Intentional Living with Tanya Hale: Recent Episodes

Tanya Hale: Certified Life Coach

Join certified LDS mid-life coach Tanya Hale on a journey of discovering how to navigate middle-age with more meaning, acceptance, contentment, and happiness.

It can be so easy to neglect the relationships we most value because we have this ideas that they will always be there. And then, because of the neglect, they are no longer there. We may still be married, but we are distant and disconnected, and it can seem daunting to find our way back to connection. But it is possible to change the trajectory of our disconnected relationship and come back into feeling close and connected again. It will take some courage, it will take some intentional efforts, and it will require vulnerability, but you can do it if you really decide it’s what you want.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#244 The Relationship Circle

#289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation.

#295 Safety in the Relationship Circle

#296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationships

#298 Friendship In Marriage

#302 Gottman’s Four Horsemen – Destroying Relationships Has Never Been So Easy

#341 Choosing To Be All In

#342 What Does Vulnerability Look Like?

#343 Greatest Hits – Why Vulnerability Matters

#344 Are You a Safe Place for Vulnerability?

#347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair

#357 How to Be More Understanding

Check out this article:

https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

When we over-function, we are stepping into other people’s lanes and taking responsibility that is not ours. When we under-function, we are stepping back and inviting people into our lane to do things that we are responsible for doing. These one-up and one-down behaviors are so detrimental to our relationships and not only stem from our own insecurities but also feed the insecurities of others and promote resentment in everyone involved. This conversation with fellow mid-life relationship coach, Jane Copier, discusses the impact of over- and under-functioning and provides great examples to help you see how you might unknowingly be adding to the dysfunction of your relationships.

Want to find Jane?

Podcast: ‘Happy in the Middle’, and specifically episode #83 How to Stop Over-Functioning

Website: https://janecopiercoaching.com

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@coachformidlifewomen IG: https://www.instagram.com/jane.copier.coaching/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/LDSChristianMarriageCoach Email: jane@janecopier.com Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#110 The Cost of Being Right

#216 One Up and One Down Relationships

#271 Equal Partnerships

#272 Stay In Your Own Lane

#277 Your Spouse Is Not Your Responsibility

#287 Equality In Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

#304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

#309 What An Equal Relationship Looks Like

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Continuing our journey this week of discovering ways that we can ive a more luxurious life by creating energy, living in alignment with our values, and stepping into the person we have the possibility of being. Living a luxurious life requires intention and focus, it requires discipline and dedication. And it is so worth it. When we are living with a bucket that is filled to overflowing, we are living a beautiful life.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#7 Boundaries, part 1

#8 Boundaries, part 2

#9 Boundaries, part 3

#37 Self-Care

#86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

#143 Stuck in Perfectionism

#148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships

#173 A Space for Grace

#174 Better Boundaries

#230 People-Pleasing

#238 Overflow

#242 Circling Back Around

#268 Drama Response

#270 People Pleasing and Kindness – What’s the Difference?

#314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard

#331 Sense of Self

#332 Sense of Self – It’s All In Your Head

#333 Sense of Self and Dating

#334 Sense of Self and Marriage

#335 Sense of Self and Parenting

#336 Sense of Self and Our Spirituality

#337 Sense of Self and Our Sexuality

#349 It’s Okay If People Don’t Like You

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us dream of living a luxurious life, and we tend to confine that idea to materialistic luxury, houses and cars and clothing and jewelry and travel, all the things money can buy. And yet there is another type of luxury I want to talk about with you today, and it’s the luxury of living in alignment with our God-given possibility, the luxury of living a life that creates more energy than it expends, a life of feeling amazing in the love we have for ourselves, for others, and for God. This is luxury that feels like a pearl of great price, something we are willing to sacrifice our tolerable life for.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#130 Exploring Our Darkness

#183 Taking Risks and Becoming

#204 Being a Peacemaker

#218 Honest Relationships

#238 Overflow

#241 Forgiving Others

#243 Having More Honest Relationships

#271 Equal Partnerships

#287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

#299 Love Is Not a Reward

#309 What An Equal Relationship Looks Like

#331 Sense of Self

#332 Sense of Self – It’s All In Your Head

#333 Sense of Self and Dating

#334 Sense of Self and Marriage

#335 Sense of Self and Parenting

#347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair

#357 How to Be More Understanding

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Sexuality between men and women can get complicated because we experience it so differently. And until we can begin to understand and accept those differences, and then learn to work with them rather than fighting against them, we will struggle to find the connection and intimacy that a great sexual relationship has to offer us. In this podcast I am speaking with Dan Purcell, a life coach and Christian couples sex expert about what women may not know about men's sexuality. You can find more of Dan on his popular podcast Get Your Marriage On.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

#337 Sense of Self and Our Sexuality

#345 Men's Sexuality and Intimacy with Sione

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

If we want to increase the intimacy and connection in our relationships, it is imperative that we show up as a safe person who creates a safe space. Often, the patterns we have established in our relationships are the opposite of safe, they cause our primitive brains to go into hyper protective mode and want to run away emotionally and physically. But when we can learn to show up safe, time and time again, we can create a space where our spouse may be willing to start engaging in vulnerability, in the openness and honesty necessary to deepen our engagement.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#3 Resolving Conflict

#20 Blame and Responsibility

#51 The Silent Treatment

#60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors

#61 Charity is the Antidote

#75 Emotional Adulthood

#143 Stuck in Perfectionism

#193 No Back-Burner Issues

#197 Connecting Through Conflict

#230 People Pleasing

#239 How to Own Your Own

#240 Passive-Aggressive Behavior

#242 Circling Back Around

#270 People Pleasing and Kindness – What’s the Difference?

#304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

#319 Get Ready to Rock the Boat

#357 How to be More Understanding

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Difficult emotions can be, well, difficult. And because they don’t feel good, we will often dismiss, ignore, or resist them, which can be unfortunate when there is so much amazing information behind the emotions we are feeling and why we are feeling them. When we can learn to be aware of the emotion and then step into curiosity to figure out what it is teaching us about ourselves, we become empowered to make the changes necessary for positive movement in our lives. And living in alignment with who we really want to be is one of the most empowering things we can do.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#75 Emotional Adulthood

#194 When You Feel Sad, or Bad, or Mad

#219 The Truth About the Struggle

#225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment

#252 How to Courage Up In the Face of Fear

#254 When You Feel Resentment

#306 The Problem with Happiness

#348 Entitled Expectation

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Our insecurities and the protective nature of our primitive brain can make meaningful connection in our relationships difficult. These protective tendencies make it difficult for us to step into truly listening and seeking to understand the other person. When we can learn to consciously set aside these human tendencies to preserve and protect ourselves, in areas where we really don’t need protecting, we can step in to truly understand and connect with the other person, relationships change for the better. This podcast teaches you three things you can do to better understand and connect with others around you.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#3 Resolving Conflict

#5 Learning to Listen

#41 Correcting and Connecting

#77 Other People’s Opinions #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong #197 Connecting Through Conflict #242 Circling Back Around

#251 Contention is a Choice

#258 Communication That Connects

#283 How To Be a Better Partner

#289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation

#295 Safety in the Relationship Circle

#296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship

#347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

When Stacey first met me for her free consult, she was months out from a divorce and really struggling getting her feet on the ground. She was stuck in victim mentality and it was impacting the relationships with her children, herself, and everyone else. We started coaching one-on-one, and within 1 1/2 years, Stacy was on solid ground, had cleaned up her relationships with her children, and met and married a man who has to be her soul mate. Listen to Stacey share her story of growth and progress and finding love again in her 50s. Spoiler alert: she didn't always like me when we got off of a call. . .

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#4 How to Change #28 How to Coach Yourself #49 Fixing Yourself

#117 Anti-Responsibility

#118 100% Responsibility

#139 Being a Martyr

#140 Still Being a Martyr

#141 Coaching & Counseling. What's the Difference?

#213 Thriving Post-Divorce - An Interview with Jody Moore

#246 Self Coaching Strategies

#250 Being a Victim

#291 Divorce and Self-Worth

#292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce

#308 Stop Dabbling and Start Doing

#312 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 1

#313 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 2

#330 Stuck to Your Ex

#350 Getting Back Up After Divorce

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Besides all of the life changes that occur in middle-age such as children leaving home, readjusting our marriage relationships, figuring out our next life steps, aging parents, etc., how about we add on a heaping serving of menopause where our hormones change and adjust and it affects us not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally as well. So much in such a small time space! On this podcast I'm speaking with Dr. Taylor Hahn, a menopause specialist, who answers many of your questions about what is going on and how can we manage our menopause in helpful and healthy ways.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#89 Mid-Life Teenage Angst #281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife #315 Mid-Life Crisis? Yes, Please! Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

For many of us, fun is something that became more elusive as we got older. We were so involved in making sure our children and our spouses were doing well, that they were learning and growing and having fun, that our own fun often got put on the back burner. And yet, having fun and engaging in play is an important part of our mental and emotional health and is also super important to our relationships. I recently discovered that I had some work to do around play, and it’s helping me to feel more complete, whole and happy. What about you? Where are you at in figuring out fun?

Here are some questions to consider:

What are you doing, just for you, that is fun?

What do you do that energizes you?

What are you doing that you lose track of time doing?

What are you doing that feels productive and meaningful?

If you have a partner, what are you doing with them that is fun?

What do the two of you do that energizes you, that feels productive and meaningful, and that you lose track of time doing?

How can you add more play into your engagement with your partner?

How can you enjoy being with them more?

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#37 Self-Care

#78 Playing Small

#86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

#169 What Don’t You Want?

#186 Are You Committed or Just Interested?

#226 The Best Is Yet To Come

#238 Overflow

#249 Finding Rest

#280 Living In Alignment

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us think that if we could just take a confidence pill that everything in our life would be different, because confidence impacts our courage to step into new and sometimes scary situations and to take risks that could make our lives better. And yet, we all have confidence. Sometimes that confidence is just in things, but what we mostly struggle with is confidence in our SELVES. The confidence to believe that regardless of the outcome we will figure it out and have our own backs and still love and appreciate ourselves. When we can learn to have confidence in us, then our lives become more of what we want them to be.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#11 I Am Enough

#35 Self-Esteem

#82 Courage and Fear

#107 Why Our Thoughts Are So Important

#113 Self-Acceptance

#114 Confidence

#137 Not Enough? Not True

#260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

#305 When We Don’t Feel Good Enough

#327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

#331 Sense of Self

#332 Sense of Self – It’s All In Your Head

#333 Sense of Self and Dating

#334 Sense of Self and Marriage

#335 Sense of Self and Parenting

#336 Sense of Self and Our Spirituality

#337 Sense of Self and Our Sexuality

#349 It’s Okay If People Don’t Like You

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Sione and I are just hitting our third anniversary. On this podcast we share what we have learned and incorporated this last year regarding how curiosity creates a safe space. Learning to slow down, to pause before responding, to remember that this is the person we love the most and choosing to show up curious and kind and compassionate have been important for us in creating a relationship that is remarkable. We can treat our partner with love and kindness and avoid the blaming, accusing, attacking, and criticizing trap.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#103 The Case for Curiosity

#173 A Space For Grace

#258 Communication That Connects

#286 How Miscommunication Destroys Relationships

#295 Safety in the Relationship Circle

#296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship

#301 The Primitive Brain Problem

#307 Curiosity, Not Criticism

#326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe

#344 Are You a Safe Place for Vulnerability?

#346 How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Sometimes we go into a one-down space and spin in shame, other times we might go into a one-up space and justify our poor behavior by blaming others, both responses that harm our relationships. When we can, instead, approach our struggles from an ‘all people are equal’ mentality, we have the capacity to offer ourselves grace for our humanity. Understanding that all people are humans who make mistakes, who are figuring it out, levels the playing field and gives us permission to offer ourselves and others grace for those human moments.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#34 Self-Compassion

#39 Guilt & Shame

#148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships

# 216 One-Up and One-Down Behaviors

#225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment

# 242 Circling Back Around

#267 Should & Shame

#290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships

#331 Sense of Self

#332 Sense of Self – It’s All in Your Head

#333 Sense of Self and Dating

#334 Sense of Self and Marriage

#335 Sense of Self and Parenting

#347 The Self Care of Relationship Repair

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Divorce is one of those experiences that kicks you in the chest and knocks you on your butt, and it can be so difficult to get back up. And yet, at some point we have to get back up and step back into life. And though it's a tough road, it isn't impossible and it doesn't have to take forever. In this podcast I share some of my own insights about my divorce and four suggestions on how you can get back up on your feet feeling stronger and more capable than ever before.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#22 Divorce and the Kids Part 1 #23 Divorce and the Kids Part 2 #32 My Divorce Decision #90 Divorce Trauma #119 FAQs About My Divorce #125 Love It Before You Leave It #167 I Didn’t Sign Up for This #170 Rewriting Your Divorce Story #187 Growing Up After Divorce #213 Growing Up After Divorce – An Interview with Jody Moore #222 When You Are Considering Divorce #268 Drama Response #291 Divorce and Self-Worth #292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce #312 Divorce Is Not the End, part 1 #313 Divorce Is Not the End, part 2 #328 Divorce Indecision Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

All of us have people who don’t like us, even if we are the most kind and Christlike person we know. It’s just part of our human experience. When we can learn to accept other people’s agency to not like us, we can let go of self-defeating behaviors like people-pleasing, perfectionist tendencies, trying to buy their love with time, money, energy, or resources, or beating ourselves up for ‘not being enough.’ The stronger our sense of self, the more we don’t need other people liking us, or validating us, to feel valuable and of worth. It really is okay if other people don't like you.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#77 Other People’s Opinions

#92 Clean Love

#220 Being Low Maintenance

#230 People-Pleasing

#257 Other People’s Agency

#268 Drama Response

#270 People Pleasing and Kindness - What's the Difference?

#272 Stay In Your Own Lane

#305 When We Don’t Feel Good Enough

#327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

#331 Sense of Self

#332 Sense of Self – It’s All In Your Head

#333 Sense of Self and Dating

#334 Sense of Self and Marriage

#335 Sense of Self and Parenting

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Expectation is a funny word. It means that we think something should happen a certain way or that someone should behave in a certain way, two things we rarely, if ever, have control over. What I’ve found is that expectations I have are often a cause of shame for the other person, and also for me. And shame is never a productive emotion. And yet, it’s hard not to have expectations. So, how do we move away from the expectations we feel entitled to have and instead offer more grace for humanity and more kindness for struggle?

