Moments Matter: Recent Episodes
Sonja Wallenbeck & Julia Peterson
Tune in as empty-nesting mom, Sonja, and her adulting daughter, Julia, discuss what it takes to have healthy, faithful relationships with your teens all the way into their adult years: sending them into the world to get a job and/or go to college, supporting them in the dating + marriage seasons, respecting them when you disagree with their choices, and thriving in the “dreaded” empty nesting years. Join the conversation as we pick a life moment and talk about why it already matters and how we can take it to the next level with actionable purpose and true joy… even when it’s hard.
Join Sonja and Julia for one last episode about the beginnings and endings of seasons. :) We love you all, thank you for listening in.
I turned 51 the other day, and it was hard. For some reason 50 seemed easier than 51. Today I talk about what I would tell myself I was 25 again. Can you think of what YOU would say if you could go back and talk to your 25 yourself? It's important to think about how God changes us and heals us through the years, and as women we should think of how far God has brought us as we get older. It's good to remember all the amazing lessons you learned along the way as we recognize we're getting older. Join me in the conversation today–what would you tell your 25 year old self?
It's so hard to be on the sidelines when your high schooler is doing all the "lasts" you do as a senior. It's possibly even harder to wait for that first phone call (or even just a text) from your college freshman who you haven't seen in a month. Today I'm asking how you're doing with these changes and listing crucial ways to cheer your child on as they step into adulthood in these next few years.
I know how hard it is to see them in these new transitions, and sometimes it can be difficult to know how to support them without getting in the way of their big year. What do you do when they're having a rough day? Or having a bad attitude about school? Is there a healthy way to help your college kid find what they need at school? Join me as I discuss all these common questions on today's episode and empathize with the mamas that are on the sidelines for these big life moments in their child's life.
“I can’t describe how different he had become in that time when he realized he was different.” Jennifer Ouderkirk joins us today to tell her story of how God transformed her life when she had her son, Brandon, who was born with learning disabilities. She shares the heartbroken experiences God taught her during that time and how she learned to teach Brandon that God doesn't make mistakes. We as moms want to be able to fix the problem, we want to protect our children from difficult things, but we don't always have that choice. We must be able to let go of the control and allow God to give us the grace He gives so freely, but it may just take everything we as moms have.
My 3 son-in-laws join me on today's episode! It was a blast to talk about what mother-in-law stereotypes I fill, how first impressions can be deceiving, and what it's like being a part of a close knit family. Are you a mother-in-law now or getting ready to become one soon? There's so many ways to have a good relationship with your son-in-law or daughter-in-law and here's just a few insights into my past experiences and what my son-in-laws have to say about how I've managed so far.
The fall season is just around the corner and that used to mean "back to school," but now it just means... what? For the empty nester, fall means something different than it meant all those years of school supplies, new clothes, and a new calendar.
What does it mean for the empty nester now and how can we mitigate the depression that might start to creep up as we think of what used to be (or having to say goodbye to our college-age kids)? Sonja discusses some practical tips to make this next season more bearable and even enjoyable!
Sonja travels back in time to when she was in high school and reminisces of the 80s and what it was like going to a small Christian school as a teenager. Between an awful car accident that changed her freshman year of high school to a wonderful youth pastor and his wife who mentored her, we had a lot to discuss today! We hope you're encouraged by our discussion on how you can make a difference–and how every moment really matters in those formative years.
Do you feel absolutely stuck over a decision you're making right now? Everyone has hard decisions to make and oftentimes it feels like you can't win either way, but what if we had a blueprint for making those kinds of decisions with confidence? Today Sonja discusses what we can do on a practical level to use our heart, our head, and our gut in our decision-making process to stop the constant back-and-forth.
There are seasons when you feel like you can't make a difficult decision, and instead of giving you empty promises that "whatever decision you make will be okay", Sonja guides you through a way to make decisions using all 3 of your centers of intelligence.
What's expected of you when your daughter or son is having a baby? When should you help them out and when should you give them their space? All these questions (and more!) run around in your head when you become a grandma. It's a whole different ballgame with a different set of boundaries. We have Ashli Prieskorn, Sonja’s daughter, to help us with this discussion on expectations for the birth and beyond. How do we communicate with our children about THEIR children?
For mothers and daughters (and sons), the engagement and wedding process is a tricky one riddled with highs and lows. JennaLyn Dalton, Sonja's youngest daughter, joins us today to tell her story of how she came to the decision to move up her wedding date by almost 8 whole months and what her relationship with her parents looked like on that journey.
