Wisdom of the Wounded: Recent Episodes
Wisdom of the Wounded
Caregiver support, sharing information and help when caring for someone suffering a life crisis - grief, illness, loss, relationship, death, old age, etc.
Just Help is the title of a children’s book written by one of our Supreme Court justices, Sonia Sotomayor. Although it’s a kid’s book, its message is for all ages. As we approach a new year, Just Help’s message challenges us all to daily find ways to answer the central question of the book: “What will you do today to make the world a better place?”
When she was a girl, each day when Sonia woke up, her mother asked her a question, “How will you help today to make the world a better place?” Then each morning, Sonia set about to have a good answer to her mother’s question. Via charming pictures and text, Sonia and her friends discover ways to make their neighborhood, city and the wider world a better place.
Building a better world is a big project, one that takes a lot of work, and is not always easy, but it begins with a simple question: “How will I help today?”
Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor, of the US Supreme Court
Justice Sotomayor challenges us: What will you do today to make the world a better place? What a great question to ask ourselves each day of the new year. Each of us has the power to make a positive difference in our city, community and the world. Use your power. Here are just a few ideas to start your quest for making our world a happier, healthier, and more peaceful world for all people:
• Make cookies for a new neighbor or for a lonely person
• Write a note or make a phone call to connect with someone who is going through a difficult time
• Offer to run errands for a person who cannot get out
• Shovel someone’s sidewalk or driveway.
• Work in the coffee or gift shops at your local hospital
• Read to children at a preschool
• Decorate lunch bags for organizations such as Kids’ Food Basket
How will you help today to make the world a better place?
The post Just Help appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Who can resist freshly baked homemade chocolate chip cookies (or any kind of cookie, for that matter?) How do you like to eat your chocolate chip cookies . . . Warm? With a glass of cold milk? With a cup of coffee?
But guess what? You could enjoy those cookies even more if you share some of them with another person. Maybe a friend who is going through a rough time.
Consider also giving the person frozen cookies; for, as one mother said, “If you bring cookies frozen then I can have the delight of sending fresh goodies in my children’s lunch boxes or surprise them with a special after school snack.”
Invite your children to help in the cookie making project. Maybe they would like to decorate a box or a bag in which the cookies can be given to the friend. Also suggest that they design a “Get Well” card or “Thinking of You” card to accompany the gift of cookies.
If the cookies are for a child, you might like to include the book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.
Here is my favorite Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe:
Ingredients:
1 C. Oil
1 C. Butter
1 C. White Sugar
1 C. Brown Sugar
1 tsp. Salt
1 Egg
1 Tbsp. Milk
1 tsp. Vanilla
4 C. Flour
1 tsp. Cream of Tartar
1 tsp. Baking Soda
1-1 ½ C. Chocolate Chips
½ C. chopped nuts (optional)
Beat the first 8 ingredients for two minutes. Add flour, cream of tartar and soda. Beat for two minutes. Add chocolate chips and nuts (optional). Bake at 350 degrees for 9-10 minutes on an ungreased baking sheet.
Recipe by: Pat Barrett
Updated: 2024
The post Who Can Resist a Chocolate Chip Cookie? appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Did you know that a person needs at least four hugs a day for healthy survival? Virginia Satir was a pioneering family therapist who is credited with the following quote: “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”
Sometimes we forget the value of human touch.
On the way home from a conference, Don Piper’s car was crushed by a semi that crossed into his lane. After 34 surgeries and one year in the hospital Don finally came home. Don says, “When my eight year old son came home from school, without saying a word, Chris would walk over and lay his head on my chest. I don’t know how long his head lay there, probably not more than a full minute. He never said a word. He didn’t need to. That simple gesture was enough. I felt so loved by my son. He expressed his grief in the only way he knew how.”
The power of the human touch is vital. Several sources suggest that most people benefit from a hug. Hugs can help people fight off infections, ease depression and reduce blood pressure. Start by hugging your children and your spouse. What a difference you will make in their lives.
Never forget the value of human touch. Who needs a hug from you today?
