Parenting Decoded: Recent Episodes
Mary Eschen
This podcast will help all parents with kids of all ages to learn how to decode the mysteries and challenges of being a parent in today's challenging times. We will concentrate on practical parenting approaches that you as a parent can use right away! There are tips and tricks as well as plenty of real life stories to help you see that you can make a difference in your family's life in simple yet noticeable ways. In order for your kids to change, you need to change first! The ripple effect is real and lasting. Enjoy the ride!
How to Stop Nagging Your Kids (And Get Better Results)
The Problem: You're repeating yourself constantly, and it's exhausting everyone. Nagging doesn't work, damages relationships, and prevents kids from developing independence.
What You'll Learn:
- Why nagging fails and what it teaches your children
- How to use natural consequences effectively
- The power of saying things once (and meaning it)
- Creating routines that eliminate daily battles
- Transferring ownership so kids manage their own responsibilities
The Goal: Raise responsible, independent kids while building a stronger relationship—without being the household taskmaster.
Perfect for: Parents tired of the nagging cycle and ready to try strategies that actually work.
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Transform your back-to-school shopping from a budget-busting headache to an opportunity for teaching financial responsibility. I share how I went from spending $100 per child on school supplies to $50 while teaching my kids valuable money lessons in the process.
• Set a firm budget before looking at supply lists and commit to not exceeding it
• Give kids their budget in actual cash so they can physically see their spending limits
• Let them keep whatever they don't spend as an incentive to make smart choices
• Apply the same system to clothes shopping to extend the financial learning
• Even reluctant shoppers benefit from learning how to make purchasing decisions
• Generic supplies work just as well as fancy ones for academic success
• Teaching budgeting and financial trade-offs provides lifelong skills
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Summer break intensifies the screen time battle with teens and tweens, but shifting from screen time enforcer to screen time strategist can transform your approach and relationship with your kids.
You should head over to the Screenagers website for the full blog post "Screen Time and Parental Controls: Simple Tips for a Smoother Summer." but I'm including a brief synopsis in this podcast to help entice you to do that.
Key Steps for a Smooth Screen Summer:
• Trust and verify instead of secretly spying on your children's digital activities
• Maintain ongoing conversations about screen time rather than relying solely on parental controls
• Show grace and compassion when technology rules are broken
• Approach parental controls as experiments to be adjusted, not perfect solutions
• Keep all technology out of bedrooms – perhaps the single most effective strategy
• Involve kids in setting up guidelines to increase their investment in the process
Screenagers has lots of amazing additional resources to help your family navigate the digital world. Check it out!
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Parenting Decoded welcomes McCall Gordon to tackle one of parenting’s toughest questions: Why won’t my kid sleep? Her book is aimed at parents of "livewires" — kids who are more alert, intense, and emotionally reactive than average, making traditional sleep advice ineffective.
McCall explains that temperament plays a huge role in sleep struggles — some kids just have a harder time winding down. These children are perceptive, persistent, and often lack typical “sleepy cues” like yawning. Instead, they need more support and a customized sleep strategy.
She encourages parents to stop blaming themselves. These kids aren’t “bad” sleepers — they’re wired differently. The solution? A gradual, step-by-step approach to bedtime routines, not the cold-turkey methods like “cry it out,” which often backfire for sensitive kids.
McCall’s key advice:
- Understand your child’s temperament
- Taper off bedtime habits gradually
- Use consistent patterns at bedtime and during night wakings
- Think of it like teaching a child to ride a bike — slowly let go while supporting them
She also emphasizes ruling out medical issues for frequent night wakings, especially in infants or kids who snore.
The bottom line: You’re not crazy, and it’s not your fault — you just need a different roadmap.
Link to the book on Amazon: Why Won't You Sleep?
Link to the Audible book: Why Won't You Sleep?
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Tackling the age-old parenting challenge of getting kids to do their chores requires a systematic approach rather than nagging or giving up. We explore a six-step process focused on bedroom cleanup that can transform your family's approach to household responsibilities.
• Breaking down "clean your room" into specific tasks like making the bed, putting clothes in hamper, and picking up toys
• Creating separate lists for daily versus weekly tasks to make expectations more manageable
• Letting children choose when they'll complete their chores (morning, evening, specific days for weekly tasks)
• Setting up clear consequences tied to things kids value rather than making up punishments in the moment
• Working as a team with your children to create the system rather than imposing it on them
• Taking a focused approach by solving one area at a time rather than trying to fix all chore problems simultaneously
Try this approach with bedrooms first, then apply what works to other areas of your home. Remember we're experimenting together with our kids to find what works for our unique family.
LINK to "Energy Drain Ideas" on Mary's website: ENERGY DRAIN IDEAS
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
In this episode, we tackle the important issue of childhood sexual abuse and how to help prevent it. By educating ourselves as parents, we can provide our children with the tools they need to protect themselves.
• Discuss the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse statistics
• Explore the need for children to know proper terminology for body parts
• Encourage open lines of communication about consent and boundaries
Let's work together to change statistics and protect our children.
Here is the full article from AAP:
https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/aap-tips-for-teaching-children-about-body-boundaries-and-safety
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Does your child have a problem with what's in their backpack? You know, those papers that are wrinkled at the bottom? Maybe a permission slip? Or possibly a banana?
Or how about the things that are NOT in their backpack? Do they forget to put their homework in? Or maybe their lunch or water bottle?
In this podcast take a new approach!
We want it to be THEIR fault in their minds. It’s ok that there’s a problem, it’s just not ok if they blame others. But, if we touch their backpacks, it IS our fault!
I have some rules for you:
RULES FOR PARENTS
1 - Don't empty the backpack
2 - Don't pack the backpack
3 - Don't carry the backpack
Don't get me wrong, you're welcome to coach a child but THEY need to do the work. No nagging! Just ASK if they'd like some suggestions. Maybe make lists with them about what's supposed to go IN the backpack before school and what comes OUT after school. Make the lists together, don't just write it all up for them. If they can't read then use pictures or drawings.
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
For some families having lots of Halloween candy floating around our homes causes stress and strain. In this podcast learn some tricks for treating your whole family to a more fun and happy experience as you learn to set limits and boundaries while giving lots of choices and, occassionally, letting your kids make poor decisions.
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Hearing the phrase "secure attachment" makes us think of some academic thesis. BORING! Well, I want to help flip that idea in our minds to "CRUCIAL". Yes, having our kids see us as stable, reliable and empathetic beings in their lives is ESSENTIAL. In this podcast episode I talk to Eli Harwood, a therapist and "attachment nerd", as she calls herself on social media. We talk about how in her book, Raising Securely Attached Kids, you can learn to build a stable and trusting environment for our kids so they will thrive and grow.
In her examples of how secure parents approach problems you can feel relief in knowing there are successful strategies in creating confident kids who know we'll always have their backs.
Eli's new book:
Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting to Create Confidence, Empathy and Resilience
Eli's Good Morning American appearance 8/31/24:
How to Manage Anxiety and Stress at the Beginning of the School Year
Email me at info@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
How much can a 2-, 3- or 4-year-old do? What can they do? They’re so little, right? A toddler? A preschooler? What’s reasonable? What’s not? Are you doing too much as a parent?
All good questions for sure that most of us struggle with! In this podcast we explore what’s reasonable to encourage and train young kids to do from chores to life skills that will build self-confidence and independence.