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

#148 Grace and Grudges in Our Relationships

#216 One-Up and One-Down Relationships

#227 Staying in Your Own Lane

#241 Forgiving Others

#257 Other People’s Agency

#268 Drama Response

#290 Resentment and Contempt in Our Relationships

#304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

All relationships struggle, so all relationships need repair. Knowing how to repair is an essential skill for creating healthy and happy relationships, and that darn ego of ours can make it so difficult to show up in loving and kind ways because it wants to be right and it wants to prove to our spouse how wrong they are. But learning to show up creating a safe space for our spouse, especially in the context of a relationship struggle, is a valuable relationship tool that will change the trajectory of your relationship, while at the same time providing you with the self-care necessary to increase your sense of self and continue to show up better and better.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

3 Resolving Conflict

37 Self-Care

86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

92 Clean Love

110 The Cost of Being Right

118 100% Responsibility

151 Connection

161 Developing More Intimacy in Your Relationships

167 I Didn’t Sign Up for This

219 The Truth About the Struggle

242 Circling Back Around

244 The Relationship Circle

245 Transactional Relationships

251 Contention is a Choice

282 What We A re Really Fighting About

289 Why Our Relationships Need Validation

295 Safety in the Relationship Circle

296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship

326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe

331 – 337 Sense of Self series

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

I love Viktor Frankl’s quote “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I am reminded by this that my power, my strength, and my freedom is created in the space between the stimulus (circumstance) and my response (my actions). But sometimes that space can seem so, so, so small. We can tend to react impulsively, without thought, rather than responding thoughtfully. How do we increase the space, so we respond with intention, with valued alignment, rather than reacting with without thought? This podcast talks about how.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

26 Taking Offense

77 Other People's Opinions

163 Difficult People

175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You

231 Other People's Pain

274 When We Behave Badly

280 Living in Alignment

301 The Primitive Brain Problem

307 Curiosity, Not Criticism

326 Stop Being Right, Start Being Safe

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Just as women were raised with societal ideas and expectations around their sexuality, so were men. And so many of these ideas are actually harmful, and even destructive, to the emotional intimacy we desire in our relationships. In this podcast my husband, Sione, shares the concepts and ideas around sexuality that he learned growing up and how he learned to address them to create the emotional connection we now share.

Download Transcript

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

337 Sense of Self and Sexuality

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Learning how to be vulnerable can be a scary and tough skill to acquire. So can learning to let other people in our lives be vulnerable. Because when others show up vulnerable, it can shake our ideas about who they are, it can shift our relationships, and it can challenge our own difficult emotions. But relationships will only thrive toward greater intimacy when we are vulnerable and when we create a safe space for the other person to be vulnerable as well. Learning to allow and even embrace others’ vulnerability is the next step to greater emotional intimacy in your relationships.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

190 Protective Walls

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

284 Why Vulnerability Matters

295 Safety in the Relationship Circle

296 Creating More Safety in Your Relationship

341 Choosing to be All In

342 What Does Vulnerability Look Like?

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us grew up in homes where we didn't receive any training about vulnerability in relationships. We were fairly uneducated about emotions, and it is very detrimental in our marriage relationships. My previous 24-year marriage struggled with a severe lack of vulnerability, and today we're talking about why that was such a problem and the difference vulnerability will make in your emotional intimacy.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

190 Protective Walls

215 Being Seen and Heard

242 Circling Back Around

341 Choosing to be All In

343 What Does Vulnerability Look Like?

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we can have a great discussion. You can sign up for that at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

If we are going to be all-in in our relationships, we have to be vulnerable, and that can feel super scary. Sometimes it's difficult because we are in a new relationship and it can be hard to be the one to make the first move. Sometimes it's difficult because our decades-long relationship is struggling and it's been a very long time since we were vulnerable with each other. But until we truly step into vulnerability, we will never create the deep, intimate, connected relationship we crave. So, how do we start being more vulnerable? That's what we're talking about today.

You can find an Emotional Wheel here.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

190 Protective Walls

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

239 How to Own Your Own

242 Circling Back Around

284 Why Vulnerability Matters

314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard

341 Choosing to Be All-In

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Relationships can be hard. If we have created a pprotective pattern over the years, we may find that we are in a pattern of leaning out emotionally in our marriage and not having the intimate connection that we inwardly crave. When we choose to be all-in, we take a risk in our relationship, but it is also the only way to open a door that makes emotional intimacy an option. There aren't any guarantees how your spouse will show up when you choose to lean in, but I promise, you will be a better person on the other side of you couraging up and being all in regardless of the outcome.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

92 Clean Love

111 Checklist Relationship

125 Love It Before You Leave It

183 Taking Risks and Becoming

201 The Tolerable Life

271 Equal Partnerships

284 Why Vulnerability Matters

299 Love Is Not a Reward

309 What An Equal Relationship Looks Like

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

334 Sense of Self and Marriage

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

When a woman has devoted so many years to being a stay-at-home mom and then the kids grow up and leave, she will often feel as though she is floundering a bit to get her feet underneath her. What are her next steps? How does she enter the workforce with not a lot of 'working outside the home' experience in the last 30 years? Angela Ashurst-McGee is a career coach who focuses on helping women in this exact situation enter the 'working world' in the best way possible.

Here are some great things to know about Angela:

Angela Ashurst-McGee is a Certified Professional Resume Writer (CPRW) and the creator of Upword Resume, a premium resume-writing service for professionals who want to keep their career moving onward and upward.

In the last 15 years, the Upword Resume team has written resumes and LinkedIn profiles for everyone from blue collar workers and new grads to Fortune 50 executives and serial entrepreneurs.

Angela is a firm believer that a good job isn’t just a good paycheck—it’s a key to our deeper dreams of creating value and making the world a better place. She is an advocate and reformer who loves bringing clarity, confidence, and optimism to Upword Resume’ clients.

Angela is the mother to six teens and young adults and lives in Mapleton, Utah.

You can find Angela at:

https://upwordresume.com/blog https://upwordresume.com/career-re-entry-resume-service/ On LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook @upwordresume Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

89 Mid-Life Teenage Angst

128 Growing Up Into Middle-Age

184 Excited About Middle-Age

261 No More Growing Old Gracefully with Kwavi Agbeyegbe

315 Mid-Life Crisis? Yes, Please!

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

There are so many things we love about the holiday season, the decorations, the gifts, the music, the family getting together. . . well maybe not always the family because, well, drama. But what if we could have holidays without all the drama? What if we could just enjoy the people, the conversations, the sentiments and the season for what we really want them to be? Today we're going to talk about just how to do that - how to show up in a way where we can sit on the sofa after it's all over and just feel really satisfied with who we were.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

26 Taking Offense

77 Other People's Opinions

163 Difficult People

181 6 Tips For a Happier Holiday

231 Other People's Pain

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

I believe that the holiday season is one of the greatest reasons for stress and anxiety for a lot of people. Today I have 6 really practical tips for you on how you can step back from the stress, spread yourself a little thicker, and really enjoy your holidays this year.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

26 Taking Offense

77 Other People's Opinions

163 Difficult People

175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You

231 Other People's Pain

Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are two options:

Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

God created us to be sexual beings. Through a lot of social conditioning in the 70s and 80s (and probably before, but I wasn't there), we got a lot of mixed messages about our sexuality as women, and one of them was not that as women we were created to be sexual and find a lot of pleasure and enjoyment there. From this conditioning, many of us struggle to be at peace with our sexuality and to engage in healthy and happy sexuality. When we have a strong sense of self, we are more fully capable of addressing these challenging conditioned thoughts and moving into a more whole version of ourselves that includes healthy sexuality.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

78 Playing Small

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

114 Confidence

137 Not Enough? Not True

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

293 Dating in Mid-life

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

333 Sense of Self and Dating

334 Sense of Self and Marriage

335 Sense of Self and Parenting

336 Sense of Self and Spirituality

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

How does our sense of self impact our spirituality, or our ability to connect with God? Significantly. When we have a strong sense of self we see ourselves as worthy of God's love, deserving of His mercy, and accepting of His grace. When we have a struggling sense of self we don't beieve that God could love us and forgive us for our human frailties. Though God is always there with love and an outstretched hand, our feelings of worth and confidence will determine whether we are willing and able to reach out and accept what He is offering us. Our connection to God, our spirituality, is determined not by what God is offering, but by what we are willing to accept.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

78 Playing Small

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

114 Confidence

137 Not Enough? Not True

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

333 Sense of Self and Dating

334 Sense of Self and Marriage

335 Sense of Self and Parenting

Interested in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Having a strong sense of self is so valuable in our parenting journey. It allows for us to have healthy, strong, and beautiful relationships with our children, where a struggling sense of self breaks down our relationships and actually creates more struggle with our sense of self. The work we do to develop our sense of self will allow us to have better boundaries with our adult children and also stop people-pleasing in an effort to earn their love and acceptance. This strong sense of self empowers us to honor their agency and not feel threatened or insecure when they choose paths that we weren't anticipating. We just can't go wrong with a healthy sense of self.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

99 Parenting Adult Children

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

129 Parenting Discomfort

157 Friend-Zoning Your Adult Children

180 Better Relationships with Our Adult Children

182 How Our 'Wayward' Children Bless Our Lives

202 Pain, Peace, and Parenting Disengaged Adult Children

237 You'll Never Be Enough for Your Children

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

318 The Challenge of Parenting Adult Children

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

333 Sense of Self and Dating

334 Sense of Self and Marriage

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

This week we are continuing with our discussions about sense of self, and focusing on how it impacts our marriages. It is really difficult, if not impossible, to have a strong, healthy, intimately connected marriage relationship if we don't have a strong sense of self. When we have an underdeveloped sense of self, we lessen our capacity to really love and accept the other person and we severly limit our ability to do the repair work that is inevitable and so important to our marriage, two things that are vital for deep, intimate connection. Let's dig a little deeper so we can clean some things up, shall we?

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

78 Playing Small

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

114 Confidence

137 Not Enough? Not True

162 My 90-day Relationship

198 My Last 90 Day Relationship

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

293 Dating in Mid-life

294 The 90-day Relationship How To

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

333 Sense of Self and Dating

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Continuing on with our sense of self series, today we are applying it to dating. When we have a strong sense of self, we approach dating with courage, confidence, and conviction. We aren't afraid of saying 'no' or being rejected. That's not to say we love it when it happens, but it doesn't rock our world because we understand that people's preferences don't mean anything about us. A strong sense of self approaches dating from an abundance mindset, while a reflective sense of self approaches it from a scarcity mindset. And a scarcity mindset will set us up for a struggling relationship, while an abundance mindset will more naturally steer clear of people who won't be a good fit, and we won't be willing to 'settle'. A strong sense of self is the key to having a fun and successful dating in mid-life experience.

Thanks for listening!

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

78 Playing Small

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

114 Confidence

137 Not Enough? Not True

162 My 90-day Relationship

198 My Last 90 Day Relationship

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

293 Dating in Mid-life

294 The 90-day Relationship How To

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

This week we arae digging deeper into what our sense of self is and seeing how either a reflective sense of self or a solid sense of self show up in our lives. All of the work we do here on the podcast stems from a solid sense of self, so as we clean up our thoughts and get more clear on who we are, how we are, and why we are, we can be more empowered to create the life and the relationships we truly desire. Want to know how to strengthen your sense of self? We also talk here today about six things you can do to begin to move toward a more solid sense of self.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

11 I Am Enough

29 Validation

36 Belonging and Fitting In

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

118 100% Responsibility

130 Exploring Our Darkness

179 Being Kind to Yourself

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

232 Feeling Empowered

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough

310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Our sense of self, how we see ourselves, how we understand ourselves, and how we accept ourselves is core to our capacity to show up in healthy ways in our lives. When we have a strong sense of self, all aspects of our lives run more smoothly, from our personal growth and happiness to our ability to have happier and more successful relationships. When we have an under-developed sense of self, all aspects of our lives will struggle. We will constantly be floundering in our personal lives, in our relationships, and in all of the other things we engage in. We will not have that underlying sense of calm and peace, the fulfillment and satisfaction with the paths we are on. In this episode, we are laying the foundation for understanding what our sense of self is and where it comes from, and in the next few episodes, we will explore more in-depth how to strengthen our sense of self.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

11 I Am Enough

29 Validation

36 Belonging and Fitting In

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

118 100% Responsibility

130 Exploring Our Darkness

179 Being Kind to Yourself

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

232 Feeling Empowered

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough

310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us, when we get divorced, create a story about our ex that keeps us stuck. And even if you're not divorced, you may have a story about your current marriage or family that keeps you stuck. Stuck in victim mentality, where you feel disempowered and at the mercy of someone else to change before you can feel better. Very often, we can't change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change the perspective, the story we tell ourselves, about the circumstance, and that has the power to move us forward and get us unstuck. It's a concept that is powerful in any strained relationship in your life.

Thanks for listening! Want to learn more about this concept? Check out these podcasts:

31 Choosing Your Life 122 Your Story About You 123 Your Thoughts About You 291 Divorce and Self-Worth 250 Being a Victim 263 Greatest Hits - Being a Martyr 264 Greatest Hits - Still Being a Martyr 292 Healing and Moving Forward After Divorce 312 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 1 313 Divorce Is Not the End, Part 2 Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me? Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

In his book, The New Rules of Marriage, Terrence Real talks about five losing strategies that we often use in our marriages. I think all of us are guilty of using these, but when we are aware of what they are, and are willing to see how we have and do use them in our relationships, we can start to clean up our thinking and our behaviors and really start to create relationships that are intimate and strong, and partnerships that are equal and engaging.

Some decisions are harder than others. Everyone I have worked with or talked to who has gotten divorced says that their decision to do it was the hardest one of their life. Whether it's divorce, or another decision that is super difficult for you to make, understanding why it's difficult and how you can process all the pieces is a valuable part for helping you to make that final decision, whether it's to stay or to go.

Why is it that we can be so hard on ourselves for being human? We were created, by God, to be a human, and yet we can have such a difficult time embracing our imperfect humanity. When we can instead embrace our humanity, love the learning journey, and praise the imperfect path, we will not only grow faster and with more comfort, but we will enjoy the life journey we are on.

We all seem to have this innate drive and desire to be right. And yet, there's a pattern I often see that the more we are right in a relationship, the weaker the relationship is. This is because we often push our being right on others at the expense of them feeling safe. They feel judged, criticized, and maybe angry, but not safe. And creating safety in our relationships is a vital part of creating a healthy relationship.

Want to set up a free 90-min. consultation with me to get coached and find out if coaching is a good fit for you? Go to https://www.tanyahale.com/site/consultation and make that happen.

If you haven't signed up for my Weekend Win, a short weekend email with great coaching concepts, go to https://www.tanyahale.com/contact to start receiving those.

Remember the analogy about filling our buckets? I don't love that one. And the reason I don't is because I feel it leaves us always in a scramble for keeping out buckets full since we're always emptying them out with acts of service. So, here's an idea for you. How about if we move into a space of overflow, where our service for others comes from our overflow rather than from our bucket? How do we get to this space of overflow? That's what we're going to talk about in today's podcast.

It can be super easy to slide into a life that we're not passionate about. I've heard so many people say that their life isn't what they want, but it's okay. They have leearned to tolerate a life that feels far below what their spirit is aching for. And that's not okay. You have great things to do and amazing contributions to make in this world, and it won't happen when you are living a tolerable life. Moving out of this life requires courage and a boatload of work, but it is so worth it when you feel a deep fulfillment and a 'coming home' to who you are meant to be. So, how do we stop tolerating a life that we don't love? We start to recognize when and where we're tolerating and we courage up to creating movement. Let's do this!

Often in middle age we get really comfortable, and in that comfort, we neglect that inner voice inside of us that says we still have great things to do, that there is still growth and understanding for us to move into. And yet, it can feel scary to listen to that voice and courage up and do something different. But until we do, we will never find the deep joy and satisfaction that life has to offer.

One of the most important things we can do when we want to grow personally is to learn to be honest with ourselves. And when we rely upon the phrase, 'I don't know' when things come up for us, we are being dodgy. We are not being honest with ourselves because, we really do know. Sometimes it's just painful and a lot of work to look deep within ourselves to see what we need to see. And this resistance to self-awareness keeps us stuck. Let's explore why and how this works and how to move into the deeper work of figuring it out.

Last week we revisited a concept called 'clean love', a space where we learn to love without expectations of others. A question I frequently get when discussing clean love is, 'But aren't there inherent expectations in relationships, such as a marriage?' The answer to that is absolutely. So, in this episode, we are going to be discussing how to have clean love and also have expectations in our relationships for the best possible outcomes.

