Sam Sylk Show: Recent Episodes
Sam Sylk
Dear Sam,I was dating and living with my boyfriend for 2 years, we have 1 child together. While he was finishing up school and getting his life together, I have been holding us down financially. Like any relationship we had our arguments about life, I surely didn’t think it was anything that we would end up breaking up about. But he has now graduated, started a new job and says he is happy but says we just don’t click. He says that he can’t take the arguing we do. I had bought him a car that is paid for, but he wants to leave so I told him I’m cool with that but he can’t have the car (it’s in my name). His mother called me saying that I’m wrong, how is he supposed to get to work. But I said if he wants out the relationship he wants out the perks. She said what I’m doing is the same as if she were to say she would no longer baby sit for me while I’m working and what not. Am I wrong? How should I handle this?
Dear Sam,Every relationship I have ever had has ended in infidelity. From high and college boyfriends to my ex-husband. Recently I had been dating a guy for 2 years and once again I found out he was not only cheating but had gotten someone pregnant. I cried and asked him what would make him do this to us? His answer was that’s what men do. He said he loves me but men were not created to be with just one woman. He says there is always the main one which is me but there will always be another. Is this true? Or, is it me?
He Flipped Out Becasue I Want To Spend Time With My Family For The Holidays by Sam Sylk
Dear SamI met a man, who told me he was unhappy in his marriage and had tried leaving his wife before but didn’t because his daughters were too young. Now we both claim we have fallen in love, and he wants to get an apartment with me and eventually divorce his wife. All the meanwhile he’s still living with his wife. He says they’re just roommates and nothing more. Emotionally, I’m a wreck because I miss him when we aren’t together. He asks me to give him time to leave her because he has a lot of assets and needs to prepare before the separation. I never planned for any of this and neither did he. We just got along so well and now have both fallen. What should I do now? Do I wait? He doesn’t want me dating anyone else and is scared of the thought that, if he leaves her if he and I don’t work out. I care about him and I know I’m not ready to walk away, but I’m hurt and tired of sharing him. I just know he’s someone I can see myself with, but this living in a limbo is becoming stressful. Advice?
Dear Sam,I had been dating this guy for 3 months. He planned a little romantic trip for us to go on. A week before the trip, I had to cancel because of a family emergency. He told me "no worries" but since he had already paid for it, that he was still going and I was like cool, I get it. The problem is he took another woman and was posting the pics all over IG. He claims that she was just a friend and nothing happened and also claims some of his other friends went too. But he was also quick to remind me that we only been going out for 3 months, and that I was being a little insecure acting. Am I tripping? Is it that we haven't been dating long enough for exclusivity? Help me out. Should I just leave him alone?
Dear Sam, After dating my girlfriend for almost a year and a half, she told me that she had five or six threesomes in her past. This occurred when her husband was ill and he gave her permission to seek satisfaction outside of the marriage. She got on a dating app and hooked up with a “friend with benefits” who, after a while, proceeded to set up MMF (male, male, female) threesomes. They both enjoyed the one-on-one sex and the threesomes for almost a year. The threesomes were done without her husband’s knowledge, and as his illness got worse, she walked away from that lifestyle. She says it was just sex. Her husband eventually passed and she didn’t see anyone before dating me. I really value this relationship and need to process this information that she’s shared with me. I seem to be experiencing retroactive jealousy over something I had absolutely nothing to do with. But I can’t get her being with threesomes out of my head. Is this a red flag? Should I just move on? I feel like I’m dating a totally different woman now and I’m not 100% sure I like it. Advice please
Dear Sam, A little over two years ago my wife was diagnosed with MS. The first year she handled it pretty well with only a few minor adjustments to our daily life. The past year has been not as great, and while I understand she is going to have her good days and bad days, it been more bad the past few months. I try my best to make sure I do all I can for her; I take care of all of the household chores like cleaning, dishes, laundry, cooking and outside yard while also making sure the kids are taken care of. Fatigue is one of the things that her MS really has hit her hard with so I even try to give her time to herself so she can nap or just relax. However, she has become very snippy and angry all the time at the kids and me. It’s frustrating as I feel I’m always walking on eggshells afraid if I say something wrong or do a chore not the way she would, than she flips out. The kids often question why mommy is always yelling at everyone. I have spoken to my wife about this and she says she is sorry and will try to relax and not yell at us, but that only lasts a day or so. It’s like she’s angry at the world that she has MS, but the thing is she is only mean to us. She goes with friends and her sisters and treats all of them great and then comes home and is distant towards the kids and me. Honestly, she is pushing us away, and I find it more fun to do things when it’s just me with the kids. Her MS has changed her and I don’t expect her to be perfect by any means — I just don’t get why she is now so different towards her own family who would do anything to help her. Our sex life used to be amazing and overall it’s still good, but I often feel she just does it to please me. While I completely understand our lives will always be different than how they were before her MS, I feel like she is allowing the MS to take over her life. I will never know the pain she deals with daily, but I do know a lot of people live good lives with MS. We are still young, in our 30’s and I love her dearly, but I fear that if the kids and I have to deal with years and years of her taking her emotions out on us, it will only drive us away. Do you have any advice?
