Aging Like a Guru - Who Me?: Recent Episodes
Dr. Rosie Kuhn
Aging Like a Guru - Who Me? is a fun and inspiring show about the process we're all stuck dealing with-AGING! Dr. Rosie Kuhn shares a perspective that will empower you to age gracefully + mindfully, and with a smile on your face. You will find yourself laughing, and relieved, as you find pieces of yourself revealed in every episode. Come laugh along with us!
The Big 10 Take Aways One hundred podcasts on Aging Like a Guru! There must be a lot of great and wise tidbits of information in this series, eh?! I know I've grown a lot in creating these podcasts.
Listen in to hear the big 10 take aways of Aging Like a Guru - Who Me?
. . . and then share your perspective on my Facebook page!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I Don’t Like Being Told What to Do As we age we don’t want to give up our freedom and independence, which often means that we make choices that perhaps are not in our best interest.
Here's an example:
I haven’t been doing my daily energy routine, and even after only two days I can feel the effects. Damn it!!! I hate doing things I don’t want to do! I’ve been like this my whole life! This is probably a foundational element, not only to the way I live my life but the way I coach my clients - to fully empower themselves to empower themselves to act in alignment with their highest truth and their highest good. The challenge is figuring out what that highest good and highest truth is!
The simplicity of carving out 30 minutes for my exercise routine is easy. I’m not so busy that there isn’t the time. What there is is huge amount of resistance to doing what someone tells me is good for me. I hate that!!! I know what’s good for me!!!!!!! RAWR!
So, if I know that this exercise routine is good for me, then why do I resist doing it? For that matter, for the longest time, I resisted giving up alcohol, wheat, and sugar, even though they all create inflammation, pain, and dizziness when I drink or eat them. That’s insanity. Yet it’s how I’ve been functioning for a very long time, until I got clear that I’d rather be without pain and stop harming myself and my body. That’s smart! Jeesh!
Aging like a guru, for me, requires that I give up my attachments to doing things my way, especially when my way clearly doesn’t work. Yet I continually discover ways that I still want to do things my way!
The dilemma is this: On the one hand, knowing that my exercise routine is doing good for me - as proven by the fact that not doing it brings instant impact, I can choose to make this something I want to do. On the other hand, I don’t want to give up the belief that I know what’s right for me, even if it’s not!
I see a lot of people who are aging - like all of us, who resist doing what they know they need to do in order to ensure that the quality of life continues for a long time. They, like me, don’t want to give up the personal power to say and do what they want, even when it creates harm for them and perhaps for others.
Working on my own dilemmas, discovering the logic and reason that holds the resistance in place is my practice. It’s also what I do as a thinking partner for others - helping them distinguish what thoughts, beliefs, and judgments glue them to their attachments to having it their way, yet keeping them from having what they truly say they want, such as quality of life and enjoying a pain free exisitence.
Yes, But I’m Angry!
There’s also an aspect within me that is angry. She wants to do, or not do, in this case, because she’s angry about something. Generally I find for myself, and my clients, that when they are angry about something, it usually has to do with having to let go of their attachments to being in control, being right, or being powerful! If the source of the anger is not uncovered, the anger stays in place, and so does the resistance.
What I know is that I can, and have done many time, do whatever I want to do - like my exercise routine and still feel empowered, right and in control. What makes the difference is how I’m perceiving myself and the source of control. I have to train myself to let go of the judgment and my attachment to that judgment that has me resist what is good for me. Obviously this isn’t easy. It means digging in to uncover the source of that anger and perhaps the fear of giving up that anger. It’s a fascinating puzzle each of us are living with.
My highest priority is to experience the fulfillment of my human-spirit. I want that more than I want to angrily resist giving up what I don't want to give up. So, it's up to me to choose what I'm going to choose - a positive quality of life or something else!
It is a simple process of asking what I want more, then letting go of the other. But, more importantly, to uncover what makes me resist letting go of letting go.
Aging like a guru requires the surrendering of what we are afraid to let go of. I'm up for the challenge. How about you?
Listen in and then share your perspective on my Facebook page!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Simplicity of Living Comes with Practice I love the sparkles of snowflakes falling. I love the wonder of the stars in the sky. I love watching the sunset and the sunrise, if it's not too early.
These have always been aspects of life on Earth with which I've found bliss.
There are also many aspects of life that with age have become not so fun, not so interesting, and I just can't be bothered by any more.
This intention of this podcast is to all the question, Who Am I, to inform me of what's of value in my life. How do I know what I like? How do I know what's important to me? How do I know who I am?
Tune in and answer for yourself!
As always, I invite you to share your perspective on my Facebook page!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Crisis of Meaning, Crisis of Faith Though I've experienced a lot of major accomplishments in my life, I live as if I've not really accomplished anything important or of merit. Though I've finished my PhD, sailed across the Atlantic Ocean, written 13 books, and done lots of other stuff, and, though I've loved a lot and made some really hard choices in the name of love, my inner world, as I experience it, says that I've not amounted to anything. It may sound incredulous, but I feel as if I've not yet accomplished that one thing that will make me say "YES! I DID IT!!"
In the most recent podcasts, I've been encouraging you to be curious enough to ask some really hard questions - essentially - how did you come to be the you that you are in this moment? So, of course, I've been asking myself the same questions and, more importantly, I've been answering them!
Sometimes, developing the skill of sleuthing is invaluable in uncovering answers to such questions. Like Sherlock Holmes, one can cultivate the uncanny ability to see value in what seems to be unimportant. In doing so, I've come to solve many mysteries in my life, just by staying in the sleuth mode. It's fun. That is why I love being a Life Coach. I love empowering people to sleuth for themselves so they discover the hidden truths that keep them from having the extraordinary life they dream of.
Most of us will experience a crisis of meaning or a crisis of faith at least once in our lives. We know them as a mid-life crisis generally, though they can occur at any time in life. It takes presence of mind, body, heart and spirit to sleuth one's way forward through such a crisis. From my perspective and experience it's imperative for each of us to do that, if we wish to age like a guru. Even if we wish do die in peace it requires some sense of knowing ourselves and what brings joy and meaning to us.
Listen in and then share your perspective on my Facebook page!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Why Stick Around? Human life is so complex. The truth is that we exist in so many dimensions. We have past lives, parallel lives, emotional lives and spiritual lives. So who the hell are we, and why do we do this thing called Life on Earth?
Each of us have our own answers to those questions. Each of us have our own curriculum. No two of us are on the same trajectory. We are alone on our personal quest, along with eight billion others. That's funny, though mostly, it doesn't feel funny at all. It feels scary, insane, and, a lot of times we want the world to stop so we can get off this roller coaster ride!
This podcast explores what has us stay, even when we are unhappy, unfulfilled and unappreciated in our lives, relationships and work environments.
Listen in and then share your perspective on my Facebook page!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What Have I Got to Show for My Life? I have no doubt that each of us face the existential question of: What Have I Got to Show for My Life? It's a big question that goes along with: Have I fulfilled my heart's desires? Have I made a difference in the world? Was I loved? Did I love enough?
Taking inventory of one's accomplishments, one's failures, one's apathy, one's hurtful attitudes, can bring any one of us to a place of valuing the exquisite life adventure we've brought about by our own choices. We see how we really couldn't have done it any differently. We can surrender judgments, reprisals, humiliation, and self-punishment, if we choose to. And in so doing we can live in peace and gratitude for the way that it is. Yeah, who wants to do that?!
The intention of Aging Like a Guru - Who Me? is to provide opportunities to be curious about who you are and how you came to be you. I, myself, am fascinated with that question. Obviously, my work as a transformational coach allows me to empower people to empower themselves to be curious enough to explore the inner world - where no man or woman has ever gone before - into your essential self!
We can die in despair with the perception that our lives amounted to nothing, or we can die in self-honor, that we courageously met each day no matter what. Each of us faces our endings in our own unique way. How do you want to face your ending?
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Be True to You!! I’ve been asking myself some really hard questions lately:
What is the ultimate motive underlying everything I do? What is the purest intention of my life? What is my heart’s desire? How did I come to choose to see myself and the world around me the way I do?
These are questions we all ask ourselves in some way or another. And, these are questions few of us actually answer for ourselves. It takes time and presence of mind, body & spirit to discern the deepest truth that lies within.
Aging like a guru requires that we take the time to discern the answers to these questions. For me, discernment means to extract or distill the essence of truth that lies within oneself regarding the question on the table.
Most of us will say that we don't have time for such stuff. However, as we get older and are less engaged in external activities of the world, there is a space for being with oneself like never before. Aging often gives us opportunities to visit with ourselves and get to know who we are and how we came to be us, now. Most of us won't take the time to get to know who we are, and that's okay. I'm just saying we have the opportunity to honor the lives we've lived by asking, "how have you come to be you today?"
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Doing is the Undoing of Me As I get ever closer to creating 100 podcasts, I wonder if I'm done with these podcasts on Aging Like a Guru. Is it time to stop? Do I want to stop? Should I stop? Should I continue?
There are a lot of emotions that arise as I face this arrival at 100 podcasts. And, additionally, I see myself distracting myself with doing something that takes me out of the discomfort that currently is the state of being for me.
As I witness myself distract myself with any number of things, I realize that I've lost the thread of the process that currently needs my attention.
It's not that I have to have an answer right away to whether I continue with these podcasts or not. It's only a matter that there is a part of me that requires a listening from me, a presence of me, a quality of embrace that allows for a truth to be expressed that will not be expressed if I distract myself from me.
So what’s the nugget here? Be curious about what shows up when you show up to yourself. Be curious about what you might be open to experiencing just by not getting busy.
Listen in!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
The Essentials of Humor in the Aging Process The process of aging brings with it so many opportunities to experience embarrassing and humiliating events. There's no way around it. So we might as well learn to laugh at ourselves.
Listen in for some laughs!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Where are the Elders Among the Elderly? We generally expect that as people age they would cultivate character, wisdom, maturity, right But, the fact of the matter is, most of us don't. Most of us are as we were in our adolescence. Shocking?
We may cultivate more ways to avoid, ignore, distract and deny life as it is, so that we don't have to really grow and stretch ourselves, which means that we can’t truly be elders for the younger generations.
It's not that we don't want to be elders. We just haven't had a culture, at least in the US, that grows us up into our elder potential. It's sad but true.
Listen in to hear my thoughts on growing into elder-hood.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Not Everyone Wants to Be Responsible for Their Lives Without taking responsibility for your own wants, needs, feelings and thoughts, you, me, and us, end up being told what to do, what to have, what to think, to feel and to want.
Life will not show up the way you want, or the way I want, unless we take responsibility for the level of self-awareness we are currently at. We have to willingly step into the practice of observing, witnessing, experimenting, and experiencing life as it is, not life as its “supposed to be.”
Join me if you dare to challenge your thoughts about how your life “should” be!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
How Empowered am I to Choose to Choose How I Age? If I want to age my way, what do I need to be aware of, conscious of, mindful of, to make that happen?
Tune in to find out!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Cultivating Self-Awareness, Who Me? Self-awareness, according to research, only 10-15% of the population have it. What?!
The other day a question came to me: When did I become aware that I exist within this body, this personality, this life?
I haven’t come up with the specific age, though I can see clues along the way.
Listen in to this podcast and answer the question for yourself!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What to Do When Someone Dies This podcasts is a great summary of what we need to consider before we die, and perhaps before our beloved parents, partners, or children die.
No one wants to think about this topic, however when death arrives, someone will have to make choices - tough choices, sometimes hugely expensive choices. To consider and choose now can bring about more peace when the inevitable death does arrive.
Through this exploration I realized that there are many choices available to all of us that we may not be aware of. Like, for instance, did you know that you can actually keep a loved one home for a home funeral for a number of days before they go to their final resting spot or crematorium? There are Home Funeral Guides, and quite a few books on the subject. I found this really fascinating.
I also loved that you don't need to buy expensive caskets. Cardboard caskets, willow caskets, or shrouds all work. So, checking out options now and making a plan, even though you may not pass for decades, at least has something in place for those who have to be responsible for what comes next.
I personally want to avoid this whole topic. However, as I told my daughter, I believe I'd be irresponsible if I didn't have a plan laid out to make everything as simple and effortless as possible. I'm glad that she appreciates my perspective. She didn't think I was weird or over-dramatizing the whole death thing. She was good with it. We even looked on Amazon for caskets together! How much closer can a mother & daughter get? We had a good laugh!!!
Listen in for what I discovered in my research.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Deconstruction of the Life after Death Living in a small community, on an Island no less, we're constantly aware of the passing of people. And with the passing of my friend Virginia and others, I’m aware of what it takes to deconstruct the lives of others. For children, for family members and friends, the task is inevitable - what to do with stuff!
It’s like someone threw a party and then left without cleaning up! I’m not one to enjoy cleaning up other people’s messes. I believe that’s part of why I coach people to be accountable and responsible for their own lives. So that they take care of their own messes, take responsibility for how they live and how they die.
And, guess what? There aren't many people who willingly take responsibility for their lives and for their deaths.
Honoring those that have to clean up after we are gone is a big deal. We don’t want to admit that we are going to die. We don’t want to do any prior preparations. We don’t think of those who have to clear the clutter. After my Aunt Genevieve died, as the executor of her Will, my dad spent months going through her disorganized papers, sorting and ensuring that all her affairs were complete. Tons of old files that seemed irrelevant but could potentially be important, meant that he take the time it took to do away with every piece of paper he came across. I believe when he died he made it easier for my brother Michael to complete the final tasks of putting this person’s life in order, close the file, and call it a day.
The gravitational pull that brings to each of us the stuff of our lives, material, financial, health, relationships, dissipates when an individual dies. All of their belongs disappear, either to the trash heap, to other people, to the Good Will, to who knows where. And this is a powerful part of the deconstruction of an individual's life.
My friend Harold and Maud are moving into a two bedroom rental and leaving their beautiful home after 45 years. They began clearing out their clutter a few months ago, had a huge garage sale, and still have a huge amount of stuff that they aren't yet ready to part with. They too are in the process of deconstructing their lives. And there are those of us who are witnesses and supporters of them as they go through and complete this horrendous task. They are in shock, because this is a traumatic experience. They will need to be comforted and nurtured while they settle into their new home.
This is one of those topics that touches me deeply. Conscious of leaving behind remnants of ourselves that others will have to sort through, throw out, pass on, or keep is a gift we can give those we leave behind. And the truth is, most of us won't because we don't want to think about all that stuff.
So part of the practice of aging like a guru is to mindfully be present to the way we live and die. In essence, every day we are dying. And I can say, that out of fear we are grasping with white knuckles to life, but my experience is that most of us aren't living our lives - we are just coping, managing and strategizing how to make the best of what we got. Change means the risk of experience loss, which we will because we do experience loss. There's no way around that!
The intention of these Podcasts is to perhaps prod some curiosity into you and into myself, on how to live life more fully - experiencing the fulfillment of our human spirit. That means consciously taking responsibility for our own lives, as we live AND as we die.
No matter what, there is that deconstruction process that occurs for each of us. The more conscious we are of this process, I believe, the greater degree of honor and sanctity we bring to our lives and the lives of others.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
People's Death Affects Us More than We are Imagine We are affected by people’s departure more than we know. We are often surprised, even though we know that everybody dies. And often we experience regrets and guilt for not engaging with the deceased more while they were alive.
Anytime I hear about someone’s passing I’m moved to experience the reality that every one of us dies. Compassion, reverence, and significance of each person’s presence on this planet brings a moment of awareness if you will. It brings emotions and thoughts, grief, regrets, sometimes anger, and feelings of powerlessness. Even though I hadn’t really been connected with Virginia for the past four years, I still experienced regret that I hadn’t connected with her. In a previous podcast I mentioned others who experienced guilt for not connecting and participating more in the other person’s life.
It's a fascinating process - living with dying. Living with other's dying and our own dying. Each of us do it our own way, with most of us living in denial, distraction, ignorance and avoidance of the whole issue until none of that works any more.
When I got the call that my friend Virginia had died, and that I was on her list of alternatives to the person put in charge of her affairs, I didn't know how to respond. If told that I'd have to act on her behalf, making funeral arrangements and the like, I wouldn't know where to start. I thought of all the people who face the death of their loved ones and have to immediately put their grief on hold and get everything in place, from calling people, getting the body moved, cremation or burial arrangements - way too much for someone who is in grief. Hell! Like I said, I wouldn't have known where to start with Virginia if I had to step in, and I had very little emotional involvement with her at the end.
This put me on the path of researching, "What to do when people die." And I found information that fascinated me, like, did you know you can have home funerals and totally bypass funeral homes?
So people's deaths affect us in all sorts of ways. Aging like a guru allows us to think about death as part of life. And perhaps dying like a guru is part of this path (Yes, this is to be my next book!). Engaging in life fully, bypassing the fear and angst that interferes with living with every aspect of life - including death, is what we are here to do, only if we wish to. We all do life and death differently. There is no right way!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Get Organized Before You Die - Who Me? My friend Virginia passed about a week ago. She was a great contribution to people’s lives in so many ways. She’d been a psychologist and advocator for people’s well-being on so many levels. She certainly was a gift of joy, love and generosity of spirit until the very end.
For the past number of years, after the passing of her partner, Virginia lived alone. One of the cool things about Virginia was that she realized that in the end she’d need to count on her friends to settle her affairs after her passing. I think it was about 5 years ago that Virginia called together a group of friends and requested our support when she passed. She asked each of us if we would step in to handle arrangements that she meticulously laid out. We each got a key to her house, and all the documents necessary to act as power of attorney if necessary. And her documents were also carefully placed on her refrigerator, so that if found dead the EMTs would know exactly what to do.
A few weeks ago, Virginia was experiencing some flu-like symptoms, and her heart was giving her problems, but nothing much was made of it. Virginia went quietly in her sleep, as ready as anyone could be for her exit.
Now, That’s the Way to Go!
I got an email this morning from Power of Attorney #1. She wanted to let us all know that she had been to Virginia's, cleaned out the fridge, swept up, and put out the trash. That was pretty much it. No huge mess to clean up. No cluttered spaces, no drudgery - wondering what to do with masses of miscellaneous boxes of junk. Nope! Virginia took care of the people she loved by taking care of her own trash, getting rid of the unnecessaries, so that those who would be deconstructing her life on Earth wouldn’t be burdened.
