Marriage Talk w/ Sam Malone & Robert Cossick: Recent Episodes
Sam Malone & Robert Cossick
Every Friday Sam Malone takes a break from his show's political focus to discuss with Robert Cossick the sanctity and beauty of marriage. The discussions are lighthearted and the advice is practical and encouraging. Listen to past discussions here, then join us each Friday at 8:35 CST for another great discussion.
399: The U.S. spends approximately $2 Billion a year on road markings, the most prevalent being lane markings. While you can’t really quantify the safety benefits of these markings, it’s generally safe to say that lane markings play a critical role in helping drivers safely operate their vehicle by identifying the boundaries of each lane. ‘Lane' markings can play a critical role in you marriage as well with regards to boundaries you should respect for a great marriage.
398: Marketing refers to ways companies promote a product or service and there are four main elements to a good marketing strategy known as the 4 P’s: Product, Price, Place, and Promotion. Every spouse has a need for certain products, so we want to help you learn how to market those products at home.
397: Setting aside the debate about the cost of her getting her hair and nails done, not noticing that she got them done can be pretty bad. Why is that bad? Because it’s likely that when you were dating you noticed a lot of things about her including when she changed her hair, or had her nails done. If she’s mad that you didn’t notice those things now, it’s usually because she feels you don’t notice anything about her.
396: For Rocktober we started with classic rock songs that offered ways to have an even greater marriage. Then last week we went a different direction and had some fun identifying songs you wouldn’t want to dedicate to your spouse. For the last Friday of Rocktober, we want to inspire the best part of marriage and bring in a few songs that will rock you all the way to a romantic evening.
395: The Rock n Roll era produced some great love songs that are often incorporated into weddings and anniversary celebrations. We’ve covered a couple of them already this month. However, we thought it would be a bit more fun to talk about songs you may ‘not’ want to dedicate to your loved one.
394: Released as a single in 1976, 10cc’s song, ‘The Things We Do For Love’ made it all the way to No. 5 in the US, and became the band's best-selling single. This song is about the ups and downs spouses face in their marriage. With that said, lets look at a couple of the song’s lyrics…
393: This week’s song is Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns N’ Roses. It was originally released in 1988, and is the band's only U.S. #1 single. While the song’s lyrics contain a traditional love message of his feelings for his girlfriend, it’s the ending of the song we want to focus on today where Axl asks the question, “Where do we go from here?”
392: When the student becomes the teacher the learning goes through the roof. In this segment we are going to create a marriage tip together. Many different resources are available to help with developing marriage tips and in this segment we tend to use all of them such as case studies, polls, and personal experiences. There are also more lighthearted approaches including analogies, and play on words, all of which are wrapped up in a blanket of creativity.
391: Two great quotes: “A goal without a plan is just a wish” and “Never confuse effort with results” These statements are critical in all aspects of life because without a goal and a clear plan to achieve that goal, our efforts will be inefficient and likely to fail. Your efforts will also have no basis for learning how to do things better next time. Goals and plans are not needed for everything, but when it comes to the bigger things, such as turning around a marriage or making a great marriage even greater, clear goals and plans are essential.
390: Carrots are definitely healthier for you but eating cake is more fun. However, a diet of just carrots or just cake will not be healthy or fun in the long-term. The same is true of marriage, an always serious marriage or a marriage of nothing but silliness will not be beneficial to the health of your marriage long-term. Remember: A positive action or habit taken to an extreme becomes a negative.
389: I this segment we discuss How to Live in the Moment. Looking back and remembering times past is not a bad thing unless you find yourself often wondering what life woulda, coulda, shoulda been like if you had made different choices. That’s referred to as ‘living in the past’ and it will do virtually nothing positive for your marriage. Rather than living in the past, we suggest you live in the moment instead. Why? Because now is all you have control of.
388: We believe God, who created marriage, should be included in every marriage. With that said, there are the traditional verses about loving and respecting each other, encouraging each other, and speaking kindly to each. But, there are also a few more lighthearted verses as well. Here are just a couple of historical laws and definitions to hopefully bring a little laughter to you today.
387: “A simpler, less stressful, less complex life is something everyone desperately wants to believe is, one day, going to become a reality. It’s the hope and anticipation of some future event that keeps that dream alive…The problem is, those events come and go and life never seems to get simpler. In fact, life gets more complicated as time passes.” In this segment we discuss: How to Simplify Your Life.
386: When you experience emotional sadness, it’s because you actually care about the other person and what they think about you. In this segment we discuss situations which ‘can’ cause emotional sadness and how to address them.
385: How to Grow Through the Breaking Point. Your breaking point is the point at which you decide enough is enough and something has to give. By ‘give’ we mean something has to change, the status quo is no longer acceptable. At the breaking point there’s really only two options. You can choose to fight for your marriage and commit to fixing it, or you can choose to give up and walk away, the choice is yours.
384: When you’re married, there’s nothing ‘innocent’ about flirting with others. When you do that, you’re seeking the attention of and emotional connection to someone other than your spouse. That’s referred to as having an ‘emotional’ affair. The best way to avoid being drawn into an emotional affair with someone else, is to redirect that desire by flirting with your spouse instead.
383: Contrary to Hollywood and the mainstream media’s attacks on marriage, most people are genuinely pro marriage. In fact, most of the marriage controversy has nothing to do with the institution of marriage but rather what constitutes a marriage. Nonetheless, people want to be married. That prompts the question, “Why?” Reminding yourself why you wanted to be married will help get you back on tract to a great marriage.
381: The institution of marriage was designed by God with the union of Adam and Eve, Genesis chapter 2 verse 24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Marriage in and of itself is fairly simple: love, respect, and honor each other. When we confuse choices with feelings the simplicity becomes complex and that can turn a marriage upside down.
380: Neuroplasticity is the capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behavior in response to new information, sensory stimulation, new developments, or damage to the brain. For us non scientific nerds, Neuroplasticity is the ability to teach an old dog new tricks.
379: We will all fail our spouse to some degree or another and, unfortunately, we’ll experience that emotion more than a few times during our marriage. And even though we know it will happen, it doesn’t change the fact that failing still stinks, especially when we fail someone we care deeply about. Failure gets even more complicated when we confuse Guilt and Shame.
378: Nobody likes getting sick and no one likes to be inconvenienced, but unfortunately, everyone gets sick and being sick creates all kinds of inconveniences for those who are sick and those taking care of them. So, how do you deal with being inconvenienced by a loved one who is sick?
377: Concrete makes a great foundation for all kinds of structures. It’s strong, resistant to wear, and holds up well under stress. 4 Components in a Concrete Foundation applied to a great marriage foundation.
375: “You're All I Need” is a great cliché and sounds good on a card, but what does it really mean when your spouse says it to you? That question gets even more complicated when you factor in figurative meanings. With that said, we simply want to incite you to think about what you really need and want from your spouse. Needs and Wants to Consider…
374: The Biblical book of Proverbs chapter 13, verse 20 provides the following guidance, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Who’s in your Circle of Influence? Are they people who will help you have a great marriage, or will they point out the worst of your marriage?
373: Introverts can be fun too, but only if you understand their personality and how they best interact with others. Dispelling Myths About Introverts
372: Everyone has a dream. Maybe it’s of the perfect vacation, or a home on a lake, or to bring that fire back in your marriage again. So, what do you dream about? While dreaming is generally a good thing it can actually have a positive or a negative impact on your marriage. The difference is in how the dream impacts you today.
371: Like their names suggest, primary emotions are the emotions you feel first (immediately after encountering a trigger) and secondary emotions are the emotions you feel after your primary emotions. In this segment, how to distinguish and respond to both.
370: We all want to avoid being hurt emotionally, it’s why some topics are packed tightly away, never to be discussed. Unfortunately, that option doesn’t actually avoid pain, it merely shifts the underlying issue to other areas of your marriage, such as lack of trust. Alternatively, each time you address a pain point you have an opportunity to heal it.
369: Most couples connect their spouse’s current actions with their historical actions as an indicator of, ‘Here we go again.’ However, that approach may be setting your marriage up for a guaranteed failure because the intention behind the past and current actions may be completely unrelated. Jumping to conclusions can destroy your marriage.
368: Blaming someone is an attack against them, while understanding what happened is an opportunity to improve your relationship. So, how do you tell the difference? It all depends on whether we’re talking about You or Me. Not about who is at fault, but rather who is the focus of the discussion.
Valentine’s Day is Monday and it’s a day when we’re ‘commanded’ to express our love, especially for our spouse. However, it’s also a day that’s often filled with disappointment when our expressions come up short of our spouse’s expectations. While we shouldn’t need a card company to tell us when to express our love for our spouse, Valentine’s Day should be a day when we express our love for each other in a more meaningful way. In this segment we discuss, How to ‘Honor Your Valentine’ on Valentine’s Day.
365: Even a great marriage can become greater, therefore, every marriage can get better. Why is that? Because it’s impossible for two ‘imperfect’ people to be perfect, so there’s always room for improvement, even if it’s only minor tweaks. So, whether your marriage is on the brink of divorce or you’re just interested in seeing how much more marital bliss you can achieve, the starting point is the same, you set a baseline.
364: couples who ‘actively participate’ in church and ‘actually exhibit’ faith based principles in their everyday life, the divorce rate is substantially lower, around 3%. In this segment we discuss, Why Active Faith Protects a Marriage.
363: Honor is a non-negotiable in a great marriage, you must honor your spouse. But what does that really mean? Honor in its simplest terms means to have high respect and great esteem for someone. In this segment we discuss, How to Show Respect and Esteem for Your Spouse
362: Last week we noted that Love is key to a great marriage but friendship is the fuel that sustains your love for each other. This week we’d like to circle back around to Love and discuss what Loving Someone really means. To do that we need understand the different types of Love.
361: Yes, love is important for a successful marriage and so are those warm fuzzy feelings for each other. However, a really strong friendship will be the fuel that drives and sustains both of those. In this segment we discuss how to build a great friendship with your spouse.
360: In this segment we discuss great communication. A survey of divorcing couples indicated 73% say a lack of commitment is the reason, while 45% also blamed unrealistic expectations. I think we can conclude from those statistics that communication is the real culprit. Maybe they just don’t know how to express their commitment and expectations in a way their spouse will understand.
359: How to Fix a Boring Marriage. We are strong advocates of continuing to date your spouse, but what do you do when your date nights become mundane? You should date other people. Not seek a different physical person, but rather look for a different emotional connections to your spouse.
358: In 1971 on his first studio album, Billy Joel introduced the song, She’s Got A Way. In the song, Billy sings about her presence. In this segment we discuss how to be emotionally attractive to your spouse.
357: Overthinking is when you dwell on something or replay a situation over and over in your head. That process typically leads to a distorted view of motives. An example could be, your spouse says something that offended you. You then replay the conversation over and over in your head. This leads to a fabrication of their intent for saying what they said. This in turn generates unwarranted anger and/or resentment towards them and from there it only gets worse.
