PLAYING-IT-SAFE: Recent Episodes

Dr. Z. - Patricia Zurita Ona, Psy.D.

I'm Dr. Z., a clinical psychologist and an author. In PLAYING-IT-SAFE I will share with you research based-skills, interviews, readings, insights, tips, and all types of curated info to get unstuck from worries, anxieties, fears, obsessions, and ineffective playing-it-safe actions.

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Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!

If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.

When you’re pursuing a top performance – from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.

In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself.

Key Takeaways

How to distinguish when perfectionistic actions are working for you or against you
The difference between values-based goals and ego-driven goals
How to avoid burnout in the information era
How to manage your proneness to perfectionistic actions
Day-to-day experiences of experiential avoidance
Tips to handle the fear of failure
How to figure out what is on the other side of your fears
How to practice self-compassion when handling our fears

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions

01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism

01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors

02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking

03:28 Living According to Your Values

04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want

04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing

05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization

08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret

17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals

24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.

You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly - that’s natural when you deeply care about things and what matters to you. And, as you have heard me say before, it’s extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself.

In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:

(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can be both, beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.

(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin.

(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go - as the right thing to do - is also important.

(d) Finally, we discuss ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discuss key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)

Key Takeaways

Discussing perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
Understanding the impact of high goals
The role of confidence in goal setting
The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism

01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors

02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism

04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure

05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations

08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals

20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Today’s episode takes off with discussing fears of driving. This is the starting point to discuss a key process within acceptance commitment therapy: values-based exposures.

In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.

Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you can do if you’re getting stuck in conquering your fears or you’re afraid of starting the process of facing your anxieties.

Key Takeaways

What is willingness
How to deal with uncertainty
What to do when you’re powering through a fearful situation
What is exposure
Understanding fear-based reactions and safe behaviors
Exploring the concept of exposure in overcoming fear
Dealing with physical sensations during fearful situations
The role of acceptance and commitment therapy in overcoming fear
Understanding the concept of willingness in therapy
Addressing fear of uncertainty and unpredictability
Introduction to the upcoming book on act-informed exposure for anxiety
Understanding act and exposure
Dealing with chronic worry
Effective problem solving vs. worry

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions and Safe Behaviors

01:00 Exploring Exposure Therapy and Anxiety

01:09 Dealing with Physical Sensations During Panic Attacks

02:44 Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Fear

03:39 Addressing Intrusive Thoughts and Fears

04:16 Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

07:33 Exploring Willingness in Therapy

14:28 Addressing Fear of Uncertainty

17:28 Introduction to ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety

19:19 Discussing the Book and Its Approach

19:44 Recommendations for Approaching the Book

19:45 Understanding the Process of Exposure

20:38 The Role of Repetition in Exposure

21:37 Handling Chronic Worries and Ruminations

22:12 Using ACT for Chronic Worry

23:11 Writing Imaginal Scripts for Worries

26:13 Effective Problem Solving vs. Worry

26:50 Distinguishing Between Productive and Unproductive Worry

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Ever catch yourself engaging in incessant mind chatter in a high-stakes situation? The kind that fills your head with self-doubt, comparisons, and anticipations of failure? You're not alone. We all do it. But what if there was a way to overcome these self-limiting beliefs and embrace life's challenges with confidence?

I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, and comparison thoughts among athletes or overthinkers.

If you have been following the podcast, you know by now that by making room for your thoughts, rather than struggling against them, you can redirect your focus towards the present moment and towards what matters.

In today’s episode, we discussed other micro-skills to manage mental chatter with curiosity and courage.

Key Takeaways

The pitfalls of positive thinking
Managing mind chatter
How to shift your attention from hypothetical worries to the present moment
Redirecting your attention from “what if” to “what is”
How to manage lapses in confidence
A useful mindset to perform challenging tasks
Exploring the concept of positive thinking
Understanding mind chatter and its impact
Strategies for managing mind chatter
Applying mind chatter management in real-life scenarios

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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Picture this scenario: you encounter an ambiguous and uncertain situation, and then, of course, you quickly try to solve it. You anticipate all types of scenarios and try to prepare for each one of them, without realizing you are worrying and consumed with anxiety.

Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and that’s what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are crucial.

We all worry from time to time, that’s unavoidable. But playing-it-safe by worrying all the time takes a hefty toll on your well-being, happiness, and relationships.

In this episode, I interview Dr. Chad Lejeune, Ph.D.

We discussed the subtleties of worrying, what keeps worry cycles, and the importance of developing a new relationship with your mind. In the second part of the interview, I shared with Chad an unexpected situation I encountered when traveling, and we used that as an opportunity to discuss micro-skills to manage uncertainty, what-if thoughts, and reassurance-seeking and information-seeking behaviors.

Key Takeaways

How to develop a new relationship with thinking
How to distinguish effective problem-solving from ineffective one
Understanding fear and anxiety
Defining worry and its impact
The role of thoughts in worry
Distinguishing between productive and nonproductive worry
The consequences of worry
Addressing beliefs about worry
Changing our relationship with our thoughts
Dealing with unexpected situations
Embracing uncertainty and ambiguity
The anxious brain and uncertainty
Productive thoughts and problem-solving
The power of narratives and storytelling
The distinction between problem-solving and creating narratives
The danger of excessive information-seeking
The power of accepting uncertainty
The importance of learning from the past

Show notes with time stamps

00:27 Understanding Fear and Anxiety

01:26 Defining Worry and Its Impact

02:27 Distinguishing Between Worry and Problem-Solving

05:50 The Consequences of Worry

06:43 Addressing Beliefs About Worry

11:27 Changing Our Relationship with Our Thoughts

17:41 Practical Example: Dealing with Unexpected Situations

22:59 The Power of Productive Thoughts

23:56 The Mind's Narratives and Their Impact

25:46 The Distinction Between Problem Solving and Worrying

28:15 The Power of Acceptance and Living in the Present

28:20 The Pitfalls of Excessive Information Seeking

29:12 The Role of Google in Reassurance Seeking

32:29 The Importance of Embracing Uncertainty

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all experience anxiety in some form, in some way, and in some shape. Because anxiety, fears, and worries can be so uncomfortable, we quickly play-it-safe. And when you’re prone to deeply caring for what you do - as high-achievers, strivers, and perfectionists - then the fears of being a failure or not being good enough are amplified.

In this conversation, Annick Seys and I discussed the many layers in which these fears show up and how nourishing your observer-self can shift from self-criticism into self-acceptance, from self-judgment into self-compassion, and from emotional avoidance into curious behaviors.

Cultivating your observer-self isn't just about self-distancing; it is about your well-being and living a purpose-driven life.

Key Takeaways

How to deal with the gap between expectations and reality
How to practice self-acceptance
How to unpack the fear of being a failure in the moment
How to understand the fear of being a failure
The problem with toxic positivity
Relational Frame Theory of Language
How to nourish your observer-self
Understanding the observer-self
The power of curiosity
Self-compassion on-the-go

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions

01:00 The Struggles of Time Management

01:07 Dealing with Disappointments and Failures

05:31 Exploring Self-Acceptance

06:01 The Ongoing Exercise of Self-Acceptance

11:45 Unpacking the Fear of Failure

14:12 The Impact of Toxic Positivity

17:47 Tapping into the Observer Self

18:01 Exercises to Connect with the Observer Self

20:50 Understanding the Observer Self

24:03 Experiencing Different Moods

26:11 Relating to Past Experiences

29:59 Overcoming the Fear of Failure

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you find yourself anxiously anticipating rejection in everyday situations?

The fear of being rejected or judged leads to a hyper-awareness of others' facial expressions, opinions, or anticipation of rejection. It’s like you’re expecting others will reject you and interpret a situation using those lenses. This interplay between rejection sensitivity and anxiety influences how you navigate your relationships.

Understanding the root of rejection sensitivity and its connection to anxiety is pivotal to stop playing-it-safe automatically.

In today’s episode, I interview Ozlem Ayduk, Ph.D.

We delve deeper into the psychological processes behind rejection sensitivity and anxiety. You will hear practical strategies to break free from the shackles of rejection sensitivity and anxiety.

Key Takeaways

Self-distancing
Rejection sensitivity
What maintains rejection sensitivity
The relationship between experiential avoidance and rejection sensitivity
How ambiguous situations are triggers for responses driven by rejection sensitivity
The use of self-talk
Is it helpful to be highly sensitive in certain contexts? When and where?
The upsides or benefits of high emotional sensitivity
Can someone struggle with rejection sensitivity without a history of rejection?
The intersection of emotion regulation and rejection sensitivity
Is rejection sensitivity dysphoria different or the same as rejection sensitivity?

FREE VALUES-BASED REVIEW (21-PAGES)

How often do you play-it-safe? How often do you get stuck in your head? How often do you notice a gap between the life you want to live and the life you're living? You aren’t alone.

When dealing with doubts, worries, anxieties, or fears, it's quite likely that you spend a lot of time in your head, thinking and thinking and relying on all types of strategies to manage all those anxious thoughts.

If you’re ready to get out of your head and break free from those barriers that stand between you and the life you want to live, this practical 21-page guide will help you get back on track!

If you’re like many others, you may wonder, “how does one actually get back on track?” Here is my response: You check your values and how you have been living with them. When was the last time you paused and asked yourself: Am I doing what matters? Am I living my values in my relationships, career, friendships, and spiritual life?

