Bellwether Hub with Jim Frawley: Recent Episodes
James Frawley - Bellwether
That feeling you’ve got? The one where you think it’s stress and frustration? I’ll re-frame it … for many, it’s fear and anxiety, otherwise known as vulnerability.
So many words, I know. But if you know me, you know I talk about the change thing constantly, and we have a slight luxury in the fact that we can recognize things are changing faster than we can keep up … so we are able to create a strategy to adapt.
But while creating our individual strategies, we also could use a little direction. We crave direction; there is comfort in someone telling us that things are going to be OK. Like JFK telling us we can get to the moon, we, as a society, need someone to help quell the anxiety, recognize our vulnerability, and charge us up to get to the next level.
And while there is no shortage of experts telling you HOW you are supposed to be (without context), there is a glaring gap in the category of “gurus we can trust.” Everyone seems to be selling this fix or that fix, or promote ideas that are self-serving to their ego. It’s rare to find someone who can balance the “what’s best for everyone” with their own self interest in an appropriate way.
It takes transparency, conscience, altruism, and trust. And while we develop ourselves and build – this trust difficult to come by.
Now, it’s easy to state that “other people should be shining examples for us.” We can’t dictate what public figures should be, while not expecting them to do it to us. However, these people exist already, and it’s up to us to find them. It’s our responsibility to filter the noise that coming to us as we create our strategies. We click the follow or unfollow button. And as we look to get our influence and developmental information, remember this: garbage in; garbage out.
So – this week, rethink the info you are getting; and if the people you follow are really worth following. There is are obligations that come with being a public figure; yet many seem to neglect or ignore this. Self-interest and promotion often conflict with what’s best for the audience.
SO – that’s the thought this week … good luck with it … and have a great time cutting back the follow list. 🙂
Your Title Goes HereYour content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
Click Here For An Unedited Transcript of the Podcast3,2, 1. Welcome to Bellwether episode 117. Where are all the trustworthy gurus, is the question we’re gonna ponder today. Um, as I think back to what we’ve been talking about this year, we’ve gotta find our identity, right? All this change, crazy stuff’s happening. Where is all the ambition? God, we don’t really have ambition because we don’t really know where we’re going, and there’s kind of this big murky whatever, uh, going on. Last week we talked about ai, the future of work, and all this kind of craziness that’s going on, and, and how do we respond?
0:36And one of the things I’ve been noodling over the past few years, this probably really came to a head in during the pandemic, um, is where are all the people we could trust? And who are the people that we could look up to? And someone asked me once, you know, who do you really look up to? And you know, obviously you’ve got your family and you’ve got your people close to you and everything, but who exists out there for us to say, that’s a person I wanna hitch my wagon to?
1:05And you’d be hard pressed, I think, to find one. Um, you know, when I think back to the pandemic and the absolute void of leadership everywhere, like it was absolute chaos. Nobody, everybody was an expert and everybody was wrong. And it was all like this kind of just mayhem. And what we needed was like this J f K type, we’re going to the moon, everybody, we could do this together. And it just did not exist.
1:28Um, we never got it. And it was just chaos. And eventually we rallied, we figured it out. Well, actually, we haven’t really figured it out. If you think about it now, I’ll take that back. But, you know, as we look around today with more of this uncertainty on the horizon, right? That was pure uncertainty. We didn’t know what was happening. We didn’t know, like if you think back to it, it was a crazy time.
1:47And now a couple years later we’re what, three years after, we still don’t really know what the hell’s going on. But you know, things have opened up and some people wear mask, some people don’t, whatever. And it’s like, figure it out. Um, but it was never like, it was like this divisive time and nobody really knows who to trust and everyone’s like on this side or that side. And it’s, um, and, and none of them are trustworthy, right?
2:09And, and, um, and I’ve, I’ve got theories as to why this is happening, which I’ll talk about today. Talk about how to find that guru that you can kind of hit your wagon to and just say, yeah, I trust. Maybe there’s multiple, maybe you find different ones. Um, you know, we look at this, I call it Instagram reality. Other people call it Instagram reality. Other people call it other things. This, everything’s about marketing yourself now.
2:31Um, it’s less about others, less about you. It’s all about your personal brand. Um, and what are people seeing? We gotta package things a certain way and it’s inauthentic and it’s got ulterior motives. And they’re, they’re only interested in sharing their philosophies and being right, uh, less on teaching the ability to think and helping you get to where you need to go. It’s always about them. And, um, very much, very little about the betterment of others.
2:54Cuz everybody’s an expert to tell you on what you need to do to be better for everybody else. But they don’t have the context on you. And it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work. And a, a true guru isn’t going to do that. A true guru, while they may have wisdom, they may have experience, they don’t always have to be right. And they’re not really telling you what to think. They’re telling you how to think about things so you can come to your own conclusion.
3:17And when so much change is happening and there is so much change happening, like fundamental crazy, like I’m shouting this from the rooftops and we know it, we’re just putting our head in the sand. We wanna ignore it, but we really can’t. We need someone to say, Hey, I got you back. Right? I get it. It’s all, you know, let’s, we could do this together and go team, go. And, um, I would say we all need a guru.
3:41I don’t know who that is. Uh, I would love to put my name in that hat, but you know what? I don’t think that people really wanna
4:06Um, there’s not a single one on the planet. And their whole gig, the whole idea of politics is to play one thing against another. And so there’s no real, um, authenticity when it comes to politics. And, and we can’t really trust our politicians and any of the talking heads on any of the news channels talking about politics, we can’t trust them cause they’re pushing agendas. Um, and uh, and we hear that across the board, right?
4:28The less news you pay attention to and the less news you tune into Fox News, cnn, msnbc, whatever it is, uh, the happier we all are. And so, um, where are these true voices of conscience, right? Not the people who are preaching from the bleach, blonde hair sitting on like a Fox News couch, or you know, the angry person screaming on msnbc. And we’ve got these two different sides. Where are these true voices of conscience to kind of do that?
4:51And do we have a desire to listen to them? I don’t know. Um, but let’s talk about gurus and what we mean by a guru, right? A guru’s got many different meanings. And here’s what I’m talking about when I talk about guru. Um, you know, a guru is a guide and people think about gurus in different ways. We think about, you know, you think about the old, you know, go to India and you find your guru sitting in a mountain and you know, meditating and, or you go to, you know, Thailand and, or these Buddhist temples or whatever it is.
5:18And we have to find this spiritual guide. And that’s not, I mean, yes, that exists, that’s fine. But we, we need gurus in different types of art. We need personal journey gurus. We need, um, I don’t know, career gurus, people, you know, we can think of them as mentors. We can think of them as these different types of things. And, um, we often misinterpret a guru as a teacher, uh, a person to tell you the way.
5:41And that’s not what it is. You know, my best teachers, when when we think about our best teachers going back, you know, my, I know my best teachers are the ones who helped me develop. They didn’t tell me what to do. They guided me so I could figure out the answer for myself. And that’s what we need as adults. This is a different, very different and difficult way to kind of change our mentalities.
6:06We have to figure things out for ourselves. We know this, but what does that really mean? And how does it manifest? And we’re responsible. We have kids in our care, we have bills to pay, we’ve got all of these types of things, these different types of responsibilities. So we, we don’t really think of ourselves as having this luxury of taking the time to figure it out. But we need someone to guide us through that way, okay?
6:27And if you heard my talk about, you know, finding coaches and, and all of that stuff, you, uh, you know, my philosophy on it, and there’s a lot that are just kind of selling snake oil. Um, but that’s, you know, we need these people to kind of help us articulate our thoughts so that we know what we want to believe. They’re not telling you what to believe, but they ask you the proper framework so you can articulate what you believe.
6:47And that’s, that’s ultimately what a guru is. And, and your belief system will inform how you respond to different levels of change. And your belief system will inform the decisions that you make. And your belief system is never right or wrong. It’s not a truth, it’s just what you choose to believe. And you need someone, we all need someone to help us articulate that and find that. And it could just be a friend.
7:12You don’t have to pay this person, right? When we find our gurus, right, these are the people who can really challenge us. They, they don’t just agree and tell us what we want to hear. They challenge us to articulate it for ourselves. And, and, you know, don’t make those simple assumptions because that’s, that’s step number one in, in dealing with this, is we, we have to shed our assumptions. So in dealing with all of this, this type, this type of change that’s happening.
7:35So, um, so that’s nice. So that’s what, when I think about, you know, there’s different types of gurus, spiritual, personal, career, business, everything. Um, let’s find the qualities that we want. Because as you’re thinking about, you know, if you were to pause and say, who, what gurus do I have in my life? Who do I follow? Like, and, and, you know, following this idea, following, and I go to social media a lot cause that’s where a lot of people get their information.
8:04We follow all these people and they talk in these little nuggets and it’s just garbage, right? So I almost think like, and I go through this and reevaluate, you know, I don’t want to follow this person. You’re not bringing value to me, and you cut these people out and, you know, maybe you only follow 15 freaking people, right? That’s okay, right? And, and these are the people that are going to make you better.
8:23Like, this is the, uh, when I start to kind of take control of my social media, I’m gonna really kind of pair back, you know, why am I following these people, right? You’ve got the funny people that you, you know, they make you feel good, whatever, they can distract you. But there’s another kind of subset of just saying, this is a person whose opinion I trust and whose opinion I value. And so how do you find those people?
8:43How do you find, you know, what qualities do they have? We have to find out the qualities they have, and then we have to talk about how to find them. Um, there are standard qualities that I would argue guru should possess. Authenticity. Um, they should be have integrity, they should have experience, whatever it is they’re talking about. Um, they should be altruistic in some form like this com commitment to helping others.
9:10Um, you know, there’s all types of different, you know, when we think about the person and what does integrity really mean, right? We have to define this. Integrity means different things to different people. There’s a scale of integrity, which sounds crazy, right? But doing the right thing, there’s a lot of gray matter. And so what does that mean? We have to define that for ourselves. And authenticity is, you could be an authentic person, but if nobody believes it, then you’re kind of up shit’s creek, right?
9:33It doesn’t really matter. So how do you find that authenticity that you connect with and um, a believability aspect, right? I’ve talked a lot on this podcast about believability, and are these people actually believable in what they do? And we had this unique time, um, where, you know, you used to get information, you used to read an article, you used to read a blog post, you used to do whatever, but you read it in your own voice and you read it in your own voice, and then you could determine whether or not you believed it or not.
9:59But now with video and, and, um, you know, the tos and the Instagrams and the YouTubes, and basically what I’m doing, the podcasts, people can say what they, they write down with a different level of conviction in their voice. We’re getting hit with different senses. So we may not fully get what they’re saying, but we believe it because there’s conviction and voice does not necessarily make them trustworthy, right? I could say things that I could completely make up, but if I say it in a convincing way, all of a sudden people have this, they believe it.
10:28And so we need to catch up in terms of this trustworthiness and, and belief in do you really believe the stuff that people are spitting out? And 90% of the time the answer is no for me. Where if I pause and I think, and I close my eyes and say, this person just said this. What’s the context that they’re trying to get? Like, this is just noise. This is ridiculous. Um, and so how do we filter through all of that noise in order to do that?
10:50So when we’re, when we’re looking for qualities, um, we have to do our research, right? It’s very surface level Instagram reality, right? That’s all marketing. And so where’s the substance? You know, what credentials do they have? Um, check their library. What’s the library? And are they saying the same thing over and over? Or is there kind of, you know, some flimsy evidence there going back and forth? And, um, you know, there’s some people who are just great at managing reputation, but there’s no substance behind it.
11:21And so where’s that substance and what is that substance? And I, you know, when I talk to clients about building, you know, whatever it is that they wanna be seen as, and, and doing this in terms of your business and everything else, is you have to create this library of what people could find when they look you up. And it takes work, but it’s a lot easier when you don’t have to do the work when you’re consistent with what you’re doing and you’re putting out this authentic message and, and everything.
11:43I’m terrible about the, the personal, um, putting out the positive notes and the good news I get and all of that stuff. The self-promotion, um, doesn’t really affect me as much. I get a lot of referrals, so that’s good. But, you know, the self-promotion aspect, we have to do this in a certain type, but there’s a balance between healthy self-promotion versus, um, I’m just an attention whore and, and follow me because I, I want the likes and, uh, I wanna monetize my follows.
12:08And that’s what a lot of people do. Um, so what we’re looking for is trust, right? This is a relationship when you’re looking for the quality of a guru, we’re looking for this believability, we’re looking for trust. Um, it’s a relationship. Even if you never meet this guru, but you are absorbing their information to help you navigate this change, to help you make your decisions, to help you formulate your belief system and what you think, um, think of this as a relationship, and they’re, they’re not just telling you what you want them to say and what you want to hear.
12:41They’re also challenging you in a different, what do you need to hear, right? What are the blunt things that need to kind of smack you across the face and say, Hey, guess what? You idiot. You’re not really doing what it is that, that you should be doing. Um, there’s like a transparency there and honesty, forthrightness, you know, all of this stuff. So we’ve got all the words. It’s not always cheery and happy and bullshit and you know, blah, blah, blah.
13:01Um, look how great my life is. And your, your life could be just as good too. Um, nonsense. That’s just, it’s just garbage. And so these are not the gurus we need and they’re, they’re not going to help you. And so let’s filter through them. So let’s find some warnings to, to cut those out. Um, there are red flags. Everybody wants to be a guru, okay? Everybody within Instagram channel wants to be a guru.
13:26Everyone wants to be an influencer, and everybody wants to be, you know, this, this, this, this, and this. They think that they’re going to get some value from it. They think that, um, they are going to be relevant. I don’t know what this desperate need for it is. I don’t understand it. Um, but everybody wants to be wanted, right? Myself included, of course, I want it. I just hate social media. Um, it doesn’t make my life better.
13:48So, but there are a lot of people out there who are, will jump into that role very, very quickly. But there are a lot of red flags in terms of should they actually be there. So, um, let’s talk about some of the red flags, like lack of transparency, this constant focus on money and buy my product and course, and yada yada, yada. Um, my favorite red flag, my favorite red flag. First off, full stop.
14:13If you’re checking someone out and they’ve got an Instagram feed or a TikTok thing, there’s a video of them crying, throw them in the garbage, just throw ’em in the garbage. Nobody, nobody on this planet, when they are authentically upset and crying stops to say, I gotta put this on Instagram. Okay? It’s inauthentic, it’s gone. I know, like that’s my real tangible kind of one. That’s my good filter where if there is a tear in there, whining to an audience is basically I’m intention, who I need, you know, attention and, uh, my life is so miserable, but it’s not.
14:47And, um, they’re doing it to, to click bait you. And, and they only really care about monetizing your follow. So that’s, that’s that. So outside of one, um, here’s what’s difficult in following a guru today. Um, one I already talked about the different ways that we’re ingesting information. We’re doing this in many different ways, and we hear voices now, and the voices and the conviction and the talking heads, and we inappropriately trust them.
15:19And that’s not, um, that’s not good. So that’s one red flag is, you know, how much conviction do they really have and is a believable two? Um, the money thing, everyone is selling something and it’s annoying as shit, okay, I don’t need your, um, 1999 course that will help me monetize 10 x a hundred x that normally sells for$2,500 and you’re giving me such a steal and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
15:50Someone is selling a course, it’s probably bs. Not always, not always. Sometimes it works and sometimes it’s good, right? But we’re talking like, let’s talk 80 20 rule, right? 80% of them are absolute garbage. The next 20%, some are good, less than 1% are worth the money, okay? So the first one you find is probably not worth the money. And so anybody pushing you to sell you something, buy this, buy that, buy that.
16:19Um, instant red flag for me. I turn them off. I can’t do that. Like that’s, and I get inundated and it’s probably because of the business I’m in. I get inundated with these, Hey, come do this and join this, and oh, let me give you this program to 10 x your coaching. And it’s all about monetizing people and not actually helping them. And uh, it’s, it’s the opposite. The antithesis of everything.
16:41I believe in business and it drives me bananas. And so I see it a lot more, probably the most of the people, but I feel it and it drives me there. So anybody’s selling you something is probably full of shit. Um, sorry, I was a little passionate there, but it’s true. Um, and that goes beyond, right? It comes in many different forms. Trying to push anything on you is probably garbage. Now look, we’ve got products, right?
17:06We all sell that. I sell coaching, I sell workshops, right? That’s fine. And there’s a style in which you do it, but I will not take a client unless they’re ready to take it, okay? I will not take a client unless we figure out success, give the money back if it’s not gonna be successful, right? There’s an authenticity there that, you know, a belief that it will work if it, if it’s not going to work.
17:28That’s on me to figure that out at the beginning, okay? With you in conjunction with you. So a push on money is a big red flag, and I unfollow, right? I don’t follow them, I don’t, I don’t do it. Um, lack of transparency. Uh, we live in this Twitter 150 character world, little under a minute, TikTok and Instagrams, and it’s tough to really give substance, but a lot of people love to float at that surface level and they have no substance behind it.
18:02Uh, I talk about marketing versus substance, right? And you may have heard me tell the story about how I bought the iPhone. I bought it twice. Uh, I bought into the marketing thing, never worked, trapped a hundred phone calls on two different networks, and everybody who believes an iPhone and everything else were like, oh no, it’s, you know, user error and everything. Nobody could figure it out. Apple couldn’t figure it out.
18:19Um, does not work. Android works. It’s not flashy, it’s not sexy, but it works for me Now, iPhones figured it out and everything. I mean, this was probably 15 years ago when it all came out, but, um, there was a marketing thing. Everybody bought into marketing, but it didn’t work. Or you don’t buy into the marketing the substance, right? There’s a story there, there’s a lesson there to do with it. What you will, it makes sense to me.
18:40Um, but when there’s no details, no this marketing sizzle and no substance, you can’t really find the substance. It’s all landing pages and sign up for this and let me sell you the dream without telling you how. Um, that’s a red flag, right? Unless someone’s got the, the, um, the people telling you that this was life changing and it’s not just their friends and their parents, you know, everything else, um, then it’s really not, you know, we don’t need this kind of ridiculous, you know, let me sell you the dream and it’s not gonna come.
19:09So lack of transparency is a red flag. Um, today more than ever, I would say the coaching world, and I’ll talk about it from the coaching world, but the, the world is full of very vulnerable people right now and everybody’s looking for a guru. And there are a lot of people, especially in the coaching world who will exploit it. Um, not all coaches, not all coaches, a lot of coaches are really, really good.
19:40A lot of people have this true desire to help people, okay? And they do really good work. But buyer beware, right? There is a whole industry on how to set up a side hustle coaching business to get people in charge a hundred bucks an hour and just turn, turn them through, turn them through, doesn’t help anybody, but it gets that person rich. Um, watch out for it, right? Buyer beware, just like anything else is we have to do the work.
20:05We don’t like to do the work. Um, but let’s kind of start cutting through the, the fat and, and rebuilding what it is that we’re looking for. So, um, this is important and it’s why I’m doing a podcast on it. I think, you know, as we’re looking for it, we need help. Um, we need to kind of reevaluate where we’re getting our information and, and who we could trust and, and who’s real.
20:30Um, and be open to finding out that that person’s not a person you could trust and changing your mentality, uh, and changing, uh, questioning the information you’re getting and the information that you’re doing. So, um, as we go through it, do a review. Some people are slick, they’ll kind of cut through your filter, but let’s, let’s kind of pair back the people we’re following, right? Cut the noise. We know it’s noise.
20:52It’s a good exercise to cut through your feeds, almost rebuild from the, from the start and just saying like, these are, maybe I’ll start with 15 people and see what they can gimme. People don’t need to post every day, right? Maybe they only post one that’s relevant. That’s good. Um, you don’t have time for the noise, you don’t have time for these people selling you, you don’t have time for the shit.
21:10Like all this noise that people are just creating and just putting out because they’re told to put out content, uh, they’re just creating noise, which is distracting you from getting something done. Okay? We don’t need that. We don’t need it in our lives, right? So it’s time to just start taking control of what we actually need in our lives and, and, uh, filtering that kind of information out. Uh, when you find the ones you trust, do the work to kind of do some background checks, right?
21:34Because these people are people that you wanna believe. Like if you were to pick these five people that you were like, these are the people that are gonna help me. These are gonna be my virtual, kind of my virtual board of directors that are gonna help me and, and advise me. And you know, you can always reach out to them and you could kind of just say, Hey, I saw this post and what do you think about this?
