Secret Habit: Recent Episodes
Shawn & Helena Bonneteau
Do you wish there were some fun, purpose-driven couples talking about sex in a way that was actually helpful? Back when we were struggling, we certainly did, and that is why the Secret Habit podcast exists. We are Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and we are committed to helping you experience just how satisfying God's design for sexuality can be. Because we know what it's like to deal with things like porn addiction, betrayal trauma, and sexual struggles we can relate to your story and bring refreshing, restorative truths that will lead you to love stronger, laugh harder, and sex better.
This is Episode 100 of the SH podcast! Bring on the fireworks!! Im so excited to bring this REALLY IMPORTANT word for such a milestone episode
If you're looking for lasting freedom from porn, START with one of our 3 options here:
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Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing
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Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: https://secrethabit.ca/call/
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Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/
Iv been UBER convinced lately that guys need to grow in leadership... I did and I still do, and that's after 7 years of freedom from porn addiction!
Here are a few of my recent convictions:- Leadership is a non-negotiable- leadership is difficult and rarely taught/understood- leadership is built on empathy and strength- Iv missed out on ensuring guys feel fully equipped in the step of leadership- Anytime someone is stuck after growing in self awareness it always comes down to a lack of leadership
Here are some of the biggest challenges I see with clients recently:- Moving from self-awareness to daily AND life long change- How to live in TRUTH when what FEELS TRUE is so powerful- Leading themselves aka, renewing their minds Here is what I want to explain, explore, and coach you on today:- Where guys are struggling to lead (with examples)- Defining their inner child feelings, thoughts, and needs - Role-playing leadership to ensure you are fully equipped - my 3 step formula - Learning about the boy within - my 3 step template
- Separating what feels true from what really is true through love and STRENGTH
*For more content on inner child work, you can check out other episodes on the POD, but for now, check out some of the resources linked here, they will get you on the right track.
- Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: https://secrethabit.ca/call/
Bonus Resources:
Betrayal Trauma Coaches (Affiliated with DeepClean)
- Lila Pisor - book a call
- Stacey Oliver - book a call
Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:
-
Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing
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Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: https://secrethabit.ca/call/
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Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/
Most people struggle to feel momentum in their Christian walk. This leads to low self esteem, dull confidence and lukewarm living... which leads guys to relapsing with porn. Not a fun cycle to be in!
One of the biggest reasons I see for this is that we dont know how to truly sharpen one another (Scripture says that iron sharpens iron)
Most people are "great" at giving advice, but the advice is actually harmful, or unhelpful at best...
We focus way to much on the surface problem and neglect peoples deep pain
We must start asking questions that get to the heat of the issue
King Artaxerxis in Nehemiah 2 is a great example of what we call curiosity in the recovery world. He asks Nehemiah a wonderful question to get below the surface, and then further, he asks how he can help RATHER than assuming his advice is what he needs
I also dive ito some paradigm shifts when it comes to discipleship, accountability and friendship
These are some AWESOME tips on how to develop a healthier life which leads to quitting porn and growing in sexual integrity
Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing
Looking for lasting freedom from porn? START with one of our 3 options here:
-
Book a Call with our Team to work 1:1 with Coach Shawn: https://secrethabit.ca/call/
-
Enroll in a DIY Mini Course: https://secrethabit.thinkific.com/
-
Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing
In this episode, you'll learn why you you're coming up short even if you're "doing all the right things"
This may be in porn recovery, family, marriage, work... whatever it is, you MUST change your core motivation or else you'll stay stuck.
We all have a core identity and from that core identity we have motivations
If your motivations are focused on NOT being a failure and working hard to not be one, you'll miss the gospel
The gospel saves, PERIOD. Jesus is the solution here, but he meets us in such strategies to renew our belief system and change the very reason we do anything
May this be the driver to changing your life... its time to quit porn and masturbation, to redeem your marriage, to enjoy Godly sex and to be men of integrity!
Grab Our Free 90 Day Porn Withdrawal Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SIG3jTjSAtEtsqxqHDI8fNG7m9L8mAv5/view?usp=sharing
Have you ever considered the idea that you actually listen to yourself much more than your speak to yourself?
We all have thousands of thoughts going through our mind all day. Sadly 75% of them are from bad sources - the flesh, the world and satan... that makes the odds of hearing good things pretty low. Not only that, so many of them are deep rooted, familiar and highly toxic. These are the ones you hear the most, especially after you make a mistake.
In this episode Shawn Bonneteau unpacks the difference between listening and speaking and gives you some real life examples of how he has cut off the shame cycle after making a mistake.
This concept is incredible for porn addiction recovery, but its also a holistic idea that can impact every area of you life
Ready to learn about our all in one porn recovery system that helps men get sober from porn in 120 days?
- Book your free strategy call today
Mentions in the episode:
- "Humility: The beauty of Holiness" by Andrew Murray
I am answering the BIG questions today - why did I move to Czech? why did I join DeepClean? Why did I stop coaching with Secret Habit? Do I miss Canada? Am I staying in Czech? And so many more!
Helena and I moved to Czech back on May 30th from Canada. I joined DeepClean on June 8th and since then, its been quite the God story. However, it goes much further back, and thats what I want to share about today
If you're ready to quit porn in the next 120 days, book your free strategy call with us, we would love to help you find out the best next steps with DeepClean!
- www.secrethabit.ca/call
If you want to know more about DeepClean before booking a call, grab a free copy of "The Last Relapse"
Are you the kind of person who reads in the bible "flee temptation" and decides to lock down their phone, avoid the beach and cancel their gym membership? If so, we understand! It can be a confusing command to understand and apply correctly
Often we read stories like in Genesis 39 where Jospeh "runs" from Potipher's wife as an example of fleeing temptation.
In this episode, Shawn Bonneteau wants to offer you a perspective shift on what fleeing temptation really means and how this story has so often been taken out of context
Get ready to learn about:
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What Potiphers wife represents for us today
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Key takeaways from Joesphs response to sexual enticement
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How we surrender control to temptation too easily
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The difference between sexual temptation and sexual manipulation
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How to understand sexual temptation
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How to overcome sexual temptation
If you need help overcoming temptation, quitting porn and getting free from sexual sin, then book a call with us today, we would love to see if you're a good fit for our all in one porn recovery system "DeepClean"
secrethabit.ca/call
Scriptures read/referenced in this episode:
Geneis 39:7-12 (NIV)
Matthew 5:29-30
My 25th birthday, Aug 20th 2017, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired... I couldnt imagine another year of my life addicted to porn
My 31st birthday, Aug 20th 2023, I am 6 years free and in awe of what God has done in relatively short amount of time
For someone who was addicted for 14 years to porn, masturbation and sex, its insane how my life could change in such a radical way in the first 6 months then the next 12 months, 2 years, 4 years, and now 6 years.
It has been a wild journey and I am beyond blessed to be able to share it with the guys I work with at DeepClean.
I'll continue to make it my goal to help guys experience the freedom I feel in year 6 years so much earlier than me! I want guys to experience it in years 3 and 4 and see just how good it is to take the recovery journey seriously
Here are 3 lessons I have learned that made a HUGE difference in the quality of the freedom I am experiencing today:
- #1: My story held the answers to WHY
- #2: My Inner Child needs truth AND grace
- #3: My core needs are fulfilled in Christ
I am beyond blessed to coach men every single day to learn these same lessons, and so much more! I truly hope and pray more men will learn these things in year 1 and 2 so that their year 3 and 4 is like my year 5 and 6
If you're ready to consider working with me and getting a taste of what im talking about, then book your free strategy call with our team today.
On the call, we'll learn about your story and where you're coming from, but even better, where you want to go and how we can help.
If you're ready to experience freedom, then bro, its time to take action
Book your free call today:
secrethabit.ca/call
Emotions are a gift from God. Not only do they tell us a lot about where we need healing, they invite us to experience a fresh dose of Gods love, comfort and peace
In this episode, Shawn Bonneteau is going to dive into 2 key areas of processing emotions - labeling and validating. Theres a step by step process taught at DeepClean on how to process emotions for best results and this is a small tidbit from that incredible teaching module in the Signature program. If you want to learn more about DeepClean, book a call with someone on our team
If you struggle to label your emotions, process them or talk to God or others about them, then this episode is 100% for you! Its time to learn from your emotions so you can control them. No more being ruled by your emotions! God wants so much for for you and we believe its one of the key secrets behind lasting freedom from porn addiction, compulsive masturbation and other sexual struggles.
*Are you ready to quit porn for good?
Book your call with the DeepClean team and find out how you can join our all-in-one porn recovery system
Holistic healing from porn addiction requires trauma work, but the age old question is this: What if I didn't experience any trauma?
In this episode, Shawn Bonneteau will talk about a better way to approach the topic of trauma. Because trauma is just as much about what we learned from our experiences then it is what happened to us, we need to open our minds to what may still be driving our addictions.
Maybe you dont think you had any trauma growing up, we would beg you to listen to this episode and then consider that idea
Maybe you think you only experienced BIG T trauma and have done some healing in that area but there still seems to be some lingering issues you cant seem to get over
Either way, this episode is for you
Shawns going to uncover some incredible insights that he has applied to his own life and recovery that now has him at 6 years of freedom. He also shares these insights from years of experience coaching men from all walks of life
*Ready to quit porn once and for all?
Book a free private strategy call with our team at DeepClean to learn more about our coaching program.
There's a secret weapon to recovery and spiritual health that takes people from basic sobriety to lasting freedom. That secret weapon is forgiveness
In this episode, Shawn lays the groundwork for rethinking forgiveness and what you thought you knew about it
Get ready to learn about:
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What Jesus dying on the cross means for you
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What happens when we harbor unforgiveness
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How to rethink unforgiveness/forgiveness
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The difference between forgiving and trusting
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Pinpointing the real problems and dealing with them
This is a foundational lesson to the men I work with. Its such a key to quitting porn and overcoming sexual addictions of all forms. Its what fuels spiritual health and lasting freedom!
To learn more about working with Shawn, book a free call today
In the Bible, we see many accounts of God getting angry. We see it in the Old Testament all throughout the rebellion of His chosen people, and we see it in the New Testament when God became flesh and did things like flipping tables! It can seem confusing to see a loving God get angry when our lens is "anger is a negative emotion", but here's the kicker, it's not! Anger is a neutral emotion that I want to unpack with you today to help you better understand God and the powerful emotion He created called anger
This episode was inspired by Chapter 8 from Jay Stirngers book "Unwanted: how sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing" . I absolutely love the way Jay articulated anger. It has led to many breakthroughs in my own healing journey and with the men I have been coaching for the past 5 years!
In this episode, I am going to unpack:
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How anger can be harnessed for good
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How anger can become sinful
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The core needs of humans
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Control and Entitlement driven by anger
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Activism driven by anger
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The most important questions to ask yourself when triggered
Are you ready to get free from porn addiction?
- Book a call with our team and join the all in one program for porn recovery "DeepClean": secrethabit.ca/call
Are you looking for a free resource to get yourself started?
- Join the Secret Habit Mens Community Today: secrethabit.ca/community
Check out Episode 69 from Season 1 or Episode 2 from Season 2 if you want to dive deeper into some of the topics discussed here :)
We all have core needs and they're significant. If they go unmet, they ache. If they're met, we feel satisfied. Imagine for a second, how often do you feel one of these needs going unmet - Intimacy, Security, Significance, Affirmation, Connection, Safety, Validation? (theres tons more of course)
Well, when core needs go unmet, it doesn't feel so good. A short period of time won't be a huge bother, but what about months, years, or decades? This is where we see destruction such as porn addiction, divorce, affairs, lying, etc
In this episode, Shawn will unpack the core needs of humans and how much God cares about them. You will learn just how incredible it is when we shift our focus from what we want to what we need. When we let God into our lives to do whatever he wants, as long as a need gets met, it sounds crazy, but you'll experience satisfaction like never before
Some of the main points of the episode will cover:
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The 4 core needs of humans
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The 4 places to get your needs met
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The difference between wants and needs
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How to change your cravings to what God wants
Listen to episode 69 to learn more about our Relationship & Fellowship with God
If you want to consider coaching with Shawn, book a call and learn about the all-in-one recovery system "DeepClean"
Credit to Sathiya Sam from DeepClean and Drew Boa from Husband Material for helping me share about this topic
The church has often had a stance on porn addiction that seems to breed more shame and struggle... I love the Lord's bride (the church) but I am also heartbroken at its lack of help when it comes to porn addiction
In this talk I gave at Rock Church in Lower Sackville, Nova Scotia, I break down 4 of the most common misunderstandings in the church, as well as handle 2 main objections I get when doing my porn recovery ministry
Along the way, you will learn about the science behind addiction, current stats and my story of sexual bondage to freedom
If you're ready to work with a coach, then join our program Deep Clean Signature (Created by Sathiya Sam). Book your free call today and someone from my team would love to help you learn more:secrethabit.ca/call
If a free resource sounds more digestible, join the free Secret Habits men's community today: secrethabit.ca/community
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To learn more about Shawn and his work with DeepClean, check out Episode 555 from Unleash the man within with Sathiya Sam
Feeling like God's love is predicated on your performance is the greatest lie that keeps people in the cycle of shame and stuck in unsuccessful recovery forever. Trying to overcome porn addiction, pmo, erectile dysfunction or other sexual struggles are going to feel impossible when you believe God only loves you when you do well... This lie has kept too many Christians in a life of survival for far too long
Today, I want to talk about just how incredible our God is and how our loving relationship with Him is never ending and never failing. I also want talk about how our fellowship with God is really what we need to focus on developing if we want to experience a life of abundance
Get ready to learn about:
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The difference between relationship and fellowship with God
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Why relationship with God must be the foundation to our fellowship with God
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How to trust in god's unconditional love even when we sin
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How to enter into and stay in fellowship with God to experience His blessings
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Why this is fundamental to porn addiction recovery and other healing journeys.
