The Good Mom Podcast: Recent Episodes
Jodi Schilling
Every mom wants to be a good mom but how many times a day do we question this?! We have been conditioned to believe that there are rules for being a good mom but I say your definition is the only one that matters. As a mom with four kids with neurodiversity and a background in education, I believe every child has gifts and talents of genius. I also see life's unexpected trials as chances for us to grow in our strength, love, and connection as a family. Escape from your "bad mom" soundtrack each week to listen in for inspiration on all the mom things, whether neurodiversity is in your family or not. Get the go ahead to have way more fun without guilt, hear new perspectives on old problems, and finally feel like you know what you're doing as a mom.
I'm clearing up the differences between traditional counseling or therapy and certified life coaching by sharing with you the times in my life when I have utilized both for different purposes. I also share a recent realizaton I have had with current and former clients about the best format for coaching, and specific results a recent client experienced. And...I am super excited to offer free POWER HOURS of coaching for the month of August, plus a new, perfect-fit monthly coaching offer with 3 sessions of coaching plus a follow-up reflection call, based on feedback from recent clients! Every mom who has been on the fence about coaching but is curious to try it gets the chance this summer!
Schedule your free power hour here:
https://calendly.com/goodmomcoach/bad-mom-s-power-hour
Or, get one of the limited 3-session special coaching offers here:
https://calendly.com/goodmomcoach/mom-s-good-life-coaching-monthly-3-sessions-plus-reflection-call
Email me with questions at jodi@goodmomcoach.com (including former clients who want to come on the podcast and get free coaching!)
Visit my website at https://www.goodmomcoach.com
Despite my best efforts to avoid it, I became ill with Covid last week after traveling. I don't know of it was the high fever or just being forced to rest (because my body refused everything except that) but I had some realizations and revelations that really helped me get clear about some big things. I went back a few years and made connections, I reclaimed aspects of myself I want to bring back out, and I made decisions about who I am and how I want to show up being the real me. I don't wish COVID on anyone but these unexpected benefits of having some forced downtime with myself have been soooo good. I hope you can gain these same benefits by taking intentional time for yourself and just allowing your thoughts to reveal to you what matters most. Email me if this episode resonated with you. I'd love to hear what helped you most! My email is jodi@goodmomcoach.com
After a 2-week break from recording my podcast I am sharing with you my personal struggle with managing my fear around not recognizing myself and my decision to do some inner work on that, my perception of failure and the story I decided to change about that, and the way I want to experience this next stage of life as a mom. Things are changing and I am excited to see what develops and share it with you! If you find this episode to be helpful, can you give it a review? Thank you for listening!
Reflecting this week on mistakes I made and sometimes still make. I used to think these were about being a mom. I used to connect these to my mom identity by making them mean something about that aspect of me, but I have a new awareness now that these are about my own past pain and the healing I am doing. Mistakes are not bad, mamas. They have message for us and a purpose and we get to frame them in the way that serves us best. We can keep going and know that we will keep making mistakes - and that is OK.
Special Guest Episode: Christy Keating from The Heartful Parent joins me this week for an informative and open conversation about the who, what, when, and why our tweens and teens need to hear about sexual consent from us. If you've avoided talking to your tweens or teens about sex, this episode will give you some facts and encouragement, plus an easy-to-follow guideline and suggestions for exactly how to actually have the convo.
Christy is a Certified Parent Coach®, a Certified Positive Discipline Educator, and a Certified Instructor with The Gottman Institute. She is also a long-time leader and speaker for the Program for Early Parent Support. In addition, Christy is a licensed attorney and former prosecutor of 20 years with expertise in the prosecution of sexually violent predators, as well as an active member of the National Coalition to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation. Through The Heartful Parent’s sister company, Savvy Parents Safe Kids, Christy offers child safety workshops, presentations, and consulting to both parents and professionals.
In this episode Christy shares the OMEGAS of Consent, a thorough guideline she created to help parents and kids understand consent completely so they can stay safe, build emotionally healthy relationships, and, when they're ready, have positive sexual experiences.
Find resources, support, and all the ways to reach out to Christy here:
https://www.rainn.org/
www.theheartfulparent.com
Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/theheartfulparent/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theheartfulparent/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/christy-keating-j-d-a993a3110/
For Pride Month, I want to talk openly about what I've learned as a proud mom of a child in the LGBTQ+ community. First of all, I am learning as I go. I have made some mistakes and caught myself acting from unconscious bias, lack of awareness, fear, and insensitivity, but I've asked questions and I'm continuing to learn more all the time. For the mistakes I've made, I also believe there's one thing we can always do right, no matter what - and that is to accept and love our kids exactly as they are. We can simply believe them without question when they trust us enough to tell us who they really are. We can apologize if we mess up, just like we do when we mess up in other ways as a parent. My hope with this episode is that it provides a safe space for moms who might have a wide range of feelings, worries, and maybe even regrets about how to talk with, (or how they've already talked with) their LGBTQ kids. When we know better we can do better, at any time.
