Let's Talk 30: A Podcast About Life in Your 30s: Recent Episodes
Latesha and Tiana
A Podcast About Life in Your 30s. Covering relationships, work, travel, finances, pop-culture, and politics.
When you’re younger you think you’re just going to be afraid of the usual–dark, spiders, your parents finding out you got bad grades. As we hit our 30s our fears have more to do with perceived inadequacies–fear of failure, fear of inability to get pregnant–not that a few of the usual spider and dark fears haven’t crept into our 30s as well. Listen to this episode where Latesha and Tiana talk openly about all of our fears, both ridiculous and realistic.
Early in your life up through your 20’s you really think you understand love. You’ll come to realize, though, that as time goes on, you never truly understood deep love until you start to experience more of life. In this episode, Tiana and Latesha talk about how the love you have for your family, friends, and your mate really evolves as you enter your 30s when life really knocks you down to your lowest of lows and lifts you up to your highest of highs.
Whether you’re wasting time at a job you hate, in an unhappy relationship, or going to places you don’t want to be, once you hit 30 you realize how truly precious time is. At the age where parents or parents of friends start to pass away, health scares come a dime a dozen, and the next scary mass shooting just flashed up on the TV screen, you start to put into perspective that because time is so limited, you’d be better off spending it doing something that makes you happy with people who make you happy. Join Latesha and Tiana for episode 2 of season 2 of the Let’s Talk 30 podcast where we talk about all the things we used to waste our time on and how we overcame the fear of saying, “No, this is not for me.”
We can’t believe it’s already been a full year since we started the Let’s Talk 30 podcast!!! So much happened last season including a wedding, lots of girls trips, some dating, some money advice, a male panel, a lost job, and a lot of advice for the 20-somethings and 30-somethings. This episode welcomes you back and tells you all about what’s coming up in Season 2.
Latesha and Tiana are back after a short podcast hiatus to talk about how to deal with the unexpected. Life can throw so many things your way like losing your job, car problems, health issues, and surprise pregnancies that you should prepare as best as you can. Join them for this episode of the podcast where they talk about how they dealt with some of these common surprises that can happen in life, and the best ways to deal with the unexpected.
During this episode we talked about five (5) unexpected situations we’ve experienced, how we dealt with them, and our tips to best navigate these situations. So before you have random car trouble, lose your phone when you’re out and about, accidentally get pregnant, your parents need medical attention, or someone dumps you on vacation, check out our tips on how to survive those instances.
- Car Trouble (As an adult) Latesha’s car went into a pothole while she was in college. Parents drove to UGA to get me a new tire the next morning. Latesha didn’t even know that she had a donut tire in her trunk, or a jack to lift the car. Always have a flashlight and learn to change a tire. Tiana is a magnet for flat tires so she is a prime example of why you need to know how to change a tire, and honestly, how to not run over nails on the road. Tiana has even had a flat tire in her rental that she had because her actual car had a flat tire and needed to be fixed. Gone are the days of asking Mom and Dad to come to help you fix the problem. Also, invest in AAA or a like-service.
Tiana’s story is one of the scarier versions of car trouble–when you have no idea what’s wrong with it, but it’s making sad sounds and won’t start. Tiana naturally called her Dad in tears thinking this was the end of her Camry, but it turned out to just be a dead battery. She hadn’t had a new car battery in over 5 years. She suggests you have your car battery tested every couple of years.
If your car does stop working for a car battery or a flat tire and you don’t have AAA, your first call should be to your car insurance. Depending on your coverage, roadside assistance is typically included. They also do things like help you if you lock your keys in the car, change your tire, and give your car battery a jump. Latesha personally has Progressive and they’ve helped her 3 times when she’s locked her keys in the trunk…yes, you’ve read that right, she needed help 3 separate times for locking her keys in the trunk! As an important tip, invest in having excellent car insurance. 2. Not Having Technology When’s the last time you memorized a phone number? If you didn’t have access to navigation on your phone, could you still read a road map or subway map? Knowing how to survive without technology is a good life tip. We rely on our phones to do things like help guide us to where we need to go, contact our closest relatives and friends, call us a ride, and keep us on schedule. But when the battery inevitably dies, your screen cracks to the point of no return, you lose your phone, or (dare I say it) you accidentally leave your phone at home, how the hell do you survive out there?
