Embrace the Mud: Recent Episodes
Dara Poznar
The Embrace the Mud podcast is an educational, encouraging and playful podcast for busy professionals with little time who are struggling to decide whether their relationships are working or not, and if not, how to make them better or know when to quit. Join Recovering Relational Disaster and Coach, Dara Poznar, in exploring how you can master the mindset and skills necessary to get beyond the common roadblocks and obstacles that keep you from creating the secure and JOYFUL relationship you long to have.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we explore the profound relationship between love and freedom. Discover how true love flourishes in the light of inner freedom, and learn practical steps to cultivate relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and support. Join us as we uncover the essence of love in its purest form and inspire you to create connections that enrich your life and the lives of those around you.
Work with Dara!
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Are you wondering if your relationship expectations are realistic? In this episode, we explore five hard truths about long-term love and provide practical tips to help you set healthier expectations. From understanding the natural ebb and flow of passion to recognizing the importance of personal growth, this episode is designed to help you navigate your relationship with a more grounded mindset.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we explore what it really means to work on a relationship. We discuss common misconceptions and outline the true nature of relationship work, from maintaining curiosity and effective communication to creating safety and reconnecting after conflicts. Listen along as we offer practical insights and tips for building a healthy, fulfilling partnership.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we explore the complex decision of whether to get back together with an ex. We discuss how to evaluate your motives, recognize genuine changes, and determine if rekindling the relationship is the right choice. Work with Dara!
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on Embrace the Mud, we take a look at the complexities of compatibility in relationships. We explore the fixed and fluid aspects of compatibility, offering insights on how to grow and adapt together. Join us as we discuss the importance of embracing differences, managing unresolvable conflicts with love, and fostering mutual understanding for a harmonious relationship.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we explore the challenging task of distinguishing between trust issues and intuition in relationships. Learn how to tell if your worries are rooted in past insecurities or if your intuition is trying to guide you. We’ll discuss the importance of self-trust, the origins of trust issues, and practical tips for listening to your inner voice.Visit MudCoaching.com
Get the No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on Embrace the Mud, we dive into the challenges of perfectionism in relationships. We'll discuss the impacts of striving for perfection, explore the root causes, and offer tips to embrace imperfection. If you're ready to move past perfectionist tendencies and build a stronger, more loving relationship, this episode is for you.Learn about working with Dara
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on Embrace the Mud, we tackle the tricky dynamics of blame in relationships. If you often find yourself thinking that your relationship would improve if only your partner would change, this episode is for you. We discuss why blame is disempowering and keeps couples stuck, and how shifting towards accountability can transform your relationship.
Work with Dara!
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on Embrace the Mud, we explore Relationship OCD, a condition that can make romantic relationships feel like an emotional rollercoaster. We’ll discuss how to distinguish ROCD from general relationship anxiety, understand its root causes, and share tips to help you manage these intrusive thoughts and build a more secure relationship.
Work with Dara!
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on Embrace the Mud, we are addressing unhealthy patterns in romantic relationships, particularly those rooted in insecure attachment styles. Learn about the different attachment styles, how they affect your relationships, and discover tips for moving towards a more secure attachment. Work With Dara!
Today on Embrace the Mud, we are diving into the delicate balance between needs and boundaries in relationships. We explore why it's crucial to understand and respect both, and offer practical tips for navigating situations.
MudCoaching
Today on Embrace the Mud, we're diving into the world of assertive communication in relationships. Do you find yourself constantly justifying or explaining your feelings, needs, or boundaries? Together we uncover the roots of this behavior and learn how to communicate with confidence and conviction, honoring our own truth while fostering healthier connections with others.
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on Embrace the Mud, we dive into the intricate dynamics of projection in relationships. Join us as we explore the signs of projection, its impact on romantic connections, and practical strategies for cultivating self-awareness and fostering healthier partnerships.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we're diving into the dynamics of over-functioning in relationships. If you're the partner who tends to take on more than your fair share, feeling overwhelmed or out of balance, this episode offers insights and strategies to cultivate healthier, more equitable connections.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we're diving into the raw reality of relationships during tough times. Inspired by a recent tragedy in my social circle, we explore how unpredictable life can be and the importance of cherishing our loved ones amidst challenges.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we dive into the intricacies of navigating your needs in relationships, addressing the common fear of being perceived as "too needy." We explore the importance of understanding, validating, and effectively communicating our needs, empowering us to cultivate healthier and more fulfilling connections with ourselves and others.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we examine the challenging terrain of power struggles in relationships. Join us as we explore how to break free from this cycle of conflict and create a more harmonious partnership where both partners feel valued and respected.
