Pulled By The Root - Amplifying Adoption Issues: Recent Episodes
Heidi Marble - Alysa Zalma MD - Stephanie Pipes - Sean Farley
My name is Heidi Marble. I am a domestic adoptee/author/speaker born in 1965. I did not realize the depth of pain caused from my own relinquishment until later in life. The loss surrounding adoption is so far reaching it is hard to grasp; the gravity of hurt pulled me to take action. Fueled by our amazing team, Pulled By The Root has become a collective platform that elevates, honors and gives voice to the issues surrounding adoption. Our podcast is a place to listen to an aggregate of conversations. From these varied perspectives we can learn more about the complexities of adoption, healing and trauma. There are over 70 completed interviews to date, so be on the lookout for new episodes. To learn more please check out our website at: https://www.pulledbytheroot.com
Open Mic Episode with Heidi, Elle, and Amy – Hosts of Pulled By The Root.
Before recording interviews, we always take time to dive deep with one another. Amy thought it would be meaningful to share some of those behind-the-scenes conversations with you. For this episode, the only guideline was simple: bring a few topics—but don’t tell anyone what they are in advance. What unfolded instead was an organic, heartfelt dialogue about what it means to be adopted and how that experience continues to shape our lives.
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Adrian Burks is currently working on a documentary called Finding Home which is a search for honest answers about family and identity. Adrian documents three adopted people (including himself) as he explores the different stages of connection with their adoptive and biological parents.
He is also a dynamic and rising talent in the world of film and television, known for his natural charisma, emotional depth, and powerful screen presence. With a growing body of work that spans drama, comedy, and action. Adrian brings authenticity and nuance to every role he takes on. Whether he’s lighting up the screen in independent projects or delivering memorable performances in major productions. Adrian’s dedication to his craft and magnetic energy make him a standout in today’s entertainment landscape. Offscreen, he’s passionate about storytelling that uplifts underrepresented voices and explores the complexity of the human experience.
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In this episode, Heather Sachs courageously dives into the issues surrounding adoption loss. Here are her words:
I am adopted and see myself as a disrupter as well. The more we put our stories out there, the more we can change the narrative to being adoptee focused! I was adopted at two when my mother relinquished me to her then boss. Like many others, I didn’t even know that adoption/relinquishment was trauma until a therapist told me so. Only at that point was I able to start the journey reparenting myself enough to heal some of my abandonment wounds. I’ve subsequently became passionate about genealogy as a means to help adoptees establish the roots they have felt they are missing all their lives. I’ve found creating biological family trees can help adoptees remember that despite their mother and fathers inability to keep their family together, they still are made up of numerous ancestors DNA and stories. I love to help them find those stories.
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Dr. Deborah Sweet is a licensed Psychologist who specializes in adults recovering from childhood trauma. To treat trauma she uses Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, Brainspotting, the Havening Technique, IFS and the pit model.
She is also certified coach for personal growth. Before her career in mental health, she worked in the music and film businesses. She was the founder of the Trauma Counseling Center of Los Angeles and is currently working on a book.
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Trigger warning:
In honor of Joshua’s life, Nicholas Fontana agreed to film with PBTR a few years ago to share his experience of losing his adopted friend Joshua to suicide. I ran into Nicholas at a mutual friends party a few weeks ago. Everything fell away as we began to speak about the effort to heal and all of the ways he has made progress. I asked Nicholas if he would be willing to be on the podcast to talk about the ideas he shared during our conversation. This led me to think about how to deal with our diverse levels of pain in a way that I have never considered before. His inspiration for self exploration came from; Gangaji, Alan Watts. Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle and Terrence McKenna.
It is important to understand that the people who love adopted people hurt when we hurt. Adoption is not a singular event that happens to one person. Adoption loss extends out from us; it affects our relationships, our parenting and our ability to feel worthy. In reintroducing you to Nicholas and Joshua we hope you feel inspired by the courage, friendship and the bond they shared. We honor Joshua and his brave battle, we honor all of the warriors we have lost. Remember you are worthy in fact you are spectacular!
-Joshua Samuel Kukla -
Father, friend, musician, brother, son, adoptee
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Ashley is a 40-year-old wife and mother of three. Originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Ashley moved to New York City after college and has remained in the area ever since. She now resides in South Orange, NJ, a town she loves. She enjoys a balance of yoga and tennis and cherishes her friends and close-knit community. Professionally, Ashley holds a hybrid role that blends project management and executive support, allowing her to work primarily from home, a flexibility that's especially valuable as her children grow and need her in new ways. Ashley was adopted at birth, and after processing much of her pain, she is passionate about sparking conversations that could eventually lead to adoption reform. She believes it's essential for both those considering adoption and those who have adopted to understand its complexities, so they can provide the support and guidance necessary for a healthy, fulfilling life.
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Scott, a high school math teacher from New Jersey, placed his daughter for adoption in the 1980s after a teenage pregnancy. In 2002, he reunited with her through an online search. Scott has three other children who were also part of the reunion. Lena, a domestic closed adoptee from New Jersey/New York, was adopted in the 1980s and raised as an only child by a family unable to have children. She reunited with her paternal biological family in 2002 and has attempted to contact her birth mother twice over the past 20 years, though both attempts were rejected. Now a licensed clinical social worker in Florida, Lena specializes in grief, loss, and terminal illness. She has been married for 15 years and has two children.
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Find our book using this link: Pulled By The Root
Bessel van der Kolk is a Dutch psychiatrist, author, researcher and educator. Since the 1970s his research has been in the area of post-traumatic stress. He is the author of The New York Times best seller book “The Body Keeps the Score.” He has spent his career studying how children and adults adapt to traumatic experiences, and has translated emerging findings from neuroscience and attachment research to develop and study a range of treatments for traumatic stress in children and adults. Much of his research has focused on how trauma has a different impact at different stages of development, and that disruptions in care-giving systems have additional deleterious effects that need to be addressed for effective intervention. In order to promote a deeper understanding of the impact of childhood trauma and to foster the development and execution of effective treatment interventions, he initiated the process that led to the establishment of the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), a Congressionally mandated initiative that now funds approximately 150 centers specializing in developing effective treatment interventions, and implementing them in a wide array of settings, from juvenile detention centers to tribal agencies, nationwide. He has focused on studying treatments that stabilize physiology, increase executive functioning and help traumatized individuals to feel fully alert to the present.
https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/scientific-publications
https://time.com/6998595/bessel-van-der-kolk-trauma-profile/
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Anna Maria DiDio, MSW - is an adoptive mother and children’s author whose adoption-themed books encourage open and honest conversation between parents and children. Anna Maria was inspired to write her memoir, Love at the Border, An Adoption Adventure after her own family journey to Mexico. Now her L.I.F.E. Adventures children’s books feature stories about adoption from the point of view of the child. Anna Maria holds a BA in Psychology from Villanova University and an MSW in Family Specialization from the University of Pennsylvania. She is the mother of two young wonderful women and can be found in Philadelphia reading, speaking, walking, swimming, baking and quilting - then writing about it! Love Inspires Families Everywhere
www.amdidio.com/
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
We know the holidays can be a whiplash of emotions for our community. Elle Klassen has spent months recording long form conversations. Our amazing returning guests are: Moses Farrow, Megan Galbraith, Anne Heffron, Robert and Ken. This series is our gift to you! Pulled By The Root is so grateful to our loyal and brave audience. May you be comforted in knowing you are not alone!
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
We know the holidays can be a whiplash of emotions for our community. Elle Klassen has spent months recording long form conversations. Our amazing returning guests are: Moses Farrow, Megan Galbraith, Anne Heffron, Robert and Ken. This series is our gift to you! Pulled By The Root is so grateful to our loyal and brave audience. May you be comforted in knowing you are not alone!
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
We know the holidays can be a whiplash of emotions for our community. Elle Klassen has spent months recording long form conversations. Our amazing returning guests are: Moses Farrow, Megan Galbraith, Anne Heffron, Robert and Ken. This series is our gift to you! Pulled By The Root is so grateful to our loyal and brave audience. May you be comforted in knowing you are not alone!
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
We know the holidays can be a whiplash of emotions for our community. Elle Klassen has spent months recording long form conversations. Our amazing returning guests are: Moses Farrow, Megan Galbraith, Anne Heffron, Robert and Ken. This series is our gift to you! Pulled By The Root is so grateful to our loyal and brave audience. May you be comforted in knowing you are not alone!
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Julie Brumley is a domestic infant adoptee who was adopted seven weeks after birth in 1973, following four relinquishments during that time. Her birth mother had attempted to abort her twice, between 12 and 16 weeks of pregnancy. Julie only became fully aware of the influence of the primal trauma she experienced about three and a half years ago, though her journey began in 2010. At that time, a professor in her master's counseling program pointed out that unresolved issues related to her adoption could negatively affect others if left unaddressed. Since then, she has completed two rounds of EMDR therapy and started somatic work soon after. Over the past year and a half, she has been building a coaching program for adoptees, which she plans to launch at the end of the month.
https://cominghometoself.co/revolution
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In her first career, Zelly was a social worker in the adoption and foster care field. From there, she owned an online retail store specializing in hand-painted children’s gifts and party favors. Along the way, Zelly volunteered and raised funds for several non-profit organizations. In an alternate universe, she is probably an event planner. But once she moved to New York City, Zelly gave in to the compulsion to write women’s fiction spiced with suspense about motherhood, relationships, loss and love. Her debut novel, “Not Yours to Keep”, comes out October 2024 with She Writes Press.
When she’s not devising twisty plots, Zelly loves traveling, hiking, and is passionate about and volunteers for Brain Aneurysm Awareness. Her involvement in the cause is driven by personal experiences, including surviving an unruptured brain aneurysm, the tragic loss of a family member to a rupture, and supporting a friend in their recovery. Read more about why she’s a dedicated advocate for brain aneurysm awareness and research in her Brain Aneurysm Essay.
https://zellyruskin.com/
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Cathy Terkanian is the subject of the new Netflix documentary “Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter.” When Cathy received word that the daughter she gave up for adoption many years ago had disappeared, Cathy embarked on an extraordinary and tenacious journey to find her, steered by the unbeatable bond of a mother and child to discover the truth. The horror of what happened to her daughter is unimaginable.
In a recent post Cathy wrote on her daughter’s photo, “My name is Alexis, my adopted name was Andrea Bowman. My adopted parents starved me, ignored me, belittled me, abused me, murdered me, chopped up my body and burned me with the garbage. My adoptive Mother divided my ashes. Never forget my name.”
This story is hard to hear, it is hard to watch but it its important we look this issue straight in the eye. Adoption does have a dark side, not everyone has a voice or a mother who walks through the fire to find justice. There is no doubt there are many injustices that will never be revealed. Cathy like many biological mothers was coerced into relinquishing her child, and told her daughter would have a better life. The horror of what happened to Alexis proves that pure evil exists. Alexis reached out for help and no one listened. Cathy is making sure everyone is listening now.
Justice for Aundria M Bowman facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/share/19ZDTKTHMK/?mibextid=LQQJ4d
Now streaming on Netflix
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt33163756/
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Mark Wills is a true definition of what it means to turn trauma into triumph. He is one of the highest producing notary loan signing agents in the country. Owner of a national loan signing service, best selling author and the course instructor of Loan Signing System, the premier notary signing agent training to thousands of people coast to coast.
Mark was born in Korea and given up for adoption at the age of two years old, only to be returned and put into the foster care system. Mark was then was adopted again at 8 years old. Mark has taken his many traumas and used them as motivation to become successful. It is now his passion to share his message with as many people as possible.
https://www.instagram.com/loansigningsystem
Click here to send us a text. Also, our book “Pulled By The Root” is available at https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/book
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Send us a text
Paul Fiscus, a devoted natural father, brings a unique perspective to the discussion on adoption and custody rights. His personal experiences have propelled him to become a passionate advocate for the rights of natural fathers. Paul's unwavering determination and in-depth understanding of the legal intricacies surrounding adoption highlight the hurdles that natural fathers can sometimes encounter.