An LGBTQ+ resource I have found with multiple links for helpful information is from Dr. Lulu, a pediatrician, parent coach, speaker and author who has inspired me every time I've listened to her speak. The link to Dr. Lulu's resource page is here:
https://www.dr-lulu.com/resources
In this episode my third daughter joins the podcast to talk about her perspective growing up as the youngest in our family. She shares a topic that has recently come up for her with her therapist around the topic of comparison, and some of the advantages and disadvantages of being the youngest. We also talk about the importance of checking in with each sibling and honoring their experiences and identity as an individual. We wrap up the episode talking about the unintended impact we can have on our kids when our "bad mom" self-assessments slip out. If you find this episode helpful as a mom, please share with a friend, rate, or review. Thank you!
Kristina Campos, mom of 4, host of The Impactful Parent Podcast and creator of the Impactful Parent app joins me this week to chat about her journey from having her world turned upside down and the decision she made at that time to create a new way to support her family. She now has an app with more than 100 videos to help parents on pretty much any topic. On this episode we talk about the decisions and actions we take as moms when our kids look to us for emotional safety. Kristina also shares her secret for managing her time and some ways she connects with her kids, including a 30-day challenge you can try out too. You can learn more about Kristina, her parent resources, and her app here:
https://www.theimpactfulparent.com
https://instagram.com/theimpactfulparent
https://facebook.com/theimpactfulparent
There is a strategy I apply that helps me avoid frustration with people who don't understand neurodiversity or behavior challenges and don't seem to be interested in learning more. In this short episode I share my approach in detrmining who will benefit from educating when building a support team around our family. The concept helps in other contexts in life too. Enjoy!
If you are not feeling awesome about Mother's Day either before, during or after, this episode will help you reflect and possibly shift perspective, if that's what you want. The concept of being ready to be in "receiving mode" is shared, along with a way to get curious and honest about what's really bothering you about thr holiday for celebrating and honoring moms. If you like this episode, I would appreciate if you could scroll down on the main page on your pod platform to the place where you can leave a rating and/or a review. I appreciate you!
This episode is a new format! I am reminiscing about the progress of my very first clients. I share about the mom who discovered that her boyfriend was not problem, the mom who learned how to feel her feelings instead of chasing her self-worth by doing tons of things, the mom who stopped trying to buffer and orchestrate her family's relationships, the mom who was toggling between escapism and guilt but struck a balance by creating a safety plan, and moms who gave up control of kids who were using substances but still maintained healthy relationships with their them and themselves in the process. If this sparks your interest in finding out more about coaching with me, check out my website for more info: https://www.goodmomcoach.com
There is a throughline with all the hardest situations we have faced as family. I have noticed it also with moms and families I have coached. It is simple but not easy to do. It's facing reality and radically accepting it. It is not our natural tendency to accept unexpected or painful events, especially as moms - but when we do it's the first step to processing emotions and modeling to our kids how to do the same. Avoiding or resisting a scary reality seems like a safe thing to do but it's the opposite. Face it, accept it and get your power back.
The first half of this episode I share a concept from coaching that I use often but was reminded of at my recent coach mastermind event in Austin, which is "don't believe everything you think," and we also review again how counseling and coaching are different. In the second half I am inviting you into my world around weight loss and weight regain (which has been a recurring theme in my life) and inviting you to go on this final health and fitness journey with me. I am not going on a diet, but instead I am going all in on listening and responding to my body. No more diet, food, or body drama for this mama. Who wants to join me? Reach out with questions at jodi@goodmomcoach.com.
Not all moms relate to being a hot mess, but for those of us who do, I salute you. Seriously, is having our shit together really the goal? In this episode I share some new ways of looking at the "hot mess" persona. Personally, I learned to just own it in myself and actually love this aspect of myself. I love it in other moms too, especially when no one judges it, either outwardly or inwardly. Let's embrace our hot messiness, moms. So much more fun.
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Anxiety and Fear are just indicators for us to take a pause and think "What am I fearing in this situation?" In this episode we take a step back and rethink how controlling others and our own emotions is our natural tendency as moms, but it has negative impacts and a cost to us and our relationships. The most important take-aways: Trust that we can feel negative emotions and be the whole version of ourselves, give equal air time to all the facts, and let our kids see us do this so they can do it for themselves too.
You've heard me say before that behavior is communication, but what the heck is actually being communicated? In this episode I share 4 ways to more accurately determine the real message or cause for maladaptive behaviors. First, do not assume anything other than the person would not be behaving this way if they could help it. second, drop all old stories about behavior. Both of these actions will help clear space for you to utilize my third suggestion, which is to act like a scientist and be observant and curious as well as do your research on your family member's diagnosis. The 4th is the most underutilized but best chance for accuracy if done correctly: Simply ask them, "What's going on?" Asking from compassion and empathy and genuine concern is something we need to do more often and get more comfortable doing. One thing not to ask: Why did you do that? This question is laced with judgment in most instances and the person being asked, child or adult, will feel compelled to defend, so an accurate answer won't likely be shared. If you like this episode, please download, share, rate or review. Thank you! You can find out more about me and my coaching for moms at https: www.goodmomcoach.com
Connection is soooo important in building healthy, close, and trusting relationships with our kids. If we've missed some opportunities or just want to do better, it's not too late to begin now. In this episode, I give you 5 ways that I've noticed have made a huge difference in connecting more deeply with my kids. Here they are:
1. If they reach out for connection, drop what you're doing and accept the offer. You won't regret it later, I promise.
2. Notice when they are "acting out" which most people would say is for attention. This may be that they are actually just wanting connection. Consider supporting instead of ignoring.
