Silent Women’s Club Podcast: Recent Episodes
Kim Upshaw
Silent Women’s Club podcast is for mothers who’ve lost children. We’re talk about things and we honor you and your child. Frankly, some days, we’re good. Other days, we’re not. We talk about them all, sharing how events, news, anniversaries and even the weather impact life. The truth is that your child died but you’re still here. You’re still important. And your motherhood lives on. If you never tell your story or talk about how you feel, don’t worry, we talk about it here. On the Silent Women’s Club podcast, our love speaks. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/silent-womens-club-podcast/support
My doctor retired and I cried. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/silent-womens-club-podcast/support
Going to a therapist is a good thing. But if you don’t address your grief, then you may not get what’s best for you in that experience. Grief counseling is a good for you no matter how long ago you experienced loss.
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Grief has a mind of its own. Some days it’s bearable and life feels livable. Some days it’s neither high nor low. And some days it’s insufferable.
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The world is just catching up to us with all this talk about the “new normal.” We’ve been living our own “new normals” since life changed for us, right? As Mother’s Day approaches, I’m feeling “meh” about it. That’s my normal.
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“I’m going through,” is what you say when life has you down. What if we started thinking of “going through” as a process to “getting out” or “getting better?” It’s something I’m thinking about.
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There is a day for everything and today is National Tell A Story Day. It’s your day! Your day to tell the story that caused your grief and your good. Good Grief! Tell that story and let it all hang out!
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Join us today as we read through my book, Sunshine and Daniel: Seeking Grace in Lost Motherhood together. If you are following along in your book, turn to Chapter 1: Seeking Grace in Loss. You can read along with us, or listen and let the words and stories comfort and bless you. For more information on the book and our ministry, visit is at www.silentwomensclub.com. Our love speaks!
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I met Diona Murray of @barrenfruit three years ago. Her Infertility Empowerment Conference helped me to accept that I am an infertile woman. It had never dawned on me that the fibroids that caused my pre-term labor, the loss of my Daniel, and that would later lead to my doctor telling me that I would not be able to have children equaled infertility. I now proclaim, realize and exclaim it. I am whole.
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In 2018, I published my book, Sunshine and Daniel: Seeking Grace in Lost Motherhood out of a call to share my story to help mothers who have lost children. For the next several Sundays, join me as we read through Sunshine and Daniel together. You can read along in your book, or listen and let the stories comfort and bless you. Mum, our love speaks!
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
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On Sunday, the beginning of this week, another Black man was killed by police. His name is Daunte Wright. He wasn’t my child, but he is my child. As a grieving Black mother, his death is my son’s death. His death causes my soul to hurt all over again. It signals that I have to do something for my mental health. So, Mum, I write a sentence to my-maternal-self; 10, 50, 100 times. My maternal mental health requires it.
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What’s your gift? Everyone has a gift. That includes you, Mum. There is something you have in you that helps other people feel better, do better and be better. Every single person has a gift. Think about yours and give it to the world. We need it.
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I just finished a new workout. Strength training. At my age! As I walk this grieving journey, I owe it to myself, those I remember, and those I serve to be fit. It’s African American Women’s Fitness Month. And I’m worth it.
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As I prayed for you today, Mum, something about you impressed me. Your love. That love that confounds you. That love that cherishes memories. That love that sustains you. That love that reaches heaven. Your love, Mum, is a love that endures.
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A friend reminded me of the importance of stretching. It physically eases sore muscles. Stretching is a powerful tool for our emotional hurts, too. Spiritual stretching keeps us whole.
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Do you remember Janet Jackson’s popular ‘90s song, “What have you done for me lately?” It posed a good question to someone who was not holding up their end of a relationship. Now, I’m taking a twist on her question to ask you - what have you done for you lately?
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I had to have some testing this morning. An ultrasound to be exact. The wild goose chase I was sent on to get to ultrasound took me where I did not want to be, but the path back led me to grace.
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One year. It’s been one year. At times, I’ve felt like I had faceplanted into a wall or down the steps with everything that’s happened during the course of this past year. Despite all of it, I’ve learned some things. Like how much I appreciate life.
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You know how you dream and pray and wish for something but never get it? Then you see someone else with it and you feel some kind of way about it? I’m thinking about how other people have what I’ve prayed for. Like a son. I’m thinking about moms who have sons. I’m thinking about Mums who’ve lost sons, too.