Updated 2024
The post 4 Hugs a Day appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Which day of the week is the loneliest day for widows and widowers?
Here is what a few grieving spouses have shared with me about feeling lonely.
Glenda’s husband was killed in a private plane crash, and she says, “I was completely devastated. It took about fifteen months before I was able to function in a fairly normal capacity without breaking into tears.”
“There was a significant letdown after the funeral when friends return to the living of their own lives,” Glenda continues. In addition to those “special” days like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, widowed persons say that Sunday is the loneliest day of the week. Therefore, Glenda suggests, “offer to meet the person at church. (I did not want to sit alone and needed incentive to go since I was angry at God).” Also, knowing how lonely Sundays can be, she encourages friends to invite the alone person to Sunday Brunch.
Another widower shared, “Invite the grieving person to attend church with you, and offer to pick him or her up since this encourages him or her to keep the date.”
And here’s a suggestion from me: if you notice a person sitting alone in church, join them. They won’t feel so alone and lonely. This is true for everyone, not just widows and widowers.
God Bless.
Updated 2024
The post The Loneliest Day of the Week appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Rabbi Hirshel Jaffe, known as “The Running Rabbi” says, “For over 20 years as a rabbi, before my illness, I had helped others through crisis. I was supposed to have all the answers. Yet when I got sick, I discovered I didn’t have them. I felt confused, frightened and desperate. My experience with serious illness has made me want to share with you what I’ve learned.
When my physicians noticed how depressed I was in the hospital, they said, ‘Be a rabbi—go and counsel other patients.’ I did, and my energy and zest for life came back.”
The following are some comments on the value of volunteering:
Volunteering increases self-confidence. Volunteering can provide a healthy boost to your self-confidence, self-esteem, and life satisfaction. You are doing good for others and the community, which provides a natural sense of accomplishment. Your role as a volunteer can also give you a sense of pride and identity. And the better you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to have a positive view of your life and future goals.
Volunteering combats depression. Reducing the risk of depression is another important benefit of volunteering. A key risk factor for depression is social isolation. Volunteering keeps you in regular contact with others and helps you develop a solid support system, which in turn protects you against stress and depression when you’re going through challenging times.
Volunteering helps you stay physically healthy. Volunteering is good for your health at any age, but it’s especially beneficial in older adults. Studies have found that those who volunteer have a lower mortality rate than those who do not, even when considering factors like the health of the participants. Volunteering has also been shown to lessen symptoms of chronic pain or heart disease.
Help yourself by helping others.
Need ideas to get started? Download our free e-book, 122+ Ways to Care Well, filled with simple ways to care for the people in your life.
Updated 2024
The post Volunteering: Help Yourself by Helping Others appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When Ginger and I collected wisdom stories for our first book, The Compassionate Congregation, we asked individuals to (1) Describe a time when they suffered or grieved, and (2) What did people say or do which helped you during that difficult time?
During our interviews, man in his forties man told me, “A really difficult time was when my dad died. At the visitation and funeral, lots of people hugged and talked to my mom, and I just stood by myself feeling sad and lonely. During that horrible time, my mom received lots of cards, flowers, and visits; however, only one person reached out to me with a little note.” Then he took out his billfold and unfolded a small piece of weathered paper which said: “I am so sorry about your dad’s death. You must be so sad. Thinking of you.”
My interview subject paused briefly, then he continued, “That was 30 years ago, and I kept this note to remind myself that children grieve too.” 30 years! Just imagine—a friend invests perhaps two minutes to jot down a note of condolence—and those words of comfort end up traveling for years with the bereaved.
Jeff Munroe, author of Telling Stories in the Dark, Finding Healing and Hope in Sharing our Sadness, Grief, Trauma, and Pain, reiterates this man’s message. Jeff writes, “One of the most important things people who want to help a friend after the loss of a spouse can do is reach out to their friend’s children. Ask how they’re doing. Be their friend. The lack of that adds to the grief.”