356: Believe it or not, the dishwasher is a major stumbling block for couples. According to a survey by a major appliance manufacturer of its customers, couples most frequently argue about whether or not to rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.
355: How to deal with literalists who constantly correct you. You know who we’re talking about, that person who has to be sure every detail of ‘your’ story is accurate enough to be used as a deposition. Example: You: “Then a blue car zipped in and took my parking spot” … Literalist interrupts: “Actually, it was more like a powder blue car.
354: In the Invisible Gorilla experiment, observers were asked to watch a basketball game and count the number of times the ball was passed between members of the same team. In the middle of the game, a person in a gorilla suit walked across the court. When questioned about the gorilla after the game, only half of the observers said they saw the gorilla. The gorilla study illustrated that when we are hyper focused we can be blind to the obvious.
Back on Segment 222 we asked you to give your spouse another chance if they were willing to fix the marriage. But, what if you’re already divorced, would you ever consider remarrying your Ex? Most everyone would say, “Absolutely not.” However, Mr. Cossick would encourage the complete opposite response. In this segment we discuss why you should remarry your Ex and how to date your Ex.
352: The 'Marriage Talk' segment actually began in May 2011 and was brought to this station in 2013 when Sam joined the Salem radio platform. When the segment began, it focused mainly on current events related to marriage. By tip #104 the segment had become much more structured and we introduced the Hot & Heavy tip. We are now on segment #352 and running fairly smoothly. Why are we strolling down memory lane? Because the segment’s beginning, its journey since then, and its current status can be a great example for the marriage lifecycle as well.
351: With most things in life, there comes a point where things either begin to get easier or conversely, things are only going to get worse from that point forward. In either case, you’ll likely hear the phrase, “It’s all downhill from here.” Two questions come to mind: When do you reach that point in your marriage, and at that point does marriage get easier or more difficult?
350: We give unsolicited marriage advice every week on this show but that’s different than unsolicited advice given directly to a spouse or a couple. So the question becomes, when is it appropriate to offer unsolicited marriage advice, to whom should you offer it, and what should you do if they reject your offer to help? We discuss all three on this segment.
349: Who doesn’t love enjoying a great meal. Food fuels the body, soul, and mind and affords us the opportunity to build great relationships. If all you do is eat together, you’ll feed your bodies but probably not much more benefit than that. But if you interact with each other you will fuel your relationships and strengthen your family which brings us to our marriage tip, are you feeding or fueling your marriage.
348: “You don’t know my marriage, so how can you say my marriage can be fixed?” More often than not a marriage can be fixed, especially if both couples are willing to put in the work to make it work, but also even if only one starts the process. To that extent, there is a very simply formula to follow once you commit to save the marriage. We discuss the gist of how to do just that.
347: In 2016 while Manager of the Chicago Cubs, Joe Maddon coined the phrase, “Try Not to Suck.” What was his point? Maddon explained, "Take it with a light heart...I want them to just go out there and play like they're in Little League. Like a bunch of kids having a good time. Don't worry about making mistakes.” In this segment we apply a paraphrase of this explanation to creating a championship marriage.
346: They say opposites attract. While that may be true in terms of personalities such an introvert being attracted to an extrovert, it’s actually a really bad model for those with different political views to get married. We discuss rules for discussing politics with your spouse when he/she has opposing political views from yours.
345: A naysayer is someone who criticizes, objects, or opposes something. Unfortunately, when the topic of marriage comes up there are a lot of naysayers who desperately want to believe great marriages are simply fairy tales told by delusional couples. Fortunately, great marriages are not fairy tales. Take for example comments made by happily married couples and some naysayers in response to a recent news article about marriage.
344: How to Breathe Life Back Into Your Marriage. A marriage that’s on life-support is one in which the couple simply exists together. There’s no real excitement anymore, date nights, if they even exist, are quick dinners out, and communication barely goes deeper than common pleasantries. The Good news is there is a chance it can be saved.
343: Today we want to shift our focus and speak to those looking for a second chance at love. With that said, today we’re going to talk about how to make a second marriage be a successful one.
342: The most important three words spouses can say to each other is NOT, I Love You. While it’s very important to tell your spouse you love him or her, showing your spouse you love them is of much greater importance. So, how do you use words to ‘show’ someone you love them? By simply asking, “Can I help.”
341: Attention Bias (AKA: Tunnel Vision) is the ability to pay attention to certain things while simultaneously ignoring other things. In marriage, attention bias will cause you to replay, over and over, the documentary you’ve created about your spouse. That documentary can be a positive or negative storyline, it’s your choice.
340: We don’t even have to debate it, guys are typically horrible at expressing how much they love and appreciate their wives. And, to be honest, wives are just as bad at interpreting their husband’s feeble attempts to provide that feedback. So, today we are going to help all parties involved by providing a bit of insight regarding how his actions indicate a genuine expression of his love for you.
339: According to various studies, the human brain needs to know the underlying reason for a discussion in order to adequately process or grasp the details presented. Providing a concise summary of the objective of the discussion, often referred to as an elevator pitch, will greatly enhance your audience’s ability to comprehend the details you are about to provide. Before starting a discussion, your 'elevator pitch' should summarize a couple of points.
338: There are a lot of marriage quotes that lean on sarcasm and negativity to grab a chuckle or two. Then there are the ones that actually promote great marriages. We discuss 10 anonymous quotes to help you have a Happily Ever After marriage.
337: With Memorial Day quickly approaching, we are going to touch on the untouchables. Not the movie, but the three highly contentious topics of Faith, Politics, and Money. While it may be good practice to avoid these topics at gatherings of friends and family, it can be devastating to your marriage to never discuss these topics with you spouse. Why Discussing with Your Spouse is Important.
336: Dr. Robert Eisenberger is credited with developing the Learned Industrious Theory: Feeling hopeful due to previous successes from a persistent effort. His research found that “reward for high effort involving one or more activities increases the subsequent effort exerted in other activities.” In layman’s terms, if you accomplish something through hard work, you are more likely to work hard at other things. In this segment we apply this theory to marriage.
335: We’ve stated in the past that the general concept of marriage is not that complicated, it’s simply two people who are legally and spiritually bound together. However, how we define the term 'Together' is what makes marriage complicated. In a great marriage, Together means in agreement, and in harmony. Your success or failure in that regard all comes down to ‘your’ WILL. WILLfulness vs. WILLingness
334: Emotions are powerful influencers but they can be quite confusing at times too, even if it’s your own emotions you’re trying to understand. Emotions can be placed into two categories: Subjective and Physical
332: To ‘Flex Your Muscles’ means to give a show of strength. Guys, it’s time to flex our muscles in our marriage. Not by ripping off our shirts and doing our best Schwarzenegger pose, but instead by lifting our wives up onto a pedestal. Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25 tells us how to do just that: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” What are the characteristics of that kind of love?
331: Is the statement, “Marriage is Difficult” a true or false statement? I would argue it’s a false statement. Why? Because marriage, in and of itself, is not difficult. Where it gets difficult is when we allow our egos, pride, and unrealistic expectations to influence how we approach the marriage.
330: This tip builds on tip #94. It’s known as “Hitting the Wall.” Runners know this point well; it’s where they feel that physically and mentally they can’t go any farther. Hitting the wall in marriage sounds something like, “I know I made a vow to love and cherish my spouse, but I’m sick of this marriage, there’s no hope of restoring it, and I want out!” At the wall, a decision must be made: regroup, make adjustments, and move forward or give up and walk away.
329: At Full-Service gas stations the attendant, known as a ‘Gas Jockey’ actually fills your gas tank for you. It’s where the phrase, “Filler-Up” comes from. Much like the demise of the full-service gas station, spouse’s often find themselves in a self-service rather than a full-service marriage whereby they have to find ways to fill up their emotional tanks by themselves. In this segment we discuss the dangers of a 'self-service' marriage.
328: Flags are used to symbolize a nation, state, or organization, and as a means of signaling or sending a message. Flying a flag signifies that you believe in or trust in what the flag symbolizes. Each of our armed forces bears a flag which identifies their branch of service. And when carried by troops in formation, one refers to the flag as their colors. As men who have chosen to honor our wedding vow, we, too, carry a ‘flag' which symbolizes this commitment; our wedding ring.
327: This Sunday is Valentine’s Day and every guy wants to avoid messing up this weekend. So, we’re going to tell you how to find the key to her heart…and other Places. The Valentine formula is straightforward: Attention + Time = Connection & Playing Together. Also, intimacy is supposed to be fun too.
326: In the previous episode we covered, Leave, Cleave, & One Flesh. This week we want to explore the flip side of Leave…Letting Them Go. Why? Because so many parents really don’t understand why that’s so important and how not letting go may damage the marriage they are trying to help. We'll breakdown, Why Letting Go is critical.
325: Genesis is the first book of the Bible. At the end of Chapter 1 we are introduced to the first man and the first woman, Adam and Eve. At the end of chapter 2, specifically verse 24, we are given God’s model for marriage and it’s a pretty simple model. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
324: Where Did ‘Us’ Go? Let’s take a journey back to when you and your spouse were dating. For most, the relationship was simple, you just enjoyed each other’s company and you felt comfortable together. Unfortunately, many couples today have lost that feeling. Time together has gotten cluttered with the complexities of life. Your relationship is anything but simple and comfortable and you find yourself saying, “I miss us.”
323: What if your marriage is definitely worse or less than desirable? Most people think there are only three options for a ‘worse’ marriage: Address it, Ignore it, Walk away from it. In the Hot & Heavy section we introduce a body brush into the formula.
322: The term Rat Race implies an endless and pointless pursuit of something that results in a lifestyle that is exhausting and void of relaxation. The Rat Race is for the rats so, unless you are a rat you need to get out of the race and incorporate some downtime. We didn’t say you need to stop working hard, you just need to find regular time to slowdown a bit and invest in yourself, your spouse, and your family.
321: Water Balloon fights are a staple activity in just about every kid's life. Inevitably, there would be at least one balloon with a tiny leak. If you tried to throw that balloon the leak would tear open and the water would gush out and soak you.
Sometimes conversations with your wife is a lot like a leaking water balloon. She leaks out a little information and you passively listen. But then it happens, you choose to actively participate by asking a question and it’s as if you touched the leak. The slow stream bursts open and a deluge of information hits you like you’re standing in front of a fire hose.
319: As we head into Thanksgiving, there will be good food, good times, and possibly even a good nap. There will also be a spirit of thankfulness for our families and the other blessings in our lives. At least that’s how it’s supposed to go.
A survey of couples found 40% felt lonely at times in their marriage. Not because their spouse wasn’t there physically, rather because he or she wasn't present emotionally. When this happens, even in a room full of people, you can feel lonely and abandoned. So, this Thanksgiving, let’s all take time to re-connect emotionally with our spouses.
