True Victory: Recent Episodes
Carmen Joseph
OPINION Violent and aggressive acts toward women have become normalized in the mainstream porn industry. Why is this so appealing to the consumer? How much does shock and awe draw them in? It’s no secret that many co-dependent men have resentments toward women. They take rejection personally. They blame women for being a tease, playing hard to get, or “dressing too sexy.” They feel intimidated by confident, successful women. All of these ideas feed into an “Incel Mindset.” The more a man consumes porn, the more he will feel isolated, rejected, jealous, ashamed, and entitled. How much do these emotions keep an individual in a self destructive cycle?
OPINION The adult film industry is misogynistic to the core, but what about the other media we consume? Our culture is deeply impacted by the multiple forms of media, especially when it comes to gender roles and societal norms. This episode focuses on how cultural misogyny has impacted my personal upbringing; everything from teen movies and Rom-Coms to “the damsel in distress” and the “friend zone.”
OPINION It’s one thing for a commentator to critique a female led superhero streaming show. It’s another matter entirely when a commentator feels the need to compare the sexes to prove that women “have the better deal.” For women, is being cat called on the street really just a “mild annoyance?” No, they’re not just “unwanted compliments”, it’s called SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Additionally, women are more at risk of being sexually assaulted, more vulnerable to STDs, and more likely to be raising kids as a single parent. Do women truly “have the better deal?” To refer to these issues as “misfortunes” is textbook misogyny at its best.
Movies have the potential to shed a powerful light on social injustice, especially something as pervasive as child sex trafficking. What causes the demand for such a heinous crime? How do we fight it? Is it really about border control, political conspiracies, or organized crime? Will sting operations and incarcerations fix everything or is there something the everyday average citizen can do? Stop blaming the media for not “making you aware.” It all starts with taking ownership of our willful ignorance and indifference. Stop blaming the political party you don’t belong to. There are allies on BOTH sides. Oh yeah, and STOP WATCHING PORN. You’re feeding the demand by doing so. “Injustice ANYWHERE is a threat to justice EVERYWHERE.” -MLK
All of us are sinners, we ALL fall short. God (not our fellow man) is the author of our faith. Jesus said “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye?” Why is it so common for us Christians to judge so quickly? What about our OWN habits and behaviors? Do we recognize the injustices that we perpetuate in our culture? Who is primarily responsible for the abuse and the violence throughout the world?
The month of June often times becomes a month full of heated debates and polarizing arguments. What if our approach (as Christians) toward the LGBTQ community was led by compassion and gentleness instead of bigotry and mean-spiritedness? Is it possible to be inclusive toward someone even if you don’t agree with them or understand them? How would Jesus treat our LGBTQ brothers and sisters?
What does it mean to FORGIVE? Does it mean I have to trust? Why do we as MEN associate it with weakness and being soft? Doesn’t that just make me a doormat? Why does REVENGE sound so much more satisfying?
Why do I share? Why do I have a podcast? It started as an effort to share my recovery journey and give hope to those affected by porn addiction. The True Victory podcast is beginning to branch out and evolve to address any and every topic that involves ENCOURAGING, CHALLENGING, and EMPOWERING men to be better versions of themselves! Better men = A Better World “…All of us have the obligation to do whatever we are able to do to promote the welfare of our fellowman. If you love someone who is ruining his or her life because of faulty thinking and you don’t do anything about it because you are afraid of what others might think, it would seem that rather than being loving, you are in fact being heartless.” - William Wilberforce
Empathy. Self-Disgust. Remorse. Each of these are crucial components when making amends with a betrayed partner. Feeling guilt, self-pity, and regret are not enough. It takes effort, patience, and a willingness to take healthy risks. It’s not always easy to make amends, but the more thorough we are with our self-awareness and ownership, the greater the ability we have to maintain long term growth in restoring our relationships.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
If you partner is unaware of your porn habit, does it still hurt your relationship? Do you find yourself being dishonest about other things? What unrealistic expectations do you have for your partner regarding sex and intimacy? Are you sure partner doesn’t wonder or suspect something? Do you want be a partner that keeps certain parts of themselves hidden or do you want to learn to be vulnerable, learn to heal, and learn to grow in your relationship?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Even if your partner thinks your porn use is “normal” or “common”, doesn’t mean it’s not damaging to your relationship. Do they know the type of porn you watch and how often? Do you expect them to be grateful that your not “out cheating” and that it’s “just porn?” If your partner was feeling betrayed by your behavior, would you care to know that?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
About 64% of Christian men view porn at least on a monthly basis. Is porn use really that bad if it’s few and far between? Is it really worth being COMPLETELY FREE of porn? Does casual porn use even affect me that much?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Is world ready for the truth about PORN? How does toxic masculinity and misogyny contribute to RAPE CULTURE? More and more allegations for sexual assault are bound to come to the surface. Do men have the ability to have sexual integrity? How WOKE are we ready to be?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
