The Breaking Podcast - Tiara Menjivar: Recent Episodes
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Hello my friend,
I was inspired to talk to you about our inner gardens because last year I watched a Masterclass by Ron Finely on gardening. I don’t have an actual physical garden like he is teaching everyone to plant, but I connected to so much of what he was saying on a metaphoric level.
He tells his story of how he got started with gardening, and how he fought to make gardening a thing in South Central Los Angeles. I grew up in South Central LA during my middle school years. I know what he’s talking about. The streets aren’t taken care of, and the crime rate is high. And so Ron Finely’s mission is to teach people to plant edibles or beautiful things because his mantra is beauty in, beauty out, you put beauty into a space, that’s what you’re going to get out of it. He became known as the “gangster gardener” changing south central LA with soil.
There’s this photo I found while I was doing a bit of research for some writing.
It’s a picture of a couple in London who had built a garden inside a bomb crater during World War II.
The caption of this photo reads: “Where Nazi’s sowed death, a Londoner and his wife have sown life-giving vegetables in a London crater.”
I love that so much, it’s one of the most beautiful things ever.
And on the other side of the world, years later there would be places in Vietnam where villagers would turn bomb craters into gardens, fish farms, sites for houses, and swimming pools.
Humans have such a capacity for destruction and creativity, and we try to make our impact within these polars.
Some send bombs to destroy and clean out, while others create a vegetable garden.
You know, I’ve been guilty of creating a few craters here and there in people’s inner gardens. I’ve been critical, judgmental, without compassion and mercy, but I thought I was changing the world. You know how it is: You want to make a difference, have some sort of impact, perhaps leave a legacy, make your life matter in some way. So you go to war, you join a revolution, a cause or something. But a lot of the time war brings famine. People go around setting fire to each other’s garden’s, and we’re left with nothing but ashes and destruction.
““Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.””
— Leo Tolstoy
There are revolutions that change the course of history, and don’t get me wrong, these sometimes have their place. But there are revolutions that you have with yourself in order to change the course of your life and those around you.
We’re talking about your inner garden after all, and after a year like 2020, with a pandemic, riots, fear, conspiracy theories, hatred, anxiety… of course you have places in your garden that probably have suffered severely. Maybe some stuff has burned down, maybe you have some craters that circumstances, people, or life just tossed out of nowhere and blew a big empty hole and you’re trying to figure out what to do next.
If there’s one thing I know for sure, is that hurt people hurt people. Someone who has a thriving inner garden, does not go around burning other people’s gardens to the ground. There’s so much reaction and lashing out that just creates more violence and no beauty is being created. I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes a revolution doesn’t start with picking up arms and weapons, but starts with putting them down. It starts with cleaning up the rubble, and planting a garden in the bomb crater. It starts with making ponds, and odd shaped swimming pools, and breaking ground for new homes, out of the dirt that was overturned by violence and explosions.
The revolution of turning ashes into beauty.Creating beauty in a world that is obsessed with power, and influence, and taking over is a revolution.
It goes against the marching orders we are given… and it goes against the beating drum that everyone hears.
How are you creating beauty in your inner garden when you face destruction, when someone has come through, set fire, and ravaged your carefully tended garden? What one does in the aftermath, what one does with the ashes is the real revolution, the real change.
Maybe taking care of your inner garden is the way you make a difference. Revolutions bring change, they stir things up, but they are not always explosive. They don’t have to be loud, take over the entire world, or be in people’s faces. They don’t have to be bloody, or aggressive.
Sometimes the greatest war we can wage is creating beauty out of the ashes.
One of my favorite poets, Rumi, said this:
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
So, go on.
Continue to cultivate your inner garden.
We need people who are creating more beauty instead of burning down other people’s gardens.
There’s this story that Leonard Woolf wrote during the rise of Hitler:
“One of the most horrible things at that time was to listen on the wireless to the speeches of Hitler — the savage and insane ravings of a vindictive underdog who suddenly saw himself to be all-powerful. We were in Rodmell during the late summer of 1939, and I used to listen to those ranting, raving speeches. One afternoon I was planting in the orchard under an apple-tree some iris, those lovely violet flowers. … Suddenly I heard Virginia’s voice calling to me from the sitting room window: “Hitler is making a speech.” I shouted back, “I shan’t come. I’m planting iris and they will be flowering long after he is dead.” Last March, twenty-one years after Hitler committed suicide in the bunker, a few of those violet flowers still flowered under the apple-tree in the orchard.”
Plant some iris in your inner garden, something that will outlast all the hatred and ugliness around you. Keep planting good things, keep making good art, keep writing good words, keep making music… because long after these political and power systems rise and fall, beauty will keep on. That’s the real legacy. That’s planting a Revolution.
So my friend, I hope you stay curious and courageous… and now go, plant some iris.