So, if you know a young person whose recently suffered a loss, please consider reaching out to them. You could write them a note using my “3 R-s” note-writing formula. Like the 40-year-old man from our interviews, the youngster will certainly remember the kindness, perhaps for decades to come.
The post A 30-Year-Old Note appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
My neighbor Debbie was ill, and I wanted to care for her, but I didn’t know what to do. It would be so helpful if individuals would just tell me how to help them. But that isn’t always practical, because when someone is ill, it can be difficult for them to make decisions. What should I do when I don’t know how to help?
Here’s how I solved the problem: by sending Debbie a “Multiple Choice Caregiving Email.” In this email I wrote:
Debbie, I am so sorry to hear that you are ill. I would really like to do something for you. Today and tomorrow, I have extra time. May I do any of the following for you? (Check your choices.)
___ do some errands today or tomorrow
___ bring you some cider and donuts
___ grocery shop
___ bring you and Jim soup and salad from Panera Bread (indicate your choice of soup and salad.)
___ bring you a blueberry smoothie
___ bring you homemade chocolate chip cookies or ice cream (indicate your favorite flavor).
___ bring you some Sloppy Joes and buns. (I have some already made in the freezer.)
___ or bring you whatever sounds good to you.
Surely, you can find something in this list which sounds good?
Caring,
Karen
Within minutes, Debbie emailed me with her response: “Karen, what a list! You are so sweet with all your suggestions and so many good ones! What I would like is for you to share some of your favorite books–ones that have impacted your life.” Immediately, I delivered three of my favorite books and some clementines to Debbie.
What’s so wonderful about this form of caregiving is you can modify the list to fit your friend’s particular situation. For example, if your friend has children, you can offer to pick them up from or drop them off at their after-school activities. Multiple Choice Caregiving answers that reoccurring question, “What can I do to help someone who is suffering?” Try it.
Post updated 2024
The post Multiple Choice Caregiving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
What can a porcupine teach us about caregiving?
In Martin Bell’s book, The Way of the Wolf, he tells the story about a porcupine who was a misfit in society and had no friends:
One day, the porcupine stumbled upon a raccoon who had been shot and was near death. The porcupine remained with the raccoon and heard his sad story. Then both fell silent. After a while the raccoon asked, “Are you still there?”
“Yes,” replied the porcupine, “I’m still here. I was just wondering what to do now.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do anything!” said the dying raccoon. “Honestly, I mean that. Just stay with me for a little while. Just be here. Don’t go away please, I’m afraid. You won’t go away, will you?”
Please believe that 90% of helping is just showing up. . . .just be there!
Dr. Jim Kok, a caregiving pastor based in California says, “Jesus died for us. We die for others when we vacate our comfort zones, the places where we are in control and stand closer to the heartbroken. We may feel helpless, weak and tongue-tied, but we will know that we are partners in doing the right thing. Just be there.”
Updated 2023
The post A Porcupine’s Lesson in Caregiving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Did you know that crying is great for you? Well, I didn’t know that either, but at a caregiving workshop, a nurse told us, “Tears are good for your health.” So, I went home, and I looked it up on Google and found more than 13 reasons that it’s okay to have a good cry. […]
The post Tears are Good for the Suffering and Caregivers Too appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Dr. Rachel Remen, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom, wrote, “When people are talking . . . listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Don’t interrupt.”
I clearly remember a situation when I was sharing my distress over my mother’s stroke with a friend. My friend asked, “How are you doing?” And I started to tell her how I was feeling, and she interrupted me and said, “Oh, I understand, my mother had a stroke a few years ago” and then she proceeded to tell me about when her mother had a stroke.
When people say, “I understand” in situations like this, it brings the sharing of feelings and thoughts to a halt. And then if the person goes on and tells their own story, they’ve changed the focus from the suffering person to themselves and it leaves the suffering one feeling unheard.
So instead of saying “I understand” to show that you are listening, imagine, for a minute, if it had been your loved one who had a stroke. Would be some of your feelings and thoughts be? And then you could say to the suffering person something like, “Oh this has to be really hard for you. I really care about you. If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” And then be quiet. And don’t interrupt and listen.