This will be the last episode of our podcast for a while. There may be the odd recording posted between now and mid-June but we're going to take a break from podcasting as we move to Europe.
Resources to utilize while we're taking a break:
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The Secret Habit Porn Recovery Mens Community
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"Beneath The Skin" Betrayal Trauma Recovery Program
Credit to:
Ministry Catalysts "Launching Multipliers"
I’ve heard it said that all trauma has to do with loss. That's a profound statement! This means that grief and loss are a part of the journey to healing past trauma. And that’s precisely why I wanted to bring Jason Flinn on the show to talk about Navigating Grief on the Road to Recovery.
Jason is a Greif Recovery Method Specialist certified through The Grief Recovery Institute. This guy knows what he's talking about! The best part about Jason is it's not just theoretical. He lost both his parents and had to learn what it meant to truly grieve and find what he calls “completion” in those relationships
In this interview, you will learn about the following:
- Jason's story and passion for grief work and resiliency coaching
- The Greif Recovery Handbook and Program
- The myths about recovery
- The unhelpful responses we often get when we’re grieving
- Enshrinement and Bedevilment
- Understanding our coping mechanisms
- How to know where and when you experience grief and loss
- Creating a loss graph
- Writing letters of completion to the relationships that carry pain
- Mindset shifts and building resiliency
I love how applicable this is for anyone! This is for EVERYONE. It will help if you’re struggling with pmo, betrayal trauma, erectile dysfunction, or other unwanted sexual behaviours.
I personally (Shawn) went through coaching with Jason for 7 weeks and was so blessed by it!
To learn more about Jason and working with him, here are some ways you can connect:
- www.vaultlifecoaching.ca
- https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/jason-flinn
- jason@vaultlifecoaching.ca
- WhatsApp: 902-292-9106
SPECIAL OFFER to anyone who signs up with Jason in the next 30 days: Share that you were referred over from “Secret Habit” and you will receive $50 off the 7-week program
Other Next Steps with Secret Habit:
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If you’re looking to quit pornography or other unwanted sexual behaviours and want to work with Shawn, book a coaching consultation today
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Join our free mens porn recovery community and get access to great content and support such as this live training, 3 free courses and daily posts of encouragement and help.
Lately, we have been struck by how easy it is to get caught up in "positive" thinking. It seems this approach is more concerned with hype and motivation rather than grounding itself in truth. And that's where we look to the Bible for our absolute truth and the truest form of positivity.
In this episode, we want to uncover the differences between "positive thinking" and truth-based thinking. We believe this will be a catalyst for your pornography recovery and overcoming things like pmo, betrayal trauma and other sexual struggles.
Get ready to learn more about:
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Renewing your mind (Grab the free course in the men's community "The 3 essential steps to quitting porn" for further insights on journalling)
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Uncomfortable truths that are truly positive
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Conflict resolution
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Why positive thinking doesnt work
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Harnessing the power of the Holy Spirit
Join The Live Training Wednesday April 19th ay 7pm EST:
Through the Valley of Loss: Navigating Grief on the Road to Recovery with Jason Flinn
Scriptures referenced in this episode:
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1 Peter 2:20: Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.
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Habbukuk 3:17-19:
17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,[f]
able to tread upon the heights.
Taking offence to honesty is a really common reason why couples avoid "rocking the boat" at all costs. Sadly, this comes at a cost to their sexual satisfaction, trust and confidence with one another.
This was our story for many years... We were stuck in the cycle of getting offended when the other would share about an unpleasant smell, a stressful day taking their mind off of sex or something else that was fair and rational. However, when feelings took over, logic went out the door.
Maybe you can relate? Maybe you're stuck on how you feel more than what is real?
In this episode, we want to help you:
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Focus on what is real, logical and true during healthy conflict and communication
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Be honest with love
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Grow in awareness around your own body and what the other person may be thinking/needing
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Become solutions focused and desire centric
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Become a leader in your intimacy and sex life
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Grow in curiosity and compassion toward yourself and your spouse
We understand porn addiction, betrayal trauma and other sexual struggles can cause deeper problems to this. However, we wanted to make sure we covered a topic that we see as necessary if you ever want to take 100% responsibility and move through your struggles into freedom.
If you want to learn more about deeper healing, listen to our past episodes that get into erectile dysfunction, pornography addiction, being honest, rebuilding trust, etc. Last week's episode was all about overcoming the lie that "sex is a chore", its a must-listen if you're feeling stuck!
To get free access to the live training "Through the Valley of Loss: Navigating Grief on the Road to Recovery", join the mens community today. Its 100% free and loaded with resources and support
Please share, rate and review :)
Sex was made by God to be a beautiful and satisfying experience for married couples. If this is true, then why do so many couples feel the complete opposite!? At the surface, it seems like sex is a lot of work or after a long day at work or with the kids, the energy tank is just too low to think about it. But if we get below the surface and get to the root, its incredible what we find.
In this episode, we want to pull back the rug and share with you what we see as the underbelly sex feeling like a chore. Get ready to learn about
- The cultural narratives we hear and agree with
- The damage of unfair expectations and performance mentality
- Why porn is seen as easier than real sex
- What Gods design for sex really is
- The main barriers standing in the way of communication about sex
- How to communicate about sex as a couple
- Relational dynamics that are killing sexual arousal and desire
- Creating your own Sexual Template
We have a deep passion for Christian marriages to thrive. We believe this is done when together a man and women become fully known so they can be fully loved. A huge step in this is facing our own struggles, becoming vulnerable and getting help as we walk with Jesus.
If you're addicted to porn, stuck in pmo, dealing with betrayal trauma or have other unwanted sexual behaviours, then we're glad you're here to glean from our experiences of overcoming all of these and more through Gods power
Ready to take the next step in your recovery?
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Join the free men's recovery community and get free access to the Sexual Template course
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Book a coaching consult call with Shawn and see if you're a good fit for his program
Please leave a rating and review if you found this episode helpful!
If you really want to help spread the word, share this with someone who needs help in their marriage and sex life. You could have a helping hand in changing the trajectory of their life!
I've heard it said that it takes 10 positive experiences to equal the power of 1 negative experience. If that's true, then it's no wonder shame is running rampant in our lives. And when shame has more power in our lives than the word of God, we begin to question our worth, isolate and numb. And when these become habitual, we're on our way to forming habits around sinful behaviours such as watching porn.
This episode was inspired by a powerful approach Shawn Bonneteau learned from Jay Stringer in his famous book "Unwanted". It's the concept of "swimming toward the shark of shame" so we can face, defy and dismantle the lies we believe about ourselves and other people. It's all too common that we hear in the church that there is no condemnation in Christ, but then we realize the church is full of people who are feeling shame about some area of their lives. This doesn't say anything about Jesus, but it certainly says a lot about the approaches we're offering to handle shame.
Here you will learn the 4 step blueprint to defying and dismantling shame so you can live in the truth and light of Jesus Christ. We truly believe this is at the heart of one's freedom and abundance as a Christian. If you learn this, I believe you will begin to reclaim what God intended for you. You will begin to thrive in hope, peace and joy... and we desperately want this for you!
This is at the heart of recovery from pmo, betrayal trauma, sexual shame and other sexual struggles. No matter if you're single, dating, engaged, married or divorced, there's so much to learn from the word of God and His truth! It's the only way we can truly defy the lies in our life.
Are you ready to take the next steps in your recovery?
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Want free resources and a safe place to heal? Join our free men's community today
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Ready to work with a coach? Book a free coaching consult call with Shawn
Books mentioned in the episode:
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Unwanted by Jay Stringer
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Going Deeper by Eddie Capparucci
One of the key traits of an addict is lying... And it's this trait that drives everyone crazy! In the context of marriage, so often husbands think they're doing something noble by hiding their addiction to porn while their partners can't fathom why they would be so deceitful. This causes such tension in their connection, intimacy and trust and leaves them both feeling disconnected and misunderstood.
The reality is, secrets lead to damaged intimacy. There's a quote we love that says "where secrets are present, intimacy is absent" and we live by it 100%. When a man decides to hide his addiction to porn, or the continued relapses to pornography, he is destroying trust and intimacy every second he keeps it a secret. And it's not only because of his wife but also because secrets are like drinking poison!
This is why we want to talk in this episode about making right-standing (righteous) decisions rather than good/nice decisions (self-righteous). We're talking about the choice to honor God before you honor man, or the choice to honor emotions and feelings before God. This is HUGE, and plays an incredible role in your recovery, marriage and dignity as a human being.
The main points we will cover in the show are:
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The difference between right standing and being good
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What does lying really do to a relationship
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What we all need and long for as humans
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Doing a full disclosure ("D-Day")
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How to become a person of right standing
This is an episode we believe will make a huge impact on all areas of life. Regardless if that's helping you with porn addiction, masturbation compulsion, porn-induced erectile dysfunction, betrayal trauma or other sexual struggles, we trust that God works in these places when we truly humble ourselves and surrender to His truth and not our own idea of morality.
Ready to quit porn, follow our 3-step plan:
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Join our free men's community
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Sign up for a free course in the community
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Start 1 on 1 coaching
Please rate & review our show, it helps others hear our content and get the help they're searching for! It only takes 2 minutes :)
One of the biggest struggles I see with my clients no matter where they live or how old they are is creating healthy relationships. I have pinpointed 4 main barriers that stand in the way of someone taking the risks a healthy relationship requires and I want to help you break them down in this episode.
I believe healthy relationships breed the type of connection we long for. I also believe that when we feel connected, we feel safe, secure, loved, cared for and wanted. These are all VITAL to someone being free from sexual addiction and feeling redeemed. Relationships are truly one of the key elements to a successful recovery and life that you must take seriously.
This episode is taken from a live training Shawn Bonneteau did in the Secret Habit Mens Community. These are hosted once per month and for those in the community, you get access to a 20-minute Q and A afterward! Make sure to join the community today!
In this episode, you will learn about:
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The 4 barriers keeping you from healthy relationships
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The practical solutions required to break the barriers
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Biblical examples of healthy relationships
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Applicable and helpful next steps so you can get started today
The goal of this live training is to help you create purposeful relationships that bless your recovery and life. that's it! If you find this to be too simple and there are further traumas and struggles in the way, please reach out for coaching, I would love to chat and see how I can help
Ready to quit porn, follow our 3-step plan:
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Join our free men's community
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Sign up for a free courses in the community
-
Start 1 on 1 coaching
Please rate & review our show, it helps others hear our content and get the help they're searching for! It only takes 2 minutes :)
How do I make my wife feel safe again after my porn addiction? This is a question that has been asked by men over the years. Women are not happy because they are not safe, and they will never feel safe until you make them feel like they can trust you again. The safety element is kind of a building block in building trust, and it’s a foundational element that must be in place before you can really start to rebuild the trust between you.
In this episode, Helena and Shawn Bonneteau are going to help you understand the do's and don't s of how to make your wife feel safe again. Helena will give you some practical steps that you can take to rebuild trust with your wife and help her to feel safe again while on your journey to overcome masturbation and porn addiction.
Many men think that they already know what their wives need from them and they think going to meetings, and calling their sponsors makes her feel safe. But it's not that simple. Here you will quickly learn:
- When you're in sobriety, you have to keep on doing the things that make your wife feel safe.
- Not doing things isn't changing and sobriety from behavior change doesn't equal trust
- Sobriety in itself isn't the solution, being more like Christ is... Changing from the inside is.
- Recovery's not doing things, it's changing. Changing is an integral part of us
Answer:
- Define what is safe and what is safe and what restores safety.
- Being busy with recovery leads to tiredness, irritability, and grumpiness which translates to being unsafe for your wife
- Wife watches who you are more than what you do
What is safe?
- Wife seeing husband growing with God, seeking integrity
- Having curiosity and asking for clarity and help. (What do you need right now? What would make you feel safe? What would make you feel this is rebuilding trust?)
- Expressing a willingness and desire to change/heal
- Taking ownership, apologizing, seeking to reconcile
What is unsafe?
- Assuming you know what she wants, needs and likes
- Breaking boundaries without respecting them
- Abdicating leadership and role as man and leader; Being passive-aggressive, avoiding conflict and tension.
- Not fulfilling your God-given role of protector and provider.