21:50And, um, you could engage them, right? Use your intuition, use your head, right? Your head works. And so find these people. Use it. Who do you follow? Why do the research online? Don’t just use the robot. Like use. We need people. And so it’s time for us to kind of do the work and filter the noise and ask questions and be curious and challenge people. For us to challenge the gurus, we have to challenge ourselves.
22:14And that’s it. It’s a journey, right? It’s all a journey. Life is good, life is great. We don’t have time for anything. Nobody’s got time for anything. Um, so why are we giving our time to these? You know, halfways,
22:44And so I’m happy to share some people that I trust and if there’s anything I can do to help you, please let me know. Good luck with it. And as always, I’m here to help. Have a great week. Thanks.
Ohhhhh the AI thing. It’s bananas. It’s crazy. It’s going to destroy humanity. And it’s so much fun.
Today’s podcast – how AI will affect the future of work. But not in a bloviating, imaginary way, which is how much of the AI discussion is happening (paired with doom and gloom of the end of the world). But more of a measured, tangible and smart way to approach it, from corporate leadership to the individual being affected.
It’s not hyperbolic to say that AI is similar to the rise of human life on earth. That sounds wild, but it’s also accurate. This is a pivotal point not just in the workplace, but in how society operates. It’s not going away. On board yet? Good. Let’s get to the bigger things.
Those bigger things include YOU. AI has been around for a while, behind a nice user experience model (thanks, Google!) that has allowed for some adoption. With the explosion of ChatGPT, many people are rushing to dictate and use some AI models to influence what they are looking for.
Initially, this will create a lot of noise in the marketplace (“Robot – write me a blog!”), but as we get past the newness of this, it will then influence workplaces in larger, more dynamic ways.
What’s important to note here, and this is the crux of the podcast, is that while AI will change everything about work, it’s up to us, as individuals, to control our positioning in this new world.
Yes, corporate leadership is looking at how to leverage AI (and they should). But you, as an individual, should be spending your time learning about it and using it, because without doing so, you will be left behind.
We all have a lot to learn … AI is no exception. Your future is dictated by choices today. More to come on AI, but here is a good start.
Your Title Goes HereYour content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
Click Here for an Unedited Transcript of the PodcastI’m Jim Frawley, and this is Bellwether. Welcome to Bellwether. Thank you for being here. Episode 116, 17, something like that. We’re talking about ai. If I had my robot working, I’d know what episode it was. Um,
0:53Uh, I speak a lot to clients about it. I speak a lot to non-clients and audiences about it, and it’s, um, it’s a very exciting time. This is great. Um, what I wanna cover today, I’m gonna give you just a brief overview to level set because there’s a lot of noise flying around in terms of what AI is and how it’s transforming and all of that good stuff. Let’s talk about how AI is affecting work today.
1:15Let’s talk about how it’s work affecting you and work tomorrow. And then we’re gonna wrap it up in a nice little bow and, and we’re gonna set you off on your way and it’s gonna be great cuz you’re gonna be ready to deal with it. Um, here’s, here’s just a level set on ai and what I think about ai. This is, I’ve heard it said this way before and I completely agree with it.
1:36It’s similar to the rise of human life on earth. And that’s not hyperbolic. Like this shit is legit and crazy and important and huge and it will not go away. And so we can’t really put our head in the sand. Can’t put your head in the sand. Silly ostrich. You have to embrace it. You have to adjust to it, and you have to get prepared for it. And right now it’s kind of irrelevant, right?
2:07It’s all just doing small tasks that it can do for you. Is, is the way most people have imagined it. Social media content and writing kids books and creating pictures and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And basically it’s just being used to create noise. That’s all it is. It’s just a lot of noise. We’re seeing all the social media content, apparently. It’s also writing Valentine’s Day cards. That’s great. We’re using it in these little things.
2:27Creating your meal plan and your workout plan and all this stuff. And there’s all kinds of things that you can do, uh, where it’s basically gonna compile information and it, and it’s great. Okay? That’s wonderful. Uh, but this will evolve and grow. And it’s starting to do that into ways that have much more meaning. And that’s what I wanna talk about today. I want to talk about that much more. Meaning let’s chat about you and let’s go.
2:53All right? Because this affects everybody and full stop. This affects everybody. Um, and so, so that’s it. So let’s talk about the current state, right? It’s creating noise. A lot of industries have already embraced ai. They’re doing work with it. It’s not, it’s been around for a lot of auto automation. Google’s been doing it. Think about your maps and all these types of things. The apps, it’s been around, it’s made life easier.
3:16The challenge AI has always had is we, I mean, this has been talked about for decades. The challenge has been human adoption and user experience was the big play for ai. And Google was very good about that. And they’ve done it. Apple’s very good about it. Um, but now it’s kind of evolved. Humans have caught up a little bit. And so now it’s, you know, the timing is ripe for this kind of thing.
3:42And, and ai, uh, OpenAI and chat, G p t and all that stuff is, you know, we feel like we’re ready to jump in. And this is kind of the new one, and it’s just the starting point, but it’s been around for, for a long time. So, um, and OpenAI has been around for a long time. They’ve done a lot of work too that, that you’re probably familiar with. So, um, a lot of misconceptions about ai.
4:03Um, but I think the reason we have so many misconceptions is because we don’t fully appreciate the scale of what’s possible with ai. Most of us are just kind of getting, catching up and getting up to it. The people who have been really knee deep and and arms deep in AI for the past, you know, bunch of years can talk about this scale. Will it destroy humanity? Some will say yes, I think probably not.
4:28We’re adaptable people or we’re at least 50 years out from that as it goes. Um,
4:57There’s the macro and the micro and we’re gonna talk about individuals and everything else. A lot of people are going to be left behind in this. And so I don’t want that to happen to you. I want you to be, uh, I want you to be there, but we are adaptable. Um, some people are not. And that’s a fact and that’s gonna be harsh. And there’s going to be a, um,uh, a feeling of, you know, we’re being left behind and we’re gonna fight it and we’re gonna stick to the old way.
5:20So if you’re thinking about the old way and how you want to clinging to it and do that, you’re probably gonna be one of those people who are gonna be left behind. And that’s a fact. And that adds more fear. And so that’s why we fight. And we say we don’t, don’t take this away from me and all of this. This is societal change problems that we’re gonna have to discuss and deal with, but we’re gonna keep it just to, you know, we’re gonna keep it to the workplace and, and talk about that.
5:41So what I would encourage you to do is embrace it, don’t fight it, um, and learn it and get really, really good with it. Because this is, this is the future of ai and it’s the future of work and it’s, it’s going to change everything. So let’s talk about benefits cuz we’re just ripping through this. This is, I’m gonna try and do this episode in less than 15 minutes, um, and tell you everything you need to know in 15 minutes.
6:07Um, potential benefits. Let’s talk about the benefits of ai. One, increased productivity and efficiency. That’s the easy play. That’s it. Um, this is a goldmine for businesses, goldmine for businesses. Um, however, at that same time, generally what’s a goldmine for a business is very uncomfortable for individuals. And that’s something we need to remember. So it will make you productive, it will make you more efficient and will do all of these types of things.
6:34But what does that mean for you, the individual? And we have to kind of figure that out. So businesses are going to invest heavily in AI because AI will supplement the 25% of workers they’re going to keep while they shed 75%. And the money is going to, you know, filter up the top. That’s what businesses do. We can resent it, we can hate it, we cannot like it, but that’s just a fact.
6:55And it’s the way the world goes and that’s the way life exists and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, um, companies are looking at how to utilize AI in different types of ways, and they are going to lay off people. People are expensive, they’re slow, they make mistakes. AI does not so well yet, you know,you know,you know where I’m going to. So, so that’s that. You’ll hear a line about how you’re gonna have increased job satisfaction with ai, um,
7:24You know what some people will, some people will, a lot of people won’t. And here’s why. Um, AI is going to eliminate all the mundane tasks that we have to do. Great. So let’s talk about job satisfaction and mundane. There is comfort in the mundane. There is comfort on the days that we wanna mail it in at work and we just kind of push papers and we just do whatever and we’re like, okay, and I did some work and whatever, I’m kind of mailing it in today and that’s it.
7:55Um, and so we like that. However, the question is, will that keep us up to pace with everybody else, right? So the, this is going to force us to kind of go, go, go, go, go. We’ll use AI to do this and we’re gonna create more. We’re gonna use AI to do this. We’re gonna create more, we’re gonna do more. We’re gonna do more. We’re gonna do more. And that’s exhausting. That’s exhausting.
8:17Um, if I go through one more, there’s a flower shop. I mean, I keep meaning to take a picture of, you know, work hard today. So tomorrow’s great and it’s kind of this go, go-go mentality, really driven by the coaching industry about this growth mindset. And we have to do more and we could do more today to fix tomorrow. And it is exhausting. Okay? So, um, we have comfort in the mundane that’s going to be eliminated because AI could do a force and it should, okay?
8:39But it’s not gonna mean that we could just sit around and do nothing. We’re going to replace it by creating more work based on this AI and do that. So, um, job satisfaction does not come from the mundane. We have to talk about that as well. So yes, AI will eliminate the mundane and increase job satisfaction. That actually means the same thing. Here’s what I mean by that. Job satisfaction comes from creating work.
9:05Job satisfaction comes from ownership of something that you wish to accomplish and seeing it come to fruition, that’s job satisfaction. If we eliminate the mundane tasks and just get assigned more of stuff we don’t really want to own, we don’t really want to do, that’s not really, AI’s not really going to help job satisfaction. So what we have to do is change our thinking and change our mindset, which we’ve talked about on this podcast before about creating work and creating ideas.
9:31And that is, you know, when we clear out the mundane, it’s actually a good thing, but we need to refill it with something that’s not bs. And that’s what we have to, that’s the human thing that we have to figure out for us. Each individual is what are we going to create and not just be a passive, all right, well this is done. What are you gonna give me to do now?
9:52And yes, boss, please give me more work. The, the days of being just a passive observer, endurer, I can’t say they’re over, but it’s not gonna be solved by ai because if you’re just gonna let it be replaced with more of this mundane and you know, just get assigned stuff and do stuff that you don’t actually want to do, then you’re just gonna be just as miserable as you are today. So that’s life.
10:16Welcome, welcome to it. Something I learned way too late and we’ll see more people take the risk of being entrepreneurs and all of this type of stuff. It’s very, very difficult to do, but we have to make this effort and see fruition. That’s purpose. That’s meaning, that’s exactly what, you know, everybody claims to want, but it takes work to get there and that’s not really what everybody wants to do. Um, so that’s that.
10:39So when we think about benefits of ai, increased productivity for the business, yes, painful for the individual, but what’s good for the individual is the elimination of mundane tasks. You’re gonna lose that comfort. But if you’re open to it, we have to create more work and do those like really human things to challenge it and make AI reach its full potential so that we could do those things together. Um, there will be new opportunities for work in AI for those in your fifties, you’re probably a little too late, let’s be honest.
11:08You’re not really going to adapt to it, but there is a major transition time. Okay? So when I say that is what, what, what do new job opportunities look like? We generally think about kids coming out of college and how can they code and program and do these different types of things? Fine, but you can’t have new jobs and programs until you understand how to use it first. And so that’s step one.
11:27Rather than worrying about what’s 10 years down the road about will I be relevant, start today, play with ai. It’s free open. AI is free to play with, play with it. Learn the new ways of thinking and how to adopt it and come up with new ideas. That is new opportunity right there. So when you’re looking to build something and, and how does AI come in and how do people come into it?
11:46It’s emerging of two capabilities. What can you think up and how can you think about these things in new ways? And how can AI execute on this and challenge and elevate it and do it in more, do it in more unique creative, different types of ways. That’s what’s going to be relevant in the workplace, at least in the short term. And when I say short term in the next decade. So yes, new opportunities are going to be here.
12:07It’s up to you to learn it. Okay? You’re watching TikTok videos of all these people doing these new things and you know, that’s great and you say, oh, that’s cool, and then you don’t do anything. Uh, you’re gonna be left behind, right? You actually have to practice this and do it. It could be anything. Write me a marathon training plan, write me, you know, all those things I said at the beginning, those silly little, you know, whatever.
12:27See what output you get. If it’s not good enough, then you have to change it the way you ask it and give it different types of parameters. We’re thinking in terms of parameters, we’re thinking in terms of theory, and then how do you give really specific direction and expectations so the robot can understand it. This has implications on interpersonal skills as well. So these are the types of things that we have to learn today.
12:49And it’s a fun exercise. It’s actually a lot, a lot of fun to do that. So when we think about opportunity, that’s one of the things that we have to do there too. Um, let’s talk about skills, right? Cause I’m getting to the 15 minutes. I might go to to 20. I’ve got an outline and I’m, I’m blasting through and you know, sometimes I could go deeper. If you want me to go deeper, I’m happy to do that and reach out and I will go really, really deep.
13:10Most people don’t pay attention for 45 minutes, so that’s why I don’t do it. Um, let’s talk about the skills that are gonna be in high demand, okay? As we just talked about that transition to learning AI and all of that, um, there are a couple things we have to learn about skill sets. AI is ultimately the result of human work. Okay? That’s it. It compiles it thinks it, spits it back out, and that’s it, it’s a lot of those, those types of things for now, okay?
13:36Um, skills that will be in high demand in how you could do it. The first, you know, as I think about it, and I wrote this down and I hate this term, but growth mindset, um, learning new skills. We hear this a lot. We need a growth mindset and we need to be thinkers and blah, blah, blah. How that manifests is difficult. Creating a growth mindset. Most people don’t know how to digest this.
13:56Creating a growth mindset’s kind of like work on your listening skills. It sounds nice, doesn’t mean shit, okay? It doesn’t mean anything unless you give it meaning. So we need, basically what growth mindset means, is we need to ask a lot of questions and assume we don’t know the answer. That’s growth mindset in a nutshell. Okay?Um, it means not having any answers, it means losing your assumptions. That’s where we have to, we have to strip ourselves down here.
14:22That’s growth mindset is not building on what we have from the past, but stripping it away and learning what to ignore so that we could be open to new ideas in the future. Um, I have more and more conversations, personal conversations, not necessarily work conversations with more and more people who are getting much more aggressive in, in having the right answer and being right. And I recognize that this is just a fear of what’s happening, right?
14:47They just spit out what they heard either on a news channel or, or something else. They have no context. They have this belief that they’re trying to pass off as truth because they’re trying to hold onto an old idea because they’re unsure of what’s coming next. Growth mindset. We have to shift and shed those assumptions and lose it and be open to the fact that maybe somebody’s got something better than what we think.
15:08That is incredibly important today. So that’s that. Um, it’s basically insecurity, okay? I mean, that’s when we hold onto these old ideas, it’s, it’s an important thing holding onto these old ideas. It’s insecurity in its purest form, okay? So shed those, those assumptions and do that human-based skills, what makes you uniquely human are going to be incredibly important. Yes, we could talk about empathy and we could talk about, um, all those things, but real creativity is a human skill.
15:39Interpersonal skills, problem solving, right? It’s ultimately, um, we still need humans. AI is still ultimately the result of human thought. Okay? So how can we be creative with using AI and elevating these types of things? AI is supportive. How we interact with other humans is incredibly important. So sales, jobs, psychological work, um,you know, all of these types of skills are gonna be very, very important in the workplace. We should be working on those.
16:05Get out and meet more people, be more social, right? We don’t have to, this isn’t like you have to go back to school and, and take these classes. It’s literally interpersonal. Learn how to have a conversation. Again, get out and network. How do you strike up? Strike up small talk. I hate small talk, but we still have to do it. It makes us part of a bigger world. These types of skill sets that we have to kind of say what makes us human, other people and our relationships make us human.
16:28And that’s what do we create and how do we think about new ideas and all of these types of things that’s humanity and that’s really, really good. Um, and facilitators, facilitators are going to be important, right? When we think about project management, getting things done, how do we finish things? AI will be doing work, but project management’s much more than just Excel sheets and, uh, Trello boards and all that stuff. It’s about working with people to get things finished.
16:56And that’s project management and that’s gonna be, you know, very important. Um, and the ability to think, we have to think that skillset has gone away. It’s a very kind of flighty kind of statement, but the, the ability to think has gone away because we haven’t had to think over the past few years. A lot of people will jump in and tell you what to think, but we haven’t had to think over the past few years.
17:18Technology has kind of muffled that quite a bit. And so how do we think and, and encourage this philosophical, you know, how do you become philosophical? How do you think this is, you know, every day just pick a different random question and just think it through to till it’s just beaten into the ground. We should be able to think not about what’s right, but what’s possible. Um, and those are the skill sets.
17:43So as we go in, what are we at here? 17 minutes. Sorry, I’ll wrap it up in like two and a half minutes here. I’ll do it under 20. Overcoming the challenges. There will be challenges to ai. Change is uncomfortable. Um, and the ultimate goal, I guess for, for government, for business is to make this transition as smooth as possible for the people. That’s your role right now. So that I’m speaking now to the businesses, to the government.
18:06That’s, that’s that employee prep begins. Now, even if you’re planning to cut your workforce by 50, 60, 70%, which is going to happen by the way, people, that’s going to happen in the next bunch of years. Um, people staying still need the skillset, okay? And as you train these employees and teach these employees these new ways of thinking, more roles and divisions will come up. So you may not have to actually lay off all of those people that you can manifest and build your businesses in different types of ways.
18:33So some of these skills, the educating of your employees and the training of your employees, these are skillsets we don’t typically think of in the workplace of skillsets. We have to teach belief systems. How do you articulate what you believe? This isn’t the typical kind of corporate top down. This is the messaging I want you to have. How do you get people comfortable with expressing their ideas? That is a skillset that we have to teach.
18:56Um, how do you articulate question thinking? How do you think and reframe ideas? This is the new type of, of educating that we have to do. And that’s something to invest in today so that AI can, people know how to use the ai. This is part of your business transition. This is part of your people strategy. PS this is exactly what we do. So you can call us and we’ll just, we can make it easy for you.
19:18We know exactly what to do. We’ve got the program, we’ve got the set, we could do this. Um, and so that’s it. So AI in a nutshell, as we’re wrapping up here, coming up on my 20 minutes, this is a lot to take in, A lot to take in. AI is going to basically what I’ve just told you in the past 20 minutes, AI is gonna fundamentally change everything on this planet.
19:40Um, if you don’t embrace it, you’re gonna be left behind. This all sounds very, very dark, but there is possibility. We are adaptable, we are unique, we are special snowflakes, we have capability, but it’s going to take work, okay? On the business side, business owners, business leadership, this is an investment you have to make for your employees. It’s going to help your business. It’s going to change your business. It’s necessary for your business.
20:02It’s an investment. It’s a new line on the balance sheet. You’re gonna have to do it from people. You’re gonna have to do the work. You’re gonna have to create, you have to understand ai. That’s your responsibility. It’s to get yourself ready so that you’re relevant to the workplace so that people are going to want to hire you and people, people are going to want to retain you. This is a point where we’re going to see a bifurcation in society, in the workplace, everything where there’s the people who understand it, the educated and the people who don’t.
20:28Okay? So this is very, it’s a very, very important time. The bifurcation is going to happen soon. You could do it. I believe in you. I’m here to help. Reach out anytime. Good luck with ai. Good luck with the world
20:49We, we can’t ignore it. We have to embrace it. So good luck with it. I’m here to help. Reach out anytime and I’ll talk to everybody very soon. Thanks for listening. Thank you so much for listening. Now, do something for yourself. Bellweather is much more than just a podcast. Join us@bellweatherhub.com where you can read riveting articles, view upcoming events, and connect with other interesting people. I look forward to seeing you out there soon.
Spicy headline? Yes.
I will kick this off with this statement: diversity and inclusion in the workplace has become not only increasingly relevant in recent years, but increasingly important as well, and for good reason. A diverse and inclusive workplace not only benefits the employees who work there, but the organization as a whole. Research shows that diverse organizations are more profitable, resilient and successful than those that haven’t quite caught up to modern times.
That said, there is an undercurrent that is hushed and not spoken about in the open as much as it should, and that’s what’s to do with the white men in the office. Because traditionally, when we talk D&I, we aren’t talking about the white guys.
