Grateful, No Matter What: Recent Episodes
Kyle The Grateful
I truly believe that people have the ability to change, to adjust their lifestyles in a way that makes them a better version of themselves one day at a time. I know from personal experience how satisfying it was, and still is, to embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-care through a healthy lifestyle. What excites me even more is the idea that one day I can directly play a part in someone else’s journey; help transform their lives in such a way that they will hopefully carry on their own ideals for the entirety of their lives.
Follow me on my journey.
Finding similarities with other people helps us live happy and healthy lives. Your life may feel ordinary to you, but it might seem extraordinary to someone else. Every story shared is a chance to make someone feel less alone.
Sharing your story with others invites others to connect with you. Whether the experiences you talk about are positive or negative — it doesn’t matter. The fact that you are share anything with others in a society that is either all-or-nothing is impactful in itself. It causes everyone who is listening to reflect on our words.
Telling your story will enhance your personal growth and maturity. Being confronted with the unfortunate realities that come with having difficult conversations or sharing negative or triggering experiences can be worth the growth. Growing not only for yourself but also for those who choose to be actively engaged in this journey of learning alongside you
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Nothing is stronger than habit. Simply put, a habit is a behavior that starts as a choice, and then becomes a nearly unconscious pattern. Every habit, no matter how simple or complex, has the same structure, which we call the "habit loop." There is a cue or a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional behavior. Finally, there is a reward. Once you understand how habit loops work, you can start changing them.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
A century ago, Albert Einstein taught us: everything is relative. The way you see the world depends on your point of view and context. What is hot for you might be mild for me, what is a success for me might be a failure to you. There’s no black and white, there’s only the perspective you choose to look at things. Everything can change in a snap when you provide context. So, is everything relative? It depends on how you look at things and you must always seek a new perspective on life. You can have anything you can imagine if you are willing to pay the price. But you'll never be satisfied with life if you just mindlessly try to control everything. Life is like a river, you can’t control it fully, it flows where it wants, it was flowing before you and will flow long after you. Choosing the right perspective on life matters more than you think and only you can choose one that makes your life meaningful, happy and complete.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
“No” is a word most of us use too infrequently. And, what’s worse, when we say “No” we usually add on all sorts of lengthly and unecessary explanations. But “No” can be a complete sentence, and to be honest, "No" is a complete sentence.
Often, no is a difficult thing to say. This resistance to the word is directly linked to the need and desire to seek approval from other people. This need has rooted itself deep into todays society of instant gratification and impatience. But, don't worry! Practice makes perfect. More and more you will become comfortable with the idea that no is not negative and hopefully begin to see how it impacts your life, your relationships, and your overall mindset.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
You have the power to attract. To attract positive energy from the Universe means changing the way you think and act. Your thoughts betray the person you really are and if they are negative then you cannot hope to ever embrace positivity. For many, it is incredibly difficult to make that transition and for those wanting positivity then it really does mean going back to basics. It is not as tough as it sounds! All it needs is for you to write down a road map of the kind of person you wish to become. The strategy, a key part of powerful positive thinking, is the action that will help you deliver the person that is already there. It means rejecting irrational fears and anxieties; no longer dwelling in the past, being open minded, tolerant and slow to anger. For positive energy to radiate from you then you have to learn to like yourself. You are a unique individual and very special in your own way. You need to accept that, and when you do, others will see and appreciate your qualities.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
I’ll admit I’m a creature of habit in many ways. I tend to settle into routines that feel good, and I get pretty invested in them at times. A routine is a series of habits. If you've got a good routine set up, say a morning routine of breakfast-exercise-shower-dress-commute, you've freed yourself from a lot of small decisions that could slow you down or capture valuable brain-space that you'd prefer to use for something else. You can now go on autopilot and still accomplish your. In this way, paradoxically, a good routine can be freeing. No need for constant decision-making about what's coming next or what you should do. You're gonna brush your teeth before you leave the house, and that's that!
Routine can create positive habits, but too much routine creates some inflexibility, as well as other challenges that can do more harm than good for you and your overall growth and evolution. Is there a healthy balance?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
The external, as well as the internal are forever changing, no matter what we do, say, or try to actively control on a daily basis. Nothing is static, everything is in constant motion, fluctuating, growing, evolving, dying; turning into something that it was not just months, weeks, days, seconds, or even moments before. This constant change, that nothing lasts forever, is the law of impermanence, which is defined as the state or fact of lasting for only a limited period of time.
Even if you’ve never heard of this concept, I’m sure the word “impermanence” seems somewhat familiar. If you take a closer look at it, you should see the root word permanent, which comes from the Latin permanere, "endure, continue, or stay to the end." This means that nothing every changes, it always stays the same, no matter what. Think of a permanent marker. If you write on a wall or someone’s clothing, there’s no way of washing it off; it’s there forever, you can’t change it or erase it. On the other hand, you have impermanence, which is the exact opposite of permanent. It means nothing lasts forever, nothing stays exactly the same, and to understand the impermanent nature of everything in life is to understand the inevitability of change.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Eugene Thalmann, owner of Sprouting Dreams Farm in Liberty, NY. This episode was taped back in September of 2020, but everything we spoke about is still quite relevant several months later. Eugene is very passionate about farming, food, and connecting to the land. We discussed all of these topics and so much more. Enjoy! If you want to connect with Eugene, feel free to reach out to him: Sprouting Dreams Farm (Facebook) & @sproutingdreamsfarm (Instagram).
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Meditation isn’t about becoming a different person, a new person, or even a better person. It’s about training yourself to become more self-aware while getting a healthy sense of perspective. If you think about it, it's truly a journey from the outer world into the inner one. With each passing moment allow yourself to become closer and more intimate with your breath. You have the choice and ultimate authority to come back to your breath, especially when your mind starts to race towards the past or the future. Remember, you’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. And eventually, you may start to better understand them as well. It is up to you, the individual to take back these moments as your own and cherish them as if it was your last one. Be here now. It’s where your most authentic life is happening.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Dr. Steven K. Finch, who is the Owner/Founder of Lifestyle Evolution, along with his wife Jeanna. He created a bio-individualized and transformative prevention based on clinical weight loss & complete lifestyle change interventions, for overweight to super-super obese (BMI 60+) individuals with coexisting chronic diseases. Through an innovative, sustainable, and viable health coaching and integrative/functional medicine and nutrition model, he utilizes virtual communication technologies (i.e., text, phone, zoom) to help client achieve their health goals. We discussed many facets of his journey into the Health & Wellness field, how he approaches his clients, and so much more. Enjoy!
If you want to connect with Steven, feel free to reach out to him: www.lifestyle-evolution.com (Website), @lifestyleevolutioncoaching (Instagram), Lifestyle Evolution (Facebook), or steve@lifestyle-evolution.com (E-mail).
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
I was recently asked the question, "What makes a man a man?", and I honestly didn't know how to answer it. In my head, certain qualities came up to describe a man, but before I spoke those words into existence, I realized that those same qualities could be attributed to a woman as well.
And that's why I couldn't answer the question and felt somewhat confused and taken aback. Not because of my impulsive or knee-jerk thought, rather the fact that in that moment I truly recognized that there is no line of demarkation between what makes a man a man and a woman a woman.
I understand there are certain physical attributes that can make someone a male or female, but that's their sex, not their gender. And gender isn't black and white at all, which means that gender roles, gender identity, and gender-based qualities aren't either.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Amy Kaufman, who is an amazing soul that is heavily involved in Energy Healing. During a Tarot Card reading in 2009, she was invited to consider becoming a Reiki Practitioner and it rang true for her. This lead her down a path in becoming a certified Reiki Master. In addition, she leads people through Cacao Ceremonies, guided meditations, and provides them the time and space to go within and embark on their own journey of self-discovery. She is giver of love, support and a giver of herself. Following her path in becoming a Reiki Master has allowed her to continue to give love and support to many in need of healing. Reiki is a method of bringing to light your inner joy, a way to calm and relax you and a way to alleviate physical pain. We discussed this and so many other interesting topics. Enjoy!
If you want to connect with Amy, feel free to reach out to her: https://amykaufman.co (Website), amy@amykaufman.co (E-mail), @reiki_withamy (Instagram), & Amy Axelrod Kaufman (Facebook).
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Pain is part of life. It does not have to rule your life. Suffering, is not part of life. We do it to ourselves. When it comes to how we respond to physical and emotional pain, we have a choice
Life happens, right? We lose jobs, we may lose a home, we get sick, we break bones, and unfortunately people die on us. This is all a part of life, no mater how hard we try to avoid it. And guess what, it hurts. I'm not going to try to convince you of otherwise.
When we feel this type of pain, it is what we call an appropriate emotion, which is an appropriate response to life events that hurt. If you stand back from it and cast a critical eye over your life, you will find that these events, thankfully, do not occur that often (hopefully).
We can’t choose whether or not we’re going to experience pain. But we can choose to let go and not to fight against it or become overly attached to it and wallow.
Is this easy? Of course not. However, it is absolutely possible. By adjusting our thinking, and how we think about our thinking, we can change our emotional responses, the extent to which we suffer (or not), our level of tension and stress, and in turn, our experience of pain.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Stephanie Morgan, who I met during my time in Grad School to be a Clinical Nutrition Specialist. First of all, Stephanie is a Wife, a Mama, Nutritionist, Personal Trainer and TRX instructor. She grew up in Central New York, spent 10 years in Massachusetts after college, and decided to move back to NY in 2014 with her husband and 2 young daughters to be closer to family. She became a Licensed Massage Therapist where I was honored to do body work that resolved my clients pain and put a smile on their face. After becoming a mother she realized that she needed to prioritize self-care and dove into her local fitness community. This fostered her desire to bring wellness and positive mindset to other Mama’s so that they can live their best life. A life that reduces mental and physical clutter. That focuses on sustainable whole body wellness and living with intention. If you want connect with Stephanie, feel free to reach out to her: @cultivated_nutrition on Instagram and Stephanie Morgan on Facebook.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given.
Once you allow yourself to become oriented toward looking for things to be grateful for, you will start to appreciate simple pleasures and things that you may have previously took for granted.
Remember, gratitude shouldn't be just a reaction to getting what you want, but a no matter what type of gratitude. The kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good even in unpleasant situations.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Justin Sutherland, who is composer, songwriter, organic vegetable farmer, and an all around amazing human being. He is the co-owner of Somewhere In Time Farm and farms his family's land which dates back to the early 1900s. His goal is to continue writing songs about the land he grew up on and to farm the land with his family. His song "Where The Wild Deer Roam" is now available on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, Youtube, and Pandora. In addition, his next single will be available on April first called "Star Gazer" on these same platforms. You can find the Sutherlands vegetables at local restaurants like "Main Street Farm" and "The Kaatskeller" as well as their farm stand at Somewhere In Time Lane and pop up stand in Livingston Manor on main street every weekend during the spring, summer and fall. We discussed organic farming, all things related to music, growing up in the country, life, and so much more. Enjoy! If you want connect with Justin, feel free to reach out to him: @justinsutherlandmusic & @somewhereintimefarm on Instagram and Justin Sutherland & Somewhere In Time Farm on Facebook.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Whether it has to do with personal growth, business, romance, or finances, are you being held back by fear of your own potential? It seems counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? Each and every one of us wants to reach our goals, find fulfillment, and be successful in life…right?
Now, this isn’t a question of whether or not you can execute whatever it is that needs to be done. The universe has acted in your favor, which is why you are now at this stage with endless possibilities. This is more of a case of whether or not it’s going to scare you when you finally reach your aspired level of success. Because, it’s like a glitch in the continuum of your life. Things are going along fine and you feel confident that you are hitting the markers. Everything is going great, moving smoothly towards some amazing, something you've always wanted...and then bam. You feel the fear of your own success.
Once you know what it is that scares you about living to your fullest potential, how can you overcome that fear so it does not hold you back or sabotage your happiness and success?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Terrance M. Daves, who is an all-around enthusiast and lover of building anything and everything. As a father of 4, he is passionate about building his family’s legacy by being able to instill confidence and compassion to guide the next generation. Terrance is the unofficial motivational speaker of the people closest to him as he values relationship building, staying true to yourself and just having a good time. He’s committed to living life to the fullest and enjoying what he has been blessed with at all times. We discussed how to maintain a healthy marriage, acknowledging and navigating familial cycles, his various hobbies (that mostly include wheels of some sort), and so much more. Enjoy!
If you want connect with Terrance, feel free to reach out to him: @terranced_ (Instagram).
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
I’m sure that each and every one of us have felt slighted or wronged by someone during the course of our lives. This could have been a family member, a friend, a coworker or even a stranger that you just cross paths within that exact moment. This person may have said something or done something that genuinely hurt your feelings or that you felt was disrespectful. And as a result, you started to harbor feelings of anger, frustration, or aggravation towards this particular person. These feelings, if left unattended, can produce deep-seated resentments, which usually transform into this act of holding a grudge.
When we hold onto grudges and resentment, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It causes us to carry negative, tense energy in our biology. The problem with grudges, besides the fact that they are a drag to carry around (like a bag of sedimentized toxic waste that keeps us stuck in anger) is that they don’t serve the purpose that they are there to serve. They don’t make us feel better or heal our hurt. At the end of the day, we end up as proud owners of our grudges but still without the experience of comfort that we ultimately crave, that we have craved since the original wounding.
To let go of a grudge we need to move the focus off of the one who “wronged” us, off of the story of our suffering, and into the felt experience of what we actually lived.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with a really good friend of mine, Sophia Medina, who is a driven high school senior who is constantly working to make the world a better place. Climate and racial justice along with LGBT equality are just a few causes she’s currently fighting for. As an amateur yogi, Sophia is learning to get in touch with her highest self while trying to manage starting a new chapter of her life amidst the pandemic. We discussed these topics and so much more. Enjoy!
If you want connect with Sophia, feel free to reach out to her: @Sophiaxmedina (Instagram) & Sophia Medina (Facebook).
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Meditation isn’t about becoming a different person, a new person, or even a better person. It’s about training yourself to become more self-aware while getting a healthy sense of perspective. If you think about it, it's truly a journey from the outer world into the inner one. With each passing moment allow yourself to become closer and more intimate with your breath. You have the choice and ultimate authority to come back to your breath, especially when your mind starts to race towards the past or the future. Remember, you’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. And eventually, you may start to better understand them as well.