Today on Embrace the Mud, discover how to transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and connection in your relationship. Explore proven strategies for handling disagreements with respect and empathy, and learn how to cultivate a deeper understanding and appreciation for your partner's perspective.
Today on Embrace the Mud, discover how to reclaim your power in relationships and assert your needs with confidence. Explore practical strategies for fostering mutual respect and cooperation, and learn how to cultivate a partnership where both partners feel valued and empowered.
Today on Embrace the Mud we explore the profound influence of belief on our romantic lives and discover how shifting our perspectives and challenging negative beliefs can lead to greater love and fulfillment.
Today on Embrace the Mud we talk about the courage it takes to let go of a relationship that no longer serves you and embrace the freedom that comes with surrendering to reality. Learn how to honor your own needs and well-being while navigating the process of saying goodbye and welcoming new beginnings with open arms.
Today on Embrace the Mud we explore the challenges of being in a relationship with an emotionally immature partner and learn strategies for fostering understanding, communication, and emotional growth.
Today on Embrace the Mud we explore the journey from people-pleasing tendencies to healthy boundaries and authentic self-expression in romantic relationships. Learn how to set boundaries with love and compassion, find the balance between self-love and compassion for others, and navigate the pendulum swing from permissiveness to intolerance.
Today on the Embrace the Mud we explore how to address loneliness and emotional disconnection with open communication, vulnerability, and mutual understanding, paving the way for deeper connection and fulfillment.
Today on Embrace the Mud we address a common relationship issue: conflicting needs. We highlight some common examples of conflicting needs and shed light on how best to handle these differences with your partner.
Today on Embrace the Mud we address the issue of having a critical and controlling partner. We talk about the root causes of critical and controlling behavior and offer guidance on what to do if you find yourself in this situation.
Today on Embrace the Mud we explore the common pitfall of leading with fear in relationships. We review 10 questions to ask yourself to determine if you lead with fear and then we shed light on what it takes to lead with love instead.
Today on Embrace the Mud, we are exploring the tricky world of expectations in relationships. We examine 3 categories of expectations and talk about how to mindfully manage your them to maximize the potential for the mutual fulfillment of your emotional needs.
Today on Embrace the Mud we talk about the importance of allowing your partner to have their own emotional experience. Creating space for authentic experience and individual needs is essential for creating stability, balance and emotional safety. We will talk about why some of us struggle to allow others to have their own feelings and what we can do to help ourselves through that.
Today on Embrace the Mud we are talking about what it's like to have your act together in life, except when it comes to relationships. We discuss why some of us find ourselves in this situation and what we can do to thrive professionally and relationally. Who says you can't have it all?
Today on Embrace the Mud, we are accepting our final challenge of the Love Boost Challenge, and that is to commit to cultivating a healthy and self-loving inner connection which is the foundation of happy, joyful, life-giving relationships with others.
Today on Embrace the Mud we are pausing to reflect, notice, acknowledge and celebrate the work you've been putting in all month long to deepen your most cherished bonds.
Today on Embrace the Mud we talk about an undervalued aspect of relationships that is actually a major stronghold, and that is purpose. Why is purpose important and how you can establish a purpose for your relationship? This is what we are getting into on Day 27 of the Love Boost Challenge.
Today on Embrace the Mud we review the Love Boost Challenges from days 22-25 and reveal today's challenge, Day 26, which is to perform an Act of Service either toward yourself or toward someone that you love.
In today's episode of Embrace the Mud, the challenge is to prioritize self-care. We talk about how being consistent about self-care strengthens your connection to yourself and others. Being attuned to your own needs and prioritizing them models to others that your needs matter and teaches them how to meet them.