Virginia’s practice of making sure everything was in order for when she died has impacted me deeply. Her precious papers and key to her house was with my own paperwork, Will and Trust. I continually let go of stuff I don’t want others to have to deal with. If I’m keeping something because I feel bad throwing it away, I ask myself, “Am I willingly burdening someone else with the task of throwing this away just because I don’t want to burden myself with the task?” If the answer is yes, I throw it away. If the answer is no, and I still may find joy in having it around, then I keep it.
I'm passing on the wisdom of Virginia to friends who are also alone and haven't got their affairs in order. And this week I'll be going to the Fire Station and picking up my LIFE Form Documents, and most importantly I'll be filling them out and putting them in the Freezer - apparently that is a handing and convenient place for EMT's and other First Responders to find important papers. That's good to know, right?
Each of us have dozens of reasons to put this project off. I know for myself that if I don't take care of this, there will be confusion and frustration left for the people I love. That's not the way I want to be remembered. And, I was joking with my daughter the other day that if I take care of all the arrangements before hand, she doesn't have to attend to all of that crazy decision-making. She can just be with her deep grief for my passing. We both laughed! That's a good thing.
Aging like a guru has us consider the reality of our departure. We don't know how and we don't know when, but we know it's coming. It's smart to take care of some important details before the precious event occurs. In fact, Consumer Report has a post called What to Do When Someone Dies. It's a great list to review now and perhaps get some things in place. Just a thought!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Fear of Living, Fear of Dying - Maybe Both! I find it an interesting question to ask people, "Are you afraid of living?"
When we adventure forward in life, we will undoubtedly face many things we have no interest in facing. Facing loss, annihilation, humiliation, rejection are some of the biggies. Courageously living in your truth, though phenomenal to experience takes a lot of strength and conviction. Why the heck did we come into these Earthly forms in the first place? Good question.
Joseph Campbell said, “Where there is a way or a path, it’s someone else’s way...."
I have a theory that if you are on your own path, then things are going to come to you. Since it’s your own path, and no one has ever been on it before, there is no precedent, so everything that happens is a surprise and is timely.
Listen in and let me know your thoughts on Facebook!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Regardless of Age, I Don't Know How to Do Me! I've never known how to be me. And now that I have a whole repertoire of experience that points to who I've been and who I've tried to be, it doesn’t really help. Because I choose to do these podcasts I keep having to attend to the truth of me and how it's been working for me.
I’m not by any means a guru. I do practice what I believe gurus might practice, though. Why? Well, I believe essentially that they have trained themselves to have a pretty good life, one that is peaceful and fulfilling. That’s what I want for me, and that’s what I want for you!
As part of the practice of creating these Podcasts, I take an inventory quite regularly so that I'm not just talking a talk, but I'm actually walking my walk. I question when and how I’m listening to my inner guru; I question whether that inner guru is actually me. Sometimes I can’t tell. Sometimes I spend time - hours, days or weeks discerning who the hell that is talking with me.
Listening to my inner guru doesn’t mean that life is going to be easy. It just means I have some guidance that is better than what I’d be getting if I listened to my fears.
Truthfully I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I’m doing. Because I live more and more in the present moment I can only know myself in this moment.
I believe I’m here on this planet to be living my own path one step at a time. This practice requires me to let go of my past and not design a future. I’m not an expert at this. And where I am today is all I can master. The quote, “I am the Master of my Destiny,” really only means that I’m able to be present in this moment with little or no fear of what tomorrow will bring. Is that who I am? Hmmmm. Great question!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
It’s Not If You Die, It’s How You Face the Inevitability of Your Death It is said that Japanese Samurai warriors reminded themselves of the inevitability of loss by using the phrase, “Die before going into battle.” This practice allows a warrior to enter combat without fear of death because he has brought himself to the acceptance of death ahead of time. Because death is an inevitable outcome, and by accepting the absoluteness of that inevitability, the warrior fully gives himself to his mission without concern for survival or victory.
Tracy Goss wrote a book called The Last Word on Power (1996), and talks about the paradigm most of us live in. It goes like this: if things are going great - Yay for us! If things are not going great, there must be something wrong with them, it, or me!
Goss points to the fact that there is very little room in our current paradigm for the Isness of life. She says life doesn’t turn out the way it "should", but rather life turns out the way it does. Most of us don’t like that message, and so we avoid the whole subject completely until we can no longer deny the inevitability of life ending in death.
There is so much we cannot control in life, but that doesn’t stop us from trying! Death is just one of those fates that, although undeniable on a very obvious level, tends to lead to humans creating a tremendous amount of fantasies of "beating the odds". I find that fascinating.
What would life look like if we, like the Samurai Warriors, admitted that death is inevitable? I suspect we would get on with the task of fulfilling our mission of bringing about the vision we imagine for the world. I believe we would stop living in fear and begin expressing compassion for ourselves and others. I don’t really know. But it beats living in fear for the rest of my time on the planet!
In the end, life will end as it does, not as it should. That’s a big fat be-with! So now what? For me, I’m going to get on with letting go of how life should be and how life should end, and just live one day at a time, making it the best day ever.
How are you with the topic of death? Let's talk about it over on Facebook!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
When Other People Are Suffering At any age in life, we will see or hear about other people who are having a rough time with their own aging process. It might be friends, family, or our partners.
How do we respond? How do we support or help people in need? I think this is a really big question: How do we help others without endangering our own well-being? How willing are we to throw ourselves under the bus for other people? And how are we possibly doing that without even realizing that it's happening?
Listen in to find out and share your thoughts with me on Facebook!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Solitude or Isolation? Does it matter? YEP! Big Time!! They may sound similar, but there's a big difference between solitude and isolation, and the difference is what motivates a person to be alone.
The bottom line is that quite often as we age we can do with a lot less people time. We need more "Me Time." We can get kind of bored with all the social pageantry that use to be so important to us. We'd rather binge on a Netflix series, a good book, or a knitting project that we can't wait to finish. There isn't fear in being alone. There isn't a sense of missing something or someone; in fact, FOMO is long gone. We find more fun ways to enjoy our own company, and the company of close friends and family - perhaps, and in limited quantities! This is called solitude, and many people relish in it as they age. Nowhere to be but exactly where they already are.
Isolation, on the other hand, is something that can occur because of fears, or loss, or depression. Some people think that they are less appreciated or loved as they age, and begin to worry about not being able to be all that they once were in life. They often don't know who they are without their previous roles and identities, so they stay home and feel bad about themselves as they hide from others. Not a fun way to live one's life.
Do you have a sense of whether you're headed towards isolation or solitude? Which one? Listen in and then tell me your experiences on Facebook!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What's Really Happening When Life Gets Scary? Most of us spend probably 80% of our time being afraid, to one degree or another. We've been trained to be afraid of change, of risk, of loss, of success, of failure, of love.... You name it! All because someone, somewhere, has declared that that is something to be afraid of.
There's another group that says we should embrace change, success, failure and the rest of it . . . but you and I both know that that's so much easier to say than actually do.
So how do we face the changes that constantly confront us as we age, and not be in a state of angst or freak out for the rest of our lives??? Big question!!
Listen in to hear my thoughts on it! And share yours with me on Facebook!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What Should I Want? What Do I Want? Given that there is so much information that tells us what we should want as we grow up and morph through our "Golden Years," you'd think we knew how to do this better!
Many times, though, all the options available to us actually create more confusion rather than clarity. The question: "What should I want?" comes up in a lot of my coaching sessions with my clients. My answer is always, "What do you want?"
So many of us are afraid to truly know what we want, and so we limit our desires to only what we think we can have. We've eliminated so much possibility because we are afraid to know what we truly desire.
Listen in as I discuss allowing yourself to want what you want!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Should I Be Afraid of Aging? Being aged 67 now, I know I could live well into my 90’s. That could be a good 30 years! Yet when I imagine myself in this process, I realize the degree to which I worry and wonder if I should be afraid of aging. At the same time, I don't want to spend the next 30 years living in fear. That's not the way I want to live this last third of my life.
Living in Fear
I've talked to quite a few people lately about aging, and I was surprised with the number who expressed that they are afraid of aging. It's a fascinating dilemma that we may have decades ahead of us, but we fear the worst that could come as we potentially decline into decrepitude.
I think there is another way of looking at aging - and obviously aging like a guru would enhance the possibilities, wouldn't you say?
Listen in and let me know your thoughts on Facebook!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Don't Worry - Life is Good As I've mentioned in previous podcasts, worrying and other negative patterns of thinking contribute little to the idea that life is good. People roll their eyes when they hear me say that life is good. They think I'm being flaky. However, I've been doing a lot of work on my human-spirit self so that I can have a good life, and more importantly, experience the good life that I am having right now.
Worrying contributes little or nothing to my well-being. It's taken me decades to realize that. So why not pass on the possibility to you - so that you can question the value of worry or any negative thinking that you consciously create for yourself. As you know, my intention is to only cultivate a potential of curiosity in you so that you may experience greater freedom to choose to choose what you want to choose. And, to let go of the idea that you have to choose according to someone else's beliefs.
Lately I've been using the mantra, "I'm responsible for my own life." It has made a huge difference in how I choose what I choose. No one else is now able to rain on my parade. And, I like it that way!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
When in Doubt, Drink Water Regardless of our age, most of us do not drink enough water, so therefore we may be feeling symptoms of dehydration that we ignore, because it feels normal. And all too often people end up at the doctor's office for symptoms of dehydration.
One of the intentions of these podcasts is to tap into wisdom and intelligence that is always with us. When we become more aware of what's happening physically and in all other ways, we become more empowered to make choices that keep us healthy, if healthy is what we want. Sometimes I've chosen less-healthy choices, and the consequences are symptoms that make me think I need to go to the doctor, when really I just need to make different choices.
What choices are you re-evaluating after listening to this podcast? Let me know on Facebook!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What is Your Highest Value: Health, Wealth or Wellbeing? The longer I'm on this planet in this Earth-suit, the more I see the potential to really create the life I want to have. I'm always at choice, but what values are the values most important to me?
Does wealth take precedence over health? Does fulfillment and happiness come before wealth? Each of us have our own priorities. The more clear we are with those priorities, the greater capacity we have to choose based on those priorities.
Do I have the best life ever? Perhaps for others it's not the best life. Perhaps they would make different choices based on their values. For me, so far, the life I'm living is the best I can imagine. And, I can't wait to see what shows up that is, for me, unimaginable. I know that if I'm open to receiving it, then it will be extraordinary!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Stuffed Animals Aren't Just for Kids For some people, having a stuffed animal has gotten them through the toughest times. Online searches brought up studies and stories of the values inherent in keeping a stuffed animal very close by. I've had William for 37 years. Through thick and thin, that bear has been there for me like no one else!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Living Through Darkest Hours - There's No Hope Until There Is I have no idea why we are never prepared for the inevitable darkest hour of life. It always comes: Annihilation of what seems to matter most; Homes destroyed; Jobs lost; Loss of loved ones.
There seems to be no salve for this gaping hole. Nothing matters in those times.
Why are we so unprepared for the worst of the worst? When there's no hope in sight, how do we be in it all?
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Advice from Old People Searching online gives anyone looking for anything waaaaay more information than one needs. But, wow! You can learn a lot, if you are curious.
Some friends of mine who lived nearly to 100 shared a couple of things that I took to heart. Here's their advice:
Never, Never Fall Down, and Never Take Prescription Drugs!
Side effects of prescription drugs creates a serious problem. Both doctors and patients do not realize that practically any symptom in older adults and in many younger adults can be caused or worsened by drugs. Some doctors and patients assume that what are actually adverse drug reactions are simply signs of aging. As a result, many serious adverse reactions are entirely overlooked or not recognized until they have caused significant harm. from Worst Pills, Best Pills (Worstpills.org)
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Revealing Allows Healing: Doing the Deep Dive and Coming Up Ecstatic What limits me from having exactly the life I want to have?
Well, most people believe it isn't possible to have that life, and so they continue to suffer, settle, and survive until the bitter end.
But it doesn't have to be that way! Listen in to see what I mean!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I’m My Own Executioner and I Didn’t Even Know It! We can bend spoons and we can heal ourselves of disease. Which of these is more fun to practice?
There are a lot of people who dabble in the metaphysical world, with astrology, tarot, dowsing, or bending spoons. So many possibilities are at our fingertips. And curing ourselves of disease and what ails us as we age is also very realistic, according to Kelly Turner, who wrote the book Radical Remissions. So, where do most of us put our energies - in dabbling or in healing ourselves of what makes us sick?
Recently, I came across this aspect of me that seems to want to make my life difficult. It steers me towards poverty, loneliness, and wondering if I’ll ever amount to anything. I named this part of me my Executioner. It doesn’t care whether I’m a good person or a bad person. It is very much like the Queen of Hearts in Alice In Wonderland, who is famous for saying “Off with their heads!”
To manifest a life of whole-being and well-being, I’ve had to do some very deep digging to discover this part of me that punishes me for a choice I made a long time ago. It was a choice that I know was the very best choice given the circumstance. My executioner doesn’t care. It’s off with my head, regardless.
I believe a lot of us aging gurus live with circumstances in our past that we had no good choice about. We did the best we could, and yet we still punish ourselves for some reason. I believe these inner executioners keep us from being healthier, wealthier, and fulfilled. And for what?
What’s the point of self-punishment, self-abuse, self-flagellation?
I don’t have answers to this question. However, I can begin to notice when I’m in a state of self-degradation. I can feel that visceral angst that used to be so normal that I didn’t know it was really a not good way to be towards myself.
What I want for you is what I want for everyone, including me: to come to acknowledge that you’ve always been doing the very best you can do; to respect that the conditions of your reality brought you into every circumstance; to honor that who you were decades ago - who you may still be punishing, knew not what he or she was doing; and to honor what it has taken for you to courageously live life with all the calamities and insanities.
We can restore our sanity, our health, and our well-being once we retire our executioner. We all deserve a rest from past mistakes - even our executioner.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Doing What I Do Only for the Right Reasons - My Reasons! I used to believe life was about struggling - well into my forties. But somewhere, somehow, something shifted, and I came to see that I didn’t want life to be about struggling. I wanted life to be fun. I came up with the the three most important qualities of being that I wanted in my life, no matter what: Freedom, Fun, and Flexibility!
Every one of us aging gurus figures out sooner or later what the right reason is for doing what we do. We are all different and so we don’t always agree with what the right reasons are for others - especially if we have aging parent.
How we come to allow ourselves and others to have their right reason is a practice of grace and grit. But to honor ourselves - to our own selves be true - is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Falling Happens We fall. Sometimes we can't get back up. Not a happy thought!
So many of us live as victims to our circumstances.
Aging gurus take a different perspective. They are proactive, engaged, and present to who they are and how they are living every day. This is what I want for all of us.
We have access to all the information we need on how to live healthy lives. We are all at choice to how we choose what we choose.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you choose. You’ll either be resilient and vital until you are dead or you’ll be something other than that. We have so much potential to live happy, thriving lives. And I so want that for you!
Please listen in!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
The End Times - How Will They Arrive for Me? We all die. Every living organism dies. So why do we spend so much time ignoring, denying, avoid, and distracting ourselves from consciously talking about our end times?
Our context/paradigm regarding aging and old age focuses primarily on decline and decrepitude. But it doesn't have to be that way! If we willingly choose to talk about how we choose to see ourselves, we can choose to see ourselves differently. Most of us see ourselves as victims of life and death, medicare and social security, the needs of caretakers and the community that surrounds us. Yet we can choose differently!
My intention is not to fall down, to get sick, or to be depressed or lonely as I age. I intend to go to bed one night and not wake up. No hardship, no burden, no trauma or drama - just ease and a sweet AMEN!
How do you wish your end times to be for you?
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Stillness - Wisdom or Aging? Over the past few weeks I've been taking a nap almost daily. Sometimes it's fatigue that's driving me to lay down. Sometimes I just want to create an emptiness in my mind.
I use my mind to think about, discover, and unconceal patterns in my life that limit my capacity to be the fullest expression of my essential self. All that thinking makes me want a break! When I lay down, I'm calling a "time out!" And, I can then focus my attention to where there is no thought - only emptiness.
Sometimes, I'll say, "Okay, you've had a really productive morning. You've done some really good work. Now you get to clear the decks and just be still." I then say, "I empty myself of everything." Most of the time this works. I focus on an empty space that exists somewhere in my field and be in that space. It's quite refreshing.
Anyone who's been interested in meditation knows that stillness is what one is seeking. So, for me to wonder if it is wisdom or if it's that I'm just getting old, I think it's the former. I've always loved taking naps. And to follow my body and mind's requirement for a break, it's a very good thing.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
There is No Such Thing as Dysfunctional! The truth is, we grow up in families, cultures, educational, political and religious environments that condition us to think, feel, need, and want what is considered normal for our culture. If we deviate from the norms of our environment, we are considered a black sheep, and perhaps become an outcast. So, regardless of how sick and crazy our culture might be, we learn to bend to their rules. And, within this, then we are "functioning."
When we venture out into the world where other cultures meet or meld, we might find ourselves limited in our ability to be ourselves, to be resilient, to understand and allow others to be who they are and for us to be who we are. Our ability to work, play and love in the mix of others is where we can see how we empowered ourselves to be, and to survive in the culture of origin.
It is here that we can begin to explore perhaps choosing to be different that what we were conditioned to be.
I believe that there is no dysfunction really. There is only one's ability to choose how they want to be their natural and fullest expression in the world. Fear always wants to interfere with this, and it's up to us to empower ourselves to be ourselves in relation to fear in the best way possible. In fact, every one of us is highly functional and has the capacity for creating optimal conditions in our lives. We just have to declare that we are ready!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
How Old Do You Feel? In a recent article in the NY Times, it was shared that how old you feel, or how young you feel, is a great indicator of your health. Generally, the younger you feel the healthier you are. This is good to know, right?
We have the power to create health and vitality. We can choose how healthy we want to feel and then make choices in alignment with that commitment, or not.
Essentially, we are 100% responsible for our own lives. We have 100% potentiality to flourish to the degree to which we wish to flourish.
How old do you want to feel? How responsible to you want to be for making that happen? These are questions that you get to answer for yourself.
