Baldercast: Recent Episodes
Landon Hairday Presents:
Four manly gentlemen scour the news landscape so you don't have to. Science? Pop Culture? Jokes? Nothing is out of our realm of knowledge. Data reliability subject to debate, but that's not really what's important here, now is it? Is it news, or is it BALDERCAST?
The Podcast!
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The Baldercast has been called “Eminently Listenable.” Well if that’s true, then Episode 7, weighing in at 38 minutes dripping wet, is the eminentliestly listenable. If you’ve never heard Sir Elton John’s Spirit visit an underpants drycleaning ceremony, then you’ve never listened to Episode 7. Sit down with 12 shots of whiskey, strap on your fanciest bejeweled whitey tighties/tighty wighties, and drift away with THE BALDERCAST!.
“So how long would it take for your quote/unquote ‘experimention’ to work with your plastic-ness.”
Confused? Listen to Ep. 4, Chicken Noodle Marsupial.
Malaysia Airlines is now offering a child-free deck on their flights.
When parents complained about unfair treatment, being fenced in like cattle with a bunch of noisy brats, the Airline decided to allow parents with children onto the child-free deck as long as all children 5 and under were considered a carry-on and stowed in a sound-proof container in the overhead compartment.
Since most parents have gotten over the novelty of having a child by the time the child reaches approximately 2 or 3 years old, a large number of parents have taken the opportunity for a little peace-and-quiet, zipping their kids up into airline-regulation bags and wedging them into the tight spaces over their seats.
Child-advocate groups are complaining that this poses a serious health risk for the children involved, and the airline is apparently responding by supplying each parent-passenger with a baggage-snorkel that will allow the small child to breathe.
So far, there have only been minor bruises and no obviously connected fatalities, but that may change as the airline is investigating ways to enlarge the overhead compartment to fit crotchety, snoring, smelly old people (as opposed to the kindly old grandmotherly type who smell like cookies) assuming their brittle bones won’t snap when their torsos are folded in half.
What do you think? Don’t do it or not? Tweet in your vote!
The Podcast!
Thanks, iTunes!
Ahhhhhhhhh, its a very gross episode. 3rd degree burns, baby cords and coffee throats. Its getting all medical up in here! I’m about to lose my mind. Up in here, up in here. I’m about to lose my cool. Why oh why are we so secretive when we are alone, and then getting caught and only to find out we both like the beat of another drummer. Why does why exist. Who is writing this synopsis. Why is Jake Gelllllenhall the prince of persia. Find out on the next…….
My apologies to the throngs of torch-carrying malcontents who have a penchant for tossing redbricks covered with magazine-cutout letters, threatening some sort of mysterious fate unless we post the next episode hastily.
Unfortunately, our dim-witted towhead sound designer, Flynn, has had a child. This pink-cheeked infant has nothing to do with our tardiness of course, I just bring it up because of his brash contribution to the overpopulation of the earth. The real problem is that Flynn is notably dim-witted.
Does he take our inane chatter and breathe life into it through the fine art of sound design? I cannot say. Does he labor more than any of us, tied to a desk for hours with thick beige computer cables, paging through large floppy disks of sound effects and musical selections? Perhapsolutely. Are his twisted, warty hands riddled with the effects of carpal tunnel syndrome because he is threatened with lashings if he stops for more than a minute? That would be inhumane and I refuse to dignify it with a response. Either way, there is no excuse for his tomfoolery and it’s caused quite a ruckus at Baldercast International. He will be punished accordingly.
In the meantime, I beg your pardon. Please continue to throw rocks and redbricks through his many 20-square-foot bay windows (the lucrative field of podcasting has sadly made the bugger quite wealthy). Please avoid the mid-most left window of the level beneath it, where a blue-eyed newborn is sleeping soundly (no need to be brutish!). This will surely motivate him to finish up Episode 6!
Thank you for your endurance, Baldercastraters.
[This is where Flynn would place a laser-woosh sound effect, if he wasn’t so slothful and ineffectual]
Yes, that’s right! That is the new nickname for fans of the show. Fanship has a DIRECT effect on our iTunes rating, so you are our “raters”. We’ve created you a nice portmanteau. You’re welcome, Baldercastraters!
The Podcast!
Thanks, iTunes!
OH HAY GUYS, Dave Here!
Well well well. We are back with a spectacular, scrumptious, new episode. Who knew animals were so tasty? Who knew our special musical guest was so talented? Who knew the cops can track us using U.I.S.!!!???!???!? This episode is so good…… HOW GOOD IS IT???? Its is soooooo good, you pants will fall off and you will pass out!!!!! Tune in and succumb to your brain being numbed by episode 5 of theeeeee………….. BUH-BUH BUH-BALDERCAST!
A podcast for you!
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Welcome back to a full episode! A lot has happened. After starting several factories we have finally decided to close down 1 of them. A guest star named Justin finally does the math on our success and he has come up with 100%. Shawn makes sure his kids are water skiing and Dave makes soup out of the rarest animals. Will Jason finally preserve our nation’s greatest wonders or destroy them? All this and more on……..BALDERCAST!
A tiny podcast!
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15 MIN PODCAST!!! ARE WE OUT OF OUR MINDS!!!! Maybe we are. Are humor is so dry lately, HOW DRY IS IT?????……. Its been so dry, that the desert sounds like a dessert. OHHHH YEAAAA!!!!! you heard it here first folks. Now spit your coffee out and help out a bud get their fix.
Here is a Podcast!
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Welp, THIS JUST IN!! News that’s going to pump bullets into you! News that will give you the best trim! News that will refresh you beyond belief instead of killin’ y'all!
A brand new episode!!
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It’s the Baldercast! This week, we celebrate MLK, because it’s not right for a holiday, especially a Jewish holiday, to be over in one day. Have you ever spent December 26th taking down your Christmas tree? I hope not (but I have). If you haven’t listened to episode 1, what the heck? But you can listen to Episode 2 before Episode 1 without being any more confused than listening to either episode individually.
Here is a treat, friends!
Thanks, iTunes!
It’s The Baldercast! Hosted by sit-down comics Jason, Chris, Shawn, and Dave.
This is the inaugural episode of the Baldercast! Please sit back, relax, crack open a cold kitten, and enjoy. If you don’t like it, please be kind — or else…Rude Jail!!
Shawn: I was just instantly attracted to him
Jason: Like a southern belle
Dave: Ding Dong