Absurd Arguments: Recent Episodes
Matthew and Nathan
Hello and welcome to Absurd Arguments! We are two friends who like to joke about nonsensical things, so we decided to make a podcast. Join us every other Thursday as we tackle life's most irreverent arguments like “are cats better pets than dogs” or “which came first, the chicken or the egg.” Stay tuned to see what absurdity we argue about next!
Once upon a time there was a podcast called Absurd Arguments. It was hosted by two very distinguished gentlemen, Nathan and Matthew. One day they decided to record an episode about Choose Your Own Adventure books. "Alas, I don't own one of those books anymore," whined Matthew whiningly. "It's cool," reassured Nathan reassuringly. "There's a website we can use to have our own fun story adventure. Let's do that!" And so, they recorded an episode about these fun, silly stories they found online, which you can find at chooseyourstory.com to read on your own! The end.
Music used in this episode comes from:
Brandenburg Concerto No4-1 BWV1049 - Classical Whimsical by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100303
Artist: http://incompetech.com/
Sad Minuet by Sir Cubworth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbJYC393uug
An Upsetting Theme - The Descent by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100333
Artist: http://incompetech.com/
Ghost Dance by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100573
Artist: http://incompetech.com/
Lobe by The Mini Vandals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RTSnGZG0RA
In Memory of Jean Talon by The Mini Vandals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmRGVqW-7Sw
Dog Park by Silent Partner https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2Ln9Lm9Ydo
Dark Hallway by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Artist: http://incompetech.com/
Evil Plan by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100234
Artist: http://incompetech.com/
London Fog by Quincas Moreira https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8
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Are you suffering from boredom? Do you wish you could be rescued from the villain called I-Don't-Know-What-to-Listen-to Man? Well, never fear, for Absurd Arguments is here in their most heroic episode yet! Our hosts, Nathan and Matthew, have finally tackled the topic of superheroes. They cover some of the most important things a hero must consider. Should they work alone? What about with a team or sidekick? How important is a cool costume? What about finding a secret lair? Our super hosts will answer these questions and more, so be sure to rate this episode with five big booms!
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Okay, hmm, so which classic graduation cliche should we use to start this description? "Congradulations!" Nah. "Fellow seniors: wow. Who would have thought we would finally make it to the end of the school year!?" Nope, we're not smart enough to be Vals or Sals. I got it! "Graduates, as you end this chapter of your life and begin the next, listen to Absurd Arguments and the advice given by Matthew and Nathan. They shall guide your path." Perfect! Lucky for you, all the college advice you could possibly need is in this episode. Our hosts will help you to know how to make the best use of your time in your new college life. But first, listen as they hastily agree to statements they may not fully understand in one of their most interesting games yet. Throw your caps in the air and enjoy this episode of Absurd Arguments!
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In this world, there are two types of creatures: birds and everything else. It's about time birds got their due, to rise up and push back against the bourgeoisie of everything else is now! And Nathan and Matthew are the ones to lead us in this feathered revolution. They talk about such avian topics like famous bird sports teams, great bird insults, cool bird talents, and even true American icons. This episode is for the birds (and the working class)!
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Ah, springtime. A time when birds are yelling at each other, the bees are buzzing at each other, the crickets are chirping in the background... which is kind of annoying. But have you ever wondered what makes these creatures so freaking noisy? That's right, it's all because of flowers. They make people do interesting things, too. We give them away on first dates. We lay them on people's gravestones. We even employ little girls to throw them at people at weddings. Fortunately, Nathan and Matthew, the great hosts of Absurd Arguments, will explore the reasons why we treat flowers the way we do. Before that, the boys discuss less common flower names you could use to name your kids. It's educational!* We hope you enjoy this episode!
*Do not use this podcast to get any scientific information as the hosts are complete morons.
**Why do they keep making these kinds of statements?
Songs used: The Girl from Ipanema midi and All the Single Ladies
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Uggggghhhhhhh. Have you ever record something you regret later? One of our hosts, Nathan, does, but Matthew does not. One of these goobers* came up with the great idea to compare name-brand sodas (or pop) with their knockoff equivalent to see which is better. Anyway, it was quite the experience and they recorded it for your listening pleasure. Enjoy!
*This was 100% Nathan's idea. Matthew is a documented enjoyer of sodas and has stated on this podcast that he has a soda bottle and can collection. Nathan is on a fitness journey and suggested that they should do this episode. He felt the worst afterwards, so thoughts and prayers for him.
