Intimate Judaism: Recent Episodes
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In this episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn blend Jewish wisdom with modern psychology to explore marital doubt, intimacy challenges, and when to stay or go. Tune in for practical insights on transforming even the most challenging relationships.
The post Did I Marry the Wrong Person? Episode 61 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Many contemporary how-to guides to Jewish marriage in the Orthodox world encourage husbands to shoulder full responsibility for their wives’ happiness at the expense of their own. In the yeshiva world this is known as “being mevater.” Though teaching young men to be unconditionally kind and respectful to their wives sounds progressive, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the potential problems with this approach.
The post “Happy Wife, Happy Life”? Episode 60 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Choosing a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions one makes in life. Yet the process of dating, building a relationship and deciding to marry requires time and good relational skills. Listen as Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss dating and getting engaged.
The post Will I Marry the Wrong Person? Episode 59 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
In our latest Q&A episode, Talli and Scott address some of the many questions submitted by listeners regarding Judaism and intimacy. Among the issues they discuss are repairing sexuality after 15 years of “doing it wrong,” consensual threesomes, sex therapy versus couples therapy, when a wife wants sex more than her husband, tubal ligation, looking at porn to get in the mood, and much more.
To watch Talli’s webinar on Relationship Renewal, Commitment, & Forgiveness in Elul, click here.
The post Why not a Threesome, Sex in the Dark, Hating Nidah Laws and More: An Intimate Judaism Q&A Episode 58 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
According to Rav Yoni Rosensweig, founder of Maagalei Nefesh, an organization that confronts issues pertaining to mental health and halacha, “Jewish law is not meant to cause harm.” War, mental health concerns, and emotional and relational distress are factors that contribute to the need to seek leniencies in halachic practice in a way that reduces, rather than increases, potential harm. Listen to the premiere episode of Season 7 of Intimate Judaism as Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss mental health, intimacy and Halacha with our guest, Rav Yoni Rosensweig.
The post Hugging With a Shinui: Halachic Leniency in Times of Distress Episode 57 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The discourse on marital intimacy and sexuality in Judaism has become a normative topic of conversation. Rabbanit Shayna Goldberg, an educator and spiritual advisor at Migdal Oz, a Midrasha of higher learning for young women in Gush Etzion, believes that conversations about desire, sex and sexuality are relevant for unmarried women as well, and not just as part of premarital education after they have become engaged. In this episode, we discuss the importance of normalizing and addressing issues of sexuality for single women.
The post Inviting Single Religious Women to the Sexuality Conversation Episode 56 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Losing one’s spouse is one of life’s most difficult and painful experiences. The process of grieving includes feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and isolation. While grieving the loss of a spouse, one also mourns the loss of identity as a member of an intimate partnership and acceptance of a new identity as a widow/er. Well-intentioned friends and family members may urge those who have lost a spouse to “move on,” while others may pass judgment when they begin to date or find a new partner. We are grateful to Marc Tobin and Jodi Wachspress, both of whom lost their partners to cancer, for sharing their experiences in finding new relationships and providing inspiration to those who have lost their spouses to love again.
The post Loving Again After Loss: Dating and Remarriage After Widowhood Episode 55 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The infamous “Sex Strike” was recently spearheaded by influencer Adina Miles, AKA “Flatbush Girl,” in order to apply communal pressure to men and their rabbis to free Malky Berkowitz, who has been refused a get for four years. This initiative has created a great deal of outrage in Jewish Orthodox communities, and the “responsa” on social media platforms has been passionate and robust. Some have expressed concern that withholding sex, even for one night, is liable to destroy more marriages. Others see the outrage as the problem, and point out the lack of such fury over get refusal. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss the desperate need for immediate solutions to prevent and free agunot, as well as the drawbacks of this form of protest.
The post The Sex Strike Controversy: An Intimate Judaism Live Conversation appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
After October 7th, Jews around the world have felt besieged by some erstwhile allies, as some have been silent in the face of rampant antisemitism, and others have openly supported Hamas and its genocidal goals. While there have been many who openly support Jews and Israel, the war in Gaza has also provided a moment of reckoning as we discovered some unhappy surprises about people we thought were our friends.
A good example is the reaction to October 7th by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, or AASECT. As an organization dedicated to healthy sexuality, and one which has expressed opinions on hot button issues unrelated to its core mission, AASECT certainly should have issued a statement condemning the sexual violence against Israelis on October 7th. That, however, didn’t happen for a long time – and even when it did, the statement felt like a giant hedge.