318: Exposing your ‘but’ the wrong way may generate a different reaction than you expected. The most common way to use your ‘but’ is to divert someone’s attention away from what you just presented them and get them to focus on what follows after you’ve exposed your but. To be clear, we’re not talking about your ‘B-U-T-T’, we’re talking about your ‘B-U-T’ While the first is a great thing to show your spouse in any situation, exposing the second can be disastrous. Here’s why…
317: Marriages that fall apart mostly do so because a Promise or a series of Promises were not kept. While the broken Promise is an issue, the real issue is the misunderstanding couples have about the original Promise...the wedding vow.
316: Much like the personalities of the seven dwarfs, each of us has our own unique combination of qualities and characteristics. When building a great marriage it's important to understand those differences so that they can be leveraged to strengthen the marriage rather than weaken it. Leveraging Our Differences: Differences = Completeness; Misunderstanding = Misinterpreting; Overuse = Weakness
313: While the opinions were all over the map regarding things that were said during this week’s debate, there were two phrases we can probably all agree we should never use when ‘debating’ with our spouse. “Shut Up, Man” and “You’re a Clown.” If you want your spouse to shut up…Stop Responding. We also discuss ogling...what it is and how to do it.
312: A recent study with 1,000 couples found that 90% of those who use pet names said they were highly satisfied in their relationship while only 56% who did not use pet names felt the same way. The study further found that 16% of couples indicated an increase in satisfaction after they began using pet names. It’s not rocket science, terms of endearment are often used by those who love and enjoy each other.
311: The Personal Displays of Affection (“PDA”) debate has been around forever, often initiated with the phase, Get a room. The PDA debate is typically not around whether or not spouses should display affection in public but rather ‘how much’ affection should be displayed. With that said, where should ‘spouses’ draw the PDA line?
309 When it comes to tense discussions, they’re typically not caused by the lack of a solution, but rather the lack of understanding. Each party to the debate assumes the other person doesn’t understand some aspect of the issue or how the issue emotionally impacted them. Misunderstandings can lead to Cognitive Distortions which is when our thoughts convince us of something that isn’t really true.
308: ‘Lucy I’m Home’ is from the classic TV show ‘I Love Lucy’. Lucy’s husband, Ricky, would enter the apartment and announce his arrival, often times to no response. If you want a healthy and thriving marriage, the first five minutes in the home are crucial. If you regularly halfheartedly acknowledge your spouse when they first get home or worse yet, ignore them, they will eventually lose their enthusiasm for coming home. You don’t have to drop everything you’re doing and run to the door, but a sincere greeting and maybe a hug and kiss will certainly give them something to look forward to instead of being greeted with an “I’m too busy to acknowledge you just arrived" reaction. Why This Is Important…
307: Over the years couples in solid marriages tend to get ‘comfortable’ with each other. Comfortable is a state of mind whereby time together and conversation is relatively effortless. However, since our likes and dislikes tend to change over time, couples need to periodically check their knowledge of their spouse so that their comfort doesn’t turn into complacency.
306: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” has been found in several studies to be true, however, that’s only if those separated actually like each other. What if that’s not the case? Ohio State conducted a study which found that 79% of couples who separated eventually decided to divorce. While this isn’t an absolute indicator it should at least point us to believe there’s likely a better option for improving a marriage than taking a break from it. In this segment we discuss a better way
305: Life is complicated enough without adding a complicated marriage on top. Often times we hear couples say phrases like, “You really have to work at marriage” and similarly, “Marriage is not easy.” But that’s not the way marriage was designed. It was designed to be two becoming one where the couples ‘Complete’ each other instead of ‘Compete’ with each other. The difference between Complete and Compete is the ‘L’ which is the Love you have for each. The more you love each other, the more you will Complete each other. The less you love, the more you will compete against each other.
304 When everything around you appears to be out of whack and heading in the wrong: direction, you should stop and literally count your blessings. This is one of those tips which at first seems annoying but actually works quite well when followed. Why does it seem annoying? Because venting is what you do at pity parties. You also invite others to vent with you. So, when someone at the party tries to cheer you up, it’s just plain annoying. In this segment we discuss how to cancel a pity party.
303: We’re living in a world that appears to have gone mad and it's placing major stress on our families. When things get crazy they say laughter is the best medicine. So, sometimes you just need to laugh. With that said, in this segment we take a look at some quotes about the lighter side of marriage which may contain more truth than we’d like to admit.
302: Redd Foxx who played the character Fred Sanford on the comedy show Sanford and Son, made famous the line, “Elizabeth, I’m coming to join you, this is the big one!” When he didn’t get his way or when something was said that he didn’t like, Fred would grab his chest, stumble around, and pretend he was having a major heart attack, “This is it, the big one." As husbands there has likely been a time or two when we’ve seriously considered the Fred Sanford way.
301: The saying, “A shoemaker’s kids have no shoes’ refers to someone who often neglects the ones closest to him. To apply that concept to your marriage you can ask yourself two questions, Does your spouse feel loved by you as much as everyone else feels loved by you? And, Does your spouse get the best of your attention or just the crumbs that are left over? Pressure Test Your Answers with the ‘Test of Time’ Exercise. In the Hot & Heavy section we discuss that 54% of couples are okay with an average intimacy time together of just 19 minutes.
300: While Love and Physical attraction are often cited as the key to a good marriage, there is another aspect of marriage, a secret way of doing marriage that couples who have the best marriages know quite well. It goes well beyond a physical attraction and a choice to love…it’s Adoration. Adoring your spouse requires a fusion of your feelings and your choice to love. It’s when physical desire and commitment form a bond so strong it can’t be negatively influenced by any situation.
299: Happy Wife, Happy Life is an old & well know saying, but is there any truth to this marriage advice? A 2014 Rutgers study of 394 couples married at least 39 years concluded the answer to that question is, Yes. In this segment we discuss why. In the Hot & Heavy section we discuss something the wife can say to her husband that will radically change his mood to the best mood ever.
298: How to Respond to Constructive Criticism from Your Spouse and a clean discussion about the real impact adult entertainment has on your marriage.
297: Most of us can hold our temper in all kinds of situations but when you stub your toe all bets are off. The Bible says ‘love’ covers or helps us to look past all kinds of offenses, but when your spouse does that one thing that hurts like you stubbed your toe, it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back, the thing that opens the floodgates of all the other pains and it all comes flowing out. Three Ways to Respond When Your Spouse Stubs His/Her Toe…Teapot, Editor, Pacifier.
296: There has been no shortage of stories about people building gardens during the quarantine. As they tend to their garden, they will soon realize maintaining a garden is very similar to maintaining a marriage. Just like a garden, you can’t let your marriage go unattended and expect it to be healthy and thriving. Gardening Tips for a Healthy Marriage.
295: Happy Freedom Friday. As the economy begins to open back up and we start transitioning back into our normal routines, let’s not forget a few lessons we should have learned from the Coronavirus quarantines. We also discuss how a bust in your intimacy time for the past six weeks will return to a boom very soon.
294: With the continuation of the lock-ins, family members will certainly begin to get on each other’s nerves and fuses will get shorter. As the tension gets hyper inflamed it’s only a matter of time before the battle of words begins which is almost impossible to stop before deep emotional wounds are inflicted.
Stopping the out-of-control argument spiral will take a direct, bold, non-negotiable action that mandates a shift in your mindset, “We need to SSRR” SSRR stands for Shut-up, Sit Down, Reflect, then Re-engage. This strategy is not an attack against your spouse, it’s an all out effort to stop us from saying what we will absolutely regret later.
293: While it may not be intentional, we often take our spouses for granted, just like we did toilet paper until it became a difficult to find product. Taking something for granted means: failure to properly appreciate someone or something. This is never a good idea, especially when the ‘someone’ is your spouse. In this episode we discuss two ways to avoid making your spouse feel like toilet paper. We also discuss how intimacy is a lot like ordering pizza.
292: As we end a two week Stay-at-Home order and are now looking at another four weeks, many are scrambling to learn how to hold and take on-line classes, how to balance work and personal life now that they are occurring in the same space, and trying to figure out how they are going to emotionally survive being cooped up for another four weeks. We certainly don’t have all the answers but we do think a couple of clichés might help...
291: Men are Like Garbage Disposals and women are like Wind Chimes. A quality three quarter horsepower garbage disposal can process just about anything you put in it. However, sometimes it’s the volume of something that can cause major problems. For example, the eggshells from two eggs is easily processed. But drop in the shells from a dozen eggs at the same time and you’ll be pulling all kinds of pipes to unclog the system. Other times what you put in the disposal is just too difficult to process, such as steak gristle. Put that in the disposal and it will just spin around and never go anywhere.
290: We are in the midst of yet another trying time that will place additional stress and tension on our relationships. Fear and anxiety are typically born in the unknown and right now, we are facing surmounting unknowns. Businesses and schools are closing and families will be spending extended time together. That should be a good thing but unfortunately being ‘cooped up’ in relatively close quarters can cause us to step on each other’s last nerve. How to Step Over and Not On Each Other’s Nerves.
289: We mentioned a couple of weeks ago that communication is almost always at the top of the ‘needs improvement’ list for couples. We also said communication is really not that difficult if you master a few basic skills. Of all the suggested communication skills, there’s one technique that’s always extremely effective in any communication but especially in a marriage…Active Listening. Active listening is very simple in theory but highly difficult in practice. Follow these rules and you will become an expert active listener in no time...
288: While the topic of a wall between the US and Mexico continues to be debated, all of us can agree that walls between a husband and a wife need to come down. Unlike a physical wall, marriages have emotional walls that are put in place to prevent us from experiencing emotional pain. A wall can be a topic you won’t discuss or an emotion you hold back such as trust. While some walls in marriage may provide protection from outside influences, walls that divide will actually destroy the marriage. Learn how to tear down the walls, safely.
287: Now and Later is a popular taffy-like candy that was introduced in 1962. The name, Now and Later, was meant to suggest to customers that they are going to like the candy now and then want some more later. Unfortunately, due to overloaded schedules and commitments many couples have grand plans to enjoy more time with each other later but completely ignore enjoying time together now. The problem with that plan is for many marriages, later either never comes or it comes too late.
Incorporate the following into your marriage and you will enjoy your marriage Now and look forward to spending more time together Later…
286: In ‘The Santa Clause 3’ movie, Jack Frost is changed into a new person when he experiences the power of a warm hug that melts away his iced heart. While that may be a movie, there’s a lot to be said about the healing power of touch. In general, nonsexual touching causes your brain to release feel good hormones while also reducing your stress hormones. In a relationship that’s become as cold as an iceberg, some simple touching can melt away that bitter cold and reignite the flame.
285: Valentine's Day is a day when we are supposed to express our love for our spouse in special ways. Get it right and it has the potential to be a great day. Get it wrong and it can be a total disaster. In this segment learn how to disaster proof your V-Day expressions of love and what to do the other 364 days of the year.
