The Inside Social Work Podcast: Recent Episodes
Marie Vakakis
This podcast aims to inspire social workers to: Discover new areas of practice Gain insight into specialty areas and learn new skills How to combine different specialties Be motivated and inspired by hearing the stories of other social workers and not only hear about their successes but also hear about their struggles , challenges, and fears Learn about some of the different fields of social work, how to work with each other and what are some of the strengths and limitations of those areas advice about how to develop your clinical skills and some of the tools you can adapt to your work Give advice on books to read and other resources And importantly self-care advice and how to reduce burnout
https://insidesocialwork.com/
The five love languages have sold over 20 million copies and become one of the most widely used frameworks in pop psychology. Most couples have done the quiz. A lot of them have tried to apply it. In this episode, Marie talks about what the research actually found when the core claims were tested, where the framework falls short in practice, and what consistently shows up in the research as a far better predictor of relationship satisfaction.
Things Discussed
- The origins of the five love languages and why the book resonated with so many people
- Why the framework was based on pastoral counselling, not research
- What the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy found when it formally tested the core claims
- Why having the same primary love language as your partner doesn't predict relationship satisfaction
- The ways people misuse the love languages: as a compatibility test, a measuring stick, or a fixed diagnosis
- Why love language preferences shift with life stage, stress and having kids
- Responsiveness and bids for connection: what the research shows is a far better predictor of relationship satisfaction
- Love maps: understanding your partner's inner world, why most couples stop updating them after three to five years, and what that costs
- Practical steps: asking your partner what would make them feel loved right now, staying curious, keeping the conversation going
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
1:00 Why the five love languages resonated and what the book got right
2:15 The research gap: pastoral counselling versus evidence
3:00 The five categories and what the research found about shared love languages
4:30 What goes wrong: love languages as a compatibility test
6:00 Responsiveness and bids for connection
8:00 Love maps and staying updated on your partner's inner world
10:30 What to do instead
13:30 Relationship Reset and how to get support
Resources and Links
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Relationship Reset Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Keep the Conversation Going
forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Your partner gets defensive and suddenly the conversation you needed to have is completely buried. Now you’re defending yourself, they’re defending themselves, and whatever you actually needed to talk about is gone. This is one of the most common things I see in couples therapy, and in almost every case there’s more going on underneath the surface than it looks like from where you’re standing.
What this episode covers
- What defensiveness usually is: a reaction to how something was delivered, not just a personality trait
- Criticism vs contempt: the two Gottman concepts that predict relationship breakdown and how they trigger defensive responses
- How to tell the difference between attacking the person and describing your own experience
- The shopping trolley story: intention, impact and interpretation, and why couples fight about the wrong thing
- How past experiences, trauma and negative sentiment override shape the way your partner hears what you say
- Why some people are wired to hear an attack even when there isn’t one
- What to do when you see defensiveness coming, including the gentle startup
- Leading with curiosity instead of accusation
- How to ask your partner to rephrase something when it has landed wrong
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
2:00 Criticism and contempt: what Gottman research tells us
4:00 How you start the conversation changes everything
6:00 Intention, impact and interpretation
10:00 When interpretation becomes the story we tell ourselves
13:00 How past experiences and trauma shape defensive responses
17:00 What to do when your partner gets defensive
20:00 How to phrase things differently and ask for a rephrase
Resources and Links
- Conflict Workbook: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
- Relationship Reset course: https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
- Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub: https://thetherapyhub.com.au/marathon-couples-therapy/
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Grief is one of those feelings we don't talk about very well, even though every single one of us will live through it. In this solo episode I sit with grief in all its forms, from the loss we expect to the loss that knocks us sideways. I talk about what helped me, what I see in the therapy room, and the small practical things that actually make a difference when you're the one grieving or the one trying to support someone who is.
Things Discussed
- The many different types of grief, and why having language for them helps
- Anticipatory grief, and what it's like to slowly lose a grandparent to dementia
- The things people say with the best intentions that quietly make grief harder
- Why two people can lose the same person and grieve like strangers
- Grief bursts, and why a wave of sadness can arrive months or years later
- How to genuinely show up for someone instead of asking them to tell you what they need
- What to do when grief comes out as anger
- Why comparing whose loss is worse misses the point entirely
Timestamps
0:00 Why we don't talk about grief
0:30 The many types of grief
2:20 My first experiences of grief
5:30 Grief and love arrive together
9:30 What not to say to someone grieving
13:00 Practical grievers and feeling grievers
17:40 How to actually show up for someone
22:30 Anticipatory grief
Resources and Links
Inside Social Work: When a Client Dies by Suicide: Reflections for Mental Health Professionals
Work with a therapist
Question or topic suggestions: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question you'd like me to answer on the podcast, or a topic you'd like me to explore? Send it through here: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
You still like each other. You get along well. There's no crisis, nothing obviously broken. You've just stopped feeling in love the way you used to, and you're not sure whether you can get it back. That's the Ask Marie question this episode answers, and it comes up more often than almost anything else I hear in my consulting room.