Today we are revisiting episode #92 Clean Love. This is one of my favorite concepts that I teach about, and for those of you who haven't gotten that far back in listening, here's your chance to catch up on this concept. Clean love is a space where we learn to love without expectation, without an agenda, something that many of us don't know how to do, and may not even be aware that we are loving with conditions. When we can learn to clean up our love, we show up better, and we have more clarity around our relationships and how and when boundaries can be important.

Many of us were raised to believe that not rocking the boat was the best bet for happy relationships, and yet, from my experience, not rocking the boat created an unequal relationship that caused feelings of either resentment or contempt in my relationship, both of which were very destructive. Rocking the boat is not only necessary, but also an important part in any healthy relationship, and yet we also want to make sure we are sending gentle waves and not a huge tsunami. So how do we do that? Listen in and see!

We hear a lot of talk about how hard it is to raise toddlers and teenagers, but not many of us were prepared for the challenges of having adult children. In this episode we are discussing five reasons it can be so challenging and how to work through them so you can be the kind of person you really want to be with your adult children.

Want to check out some more podcasts about adult children?

#99 Parenting Adult Children #129 Parenting Discomfort #157 Friend-Zoning Your Adult Children #180 Better Relationships With Our Adult Children #182 How Our 'Wayward' Children Bless Our Lives #202 Pain, Peace, and Parenting Disengaged Adult Children #237 You'll Never Be Enough For Your Children #314 When Boundaries Are Hard

In recent years, fawning has been added to the survival responses of flight, flight, and freeze. While fight is a conflict strategy and flight and freeze are avoidant strategies, fawning is referred to as an appeasement strategy. When we fawn we seek to bring ourselves into alignment with the other person, who our brains perceive as a threat, by people-pleasing, saying yes when we want to say no, or doing what it takes to avoid conflict. Though fawning can work out well short-term by diffusing the situation, it makes it impossible for us to create healthy relationships. Understanding what fawning is, why we do it, and how to stop is an important conversation.

Sometimes the decisions we need to make feel overwhelming and super scary. And because of that we hesitate and procrastinate, and we drag it out and cause ourselves extra hours, days, weeks, months, or even years of angst as we struggle to make the decision. How can we find the confidence to make decisions easier and faster? And how will we know if the decision we make is right? The answer to those question lies in our SELF confidence.

People having a mid-life crisis is common enough that it is often the focus of movies and tv shows, memes and jokes. It is often portrayed as middle-aged people buying expensive cars or running off and having an affair. But a mid-life crisis does not need to be something that brings down the financial well-being or the family. If we understand it and approach it from the inside, rather than the outside, it can be an amazing turning point in our lives for tapping into our life's possibility, of creating a renewed zest and energy for life that feels amazing. In that context, I absolutely say 'Yes, please!' to a mid-life crisis.

Setting healthy boundaries is an important part in every relationship, and sometimes, it is just so hard. When the other person is not happy about the boundary, when they get angry or make accusations or threats, it can be so challenging to stick with what we feel is important for our relationship. So, when we get pushback from those few special people in our lives, how can we hold to the boudaries that we decided to set?

This week I get to interview my husband, Sione, on his experience with moving forward after divorce. Though it can often feel as though divorce is the end, and it absolutely is in some ways, it can also be the beginning of greater self-awareness, cleaning up your dysfunctional behaviors, and creating a life, and even a relationship, you could only dream about when you were in the thick of a really difficult marriage.

Divorce is tough, and when it happens to you, it can be devastating, and it can feel like the end. And to be honest, in many ways it is. But divorce can also be the beginning of finding yourself in a way you never have before. It can be the beginning of understanding who you really are and how you can grow into a healtheir and happier version of yourself. In this episode I am talking with my good friend and fellow life coach Wendy Lee Johnson about her divorce journey and how what seemed like the end, really turned into the beginning of an incredible life journey. You can find Wendy at www.wendyleejohnsoncoaching.com or on her podcast 'Parenting the Tough Stuff.'

There are parts of our relationships that we would consider 'business', and parts that we would consider 'personal'. When we get the two all jumbled together, we end up with a lot of drama and miscommunication. On this podcast I'm talking with my great friend and fellow coach Wendy Lee Johnson about how we can recognize these two aspects of our relationships and approach them differently to strengthen them. Check her out at www.wendyleejohnsoncoaching.com and on her podcast 'Parenting the Tough Stuff'.

In Terrence Real's new book 'Us', (one of my newest favorites) he talks about our adaptive child. This is the part of us that learned to adapt to the dysfunctional parts of our childhoods, which we all had. And although these adaptive behaviors served and protected us as children, very often they are destructive to our adult relationships. In this episode, I am sharing Terry's insight about our adaptive child and how engage our 'wise adult' instead.

When I work with many of my clients regarding their one-up and one-down beliefs and behaviors, they often find themselves at a loss to describe what an equal response would look like or sound like in their circumstance. We don't live in a world where equal partnerships have been modeled for us, in fact, mostly we live in a world where the opposite has been modeled, in our families or origin, extended families and friends' families, and on TV and in movies. In this podcast, I dig a little deeper into what equal relationships look and sound like and how we can move our relationships in this direction.

Some of the areas where we can feel the most stuck in our lives are places where we are just dabbling with change in our lives rather than digging in and doing what needs to happen to create the change we want. And yet, dabbling is comfortable and easy and even justifiable, whereas committing to doing is scary and risky and requires some determination and courage. When we choose to move into doing, into some dogged determination to create the change we want, we will create said change. And once the commitment is fully made, we will even find and energy and drive behind us that will carry us through the challenges that will inevitably lie ahead.

When we're not paying close attention, we can very easily slip into critical words and behaviors in our relationships. Often, we won't even see it, because in our minds we are being helpful or just expressing concern or our opinion, but it can still very easily be perceived as criticism. And criticism breaks down relationship by treading on trust and respect. When we create awareness around our critical tendencies, stop criticizing, and instead move into curiosity, we create deeper connection and intimacy. Curiosity strengthens our relationships whereas criticism destroys our relationships.

We live in a society that can be a little happiness obsessed at times. And though the thought of being happy all the time can sound lovely, it's just not going to happen. Life is meant to be messy, to be challenging, and to provide us with a lot of opportunities to figure out the tough stuff. It can be difficult to remember this when we live in a world where discomfort is seen as a problem to be avoided rather than just part of life. This week we are discussing how to balance out the discomfort of life and our quest for happiness.

Most of us, at one time or another, have had a story that we are not good enough. And it can really wreak havoc in our lives. It can cause us to feel insecure, and from that place we struggle to be the person we really want to be. Understanding how to address our 'not good enough' thoughts is a life-changing skill that will bring a confident and beautiful approach to life.

It is really easy for us to create dysfunctional and destructive relationships when we haven't learned how to respect and honor others' personalities, preferences, and perspectives. These three things are at the heart of who people are, and when we reject these things, we reject them. And when we reject them, we shut down the opportunity to create deeper friendship and intimacy.

Although I talk about the thought model and use it here on the podcast, it's been a while since I talked about the basic parts of it and how they work together. On this podcast we will be looking at how the circumstances in our lives are neutral, how we have thoughts about those circumstances, how those thoughts create feelings, how our feelings fuel our actions, and then how our actions create the ultimate results in our lives. When we can understand this model more clearly, we have the tools to clean up our lives and our relationships in ways we never imagined. And it all starts with a thought. . . huh! Who knew?!?

John Gottman is a brilliant relationship expert who has done an amazing amount of research on what makes marriages successful. He has identified four elements of dysfunctional behavior in marriages that are especially destructive, and he calls these The Four Horsemen. These four elements are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. In this podcast we are digging into these four behaviors and learning how to identify and clean them up in our own relationships.

Our primitive brain does some amazing things for us. However, if we aren't paying attention, it can keep us stuck and struggling to create the kind of life we really want to have. When we learn to manage our primitive brain and engage our pre-frontal cortex, we have the capacity to really show up for our life in the ways we want. On today's podcast, we're learning just how to use your brain to do what you really want to do.

Today Sione and I are celebrating our second year of marriage, and we have a lot to celebrate! In this podcast we are talking about how we have grown this past year, tools we have learned and implemented, and ideas we have come to understand better. This is a chance for you to see how the tools I teach here on the podcast are implemented in real life.

I think a lot of us grew up believing, at some level, that love was a reward for good behavior. And yet, when looked at through the eyes of God, love is never a reward. Love is actually the first and greatest commandment, it is a law. The law of love teaches us that regardless of how others act, regardless of how we're treated, regardless of what is said or done, our responsibility in every situation is to learn how to love. That's a tall order, to be sure, and it is also the way to find our greatest happiness and best relationships ever.

Many of the people I work with who are struggling in their marriages find friendship with their partner to be elusive. It was there when they got married, and over time, they have become more and more distant, negative, and dismissive, until they find they just don't have a good friendship with their spouse anymore. And this is a huge problem. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert has said, 'happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. . . a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.' It's time to rekindle the friendship in our marriages, and in this podcast we're going to talk about how.

I hear so many people who just want us all to get along. What many of them are meaning is, why can't everyone have the same opinions and wants and needs? Why doesn't everyone just do things the way I want and then it would be easy? Of course that would be easy, it would also defeat a huge part of the reason we are here on earth, to learn to be more loving and accepting and respectful of other people's agency. So, maybe we're actually not all supposed to get along, maybe we're really supposed to learn to love and accept other people for who they are and honor their agency.

When we feel safe in our relationships, we feel we can show up with more vulnerability. When we show up with more vulnerability, we create more emotional and physical intimacy. But oftentimes, the behaviors we are engaging in in our relationships put the other person into protective mode rather than feeling safe, and so we struggle to create the connected relationships we really desire. In this podcast we will talk about ten ways we can create more of a safe space for our person.

So many of us did not learn growing up what it means to be in a relationship. If you're like me, you thought that growing up and getting married would mean that you would have someone to love you, to shore up your insecurities, to validate you, or to agree with your opinions. If you're like me, what you wouldn't have thought was that a relationship is a place to learn how to be more loving and kind and show up in a space of US rather than a space of ME. In this podcast we are digging a little deeper into what it means to show up in relationship to create a safe space for our partner.

When I really got serious about dating in my 50's, I used something called the 90-day Relationship. An idea baby of Brooke Castillo from The Life Coach School, I took it and ran with it. Basically, you're all in, fully committed, and figuring things out for 90 days. It was a brilliant process for me to figure out relationships more and to find my person. Through this process I discovered some of my most destructive patterns of behavior and was able to clean them up. Check out this podcast to learn more about why this process worked so amazingly well for me.

Dating in the middle part of our lives is a different ballgame than when we were in our 20s. Thank goodness! We have a much better understanding of who we are and what is really important to us in a relationship. And using the tools you learn here on the podcast you will be able to create something very different. I'm going to be sharing with you some of the ways that I showed up dating in my 50s that I feel made a huge difference for me finding such an amazing partner.

Divorce is a major life event, and one that can leave us feeling as though our whole world has been upended, because, often it has been. It can be really tough to get our feet on solid ground with all of the emotional and even physical turmoil that divorce creates. How do we start to heal from all of the pain? And how do we move forward into the life we imagined waited for us outside of our terribly dysfunctional marriage?

If ever there is a time in our lives when our self-worth seems like it's up for grabs, going through a divorce is it. It's a time when we question our judgment, our wisdom, our value, our loveability, basically, we question so much of who we are and the choices we have made. And yet, having a strong sense of self is so vital to our abililty to move forward and heal and grow. So, how can we hold onto, or even grow our sense of self-worth? How can we see our value even in the midst of one of the toughest decisions in our lives?

One-upping and one-downing in our relationships is so normal and expected for most of us, that we can often have a tough time recognizing when we are doing it. Here are two things to look for to help you be more aware: resentment and contempt. When we are putting ourselves in a one-down position, we will often feel resentment. When we are putting ourselves in a one-up position, we will often feel contempt. When we can learn to recognize these thoughts and behaviors, we can then start to figure out how to approach our relationships from a much healthier and happier equal place.

Validation is something that we often seek from others to shore up our sense of self. And this never really works, because SELF-worth is something that can only be created within ourselves. Validation in our marriages and relationships, however, is a very important tool. It lets the other person know we see them, we acknowledge them, we accept them, and it creates connection and intimacy. In this podcast we are discussing how we can better validate our relationships to create greater connection.

It's hard to know what to do when you're in a tough marriage. You have tried so many things to make it better, and often it seems that despite your best efforts it's getting worse. You're stuck in limbo trying to decide what to do and whether you should call it quits or keep trying. What can we do to make it better? How do we know what the right decision is? How do we make a decision we can feel confident in? All that and more in this podcast.

Our natural tendency as humans is to go into a one-up or a one-down approach in our relationships, especially when there is conflict. And yet, this tactic is incredibly ineffective in helping us to communicate clearly and get on the same page. In addition, when we engage with one-upping or one-downing the other person, we are attacking our own sense of self-worth, which then exacerbates our tendency to go up or down. Let's clear this up, shall we?

Miscommunication is a silent killer in our relationships. The tricky part is, we often don't even realize we are miscommunicating, and yet it causes so many fights and so much frustration for us. When we can understand why miscommunication happens, we can behave in ways that will clear up what both of our expectations are about and we can preemptively stop most of the fights before they even start.

When we talk about betrayal in relationships, we most often think of the really big betrayals such as infidelity. But just as important are the small betrayals that can occur over and over in our relationships that erode trust over time. Trust is such a vital part of our relationships, and when it's not there, we also don't have emotional intimacy or partnership. Learning to recognize our small betrayals and clean them up is vital in order to create stronger relationships.

Many of us grew up in homes where we didn't receive any training about vulnerability in relationships. We were fairly uneducated about emotions, and it has shown to be very detrimental in our marriage relationships. My previous 24-year marriage struggled with a severe lack of vulnerability, and today we're talking about why that was such a problem and the difference vulnerability will make in your emotional intimacy.

Sometimes our relationships can get difficult, or if not difficult, a little stale. In those times it can be hard not to check out and show up in a way that nourishes our relationship. Today we're going to talk about eight ways that we can be a better partner in our marriage relationships, or in any relationship. When we show up better, the relationship is always better. And since the quality of our life depends mostly on the quality of our relationships, it's always helpful to give our relationships some solid TLC.

Sometimes in our relationships we find ourselves fighting a lot. The fascinating part about this is that what we're fighting about, isn't really what the fight is about. We may think it's about them being a side-seat driver when it's really about our insecurities about being thought of as not being good enough or being wrong. When we can dig a little deeper into what's really going on, we can learn to have some meaningful and intimate discussions that create connection rather than fights that lead to disconnection.

Learning to step into our God-given sexuality is a necessary step to coming into a sense of self. And having a strong sense of self is vital in being able to create the life we are capable of and develop the equal marriage relationships we desire. In this episode, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife discusses how sexuality often manifests itself in middle-age and how we can learn to create a healthier sexual relationship in our relationship.

Living in alignment is a place where our thoughts and behaviors are aligned with our values. Just because we are human we will get out of alignment, we will say and do things that hurt others, that break down trust, or that don't exemplify our religious beliefs. Learning to offer ourselves grace in these times and then understanding how to get back into alignment will heal our hearts and our relationships.

I work with a lot of clients who don't feel they are equally yoked with their partner, meaning, they don't feel they are both 'all in' or even in at the same level, and yet they want to stay in the relationship. When this is the case, resentment and frustration will begin to take over our relationship and things start to break down and make it more and more difficult to stay. In this podcast we are talking about how we can work with what we have to create the best possible relationship and a fulfilling life as well.