In today's episode of Embrace the Mud we talk about the importance of having structure in your relationship for the building and maintaining of a solid foundation. I share 3 ways you can create more structure in your relationship both with yourself and someone you love.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we run through days 9-19 of the Love Boost Challenge & I share why I disappeared for over a week when my goal and promise was to do an episode close to every day for the duration of the challenge.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we explore the importance of having fun dates in relationships to enjoy and connect over novel experiences and shared interests. We also touch on the essential gift we all need to be able to offer in relationships—Acceptance.
On today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we are diving into the elements of mindful, or active, listening and I'm sharing the "secret sauce" of what makes someone a truly great listener.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we explore 2 vital aspects of flourishing relationships: boundaries and creativity. Join me as I share my 3-step strategy for setting healthy boundaries and share ideas for creatively designing your dream relationship.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we talk about the importance of affirming what's true about our beliefs, our worth and feelings in order boost connection with ourselves and the ones that we love. Today's challenge is all about bravely declaring the truth.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are harnessing the transformative power of gratitude in our lives and relationships. We're doing more than just thinking about what we appreciate, we're deeply feeling it, too. Whether you are nurturing a bond with someone you love, the bond you have with yourself, or preparing for a beautiful future connection, I will share how gratitude can work wonders in your life with today's challenge.
In today's episode of The Embrace the Mud Podcast I issue a challenge to self-reflect. Whether you are coupled or single, today's challenge is an invitation to get clear and focused on what really matters. Where focus goes, energy flows. Shifting our focus to what we want, or what we want more of, is a powerful way of infusing our relationships with what brings us alive.
Today we're kicking off the exciting Love Boost Challenge starting February 1st! Whether you're single and seeking a change in your dating life or in a relationship looking to strengthen your connection, this month-long journey offers daily exercises, tips, and insights. Follow @embracethemud on Instagram for daily posts, and tune in here for in-depth discussions on each day's challenge. Get ready to embrace love and growth in your relationships!
In today's episode of Embrace the Mud, we explore how taking ownership of our needs and desires is the key to breaking free from the cycle of resentment. Discover practical tips for navigating this challenging but transformative journey toward self-responsibility and healing.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we explored the critical issue of emotional unavailability in relationships. We discuss how it can create barriers to honesty and openness, hindering the development of true intimacy and connection. We reflect on signs and root causes, and identify steps towards becoming emotional available.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we uncover the signs that you might not be fully relationship ready, explore the role of emotional maturity, and learn how to create a safe space for emotional growth. If you've ever wondered about navigating emotional storms in your relationship, this episode provides valuable insights and practical guidance.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we explore the transformative power of personal change in relationships. We recognize the futility of waiting for a partner to change and highlight the profound impact individuals can have on relationship dynamics by focusing on self-improvement. Discover the key steps to break negative patterns and create lasting positive change in your relationship.
In today's episode on Embrace the Mud, we are talking about the core difference between empathy and codependency in relationships, how to navigate the fine line between them, and how your relationships are impacted if you aren't able to distinguish between them.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we challenge the romanticized notion of promising to stay together "no matter what." Discover why unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional commitment and explore the power of setting healthy conditions for a thriving, mutually respectful relationship.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud we explore the profound impact of expectations in relationships. Should you have expectations? How do you know if an expectation is reasonable? Discover the power of consciously managed expectations and their potential to either elevate or disrupt connections.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we discuss the importance of getting clear on what you need from a partner and a relationship. We reflect on the key questions to ask yourself to gain the clarity you need to eliminate doubt and confidently rest into your romantic partnership.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we are talking about a foundational pillar of all successful relationships – effective communication. Discover the key elements of good communication, assess your own skills, and commit to becoming a master communicator.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we look into the intricate world of trauma bonds—what they are, how they form, and why they can be so challenging to break.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we uncover the transformative power of clear standards in relationships. Learn how establishing and upholding standards rooted in self-love not only shapes healthy connections but also becomes a guiding compass for your relational journey.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we unravel the keys to personal empowerment in relationships – Priorities + Principles. Discover the compass and guidelines that cultivate strength and authenticity, empowering you to navigate the intricate terrain of connections. Reflect on your own priorities and principles as we delve into the essence of creating nourishing and fulfilling relationships.