His insights and commitment to creating change in the treatment of natural fathers make him an invaluable voice in the ongoing dialogue about fathers' rights in the adoption process.
Paul’s Song to his daughter:
https://youtu.be/WuEuw_cOgoQ
For more about Paul’s fight for his daughter, and additional resources:
https://freeeliza.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Send us a text
Sarah Reinhardt and Louise Browne, two adult adoptees and former business partners who had a successful ice cream truck in Los Angeles, team up again — this time in frank and honest conversations about adoption, centered on the adoptee experience.
Each season Sarah and Louise recap a chapter from a book focused on adoption and then interview a fellow adoptee.
Sarah and Louise came out of the 'fog' in real-time through Seasons One and Two and are advocating for change in the adoption industry.
For more about Sarah & Louise,
https://www.adoptionthemakingofme.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Simon Benn was adopted at 5 weeks old, and is the founder of “Thriving Adoptees” podcast that honorably focuses on the issues adopted people face. Simon came out of the fog at 40 years old, and all was going well until he discovered that his teddy bear was a gift from his birth mother. This unleashed an eruption of anger, and feelings of rejection and of being unloved for Simon. This put him on his journey to heal and help others. 15 years later, Simon continues to support adoptees through his podcast, consulting, webinars.
That led to a quest to heal, healing and a desire to help others.
15 years later I work with others who want to support adoptees through my podcast, consulting, webinars and any other way I can.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In this episode, our guest who wishes to remain anonymous shares her story with remarkable detail and honesty. The death of her adopted sister Susie motivated her to become an advocate for adoptees. Her journey began in 1953 when her 19-year-old mother, under pressure from relatives, gave her up for adoption. Anne was adopted at birth through a private arrangement. At 18 months old, her adoptive parents introduced Susie, another adopted child, into their family.
Anne’s upbringing in the Philadelphia suburbs fostered her love for art, leading her to earn multiple degrees in Fine Arts from the University of Pennsylvania. She later moved to New York City, where she pursued painting and worked in advertising. During this period, she faced severe anxiety and panic attacks, unknowingly linked to her adoption.
In the mid-1990s, Anne found her birth parents and discovered a familial connection to art through her paternal grandfather, a portrait painter. Returning to Philadelphia in 1998, she continued painting and teaching art. By 2000, she became active in the adoptee rights movement and joined the Adoption Forum in 2005.
The tragic loss of Susie in 2021, due to the emotional trauma of adoption, has driven Anne to renew her advocacy efforts for adoptees.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
“Mae Mae” is an adopted person who leads a double life as a teacher and songwriter anchored in the Northwoods with a heart rooted in the West. During the school day she’s building resiliency with her middle schoolers, knee deep in equal parts shenanigans and hope. On her lunch breaks and down time, she gets muddy in song and tales with her various ensembles and creative companions. She savors shore time, quiet time with her hubby, listening to music, and writing it, all of it, down. In this episode, Mae Mae opens her heart to explore the complexities of relinquishment. Her tender soul is evident in every word she says,our conversation was enriching, heartbreaking and inspiring.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Stephen Rowley, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist practicing in Bainbridge Island, Washington. His professional past includes serving as an elementary school teacher and principal, and a school district superintendent in Washington and California. He has been a college professor at three universities, teaching courses in educational administration and organizational theory. He holds a Ph.D. in Administration and Policy Analysis from Stanford University. His new book is: The Lost Coin: A Memoir of Adoption and Destiny (Chiron Publications, Sept. 2023). In our episode Stephen focused on the feelings an adopted person struggles with. In his words:
“Imagine there’s an orphan who lives within them. The orphan is homeless, restless, disconnected, and searching for something or someone it can’t find, including its very soul. For some, the orphan’s persistent presence may arise intermittently through feelings and behavior at any stage of life or circumstance. No orphan, however, is beyond redemption. The lost orphan can be found in the shadows and brought to the safety and security of light. Disconnection can be healed by loving reconnection. In our conversation Stephen fleshed out the issues of abandonment with tenderness, insight and compassion.”
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Gretchen Sisson, Ph.D. is a qualitative sociologist who studies abortion and adoption in the United States. She is a researcher at Advancing New Standards in Reproductive Health in the Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Sciences at the University of California, San Francisco.
Gretchen’s studies on adoption include hundreds of in-depth interviews with women who have relinquished infants for domestic adoption over the past sixty years, with a particular focus on women who have relinquished since Roe v. Wade. Her research on adoption decision-making after abortion denial (as part of The Turnaway Study) was cited in the Supreme Court’s dissent in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Healthfrom Justices Breyer, Kagan, and Sotomayor.
In response to the oral arguments and decision in Dobbs, Gretchen authored pieces in the Washington Post andThe Nation. In these op-eds, Gretchen condemns the court’s decision that adoption over abortion is the best moral alternative and outlines the harsh realities women face when relinquishing a child for adoption. Gretchen has a strong media presence and has been published and quoted in AP News, Atlantic, BBC,Bitch Media, Bloomberg, Christian Science Monitor, Intelligencer, Good Morning America, Ms Magazine, NBC News, Next Question with Katie Couric, Publisher’s Weekly, Refiner
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Carl Niedzielski, named John DellaPenna at birth, was born in Western Massachusetts during the Baby Scoop Era of the late 1960s, and was relinquished and then adopted at some point at or soon after birth. Due to the low birthweight documented on his original birth certificate, it is assumed he spent time in NICU and also probably in foster care or in an orphanage such as the one operated by the agency that managed his adoption, Brightside for Children. As he has learned more about the impact of early childhood trauma, and connected more dots between his life experiences and the research in that area, a focus of his searching has been on finding out about his first few months of life; but the task has been challenging and may not ever be successful. While Carl always knew he was adopted, he did not learn about his biomom until 5 years ago, when he obtained his original birth certificate, which gave his biomom’s name, Gladys, and also the surprising information that she had been 41 years old at the time of his birth— in the 1960s, that would have been considered a very high risk pregnancy. He has recently been surprised again, when a random re-check of old Ancestry data yielded first contact with a bona fide biological relative. But that is when the story got weirder and led to the resolution many adoptees face: A more shocking story than expected, more information than ever hoped for, but still persistent gaps that with passing time are unlikely to be filled. Professionally, Carl works as a Senior Director, Grants and Research Development for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. He is a passionate mental health advocate, reader, armchair detective, binger of all things, urban hiker, word-gamer, and beacher. He is a beginner in the adult adoptee community, but you can find him on social media occasionally participating in many of the wonderful online communities for adult adoptees. In this episode we weave Carls personal journey with his professional insights. He sheds light on the reality of suicide research along with a bounty of ideas on how we can take action.
Resources mentioned:
AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention)
NAMI( National Alliance on Mental Illness)
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Kevin Berthia’s journey as a suicide survivor, adoptee, advocate, and speaker encapsulates the human spirit's capacity for redemption and renewal. From enduring silent suffering through his youth to a very public suicide attempt at the Golden Gate Bridge, Kevin's narrative is one of profound transformation. Since 2013, he has shared his experiences with unwavering candor, captivating audiences worldwide with his authenticity and vulnerability. As a sought-after public speaker and fervent advocate for suicide prevention, Kevin embodies the belief that recovery from depression is attainable for all. His story has resonated across diverse communities and been featured on esteemed platforms like the Steve Harvey Show, Red Table Talk, and the Dr. Phil Show. Through the Kevin Berthia Foundation, he aspires to provide a beacon of hope for individuals silently grappling with mental health challenges, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed. Their mission is clear: to empower, support, and advocate for those in need, fostering a community of understanding, compassion, and resilience. This episode is a masterclass on the capacity of the human spirit. Kevin passionately shares his desire to help others and reminds us we are not alone.
https://kevinberthiafoundation.org/
For more about the 92 minute film,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBU6CiZRbvI
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Patti Eddington is a newspaper and magazine journalist whose favorite job ever was interviewing the famous authors who came through town on book tours. She never dreamed of writing about her life because she was too busy helping build her husband’s veterinary practice, caring for her animal obsessed daughter—whose favorite childhood toy was an inflatable tick—and learning to tap dance. Then fate, and a DNA test, led her to a story she felt compelled to tell. Today, the mid-century modern design enthusiast and dance teacher enjoys being dragged on walks by her ridiculous three-legged dog, David, and watching the egrets and bald eagles from her deck on a beautiful bayou in Spring Lake, Michigan. In this episode, we discuss our connection to three legged dogs and why she has three Birthdays. The twists and turns of Patti’s story left us laughing and crying.
https://pattieddington.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Sabrina is an adopted person with many questions, her story begins in Texas where she was born and adopted illegally. She was abused the entire time she was with her adopters. After years of therapy and healing Sabrina tried to reach out to the state of Texas to get her original birth certificate without success. Her story takes so many twists and turns, including an overnight runaway mission to keep her out of the hands of authorities and her step father. On April 22nd, 2003 Sabrina ran to find her own voice, and she did at just 18 years old. In this conversation, Sabrina peels back the layers of her story with unflinching honesty revealing just how complicated adoption is even with biological relatives. We are releasing this episode today, on April 22nd in honor of her “Freedom Day”. Sabrina is living proof that our spirits are mighty. In her words, “Sometimes we just need to know that we are heard”.
Content Warning: In this episode, we discuss difficult topics that may be triggering for some audiences including sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and kidnapping
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Jeff Forney is an adoptee and an LA based photographer focusing on advertising, music and celebrity. He is in reunion-currently working on a project in the adoptee world called the ‘Innocent People Project’ where he aims to share the adoptee experience. In this powerful episode, Jeff speaks to the issues surrounding adoption with deep compassion. He believes in the power of human stories and the healing it can create. Jeff feels a non-adoptee’s view on adoption is not an adoptee’s view on adoption, in between is a gap he hopes to fill. As he so eloquently states; 'Adoptees carry burdens, some being the burden of explanation, the burden to be affirming and the burden of loyalty. An adoptees ‘book of life’ starts on chapter two. How often does one purchase a book and start on chapter two?? Confusion would set in. What is going on? Who are these people and what is their purpose? What would normally be an introductory chapter to characters and plot, is now a whodunnit that would impress Hitchcock. This project does not look to make a single story into a stereotype. Each story is unique and valid adding to the many stories that make up the adoption mosaic. Often people come into the adoption world with innocent intent falling into the hands of an adoption industry that needs some serious reworking and legislation. We are a global community of disconnect that is finding its voice, in real time. A minority hidden in plain site, covered in guilt, shame and self worth issues as well as potentially a whole host of others. Some adoptees fall out of the ‘Adoption Issues Tree’ and hit only one branch, and some hit every single one of them. It’s different for everyone, yet we all have a common thread. Stay curious…and be grateful. Gratitude loosens the grip of inadequacy. Gratitude is liberating.
For more about Jeff and the ‘Innocent People Project’;
https://jeffforney.com/
https://jeffforney.com/innocentpeople/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Monica Hall is an adoptee and birth mother. She is also the author of her memoir, "Practically Still a Virgin”, which will be released on Saturday March 23rd. Born in Canada, she was adopted by American parents and raised in Anchorage, Alaska, where she spent the first sixteen years of her life and had many of the foundational experiences that drive her writing.
She is a business consultant and entrepreneur who has founded several companies and has worked in advertising and marketing for more than two decades. Monica is telling her life story to provide understanding, courage, and empowerment, showing that no matter the difficulties, it's possible to heal and succeed.