There is so much stigma still attached to addiction and porn itself can be quite a taboo topic, especially in church settings. Creating the space to open up is paramount for overcoming ANY compulsive behavior. True victory IS possible! The Jesus we trust with our salvation can also be trusted to help us overcome in the here and now.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We live in a society that winks at the sex industry but shakes their head at sexual assault and sex trafficking. The porn industry generates $12 billion dollars a year. Establishing dialogue about the effects of pornography on society is key to fighting the social injustice it perpetuates. The more well informed we are about these issues, the more equipped we become to do something about it.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
There are four components of healthy sex education: Consent, Safety, Mutual Pleasure, and Emotional Connection. Internet pornography is becoming more coercion based, more violent, more misogynistic, and more explicit. Watching porn gives you a POWER COMPLEX that influences your desires and expectations. Trigger Warning
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
“Sin is sin!” “You have a spirit of lust.”“You need to read your Bible more.” “You’re gonna go to hell!” We Christians make broad brushed statements that are just plain STUPID. Not every issue demands a hyper religious response. God uses KINDNESS to lead us to repentance. It is much more beneficial to lean in to God and deepen your connection with Him.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Consuming porn often becomes an acceptable coping mechanism for a whole host of mental and emotional stressors: anxiety, anger, depression, hopelessness, grief, boredom, etc. To successfully detach from compulsive behavior, we must acknowledge the purpose we allowed it to serve in our lives. Developing new healthy habits is paramount to unlearning destructive ones.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Even the healthiest upbringing of a young man can’t always protect him from pornography and its harmful effects. There are MULTIPLE variables involved. Hormones. Curiosity. Peer pressure. Glamorization. Insecurity. Rejection. Most would agree that these factors are a natural part of the human experience. So how do they enable some to develop a porn habit?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
“Women dress suggestively because they WANT our sexual attention.” “Some women like it rough and don’t care about being exploited.” “Men in porn videos are LIVING THE DREAM.” “Access to porn reduces sexual assault.” “If rape happened in porn videos, it would be REPORTED AND REMOVED IMMEDIATELY.” TRIGGER WARNING This episode may contain references to sexually explicit content and/or various forms of violence and abuse. Listener discretion is advised.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
When we are involved in intimate relationships, why do we still consume pornography? What are we hoping to achieve? Are we truly living out our fantasies when we hide our habit and lie to our partners? What purpose does it serve to continue watching porn? How does it influence the views and expectations of our relationships?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
If you had the opportunity, what would you tell your past self about PORN and PORN ADDICTION? How does genuine curiosity play a role? What happens to my brain when it comes to visual stimuli? How does porn affect my expectations about sex? How much does porn contribute to the hurt and injustices of our world? Knowing the truth can greatly deter us from buying in to the fantasy. TRIGGER WARNING - This episode may contain references to sexually explicit content and/or various forms of violence and abuse. Listener discretion is advised.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We talk a lot about RELAPSE, but what is a LAPSE? It is often defined as a situation or a scenario that puts you at a high risk of relapse. Some of these instances are avoidable while others have the potential to blindside us out of nowhere. Regardless of WHEN they happen, they can become valuable learning experiences that strengthen us in our ability to overcome.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
What does it take to achieve long-term freedom from PORN? What type of tools should I have? How do I avoid becoming complacent? I share in this episode about the various internal changes I needed to make to be successful in my recovery.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
For many years I gained experience using tools that helped me stay free from porn in the short term. In this episode I elaborate on which efforts were beneficial and which ones needed adjustment.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Collecting recovery tokens for clean time has been a common practice in a number of recovery circles. Are tokens a necessary part of getting free? How would it work in the scope of a PORN ADDICTION? If I relapse, am I really back at square one? Is consecutive clean time really the determining factor that measures my recovery progress?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Awareness and desire must be partnered with ATTITUDE in order to achieve long term freedom. In a porn habit we often become indifferent and apathetic about our lives in general because we feel defeated. Maintaining attitude simply involves our willingness to take the next step forward, whatever step that may be. Perhaps it is opening up to a trusted friend or attending a self-help meeting. Maybe it is setting specific, measurable goals for yourself or changing your daily routine. As you take the next step, your level of hope will increase.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Maintaining a DESIRE to end your porn habit is a foundational component for long term success. Is your motivation for change coming from an internal source or an external one? Here are some motivators that would help me stay on track....