Tiana’s laughter at Latesha’s question about whether or not she can read a map makes it crystal clear that map reading is a lost tool. Tiana also only knows like 4 numbers by heart, and the main person who fixes her car is her Dad and she doesn’t even know his number by heart! She is certainly not alone.
Our first tip for a common unexpected problem, like not having access to technology whilst on the go, is to memorize important phone numbers in case of an emergency. You should know your parent’s numbers, your mate’s number, and if you have a separate emergency contact, then memorize that number, too.
The second tip is when traveling, make note of key landmarks like highways, tall buildings, bodies of water, intersections, etc. so in the event that you are lost, you have your North Star of sorts to guide you back to civilization when Google Maps is unavailable. And speaking of maps, familiarize yourself with one, because not so surprisingly enough, rural areas, deserts, and unfamiliar places that you may be driving around may not have distinct buildings or highways nearby to follow. Sometimes you’ll have to pull up to a gas station and get a map. Or even better, some train lines are underground and lack internet access, if you need to get to an unfamiliar stop, you’ll need to read the train maps. If that map looks like hieroglyphics to you, then you need to brush up on that basic skill. 3. Unplanned pregnancy Latesha is a prime example of how to survive an unplanned pregnancy. She welcomed her sweet boy Liam into this world in 2016. As a sexually active woman, there’s one thing Latesha always considered when selecting health insurance benefits…pregnancy. Whether planned or unplanned, it is a known fact that pregnancy and birth are expensive ordeals in the United States. If you are not poor, you have to pay for health premiums and meet deductibles and coinsurance minimums during your pregnancy which can really add up depending on your insurance plan. Once you have the baby, there’s an entirely additional expense of paying for not only the birth but also figuring out how you can afford the time off to stay home with your brand new bundle joy. That’s where your benefits come in handy at work.
Our first tip for any woman selecting benefits through her employer in the United States is to make sure you have a low deductible health plan. We’ll explain what these mean below.
The main difference between a high deductible health plan and a low deductible health plan is that with a high deductible plan, you pay less money up front in the form of your distribution per paycheck, but you pay more money out of pocket up front for medical needs. With the low deductible plan, you’re going to pay more money out of each paycheck up front, but you will have less out of pocket expenses up front.
We recommend (not as professional benefits experts, but as humans who have lived for the past decade on our own insurance) a low deductible plan for women who plan to have a baby in the next year or are not practicing abstinence or safe sex if they are sexually active.
Our 2nd tip while picking benefits is to have short term and long term disability. This tip comes two-fold because there are various factors that determine if you need these benefits after giving birth. For companies with 100 or more employees, the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a benefit for employees. The gist of it in this context is that if you’ve been with your employer for at least a year, you are entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. The keyword you should see in all of that is UNPAID. That means that you not only have to pay that awesome deductible and coinsurance premium for your appointments and birth, but then if you want to be home to recover from pushing a 10 lb human out of your body or, God forbid, recover from major abdominal surgery, then you have to do that with ZERO income. You ARE guaranteed to still have a job with your employer though because you have FMLA. This is where short term disability comes into play.
Short term disability (STD) will pay you between 40-60% of your salary if you have a medical situation like giving birth and will cover you for 6 weeks for a regular birth and 8 weeks for a c-section (typically these are the numbers, granted some places may have different terms for STD so be sure to check with your employer for the specifics). With most companies, this is an elected benefit that you have to pay for, but some companies pay for it so you get it automatically.
If for some reason you had major complications that result in you being unable to work for more than 8 weeks, then you’ll need long term disability (LTD) to help you survive financially. For Latesha, she was pregnant when she started a new job which meant she did not qualify for FMLA, even though it was offered through her company because she did not meet one the minimum requirements of having been with the company for 12 months. She did, however, have short term disability so she was able to take 6 weeks of maternity leave and 2 weeks of vacation time to be home for the first 8 weeks of her baby’s life which honestly, is not enough. Dammit, get it together United States! We need guaranteed maternity leave for all mothers WITH PAY! Our last tip for this unplanned occurrence is to have good savings in place. In the event that you use FMLA, then that savings will be just the thing to keep your family afloat while you focus on taking care of your new baby. 4. Parental Medical Emergency or Unexpected Death We are in our 30’s and it seems that only now are we starting to see Grandparents and in some cases even parents starting to pass away in our friend groups. It’s naive to think you have all the time in the world because the reality is that things can and do happen, and most of the time, it is unexpected. Tiana was surprised to find out that her Grandmother’s Alzheimer’s had advanced to the point where she didn’t recognize Tiana anymore. Latesha’s father has randomly been incapacitated for 2 months. Friends have lost Grandparents and parents to cancer. Shit happens, and while you should focus on grieving and dealing with the situation emotionally, you also should do a few things to prepare.