Monica is a speaker, coach, and mentor. She has three grown children and lives in Sacramento, California. In this episode Monica shares her unique point of view on the trials and tribulations of being adopted. Her humor, positive energy and talent are abundant. This heartfelt conversation will leave you thinking.
For more about Monica:
https://www.monicahall.com/
https://www.monicahall.com/author
Content Notice:
This episode contains sensitive material, that may be difficult for some listeners.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
George is a filmmaker, writer/director living in Los Angeles.
One of the first questions he is frequently asked is "where is your accent from?"
Here it goes, George was born in 1974, in Russia (Soviet Union). He was adopted from an orphanage in 1976 and raised in Georgia (the country). In 2000, he migrated to Australia and was granted a gay refuge status. Since 2010 he splits his time between Los Angeles and Sydney, Australia. George is on a life long search of his birth history, and as of today he has no information about his birth parents or the first two years of his life.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Lena Rosenbloom is a domestic closed adopted person from New Jersey New York. She was adopted in the 80’s and raised as an only child in an adoptive family that could not have children. She entered reunion in 2002 with her paternal biological family. Elena discovered her biologic family through the adoption.com website and message boards She has three half siblings on her paternal side. Lena has reached out to her biological mother two times in the past 20 years and been rejected.Lena is a licensed clinical social worker in Florida working with grief and loss as well as terminally ill clients. She helped start a non profit organization for first responder spouses in 2018. She has been married to her wonderful husband for 15 years and has tow children. She loves to journal, make crafts and find healing through music and concerts. In this episode, Lena shares her heart about her lived experience. Her expertise in grief and loss give depth to the experience of being adopted.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Greg Gentry is a domestic baby scoop era adoptee, born in California in 1969. He spent the first 6 weeks of his life in foster care before going to live with his adoptive family. Greg has gone through the ups-and-downs of reunion with his maternal side since 2006. In 2021, a fellow adoptee helped him locate his paternal family. He has been in reunion with members of his late father’s side since early 2022, and continues to cultivate those relationships. Since July 2021, Greg has been an active member of the online and in-person adoptee communities. Greg is a facilitator and interviewer for Fireside Adoptees, a private Facebook group which also runs a private group open to the larger adoption constellation. Additionally, Greg hosts in-person meetings for Adoptees Connect out of Derry, New Hampshire. In this deeply meaningful episode Greg shares his heart in ways that open the eyes of understanding. His compassionate demeanor invite the listener to sit by the fireside with him.
https://www.youtube.com/@firesideadoptees673
https://www.instagram.com/firesideadoptees
Mentions:
https://adopteesconnect.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In this episode, you will get the chance to get to know our team at PBTR. Stephanie Joy Pipes/ Creative Director /Producer, Amy Hansen Co-Host/ Operations Manager/ Publicity , Elle Klassen Co-Host/Art Curator and Sean Farley Sound Engineer/Co-producer will be joining us today. The definition of a team is a group of people working collaboratively towards a common goal pooling their skills and knowledge. Although this definition resonates, our team also leads with their hearts, generosity and time. Our collective goal is to open the arms of understanding about adoption loss. It is our hope that through our content, conversations and creativity people can embrace the reality of what it means to be adopted. This platform would not exist without the devotion of our team. Amongst our highest goals is to take care of our guests and provide the listener with edifying information. Enjoy this conversation between people who care deeply about you and each other.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Michelle Madrid is a life coach and guidance mentor who is passionate about igniting the light within every adoptee. She seeks soulful modalities of healing to support clients in feeling a deeper connectedness with themselves and with others.
Michelle is a former foster child from the United Kingdom and an international adoptee. She understands the nuances of the adoptee experience and considers it a great honor to guide adoptees back home to themselves as they embrace a deeper sense of identity and calling. Michelle is a Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) Angels in Adoption Honoree as well as an inductee to the New Mexico Women's Hall of Fame. She is a former Emmy-nominated television news journalist and an in-demand high-impact speaker whose perspectives are renowned both domestically and internationally. She is also the host of the Electricity of You podcast, sharing transformational teachings that nudge listeners to respark their potential. Her illuminating content and coaching offerings can be found at TheMichelleMadrid.com.
Michelle is a mother, animal lover, passionate equestrian, and a world traveler who feels at home no matter where she is because she's found her home within.
https://themichellemadrid.com/
https://linktr.ee/TheMichelleMadrid
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
A special message from Heidi:
With the tremendous support of my family, the PBTR team, and our adoption community, I am back to interviewing and embracing the work I am called to do. This week's solo episode is not just a reflection of my gratitude but also an exciting prelude to what's ahead. We are thrilled to be releasing future interviews soon with some remarkable guests, showcasing the diverse and impactful stories from around the globe. This marks a significant step in our journey, as Pulled By The Root continues to expand its reach and influence on an international scale. Stay tuned for these powerful conversations that promise to enlighten, inspire, and cultivate a deeper understanding.
-H.M.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Christelle Pellecuer is a certified coach who helps adoptees to navigate their stories so they can find their authentic voices and identity.
She has have been on a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance as her adoption journey, like for many adoptees, has not been straightforward. She was adopted in South of France from Madagascar at the age of 10. For a long time, she lived in denial and didn’t acknowledge that her adoption was the cause of much of the life confusion she was feeling and her lack of identity.
Through several years of self-discovery, healing and sharing her story, she was able to slowly find her own voice and build her own identity. She is also a multidisciplinary artist and the arts has helped her immensely to reconnect to herself.
https://www.christellepellecuer.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
“Lora K. Joy is the progression of me. Lora was the name my biological mother gave me, but did not feel she had the right to put on my birth certificate. K. stands for her last name and for Kimberly. A name that is on my adoption record, but I am not sure who gave it to me. Joy was my adoptive name and how everyone knew me until January 2022 when I legally reclaimed the name Lora.
I am an adult adoptee, born in 1979 and adopted through a religious organization in a closed adoption. The first time I remember knowing I was adopted was at 8 years old and my whole world shifted under my feet. The first 29 years of my life I was swirling in pain, not realizing it was caused by relinquishment. The reality of adoption trauma crashed over me and I began to heal through various therapy approaches. The journey has been long and difficult, but now I can stand on the other side, while continuing to grow and heal. Reunion happened with my biological mother and maternal half-brother in 2008 and my paternal, biological cousins and half siblings in 2020. Upon healing my adoption trauma, I gained strength to live my truth. This led to an estrangement 30 years in the making from my adoptive parents. Estrangement is about both the unhealthy relationship with my adoptive parents from which I needed to remove myself and about rebuilding the life I should have always had.
I have taken the lessons from my life as an adoptee and tried to parent my children accordingly. I have 2 children - a son and a daughter who are teenagers as of this writing. I have been married to my husband since 2003. He has been on this journey and supported me every step of the way.”
https://www.myadopteetruth.com/lora-k-joy
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Jessica Pearson is a Certified Life and Health Coach, Co-Founder of Path Nutrition and Co-Host of Weight a Minute Podcast.
Her work dives deep into the world of anti-diet culture and self acceptance. She's on a mission to help people to break free from diet culture and develop a profound and compassionate relationship with both their bodies and food. Her holistic approach to well-being extends beyond mere nutrition advice; it's about fostering lasting transformations and nurturing an empowered mindset.
Jessica is a transracial adoptee and passionate about elevating adoptee voices and holding space for everyone's unique experiences.
https://pathnutrition.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Betsy McCoach is a full professor in the Educational Psychology department at the University of Connecticut where she teaches quantitative research methods and conducts research in education and psychology. Born in 1970, Betsy was placed with her adoptive family at 7 weeks old. Betsy grew up in a stable family and has always known that she was adopted. Betsy has one older adoptive brother: he is over 9 years older than she is, and he is not adopted. Betsy has been married to her husband for almost 25 years; they have 2 children- ages 13 and 15. When Betsy and her husband decided to have children, she wanted to know more about her “genetic history”, which prompted her to begin searching for her birth parents. Her “reunion” story spans 17 years and contains several plot twists. After a great deal of internal debate, Betsy has decided to use her real name on the podcast and “own” her story.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Julie Ryan McGue is an author, a domestic adoptee, and an identical twin. She writes extensively about finding out who you are, where you belong, and making sense of it.
Julie’s debut award winning memoir Twice a Daughter: A Search for Identity, Family, and Belonging (https://juliemcgueauthor.com/books/)(She Writes Press) came out in May 2021. It is the story of her five-year search for birth relatives. Her weekly blogs That Girl, This Life (https://juliemcgueauthor.com/blog/)and monthly column at The Beacher focus on identity, family, and life’s quirky moments.
Born in Chicago, Illinois, Julie received a BA from Indiana University in Psychology. She earned a MM in Marketing from the Kellogg Graduate School of Business, Northwestern University. She has served multiple terms on the Board of the Midwest Adoption Center and is an active member of the American Adoption Congress.
Julie splits her time between Northwest Indiana and Sarasota, Florida. She is the mother of four adult children and has three grandsons. If she’s not at her computer, she’s on the tennis court, or out exploring with her Nikon. Julie is currently working on a collection of personal essays.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Joining us this week is returning guest from March, 2022 (episode 68) Linda Pevac where we learned about her adoption journey and discussed her first book, “The Gathering Place.” Linda has since released her second book, “A Fire is Coming,” available both on Amazon.com and audible.
Linda, “Emma Stevens,” is a US domestic adoptee who was adopted at birth and has survived many layers of trauma. Her childhood upbringing in an authoritative, cult-like family, predisposed Linda to several more struggles. One of them was falling prey to an exploitative therapist where she unknowingly entered a cultic, one-on-one relationship with her psychologist. Someone who was to help, support and provide healing - instead, held her captive in a psychological nightmare.
For more about Linda;
https://linktr.ee/EmmaStevensWriter
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Thank you for being part of this journey, as we celebrate this milestone of 100 episodes with you!
Pulled By The Root wishes to continue to shed light on the intricate journey of adoption, highlighting the resilience and strength of our community. In this episode, we are joined by Heidi Marble with a special message of hope and gratitude.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Dana Ozak is a full time preschool teacher, passionate adoptee advocate, and author of her soon to be released memoir, “A Girl and Her Four Families.”
Dana was born at St. John’s Hospital in Cleveland in 1973. She was adopted through Catholic Charities in November of 1973. Her adoption was never kept a secret from her, but she still wondered where she came from. She was able to find her biological mother’s name after the state of Ohio released her OBC (Original Birth Certificate). Sadly, she also found out her biological mother had passed away. A Girl and Her Four Families is the story of Dana’s quest and emotional roller coaster ride to find her biological families and if she was the product of genetics or the loving environment in which she was raised.
For more about Dana;
https://girland4families.com/ (https://girland4families.com/)
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
This week we are joined by author, late discovery adoptee, and adoptee advocate Fred Nicora. Fred discovered he was adopted at the age of 41 years old, through a slip of the tongue by an elderly aunt at a large family gathering, when Fred’s parents had already passed away. The subsequent revelation was the discovery that he had no legal right to learn his true identity. "Forbidden Roots" describes Fred's journey over six years, from this discovery, through reunions, and finally arriving at some initial resolution and reconciliation while constructing a new identity. Today, he is on a mission to advocate for records, and access change in Wisconsin (his home state) and assist those coming to terms with their birth status and discoveries.