Truth is, it doesn't matter what you want or what you do about what you want. I only encourage you to choose what you want and then let go of any guilt or remorse about having your life be different. Just enjoy who you are now as you are, and you'll be doing far more for your health and well-being than anything else. Enjoy who you are!!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I'm Aging My Way In a couple of weeks you'll be listening to an interview I'm doing with Rajiv Nagaich regarding aging options. He is the founder of a company in the Seattle area called Aging Options. He and his staff support and empower people to stay in their own homes, not go broke, and not be a burden to their loved ones. We all want that right?
An interesting fact is that over 85% of the population of the US want to die in their own home. However only about 20% actually make that happen.
What is it that has that be so?
Check out this podcast for some clues to what has this be so and how to perhaps increase you potential to age your own way.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
The HOW is the Entire Point of This Journey Upon reviewing our lives, reliving memories of the past, we can see patterns and strategies we were conditioned to engage in. There were principles and rules, ideals and obligations to uphold.
As we age, and perhaps as we get beyond obligations of family and career, we are given an opportunity to review how we lived our lives, how we made choices, and how we lived within the consequences of those choices.
If you are able to imagine yourself an “Indiana Jones” of sorts, you can see your life as an amazing adventure. You were handed a manual written by your elders. It seemed right that you follow the mandates. At times you could have chosen a path less traveled, and perhaps you did. Perhaps like Indiana, that manual had absolutely no relevance to the circumstances you found yourself in, so you used it for toilet paper or as a fire starter instead!
Truth is, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are able to be with all the twists and turns, all of the consequences of those choices, and acknowledge to yourself, “Wow, that was an amazing adventure that I created for myself. What have I learned so far? What can I take with me as I go forward on the rest of this journey of my life?"
When I read in Oneness (p.368), that the how is the entire point of this journey, it kind of shattered my reality. Up until recently, I’ve been more enmeshed in the what of this journey: what I’ve done and was it enough. Is what I’ve done right, wrong, good or bad? In the next decade or two, will I be rewarded for what I’ve done or will I be punished?
As I consider the how’s of my life, the story becomes more interesting and engaging. And, as I age, I’m able to review this story from an overview.
Actually, now that I think about it, I wrote an autobiographical book. The intention of writing that book (The Unholy Adventure of a Reluctant Adventurer) was to uncover how I came to choose some ridiculously challenging choices throughout my life. As the title suggests, I never saw myself as an adventurer and probably never will. However, I suggest that each of us, through reviewing and reliving the how's of our life, will reveal how we created an incredible adventure for ourselves: coming to this planet, figuring out the what’s and how’s, then bushwhacking our own trails of a life that will never be lived or known in quite the way that you know your life to be. Isn’t that awesome!
I’d love you to be curious about how your journey began and unfolded for you. Write your memoirs for yourself. Encourage yourself to live in the question, “How did I come to make the choices I made, and how I did I live in the consequences that arose?"
I guarantee it will be a fascinating story for you to reveal to yourself.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Trying to Out-Do God - Not Me! My dad thought he was immortal and invincible when it came to dying. I watched him struggle to stay in his body when everything was going against him. His body was shutting down but he was determined to out-do God. It didn’t work!
My friends Marj and Fred went to a memorial this weekend for a dear friend here on the Island. They were laughing about the fact that even though death is inevitable, there is always a shock, surprise or amazement when some one dies. “Oh My God!! He Died?”
There are a lot of people that eat too much, drink too much, and do things that are death-defying acts. A friend of mine, Marnie, told me her husband was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. She said that he'd been eating too much sugar in the form or candy and cookies for decades, and had been warned that his sugar levels were high. She said that he thought he was invincible. He isn't alone by any stretch of the imagination.
Each of us push the envelope of unhealthy habits even though we all have the common sense and the information to back up the fact that our bodies can only withstand so much abuse before severe repercussions in the form of disease shows up. I think it's because we want to believe we can buck the system - out-do God.
Irvin Yalom, an existential psychotherapist, shared something I always thought might be true: That each of us believes we are going to be the one that is immortal, that can out-do God, that can survive what is an existential non-negotiable event for every living thing on this planet - death!
I laugh at myself and the rest of us who allow our egos the space to attempt to show God who's boss! We are funny creatures - so much wisdom and so little smarts.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Considering Therapy - Who Me? Therapy, Coaching, or any form of personal development can be very useful, if not imperative at time.
Personal growth and self-discovery are part and parcel to growing ourselves through all stages and ages of life. Sometimes we need the support even when we think we can do it alone. Other times, a good self-help book can do the job.
In this podcast I emphasize the choice to reaching out for a Coach, Therapist or Minister as a support. What I didn't emphasize is that you may feel desperate and despairing. I've been there myself many times.
It's so important to get help from people who've been there and can empower you through this challenging time. Calling 911 if you are in a situation that is unbearable can be the greatest gift you give yourself.
The national 24/7 crisis line is 1-800-273-8255. There's also a national crisis text line.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I am So Alone or Am I? Experiencing those moments of devastating aloneness is something that occurs for each and every one of us. It is an existential phenomena: because we exist, aloneness exists.
For me, the moments I feel most alone are the moments I begin any new project, and anytime I'm about to take a leap of faith - reaching into and perhaps beyond the edge of my comfort zone.
In these moments I come to experience that, in this moment, I am completely responsible for how I am being and how I am being with myself. I am completely responsible for the choice I've made and for taking this next step into what only can be described as the abyss.
I have people in couple's coaching experiencing this when they desire to step into deeper intimacy with their partners. I know people wanting to write their books, wanting to change careers, parents dealing with the process of empty-nesting, people aging alone.... Every one of these people feel alone, believing they are without anyone to understand and support them in this excruciating moment of being human.
Though we may have read about, talked about, thought about the moment that brings us to the edge of our comfort zone, no one knows it until they step out beyond what was the known just a second ago. And to do it over and over and over again is what it takes for self-discovery and for the fulfillment of the human spirit to occur.
It is so human to feel alone and to forget how connected we are to each other by all the ways we live inside these bodies. We are kindred spirits. When we remember this we can perhaps feel alone less often. We know that we are among brothers and sisters learning to leap into our true magnificence.
Listen in!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Herding Emus at 80 - Who Me? Last week on Orcas Island, I joined three other people in their mid to late 70's to herd an Emu back to safety and support. Who would have guessed that we would have the strength, wisdom, and patience to bring this event to a very successful conclusion?! Not me!
Society as a whole writes off our elders as "useless burdens," but just because we are old doesn't mean we don't have what it takes to do, well, just about anything!
It often comes down to brain over brawn, patience over panic, and love over struggle.
I have no doubt that us "old folks" have far more capacity for accomplishing what we set out to do than we give ourselves credit for. And the rewards are greater than we imagine!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Divorce is a Possibility No Matter How Old We Are Divorce among Baby Boomers is on the rise. I find that fascinating. It points to the freedom to choose to be who we are and to choose what brings us fulfillment. It points to our willingness to let go of what is no longer satisfying. The status quo of "stability and security at all costs" is no longer the only way we are willing to live life. We want a better quality of life, no matter what our age. That's a good thing!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Grace Arrives For many of us, we are given clues, verbally or visually, of what's to become of us in the future. This phenomenon can surprise us or confuse us. But it can also reassure us that grace is on its way.
Listen in to hear how Grace has showed up in my life.
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Radical Remission by Kelly Turner
Oneness book by Rasha
A Course in Miracles
Aging Like A Guru Facebook Group
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Bankruptcy - Breaking Promises and Being Okay - No Matter What! Did you know that 1 in 7 people who file bankruptcy are over the age of 65?
I'm one of those people.
To decide to break a promise to my bank was just as hard as breaking promises when I chose to leave my marriages. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
This podcast explores some of the challenges of breaking promises you meant to keep.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Take a Nap Taking a nap can be a great way to restore sanity to your mind, body and spirit. For some of us, it goes against the grain. For others, it's just what the doctor ordered - who me?!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What's Yours to Do? No matter how old you are there is so much potential for having fun and enjoying life.
Really!
In this podcast I share stories of my sister Patrice and my friend Paula. They are having the time of their lives. They never saw how great it could be to age like gurus!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Every day is the Best Day Ever! This is somewhat of a continuation of the previous podcast, Shifting the Paradigm of Aging.
We are at choice, every moment of our lives, to see the world we wish to see and to be in the world in the way we wish to be. It's simple to say but takes dedication to making it so.
Listen in to hear how you can make this important shift for yourself!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Shifting the Paradigm of Aging Did you know? The way we think about aging colors and expresses itself in the way we experience aging.
For example, if I see myself as a victim to aging, I will most likely not flourish in my later years of life.
However, if I see that I am always ME inside this aging body, then I know myself to be full potentiality 100% of the time, and therefore flourishing as I age will be a constant.
What do you think? Could this be true for you, too? Listen in!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Space - The Final Frontier of Aging Space abounds in our lives. How we empower ourselves to choose to be with that space is a potent choice. It doesn’t really matter what you or I choose. Each of us are on our own human/spiritual journey and will make use of the space of our lives as we will. The intention for these podcasts is to perhaps inspire curiosity about yourself, your life, & the space of you being you!
As I’m sitting, preparing for this podcast - no title, no subject, no particular intention, I find myself in this space. Maybe there’s nothing to say, nothing to do. Maybe I’m done. And in this space I begin to conjure up all kinds of thoughts that have nothing to do with the intention of these podcasts. Thoughts of breakfast, walking Gracie, cleaning the pond filter, the weather outside, all flow out of some repository for mentalizations, and that space is no longer spacious.
I don't know about you, but I make myself wrong if I’m not actively participating in life mentally, physically, or emotionally. The truth is, space is a very healthy thing to have in one’s life. We just have to train ourselves to appreciate it rather than be afraid of it and want to desperately fill it up!
Space, for What? Nothing to do, nowhere to go - it’s not apathy, boredom, or depression. It’s just space! What an adventure.
Francis - 87 years old, says, “I’m scared. I find myself not caring about all the things I used to care about. What’s life about if I don’t care about anything?”
Marvin - 93 years old, says, “I’m alive, but I don’t know the point of living. I’ve got so much space in my life and nothing to fill it with.”
That fact is, life is just space filled with whatever we choose to put into that space.
Mostly we fill it with thoughts - fantasies, imaginings, rationalizations, judgments.... We are always thinking stuff while we are doing whatever it is we are doing. As I’m writing this, my mind is spewing out thoughts of thoughts related to anything and everything. I have choose to focus on the task at hand and ignore 99% of the thoughts flying through my mind in order to get this podcast out!
The point is, sometimes there is just space - call it a pause, call it stillness, call it a moment of peace. Call it whatever you want. But notice that there isn’t anything wrong with you when there is this space. You are still here!
Some People Indulge This Space So many people train themselves to allow this space in their lives. It’s called meditation practice. Others smoke marijuana to create that space. Others take medication to alleviate themselves from mental and emotional stress, and thus create some space. So here you are, having a moment of space without any catalysts.
As we age - especially when our bodies lose their capacity to be mobile, and we become more sedentary, we begin to fill the space of our lives with worry, which has the potential to turn into anxiousness, hopelessness, and depression. We experience the powerlessness of no longer being in control of our lives the way we once were. The whole experience of living life in these human forms become nonsensical. Again we arrive at the point of, “what’s the point?”
Aging like a guru allows us the perspective of allowing the space to be as it is - not filling it for the sake of avoiding the discomfort of space. Gurus know the space as it is, and, they choose to explore that space as it is. They’ve trained themselves to relax into the space, reveling in moments where the complexity of humanness falls away, and they are free to experience just being in space.
Being Who? Being What? My personal experience with being in space is that at first I was terrified that I would disappear. If I stopped thinking for too long, then I’d lose myself and my identity. The question arose: “who am I without my thoughts?” That got me curious! A logical and intelligent question arose: “When I’m asleep, am I afraid I won’t return to myself? Of course not! So do I trust enough to explore this space consciously - not just through sleep?” And so my practice began - mindfully creating space where I habitually cluttered it with mindlessness.
I’m not a meditator. I don’t so much go seeking space as I do go allowing it to be when it arises. These days, I experience space more as a pause. I’ve come to appreciate the pause as a reminder: to remember who I am inside this human experience. The busy-ness in the world has little importance if it isn’t in service to experiencing fulfillment of our human-spirit, which for me includes moments of peace within the space of being.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Who's Your Champion? We all need champions in our lives - someone who believes in us 100%! It's rare that we have these champions, or we may have them but not feel like we have them. I'm sure my parents would say they championed me - supported me in being the fullest expression of myself, but that's not how it felt from my perspective.
As we age, we may have partners, children, caregivers, or community services that are potential champions. And most of all, we have ourselves to champion us along the way!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Oh What Fun It is to Ride! At 74 years of age, Marj declares "I'm an athlete! I'd never ever guess that would happen to me!"
The opportunities available to each of us - regardless of our age, are everywhere, always. You never know what will show up as a passion for you!
Listen in to hear about Marj's new ride!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
You are Here in No-Man’s Land One of the greatest challenge for anyone immersed in their aging process is being with what is. What is may not feel normal - as in the way life used to feel; as in there doesn’t seem to be any particular trajectory of your life, in this moment. There aren’t any should’s or shouldn’t - rules which provide guilt and shame as boundary markers for your life in this moment. In fact, there appears to be nowhere to go and nothing to do.
In a coaching session, Melanie declares, “I’m bored! I’ve given up and let go of so much of the trauma-drama of my past, and this is what I get? Boredom? What the F*^#!”
Melanie rants a bit more that all of her efforts to extract herself from the life of abuse and neglect seem to have brought her to this place where nothing makes sense anymore. “I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Sometimes I feel more insane than ever before. Wasn’t I promised healing, serenity and wisdom if I took this spiritual path? I’m pissed!"
You are Here on the Path in No-Man’s Land
As a practitioner, it isn’t my job to make this process easy, unless pointing to the landmarks and road signs eases the process of being human, and specifically in regard to aging. Whereever you are - that’s where you are. And, my job is to assist you in seeing and experiencing that this is the very place you are meant to be - in this moment.
Whatever it is you are being with is what’s yours to be with. Melanie, who has been immersed in the patternings of trauma and drama, is now transitioning into someplace that is no longer riddled with triggers for flight, fright and freezing. This new environment feels weird, empty, and pointless - boring. It makes perfect sense that this is how it feels to her, since all she knew before this is scared, reactive, and highly triggered. So much of that is gone, which is a very good thing. Now, here she is, but she doesn’t know where she is, so it’s highly disconcerting. It feels like crazy-making; not at all what she expected.
Any addict will tell you that once they got sober from their drug of choice, their life felt empty and pointless. They yearned for the highs and lows of the life they had while using. I too know this place well. It’s like being in a waiting room with no magazines, no music, no entertainment gadgets - nothing. Just you being you with no distractions, other than of your own making.
Where’s That Promised Land?
Moses did indeed lead the people to the promised land; however, they wandered in the desert for 40 years. The promised land is a place that we imagine will give us everything we desire. Yet leaving the known world requires that we travel through unknown territory - no-man’s land. Neither here nor there. What we discover about being here, if we are willing to see it, is that it is its own fulfillment of what has been promised to us. We’ve arrived!
In the Bible, it says that God made the Israelites walk in the dessert for 40 years as punishment. But, maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t a punishment. Maybe they could not receive the gifts of the promised land until they’d released and surrendered their attachments to their “stuff.” Whether Catholic, Jewish, Muslim - whatever or whoever you are - you, me, we all have stuff, and that stuff mainly includes entitlement and reward for the hard work and suffering one has gone through.
“Haven’t I suffered enough?” Says Ira, 20 years into the dessert. God says in response to Ira’s wailing, “Yes, of course you’ve suffered enough. You didn’t have to suffer at all. Just stop thinking the promised land is somewhere other than where you are, Ira. You’ve already arrived! Enjoy!!”
If, like Ira, and Melanie, we perceive where we are as not where we are supposed to be, then we will always experience lack, scarcity, and fear of not doing this right: “I must be wrong; I’m helpless, powerless, and pathetic!” Thus, the suffering in the desert for 40 years. Again, I know this place so well!
In A Course in Miracles, it says, “Lack implies that you would be better off in a state somehow different from the one you are in.” It takes courage and strength to see that in fact there is no lack in any one moment. There may be new experiences that are uncomfortable and disorienting, but that doesn’t make them wrong or bad - just different. Being with the differentness and seeing the beauty, awe and wonder that is present, because you’ve left behind your enslavement to trauma-drama, addictions, and whatever else kept you from knowing yourself as brilliant, radiant and light, well, it lets you see the paradise that is all about you always and everywhere.
Yes, it is a challenge to be liberated from old patterns, habits, and addictions. It is hard to be in something different without judging it or you as lacking. Yes, it musters up wisdom and discernment to know the difference. And yes, it’s important to get support and assistance from someone or a group that have gone through the desert, and found themselves before they reached that ‘promised land.’
This process of aging brings us ever closer to ourselves - if we are willing to be quiet long enough to arrive. To thine own self be true, is the promised land!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Sometimes Aging Ain't So Pretty! Glen has Parkinson’s Disease. He is 72, lives alone, and he fell the other day. He was needing to get to the bathroom - didn’t make it - messed his pants and laid there for hours before someone found him and called 911. He will probably end up having to live in a long-term care facility since he doesn’t have anyone who will care for him at home. He has no options! He is at the mercy of the healthcare and the social welfare systems.
Truth is, Glen isn’t taking care of himself. He’s depressed, bitter, and scared. He is resentful of the world so he chooses to “punish” the world by letting himself fall into this level of self-neglect.
There are a lot of people like Glen, who in one way or another neglect their own well-being. More than likely it is a life-long patterning of seeing oneself as violated, disempowered, victimized and at the mercy of the world.
What It's Like To Be Glen Compassion is what I experience when I hear about Glen. Though I don’t suffer from any specific disease, I know what it’s like to live in bitter, depressed, resentment. It sucks! I know what it’s like to feel powerless, hopeless, and helpless. That sucks too. I know what it is like to have to choose to give up the belief that life will turn out the way I want, and to surrender my will. Yuck!!!
Truth is - from my perspective, Glen is at a point in his life where he has to give up his will and turn his life over to a healthcare system. One way or another, we will have to turn it over - voluntarily or not! We are at choice in so many ways; perhaps many more than we want to empower ourselves to be.
