Communication Archives | Doing Family Right: Recent Episodes
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Spring is the time of year for “spring cleaning”. It is called so because of the urge most have for a new beginning—to deal with the clutter in our homes after a long winter. But what about cleaning up the clutter in our lives? Do you need some spring cleaning of the soul? Maybe…
Consider these traumatic experiences, which leave an imprint on the soul, or “emotional baggage”: A stranger raped her on a summer job at a national park entrance gate. He was nine when he discovered his 19-year-old brother hanging dead in his bedroom after drug-related drama. She raised herself and her brothers as her single mother was either working long hours or partying late. His parents told him he was useless and wished he was never born. Her older brother molested her. Alcoholic parents. Fighting parents. Absent parents. Critical parents. Divorced parents. Sick parents. Cheating parents.
There’s more. What about the choices you made as you matured into your teen years and beyond? For instance, he became hooked on porn at 14 and battles with it today. After huge fights with parents, she ran away with a boy at 17 staying at a flophouse for a few nights. He cheated at school to make it through. She was sexually active at age 15 and has been ever since. He messed with a lot of drugs. She battles with depression and attempted suicide twice. He can’t keep at job. She’s in big debt. She’s binging and purging. He gambles his paycheck away. Drinking problems. Each choice shapes a person’s story – and your story creates you.
How does emotional baggage affect me?Though your story may not qualify for a TV talk show, your baggage affects you. And face it—we all have some baggage and it impacts us more than we care to admit. I believe the number one problem in most struggling marriages is unresolved baggage that tangles the couple’s freedom to love honestly and selflessly.
We often don’t see how much our experiences shape us. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction. Unhealthy people can’t approximate healthy relationships. Too much of their past is in the way. And the worst kind of baggage is that which is unperceived and unaddressed. To become more aware of what issues you may be blind to, take this self-test: DFR Baggage Self-Check
What is baggage?Here’s my working definition: “Baggage is the unresolved negative impact touching who we are and how we interact caused by difficult events, tragic experiences or demanding people often from our family of origin and during our formative years. Baggage can also include the poor choices we make as teens and adults prior to our marriages that inhibit healthy relationships in our future.”
Why do we avoid spring-cleaning of the soul?Maybe you think that you don’t have any baggage. But when you tell your story, do you tell all of it or do you hold back? What are you choosing to leave out? Most think, “Are you kidding? Won’t bringing up your past – sharing things you’re embarrassed about or deeply regret – only sabotage a relationship?”
Unhealthy fears drive most of us to keep silent about our negative history. That’s why people often bury their past. Many downplay their experiences and say they were no big deal. Some claim the events have had no affect on them. Problem. Refusing to face negative past experiences can lead to the common inability to connect past baggage to present behavior. Thus, the term “blind spots” when we don’t see our issues. To become more aware of the affect your baggage may be having on you, take our self-test: DFR Behaviour Self-Check
How to begin spring cleaning?Bravely face the clutter.‘Don’t doubt whether your unresolved baggage affects how you live today. It does. And admission is the beginning of healing. Don’t wait any longer to start dealing with it. Commit to finding the freedom to love others freely and fully. Trust what Jesus said: “then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.” (John 8:32,36)
Surrender. Let God head the clean-up.Jesus makes all the difference in the world. There’s hope. Ask Him to help you gain freedom from your past. If you are feeling overwhelmed, remember He knows what you are carrying. Trust Him for strength and perspective. “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matt. 11:28, 29)
Stop making excuses for the mess.Look at the negative experiences that may have shaped you. Even where others have caused real hurt to you, it does you no good to blame them. Take responsibility for your attitudes and behavior from this point on. Make it your goal to become who God wants you to be. “No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us.” (Phil. 3:13,14)
Start cleaning up your life.Make amends where needed. Apologize if you have wronged someone. Do your part to rebuild relationships that are broken. Extend forgiveness whether asked to or not. Do what depends on you. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom. 12:18)
Fight for full freedom from the clutter.Be committed to do whatever it takes to get peace with God and restoration with others on the issues you have to face. Ask people you trust to help you connect the dots between your past and your present. Whenever needed go for help to a trusted pastor or counsellor. “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.” (James 5:16)
I’d love to hear how the Lord has helped you through your baggage. What other recovery tips would you like to share? Share them with us at info@doingfamilyright.com or on Facebook @DoingFamilyRight1
NOTE: If you, a family member or friend is in crisis, seek creditable support right away. Our DFR Care Centre**has a team of counsellors ready to help. We can counsel you in person if you are in the Fraser Valley, or via phone or video conferencing if you live farther away.
To inquire about counselling or book an appointment, please fill out our Counselling Request Form. You can also call our DFR message centre and leave your request at: 604-556-1116 or email us at counselling@doingfamilyright.com
© Dr. Dave Currie – April 2014
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February eZine: Valentine’s Day GuideWe’d like to take this month to help convince you that Valentine’s Day can be more than just one single day to shower your partner with love.
Valentine’s Day serves a wonderful purpose and can be an exercise in re-evaluating and reigniting the passion you and your spouse need to keep your marriage strong!
What’s The Deal With Valentine’s Day?