Our first tip is to pay attention to your parent’s affairs. There’s either been the moment or there will come a random moment when your parents will start telling you about their will or what they want you to do with the house when they die, or where they want to be buried, and you’ll want to tune them out. Not because you don’t care, but because you are terrified of the thought of losing them one day. We strongly urge you to take a moment and set aside your fears so you can listen to them. You should know their passwords, what their last wishes are for their belongings, where they want to be buried, what they want you to do if they need life support, etc.
Our second tip is to pay attention to new or developing ailments your parents/grandparents have. That mole that is getting larger, that toe that looks weird, the stomach pain that won’t go away…these are all things that should be observed by a doctor just in case it’s something serious. Look, parents can behave like children when it comes to their health. You may have to not only make their appointment, but you may also have to go with them to the doctor just to make sure they ask all the important questions, so that if treatment is needed, that they do it right. And speaking of medical needs, be aware if your parent has them. If they are allergic to a particular medication, like when Latesha’s Mom was loopy after a dental procedure and they attempted to prescribe a medicine her mother was allergic to. Latesha was able to warn them in time since her mother couldn’t stick up for herself.
Our last tip is to cherish the time you have with loved ones. As they get older, you have to remember that when they’re being annoying, you need to be grateful they are still alive to be annoying. So don’t be afraid to apologize after that stupid fight, answer the 8th call they’ve made to you that day, participate in that annoying family trip they take every year to the beach, just do it while you still can.
5. Unexpected Breakup
We’re not sure about you, but Latesha didn’t plan to be cheated on by our mate and Tiana didn’t plan to get dumped on vacation, but the reality of the situation is it happened. So when you find yourself in one of these stupid situations, the only thing you can do is prepare yourself to move on. Our 1st tip is to cry. Yes, let it all out boo, because pretending not to be hurt may cause you to bottle up those emotions only to let them out on the next unsuspecting guy/girl you end up rebounding with after that jerk did you wrong.
Our 2nd tip is to get back on those dating apps and start going out and socializing again. There is no quicker way to get over a breakup than to get attention from a new suitor. Plus, with all those options and outings, you can make your old boo think you are living your best life, which in turn will make you feel better knowing they are suffering from just a little bit of jealousy.
15 Positive Outcomes of the Negative Unexpected as told by Elite Daily:
- You learn how to deal with conflict
- You’re reminded of your own resilience
- You learn the power of graceful fortitude
- You learn who your true friends are
- You remember the importance of having a savings
- You learn how to rise under pressure
- You learn about decisive decision making
- You learn how to trust yourself
- You learn how much faith you have
- You see possibilities you wouldn’t have imagined for yourself
- Exercise your independence
- You have a renewed gratitude for things that are going right in your life
- You learn to ask for help
- You learn to go with the flow
- You learn a renewed plan is better than no plan
A positive attitude give you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.
Joyce Meyer
We had an episode where we talked about how to cope with stress, but here are a few things you can do when the unexpected happens instead of freaking out:
- Pause for 2 minutes, step away from the situation, and think about what to do next
- Seek council from friends and family
- Remember these things are natural, they happen all the time, and you are not alone
Take a little trip with Tiana and Latesha as they walk down memory lane in this episode of the podcast. Since Latesha is 5 days away from her wedding date, the ladies relived some of their funniest memories involving driveby stalking, a few celebrity encounters, some crazy behavior, and more. They were a little too fun before their 30s as you will see in this episode.
Latesha and Tiana are back from celebrating Latesha’s bachelorette in Miami and thinking all about past failed relationships. Breakups really do suck and Latesha and Tiana realize that they haven’t changed much since high school. The ladies still act like everything is ok, but now that they’re in our 30s they see their part in the demise of their relationships. Relive their breakups and see how they get over them now.
In this week’s podcast episode, Tiana and Latesha ask all the questions women want to ask me to a panel of eligible male, 30-something bachelors. They ask the men everything from what makes them swipe right, whether or not they show their emotions, and do men call each other out for messing up a good relationship?
In the latest episode of the podcast, Latesha and Tiana answers all the questions that men want to ask women, do a round of would you rather, and answer some deep questions.