Much more detail in the podcast, but there is an emotional challenge for men, who had expectations of promotions and ongoing success, that feel that they now have opportunities denied them.
It’s a touchy subject to bring up, and while some would say, “yep, tough life,” others would say that there are better ways of going about it.
It’s a perfect example of macro change inflicting specific challenges onto micro situations. But while we should encourage more Diversity and Inclusion programs, we should also encourage the dialogue to ensure that resentment doesn’t build within the organization.
Stats, examples, details on the episode – would love your commentary – and look forward to chatting soon!
Your Title Goes HereYour content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
Click Here For an Unedited Transcript of the PodcastWelcome to Bellwether. Thank you for being here. Episode 115, what are we gonna do with all the white guys in the office? Very hyperbolic, very spicy hyperbolic title. I know I’m gonna go with it. Apologize for the cold, please bear with me while I do it. Um, yes, spicy topic. There’s a lot of white guys in the office. This is not an attack on white guys. This is actually a serious thing that, uh, I’ve talked to a lot of clients about.
0:29And this is, um, there’s this undercurrent that we need to address. Um, I’m gonna kick this off by saying diversity and inclusion programs are necessary. They are great. They’re not only increasingly relevant, but they’re increasingly important. And we’re learning a lot about what’s, you know, what can change in the office and what’s possible with a more diverse workforce. And, um, how much benefit a really diverse workforce brings. And, uh, companies and individuals working in diverse workforces are, are more productive.
1:01They’re more profitable, they’re more, uh, culturally aligned. The culture’s more dynamic. The measurement is there, the science is there. It’s all very, very good. And I love the diversity and inclusion programs that are going on. That’s great. So research is there definitely worth it. Definitely important. We still have a lot of work to do. That said, there is an undercurrent, this little hush hush kind of not spoken about really in a certain type of way, as, as much as it should, is what are you doing with the white guys in the office?
1:32Because when we’re talking about diversity and inclusion programs and diversifying leadership and diversifying the things that really matter, when we talk about diversity, the first thing that comes to your mind is generally not a white guy,
2:01And basically what she said on the, the, the podcast, which resonated with me, is everything about work was built by white men. Okay? And that doesn’t work for everybody. And now, as the world’s changing and catching up and doing all of these types of things, um, we need to, it’s not set up for women. It’s not set up for black people. It’s not set up, you know, it’s not just creating work.
2:21There’s an environment within which we work. And so that’s evolving and that’s changing, and it’s very, very good. It needs to change. Um, workplace and leadership has traditionally been run by white guys, right? And there have been some, you know, and I I’m saying white guys, it’s mostly men. Uh, we’re seeing more, if you take a look at leadership teams, right? The head of HR is generally a woman. The head of legal is generally a woman, but exceptions, you know, obviously exist.
2:49But if you take a look macro at the, the world, it’s, most CEOs are men and most COOs are men. And, um, and that’s CFOs are men. And that, that’s it, right? And it’s, it’s not that it’s been intentional, okay? I wanna make sure that that’s kind of Dr. It’s not this intentional kind of, well, this is the white guy club and you’re not allowed to be in it, even though it’s kind of presented that way.
3:11If we take a look back over how these things just happened to evolve, right? Women weren’t in the workplace because they, we didn’t really have the technology to, you know, there was the kid thing and all of that. And women are taking control and changing their priorities on that. And, and either waiting later to have children or now there are more, you know, workplaces caught up starting to catch up in terms of allowing women to have children and do that balance thing.
3:34And, you know, society is changing that type of way. Um, the black people coming into the workplace, that’s a whole different challenge. Um, which we still have more progress to do on that. Um, right? It’s just, I mean, that’s, they’ve always been left out, whether subconsciously or not, um, from golf clubs to work clubs, they’re just, you know, they haven’t been there. And so we’re making important inroads on that, and that’s good.
3:59Um, so any diverse group, I guess it’s just kind of the way that it evolved. For right or wrong, some people did bad things, some people just were negligent and didn’t pay attention or just didn’t care, right? And, and that’s just the way it is. But let’s talk about today, um, because we’re making progress and that’s great. Um, and the situation we have today, we’re making inroads and that’s great. Here’s my challenge.
4:22Well, it’s not my challenge because I have my own business, but the challenge I have with some of my clients, um, and they’ll remain nameless. Companies will remain nameless, but there is, um, I mean, if you take a look at my, the population of my clients, I’ve got the businesses and we’re doing good kind of future of people work and all of that stuff. We don’t really talk about diversity and inclusion.
4:42I’m a white guy. Nobody wants to listen to a white guy talk about diversity and inclusion. Um, so I don’t even kind of go there, but we talk about how do you structure your people and all of that kind of, you know, beyond any of who those people are. Just let’s talk about in terms of, you know, logic and, and everything else. We could worry about that other stuff later. Then my individual coaching clients, you know, they’re working with me, they wanna get to the C-suite they’re doing, and they’re probably half men, half women.
5:07Um, it’s really split down the middle. But then out of the guys, uh, actually out of all of them, it’s mostly white people because there’s mostly white people at work. And, you know, I do have different races that I work with and everything else, but when I think about the guys that I work with, it’s mostly white guys, and they’re looking to get up into the C-suite and do all of these things.
5:26I mean, there there is this segment of middle management or upper middle management, whatever you wanna do it. Um, it’s white guys. They, they, um, they, they look at corporate leadership, they look at the change and they see what’s happening and they’re losing the motivation to go forward because they don’t see a future. And here’s my thesis statement. I’m gonna make the thesis statement now, then I’m gonna talk a little bit more.
5:53Oh, I just lost my pen. Um, when you make inroads to diversity inclusion, which is good, these opportunities were never afforded people before, right? The women coming up through the workforce in the eighties and the nineties, um, dealt with some crazy bs, didn’t have the real opportunities afforded to them. You had to be like a vicious person in order to get there. And, um, and then that created new problems in terms of, you know, type of person you are and everything else.
6:18Um, so the opportunities weren’t really there. They’re there now and that’s great, and they’re excited and that’s wonderful and they should be, and that’s fantastic. People of other races, right? Black people, everyone else, same thing. Opportunity wasn’t really there. We’re finally, you know, people are starting to pay attention. Probably say, Hey, you know what? Diversity is a good thing. This is all kind of stupid. The way that we’ve set it up.
6:37Let’s move it forward. Opportunity is there that wasn’t there before. This is great. They’re excited, they’re doing it. There’s investment and there’s groups and there’s all kinds of stuff for women and, and for, uh, everybody. And that’s excellent. White men came up, and I don’t know if this is generational, uh, because it may be done by the time, like the millennials get through it. So it could only be like a short term challenge, uh, came up with the expectation assumption that they were going to keep working and working hard, and they would have promotions and they could work towards promotions and do all of that.
7:06That’s been taken away in some instances. And I’ll give more kind of details on that in a little bit. And so it’s not, that opportunity hasn’t been there, it’s opportunity feels like on an emotional level, it’s being taken away. And this is on an individual basis, okay? So at a macro level, yes, we need more diversity, right? But simple math will tell you there’s only a set number of leadership positions. And so we gotta change the dynamic.
7:31And so the conversation that’s happening is, um, I should have gotten that role. I can’t because they’re not gonna put a white guy in that role. Um, whether they should or shouldn’t perceive it that way, you know, we could talk about that and, and we’ll talk about that a little bit. I’ve been in meetings, here’s, you know, perfect example. I had a client who was up for a promotion, should have gotten it, was told by his boss, like, go in for this job.
7:55We’re gonna be redoing things. Like, this is you, you’re the perfect guy for it. He was incredibly well suited for it. Um, and then they said, well, we have to open it up. So they opened it up and the HR person told him that he asked for an update on what the job thing was, um, that this is a quote, we didn’t get any women of color to apply for it, so we’re putting the job on hold.
8:15And now this is a major role. They can’t really put this role on hold, but they’re putting it on hold. There are no in this industry and, and job type, I don’t know. I asked him, you know, are there women of color in this? Right? And he’s like, no, I don’t know anybody. Like this is not, it’s just not there, right? So it’s a misguided kind of attempt at just saying, we have to put a person in here and there’s a misinterpretation of the way that diversity’s supposed to work.
8:40And so now he’s not getting the job, the job is being shelved. And, and, and that’s it. And so now he looked at me and he’s like, Jim, am I done? He goes, I think I’m finished. I’ve invested. I mean, he’s in his early fifties. I I’ve invested my time, I’ve done done all of this stuff. He said, if I can’t, like this was my natural next, this is where I was supposed to go.
8:59And I guess I’m, I guess I’m finished. Um, now outside of the HR person, probably shouldn’t have said that, obviously. Uh, but I’ve been on calls where the execs said, there’s no way we’re putting a white guy in that, in that position. And the HR person goes, you can’t say it that way. You know, you gotta say it this way. Uh,
9:20And every guy just basically pulled out their phone and said, who else is hiring? Right? Like, I guess I’m, I’m not getting a promotion this year. And so there’s this semantics of, right. They didn’t say it the way they should have said it, but like, we all know what it means. And the guys are like, well, what about me? Right? So macro, and here’s the funny thing, most white guys are for it.
9:40Most guys are for the diversity and inclusion and everything, and they wanna mentor. And, um, and here’s the funny kicker about the one client he sponsored and started the diversity and inclusion thing at the workplace. Um, he was a white guy, but he said, this is really important and he championed it and everything else. And, and, uh, now he feels like it’s burning him. Um, now it’s emotional versus logic. And, and we’ve got all of these types of things and, and we have these assumptions.
10:04And, um, and so, so we have to think about how this evolves and how do you at least engage these men in conversation to say, look, you still have value. There still is a future, right? The macro thing is very important, but on an individual micro level, people will say, well, what about me? Right? I agree with that. You know, it’s like, I, I want speed bumps in the neighborhood, but don’t put it in front of my house, right?
10:30
10:57And so, um, I hate to present a problem and not have solutions, but this is a topic that I’m, I’m talking to a lot of people about, uh, just write an amazing book called Men Without Work. Apparently something like almost 20% of able-bodied men are out of the workforce, not even looking for job. They’re not even included in unemployment numbers. They’re out of the workforce and, um, not looking for a job, which is insane to me, right?
11:24And so where are these people going? And I was looking through the data and reading the book, and they said, well, you know what, more women came into the workplace, which is good. So we don’t see that there’s less people and you know, this whole shift. But now we’ve got a societal issue where you have no motivation, no type of work. A lot of the research in terms of happiness surveys and everything, there was a, a, a male one that had happened years ago where what gives you energy?
11:49All the women had answered it, you know, my family gives me energy. And, you know, all this above and beyond what gives you purpose and everything for men was my work. And if you take a look at suicide rates, the biggest suicide group are men over the age of 60. And a lot of people are tying them back to the fact that they don’t have work and they don’t have purpose. They’ve retired, they don’t know what to do with themselves.
12:10They don’t, you know, there is this societal shift that’s happening and men have to figure it out. And when we take a look at, I have no future at this organization, you’re pushing the, the age limit. You know, what are the guys in their forties and fifties gonna do? Where, you know, when I’ve hit my ceiling, now I’ve got another 20 years in this role. I don’t wanna do that, right? Do I have to do a fundamental shift?
12:29Do I have to do a fundamental change? I have to go to a new industry, like there’s, and look, life’s life sucks right there. There is this aspect to it. Welcome to life, it’s gonna hit you hard, wear a cup and move on. So there is kind of a little tough love that needs to happen. It’s not like we have to handhold all of these people. Um, but there is this psychological kind of thing.
12:47And, and we know that men don’t like to talk about the stuff we don’t like, for a lot of reasons. Not because we can’t, but because we just don’t wanna burden other people with our problems. And, and we like to say, well, you should talk about it. Some guys just don’t want to. Um, but there are, by the way, if you are in this situation, you’re a guy listening to it, there are plenty of people who will talk to you about it and wanna talk to you about it, and we’ll help you articulate it.
13:07And that’s, you know, there are challenges and opportunity and, but generally what we have to do is we kind of have to, we have to work through it, we have to articulate it, and we have to talk about it. Uh, so what can we do about this? This is, I’ll remind, um, and we could talk to leadership, we could talk to individuals, we could talk to anybody. But remember, this is an individual challenge.
13:27It’s a weird one because it’s, the macro challenge is we don’t have enough diversity in the workplace, okay? And that’s a macro general look at the numbers. It’s true, it’s there. And so we have to fix that challenge. But on an individual level, uh, what’s my path and what does this mean for me? And the devil is in the details. And when we talk about macro change, we gotta talk about a micro individual.
13:52Um, and some people in your ranks are getting very frustrated because they don’t feel like they have a path and they don’t know where they’re going to go. Um, when we take a look, last week I talked about ambition. Where’d the ambition go? Is we don’t know where we’re going, right? And this is kind of doubly true for, for the men. And so, um, I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I’m saying it’s a challenge we have to deal with.
14:13So first, I mean, the first thing I would say in terms of solutions, these probably aren’t the greatest solutions, but I’ll start the conversation, is number one, we have to recognize that this is a challenge, right? And you can’t just ignore it. When we’re putting together diversity and inclusion programs, we have to include white men in that, okay? Because it’s, there is this shift of what’s happening and, and they have value to bring it, and they’re very supportive of it.
14:34But we have to recognize that this is an emotional challenge for men. Um, and we can’t coddle them and, and, you know, do it. There’s, there’s an appropriate way to do that, but we, we don’t, we gotta figure that out. So anyway, that’s one, I’ll just start my pen again. So that’s two pens. Um, number two, we have to foster dialogue if it’s possible, right? And, and this is a very difficult challenge to do.
14:57I had a, um,
15:16They said, fine. So the women’s leadership one was mobbed, nobody showed up to the men’s one. And the women are like, look, we gave a men’s one, nobody showed up. Um, but it was called Why your toxic masculinity is ruining the Office, or something like that. And so they created it for the men, but it was very
15:36We take this personally and we do this type of work. Um, so there is a right and wrong way to go about it. We have to be smart with the way that we, we talk about all of these things and, and we talk about it with, try to remove the emotion from it and just talk about the logical look. You’ve got a fruit salad that’s full of just, you know, cantaloupe. You gotta add strawberries and, and blueberries.
15:56You might have to take some cantaloupe out of it, and that’s it. Then you have a good fruit salad. So that’s it. We want the flavor, we want the changes, we want diversity. And that’s, you know, it’s an important thing. And there’s still value that you can bring. And, and maybe we have to change the mentality of our people in terms of is it status, is it role title, is it, you know, do we change?
16:12And, and this is the good work that we’re doing with, with the corporate clients, is we’re restructuring the way we think about people and the way we think about, um, accountability and agency and, and what people can do. And, um, so that will work itself out in the wash, but we still have to address it. Help them also as an idea to become agents of this change, to be involved with it.
16:32Don’t just have this change thrust upon them, have them be active components of it. A lot of white guys are really into this and really wanna be helpful. And this is another way that we can, we can do, um, bring more value to diversity and inclusion programs, is that they do have a voice. And as we rethink the workplace, that can provide value as well. So, more to come on this and, and I have a lot more thoughts, and I’m gonna still articulate them.
16:54I’m interested in yours. Um, but for leadership, recognize it’s a challenge. How we communicate it, how we share it, how we talk about it is incredibly important. It’s a delicate issue. Um, but most guys really can’t feel like they could talk about it. And so I’ll say for you, why not? Who cares? And let’s see what, let’s see what could come out of it. So, um, this is beyond talking points. It’s a big thing.
17:18Good luck with it. I’m happy to talk more about it. I’m happy to talk about how we can accommodate them and bigger, um, and bigger types of discussions of people. And, and, uh, and as these diversity and inclusion programs do really, really good things, we can, we can figure out a solution for everybody. So good luck. Have a wonderful week and I’ll see you next week. Thanks.
It’s a hot topic, on multiple fronts: Where is the ambition?
Organizations are working hard to “re-engage” their employees, based on the assumption that they should be excited to go “above and beyond.” Employees, and individuals in general, are fairly checked out – not sure where they should be focused or going on a personal level.
There are many obvious reasons for this:
- Burnout – on a major scale, beyond work. AI, society changes, and massive uncertainty have us constantly looking in the mirror trying to anticipate what’s coming.
- Priorities have shifted – the pandemic showed us what it was like to have time for dinner with our families. And we liked it.
- Our assumptions have been turned upside down – Before, going above and beyond wasn’t just in the pursuit of advancement – it was an obligation and expectation that above and beyond was the norm … and people are saying, “Hold Up!”
- Finally, we don’t know where we are going – many of us are unsure of where to head, as the future of work and success is quite murky.
Yes, the onus is on us to dictate our next steps, but we must do so in the context of a bigger picture. With so much change and uncertainty, we should focus less on making hard decisions, and focus more on creating the environment where we can throw out hopes and desires and see what’s possible.
This can be done at home, at work, in communities. More on the podcast – enjoy!
Your Title Goes HereYour content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
Click Here for an Unedited Transcript of the PodcastWelcome to Bellwether episode 114. Where has all the ambition gone? Lots to talk about today. It’s a hot topic. It’s a hot topic everywhere. Organizations are talking about it. The news is talking about it. We’ve been talking about it for a long time. People are starting to talk about it. They’re catching up and kind of realizing that their ambition is gone and what does that mean for them and where are they going to go.
0:25There are a lot of different angles I’m gonna take today, and I want to kind of peel back the onion a little bit in terms of how to solve it, if it’s solvable,
0:52And then you could probably fast forward if you wanna fast forward or you could just listen to my musings throughout. I’m gonna chat about why. One, I think sentiment and priorities have changed. Two, um, people are realizing the work isn’t really what they thought it was going to be. Three, um, burnout of course we’re gonna cover today. And then four is this lack of direction. A lot of people have lost their assumptions and their, their lack of direction, their, they’re not quite sure where to go.
1:19So I wanna talk about those in, in differing types of order. So, um, when we think about ambition, and this has been going on, you know, if you follow me on LinkedIn or any of the others, I’ve been sharing some of the articles. There was an article maybe a year ago, the Times had done it. Um, the Time Magazine wrote, uh, an article on it back in 2022. LinkedIn was just posting again about new studies about how self-reported ambition is just, you know, falling off a cliff.
1:47Um, and it’s a difficult thing to measure, you know, how do we actually measure ambition? And, and a lot of it is just kind of this feeling. We’ve got this feeling that people aren’t really doing as much as they wanted to do, or, or pushing themselves in the same kind of way. It’s not the same as productive productivity, but it’s linked to productivity and some of the other statistics in terms of actual pro productive output.
2:08What organizations and individuals and organizations are about to do. And I’ve covered this on a podcast, it’s going away. Productivity is gone and what’s actually happening, it’s not because people are working from home, although that might have something to do with it, but there are a lot of things going on in the different types of angles, uh, that, that we have to, that we have to cover. Burnout is one of them, of course.
2:28Um, the pandemic has shown us what life is like without work being everything. And some of the questions, is this an American problem? Is this a global problem? I’m sure it covers both, but I’m gonna talk about it from the American perspective because hey, that’s where I am and that’s where most of my clients are. And that’s where a lot of, uh, a lot of other countries that I work with tend to look towards America towards this kind of work ethic, uh, philosophy because Americans are just known as, um,you know, the crazy people who work on weekends.
2:59Um, the ambition question is coming up a lot from clients, and I’m gonna talk about this in two different ways. One is from an organizational perspective. One is from an individual perspective, from an organizational perspective, yes, productivity is down. Um, the idea of the pursuit of advancement and working hard in all of this, you know, how do we get employees engaged? We want to engage in employees so they can go above and beyond, and we could do all of these things.
3:26Um, so a lot of organizations are feeling that pinch. They don’t know how to approach it. They’re trying to respond with, you know, do this webinar and do this training, and do this and do that. And they’re trying to just jam more things down the throne. It’s not the right approach, in my opinion. Um, and so how do you get them to do more than expected? Well, how do you create the desire to do more than expected from an individual perspective?
3:51Why care
4:13What am I working towards? The, the assumptions have changed, the future has changed, and I don’t quite know or see where I actually fit in. So why am I working so hard in this pursuit of advancement and ambition when I don’t know what the, the end game is going to be? So that’s where, that’s where we go first and foremost. Um, and this is fundamental to, to everything is all of our assumptions.