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I’ve learned to raise my hand on my own behalf. I’ve learned to raise my hand to say - See me. Hear me. Help me. Grief empowers me to do that for myself.
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I said in a post the other day, “Treat yourself like you are someone you love.” Several people asked about that statement. Well, loving you with encouragement, motivation and inspiration starts on the inside. Delve in with me.
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Last night, President Biden delivered a speech that I needed. In it he said, “but I promise you the day will come a small the memory of the loved one you lost will bring a smile to your lips before a tear to your eye.” I know those days. I have more of them. But I still needed his speech.
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Love is a transforming force. Mother’s love starts to develop as the child develops in the womb. Where does it go when the child dies? It needs a place to land. In came my Mylo.
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Life comes at you. Life often sucks. Especially now with - just - everything. No matter though, there is always a bright side. Not mindless positivity thinking. Actual things in life that brighten your day. And maybe your outlook.
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There should be a rule that once a woman loses her child, she is immune from any more loss, heartache, illness or suffering. It’s only fair. Though no such rule exists, because of who we are and what we’ve been through, we have what it takes to face what life throws at us.
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When Charlie Brown would exclaim, “Good Grief,” he often held his head in his hands in anguish. It was always a negative response to something terrible that happened to him. If only he had known that Good Grief is possible. Us Mums know it. And we’re walking into the good of grief with purpose.
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Life is not getting any easier. I’m preparing for new treatment for my eye disease and I’m not ready for any of it. And I’m smiling. Yes, I’m smiling. The pain and hurt is still there. My heart is still broken, but I’ve got a smile over my broken pieces.
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Little Deaurra Nealy’s father said that she was a perfect child. We can certainly understand. Many parents feel that way about their angels. Sadly, Deaurra, known affectionately as “Aurri,” received her wings on January 16, 2021 due to complications from COVID-19. Children can die from this virus. Children are dying from this virus. And their parents are grieving. This is not a hoax.
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This week, as a nation, we finally recognized that we are grieving. I needed that. I needed the nation to recognize the grief that necessarily hangs over us. We remember and honor each one. Your loved one is remembered. You who remain are remembered as you mourn. You are remembered. And I hold you in my prayers and heart.
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People talk about getting back to “normal,” and the “new normal.” But normal left my life 17 years ago. I now live in my doable.
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“I’m here. You’re not by yourself.” The words of Rontunda Moran as she held her 17 year old son, Jaquan Anderson’s hand as he died of heart failure complicated by COVID-19. This is not a hoax.
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“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.” - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Thinking about this today and wondering what it means for the Silent Women’s Club.
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“I don’t feel anymore. I feel like I’m incomplete.” Those are the words of Chantel Brooks, whose 4 year old son, Xavier, died of cardiac arrest due to complications of COVID-19 the day after Christmas. We understand how she feels. But we all wish we didn’t. This is not a hoax.
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Kimora LeShee’ “Kimmie” Lynum was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection and 103 temperature when her mother, Mikasha Young-Holmes took her to the hospital. They were sent home. Six days later, when Kimmie failed to wake from her nap, the hospital tested her. Kimmie died having tested positive for COVID -19. It’s not a hoax.
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The ER doctor told mom, Lastassija White, “She will be fine. It doesn’t affect kids.” She and Tagan were discharged and sent home. Tagan died 15 hours later. Little Tagan was not treated properly. Her parents tell their story “to bring light” to other parents. This is not a hoax.
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More than 121 children have died from COVID-19. In September 2020, the Washington Post said child deaths are “remarkably low.” Tell that to the mothers who’ve lost their children. The mostly black and Hispanic mothers. Their stories are precious. We cannot remain Silent.
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What I didn’t realize is what I’ve overcome. I had to read my story to see my story. 2020 sucks! This year is awful. But I am not. I was bruised. But not utterly broken this year. The same is true for you, Mum.
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One in four women. One in four patients. That one is me. I am the one in four. I am the one.
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I’m thankful. I may not feel it but I will it. Empty chairs won’t deter me this year. No matter what, for my dreams and my future, my Thanks Giving starts today.
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There’s a still, small and subtle presence within me that gives me the strength to go on every day. Some days, it’s a voice. Other days it’s a feeling. A breath. An awareness up my spine that reminds me I can make it. I’m tapping into that today.