This was a fun episode because we are giving 100% honest answers to the questions that guy wants to ask women. You’ve seen all the articles on websites like The Richest, Thought Catalogue, Buzzfeed, and Society 19 where guys ask a bunch of questions and women give their responses. Well, this time, we’re answering some of those fun questions! This episode is also a great introduction to our July 31st episode where we’ll be asking men questions we’ve always wanted to know about them.
Below are the questions men want to ask women, and our honest answers to those questions: 1. What’s a pickup line that has worked on you? * Tiana had the best one: Can you recommend a restaurant I can take you to on a date? 2. Do girls honestly like the nice guys? * We both said yes. The consensus is that we want to be treated with respect, not be lied to, and not be cheated on. 3. Arms or abs? * Arms! 4. Why do women go to the bathroom together and does anything noteworthy happen in those meetings? * Tiana chooses to go to the bathroom with her friends rather than risk having some random club dude coming to holla at her while she’s alone. * I know that the likelihood of one of my gals needing to go to the bathroom when I do is pretty high, so I always ask if anyone wants to go and someone ALWAYS says yes. * We both agreed that nothing noteworthy happens in there. We just gossip, actually use the bathroom and talk about guys. 5. Do you feel a certain type of way when your significant other doesn’t post you on social media? * Yes! This is not a fight you want to have guys. There is NO valid reason you have a social media account (with the exception of work accounts or business profiles like LinkedIn) that you are not willing to post your significant other on. 6. Do hot guys get a free pass when they mess up? * Sadly, yes, yes they do. If you are hot, and that goes for both men and women, you get away with a lot more than anyone below an 8 on a 10-point hotness scale. 7. Is there a deadline you have in your head for a ring? * I said yes, immediately. I had a deadline in my head when I was pregnant with Liam. * Tiana said no. She is very weird in relationships and she is just trying to be in one longterm rather than even considering when she is getting married. 8. What do you keep in your purse? * If we are carrying “the big purse” then we have food, gum, all the bobby pins, a wallet, keys, a cell phone, chapstick, lipstick, paper, a pen, old receipts, crumbs, Advil (or comparable headache medicine), more makeup items. The list can go on, just know that if you see that big bag then you can ask for anything and we have you covered. 9. Why do girls ask questions they already know the answer to? * We both agreed that this is a trap designed by us women to see whether or not you are a lying douchebag. Look guys, if we ask you a very specific questions like, “Where were you last night around 9?” you should know we know EXACTLY where you were, who you were with, we’ve stalked them on social, know where they live, and what you guys were doing while you were together. Take our sound advice and tell.us.the.truth.
I found 20 questions a guy should NEVER ask a woman on The Adult Man website, and I agree, don’t ask us these questions. Nothing good can come of these.
No questions game is complete without a round of Would You Rather. I won’t ruin the fun of our episode, so you’ll have to listen to see how we each answered these questions. Check out the questions first to see which one of us you agree with:
Would You Rather 1. Would you rather lose all of your money and valuables or all of the pictures you have ever taken? 2. Would you rather live in the wilderness far from civilization or live on the streets of a city as a homeless person? 3. Would you rather the general public think you are a horrible person but your family is very proud of you or your family thinks you are a horrible person but the general public be very proud of you? 4. Would you rather be alone for the rest of your life or always be surrounded by annoying people? 5. Would you rather never use social media sites/apps again or never watch another movie or TV show? 6. Would you rather be completely invisible for one day or be able to fly for one day? 7. Would you rather be lost in a bad part of town or lost in the forest? 8. Would you rather find your true love or a suitcase with five million dollars inside? 9. Would you rather know when you are going to die or how you are going to die? 10. Would you rather have whatever you are thinking to appear above your head for everyone to see or have absolutely everything you do live streamed for anyone to see? 11. Would you rather go back to age 5 with everything you know now or know now everything your future self will learn?
We also decided to ask each other some deep questions that the interwebs have suggested are great to ask your best friend. We could list them as well, but I think you should just listen to the episode for yourself. Check out the episode now on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, Stitcher, SoundCloud or anywhere you like to listen to podcasts.
Now that we’re in our 30s we have learned how to save money and budget, but we made a lot of financial mistakes along the way. In this episode, we talk all about how we budget, some of the apps that keep us on the right financial track, and tips we wish we had known before we became adults.