Love,
Tiara
Hello again my friend,
There’s this thing that happens to plants called Root Bound. It’s when the roots have grown too large for their container, or it’s been in a container for too long. You can start seeing the roots come out from the tops and bottoms, and if the container is fragile, you start seeing cracks and breaks because the roots are trying to find room to grow and expand.
There are places in your inner garden that may have become root bound. You have probably outgrown your container, and the roots are desperately looking for room to expand. But what happens a lot of the time is that we talk ourselves to stay in this containment by telling ourselves that we should be content.
There is wisdom in knowing the difference between containment and contentment. This comes back to a question of life: Does this keep me alive, or do I feel like I’m slowing dying?
This is paying attention to your inner garden. Containment, this root bound, slowly kills plants, it’s a suffocating situation… water is not getting to the roots because everything is too tight.
Growth is an expansive feeling, and root bound feels constricting.
We feel bad about wanting more. More growth, more health, more space, more opportunity. But this is the natural progression of a growing inner garden. It needs space to expand. But you get talked into being content. Be content with your little pot, even though your roots are breaking it, everything is straining because you just need more room to grow. But contentment doesn’t mean you can’t have more. Contentment is a state of happiness and satisfaction. You can have the satisfaction that you have grown so much that now you need more space.
Needing more space to grow doesn’t mean you are unsatisfied or unhappy, it’s just a state of being.
Rescuing a plant from root bound isn’t easy. The process of replanting and repotting is messy, there’s usually not a neat way to do this. But if you want your plant to survive, your container will have to take a couple hits, and will probably not survive the transfer. You have to be ok with that. You have to break off the container, and tear apart all the roots that have bound together. You’ll find a bunch of little plants all crowded together, waiting to have their own space, so they can experience growth. Sometimes you can hear the roots tearing as you separate the plants to replant them… it sounds like you’re hurting them, but what’s happening is expansion.
Root bound literally dwarfs the plant, because the roots don’t get to pull in enough nutrients. You either need a bigger pot, or separate them into multiple pots. Anytime you have roots that are coming out of the top of the plant, you know you have a problem with containment.
If the plant isn’t taken out of its small container, it will start to die. Because what happens is that the roots get hardened, and become like stone. Water and nutrients are no longer able to pass through the root system. It’s necessary for the plant to have roots that have soft, nutritious soil around them.
The climate and environment could be ideal.
The soil could be right.
The water and care could be consistent.
And yet.
If the container is too small to accommodate all the growth that will happen, the plant will wither away.
What would you say or do to a plant in your garden that has root bound? Would you tell it to be content? Be grateful for what you have? You have good climate, a good environment. Your soil is good. I give you enough water, care and attention. What more could you possibly want?
There are many containers I’ve had to break out of in order to experience more growth and expansion for myself. Containers of identity, of religion, judgements, old stories, limiting beliefs and assumptions.
I can tell you that at first, it feels disorienting, when you’ve been in one container for so long, to have that container broken, and then all your root systems being pulled in every direction. This stretching of your roots can feel painful, but it’s the only way you continue your growth. It’s the only way you ensure that water gets to your roots and they don’t become stone. It feels like you’re being torn to pieces, and you’ll start to think it might not actually be good for you.
Everything is breaking apart. But this breakdown can never be skipped. If I was to breakthrough to new ground, to more depth and width, I had to address this problem of root bound.
How does this root bound happen to you in the first place? Well, something tricky can happen. In moments when you are actually contained, you talk yourself into contentment. You have this suffocating feeling, you feel trapped, you have this thirst, a hunger. But you tell yourself that there’s a lot to be thankful for. After all, some plants don’t have any containers. Some plants don’t get any water. Some die in the first winter because they’re in the wrong climate.
But let me tell you something. Your roots do not care. They do not care who has water, and who has not. They do not care about any of that. They are wired and meant for growth. They grow because they must. They grow because there isn’t anything else to do. You either grow, or whither. If you say you want your garden to be fully alive, then you must make room for your growth and expansion. You have been brought to a wide and open place. You just decide to corner yourself into one small space.
It turns out that the purpose of a garden is to grow.
To grow in EVERY DIRECTION.
Plants that grow tall, roots that go deep, vineyards that grow wide.
Turns out that the purpose of the garden isn’t to be as small, quiet, and contained as possible.
Turns out that we plant gardens to burst and overflow with life, flavors, colors, and beauty.
Turns out that contentment doesn’t have to stifle your growth.
Turns out there are plants in your inner garden that just need more space.
Hello again my friend,
So,
If you have a piece of land waiting to be cultivated for your garden, you have to analyze the soil. Now that you’ve taken ownership of your inner garden, accepted your climate zone, and decided to welcome and work with the seasons, now you have to take a good look at your soil.
Is it healthy? Is it in good condition to grow things?