Doctor's office music is Sunshine - Easy Listening by Vodovoz Music Productions
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Greetings, fair listeners! Matthew and Nathan have finally achieved a monumental milestone: they have recorded and released EPISODE 50 of Absurd Arguments! And what a special episode it is. They begin with a skit (that is 100% accurate) detailing the humble beginnings of this podcast. It will certainly make you laugh and cry, perhaps at the same time! Then, in honor of the quickly approaching Oscars, our hosts have their own award ceremony honoring the great films they have seen this year. Their expert critiques will shock you with how expertly critical their critiques are.
Thank you again for listen to us as we have this fun, goofy podcast. Cheers to another 50 episodes (if Matthew doesn't go insane by having to spend so long editing these monstrosities)!
Extra music from the YouTube Audio Library: Josef Suk, Serenade, Op 6 performed by afarcrymusic and Harpsichord Fugue by Sir Cubworth
Magic 8 Ball sound: Sound Effects - Dark and Holy Spells by Sound Spark
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"Boxing Day! Boxing Day! Boxing Day is here! There's no other holiday greater at this time of year!" That’s the chorus to one of the most famous Boxing Day carols ever written. Does it explain what Boxing Day is? No. Fortunately your hosts, Matthew and Nathan, are here to celebrate the holiday with you! Is Boxing Day about punching your neighbor? Watching the Premier League by using your parents’ YouTube TV account? Perhaps the holiday is about Celine Dion (the singer your neighbor saw in Vegas one year and now won't shut up about it)? We will find out together in this episode of Absurd Arguments!
Intro and outro song is Christmas Spirit by Silvermansound
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In a world where Christmas happens every year, two men with a podcast delve into the depths to find terrible Christmas movies. Once found, this brave duo watches the film to discuss it afterwards. Are they brave? Gluttons for punishment? Or maybe they just like absurd things? It's probably all of the above! Continuing a tradition they regret ever starting, Matthew and Nathan are here to discuss this year's monstrosity: A Royal Christmas Ball. Will it be a movie they love or hate? You'll have to listen and find out! We hope you enjoy this episode and have a Merry Christmas!
Intro and outro song is Christmas Spirit by Silvermansound
Transition music is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upN1wn1BUiw
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Hello folks! Thanks for tuning into Absurd Arguments! Our hosts, Matthew and Nathan, are taking a well-deserved break from all the tiring, exhausting, and back-breaking work that recording this podcast entails. Instead of the usual format, they're playing a game called Superfight. To help our hosts moderate the game and pick a winner for each round, they have enlisted the service of Nathan's dear friend Josh (aka, Joshtice of the Peace) to act as judge for our fighters. Hear the thought-provoking rhetoric of our hosts as they attempt to argue over which combatant overcomes the other! Who will win? Listen and find out!
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FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR ARGUMENTS!
Oh, sorry for yelling at you. I'm just so excited for this episode of Absurd Arguments. Matthew and Nathan will be arguing over friendship (not ancient Rome, but next time for sure). If you've ever wondered whether it's better to have many friends or just one or two (like Matthew), then this episode is for you! Maybe you just want our hosts to explore friendship tropes in popular media. Don't worry, they have you covered there, too! And it's all done with minimal interruptions.* With friends like these, who needs Absurd Arguments? We do! Enjoy this episode!
*Editor’s note: Very much not true
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Gather around dear listeners, but beware! ’Tis the Witching Hour, an awful time when witches and wizards roam the land searching for little girls and boys to turn into toads, salamanders, or sentient vacuum cleaners (happened to my cousin once). But not all wizards and witches are created equal of course. In fact, some may even be harmless! Fortunately, Matthew and Nathan have devised a special ranking system, or tournament if you prefer, to decide which witch (hehehe) or which wizard is most to be feared. Could it be Dumbledore? Or perhaps even Galadriel? Who knows! The only way you can discover the answer is by listening for yourself. So sit down, curl up by the fireplace, and listen to this magical tournament episode of Absurd Arguments!
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Philosophy. One man's least favorite subject in school is another man's mental playground. An old, rusty, rickety one in a bad part of town. In this episode, our hosts, Nathaniel Hume and Matthew Descartes, will play on this mental playground. Of the two, Matthew is the most prepared and excited while Nathan wishes he could sit on a mental bench and play his Game Boy Advance. But before they argue about philosophical conundrums that have stood the test of time, Nathan unveils his most philosophical version of "Which is the Worst" yet. Don't worry about this being too scholarly of an episode because Nathan also doesn't understand what's going on. Enjoy this informative episode of Absurd Arguments!