Have your sons or daughters considered long engagements? If so, what are the pros and cons? We dive into the many challenges that come along with deciding when to get married and how to have conversations about it.
Moms, we must be aware of how we treat our adult children! Are we passive aggressive, do we guilt them into doing things we want them to do, do we manipulate and manuever situations to get the outcome we desire? An even better question: how do we know if we're doing this?
Today we talk about what it means to depend on your kids for your happiness and how that feeds into the way you act toward them and love them. It's time to wake up and be the best mom we can be to our adult children.
Good Boundaries and Goodbyes book link
Everything in your bones says that you are on YOUR kid's side when they are having problems with their spouse. Your heart wants to instantly think that it's your daughter- or son-in-law's fault and that your child is the innocent party in whatever marital problems they are having. Today we consider what it looks like to be a supportive and loving parent to a child who is going through marital issues. Everyone goes through difficult seasons, and it's up to you decide how you're going to treat your kids as they walk through life's rough journeys. What is a healthy, Godly way of responding to your child and their spouse?
"We have an army of forgotten moms trying to navigate their changing roles with their adult children... and don’t know where to turn." Do you feel forgotten as a mom of adult children? There were all these resources for moms when you were a mother of little toddlers, but now the help and community seems few and far between. Today we tackle an article written by Pamela Henkelman that gives some amazing advice on how to encourage "the forgotten moms" in the thick of parenting adult children.
When you don't know where to turn, we've got you. Listen in today to hear our take on a wonderfully written article.
The Forgotten Moms Article: https://www.pamelahenkelman.com/blog/f1f5riui0r7al80gdh68wvy1pg3jiw
"It may have seemed disappointing to us at the time–my papa who I saw only a few times a year–shushing us chatty little girls to read a book. But it made me wonder what all the fuss was about? Did it really matter that much, reading the Bible and praying?" Julia gets on the podcast to give a child's perspective on how a parent's relationship with God can impact a child's life whether or not they see it as helpful in the moment. She discusses the importance of having a relationship with the Lord, and how she came to naturally make a habit of reading the Bible through different examples in her life.
I confess I had a fight with Kevin very recently that reminded me of who I used to be and how far God has brought me since then. It's something I want not only all of my listeners to hear, but especially my 3 daughters. God can fill your life with redemptive grace, amen? Today I talk vulnerably about the imperfections that I still face even today, and I do a deep dive into some of my health struggles and what I've been working through for most of my life. There are such hard things that happen, and it's crazy to think about how God brings you through it all.
Do your holidays start and end with your adult kids coming and going? Whether you have kids coming home or it's just the two of you this year, it's important to be intentional with your spouse and enjoy the holidays. Here's what Sonja talks about on today's episode:
- What does empty nesting look like during the Christmas season?
- Conversations you need to have with your spouse before your kids show up
- Making Christmas intentional for the two of you
- Handling possible depression after your kids leave and Christmas is over
When was the last time you listed off what you were thankful for? Did it have an impact on you? I know that some of you are going through difficult, hard things as the holidays begin. I know that it'll take a deep breath just to get through the moments. So today, I'm being vulnerable as I get on the podcast all by myself!
If you're having a dark day or you're struggling as the holidays begin or maybe you're just not in the right mindset yet to really have wonderful Big Moments this season, I hope this episode can encourage and uplift you… to show you that just listing off what you’re thankful for can lead to true joy.
What do you do as an empty nester? How do you keep going with the house so quiet all the time? I (Sonja) share an amazing experience I had just a few weeks ago and how it truly showed me that empty nesting can be a good season of life, too.
In today's episode we talk about what you can do as a mom just gearing up to be an empty nester and how to make it significant when it's happened. God has created you for many purposes and roles in life, all with the same identity: in Christ. It's figuring out what to do with all that extra time (and the quiet house that seems to come with it) that's difficult in the beginning.
I share my experiences and encourage those in this season of empty nesting–or nearing it–that although it's not easy, it's time to decide what you'll do about it!
The most important piece of furniture in your home is (arguably) the family dinner table. Today we talk about when I (Sonja) and Kevin turned off the TV and started eating at the table and how it changed our family relationships–and how it still has an affect today! We argue that cultivating healthy relationships with your kids starts while eating a meal together. We talk about:
- How to start eating at the table with your kids even if you've never done it before (awkwarddd)
- Why it's PIVOTAL in family bonding
- The ways it keeps on giving (even when your kids are out of the house!)
