From the Jaws of the Lion: Recent Episodes
Christijan Robert
This podcast focuses on healing, specifically from ulcerative colitis, and discusses methods and approaches to overcoming illness along with other negative paradigms. There are discussions about psychology, philosophy and spirituality.
We have taken a small summer break following our last episode and for good reason. The days have been hot and sadly, Rob's father passed away during the month of July. Today, he has decided to open up and discuss his feelings and address the grief. As we delve into our collected 'summer mourning' we find time to talk of ghosts, relationships and our general malaise. It may not be the most cheeriest of topics but sometimes we must dance with the shadows to regain the light. So, dear listener, with the searing sun, the humid hours, with me and my German Sekt and Rob his Spanish red wine, we lift a glass to the darker domains of our lives, indulging in our libations while seeking a gentle plateau of peace.
In this episode, I discuss the dichotomies of bravery/cowardice and truth/lies. I draw on parallels between today and in my childhood when I had to stand up to a bully in a moment of fear and trembling. As for the modern world, we are seeing a true pandemic of accepted lies, where truth is scoffed at and blanketed over by false flags and other distractions. It is hard to live in truth, but many of us strive towards it. I dedicate this episode to those who have been cut off, abandoned by friends and family, fired, ridiculed and laughed at. Stay strong, someday our voices will be heard.
This is my 21st episode to help cast off 2021. I feel it is fitting to look back on the years behind me, my healing and overcoming of ulcerative colitis and regard my journey through the lens of community, my closeness and distance to it. In this episode I discuss the sense of camaraderie I encountered in the company of classmates, co-workers and colleagues in the various places I studied and the jobs I worked. While I have healed through connecting with my higher self and heart, the fuller sense of community has always remained elusive. This episode is bittersweet as I remember the good souls that helped guide and change my perspectives on life changing matters. I am grateful and sometimes wistful. Otherwise...otherwise... I wish everyone a happy and wondrous New Year. We all deserve it. Thank you for listening.
In this episode, I offer a mix of 'meat and potatoes' (namely facts) with some autobiographical moments and vignettes from May 2002. Before my diagnosis, I had to depend upon myself and learn a little about the digestive tract. While trying to pinpoint the core of my suffering, playing Sherlock Holmes with my own body, I encounter numerous, hopeless doctors and a sporty naturopath. Unfortunately, all of them offer me little in the way of help and insight. It's a long haul, this fact-finding mission. Yet, I am not going to make it to my specialist appointment coming up in July. I am falling apart, barely getting through a day. My father has to step in and, with him, we confront our clueless family doctor.
Dolli and I have been doing a podcast together for some time, and I thought I would share one of our episodes on my podcast, From the Jaws of the Lion. In this episode, we discuss truth, the difficulties of expressing it, the fears, the concerns, the qualms and in some instances, the healing aspects. I have decided to share this episode because I discuss how speaking my truth with family proved to be instrumental in my healing journey. In the future, I plan to do more interview episodes and discussions concerning healing with others. This episode ends season 2.
In this episode, I turn to my adolescent past to investigate my early amores while also examining the influence of a certain girl. Lena captured my heart in a time I was on the cusp of branching out, gaining confidence with myself. Our flirtations were seemingly innocent and playful, only for her to steadily cause me frustration and eventually, her wiles from her 'singing eyes and fingers' would lead to a bitter betrayal and humiliation. For me, the damages, while hurtful, I cast them off, judging them to be superficial at the time. Yet, they would leave a lasting effect in future friendships and relationships.
Recovering from Jolanta, I find both my body and psyche still need to mend. It's a bit rocky for me and with school not working out, thankfully, I gain employment at a beer and wine store near the university. Now and then, I still visit the campus to get a hair cut, and have chats with my hairdresser, Amy. I also begin to make connections at my new job. It's a fun group to work with, some great colleagues. One of them is a young lady, attractive, sweet, and kind. We have great conversations, though I have to wonder, the more I get to know her and myself at this time, are we falling for each other, or simply two people facing similar dilemmas in life when it comes to family, to illness, and our future?
In this episode, I am reflecting on my experience with being a friend and at the same time, being attracted to a conflicted female, Jolanta. Shortly after meeting her in a bartending course, I feel attracted, repulsed, angered and enamored by her presence. My fellow classmate, Dan, warns me I'm in for some trouble, yet I have to see it through. Jolanta is beautiful, intelligent and, at times, mysterious. Do I have a chance, or am I a plain fool, waiting around hopelessly for her to choose me?
October 2003. The end of the year is winding down along with my stubborn journey. Despite my last ditch efforts to heal with a strange woman and her weird, unconventional if not 'sickly' methods on the outskirts of Victoria, I have to concede and seek out proper medical intervention. Dr. Harman is pleased, my mother and step-father, too; meanwhile I am more concerned about my father's upcoming visit. What will we have to say to each other? Will we reconcile certain things? My cutting off contact with him in February, earlier that year, does that still bother him? Otherwise, I don't want him to see me like this - emaciated, tired, worn out. Yet, what choice do I have? I've made this far and I need to keep going.