284: Unfortunately, too many couples would say that short of a miracle, their marriage likely will not survive 2020. No doubt those couples have tried counseling, read just about every marriage book written, and talked with friends and family, all with little to no results. The life has been sucked out of their marriage and they feel like they’re gasping for air. If that’s where you are you may be wondering what’s next? You could throw in the towel and most people wouldn’t blame you for doing so. Or, you can do like Kansas City did last week in the Super Bowl and continue to fight for a win. The latter will require a more drastic game plan.
Hot & Heavy Tip: Limited Time Offer. Urgency in advertising such as “This weekend only” is often used as a motivator to action. If you want to attract your spouse’s attention try the Limited Time Offer approach. If you do ‘X’ in the next 48 hours, you will receive ‘Y’
283: Windows in a home provide a view to the world around us. For the most part, that world works diligently against your marriage and family. Here’s how and what you should do to counter those attacks…
282: What do the terms Snowball, Domino, and Mindset have in common? They describe the cause and effect of certain interactions. Meaning future interactions will be influenced by previous interactions. This can result in positive or negative future interactions. How each works and how to use them in a positive way.
281: Within the confines of marriage (or any relationship for that matter), the idea of a threesome will typically be viewed as negative or damaging to your relationship. However, in its basic definition, ‘a group of three people engaged in the same activity’ a threesome can have a positive or negative effect. In that context there is one threesome you can incorporate in your marriage that will actually strengthen your relationship…You, Your Spouse, and God.
280: While one can arguably say, “Bacon makes everything better” it doesn’t mean eating bacon is good for your health. For example, studies have shown that five hours after eating a pork chop, red blood cells clump together decreasing the flow efficiency of those cells throughout the body. Complaining is similar to bacon, it may feel good when doing it but long term, complaining has negative effects on the brain and body as a whole.
279: We periodically look at marriage from a business perspective, not to make marriage impersonal but to learn how good business practices or assessments can help improve your marriage. In business an action or transaction is assessed by the value it brings to or takes away from the business. A transaction that adds value is accretive. Applying this principle to your marriage, you would assess whether a certain action strengthens or weakens your marriage.
278: If your spouse has bad breath, feet, etc. or an annoying habit such as chewing with their mouth open, clearing their throat, etc. should you let them know? If yes, how should you let them know? How to break the bad news about their bad breath...
277: When people talk about Proverbs 31 they always talk about this incredible woman. Just how incredible is she? For starters she’s a wife, a mother, a successful businesswoman and a philanthropist. That’s pretty amazing. However, it is rarely ever noted that the Proverb starts and ends with a statement about the husband. If you only focus on the wife’s accomplishments, you will miss two very important points about how to have a thriving marriage.
276: Sarcasm is the use of remarks to mock, criticize or convey dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, many spouses have bought into the lie that sarcasm is a motivator. It’s okay to get annoyed, but when the annoyance is elevated to disgust, sarcasm typically takes over.
275: Abraham Lincoln, aka “Honest Abe” believed in integrity and worked hard to protect his reputation as an honest politician. Along with President Lincoln, we believe honesty is always the best policy. But, just how ‘honest’ should you be with your wife when it comes to sensitive topics such as weight, clothing, or if she asks you if you think someone she's pointed out is pretty?
274: Spouses need to quit pretending to be someone they are not just to meet their spouse’s expectations of who they ‘should’ be or ‘want’ them to be. If they’re introverted they will never be extroverted; if they’re more comfortable in casual clothes and restaurants, they’re not suddenly going to start desiring fancy restaurants and formal attire. However, it’s okay to ask them to occasional accommodate your interests, just don’t withhold your love or resent them if they don’t permanently change because they probably can’t, even if they tried.
273: Does this scenario sound familiar: husband or wife does something stupid or hurtful so their spouse does something similar to even the score. For example, husband buys an expensive gadget he really doesn’t need and they can’t afford, so the wife goes shopping and spends a similar amount of money. Unfortunately, these are common responses that do absolutely nothing but destroy a marriage.
271: In her book, “I do and I don’t” Jeanine Basinger quotes famed producer, Sam Briskin on his view of marriage in movies: “Why make a picture where a man and woman are married? The main thing about pictures is love or sex. Here you’ve got a man and woman married at the start — who’s interested in that?”
270: In a coaching session, the question was asked of the wife, “Why do you want to stay married to your husband?” To the Coach’s surprise, the wife offered only general reasons and struggled to provide qualities that were specific to her husband. After a bit of coaching, the wife identified a couple of things only her husband, by his unique emotional and physical makeup, could bring to the marriage.
269: Life tends to get more complicated as we get older. Work becomes more demanding, chores pile up, kids drain the life out of us, and aging parents require more of our attention. It’s no wonder that by the end of the day, spouses find it almost impossible to drum up enough energy to have a meaningful discussion that goes beyond just recounting the day's events. Unfortunately when this happens, mindless activities or ‘dead air’ time, often replaces active involvement in each other’s lives.
268: Unfortunately, many couples venture into marriage with several preconceived ideas and expectations that may not be so accurate. These misconceived ideas and expectations can confuse spouses and in some cases, destroy a marriage.
267: In the heat of an argument things are often said that cut deep to our core. Even if an apologize follows, the one offended will often say or at least think, “They wouldn’t have said it unless they really felt that way, so there must be some truth to their words.” Words like these cause deep emotional wounds that couples often never get past. How to heal and get past deep emotional wounds?
266: In the movie Caddyshack Chevy Chase’s character is coaching young Danny on how to hit a golfball. His advice, “be the ball, Danny.” I’m not sure how much help that advice will provide for your golf game, but in marriage a slight variation of the advice can be a game changer. “Be your spouse, Danny.” In other words, be ‘for’ your spouse what you need ‘from’ your spouse.
265: Like it or not, when restoring a marriage it will almost always be driven by ‘her’ timeline. Guys are great at departmentalizing so, once they fix something they are ready to move on. Gals, not so much. Even if the problem gets fixed, it will take her some time to trust that the fix is permanent
263: Oh, the wonderful nuances of marriage, or any relationship for that matter. Spouses tend to talk in code because they really just want to be understood without having to explain every little detail. The coded comments, whether intentional or not, are really just a test to see how much you know, or are expected to know about your spouse. Here are a few ‘tests’ you may face and what you should know about each.
262: People generally want to be accepted and valued by others, so they tend to brag a little and embellish stories a bit to impress those around them. When a spouse does that with their wife or husband it could be an indication of a more serious issue, that of feeling undervalued. Ways to Reaffirm Your Love and Appreciation for Your Spouse…
260: Mom’s and Dad’s will have an eternal impact on their kids. Whether the impact is positive, negative or a little of both depends on what mom and dad say and do with and in front of their kids. A thriving home is not only the result of a solid marriage but also one where there is a healthy relationship with the kids.
259: In today’s day and age the dating scene has drastically changed with the advancement of social media and on-line dating sites. Regardless of how you approach developing a relationship, there are some basic steps to follow in order to form a solid foundation.
258: One of the top issues cited by divorced couples and spouses in troubled marriages is money. Not the money itself but how couples handle or mishandle it. In 2018 the average household had just under $7,000 in credit card debt with an average interest rate of 16.46%, which equates to $96 a month in interest payments. When so many are living paycheck to paycheck, it should be no surprise to read in the Bible in Proverbs 22 verse 7: The borrower will be a slave to the lender.
257: Restaurants often have a secret recipe that makes their version of the meal better than the rest. But what about marriage? Is there a secret recipe for marriage that will make your marriage better than the rest?
255: Responding to your spouse’s inquiries with an emotionally fueled answer will only further aggravate the situation. Proverbs Chapter 15 verse 1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” So, when the conversation with your spouse begins to elevate, you need to change course quickly or you will run the risk of slamming into the wall.
254: Has it ever happened to you where you asked your spouse a simple question and instead of getting a simple answer, they unloaded on you? Here is what likely just happened…
When asked what ‘Provider for the Family’ means, most men will focus on the financial needs of the family even if the wife also provides some financial support. It’s just how men are wired. However, if you ask the wife what she and the kids need from Dad, most will say the money is nice, but if they had to choose only one thing, they would choose his engagement in the family over a larger bank account. To his wife and especially his kids, Dad’s attention is worth gold.
Social media has become a staple component in a lot of people’s lives as a great way to keep up with friends and family. However, a recent study on the impact of excessive use of social media on a marriage found that couples who had a 20% increase in social media use correlated to a 4.3% increase in divorce amongst those same couples. The study also found that 11% of couples who limited their social media use were happier in their marriage.
For years we’ve dedicated this segment to the Glory, Sanctity, Holiness & Steaminess of marriage. For our 250th tip we would like to expound on the third characteristic and talk about the Wholly, Holey, and Holy aspect of Marriage.
If you take Hollywood’s mock portrayal of discovering your inner self out of the equation, you’ll find several positive benefits associated with the physical aspect of yoga. These include: increased flexibility, muscle strength, and good health which can all help prevent future injuries. Those three benefits can be achieved in your marriage as well. If your marriage is in good shape, it won’t snap when it’s stretched.
For the past month or so we’ve witnessed our government argue over unreconcilable differences, to the extent the government even shutdown for a few weeks. We see similar patterns in marriages but instead of a temporary shutdown, the marriage often falls apart. Here are a few lessons to learn from the government shutdown to help us avoid a shutdown of our marriage.
This is Super Bowl Sunday so why not correlate the big game to a few marriage tips. If you want to win the Super Bowl it’s going to take a bit more effort than just showing up for the game. Unfortunately, too many couples just ‘show up’ for their marriage. Championship teams don’t start at the championship game, they begin with a plan to get to and win the championship game. The same is true if you want to have a championship marriage. Three areas to master in order to have a championship marriage.
It seems like every week we hear of yet another couple throwing in the towel on their marriage. Given the focus of this segment, hearing of another failed marriage is saddening and frustrating to say the least. But then there are those that let us know they have chosen to take a different approach…they’re fighting for their marriage. These marriages don’t always survive but more often then not, they do.
** Disclaimer: The following does not apply where there is physical or mental abuse.
“Oh Snap” is slang term that became popular several years back through a series of skits on Saturday Night Live. The phrase is used as a playful indication of surprise or misfortune. Now that we are about a month out from Christmas and Hanukkah many couples are about to have an “Oh Snap” moment right after they receive their latest credit card bill. No worries though, there is a simple way to not let your “Oh Snap” credit card bill create an “Oh Snap” marriage moment.
Every week we promote the Glory, Sanctity, Holiness & Steaminess of Marriage. Let’s start the new year by defining each of these terms so that we’re all on the same page each week.
There are two ways to respond to a crisis in your marriage, you can play the role of a 911 Operator or you can take on the role of a Firefighter. Both responses can produce positive results. However, if only one type is used or either type dominates the response, it will create a feeling of emotional abandonment and thereby weaken the marriage not strengthen it.