3. Do any activity side by side with them. Whether it's walking, riding bikes, or going for a drive, side by side is a proven strategy that helps us have more open and productive conversations with less confrontation or awkwardness, resulting in better connections.
4. Be vulnerable. This is the hardest one but the most important. When we are vulnerable with our kids they don't feel alone. It also gives them permission to be vulnerable too.
5. Take genuine interest in their interests or at least in their fascination with their interests. Ask questions with a willingness to accept that they have different interests and that's OK, and let them know that "no topics are off limits in this family."
If this episode helps you with connecting with your kids, can you do me a favor and rate and review or share this episode with others? It helps my podcast get out to more moms and I appreciate that!
In this episode, I invited my oldest daughter Jenelle to share her reflections of growing up in our often chaotic and stressful home. She shares the role she took on as a "helper" in our family and how although she liked that role at the time she learned later how that role kept her from opening up to share her own emotions out of fear of upsetting me and her dad. She also opens up about sometimes not feeling recognized and how special 1:1 time helped with that. We end this episode on a conversation we shared when she was moving out to go to college that was a turning point for her. As a mom, when I listen back to this episode I feel some painful regrets and you'll notice that I do not acknowledge during this interview where I fell short. While I have had that conversation privately with each of my kids at different times, it is still apparent that we fall back into our patterns and our roles so easily! My hope is that you can see how as moms, being aware of the ways our kids interpret their roles in the family impacts them into adulthood. Taking time to acknowledge each of our kids' unique strengths and needs and making it OK to feel feelings are big takeaways this week. Thank you for listening!
On this episode I share three ways that have helped me lately in dealing with uncertainty which produces anxiety and fear. First we have to allow ourselves to actually feel the emotions that are uncomfortable, knowing that we can handle feeling any emotion. Next we can choose which side of the 50/50 of life that we'd like to think will happen in an uncertain future. Lastly we use the strategy of opposites in combination with the thought model to intentionally choose a specific thought that creates the emotion of calm, safe, certain, or self-assured. These emotions in turn will drive actions that produce a result where fear is absent.
You can email me at jodi@goodmomcoach.com
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In our family we have some special things that help us stay close as a family and in our individual relationships. I am sharing one of the things that has always been a "thing" for us. It's called "special time" and I highly recommend you consider trying this one out if any relationships in your family are a little tense. It's simple, doesn't even have to cost anything, and sends a message of love and belonging and connection. XO
We're talking about loving some more this week. Loving when it's hard. Loving when others are not being loving toward us. Loving people when they are not being very lovable. It's hard. And, it's possible. It feels way better.
Many of you have read my story of hustling for my self-worth on my website, and I have touched on some of the effects of my self-image issues in other podcast episodes. It's something I've wanted to "solve" for decades now, and I decided for 2022 that I would try out a new type of therapy to see if it would make a difference. I am sharing on this episode the therapy I tried and how it's going so far. If you've struggled with self-worth and are curious about hypnotherapy, listen in as I describe my experience with RTT, or Rapid Transformational Therapy. If you want to check out the wonderful coach who guided me through the process, Anke Docherty is her name. You can find out more about RTT and schedule with her at: https://www.ankedocherty.com/
Do you think love is the best feeling? Do you think experiencing love is our soul's true purpose? I had an experience when I was around 7 that has me trying to reconcile everything I was taught about love and how it's supposed to work, with the new information I've learned and continue to learn. Going a little deeper than usual on the podcast this week. Here's where to sign up for our next Moms' Zoom Party: https://www.goodmomcoach.com
We wrap up the topic of CLARITY with a tool I learned from an amazing coach, Heather Ross of the Living with Addiction podcast. It is a simple framework for deciding what we want to keep doing, being, or having, and what we want to stop doing, being, or having, and what we want to start doing, being, or having to create the life we desire most. It elegantly points out what we have accomplished and opens us up to choose with intention for the future. I hope you try this one out in your journal. You may be surprised at the clarity it brings for you.
For our series on the concept of clarity, I share three strategies that can help clear things right up if we find that we're second-guessing ourselves. There's a simple phrase, a teaching strategy from my classroom days, and an easy-to-remember question.
The second in a series on CLARITY, in this episode we hear 3 awesome definitions of clarity and relate them to our mom-brain. We break down exactly how we can access clarity of thinking ANYTIME we want to, and we call BS on our stories of overwhelm and confusion. To be clear, you've got everything you need now mama.