This episode is ultimately all about finding out what your wife wants and likes which helps remove the assumptions that bring marriage struggles between couples. Learning each other's boundaries and how to respect each other boundaries is a big part of what helps build trust in a relationship. When you respect each other's boundaries, it shows that you care about them and their feelings. If you're wondering how to rebuild trust with your wife after masturbation and porn addiction (and make her feel safe and happy), then this episode will help get started on the right path.
Ready to quit porn? Follow our simple plan:
-
Join our free men's community
-
Sign up for some free courses in the community
-
Start 1 on 1 coaching
Ready to heal from Betrayal Trauma?
Grab the "Beneath The Skin" video course for only $49 cdn
PLEASE Comment, like, and share the episode
Our natural fear response is incredibly helpful to us as humans. However, it can also be the very cause of our struggles with things like addiction, conflict, safety, and relationships. Naturally, our body goes into shock when we perceive or experience danger. This is our nervous system reacting and helping us survive. Unfortunately, this natural response can become a prison for us if we don't understand what's going on and how to come back to a place of safety and calm.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena are going to help you understand and overcome the response of your nervous system to fear so you can build stronger relationships and a better sex life. Get ready to hear about:
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What happens inside of you when you perceive or experience danger
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The different types of fear responses - fight, flight, fawn, freeze, shut down, flop
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How your brain works when you get stuck in fear
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The problems of staying stuck in the red zone
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The solution to staying in and getting back to the green zone (safe, calm, and grounded)
This episode is ultimately all about regulating your emotions, and that's a crucial part of healing for anyone who wants to quit porn, overcome sex addiction, heal from betrayal trauma, or simply be healthier in their marriage and relationships. We deeply care about marriages thriving and feel as if this teaching may be one of the most important ones to understand and apply!
Ready to quit porn? Follow our simple plan:
-
Join our free men's community
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Sign up for some free courses in the community
-
Start 1 on 1 coaching
-
Get free from porn
*The basis of this episode is from things we have learned from people like Adan Young talking about Polyvagal theory, as well as our own counselors along the way.
So many of us do things we wish we did not do. It's one thing to not want to do them, it's another thing to know how to stop! For any of you that know the famous text in Romans 7:15, I'm sure you can relate to Paul's internal battle of doing what he hates, even though he knows what is good. From a psychological standpoint, this sort of inner war happens because of things like childhood trauma, no matter how big or small. When we experience something painful or come to believe something that goes against God's truth while in our formative years, it leads to that part of us getting stuck in "childish" thinking, aka. immaturity. It's as if the child within gets frozen in time and cannot mature, no matter how hard you try!
In this episode, you will hear from Shawn Bonneteau's teaching on inner child healing, as well as internal family systems and the concept of parts work. This recording was from his live training that was live in the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Mens Community.
Get ready to learn about:
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Healing your inner child through being re parented
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Recognizing and healing the parts of you that carry shame
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Understanding your inner manager, firefighter and exiles
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What is happening inside the brain, mind and body when you get triggered
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Your 3 roles in healing your parts and inner child
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The 9 steps of inner child healing recovery
This approach has been incredibly helpful for porn addiction recovery and healing from other unwanted sexual behaviours. If you're struggling with watching porn, masturbation, sex addiction, or any other form of sexual shame, then I would encourage you to consider this opportunity to heal the deeper roots of your struggles.
To watch this live training and not just listen, join the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Mens Community
- Get access to live trainings like this every month! The next one is Feb 25th - RSVP inside the community for free
Ready to get coaching? Check these links out:
1 on 1 Coaching with Shawn (For porn addiction, unwanted sexual behaviours and porn-induced erectile dysfunction)
Group Coaching with Shawn (For men who want to outgrow unwanted sexual behaviours)
Sexual shame is often at the heart of marriages that are sex-starved, disconnected and hurting. It's incredibly insidious... causing good-meaning people to lie, people please, isolate, and wear destructive masks. Sadly, the pain of past abuse, poor choices, and what are seen as shameful acts cause all of us to question ourselves and wonder if we can truly be loved for who we are and for what we have/had done to us.
This is where we get to know shame very well. In the most vulnerable places that feel impossible to share with others... Shame says "you are bad" and seeks to attack our identities. And this is why this topic is SO important... God says "You are special" while shame says something very different.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena share from their personal story of how sexual shame kept them in the shackles of bondage for so long. It kept them in hiding, fear and constant lying... But there's good news, they are free today, and with that, want to bring a very real and hopeful message
Get ready to learn about:
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The difference between shame and guilt
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How pride and shame go hand and hand
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What shame is and feels like
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Shawns' story of PIED (porn-induced erectile dysfunction)
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Helenas story of sexual abuse and body shame
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Four Steps to healing from sexual shame and other identity issues
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Shawn and Helenas most helpful lesson they learned along the way
Shawn talks about the sexual template in this episode and how it was crucial to his recovery from PIED. To grab a free copy of Shawns course, join the free men's recovery community today
Books referenced:
Unwanted by Jay Stringer (Chapter 11)
You are Special by Max Lucado (Punchinello)
It's one thing to find freedom from porn addiction, PIED and betrayal trauma, but it's another thing to continue to heal the deep roots and experience greater levels of freedom.
In this really real and honest episode, Shawn and Helena share some of the recent pain points in their lives and some profound findings as they heal through a difficult season of emotional turmoil. Shawn's original call from the Lord was the "use his story as a way to share hope with others" and we hope this episode does just that. One of the greatest things we can all do for our marriages and families is to continually work on finding deeper healing from our pasts, so we can live fully in the present.
Hear even more of Shawn and Helena's story on the Braveharts Hero's Journey Virtual Summit: Sign up now or FREE access during the conference
In this episode you will hear/learn about:
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The contrast of being free from porn and betrayal and forgetting the dark days VS struggling with porn addiction or betrayal trauma and wondering if you'll ever get there
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The valuable God lessons we learn through our healing journeys rather than experiencing a miracle like Paul
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HELENA's update on a season of feeling like God was silent
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That God always speaks and wants to speak to His children
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The Assurance in Christ's death and resurrection
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How to fixate on the beauty of who you are in Christ
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The power of coming boldly and confidently to God who is our Mighty Counsellor
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The importance of Seeking, Knocking, and keeping it up until you will Find (Matthew 7:7-8)
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The relationship we have with God that leads to our fellowship
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The security we have in Christ that leads to our Assurance
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SHAWN's Update on a season where he felt hopeless, fearful and avoidant
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Attachment and how to be reparented by God
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Our spiritual focus: Do we build our own "house" or do we build the Lord's "house" ( Book of Haggai)
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The difference between sharing emotions with God and sharing our situations (Psalm 34)
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Deeper levels of healing = Greater levels of freedom
Join Shawns Story Healing Group Coaching
Or, Join the free men's recovery community
Book recommendation:
Troy Black: Stop Worrying
Knowing what route to take for your recovery can be a tough decision... So often we are faced with many options, but which ones are actually helpful? And that's why we want to talk about the differences between group coaching and 1 on 1 coaching, as well as what to look for to ensure you're going to get the quality help and support you need. We know when you want to achieve things like quitting porn, healing from PIED and rebuilding your sexual and emotional confidence, its vital to find the right help to get you from point A to point B
In this episode, Shawn and Helena share their personal experience with group and 1 on 1 coaching, as well as professional experiences when working with clients. They offer insights to help you make the best decision for your personal recovery journey. That's our goal here, not to sell you on us, but to help you see what's best for you and offer some resources and options that may help.
Get ready to learn about:
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Accountability vs. Attunement Dynamics
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Competition vs. Compassion & Curiosity Dynamics
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Helpful topics/areas to cover and uncover when going through coaching
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What to look out for: the good and the bad
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1 on 1 coaching vs group coaching - the pros and cons of both
For more information:
FOR GROUPS: Learn more about Shawns group coaching
FOR ONE on ONE: Book a Recovery Navigator Call With Shawn
--
Bonus resource for women looking for a Betrayal Trauma recovery group
Intimacy in your marriage is about so much more than just having sex. It's all about closeness and connection between 2 people. In this episode, Shawn Bonneteau has the privilege of interviewing Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo to hear more about their incredible book The 6 Pillars of Intimacy
Here's a bit about our guests today: As co-hosts of the top marriage podcast in Apple Podcasts, the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show, Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo speak to a worldwide audience about sex, love & commitment, and challenge every listener to make their relationship a priority. Their best-selling book, The 6 Pillars of Intimacy, has transformed countless marriages around the world. This framework is simple, practical, and powerful. You’ll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by its commonsense approach.
Tony and Alisa are total legends in the area of intimacy! They have been coaching and educating marriages for 13 years now... that's a lot of wisdom! In this episode, you're going to learn all about the 6 pillars of intimacy:
- Emotional Intimacy: Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication
- Physical Intimacy: The Non-Sexual Intimacy!
- Financial Intimacy: Being on the same page
- Spiritual Intimacy: Going deeper in your faith together
- Recreational Intimacy: Having Fun!
- Sexual Intimacy: romance, initiating, foreplay and intercourse
- BONUS: Learn how each pillar is built up and made strong, and how each pillar begins to crack!
Here's a bit about the 6 Pillars of Intimacy Book:
- The six intimacies (pillars), and how to use them.
- How to keep the pillars solid and straight so your marriage thrives
- How your marriage can start to collapse if the pillars become damaged
- The author’s real-life story, experience, and relationship struggles.
Here's a bit about the 6 Pillars of Intimacy Workbook:
- Get clarity on each of the 6 Pillars of Intimacy.
- Develop an understanding of how you each show up in the marriage.
- Build action steps that you can really implement.
- Understand how you can take action today.
To learn more about Tony and Alisa and what they're doing with The One Extraordinary Marriage, go to:
oneextraordinarymarriage.com
@oneextraordinarymarriage on IG
6pillarsofintimacy.com
To learn more about Secret Habits resources and coaching:
Get your free copy of our "Creating a Sexual Template" course (Available in our free men's community)
Join Shawns' special private group coaching starting Feb 15th! For more info check out secrethabit.ca/group
When a man cannot get or stay erect due to the influence of pornography consumption, we call this Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED). It's a really hot issue right now and it's affecting men from all walks of life. Porn-induced erectile dysfunction has become an epidemic due to the incredibly high rates of men addicted to internet pornography (some stats show up to 70% of men are watching porn regularly). PIED occurs when the consumption of pornography causes physiological damage to the brain and psychological damage to the mind. This results in things like atrophied dopamine receptors, deteriorated grey matter of the brain and skewed beliefs about masculinity and sex.
Your co-host Shawn Bonneteau had a struggle with PIED and psychological ED for many years. In this episode, he and Helena dig into what he went through as he struggled, what he learned and what changed so he could be healed and free today. You will also hear from Helena and the perspective of a woman... because this issue affects women too!
In this episode, we will talk about:
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client success stories from Josh and Grayson
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what is Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction
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Shawn's story of struggling with and overcoming PIED
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The medical systems perspective
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The Pornified brain
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how to overcome porn-induced erectile dysfunction in 4 practical steps
FREE resources to help you quit porn and overcome PIED
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Creating a Sexual Template course
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The 4 Stages of Porn Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
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Secret Habit Mens Community
If you want to take the next step and learn about coaching with Shawn, book a free call with him here
Successful recovery from porn addiction requires good habits, but how do you develop them? It doesn't "just happen" that's for sure. It's all about making small adjustments to your mindset and decisions. This is how you can begin "winning the day" which is what helps you win the week, the month and the years ahead.
The 6 porn addiction recovery habits we will discuss in this episode are:
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Being outcome focus over task focus
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Anticipating the good
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Being Connected (Because the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, its CONNECTION)
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Start and end your day with intentionality
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Develop self-awareness
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Having fun
This is from a live training Shawn did back in the summer called "Winning The Day: Recovery Rhythms" which was for a male audience but is applicable to anyone!
JOIN the free private men's porn recovery community today and get full access to monthly live trainings, free courses, and recovery support so you can quit porn for good!
Finding accountability partners for porn addiction recovery can feel arduous. Regardless if it's online or in person, it's never easy to open up about what you’re going through. This is why it's so important to find a place that connects like-minded men in a safe and growth-focused environment. Because safety is one of the most important pieces to helping people open up about porn addiction and masturbation. If we don't feel safe as humans, we retreat and turtle. On top of that, we need relatability - people who are on the same path or who have walked the path and made it to the other side. Safety and relatable peers are two vital components that I would encourage you to look for when considering finding porn addiction online accountability partners.
I want to share with you something I WISH was available when I was addicted to porn… I went to many years feeling alone and want to ensure my redeemed failures and hurts can help you avoid what I went through. May this resource be a blessing to you as you embark on finding safety, relatability and truly helpful accountability in your porn addiction recovery.
After working with men 1 on 1 for the past 4 years, I was noticing something problematic in almost everyone I worked with… they lacked friendships, connections and routines. To be able to quit porn, you really do need all 3 of these. Friendships are like oxygen to the soul, connection is the true opposite of addiction and routines help men stay on track until their minds, brains and bodies recalibrate. This is why I created the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Community. It exists to be a safe space for Christian men to heal from porn addiction and other unwanted sexual behaviours. The goal is for men to feel safe, secure and confident that they are loved, seen and cared for at all times. This is the foundation for a successful recovery from pornography and we believe in it whole heartily! And our passion is to see men become confident, healthy and free to engage in the world around them while advancing as healthy fulfilled followers of Jesus Christ.