For more about Fred’s book, “Forbidden Roots: A Memoir of Late-Discovery Adoption”http://www.frednicora.com
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Jenny has a deep connection to the human spirit, and a lifelong passion for health and wellness. Over the span of her life and career she has worked with thousands of individuals in fitness, with special needs, education, and business communities. Jenny has 21 certifications in alternative health and fitness, and an extensive background in business leadership. Her experience and education extend far beyond the classroom. Jenny was adopted as a baby and into an extraordinary family with a multitude of rare and uncommon diseases, where medical miracles are commonplace. Her family has been the catalyst for Jenny's passion and understanding of the body's remarkable power to heal itself. Her own emotional challenges with adoption trauma and involvement with her family have created a unique canvas of understanding of how we hold trauma in the body and in what way illness is created.
Jenny is currently working on her first book on the amazing ability we each have to communicate with our bodies and generate our own internal healing processes.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Ken is an adoptee who was always wondering. Wondering about what if? Wondering about why? Always wondering and feeling rudderless. Ken suspects many adoptees have experienced the same insecurities.
He decided that he needed to explore this further, examining his own journey and that of his birth mother on a deeper level. This examination inspired Ken to write his debut novel, "I Will See You Again....Hearts Will Sing". A journey of self-discovery told through equal parts of elation, despair, and revelation, the story traces the paths of two souls seeking wholeness.
eBook and paperback can be found at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C5DRHHMW
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Liz Brownell is a mother, wife, teacher, artist, and adoptee living in upstate NY. She and her husband Kurt live outside of Rochester with their teenagers. What started as a curiosity in an effort to thank her First mother let to the sad discovery that she would never have a chance to meet her. As she navigated the fog she found two half sisters and some other extended family along the way. She is beginning to collect and refine stories for her upcoming sabbatical. Liz will explore more deeply this maternal mystery and create a body of work intended to foster conversations that exist for adoptees and their families.
As mentioned in this episode:
https://adopteesconnect.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Robert Ferraro is a pop culture journalist whose interviews include Jane Seymour, Melissa Etheridge, Paula Abdul and others. Robert is also founder of The Giving Arts, a website through which he helps public figures publicize their charitable causes.
His essay sharing the challenges of his life as an adoptee - entitled 'My Love Is Stronger Than Your Disregard' - received considerable acclaim for its honesty and vulnerability. A companion piece, chronicling his emotional attempt to engage his birth family in person, is being written now.
https://thegivingarts.com/
https://ofpersonalinterest.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
CARLYN MONTES DE OCA is a multi-award-winning author, an international speaker, and passionate animal advocate.
A former film editor on such movies as Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and Three Men and a Little Lady, Carlyn holds a bachelor’s degree from Loyola Marymount University in communication arts and a master’s degree in Traditional Chinese Medicine.
As a sought after speaker, Carlyn frequently talks on the powerful ways human health, happiness, and longevity are improved through our connection with our animal companions. She has been featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Woman's Day Magazine.
A longtime resident of Northern California, Carlyn now lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico with her husband, Ken Fischer, an award-winning sound editor, and her beloved rescue dog, Grace. Her latest book, a #1 Amazon bestseller and award-winning book, Junkyard Girl: a Memoir of Ancestry, Family Secrets, and Second Chances, is available now.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Julia was adopted in September 1963, under the New Zealand closed adoption policy of sealed records. She grew up knowing she was adopted, but was unable to search for her real family until the late 1980s after the law was changed to allow adult adoptees to have access to their original birth certificates. She was able to trace her mother in the United Kingdom; however, to this day, her mother has not wanted a relationship with her. It took a great deal more to locate her father, who was an American citizen of First Nations descent living in North Carolina. She has a large extended family in the USA and has made many trips with her children there. Married to her sweetheart Mike, she is a mother of four, stepmother of two, and a recent grandmother to an 8-month-old baby girl with a grandson due in October.
Of particular interest to Julia is the lifelong effects of being adopted on intimate relationships, a topic she explored for her Master's degree. A trained counselor working with young people, she is currently completing a doctorate on how being an adopted person might affect the experience of being a parent to one's own biological children.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In this week's episode, we are delighted to have two special guests for an enriching roundtable discussion. We welcome back Lance Lukin, our guest from episode 33. Born in New Zealand in 1967, Lance was placed for adoption when he was just 21 days old, with his adoption becoming official in 1969.
In addition, we are privileged to be joined by Brigitta Baker, adopted during the era of closed adoptions. Brigitta, fondly known as Brigs, brings a wealth of professional experience to the conversation, having held diverse roles ranging from advisory positions to leadership development, human resource management, and coaching.
We look forward to sharing their unique insights and experiences with you.
Adopted: Love, loss, family and reunion is the new memoir by Jo Willis & Brigitta Baker about their respective adoption journeys.
For more about Brigitta,
https://www.masseypress.ac.nz/books/all/adopted
For more about Lance’s journey:
Content warning, the following episode contains content that may be triggering
https://open.spotify.com/episode/10zzfNvAuG488Ovgidxpfc?si=Ds4PWiCxQPyeZQG05Kv0uA
As mentioned in this episode:
Ruth Monnig Ted Talk https://youtu.be/jL4lnvQ1wVU
Special thanks to our cohosts, Amy Hansen & Elle Klaussen who have graciously stepped forward to host while Heidi Marble recovers from health challenges.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Beth Syverson, a mother, wife, and musician, has been a podcaster, activist, and public speaker since 2021. After adopting Joey from Japan at seven and a half months old, she came to understand that the core of his substance use stemmed from the trauma of relinquishment. As a guiding figure for adoptive parents grappling with the realization that their child's adoption brought about trauma, Beth offers support and understanding. Through their podcast, Untangling Adoption, she and Joey openly share their experiences in order to help other families mitigate their pain. In this episode, my co-host Amy Hansen and I join Beth for a candid and in-depth conversation, holding nothing back.
For more with Beth, you can tune in on Spotify to Unraveling Adoption podcast linked below:
https://open.spotify.com/show/0237aAJvaSYpjdwC44iu3A?si=6zJuzBrdTbymtgmUxDnI3Q
Trigger Warning: The following content contains mentions of suicidal ideation and substance abuse. Please proceed with caution and prioritize your well-being. If you need support, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or helpline
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Born in August 1970, Patrick Hawes was adopted in North Carolina. Growing up with a Japanese adoptive mother, it was clear that he wasn't her biological child. However, it wasn't until adulthood that Patrick felt compelled to seek answers about his biological family. Questions like "Why did my mom give me up? Was I not good enough? Did she not want me?" weighed on his mind. In 2015, Patrick embarked on a journey to find those answers. As he puts it, "I knew there was a possibility my mom wouldn't want me or want a relationship with me. Searching for your biological family always comes with risks, but for me, it was worth it." In this episode, Patrick candidly shares his heartfelt and honest experiences.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In this week's episode, our guest Lindsey shares her powerful story as a first mother who became pregnant at 15 and had no choice but to give up her baby for adoption. For 40 years, Lindsey carried this pain in secret. She discusses the challenges of adoption and society's need to understand the emotional impact of mother-child separation. This heart wrenching episode takes you on a journey as Lindsey recounts, for the first time, the highs and lows of her reunion with her daughter.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
This week we are welcoming back our guest Elle K. for a second interview. We take a deep dive into mothering, estrangement, F. O. G. fear, obligation, guilt), the healing works of fairy forests as well as why “hope” is such a slippery word. Her artwork and spirit are breathtaking. Elle’s way of unpacking the complexities of adoption is dynamic, heart felt and honest.
To listen to our first conversation with Elle, tune into Ep70.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Shelise Keum Mee Gieseke (s/hers) is head of operations at Adoption Mosaic. Adoption Mosaic is a BIPOC woman and adoptee-led business that seeks to build an inviting adoption conscious community by providing innovative adoptee-centered programs and support. She has worked in the adoption community as an editor, educator, and administrator for over 10 years, including editing and curating the blog Land of Gazillion Adoptees and the online magazine Gazillion Voices. She is also an intercountry Korean, interracial adoptee who was adopted as an infant by a white family and raised on a farm in Minnesota. She has three siblings who are biological children of her adoptive parents. Shelise has searched for but is not in reunion with her Korean family.
Shelise lives in Portland, OR and is parenting two biological biracial children with her husband. In this episode co-host Amy Hansen and I are blown away by the depth of knowledge Shelise shares. Her understanding of the adopted persons experience is far reaching.
For more about the incredible work Shelise and her team are doing, please visit their website below.
https://www.adoptionmosaic.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Shelley is a domestic adoptee from the baby scoop era. 1970. She started her search four years ago and has since struggled deeply with attempts to connect with her biological Mother. Shelley is a pediatric nurse who is married with two sons. For this episode, I am joined by my guest co-host adopted person Amy Hansen. Together we traverse the highs and lows of Shelley’s journey. The courage and compassion Shelley holds in her heart are inspiring.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Jenny Becknell is a biological mother who relinquished her daughter in an open adoption plan in 1992. The adoption was so open that Jenny left the hospital with the adoptive parents who welcomed them into their home. The relationship continued to be amicable until Jenny’s daughter turned 18 then it all fell apart. Jenny has watched her daughter struggle over the years, even though she had her biological parents and adoptive parents in her life it wasn’t easy. All the decisions were made by others about who her daughter should be, leaving her daughter feeling powerless. In this episode, we dive deep into the complications of this situation from all angles. Jenny holds nothing back and wants nothing more than to help people understand the pain and trauma adoption brings.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Michael Raymond Porter was born on July 5th 1968. His adoption was legalized on December 28th, 1972. Two years ago Michael began his deepest search and introspection on “who am I supposed to be?” In Michael’s submission to our podcast, he acknowledges the exhaustion of trying to put the pieces of his adoption story together. This episode is also a master class in courage, as Michael continues to keep a soft heart in spite of everything he has been through. This is the first time he is sharing his story publicly and he wants nothing more than to help others feel less alone.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
In this episode we are joined by biological mother, Barbara Bazett and daughter Vicky Graham, separated by adoption speak about being in reunion for nearly 30 years. Everyone loves a happy ending: Mother and daughter became best friends, but they had a rough start. It took decades to get real. After years of searching, biological Barbara found Vicky - her secret baby, and the intensity of their connection was shocking. The healing bond between mother and child remained. Barbara and Vicky continue to work together, creating a podcast, writing a book and collaborating on healing meditations.
“Special needs adoption is rarely told from the child’s perspective. Being told I was rejected and relinquished by my birth mother because of my birth defect pummeled my self-esteem. But I told no one. I was grateful my adoptive parents saved me from life in an orphanage.
Let me be clear, I do not see myself as a victim, but rather the hero of my own journey. I hope my words will help others find healing and self-love.”
-Vicky Graham
For more about the incredible work Barbara and Vicky are doing,
https://www.freeyourselfthrough.com/
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
It’s been a long eight months navigating my heart healing journey. I have just undergone a heart procedure and thankfully have a wonderful prognosis. The healing odyssey continues one step at a time. There will be months ahead of restrengthening. We are thrilled to share a few of our archived episodes from the beginning of our podcasting journey in addition to some new guests with remarkable stories to share. From all of us at PBTR, thank you.
This week we would like to feature my biological Aunt Louise. She is a powerhouse of a woman in her 90’s who welcomed me with open arms and became my historian. Having the matriarch of the family pull me close has meant everything. In this conversation we dive deep into her version of my adoption. We hope this conversation offers compassion, understanding and hope.
Episode recorded in 2021.
https://www.pulledbytheroot.com/
Kelly Grace Hickey met Laura Leslie-Olmsted in November 2018 when they were paired together as search angels for a support group. They instantly bonded and together with their team found over 100 biological mothers and fathers for clients between November 2018 and June 2019. They formed a Non Profit DNAngels dedicated to finding biological parents at no cost for their clients. DNAngels has turned their own NPE and Adoption Stories into helping others who find themselves wondering where they come from. They assist Adopted, Donor-Conceived, NPE and Adult Foster Children on their journey to find their truths. This episode is a lively conversation about the important work they do to help people find their identity. The passion that drives these powerhouse ladies is tireless, inspiring and life changing.
