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If new Angelie Jolie suddenly turned up looking like the old Angelie Jolie in Pushing Tin, like some kind of Benjamin Button Jennifer Love Hewitt, the internet vitriol would start WWIII.
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This movie might have had a bona fide brain fart.
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You know, your head looks like it fell in the cheese dip back in 1957. PUT ON THE GLASSES!
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We had no idea peanut butter was the solution for hair loss.
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We have ways of making you pronounce the letter "o".
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Don't panic, you can just walk at a leisurely pace away from this monster thing.
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If Melvin is the source of all your stress, you are some kind of Bozo.
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This marks the 200th live show we've done - now that's SUBSTANCE!
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We love the Purge franchise! It's great because no way could anything like this ever happen in the United States of America! It's so far-fetched! Hahaha!
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This one features the show's first ever streaking.
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The gateway to hell features a crazed Beverly D'Angelo getting super weird with her dance clothes on - doesn't seem so bad.
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This is a movie that harkens back to a time when the biggest problem facing a President is a horny daughter.
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This could have all been avoided by following one simple rule: NEVER accept a rosary as a gift from anybody - not even Mem-mem or Pep-pep - not anyone!
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Poor Charlton Heston is so lonely and entrenched in his conservatism. That's why we call him legend.
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Haven't you ever listened to a podcast just for the hell of it?
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Don't shame a child for not wanting to go swimming after losing their family in a boating accident. It's really that simple. If you want to avoid all the murder.
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This is a film that gives a strong case for remote work.
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Crime is a disease. Pretending to be Clint Eastwood is the cure. Also, his name is Marion.
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It's what's on the inside that counts, and what's inside is a tiny impish MAGA dude. Your ulcer is going to act up.
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This one's got some seriously delicious behind-the-scenes dish. You're welcome.
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Wobbly Boston and Irish and Boston Irish accents PLUS giant explosions? Yes, please!
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George Kennedy doesn't like it, but there's simply no choice.
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Thank goodness Tracy got out of being stuck in an elevator for this one!
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James Woods is wondering if he can take your sixteen-year-old daughter to Vegas.
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If you're not patriotic, he will murder you. That's right. Uncle Sam is a fascist.
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When there's no more room in hell, the dead will go to the nearest mall.
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Honey, why can't you just land the damn plane? Honey?
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Honey, come on over here, sugar buns. This machine just called me an asshole!
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Everyone who worked on Zorro The Gay Blade really believed in Zorro The Gay Blade.
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P.J. Marino doesn't just love Ghost Voyage, he stars in it! It's a lovely cruise!
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Michael Caine is a great actor. He has been in many shitty movies. This is one of them.
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A cop blows up a rocket with his handgun and gets super powers? Hell yeah, we're in!
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Todd gives an unhinged performance in this movie.
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The ghost of Frankenstein has apparently been eating some people.
Noooooooooooo.
YES!
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Did Paul Gleason ever play a nice guy? This and other pressing questions will be tackled as we talk Johnny Be Good starring Anthony Michael Hall.
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Nothing worse than having a threesome in a tent with a ventriloquist dummy and getting attacked by sexually predatory sea monsters.
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These women...well they truly are a wonder. So is Sig Haig.
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Ah, the struggles of a young white dude trying to make it in Hollywood!
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If literally everyone on staff at a hospital is creepy and weird for no reason, what exactly health plan is that?
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This is a horror movie about a guy obsessed with murdering lobsters.
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Magnum, P.I. goes to a future so far off it is impossible to even imagine!
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Robert Vaughn is so bored! George Peppard is so sauced! Sybil Danning is PERFECT.
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A crocodile saves a bunch of people from a bear, and all the thanks he gets is those same people trying to kill him.
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Your audio version of our episode on Birth is born! Congratulations!
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Come listen to us! What? You wanna live forever?
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This is the last episode of 2023! We'll see you in 2024! Happy Holidays!
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If there's one thing we never could stomach about living in Santa Carla, it's all the damn vampires!
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It's hard out here for a bigoted movie star!
(Producer's note: apologies for Todd's hot mic, there was a technical error not detected during the original airing of the show. Whaddaya want? This shit is free for you.)
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Freddy does NOT get fingered. And has very little to do with the movie.
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"Hush was the longest 96 minute movie in the history of cinema." - Jeff Luce
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What you think, Mr. Kidd? I just don't know, Mr. Gint.
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If you don't love the movie Virus, it's probably because you're coming down with something.
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Back in the 80s, they would just smash a bunch of cars. No reason. It was just something you had to do back then.
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Maybe Billy Barty relishes spitting out homophobic slurs too much in this movie?
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Here's the real twist: this movie isn't shitty. The people who hate it are.
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Spoiler alert! It really does take an inordinate amount of time for Bernie to be dead.
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These spies are like us, you see, because we're idiots.
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There's as much drool in this podcast as there is in the movie. Gross.
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If you get your haircut like Michael Dudikoff, that's called a Dudicoiffe.
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Halle Berry is a shrink who doesn't believe in ghosts even after she is possessed by ghosts and Robert Downey, Jr. just can't understand.
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It's golf. The sport alone is dicey. But the narrative is technically in line with that dicey quality...anyway, Bagger Vance is probably a ghost.
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Wherever you go, there you are...and sometimes that means walking around the Los Angeles riverbed during an end credits sequence.
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For those who were too afraid to watch it, here is the audio version of our episode on fancy porno movie Caligula. Let us penetrate your ears! (Eww. Sorry. That was gross.)
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This movie is all about poppin', lockin', and trying not to puke while standing still on a gimbal rig.
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What's the color of night? Color of Night leaves this one unanswered.
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Yeah, this is our happening. And yeah, it's freaking us out.
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What makes a musical? Monologues. Lots of monologues.
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There's a whole lot of shaking going on! And stay away from that National Guardsman.
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The only way to stop environmental disaster is creating a giant environmental disaster! Steven Seagal is enlightened, you guys!
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You can't explain it, you can't predict it! It's the audio version of our Twister episode! Watch out for that cow!
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Happy Holidays, Shitties! This special bonus podcast episode is a crossover with Fanaddicts, and it is our gift to you on this Christmas Eve! Enjoy and have a great holiday!
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Happy holidays, Shitties! Let us help guide you through your shitty Christmas movie watch list - we got some humdingers! See you in the new year!
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This podcast episode will suck you in! Guaranteed!
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Adam Sandler. Billy Bob Thornton, Peter Berg, Billy Zane. They are all going...