It is up to you, the individual to take back these moments as your own and cherish them as if it was your last one. Be here now. It’s where your most authentic life is happening.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with a really good friend of mine, Frank De Julio, who is an NY based Actor and Human. We discussed a range of topics from how we met way back in the Catering world, moving to NYC at 17 to pursue an acting career, coming out at such a young age, and so much more.
If you want to check out any of Franks on screen work, you can find him in Otherhood and Orange is the New Black on Netflix, Pose on FX, Bull on CBS, The Night Of and The Normal Heart on HBO.
To connect with Frank, feel free to reach out to him on his Instagram: @Frankdejulio
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Think about this. I mean, really think about it. Some people would choose to experience hell because it’s something they are used to and comfortable with rather than venturing into the unknown. Even if that unknown could end up being heavenly, blissful, and aligned with your true passion.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And this goes from everything in life. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, or a bad habit, people willingly put themselves through unhealthy routines because it’s familiar to them. Remember that heaven is a place on earth. So is hell. Where are choosing to be today? It might be controversial or unpopular to say that staying in hell is a choice, but sometimes I truly think it is. Sometimes it’s not. You have a choice. You are choosing right now. You are reading this for a reason. What do you need to choose next? Do you dare to go into the unknown?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with a really good friend of mine, Mae Bonnaci, who is an artist at her core! When Mae isn't running her business Chain Lynx Media, she paints her life experiences onto the page with her poetry and published works. Just as she tells a story for all her Chain Lynx branding clients she tells the story of her life's journey. Author of Conversations With My Mother and Beautifully Redeemed, Mae speaks of truth, but more importantly she speaks with heart, always captivating people from all walks of life. Through raw emotion and lyrical prose, Mae hopes to inspire other women through honest explorations of heartache, desire, femininity, love, and family. When she’s not writing, Mae can be found with a paintbrush in her hand or on a plane, seeking a new adventure. We discussed all of this and so much more. Enjoy!
To connect with Mae, feel free to reach out to her on any of her social media platforms: Facebook (Personal): Mae Bonnaci Facebook (Business): Chain Lynx Media Instagram (Personal): @_simply.mae_ Instagram (Business): @chainlynxmedia Website: http://www.chainlynxmedia.com https://www.iamsimplymae.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Real growth is an inside job. True happiness is an inside job. Becoming a better version of yourself is an inside job.
Do you see the trend? It all starts with you. Just like self love, self care, self confidence, self acceptance and self awareness. You have to stop looking outside of yourself or to the external world for all your answers and guidance. You’re responsible for yourself. Your health. Your life. Your happiness, your actions and consequences!
At the end of the day, you have to power to pick and choose who is in your life, how you respond to your situations and circumstances, where you wanna go and how you’re gonna get there.
When you choose to listen and honor yourself...the quality of your life has the ability to improve!
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking to Philip Wayne. A longtime friend, Phil has known Kyle since 2009 when the two met on a trip to Israel (Kyle was actually one of the group leaders despite being only 2 years older than Phil). Phil is a New York City High School Teacher who's on to discuss the challenges of teaching during the Covid pandemic and how it can and should shape education moving forward. In addition, we will dive into Phil’s experiences performing comedy throughout New York City, his time being Kyle’s roommate, how his eating habits have evolved over the years, and as a big time sports fan, if he will ever see his New York teams win a championship. If you want to see some of his stand up performances, check these out: https://youtu.be/TAywkQadgAQ If you want to read some of his hilarious tweets (& retweets), check out his twitter: @PWayne27
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Projecting is a defense mechanism that occurs when a conflict arises between your unconscious feelings and your conscious beliefs. In order to subdue this conflict, you attribute these feelings to someone or something else. We often project things onto others when we have repressed anger, guilt, shame, or other emotions that we’ve convinced ourselves are “bad” and that don’t have a right to exist.
Instead of acknowledging these feelings and dealing with them in a way that’s healthy and productive, we repress them. The problem with doing so is that those swallowed emotions don’t just disappear when we stop paying attention to them. We push them away, deep down into the void of our unconscious, and since they’re not allowed to be released in a healthy manner, they manifest in less delightful ways.
Sometimes, you may not even be aware of the fact that you are projecting because it can be a difficult situation to navigate. Therefore, before you can truly address the underlying issues, you must first recognize when and how you might be projecting onto others. When you are capable of facing unwelcome feelings head on, you’ll find they are far less draining or damaging in the long term.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Tanisha Castellanos, who is a speaker, published author, licensed clinical Psychotherapist (LCSW) and Resiliency coach. For over 20 years, she has helped individuals and their families win the battle against mental health. Tanisha’s “first love” was the positive development of youth in the judicial system.
Her work has expanded to crisis interventions with diverse populations who are experiencing mental health crisis. Populations such as those in the field of criminal justice, first responders, business professionals, and public figures. She currently resides in The Hudson Valley, New York where she continues to provide therapy and resilience coaching in the areas of mental health.
To connect with Tanisha, feel free to reach out to her on any of her social media platforms:
Facebook: Tanisha Castellanos
Linked In: Tanisha Castellanos
Twitter: @ImTanishaC
Instagram: @imtanishac
YouTube: Tanisha Castellanos
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
When someone talks about investing in yourself, a lot of times the first thing we think of is money. But money isn't everything. There are other things that are extremely important when you are trying to pursue a dream, a passion, or achieve something. Do you know what that resource is?
If you weren't sure, the answer is time. And just like money, most of us don't have infinite amounts of it, so it's a precious resource that should not be taken for granted. The time you have throughout your day is obviously dedicated to a job, family, and other obligations, but you have to ask yourself if you're truly using all of it wisely. Are there times when you are sleeping in, hitting the snooze button or scrolling through social media. If that's the case, there is valuable time you can be using and devoting towards yourself and what you're passionate about.
The same goes for money. I know that most of don't have endless supplies of it and we have expenses that are required, such as rent and utilities. But, what about ordering in a few times a week? What about the coffee you buy every morning? It may not seem like a lot then, but it adds up. And that money could be used in other places, like yourself. Investing money into yourself, no matter what it is you are trying to accomplish.
It boils down to priorities. You have to figure out what is most important to you and devote as much time, money, and effort that you can towards it. Because, if you don't and you continue to do what you're doing, you're going to stay exactly where you are.
Is that something you want?
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I had the pleasure to sit down with Yovanni Field, who is someone who doesn't hold back and speaks from the heart. Growing up, Yovanni had his struggles with addiction, depression, and run in's with the law, but doesn't let that define him. Instead, he took those seemingly negative past experiences and used them as motivation to become an avid mental health enthusiast as well as a personal trainer.
This passion turned into his purpose, which inspired Yovanni to start an all around fitness business focusing not just on physical health, but mental health as well with a big goal in mind: building a brand to that can eventually become a world wide power house.
To connect with Yovanni, feel free to reach out to him on any of his social media platforms:
IG, TikTok, & Twitter: @yaeFTF_ABY
SnapChat: Yae_ftf
Email: YovanniFields@gmail.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
It is inevitable that there will be times when you may not know the answer to something. To avoid losing credibility and causing others to question your knowledge, you may try to act like you know or just go along because you're afraid of how others might judge or what they may say about you. I have realized that people will go out of their way to act like they are knowledgeable about a particular subject just to "look good" and avoid being perceived as dumb, stupid, or ignorant.
That begs the question: Why is that habit so rampant today? To be completely honest, I feel that there can be so much embarrassment, and possible shame associated with not knowing something, being misinformed, or even forgetting something deemed as common sense. Therefore, many people would rather save act like they know something than admit that they don't.
This mindset can create this vicious cycle that can end up leaving you trapped, stuck, and unable to evolve and move further on your path. At this point, a decision needs to be made: You have to surrender and allow yourself the opportunity to grow as a human being. You have to make the conscious decision to admit to yourself and others, when necessary, that you don’t have all the answers.
This should not be seen as a failure or disappointment, but rather a courageous moment where you give yourself a chance to be taught, to learn, and live a new way of life.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
On this episode of the Grateful, No Matter What Podcast, I sat down with Karina F. Daves, who is an amazingly talented human being. Karina prides herself on being a "for the people and with the people" type of gal and truly believes in the power of helping others, one season at a time.
Over the years, she has developed practices and skills in achieving BITE-SIZED GOALSbetween her career, her relationships and her sanity. She is not perfect, nor does she claim to the best at this gift called life. But, she does feel blessed. Blessed with the ability to think quickly on her feet, develop life-changing techniques, and still have a chuckle at the end of the day! Her passion is to be there for women, specifically moms, that need tools and confidence to keep going, no matter where they are in life!
To connect with Karina, feel free to reach out to her on any of her social media platforms:
Website: www.karinafdaves.com
IG: @karinafdaves
Email: karinafdaves@gmail.com
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
I used to think it was bad to change your mind. I would always worry about what other people would think when I decided to do something different.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Even uttering the words, “I changed my mind”, can seem so unacceptable. That sentence is short but, it holds a lot of meaning. And, if you’re like most people, it also carries a lot of shame and regret. It’s true, there’s a healthy dose of guilt that accompanies a sudden shift in your path. This indisputable feeling that if you were just a little smarter, better-informed, or more prepared, you could’ve avoid this “mess” to begin with.
You know what? We all do this at some point in our lives. Whether it’s something as simple as backing out on plans or something as major as completely switching careers, we tend to beat ourselves up over the fact that we’ve had a total change of heart. Because, if you really think about it, you put in time and effort only to decide to go in a different direction, and that can bring about an immense amount of self-loathing.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But, I want to challenge this idea. I want to challenge that chaining your mind, pivoting in a new direction, should be deemed some sort of mistake or sin. That it’s this distasteful behavior or characteristic that immediately makes you careless, unreliable, or a flake. I have a much different way of describing someone who has the guts to change course. Instead of those negative adjectives, I’d use words like brave, self-aware, and constantly evolving to become aligned to their truest self and their purest passions.
Be brutally honest with yourself. If you feel like trying something new, then try something new. Remember, it’s your life to live.
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The day has finally arrived! My first official podcast guest, Melissa Romero, sat down with me to discuss her journey with spirituality, as well as her experiences with plant medicine and living a life filled with gratitude.
Melissa Romero is an Evolutionary Speaker, Energy Healer, and Success Coach. Utilizing her Vlog, The Spiritual Misfit, and other offerings she seeks to inspire others through their personal evolution to discover and unlock their true potential. Her approach to healing and growth is raw, real, and yet nurturing. Melissa prides herself in teaching practical application of life principles, emphasizing self-love, forgiveness, and a holistic approach to spirituality and success.
IG: @The_Spiritual_Misfit
FB: Melissa Romero-The Spiritual Misfit
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Meditation is a journey from the outer world into the inner one. With each passing moment allow yourself to become closer and more intimate with your breath. You have the choice and ultimate authority to come back to your breath, especially when your mind starts to race towards the past or the future. Always remember that. Always remember that life is going to happen and your thoughts are going to want to do their own thing. It is up to you, the individual to take back these moments as your own and cherish them as if it was your last one. Be here now. It’s where your most authentic life is happening.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Why is that? Why is one too many and a thousand is never enough?
Coming from my own personal experience, the one is always the thing that sets it off. It’s the catalyst that sets in motion a course of events that you may not want to play out but will most likely happen inevitably. And then, the thousand is never enough just means that you keep trying to chase something that is most likely unattainable. In my opinion, the best way to combat this type of behavior is to create balance in all aspects of your life. To create this middle ground between that one and that thousand.
Now, I am not literally talking about 500, but this area where you can balance everything out. So many people, myself included, either live or used to live in this world of extremes. It’s either all or nothing. And if you’re living your life on the “nothing” side and you totally restrict yourself from doing certain things or eating certain things, then you’re setting yourself up to over-indulge, to binge. To do things in excess that are going to end up hurting you just because you were trying to restrict yourself. These same excessive behaviors occur when and if you are living your life in that “all” area where you go too hard at all time or you do things too much.
Both ends of the spectrum can be quite detrimental. So, incorporating this concept of balance into your life is extremely vital to your overall well-being. It’s important to understand what situations in your life can trigger you, what people in your life can trigger you, what emotional states can trigger you, or what mental states can trigger you and cause you to overindulge or live in excess; live on that “all” end of the spectrum. At the same time, you have to be true to yourself.
Constantly check your motives. You know yourself better than anyone else and you know when you are doing something that is beneficial and when you are doing something that is self-destructive. It truly is an inside job that cannot be addressed from anything on the outside, so try to be diligent and truthful with your motives.
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Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.
Personal boundaries define where you end and others begin and are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. Personal boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable.
Setting boundaries is essential if you want to be both physically and emotionally healthy.
Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self- esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships.
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Everyone seems to be more than ready to forget 2020, but you shouldn't be so quick to move on. Because, when we rush to move forward and forget about the past we skip a valuable step and deny ourselves the chance to grow.
We’ve been given the time to reflect. We’ve had opportunities to learn more about ourselves, the societies within which we operate, as well as the world as a whole. We’re still working towards seeing that light at the end of the tunnel. But when we get there, we must not forget the journey we had going through the tunnel, for that is how we truly grow as human beings.
Therefore, lets carry with us the lessons we have learned in 2020 and not leave them behind. For those of us, who in the struggle of life, could not contemplate and learn those lessons, maybe now is the time to look back, when things are a bit easier, to see if there are any more lessons to be picked up.
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This "New Year, New You" mentality can be framed in such a way that makes it seem motivating, uplifting and encouraging. There's nothing inherently bad about setting a New Year's resolution, but it depends on where it's coming from. You see, things can get problematic when you're doing it from a place of pressure or obligation. When you feel like you have to come up with New Year's resolutions to hop on the bandwagon like everyone else. The stress and disappointment we sometimes place ourselves can be counterproductive, creating unnecessary stress and possibly making things worse.
Instead, remember that you can start anytime you want. You don't need an obligatory day to tell you when you need to start your journey. And keep the focus on yourself. Nothing will be gained by comparing yourself to anyone else because they are not you and you are not them. If you choose to compare at all, compare yourself to yourself in a temporal fashion with no hard-set goals in mind. The journey towards an elusive goal is every bit as important as the destination. Therefore, don't allow yourself to be driven by achieving a certain goal, rather decide to be driven first and foremost by the kind of life you want to live: your lifestyle.