We can’t tell you how to appreciate Valentine’s day without first diving into the history and what the day really stands for. Read on to learn the backstory of Valentine’s + Dr. Dave Currie’s tips to help you avoid missing out on this special day.
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The Role of a Lifetime Valentine
What is a lifetime valentine? For me, it’s synonymous with success in marriage. It is best described as a satisfying, growing friendship for life. Let’s break that down, shall we?
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PODCAST: Understanding Lasting Marital IntimacyDr. Dave and Donalyn share one of their favourite concepts on how to keep a marriage strong and last long! Loving in 3D – or 3 dimensions – is a practical and reliable framework on which to build satisfying, sustainable relationships filled with emotional and sexual intimacy.
CHECK IT OUT HERE >>
Care Centre Form | Here for You!
Struggling with something more?
Our Care Centre and wonderful counsellors are here to help you. To get help right away, simply click HERE and fill out our contact form.
Interested in More DFR eZines?We have a wide range of past issues, find them HERE
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July eZine: Marriage Check-InMARRIAGE “CHECK-IN”A year ago, we sent out an eZine designed to help you perform a “Marriage Check-In”…We felt that it was time to send it out again as we have some new resources + you can “check in” and see how you and your spouse are doing!We hope you enjoy and learn something new this month! Let’s get started with our featured article.READ NOW: DO THE MATH IN YOUR MARRIAGE
PODCAST 129 | INTIMACY ROADBLOCK: OVERCOMING SEXUAL BARRIERS IN MARRIAGE
Dr. Dave Currie shares practical tips and a helpful perspective to assist couples facing the many challenges encountered in the bedroom. In addition, he shares timely advice to deepen the sexual connection with your spouse.LISTEN NOW!
BONUS ARTICLE | 4 WAYS TO CREATE EXCLUSIVE ENTANGLEMENTWhen you and your spouse align your wills, your lives, your passions and your hearts, it will create an exclusive entanglement from the inside out — one that cannot be broken! Read on to find out the 4 ways Dr. Dave encourages couples to grow towards exclusive entanglement.CHECK IT OUT HERE >>
Interested in More DFR eZines?We have a wide range of past issues, find them HERE
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April eZine: Spring Forward in Your Marriage Spring is in the air…can you feel it?! With it comes a whole new sense of starting fresh and with a clean slate. At DFR, we consider it a time to ‘Spring’ forward in your marriage + relationship too! This month, we have a brand new article from […]
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January eZine: The Pillars of a Strong Marriage LET’S KICK THINGS OFF… We’ve mentioned these before, but there are 4 key pillars to an amazing marriage. >Commitment >Communication >Companionship >Closeness This month, we are sharing an article for each of the 4 pillars, and how to start implementing them. First off, click HERE to read […]
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November eZine: COVID Cautions New Articles and Podcasts From Dr. Dave Currie! Dr. Dave is sharing with you a brand new article this month on COVID (or C***D as Dr Dave calls it). This is meant to warn and make you more aware of the dangers we are seeing due to the impact of the […]
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October eZine: Deepen your Connection OUR WORD OF THE MONTH: CONNECT! This month, we want to focus on CONNECTION. Not just with us, but with your spouse, your kids, and those relationships that matter most to you! We recently celebrated Thanksgiving here in Canada and it reminded us how much we should VALUE the relationships […]
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Wisdom on Facing Pandemic Danger I am going against two personal convictions in writing this article. First off, I deeply dislike stirring up controversy. I have always wanted people to remember me for what I stand for not what I stand against. I would so much rather be constructive giving people guidance in the direction […]
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Podcast 135: RECOVERY 16 – Coming Clean: The Value of Honest Disclosure In this podcast, Dr. Dave covers the topic of Coming Clean. This podcast is set to help individuals realize the long-term value in coming clean – telling the extent of their personal, moral, marital or sexual failures including the what, why and […]
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April eZine: Keep Calm and Carry On! We are serving up something special this month…! We are reposting one of our most popular articles…can you guess what it’s about? Ps. Rather listen? We have a podcast + Video on these tips that you can view on the bottom of the article. Learn more… APRIL PODCAST: Drop […]
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A special Podcast with Truth and Nails! Some of us have had great examples of lasting and vibrant marriages. Others are struggling to find a person in their life who even speaks positively of marriage. Marriage is under attack and some of the damage is self inflicted. How can we protect and grow our marriages […]
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Podcast 132: Drop the Edge To help individuals and couples realize the impact that their negative tone has on the interaction and connection between them and others – especially husband and wife. Listen in and be encourage on how to find new ways to handle conflict with your spouse. Click here if you are having […]
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Christian marriages—keep calm and carry on! Following the Lord does make a huge difference on both the satisfaction and longevity of your most important relationship. Watch Dr. Dave passionately deliver his Sunday Sermon on The Good News About Marriage:
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Podcast 131: First Responder Marriages Part 3 – Understanding your first responder – what makes their jobs different? To discuss the very unique challenges facing First Responder vocations – Police, Fire and Ambulance, the effects on the marriage and to determine the best steps to keep their family life strong.
Click here if you are having trouble with the podcast player
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