What this episode covers
- Why what you're describing is extremely common and what the difference between drifting apart and falling out of love actually means
- The plant metaphor: why a relationship that doesn't get what it needs fails not because it wasn't resilient but because it wasn't tended
- Five signs you've drifted: patterns have become functional rather than romantic, conversation is mostly logistics, small moments of connection have disappeared, you're on autopilot, you're coexisting rather than connecting
- Why this happens, especially when children arrive, and why the relationship gets quietly deprioritised because it seems more stable than everything else demanding your attention
- The emotional piggy bank: why small consistent deposits build the buffer you need when hard times come, and why so many couples are in overdraft
- Bids for connection and the three ways we respond to them
- Why weekend getaways often make things worse and what actually works instead
- How to start the conversation using I statements that describe feelings rather than the other person's behaviour
- Why tone matters as much as words and how the same sentence can land completely differently depending on how it's delivered
- How to pick the right timing for a difficult conversation and stop setting each other up to fail
- The marathon session story: a couple who fell back in love after two days of deep conversation
- Small deposits to start today
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction and the Ask Marie question
2:30 Why drifting apart is different from falling out of love
5:30 Five signs you've drifted
15:00 Why it happens: parenting and deprioritising the relationship
20:00 What actually works
23:00 Bids for connection and the emotional piggy bank
27:00 How to start the conversation
32:00 Picking the right time
35:00 The marathon session story
Resources and Links
- Relationship Reset course
- Open-ended questions for couples
- Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub
Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question for Ask Marie? Send it through: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Instagram: @marievakakis
Website: marievakakis.com.au
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
You're spending time together. Dinners, dog walks, evenings on the couch. Nobody's fighting, nothing is obviously broken. Something feels completely off and you can't quite point to it. In this episode I walk through seven signs your partner might be emotionally checked out, even when everything looks fine from the outside.
What this episode covers
- Sign 1: Questions that became routine rather than curious, and why knowing what's happening in your partner's life makes you better at asking the follow-up
- Sign 2: Physical affection quietly dropping, not just sex but the small everyday moments of touch, and why this can happen so slowly that hugging each other starts to feel slightly foreign
- Sign 3: Managing each other instead of talking, when the relationship starts to run like a workplace, and why that efficiency is a warning sign rather than a sign of maturity
- Sign 4: The phone as a barrier and an escape, what it signals when someone reaches for their device in uncomfortable moments, and the case for tech-free time together
- Sign 5: They stop mentioning the things that bother them, why silence in a relationship isn't always peace, and what it actually means when someone stops trying to bring things up
- Sign 6: They stop showing up for the moments that matter, from milestones and anniversaries to tough days, and how what counts as showing up changes over time
- Sign 7: No more future talk, why planning together is one of the clearest signals of investment, and what it means when those conversations fall off the radar
- Why this usually develops: missed bids for connection, fights that end in stonewalling without repair, and a slow accumulation of unresolved things
- How to start the conversation without putting your partner on the defensive
- When to get outside support and what that might look like
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
1:30 Sign 1: Questions that became routine
5:30 Sign 2: Physical affection drops
8:00 Sign 3: Managing each other not talking
9:30 Sign 4: The phone
13:30 Sign 5: They stop sharing what bothers them
16:00 Sign 6: They stop showing up for big moments
19:00 Sign 7: No more future talk
20:30 Why it develops and how to start the conversation
Resources and Links
- Relationship Reset course: marievakakis.com.au
- Free Conflict Workbook: marievakakis.com.au
- Connected Teens parenting course
- Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub: thetherapyhub.com.au
- Connected Teen: marievakakis.com.au
Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Instagram: @marievakakis
Website: marievakakis.com.au
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Feeling lonely in a relationship even a good one? This is one of the most common things I hear in therapy, and one of the hardest feelings to name.
You're in a relationship with someone you love. Nothing dramatic is wrong, there's no big fight, no obvious reason and most of the time you feel lonely. That's the Ask Marie question this episode answers, and it's one of the most common things I hear across both individual and couples therapy. In this episode I talk about what relational loneliness actually is, how it develops, why it's so hard to name, and what to do with it.
What this episode covers
- What it means to feel lonely in the presence of someone who loves you, and why it's more common than most people feel permitted to say out loud
- The difference between being alone and feeling lonely, and why relational loneliness is often more painful
- How loneliness in a relationship develops gradually through small missed moments of connection rather than one dramatic event
- The Gottman concepts of turning towards and turning away, and how missed bids for connection accumulate over time
- How conflict style contributes to loneliness: when sharing something doesn't land well, we quietly stop sharing
- Why this feeling is so hard to name: guilt, fear of seeming ungrateful, and not feeling entitled to the emotion
- The headache metaphor: loneliness as a symptom that signals something underneath needs attention
- How to start the conversation with your partner without it turning into a fight
- What to do when every attempt to raise it gets shut down
- Why loneliness in a relationship is information, not a verdict
Timestamps
4:00 What relational loneliness actually is
12:30 Conflict style and disconnection
22:00 How to start the conversation
28:00 When to get outside support
30:00 Loneliness is information, not a verdict
Resources and Links
- Relationship Reset course: This is where to start if this episode resonated.
- Free Conflict Workbook
- Related episode: Drifting Apart in a Relationship
- Related episode: Bids for connection
Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Instagram: @marievakakis
Website: marievakakis.com.au
You've probably received the same relationship advice everyone gets. Never go to bed angry. Just communicate more. Send them the link. Some of it sounds reasonable and most of it gets misapplied in ways that create more problems than they solve. Monica Tanner is a Relational Life Therapy certified relationship coach, podcast host and author of the Amazon bestselling book Bad Marriage Advice, and she joins me to talk about what couples have been taught that isn't actually helping them, and what works instead.