Dr. Remen goes on to write, “When we listen, people know we care. Many people with cancer talk about the relief of having someone just listen. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”
Who will you share a loving silence with today?
The post When to Avoid Saying “I Understand” appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
A note from Karen: I read this story in Chicken Soup for the Soul. Further research indicated that this story originally appeared in The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley. It is a wonderful story about how each of us can make a difference.
Starfish StoryA friend of ours was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up, and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things into the ocean.
As our friend approach even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach, and, one at a time, he was throwing them into the water.
Our friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said, “Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you are doing.”
“I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it’s low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don’t throw them back into the ocean they’ll die.”
“I understand,” our friend replied, “but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can’t possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many, and don’t you realize it is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down the coast? Can’t you see that you can’t possibly make a difference?”
The local native smiled, bent down, and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “Made a difference to that one!”
Friends, this is Karen. Let us remember that each of us has the power to make a difference one person at a time.
Post updated 2023
The post We Can All Make a Difference appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
A note to readers: when we reach out to care for someone who is suffering, conversations may turn to God. Perhaps you will find wisdom in the following words. May it help you care for others.
Confused. Wondering. Questioning: Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? How can God be an all-loving God and allow horrific things to happen to individuals and whole groups of people?
Even after eight decades of being a Christian, I still have questions, but in 1984 I was given a helpful faith-building gift. The occasion was the funeral of my mother-in-law, Clara Mulder. Her memorial card contained the following poem:
God’s Promises
By Annie Johnson Flint
God hath not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our life through;
God hath not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow
Peace without pain.
But God hath promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labor,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy
Undying love.
That poem answered some of my questions. God doesn’t promise that He will zap our sorrow, pain, disappointment, anguish, or disillusionment. (Remember David, who was appointed King of Israel, but waited for fourteen years before he was crowned, and during those fourteen years he was threatened often with death and wandered as a fugitive in the wilderness for 14 years! We are also told, “That it rains on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45)
It is good and helpful to remember what God does promise: “I will be with you.” “I will give you strength for the day.” “I will show you how to rest, to have peace.” “I will help you.” “I will show you the next step.” “I will be with you always.” “I love you.”
Ask for these promises, and I believe and know from my experiences that God keeps God’s promises.
Updated 2023
The post God’s Promises appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
“Encourage one another daily.” (Hebrews 3:13.)
When did you last encourage someone? Here’s a story for inspiration. One summer day my sister and I were walking down the beach in Florida when we noticed at a distance a group of people standing in two lines facing each other. We wondered what they were doing.
When we joined them we saw an amazing sight: in the aisle between the rows of spectators were two newly born loggerhead sea turtles making their long trip from the birthing nest to the ocean. Oh, my! They were so cute! They looked just like their larger, 250-pound parents, but they were only the size of a silver dollar. They worked so hard to get over the piles of seaweed and move up and down the “canyons” made by human footprints.
And all the while, people of all ages were encouraging these little turtles. They said things like, “You can do it!”, “Keep going, you’re almost there”, “You’re so cute and amazing”, “Whoops, that was a big climb, but you made it!”
We cheered these little guys on until they finally reached their destination. The whole trip took probably 45 minutes, but none of us moved, we were so focused. And a great cheer went up when they finally splashed into the water.
This experience made me think. I couldn’t help but wonder: could we transfer that kind of care, attention, and energy to encourage someone who’s disheartened and struggling? Who can you encourage today?