Soil is where the life is. On the outside… this is the stuff we call dirt. For our inner worlds, it’s our mind, our heart.
There’s the famous parable of the soils: A farmer goes out to cast his seeds and the different soils affected the growth. There was the side of the road, the rocky ground, the weeds, and the good ground. And the metaphor the soils represented the varying states of the human heart.
Last year I was watching a Masterclass on gardening and Ron Finely explained the different soils: There’s the compacted: the only thing that can grow is weeds, because it has no water retention. There the clay: holds too much water and it doesn’t release it which is bad for your plants, so it’s muddy, Sand is good for succulents because it loses a lot of water, but not great for other plants… Then there’s the loamy Soil: It’s a combination of all the soils. Sand, silt, a small amount of clay, it holds moisture but is also breaks up.
The roots of the plants don’t have to fight through the soil, they don’t have to use energy to fight to get through the soil, they use that energy to feed the plant and give fruit, and the bigger your roots are, the healthier your plant is. So, just because you have soil in your yard does not mean it’s fit for healthy plants. You have to get it to a place where it can thrive.
So, Ron Finely suggests that you get a kit and test your soil to see if it’s toxic. What happens if your soil is toxic, what do you do?
Apparently you can plant sunflowers to pull the poison out of the soil. After the Fukushima nuclear disaster in Japan, they planted sunflowers all over the town to soak up all the radiation. Sunflowers are cleaners of the environment. What a gift. What a beautiful gift to our human disasters. These sunflowers brought hope back to this town. They healed the environment so life could continue.
There are many things that can come in and poison your soil. Cynicism can be a toxin that doesn’t allow anything to grow. Last week I compared it to being in a perpetual state of winter, and sometimes you can let the ice and snow thaw, and the soil still needs some attention, because trust takes a long time to develop. It’s not a 'flip the switch kind' of a thing. The antidote to cynicism is hope. Hope that something beautiful can happen to your garden. A feeling of trust that you will be ok.
I love that the flower that heals the environment is a big bright yellow sunflower. It’s such a statement.
Because hope really is an optimistic state of mind. Hope feels a little cheesy to us who are jaded, we roll our eyes like intellectual realists at the earnestness that hope presents itself with. Legend has it that the following quote was found written on a cellar wall in Germany during the holocaust: “I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when I cannot feel it. I believe in God even when he is silent.”
You see, Hope isn’t about sunshine, rainbows, and sprinkles.
Hope is actually hard core. Hope soaks up radiation from a nuclear disaster. If your life is going as planned, and it’s comfortable, you don’t need hope. You don’t need much. Hope is needed in the dark places, where there’s poison, toxins, hope matters for the cynical who don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, for those who have given up, the ones who don’t feel like getting up one more time.
You may have some healthy soil in parts of your garden, but there are little places you haven’t paid attention to that need a little healing, a little hope, perhaps some sunflowers. You cannot grow a healthy inner garden without some hope, because Hope summons the future… and planting a garden is about providing or designing something for the future. Where have you lost some hope, or feel like you’re losing hope? It’s time to reinstate some sunflowers to brighten these corners.
This can come in the form of new friends, better habits, a new environment, a new strategy, a new journaling practice, a spiritual ritual. I don’t know what that is for you, but I hope you’ll take the time to figure it out. Hope is important for the future, and for the present, it allows us to continue one day at a time.
One of the best descriptions of Hope I’ve ever read was written by Rebecca Solnit:
And that’s what I’ll leave you with:
“Hope is not a lottery ticket you can sit on the sofa and clutch, feeling lucky. It is an axe you break down doors with, in an emergency. Hope should shove you out the door, because it will take everything you have to steer the future away from endless war, from the annihilation of the earth’s treasures and the grinding down of the poor and marginal… To hope is to give yourself to the future—and that commitment to the future is what makes the present inhabitable.” — Rebeca Solnit
Hey friend,
I want to remind you of something that makes everything happen in your inner garden.
Seasons. Sure, maybe you’ve accepted your climate zone, but that’s just the beginning. That’s the starting line, the possibilities are abundant in what you’re able to grow, if you work with the seasons. Climate zones are pretty static, but the seasons are what brings change into your inner garden. It’s what makes growth dynamic. Things will come and go. Opportunities for life and death.
Winters do not last forever, and neither do summers. But for some reason, there are places, corners in our minds, hearts, and spirits where we’re stuck in a perpetual winter: what I call a state of cynicism. Oh man. I get it. I’m such a cynic.
I think a cynic is someone who got disappointed by something, and decided to stay disappointed. And I completely understand, and I want you to know that you’re not the only one. I think about all the disappointments i’ve had, all the hopes and dreams that were dashed. All my wonderful expectations, just annihilated. Real life just doesn’t care.