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Ahhhhhhh... Fall is finally here. The leaves on the trees are changing color (though that might be because it's so hot here in Texas), the weather is cooling down (from 90° to 80°), and we're nearing the end of the year (which isn't special to Texas). To bring in the new season, our hosts Matthew and Nathan want to bring in the cozy season by talking about how each of our 5 senses will experience it. Whether you listen to this swaddled up in a blanket with your drink of choice or are stuck in traffic on your home from work, we hope that your day is filled with thoughts of sunsets, critters chirping in the night, and the feel of warm, clean laundry.
Drumroll music is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2K1yPbLrWc
Laundry alarm is from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8XaS9k1S80&t=6008s
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Hello friends and family,
If you are reading this, then Matthew and Nathan have either been abducted by aliens or faked their own deaths to live it up in Tahiti. In case they haven't completely drained their bank accounts, all the money they have made from this podcast is now yours (but don't hold your breath). Anyway, if Matthew has not input the daily code verifying he is alive and well, this message will automatically be sent out. All they ask is that you weep and mourn over their absence.
Sincerely,
The Absurd Arguments Team
AKA Matthew and Nathan
AAKA the Brains and the Brawn
AAAKA Editor-in-Chief and Comic Relief
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Jobs – we all have at least one. Except for maybe children. The thing is, not all jobs are equal. Some jobs are cushy and boring, like lawyers and accountants. While other jobs are pointless and shouldn't exist, like Instagram influencers and philosophy teachers. But the real backbone of every healthy country is the blue collar jobs. Fortunately, our hosts Matthew and Nathan argue about which of these tough, manual labor jobs are the best. Never mind the fact they barely know anything about manual labor (which is on brand for this podcast). Before they explore the ins and outs of hard work, Nathan tells Matthew about a certain movie critic, which is another tough job for sure. Put on your hard hats and enjoy this episode of Absurd Arguments!
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Have you ever looked up at the sky and wondered, "Gee, I wonder what's up there?" Lucky for you our absurd hosts know the answer: it's space! Yep, all that stuff like planets, moons, stars, and universes is the S P A C E. Today our hosts tackle this subject with all the gravity it deserves. Is space really the final frontier? Are we gonna live on the moon first or Mars? And will there ever be justice for what they (whoever they are) did to Pluto? Find out the answers in this episode of Absurd Arguments!
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April 1, 2024
Dear dairy, ugh, I mean diary. Wouldn't that be weird to write my thoughts to dairy products! Like, "Hi Milk, today I'm hanging out with my good, good friend Matthew." Or "Dear Cheese, Matthew wanted to show me something on his TV or whatever." Hahaha! Anywho, Matthew and I probably need to talk about our next podcast episode. Not sure what it'll be about. Hopefully not another holiday one. Or worse: a sequel. I'll need to think of a serious description when it does happen. No more jokes and weird meta humor most people will ignore. Well, I better go. Best not to be late! Oh, and happy April Fools’ Day, diary!
Sports music is “Legionnaire” by Scott Buckley
Conspiracy music is https://youtu.be/X9y5ka70Qto?si=F5LAEq7syDa8mu5w
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Woohoo! It’s spring break for our hosts, Matthew and Nathan. Shockingly, instead of staring into the void waiting for their break to end, they decided to go to the beach! Since it's a vacation, they don't plan to do much arguing at all, but absurdity can strike at any moment, especially at the beach itself. What will our beach-combing boys do? Will they go in the water? Fight off sharks and seagulls? Build sandcastles and giant holes in the sand? Who knows! Get your sunscreen and a towel and enjoy this sunny episode of Absurd Arguments!
EDITOR'S NOTE: DO NOT DIG GIANT HOLES IN THE BEACH
Tropical music is “Hawaii is a Paradise” by Francesco Biondi
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Ah, childhood. All of us have had one (some better than others), so it's safe to assume we all dabbled in playing games at one time in our lives. Today, our beloved and extremely popular hosts Matthew and Nathan will argue over which childhood game is the best. Is it chess? Checkers? Tag? Hide and Seek? Or one of the two most brutal friendship killing games in history: Uno and Monopoly? Luckily for you, our hosts will not only argue it out, but they'll also play each game! It's perfect entertainment for audio listeners! But before all that, Nathan reveals the crazy names cowboys have been giving their rodeo horses lately. We hope you enjoy this absurd episode!