The reality is that most of us live life letting life happen to us, and if we’re lucky, we figure out what’s truly important to us and what we want to stand for. So, another way to check how we're really living is by pausing, checking what truly matters to you, and whether your actions are congruent with those values or not.

Here is a 21-page template you can use; it includes a description of 9 life areas, a values thesaurus, a values-dashboard, and reflective prompts for each area in your life.

Click here: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Values-based-review-2021.pdf

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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Self-compassion is the willingness to respond to your pain and suffering in the same way a good friend of yours might–with warmth, patience, and understanding. That sounds easy, right? But you know it isn’t.

For many, self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. It’s like your mind is a champion at criticizing you in response to those moments in which you feel anxious about something that has happened or could happen.

Which of the following fear statements resonate with you?

If I’m kind to myself, I will become a weak person.
I need to be hard on myself or I will never get everything done.
I don’t deserve kindness.
A harsh approach keeps me from making mistakes or keeps me disciplined.
Self-criticism motivates me all the time.

Ask yourself: “Am I afraid of compassion?”

In this episode, I chat with Paul Gilbert, the developer of Compassion Focused Therapy.

Key Takeaways

The beginnings of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
4 steps to compassionately deal with your inner critic
The difference between shame and guilt
How to approach self-forgiveness
The intersection of self-compassion and exposure practices
Paul Gilbert’s self-compassion daily practice
What to do if your mind thinks that “self-compassion is weak, it is being permissive with yourself, or that you’re letting yourself off the hook.”
How to deal compassionately with anger

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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It was a true pleasure to discover the work and passion of Sonya Looney; her enthusiasm, laughs, and insights are contagious!

There are many golden nuggets in this conversation about skillfully managing comparison thoughts, rumination, self-doubt, shame, values-based strategies, and much more.

Key Takeaways

The mindset of an athlete
The upsides and downsides of over-preparing and over-working
How to skillfully manage unpredictability
Acceptance of emotions
How to deal with a strong attachment to goals or winning
Defusion: thought - labeling
Goodhart’s law
How to manage physical fatigue using acceptance & defusion skills
How to go back to your values when your mind gets noisy
How to manage comparison thoughts
ABC of resilience

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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This is part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Matthew McKay, Ph.D. In part 1, we discussed the foundations of how Dr. McKay thinks of process-based therapy. Today, we discuss, in particular, different mechanisms of action:

What is attentional training
How to look at your values when getting stressed
How to practice acceptance
How to handle uncertainty
How reassurance-seeking shows up in our day-to-day life

Show notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-promote-behavioral-change-when-feeling-anxious/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: Subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

If anxiety is a part of our day to day life, if we hold on to the framework that to be human is to be anxious, how did anxiety ever become a problem? How do you go from worrying about not being good enough to chronic states of worry? How do you go from feeling uncomfortable taking the elevator to developing an elevator phobia?

What maintains a psychological struggle? And what are the skills – the core skills – that you can learn to navigate those anxious moments and get back into your life?

Short-term fixes that help us avoid or numb our emotions may temporarily alleviate our internal discomfort, but the same responses can also end up causing anxiety, depression, chronic anger, and even physical health problems.

In this episode, I chat with Matthew Mckay, Ph.D.

Key Takeaways:

The difference between rumination and worry
Repetitive negative thinking as a process
What is a transdiagnostic process
How anxiety becomes a problem in our life
What is a safety-seeking behavior
Process-based changes

Show notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/what-maintains-a-psychological-struggle/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Do you remember last week when your mind was criticizing you and asking you to play-it-safe?

Using Acceptance and Commitment Skills, you are always invited to bring awareness to your internal experiences, especially when you are feeling stuck in a habit or unhelpful behavioral patterns such as overthinking, procrastinating, or others. You are also invited to figure out your values and take action toward what truly matters to you.

In this episode, Julian McNally, Ms. Psych., and I discuss those values-based actions when your mind tries to convince you to engage in old behavioral patterns.

Key Takeaways

Creative Hopelessness
Values-based behaviors
Values-based exposures
Notice approaching versus avoidant behaviors
How to practice acceptance of messy moments
Focus on your doing your best, not being the best
Focusing on what is happening right now instead of why is happening.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation? Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong time?

If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.

Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your social performance with others’ social performance.

When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard, you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.

In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.

Key Takeaways

How to live your values
How to practice commitment
Playing-it-safe
How to manage negativity biases
How to deal with comparison thoughts
Context sensitivity

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Our minds are amazing at many, many things. Our minds are capable of remembering the birthday of the ones we love, calculating a budget for our next trip, thinking about our next writing project, and coming up with questions for a podcast. Our minds are also capable of ruminating, dwelling, coming up with strange thoughts, announcing all types of bad scenarios, and many more …why are our minds both so awesome and so challenging to deal with at times? How can we skillfully and effectively deal with our busy minds?

In today’s episode, I interview Josh Malina, host of the podcast “Anxiety Book Club.” We discuss the different ways in which our minds influence our physical and mental health and the different approaches to dealing with them.

Josh and I discuss how mindfulness and meditation can help us deal with our busy minds; he points out different times in which anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and worry thoughts took him away from being present and pushed him to play-it-safe.

You will hear from Josh how regular mindfulness practice has helped him transform his relationship with his thoughts, become an observer of his thoughts, and be non-judgmental of his worries, fears, and anxieties.

We discuss in particular three practices: exposure exercises, acceptance and commitment skills, and internal family systems.

I leave you with this quote:

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve or would’ve happened… Or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”

– Tupac Shakur

Key Takeaways

What is OCD
What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder
What is Internal Family Systems
What is perspective taking
Values
Exposure therapy
Talk therapy
Transcendental meditation
Choiceless meditation
MBSR

Episode's show notes: https://wp.me/pbqmzq-c0v

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

When was the last time you had an aha moment in which your next steps were clear? Do you remember how it is to be in the midst of a difficult situation, and then, have clarity of what you need to do?

If you pay attention to your experiences, you may notice those aha moments in which your choices are clear - you will be able to clearly see what you are longing for or the changes you need to make in your life.

Without that awareness, it’s easier to play-it-safe, live automatically, and continue to respond to all those anxieties, worries, and fears in the same way you have been doing for years.

One way to build that awareness is through the practice of mindfulness.

In this conversation, Seth Gillihan, Ph.D. and I discuss how to nourish your mindfulness practice. In a world that moves so fast, and there are hundreds of mindfulness apps, books on mindfulness, and mindfulness teachers, it is easy to develop misconceptions surrounding the practice of mindfulness or to hope for a quick fix with it.

But how can you really cultivate your mindfulness practice in your daily life?

Key Takeaways

How to approach mindfulness with a beginner’s mind
The intersection of Christianity and mindfulness
Tips to practice mindfulness in your day-to-day life
How to use movement as a way to practice mindfulness
How to bring yourself back to the present when your mind is wandering
The intersection of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and mindfulness
How to coach yourself to recognize thoughts as thoughts versus getting consumed by them
How to practice non-attachment to how things are supposed to be
The relationship between non-attachment and mindfulness
How looking for evidence for and against a worry may not be helpful
How to use mindfulness skills to manage worry
The benefits of developing an observer-self

Episode's show notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-practice-mindfulness-in-the-middle-of-it-all/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

In this second part of my conversation with Andrew Nalband, we discussed in detail how he manages all the noise that shows up in his head, what has worked, and what hasn’t when dealing with a tendency to do things right and perfectly.

Key Takeaways

Why meditation/mindfulness practices matter
The influence of cell phones on our thinking
The difference between cognitive restructuring and acceptance
A key question to ask yourself when your mind comes up with a lot of thoughts
The impact of “positive thinking” in our wellbeing
How to practice mindfulness on-the-go

Show notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/the-upsides-and-downsides-of-perfectionism-part-2/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly. It depends on how often you do it, when you do it, and how it works in your life in the long run.

What is unhealthy is demanding perfectionism, which involves demanding that you are perfect and do things perfectly, otherwise, you may think of yourself as unworthy, not good enough, or a screw-up. Those particular patterns of perfectionistic actions can generate much anxiety, depression, loneliness, and insurmountable levels of stress, even when it feels good to do things right and perfectly in the moment.

Andrew Nalband is the Chief Executive Officer at Thunk Notes, a tool for thinking and journaling.

In this conversation, Andrew genuinely and kindly shares his struggles with perfectionism, and how he skillfully manages them these days.

Key Takeaways

The raw version of how perfectionistic actions show up
The plus, benefits, and cons of perfectionistic actions
How perfectionistic actions show up in all areas of life
If-then thoughts
How to hold our mind lightly
The beginnings of practicing mindfulness
How to cultivate presence in your day-to-day life

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Stress is nearly unavoidable in our daily lives. Unexpected things can happen to all of us, and often, we may choose to play-it-safe by working harder and harder, doing more and more.

I am sharing today an interview with Espree Devora. Espree has been recently featured in INC Magazine as one of the top 30 women in tech to follow and is known as “The Girl Who Gets it Done.”

Key Takeaways:

How to find your own rhythms to navigate stressful moments
How to get things done without losing yourself
How to keep yourself accountable without being harsh with one’s self
How to practice distress tolerance skills on-the-go

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Have you ever had moments in which you fell in love but didn’t feel seen? Or do you know how it feels to be with someone when they are there, but they are actually not fully there with you?