4:37This is beyond the ambition question. All of our assumptions are upside down. And the assumptions on what we can accomplish for work, the assumptions on what our goals should be for work. You know, when I talk to business owners, you know, what should our priorities be this year? Where, what’s our one year, three year, five year plan, 10 year plan? It’s all very murky, okay? And so any assumptions we have on the way people are supposed to operate, the way people are supposed to be, the way business is supposed to run is really out the window right now.
5:05And much of my advice to people is, one, we have to raise our expectations of ourselves and the people around us. Yes, from an interpersonal kind of way, but we have to eliminate assumptions, throw them out the window because anything that worked in the past is really irrelevant at this point. We can use this to inform whatever it is that we want to do, but any assumptions we have on why people would wanna pursue advancement, why people would wanna be ambitious, what drives people, what motivates people, all of this work is really out the window right now.
5:33And we have to rethink it, reengage and re-discuss with our employees, with our leadership teams, with everybody in terms of what really matters right now. The context has changed. The work environment, the home environment, the community environment, the news environment, everything has changed. So priorities have shifted, everything has shifted. So now we need to kind of rethink what assumptions are we making, right? Training doesn’t fix everything, right? The old way of training, I should say, the old way of training doesn’t fix anything.
6:00How do we get people more, uh, experiential in their learning? How do we get them to take ownership of their learning? How do we teach people to think in a different type of way? These are the types of questions that we should be asking. So, um, starting with this pursuit of advancement, we grew up, at least I did, and a lot of my peers, you know, you look at anybody in their mid forties where you were told work hard and everyone’s gonna notice and you’re gonna get rewarded and it’s gonna be great.
6:34And everybody has kind of realized that that’s just kind of bunk. And, um, going above and beyond wasn’t just in the pursuit of advancement. It’s what was expected was an obligation. You just had to work Saturdays, right? Think back to office space. I’m gonna need you to come in on Saturday and you didn’t really have a choice. And people are starting to have a choice. People are starting to say, well, hold up, like, I got family time on the weekends now and I get to dictate this.
6:58And you know, the technology has allowed us to communicate with other people in this different type of way to say, if these people can get their work life balance and all this kind of philosophical, uh, bs that, that we’ve talked about, um, why can’t I have it? And a lot of people are saying, what about me right now? So people are putting their hands up. We’re aware of the fact that, you know, I just posted this on LinkedIn the other day, and, uh, an old colleague of mine, Mike, basically made the point, you know, we know that work is in a family, work likes to talk about, you know,oh,you know what, we’re all a family here.
7:28But that family kind of throws you under the bus when it’s time to lay off half your people. Um, and it’s just an objective thing, right? That we expect the employees to give everything, but when things get difficult, the business really has the upper hand. And that ultimately is what pays the bills for right or wrong, right? It’s not a good thing or a bad thing, right? At the end of the day, businesses exist to make money and we need people to work hard and we need to pay them appropriately and we need to do all of that stuff.
7:52But, um, when we think about keeping a business alive right now, the business environment, the market environments have changed so much that leadership of organizations have two kind of pulling philosophies. They’re going for. One is, how do we make this business sustainable? So it still exists. A businesses exist to make money, we have to make money, and that’s it. But we also have human beings working for us. And what’s that balance and how do we get the best human beings to bring them into the organization?
8:22And how do we create that environment? I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again. I would say probably 90% of organizations could be successful with half of their employees. And everybody needs to hear that. And if you’re not in that top 50%, you need to start figuring out what it’s going to take to get you into that 50%, to creating value in all of that. Um, so there’s an, this obligation of work has an obligation to articulate what their vision is, to develop their people, to create an environment for people to be successful.
8:47But we as employees have an obligation to create value within that context, to challenge the norms to do that type of work. So pursuit of advancement, and I’m gonna circle back to this at the end because we don’t know what we’re advancing towards, um, is is not really the norm that it used to be. We used to have this assumption on pursuit of advancement. It’s not the same assumption that we can continue into 2023 and beyond.
9:11So that’s number one. Uh, and that’s a big one. That’s a big number one, right? Pursuit of advancement isn’t what it used to be. Number two, priorities have shifted. And this kind of goes into the pursuit of advancement and kind of creating boundaries for what’s acceptable and what’s not, not being taken advantage of, uh, taken advantage of in the workplace over the last four years. We got a little taste of what it was like to spend time with our families, to have our weekends back, to sleep in, to kind of go read a book, to go do whatever.
9:43And people really like it. People really, really like it. And for those people, they’re, you know, there’s different types of people there. The people who create work and the entrepreneurs, they’re still working the way that they used to work, but they have ownership of what it is they’re working towards. So they love it. And that’s what really drives entrepreneurship and that’s why they do it. You’ve got the other people working in, uh, organization who see a path for themselves and they’re working hard and they’re trying to push things over.
10:08It’s very difficult for them because they have to rally other people to do it. And then there’s people who wait for work to happen to them. And those are the people who really like to kinda unwind and check out and everything else. And, and they need it and they should have it, right? Everybody needs their time to check out. Everybody’s checking out is a little bit different. Um, but when we think about priorities of what’s important, you know, I think, and this is American perspective, you take a look at Europe, Europe gets their months of August off in a lot of countries.
10:36Europe gets this time with families. They’re done at, you know, different types and not everyone of course, right? There’s different types of industries and companies and everything else, but the American culture doesn’t really allow for taking time for yourself and it doesn’t allow for this family time. And, and part of it is a financial discussion of course, but there are other ones too in terms of what’s expected of you, the obligations you have when you sign off for a job.
11:00And, and the way that work culture has been set up, this hustle, hustle culture that’s been going on since the eighties, the nineties, it’s continued straight through and people are starting to dictate what it is that they want. And the ones who have real value are able to kind of find that balance, but also continue to do work and work smartly. But priorities have shifted. So that’s kind of changing the ambition question of, you know what, maybe I don’t need to be in the C-suite.
11:25Maybe just being a VP is good enough and I get my family time and how do I kind of make this work? I remember, uh, I remember applying for a job. I got the job, but there was a woman who interviewed me, she was gonna be on my team. And she said, how do you feel? She asked me, how do you feel about someone who doesn’t want a promotion? And I said, what do you mean?
11:48And she said, I’m done. I don’t want to pursue more. I don’t wanna advance more. I’m happy. I’ve got my family. I don’t, don’t wanna keep working towards something new. I’m being pushed to work towards a promotion when I don’t really want a promotion because I’ve got this balance and everything and this is good for me. And of course I told her, you know, that’s awesome, right? Of course, my philosophy was always get your work done and you know, we’ll talk about what you need and what you want and everything else and keep work interesting and everything else.
12:09And I feel like she was ahead of her time almost. This was, I mean, this was at least a decade ago, maybe 15 years ago. I feel like she was ahead of her time in terms of that. And I think a lot more people are starting to think that way of, you know what, maybe this is good enough from a work perspective. Let me fill in these other areas of my life so that everything could kind of even out and put work in its place and find other things to kind of take my time.
12:31So that’s a big priority shift there. Number three on why ambition is going away or why it’s fallen off is burnout. And I hate just saying burnout, um, but we’re burned out. Everybody is burned out and everybody is burned out. Everyone is exhausted. And it’s not from work. It’s not just from work. It’s, uh, we’re burned out and we’re afraid because massive levels of change are being thrust upon us on a massive scale.
13:08And this goes beyond work. I mean, the big one right now is ai. All you hear about in terms of artificial intelligence is how it’s gonna disrupt everything. Your job is going away and the robots are gonna take over and let’s massive fear. And it’s very exciting. It’s a very exciting time and I love reading about it. But when we think about what about me, it, it, it’s stress. It’s a, an incredibly stressful time.
13:33And, and how do we kind of do the work when I know my work is going to change? I see that your, my company’s laying off 10,000 people. Am I gonna be one of them? All my competitors have laid off 10,000 people. Are we next? Um, what’s going on in society? What are the kids doing? What are we doing? You know, every it, it compounds from so many different places that we are completely burned out.
13:55You cannot turn it off where we actually need to completely check out for a week, unplug and, and kind of reset to, to where we are now. You always hear me say, um,you know, we don’t know what’s coming and we have to go inside, right? My big thing is macro change. And this is important when you’re talking about change management at work, is we’re talking about ambition and you want people to kind of change their philosophies.
14:21Macro change requires a focus on the micro individual. That’s why training doesn’t work. Cuz you’re telling them what they’re supposed to think and it doesn’t work. We have to teach them to think about things in a different way, in their own particular way. Because any type of change, any type of structurally different anything requires an individual to internalize it and then re manifest it in their own particular way so that they can respond appropriately.
14:44So the one constant through all change is the individual responding to change. That’s it. And that’s leading to burnout because we’re being told what change is coming and we have no say. And we’re so focused on the external change that it’s driving burnout. And so how do we slow it down? Um, go, I saw this awesome article the other day about a woman who was a teacher and God help our teachers cuz I wouldn’t be able to do it.
15:12Um, mostly because of the parents, completely burned out because of parents, because of the way we were teaching throughout the pandemic and everything else. Like it was a, if you were a teacher, it was a horrible type of job. Quit her job, went to go work at Costco. Life is better, wouldn’t change anything. She’s making the same amount of money. She gets her weekends back, she gets all this kind of stuff back.
15:30And you know, when we go back to thinking about assumptions and responding to burnout and what do we need as individuals, maybe the assumption goes away that you need to work this particular job for a long, particular time. I know people made some rash decisions in the pandemic, but maybe we do take a different kind of stake in terms of, well, you know what, maybe I just go work this way. What’s good enough?
15:50Right? Is it okay to be good enough rather than this overachiever and have these types of things happen to you and it’s a heavy discussion needs to be had with your family. Lots of, you know,
16:10Oh, I can’t make it work because they haven’t looked at all of the details. I used to work with this guy at a bank. All he did was spreadsheets all day. Hated his job, hated his life. Like it was awful. Had a great family, loved his family. He was wonderful. Loved to tinker with the tools and I don’t know what he was making, but I was like, you could probably make the same at Home Depot and you could be around the tools, you could help people and it’ll be awesome.
16:28He’s like, I can’t do that. I can’t work at Home Depot. And he said, why not? And it was all this kind of like, what would the neighbors say and everything else, but at the end of the day, he would’ve been so much happier if he had done it. Um, and it’s hard. These types of conversations are hard when we talk about responding to burnout, responding to change, responding to this lowering ambition.
16:47It’s hard. But the thing is, nobody can do it for you because it’s ultimately your bed. Nobody can make your bed for you. I mean, maybe like,you know, billionaires, kids can make it for them, but that’s why all like family wealth goes away by the third generation because too many people are making their beds. So it’s hard. That’s okay. We’re faced with challenges and we have to overcome them. But when we overcome challenges, that’s your purpose.
17:11That’s the feeling we’re trying to get to. And that’s what we’re really struggling with during burnout time right now is, you know, I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Let’s take a step back and what are these assumptions that are driving this burnout that we have to have? And what’s a feasible step, right? And it’s not just gonna be this, oh, I’m just gonna quit my job and go, you know, start a side hustle.
17:32It’s not, it’s not that there are paths, but I think we’re blind to them because we aren’t really quite looking at them. So, um, so that’s number three. Burnout. So we talked about, um, we talked about one right at the top. We talked about going above and beyond pursuit of advancement. Assumptions need to go out the window and I’m gonna come back to that. Number two, we talked about how priorities have shifted.
17:55And then number three, we talked about burnout. Let’s go back to this pursuit of advancement because this is the fourth one. Nobody knows what they’re working towards anymore. If you were to take burnout, there’s massive levels of change and priorities have shifted. And we take a look at this pursuit of advancement. So much change. We don’t know what the future’s going to look like in five years. We feel it, we know it.
18:16Everybody’s talking about it. It’s no big secret, but we don’t know what we’re working towards. And I’m gonna talk about this. This is different based on gender, it’s different based on race, it’s different based on every individual. And, uh, and I’m gonna cover this next week on next week’s podcast. The podcast is gonna be what do you do with the men in your office? Um, because a lot of them had this assumption, I don’t want to tease it too much, but a lot of men had this assumption that they would just keep working and they would go up and become a VP and then a president do whatever.
18:44Um, but the dynamics of the workplace have changed so much that something like 16 to 20% of able-bodied men are completely out of the workforce. Um, but nobody talks about it because, and this is necessary. Women have entered the workforce at large, right? And we’ve done a lot of work and a lot of good work has happened in terms of equality, making sure people are paid the same and right. This is an ongoing conversation, but there’s this group of, you know, 20% of able-bodied men are out of the workforce, not even unemployed out of the workforce.
19:15It doesn’t account, uh, for unemployment numbers. So a lot of these things, what am I working towards? Um, and I’ll cover that in detail, um, for that. But what are we working towards? Our assumptions have changed in terms of, well, you know what, I thought I was going to go to a leadership position and organization, but there aren’t any for me and I don’t see myself getting a seat at that table.
19:37And so if that’s cut out for me, then where do I go? I don’t know what I’m working towards. I don’t have intentionality in terms of dictating my next role. And it’s not a man problem. Well, it is a man problem, but it’s also a woman problem. It’s an everyone problem. But, you know, the future of work is quite murky and we think about it from a strategic stalemate, kind of what decisions do we make?
19:59The organizations are thinking about this, but from an individual perspective of what am I working towards? Most people can’t answer that question. They don’t know where they want to go and they don’t know where they can go. So, you know, when we look for new jobs and we start thinking about new jobs, we think about, you know, what can I do? Right? And, and uh, I I think about this as a big moment in my career where I stopped looking at what I can do and I started thinking about what I wanted to do and that kind of changed what I was looking for in terms of new jobs because it would go through the cycle.
20:28I’d start a new job and it was great. And then I got checked out and it was, you know, whatever. And, um, cycle continues every five years you find a new job and go through the same thing and it’s the same type of company and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And as you’re looking for that new job every five years, you’re like, well what can I do? Oh, I could do that.
20:43Oh, I could do that, but you don’t really wanna do it, but you can do it. And you know, it’s always, grass is always greener on the other side and all of that kind of stuff. But now it’s, you know, the question of once you get up to a certain level, right? High middle management, it’s not necessarily what can you do because there’s a very limited aspect of where you can go.
21:07And so people are very concerned about this and and they don’t know how to articulate it. They don’t know how to ask the questions. They don’t know how to have these conversations and they don’t know where is next. So a bunch of people made a jump during the pandemic that was great. They did it for money, they did it for other reasons, fantastic. Some of them regret it, some of them don’t.
21:24But when we think about what’s next and where you’re gonna go, and I, I talk to, I mean my sweet spot for clients is 35 to 55. I’m dealing with a lot of these people and a lot of these conversations is, I don’t know what’s next. I don’t really have a future. I don’t really have, you know, we talk about development, we talk about how to bring these people up and give them a career path.
21:43The onus is on the individual to articulate it. Yes. But organizations don’t even know how to articulate it to people to say, well this is what’s going to be available. Because the whole framework of how we structure an organization is changing. So there’s a lot of mystery around where do people go and what are you going to do? And everyone will be fine. We’re gonna find a job, we’re gonna do it, and that’s great, but is it what you wanna do?
22:08And that’s a very deep difficult conversation for people to have with themselves and with other people. And so the onus is on us to define our roles and to solve all of this. When we talk about ambition and why, why am I doing this? And you know, I’m 35 to 55, I’m not gonna do this for another 20 years. Like if you were to look at this 20 years of doing what you’re doing today, right?
22:30A lot of people just say, that’s miserable, right? I don’t want to do it. Ultimately you’re gonna have to make the decisions to say, you know, what, what’s possible, what can I do and how can I change it? And how do I prioritize what’s important to me and what do I really need? Um, because many of us don’t really know where to start, and it starts with a question of ourselves is what, you know, what do you want?
22:52And, and how do you articulate it verbally? We can’t just think about it cuz we make these assumptions and we jump and we, we do all this other type of work, but a fun conversation. I do this with Gabby, my wife all the time, is what’s possible, what could we do? Um, we just had friends down a couple weeks ago. We were talking like, why don’t we just move to an island in Greece and just kind of raise the kids there and I dunno, teach ’em how to fish or some shit.
23:14Who knows? Like
23:34You got 20 years or more or less, whatever, but you’ve got 20 years to kind of make your mark in terms of what it is you wanna do. It doesn’t have to be this exhausting, you know, do it today. So tomorrow can be brilliant and blah blah blah, blah, blah. We don’t have to put this kind of pressure on ourselves. You know, everything’s okay and everything’s gonna be okay. If we can be intentional with what it is that’s, that’s relevant for us today in the moment.
23:57And as we figure ourselves out today, everything else in the future will kind of work itself out. The more conversations you have brings opportunities of what’s possible, we have to think about what’s possible. We often think about why we can’t do something because well, AI is gonna take that job so you can’t take it and, uh, self-driving cars. So you can’t, you know, become a truck driver because self-driving cars and, you know, 10 years is gonna be whatever.
24:21We can always find a reason why we can’t do something. But we have to, you know, have these conversations with peers and managers with our teams, right? If you manage a team to engage your team, we have to create an environment where they could share their hopes, their dreams, their fears, where they can get honest feedback, trustworthy feedback. How do you as a manager, that’s our obligation as a leader, as a manager, how do we create the environment for people to create their ambition?
24:49We can’t tell someone what they should be doing. I hate the word should, right? Should be removed from the English language other than the fact that I should do this. Um, we can dictate that for other people, but we can engage the discussion and we can start the discussion. What do you want to do? And most people aren’t really gonna share that right away, right? We’ve got these different lives, we’ve got the public, we’ve got the private, we’ve got the secret.
25:11And how do we tap into some of those and how do we say it’s okay to want something that you don’t currently have and not from a consumer perspective, right? We don’t need stuff, right? The more stuff you get, the more you know, kind of, you get lost in your stuff. But when we think about ambition and what we want, be proud of what you want, right? And take those little safe kind of risks and try something.
25:33And it doesn’t have to upend everything, but when we think about ambition, when we think about our teams organizationally, create the environment for people to articulate these hopes, desires and dreams about what’s possible within the confines of the work environment or not. And then also for an individual, engage the people you trust to say, oh, I was thinking about trying this, or I was thinking about trying that and find someone who believes in you.
25:57Everybody can find someone who believes in them. And if you don’t have someone call me up. I believe I believe in you. I believe in you
26:17It’s the same for you in your thirties and forties and fifties. Yes, there’s more risk. You’ve got kids, you’ve got a home, maybe, you know, whatever. Um, but there are different ways that we could do it and we could change different dynamics based on the assumptions that we have. And so lots to think about in terms of ambition. I hope that’s helpful. I love talking about ambition, I love talking about this type of stuff.
26:36I don’t wanna get a little too cheesy in terms of what, you know, you can do it. Um, but articulating ambition and articulating where you wish to go, not from a role perspective, but you as an individual is a great place to start. So think about that this week. I hope that’s helpful. Would love to talk to you about it more. Feel free to reach out. I love these types of conversations and as always, have a wonderful week and I’ll talk to you next week.
27:02Thanks.
Happy 2023.
We are tripping into this year with a bit of anxiety: 2022 wasn’t great for most of us, we are still in year 4 of the pandemic, uncertainty on the horizon and ChatGPT ruining our memories of writing high school papers.
There are very few things that make me think that 2023 is going to be a “good year.” And that’s because most of the time I’m looking externally for things to be good. One of the biggest changes I foresee is that many of our expectations and assumptions, especially in the US, are going to be massively disrupted.
Yet fear not! There are ways to cope and attack. The world changing isn’t a problem – it’s a circumstance to respond to. Therefore, I’ve come up with the “Four I’s” of 2023 to help you manage along.
First, Identity. When we must make change – whether it’s a resolution or forced change, we must identify with it for us to manage it well. Our end game and result has to become core to who we are. If your resolution is to lose weight, we have to make “skinny people decisions.” If we want to get a promotion, the identity of that role has to be core to our personality.
The reason is must become core to our being is for when things get crazy and stressful, we default to our basic level. This is why resolutions fail. Our default choice must become the one that changes. And this default is going to be especially necessary as we anchor ourselves for the technological change being thrust upon us.