See if you can be a bit gentler with yourself or give yourself this same kind of grace that you might give to someone that you really love or care about who's in a similarly challenging situation. And, if you insist on resolving to do something, do this: go easy on yourself, be your own benchmark for success. And think about the kind of lifestyle you want to live. Happy New Year.
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We all lead busy lives and often use our limited time as an excuse to procrastinate and avoid making plans with others or getting things done in our own lives. But, when it really boils down to it, this is idea that you are "too busy" or "don't have time" is a lie. It's a lie we tell others, but sometimes more importantly, yourself. It helps you believe that you'll never be able to forge any new relationships, start a new project, or get anything done for that matter...and that is a problem, a big problem.
Therefore, instead of saying "I'm too busy" or "I don't have time", replace it by saying "it's not a priority," and really see how that feels. To be completely honest, it may not feel good at first because you are admitting to yourself and someone else, possibly, that whatever it is, isn't a priority to you. These changing mindset and attitude most likely won't sit well with you, and that's the point. Changing your language reminds you that time is a choice. If you don't like how you're spending an hour, you can choose differently.
It's truly a simple idea, and a great one at that! Our language is often used to be polite and respond with non-confrontational answers because the truth might be hard to hear. Sometimes you may even subject yourself to more polite language and end up in situations that you do NOT want to be in. You have to remember that how you use and spend your time is very important because time is a finite resource and shouldn't be wasted.
Don't risk putting it to poor use by not allowing yourself to be honest with yourself and others about your priorities in life. Alter your language and you may just discover what's most important.
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So many people think of the holidays as a time solely for getting presents. Stores advertise holiday times as being a time for shopping rather than the sacredness of family time at the holidays. This is tearing apart dinner tables and causing millions to spend this magical season worrying about getting gifts and making sure they don’t disappoint someone in their lives if they don’t get them something spectacular.
When you take away the interaction, the experiences, and the irreplaceable moments during the holidays and replace it with disposable items, ultimately it destroys the memories. So many conversations and memories are being abandoned because we are more focused on buying gifts, taking advantage of sales, and all other consumer-based mentalities.
Instead, we need to bring back the importance of being with family, friends, and loved ones and canceling out any distracting factors during the holidays that can be focused around buying gifts that it creates unnecessary added pressure. That’s not what this time of year is about. It’s about enjoying the moments, the unforgettable experiences that you can have with the people you care most about, however that may look.
This year pay attention to the things that are most important: the love, the gratitude, and that thankfulness.
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Society loves to put each and every one of us in a category. It’s easier for them to create infighting, divide us into groups, and keep us from mobilizing as one cohesive unit. And to be honest, they do a pretty good job of that at times, but now more than ever, it has to stop.
But, to carry out this critical endeavor, it’s going to take a concerted effort by all of us to understand that we are NOT monolithic beings, meaning we are NOT just one thing. We don’t have to have one opinion, one quality, or a single perspective and be defined by JUST that. For example, it’s okay to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal. It’s okay to be anti-racism and support the good cops who truly protect and serve with EVERYONES best interests at heart. And, it’s okay to celebrate accomplishments and success in your life and also hold space for all the tragedies, injustices, and inequalities facing our country right now.
We are all dynamic individuals with the capacity and intelligence to zoom out and see the bigger picture, but we can get caught up in the possible judgmental rhetoric of others. That mindset can no longer be your guiding force because it doesn’t serve the greater good of humanity. Coming to this realization is how, as a collective, we can create meaningful change and replace old, antiquated ideas with new, more progressive ones.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Remember, the powers that be want us to label everyone else based on one idea or construct, but we know deep down in our hearts, that this thought process isn’t how we move forward. We know that each one of us offers something unique, something special, something that can’t be put put into one category. The sooner we recognize this power within us, the sooner we can come together as one and change the world.
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Fun should be a top priority. It shouldn’t be relegated to the bottom drawer, the one you open only when all the real work is done. It’s not a distraction or a diversion. There are a million things that you can do that are harmless and fun.
But, having fun is up to you. It’s free and healthy and important. What are we all on this planet for if not to enjoy the ride?
Therefore, always remember to have fun. Be silly. Make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes, but continue to trust your heart, follow your passions, and commit to being you, no matter what. I strongly believe that everyone deserves to enjoy life, to be themselves, and to express this in a way that makes them happy.
Now go do something unproductive! All you have to remember? Enjoy every second of it.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to worry about an unpaid bill, an upcoming job interview, or a first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. You worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you can’t get anxious thoughts out of your head, and it interferes with your daily life.
The act of worrying and worrying and worrying ends up being a huge waste of energy.
If you think about it, it makes you suffer before you even know if there is any actual reason to suffer. It doubles the pain if something happens you don't like. And it may cause you to over prepare for bad outcomes when you don't really need to. To be honest, it just doesn't feel good.
Worry or anxiety are fancy words for fear that something you want won't work out. The negatives of worry far outweigh any positives. Even if something bad is likely to happen, there is NO POINT in suffering before it happens.
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Spiritual bypassing is a "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks".
While it can be a way to protect the self from harm or to promote harmony between people, it doesn't actually resolve the issue. Instead, it merely glosses over a problem, leaving it to fester without any true resolution.
You cannot pick and choose which emotions you experience. Life cannot be good thoughts, feelings, and emotions alone. In order to experience the highs, you must also endure the lows.
Don't be too hard on yourself for mistakes. Growth is a process and it's easy to fall into old habits, especially when you are trying to cope with something difficult. Spirituality can be a positive force in your life and many spiritual practices can be excellent stress management tools. By actively avoiding spiritual bypassing, you can make spirituality a practice that will help you live a more harmonious and fulfilling life.
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"We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” – Rick Warren
The past is a strange thing. Despite it literally being behind you, it can always seem to be present. Even when you work hard to focus on you future or whats ahead, it may seem like you have one eye turned forever toward the things that “were”. This over focus on the past will force you to miss out on the present.
Therefore, you have to learn to leg go of the past, which will enable you re-engage with the root of your authentic self. You will come to terms with the the depth of your needs and take steps to realize them. And, if you want to stop living in the past, you have to be proactive about taking action, and be very clear about what you want from your life. Then and only then can you free yourself from the past and become the person you were always meant to be.
Letting go of the past is never an easy process because nothing worth is ever a "walk in the park. But, it becomes that much easier when you take the time to educate yourself on things like trauma and how they impact your body for months and years to come. It's time to start prioritizing yourself and your right to a happy and peaceful future away from the shadows of your past. It’s time for you to free yourself and reconnect with your joy.
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Not making a decision or being indecisive is a decision in itself. In life, you find yourself both making and avoiding decisions on a daily basis. With every decision you make, you may worry about the results or may worry about what you've done wrong or how it could’ve unfolded better for you. Now, I understand that hindsight is 20/20 and there’s no going back in time, but you have to recognize that mistakes are acceptable casualties of life and play a part in how you see the bigger picture. Therefore, when you fail to make decisions you find yourself making a decision anyway, usually with the remnants of what may have been a superior opportunity. It’s better to decide, move forward, and realize that you were wrong, than it is to avoid making decision and stand still. By deciding, you’ve created the opportunity to test an idea, gain a new perspective on it, and possibly learn how to do it better next time. Ultimately, decisions are what shape you. Decisions are what help you build your knowledge and experience, while giving you the power and courage to confidently make them on your own. Regardless of the decision in front of you, make a choice and stick with it. It may be the wrong one, it may be the right one, but at the end of the day, you will learn from both about how to proceed the next time you're faced with a similar decision in your life. You have to remember the only way to ensure you won’t move forward is to not decide at all. So, the worst thing that you can do is be undecided.
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How can you feel pure happiness if you’re not being your unique self? You’re the only person who can give meaning and significance to your life, so live it without regrets. Take chances. Have fun. Be silly. Make mistakes. Learn from those mistakes, but continue to trust your heart, follow your passions, and commit to being you, no matter what.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I strongly believe that everyone deserves to enjoy life, to be themselves, and to express this in a way that makes them happy. Never ever be ashamed of who you are, especially if what you do, say, and believe isn’t hurting anybody. Instead, let your self-confidence and your zest for life to radiate. This is a non-negotiable when you want to live unapologetically.
Because, regardless of how you live your life, people will still find a way to point fingers, make judgments, and assume things about you. Don’t let that bother you. Why should anyone else’s opinions matter to you? They shouldn’t. Are you happy? Are you living your life to the fullest? If the answer is yes, then that’s what’s most important. All those other people’s judgments and opinions are a reflection of themselves. So, let them deal with that and keep doing you.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It may take some time to truly learn to be comfortable in your own skin, but to be unapologetically you is to own all of you. Accept your strengths and weaknesses, dreams and desires, fears, and everything else that makes you unique. Always stand firm in understanding that although you may be imperfect, you are a work in progress with infinite potential.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Have the courage to reveal who you are. Embrace it all. And you will allow yourself to be you, unapologetically.
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Being thankful transforms you.
Seeing the good in what you have right now can transform you. It can change your daily outlook and increase your happiness. You’ll find more feelings of satisfaction and likely see your relationships improve because you complain less and appreciate more. Many research has shown that gratitude can improve an individual’s well-being and happiness. A thankful person feels more contentment and joy and doesn’t dwell on negative things.
This is what seeing the good is all about; gratitude, thankfulness and appreciation. It is an attitude, a perspective and a way of life. Seeing the good is also a choice. Choose to see the good in your everyday life. Be thankful for all that you have.
But, at the same time, we all know that that isn’t always possible, especially when times get tough and there seems to be a never-ending bombardment of negativity coming your way. In my opinion, those are the times that you need to reach out and grab on to your gratitude and thankfulness even more. Using it as a motivating force to bring you back to what you have, instead of focusing on what you don’t have.
And one of the most important things to appreciate and give thanks for is the seemingly simple, yet extremely amazing, fact that you woke up today. That you’re alive. You see, every day is an opportunity to have a fresh start and not everybody is as fortunate as you or me to have even woken up today. So, make sure you breathe gratitude into your lungs, speak gratitude into your heart, manifest gratitude into your mind, and embody gratitude into your soul every chance you get.
And, when you wake up in the morning, say thank you. Allowing you to treat each moment since you opened up our eyes with such care and love that you won’t be able to waste that miracle, that huge miracle of waking up. In this life, experiencing it all, one day at a time.
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Everyone wants to achieve some type of success in their lives. Whether it's personal success, professional success, or relationship success, you should be continuously striving to become better.
Now this process can be done on your own, by yourself, without the help of others. But, this can also be a collaborative effort that incorporates other opinions, perspectives, and advice on a certain matter. So, why not choose that option? Well, in my opinion, many people are afraid that someone else is going to sabotage their success, try to duplicate it, or something else that may result in a negative outcome.
Why is that? Why do some people feel the need to tear someone down? It seems to me, that they are coming from a place of envy, jealous, anger, frustration, or pain. They may be experience these emotions, and because misery loves company, they will do whatever it take to try to tear you down and you bring down to their levels. They are living in a scarcity mentality, which is a zero-sum paradigm of life. People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit— even with those who help in the production. They also have a hard time being genuinely happy for the other people.
On the other hand, the Abundance Mentality flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth or security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in the sharing of prestige, recognition, profits and decision-making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.
To put it simply, someone else's success does not have to threaten yours. It takes only a moment to tear them down using your words, while it may take more time and effort to build someone up using your words.
Remember, there is enough room at the table for everyone to eat, to win, and to succeed. You can go at it alone and try to achieve success at the expense of friendships and relationships, but wouldn't it be much more enjoyable and fulfilling to do it as a collective unit. There is no "I" in team, so use that collaboration, use that teamwork to make the dreamwork!
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Even though it is temporarily easier to opt out of life so we don’t get hurt, in the long run it becomes much harder. Each easy individual decision to now show up adds up to a much harder life down the line. When you stop showing up for life because it has hit you upside the head (however understandable that is), eventually if you stop showing up for life it will stop showing up for you.
And as one of my favorite authors Alan Cohen once said, "Show up as your full self and the rest will take care of itself." What Alan means, is to show up in life as your authentic self, with your heart wide open.
You can start showing up again. Start small but start. It can start with changing the way we choose to think from ‘Things never work out to me” to ”Something good is just around the corner”, from “I can’t be bothered” to “I’m going to make the effort tonight and see what happens”. They don’t have to be big things but they are all deliberate steps to re-engage and show up for life.
Your responsibility is to learn to love yourself and appreciate yourself just as you are. How do you do that? How do you cultivate self-love and self-acceptance in a world that constantly compares you to others, tells you that you must do more and have more in order to feel worthy? You do this by taking a journey deep inside yourself. Everything that is essential is inside of you.
Accept yourself as you are, with all your imperfections in this moment, and have patience and understanding for your journey struggling to be a human being. We are all on the same journey -- the journey to self-acceptance. And when you take a leap and show up for what you want in your life then health, love, friendship, laughter, connection, and learning will start showing up for you in return quicker than you could ever imagine!
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Why does it bother you when you see someone belittling, yelling, or verbally abusing someone else, but at the same time, you allow yourself to speak to yourself in that same tone? That doesn't make sense, yet it happens on a daily basis to so many of us.
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Pushing, prodding, and criticizing ourselves is seems to be more of the rule than the exception these days.
Despite what we’ve come to believe, living with an inner drill-sergeant, whose sole mission is to make us better and whip us into shape, isn’t the most effective strategy for self-improvement or living a happy, healthy, fulfilled life. In this every changing world, the abundant habit of self-judgement, criticism, and harmful self-talk sadly has not. To be honest, being hard on ourselves and never feeling like we are enough, is a societal norm.
I find it hard to believe that we don't want to feel good about ourselves. We want to have a healthy self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love, but we often speak to ourselves in ways that not only keep us stuck in the stress response, but diminish our ability to feel good. You have to ask yourself if you want to be happier and more peaceful? If the answer is yes, then, be the radical for change and challenge your old beliefs. Because finding that inner peace and happiness is an inside job, no matter what anyone or society tells you.
Remember to err is human, to forgive divine. Recognizing we’re all human, and that we all make mistakes and stumble is very important. Learn to hold these mistakes, mishaps, and failings with a little less pressure and seriousness. Remember none of us are perfect and mistakes do happen. When we are kind and compassionate with ourselves, then we become more compassionate with others. And becoming compassionate with ourselves creates better conditions for us to grow and flourish.
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For quite some time, I needed help. I needed to change my life and the way I was living. I can remember to this day, so many people around me tried to show me the way, but I was never responsive to their help. One day, I finally made the decision to get some help, and these memories came flooding back of what these people said to me and what they did for me. I was too stubborn, arrogant, and proud to realize what they were trying to accomplish with me. They were trying to tell me I didn’t have to live like that anymore. They were carrying a message, a message that ultimately saved my life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Everybody has someone like this in their life that they wish would change for the better. Regardless if you disapprove of this person’s lifestyle, you have no actual control over them deciding to make those necessary changes. So, does that mean you give up and let this person continuously self-sabotage their own lives? The answer is no, but there is only so much that you can do as a person looking from the outside.
You should never stop trying to support people that so desperately need help and require a change in their lives. You just have to remind ourselves that you can’t physically make someone want to change. Instead, you can be a leader, you can be an example of how to live a better life, and you can constantly carry the message. This message, in whichever form it takes, can provide hope and a promise of freedom that can eventually lead to a better way of life full of happiness, joy, and peace.
Ultimately, this decision to change lies in the hands, the mind, and the heart of the person that needs to make a change. Once you truly recognize this, you can free ourselves of any false burdens you may place upon ourselves for not being able to make someone want to transform their lives. You always have to remember that you can’t force someone to change or get better.
You can only carry the message, you cannot carry the person.
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You are aware of your thoughts. So, in that respect, they may seem real to you. But, your thoughts do not exist outside of your awareness. There is nowhere else where the thought that is appearing to you at this moment is actually happening. Unlike the way we imagine it, our thoughts are not tangible, like the physical world outside of us. Maybe you can attest to this, but I’ve never seen a thought walk by me on the street. So, we should be able to wrap our heads around the notion that our thoughts are NOT real.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What makes a thought feel real is the attention you bring to it. You transform a thought into a physical manifestation by focusing on it and relating to it as if it is an event happening in the world somewhere. Usually within the world of the person or thing that we are thinking about. Does that make sense?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Well, think about it. This happens when you link the thought and the object that the thought is about when in actuality these two are not remotely connected. Your thought does NOT affect the object of that thought unless you believe that it really does. Once you come to this realization, it will allow you to free yourself from your thoughts. No longer will you be burdened by attending to a thought, answering it, changing it, identifying with it, and everything else that comes along with it because it will literally cease to exist. If you let a thought become nothing, then that’s what it ultimately will be…nothing.
So, next time a thought appears before you, within your awareness, remember that it’s not real in the sense that it has some physical form or exists somewhere outside of you. The contents of what you’re thinking about are in no way affected by the fact this thought is arising in you, nor is anyone aware that it’s happening in your internal world. The thought appears in front of and within only you, therefore without your undivided attention, it simply disappears into thin air.
Remember, thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts are not facts. Thoughts are not always meaningful. The important thing is not what thoughts you may have, it's what you do and how you react when you have these thoughts.
This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Society has developed into one of impulse, emotion, passion, and self-worship. This is especially prevalent in the younger generations, but many of us have been either raised or conditioned with this aversion to delayed gratification.
Patience is a dying virtue. No one likes to wait. We get aggravated when the food we ordered takes a little bit longer than expected to arrive, we get frustrated when our browser doesn’t load on our Smartphone instantaneously, and we get annoyed when a package from Amazon is delayed by one day. Basically, we’re a society that wants things yesterday and have a hard time taking a step back and letting life unfold on it’s own.
But, this is not a self-righteous lecture. I am definitely guilty of falling victim to instant gratification. It’s way to easy to do so, especially in a world of immediate goods, services, and convenience, our tolerance to delayed results has become one of our biggest vices. This intolerance has festered in every facet of our lives; creating a culture that seeks immediate satisfaction at the expense of not only our future but our character.
It all boils down to patience, or the lack thereof, that more and more people are dealing with these days. That’s because patience doesn’t come easy. Patience is an art and a practice. It’s a savoring of the moment so that the desired conditions, when they arrive, will be fully appreciated.
So, instead of worrying about when things will happen or complaining about your present circumstances, try to let go and let God. Try to listen to the messages. Try to see the signs. Try to recognize what your surroundings are telling you. Try to have faith that everything will eventually sort itself out. Try to embrace the fact that everything doesn’t happen according to your own personal timeline. Try to keep it in the moment. It takes patience to know that you are on the right path and while you’re not exactly where you want to be, it’s being able to recognize it’s only for now. This won’t be forever.
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When you have a gratitude mindset, you appreciate everything in life, whether that be your relationships, your health, your business, and your overall sense of well-being. By developing a gratitude mindset you can greatly improve your feelings of positivity and appreciation for everything you have in your life. Engaging in a regular gratitude practice can change your mindset, self-confidence and perspective for the better if you focus on being thankful and thinking positively.
It’s actually easier than you may think to develop a gratitude mindset and build daily habits that support a gratitude practice of being grateful and appreciative for what you have. When you feel grateful and appreciate the things you have, the things that you appreciate grow. Developing a gratitude mindset can change your perspective on where you are right now, and where you’re going in the future for the better.
Gratitude is linked to experiencing greater levels of happiness. Expressing gratitude can help you feel better and more self-confident because your mindset is focused on appreciation and being thankful. Being grateful every day can change your life because your first thought is one of gratitude rather than negativity.
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You meet so many people throughout you life and some of them stick around, while others don’t. It can be hard to know exactly who belongs in your life. This doesn't mean that you aren’t connected with the people in your life (friends, colleagues, partners, & even family members,), but as you grow old, sometimes you grow apart.
The people you meet and relationships you form are all meant to help you learn and grow, no matter how they turn out. When times get tough and you hit a rough patch, it’s very easy to see who is by your side and who is no where to be found. It’s not that you are not as good of friends with someone, but you often grow differently and at different paces, and eventually growing without one another.
Of course, it isn’t pleasant losing a certain relationship in your life, but it happens. There should be no hard feelings during this process; it is truly just a part of growing and maturing. You have to realize what you need to grow, and sometimes the relationships you are in can hold you back.
The universe works in mysterious ways and puts you through so much to learn on a daily basis. Sometimes it is unpredictable, but in the end, everything is happening for a reason, and you are always exactly where you're supposed to be.
Remember that.
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Salvador Dali said, “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.”
Yet, many people are paralyzed by perfection. After all, perfectionism sounds great: who doesn’t want to be perfect? However, aiming for perfection is a great way to become and unsatisfied and disappointed. Why? Simply because, as Salvador Dali references, perfection isn’t attainable. Aiming for perfection causes many people to quit when they could have made incremental progress toward a goal.
If you frame your goals in terms of perfection, you are likely to experience feelings of failure frequently. Your failures are brilliant opportunities to learn. The issue comes when you have a toxic relationship with failure. Telling yourself “I’m going to fail at this,” or “this cannot possibly work” are ways to make sure that you do indeed quit or that you definitely don’t succeed.
By choosing a goal for yourself that is a step past where you are now, you can find yourself far more satisfied, and more importantly, actually making progress toward the goal.
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We all have feelings. We all experience feelings. We all go through feelings. We all feel things.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Within the course of our daily lives, situations arise that bring about certain types of feelings. We feel something that is a direct reaction to an emotion that surfaced as a response to an external stimuli. To us, the individual, those feelings are real. If another person tells you that you shouldn’t feel this way, that you shouldn’t be feeling your own feelings, then what is that really saying about you? In my opinion, it’s telling you that the feelings that you’re experiencing, the feelings that you are feeling, are not valid. These feelings are not real.
How can somebody else tell you how to feel? Well, the short and simple answer to that question is: They can’t. Feelings are very personal and very unique to the individual, so no one can tell you how to feel or that how you are feeling is right or wrong.
You see, that decision, that realization, is solely on the individual feeling those feelings. It’s a very personal experience, which makes this journey of self-discovery a very intimate process. It’s really about being consciously aware and mindful, not just of your own person journey of your feelings, but if you’re with someone else, their personal journey through their feelings. When it’s you feeling these feelings, try to really turn inward and see all the feelings that you’re having that are connected to the situation or event that just happened. Really try to understand if certain feelings are warranted or not.
Identify each feeling and try to comprehend if there’s an acceptable relationship with the situation, event, or person that was the main catalyst. Regardless of how many feelings you think you’re feeling, you’re allowed to feel all the feelings; you always have the right to do so. However, it is up to you, and only you, to figure out which feelings are warranted and the ones that do not serve you. The more you engage in this type of self-reflection, the easier it will be to recognize how you truly feel. You will be able to trust your feelings, no matter what anyone else tries to tell you.
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Obstacles are a part of life. Some of them are much bigger than others. But, they are all obstacles nonetheless. The truth is that you can overcome any obstacle in your life. You just need to know how.
No matter what your obstacles are, you eventually have to do something about it. It’s not going away on its own. You can’t avoid it forever. You can’t run from it. You need a plan to overcome and go through it.
You will overcome some obstacles quickly Others will take longer. But, if you stay committed to moving forward, you will be able to conquer any obstacle in your path. No matter the size.
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It’s a real simple question, yet as human beings, we like to complicate things. No one but yourself knows what will make you happy, so that’s something you have to ask yourself. And your mind will try to give you answers rooted in fear, anxiety, jealous or maybe lust. While your heart’s voice will come from a place of caring, happiness, and love. Understand that sometimes those voices from your mind may be the loudest, but the ones coming from your heart will be the clearest and most beneficial to you and your overall happiness. It’s up to you decided which voices you are going to listen to and ultimately follow.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If you choose to listen to everything your mind tells you, then you will be afraid to take any risks. If you constantly worry about what others might say about how you live your life, then you will keep yourself confined within parameters set up by everyone else. As a result, you will live a life stuck in a redundant cycle that is filled with complacent apathy and unhappiness. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, you know that is not a life you or anyone would want to live. So, why allow others, why allow your own thoughts and opinions to sabotage your existence on Earth?⠀⠀⠀⠀
It doesn’t have to anymore. This is the moment when you tell yourself that you will no longer allow outside pressures, societal influences, family conditioning, and your own backwards thinking to dictate how you go through life. Because life is not about pleasing everyone else, it is about being happy. It’s time to truly listen to your heart. Shedding old habits, behaviors, and trains of thought and replacing them with a presence of consistent positive thoughts and beliefs in your mind and trusting your heart.
That’s what will make you happy and joyous. Therefore, figure out what makes you happy, and do more of it. At the same time, figure out what makes you unhappy, and do less of it. It’s just that simple.
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The science of happiness has shown us that experiences elicit more happiness than buying material things.
Our experiences are a bigger part of ourselves than the material goods we choose to surround ourselves with. It's true, you can really admire your material stuff. You can even convince yourself to think that part of your identity is connected to those things, but nonetheless, they remain separate from you. In contrast, your experiences really are part of you. We are the sum total of our experiences.
I mean, it makes sense, right? But, much of the "American Dream" is built upon principles of buying material goods. Well, that mindset and perspective has shifted more recently and many people have realized that the American Dream isn't all it's cracked up to be.
After all, would people rather hear about your watch, your new pair of shoes, or your new car or the time you took a trip to Costa Rica and basically slid down a dormant volcano after being caught in a torrential downpour (that really happened to me)?
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Fall, or Autumn, is in full swing and just like your wardrobe changes with the changing seasons, so should your diet! Why? Because your bodies also change throughout the seasons, so, eating cold foods or foods that are considered "yin" would be somewhat similar to wearing a bathing suit when the temperature is cold.
So what should one be eating at this time of year? As it starts to get colder, you need to nourish and warm the body from the inside, to balance the yin and the yang. If you're eating ‘cold’ foods, also known as yin foods, such as fruits, raw vegetables, salads and cold drinks, you're overpowering the yin, leaving yourself feeling cold from the inside out and more prone to getting sick. Therefore, the colder months are all about eating the grounding and nourishing yang foods that are going to balance our hormones, strengthen our immune system, boost our energy and feel well all rounded.
Adapting your diet to the seasons is crucial for your health and wellbeing, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This will allow you to feel energized throughout the day and avoid getting sick this winter!
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A non-negotiable is exactly what you think it means; something that you will not negotiate or compromise with, no matter what. If you've never created a list of your non-negotiables, then the time do it that is RIGHT NOW.
The reason why it's extremely important to do so, is that without this list, without a framework of what your standards are, then you are liable to compromise or settle. And when you settle, which is a clear indication that you are lowering your standards, you're basically setting yourself up to be become bitter, frustrated, angry, and most of all resentful of the other person and yourself.
So, make this list and make it now. By figuring out what goes on this list, which should be a compilation of values, morals, and qualities that are important to you, you're establishing a sturdy foundation that can built upon. You're radiating out into the Universe exactly what you desire for yourself, as well as the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
That may not happen today, tomorrow, or for a year, but when it does, you will be inviting someone into your space that is on the same level as you. You'll be welcoming someone into your life with the same mindset as you. And that will set you up for a relationship that can grow, thrive, and become something that is nothing short of magical.
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Every time you take the time to direct your energy inwards and make an honest assessment of exactly where you are, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, you give yourself a gift and an opportunity. The gift is that you show up in the present moment in full authenticity, without imagining what ifs or contorting yourself into spaces you aren’t yet suited for. The opportunity is that you have the chance to grow freely and naturally from there, if you choose.
In any given moment, you get to choose whether you want to stay within the bounds of your comfort zone or to reach a bit further into new territory. Both options have their merits; neither is right or wrong. Knowing when it’s time to vibe within your comfort zone or to expand beyond your current boundaries is a very personal practice. And it’s a practice you can only approach with confidence when you have cultivated a very open and honest relationship with yourself.
So how do you cultivate such a deeply honest relationship with Self and with your body? Practice.
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What is self-care, and why is it so important? Self-care is a fairly broad term that encompasses just about anything you do to be good to yourself. In a nutshell, it’s about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s partly about knowing when your resources are running low, and stepping back to replenish them rather than letting them all drain away.
It also involves integrating self-compassion into your life in a way that helps to prevent even the possibility of a burnout. Practicing self-care means working to eliminate as many triggers of stress as possible. This does not mean that you are prioritizing yourself over anything or anyone else, it simply means you are relaxing and recovering in order to perform at the best of your ability when needed. It is very self-defeating, if not impossible, to try to care only for others at the expense of yourself. Self-care comes in many different forms, from taking a small stretch break at work to practicing guided meditation at home.
Practicing self-care promotes a healthy relationship with yourself to the benefit of your physical, mental, and emotional health. When you are unable to care for yourself, it is nearly impossible to care for others. Therefore, self-care allows you to establish a positive mindset that will translate to good feelings and emotions for others around you. By making the time to let yourself recharge, you will improve the outlook of yourself and others as well as develop significantly lower unhealthy amounts of stress.
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Being vulnerable is not for the faint of heart. But you’re not alone: many people struggle with vulnerability. It requires a tremendous amount of courage to share personal things about yourself, allow yourself to be fully seen, and truly put yourself out there.
Don’t shy away from putting in the work and overcoming any fears, doubts, or hesitations you may possess from past experiences. Opening up, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and exposed can be frightening. But, the benefits, however, are well worth the risk, which is why you should be ready and willing to learn more about how you can learn to become more vulnerable in your life and the actual steps necessary to do so.
Because when you’re no longer afraid of embracing who you are and whole-heartedly stepping into your truth, you will be determined to put yourself out there in all aspects of life.
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Fear arises when you’re at your most vulnerable. It roots itself deep within you, telling stories that seem so real that your body responds as if it is true. It can be such a visceral feeling that at times you’d rather just accept it than actually challenge its presence. It’s a given that fear is part of the human experience. It’s a primal instinct that served us as cave dwellers and still serves us today. But, maybe it’s not fear itself that you should be afraid of, but how you carry this fear. Because fear will always be a part of your life, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it become a debilitating and paralyzing force.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So, what if you change your whole perspective surrounding fear? What if you turn fear into a motivator? Understand that not all fear is bad. Understand that your fears are real to you. Your body is alerting you to something that is wrong and this shouldn’t be ignored. The challenge becomes learning how to identify the type of fear you experience. Identifying means you must face the fear and get to know it.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Remember that you deserve to live a life that his happy, joyous, and free. Sometimes that means making choices and decisions that you fear the most, knowing that deep down in your heart and soul that it’s what you need to do. There is no avoiding fears in your life, but using it as a source of motivation instead of treating it as your enemy will shift how you approach life’s challenge. In the words of Albert Einstein, “You cannot solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” This means you can’t conquer fear form a place of fear. You have to get to know it, appreciate it for what it is and does for you, then take the necessary steps that lead in the direction of love and fulfillment.
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To be honest, when I saw that word “God” in the 3rd step of my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting, I instantly thought about this religious figure. This almighty person that was perched in the sky, looking over all of us, watching every single thing we did. You have every right to view God in this fashion, it’s your right to do so. That just didn’t really work for me.
I was so focused on that word, and all the preconceived notions surrounding it due to tons of conditioning, that I never truly read the whole sentence. If I did, I would have noticed that right after the word God is “as we understood Him”. This means, we have the right to view God, interpret God, and pray to the God, of our own understanding. This changed my life, because up until that point, I had no relationship with the God I had been told about for so many years.
Then, when I looked at the 2nd step and really internalized that a “Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”, that’s when it all made sense. My God didn’t have to be called God, I just had to believe in something greater than myself, a power greater than myself. And looking back on that moment when I decided I couldn’t live the way I was living anymore, when I decided to surrender, I realized what happened. That was the moment when I decided to listen to the Power that was greater than myself and get help. The Power that showed up that day, was always there, but I chose not to listen for so long. I finally decided to listen to that voice. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him; who I chose to call God and my Higher Power.
I thank my Higher Power every morning and night for another day on this earth. I truly believe with all of my heart, if I didn’t listen to it then, I wouldn’t be here today.
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Everybody has something to offer. We may not realize or be fully aware of this concept, but it’s 100% true. These offerings can come in the form of someone’s presence, advice or words, or the actions that someone carries out. But we need to be careful because they can be both positive or negative and it is up to us, the individual, to decipher when an offering (what someone may offer us) is beneficial or potentially harmful.
I would hope that people don’t feel the need to offer anything that can be viewed as negative. Having said that, I know that I can only control what and how I present offerings to others. I strive to always offer positive vibrations, words, and actions on a daily basis. My delivery might not always be perfect, but I know I dedicate my efforts to consciously be better than I was the day, hour, or minute before.
Being able to offer my services to others, whether it’s my presence, words, or actions, is something that is extremely important to me. I know that I can’t keep it, unless I give it away. Which means that I can’t keep the happiness, the joy, the freedom, the inner peace that I’ve accumulated over time unless I share it, or give it away to others. It would be quite selfish of me to hold on to these gifts and not allow anyone else to benefit from them. So, if you have something to offer or share, then offer it. Share it. You never know how your presence may affect someone, how your words might make them smile, or how your actions could restore their faith in humanity.
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We are all on our own paths. We make choices. We change our minds. We are ever-transforming on a daily basis and that is the beauty of life. One day about 12 or so years ago, I decided to stop eating red meat. Then over time, I started to cut out chicken and fish, then dairy, and the final straw was eggs. Once I removed all the animal-based products in my diet, I was now considered a Vegan, woohoo (sarcastically said). I used to wear this as a badge of honor at first because I was really proud of my transformation and my ability to totally change my dietary lifestyle. That mindset hasn't so much changed today, but rather I choose to approach it in a different manner. I do still consider myself Vegan or Plant-based, but at the same time there are other motivations involved besides just my health. I take into account the damaging effects that the meat and dairy industry has on the lives of so many animals, as well as on the environment. That's my own personal journey to Veganism, which has been shaped by how I started to feel physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually when consuming animal-based products. But, that's my story, no one else's.
So, I want people to remember that my path is not their path. All I can do is speak my truth and what I've experienced in my life thus far and impart the wisdom that I've learned along the way. What I would want besides anything else is that you choose to be more mindful about your eating habits. Try to become more aware and involved with the foods you are putting into your body because you only get one. Once you start to build this deeper, more intimate relationship with your food, the connection will strengthen and you will automatically start to change your mindset about food. That is always going to be unique to you and no one else.
This is just my experience. Enjoy.
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Meditation is a journey from the outer world into the inner one. With each passing moment allow yourself to become closer and more intimate with your breath. You have the choice and ultimate authority to come back to your breath, especially when your mind starts to race towards the past or the future. Always remember that. Always remember that life is going to happen and your thoughts are going to want to do their own thing. It is up to you, the individual to take back these moments as your own and cherish them as if it was your last one. Be here now. It’s where your most authentic life is happening.
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I'm often asked "How I got into Yoga?" or "Why did I start doing Yoga?". There isn't really a short answer to either of these questions, believe me, I've tried. What I did learn after plenty of time reflecting was that my introduction into Yoga and subsequent journey with Yoga manifested itself through a complex series of events and circumstances. Each one played its own special part in guiding me on my path that ultimately led me to Yoga and kept me coming back for more, and more, and eventually catapulting me to Mysore, India to pursue my 200 hour YTT certification in Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga. And most recently opening up my own Yoga Studio, A New Breath in Liberty, NY. Looking back now, I'm still in complete awe about how everything lined up the way it did. It all happened the way it was supposed to in order to bring me to where I am today. I don't know how to really define it. Magic? Divine timing? Maybe it's both and maybe it's also this beautiful thing we call life.
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Salads don't have to be boring.
Think of a salad as a blank canvas that you can paint with the most extravagant colors and textures, creating a masterpiece that not only looks visually appealing, but tastes great too!
There are so many options and variations that can go into a salad depending on your likes, dislikes, preferences, or what you're trying to achieve currently in your life. A salad provides you a perfect opportunity to get creative and design something that is unique and personal to you. So have fun with it and enjoy the process of choosing the ingredients, putting them into the salad, and then enjoying it all to the fullest.
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As a nation, we keeping finding ourselves in the same predicament over and over again. If it keeps happening and nothing is really changing, then were these effective measures taken to resolve the past transgressions? Absolutely not.
This means we have reached an important crossroads for this country. You can call it a boiling point, a tipping point, or a pivotal moment in time. Regardless of the label you give it, things need to change. Because if things fail to get better and we don't whole-heartedly come together to create a place that offers true equality for all, then more injustices will occur leading to more violence in response.
I am not a Black person or a person of color for that matter, therefore, I can't comment on how they should react after repeatedly being subjected to racism, prejudice, and dehumanization tactics on a daily basis.
I can't tell them how they should be feeling.
I can' tell them how they should protest.
All I know, is that they've had enough for far too long. And enough is enough isn't cutting it anymore.
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I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, life is going to happen. Things are going to occur. Situations are going to arise that are entirely out of our control. Now, these situations can be considered good, bad, positive, or negative. But for the most part, and I'm coming from personal experience, there is no benefit in avoiding those negative or bad situations. Because they are going to occur, they are going to arise in our lives, no matter what. So, when life shows up, you, me, all of us, have to show up for life.
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I think it’s fairly safe to say that each and every one of us have been wronged by someone during the course of our lives. This person may have said something or done something that genuinely hurt your feelings. As a result, you started to harbor feelings of anger, frustration, or aggravation towards this particular person. These feelings, if left unattended, can produce deep-seated resentments, which usually transform into this act of holding a grudge.
Now I am not saying it’s unacceptable to have these feelings of anger or frustration or to feel sad and upset. In that moment, they shouldn’t be considered unjust or unwarranted because you’re entitled to feel your feelings. This issue is how you deal with those feelings moving forward. As time passes, did you let go of those feelings or did you allow them to develop into these resentments and grudges?
If your actions normally gravitate towards the latter, then the only person that you’re hurting is yourself. You see, there’s this saying, “Holding on to this anger, holding on to these grudges is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die”. If you perceive these feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment as poison, then why would you want to hold on to them? Why would you want to harbor them? Why would you willingly want to poison yourself?
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Situations will arise during your life that will make it tough not to depend on someone else and there is nothing wrong with that. This dependency on others can become harmful to yourself and your self-growth when you depend on somebody so much that you lose your identity in the process. Or if you depend on somebody so much that they make you feel whole, they make you feel complete.
You shouldn’t rely upon, you shouldn’t depend on somebody else to make yourself feel whole, to make yourself feel complete. Those feelings of completeness and wholeness must originate within yourself, not anyone else in your life. Because, what if one day this person decides to leave the relationship or you decide it’s no longer working? You two break up. Then what? Then what happens?
So how do you prevent this from happening again or from ever happening in the first place? The answer is quite simple, but getting there is not. You have to put in the work, but actually committing to this work is not always easy. You may avoid looking inward. You may avoid engaging in self-reflection. But, that’s what it takes. It requires you to put in the time, the effort, the work, the energy, and the dedication to want to change and grow. You have to constantly, on a daily basis, reflect on your life and be honest with yourself about your motives.
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Why do we take the present moment and shift our energy, shift our focus, shift our mind from the present to the past? To what has already happened, to what is already done, to something that we cannot bring back to this present moment and change. Why? Why do we allow ourselves, why do we allow our minds to go from here and now in this moment to there, the past, which is over and done with.
In my opinion, there are two paths. There are two directions that you can take when we shift our mental focus, our mental energy from the present moment to the past. That first path is rumination, which is pretty much considered wasted time. What is wasted time? Well, if you think about it, rumination just means that you are looking at the past in the form of regrets.
The second path is the path of introspection. Introspection is when you look at your past, when you reflect on your past with a level of curiosity, with a level of wonderment. You dissect what has happened in your past almost from the perspective of someone on the sidelines watching who has no opinion on what is happening and what has already transpired. Therefore, you don’t try to label events from your past as negative or positive, but just as something that happened. That’s it. From there, you try to become a better person because you are actively trying to learn from your past. This affords you the opportunity to grow and become a better version of yourself.
But, it’s up to you, the individual to be responsible for your own growth. To really be honest and true to yourself in those moments. To really recognize which path you are going down, whether it’s rumination or introspection. There is never a time, there is never an instance, where you should go down the path of rumination, where you should focus and dwell and spend all of this time and mental energy on regrets. Because regrets do nothing for you. Ruminating does nothing for you, it does not serve you. But, being introspective does. Take the time to analyze and dissect your past in a nonjudgmental fashion. In a way that gives you the chance to gain a better understanding of the person you want to be and how you want to carry yourself moving forward.
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Why is that? Why is one too many and a thousand is never enough? Coming from my own personal experience, the one is always the thing that sets it off. It’s the catalyst that sets in motion a course of events that you may not want to play out but will most likely happen inevitably. And then, the thousand is never enough just means that you keep trying to chase something that is most likely unattainable.
In my opinion, the best way to combat this type of behavior is to create balance in all aspects of your life. To create this middle ground between that one and that thousand. Now, I am not literally talking about 500, but this area where you can balance everything out. So many people, myself included, either live or used to live in this world of extremes. It’s either all or nothing. And if you’re living your life on the “nothing” side and you totally restrict yourself from doing certain things or eating certain things, then you’re setting yourself up to over-indulge, to binge. To do things in excess that are going to end up hurting you just because you were trying to restrict yourself. These same excessive behaviors occur when and if you are living your life in that “all” area where you go too hard at all time or you do things too much. Both ends of the spectrum can be quite detrimental.
So, incorporating this concept of balance into your life is extremely vital to your overall well-being. It’s important to understand what situations in your life can trigger you, what people in your life can trigger you, what emotional states can trigger you, or what mental states can trigger you and cause you to overindulge or live in excess; live on that “all” end of the spectrum. At the same time, you have to be true to yourself.
Constantly check your motives. You know yourself better than anyone else and you know when you are doing something that is beneficial and when you are doing something that is self-destructive. It truly is an inside job that cannot be addressed from anything on the outside, so try to be diligent and truthful with your motives.
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The phrase know your worth sounds simple. Know your worth. And when you look at it, it seems easy to understand. I don't doubt that people know what It means. But, there is a difference, there's a big difference between understanding what it means and actually incorporating it into your life.
As human beings, we tend to complicate things in life, but to know your worth is essentially a simple concept. The hard part is incorporating it, believing it, and actually embodying it whole-heartedly in your life. That's where you might want to resist or push back because within the process of growth is the pain, struggle, and intense emotional releases. But, similar to many things in life, facing that pain, working through that struggle, and embracing those intense emotional release are where you figure out who you are. When you realize your strength, when you discover faith in something greater than yourself, when you find your self-confidence and self-esteem, then no one, not one person, can make you feel like you are worthless. No one can ever make you feel like you aren't deserving of anything and everything in life that you desire or want to achieve.
You will no longer allow or give permission to that outside nonsense to penetrate you and the person that you've become. A strong, independent, self-confident person who knows their worth. And who knows what they deserve in this life.
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The external, as well as the internal are forever changing, no matter what we do, say, or try to actively control on a daily basis. Nothing is static, everything is in constant motion, fluctuating, growing, evolving, dying; turning into something that it was not just months, weeks, days, seconds, or even moments before. This constant change, that nothing lasts forever, is the law of impermanence, which is defined as the state or fact of lasting for only a limited period of time.
Even if you’ve never heard of this concept, I’m sure the word “impermanence” seems somewhat familiar. If you take a closer look at it, you should see the root word permanent, which comes from the Latin permanere, "endure, continue, or stay to the end." This means that nothing every changes, it always stays the same, no matter what. Think of a permanent marker. If you write on a wall or someone’s clothing, there’s no way of washing it off; it’s there forever, you can’t change it or erase it. On the other hand, you have impermanence, which is the exact opposite of permanent. It means nothing lasts forever, nothing stays exactly the same, and to understand the impermanent nature of everything in life is to understand the inevitability of change.
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We’ve all heard that expression, “dress to impress”.
To be honest, I have no problems with that phrase whatsoever. I feel like we should all be able to dress in a way that highlights our uniqueness. That can serve as a confidence boost, especially if we are going on a job interview, a first date, or to a certain social gathering. The way we dress, the way we present ourselves, is very important. We want to show ourselves off in a positive light. We want to let people know that we take care of ourselves and that we take pride in how we present ourselves to the world. So, in that respect, there is nothing wrong with dressing to impress.
Some of this motivation is attributed to you and how it makes you feel inside and the byproduct of that could be impressing others around you. My concern is when we focus so much of our time and energy on worrying about how we dress, how we look, what we are going to wear, or how people might perceive us depending on what’s on the outside. When this happens, we end up devoting so much of our attention to all of these material things. Our lives become so fixated on how we look, so consumed with dressing up the outside, that we forget to address the inside.
From my own personal experience, I remember always wanting a new pair of sneakers or jeans, a piece of jewelry, or some type of electronic device. I was hyper-focused on getting these materialistic things to make myself feel good. And that’s the problem: I was using things to make me feel good. I was acquiring inanimate objects to make me feel good, to make me feel “whole”. But was I really addressing the issue at hand? The answer is, no, I wasn’t.
For a certain period of time, I was too young to understand the concept of dressing the outside at the expense of taking care of the inside. Then, when I added drugs and alcohol into the mix, I became even more detached and more disconnected from myself. All I ever wanted to do was escape. I wanted to escape reality and escape any feelings or emotions that I didn’t want to deal with, which meant I didn’t allow myself or even give myself a chance to reflect on what was happening on the inside.
At this point, it didn’t really matter what I was doing, all I cared about was filling that void. I would use anything and everything, including people, on the outside to try to fix a problem that needed to be worked on from the inside. But, that takes work. To be honest, it was so much easier then and probably is now, to distract myself with external things instead of actually doing any real work on myself. I chose to take the easy way out. I chose to take the shortcut, which at the end of the day, never truly tackles the real issue.
This doesn’t mean we can’t treat ourselves by purchasing something that we really want. There’s nothing wrong with doing a little retail therapy, enjoying some of life’s pleasures, or overindulging to a certain degree. What we need to be aware of are the underlying motivations that drive us during these situations. On one hand, if they’re coming from a place of purity with good intentions, then we have nothing to worry about. But, on the other hand, if the sole reason is to fill a void, that’s the critical time when we have to recognize the destructive implications of our actions. We have to be brutally honest with ourselves and tell on ourselves to ourselves. If we don’t, we will create more and more internal dissonance, which will keep distancing ourselves from allowing ourselves to get to know our true selves.
We should all strive to put in the work to understand what makes us unique, what makes us happy, and what makes us able to experience genuine freedom. This will afford all of us the opportunity to live life as the person we always wanted to be, because deep down inside, we always knew this is the person we could be.
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We all have feelings. We all experience feelings. We all go through feelings. We all feel things.
This is not a new concept or groundbreaking discovery by any means. Within the course of our daily lives, situations arise that bring about certain types of feelings. We feel something that is a direct reaction to an emotion that surfaced as a response to an external stimuli. To us, the individual, those feelings are real. If another person tells you that you shouldn’t feel this way, that you shouldn’t be feeling your own feelings, then what is that really saying about you? In my opinion, it’s telling you that the feelings that you’re experiencing, the feelings that you are feeling, are not valid. These feelings are not real.
How can somebody else tell you how to feel? Well, the short and simple answer to that question is: They can’t. Feelings are very personal and very unique to the individual, so no one can tell you how to feel or that how you are feeling is right or wrong. I’m not saying that someone else, a person on the outside, can’t offer their opinion or advice on how you’re feeling towards a certain situation. They have the right to do so, especially if they are a close friend, a spouse, a sibling, or any other close family member. But, they don’t have the right to tell you how to feel. They don’t have the right to tell you that the way you’re feeling isn’t the way you should be feeling about something that has happened in your life.
You see, that decision, that realization, is solely on the individual feeling those feelings. It’s a very personal experience, which makes this journey of self-discovery a very intimate process. It’s really about being consciously aware and mindful, not just of your own person journey of your feelings, but if you’re with someone else, their personal journey through their feelings. When it’s you feeling these feelings, try to really turn inward and see all the feelings that you’re having that are connected to the situation or event that just happened. Really try to understand if certain feelings are warranted or not.
Why were you frustrated? Did that situation warrant you to be frustrated or maybe more confused, shocked or in disbelief? Getting to the root of these issues is extremely important, which will result in us having the ability to recognize if what we are feeling is justified or not. We’ve been so conditioned to immediately associate a certain feeling as a response to a specific situation or type of incident. This doesn’t mean we are not allowed to feel those feelings, but rather, we are starting to rewire our brains so that we can correctly identify our feelings and make an informed decision as to whether they are reasonable or not. Eventually, new habits can be formed that will allow us to be so much more present and so much more in tune with our feelings.
Regardless of how many feelings you think you’re feeling, you’re allowed to feel all the feelings; you always have the right to do so. However, it is up to you, and only you, to figure out which feelings are warranted and the ones that do not serve you. The more you engage in this type of self-reflection, the easier it will be to recognize how you truly feel. You will be able to trust your feelings, no matter what anyone else tries to tell you.
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Have you ever heard the expression, “you are your own worst enemy”? How many times have we acted in opposition to our self-interest, then asked ourselves why did we self-destruct? Why did we procrastinate on that work project or that school assignment? Why did we say that to a loved one? Why have we stopped doing that one thing that makes us feel great? Self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors are perpetuated by an inner critic we all possess, a voice inside our head that can be seen as a critical inner voice. This critical inner voice isn’t uplifting. It doesn’t try to build us up and make us feel proud of ourselves. It doesn’t represent a positive sense of self, so it should NOT be trusted.
For so long, I listened to my own critical inner voice that made me doubt myself, doubt my abilities, undermine my possible successes, which convinced me that I was worthless. It convinced me that I didn’t deserve to be happy, joyous, and free. I didn’t deserve to achieve that personal success, no matter how big or small. I didn’t deserve to find someone that would love me no matter what; because, to be honest, I didn’t even love myself. And that’s what it comes down to: self-love.
I realized that, in order to combat this critical inner voice, I needed to truly believe that I was worth it. I deserved to be happy. I deserved to enjoy life. It was necessary for me to understand that I was not put on this earth to be miserable, no one is. So, we can’t let this critical inner voice run our lives. We can’t let it make us afraid and fearful of putting ourselves out there because of possible failure. We have to embrace that possibility of failure, just like we embrace the possibility of success. Don’t let you become your own worst enemy. Instead become your number one supporter, because you love yourself and know that you deserve to be happy.
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We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. To be honest, when I saw that word “God” in the 3rd step of my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting, I instantly thought about this religious figure. This almighty person that was perched in the sky, looking over all of us, watching every single thing we did. You have every right to view God in this fashion, it’s your right to do so. That just didn’t really work for me.
I was so focused on that word, and all the preconceived notions surrounding it due to tons of conditioning, that I never truly read the whole sentence. If I did, I would have noticed that right after the word God is “as we understood Him”. This means, we have the right to view God, interpret God, and pray to the God, of our own understanding. This changed my life, because up until that point, I had no relationship with the God I had been told about for so many years.
Then, when I looked at the 2nd step and really internalized that a “Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”, that’s when it all made sense. My God didn’t have to be called God, I just had to believe in something greater than myself, a power greater than myself. And looking back on that moment when I decided I couldn’t live the way I was living anymore, when I decided to surrender, I realized what happened. That was the moment when I decided to listen to the Power that was greater than myself and get help. The Power that showed up that day, was always there, but I chose not to listen for so long. I finally decided to listen to that voice. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood him; who I chose to call my Higher Power.
I thank my Higher Power every morning and night for another day on this earth. I truly believe with all of my heart, if I didn’t listen to it then, I wouldn’t be here today.
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Today, it seems like everyone is living a much more hectic, busier, and distraction filled life than ever before. We’re always doing something, no matter where we are or who we are with, including when we are alone. These constant distractions lead us to become hyper focused on the external, extremely focused on everything around us, that a lot of times we fail to listen to what’s happening on the inside. We fail to listen to our body.
I have fallen victim to this many times in my life, including in the not so distant past. I would constantly be on the go and consistently find myself preoccupied with doing something. I would regularly allow my mind to wonder and getting caught up in past situations or lost in thought of future endeavors. At the end of the day, I was just filling my every moment with an external diversion, which was taking me out of the present and not giving myself the chance to really understand what my body was telling me.
We have to make a conscious effort to move away from giving our energy to the external. The more we engage in this productive behavior, the more we can start to turn our attention inward and truly connect to our body. Then, and only then, can we be present enough to understand when we are feeling off and address it. In doing so, we can start the process of healing our body one day at a time, resulting in positive effects for our mind, our soul, and our self-growth and evolution.
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A lot can happen in a year.
If you think about it, the 365 (or 366) days that make up an entire year offers us quite a long period of time. It contains endless amounts of different events and situations, that may be major, minor, positive, negative, joyous, upsetting, life-changing, or just a normal occurrence. How often do we stop on any given day and reflect on where were a year ago?
Many of us, myself included, use the new year as a time to reflect on our lives over the last calendar year. There is nothing wrong with this routine, but we need to become more mindful and consistent with practicing this self-reflection on a daily basis. From the short term perspective, it’s extremely important, and necessary for self-growth, to continuously reflect on yesterday, last week, or even last month. At the same time, I feel that it’s equally important to dedicate time and mental space to reflect on your life within the last year.
Like I said, a year is a long time, which gives us a broader scope and bigger sample size of where we were, what we were doing, and everything that has happened leading up to the present moment. No one is the same person they were a year ago. We all change, hopefully for the better with self-evolution, but sometimes we may digress or take a few steps back. Regardless of this, we have to understand that we are still here, we are still alive, and we have the ability to make this moment the moment we decide to change. We can use what we’ve learned in the last year as starting point and motivation to better ourselves. To live better, love better, care better, eat better, and ultimately, feel better. That way, when we look back on this day a year from now, we can be proud of the transformation we made from where we were then to where we are now. On this day. In this moment.
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For quite some time, I needed help. I needed to change my life and the way I was living. I can remember to this day, so many people around me that tried to show me the way, but I was never responsive to their help. One day, I finally made the decision to get some help, and these memories came flooding back of what these people said to me and what they did for me. I was too stubborn, arrogant, and proud to realize what they were trying to accomplish with me. They were trying to tell me I didn’t have to live like that anymore. They were carrying a message, a message that ultimately saved my life.
Everybody has someone like this in their life that they wish would change for the better. Regardless if we disapprove of this person’s lifestyle, we have no actual control over them deciding to make those necessary changes. So, does that mean we give up and let this person continuously self-sabotage their own lives? The answer is no, but there is only so much that we can do as a person looking from the outside.
We should never stop trying to support people that so desperately need help and require change in their lives. We just have to remind ourselves that we can’t physically make someone want to change. Instead, we can be a leader, we can be an example of how to live a better life, and we can constantly carry the message. This message, in whichever form it takes, can provide hope and a promise of freedom that can eventually lead to a better way of life full of happiness, joy, and peace. Ultimately, this decision to change lies in the hands, the mind, and the heart of the person that needs to make a change. Once we truly recognize this, we can free ourselves of any false burdens we may place upon ourselves for not being able to make someone want to transform their lives. We always have to remember that we can’t force someone to change or get better. We can only carry the message, we cannot carry the person.
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A discussion is the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas. This is how we should approach a conversation with someone or a group of people, but that’s not always the case. Instead, we may engage in an argument. An argument is still considered an exchange of ideas, but these ideas are probably opposing and there’s usually a heated, aggressive tone involved.
So why do people choose to participate in arguments rather than discussions? In my opinion, it has a lot to do with power. Sometimes people feel more powerful and “better than” if they prove themselves right, and someone else wrong, in an argument. Those people always have this goal in mind of being right, winning an argument, and walking away with this perceived sense of being more powerful now. They essentially feel like they took this other persons power, possibly by any means necessary, in order to make themselves feel better. But, do we want to make ourselves feel better at the expense of someone else? At the expense of someone else’s feelings?
I feel like the answer to that question would be “no”, but we can still engage in a conversation that turns into an argument and not a discussion. We have to approach these situations with a different mindset. We have to understand that if its viewed as a discussion, then that element of power struggle, that element of me vs. you, that element of perceived “winning” can be eliminated. As a result, you create this space where people can express their ideas, regardless if they are agreed upon. The focus is taken off any specific outcome and transferred to the present moment where ideas are flowing back and forth. That’s where growth happens. That’s where compassion happens. That’s where love and respect for one another exists.
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At some point in every one’s life, we either did something that we didn’t want to do or we said something that we didn’t really mean. We may have even went against our own belief or our own values. So, then the question is: Why? Why do people say or do things that are not aligned with their true selves?
In my opinion and from personal experience, it has to do with someone longing to be liked, or more so, not disliked. It has to do with wanting so badly to feel accepted, or more so, not feeling left out. And therein lies the crux of this issue, the answer to that question. We are so afraid of feeling like we don’t belong, we are not worth it, or we don’t bring anything of value to the table, that we may say or do things just to feel accepted, just to be liked. We put this other person or persons wants and needs in front of our own. We sacrifice our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health and well-being to make sure that others like us. That others find us funny, and cute, and pretty, or interesting.
This type of people pleasing behavior isn’t very conducive for anyone’s self-growth and evolution as a person. We need to take the time to really understand what we want, our passions and dreams, and what truly makes us happy. If we start to live this type of life, then we won’t need to go out of our way to try to please other people to feel liked or accepted. We will attract like-minded individuals that have the similar perspectives or views. This doesn’t mean we won’t or can’t have people in our company who disagree with us, but we’ll know that we don’t need to sacrifice our beliefs, our true selves, to make them like us. We can be our truest selves and the people who accept that will stick around and the ones who don’t can choose to move on
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There are approximately 171,476 words in the English language.
That’s a lot of words! So, it’s not hard to believe that there are times when we might confuse two different words because they possibly sound alike OR we think they mean the same thing. I want to talk about the latter and focus on two words that I feel are sometimes used interchangeably: alone and lonely. What do they both mean? Alone is defined as having no one else present, while lonely means sad because one has no friends or company. If you pay attention to each definition, you will notice the big difference between each word. Alone is defined by having no one else around, it’s just you, by yourself. Lonely means that you are sad or upset because no one else is physically with you or in your presence. Therefore, the word alone deals with the physical, no one is physically in your presence, while lonely deals with the emotional or mental effects of being alone or without any company.
Because these words can be used to describe the same thing, there is the possibility that if someone is alone, it’s viewed as something negative or cause for concern. When in fact, if someone is alone, especially when they choose to be, it does not have to be perceived as an undesirable situation. We live in such a time where distractions are at our disposal 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. In my opinion, this has created a skewed perspective of someone choosing to be alone or just with themselves. This “alone time” should be a goal for each and every one of us. This time can be spent working on ourselves by taking care of ourselves and giving ourselves the necessary time to focus on what makes us happy, not worrying about anyone or anything else in the outside world.
The issue or problem occurs when those feelings of sadness accompany that alone time. When someone feels like they don’t belong, are an outsider, or something is wrong with them. At that point, we need to dig deep, beneath the surface, and try to get to the root causes of those feelings of loneliness and sadness. They manifested as lonely or sadness, but they a came from a much deeper place that needs to be addressed. So, instead of allowing ourselves to be taken over by those feelings, we need to try to understand and figure out why we feel that way. Then, and only then, can we start to change our ways, create new habits, and not give loneliness the power to run our lives. We have to take a stand and decide to change, if we want to see change.
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You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Many of us live in this constant state of fear, regardless of the gravity of the situation. We are afraid to pursue something that we truly want, because we have this fear. This is a fear of rejection. We have this idea built up in our minds that if we are “rejected”, then it has something to do with us - it’s personal. We feel like we have been rejected because of who we are rather than the idea, opinion, or perspective that we offered.
Therefore, we have to learn and truly understand that there should be a separation between the two: the person and their idea, opinion, perspective, or thought. Once we recognize this, we take ourselves out of harm’s way. We no longer associate this rejection as a personal attack on who we are as an individual.
This new found mindset or outlook will allow us to free ourselves from that fear of being rejected. We never have to worry or be concerned if someone tells us “no” or rejects something we propose. That offers us freedom from any anticipated or projected negative outcomes. We realize that whatever happens, it’s not a reflection on who we are. As a result, it removes that fear element from your mentality and provides us more confidence, more self-esteem when approaching a situation where the outcome is unpredictable. So, shoot your shot. The worst thing that someone can say is “no” and if that’s the worst thing happening to us that day, then we’re having a great day. So, smile.
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Expectations are a strong belief that something will happen in the future. We expect that it will transpire according to what we think is right and how it should precisely unfold. Having these expectations, or assumptions, create these imaginary conclusions or results that may never come to fruition. But, when we manufacture these expected or assumed conclusions we are usually let down and left disappointed.
This is due to the fact that these expectations are so high. We think, or convince ourselves, that everyone should and will handle certain situations the same way that we would. It may not even be their fault. We created that expectation on our own, and if they fall short, we feel upset, frustrated or annoyed. This doesn’t mean we should set the bar low or expect nothing out of people. Rather, we have to learn to allow things to happen without us trying to control the outcome.
We have to understand that things will happen and people will act as they wish. We cannot control the outcomes, for the most part. What we can control is how we act and react to those situations and the actions of others. No one is me, but me. No one is you, but you. So we have to truly recognize that everyone handles things differently and sometimes circumstances deviate from what we expected. When we come to terms with this concept, life becomes much easier to navigate because we free ourselves from the bondages generated from expectations and assumptions.
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We all use different labels to describe certain aspects of our lives. If you don’t eat any animal-based products, then you are considered a vegan. If you have certain politics beliefs, then you may be considered a Democrat or Republican. These are just two examples, but the amount of labels that our society uses is endless.
Why do we use these types of labels? In my opinion, labels are not telling the entire story or giving us the full picture of a certain person. They seem to give us the ability to grasp and understand them, but by using this label we may actually limit ourselves from diving deeper and really getting to know this person and their principles.
Don’t allow yourselves to be deceived by this way of thinking, this pitfall or trap that has been strategically designed by society. Go against the norms. Go against what we’ve been conditioned to think and allow yourself to see beyond a label that is filled with surface level descriptions. Have an inquisitive mindset and use those curiosities to spark the conversations that can lead to a more genuine connection.
We are all way more than just a label. We are complex beings that embody a variety of characteristics and qualities that make each one of us unique. Acknowledge that uniqueness by embracing all that allows us to be one of a kind.
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If nothing changes, nothing changes.
We always have a choice. An a regular basis, we consciously decide to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. But, when we keep getting that same result from doing the same things, and we CHOOSE not to change, we are in essence behaving irrationally. If you continue to do what you do, you will continue to get what you get. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
This concept might sounds simple, but as human beings we love to complicate life and make things a lot more difficult than they need to be. Instead of remaining beholden to certain habits and routines that do not serve us, we need to make a genuine effort and dedicate time to create those necessary changes. Use this time to self-reflect and put the pen to paper. By writing down what you want to change, including the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, we will ultimately hold ourselves accountable. It will no longer just be an abstract thought in our minds, but something concrete that we can literally see right in front of us.
There is no time like the present. This moment is the perfect moment to start your journey of transformation. We all have the ability to change, but we have to want that change. We have to abandon our old ways and habits and find a new way to live.
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The message is hope, the promise of freedom.
When people hear the word, freedom, they usually think about it in terms of the physical body. If someone isn’t physically free, they are most likely in jail, prison, or in some type of institution that restricts them from leaving. This means they are not allowed to physically remove themselves from this place.
But, there are still two other lenses that we can use to view this concept of freedom; mental and emotional. Just like physical freedom, if someone doesn’t have mental and emotional freedom, then they will limit or restrain themselves from thinking and feeling freely. More often than not, we have the habit of giving other people the opportunity to control us through their words, thoughts, and actions. This may even oppose everything we believe in, but because we aren’t strong in our own truths, we allow them to dictate how we think and feel. We inhibit our own mental and emotional freedom. We put ourselves into a mental and emotion prison. Sometimes this isn’t even a product of another person, but caused by our own self-sabotaging thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Regardless, when this happens, we feel like there is no way out. But, unlike a physical prison for the most part, these mental and emotional prisons we create in our own minds, are escapable. We can break free. It is up to us to understand these walls, barriers, or obstacles that we create within our own selves. Upon this realization, we can start the process of breaking down these walls, allowing us to start this process of growth, evolution, and self-love.
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Each day is comprised of 86,400 seconds. If a moment lasts as long as a second or two, then we have the possibility of experiencing tens of thousands of moments each and every day. Within each of these moments, there are two potential options: something positive occurs or something negative occurs. No matter how hard we try to avoid or escape certain moments during our day, they are bound to happen; it’s quite inevitable.
When we experience a positive or negative moment, we need to understand that it’s fleeting. Many times throughout the course of our day, we let these moments consume us. We fail to acknowledge the fact that past moments are gone and there is no way of bringing them back to the present. Instead, we should really focus on not devoting any of our energy to these moments or allowing ourselves to become attached to them.
When we end up giving those moments our attention, we take ourselves out of the present. It can happen with both positive and negative moments, so why can it seem much easier for us to give those negative moments permission to ruin our day? Holding on to those negative or bad moments can give us a false sense of security because we think we are in control, but in reality, it’s that moment that has control over us. We need to recognize that it’s just a moment and we are the only ones that can give it the power to carry over into the rest of our day. So, be mindful and aware of each moment during the day, especially when it can potentially become toxic and sabotage each moment thereafter.
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Disconnection. The lack of connection or the state of being isolated or detached.
With the advancements of technology, introduction of smartphones, and the ever-growing social media platforms, it has become easier to be more disconnected from our fellow human beings. Why meet your friend, your family member, your colleague in person when you can just send them a text? I agree, it’s more time efficient, but it doesn’t foster or support a deep and genuine relationship between the people involved. So, we essentially deceive ourselves into thinking that we are creating a better relationship, when in fact we are sabotaging it.
Maintaining our independence is an important part of life, but humans are social beings. Human connection is an innate need to create a social rapport with others. There is evidence of this need dating back to 30,000 BC in cave paintings, a form of communicating warnings and celebrating success. When we connect with another, it’s like a puzzle that fits perfectly. Sometimes we don’t realize we were even looking for that piece.
And when we connect with another human being in the form of a hug, the benefits are amazing and scientific. Hugging is a universal symbol of shared energy. It increases levels of the oxytocin, which is a neurotransmitter that acts on the brain’s emotional center, promoting feelings of contentment, reducing anxiety and stress. A hug can create a connection that one cannot express in words. Even a small hug generally makes everyone feel good. It can lift our spirits and make us smile. Some people are not comfortable with the physical embrace, yet a quick hug can go a long way. A hug is truly meant for everyone to experience. Try to hug often and hug with meaning.
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Everybody has something to offer. We may not realize or be fully aware of this concept, but it’s 100% true. These offerings can come in the form of someone’s presence, advice or words, or the actions that someone carries out. But we need to be careful because they can be both positive or negative and it is up to us, the individual, to decipher when an offering (what someone may offer us) is beneficial or potentially harmful.
I would hope that people don’t feel the need to offer anything that can be viewed as negative. Having said that, I know that I can only control what and how I present offerings to others. I strive to always offer positive vibrations, words, and actions on a daily basis. My delivery might not always be perfect, but I know I dedicate my efforts to consciously be better than I was the day, hour, or minute before.
Being able to offer my services to others, whether it’s my presence, words, or actions, is something that is extremely important to me. I know that I can’t keep it, unless I give it away. Which means that I can’t keep the happiness, the joy, the freedom, the inner peace that I’ve accumulated over time unless I share it, or give it away to others. It would be quite selfish of me to hold on to these gifts and not allow anyone else to benefit from them. So, if you have something to offer or share, then offer it. Share it. You never know how your presence may affect someone, how your words might make them smile, or how your actions could restore their faith in humanity.
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“We have learned that it is okay to not know all the answers, for then we are teachable and can learn to live our new life successfully.”
People will go to great lengths to act like they are knowledgeable about a particular subject just to avoid being perceived as senseless or ignorant. Why is that so common place in today’s society? In my opinion, there can be so much shame and embarrassment tied to not knowing something, being misinformed, or even forgetting a simple fact. As a result, we’d much rather save face by being dishonest to ourselves and others than to admit we don’t know something.
This turns into a vicious cycle that ultimately leaves you trapped, stuck, and unable to evolve and move further on your path. At this point, a decision needs to be made: You have to surrender and allow yourself the opportunity to grow as a human being. You have to make the conscious decision to admit to yourself and others, when necessary, that you don’t have all the answers. This should not be seen as a failure or disappointment, but rather a courageous moment where you give yourself a chance to be taught, to learn, and live a new way of life.
Don’t waste your talent. More importantly, don’t be the reason your talent is wasted. Your talent is simply being a human being on this earth with endless possibilities. So, don’t give up on yourself. Give yourself a chance to succeed. To live a life that is happy, joyous, and free.
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Did you know that we have between 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day? This means that there are between 35 and 48 thoughts running through our heads each minute.
Looking at that astonishing number, you can clearly understand how easy it is to take yourself out of the present, out of this exact moment. A single thought can take you so many places before you even know what happened. So much of our mental energy is dedicated to these thoughts because our brains have been conditioned to continuously harp on the past and project into the future.
This doesn’t mean we should never reflect on anything that has led up to the present or prepare for what may be in our forecast. Instead, we should really understand that both the past and the future are out of our control. Then, and only then, can we free ourselves from the mental restraints we place on ourselves by focusing so much of our energy on anything but the present.
We only have a short period of time on this earth, so we need to make the best of it. We need to embrace the present as much as humanly possible. There will be times when our attention is drawn outside of the moment, but it is up to us, up to me, and up to you, to figure out a way to come back to the here and now. That’s truly where all the magic happens.
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As we go through life, we all embark on this process of accumulation. Whether it’s voluntary or involuntary, we tend to collect things in the form of materials, relationships, and even thoughts. The older we get, the more things we accumulate. The more we accumulate, the more overwhelming it can become and almost feel as if we are suffocating or drowning.
At this point we have a choice; remember, we always have a choice. We can continue down this path of self-destruction accompanied by self-sabotaging decisions OR we can choose to take a brutally honest inventory of what does not serve us anymore. Once we realize what they are, we can begin to remove them, one by one. The toughest part isn’t just deciding what needs to be purged from our lives, but the actual action of doing so.
Materials are all inanimate objects and don’t have any feelings, despite the deep connections or attachments we may create with them. Once that sense of attachment is dissolved, getting rid of materials that do not serve us anymore become much easier. The same goes for the thoughts, ideas, or opinions we have floating around in our heads. Over the years, we become conditioned to think a certain way, even though it may not be beneficial to our overall health and well-being. These deep-seated attachments cannot be easily broken because many of us identify with those thoughts; we feel as if they are a part of us, when in reality they are usually just a fabrication of our imagination.
The toughest challenge lies with removal of people in our lives that do not serve us anymore, especially if it’s someone who is a close to us. We accumulate many relationships throughout our lives and when we become conscious of the ones that serve us, or help us grow, and the ones that don’t, which are holding us back or limiting our growth, we have a choice to make. Do we continue to allow these toxic people to derail our growth and evolution or do we allow ourselves the opportunity to experience true happiness and inner peace. This, by no means, is an easy task to take on. But, it is a necessary and vital step if we want to grow and evolve and live a happier, more meaningful life.
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In my experience, when someone hears the word criticism, they tend to view it as a negative action. When in reality, the act of criticism, can be the analysis and judgment of the merits and faults of something. This means that criticism doesn’t have to be viewed as something that is solely negative. Criticizing someone can involve analyzing or judging a merit, which recognizes something worthy and deserves praise or reward.
So why do people think that criticism always has to be negative? Don’t get me wrong, criticism can be negative, it can be mean and nasty, but in my opinion, that is not criticism; that is more along the lines of demeaning, degrading, or humiliating. Regardless of how someone tries to criticize you, or whether it was warranted, what they actually say is out of our control. To be honest, we can only control how we act and react to someone’s’ criticism.
Instead of reacting, take a step back and hit the pause button. Try to fully understand where the person is coming from and listen to what they are saying. If we choose to act in a close-minded manner, we may stop negative criticism from reaching us, BUT at the same time, we may miss an important message within that criticism. Therefore, try to maintain an open-mind because you don’t want to miss the message; you don’t want to leave before the miracle, in a sense. That way you can decide whether this criticism, feedback, or advice is something that doesn’t serve you or something that you can use to grow and evolve. The onus is on you to decide; just remember to be mindful, be aware, and be conscious when those situations arise.
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We come into this world filled with unconditional love. Somewhere along the way, we wander off our path and forget the real essence of our being. When we are young, it’s much tougher to confront the events, situations, or people that possibly contribute to us losing sight of that love; we don’t always have the means or resources available to defend ourselves. As we get older, and experience all that life has to offer, it is our responsibility to search and pursue our most true self that is filled with this unconditional love; even in the face of adversity.
Not being able to connect to our innermost self creates this dissonance, this disconnection. We are unable to understand that we are rooted in love, which allows or gives us permission to be cruel with our intentions, nasty with our words, and malicious with our actions without worrying about any repercussions or consequences. In reality, all that negativity directed outwards is actually going to affect us more than the person we are addressing or interacting with. It’s like we are trying to poison someone else by drinking the poison. It doesn’t make sense.
When we realize that our true nature, our soul, is meant to be aligned with love, kindness, and compassion, we can start to love ourselves. We can start to learn who we are, how we are meant to think, speak, and act towards ourselves and others. It doesn’t cost us anything to be nice to someone, to treat them with respect, dignity, and kindness. Even if they don’t react in the same manner, we have to be compassionate, we have to understand that not everyone is having a good day. Be patient with others, be kind to their needs, and always approach a situation with that unconditional love that may help someone making through that moment, that day, or save their life.
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The act of being intentional is not something that happens on its own in a passive manner. It requires work and effort from the individual. You have to truly make a conscious effort to be intentional with your thoughts, words, and actions.
To not be intentional is an action, and a deliberate decision, as well. When you are not intentional with your thoughts, words, or actions, you are wasting precious and valuable time. We only have a limited time on this earth, so why is choosing to not make the best of it even an option? Why waste your time thinking, saying, or doing things that don’t serve you and your passions?
We have to be mindful. We have to be completely aware of all aspects of our lives. When we decide to turn inwards, constantly implementing introspective practices, and remain cognizant of our lives on a daily basis, we give ourselves a chance to change. We have the amazing opportunity to transform, to grow, and to evolve into better versions of ourselves. What’s holding you back?
There really is no time like the present. Don’t wait until tomorrow to be intentional because we never know what the future holds.
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We all need to strive to be active participants, not just in our lives, but in society. It can seem much easier to withdraw or sit on the sidelines while life passes us by, but who is that really benefiting? It certainly is not helping you grow or evolve as a person because that type of apathy removes you from any type of spiritual path.
At the same time, this apathy can lead to a lack of accountability. There plenty of times in life when you make a deal, a promise, a verbal contract with someone. If you end up backing out, becoming lazy or apathetic, then you’re not being accountable with your word. If this becomes a pattern, then you could be viewed as unreliable, irresponsible, or someone who can’t be depended on. No one wants to be seen as this type of person.
Therefore, you need to be mindful of how you follow through with your word. If you decide to keep your word, show up in life, and do the right thing when called upon, you’ll be able to hold your head high because you are displaying characteristics of a reliable, dependable, and responsible person. That is something to strive for, something to be proud of, when people, but more importantly you, fully understand that you can be trusted in any and all situations.
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For the longest time, I didn’t know myself. I had no idea who I was as a person, what I stood for, or any of my purposes in life. As a result, I hid behinds these masks or barriers when I was in public or interacting with people. I found it much easier to be something else or someone else than my actual self. To be completely honest, I wasn’t comfortable taking these masks off and showing the world who I was: a scared and insecure person who was consumed with shame and guilt.
I wasn’t just lying to other people with these masks, but more importantly, I was lying and deceiving myself. I was doing an utter disservice to myself by self-sabotaging my life and creating unnecessary pain and suffering.
So what changed? Well, first of all I surrendered and realized I needed to change my life, my way of thinking, and my attitude. It was vital for me to stop lying to myself and start being true to myself, being absolutely, without a doubt, honest with myself. This meant, no more justifying my decisions, no more rationalizing my choices. I had to actually listen, really focus and sincerely pay attention to my inner voice, my conscious, my Higher Power.
This was not an easy process. It was painful, uncomfortable, and left me in a constant vulnerable state. But, I had to ditch these masks in order to grow, to evolve, and get to know me and the person I wanted to be. I am grateful to this day that I made that decision. Being true to myself was, and is, one of the most important fundamental ideals I used as my foundation. This allowed me to grow and progress as a human being; without it, I don’t know where I would be today.
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During active addiction, I would resort to these thoughts and feelings that consistently made me the victim. It was this “poor me” mentality that kept me stuck in these stories, unable to truly enjoy life. I felt like I deserved to be miserable, sad, and always in pain. So, why would I want to get better; to experience happiness? If I didn’t think joy was justifiable, then there was no point in changing the narrative of my life. Playing the victim card, feeling sorry for myself, and this misery was comfortable for me. I enjoyed it, as ridiculous as that may sound.
This is no way to live life. It doesn’t matter what or who you believe in, we were not put on this earth to be miserable. We were put here to be happy, experience inner peace, feel ultimate freedom, and really enjoy life. So, then why do people become comfortable succumbing to their circumstances, to this story or narrative that they choose to represent? In my opinion, it can seem much easier to concede to your circumstances, then to actually put in the time, effort, and work.
Looking at yourself, and what needs to change, is not an easy task. It requires a tremendous amount of work, strength, and courage. It can be quite painful at times, but the rewards are worth all of the aches and discomfort that is endured along the way. To be honest, you have to ask yourself this: Do I want to be miserable and stay stuck in this story of victimization or do I want to truly experience life and be happy, joyous, and free? It’s up to you and you only. Nothing worth anything can be achieved through osmosis. You have to put in the work, to reap the benefits.
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Life happens whether we want it to or not. You have two choices when unexpected situations arise in your life. You can either fight, deny, or try to ignore it OR you can start to accept it and truly understand you cannot control everything that happens in your life.
If you choose to fight it and control every little detail of your life, you will find yourself in a constant state of mystery, anger, and frustration. I lived that way for many years, trying to control my life and all aspects of it. Every time I thought I planned for everything, life showed up and let me know that I was not in control.
This realization didn’t truly sink in until years later after suffering many self-sabotaging and self-inflicted wounds to my emotional and mental state. Like many things in life, I had to surrender. I had to surrender to the fact that I was not in control of most of the things that happened in my life. What I was in control of was how I reacted these unplanned situations. Once I actually lived by this motto of accepting life on life’s terms, I experienced freedoms that I never felt before. I was no longer consumed by a perpetual feeling of controlling each and every aspect of my life.
You just have to remember that life comes with the ups filled with happiness and joy, as well as the downs filled with sadness and grief. Nothing lasts forever, so don’t get too caught up in the moment, whether good or bad. Always remind yourself that it’s not always what happens that defines us, but how we react and move forward; accepting it and living life on life’s terms.
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Why do we become so attached, so emotionally attached, to inanimate objects in our lives?
We give these material things such control, such power, over how we think and especially how we feel. Yet, they aren’t real. They may provide us temporary comfort or joy, but that will come at the expense of true happiness and inner peace.
For so long, I would acquire things, material things, that I thought would make me feel happy and whole. At some point, I realized that I just had all of this stuff. Whether it was clothes, jewelry, headphones, or some other materialistic thing, I had more than I truly needed to “get by”.
I knew I had to let go, but letting go is not that simple. You have to ask yourself: Does this object hold any value to me? Does it serve any purpose in my life? If you answer no to these questions, then it’s time to let go. It may feel like easier said than done, but once I started to break those emotional attachments to certain materials in my life, letting go was so much easier. I was able to completely rid myself of so much excess baggage, literally and figuratively. I am living proof that letting go does work and that it helps you grow in all aspects of your life.
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“The vital force is not enclosed in man but radiates within and around him like a luminous sphere. It may poison the essence of life and create disease, or it may purify and restore the health.” - Paracelsus
This force or energy can also be called an aura or human energy field, which is like the second skin of the body. This second skin is the boundary between your personal energy system and the energy of your environment; an illuminated wrap of life-force medicine; and a subtle nervous system receiving and sending energy messages.
When you have a positive mindset, feel healthy, self-confident, calm, and grounded, your aura is clean and healthy. When you have a negative mindset, feel sick, depressed, sad, or unsure of yourself, your aura needs cleansing.
The totality of who we are is broadcasted to the world through the aura that radiates out from us, even though most individuals do not see this around themselves and others. And if we desire to increase the beauty, intensity and size of our aura, it will certainly happen as we focus more and more on all that is positive, kind, compassionate, forgiving, just and loving.
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The best defense is a good offense.
This strategy can be quite useful with many things in life, but have you ever thought about applying it to food shopping? When you step foot into a supermarket, you are immediately bombarded with an overwhelming amount of food choices.
If you aren't equipped with a "good offense", in this case a shopping list, then you might end up succumbing to designed traps imposed by big food corporations.
So, I ask you this. In addition to the shopping list, try to be as mindful as possible when you are making your food choices. Take that extra moment. Take a step back and really try to grasp the fact that the food you eat can either help you or harm you. If you remember that small piece of information, you'll have a much better chance at making the healthier choices.
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Never let a bad moment turn into a bad day.
We all have those moments that can seem inescapable because we are consumed with frustration, anger, fear, or anxiety. Our minds are habit forming, which means they've been programmed to react to these types of situations with those precise emotions and feelings. It’s can be comforting to us, in an odd and cruel way.
What if you decided that you had enough? What if when you were presented with a situation that normally made you angry, you said STOP? You put a halt on where your mind was going and you turned your attention elsewhere. You focused on gratitude. You took a mental time out to take a step back and concentrate on a gratitude list; whether you wrote it down or did so in your head.
In doing so, you can start to reprogram or retrain your mind to go towards the positive (a gratitude list) instead of straight to the negative. This new way of thinking will take time. You’re literally trying to transform thought patterns that have been engrained in your brain for years. So, be patient. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t always handle the situation like you wanted to. Focus on being better for the next situation. Always treat yourself with love, kindness and compassion. You deserve it.
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Forgiveness can be the most challenging act in a person’s life.
Some people see that word forgiveness and may immediately think of it as an action performed externally or outside of the body. When in actuality, it’s not just an external action, but a very important internal action as well.
I struggled with this concept for a long time. I found it much easier to forgive someone else, than the person I saw in the mirror. Why was that the case? Why could I absolve the past actions of others, but not myself?
Once I realized the important of forgiving yourself, first and foremost, I had the ability to evolve and grow in all aspects of my life. It can still be a struggle at times, but when self-love and self-care are involved, I know that everything will work out as it should.
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Have you ever felt like you were sacrificing your own dreams in order to help someone else fulfill theirs?
Several times in my life I chose to invest my time and efforts in somebody else's business or dreams. I was not forced. I chose to do this, instead of pursuing my true passions. Each time, I was left feeling miserable, empty, and confused. This was a direct result of me not aligning myself with my true self, my heart, and my soul.
My struggles are not unique; they are quire common in today's world. People are hesitant in pursuing their dreams for numerous reasons, but its usually based around fear, anxiety, and lack of confidence.
Today, I am saying yes to myself. I am investing my time, my efforts, my heart, and my soul into my dreams and my passions. In doing so, I've never felt more at peace in my life.
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Fear is a manifestation of the mind. It's not tangible. No one can actually hold fear in their hand, but many people treat it like a overpowering physical presence in their lives. We all allow it; we give it permission to become a driving force in so many of our decisions and choices.
I used to be controlled by fear. I would make almost all of my decisions based on fear; focusing on the hypothetical undesirable outcomes. In doing so, I put myself into positions that made me unhappy, unmotivated, and confused.
After so many times of acting this way, I knew something had to change. I had to change. I realized that doing anything because your afraid or scared of a certain negative outcome is no way to go about your life.
I learned how to change my way of thinking, and in the process, truly discovered a new way to live. I no longer make decisions rooted in fear...
Today, I come from a place of love. I make decisions rooted in love. Because at the end of the day, Love conquers fear. Love conquers all.
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For so long I felt the need to strive for perfection.
No matter the circumstance, I conditioned myself to always produce perfection or it would not be good enough. But not good enough for whom?
When I consistently answered that question with, "for me", I realized the immense amount of pressure I was putting on myself. I was so focused on the goal, or the end result, that I failed to really enjoy the journey.
This journey can be applied to anything in life, especially life itself. If you are alway focused on the next thing or achieving something, you will miss out on the beauty of the ride. We all need to enjoy the ride and everything else will fall into place.
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I am no longer ashamed or embarrassed to tell my story.
For so long, I viewed surrendering or asking for help as a sign of weakness. Even in my darkest days, I held on to the notion that I was a man and should be strong enough to handle it all on my own. That's such an archaic, and selfish, way to go through life.
When I couldn't take it anymore and decided to surrender, I realized the enormous amount of courage and inner strength that it took.
Today, I am proud to say that: "I'm Kyle, a grateful recovering addict".
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This is a brief (or semi brief) introduction to my new Podcast. I explain the range of topics I will be discussing, mainly Heath & Wellness; but in terms of the Mind, Body, & Soul/Spirit.
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