As a result, Talli Rosenbaum and some colleagues resigned from AASECT. In this crossover episode with the Orthodox Conundrum, Rabbi Scott Kahn interviewed Talli, psychotherapist Dr. Shoshana Bulow, and sexual educator Dr. Logan Levkoff about some of the ways that the AASECT debacle is, unfortunately, representative of trends that are emerging in the United States. They also discussed the trauma of October 7th and the war both in and out of Israel, as well as the binary thinking that has led to the demonization of Jews, the prevalence of antisemitism, agendas that are embedded in the system to the Jewish people’s detriment, the fight against anti-Israel activity across the diaspora, and more.
The post The Failure of Sexual Health Organizations to Condemn Sexual Violence (crossover episode with Orthodox Conundrum) appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
In many Orthodox communities, premarital sex education taught by Kallah teachers is limited to ensuring wedding night “success” and encouraging strict observance of Nidah laws in order to “guarantee” sexual satisfaction.
Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they interview two Kallah instructors, Dr. Hadassah Fromson and Dr. Yosefa Wruble, who discuss how they integrate discussions about sexual pleasure and satisfaction together with promoting commitment to traditional observance. Sharing their research and anecdotal experiences, they demonstrate that religion and sex positivity are not contradictory, but are in fact complementary.
The post Sex Positive Premarital Kallah Instruction Episode 54 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
In last month’s episode, we discussed many of the physical, psychological and social factors that can contribute to sexual desire discrepancy in couples. This month, we are taking a deep dive in to the role of emotional intimacy, attachment styles and relational dynamics on desire. Joining us is expert Dr. Laurie Watson, sex therapist, author, and co-host of the popular Foreplay Radio podcast.
The post Navigating Sexual Desire Discrepancies with a Focus on the Emotional Relationship, with Dr. Laurie Watson Episode 53 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
When there are desire discrepancies between couples, women are often identified as the partner with less sexual desire. Yet the experience of desire may be different for men and women, and the expectation that desire should be equally matched can create feelings of frustration and rejection. The right question may not be “Why doesn’t she want?” but rather, “What does she want and how does she want it?” In this episode we discuss the fluidity of female desire, how biological and hormonal factors play a role, the differences between spontaneous and responsive desire, and the difference between cognitive motivation and biological drive.
The post Why Doesn’t My Wife Want to Have Sex With Me? Episode 52 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
As Jews in Israel and worldwide absorb the realities of the horrors of threat, murder and violation, it seems surreal to think or talk about intimacy. Often, one partner seeks closeness and attachment, while the other may need distance. We are in our survival brains and that makes us more reactive. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a discussion on intimacy, sex and peace in the home during war. Spoiler- it’s all normal.
The post Love in War: Strengthening Security and Connection Amidst Trauma and Threat Episode 51 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
A podcast hosted by an Orthodox comedian recently featured a controversial interview with a child sex offender. In response, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum created a panel to discuss whether there are potential benefits to learning more about people who struggle with attraction to minors and do not offend, as well as those who...
The post Should We Sympathize with Sexual Offenders? (Special Episode) appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The 15th of Av , also known as Tu B’Av, is a minor Jewish festival which in modern day Israel is celebrated as a holiday of romantic love, not unlike Valentine’s Day. In this mini bonus episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the Mishnaic origins of this day, and compare ancient and modern...
The post Ancient Love in Modern Times: Celebrating Love on Tu B’Av (BONUS EPISODE) appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Not since Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof has there been a matchmaker as famous as Aleeza Ben Shalom! Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a rollicking discussion with the colorful, engaging and entertaining host of “Jewish Matchmaking.”
The post “Date ‘Em ‘Til You Hate ‘Em”: A Visit with Netflix Star Aleeza Ben Shalom (BONUS EPISODE) appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
What happens to the sex life of couples during middle age? Does the familiarity of long-term marriage breed sexual boredom ? Does aging reduce sexual interest? What happens when intimacy is no longer mediated by nidah laws? Listen to Rabbi Scott interview Talli as she presents surprising research findings and insights that will dispel myths about sex in midlife and beyond.
The post Like Fine Wine: Sex After 50 Episode 50 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
In our annual Q&A episode, Talli and Scott answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then… you’re not, finding porn on your husband’s intenet history, coping with changes in libido, defining Jewish sex, the halachic attitude towards using a condom, and more. We appreciate your many questions, and encourage you to continue being in contact with us.