Second, Intentionality. Presence is a big word. And so is intentionality. Without it, we are aimless. With things like OpenAI arriving and finally, fundamentally, changing the way things get done, we need to be intentional about how we use this technology to better ourselves. We can’t shortcut things anymore – for AI to work, we have to think in new ways and get better results because of it. Ironically, this is different than how we operate today.
Finally, three and four: “Inquisitive Intellectuality.” We need a new way to learn through questions. Yes, we are capable of great things, but it’s going to require us to think in very new ways, with specificity and providing parameters to elevate our way of being. AI will help us in 2023 get there.
Looking ahead, there is a lot more on the horizon. The people who will do well will be those accountable to themselves; those who take ownership and responsibility for their actions and are willing to have the uncomfortable conversations with themselves. Lots of excitement is around the bend – so let’s embrace it and enjoy the ride!
Your Title Goes HereYour content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.
Click Here for an Unedited Transcript of the PodcastWelcome to Bellwether. Happy 2023 Whole new Year. Uh, same old podcast, but it’s still gonna be really good stuff. Today’s episode, we’re gonna talk about 2023, the big plans for the year, what I think is gonna be, uh, incredibly influential for 2023 and what to look out for in 2023. I’ll do a quick recap of 2022 because that, uh, informs much of what I think about 2023, because this is an ongoing cycle and, uh, it’s gonna be, it’s gonna be good.0:34Um, it’s gonna be hard, but it’s gonna be good. And this episode I think is really important and I’m really excited about it. Cause there’s really good things, uh, coming up for 2023. Um, let’s start with last year. Let’s start with 2022. It sucked.
Remember when we didn't know something and we had to be OK with it? It was a good thing.
CEOs are taking more political stands than ever. Let's chat what it means for the business and their people.
Quiet Quitting and Firing: not new, but solvable. We need to understand the work dynamic to respond.
We LOVE to hate on other generations. But the hate needs to be tempered - there’s lots of learning to be had.
The similarities between 2007 and today are numerous - but here's to cutting through the noise to set yourself up well.
This week is 6 years since my last official day in corporate. Here’s why I left, what I’ve learned and why I’d consider going back.
Forgiveness: A word you probably haven't thought enough of; and the lack of it is potentially holding you back.
Nutrition is more than just what's on your plate. Marissa shares how to cut the nonsense when focusing on your nurition.
Motivation is a process ... and it changes as we change. More on how creativity and social groups make us motivated.
Scott keeps good company - the type that you learn from over and over again. Here's how to find a mentor.
PSA: Just having a will isn't enough - Joanne shares what you need and how easy (and important) it is to get it done.
David Jaques shares his mental health story and how we can start the conversation at work.
At its most basic, Ted Lasso is a macro, meta-level fight between good and evil; a social commentary on acceptable and productive workplace behaviors.
Today I wrap the insecurity series up with a few minutes on how to have influence, without necessarily having authority tied to it.
Your culture is driven by your communication; and knowing what makes healthy vs. destructive communication is one skill all leaders must learn.
Imposter Syndrome: No matter how many times we tell ourselves we are capable, we continually have a nagging voice in the back of our head that makes us question things.
This week - we are covering insecurity. My insecurity. Your insecurity. And the reason it’s one of the bigger impacts on what we can accomplish.
Susanne Tedrick, technology exec and author of “Women of Color in Tech” offers a blueprint for the leadership of any organization who wants to do the work to build a fair, equitable, diverse and inclusive workforce.
Sometimes it's not so complicated to find a purpose, hobby or passion. Scott shares how he found his spark, with plenty of sound advice on finding your own.
Bouncing Back is a process - and one that takes focus. Here's how to improve your "BounceBackAbility"
Chatting with Enda O'Doherty on real resilience, mental health, and why he is climbing mountains with a washing machine on his back.
Bestselling author and manufacturing executive Ben Lampron is part of the crew of people who recognize that things can be different for a lot of people if they just had the right bit of knowledge at the right time.
Video is now table stakes for businesses and entrepreneurs. We chat with Anna Downes about the balance of time vs. ROI, and what makes good video.
There is an effective process to follow when communicating to the C Suite. Here are the steps.
I love metaphors and I love running. So, let's use running as a metaphor for any new thing you want to try.
I get it - "leadership" as a topic is a bit basic. But moving beyond "how" a leader should act and into the emotional connection of leadership is a step not enough people take.
Much has been said about the “new economy” and where the world is going to go once the pandemic is over, but not enough around the vastly different ways that organizations are viewing their employees.
As the workplace evolves, the stakes get higher on making sure we are able to influence the story that precedes us. Reputation, personal “brands,” and other stories impact our ability to move up in an organization, as well as build our community of people around us.
There will always be a debate on social media - the negatives and the positives - and that’s great; there should be. But at the end of the day, especially for entrepreneurs, the need for an effective social media presence is table stakes and won’t be going away.
Recents events have shown me that we now have the platform to have more influence to build the community to make us better.
From the office to the individual - adapting to change is the new skill set we can all use.
From the "purpose" question to "how do I get a job" ... here are the fundamentals to a career coach session.
While 2020 can be considered a dumpster fire, there are plenty of positive, important lessons to bring into the new year.
The first question to start your inner dialogue is, "What Do I Need Right Now?" - Your ultimate response to managing change.
As we differentiate ourselves in the new economy, we have to ask ourselves: what are we creating that has value?
This week we cover the burnout that is driven by uncertainty, stages of workplace burnout, and the only way to beat it: recovery.
This week - we’re covering the uncertainty aspect that 2020 has brought, and how tapping into the new favorite corporate buzzword: resiliency.
Humility and Humiliation go hand in hand and can both be detrimental to your success in the new economy.
Last week we chatted accountability; this week is about creating a filter to make decisions. All decisions I make are based on the filter of: will I have to worry about this later?
Welcome to the final 100 days of the year. Let's dive into accountability and what we can accomplish before the year is out.
Bill Reilly is on a mission to change the perception of St. Patrick's Day and “reclaim the day,” to provide an environment for people to celebrate Irish Heritage without obnoxious drunk teenagers binge drinking themselves all over your shoes.
This week: I'm cheering you on. Let's chat unrealized dreams, the assumptions you make on why you can't do it, and how to get started.
There is lots of stress in this world right now: pandemics, politics, protests and more. It's manifesting into a dismissive anger that goes beyond just "frustration." I even got angry at spinach. Here's how I'm dealing.
There are lots of things to think about when picking an executive coach. Here are the things you should be looking for.
Financial independence is now more important than ever - simply for the fact that it will eliminate your money worries.
Let's keep it simple: the three financial numbers you need to figure out to start your path towards financial freedom.
My background in the financial industry has provided me some interesting insight and views on how to think about money. I wasn’t a financial advisor, however, which is why I haven’t brought up the financial discussion on this show. That ends today.
As the tides of change come in, our ability to make effective decisions in a short time frame is becoming more important than ever.
Now is a time of learning, with businesses, society, communities and our own identities facing questions and change.
It's always a good time to learn. Now, especially, is a great time to learn. Sean Froudist-Walsh is an Irish neuroscientist in New York who shares how to tap your brain to learn more effectively.
We all hear that we should just “focus on what we can control” and everything will be fine. It’s a positive psychology-type of mentality that is helpful for some - but to just leave it at that leaves a lot out. We assume we know what we can control.
Isolation and solitude are the name of the game in a triathlon. That's never more evident than when you hit a "dark place" close to the finish.
Patrick Flynn is a playwright, actor, professor, host of the Original Cast Podcast and casual vexillologist (look it up), among many other things.
Happy April!
I hope and trust that this post finds you well. Change has been the watchword of recent times; our ability to adapt has been strongly tested, and will continue to be tested in the coming weeks.
Today, I am continuing with my interviews of Irish Bellwethers. If you recall, my March podcasts were all set up to highlight Irish leaders in different industries, but then some kind of pandemic had to get in the middle of it, and I had to postpone two of the guests. I don’t know who to complain to about that, but once I figure it out I’m writing a strongly-worded letter.
Fortunately for you, pandemics won’t stop me from highlighting this week’s Irish Bellwether, because one of her specialties is understanding the psychology of and adapting to change. It’s one of her specialties because not only can she teach it, she has experienced it as well.
Catherine Norris is an Irish entrepreneur and the Irish executive coach. She has a truly unique perspective, influenced by her background in the arts, law, education and tourism. She has done it all: Started a dance school. Studied Psychology. And she has studied Anthropology. And she reads academic journals for fun. She is, put simply, a person you want on your team.
I’ve now known Catherine for about six months, and conversations typically begin lightly (as in, how is your day?) and roller coaster to the end with her giving me a verbal dissertation on the neuroscience behind offering my daughter an extra cookie.
What I'm trying to say is that I learn something from Catherine every time I speak with her which, to a guy who likes to pretend he knows everything, is pretty damn impressive.
I loved the interview; she shared so much of what she has learned as an entrepreneur, educator and coach. One aspect that will ring true for many of you is her simple lesson: to be successful, you must continually articulate your vision.
As we deal with change, your vision will have to change with it. For organizations to survive, that vision will have to be created, articulated and communicated consistently.
Catherine is a rock star and one of the smartest people I’ve met. To learn more, you can reach out to her at catherine@bellwetherhub.com. Enjoy!
Catherine and Jim at Gotham Podcast Studios
function do_resize(){
var width=jQuery( '.wpsm_panel .wpsm_panel-body iframe' ).width(); var height=jQuery( '.wpsm_panel .wpsm_panel-body iframe' ).height();
var toggleSize = true; jQuery('iframe').animate({ width: toggleSize ? width : 640, height: toggleSize ? height : 360 }, 250);
toggleSize = !toggleSize; }
This week’s podcast is a focus on communication - and your responsibility as a communicator - in the “working from home” era.
As we pivot our lives to be almost exclusively behind a video screen, it’s important to remember that your reputation is driven by the way that you communicate through the medium.
We all have a multiple platforms to communicate - e-mail, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc. And we all have constant information that we are able to communicate. To “share” information has become second nature to us - we get inundated, we filter, and we pass it on to others.
But I ask people to take a quick pause and think through our responsibility as sharers and communicators. The information we share, and the way that we do it with tone and sentiment, requires a responsibility to do it wisely.
There are two aspects I cover on the podcast - accuracy of communication and tone of communication. Both are vital. It comes down to a fundamental communication model - a picture of which is here:
First, there is our responsibility of passing along accurate information and taking the time to curate it in order to ensure that the people who receive the information get it the way you intended. We are so focused on “sharing” information that we don’t take the time to think about how it will be received.
You don’t have to be the message creator for this to impact you. Each story your share, each meme you post, is part of your communication to the world. The information you share is part of your communication story, and thus your reputation.
Second, our responsibility is to do it in a way that is supportive to the people around us. As we get increasingly isolated during Corona, and as the disease evolves, our stress levels will increase. Money problems, loved ones getting sick, and just plain isolation increase our nervousness.
In times of stress, we have a tendency to put other people down so we can either feel superior to something or feel like we have some semblance of control. It’s why we see so many political discussions on Facebook - we are stressed and it’s easy to attack someone else’s ideas. Don’t fall into that trap.
I tell a quick story on the podcast of my career working in communications for a financial firm during the 2008 crisis. The lessons are extremely prudent today. I encourage you to think through your image, your reputation and your responsibility as a sharer of information today.
Thanks and enjoy your week!
function do_resize(){
var width=jQuery( '.wpsm_panel .wpsm_panel-body iframe' ).width(); var height=jQuery( '.wpsm_panel .wpsm_panel-body iframe' ).height();
var toggleSize = true; jQuery('iframe').animate({ width: toggleSize ? width : 640, height: toggleSize ? height : 360 }, 250);
toggleSize = !toggleSize; }
Happy Corona Week/Month/Quarter.
Things seem to be changing faster than any of us can keep count. Life has been turned upside down, which was fun for a hot minute until things got even crazier.
We have a two year old. My wife is full time employed, I’m self employed. We are all working from home - Gabby on her work, me on mine, Isabelle on Frozen 2. I’m not balding - but if the next eight weeks go as well as the past two days - I will be by April.
In stressful times, I like to go on a long run. It’s where I do my best thinking; I get to go into my own head and have a nice, little, split personality conversation with myself. The people on the trail think I’m crazy, but whatever, I can run faster than them.
My “thinking running” helps me gain perspective. I’m able to jump back and forth between big picture and me picture; separating problems I can solve from circumstances I need to respond to. And on this run, my perspective was focused on what I needed to do to make it through eight weeks of isolation (or whatever this ends up being).
Last year, I organized my thoughts on wellness. I gave an overview, and then detailed episodes on the three components: physical, mental and social. I was pretty proud of it - and it’s a model I use all of the time. I went through the checklist on my run. Here's a fun, fancy picture I drew:
Go back and read more on the details - of each if you are looking for definition, but this is how I operate at my best.
I’m out of whack because my wellness routine was out of whack. When something isn’t clicking for me - I go through the checklist. And I realized that for many people, such a major disruption for your routine is going to smack us upside the wellness category.
Cabin fever and depression are no joke. Fortunately, we are able to go for walks around the block (for now). As a coach, I have a career of helping people adapt and adjust to change. While it's primarily in a strategic, business-focused work setting and way, the facts remain: your home is now your office, and you are responsibility for delivering your best work from home. That starts with you. So with that, I want to help you re-visit your wellness.
Now, I can’t tell you how to tackle these things for you - only you can. A recommendation to just “go for a walk” is worthless if you have a broken leg. But from a macro-visual perspective, I would encourage everyone to give some thought to the three areas below, and what you can do to hit all cylinders.
We are in an unusual, uncomfortable time. And in order to respond at our best, we have to make sure all of these items are working in tandem. It takes work, focus and an effort to be intentional, from physical to mental to social. It’s important to think through what works for you in each of the below areas.
More details are on the podcast - but here are my points for being “well” in isolation.
Physical Wellness
The three components here are diet, fitness and sleep, and the key reminder is to be intentional. You need all three to be in good operation. When diet struggles, so do fitness and sleep (and vice versa). If you eat right and do something active, your sleep is better. It’s the circle of life, Simba.
Here are some individual points to remember on physical:
Diet: tends to go to shit in times of stress. If you are like me, you overeat when stressed or bored. Eating well requires focus, and intentionally planning/preparing your 2-3 meals is vitally important. I’ve cut out snacking completely simply because I know I will balloon if I don’t.
Fitness: There is no reason why you shouldn’t be starting a fitness regimen right now. Something as simple as walking the block will pay dividends. The sun is a major help, and having micro-interactions with other people out walking (those little hellos) reminds us we are connected to something bigger. If outside can’t work, there are plenty of free yoga and bodyweight videos online.
Sometimes I reflect on the massive amounts of ways that I have changed over the past 40 years, and it blows my mind. 30 years ago, I was jazzed by baseball. 20 years ago, I was jazzed by the pub. Now, I’m jazzed about learning and how people read books. I suppose the “coolness” of that journey is fairly subjective, and some might call it maturity, but whatever we call it - it’s quite the journey.
In my monthly series highlighting Irish bellwethers, we bring our focus to Patrick McAndrew - founder of The Bowery Common. Patrick is committed to changing the way we learn. I met Patrick through a mutual colleague, and after a cup of coffee all I wanted to do was go off and learn something new. And it wasn’t because of the caffeine.
Influencers of change and leaders take many forms, and sometimes they come in the form of a person who questions the way we do things - like learning. Many of us were taught how to learn in a very specific way: in desks, by memorization and routine, and then stepping back and applying it to larger concepts. Patrick argues that it’s backwards.
Learning concepts, and then the detail, not only makes learning easier, but keeps it in our longer-term memory. From learning new languages to new skills - focusing on “cognitive development,” rather than just the steps to do something, will fundamentally change how you approach work, learning and the future.
I often speak about how the economy and the workplace is changing. We know that job roles are evolving, and the routine work is being replaced by algorithms and technology. For those of us who wish to remain relevant, we have to change the way we approach work and adjust ourselves to think more conceptually - beyond the basic steps in what needs to get done.
Businesses are already working full time to stay relevant, so they aren’t going to wait for you to catch up. The responsibility is our own, and as the onus shifts to us to control our own learning and development, it’s time to question how we do that. Patrick has the solution.
From the way we read books (sometimes you should read the ending first), to watching a TV show to learn a language (gestures teach as much as grammar), it calls into question many of the habits we have today. It’s unnerving, but exciting, and certainly fun to think about.
Patrick McAndrew in action ...
Patrick is brilliant, and his interview is great. Give it a listen, and hit up his YouTube channel for more!
Patrick McAndrew is the founder of The Bowery Common, a professional development organization that maximizes the mental performance of teams and organizations. Patrick has worked with over 600 professionals from medicine, finance, and academia to sharpen their thinking, better their learning, and deepen their memory.
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTh0pC413XlrZNc8VFen8Vw
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrickmcandrewonline/
On the InterWebs: thebowerycommon.com
function do_resize(){
var width=jQuery( '.wpsm_panel .wpsm_panel-body iframe' ).width(); var height=jQuery( '.wpsm_panel .wpsm_panel-body iframe' ).height();
var toggleSize = true; jQuery('iframe').animate({ width: toggleSize ? width : 640, height: toggleSize ? height : 360 }, 250);
toggleSize = !toggleSize; }
Few places have gone through the type of change that Belfast has experienced in the past 50 years. Former Mayor Máirtín Ó Muilleoir offers his perspective on the opportunities ahead for a great city.
We all talk about what we want a work environment to be - but psychological safety is the wrapper that makes it work.
Why can't anyone seem to get good feedback at the office? It's because we are so focused on "frameworks" and not a conversation ...
This week’s podcast is for “the people.”
Many organizations bring me in to work with their “high potential” employees (hi-po for short); those people who are seen as the future leadership of the firm with a lot of potential. I, along with my partners, offer coaching, individually and as a group, and put together leadership programs specific to them and their company’s needs. We accomplish a lot, we get great reviews, and we are excellent at what we do.
This week isn’t about that.
It’s about the other huge segment of people at the company who I really love to work with, and I call them “The Other Hi-Po” … or hidden potential. These are the people that don’t get the full force of the company’s support, might feel misaligned or frustrated with their organization, and float around from one organization to another without really tapping into something meaningful and engaging.
In my corporate career, I was very much a hidden potential.
I was very capable in my role. I was always “picked first” for new projects. I had great working relationships across the entire organization. My employees loved working for me. My problem, which I now know, was always one person: my manager. And the reason they were my problem was because of me - I was a difficult person to manage. And when you are a difficult person to manage, your manager might not be the best person to speak up for you when new leadership roles arise.
We work crazy hours in the corporate world - many of us spend more waking hours at the office than at home. It’s impossible for work to not be a part of your identity. And when we don’t align our work with who we are as an individual, and don’t embrace our identity paired with work, we can become resentful, frustrated and begin to look elsewhere for our next focus.
Managing a hidden potential and being a hidden potential are two sides of the same coin. What we all want at the office is recognition for our contribution. We also want power. Those two are big time drivers for people who want to get ahead, and the easy way to envision that is by managing a team.
But recognition and power take many forms. Not everyone can be a manager, but in most of my experiences, managers generally aren’t the most powerful people in the room. Buy re-aligning your work with your identity, and bringing a recognized power to the office (as in your best self), things will change.
From personal experience and from coaching other hidden potential people, the responsibility for your frustration and challenges at work begin and end with you. If you wait for someone else to fix it, it’s not going to happen.
Investing in yourself, finding the power in your own identity, and showcasing that in the office will catapult you through the organization when done the right way. I’ve seen it happen.
There is power in hidden potential. Tapping into that and discovering what’s hidden from you, your co-workers and management can light a fire in growth.
Happy week and be productive!
Just hearing the term “micromanager” makes my skin crawl. I have flashbacks to late nights in the office, constant revisions of pointless e-mails, and lovely reminders of why I left the corporate life. In fact, while working on this week’s post and podcast, my two year old daughter happened to drop her first “F” bomb. I believe they may be related.
We hate micromanagement - no secret there. It’s ubiquitous with the frustration of corporate life; and when we think of all the reasons we dislike a job or look to move, having a micromanager is typically at the top of the list.
It’s become so ubiquitous, in fact, that many of us just accept the fact that it’s there, and we don’t go beyond and try to understand it. But through understanding, and a different perspective, we might be able to deal with that boss that drives us up a wall - or change the way that we are managing our own people.