Hide and seek music is “Run” by Ross Bugden
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Valentine's Day has come and gone. Couples the world over have acted all lovey-dovey with each other, chocolates and flowers have been exchanged, and romantic dinners have been eaten. What's next for these sappy couples? Getting engaged of course! Who better to give advice on proposals than our favorite bachelors, Matthew and Nathan! Listen in as they argue over proposal styles and engagement lengths, and of course, alternatives to buying a cliché diamond ring for your significant other. But before all that, Nathan tortures Matthew with another "Which is Worse?" segment. Overall, it's one of our wackiest episodes yet! We hope you enjoy these Absurd Arguments!
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It's wintertime here at the Absurd Arguments office, and nothing beats the cold better than reading a good book beside a blazing fire. Just kidding. That's a lie. We're from Texas and the weather here fluctuates from windy and cold to sunny and warm (sometimes on the same day). But our hosts, Matthew and Nathan, do enjoy reading along with their other fun hobby of arguing over absurd things. This episode marks the first Absurd Tournament over book genres! Thrillers, children's books, sci-fi, and romance; we cover it all as long as it's part of Amazon's list of book genres. Pull up your favorite chair, sit down, and enjoy this latest episode of Absurd Arguments!
Phonk music is HOLD UP - c152
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Martin Luther King, Jr. was a hero to many and an inspiration to even more. No one can deny that, not even our professional absurd arguers, Nathan and Matthew. The thing is, America needs more holidays based on fine Americans (except one of our hosts forgot it was supposed to be about Americans, so some rando from foreign waters is on here, too). Who better to vouch for these patriots (+1) than our hosts? Listen in as they list some wonderful people who deserve their own holiday. Our hosts even explain what the vibes of each new holiday should be so you can celebrate properly! We have a dream that you will one day enjoy this episode of Absurd Arguments!
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Hello. Matthew here. Nathan is out on vacation, but I wanted to make sure you guys start your new year off right! We have a special guest this episode, and he gives GREAT advice and is totally not involved with the mafia or has any ties with them whatsoever. Enjoy this episode!
Disclaimer
Breaking the law is not cool, so don't do that. It's illegal.
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’Tis the season for another episode of Absurd Arguments! Matthew and Nathan are here to deliver like joint Santas of podcasting. But they bring goofy arguments instead of gifts, starting the festivities with another round of torture in “Which Is Worse!” The main event is another brawl in the ring of awful romantic Christmas movies. In one corner, Holiday in Handcuffs, and in the other, Christmas Wedding Planner. One of these movies is clearly worse than the other, so get ready as your joint Santas explain what makes these films so darn bad. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Intro and outro song is Christmas Spirit by Silvermansound
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Happy Thanksgiving loyal listeners! Last year around this time, Matthew and Nathan spent their time arguing about the best parts of Thanksgiving. They were not models of thankfulness, but a lot can change in a year. People can grow. Character can be developed. So this year, our hosts have decided to be absurdly grateful. They have consulted Google and Bing to help them find the meaning of the season: eat a lot of food, hang out with friends and family, and be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving!
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It's no secret that Hollywood has fallen on hard times. Strikes left and right, massive box office bombs, and disinterested audiences have all led to Hollywood being way less fab and glam than it was in the past. That's where Nathan and Matthew come in: They're gonna save Hollywood. First, they're gonna cobble together Stephen Spielberg's films to make a greatest hits version of his best movies. Then they'll help everyone else from Disney princesses, horror movie icons, and Marvel superheroes. Even Tarantino and Scorsese receive a helping hand from our generous hosts. There's no time for arguments today, because Matthew and Nathan are on a mission. An absurd mission to save Hollywood!
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Football. One of the greatest sports of all time, and nobody's better at it than the good ol’ US of A! In this episode, our Titans of podcasting (Matthew and Nathan) argue about all things football. Only a true Patriot would do such a thing! Like a Jaguar and Falcon hunting their prey, our two hosts tackle the sport from all angles. The absurdity is strong in this episode, like a Cowboy riding an Eagle, a Dolphin kissing a Buccaneer, or a Red Devil having a kickabout with a Cityzen. Listen to your Commanders and enjoy this episode of Absurd Arguments!