For more about Kelly and Laura’s work:
DNAngels.org
Nancy Verrier has a master’s degree in Clinical Psychology. Her thesis was on the subject of adoption which resulted in the publishing of her first book THE PRIMAL WOUND: Legacy of the Adopted Child has become a classic in adoption literature. Nancy’s second book COMING HOME TO SELF is focused on healing and increasing awareness about beginning of life trauma and how it affects our relationships with self and others. As a mother to both a biological and adopted child Nancy has devoted her life to educating others on the manifestations of separation and loss in adoption. Recently a stunning documentary film was created called Reckoning With The Primal Wound by filmmaker and adoptee Rebecca Autumn Sansom.
Nancy has been so generous during the building of our platform, her supportive conversations and encouragement helped us continue. Having the chance to interview her was a privilege. This episode focuses on healing the specific wounds of adoption, self responsibility and how collectively we can move forward.
Note: This episode was recorded in 2021
Hello Everyone,
It has been awhile since we have released a solo sode. I have chosen to title this episode “Heart of the Matter” because after all our hearts matter. As an adopted person, I have struggled with self care, self awareness and worthiness. In this episode, we share our vision for Pulled By The Root as well as a struggle of the heart I am dealing with. Pulled By The Root is deeply grateful to all of you for listening, sharing and supporting the effort to heal in community. We will be releasing a few archived episodes this summer with a complete pause in August. We have so many amazing guests lined up that are eager to share.
Your strength, courage and vulnerability have been inspiring to say the least. Please know you are worthy!
-H.M.
Michael was adopted in 1961 in Illinois. He grew up with two younger sisters, one adopted and one biological. They moved to Southern California when he was five years old. Michael has been married for 36 years and has three wonderful children and one granddaughter. He worked in the television industry for many years and moved his family to Atlanta to work on the Olympics and never left.
Around 22 years ago he started running, then biking and was always a swimmer. One thing led to another and he started doing Iron Man triathlons and is currently training for one later this year. If you asked him to describe himself 2 1/2 years ago he would say a husband a father and an athlete. He did both ancestry and 23 and me just had a curiosity never searched for my family then there was a match on 23andMe.
Now he describes himself as ADOPTED, married, father, grandfather, & athlete.
Corissa Saint Laurent is a holistic brand advisor and international speaker inspiring and empowering entrepreneurs, leaders, and creatives to light up their lives so they can light up the world. She has over 20 years of entrepreneurial and corporate business experience in marketing, branding, business development combined with professional training in mind/body/energy work. Her business life has always been a deep reflection of her personal goals and interests, and she is forever learning, growing, and sharing her knowledge, insight, and expertise with others. Corissa was adopted from South Korea at the age of 3 and grew up in New Hampshire and Los Angeles. At the age of 37, she met her birth mother and sister leading her on the most unexpected adventure of her life. Corissa is the embodiment of light and positive energy, in this episode her spirit shines. She has found a way to rise above all of the adversity adoption has brought her way.
https://corissasaintlaurent.com/
Ryan Anderson was transracially adopted from Morocco to Scotland but didn’t find out until I was 18. Then he decided to keep this secret until this year (13 years later) now feeling brave to tell his story to friends and for everyone to see online. Ryan had been around alcohol & drugs while traveling the world for the last 10 years trying to escape his problems but is now opening up to face them to raise mental health awareness. Ryan has been working away on himself for the past 18 months dealing with issues and coming up with ideas to improve his mental health. He has finished writing his 20-page story and creating a 15 minute video to help others. Ryan hopes he can encourage people to be kind and inspired finding balance in life. As it would happen, I found out through DNA I am 50% Scottish hearing Ryan’s thick accent felt like home. We are releasing this episode while I am in Scotland hopefully meeting up with Ryan for a real life chat. This young dynamic man shared ever aspect of his story with a deep desire for outreach. He does not want others to hold secrets, he wants all of us to be free, heard and known.
For more about Ryan’s story:
https://www.edinburghlive.co.uk/news/edinburgh-news/edinburgh-man-abandoned-morocco-baby-23864598
Mike Trupiano is a dry comedic Midwestern American performer in Berlin with a bass voice. His specialties are deadpan, physical comedy, improvisation. He excels at playing arrogant, incompetent authority figures. Mike does English language dubbing and record documentary narration as well as audio books in his home studio. He also teaches storytelling and standup comedy, both in groups and one on one. Mike is also an adopted person who shared his story telling talent in this episode. His lived experiences are the definition of resiliency, expression and head on truth telling. His booming voice commands attention, his openness is in invitation for all of us to speak louder, express and fight for our identity.
https://miketrupiano.com/
https://twitter.com/heartlandrefuge
https://soundcloud.com/heartlandrefugee
Content warning: This episode discusses some difficult topics such as self harm, suicide, and sexual abuse.
This week we are joined by Sandra Moon, a Maltese adopted person from regional NSW in Australia. She is a journalist and writer currently working on her memoir regarding her experiences of adoption and reunion with universal themes of the innate desire for familial connection and belonging. Sandra was in a children’s home and therefore classified as a Forgotten Australian, she is also the child of a Forgotten Australian who was in foster care placements and children's homes. Sandra is a mother and has had several experiences of motherhood, most of them non traditional. She has been a legal guardian of a child in Nepal, fostered three children and has a daughter she birthed. Currently Sandras family consists a teen and a tween and a cat named Gretel. In this episode, Sandra speaks to the reality of what it is to challenged with the issues surrounding adoption, sexual orientation and identity. She shares her diverse experiences from a deep heart felt place. Our conversation enforces the power of sharing, connection and action oriented healing.
Rosanne is a first mom from Saint Louis Missouri. She joins us from her beautiful 10 acre farm to have a heart felt conversation about relinquishing her daughter. She is passionate about good physical, mental and spiritual health. Rosanne has written a book called Puzzle Pieces of My Heart-our stories of adoption. The book is a collection of stories told by those touched by adoption. Her book addresses the myriad of emotions from shame, grief, relief and gratitude. Rosanne believes that by sharing our stories we can find hope, freedom and restoration. She hopes by hearing from all sides we can find more compassion for those affected by adoption. Rosanne did not shy away from the hard questions, her openness and strength fill this episode.
In this episode I am joined by my co-author Alysa Zalma M.D.(Psychiatrist) as well as Dr. Abbie Goldberg. Abbie E. Goldberg is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, where she also currently serves as the Director of Women’s & Gender Studies, and is the current holder of the Jan and Larry Landry Endowed Chair (2020-2023). She graduated summa cum laude from Wesleyan University with a BA in psychology, and received an MA in psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Dr. Goldberg is an internationally recognized scholar, speaker, and consultant, who is regularly interviewed by media outlets including the New York Times, The Atlantic, the Boston Globe, and New York Magazine. Her research examines diverse families, including LGBTQ-parent families and adoptive-parent families, as well as the experiences of marginalized groups such as trans youth. A central theme of her research is the decentering of any “normal” or “typical” family, sexuality, or gender, to allow room for diverse families, sexualities, and genders.
Dr. Goldberg is the author of over 140 peer-reviewed articles, over 25 book chapters, and four books: LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents (APA; 2022), Open Adoption & Diverse Families (Oxford; 2020), Gay Dads (NYU Press; 2012), Lesbian and Gay Parents and their Children (APA; 2010). She is the co-editor of four books: LGBTQ-Parent Families: Innovations in Research and Implications for Practice (Springer; 2013, 2020), LGBTQ Divorce and Relationship Dissolution (Oxford, 2019), the SAGE Trans Encyclopedia (SAGE; 2021), and the SAGE Encyclopedia of LGBTQ Studies (SAGE; 2016). Her research has been cited in numerous amicus briefs filed in cases related to marriage equality, gay adoption, trans civil rights, and other topics (e.g., Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015; Fulton v. City of Philadelphia, 2021). She currently serves as a Deputy Editor of the Journal of Marriage and Family, and serves as an editorial board member on seven journals. She has received research funding from the American Psychological Association, the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, the Williams Institute, the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues, the National Institutes of Health, and the Spencer Foundation, among other sources. She teaches courses on diversity in contemporary families, research methods with diverse families, human sexuality, the psychology of sexual orientation, gender and crime, and ethics in clinical psychology. We discussed the impact of her research, how to best serve children of adoption as well as problems within the system. It was an incredible experience to share time with these dynamic compassionate women.
When asked to write a few sentences as an introduction, Elle thought of the Jane Austen quote from a letter written to her sister, "Which of my important nothings shall I tell you first?" Elle is an inveterate scribbler of words, painter & sketcher of pictures, insatiable reader of books, ponderer of ideas, lover of music & movement, delighted observer and photographer of the world around her, and the bearer of a bit of dark humour. She has a bachelor's degree in Biblical Studies. She's an adoptee. Her husband suggested that she add that she has three brilliant grown children, one very handsome dog named Angus, and one geezer. He's the geezer. Elle has heard herself described as Bohemian. She's always liked that. In this episode, Elle bravely speaks of her reunion, estrangement and the longing for her “true self”. Elle also shares one her poems Pandora’s Box giving voice to the pain, validating that expression heals.
Mary Roberds is an adopted person who found her biological mother and sister at the age of 19. At 48 years old she is still looking for her biological father. Mary shares her story with such vivid detail, emphasizing that babies/children know more than we give them credit for. Mary remembers the rain on the car window the day she saw her mother for the last time. She is passionate about helping other adopted people step into their truth. Mary feels strongly that one person should not be able to sign a paper and have another humans history erased. She is so proud of our community for their strength, courage and tenacity.
NOTE: This episode does discuss suicide.
About the Author
Emma Stevens is a U.S. domestic adoptee from birth and has survived layers of trauma that have put her on multiple journeys. She developed the inner strength and courage to surmount the many struggles she faced. Her traumas were born from being an adoptee who struggled with being forced to wear an impossible mask of playing the part of the "good” adopted child. Because being relinquished and adopted has colored her life, it's Emma's desire to be part of the movement that is dedicated to helping bring forth change to the way our world views the needs and support of adopted individuals. She believes strongly in adoptees finding their voice and discovering their truth to have a solid sense of self and to reclaim their identities. Through telling her story, Emma is dedicated to help redefine the narrative of adoption to include the entire complex truth. This memoir is Emma Stevens' first book. She has an undergraduate degree in journalism and has completed Master's level course work in psychology, specializing in Marriage, Family, and Child counseling. She has two adult children and two cat children who she adores.
Lissa Warren has worked at several Boston publishing houses including David R. Godine, Houghton Mifflin, and Perseus Publishing. She most recently served as Vice President, Senior Director of Publicity and Acquiring Editor at Da Capo Press, an imprint of the Hachette Book Group. In January of 2019 she established Lissa Warren PR, which focuses on publicity for authors and books.
The author of The Savvy Author's Guide to Book Publicity (Carroll & Graf, 2004), she has spoken about publishing for the Virginia Festival of the Book, Lesley University, Publishers Marketing Association, the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Publishers Association of the South, BookBuilders of Boston, ForeWord magazine, Grub Street, the New Hampshire Writers' Project, the Cape Cod Writers Conference, and the Adirondack Writer's Conference, among others. In addition to teaching at Emerson, she's on the advisory council of Southern New Hampshire University's M.F.A. writing program, serves on the advisory board at Beacon Press, and blogs about publishing for the Huffington Post. Ms. Warren's poetry has appeared in Quarterly West, Oxford Magazine, Black Warrior Review, and Verse, and she's a poetry editor for the literary magazine Post Road. Her latest book, a memoir called The Good Luck Cat: How a Cat Saved a Family and a Family Saved a Cat, was published by Lyons Press in October of 2014.