Are you one of those moms that has to make the holidays as wonderful as possible for when your adult kids come home? It can be stressful, and sometimes you can burnout and get to the end of the time and not have enjoyed it at all! I (Sonja) have been there, and since then I've collected 5 tips that are absolute MUSTS at our home now for when "Camp Christmas" begins and our children (and grandchildren) arrive.
If you're ready to tackle the holidays and actually enjoy yourself this year, listen in on today's episode to find out my (Sonja) secret holiday essentials to prepare before my kids even get to my house. Trust me, they make life a whole lot easier!
Too often we find ourselves caring about what other people think of us–and that means we can care too much about my appearance. When I (Sonja) think back to when I first had kids, my "appearance" took way too much time and energy, but I thought people would look down on me if I didn't spend the time dressing up. I share some stories from the past and from more recently of how I've dealt with it all.
-
How much SHOULD we care about our appearance?
-
What is an unhealthy balance and what's a good balance?
-
Is makeup a sin?
-
Do these choices affect our children?
Just a few questions we try to tackle on today's episode of Moments Matter.
Brooke Sheesley, our guest and Sonja's best friend, took her daughter to college after years of raising her as a single mom and today she gets on the podcast to tell us about the experience of dropping her off at college and then coming back a few months later to realize her daughter had grown up, changed, and become someone she had get to know in a new light. Brooke talks about how she had to learn to build different foundations for their relationship.
When her daughter came back home for the summer after her first year, they both had a lot to learn about what their "roles" are now as two adults. Brooke shares these experiences with amazing insight and helpful tips that will encourage other moms going through a similar season right now.
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
As you begin the journey of empty nesting, you may find you can make yourself way too busy or you feel completely paralyzed from doing anything whatsoever. Why is that?
Sonja dives into what her empty nesting process has been, what she could have done differently in the beginning, and how she’s struggling now. Julia gives her some questions to think deeply about where she’s at right now… what IS her purpose now… or is that the question she should be really asking?
- What is the purpose of an empty nester as you take on new roles?
- How to NOT waste your time now that it’s “free” of the responsibility of having kids in your home
- How technology (and scrolling on the phone or watching TV) has really played a large part in Sonja’s struggle
Sonja turned 50! So in honor of her birthday, Julia wanted to get real and raw by asking her 10 questions that she hadn't heard before we started recording. We have some laughs, but we also receive some pearls of wisdom from a woman who has lived through some difficult seasons and come out the other side still trusting in the Lord. Would she change even the worst of circumstances and darkest seasons?
If you want to hear about family vacations, terrible car accidents, and the million different jobs Sonja had growing up in the 80s, tune in on today's episode. Hopefully we can encourage and uplift you today!
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
It's never too early (or too late) to teach your kids the value of money. Whether they're in middle school or they're adults and living on their own, you are an example to your children about what kind of legacy you want to leave when it comes to finances. Today we discuss Sonja and Kevin's early life with very little money, how they modeled the value of money to their kids, and what practical steps they took to show their kids how to handle their own finances. Kevin and Sonja started out with less than nothing–lots of debt!–and turned their lives around to make a better life for their kids. In the process, they taught their young teenage daughters what it is like to pay for the essentials out of their own pocket (but there was a twist there–they actually didn't earn it from chores). We answer questions like whether or not your teenage should get a job, what it looked like for their kids to have their own cars by the end of high school, and what giving generously can add to your life.
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
We all have unhealthy patterns–are we aware of them, though? No one wants to become a bitter old woman later in life, but that's not always the case.
Today, we're talking about the unhealthy patterns and WHY they might be happening... and how to change them. It's not easy to let yourself be more self aware of what might be going on in the day-to-day conflict of life, but it's necessary to flourish and grow and enjoy your life (and have others enjoy you, too!). We dig deeper in the Enneagram and the Harmony Triad–are YOU a head, heart, or gut person? Find out where your unhealthy patterns start (by learning where your reactions start) on today's episode.
Free Guide to the SNAP Tool: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Let's talk about traditional roles in marriage (and how they change in different seasons of marriage). It's a bit of a hot topic, but we should be having conversations about what a husband and wife do on a day-to-day basis to make the house run well. As empty nesters, Sonja and Kevin are reevaluating who does what chores and what roles they have, which made her realize she hasn't ever had a conversation with her girls about what we should do about traditional roles in the home. Here's what we discuss:
-
Why many women get that "tensed up" feeling when anyone mentions "roles" in marriage
-
Why this conversation of marriage roles NEEDS to happen over and over between a husband and wife
-
How Sonja wishes she would have talked about roles in marriage with her girls before they got married
-
How generational expectations can make things awkward in the first few years of marriage
FREE RESOURCE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
You can't force your kids or your teens or even your adult children to love God, but can you teach them and train them how to do love God? Sonja and Julia talk about the practical ways Julia was trained as a child and teenager to love the Lord and to read her Bible.
