Who's Calling Please?: Recent Episodes
Carl Edward Carzana
A short while ago, my wife Angela bought me a brand new 3310 which was incredibly difficult to use. Subsequently, I have managed to record 6 months worth of telephone conversations at considerable cost to myself. Furthermore, my entire electronic address book was wiped clean -causing no end of embarrassment when contacted by dear friends, as I am - regularly. I now find myself in an ongoing dispute with East Bagglage Telecom aka EBT. I have been advised to catalogue and archive evidence from said conversations. It is my hope that in publishing this evidence others may escape my fate.
Evidence log #8 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Jackie Lawn'
Sub Heading - Guinea Pig
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode) I'm contacted by the lovely, lovely Jackie. At this point, I don't care who knows it. Angela has left me and quite frankly, I just don't give a damn! I'm as light as feather. Jackie came into my life initially a little frosty, I'm sure she won't mind me saying. She had some concerns concerning our rather similar business models that were, at the time, concerning. However, that's all straightened out now and the way ahead is clear.
Total Cost of Call:
£127.80
The Love We Found:
Priceless
Minus the aforementioned £127.80
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #7 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Peter'
Sub Heading - Scat
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode) I'm contacted by Peter, my Accountant. Who is in all honesty a wonderful person but an Abysmal Accountant. I really don't believe his heart is in it and quite frankly he's an expense I could do without at the moment. I mean your accountant is supposed to save you time and money and honestly Peter is a drain on both. I mean, hey, look. I like the guy, but at the end of the day I need someone who will get results and to be frank I want to keep as much as possible out of the mitts of the government and in my pocket.
Total Cost of Call
£11.70 (this could be inaccurate as this figure was given to me by Peter)
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #3 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Susan Gomez'
Sub Heading - Mrs G's Gnocchi
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode) I'm contacted by Susan Gomez, a rather disgruntled Local Restauranteur who is not happy about a review left on a popular review site pertaining to her restaurant authored by an individual who may or may not have been myself. Whilst contacting an anonymous reviewer is extremely unorthodox and cannot be advised, it was none the less a pleasant conversation resulting in some much needed work for yours truly. Which is particularly reassuring in light of the expense I have suffered at the hands of EBT and indeed with the mounting legal cost I am currently incurring.
Total Cost of Call
£67.90
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #3 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Brandon England'.
Sub Heading - Boppit Xtreme 2
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode) I'm contacted by Brandon England, an English Toy-Maker and Designer from London, England. I'm thrilled to say that during the course of our conversation, Brandon makes mention of a dear, sweet friend of mine and my wife Angela's, Andy Golightly. Andy is a wonderful man who is as generous as he is humorous and let me just say that once Andy made me laugh so much I had to sit on a chair. He really is an incredible person, friend and human being. I feel honoured to know him and hope that one day I may achieve half the grace and dignity that he possesses. Brandon mentioned other things as well.
Total Cost of Call
£31.92
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #4 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Bill'.
Sub Heading - Breathe
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode) I'm contacted by Bill. I originally ran into Bill at a meeting in Carpenters Hill many years ago. I remember at the time I was actually looking for a different meeting and, incidentally, also a Budgens. I'd heard tell that they still stocked Cheesey Footballs. and Peanut Luncheon Meat. I did find the Budgens but regrettably, reports of their stock had been greatly exaggerated. 'Bill' is a wonderful, yet troubled man. He was looking for some help and guidance from me to aid him through his frustrations. However, like the Budgens, I had nothing for him.
Total Cost of Call
£24.92
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #3 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Meek Murray'.
Sub Heading - Egg
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode) I'm contacted by Meek Murray who seems to have gotten it into their heads that I owe them money which I'm not entirely sure is the case if I'm to be perfectly honest. I already have enough on my plate at the moment with the EBT debacle thank you very much. Never the less, it was lovely to catch up with them and learn more about their long career in the music bizz and settle our monetary disagreement with a joint venture.
Total Cost of Call:
£83.25
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #2 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Mary Carabiner'.
Sub Heading - Climbing Ready
In this Evi-sode (Evidence-Episode), I'm contacted by local Climbing Instructor Mary Carabiner as we discuss my future as a world-class climber and come up with pragmatic suggestions to counter the bullying I am facing currently at her weekly sessions from some of the more arrogant members of her studentship.
Total Cost of Call:
£29.78
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com
Evidence log #1 in the case of Carl Carzana vs EBT. Conversation with 'Kyle Buckley'.
Sub Heading - Yogurt
In this Evi-sode (Evidence - Episode) I'm contacted by my dear friend Kyle Buckley as he seeks to provide me with some comfort regarding matters pertaining to home life with Angela. We also reach a mutually beneficial arrangement regarding a surplus of dairy that I'm sure will no doubt see our friendship coagulate (much like the yoghurt now has).
Total Cost of Call:
£14.68
Evi-sode may contain expletives (foul language)
Music: La Pompe Du Trompe by Shane Ivers - https://www.silvermansound.com