This episode is offered as a gift to the writers in our adoption community. Lissa shares the hard truth about the publishing world and how to best handle our stories. Her expertise provides a road map to those seeking to publish their books. Our deepest hope is that by understating more about the publishing “game” and we can move forward on the path of least resistance. As we navigate our own effort to publish Pulled By The Root- An Adoptees healing from Trauma, Shame and Loss, Lissa’s advice could not have been more helpful. Your story matters and we want you to reach as many people as possible.
Peter J. Boni credits his disruptive childhood, a state college education from UMass@Amherst, decorated on-the-ground service as a US Army Special Operations Team Leader in Vietnam (coined his “Rice Paddy MBA”), love of his family and friendship circle, plus luck-of-the-draw DNA with making him the person he has become today—an author, advocate, and fun-loving grandfather living on Cape Cod, Massachusetts.
During his accomplished business career (high-tech CEO, venture capitalist, board chairman, non-profit leader, award-winning entrepreneur, senior advisor), Peter has applied “lessons of leadership through adversity” from his life-altering experiences—themes found throughout his first book, All Hands on Deck: Navigating Your Team Through Crises, Getting Your Organization Unstuck, and Emerging Victorious.
In his book Uprooted, Peter intimately shares his personal odyssey and acquired expertise to advocate for regulatory oversight of the multibillion-dollar reproductive industry that conceives hundreds of half-siblings from a single donor—children and adults who are unaware of the existence of their half-siblings.
In this episode, we explore the bridge between the adoption community and donor conceived people. Peter explains the history of scientific “solutions” for couples struggling with fertility. We also discuss the shared dilemmas of identity, genetic history and eraser. Peter believes as most do in our adoption community that everyone has the right to know where they came from.
Amy Hansen is a domestic adopted person born in 1969, she was placed for adoption at birth. Amy has been married to a wonderfully supportive husband for 30 years, they have three amazing children and a golden retriever. She has been reunion for almost four years and recently came out of the fog. Amy wants to share her story to spread the message of adoption trauma and offer support to all parties touched by adoption. In this episode, Amy shares the angst of coming to terms with adoption loss. She just reached out a few days ago and said that so much healing has happened since we recorded this episode last year. Amy gives us hope that we can persevere!
Chris Duffy-Wentzel is an adopted person, personal life coach, author of Finding The Missing Peace and speaker living in the Sedona area. Chris is a Results Coach certified through the Neuroleadership Institute and accredited by the International Coaching Federation. Her private practice focuses on wellness and helping individuals manage careers, relationships and life transitions. In this episode, we discuss our experiences with cancer and how important awareness is. We explore how adoption might be at the core of both physical and psychological issues. Chris encourages all of us to be empathetic with the tender hurting parts of ourselves. She also emphasizes that each of us creates our own unique path to wholeness.
Jacquelin Taybron in her words is an unapologetic International Adoptee, a cool ex-wife and a highly successful co-parent and grandparent. She was born in Landstuhl, Germany in February of 1964, and is the youngest of four daughters. Jacquelin was content until she had a family of her own and realized she needed the whole truth. In this episode, Jacquelin shares her lived experience with all of it’s twists and turns.
Paige Strickland is an Ohio born Baby Scoop Era Adopted person. She has been in reunion with her biological mothers side for 33 years and 20 years on her fathers side. Paige is married with two daughters, two grandkids. She is also a licensed teacher and the author of two memoir books: AKIN TO THE TRUTH and AFTER THE TRUTH. In this episode Paige discusses reunion and how adoption is the gift that just keeps on giving, confirming that adoption is a life long experience.
Matt Otto is an adopted person based in New York City. He is a sound designer who received his MFA degree from the Yale School of Drama along with his BFA from Boston University. Matt shares the heart wrenching discovery that he was conceived as the result of a sexual assault. This difficult truth was not revealed to him even after he was in reunion with his first mom. The twists and turns of Matt’s story are captivating, inspiring and redemptive. Matt has taken his enormous talent and built a soul filling career, he has also built a beautiful family. We are joined by our in-house musician/ sound engineer Sean Farley to talk about the creative process and how sound/ music heals. This episode also includes and a on-the-spot surprise that moved us deeply. Matt is proof that we can find our way to full out living in spite of the difficulties adoption brings.
Disclaimer:
We experienced some technical issues during the recording of this podcast episode. The joys of the virtual experience.
Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao is the founder and CEO of the Center For Family Connections Inc. est. 1995-2012, The Adoption Resource Center est. 1979 and PACT (Pre/Post Adoption Consulting and Training), est. 1982. Dr. Pavao has built comprehensive post adoption services and has done training both nationally and internationally. She is a Lecturer in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and has written the book THE FAMILY OF ADOPTION. Her areas of specialty include complex blended families by adoption, step parenting, fostering, kinship, alternative reproductive technologies-specializing in child welfare. As and adopted person herself she understands that healing is deeply personal. This episode focuses on empathy, complex trauma and how we can take action steps to grow and heal at our own pace.
Leslie Pate Mackinnon is a therapist who specialized in issues that impact families conceived thought adoption and third party reproduction. For three decades she’s been sharing her expertise on these topics at conferences and events across the country and around the world. Her lived experience is that of a first mother who relinquished two sons for adoption the mid 1960’s and a quarter of a century later, gave birth and raised IVF twins. Her experiences in both, and her extensive academic training, have given Leslie a unique perspective into alternate methods of building a family. The tremendous losses inherent in adoption and 3rd party reproduction, are seldom, if ever, addressed ahead of time with families, which sets them up for irreparable damage and dysfunction. Leslie’s passion is educating therapists. She offers on-line supervision in Adoption Competency.
Her story is included in the book The Girls Who Went Away and the documentary A Girl Like Her. Leslie was interviewed by Robin Roberts on Good Morning America, featured in Dan Rather’s report; Adoption or Abduction and appeared on the Katie Couric Show along along with her oldest son. She has appeared on CNN and is a consultant to those being reunited on TLC’s Long Lost Family. Leslie is licensed in the state of Georgia.
This episode is overflowing with truth, heartache and hope. Leslie does not shy away from answering and asking the hard questions. It was a gift to hear her perspective and gain a deeper understanding of the collateral damage relinquishment can bring.
Some of the content in this episode covers topics such as suicide & sexual abuse.
Jean Provance is an energy packed force of nature! She is a domestic same race adoptee who compeleted her search and reunion in 2004 after discovering letters from her biological mother with the name of the case worker. She went on to reclaim her original name in 2010. Jean holds a Bachelors Degree in visual arts and psychology from Ramapo College and a Masters Degree in social work from New York University. She works as an intensive in community therapist with children, teens and families. Jean is also a licensed clinical social worker, a certified clinical trauma professional and has a certificate in adoption counseling. She has spoken at various conferences over the years as expert on adoption, adoption ethics, self care and keys to reunion success. Jean is the mother of two amazing children and just became licensed as a play therapist.
This episode is high octane, Jean takes us through her personal journey and packs the later part of the epsiode with a lot of practical advice.
Darryl Nelson is an adoptee person who wrote the book A TIME LINE OF THE INJUSTICE OF ADOPTION LAW. Darryl was born in 1964 in Queensland, Australia. His birth certificate was altered by the Government to make it “as if” he was born to adoptive parents. When he was 14 years old he discovered he was adopted. It was not until he was 30 years old that laws changed in Australia and he was allowed to apply for information about his biological mother, who he discovered had tragically passed away when she was only 30. In 2020, Darryl took his case to the Supreme Court of Queensland for his adoption to be discharged. He represented himself and won. Darryl did not discharge his adoption out of malice but to set the record straight about his true identity.
Darryl has comprehensive knowledge regarding the history of adoption, both of these episodes are historically compelling. His bravery to represent himself in court and to claim his truth is nothing less than inspiring. (Please note this episode may be triggering)
Darryl Nelson is an adopted person who wrote the book A TIME LINE OF THE INJUSTICE OF ADOPTION LAW. Darryl was born in 1964 in Queensland, Australia. His birth certificate was altered by the Government to make it “as if” he was born to his adoptive parents. When he was 14 years old he discovered that he was adopted. It was not until he was 30 years old that laws changed in Australia and he was allowed to apply for information about his biological mother, who he discovered had tragically passed away when she was only 30. In 2020, Darryl took his case to the Supreme Court of Queensland for his adoption to be discharged. He represented himself and won. Darryl did not discharge his adoption out of malice but to set the record straight about his true identity.
Darryl has comprehensive knowledge regarding the history of adoption. Both of these episodes are historically compelling. His bravery to represent himself in court and to claim his truth is nothing less than inspiring. ( Please note this episode discusses abuse and other material that could be triggering)
Molly Washington is a split feather/ lost bird (Native American adopted person/ foster child) She is also an attorney who serves as the Chief Operating Officer for the Oregon Chapter of National Association of Minority Contractors (NAMC-OR is a non-profit organization that supports and advocates for the inclusion of BIPOC contractors on construction projects, with the goal of achieving economic justice. Molly was formerly a construction and transactions attorney who previously served as in house counsel for the City of Portland. She currently serves on the Boards of the Native American Youth and Family Center, the NAYA Action Fund, the Safe From Hate Contractor Coalition Steering Committee and the AGC DEI Committee. Molly is married and has three beautiful children.
This episode speaks to how a crises can open a window of courage. Molly shares her relentless search for her identity and how finding her truth anchored her spirit. She also speaks to the importance of allowing space for the adopted person to ask questions without shame. A few days ago Molly sent me a picture of her new split feather tattoo, this power house woman has claimed her true self.
Dirk is a transracial adopted person who was adopted by white parents in 1960 during the Baby Scoop Era. He was raised is a small town in Central Illinois where he was the only person of color. Dirk has an older adopted brother and two sisters who were naturally born by his parents. His racial identity was a question mark for the first 50 years of his life. Dirk thought he was one race until it was confirmed that he was another. He came out of the fog about a year and a half ago, he is married with four grown children.
In this episode, we talk about the ache of not belonging, of not seeing yourself reflected back in those around you. Dirk’s ready smile, deep faith and passion for helping other adopted people navigate the issues of identity jumps straight to the heart.
Megan is a writer and a visual artist. She runs The Dollhouse. She is also an adopted person. Her debut hybrid memoir-in-essays, The Guild of the Infant Saviour: An Adopted Child’s Memory Book, was published in May 2021. She was born in a charity hospital in Hell's Kitchen four years before Governor Rockefeller legalized abortion in New York. Her natural mother was sent away to The Guild of the Infant Saviour- a Catholic home for unwed mothers in Manhattan to give birth to her in secret. On the eve of Megan becoming a mother, she began a search for the truth about her past, which led to a realization of her two identities and three mothers.
This episode was recorded on Megans Birthday, we discuss the complicated feelings about Birthdays. Then we dive into her writing, art work and how she has managed the storms of self discovery. Megans massive talent, artistic reach and compassion for finding self are nothing less than inspiring. She always insists on her cup of stars.
Joe Soll is the author of “Adoption Healing…a path to recovery”, co-author of “Evil Exchange” and “Fatal Flight”. He is a Psychotherapist and lecturer recognized internationally as an expert in adoption related issues. He is the director and co-founder of Adoption Crossroads, an international, non-profit organization consisting of over 470 adoption agencies, mental health institutions and adoption search and support groups in 8 countries, representing over 500,000 individuals whose lives have been affected by adoption. Mr. Soll has appeared on Radio and Television over 250 times. He also organized ten international mental health conferences on adoption attended by mental health professionals. The list of his accomplishments are too vast to mention in full.