Life size cutouts have been around for decades and are great for promotions but not for replacing an absent spouse. A significant problem marriages face today is the physically present but emotionally absent spouse which can cause a spouse to feel abandoned. Emotional Abandonment is the feeling of being cast aside, left out of, and aloneness. These feelings are expressed with comments like, We have nothing in common; We don’t know each other; and I don’t love him/her anymore. The emotional abandonment is not the problem, it’s all the detours along the journey that need to be addressed.
A common reference to our spouse is the title “My Wife” or “My Husband.” Those titles have become so common we’ve probably lost the significance of them and unfortunately, may have even attached a negative connotation to the title. We would like to rekindle the honor those titles really embody.
Before you can begin a project to improve something, you first have to assess from where you are starting. If you don’t know where you are you’ll never be able to assess whether or not you’ve made any progress. Marking from where you are starting is absolutely critical in developing a plan for your marriage.
The phrase, “Opposites Attract” is true, but most people don’t know why. We tend to be attracted to opposite personalities out of our desire to fill a shortfall in our own personalities. For example, people who shy away from risky adventures will typically be intrigued by those who freely participate in those type of activities. That tension will often create an attraction between the two individuals.
Realizing you just reached the end of a dead end street is a horrible feeling. It can make you feel lost and confused. Turning around can be difficult as well. Reaching a dead end in your marriage will feel the same way. But just like reaching the end of a dead end street, following a few simple rules can get you back on course.
Walls are used to hold something up, keep something out, keep something in, or keep things separated. A Wall in marriage serves a similar purpose. In a negative sense, a wall divides and separates us emotionally from our spouse and causes long-term damage to our relationship. In this segment we discuss which walls can be broken down and how.
When was the last time you had a physical? When it comes to your health, preventative care is always more effective, less expensive, and less painful than emergency care. The same is true for your marriage, so you should have a check-up of your marriage at least once a year. An annual check-up can include attending a marriage conference, scheduling a talk with a marriage coach or counselor, or reading and discussing a marriage book. In this episode we discuss marriage vitals that should be regularly checked.
Whether you want to turn your marriage around or just take it to a new level, you not only need to have a plan, the plan needs to be concise and easy to understand with realistic expectations. In this segment we discuss the one page marriage plan.
In business, instilling a focus on increasing revenue will grow a company at a rate of four times that of efforts focused on reducing the costs of running the business. Translate that into marriage and focusing on growing together will strengthen your marriage four times faster than efforts to fix your problems. The most successful marriages focus on both, but the return on growth will be greater.
It is very common to feel hopeless when your marriage is falling apart. Hopelessness is the result of being both physically and mentally spent, totally confused about what you feel, and the fear that nothing will ever change. In this segment, learn how to turn your hopelessness to hope and in the process turn your marriage around.
A common response to constructive criticism is to claim, “That’s just the way I was made.” The reality is that’s nothing more than a copout. Just because you were ‘made’ a certain way doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. In other words, the way you are isn’t necessarily the way you should be? Three truths about changing who we are.
The Dead Sea is dead because it only receives and never gives. Your marriage will become a Dead Sea if one spouse always receives but never gives. In this segment we discuss how to bring life back into your marriage.
Some men will go out of their way to avoid an angry wife. One husband retreated to the restroom to avoid his angry and yelling wife. From there he called Mr. Cossick for advice. Mr. Cossick’s advice, “Flush the toilet.” He did as instructed and then reengaged in the conversation with his wife. (you’ll have to listen to the segment to find out why this worked).
Most couples don’t have a realistic understanding of what to expect from marriage. Their expectations are often too high which places a tremendous amount of stress on the marriage when those expectations are not met. If you want to build or rebuild a great marriage the first step is to bust a few of the myths about marriage. In this segment we discuss (bust) 5 of them.
Wife: “You’re the worst husband ever”; Husband: “I hate being married to you”
Words like those will cut to our core, but what’s being said verbally isn’t what’s really being said.The real message might be one of affection and love.
In the 1976 film ‘Taxi Driver’ Robert De Niro memorialized the phrase, “You talkin’ to me?” That’s a celebrated line in movies, but if your spouse uses that line in response to a comment you just made, things are probably not going to end well. Studies have found that if the initial three minutes of a discussion includes sarcasm, criticism, or expressions of contempt, there’s a 96% chance the discussion will end in an argument. In this segment we discuss three steps to reverse a bad start to a discussion. We also discuss how going to bed early could lead to less sleep.
Intimacy in marriage is so important that we include a Hot & Heavy, PG-rated tip every week to encourage couples in that area. If you want to improve intimacy in your marriage, you’re going to have to discuss it with your spouse. The best approach to discuss intimacy is to use the 5-W’s: who, what, where, when, and why.
On a scale of 1 to 10 with ten representing marital bliss and 1 meaning it’s hanging on by a thread, how would you rate the health and wellbeing of your marriage? How would your spouse rate it? There are a couple of rules you’ll need to follow when assessing and discussing the ‘actual’ state of your marriage: Assume Nothing, Stay Focused, and Be Flexible.
Sometimes it’s the basics of life that serve as a great foundation for a thriving marriage such as the absolute confidence that you will always be there for each other. We’ll bring back a 1971 song to encourage you in this area. We also talk about whipped cream and chocolate syrup in the Hot & Heavy discussion.
We all know the saying, “If it ain’t broke...don’t fix it.” If you apply that rule to your business, in time you will likely no longer be able to attract customers. We just saw this with the demise of Sears. The same is true in marriage because we change, our likes and dislikes change, and what we enjoyed in our 20’s is likely not achievable or as enjoyable today. If we want our marriages to stay desirable and attractive to our spouse, we may need to change a couple of things.
Part 1: ‘Open Arms’ by Journey is the story of a couple who drifted apart, then separated, and but now the husband is asking his wife to try and make it work, “So here I am with open arms hoping you’ll see what your love means to me.” If your spouse is willing to talk, willing to sincerely try,…maybe your willingness to also try or try again is the right answer. Part two: how Dating Apps are killing the Dating Scene
A “me-tooer” always has a similar story or similar experience no matter the subject. If you’re always playing the role of the “me-tooer” you may not know it, but you’re actually sucking the life out of the conversation, not contributing to it. No relationship is threatened more by the “me-tooer” than the relationship with his/her spouse. Over time, the spouse will quit sharing their own experiences which leads to separation and eventually the end of the relationship.
A permanent truce or avoidance from talking about tough topics can ultimately destroy your marriage. However, a temporary truce can actually lead to a solution. Learn the difference in this segment. In the Hot & Heavy portion of the segment we discuss breaking your intimacy time into two phases separated by an overnight break.
A standard tool in business is a S.W.O.T. analysis. It’s when you identify the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats of and to your business. You then put into place a plan to take advantage of the strengths, and opportunities and to reduce your weaknesses and any potential threats. The same analysis is a great tool for taking a marriage to the next level.
Sports fans are often more competitive than the athletes themselves, especially when it comes to defending their teams. Spouses can be just as competitive with each other, especially when defending their opinions. In this segment we discuss: How to Avoid Turning Your Spouse Into Your Competition…
When it comes to celebrating sports teams, fans get a bit crazy. The sports merchandise industry recently topped $48 billion. When it comes to celebrating our marriages, we can get a bit crazy too. An estimated $18 billion was spent on Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, unlike celebrating sports, celebrating our marriages is often a forced or mandatory event. On the flip side, when your celebration is voluntary, a basic marriage becomes a great marriage.
Does your wife cry about your marriage? There are typically three areas that cause a wife to cry about her marriage. If you want to divorce proof your marriage…make your wife cry tears of joy in three areas. In this segment we discuss all three. In the Hot & Heavy discussion we discuss patience.
How trustworthy are you? Studies found that you must follow through on 90% of your promises to be considered trustworthy. Below 55% and you are not at all trustworthy. If you want to build or rebuild trust in your marriage, you’ll need to take extra care to think through your ability to honor your word. Unfortunately, just intending to do something is not worth much.
We have 24 hours in a day of which sleep, work, routine chores, activities, meals, and kids will burn up most of that time leaving only an hour or two eat day for your spouse, maybe. It’s no wonder so many marriages are falling apart when all that our spouses hear us telling them is to, “Take a number and we’ll get to you as soon as we can.”
A puppy love marriage is built on short-lived interactions of affection toward each other. When our spouses give us their attention, we get excited, energetic, and much more affectionate. However, when their attention is consumed by something else, we can feel abandoned, lethargic, and unaffectionate toward them. The latter can lead to resentment and divorce
The original design for marriage is quite simple, leave your father and mother and become one with your wife. This plan was penned over 3,000 years ago and yet we still struggle with what it means. In this segment we discuss the two parts of becoming one: physical and emotional union.
In this special edition of Marriage Talk, Sam’s wife Denise joins the show to discuss Valentine’s Day gift ideas.
Within marriage, entrapment is when you set up a situation whereby your spouse is almost guaranteed to fail. In other words, you put your spouse in a situation where there is a high probability they will disappoint you. In the segment we identify the top 3 entrapments spouses fall into. We also discuss changes in our bodies in the weekly Hot & Heavy discussion.
Do you remember your wedding vow? Regardless of whether or not you remember exactly what you said, do you at least remember what the vow represented? The wedding vow is an important part of the marriage ceremony but to be honest, most couples don't really understand what the vow represented. We break it down for you in this segment.
A bellhop’s role is to help guests enjoy their stay. They start by taking your luggage when you arrive, so you can start enjoying your time there from the minute you walk in the door. We can’t afford a bellhop at our homes, but we can enjoy the same benefits by getting rid of our baggage before we go inside.
What does lemonade have to do with Marriage? A lot, actually, since both have ingredients that are a bit sour. In the episode, learn how much sugar is needed for the sweet times to overpower the sour ones. In part two, we use the metaphor of House Hunting to help couples improve intimacy in their marriage.
January first brings with it a new start and for many, renewed resolutions. Resolutions are fun, but unless they are made with a plan, they are really nothing more than a wish. When it comes to putting together a plan, especially for a great marriage, there are three tricks… In this segment we'll discuss all three. We also added an extra tip that every guy will request of his wife.
The urban use of the term ‘Gold Standard’ identifies something as the model of excellence, the highest standard, and the best something can be. The ‘Gold Standard’ for the expression of love in marriage is found in the Bible in First Corinthians chapter 13.
A 2011 study found that December is the most stressful month for couples. Amongst divorcees, 1 in 5 made that decision in the month of December. The main culprits are money worries, family & friend gatherings, and work schedules. To help avoid stress the next two weeks or so, you just need to do a little planning.
Now that Thanksgiving is behind us, most people have shifted gears and are now focused on the quickly approaching holidays that include gift giving as part of their celebration, such as Hanukkah and Christmas. Since we will get gifts, we might as well get the gifts we really want, right? In the segment we discuss how to get the gifts you really want.