Many of us have lost track of what we really truly enjoy. This denies us the chance to express fully who we are and puts us in a state of confusion instead of clarity. In this episode I share a personal story of getting back in touch with something I used to love to do, and a little journaling exercise for you that can help you get clearer on what YOU enjoy. How we feel is the important part, and getting clear on what makes us feel enjoyment just for the sake of enjoyment is step one. More of this please!
Looking for lessons from 2021 can give us clarity and revelations that can be a surprise. I did a journal prompt that helped me this year and I share it with you along with my biggest lesson from my leap of faith. I also have exciting new plans for the podcast and also MOM PARTIES in 2022! Go to my website to sign up for our first one! www.goodmomcoach.com
Anticipation is an emotion that can be super useful to us if we understand how to utiize it best. We can experience ahead of time what we anticipate we will feel, for both wanted emotions and unwanted emotions. I share some examples in this episode to help you utilize anticipation in the most useful ways. Reach out to me at jodi@goodmomcoach.com to delve deeper into anticipating emotions or to learn more about coaching with me.
Sometimes it's the little things that keep us going. I'm keeping it light this week with a short and sweet episode about 3 less-known Christmas movies that are my favorites. I also love the classics, but these are in my opinion just as good and each one evokes some holiday spirit and love. They all have happy endings too, so there's that. I hope if you have not watched these you look them up and give them a watch!
The decision to have your child evaluated for a disability or learning difference can be an emotional one for many moms. In this episode I share from personal experience as a mom and a teacher the top three things to think about: 1) Your emotions and how to process them, because there are some natural fears associated, including the concern about having your child labeled, and also other intense and sometimes unexpected emotions many moms experience. 2) The vast amount of information you will receive and how to process that, and the most important, 3) The purpose of an evaluation and why aligning your values as you go through the process is critical. We also discuss the idea of a holistic lens for seeing brain differences as a common characteristic that we all share as human beings. If you or a mom you know is considering an evaluation for a child who is struggling, feel free to reach out for support by emailing me at jodi@goodmomcoach.com.
Lisa Candera and I sit down to talk about our similar experiences as moms of tweens and teens who are on the autism spectrum. We mostly just share our thoughts and feelings and experiences that challenged our thinking, especially when our kids' journeys took unexpected turns. We chat about holding it together during the difficult times, reaching out for help, looking at the journey for what it is, and some things that help (and don't) in our experience. Lisa also shares info about her new podcast, Be the Solid Object. You can find Lisa on Instagram @theautismmomcoach and on her website, www.bethesolidobject.com.
You may notice in this episode that the intro and outro are missing. This is an example of taking the path of least resistance - the app I use to edit my podcast has been updated and the tools I typically use to add the intro and outro tracks in just would not work this morning. So, I let it go. I let it be easy by not adding in the intro and outro. This is one of three ways I share on this podcast for taking the easy route. My examples today are about Thanksgiving, but these three concepts of 'ease' work for any challenging situation. If you want something to be easy, fun, and free of resistance, this episode is for you.
Melissa Vogel, fitness coach, mom of 3, and host of the Bomb Mom podcast joins me this week for a conversation about body image, the stories we hear and save about ourselves, emotional eating, and the most important part - how we learn to teach our families that we are taking care of ourselves, and the critical impact our decisions and modeling about our bodies, eating, and selfcare has on our kids. You can find Melissa on Instagram @itsmelissavogel. Her website is https://melissavogelfitness.com/ and you'll find info about her program, Busy to Bomb Fit Mom there!
This is my latest summary of how I think about behavior - which is not often the way we have been taught to think about behavior. I share some of my understanding of how the brain is often meeting a need or a want as part of its core function to keep us alive and safe, and how trauma plays a huge role in that. I also share a simplified approach which I have found much more success with for responding to maladaptive behavior from kids who struggle emotionally and it does not involve rewards or consequences or a chart of any kind. The approach? Understanding the brain and showing compassion for the child, teen, or adult, who is trying to meet their primal need for connection and emotional safety.
This is a personal account of our experience of Oakley, our dog who we affectionately say "rescued" us, as a family. He is a golden retriever who has been through all the ups and downs of our family's story, and he's a perfect example of unconditional love. You'll hear some fun little anecdotes that give you an idea of his personality and also be introduced to two more dogs we have in our family now, who are definitely emotional support animals, even though neither have been officially trained for that. Whether you have a dog or are thinking about whether to bring one into your family, I hope you'll enjoy this episode.
dogsarepartofthefamily
Meagan Norris, a mom of 3 who helps moms stress less so they can create the life they want, joins me this week for a discussion of what happens in the brain when we have a stress response. Meagan shares her way of thinking about stress, her 3-step process for managing stress, and a sweet story about her son who has picked up some key concepts about processing emotion already. If you want to stop stressing about stress, this episode is for you. You can reach out to Meagan for more help with mom stress at: https://instagram.com/meagannorriscoaching
The 411 on what's going on when a emotional meltdown happens for kids, teens, and us. There's some key information to know and a small window of opportunity to act. What we do and how we are thinking and feeling matters a lot. This episode will give you insight on the cause of meltdowns and the exact step-by-step response that gives everyone involved the best chance of diverting a meltdown.