Here's the list of ideas we cover:
Personal accomplishments:
- Feed themselves
- Pack backpack
- Make bed
- Pick out clothes
- Put clothes in hamper
- Wash their own hands by themselves
Family Contributions
- Setting the table
- Clearing dishes
- Vacuuming
- Dusting
- Fold socks
- Load laundry and start machine
- Unload/put away dishes
- Wash windows
- Take care of pets
- Simple cooking tasks
Outdoor tasks
- Pull weeds
- Rake leaves
- Water plants
Personal Growth
- Learn how to have Solo Play Time
- Have "Reading Time" on their own
- Learn to ride a Balance Bike
Be Assistant to Mom or Dad - these are done with JOY and with Mom or Dad, not alone
- Help make a meal
- Pick up dog poop or clean litter box
- Help take out the trash
- Garden - sweep, dig, plant
- Clean - bathroom, mop floor
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Getting teens and tweens to talk to parents is an age old battle the repeats itself over and over again with each new generation. Times change but our teens wanting independence from us doesn't.
In this episode learn some tips and tricks for how to get our kids to relax and just enjoy being with us so that they'll open up and want to trust us.
There is a list of activities and how to use them to break down the barriers and engage your teens and tweens that should lead to building trusting relationships.
Here are links to things referenced in the episode:
YouTube video: Communicating with TeensBlog Post Transcript Available HERE
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Kids of all ages need to feel connected and loved unconditionally. How can you set up a system in your family for creating and keeping those connections? In this podcast we go over connections for kids between 2 and 10. The next podcast covers what you can do for teens and tweens, a much harder demographic than younger kids who still think the world of you.
In this episode we explore ideas on how to have regular "quick" connections on a daily or weekly basis while also considering longer "dates" with our kids. We talk about how the intention is for each parent to have one-on-one time with each kid in their family.
There are examples of how some families have accomplished this as well as resources for ideas on what to do for "short" connections as well as times to connect in longer, more meaningful ways.
The goal is to set up connections that can go deep and will continue on into their tween and teen years.
Hint: Start young!
Resources for this podcast:
30 Joyful Ways to Connect by OneTimeThrough56 Ways to Connect With Your Kids by TalkingParents.com
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Grumpy kids can really put your home into a foul mood. What can we do to help tame these dark clouds and bring some sunshine back into our lives?
In this episode we'll cover these four steps:
Step 1 – Keep Your Cool
Step 2 – Offer Empathy and Hugs
Step 3 - Fix the Broken Connection
Step 4 – Go on a Trigger Quest and Brainstorm
The transcript for this episode is HERE Here are the resources mentioned in the podcast:
- Kings Corner Card Game YouTube Instruction Video
- Mood Meter Graphic
Parenting Decoded YouTube Videos
- Communicating with Teens and Tweens Parenting Decoded YouTube Video
- Getting Kids to Listen
- Being a Calm Parent
Parenting Decoded Podcast Link
- Anger Management for Parents
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Parents struggle with how to motivate their children toward certain behaviors. Typically rewards and bribes are used.
In this episode learn about when bribes and rewards are most likely to motivate your child. There are pros and cons of both types of motivations. Bribes tend to reinforce negative behaviors, while rewards are commonly thought of as something that's planned ahead and well-thought-out, used for positive behaviors.
However, sometimes our plans backfire! When? How? What do we do? Listen and learn!
Click HERE for a written transcript on my website.
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Kids being bullied isn't new. What's new is the extent at which they are being bullied and, with the internet, in new and harmful ways.
In this episode, we'll cover the different types of bullying:
Verbal - teasing, name-calling, taunting, etc.,
Social - spreading rumors, leaving kids out, embarrassing them, etc.
Physical - hitting, spitting, tripping, etc.
Cyberbullying - using digital devices to cause others harm
Why does bullying occur?
What can families do?
How you can role-play and brainstorm with your child.
Here are resources referenced in the podcast that are also on the transcript that is available and on my website blog:
· https://router-network.com/education/anti-bullying-guide
· https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/bullies.html
· https://www.pacer.org/bullying/
· https://www.stopbullying.gov/
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Do you have an anxious child? Does it worry you or drive you crazy? Either way you need to listen to this podcast!
In this podcast, hear from Stephanie Pinto, founder of Let’s Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids and author of the best-selling book From Chaos to Connection. We talk about how parents can support their kids who have anxiety.
Learn about the 4 different types of anxiety, then the 4 parenting traps that we fall into when we attempt to "help" that wind up having negative impacts.
- Being over reassuring
- Swooping in/Jumping in too soon
- Allowing avoidance
- Being too tough or critical
What can we do to help? Listen in!
Find Stephanie and her resources at www.Stephaniepinto.com. She’s amazing!
Here’s a link to her FACEBOOK and INSTAGRAM if you’d like to follow her.
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Today with the launch of the Barbie movie and so much emphasis on selfies and having perfect bodies, it's worth considering how we help out the millions of kids who aren't "perfect".
In this episode I interview Pam Luk, Founder of Ember & Ace, a clothing brand for plus-sized kids. We talk about how to support our kids both socially and emotionally as well as how we as parents need to tamp down our own feelings about perfection that harm our kids in emotional ways that hurt more than help.
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
What do you with kids who are wired differently? Who might be on the spectrum (ADHD, Asperger's, OCD, etc.)? Maybe they've had a diagnosis, maybe you just can see they are off the charts brilliant and some things but a total failure at socializing with kids their age.
If you have such challenges with your kids, take a listen to Sam Young of Young Scholars Academy in this episode as he explains how his online community for neurodivergent and gifted children works. He brings a strength-based approach to getting our kids to connect in healthy, positive ways while learning at the same time. Lots of topics for kids to connect in small group classes with mentors who help them connect while teaching. What a concept, like minded-students can finally find "their people"!
Young Scholars Academy can be found at YOUNG SCHOLARS ACADEMY.
A list of their classes for FALL 2023 is at FALL 2023 COURSES. If you listen and need this link after Fall 2023, just go to the main website and choose "Courses" from the main menu.
**For anyone listening, there's a special discount of 15% off any classes booked for first-time students!
Use Code:** YSAPARENTINGDECODED15
Email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com or go to my website at www.parentingdecoded.com.
Have a blessed rest of your day!
Some kids seem to be born not caring where stuff is. They rely on us to find things and if we can't find them they blame US! Yikes!
This episode gives you ideas about how to let go of the responsibility for items in our kids lives that should be THEIRS but seem to have become OURS.
Learn how to keep a calm head as we turn over the job of owning "stuff" back to our kids in loving ways.
Most parents seem to get hit with this at some point in our parenting journey. It can start at around 6-7 months and usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood. But… sometimes we’re just put to the test with separation issues and we wish someone would let us know what’s normal, what’s extreme and give us some ideas about what to do.
In this podcast we have Jessica O’Connor, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist to help step us through ideas in dealing with separation at different ages and stages.
For more details about separation anxiety and what do to:
LINK TO BLOG FOR PODCAST 56To reach Jessica O'Connor:
www.jessicaoconnor.org
Lastly, if you are having issues in dealing with yourself or your child please reach out to the 24/7 National Helpline for Substance abuse and mental health services administration 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
Listen to Heath Wilson, co-founder of Aro, talk about their innovative technology that helps families develop good screen habits in a positive and fun way.
There's a smart tech "box" to hold your devices when families decide to have non-tech time and an app that will track how long technology has been in the box. It's the complete opposite of our normal "get off your device" that many families fight about now,! This is more like: "hey, how fun to see how long you been off your device" twist!