What this episode covers
- Why never going to bed angry is one of the most misunderstood pieces of relationship advice and what it was actually meant to mean
- The HALTS acronym and why timing matters more than most couples realise when trying to work through conflict
- Monica's thought download exercise: how to separate what's actually happened from the story you're telling yourself about it
- Why an outsized reaction from your partner is almost never about what's happening right in front of you
- What Relational Life Therapy is and how the three phase approach works with couples
- The wise adult versus the adaptive child and what bringing yourself back online actually looks like in a heated moment
- Why understanding your partner doesn't mean agreeing with them
- How to share something you've learned with your partner without it turning into another argument
- What to do when one partner is unhappy and the other thinks everything is fine
- Monica's through line: if advice dampens communication, it's bad advice
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
1:00 How Bad Marriage Advice came about
2:30 Never go to bed angry: what it actually means
5:00 Monica's personal experience and what changed
7:30 HALTS and responsible distance taking
9:00 The thought download exercise
12:00 Empathy for deeply ingrained beliefs 13:00 What Relational Life Therapy is
15:30 How Monica and her husband navigate things now
17:00 If it's hysterical it's historical
18:00 Understanding does not equal agreement
19:30 Being curious without being condescending
20:00 Walking on eggshells and when to get help
21:30 How to introduce this to your partner without it backfiring
24:00 Sending 30 reels and what it really means
27:00 When one partner wants to work on things and the other doesn't
30:00 Why going to therapy alone can still shift a dynamic
Resources and Links
Monica Tanner's website: monicatanner.com Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast: monicatanner.com Bad Marriage Advice by Monica Tanner: available on Amazon Relationship Reset course: marievakakis.com.au
Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Instagram: @marievakakis Website: marievakakis.com.au
Monica Tanner is a Relational Life Therapy certified relationship coach, podcast host of Secrets of Happily Ever After and author of Bad Marriage Advice. Find her at monicatanner.com.
website: https://monicatanner.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/monitalksmarriage
Youtube: https://youtube.com/@secretsofhappilyeverafter
If you've ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it, apologised for something that wasn't your fault, or changed your opinion halfway through a conversation just to keep the peace, this episode is for you. The fawn response is one of the least understood nervous system patterns and one of the most invisible. It looks like being easygoing, warm and accommodating. From the outside it can be indistinguishable from kindness. The cost of it is paid quietly, and over time.
What this episode covers
- What the fawn response is and how it sits alongside fight, flight and freeze as a distinct nervous system pattern
- The research behind it including Pete Walker's clinical work and what polyvagal theory adds to our understanding
- How fawning shows up day to day: constant apologising, abandoning your opinions mid-conversation, shape shifting between social groups, and checking behaviours in relationships
- Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person and how it gets culturally rewarded, particularly for women
- Where the fawn response comes from and why it almost always starts in childhood
- What fawning is actually costing you: chronic low-level resentment, disconnection, and a gradual loss of your own sense of self and preferences
- The difference between fawning and genuine kindness, and the body test that tells you which one you're doing
- Whether fawning is always a trauma response
- What to actually do about it, starting with low-stakes moments and one phrase that changes everything
- Whether the fawn response goes away once you recognise it
Timestamps
0:00 Introduction
1:00 What the fawn response is and where the research comes from
3:00 Fight, flight, freeze and fawn explained
4:30 How fawning shows up in everyday life
10:00 Why fawning gets mistaken for being a good person
12:00 Where the fawn response comes from
16:00 Why fawning rather than fight or flight
19:00 What it's actually costing you
22:00 How fawning creates distance not closeness
23:00 What to actually do about it
26:00 Low-stakes practice
30:00 When to seek support
31:00 Q&A: Is fawning the same as people pleasing?
32:00 Q&A: Is fawning always a trauma response?
33:00 Q&A: How do I know if I'm fawning or just being nice?
35:00 Q&A: Can fawning develop in adulthood?
36:30 Q&A: Does fawning go away once you recognise it?
Keep the Conversation Going
Got a question or something this episode stirred up? Send it through and it might become an Ask Marie episode: forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9
Instagram: @marievakakis
Website: marievakakis.com.au
Most couples have had the same money argument dozens of times without ever having the real conversation underneath it. Research shows that 58% of Australian couples report finances as a major source of conflict, and a study of over 5,500 couples found the pattern of the conversation predicted the outcome, not the financial situation.
This episode covers:
- Why money fights are almost never about the money
- The money stories we carry from childhood and how they shape every conversation about finances
- How money becomes about power, identity and influence in a relationship
- The gendered lens we bring to money conversations and why it matters
- Questions to ask your partner to open the conversation rather than shut it down
- Why curiosity before problem solving is the thing that actually changes things
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
- https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
- https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
- https://marievakakis.com.au/
- https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
- https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Sex and disability. Two words most people still find uncomfortable in the same sentence. I sat down with sexologist Casey Payne to talk about what we get wrong, why pleasure belongs to everyone regardless of how their body works, and what it actually looks like to reclaim intimacy after disability, illness, or a body that's changed.
Things Discussed
- Why disability and sexuality are both taboo and what happens when you put them together
- Redefining sex beyond intercourse and why that matters for anyone whose body has changed
- The orgasm gap and why around 90 per cent of women can't orgasm through penetration alone
- How carers and parents can support sexual autonomy without having every conversation themselves
- Practical ways to start reclaiming pleasure after illness, injury, or chronic health conditions
- How to find a sexologist in Australia and what to expect
Chapter Timestamps
- [00:00] Sex and disability: why this conversation matters
- [03:00] Redefining what sex actually is
- [06:30] Body image and who sex is for
- [09:00] The orgasm gap and sex toys as tools
- [13:00] Carers, parents and adult sexuality
- [18:30] How sex education lowers abuse risk
- [22:00] Reclaiming sexuality after disability
- [26:00] Starting with pleasure, not sex
- [28:00] What sex education should look like
- [29:30] How to find a sexologist in Australia
Resources and Links
- The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, includes a workbook
- The Orgasm Gap by Karen Gurney
- Sex Education on Netflix, seasons 1 and 2 recommended
- Society of Australian Sexologists: sexologist.org.au
- Pleasure Pixel professional development course for support workers: pleasurepixel.com.au
- Free resource on getting comfortable talking about sex: marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sex
Keep the Conversation Going
- Download the free resource at marievakakis.com.au/time-to-get-comfortable-talking-about-sex
- Got a question about sex, intimacy, or relationships? Submit it at forms.gle/ExJAeBTXAfn8xGkQ9 and it might feature in a future Ask Marie episode.
- If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need it. A rating on Apple Podcasts helps more people find the show.
Guest Information
Casey Payne is a sexologist specialising in sexual health, disability, and intimacy, with a professional development course for support workers and other resources for adults at pleasurepixel.com.au.
About the Show
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marievakakis/
https://www.youtube.com/@marievakakis
facebook.com/marievakakisconsulting
The ick in dating, it’s that moment where someone does something completely normal, and your whole body just shuts down. A 2025 study found that 64% of people have felt it, and about a quarter ended the relationship because of it. It is a real psychological phenomenon, and it might be telling you more about yourself than the person across the table.
This episode covers:
- What the ick actually is and why it happens
- Red flags versus superficial triggers
- How shame, projection and avoidant attachment show up as the ick
- Whether we are being too picky in the wrong ways and not picky enough in the right ones
- What to do when the ick shows up in your relationship
Resources:
If you want to move from reacting to reflecting, download my Conflict & Connection Guide to help you navigate those moments of disconnect.
https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-things-women-do-ick_l_65fdc42fe4b087dad305664b
Have you ever had a reaction to your partner that felt huge?
Like a ten out of ten response to something small?
You are crying over coffee.
They are confused.
You are both thinking, what just happened?
It makes sense that this feels confusing. Most couples are not fighting about the present moment. They are reacting from something older.
In this episode, I explore how your wounded child shows up in adult relationships, why conflict can feel bigger than the situation and how attachment patterns keep couples stuck in the same loop.
This is not about blame. It is about understanding the pattern.
In this episode I cover:• Why small arguments turn into big emotional reactions
• How childhood needs for safety, soothing and validation shape adult conflict
• What anxious and avoidant attachment can look like in a fight
• Why you get louder and they shut down
• What secure conflict actually feels like
• Practical steps to pause, name your needs and respond rather than react
You are not broken for reacting strongly. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that. Often, if it feels hysterical, it is historical.
The goal is not to erase your wounds. The goal is to make sure they are not driving your adult intimacy.
Resources:
If you want more support, download the Conflict Guide and start noticing your patterns with compassion and clarity.
https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it.
Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over.
In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle.
In this episode you will learn:
• Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over
• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other
• What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict
• Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other
• The difference between taking a break and stonewalling
• How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments
• Practical scripts to help repair after conflict
• Why repair is more important than getting it right
Resources mentioned:
- Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
- Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
- Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub
If this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation.
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
- https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
- https://marievakakis.com.au/
- https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside.
In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other.
What we cover
- The conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnection
- What to talk about before starting study or changing routines
- Why money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them together
- How to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of you
- Expectations around parenting, roles and who does what
- How fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentment
Mentioned in this episode
- Relationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)
- Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter Guide
- Therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Sharing good news with your partner should feel connecting. Yet for many people, moments of success can quickly turn into hurt or tension when the response feels flat, awkward, or dismissive.
In this episode, I respond to a listener question about getting a promotion and feeling unsupported by their partner. I unpack three common reasons this happens and what is often going on underneath the surface.
This is not about someone being uncaring or selfish. It is about different emotional languages, family histories, and unspoken fears colliding in the same moment.
What this episode explores
- Why celebrations matter differently to different people
- How family culture shapes responses to success
- Why promotions can trigger shame, fear, or disconnection
- How money and identity influence reactions
- What to say when a moment goes wrong and how to slow the conversation down
When good news turns into conflict, it is rarely about the achievement itself. It is about meaning, expectations, and what has not yet been said.
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Why won’t my partner communicate with me
It’s one of the most common questions I hear in the therapy room and it’s usually coming from someone who feels shut out, unheard or like they’re carrying the emotional load on their own.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I’ll share what’s often really going on when communication feels blocked, when you keep fighting or arguing. Because most of the time, it’s not about a lack of words. It’s about emotional safety, overwhelm and patterns that quietly shut conversations down.
I talk about emotional flooding, the communication patterns that make things worse instead of better, and how the way conversations start can set them up to fail before they even begin. I also explore how what we learned about conflict growing up still shapes how we show up in our relationships today.
You’ll also hear practical questions you can ask that invite reflection instead of defensiveness, and small shifts that can help you feel more connected without escalating into another fight.
In this episode, we explore
- Why communication problems are rarely just about talking
- Emotional flooding and shutdown and why it feels impossible to stay present
- The Gottman Four Horsemen and how they show up in everyday conversations
- How criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling block connection
- Why timing and tone matter more than being right
- How family of origin shapes your comfort with conflict
- Questions that help you understand each other instead of escalating
If you’ve ever thought we just don’t communicate anymore, this episode is for you.
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Do you want to feel closer to your partner, but feel unsure how to bring it up?
Many couples care deeply about each other and still drift apart. Life gets busy. Conversations become practical. Emotional connection fades quietly. Not because people stop trying, but because the harder conversations get avoided.
In this episode, I talk about why relationships drift even when there is love and good intention. I explore why low conflict is often mistaken for connection, and why avoiding check ins can slowly create distance.
I also share three simple questions I use with couples that help change the tone of conversations. These questions focus on understanding rather than blame and can be used straight away.
If you are feeling disconnected and do not know where to start, this episode offers a calm and practical place to begin.
In this episode1. Why couples drift without realising it 2. Why love alone is not enough to stay connected 3. How avoidance shows up in well intentioned relationships 4. Three questions that help couples check in and reconnect
ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026
https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Have you ever found yourself thinking my partner is not the same person I fell in love with.
Maybe you still care deeply but something feels off.
Conversations go in circles.
You keep fighting about the same things
Or you feel lonely even though you are still together.
This is a pattern I see often in my work as a couples therapist. Most couples want the same things. Connection. Safety. Feeling valued. Where they get stuck is in how they try to get there.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I walk you through five common patterns that show up when couples feel disconnected over time.
This is not about fixing your partner. It is about understanding what is actually happening underneath the surface when two people who care start missing each other.
Feeling disconnected does not automatically mean you have outgrown each other or chosen the wrong person. Often it means the relationship has not been updated to match how life and people have changed.
In this episode, I share the 5 common mistakes I see people make.
• Why relationships can feel harder as life gets fuller
• How unmet expectations quietly create distance
• What happens when both people are trying but still missing each other
• Why assuming they should just know leads to resentment
• How criticism and contempt creep in without you noticing
If you are feeling stuck, confused, or wondering what happened to the closeness you once had, you are not alone in this. Some of this is uncomfortable and that is okay.
Understanding the pattern is often the first step towards repair.
Tired of going round in circles with your partner?
Relationship Refresh is a practical couples program that helps you stop the blame game, communicate better and feel like a team again.
👉 marievakakis.com.au/for-couples
If things feel more stuck and you need deeper support, you can book an Intensive Couples Therapy session with me through The Therapy Hub
👉 thetherapyhub.com.au
Struggling to talk about sex, desire or intimacy without it getting weird or shutting down?
Download my free guide How to talk about sex, desire and connection: https://mailchi.mp/marievakakis/a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Anxiety can feel confusing and overwhelming, especially when your brain reacts faster than you can make sense of it. In this episode, I talk with Dr Jodi Richardson about the difference between everyday stress, overwhelming worry and anxiety that needs more support.
We explore why anxiety shows up in the body, why discomfort often feels unsafe and how childhood patterns can affect the way we manage emotions as adults. Jodi shares practical, compassionate ways to understand your anxiety and feel more grounded when your mind starts spiralling.
In this episode we cover:
• The difference between stress, overwhelm and anxiety
• Why anxiety activates the stress response
• How childhood emotional patterns shape anxiety
• Why discomfort often feels dangerous
• What helps when anxiety feels big
• How to support someone with anxiety without fixing
• When to seek professional help
Your brain is not broken. It is responding to something that feels uncertain or overwhelming, and you can support it in ways that actually work.
Connect with Dr Jodi Richardson:
https://drjodirichardson.com.au/
Resources:
📕Daily Stoic
Well Hello Anxiety Podcast
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Breakups can be hard on all of us, they can shake our sense of self in ways we don't expect. For men, the emotional impact is not something that's often spoken about. They’re taught to suck it up and get on with it.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Michael Wilson, a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention to talk about why men often struggle silently during breakups and how society’s ideas about masculinity shape the way they cope.
We explore how shame, identity loss and isolation can build after a relationship ends, and why many men do not seek help until they reach a crisis point. There is another way to move through it. Understanding, connection and emotional honesty can help men rebuild their sense of self with more clarity and confidence.
In this conversation, we talk about
• Why breakups can shake men’s identity
• How conditioning around masculinity affects emotional expression
• The role shame plays in silence
• What men wish they could say but feel they cannot
• How to support men without jumping into solutions
• Ways to rebuild confidence after a relationship ends
If you are working through a breakup or navigating a season of change, you do not have to do it alone.
Connect with Michael Wilson:
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-wilson-4b2090164/
Michael Wilson is a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, based with Orygen at the University of Melbourne.
Since 2018, Michael has published and presented research both nationally and internationally across a range of subjects, including healthy masculinities and mental health in young men, improving training for mental health practitioners around engaging and responding to help-seeking men, and understanding risk and protective factors associated with suicidal thoughts and behaviours in men.
His research currently focuses on men's mental health and suicide risk in the context of intimate partner relationship breakdown.
Resources:
- Main paper: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2026-40673-001.html
- Other research: https://scholar.google.com.au/citations?hl=en&user=avSkawsAAAAJ&view_op=list_works&authuser=1&sortby=pubdate
- Mental Health Academy course on understanding men's suicide risk post breakup: https://www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au/catalogue/courses/breaking-up-breaking-down-understanding-and-addressing-mens-suicide-risk-in-the-context-of-intimate-relationship-breakdown
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
People often imagine that parenthood clicks into place the moment a baby arrives. For many, the emotional changes, the exhaustion and the adjustment to a new sense of self are far more complex than expected.
In this episode, I speak with Accredited Mental Health Social Worker Bronte Taylor about what it really feels like to lose and rebuild parts of yourself after becoming a parent.
We talk about how motherhood can bring joy and pride while also bringing grief, disorientation and a sense of invisibility. Bronte shares her own experience, the concept of matrescence, and why mums often feel guilty when they try to meet their own needs.
We explore:
- What matrescence is and why more people need to know about it
- Why motherhood can shake your sense of identity
- How childhood and family patterns show up in parenting
- Why mums struggle to put themselves first
- How to start setting boundaries without drowning in guilt
- The power of being seen, heard and validated instead of being fixed
Connect with Bronte
- Instagram: @bronte_heartfelttherapy
- Centre Self Collective
- Heartfelt Therapy
Resources mentioned
- If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie
- Dr Sophie Brock’s Motherhood Studies
- Motherkind Book by Zoe Blaskey
- https://www.heartfelttherapy.com.au/
- https://centreself.com.au/
- Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood Book by Lucy Jones
- https://self-compassion.org/
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
ADHD is often misunderstood, especially in therapy. In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with ADHD coach Ron Souers about what happens when therapy meets the realities of living with ADHD.
We explore what it means to understand ADHD beyond the label, how it impacts emotions, relationships, and self-worth, and why self-compassion and curiosity make all the difference.
You’ll hear about:
- The emotional side of ADHD (and how grief can show up after diagnosis)
- Common misconceptions in therapy and how to address them
- The importance of validation, empathy, and communication
- How to support emotional regulation and connection
- Why therapy needs to focus on skills, not just medication
Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
Resources:
Listen to previous ADHD episode:
Turning ADHD Struggles into Strengths: How understanding your ADHD brain and practicing self-compassion can help you thrive.
Connect with Ron Souers:
Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD Podcast
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
ADHD can bring creativity, energy, and passion, but it can also make everyday life feel chaotic or overwhelming.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with Ron Souers, ADHD coach and host of Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD. We explore how understanding your ADHD brain can turn struggle into strength, and how self-compassion plays a huge role in that process.
You’ll hear about:
- Why ADHD is more than distraction or forgetfulness
- The emotional side of ADHD (and why self-blame makes it worse)
- What happens when we stop trying to “fix” ourselves
- Practical ways to work with your brain, not against it
- How support, structure, and self-understanding build confidence
Whether you’ve been recently diagnosed or you’ve always suspected your brain works a bit differently, this episode will help you feel seen, supported, and hopeful.
Resources:
- Ron Souers –https://dadhdwss.com/
- Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD podcast
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
We all like to think of ourselves as grown-ups, but what does it really mean to grow yourself up? And how does that shape every relationship you have at home, at work, and with the people you love most?
In this encore episode, I’m joined by Dr Jenny Brown, author of Growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships. We explore what maturity actually looks like in practice, why we can’t change others without first managing ourselves, and how family patterns shape the way we love, work, and connect.
You’ll hear about:
- The difference between genuine maturity and “borrowed” maturity
- How family systems influence the way we manage stress and relationships
- What self-differentiation really means (and why it’s so important)
- Why emotional independence isn’t the same as disconnection
- How to stay calm and connected during family stress
- Why growing up is a lifelong process, not something we finish in adulthood
If you’ve ever found yourself reacting to your family dynamics or wondering why certain patterns keep repeating, this conversation will help you see yourself and your relationships in a whole new way.
Learn more about Dr Jenny Brown: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/
Resources:
Previous conversation: Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships: A Conversation with Jenny Brown
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Does it ever feel like your teenager just doesn’t hear you?
You remind them about chores, offer advice, try to connect and all you get back is silence, an eye roll, or a quick “whatever.”
In this encore episode, I unpack one of the biggest frustrations parents face: why teens seem to tune parents out and what’s really going on beneath the surface.
You’ll hear about:
- Why advice often makes teens shut down
- How to shift from “fixing” to listening
- Why chores and constant reminders can backfire
- What brain changes make teens focus on peers over parents
- How to respond in ways that build connection, not conflict
If your teen feels like they’ve stopped listening, this episode will help you understand why. and what small changes can help rebuild your connection.
Listen now and find practical ways to reconnect with your teen.
Resources:
Explore my Connected Teens Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
As kids grow into teens, they start to need more independence, and for many parents, that shift can feel like rejection. When your child pulls away, stops talking, or wants less of you, it’s easy to take it personally.
In this encore episode of This Complex Life, I unpack why this happens, what it means for your relationship, and how you can respond in ways that protect connection instead of widening the gap.
We’ll explore:
- Why parents often feel rejected as their children grow up
- What’s actually happening when teens pull away
- The shift from being your child’s “manager” to their “consultant”
- How to stay connected without guilt or control
- What healthy boundaries look like during this stage
- How to model accountability and repair after conflict
Listen now and learn how to stay close, even when your teen seems far away.
Resources:
Part of this conversation: https://marievakakis.com.au/the-psychology-of-rejection-and-what-to-do-about-it/
Learn more about Connected Teens™, an on-demand program to help you rebuild communication and strengthen connection: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
Rejection stings, whether it’s a friend pulling away, not getting the job, being ghosted, or a partner feeling distant. Our brains don’t like ambiguity, so they fill in the blanks with painful stories about not being good enough, smart enough, or lovable.
In this encore episode, I explore:
- Why rejection hurts so much and how it’s linked to survival wiring
- The ways we often respond, withdrawing, lashing out, or people pleasing
- How our brains make up unhelpful stories when we don’t have answers
- Practical tools from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- The role of mindfulness, values, and diffusion in managing rejection
- Why self-compassion and support are essential in moving forward
Part one focuses on understanding rejection and building strategies to cope. In part two, I’ll explore rejection in parenting, especially as teens start to need more independence.
Resources:
The Future of Friendships: Are We Getting Lonelier?
Connected Teens :
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie :
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast:
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Mentioned in this episode:
Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Resethttps://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
It can feel heartbreaking when your teenager pulls away, shows little interest in your life, or seems dismissive of family connections. This is a common experience for many parents, and while it can feel personal, it’s often just part of healthy adolescent development.
In this episode, I talk through what’s happening for teens at this stage, and what parents can do to stay connected without pushing their kids further away.
You’ll hear about:
- Why teenagers turn toward peers and away from parents
- How to avoid taking their changes personally
- Moving from “manager” to “consultant” in your parenting role
- Why empathy is key (even when you disagree)
- The problem with angry pursuit and guilt-driven connection
- How to invite closeness without criticism
- Practical ideas for spending meaningful time together
- Why listening and curiosity matter more than fixing
This episode is all about finding ways to feel connected, even when your teen seems uninterested in you.
Resources:
- Submit a question for a future episode: https://forms.gle/6GJsNv9MeppUvw5j8
- Connected Teens Program: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
- Grab my free ebook https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Have you ever had a reaction that felt bigger than the situation? Maybe your partner forgot something small, and suddenly you felt worthless. These moments often have roots in our past.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Tamera Broughton to talk about how our unmet childhood needs show up in adult life, relationships, and emotional reactions. We explore how trauma is more than big, obvious events, it can also be the quiet absence of attunement, delight, or safety when we need it most.
Together, we unpack how to recognise when old wounds are being triggered, what healing can look like through therapies like EMDR, and why making the “invisible visible” is key to moving forward.
Key Takeaways:
- Trauma isn’t just what happened to you, it’s also what was missing.
- Disproportionate reactions often signal old pain, not just present triggers.
- Unmet emotional needs can create shaky “scaffolding” that affects self-worth and relationships.
- Healing involves strengthening internal resources as well as processing past pain.
- EMDR therapy can help shift old beliefs (“I’m not enough”) into healthier, adaptive ones.
- Noticing patterns and reactions is the first step toward change.
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or loved one who’s curious about the impact of childhood experiences on adult life.
Resources:
- Tamera’s website: https://centreself.com.au/clinicians-item/tamera-broughton-n/
- What Happened to You? by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
- What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Friendships are some of the most important relationships we have, but they’re also one of the easiest to neglect. In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m joined by Steph Clarke, futurist, facilitator, and author of How to Friend, to explore whether we’re really facing a loneliness epidemic, how friendships evolve as we age, and why maintaining meaningful connections takes intention.
We talk about:
• Why friendships can feel harder to maintain in adulthood
• How technology shapes connection and disconnection
• Overcoming fear of rejection and ‘cringe culture’
• The importance of making time for low-stakes hangouts
• Why conflict and repair are part of healthy friendships
• Simple ways to nurture friendships in everyday life
Steph works with leaders to anticipate change and challenge the status quo, and she brings that lens to personal connection, offering practical advice for building meaningful friendships in a fast-paced, digital world.
Listen now and start small; a simple message or quick call could mean more than you think.
Resources:
• How to Friend by Steph Clarke
• 28 Thursdays
• Join the This Complex Life Newsletter
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Affairs can devastate a relationship, leaving couples questioning everything they thought they knew about each other. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with couples therapist Andrea Dindinger to talk about healing after betrayal, the slow process of rebuilding trust, and the courage it takes to move forward.
We unpack why affairs happen, what betrayal does to relationships, and how couples can recover together or separately with intention and care.
What you'll learn in this episode:
- Why betrayal can feel so destabilising and isolating
- How couples can start rebuilding trust after an affair
- Signs a relationship can heal versus when it’s time to walk away
- The importance of self-reflection and understanding attachment needs
- How therapists support couples in high-conflict or post-betrayal recovery
- Why healing isn’t about quick fixes but consistent emotional work
Healing after betrayal takes time, courage, and a lot of honest conversations. Whether you’re the one who’s been hurt or the one seeking forgiveness, there’s a path forward if both partners are willing to do the work. Tune in for this compassionate and practical discussion, and share it with someone who may need hope and guidance.
Connect with Andrea Dindinger:
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist & Relationship Coach
Andrea Dindinger is a San Francisco-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years’ experience helping people create meaningful, fulfilling intimate relationships.
https://www.andreadindinger.com/
https://enroll.andreadindinger.com/relationship-reboot-course
Resources:
- The Therapy Hub
- Andrea Dindinger’s website
- Book: After the Affair by Janis A. Spring
- Esther Perels: The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity
- Emily Nagoski's Come as You Are and Come Together
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Therapy is often described as a safe and healing space, but that’s not always the reality. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Carrie Wiita, adjunct professor, consultant, and creator of Interpersonal Branding, to explore what bad therapy can teach us about being better therapists and more empowered clients.
We talked about what happens when therapy misses the mark, why repair skills are crucial, and how both therapists and clients can work together to build a safe, supportive relationship.
Whether you’re a therapist wanting to grow your skills or someone navigating therapy, this conversation highlights why honesty, transparency, and fit are at the heart of meaningful therapeutic work.
