Tough Love: Recent Episodes
Collaborative Studios
Welcome to Tough Love, the relationship podcast with Stephanie Regan, clinical psychotherapist and relationship expert and Mairead Loughman, Matchmaker and founder of Love HQ.
This podcast is the result of many conversations between us about dating and love where we found that we were both noticing the suffering, loneliness and powerlessness that can lie beneath the search for love.
Although we arrive to the subject from two very different places we saw that some truths and difficulties simply never get aired and that there could be a real benefit in opening a bigger and more frank conversation on these and the realities of dating and building relationships in today's world.
Our focus is to say what needs saying, hence the title ,'Tough Love', but with the purpose of empowering the listener,by hearing common sense and new perspectives.
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How to manage your stress
What is stress?
What does stress feel like?
When stress happens?
How stress and noise holds you back from finding love.
How to support your partner through stress.
Why we need to mind our energy and how to identify "drains and radiators".
If you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead on Zoom or if you would like us to help you with your dilemmas, please get in touch www.toughlove.ie
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This week on Tough Love podcast, Stephanie and Mairead discuss
- The media coverage about Kate Midldleton, her cancer diagnosis, your right to privacy and boundaries, external pressures to share and toxicity in our relationships.
-Why are people in Ireland some of the oldest in Ireland becoming first time parents? How do societal issues impact our relationships?
-Why is it said that men should not move into a woman's home?
-Conversations you should have before moving in together.
-When is the right time to break up with someone?
-The impact that separation and divorce has on men?
-Should you stay friends with an ex?
If you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead visit www.toughlove.ie
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Mairead and Stephanie discuss:
- What does International Women's Day mean to us?
- Mairead and Stephanie share their own personal and workplace experiences with women - positive and negative.
- How can women work against women and be an obstacle to each other?
- What kind of woman are you for other women - how do they feel in your company and when they leave your company?
- How do women support each other!
- Are there times that we expect too much of each other or too little?
- The toxicity of gossip and how to disengage from it.
- The part women play in holding women back.
- How women compete with each other, in obvious and subtle ways!
- When does normal healthy competition become toxic?
- A day to consider reflecting on the kind of woman, friend you are for other women!
- The special times women need women- as a young mother, after a breakup, grief times, after divorce, unemployed for a long time, after illness, seeking a partner for a long time.
- Role models and why they matter.
- How you can supplement the gaps in the early role models of your life.
- The role of fathers and men as supporters of daughters, wives, women and colleagues.
- The gift of our young generation of men who are unbiased to women
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This week on the Tough Love podcast, we discuss Valentine's Day, giving and receiving gifts and the common problems that Valentine's Day can highlight in your relationship.
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In this episode of Tough Love podcast, Stephanie and Mairead discuss perfectionism, loneliness and mindset this christmas.
www.toughlove.ie
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To celebrate singles day 2023, Stephanie and Mairead are discussing how to choose yourself, develop your romantic and personal side of your personality, cut out anything that does not serve the life that you want, consciously decide on the life that you want and so much more!
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In this the fourth episode in the series series on the healthy break Mairead and Stephanie discuss
- The pain suffering and grief of break up.
- All of the people that are involved in your break up in particular -children, new partners , family, your ex’s family.
- How to separate the emotion of the break up and to make good decisions.
- How to keep the future in view, despite the emotion of the break up.
- How to manage invitations.
- When to introduce new partners and when is it too soon?
- How about you?
- Recalibrating your desires for the future.
- Bring some business practicality to a very emotional situation!
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This week on Tough Love podcast
Part 3 of 4 in our series covering couples in crisis from when to get relationship help, conversations and communications through to healing a healthy relationship or when to separate or divorce.
The checklist of important conversations you should be prepared for to have a healthy separation and divorce.
If you would like to book a private consultation with Mairead and Stephanie visit www.toughlove.ie
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This week on Tough Love podcast
Part 2 of 4 in our series covering couples in crisis from when to get relationship help, conversations and communications through to healing a healthy relationship or when to separate or divorce.
