The Blended Strong Podcast: Recent Episodes
Jess, Brad and Brooke
This is place where parents, stepparents, and coparents can learn skills to reduce conflict, build connection, and raise emotionally-healthy kids and stepkids.
Showing up (presence) and being fully present (purposeful) absolutely are important, as we learned earlier this week. And if that’s all you can handle at this point in your blend, then make the most of that. But also consider the importance of putting your own uncomfortable-ness (again, I know... not a real word...) aside for the sake of your child(ren). Even if all you do is “move a little bit closer in the stands”, it could make all the difference for that child, and wouldn’t THAT be worth it?!?!
Now that we've learned the importance of showing up in our blends, the second "P" of the filter is all about being PURPOSEFUL. As in being fully present...
Now I can just hear a lot of you mentally flipping back to yesterday’s module thinking “hey, didn’t we already cover this???” The short and confusing answer is “kinda, but not really…” Don't confuse your presence with being present!
Presence is a matter of the body. Being present is a matter of the mind.
The first P in the filter, and for good reason, is Presence.
One of the hardest, simplest, most straight-forward, and most reliant on YOUR actions is YOUR PRESENCE.
Just you "showing up" speaks volumes to your kids or stepkids.
If you’re like us, you’ve had some pretty inaccurate or unrealistic ideas on what it means to be “blended”.
The terms “step” and “blend” carry all sorts of meanings for different people. But no matter what your view was before, be ready to examine it and open to adjust as necessary.
Regardless of the circumstances that caused your blend, the transition into that story often raises some pretty strong questions as to what role you play now vs. the role you played before.
What we need to remember is that divorce doesn’t end family life…It just reorganizes it.
Today we’re switching from resetting outward views to looking more internally at how we view ourselves inside our blended role.
The potential circumstances that have led to your blend would be impossible for us to try to guess, but what's true for most of us is that whatever caused your blend has likely been more than a little traumatic (losing a spouse is never an easy experience, regardless of the circumstance).
And with that traumatic experience comes a whole new self-narrative, and that narrative is not always a positive one. Whether you’re brand new to the mix, or you’ve been at your blend for a long time, it’s safe to say that the situation that led to your blend in some way affects how you see yourself.
This one is going to be tough for some (or most) people. You were likely either on the receiving side or the giving side of the split, so there are some feelings about your former significant other that you’re (understandably) struggling with. Or, if you're doing LIFE with someone who's been through a divorce or split, you likely have views of "the ex" that may be less than healthy (or even accurate...)
This is the first lesson of a 21-Day #BlendedChallenge where Parents, Stepparents, and Coparents learn practical skills to create a better blend.
Day #1 is all about digging in to solidify our true why. And believe us, there’s a reason it’s first on the list! Without a strong why, none of the following days matter.
You have to dig deep and discover your reason for going through all the heartache AND joys, and everything else in-between. This must be a vision that you create that will be bigger than your hurt and reasons to stop trying. Something that pulls you forward more than just good intentions, or willpower...those push. This is a "MUST", not a "SHOULD." It must have energy, feel inspiring, and be worth fighting for.