Post updated in 2023
The post Encourage One Another appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
I have the following poem by Henry Van Dyke on my refrigerator to remind me each day during Advent to get ready for the Christmas celebration. Are you willing— to stoop down and consider the needs and desiresof little children;to remember the weakness and loneliness of peoplewho are growing old; to stop asking how much […]
The post Are You Ready for Christmas? appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
We have a saying in our ministry: “Small acts of kindness can make a big difference.” This is a perfect time to reflect on that saying because November 13 is World Kindness Day. The next two months will be full of holiday celebrations, which can create a hectic feeling and make us believe we “don’t […]
The post Let’s Make Every Day World Kindness Day appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
So far as we know, Jesus’ brothers and sisters were not present at the crucifixion. With one exception, his disciples were no-shows. The people whose sight Jesus had restored, whose bodies he had healed, they weren’t present. But when Jesus looked down from the cross, through a haze of pain, he saw that his mother […]
The post Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Someone once told me, “If you are with a person who is crying, do not hand them a Kleenex.” Surprised, I questioned why? He said, “because that signals to them that you want them to stop crying.” Really? Please listen to this: If your friend (or loved one) is crying and their eyes and nose […]
The post Kleenex and a Hug, Please appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
I lied to my daughter. She asked me, while we were standing on the shoreline of the ocean, “What if I get stung by a Man o’ War?” To which I quickly replied, “You won’t”. I wanted her to be brave. I didn’t want her to be afraid or scared of the ocean like I […]
The post Kids Can Handle the Truth appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Larry and I recently celebrated our 57th wedding anniversary. As we sat having breakfast over-looking a beautiful blue ocean with clear blue skies up above, I asked Larry: “What one factor has contributed to our long-term relationship of 57 years?” He immediately said, “Forbearance.” I was a little shocked. I expected him to say; “We […]
The post I Have Been Married for 57 Years, But . . . appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By: Colleen Arnold, MD Pain is a universal experience. Whether it is the temporary hurt of a broken ankle or something more permanent like arthritis, every single human being suffers it at some point in their lives. There is no such thing as a pain-free life this side of heaven. It can be physical, mental, […]
The post When Someone You Love is in Pain appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
God tells us, “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man (or woman), and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:32 Maybe I like this strong directive from God because at this point in my life I am a “gray head.” (More like “white […]
The post Stand up Before the Gray Head appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Jesus tells us, “Love your neighbor,” and he does not add, “when you feel like it.” Deanna Thompson is Professor of Religion at Hamline University in St. Paul, Minnesota and has written a book about her journey with Stage IV breast cancer. The title of her book is Hoping for More: Having Cancer, Talking Faith, […]
The post Be There Even When You Don’t Want To appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When I visited with my mother in the nursing home I always enjoyed talking with a woman named Susan, who, despite significant physical challenges, always seemed to choose the positive in any given situation. During our meaningful chats, Susan shared wisdom gained from living with limited physical mobility and using a wheelchair. She has the […]
The post 3 Ways to Respect Those in a Nursing Home appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
God’s best relationship advice is “Love One Another.” To the point and simple, right? I’m not proud to admit it, but sometimes that advice is difficult for me to follow. When I don’t know how to handle a situation, I tend to avoid it. So when I’m called to “love” another who looks different (maybe […]
The post God’s Best Relationship Advice appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Cole Arthur Riley, author of Black Liturgies writes, “We were made for beauty and truth and goodness.” During Lent, Christians reflect on the truths of our lives and our world. During these 40 days, I personally acknowledge how I have ignored, hurt, and, at times, rejected God, others, and myself. Then, with Easter comes the […]
The post The Everyday Good News of Easter appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By Chris Marlink Our family was having a rough day. As we sat down to dinner, it was clear that an accumulation of slights, grievances, and careless words left us feeling wounded and angry. When asked what had happened during the day, our children immediately began to prosecute their cases against one another; everyone was deemed […]
The post Becoming a Family that Practices Honor appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By Cheryl Edwards-Cannon My mother lived with dementia for more than 15 years. For as long as she was able, I made every effort to take her along with me whenever I did my errands. It was good for her and I truly enjoyed her company. That’s not to say that going out was easy. […]