You can use the app to have contests with both adults and kids and even track what you were doing while your devices have been in the box. So cool!
Here's a link : GOARO.COMI have a few other podcasts mentioned that can help parents looking for more info in dealing with screen time :
Podcast 11: Screen Time Issues - Part 1 ages preschool through elementary
Podcast 12: Screen Time Issues - Part 2 ages middle to high school
Podcast 44: Screen Time Struggles how to deal with screen addictions with Emily Cherkin
There are so many pressures we face as parents but one of the most challenging can be managing our own parents when it comes to gifting to their grandkids. It's enough to drive some of us crazy!
In this episode we'll talk about the types of interference we might be dealing from our family values being over run to dealing with huge amounts of clutter that we have to organize not to how too many toys can interfere with creativity in our kids. Take a listen to hear more possible issues.
What can you do?
Start by having Family meetings with your parents and in-laws. COMMUNICATE!
Set clear boundaries and offer ideas of what you'd like to see happen. Be willing to compromise and, again, communicate with those you love.
Ideas for gifts they can give:
- The gift of time from movie passes to tickets to museums or water parks
- Lessons - music, art, karate, whatever!
- Donations to a college or savings fund
- Coupon Book made by the grandparents with fun events from sleep overs to paint your nails
- Lots of other ideas when you listen!
Materials mentioned in the podcast about too many toys and kids:
Psychology Today Article
Today's Parent Article
TRANSCRIPT
When you have a child who refuses to read or is delayed in their reading compared to their peers it can be a very stressful time for parents as we try to navigate the what-to-dos and the why-is this-happening-to-my-child thoughts that constantly run through our minds. The same stress can hit us when our kids don’t want to write and then again if they start falling into the “I hate school” mode which really tears us up.
Having learning differences can contribute heavily to this stressful time but knowing what to do and what resources you can employ in your home and in child’s school environment can make a huge difference.
This is why I’ve interviewed Dr. Victoria Waller on this podcast, to provide you with ideas for getting to those resources that your child needs. She’s recently released her book YES! Your Child Can: Creating Success for Children with Learning Differences in which she’s poured her 40 years of experience working with and studying learning differences in children. It’s an invaluable resource and I want you to all know about it.
Take a listen to hear amazing ideas of how to creatively activate the passions of our kids to ignite their abilities to learn. Also find out how to engage teachers and tutors to help leverage those passions to get your child onto a path of success.
Here's a link to order the book: YES! Your Child CanIf you'd like to contact Dr. Waller:Website
In this third installment of my manners series we discuss how to train your kids to chew their food with their mouths closed. It can be a challenge but with some consistency, love and a bit of fun and games it's possible to move your kids into the social graces.
There are two books for younger kids that might come in handy:
“How Dinosaurs Eat Their Food” by Jane Yolen
“Dinner with Olivia” by Emily Sollinger
Here's a copy of the TRANSCRIPT on my website.
Also, feel free to email me with other questions -- mary@parentingdecoded.com.
When kids drain our energy by doing things that drive us crazy we need to respond in a loving and empathetic manner. However, when we're so tired of them doing things that drain us -- like whining, talking back, fighting with their siblings, or ignoring screen time limits -- we just don't know what to do.
In this podcast you'll learn not only how to recognize things that drain your energy but how to let your kids know and then ask them to do things for you that help replenish that energy.
Our kids to need to learn to recognize how their poor decisions to misbehave affect other people. We want to raise kids who are respectful and responsible and this energy replacement can help do just that!
Click here for a list of Energy Drain Replacement IdeasTRANSCRIPT HEREIf you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
What was Mary like as a parent? In this special episode hear from Mary's two grown sons on what it was like growing up with Mary as a parent. They talk about how natural consequences shaped them and how energy drains encouraged them to make better decisions among other topics.
This episode was created at the request of Mary's Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded, who were curious about the long term impact of good, solid parenting techniques on children. What better examples than Mary's boys who went from having a helicopter mom to a consultant mom when they were in middle school. A big change!
What grade did Mary get from her boys on her parenting skills? Take a listen and hear it for yourself!
In this episode we learn how to get our kids to say “thank you” and how to help develop a general sense of appreciation for not only “things” but also training them in thankfulness which will help to promote an “attitude of gratitude”.
- Start Early
- Be Consistent
- Give Praise for using Thank You
- Use Family Meetings to Set Expectations
- Set up Family Thanking Events
- Dinner time thank you routines
- Bedtime blessings routine
- Thank you note practice for birthdays and holidays
- Make it FUN! We'll talk about a few ideas for setting up a "fancy dinner" so we can practice all our manners in a creative and fun way.
Lastly, we'll go over how important modeling good "thank you" practices can be in helping bring thankfulness in our homes.
TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE
We all want our kids to grow up being kind and courteous. In this episode I talk with Teresa Ramirez, a motivational speaker and Kindness Koach. Listen to lots of fun ideas on how to promote kindness inside and outside your home.
Here's some of the ideas we talk about!
-
Model it INSIDE your home
-
Use Family Meetings to talk about how to be kind to each other
- Come up with a list of ideas from putting sweet notes in lunch boxes to doing surprise chores for some one
- Make a meal for everyone,
- Give an extra long hug, pick some flowers for someone
-
Plan a "date" with one of your family members including taking care of the plans and making all the food
-
Model it OUTSIDE your home
-
Help neighbors, hold doors open, help someone with packages at a store, pick up garbage a a park
- Do service projects together - help at a fundraiser, work at a food pantry,
- Send letters or draw pictures to friends who are shut-in
- Visit a senior center
- Write fun and cheerful messages with sidewalk chalk outside your home
- Have a lemonade stand to raise funds for a charity or cause
To get to Teresa's Facebook Page and order your FREE BUBBLES OF JOY!:
JOURNEY IN KINDNESS
To read the full article from Happy Family Happy You: 38 ACTS OF KINDNESS
This is the first podcast in a series relating to getting our kids to learn manners which are fundamental to their becoming responsible, respectful adults. Starting with Life Lessons early has the biggest impact but in this series of podcasts, whether you have a toddler or a teen, it's worth investing in their future through manners.
Here are the basics of what's covered in this podcast:
1 - Start young! The earlier the better. Using "baby sign language" if you have a very little one.
2- With Older Kids Set Family Rules around Manners. Use a Family Meeting to talk about how important manners and and that you're going to start with focusing on the use of "please" in your home.
3 - Practice! It takes lots and lots of practice to get your kids to use please but you need to do it OVER and OVER again. When they don't ask with a "please" just ask them again.
4 - Expect more from older kids. Once they have the basics of using "please" have them incorporate "may I please" instead of just "please can I have".
5 - Role Play! Enjoy some of the learning with your kids by setting up fun events that you can practice and exaggerate what you're doing. Maybe a special candlelit dinner once a month? Maybe a Game Night where you exaggerate asking for dice or cards using "please".
6 - Model What you Want. You as the adult are constantly watched by your kids. Make sure you're using "please" appropriately.
7 - Leverage the Please Request. Your kids WANT something from you. Use this as "currency" that is so valuable to them that they're willing to use "please" to get it. Follow through with it even if they're sassy. Don't get distracted if they are snarky!