Dear Sam, I have been married to my wife for 15 years. Given her everything she has ever asked for and everything I promised her before we got married. We both are hard working people. But I found myself playing second fiddle to her job, the kids, her family and sometimes her friends. She is active in everything except being there for me and my needs. Making a long story short I stepped out on my wife because for one it was sexual but for two I needed someone just to talk too. My wife found out, I told her why I did what I did, and it’s not like we didn’t argue about my needs before this. She of course is now furious and wants us to go to counseling or possibly divorcing. The crazy part is I’m not apologizing for cheating because I told her something was wrong for well over a year. I don’t feel I should go to counseling because I don’t have a problem, she does. But crazier I don’t want to lose my wife or marriage I just want her to act like my wife. Am I wrong? I need some advice, on what I should do.
Dear Sam, I am a mother to a 20 year old daughter. It's been me and her until about 2010 when I moved in officially with my then on and off boyfriend. We have been through a lot especially me, but I tried to raise her the best I can while going through the unfortunate things I was going through and we are all not perfect parents. She also had a few traumatic experiences in her life and also has a mental illness. She was dealing with a behavioral specialist and getting medication since she was about 10. After my brother got murdered and she graduated high school, it's like she completely went left. Being lazy don't wanna do anything, but stay wanna run the streets with ''friends". Talks back to me, won't keep a job always have an excuse for not wanting to keep a job, and the list goes on and on. I have tried to get her to go back to trying to get medication and talk to a therapist but she just won't do it. I put her out but now she is back staying with me because of a situation she had with a lady whom was her roommate. She started a job but lied and said she was waiting on a schedule but she actually quit. I'm at my wits end and I wanna put her out again! I don't know what to do please help!!
Dear Sam, I’m very unhappy with my current employer, and I’ve just been offered my dream job—except it is in a rural town in another state where I know nobody, far away from my friends and my city. Career-wise it would be a great choice, and I could probably come back to the city in a couple years, but I am hesitant. Part of my hesitation is that I am scared of leaving my city to move to a small town where I might not meet any like-minded people. The other part is that a couple months ago I started seeing a man I really like, respected love. We have long-term potential, which is really exciting to me after a string of dead-end relationships. I feel like I won’t meet anyone like him in a small town, but, on the other hand, I have only known him for, like, two months and it's way too soon to do the I'll follow you thing. He seems a little down since I told him about the opportunity, but supportive at the same time. I have two weeks to make the decision. Do I choose love or a career?
Dear Sam, I have been dating a guy for about a year. When we first met he told me he had 3 kids by 2 baby mama's. Now that things have gotten serious, which he wasn't sure how serious we would be (we are talking marriage and moving in together) He has two more kids and two more baby mama's that live in another state. We are both in our 40's. Am I making a mistake with him?
Dear Sam, My boyfriend and I are having a horrible disagreement. Him and my 30 year old son don't get along. My son needed money to pay a ticket. I didn't have it so I asked my boyfriend for the money but didn't tell him that's what I needed for. Somehow, my boyfriend found what the money was for and went off. He said that because I lied about what I wanted, the money for that made me a thief. He said my son needs to learn how to figure his BS out, and I need to run him his money back or get out. I'm going to give him his money back on Friday, but I'm also considering moving out because I think he is being extreme. Was I and am I wrong? We have been together for 10 years. Any advice would help, please, and thank you.