In this follow-up episode of Embrace the Mud, we delve deeper into the complexities of feeling unimportant in a relationship, exploring the choices that arise when communication doesn't lead to change. Navigate the path of accepting love as it is, assessing its sufficiency, and the empowering decision to either grieve and let go or consider a new chapter.
In this episode of Embrace the Mud, we delve into the heart of relationships, exploring the challenging experience of not feeling like a priority to your partner. Acknowledging the pain and impact of this experience, we navigate through the importance of recognizing one's worth, breaking the silence through open communication, and fostering vulnerability for authentic connection.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we delve into the art of nurturing connection amidst conflict. Discover the transformative power of empathy, humility, and patience as we explore why the way we handle each other during tough times matters more than finding solutions.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we dispel the myth that one must be fully healed to have a healthy relationship. Delve into the nuances of being "healed enough," where emotional maturity takes precedence over perfection. Learn to identify signs of emotional immaturity and gain practical tips for fostering a thriving relationship while on your ongoing healing journey.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we address the silent struggle of relationship ambivalence. Dive into the pain and challenges that arise when you're uncertain about staying or leaving. Gain insights on the importance of making a choice for the benefit of all involved and discover the path to clarity and growth in the midst of confusion.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we shed light on the true purpose of boundaries – not control, but love, freedom, and protection. Learn to recognize when boundaries are done wrong, understand the transformative power of healthy boundaries, and gain practical tips for setting them in a way that preserves both you and your relationships.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we shed light on the common pitfalls hindering emotional needs in relationships. Discover the two mistakes many make and learn the transformative power of clear communication and personal responsibility in fostering fulfilling connections.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud podcast, we explore how self-discovery serves as a compass for both singles and those in relationships, guiding them to make informed choices and deepen intimacy.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, I share some valuable insights into the strengths that underpin thriving relationships. My goal is to help you enter 2024 with clarity about how you can cultivate healthy, joyful, life-giving relationships throughout this next year and beyond.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we explore the vital link between life quality and relationship health. You are invited to reflect on 4 questions that will serve as a compass, guiding you to deeper insights about where you stand and where you wish to go in your relational journey.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we uncover the magic of individual coaching and how it can be the key to unlocking profound improvements in your relational life. Strengthen your self-esteem, become a stellar partner, and navigate the intricacies of love. Two possible outcomes, one guarantee—find out if your relationship can truly evolve.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we learn to distinguish between relational and personal problems and discover the power of navigating this muddy terrain with wisdom. My goal is to help you discern what's really at the root of your relationship struggles so you can get the right support for your relationship.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we navigate the complexities of accusations, self-reflection, and understanding the dynamics of control in relationships. Discover the power of distinguishing fact from fiction and learn to make healthier choices.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we explore why avoiding conflict doesn't lead to true intimacy and the consequences it carries. Learn practical tips for overcoming the tendency to steer clear of discomfort and how to set a higher standard for the intimacy you deserve. My goal is to encourage you to embrace the real, messy, and beautiful aspects of connection.
On today's episode on the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we unpack the insidious tactics of emotional abuse and delve into DARVO – Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Using a real-life scenario, we explore how abusers manipulate situations to avoid accountability. Discover practical tips on responding to DARVO, setting healthy boundaries, and recognizing when change is possible. Most importantly, understand that you are not at fault and deserve a relationship built on respect and trust. Join in on an empowering conversation on recognizing and overcoming emotional abuse.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we tackle the challenging territory of being broken up with. Discover how to honor yourself, express your feelings without begging, and maintain your dignity. Learn why you deserve to be fully chosen and how to navigate the healing process with resilience. Join us for a brief but honest and encouraging conversation on thriving through rejection and choosing self-love."
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we explore the crucial topic of walking on eggshells in relationships. My goal is to encourage you to prioritize your safety, express yourself authentically, and set boundaries that foster healthy connections.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we are exploring what it's like being someone's maybe. What do you do when someone you want isn't sure they want to be with you? I share my thoughts about navigating this difficult situation.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we are talking about how to have those tricky conversations with your partner about what's making you unhappy. I share tips for preparing for these conversations and how to approach your partner and express yourself in a way that invites them to positively respond to your feelings and desires.
