thehomeschooleducator-brelinskyville's podcast: Recent Episodes

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In this episode I offer an argument for why you need to build a library of paper books for your family. I also discuss the pros and cons of paper books versus e-books, share the science which shows it is better to teach children to read later rather than sooner, and suggest ways to inspire reluctant readers.

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Learning to effectively express yourself is an important tool. I discuss why creativity matters and creative ways to encourage writing.

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Education is much more than bookwork. Rather than forget that science or history lesson, because you are strapped for time, teach your children to do science, history or even math by studying and engaging in play and activities which teach them real life lessons.

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I thought our hike up a mountain would be a simple exercise in family bonding and physical exertion. But God had bigger plans. 

I learned to find beauty and meaning by being attentive to the present moment. And I discovered the strategy for turning a difficult challenge into a litany of gratitude.

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The dinner table is a place where bodies, minds and souls should be fed. End the meal-time battles and fussy-eater syndrome with a few simple Rules for the Table. 

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This broadcast was previously recorded for Homeschool Lifeline on Radio Maria. In it I discuss the lessons that I've learned in my journey from novice parent to becoming an empty nester.

While the younger half of my 8 children still have me in the daily trenches of home schooling/parenting, I have also begun to experience those changes which result from adult children moving on.

This program includes the 5 Do and Don't that I would tell my younger self. I discuss what is really important and what isn't worth your worrying. I also remind parents that good input is not a guarantee of netting good results. The prodigal son and his brother had the same father, but their choices weren't the same. Lastly, I consider what comes next after we've succeeded in educating and graduating our children. Are home school mothers always expected to enter the workforce outside of the home when they finish home schooling? 

Savor every minute with your home schooling students because the time when they are little definitely ends too soon.

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While accompanying my son at his college orientation, I met the deacon in charge of campus ministry. We’d chatted for a few minutes when he disclosed that he is the father of 6 and they home school. Naturally, I shared that we’re a big homeschooling family, too. Then I asked the next logical question, “What curriculum do you use?” 

After a few fumbled attempts to construct an answer, he smiled and admitted that he didn’t actually know. His wife, he explained, was in charge of the schooling. 

Is Homeschooling Woman’s Work?

This talk, which was previously broadcast on The Home School Lifeline on Radio Maria, answer that question and offers some valuable insight on the ways in which a father's role is critical in the home school household.

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This talk was original broadcast on Home School Lifeline on Radio Maria. In it, I discuss why "Consistency, Creativity and Flexibility" is my home school motto and why it should be yours, too.

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This talk was originally recorded for broadcast on Homeschool Lifeline on Radio Maria.

Pray, hope and don't worry. That was Padre Pio's instruction and Jesus, Himself, told us many times that we must not worry. But how do we actually avoid worrying? How do we end the constant temptation is become anxious? First, we begin by admitting that worry is not an action. Worry cannot produce a positive result. It cannot answer the question, solve the problem or fix our dilemmas. Worry is not an action. There is a better way.

In this talk, I share my 6 step plan for overcoming worry.

1. Recognize who is talking in your mind

2. End the drift into thought traps

3. Pray

4. Recollect the reality of the place and situation

5. Entrust the moment to Jesus

6. Thank God for everything

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Program Notes (the podcast presentation contains more content than appears in these notes.)

A debate is raging on social media because of the comments made by a Catholic writer. The writer, who is a mother, came from a family of 9 and in her comment she stated that all of her sibling and she are practicing Catholics. She then went on to outline what her parents did which led to the outcome of having 9 adult children who are still practicing their faith.

The raging debate seems to be focused mostly on the second paragraph of her comment. That's where she begins by outlining a few of the things that her parents didn't do. And she is right, you don't have to check a bunch of boxes in order to form your children properly in the faith.

My problem with the comment. Well, I don't really have a problem with her comment. She was right to share her experience and encourage parents to recognize that there isn't necessarily a list of boxes that must be checked. But, my issue is with the fact that great parenting does not automatically equate to great results and we need to keep that in mind when we have these discussions.

