Liberation: Recent Episodes
Sashleigha Hightower
The journey to personal freedom within self and our most important relationships.
We all have cages, blocks, past pain, fear, things that hold us back from feeling free, at peace, whole. I figured out how to find my own keys to break free. Now I help others find their own liberation too. Here we talk about powerful topics on an individual level and in relationships.
People believe in good thoughts, thoughts to create, build & grow. There are also thoughts that come that destroy, deplete, and shrink us. The voices of Suicide don't discriminate. This episode will talk about my experience with suicide throughout my life and also how I was able to talk to my then 8 year old step-daughter to find out she was struggling with suicidal thoughts too. When we do our own work of healing, not only can we better see ourselves but we can then better see those littles or not so littles in our lives too.
An episode dedicated to my fellow moms. The moms who dont enjoy motherhood at times and would never say it. The moms who want to take time for themselves but feel so much guilt and shame that they just don't know how to ask for what they need. The credentials for being a "good mom" doesn't have to match what everyone else says or how other moms do it. Your needs matter too.
Adam and I came into a relationship knowing that we would still be healing layers from our previous experiences that may get triggered in a relationship dynamic. We each knew we could heal individually while also healing being in a relationship we just didnt quite know the formula yet. How do we hold space for our companion while they are healing? We had to go from back and forth NOT getting it and battling it out ....fast forward to now to where we have this freedom, this gift of agency and ability to tell each other all of it recognizing what is ours and what is not. We are able to love and hold space while the other may be triggered which allows us to just settle into this space of healing and forward momentum. This has been the key...holding space for growth not demanding perfection. Once we figured out how to do that it all changed.
I used this coping mechanism for quite some time.
The art and destruction of PEOPLE PLEASING.
Why do some seemingly know how to move on and others.....stay stuck? I've been in both situations. Lets talk about it.
"This is our second marriage, how do we manage the triggers?" " But I was told we have to heal on our own?" " The past is messing with us can we heal together?" Past trauma can really throw some fun curveballs into present relationships huh? This is how we have figured out how to work with it to heal together. It takes three parts of the relationship. You. Me. Us.
When your "demons" or "thorns in your side" come to play. We all have our days where something just triggers us or gets us down. Maybe we have an addiction to something. Maybe we cant get out of our heads. Maybe we are angry for no reason.
How do you get through it when they come knocking and mess with your peace? I am no expert but I can tell you ive said more than I like to admit "I thought I already worked through this" or "why does this keep showing up?". I dont have some secret serum but I can share with you a couple things that simply helped me in my perspective and how my "demons" have become less burdensome. I will be doing another podcast about this soon as Adam has some amazing insight on this as well. We are all fighting internal struggles. Its ok to just be plain tired of them all. Lets just be human together for a few moments.
We are diving into relationships after heartbreak. We've all heard it, "he/she's got baggage". Its become a negative stigma that is worth re-evaluating. We dive into this along with another type of baggage we carry and throw at other people. Whether you're dating or married check this episode out where we also throw around tips to staying on the same team.
Is a red flag really a red flag? Or have we gone “red flag” happy? What narratives are we buying? What are insecurities? Why are they considered a weakness or reason to dismiss someone? Learn how to go beyond insecurities, to see the heart, to be vulnerable. Adam and I dive into how we transformed our insecurities into something that brought us closer together instead of farther apart. We talk about what it took for us to understand ourselves after our break up to be able to come home to ourselves and to eachother.
If you havent already listened to one of my first podcasts: divorce from a 13 year old's perspective scroll back and give it a listen. Today my 11 year old wanted to get on and share a few things about how he has worked through divorce. He has tourette syndrome. He speaks a bit about how he has handled that and also what he has seen and done to help himself through hard feelings. Kids see and feel way more than what you think they do. I remember knowing far too much as a young child with my own parents divorcing twice as well. I let Hunter be as open as he wanted to be. He gives thoughts on what parents can do for kids and what kids can do too going through parents divorce.
Matt is a father, entrepreneur, life coach, (friend from grade school), and has learned his fair share from his own experiences in life including that of divorce. He had one day realized he wasnt in the right place, dissolved the marriage, the business and recreated his life. We talk about what creating safe space is within your relationships so you can create a deep and connected relationship. We talk about taking ownership of your life, about taking care of yourself so you can give to others, we talk about showing up authentically. Do you really have to wait a long time before dating? This is an awesome episode you wont want to miss as Matt gives incredible insight from his mind and heart!
