Lead Me: Recent Episodes

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Do leaders think differently? Best selling author Vanessa Van Edwards breaks down 3 Levels of Human connection and how these levels create a different way of thinking in leaders.

Pastor Eric and Zack break down these levels and discuss the questions that come with each level.

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Most leaders are aware of the importance of mindset, that our thoughts turn into our actions, which turn into our results. At the same time, self-defeating, repetitive thoughts—which New York Times best-selling author Jon Acuff calls “Soundtracks”—can undermine our efforts to develop and maintain a positive and effective mindset. In this talk at GLS22, Jon helped leaders and teams learn how to start developing a winning mindset by retiring the broken soundtracks that have been holding them back and replacing them with new ones that propel them forward.

Introduction

• – I am a goal nerd. One year I read 100 books, ran 1,000 miles. I once hired a man to help me to get better at ping pong.
• – A goal is the fastest path between where you are today and where you want to be tomorrow.
• – Starting is fun but the future belongs to finishers.
• – There is a 92% chance that New Year’s resolutions will fail.
• Overthinking
• – Overthinking wrecks more leaders than anything else. Example: overthinking a text message.
• – Have you ever re-read an email you have already sent?
• – Have you ever edited an idea before you even wrote it down? You know how many ideas we have lost to overthinking.
• – Overthinking is the most expensive thing that companies invest in every year without realizing.
• – Overthinking steals time, creativity, and productivity
• – Overthinking – When what you think gets in the way of what you want.
• – Mike Peasley – Research of 10,000 people if they struggle with overthinking – More than 99.5% of people said, “yes.” We did the study in 2019 before the pandemic.
• – Everything is a “thing.”
• – It’s impossible to turn off your brain. Why would you do that? Just think good thoughts that move you forward.
• – Neuroplasticity – Change the composition of your brain by changing your thoughts
• – If you can worry, you can wonder. If you can doubt, you can dominate.

– Imagine if we were to renew our minds (wink, wink).

Soundtrack

• – A soundtrack is a repetitive thought.
• – Soundtrack changes everything. And you have a soundtrack for every part of your life: every job, every relationship. The more you listen to thoughts, they become the soundtrack to your life.
• – Culture is a collection of soundtracks playing consistently at a company.
• – NYU – 2 groups of college students. Make sentences out of a word bank. In one group, they gave words about aging. Then they had them walk down the hall. The students who had read about being old walked slower.
• – Great thoughts lead to great actions. Great actions lead to great results.

Great leaders retire broken soundtracks.

They replace them with new soundtracks.

They repeat until automatic.

Retire broken soundtracks.

• – That’s not how we do things around here.
• – There’s never been a day that turned out the way it was scheduled, so why do we talk about the schedule?
• – We never reach our goals, so why do we set them? It’s the soundtrack of apathy.
• – Write a goal and then listen to your first thoughts. Every reaction is an education.
• – Fear argues both sides of a coin. “You’re too young.” and “You’re too old. You’ve missed your shot.”
• – Ask the loudest soundtracks three questions:
• – Is it true? One of the greatest mistakes you can make as a leader is assuming all your thoughts are true.
• – Is it helpful? When I say this again and again, does it push us forward or does it pull us back?
• – Is it kind? You’re high performing. Low-performing people don’t attend The Global Leadership Summit. You’re voluntarily taking notes, plugging in, working with your team.
• – Google wondered, “What do our most successful teams have in common?” They launched Project Aristotle. Spent millions of dollars. Measured 180 teams. Used 35 models. What did they find?
• – They had psychological safety. You can ask questions. You can suggest new ideas. You can admit you are wrong without being treated unkindly by the team.
• – You only get to fix mistakes that you can admit are wrong.
• – Leaders who cannot be questioned end up doing questionable things.

Replace them with new soundtracks.