The post Sanity Tips for Taking a Loved One with Dementia on an Outing appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
I am a hugger. When the COVID-19 pandemic was in full swing, I missed hugging my grandkids. We know that when seniors and kids connect everyone benefits, so Larry and I got creative with our (safe) socializing. The ideas we came up with like visiting our great-granddaughters with silly signs were necessary during the pandemic, […]
The post When Seniors and Kids Connect Everyone Benefits appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By Sarah My relationship with my grandmother is difficult. While I was growing up, we fought over boundaries and ideas, because we have very differing opinions on the ways of the world. I would frequently get lectured for the simplest offense. It was like she was talking AT me, not conversing with me. She seemed […]
The post Listening to Differing Opinions appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By Lindsay Cherry The year I was in third grade, we were taught to write in cursive. To my young mind, cursive writing was “fancy.” I couldn’t wait to learn to make the fun swoops and dips with my pencil, concentrating, brow furrowed, to get my penmanship “just so.” Little did I know that the […]
The post A Name on a Chalkboard Changed My Life appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Today I am grumpy. Really grumpy . . . because my list of “I can’ts” seems impossibly long: I can’t walk because my hip hurts, the COVID pandemic has grounded me, I can’t worship with my church family and I can’t lose weight, just to name of few. So today I am grumpy. I was […]
The post I Am Grumpy! appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Did you know that going on a hike with kids is good not only for their physical health, but their emotional well-being too? Larry and I have always been huge fans of hiking. Over the years, we have had opportunities to hike not only with our grandkids, but other young people as well. According to […]
The post Ask Youth to Take a Hike appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Did you know that 61% of Americans report that they are lonely? I recently read about a wonderful program by the AARP called “Friendly Voices.” Volunteers make phone calls to lonely individuals who have requested to hear from someone. In the first few months of the program, which was started during the COVID 19 pandemic […]
The post Be a Friendly Voice to the Lonely appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
by Lisa Braunius If you had told me when my husband and I decided to start a family that our journey would take place over six years, I would have laughed an uneasy laugh, leaning towards denial of the truth. Or, I would have questioned whether I wanted to move forward on this journey. As […]
The post Infertility is a Journey Not a Race appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When the presidential election returns are counted and a president is named, I wonder: how will people react? Some people will be happy; others will not. I am concerned that there will be more of what we’ve witnessed this year: chaos, destruction and division. I have worried. I have prayed. I have wondered what I, […]
The post My Post-Election Pledge – Will You Join Me? appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Are you having a bad day? Or perhaps even just a horrendous hour? Here are my favorite ways to release the feelings of being uptight when life gets me down. Any of these ideas are a good way to practice self-care. Name It. Just the simple act of naming your emotions can help ease fear and […]
The post Practicing Self-Care: 10 Tips for Dealing with a Bad Day appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By Carolyn Lowstuter When my husband was fired from his job, it through us both for a loop. Thankfully, that difficult time is long past. Here are ten things I learned about how to support your spouse after a layoff. Don’t read too much into emotions. They happen for a number of reasons. Recognize that […]
The post 10 Tips for Supporting Your Spouse After a Layoff appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
At the time that I write this, our country is experiencing especially large job losses due to the COVID 19 pandemic. But even after we rebound from this pandemic, there will always be the unfortunate situation of unemployment. How can we help an unemployed friend? Here are my ideas. Ask them how they are, then […]
The post Caring Gestures for an Unemployed Friend appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Job loss is painful. Research indicates that for many, losing a job may trigger an extended period of grief, similar to losing a loved one to death. With millions of people who are unemployed each year, each of us probably knows someone who is out of a job at the moment. What can we say? […]
The post What Should We Say to an Out-of-Work Friend? appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
My husband Larry and I have known Steve for over thirty years and every time I have seen him, he has a big radiant smile on his face. His words match his smile as he offers cheer to everyone. Sadly, during the past two years cancer has invaded his life. Yet Steve continues to offer […]