Here's the list of football player names: Séamus Coleman, James Rodríguez, Giorgos Giakoumakis, Ferenc Puskás, Mario Mandžukić, Karim Benzema, Nemanja Matić, Ronaldinho, Gianluigi Buffon, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge
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Matthew and Nathan host a podcast, E-I-E-I-O. And on that podcast they argued about farming, E-I-E-I-O.
Ah! Don't mind me. Just singing my favorite song about some of my favorite podcasters. The boys this week are leaving the city arguments behind to tackle a topic that can only be found in the countryside alongside dusty dirt roads bordering vast fields of grass and wild flowers. That's right, the topic is on farming. But first, our hosts put on a real shindig for you (or what you city folks call a "skit"). Only after listening to that do you get to enjoy this wonderful episode on farming (or else)!
Spy fight music – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eOzzoUUqT4
Spy villain music – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5wZtvEH3PM
Spy ending music - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx17xiAU5_4
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Let's see here, do I have my spy gadgets? Check. Charming personality and debonair looks? Check. Martini that's been shaken (NOT STIRRED!) to perfection? Definitely need to have that. Oh, hello there! You just caught me going over my spy checklist. Matthew and Nathan are talking about spies today so I'm making sure I'm up to date on being a spy. Whether you're a fan of James Bond or Tom Cruise (editor's note: his character from Mission: Impossible has a name. It's Ethan Hunt), we definitely have something for you. Matthew and Nathan also suggest the best spy gadget and they even make their own spy movie. This is probably their stealthiest episode yet! Anyway, we hope you enjoy listening to these Absurd Arguments!
Spy music is No Way – Zarii
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Greetings fellow alumni of the school of Absurd Arguments! For those of you in college (or considering it), this episode will be a real treat. Matthew and Nathan are both experts in the college experience and have decided to share their wisdom with the masses. It's tough deciding what classes you should take, how you should decorate your dormroom, or even which kind of insufferable roommate you should be. Fortunately, our hosts cover all of this and more in their handy-dandy guide for college students. If you don't feel confident in your direction in life after listening to this episode, then there is no hope for you at all. That's the Absurd Arguments guarantee!*
*This guarantee has no standing value, and any of their college advice should not be heeded at all. Seriously. Talk to a guidance counselor or something. Not these two bozos.
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Welcome to Season Two of Absurd Arguments! New year, new Matthew and Nathan (not really). As you can tell from our title, this season will feature more fart jokes than ever before! We'll be sharing the loudest, grossest, and stinkiest flatulent humor you've ever heard. In fact—
Wait.
Oh.
I just got a report. Apparently this episode is NOT about human gas. It's about gas stations and the shenanigans that go on there. Surely Matthew and Nathan will argue seriously and make zero gross references at all, right? Nah, we know whatever they discuss will be absurd! It is Absurd Arguments after all! We hope you enjoy this episode.
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Dear Nathan and Matthew,
I represent a global organization called T H E AGENCY. Your podcast, Absurd Arguments, has been listened to by many of our members, and we would like to show you our gratitude. We have noticed that you did not make any episodes this summer. Is everything okay? Did you really disband the podcast?
We are sending our best agent to get Nathan out of Podcast Bootcamp, but a team will need to be assembled. I will send further instructions. You do not need to provide us with your location. We already know.
Thank you for your future cooperation.
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Ah, nothing is better than taking time to spend in nature. Hiking up trails, swimming in creeks, and sleeping under the stars are all almost as fun as listening to Matthew and Nathan argue about absurd things. After one year and 26 episodes, the two have decided it's time for a short break.
But first, let's go camping! Our fearless hosts ditch the recording studio to spend time in nature and go camping. Truly it is the final frontier for them! Nathan brings back the much loved segment "Which is Worse?" Then the two argue about some common camping subjects, like best food to eat or which pests annoy us the most. Those of us part of the Absurd Arguments team (okay, I mean, it's just Nathan and Matthew) are so grateful for you listening to our podcast. Join us for "Season 2" when we come back in August or September. Have a fun summer!
Emotional separation music is Filaments by Scott Buckley
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Okay, so I've been to Gerudo Town. Check. Now, just to learn more about Zeld-Oh! I'm sorry! Just working through my checklist of things I need to do in that new Zelda game. Huh, guess I should be writing a description for our new episode. Ummm, what was it about again? That's right! It was about Zelda...but without mentioning that game. Gosh, what did we talk about? We talked about Land, Sea, and Sky (all things you can find in Zelda) and came up with fun superlatives for them! Like what if they were people or something and it was graduation for them! Ha! And then Matthew gave me a pop quiz about Zelda...oh. I guess we did talk about the game. Well, it's not like it's all I can think about or anything! Maybe we should have argued about that. Okay I think that's a long enough description, back to the checklist! So Zelda was last seen picking her nose and flicking the booger on a Korok...