The post Sexual Compatibility, Condom Use, Defining Jewish Sex, and More Episode 49 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are definite differences between the way dating for marriage is approached and conducted in the Hasidic, Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds, there are also some similarities. Recently, a research study was conducted to better understand and promote awareness regarding the struggles that many Orthodox Jewish daters face across the religious spectrum. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum, together with study authors Dr. Michael Salamon and Dr. Naomi Rosenbach, as they discuss the research findings and recommendations for communal change in addressing these issues.
The post Is There a Modern Orthodox Shidduch Crisis? Episode 48 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Whether divorced, widowed or never married, seeking a new relationship is complex. While each individual has his or her own unique experiences and perspectives, being unpartnered in midlife usually represents mourning for having loved and lost, or not yet having experienced the joy of partnered intimacy. Added to this for Orthodox Jews, are conflicts around non-marital physical touch. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a discussion meant to encourage compassion to self and other, inclusion and hope.
The post Unmarried and Dating in Midlife: Navigating Intimacy and Sexuality Episode 47 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Numerous sources in our tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual, and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. However, If a woman has been taught that she must do what her husband wants and she is responsible for protecting him from sin, she will fear the consequences of saying no. In this episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss how non-consensual sexual dynamics can be built in to the system even as normative Jewish law forbids coercive sex. We invite you to listen to this thought provoking and important discussion about the importance of integrating sexual autonomy and ethical sexual behavior in Jewish marriage.
The post Want, Will, Should or Must: Is the Sex You Are Having Really Consensual? Episode 46 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Pregnancy and childbirth are profound events in the life of a couple. The physical, psychological and hormonal changes that occur to women during pregnancy and in the postpartum period can impact both partners and affect emotional and sexual intimacy. Couples must learn to adjust to a changed family system and a new identity as parents....
The post Navigating Relational and Sexual Intimacy During Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Postpartum Period Episode 45 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships and on marital intimacy and sexuality. Listen to Talli and Rabbi Scott discuss this as...
The post Infertility and Relationships Episode 44 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The liturgy we recite on Rosh Hashana includes references to fertility and childbirth. God remembers Sarah, Rachel and Chana by answerIng their prayers for a child. The poem “Hayom harat olam,” the ‘birth day’ of the world, evokes images of pregnancy. For individuals and couples struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss, this can be triggering,...
The post Infertility and Pregnancy Loss (Part One): A Conversation with Dr. Aimee Baron Episode 43 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss and harmony, suggesting that women stop being critical and demanding of their husbands, respect and...
The post ‘The Surrendered Wife’ and Marital Intimacy: Hierarchal Power Dynamics Versus Equal and Mutual Partnership Episode 42 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Judaism values sexuality in the framework of marriage, both for the purposes of procreation and for relational intimacy. But does Judaism sanction the enhancement of physical pleasure, or should it be minimized? Do the Sages relate to pleasure differently in men and women, and how aware were they regarding the female experience of desire, arousal...
The post Mindfulness, Pleasure and Orgasm: The Jewish Pleasure Principle Episode 41 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and some individuals experience their gender as distinctly opposite. Can Orthodox individuals who identify as non-binary...
The post “Male and Female He Created Them”: Trans, Non-Binary, and Orthodox Judaism Episode 40 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
In this month’s episode, we turn the mike over to you, our listeners, and answer a handful of the many questions you have sent in on email, Facebook and Instagram messenger. Listen to Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn discuss what happens to queer women who don’t want to miss out on traditional marriage and...
The post Straight FOMO, Hymenal Myths, Vasectomy Envy, Fetishes, BDSM and Mad at God: Listening to our Listeners Q&A Episode 39 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Reproductive health ensures that couples can lead satisfying sex lives, and make informed decisions regarding family planning. Decisions related to birth control methods are generally guided by various factors, including health, convenience, cost, preference, and sexual or other side effects. For most observant Jewish couples, these decisions are also informed by Jewish law. In the...
The post Reproductive Health and Halacha Part 2: Birth Control Methods Episode 38 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Reproductive health is relevant to all couples in their childbearing years. Family planning, fertility interventions, and the use of contraception are guided by values and Halachic considerations, and involve several other factors including financial concerns, personal and professional goals, desired family size, and relationship stability. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in the first...