I for one want to do whatever I can to not end up in Glen’s shoes. I want to take the steps now to alleviate anything and everything that would contribute to the level of isolation and desperateness that afflicts so many people in the world who are in Glen’s type of situation.
As I've mentioned before, the intention of these podcasts, Aging Like a Guru - Who Me?, is to provide a perspective that says that each of us are at choice: to change what we can change, and also to come to accept what we cannot change. We are empowered always and everywhere to bring our life-force into it’s fullest radiant expression. Whether you want to believe it or not, we are at choice!
Perhaps you, too, feel that bitter, powerless, resentment. Perhaps you conceal it under any number of personas - humor, smart, disdain, to name a few. “I don’t give a rat’s-ass,” is a good one, too! I get it! I’ve lived there most of my life. It’s not pretty. It isn’t fun to be around, and I hated myself for it! And, I chose, and continue to choose, to do whatever I can to stop doing what doesn’t work. That includes adjusting my attitude.
It might be weird to consider, but, I hold as part of my truth, that like all of us, Glen is on a spiritual journey. His path has brought him here, to this moment, to this profound life experience. Within these desperate circumstances, Glen always has the power to choose how he will be going forward. As is the case for all of us, there are extraordinary opportunities for him to allow himself to know himself in peace, wholeness, and love.
I Don’t Want to End Up Like Glen Glen is a reflection of each of us. As we age, we can choose, as I had done in the past, to live in desperateness. And, as we age, we can choose a different path. Be curious about which path you are choosing! The work of spiritual growth is a requirement. You can do it now, or you can do it later. You get to choose!
I love that we are always at choice of when and how. That’s the good news - even for Glen!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Can You Know How Great You Are? For most of us, the world we live in doesn't support us knowing how great we are. It doesn't support us being fearless, abundant and extraordinary. In fact, our consensus reality is fear-based, scarcity-based and shame-based. Jeesh!
If you are anything like me, allowing yourself to acknowledge what's true about you - all the good stuff and the bad stuff, is terrifying. However, if we aren't allowed to see all the ways we are great and doing really well, then we won't be able to see all the tools and skills we've developed and have access to in service to having the awesomest life possible.
I've been doing a particular exercise with myself that I’ve found really helpful. Before going to sleep I acknowledge myself for 10 things I'm happy about. For example: I acknowledge myself for cleaning the dishes before watching a movie; I watered my plants; I looked at my bank account to know that I have enough money. Easy - right?
The next part of the exercise is to acknowledge 10 things that I respect myself for. This is a little more challenging, but it is worth the effort. I found so far that I respect myself for the ways that I'm courageous - even when I'm scared. I respect myself for disciplining myself to do some amount of housecleaning, and I respect myself for stretching my comfort zone to do something that is uncomfortable. So far, I've revealed through this part of the exercise elements of my character that I hadn't been willing to see and appreciate before now.
The 3rd part of this exercise is even more difficult. I ask myself to acknowledge five things I honor myself for and five ways that I honor myself. Yikes! The truth is that it took me a long time to reveal even one thing in which I honor myself for, and no way that I actually honor myself. This was getting to be hard work. However, I knew if I continually ignored all the amazing shifts and changes that I've accomplished for myself - by myself, I wouldn't see that I have the capacity to grow myself into my fullest potential - my purest intent. So I needed to keep working on this - no matter what.
Thus, I thought about those people that I say I honor, and I thought about what I honored them for. I honor people for their respect of others, their generosity of spirit, and their willingness to be themselves and enjoy themselves. This was the start of seeing what I honor in myself too. And, then to see how I actually honor myself - what I do that is honoring - well, that came with intention and commitment.
I too deserved to be honored, appreciated and loved - by me!!! I know that having a clean, uncluttered home is one way that I honor myself; taking my supplements consistently is a way that I honor myself; making sure I paint and create every day is a way that I honor myself; being in nature and beauty is also a huge way that I honor myself, and finally, choosing a lifestyle that allows thriving to occur on all levels of my being - now that is truly honoring of me. That's a good list to start with, I think!!
So, I want you to be curious about how great you are. Let yourself talk about what a great day you had and what was fun and meaningful for you. Enjoy getting to know what a gift you are to yourself and the world. If nothing else, you'll bring a smile to your own face more often than you can imagine. That, in itself, is a very good thing!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
A Marriage that Grows Love Jennifer and Mike are a couple with wisdom and courage. They've been together for over 11 years. They, like all couples, have their challenges. They, like few couples in their 50's, 60's and 70's, actually stay present and committed to their relationship with each other. This interview provides some of the ups and down of such a relationship.
As you are listening to this interview, you may feel as though you are listening to an infomercial. My intention in sharing so much about the work that Jennifer and Mike are up to is so that you can see that you have numerous options on how to be present and available in your partnership or marriage. I want you to have to opportunity to be curious about what it is you are a stand for in your partnerships, and then to empower yourself to move in that direction!
Jennifer Lehr, MFT is an author, Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder and creator of WeConcile®– an affordable online DIY relationship restoration program for couples.
Jennifer has written about relational health and wellness as well as healing and living our best lives for various print and online publications. She has written and presented for GoodTherapy.org, a CE course for therapists, Clinician Use of WeConcile® to Facilitate Couples Work. She is on the Medical Advisory Board for LoveWellness.com.
You can find out more about Jennifer at: www.jenniferlehrmft.com
Mike Bosworth has been a thought leader within the field of sales and marketing over the last several decades. He is an author, speaker, entrepreneur, story seeker and sales philosopher.
Mike and Jennifer live on Orcas Island, WA with their two dogs, where they thoroughly enjoy the natural beauty of the Pacific Northwest.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Exercising Divine Will - What For? What is Divine Will & What has it Got to Do with Aging? I don't know about you, but my will is to have thing go my way according to my perceptions and interpretations of reality. However . . . that’s like allowing a 5-year-old to drive a car in downtown LA! Nobody wins!
Many of us are exposed to spiritual and religious principles throughout our lives, and most have similar principles, though their practices are different. Love one another - including yourself, do no harm, and serve God by serving mankind. Gratitude, forgiveness, faith, humility, acceptance, allowance, integrity, compassion. The Dalai Lama said, if nothing else, practice kindness.
Okay - so, bottom-line is: when I’m choosing to not exercise these principles, I’m most likely choosing to act by principles that I have deemed "higher principles" - thus acting according to my will and not Divine Will.
This encourages me to touch on the idea of Karma again, for choosing to act according to my will - deeming myself a higher authority then the Divine, again, is like a 5-year-old driving in downtown LA. It’s gonna stir up trouble, indeed.
Karma, in essence, is the practice of getting the 5-year-old out from behind the wheel and putting an expert in the driver’s seat. Not as easy as it seems - as many of you know already. In the end, nobody wins when we let a 5-year-old drive in LA!
Exercising and strengthening the muscles of allowing and acceptance are the first two biggies to get that 5-year-old out from behind the driver’s seat. It’s admitting the 5-year-old is powerless over knowing what to do in the midst of the calamities that surround her.
As a 5-year-old, I know, or have to learn to accept that there are grown ups with more experience than me who can restore my life to sanity. Yet I’ve known a lot of 5-year-olds who are not willing to give up control. They throw huge temper tantrums in order to stay in control. Actually, I know a lot of grown-ups who do the same thing!
The point of this conversation is that all of us throughout our lives have put the will of our childish-self ahead of wisdom and faith. We do that because we are afraid to trust that we are safe and supported. And, at many points in our lives, especially through the process of aging, we realize we just can’t do it alone - we just can’t do it. We have to surrender our will and turn to Divine Will.
The process of aging ongoingly puts us in life circumstances where we feel defeated, at a loss, and powerless. We can feel isolated, depressed and hopeless. Over and over again we are stretched to leap into faith and trust that something or someone is there for us in ways that are far better than how we are managing our lives on our own. This is big, hairy and scary work. And every human being on the planet is doing it!
Some people will say there is no evidence to support that this practice of living in Divine Will works. Actually millions of people around the world who practice 12-Step Programs for whatever addiction they are living with, will tell you that they are living proof that it works. Turning their will over to a Divine Will has restored their sanity, and it allows them the experience of being supported through all of life’s challenging circumstances.
By the way, exercising Divine Will doesn’t requires sacrifice of anything! It doesn’t require living a life of poverty, chastity and obedience. It doesn’t require giving up any of your dreams and desires. Exercising Divine Will only requires that you willingly choose to put a driver behind the wheel that has experience driving in circumstances beyond a 5-year-old’s capacity to make wise decisions. I'm willing to bet that your inner guru has their driver's license!! Beep beep!!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
All Habits Die Hard My session with Holly yesterday brought up some important stuff in her life and in mine - and inadvertently perhaps, in yours! It's enough to say that, quite often, we habitually be and do things based on principles that aren't the ones we really want to live by! :o
Let me explain:
Last night I had a dream. I was a facilitator of a retreat. The participants were busy doing what is theirs to do. What was I doing while the participants are doing their thing? I was frustrated, impatient, and anxious.
When I woke up from this dream I felt frustrated, anxious, and impatient - as if I were still in the dream. I see myself being this and wonder, "What's that about?"
When I “analyze” the dream, I see that it’s not useful to the participants for me to be in this irritable state. It’s not useful to me either. I realize that these qualities of being are just a habit, and it is where I’ve spent the majority of my life’s energy. Even while on vacation I’m rarely experiencing serenity and peace. I realize that this is one of those moments where I must begin again to walk my talk: to be the peace I want to see in the world.
This morning, as part of my quiet time, exploring this dream and my habits of anxious, frustrated impatience, I was able to create a space beyond that habituated experience. I created a treehouse in my mind with a door in the floor. I crawled up through the door in the floor, gentle closed that door and gave myself a safe nest of solitude and serenity.
I had to be intent in focusing my attention on staying in my treehouse, and in this state of being serene and in peace. My mind wanted to attend to people, places, and things outside of the sanctuary I’d created for myself. I had to remind myself over and over again that I’m on Earth to bring myself to Wholeness. In so doing, I become a reference point for others to do the same.
I know this to be true: If I’m not living in what I know to be true, then how can I expect others (like my clients) to do it?
Today, I have no sessions booked with clients. It’s labor day weekend, and I can relax and enjoy some time doing what I love to do: paint, walk, take naps, . . . whatever I want!
And, I am sure that I will have to focus my attention on staying in a place where I don’t allow anxious, frustrated impatience to control me. If I don’t do it, it’s unlikely that you will do it. And if you won’t do it, it’s unlikely that people you know will do it. So life inevitably will stay the same, and I know, at least for me, that friction caused by my own impatience, frustration and anxiety will cause me far more harm than good. And it certainly doesn’t serve the people I love and play with.
Consciously choosing to be a reference point for others does take focused intent. What does your inner guru have to say about this?
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What Can a Fishpond Teach Us? I have a small fish pond with Koi and gold fish. The nine of them have been together for about four years. They've weathered some severe winters together and keep growing. I don't really know what I'm doing but something seems to be working, because they all seem to be thriving.
The other day, I noticed that Whitey wasn't being his usual self. He was hanging out with his nose pointed down and his tail pointed up. As I moved around a bit, he moved a bit and looked okay, aside from sitting strangely in the water. Later that day as I was observing Whitey, looking for any irregularities on his body or in his eyes, I saw one of the other Koi fish gently nudge Whitey to move.
At first I wondered if the other Koi, Kookoo, was irritated that Whitey was in his way, but it wasn't like that. It appeared to be an act of caring for Whitey. I watched this occur over the next couple of days by some of the other fish too - nudging Whitey a bit here and there.
I did some research about Whitey's condition. One of the suggestions was to put him in quarantine to ensure the other fish wouldn't catch something if it were contagious. I thought about this but then remembered how the nudges of the other fish in the pond seemed to support Whitey. I thought, if I remove him from the pond and his fish family, that might be more traumatic in the end. So, I decided to leave him in the big pond and let nature take its course.
This morning I woke up and went to tend to the fish as I typically do. To my delight Whitey seemed to be back to his normal self again. This made me so happy!
What's the Takeaway from Whitey? We need community. If we become isolated from the world, which can happen in so many ways, we are rarely nudged out of our stupors, patterns and habits that may not allow us to thrive to the best of our ability.
Now, I've been a pretty reclusive individual, however, I'm nudged by all the connections I have with my clients, with the people I correspond with, and through my small group of friends here on the Island. Like Whitey, I'm glad to have these nudges to remind me that my aloneness doesn't mean I'm isolated. I've always got support! How about you?
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Letting Go Requires No Sacrifice Mike and Carol are in their 80’s. They realize that it’s time for them to downsize and find a home that is smaller with no stairs if possible. They’ve begun purging their home of what they know no longer fits in their lives. However, there is so much to consider that it all becomes overwhelming. I know people in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s that can also be overwhelmed with this process of letting go.
Carol and Mike live in a four bedroom home with an office and studio space. Carol says, “We don’t know where we are going or how big our new home will be. I can’t let go of anything until I know what I’ll need to take to fill the new space.” With the knowing that Mike and Carol’s intention is to downsize to a two bedroom home, I gently nudged her, “Carol, since you’ll be downsizing to a two bedroom home, will you need all the bedding, towels and furniture for four bedrooms?” “Oh,” she says, "Just saying that helps a lot! I can let go of what’s in the two extra bedrooms - the dressers and the beds. I just have to choose to let go of what I no longer want.”
In this conversation, Carol and Mike were exploring possibilities of homes and the environment that they are open to. They plan on staying in the same town, they’d like to rent, but would consider a tiny home or trailer if they found the perfect fit. By the way, they’ve always found the perfect fit in the past - why would this be any different?
The intention of this podcast is to share how much easier it is to let go of what no longer works for us when we focus on our truest intent. By staying true to the trajectory of our highest desire - our focused intent, we come to realize that there is no sacrifice in letting go of what no longer fits in this new manifestation of life.
This is a great spiritual principle: There is no sacrifice required to have what you truly desire. And it soooo goes against the views of our consensus reality.
Choosing to downsize, in service to a specific goal, requires that the intention or commitment to that specific goal is stronger than the attachment to “stuff.”
Cranston, an artist friend in Florida told me recently, “I used to sell my paintings for thousands of dollars. Now, because I’m moving to Hawaii in a few months, I’m giving my paintings away. It feels insane, but I can’t take them with me. I’m okay with giving them away, it just feels a bit crazy!”
The craziness that Cranston is feeling is because, like Mike and Carol, he's dealing with the attachment to all the interpretations that are attached to his “stuff.” This is probably the most challenging aspect of letting go of what we no longer require, if we are to move on to the life we are intending for ourselves.
The meaning we make about stuff creates tendrils of emotional attachments that make letting go of anything even more difficult than is necessary. When Cranston remembers his intention to be in Hawaii with a simpler lifestyle, that becomes the most important thing, and his attachment to what used to be true about his paintings fades into less and less significance.
Regardless of a person’s age, each of us goes through numerous transitions in our lives. Whether it’s career, home, partnership, financial, we often face moments when we have to choose to shift what we make significant in our lives and what inevitably needs to become less significant. The process engages us in a letting go of not only physical stuff but emotional and mental stuff too. It isn’t unlikely that one will be pulled into deep emotional experiences, way beyond what they imagined would happen, and they intentionally move in the direction of their heart’s desire.
So, not only is there a purging of a house full of furniture, or paintings, it’s purging thoughts, feelings and body sensations all tied to how we perceive life and ourselves in this life. It’s big work!
Commonly, we underestimate all of what is occurring within us as we shift, change, grow, emerge or unfold into the life ahead of us. Rarely do we consider that even with great abundance and rewards comes emotional and cognitive release. We might find ourselves in need of naps, or times of going to bed earlier or getting up later. We might find ourselves feeling confused and uncertain about what we say we want. It isn’t uncommon for this purging process to pull up memories or beliefs that have been lingering behind curtains. All of this is just part of being an evolving human.
Regardless of our aging, our capacity to quiet our minds and attend to our bodies and our spirit will bring about an easier transition to where you’ve aligned yourself to be. Allowing yourself to let go of doing, and just be you in the midst of this moment, now, will allow you a sense of a greater capacity to enjoy life now, in this moment.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
You Don't Have to Be Smart - You Only Have to Be Quiet One of the most challenging practice for most human beings is to be quiet with themselves, and to listen within the stillness for the wisdom of their inner guru. It’s even more challenging to be quiet when you’ve been stirred by someone or something, which leaves you feeling emotional, irritable and anxious. But, truly this is the very time required to slow down, quiet down, and be present to your wise-self.
Prayer, Meditation and Listening
I’ve heard it said that prayer is when you are talking with God, the Universe, Oneness, letting them know what it is you are wanting, what you are afraid of, and how you want support. Meditation is when you stop talking and be in a state of listening - tuning into your greater wisdom. I like this description!
My experience is that when I’m more tuned into my emotions, my irritability, my anxiousness, I’m ignoring the words of wisdom that constantly flow to me and within me, especially when I need them most.
Last night was a perfect example.
I’d received an invitation to do a workshop in California on Aging Like a Guru. I love facilitating workshops, retreats and trainings, so this initially made me very excited. Then, I experienced an interesting sensation. I felt my heels digging in, and the rise of resistance. Rather than answering the invitation immediately with a “hell no, I won’t go,” which is what this part of me was communicating to me, I said to myself, “Okay, I’ve got some wisdom that I need to pay attention to. Just quiet down, relax, and just be with what is.”
This morning I sat in quiet and listened to all aspects of myself and revealed my fear of losing freedoms to express my creativity and passion. If I take the opportunities to travel, do workshops and retreats, I’m afraid I won’t have the time to paint. However if I stay home to paint, I’m afraid I will lose the opportunity to express myself through the part of me that loves to facilitate and connect with people. It’s a dilemma.
Making the time to be quiet and listen to my inner guru allows me to understand the anxiousness of potential change ahead of me. My reactions come from a part of me that believes I have to give something up to have something else. When I sit in my wisdom, I see how I can actually have everything I want, just the way I want it.
I suspect that you are also challenged by these moments when emotional reactions want to dictate your next move. I encourage you to empower yourself to maybe slow down a bit and listen for the wisdom that you know is there for you.