In this episode, you'll learn about the Secret Habit Men's Recovery Community and all that it offers:
- A Safe Space To Share Your Struggles, Wins and Questions With Like-Minded Men
- Complimentary Recovery Navigator Call with Shawn
- Expert Insight from Shawn and other Moderators
- Free Access To "The 3 Essential Steps To Quitting Porn" Virtual Course
- Free Access To The "Creating a Sexual Template" Virtual Course
- Podcast Episode, Blog and Special Content Posted Weekly
- Free Access To Zoom Calls for Support, Prayer, Encouragement and Training.
- No Ads or Distractions When Using The Community
- Available on Desktop & Mobile App
Click here to join the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Community and make 2023 your best year yet!
We all get sexually triggered, but that's not the problem. The problem is that very few men actually know why they're being triggered and how to deal with the root issue. This makes it really hard if you want to experience freedom porn... In this live teaching from Secret Habit's lead coach Shawn Bonneteau, you're going to learn the 3 essentials to understanding, handling and overcoming your triggers so you can gain the awareness and self-control that freedom from porn requires.
This episode is taken from a recording of a live training Shawn did back in the summer of 2022 called "Sexual Triggers, Why They Happen & What You Can Do About Them". He is speaking to a male audience but what he shares is applicable to anyone struggling with porn addiction, sexual triggers and other unwanted sexual behaviours.
In this episode, I will help you understand why you get triggered, what to do when you get triggered, and how you can develop the confidence to deal with them when they arise.
In this episode you will learn about:
- How Sexual Triggers reveal our insecurities that have been sexually hijacked
- How to learn from our triggers so we can deal with their root issue - our unmet needs
- How to develop a gameplan and self-talk routine focused on understanding our core needs is a proactive and healthy way to develop confidence and overcome our sexual triggers
JOIN our free men's porn recovery community for more trainings, content, support and help as you work towards freedom in 2023!
Inner child healing has become a really popular concept as of late. Just recently, I became an Inner Child Recovery Specialist. It's becoming so popular because it makes a ton of sense and the approach really works! If you have felt stuck in your addiction to porn, are acting out in ways that are far from mature and continually feel confused about how you got to the point of relapsing once again, then this approach is definitely for you. The concept of how to heal your inner child is one thing, but what I want to do is walk you through the 9 steps I am helping my clients with on a daily basis. Let's unpack this so you leave feeling like you have a grasp on the ideology as well as the practicality.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena will help you learn:
1. What is inner child healing?
2. Why does inner child healing matter?
3. The 9 steps of inner child healing (The How)
These 9 steps will help you do 6 key things:
- help you pinpoint the fears keeping you from mature decisions.
- help you name the things that trigger the inner child to activate and run towards things like porn
- help you understand what the inner child does to protect and cope and why
- help you become aware of what your inner child needs so you can see what the real problem is
- help you grow in love, care and leadership so you can help your inner child feel seen, supported and led to follow your leadership as a mature adult
- help you invite Jesus into the very areas that need His love so you can experience more and more of His goodness.
So many people go through life struggling with porn, masturbation, erectile dysfunction, drugs, etc, all without any inclination as to why they struggle… Thats point one. Point two is that 99% of them condemn the heck out of themselves! This is why inner child healing matters! It offers you the chance to understand your pain, temptations, triggers and coping choices… not because understanding them is everything, but it opens the door for you to say “Oh! That makes sense why I fear this, or hate that, or want this, or am triggered by that!” When we can get to this point, we can then offer ourselves compassion. What? Offer compassion? Yep! We all need love and care when we’re in the dumps, not condemnation and rigidity. That's why this works. You’re going to practice the art of “loving before you lead”.
If you're looking for some hands on help with inner child work, join Shawn in the Secret Habit community and RSVP to the FREE live training on "recognizing and healing the parts of you".
Read the Blog Here:
Credit:
Eddie Capparucci and his book "Going Deeper"
Kim Miller and her book "boundaries for the soul"
Knowing how to help your partner who is struggling with porn can be really confusing... What's your role? Whats too much? What is healthy and whats unhealthy?
These are questions we hear all the time and we hope to bring some light to how you can help your partner as they recover from porn addiction.
This episode was recorded to answer a question we got directly from a listener, here's what she wrote:
“My boyfriend told me a few weeks ago that he struggles with pornography and in the midst of processing that I’m also trying to understand what my role is in his healing and how I can be supportive and encouraging while still maintaining an appropriate relationship given that we’re not married. I know walking through an addiction together can be painful and can also bring couples to a really deep level of intimacy because it’s such a personal issue, and I want to be wise about how emotionally intimate we become at this point in our relationship”
We cover 3 major insights in this episode to help answer her question and shed light on her situation. The 3 areas we touch on are:
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Having a Standard With Grace (Truth & Grace)
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Focusing On Emotional Intimacy
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Really Getting To Know One Another
We have a STRONG passion for relationships to thrive. It was actually this passion that fueled everything we do with Secret Habit. We want couples, especially pre-marriage, to get on the same page so they begin their marriage ahead of the 8 ball... This is why we record episodes like this and continue to release new episodes every week!
Read our BLOG post on: How To Help Your Partner With Porn Addiction?
JOIN NOW
MEN, join the free Secret Habit recovery community, 100% free and loaded with content and value for you to enjoy right now
Episodes referenced in the show
Dos and Donts of Recovery
Doing vs Attending Recovery
In the last episode, we were talking about the first 2 stages of porn addiction withdrawal symptoms. In this episode, you can look forward o hearing about the better half of the process of withdrawal stages 3 & 4 and a little bonus about stage 5.
We are covering what to expect the first 90 days after quitting porn.
Get ready to learn about:
- The last 2 stages of Porn Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
- What's going on inside your brain, body, and mind (and how they’re different)
- What you can expect to experience and feel as you move through the stages
- The mindset shifts sobriety requires
- Simple daily and weekly action steps to help you move through each stage.
- How to look ahead to better days so you can get through anything today
Blog & Downloadable PDF: 4 Stages Of Porn Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
Website: Secret Habit
We recently launched our Free Online Community For Men: You Can Join here
What to expect in the first 90 days after quitting porn from a couple's perspective.
Most men today are completely lost when it comes to healing from porn. They’re left to white knuckle, manage their lust and throw mud against the wall hoping something will finally work. The reality is that the first 90 days of recovery are tough! It can feel impossible to make it through these days when your body is experiencing withdrawals that cause pain and discomfort. But what if these days were just part of the process? What if the withdrawals and discomforts were a sign that you were healing?
Get ready to learn about:
- First 2 stages of Porn Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
- What's going on inside your brain, body, and mind (and how they’re different)
- What you can expect to experience and feel as you move through the stages
- The mindset shifts sobriety requires
- Simple daily and weekly action steps to help you move through each stage.
- How to look ahead to better days so you can get through anything today
Blog & Downloadable PDF: 4 Stages Of Porn Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms
Website: Secret Habit
We recently launched our Free Online Community For Men: You Can Join here
"The 6 conflicting forces" Shawn digs into today will give you a deeper insight into how to identify an addiction to porn and understand the root issues beneath the surface. Get ready to learn about how porn addiction is driven by deprivation, dissociation, futility, unconscious arousal, lust and anger. In this groundbreaking concept, you will learn all about why you do what you do, why you can't seem to stop watching porn and what is standing in the way from you experiencing freedom.
Topics of discussion in this episode:
1. Deprivation: Denying yourself the fulfilment of God-given needs and wants (AKA. necessities)
2. Dissociation: Disconnecting and disengaging from thinking, feeling and remembering
3. Futility: A lack of purpose, meaning or motivation
4. Arousal: Conditioned and turned on by things from our past
5. Anger: when left unchecked it becomes controlling and entitled
6. Lust: when left unchecked it becomes selfish and covetous
*This is an audio clip from Shawns "Porn Recovery Accelerator" - His all-in-one coaching system for Christian men who want to find lasting freedom from porn. This video was inspired by Chapter 8 of Jay Stringer's book Unwanted. Join the Recovery Accelerator
Join the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Community for Men today!
When we try and do things alone and avoid vulnerability, we become blind to the things that we cannot see. Also, when we are alone, shame can easily develop and cause us to isolate ourselves further. The partnership of Isolation and shame is incredibly dangerous… especially for those who are struggling with porn addiction. Many men that I work with feel as if others will judge them, which is not something I have ever seen in the Secret Habit community. Many men feel as if others do not have the time for them, which again, is amazing when it's reiterated that they can call them anytime, and sadly, many men simply feel as if they do not matter, which, if you’re breathing air, then you matter because God made you and you matter to Him.
In this episode, Shawn is going to help you understand what it means to become vulnerable with trusted people in your life and why it is vital to your recovery from porn addiction. Sometimes people think they have to seek help from someone like a coach or a therapist, and I'm all for that... but I want you to understand that you can seek help right now, with someone in your life, simply by opening up and being real. The power of vulnerability will blow your mind when you begin to apply it with the right people in your life.
Get ready to learn about:
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The common struggles men face when becoming vulnerable during their struggle with porn.
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The role of shame in our lives and how it keeps us from opening up
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Why vulnerability is so important to your porn recovery
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Practical steps that you can apply literally today (especially if you join the free Secret Habit community)
*This is an audio clip from Shawns "Porn Recovery Accelerator" - His all-in-one coaching system for Christian men who want to find lasting freedom from porn. Join the Recovery Accelerator
Free offer: Join the Secret Habit Porn Recovery Community for Men today!
In the past, it was widely believed that porn addiction wasn’t real; that it was just a myth made up by moralists trying to control people’s behavior. However, more and more studies have shown that pornography impact the brain in very serious ways. On top of that, porn addiction has been proven to cause serious problems in your work, relationships and your sense of personal health and well-being. If you’re constantly preoccupied with watching porn or engaging in other sexual activities, if you keep going back to pornography despite negative consequences in your life, or if you’re just beginning to experience symptoms like restlessness and irritability when you’re not online looking at porn, it could be time to do something about it. To help you take action and really do something about this, let's define what an addiction really is and reveal the top 10 signs that you have an addiction to porn.
In this episode, you will learn about The Top 10 Signs You May Be Addicted to Porn:
An addiction to porn has 3 characteristics (and this goes for any addiction)
- You have tried to quit porn but can't seem to give it up
- You know the negative consequences of your porn addiction on yourself and others, but continue to consume and abuse it
- You have adjusted your lifestyle to make time and space to watch porn
Listen to this podcast or read our blog to learn about The Top 10 Signs You May Have an Addiction to Porn
Website: Secret Habit
We recently launched Free Online Community For Men: You Can Join here
What are the benefits when you quit porn?
When you’re addicted to porn, it can be easy to overlook the negative impact that it’s having on your life. As you quit porn, however, you’ll start to notice just how many benefits quitting porn has brought into your life, from better relationships to more money in the bank and even a higher level of satisfaction with your sex life and more self-confidence around members of the opposite sex.
Because there are so many benefits when you quit porn, we believe that it is paramount for you to shift your mind to these very things. It's these benefits that will motivate and inspire when the going gets tough. Having a vision of the goodness available when you stop watching porn is one of the best ways to get fully committed to the recovery process. However, we also know it's important to share both sides - The negative and the positive outcomes. That way you will be able to have a point A and a point B in mind. With that in mind, here are 8 benefits of quitting porn that you may have never considered before.
In this episode, you will learn more about 8 Benefits of Quitting Porn:
1) Greater intimacy
2) Self-confidence
3) Increased energy
4) Better concentration
5) Improved mood
6) Living in the present
7) Better relationships
8) Gaining respect from others
Website: Secret Habit
Read our recent Blog about: 8 Benefits Of Quitting Porn (you can find the tips on what we talked about in this podcast)
If you want to get in touch about what you are going through you can chat with Shawn here
When you’re trying to break free from porn and the shame that goes with it, having an accountability partner can make all the difference in your success or failure. Your partner doesn’t need to be your pastor or someone in your church, but if you can find one there, that’s great! But you can also go online and find a community of people who are going through the same thing as you. And really, these are your friends, so make sure you choose people who will care about your struggles and not hold them against you.
In this episode, you will learn more about:
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The Benefits Of An Accountability Partner For Pornography Addiction
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How To Ask For An Accountability Partner For Pornography Addiction
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How To Choose An Accountability Partner For Pornography Addiction
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Is My Family Member A Good Choice As An Accountability Partner For Pornography Addiction?