• – We tend to think thoughts are outside our control.
• – Thoughts come by choice or chance.
• – Great leaders pick thoughts ahead of time and they choose thoughts that are actionable.
• – Where do I want to win this week?
• – You have a soundtrack for every person in your life.
• – Empathy – Understanding what someone needs and acting on it.
• – If you want to enrage those you lead, let them know you know what they need and don’t do anything about it.
• – Care about what the people you care about, care about.
• – What do the people you care about, care about?
• – Crisis magnifies kindness. The kind things you do are worth so much more than they used to be.
• – Read less minds. Ask more questions.
• – It is much better to meet a need than to invent a need.
• – Bose Band Camp – got in the trenches and listened to the need.
• – Bose had a huge lead on headphones, but they didn’t listen to people and forgot about Dre.
• – When you ask someone what they need, they become visible and valuable.
• – Do you see me? Do I matter?
• – Once you discover the power of soundtracks, you’re going to hear them everywhere.
• – Individuals have soundtracks. Couples have soundtracks. Families have soundtracks.
• – “Your New Playlist”
• – The best leaders turn overthinking from a super problem into a superpower.
• – My new soundtrack is: I am a leader.

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As the world seems to be becoming increasingly polarized, finding leaders who can lead with vision, intellect and unity seem few and far between. A.R. Bernard is one such leader.

At The Global Leadership Summit, Paula Faris interviewed Bernard, asking questions like: How can a leader build trust in a culture that lacks trust? What insight can you share about leading in environments with diverse perspectives and agendas? And what advice would you give to leaders that are just starting out on their leadership journey?

Why is bridge building important?

– We are social beings. We are meant to be together; nothing can be accomplished alone. We need each other.

– Building bridges is finding common ground, finding the place of agreement.

– Agreement is a place of power. Disagreement is the place of powerlessness.

– Common ground creates pathway for communication.

How do you go about bridge building?

– Attitude determines approach. Approach determines success or failure. – It begins with attitude. You need an attitude of humility. Jesus said to assume the lower place.

– When entering a room, assume that there are people more knowledgable. Be invited up.

– Humility takes empathy. Empathy is about understanding the state of the other’s existence.

– The basics of debate are about knowing the other side. Not just holding on to your side.

– Hebrews – remember those in prison as if you were one of them. Put yourself in the place of the other person.

– Moral courage – the willingness to take moral action despite the risk or consequences.

What’s the mindset going into meetings with opposing leaders?

– I live and thrive at the intersection of faith and culture. Culture is the attitudes, disposition of society, customs and practice, institutions, language.

– As a person of faith, my responsibility is to urge culture, especially those in power, to measure themselves against God’s perspective for society. – It’s about trust. Every relationship is based on trust. You build trust by consistency, integrity, reputation (built over time).

– You must have trust and something to bring to the table

Working with NYC Mayors

– I see my role as salt and light. To speak to individuals in power and help them rethink.

– I have 275 members of NYPD that are members of my congregation.

– The situation between de Blasio and NYPD had gotten very ugly. I was able to adjust his lens enough that he was able to adjust.

– You have to build trust. Relationship is a network for life.

– The shooting of Sean Bell

– how Bloomberg responded stopped it from escalating.

Rebuilding Trust

– You begin by giving hope toward some future goal or objective that you can all agree on.

– It’s about keeping your word, integrity.

– When you don’t know where to start, find something you have in common. There’s more that unites us than divides us.

– The climate in our culture has people taking sides. When you have the proliferation of the extremes, it expands the middle.

– The only way to move forward in a divided society is to have conversations.

– The voice of the people is not necessarily the mind of the people. The voice has been hijacked by the media, special interest groups, political parties, even the clergy.

– There is a greater division in Washington than there is among the people. Let’s find common ground and build bridges of relationship.

– You’re not going to convince everybody. You just have to convince enough of the right people if you’re going to affect change.

Working with Leaders of Other Faiths

– Society requires civil order and a moral value consensus. Religion brings that to society.

– I look to engage other faiths. I can do that because I’m secure in my faith.

– My conversion did not come by way of the institution. It came by way of a person, Jesus Christ.

– I grew up in two contexts. I learned how to build relationships in both contexts. Jesus was comfortable as a Jew even though he knew his mission was beyond that.

– I thought God, truth and life were synonymous.