But this is the picture I have in my mind:
A disappointment is as if winter came, and killed everything off. But instead of being resilient, and bouncing back with a new season, being cynical keeps you frozen, in this state of winter, you’re afraid of spring, scared of summer, because this winter frost might happen again, you might get disappointed again.
And so, you’d rather just be in this winter season because at least you know what to expect. You know the worst case scenario already… so why hope for anything different? Why hope for a spring and summer to bring something new when you know that winter will just come along and kill everything… so why even try?
Cynicism is a deep suspicion that life will always pull the rug from underneath you. So you keep that part of your garden under a blanket of snow, of ice, protected from any growth that will just get killed off and die anyway. Leave it alone. What are you jaded or cynical about? Starting yet another business after a failure, getting healthy and fit after falling off the wagon, love after a hard breakup, finding your purpose after going around in circles.
You got disappointed, and decided that it was easier to not hope or imagine that something different could happen next time. But nothing will grow in your inner garden if you decide to hold on to your cynicism. If you want to grow new things, if you want those corners of your garden to come alive, then you must
Thaw. Winters tend to be the most difficult season for gardens.
And goes what? You’re not the only garden that will experience winter, this cold and unforgiving season comes to everyone, you are not alone. There are also droughts, hurricanes, typhoons, earthquakes, storms and fires that have destroyed many gardens. And yet, we must clean up and continue to plant for the next season. It takes resilience to lean into whatever season is at hand.
One of the greatest teachers in this continued resilience is Nature herself.
I remember driving through the mountains of Malibu in California, months after the Woolsey fire in 2018 had devastated everything in its path. The photos I had seen were of blackened hills, houses leveled to the ground, and reduced to clumps of gnarled ash. And yet, as I drove through that day, the place was starting to look different from the photos I had seen. On top of the black hills there was a carpet of green. There was grass and other plants already pushing their way up to the top.
This is nature. No matter how many times she gets burned, she always returns with new life. There are always fires raging in California during fire season. And somehow, nature never gives up on us. Her resilience is remarkable, irrepressible. Generously returning to give what it must to the ecosystem, it does not hold back or withdraw, no matter the risk of getting burned again.
Nature does not withhold itself from us even though there will be another winter. Imagine if the trees said, what’s the point of blooming this spring, if we’re just going to lose our leaves and get frozen again? What’s the point? Why do we have to go through this cycle?
Nature isn’t cynical about the storms, the fires, the winters. But we are. We are afraid to get burned again, so we don’t push out the growth, we are afraid of another storm, so we don’t stand tall with our leaves, we are afraid of another winter, so we skip the seasons and just stay frozen because what’s the point if trying if we’re going to lose yet again?
It takes emotional resilience to not be cynical.
Take a cue from the resilience nature gives us.
Winters are inevitable.
But it is a season.
Spring and summer will come, and you must thaw if you want to see the buds, the growth, the fruits.
You can insist that you are correct in your cynicism, and that’s fine. You will be right in your cynicism most of the time, since one can always find disappointments in this life without looking too hard. But this is the easy way out, the lazy way. It takes no work to have nothing growing. You can have an arid, empty garden with nothing for yourself or others, or you can do the hard work of cultivation, gentle nurturing and have the fruits of Joy and Beauty that you and others will enjoy.
There is always a winter somewhere on the earth, but it does not always have to be your inner garden. Let the seasons come and go. Trust that they will. Revel in the summers, stick it out in the winters.
I know you’ve been disappointed.
We all have.
But you don’t have to stay disappointed.
Don’t let parts of your inner garden stay in this perpetual winter.
Let it thaw.
I will leave you with some of my favorite words from Albert Camus:
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
Love,
Tiara
Hey, what's up, it's me again,
We need to talk about something really important. So, there's a tricky thing that sometimes happens when you start growing your inner garden. I know we talked about having a vision for what you want to grow, and intentions and all that. But before you start imagining, planning, and planting, you need to know and accept your climate. Climate is the environment in which your garden will grow. A climate has its unique weather patterns, there's an atmosphere that allows certain things to grow, and other things just do not thrive within this climate.
You are that atmosphere for your garden.As you get to know your climate, in other words, yourself, your self-awareness will increase, and you will start to get revelations about what does not thrive in your garden, and what springs up effortlessly like weeds because of your environment. And this is where it gets tricky, this is where I've made many mistakes.
There might be a struggle to accept your climate, you want other environments that grow other things, and you're unhappy with yours. And so you waste all this time and energy wanting something else, instead of accepting and working with what you have.
I know you've heard this before, don't compare yourself and just accept yourself. So, I'm going to point out something else that’s kinda sneaky. Something that I realized I was doing under the guise of growth, and it wasn't actually helping me.