Being uncertain about whether your relationship is good enough or not is painful and frustrating. In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we talk about different reasons why you end up confused about whether you are settling, some signs that you definitely are settling, and what to do if you realize you are settling in your relationship.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we are recognizing the struggles that those of us healing from childhood trauma and CPTSD often have in navigating romantic partnerships. My goal is to encourage and inspire you to pursue healing and have hope and faith in your ability to create and enjoy healthy, joyful, life-giving relationships no matter what you've been through in the past.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are talking about signs of self-betrayal in relationships, why self-betrayal happens and how to stop doing it. My goal is to empower you to break free from self-betrayal and remember that your relationship should be a partnership, not a sacrifice.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we are talking about how having a healthy relationship with yourself is the foundation for a thriving romantic partnership. By emphasizing the importance of being your own best friend, practicing self-compassion and prioritizing self-care, the goal is to encourage and inspire you to improve your romantic relationship by focusing on the relationship you have with yourself first.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud podcast, we're exploring the path to becoming more self-loving and how it plays a pivotal role in creating healthy relationships. By emphasizing the three pillars of self-love, along with the importance of allowing oneself to be loved by others, my goal is to empower you to embark on your own journey of self-love and build more meaningful and fulfilling connections.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we're delving into the significant impact of repeatedly threatening the relationship in the context of building secure, thriving connections. By recognizing the destructive nature of this behavior and fostering open communication and professional support, my goal is to empower you to create relationships rooted in trust, security, and love.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we explore the belief that you cannot live without someone and why it can be detrimental to your well-being and relationships. By emphasizing the importance of self-love, healthy boundaries, and the balance between loving someone and loving oneself, my goal is to empower you to create thriving and fulfilling relationships based on self-respect and mutual respect.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we're debunking the myth that you must love yourself before entering into a relationship while highlighting the importance of self-love in fostering healthy connections. By emphasizing the role of self-love in setting standards, boundaries, and nurturing emotional maturity, my hope is to empower you to cultivate self-love and create more meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we're exploring the possibility of healing a toxic relationship, emphasizing the importance of mutual effort, fairness, and justice in the process. In listening along, the hope is that you'll be encouraged to consider the potential for transformation and growth within your own relationship.
Dr. Stan Tatkin
In this podcast episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, we're focusing on four questions that can harm relationships and providing alternatives that foster healthy communication. My goal is to empower you to choose your words wisely and cultivate an atmosphere of understanding and respect within your relationship.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast, I aim to turn the idea of relationship struggles upside down, showing you that challenges can actually be exciting opportunities for personal growth. The goal is to encourage a shift in perspective, inspire resilience, and motivate you to embrace life's ups and downs with open arms and a sense of adventure.No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast I am sharing the four attributes that can take your relationship from ordinary to extraordinary. By weaving these four attributes into the fabric of your relationship, you will create a safe, nurturing and intimate environment where an extraordinary bond can take root and flourish.
No More Unmet Needs Workbook
Safety during conflict is essential for a thriving relationship. Are you able to show up in difficult moments and conversations in a way that feel (mostly) non-threatening to your partner? Today I share 6 signs that you are a safe person in conflict and therefore someone another person can be fully expressed, authentic and vulnerable with.
Boundary setting in relationships is a struggle for so many. Yet, it’s an essential practice if your goal is to cultivate a healthy, joyful, life-giving relationship. In today's episode I share tips for setting boundaries in a way that feels deeply honoring of yourself, your partner and your relationship, hopefully making boundary setting feel less daunting and more accessible.
There are times in every relationship when the space between you just feels negative and inhospitable and your attempts to talk and work your way through it result in fights which only feed the negativity and disconnect. So what do you do to reconnect and find harmony again? Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast I am sharing the 4 A's that can help restore a sense of goodwill and connection when the vibe is painfully off between you and the one you love.
Every relationship has conflict, but did you know there are two kinds of conflict: solvable and unsolvable. Unsolvable conflicts are actually more dominant making up about 69% of relational conflict. Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast I am sharing tips for managing these unsolvable conflicts successfully so that they do not stand in your way of connection and happiness in your relationship.