Dear Sam,I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago. Everything was perfect. I mean, too good to be true perfect, no fighting, great to me and my child. Anyway, after our one year together, he started to have no feelings. Like, he was empty. He said that the only feeling he had was for his boys, and that as they get older, they don’t need him anymore and that hurts him.It makes me feel so confused because everything was great. At first I thought he sounded depressed but now I am thinking he just turned 50 and might be having a midlife crisis. But I am unsure, and unsure how to help him. We still live together but just as friends because he broke up with me. But he said he didn’t want to hurt me. I need help please . . . what should I do?
Dear SamI found out recently that my daughter’s mother has been dating men she meets from out of town on Facebook. She meets guys on Facebook and I guess she has conversations with them via DM. I found out about it because my oldest daughter with her is 10 years old. My 10 year old told me because she wanted to go to a slumber party but her mother told her she needs to stay with me on the weekend. I thought she was just letting me bond with them more but according to my daughter, she is inviting these guys to come down from wherever they come from and spend the weekend with her in her house. My daughter is afraid for her and wants me to say something to her. I’m thinking they might need to come live with me. Am I overreacting? Is it my place to ask her about her dating life?
Dear SamI am getting up in age, I have a successful career, and because of that career I have put a lot of things on hold. The biggest is having a family. I have had a hard time finding the man of my dreams because of work. However I have been a little more than friends with a married co-worker. Before everyone starts dogging me I know I am wrong for sleeping with this but I don't want him. As a matter of fact I just needed to get pregnant, which I did. I never told him about the baby but what happened was before I even started showing I lost my job. Unfortunately I do need his help a little now that the baby is here. I went to him and told him. He hit the roof and told me to go to hell and stay away from him. My question I guess is am I out of bounds if I take him to court? How should I handle this I still don't want him but I do need a little help?
Dear SamI have been dating this guy off and on for awhile. Things have been going really good. He proposed, I said yes. Then a woman comes to him saying that she is 6 months pregnant. It happened on our of again but now he seems confused on what to do. This will be his first child now I feel cheated. She is acting like we shouldn't get married and he should come back to her. I love him and I want to be supportive but am I asking for trouble for going ahead with a marriage to a man that is about to have a new born baby? Should I be trying to bridge a relationship with this woman for the sake of the child? I've been praying about this. But I would like to know how should I handle this?
Dear Sam,I have a major crush on my boss who is single. I’m in a long-term relationship in which my sex drive has been quite high over the past few months and my partner is generally always too tired to do anything. We also have had some problems this year but I don’t think that we are at the stage of breaking up. When we occasionally have sex, I am picturing my boss. My boyfriend and I have a young child together and I just don’t know why I can’t get over this crush! My boss is quite older than me, very kind and to me very good looking. I fantasize about him banging my brains out (At work), I’m not interested in a relationship with him. When it is just him and I, I feel that he sometimes flirts. He stands close to me, stares and we touch each other’s hand while handing over documents. However, in a group setting, he hardly talks to me and keeps his distance. We also have zero communication outside of work and I know that nothing will ever happen between us, he is not the type of person to fool around with his employee. He regularly talks about the woman who I took over from at work which sometimes annoys me for some reason. How do I get over this crush without having to resign? Or should I resign and shoot my shot?
Dear Sam, I have been seeing a guy for a total of 10 plus years we lost touch and decided to give it a try again so here are my issues , if he stays at my home for a few nights a week , he won’t take a shower but instead wash up in the sink because he says you get the same results. I have a home church and I am very active in the church he doesn’t belong to one , he complains when I have to go to church or volunteer , so I invite him to come along he always has an excuse , he has taken me to his house for a few times , but each time we go he seems to take a different route so I won’t remember how to get there , I have asked him to send me the address so I can stop by while I am out , well first of all he won’t send it , and next he will say he won’t be home and lastly he will say since I have obligations (child) at home I don’t need to know his address because he always has to come to me anyway if we are going to spend time together, he is a diabetic so our sex life isn’t all of that because the medication he is on causes him to have {erd}, next since his younger years he use to date older women so he has gone to a lot of places that I haven’t gone to , so when I ask him to go with me he will say he don’t have an interest because he do it already. I am sure it’s more things to list , I tell him that we aren’t equally yolked because it’s not like I need him financially or anything, I love him but after all of the above items ,I don’t think I am in love with him and it’s about wasting time , since life is so short and we don’t get to pick how long we are going to live .Any advice on this dilemma.