When you begin to grow yourself from the inside out, you will start becoming more self-aware. Now, you say a word like self-awareness, you usually think it's a good thing, but it depends how you use it. Let me tell you a huge mistake I've made, one that I'm still trying to unlearn: I've used self-awareness to judge myself even more.
Self-awareness brings things to light, reveals blind spots, reoccurring patterns, and I've used this as evidence for more self-judgment, to increase the list of ways I fall short, more reasons to hate myself... this kind of self-awareness is not growth. It does not give life to anything, it kills instead. There's no point to knowing yourself if it doesn't result in self-acceptance.
So if you're going to journal, and be introspective so you can be more aware of all the ways you are more unworthy and deserve to be punished, don't do it. This is not growth, this does not help your climate. When I've learned new information about myself, when I've had insights or feedback, this intense critical judgement of myself has paralyzed me instead of being empowering.
Self-awareness should be empowering because now you know what you have to work with. The mystery of the inner garden keeps unraveling. Do not judge your garden and hate your climate for the weeds that easily pop up, or the kinds of trees that will never grow there. Stop wasting time on this hatred, and instead, start getting to know what weeds you will be seeing often, and patiently figure out what will grow and thrive, and ignore everything else. You'll start growing your inner garden much faster if you accept the climate you have and start working with it.
It takes both moments of humility and pride to accept and work with your climate. To accept limitations is humbling, and a little bit of pride goes a long way when embracing and using your strengths as your climate. A climate dictates what kind of plants are able to grow within that specific region. There is foliage that grows best in forests, and while others thrive in the tropics. To grow what you can, you must know yourself, and when you know yourself, do not judge but accept. The world has a vast variety of plants. It would be impossible for one single garden to grow all of them. While it might be nice to think of the potentials that your garden holds as limitless and without boundary, you will have to get to know yourself and make choices that bring your garden to the fullest life possible.
One of my most humbling moments was a jungle hike to Mojos, Bolivia, the most remote place I’ve ever been. I was given the gift of learning some of my limitations through this challenge, and while learning the truth about yourself is not easy, in the end it is liberating. Prior to my experience in Bolivia, I had firmly believed that I could probably force myself to live anywhere in the world, in any condition... if it was for a good cause.
It’s all about mindset, you get yourself through things. But on the hike to that village, and the two weeks we stayed there, I realized: NO WAY. There’s no way I could do this long term. It was a come-down-to-earth, grounding type of a moment.
That fact was, that I wasn’t cut out for many things, that I did have limitations, ones that were very humbling, especially when others made it look so easy. I wanted to be that hardcore person who could hike into the jungle for days, cross rivers, carry heavy backpacks, live outside the grid, with no toilets and electricity, on the side of the mountain, and become friends with indigenous people.
It was embarrassing for me to be the last in the group, dragging my feet, trying to find some positivity, and utterly failing.
It was one of those moments I knew I could get through if I pushed myself, but I looked around and some people were actually having the time of their lives. And I did have some fun moments, but as much as I tried to get my mind to accept and find something good in the circumstances, my entire being was in pure survival mode. There were a few of us in the group switched on survival mode, I wasn't the only one, but there were also those who were fully and brightly alive. Like, pure joy was oozing out of their pores. This is something you can never force from yourself.
Now, you say, well, this sounds challenging by any definition, and yes, this is true. But the point I’m making is that I really thought I could thrive anywhere if I set my mind to it. That everything depended on my outlook. But no. This is not completely true.
We hear a lot about mindset, and our minds are powerful. But it’s an incomplete picture to just live in our heads. We are attached to our bodies, and our bodies have instincts… Just like nature has its own diverse instincts.
And you can focus on mindset all you want, but the body has information that’s important.Something that truly brings you alive will feel completely aligned, from your mind, to your body, to your spirit, your heart.
Mindset is very important, but there is a mystery to what makes us bloom. You flower and open in the way that you're supposed to bloom.Don’t feel bad about that. It doesn’t mean you aren’t able to take on challenges. The way that you grow best, will have its own set of challenges. No one grows their garden without dealing with the weather, the weeds, and the vermin. I know we like to drink from the waters of the “You are limitless” gospel, but the way to embracing your strengths is by finding your limitations. I know this isn’t a popular idea. We like to think that we could do absolutely anything. And to some extent, probably, yes, you could do a lot. But the question is: does it make you come alive? Does this climate make your inner garden thrive?
Sure, moments of humility will come as you learn about yourself, but equally important, you're going to need moments of pride. Pride in what you CAN grow, pride in the beauty your own climate provides. I know pride is seen as only a bad thing, but it can be very useful when accepting your climate. Now, there will be those who will tell you that your climate is not good enough, and what you grow is threatening or useless. Every climate and ecosystem is needed and has its place here on this earth.