My journey to become a life coach started when I was a teenager, and became a reality about the time I got divorced. The tools I teach have been instrumental in me learning to get out of divorce victim mode and begin to take responsibility for my life. The tools I teach have deepened my relationship with my children, my husband, and God. In this podcast I share a bit about my life coaching journey and how it has impacted my life in ways I could have never imagined and brought more joy than maybe people should be allowed to feel. And I may have cried a few times while recording. . .

Thinking that our spouse is our responsibility can cause a few different problems in our relationship. First, we can overstep boundaries when we, with every good intention, try to be responsible (take control) of their thoughts, feelings, and actions. It's more common that we realize and very subtle. Second, when we start thinking of our spouse as a responsibility rather than a choice, a person we choose to be in relationship with. This week we are talking about how and why these ideas about spousal responsibility will strain your relationship.

I often hear people use phrases like, 'I hate change', or 'I don't like change', or 'I'm not good at change.' And though these may seem like helpful phrases to express our discomfort with change, they are actually making the change more difficult for us. To complicate these types of phrases, using them also distracts us from the actual feeling we are having and begins to create disconnection in our relationships. Let's talk about it.

So many of us were raised with ideas about what it meant to be a 'good' wife, mother, daughter, sister, or friend. And we now use these ideas to beat ourselves up when we don't measure up. What if I were to tell you that being that 'good' person you aspire to be is actually unattainable? What if I could show you how you step into a version of 'good' that really does feel good, genuine, and authentic? Well, you're in luck! Let's talk about how to really believe you're good enough.

All of have times when our behavior doesn't match up with who we really want to be. That's part of being human. Understanding why we, and others, don't always behave our best is a great way to create greater compassion and grace for ourseves and those around us. And when we interact with more compassion and grace, we have better relationships.

Many of us were impacted by the Book The 5 Love Languages in our earlier years. For me, I was impacted negatively because I used the concepts as a weapon against my spouse, a way to prove he wasn't doing it right. In reality, focusing in on how he was or wasn't loving me was the problem. The solution? Learn to focus on the law of love, the commandment to love and learn to love better, rather than the non-commandment of receiving love from others. Love isn't the reward, love is the law.

Learning how to stay in our own lane can be tricky because it is often disguised as love and wanting to help. And yet, when we try to control other people's thoughts or feelings, when we try to control their decisions and outcomes, we are veering into their lane. So, how do we recognize and become more aware of when we're getting in other people's lanes? And how do we learn to stay in our own lane? Let's talk about it.

So many of us are miserable in partnerships because we feel unseen and unheard. We feel that our wants and needs are not considered and that our worth depends on how well we fulfill the wants and needs of others, especially our partner. And yet, the true connection and intimacy we so deeply desire will never be available to us until we step into equal partnership with them, and that starts with us becoming an equal partner.

I am often asked what the difference is between people pleasing and being kind. It's a great question because often the behavior will look exactly the same. The difference lies in our motives behind the behaviors. Are we engaging from a place of fear and trying to control the other person's feelings or behaviors in some way, or are we engaging from a place of love and choosing to show up the way we want to? When we can learn to tune into our own motivations, we can clean up our engagements with others and reduce the people pleasing behaviors that destroy our relationships with others and ourselves.

The phrase 'I'm fine' can be so destructive to our relationships. Often we use it to deflect having a tough conversation, but what we're really doing is lying and gaslighting. What we are really doing is burying our thoughts and feelings and letting them fester until we've got a lot of resentment brewing inside of us. Let's talk about how to stop being fine and start being honest.

Our tendency as humans to have a drama response to situations is so normal. But not helpful. Dropping into drama expends a lot of energy, causes us to show up in ways we're not proud of later, and often damages relationships. In this podcast I share four ways to recognize when we're having a drama response and keep from going there.

'Should' is a word that is used way more in our conversations than it 'should' be. It's a passive-aggressive word that pulls our judgment and lack of acceptance into a nice little bundle that says, 'you're not doing it right,' and 'you're not good enough,' even though it sounds much softer and seemingly kinder. But it's still destructive to our relationships, both with others and with ourselves. Learning to clean up the 'shoulds' from your conversation will help you show up with more kindness and compassion and stop heaping shame onto others.

There are things in life that happen to us that are not our fault. For example, our spouse may have an affair and want a divorce. To stay out of victim mentality, it's important that we step into responsibility for our situations in life. But how do we take responsibility when it really isn't our fault? When what we're going through is because of someone else's choices?

Another blast from the past! I love this episode so much, it's a replay of episode #195, What Are You Sorry For? 'I'm sorry' is probably one of the most used phrases by women in our society. We have been conditioned to use this phrase not just when we have done something hurtful or wrong, but very often even when we are just taking up space as a human. Today we're going to take a closer look at why it's important to stop apologizing for being a breathing human and how to acknowledge our space in the world with more gratitude and grace.

Engaging in martyr behavior can be really easy for so many of us. In this week's podcast we're digging deeper into specific behaviors that a martyr engages in, and also ways that you can start to work through your own martyr tendencies.

This week I'm playing for you another great podcast from the past. Being a martyr is something that can come so easily for many of us, and being able to recognize how and when and where it is showing up in our lives can really help us to feel more powerful in our lives as we clean up our engagements with other people and show up more honestly and loving.

The Law of the Lid is a concept taught by John C. Maxwell, a leadership expert. When applied to the work we do here, we are talking about how our own self love puts a lid on our capacity to both give and receive love to and from others. When applied to people in our lives with whom we struggle to connect emotionally, this concept can help you to understand them and show up with more compassion and grace.

You know that phrase 'growing old gracefully'? It's time for a shift. How about we all start thinking about Growing Old Boldly? My friend, and fellow mid-life coach Kwavi, joins me today for a discussion about how we can start living more boldly as we age, and not less. We have so much amazingness to contribute to the world as we age, so let's jump in with both feet!

What makes a person lovable? Is it their charisma? Their kindness? Their willingness to serve? Actually, it isn't any of those things. Those things might make it easier to love someone, but whether we do love someone or not depends solely on our love ability. If you're interested in increasing your ability to love others, listen up!

When we struggle to show up our best selves, it can be really frustrating, even disheartening. And when we have a tendency to get on our case and even beat ourselves up for our mistakes and short-comings, we start digging a hole that makes it hard to start moving forward again. But when we can extend grace to ourselves for when we fall short of our ideal, we create a place that is so much easier to get moving again in the direction we want. Embracing the idea that sometimes we are just human and don't make decisions in alignment with what we want, is a powerful place to be, I call that the Sometimes Space. It's a beautiful place of acceptance and love and compassion.

Communication can be the source of our greatest connections to other people, or it can be the source of some of our greatest disconnections to other people. When communication is not happening or when things are misinterpreted, we create frustrations and relationship breakdowns. But when understood and entered into with intention and curiosity, communication can be just the thing to bring emotional intimacy and connection to the people we love. Good communication can change your relationship, and what we talk about today will get you started.

Have you ever said something like, 'I just wish I could take their agency away and make them do what I know is best for them!'? I think probably most of us have at some point, especially if we have adult children! And yet, agency is not only a gift from God for us to learn from our own choices, but it is also a gift from God to help us learn how to become more like Him in honoring and respecting others' agency. When we can learn to really accept other people's agency, then we are learning how to show up in more Christlike and loving ways.

Learning to advocate for ourselves is a skill that many of us haven't acquired yet, and until we do, we will struggle with self-respect and with having the equal relationships that we desire. When we come to realize that our wants and needs are just as important and valid as anyone else's, we can advocate with more clarity and confidence. Fellow life and divorce coach Samantha Nielsen joins me today in a discussion about what advocating means, why it's important, and how to do it.

Gaslighting is a term that has really gained some traction in the past 12 years, and some of us may still be a little sketchy on what exactly it means. In today's podcast, I reference two articles that give concrete examples and phrases that will help you understand with more what gaslighting is so that you can increase your awareness of where you may be showing up manipulating others with gaslighting techniques.

All of us have felt resentment at one time or another. Resentment is one of those emotions that we call 'indulgent emotions' because it may feel good and justified, and even feel like it's productive, when in reality, it keeps us stuck. And it usually keeps us stuck in a place we don't want. So, how do we work through resentment and into movement again? That's what today's podcast is all about.

Do you ever struggle with motivation? I think it's just part of the human condition to have to figure out how to get things done. And although there are a lot of quick tricks and tips we can use to get us moving, in this podcast we're talking about how to change your thinking around the things you want to do so that your motivation comes from your brain and you become more intrinsically motivated to do the things you really want to.

All of us have fear in our lives, it's part of being a human. If we let it, this fear will hold us back from experiencing life to its fullest and growing into the person we have the capacity to become. So, how do we manage our fear? How do we summon the courage to do the things we are scared to do? How do we courage up? Check out today's episode and let's talk about it!

What if we could learn how to keep out of contention more often and instead create greater connection? Contention really is a choice, and so is connection. Learning to set aside our fear-based responses and choose to respond with love instead will help us to create greater emotional intimacy from those tricky situations.

It can be so easy to allow ourselves to slip into victim thinking. Being able to recognize when we get there and understand how to move ourselves out of it is a powerful tool that puts us back in charge of where our life is going. When we can rid ourselves of the villain by no longer blaming but rather taking responsibility, we are no longer the victim, and then we can become the hero of our own story.

In our lives that are often filled with so much stuff and stress and busyness, it can sometimes seem improbable that we will be able to find rest. And yet, we are promised that if we will turn to Christ that we can find rest. What does that have to do with life coaching? From my personal experience, quite a bit. Let's talk about how.

Sione and I just celebrated our first anniversary. Second marriages have a 67% divorce rate, and because that's not a space either of us in interested in, we have made some pretty intentional moves to make sure we stay connected in the ways that are most important to us. We both have a pretty good idea about why our first marriages failed, and in creating a completely different type of relationship this time around, today we're sharing some lessons we've learned that are changing our lives.

Recognizing the value and worth of all people, knowing that there is no spectrum of value, opens us up to feeling more compassion and empathy and acceptance of others. When we can recognize and embrace our own value, we can move into a greater space of compassion and confidence for ourselves as well. Separating out the difference between value and contribution is where we sometimes get hung up on both of these processes, and that is an understanding that is definitely worth stepping into as it helps us to move forward in our own lives.

Learning how to coach yourself on a daily basis is an important tool for helping you to align the life you are living with the life you really want to be living. Today I share some of my favorite strategies that I use to increase my awareness around my thoughts so that I can gain clarity around the experiences I am having and learn how to better show up the way I really want to more often.

Our brains have a natural tendency to always look for what is fair and what is equal. But when we're working to create a more intimate, close relationship, fair and equal is destructive. When our brain is keeping score of who is doing what to make sure it is fair, we are creating a transactional relationship, and that isn't going to create the deeper intimacy that we are seeking. Learning instead, to look for what is needed in our relationship rather than what is fair will do amazing things to move our relationships forward.

The relationship circle is a concept that helps us to stay in our own lanes and resist the temptation to try and take control of things that aren't ours to control. When we more clearly understand how to allow the other person the space to work through their own struggles and challenges and show up empathetic, supportive, and kind, we can start tapping into the intimate partnership relationships have the possibility of becoming.

This week my husband, Sione, joins me as we share a recent experience we had in which we had the opportunity to step into some pretty honest communication. It took a lot of vulnerability, courage, and awareness for both of us to create this experience, but it ended up being a beautiful exchange. Our hope is that by sharing how we are stepping into better communication, you can understand how you can as well.

Circling back around is a technique that my husband, Sione, and I use in our marriage that allows us to apologize better and show up more as the partners that we really want to. We incorporate the concepts of awareness, acknowledgement, apology, and application to increase our connection and communication. This episode delves into these concepts more depely and helps you understand how you can become more the person you want to be.

Forgiving someone who has hurt us can seem like a herculean task sometimes. The pain can run deep and wide and it can feel that if we forgive that we are condoning the behavior that was so painful to us. And yet, forgiving is the path to peace and progress. Learning to let go of the pain and lean into the love exemplified by Christ is one of the purposes of forgiveness. There is a stronger and better you waiting on the other side.

So many of us unintentionally engage in passive-aggressive behaviors, and it's hurting our relationships. Today we are going to talk about 18 different ways that these behaviors show up. When we create greater awareness around our own passive aggressive behaviors, we can start to clean them up and start healing our relationships.

When we want/need to have a tough discussion with someone, we can have a tendency to blame and accuse the other person, which generally tends to lead to defensiveness and a fight. In this podcast I'm sharing with you a tool I use to help communication around difficult circumstances that allows us to share what we're experiencing without blaming, and creates a safer space to discuss tough things.

There are times when we feel as though our cup is so low that we don't have anything left to give, and then we need to check out of our lives long enough to replenish and refill. But what if we could get to a place where we always have more than enough and are in a constant state of overflow, never running out? Maybe it's possible. Let's talk about it!

Sometimes it can feel as though we get a lot of complaints from our children about all the things we are doing wrong, or have done wrong, as their parents. And that's all pretty normal, I think, because no parent is perfect, and we all fall short of being the parent our children wish they would have had. In this episode we're going to discuss why that's all okay, and how not being enough for our children isn't the problem, it's when we aren't enough for ourselves that the real struggles begin.

We tend to put our noses into a lot of things that are none of our business, and it ends up hurting our relationships. In this podcast we are talking about three things that are none of our business, why they are none of our business, and how to figure out what really is our business.

Life is messy. That's not the problem. The problem is when we believe life shouldn't be messy, that we should always be in control and that people should always say and do the right things. That people should get addicted or have affairs or get divorced or separate out from the family. I'm not saying those things are easy, but they are part of life. When we can learn to accept the messy as the part of life where we get to continue on our journey to becoming who God created us to be, then we can begin to see the mess as beautiful.

234

Many of us really struggle having discussions with people we love about what might be a difficult topic. And yet, working through things together, in a productive and healthy way, is part of what creates great relationships. In this episode I will share with you five things you can do to help you go into the tough discussions with better skills and more confidence, and how to come out of them with a solution that moves your relationship forward.

For me, few things cause more discomfort than feeling disempowered. The idea that someone else gets to decide what happens to me, how my life turns out, how I feel, doesn't sit well with me. Knowing how to feel empowered in life gives us confidence and assurance and hope for our future. Today we are talking about four things we can do to create more empowerment in our lives.

It can be so easy to look at other people's poor behavior and get really judgy about it, especially when it is hurtful toward us or someone we love. But one of the greatest shifts that we can experience in life is when we begin to see other people's hurtful behavior coming from a place of pain. When we can recognize that 'hurt people hurt people', and begin to look beyond the behavior and see instead the pain that is spawning the behavior, we can move into a much more compassionate and kind place. In so doing, we can create a safe space for the other person to see and acknowledge their pain and their behavior, and we can feel amazing about how we are engaging in our relationships.

So many of us get caught in people-pleasing. This is a space of trying to please others, often at our own expense, and seeking others' approval. In this episode we not only talk about how people-pleasing shows up in our lives, but where it stems from and how we can begin to move out of constantly worrying about how others perceive us, and feel really good and confident about how we are showing up for ourselves.

Are you someone who gets stuck making decisions? You just might find that it has more to do with how you respond to the decisions you make than the actual making of the decision. In this episode we talk about the reasons why making decisions can be difficult, how to make decisions easier, and how to move with more confidence when you finally get there.

Sione (my husband) and I have some rules we feel make a huge difference in helping us to create the intimate partnership we want. These were put in place the weekend we decided to date exclusively, and we continue to implement them because they have made such an amazing impact in our marriage. Our hope is that our rules will spark ideas for you to create your own rules and have more connected relationships in your life.