Dear Sam, I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He has always been great, not really a jealous person, other than about my cousin. I wasn’t raised with my cousin, I met him for the first time when we were 21, and at the time I didn’t know he was my cousin, we met at a club and we ended up kissing ONCE over 4-5 years ago, but nothing sexually happened, I found out he was my cousin when we linked up a week later, nor have we even mentioned it. He moved away, and he has become one of my best friends, he is always there for me and is just such an important person in my life. At no point has he tried to do anything remotely inappropriate to me. My boyfriend read thru our messages and saw that he called me sweetie and just went crazy, and said he needed a break. After 2 days he told me he can’t really see us together if my cousin is at all involved in my life. I at first agreed, but now I just keep thinking about how I’m unsure if I want to give up my cousin for him. I do see a future with my boyfriend, we have talked about marriage and buying a house and kids, and only now has there ever been a problem. I’m wondering whether or not I’m doing the right thing?
Dear Sam, My husband and I have been married for 6 years out of those 6 years he has never had a password on his phone there has never been an issue with me going through it no trust issues nothing however I have always had a passcode because the kids share with me. (He's always had access if needed) so he went to the store and left his phone on the couch I pick it up and this is how I discovered that his phone is now locked. I want to address the issue but i dont want to look insecure or like im accusing him of something. How would you approach this issue?
Dear Sam, Hey, really lost. I have been dating” this man for years! I have seen him twice since meeting. He’s a wonderful guy but literally lacks communication skills and he has so much going on in his personal life. In my heart of hearts I don’t believe he is cheating. My issue is though that I am missing that physical connection one gets with their partner. I am missing being around him and just in his company. He keeps saying soon, soon, soon and when it happens it will be worth it but I feel like I am cheating myself out of livings my life waiting on him. What can I do to ease this feeling or do I just live and see if maybe God brings us back? Please Help!
Dear Sam, A good male friend and I were at a party of a mutual friends. My male friend got drunk and I ended up giving him a ride home. Well that's when decided to profess his romantic feelings to me. The problem is I don't like him like that plus I have a man that is coincidently his friend. I just wrote it off as a drunken moment but a week later he brought it up again. I told him i didn't like him like that. Should I tell my boyfriend?
Dear Sam, I recently found out that my husband has been having phone conversations with another woman, that I have never met. Well at least before I found out they had been talking. According to both of them (yes I called her), they met at a local spot, enjoyed each others conversations as friends. Now their conversations has gone from the spot to the phone and text. They claim they just enjoy each others conversation and they can talk to each other about things they can't to others about. In his case me, she on the other hand is single and claims he also gives her relationship advice. Where I come from if your husband has a female friend that you don't know he's cheating but these two say they are not. Am I wrong? Is my husband cheating? Who does that?? Please help!!
Dear Sam, Even though I met my now boyfriend years ago, (our teenage daughters are BFF's), we never really interacted until about eight months ago and we’ve been dating ever since. He’s been single for almost two years and has four children from two different women. His most recent ex, whom he has a 3-year-old with, does not want me around his daughter yet. This is understandable, but I am currently living with him so it’s difficult to avoid his daughter. He does not agree with his ex about keeping me away from their child, but he’s scared of her psychotic eruptions and goes along with it. I have met the rest of his family and have been around his other children numorous times and I am really close with his daughter who is best friends with my daughter. I have even met the daughter I’m not allowed to be around months ago without his ex knowing. About a week ago, out of the blue, Brian suddenly changed his attitude toward me. He is no longer affectionate and stopped telling his ex that she and I need to meet so I can be allowed around their daughter. When I asked what was going on, he just said we were moving too fast and he wanted to slow things down. I assumed this was a breakup speech, but he insisted it wasn’t. It seems like he is not working too hard to keep me around. I know he is not cheating on me and I know how much he hates his ex, so there is no problem there. Could he possibly be letting me go to avoid drama with his ex? Should I pack up my bags and move on?