It's quite a big challenge, especially when you are feeling emotional and reactive + powerless to truly influence your circumstances. But if you can find that stillness, you will find your truth from the wisdom and intelligence of your own inner guru. And that my friends is what it's all about!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Karma? What's That Got to Do with Aging? If you want to age like a guru, then the Law of Karma is going to be good to keep in mind. Why, you might ask? It promotes mindfulness of our intentions. It encourages accountability for what we do, what we say, and what we think. It empowers us to look at how we choose to choose what we choose. Yep, you read that right.
Case in Point: People not showing up!
Alvin is suppose to show up to do some work on the roof of my shed. He isn’t showing up when he says he would. I’m upset. My response is anger, frustration, manipulation. Initially, I’m making him responsible for my upsetness and I want to do something so he will get the message that he’s breaking a promise. I say things like - “Man, Karma is going to bite him in the butt!” Or, “No wonder his life is so hard, he keeps racking up bad karma!” That makes me feel better - sort of.
However, since my intention is to walk my talk in terms of aging like a guru, I decided that rather than attempting to make him accountable for his actions, and justifying my negative responses, this is an opportunity for me to be accountable for how I’m being with this situation with Alvin.
I can hear people say “yes but, he should....” Yes, perhaps he should, but he’s not. And, the truth is that Alvin is in charge of his own accounting of how he lives his life. I can only be in charge of mine.
Any time we point the finger at someone else - expecting them to do the right thing, Karma encourages each of us to be accountable for being mindful of our intentions in pointing the finger, making other people wrong, or for that matter, making ourselves wrong, when truly we're all being the best we can be, given the conditions within which we’ve been living.
When I ask, “What is my intention in making Alvin wrong or bad or evil?” I have an opportunity to see how I’m attempting to feel righteous, powerful, or invulnerable to judgment and attack. When I ask, “What is my intention in trying to get something from Alving that he isn’t open to giving?” I can see that I’m attempting to manipulate him and the situation so that I get what I want no matter what.
Alvin has been a great teacher because over and over again he makes a promise, and over and over again I trust that he will follow through. And, over and over again, he doesn’t show up. He isn’t the first person to attempt to teach me what I need to learn, aka what I need to be accountable for in my own life.
This pattern shows up over and over again. I thought I’d mastered the learning, but, when the teacher keeps showing up, I have to wake up and attend to what’s really happening. Rarely is the learning related to the specifics of the situation. It’s usually a much bigger principle of Life that is needing to be realized.
Now, I practice the intention of living in the spiritual principle that there is Divine Timing and Divine Order to everything. Living into these principles requires that I practice surrendering my will, that I see Alvin in the best light possible, and that I enjoy the beauty that is already present in my life. I am at choice. This is a practice that continually stretches me beyond my comfort zone. It is sooo much easier to just think bad thoughts about Alvin.
But I’m accountable for my choices. I can choose to hire someone else if I want, though not from retaliation, but because I’m ready to have the work complete. There is peace in that. There is serenity in that. There is kindness for all in that.
When I think about the Law of Karma regarding aging, I see that the work isn’t to be a good person, only thinking good thoughts, and doing good actions. It’s being mindful of something bigger - it’s being mindful of the intentions underlying my thoughts, and actions. It’s attending to my highest truths and practicing right living from there.
The advantage of this process of aging is that we continue to have opportunities to figure this stuff out and to experience the fulfillment of actually living life in alignment with our truest knowing. How fun is that?! I'll tell ya: VERY!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
So, You Think You Are Losing Your Marbles, eh? Sliding into dementia, senility, Alzheimer's - call it what you will, is one of those fears that rates high on most people’s lists of Aging Worries. It's part of the fear of losing independence. People even in their 30's are worrying about dementia and losing their mental faculties.
So what exactly is dementia? In a nutshell, it includes memory loss, disorientation, confusion and the decline in thinking and memory skills that may interfere with a person's normal daily activities and social relationships.
An interesting fact - only 1 in 10 people 65 and older have Alzheimer’s disease. This means that 90% of that population don't have Alzheimer's. For people 85 and older - the number rises to about 32%. That still means that of this population, 68% of the people won't have it!
So, to me, this means that the need to worry about Alzheimers doesn't have to take up so much of our brain activity. Paying attention is good, but the worry - not so good!
Fun Facts: A lot of issues that are affecting our cognitive functioning can be caused by things completely unrelated to the dreaded Alzheimer's Disease. Here is a list of possible causes of reversible memory loss:
*Medications for Anxiety, Depression, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Pain, Seizures, Trouble Sleeping
*Minor Head Trauma or injury
*Emotional disorders
*Alcoholism
*Vitamin B-12 deficiency
*Dehydration
Magnesium deficiency
*Thyroid problems
*Urinary Track Infection
*Emotional and physical trauma
*"Foods" We Eat: Sugar, Refined Grains
*Toxins in our foods, air and water
*Tumors
If you are worried, see your health practitioner, get some tests run, and take the steps to get clear of what's causing your symptoms.
Remember that you can make choices that will bring about healthier results for you and your brain. And in doing so you can then relax in knowing you are healthy!
Isn't it good to know that worry and stress are huge contributors to how healthy our brain is and how well it works? That means we have some personal power in this equation!
So, how about this: worry less (yes-choose to worry less!), decrease those avenues in your life that contribute to stress (or hire a coach to help you do it), think positive thoughts, and, begin or continue to meditate. (Meditation is now proven to grow the grey matter of our brains. Winning!)
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
No Matter What Age, Life Is Hard - Oh No! It isn't uncommon, regardless of age, to hear people exclaim, "But it's too hard!"
We don't like life to be hard. We avoid life circumstances when they are hard, unless those circumstance feed our soul and nourish our spirit, but even then we have to be in the mood for it.
Most of our lives are spent attempting to be invulnerable from risk. When life gets hard we risk feeling vulnerable. We feel exposed, incompetent. We think that we should know how to do every aspect of life perfectly. But the truth is, we can't know something we've never experienced before! We can't know how to do something well without putting ourselves through dedicated practice. To learn anything requires intention, dedication, and a willingness to be not good at something until you get good at something.
George Leonard wrote a very short book a long time ago called Mastery. I read that book numerous times because it allowed me to see that, whatever level of mastery you are at, you will still be challenged to master another level. Life, in fact, is a never ending process of learning to be a master of being you.
Aging like a guru means willingly allowing yourself to be vulnerable to yourself as you learn how to learn how to be you. Yep, that's not a typo! You have to learn how to learn to be you. That's hard work! ;-)
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Allow Play - Just for Fun The thing is, the longer you stay on the planet the greater degree is the possibility that you will experience stuff that grows you in ways you cannot anticipate. And, most importantly, be glad you stuck around long enough to have that experience.
I just finished facilitating the “Loving Yourself Into Creation” retreat with my dear friend Margaret Lindsey. Margaret specializes in Conscious Creativity. Her specialization and mine meld beautifully in creating a space for participants to be present to themselves in ways they cannot anticipate. Opportunities to play, play, play with paint, words, talk, and listening to oneself allowed each person to come to choose to participate in their life when they didn’t even know they had a choice.
A retreat such as Loving Yourself into Creation is kind of a mini-course in Life 101. As children, we play and we learn through playing. It requires imagination, creation, problem solving, disappointment, frustration, sadness, and we either learn to hang in there for the juicy good stuff, or we develop an attitude of 'not good enough' and failure.
If we are lucky enough we have people in our lives who listen to us when we talk about our thoughts, our feelings, our wants and our needs. They help us to make sense of our experiences and our interpretations about those experiences. They help us see that maybe what we’ve been playing at, or who we’ve been playing with, just isn’t right for us. They encourage us to find our real true desires - what’s really fun for us, and go for it, no matter what.
Play is hard work and is so important to all of us regardless of whether we are young or old. In fact, the participants in this retreat were all in their 70’s. Each in their own way discovered that how they’ve been playing in their lives hadn’t yet allowed them to live the juiciness of life. They became conscious of how they were limiting the possibility for greater fulfillment and delight. How awesome is that!
For me, I became aware of the interpretations I have about what happens when we age. I recognized the belief I held - unbeknownst to me, that ‘people get depressed as they age. That as life changes and they aren’t who they thought they were decades ago, that their lives become full of sorrow and hopelessness. Slowly they decline into decrepitude.’
I’m learning so much about aging as I immerse myself in the presence of aging people. I get to see how wrong I am about so many things, and I’m so very glad about that!
In play, as in life, we are always making adjustments to the story, in the how’s and the when’s of the unfolding imaginations that are occurring. Many of my imaginations about aging are still stuck in that old paradigm: “Life sucks and then you die.” As I continually play with people who are playing the game of being old, I get to see that we get to make it all up - even now. I get to see that we can have all the fun we are willing to have up to and through our transitions to what’s next! It’s hard work for us grownups, as hard as it was when we were children.
A retreat is just a playground for grownups. Even as a facilitator I get to play, imagine, & grow, joyously following where my heart desires to go. This is the way I believe all life should be for all of us guru-children: playful learning led by our hearts and witnessed and embraced by loving beings.
The point of this podcast is not to sell you on a retreat, but to perhaps discover ways to create a "retreat" for you, where you can play hard at what you love to do, and be present to all the various you’s who show up with you on your retreat. Allow play!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
The Aging Goddess - An Interview with Susie Verde Today I'm visiting with my friend Susie Verde. Susie is Brazilian, 50 years old, and passionate about helping creative women access their unique, authentic self and unleash their unlimited potential through a unique approach to personal transformational. She is an Ordained Interfaith Minister, a life purpose coach, a Positive Psychology Practitioner, and a professional astrologer. Susie’s interest in the wisdom of the Divine Feminine has led her to the south of France many times, in search of the hidden story of Mary Magdalene. Hidden and misjudged by the church for millennia, She now reappears in the collective consciousness offering groundbreaking teachings of how to lead fully embodied spiritual lives, filled with joy and meaning.
Susie will be leading a full weekend retreat called Listening to the Wisdom of the Heart inspired by the Magdalene’s teachings on Oct 4-6th at the Catskills, NY. Please enjoy this aging guru!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Aging Parent Aging Children The relationship you have with your aging parents may not be any different than it was decades ago. There are a lot of assumptions and expectation hidden in any relationship, especially when it come to aging, but more often between parents and their children, who may be clueless about what's going to happen when their parents age.
Sorting all of this out sometimes takes the courage to ask difficult questions and to begin difficult discussions. Otherwise there is a burden of silence that will greatly influence the tapestry of the life of both parent and child.
Being a grown-up to an aging person is big work - it's not for sissies! Sometimes one is thrown into the maelstrom of challenges they haven't been privy to, even though a parent is having serious challenges that need attention.
Listen in!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What Am I Afraid People Will Decide About Me? Regardless of our age, each of us have some core fear about what people will find out or decide about us. And, because we don't want to be found out, we develop strategies so as to hide, pretend, or act the way we want people to see us.
We do this dance of "be afraid and strategize" probably 92% of every day. That leftover 8% is the time within which we may experience freedom, playfulness, relaxation and contentment.
Here' the scoop: Unless we become conscious of this process, our later years of life can be even more worry and less contentment. Yikes!
In this podcast I share my experience with this dilemma in choosing how I want to spend my precious time on Earth.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Depression is So Depressing While scrolling through posts on my Facebook page the other day, I came across a photo of some my friends that was taken a couple of weeks ago. I hadn’t seen them for about seven years but each of them in this photo was hardly recognizable to me. Most of them are in their 60’s. Each had gained at least 20lbs, and each appeared to have lost that vibrancy that made them unique and attractive.
My instant response was deep sadness, as though these people were gone, died, left the planet. Now, I experience a sense of anguish inside, a pain, a loss, a hopelessness and powerlessness, that these beautiful beings are a tiny fraction of our humanity that have appeared to have capitulated their will, but to what? It is as if they have given up and quit trying. The photo could be titled, “This is What Quitting Looks Like.”
This momentary experience has had a deep impact on me. First of all, I can see how I’m headed in the same direction, letting go of caring about myself and my body. Second, I questioned, for myself and for all of us, what is it that allows for this “decline” to occur? Now this is all projection, mind you, but it makes sense to me that something is happening, and I want to know what that is. Inquiring minds want to know!!
Is it Mandatory for Us to Become Rolly-Polly?
I saw a photo of a guy when he was 17. He was thin, strong and loved playing guitar. Today, at the age of 71, he can hardly get out of his chair. His belly is huge and he doesn’t seem to have much to be excited about. This fellow, and those I mentioned above, stir me up - not with judgment, but again with deep sadness.
My context - the way I interpret life, says that each of us has the responsibility and capacity to care for our bodies, our hearts, our minds, and our spirits. When we get sick, it’s an indication that we our not in alignment with this principle. We are not walking our talk, maybe we aren’t even talking our talk. And, truth is, my context of well-being isn’t the same as the majority of individuals, especially in the U.S.
I Think We Get Depressed
I don’t like using the term ‘depressed’; mostly because depression more often than not is a mixed-up package of grief, powerlessness, and hopelessness. It isn’t terminal, it’s rarely a mental disorder, and it is absolutely resolvable - not necessarily with medication, but with presence of mind to the presence of realness of human existence.
Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes our dreams don’t come true. Sometimes our hopes are taken away from us. And, given any one of these scenarios, we feel vulnerable enough without having to feel the despair, despondency, disillusionment of who we hoped we would be. More often than not we say: “I’m depressed, so just give me the pill that will make all of that go away.” Or, “Give me a beer.” “Give me some cake!” "Give me some sex!” “Just give me something so I don’t have to feel me!”
The process of aging for most of us emphasizes the enormity of our ignored-pain. Our bodies begin to create symptoms of our depressed-oppressed-suppressed emotions. Those symptoms turn into heart-disease, liver-disease, cancers and what-not. We go to doctors for treatments of our bodies, while we deny the cause of the symptoms in the first place - the stress of being human - and the choices made to ignore, distract and deny “the ME and my existence” within our bodies.
It’s Simple but Not Easy
People who cure themselves of disease do so by focusing not only on their bodies, but also on their whole-being. They understand that it requires a commitment to being present to all of who they are. They return to their heart’s desire, being creative and playful. They become active again in the ways that delight the young child within. And, even just that shift cures what ails them. It’s very cool!
My very good friends in their mid-70’s got themselves some e-bikes, and they each got one of those smart watches that inform them of how active they’ve been during their days. Over the past few weeks I’ve delighted in the degree to which they have enlivened their lives with riding their bikes, going for picnics, smiling and enjoying themselves in ways that seemed well behind them. They changed their attitudes. They are more spontaneous, and they are having fun together as a couple. They inspire me to be mindful of when I want to settle for complacency, when I want to give up on myself, when I want to ruminate in the powerless-hopeless truth that my life isn’t going to be extraordinary without me participating. I’m not about to get an e-bike or a smart watch, but I’ll be changing my attitude and choosing more mindfully of how I want to, and will be, living an extraordinary life.
I truly believe not only that life is supposed to be fun, but that life is fun. Now, to choose to make it so is totally up to me!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Being the Expression of Our Essential Self Our egos love conflict; in essence, that is all it knows. It fights for survival; again, that is all it knows.
The intention of these podcasts is to empower you to empower yourself to be more at choice as to who you listen to in your head.
The part that says, "You shouldn't want that, you shouldn't like that, you shouldn't feel that way, you shouldn't think that way," counters every natural and authentic idea you have that is true for you.
Did You Know?
Every one of us has the capacity to empower ourselves to experience disempowerment + victimization, as well as the capacity to experience empowerment + living in the choice of, "To thine own self be true."
Aging like a guru requires cultivating awareness to thoughts that ongoingly tell us we are wrong for what we want, desire, think and feel.
It requires that we be curious about, discover, and own the truth that we know exists for us.
We are always at choice to empower ourselves to live into our essential knowing. It is very exciting and fun to choose to listen to who we truly are, rather than listening to what consensus reality wants us to be. That, perhaps, is one of the greatest gifts of aging.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Fear of Dying Makes Us Afraid of Living Death is one of the most influential concepts that seeps into how we live life.
Death is a transition, much like the many transitions we experience throughout our lifetimes. When we look back, we can see all the times we've died - or at least our identity has died - and our attachments to what was got annihilated, by controllable and uncontrollable circumstances alike.
Yet we have the incredible ability as humans to grow our capacity to transition gracefully through whatever Life throws at us. Including death. But for that to be possible, we have to be willing to notice, observe, and awaken to all the incredibleness of who we are inside these bodies.
Listen to this episode and be curious about how you do life, and you will invariably grow your capacity to die with grace when that is what Life brings you.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I'm Not Afraid of Aging; I'm Not Afraid of Dying Part of aging like a guru is letting go of being afraid of aging, and letting go of the fear of dying. There is no aging of our Spirit. There is no death of our Spirit. Listen in to hear more!
ACISTE - www.aciste.org
Books:
Testimony of Light by Helen Greaves
Thy Son Liveth by Grace Duffie Boylan
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
How Do I Choose to Choose What I Choose? We are constantly choosing what we choose. Did you know that?!
Sometimes consciously, other times unconsciously-but we are always choosing!
Most often, however, we tend to focus on what to choose and rarely focus on how we choose to choose what we choose.
This podcast explores how each of us live in a process of choosing that gives us the results that are in front of us, which are not necessarily the results we'd like to have in front of us.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What Would You Do If You Knew You Could't Fail? Age! A long time ago, this question was popping up in self-empowerment materials: “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” One particular day, I closed my eyes and felt into the question, “What would I do?” The answer came swiftly - not from my thinking mind but out of the depths of my being: “I would sail around the world by myself!”
I was shocked with this answer, because, even though I sailed across the Atlantic in my 40’s, with my boyfriend who had a very large and beautiful sailboat, and at that point in life anticipated sailing around the world because it was what we were going to do together, it rarely entered my mind to do that under my own volition, by myself, no less! But, the point of the question wasn’t necessarily to do something that you couldn’t fail at; the point was to tap into that place within that is fearless, and where failure is impossible.