The post Reproductive Health, Birth Control, and Jewish Law Episode 37 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
In past decades, being Orthodox and gay meant suffering in the closet, or choosing to live authentically at the expense of religion. Today, more LGBTQ individuals and couples wish to retain their religious identities while embracing their sexual orientation. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum in a moving interview with Rachel Weinstein, Shimmy Feintuch...
The post Out of the Closet Without Shame: Balancing Conflicting Identities of LGBTQ and Orthodoxy Episode 36 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The World Health Organization defines sexual health as fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and considers sexual pleasure to be a basic human right. In Judaism, sexual pleasure is valued, but only in the context of marital sex, leaving many people in conflict between their sexual health and spiritual...
The post Sex Positivity, Sexual Health, and Sexual Rights: Are These Jewish Values? Episode 35 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
During the month of Elul, hundreds of high school graduates flock to Israel for their gap year programs, yeshivot, and seminaries. This year offers experiences of high level learning, spiritual growth, increased maturity, new friendships, and fun. But many students experience confusion, particularly around their developing sexuality. The legendary “Night of Tears” refers to the...
The post Men Are Pigs and Women Are Distractions: What Messages About Sex Are Taught in Yeshiva, Seminary, and College? Episode 34 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
The Netflix reality show, My Unorthodox Life, has been the talk of much of the Orthodox world since it was released less than two weeks ago. It tells the story of Julia Haart, who first developed a shoe line, and quickly rose in the world of fashion. She now is the the CEO and co-owner...
The post Whose Business is My Unorthodox Life, Anyway? (BONUS EPISODE) appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Although quite common, painful intercourse is a topic that is rarely talked about. Couples who are unable to experience pain free intercourse, or are unable to consummate their marriage, may not know why this is happening or with whom to consult. Is this problem physical or psychological? How is it diagnosed and treated? In this...
The post Painful Sex and Vaginismus: It’s Not Your Fault Episode 33 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
Modesty, lack of information, and embarrassment are just some factors that inhibit observant couples from using products designed to enhance sexual intimacy. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum host Beverly Damelin, who shares her expertise in the field of sexual enhancement products and explains how they can help improve the sexual experience. Masechet Nidah 17a
תא שמע ושל בית מונבז המלך היו עושין ג’ דברים ומזכירין אותן לשבח היו משמשין מטותיהם ביום… קתני מיהא משמשין מטותיהן ביום אימא בודקין מטותיהם ביום הכי נמי מסתברא דאי ס”ד משמשין מזכירין אותן לשבח אין ה”נ דאגב דאיכא אונס שינה מגניא באפיה. Come and hear: The House of Munbaz the King was accustomed to doing three things, and they are remembered positively for them. First, they would have marital intercourse during the day… Say instead that this refers to “checking” their beds [rather than having intercourse] in the day. This is also a logical conclusion, for if it meant intercourse, [why would they be] remembered positively? [Meaning: even if having intercourse in the day is permitted, it is at best something neutral rather than a reason for Munbaz to be praised.] Actually, yes indeed [having intercourse in the day is a positive thing], because [nighttime intercourse may involve] the man’s overwhelming need to sleep, thereby making him disgusted with his wife [i.e., with the idea of having intercourse with her].
Rashi on Nidah 17a
אונס שינה – מתוך שהוא נאנס בשינה אינו מתאווה לה כל כך ומשמש לקיום מצות עונה בעלמא או לרצותה ולבו קץ בה… Overwhelming need to sleep – Since he is overcome by sleep, he does not desire her very much, and has intercourse just for the mitzvah of onah or to appease her, while his heart is fed up with her…

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The post Lubricants, Vibrators, and Sex Toys for Marital Enhancement Episode 32 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.
“Forced marriage” and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when they aren’t sure about the partner, aren’t ready for marriage, or are uncertain of their sexual orientation? How do young people know that they are ready for marriage, and what barriers might impede informed consent? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn in a discussion about this controversial topic. Become an Intimate Judaism Patreon subscriber to get additional episodes, merch and more. Just go to https://www.patreon.com/intimatejudaism! Forthright and frank, yet respectful and sensitive, I Am for My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribnerwill help couples enrich their marital and sexual lives, and maintain passion and intimacy within the framework of Jewish tradition.
To order your copy of I Am for My Beloved click here: The post Consent and Coercion: What Does Forced Marriage and Obligatory Sex Look Like in the Jewish Community? Episode 31 appeared first on Intimate Judaism.