– I heard a voice: “I’m the God you are looking for. I and my Word are one.” It took me to Scripture. I met Jesus in his Word.

Tension and Conflict

– Those of us who believe in and participate in the kingdom of God are immediately put into a tension.

– Jesus said they were in the world but not of the world. That creates tension.

– It puts me in a tension between separation and assimilation. I’m living between the need to be different and the need to be a part of the culture I live in.

– It raises questions. How much do I adjust to the culture without losing my identity? Should I get involved in politics?

– This tension has existed since the inception of Christianity in the Roman world.

– Jeremiah – “Settle down. Plant gardens. Pray for the peace and prosperity of the city.”

The Most Difficult Bridge

– They all have their challenges.

– The most difficult has been to change the image of Christianity in the mind of those who have been hurt by it or see it as the enemy.

Advice to New Leaders

– Managing continuity and change.

– Change is the only constant in life. It is the essence of maturation. It’s movement from one stage to another. It can move you from comfort to discomfort.

– Truth is the only agent that effects true change.

– All truth is confrontational. It confronts our attitudes, choices.

– The Bible reveals the purposes and plans of God. It also is a book with patterns, principles, precepts that work for successful life.

– Knowing what to change and what to continue is the challenge. If you change what you should continue, you lose your identity. If you continue what you should change, you become irrelevant.

– The past becomes the foundation for imagining what can be in the future.

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There is one thing that all leaders have in common—complex problems! The longer you lead the more complex and difficult the problems can be to solve. There comes a point in your leadership when you must grow and change in order to move your organization forward, reach more people and have a greater impact. In his talk at The Global Leadership Summit,

Craig Groeschel asked leaders to consider two questions to help them grow in their capacity to lead through the pain and uncertainty that challenges bring.

Growing in Your Capacity for PUC

– Everyone wins when the leader gets better. Are you ready to grow in your leadership?

– The next time we endure a global pandemic, all the unrest, you will have experience.

– I was looking for the one word that describes the essence of what every growing leader must endure. I couldn’t find the word I was looking for, so I made up a word: PUC.

– I like it because it sounds unpleasant. It is memorable. You must grow in your capacity to handle Pain, Uncertainty, Chaos (PUC).

Chaos

– How many control freaks do we have? As leaders, we want simplicity. We want healthy systems. In order to grow, we must be able to endure chaos. Anything that grows will have a little bit of chaos.

– You can have control, or you can have growth, but you can’t have both.

– Too much control stifles growth. Some of you are in a bureaucratic nightmare. Rules, policies and procedures are organizational scar tissue. When someone is dumb, manage dumb. Lead them; don’t make another rule.

– I was trying to manage everything, and I had a leader in my organization come and tell me that I was getting in the way of progress. If we’re always controlling, we rob others of the chance to grow.

– I don’t interview like I used to. I endure significant seasons of chaos so other leaders could grow and become excellent talent spotters.

– We kept them by enabling them to lead. You get there by trusting, empowering and enduring chaos.

– The best leaders don’t obsess about controlling outcomes. The best leaders obsess about empowering leaders.

– The mark of great leadership isn’t measured by how much you control, but by the leaders you empower.

Application:

– What are you controlling that you need to let go?

– If you don’t know, ask the person that works for you or around you. They will be happy to contribute to your education. If you want to grow, you have to let go.

Uncertainty

– The only thing that we know for certain is that the future is uncertain.

– “Uncertainty is not an indication of poor leadership; it underscores the need for leadership.” – Andy Stanley

– Because our world is uncertain, a good leader plans for unforeseen challenges. A great leader also plans for unexpected opportunities. Wherever there is uncertainty, there is always opportunity.

– The most significant and impactful things that we have done were born in uncertain times and were things we never planned to do.

– 2001—we pioneered the multisite movement.

– 2006—we created a church online platform. We didn’t plan it.

– In 2020, we gave it away to 45,000 churches. We didn’t plan on giving away the YouVersion Bible App to billions. We didn’t plan on a podcast.

– Create margin for opportunities that you cannot predict. Create margin today for opportunities coming tomorrow.