In today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast I share the seven basic needs of a healthy relationship through the acronym S.T.A.R.V.E.D. This is the brainchild of author and coach Matt Townsend who wrote the book Starved Stuff. Knowing these 7 relationship needs can help you identify specifically how your relationship needs to be nourished and fed if it is feeling starved.
STARVED quiz
Disagreements, disappointments, and misunderstandings will happen in your relationships— it's inevitable. So how can you fight with high regard for each other and your relationship? In today's episode, I share 3 tips to help you fight fair and maybe even draw closer to your partner through conflict.
NSO (Negative Sentiment Override) is a destructive pattern that can sneak up on you and emerge in your relationships, causing a major breakdown in trust and emotional connection. What is it and how do you avoid it? These are the questions I am answering for you today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
"Relationships are difficult"— we hear this all the time. Is it true? Are all relationships difficult? Can relationships ever be easy? These are the questions we are addressing in today's episode of the Embrace the Mud podcast.
In this last episode of the series Real Relationship Wisdom, I share one final golden nuggets of wisdom from Terry Real which is the idea that Love Demands Democracy. So what stands in the way of two people successfully co-governing their relationship? It has to do with something Terry calls your relational stance. In this episode I describe what the 4 stances are, help you to identify which one is yours, and talk about what knowing your stance means for you and how it can help you create intimacy and connection in your relationship.
Terry Real's Relational Stance Quiz
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast I am continuing to share golden nuggets of wisdom from Terry Real and the topic for today is the 5 Losing Strategies. What are the 5 losing strategies, where do these behaviors come from, how do they impact our adult relationships, and what can you do to stop defaulting to them? These are the questions I will be answering in this episode.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are looking at a concept I learned from Dr. Terry Real called Relational Integrity. What is relational integrity? How do practice it? How does it help create safety and closeness in your relationship? Listen in and find out.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are highlighting another concept I learned from Dr. Terry Real called Loving Power. What is loving power? What does it look like? Why should you practice it? These are the questions we answer in today's episode.
In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are kicking off a short series where I share my favorite relational concepts and ideas that I learned from Dr. Terry Real. Terry Real is a marriage counselor and couple's therapist with amazing wisdom to share with us all, whether we are in a romantic relationship or not, about what it means to live a relational life. Today we talk about what it looks like to have and develop a relational mindset, the foundation of living a relational life.
Today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are talking about the skill of Co-Regulation. Co-Regulation is the ability to help you partner come out of a triggered state when they are activated and caught in emotional dysregulation. Why is co-regulation a valuable relational skill and what does co-regulation look like? These are the questions we will answer in this episode.
Today we are continuing our series Essential Relationship Skill with the skill of attunement. Attunement is the ability to sense what your partner is feeling, to enter into their inner world and experience life and the moment through their eyes. Why is attunement an essential relationship skill and how do you enhance your own capacity for it? These are the questions we are answering today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today we are talking about the skill of bargaining. No two people in a couple are exactly alike and each will sometimes want different things, so how do you contend with that? How can you strive for mutual satisfaction when you have different needs or preferences? That's the topic of today's episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today we are continuing in our series Essential Relationship Skills and are talking about the skill of complaining. Everyone experiences annoyance and dissatisfaction in relationships and it’s important to be able to communicate those skillfully. Unskillful complaints often sound like blame or criticism, two relational weeds we covered in our last series. So what does it look like to complain skillfully? Why is it important to complain well in relationships? That's what we are covering today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today we are talking about a relationship skill called Validation. Validation is the ability to help someone feel understood and cared for by you. What does it look like to validate? Why does validation matter in relationships? That’s what we’re discussing today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today we are talking about the skill of listening. Listening is the ability to focus on and maintain attention to what another person is communicating with the goal of accurately understanding them. What does it look like to be a skilled listener? Why is this important in relationships? That is what we’re unpacking today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
We are in a series called Essential Relationship Skills and we’re talking about the things we need to be able to do in our relationships in order to maximize the potential for connection and intimacy. We are setting the series up by focusing on foundational skills first— yesterday we addressed self-awareness and today we are talking about Emotion Regulation. Emotion Regulation is the part of emotional intelligence that is the ability to manage our own emotions. When we have good emotional regulation, we control our feelings, our feelings do not control us. Why is emotion regulation important in relationships and how do you cultivate this skill? That is our topic for today.