We are not perfect and we don't know all the answers, but people ask how Sonja and Kevin raised girls that love the Lord and desire to do His will. Each of them were taught to read the Bible and to love what Scripture says, but how? We're going to try to answer that question with 5 ways Julia remembers that Sonja and Kevin trained their daughters in the way they should go.
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
How do I honor my parents as an adult? I have my own life, my own family, my own opinions about what is best... and they have opinions about what is best, too! We're all children of someone, which means that the command in Ephesians 6 is still applicable to us who are over the age of 21 (we'll just go with the age that society acknowledges you are an adult).
We are told in the Bible to honor our father and our mother, but what does that look like for me as an adult who makes my own decisions and doesn't always agree with my parents?
In this episode, we discuss 3 ways we can honor our parents as adults even when we disagree with one another. We even give you an honest and vulnerable peek into our relationship over a specific topic that we disagree on that's happening right now in Sonja's life!
These 3 ways are practical for daily life, and they're critical to obeying the command in Scripture: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” (Ephesians 6:1-3).
When you have kids in the house, it's easy to get sucked into doing all the things–being a wife, mom, and the many jobs that come along with those roles–and to stop growing in Christ because you're too busy. But when this happens and we become empty nesters, we find ourselves at a loss for what our purpose truly is. We've been a mom all our lives, and now that our kids are out of the house, do we really have an identity anymore?
Sonja faced all these questions when her girls left the house and she became an empty nester. She didn't know who she was without her girls, and it was a struggle. If you feel you might be looking for identity in the wrong places and coming up empty, this episode is for you.
Resources:
https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/packages
GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Friendship is hard no matter what age you are. We all want friends, and for a lot of women, it can be hard to find good, Godly friends who encourage you and lift you up. Sonja has gone through multiple "friendship breakups" and has been hurt (and has hurt others) multiple times. We talk about the fact that yes–friends hurt us and we hurt our friends. What do we do then? And what about the seasons of life when we feel alone? Here's what we discuss:
-
The difference between "serving" and "people-pleasing"
-
Do you try to "fit in" or do you truly belong?
-
Tips for being a good friend and finding friends that encourage, uplift, and love you
-
What to do when you feel so alone (and don't have any close friends)
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
I'll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants) by Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston
Find Your People by Jennie Allen
What do we do with our emotions when we take our kids to college? Do you have those feelings of letting your little child (who probably isn't little now) head off to college without you? It could be the first time or the last time, but it's still hard (Sonja knows, she's been there). We talk about how to handle the big emotions that come with this Big Moment and answer these questions:
-
What if I just want it all to be over with already?
-
How do I handle the deep sadness I'm feeling?
-
When is it okay for me to check up on my kid after I leave them in their dorm?
-
Can I cry about all of this?
There are so many questions about this season of life, especially if you're new to it. We want you to rest in knowing that God was there when you brought that little baby home from the hospital, and He is there when you watch them from the rearview mirror on your way out of their college campus.
The Super Mom's Ultimate College Dorm Room Checklist: go to bigmomentmentor.com/checklist
or click this link: https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/checklist
Having Everyday Victory Over Conflict: bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Have you ever disobeyed the Lord's leading? Sonja has, and she talks about specific times in her life when listening to the Lord's voice meant doing the hard thing. She grapples with the idea of "partial obedience" and what that truly means... is it really a thing?
Is God calling you to do something you've been pushing against or have you ignored Him before? Life only gets harder when we start going our own way. Sonja talks about what it looked like her for when she disobeyed, and then when she finally listened to what God was leading her to do (even if it meant moving from the newly renovated home in Michigan to Tennessee, 12 hours away from the home they've had for almost 20 years).
Doing hard things is, well, hard. And it hurts. BUT GOD blesses in obedience.