– We didn’t just see the idea. We were able to execute because we had the margin.

– If you have margins, you can seize the opportunity.

– “Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until later.” – Bob Goff

– What’s the problem? The world is incredibly uncertain, and I feel it.

– In uncertain times, leaders often have a goal to not fail. It’s a bad goal. The cost of inaction is almost always greater than the cost of a mistake.

– We were about to break ground in Colorado Springs, Colorado, in the middle of the pandemic. We had to decide if we were going to break ground or if we were going to retreat. We got together and asked difficult questions. I told our team, “If we’re going to make mistakes, I want to make aggressive mistakes. I want to make mistakes in faith rather than in fear.”

Application:

– What risk do you need to take?

– There’s always risk. The world could fall apart. It just did. There is always uncertainty, which means there is always opportunity.

– What idea, theory or hunch do you have? If it is still in your heart, maybe it is for a reason.

– If you wait until you’re 100% sure, you will most always be late.

Pain

– There is no pain like leadership pain.

– There are always opportunities, but always at a cost. With more influence are more resources and opportunities, but also more challenges and burdens. With more people working for you, you can accomplish more, but you get all the drama too.

Application:

– What painful decision have you been avoiding that it’s time to make?

– Your capacity to lead toward the future is determined by your ability to endure pain today.

– The way is always through, not out - This is how growth occurs

– When things are uncertain, what is most important becomes clear

– If you are not dead, you are not done.

Puc-er up and do what leaders do!

2 Corinthians 11:23-28

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Today Pastor Eric and Zach are discussing our roles as leaders to lead back to civility. They breakdown Shola Richards practical ways to lead yourself and others in this endeavor including eliminating what weakens us, the distinction between kind and nice, and being leaders that leave a wake of civility in our path.

The Need for Civility

We are defined by how we treat each other.

There are two types of people in this world: those who make you feel good when they walk into the room and those that make you feel good when they walk out of the room. The difference is civility.

People follow you because they choose to or because they have to. Incivility are the behaviors that make you lose faith in humanity.

Georgetown study – 25% take out frustrations on customers, 48% intentionally decreased their work effort, 78% commitment to organization declined

What we allow is what will continue.

I worked in a work environment that could only be called soul-destroying. I said I was done. I made the decision to take my own life. I didn’t just think about suicide; I attempted it. I’m a suicide survivor.

We are defined by how we treat each other.

How to Lead Others with Civility

Brennan Manning – “In every encounter, you either give life or drain it. There is no neutral exchange.”

There are a lot of leaders that are unaware of how their words and actions impact others.

You need to connect to your hire self when you come to work. You remember the person you said you were when you interviewed, that’s the person.

Kindness is what we need from our leaders. Holding people accountable, standing up to bigotry and racism. Giving loving to someone who is suicidal.

I am a kindness-extremist. People call me “Brother Theresa.”

Five Values for Leading Others

1. Value their Ideas (Work) – respect the wisdom of the people closest to the work. What tools can I give you to make sure you serve them better?

2. Value Their Roles – appreciate the importance of everyone’s unique contribution. We all play a role. Is the shortstop more important than the left fielder?

3. Value Their Time – Consistently honor their most precious resource. Start and end your one-on-one meetings on time. Put your phone away and just focus on the person.
4. Value Their Skills – Demonstrate that you trust them and their ability to get the job done. The highest respect you can give someone is to trust them. You can love someone and not trust them.
5. Value Their Humanity – connect personally, recognize their effort and show them grace. All bad behavior is an unskilled expression of an unmet need.
6. Value Their Humanity – connect personally, recognize their effort and show them grace. All bad behavior is an unskilled expression of an unmet need.

– We are defined by how we treat each other.

How to Lead Self with Civility

My dad gave me a lesson on leading self. He pulled me aside, “I need you to be the buffalo, not the cow. When a storm comes, the cow turns away from the storm and prolongs the suffering. But the buffalo turns to the storm and goes into the storm. His time in the storm is shorter and because he has done what is hard, he is made better. Lead yourself through the storm.”