To kick off our new series, Essential Relationship Skills, we are talking about Self-Awareness— a foundational and essential skill for forming deep and authentic bonds with others. What is self-awareness? How do you cultivate it? What are some pitfalls of self-awareness? How does it improve relationships? Those are the questions we are answering in today's episode.
Sources:
What Self-Awareness Really Is
Today’s final weed is Judgment. When we judge our partners, we are forming negative opinions about them or about how they live or how they are that are based on our own standards and beliefs about how we think they should be or live. Why do we judge our partners? What’s the impact? What can we do instead so that we can connect and experience deep intimacy with the person we love? That's what we are discussing today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today’s weed is stonewalling— Stonewalling is essentially a refusal to engage or respond. Someone who is stonewalling has shut down and become silent and withdrawn. What causes someone to stonewall? How does it impact relationships? What can be done instead? That’s what we are talking about today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today’s weed is shame—shaming in relationships is a particularly egregious form of criticism or contemptuous behavior that communicates unworthiness to the other person. It invalidates them as a human being. It essentially says: you don’t matter. What does shame actually look like in relationships? Why does it happen? And what can be done instead? That’s what we’re covering today on the podcast.
Today’s weed is blame: the habit of fault finding. When something happens, why do you automatically want to assign blame, how does this impact relationships, and what’s a better way to respond when something negative occurs? That’s what we are covering today on the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Today’s weed is defensiveness. The Gottman Institute has defined defensiveness as "righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack". Why do we get defensive, why does defensiveness harm relationships, and what can we do instead of being defensive? These are the questions we’re answering in this episode.
Today’s weed is Ambivalence— having mixed feelings about the relationship; feeling uncertain about wanting to be in it. Ambivalence is a relationship killer, and therefore a weed that needs to be pulled. What causes chronic ambivalence, why is it such a problem, and what can be done about it? Let's discuss!
On this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are talking about criticism. Criticism is one of the four horseman, a group of 4 negative behaviors determined by John and Julie Gottman to be particularly destructive to couples and the behaviors that they repeatedly saw happening in relationships that would eventually fail.
What is criticism? Why does it hurt your relationship? How can you communicate without criticizing? These are the questions we're answering in this episode.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of controlling behavior? Have you ever been controlling in a relationship? Well control is the weed we are going to be addressing today. Maybe this is a weed that you’re dealing with in some way right now! Let's talk about what control is all about and what to do about it when it shows up in your relationships.
Have you ever had a huge fight with your significant other on a major holiday? Have you looked forward to a day and spent a lot of time preparing and being excited only to have the day arrive and you had a miserable time? Maybe you have even injured yourself leading up to it or had gotten really sick and were unable to participate. In this week's episode we are talking about self-sabotage and how to prevent it or stop it in its tracks this holiday season, and anytime there’s a big day in your life— be it a birthday, holiday, or a vacation. Self-sabotage is incredibly common around important days and events and I don’t think it’s spoken about nearly enough. So we’re gonna define what self-sabotage is, give some examples of it, and address how to prevent or interrupt it.
What does it take to achieve a mutual sense of safety in a relationship? How do you build a relationship that energizes you, that feels like a calm sanctuary in a troubled and chaotic world, and that helps you flourish and thrive as individuals and as a couple? Today we are talking about what it takes to begin creating this kind of a relationship— a secure-functioning relationship.
There are several quite costly mistakes we can make in relationships, and in today's episode I am talking about one of them. How do you and your partner recover after you've had a fight or argument? Are you distant for awhile afterward and then slowly return to normal? Do you make up by offering blanket apologies but still feel disconnected afterward? Do you pretend like the conflict never happened and just go about life as usual? These are common scenarios in relationships but there's a problem— they weaken your connection. In today's episode we'll talk about what to do instead so that conflict can actually serve a valuable purpose in your relationship and that is to build trust, increase safety and bring you emotionally closer to each other.
Have you ever had one foot in and one foot out of a relationship, uncertain if you should stay or go? I know I have. Maybe you're there right now. Many of my clients come to me to work out whether there relationship is good enough or not. But what does good enough mean? How do you determine if a relationship is worth continuing to stay in and work on? What do you do if you realize it isn't good enough right now but you'd like it to be? These are the questions we'll be answering in this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast.