This episode is packed with Joe’s lifetime of wisdom, advice and straight talk. We discuss the disrupting impact of surrender on the psychological development of the adopted person. He dedicates his work to all who either are or were missing in adoption.
Jennifer’s journey at Ancestry® began more than 20 years ago with a love of editing, writing, and publishing—and a strong desire to remain close to her Utah roots. Today, her passion for storytelling remains at an all-time high, thanks in part to the technological innovations she’s witnessed throughout her career. Stories that once took days to research now unfold in minutes. It’s Jennifer’s job to surface the power of Ancestry® for television programming, public relations campaigns, and media outlets. In this episode, we dive into how DNA has changed the discovery process for adopted people.
For our 50th Episode and the grand finale of our "Gifted"series we are thrilled to share our behind the scenes/song release episode. As fate would have it, Heidi Frederick flew from California to where I live in Washington State to say goodbye to her father who passed a few days ago. The song "Looking for Me" represents the ache of grappling with the complex feelings of discovering who we truly are. The process of recovering identity is messy; this song represents the hope that we can give each other grace. The timing of this song and its message is not coincidental. Sean Farley PBTR musician/sound engineer joins us on this episode as we share how the song came to life. Pulled By The Root is so grateful for all of your support, may this song and our platform be a place you can find yourself.
For our “ Gifted Series”, we would like to reintroduce Heidi Frederick, she is an incredible author, speaker and poet. During our first episode almost a year ago Heidi read her poem “Looking For Me”, our music master, singer/songwriter Sean Farley suggested we turn her words into a song and we are happy to say that has happened. This week we are proudly re-releasing the wonderful conversation that started a months long collaboration. Being witness to the creative process is confirmation that healing and creating together is powerful. Pulled by The Root continues to be amazed by the talent and generosity of the people we have met along the way.
Next week we will share our behind the scenes episode and reveal the song “Looking for Me”, Lyrics by Heidi Frederick/ Vocals and Music by Sean Farley.
The electric Myles Redfern has returned for our "Gifted"series to share another slam poem. We break down the poem line by line getting into the emotions adopted people feel. Myles encourages all of us to say,"I AM AMAZING" and to avoid negative self talk. This episode is full of good energy and truth telling.
Ross John Martin plays beautiful acoustic music. He is an adopted person who as a teenager battled an illness called ME which left him temporarily in a wheelchair. He found refuge and a love for the guitar. Ross overcame the odds, his awakening of the soul is a theme in his songs. Ross recently found his biological family, most of his songs and blogs are about what it means to be adopted. In this “Gifted” series episode Ross reads the lyrics and shares three of his songs. We talk about the need to know the truth, how we can feel guarded, how it is hard to know where we fit in and how adopted people often feel split. Ross enthusiastically agreed to share his talent with our community so others can feel heard, understood and acknowledged. His music is full of honesty, emotion, grief and hope.
Dave Brown is a domestic adopted person, his adoption was closed, his identity erased when his adoption was finalized. Dave’s identity remained a state secret until he took an Ancestry DNA test in 2019. Within a few days of receiving his test results he found the identity of his birth father. The following month the identity of his birth mother was confirmed. Dave waited until late in life to find his truth because he didn’t wait to risk rejection. Both of his birth parents are deceased but he is in reunion with his birth father’s family and a first cousin on his Mother’s side. Dave recently planted an Adoptees Connect affiliate in San Jose, South Bay, he is happy to give back and be in service to other adopted people.
Monica and John were separately adopted, and never knew their sibling existed for decades. When they finally met, both said it was like they already knew each other. Monica was adopted as a little girl in NYC she had no idea that John was born to the same mother seven years later and adopted by a different family. After 27 years both received letters that said they had a sibling. The long-lost siblings’ biological mother chose not to have contact with them, but her children couldn’t stay apart. They spent every holiday together and when COVID struck there was no debate; the two were sticking together, staying as Schuss’ house.
One of their first joint efforts after finding each other was to advocate in Albany for an adoptee bill of rights that became law in 2020, allowing access to pre-adoption birth certificates. This episode speaks to the power of belonging, sibling bonds and the tremendous hope that Monica and John have for adopted people.
Destini is a former foster youth and adoptee but most of all she is a Christian, wife of 18 years and mother to three wonderful children. She is passionate about using her story to help others find healing and learn more about foster care and adoption.
Destini’s most recent endeavor is the publication of her memoir, Set Free in May of 2020. Set Free is Destini’s personal childhood memoir that begins at her birth and ends with the birth of her first child at the age of 23. Her extensive case file with child protective services began when she was seven months old due the abandonment by her biological mother and the state of health, she was left in.
Destini’s intention in writing her memoir is to give an inside look into the mind of a child experiencing layers of childhood trauma. It is her heart to advocate and give a voice to other’s who share similar stories. This episode covers the difficult subject of sexual abuse and suicide, we also talk about trauma bonding. Destini's survival is nothing less than miraculous.
Abby Forero Hilty is a transracial Intercountry adopted person. She was born in Bogota', Colombia and brought as an infant to a suburb of NYC by way of adoption by a white, Jewish couple. Abby is a fierce believer in family preservation as well as the need to confront the issues that uphold plenary adoption practices. In 2017, Abby published the first Colombian adoptee anthology with the voices of 17 Colombian adoptees. The book is called Decoding Our Origins: The Lived Experiences of Colombian adoptees. This episode dives into leadership in the adoption community and how we can collective grieve our losses so that all adopted people can feel less alone.
Mindy got her first TV writing job at 48, it took her 26 years to find her biological family she says you’re never too old and it’s never too late. Mindy was surrendered for adoption in the 1960’s, she spent three months in foster care before being adopted by a couple in New York City. In this episode, Mindy speaks passionately about her lived experience and encourages adopted people to never give up. As she so brilliantly wrote in a piece for CROSSIN(G) GENRES: Adoption is many things, but what adoption is first, is loss. Loss of a child, a parent, a sibling, a story, a history, a past, a bond. It does not matter how well you are raised, how loved you are, how much better your adoptive family is at providing or nurturing or parenting. It does not matter why or if it was for the best or if your life is so much better than it would have been. It does not matter. Because before it is anything else, adoption is loss-
Clay was adopted as an infant and went most of his life without knowing who his birth parents were. As an adult Clay has been reunified with his birth mother and five brothers he never knew existed. He has also fostered an infant and had the honor of adopting him after a long journey. They are hopeful he can be reunited with his original family one day. Clay and his wife also have four biological children who fill their lives with joy. In this episode, Clay speaks about his deep faith, parenting, and how he has coped with being rejected by his biological father. Clay vibrantly shares his truth along with his hope for those impacted by adoption.
Secrets dig a debt. “Christina” is an adopted daughter and a biological daughter. A youngest sister and an oldest sister. She is a devoted mother of two who is married to an amazing man. Her post reunion life has been riddled with shame, secrecy and heartache. This episode exposes the pain of what it is to be trapped between two worlds. ”Christina” wishes to be a champion for all adopted people who seek the answers of their true existence. She believes there is enough love to go around and that no one should ever have to choose.
Psychotherapist Tony Dunne was born in the 70’s, the eldest of three adopted children. He was raised in the inner city working class area of Dublin Ireland. Childhood was full of fears, he always felt unknown and knew there was something different about him. His teen years were a struggle, Tony felt fearful and anxious in most surroundings. At 15 years old he found alcohol, his first drink gave him a connection he had never felt before. Tony eventually hit rock bottom, his recovery opened a new chapter and profound things happened. Connection was never easy but being able to tell his story and ask questions has made Tony the psychotherapist he is today. Being adopted has given Tony the opportunity to identify and connect with the difficulties adopted people face. He deeply believes telling our story can set us free. ( Note: There is a bit of technical turbulence on my end, luckily Tonys' message comes across loud and clear)
Chilean Adoptees Worldwide "CAW" was founded by Alejandro Quezada, Maria Angelica Martinez and Jessica Pincheira who were adopted illegally to the Netherlands, Sweden and Belgium. In the 70's, 80's and 90's a wave of children were leaving Chili through adoption during the dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet. Many of these children were not relinquished voluntarily. In the first episode, Maria shares her personal journey in heart wrenching detail. In the second episode, Alejandro and Jessica join us to share more about the life changing work they are doing. Illegal adoption and child trafficking are a global problem. "CAW" not only wants to bring justice and healing for Chilean Adopted People they also want to join hands with adopted people around the world to strengthen our voices. NOTE: Episodes do contain graphic descriptions of physical and sexual violence.
Chilean Adoptees Worldwide "CAW" was founded by Alejandro Quezada, Maria Angelica Martinez and Jessica Pincheira who were adopted illegally to the Netherlands, Sweden and Belgium. In the 70's, 80's and 90's a wave of children were leaving Chili through adoption during the dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet. Many of these children were not relinquished voluntarily. In the first episode, Maria shares her personal journey in heart wrenching detail. In the second episode, Alejandro and Jessica join us to share more about the life changing work they are doing. Illegal adoption and child trafficking are a global problem. "CAW" not only wants to bring justice and healing for Chilean Adopted People they also want to join hands with adopted people around the world to strengthen our voices. NOTE: Episodes do contain graphic descriptions of physical and sexual violence.
This episode is graphic, containing detailed descriptions of physical violence, suicide, sexual and physical abuse. This anonymous interview speaks to pain of adoption and how it can adversely affect us and the people we care about. So many adopted people are suffering in isolation. "Andy" takes us through the darkness of his complex trauma toward the light of redemption. His mission is to speak his truth and share his pain so that our adopted brothers and sisters can feel validated. "Andy" also wants society to understand that adoption is loss. He speaks honestly about his own self destructive tendencies and the triumphs toward his own self preservation. His bravery, vulnerability and determination to help himself and others speaks to the soul. It was important to "Andy" to share his story the way he wanted to. We hear you brother "Andy"....
Alesia and Kara created the organization called Right to Know. They believe laws related to genetic information, identity and family dynamics need to be updated to reflect the changing technology and social dynamics of the times. Both of these incredible women have experienced something called an MPE- Misattributed Parentage Experience-the discovery of a change in a person's perceived parental genealogy from a previously unknown or undisclosed assisted conception, adoption or Non Paternity Event. It is disorienting to discover your identity is not what you thought it was. The MPE and Adoption communities support the fundamental right to know your genetic heritage. By collaborating with like minded groups we can begin to change the laws that stand in our way. This episode is a rich conversation about how we can connect and empower each other.
Greg Luce is a Minnesota based attorney and a DC born adopted person. He is the founder of Adoptee Rights Law Center and the president of Adoptees United Inc. He is a graduate of Boston University and the University of Minnesota Law School. Greg helps adopted people navigate legal challenges in obtaining their own original birth certificated, securing U.S. citizenship, and seeking information to which they are entitled. He is also working to develop broader legal strategies to challenge existing legal frameworks that operate to deny adopted people basic and fundamental rights of identity.
Barbara Sumner is the author of the stunning book Tree of Strangers. She has worked in film and journalism and manages Cloud South Pictures with her husband, Tom Burstyn. In 2009 This Way Of Life, their feature documentary about a family living simply in the Rhine Ranges won the Berlinale Generation Jury Prize at the Berlin Film Festival, was shortlisted for an Oscar and won awards at film festivals around the world. Barbara is currently a PhD candidate studying adoption, third party conception and the creation of identity.
Lance is an adopted person, reverend, blogger and podcaster of Two Lucky Bastards. He is also a researcher who will be a starting a PhD considering the impact of closed stranger adoption. He currently resides in New Zealand and is happy to be a antipodean (voice form the bottom of the world) In this episode, he openly shares his lived experience of being adopted and how it has impacted his life and his faith. His podcast Two Lucky Bastards dives into conversations about the book Tree of Strangers by Barbara Sumner. He deeply values adopted peoples voices and believes these conversations need to be had.