Julia dated a guy Sonja and Kevin did NOT like (actually two guys, but that's not the point). What do YOU do when your adult child is dating someone you don't like? What if they are married to someone you don't like? We're diving into some of these tough questions today. We discuss:
-
Julia and Sonja's experience with Julia dating someone her parents didn't like
-
How to respond to your adult child when they are dating that person you dislike
- What to do and what NOT to do
- Specific questions you can ask your adult children when they are dating someone you don't like
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Why is it SO hard to ask for help? As women, we're told to be strong and we're told we can do it all... but can we really do it all? Why do we HAVE to do it all? Is that really biblical? Sonja teaches about what happens when you fall into "Survivor Mode," and what that looks like whether you are a head, heart, or gut person.
We talk about vulnerability, asking for help, community, and what being strong REALLY means as a Godly woman.
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory to learn the SNAP tool
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Big Moment Membership:
https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/big-moment-membership
Sonja's Services to Help Other Women: https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/packages
Are strict rules really necessary for dating? What about talking to your kids about sex? What about your adult kids dating? Sonja's 3 daughters, Julia, Ashli Prieskorn, and Jenna Dalton, overtake the podcast today to spill all about what Sonja and Kevin did during their high school years all the way up until all 3 of them them got married. We get to tell some of our horror stories as well as some of our great experiences on the rollercoaster (or really, battle ground!) that is American dating.
I (Julia) remember when my girl friends used to say, "You talk to your dad about your crush?" and I couldn't help but be thankful that I had the kind of relationship with my dad (and my mom) that I had with them growing up. We could ask them anything (not that we always took them up on that offer, though!).
But what did it take for Sonja and Kevin to cultivate healthy relationships between their kid and their kid's significant other where they were involved only as much as they needed to be (they weren't always perfect, and we'll tell you all about it)?
We talk about all the rules, mistakes, and differences between our 3 lives as sisters under the same roof, and what we think of it all now.
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Other Episodes We Talk About Dating in High School:
Episode 19: My Teenager Wants to Date, What Do I Do?
Episode 8: Good Luck With the Teenage Years, Other Self-Fulfilling Prophecies, + Should We Really Leave Our Teens Alone?
It’s so hard to NOT have an opinion when you become a grandparent–and Sonja gets real honest about what a grandparent should really be focusing on (hint: and it ISN'T their own opinion). Have you ever wondered what your role is now that you’re the parent of parents? All grandparents struggle with what to say, when to say it, or if to say it at all when they disagree with their kids’ parenting styles. . So what SHOULD we do as grandparents? We discuss:
- The truth about having an opinion and what to do about it
- Realizing that it’s your kids’ turn to parent
- The best timing to talk about “concerning” issues you see in your kids
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
If Sonja could go back and teach her kids these 3 lessons, she would. They would have had an easier transition from home to college and from college to marriage, and she spills her mistakes on today's episode. If you are still in the teenager stage, you may want to consider teaching these valuable lessons to your kids before they've moved out of the house! Even if they already have moved out though, it's never too late (and we talk about how it's never too late). We all have things we wish we would have done differently, and Sonja is certainly a human who makes mistakes (and she's ready to admit them to you in hopes you don't make the same ones).
It’s time we change the stereotype of being “the annoying mother-in-law.” We all want to be loved by your kids' spouses and have good relationships with them, but it can get super tense when your adult children get married to someone you just don’t know that well. What can we do to relieve that tension and grow healthy relationships? We as Godly mother-in-laws need to be encouraging instead of feeding into or creating drama that might arise between your child’s spouse and you.
Let’s be mother-in-laws that LOVE their daughter- and son-in-laws (and be mother-in-laws that they truly love, too)! But how do we do it when relationships are hard? Sonja and Julia dive into their personal experiences around both being a mother-in-law and having a mother-in-law. Sonja gives 4 biblical tips to be the mother-in-law your kids love instead of being the mother-in-law they roll their eyes over behind your back.
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
“My kid wants to date. What do I do now?” The classic panic attack we probably all feel or have felt as parents. A lot of times it happens earlier than we expect! Sonja had 3 daughters who ALL dated in high school, and she has a lot of experience… things that worked really well (and things that didn’t). Julia sprinkles her opinions in there, too. Here’s what we discuss:
- The 3 different kinds of dating you can choose for YOUR teen
- To date or not to date? What Sonja and Kevin decided for their girls
- Boundaries? Why are those even necessary?... they're just kids, right?
- Teenage Julia's take on some boundaries she had + what she would say about them now
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
“Older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children…” Titus 2:4. Should WE be mentoring in the 21st century? What is a mentor and why are we commanded to mentor others? You might be asking yourself, “Wait, I’m not old enough or good enough to be a mentor, right?” Hm… Sonja and Julia talk about 4 myths that they’ve heard other women say about why they don’t mentor or don’t have a mentor (and some we’ve said ourselves and had to learn that they were lies!). We discuss:
- How old do you have to be to be a mentor?