The post Let a Cancer Patient Speak Their Truth appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When I attended Western Theological Seminary, I was befriended by a man named Stan, one of my professors. As the years went by, Stan and his wife Nancy became friends. A year ago, Stan died after a battle with Parkinson’s disease. Shortly after the anniversary of Stan’s death, I saw Nancy. Her face was radiant […]
The post Light a Yahrzeit Candle on the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Death appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 Do not be anxious, Karen! That is easier said than done. I am anxious about many things. How does […]
The post The God Box appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
By Jennifer V. Miller I’m looking at a photo from my eldest child’s first day of kindergarten. In it, his big brown eyes shine with anticipation as he proudly climbs the steps of the school bus, ready to embark on an exciting adventure. That photo was taken many years ago, back when we parents knew […]
The post Going to Back to School During Uncertain Times appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
From time to time, I’ve felt called to write about racial injustice. For example, I’ve pondered my role as a bystander by not speaking up about racial injustice. The deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor have put the issue of racism in the United States front-and-center this summer. Racial injustice is so […]
The post One White Privileged Woman and One Small Step Forward appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When Lara Kallander’s daughter was a young teen, she became very sick and needed care for an extended period of time. Lara says, “It’s hard to feel that you are making progress when someone you love is sick because it may be two steps forward and then one step back.” To cope, Lara started making […]
The post Make a “Proud Of” List appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Do you have a nursing home in your community? Maybe someone who lives there is lonely. And you can help ease their loneliness! “Make someone happy, and you will be happy too!” is a line from an old song and it is so true. When we reach out and write to a lonely person, not […]
The post Write to a Lonely Person and Bring Joy appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Guest post by Jeff Mulder “Jump off the boat” is a phrase my wife and I use. It comes from the movie, Forrest Gump. There is a scene where Forrest is all alone and is driving his shrimp boat down the river. He sees his long-lost friend Lieutenant Dan on a dock, and without any […]
The post Jump Off the Boat appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
A few months after Jennifer’s dad died, her mother mentioned a very sad observation: nobody would mention his name in her mother’s presence. “I guess they don’t want to upset me” Jennifer’s mother said. “But I want people to talk about your dad. He was a wonderful man and I enjoy hearing people’s fond memories […]
The post Help Widows Keep Memories Alive appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
My friend Carole died on Good Friday during the COVID-19 pandemic. Because of social distancing requirements, I was not allowed to visit with her husband in person. We could not hug and share stories about Carole, which is what I would normally do for someone. So, I turned to “distance caregiving” for Carole’s grieving husband. […]
The post Distance Caregiving for The Grieving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Guest Post by Susan VandePol Their visits didn’t look at all like what I would have thought they should look like — if I had any time to think about it. “They” are the ones who came, the ones who showed up to care for us. And none of them really knew what to do. […]
The post Kazoos and Caregiving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When Pastor Gordon’s dad passed away a few years ago, he left memories of a conflicted relationship with his immediate family. When people offered their condolences to Pastor Gordon, he wasn’t sure how to respond. Pastor Gordon says he was grateful for people’s kindness when they said, “You must miss your dad.” But he didn’t […]
The post I Love My Dad and It is Difficult appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Easter will be different this year. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, Larry and I must stay home. My kids and grandkids have to stay inside their homes too. Bummer. I like my Easter traditions, and I can’t imagine not doing what we always do on Easter Sunday. Every year, we attend a Sunrise Service where […]
The post Easter Will Be Different This Year appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
I am not a teenager, but I am “grounded.” I am over 60 years of age and due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s advised that I stay home. As the founder of Wisdom of the Wounded, I am in the business of caring for others. I’m wondering: how can one reach out and care for […]
The post I Am Grounded appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
A note from Karen: Please enjoy this guest post from my niece Abbey, who is a hairdresser in North Carolina. I just love this story because it shows her hairdresser’s heart for caring. May her story encourage you to care for others with a simple kindness today. Guest Post by Abbey George Rich As a […]