TRANSCRIPT AVAILABLE HERE Email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
Sign up for Mary's newsletter at: NEWSLETTER
In this episode I interview Liz Bayardelle author of Clean Your Plate! 13 Things that Good Parents Say that Ruin Kids’ Lives. This book covers all sorts of unintended consequences that good parents say regularly like Get Straight As, Don’t Hit, Sit Still, Don’t Be a Quitter and many more. She goes into detail in all these areas and has wonderful ideas about how to combat our natural tendencies to push our kids in ways that might backfire.
We talk specifically about the impact of parents choosing to say GET STRAIGHT A'S often sends our kids looking for extrinsic motivators like money, extra computer time or other external rewards. These rewards often work in the short run but can put a damper on intrinsic motivators that allow our children to own their own success.
In order for our kids to have their own internal motivations there are four key factors:
- Autonomy - this is where they "own" the ideas, doing things because they're invested in them and not doing them for other people
- Competence - that kids believe they are capable of a skill
- Relatedness - kids are social and if they can see how what they are doing relates to other people they want to be with or emulate they can motivate themselves to push past the work at hand
- Purpose - the task at hand relates to some other passion or goal they are trying to achieve
By encouraging a GROWTH MINDSET we can move away from nurturing kids who aren't fulfilling their potential to growing kids who WANT to achieve goals and move forward.
Get a copy of Liz's book here!
CLEAN YOUR PLATE! 13 Things Good Parents Say That Ruin Kids' LivesAs always, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join her Facebook Group: Parenting Decoded 2021 to hear from Mary more.
Some of us struggle with trying to figure out if our kids are addicted to screens. In this episode Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, and I discuss what causes screen addictions and what resources might help to determine if our kids are addicted. We also go over different levels of intervention in overcoming screen issues in our homes.
Emily is launching a new course for parents that will help train parents week by week to get their arms around the issue. With parenting practices and live one-on-one coaching and support from other parents you will be able to make changes to support new behaviors that will set a balance between screens and life.
The Screentime Consultant
We also discuss resources for more extreme screen addictions. Links to those resources are:
RestartLife.com - Washington based treatment and therapy center to treat screen addiction. Residential treatment program is available.
Restart's link to their assessment quiz: TAKE ADDICTION QUIZ
GameQuitters.com - Online resources for anyone who games but special courses for parents. Links to therapy centers and therapists world-wide.
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me: mary@parentingdecoded.com.
In this episode enjoy hearing from Emily Cherkin, The Screentime Consultant, as we talk about strategies to deal with kids and screen time use in our homes. Emily works with families all the time to help put "tech intentional" ideas into homes. Listen for ideas on how to set clear and reasonable limits in a way that can be integrated into your home, one step at a time.
Emily can be found at: https://thescreentimeconsultant.com/You can learn about her new course on Becoming a Tech-Intentional Parent.Emily has also generously offered to all our listeners access to her e-book resource for free!Mastering Screen TimeIf you have any questions feel free to contact me at mary@parentingdecoded.com
Siblings who hate each other is unfortunately all too common an issue for parents to ignore. In this podcast we explore what a parent can do with their kids who aren't getting along, who are unbearably mean to each other.
Our kids fighting all the time can be:
1 - draining for the ENTIRE family
2 - full of opportunities to learn some life lessons about getting along
In order to help stop the energy drain and actually learn those lessons that will help later in life we cover three possible solutions to try:
1 - Use FAMILY MEETINGS to help set boundaries and Family Rules of Respect
2 - Set up SPECIAL TIME to make sure your parent connection is secure and each of the siblings feel listened to and heard.
3 - Use LOVE LANGUAGES to help the entire family understand what motivates each person in a language that speaks to their inner being where love and acceptance is florishing
There are a few other resources mentioned in this podcast that can give you further examples and information:
Episode #9: Sibling Rivalry - What to Do
Episode #10: Punishment vs. Consequences: What's the Most Effective Discipline?
Episode #17: Creating Calm with Family Meetings
Episode #33: Loving Your Family Using Love Languages
Pint-Sized Treasure's article: “What to Do When Your Kids Hate Each Other”
Mary's Energy Drain Idea List
TRANSCRIPT IN BLOG HERE
If you have questions, please email me mary@parentingdecoded.com.
Setting limits for our kids can be such a challenge. We set them, they ignore or break them. Ugh! In this episode learn how to set better boundaries that we can stick by so that our kids know that we mean what we say.
Learn to say:
1 - "AND WHAT DID I SAY"
Using this phrase helps stop the whining and begging that gets so annoying that we often times give in just to quiet our kids down.
2 - Set consequences for whining and complaining when our kids try to push our boundaries in directions we don't want them to go. Use ENERGY DRAINs if you are wondering what to use.
We review why our boundaries fail and what good boundaries look like:
1. Clearly define the boundaries to our kids
2. Make the boundaries positive
3. Have consequences
4. Be consistent
5. Be reasonable
6. Be calm and loving
Here are some useful links for you:
EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Transcript)EPISODE 20: Creating Calm with Boundaries and Limits (Podcast)
ENERGY DRAIN IDEA LIST
For a full transcript of this podcast see my blog:
TRANSCRIPT
If you have questions please email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
In this podcast learn how to deal with disrespect in your home by teaching and modeling respect while keeping calm.
The truth is, disrespectful behavior is one of the inappropriate ways kids, especially teenagers but not limited to teens, try to solve their problems. Kids can feel powerless in the face of rules and expectations and talking back and showing disrespect is one way they try to take some power back. If they can drag you into an argument, that’s even better: Now you’re arguing about respect instead of focusing on their curfew or their homework or cleaning up their toys!
Listen in on how to tame the disrespect monster:
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Avoid the Fight in the Moment
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Use Family Meetings
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Don’t Take Everything Personally or Overreact
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Model respect
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Don’t Take Our Child’s Side
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Don’t Demand Respect
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Respect Their Choices
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Use Restitution
FULL TRANSCRIPT ON MARY'S BLOG
Life isn’t fair it never has been. How we deal with life is what matters. In this episode learn how you can nurture an understanding of fairness in your child's life as well as ideas on how you can respond to unfairness.
We want our kids to be able to:
- Let them know it's ok to express their emotions when life is unfair
- Encourage them to give praise to others when things aren't fair
- Help them continue with life when things aren't fair
- Have them lead by Example, using grace and humility, when unfairness hits them
- Support them learning from the opportunity when fairness happens
For a full transcript look here: TRANSCRIPT
In this podcast I cover a few things. First, what do bad teachers look like? How do they behave? Next, what can you do about it as a parent and, lastly, what can your child do about making it through the year in once piece having learned what they need to.
Three types of bad teachers:
Fluffy - ones that are nice but don't teach the material
Boring - ones that put you to sleep they are so uninspiring
Mean - ones that yell and are just plain mean; they might have favorites in the class and spend all their time with them; they might get mad at kids who don't understand
In the podcast I go over a step-by-step approach on what to do. Read the transcript listed below if you'd like more details.
1 - Wait and See while doing research
2 - Communicate with the school
- Start with meeting the teacher and discussing the issues
- If needed, escalate to a combo meeting with the principal and the teacher
- If your lone parent concerns aren't addressed then gather together a group of parents to go collectively to meet with the administration
3 - Teach your child ways to cope with the bad teacher
- encourage them to approach the teacher and ask for help
- augment their learning in whatever way makes sense - online, tutors, study groups
- be there! empathize! love them through it
Julie Plagens at Mom Remade's article:
https://momremade.com/survive-bad-teacher/
FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
In this episode I talk with Dr. Weisinger about their approach of transforming harmful parental pressure into healthy pressure. He has just released a new book with Dr. Christopher Thurber, The Unlikely Art of Parental Pressure: A Positive Approach to Pushing Your Child to Be Their Best Self. This book provides a roadmap for parents to engage in healthy pressure with our kids, ways that will help them grow and succeed instead of stifle and crush them.