Why We Hate It
There aren’t many surprises in the research on micromanagement - it shows we don’t like it. The challenge with it is that we are pairing “process” and “emotion;” two fundamentally very different aspects to work life.
Processes have no emotion - they are steps in getting something done. Yet we internalize them, and when we are corrected, we take it personally; we feel belittled, and our emotions affect our ability to respond appropriately. Often times, what we consider micromanagement has nothing to do with us at all.
A Macro View of MicroManagement
So let’s take a “macro” view of micromanagement. Each individual situation is different, so preaching how to handle your particular micromanager is a pointless exercise. But as I like to ask questions, I’ll pose a few to you in order to help you think through what it is you are actually dealing with.
When I think of micromanagement, I think of four buckets that could be causing the issue:
Neuroticism or insecurity on the part of the manager - We don’t always know what a manager is dealing with. The pressure to perform, especially when in a new role, could be the driver behind this style of management. In some instances, a manager can grow out of it as they get more comfortable in their role - it just takes time.
High performers like things their own way - In many organizations, the high performers are the first promoted. The problem is, high performance in the field doesn’t translate to successful people managing. Many high performers either know what it took for them to be successful and want to instill it in others, or they have difficulty giving up control as they evolve from a “me” person to a “team” person in management.
Our brains work differently - I mentioned above that micromanagement covers emotions and process. Well, each of us has a brain preference for one or the other. Some individuals are “process” people, where they are big on how things get done, while others are “people” people, who are big on who gets that thing done. These people clash ALL of the time, simply because they communicate and prioritize differently. Fortunately for many - this is easily coached (so call me.)
Lessons of Machiavelli - What I hear the most when coaching someone through dealing with a micromanager is something along these lines: “They just feel threatened by me because I’m so talented and amazing.” (not always in those exact words). Look - it may be possible, but often times it’s not. Most people are so busy with their own agendas that they aren’t paying that much attention to the people behind them (not a good thing, by the way).
As an FYI, and a counter argument - in some instances micromanagement is a good thing. Having certain processes, systems and procedures in place, in certain industries, are vital to the success of the company and employees. So before you attack your micromanager, think through that aspect as well.
Strategies to Deal
So that’s a big, macro, theoretical view of micromanagement.
We love helping people. The psychological benefits are well known; we feel rewarded and valued; we like being needed and being the hero, the savior and the champ. It’s … nice.
Unfortunately - all of those descriptions are about the benefits for YOU, not the person being helped. And there is a nuance to helping, where the reward, value and feelings of heroism need to be pushed to the back, and we need to be reminded that in order to properly help other people - the focus purely needs to be on them, not us, and they have to do a lot of the work.
Beyond the fundamental aspects of helping others, there is a science. Helping people, and I mean PROPERLY helping people (not just dictating your opinions), requires a framework and guidelines. Fortunately for all of us - there are people who study this stuff. (Recommended reading: Helping by Edgar Schein).
Most of the advice we receive we don’t take. And the reason we don’t take it is because it’s coming from the perspective of the person giving it. And for a person that is being helped, we have to put the choices through our own lenses, with our own perspectives, and then we have to live the choices we make. Nobody else can make our decisions for us.
So What’s Needed?
We need a framework to help other people. And the guiding light to the framework is an understanding that in order to help people, we need to create an environment where the person helping and the person being helped have equal footing. Both need to be a part of the question, albeit with different roles and obligations.
With that in mind, there are three things you need in place to offer your help:
Recognize: Every person is resourceful. No matter who you help, there needs to be a recognition of and expectation that they are resourceful and have value. A person’s problem is their own problem - and they have internal resources to fix it. Expecting them to do so, and recognizing their capability in doing so, leads to accountability on their end.
Understand: Your role. Once you recognize a person’s resourcefulness, your role as a helper is to develop that resourcefulness through questions, support and challenge. That’s it. Unsolicited advice isn’t going to cut it. You are a guide, and the person being helped will push it.
Allow: The person being helped to set the agenda. They are the ones with the resources and full story. Let them drive the conversation and bring everything they can to the table. For a person to truly be helped, they have to bring what they are working on. Again, you can’t dictate what a person needs help on (despite your opinions).
These three aspects of helping allow for accountability and nurture commitment. Properly helping others requires patience and time. It requires curiosity and a belief in the capability of others. We say that one of the greatest gifts we can give other people is our time - and that includes patiently shutting the hell up while they figure things out on their own.
It’s one of the most effective managerial strategies out there. Think about it, and how you are currently helping people today.
Have a great week!
I speak often on the speed of change, and the challenges that come with it. And if my recent posts are any indication, I have a belief that responding to the speed of change, and putting ourselves in a position to be flexible, is one of the most important ways we can be successful.
Many clients of mine are thrust into challenging environments where success is a tall mountain to climb. Executives have only one or two quarters to make a difference, companies turn over teams in an effort to be more agile and flexible, and the slightest diversion from a laid out plan can lead to fundamental changes in direction for an entire firm.
Long story, put shortly: Now, more than ever, we need help. Recognize it, admit it, and get over it.
Everyone needs help, and none of us like asking for it. And help is wide-ranging - it could encompass serious mental health issues, or it could be as silly as the best way to reheat pizza (oven, by the way). Regardless of the level of help we need, not asking for it impacts our ability to be ourselves, to be successful and to get to where we need to go.
We are irrational in our fear of help. We have a fear of being viewed as a failure, or of being socially rejected, when in reality the most successful executives that I work with are the ones who have tackled how to ask for help with finesse. It’s a skill - one that is rarely, if ever, on a person’s list of “things upon which to improve.”
But in the right context, and done the right way, properly asking for help will lead to more opportunities and better outcomes.
Like any other skill, it takes practice. We have to get used to asking for help. On the podcast this week, I cover psychological safety, one of the bigger buzzwords in the corporate circles these days. Research is coming in and shows that allowing individuals to ask questions, share feelings, embrace vulnerability, and ask for help is what separates the successful teams from others.
People like helping others - it gives us a high. When other people have the opportunity to help you, it solidifies social bonds and actually improves relationships. To properly ask for help we need to embrace the need for advice, and welcome it with open arms.
Test it out. I’m sure that if you sat for a minute and thought about something that you haven’t been making progress on, you can find an area where you need help. Help could be an explanation or a push in the right direction. See how it feels to build on your relationships and continue to make progress.
With that - have a great week!
I’ve been ranting and raving about goals and change and resolutions and all kinds of fun stuff for 2020. And you can’t blame me - new year, new decade, new rules and new excitement. So much excitement, in fact, that I just may pee my pants.
But I wanted to step back and go to the basics. Often times, when people get on their soapboxes like I’m wont to do, we jump over some fundamental basic items that we just take for granted. Kind of like the two things needed to make any type of goal or change.
Goals, accomplishment and motivation are my business. And I’m good at it. If there is an end state you are trying to reach - I am the person you want to chat about it with. And with all of the people I work with, and with all of the goals I’ve set for myself, I have found that there are two consistent requirements for hitting your goals: Intention and Consistency.
Simple, yet difficult. Those are just words. And in order for words to be effective, we have to give them context and detail. So let’s do that.
Intention For a goal to be accomplished, we need to be intentional in picking the right goal for us. In order to do that, we need to hit to go through a few steps:
Explain your why - this is fundamental. Understand why this is the goal for you. In explaining the why, you may find that there is a bigger or more specific goal that needs to be accomplished.
Be specific in your language - Positive psychology research dictates that using specific language that is positive focused vs. negative focused helps change our mindset to accomplishing a goal. So rather than say, “I want to lose weight,” we would say, “I will eat three servings of vegetables at each meal to improve my overall health.”
Pick a new behavior, don’t drop an old one - Old habits die hard - so stop trying to change them. Rather than “stopping” a bad behavior, replace it with a new one. Eventually, that new behavior will take over the old.
Align with your value set - We all value different things, and sometimes our goals don’t align with something we value. I mean, if you really valued fitness, you wouldn’t need to make fitness goals. But maybe you value something like family - can you take your family on a hike? When you intertwine a goal with your value set, you are more likely to be successful.
Consistency Now that you are intentional, it’s time to be consistent. No change or goal will happen overnight. Losing weight, getting a promotion, launching a business - all of these take an investment of time over a period of time. It’s a lot of work.
There is a model that some people use - I don’t know who invented it but it helps to showcase the consistency part of it. It’s called the 3-6-5 model. You pick 3 goals, do them for 6 weeks, for 5 days a week.
It may not solve everything - but it will put you on a pretty decent path towards your end. It’s a great reminder that change, and goals, require patience and realistic view of what’s accomplishable over a time period.
Recognize that change is hard. But it’s possible. Disrupting your routine is uncomfortable - both for you and potentially the people around you. But when we are intentional, and picking what’s best for us, we can reach any potential goal through a consistent investment and focus.
And with that - have a happy week!
This week I’m looking to be painfully blunt.
The majority of my job is to help organizations and people plan. One of my gifted skills is the ability to see many things that could go wrong, and in turn plan for them. Maybe it’s my way of becoming a superhero - get people to worry, and help them find a solution.
Getting you to worry
Much has been made of technology, AI, and the future of work, especially in the past few years. While nobody can predict the future, we know that technology will impact the way we work. No, a robot won’t take your job in a corner office, but algorithms and AI will disrupt your industry and potentially cause significant consolidation (see Schwab buying TD Ameritrade). It’s time to think about how moves like this will impact you.
Most of my corporate clients are preparing for a recession. Bonuses are being cut, hiring is being stalled, and there is a general feeling that a difficult period is around the bend. We can’t predict timing, but eventually it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - so you can expect it.
Here is why this is important.
For the first time, we have enough technology in place to disrupt the white collar workers.
It happens all the time - companies merging or being acquired. Layoffs of “redundant personnel.” But this isn’t just the elimination of a company or a job - entire roles are going away.
Here is what traditionally happens in a recession: people lose their jobs, they spend time looking around for a new one, and they eventually get a similar job at another company. So … a bookseller at Borders might end up at Barnes and Noble. An accountant at Wells Fargo may end up at Bank of America. A business manager for Walgreens might go over to CVS.
Industry shuffles, network grows, life goes on.
What’s different today is that when this recession comes, the roles that are eliminated are being taken out across multiple companies. When Verizon eliminates operational role - that role is also being eliminated at Comcast, AT&T, T-Mobile, Sprint (by the way - they are merging).
And with the merger, they only need one management structure. You don’t need two managing directors of accounting. You don’t need two global CFOs. Your options have dwindled. And my fear for many people is that they are going to enter 2021 or 2022 in a situation where they haven’t prepared, aren’t positioned to navigate this new world.
Finding your solution
But fret not! I worry you and then I tell you the solution! It’s simple, but isn’t easy.
Your solution takes an investment of time and energy in you. Think of this as your 2020 project - how do you position yourself for a year from now?
It’s time to answer the questions on your skillset and your value. It’s time to learn how to articulate your skillset and value, because you may be transferring them from one industry to another. It’s time to build your network (they are your safety net). It’s time to take just those one or two steps that put you ahead of your peers. It’s not a lot of work - just an investment in time.
The future is unpredictable, sure, but the fact that some kind of change is coming is not. We may not have all of the details, but we can do just the bare minimum that won’t leave us flat footed when the time comes. It’s uncomfortable, and we like to ignore the future for more pressing “in the moment” things, but this is one way to spend your time that will pay dividends in the future.
And, shameless plug, you may want to hire a coach for this type of work. Ahem.
Happy week!
It’s the big day - a new year. It fascinates me that we are already at 2020.
For many people, I know the feeling they are having right now - the regret of making a New Year’s Resolution. It’s so easy to talk about doing so many things, and now it’s time to take action.
As I mentioned a few weeks ago in my podcast, a new year is just a pivot point - an opportunity to reflect on where you are on your journey and how you can take action to move forward.
This is a decade of possibility. You have a month, a year, a decade to do whatever in the hell it is that you want. It will take work, but it’s your work.
Financial independence? It’s in your grasp. New career? Fit body? All in your grasp. It will take grunts, grit, and consistent focus - but it’s there, and it’s possible. The question to ask yourself is, what are you willing to sacrifice to get there?
I often hear at the end of a year people talking about how they need to “wash this year off and start a new one.” I used to like that phrase, until I realized it was the same people saying that every December. And when I thought more about it, many of those people aren’t willing to make the change they need to stop having to say that year after year.
In this decade of possibility, you have your choices. You don’t just have the time and opportunity to work towards something - you also have the accountability.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but a cathartic one as well, to recognize that you are the one responsible for your choices. You are the one that dictates where you go each day, month and year. Yes, society and life throw circumstances your way - but you are the one ultimately responding.
You may not like some of the decisions you have to make, and they may be very difficult ones, especially in terms of relationships and who you spend your time with. But these are all decisions and reflections to be had as you sit and think about where it is that you want to be at the end of 2020, or on this day in 2030.
So remember - this is your decade. And the new rule is that there are no rules. When you take rules away, the possibilities are endless. It’s a slightly frightening notion for the new year, no? :)
Happy New Year!
As we have put a wrap on 2019, it’s now time to focus on the possibility and opportunity that looms in 2020. Each December I set out to create my goals for the next year - and align my focus on what’s important to me and where I want to go over the next 365 days. It’s one of my favorite things to do - unbridled imagination of what’s possible and dreaming.
I’ve never been a fan of creating resolutions - simply because they don’t work. They live and die within a moment of hope, and when the rubber has to meet the road, we drop off. Gym memberships go unused, books unread, misaligned priorities failed. And the reason they fail is because they don’t align with our priorities and our values. If the resolutions were that important to us, we would be doing them already.
But that’s not to say a resolution doesn’t have value. Resolutions are generally a recognition that something needs to change. And when we are creating our goals for the next year, it could be a good place to start.
Last week I talked about how we have changed over the past twelve months. The person you are today is not the person who kicked off the year. And it’s a good place to start as you plan your goals for twelve months from today. Who is the person you are looking to become?
Vision … Priority … Action
Once we define our vision of who we want to be, it’s time to prioritize and take action. And that’s an important step to remember. An annual goal or resolution is ultimately a reflection of your priorities. Which priorities need adjustment? It’s an exercise in identifying what you can control and how you can implement the change you wish to see.
It takes levels of thought and reflection. Goals like hitting the gym or spending more time with family are nice, but you need to ask yourself why. What is the deeper desire driving it? How does it align with your values? How will these goals and priorities help you become the person you want to be come next December?
Using Gratitude to Help
The holidays are a busy time, for sure, but it’s also a time where people tend to be gracious, grateful, reflective and open. It’s a great time to meet new people and to effect change. There is a science to gratitude that shows a relationship between a “gratitude mindset” and goal setting. When we are in a “gratitude mindset,” it’s a time when our values and the things most meaningful to us are most prevalent.
So as I think forward to next year - I encourage you to challenge yourself with good questions on what’s possible. Think through those values and priorities that will help you get to where you want to be in a year. No matter how frivolous or odd your goals are - they are your goals.
Adversity will be there, but it’s easier to overcome when our goals and priorities are aligned with our values. You have the capability; you have the desire. Now you just need to prioritize.
And - bonus point - if you get this done early enough, you can share it with those people closest to you that you see around the holidays - their support will make it that much easier.
Happy holidays, best wishes for a kick ass 2020, and I look forward to hearing about all you accomplish!
It’s almost time that we put a wrap on 2019, toss it into the memory bin and focus on going forward. We have evolved another year, which is long or short depending on how you look at it.
At the end of a year, it’s a good pivot point to ask yourself the important questions of where you are and where you want to be on your journey. If we are lucky, we get about 80 or so of these pivot points, and considering that many of us are at least half way there, it’s important to take it seriously.
When we look back on the year, there are two buckets of questions that we should be asking. The first bucket is reflective (what did I do?) and the second bucket is forward looking (how do I build on this and go forward?).
Annual questions are big ones. They allow us to take bigger stock of what we are doing and accomplishing and separate the forest from the trees. How much have you evolved in the past year, when you think back to the person you were in January? The evolution gets bigger and bigger the more I think about it. When I started my list of things for 2019, I found I kept going back to it a week later to add more.
The reason is that we forget all that we do. And we forget the reasons why we didn’t do some of the things we set out to. It comes down to priority. And our priorities change. The person you are today is going to be making very different choices than the person you were a year ago. And that’s a good thing.
My year was incredible - I turned 40, completed an Ironman, launched Bellwether and the podcast, gave up drinking, served with the Irish Business Organization, had my best business year and had great family moments (among many other things).
I’m super proud of all of that. But behind the surface, there were a lot of things that I didn’t accomplish this year that I had wanted to. I’m now in the process of reflecting on their priority and seeing if they should be on my list for 2020. The question of why they didn’t get done leads to important decision thoughts for later. Again, priorities.
Here are just some of the questions I ask myself at the end of each year:
Was I the person I wanted to be? What did I accomplish that I set out to do? What didn’t I accomplish that I set out to do? How come?How do I build on both of these for next year?Is there any priority that comes off my list?What did I learn this year? What do I need to adjust going forward?How can I take all of this information and improve going forward?
It’s a lot of reflection. It’s a lot of work. But when you sit on the train, or commute to the office, or sit in the doctor’s office - noodle these around. You’ll be surprised with what you learned and how much you have changed in just 365 days. It’s exciting to think about.
Next week, I’ll cover how to take what you learned and use them to prepare your 2020 goals (don’t make resolutions - they don’t work). More to come in the future … so stay tuned!
I feel like a zen master with that title.
We are coming up on the end of the year; the time to be reflective, take stock of what we have accomplished, and plan for all that we hope to accomplish in the coming year. And in order to make this time truly effective, there is one primary area on which we should focus: the questions we are asking.
We don’t think about questions. They just exist - like nouns, verbs and Pauly Shore. When I ask my clients to define what a question is, they give a variety of answers that don’t quite ecompass the purpose of questioning. A question, to define it, is a request for information where you legitimately don’t know the answer.
This year I’ve spoken often about the value of learning and entering situations with a “learning mindset.” It’s not my unique idea; there’s plenty of information out there on it. But, from what I have experienced over the years, there is no better way to get past any challenge that comes my way.
And in order to have a learning mindset, we need to eliminate assumptions. A tall order, for sure, but the way to do that is to ask a good question.
I think back to corporate life and how often people were told to work on “listening skills.” That’s nice, but they are irrelevant if we are not asking the right questions. I think also of all the questions people did ask during meetings or over e-mail, dripping with sarcasm, agenda or snark. These aren’t questions - they are judgmental statements.
We do it in our home life as well. Over time, we create assumptions. Due to the Principle of Least Effort, we know that our brains will take every opportunity to work as lightly as possible. So it jumps over details. Those details become assumptions, and in doing so, we fill the gaps with our own perspective, and that affects how we interact with people.
The questions we are asking ourselves are impactful to our own learning about ourselves. Over the next two weeks I’ll cover the questions to ask yourself to recap your year and to plan for the new year. Your capability, your growth, your levels of accomplishment and happiness and joy and sparkles are all a reflection of the questions you ask yourself.
No judgment, pure curiosity. You’ll be shocked at what you can learn about yourself.
If I can recommend some books on the topic, I’d say the two best on questions that I have read are: Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams and The Art of the Focused Conversation by The Institute of Cultural Affairs. Happy reading!
Last week we talked about the value and purpose of a network. The point of networking is to build a community; a group of people who best represent who you are and can help you grow as an individual.
Our network should be designed to motivate us, get us moving and help us be successful.
We all have a network in place. And a good network is powerful. Each person we know in turn knows many others. Each person in our network is in a position to recommend us to other people. They are our personal PR team - focused on laying the groundwork for a good introduction.
You’d be amazed at who your network knows. When I chat with my network, I learn that they know professional athletes, actors, senior business executives and entrepreneurs. Think for a moment about the most impressive people you know. Now think about how each of them can help each other.
Knowing people is “nice.” But what about when you need something? How do you leverage the expertise in your network to help you get to another level? The details are simple: focus on being both intentional and specific.
In order to make a request of anyone in our network, we have to be intentional in laying the “groundwork” for the ask. Leveraging any relationship requires equity. Don’t expect people to move mountains for you when you just meet them. There needs to be a mutual respect and understanding of how people can help you. We like to help people if they can help us as well.