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“Big girls don’t cry.” That’s a lie I learned as a little girl. Well, I’m a full grown woman now and sometimes, I cry.
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A moment of silence is refreshing. It is also unnerving. It is important to our personal health to take time to just be silent. Even if life around you encroaches on it.
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It’s Grace Day! I know that sounds odd today but instead of being anxious and allowing the magnitude of today take us into a spiral, why not wrap yourself in Grace? Be good to yourself today. And no matter what the day brings, you bring Grace to you.
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Her name is Kathy Brant. She’s asked, Why did they do this to me?” It’s a good question. She needs a good answer.
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When will Black mothers stop losing their children to police shootings? When will Black mothers children matter? Walter Wallace’s mother lost her son yesterday on the street in Philadelphia. And she stood there. Watching. As he was killed by the police. When will the lives of Black mothers children matter? Someone tell me when? When?
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Maternity leave is a staple in the US today. What if we had the same expectation for the bereaved Mum? Three days or one week alway from work is not enough of the time needed to grieve.
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I was thinking about what I’m thankful for today. It was hard because this election cycle has included bashing the parent of an addicted child. My mom lost a child to addiction and it pains me to hear this current bullying. For you Mums who are struggling with this, I invite you to remember your child in gratitude.
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The post pandemic me is so dope I can’t wait to give her to the world.
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Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day sneaks up on me. I get this feeling, then I look at the date - October 15 and it all makes sense.
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Can we hold a place in our hearts for Mums who lost their pregnancies through abortion and termination? Every loss of a child hurts. Every loss carries pain. Abortion and terminations carry condemnation. No child loss ever should.
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When someone says you are strong, believe them and learn to accept the supernatural strength that is in you. It may not feeling like it, but Mum, every day you keeping going, living and loving, you are overcoming.
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Just knowing that this Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month exists and is a thing makes me grateful. Recognition of what we’ve been through may seem like nothing, but since we do, I’m just grateful.
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210,195 US citizens have died due to COVID-19. That number is staggering. It is not a joke. It is not to be taken lightly. Those are 210,195 human beings. And countless mothers who now mourn. I’m mad as hell about that!
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When I lost my precious Daniel in 2002, I did not receive any bereavement counseling. Almost immediately after my still birth, I was asked to donate his body for research. My bereavement was not acknowledged. I was offered no counseling. No one cared about my mental health. I’m glad to say, that is changing today.
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We have a new member. I hate those words. I love our community which is not exclusive. We welcome celebrity and the not famous. We speak with our love. Today, our love is to Chrissy and her precious angel, Jack.
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I see everything twice. Thyroid eye disease has made it difficult to do normal things like see clearly. . Yet, it has helped me to realize that sometimes, I just can’t do what I thought I could. And that is freeing.
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Being thankful for what has failed me and given me much anxiety is becoming a part of my life journey. On this Thankful Thursday, I’m thanking this body I live in for showing up for me everyday.
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Peace is heavy. Peace is life. And with this peace that came over me through my brother, Bruce, I intend to enjoy every minute of it. Cause that’s living!
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We used to think about our child’s future. But what about your own? It awaits.
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Be true to you. Start a “me” campaign. A campaign focused on who you are, Mum. It’s time to not to love your child more than and better than yourself, but to love yourself better than anyone else, including the memory of your child. Uncomfortable. I know. But being true to you is. And it’s worth it.
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Let’s be honest. There are some things that have happened in your life because your child has passed on. Even positive things. For me, the most lasting and impactful positive I’ve experienced was the end of romantic relationships that were not good for me. On this Thankful Thursday, I am so grateful for that!
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Mothers don’t admit the relief that sometimes comes after her child has died. But her body feels it. Her mind knows it. Her chores are different. She has time for herself again. And she feels guilty. Mum, it’s okay to release relief.
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What do you do with a happy thought, a happy memory, or a happy moment you have after your child has passed away? Do you suppress it? Pretend it doesn’t exist? Lie to yourself and others about them? Or do you experience the happy after hurt? Happy times come after you’ve lost your child, and there is a freedom in allowing yourself to experience them.