I've listened to many distraught mothers as they poured out their hearts, telling me how they did everything humanly possible in raising their children. They created loving homes, worked hard at their marriages, instilled the basic tenets of the faith in their children...and still a child or children have gone astray. Someone got involved in drugs, another is living with a girlfriend, still others don't go to Mass, the list goes on.

I know the trouble personally, too. Embarrassed, I was informed of something a child of mine was engaging in and exposing someone else's child to. I stood there rather speechless. I had addressed this issue with my children MANY TIMES, there was no way on earth that the offending party did not know that this action was AGAINST our family's beliefs and standards. But, still it happened. And what smarted all the more was that the informant offered a parenting lesson to me. I got told that I needed to be proactive in forming my children! I bit my tongue thinking about the implications of that comment and the myriads hours of my existence I'd dedicated and continue to dedicate to properly forming my kids.

I've got to say that as a young parent, I read the child-rearing manuals, I attended parenting talks, I intently weighed advice and studied other successful families. My husband and I made it our priority to set good examples and instruct our children in the faith. We believed wholeheartedly that a solid formation would net good results. That is, of course, what the books promise, right? Do this and this will be the result.

Time and experience, however, turned that notion on its head. My husband and I have learned that sometimes, in spite of our best efforts, a child will run headlong in the opposite direction. Sometimes they make heartbreaking mistakes regardless of thorough training in the virtues.

This reality is perhaps the most agonizing part of raising children. Because as parents we tend to have great expectations of and for our children. We want to hold fast to the conviction that diligent, thoughtful, loving parenting will result in productive, virtuous, obedient progeny.

We generally hold to the idea that we have the ability to harness our children's free will. That is to say, we think that our right formation of our sons and daughters will prevent them from exercising their wills in ways which are destructive or expressly forbidden.

Remembering that it was the same mother and father who brought up both the prodigal son and his dutiful brother, I imagine that perhaps those parents stood wringing their hands when that son demanded his inheritance and then fled the cocoon of their family home.

Maybe they felt like failures when the prodigal son used their hard-earned resources to finance his life of partying and debauchery. Maybe they asked, “Where did we go wrong?” Maybe, the neighbors whispered, “You, know, if they'd just done X,Y or Z then that prodigal son never would have run away and burned through all that money. He would have been a good son and stayed in the family business.”

Whatever the reason was for the prodigal son's revolt, home is where he ran to once he'd lost it all. Though he wasn't expecting the welcome he got, he knew that home was still the place he could go to repent and to heal. For all of the anguish his father suffered during his absence, the prodigal son's father experienced overwhelming joy at the sight of his return. And this is a very important point to make. The prodigal son wasn't disowned. On the contrary, his father kept hoping and praying for him. And when he repented his father welcomed him with open arms.

St. Monica modeled that kind of mercy and unending love for her stray son, Augustine. She never quit praying and begging for his repentance. It's said that he resisted his mother's attempts to correct him for 17 years. St. Monica wait 17 years for her son to finally listen to her!

I found this little detail about St. Monica which I have reflected on from time and time when I'm worried about my own children. “Monica did not lose faith. She continually fasted, prayed, and wept on his behalf. She implored the local bishop for help in winning him over, and he counseled her to be patient, saying, 'God's time will come.' Monica persisted in importuning him, and the bishop uttered the words which have often been quoted: 'Go now, I beg you; it is not possible that the son of so many tears should perish.'”

In the course of raising our own brood, my husband and I have shed tears over the fact that all of our best efforts have not always been enough to counter the temptations of a secular world. So, if you've shed tears too, you are not alone. Your tears matter, but so too do your continued prayers, fastings and sacrifices.

Just like the parents of Cain and Abel, of the prodigal son and his dutiful brother, and of Joseph and his plotting siblings, we can only do our best to form our children well, to love them unconditionally, stand firm in the Truth and to pray for them without ceasing, but at the end of the day they are individuals, as are you and I.