One quick look is never enough.
I don’t want anymore images flooding my brain.
Consuming porn ruins leisure time/weekends/vacations.
God’s abundant grace is available for me to overcome this.
I feel more depressed after watching it.
My flesh and it’s desires are NOT the sum of who I am.
I don’t like feeling mentally and emotionally numb.
Carrying shame negates my ability to enjoy hobbies and quality time with others.
I don’t want to support sex trafficking and rape culture.
God helped me get free before, He can do it again!
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
What if your partner is the one with the porn habit? Is it wrong to feel betrayed? How do you make sense of it? Should you “check up” on your partner? If you are pondering these types of questions, it is CRUCIAL to have your own support system.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Relapse is often times part of the recovery journey. Don’t get discouraged. A relapse can be a great learning experience that reveals our blindspots. In this episode I share some steps I take when I’m at risk of a relapse, action steps that would help me stay accountable AFTER a relapse, and some motivators that help me stay on track even to this day!
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
After being secretive with my porn habit for over 5 years, I needed to seek healing for myself as well as healing in my marriage. These healings are not synonymous but they can compliment one another. Recognizing these healings as separate fronts helped me to see the level of commitment each of them required.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Self-pity does not produce holiness. It keeps us stuck in shame and depression. Romans 8:28 states “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” God continues to work on us in the midst of our victories AND our defeats. There is nothing God can’t use for His glory.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
1) Sporadic openness about our porn habit keeps us from moving forward in recovery - consistent accountability is crucial to success. 2) Being busy with activities distracts us from guilt but also keeps us from being sober minded and self-aware - we must forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes. 3) Restricting our search settings and filters can help, but the victory we need over our porn habit lies within ourselves - we need to develop plans to avoid relapse altogether.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
There was a time I thought my porn addiction was just a part of “who I am.” That belief brought me to two options: 1) Keep watching porn whenever I want and keep it a secret, or 2) watch porn sporadically and stay honest. Both of those options made me a hypocrite so I sought a third one: Hope for a MIRACLE.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Stigmas become attached to taboo topics like porn addiction. Often times we see men in denial of their porn habit, they wait too long to get help, and their behavior morphs into something worse. You don’t need to wait for earth-shattering consequences to know you have a problem. If you want to take steps to find freedom of your porn habit, check out the following resources below www.moralrevolution.com puredesire.org covenanteyes.com Also check out the podcast “Consider before Consuming” to hear an interview of Terry Crews and his personal account of overcoming his porn habit. (Episode 21)
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Is religion the same thing as having an actual RELATIONSHIP with God?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
When overcoming a porn habit, seeing a therapist can be an invaluable component of your support system.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Rationalizations tell us that there is nothing wrong with our porn habit and that our behavior is normal. These excuses are usually rooted in what our culture says about being a man. Do we really accept that men are terminally enslaved to there sexual appetites? Do we truly believe some women were MEANT to be exploited in the sex industry? (See my Instagram page “free_indeed_recovery” for more excuses and counterpoints)
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
When we JUSTIFY our porn habit we know our behavior is wrong, but convince ourselves it is excusable under specific circumstances. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, the apostle Paul explains that God provides an escape from temptation. If we are vigilant in seeing that escape, it then becomes a matter of OBEDIENCE.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Excuses for sinful behaviors keep us in a cycle of denial. For every excuse we make, there is a truth we neglect to embrace. Minimizing focuses on comparing behaviors instead of acknowledging what’s right. For this episode, see the following scripture references: Proverbs 23:17 and Matthew 5:27-28.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Why is your porn habit a “problem?” Because you got caught? Someone told you it was sin? It’s time to ask a different question. How does your porn habit personally affect YOU?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
This episode is an introduction to my personal journey of getting free from pornography. It is my passion to see others become free of this destructive habit.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app