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I’ve lost both of my children and I am free. I’m free from the daily cares of motherhood. I’ve never said this out loud before, but this freedom is as much a part of my motherhood as a mum as my hurts and pains. What I have lost has made me free. Now that I’ve said it, during the next three weeks, we’re going to explore what “lost and free” means for a Mum. Join us!
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Julia Jackson is not one of us. But, in some ways she is. While her son is currently hospitalized, and possibly paralyzed for the rest of his life, she spoke words of wisdom for us all when she said, “we have to examine our hearts.”
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My favorite sports team was just swept in the playoffs. Four games to none. Disgusting. The next day, the coach was fired. He should have been. Like him, I’ve been fired, too. Maybe I should have been. I don’t know. What I do know is that being fired is not the end of my story.
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This Thankful Thursday I’m grateful for the support that grounds me and makes me strong. I learned about support from yoga. Let me explain ...
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How are you doing? Have you checked in on yourself? Are you okay? You know, it’s okay to be okay. It’s good to be good.
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Today, I’m thankful for three simple words: Not Right Now. Learning to say these words in my mind, in my heart and out of my mouth have been life changing. Not Right Now. It’s how I’m learning to enjoy me!
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I used to try to hide my scars. I don’t any more. They prove that I’ve been through something. Came through something. And I’m living with something that makes me special.
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Michelle Obama is a Mum. She has low level depression. So do I. But I’m still thankful on this Thankful Thursday,, I’m depressed and angry, but thankful for an outlet to talk about it. Let’s talk about it, Mum.
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Today, my bed didn’t come. The storm, Isaias ripped through town. And, then my tooth broke. With everything else, I’m spiraling into a bit of sadness and thinking about my kids. This year sucks. But I’m not letting it take me down.
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What better day to celebrate International Friendship Day 2020 than on a Thankful Thursday. I’m thankful for my friend who helped me get through my losses, so I recognize Renee today with this quick book excerpt. What about you? Tell us what friend you are thankful for today.
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Parents want their children to be safe. Do you think about your child’s safety? That’s because you are STILL a parent.
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Friday, July 24 is #SelfCareDay but I’m not waiting until tomorrow to start my self-care. I’m thankful for me today! So much so that I’m starting early and taking #selfcaretime for me today and tomorrow. How about you? How are you caring for you?
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This month, Philadelphia has been following the story of the disappearance of little King Hill. We now know more. The two, almost three year old, was killed. His mother is heartbroken. So am I. *CORRECTION: King Hill’s mother’s name is Amber Hill. Her name was misstated in this episode. I apologize for that error.
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Safe places are important. I don’t have just one safe place. I have many because I need different types of refuge at different times. One of my safe places is Scripture, especially Psalm 34:8.
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Postponed is a verb that means to cause or arrange to take place at a time later than first scheduled. When my child died, my motherhood was postponed. What else has been postponed in your life because of your loss?
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It’s another Thankful Thursday and even though it’s sometimes hard to find something to be thankful for, today I’m thankful for the shower. To be able to let the water trickle down my head and body and wash away dirt, thoughts, emotions and stuff.
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Been feeling off for a while. But this month just didn’t start right. Couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. Then a text told me all about it. It said, “July is Bereaved Parent’s Awareness Month.” That explains it.
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Mother’s Day is today. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
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Intentionally loving who you are takes work. Looking in the mirror I see my decisions, my choice and what has happened to me. But I’m choosing to love the woman in the mirror who looks back at me.
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I love connecting on social media. It’s great. But when I saw the #FirstBornChallenge today, I wanted to throw my phone. Then, my grief returned.
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I dance all day. Sometimes, I’m serious about my moves, and sometimes I’m silly, but all the time, I dance. Dancing makes me feel good and keeps my mind of my troubles. Especially now.
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Things are unsettling right now. The COVID-19 Coronavirus Pandemic has caused people to act in strange ways. And it brings up thoughts for us that we need to address. Together, Mum. Let’s Talk.
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I recently told a friend that on Monday, as that Mum stood there, in front of the world, so eloquently talking about her precious daughter, she personified Strength in a Black Dress. n Heels. That strength every Mum knows. And that makes me grateful.
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How do you handle having to visit or being admitted to the same hospital where you lost your child?
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On this Thankful Thursday, I’m thankful that I don’t have to apologize for who I am.
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Last week, we shared stories about things family and friends have said to you after your loss. In my case, I was told to, “Get over it.” Here’s my story.