- 4 lies about mentorship that just aren’t true
- Ways to be a mentor to other women
- Why mentorship is important in every woman’s life
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Resolved to divorce, both Sonja and Kevin head to a church harvest party. We left you on that heavy cliffhanger last week, and in this episode, we’ll not only be telling the rest of the story, but we’ll also be explaining what it’s like to tell your adult kids about your sinful past and how God's glory can shine through it all. We discuss:
❤️ How Sonja and Kevin’s broken marriage healed
💔 How they told their adult kids about their sinful past
❣️The hardest thing Kevin’s ever had to do
❤️🩹 Faithfulness vs. perfection in parenting
We have our very first guest on Moments Matter today! And who other than Kevin Wallenbeck, Sonja’s husband and Julia’s dad? Sonja has been able to tell a lot of their background from her perspective, but we thought it would be insightful to our listeners (and hopefully encouraging) to hear Kevin’s perspective, as well. So we interview him about what their early marriage really looked like. We discuss:
- Kevin’s humble beginnings
- Sonja’s dad’s answer to, “Can I marry your daughter?” when Kevin asked
- The imperfections of their early marriage
- Disagreeing in front of your kids and what NOT to do
- The Closet Hideaway story
- The moment it all came to an ugly head
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
On average, 720 people will search “recovering from emotionally immature parents” on Google monthly. What does this mean? Adult children want healthy relationships with emotionally healthy parents. It certainly made us reflect on what parents can be doing to ensure they aren’t emotionally immature! We discuss:
- What defines emotionally immature parents
- Sonja’s story of emotional immaturity as a mom (and as a woman)
- The journey that Godly maturity truly is
- Are you taking responsibility for your own maturity as a parent?
- Defining maturity (responding vs. reacting)
- Steps to becoming more aware of your level of emotional maturity
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
There’s a lot of emotions surrounding graduation. It’s an exciting time for your kid, but it’s an exhausting (and sad!) time for you. You want to be there and make everyone else happy, and all the while you're stressed and sometimes you can even be sad. There's so much going on–planning a grad party is hard work! Sonja has hosted 3 large high school grad parties and a smaller college grad party as well, and she's got tips! So hang on tight as we talk about:
- Super practical tips for high school graduation parties
- Are you "just surviving" this season instead of thriving? How do you know?
- Sonja's biggest tip to enjoying the time (and all the emotions that come along with it)
- How your relationship with your child will change and grow through this time
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
“Mother Yourself Out of a Job” is a wonderful article written by Michele Morin. Both Sonja and Julia agree that what she has to say is valuable for empty nesters (or those nearing that season). We summarize the article, talk about what we agreed with, and we discuss some statements she made that we ultimately don’t come to the same conclusion when parenting adult kids.
Due to a difficult situation that we are in at that moment, we admit our heightened emotions surrounding a particular statement and why the two of us disagreed with a part of the article (we talk about what’s going on in our lives and why it’s been hard recently!). We discuss:
- Julia's sweet, surprise message to her mom and all the moms out there (for Mother's Day!)
- The danger of idolizing your kids (and the way that Michele Morin talks about it)
- Sonja’s experience being a helicopter parent vs being a parent who is involved
- What we should be doing as parents as we move toward empty nesting
- Sonja and Julia talk about the personal conflict going on between them right now and what it has to do with this article
Resources:
“Mother Yourself Out of a Job: Nurturing Children Toward Independence” by Michele Morin Article Link: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/mother-yourself-out-of-a-job
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Let's talk teens and technology. On this bonus episode, we're going to be talking about what Sonja did, what she wishes she had done, what she could have done better when it came to her 3 teenage daughters and their phones/laptops/tv. We talk about:
-
What boundaries Sonja and Kevin put in place (and what she wished she would have put in place)
-
Steps to protect your teen's purity in this world that is vying for their attention at such a vulnerable age
-
Phone calls/private messaging with the opposite gender (and why this is SO STINKIN' IMPORTANT!)
-
Is it breaking your teen's privacy if you are aware and look at what's on their phone?