If you would like to book a private consultation with Mairead and Stephanie visit www.toughlove.ie
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Welcome back to season 2 of Tough Love podcast! Thank you for everyone that has listened to series 1 and for all your lovely feedback.
Part one of our four part series covering couples in crisis, when to get relationship help, conversations and communication, through to healing a healthy relationship or deciding on separation and divorce.
If you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead visit www.toughlove.ie or iof you would like to get in contact with us email toughloveirl@gmail.com
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This week on Tough Love podcast we are on holidays so we discuss a few mini topics that we have encountered recently -
We discuss -
Cheating and the real life statistics of cheating.
Age gaps.
What is holding you back?
Your journey - what is happening in your life or relationship drawing you to this podcast and remembering to just keep going.
Grå- gust (Using August to find love and direction in your life for the rest of the year!) Increase your friendships, new activities and your social life)
Stephanie - "Make one good decision and more good decisions will follow".
Don't speak badly about your partner to your family or friends.
Are you actually dating that person, is it actually going somewhere or are you over invested?
Stephanie shares sone love movies she watched lately on Netflix
If you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead together on Zoom visit www.toughlove.ie
In this episode we look at
- Scrolling, influencers - where you're taking your advice and who you are allowing influence your thoughts and decisions.
- The imperative of idle time on holidays-how to let something new happen as you step away from routine.
- Phubbing-the damage it does the hurt it can cause and how to deal with that.
- Who’s paying for the holiday?
- Listener Questions
- My partner won’t talk about the future! My new boyfriend is very slow- not even a kiss yet! She’s always busy maybe she doesn’t want to go out with me? He said he’s not looking for anything serious, what should I do?
Topics that Stephanie and I covered this week in the media on Newstalk, iradio and East Coast FM.
New research stating 63.5% of Tinder users are either married or in a relationship.
How our "Ask Stephanie and Mairead" consultations work - To book - www.toughlove.ie
Red flags and green flags at the early stages of a relationship.
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When friends cannot celebrate your successes .
How you lose friends when you couple up and why?
Where love is anchored in your relationships?
Types of friends!
Respect your won boundaries, so others know where they are.
How people pleasing self defeats and lays pressure on the partner.
The importance of someone leading more emotionally.
Practice saying NO and experience the power shift!
How to nip it in the bud!
Small toxic actions.
The toxicity of criticism.
The part you play in the toxicity that prevails.
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This week on Tough Love podcast
- How the housing crisis is affecting how we date, separations and relationships.
-Oxytocin - fascinating facts about the love hormone.
- How men and women date differently.
-The difference in the perspective of men and women when going on a first date.
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This week on Tough Love podcast we explore the highs, lows and pitfalls of holidays and relationships.
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In the media, we briefly explore the importance of trust in relationships in light of the RTE pay dilemma.
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Issues encountered on holidays for long term couples.
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How to prepare for a first holiday in a new relationship.
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If the holiday is destroyed , what to do.
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Holidaying with family or friends as a couple.
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When you or your other half are going on holidays without your other half.
- Porn addiction, sex, alcohol and gambling.
- The addictive cycle
- The additional unconscious factor that drives it .
- The irish cultural factors
- The negatives of heavy drinking and how we normalize it.
- Do you know the safe limits for drinking alcohol?
- When you need to take notice.
- What are the warning signs?
- The power of denial.
- The many excuses that we create to drink.
- How the addiction hides in excitement at the beginning of relationships.
- The imperative of dealing with facts v judgment or accusations.
- The real meaning of rock bottom.
- Lay the responsibility for fixing the problem where it belongs.
- Have the conversations to protect yourself.
- Call it out early!
- What to look for?
In this episode Stephanie and Mairead discuss arguments.
- What couples argue about!
- How the style of argument is destructive or productive!
- What is your pattern!
- Why apologies and being able to accept an apology is important.
- How to argue in a healthy way
- The toxicity of insults
- How to repair after an argument.
- How to let it go, forgive and move on.
On this episode of Tough Love podcast, Stephanie and Mairead discuss the 10 hardest things for their clients to hear.