For more phrases to say that help, you can download the Divert a Meltdown with 8 Magical Phrases here: https://www.goodmomcoach.com
The month of October is Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness Month and October 15, 2021 is Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. While I did not experience a miscarriage, I know so many, many moms who have. As for infant loss, I did have that painful experience. It was not until today however, when I was asked to share my story in a room of moms nearly 30 years after the day when our firstborn baby girl was born and died, did I experience the next stage of healing from this loss. This showed me how important telling our stories with people who have earned the right to hear them - because they can safely hold judgement-free space for us - how important that is for our healing. Collectively, when we gather together in safe spaces and share our stories fully, we can begin to break down stigma. We can take shame out of the stories. This is one topic, one experience, and one story that I hope does that for just one mom who may need to hear it today. XO
What a lovely conversation with life coach Bonnie Lyman, a mom who specializes in helping moms navigate the challenges of the transition to having our kids become adults. Bonnie shares how the completely different role we have to play with adult children can make or break our connection with them. We talk about trust, love, letting things go, feeling good, and as Bonnie says, "we have to get our own life" in this stage of the good mom life. You can learn more from Bonnie at her website: www.bonnielyman.com or find her on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching or on Facebook @bonnielyman.
The shortest episode ever but I hope the most powerful for you. Believe this and deeply know this and everything else is 10x easier.
Special guest interview! My middle daughter joins me this week for a brief chat as we reflect together on a few highlights of her growing up with mood dysregulation in our family. We look at what worked and what didn't - and touch on the topics of validating emotions, self-talk, acceptance, regrets, shame, and humor.
There are reasons we avoid feeling our own pain as moms. We are good at this, but what we think makes us strong is actually keeping us dissatisfied. In this episode you'll hear the top 3 pain points (guilt, shame, and responsibility) that manifests most often in moms I coach, and how to process them. You'll also get a new way to think about emotional pain in general, so that it is something that you can leverage for personal growth instead of seeing as a bad thing in your life. XO
Blow-ups happen. It doesn't make us a bad mom if our family has blow-ups. It indicates people care deeply for each other as well as for having their voice heard and their emotions acknowledged. There are 3 things that I've noticed help a lot in the recovery process: humor, saying "I hear you," and expressing how we truly feel about protecting and honoring the relationship.
Do you always strive for "balance" and think this is just what all moms do and it's a good thing to strive for? What if we decide that balance is not the goal? What if we decided that imbalance is a natural part of the way the world works? What if we just stop expending energy on trying to attain balance and ride the teeter-totter? All of these are options we can choose, if we want to. In this episode I introduce the idea that balance, like everything that we perceive, can be more in our control than we think it is, and it is the way we choose to think about it that will create our experience of it.
Be warned this is one of my rants this week. I touch on the way we think about illness in the brain vs. illness in other organs, and how we also think of maladaptive behavior in kids or adults as it relates to the brain. I leave you with a challenge to think a little bit differently than the way many people do, and regard the brain as the phenomenal organ that it is.
Triggers are simply an activation of a thought in our brain that creates an emotion that we want to take an action from. Knowing and understanding how the brain's motivation to protect us, help us avoid pain, and seek pleasure can help us interrupt triggers for ourselves and for our kids.
You do you, mama. If you have a system that works for you and your family and it reduces stress, awesome. If you do not, I offer the permission to let that be OK. My kids are living proof that despite a less-than-on-top-of-it mom, they figured it out. I share a suggestion of the clean slate frame, for introducing yourself and your kids to the new teacher this year and how that can start the relationship off on the right foot. Plus, a couple of behind-the-scenes at the Schilling house confessions that may give you some comic relief. :)
We each have expectations about the role being a mom plays in our lives. Some of us make being a mom our number one purpose but not every mom does, and I think that's OK, at any stage. We also can have a progression over time where our purpose and focus as a mom changes and evolves. No matter what stage or how difficult of a time you are going through, what really matters is what matters most to YOU. Being present with yourself, knowing yourself, telling the truth to yourself and asking that question of yourself is the key to living into who you really are, whether being a mom is the focus of your life or is more of an equal player with other aspects of your life. If you need permission to think about it this way, you've got it. #youdoyoumama
Reacting and responding to judgment is a natural protective measure our brains take to keep us included in social groups. We break judgment down a little more in this episode with examples I've learned from with kids acting out in public and also coached on with clients for interactions with colleagues and even marriage. We uncover what judgment is really about, and by taking it out of the scene we have a much cleaner space to work from.
Let's do this. I challenge you to give yourself grace this week. I'm doing it with you. We spend soooo much time and energy and thoughts and emotions on judging ourselves. What if we looked at ALL the things we are trying really hard at and give some grace? What if we consider the idea that this may be the most important thing we do this week? I'm trying it, and I hope you do too.
When we look at decisions as moms and the high-stakes we place on them and we look at the definition from the dictionary, we can see how the simplest definition is really just a choice, but there's also confidence and trustworthiness that we can decide to have up front, and this can be a super helpful way to think about decisions. I also share my best process for sleeping at night even with big decisions on my mind (and it doesn't even involve a pros/cons list).
There's generational imprinting happening that comes from our moms to us, and is carried from us to our kids, that has been going on since the beginning of time. In this episode I offer a few ways to think about this phenomena, as it relates to us and our identity and also in the way we want to apply it to our relationships with both our own moms and our kids.
Moms know what's best. We really do. We have everything we need already. We have our instincts, and we can listen to them and we can trust them. We can also drop into love and trust what feels right to us for any situation. We can trust ourselves do take the information we have at that moment and do our best to make the decision. In this episode I talk about how trusting ourselves can play out in a couple of different scenarios and how much of a relief it can be to know and trust ourselves as moms. Who better than you knows what is best for your family? No one.
Today I'm having a bad morning. I just had one of those moments when it felt like the world was conspiring against me. You know that feeling? It sucks. I just decided to jump on the mic and tell you my process for getting through it and how I hope to turn my day around (or not) and be OK with not being OK right now. If it helps you, let me know! Share, rate or review this episode so other moms can know that life does suck some days. And we get through. XO
We all have those moments of "This is not what I signed up for." We act so surprised when the unexpected happens and yet we know that this is part of a real life. Especially as our kids hit the teenage years and young adulthood, we may find that they make choices and decisions that we are surprised, disappointed, shocked, or confused about. It is all part of the process and their path to adulthood, and it's also all part of the process and our journey as parents. When we can accept and trust our kids to make their own decisions and have their own opinions, this preserves trust and creates healthier and closer relationships. Even as hard as it can be to let go and accept choices they make that we may disagree with or not fully understand, honoring everyone's feelings and loving each family member with unconditional love will go a long way in keeping close as a family. For moms who have a child identifying as LGBTQ and are processing through lots of emotions about that, this episode may be helpful.
This is just a short follow-up episode defining the terms neurodivergent and neurotypical as they relate to neurodiverse along with a brief review of my opinion on the value of focusing our attention on the beauty of diversity in humanity.
The term neurodiversity refers to brain differences as natural and normal, and not an indication of a deficit or abnormality. When describing autism, ADHD or other conditions of the brain, the term neurodiversity simply neurological uniqueness. I love this, and I find this way of talking about learning differences including conceptual learning, social skills, emotion regulation and behaviors to be aligned with my belief that the human brain is a dynamic and wondrous organ. The implications for defining and describing brain differences this way in terms of diversity and inclusion practices in education and the workplace are interesting to think about. Let's talk more about this topic - I think it has huge potential for changing the world in a positive way. In Part 2 we will go into the downside of using this term and define related terms such as neurotypical and neurodivergent.
Who is ready for a new narrative about moms being at capacity? Me too. In this episode I share how to rethink the idea that we are at capacity and stop feeding that monster so we can influence our families to change their concept of emotional capacity too, and we can share the load in a way that's completely new, different, and in my experience, way better.
We can drop the whole idea of a good mom and just agree that we are good moms. We can also admit that some days we are not at our best and maybe a truer way of describing our goodness or badness is just that we are all moms doing the best we can. Whether we believe others' assessments of our mom skills and talents or we believe our own self-evaluation, we cannot seem to get away from the mom report card. My suggestion in this episode is to decide what your top three most important values are as a mom and decide how you showed up or how you want to show with these big 3 in mind. Try out this new perspective and let me know how it works for you.
Seriously. We take things so serious sometimes. If you need some reasons to make time for having more fun, experiencing more joy, playing as much as working, and intentionally planning fun into your day, listen in. I don't have the research cited for the benefits of this but I have personal experience and upcoming fun events I share about too. ENJOY, literally.
If the greeting Happy Mothers' Day evokes any negative emotions for you, you are not alone. No need to feel guilty about this, first of all. Like most holidays we have mixed emotions that come from high expectations, predisposed ideas about what should or should not happen and long-standing customs from our families and culture. With our thoughts, some of us are creating in our minds an attachment to certain rules of engagement that we've just made up in our minds, or we are focusing on loss or what we think "should" be. This is standard operating procedure for our brains, but also completely optional for us to agree to. In this episode we talk about a way to decide instead ahead of time HOW WE DO WANT TO FEEL and what thoughts we want to think in order to feel that way on Mothers' Day or any day! IF Mother's Day is a day you dread, but you wish you didn't, this episode is especially for you.
We can get frustrated when we don't have the results we want in our life. We can then "blame" the circumstance and even feel resentful or entitled to a result, especially if we think we have tried and tried to create a change. What we can always do in these situations is "trust the model," and go back to take an honest look at the thoughts we have running in the background. Whether it's weight loss, a relationship, or another goal we are not getting the result we want yet, the key for creating positive change is intentionally practicing thoughts that create positive emotions so that we will then take positive actions to create our new result.