In this episode, you will learn about misattunement and how, instead of playing-it-safe by avoiding or placating, you can learn skills to emotionally connect, get close to, and be fully present with the people that matter.

Attunement is the ability to be aware of another’s emotional needs and respond appropriately in that particular situation.

I interviewed Kelly Werner, Ph.D., who kindly shares her understanding and approach to struggles driven by chronic misattunement.

Key Takeaways

What is chronic misattunement
Playing-it-safe moves related to chronic misattunement
How chronic misattunement shows up in relationships
A.T.U.N.E (acronym)

More information on this episode: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-develop-emotional-attunement/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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Have you ever gone to the emergency room?

Have you ever thought of how emergency doctors face stress?

Have you ever considered how an emergency doctor manages anxiety as part of their work life?

Today, I’m sharing with you the interview with Dr. Mark Hoffman, M.D., a board certified emergency physician, with over 30 years of practice.

It was a treat to hear from Dr. Hoffman on how he:

Manages stress when taking care of multiple patients at once
Makes decisions when working with patients with acute conditions
Deals with interpersonal stress
Performs a “mental triage”
Juggles all tasks-medical and administrative-during his work shifts

Are the best E.R. doctors the best jugglers?

What can we learn from them?

What can you learn from them?

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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Can’t make up your mind about marrying your girlfriend or not? Can’t make up your mind about the TV you need to buy? Can’t make up your mind about staying or quitting your job?

If the prospect of making a decision makes you feel overwhelmed and paralyzed, then you need to listen to this episode!

In this episode, Dr. Sally Winston, Psy.D. and I discuss the processes behind making a decision and what keeps you stuck when having to make a choice. Quite often, when facing these dilemmas, we play-it-safe by overthinking, dwelling, or ruminating, and end up putting ourselves into analysis-paralysis: thinking a lot about a choice without taking action. If you’re in the habit of not making a choice, you may be dealing with chronic indecisiveness, which is more than ordinary indecisions.

Key Takeaways

The processes behind chronic indecision
How to nurture experiential knowledge
Wise mind
The limitations of pros and cons
How to nurture a wise mind

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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How often do you assume the worst-case-scenario when facing a difficult situation?

When was the last time someone invited you to a party, and you started worrying about it months in advance?

Do you stress about situations that have not happened yet?

Anybody can learn how our minds work and how to work with them. When we are dealing with worries, anxieties, fears, we all play-it-safe. You might be playing it safe. If you get stuck thinking of doom and gloomy scenarios, you may find yourself asking others what to do in order for you to not make any more mistakes.

In this episode, I interview Dr. Sally Winston, Psy.D., an anxiety expert. She and I discuss different skills to manage those thoughts - the future-oriented ones - and those moments in which you get stuck in imagination.

As you listen to this episode, you will learn actionable skills to stop worrying about what might happen and live fully in the moment.

Key Takeaways

What is anticipatory anxiety
How to handle those moments when your imagination hijacks you
Three different levels of fear
The difference between rumination and planning
How to shift from “what if” to “what is”
Dr. Winston’s metaphor of how to handle uncertainty
The opposite of uncertainty … is not what you think it is …
Metacognitions
Productive thinking versus unproductive thinking

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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This is part 2 of my interview with Todd Kashdan, Ph.D.

Key Takeaways

How to persuade others skillfully
How intolerance and speed of uncertainty feed into rigid thinking
The connection between persuasion skills and acceptance and commitment skills
The difference between task-oriented problem solving and relationship problems
What is cognitive diversity and how it plays in our group interactions
How to use cognitive defusion when dealing with interpersonal difficulties
Why viewpoint diversity is good
How to spark curiosity, not fear
How to build stronger alliances during conflict

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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Have you ever played-it-safe by keeping your opinions to yourself?
When was the last time you felt afraid of social rejection that you did not say what you really thought about a topic in fear of rocking the boat?
How often do you play-it-safe by placating and going along with others' opinions so you are liked by others?

Group thinking, agreeing quickly with others, avoiding sharing our opinions, or making sure we don’t rock the boat are the many ways in which we play-it-safe when dealing with fears of rejection, not being liked, or not belonging in a group. But how do those playing-it-safe moves work in our relationships with others and our relationship with ourselves? When is it effective to minimize interpersonal conflict, and when is it not? How and when do we examine our beliefs about how things should be? How do we avoid cognitive rigidity?

In this conversation with Dr. Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., he shares his research on persuasion, healthy dissentment, group thinking, and skills to handle conflict that go beyond assertiveness training.

Key Takeaways:

How group thinking leads us to “underseen” or “overseen” social situations or any other matters
What is healthy resentment
Skills to handle cognitive rigidity
The basics of the science of persuasion
How intolerance of uncertainty plays a role in our thinking
Why people in disadvantage still support leaders that don’t favor them
The case of Evo Morales, the former president of Bolivia, and how group thinking created a different image of his government

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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Have you ever been caught in a spiral of self-criticism? When was the last time your inner critic took over your day?

We all have stories we’ve created about ourselves - some of them positive and some of them negative. If you suffer from low self-esteem, your story may include these types of narratives: “I’m a failure,” “I’ll never be able to do that,” or “if only I were smarter or more attractive, I could be happy.”

Dealing effectively with your inner critic doesn't happen overnight, but if you learn compassionate, evidence-based and actionable skills to handle all those stories, to relate to them skillfully, you can learn to accept yourself as you are and not as who you wish to be.

Key Takeaways

In this conversation, Dr. Joe Oliver, Ph.D. and I discussed:

What is self-esteem
How to handle self-criticism
Defusion: thanking your mind
How to notice when you’re entangled with your mind
How to notice and catch your playing-it-safe moves
The story behind his book
Dealing with the monsters of the negative stories with dignity and respect

Episode notes: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/how-to-boost-your-self-esteem/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Resilience is usually understood as the process and the outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences (American Psychological Association (APA)).

In the information era, being exposed to all types of stressors is the norm and not the exception. We may struggle to learn how to deal with a world that moves fast, pressures us in many different directions, and a world in which hundreds of things are outside of our control.

In this podcast episode, I discuss with Dennis Relojo-Howell the ways in which he became resilient and the different ways to nourish resilient practices.

Dennis is a social entrepreneur, speaker, and resilience researcher, originally born in the Philippines. In 2014, he founded Psychreg, an award-winning media project dedicated to keeping everyone informed about psychology, mental health, and wellness.

In this conversation, Dennis shared:

How he overcame growing up in a stressful environment
How he learned to pursue what matters in the midst of social stressors
How he uses creative writing as a resilient practice

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

60% of people dealing with depression are likely to be dealing with anxiety. If you're anxious, you are also likely to be depressed.

In the case of fear-based struggles, it is much more common to struggle with different types of fears than a single one. So if you’re dealing with attacks, it’s also possible that you're dealing with chronic worry, or if you’re dealing with chronic worry, it’s also possible that you’re struggling with fears of public speaking.

Traditional CBT focuses on treating a disorder such as social anxiety or depression. The problem with focusing on a single disorder is that the root cause of those struggles is not addressed.

A core characteristic of ACT is to focus on teaching you psychological skills to increase your well-being, mental health, and the quality of your life. Instead of focusing on a diagnosis, ACT tackles the drivers of that particular diagnosis; therefore, ACT by nature is what is called a process-based model.

In this conversation Joseph Ciarrochi, Ph.D. and I discuss:

The different psychological processes that are part of any struggle we deal with.
The relationship between psychological processes and evolution.
The importance of variation, selection, retention and context as drivers of changes
The challenges of letting go of “all those stories about who we are.”
The importance of paying attention to our physiological responses when getting stuck

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. We criticize ourselves as a way to think that we're going to be able to control the situation, control ourselves, and control circumstances in order to feel safe. How does it really work for you when you spend hours and hours criticizing yourself? How does it really work when you try to motivate yourself by being harder and harder with yourself?

But what if instead of spending hours and hours of criticizing, negatively judging, and putting yourself down, you learn skills to treat yourself with kindness, gentleness, and care as you would treat others?

In this episode, I interview Dr. Dennis Tirch, Ph.D. Dr. Dennis Tirch founded the Center for Compassion-Focused Therapy in the USA. He has been described as one of the country's foremost experts on CFT and the psychology of compassion.

Dr. Tirch is the author of 6 books and numerous chapters and peer-reviewed articles on mindfulness, acceptance, and compassion in psychotherapy.

With Dr. Laura Silberstein-Tirch and others, Dr. Tirch is currently developing a research protocol involving behavioral science and CFT for treating anxiety, worry, and fear-based difficulties through compassionate courage cultivation.

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(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Are you an overachiever?

Some perfectionistic traits - e.g., being hardworking or paying attention to details - can be extremely handy. But what happens when you don’t do things in moderation and feel compelled to do more and more, do everything right, and avoid mistakes?

In this episode, I chat with Clarissa Ong, Ph.D., about her work on perfectionism.

We discussed in detail:

The coherence trap
Meta-awareness: awareness about awareness
Exposure exercises as awareness exercises
Motivational flexibility
Uncertainty workouts
Self-compassion practices

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

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To be human is to experience worry, fear, anxiety, and stress. To be human is to play-it-safe.

But how do you handle those internal reactions when encountering life-threatening situations?

What if being exposed to those unusual situations is part of your day-to-day life?

Today, I share a special interview with Lance Morrison, former Captain Police Officer.