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For too long I blamed myself. But today, I am grateful that I am forgiven. Yes, by God. And especially, I forgive me.
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I forgot the my child’s birthday. Does that make me a bad Mum? What does it mean?
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I’m thankful for the ability to honor the memory of my child and to honor who I am as a Mum.
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How does a Mum justify mourning her child when their relationship was a bad one, strained or even cut-off? You don’t. You mourn. You grieve. You are Mum.
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Today, I’m thankful for today. Not because everything is good or great, but because it is. I will myself to be thankful today. And, rejoice.
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The tragic loss of Kobe Bryant and his daughter, Gianna, makes me think of his wife, Vanessa. As Gianna’s mom, she is now one of us. And our love speaks to her hurt and pain and tears.
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Yesterday, the dictionary word of the day was “nurture.” Today, on my wonderful goddaughter’s eighteenth birthday, I celebrate her. And I’m grateful for her and all those who I am able to nurture. As we say at SWC, though my child is gone, my motherhood lives on through her and all those I get to nurture. For that, I am thankful!
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I just read an article entitled, “Mothers ‘weigh nearly three pounds more on average than childless women of the same age.’” The first line stood out. It says, “Women put on an extra three pounds in weight after becoming mothers compared with those who remain childless, major research has revealed.” And that pissed me off. The addition of the word “remain” implies choice. So, here’s my rant, from a childless woman.
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It may sound odd, but I’m thankful for the blessing of grief. Here’s why.
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Some days, Mum, I get jealous when I see mothers with their children. It reminds me that not only am I not a mother, I’m not going to be a grandmother either.
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Today is a day to spend with family and friends. It’s hard for many of us, but we have to be thankful. Go enjoy! And be thankful!
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LA is the latest state to pass anti-abortion legislation. The lawmakers have chosen to criminalize women who make the decision to terminate a pregnancy. It hurts to hear this because what these women need more than anything is love, not law. Im grateful that the Love of Christ, not the law, Lifted Me! Here's what I have to say ...
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A mother who lost a child to miscarriage told me she’s always been okay about it. Then she seemed apologetic that she’s okay. She shouldn’t. It’s okay to be okay. Let’s discuss.
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It’s almost Summer. Time to shed the heaviness of winter. Let your caring, nurturing motherhood shine!
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The Governor signed the Alabama Abortion Law tonight, criminalizing virtually all abortion. For a woman like me, this drudged up emotions no one ever considers. Not pro-life advocates. Not pro-choice advocates. No one considers the life of the mother. Why condemn her? Why not love this childless mother? I’m taking about it.
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Mother’s Day is always a challenge. Some years are easier than others . This year, I’m sharing a reading from my book, SUNSHINE and DANIEL: Seeking Grace in Lost Motherhood my reflections, feelings and emotions on Mother’s Day, as a woman who’s lost her mother and her children. Blessings and peace to every Mum listening.
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An abortion rally sign in Philadelphia included the words “Silent No More.” I have a problem with that. Not the pro-life agenda. Not the pro-choice agenda. But the fact that both too often fail to have a pro-love agenda for the mother who has lost her child. And I have something to say ...
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It’s all the news today. Meghan and Harry are parents to a bouncing baby boy. Mother and baby are well. How are you feeling, Mum?
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May is ... For me it’s a few things. Mother’s Day being one of the events occurring this month that puts me in a mood. You, too?
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Using music to help get through rough times is not only therapeutic, it can bring joy. Recently, American heavy metal band, Disturbed, honored a family as they honored their angel baby.
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We are more alike than different. No matter how you lost your child - whether during pregnancy, or as a teen or adult - we mothers have a story to share and encouragement to give. We must help our sisters by sharing the love that dwell within each of us.
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Questions. Questions. Questions. People ask the darnedest questions, don’t they? Especially about how many children you have. How do you answer them? Let’s discuss it on today’s episode.
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We're Here! The anticipated inaugural episode of the Silent Women's Cub's podcast is here. Today, host Kim Paris Upshaw, author of SUNSHINE and DANIEL: Seeking Grace in Lost Motherhood, shares her story and passion for mothers like her, who've lost a child. Kim shares her story of loss to abortion and preterm labor, and her passion for coming out of the shadows to talk about child loss.
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