There are so many times when old-ness just hits you out of nowhere. You could be in the middle of a club complaining about noise levels, or going to bed at 8 pm and that’s when you realize, you’re old. We don’t know exactly when it happened to us, but the more slang terms we hear that we don’t understand, and the more our bones crack we have come to accept the fact that we are, indeed, getting old. Listen to see just how far removed we are from the youths.
In light of the sad news about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain’s passing, we couldn’t think of a better time to talk about how to cope with stress. It’s natural to get overwhelmed by the constant pressures that life throws our way, we just need a natural way to deal with the feelings that result because of them. In this episode of the podcast we talk about what stress is, how it makes you feel, how to cope with it, and how to naturally boost your natural “happy chemical,” serotonin.
In this episode, Latesha and Tiana are discussing the slow-down of metabolism, and why it seems so much harder to lose weight in your 30’s. Commenting on their own fitness routines and diet changes, they also talk about the body positivity movement and how they believe it affects how they feel about themselves, and how it’s changed since being in their 20’s.
This episode is for the 30-something singles that are looking for ways outside of online dating to meet other singles. While we briefly touch on some tips in weeding out the temporary flings through the online apps, most of the episode includes suggestions from our listeners on places to go to meet other singles. From everyday tasks like visiting the grocery store to attending a whole bunch of weddings throughout the year, there is plenty of opportunity for your own meet-cute story.
In this episode, Latesha and Tiana reminisce on stories that happened to them between the ages of 18-25, and how they would react knowing what they know now in their 30’s. From losing a whole ponytail on the basketball court to accidentally ending up at a XXX club, the girls laugh their way through memory lane and lessons learned.
In this episode of Let’s Talk 30, Latesha is talking all about planning a wedding as a 30-something. Even though your pockets are fatter in your 30s, that doesn’t mean you don’t want to save money while planning your wedding. She’s talking all about what to expect when planning your wedding, best practices, money-saving tips, and the reality being a Bridezilla.
First, it’s all ballerinas and actresses, but as we got older it was TV show hosts and creative directors. Yes, we’re talking career aspirations when you finally hit your 30s. In this episode of the podcast, we’re reminiscing about our first jobs and internships, sharing what it feels like to ask for a raise, and talking about the benefits that are important when you’re searching for your dream employer as you hit your 30s.
In this episode, we talk about our bucket list things that we want to accomplish before we turn 40. With less than 8 years before we get to that age, we’re really feeling the pressure to get started on our lists. We both remember having a “before I turn 30” bucket list and honestly, we both have so many things left on our list. We’re talking buying a house, paying off debt, traveling the world, learning new skills, starting a digital empire and more! Listen to the podcast now on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher and Google Play.
In this episode, Tiana and Latesha discuss “30-something hot topics” focusing on Hollywood couples in their 30’s that have been recently been in the media with cheating rumors, “amicable” divorces, breaking up and making up and rebound relationships.
In this episode, Latesha and Tiana share exactly what it’s like to use social media in your 30s and let’s just say, a lot has changed in the past decade! We went from being petty and deleting old relationship photos and blocking exes to being mature and being more selective with our content. If you remember the good old days of using Myspace, Black Planet and The Facebook then you will definitely be able to relate to how we use social media now.
In this episode, Latesha and Tiana have some sound advice for 20-somethings on how to prepare for their 30s. We talk about everything from learning to say no to taking care of your skin. Your 20s is the time to make mistakes, travel alone, learn to cook and find your BFF4L.
How You Birthday in Your 30s Tiana just celebrated her 32nd birthday at the end of March, and for the first time we took the day off to have breakfast with our girlfriends and go bowling…on a Tuesday! That’s how it looks to be in your 30s.
How You Shop in Your 30s Another thing that happens when you are in your 30s is you have to sometimes travel with your friends and buy bridesmaids dresses. I’m happy to say all my girlfriends recently purchased their dresses from David’s Bridal. Check it out! My girls are going to look so amazing, I can’t wait!
Dear 20-Something, Stop Putting Pressure on Yourself We kick off this episode of the podcast with Tiana sharing that she was so concerned about what she was doing with her life in her 20s to prepare for her 30s, that it stressed her out. By the time she actually hit her 30s, she realized she worried herself for nothing.