“The difference between where you are and where you could be is the amount of pain you are willing to endure.” – Craig Groeschel

Leadership is really hard. Be aware of the words that weaken us. Don’t self-sabotage. “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t matter.” “I am unlovable.”

You need a self-civility statement. Here’s mine: “I belong in any room that I walk into.”

Leading self with civility through actions. Maintaining healthy boundaries. Removing yourself from toxic relationship. Asking for help. Forgiving others. Reach out to a therapist.

You’re born looking like your daddy. You die looking like your decisions.

Some people in your life need to be loved from a distance.

We are defined by how we treat others, and it starts with how we treat ourselves.

Commitment is doing what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

Leave a Legacy of Civility

If your leaders did not have their authority over you, would you choose to follow them anyway?

Your legacy is not about titles and degrees. Your legacy is defined by how you treat others. That is civility.

When someone passes away, you don’t sit around and talk about cars, degrees. What you’re doing instead is remembering how they treated you.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Lead with civility. The world needs it more than ever. Your decision to do so will be your legacy.

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Today Pastor Eric and Zach are discussing the daily grind of leadership. Using points from Global Leadership Summit speaker Rich Wilkerson Jr., they take a closer look at the reality of the daily grind so we can take ground in our leadership.

Notes:

If leadership were easy, everyone would do it. Anyone can start something, but it takes a leader to finish it. Anyone can celebrate a win, but it takes a leader to endure a loss. Anyone can get excited about the future, but it takes a leader to stay committed to the daily grind.

At The Global Leadership Summit, Rich Wilkerson Jr. helped us to learn to rename, reframe and remain so we can reclaim the grind and take ground in our leadership.

The Reality of the Grind

– Outlook will determine the outcome.

– Great outcomes don’t happen overnight, they happen over time.

– From here to there is a big space and it’s filled with one word: the grind. The grind is laborious work.

– So much of what you do is unheard, unseen and un-thanked.

– Jesus healed 10 men of leprosy but only one came back to say, “thank you.”

– 90% of what you do in leadership will go un-thanked.

– A great marriage, family and career are a grind. In order to see a dream come to pass, you’ll have to grind through it.

– So many leaders are not lost in some epic battle, it’s the monotony.

– How I steward the mundane moments will create the great moments.

Rename the Grind

– Names bring about an identity.

– Identity brings about purpose.

– Everything you are facing in this season is preparing you for the next season. Rename it; call it preparation.

– Maybe it’s boring; call it research & development.

– Maybe you’re stressed out, rename it to stretch.

– God won’t multiply what you fail to maximize. Every season you’re in has a purpose.

– Everybody’s goal is the same: BIG. We think bigger is better. We must remember that everything big used to be small. Big is a state of mind.

– I’m letting my purpose dictate my feelings.

Reframe the Grind

– If you don’t see what you’re doing differently, you’ll get tired.

– We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are. We have a poisoned perspective which prevents progress.

– The healthiest mindset a leader can take on is a mindset of gratitude. Things you appreciate tend to get better. Things you don’t, tend to get worse.

– We live in a comparison culture. We’re comparing our story to someone else’s story. It stops us and robs us of gratitude.

– Instagram is a lie. We’re not posting our bad days.

– Perfectionism robs us. We don’t just want to be good; we want to be the best. It robs us of seeing the beauty of where we are right now.

– The Silver Medal Syndrome – Bronze medal winners are happier in life than silver medal winners. Silver medal winners are so consumed with the gold. The bronze medal winner is so aware that it could have been worse.

Remain in the Grind

– What you’re doing is so meaningful–it matters.

– This is a season about posture. After everything you’ve done to stand, stand firm.

– Make up your mind before Monday, I’m going to remain in the grind.

– My dad would throw us into situations where he knew we would fail. It’s not about what would happen to you in life, but how you responded to what happened to you.

– He would take us door-to-door. Somewhere between the 3rd and 4th house, things change.

– Even when you face failure, rejection, you decide, I’m going to remain in the grind.

Resilience

– When you choose to rename, reframe, remain, we develop resilience.

– The righteous man falls seven times, but he gets back up.