When making your ask, be specific. Your network needs to understand how to help you. Have you properly articulated to others the details of what you are looking for? Your growth, and accomplishment, is significantly easier if other people can speak for you. Eliminate your acronyms, speak in plain detail, and most of your work will be done for you.
Finally, be open to new ways of thinking. Again - your network is a phenomenal representation of who you are. And you need people who think differently to challenge your best self. If your network isn’t getting you to think differently about your business, or who you are, then work needs to be done in finding those different perspectives. Why include anyone in your network that doesn’t challenge the way you think?
We are a result of the people closest to us. We want to help other people. Pick your network well, and they will make your life, business, choices and growth that much easier.
Happy week - enjoy it. For those in the States - have a tremendous Thanksgiving. And if there is anyone I can help network - just reach out!
Welcome to the holiday season. With Halloween behind us, and Costco selling Christmas trees, it’s important to think about doing something for yourself during the holidays: Networking.
The holidays are the perfect time to network. There are plenty of opportunities for parties and meetups, uber amounts of people getting together in one place, and everyone feels generous and wants to help out. The table is set.
The challenge is that most people don’t like networking. They don’t like it because it tends to be anxiety-inducing and a massive chore. However, with a recession looming and the need for solid relationships growing, people can skip networking at their peril. What is refreshing, though, is that networking can be simple if we think about it in the right way.
People make two big mistakes when networking - which is what’s driving the anxiety. First, people wait to network until they need something. Second, they try to sell to the people standing in front of them.
Network on a High
Your network is about relationships, and building good, long-term ones. To hold off networking until you need something doesn’t allow you to build the relationship equity you need in order to have someone help you. Those networking when it’s “too late,” (lost a job, need new clients) give off a desperation air that will make potential contacts uncomfortable.
Much of the advice you get when trying to learn how to network is that you should do so with confidence. Much easier said than done. But when you think about it, we are most confident when things are going well. That makes it the perfect time to meet new people. It gives us the best reflection of ourselves, and gives other people the confidence to refer you for a job or new client.
Don’t Sell to the People In Front of You
The other big mistake people make is trying to sell to the people in front of them, or ignoring people that don’t fit their “sales mode.” It’s extremely short-sighted. If a sale comes up in the moment - that’s fine, great, added bonus. But the real focus of adding someone to your network is to meet the people that they know.
I met a liquor salesperson at a networking event once. We chatted briefly, and he cut it short because “he couldn’t sell to an executive coach” and went looking for a potential sale. But if we had continued the conversation, he would have known that I know more than a few bar owners, and have lots of friends and relatives in the liquor distribution business (that means bartender, FYI). I’m Irish in New York, for the sake of Pete.
Everyone knows at least a thousand people. And for each person you add to your list, they know a thousand people. So if you met five new people at a networking event, they could potentially introduce you to five thousand people. Those are the people you want to meet and sell to, and it makes it much easier when you have an introduction.
We put too much pressure on ourselves when we network. I found it cathartic when all of this started to make sense - that I can now go into a networking event with no pressure; just the desire to meet new people and learn about what they are looking for. I’m happy to make introductions when I can, because what good is a network if you can’t use it to help other people?
Next week I’ll be covering how to make an ask of your network … so I’ll put up more then! Have a great week!
This past weekend I took the plunge and made the psychotic attempt to run an Ironman. I finished (over 14 hours later), and am thrilled that the anxiety of an unknown mountain is behind me. I’m happy I did it, more happy it's over, and further details on my experience are in the podcast (player below). That said, here are a few of the big learnings I took away from the weekend.
First, Anyone can do it.
Training and preparing for an Ironman takes a ton of work, but anyone can do it. Completion takes commitment and desire; that’s it. I saw some people doing it with prosthetic legs; others were all kinds of ages and shapes and sizes. Everyone is different, and everyone has their own time.
But that’s part of the secret to finishing an Ironman - it’s “your” time, not anyone else’s. Focusing on you, and what you need to finish the race, is the only thing that matters as people whiz by you. Which brings me to learning number two.
It’s a mental event.
People talk about the physical challenges of completing an Ironman, but it’s really a mental game, on two fronts. One, and this is fundamental, in order to complete an Ironman you have to believe that you can do it. You are drawing on your capability, your belief that you can put one more step in front of the other. That’s what you build on to complete the race
Second, you have to stay in your lane. Once you believe you can do it, you have to block out everyone else. Everyone is running their own race in their own time. They have different backgrounds, did different training. One person may be on their first Ironman, another on their fiftieth. If someone blows by you on the bike, good for them. Recognizing what you need, and not anyone else, is what gets you to the finish line.
These mental items are the same for everything else, whether you are starting a business, writing a book, or trying out a new initiative. By focusing on you, and what you need, and recognizing that you are capable of great and crazy things, you are able to take the steps needed to accomplish anything.
It’s not a peak.
Philosophically speaking, an Ironman isn’t “who you are,” it’s a step along the way. It’s a part of your evolution. We can all set crazy goals, accomplish them, and that becomes part of the person who moves on to the next item.
And when I think of Ironman like that, it’s now a part of me, and a part of the person who will try some other outrageous item (A book? New business? Who knows?). That, to me, is what’s most exciting.
We can all make crazy goals, but what’s thrilling and most astounding to me is that we are capable of reaching them. It’s an exciting prospect to challenge ourselves, fight through a bit of pain, and come out the other end as a finisher. I’ll be using this high to make the remainder of the year a bit more productive, and I hope to encourage you to challenge yourself in 2020!
Note: If you are thinking of doing an Ironman (or other smaller event), feel free to reach out and I’m happy to share my training program, or just chat through the random questions people may have.
With my buddy Larry at the end ...
At Bellwether, we prefer to learn from the best.
And when it comes to mindfulness, focus and performing under pressure, you find the best on one of the most intimidating stages in the world: the New York Philharmonic.
Richard Deane, Principal French Horn for the NY Phil, executes with graceful detail in front of one of the most fastidious and discriminating audiences that exist (classical music fans). And he does so with one of the most challenging instruments you can play.
Getting to his seat is an arduous journey. Some would argue that staying in that seat is even more challenging.
It takes focus. It takes meditation and mindfulness. It takes humility and grace and all of those other really nice words we wish people used about us.
Richard shares his story - of what got him to where he is, and how he remains focused while playing exquisite music on a grand scale. Most importantly, and this was the question I could hardly wait to ask, is how to get your focus back after making a mistake.
The metaphors are solid and the advice is tangible. I loved learning from Richard, and I know you will, too.
You can learn more about Richard on his website: www.richarddeane.com
You can learn more about the New York Philharmonic here: www.nyphil.org
In order to get someone to believe us, we have to show them, not tell them, what we are capable of.
There is a difference between "routine" and "rhythm," and each one affects progress differently.
This week I’m continuing the theme of reputation, and I want to cover the idea of “personal branding.”
I hate the term - I feel like it’s a marketing gimmick designed to sell corporate workshops - but the idea of it is an extremely important one, especially as the economy and work structure are changing. And, since I don’t have a better term to replace “personal brand” - we’ll run with it.
Last week I wrote a bit about “presence” - and what people see of you in the moment. It’s an often-forgotten area of focus for people, especially as we get so busy in meetings and with delivering our work, yet it is a fundamental component of what makes our personal brand.
It’s no secret that reputation is key to success. But reputation is only one aspect. Reputation, presence, personal brand - all of these fall under the same umbrella but have nuanced definitions that require different focus.
Presence is what people see in the moment. Reputation is what precedes you, and the story people tell. Your “personal brand” is a culmination of all of this.
While I think the term “personal brand” is ridiculous, the idea is a necessity in today’s world. Think about it - you have a story out there. And when you meet or hear about someone new - you instantly go online to look at them. And if you are like me, you judge them.
Establishing and maintaining your personal brand is a great exercise to go through and to revisit a few times a year. To do so, there are three questions to answer regarding Character, Commitment and Story.
First, Character.
The ever-present question of “Who are you?” What do you bring to the table? Character, or personality or persona, is a combination of your inner drivers and what other people see. It encompasses your values, your motivations, your interests. It’s what you prioritize and find important. Your brand has to align with your character, otherwise we are pretending to be something we aren’t.
I won’t beat a dead horse on this - as it’s in a few previous posts - but doing the exercise of what words describe you and what people would use, is an excellent first step.
Dos, Commitment.
What do people experience when they interact with you? Think of a corporate brand that you recognize, like Starbucks. When you think of Starbucks, you know exactly what to expect every time you walk in that store. They have made a commitment to you: wifi, coffee, bathrooms.
What about you? When people interact with you - what expectations do they have? If they approach you for something at the office or in the community, what outcome do they foresee? The importance of this step can’t be understated. Expectations on how you will act impact the ways that people treat you, ask you questions or offer you assistance.
Trois, Story.
What is the story you want people to tell about you? Taking pieces of your Character and Commitment - how do you stitch them together into a package so people will tell the story for you. This is the reputation that we want to harvest and nurture.
Day in and out, your presence will impact this story. Also, what other people say will impact the story. While we can’t completely control this, we can do everything in our power to impact it so that the story that goes ahead of us is one that will make our interactions more productive.
Whether going for a promotion, looking for a new job or simply getting a project done - your personal brand, when properly defined and working, will open many more doors. Happy branding!
You know good, smart people. These good, smart people can help you in many different ways. Why not put them to use as you attempt something new?
If you work for a corporation, you are probably familiar with the annual Individual Development Plan, or IDP. But what about creating one just for you outside of work?
Last week on the podcast I discussed the love of learning. But, as always, learning is one thing and practical application is something completely separate.
With that in mind, this week’s podcast is devoted to some practical examples on how to use learning to improve.
True learning for whatever it is that we want to improve comes down to our ability to ask ourselves questions. To learn in the moment, we need to have a level of awareness and challenge ourselves with the difficult questions that are so easy to ignore.
For those not listening to the podcast, here are the three things I highlight:
First - Preparation.
I use running as the example on the podcast. But in order to get started, you have to prepare and that includes the “why.” If you want to start running - ask yourself the “why” question. Is it because of self image and you want to get in shape? Is it because you want to lose weight? Is it because you want to impress another person? All of these questions will impact your ability to take running (or anything other habit) on. You may find that running isn’t the right answer, after all.
Second - Collect Data.
Businesses use data to make big decisions - why aren’t you?
Data has to go through iterations. From data you have to garner information, which you have to turn into knowledge, which you then have to move to wisdom. It’s called the DIKW pyramid.
For example, knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
If you want to start a running regimen - track everything. Each day, write down your distance and time that you ran. Put some notes on what was good or not.
There are two types of data here - both have value. Objective data (time/distance) and subjective (feelings). Both of these provide value as to why you are or are not moving towards your goal. This is true for running, writing a book, launching a business. If you did not do what you wanted to today - ask yourself why. You may realize you don’t want to do it.
Third - Learn in the Moment
Use the data to make decisions in the moment. If you always end your run at a certain spot, maybe challenge yourself to go a different distance. If a distance isn’t challenging enough, maybe run for a certain amount of time. Each of these will change up the perspective and help keep it interesting.
If you find every Tuesday you go slower than the other days, maybe something is impacting that. If you find that you are only going twice a week, but want to go five, you can ask yourself the question of what’s impacting your ability to get it done.
We all have these amazing ideas and lists of things we want to accomplish. But if you aren’t focused on it daily, or weekly, then it will always just be an idea.
I hope the examples on the podcast were helpful! Enjoy the week!
I have a theory. I believe that part of the reason adults are so miserable is that they have stopped learning.
There is something special about being a kid. The awe of new things, wonder and learning - I’d argue it’s what makes being a kid so special. It’s why young people are so happy and engaged and have desires to do new things.
As we get older - we lose that. We have to meet the expectations of others. We have to present ourselves in certain ways to meet the needs of the Joneses and impress other people. We evolve from learning internally to showing externally. And that sucks.
A client recently told me that his favorite part about coaching is that it helped him realize that “he likes learning.” I thought that was pretty wise and well said. After all, we never think about what we are learning day to day. And the reason for that is because we have our routines.
When we get stuck - and by stuck I can mean any kind of rut - I tend to blame it on routine.
Routine takes away learning. It’s the same thing over and over again. That may comfort people from time to time, but it doesn’t quite help us grow.
The fun thing to note is that learning can take many forms. It’s not just learning a new language or a new skill - it could mean learning about yourself. What could be cooler or more important than that? I mean, come on … it’s you.
I give an example on the podcast about running. Everyone tries to run and almost everyone quits running. Because it’s miserable. But the reason people find it miserable is that nobody takes the time to “learn” how to run. They just go out and try to crush a distance and focus on how miserable they feel doing it.
Once I learned to run, it changed my whole perspective on it. Now I use running to help me think or de-stress - and I try to go every day.
We can identify the desire to try something new or to make a change. People do it all the time. If one more person tells me that they want to write a book, I may jump off a bridge. But I know they won’t, because they haven’t learned to write. And that takes practice. Once people learn how to do something, in their way, then they can learn how to love it.
I talk about inner dialogue often, and the power of choice. There is an endless possibility of everything in the world because there is an endless possibility of learning - not just books, but about yourself as well. Your values, your motivations. Why you say things you do, and why you are responding to things like you do. Examining and peeling back the onion on what gets you going is a learning journey in and of itself.
So with that, I would encourage you to get out and learn something. Maybe learn about why you flipped off that guy in traffic. Maybe learn about why grapefruits are called grapefruits (it’s because they grow like grapes on trees). I can’t think of a better way to spend your time …
Enjoy!
How we choose to spend our time is what dictates everything about our situation today and in the future, so it's refreshing to remember that yes, time is a choice.
Ah yes, the dread of speaking in public. We are going to go there again - but not in the same way as before. I love getting feedback from listeners on what they want me to cover in a podcast - and advice on how to write a speech was interestingly a hot request. So let’s do it.
I consider the speech process to have three “events” or “phases.”
The first phase is the fear of speaking; that gut wrench when someone asks you to give an update at a Town Hall. We all know it so well - it’s well documented, there is plenty of advice, the dead horse continues to be beaten. That’s something that takes work to overcome - and look back to this episode with speech coach Tony Figliola for some tremendous tips to help you overcome the fear.
Another phase is the actual delivery of the speech, which you want to be engaging, enthusiastic and impressive. We’ll cover that in the future.
But in between is arguably the most important phase of the speech process: actually writing it.
Maybe there is a fourth phase - a relief when it’s finally over - but that’s for another time. Back to writing.
I think a big, underappreciated aspect of the fear of public speaking is the fear of the unknown. And part of the unknown is that we don’t know what to say. Finding the words to communicate what emotions or feelings we want to convey can be anxiety-inducing. It takes focus, practice and true, pen-to-paper work.
Most people focus on delivery. Enthusiasm and connecting with the audience is vital for success. But no matter how dynamic a speaker you are, without the proper words and messaging, you are going to fall flat.
Enter this week’s podcast guest Mike Greenly.
Mike has made words his life’s work. He joins us this week on the podcast to talk about how words have power. “They are oxygen,” says Mike. And that oxygen gives life to your presentations.
There is a lot to consider when writing a speech: Who is the audience? What do they need to hear? What do you want them to hear? What’s the medium? PowerPoint or no? Where in the hell do I even begin?
Mike takes us back to basics. The first step, and most important part of speech writing, is finding the “north star” - that main takeaway that you want to convey. Everything else can link back to that.
There are different types of speeches and occasions that require different writing styles and presentations. A conference of 5,000 is very different from a board presentation of seven executives. Regardless of the situation, structuring a speech is telling a story. And how do your story and words bring your audience on a journey?
Listen to the podcast for more Mike’s tips - he has plenty of them. And reach out to him below to learn more about what he does …
Mike Greenly, speech writer extraordinaire
Website: http://www.mikegreenly.com/
His Medium article on speech writing is here.
The state anthem of Virginia, which he wrote, can be heard here.
His song "Common Ground" can be heard here.
Obviously, I’m a believer in the value of coaching. I’m also a believer in the fact that there is a lot to learn from all corners of this pebble we call Earth, and each person has a unique perspective to bring to any kind of relationship.
What makes that perspective unique is the culmination of our experiences over time.
Alan Goldstein isn’t young, but they say with age comes wisdom. And if there is an example of a person who has had perspective changes over the years, you won’t find a better one than his.
A self-described radicalized Vietnam Veteran, Alan is a retired dentist from the Bronx who now has a successful life coaching business.
There is a lot in that sentence for you to take in.
Alan and I are both big on creating an inner dialogue and finding the questions you need to ask yourself to truly identify what it is that you believe. These beliefs then translate into actions.
Change is uncomfortable - we know this. But creating a healthy internal conversation is just one specific, tangible aspect of managing and responding to change in the best way you can.
I’ve learned a lot from Alan, and I think you will, too.
Alan Goldstein
Alan's Website: http://www.coachingpractice.com/index.php
When it comes to being more productive, everyone has an opinion.
Some people say get your work done in the morning, others get work done after lunch. Some say make a list. Others say to work in time blocks.
The advice is far reaching, it often conflicts, and is based on opinion. Everyone’s model of productivity works for them, and then they proceed to inform you how to be like them. The issue is, not everyone is the same.
Now, I love the tactical approach. Tips and tricks on how to operate, provided people can adjust and make them “their own,” can be very helpful. If nobody shared their learnings, then we wouldn’t learn. Simple as that.
But moving beyond the tactical approach is finding a rhythm. And when people come to me with productivity challenges, often times they are talking about their “rhythm.” They want a system - something to get them operating at a higher level; a silver productivity bullet.
It may exist in Ithaca, NY.
In this week’s podcast, I chat with Nathan Walz, founder of Journey to Optimal Health, about light. Yes, light.
Apparently, since I didn’t pay attention at all in my science classes growing up, light operates on a frequency that adjusts during the day. And your body responds to these frequencies as part of your circadian rhythm. Nathan chats about how tapping into your circadian rhythm (something we are all born with and is our natural way), can do wonders not just to productivity, but to mental health as well.
I will admit, I was skeptical going in. Typically when I hear about natural things, I discount it, simply because I chalk it up to “hippy theory” or pseudo-science or imagination.
Thing is, Nathan has the science to back this up. And it makes a lot of sense.
In the morning, as the sun is rising, light enters at frequencies and they change throughout the day. This tells your body to be tired or awake.
We hear all the time about the dangers of technology and how it impacts our sleep. It’s because the blue light from our phones gives off the frequency of morning light - which screws up our circadian rhythm. LED lights do the same thing. And once he got rolling, I was learning about all kinds of things that affect my rhythm.
It’s an interesting area of focus that I haven’t heard much of before chatting with him: using your circadian rhythm to be more productive. I like it, and I’m going to explore it more.
But in the meantime, listen to the podcast and see what small changes you can make to eliminate “blue light” - from changing light bulbs to getting filtered glasses.
Most people don’t want to hear it, but the mornings are most productive for many people, and light could play a big part in that. And while I’m not one to tell people what to do, hearing Nathan say that the idea of night owls vs. morning larks is bullshit … well that just makes me smile.
So listen away, and tomorrow get up, watch the sun rise, and tackle the day!
Nathan's website: https://journeytooptimalhealth.com/
His Top 9 "biohacks": http://bit.ly/mitochondriac
And his links to Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, and Instagram
In a week celebrating a country's independence, let's focus on your own independence, and how your assumptions can limit your choices.
In case you haven’t heard, or if you were wondering why flags everywhere have a rainbow, June is Pride month.
It’s a celebration of the history and contributions that have been made by the LGBTQ community. And this year, Pride has an interesting milestone: 50 years since the Stonewall riots.
For many, growing up in the 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s meant the constant hearing that being gay was wrong. It was a sin, it was a mistake, it was “against nature.” It was something to be ignored and put away in the closet.
And the more I’m learning about Pride and the LGBTQ community, the more I’m realizing that it wasn’t just people who were living in closets - but the fascinating history of the overall community as well.
Fortunately, society is changing. And it’s changing in very significant ways. But as we make progress towards equality, it’s important to remember the history of the past fifty years and beyond that took us to where we are. And, as always, history gives us a good guideline on where we need to continue going.
In this week’s podcast, Daniel Katz shared his perspective on Pride and the LGBTQ community. He shares his story of coming out, and what he considers the biggest misperceptions about the community that still remain.