Today, as I was preparing for this podcast, I was imagining the various things people say they want to do, once they are retired. Travel seems to be a big dream for most people. Personally, I rarely imagine myself traveling because I hate all the details required for traveling. I hate all of the choices I have to make and all the possible parts of the journey that could go wrong. But, today as I imagined myself retired, I experienced myself on the ocean, peaceful and content, not hating anything. This time, I was on a cruise ship. This time, I had all the comforts of home while still seeing the world. This time, feeling safe. Instead of years, I would do it in six months - that felt right! I went so far as to google cruise ship companies that provide such possibilities. That’s a big deal for me. My life on Orcas is simple and I like it that way. To consider such an adventure made me smile. Now I have something on my bucket list!
This little romp of imagination delighted me. And, I find it fascinating that it mirrors a previous notion to sail around the world.
I Can’t Fail at Aging
I used to be afraid of everything. I used to say no to so much of life because I was afraid of all the things that could go wrong. And, because I was someone who was highly shame-based, any thing that could go wrong I would take as a failing on my part. It’s one of the reasons I gave up sailing - too many responsibilities, and too many potential opportunities for things to go wrong. It was best to let go of ‘continually imposed upon me’ opportunities to feel bad about being me.
The cool thing is, the longer I’m on Earth, the more opportunities I’ve been given to let go of my fears of being me. What a gift! I believe it’s the gift each of us is given - to freely engage in knowing ourselves fearlessly - even if it’s just through our imaginations.
Aging, like cruising around the world, is an adventure - failing is not possible. It’s not possible because an adventure is full of twists and turns that bring the unpredictable as well as the predictable. Each one of us is on our unique human adventure through this process of aging. If we look through the lens of how we will fail while on this adventure, well, we might as well end it all right now! And, that’s what some of us try to do. But in truth, we can’t not be in this adventure of life and aging until the moment of death.
The Wisdom of No Escape
While sailing across the Atlantic, there were many times in those three weeks that I wanted the boat to pull up to some dock so that I could get off! I was scared, though there wasn’t any real danger imposed on me. I just didn’t want to be in that circumstance any longer. However, the wisdom of no escape allowed me to discover who I was within that situation. If I could have escaped, I would have missed exquisite moments being with the boat, with the beauty of the ocean and sky, with the people who shared this time with me. But mostly, I would have missed the opportunity to be me with me. I would have missed the opportunity to learn ways of being me with all my fears, frustration, and anxieties. I would have missed opportunities to train myself to be with difficult and sometimes life threatening situations. I learned how to be with those moments when there was nothing to do, nowhere to go; where depression and boredom could take over if I let them. Sounds like aging, doesn’t it?
My deepest intent for sharing my thoughts through these podcasts is to offer you a frame or a lens through which to see yourself while you are on the adventure of your life. You have an enormous capacity to live it fearlessly - no failure required. The adventures of each day provide you with moments where you choose to feel the fear and then retreat to safety, or you choose to feel the fear and then dare yourself to consider doing it anyway. Even imagining yourself doing it differently brings you into a different experience with yourself. How awesome is that!
“A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” — John A. Shedd
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
The Courage to Change the Things You Can Through my group at the Senior Center here on Orcas, it has come to my attention that most individuals are aging with an addiction to thought patterns that actually create isolation, loneliness, hopelessness and dis-ease. This is no different than those of us who become addicted to substances and behaviors that create isolation, loneliness and hopelessness.
In all cases there is a fear of abandonment or rejection if one were to share their authentic experience of being human and going through this sometime insane experience of existence. So we learn to be secretive, to deny our true thoughts and feelings and continually use substances, behaviors and thought patterns that, if only for moments at a time, alleviate suffering.
My client Pam is 68. She goes to doctors and medical appointments 2-4 times a week. And most of what she wants to talk about is her physical symptoms and how no one seems to know what to do to fix or heal these symptoms. On the inside Pam feels helpless, hopeless and powerless; however, rather than allowing herself the truth of what she is experiencing and being with the discomfort of these feelings, she thinks and talks about her physical circumstances and goes to medical visits - even though none of that is truly empowering her to be well.
The symptoms of decline that we experience as we age are generally considered "normal" due to aging. It’s part of the paradigm of a system that is sickness-conscious, not health-conscious. Our whole “healthcare” system is dedicated to keeping people focused on what’s wrong, what’s not working, and that out there somewhere is the magic bullet, the magic pill that will bring about a miraculous cure.
Dr. Kelly A. Turner wrote a book called Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds (2014). In it she shares the findings of her research of thousands of individuals who’ve experienced what we think of as spontaneous healings or miraculous cures of cancer. Though these individuals used many different healing modalities, there were nine key factors that every single person included in their treatment plan. They are:
- Taking control of their health
- Following their intuition
- Using herbs and supplements
- Releasing suppressed emotions
- Increasing positive emotions
- Radically changing their diet
- Embracing social support
- Deepening their spiritual connecting
- Having strong reasons for living
Only two of these key factors are related to food, medicine, and supplements. The other seven key factors relate to empowering oneself to engage differently with themselves and their world, and to make choices that will alter their levels of self-respect, self-trust and self-control.
Instead of feeling disempowered by a disease and unquestioningly turning our power over to medical practitioners who have a very narrow view of what heals the body, we each have the capacity to empower ourselves to change the way we see ourselves and the world, as well as the way we engage with ourselves and the world. This is key to creating a life of well-being, regardless of our age and our physical conditions.
I believe that what Dr. Turner reveals about radical remissions of cancer are necessary factors of symptoms of any dis-ease, and aging itself. Further, the negative thoughts and fears around aging creates dis-ease, which inevitably creates decline, perhaps sooner than is required.
Scientific research has shown over and over again that increasing positive emotions and increasing positive thoughts does create healing and well-being in our bodies. So why is this not part of every treatment plan for every person working with their health practitioners?
We may not be able to answer that question, however, that doesn’t stop us from creating a self-healing practice of our own utilizing these nine key factors that Dr. Turner speaks about so clearly.
To age like a guru we need to attend to every aspect of our being - not just the physical being. We have access to tons of information that supports the utilization of these factors, so to access that information is easy. To empower ourselves to practice these factors is totally up to us. We each have the capacity to make choices that will bring about well-being. And as always, I encourage you to just get curious about what you are willing to shift or change in order to have the life you want as you age and change. It’s all up to you! How great is that?
"Have a Great Day, Unless You've Made Other Plans!" (an AA Slogan)
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Death by Aging: Failing to Thrive You are the culmination of all incarnations of life on Earth. You are the pinnacle of evolution of your ancestors. You are the highest evolution of all of your incarnations.
What’s that like inside of you as you take that in?
For me, when I read this for the first time, I thought “Oh no! I’m Doomed!” Then, I took a breath and began to sink into the goodness of this truth.
You carry in your DNA the traumas of your ancestors. That’s why many of us are triggered easily by even the thought of violence, rejection, or betrayal. Our circumstances today for most of us in first world countries have so little life-threatening implications, yet we live in fear of the potential horrors that have devastated our ancestors in the past.
For thousands of children in orphanages, death occurred and still occurs because they were not held. On their death certificates it says, “Failed to Thrive.” My experience is that many of us carry within us this experience of being left and minimally cared for, until the despair was too much.
I think that death by aging happens more because of this experience of not being held. Isolation, feeling forgotten and insignificant, depletes one’s connection to what is around them. Losing hope and meaning, it’s easy to become despondent, and the point of living becomes irrelevant to just disappearing into the ethers.
Suicide rates have increased by more than 30 percent in the past 20 years. More men then women commit suicide, and interestingly, elderly people tend to be more successful in carrying out their attempts.
Much like orphanages for children, long-term care facilities, for some, become an environment where there is nothing to live for. Any environment a person finds themselves in that cannot nourish the human spirit, will bring about depression and a failure to thrive.
Research has shown, over and over again, that one’s inner environment is the one that truly matters. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl shares the importance that hope and meaning played in the lives of many who survived the Holocaust. To live is to suffer. To survive, one needs to find meaning in the living and suffering.
This is big work for all of us as we lose so many of the freedoms that we thought youth gave us.
As I’m inspired by the various aspects of aging that arise, I realize more and more the importance of this internal environment - where our inner guru resides. To nourish the relationship with our inner guru - our own true self - we need to train ourselves to create meaning that fills our days with delight. The greater degree of truth and meaning that we have access to, the greater our capacity to experience joy in life, regardless of our circumstances and environment. This takes discipline to train ourselves to let go of our ancestral patterns and grow our capacity to know the beauty, love, and harmony that is here in the present moment. It takes training. Lots and lots of training!
As infants, we didn’t have the capacity to nourish ourselves or to create comfort for ourselves. As we age, we do have that capacity - we just have to nurture that capacity so that we experience fulfillment through the end of this incarnation. It is absolutely worth the effort!!!
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Be the Legacy You Wish to Leave Behind The topic of Legacies is a big one as part of the aging process. What will you leave behind for your family, community or the world at large? Wills, trusts, foundations, charities all are in line for your financial treasure.
We all want to be remembered after we're gone. Personally, because I have children and a grandson, I want to leave a legacy for them. What will it be?
Initially, I decided that I want to leave them a connection with nature, because for me that’s one of the most important relationships we have on Earth: our connection to Earth herself. But Nature may not have the same sense of importance to them as it does to me.
After meditating more on my personal legacy, it has become apparent to me that the legacy of love and kindness are really the most important gifts to leave behind.
Think about it: so many people come to coaching because they feel unfulfilled. Through coaching they hope to figure out their life purpose: the legacy they wish to leave behind when they die. “I want to do something that will leave the world better than when I got here," some say. They think it’s something they have to do - some service or product they will create in order to leave their mark on the world.
The kind of life coaching I do empowers people to untether themselves from their interpretations about themselves and the world, in order to empower themselves to see what is theirs to do. Most of us have a huge amount of resistance to seeing that the way we see ourselves and the world is the foundation of what is possible in regards to the fulfillment of their human-spirit. Their resistance slows them down, and, too often, they are frustrated because it takes longer than they thought.
In Shakespeare's Hamlet, Polonius says, “To thine own self be true.” To strip away anything that is not self will reveal not only who we are, but also enable the experience of serenity and peace with who we are. We experience peace with everyone else too.
That's a pretty valuable legacy to leave behind, don't you think?
Whether through spiritual practices, work, therapy, coaching, life lessons in general, if we willingly reveal who we are, then we have less investment in how others will see us. We are less concerned with being vulnerable to attack or rejection and just be who we are. We stop thinking about who we want to be and how we want to be and instead focus on who we are in this moment. We discover a place within where peace resides.
Passing this on can only empower others to do the same. Therefore, this is the legacy I wish to pass on to the world. Be Peace!
What will your legacy be?
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I'm Not Giving Up What I Have for What I Want
So many people in the world - especially in the U.S., sacrifice their health and well-being for financial security, stability, and identity. One person in particular - Suzie, is having major health challenges. Despite all of the medical and alternative health practitioners that she has seen, nothing is helping her heal.
What Suzie wants from our coaching sessions is to get healthy.
Suzie's work-life balance is currently 80/20. In our coaching conversation, her body reveals to her that if would like no less than 70/30. Though this may not seem like much of a shift, Suzie felt a level of peace and relaxation she hasn't experienced in years.
So what is Suzie willing to shift in order to have this level of peace and relaxation, and health?
Guess what? Nothing! She doesn't want to give up what she has for what she wants. Her health and well-being are taking a backseat to her career. She is in a dilemma! How will she choose to choose?
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Many of us want what we want, and we don’t want to give up what we have. Listen in to hear how Suzie faced the dilemma!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
"I Have No Time for Serenity...As If I’ve Got Something Better to Do” In a few minutes I have a meeting. I want my day to start as I usually start my day with reading and being contemplative - feeling into serenity so that I'm in it all day long.
However, in this particular morning, there isn’t time for serenity. I have to make preparations for this meeting. “Oh, I’ll just do a couple of these things on my list, that should be fine, then I’ll get back to my serenity.” I grumped my way through each task and ended up doing all of them, not feeling serene or happy that I'm fully prepared for my meeting.
I’m noticing how I grump my way through a lot of my life tasks, as if I’ve got something better to do. Whether I’m brushing my teeth, weedwacking the back yard, preparing a podcast, there’s a voice inside saying, “Hurry up! We’ve got more other important things to do than this!"
With this new podcast series, seasonal things to take care of, clients and other aspects of life to attend to, I find myself in a state of angst more often than not. It is a state that is 180 degrees from serenity and peace. I know this place well - the state of angst. I thought I had it licked. But by the very nature of adding more items to my plate, the thought, “I’ve got to get this all done asap,” wreaks havoc with serenity? What's up with that?!
I wonder how many people say to themselves, “I can’t wait to retire so I can lay back and relax. I can live without the nagging obligations, and once and for all experience the tranquility and peace I truly desire.”
I shared this inner dialog with some friends of mine who are retired and are in their 70’s. They shared my sentiments of always anticipating what needs to be done - or even what they want to get done, and the grumpiness that is prevalent regardless of what they are doing. And, they added that they know so many people who are retired that aren’t doing the things they want to do - in fact so many people that don’t know what it is they want to do, and so they grump their way through everyday tasks. They believe that someday they will be doing what they want to do. Until then, they will just have to grump.
Truthfully, it’s not the doing of things that is the problem; it’s the thoughts that underlie how we do what we do. And, over decades we have trained ourselves to live in the angst of so much to do - so little time. Unless we attend to this addictive pattern we developed and see it's not the busyness that leads us to angst, but the way we live with the busyness.
Every recovery program, regardless of whether its for substance abuse, workaholics, codependency, or Adult Children, the 12 steps and the Serenity Prayer are seen as foundational to recovery. And, at the same time, when I hear people speak the 12 steps or the Serenity Prayer, it is usually in the manner of a droning, as if saying the Pledge of Allegiance - there’s no connection or passion with the words being said.
It’s as if they haven’t yet had the direct experience of serenity. It’s as if they have not allowed themselves the moment of seeing what they are powerless over, and where they can courageously choose to empower themselves to change the things they can. It’s as if they’ve never allowed themselves to know of the wisdom the resides within - their inner guru, if you will. So they feel trapped in feeling powerless over their state of angst.
Restless Irritable Discontent (RID)
In the AA Big Book, there is a phrase that basically says that the cause of all of our addictions is restless, irritable discontent. When I heard this I knew without a doubt that this was true. It was an epiphany for me personally and allowed me to begin to notice when I’m in a state of RID, and what addictive patterns I use to reduce the RID. This was one of the many beginnings to recovering and reclaiming serenity in my life.
But what is the source of our restless, irritable discontent? My experience personally and professionally is that the source more often than not is a thought and belief that says something like, “I should be different than what I am. That if I were different I would feel at peace, I would know what to do - always, and I would do the right thing at the right time, and I’d never make mistakes. I would never hurt anyone and I’d be safe from bad things happening to me.” Well, that seems pretty hopeless, doesn’t it?!
In some ways, most of us are addicted to living in RID. Few of us truly know the experience of serenity, and fewer of us still live there most of our lives. That, in fact, is what has me currently be in my grumpiness. It’s as though I fell off the wagon of serenity and didn’t even realize that it happened. It’s as though I’ve returned to bingeing again on overwhelm, stress, and worry that I can’t get everything done on time.
My biggest fear when thinking about being more active with Podcasts and such is that I’d have more to do and I’d have less time in serenity and peace. And here I am, in the midst of what I feared most, which leads me to grump my way from one activity to the next.
Yesterday I had a session with my coach, and through that time with her I recovered some of my sanity and some ability to see that I’d forgotten that I can empower myself to let go of what I can’t change and can’t fix, and can’t make happen on demand. That was a relief. And, this morning the Serenity Prayer popped in, and it was as if a light went on. “Oh yeah. I lost my serenity. I know how to find it and bring it home again.” And, that’s what I did!
So many aspects of what we call "aging" creates restless, irritable discontent. We feel powerless and hopeless, and grumpiness is an undercurrent of our lives. It’s as though we should have a 12-step program for aging (Aging Anonymous) that allows us to reclaim who we are and to recover our natural state of being - Peace and Serene.
As we age like gurus, we have the capacity to create that space of serenity and peace. I find that doing so transforms my state of being so that, whatever I’m doing, I’m content - not grumping through my life. I have no doubt that we are never too old to learn to make time for serenity.
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Stop Working So Hard at Trying This morning I had the delight to hang with my friend Joy for an hour. Joy is a joy-bunny. Her work on Earth is to play and create. She would be on the cover of my book Playing Like a Guru if I were to ever write that book. Joy is light, beauty, exuberance, and love, all wrapped up into one being.
However, all that Joy is - light, beauty, exuberant, and love, lives within the armor of should, shouldn’t, worries and constraints. She has the wings of a butterfly, yet is encased in a metal chrysalis.
At the magnificent age of 67, Joy is ready for what’s next. She has been working in the same job for 4 years, and she is ready for what’s next. She is planning, or attempting to plan, where she will go from here.
Joy did a timeline of all her jobs and careers. She shares that what was most fun was that which came without planning. When she just allowed herself to not try so hard, amazing adventures showed up. Not adventures like canoeing down the Amazon River, or doing some expedition in Africa. I mean the unfolding of the unexpected.
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A client of mine, Garret, who is in his 50’s, shared a similar theme a few months back. Garret is this beautiful being that feels pressure from the world to be something he isn’t. He worries that if he isn’t doing what he is "supposed to do," then he will end upon the streets. He has another 10 years before he retires from a job that drains his entire being. And, as much as he wants to leave this job and do something that nourish his soul, he is scared!
Another one of my very favorite people on the planet, Mandy, is slowly extricating herself from what she is afraid to lose: safety, security and stability. Like Joy and Garret, Mandy loves to be immersed in joy, beauty, and fun. And like Joy, and Garret, Mandy judges herself as foolish and frivolous to think she can have a life that isn’t constrained by the principle of "work hard and you will be rewarded."
Several years back I wrote a book called The Unholy Path of a Reluctant Adventures. It’s autobiographical in nature. As I was writing this book I saw the specific times that I was called to specific actions, people, and places. Like moving to the Province of Nova Scotia and leaving my job as a therapist to sail around the world. Then, doing a Ph.D in Transpersonal Psychology, studying Spiritual Guidance, then coaching, then moving to Orcas Island.
I saw that the times that I followed the calling, where my intuition so strongly led me towards a road less traveled - that’s where my life filled with joy, love, beauty, exuberance and prosperity! I have no regrets in following these callings.