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What To Do When You've Made Progress And Become Accountable By Yourself
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How To Tell If An Accountability Partner Is Lying To You Or Dishonest About Their Sexual History And Current Behaviours
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Website: Secret Habit
Read our recent Blog about: What are Christian accountability partners for porn recovery? (you can find the tips on what we talked about in this podcast)
If you want to get in touch about what you are going through you can chat with Shawn here
If you’re addicted to masturbation and/or pornography, then you may not be able to enjoy sex with your partner like you used to before you became addicted. Perhaps your sex drive isn’t very strong and you can’t get an erection, or maybe your preoccupation with porn and masturbating has led to trouble in other areas of your life, including your relationship with your wife. But what exactly happens in the brain when you become addicted to porn? How do you know if porn addiction has affected your brain chemistry? And how can that change be dealt with?
In this episode, you will learn more about:
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How addiction to porn destroys your sexual health from a mind/body perspective:
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How We Got Here
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Why is it important to understand God's design for sexuality in relation to addiction to porn
For the women who want further help: Betrayal Trauma Online Course
Here is a blog post about: How Porn Destroys Sexual Health
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If you want to get in touch and learn more about our programs/services, you can chat with Shawn here
The dreaded and tragic moment so many couples face... Being caught watching porn, finding porn on their phone and/or other sudden ways that the secret comes out are devastating to both parties... With stats showing us that upwards of 70% of Christian men, 25% of Christian women and 56% of pastors watch porn regularly, we must realize that getting caught with porn is a normal and traumatic event that is happening all too often these days...
The sad part about all of this is that it hurts both parties deeply... The man faces an immense shame of being seen in his failure to do "right" and the woman faces immense shame wondering what she did "wrong". The man faces the reality that his protective layer is gone, he can no longer hide and the depth of his struggle is now known. The woman faces the reality that she doesn't know who she married, her trust is destroyed and she loses any safety she thought she had.
Shawn and Helena share in this episode from their hearts because they have experienced this horrific experience... Shawn was lying and hiding porn from Helena for over a year. When he was finally found out and the truth came out, he was left to find answers to his problems. For Helena, she was rocked by the news, hurt and betrayed. This caused the first 9 months of their marriage to be an uphill battle that they don't want to see couples have to go through!
In this episode, you will learn more about:
-What happens to the man and the woman when this devastation occurs
-What it means to grieve the pain of finding out about your partner's porn addiction
-Letting Jesus into the pain
-Breaking down shame with 5 expert tips + The opportunity to get hands-on coaching from Shawn
-The results of quitting porn, healing the relationship and coming out of the darkness
For the women who want further help:
Episode 34 of the Secret Habit podcast on "setting boundaries"
Episode 10 of the Secret Habit podcast on "betrayal trauma"
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If you want to get in touch and learn more about our programs/services, you can chat with Shawn here
Faulty Core Beliefs are like the roots of a tree that produces rotten fruit... The roots dictate the quality of fruit. Sadly, our belief system is developed in our formative years of life, meaning, when we're young... yet, they have a lifelong impact that can keep us in bondage.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena dig into what core beliefs are, why they matter and what we can do to make them new. This is all built on the fact that in Jesus we are all given the power to be renewed, redeemed and transformed! We believe His power is our only hope when it comes to the deep seeded roots that need His healing touch.
In this jam-packed episode, get ready to learn all about:
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The difference between thoughts and beliefs
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The difference between shame and guilt
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The most common faulty core beliefs we hear from the clients we work with
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How to define the lies, beliefs and influences in your life
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The 6 step prayer to help you pinpoint, uproot and renew your belief system
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Agreeing with truth on a regular basis
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How this all ties into porn addiction, unwanted sexual behaviours and betrayal trauma
If you want to connect and learn more about our coaching, send us a message, we would love to hear from you
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Credit to "Restoring The Foundations" ministry for their work on ungodly core beliefs
"The quality of your foundation will dictate the quality of your recovery". Because we believe this to be true, we are passionate to help men and women build their recovery foundation on the love and truth of Jesus Christ. It is in Him that we can experience what we long for - unconditional love that sees us, hears us and knows us, no matter what we do or do not do!
In this episode, Shawn and Helena unpack the content found in module 4 of the Secret Habit Recovery Accelerator - "Biblical Foundations".
Topics we will discuss:
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The 4 Principles of The Gospel
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Spiritual Health
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Confession and Repentance
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Spiritual Warfare
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Partnering the Bible + Psychology
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Posturing our hearts to Gods truth
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Healthy discipline driven by love
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Developing a relationship with God
We really want men and women to experience the love of God in all areas of their lives. We are all sexually broken and we all need the unconditional love of the Father to help us in our weakest times. It is only through Christ that we can dismantle lies, surrender our lives and receive THE truth. Because God wants your belovedness to change the way you live, not for you to change the way you live to receive your belovedness! We have seen it SO many times - Gods love transforming men and women. When we start receiving His love and put an end to the constant condemnation, we get out of isolation and get into relationship. And its in relationship that we can thrive - with God, with our spouse, with others. We all need safe and loving connection, and it al starts with God.
All of this is foundational to not only quitting porn or overcoming unwanted sexual behaviours, but it is fundamental to your thriving as a child of God... This is where we believe men and women experience freedom from addition, but even better, they experience freedom for a greater purpose!
There seems to be an ever-growing problem in the church where men and women are not getting the help that they need... Whether its help for porn addiction, betrayal trauma, or other sexual struggles, the lack of help is tragic.
We have seen stats showing us show us that roughly 70% of men, 56% of pastors and 15% of women watch porn regularly and see it as a struggle in their lives. These are huge numbers! They show us that there is a huge problem not being dealt with and that the help being offered is either non-existent or unhelpful! The reality is, in North America, only 7% of churches offer a recovery program to help with porn addiction... This means that there is silence and lack in an area with such a high number of sufferers. This then robs the church of vulnerability and safety which are 2 elements that are vital to overcoming addiction
We share all of this because we want to help fill the gap! We see the gifts God has blessed everyone with - Pastors are teachers and shepherds of the word and for us, we are gifted in teaching and coaching on the topic of sexual addiction and freedom from pornography. Its not wise for us to ask someone who is gifted in one area to try and help in an area of weakness... it just doesn't make sense! This is why we want to help churches utilize systems like Secret Habit... so they can focus on their gifts and we can focus on ours. (See 1 Corinthians 12 to see how this is to be lived out)
This is how the church becomes healthy... this is how the church becomes a hospital... this is how pastors thrive in their giftings... this is how church members feel seen, heard and connected!
Part of the issue with all of this is that the church has been indoctrinated by the "purity culture" movement... A focus on avoidance, prohibition and annihilation has become the norm for pastors and how they educate on dealing with sin. This does not work!! Clearly, by the stats and the health of our church, we need to take a different approach
In this episode, we unpack all of this with a posture to help the church, fill the gaps and ensure the flock is healthy and cared for.
* Secret Habit Pornography Recovery Accelerator: The All in One porn recovery system for Christian men who want to find lasting freedom from porn**
People/Authors mentioned in this episode:
Jay Stringer: Unwanted
Julie Slattery: Authentic Intimacy and Sexual Discipleship
Sheila Gregoire: The Great Sex Rescue
We get this question all the time! What's the difference between coaches, counsellors, therapists and pastoral support?
We believe there are definitely some differences, but even more importantly, we want to share about the gaps that we see in the most recommended sources of help.
We have had way too many people tell us that therapy made things worse for them or that their counsellor didn't understand their struggle with porn or betray trauma. This is tragic! We are not claiming to know everything here, but we sure do believe that an addiction to porn or a struggle with betrayal trauma requires focused help and support... and we want to help you understand what to look for if you're searching for someone to help you in your struggle.
In this episode, you will learn about:
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The differences between general and focused support
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coaching in comparison to therapy
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Common educational gaps we see in therapy when it comes to sexual addiction
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why we believe general therapy misses the mark in this specific struggle
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the truth about many professionals own struggle with pornography
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harmful resources that have been educating our professionals on lust management and purity culture
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how you can make the best choice for your specific situation
We are all for you getting the BEST help for your struggle. We hope our insight can help steer towards making the right choice
We are both coaches and have a deep passion for the arena of coaching. This does not mean that we don't love therapists too! We are all for them and respect them greatly. However, we believe focused therapy is best when dealing with an addiction to porn, betrayal trauma or other unwanted sexual behaviours.
* Secret Habit Pornography Recovery Accelerator: The All in One program for Christian men who want to find lasting freedom from porn**
Mentions in this episode:
Jay Stringer - Unwanted (Book)
Adam Young - the place we find ourselves (podcast)
Mental Toughness is essential when you're in recovery for porn addiction. However, there is a secret weapon that runs behind the scenes that MUST partner with it... This secret weapon is compassion.
Compassion is driven by love, and in Christ, we know that love covers a multitude of sins and draws us to make major changes in our lives. This must be the foundation of our mental toughness if we want to work in a way that actually produces fruit. However, compassion on its own can easily become enabling... and when this happens, the standard is often lowered... "Enabling happens when we use our challenges as an excuse to let go of the standard".
Mental Toughness on the other hand, is all about having a standard, working to hit your goals and persevering when the going gets tough. However, when mental toughness happens without compassion, it can be driven by proving, white-knuckling and become nothing more than behaviour modification. When this happens we rely more on our works than the inside-out change that produces the fruit we need to truly quit porn.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena share how you can begin to partner compassion and mental toughness in your recovery, why one without the other doesn't work and what you can begin doing to enhance your recovery with this powerful combo! They talk about creating rhythms in your life, knowing your story, and following values that keep you on track
We really want this concept to be an example of what it looks like to combine grace + truth. The sort of example we see in our saviour Jesus Christ. The power of love and strength together creates results that are unimaginable... may you experience them as we have in our own lives.
- Secret Habit Pornography Recovery Accelerator: The All in One program for Christian men who want to find lasting freedom from porn
Boundaries are a vital part of a healthy relationship. Sadly, they're often confusing and misunderstood... Causing a lot of heartache and distress. In this episode, Helena and Shawn offer a rich teaching to educate you on how to set, prepare and share your boundaries in a way that actually helps your situation!
This is for everyone to learn... For the women going through betrayal trauma... even for the man addicted to porn. We all need to learn to set and hold boundaries in a way that is helpful to the relationship.
Shawn gets the question literally weekly - "How do I tell my wife about my re-lapse? When do I tell her about it? and What should I tell her?" This episode will surely answer your question!
Helena's reading and teachings are from her video on setting boundaries and the 24-hour policy in her Beneath The Skin Betrayal Trauma Recovery program. She also shares an incredible story of when she set a boundary that altered the very fabric of her life... the vision she casted and the boundary she set that actually propelled Shawn to quitting porn! You don't want to miss this amazing story.
Here is what we cover in the episode:
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What boundaries ARE: Defining limits, creating healthy responses to actions/decisions/violations, adding layers of protection from repeated harm, rebuilding trust, and benefiting both parties.
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What boundaries ARE NOT: Punishment, coercion, avoidance of pain, emotional disconnection
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How to set personal boundaries and relational boundaries
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Enforcing Negative and Positive "Natural" Consequences
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5 steps to setting, preparing, sharing and enforcing your boundaries
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The 24 hour "Tell Policy"
Resources Mentioned in the episode:
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Secret Habit Pornography Recovery Accelerator: The All in One program for Christian men who want to find lasting freedom from porn
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Beneath The Skin: Betrayal Trauma Video Program
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5 Years FREE FROM PORN post on Instagram
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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life: by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection". This powerful quote brings us to our topic today, where I am discussing what it looks like to do accountability in a way that is truly helpful to your recovery from porn addiction or other unwanted sexual behaviours. So many times, I see people with good intentions get themselves into accountability groups or relationships that are just not helpful...
I want to shake things up today and help you see why partnering safety + discomfort is the best way to do accountability. Safety is crucial to recovery, that's a given! You must feel safe with a few key people in your life you can go to them with your struggles, temptations, relapses, etc. The kicker here is that these people should also create an environment for you that is uncomfortable... Not that they aren't loving, encouraging, and gracious, but they must also be challenging and direct for you to actually grow and change your ways.
Safety = being seen and loved no matter what: They will be there for you as if they were Jesus with skin on
Discomfort = Creating a growth environment: They will call out your blind spots, hold you accountable and keep a standard
We all have many relationships in our lives. Its good to have a variety of them too! We all need to have friends who we play sports with, co workers who we gel with, family members who we can just vent to... But in all of this, we must have allies, friends, mentors, and coaches who are willing to be the helping hands to our growth week in and week out.
It will be your job to invite these people into your story... It's your job to seek out people who are safe and ask them to walk with you, to help you, to guide you. Its your job to let go of assumptions, lies and shame so you can see clearly and realize you 100% have a handful of people if your life you could have a safe + growth-focused relationship with.
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If you want to Accelerate your recovery from porn with an "all-in-one" proven program, then join the Secret Habit Recovery Accelerator. With expert guidance, a proven roadmap and like-minded community, you will have everything required to experience lasting freedom. Sign up by Aug 23rd and get the special "pre-launch founders" price
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Resource mentioned:
Family Life Canada Marriage Mentoring Program
Confession and Repentance are often seen as "dirty" words. As in, "If I have to confess and repent, I must be a real failure"... or "I only need to do it when I make a really bad mistake". I hear this all the time... Christians struggling with the concept of when to do it, how to do it and even, why to do it? That's why we want to dig into this topic today and help you see just how beautiful and just how routine confession and repentance are supposed to be in a Christians daily life.