You will hear different micro-skills Lance uses to handle life-threatening situations such as:

Focusing on one thing at a time.
Compassion-based responses
Focusing on what matters
Exercising

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

(*) Receive weekly science-based, compassionate and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe: subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

This is a super special interview with one of my favorite colleagues and author, Jonathan Kaplan, author of “Urban Mindfulness.”

In this conversation we discussed:

One of Jonathan’s favorite mindfulness exercises: sending warm wishes to people around you
Why playing-it-safe behaviors are natural
What is a playing-it-safe move
Two skills to distinguish effective playing-it-safe moves from ineffective ones
How to handle uncertainty
How to handle ruling-thoughts about thinking (metacognitions)

In the middle of the conversation, you will hear me practicing “how to say” one of my favorite words in English, and one of Jonathan’s favorite jokes related to anxiety and playing-it-safe.

Subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Have you ever felt anxious when driving?
Have you ever had a panic attack?
Have you ever felt an unexpected tingling sensation in your arm?
Do you know how it feels when running a marathon?
Have you ever pushed your body beyond your limits?

In all those scenarios, it’s quite likely you're going to experience some form of bodily-based sensation, and naturally, your brain is going to “make sense of it” by either perceiving it as a threat or as an insignificant sensation.

If your brain perceives those sensations as a threat, it will naturally push you to play-it-safe.

In this conversation with Dr. Diana Hill, you will learn specific skills to handle those uncomfortable bodily sensations, slow down, and fundamentally choose your response.

Subscribe to the Playing-it-safe Newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

In today’s episode of the Playing-It-Safe podcast, Dr. Z. and Lou Lasprugrato, MFT, discuss the various Acceptance and Commitment Skills (ACT) and how they apply to our day-to-day life.

ACT skills are applicable not just for therapy or coaching but as a way of living life. At the end of the day, real change happens by taking action, one action after another.

What we discussed with Lou Lasprugato:

How playing-it-safe moves are part of our day-to-day life
What is perspective-taking or self-as-context within the ACT model
4 ways to think about self-as-context
How to make values-based choices on-the-go
How the 6 ACT processes are intertwined
What's aversive and what's appetitive when looking at your actions

About Lou Lasprugato

Lou Lasprugato is a psychotherapist in California and Virginia, a Peer-Reviewed Trainer in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and a teacher of mindfulness meditation. Lou has facilitated workshops internationally on ACT. He earned his Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology, with a specialization in Holistic Studies from Lesley University, Cambridge, MA, following a career as a professional musician.

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Michael P. Twohig, Ph.D. is the co-director of the ACT Research Group, a licensed psychologist in the state of Utah, and a Professor of Psychology at Utah State University.

In this episode, I chat with Michael about his research on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) on perfectionism, we discuss in particular, one of the papers published in his lab: A randomized controlled trial of acceptance and commitment therapy for clinical perfectionism (2019).

We chatted about the neurological screenings participants completed, the challenging moments of participants being attached to rules about how things are supposed to be, and how distinguishing helpful versus unhelpful perfectionistic actions is introduced in the study.

You will also hear Michael sharing one of his favorite metaphors to facilitate behavioral flexibility.

Subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletterPlaying-it-safe newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Social mediaInstagram: Dr. Z. https://www.instagram.com/dr.z.passionatebehaviorist/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrZ_behaviorist

Dr. Z’s website: www.thisisdoctorz.com

Dr. Z’s therapy/coaching website: www.eastbaybehaviortherapycenter.com

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Self-criticism is a classic playing-it-safe move. What are the harsh criticisms that your mind come up with? How do you handle them? Do you try to replace them with positive thoughts? Do you do more with your life? Do you try to prove yourself that you are an okay person?

I ask all these questions to Dr. Christopher Willard, an expert on mindfulness and self-compassion.

In my conversation with Chris you will hear about:

The purpose or the function of self-criticism. Why do we do it?
The difference between self-compassion and self-esteem
How to handle thoughts like “harsh criticism motivates me or I don’t deserve to be kind to myself”
The difference between gratitude practices and toxic positivity
How to practice gratitude
What the default mode network is
Chris’s upcoming book on resilience
How to develop a perspective-taking.

Chris is a psychologist and an educational consultant, specializing in mindfulness. He serves on the board of directors at the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy, and is the president of the Mindfulness in Education Network. He is the author of Child’s Mind (2010), Growing Up Mindful (2016), Raising Resilience (2017), and eight other books for parents, professionals, and children. He also teaches at Harvard Medical School.

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Dealing effectively with anxiety and the discomfort that comes with it is a fundamental skill. It allows you to do what you care about and excel in life, especially when facing unfamiliar situations or unpleasant moments.

In this episode, I interviewed Dr. Joel Minden. He is the director of the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Diplomate of the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies (A-CBT), and the author of the anxiety management self-help book, “Show Your Anxiety Who’s Boss.”

In this interview, Joel and I discussed:

Three particular skills to manage anxiety

(based on the book “Show Your Anxiety Who’s Boss”)

How to practice acceptance when dealing with anxious thoughts
How to deal with uncertainty
How to practice exposure exercises
Misconceptions about behaviorism

And you will also listen to an acronym that Joel uses in his work and how I get playful when he shares it. Stay tuned!!!

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Show Your Anxiety Who's Boss: A Three-Step CBT Program to Help You Reduce Anxious Thoughts and Worry

Do you deeply care about what you do that you don't measure what it takes you to accomplish a goal?
Are you a very conscientious person that struggles to do things that are not-good-enough?
Are you super-committed to the projects you participate in that you forget to eat, sleep, or hang out with your friends at times?
Are you often preoccupied with thoughts about "I must do well, otherwise I'm bad?"
Are grit and discipline hurting you?

Perfectionistic actions can keep you in a "perfect trap," but it doesn't have to be all bad. You can learn acceptance and commitment skills to release the shackles of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself and its benefits.

There are three important questions for you to answer to figure out whether your perfectionistic actions are working for you or against you.

In this episode, you will listen to an episode from the Audiobook The Upside of Perfectionism: An Acceptance and Commitment Skills

ACT Focused Coaching

If you have specific questions about perfectionistic actions, have been dealing with them for a long time, and want to take things a step further, you can get 1:1 coaching to unpack those specific sticky moments.

In the coaching session, I’ll provide you with:

A roadmap to get unstuck from any form of striving, high-achieving, and perfectionistic behaviors you’re dealing with.
Compassionate and research-based skills to handle moments of stuckness.
ACT skills to enjoy the golden nuggets of striving, perfectionistic, and high-achieving behaviors without hundreds of hours of self-criticism, worrying, and sleepless nights.
Actionable skills to do what you care about – according to your standards – without hurting your relationships or the relationship with yourself.

Get the ACT AUDIO-GUIDE & COACHING here: https://bit.ly/3QlagBk

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When you transition from highschool to college – as it’s called in the United States – or to a University – as it’s called in other parts of the world, such as South America or Europe – you go through a significant life adjustment.

As exciting as it is, there are also a lot of changes happening at once: you need to introduce yourself to new people, get adjusted to living at a different location, be in charge of your own meals, attend classes very early in the morning, speak with the register’s office if something is off, trying to fit in with your new peers, and even finding new hobbies. On top of that, you have to manage fears of failing, dealing with test anxiety, saying the wrong thing or acting in the wrong way to the point that you may engage in playing-it-safe actions like procrastinating, skipping classes, avoiding submitting a paper if it’s not perfect, and many more.

In this episode, I chat with Nic Hooper, a clinical psychologist and a senior lecturer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy at Cardiff University in England.

In 2017 Nic Hooper, began to write a book of life advice to his son, Max, which was to be given to him on his eighteenth birthday. Over time, that book slowly transformed into The Unbreakable Student.

This is an authentic conversation that places values at the forefront.

You will listen in particular about:

Six ways to wellbeing
How to commit to your values
How to practice defusion
How Nic learned to relate to his fears of being a failure
How living our values has transformed Nic’s and my life.

Nic’s website: nichooper.co.uk

Follow Nic’s on twitter @nichooper7!

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Today I have the pleasure to share an interview with Natasha Daniels, MFT, a mental health clinician, author, podcaster and founder of the community AT Parenting.

In our conversation, Natasha and I talked about different playing-it-safe moves when dealing with the fear of social rejection or not fitting in with others.

This is a raw and honest conversation about how Natasha navigated those fears with the added benefits of exposure and self-compassion!

Let’s be honest, sometimes, we are afraid of being rejected by people we care about and also by those we don’t even know.

If you haven’t subscribed to our podcast, please do so!

Click here to listen to this episode:

Apple

Spotify

Website

Natasha's Instagram: @atparentingsurvival

Natasha's Twitter: @atsurvival

Cheering you on always,

Dr. Z.

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One way in which we play-it-safe is by delaying projects, tasks, and shooting for perfection.

In this conversation, visual illustrator, Janis Ozolins, shares how he handles self-doubtful thoughts, perfectionist tendencies, and negative feedback when sharing his illustrations on his platform.

It was special to hear from Janis how he, as a content creator, navigates the internal discomfort that comes when exposing your creative work to the world. An important aspect of Janis’ work is his desire to create value in his illustrations, which can be challenging when your mind pushes you to play-it-safe.

IMPORTANT NEWS: AUDIO GUIDE FOR PERFECTIONISM AND HIGH-ACHIEVING ACTIONS

Do you feel like whatever you do, is never enough?