If you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead visit www.lovehq.ie
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In this podcast Stephanie and Mairead discuss
- Characteristics that are commonly looked for!
- The dynamics of choice
- The decisions we make and why?
- The role of the unconscious and how it interrupts our decisions!
- Early sexual and love choices and how they impact our patterns!
- Recognising our own desire separate from what family and friends want for us!
- Consciously choosing!
- Knowing your Deal Breakers!- Does it help you or hinder you? Does it over focus you on what you don’t want and where is the balance?
This week Mairead and Stephanie discuss the important conversations you should consider having before moving in together.
- Finances can you put this means in terms of equality and responsibility.
- Cleaning and chores - , how small things can irritate but how women need to be careful not carry the emotional load.
- Work schedules-finding couple time and setting it aside amidst busy work schedules.
- Alone time and how much are personal space you need.
- Decisions-discuss how decisions will get made, and who feels what about that process.
- Habits lifestyles and idiosyncrasies.
- Boundaries-things you know already about yourself don't need to be communicated in terms of your boundaries.
- Pets-if you buy pets together and your break up what is going to happen.
- Furniture and belongings-make a simple list it may be invaluable later.
- Privacy-who will be allowed to come to stay and who will have a key.
- Whose house is it and the implications of this-are you creating a house or a home?
- The importance of living together before marriage and is marriage any different?]
In this episode of Tough Love podcast, Stephanie and Mairead discuss Narcissists.
What is the narcissistic abuse cycle?
Behaviours of a narcissist
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High sense of importance
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Need to be admired and seen as superior
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Critical of others
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No problem using someone for their own advantage
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Envious of others and feel others are envious of them
How to break up with a narcissist
How to heal after dating a narcissist.
If you would like to get in contact with us or book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead visit www.toughlove.ie
This week on Tough Love podcast, Stephanie and Mairead speak about coercive control and abuse within relationships.
This podcast includes:
What is coercive control exactly?
What are the micro presentations of it?
What to do if you suspect it?
Dealing with toxic control or toxic power in your relationship!
The value of slowing down to help you see the red flags ?
Narcissism and how it is masked in successful relationships.
The narcissist you date!
The exaggerations !
The lies! And what lies behind that!
The wild wonderful promises!
How to protect yourself against the narcissistic dater.
If you are worried about your own relationship or a friend's relationship you can call Women’s Aid on the 24Hr National Freephone Helpline on 1800 341 900 or use the free and confidential chat support service. Men needing support can contact the Male Advice Line on 1800 816 588
If you would like to get in touch to confidentially share your stories or queries with Mairead and Stephanie, visit www.toughlove.ie
In this episode Mairead and Stephanie discuss friendships and the importance of having healthy bonds in our lives.
Topics covered
Friendships over our life span.
Why new friends are refreshing!
Stephanie and Mairead's friendship,how it has developed.
Should you be friends with your ex?
How to create and analyze your social universe.
Ending the friendships that need to be ended.
Friends that can't celebrate your success.
When your friends pull away after falling in love or having children.
Cobwebbing your friendships.
The challenge for friends after divorce.
How to expand your social circle.
Plan your connections, reach outs, and social life.
Friendships in the remote working era.
Keeping friendships when you're a couple and mind those boundaries.
Tending and nurturing a diverse and varied social universe.
If you would like us to confidential share your story, discuss a particular topic or if you would like to book a private consultation with Stephanie and Mairead together visit www.toughlove.ie and don't forget to follow us on instagram- tough_love_podcast
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- Consciously thinking about what you want from your relationship now, or the one you are working toward.
- Creating space for yourself- tune into you.
- Be compassionate with yourself.
- Look for patterns.
- Acknowledge your feelings.
- Assessing the balance of your relationship - Is it how you want it?
- Are trying to do all the work.
- How to invite, ask or forge change in your relationship.
- The imperative of finding your individual and couple power source.
- How to handle disappointment in your relationship.
- Has Xmas exposed something in your relationship that needs addressing.
- Create some quietness so you can tune into yourself.
In this episode of Tough Love, Mairead and Stephanie speak about sex and how important is it in a relationship?