And so if you grow prickly cactus in your climate, you'll have those who say that's not what they want. If you grow tall like a Sequoia, you'll be told it's too much and you need to save a piece of sky for other trees around you. If you grow delicate flowers, some will complain that a big tree with shade is more in demand. No one can demand something from your climate and garden that you cannot give. But in order to know this, you have to get to know yourself. And in order to stand up in defense of your own personal pilgrimage for growth, you have to accept your potential and limitations without judgement.
I realized that I’ve spent a lot of time trying to grow a tiny grove of palm trees when this whole time I could have grown an entire forest on the side of the mountain, if I had just accepted my climate. Learn from my mistakes of going against myself. Of trying to change myself. Not all change is good change. There’s a place in us that has essence, it has a flavor that we are born with. It’s a mystery to why we are this way, but it is a truth. And to shun it, to try to do the opposite because you think that there’s something inherently wrong with you has devastating effects. Plants need a core place to thrive, and so do we.
The sequoia trees are found in a particular spot around the world.
The Joshua Tree isn’t trying to be somewhere else.
The willow doesn’t try its fate in the desert.
They know their climate.
Sometimes we confuse growth and stepping outside our comfort zone with getting as far away from ourselves as possible. I’m starting to learn that this is a mistake. In trying to grow and leave my comfort zone, I've made the mistake of leaving myself completely. Maybe the biggest and bravest stepping outside your comfort zone you will ever do is coming back home to yourself, to accept that your strengths are also your weaknesses, and the offering you have to contribute to other people will come of a place that is both beautiful and flawed.
That stepping outside your comfort zone is not an external search of something out there in a wider circle, but a stepping into who you’ve always been, a world so rich and full, one worth fighting for… because there’s nothing comfortable about being yourself in a world that is trying to make you all things to all people. It’s a struggle to be at peace with yourself and find joy in your gifts, to accept and not judge your climate. You want to step outside your comfort zone? You want real growth?
Become yourself, and own it.
Thrive and grow in your environment.
Take over, grow a whole forest…
instead of trying to grow yourself as one little flower trying to break through the concrete only to prove that it can.
Alright, with that, I’m going to leave you with the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Listening, reading or watching is great, but I encourage reflection and a time to be introspective, because this is what helps us understand ourselves, we grow in self-awareness.
Knowledge is knowing information, wisdom is knowing how your mind uses it and how it affects you. It's time your inner garden had an assessment. Below are journaling prompts from the episode to help you get started.
Life’s not just ANY journey, it’s a Pilgrimage.
It’s not about reaching a destination, it’s about transformation.
The Break/ing is an introspective series that gives you courage and a different perspective on your own pilgrimage to finding and living your inner truth. This is Episode One of Season 2.
Hello friends!
Welcome to Season 2 of the Breaking.
It took me a long time to get this one out, and I’m so glad you’re still here for it.
A few things have changed, so first of all, this season is on video, so if you’re more of the visual type, head over to YouTube to watch it. Now, if you’ve listened to the first season, you’ll notice that the intro for the podcast has changed a bit. You’re probably like, pilgrimage! That’s an old dusty word, what are you talking about?! What happened to creativity and courage and all that?
So before we get into the episode, hear me out.Pilgrimage is an intentional journey, one that takes you into the unknown, and you go on a search for internal expansion. It’s a quest for meaning, beauty, joy, a higher good, purpose… and what we discover along the way is what brings transformation.
Traditionally pilgrimage is a very external thing, a journey to a shrine or holy location, but I want to take the focus inward.
I want to expand your perspective on this idea of pilgrimage, because it truly is a type of hero’s journey, an odyssey… it encompasses everything and anything we set out to do, that’s outside of our comfort zone. This includes creativity and art, if you’re starting a business or a family, going on a spiritual search, or healing from your past, this is all pilgrimage. An inner quest has no destination, so it’s a voyage that takes you into uncertainty, and all you know is that you need lots of courage and you may learn something about yourself along the way.
I’m interested in our internal journeys, so that’s why I’ll always focus on the change that happens within us when we move forward on our pilgrimage, and the digging we need to do for that emotional resilience we’ll need to find for our journeys. I know I focused on creativity in season one, but creativity is only part of the bigger story of our path to discovery and transformation. There are many ways we experience pilgrimage and so, we’ll be talking about this idea, this point of view for a very long time, and creativity will definitely be included in that, since that has been a deeply meaningful pilgrimage for myself.
Pilgrimage is a spiritual word, and I think any quest that takes you inward is a sacred one, so I’m not one to shy away from saying that everything around us has a spiritual component to it and we’re all walking on holy ground.
Thomas Merton said:
“What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it all the rest are not only useless but disastrous.”ah, that’s such a good quote!
This crossing of the abyss back to ourselves is what I call pilgrimage.