In our first episode, Mirah discussed the problems with adoption, in this episode she focuses on the solutions. As an advocate of family preservation not adoption separation, Mirah seeks an end to the falsification of vital records and believes that adoption as it is currently practiced needs to be replaced with guardian adoption after all attempts to provide resources for children to remain safely within their extended family have been exhausted. Such permanent legal guardianship would give all necessary rights to caretakers without falsifying the adopted person's original birth certificate.
Mirah Riben is the author of two internationally acclaimed books, Shedding Light on The Dark Side of Adoption and The Stork Market: Amercia’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry. Mirah has published over 200 articles in the Huffington Post, USA Today and Crime Magazine to name a few. Her body of work spans four decades of researching and exposing the problems in the adoption industry, third party conception, anonymous contact conception and surrogacy, and the denial of adoptee rights to their authentic birth certificates. Mirah is a vocal advocate who is in favor of family preservation, in opposition of all profiteering in adoption and wants to end falsification of birth certificates and restore equal access for adoptees who have been issued fraudulent birth certificates. Risking imprisonment, Mirah has reunited hundreds of families separated by adoption and helped pregnant mothers prevent unnecessary loss by providing temporary shelter in her home. Mirah does not hold back in the two episodes we did together. She is not swayed by what people believe to be “extreme” views and “extreme” solutions. NO matter where your opinions land, these conversations will give you a lot to think about.
Heather was found on the streets of Busan Korea in 1973 , then adopted at 6 months old to a family in Michigan. She holds 3 Masters degrees and currently works for Apple in their professional learning group. Heather also has a minor in theatre, taught ballroom dance and took classical ballet for 15 years. She is married with one daughter and a step son. In this episode Heather shares what her lived experience as a transracial adopted person has been like. Her journey has been filled with challenges and unimaginable loss yet she remains strong. Heather is an example that no matter what has happened we can build a beautiful life.
Kate became a therapist in midlife and has an affinity for working with people experiencing anxiety or undue stress brought on by life transitions. She knows it takes a lot of guts to enter into a therapeutic relationship. As an adopted person, Kate understands first hand the grief adoptees face. In her blog "The Couch", she writes about the 6 stages of grief and how they relate to adoption. In this episode, Kate shares her own lived experience along with her professional insights. This interview validates that we can manage our trauma and that it does not have to manage us.
Kevin Barhydt is an adopted person, YouTube creator, and the author of Dear Stephen Michaels's Mother. His YouTube channel creates a safe space for survivors of addiction, abandonment, adoption and child sexual abuse to explore the healing process. At 45 years old, Kevin began the painful journey to uncover his origins. He agreed to come on our podcast using his Twins Video format (where Kevin's inner child and adult self communicate). What you are about to hear is a planning session I didn't know was being recorded until Kevin surprised me. We cover the themes of loneliness, shame and forgiveness inside the topic of adoption.
Sara's book SEARCHING FOR MOM is a "disarmingly honest" mother-daughter story. As an adoptee Sara has lived the effects of intergenerations wounding. The inherent sense of being unwanted drove her into perfectionism. Her mother's death launched her into a spiritual epiphany. Sara's perspective as an adopted person offers insight to anyone in the adoption constellation. She has a passion for helping others understand the often-misunderstood hearts of adopted children. In this episode we discuss our obsession with butterflies, the perils of writing and the complications of motherhood. Sara is vulnerable, hopeful and is making full use of her beautiful wings.
Vin was adopted from India and raised in Australia he is an advocate, photographer and a model with a huge heart. What Vin has survived in hard to comprehend, yet he remains hopeful and full of life. This episode does discuss suicide, rape and sexual orientation. Vin also discusses his personal experience with bullying inside the adoption community. His vulnerability and willingness to share his truth is an act of courage. All sides, all voices need to be heard, thank you Vin for sharing your perspective!
Amanda is a transracial adoptee who grew up struggling with self-identity, racial identity issues, low self-esteem and anxiety. She fought for years to figure out who she was and how she fit in. She is on a journey of forgiveness, acceptance and discovery which is making her stronger. Amanda wants to inspire other adoptees to heal and empower themselves. She has a FB group for transracial adoptees, adoptive/foster parents of transracial adoptees to learn and network with each other. Amanda also has a youtube channel focused on her experiences as a transracial adoptee.
Moses Farrow, LMFT is an Adoption Trauma Therapist, with over 20 years in the mental health field. He is on a mission to save adoptee lives, sharing his personal experiences as a survivor of abuse, suicide and suicide loss. He has also become an outspoken advocate for mental health, suicide prevention, anti-racism and adoption reform. He has also begun the #truthislouder movement which encourages adoptees to speak their truth and invites everyone to help save adoptee lives.
Bernie mIller is a late discovery adoptee who found out he was adopted 3.5 years ago at the age of 62. He is currently working on his memoir that describes his experiences through the new discovery lens. Bernie wants to help people understand that birth and adoption trauma are real and not to be dismissed. He also agreed to sing a song during this episode which caused me to "lose it". Bernie is passionate about vocal music and theater, he is intent on finishing a 2nd degree in Theatre Arts. Bernies voice spoken or sung warms the soul~
Lesli Johnson is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, she is also a Coach specializing in adoption related issues. As an adoptee, her personal experience allows her to connect with our community. Lesli is a certified EMDR therapist trained in Brainspotting and the Trauma Resiliency Model. This episode tenderly addresses the wounds of adoption. Lesli has made it her life's work to help those who suffer.
Adoptee Rebekah Clark is a connector, creator and curator. With an international media, marketing and communications career spanning over 20 years. Rebekah's passion is people, her most ambitious endeavor to date is Happy Marlo: a well-being platform and community on a mission to change childhoods through tailored healing modalities. Rebekah radiates kindness, this episode is all about finding a way to make the most of our difficulties.
www.happymarlo.com
Instagram:
@rebekah_clark78
@happymarlolife
Eline was adopted from Iran into a Dutch family when she was 1.5 years old. A documentary film "Finding Farideh" followed Eline to Iran to search for her biological family called. In this episode we discuss her film, spirituality and the complexities of adoption . Eline shares how she has learned to accept herself and find peace. She is a prolific writer and we shared a few poems back and forth. Eline's spirit is boundless; she has a heart for helping adoptees through their struggles.
I have known "Jordyn" for over ten years but I never knew the depth of her pain. She pours out her heart wrenching grief, shame and trauma in our first live podcast. Being in the same room as "Jordyn" shared was an experience I will never forget. A few days before our interview she lost her grandmother and decided to come anyway. It was important to "Jordyn" to speak about the powerlessness that drove her to relinquish her daughter.
Lorah is an adoptee on a mission to help other adoptees know they are not alone. She is a Reiki Master and an Intuitive. Lorah believes we have the power to heal, her life and journey are a testimony to what is possible. This episode is raw, deep and light hearted~
Gabrielle Glaser exposes the shadow side of adoption through her powerful book American Baby. Her passion, empathy and conviction are evident in her writing and in her reporting. The depth of her knowledge is electric. This episode is packed full of the truth! Gabrielle fearlessly peels back the layers of secrecy and shame to reveal the human cost of archaic adoption practices.
Vickie helped me care for my ill adopted mom when our relationship was in turmoil. I did not learn until this conversation that my mom did not tell her I was adopted. Vickie and her husband have helped shelter over 150 children with the goal of reunification. This episode speaks to all the ways mothering can heal and damage.
"Caroline" reached out to me and I am so grateful she did. This anonymous interview was healing in real time. "Caroline" told her story without flinching with the hope that others can feel seen and heard. This episode touches on reunion and all the highs and lows adoptees face. We see you Caroline and you are BEAUTIFUL!
Author/Therapist Pam Cordano continues to amaze me with her insights. Her book "10 Foundations-For a Meaningful Life ( No matter What Happened) is filled with truth and hope. We discussed her adoption story and then we took a deep dive into a variety of topics including how despair can turn into deeper meaning.
This conversation with adoptee Nicole Koharik took a deep dive into Motherhood. Nicole allowed me to read her blog post back to her about her son, it was powerful to share such a sacred space. We talked about the experience of meeting our first blood relatives through the birth of our sons. Nicole strives to help adoptees know they are not alone...
Lynelle Long a global advocate and a warrior for change. She shares deeply personal stories about her own adoption as well as her advocacy. This episode is a master class that uncovers the issues adoptees face, especially transracial adoptees. Lynelle's conviction is a force field of strength and relentless courage.
Alex is an adoptee from Columbia who prefers to be introduced as a human, I love that he pushes back against labels. He believes that considering the complexity of all that we are is important. Alex has a brilliant mind, his insights stretched the boundaries of my own thinking.
This episode with therapist Janet Nordine felt empowering, validating and hopeful. Janet shared the gut wrenching truth about her own adoption and her own ways of coping. We decided that we will meet one day and run barefoot in the grass!
Powerhouse adoptee Astrid Castro of Adoption Mosaic shares everything from snowboarding, advocacy and parenting. Her reach is extensive and it was a privilege to hear how she continues to help our community heal.
I am Heidi Marble the founder of the Pulled By The Root project. This trailer not only introduces you to part of my personal story, it introduces you to our vision. Our mission is multifaceted, anchored in conviction to do what we can to amplify the issues surrounding adoption.
I will be jumping in to give nibbles of my own story (basically talking to myself). This particular solo-sode speaks to the pain between my adopted mom Joy and myself after my reunification with my birth family.
Website: https://www.pulledbytheroot.com
Jim is an adoptee that does not hold back! His generosity, honesty and willingness to share his story moved me deeply. Jim has welcomed us with open arms into the adoptee community. His message of hope, healing and tenacity shine a light in the darkness.
Website: https://thisadopteelife.com/adoptee-story-james-serrano/
Heidi Frederick is the author of "Faith Hope and Love", our time together was filled with stunning twists and turns. This talented compassionate human gives so much during this interview. Her messages were thought out and given with grace, humility and honesty. Our time together broke my heart open and repaired it.
Speaking Website: https://www.womenspeakers.com/san-jose-/speaker/heidi-frederick
My pastor and his wife agreed to open themselves to a conversation about adoption. The fact that they acknowledge the trauma adoptees face was so validating. Adoptees need the support of their adoptive families, this couple is a beautiful example of what that support looks like.
This episode is anonymous, this 16 year old powerhouse adoptee goes by the name Myles Redfern. Not only does she share her slam poetry, she shares her heart and vibrant personality. The last part of this episode dives deep into what her experience as an adoptee has been like.
Admittedly, I have held pain and resentment toward my birth mother for giving me up for adoption. This interview with Ashley allowed me to understand what it must have been like for my birth mother to experience this trauma. This raw unflinching conversation about Ashleys grief flung my eyes wide open untangling twisted knots of pain. Our time together changed my heart forever; nothing changes unless we see and hear each other.
Anne Heffron wrote one of my favorite books "You Don't Look Adopted". Her willingness to share her truth widens understanding. Anne's straight talk about the issues adoptees face fills this conversation. Her thoughts, ideas and candor left all of us crying and laughing.
Website: https://www.anneheffron.com
Sara shares her truth about what it's like to be adopted. Her modeling and art work have become an avenue for expression and healing. She is married to an amazing man and has the cutest daughter ever!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/CJcwdwdjU3G/
Website: https://www.daintypapilio.com
Discussion with Michael Barnett about what goes into creating a documentary. Michael is an Emmy Award winning filmmaker focused on telling human stories of culture and social justice. His films have premiered at Sundance and Tribeca and have won awards at 40 festivals around the globe. SuperFilms! is a full service production company, focused on telling extraordinary stories across all media platforms.