Validating another person's feelings is a kind and important way to help them to de-escalate when emotions are running high or intense, and it also shows empathy without necessarily agreeing with the other person. Putting a positive spin on a really difficult situation or telling a person to look on the bright side is often invalidating because this can seemingly minimize the person's experience. Self-validating our own emotions is sometimes overlooked especially for moms who are naturally concerned about others, and holding space for both another person's feelings as well as our own is also tricky, but possible with practice.
These are the last five of fifteen of my unedited, partial rants, on the 3-part series of what I'm affectionately calling real mom truths. I touch on unsolicited advice, the fact that one person can influence a relationship, behaviors from kids and our responses to it, and two hot topics, sex and money. Just your mom-next-door's take on what worked for us as a family doing real life. Enjoy this episode and please rate and review!
Part 2 of the Truths series. In this episode there are some 'truths' that are part confession and part another-way-to-think-about-this. The goal here, is, as always, to help any mom who judges herself or has goals that she's not reaching to feel supported and inspired to think about herself, her judgments, and her goals with a shift in perspective that helps her. We all are doing our best getting through each stage of momming, and sometimes we need to hear that other moms are going through the same progressions. Which of the 5 truths shared in this episode is the one that you relate most to?
Sometimes moms need some 'anchoring thoughts' or beliefs that we can pull up and remind ourselves in our low moments. Moms fight our inner critic mean girl thoughts a lot, the biggest ones being, "It's my fault," or "I'm a bad mom." These 5 Truths about blame, shame, facing reality, feeling our feelings and the concept of journeys, is a handy list to keep available and even write on post-its or keep in your notes app on your phone. As I write this summary I realize that there may be only 4 discussed in this episode (it's been a rough week, lol) and I plan to share a total of 15 anyway, so next episode we will catch up on 5 more. Here's the resource I mention at the beginning: 7 Ways to Feel Better No1w.
Having kids with neurodiversity can teach us lessons we would never get to learn otherwise. The human brain is beyond fascinating and it never stops astounding me as I look back and reflect and reminisce on each of my kids' unique journeys. In today's episode I share a few lessons my son taught me, and a story about basketball that isn't about basketball at all.
In this episode Jodi shares some lessons she learned from each of her three girls. Often our kids teach us more than we teach them. Jodi reflects on the unique personality traits that our kids have that often differ from our own and how we can appreciate these differences and apply the lessons to our lives. She also reminisces about listening to Taylor Swift with her daughters and shares the influence her music and one particular song, The Best Day has had on her as a mom. Enjoy this episode. If you think another mom would love this podcast, please share, rate and review!
One of our parenting decisions involves how we handle "bad words" as a family. Socially there are some general expectations about cussing and swearing and then there are our individual norms we follow. As a mom who started out trying to censor herself and her kids (and lost that battle pretty early on!) Jodi shares how her thoughts about swearing evolved over time. She also shares how she thnks of any behavior, cussing included, as a form of communication, expressing an emotion or an emotional need. With a confession of one of her self-awarded "worst mom moments," Jodi illustrates how to read between the lines of bad words for ourselves and others. This episode rounds out with a nod to handle cussing and swearing, just like anything else we do as moms, in the way that feels right to you.
This is the first episode with the change to The Good Mom podcast! Listen in Jodi shares the reason for the switch to The Good Mom, and how authenticity benefits everyone and creates healthier relationships. Jodi also shares a list of identifiers that this podcast will be most relatable for. If you spend time in your bathroom, you're on the list! Lastly Jodi shares an exercise you can do this week to help you uncover your deep-seated beliefs about what a good mom is. Next week: BAD words.
We are shifting our focus away from family crisis and more on what the real crisis is for many moms, which is our false belief about who we are, or our misidentified belief about our worth. For me, and many moms I know, we developed an idea that our emotions mattered less than others' and then we took it a step further to mean that we mattered less than others. One way some of us sought external approval in order to prove our worth was by people-pleasing or over-achieving (or both). Having a busy family gives us an easy excuse to continue these maladaptive patterns within our families. Listen in to this episode to learn how to become more aware of this pattern in our lives, and how we can be our real selves to connect more deeply with the people we love.
Siblings have their own special needs, as all kids do. In this episode we talk about how each individual family member has their own individual strengths and areas to grow and each also has their own way of responding to events. I share my top tips for supporting sibs, taking care of our own mental health as moms as it relates to our balancing act, and a little bit of equal air time for positive outcomes for siblings growing up in imperfect families.
Here's a fun little episode with a story with a moral to it. This short true story packs in the value of telling the truth to ourselves, recognizing when we want to feel better instead of just feeling what we feel, and also illustrates the concept of forced acceptance, which is really not acceptance at all.
In this episode we talk about our incredible God-given capacity as women to do all the things, especially if we are moms handling the really hard things! I also confess to my current added on struggle personally with menopause (more on that on another episode) and my long-held dream for holding retreats just for moms who secretly want to escape reality, if just for a weekend.