Article quoted in episode:Why this marriage therapist says a 'good enough' relationship is one that lasts a lifetime
Today's quickie episode is a short and spontaneous share of some thoughts that came out of a conversation that I had with myself about my approach to my own relationship and in particular my mindset towards caring for my relationship and nurturing my bond with my husband. I realized I needed a mindset adjustment and I wanted to share about it with you. I think it's a mindset shift every couple needs to make if they want to create and maintain a healthy, joyful, life-giving relationship.
So much of the disappointment experienced in relationships stems from unmet expectations. When it comes to getting your needs met, it's fair to expect your partner to participate and hold up their end of the agreements you make as a team. In today's episode we discuss what it looks like to take a responsible and mindful approach to creating healthy expectations and how doing so can promote more peace and ease for you internally and between you and your partner.
What's Dara has written about expectations
Do You Have Unrealistic Expectations in Your Relationship? Here's How to Tell
In part 3 of the series Dealing With Unmet Needs, we are talking about 2 foundational aspects of getting your needs met adequately and consistently in your relationship: taking care of your own needs and helping fulfill your partner's needs. Very often we are so focused on getting our own needs met, we don't realize that we aren't fulfilling our partner's needs and they are also focused on getting their needs met and neglecting to help us fulfill ours. So what do you do to get unstuck and get the love and generosity flowing in all directions? We answer that question in today's episode.
Dealing with unmet needs can be frustrating and confusing and so can knowing exactly how to let someone know what it is you need from them in a way that gets heard and understood. In this episode of the Embrace the Mud Podcast we are continuing our 4 part series, Dealing with Unmet Needs, and we’re focusing on what it looks like to clearly communicate your needs to a partner or other person in your life. Last week, we got clear on what your needs actually are. This week we are setting you up to successfully communicate your needs using what I call needs-based communication.
Dara's Blog Posts on Unmet Needs:
8 Questions to Help Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationships
How To Talk To Your Partner About Your Needs Not Being Met
This is part 1 of the series Dealing With Unmet Needs where we are talking about unmet emotional needs in relationships and how to deal with a situation where your needs are not being fulfilled in your partnership or another relationship. In this episode the focus is on the importance of being clear on what your needs actually are, how to find that clarity, and how to take ownership of what you need.
Dara's Blog Posts on Unmet Needs:
8 Questions to Help Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationships
How To Talk To Your Partner About Your Needs Not Being Met
You will hear me say the term secure-functioning relationship a lot on the Embrace the Mud podcast, but what exactly does secure-functioning mean? In this episode I define what secure-functioning is, share how I learned about it, and give an introductory view of what it looks like.
Sources:
The 10 Commandments For a Secure-Functioning Relationship
The PACT Institute
Dr. Stan Tatkin
If you are struggling in a broken relationship and find yourself wondering if it’s possible to turn things around and heal things between you and your partner or spouse, I share some insights, thoughts, and ideas in this episode that will help you get some perspective. Reflecting on my own relationship breakdown and what it took to restore the connection and rebuild our bond, I talk about the key lessons I learned that helped me get at the root of what was causing our dysfunction and how to begin moving in a more secure-functioning direction. Focusing on the surface level issues isn't going to turn things around. In this episode I talk about what will.
Key concept referred to: Secure-Functioning Relationships
How do you show up in your relationships and why do you show up that way? In this episode I'll share 3 powerful questions you can ask yourself in order to enhance your awareness around how you think and behave in relationships. I'll also talk about 3 different assessment tools that can be helpful for thoroughly answering these questions and learning how to move into healthier and more productive ways of being.
Links to sources and resources mentioned in this episode:
We Empower Aces
Stan Tatkin
Attachment Project
The Secure Relationship
Number Story
Enneagram Institute
Gabor Mate
Crappy Childhood Fairy
Patrick Teahan
In today's episode you'll get the rundown on what this podcast is all about and why you should listen to it faithfully. You'll find out:
- The purpose of this podcast
- Who this podcast is for
- What themes and topics will be covered in future episodes
You can find more content created by your host, Dara Poznar, on the Embrace the Mud blog and on Instagram.