Communication is marriage is more about how the issues make your spouse feel and less about the facts. We also discuss how planning a trip to San Antonio can greatly improve your intimacy.
Endurance training is applicable to marriage as well. Every marriage has periods of intense activity, especially around holidays and kids events. In order to avoid burning out, you need frequent periods of recovery.
Nobody in a marriage should feel like a doormat. By doormat, we mean feeling like you’re the one who does everything at the full sacrifice of your own needs and wants being met. However, sometimes one spouse becoming a doormat for a few days is exactly what your marriage needs.
200th Segment Celebration, Picture Perfect Marriage and Top 20 Analogies. Every picture doesn't have to be perfect to create perfect memories.
If couples could see what the depth of their pain really means, many of them would understand just how much they actually do love each other. If they could just learn to measure the depth of their love by the depth of their pain they may just be willing to give it one more shot at turning their marriage around.
The question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg” has been debated for centuries. A similar debate has occurred amongst couples for just about as long: Which comes first…a GOOD marriage produces a HAPPY spouse … or … A HAPPY spouse produces a GOOD marriage. We discuss these two on today’s segment.
We hear it all the time: Marriage is difficult, it's hard work, and it's complicated. Well, I don't think marriage is difficult or hard work or even complicated. At least it wasn’t designed to be that way. The simplicity of marriage is expressed in the wedding vow. The wedding vow is only 46 words, that’s pretty simple. So, why do so many couples feel that marriage is so complicated?
When you’re sunburn you’re hypersensitive to everything around you. The wind irritates you, your clothes irritate you, and don’t even think about letting someone touch you. Then you discover aloe vera. It feels cool on your skin, it takes away most of the pain, and it helps accelerate healing. When your marriage gets a bit sunburned you become hypersensitive to everything around you as well. When that happens all you need is some aloe vera to cool things down and start the healing process.
Hurricane Harvey displaced more than 150,000 families. Now that most of the water has receded, what comes next? For most, the rebuilding phase begins, but for some it will be a time of emotional flooding. Emotional flooding is when the reality of ‘everything was lost’ kicks in, it’s when the ‘be strong for my family’ wall comes crumbling down, and it’s when the floodgate of emotions, anxiety and fear kick in at full force. Unfortunately, the stress of these times will be more than some marriages will be able to bear…that is, if they are left to bear it on their own.
This past week has been devastating, strenuous, nerve-wracking, etc., due to Hurricane Harvey. Lives were lost, homes and cars disappeared and America's 4th largest city came to a screeching halt. It was a time when husbands and wives really leaned on each other. Many married couples prayed, cried and cleaned up together. Some were literally stuck together for days….
Every now and then you should take a step back and assess how you are doing as a husband. In this segment we present a merit / demerit test to help the guys in that effort.
Every marriage will experience bumps to some degree or another. Sometimes it will feel like hitting a pothole which knocks everything out of whack. Other times it will be more like a speed bump, no damage but it does cause you to slow down.
Boredom occurs when we decide that we’ve arrived; that this all there is to marriage. As long as you see an adventure ahead of you, there will always be the opportunity for excitement. In this segment we also have a G-Rated discussion about how to suggest something new when it comes to intimacy.
Guys, have you ever said something that sounded great in your head, but somehow when you actually said it, your wife heard it in an entirely different context? In this segment, Sam and the crew answer the question: Can a husband recover after hearing his wife say, “Wait, what did you just say?”
Couples who have packed schedules may find themselves slowly drifting apart from each other. Eventually, they wake up one morning and realize they don't even know the person they married. The rock band Journey sang about such a couple and offered a first step in reversing that cycle…welcome your spouse back into your life with ‘Open Arms.’
We all have bad days, and for some, bad months or even years. No matter how bad things get, the 1989 release by Bad English, ‘When I See You Smile’ captures the power of a happy home. In this segment, we discuss the power of a smile and in part two, we discuss how the hand is a great place to get started.
A marriage that has been engulfed by emotional flames will need to be rebuilt, not just repaired with patchwork. To do that you’ll need to tear everything down and rebuild on the foundation of your wedding vows. In this episode, we discuss three things to understand as you begin to rebuild your marriage. The Hot & Heavy tip is Mirror, Mirror…hugging in front of a mirror.
Segment 1: Most guys understand their role as the provider for their family, but often forget or ignore the other side of their sword…the encourager. Whether a person of faith or not, these two Bible references can help anyone to be a better father and husband. Segment 2: Also, for most women, her family is an extension of her, so showing affection toward the family is the same as showing affection toward her.
If you were to stop and honestly visualize having to tell your spouse, your kids, and your in-laws that you had an affair, it may just change your decision to destroy your marriage. In this segment we discuss conversations that will follow after an affair is exposed. We also discuss decompressing to make our evenings more enjoyable and relaxing.
A survey of over 5,000 couples found an interesting rule of fives. 74% of couples who got divorced said they had a great marriage 5 yrs earlier. 66% of those who did not get divorced said they had a great marriage 5 yrs later. In this segment we discuss why that is and how to avoid facing divorce in the first place.
We likely hear it several times a day and probably even say it ourselves, "Hi, how's it going?" And we give or get the same standard response every time, "Great, how are you?" Why do we answer that way? Because we all know that the person asking, doesn't really care. Wives ask a similar question, "How was your day?" The difference is, she really does care
Al Green (the singer), in his song 'Let's Stay Together', suggests a very simple way to have a great marriage…Just commit to stay together, forever. In this segment we discuss why committing to stay together 'forever' is important.
A whoop-dee-doo or boring marriage may not sound that threatening, but complacency in marriage will be at the heart of several marriage issues. In this segment we discuss how to change a boring marriage into a woo-hoo marriage.
Just about everything that is portrayed in TV shows and movies is completely wrong when it comes to marriage. Couples typically take more than three weeks to fall madly in love and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with adoring and respecting your spouse, especially in public and in front of your kids. In this segment we talk about ways you can be a role model to your kids.
Tip #1: If your wife isn’t complaining anymore and you haven’t changed anything, bad things are about to happen. Tip #2: If a guy thinks his marriage is in bad shape, it’s likely a lot worse than he thinks. In this segment we discuss why that's the case and how to play peekaboo with your husband.
They say you should never go to bed angry with each other. However, staying up all night is not a good option either. So, when you just can’t resolve the issue, at least follow the advice of Jenny and Manny who have been married 65 years…“No matter how mad you are, always touch toes when you go to bed to say, ‘I still love you.’ ”
If you want to keep your marriage fresh and exciting, sometimes you're going to need to do a little updating. This includes updates to you personally as well as to your surroundings. Three areas to remodel in your marriage and how to make her feel sexy.
Contrary to popular belief, a yellow traffic signal actually means the light is about to change to red and you should prepare to stop, not accelerate. The same in true in marriage. When you’re presented with signals that indicate the situation is about to turn red hot, you should prepare to stop, not increase your effort to prove your point.
Every marriage will have high times, uneventful times and a few times when things get a bit stale or even tense. Unfortunately, when things get stale and tense many couples lose hope instead of leveraging the time to improve their marriage. Some of the strongest marriages around achieved that status after forging through a few valleys.
Mom's are great at giving kudos to their kids, taking every opportunity to encourage them, praise them, and brag on them to others. As wonderful as that is, did you know that the impact of doing the same for your husband is exponentially more impactful. Five things every husband should hear from his wife.
Back in the 1960’s, the US government changed its policies regarding suppressing wildfires because they discovered that the fires are actually needed to spur new growth. Proper arguing in marriage is similar. Sometimes, we need a good disagreement to flush out a few things and to facilitate new growth in our marriage. We also discuss how to kiss and make-up.
Studies have identified as many as 12 levels of anger ranging from simply being bothered to extreme levels where an individual is infuriated and raging mad. However, people's triggers and flashpoint can be quite different. In this segment, learn what triggers anger in your wife.
Time together is the catalyst to a strong friendship. Strong friendship is the catalyst to good communication. Good communication is the catalyst to a great marriage. We also discuss how your diet can impact your love life.
In this segment we discuss how to rekindle the romance on Valentine's Day. Why do you need to rekindle the romance? Because February marks the beginning of divorce season for divorce lawyers where several divorce related sites note a 35-40% increase in inquiries following Valentine’s Day. Unmet expectations or disappointing celebrations are often cited as what pushed them to give up.
Puzzles are a great pastime, but when we see our marriage as a puzzle, we may be less than enthusiastic about trying to make all the pieces fit. In this segment we discuss how to assemble the marriage puzzle.
Young kids love to ask 'why' and when they do it can turn into a game of 20 questions. This can happen in your marriage as well and it usually starts with…"Why do you love me?" The best way I know to answer that question, and avoid 20 more, is to say, "Just 'cuz...I love you because I promised to do so." You can then follow up with specifics about her that make your commitment to love her easy to honor. In this episode, learn what, Just 'Cuz really means.
Some claim simply saying, “I Love You” is just words, but actions really show how much you love a person. So, let’s put some action into the word. That way, when you say, “I love you” it will remind your spouse of the actions behind the words.LOVE your way to a great marriage: Listen, Observe, Value, Evolve.
Does your marriage feel like it’s on the wrong tracks? Then maybe a little advice from Grand Funk Railroad’s, ‘Some Kind of Wonderful’ is all you need to get the steam back in the engine of your marriage. In this segment, we discuss the benefits of a Sweet Lovin’ Woman from the Song, ‘Some Kind of Wonderful’.
Focusing on positive memories about your marriage and your spouse can radically transform your marriage and reignite the passion. It will also help you make new and better memories. In this segment, we discuss three types of memories from the straight facts to intimate.
Finding that perfect gift for your spouse is often a very difficult and frustrating task. This year, you can supplement that perfect gift with a gift the will be treasured for years to come…a love letter. Learn three ingredients to include in a love letter to your spouse.
Every marriage is, and will always be, imperfect. That’s because two imperfect people are now married. But, that shouldn’t prevent you from always trying to improve your marriage. When addressing imperfections in your marriage there are three approaches. In this episode we discuss all three and we also include a hot & heavy tip each week as well.
When wanting to restore or improve a marriage, whose to blame for how you got here bears little to no relevance on how you will get to where you want to go. Bad behaviors are damaging, but behaviors can and must change to move forward. The rules to understand when moving forward.
When fighting for your marriage, the odds are going to be stacked heavily against you, but the odds aren’t why you’re choosing to fight for your marriage. You’re choosing to fight because it’s right, it’s what you want, and because you’re a person of integrity who will honor your commitment and your wedding vow.
Every spouse has warts or flaws. The good news is, sometimes you can apply a bit of 'medicine' and the wart will go away. The bad news is, you will likely never get rid of all the warts, so learn to ignore them.
There are many ways couples can enjoy Halloween together that will bring them closer and reignite the excitement they enjoyed when they were first dating. There’s just something about having a little ‘fun scary’ time together that will bring a couple together.