It is hard for you to sit down and just relax, or have fun?

Do you tend to overextend yourself, but you often don’t realize this until after the fact?

Do you get anxious about the idea of letting people down?

Do you hate ambiguity, you want to know “what, when, and how,” and you want to know it “Now?"

Do you focus on what you are failing to do versus what you accomplish?

If you said YES! to at least 3 of the statements above, this audio-guide is for you!

Learning to tackle all the behaviors associated with perfectionism is key to living a meaningful life. In this audio guide, you will learn 10 key ideas to tackle perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors based on Acceptance and Commitment Training.

Get your audio guide: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/act-for-perfectionism-and-high-achieving-behaviors/

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Repetitive negative thinking (RNT) is a core feature of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression. Recently, some studies have shown promising results with brief protocols of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) focused on RNT in the treatment of emotional disorders in adults. The current study analyzes the effect of an individual, 3-session, RNT-focused ACT protocol in the treatment of severe and comorbid GAD and depression.

Dr Francisco J. Ruiz is among the world’s leading experts on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Relational Frame Theory (RFT). He is currently a Professor in the area of Clinical and Experimental Psychology at the Konrad Lorenz University Foundation in Bogotá, Colombia.

Specifically, Dr Ruiz’s work has focused on developing an ACT-based intervention model designed to dismantle dysfunctional patterns of Repetitive Negative Thinking (RNT), including worry and rumination, know as RNT-focused ACT. He has published more than 75 articles in peer-reviewed journals and served on several editorial boards, including the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, and Frontiers in Psychology.

Among Dr Ruiz’s honors is his appointment as Distinguished Researcher Juan Alberto Aragón at the Konrad Lorenz University Foundation.

In this episode you will hear:

What is repetitive negative thinking
How acceptance and commitment therapy can help you to tackle persistent thoughts about the past or the future
What defusion is
What willingness is

Resources:

Francisco Ruiz’s lab

Acceptance and commitment therapy

Relational Frame Theory of Language

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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).

Cognitive Behavior Therapy traditionally has been focused on delivering specific treatment protocols for specific struggles; for instance, if you were dealing with fears of public speaking as we see in social anxiety, then there was a treatment protocol for you to get better or sometimes five different treatment protocols that you could choose from, based on the clinician you worked with If you were dealing with panic attacks, there was a specific treatment protocol for it.

However, since 2000 Cognitive Behavior Therapy has moved from having a single protocol for a specific disorder - social anxiety, panic, etc- to have a unified protocol for multiple struggles because, in the case of anxiety, for example, it’s much more common to struggle with different types of fears than a single one. So if you’re dealing with attacks it’s also possible that you're dealing with chronic worry, or if you’re dealing with chronic worry it’s also possible that you’re struggling with fears of public speaking. Today I have a chance to speak with Dr. David Barlow, the developer of the Unified Protocol.

In this conversation, you will hear

The basics of a Unified protocol in cognitive Behavior Therapy
What is avoidance and how it works
What’s negative affect and how it works
What’s neuroticism and how it works
Why is important to understand emotions
What are temperamental personality factors

You will also hear me asking Dr. Barlow for permission to be sassy and ask controversial questions.

What’s a process in behavior therapy?

Is process-based therapy different from the unified protocol?

What is a transdiagnostic process: is an intervention different than a process? Is a transdiagnostic process a way in which people cope with internal experiences?

Tune in, you don't want to miss how cognitive behaviorists are thinking of therapy these days and how this informs your experience in therapy or coaching when dealing with fear-based struggles.

About Dr. Barlow

Dr. Barlow received his Ph.D. from the University of Vermont and has published over 650 articles and chapters and over 90 books and clinical manuals, mostly in the areas of anxiety and related emotional disorders and clinical research methodology. He is formerly a Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Mississippi Medical Center and a Professor of Psychiatry and Psychology at Brown University.

Dr. Barlow was also a Distinguished Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University at Albany, State University of New York, and Director of the Phobia and Anxiety Disorders Clinic at the University at Albany, SUNY.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT).

Cognitive Behavior Therapy traditionally has been focused on delivering specific treatment protocols for specific struggles; for instance, if you were dealing with fears of public speaking as we see in social anxiety, then there was a treatment protocol for you to get better or sometimes five different treatment protocols that you could choose from, based on the clinician you worked with If you were dealing with panic attacks, there was a specific treatment protocol for it.

However, since 2000 Cognitive Behavior Therapy has moved from having a single protocol for a specific disorder - social anxiety, panic, etc- to have a unified protocol for multiple struggles because, in the case of anxiety, for example, it’s much more common to struggle with different types of fears than a single one. So if you’re dealing with attacks it’s also possible that you're dealing with chronic worry, or if you’re dealing with chronic worry it’s also possible that you’re struggling with fears of public speaking. Today I have a chance to speak with Dr. David Barlow, the developer of the Unified Protocol.

In this conversation, part 1, you will hear

The basics of a Unified protocol in cognitive Behavior Therapy
What is avoidance and how it works
What’s negative affect and how it works
What’s neuroticism and how it works
Why is important to understand emotions
What are temperamental personality factors

You will also hear me asking Dr. Barlow for permission to be sassy and ask controversial questions.

What’s a process in behavior therapy?

Is process-based therapy different from the unified protocol?

What is a transdiagnostic process: is an intervention different than a process? Is a transdiagnostic process a way in which people cope with internal experiences?

Tune in, you don't want to miss how cognitive behaviorists are thinking of therapy these days and how this informs your experience in therapy or coaching when dealing with fear-based struggles.

About Dr. Barlow

Dr. Barlow received his Ph.D. from the University of Vermont and has published over 650 articles and chapters and over 90 books and clinical manuals, mostly in the areas of anxiety and related emotional disorders and clinical research methodology. He is formerly a Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Mississippi Medical Center and a Professor of Psychiatry and Psychology at Brown University.

Dr. Barlow was also a Distinguished Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University at Albany, State University of New York, and Director of the Phobia and Anxiety Disorders Clinic at the University at Albany, SUNY.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How to cultivate loneliness & why it is important to do so:

Most people are uncomfortable with loneliness because it means facing yourself without distractions.

But, as much as you don’t like it, you can learn from it and perhaps even cultivate it.

Sometimes, without realizing and other times, intentionally. We do all types of things to avoid feeling lonely and to manage our sense of loneliness..

But, how do those strategies work in our life? And if they’re not working, what can you do about it…that’s what this episode is about!

In this episode, you will be invited to:

Reflect on how you handle loneliness
Your playing-it-safe moves when feeling alone
How to cultivate loneliness without losing yourself

“The average human lifespan is absurd, terrifying, insultingly short. But that isn’t a reason for unremitting despair or for living in an anxiety-fueled panic about making the most of your limited time. It’s a cause for relief. You get to give up on something that was always impossible - the quest to become the optimized, infinitely capable, emotionally, invincible, fully independent person you’re officially supposed to be. Then you get to roll up your sleeves and start work on that’s gloriously possible instead.”

In the information era, it’s natural that everyone talks about productivity and how to do things. But Oliver Burkeman has a different take: “actually, you can’t do anything and you need to come to terms with that…”

In this second part of my conversation with Oliver Burkeman, we discussed:

How Oliver manages his worries, fears, and anxieties
How Oliver manages negative thoughts
What bothers him about self-psychology
What emotions are
His thoughts on the notion of work-life balance

This conversation with Oliver reminds me of the preciousness of being alive and that, we’re all in the process of learning and re-learning what works in life!

Hope you enjoy the episode!!!

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It was an honor to chat with Oliver Burkeman, columnist for the Guardian, journalist by training, and author of the books: “4000 weeks: time management for mortals and happiness: the antidote for people who can’t stand positive thinking.”

I have been following Oliver’s work for years and had so many questions to ask him, but of course, there were time constraints. So I did my best to ask him about his writing process and the story behind his books, how he practices acceptance, gratitude, and other psychological processes, and his take on some sassy comments he has made over the years.

If you haven’t read Oliver’s books, I highly recommend them! He’s one of those writers that do a fantastic job sharing science in a story format, and he does it so elegantly that after you read either a chapter he wrote or his column in the Guardian, you want to read more.

This conversation has 3 segments:

Oliver’s writing process and how he handles interruptions, self-criticism, time anxiety, and comparison thoughts related to writing.
How Oliver experiences gratitude, acceptance, and approaches day-to-day challenges.
Oliver’s take on different topics: the problem with self-help books, what emotions are, the difference between meaning and happiness

And if you listen to the end, you will hear who Oliver would like to have a scotch and cigar with!

As I finish writing this conversation, I remind myself of the last paragraph in Oliver’s book, The Four Thousand Weeks:

“The average human lifespan is absurd, terrifying, insultingly short. But that isn’t a reason for unremitting despair or for living in an anxiety-fueled panic about making the most of your limited time. It’s a cause for relief. You get to give up on something that was always impossible - the quest to become the optimized, infinitely capable, emotionally, invincible, fully independent person you’re officially supposed to be. Then you get to roll up your sleeves and start work on something that’s gloriously possible instead.”

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Are you getting in the way of your own best life?

one of the ways in which many of us get in the way of our best life is by playing it safe

You might be playing it safe if you ...