Dear Sam, I saw my sisters husband in traffic with a woman. I honked my horn and they looked over at me, he pulled off. About 15 mins later he called me and said was that you I just saw? I let him know it was and asked who that woman was he said it was a coworker he was giving a ride. I asked if my sister knew he said yes. I don't believe him at all. It is starting to bother me. I want to say something to my sister but I don't want to get in her business and I'm sure he told her it was his coworker already. If it were you would you mention it? I want her to pay attention to the signs of him cheating if he is. Would you tell?
Dear Sam, My brother fellnon hard times so he is staying with my mother, he also has a pregnant girlfriend who is staying as well. My mother and I talk about pretty much everything . She was telling me how my brother treats her and how he talks down to her, she said he is always cussing at her and making her feel low. My mom wants me to talk to her because we are closer in age and it won't feel like an adult telling her what to do or making her feel stupid. My mom keeps telling my brother about his behavior but he obviously isn't listening. I am so torn I want to help my mother but I don't want to be involved because once they are back on good terms she will tell him what was said, then that is another conflict between my brother and I. What should I do ?
Dear Sam I ran into this guy at the grocery store he sparked up a conversation and he asked me to dinner. I accepted. We hung out several times over the last 7 months. He has been to my home I have never been to his so I asked why. He explained that he has a roommate and I left it at that. 2 days later I get a knock at my door and it is a woman saying she is pregnant by this guy and she wants the relationship to work but he is dealing with me. I told him what happened he said it is his ex and he wants to be with me also it is not his baby. I really want this relationship to work but I feel like it is too early for the drama. I am on the fence. Would you stay and work it out or let the situation go and move on?
Reality Hour #samsylk
Dear Sam, I recently went through a bad break up. We were together 4 years. It ended so badly I ended up moving back to my home state. Before I moved back to my hometown, I had left the home we were staying and moved about 3 hours from where we lived together. I stayed there for a about three months before I moved back to my hometown. While I was still in the same state as my ex, I could not get in contact with him, he blocked my number than changed his number. I was so broken he was my best friend. Once I got back to my hometown, I wasn’t there two full days when I started to receive blocked calls on my phone. No messages just blocked calls. I downloaded an app that uncovers blocked calls. I see the area code and I know it’s him, so the next time the phone rings blocked, I answer, it’s him. The first few calls were just him showing concern for my dad. ( my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer) By the end of the week, I was asking why did our relationship have to come to an end the way it did. He dodged the questions. Would change the subject asking questions about what’s going on here and what I am doing here, blah blah. Within two weeks, we were back talking like best friends. All day and night, falling asleep on the phone. I’d hang up he’d call back and be like… “goodnight, I miss you, this shit is lonely”. Now that I’ve been here 3 months. He’s trying to make arrangements to come visit and wanting me to make arrangements to come to him on weekends. I haven’t agreed to go to him but I am not against him coming to see me. YES, I do want my relationship back. He keeps saying that we never know what will happen in the future. My adult daughters are telling me to move on “I dont want to.” I have not asked him what he wanted to do, I am really afraid to hear, no. I am confused though. Like why? Why did it take me to leave the state for him to reach out? And now that I’m gone… why act like we are still together, just in two different states. He drives trucks for a living so we are literally on the phone from the time we wake up till we go to sleep. I feel like he is trying to stop me from seeing anyone here. And when I don’t answer the phone he blows it up, leaves voicemail saying things like.. I know you living your best life without me, someone must have you bent over right now. HUH? You didn’t want to be with me though, because your sisters and aunts didn’t like me and my mouth was too much for him. (He doesn’t like to be held accountable) Yesterday, I just didn’t answer the phone, at all, all day. I finally answered at 2am. The first thing he said was… I was so worried about you? Everything alright? How’s your dad? He ok right? I said everything is good here. He replies.. ok, well have a good night I’ll talk to you later. I’m just so confused. We had an argument a week ago. He said something like, we ain’t together, you there and I’m here. So I said just stop calling me. I don’t need to tak to you I need to get over you. He calls every single day all day every day. What does he want? Should I just ask if he wants me to move back? Or just leave things the way they are?