We, as parents, often struggle with kids who we think aren’t trying their hardest and we want to push harder. We know they can do more. It’s a natural instinct to push but in today’s world it seems like we can go too far and wind up doing more harm than good.
Send me an email at mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group, Parenting Decoded 2021.
Do you have a kid who is always seeking attention? They are pulling on you, saying “Mommy, mommy, watch me!” Or maybe they try to one up anyone just to make themselves look bigger or better than others. Maybe they’ll even make things up to do that?
In this episode you'll learn why your kids are acting that way and how to bring new skills into the mix so you can work with them in a positive way so they go from annoying to adorable.
Take a listen!
Send me email at mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have any questions!
FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
In this episode Mary interviews author Elaine Taylor-Kraus from ImpactParents about her new book: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and MoreThis guide gives all parents a guide in how to best help their children overcome their challenges in healthy, loving and practical ways.
Whether or not you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, Asperger’s, any other executive function issues or you’re just worried that your child is out of step with their peers, please listen in for some great advice on how her book can help you in your journey. Personally, I think we all have complex kids and can learn from Elaine’s wisdom.
She also discusses her parenting class that is a combination of online learning and coaching sessions called Sanity School that is a great compliment to her new book.
In this episode learn how to get to the heart of your child and teach them how to apologize.
Learn how to:
1 - Wait till the emotion has passed
2 - Brainstorm with your child to encourage ideas of how the apology can work for them
3 - If their hearts won't melt then allow consequences of their poor decision to not apologize guide them to make better choices.
Did your parents ever force you to apologize? Did it really make you feel sorry? I’m guessing that, like me, you probably just felt worse, felt embarrassed and it made you even more mad at whatever/whomever caused you to be rude in the first place.
Apologies are really important, however; what we want is for the heart of our kid to change, to have them understand that their behavior was unacceptable and caused hurt in another human being. In this podcast are some ideas that might be more effective at changing your child's heart instead of just forcing them through the motions of an insincere “I’m sorry.”
See TRANSCRIPT HERE.
In this episode we’ll talk about how to get our older kids, teens and tweens, to experience the bigger picture stuff and expose them to some of the messiness of life in a loving, supportive environment where they might even mess up some. Everything from chores they should know how to do on their own to handling money, cars and how to get a part time job. I’ll talk about planning vacations in addition to how to handle routine paperwork and cooking. It’s sort of a laundry list of items I think any parent should consider when training your kids for the future.
Here's a list of topics that are covered:
Laundry
Cooking
Cleaning House
Yard work
Painting
Money
Filling out forms
Getting a part-time job
Keeping track of time
Vacation planning
Car driving, care and maintenance
SEE FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
If you have questions, email Mary at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
Understanding how a person perceives love is essential for knowing how to communicate love to them. In this interview I'm so happy to have Bec and Holly who have a podcast called ILoveYouTooMuchToArgue to explain what Love Languages are and how to use them in your family.
Five Love Languages are:
Acts of Service
Gifts
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Take the free online quiz!
Find Holly and Bec anywhere you listen to podcasts and you can contact them at iloveyoutoomuchtoargue@gmail.com or on their Instagram page - @ILoveYouTooMuchtoArguePodcast
In this podcast I interview Richard Carpriola an expert in addiction counseling with over 20 years of experience. He's the author of The Addicted Child: A Parent's Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse.
I found the book and talking with Richard really useful in learning about the different substances – marijuana, alcohol, vaping, inhalants and more, and what signs to look for in determining addiction and where to turn if you need help. Leave a review and let me know what you think!
Leave me a review or email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
Do you have kids who are always running to the car and saying: “I’m first!”? Or maybe they argue over who mom or dad reads to first at night? How about who gets to sit where at the dinner table? Or who does dad pour the catsup on French fries first? I know my boys would have a battle each time we got into an elevator over who gets to push the buttons. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? You might even say it “drains your energy” if you’re a Love and Logic parent.
In this podcast I want to help you turn that constant bickering into an opportunity for modeling cooperation and fairness. You'll learn to use a problem solving method with your kids that allows everyone to have a say in how things that were once competitions can become fair and equitable situations.
You'll learn:
Step 1 - how to set up a Family Meeting
Step 2 - how to start the Family Meeting
Step 3 - How to brainstorm ideas of what possible solutions there could be
Step 4 - How to select which idea you'll experiment with first
Step 5 - Run the experiment
Step 6 - Review the results and revise ideas for another round of experiments
Step 7 - Celebrate a win!
By modeling these problem solving steps together as a family your children will learn that it's possible to come up with solutions and that the best solutions take time and effort to come to.
SEE FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
Parents are often baffled by their kids not listening and totally ignoring them. In this seminar which was taped during a Zoom presentation, parents learn that how we talk to our kids and when we talk to them has a huge impact on their ability to listen to us.
In this talk you'll learn not only WHEN to communicate but about these techniques to be more impactful when you do:
- How to go "brain dead" when our kids are emotional
- How to use loving limits to state what you're willing to do
- How giving choices can activate your kid's brain while sharing control about things you don't really mind sharing
- How letting our kids solve their own problems instead of hovering and telling them what to do can allow our kids to feel supported and listened to
If you'd like to watch the YouTube video, here's a link for that: YouTube Link
If you have questions, email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
This is special podcast recording of a seminar at Prospect High School meant for all of you who are having a tough time communicating with your teens. I also have a YouTube version from Evergreen High School that includes all my PowerPoint slides that you can find on my Parenting Decoded YouTube Channel. Whether you prefer podcasts or YouTube I want get you as much help as I can in supporting your teen.
In this seminar I go over how we currently talk to our teens, what that might be communicating to them and finally ideas on how we can break through to our teens using good choices, setting loving limits, and allowing them to solve their own problems. I’ll show you how to come alongside your teen in a loving and empathetic way that allows them to own their lives and lets us be a helpful consultant instead of an interfering helicopter or drill sergeant.
YOUTUBE Communicating with Teens
If you have an organization who’d benefit from hearing this presentation either on Zoom or in person, please contact me. I’d love to reach more folks and it’s seminars like these that seem to reach the most parents.
If you have questions, please contact me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
In this episode I interview Bianca D'Agostino. She's a family and child therapist in Ottawa Canada who has lots of experience help families with issues around anxiety.
Here's the link to Bianca's helpful graphic on the different levels of anxiety, A through F:
ANXIETY GRAPHIC
Bianca's contact info and professional information:
BIANCA D'GOSTINO
This is the audio version of my online seminar which is also available on my YouTube Channel, Parenting Decoded. There is also a YouTube link to this seminar if you'd like to see all the slides that go along with this presentation. YouTube LINK
In this expanded conversation we go over tips to handle our anger that is triggered by our children and family situations.
The most important of these is setting up a RELATIONSHIP SAFETY TEAM.
1 - YOU
2 - Your Spouse or Partner
3 - Your Children
In each area we talk about how to use the Team Members to optimize communication in our homes. It is good COMMUNICATION that will make all the difference in your homes. Each Team Member can help make this happen.
1 - YOU
- Start to recognize when your anger is coming on and how to stay out of Fight or Flight mode.