And you know something? No one else can take this internal voyage for you, you have to go yourself. You have to discover how to make that crossover to yourself. No one has all the answers for you, and be wary of anyone that tells you they have all the answers…. But there are guides and companions and signposts that helps us along the way, because after all, we’re all just walking each other home.
Ok, so Season 2 is called Breaking Ground.I’m taking the metaphor of a garden to give us a visual and a story for how we grow our inner lives… or in reality how we grow anything. It can represent your inner landscape, or your career, business, your art, your family, although I firmly believe that the most important thing we can grow is ourselves. Any change we want to see in the world first starts with us. I made the episodes of this season into a voicemail type of format, because I wanted it to feel like a friend just called you up and left you a loving message.
So, as we set out on our Pilgrimage of Growth, what transformation are you searching for? There’s a lot of mystery and unknowns when it comes to growing anything, and Breaking Ground is just the beginning.
Hey friend,
So, you wanna grow. That’s good! I’m so proud of you. It’s not easy, this desire to grow yourself, because it takes time. When you plant something, it doesn't grow overnight. AND also, it's not a one time thing, you can't just set it and forget it. When you're growing a garden, you need to come back time and time again to nurture and give it attention. So, yeah, it's a commitment. But I just want to point out two amazing things I see when you decide to break ground.
One, you are taking ownership of your garden. I know this sounds really simplistic, but for some of us it is difficult to take care of one’s own plot. There are many distractions, busy work, and OTHER people’s gardens. Bad habits can develop, like helping other people with their gardens, and ignoring our own. This doesn’t mean you can never help anyone with their plot of land, just be careful to not turn your back on your own for too long. I’ve made this mistake before, and when I finally had some free time, I came back to a garden that was burned out, dying, pleading for some water and attention. On the flip side of the same coin, I also sometimes made the mistake of allowing too many opinions to enter my garden. Too much attention, Too many voices telling me how to design and plant and when to water. Do this for a long time and you end up with a garden that is not crafted for your needs, desires, and what you want to share with others.
There is a passage from the Warrior of the Light, written by Paolo Coelho, you know him, he wrote the Alchemist, and this is what he writes:
“When the Warrior of the Light starts planting his garden, he notices that his neighbor is there, spying. He likes to vie advice on when to sow actions, when to fertilize thoughts, and water conquests. If the Warrior listens to what his neighbor is saying, he will end up creating something that is not his; the garden he is tending will be his neighbor’s idea. But a true Warrior of the Light knows that every garden has its own mysteries, which only the patient hand of the gardener can unravel. That is why he prefers to concentrate on the sun, the rain, and the season. He knows that the fool who gives advice about someone else’s garden is not tending his own plants.”
The first step to Breaking Ground is accepting that you have a garden that is yours and no one else’s responsibility. You know, it's very interesting, you are both the garden and the gardener at the same time.
The second amazing thing that is happening as you decide to break ground is ownership of your desires. When a gardener breaks the ground with their shovel in order to plant something, they have an intention. They want to plant something specific. They don't just throw random seeds on the ground to see what happens. If they want apples, they will plant for an apple tree. If they want herbs, or a vineyard, those are the seeds that will go into the ground, and that is what they expect to see grow.
It's up to you to cultivate what you desire to see in your inner garden.
You want more joy?
You want more love?
You want more fun, adventure, creativity?
That's what you need to plant so you can grow orchards that can perpetually produce these fruits.
I know, it's nice when your neighbors share the fruits of their gardens with you, but you can't depend on someone else's garden to feed you forever, you can't depend on other people for your joy and anything else you want in your internal life. You have to cultivate your own. So what do you think is dying or missing in your garden? When you hear people say things like: choose joy, have fun, be creative, love people, don't be cynical... you're like, yes, I like the sound of all that, but how, where? These things don't just fall out of the sky, and you can't receive them from other people forever.
You know, self-sustainability is pretty trendy nowadays. The knowledge to grow things to be able to thrive is powerful. If you know how to garden, you can feed yourself, and this sets you, and those around you free. Well, taking care of growing your inner garden is your place of internal self-sustainability.
Do you have an intention for your garden? You have to accept ownership of this inner landscape, and start understanding what you truly desire and want to see grow within yourself. What is the vision you have for your garden? What do you want to see growing in maturity years from now? You can create a beautiful inner landscape... one that is pleasant to live in and inviting to those on the outside.
I know that at first it will feel incredibly selfish to tend to your garden and tell your neighbor, not today, I have some work on my land to do. But remember, a garden is a long term investment.
You won’t reap the benefits of putting time into your garden right this moment, but somewhere down the road, perhaps when the season is right, you will have grown trees that provide shade for many to enjoy, healing herbs that you can give your neighbor, and flowers that bloom with incredible beauty and inspire those who walk by and are taken with their beauty. The most generous thing you can do sometimes is tend to your own garden.
Ok now, I must go and water a little bit of courage I am growing, I’ll talk to you next week.
