Here Be Dragons Podcast: Recent Episodes
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He is angry. He is German. He has foam weaponry. And he is completely fed up with American live-action role-players (Larpers) not taking this thing seriously. I often display the same level of frustration whenever Jesse describes how adorable his...
I’ve often been accused of selfishness, egotism, hypocrisy, stealing change, encouraging prostitution, unreliability, inappropriate displays of wit, sleeplessness, liking hockey, yelling at imprudent times and targets, shoplifting fantasy novels, cheapness, locking myself out of my own bathroom, lateness, anti-Semitism, loquaciousness,...
Due to the holiday I will be dedicating most of my time to binge-eating, holiday shopping and napping (in no particular order and often simultaneously). So, following the lead of Mr. Ackles, I won't be posting anything of my own...
It’s been a long road for Joel Ropesman. A long, excruciating, improbable road. Joel’s is a journey beset by hardship. By confusion. By disfigurement. And by huge swarms of monstrous insects. Join us for the conclusion of Joel’s exciting journey...
This is an old favorite of mine. From the Coldwater Daily Reporter in Michigan, an op-ed piece I came across while working for Balthazar last year. -JRA Coldwater, Mich. To the Editor: Some of Bush’s oil friends want to rent...
Hello, listener. Welcome (back?) to Hear Be Dragons. My name’s Zack. If this were a legitimate podcast with even a smidgen of merit or credibility, my position would be what is commonly referred to as “producer”, but enough with the...
Greetings there, shitbirds – This here blog entry may not be cohesive with respect to the preceding posts. You see, I didn’t even get through Jesse’s demonstration, er, experimentation, ummm, provocation from the other day. We’re trying to make things...
I moved to Logan Square from Humboldt Park this weekend. One advantage to the timing of this was that it was Halloween, and as anyone in Chicago knows, holidays last an average of about a week here. Think St Patrick’s,...
While I was writing this, my demented grandmother, who lives in Ann Arbor, took a bus here to Chicago. My mom called me around midnight to tell me that someone called her from the bus station to tell her that...
Good morrow, dear listener and reader. As a new dawn approaches at Here Be Dragons, one that will hopefully bear tastier fruit than our previous incarnations, I would like to take a moment to address a few concerns you may...
H. B. D. Three consonants of such variety of articulation as to be nearly unrecognizable as family, like distant cousins dissimilar in every aspect but their handedness or preference for bolo ties. The first with its airy, ephemeral expression in...
If there has ever been a position in all of professional sports where egocentric, outlandish and sometimes insubordinate behavior has become not only emblematic but the determining factor of your popularity it is that of the NFL wide receiver. A...
Things just aren’t getting any better for Joel Ropesman. If you thought eyeball-gouging dairy cows were bad, imagine what a bunch of ducks and geese can do. Episode 2 in the saga of the Man from Anglo. Download Worse Than...
Dear listener, We’ve been away for awhile. We’ve neglected you. Our usual incompetence isn’t solely to blame this time, however. You see, we were busy throwing an uncle party, and you know how uncle parties go. You tell a couple...
(No, this has nothing to do with Bill Clinton’s autobiography, though it has turned out to be nearly as long. Oh, and those actors Zack mentioned in his last post? Don’t know a one.) Whenever Jesse calls, we exchange pleasantries...
Have you ever played the sympathy card to get a woman into bed? Does it still weigh on your conscience? Well, you’re about to feel way better about yourself. Download A Terrible, Terrible Man -HBD
Fret not, little ones. A brand new Producer's Corner is on its way. But first, there are more pressing issues to address, like game 6 of the World Series. In the meantime, enjoy Mr. Brett's pre-game banter. -Zack
Brothers Brian and Joe Hackett (Steven Weber and 'Tim Daly' ) and friend Helen (Crystal Bernard) attempt to run a Cape Cod-based airline while surrounded by their various wacky friends and employees. This is the IMDB synopsis for one of...
Here Be Dragons and The Learning Channel have collaborated to produce a reality show unrivaled in its exploitation of a pathetic subject. Meet Joel Ropesman, a man so stung by misfortune and cross-eyed genetics, listeners will be tempted to turn...
Someone who works in a Chicago high school told me that the kids collect the tabs from Monster Energy drinks (which are sold in a vending machine in the school) and make necklaces out of them. They compete to see...
Zack’s post was pretty accurate…disregardless of everything he wrote, but most especial-like when he got to the part of me dismissing pop cultural nonsense because it’s too new. Truth be told, I love many things quite deeply. You see, I...
Do you know of this website called facebook? It’s supposedly the cat’s pajamas and is all the rave with the kids. What it’s mainly used for, aside from keeping you linked to people you met at that party last week...