Though, as parents, we'd prefer obedience over rebellion, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that growing up sometimes requires hard lessons and painful trials. Children are not automatons into which we can program our expectations. And out pop our desired results. I know that we'd all like the book, conference talk, podcast or prescription that can insure the end results, but it simply does not exist.

While we may think we've harnessed our children's juvenile will by following this or that bit of advice or program, before long we need to release the reins and not every son/daughter is going to stay on course. Even great families who seemingly do all of the right things still suffer prodigal sons and daughters. I will say it again, that's an important fact to remember.

What then is a parent to do? Throw up our hands in despair? Throw caution to the wind and allow children to raise themselves? Hand them over to the village? Or maybe find a nice wolf den to deposit them in?

As parents, we're obliged to mold the hearts and minds of our offspring. We must cultivate their roots in a stable foundation, so that even if they wander the seeds of Truth will remain embedded in their conscience; capable of blossoming in due time.

What are 5 concrete things we should try to do?

1. Let dad take the lead. Statistics show that fathers make the difference when it comes to children continuing to practicing their faith in adulthood.
2. Live as a Domestic Church. Don't relegate faith to an hour or two on Sundays. Be every day Catholics whose faith shines into every corner of their household and lives.
3. Surround your family with faithful examples to the extent you are able. It is easier to grow in the faith when you have a solid support system to help you.
4. Discuss the reasons for this hope of yours with your children. Help them understand why you are Catholic and why we believe what we believe and give them the space to ask questions and pose challenging ideas.
5. Consecrate your family to the care and protection of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Enthrone the Sacred Heart in your home. Have a patron saint for your family.

I take no pleasure in learning some fault or indiscretion a child of mine has committed; however, I do take comfort in knowing that my children are free to exercise their wills. They are not constrained by me or my expectations. Because as C. S. Lewis so wisely pointed out, “...free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.”

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Weighted against your nephew's perfect test scores and your sister's immaculate house, your home schooling household may leave you feeling less than successful. But God's blessings are there in the midst of the chaos, dirty dishes and math lessons.

If you're just getting started on your home school journey or if you are trying to decide whether to stay the course, these are the top bits of wisdom that I've gleaned throughout my years as a home school educator.

1. Identify your reasons for home schooling, not your sister's reasons or your friend's reasons. What are you seeking to give your children? Who are you going to serve? Do your children have special interests or needs?
2. Form a mission statement for your family. Between you and your spouse set your intended goal. Incorporate your family's mission into the curriculum you choose and the activities you participate in.
3. Set a schedule that suits your family. Learn to be flexible, but know that children thrive when they know what to expect and when to expect it.
4. Develop your prayer life, as a family and as an individual. Make it your priority each day. The whole course of the school day will flow better if you begin by committing your day to Jesus.
5. Stick with what is working and avoid too much window shopping. If the material I already own or the program we are enrolled into are achieving my goals, then buying a new book or changing programs may be a waste of resources. Avoid the "kid in a toy store" mentality. Don't get caught up in the shiny new book covers and promises of new and improved.
6. Purge or change what isn't working. If the curriculum or schedule or teaching style isn't working any longer, or isn't working for a particular child, scrap the old way and implement something that works better. Get creative when necessary. Don't let extra-curriculars become a burden. Remember that mastery is the goal, so don't be afraid to restart a subject if your child hasn't fully grasped the concepts.
7. Form a support system. Go to Moms' Night Out and date your spouse. Find creative ways to make dates a regular event, even if your budget is restrictive.
8. Learn to find the blessings in every moment and express gratitude at all times. Our attitude effects our perception of our situation. If we view a circumstance as hopeless or overwhelming we're going to feel burned out and want to give up. Turn your chores into prayers of thanksgiving. Teach your children to gives thanks.