Get stuck thinking doom and gloom scenarios
Ask others what to do so you don’t make a mistake
Feel like an imposter despite all your accomplishments
Doubt your competency and ability to handle challenging situations
Spontaneously go back to the past and dwell on troublesome situations
Avoid situations or people that make you feel uncomfortable even though it causes you problems
Put off an activity when it’s too overwhelming but beat yourself up because you’re not getting it done
Are overly careful about what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, and what you’re doing so you don’t make mistakes
Do your best to think optimistically and positively even though your mind keeps coming up with negative thoughts

Your playing-it-safe moves might feel right at the time, but they can also keep you stuck.

Do you know what's your playing-it-safe profile?

Learn which playing-it-safe moves are working against you and how to change them.

Here is what you need to do:

(1) Listen to this episode

(2) Take the Playing-It-Safe Questionnaire

(3) Figure out your Playing-it-safe profile.

https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-questionnaire/

Do you feel as if you're the only person responsible for others' wellbeing at all times? How do you go about making decisions?⁣ ⁣ What about small ones?⁣ ⁣ Do you get overwhelmed with the possibility of failure? Do you spend hours criticizing yourself? Is it challenging to say present in the moment?⁣ ⁣ Do you postpone activities that feel anxiety-provoking? Do you have high standards for yourself? Do you put pressure on yourself to make the right decisions? Do you minimize your accomplishments and feel that what you're doing is not enough?

These are characteristics of perfectionism and high achieving behaviors. Get a 10-part audio guide to learn to harness the power of perfectionism and learn to do things that your care about without losing yourself!

Click here: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/act-for-perfectionism-and-high-achieving-behaviors/

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Are you worried about making poor financial decisions?

Have you ever felt ashamed of your finances?

How do you relate to money?

Financial anxiety is real for most of us.

Quite often we do play-it-safe by avoiding financial decisions, predicting gloom and doom scenarios about potential decisions or we get paralyzed with what-if financial scenarios.

So, I’m excited to share with you a conversation I had with Amanda Clayman, a trained clinician specializing in money issues. In this interview, she kindly shares:

Her personal experience of stuckness with money
How Amanda creates a context to make values-based decisions about money
How you can relate to money as a way to expand your life (instead of contracting it)
How you can handle the shame, anxiety, and fears that come when making financial decisions

This conversation was very refreshing and hope you find it useful.

We often have mechanistic views about ourselves “I’m bad, ugly, stupid, etc” and believe that when having any negative thoughts, painful memories feeling or they need to be fixed, repaired, or replaced.

At times we believe that we lack “confidence” or “self-esteem”.

But what if our internal experiences are just that, internal experiences.

What if what we do with them or what we do in response to them is much more important than what those experiences are?

In this brief episode, I share with you a particular psychological concept that is at the heart of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Context and how you can understand your behavior in context.

I promise you this episode doesn’t have fancy jargon or complicated words; it’s the opposite. I did my best to share with you an important psychological construct in a simple and actionable way so you can get better at living a purposeful life.

IMPORTANT NEWS: REGISTRATION FOR THE ONLINE CLASS "ACT BEYOND PERFECTIONISM" STARTS IN A COUPLE OF DAYS:

Enter your email to be notified here: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/act-for-perfectionism-and-high-achieving-behaviors/

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How do top athletes think about their physical struggles - pain, exhaustion, thirst - when competing?

How do the top athletes push their bodies to the absolute limit over hours or days of competition?

When feeling under significant pressure or in high stake situations, It’s natural that our mind may jump to conclusions about what’s going on or what’s going to happen; it's natural that our mind may jump into thinking traps. It’s natural that our mind may compare our performance with others’ performance. . . It’s natural that our minds may convince us to stop trying, to give up, to stop competing . . .

I had the honor of interviewing Alex Hutchinson, a journalist, former Canadian national team distance runner, current award-winning science journalist, and author of the book Endure.

In this conversation Alex, kindly shares

His writing process
How he decided to write Endure
How he maintains a scientific approach to his writing
How he handles the uncertainty of not knowing
How to think about physical sensations during a high athletic performance
How to relate to physical discomfort when competing at a professional level

This conversation has reminded me, once again, about the importance of scientific humbleness; and how, when doing what we care about, keeping ourselves in check, is crucial to keep science going.

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Our minds need to make sense of things that happen to us, all the time, and one way in which they do so is by telling stories, narratives and tales about who we are, what has happened or not happened to us, why you behave in one way or another.

When your mind is in story-telling mode, all those thoughts - no matter how absurd or unlikely they are, - they seem so true to you.

Your mind has a hard time telling the difference between fact and fiction, and if you don’t pay attention, you will get hooked on those thoughts; and when getting hooked, you will take those stories as the absolute truth.

Right now, you may have several stories coming into your mind about who you are and you may have an urge to do something about those stories.

Before doing anything, I want to invite you to listen to this episode and learn 7 skills - based on Acceptance and Commitment training - that you can put

“Three things in human life are important.

The first is to be kind.

The second is to be kind.

And the third is to be kind.”

-Henry James

This is a personal conversation I had with Chris Brock, a magazine editor and journalist, who kindly shares the stuckness he went through when feeling lost despite having done all things right on paper (e.g. having a job, getting married, completing a degree, etc).

Have you ever felt like Chris?

Who doesn’t feel lost?

How did you get back into your life?

Chris, courageously and kindly shared, how he:

Watches his mind
Practices mindfulness in his day-to-day life
Manages criticizing thoughts
Checks if he's playing-it-safe too much

Finally, I’ll leave you with Chris’ words:

“Only when we are truly ourselves, can we live a life that is truly our own.”

"You must be vulnerable to be sensitive to reality. And to me being vulnerable is just another way of saying that one has nothing more to lose. I don’t have anything but darkness to lose. I’m way beyond that."

Bob Dylan.

We often play-it-safe by hiding, avoiding, minimizing, and acting as if we're not struggling. But it's human to struggle; it's human to ask for compassion; it's human to be embarrassed; it's human to be vulnerable.

In the first part of this conversation with Seth Gillihan, Ph.D., he kindly shares:

His health struggles
How he uses behavioral steps to navigate his day
How he uses mindfulness to distinguish what he has control of and what he doesn't
How he deals with shameful feelings.

In the second part of this conversation, Seth shares how he and his daughter collaborated together to write the CBT Deck for Kids and Teens.

I hope you find this conversation helpful and hope it motivates you to be more compassionate with yourself.

__

IMPORTANT NEWS: ACT beyond OCD is happening, JANUARY, 2022!

ACT beyond OCD, a live, and cohort-based, online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening its doors in January.

If you want to learn how to tackle pesky obsessions using Acceptance and Commitment Skills and Exposure,, make sure to register in the waitlist:www.actbeyondocd.com

Please keep in mind that we only run this class twice a year!

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

CBT Deck for Kids and Teens: 58 Practices to Quiet Anxiety, Overcome Negative Thinking and Find Peace

We all play it safe, that's the norm and not the exception. Our playing-it-safe tendencies move in a continuum from being adaptive on one end to being unhelpful on the other. And one of the ways we play it safe is by pushing hard and working hard.

In this conversation, I interview Diana Hill, a clinical psychologist, co-author of the book ACT daily Journal and co-host of the psychology podcast Psychologists Off The Clock. Dr. Hill discussed how you can catch the cycle of striving.

And in the second part of the conversation, Dr. Hill answers this question: How do yoga and acceptance and commitment skills blend together?

Dr. Hill shares how to:

Move from mental experiences into the real direct experiences
How to start using an embodied approach to notice internal experiences
How you can practice the exercise "one eye in and one eye out" as a starting point to step back from internal experiences.

Finally, at the end of the conversation, you will hear Dr. Hill's recommendation on how to make the best of the ACT Daily Journal, if you just started working on it.

You can find more on Dr. Hill on her website: www.drdianahill.com

____

IMPORTANT NEWS: ACT beyond OCD is coming IN JANUARY, 2022!

ACT beyond OCD, a live, and cohort-based, online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening its doors in January.

If you want to learn how to tackle pesky obsessions using Acceptance and Commitment Skills and Exposure, make sure to register on the waitlist: www.actbeyondocd.com

Please keep in mind that we only run this class twice a year!

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

As Chris Martin would say, the curiosity didn't kill the cat. In fact, she's alive and well."

Today, I'm sharing with you an interview with Chris Martin, a content producer and creativity coach who helps people unleash their creative fire by transforming imaginative ideas into tangible reality.

Chris is a very caring creative person that asks deep questions, creates engaging projects, and is an ongoing source of encouragement for any person that collaborates with him. In fact, since the beginning of the Playing-it-safe podcast, Chris has been a key person helping me to brainstorm ideas and troubleshoot all types of technical challenges.

If you're starting a creative project and want to get skills-based coaching, ongoing support, and collaborate with a person that genuinely cares about what you do, take a look at Chris's community: Curiosity Builders.

In this conversation, you will hear in particular how Chris handles overwhelming emotions, feedback, and personal narratives in regard to creative projects. And you will also hear specific tips to practice curiosity as a super-power!

Question for you: Are you subscribed to the Playing-it-safe podcast?

If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix in the next couple of months and if you're not subscribed, you will them out.

And if you have a minute, I welcome a review. I'll be very grateful if you leave a review on iTunes too! Those reviews are super helpful for others to find this podcast!

Just select "ratings and reviews" and "write a review" and let me know your favorite part of the podcast! Many thanks!

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

As a species, we are hardwired to avoid, control, and escape whatever makes us uncomfortable. That’s natural and expected.