- Use Brain Dead so you DON'T engage when kids are annoying
- Separate if you have to
- Learn a few mindfulness techniques or get mindfulness apps on your phone
- If you really can't get your anger under control, consider seeking professional help
2 - Your Spouse or Partner
- Develop verbal signals to help signal that you are needing help with anger
- Develop non-verbal signals as well by using physical queues or touch
- Help set up Calm Down options
- Make sure each partner has "Me Time" to recharge
3 - Your Children
- Set up verbal and non-verbal signals for your kids to use with you
- Hold regular FAMILY MEETINGS to discuss sensitive topics
- Model problem solving skills to show how communication about things that bother us helps to keep anger and resentment under control
Use other techniques to prevent anger triggers from happening:
- Setting Loving Limits - set up what YOU will do for your kids in a loving and positive manner
- Choices - use them A LOT!!! Give our kids as much control over things you don't care about
- Problem Solving - let kids make mistakes with love and empathy
BOTTOMLINE: Communication is going to make a HUGE difference in your parenting journey.
Email me mary@parentingdecoded.com if you have questions!
26: Lying, Cheating, and Stealing
Many parents get very upset when they catch their children lying, stealing, or cheating. We all hate the feeling of betrayal, being lied to, or cheated. But we all lie for lots of reasons. Sometimes to cover up bad behaviours. Other times, we do it out of fear because we want to spare ourselves of punishment or avoid sanctions.
The same goes with our young ones. But one thing is certain, it’s often not as intentional as we adults think and do.
Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, your child keeps on lying? Why do they do it? How can you encourage your children to tell the truth?
Join me in this episode as I go into detail about why our children lie as well as the strategies you can use to address lying!
What you will learn in this episode:
- Why lying bugs us so much?
- Why do kids lie and why does it come so easily to them?
- The different categories of lying and where your child might fit into
- The 3 main goals for parents when dealing with lying
- Teaching your kids how to apologize from the heart
- How to teach and help your kids learn from their mistakes
- Age-based ideas on dealing with lying
- Earning back your child’s trust
- How to encourage honesty
- Communication will always be key in a loving relationship
Resources Mentioned:
- How to Handle Your Child’s Dishonesty by Child-Psych.org
- Why Kids Lie from ChildMind.org by ChildMind.org
- Cheese Pizza Idea from Natasha at ReadingIsBetterThanChocolate.com
- Lying Guide By Age from Parents.com
- Honor Code Ideas by ReadBrightly.com
- Favorite Picture Books on Honesty from ChildrensLitLove.com
- How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish
Share this episode with a friend! Please email your questions to mary@parentingdecoded.com or join my Facebook Group for more chatter on parenting topics.
Join the FREE Lecture on Anger Management for Parents this Thursday, February 25, 2021 8-9pm SIGN UP HERETRANSCRIPT OF ENTIRE PODCAST
Tantrums continue to be a huge problem for parents. Take a listen to this one hour Zoom seminar Mary did with a live audience with lots of practical advice on how to get a handle on tantrums in your home. Learn about:
- Why tantrums happen
- What to do while the tantrum is happening
- What to do AFTER the tantrum is over
- How to avoid tantrums in the future
If you'd like to see the full video with slides go to the Parenting Decoded YouTube channel:
WATCH VIDEO HERE
Mood Chart:
LINK TO MOOD CHART
It’s very difficult as a parent to see our kids struggle either academically or socially. For some of us we feel that our kid is the only one struggling and we have no idea where to turn to. In this podcast I interview Lexie Burnes of NeuroPlay Academics for information about how and when you might look to get your child tested if you suspect something is not quite right.
I don't have a transcript yet but here's a link to Lexie's website:
http://www.neuroplaybraintraining.com/
Holidays and gift giving can bring about so much stress to families who are sucked into the commercialism of our current situation. In this podcast I want to give you all some hints about making gift giving a more heartfelt experience not only from you as the giver but also how to create an attitude of gratitude in our kids who are receiving those gifts. I’ll also go over some ideas about how to handle sibling-to-sibling giving as well as extended family situations which can easily get messy. I’m recording this in the holiday season, but it really applies to gifting at birthdays, graduations or any other type of event.
The article from Happy You, Happy Family that I talk about in this podcast can be found here:GIFT IDEAS from Happy You, Happy Family
TRANSCRIPT OF ENTIRE EPISODE
Kids are self-centered from the get-go, no doubt about it. We have to teach them to be grateful for all that they have, all that we give them. But, how on earth do we do that when there's so much taking and so little giving going on around us?
First, I want to talk about entitlement – what it is and how it can grow out of control. Then I’ll go over ideas on how to nurture an attitude of gratitude in your home.
Beware of these entitlement issues in your home:
1. Giving instant gratification
2. Rewards are expected
3. Boundaries are not respected
4. Life is supposed to be “Fair”
5. Providing constant entertainment
Try some of these ideas on how to grow an attitude of gratitude instead:
- Stop complaining
- Reframe things in the positive
- Teach delayed gratification
- Teach the value of hard work
- Set healthy boundaries and say NO
- Teach kids about money
- Do a charity project
- Expand your family's cultural experiences
- Practice acts of kindness
- Use gratitude in your daily conversations
- Don't give rewards all the time
- Limit gifts
- Donate
- Write Thank You Notes
VIEW FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
Are you having trouble deciding whether to give in to your child's request to quit an activity? Feeling like you might be raising a kid to be a quitter if you do ? Take a listen to help you navigate this touchy subject!
It seems that many parents have to cross the threshold of their child wanting to quit an activity. It could be piano, basketball, soccer, violin, clarinet, tutoring, gymnastics, karate, whatever. Sometimes it's just private lessons that only impact your child. Other times, quitting impacts a whole a team which adds a dimension of guilt either by your child or maybe you especially if you’re the coach and your child no longer wants to play. In this podcast we’re going to talk about things to consider when running up against this issue in your own home then we will go over some real-life situations to make all a little more real.
I just want to start out saying that the reason this is so tough is because there IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. Yep, you really have to take lots of things into consideration, it's not a one-stop-shop.
TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE
Our kids are smart. They really know how to manipulate us into getting what they want – crying, whining, having tantrums, giving us the silent treatment. It can be overwhelming. In my last podcast we were learning how to use choices early to avoid power struggles from the get-go. In this podcast we’re going to follow along that positive path by using another technique that is a companion to choices – setting boundaries and limits.
Kids to better knowing the rules. Here are the guidelines to follow that I cover in this podcast:
1 - Define the boundaries
2 - Keep them positive
3 - Have consequences
4 - Be consistent
5 - Be reasonable
6 - Be calm and loving
FULL TRANSCRIPT HERE
Do you feel like you’re always battling your child? You tell them to do something and you immediately get a “no” followed by whining and complaining or outright defiance? A simple request that turns into a war is enough to send us over the edge sometimes.
In this podcast I talk about how to avoid power struggles by using a secret weapon -- Choices! When used BEFORE battles start choices can be super effective.
If you kids are young, using playful choices when you know things might be difficult for them like transitioning from one location or activity to another. When your kids get older using choices can help increase independence and give them control that they really crave.
To join the Parenting Decode Facebook group use this web invitation:
www.facebook.com/groups/parentingdecoded/
Read the whole TRANSCRIPT on my website.
I'm in California where parents are going through setting up and managing distanced learning in their homes since almost no schools are doing in-person learning.