I also listed those specific times where I made the choice to take action, and didn’t listen to my intuition. When I didn’t listen to my intuition and made choices that didn’t necessarily include any sense of Divine Intervention, the outcome did not provide me with joy, love, beauty, exuberance nor prosperity. In essence, in those moments I followed the "shoulds" of our consensus reality. It was a choice made from a logical, mental orientation. And the bottom line of that story was: “WHAT WAS I THINKING?” Even though some very beautiful beings were created by following my logical thinking - my children, I had huge regrets!
At the end of the book, I made a list of all the times I followed my heart, my intuition, my calling. And, I made a list of all the times I followed my head, my logical, rational, side of me strategizing to get what I thought I wanted and needed. Guess which list I want to add to, till the day I die?
It’s Never Too Late to Dream Big
So this morning, Joy reports that she made a list of all the jobs and careers she’s had in her life, trying to figure out where to go next. I asked, “What if what you are to do has nothing to do with careers and jobs? What if what’s yours do to doesn’t fit into the normal reality of life?” You see, Joy is always trying to fit in, even though the truth is she isn’t meant to fit in! Truthfully, I believe we are never meant to fit in. We are meant to listen for that which will guide us into being the fullest expression of our essential nature. No one else has ever, ever, ever done what we have come here to do. So, truthfully, we are never meant to fit in. Not one of us!
In my most favorite book ever, Oneness by Rasha, Chapter 31, the notion of the innocence of the dreamer is hammered home to my being. I’d say to my brain, but that isn’t where my dreamer exists.
Chapter 31 talks about how we as children dream with full potentiality, until we begin to put limitations and parameters on what is "reasonable" to dream.
Then we live into the dreams of what we think is possible, putting all sorts of limitations on what is possible. “I’m too young, I’m too old, I’m a woman, I’m Gay, I’m uneducated, I have children, I’m lazy, I procrastinate, I haven’t any money...."
Over the years I’ve been training myself to let go of limiting my dreams by what I perceive as real. I’m training myself to return to the innocent dreamer who has not one single constraint in the way of realizing who I am in my fullest potential. This is the arena within which I’m working really hard. I put in a lot of discipline because I’m committed to learning how to live beyond the constraints of what I thought was reality.
Joy, Garret, and Mandy are on that path too. Even though they are living in different decades of life, each is training themselves to listen for their heart’s desire. They are training themselves to feel into the resonance of their intuition. They each have experienced Callings in their lives, and have followed those callings. But to make a career out of living that way feels daunting; yet it is where their truth lies. They know that. And, they are still unsure if they can choose this way of life, one day at a time.
Joy’s mom, age 91, when asked if she was done dreaming, exclaimed, “Hell No! There are so many things I dream of doing. I would love to go back to school - there’s so much more to learn.”
Regardless of our age, each of us has the capacity to dream, to dream without limitations, and to perhaps incrementally take steps to bring those dreams into fruition. There is no age limit. We just have to be willing to stop working so hard at trying.
The trying comes from our attachment to being safe, secure, and stable every moment of our lives. Trying means that we are attached to knowing how things will turn out before we even begin. Trying is lying, as a very wise person once told me.
When I’m trying, I’m lying to myself regarding the degree to which I want to truly live into love, beauty, exuberance, play, and prosperity. And, so I continually attend to when I’m working hard at trying, and I then return to training myself to let go of what I’m afraid to lose. (By the way, Yoda said this in Star Wars.)
When we stop working so hard at trying, something else shows up. This doesn’t mean that what shows up isn’t going to challenge us. It means that the adventure that arises is met with a little more openness, a little more curiosity, and a little more courage to maybe think or dream differently.
I say take advantage of every moment we have on Earth. For me, there is so much to be curious about. This is a very fascinating place to be, if we just stop working so hard at trying!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Letting Go of What for What? Self-help materials all encourage people to let go of patterns, habits, and behaviors that aren’t getting them the results they want: more happiness, health, wealth, love. We hear it all the time: “just let go and good things will come to you!”
When it comes to aging, the conversation is no different. We are continually barraged with ads and infomercials that tell us we have to let go of the ways we’ve been doing things, and we have to do them differently: eat right, exercise, meditate, be more social, develop healthy habits, take supplements, and so much more.
My solution? Well, my friend Nicole and I are creating a retreat, bringing women of all ages together to immerse themselves in “Aging Like Nobody's Business.”
Nicole is in her 50’s and going through menopause. She said something really important regarding aging, menopause, and the shifts that are happening for her. She said, “The hardest part of this process is wrapping my head around who I no longer am and who I’m afraid I’m becoming.” I love this. I see this to be one of the fundamental practices of aging like a guru. In essence - let go of who you were so you can embrace who you are becoming.
For the first half of our lives we long to grow up and develop into our potential. Then there is that moment where what seemed to be only growing potential is now a steady decline - the bloom is off the rose. Where there was excitement, now there is anxiety, depression, fear, and grief. Or not!
My client Carolyn, who is 67, shared today that she is almost paralyzed by the anxiety that arises when she thinks that someday she will die. She wanted coaching today around the inevitability of dying. Yep, in Life coaching, we focus on every aspect of Life up to the very last nano-second!
THE BIG FAT BE WITH
In the coaching world we have a saying: “That’s a big fat be with!” There are so many aspects of life, so many circumstances that we have no control over - in essence this is a big fat be with. We are immersed in life’s dramas, with no way out, no healing, no solutions, no miracles. It appears that we have to let go of the ideals, the dreams, the hopes and wishes that we are going to be saved from ourselves and from our circumstances. But letting go is just another big fat be with.
Letting go requires a leap of faith from where you are now in your beliefs and fears, to somewhere else. That leap of faith requires faith in something that you haven’t yet allowed to be true, present and real for you - a platform or foundation strong enough to hold you when you leap.
A good example is Carla who is 75 and a hoarder. She has been warned many, many times that she will be evicted because her apartment is a fire hazard. Yet she can’t let go of her stuff, and so she may end up on the streets. Carla doesn’t have faith that by letting go of the boxes upon boxes of memories, there will be something better for her. Her faith is in her belief that she won’t be evicted.
No faith - no letting go!
We have faith in so many aspects of reality. We have faith in banks, in our families, in the people who hired us, in our 401K. We have faith that the foods we eat will keep us nourished - even though research says the opposite. Surprisingly, or perhaps not, we put a great deal of faith in our beliefs rather than in our intelligence. We even put faith in war, though we all talk about wanting peace.
So coming back to letting go . . . it’s all about discerning what it is you are really letting go of, in service to what you will be open to receive.
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Going to the circus as a child I was mesmerized by the trapeze artists. The person would grab onto the trapeze, swing out over a large expansive abyss, or so it seemed, and just at the right moment they would let go, knowing that they would be caught by a person on the other trapeze. They let go because they trusted they would be caught.
When I imagine myself up there on a trapeze, I see myself inevitably letting go because otherwise I’ll be swinging on that one trapeze for ever. Maybe that’s all I want. And at various times in my life, that is all I wanted - the safety and security of the known. But then when I realized that I wasn’t fulfilled, I wasn’t having fun, and I wasn’t feeling as though I was living in my greatest potential, I decided to look and to see that others who have leaped before me, were surprised and amazed with what happened because they took that leap. If they could do it I figured I could do it too!
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Many years ago, I had a dream that I was in an 8x8 ft room on top of a fortress that went on for eternity! My choice in the dream was to either stay in this room for eternity, or to jump and fall for eternity.
That dream has been with me as a teacher, because it is so rich with possibility. You see, if I envision myself as imprisoned inside this 8x8 room, I’m not free to experience the full potential of such an environment. However, if I shift the way I’m interpreting this room, from prison to something else, and let go of the perception that I'm limited by my circumstances, then I am free to experience bliss, curiosity and empowerment within my choice to stay.
Looking at the other option, if I envision myself leaping out of the window of this structure and falling for eternity, then I perceive that I will be in a constant state of fear and terror. Again, if I shift how I’m perceiving this situation from falling with no end, to perhaps being in the potentiality of sprouting wings, or riding the currents, or having fun learning how to fall in a gazillian different ways, then bliss, creativity, fearlessness and awe are available to me.
The point of all of this is that in order to let go of what we are afraid to lose, we have to have something as good or better to step towards. And we only have to have enough faith to take us to the next step on the journey.
So many people I know won’t take action on a particular problem because they can’t see the end result as positive, so they do nothing. I totally get that, and at the same time, to let go of the belief that you have to know the end results opens up possibilities that are beyond imagination.
As we age we are confronted with so many issues that, if taken at face value, could crush our human spirit. Essentially, as Nicole shared - it is really hard to wrap our heads around who we no longer are and who we are becoming. This be-with is a constant throughout our human lives. And to allow ourselves only one simple yet profound question, "who am I inside all the changes, inside all the declines, inside all the endings?" To ask, “Who am I?” liberates us to choose in ways that may not yet allow letting go to happen.
There are no answers. There are no "3 Ways to Let Go of What You Are Afraid to Lose." Each of us have to come to these ways of letting go for ourselves. Having a thinking partner, such as a life coach can be really helpful. I totally trust that you will find your way to being you in your fullest potential as you learn to let go.
Enjoy the adventure of being you!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Dying - What Choice to I Have?
"The Person Who Dies With the Most Toys Wins!" ~anonymous
When you read a book, especially a novel, and you’ve stayed attentive and engaged to the very end, you want that last sentence to stay with you forever! A great writer might even craft the whole book around the very essence of this exquisite, rapturous moment.
Each of us are crafting our lives consciously, and to some degree unconsciously. Throughout our days, years, and decades we create an undercurrent of ideas of where we are headed. We may be entrenched in circumstances beyond our control, where uncertainty undermines our courage. At other times we feel as if we are experiencing Heaven on Earth, when life couldn’t get any sweeter. All along the way we are writing the ending to our story.
A few years ago, I was going through some really deep work. It was one of those moments where I prayed to God that I would fall asleep and not wake up. As challenging as this time was with despair and desperation, so much wisdom came to me too. There was no escaping the process so I figured I might as well stay in it.
This one night, I asked myself, “Since I can’t control when I die or how I die, I choose to control the experience I want to have while I die. So, what is the quality of the experience I want to have in that last final moment?”
The response seemed to come easily from somewhere outside myself: “I want to die with love in my heart.” “Wow! That’s a nice answer.” (I talk to myself a lot, especially when immersed in these deep dark sessions.)
I then became curious about what it would be like to die with love in my heart. What would that be like to hold every person I know in complete and utter love? And so I began to imagine loving people who don’t necessarily love me, and those who are really hard to love, and those who love me for who I am. It was as though I began to write the final moments of my novel - my life.
Since then, like most of us, I often find myself revisiting thoughts about dying, how afraid I am of suffering, of dying alone, or dying terrified of the uncertainty of the end. And I remember that I can’t control any of that, so I can once again bring my focus on dying with love in my heart. This practice always brings me peace, because I have certainty that when that final moment comes, I’ll have practiced the steps to experience the exquisite fulfillment of love into my heart. Cool, right?
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To see more blogs, books and videos from Dr. Rosie, or to sign up for coaching, explore her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
David Bennett Interviewed David Bennett experienced numerous spiritually transformative events including a near death event that changed his life - as you can imagine. David experienced being immersed in an ocean of light, meeting his soul family, and receiving a life review, before getting kicked back into his human body. David tells his story in Voyage of Purpose: Spiritual Wisdom from Near-Death back to Life - one of my all-time favorite reads!
David and I have been friends for many years. I thought, "What better person to talk about aging than someone who has, in essence, been to Heaven and back?"
How does David experience aging from the perspective of his spiritually transformative experience? Listen to this episode to find out!
This podcast is about 17 minutes - because we had so much to say about aging like a guru!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Aging Isn't About Aging - What? "Be yourself - everyone else is already taken," . . . ever hear that quote before?
In the previous podcast I mentioned David Bennett and Cindy Griffith-Bennett and their book Voyage of Purpose. I’m on my third read of this book. The stories of David’s Near Death Experience and the unfolding processes he grew through over the years always awakens something in me that I hadn’t heard in the previous read. I find that there are some books that stay on my bookshelf - the ones nearest to my attention, so I can continue to pull the wisdom to me over and over again. Voyage of Purpose is one of those books for me.
In Voyage of Purpose, David quotes Joseph Campbell. “Where there is a way or a path, it’s someone else’s way.... I have a theory that if you are on your own path things are going to come to you. Since it’s your own path, and no one has ever been on it before, there is no precedent, so everything that happens is a surprise and is timely.” (Campbell, 1991)
If you are open to considering the truth of these words, or if you know this to be true, and you practicing living into this, I believe this is where miracles happen. I know it is for me.
I titled this Podcast Aging Isn’t About Aging - What?. Aging, like any other context or life is about letting go of what others have said and done before you. It requires thinking for yourself and deferring to no one else.
Anita Moorjani, David Bennett and thousands of individuals who experienced Spiritually Transformative Experiences, which include Near Death Experiences, share that life on Earth is a unique experience for each of us. We are here to discover our own unique path - that road less traveled, as Scott Peck writes about.
I’ve taken the road less traveled myself, and as challenging as it has been, the surprises that are for me, and are mine alone, are so worth it!
If we look at aging from the perspective of our consensus reality, we see the path well worn and littered with beliefs and judgements focused on the inevitable dependency on the medical, insurance and pharmaceutical support - ‘till death do us part.’ This is a path that most of us will walk - because we are told this is the only path there is. So many of us are afraid to stray from this path, and so we limit our awareness and our choice-making to only this.
A long time Orcas Islander, Emily, who lived to be close to 100, shared with her friend Barbara, “Don’t ever take the path of pharmaceuticals - it will kill you!” I was fascinated by this statement and so appreciated Emily’s clarity and conviction. Emily walked her own path in so many ways. Her life was full of joy, love and wonder up to her passing.
In the AA tradition, I would say “I want what she’s got!”
I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks - probably since I began working on these podcasts. This should be really fun and easy, and it is fun and easy. And at the same time it’s really challenging. I’ve been struggling with a sense of loss, a sense of grief and emptiness. It’s not a happy feeling. It makes me just want to lie done and ignore life.
In reading Joseph Campbell’s words - “Where there is a way or a path, it’s someone else’s way....” I realized that this is what is occurring for me. I’m beginning, again, to walk a path that is mine alone. That although there are lots of podcasters in the world, lots of information about aging on the internet, lots of do’s and don’t of how to age, I’m compelled to walk the path that is mine alone.
The way I coach, the way I live, the choices I make, is almost always self-directed, in alignment with something other than consensus reality. At the same time, I’m always wanting to do it like other people do. I want to be like everyone else, having a sense of belonging that my less than wise-self believes is true. I walked on the “tried and true” path for decades and I never felt comfortable in my own skin. What’s the point of being in my skin if I’m never feeling happy in here?!
I don’t know about you, but the magnetic pull of my intuition, which always feels like inspiration and like I’m being guided by my highest-self - my highest-truth, has me taking steps on my own path. Sometimes it feels really uncomfortable. It is full of uncertainty and self-doubt, the fear of aloneness and inevitably I’ll die! I question whether I’m really hearing correctly, and maybe I’m making it all up. It is a dilemma! Inevitably, I experience those timely surprises and confirms I’m on the track with my own path. Over time, it become easier, and my happiness grows exponentially!
Here’s the deal - it’s scary to choose to follow the tried and true of our consensus reality. And it is scary to choose to walk your own path. Either way it is scary. Either way you are presented with life choices that reveal that you are at the crossroads of your awakening into self-empowerment.
So aging isn’t about aging. It is about standing in your truth, standing in your knowing, standing in your courage, standing on your path being scared and alone - sometimes, but knowing that you are given the potentiality to live a life that is unprecedented. Being extraordinary, because you are! And you are never alone!
I’m grateful that over the years my inner guru continually speaks to me in a way that I can hear. Even though I live alone with my dog Gracie, I can share with you that there is more conversation going on between me and my inner guru than if I was living with someone else. I’ve experienced more loneliness when living with others that I do living alone with Gracie and my inner guide.
So that’s it! I encourage you to be curious about how often you think about taking alternative and less worn paths, but hold back from making that choice for fear of....
There’s nothing to do differently. There’s no choices to make. Just noticing how you be in your everyday crossroads, how you choose what you choose will be a big enough adventure for you, until you are ready for more ease, more surprises, and more alignment with your inner-guru.
And, you are never alone!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
For Voyage of Purpose by David Bennet and Cindy Griffith-Bennett, click here!
Resonance is the Sweet Spot of Aging Gracefully What are you listening for? Where are you listening From? For those of you listening to this podcast or those I’ve previously broadcast, I suspect that you were attracted to something that resonated with you. Something engaged your curious mind. Something engaged a knowing, a familiarity, a resonance with a part of you that is looking for confirmation, looking for connection, that knows of your inner guru, or perhaps desires to experience collaboration, union, and harmony as much with another as with yourself.
The intention of these podcasts Aging Like a Guru - Who Me? is to deepen the listening that occurs within you, so that you more willingly tune into your own personal guru channel.
Each of us has a listening for something. We tune in to music channels and people talking channels because we are looking to sit for a few moments in the resonance of a familiar tone, a familiar languaging, a familiar message. When we tune into a channel to learn something new, quite often unless what is being taught resonances with you on some level, you won’t take that specific learning on as yours.
It’s a funny thing that throughout our childhood, we are taught that learning occurs only in the brain. The truth is, and I learned this only while working on my 3rd Masters Degree and Ph.D., that only when we’ve had a direct experience - a resonance with what is being taught - can we truly integrate that information into our system. Direct experience occurs in our bodies, through our bodies, through a knowing that resides in every cell, in the meta physical levels of life.
The Learning Pyramid reflects studies that show that you will generally retain only 5% from what you are listening to, and only 10% of what you read. And, we retain 75% of what we learn by practicing and doing, and we retain 90% by teaching others. I think this is really great information, because it reflects a truth not only about how we learn in an educational environment, but also how we learn to be in life too! We have certain patterns we follow and resonate with, and that’s how we do life.