Looking at scripture, we see that the Lord is so gracious when we come to Him humbly with our sin. This is groundbreaking!! The reality is, we all sin all the time... This may be a thought, a decision, a word spoken or an action... we can sin in so many ways. God is all about redemption, and in your sin, He wants to restore you through His love, but how can this happen if you do not practice confession and repentance? That's the big question!
In this episode, we dive into a few practical steps to help you begin practicing this wonderful discipline that we see as an opportunity and invitation from God to experience His deep love.
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How to REVEAL your sin by confessing it
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How to SEAL your sin by repenting of it
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How to confess and repent
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Who to confess and repent to
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When to confess and repent
We want to help you experience Gods love! He is not in the business of shame and he's most definitely not in the business of you working for His love.
Romans 2:4 says that its the love of God that draws us to repentance.
James 5:16 says to confess your sin to one another and pray for one another so that you may be (spiritually) healed
Its amazing how we can draw so much from these 2 scriptures:
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Gods loves us in our worst and wants us to come to him
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Gods love is supposed to change the way we live (Not our good intentions)
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We are to confess our sins to God and to another person
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We are to pray over our sins with another person so we can be spiritually healed
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If you want to Accelerate your recovery from porn with an "all-in-one" proven program, then join the Secret Habit Recovery Accelerator. With expert guidance, a proven roadmap and like-minded community, you will have everything required to experience lasting freedom. Sign up by Aug 23rd and get the special "pre-launch founders" price
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Resources mentioned:
Grace Based Recovery by Jonathan Daugherty
Restoring The Foundation Ministry
Statistics are showing that there is a 47 point orgasm gap between men and women... which means that 48% of women do not orgasm at the same rate as a man does (95%). Even further, stats show that between 10% and 25% of sexually active women have never orgasmed! Sadly, this is creating major voids in sexual satisfaction and takes a toll on so many relationships.
The influence of porn has much to do with the problems we're seeing today. Porn offers poor "sex education" and teaches men that sex is a "one size fits all" and that faster and harder are better... It teaches men that orgasm is inevitable, rather than something you need to work towards together. For women, they're actually expected to like "pornified sex" and simply deal with the fact that their husband doesn't actually know how to pleasure them correctly. On an even deeper level, porn and also masturbation cause problems on a brain level that often go unnoticed: Desensitization and tolerance are 2 issues of chemical imbalance that are causing men and women to struggle to experience pleasure and ultimately, reach climax/orgasm.
Because of what we have experienced, we want to share the hope that is available to you... that you can reclaim a beautiful and satisfying sex life that is selfless, serving and consistent in orgasm! To do this, we want to talk further about
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Exploring the biology of the body, the vagina and the clitoris
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Shifting our thoughts and mindset towards sex
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Blessing our bodies
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Being vulnerable with one another with love
If you want to Accelerate your recovery from porn with an "all-in-one" proven program, then join the Secret Habit Recovery Accelerator. With expert guidance, a proven roadmap and like-minded community, you will have everything required to experience lasting freedom. Sign up by Aug 23rd and get the special "pre-launch founders" price
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Book Mentioned: The Grea Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
When life throws us a curveball, how do we handle it? Do we fall into entitlement, selfishness and anger, or do we move through it with openness, humility and trust? these times challenge the best of us and today, we want to unpack what we often see happen in relationships that go through sickness or injury together.
Because marriage is about loving in sickness and in health, we want to help you navigate these tough times with the right heart and mind so your marriage can thrive through the ups and downs. We believe this is critical to a thriving life of intimacy and sex in your marriage.
Shawn and Helena are walking through a season where this tension is part of their day-to-day life and they want to share some of the things they have found and learned as they navigate the challenges together.
The purpose of this episode is to open up space for a conversation. We want you to begin moving together in these seasons rather than growing apart. We know how easy it is to move apart, play the victim and fall into the blame game so we want to offer some really basic insights to help you out:
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Learn how to shift your mindset toward humility and trust
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Begin living with a "seasons" attitude and outlook
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Change what you allow to grow in your life through fixation
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Become obedient to God and His mysterious plans through surrender
Check out Episode 21 to learn more about "shame language" and Episode 11 to learn about the Sexual Template
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If you want to Accelerate your recovery from porn with an "all-in-one" proven program, then join the Secret Habit Recovery Accelerator. With expert guidance, a proven roadmap and like-minded community, you will have everything required to experience lasting freedom. Sign up by Aug 23rd and get the special "pre-launch founders" price
Inspired by a recent situation in their own lives, Shawn and Helena share openly about how respect and trust are crucial to gain and nurture, but so easily lost and broken.
We believe that trust is earned and developed through following through, taking ownership and living authentically. We break down these 3 concepts in this podcast one by one to help you get on the right track.
Learn what it means to be integrous - doing what you said you would do; learn how to truly commit to something that matters; learn what it means to grow in self-awareness; learn how to handle conflict and confront your spouse when things are not right; learn to become completely honest and open; and learn how to become consistent living one day at a time
We end on the note of talking about Proverbs 9:10, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" and how we're to fear God in a way that leads us to healthy decisions and follow through
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If you want to Accelerate your recovery from porn with an "all-in-one" proven program, then join the Secret Habit Recovery Accelerator.With expert guidance, a proven roadmap and like-minded community, you will have everything required to experience lasting freedom. Sign up by Aug 23rd and get the special "pre-launch founders" price
Intimacy and sex both take 2 things: energy and time... These are 2 things too many couples do not have enough of. But here's the thing, It's not that you don't have time or energy, it's more likely that you aren't using your time and energy to your advantage. Today, we want to help you with 3 simple tips to prioritize your sex life.
Shawn and Helena share openly and honestly about what they have learned over their 5 years of marriage and 3 years of coaching other men and women. These tips are simple and easy to apply if you want the outcome bad enough... how bad do you want a thriving and healthy sex life? How bad do you want to feel connected to your spouse? These questions matter so much and we hope to help you with them.
Learn how to say no and make "couple time", how to serve your spouses "best" and what it means to create space for intimacy, not just sex.
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You can grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today and better understand how you can apply this practice through the 3 free worksheets offered when you sign up! Don't delay, get your free copy now.
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Book Mention: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Porn is a woman's problem too... We have seen stats ranging between 30 and 40% of women watch porn regularly... If you're stuck in the cycle of watching porn as a woman, we want you to know that you're not alone.
In this episode, Helena shares why women watch porn, what porn teaches women, and how all women have a sexual story that needs attention. We hope this raw conversation from a women who has her own story of sexual brokenness and porn addiction inspires and helps you
We are huge advocates of helping men and women overcome and quit porn so they can experience sexual integrity. We believe this is done through a structured healing process and we share a few key elements of our approach near the end of the episode.
When you can kick porn to the curb
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You can grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today and better understand how you can apply this practice through the 3 free worksheets offered when you sign up! Don't delay, get your free copy now.
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Resources mentioned:
Joy Skarka
Sexual Discipleship
Authentic intimacy
Julie Slattery
Sex is supposed to be fun, exciting, beautiful and energizing. However, for so many, it's not... This was our story. Shawn was stuck feeling a dread towards sex due to fears and expectations that hindered his ability to flourish sexually.
Sadly, things like porn addiction, fear of failure, sexpectations, boredom and feeling used are often at the top of most couples issues list when it comes to their sex life. These are all sure ways to put a damper on any fire you wish you had in the bedroom.
In this episode, we want to dig into the idea that sex was made by God, and because of this, it was made GOOD. We believe that you can redevelop a sex life that is thriving, fun and exciting and we want to help you with that. We have seen so much fruit in our own lives so we will be speaking from experience - the good, the bad and the ugly!
We find it so fun to inspire other couples to find a purpose for their sex life, to become learners of one another and to cast a vision of what you want your relationship to look like years down the road. These are some things we will get into and help you see that having more fun with your sex life is all about getting deeply connected on the things that matter between the two of you.
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You can grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today and better understand how you can apply this practice through the 3 free worksheets offered when you sign up! Don't delay, get your free copy now.
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Grab a copy of our video course on creating your very own sexual template here
The role of the Father is crucial in a child's sexual and non-sexual development. With so many children going without a male example to glean from, we desperately need an uprising of sexually healthy men who father with integrity. Unfortunately, when fathers abuse their roles and consume pornography in secret, it robs them of being men who can truly lead their kids with authenticity, sensitivity and intimacy.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena are reflecting on their own lives as parents and sharing further about something beautiful that happened on Father's day. "I am so glad you're free from pornography because I don't know if I would be able to trust you with Violet if you weren't" were the words Helena said, and it's from these words, we wanted to share our hearts for this topic.
We want this conversation to inspire and challenge you to become all that God made you to be - as a man, husband, father and beloved son. This is what will be imparted to your kids more than you even know.
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You can also grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today and better understand how you can apply this practice through the 3 free worksheets offered when you sign up! Don't delay, get your free copy now.
Podcast mentioned:
Adam Young and The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast (Episode 2 is mentioned)
Erectile Dysfunction hinders 1 in 3 men under the age of 40... This stat means that marriages are struggling to thrive the way God intended them to thrive. Sadly, when (porn-induced or psychological impotence) Erectile Dysfunction is in a marriage it also affects the wife and causes many layers of pain.
In this episode, you will hear from Shawn and Helena about their own journey of overcoming erectile dysfunction... Shawn struggled with PIED and ED and is now a huge advocate for helping men experience confidence in their erections and sexual abilities. Helena has a story of experiencing the pain of being with someone who cannot seem to get erect... A situation like this brings its own struggles for women so we wanted to ensure we dug deeper into this as well.
Get ready to learn about how the brain and the mind play a major role in those who struggle with Erectile Dysfunction; How fear and shame cripple men and keep them from sexual confidence; and what it means to experience inside-out healing and truly experience GREAT SEX again.
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Grab a copy of our video course on creating your very own sexual template here
Check out Episode 11 for more info on the sexual template & Episode 22 for more info on the brain and how porn-induced erectile dysfunction can happen.
You can also grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today and better understand how you can apply this practice through the 3 free worksheets offered when you sign up! Don't delay, get your free copy now.
Curiosity is not something we often hear about during recovery discussions... However, we believe its one of the essential steps to holistic health for you as an individual and in your marriage.
In this episode, Shawn and Helena unpack the problems that arise when we don't offer curiosity, the steps you can take right now to become curious and some insight into what successful communication can look like when curiosity is at the forefront.
Its surprising to hear, but curiosity will help you understand why you get triggered, why certain things tempt you, why you watch certain types of porn and so much more - imagine being able to crush shame through something as simple as curiosity... amazing right!?
We have personally used curiosity as a superpower to help us with quitting porn, overcoming masturbation, healing erectile dysfunction, creating our sexual template, moving through conflict and growing as men and women of God. It truly is a superpower!
As we unpack this topic, we also leave you with some great reflection questions and some takeaways so you can begin this journey of becoming curious.
You can also grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today and better understand how you can apply this practice through the 3 free worksheets offered when you sign up! Dont delay, get your free copy now.
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Book mentioned in this episode:
Unwanted by Jay Stringer
Internet porn is a powerful force in this day and age... Exposure to porn is on average between ages 8 and 11 and the hook is almost unavoidable to those who see it so young. This is substantial because we see porn stunting the natural development of the brain, offering it unrealistic doses of dopamine and ultimately, causing dysfunction that looks very similar to a brain affected by heavy drugs.
In this episode, we spend some time speaking into an email we received this last week that reads:
"He was messaging with women and sending them pictures and videos and made secret accounts to exchange inappropriate messages including pictures and videos. To me, that’s more than a porn addiction but I keep hearing and reading that it’s not more it’s just what it escalated to. No matter how hard I have tried, I cannot figure out how or why that would be considered part of the addiction. I feel like the extent of addictions in general really isn’t spoken about. It’s generalized to a porn addiction, but not explained thoroughly to people how/why it goes beyond viewing porn. I know an addict always seeks more, but to me that’s just blatant cheating. Porn can be a question to if it is or not but anything beyond viewing is without a doubt being unfaithful to me"
We are going to focus on a few key topics and themes to help bring some context to this question/concern:
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Is watching porn considered cheating?
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What's the difference between porn addiction and sex addiction?
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Why do people go beyond viewing porn?
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How does watching porn atrophy the brain?
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The brain, the mind, and the emotional baggage
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How we can take total ownership and inspire change
Because we have gone through a similar situation ourselves where Shawn was cheating via porn, masturbation, and messaging random girls, we wanted to speak as people who don't just know the theory here but as people who can relate to the sender of this question/concern
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Grab your free copy of our coaching video "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn" today
Shame is all about "I am statements" that go against God's truth and love. Shame is to go-to in the enemy's playbook and it speaks directly to your identity... Shame tells you that you're dumb; replaceable; ugly; a failure; damaged; worthless and whatever other lies the enemy wants you to believe that are painful and destructive.