Fantasy song is Traveler - Alexander Nakarada
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Moms. We all have at least one. And if you don't have a mom, there's plenty of examples in movies and tv shows for you to adopt your own. Perhaps you're a robot who wishes to understand the concept of motherhood. If so, you're in luck! Nathan and Matthew (who are not, or ever will be, mothers) are experts on what to do for your mom on Mother's Day. After listening to this episode, dear robot, you will know the best (or worst) places to take your mom and the best gifts to give her for the American holiday Mother's Day. We hope you can tell the difference! It's a mother-rific episode of Absurd Arguments!
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Rivalries. We all have witnessed them. Perhaps we have even formed some of our own. In fact, you're reading one right now: Nathan's intense rivalry against description writing. His laziness and procrastination is no match for the intense guilt and pressure Matthew puts on him to come up with a title and description. This week they lean into their own rivalry by talking about the greatest rivalries in the world. For example, Nathan's desire to talk about classic crime movies no one cares about vs. Matthew's need to tell everyone of his love for pirates. Which of these two rivals will argue about their rival best? Find out in this exciting episode of Absurd Arguments!
Note to self: do not write anything about potato-gate. The people are not ready.
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No, dear listeners, it's not the podcast's birthday today (it's still just a baby), but one of our hosts, Nathan, has a birthday a week after this podcast releases. To help celebrate his successful ascent up the mountain of aging, we decided to argue about birthdays! But first, Nathan tests Matthew on birthday traditions around the world. Then they discuss some of the best birthday mainstays: candles, gifts, surprise parties, and parties where no one shows up at all! Matthew even has a fun game lined up too! You'll just have to listen and find out what it is on this spectacular episode of Absurd Arguments!
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Nathan's To-Do List:
Wake up violently from a peaceful sleep.
Check all my closets, cabinets, and drawers for any leprechauns that may have snuck in during the night.
Have lunch with Matthew.
Tell Matthew I'm sorry for the hundredth time for procrastinating on writing the podcast episode description.
Write the podcast episode description (low priority: do tomorrow).
Play Axe-Throwing fetch with my dog Ollie.
Go to hospital (Ollie throws those axes too hard. I really need to be better at fetching them for him).
Plan a prank for April Fools Day.
* Ponder the void and drift to sleep.
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What a lucky episode of Absurd Arguments this is! St. Patrick's Day is here, and Matthew and Nathan are ready to discuss all things green and Irish. The absurdity that will be argued over today covers all your favorite St. Paddy's topics, like the necessity of wearing green for the day and the ethics of dying an entire river green for the holiday (looking at you Chicago). But before all that Nathan plays a new game with Matthew where he challenges him to correctly pronounce a slew of Irish names (all listed below for you to play along at home). Settle in for one of our mischievous episodes yet!
List of Irish names mentioned in this episode:
Aoife, Blathnaid, Caitriona, Caoimhe, Cillian, Dearbhla, Domhnall, Eoghan, Fionnuala, Naoise, Padraig, Saoirse, Siobhan
Also, Ollie has been sent to professional dog training after his refusal to learn proper table manners. We will give you updates about him when Nathan hears from the trainers.
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Matthew and Nathan have dusted themselves off from the windy sand-storms here in Texas to argue about one of the most enigmatic and terrifying forces of nature: tornadoes. March is one of the windiest months of the year so there's no better time to discuss the dangers of wind and the brave men and women storm chasers who bravely (or foolishly) investigate these cylinders of doom. But this podcast isn't completely serious. We also argue over whether or not you can use balloons and umbrellas to ride the wind, but before all that though, please excuse the rude news broadcast that mocks our wonderful hosts and all the hard work they do. Anyway, we hope this episode blows you away!