Stay curious and courageous.
Listening, reading or watching is great, but I encourage reflection and a time to be introspective, because this is what helps us understand ourselves, we grow in self-awareness.
Knowledge is knowing information, wisdom is knowing how your mind uses it and how it affects you. It's time your inner garden had an assessment. Below are journaling prompts from the episode to help you get started.
As we learn and grow into newer versions of ourselves, there's this moment where we may look back on our lives and think with regret that we wasted so much time in waffling and being fearful. There's this sadness that sets in because we realize that we could have been this person sooner. But this episode is a reminder that nothing is wasted, every piece is a part of the whole, and we can create something beautiful and meaningful even with what seems like broken pieces.
Why do we settle for misery? I think many of us have been taught, maybe intentionally, maybe unintentionally, that sacrifice is the way we give back, the way we contribute. Today we're breaking free from our need of importance, and choosing to reclaim Joy as our birthright; a beautiful way we can be creative and contribute, and just live a better life in general.
Journaling PromptsHow am I settling for misery?
What if I let go of my need to be seen as “important”?
How can I broaden my understanding and definition of what is important?
What little things in life are important too?
How is joy important to me?
A philosopher once suggested that cultivating one’s uniqueness is like “riding a wild stallion”, while conforming is like “falling asleep on a moving hay wagon.”
If you’re OK with moving through life in a sleepy state, that’s up to you. But if you have a nagging sense that there may be more to your life, then, this episode is for you.
Today we’re going to breakdown how conformity blocks our creativity, and how our homes, schools, churches, society and other institutions and environments might say that they value creativity, but the opposite is true.
Journaling PromptsHow do I see myself when it comes to ridicule and rejection?
How can I push the boundaries on myself?
How can I challenge my way of thinking?
How have I been conspiring in my own diminishment?
How have I been erasing my own uniqueness?
If you usually wait for someone to give you direction, or permission, or make a way for you, then keep listening, because we need to talk. We’re going to breakdown how we need to trust ourselves so we can start directing and calling the shots in our own stories.
Journaling PromptsWhat would my dream boss or director be like?
How can I step into this director role for myself?
What am I asking for with my actions?
Where do I really want my story to go?
If you feel like you’re always in preparation for something and never really get anywhere, or if you’re waiting for 2020 to be over so things can get better in 2021, then this episode is for you.
We’re going to breakdown how preparation and anxiety are forms of rehearsals that hold us hostage, and how being able to name parts of our stories can help us be more present and keep us putting in the necessary work into our endeavors.
Journaling Prompts
What has caused me pain and how?
How do I create a more useful story about my story?
What chapter is currently being written in my story?
What am I practicing for?
How long can I afford to put off who I really want to be?
When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
When is loyalty good, when does it hold you back? Some of the most important learning we will do is unlearning some stuff. It's like breaking a bad habit, except, we don't know it's a bad habit. This is why we need to lift the hood sometimes and examine our values and actions.
In Episode 5 Acting Coaches: Time to Say Goodbye, we’re going to breakdown this idea that acting coaches can be people, institutions, ideas, or cultures that train and condition us to live or behave in a certain way, but the training and conditioning that we were taught by our acting coaches can only take us so far. We need to admit that we just don't know all the things, and what we learned a long time ago, may in fact, be blocking and limiting growth... so it's time to say goodbye to that conditioning.
Journaling Prompts
What if I treated myself like an institution who also needs to be called out occasionally?
What are things I’ve been saying I value all these years that my current actions disagree with?
What do I want out of my life?
Who do I want to become and what stories are useful to that future me?
We’re breaking down how we use Validation and Inferiority as props and how they hinder us from unleashing authentic creativity.
What would you be trying if you returned the borrowed stories you’ve collected about all the things that stand in your way?
Experience is solid ground. Gather your own wins and failures.
Journaling Prompts
What would it look like to live my actual story, and face my own real life giants?
Where are my feet?
What would I be trying if I returned the borrowed stories I’ve collected about all the things that stand in my way?
What if I tried my own fortune, and went on my own adventure to face my own giants instead of taking someone’s word for it?
What would it look like to create from authenticity? What would your work, your art, what would you be like if you dropped the masks, dropped your efforts to influence, to impress, to please, to be lovable, to win applause?
Journaling Prompts
Who is the “audience”?
What if I dismissed the audience?
What would it look like to create from authenticity?
What would I be making?
We’re going to get rid of some old tired scripts about surrender and God and get a new, more expansive story that helps us be more resilient.
You've been standing in audition lines waiting to be chosen and to get permission to be creative long enough. It's time to believe you already have a part. Yes, you might get rejected, but our reactions to rejections hold valuable information.
We revisit stories to rewrite them. What is the point of this podcast? Who is it for? What can I expect?