As women and as a society, we have a habit of putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves in our 20s. We think we have to find the love of our life, land our dream job, get married and have a baby all before we hit 30. Then when we don’t check each one of those boxes, we feel like we’re failures. The reality is, plenty of women get married in their 30s, and plenty of women have babies through their 40s. It can sometimes take a while and many low-level, thankless jobs before we land that dream job.
So to save our 20-something counterparts some time and self-loathing thoughts, we decided to lay out our best advice for women in their 20s. Here are the highlights:
Take this time to discover you
Dear 20-Something: 1. Calm Down– enjoy every minute of your 20s. It’s the decade of trial and error: in relationships, in jobs, in cities, in foods, in personal style… Experiment. Fail. Learn more about who you are as a person. 2. Start a Workout Routine and Build Healthy Eating Habits– I know you can eat whatever and not gain weight. That will change, so get ahead of the game and at least know how to maintain your weight and how to eat healthily. 3. Start Moisturizing– It’s NEVER too soon to start a good skincare regimen. Black can eventually crack and fair-skinned ladies, you know you have to do this right away to prevent wrinkles or at least hold them off for a few decades. 4. Learn to Cook– It’s not for a man, it’s for you. Learn the basics like how to boil an egg, how to make a decent breakfast, how to make a good sandwich, how to cook pasta, and what to cook when you’re hosting a dinner, for example. 5. Start a Savings Account– Start easy by saving a little at a time. You’ll build up to the big bucks that will come in handy for your future large purchases (e.g. home, car, vacation). 6. Rent a House– You can never really understand home ownership until you have a home. Rent a house, because inevitably something will break and you can watch the homeowner scramble to price people to come fix it, how to deal with HOAs, and how much it can cost to furnish a home and not an apartment. 7. Start Accessorizing Your Personal Space– Add pictures to your walls, paint a room, find your home smell, add a door wreath… Figure out your aesthetic before you get married and have to try to explain that aesthetic to someone else. 8. Move to a New City– Don’t spend your entire life in the city where you grew up. Even if you just move one state over from your hometown, you will get a chance to see how other people speak, how they commute, and what they eat. You’ll learn more about yourself when you’re out of the comfort of your neighborhood. 9. Travel Alone– Be it for work, or for a change of scenery, if you can do it safely, give it a try. Find a good book, or enjoy being a tourist in a new place. Who knows, you may even find a new city to move to 10. Your Friendships are Going to Change– You start to see the difference between your seasonal friends and your true friends as you get older and more obligations fall into your lap like motherhood or marriage. Your real friends will understand that your time is limited and will make arrangements to see you. Your seasonal friends are there for the party girl version of you but will hate the relationship version of you. 11. Go Out on Dates– Your 20s is about finding out what your dealbreakers are, and you won’t always know what they are until someone you’re dating does something you don’t like. We talk about relationships in our previous podcast. 12. Trust Your Instincts– They are stronger than you think so when you feel like something or someone isn’t right for you, go with that feeling. 13. Learn to Say No– It’s ok to say no to things you don’t want to do or don’t have the time to do.
So if you are a woman in your 20s, then this is the episode for you. If you’re our regular 30-something listener, you should be able to relate or you may need to catch up and do some of these things on the list!
We hope you enjoy listening to this episode anywhere you enjoy your podcasts including iTunes, Google Play, Soundcloud, and Stitcher. Subscribe to receive a notification when the new episode drops every Tuesday.
Also, please subscribe to our blog where we’ll each share articles on everything like our relationships, more details on stories we’ve told during the podcast, our career journey, friendship, travel, motherhood, marriage, pop-culture and more.
Write us here, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook to share your own stories, or to request a topic for our next episode.
In this episode of Let’s Talk 30, Latesha and Tiana discuss dating and marriage. With Latesha just a few months away from tying the knot, she talks about her experiences leading up to marriage and offers Tiana some advice on dating while in her 30’s. Both ladies take a walk down memory lane, discussing their dating horror stories and mistakes and exploring how they approach situations differently being in their 30’s.
With me being on the brink of marriage (my wedding is September 2) and Tiana hopping back into the dating scene, it got us thinking of how much dating and marriage have changed over time. Tiana found, in this article from The Atlantic, that the average age that women get married is 27, which is slightly older than what it was in the 90s which were 23 years old. Well here I am at 32 and just about to take the plunge. So what is the right age to get married?
Well, Brides.com tapped some relationship experts who came to the conclusion that the ideal age women should get married is 28 and for men, that age is 32. We make it clear in this episode of the podcast that we both agree that most men need a bit more time to mature before they make the commitment to marriage. As for my relationship, my fiance will be 33 by the time of our wedding so we’re right on track!