Update on Ollie
He was saved from the ranch fire, and the vet says he's fine. Just a little crispy and singed. In fact, Nathan is teaching Ollie some new tricks, like fetching the tv remote and how to properly use a fire extinguisher. Now if only he would stop barking at the neighbor's moat filled with alligators! #pray4ollie
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President's Day is upon us, which leaves Matthew and Nathan wondering which US president would be the best at modern jobs, hobbies, or other fun things. Through the many topics they discuss, many questions held by many scholars will be answers, and many philosophies will be put to the test as they dive deeply into the psyche of this greatest countries leaders. Before that, Nathan shares his interesting taste with Matthew, and this causes their friendship to falter slightly. Will the bonds of collaboration break? Will Matthew leave Nathan to his horrib—I mean, different taste in music? Will Nathan save his dog Ollie from the raging fire spreading through the ranch? Listen and find out!
Take the Music for Mallet Instruments, Voices and Organ Challenge HERE
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Ah, Valentine's Day! What better way to celebrate the holiday than listening to podcasting's most eligible pair of (hopeless) bachelor's. Even though these two are TOTAL experts when it comes to the topic of romance, they decided to argue about something simpler: where is the most romantic place to take your significant other on a date? Travel the world with Matthew and Nathan on their dizzying journey to discover the most romantic locales across this big 'ol ball of land and sea we call Earth. Spoiler alert: you might find a new appreciation for Singapore just like they have.
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Happy New Year! Don't mind the fact this episode comes out a couple weeks after January 1st. Nathan and Matthew are back and ready to argue harder and absurder than ever before! So what's the first argument of the year? Why, it's about New Year's resolutions of course. The boys are teaming up to argue against society's obsession with resolutions and explore what will truly inspire them to change for the better this year. Will they succeed? Listen and find out!
Smooth detective jazz is Noire #1 - Music by Pedro
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Merry Christmas! Matthew and Nathan have truly "suffered" this week as they debate which company does Christmas romantic comedy movies better: Netflix or Hallmark. Listen as Matthew goes into detail about the surprisingly dour Hallmark film A Christmas Cookie Catastrophe while Nathan explores the political complexities of The Princess Switch 2: Switched Again. Decide for yourself which movie best gets you in the Christmas spirit!
Intro song is Christmas Spirit by Silvermansound
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Are you struggling with what Christmas present to get the absurd person in your life? Do you wish someone would just tell you what to buy for your loved ones? Are you afraid of buying a truly awful gift this year? You're in luck! Matthew and Christmas Boy Nathan have a very special Absurd Arguments Christmas gift idea episode just for you. We hope these ideas will inspire you and help you decide what to buy (or not buy) this holiday season. But before that, Nathan lets Matthew rant and rave about the World Cup (which is some famous soccer thing that happens only once in a blue moon). A little less arguing this episode, but just as much absurdity. We hope you enjoy!
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Another holiday, another themed episode! Matthew and Nathan decide NOT to model a spirit of thankfulness this year by arguing about absurd things instead just like that one relative you have who likes discussing polities or their dog's weird health issues at the Thanksgiving dinner table! Speaking of Thanksgiving (and tables and dogs), your hosts argue over if we should celebrate Black Friday instead, not to mention our additional arguments about kid's tables and dog shows. Before they do that, Nathan shares some odd headlines with Matthew in this classic Which is Worse segment. Enjoy the episode and have a happy Thanksgiving!
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In this episode, Matthew and Nathan recorded themselves going through a haunted house (against Matt's protests). The true horrors of grocery shopping play themselves out as they discuss the important and often overlooked details one sees in their average trip to the store. Craig Dacy makes his glorious appearance in the lives of our heroes and leads them to the promised land of living a life free from guilt and shame when it comes to the trials of the grocery store, and Nathan makes some interesting claims. This episode definitely lives up to the absurd part of their arguments, so enjoy the madness!
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Boo!
We got you good, didn't we? No need to fear, Absurd Arguments with Nathan and Matthew is here! Just in case you were concerned we would skip over the scariest holiday of the year (besides Valentine's Day), we assure you our arguments in this episode will cover the important questions, like "Trick or Treat" or "Which is scarier: Ghosts or Scarecrows?" We hope you enjoy as Nathan revels in the spookiness of this season while Matthew tries his best to joke about what frightens him most of all: talking to strangers! Beware the dark and sinister humor that this in this episode, for it might give you quite the fright.
Outro song is Skeleton Dance - Myuu
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In this episode, Matthew and Nathan take a trip to Fallsville: the land of eternal autumn. They discuss which autumnal drink is superior, to which Matthew has some interesting sources he uses. Nathan reads an essay about why corn mazes are better than hayrides, but the greatness of Fallsville comes into play as they both take a look into the (very cheesy) romance only found in a community fall festival. Finally, the aspects of the traditional homecoming court are questioned by Nathan as Matthew defends the time-honored popularity contest. The game "Which is Worse" makes it's painful comeback as Nathan shares his misadventures while on vacation with his family. There is a lot to unpack in this episode, so let's get right to it!