Obligation is such a detrimental concept when it exists in our relationships. Obligation comes from a place of fear, a place that relies on 'have to' or 'should'. And this is a space that will never create intimacy in our relationships - whether they be with a partner, with God, or with ourselves. In this podcast we discuss more in-depth the dangers of obligation and how to begin the move out of it.

It can be so easy to get stuck in resistance to middle-age. This can often show up with patterns of behavior that damage our relationships and keep us stuck. And yet, learning to lean into all of these mid-life changes, to accept them and, yes, even embrace them, is the key to really creating the life we want and discovering ourselves at a deeper level. Believing that the best is yet to come will move you into the most amazing time of your life, which is now!

When we feel disempowered, we often don't recognize it as a result of our own thought processes. And yet, when we allow ourselves to settle into shame or blame, we are creating just the right environment to feel disempowered. Feeling in control of our lives requires that we counter our shame with self-acceptance, and our blame with self-awareness.

Learning to replace shame and judgment with compassion and curiosity in our relationships with ourselves and with others will create a huge shift in the quality and intimacy of those relationships. Whereas shame and judgment will shut us down and stop our progression, compassion and curiosity will create a safe space for growth and exploration. They give us the opportunity to really come to know ourselves and others, and to move into deeper connection. And isn't connection what we really want in developing relationships?

Contrary to what your mother told you, life really is all about you! This episode has nothing to do with ignoring others pain or being selfish, but rather intentionally choosing to take on the responsibility for being the person you really want to be. About showing up as the best version of yourself. This is what you can control in any circumstance, and it has everything to do with you!

The time in our life when we put divorce on the table is tough. There are so many things to consider, tons of pressure, the grief of unfulfilled dreams, and the pain of perceived failure. We really want to make sure that we make the best decision for us, that we don't walk away when things could have gotten better. From my own work, and work with a lot of clients going through this process, today I am sharing some ideas of what you really want to make sure happens so that you can make the best decision for you, so that you're really content with the reasons for your decision, whether you choose to stay or to go.

Divorce is often one of the biggest challenges in a person's life. And it impacts a lot of people, not just those in the immediate family. So often friends and family struggle with knowing how to handle the divorce of people they love. What should they say? What should they do? Today we're going to talk about the best way to show up for the divorce of someone you love.

I love low maintenance things, and I put a lot of value on being low maintenance in my marriage. But with the tools I now have, I can see that in my previous marriage the things I considered would me a low maintenance spouse, were actually very damaging and hurtful, and in reality, very high maintenance that added to the demise of my marriage. Now I still value being and having a low maintenance relationship, but it looks almost the opposite of what I used to engage in. Let's take a look!

I used to think that if I was doing life 'right', that I would be happy all of the time, that I wouldn't need to have challenges or trials. I was so cute and misguided back then! Now my understanding of the struggle has deepened and grown so that now I see it as an amazing place for growth and progression. The tension created by struggle is actually necessary for our progression and happiness, and learning to take responsibility for our responses during struggle is a vital piece of the truth about the struggle.

Most people I know would put honesty at the top of their values list. But there is one place that many of us consistently lie - and that is in our relationships. Not so much about things happening or what we're doing, but in not showing up as the real us, in pretending to be someone we think the other person wants, or someone who we think seems safer. This is one of the most harmful things we can do in a relationship, and today we're going to talk about what that looks like, how to step into vulnerability, and how to start showing up as the person you really are inside.

Just what is the connection between self-respect and being wrong? I'll give you a hint - it has to do with self-awareness and self-honesty. When we are truly able to acknowledge when and where we are wrong, we provide opportunities for growth, and this creates greater self-respect. Being wrong is a human condition, we may as well embrace it and use it for good!

When we think that someone is better or worse than we are, we are engaging in one-upping or one-downing, and it's really harmful for our relationships. To really created connection and intimacy with those in our lives, it's important to start learning how to create equality, to see each other as equals, whether this be in a marriage relationship, a parent/child relationship, or a friend or co-worker relationship. All of these can benefit by learning how to step out of one-upping and one-downing.

Women in middle-age can often struggle with feeling seen and heard. And with the social conditioning of the 70s and 80s, it's not surprising. But if we are to create the intimate, equal partnerships we really desire, it is imperative we start standing up and speaking up. Today we talk about why we may struggle with this and how to start creating a pattern of being seen and being heard.

Do you identify with being a 'Fixer'? Here's the thing. We really do think that we're fixing things and making them better. But the hard truth is that we're actually making things worse and breaking down connection with the people we love the most. So, how do we stop trying to fix things that really aren't broken? Let's chat about it!

This week I had the honor of being interviewed by Jody Moore, another life coach. In this interview, I share my top recommendations and advice for anyone going through a divorce. I show you why pointing fingers at your spouse is preventing your healing, how to approach yourself with compassion as you take responsibility for your next chapter of life, and why a mid-life divorce can be the perfect storm for creating a better version of ourselves.

Most of us have relationships where we feel disconnected. Sometimes things have happened in them and now there is a rift and we don't know how to feel the same closeness and connection that we used to feel. Today we're talking about tools you can use to help heal and repair these relationships. You won't want to miss it!

This work can be hard. It takes a lot of self-awareness, a lot of humility to see yourself for who you really are sometimes, and a lot of determination to create the changes you want in your life. So if it's just a lot of hard work, why invest in this process? Why take the time to work with a coach or do self-coaching? Why invest time and money to do something that can be so heart-wrenching and overwhelming sometimes? Today, I'll share with you why I do it, and it will probably sound a lot like the reasons you'll want to do it as well.

It seems so easy to think that if we change our circumstance that things will get better, and they might, for a very short time. Eventually we will catch up with circumstance and find ourselves in the same place. When we learn to change ourselves first and our circumstance second, then we can walk away, or not, feeling complete and satisfied. Let's chat today about loving your circumstance before you leave it.

One of the best ways to start digging deep into ourselves and seeing what's holding us back is to start looking at our motivation for what we do. And ultimately, always, it comes back to love or fear. When we're motivated by fear, we destroy. When we're motivated by love, we create. Understanding and choosing love as our motivation can help us start creating the life and the relationships that we ultimately crave.

If you want to be right, you are not alone! Being right is a primal desire for humans, and sometimes we will work to be right at any cost. But the thing is, the cost can be huge, and the biggest casualty is our relationships with the people we value the most. Today let's look at our reasons behind being right and how we can let go of it.

What is the right path and how do we determine if we are on it? Join me today as I share with you my recent personal revelations about what I've learned about my path and the paths of others. I love growing up and learning these kinds of things about myself!

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your love will come with conditions? And not just conditions on the front end, but conditions on the back end as well? We often expect that when we show love to another person that they will behave in a certain way in return. That, my friends, is controlling and manipulative. Clean love is when we learn to love without any expectation at all. And that, is an amazing place to get to!

So today we go into detail about how to coach yourself. We will discover how to decide what the circumstance is, and what your thoughts are. Then we'll discuss how to fill out the thought model to come to an awareness of how your thoughts impact and create your feelings, actions, and the results of your life. This is the basic process for learning how to see yourself more clearly and understand how you can take more control of your life.

Peace is a feeling that many of us wish we had more of in our lives. But often, in seeking to make our lives more peaceful on the outside, we sabotage our inner peace. Learning how to be a peacemaker instead of just a peacekeeper is a skill that will really start to create the deep inner peace that we are really seeking.

Being willing to apologize is an important part of healthy relationships. But when our reasons for apologizing are not so clean, it can sometimes do more damage than if we don't apologize. Really looking at our reasons for apologizing is an important aspect of growing and progressing into the person we really want to be.

Did you have the dream that when your children became adults you would have this wonderful friendship going on? Me too. But sometimes reality means that we have children disengage and decide they no longer want to be a part of our lives. And that is really painful. Amidst that pain though, we can also find a space for peace. And the pain and the peace can coexist in a way that has us growing up into a better version of ourselves.

Have you ever wondered how you ended up in the life you're in? You used to have all of these dreams and desires and now you just feel a bit unfulfilled and not sure how to jumpstart your life? You're not alone. Far too many of us start settling just a bit at a time, and before we know it, we're living a life far below what we would actually love to be living. But we can step back into listening to those small nudges that have us wanting more from life. Let's talk about it.

A milestone like 200 episodes always seems to make me reflective. I feel that since diving into life coaching the last three years, my growth game has been so huge, and these are some of the life coaching concepts that have had the greatest impact on my life, in helping me to adjust my thinking and feeling so that I can show up more the kind of person I want to be. I hope this helps you to see the impact that this work can have in your life as well.

It can be really easy to get bogged down in our to-do lists, and some of us make list after list after list of things we want to do. I want to offer to you today the idea of creating a to-be list. Really identifying who you want to be underneath all of the hats we wear in our lives. Stepping into who we want to be will serve us at such a deeper level, and it even makes completing our to-do lists easier. There's a lot of power in the 'be'!

Last year I decided I was ready to get married. Not because I thought it would make me happier, or a better or more worthy person, but because I really wanted to have the experience of creating and participating in a deep, emotionally intimate relationship. To help me along the way, I used a concept called the 90 day relationship, and it was brilliant. Today I share with you my story of how I stepped into dating with the intention of finding my person, and how I've now participated in my last 90 day dating relationship. His name is Sione and he's perfect for me.

Conflict often gets such a bad rap. So, today I'm discussing how we can look at conflict completely different, as neutral, as people having different opinions and ideas, and how we can turn this neutral circumstance of conflict into greater connection, rather than into contention. When used correctly, a good conflict can be the source of deeper emotional intimacy in our relationships.

We've all been there. Someone blames and the other person gets defensive, and around and around we go. We breed contention, when what we're really after in our relationships is connection. So, how to break the cycle? Today I'll teach you the tools you need to have stronger, better relationships where responsibility and curiosity reign!

'I'm sorry' is probably one of the most used phrases by women in our society. We have been conditioned to use this phrase not just when we have done something hurtful or wrong, but very often even when we are taking up space as a human. Today we're going to take a closer look at why it's important to stop apologizing for being a breathing human and how to acknowledge our space in the world with more gratitude and grace.

Some of the emotions we experience in life do not feel good. Not even a little bit. But actually feeling and processing these emotions allows us to move through them and into a healthier space that does feel good. And when we realize how important all emotions are to our well-being, both the easy and the hard emotions, it can become easier to move into processing. Let's chat about it!

Sometimes it seems so much easier not to say anything. So we take our 'issue' and we put it on the back burner and pretend it doesn't exist. But the thing is, things on the back burner eventually start to stink and wreak a lot of havoc in our lives. Having a no back-burner issue standard in your relationships is an amazing way to keep things clean and moving forward, and even moving deeper.

Learning to distinguish between the facts of our lives and the thoughts in our heads is one of the first and most valuable tools I use in life coaching. When we start to understand the difference, we are able to become empowered by our own agency and begin to create the kind of life we really want to live. This is a skill you won't want to miss!

Trying to control others is often an innate behavior for humans. We think that if we control how everyone else thinks, feels, and behaves, that life will be easier for us. But it actually destroys relationships by keeping us from connecting with others and with ourselves, and limits our emotional maturity.

All of us have the tendency to build protective walls when we start to feel emotionally unsafe. Understanding what is behind those walls and why we're feeling emotionally unsafe is the key to creating the close, connected, intimate relationships we innately desire. This is work we can do with ourselves, and with the people we love the most in this world.

So much of our life is run by established patterns of behavior that we are completely unaware of. And when these patterns create dysfunctional behaviors, it can be very frustrating to pinpoint the cause of the struggle in our relationship. When we can learn to identify the patterns that are not serving us, and create and implement patterns that do serve us, everything can change. Whether your relationship is new or long-term, we can all use some better patterns of behavior.

Awareness is the first key ingredient to growth. If we're not aware of our flaws and weaknesses, we won't take the necessary steps to grow beyond them. But when our primitive brain thinks we're going to be punished or ridiculed or shut down for having flaws, it will resist showing them to us. Today we're talking about how to create a safe space to become aware of our flaws and weaknesses, so that our growth game is strong.

Recently I was interviewed on a podcast called 'Latter-day Life Coaches' about the work I often do with divorced women and men in the church. We're not so unique anymore, but often the stigma of being divorced can seem pretty big whether you're the one who is divorced, or whether it's someone you know. Sometimes we don't know what to do with ourselves, and others don't know what to do with us either! But divorce is such an incredible opportunity to grow into a better version of ourselves. Let's talk about it!

Three weeks into your New Years goals and you might be finding yourself waning a bit. You are so not alone! Often we think that we are committed to something when we are actually just interested in it. We think we 'should' really want to accomplish this goal for reasons that don't really align with our values. Understanding these concepts can help us to interact with more grace towards ourselves, find more peace in our lives, and actually accomplish more.

What is the impact of our personal growth on the lives of those around us? Here's an interview with my daughter Allison where we talk about how my personal growth over the last few years has impacted her life in positive ways. Because when one person changes, it impacts everyone they come in contact with.

Do you feel like you're stuck? Middle-age has come and you don't know what you want to do, how to move forward, or how to fix what you want to fix? Today we are talking about how to shift your mindset so you can begin to move forward, get unstuck, and dream amazing dreams again. Because middle-age is the perfect time to start resurrecting your dreams that may have been put on the back shelf while you were busy raising a family and dreaming dreams for them. Now it's your turn. Let's go!

Do you want to create something different in your life? Maybe deeper relationships or more purpose? Becoming the person we really want to be will require some risk on your part. All growth requires that we step into discomfort and into doing things we have never done before in order to become our desired person. Let's talk today about what this can mean for you.

When our children choose to take a different path than we, as their parents, have envisioned for them, we will often label them as 'wayward.' Let's chat today about how not only does this term 'wayward' not serve us or them, but also how our children, using their free agency to make their own choices, bless our lives and help us to become more the kind of people we really want to be.

I do believe that the holiday season is one of the greatest reasons for stress and anxiety for a lot of people. Today I have 6 really practical tips for you on how you can step back from the stress, spread yourself a little thicker, and really enjoy your holidays this year.

Parenting adult children is nothing like parenting our younger, dependent children. It requires a completely different mindset and skillset. Learning how to approach these relationships from a new perspective will help to create the better, stronger relationship you really want.

So often we think that if we are kind to ourselves that we are letting ourselves off the hook, and that the only way to motivate ourselves is it call us out by saying harsh things. Today I want to offer that, actually, the best way to motivate ourselves and get us moving in the direction we want, is to extend greater kindness in how we speak to and interact with ourselves. Let's talk about the why and the how.

Although we are often taught to forget ourselves and serve others, there is one place where stepping into "I" will always serve us the best and also help us to serve others. Learning to manage our thoughts around how we want to show up and what we want to create in our lives is an incredibly valuable tool to becoming our next best version.

Really though, we can make change easier. By understanding some great things about our primitive brain, and by learning to leverage them, we can 'hack' the part of our brain that resists change and we can begin to make the changes that we seek.

Have you ever paid attention to how often you use the phrase, 'I don't know'? It seems to be a default for our brain when it doesn't want to expend the energy and the effort to figure something out. The problem is, that 'I don't know' is a lie and a bad habit that will keep us stuck and impede our progress. In this podcast we're going to talk about why it seems to be our 'go to' and how to move ourselves out of 'I don't know' and into 'I'm figuring it out.'