Resources:
FREE GUIDE: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory
Or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Today we dive into how the Enneagram has personally affected both Sonja and Julia on our spiritual walks with the Lord. This tool has changed our lives and shown us sins we never realized we were struggling with. In this episode we talk about:
- How the Enneagram can help us become aware of the "why" behind our actions (good and bad)
- What sin struggles Sonja has had as an Enneagram 8
- What sin struggles Julia has had as an Enneagram 4
- How the Enneagram helped them see their sins and how it helps them in their daily life to change those patterns
Resources:
Get our Enneagram Beginner's Guide for free: https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/enneagram
Victory Guide: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
What is the difference between helping your kids and enabling them? We give examples from Julia’s childhood all the way into adulthood and how Sonja and Kevin learned to bless their kids well through each stage of high school, college, and adult life. Blessing your kids can be moments filled with joy and wonder, but how do you do bless them well in whatever stage your kids are enabling them and/or stunting their growth? We answer that question in today’s episode!
Also, we have a question for YOU in this episode and we’d love to hear your thoughts–so please share your answer to the question we pose. Just go to Instagram at @bigmomentmentor and comment under the episode 11 post!
Resources:
Free Guide: go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory for your free guide or click on this link: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Sonja and Julia's relationship pretty much sucked during Julia’s engagement. Listen to part 2 of the Wedding Planning Process, where we get real honest today as we discuss how bad our relationship got for a while there. In Part 2 of the "Mom's Role in Her Child's Wedding," we talk a LOT about why it's important to know yourself and try to understand each of your adult children in the way THEY need it, not in the way it worked for one of their other siblings. We dive deep into:
- Sonja's youngest daughter's wedding story and how it was SO different from the other two daughters' weddings
- Why it's crucial to listen to your adult children during their engagement
- Things may be different than you expected, how do you handle that?
- The reality of differences and what we learned from one daughter to the next
- What we wish we would have done differently (get ready to get real: Sonja offers an apology Julia has never heard before!)
Resources:
Go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory for your free guide: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
There is so much STRESS involved in wedding planning, and it often revolves around relationships, finances, and… uh, well, relationships. We dive into some pretty vulnerable conversations about how Sonja handled all three of her daughters’ weddings and some practical ideas on what to do throughout the process (as the mother of the bride or groom). We cover:
- How Sonja and Kevin budgeted for each wedding and why it’s important to establish finances at the beginning of the planning process
- What expectations to talk through with your son or daughter when planning their wedding
- One thing Sonja did for each of her daughters that made their big day SO MUCH more special!
- The ugliness between Sonja and her daughters and how weddings can often expose your faults (and how to stop that from happening or possibly avoid it altogether!)
Resources:
Go to bigmomentmentor.com/victory for your free guide: Everyday Victory Over Conflict: 4 Steps for a Powerful Pivot from Surviving to Thriving
Let’s not resign ourselves to the mindset that just because they are teenagers means they are automatically going to be awful for the next 6 years of your life. Sonja gets a little heated on today's episode as she argues that we can ENJOY the teenage years and how much your parenting matters not only in the moment, but for their future as adults! It just takes work (like all satisfying practices in life, btw). Sonja and Julia discuss these topics:
-
The reality is: if you say and think it'll be terrible, it certainly will be terrible
-
Mindset changes we can all make to love our teenagers in the BEST way
-
Practical steps Sonja and her husband, Kevin, took to communicate with their moody teenagers and how it will affect their kids for the rest of their adult life (Julia is thanking her mom and dad for these things even now, at 23 years old!)
-
How we can reflect our heavenly Father in our parenting when it comes to teenagers wanting to "be alone"
Is it really worth all the hassle of trying to vacation with your adult kids? Realistically, what does planning look like and how can you make it as SMOOTH as possible without as much tension, conflict, or drama? On this episode we discuss:
- The best practical conversations to have BEFORE you plan a vacay with your adult kids
- Why expectations should always be communicated and what expectations to set
-
What Sonja would say to the grandmas and grandpas planning a trip with their kids AND grandkids
-
1 tip for vacationing with your adult kids
Resources:
How to Cultivate a Healthy Relationship with Your Adult Kids : bigmomentmentor.com/health-relationship-with-your-adult-kids
Big Moment Membership : bigmomentmentor.com/big-moment-membership
Remember how the Enneagram was a fad, like, last year? Well to be completely honest, the Enneagram has been around for a lot longer than 2021... or 2020 (should I even mention that year out loud 🥴?). So what are the facts? As Christian women, dare we even CARE about the Enneagram? Are we fools to use the Enneagram even now, after all the stereotypes put out on the internet? (PSA: the internet is ALL about the stereotypes and behaviors and not what the Enneagram is really about!) On today's episode, we answer these questions (and more!) and talk about how the Enneagram has changed our marriages, our relationship with each other, and our spiritual and emotional growth. We cover:
-
What's so different about the Enneagram vs. other personality tests?