While visiting Florida, Jesse bicycles 54 miles to a marina in search of strong drink. Once satisfied, he is perplexed by the native’s lack of originality in naming their boats. Seems like a perfectly good reason to leave a voice...
I'm a little slow to post today, so while you're waiting for my next fun installment, I'd like to share with you a clip from a feature I discovered on my Star Trek 3 DVD while unpacking my new apartment...
Boy gets job. Boy goes to South Korea. Boy gets drunk. Boy defends wrong person. Boy has face rebuilt. Boy flees country. Download Half A Korean Face -HBD
Meet at Zack’s house, finish off a bottle of El Jimador, get in an argument about science fiction movies, encourage the women to participate, then bring in Sean Shipley several days later to save the conversation. Got it? Any questions...
So you know how sometimes, you’re sitting around the house on a rainy day, trying to decide which household items to use to asphyxiate yourself before the Thai food arrives? Well Here Be Dragons does, and for just such occasions...
Here at Here Be Dragons we like to pride ourselves on being ahead of the curve, which has been apparent from our timely updates and trend-setting internet radio show concepts. However, there seldom comes a time when we are presented...
As Season 3 bears down upon us in ragged, airborne darkness, I take solace in a single, ineluctable truth: that we will fail; that this endeavor, like the endeavors of so many crazed and talentless men of our epoch, will...
So, yeah. We know. We suck. Our previous voicemail number was hosted by the inept stoner-jerks at drop.io. Apparently, they were too busy playing World of Warcraft and voicing their dismay with the changes made to the Watchmen film on...
Dearests, We know it’s been a long time. We know we’ve made a lot of promises about improving the quality of this show we’ve been bullying you with over the last year or so. Well, the time for promises is...
We own up to the failures of our friends. We explore the nuances of post-urban vernacular. We rewrite ourselves in our own images. We recruit a ringer. Really, we promise, this time it’s good. Download Episode 2.1: An Onion of...
A message to the Here Be Dragons Nation: Thank you for supporting the non-legendary internet radio show Here Be Dragons. We can only hope that you've actually taken time to listen to it as well. If not, here is your...
We mark an historic event by color coordinating our shots. We explore the hazardous effects of Irish car bombs on your poo. We witness an epic confrontation between Kid Rock and The Unibomber. The perfumed gauntlet has been thrown down....
We imagine an erectile dysfunction commercial for Joe Sixpack. We set a goal to be hated by someone in each of the 50 states. We get a lesson from a missing comrade on voice mail polarity. This is our city...
We get basic German lessons from a white supremacist. We're held at gunpoint by the least-threatening of firearms. We suffer a massive headwound while drunkenly traversing the elevated train system. We're physically fit and someone's down to be fuckin' this....
We take a vacation in a psych ward. We question the usefulness of bubblecars. We become completely fed up with 'lympics commercials. Morgan Freeman does not narrate this podcast. Download Episode 5: Psychodrama!
We lament the end of the kickball season. We discuss the hazardous effects of 14-hour Monopoly games. We plot to supplant the mayor with a cage fighter. Six-foot chicken, we knew you'd come for us eventually. Download Episode 4: Establishing...
Here is the deal for the upcoming KC Memorial Show at Quenchers.... Wednesday, August 6 at 8pm Quenchers Saloon 2401 N. Western Ave (at Fullerton) Chicago, IL $10 cover...Everyone pays. All proceeds go to K.C. 's Family. There are four...
We use our political stature to pursue paranormal investigations. We repeatedly punch ourselves in the face. We ridicule a karaoke cult and its heathen followers. KC would've wanted it this way. Featuring music from these Chicago artists: KC Haywood Tongues...
In lieu of recent events, we've taken some needed down-time from bringing the nonsense that all you 23-36 subscribers (depending on the day) have learned to so passably anticipate. We vow to be back even more incompetent than ever with...
As some of you may know, our good friend KC Haywood was involved in a fall late Saturday night, June 14th resulting in two broken ankles and a skull fracture. He is being treated at Northwestern Memorial hospital in Chicago...
We are planning to post our new podcast about our friendship with KC on Wednesday night, June 25. He will not approve of this. Not because he's going to be uncomfortable with the attention -- on the contrary -- but...
We speak in poorly rendered accents. We have our faces rebuilt to represent the East-West divide. We use our impending doom to get laid and ruin others. Tim Russert, "Daily Dalliances" won't be the same without you. Featuring music from...
Our good friend KC Haywood is currently in stable condition, but unconscious, following a fall Saturday night. KC is a wonderful guy and we were all shocked to hear of it. He and his darling Sarah are dear to our...
Thanks to all who've responded, favorably or otherwise, to our first episode. We will enthusiastically continue to feign interest in your suggestions.