We are just starting into the holiday season and there's one thing so many of us dread - the drama. But what if we could drop the drama? What if we could just enjoy the people, the conversations, the sentiments and the season for what we really want them to be? Today we're going to talk about just how to do that - how to show up in a way where we can sit on the sofa after it's all over and just feel really satisfied with how we showed up.

Boundaries are essential for healthy and strong relationships. Setting appropriate boundaries engages our self-respect and also protects the relationship from destructive feelings such as resentment, anger, and frustration. Today we are digging a little deeper into what boundaries are, how to set them, and why they can sometimes feel so tricky.

It can be so easy to see the inconsistencies between how we're living and how we really want to be living, and the space between these two is really important. Often, we may find that this space is ideal for berating ourselves and a lot of negative self-talk, but if we can learn instead to create a space for grace, we'll find that the distance between where we are and where we want to go becomes easier and more attainable.

Peace is something that is often on the top of our want list. We want to have peace in our lives, to be free of contention. But so often we go about 'keeping the peace' by not being honest or speaking up about things that matter to us, which actually creates the opposite of peace. Let's talk about it!

Growth is not just a byproduct of challenges, it is also a skill to be learned. When we develop the skill of growth, over time it becomes easier and even fun, just as any skill we learn does. When this happens, seeing our flaws and our weaknesses is no longer an overwhelming, daunting task before us, but a challenge we know we can overcome.

Divorce can be one of those circumstances that seems like it spirals us into negative thoughts and feelings. And though it can be challenging because it necessitates that we show up differently than we have been, it doesn't have to be a place where we get stuck in despair or in victim mentality. Let's talk today about how to rewrite your divorce story into one that serves you and helps you to move into a better, healthier, and happier version of yourself.

Many of us in middle-age have lost touch with what we really want in life. We've forgotten about our desires and our dreams, our wants and our wishes. Learning to tap into these again, or for the first time, is a brilliant part of mid-life growing up. Join me today as we chat about how asking the question, 'What don't I want?' can help you start to identify what it is you really do want in life.

Do you have a tough time accepting compliments? You're not alone. Today we're going to work on understanding why it can be so difficult and how to learn to accept them more graciously. It's such a valuable skill when we're working on personal growth and progression.

I've heard this phrase so many times throughout my life. In fact, I'm sure I've used it more than once. And today it's time to take a look at how this thought, and others like it, are not serving us. They are not putting us into figuring-it-out mode and moving us forward. Today we'll talk about why thoughts like this keep us stuck and how to create thoughts that move us, instead, into our possibility.

Our relationships are being destroyed by our imaginations. When we struggle to accept people as they are and live in the land of 'should' by expecting them to be something they're not, we are destroying connections with our people. Let's create instead the beautiful, intimate relationships we innately crave.

Have you ever seen someone do or say something that just shocked you and you thought, "I would never act that way", or "I would never say something like that." If so, you're not alone. Today I want to chat with you about why that isn't a helpful thought and how it's keeping you from becoming your best self.

Our desire to control all the things - the people, the situations, the how's, when's, why's, and where's - is destroying our lives. It comes packaged in cute phrases akin to,"I just want you to be happy and successful", but our relationships are suffering and our sense of well-being is always teetering on the edge of misery. Today we're talking about how to more clearly see our controlling behaviors and how to let go of them.

You know who I'm talking about. Those people who push your buttons, who are so challenging to love, and who make you question yourself. Today I will give you the tools to know how to deal with the most difficult people in your life in the most effective way - and it probably won't be what you think!

I recently completed what is called a 90-day relationship - a predetermined time for a relationship in which you commit to intentionally create a healthy partnership and work through all of the inevitable struggles. It was brilliant and beautiful and I loved every second of it. At the end of 90 days we ultimately decided our paths were diverging, but it was an amazing experience I would do all over again, even knowing the heartache waiting for me at the end.

Sometimes our relationships can tend to get a little shallow. Specifically I notice my relationship with God, with myself, and with others can all struggle at times. That's because relationships are never a 'one and done' situation — they require consistent nourishment if they are to thrive and continue to deepen in intimacy. Today's we'll chat about four things we can do to keep connected and moving forward in our relationships.

Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Lonely is a feeling caused by our thoughts, when we learn to be more intentional about our thoughts, we will be more fulfilled and happy with where we are, single or not. What thoughts are holding you back and which ones with move you forward? Let's chat about it.

The first time we realize that our brain consistently lies to us, it can seem a little strange. I think we have this underlying belief that our brain processes and figures things out and always tells the truth. But it doesn't. And generally the lies it tells don't serve us very well and move us into a better version of ourselves. Usually the keep us stuck in a place we don't want to be. Today we'll chat about how to figure out when your brain is lying and what to day about it.

All of us engage in dysfunctional behavior, unhealthy patterns of behavior that create disconnection. Sometimes we're completely unaware of the dysfunction, but other times we intentionally choose to look away and not see it because it can be so uncomfortable. Only when we are willing to step in and take a closer look, engage with the dysfunction, and move into healing it can we create the connections and the relationships we desire.

One of the toughest things about being a parent of adult children is letting go of the desire to continue to parent them. We have been so used to having expectations of how we want them to behave and what we want them to do, that letting go of that can be difficult. But once they're adults, it's time to friend-zone them and step away from parenting them. Let's talk about how to do that.

Some of us can have strong physical and emotional reactions to being wrong, and it can make us very resistant to the experience. But learning to look for and embrace the experience of being wrong can have some amazing benefits to us. When we learn to step into the more humble space of understanding where we are wrong, we can step into a stronger and happier version of ourselves.

Forgiving can sometimes be so difficult. When we feel we have been severely wronged, letting go of the pain and the anger and the resentment can seem overwhelming. And sometimes, we don't even know where to start with moving into forgiveness. Today we are going to talk about how to do just that. How to forgive anyone. It may seem a pretty large task, but it is possible.

Kindness has so often been associated with acts - Acts of Kindness. What if we were to back this up a bit and start with Thoughts of Kindness and see the difference it would make in how we, and the recipients of our kindness, felt? Focusing on our thoughts rather than our acts will create a completely different experience.

All of us tend to have manuals for how we believe other people should behave. What we find, is that our expectations for them are a way to try to control their behavior so that we can feel better. When we seek to control other people's behavior, it never turns out very well. They feel manipulated and we feel horrible because they're not doing what we think they should and then we're angry or frustrated on top of it. It's time to figure this one out!

Every experience we have in our lives gets turned into a story in our brain. And in our story, we generally become either the hero or the victim (and maybe sometimes the villain!) When we choose to become the victim, we feel disempowered and experience little to no growth, or may even decline a bit. And it's so easy and can feel so good to be the victim! When we choose to become the hero, we are empowered and step into a space of growth that can be amazing. Let's chat today about how to become your own hero of your story.

Connection with other people is something we were created to desire. And yet, sometimes we feel as though we are struggling to connect with those people who matter the most to us - our spouses or significant other, our children, siblings, friends, and even ourselves. What creates true connection and how can we step into more of it? Let's talk about it!

Possibility. A word filled with hope for what is to come. Dreaming of an amazing future of fulfillment and contribution. And yet, somewhere along the way, many of us have forgotten about our possibility. We've entered into middle-age having focused on other people's possibility, and lost touch with our own. Let's remedy that, shall we? We still have decades of possibility ahead of us!

Why would we want to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable emotions? Because discomfort is the price we pay for growth and progression. When we avoid uncomfortable emotions, we are keeping ourselves stuck, and nobody I know likes being stuck!

Sometimes in our closest relationships, it can be very easy to hold a grudge rather than extend grace. But to truly develop the connection that we desire in our relationships, it is imperative that we learn to forgive others and embrace their humanity. Only with grace will we create the deep, intimate connections that we desire.

When was the last time your emotions came on so strong and powerful that you felt out of control? All of us have times that our response is way bigger than is warranted by the circumstance. Today we're chatting about why this happens, and how we can turn these times into opportunities to grow and learn and progress.

Spring always feels like the perfect time to clean out some closets and cabinets. We get rid of things that are no longer needed in our lives in order to make space for things that will serve us better. Emotionally, spring is a great time to do the same thing - find behaviors and patterns that may have served us well at one time, but that are no longer creating what we want to create. Is it time for you to do some emotional spring cleaning?

Challenges, struggles, and trials are just a part of God's plan for our life here on earth. When we can embrace this concept rather than believing that we should be happy all the time, we can find a level of peace, fulfillment, and contentment previously unavailable to us. We truly can find happiness in our unhappiness!

Perfectionism has, at time, been hailed as a really great thing. And I'm sure it is. . . at some point in the far distant future! Having perfectionist tendencies at this stage in our human experience can actually be more detrimental than beneficial. In fact, perfectionist ideas can keep us stuck in a place we don't want to be. Let's talk about why.

What would you be willing to pay on Amazon for a happier, more connected relationship? What would you be willing to pay for more confidence? More fulfillment? More engagement with your life? Would you be willing to pay . . . attention? Because paying attention to our lives, our minds, our people, is what having a more fulfilling, engaging, connected life will cost.

A question I get asked a lot is, "What's the difference between coaching and counseling?" Today, we'll discuss the differences, the similarities, and when you would enlist the services of each.

Very few of us will want to admit that we sometimes lean toward martyr behavior, but I believe a lot of us exhibit it from time to time, and it's destroying our relationship with ourself and with others. Last week we discussed what being a martyr in a relationship looks like, and this week we're talking more in-depth about 10 ways being a martyr shows up in your life, and 10 ways we can begin to move away from our martyr behaviors

I believe that most of us, at one time or another, have relished in being a martyr. The fascinating thing is, we often do it as a desperate cry to be seen and heard, and what we create is everyone avoiding us so that there is no way we'd be seen or heard. We actually end up destroying the relationships we want so much to be a part of. Today we're talking to you about why we do it, how it shows up, and how to move out of it.

If you're someone who has constantly been in the "my weight is not what it should be" mindset, you will love this podcast. My good friend, and fellow coach, Wendy Lee Johnson will walk you through the basics of intuitive eating and how it differs from dieting in some very significant ways — most notably, the thought work behind it. And I love that these concepts apply not just to dieting, but also to moving into intuitive living as well.

Why is it that so many of us have bought into the lie that we're not enough? What does that phrase even mean? What are we not enough of? Who are we not enough for? How does that thought even serve us? It doesn't. It's that simple. Join me today as we talk about this tricky little thought and learn how to get to a place where we truly can believe that we are more than enough.

Have you wondered about life coaching and how it could help you? Today I will share two experiences of how working with my own life coach and using the self-coaching skills I teach you have moved me forward into more of the person I really want to become.

Want to learn how to be more self-aware? Let's start with this question, "Why is that?" Take any behavior you engage in or any feeling you have and ask yourself this question and you will begin to understand yourself more clearly. You will start to understand yourself in a way that will allow you the clarity necessary to start creating different experiences for yourself if you'd like. Let's chat about it. . .

This can be a tough topic. But we're going to chat today about pornography use from both the user and the spouse today. Both have work to do. Both get to learn how to step out of being a victim and living from fear and choosing instead to step into responsibility and living from love. There is so much hope and empowerment available to all impacted by pornography use.

We are 11 days into the new year and many of our resolutions are starting to not be so fun. What needs to happen for us to actually accomplish what we want to this year? How do we keep moving forward instead of slowing down and eventually quitting? Managing our thoughts around our goals and being very clear on our reasons and motivations top the list. Let's chat about it.

We live in a society that has a bit of an obsession with being happy. We can often see happiness as our ultimate goal in life, and we strive to be happy with everything we do. But where our culture often views happiness as a place of ease with no struggles or challenges, true happiness is actually something much different. Let's chat today about how we can truly have a happy new year.

Your life consists of so much more than being alive and healthy. It is actually a gift from God. What you are, who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and desires are all a gift given to you from Your Creator. Let's chat today about how we can more fully appreciate our lives and Our God who has gifted us with it.

Part of being a human is that some of the things we think and do are amazing, and some of them can be pretty rotten. Sometimes we can spend so much energy avoiding and denying the darker parts of us, that we don't grow into the person we were created to become. Because only in discovering our darkness can we begin to replace it, bit by bit, with the incredible light we have the capacity to become.

Parenting. One of the toughest gigs on the planet. And it the gift that continually keeps giving us discomfort! Today we discuss all the ways parenting brings us discomfort from the day they're born until today -- and why it's not only okay, but amazing and desirable! Discomfort is just a feeling, and an opportunity to recognize an opportunity for growth.

Middle-Age is the best time for growing up! Serious. We have the experiences and the wisdom at this point in our lives to move forward at an unprecedented rate -- if we want to. When we take the time to review our lives, our growth and progress, we can start to see just how amazing our paths have been, and will continue to be as we move into our futures.

So many of us have the beliefs that our works, the things we do or don't do in life, are what creates our worth. In actuality, our works and our worth don't have anything to do with each other. Our worth is not, and never has been negotiable by the things that we do. Add to that the fact that discovering and embracing our worth is the key to really finding fulfillment in life, and we have a topic worth exploring!

Many of us are so responsible in our lives, but have never really learned how to be emotionally responsible. We continue to blame other people for our feelings, giving others the credit for us being angry or frustrated or annoyed. We also abdicate our emotional responsibility when we expect other people to make us feel happy or loved or empowered. Part of the joy in growing up is realizing that all of our emotions are our responsibility.

It seems so easy to think that if we change our circumstance that things will get better, and they might, for a very short time. Eventually we will catch up with circumstance and find ourselves in the same place. When we learn to change ourselves first and our circumstance second, then we can walk away feeling complete and satisfied. Let's chat today about loving your circumstance before you leave it.

We have been taught our whole lives to "fake it till you make it," "just do it," "embrace the suck," and "do the thing you don't want to do." Great phrases for a short-term fix. But if we want to really create lasting change in our lives, we have to stop "white-knuckling" our behaviors and create change from our thoughts rather than from sheer will-power. Let's chat today about how to do that.

The thoughts we think about ourselves are incredibly powerful, because they create everything that we are and everything that we will be. What thoughts about yourself are going on in your head? Are those thoughts setting you up for a healthier life? For better relationships? If not, it's time to switch out those thoughts for ones that will create a better version of yourself. Today, we're talking about how to do just that.

The story that we choose to tell ourselves and believe is one of the most powerful choices we can make. Because every story can be told from many different perspectives, and that makes all the difference in whether we approach our lives from a place of power and learning or a place a victimization and stagnation. Join me today and I'll show you how this works.

The world we live in is a very uncertain place -- and it always has been. In this very uncertain world, what can we do to be self-certain? And just where do I get me some of that self-certainty? We can never be sure of what tomorrow will bring, but we can be certain that when the struggle is over that we will come out on top, a stronger and healthier version of ourselves. Let's chat about it.

One of the best ways to start digging deep into ourselves and seeing what's holding us back is to start looking at our motivation for what we do. And ultimately, always, it comes back to love or fear. When we're motivated by fear, we destroy. When we're motivated by love, we create. Understanding and choosing love as our motivation can help us start creating the life and the relationships that we ultimately crave.

So many people have a lot of questions about divorce, the whys and the hows -- and I'm never afraid to answer them even though they are usually hesitant to ask. So today, I'll share with you some of the most frequently asked questions about how I knew it was the right decision, to my regrets, what I'm grateful for, and also some advice.

Taking 100% responsibility for our lives is one of the most important things we can do to grow and progress. And yet, it can be so difficult to do when we have behaviors that hold us back that we're not aware of, or when we know we are right in a situation. What is there to take responsibility for when I'm not to blame? More than you would think. Let's chat about it!