This podcast will cover these areas:
1 - Physical LEARNING AREA - how to organize it, get rid of distractions, provide a quiet area to focus, how and when to charge and test devices, and how to keep online safety in your home in mind
2 - Establish clear routines - have daily and weekly schedules, post them, have morning and afternoon "check-in" sessions, figure out how to deal with time using timers and alarms
Pinterest Schedules Link
3 - Encourage independence - let your kids know their work is their work! Let the teacher teach while letting your child own their own work and learn how to ask the teacher for help with they get stuck or bored
4 - Support family learning - have fun using learning for tasks like cooking, gardening, laundry and vacuuming! Be creative to see that learning can be fun and go on when kids aren't online. Most importantly, have some ideas for activities if there are problems getting online or doing school work. Here are some links to my Pinterest pages with ideas:
https://www.pinterest.com/maryeschenparentingdecoded/boredom-busters/
https://www.pinterest.com/maryeschenparentingdecoded/kids-fun-indoor-activities/
https://www.pinterest.com/maryeschenparentingdecoded/activities-for-teens/
5 - Lead your team with Family Meetings to talk about issues like - when quiet times are, how to interrupt mom or dad while they're working, how do have time with friends and special time with parents.
The point with all of this is to provide some structure and be flexible to solve problems as they come up.
Email me if you'd like to brainstorm ideas for your situation: mary@parentingdecoded.com
TRANSCRIPT HERE
Many of us struggle with kids who whine, disobey and maybe even lie just to get their way. We get so exasperated we want to explode and some of us certainly do explode.
In this podcast we’ll explore what happens in our families if we’re always operating in “crisis mode” then talk about ways to avoid ever getting into that mode by using Family Meetings to set boundaries and limits while communicating as a family what behaviors are acceptable and expected.
Using this step-by-step method you can set a clear path to success for your family as a team and learn to solve problems together and celebrate living and learning in an ever changing world.
Here's a transcript of the podcast: TRANSCRIPT
In this podcast I’m going to cover issues relating to money with middle and high schoolers. I will go over how to give money and how much, when to give money, and how to set up responsible money habits including how to use an ATM card, checking account, credit cards.
Money is a huge challenge for us all and at this stage your high schooler or middle schooler is at a huge crossroads with learning life skills. Dealing with money is a much-neglected skill during these years yet they are the most crucial years to allow as many affordable mistakes as possible. This makes money a prime target for small mistakes now to avoid big mistakes later. If you know someone who can’t manage money as an adult, I’m going to guess their parents didn’t teach them much about it, might have given in to every whim just to keep them happy when they were young. Hey, that adult might even be you!
If you listened to my podcast about money for younger kids, you’ll have already heard how to start a small budget for vacations and special events that I call a trinket budget. We’re going to expand on that concept greatly by including more of the day-to-day expenses our kids encounter, not just vacations and special events.
With older kids I want to help you introduce money concepts so that by the time they graduate from high school they know about budgeting, credit cards and debt. I’m even going to show you a way to tie in getting chores done which is such a bonus. You want to launch a financially responsible child into the world so that you won’t be paying their bills for the rest of your life.
Here's a transcript of the podcast: TRANSCRIPT
There are things to do at different ages and stages to help introduce money concepts to your kids so that by the time they graduate from high school they know about budgeting, credit cards and debt. In this podcast, I’ll concentrate on what to do with younger kids, from toddler years up through elementary school using a simple spend-save-share method.
Here's a transcript of the podcast: TRANSCRIPTIf you'd like to look at the Pinterest board on Kids and Money here's a link for that: PINTEREST
I’ve had quite a few people asking me about chores – how to set them up, do you pay for them, how much do you pay, is allowance tied to chores, do I need chore charts with rewards, what do I do if my kid won’t do their chores. In this podcast I want to address all those issues and more. Chores let your kids develop life skills that, if taught well, will launch them into a good place in life. I’ll start with the research behind why chores are important and then I’ll get into the nitty-gritty of how to implement chores with kids of various ages.
Go to my website for a full transcript of this podcast:
TRANSCRIPT
Pinterest Board on Kids Chores:
PINTEREST
In this episode I talk about the anger in our homes that gets directed at our children and some ideas for how we can get it under control. First, I’ll talk about the impact anger has on our families then three ways to help mitigate anger in your home. Lastly, I’ll give you some fun and creative ideas about how to repair relationships with your kids.
Here's a link to IdealistMom.com's article on the "Five Hair Ties" solution for getting positive interactions into your home.
https://happyyouhappyfamily.com/angry-mother/
To read a transcript of this entire podcast go to my parentingwithlogic.com website here:
https://www.parentingwithlogic.com/success-stories-blog/podcast-13-anger-managment-for-parents
In Part 2, I cover my final 5 rules dealing with older kids when individual cell-phones, laptops and other electronics come in to play by about middle school.
Rule 9: Use Contracts
Rule 10: Use Monitoring Software
Rule 11: Talk About Online Safety
Rule 12: Talk About Social Media and Gaming
Rule 13: Talk about Porn
Here are links to resources mentioned in the podcast:
Helpful Websites for Keeping Up To Datewww.CommonSenseMedia.org
www.Axis.org
www.StayHipp.com
Digital Contract Samplehttps://www.parentingwithlogic.com/family-digital-contract.html
Book for Talking to Younger Kids about Pornhttps://www.amazon.com/Good-Pictures-Bad-Porn-Proofing-Todays-ebook/dp/B07KQFWR6J/ref=sr_1_1?crid=M3J0KWQJUIJ&dchild=1&keywords=good+pictures+bad+pictures&qid=1590185110&sprefix=good+picture%2Caps%2C218&sr=8-1
Website Resources for Talking to Teens about Pornhttps://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/entertainment-technology/pornography-sexting/pornography-talking-with-teens
https://childmind.org/article/how-to-talk-to-teenagers-about-porn/
As most parents have noticed screens are a constant source of friction in our households that just never seems to end.
This podcast is the first of two parts; Part 1 targeting younger families and how to deal with what I call “family screens.” I go over ways we can set up screens in our family in such a way that there are limits with obedience, and if there’s not, how to set up effective consequences.
Although the target audience for Part I is parents with toddlers to middle schoolers there are really fundamental things for all families to set up so it’s best to listen to this before moving on to Part 2 even if you have older kids. On the flip side, even if you have younger kids I recommend you listen to Part 2 when it comes out so you can prepare for what’s ahead. This issue is super, super difficult, constantly changing, hard to understand and it’s so important for us parents to be on top of this and stay current.
As I mentioned, Part 1 is going to deal with what I call “family screens”. These are the electronics in your house that are family owned – iPads, laptops, tablets, TVs, gaming systems and such that are shared among the family members. This is usually the stage from toddler until late elementary to middle school when kids start getting their own phones and laptops. In this podcast I’m going to cover 8 rules for what I think it takes to set up good screen time then in Part 2 I’ll cover my final 5 rules dealing with older kids when individual cell-phones, laptops and other electronics come in to play.
Learn the 8 rules to follow:
Rule 1: Keep Electronics Out of the Bedroom
Rule 2: Keep Electronics in Public Places
Rule 3: Set Time Limits and Stick to Them
Rule 4: Define Consequences
Rule 5: Use Parental Control Software
Rule 6: Allocate Family Time
Rule 7: Encourage Downtime
Rule 8: Model It!