To avoid is to be human. But what happens when we avoid things that we care about because they make us uncomfortable or sad?

What happens when we disconnect from the things that matter to us because we’re trying to control what we feel? What’s the long-term outcome of avoidant behaviors in our lives?

When you make a habit of avoiding the situations and activities that bring up discomfort, and the avoidance becomes a chronic pattern, then it's time to make a shift.

This episode will help you recognize avoidance behaviors that have been keeping you stuck and will tell you how to get mobilized. You will learn 3 specific activities you need to schedule in your weekly calendar to stop disconnecting and get back to your life.

IMPORTANT NEWS FOR YOU:

NEW BOOK: ACT for Perfectionism and High Achieving Behaviors: Do Things Your Way, Be Yourself, and Live a Purposeful Life.

Get your copy here: https://amzn.to/3xT7j0T

Wanting to give your best, making the best decisions you can, and striving to have all the information when something matters to you, doing these things makes sense because you care deeply. That’s not necessarily the problem; the problem is when these behaviors go unchecked, take on lives of their own, and become more debilitating than fulfilling

This is not a book in which you will read the usual clichés about high-achieving and perfectionistic actions. This is a book that shows you how to nurture, cultivate, and enrich your drive for high achievement without the sleepless nights, many hours of regret, years of blaming and criticizing yourself, or dwelling relentlessly on worries, fears, and anxieties.

I believe—and behavioral science shows—that to create and live the life we want, we need to learn to accept ourselves as we really are, rather than as we wish to be. And if you’re prone to being a high achiever and a perfectionist, this book is an invitation to do so.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors

How often do you play-it-safe by minimizing what's important to you and avoiding conversations?

In this conversation, I interview Debbie Sorensen, a clinical psychologist, co-author of the book ACT daily Journal, and co-host of the psychology podcast Psychologists Off The Clock. In this episode, Debbie and I chat about different micro-skills, based on Acceptance and Commitment Training, that you can use to approach conversations that matter to you.

Here are the resources that we discussed in the conversation with Debbie:

Conversation with Steve Hayes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u0DfL65Yq0

ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

https://www.newharbinger.com/9781684037377/

Debbie's webpage: www.drdebbiesorensen.com

Imagine what would happen if you made choices to give just 10% more of yourself to your career?

Imagine if you make choices to give just 15% more of yourself to your relationships?

Imagine how your life would change if you make choices to give 20% more to your health?

That’s what’s amazing about acknowledging the many moments of choice you have every time you're breathing. The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately, most people live in automatic pilot mode, without paying attention to the choices they’re making and without realizing, they live small and play-it-safe all the time.

In this episode, I share with you 3 particulars states that you need to pay attention to in order to catch your moments of choices so you can stop playing it safe and starting living a purposeful life.

Complete the Playing-it-safe questionnaire to figure out:

Your playing-it-safe profile
Which playing-it-safe behaviors keep you stuck
What you need to change is to stop playing small and start living a meaningful life.

Click here to figure out your Playing-it-safe profile:

https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-questionnaire/

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

One way in which we play-it-safe is by “discounting what’s important to us or minimizing our needs.” Of course, in relationships sometimes we prioritize the relationships’ needs versus our individual needs. And yet, if this playing-it-safe move goes unchecked we may end up living lives that are not fulfilling, meaningful or rewarding.

In this conversation, I chatted with Paul Ollinger, a nationally-touring stand-up comedian, podcaster, and former digital sales leader.

This conversation was a powerful one because:

Paul shares in detail how he made a shift, twice, from having a career that looked perfect on the outside and was enjoyable, - great benefits, stable, great people to work with - to creating a career path that was meaningful and purposeful.

Paul shared the key questions he asked himself when figuring out what gives him meaning in this career:

What would happen if I gave it all that I got in this life?

What is my day-to-day life going to look like when I’m into this?

What’s success?

What’s my stress going to be about?

Who will I spend time with?

Lastly, Paul shared his behind-the-scenes process when preparing for a stand-up show, starting with idea collection and ending in his mindset when performing in front of an audience.

You have heard me say this before, we all play-it-safe. The challenge is when we do it, how often we do it, and how we do it. Discounting what matters to us is just another playing-it-safe move and we better watch out for it!

Get compassionate, research-based, and actional tips to stop playing-it-safe: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I never have heard a person say "I'm concerned about how kind, caring, and compassionate I'm with myself."

Most of us may go into a judgemental mode when making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, or looking back at actions we took in the past. Sometimes, we may even hold onto beliefs that "by being tough with ourselves, we're keeping ourselves in check so we don't make the same mistakes again." We do have tricky minds!

Here is what I can tell you: the science of self-compassion has shown us that "kindness takes us far."

In this conversation with Jonny Say, part 2, he shares three different ways to practice self-compassion: (1) relying on empathic and validating statements, (2) noticing the common humanity of our vulnerable moments, and (3) self-correcting our actions.

You will also hear me sharing a recent struggle I encountered and how self-compassion practices can be handy in those moments!

The fear of being a failure is more common than what we know, and it drives many struggles: perfectionism, procrastination, low moods, and many more.

But are you aware of how it shows up and how you handle it?

In this episode, I invite you to answer 3 questions that will help you to figure out how you handle the fear of being a failure!

Don't forget to subscribe to the Playing-it-safe so you can get better and better at living your life: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Do you ever wonder how a person makes ideas happen? How a person creates a concept and puts it into action in a campaign, art, or book? How do ideas scale to the point that they're so popular and well established? Do you ever wonder how a creative mind chooses an idea and how they discount hundreds of them when pursuing a creative project?

In this interview, I chat with Aaron Harvey, co-founder of Made of Millions, a non-profit organization that is at the vanguard of creating social media campaigns in mental health. We learn behind the scenes how he and his team conceive ideas and execute them. Made of Millions has been rebranding mental health, developing impactful messages for the lay audience, and creating awareness about mental health in work environments. In a casual conversation, Aaron shared his process as a creative person and how he conceives an idea, how he handles creative stuckness, how he manages fears of his ideas not landing well, how he scales ideas and how he knows when to step back from an idea.

This was a very special conversation and hope you enjoy it!

When I ask people how often they get lost in their thoughts, most of them say "a lot." There wasn't a single I've talked to who said "never." Perhaps, that's not a surprise.

Our minds are a powerful content-generating machine that is constantly generating all types of thoughts. If you pay attention, your mind is coming up with all types of soundtracks about the past or the future. Does that sound familiar?

You cannot choose what picture, image, or thought your mind may come up with, but you can choose what to do next. In this episode, I share with you 3 tips to handle future-oriented soundtracks that your mind may come up with!

Subscribe & review in iTunes!

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix in the next couple of months and if you're not subscribed, you will them out.

Click here to subscribe

And if you have a minute, I welcome a review. I'll be very grateful if you leave a review on iTunes too! Those reviews are super helpful for others to find this podcast!

Just select "ratings and reviews" and "write a review" and let me know your favorite part of the podcast! Many thanks!

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of

worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection

to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and

how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking,

Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t

change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging."

Brene Brown

In this conversation, Jonny Say discussed with Dr. Z. his take on self-compassion, what's unique about Compassion Focused Therapy, what's behind our self-harsh criticism, and how we can learn different ways to relate to them.

Jonny primarily uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Compassion Focused Therapy in his client work and has created a number of resources on his YouTube Channel and Guided Meditation Library to support mental health and well-being. He believes passionately in the power of ACT and CFT for mental health recovery, having experienced his own challenges with Anxiety & Depersonalisation, OCD and Depression in the past.

You can connect with Jonny and the Mindfulness Circle on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulnesscircle/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvoYN3priYPLQ278FFu_J0w

Twitter: https://twitter.com/mindfulcircle

*

Subscribe & review on itunes!

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you're not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don't want you to miss an episode. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix in the next couple of months and if you're not subscribed, you will them out.

Click here to subscribe

And if you have a minute, I welcome a review. I'll be very grateful if you leave a review on iTunes too! Those reviews are super helpful for others to find this podcast!

Just select "ratings and reviews" and "write a review" and let me know your favorite part of the podcast! Many thanks!

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

A lot of our struggles come from holding onto thoughts as rules - ruling-thoughts - without checking how they work in our day-to-day life. In this episode, I discuss 3 specific ruling-thoughts that could be keeping you stuck.

Rate, Review, & Subscribe on Apple Podcasts

“I love the Playing-it-safe podcast.” <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing this podcast!

This helps me support more people — like you — that want to handle perfectionism, procrastination, anxiety, and all types of fear-based emotions effectively.

You can go to apple podcasts, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, subscribe to the podcast. I'll be adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the feed and, if you’re not subscribed, there’s a good chance you’ll miss out. It takes one second to subscribe!

Imagine for a moment that all knowledge is represented in the shape of a pie that adds up to 100%; there is maybe 5% of things we know, another 15% of what we don’t know, and 80% of things we don’t know we don’t know.

The reality is that as much as we want, wish, and hope for, we don’t know the answer to many things: Am I making the right decision? Am I going to be accepted? Is this the right way to spend my time? Is this a good partner for me? Would I like this job?

Though it is not comfortable, all those thoughts demand you to act and solve the unbearable “not-knowing” problem.

In this episode, I share with you a single tip for you to check how you relate to uncertainty.

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors soon; you can register in the waitlist here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

Important reminder: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

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In this week's episode of the Playing-it-Safe podcast, I chat with Sarah Peck, founder of Startup Parent, an open water swimmer, a trained yoga teacher, and a writer.

In this conversation, Sarah shares how she gives herself permission to be a good enough parent, how she handles worry thoughts about her parenting, and how she manages her day-to-day activities as a mom, partner, and coach.

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors on June 28th; you can register on the waitlist here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

Important reminder: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Values" is a word that gets thrown around a great deal these days, and it means different things to different people. In this episode, Dr. Z describes what values are within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and what they're not.

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors soon; you can register in the waitlist here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

Important reminder: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

From the outside our lives may look great, fun, and perfect!

But sometimes, our lives get messy, complicated, and hard to handle because unexpected things happen. On top of that, some contextual situations make things extra hard for us: struggles with mental health, being of a different race, having a different gender identity, belonging to a different religious group, and many more.

In this conversation I chat with Rae Senarighi, an international fine artist, designer, and muralist; transgender, and cancer survivor.You will listen directly how Rae practices self-compassion, self-acceptance and gratitude on a day-to-day life.

Do you struggle with overthinking problems? Do you think and think to the point of feeling anxious, hopeless, or stressed out? Have you ever tried to “think your way out” of one of these thought spirals?

In this episode, Dr. Z discusses why it is important to develop a new relationship with your mind and how to do so. She shares three specific tips that you can put into action right away!

Before you go, we do have a couple of things to tell you about!

(1) ACT beyond OCD, an online class for any person struggling with OCD is opening doors soon; you can register in the wait list here: www.actbeyondocd.com

(2) If you want to get weekly free content from us right to your inbox, subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://playingitsafe.zone

(3) If you're generous, we welcome a review on Apple podcasts; your review will help to make this free resource available to others that want to get unstuck from anxiety. It takes 30 seconds to write a review and we love reading them!

(4) You can follow Dr. Z on Instagram @dr.z.passionatebehaviorist or Twitter @DrZ_behaviorist

Important reminder: this podcast is for educational purposes and not a replacement for professional mental health.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this conversation you will hear how Dr. Jill Stoddard, a TEDx speaker, author, ACT clinician, and mother of two children, practices self-compassion, develops a growth- mindset, and faces her fears of not being an expert on a given topic.

If you like this episode, and feel generous, please write us a review! It helps with making this podcast available to others!

If you want to receive weekly tips to get unstuck from worries, fears, anxieties, obsessions and panic, make sure to subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

In this episode, Dr. Z. share with you some tips on how to practice mindfulness-on-the-go when things go wrong, south, and terribly bad.

Subscribe to playing-it-safe newsletter so you can get weekly research-based tips to handle all types of anxiety: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Few times we have the opportunity to see how therapists walk the walk, put into action what they know about managing fears, anxieties and worries, and what it means to make a shift from struggling to thriving.

In this personal, relatable and real conversation, I chat with Michael Heady, LCPC and discuss how the fears of making mistakes, having high standards and imposter syndrome show up and how we all can learn to handle them effectively.

Learn research-based skills and actionable steps to make better decisions, adjust to uncertain situations, make bold moves, and do more of what matters to you.

Subscribe to our newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Mindfulness practices go hand-in-hand with compassion practices. There are so many ways to put them into action in our lives.

In this episode, I share a brief tip that you can practice anytime and anywhere to show kindness to yourself and discuss what connects mindfulness and self-compassion.

Get weekly tips to get better at handling fear-based reactions and move forward in your life: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

One of the roots of humility comes from Latin and it means "from earth." Humility is about being grounded and recognizing that we're humans, flawed and fallible.

This second part of my conversation with Steve Hayes, PhD., co-founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), is about the role of humility in science, in our lives, and in our belief systems.

You will hear specifically:

(1) How Steve cultivates humility as a scientist

(2) How Steve keeps himself humble and checks his ego

(3) How behavioral science invites all of us to be humble with our beliefs

(4) How behavioral science offers us a lens to understand polarized messages

And whom Steve would like to have a chat with!

You can read what behavioral science really is about here: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/the-old-the-new-whats-in-about-being-a-behaviorist/

If you like the podcast, I would very much appreciate it if you would leave a review on Apple podcasts!

In this episode Dr. Z shares how to practice mindfulness on-the-go when dealing with overwhelming fear-based emotions, why practicing mindfulness-on-the-go in your day-to-day life is important, and tips to catch some of the most common responses when dealing with uncomfortable experiences.

Each week I create resources to get unstuck from worries, fears, anxieties, and obsessions so you can stop playing-it-safe and start living. If you think these resources are helpful, please share them with others!

Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Many of us grew up in a world that told us that we should be fearless, jump off the cliff, and eliminate fear from our lives. In a very intimate conversation, I chat with Steve Hayes, Ph.D., a co-founder of acceptance and commitment therapy, about his relationship to fear, anxieties, and worries and how his personal experience and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) unfolded simultaneously.

This is Part 1 of a very personal conversation with Steve, and it gives us a peek into the life behind the scenes of a person that published over hundreds of academic papers and academic books, trained hundreds of clinicians, presented at countless of international conferences and developed a model of psychological science that has exploded in the last 30 years.

Get weekly resources to get unstuck from fear-bases struggles so you can start living:

https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

What to listen for:

What was difficult for Dr. Hayes dealing with fear:
How Steve made a pivot from struggling with fear since very early in his life to learning to live with it.

-How Steve learned to observe his fears, be curious about them, be interested on them, and at times, appreciate them.

How Steve practices self-compassion when struggling
How Steve determined his values and how they helped him to navigate through daily life
How Steve handled his fears about his first TEDx talk.
How Steve's personal experience shaped the development of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Stay tuned for part 2!

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Do you have to have a puppy face or a poker facer when practicing mindfulness? Is mindfulness different than meditation?

Mindfulness is all over; in academic settings, social media, low-key conversations, tv shows, media news, and more. We're living in a mindfulness revolution. Yet, despite all the dissemination, there are still misconceptions about it. In this episode, Dr. Z discusses common myths about mindfulness, how to practice it, and how you can put it into action in your day-to-day life.

Each week I create resources to get unstuck from worries, fears, anxieties and obsessions so you can stop playing-it-safe and start living. Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

In this episode, Dr. Z. speaks briefly about the intersection of procrastination and perfectionism. How, although they may seem to be different and isolated problems, they are in fact not.

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New episode: interview with Dr. Cheryl Robinson, @embracethepivot, also known as the Queen of Pivoting.

We chatted about how people make pivots in their careers and in their mindsets.In her research, Cheryl has identified 3 processes that help people to make a pivot; she shared the specifics of each one of them in our conversation. We also chatted about self-confidence and discussed how we think of it, what's similar, and what's different in our views.

Subscribe to our newsletter Playing-it-safe and receive research-based tips to get unstuck from worries, fears, anxieties and obsessions: https://www.thisisdoctorz.com/playing-it-safe-newsletter/

Is it wrong to pay attention to details? How does it really work? In this episode I discuss how selective attention leads us to perfectionistic behaviors and invite you to check the impact of those actions when doing things that you deeply care about.

Check more on perfectionism on our website: https://playingitsafe.zone

In this episode I chat with Clarisa Ong, a predoctoral intern at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School. We discussed the difference between values and pliance, how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approaches perfectionistic behaviors, what's unique about it, and how to pay attention to rules when wanting to do things right and perfect.

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This is part 3 of a series of perfectionism. In this episode, I share five skills you can practice to handle the fear of making mistakes when it's getting in your way of living a rich, purposeful and meaningful life.

Make sure to subscribe to the Playing-it-safe newsletter!

In this episode, I chat with Elizabeth Saunders, a Time Coach that specializes in helping her clients to "get things done" in a way that is sustainable, livable and enjoyable. Elizabeth shares with us how she was playing-it-safe by working as much as she could, how she made the shift from being a human-doing to a human-being, how she approaches projects by considering seasonal distress, how she handles her fears of not doing things right, and how she overcomes anxious moments by taking action and getting experiential knowledge.

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Are you invested in doing things right and perfect? Are you spending hours and hours getting things done to the point that you get trapped in your mind and don't take action. If the answer is yes, this is a series you can listen to. In this episode, I discuss what's behind those perfectionistic behaviors and what you can do to handle them effectively.

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In this episode I chat with Paul Jarvis, author of Company of One, and a proponent that "less is more" when running your business. In this conversation, you will hear how Paul handles his fears of making mistakes, impostor syndrome, how he went from writing a cooking book to writing Company of One, how he approaches larger projects, and who he would like to have a cup of coffee with.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Are you invested in doing things right and perfect? Are you spending hours and hours getting things done to the point that you get trapped in your mind and don't take action. If the answer is yes, this is a series you can listen to.

See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this episode Dr. Z. chats with Russ Harris, M.D., author of The Happiness Trap, The Reality Slap and many other self-help books. Russ shares how he applies skills from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - grounding, defusion, acceptance - to his writing process. In particular, he shares how he handles his fears of making mistakes, thoughts about his writing not being good enough, his inner critic, and the overwhelming feelings and anxieties that show up when he's writing.

Jason Adam Kazenstein, is the author of "Everything is an Emergency." In this interview, we talked about his creative process when working on his comic book, his successes in dealing with obsessions, how he handles different types of fears, in particular fears about uncertainty, making mistakes, and not doing things right & perfect.

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In this trailer you will get an overview of what the PLAYING-IT-SAFE podcast is about.

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