What are the behaviors that would be classified as anti-responsibility? Chances are, if you are like me, most (if not all) of these 19 behaviors are ones that you have engaged in at some point. Stepping away from responsibility is a sure-fire way to step away from our growth and progression. Let's talk today about what anti-responsibility looks like.

So many of us struggle with ideals of perfection, and it wreaks a lot of havoc in our lives. When we can see imperfection for the gift it is, we can start finding peace in all of our flaws, mistakes, sins, and imperfections. Let's chat about it today!

The questions we ask ourselves in our brains make such a difference. When the questions focus on reasons, we tend to spiral into negativity and it drains our energy. When the questions focus on solutions, we create energy and start moving forward and progressing in the ways we want to. Learning to manage these questions will help you learn to manage your life. Let's talk about it!

Is it possible to build our own confidence or is it just something we were born with? It is possible to create confidence! So many of us struggle with feeling confident, and yet, it is entirely within our grasp when we learn to manage our thoughts in order to create the feeling of confidence. Let's talk about it!

Recognizing and embracing the truth that we are human and will make mistakes is such an important piece of the self-acceptance puzzle. Learning to accept what we can change, what we can't, and then having the courage to change what we can, will bring us to a place of self-acceptance that creates space for positive change. Let's chat about it. . .

Beth Hillman is an amazing coach who works with parents of struggling teens. Join me today as Beth talks about her own personal journey with her struggling teen and how learning to take responsibility for her part in their relationship changed everything. You can find Beth at bethhillmancoaching.com.

We are hard-wired as humans for connections with other humans. And yet, our primitive brain is hard-wired to take the easiest path possible and get all habitual and superficial with our relationships. So how do we move out of the primitive brain "checklist" and into a space where we emotionally engage with the people we love? That's what we're talking about today. You won't want to miss this one!

If you want to be right, you are not alone! Being right is a primal desire for humans, and sometimes we will work to be right at any cost. But the thing is, the cost can be huge, and the biggest casualty is our relationships with the people we value the most. Today let's look at our reasons behind being right and how we can let go of it.

One of the most amazing things we can be aware of with ourselves is our reasons for why we make the decisions we make. Our reasons will make all the difference on our end results, as well as give us valuable insight into our minds and what motivates us. Once we clue into the thinking of our minds, we have a distinct advantage!

What is the connection between submission and self-worth? More than you'd think! Learning to truly be submissive to God, to create a relationship of trust is so valuable to our spiritual growth. And so is embracing our God-given self-worth. Today we're talking about how these two ideas are intertwined. Good stuff!

Most self-help books out there make it seem like it's so easy to change your life. If you will just follow these easy steps you can make your life better. But until we get to the cause of those behaviors, our thoughts, long-lasting change is not possible. Are you ready to up-level your life? Let's start with your thoughts.

Really learning to love ourselves deeply, and unconditionally, is the path to truly being able to love others deeply and unconditionally. When we can let go of needing other people to love us in order for us to feel love, and whole or complete, then we are free to love and serve others with openness and honesty. Loving ourselves fiercely is an empowering, energy-producing creation in our own lives that allows us to bring forth our greatest contribution in this world. Let’s talk about it!

Self-love is so important in our lives. When we extend this love to our past and future selves, rather than just loving our present self, we can develop a much deeper, more inclusive love that will impact our sense of self and our personal growth as well. This is a discussion you won't want to miss!

Sometimes the concept of self-love can get a bad rap because people will associate it with being arrogant, or conceited, or vain. But real self-love will lead you into a place of honor and respect for yourself and your worth, and will allow you to tap into the best parts of you. Today we are going pretty in-depth about how to begin cultivating your own self-love. You won't want to miss this one!

With all of the racial tension going on in our country right now, many of us are feeling a little helpless and disempowered. I've been spending so much time seeking to educate myself and become more aware of the racial issues within the United States. This week I'm chatting with my friend Anita Miller. She is a fellow life coach and a black woman who focuses on finding solutions. I hope you enjoy what she has to share.

Curiosity is the beginning of everything great that will happen in your life! Curiosity is the first step to growth and progression because it creates awareness, and awareness means we finally see what we need to see. Today we'll talk about how curiosity will move you into the next best version of yourself.

As the Covid-19 Pandemic is slowing down, I keep hearing about the dreaded "new normal." And yet, when we can learn to start looking for the opportunities in this new normal, rather than expecting disaster, we can create a very different experience for ourselves. Because it all starts with a thought. . .

Our brain is always so busy thinking all kinds of thoughts, the VAST majority of those which are unconscious. And a lot of these unconscious thoughts are not serving us, in fact, they can often be very detrimental for our progress and growth. Learning how to identify and un-believe those thoughts is vital. Let's talk about how.

It's amazing what a person can learn about themselves in the process of creating 99 podcasts! Today I get a little personal, and sometimes a little emotional, as I share the lessons I've learned in the past 15 months of podcasting.

Making the transition from parenting young children, over whom we have a lot of say, to parenting adult children, over whom we have no say, can be a really difficult challenge for many of us. But the only way we can have the connected relationships we desire with our adult children is to learn to step back, let go, and love unconditionally.

If you're a mom, you've most likely felt this at some point in your parenting career, and it doesn't just go away when our children become adults. But let's take a closer look at what it is, and why it is, and how to create something different -- like a closer, connected relationship with our children.

The Thought Model is a tool I use in my life and with my clients to help them understand their feelings and actions better. Building upon last week's podcast, today we're discussing how understanding our thought model can help us to feel more empowered and step into emotional adulthood.

Do you ever wonder why certain situations make you so happy or angry or frustrated? Do you wonder why you act the way that you do or why the results in your life are what they are? The Thought Model is a tool I use with coaching my clients that helps them to understand the connection between circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. This is the basis for my coaching. If you want to know how to feel more empowered in your life, understanding and implementing The Thought Model is the first step!

Who are the people who come through challenges and adversity more successful and fulfilled than they were before they experienced it? You got it. Resilient people. People who have the ability to bounce back and recover easily. How do we become more resilient? Join me today and let's talk about it.

What is the right path and how do we determine if we are on it? Join me today as I share with you my recent personal revelations about what I've learned about my path and the paths of others. I love growing up and learning these kinds of things about myself!

Feeling a deep sense of fulfillment in our lives is something that we innately crave, and yet, so many of us still struggle to get to a place where we feel we've tapped into the level of fulfillment we desire. In this episode we discuss what does and what doesn't help us to feel fulfilled with our lives and where we are.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your love will come with conditions? And not just conditions on the front end, but conditions on the back end as well? We often expect that when we show love to another person that they will behave in a certain way in return. That, my friends, is controlling and manipulative. Clean love is when we learn to love without any expectation at all. And that, is an amazing place to get to!

It is so easy to not only blame other people for things that go wrong in our lives, but just as easy to expect people to be responsible for our happiness and for fulfilling our needs. Well, it's time to step up, my friends, and start taking responsibility for the emotions, including happiness, that we feel, and also for our own needs. Wanting, or expecting, someone else to take care of these things for us leaves us completely powerless, and who wants that?

Divorce is traumatic, and we can carry that trauma with us for many years. And it's not just the trauma of the separation, it's also the trauma of many years of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the dysfunction. This is a great discussion to help you become more aware of the trauma and learn how to work through it.

What do mid-agers and teenagers have in common? A lot of angst! And for a lot of reasons you may not have considered. Join me today as we discuss how our mid-life funk correlates so strongly with the life of a teenager.

Today I get to interview my good friend and fellow life coach, Jane Copier (janecopiercoaching.com). Jane is an amazing coach who focuses on helping couples save their marriages. If you've been married you know that it definitely has it's challenges, but you may not feel that divorce is the option for you. That being said, you also don't know how to fix it and be in a healthier and happier marriage. Jane can help!

Why is personal growth so important? Because our personal growth puts a lid on everything else that we engage with in our lives -- our relationships with others, God, and ourselves, as well as our work. We are limiting every aspect of our lives by our lack of personal growth by what is known as The Law of the Lid.

When is it self-care and when is it selfishness? Good question! But here's an important distinction. Self-care is us taking care of our needs so that we then have the energy to take care of the needs of others, while selfishness seeks to exploit others to take care of our own needs. We actually have to engage in self-care in order to be self-less.

Did you know that the actual words we speak are only 7% of our communication? 93% of what we say is communicated through the tone of our voice and our body language. Today we're going to talk about our emotional tones and how they impact our relationships with others. If we want to truly connect with the people around us, it's important to pay attention to our tones, understand where they come from, and how to change them.

What is it about mid-life that makes us feel tired all of the time? I'll tell you a secret -- some of it has to do with what you're thinking. Today we're talking about how to create energy with your thoughts when it feels like you don't have any. Our thoughts create energy. . . who knew?!?

So many of us are just not honest with ourselves. Not on purpose, mind you, but unconsciously our brain perpetuates lies. At one time these lies may have kept us safe or been coping mechanisms that helped us to manage the difficulties in our lives. And even when they're no longer useful, our brain continues to tell these lies because they're easy and comfortable. Learning to become aware of these thoughts and develop honesty with ourselves is vital for our growth and progression. Let's chat about it.

Did you ever think that we couldn't have courage without fear? They really do work together. We often think of fear as only being a negative emotion, but when we adjust our thoughts around it, fear can be a great motivator to move us into courage. And courage is when we grow and get things done!

Is patience your thing or not your thing? Most of us struggle at some level with being patient. Today we're going to discuss the reasons behind our lack of patience and how to learn how to be more patient, creating a better version of ourselves and healthier relationships with those around us.

Alright, My Sweet Lady Friends, let's have a chat. What do you want? Do you know? Some of us don't. If you do know, do you let people around you know what you want? Some of us don't. Do you speak up and ask for what you want? Some of us don't. Today we're going to explore all of these scenarios and discuss why it's so important for us to know what we want and ask for it.

Want to be happier and more content in your life? Numerous studies point to gratitude as a major player in creating what you're after. And where can we find gratitude? In our thoughts of course! Because thoughts create our feelings. Believe it or not, gratitude actually has nothing to do with the circumstances in our lives. It's what we think about our circumstances that creates our feelings of gratitude.

I believe that one of the most damaging things we can do in our lives is to play small. As women, we often feel this person inside of us wanting so desperately to come out and impact the world in amazing ways. And yet we keep shushing her and buy into the cultural ideas that we have our place and should stay there. But I know God gave us these talents, abilities, and desires for a reason. Because we need to use them. Let's get started!

What is it about other people's opinions and criticisms that can make us feel hurt or insecure or good? Actually, nothing. Their opinions and criticisms are just neutral circumstances. It's what we make those things mean that cause our feelings about them. Let's dig into our thoughts to figure out how to manage our feelings better around what other people think and say about us.

Growing up is such an amazing journey. I feel that this stage in our lives is perfect for putting all of the pieces together, discovering who we are and what amazing contribution we can make in this world. Today we're talking about the process of finding our wings and really stepping into what we feel we are called to do while here on earth.

Emotional Adulthood. It's a beautiful thing when we learn how to take full responsibility for all of our emotions and stop blaming others for how we feel and for our behaviors. It can be a process to learn because most of us were taught from the time we were young that other people were responsible for how we feel, but taking back the control over ourselves is an amazing, empowering process!

This is #10, the last of our concepts necessary for mental health -- money management. Our emotional relationship with our money and our stewardship over it plays a huge role in our self-respect, which is a major player in our mental health. When we can learn to understand this relationship and learn to engage with it in a healthy way, we make a direct deposit into our mental health. And the better our mental health, the happier we are and the better relationships we have with those in our life.

9 on our list of mentally healthy behaviors is Time Management. Technically, it's managing ourselves within our time, and it's brilliant when we can wrap our discipline around being clear on what we want and need to do to progress into a better version of ourselves. On this podcast we talk about the processes necessary for better "time management" and why it's all so important, anyway. Turns out, it's vital for our self-respect which is always a must for better mental health.

8 on our list of things we need to be mentally healthy is unconditional self-love. This one is SO IMPORTANT! When we can first, learn what it really means to have unconditional love, and then apply that to ourselves, we are finding a place of acceptance and kindness and real growth. And mentally healthy people grow, and grow often! They embrace their imperfections as part of this amazing human journey and they exhibit grit and resilience. This is all part of our unconditional self-love.

7 on our list of important things to do to have good mental health is contribution. This refers to contributing to ourselves in order to become the best version that we can be, and then turning that best version around to contribute to the world in meaningful ways. And a third piece to this -- embracing our contributions as important and valuable to the world. Such a great piece to the mental health component!

6 on our list of mental health behaviors is self reflection and self coaching. When we become more aware of where we really are, and when we can start intentionally moving ourselves out of negative thinking and into more positive thinking, we are also moving into better mental health. Awareness and intentional change are a powerful combination in helping us to truly discover our true selves.

5 on our list of good mental health indicators is internal control. This refers to our ability to take full responsibility for our feelings, realizing they come from our thoughts rather than from external situations. Tapping into our internal control allows us to feel empowered in relation to our future and our potential rather than at the mercy of outside forces. And feeling empowered is great for our mental health.

4 in Brooke Castillo's list of things we need to do for good mental health: Take Action. And this is brilliant because when we take action we create confidence and self-respect. We grow into the person of our dreams and we move forward in accomplishing our goals. And all of those things are key elements of having great mental health.

3 for better mental health is little to no buffering. Buffering is the process of using something external to try and solve for an internal problem, such as emotional discomfort. But buffering, although it may feel good in the moment, has some unintended consequences such as keeping us from truly experiencing life and keeping us from truly knowing who we really are. Discovering how and why we buffer and how to stop is a huge component in getting to greater mental health.

2 in our list of things we need to have good mental health is emotional balance. Here we are talking about the 50/50 balance of positive and negative emotions, and specifically about our ability or inability to feel and work through the negative ones. They can be challenging for sure, but only in choosing to feel them can we find the balance that we seek that brings mental health.

Future plans, #1 on the list of what we need to have better mental health. Consistently moving toward growth by tapping into our potential and our dreams is an amazing place that helps us find greater fulfillment and satisfaction in life. If you feel as though you are just living on auto-pilot most of the time, not growing into a greater version of yourself and not experiencing the joys you feel you are meant to experience, this is a great place to start!

It's fascinating that our culture often defines mental health by stating that it is not having a mental illness. But mental health is so much more than that! It is more accurately defined by our ability to be resilient and work through tough emotional and mental situation in a healthy way. Today we are going to take a closer look at mental health and what it is, and then prep for the next 10 episodes when we explore an aspect of how to be more mentally healthy in each one.

Rejection and approval. One we seek desperately to avoid and the other we seek desperately to obtain. And yet they are not always what they seem. Learning to move into rejection can be one of the greatest ways to ensure our own approval. Join me today as we discuss how learning to accept ourselves rather than how to avoid rejection can be one of our greatest tools for truly discovering our deepest potential.

I don't know too many of us who enjoy being uncomfortable, and given the times and culture we live in we rarely have to endure being physically uncomfortable. However, mental and emotional discomfort is a key element in our growth and progression. When we can learn to lean into discomfort, we can begin moving into our potential and find greater satisfaction and happiness in life. But to begin the whole process we have to start learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Remember last episode when we talked about that huge list of mental and emotional behaviors? Well today we're going to talk about the antidote for intentionally or unintentionally wanting to engage in them: Charity. This amazing piece of Christ-like love will rid us of all of those relationship killers and instead deepen and strengthen our relationships. Charity will help us engage in healthy behaviors that will create healthy relationships.