Grab your free copy of "The Essential Step To Quitting Porn": High-level Coaching + 3 PDF Worksheets to help you apply the tools today!
In this episode, Shawn and Helena unpack the concept of shame language/ shame projection and dig into the topics of sexual shame and shame identity. With their own experiences of living deep in the throws of the enemy's lies, they know exactly how it feels to be stuck. However, they also know what it feels like to feel free from the lies and live in the truth of Jesus Christ, and they want to share about the transformation available to the identity of those who believe in His word.
Because shame is at the root of addiction, we need to get deep into our belief system and begin to name the lies we have believed for far too long. It's these lies that keep people trapped in porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, the PMO cycle, sexual addiction, erectile dysfunction, and so many other sexual struggles that bring on sexual shame.
We dig into 3 incredible tools to help you begin breaking the lies so you leave this episode with insight, hope, and applicable tools to combat satan and his lies!
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3 key scriptures to hold onto when shame knocks on your door:
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John 15: Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
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1 John 4:18: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment
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Romans 8: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
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Secret Habit Episodes mentioned for further help:
Ep 11: Sexual Template (Buy the Mini-Course Here)
Ep: 20: Body Shame
We all have sexual body parts, but we all have nonsexual body parts too... Everything that makes up our body plays a major role in how we see ourselves in light of our sexuality, worth, value, and beauty. Body shame is so much more about your identity, mindset, and heart than anything else, and we want to unpack that in this episode.
We are Shawn and Helena, and we have both struggled with porn addiction, compulsive masturbation, and body image. This led to bigger issues such as sexual abuse, toxic relationships, self-hatred and objectification of self and others. Because of our own story of struggle and healing, we want to shed light on the things that are dear to our hearts.
The idea of body shame can feel heavy... maybe the words body hatred, body objectification, or poor self-image resonate with you more? Either way, they all say something deep about the way we see ourselves and how we see others. When we look at ourselves and say "im flawed" or "im ugly", we believe this has an influence on every area of your life... and in this, your sexuality cannot thrive, your relationships cannot prosper and your faith in God will wither.
Our goal for this episode is to bring language to something you may be experiencing, to share a story of hope and to offer very practical steps to help you begin paying attention to whats going on in your mind.
Because we serve a God who offers love to draw us to him, we can rest in the idea that its love, and love alone that will help us make these major changes in how we see ourselves and others. When one heals from body shame, it's amazing how issues such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, performance anxiety and low sex drive seem to diminish! We want this for you so bad!!
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We mention internal family systems in this episode... the book we recommend is "All together you" by Jenna Riemersma
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Check out our free coaching video to help you implement some of the tips in this episode and begin developing the super power of self-awareness
There's nothing worse than the feelings that lurk when these big questions are running through your head...
For the one addicted to porn: How do I tell her I struggle with porn? When to tell her? How to tell her? Maybe even Why should I tell her?
For the one suspecting their partner is using porn (often betrayal trauma): How do I confront his porn use? What if there's more going on than I can handle? Dont all men watch porn? And many more...
In this episode, we unpack things situation by situation for those dating, engaged, married, and even single.
Total honesty is a relationship, no matter if you're dating, engaged or married, MUST be #1. The other person deserves to know the truth before committing to you, the relationship, and a future hurt that they don't even know about. The reality is, there's this myth that marriage and sex will fix a porn addiction... but this is NOT true... That's why being honest and real is crucial. We have seen far too many men bring porn into their marriages and far too many women heartbroken and hopeless because of it.
So often the men and women we talk to know a full sexual disclosure is necessary but are wondering how to do it, when, and why. This is why we want to cover this today... to bring help, guidance, and hope to an area that can feel so heavy. Our discussion will cover the differences between discovery, spewing, and disclosure so you can understand what is helpful and what is not.
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Please consider leaving a 5-star rating and a review if you found this episode helpful. We would love to hear from you! Your small effort helps SO many others hear the show and feel the hope that they need to feel as they walk through these tough situations
Rebuilding trust in relationships is not a simple thing to understand. Maybe you have tried different things and feel completely stuck? Hopeless? Burned out? We get it... we felt so lost and unsure of what actually helps when trust has been damaged, especially by porn addiction that has led to betrayal trauma.
In this episode, Shawn shares about this beautiful, practical, and helpful picture Helena gave him to better understand her trust... We see Jesus reference farming and gardening ALOT in His teachings and believe there is something special about this analogy Helena offers. The imagery Helena shares is something we call "The Garden" and we hope it impacts you as much as it has impacted us.
We see rebuilding trust in your marriage as an opportunity. One that calls the past addict to remorse, honesty, nurture, hard work, and a long term mindset, much like someone growing a garden
We reference the sexual template in this episode and want to encourage you to design your own "garden" as we call it here.
Listen to episode 11 - How to create a sexual template
Purchase the "sexual template" course
Please consider leaving a 5-star rating and a review. It helps ensure other people hear what you just heard and get the value you just received.
Knowing what NOT TO DO is only half the battle... Truly, you need to learn what TO DO to really progress in your recovery and freedom over porn addiction and betrayal trauma. When a couple in relationship goes through these 2 things at the same time, it can feel really hard... Triggers, dysregulation, and untamed emotions can certainly get the best of us. This is why we want to have this conversation... To bring clarity to what is helpful and help you understand what is unhelpful. When we begin to understand what we are moving away from and feel confident in what we are moving toward, we can begin to make strides in our recovery.
Because Shawn and Helena did all the DONTS in their own recovery and had to learn the hard way, they bring a fresh and fun tone to this episode that is all about what they learned along their journeys to sexual integrity and health. Shawn speaks to the men going through porn addiction and Helena speaks to the women who are experiencing betrayal trauma
Get ready for some practical, helpful, and real tips on how to get on the right track in your journey to freedom! We cant wait to hear how these help you and your spouse grow towards becoming sexually healthy together.
Link to Secret Habit services:
Betrayal Trauma Recovery Program
Porn Addiction Coaching
Mens Group Coaching
Books referenced:
Going Deeper by Eddie Capparucci
Unwanted by Jay Stringer
Intimate Deception by Sherri Keffer
Are you overwhelmed by recovery? Or are you underwhelmed and unsure of what to actually do? Sadly, these 2 realities are so common and they're so frustrating! In this episode, Shawn and Helena break down the difference between doing recovery and attending recovery, as well as how they are to partner together.
Too often, we see men and women attending groups and therapy with no real intention of doing the work... And then on the flip side, we see many men and women doing a ton of different things, with no community and no real guidance. Both of these lead to frustration and ultimately, a lack of results.
This is why we want to dig into the areas that we find many of our clients struggle with. We believe this conversation is foundational to you being able to overcome pornography addiction, recover from betrayal trauma, and have a healthy marriage the way God designed it to be.
- To learn more about Shawn's group coaching launching on May 7th, sign up for more info here
Topics of discussion:
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How to DO recovery and ATTEND recovery so that it works together
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Tips and ideas on how to get on the right track in your recovery
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Roadblocks and issues that cause one to avoid doing and gravitate towards attending
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The pain of change or the pain of regret
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Coaching options with Secret Habit to help you DO recovery well
Mentioned in this episode:
- Pure Desire 7 pillars of freedom
Do you ever wonder "Will this temptation ever go away?". Do you ever feel like you get triggered and set off by different things all day every day? Maybe you're not even fully aware of what they are. In this episode, Shawn and Helena help you understand the different types of triggers we all experience - emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual. They dive into sexual temptation and emotional temptation and offer practices that will help dissolve temptations power over you.
The goal of this episode is to help you feel empowered to make good choices. Choices of what you choose to think, believe and do. When we begin to master our own domain, we begin to feel a sense of confidence that propels us forward. There's nothing worse than feeling bogged down by triggers, temptation and the potential of relapse. This is why we feel this topic is so important! We want you to experience the freedom to live your day-to-day life because you understand your triggers and can work toward diminishing temptations hold on you.
The practices we share in this episode are focused on helping you become men and women of integrity... So you can quit porn, heal from betrayal trauma, overcome erectile dysfunction, develop a healthy marriage, excel in areas of life that seem stagnant, and ultimately, grow in your relationship with God.
Topics we discuss:
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Understanding triggers, temptation and relapse
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Inner Child Healing
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Fight, Flight, Freeze reactions
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Emotional and Sexual triggers
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Longings (See episode 14 for more details on understanding your longings and getting your true needs met.)
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4 practical steps to understanding your triggers and temptations
*FREE OFFER:
- To get your free "Trigger Template" worksheet - Sign up for our free coaching video here
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Mentions in this episode:
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Eddie Capparucci: Going Deeper Book
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Drew Boa: Husband Material
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Sathiya Sam: Unleash The Man Within Podcast
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Pure Desire: 7 Pillars Workbook "Arousal Template"
*Sorry for the poor mic quality in this eipsode! :(
Do you find yourself confused as to why you feel emotionally and sexually frustrated and unsatisfied? Do you seem to always regret the choices you make? Well, we understand that all too well and want to take some time to unpack what is at the core of your emotions, triggers and temptations. We want you to leave this episode understanding what you really need in times of temptation and also some practical steps on how to begin making great decisions in the heat of the moment.
In this episode, you will learn a critical recovery principle that offers you insight into what it takes to quit porn, heal betrayal trauma, overcome erectile dysfunction and recover from whatever else may be happening in your sexuality and relationship.
Discussion points:
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Emotions: what they tell us and what we can do with them
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David and the Psalms
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Core Longings and Needs
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Questions to ask in the heat of a temptation
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3 Practical steps to begin fulfilling your true longings and experiencing satisfaction
To learn more about Shawn's group coaching launching on May 7th, sign up for more info here
For great content, reels and updates, follow Shawn and Helena on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
We have all heard the successful tips and tricks around time management, but really, do they work? So often, men and women going through recovery have to face the reality that they don't know how to manage their time. And here's the kicker, we aren't talking about managing what you are doing day in and day out. We are talking about making a paradigm shift! In this episode, we will unpack what we believe true time management is, how to do it and why it connects to living out God's purpose for your life and His design for sexuality.
Get ready to learn from Shawn and Helena's ups and downs, experiences, and expertise on a topic that can change your life if you get it right. We want to talk about mentality, language, making time, surrender, redefining your capacity, and living in what is "God" rather than what is just "good". We hope this conversation helps you learn a new recovery principle that we believe is a catalyst to finding freedom from porn, healing betrayal trauma, and overcoming unwanted sexual behaviors.
John Mark Comer Resources (Our favorite influencer on slowing down)
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry Book
Practicing The Way Podcast
To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
Stats are showing that upwards of 70% of men, 40% of women, and 56% of pastors watch porn regularly. Even scarier, the average age of exposure to porn is between 8-11 and only 7% of Churches in North America are currently offering support for those who need help. The truth is, porn affects everyone and nearly everyone has been affected by porn in one way or another. With easy access, anonymity and free content at the touch of a button, we are seeing the porn industry in many ways take over the world. Because of our sexualized culture, what used to see as porn magazine-worthy is now what we find on everyday apps like Instagram or other social media platforms... Because of this, and so much more, we are really passionate to bring awareness and truth to this topic.
In this episode, we break down some major topics in and around pornography and porn addiction.
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What porn is
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How we got to where we're at today
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Objectification
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The problem of the brain
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Past influence, programming, and contributors
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Signs of porn addiction
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Practical and effective steps to recovery
The 3 Essential Steps To Quitting Porn:
*Becoming Curious
*Becoming Consistent
*Becoming Confident
-Grab the in-depth mini-course today and learn how to implement all 3
Books mentioned in this episode:
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Unwanted by Jay Stringer
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The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire
Sexless, sex starved and sex deprived marriages are becoming an epidemic that we can longer stand to hear about. We believe Christian marriages should be having the best sex, but sadly, this is not the case. Having a sexless marriage (or relationship) may be a sign of much deeper emotional and relational problems that can so easily go undetected. So with that, we want to take the time to unpack the ins and outs of what could be happening beneath the surface. In this jam-packed episode, Shawn and Helena put their focus on helping sexless marriages get on the right track. If you have struggled in your marriage up until now, we want you to know that you're not alone and that there is tremendous hope for the restoration of your sex life.
Topics covered in this episode:
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What is a sexless marriage and what may be causing the problem
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What brought us to making a sexual template
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How God intended sex to be good
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Unpacking the 6 steps to creating your very own sexual template
*Purchase the Sexual Template mini-course and create your very own! There's no better time to rediscover the joy of sex with each other than now.