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Do you feel the crisp air? Do you hear the creaking trees? Have you had the uncontrollable urge to stomp on every crunchy leaf in your path? The signs point to the fact that the first day of autumn is here! To celebrate, Matthew and Nathan discuss why they love the Equinox as much as they do. Before we can really enjoy this new Fall weather though, these two must argue over a debate that has haunted America for over one hundred years: can people wear white after Labor Day or not? Not to mention a new segment in our intro called "Fortune or Motivation?" Play along and see if you beat Nathan's score!
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In this lore-filled episode, Nathan and Matthew discuss the totally real lore of the founding of the United States of America. They then discuss the topic at hand: breakfast foods. Beginning with some low-quality accent humor, they argue about whether you should have scrambled or fried eggs, followed by the science behind pouring milk before cereal, and finishing with a heated debate about the art of making pancakes over waffles. Sparks fly in this episode as they become passionate about the most important meal of the day!
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Nothing gets Matthew and Nathan more excited than sports! So in this episode, they are on a mission to help you figure out which sport you should try out for and play. Listen in as the two friends discuss many popular sports (and some oddities that even our hosts have never heard about) and the reasons why you should play them. They even have their first guest! We hope you enjoy this episode (even though once again we suffer, and I mean SUFFER, from some technical issues) and let us know what you think!
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It's back-to-school time! Matthew and Nathan have set aside their differences and let go of their tendency to argue in order to bring you the best tips for going back to school. The two begin by sharing pleasant memories of their time in high school. One of them even reveals he was homeschooled (probably not the one you would expect!) which may explain why some of the provided tips are pretty absurd! Grab a paper and pencil and get ready to take notes for our most helpful episode so far!
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Welcome to the most refreshing argument we've had yet! Matthew and Nathan open the episode by recounting the awkward times a wrong number has texted them. The two then join the ranks of the many soldiers who have fought in the "Cola Wars" by debating which soda brand is king: Coke or Pepsi. It's not just an episode based on fizzy drinks though, because they also argue over two other popular summertime beverages: sweet tea and lemonade. This is by far our wonkiest episode yet as they deal with technical difficulties, but you won't want to miss it!
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It's summertime! Beat the heat with Nathan and Matthew as they take a welcome break from arguing about holidays to instead argue about what to do on holiday (that's "vacation" for our American listeners). They tackle the thrilling differences between amusement and water parks. Then they explore if a stay-cation or road trip is right for you. Finally, Nathan tries to convince Matthew it's better to build a big hole in the backyard rather than visit one of the greatest natural wonders in the USA. Not to mention the new segment Nathan introduces called "Which is Worse?" This may be our most absurd episode yet!
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The Fourth of July (or Independence Day for you non-American listeners) is one of America's most special holidays. Which is why we're going to argue about it! Nathan and Matthew argue first about which makes a better dessert: watermelon or patriotic cakes and snacks. They then show off their musical expertise by arguing over the most patriotic songs they know. They end the episode by arguing about whether or not they should go to a fireworks show or just shoot off their own. This podcast isn't just about holidays though. Nathan also reveals shocking behind-the-scene information about how Matthew tortures him in real life.
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Father's Day is fast approaching which means Matthew and Nathan must argue about what they should give their dads. Nathan thinks we should just give fathers a break, while Matthew argues for a true consumerist utopia where we give dads odd and extravagant gifts. Just kidding! He doesn't go that far (but he gets pretty close). First though, we discuss the perils of dropping various objects even though it has nothing to do with Father's Day.
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In our first absurd argument (well, the first one we've ever recorded for public consumption) we discuss which is the better pet: Cats or Dogs. Listen as Matthew reminisces about his cherished first pet while Nathan consults the leading source of information concerning the scientific differences between felines and canines. Regardless of the outcome, one thing is certain: this truly is an absurd argument! As a bonus, we also reveal some in depth secrets about Tom Cruise and Top Gun: Maverick. You won't want to miss it!
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Hello and welcome to Absurd Arguments! In our debut episode, we don't actually argue about anything. We decided to take this opportunity to introduce ourselves to you to understand us and why we would make a podcast like this. Stay tuned as we begin this journey into a land of absurdity as we argue about the most insignificant topics!