In this episode we discuss-
-The average people lose their virginity.
-How much sex are people actually having?
-The reasons why men and women flirt.
-How often are Irish people having sex?
-How many orgasms are Irish women having per week?
-Do all partners talk about sex and how important is it that couples talk about sex?
-Do couples go to therapy to talk about sex?
-How do you talk about se with your partner?
-Why do people go to sex workers?
-Why do people become addicted to sex?
-What are women's no. 1 regrets when it comes to sex?
-When should you have sex with a new partner?
-What are the average age groups of people having one night stands?
If you would like to confidentially share any of your relationship or dating stories with us for our podcast or if you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead, please visit us at www.toughlove.ie
In this episode of Tough Love, Mairead and Stephanie speak about the traditional roles in modern relationships. How and why men and women choose their partners differently and why the more successful a woman is in her career, the more difficult it can be to find a suitable partner.
In this episode we discuss-
-When freedom really began for women in Ireland.
-The roles of men and women in modern relationships.
-The impact female education is having on modern relationships.
-"Marrying up", the science of how men and women choose their partners.
-Are women now dating younger.
-When women are the main earners and the additional stress of being the bread winner of the relationship.
-Who tends to earn more money? Single or married people.
-What are men seeking in a modern relationship?
-Why you have chemistry with someone people and not other.
If you would like to share any of your relationship or dating stories with us for our podcast or if you would like to book a private session with Stephanie and Mairead, please visit us at www.toughlove.ie
In this episode Stephanie and Mairead explore the ups and downs of being single at Christmas! The highs and the lows, and how family and friends can make it worse or better for you.
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In this episode Mairéad and Stephanie discuss how to build,grow and maintain a freshness in
your relationship over time! From dating to the time of real commitment,how you behave and
communicate will shape your relationship.
TOPICS
● How self awareness helps.
● Emotional intelligence
● Skill compatibility and communication.
● Capacity to intimately share with your partner
● How to effect change.
● Criticism versus validation.
● Confidence in your own boundaries and story.
● Reviewing your relationships over time .
● Disagreements, well managed can let your relationship grow and expand.
● The validation language of love.
● Boundaries,
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In this episode,Stephanie and Mairead look at infidelity, during dating and when the relationship
is established and long term. Is it possible to get over the disappointment and anger and should
you even try?
Topics
● Navigating the anger
● Why it happens?
● Do some people always cheat?
● What to do when you find out!
● Can your relationship survive it?
● How therapy can help!
● Is it always about sex!
If you like to contact Stephanie and Mairead to share your relationship stories or if you would
like to book a private session with them visit www.toughlove.ie
Stephanie Regan :
Website :https://www.stephanieregan.ie/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-regan-98a65098/
Mairead Loughman :
Website :https://www.lovehq.ie/
Podcast, Would Like to Meet:
https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/would-like-to-meet/id1535091835
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mair%C3%A9ad-loughman-b46886111/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/lovehq.ie/
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In this episode Stephanie and Mairead discuss power in relationships. Power is often
considered a negative word in relationships, but not here. Sensing that you have power and
some leverage to influence the direction and pace of your relationship is vital to a healthy, happy
one. Without this, someone is conceding, staying silent, appeasing, giving in, and over time,
resentment builds and unhappiness follows.
Topics
● The toxicity of power versus positive power
● Power to influence your relationship.
● How overinvesting on dates erodes your power.
● The subtle ways you may hand over your power.
● How you signal your influence or lack of it in the early stages of dating.
● Tune into your own reaction and act on it.
● Look at your own patterns and try alternatives.
● When the power balance is wrong - what to do? how do you know?
● When is the relationship healthy?
● Making changes in your relationship!
In this episode,Mairead and Stephanie take a deep look at breakups. From the early crushes of teenage years to the ending of a twenty five year marriage. How important it is to build resilience in this area as it's becoming increasingly common. This discussion focuses on how to break up healthily.
What story do you tell yourself! Who do you blame! Must someone always be at fault.
Breakups are not only an ending,but also a real opportunity for a fresh start,with something learned, that can enhance your future love life.
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