Sometimes we forget that it takes some homework and a set up to have the hard talks with the people we love. This time I talk about and share some different perspectives on what we can do to get ready to have those hard talks with our significant other whether we have been together one day or 15 years. I also go into a few ways you can begin to have the discussion about intimacy and BEGIN to have those hard convos. Things like “There is just no more passion anymore”, “ Im not attracted to you anymore”, “I just feel its an obligation”. We cant get to those points until we take a few steps before that. Its a muscle. Everyone is a beginner at one point in trying something new. Takes practice.
Alright Its time I focus on what I really want to focus on... Self love and truth being the keys to transformation annndddd PREVENTING Divorce, Breakdowns and Break-ups in Relationships. Not that many people want to let others know whats reallly happening behind closed doors. I was one of them. I have a keen eye for identifying the breakdowns and now have some amazing tools for helping to rebuild and CREATE something new. We can't change our partners but we can change ourselves, step into our truth, use our voice and act now before its too late if we really want to. Listen to this quick explanation of what we are going to tackle through this next series of episodes. Follow me on instagram for daily tips! Just look up illfightifyoufight.
I was able to interivew my friend and Coach Amy all about manifesting particularly for women. She went from being completely brokeas a single mom to self-made millionaire and living the life she wanted for herself, her children, and having the relationship she wanted of her dreams too. She dives into how she manifested it all, the mindset and practices around it and basically a big HOORAH for being the powerful women we all are. She truly has such a passion for helping women realize how powerful they are and needed in this world! You can find more of her info at www.luckysanders.com
The tables got turned. I was interviewed by my sweet friend Amy for her podcast. Living in a religion at the time that looks down on DIVORCE heavily....having come from a dysfunctional family and suffered trauma...going through two divorces...stepparenting...the "Show" I was putting out there....she asked me the hard questions..."Do you think trauma affected your first and second marriages? How?"...."Why did your second marriage not work?"...."I never wouldve known you were going through all this...why didnt you talk about it?"....changes in relationship to God and church after with the judgments too, people pleasing, talking myself out of things, self betrayal. Its a lot. And Im glad she asked the hard questions. How I found freedom. How I can easily talk about all this. How I can be moving on and open. you wont find me throwing other peoples missteps around...I focus on the lessons and what I HAD control over with myself now. But it takes a lot of work to get there.
Just a quick message to all my single divorced Friends on Christmas. You've got this. You are doing much better than you think you are.
6 tips to help you help a loved one going through a divorce. Remember there are 3 sides to every story. His, Hers and the truth through no filters, emotions, or judgments. Being able to really show up for someone you love struggling starts with making it safe for you both.
1: Decide What role you are going to play.
2: Resist Urge to ask for details
3: Allow Them To feel
4: Continue to Invite to Activities
5: Acts of Service. Dont Ask. Do.
6: Remember to honor your own agency in this situation.
I had the privilege of sitting with a homeless man named LEON and buying him breakfast. We talked about his life story. We cried together. We spoke about God. We spoke about pain. We spoke about injustice, addictions, and loss. We spoke heart to heart. The judgment was gone and there was no pretense. Leon was a beautiful reminder to me of what unity feels like even with major differences. He was a beautiful reminder that we all have way more in common than we think. I want to be more like Leon.
We have all been there.... AFraid to tell the people we love most about something. It can be something small like wanting to always jump out of an airplane...a dream... or something big that could break you both. The level of connection we experience with someone else is highly dependent on how deep you're willing to be authentic with yourself and them...how willing you are to tell the 100 percent truth in all things. Sometimes we simply don't know how to approach the people we love with the truth. Listen in and see if any of these tips are helpful.
I date myself. Always have. When was the last time you really took time to get to know yourself again? How about to Get to know your person again? We spend so much time on so many other things and yet I feel the root to success of all else is how well you know yourself...and how willing you are to CREATE the time to improve your relationships around you....you may think you are but are you really intentionally creating what you want in your relationship ? Or are you letting time, moments, opportunities, pain, life take you away from what you really desire?
Why is it that hurtful phrases said to us can sometimes last so long? Those pieces that lurk in our hearts or corners of our mind? Sometimes what people say is true and we just cant come to terms with it…but other times its not and we place our worth and value as less than because of it…so how do we start to do the work to not let what they say affect our present? Sometimes we have to go back to that moment…to bring it to light..to validate, love and help it…then forgive…let it go…so our present is more fully practiced as our most magnificent and highest selves. Listen in on some tips that have helped me to do this.
Chelsie is a driven, fun, extremely talented dancer, friend and woman. She has seen so many highs and also so many lows. She goes into detail what it was like to have achieved so much and yet still struggle with feelings of self doubt and not feeling her worth. I love her honesty and willingness to share her insight and experiences and her drive to help others feel better especially in the dance world through her teaching.