So what is our take on relationships? Well, we are complete OPPOSITES! Tiana has a habit of not giving in to the emotions that being in a relationship can bring. That results in her missing out on the high level of interest shown by her guys in the early stage, and then catching on to it when the guy has begun to check out later on.
I, on the other hand, am a habitual dater and a serial monogamous. I have the patience of a 2-year-old when it comes to relationship problems so I have a habit of kicking a guy to the curb, without putting in the work it really takes to have a lasting relationship (up until now).
“What do you think would be different if you were dating now rather than being on your way to marriage?”
Tiana and I have both had a yo-yo relationship with the dating apps, meaning we reactivate them when we’re single and lonely, then we run into a bunch of creepers, some catfish, and some potential boyfriends, and then promptly delete those apps time and time again. Speaking of apps, in this episode Tiana poses an interesting question to me, “What do you think would be different if you were dating now rather than being on your way to marriage?” It’s a hard question to answer. When I was in the height of my dating life where I wasn’t really ready for marriage and just trying to find my way, dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, and Bumble were just starting to become popular. Even though I found my now fiance on OkCupid back in 2013, I was still so skeptical that you could meet your “forever” on these apps.
Think about it, 40% of Americans use online dating sites according to eHarmony, and apparently of that, 53% of them are lying on their profile about things like their age, weight, height, income and relationship status. I believe that there are simply too many choices out there for people to focus on the true potential one person may have simply because their profile picture wasn’t worth looking at for an extra second or a right swipe. In this episode, we both talk about how social media is also a relationship killer with the prevalence of social media stalking and the abundance of profile information on all potential suitors. We think we “know” a person based on their digital profile before we actually get to know a person in reality.
From the single person’s perspective, Tiana reflects on how hearing stories from her coupled friends affects her ideal of how relationships really are. She shares a profound quote by Warsan Shire that will help any single gal focus her dating energy on what matters to her most. If she’d rather be alone, then she doesn’t need you.
My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.
Tiana also makes a good point about how dating in your 30s and how it becomes less about vanity qualities like height and attractiveness and more about longterm qualities like financial stability and whether or not you’re on the same page about marriage. We both share our dating profile turnoffs that we commonly find on guys accounts like pictures with women or obviously Diddy cropped images.
In the podcast, I shared a few of the 11 Things That No One Tells You About Dating in Your 30s featured in Women’s Health Magazine (see the full list below). Tiana and I reflect on whether or not we agree with these things based on our own dating experiences.
- Why are you still single? Plays on repeat– We’ve all had that one guy tell you how amazing you are so they pose the infamous question, “Why are you still single?” And all you can think is, because [insert self-deprecating excuse here].
- Everyone is Somewhat Set in Their Ways– Honestly, by the time we graduate college, we’re pretty much come into who we are as adults. Sure there will be growth as you get older, but the core of who you are is set.
- Sex is Usually Great– You not only have figured out your likes and dislikes in the bedroom but in your 30s you’re also more likely to speak up and ask for what you need from your partner.
- The Baggage Can be Bulkier– The likelihood of dating someone with a child or a previous marriage in your 20s is very low, but by your 30s it is almost certain you will come across more of these potential mates.
- Kids Complicate the Sh*t Out of Dating– I can attest that my time and focus is limited beyond what my child needs. I can’t imagine trying to date with a toddler.
- You Don’t Pick Up Dudes at a Bar Anymore– Honestly, who the heck wants to be going to a bar in their 30s with the goal of meeting a potential mate? We both agree there is potential, but you’re more likely to find them at a grocery store or event when you’re in your 30s.
- Health Issues are an Issue– At this point you know you’re committed to being a vegan and refuse to date a smoker. Stick to your guns and find someone who shares similar values in regards to health.
- Younger Men are Definitely Into You, but the Feeling Isn’t Always Mutual– Tiana is especially against dating younger men, and for good reason (listen to the podcast to see why). Even the relationship experts agree that men are not ready for marriage until well after women.
- Your Swiping Skills are on Fleek– We’ve all swiped right on enough duds to be able to weed out those clowns in our 30s.
- You Know Pregnancy Over 30 Isn’t Easy– As women, we all know someone or a friend of a friend who is either struggling to have a baby or has lost a baby due to miscarriage or stillbirth. It’s a scary thought but becomes truer as we hit our 30s.
- You Know Your Deal Breakers by Heart– Tiana shares her 3 dealbreakers in this episode, and we all have them. The crap we won’t put up with for all the money in the world.
So if you’re dating or just getting married in your 30s you’ll be able to relate to this episode of our podcast, so check it out and don’t forget to subscribe!
Welcoming you to the Let’s Talk 30 podcast are your hosts Tiana and Latesha. This introduction episode lets you meet the hosts of the show, gives you a background of their 18-year friendship, and a peek into their very different 30-something lives. This show is a place for millennial women, but more specifically, 30-something women to relate to their own lives in regards to relationships with friends and mates, work, travel, politics, current events, celebrities, pop culture, and everything in between!
With a full glass of wine, we debut our new Let’s Talk 30 podcast! In this episode, we introduce ourselves as your hosts, Tiana and me, Latesha. We want you to find your host friend among us, so we ask each other questions that people would want to know. At this time, Tiana was 1 week away from her 32nd birthday where we planned on doing an early breakfast with mimosas on deck (yes, on a Tuesday), and bowling with our girls.
Why the Podcast and Blog? We are millennial women who love reading blogs and listening to podcasts, but we couldn’t find a lot of resources like those for 30-something women. This was the inspiration for this podcast and blog! We will be covering all the topics that matter most to 30-something women like friendship, marriage, dating, work, travel, politics, current events, cooking, pop-culture, celebrities, beauty, and everything in between.
A Little Background We’ll assume you don’t know much about either of us, so let we give you a little background on our friendship in this episode. We officially met during our freshman year of high school back in 2000. Tiana was super quiet and I take a long time to make friends so we didn’t connect right away. Plus, I had a mini-romance with her crush during a field trip, lol. We ended up having so many classes together that we became friends. We’ve been through countless breakups, dozens of bad dates, a baby, 1 real friend fight with a 3-month friendship breakup to boot, a bunch of jobs, 3 graduations, and 2 trips.
Meet Tiana. She has a heart of gold, is deathly afraid of spiders, hates sloths, ALWAYS smiling, bad with directions, smart, loves her dog, voted the best smile and was homecoming queen in high school, obsessed with children, and the best friend anyone could ever ask for. Learn more about her here. Current status: happily single (but ready to mingle), dog Mom of 1, full-time Programming Coordinator, and living in the city.
Meet Latesha. I’m quite feisty, brutally honest, will crash my car if there’s a bug in it (but mostly afraid of spiders), zero patience, I hate surprises, obsessed with my toddler, Liam, a tomboy at heart, a hopeless romantic, forever napping, and flaky as hell. Learn more about me here. Current status: engaged (coming Sept. 2), Mom of 1, full-time Director of Marketing, and living in my first home.
We felt like even though we are best friends, our journey to 30 was just so DIFFERENT, and where we are in our lives is just going in completely opposite directions at the moment. Because of this, we knew a lot of 30-something women would be able to relate to one of us. So keep listening whether you’re married or single, a Mom or child-free, a risk-taker or responsible, a great cook or burning toast, a serial dater or cat lady; wherever you are in your 30-something life, we have been there and have some sound advice and great anecdotes to show you that you’re not alone.
Questions Asked During the Episode 1. What do you hope people say about you behind your back, Latesha? 2. Are you where you thought you’d be in your 30s, Tiana? 3. What has been the most shocking thing that has happened in your life so far, Latesha? 4. What’s one misconception about millennials that bothers you the most, Tiana? 5. What subject do you know enough about to teach, Latesha? 6. Looking back on your life so far, what is the one thing you would change, Tiana? 7. What has been the hardest lesson for you to learn, Latesha? 8. What is one risk you plan to take this year, Tiana? 9. Do you have anyone in your life that you feel like you need to apologize to? Who and Why, Latesha? 10. How do you think social media has affected your relationship with friends and mates, Tiana?
We hope you enjoy listening to this episode anywhere you enjoy your podcasts including iTunes, Google Play, Soundcloud, and Stitcher. Subscribe to receive a notification when the new episode drops every Tuesday.
Also, please subscribe to our blog where we’ll each share articles on everything like our relationships, more details on stories we’ve told during the podcast, our career journey, friendship, travel, motherhood, marriage, pop-culture and more.
Write us here, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook to share your own stories, or to request a topic for our next episode.