-
How should we use it as Christians?
-
How is helps us understand our relationships with family
-
Motivations vs. Behaviors (and why that matters!)
Resources: Christian Woman's Guide to the Enneagram : bigmomentmentor.com/enneagram
CAN you find joy when your kids leave home and live far away? On today's episode, Sonja and Julia dive into how to handle all of the hard emotions of your kids living far away from (and practical ways to find joy in it all). Living far away from your kids is NOT easy, but there is hope to find joy in this season of life. Tune in to hear:
- What it was like for Sonja to help move her daughter 12 hours away
- Different children bring different emotions to the surface
- Where your true identity lies
- 4 practical ways to find joy even when it's really hard
Guide to Cultivating a Healthy Relationship with Your Kids : https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/healthy-relationships-with-your-kids
Big Moment Membership: bigmomentmentor.com/big-moment-membership
We are so thankful you are taking the time out of your day to listen in to the Moments Matter Podcast! We hope that if you resonate with what we chat about that you would join in on the conversation, leave a rating/review here (scroll to the bottom), and share it with your friends that have been through similar situations.
We want everyone to know that no one is alone in the chaos of this hard and beautiful life!
What is Empty Nest Syndrome and what should we do about it? Sonja’s been through it all–the sadness, fear, and guilt–and she’s ready to talk about what to do to lessen some of those difficult emotions as you look down the road to empty nesting or even if you’re already in the empty nesting years! Tune in to hear:
- The common signs of Empty Nest Syndrome
- How do your kids feel about leaving the house?
- Is the anticipation worse than the actual goodbye?
- Looking for God's purpose in it all
If Sonja could go back and start the process of empty nesting all over again, THIS is what she would tell herself.
Guide to Cultivating a Healthy Relationship with Your Kids : https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/healthy-relationships-with-your-kids
Big Moment Membership : bigmomentmentor.com/big-moment-membership
What do we do when we don’t agree with our adult children’s choices? Is there really a way to let them know we disagree without it ending in a huge conflict? We think there is!
Listen in as we cover:
- The differences in response between the high school, college, and adulting stage
- Practical, respectful ways to communicate that you disagree with their decision/behavior
- What it's like when they go ahead with their decision anyway
Free, Simple Guide to a Healthy Relationship With Your Kids : https://www.bigmomentmentor.com/healthy-relationships-with-your-kids (whether they are teens or adults!)
Big Moment Membership Details : bigmomentmentor.com/big-moment-membership
What is the difference between reacting and responding? What does it have to do with being a mature woman of God? Join mom and daughter as they tie up a lot of Sonja's crazy hot mess (i.e. her journey) and what God taught her along the way about her immaturity and where He's still taking her today.
Links We Promised:
Big Moment Membership
Guide to Having Everyday Victor Over Conflict (responding vs. reacting)
Welcome to the Moments Matter Podcast! Thank you for joining us in this first episode, where you will hear Sonja's personal journey of how God brought her through a lot of difficult situations throughout her lifetime and what she's learned from her mistakes and experiences.
Join us as we discuss the following:
- Sonja's salvation testimony
- How she dealt with attempted assault
- What happened between her and her husband, Kevin
- Financial difficulties
- How God took care of her through all of it
*Trigger warning: in this episode we mention attempted assault, marital issues, and suicidal thoughts.
We are so thankful you are taking the time out of your day to listen in to hear Sonja's story! We hope that if you resonate with what we chat about that you would join in on the conversation, leave a review, and share it with your friends that have been through things like this before. We want everyone to know that you are not alone in mistakes, painful experiences, and life lessons.
In this space, everyone is invited to chat with mom and daughter as we dive deep into God-honoring, refreshing, and eye-opening conversations about having healthy relationships with your kids as they grow from teenagers to adults... even when it's hard!
Listen in as we chat about the mistakes and wins of life moments from the unique perspective of both empty-nesting mom, Sonja Wallenbeck, and her married, adulting daughter, Julia. We'll cover everything from how to handle the emotional turmoil of watching your teenager get in the driver's seat for the first time, to making every moment an opportunity to cultivate healthy and thriving communication between you and your adult children (*spoiler alert: it starts now!).
So grab a cozy blanket and a cup of coffee and join us as we navigate building relationships with moms and their kids by making every moment matter, together! This is the Moments Matter Podcast.