Here's a link to Bark-O-Matic mentioned in the podcast:
BARK-O-MATIC
For a link to the transcript of this podcast see my blog on my website at:
PODCAST TRANSCRIPT
Getting our kids to obey and comply is a daily struggle for so many. Our classic styles of punishment just seem to be falling on deaf ears these days, doesn't it? You can take stuff away or give time outs until your face turns blue and the next day your kids are right back on their bad behaviors. Right?
In this episode we'll talk about why "punishments" are only temporarily effective. Instead, using a combination of
- Natural Consequences - when something has happened that has enough natural "pain" to it so that the teachable moment for poor behavior can do the teaching for us -- like breaking a toy or losing a backpack or not finishing homework.
- Energy Replacement - when there's no logical consequence (like hitting a sibling or violating electronics limits) and so we have our kids come up with ways to replace the energy and peace and harmony from our lives when that happened. Our kids do chores or acts of service to replace that energy.
We need to change the hearts of our kids by letting them own the consequences of their poor decision to misbehave.
Here are the links for further material I refer to in this podcast:
Love and Logic Energy Drain - audio
Energy Drain Idea List
Transcript HERE
If you have questions please email me at mary@parentingdecoded.com.
In this episode we talk about what good might come from sibling rivalry but then some really practical techniques to use with your kids:
- not taking sides
- separating our kids
- teaching them communication skills
- setting aside Special Time
I also talk about the very useful technique from Love and Logic Institute called Energy Drain and where to get more information on how to get your own energy back after your kids fight and argue.
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
Here are the links I refer to in my podcast of other resources:
Love and Logic audios
Energy Drain - Love and Logic Magic When Kids Drain Your Energy
Sibling Rivalry
Mary's Energy Drain Idea List
In this podcast we about how to handle sleep for our tweens and teens and why sleep seems to be so difficult for them biologically and socially. I want to give you some ideas about how to react and manage both your expectations and theirs regarding this really essential part of their growing years. With the stresses in our environment today the impact of sleep on our mental health and immune system is super important for us to pay attention to so I hope these ideas will smooth out a few issues in your home.
Some highlights:
- Academic stress is robbing our kids of sleep
- Electonics needs to be managed
- Bedtimes for middle schoolers are fine
- No required bedtimes for high schoolers since we need them to learn how to manage their sleep.
- Help to have input into their wake-up times instead of when they go to bed
- If they are grumpy in the morning give them empathy and offer to help
- Plan Special Time with your teen to allow for one-on-one brainstorming about issues
- Most importantly have a relationship with your teen, no yelling or nagging!
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
This podcast is for parents of toddlers through elementary school, I have a separate podcast on dealing with issues of sleep and teens so please head there if you have older kids. In this podcast we’ll go through some ideas for moving toward bed, getting ready for bed, turning out the lights and finally ideas for those of you who have kids who wake up at night. With that said, let’s get started.
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
Today with CoVID-19 virus keeping families in close quarters I wanted to do a special podcast to help with tantrums that might be happening way too often. Tantrums can be so draining and disruptive to happy family life so in this hour of great need I’m going to talk about:
· the emotion behind the tantrums
· how to set up “calm down” time
· how to brainstorm with our kids after meltdown
The target for this podcast is parents of toddlers through elementary school so if you have a teen, I’d recommend that you listen to my second podcast called: Teens: Respect, Emotions and Brains.
For more information on my website about Love and Logic Institute's Uh Oh Song please look here for more info and links to their website www.loveandlogic.com:
https://www.parentingwithlogic.com/uh-oh-song.html
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
We often fret about young ones not eating right but things can be just as stressful for parents of teens and tweens. In this episode I talk about what to do when:
- Teens skip meals
- When lack of food gets kids emotional or "hangry" as it's commonly called
- How to deal with different diets our kids experiment with
Enjoy!
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
Food battles are so common in families this podcast is dedicated to giving ideas on how to move from battle to harmony at mealtime.
Here are some of the items covered:
Family Mealtime Rules
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We eat at the table
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We don’t have electronics, toys, or books while we eat
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If a kid can lift a fork on their own, they need to feed themselves
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When someone gets up from the table, they are done eating
I go into detail about how to implement each of these rules.
I also talk about ways to expand the foods that your kids eat by doing the following things:
- Take the power away from your kids about what they eat. You have to not care.
- Don't be anxious about their eating, you being chill will really help and they will settle down over time if there's no medical issues. Let your pediatrician be the guide.
- Offer at least one choice on their plates they like.
- Have a food treasure hunt with your kids in getting them to try new foods. Even let them spit it out if they don't like it!
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
You also might need to use Energy Drain techniques from Love and Logic Institute. Here is a link to more info about that:
ENERGY DRAIN
In this episode we review a number of different situations where a parent not remembering something allowed their children to become responsible and prove to themselves and their parents that they are capable as well.
We also learn how being the "Finder" parent in your household isn't as helpful as we think it is. Finder parents are those parents who know where everything in the house is thus allowing their family members to have a reason to not be responsible for their own stuff. This unthankful job should be abandoned ASAP since we are robbing our children of the life lessons of what happens when they forget.
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
In this episode targeted toward parents of teens we'll learn how to deal with disrespect in our home. As part of dealing with disrespect we learn what happens to our teens and tweens when they get upset. We learn about the brain science behind the teen brain that makes maintaining respect in our homes more difficult.
We discuss the ways in which parents react to disrespect and how it doesn't work.
We will cover how waiting until the emotional moment has passed and putting up with the disrespect for a while will be the magic weapon we'll use to gain control of respect once again. Once we are all calm then we will be able to have rational discussions with our teens and get them to put positive energy back into our relationships creating the respect that we're looking for.
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST
Date: 2/25/20
Episode #1 - Helicopter Parenting
Take a look at how to decode this now classic style of parenting -- the Helicopter Parent. The hovering and nagging are holding our kids back! Learn why we do this and get hints on what to do about it so you can raise a responsible, respectful child to be an independent and amazing adult.
HOW WE HELICOPTER
- Hovering
- Nagging
2:30min
WHY WE HELICOPTER - three examples
- Forgetting a lunch box: a kid might be hungry
- Not waking up in the morning: a kid might not make it to school
- Contantly checking grades and assignments: a kid might not get all their assignments, projects and grades that they need to be successful in life
We don't trust that our kids can handle life. Without us they'll fail!
4:45min
HOW HELICOPTERING HARMS OUR KIDS
- Lunchbox kid: learns they can ignore the parents, that if their lunch is forgotten it's not their fault, it's their parent's fault
- Waking up kid: learns if they aren't ready on time then it's their parent's fault
- Grade checking parent: the kid learns they don't have to watch and plan, their parent will do it for them
6:50min
LETTING GO EXAMPLE - let my kid ready on his own
Once I stopped helicoptering my son learned how to plan his own reading schedule. We did some brainstorming but he owned it!
10:20min
UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
1 - Self Confidence is undermined. When we do too much because we don't trust our kids to take care of everything then they start believing that it's true.
2 - Lazy, entitled kids are created. When we do too much the kids learn that we'll do lots for them just to protect them so they learn they don't have to do things since mom or dad will cover for them.
12:30min
LET THEM FAIL!
We need to let go! To give our kids love and empathy as they make mistakes. Let them forget their lunch or be late for school. Heaven forbid but let them turn in assignments late or get a bad grade. They need to know what it feels like to fail so that they'll want to succeed.
16:00min
The End!
Contact Info:
If you have parenting questions of your own please email me: mary@parentingwithlogic.com.
My website and blog can be found at www.parentingwithlogic.com.
Here: TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST