FreedHearts: Recent Episodes
Susan Cottrell, FreedHearts
Changing the human conversation of love and inclusion. Susan Cottrell is the Mom of two LGBTQ children; the founder of FreedHearts; an international speaker with a viral TEDx talk; a pastor and theologian; an acclaimed author; and a fierce advocate and ally. In her unique tender, relatable style, Susan is a prominent voice of unconditional love and lavish inclusion. Powerful, authentic, and relevant in today’s society, Susan has a lot to say. The Advocate calls her their “Favorite Affirming Matriarch.” OutSmart magazine calls her "The Mother of all MamaBears!" Reverend Ashley Harness from Auburn Seminary says, “Susan has this fierce, loving, don’t mess with me, Mom vibe.” If you have been excluded, or if someone close to you has been excluded because of who they are or who they love - or maybe you have been the one doing the excluding - the FreedHearts podcast is for you. Join Susan, along with her husband Rob, on the journey. You are not alone. Welcome home!
Why do parents struggle with loving their LGBTQ+ children?
Why do LGBTQ+ struggle with internalized homophobia, and with loving themselves?
Often, it's because of the lies, false teachings and faulty arguments coming from the Christian church.
It's time to set the record straight. We share again this important information; and give you a tender, powerful message on how to respond to those who use these false teachings to hurt us.
An encore episode to help set your heart free!
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Today, we talk about all the things you hear from radical Christians - anti-gay, and anti-trans hate and lies, Christian nationalism, hypocrisy. It can be maddening and infuriating.
We ask if those are real thoughts and questions, real concerns, or are they just repeating what they have been programmed to say??
We even have some fun ask if they are real people or are they just bots??
And, most importantly, we talk about how to respond, especially when they just so happen to be family members.
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June is Pride Month — a time dedicated not just to parades and rainbow flags but to profound affirmation and resistance against discrimination.
The skewed Christian view of pride involves a self-centered attitude, placing oneself above others. But the LGBTQ+ community is not declaring themselves above anyone else.
Pride Month was born from a necessity to stand against oppression and claim a rightful place in society — not out of a desire to dominate, but a need to exist openly and safely!
Let's set the record straight: It’s about love, not arrogance.
We talk about what Pride really is and how it’s a powerful expression of love’s triumph over shame.
It’s a celebration – not a sin!
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Is this the deadliest teaching in human history?
An encore presentation of our most-listened-to episode ever — and maybe our most powerful. And honestly? It feels even more urgent now than when we first released it.
In this episode, we unpack one of the most destructive ideas humanity has ever embraced — a belief system at the root of division, oppression, shame, and violence for centuries.
It has fueled the mistreatment of ethnic groups, religious minorities, women, LGBTQ people, and so many others. And right now, it’s everywhere again.
What is this teaching? How does it still shape our world? And how do we break free from it?
This conversation matters.
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We’ve walked through the theology, the scripture, the Greek and Hebrew — but today we’re doing something refreshingly simple: Common sense.
We explore the everyday wisdom that makes it absolutely clear: being LGBTQ — and loving who you love — is not sinful. Not even close.
No clobber passages. No theological gymnastics. Just real life, real love, and real clarity.
We break down:
🌈 Why love that harms no one can never be sin
🌈 Why you can’t “repent” of being who you are
🌈 Why the fruit of LGBTQ lives disproves the fear
🌈 Why God wouldn’t wire people for love and then punish them for it
🌈 Why authenticity always leads toward compassion, not away from it
If you need a breath of fresh air…
If you want language to counter harmful teachings…
If you simply want to hear truth spoken plainly and lovingly…
This one’s for you. 💛✨
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Religion is wrong, you are not broken. You are beloved.
A viral meme claimed your smallest sin is “infinitely offensive” to a holy God — but don’t worry, Jesus covers you.
We’re calling that what it is: spiritual shame dressed up as devotion.
In this episode, we dismantle the idea that you’re a cosmic disappointment and reclaim a deeper truth:
You were never vile.
You were never a liability.
You are already beloved.
The truth is, when God looks at you, when God sees you, you are perfect.
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So many people are asking the same question right now:
What can I actually do that makes a difference?
In this episode, we slow things down and get practical.
Not perfect. Not performative. Not someday. Now.
We share five real, tangible ways you can show up for LGBTQ+ people —
as an ally, a parent, a friend, a neighbor, and a human being. From advocacy and
voting, to supporting queer creators and businesses, to getting involved locally,
listening deeply, and sharing affirming resources that change lives.
You don’t have to do everything. You just have to do something.
And the best time to start—or to ramp it up—is now.
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We’ve been told for years: be the resistance.
But what if that’s why so many people fighting for love and inclusion feel exhausted?
Inspired by a talk from Glennon Doyle, this episode flips the whole idea:
We are not the resistance. We are the river.
The current of belonging has always been moving — widening across history no matter who tried to stop it. Our role isn’t just to argue or brace against the world… it’s to step into that flow, find our place in it, and live the kind of life that invites others into the water too.
Joy isn’t a distraction from advocacy. It’s one of its most powerful tools.
Because fear can demand compliance — but only love creates movement.
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People can't give what they don't have, and many people simply don't have approval to give. But remember, this has nothing to do with you.
When faced with the rejection and disapproval of others, it’s important to separate your well-being from someone else’s approval. It's just their opinion, and it doesn’t have to mean anything to you.
It's not about your worth in any way whatsoever, it is about but their lack of approval, and the fears and false teachings that fuel that.
How can we break free from the approval of others?
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Loving queer kids today requires honesty: they are growing up in a world that actively questions their right to exist, to be safe, and to belong. In this episode, we speak plainly to parents, caregivers, and allies about what LGBTQ+ kids need — not someday, but right now — in a cultural and political climate that is increasingly hostile.
We confront the real harm caused by silence and “good intentions,” challenge adults to move beyond private support into public protection, and name advocacy as a non-negotiable part of love.
This episode is a call to action for anyone who claims to care about queer kids.
Because love that doesn’t protect is not love — it’s abandonment.
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“We can disagree and still love each other” is often framed as maturity or respect — but what happens when that disagreement puts real people at risk? In this episode, we confront how “just disagreeing” about LGBTQ+ lives, identities, and inclusion stops being neutral and starts becoming dangerous.
We examine the real-world consequences of polite harm, the myth of neutrality, and the cost of silence when injustice is dressed up as belief or civility.
This is a call to move beyond comfort and into responsibility — for families, allies, and anyone who claims to love LGBTQ+ people.
Because love that refuses to protect is not love at all.
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Valentine’s Day can be beautiful for some — and deeply complicated for others. In this episode, we make space for those who feel unseen, pressured, or left out by traditional narratives of love.
We explore why romantic love is often treated as the ultimate measure of worth, how that harms LGBTQ+ people and their families, and what it means to reclaim a broader, more honest definition of love.
This is an invitation to opt out of shame, redefine belonging, and remember that your life, your timing, and your way of loving are already enough.
Because love was never meant to be narrow — it was meant to make room.
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You’ve heard the false teachings. You’ve read the posts. You’ve seen the statements of faith declaring, “Marriage is between one man and one woman.”
This episode is for every LGBTQ+ person harmed by those words — and for every Christian parent who affirms their child, yet still hears that sentence reverberating through their church, their family, and their faith.
Let’s be clear: no one should believe the Bible condemns them — or their child — because of that claim.
Because it isn’t biblical. It isn’t historical. And it isn’t truth.
In today’s episode, we expose the lie and shatter the myth of “traditional marriage” and the fantasy of the "perfect" family — replacing it with what Scripture actually reveals: love, covenant, justice, and grace.
Beloved, this truth belongs to you!
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You’ve heard it repeated by nonaffirming Christians and right-wing politicians: “traditional values.”
But listen closely — and notice what’s missing.
Honesty. Fidelity. Compassion. Justice. Kindness.
So what are “traditional values,” really? Whose tradition are we talking about? From which era? From which culture? From which Bible — and whose Christianity?
In this episode, we expose the myth of “traditional values,”how the phrase became a political weapon instead of a moral compass, and what real, Jesus-shaped values actually demand of us.
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As we step into a new year, we name the truth of this moment for LGBTQ+ lives and rights — without panic, without denial, and without losing hope.
We talk about what’s happening now, what 2026 may bring, and how we respond with courage, clarity, and love.
This episode is for LGBTQ+ people, parents, allies, and anyone who refuses to let fear dictate the future.
We unpack the political landscape, the shifts happening inside faith communities, the fierce resilience of LGBTQ+ youth, and the real, practical ways each of us can show up — for ourselves, for our families, and for the generations coming next.
This is not a warning. It’s a roadmap.
A reminder that you are not powerless — and an invitation to love boldly in 2026.
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This Christmas, we ask a haunting question: Do Christians know it’s Christmas time at all?
When the loudest voices in Christianity celebrate the birth of Jesus while ignoring everything he taught — feeding the hungry, welcoming the immigrant, loving without condition — something’s gone terribly wrong.
In this episode, we take an honest, sometimes snarky, always heartfelt look at how Christian nationalism and ultra-right beliefs miss the very heart of Christmas. We’ll talk about the hypocrisy, the fruit of those beliefs, and what it really means to live out the radical love of Jesus in our world today.
Because Christmas isn’t about power, control, or culture wars. It’s about love. Real, Jesus-shaped love.
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Today, since Christmas is coming up, we will talk about lemons and blackberries.
I know, I know – what does THAT have to do with Christmas?
I want to tell you a couple of stories from my life that involved lemons and blackberries, and what I learned about abundance.
At this time of year, when we all make our lists of things we want, and of things to give, maybe it is the perfect time to really understand abundance.
This is going to be fun and sweet... cause, you know, blackberries! Yum.
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Was Jesus kind of a stand-up comedian?
I mean think about it... A priest, a rabbi, and Jesus walked into a bar. Only Jesus recognized the setup for a joke.
I never really thought about Jesus being funny or not. I mean, we’ve heard the stories 1000 times and... I usually smile at the funnier parts, but I never exactly said, Jesus is really funny!
Then I found a little book that really opened my eyes.
I will share that with you today as we talk about how funny, profoundly funny, Jesus was.
We sure could use a few laughs right now.
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This episode is different. It’s sacred.
The Transgender Day of Remembrance is a day to honor and remember the transgender people whose lives were stolen by violence, hatred, and neglect.
We wish we didn’t need a day like this. We wish the world were already safe and affirming for our trans family and friends. But the reality is, many lives are lost each year—and too often, those lives are ignored, erased, or dismissed.
So today, we stop. We pause. We remember. We honor.
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You are talking about this and then it happens: someone pulls out a Bible verse and declares that God is against transgender people.
You’ve heard it from pulpits, from politicians, maybe from your own family.
But, Beloved, here’s the truth: the Bible does NOT say what these people claim it does. In fact, what the Bible does say about this is actually fully affirming!
So today, we dig in and set the record straight about what the Bible doesn’t say, what it does say, and why this matters so much right now!
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Politicians and pundits have made trans rights one of their top wedge issues. They stir up outrage, and push legislation designed to divide, distract, and control.
We’ve all seen it: bills banning gender-affirming care, bathroom access, policing pronouns, especially in state legislations. Leaders pushing them claim it’s about “protecting children” or “upholding values.”
But, it’s not! This is about consolidating power through fear.
And while trans people feel the sting of this, the harm doesn’t stop with them. It ripples outward, touching every one of us.
Because when anti-trans rhetoric spreads, it erodes compassion, truth, and freedom—for everyone.
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Let’s talk about God! Our favorite subject… Or is it?? It would be—or could be—if we hadn’t been lied to about God.
Well, our job at FreedHearts is to make you feel better about God — or have no feelings about God, that’s fine. But what we DON’T want is for you to have bad feelings about God because they’re usually connected to bad feelings about yourself – and none of that is true!
Today we tell you a story as a contrast to God—about Alfred Hitchcock. Hitchcock is known as the Master of Suspense. Just in time for Halloween!
This is going to be fun!
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Jesus’ message was clear: the kingdom of God is here and now. His anger burned toward those in power who oppressed the vulnerable. His focus was justice, compassion, and service — NOT personal salvation formulas.
Yet so much of today’s theology on LGBTQ issues, sin, salvation, and authority doesn’t come from Jesus at all — it comes from Paul.
So we ask: are Christians really following Paul instead of Jesus?
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Today’s episode is a heartfelt message to non-affirming Christians — or one you can share with them.
It’s a message of hope and courage: you do NOT need to be afraid to support LGBTQ+ people and same-sex relationships.
Yes, the climate feels hostile. Yes, fear is loud. But truth is louder. Prejudice is crumbling. Walls are falling. Pastors are rethinking long-held beliefs. Parents are choosing their child over false doctrine.
This is what faith is meant to be. Not about fear. Not about control. But about love — radical, unstoppable love.
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Today’s episode is both deeply personal and powerfully relevant to the moment we’re living in.
We’re talking about coming out — as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer — in a time when hostility and attacks are escalating. This isn’t just theory — it’s raw, real, and urgent.
All of this in honor of National Coming Out Day on October 11th!
Plus, we’re sharing a major announcement about a bold new chapter for FreedHearts — one we can’t wait for you to hear.
This conversation is about courage, truth, and love in the face of fear. You don’t want to miss it.
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Last week, we talked about healing—the kind that doesn’t just change us, but changes the world. The healing that makes us more kind, more loving, more empathetic.
But here’s the truth: while we’re doing this sacred work, there is a battle raging around us. A relentless stream of fear, attacks, and psychological warfare designed to wear us down, to make us give up hope.
So how do we stand strong in the middle of all that? How do we keep our hearts from breaking under the weight of it?
Today, I have a story for you. It’s not just powerful—it’s one of the most powerful stories I’ve ever heard about finding courage, resilience, and unshakable love in the face of fear. You do not want to miss this.
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How are you doing? Many of us are wondering, with the barrage of news and developments, what do we do?
**Beloved, our job is really not to save the world because we can't do that, not in the way we think.
So, what CAN we do?**
We can help save the world in a different way. We can do our own work and move ourselves into more spiritual openness and maturity, to grow and do the healing work that's inside of us to do.
And that's no small thing! Collectively, that's the best thing we can do to save the world because it helps us be more kind, more empathetic, more loving.
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It's our 200th episode, and we have something very special for you!
We visit with our Asher - the one who started it all for us, the one Susan talked about in her viral TED talk.
Now a transgender man, with a transgender wife, and a child... what a journey it has been!
We talk about that today, and especially about the fears of this generation. From the financial crisis to the housing crisis to COVID to the current administration to AI... their worldview and their fears have been deeply impacted.
What are they afraid of? Where do they find hope - for them and for those who come after? And how we can best understand and help?
You don't want to miss this very special episode!
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Have you tried affirmations where you look in the mirror and say the things that you want in your life, or say the things you want to believe about yourself - and maybe gotten mixed results?
You probably heard about the power of affirmations but in practice find the results not what you’d hoped. Why?
We talk all about that today.
If affirmations are real, if they have power, how can we make them work for us?
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Actually, it is NOT complicated, or confusing, or nuanced. It is really simple.
The Bible IS clear: There is NO condemnation against people who are LGBTQ+ or against same-sex relationships.
You are NOT the ones who need to defend your beliefs. The non-affirming church is.
They ignore the truth of Scripture, and they ignore the devastating, deadly impact of their false teachings.
In this encore presentation of one of our most popular episodes, we give you a clear, simple explanation of why the Bible does NOT condemnation homosexuality.
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What does and does not work when talking to evangelical Christians about LGBTQ issues?
It can certainly be tough and frustrating.
We are dealing with patriarchal, moral-majority driven false teaching. All taught with God’s name attached to it – and grave consequences if you don’t just fall in line.
But we, like a growing number of people, were surprised when we opened that box we had God in.
In this encore presentation, we talk about truly effective ways to change the hearts and minds of non-affirming Christians.
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Love the sinner, hate the sin?? Wait, what??
It sure doesn't feel like love to those on the receiving end. You know why? It’s not! It’s homophobia disguised as love.
Is it from the Bible or any religious text? Nope. In this encore presentation, we dive into this and set the record straight.
Because "love the sinner, hate the sin" is total bullsh*t!
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An encore presentation of our most popular episode ever, and maybe our most powerful! And wow, it’s more needed and timely than ever.
We talk about one of the two deadliest teachings in all of humanity.
It is at the heart of our division. It is responsible for some of history’s most brutal treatment of ethnic groups, religious groups, women, LGBTQ; and it is rampant right now.
What is it and what can we do?
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Do you feel a bit powerless? Overwhelmed? Exhausted?
There are lots of ways this disempowerment can show up. It’s important to practice finding your power, because the truth is, we STILL have our power. It’s beautiful and it’s limitless.
Beloved, today, I have three stories for you about taking your power back!
It’s time!
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We know you see it. We know you feel it. Social media is being used more and more as a tool for radicalization. Extremists exploit platforms to spew propaganda and recruit followers.
Beloved, it is easy for individuals to fall prey to manipulation.
Fake news has become a real threat, affecting everything from our health to our relationships to our institutions. The very features that make social media so powerful, are also what can make it so dangerous.
Today, we want to talk about how to spot fake news and misinformation, and how to stop sharing it, so we can help stop it from hurting people.
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I recently had a session of hypnotherapy and I want to share with you because it was so empowering for me and I think it can empower you too.
In fact, I asked the Universe, Spirit for a message JUST for you (because I’m always thinking of you!) and you know what? I got one!
You’re gonna love this. I’m eager to share it all with you.
Let’s do this.
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We’ve been through a lot of deconstruction, many of us, and have been finding a lot of freedom.
It’s so easy to look outside ourselves, and point at what needs to change in the world — and no doubt it does! I would bet that virtually every person listening is wanting to help rebuild the world into better shape than it is right now.
But how can we do selfcare in all of this? How can we stay positive?
This may look different because the problems may seem so big, insurmountable, but that’s even MORE reason to make our own changes, not less.
There is a way to shift US that can shift the whole. A way to regain our power to create something more than we thought was possible.
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We hear this question a lot lately: How do we Save America?
Whispered in grief and shouted in frustration.
**From parents afraid for their trans kids, from exhausted teachers, from faith leaders trying to hold shattered communities together.
We hear it from the hearts of people who love this country—not so much for what it has been, but for what it could be.**
Saving America is not about taking it back. It’s about bringing it forward. Into love. Into justice. Into healing.
Where do we begin?
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Just Rob today - in time for Father’s Day - with a very special episode talking to Dads. But this is good for all parents, for LGBTQ+ kids, for allies. It helps us better understand and support.
So, Dads, your child is gay or bisexual or transgender. Your love for your child seems to somehow conflict with your faith - at least according to what you may hear from Christian friends.
Like it or not, you are on this journey. What do you do? What kind of Dad will you be?
This is NOT a choice for your child. YOU are the one who has the choice - to unconditionally love, accept and affirm your child, or not.
I am the father of five children, two of whom are part of the LGBTQ+ community. In this encore episode, I share three real responses from other Dads. And I ask you to think about which one is the most like you?
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June is Pride Month—a time dedicated not just to parades and rainbow flags but to profound affirmation and resistance against discrimination.
The skewed Christian view of pride involves a self-centered attitude, placing oneself above others and, most critically, above God. But the LGBTQ+ community is not declaring themselves above anyone else.
Pride Month was born from a necessity to stand against oppression and claim a rightful place in society—not out of a desire to dominate but a need to exist openly and safely. It’s about love, not arrogance.
Today, we share an encore presentation about what Pride really is and how it’s a powerful expression of love’s triumph over shame. It’s a celebration – not a sin!
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I know you feel it. So much fear. So much worry. We see it everywhere, we see it in our own family.
Many are considering whether to stay in their state, or even stay in the country. Or whether it is time to go.
We asked several people we respect in this community about the topic and their answers could not be more varied.
Beloved, what is the right thing to do for your own safety, for those you love, for the communities you care about?
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Your child says, “Mom, I’m Gay!”
You want to shove those words back in and put the lid on. But you can't. Your child is gay or bisexual or transgender. This goes against everything you've been taught. It was not what you had in mind, and you instantly wonder where you went wrong.
When you become a parent, you know to expect the unexpected. But for many Christian parents, nothing can prepare them to hear this from their child.
I invite you to sit down, relax, maybe get a cup of tea, and soak in what we talk about today. My hope is to guide you as we walk for a bit through this maze of confusion, to help you find your way to wholeness.
Whether you have been on this journey for days or decades, this is a wonderful episode for you.
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We heard from a Mom who loves her daughter but does not accept her being gay, understanding but not really understanding, embracing but letting her daughter know she does not approve.
And this Mom could not understand why that was wrong, and why her heart need to be set free.
She represents many on this journey of deconstruction who are in limbo – so overwhelmed by the voices coming from the church, Christian friends, old false teachings, that they cannot hear the still small voice of Spirit.
What is this Mom supposed to do?
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Today, a beautiful episode focused on Moms.
Mother’s Day will come and go. Maybe you’ll do brunch with family, get a call from the kids, maybe open a card or a present. Or not.
If you get a card, it is quite likely that reading those words of appreciation will bring simultaneous joy and guilt!
Seems to be the nature of motherhood.
Sit with me… I would like to talk with you today as a Mom.
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With all that has been going on to attack, condemn, and erase our precious transgender community, we thought it was the perfect time for this.
In this very special, intimate episode, we share something that came from a mom of transgender daughter.
She wrote it for her pastor, for anyone, who is trying to sort out transgender, gender nonconforming, nonbinary—trying to understand what transgender people and their families go through.
This is an incredibly powerful story. It is beautifully written and conveys so well the heart of what it is to parent a transgender child.
An encore presentation, perfect for all that is happening today.
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Today, we continue to focus on the transgender community with an encore broadcast of a very popular FreedHearts Podcast episode from January 2022.
Our trans children, family members and friends are beautiful. And beloved. Living their authentic lives.
Oh my goodness, that is an amazing truth. Amazing stories. Amazing beauty.
False teachings, binary thinking, denial can cause us to miss it all – and cause great harm to those we love.
With all that has been going on, it is the perfect time for this episode. “Don’t Deny the Beauty of Being Transgender!”
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Christians mistakenly suggest that if you take the Bible seriously, you must stand against the existence – as well as the health and even humanity of transgender people.
Actually, the OPPOSITE is true!
In this episode, we talk about how the Bible AFFIRMS transgender and gender non-conforming people. And, how misinterpretations and binary thinking cause people to follow false teachings that are causing so much harm, especially today!
A special encore presentation of one of our most popular episodes ever about the transgender community.
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These past few months have resulted in some deep wounds – often from people that are, or used to be very close to us. We have been told that we should not hold a grudge, that we should let go of everything. But I think we are missing a bigger truth. Could it be that it’s good to hold a grudge?
We don’t want to walk around with resentment, or unforgiveness, because that only hurts us, as we know. So, how could holding a grudge be a positive thing?
Maybe it’s about remembering what someone did to you, or did to someone you love—versus pretending nothing happened. For the purpose of protecting yourself in the future. The idea is that you don’t just forget harmful things people do.
Beloved, there’s deep wisdom in that. There is a real balance in all of this and in today’s powerful episode, we talk all about it.
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Jesus and Christianity and Church. We link those three together but the truth is that to do so has no basis in history, no basis in theology, certainly no basis in today’s non-affirming, rules-based, behavior-focused, hyper-political religion.
Jesus is a great mascot. But Beloved, it’s a bait and switch!
Jesus would be considered unChristian by the Christian church. And the church would be considered unChristlike by Jesus.
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We get caught up in social media. Doomscrolling, fear scrolling, just scrolling to find a glimmer of hope and good news.
We all know the feeling: you see something infuriating and, before you can stop yourself, you’re pounding the keys, firing off a post that will change the world, or at least change someone’s mind.
Anyone else do that?
But, honestly, here’s the thing: posting on social media probably won’t change things as much as we hope.
So, why doesn’t it work, and what can we do instead?
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On this deconstruction journey, we have unclobbered the Scripture that is falsely taught to condemn LGBTQ+ and same-sex relationships.
We have exposed false teachings that are used for religious manipulation.
And we recently addressed the big one: the myth and false teaching of hell!
It’s a lot, and it rattles the core of our theology – but in the most wonderful way. We opened the box we had God in and all heaven broke loose!
Beloved, have you ever wondered… Are we sure?? Can we be certain about our beliefs?
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Has the world gone crazy? Has this country gone crazy? Feels like it for sure.
Do you feel like maybe you’re crazy busy, stressed and overwhelmed? Yeah, me too.
We talked about everything that is happening – the news and developments we are being bombarded with. Coming at us so fast it’s hard to process it all. Which we pointed out is by design.
And all the gaslighting when we confront things out and fight back. Maddening.
Let’s talk about how to handle so much happening so fast -- how to process it and how to best deal with it as much as possible, so we can be more effective in our resistance and our response, while not losing our hope and joy.
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Beloved, hear me: You are not imagining things!
When you see executive orders, policies, rollbacks, hate-filled rhetoric, & you feel that gut-punch of fear — it’s real. When your heart aches because you see rights stripped away, protections dismantled, & lives put at risk — it’s not in your head.
And yet, when we speak up, we are dismissed, laughed at, and told that we are overreacting. It’s a deliberate attempt to make you doubt what you know to be true, to keep you silent, to stop you from resisting.
It’s gaslighting. Pure and simple. We are recognizing it and naming it – and we will not be discouraged or impacted by it!
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We wake up to news, breaking stories happen throughout the day, the barrage of executive orders and developments seem never-ending.
It can easily be overwhelming. Anybody feel that way?
Beloved, that actually may be their goal.
Today, we talk about what is happening in our country right now, how it’s making us feel, and what we can do about all of this to not lose hope, to care for ourselves and to care for those we love.
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We recently came through the holidays. Has anyone ever been uninvited to a family gathering? We have.
Well, Spring is coming, maybe you have a wedding on the calendar?
So, today, we flip the script and talk about YOUR special events… a birthday celebration, wedding, family reunion, graduation.
And we ask the questions: Are there people we HAVE to invite? How do we handle that and how do we balance it all with selfcare?
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How much do you have to listen to someone who wants to tell you how to live and what you’re doing wrong, and if you’d just follow their advice you’d be good? Not much!
Have you heard the phrase “iron sharpens iron” as a justification for someone telling you everything that is wrong with you?
Or have you ever been part of a religious “accountability” group? Same thing -- someone who feels that they have the duty to tell you what you should be doing.
Social media bickering, trolling, bullying — the freedom strangers feel to reply in all caps to someone they don’t know — on an issue they don’t know — is all part of this narrative.
You deserve the truth. Your heart deserves to be freed from the myth and dangers of "Christian accountability."
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Beloved, last week we talked about the myth and false teaching of hell and how we have been so terrorized by it.
That and other false teachings cause us to think and believe the most awful things about ourselves. Things that are just not true!
Today, we tell you some true things… about you.
Jesus said for us to love our neighbor AS WE LOVE OURSELVES. The most important freedom is freedom from your own self-judgment – so we can love and accept ourselves unconditionally and fully and lavishly – so we can love our neighbor the same way.
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According to religion, there are certain beliefs, certain parts of theology, that are not even debatable. Why??
Maybe because they pose the greatest threat to the power system of the church.That’s why when you even question it – you are immediately called a heretic. Or worse.
We have addressed many of these and will continue to do that moving forward.
Today, we want to get into hell… wait, let me rephrase that… we want to talk about the myth of hell. Yes beloved, it’s a myth!
The idea of a hell is absolutely vital to the teaching of contempt, the fear used by religion to manipulate us, and people are terrorized!!
We deconstruct this false teaching to free our hearts to love and be loved.
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We have talked about reclaiming our power, our hope, and not surrendering to doomscrolling or fearscrolling narratives.
Today, we go deeper and press the conversation around fear - to bring us freedom.
We don’t want to live our lives afraid. There’s no life in that.
Fear is not the place to make our best choices. We know that. Fear IS helpful when we really are under threat. But we can’t live from there. The constant stress, the cortisol your body shoots through us to deal with fear, will wreck us.
In a time of so much fear, what do we do? Could fear actually be a gift??
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No one knows you better than you.
No one knows who you are and the journey you have been on better than you.
So, why do so many people not believe you when you tell them? Why do they think they know you better than you know yourself, telling you that you are confused, or just plain wrong?
Let’s talk about how to move forward when you are disbelieved, gaslighted, and treated with contempt.
Beloved, you deserve to be believed about who you are!
Period. End of story.
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Today, we cover some basic faith-related questions: Why are churches so against transgender people? Are we wrong to support them? Does God ask us to support trans people in our community?
Are we just listening to false doctrine?You know what false doctrine is? It’s manmade religion parading as requirements from God. It’s traditions of men that line the pockets of the leaders but leave everyone else, especially the vulnerable out to dry!
Our transgender friends, family and loved ones are hurting right now and we need to speak up, stand up, come alongside them, and sometimes step in front to take some of the arrows coming their way.
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The election is over. One person was elected President and one was not. Half the country is elated and half is distraught.
We knew that whatever the outcome, some would be thrilled and some would be devastated.
We’ve heard from LGBTQ+ people who are in deep despair, in existential fear. And we’ve heard from parents who are confused, saying, “My child is so angry with me. They will no longer even speak to me.” They are bewildered as to why this would be true.
We have always known about the deep divide in families, and this election, far from solving anything, only seems to have deepened the fracture.
Many are overwhelmingly afraid and unspeakably angry at those who voted a certain way. And family members are bewildered.
Let’s talk about this today.
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This is our first episode since the election, and we know many of you are reeling right now, wondering what’s ahead. We have heard from so many of you.
You may feel afraid, terrified, dazed, confused - not even sure where to start to make sense of life right now, and how to move forward.
So, let’s talk about that today.
We are going to talk about fear, grief, what’s next… and never, ever losing hope. And always remembering that we are loved, beloved, and that we are not alone.
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This is a very special episode that I think we all need.
Certainly, we are aware of what has been happening in the world, overwhelmed with media, social media, mixed feelings of hope, followed by dread, doom and fear, then replaced with excitement -- wild emotional swings.
And we expect that to continue and even heighten in the coming weeks.
What do we do in times like these?
Today, we give you specific things you can do to care for yourself and those you love.
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Today we are going to share some queer wisdom. What is that? It is wisdom that accepts people for who they are, inclusive, affirming, celebrates diversity, and loves above all else.
That is what Jesus modeled and taught – and it’s so different from what the non-affirming, rules-based church teaches.
We talk about the validity of church as a construct. And we share with you 15 things queer culture teaches that straight culture doesn’t!
This is going to be so much fun!
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What is happening in your life? Are people telling you to go out there and hustle in an economic system that doesn’t work except for the elite?
Are people saying it’s okay to be gay, but you can’t act on it – that you can only have this kind of partner or else you have to be alone?
Do people tell you to believe what they believe or you’ll go to hell?
That’s real life for many of you – that’s the race you are being asked to run.
The summer has brought us some great sporting events with amazing champions, and I don’t mean just the people who came in first place. I mean those who showed courage, were bold, dedicated to something they loved, lived true to the calling in the hearts.
Huh… sounds a lot like you. This is YOUR life, YOUR race – So let’s talk today about how you can unleash your inner champion.
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You don’t owe non-supportive people answers when they can’t just let you be who you are.
You don’t owe them your time, you don’t owe them your peace, you don’t owe them your soul.
But that can be a challenge, for sure, because you don’t want to end the relationship.
Or, you may have the thought that if you back off, things could still mend somehow in the future.
Beloved, this can be toxic for you. And you don’t deserve that.
Let’s talk about this today and how the most powerful thing you can do for you, for those around you, is to just Be You!
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After diving in – no pun intended – to the recent Olympics, we really want to entice you to look at the spark in yourself, that may have been there from the very beginning. And to let it resurface.
You may have been taught or encouraged to hide it – but we hope you are in a safer place to listen to and follow your heart, and not feel crushed that certain things may not be for you.
That spark of desire can be easily overlooked. Yes, we’re reasoned out of it—by parents, church, kids in school—who tell us that it will never be.
But there’s something inside us from when we’re small, like a guiding star. It is part of what it means to just be you.
Today we help light your inner spark, and let it shine.
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With all this talk about the teaching of contempt and religion, we thought it was time for a little relief: a little ART relief!
When I had cancer five years ago, part of the available treatment was a studio program where we created art. They kept saying, “It’s about the process, not the product.”
I can hardly even express the joy this has opened up in me.
I was amazed to learn that people who participate in the arts – art, music, dance, whatever it is for you – lower their chance of dying early by 31%! Remarkable.
Alice Walker said, “If art doesn’t make us better, what on earth is it for?”
Today, on a very special FreedHearts Podcast episode, we talk about healing with the arts.Love, Susan
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When we talk so much about all the hate and contempt coming from the non-affirming, rules-based church; the hypocrisy, the division out there; it can leave us feeling pretty down.
When we go so deep in our journey coming out of religion, we can miss the beauty along the way.
Today, we want to remind us all of the joy we have found on our journey of deconstruction, and talk about 30 freeing things we have done!
Beloved, your heart really deserves this!
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Today, we continue with Part II of our series asking the question: "What do we do with the Bible?"
People take it literally – ignoring it’s history, as well as all the additions, edits and translations that have been done.
People claim its authority – despite not really knowing who it was written by and why.
And Christians use it to justify great harm to so many groups of people: LGBTQ, people of color, the poor, women. Yet, those same Christians just ignore and set aside the life of teachings of Jesus.
For those of you who are coming out of religion, in particular the rules-based, non-affirming church, it is critical that we deconstruct this to free ourselves from all the baggage that comes from living under this kind of false hypocritical teaching.
Let’s wrap up this series today.
Beloved, it’s time for our hearts to be free.
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This is part one of an important two-part series where we ask the question: “What do we do with the Bible?”
We need to deconstruct it because it is abused and used as a weapon. And then they accuse you of heresy when you even slightly question it. It is used to justify great harm to people - racism, homophobia, transphobia, misogyny etc.
I know you have heard it: “The church doesn't get to choose what the Bible teaches!”
Our response? “Well, the church literally selected, edited, and compiled what’s known as the Bible.”
Beloved, it’s time to deconstruct it, disarm it and put it in the proper place in life.
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We have talked about how the church actually teaches us to hate ourselves, to hate God and the natural next step... to hate others.
Of course, they don’t say that it is hate… they even go so far as to call it love, or tough love. It's all part of their gaslighting! But to those on the receiving end, it IS indeed hate.
When there is such a deep foundation of contempt, this underlying hate, what kind of vibe does this give us? How strong is our foundation? It makes us full of fear and easy to manipulate. And the church is very effective at doing that.
They make it easy to justify rejection, condemnation, oppression, and marginalization.
So, what do we do? What do we do with all this contempt and hate??
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Today, we talk about the Teaching of Contempt for God – and how the church actually teaches us to hate God!!
We may not realize that, amidst the singing of praises, and saying, “Oh God is so good!” but all of it is over a trapdoor of seething contempt for a God who we are taught is capable of some horrible stuff.
That’s our understanding from religion, and it's by design! Why??
So, they can keep you in the pews and add the conditions that if we just do the right things, believe the right things, we will be okay. We will avoid this horrible God.
It’s absolute false teaching! Beloved, you deserve to be free from all of it.
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You only can define God or even think about God in relation to us and the relationship with us.
So, it’s important to know who are we.
Today, we talk about the church’s teaching of contempt for YOU. How the church actually teaches us to hate ourselves!
We talk about who we are, and how God, the Universe, Spirit, really truly feels about us.
In the midst of all the hate and attack out there, wow – we really need this.
We need to find that peace, the kingdom of heaven Jesus said is right now, that childlike wonder and joy!
Let’s find it, reclaim it, and enjoy it!
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Let's have some fun with sloth and gluttony!
Have you been told you’re not working hard enough, that you just want things handed to you while you sit around and do nothing? Isn’t that the trope? That you just need to work harder, and that if you’re not making it, it’s your fault!
Mohamad Safa says, “People aren’t going hungry because we cannot feed the poor. People are going hungry because we cannot satisfy the rich.” Yes!
Billionaires, politicians roll around in power and money, working to maintain systems that keep you down, and then blame you for being lazy!
Let’s deconstruct this and talk today about who is REALLY full of sloth and gluttony, and free our hearts to be truly happy!
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Today, we talk about envy and wrath. Yikes, scary!
Breathe. We are all okay. That’s why we are deconstructing this -- to free our hearts from this fear.
People in power often accuse and shame us in the very things they do!
It’s all about projecting.They project onto us their sins, their crimes. That sleight of hand, that narrative keeps us focusing on our own hearts, and not on theirs.
Our goal here is to free us from the shame and guilt that is poured on to us so others can maintain their power and wealth.
Not today! Let’s do this.
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We’ve been deconstructing the so-called "7 Deadly Sins" — and today we talk about LUST!
The non-affirming church makes rules telling you that you’re lustful—your beautiful relationships are demeaned and reduced to being about lust—because they’re no room in the church to affirm you.
And we ask: Why the heck does it matter what your religious leaders? Why do people’s live turn on this approval or not approval of these authority figures?
This is our 150th episode… and we are going to have some fun with lust!
Let’s do this.
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Have you ever wondered why the conservative nonaffirming rules-based church is so upside-down? They focus downline, shaming and threatening regular people who are just trying to live.
Meanwhile, these leaders are hiding rampant child sexual abuse and promoting teachings that are racist, misogynistic, queerphobic, especially transphobic.
We’ve been talking about how the teachings of religion are Teachings of Contempt, at every level.
In this episode, we continue our deconstruction of the "7 deadly sins” – today, it’s GREED!
What is it all about, and is there an upside?
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June is Pride Month—a time dedicated not just to parades and rainbow flags but to profound affirmation and resistance against discrimination.
The skewed Christian view of pride involves a self-centered attitude, placing oneself above others and, most critically, above God. But the LGBTQ+ community is not declaring themselves above anyone else.
Pride Month was born from a necessity to stand against oppression and claim a rightful place in society—not out of a desire to dominate but a need to exist openly and safely. It’s about love, not arrogance.
Let’s talk today about what Pride really is and how it’s a powerful expression of love’s triumph over shame. It’s a celebration – not a sin!
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We have all heard it: Matthew 3:2: "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."
Actually, this is one of the worst translated passages in all the Bible – and one of the most harmful because of that.
What if what Jesus REALLY said was, “Deconstruct, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” Would that change things? Would it have eliminated a lot of the shame and guilt and harm?
In this powerful episode, we deconstruct this harmful passage and take the blinders off, so we see things as they really are.
There is so much life and freedom available to us.
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Today we deconstruct one of the most insane ideas in Christianity: The alleged fall of humanity, when one person ate forbidden fruit, and now, there is not one shred of goodness in us, not a spark, unless we have asked Jesus to be our Savior.
That’s the story.
The actual theory and false teaching is that because Eve and Adam sinned, the rest of us are born utterly depraved, beyond redemption.
Wow.
As for me — and for you — we have good in us, and we always have! It IS our nature.
Enough is enough! It’s time for the truth. It's time to reclaim how wonderful and beautiful we are.
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Rules, laws, shoulds, shouldn’ts... the Bible is full of them. And the church has even added more to that list!
The religious leaders approached Jesus and asked, “Hey Jesus, Uh, lot’s of rules here, lots of laws, what are the ones that are the most important?”
And Jesus deconstructed ALL the law, ALL of those rules, ALL of the rules the church adds to it and answered… “Love. Love God, love others – and those two are really the same thing. EVERYTHING ELSE IS WRAPPED UP IN THAT.”
So, what the heck happened??
Today we talk about our relationship to rules, to the law. And how we have an ALL-ACCESS pass... to life, to love, to freedom.
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We’ve been wanting to talk for a while about how the conservative evangelical church traps people. It is deliberate.
They draw you in, telling you: God loves you just as you are — yes you’re a sinner, we’re all sinners, duh. But God loves you — just some minor tweaking here and there, and you’ll be good as new.
They dismantle you, making you an enemy of your own heart, mind, body, and spirit - making you doubt yourself at every turn.
Then they seal the exits, so you can’t leave… or think you can’t leave. They make it hard for you to see clearly what’s going on.
So, you magnificent you, full of wonder and curiosity, with innate desire and capability to learn and grow and explore—let’s talk about this today, and about how we can break free!
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Today, we talk about how the church teaches us to have contempt for our own free will.
And, in particular, how we have contempt for, interact with, and treat our children.
This may sound harsh, but, based on their teachings and beliefs, it’s the truth: The religious, rules-based, behavior-focused, conservative church hates its children!
One of the biggest brainwashing con jobs from the church is that our children are sinful and we need to break their will.
Beloved... bullshit!
Let’s break free from that teaching of contempt for our free will, and contempt for our children.
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We have started to ask the question: Who is God?
It’s certainly NOT the old white man in the sky, with all the feminine aspects ripped out.
Something has been stolen from us. Our sacred interior has been ransacked and we have lost the understanding of God who loves us, delights in us.
This is vital because when we know God feels this way about us — we are free to feel this way about ourselves — and we were meant to feel this way about ourselves!
Religion has stolen that God and replaced it with a god who is volatile, masculine, transactional, and abusive.
Whatever bristling feeling you may have when you think about God is because you have been robbed of this full-on love fest!
Beloved, it’s time to fix that.
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Today, we talk all about an example of how gender plays out in real life. How masculinity and femininity are perceived and received, and the impact it has.
When you reduce the feminine, you reduce all the feminine traits: of caring, healing, listening, loving—which are indispensable as a balance to the masculine.
What happens when you do that is toxic masculinity—when masculinity is not balanced by the feminine, and so it runs amok.
Beloved, in this episode we talk about how important it is that we embrace both.
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What is masculine and what is feminine? What is our understanding of what they mean? Why does it matter? And why is the culture, and especially the church, holding so hard to traditional definitions?
Gender has been turned into a false binary that has assigned roles based on gender with very little tolerance for crossover—even though all of us have masculine and feminine in us, and both are necessary for balance.
And we pull the rug out from under the whole thing and talk about God’s gender! Maybe instead of a gender reveal, we’ll call it a gender revelation!
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Here we go! We begin our deep-dive into deconstruction by talking about the core of the false teachings coming from the ultra-religious, non-affirming, conditional-love church. It is the root of our racism, queerphobia, xenophobia, misogyny—so much of our problems and issues today.
What is it? It is the Teaching of Contempt. Us versus them.
So, what is contempt? Contempt means to view someone, a particular group, or something as beneath you, beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. It means: to despise with intensive force.
Yeah. Sound familiar?
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It’s important to deconstruct – especially when your faith has been rattled by religious abuse. You likely know exactly what I am talking about.
If we do not deconstruct, we can be left with a lot of baggage. It’s vital to separate the God of Religion from the truth of God.
Today we have some fun – and we pose a pretty big question.
Beloved, gather round for Bible Story Time! We share with you the story of the whole Bible… yep, the whole thing in one episode. All that we have been asked to believe.
And we pose the question: Does this sound absurd??
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Sometimes, when people attack deconstruction, they talk about it like it’s an attack on Christianity. Actually, it’s just the opposite. Deconstruction is tearing down false religious teaching that goes against the message and life of Jesus. That message has been perverted by much of the Christian religion.
Beloved, there is one thing that scares this non-affirming, fundamentalist, legalistic, rules-based, conditional love church more than anything else. Do you know what that is? It’s YOU. And do you know what they are scared you will do? TALK! That’s why they work so hard to keep you silent and scared.
So, we are going to TALK and begin to ask some pretty big questions.
You are going to love this.
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Have you been called a Prodigal, and told that if you just repent all will be forgiven?
Perhaps you’ve been told that, “Sure, you’re saying you’re gay or transgender—or that you are affirming your LGBTQ+ child--or whatever it is—but one day you’ll repent and then we will “graciously” let you back in the fold!”
Uh yeah, no thank you.Few stories are as misused and misunderstood as the Prodigal.
Our goal is to have you forever see this from a different point of view and, in this episode, we give you the backstory—so you never have to be abused by the Prodigal story again.
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The story of the prodigal has been misunderstood and abused to harm and shame people.
In this very special, powerful episode, we give you a profound, eye-opening retelling of this classic Biblical story about the prodigal – but this time as a transgender womanAnd she is certainly not the one who repents.This will forever change how you view this story!
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When you begin to deconstruct everything you have believed, you begin to wonder who you are.
You’re left wondering: how do I view the world now?
It’s like someone healing from ongoing abuse, and they don’t really know who they are without it—if they’re not an abuse-survivor, who are they?
If you’re not a “Christian,” who are you?
It’s a big question for so many.
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We hear from Christian parents every single day.
Many give reasons why they just will not support, accept, affirm their LGBTQ+ child. Usually because of their interpretation of the Bible and what their pastors have told them to do.
Today we share an email and our answer to a Mom about why parents absolutely MUST support, accept and affirm their LGBTQ+ child.
It is indeed the Christian thing to do.
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We have an amazing capacity to normalize things that can be unbearably painful.
It’s a great survival skill. It really does help us survive unimaginable circumstances. But it’s NOT a great thriving skill. Once you’re past the danger, once you survive, you need a new pattern to thrive.
And you need to know that trauma, those unbearable, dysfunctional family issues – especially those surrounding you living your authentic life, or you supporting your LGBTQ+ child, are not your fault.
Beloved, it's NOT your fault!
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We are not huge fans of New Year’s resolutions. Kind of feels like setting yourself up to fail. I understand the power of motivation and commitment, setting a goal, pushing yourself – but somehow this feels different.
So, instead of New Year’s resolutions – we are doing New Year’s revolutions!
We give you 7 things to stop and 7 things to start that can be life-changing, revolutionary for your life.
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The anti-gay church has done a lot of damage as it is a system that was built on exclusion.
So, if we find ourselves excluded for whatever reason, we take a lot of baggage with us – false teachings, shame, guilt, cult-like programming.
One huge piece of baggage is doubt – wondering if we really are right about all of this. About LGBTQ+. About deconstruction.
This is an important episode for our hearts, our peace, our mental and physical health. It will help free our hearts to love and be loved.
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I have tiny babies in my life now – my grandchildren. I love them – as they are, for who they are. Unconditionally. They don’t have to do anything to earn that. And they never, ever will.
As we grow up, sometimes parents do and say hurtful things and withhold the love and acceptance you deserve. You don’t, and never did deserve that.
So, today I want to give you a gift, just from me, and talk to that tiny child in you through a beautiful story - a picture of God as Mother, and you as the child.Beloved, your heart so deserves this.
Love, Susan
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After you have deconstructed, Christmas becomes an interesting season doesn’t it? Our view of God has expanded, our faith has expanded.
In this beautiful, very special holiday episode, we share three stories - one from Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple; one from Sandra Cisneros; and a unique retelling of the Biblical story for us outliers, the rest of us.
I hope these unwrap the way we see and celebrate this Christmas and holiday season.
It is about reconstructing Christmas in the midst of a deconstructing faith.
Celebrating for the rest of us.
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Have you been uninvited to a holiday or family gathering? Yeah, us too.
And honestly, is that kind of event the last place you would want to be because of things that are said or just because of how you are made to feel?
We are right in the middle of the holiday season, and all the family issues and triggers that can bring.
So, let’s talk about how to navigate difficult family situations, and also about options for when you can’t, or don’t want to go home for the holidays.
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This time of year, and being around family so much can be full of triggers and difficult situations. Especially with all the division and anger out there.
So, how do we deal with infuriating family fanatics?
When we are afraid, angry, and even hurt, how do we love people we don’t even like that much? What does that mean, and what does it not mean?
A very helpful episode as we go into this holiday season.
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Today, we talk about all the things you hear from anti-LGBTQ Christians, and we ask if those are real thoughts and questions, real concerns, or are they just repeating what they have been programmed to say??
We have some fun discussing if they are real people or are they just bots?? ;-)
And, most importantly, we talk about how to respond, especially when they just so happen to be family members.
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How we define family changes. Relationships change. So, our expectations of family should change.
We get triggered, we get hurt, especially at this time of year.
Beloved, you deserve to find your people. You deserve to love and be loved as you are for who you are.
As Richard Bach said, "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life."
Let’s talk about family, chosen family, and realistic family expectations.
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We get a lot of emails from beloved souls who have been absolutely terrified by their church and Christian friends.
Cause, you know, that’s so Christlike. (sigh)
They are told that they’re not enough, that their parents are right, their pastors are right, and they’re just awful if they can’t change their fundamental core. That they are doomed.
No Beloved, you’re NOT doomed!
Today we talk about two kinds of Christianity and faith. They are very different, and WE get to decide which we want to be part of.
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The church will call people a heretic for years before they finally recognize them as a saint.
If we need the church’s approval, to be validated, to be seen, a lot of the world will sit unrecognized.
People whom God sees as perfect and loves unconditionally will often be sitting in the dark in tears, waiting for approval.
You don’t need to wait for approval! Why? Because, you’ve already got approval!
As you are, for who you are. Because Beloved, THAT is what you deserve.
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You know that debating people who are committed to misunderstanding you can be toxic.
We fall down the rabbit hole and it usually does not go well – especially for our hearts and peace. You deserve better!
Let me be clear: YOU are not the one who need to defend ANYTHING. And at times it’s best to just speak the truth, share a resource, and sashay away in all your fabulousness!
Today, we share a very intimate, personal, powerful email we received – and we talk about NOT wasting your time defending yourself!
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Have you ever been told you’re cherry-picking scripture? This is when you don’t buy someone else’s interpretation of the bible, they tell you you’re cherry-picking. We’ve been told this many times, and I’m pretty sure you have been too.
It’s when we won’t lay down our verses and replace them with their verses—the ones they’ve cherry-picked and thrown at us!
It’s when we don’t buy into the church’s interpretation-du-jour, because it doesn’t sit well with us, even if don’t know why. So basically, if you don’t agree, then you’re cherry-picking.It’s a cute little phrase, huh? They say it like it’s a bad thing.Let’s talk all about cherry-picking. Uh yes, yum… I love cherries!
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We hear it all the time, we know you do too: “Jesus said to go and sin no more!” Well, honestly beloved, enough is enough!
Remember that Bible story: “Jesus Scatters Self-Righteous Men in the Name of Mercy and Justice!” No? Hmmm… How about this one: “The Woman Caught in Adultery.” Yeah, that’s more familiar. It’s the same story, but a completely different interpretation.
The commonly taught interpretation misses the main point, which is that these men in authority have manipulated and exploited and abused this woman!
Jesus is not calling out the woman—he’s calling out the religious leaders! He doesn’t fall for their tricks—I love that! And he lets the woman go—I LOVE that!
Today, we deconstruct and disarm “go and sin no more” once and for all!
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For those of us who have a religious background – it was likely ingrained in us that we are broken, fallen sinners – in need of being saved.
And how convenient – a church within walking distance who can help with that – as long as we follow, and do and believe what we are told.
But what if they are completely wrong?
What if you knew that you knew that you knew that there was absolutely nothing wrong with you?? Would that change how you view yourself? Others? Life? The past? The future? Would it give you peace? Hope?
We believe that this is at the core of life itself, and we want to reassure you today that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
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Let's be clear: the false narrative that links grooming with LGBTQ+ individuals is nothing but a despicable lie, born out of hatred and ignorance.
The truth is that most child sexual abusers are heterosexual. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.
What's at play is a sick and twisted desire for power, not love.
Yes, kids ARE being groomed – prepped, taught, indoctrinated, predisosed – but what they are being groomed for is hate and conditional love and bigotry.
We are being played with this false narrative and enough is enough.
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We have all heard about decluttering your stuff – keeping what is important and what makes you happy.
Well, the same is true with decluttering our beliefs – especially for those of us who are deconstructing from harmful, false religious teaching.
When you have a collection of beliefs that don’t work for you – that don’t focus on loving God, loving others, and loving yourself, it is such a gift to you and those around you to declutter those beliefs.
As you discover the truth about how far out of hand those beliefs have gotten, how hurtful they are, you can neutralize them! Lift them off your shoulders.
It’s time to declutter your beliefs, so your heart can be free to love and be loved.
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The LGBTQ+ debate gets crazy out there doesn’t it?
Raise your hand if you’ve heard this one: “If two men can get married, why can’t I marry my dog?” This is a real thing people throw around.
Or, “If two men can have sex, why can’t I have sex with a child?”
These are real things that are said by people trying to defend homophobic and transphobic views, and distract from the real conversation, from the truth.
I don’t know if they’re just inciting us, or if they really mean it… but in either case, we’re going to deconstruct this silliness today, and talk all about CONSENT!
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The word woke is all over our screens, the campaign trail, the news… but what does it really mean and where did it start? How did it become a bad thing?
The earliest usages of woke date back to the early 20th century and the idea of Black people “keeping their eyes open” to the realities of white supremacist violence. “Stay woke!” continued as a warning call until it started to enter the mainstream and lose its original meaning.
And the non-affirming, ultra-religious crowd has now succeeded in making “woke” a bad, negative term.
But it’s not, and it shouldn’t be – and we want to help reclaim that. #WokeAF
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The trouble with religious rules is that they are often motivated by fear and written by men who want to strengthen their power and control.
Many of us who are deconstructing still struggle with the deeply ingrained, false, damaging teaching based in keeping the rules.
In this episode, we ask ourselves “Do we have any religious rules which get in the way of loving others and loving ourselves?”
And, we give you 10 religious rules that every person should absolutely break! :-)
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Fear! It’s such a powerful, destructive force.
We talk a lot about how so much of what we see out there – and what we face in our own hearts – is all about fear. And are we afraid of a PRETEND God??
Beloved, we don’t need to be afraid – but what do we do?
So, we talk today about how we might quiet those fears, and we share two lovely pieces from the amazing writer and poet Jacqueline Woodson, from her memoir in poetry, Brown Girl Dreaming.
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A lot of non-affirming Christians and churches are trying to fool you. But we are not going to let them.
They are trying to change their tactics, their tone. The marketing and phrases seem to be welcoming to those in our community who are LGBTQ+. But they are not welcoming at all!
To guard our hearts, we need to be able to hear and recognize these tricks, these lies.
So, we want to let you know some ‘sneaky’ things you might hear from churches, people on social media, or even Christian friends and family.
What they say, and what they really mean!
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We are going to talk about truth. I know that’s kind of a trigger word – as what is truth, whose truth is it. It’s easy to get confused.
Is there something we can default to? A core we can stand on?
Especially when comes to Christianity, when that word alone can be triggering because of so much false teaching, harm, hate and hypocrisy -- unlike the Jesus they claim to follow.
So, today we’re talking about the truth that really sets you free, and about if Jesus is still relevant after we have deconstructed our faith.
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Many of you know how to respond to the accusations and arrows coming your way. We know the truth in our hearts, but we sometimes struggle on how to respond with the confidence and peace we have.
And for some of us, these questions can be a real stumbling block, especially to those new on the journey of deconstructing or of living their authentic lives.
We want to address 4 questions that non-affirming Christians commonly ask that can be scary – that can cause us to pause. They shouldn’t, and they don’t need to, but they do.
So, let’s deal with them, so our hearts can be even more free to love and be loved!
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Multiple times a day, we get attacked and accused. We hear it all!
One of the things we hear a lot is that our ears are just being tickled, that we are cherry-picking verses, that we are rewriting the truth so that we can justify sin – that we are taking the EASY way out. They say that unconditional love is the easy way out!
So, we're talking about this – because we know many of you hear and deal with the same things.
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Every day, we hear from people who grew up in a church that teaches a conditional God who’ll drop you into hell – and if you end up there it’s your fault anyway. It’s like, you’re barely acceptable to God as it is, you lowly worm, but if you’re gay or trans or bisexual, you are basically sht out of luck!
That’s what many people are taught, and it’s surprisingly stuck in our heads. We know better by now, we’ve been taught better by now, but dang, the fear just keeps popping up!
We want to help get all that hurtful false teaching about God – and about you - out of your head. A powerful, intimate episode.*
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Anyone out there who has people who are trying to change them? Yeah.
Some with good intentions, I guess. And some, let’s be honest, with bad intentions based on fear.
So, how do we respond when someone reaches out to us to help us get "back on the path", "get back in God’s will", "get back on the straight (ha!) and narrow"??
Especially if it is someone we are close to.
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When we were in the non-affirming evangelical church, we did not realize how toxic it was or how sick it was making us.
When we opened the box we had God in, when we began to deconstruct those false teachings, we begin to see all the symptoms – our views, attitudes, lack of compassion, judgment.
We came to understand how sick toxic religion had made us.
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The false teachings about hell and the devil do serious damage to our hearts – especially those who have been rejected by the church for who they are, or for what they stand for.
It IS the number one fear for people who are LGBTQ+ and come from Christianity. It IS the number one fear for people who are deconstructing their faith.
"Oh crap, is the devil making me do all of this? What if I am wrong, could I end up in hell?"
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I think we all know parents who want their child to change.
Maybe you are that parent. A Mom or Dad of an LGBTQ+ child and you feel alone, and don’t know what to do.
Thank you for loving your child enough to listen to this episode.
You’re not alone, and perhaps this is the answer you’ve been praying for.
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Being straight… or being gay or lesbian or bisexual… or being transgender… or being queer, or intersex… is NOT a choice. It is who we are. It is how things are.
It was never a choice to be a certain way, and it is not a choice, not an option to NOT to be that way.
But we hear from parents who don’t understand, from people who do understand but don’t give a crap. They say "just choose something different."
So, today we talk all about free will.
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The threat is growing from anti-transgender legislation that is being introduced and passed in various parts of the country.
Many of these bills are targeting transgender youth and are attempting to limit their access to medical care.
Beloved, the time is NOW to stand up and speak up in support of our transgender family and friends.
Please share this important episode.
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The music at the beginning and the end of every episode is the song "Calm Me Down" by our daughter Hannah, you may know her as Saint Sinner.
She is a Grammy-nominated singer/songwriter, an incredible producer, an innovative creator as a DJ artist, and she is an all-around amazing, inspiring human being with a beautiful soul.
This is our 100th episode and we want to do something special!
We don’t have guests on the show, but we are making an exception for this special episode, and we thought the perfect person would be our daughter Hannah - Saint Sinner.
We talk about what it’s like to be our kid, messy church stuff, coming out, her music, and she is going to sing for you!! :-)
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When you deconstruct your faith, sometimes people get afraid that they won’t be able to “find God again” – or Spirit, the Universe, God – however you define that.
Why is that a challenge?
Because old false religious beliefs are so deeply ingrained in us, and we were taught to be terrified of anyone on the outside. And to be terrified of our own hearts.
So, deconstruction can come loaded with guilt and accusations – all false and based on lies – but it can still impact us.
Can we find God again? How do we? What does that even look like now?
Let’s talk about that today.
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This is The Deconstruction Zone, where we help those of you who come from a nonaffirming, rules-based Christian past – with all the shame, guilt, wounds and trauma that go with that – deconstruct false religious beliefs.
Deconstruct those lies about you, those you love, about God, about life – and reconstruct a spirituality that fits perfectly for you – whatever that looks like.
A spirituality that affirms you as you are, for you are, with a message that you are beloved. Period.
Sometimes we get asked… "Why can’t the church just be fixed?" This is a question based in sorrow for what has been lost – or maybe a sorrow for the dream and hope that was never realized.
Beloved, let’s talk about some deep, core issues, and why the church is broken and can’t fix itself.
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We hear the hate coming from the nonaffirming church about things like drag queen storytimes, transgender bathroom laws, and more… all disguised in the “we care about the children” lie! Disgusting and indefensible.
Just to be clear – it has NOTHING to do with children. Kids are being used in a transparent attempt to hide hate and bigotry. Period.
So, what are the REAL threats to children? What does real damage to kids?
The pop-Christian gospel.
Today, we give you 8 ways that the pop-Christian gospel damages children.
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One of our most popular YouTube videos is called: A Pastor Looks Up in Tears. It is about a non-affirming pastor who is shocked at what he discovers about God, others, and himself when he gets to what the Bible calls Heaven.
We have connected with tens of thousands of parents who have been pressured, and sometimes convinced by their church to reject their LGBTQ+ child… to condemn and shame them, to kick them out of the house, disown them.
So, we want to do a version of that video here on the podcast – for parents, instead of a pastor.
What happens when parents who have not fully accepted and affirmed their LGBTQ+ child come face-to-face with God?
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It breaks our hearts when people talk negatively about themselves. Most of the time, this is based on a belief that, at our core, we are probably a disappointment to God, that God is mad at us.
We have talked about how the message of Jesus has been distorted and replaced with these false lies that you are broken, that you need saved.
That is NOT from Jesus or God and we call bullshit!
For us to understand how truly loved, how absolutely beloved we are, can change everything!
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Every day, we see the pain and betrayal inflicted in people’s lives from the rules-based, non-affirming Christian church. The devastating suffering of those who have been destroyed by their family and church rejecting them, condemning them—leading to depression, homelessness, substance abuse, and stunningly high suicide rates.
Sickening. Indefensible.
And you know what, it's absolutely NOTHING like the Jesus these people claim to follow.
Here’s the truth… Jesus is the biggest threat to Christianity!
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So many of you listening have been on the receiving end of faith-based family rejection. Maybe because you are part of the LGBTQ+ community – maybe because you support and affirm someone who is – or maybe just because you are deconstructing from false religious beliefs.
The truth is that this rejection has nothing to do with you and speaks volumes about the people treating you this way.
Today, we share with you a powerful, moving letter written by someone to all the family members who rejected them.
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We have a brand-new grandbaby—and are so happy--and thought this was a great opportunity to talk about pronouns.
We all will use they/them pronouns for our grandchild until they let us know something else.
It will be very natural and normal to be raised in a gender inclusive environment. Honestly, it really is unnatural NOT to be – but that is a result of binary thinking that has ingrained itself into society.
Let’s talk about all of that today.
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Drag queens seem to be in the news with Drag Queen Storytimes! You hear people promoting false fear and lies about kids in danger. But you also hear other people pointing out how kids are likely safer with a drag queen than with many religious leaders! Yeah, truth.
Today we are going to talk about someone very special. Someone whose life and impact challenge many in the church, and reach a growing number of outliers and outcasts.
We are going to introduce you to The Drag Queen Preacher: Ms. Penny Cost.
You are going to fall in love! And maybe you'll be inspired that YOU are indeed the perfect person to share whatever message is on your heart. <3
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Today, we are going to talk about one word… “homosexual.” And how it was never in the Bible. Nope, NEVER!
A handful of verses in the Bible have been falsely taught and used to propagate modern homophobia and transphobia. But, guess what? The words homosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender were never actually in the Bible!
That all changed in 1946 when an American Bible company mistranslated two ancient Greek words. And this mistake became the foundation of the anti-LGBTQ+ culture that still exists today!
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Beloved, are you tired of feeling miserable?
Where does misery even come from? What leads to it? The answer may surprise you!
Let’s talk about that, so we can do something about it.
Because, Beloved, you deserve to be happy, content, joyful and loved.
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We deconstruct dangerous religious beliefs and false teachings that steal your life, and steal your joy.
In this episode, we look at how different the reality of the actions and core beliefs of the non-affirming, behavior-focused, rules-based part of the Christian church is from what we heard from them – from what they told us Jesus wanted us to do.We listened, we heard, we did what they said and look what happened??
They turned on us.
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We are not big fans of New Year’s Resolutions as they are often things you promise to do and then when it does not work out that way, there is a lot of guilt and shame. And we certainly don’t deserve that.
In this episode, we want to do something a little different. Something very special.
We want to share with you 10 things that you can STOP doing!
And these may be things that could change everything… your heart, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about others.
They might even change the world.
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We have been told by Christians that our opinion on LGBTQ+ people is invalid—that our opinion is invalid because we have two children who are part of that community, and of course, we would just change our opinion to justify them.
No!
Let me tell you something. Since our two kids came out, we have pondered, prayed, pressed for answers. We have sought, studied, searched for God. We listened and asked and listened some more. And through it all we heard that still small voice, expressing truth and love and transcendent peace.
Don’t you dare tell me that our opinion is invalid and doesn’t matter.
We are the ones whose opinion DOES matter, because we have something very important at stake—two very important somethings.
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Toxic Christianity has resulted in so much harm, so much pain. It is based in a behavior-focus, rules-based, nonaffirming religion that puts God in a box and justifies rejection, condemnation, and the suffering it imposes.
This teaching is given in such a controlling, cult-like way, with manipulation, threats, gaslighting, that it can be difficult to get out of. That is why we do this work. To help you deconstruct those false beliefs, so you can build a beautiful spiritual journey.
When you start to deconstruct your faith, when you open the box that religion has put God in, when you begin to set your heart free, people will say all kinds of things.
Why? To get you back in line. To deal with their own fear. To maintain control.
Today, we want to share things people will accuse you of when you start deconstructing, so you are best prepared to respond and stay on this beautiful journey you are on.
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We have talked about one of the biggest lies you will ever hear in church: That you are broken, unworthy. And we talked about self-love being one of our biggest sources of resilience.
But, much of religious teaching tries to tell you that self-love is a false teaching. Wrong!
Self-love is so powerful, so critical to everything in life, and the lack of self-love is so dangerous and deadly.
In this important episode, we go deeper so we can understand this more, and love ourselves more with joy and freedom.
Beloved, we deserve it! Remember, "you can’t stop me lovin’ myself!"
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We’ve talked about the teaching of contempt as one of the deadliest teachings in all humanity.
Another deadly teaching, and one of the biggest lies you will ever in church, is that you are broken. That you are not worthy, that you need fixed, that you need saved.
This false, deadly narrative has led to so much harm!
Part of that is the attempt to make self-love a bad thing, even go so far as to claim that the focus on self-love is a cult!
But, in the words of BTS, you can’t stop me lovin’ myself!
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Today, we share a letter we received from a beautiful soul – a transgender woman who found hope in the midst of deep pain.
We have called this space, our time together the FreedHearts Deconstruction Zone.
Our goals are to help you deconstruct false, damaging beliefs that are often deeply ingrained.
We want to bring clarity in the midst of confusion, to bring freedom instead of fear, and bring hope to your heart.
That is what we do. That is what this episode is all about.
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Recent and possible upcoming Supreme Court rulings, battles in conservative states over books and transgender human rights – and remembering back to a clerk in Kentucky, a baker in Colorado, a florist in Washington... All of these, in one way or another – sometimes direct, sometimes indirect – are all discriminating against LGBTQ+ people, women, children, people of color, and many others, all in the name of 'religious liberty.'
It is indefensible to just add God to it, and expect to get away with all this hate and harm.
Well, we are doing this episode because we want to join the growing voices who will not remain silent, who are not going let them get away with it anymore.
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Just Rob today… talking to Dads. But this is good for all parents, for LGBTQ+ kids, for allies. It helps us all better understand and support.
So, Dads…Your child is gay. Your love for your child seems to somehow conflict with your faith - at least according to what you may hear from Christian friends.
Like it or not, you are on the first steps of a journey. What do you do? What kind of Dad will you be?
Being gay is not a choice. Whether or not you unconditionally love, accept and affirm your gay child is.
Rob is the father of five children, two of whom are part of the LGBTQ+ community. In this episode, he shares with you three real responses from other Dads. And he asks you to think about which one is the most like you?
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We often talk about parents who accept their LGBTQ+ kids, and about parents who don’t.
Today, we flip the script and talk about children who condemn their LGBTQ+ parents, and how to respond to that.
Maybe this is for you, maybe for someone you love.
Let’s talk about how we can best protect our hearts against what can feel like a relentless, intimate attack, and how we can respond to these common arguments.
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In this episode, we talk about how affirming parents respond! When they are a child’s advocate and ally, a child’s defender and protector – to family members, sometimes very close family members, and friends, who are NOT affirming. Not accepting. Way too often openly anti-gay and cruel.
We want to share a letter a mom wrote on behalf of her transgender daughter. It is beautiful.
Sometimes we stand behind our LGBTQ+ kids in support. Sometimes alongside them in solidarity. And sometimes we stand in front of them to take the arrows coming their way.
It’s called love and it’s what a parent should do.
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How are you doing? Are you a bit discouraged? Disillusioned?
For those of you with a faith background, those of you deconstructing… How are you doing with your faith overall, spiritually, with church even as a concept?
Have you had it with church? Don’t really know what do to with what you’re feeling?
Yeah, I hear you.
This is the perfect episode for you. Let’s talk.
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Today we’re doing something very special.
We’re going to revisit the most popular episode we have ever done!
It was first broadcast in October 2020. But now, two years later, it’s even more important than ever.
It’s about one of the deadliest teachings in all of humanity. In all of human history.
And, unfortunately, it’s a teaching that seems to have become normal today.
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There are lots of issues in the news about gender, and about transgender children.
We talk a lot about the binary teachings on gender and sexuality that are so prevalent in the patriarchal, nonaffirming church.
These false teachings have led to so much harm to marginalized people. So much hate masked by false teachings.
We are NOT going to let hate win, and part of that is helping free our hearts from all the junk we have heard for so long. Deconstructing those false teachings and harmful beliefs.
Today, we want to do that around parenting a child – and how parents can avoid gender stereotypes for kids!
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We’ve all seen the increasing divisiveness in our culture over every little thing! It’s funny, they used to make jokes about how a church can split over the color of the carpet! Well, now that religion and politics seem so entwined, these private divisions have spread into the general public, and we continue to divide over Every. Single. Thing.
A mom brought us a verse she saw a religious leader use—Luke 12:51—that talks about how we are not here to be "politically correct" or cater to society, but to follow God’s teaching.
This has been misused as permission to be so cruel to each other in the name of religion.
But when a nonaffirming Christian throws out a verse like this, it can be hard to answer. Let’s talk about that today, and about how we respond to divisiveness.
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We hear it every day… horror stories from LGBTQ+ people, and other outliers, about how they have been mistreated by families, so-called friends, community… their lives have been ruined. And the people, the churches, who have done this just explain it away, ignore it. Frustrating. Infuriating.
People are so easily ruining lives.
In this episode, we talk about a Mom who is so blinded that not only does she not see the damage she has done with her beliefs, she thinks that WE are the ones who ruined her relationship with her son!
You need to hear this.
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Actually, it is NOT complicated, or confusing, or nuanced. It is simple. The Bible IS clear: There is NO condemnation against people who are LGBTQ+ or against same-sex relationships.
You are NOT the ones who need to defend your beliefs. The non-affirming church is! They ignore the truth of Scripture, and they ignore the devastating, deadly impact of their false teachings.
In this episode, we are going to give you a clear, simple explanation of why the Bible does NOT condemnation homosexuality.
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Deconstructing faith means tearing down ingrained, false, damaging, nonaffirming beliefs, and replacing them with empowering, inclusive, affirming beliefs.
This leads to a deeper faith, being more in love with Spirit, and being more aligned with the simplicity and love of Jesus!
It helps us be more free. And who doesn’t want you to be free?? People who want to control you! And they are trying to convince you that deconstruction is a bad thing. It’s not! You do not need to be scared of deconstruction.
Faith should be about questions we can’t answer, instead of answers we can’t question.
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The author of Harry Potter has lost her freaking mind on her indefensible attacks on our transgender community. So why are we talking about Harry Potter?
Because: just to push away Harry Potter and all that it’s meant to us—even as we rightly push away its author—may not be the best option for us.
We don't have to let her steal this from us. The stories are ours!
We’re here to help navigate new possibilities for our relationship to Harry Potter, that has meant so much to so many—so you can be in the healthiest and most empowered place for you.
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In this powerful episode, we are going to go deep on the idea of honoring yourself.
I hear from people all the time who doubt who they are—who aren’t sure if it’s okay to be who they are!
They look in the mirror, they ask people around them, they read scriptures, they ask God, and they never find peace because even when they hear a YES, YOU’RE GOOD! they don’t believe it!
Beloved, the Spirit will lead us in all truth. Our hearts are good. We can listen to and trust that still small voice of Spirit.
Let’s talk about truly honoring our bodies and honoring ourselves.
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**A phrase we hear a lot is codependence.
Many of us are probably in a codependent relationship – which is not healthy – not the ideal – and we don’t even know what that looks like. What that means.
Codependence can be a slippery term, and it can be tough to define.
Today we talk about if we more codependent than we think, and how we can set ourselves, our hearts free.**
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There’ve always been absurd ideas, and those who believe absurd ideas. And no amount of counterevidence will make any difference.
‘Absurd’ comes from the word for out of tune, dull, irrational.
Religion, political groups, subcultures, continue to maintain and endorse many absurd ideas. So much so, that they have become normal! So, let’s take a look at a few.
This is going to be fun!
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Have you heard the term intersex? Do you know what it means? You might, or maybe you are not sure.
Have you met an intersex person? You probably have and you didn’t even know it.
For all of us, it’s time to be quiet and listen, It’s time to learn.
In this special episode, we want to give up the mic so-to-speak, and share with you the stories and insights of intersex people about everything from common misconceptions to what they wish you knew.
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Ever wonder what God REALLY thinks of your LGBTQ+ child, friend or family member... or what God really thinks of YOU??
We want to address the ultimate question today. The big one.
Often we are so scared of the answer, we don’t even want to go there.
But hear me now… you have NOTHING to be afraid of. Nothing!
Beloved, You really need to hear and take in the answer to the question: “What Does God Really Think of Me?”
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When someone comes out – it often changes everything in relationships.
Sometimes for the better as they get deeper, richer, more authentic, more inclusive and accepting. But sometimes not, and these relationships - parent-child, friends, family – that we considered a given – may now seem unsure and shaky. And at times, they are unsafe.
But how do we know?
How can we tell if a relationship is safe??
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How do you think people feel about the IRS? I can tell you the answer: People don’t love the IRS. It’s intimating—it wields unrestrained power, and you have no recourse—it’s virtually impossible to fight back.
Let’s be honest, a lot of us have the same experience with religion. Hurt so badly by manipulative false teaching given with unrestrained power, and then told it’s just the way it is.
We feel like we have no recourse, like we can’t fight back.
But beloved, we can! You can! Let’s talk about this false narrative and how we can respond.
This episode includes one of the most powerful, transformational teachings we have ever done!
This is going to be great!
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Sometimes we feel like if we take care of ourselves, focus on ourselves, love ourselves – it means that we are NOT doing that for others. Wrong!
But, we often feel guilty for taking care of ourselves. So we don’t! It can even make us resent serving others, especially compared to false expectations placed on us.
So, we want to talk today about if we can please ourselves AND please others.
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Every day via email, social media, comments we get questions from non-affirming Christians that are supposed to stop us in our tracks. Stump us. Be unanswerable.
Recently, someone shared two questions from their pastor. Did they stump us? Nah. Are they unanswerable? Nope.
Does this sounds familiar?? Religious leaders approached Jesus with questions they thought would undo all his teaching – but what it really did was reveal their heart and focus.
Let’s do this!
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Many of you came out of the church - out of nonaffirming religion. The evangelical church, denominations.
And many of you are now deconstructing your faith. Discovering what the Bible does and does not say about a lot of things including LGBTQ. God has gotten bigger. The universe, spirit has gotten more personal. It is beautiful! As we have said: When we open the box we have God in, all heaven breaks loose.
But now what? Especially… What do we do about church??
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What do you do when you and your spouse disagree about your LGBTQ+ child?
This is such a tough situation because the issues that divide are often deeply-held beliefs. You know the ones.
I am pretty sure it has cost you relationships – but what happens the relationship at stake is your marriage?
Big, difficult, scary. Yeah.
A special, important episode.
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What does and does not work when talking to non-affirming evangelical Christians?
It can certainly be tough and frustrating.
We are dealing with patriarchal, moral-majority driven false teaching. All taught with God’s name attached to it – and grave consequences if you don’t just fall in line.
But we, like a growing number of people, were surprised when we opened that box we had God in.
In this episode, we will talk about how we can change the hearts and minds of non-affirming Christians.
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We visit the FreedHearts Inbox and answer three tough questions that affirming people often wrestle with.
We are gaslighted with these. Manipulated. But they are false at their very core and they DO have answers that bring us peace and clarity.
In this episode, we talk about these three questions you have certainly heard and may have yourself… and we answer them!
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We hear from so many people who have been deeply wounded by parents, by family, by friends, by those in the church who claim to speak with God’s voice.
Deep wounds. Physical, spiritual, emotional.
Sometimes there is an apology from the person who did the wounding, but sometimes that is just not enough. Does an apology mean we have to reconcile?? Absolutely not!
We’re often made to feel guilty—but we know that sometimes, an apology is just not enough.
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Selfcare is so important, now more than ever.
A listener wrote us about being triggered by something and going into a full blown panic attack. Scary. Things like that, and even the rapid pace of deconstruction, can cause a lot of stress. And we often forget to take care of ourselves.
So, in this episode, we want to talk about what effective selfcare looks like.
Beloved, you deserve it!
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In this very special episode, we’re going to share something that came from the mom of a transgender daughter. (With her permission, of course.)
She wrote it to share with her pastor, with anyone, who is trying to sort out transgender, gender nonconforming, nonbinary—trying to understand what that community, and their families, go through.
This is an incredibly powerful story.
It is beautifully written and conveys so well the heart of what it is to parent a transgender child.
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Our transgender children and family members and friends are beautiful. And beloved. Living their authentic lives.
What an amazing truth. Amazing stories. Amazing beauty.
False teachings, binary thinking, denial can cause us to miss it all – and cause great harm to those we love.
Don’t deny the beauty of being transgender!
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Some Christians mistakenly suggest that if you take the Bible seriously, you must stand against the existence – as well as the health and even humanity of transgender people.
Actually, the OPPOSITE is true!
In this episode, we are going to talk about how the Bible AFFIRMS transgender and gender non-conforming people. And, how misinterpretations and binary thinking cause people to follow harmful false teachings.
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In this episode, we are going to get a little crazy and talk about cults! :-)
Big word. Scary word. But maybe a little closer to our lives, a little closer to home than we think.
So, what makes something a cult? We give you 25 attributes of a cult. You may be surprised, and some may be a little too familiar.
Let’s talk.
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So, how are you doing? Any family issues?? We have some... we have family holding events, celebrating and we were not invited. We have celebrations with part of our chosen family.
When family is at odds over core beliefs and major heart issues, it can certainly get tricky.
So, we thought it might be an ideal time to ask… What in the world IS family anymore.
And… Is this even still my family???
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“What if you’re wrong?” People ask us this all the time, and then usually follow up with “Aren’t you afraid of leading people astray?” This seems to be the underlying fear for so many Christians.
We have addressed this on an individual level but, today, we want to talk to the church!
It has so consumed the Church, with this fear being spoonfed to people for decades, it hardly thinks to turn the question around on itself.
So we are asking: Well, Church, what if YOU’RE wrong?
In this episode we give 7 reasons why the Church should be afraid NOT to fully affirm LGBTQ+.
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Ahhh, the joys of Christian guilt. (sigh)
In this episode we talk about how this guilt deeply impacts those in the LGBTQ+ community. Specifically how false teachings and manipulation have been systemically used to cause people to hate who they are.
Let’s talk about Christian guilt below the belt.
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In their ongoing pursuit of "religious freedom," people step over the bodies of LGBTQ+ youth literally stranded on the street! They turn a blind eye to horrible injustice all around them. Why?? In order to maintain their ideal of pretending they are fighting 'sin.' And pretending that they live a righteous life.
We're calling BS on this being about religious liberty. Really, it’s just personal preference. And we want to be part of not letting them get away with it anymore.
In this episode we talk about how religious liberties are actually not even Biblical.
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Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control, where victims are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity!
So, how does this show up towards those in the LGBTQ+ community?
An important episode.
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In this episode, we pay another visit to the FreedHearts Podcast Inbox!
We answer questions from our listeners like… “How can someone be transgender when God doesn’t make mistakes?” “Why do you say the LGBTQ issue is a dealbreaker in church?” “If I deconstruct my faith, can I still keep some things I believe in?” “Can I love and follow Jesus and not be a Christian?” and “Why do you have to be so irreverent?” Wait, what?? Are we? Yeah, well… maybe a little. But, actually, that's okay. :-)
Let’s talk about all of this.
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“A Love Letter to My Non-Affirming Christian Friend”
This is a very special episode.
It is specifically meant to be shared with anyone who is not fully accepting and affirming their lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender child or loved one.
It is an honest, but loving letter from our heart to yours. <3
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Homophobia in the church is so overt, so common, that if you say, "I’m a Christian." – you have to quickly add “But I affirm LGBTQ!” because it’s just assumed you’re homophobic!
What happened?? How do people still in the nonaffirming church not see it?
How did the Christian church become so unlike Christ, and why is Jesus the biggest threat to Christianity?
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When you look at non-affirming Christians, and you look at Jesus, they often seem as far apart as they could get.
There are so many things that many Christians are doing and believing that are so unlike the Jesus they claim to follow. But they slap Jesus’ name on it like a stamp of approval.
Honestly, Jesus has to be shaking his head saying, "Oh my gosh! Please—stop!"
So what are those differences? It’s time for a Christian gut-check!
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“What if you're wrong about LGBTQ+?” I've been asked many times. And in this episode I will give you my answer.
I am also asked, “How do you know for sure if you are right or wrong?” If you are out there and you are wondering… We have an easy test for you.
Non-affirming people trample over others in a quest to be right. But, if you’re going to say you follow Jesus, you’d better be characterized by lavish, overriding love. And, if you’re not… what if YOU’RE wrong?
Let’s talk about all of that, and how to know for sure. It’s easy.
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Have you heard this? “Okay, okay, you’re gay, but you just can’t act on it.”
This is a common thing out there: “What about gays just not having sex?”
Let’s be honest, this is a copout to make non-affirming Christians feel better – but it only adds to an LGBTQ person’s mental health load because it conveys a message that something is wrong, something is broken, less than ideal. It is cruel, unkind and unloving.
There’s a lot to unpack here, so, let’s do this.
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Conversion Therapy / the Ex-Gay Movement – the awful effort to try to get LGBTQ+ people to somehow not be gay anymore!
You’ve heard of it, maybe you've experienced it. Today we are going to talk about two things: First… the big lie – the fraud – the scam – the false message of conversation therapy. And second… the dangerous, dirty little secret they don't want you to know about. The secret that many people do not know about, but it is critical to understand.
Conversion therapy is deadly and it’s time for the truth. Let’s do this.
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“Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin??“ We're Calling Bullsh*t!!
"Love the sinner, hate the sin??" Wait, what?? It sure doesn't feel like love to those on the receiving end. You know why? It’s not! It’s homophobia disguised as love.
Is it from the Bible or any religious text? Nope.
In this episode, we are going to dive into this and set the record straight!
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**Can we talk about Olympic Gymnast Simone Biles standing up for her mental health, and how this relates to people in the LGBTQ community?
Let’s talk about self-care, self-advocacy, and being shredded by armchair critics who have lost their humanity.
These people do not deserve a voice in your head, or any space in your beautiful heart.**
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Today is a very powerful, important episode.
We talk about how to deal with abusive people. How do we love people who are tough to love? Is a toxic relationship worth fighting for? Is it unloving to step away from abusive people?
How can we get what we need? And so many of you are not getting what you need from your faith communities and even your families, which is really, really hard.
We need love and encouragement, as we are for who we are. Unconditionally. It’s what you deserve. Really. And we hope this episode helps you get that.
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Paul has been pulled from context, and misused to shame, reject, condemn and bring great harm to those in the LGBTQ+ community, and people who support them.
In this episode we discuss whether Paul is about legalism, law and bondage? Or is he about love, life and freedom? Or does it all depend?
We will take a closer look at the perils of Paul, and the particularly puzzling place of Paul as paramount… instead of Jesus. Peculiar! Perplexing! :-)
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Being the Dad of an LGBTQ Child!
This is a very special episode for Dads of LGBTQ kids - or about your Dad, or about the Dad of someone you love.
Today, I talk about the core issues unique to being the Father of an LGBTQ child.
I’ll give some tools you can use to understand your kids, deepen your relationships, strengthen your faith, and deal with non-affirming friends, family and those at church.
Dads, it’s just me and you today. Bring your fears, bring your hearts, and let’s talk.
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What About Anti-Gay Religious Leaders?
The Pope, evangelicals, denominations... What about anti-gay religious leaders?
With such deeply-held beliefs and traditions, how do we respond? How do we free our hearts from the impact of these religious leaders, who come from flawed oppressive systems, speaking to us about moral issues?
How can we change the influence they have in our lives?
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The Deconstruction Journey: What About Sin?
Have you been told you are in sin? Called a sinner?
When you question this – you are often immediately labeled a heretic or an apostate or maybe someone who was never really a Christian to begin with.
All of that attack and defensiveness instead of just having an open conversation.
But when you question these – when you open your box, all heaven breaks loose and you start to deconstruct your faith and reconstruct a spirituality that is deeper and richer and more satisfying.
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Love That Feels Like Love!
What does it mean to love? We’re told to love, and many people will treat others horribly and claim they are loving.
Many of you have been on the receiving end of terrible treatment and then been told that they are loving you. You know what? That just does not work and today we are going to talk about how to recognize it and what to do.
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“Dealing with Dysfunctional Family Rejection”
If you are part of the LGBTQ community - or an affirming parent - and you are experiencing rejection from family, we are so sorry.
It has nothing to do with you.
It reveals everything about them and nothing whatsoever about you. And you certainly don’t deserve it.
In this episode, we talk about how you can respond to non-affirming, dysfunctional family. Important counsel on how to protect yourself and your heart.
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Continuing our conversation about broken family relationships, today we talk about what it is costing our LGBTQ kids.
What is the cost when parents have broken with them?
What does it cost your child when you withhold love or limit the relationship, simply because you are not okay, for whatever reason, with them being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
Mom, Dad… they are paying a price much greater than we can ever imagine. Today, we talk about all of this and what we, as parents, can do.
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This is a very special episode for parents wanting to improve your relationship with your LGBTQ child. If you are not a parent, this would be a great episode to send TO your parents. :-)
Mom & Dad, maybe you are struggling to understand your child. They may have told you they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or other words that may not make sense to you.
Your faith community is telling you to reject them, to not accept them as they are. And you know, in your heart, that something is just not right with that.
Today, we talk about broken family relationships, what the cost is to us as parents, and what we can do next.
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We are very fortunate to have a unique relationship, and we think we have a lot to offer about on how to have a great relationship.
But, we had to work to get here. We went through some hardships that threatened everything, but we were always committed to wholeness. We always sought love and healing, even when it was hard.
Many of you have great relationships too. Many of you don’t. Today we want to share some of our keys and hope that is has something to offer to you, wherever you are.
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Okay, let’s talk about sex!
Did you know that term “unnatural sex” that we read about in the Bible is any sex that's not procreative?!
One theme emerged that shifted our view of the nonaffirming church and drove our deconstruction. That theme is the motivation to protect the institution even as it diminishes and even destroys the people within.
So today, we’ll look at patriarchy and misogyny, and how harmful and endemic they are.
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Abuse is basically someone in power using, misusing those without power. Whether it’s emotional, spiritual, physical, or sexual. It’s someone with more power abusing someone with less power.
Is your church spiritually abusive? Today, we give you ways to know for sure.
To discover this can be troubling, depressing. But it is so beautifully freeing.
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What Does it Really Mean to Deconstruct My Faith?
When you leave your previous understanding of your faith, it may feel as if you lost your entire identity because of how tightly you held those beliefs.
In this episode, we talk about what it really means to deconstruct your faith.
What affirms our deconstruction is realizing that God is in all the places we were told not to go.
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Do you wish you could get away from that internalized voice of disapproval and shame?
This is one of the hardest issues to face for LGBTQ+ people on their path to acceptance, and for families and loved ones — especially those with a faith background.
Today, we talk about the enemy within: internalized queerphobia.
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What a time it is! I’ve had to pull myself back from living in a constant state of fight or flight. How about you?
Fight or flight is meant to be a temporary state, a brilliant way to protect us from that proverbial tiger. But that should be a very small portion of our lives.
If we find ourselves stuck in fight or flight - what’s the alternative? What is the ideal state look like?
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This episode is for parents of LGBTQ children; or LGBTQ people with parents; or those allies and friends who know parents. In other words, this is for you!
In our work with tens of thousands of parents of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer children, there are 5 questions that almost always come up. Things they are concerned about; things they wonder and worry about.
In this episode, we answer those questions! We help set hearts free to fully affirm and accept; to love and be loved.
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It’s common in today’s non-affirming church teaching to talk about the Bible as “the inerrant, unchanged word of God,” meaning, if you even question what you’ve been taught about the Bible or what it says, you are labeled a heretic!
But, as we have discovered on our own deconstruction journey, there are a lot of problems with that!
In this episode, we talk about what to do with the Bible in the midst of a deconstructing faith.
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I went to seminary as an evangelical. I had no idea it was going to hold so many surprises. Here are the top 7 shockers that change the entire game of Christianity.
Knowing these will help us continue to unravel the hurtful, destructive teachings that, in truth, really have nothing to do with Jesus, God or the Bible.
It was the beginning of the deconstruction of my faith, and the beginning of a much deeper, more beautiful, more satisfying faith and spirituality.
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The teaching of contempt, the teach of “us vs them,” has seeped into our culture and thinking.
There’s no magic answer to fix it, and it has taken root in our lives, in society. So, what can we do?
In this powerful episode, we discover how to recognize and deal with contempt in our lives - that we are receiving and that we are giving. This episode is about beginning to truly see ourselves and each other.
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If you could write a love letter to your past self - to little Susie Q or little Bobby - what would you say? And if you could write a love letter to your future self - in 10, 20, 30 years - what would you say?
In this episode, we talk about the thread of love running through your life, what may be hindering that, and how we can free our hearts to love and be loved - as we deserve.
The most important love you will give or receive is the love you give to, and receive from yourself.
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How often do you find yourself responding to the same old questions and hurtful comments from non-affirming people?
In this episode, we discuss why you should never waste your time, never waste your heart debating with, or explaining yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. It can be toxic!
You don't deserve it, and we'll talk about how we can respond instead.
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By the time Susan turned 24, both her parents and three brothers had died! She had been relentlessly bullied; and was married and divorced.
This personal, intimate episode is for those of us who have experienced pain and heart-breaking loss, and how to turn that into heart-freeing love.
Susan opens up and shares her heart and her incredible story in this special episode.
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So much pain has been inflicted in the name of God. We have been deeply hurt, we get triggered and we want nothing to do with Jesus. But what has been used to hurt us has been absolute lies and is not really about God or Jesus!
One of the worst things that ever happened to Jesus was the religion of Christianity, and non-affirming Christianity has largely gotten him wrong. Jesus is still one of the best-kept secrets because his truth has been grossly distorted by people who claim to speak for him.
There is a religion-free Jesus who belongs to all of us. This episode will help set our hearts free.
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In this beautiful, intimate episode, Susan talks openly about her decision to have her breasts and ovaries removed as part of her battle with cancer, and how it impacted her femininity.
"I learned the power of loving my body. I learned how much I took my body for granted and how much more I wanted to love it. We have tied our femininity so much to our body -- our shape, our size, our sexiness -- a lot about how others see us. And it's so much more than that. It's about confidence, which really is self-love." - Susan
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In a beautiful, very special holiday episode, we share three stories - one from Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple; one from Sandra Cisneros; and a unique retelling of the Biblical story for us outliers, the rest of us.
I hope these unwrap the way we see and celebrate this Christmas holiday season.
It is about reconstructing Christmas in the midst of a deconstructing faith.
Celebrating for the rest of us.
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Why do parents struggle with loving their LGBTQ children? The false teachings and faulty arguments that lead parents to reject their LGBTQ children.
Why do LGBTQ struggle with internalized homophobia, with loving themselves? The false teachings and faulty arguments that lead LGBTQ people to reject themselves.
Important information; and a tender, powerful message on how to respond to those who use these false teachings to hurt us.
An episode to help set your heart free!
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Our first visit to the FreedHearts Podcast Inbox!
In this special episode we answer questions we have received from our listeners. I am pretty sure you have heard them, or even asked them yourself!
Questions about supporting an LGBTQ person who is in the middle of a very non-affirming environment; talking to anti-gay pastors and church leaders; the difference between a welcoming and a truly affirming church; microaggressions; when is it time to leave a church; dealing with internalized homophobia; and more.
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“My child is walking away from God!”
“I know I don’t believe what I used to but I don’t know what I believe now!”
“How can I believe in God at all anymore?”
What happens when your faith starts to change?
Deconstructing our faith is letting go of any part of whatever you believe that does NOT tell you that you are absolutely, unconditionally acceptance, included, loved and beloved.
It can be scary and feel overwhelming. But it is one of the most beautiful things you will ever do.
What remains is real and pure and celebrates who you are, without condition.
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Have you been uninvited to a holiday or family gathering?
Is that kind of event the last place you would want to be because of things that are said or just because of how you are made to feel?
Let’s talk about how to navigate difficult family situations, and also about options for when you can’t, or don’t want to go home for the holidays.
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How do we deal with infuriating family fanatics?
When we are afraid, angry, and even hurt, how do we love people we don’t even like that much?
What does that mean, and what does it not mean?
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What a time it has been! We have been through a lot, almost like going through a war together. Many of us are exhausted!
And for a lot of you, all of this is in addition to the daily rejection and hurt we receive from family and friends - just because you are LGBTQ.
Now is the perfect time for self care.
Now is the perfect time for a love letter… to ourselves.
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Even the most optimistic people, this year is doing a number on us. It seems as if every day something else is happening – wildfires, floods, protests, politics, racial tension, and deaths and suffering on so many levels from COVID.
Our emotional and mental health is fragile. We just can’t seem to get our footing. And it just keeps piling up.
We are stressed, afraid, angry. The present is overwhelming and unbelievably painful and difficult for so so many. The future is uncertain.
In this episode, we talk about how fear is impacting us, and especially about something we can do that is powerful and profoundly simple.
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There has been so much hurt justified “in the name of love.” We all think we’re loving, so why do so many people feel unloved?
What is love, really? The answer may surprise you. We will give you the definition of love in 14 beautiful, powerful words.
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In this episode, we talk about one of the two deadliest teachings in all of humanity.
It is at the heart of our division.
It is responsible for some of history’s most brutal treatment of ethnic groups, religious groups, women, LGBTQ; and it is rampant today.
What is it and what can we do?
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We have gone from being leaders in the evangelical church to fully affirming parents of two LGBTQ children, as well as fierce advocates and allies.
Our faith evolved without asking our permission.
What can you expect on a journey that asks you to deconstruct your faith? How does that impact our core beliefs and our community?
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Our first daughter came out more than 10 years ago. We started FreedHearts in 2013 and have reached millions of parents and LGBTQ. After all this time, why a podcast and why now?
Who are we, why we are doing a podcast, and who is this podcast for?
Our focus is to change the human conversation on love and inclusion - so what does that mean?
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