My friend David Bennett wrote a book called Voyage of Purpose. In Voyage of Purpose David wrote about his near-death experiences and the learning and practice that evolved because of these experiences. I go back to David’s book over and over again because so much of what he is saying resonates with me. His relaxed story-telling style of writing invites me into his life. The story that he tells engages my desire to have a vicarious experience of what he is sharing. I don’t want to have the near-death experience, but I do long for the level of light and love that he experienced, and for the learning that occurred for him. Furthermore, his teachings inspire me to engage a greater degree of devotion and dedication to my relationship with my spirit-self, my inner guru.
As I wisen up and listen to my inner guru, I choose more carefully who I hang out with in all areas of my life. If the resonance doesnt jive with my well-being, I’ll pick up and head to a more peaceful place, or a place that allows me to experience me - being myself.
Why am I telling you this?
I’m telling you this to acknowledge - as much for myself as for you, that you are listening for a resonance of being that allows you to feel into yourself, into your truest nature. You are listening for a resonance of truth - not my truth, but a truth that rings true for you. You are listening for an experience that creates an Ah-Ha moment, within which you find yourself breathing more deeply than you have for a while.
As you listen for something that resonates for you, you are also listening from a place in you that desires recognition, confirmation, and a clarity of knowing that wishes to say, “HELL YES! I Knew That All Along!!!”
As we go forward, one foot in front of the other, progressing through this human process called aging, we have the opportunity to listen for and look for the resonance of that Hell Yes. We have a gazillion opportunities to practice living into every moment as a “Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep!!! That place within us, the place from which we listen, delights when we experience the resonance of our personal truth. It is a wonderful moment of harmony and union.
Now, I know that you may not stick around for more podcasts on Aging Like a Guru - Who Me?, if there isn’t a resonance. My words may match what rings true for you. Your “Hell Yes” resides somewhere else. That’s a good thing to know! I only ask that you keep being open to what you are listening for.
The best part about aging is that I can declare for myself what is true for me, much more often than I used to. And, I no longer defer to anyone else what I know to be true! I want that for everyone. It’s the best feeling in the world!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
For Voyage of Purpose by David Bennet and Cindy Griffith-Bennett, click here!
For the Learning Pyramid, click here!
Dropping Your Identity of Hope Today, I was imagining what it's like to be me with no hope attached to what I do or don’t do. What an interesting moment.
I realized the degree to which so much of who I’ve been being and what I’ve been doing has been related to hoping that the outcome would be in my favor. Having lived in hope for so long, I can tell you it hasn’t been a fun and easy ride. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone!
I grew up in a large Catholic family, my dad was a doctor, we belonged to the Country Club, and I was considered the beautiful one in the family. I trained myself to create an identity that would be appealing and not be off-putting to anyone. I wanted to ensure my safety, security, and the belief that I was worthy of love and protection.
As young children, most of us don’t know who the heck we are inside our little Earth suits. We watch what others are doing, emulate some and do the opposite of others. We train ourselves to be who it is safe to be, and we train ourselves to be what we believe will keep us safe, secure and protected. We live in hope that we are enough. Enough what?
Am I worthy of my own expression?
Few of us live in families that encourage the fullest expression of who we are naturally. Instead we learn to compensate for our lacks, our unworthiness, our unlovableness, our undeservingness - hoping that we can pull off some role or identity that will, like I said already, keep us safe, secure and protected.
A client of mine, Michael, turned 51 not so long ago. Michael is a recovering addict. More than recovering from substance abuse, Michael is recovering himself from a life of physical violence and emotional neglect and abuse. Yuck!
Michael took on an identity of a tough guy in hopes of safety, protection and security. He was a member of gangs, and hurt people badly. He also did really stupid acts, in part, he admits, to maybe kill himself, and partly to show off. Because Michael was hurting so bad inside, he hoped that by taking on this identity as a tough guy, he would be respected, appreciated, and belong. It didn’t work.
Now Michael is on this side of 50! And, our work together has been a process of reclaiming the abused child, the angry teenager, and the adult looking for love in all the wrong places.
Michael is letting go of these identities of hope, and it scares the pants off of him. And though it’s scary, Michael is discovering his true self. He is slowly integrating this true self into his everyday life. And, in doing so, to his surprise, he is being embraced by people who see him in his beautiful self, in his loving, playful expressions, and in his heartfelt presence. More importantly, he is appreciating who is inside all of the hoping, all the acting, all the roles he hoped would bring him love and safety, but didn’t. He is discovering compassion for himself. “How strange!” he quips!!
One last thing about Michael. He realizes that 98% of his life has been spent doing things for the wrong reasons. As he lets go of his identities of hope, he is having a lot more fun just being himself.
As we age, no matter our age, we have moments when we realize that all the things we’ve done, all the ways we’ve been acting and being, hasn’t kept us safe from certain realities of humanness. Fame, fortune, intelligence, athleticism, power, sex-appeal-- none of it keeps us from experiencing the inevitability of discovering that no matter what we do, we cannot escape ourselves. This quite often is the moment that a midlife crisis begins - a crisis of faith. This the bad news and the good news.
The longer we are on the planet, the more time we have to discover the fullest potential of being who we are. The crisis of realizing that hoping isn’t useful at all in providing us safety, security and protection, is the beginning of a very empowering adventure. FUN!!!!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Who's Your Savior?! Everyday we put our faith in many, many people, organizations, and things such as banks, our employers, our families, our doctors, our cars, insurance company.... The list goes on and on! My question for you today is, "What's the degree to which you put your faith in you? How safe do you feel making choices that impact on your health and wellbeing as you age?" Here are some thoughts about that!
For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Heal - The Documentary can be found at: Netflix
Anita Moorjani's book What If This Is Heaven? Can be found here!
A New Lease on Life at 70 - Who Me? Harriet and Daniel met while working in the financial industry. They’ve been married 20 years. Both in their 70’s now, they clearly state that who they are now is so different than who they were 20 years ago.
Harriet shares that she was all business - saying that that is what the banking world is - all business and very little heart.
About eight years ago, they came across a particular network marketing company, which they initially took on as a business, with the mindset of serious business people. And over a very short period of time, the experience they were having with the company and the people they were serving opened their hearts. Harriet shares that Daniel isn’t the person he used to be. He would never hug anyone before, and didn’t really smile much. Now he is incredibly happy getting out of bed and seeing what the day brings.
How I came to meet Harriet and Daniel is through this network marketing organization that they are passionate about. When I met Harriet almost two years ago, her eyes sparkled and her whole being vibrated with love and generosity. And she still does today. She is very clear this isn’t who she was in her previous life as a banker. Harriet remarks that she had no idea she had such a capacity for love and connection.
Harriet and Daniel weren’t looking for a new lease on life. They weren’t interested in changing their attitudes, or participating in any self-discovery programs. But here they are, thrilled with their lives and going strong. Harriet shares, “I wake up every morning feeling younger than I did the day before. I’m so excited to see what life has in store for me today!"
So why am I sharing this story about Harriet and Daniel? It’s not to suggest you quit your job and join a network marking company. I’m sharing this story in support of saying that there are so many people who are happier later in their lives than they ever expected to be. They found themselves. Is that really possible?
Are Harriet and Daniel lucky? Are Harriet and Daniel Blessed? Or, did they somehow make choices later in their lives that brought about this possibility of discovery and living into happiness? I believe it’s the later!
My belief is that luck and blessedness are available to every one of us. What allows for what we call luck or blessedness to show itself in all the ways it does, is the attitudes that empower luck to be perceived and acknowledged.
If I don’t believe luck exists, if I don’t believe blessings rain down on us all the time, then I will never recognize its expression in the world.
I hear quite often from clients, “Oh, I believe luck exists, just not for me.” So when good thing happen to them - which is so much more often than they can acknowledge, they are blinded by their belief: “It doesn’t exist for me.”
Our Guru within would probably see it differently!
A few years ago, when I was on the Mainland, there was a barrage of experiences in which I experienced a sense of blessedness. Little things like traffic lights turning green instantly, getting the perfect parking spot, getting an unexpected super deal on what I was buying, and even seeing a traffic jam on the highway and somehow finding my way through it all effortlessly. This happened a number of times, so I came to the conclusion that, when I went off Island I was blessed!
Well, my curious mind said, “well if I’m blessed when I go off Island, am I not blessed when I am on the Island?” At first the response was, “well I have no evidence that I’m blessed when I’m on the Island, when I’m home.” Then my guru within asked: "Well, it sounds as though you assume you aren’t blessed on the Island. Could that keep you from experiencing the blessings that are present?” Hmmmm!
So I decided to practice anticipating the presence of blessings and luck. I chose to see anything out of the ordinary as a blessing, - an eagle in the sky, seeing a friend at the store. I opened myself up to seeing beauty and delight where before I was closed. Even when things didn’t go the way I anticipated, I chose to see this as a blessing - that somehow something great would come about! And inevitably, something good came out of what seemed to be impossibly not good!
Harriet and Daniel are blessed and lucky because they chose to be open to the possibility that luck and blessings are always and everywhere. They were open to exploring potential abundance, and found an abundance of love and joy to exist within their hearts. I think that is pretty cool!
Leaning into the possibility that joy, fun, and abundance are available for each of us, regardless of our age, allows us to begin to look into our world for what is good, what is joyful, and what is a blessing or a lucky coincidence.
A newfound lease on life is then available to you. Who me? Yes You!!!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
The Unexpected Retirement Psychosis So many of us look forward to retirement, but we are not necessarily prepared for meeting the unexpected unfolding that greets us. Few have prepared themselves for the big event. Most don't give it much thought until they find themselves at loose ends wondering what the Hell life is all about!
As Gurus who are going through an aging process, it may be wise to create time to consider what it is that will be showing up when that eventful day is presented to you!
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For more blogs, books, videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Not By the Hairs on My Chinny-Chin-Chin! Hormones are magical! They can make us feel powerful and sexy, and they can make us feel old and decrepit. I've got so many hairs on my Chiny-chin-chin, that I sometimes feel like a billygoat!
Hormones are essential to our physical life cycle, to our mental capacities, and so much more. And, how we be with all of the ups and downs of the evolution of us in this life cycle can truly challenge one's sanity!
Tune in to hear how to appreciate your hormones as they change with aging.
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interesting in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Who's Driving This Bus? Few of us see ourselves as our vehicles - as our cars, for instance. We know we are an individual being who gets into our cars, or buses, to get to where we want to go. If our car has a flat tire, we don't think "I have a flat tire." We can separate ourselves from our vehicles.
But yet it is so common for most of us to think that we are our bodies. Fascinating! Tune in to hear more about who is driving your "bus."
For more blogs, books and videos, or if you're interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
I'm Only 40! Is This Me Aging? Hailey turned 40 years old eight months ago. Today in our coaching session, she's grappling with choices regarding career changes and what that will mean in terms of her body potentially getting more round and saggy if she is less active.
"Is this me aging?" She asks. "Am I going to turn into a frumpy, dumpy, menopausal woman, with hair on my chin and all? Is that what I've got to look forward to?"
Hailey has a lot to look forward to. So much more than her fears tell her. Tune in, and discover what's available for Hailey and for you!
For more blogs, books, videos and more, or to find out more about coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com.
We are Never Too Old To.... We are never too old to put our big-people's panties on! We are never too old to grow ourselves into our fullest potential. We are never too old to bring honor and dignity to our own lives. We are never too old!
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For more blogs, books and videos, or if you are interested in coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, visit her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Sexy in My Sixties - Who Me? As our bodies shift and change, especially as our hormones shift and change, our perspectives and perhaps identification as a sexual being also shifts and changes. Or do they?
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Generally, who we are within the relationship we have with our sexuality - our personal desires and preferences, pretty much stay the same, regardless of the anatomical functioning of our bodies.
I propose that honoring the importance sexuality plays in one's life never has to change. Choosing to express yourself through your sexuality is a beautiful experience regardless of your age.
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For more blogs, books, videos and more, or to find out more about coaching or training with Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com.
My Life is Going to Hell in a Hand-Basket
“Many sensations come, many thoughts or images arise,
but they are just waves of your own mind.
Nothing comes from outside your mind.
To realize pure mind in your delusion is practice.
If you try to expel the delusion it will
only persist the more.
Just say, 'Oh, this is just delusion.'
And do not be bothered by it.”
– Shunryu Suzuki
My friend Daisy, who worked in hospice for many years, shared with me that most people make the greatest spiritual advancement in the last few weeks of their lives. I find that fascinating!
In the book Oneness, I recently read...
Many feel a reluctance to step into uncharted territory, when the reality of what is transpiring becomes obvious. And after all the work has been done and the destination is in view, it is easy to suddenly question all of it! For it is one thing to have intellectually grasped the concepts that have been presented and to have gone through the motions of putting them into practice. It is quite another thing to begin to embody the heightened energies and to experience the quickening that accompanies it. (Pg. 363)
Though this paragraph is referring to nothing specific, it resonated for me with the process of aging. We are journeying through life on a trajectory of completion. However, as we near the end stages we feel reluctance, resistance and a great desire to avoid that whole arena of living and dying. It’s like dropping out of college just months before graduation.
The Transformational Process Called Aging
One is often unprepared to anticipate the feelings that accompany this stage of transformational process called aging. As we approach the threshold that appears to separate us from life on this planet - we call this 'death' - we are at choice as to how we want to prepare ourselves for this phase of the journey.
Most of us are thoroughly unprepared for the potentiality of what awaits us in the Golden Years of our lives. I remember complaining to my chiropractor years ago - probably when I was in my 50’s - that I wasn’t as excited about long hikes as I had been in earlier years. That I was afraid that I was getting weak and flabby. She responded with, “You aren’t supposed to be as physically strong as you have been. That’s what this next phase of life is about. Stop worrying about it!” I got what she was saying, but I didn't like it yet!
In this next phase of life, we are on more of an inward journey. It’s less about being of service to the world through productivity, and more about being of service to the world through stillness, contentment, serenity, and peace.
Of course it’s important to maintain health and well-being; and, as our abilities decline, we have greater awareness and access to our human spirit-self. We have an opportunity to experience compassion for who we are, what we’ve gone through, and all the perceptions that brought us into this specific condition of aging. We can witness the journey of becoming. We can review our regrets, our resentments, and accept that perhaps in the physical world, this is as good as it gets. Yes, grief is part of the process - a huge part in fact. And, all of it is essential to the unfolding of You through this process of living.
Cultivating awareness of who we are inside this physical vehicle grows our capacity to be at choice about what we want to focus on in life.
As an analogy, we enter college, or careers, preparing ourselves throughout for the completion - graduation or retirement. We consciously choose the focus of our attention so that in the end we have fulfilled what we’ve come here to learn and do.
Though many of you may consider yourself a spiritual being in a human experience, I would say the majority of you have yet to be clear about what you are actually here to learn in this Earth University. You have yet to declare your major and devote yourself to the tasks of learning what is yours to learn.
Aging, for me, is a spiritual practice. Just like parenting, creativity, mediation and yoga, service, and all forms of partnerships. Here is one area of life where the heat is turned up - the intensity of learning opportunities arise and are inevitable. Mortality must be faced, or not. The acceptance of impermanence stares you squarely in the face. This, like the aforementioned, is the playground for Gurus in the making!
Though not speaking specifically about aging, yet certainly relevant to the process, Ram Dass, an American Spiritual Teachers says:
“One way to handle extraordinary experiences is to be neither horrified nor intrigued by them. The Tibetan Book of the Dead refers to the ten thousand horrible and the ten thousand beautiful visions. In the course of meditation [Aging for example] you may meet them all: powers, great beauty, deaths, grotesqueries, angels, demons, all of it. These are just forms, the stuff of the universe. You confront them on the path just as you meet all manner of people when you walk a busy street. Notice them, acknowledge them – don’t deny them – and then let them go. To cling to these heavens and hells, no matter how beautiful, slows your progress. Not to acknowledge them, or to push them away, is just a more subtle form of clinging. Follow the middle way. As stuff arises in your mind, let it arise, notice it, let it go. No clinging.”
Aging like a guru brings you to yourself and allows you to choose how present you can be with what is.
There is no right, wrong, good or bad. Just embracing the truth of You existing now, is a great leap in faith. A leap that most of us won’t dare to consider. Who thought aging could be such an amazing adventure? Who Me?
To see more blogs, books and videos from Dr. Rosie, or to sign up for coaching, explore her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
What Does It Take to Age Like a Guru? Whether we are aware of it or not, within every one of us resides Buddha nature - every Buddhist will tell you this. Every guru recognizes the truth of this statement, and with great devotion, reveals and lives into their own personal Buddha nature.
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Every one of us budding Gurus are doing this too - perhaps without too much devotion or attention, however, we're all on the path to awakening to ourselves.
In this episode, I’ll share four elements of Guruing that I bet you know about, and perhaps consider practicing. Here’s a little nudge to inspire maybe a little more intentional practice, and a little less “I’ll start tomorrow!”
To see more blogs, books and videos from Dr. Rosie, or to sign up for coaching, explore her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com
Hating Yourself Through Aging - Who Me? Even though every single being on the planet is aging, we are all having a very unique experience of the world and our reality while we age.
As I mentioned in the previous podcast, there is a part of us that doesn't experience aging at all. We feel ourselves to be eternally youthful, vibrant, energized. And then we look in the mirror, or down at our arms, and we see our bodies looking wrinkled, sagging, and just not how it used to be. These moments confront and contradict our sense of truth of who we are.
Wait a minute! What's going on?! This is where most of us begin to feel frustration, anger, despair, and even powerlessness.
What if we could say, "In this moment I am me! And, in this moment my body is informing me that change is occurring, and I'm powerless to do anything about it." This dilemma, this powerlessness, this existential moment is what Aging Like a Guru will address.
Though it sounds depressing, scary, and anxiety-provoking, we are all experiencing these dilemmas daily. How we choose to be with these thoughts, how we distract ourselves, how we avoid the truth of our aging, how we deny or ignore the reality of this human process, is very personal and very precious. Yes, precious!
We can hate ourselves for aging - though we really aren't in control of the whole unfolding of the physical process.
We can experience hopelessness, powerlessness and despair - these are all very natural human qualities that are part and parcel to existing within this Earth-suit.
Or.... we can choose to experience curiosity about who you really are + the full potential of the You in this bag of bones, and, well, now you have the makings for an adventurous life - one that you can empower yourself to be in, consciously. This is the beginning of your journey of aging like a Guru.
To see more blogs, books and videos from Dr. Rosie, or to sign up for coaching, explore her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com