Moms trying to keep their emotions in check in those moments when the family's emotional intensity is really high or one of the kids are having a meltdown, this episode is for you. While we can get pretty good at holding it together and we think white-knuckling it is the way to keep the situation from escalating, actually there is a better way. I share three ways I think about emotions that helped me accept that feeling our feelings is healthier than suppressing them. Next, as for the thoughts that moms often think in the meltdown moments, I offer some alternatives that generate emotions of empathy and compassion, and even curiosity, which are so much more useful, and interrupt that escalation cycle. My final tip and tool shared is the Safety Plan. This template can be completed and kept on hand for families where safety issues come up. The thought "we have a plan for this," is one that brings a sense of calm and clear-thinking when we need it most.
Moms with teens or 20's in crisis are at the"This is my life now" moment. It feels like we did all the things we could and now here we are, at a place we never imagined we would be. This can be a breaking point or it can be our turning point. In this episode I share the concept that the real crisis is not what's happening with our family. The real crisis is the way we are handling what's happening with our family. The control factor is what turns crisis into confidence, and I show moms how to do this. Moms, Join the private Family Crisis FB Group here.
Our thoughts create our emotions. It sounds so simple and not that exciting but this is a HUGE concept that when applied to our daily lives is a game changer. On this episode I introduce this brilliant idea, share where I learned it (Brooke Castillo), and then we use it with a real life example to illustrate for you how simple but powerful this concept is. I also teach how it is first an awareness tool but also reveals predictable outcomes when used properly. Sign up for a free coaching session here and I will walk you through using this tool for any circumstance or struggle you are going through: https://calendly.com/reallifelifecoach/coaching-session
As moms with families in crisis, resolutions are pretty much the last thing on our minds. We don't have to be left out of choosing with intention though. A coaching tool I learned and teach to my clients is the keep, start, and stop method. Three things you get to choose. What do you want to keep doing in your life that is nurturing to you, moms? What is one new thing that you want to try? What's something you are doing that is not useful or helpful and you want to stop doing? Putting our brain to the task of choosing just one thing to keep doing, one new thing to start doing, and one little thing to stop doing gives us a better chance of choosing meaninful actions for our life. The most important part of all - trusting ourselves that we know what we want and giving ourselves permission to choose.
Knowing that our family's crisis has phases that have a progression, and that we have some control over the phases that come before and after any crisis can ease our minds a bit. In this episode, I show you how to recognize the characteristics of each of these phases and how to use your self-awareness so you do not get stuck in crisis-mode. As we often do on the podcast, we also identify what is in our control so we can focus our energy there, to show up as our best, in crisis mode or not.
Having a plan is a go-to mental strategy for moms with families in any type of crisis. We all know that we cannot access our best thinking in moments when emotions are running the show so making a plan ahead of time when we are able to tap into our calm and clear brain is the strategy here. We talk about making proactive family safety plans, emotional safety plans, and plans for creating joy or any desired emotion. Making a plan helps prepare us mentally, emotionally, and physically for the stuff we cannot control, which in our world is the best we can do.
Balancing conflicting needs among family members, honoring differing opinions and keeping traditons when it's possible requires a new approach. Listen in to hear the solution we came up with so we could feel safe and still be together for Christmas during the pandemic of 2020.
So many of us ask the question, "What do I do?" when the better question is, "What do I think about this?" or, "What do I feel?" In this episode, first we get the sequence down for thinking and feeling before taking action, and then we question the assumption that we don't know what to do. We consider that we have the answer, and that our situation may be happening the way it is supposed to. We end with an answer for most any problem or change that we want to achieve as moms with families in crisis.
The Formula is a thinking and feeling strategy I use for responding to intense interactions or verbal attacks that can escalate to a crisis. The two keys to this process are seeing the facts of the situation and also acknowledging the painful emotions for everyone involved. Facing facts and feeling our feelings are both necessary during real life scenarios when loved ones are acting out their emotions. This is especially true when family members may be trying to manage symptoms of mood disorders. Our best chance for supporting healthy emotional processing for everyone including us, is to recognize that when one of us is hurting we all are hurting. We can hold space and love everyone through the most difficult moments, and then we can decide from there what to do or say next. This 2-step formula can help diffuse the most upsetting interactions and lets us take care of us and the rest of the family at the same time. There may be more to do to repair and restore, but this brain hack is a good start.
Holiday celebrations can be tricky for moms who want everyone to get along, and that's in normal times. Add in some more stress with COVID recommendations for limiting gatherings and random plumbing repairs, and now we have choices for how to respond. Thinking about our family's identity - the characteristics that make our family "us," is a good start, including the good, bad and ugly. After that, letting family members do their thing, letting them be them, and choosing to enjoy everyone exactly as they are is the shift that makes loving the holidays and loving our loved ones so much easier.
In this episode we talk about how to get a sense of control back when we feel completely out of control. Part of being in a crisis moment is the decision point, when we decide to give in to panic or to find a way to not to. I share 4 ways to handle the out-of-control feeling, including turning into the skid, so you can feel, at least somewhat, back in control.
To start the podcast off I share the definition of crisis as a turning point and touch on a few of the many crises we have made it through. I tell you the key concepts that will help in any crisis and how moms especially interpret any threat to their family.