Following my healing session with Cameron and the insights gained from Glen (events discussed in the previous episode, Paternal Surrogates for the Prodigal Son), the struggle to gain ground in my life meets a momentary curveball. I am hit with the news that I am fired from my part-time position. Thankfully, my job search is temporary; I find work in a restaurant overlooking the waters of West Bay in Victoria. From the paternal to the maternal, to the feminine, I begin to examine my life amongst my new colleagues and notice certain trends. Yet, with continuous blood loss, and a difficult floor manager to deal with, I wonder what will happen next for me.
Returning to the story of my healing journey, I find myself in Victoria, British Columbia. It is February 2004 and in a bid to gain perspective, and emotional autonomy, I decide to temporarily cut ties with my father despite his financial support. It is a difficult decision, though his absence opens a gap whereby I begin to invite paternal figures into my life. These men are mainly healers, but the lessons I will learn from them will come at a price.
In this episode, after a break of some time, I discuss meeting a new friend, Martin. Martin has had a rough year, recently diagnosed with gastritis. With him, I explore meditation work, forgiveness and re-scripting the past in order to heal the present and future. One thing stands out is Martin's need to be the father-figure in friendships. I can relate to this and share my experience about my time with Suzanna, a girl I wanted to date, and yet I found myself longing to rescue her. We talk about the drawbacks of being a rescuer and how ultimately, we must let others be in order to better allow them and ourselves to heal.
Far from home, from the life I led in Niagara, I find myself starting anew. But alone, lonely, and going through moments of depression in the big city, I find myself making tenable attempts at connection and turning my situation around. Still, despite all my efforts, my heart is failing me and somehow, I'm failing my heart. It appears things are going from bad to worse. On top of it all, there is a misadventure with a marble flower pot and an emergency call from a new doctor.
In this episode, I explore what happened in the wake of my medicinal metempsychosis. While I have regained a sizeable portion of body weight in a short time, I am unable to gain the respect and support of my brother and father. Feeling alone, I dedicate myself to leaving Ontario for British Columbia, but the troubles I leave behind become the troubles that remain on the road ahead.
In this episode I bring the listeners into the world of my medicinal metempsychosis session, introducing them to Diana, the regression therapist who would prove to have a pivotal role in helping me regain a foothold in my healing from ulcerative colitis.
In this episode I discuss my early experience with metempsychosis, better known in the west as reincarnation. While it is a subject that draws disbelief and sometimes, harsh judgement, I offer up perspectives on my belief while examining a session from my teens where my mother's friend helps regress me to a medieval life. The results are fascinating and have repercussions in the real world.
In this episode, I reflect on all the rooms I resided in leading up to 2002, as well as examine my depression and despairing attitudes regarding life before the onset of the colitis. In addition, I take a look back at two previous relationships, focusing on two women who were artistically inclined and yet emotionally couldn't have been more different.
Despite the information I glean during the Echo session, and my Reiki practitioner's wise words to defend my health, I bow to unspoken pressure from my brother and father, compromising my body's integrity and nearly causing a fatal reaction. With help from a mysterious source, I continue on my path, leading to reconciliation with my brother and a conversation with a new friend that will plant the seeds of further healing down the road.
In this episode, I describe the horrid aftermath of taking medication I had intuitively felt was working against me. In order to feel better at foregoing the prescription, I seek out my doctor and become grimly reminded of how little help and support I have. But slowly, surely, I rally myself and seek out answers from an unconventional source.
This is the first part in a series detailing how I survived in the aftermath of discharging myself from McMaster Hospital in late March 2003. Against doctor's orders, I set out on my own to heal and repair myself from the shocks and trauma of my two weeks in the hospital. It was a time of risks, of threats from within, as well as a time I had to deceive those closest to me to protect myself. Stubborn and frightened while also being defiant, I am determined to find my own path on the healing journey.
In this episode, I reflect upon the souls I met while at McMaster University Hospital in March 2003. I highlight the tender moments, the moments of bonding and unity as well as conflict amongst fellow patients and staff and how happiness, as Leo Tolstoy wrote in his novel, The Cossacks, truly belongs in the company of others, whatever the circumstances or the difficulties we are enduring. I also meet a former sufferer of irritable bowel syndrome, who tells me something quite revealing regarding the way he managed to find equilibrium in his digestive-distressed life. His revelation will prove a key to my future healing and overcoming of ulcerative colitis.
In this episode I discuss the impact of discovering the abdominal brain, a concept further elaborated upon in Traditional Chinese Medicine. I also detail certain encounters and conversations with nursing staff and other patients at McMaster and learn that I share something in common with a fellow sufferer of a similar irritable bowel disease. Join me on this journey of self-healing and overcoming.
In this episode, I discuss my first ghastly encounter with a specialist on my healing journey.
This podcast episode marks the first for me. My name is Robert, and I was a former sufferer of Ulcerative Colitis. In 'The Life Before Him' I introduce myself, my background, giving an overview of my life before I became seriously ill. Being an introductory episode, I hint at episodes to come, where I further detail how I managed to overcome such a difficult illness. This overcoming was difficult, but I have manged to live a life without using prescription drugs, using only the power of the mind and spirit to guide me. Also disclaimer: the contents of my podcast are not that of a medical professional. This podcast episode and subsequent ones concern my personal experiences and philosophies. For those that need medical help, they are best to seek out professionals.