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This podcast is a continuation of my previous episode about today's workforce and the need to better equip our children to work well. In this episode I cover some more strategies for forming tomorrow's well-trained worker.

-Hierarchy/chain of command. 

The chain of command is critical in the military and it can also be necessary for problem solving. However, stay-at-home workers and the self-employed can look, to children, like they have no chain of command to report to. Single parents may also play a role in this confusion. In many work situations, there will be a chain of command that our children need to follow.

-Etiquette- the Proper Way

If your children are interested in careers in which they will be the "face" of the company, they should understand the reality of how their appearance can change their prospects when seeking work.

-GPS- Losing My Way

For a child who has never needed to read a map, GPS is one more piece of tech which can lead them to feel absolved of the role to solve their own problems in the work place.

-Let's Get Physical

Many jobs don't require physical labor which has resulted in out-of-shape bodies, but more importantly we've forgotten the value of hard manual labor, the exhilaration of a job well done.

-Intrinsic motivation and creativity

Motivation 3.0 is our intrinsic motivation. It's doing something for the sheer satisfaction of it.

-Vocation- What's Your Calling

We absolutely must talk with our children about discerning their vocation. What does GOD want for their life? They have a purpose and fulfilling that purpose is what will lead them toward the eternal goal. Before they get focused on careers, vocation should be a topic of conversation.

-Attitude

Attitude is the face we present to the world and it effects how we feel about our abilities and responsibilities. As the saying goes, we can make a mountain out of a mole hill. Conversely, an attitude of gratitude can change our thinking, our energy level, our desire to persevere.

-Get in the Business

Owning our own business and having some real skin in the game, so to speak, has really been the best teacher for our children. If you are able to start some kind of small business with your children. If nothing else, make some crafts to sell locally or sell desserts during the holidays. Open an etsy shop together.

If I teach my children to discern their vocation in addition to finding and properly preparing for their future career, they will end up in a better situation. They will be better equipped to fulfill their purpose as God intends and they will waste less resources, time and money, getting the training they actually need. Lastly, they will develop a healthier perspective of their value as children of God and contributing members of His world.

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My perspective on work has evolved since we became the owners/operators of a small family restaurant. Before, I hadn't given much thought to my children's future employment. I was unaware of the real problems that are facing today's youth when it comes to their long-term employment picture.

Now, as an employer, I no longer enjoy that ignorance. Now I see first-hand the sad results of what happens when technology and modern practices leave children ill-prepared for the duties of work.

Here's the thing though, as home schoolers, we have the ability to change this situation. We have the ability to raise tomorrow's workers, entrepreneurs and inventors. We'll make America Great Again by instilling in our children a sense of dignity and purpose so that they will have the determination and drive to lead in all avenues of industry.

In this episode, I discuss:

-the role of the worker throughout history and how that role has changed man's perspective of his purpose in society

-real life examples of how workers have forgotten the need to earn their wage

-the value of apprenticeships in history

-how the stay-at-home worker and computers are effecting your child's understanding of what work is

-how to correct misunderstandings

-how cell phones are leading to a communication break-down in the workplace

-how to teach your children proper communication skills and why that matters

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After I got done answering the question of Why I home school my children, the question shifted to high school. Once my oldest was nearing high school, I had to decide the next step in our education journey. I had to reflect on why I should or shouldn't stay the course. Additionally, I had to think about the end goal and how we'd meet it.

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People often ask me, "How do you do it?" when I tell them I've been home schooling my family of 8 children from preschool through high school graduation. I've learned to be ready for the inquisitions.

Reflecting on my reasons for home schooling has allowed me to better monitor our progress and endure the sometimes long, hard days when I'm second-guessing my ability to produce reasonably intelligent, generally likeable, overall decent human beings.

I've identified my big reasons for staying the course:

1. It's the Natural Choice

2. It's Part of my Vocation

3. We've Living as the Domestic Church

4. We don't Separate Ourselves

5. It's leaves Room for Life to Unfold

and I invite listeners to identify their own reasons.