The post A Hairdresser’s Heart for Caring appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Whenever my mother was anxious or angry or just feeling low, she would go outside and dig in the dirt. As she planted flowers or moved flowering shrubs, her spirits would slowly lift. Dirt and flowers were her therapy. Her favorite outdoor flower was pansies. To this day, when I see the sweet faces on […]
The post Digging in the Dirt is Good Therapy appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Losing a parent at any age is difficult, but it’s especially hard on children. It’s estimated that as many as 1.5 million children will lose one or both of their parents by the age of 15. And two of the most difficult days of the year for grieving kids are Mother’s and Father’s Day – […]
The post How to Help a Grieving Child on Mother’s or Father’s Day appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Do young children experience grief? Dr. Alan Wolfelt is a grief counselor who says, “Any child old enough to experience love is old enough to grieve.” Even though they will show their grief differently than adults do, very young children do feel loss. Here’s how you can help a young child grieve. Youngsters ages three […]
The post How to Help a Young Child Grieve appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
What can I do for my country? Maybe that is the question each of us should be asking ourselves instead of demanding that our country, our government, solve all of our problems. David Brooks asks, “What can you do in your communities to heal those who suffer from addiction, broken homes, trauma, prison and loss?” […]
The post What Can I Do for My Country? appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
When people are suffering, they don’t need someone to give them a pep talk, they need someone who will listen. Whitney Hawkins Goodman is a family therapist and she says that sometimes well-meaning people try to help a struggling friend with statements like, “try to look at the bright side” and “think positive!” Whitney calls […]
The post When Positive Thinking is Not So Positive appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
“I am losing my energy and I am so tired of this pain—so tired of searching for answers—I can’t stand to visit one more doctor and tell him about my fourteen-year battle with chronic pain. . .” As my friend talks about her feelings, what am I doing? Am I totally focused on what my […]
The post Wait Three Seconds appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
What is the most wonderful gift you can give a suffering person? You don’t have to go to the mall to buy it, you don’t have to wrap it, it’s free, and it is one of the most powerful ways to be God’s light to those who are struggling. What do you think that gift […]
The post A Wonderful Gift for a Suffering Friend appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Did you know that the word “comfort” is derived from a Greek word that means “to come alongside and encourage?” God says, “Go comfort my People” and asks us to walk alongside someone during their times of pain. But that’s not always easy, is it? Nicholas Walterstorff, a well-known theologian and author of Lament of […]
The post Encourage a Suffering Person to Share Their Feelings appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
My sister, Loretta, is one of my favorite people in the whole world; so I could hardly stand it when I received the news that her house had burned and was totally destroyed on the inside. I called her immediately and one of the first things I said was, “Just think Loretta, you will get […]
The post To Offer Comfort, Bury Your Quick Fixes appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
So many times, when someone comes to us and tells us about their pain, we aren’t sure how to respond. So we say the first thing that comes to mind, which often sounds like advice. For example, we might say, “What you need is some time away” or, “Have you considered reading the book______? It […]
The post When a Friend is Hurting, Offer Listening Not Advice appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
Are you comfortable praying aloud in public? If you are, good for you! I have a confession: praying aloud is uncomfortable for me. I just don’t know what to say. Yet I believe in the power of prayer, and we are told to “Pray for the sick.” (James 5:14.) So when I pray for someone […]
The post What to Say When You Are Uncomfortable Praying Aloud appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
How can you pray when you can’t find the words? Sometimes the news is so awful, that words escape us. Or the situation is so shocking that we are momentarily stunned into silence. But we want to help our suffering loved one or friend. Prayer connects us with God and empowers us to help others. […]
The post How to Pray When You Can’t Find the Words appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
My daughter-in law bought me a bouquet of flowers. Isn’t that nice?! But then she gave my flowers to another woman. Why did she do that? Here is the story: While at the grocery store my daughter-in-law Jeri saw pretty bouquets of flowers and decided to buy one for me. While Jeri was in the […]
The post On-the-Spot Caregiving appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.
The winter in Michigan this year has been harsh, with lots of snow and ice. On a particularly wintery day, my granddaughter Ashlee posted a photo on Facebook of her husband Nick clearing snow. Ashlee wrote, “That’s my man out there. He is clearing our driveway and sidewalks, and did our neighbor’s without hesitation.” She […]
The post Say “I Do!” Often appeared first on Wisdom of the Wounded.