Every couple, especially those just starting out, need a Barnabas in their lives. They need a couple who has been there themselves and will encourage and guide them when things get tough. Someone who will not give up on them when they feel like giving up on themselves.
Many couples tend to put their marriage on autopilot meaning they assume the health and wellbeing of their marriage will continue 'as is' for the foreseeable future. This is a bad assumption because everyone changes and, as a result, so do their priorities and their needs.
Stevie Wonder’s, ‘I just called to say I love you’ is a great reminder that sometimes we just need to say the words, “I love you” for no other reason than to remind our spouse that it is still true. We also talk about 'Feathering'
It’s a very subtle change and most couples don’t even notice it’s happening until they are miles apart. It’s called drifting and it happens when couples are so busy with all the other activities, they forget to nurture their own marriage. In this segment we discuss how to avoid hearing the phrase, “I don’t love you anymore.”
The greatest gift a father can give his daughter is his unconditional love and praise. Why? Several studies have found that girls who share a strong bond with their fathers are emotionally and physically healthier than girls who feel unloved by their dads. And, because that relationship will be the foundation for her future marriage.
One of the greatest compliments spouses can offer each other is, “I trust you.” Trust is something that is earned and should be cherished, maintained and nourished throughout the life of a marriage.
Many couples do really dumb things just to ‘get even’ with their spouses. When coaching couples in this mode, the advice provided is simple…stop doing stupid stuff.
Couples who routinely show gratitude toward each other overcome marital stress issues more easily. In this segment we explore why couples do not say thank you to each other and why they should.
A great way to elevate your relationship with your spouse is to participate in a common sporting activity. For example, if one of you plays golf, you should plan a golf outing with just your spouse. The time together will strengthen your relationship, but only if you do it the right way.
Our perception of a situation will be skewed by our past experiences. As such, when it comes to marriage issues, we tend to associate past experiences with the current situation. In other words, we assume and anticipate that past experiences will always be replicated in the present situation. In this episode, learn how to avoid repeating history.
If we want to, “Make America Great Again” we need to start the rebuilding process in our homes by “Making ‘Your Marriage’ Great Again.” In this episode we discuss four ways to, “Make ‘Your Marriage’ Great Again”
There is a big difference between being committed to your marriage and being devoted to your marriage. Being 'Committed' means you’re loyal to your spouse and that is a good thing. Being 'Devoted' means being zealous for and enjoying your marriage, which is a great thing.
“Hubba Hubba” is an expression historically used by men when they see a good looking woman to express admiration, approval and/or attraction. In this segment we discuss how husbands and wives can show attraction toward each other. We also discuss a survey that claims sharing chores can improve intimacy in marriage.
Special Guest, Denise Malone, Sam's wife fills in and talks about how to prepare for a party without arguing, keeping fireworks in your marriage and much more.
When you say, "I love you" what do you really mean? Biblically speaking, you should love your spouse three ways (Agape, Phileo, Eros). All three are essential to a strong, thriving and passionate marriage.
Part 1: Why do we get irritated when our spouses ask or tell us to do something? The issue is not the task, it’s that we probably feel inconvenienced. In other words, we’ve placed a higher value on the things we want to do than the things our spouses want us to do. Part 2: If you want to get out of a rut, it may be better to make subtle changes instead of a total renovation. Little changes are easier to get comfortable with and learn to enjoy.
Part 1: What you focus on is typically what you will gravitate toward. Therefore, 3 Times a day, you should stop what you are doing for 3 minutes, and reflect on 3 positive characteristics of your spouse. Part 2: Planning a secret getaway with your spouse.
WYSINATI [wissy-notee] = "What You See Is ‘NOT’ All There Is." When entering any discussion in your marriage, WYSINATI should be your default approach, because there’s always more to the story than what you initially see, hear and feel. This segment covers three tips for applying WYSINATI to your marriage.
At the Indianapolis 500 the familiar statement, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Engines" marks the beginning of the race. From that point on it is full throttle. In marriage we tend to do the same thing when it comes to arguing. A familiar phrase is said and it's full throttle from that point on which results in raised blood pressure, higher heart rates, and increased voices. In this segment we discuss five ways to avoid full throttle arguing.
We've all heard the phrase, "A woman's intuition" but is it an old wive's tale or does she really have mystical powers? We discuss how to leverage her 'powers' and why intimacy, in marriage, should not make you feel guilty.
Marriage is similar to a precious gemstone, it should be cherished for a lifetime. In this segment, Sam and Robert discuss the symbolic meaning of different gemstones and how each can represent your unique marriage.
Avoiding conflicts starts with knowing when you are about to enter a conflict. For a lighter look at conflict, we discuss a few phrases that could mean you’re about to enter the spin zone (See Segment #46 for Decoder Ring, Part I).
In marriage, a husband should strive to be more like the catcher than the pitcher. The pitcher is in the spotlight, he’s the center of attention, and he’s considered the number one defensive player. However, he’s mainly focused on one thing, the signal from the catcher. The catcher, on the other hand, is behind home plate which gives him a view of the whole field. From that perspective, he is best able to call the plays and lead the entire team.
Emotional pain is real and creates deep wounds, but they are just wounds. What we mean by that is, wounds heal with time and treatment. The deeper the wound, the more treatment it needs and the longer the healing process, but they will heal over time…
Part I: Just Kidding, Couples kid each other all the time and in most cases, it’s just innocent fun. However, if you’ve ever had to say, “I was just kidding” then you know that even in a strong marriage, some kidding still hurts. And in a marriage that is struggling, it can destroy what’s left of the relationship. Part II: Grooming, running your fingers through her hair or lightly rubbing his arm or neck while watching a romantic comedy will melt away the tension and reignite the passion in your relationship.
If all you ever do is listen to marriage advice and never do what you’ve heard or if you’re waiting for your spouse to jump in first, you will never truly experience the deep waters of a passionate and thriving marriage. In this episode we discuss five steps to getting back into the deep waters of love.
Part I: Losing your job is tough, but don’t allow it to turn you into a wet noodle, someone who mopes around the house as if he or she has no value. The wet noodle syndrome places a heavy strain on a marriage relationship. Part II: If you want to increase the passion in your marriage, you need to be more moody. Not emotionally moody, but romantically moody.
When you're going to have people over you want everything to be in order including making up all of the beds. But, what about when no one is coming over, is it really necessary to make the bed up every day? We answer this question and also talk about why it’s good to stay in bed occasionally.
In marriage spouses get so preoccupied with connecting with everything else through a smart device that they often miss what's happening right in front of them. Learn how to disconnect to connect with your spouse.
The best way I know to develop and maintain a hot & heavy marriage is to adore your wife every day, not just on the special days. In this segment we give you tips on how to show your love every day.
Learning a classical dance can be fun and exciting but in the process you are going to step on each others toes…a lot. The same is true when learning how to overcome issues in your marriage.
Of those who considered divorce, 94 percent were glad they chose to stay married and 85 percent of the unhappiest couples who avoided divorce were now very happy.
If your marriage is not where you want it to be, draw a circle around yourself and then fix what's in the circle. We discuss two questions to ask yourself when in the circle. We also discuss how comfort foods can help your marriage.
In this segment we discuss 5 resolutions for your marriage in the areas of Time, History, Health, Laughter and Investments. We also discuss how to avoid being rejected when he is asking, “Tonight” and she’s thinking, “No.”
Sam’s wife, Denise, joins the show today to share her thoughts about how to manage holiday stress and avoid taking it out on your spouse. Denise gives five ways to reduce stress while focusing on your spouse at the same time. Sam and Denise have a lot of fun and are just adorable to listen to.
Research shows that saying, "I love you" to your spouse three times a day has the most impact on your relationship. Too few times will weaken the marriage bond, too many times will lessen the impact. You should also reserve the phrase, "I love…" for your most important relationships and use, "I really like…" for everything else. Saying, "I love you" and "I love ice cream" diminishes its value.
When you got married no doubt someone told you that "In a blink of an eye…it's over." What they were saying was before you know it the kids will be gone and you'll ask yourself, "Where did all the years go?" So, my advice today is slow down long enough to actually enjoy the journey.
Wives if you want your husbands to engage in a discussion about an issue, you need to learn to 'Talk Turkey.' The idiom "Talking Turkey" means to speak plainly and to go straight to the point.
Mirroring is when one person imitates the emotions or attitudes of another person. This is usually a subconscious reaction. When this happens during an argument, things can spiral out of control in a flash. Learn how to avoid mirroring during an argument.
Before getting married, everyone had some preconceived ideas about what marriage would be like. But to some extent, reality has probably fallen short for some of those expectations. Disappointment is created in the gap between expectations and reality. The greater the gap, the greater the disappointment and disappointment can destroy a marriage. In this segment learn how to reduce the disappointment gap.
All marriages have times when things get strained. When that happens we need to remind ourselves that our spouses really do love us. So, what reminds you that your spouse loves you? It's when he or she says or does...what?
One of the key lessons to learn in marriage is knowing when it's better to be flexible and when it's better to adapt. Flexible means temporarily changing. Adapt means to be permanently altered.
We love options, but sometimes options only confuse us because we tend to make decisions on emotions and feelings instead of facts. This is especially true in a marriage that is struggling.
The Bible says that a man and a women shall ‘become one’ when they get married. What does ‘become one’ look like…it looks like scrambled eggs.
Feeling alone and feeling loneliness are not the same. Alone is simply being by oneself. Alone time in a marriage is often a good thing and for some it can actually energize them and their marriage. Loneliness, on the other hand, is the lack of emotional connection which can occur when you are alone and with others. Loneliness in a marriage is devastating and will more often than not lead to divorce.
Is a King Size Bed good or bad for a marriage? We discuss Myths, Facts and a few Just for Fun points about king size beds and marriage.
'Mirror, mirror on the wall whose the worst spouse of all?' Before you listen too hard for the answer, you may want to first look at who you see in the mirror. Instead of blaming your spouse for his or her shortfalls, commit to being the spouse you want your husband or wife to be by working on your own shortfalls. Also, holding hands.
If there was a site called Spouse-pedia, how much information would you be able to provide about your husband or wife? Getting to know your spouse on an intimate and personal level will strengthen the bond between you and help you have a passionate and thriving marriage. Also, the Hot and Heavy Marriage Tip suggests that you think Lazy River.
In this segment we introduce a new twist on the old saying, ‘put yourself in the other person’s shoes.’ The next time you have an argument with your spouse, take on the role of defense attorney and try arguing your spouse’s point. We also provide guidance regarding etiquette when sexting your spouse…Sextiquette.
Advice for a great marriage…when you realize you’re wrong, just say it. Yeah, you’re spouse will probably really enjoy the moment but in the end your marriage will be stronger because your spouse will respect you more. P.S. Sometimes you're both right because you're arguing about different things...One of you is arguing the facts, the other is arguing the emotions. Part is, All about Him, All About Her.