- How porn addiction and betrayal trauma change the equation
Refer to Episode 6 for further insights on emotional and sexual intimacy
Helpful Scriptures to hold onto:
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AND THE MAN AND HIS WIFE WERE BOTH NAKED AND WERE NOT ASHAMED: GENESIS 2:25
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DRINK WATER FROM YOUR OWN WELL – SHARE YOUR LOVE ONLY WITH YOUR WIFE. WHY SPILL THE WATER OF YOUR SPRINGS IN THE STREETS, HAVING SEX WITH JUST ANYONE? YOU SHOULD RESERVE IT FOR YOURSELVES. NEVER SHARE IT WITH STRANGERS.: PROVERBS 5:15-17
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THE HUSBAND SHOULD FULFILL HIS WIFE’S SEXUAL NEEDS, AND THE WIFE SHOULD FULFILL HER HUSBAND’S NEEDS: 1 CORINTHIANS 7:3
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LET YOUR FOUNTAIN BE BLESSED, AND REJOICE IN THE WIFE OF YOUR YOUTH, A LOVELY DEER, A GRACEFUL DOE. LET HER BREASTS FILL YOU AT ALL TIMES WITH DELIGHT; BE INTOXICATED ALWAYS IN HER LOVE: PROVERBS 5:18-19
Mentioned in this Episode
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Family Life Canada: Neil and Sharol Josephson
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Greg Oliver: Awaken Ministries
We want to help women feel safe to give their pain a voice. Sadly, this opportunity is not easily found... Today, we unpack the topic of Betrayal Trauma - What it is, what it feels like, how it affects a woman's overall health, and some proven steps on getting treatment/healing. Helena experienced Betrayal Trauma when Shawn disclosed his porn addiction 3 months into their marriage. She realized she had been lied to and it lead to a loss of trust, safety, and security as a newlywed.
Women have been suffering in silence for too long. Too many women have been labeled as co-dependent and part of the problem... The pain this causes is tremendous... this is why we want to open up space to ensure whoever is listening feels loved, cared for, and safe.
May this episode bring you hope and encouragement as you look to heal from Betrayal Trauma.
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Topics covered in this episode:
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PTSD like symptoms
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Hyper Vigilance
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Common & Unhelpful Responses from a Betrayed Partner towards the addict
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Broken Trust
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Pain Cycle
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Women's health
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Psalms
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5 proven steps to betrayal trauma recovery
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Name/Resource Drops in Episode:
Kevin Skinner
Intimate Deception - Dr. Sheri Keffer
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Helenas Betrayal Trauma Recovery Online Program (Self Guided)
Sign up now
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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Is sexual compatibility a thing? Or is it just a myth? In this episode, Shawn and Helena offer insights into reframing the way we define the term sexual compatibility. Get ready for a real discussion about a very real topic that's hot and heavy these days!
Because so much baggage comes into a relationship, we want to take this conversation deeper than most go... Its time to dig in and learn what's beneath the surface and what really matters most. When things like pornography and sexual addiction are beneath the surface, even sexual abuse and shame, these topics become rather messy. We want to bring light to the topic from a perspective that offers what we believe to be the greatest unification possible, and that's really what it means to be in a relationship with another.
Some focus points we get deeper into today are:
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The dictionary definitions of compatibility vs. Kingdom definition
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The Cultural narrative vs. Christian narrative
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How we have been influenced by our past
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Asking deeper questions and becoming curious to find out what is true
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Check out Episode 3 and Episode 4 to hear Helena and Shawn's personal stories that tie into everything they're sharing here.
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Resources mentioned:
- Beneath The Skin: Betrayal Trauma Video Program - Helping women give their pain a voice
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Doug Carpenter - "Secret Shame" book
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Becoming Curious Coaching Video - Learn how to quit porn once and for all
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Erectile Dysfunction mini-course - Learn how to create a sexual template and rediscover the joy of sex with your partner
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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Do you sense that there's a lot more in store for you and your life? your sexuality? your purpose? Then tune in today and hear about MAJOR life transformation and how it took place in our lives as individuals and as a couple. Hear about how Shawn and Helena were stuck in sexual bondage, shame, and total brokenness... Struggling with pornography addiction, betrayal trauma, and sexual shame, they were not living in all that God had made them to be. Now, looking back, it's incredible how much had changed since finding freedom from porn, healing from betrayal trauma, and pursuing God as the only answer to true healing.
Focus points from our conversation today:
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Getting free from sexual bondage to be free for gods purpose
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Photos from 2016 and seeing the present transformation
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Renewing the mind and the 2-5 years timeline we often hear about
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Holistic healing - sexuality, health, body, mind, spirit, fertility, etc.
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Beneath The Skin: Betrayal Trauma Recovery Program
We want you to know that you have a story to tell, understand and heal.
- Check out Helena's story
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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Rules and roles from our childhood are major contributors that impact all areas of life... Good and bad, they affect us all. In this episode, Shawn and Helena will unpack some of the lessons they learned from the movie Encanto and how family rules and roles impact the way you live today. These findings may very well be one of the greatest "aha moments" for you to begin understanding why you are the way you are, and even more importantly, what you can do about becoming the healthiest version of yourself.
Because childhood trauma can be so deep and even shameful, we wanted to bring a different angle to this topic and hopefully open up the door to some helpful reflection on your end.
May you begin to see how your childhood has impacted the areas of your life you hold most dear - your faith in God, your marriage, your parenting, your work, etc.
We believe God has some wonderful truths about your rules and roles to live by, and we want you to leave feeling understood, encouraged, and empowered to take the next steps towards healing the deeper parts of your heart.
Thanks to our friend Drew Boa from Husband Material for his awesome write-up on Encanto and what each character can teach us about ourselves.
Questions we ask in the episode:
I wonder which of these roles might resonate with you?
What role(s) did you play in your family?
What burden or belief do you want to let go of?
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Download the free Rules/Roles/Lies/Truth worksheet
Resources Mentioned:
Restoring The Foundations
Rusty Rustenbach Iner Healing Prayer Book
To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
We are unpacking the often confusing differences between the 2 common types of intimacy. Of course, we will talk about sex too, but be aware, intimacy means so much more than sex. Get ready for a convo between Shawn and Helena as they share from their own stories, findings, victories, and client experiences.
This episode is all about breaking down the stereotypes... High libido and low libido, emotional nature vs. sexual nature, high sex drive and low sex drive, etc... We want to create an open space to courageously share what we have found, so you can realize that what you may be going through is NORMAL!
We want to dig into the beautiful idea of what it means to get our true longings met so you can experience fulfillment as an emotional and sexual being made in the image of God... This is what we see as the ultimate version of sexual health!
Tune in and learn some great tips that will certainly enhance your marriage, intimacy and sex life!
We spend a considerable amount of time unpacking the "sexual template" which we will unpack further in future episodes. To grab the mini-course and begin working on your very own sexual template, check out the course page here:
https://secrethabit.ca/overcoming-erectile-dysfunction-mini-course/
We mention a few people in this episode:
Gabor Mate: you can learn more about him here
Drew Boa and Husband Material: You can learn more about him here
To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
In this very real and open conversation, Shawn and Helena unpack the nature of sexual brokenness and sexual shame - what it is, how it plays out, and what we can do to better understand what it's telling us. They offer insights from working with men and women all over the world dealing with this topic. On the same note, they contrast how sexual brokenness/shame actually reveals the way to deeper healing and how it can be the catalyst to developing sexual integrity.
Because we so often hear the world and especially the church talking only about quitting porn, quitting masturbation, and focusing on avoiding the areas of our sexuality, this conversation about pursuing sexual integrity is rather refreshing. A life of greater purpose is something Shawn and Helena believe is foundational to true healing that lasts the tests of time.
May this be a help for you and your faith walk, as men and women who want to have a healthy marriage, thriving sex life, and experience purity in a way that is actually freeing and wholesome.
Listen in for 3 practical steps that offer you a great place to begin your journey from sexual brokenness to sexual integrity.
Books/People mentioned in this episode include:
Re-Thinking Sexuality by Dr. Julie Slattery
Unwanted by Jay Stringer
The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire
Grab Shawns free coaching video and get 3 bonus PDF worksheets: "The essential step to quitting porn"
Shawn has created 2 DIY mini-courses focused on helping you find lasting freedom from porn, as well as erectile dysfunction:
https://secrethabit.ca/quitting-porn-mini-course/
https://secrethabit.ca/overcoming-erectile-dysfunction-mini-course/
Helena has her new Betrayal Trauma Healing program up and we want you to know about it!
https://secrethabit.ca/betrayaltraumaonlinecourse/
To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
Shawn Bonneteau is the co-founder of Secret Habit Life Coaching and the co-host of the Secret Habit podcast. He is a Certified Coach with Husband Material and a Certified Mentor through Bravehearts and is on a mission to help Christian men experience sexual integrity. He is a firm believer that God's design for sexuality is better than we imagine and is on a mission to help men become sexually healthy and all they were created to be
In this episode, you will learn about Shawn's story - one of addiction to porn, sex, and masturbation, ultimately the pursuit of acceptance, or so he thought. He found all he was longing for in a place he never expected... and this fulfillment has been the foundation of the life he has today with his Helena. A life of sexual integrity, a marriage that is thriving, a family that is healthy, and a faith in Jesus Christ that is constantly growing deeper.
Shawn has a deep passion to help men not only quit pornography but to outgrow porn! This is done by helping them become men of character, faith, and integrity which leads to a life of holistic health... Ultimately it leads to a life where there is freedom from things like sexual addiction, shame, and dysfunction and it opens the door to a life of freedom for God's purpose and healthy relationships.
3 Focal Points From This Episode:
1 - What it means to actually surrender to God
2 - What it looks like to have a helpful community and a guide in recovery from porn
3 - What transformation of a trauma story through God looks like
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Shawn has recently released a free coaching video "The essential step to quitting porn". Grab yourself a copy and start 2022 off with a bang:
https://secrethabit.ca/the-essential-step/
To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
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Shout out to Pure Desire
Helena Bonneteau is the co-founder of Secret Habit Life Coaching and the co-host of the Secret Habit podcast. She is a Certified Coach through Husband Material and a Certified Mentor with Bravehearts and is on a mission to help Christian women give their pain a voice. She is a firm believer that Gods design for sexuality is better than we imagine and wants to help men and women experience all it has to offer.
In this episode, you will learn about Helena's story - one of addiction to pornography, navigating toxic relationships, an eating disorder, sexual abuse, betrayal trauma, and ultimately the pursuit of love, or so she thought. She found love in a place she never expected... and this love has been the foundation of the life she has today with Shawn. A life of sexual integrity, a marriage that is thriving, a family that is healthy, and a faith in Jesus Christ that is constantly growing deeper.
Helena has a deep passion to help Christian women give their pain a voice. She does this by helping them holistically heal from betrayal trauma and the sexual brokenness they have experienced in their lives. She is also an advocate for women's health in the areas of fertility, body image, and the body as a beautiful creation by God.
To learn more about Helena's work, and her newest program on Betrayal Trauma Recovery, check out
https://secrethabit.ca/betrayaltraumaonlinecourse
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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
We are Shawn & Helena Bonneteau and we are so pumped to share a snapshot of our story with you. We both come from very sexually broken pasts full of sexual abuse, pornography addiction, masturbation addiction, pre-marital sex, betrayal trauma, body objectification, and erectile dysfunction. Because we have gone through the school of hard knocks and experienced so much pain in our young lives, we truly know what it's like to be stuck in the darkness of sexual brokenness and shame.
In this episode, you will hear about this, however, you will also hear about the incredible healing in our lives, and this is really why we are here... to bring you hope, truth, and an example to relate to and glean from.
Shawn and Helena are both Certified Professional Mentors and Certified Coaches in the area of sexual addiction and recovery and have been able to coach and mentor people all over the world who want to quit porn, heal betrayal trauma and live in sexual purity.
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To learn more about Shawn and Helena Bonneteau and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
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Shoutout to Pure Desire mentioned in the show who have an awesome podcast!
May this introduction inspire you and get you fired up for what's in store. We are Shawn & Helena Bonneteau and we are so excited to bring you real, raw, and relatable stories, teachings, and insights all focused on understanding and experiencing Godly sexuality.
Join us on this journey as we share the motivation that drives the Secret Habit podcast... and a hint, it's all about you! Because we have gone through so much pain and suffering in our own personal and marital journeys to get to where we're at today, we want to offer you what we wish we had when we were really struggling with the harmful effects of porn. May this episode leave you feeling understood, encouraged, and hopeful that you are never alone. We believe God's design for sexuality offers the greatest satisfaction and we want you to let our failures be your success in finding this for yourself.
You can look forward to weekly episodes digging into topics that are really hard to talk about... we want you to leave each time feeling like sexual satisfaction in Christ is FOR YOU no matter where you're at right now.
We know what it's like to go through the wringer of porn addiction, masturbation, sexual addiction/dysfunction, betrayal trauma, and the shame it all brings... Because of this, we want to help you avoid the pits we fell into so you can experience sexuality as it was intended... TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND SATISFYING.
Stay tuned for future episodes that dive into how to quit porn, healing betrayal trauma, overcoming erectile dysfunction, Christian sex in marriage, and all other things that tie into becoming sexually healthy. We ultimately want you to experience sexual healing that leads to sexual integrity and wholeness in God.
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To learn more about Secret Habit Life Coaching and the work they do, follow them on Instagram:
@secrethabitlifecoaching
Or check out the Secret Habit website for free resources, testimonies, coaching, and programs:
Secrethabit.ca
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*There's a small edit error that was no longer reversible by the time we caught it. We are extending ourselves grace as we learn the ropes of podcasting/editing :)