Today we are covering a huge list of mental and emotional abusive behaviors. When we know better, we do better, right? This is to give us an opportunity to see behaviors that we may be engaging in that are harming our relationships and preventing us from having the connections that we ultimately desire. This is not meant to cause us shame or guilt, but rather to bring awareness to our actions so we can explore the feelings and thought behind them.

Life can deal all of us a bad hand sometimes. But actually, it's not the hand that's bad, it's how we choose to think about that hand. Today I'm going to share with you the experience of my Client Charity, who seemed to have been dealt some pretty rough childhood experiences. I'll show you how coaching has helped her to move from being a victim of those circumstances and blaming others to taking responsibility for her current actions and starting to create the life she really wants to live.

Today we are taking a look at the difference between the brain and the mind. Both do amazing things for us, but where the brain is part of the physical body, the mind is part of our spiritual body. When we tie this into the understanding that part of our purpose here on earth is for our spirit to learn to manage the physical body, this takes on a whole new understanding. We can start to understand how our brain works to keep our physical body alive, and how our mind works to move us forward to find and fulfill our potential.

Have you ever thought about the fact that every action we engage in has a ripple effect? When we do something, it will affect the people around us, then they will take that action, turn it into thoughts, feelings, and actions, and their actions will in turn affect the people around them, and on and on. So what about our actions? Are they creating the kind of ripple effect that we want to send out into the world? Let's take a look at this today.

Respect is one of the most basic and fundamental elements in any healthy relationship. Today we're going to discuss some of the indicators of a lack of respect so you can recognize your own unhealthy behaviors in this area, and also so you can recognize when respect is not being shown to you. We'll also touch on the importance of consequences and boundaries in regards to respect. If you don't have respect, you don't really have a relationship.

The word "should" is one that we really should take out of our vocabulary! All it does is work to create controlling expectations of others and bring guilt and shame to ourselves. When living from a place of should rather than a place of love, we break down the relationship with ourselves and with others. Learning to do or do not, rather than shoulding ourselves is a place of self-care and compassion.

I love this one! Today we are learning about how we can use our future to create our future. Generally we tend to look to our past for patterns and examples of how to live our lives and create our future, but our past is limited by what we already know. Our future is full of potential and ideas that we currently just dream of, so learning to tap into our future to help us create our future is an amazing way to move forward.

Sometimes it seems as though we can't escape the difficulties of our past. They just keep coming up and coming up and making our current lives so much more difficult. But if we can really learn to embrace our past for the amazing lessons it has to teach, and to think in more positive ways about the challenges we have encountered in our lives, we will find the peace with our past that will allow us to have faith in our future.

Healing after a really difficult experience can be so challenging. But healing can happen when we start to see the meaning behind the experience. Learning to ask ourselves, "What can I learn from this?" rather than "Why did this have to happen to me?" is a process of learning to cue into our thoughts and start creating healing thoughts rather than thoughts that keep us stuck in pain. Today we'll talk about how to do this.

Emotional abuse is such an inside killer of so many relationships, and most of us don't even know we're engaging in it. Giving someone the silent treatment is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse because so often we think we're taking the higher road by not yelling and screaming. So today we're discussing what the silent treatment is, how we engage in it, and what we need to do whether we are the perpetrator or the victim. Good stuff!

The River of Misery is the place of discomfort where all good things happen in our lives. Growing from one form of ourselves to the upgraded version of ourselves is almost always a painful, difficult process, but it's the only way to move forward. And growing is the only way to be happy. And the River of Misery is the only way to grow. So it's time to be willing to embrace the discomfort if we're going become the even more amazing person that we are.

Do you ever think of yourself as a fixer-upper? Sometimes it seems there is just so much we need to fix to get us to a healthy and happy place. But what if we were to embrace the idea that there isn't actually anything about ourselves that we need to fix? What if we were to accept the fact that we are perfect just the way we are? What if we could start believing that we are completely whole and that it's just our behaviors that need tweaking? Let's chat about it.

So today I get a little bit personal when I tell you about a recent experience I had hurting someone's feelings and what I learned from it. Basically, that it's all about love. If I can get my heart to a place of love, everything in my life is better. Love really is the answer if we want greater happiness and peace in our lives.

This podcast is prompted by three situations this week where people have felt that they don't need to worry about the consequences of their behavior because it's the other person's responsibility to control their thoughts using the thought model. And yes, it is their responsibility, but it is also your responsibility to control your own actions and take responsibility for them. We're talking today about how consequences and boundaries fit in with The Thought Model.

Choosing to love yourself is one of the most important things we can do in this life. The love we have for ourself is the impetus for all emotional health and deep peace and happiness. When we love ourselves we unleash a potential for growth that will change the world we live in. Today we discuss how to start changing all of those negative thoughts and become a person filled with love for themselves, others, and God.

Isn't growing up an amazing thing? The things I know now that I didn't know when I was younger are so great and life-changing. Today I'm going to share six of my grown-up thoughts that have changed how I view the world and made me a better person.

Finding balance as our lives get busier and busier just seems to be so elusive. So how do we live lives that don't seem to be spinning out of control? Let's start by how we view our lives first. Rather than seeking for perfect balance, embracing the idea that our lives are always unbalanced in certain seasons of our lives is a great first start. The second thing we can do is begin to seek to be centered rather than balanced. Join me today and we'll chat about it!

The reasons behind why we do things have such a huge impact on the results in our lives. Today we are discussing how our reasons for engaging in certain behaviors affects our relationship with God, with others, and with ourselves. This is a concept worthy of a lot of self-reflection to understand where we are and where we want to go.

Ever wonder why sometimes changing behaviors can be so incredibly difficult? Today we're discussing why that is and how we can work to make changes in our lives that are long-lasting.

Correcting and connecting. A small difference of two little letters, a huge difference in how to get there and the results once we are there. When we seek to correct others, especially with the wrong motivation, we are always going to run into resistance. But when we seek to connect with others first and always, we will break down walls that will allow for stronger relationships. It can be so easy for us to feel as though it is our responsibility to correct the world around us, when really, it is way more our responsibility to connect the world around us.

Really? The secret to the universe? Yep. Today we are talking about how to really create the kind of peaceful, content life you really want to have. How our thoughts can create exactly what we want from our circumstances so we can have stronger connections and relationships with those people around us. Through this you can create your universe just the way you want it. Really.

Although we often use the words guilt and shame interchangeably, understanding the difference between them can be a real eye-opener. Guilt can actually be a quite helpful feeling to experience as it will drive us to change our behaviors and move into a better space. Shame, however, is never helpful. It shuts us down and stops us from progressing. Guilt says, "What I did was bad," and shame says, "I am bad." This has huge implications in our daily journey.

One of the more difficult things many of us struggle with is minding our own business. This is because we've been raised with the idea that it is our responsibility to make sure that everyone is happy and everyone is progressing and things are good. When we feel this way we can become very controlling and start stepping into everyone else's business. Minding our own business is really one of the most loving things we can do for people.

So much of our society is trying to sell us on the idea that self-care involves spending a lot of money at the nail or lash salon, or at the spa. But self care goes a lot deeper than indulging ourselves. Self-care really isn't always a lot of fun, it can be difficult and even boring. Self-care involves doing the things we need to every day, and week, and month to keep ourselves in a good place mentally and emotionally. Let's talk about what those things are today, shall we?

What so many of us seek for is true belonging with other people, but we often think we can get there by trying to fit in. But where belonging is bring our true selves to the table, fitting in tries to change who we are in order to be a part of the group. Today we are discussing how these concepts of belonging and fitting in work with ourselves and with our children and others closest to us.

Self-esteem is a topic that is constantly being covered in women's and parenting magazines. We hear about how our self-esteem impacts our choices for both good and for bad. And yet so much of the information about how to create a healthy self-esteem is focused on external changes, when what really needs to happen are internal changes that create more self-respect. Let's chat about this today, shall we?

Sometimes it can seem so much easier to have compassion for others than it can be to have compassion for ourselves. But self-compassion is a vital element in our having a life filled with peace, contentment, and happiness. In this episode we are discussing what self-compassion is and how we can draw upon it when we need it, which is most days!

Forgiving ourselves for things we have done can be a pretty difficult challenge sometimes. But learning to understand our life experience in the context of God's Plan of Salvation can help us see how forgiving ourselves is not only part of our human process, but a necessary one if we are to find the promised peace that we so desperately seek during these times.

Ugh. Divorce. What a topic. But I frequently have people ask me about my divorce and how I came to the decision to file after 4 kids and 24 years of marriage. And I know I sought similar information from other women whom I admired before I made my decision. So today I'll tell you my process of coming to the decision to file for divorce and how I knew it was the right one. Though my situation will not be your situation, I pray that if you're working through this that something will be helpful to you.

Do you remember the life you envisioned when you were a young 20? I do too. And the circumstances I imagined back then are nothing like the life I'm living now. But all is not lost! When I come to realize that although I can’t choose the circumstances of the life I’m living, I can choose how to live with the circumstances of my life, then I can come to a place of peace, contentment, and growth. Join me today as we discuss how we can learn to take our circumstances and turn them into growth opportunities.

Pain. Definitely not one of our favorite things to feel, but it is an inevitable part of life. Today we are discussing three ways we tend to want to deal with pain that are not helpful at all: avoiding, resisting, and reacting. But, we're also going to talk about how to process pain so that we can work through it and come out the other side in a better place.

Do you ever feel you would like a little more validation in your life? But then we get it and it seems it's never enough, we still don't feel appreciated for all of our sacrifices and efforts. Today we are talking about external validation versus internal validation. Real purpose in life comes from our own internal validation rather than the external validation from other people. So how do we get there? Let's talk about it.

So today we go into detail about how to coach yourself. We will discover how to decide what the circumstance is, and what your thoughts are. Then we'll discuss how to fill out the thought model to come to an awareness of how your thoughts impact and create your feelings, actions, and the results of your life. This is the basic process for learning how to see yourself more clearly and understand how you can take more control of your life.

What do boundaries have to do with healthy relationships? Everything! Today we're going to talk about how our thoughts can help us to respect other people's boundaries so we can have greater connection and satisfaction in our relationships.

You know that lady that offended you last week? She didn't really offend you. She just acted like a human. You chose to take her words or actions and think about them in such a way that you hurt your own feelings. Getting offended is such a "go-to" when we don't want to take responsibility for our own feelings, but feeling offended is entirely up to us. We choose what to think about what other people do or say, they actually don't have any control at all -- unless we give it to them. Join me today as we talk more in-depth about how we can never be offended again.

Oh my gosh! How many of us find ourselves totally stuck in life sometimes?!? Definitely me. We're in a situation and we can't figure out how to get out of it and move on. Well, today we're discussing how to get unstuck. What are the types of thoughts that keep us stuck and what are the types of thought that get us unstuck and keep us moving forward and progressing? I know this is a shocker, but it all begins with our thoughts.

Adversity. Just the word can cause us to shrink back and want to hide in a corner. But despite all of its struggles and challenges and frustrations, adversity is one of the greatest blessings in our lives. It can take us from a life of stagnation to a life of growth and happiness. Today we discuss all the ways adversity is actually a huge blessing in our lives.

This is the second half of an interview I had with my 19 year old daughter, Allison, almost four years after my divorce. She showed up with some vulnerability talking about the effects the divorce has had on her, both good and bad. If you know a teenager impacted by divorce, this is insightful to see things from one child's perspective on her parents' divorce.

This is the first half of an interview I had with my 19 year old daughter, Allison, almost four years after my divorce. She showed up with some vulnerability talking about the effects the divorce has had on her, both good and bad. If you know a teenager impacted by divorce, this is insightful to see things from one child's perspective on her parents' divorce.

For many of us, our past can be one of the biggest obstacles we have to overcome in this life. Experiences from when we were younger, or even just last week, can weigh us down with feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, frustration, and anger. In this episode we are discussing how to see things from our past as things in the past, and not something to dictate our today or tomorrow. Here's a hint - it has everything to do with how we choose to think about them!

It is so easy to get caught up in the blame game! It's just such a natural part of being a human. But blaming instead of taking responsibility is a place where we become the victim, a place where we have no control over where we are and how we got there. Responsibility is a place of empowerment where we realize that we are in control of our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, and ultimately the results in our lives. Join me today as we discuss what blame looks like, and how to move from blame to responsibility.

Alright. Today we're hitting some of the basics of self-coaching, figuring out how to tell the difference between the facts in our story and our thoughts in our story. This is the first and most important skill to master in being able to start moving towards a more healthy emotional life and being in control of our emotions and how much drama we experience.

All of us find ourselves in a place of overwhelm at times. Today we're discussing how to get out of it, and how to keep from going there as often and as deep.

Setting and accomplishing goals is one of the hallmarks of all successful people. Today we're discussing five of the biggest mistakes we can make when setting goals, and how to combat them.

Who are the people you trust to be in your inner circle? These are the friends who are closest to you, who know your hopes and dreams and fears, and with whom you can be most vulnerable. We have a lot of friends in our lives, but there are just a few who have earned the right to the title of inner circle. Join me today as we discuss the qualities of an inner circle friend, which can be very different from a Friday night Netflix friend.

For most of my life I believed the adage "forgive and forget", and in so doing, I thought that if I forgave someone I also had to trust them. Not so! Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. In today's episode, we discuss what forgiveness is and why having a forgiving heart doesn't require that we also have a trusting heart.

Being nice and being kind -- they're not the same thing. Join me today as we discover why it's so much better to be kind than to be nice.

So many of us live our lives in such an unsettled place. We don't feel we're good enough, or strong enough, or beautiful enough. We really struggle to accept ourselves for who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, and we struggle to accept others as well. Today we'll discuss how we can live a more content life, a life full of acceptance and growth.

Do you have a growth or a fixed mindset? And why would it matter? Based off of Carol Dweck's phenomenal book "Mindset", today we are discussing what the difference is between a growth and a fixed mindset and why it's important. Trust me. It matters.

Our self-worth is not something we build up, but rather something we discover. Each of us is a person of worth just because we are -- just because we are human. Discovering that we are enough is the most important thing we can do in this life because it fuels every decision that we make. Join me today as we discuss how to discover that we are enough.

Unconditional love is perhaps the biggest secret to truly being happy and content in life, and it's probably not what you think! Join me today as we discuss what unconditional love is, what is isn't, and how to get there.

In the last two episodes we discussed what boundaries are and why they are so important. In this episode we will talk about 9 steps we can take to implement healthier boundaries into our lives.

So much more to say about Boundaries! We'll discuss even more about why boundaries are so important for healthy and intimate relationships and look more in-depth at why we often struggle so much with setting boundaries.

Boundaries are so important for strong and healthy relationships. In this episode we will explore what it means to have healthy boundaries and why they are so important.

Doesn't that just sound great? To be happy all the time? Well it does, until it doesn't. Positive and negative emotions are necessary for our well-being and happiness. Today we'll discuss why this is and how negative emotions can actually help us to have greater happiness than before.

Listening is the most vital skill for good communication and connection, and yet so many of us are just not good listeners. Today we'll discuss how we can strengthen this skill and improve our relationships as a result.

Changing our behaviors can be one of the most challenging things in our lives. Today we'll discuss how to create long-lasting change to put us on the path of personal growth we really want to be on.

Remember to subscribe so you don't miss an episode!

Most of us come from a place where we are not big fans of conflict, in fact, often we say we hate conflict. Today we'll discuss how conflict can be a good thing and how we can use it to strengthen our relationships.

If you're like me, you may have a few control issues here and there. Today we'll discuss when it's ok to have control issues and when it's not, because sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.

Welcome to Intentional Living with your host, certified life coach Tanya Hale. On this podcast we will discuss who we are, where we're going, and how we're going to get there.