5 Symbols Your Wedding Ring 'Should' Represent: 5) A Covenant 4) Life-long Commitment 3) Completeness 2) Love & Devotion 1) Fidelity, We talk about each of the five and then switch to discussing, 'How to Massage Techniques"
Today's couples can learn a thing or two about marriage from those who've done marriage right...for a long time. Marriage advice from couples married 50+ years...
Today's segment is in honor of husbands who have endured years of confusion because of things their wives have said. Our hope is that our wives will better understand why we have that look on our face when she says one of the these top 5 Statements/Questions that confuse a husband.
The Golden Rule says to, 'Treat others the way you want to be treated.' That's a good rule except it assumes everyone wants to be treated the same way you want to be treated. If you apply that same mentality to how you show your spouse you love him or her, your spouse will likely feel unloved. Strip Arguing - Each person gets a set amount of time to make his or her point. If the person talking goes over his or her time or the person listening interrupts, the offender must remove a piece of clothing.
A pilot light is a small burner that's kept burning to light a larger burner when needed. If a pilot light has been off for a while, re-lighting it is possible, but it can be a difficult and time consuming process. Emotional connection is the pilot light in a healthy marriage. And just like the pilot light in your fireplace, the one in your marriage should be continuously burning. Otherwise, when you want to turn up the heat in your marriage it may be a more difficult and time consuming process.
If you want to get rid of weeds in your yard, you need to focus on what you want (healthier grass) not what you want to get rid of (weeds). Healthy grass will choke out weeds better than any weed killer and the weeds will be permanently gone. The same is true in marriage. To have a better marriage focus on improving the healthier parts instead of trying to eliminate the unhealthy parts.
Do you yell when you get frustrated with your spouse? Well, checking your heart rate may just be the solution to prevent that from happening. If that doesn’t work, Sam and Robert suggest taking a shower together. In this segment we will explain the heart rate theory and how a shower can make it all better.
How would you rank your marriage in terms of being an example for your kids to follow when they get married? What legacy are you leaving for your kids to emulate? There's a simple way to gauge how your marriage ranks that's based on the childhood game: Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Does talking with your spouse sometimes feel like you're talking with the Amazing Carnac on the Johnny Carson show..."The answer is..." Most of the communication problems couples have stem from one or both of them assuming they know what the other is asking or what their intentions are and they give an answer or react emotionally before they know the real question or intention.
How do you feel about fast food? How about having fast food when your spouse doesn’t want to have it with you? This episode takes a unique and deeply coded humorous look at quick intimacy in marriage.
Want to be a superhero in your marriage, all you need is Big Boy Pants. Grow up, Step up and take responsibility for the health and wellbeing of your marriage by being proactive instead of reactive.
One of the most common topics couples argue about is…Money. It’s always on the top 10 list and usually lands in the top 3 of things couples argue about. Learn four simple steps to keep money from ruining your marriage and hear what made Sam Malone blush.
Do you treat your spouse like you treat your friends? Most marriages would greatly benefit if the couples would stop treating each other like spouses and start treating each other like friends.
Hitting the wall in marriage brings you to the same decision as that of the runner: regroup, make adjustments, and move forward or give up and walk away. Giving up doesn’t fix anything; it only postpones the pain and ensures a future crash into the wall. Moving forward, however, gets you past the wall and back on track. Listen for steps to moving forward past the wall.
Have you ever thought of yourself and your spouse in terms of comic books and novels…probably not, but doing so will greatly help you communicate with your spouse. Learning if you are a comic book or novel communicator will greatly enhance the communication in your marriage.
Sometimes we think it is only us that deal with what seems like trivial issues. But, it's the common things that sometimes create the most tension in a marriage.
Want to turn your marriage around? Take 15 minutes to freshen up before he gets home , give him a 15 sec kiss when he arrives, and wait 15 minutes before discussing the days events.
If you want a marriage that blossoms you need only to follow a few springtime tips: 1) Pull the Weeds, 2) Plant new Flowers, 3) Fertilize, 4) Mulch and 5) Enjoy the Beauty.
Change in marriage is inevitable because change in us is inevitable. If you are not growing together than you are growing apart. Five Tips To Get You Started Moving in the Same Direction.
Do you ever wish your spouse would treat you the way he/she did when you were dating? Getting him/her to do those things again may be easier than you think.
When walking through the mall with your wife, has another attractive woman ever caught your attention? How did your wife respond to your taking notice of the other woman? Probably not the way one wife responded. Receiving attention is very attractive, it creates an emotional attraction that quite often leads to a physical attraction.
Have you ever heard the saying, "You make a better door than a window." It's what you say when someone is blocking your view. It means you're preventing me from seeing something I'm interested in. In marriage we often experience the same thing. We close doors and put blinds on windows to block areas we don't want our spouses to see or know about. Spring is just around the corner so open the doors, pull up the blinds and let the fresh air of spring refresh your marriage.
The average couple spends less than 5 minutes a day speaking one-on-one with each other.
Are the communication lines between you and your spouse open and active or are you running so hard that the signal is weak and staticky?
What can married couples learn from Rodeo Clowns. Three marriage tips based on rodeo clown techniques.
What Hot Wheels car would you like your spouse to be like tonight? Here are some choices to get you started: 1) Off-road Truck: Adventurous, Bumpy Ride, Lots of Turns 2) Luxury Car: Familiar, Smooth Ride, Slow Acceleration, Soft Touch 3) Dragster: Heat Up the Tires, Go Straight to the Finish Line 4) Funny Car: Wild, Silly, Unpredictable Tip: Put the Hot Wheels car you want on the nightstand tonight.
Fifty Shades of Grey opens in theaters this Friday. Should married couples see the movie? Two Thoughts: Don't See the Movie, See the Movie and what to do if you do go.
Do you consider marriage to be a 50/50 relationship? If yes, you'll probably quickly find that your spouse is a poor judge of distance. Marriage in not 50/50, it's 100/100 and since you can't make him or her change you only need to worry about 'your' 100%.
People tend to generalize about food, "Everything fried tastes like fried chicken." Couples tend to generalize about issues in their marriages. If they're struggling in some areas they often say, "the whole marriage is bad." Instead of generalizing try focusing on his or her positive traits and you will taste the true flavors of marriage.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
If you find yourself saying, "I deserve better than him / her" then you should have better. Help your spouse become better by first becoming a better spouse yourself.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
77: The most meaningful and treasured gift you can give this Christmas will be your time and attention. They probably won't remember the wrapped gifts, but they will always treasure their time with you.
77.1: Fresh from the Show!!! In a recent official survey men overwhelmingly said the thing they wanted most from their wives for Christmas was time alone with them. One husband commented, "Just put a ribbon in your hair." And all the men said, "Amen." Wives when shopping for your husbands, drive past the tools store and head to the fabric store for the gift we really want...you and a red ribbon.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
Complaint or Criticism? Complaint - Addresses the behavior, based on facts, is objective. Leads to growth and strength of marriage. Criticism - Attacks the character, is judgmental and subjective. Leads to contempt. If you are criticizing your spouse, you are slowly killing your marriage.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
Is your wife smoking hot? When describing your spouse, smoking hot is a term of endearment that goes way deeper than the surface. My wife is smoking hot because there isn't anyone, anywhere that I want to be with more than her...and she knows it!
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
I won, I won, I won... The prize for winning the argument with your spouse may be a few nights on the couch...alone. When arguing with our spouse, if your intent is to win, you actually lose. If your intent is to resolve your marriage will be the real winner.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
You have a great night out planned with your wife, then she appears from the bedroom and asks 'the' question: "Do I look fat in this?" You freeze, your palms get sweaty, and your heart begins to pound. What you do and say next is critical.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
The flight attendant instructed us, "In case of an emergency put your oxygen mask on first then assist those around you." In a real emergency we would never say, "I will not put on my oxygen mask unless my wife puts hers on first." So why then do we say that in our marriage? When it comes to emergencies in our marriage the process is the same, "Draw a circle around yourself and fix what's in the circle before you try to fix those around you."
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
Most men equate emotional expressions, such as fear, as a sign of weakness. As such, they will mask and hide those emotions at all cost. As a result, men are often accused of being unemotional, insensitive, and uncaring. Men, it?s time to take off the mask.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
Saving your marriage or just taking it to a new level may be as simple as 'kissing' the old marriage goodbye. Kissing can change a stagnant boring marriage into a thriving and passionate marriage, but not just any old kiss will do.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
A husband tells his wife several times a week, "I love you," yet when they argue she says, "You don't love me." Which spouse is wrong? How to say, "I love you" so she can hear you...
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
A great bowl of gumbo and a great marriage have the same recipe. Start with a good base then grab everything else and throw it in the pot. The great thing about gumbo is all the flavors blend together to form something amazing. Just like gumbo, no single ingredient makes a great marriage, it's a blend of several ingredients coming together to make something amazing.
http://www.HonorTheVow.com (Honor The Vow)
http://www.sammalone.com/ (Sam Malone) http://www.AM1070TheAnswer.com (AM 1070 The Answer)
Does your spouse have the gap? The 'gap' is the space between expectations and reality. We all will come up short of our spouse's expectations at times. So, what are you doing with the gap?
There's something about the smell of a new car, the feel of a new gadget, or a trip to a new destination. New is exciting and exhilarating, so why not make it a part of your marriage. If your marriage is in a rut try something new 'with your spouse.'
Most men are clueless when it comes to knowing the true status of their marriage. That's because men typically think everything is good as long as they are providing financially for their family.
Is a spouse night out a good thing and Peter Frampton's 'Baby, I Love Your Way' provides great marriage advice. "Oh baby I love your way, everyday, Wanna tell you I love your way, Oh wanna be with you night and day" You should be telling your spouse every day what you love about them and how much you appreciate them. That's how you get a great marriage.
ABC's of a Great Marriage. A-Adore on another; B-Believe in each other; C-Commit to each othe
"I can see your lips moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah." If this describes conversations with your spouse, try these tips to reconnect and begin to actually enjoy talking with your spouse.
My name is not Elmer and I can't hold your marriage together. Others can't make your marriage great, you're the only glue that can strengthen the bond between you and to your spouse.
Normally you should not sweat or stress over the small stuff, but when it comes to maintaining your marriage it's all about the small stuff. Things like remembering to say "I love you" and noticing she got her hair done that day. Paying attention to the small stuff means you care about all of his or her stuff.
Some would say punctuality equals integrity. Others say socially late equals being polite. Is one or the other view correct or are both views correct?
The say: "Silence is Golden" but in marriage, it's fools gold. Lack of communication is a major contributor to the demise of a marriage.
Johnny Lee captures the essence of what makes a marriage great in his song, 'The Deeper We Fall.' There will be tears, tough roads, and tall mountains, but the deeper our love the easier it will be to make it through them.
Honor The Vow
Sam Malone
AM 1070 The Answer