He also shared how, as a straight person, I could be supportive. His two ways resonated. First, it was refreshing to hear Daniel talk about something I would call “compassionate indifference,” wherein we recognize that being gay is just another aspect of a human being. You can be gay or straight - it doesn’t matter - let’s just move on with mutual respect.
Secondly, it’s our actions, not words that show support. One of my biggest pet peeves about things like Pride month is when corporations or people rant and rave about how supportive they are. They are, in essence, trying to make it about themselves, and not the community they are purporting to support.
Gay people have been around since the dawn of time. And they are a part of every group that’s out there. It’s about time they were recognized for what they were: fellow human beings.
More progress is to be made, and more learning to be done. But the refreshing part of this year’s Pride month is the recognition that more and more people have the support they need and are able to start living life, as they are, in the open.
After all, how can we expect anyone to be their best self if they aren’t allowed to be who they truly are?
Daniel Katz
Daniel was the perfect guest. Here is more info on how you can reach him:
Instagram: danielist1Twitter: ChitsAndOrChats
Web: www.chitsandorchats.comWeb: www.danielist.com
It’s no secret that our childhood experiences have massive effect on who we are as individuals. But how about the way that we treat others?
This week I learned about Adverse Childhood Experiences, otherwise known as ACEs. I also learned that ACEs have a major impact on how you then proceed to treat other people, in particular your children.
As a relatively new parent, there is no shortage of opinion on “how” you are supposed to parent. And those opinions aside, I think most people can agree that being an asshole on the side of an athletic field is not one of the “good things.”
Jerry Reynolds has a passion for sports and for helping others. A social worker, he has been diving into the world of parent-child relationships when it comes to sports, and has tapped into how a parent’s childhood experiences affect the way they treat their children in the sporting world.
It has major consequences for your children, but this information is also very relevant to the way we interact at the office and in the community.
I had no idea how much change is going on in youth sports - between the thousands of dollars needed to participate and the massive lack of referees (who wants to get yelled at?) right up to full on criminal laws being passed that can include jail time to unruly parents … it makes me think that chess may be a better option for my kids.
The idea of “just have fun,” just like everything else (it seems) has become bastardized and ruined. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In particular - it comes down to the parent and their individual experiences with their children; understanding their needs and desires, and supporting them in fundamental, basic ways when it comes to sports and other activities.
There are cognitive and developmental benefits of youth sports - we hear about them all the time. Being part of a team, physical exercise, a commitment to others … and the data shows that more and more children are abandoning sports at younger and younger ages. This has follow-through implications for adulthood and the ongoing adult obesity epidemic. When was the last time YOU participated in a team sport?
Jerry and his research were fascinating: he covers kids and sports, economic disparity and how it affects sports scholarships, and even talks about how these findings are relatable to your own relationships at home, the office and your community.
I found it to be super interesting, and I hope you do, too. Jerry is doing more research (and can use funding … ahem) ... his CV and contact info are below.
To find your ACE score, here is some information: https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/.
Jerry Reynold's CV:Download
Today the topic is self-development. When we think of self-development, we instantly think of self-improvement or self-help. Those terms and ideas bring with them a subconscious implication that we are failing at something where we shouldn’t. And that isn’t the point of self-development at all.
The point of self-development, rather, is to increase and develop your conversation with yourself; the dialogue that goes on inside your head. It circles around learning about yourself, and means you aren’t sitting still and just letting the world happen to you. It shows that you are evolving, adjusting.
"The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly-that is what each of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves, nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to one's self."Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
Possibly a holdover from my childhood, I’m very aware of when people tell me I’m doing something “wrong.” It was cathartic when I had the realization that I wasn’t doing anything wrong - I just wasn’t doing it in a way that someone else wanted me to.
And this is repeated constantly today, especially online. Headlines are often designed to bait you into clicking. “You are cooking eggs wrong” or “you have been watching TV wrong your whole life.” Then you click, realize it’s pure stupidity, and move on.
Or we compare ourselves to the filtered Instagram world of other people. We see every person happy, posting their workouts and all that they are “accomplishing,” and we are put into a negative place. We are now focused on digging out of a hole because we feel the need to “fix” or “improve” to be like the others.
But we don’t have to improve. Most of us are just fine the way we are. After all, you are doing pretty well for yourself and are doing awesome shit every day.
When research shows that social media drives stress, it’s because some people expect it to fill voids that only they can fill. Seeking external validation for our actions is merely a reflection of the lack of an internal conversation. It’s important to remember that your development, your learning, isn’t for other people. It’s for you. And you alone.
Here is another way to look at it: you are already developing in some form. You are constantly changing. Each new experience that you have is leaving its indelible mark on you and is taking part in creating the future you.
The point of self development is to ensure that the experiences you create, the interactions you have and the decisions you make are having the impact that you want.
The saying goes that today you are a result of the decisions you made in the past. And your future is a result of the decisions you make today.
It’s also been said that the quality of your life is a reflection of the quality of your inner dialogue.
These two sayings go hand in hand. Working today to develop a positive and healthy inner dialogue leads to benefits in the future.
Our inner dialogue needs ongoing work and focus. It has the most history, an enormous amount of assumptions and is crazy judgmental about our abilities and our thoughts. It’s why people say that they are their own worst critic and enemy.
Working towards questioning and understanding these assumptions, and challenging yourself to move past judgment and into experience and learning is what will drive an inner success.
Sure, there are things that each of us can improve. And that’s fine. But hopping on the development bus, to learn who you are; your values, motivations, assumptions and needs - that’s the true meaning and aim of life.
That discussion will never end. But once you get to the beginning of a conversation, and understand the ongoing power of a healthy inner dialogue, people will recognize it in you without you saying it.
And that’s true development and empowerment.
Wrapping up Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m happy to offer up my third and final installment of my Wellness, Organized series: Social Wellness.
As mentioned in previous podcasts and posts - I decided to organize my thoughts on what wellness means for me. There are three aspects, and you can read my opinions on physical wellness here and mental wellness here. Now let’s bring it home.
First and foremost, I should offer up why I consider social activity as the third aspect of wellness; just as important as physical and mental: I find that there is no greater impact on our physical and mental well-being than the in-person social bonds we create throughout our lifetime.
We are social animals. We are wired to pick up social cues from other people. Our sixth sense exists, and it is social. The more neuroscience research that comes out, the more we are finding that social wellness is fundamental to our overall well-being.
We now know that seeing other people treated fairly drives the reward center of our brains. We now know that being rejected socially feels just like physical pain. We now know that there are specific “social centers” of our brain that need to be nurtured.
Self-reported loneliness and isolation is at record levels, across all generations, with particular focus on younger generations. This is fascinating to me - you typically hear of the forgotten older generations reporting loneliness. And while everyone seems to have an opinion on the causes of loneliness (technology, among other things), the fact of the matter is that many of us have to work hard to build an in-person social network.
The reason we have to work hard at social is because making friends is extremely difficult as an adult. We feel more pressure on status than we did as children, we have started down the path of settling into our interests and are very quick to find the people we don’t like instead of the people we do.
We bring our baggage and our years. It used to be that you would just stay friends with people from high school or just become friends with the parents of your kids. But people aren’t having kids - or are waiting until much later. Many people in their late 20s/early 30s aren’t having kids and don’t know how to meet new people.
Social wellness drives a desire for physical wellness, and it supports our mental well being as well. While my three aspects of mental well-being (self love, self care and a belief system) are all driven by us, our inside, they are all impacted by outside sources. While we need to focus on “us” - we need to utilize our outside influences as well. There is a reason people say that you are a result of the five people closest to you.
So with that said - here are the three aspects to social wellness: Support system; Newbies and Micro-interactions.
Support System
First up - support system. As you work to improve anything, or if you are going through any kind of change - your support system is the most important weapon in your arsenal. Society, work, home, community - we are experiencing change on such an unprecedented and fast scale that we are unable to keep up on our own and we need someone to support us.
This system could include spouses, friends, family … the list could be anyone. And the beauty of it is that you get to pick who you share with. For some people, family wouldn’t be part of the support system since each conversation has 30, 40 or 50 years of history. Others may live the single life to their grave and need to find individuals with similar interests. It doesn’t matter - what matters is that you find someone who can be a partner with you when you need them (and vice-versa).
Finding that system could be a challenge for people. And often we prevent ourselves from being vulnerable enough to launch into friendly relationships.
Which again leads us back to mental well being: in order to bring your best to any kind of relationship,
Today we cover part three of my Wellness, Organized series: The Mental. For context, there is an overview post and podcast here and my focus on Physical Wellness here.
This is Mental Health Awareness month. I’ll start this post with the information that if you are struggling with anything serious - if you need to chat with someone - there are people who care, will listen and are specialized in meeting what you need. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number is 1-800-273-8255. For other countries, you can look up yours here.
Mental health, just like physical health, requires ongoing attention to wellness. They are not the same, yet they are inextricably linked. What keeps someone “well” differs from person to person. The statement ‘you need to focus on self-care” doesn’t mean anything. Defining self-care for you, and starting on the learning journey of what you, personally, need is the name of the game. Hence these post. Here is a bit of my focus on mental wellness and I hope it’s helpful for you. I went through the process and I’m continuing to go through it.
To me, there are three aspects to mental wellness: Self-Love, Self-Care and your Belief System.
Self-Love
I used to think this was the most ridiculous thing on the planet. Asking me 10, 15, 20 years ago my opinion on “self-love,” my opinion would have been that people needed to just get over themselves, move on and get shit done. It wasn’t until I started to allow myself to grow and learn it for myself did I realize how far off the mark I was.
In essence - one way I like to say it, is that self-love is a respect for yourself.
Jacques Rousseau provides my favorite quote of all time in his book Confessions: “How can anyone be satisfied in life if they aren’t satisfied with the one person they can’t be separated from?”
Think back to a person that you loved or still love more than anything - a child, a spouse, a friend. You would do anything for them. You would drop anything and be at their side in a moment if they needed it. Are you willing to give yourself that attention as well?
The reason self-love is a challenge and difficult is because we know all of our secrets. We know our self doubts. We don’t see them in other people. We don’t see the mistakes that the people in front of us made 10 years ago, yet we remember ours and they gnaw at our confidence. We don’t see other people’s indecision - yet we feel our own.
Are you able to take things from the past, recognize them as lessons, or forgive yourself, and move on? Are you able to take your self doubt and recognize that only you see it, nobody else? Are you comfortable, in your own skin, to be who you want to be? We all want to be this way, yet we struggle. These are good places to start as an exercise to go through.
Figuring out the self-love thing was groundbreaking for me. If I hadn’t figured this out, I can say without a doubt that I wouldn’t be married. When I was chatting with her about this post, we were both in agreement that there is no way she would have stuck around if I hadn’t figure that out. Her question was how could you possibly love anyone else if you don’t love yourself? It turned out I wasn’t ready to meet someone until I had figured the self-love part out.
And this is true for any relationship - not just romantic. For friendships, co-workers, community, whatever - figuring out you, and bringing your best, is step one.
There is power in self-love. It’s about knowing that at the end of each day, you are going to be OK. That no matter the struggle - no matter the challenge you are faced with - you are comfortable with the choices you have made.
Self-love is about recognizing that you have value - to others and to yourself. It’s not self-adulation; this isn’t about false confidence or arrogance. It’s about respect, love and trust - which will lead into care.
Self-Care
When I say self-care,
As promised in a previous post and podcast, I’ve decided to organize my thoughts on wellness. It’s such a massive topic, that it needs to be broken down into categories. Today, we focus on the physical aspect of wellness.
Physical wellness, to define it and get on the same page, is your vessel; the tank that carries around your crap all day. It covers health, weight, and more. In essence, it’s your body. It is not, however, your body image. Save that shit for our mental discussion.
Physical wellness is what you are doing day in and out to make sure that you are a fine tuned machine to handle anything coming at you. Like Netflix. And there are three components to physical wellness: Diet, Fitness and Sleep.
There is no shortage of information and advice on this topic. I’m aware of that. And I would argue that it’s part of the problem: there is too much advice and information on this topic, so people get confused or disappointed and they give up.
But it is also the reason why I wrote this. And I’m going to specifically stay at the conceptual level. Because when it comes to physical wellness, you need to fill in the gaps. I’m not a doctor, I’m a coach - so I can’t prescribe for you specific items that would help you - but I can sure as hell will get you to where you want to be.
When I coach my clients, we create a plan specific to them. What works for one person may not work for another. And it’s the same with your wellness. For example, tofu will never be a part of my diet. Ever. Yet for others, it may be a good part of their diet. For some people, running a marathon is good physical fitness. Other people may have bad knees. The point is, you need to do the work to fill in the gaps. As a coach, I can provide a framework.
And it’s the one thing that we need to remember when it comes to physical wellness: we need to take a long view. This is not something that you can crash course in for a month and go back. Physical wellness is a routine - a day in and out experience where you make good decisions. If you are looking to lose weight - it may take years, not months. I used to be fifty pounds heavier - it took me almost a decade to lose it. Physical wellness is a journey - one that would serve you well to enjoy.
And it’s important to note why it takes a long time - your body needs to adjust. It needs to recognize new norms. The reason significantly overweight people have trouble losing weight is because their body is fighting it. Their body goes into panic mode when they because to lose weight because it thinks they are starving. It’s the great irony in weight loss: those that need to lose the most have the biggest fighters against it: their own brains and bodies.
One recommendation, if you are reading this and looking to lose weight: of these three, your diet is what will drive most of your weight loss. The other two are important, but diet reigns supreme. And since we are on that topic, let’s start there.
DIET
Keeping it simple and conceptual, your diet is what you consume. It’s not a limitation on foods, it’s not a sacrifice, it’s not anything where you “stop doing something for a short period of time.” It’s what you put into your body. That includes food, drinks, booze, soda, cigarettes, vegetables, cocaine … anything you ingest is part of your diet. I think it’s safe to say that some of those things shouldn’t be in your diet.
So that’s great - we know what a diet is. But here is what to take away when reviewing your diet: Everything you consume is either helping you or harming you. Put another way, which I think I hear from Dr. Mark Hyman, is that everything you eat is either making you healthy or making you sick.
Keep your thoughts on diet at that level. It’s very easy to tell you to “eat this, not that” - but that’s not the point. For some, an occasional soda is just fine. For others, that soda will put them into a sugar spiral. Everyone has a trigger for their diet.
It’s always a risk for a white guy to cover the topic of equality in the workplace. So that’s why I’m thrilled to have Eileen Scully join me to provide her perspective and wisdom on the topic. Eileen is a consultant, speaker and author of the upcoming book, “In the Company of Men: How Women Can Succeed in a World Built Without Them.”
When I first met Eileen, she made the comment, “Businesses and organizations operate in a way that was developed by white men ages ago, and that just doesn’t work for many people who aren’t.”
As a white guy, that thought, quite frankly, never really occurred to me.
We hear about equality in the workplace frequently, especially with high-profile changes that are happening over time (pay, leadership positions, etc.). Yet we don’t often go into the detail on simple, day-to-day operations in the office; those basic assumptions that, when they don’t affect us, are invisible.
It’s one of the great revelations that came to me in the past decade: many of my assumptions may be wrong. It’s a frightening prospect, but one to be explored. And it’s a truly humbling exercise to think through (in the “real” humbling way - not in the humble brag, “I’m humbled to get recognized for being awesome” kind of way).
Maybe, just maybe, certain aspects of how your business operates are wrong.
Eileen is a rock star, traveling the world, doing amazing work and is one of those people that truly make a meaningful global impact. She is a BOSS.
Enjoy! And order her book!
Eileen Scully, Founder, The Rising Tides
Her Website: www.therisingtides.com
Pre-Order her book: www.therisingtides.com/book
See her TEDx Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcGH3Vk00ns
Follow her Twitter: @eemscully
Defining wellness, and organizing what it actually means, is step one to figuring out what to work on. This outlines the details of physical, mental and social well being.
The conundrum of the digital world is that we have all of this technology to make our lives easier, but what are we willing to sacrifice in order to use it? Stories abound of families glued to their smartphones around the dinner table and the impact of television and phones on young children’s brains, all leading to the frightening, supposed prospect of society becoming unglued due to the destruction of in-person social interaction.
But not to worry, because this week we are very happy to have Pete Dunlap, author of "Digital Detangler: A Guide to Mindful Technology Use." Pete’s life work is to teach people how to use technology smartly, and have it become a part of your life, not take over your life.
Pete has a realistic view on technology, and recognizes it’s both necessary and can provide value if we can identify how to wield it. He’s overflowing with research and statistics on the impact technology and the digital world have on our lives, but also offers tangible advice on how to get your tech use under control.
So plug in, use your app to listen, visit the website, tweet this episode out and put it on your Facebook! Learn from Pete on the difference between active vs. passive technology use, and share some tips on how to make it a functional part of your life, rather than just something to mindlessly occupy our time.
For More on Pete:
Web: https://www.digitaldetangler.com/
Order his book here Link to ScrollStopper Connect on LinkedIn
Pete Dunlap, The Digital Detangler
This week, we learn from Tricia Barger, owner of Poppy Tree Design and Yoga Instructor, on the benefits of simplicity, the beauty of silence and how empowering minimalism can be.
The topic of wellness has been monetized to the point where it no longer makes you “well” - so Tricia resets the button, looks at the forest from the trees and gives some tips on how you can find out what “wellness” actually means for you.
In the words of Andre Gide’s “Fruits of the Earth” - “As women in the pale East wear their entire fortune on their persons, so I have always carried with me all my possessions. At every smallest moment of my life, I have felt within me the whole of my wealth.”
In her words, “Five minutes of silence can change the world.” And wine, Tricia. Wine can change the world, too.
For more on Tricia and her design work, please visit www.poppytreedesign.com.
It’s not every day you get to sit across the table from a pro boxer. It’s exciting and fun and you just feel cool. And once you make sure that you are in no way offending them or opening them up to hitting you, you can then open your mind to learning from them.
Dashaun “Too Sweet” Johns is an undefeated professional boxer, with eyes on being world champion in the next two years. Learn about how he keeps his eyes on the prize, and what goes through his mind as challenges try to derail him. He gives extraordinary advice on how to create that goal and use discipline to stay on track.
But most importantly, learn about how Dashaun has reshaped his life, overcome adversity thanks to the people in his corner, and is setting himself up for major success, in and out of the ring. It’s relevant to you in many ways, I assure you. And in the meantime, you’ll learn a few things about what to look for in the boxing ring.
I believe that boxing is the ultimate metaphor for life. How many times can you get up after getting knocked down? How are you still standing after taking the hits? Who is in your corner to support you? The things a boxer focuses on for his or her fight, you can focus on as well when preparing for something major.
It’s the perfect representation of the resilience of the human spirit.
Dashaun is ready to be champion. He is Bellwether through and through. He makes the people around him better. He is at your front door. “Sign the contract!”
You can find out more about Dashaun in these areas:
Web: www.teamtoosweet.com
Social Media is all @teamtoosweet, links here:
@teamtoosweet
@teamtoosweet
The old joke goes that people are more afraid of public speaking than dying - so they would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.
Why are we so petrified of speaking in front of a group of people? When I bring up the topic in front of clients, their eyes go wide with fright. “I can’t do that!” they say. And it’s evident with people beyond my clients at all levels - from high school students to senior executives - public speaking and abject horror and stage fright go hand in hand.
Tony Figliola has coached thousands of individuals on how to become both effective and fantastic public speakers. His reputation is unmatched. When you need help with a speech, people know that Tony is where you go. And he has a theory on why we are afraid: “When we give a speech, we give all of us. And if people don’t like it, that’s all we have.”
Vulnerability, self-control and confidence are the name of the game. And in this episode, Tony gets tactical in helping you get over your fear of public speaking with acronyms, strategies, tips and exercises. He also shares his cats. Lots and lots of cats.
Almost every coaching client I’ve worked with has asked for help creating an “organizational system;” one to help them better manage their time to be more productive, efficient, and effective.
Dennis Wayland, Lean extraordinaire, shares how he implements “Lean principles” into his home to help get his family organized and out the door in the most efficient manner possible.
By just focusing on the concept of Lean, which is designed to make companies more profitable and efficient, he discusses how to identify and eliminate the waste that affects our ability to be our best and accomplish more.
That, and he has a good social media book recommendation for all of you entrepreneurs out there. Thanks, Dennis!