almost human...: Recent Episodes
A.K. Finn
What you should do in most situations is probably obvious. So why don’t you? Why isn’t knowing how much better it would be to do what you know you should enough of a motivation to actually do it?
If your thoughts are skewed by your limited state (via addiction or whatever else holds you back), could thoughts ever be used to change your state? What about your behavior? Learn to bypass and unravel unhelpful, deceptive conscious thoughts as you access the power of deeper unconscious knowledge buried beneath.
We’ve been looking at the power of going public with your real experience to grow and change your life. But anything you consciously attempt to portray will be fraught with dishonesty and self-indulgence, putting you in your own way. Growth comes when you can cut through your own current filters by seeing and being as close to real as possible (over time) instead of being intentional.
Seeing the big picture of your life means gaining a sense of the unknowable, ever-shifting balance of unique forces either pushing you forward or holding you back. So how can all your pushing, driving forces—your “whys” (your reasons for wanting to change) surpass the hindering forces—your addictions, compulsions, personal limitations…?
Today I dig into my own unbearable feeling of having wasted my most precious years: a fear of being frozen forever in inability, of wasted potential, of lost innocence or sense of adventure… Could a wider perspective reveal that nothing was really lost? Maybe there’s no need to beat yourself up for “wasting potential.” It’s a beautiful thing to see even your worst mistakes, tragedies, loss, and regrets all being somehow woven into a far bigger, richer picture or story.
Your reputation and responsibilities to others are only about as powerful a source of motivation to change as a fear of getting caught. Such indirect forces are too easy to negotiate with and ignore. But what can’t be outrun or hidden from are the values and beliefs you see yourself claiming publically over time.
Could going public with your real experience hold you accountable to return from addiction to a state of balance and control? Instead of trying to force yourself to quit something you’ve never been able to before, what if you could return to your real reasons for first doing/using whatever it is? No matter what, you didn’t start out as an addict.
Do you really have to hit rock bottom before you can hope to change? Is there no other way to grasp the importance of actually doing what you’ve never been able to before? How can you believe in yourself again (now) after having watched yourself fail time after time?
Addicts are adept at self-deception, lying to themselves about being able to “quit anytime they choose,” and about just how much of their lives and resources really go toward getting their fix. Is it possible to limit your own ability to deceive yourself?
Are addictions something you can ever get out of your system by binging? Today I walk through a typical week of addiction to share the reality of planning “final blowouts” every weekend for years . . . only to never actually quit come Monday.
It’s easy to always leap from a desperate longing for change to ever newer and shinier how-to plans; but could planning really just be hiding . . . putting off what you know you need to do as you (again) reconsider how? Could planning and strategizing be a comforting way to avoid actually changing NOW?
How many perfect plans to change have you watched yourself fail? Is a better plan really the answer?
Could seeing what your life looks like from the outside help you change your life? Going public with your journey of becoming the person you want to be is powerful; it shows you where you’re really at and what must come next (in an unavoidable way). So should you just go out right now and haphazardly fling the depths of your afflicted soul somewhere?
Has recording your intentions over time ever made ignoring them more and more difficult? Has making your intentions known ever helped you follow through on them? Today I share how my addiction hindered my desire to reach out and connect with others; my hypothesis all along was that sharing about my addiction (while still addicted) would help me gain control and fulfill my desire to connect.
Are addictive/compulsive tendencies ever really effective at masking or solving deeper problems? Won’t those core issues just splay out in new and woeful ways when you try to run or hide from them? Objective perspective over time can help you uncover where you really went wrong, showing you what you need to do next to put your life back together.
How does addiction affect your feelings about yourself, your state, your abilities, your future...? Have you ever felt unable to move forward in life no matter how hard you try?
What first drew you to whatever you’re addicted to? Has addiction kept your real reasons for doing/using whatever it is from being fulfilled? Maybe let questions like these sit beneath the surface and collect in time the dust of your truest convictions and driving intuitions. Could whatever drew you to whatever you’re addicted to actually help you overcome your addiction?
Forcing yourself to resist the pull of your addiction can feel incredibly gloomy and unpleasant, consuming all your focus and drive. What happens when all your convictions for change get lost in the fuzz of sudden sobriety?
Dreams and passions can be some of the clearest signposts to reveal potential you’re currently being kept from reaching. Can addictions and other personal imitations keep you from achieving (or even knowing) your dreams?
Can drug experiences ever be beautiful or valuable? What if they’re scary or unpleasant? What if you’re addicted to the drug? To balance out the idea of weed’s “magic” and “value,” I share a particularly negative high experience that affected me deeply early on.
How much better or more beneficial would what you’re compelled to do be if you could wait for the right time for it? Are certain experiences better or more special when you can have them less often?
As addiction pushes you to use/consume/do more and more, tolerance and imbalance rob the experience of its magic and value. Can that balance be restored? Is control possible after addiction? The magic (or value) of what I was addicted to seemed worth facing and overcoming the addiction for. That’s partly why balance and control have been my goals instead of lifelong abstinence.
Held back by marijuana addiction, I set out in hopes of answering a single question: Could sharing your experience help improve your experience—could sharing help you overcome whatever’s keeping your experience from being as enjoyable or fruitful as it could be? Failing plan after plan to change, I was left with a single underlying hypothesis to test: that all I really had to do was go public with my real addiction experience, and then my addiction would essentially take care of itself.
Can identity ever be free and unique in a world of imposed standards and ideals? Can anyone actually be an individual when systems of quick categorization constantly divide us seemingly to our core to make us useful?
Let your body show you how it wants to move. Then, instead of doubling down on some “perfect” plan or strategy, always be learning and implementing your own unique and evolving methodology when it comes to health and exercise.
Standing up and letting your body move however it wants to shows you how you’ll need to prepare yourself, physically, to live the life you want; and finding a way to share your story or journey holds you accountable to that life.
Ever get high and just sort of feel your body wanting to move a certain way? What if letting yourself go with it (high or not) could mean tapping into something truly transcendent and unique to the core of your being?
Standing and allowing your body to move freely for no set time can capture the essence of everything about martial arts except for the actual fighting moves.
Find motivation and direction to reverse the effects of aging when you stand up and let your body to move however it wants to for no set time (the way children do).
Once you can’t ignore what you should be doing, the voice of your conscience gets uglier and uglier the longer you keep putting it off.
Read or listen to the whole story here.
In much of my writing on addiction and self-improvement, I delve deep into my own personal experience. My hope is to connect with and empower others who feel held back in similar ways.
But now I’d like to take a different tact. I’ll be sharing mostly from “the literature” about how to break free from the root pains and shame lurking at the core of entrenched addictions and other limiting behaviors.
Sex addiction (or compulsive sex) is a great example of addiction becoming a bad relationship with something good or valuable. We in the west might be approaching sex in exactly the wrong way if the goal is to make the experience (the relationship) as enjoyable and meaningful as it can be.
A mature perspective is the key to overcoming addictions and other unhelpful forces in your life. Maturity comes from being unable to avoid seeing your values, hindrances, and state for exactly what they are.
Instead of trying to plan or force your way out of addiction, just SEE as much of who you are (your values) as you can. Then your perspective changes, and you watch yourself start to live as the person you most want to be.
Now that marijuana is gaining more and more legitimacy in society, let’s explore the uncertain balance of responsible use.
“Why does everyone else seem so happy, together, free…?” “What do they all know that I don’t?” “Am I the only one that…?” Have you ever felt more real than the people you’re surrounded by? It’s not that you feel superior or want to be celebrated; you just wish you could connect with others, but most seem forever preoccupied with superficial distractions you can’t help but find unimportant.