We explore:
• How defensiveness can damage the client–therapist relationship
• Why rupture and repair is one of the most important therapeutic skills
• The role of client expectations in therapy outcomes
• How deliberate practice builds confidence and skill
• Why talking about therapy’s side effects matters
• How marketing and branding can help clients find the right fit
• Practical advice for clients to ask the right questions
• Why mistakes in therapy are inevitable but repair is possible
Resources:
• Santio Counselling Centre
• Inside Social Work Podcast
• Get Ready for Therapy Guide
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
When suicide is mentioned, the room often goes quiet. The heaviness of the topic shows how much fear and stigma surround it, but also how important it is to talk about.
In this solo episode of This Complex Life, I explore the silence around suicide, why the subject feels so confronting, and the impact it has not only on families and communities but also on practitioners who sit with these stories.
You’ll hear about:
• Why suicide is such a difficult conversation to have
• The ripple effect on families, friends, partners, children and communities
• The complicated grief that follows suicide and how it is carried
• Myths and misconceptions that keep people from asking directly
• The importance of clear, direct language when you are worried about someone
• The impact of suicide work on practitioners and the need for support
• Why connection and follow-up matter more than perfect words
Episode discussed
https://marievakakis.com.au/when-a-client-dies-by-suicide-reflections-for-mental-health-professionals/
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support. Lifeline 13 11 14, Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467, Beyond Blue 1300 224 636, Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800.
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Lessons learned from Very Bad Therapy. The Very Bad Therapy podcast has changed the way I think about therapy and the stories we do and do not tell. This episode is a replay from Inside Social Work with hosts Ben and Carrie.
I loved this podcast and I learned so much from listening to it. It speaks to both therapists and non therapists, and it fits perfectly with the theme of This Complex Life. Therapy is difficult, messy, and complicated.
I had the absolute pleasure of interviewing the hosts of the Very Bad Therapy Podcast, Ben and Carrie. We explore what therapists get wrong, how bad therapy can look different for every client, and why people so often blame themselves when therapy does not help. Ben and Carrie share what they have learned from hundreds of client stories and how those stories have changed the way they practise. We also talk about the side effects of therapy, what to do with feelings of defensiveness or imposter syndrome, the importance of asking about expectations in the first session, and how to repair when ruptures happen.
Key Takeaways• Bad therapy cannot be reduced to a checklist. It depends on the individual client experience
• Many clients internalise bad therapy and believe they are at fault
• Therapy can have side effects and sometimes people feel worse afterwards
• Mistakes will happen. Repair and humility matter more than perfection
• Asking about expectations is just as important as setting goals
• Therapists will feel defensive. The work is to notice it and respond with openness
• Deliberate practice builds skills by focusing on one area at a time
• Administrative details like fees, scheduling, and emails are part of the relationship and need care
ResourcesVery Bad Therapy podcast with Ben Feinman and Carrie Wiita
Modern Therapist Survival Guide with Kurt and Katie
Sentio Counselling Centre in California
Learn Psychotherapy podcast with Ben and Carrie
Inside Social Work with Marie Vakakis
If this episode resonated with you please follow and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Sharing the episode helps more people join these honest conversations about mental health and relationships.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Have you ever had a fight with your partner that started over something small but somehow turned into a huge blow up? It’s rarely about the dishes, the bills, or who walked the dog. The way we argue matters more than the content of the fight.
In this solo episode, I talk about the four relationship habits that John and Julie Gottman call the “Four Horsemen” patterns of conflict that predict relationship distress and even separation. More importantly, I share the antidotes: what to do instead.
We’ll explore:
- Why conflict isn’t a bad sign and it’s how you handle it that matters
- The three main conflict styles couples use
- The four habits that harm relationships: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling
- Practical antidotes for each of these habits
- Why repair and accountability are more powerful than getting it right every time
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just want to understand communication better, this episode will help you notice patterns and make small but meaningful shifts.
Resources:
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John and Julie Gottman
- Fight Right – Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman
Listen now and start shifting the way you think about conflict.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
It doesn’t usually happen with one big fight. Most couples who find themselves feeling distant say it crept up slowly. Busy schedules, kids, work, distractions and one day you realise you’re living more like housemates than partners.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk about why couples drift apart, what research tells us about disconnection, and the small everyday actions that keep love alive.
I share:
- Why disconnection often happens without us noticing
- How emotional bids shape the strength of your bond
- What Gottman research shows about drifting vs closeness
- Simple practices to rebuild connection and stop feeling like housemates
- Why small moments of presence matter more than big gestures
🎧 Listen now to explore why drifting happens and what you can do to bring closeness back into your relationship.
Resources:
- The Gottman Institute
- Relationship Refresh
- AI Affairs, Clinic Closures, and the Mental Health Cost of Early Smartphones
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Have you ever tried to explain what’s wrong in your relationship, only to be told you’re overreacting, imagining it, or making it up?
In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m talking about Cassandra Syndrome, the experience of feeling unheard, dismissed, or invisible in your own reality. While it’s often linked to partners of people with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergence, the truth is it can show up in any relationship dynamic where your experiences are minimised.
We’ll explore how Cassandra Syndrome develops, why it’s so damaging to your sense of self, and what helps you break the cycle. This is not about blame, it’s about understanding, naming your experience, and finding ways to feel seen again.
In this episode I talk about:
- What Cassandra Syndrome actually is (and isn’t)
- How being repeatedly dismissed affects your mental health
- Why some partners shut down instead of responding
- The role of emotional labour in relationships
- How to set boundaries without falling into the rescuer role
- Steps to reclaim your voice and sense of reality
- How therapy can help couples rebuild connection and mutual understanding
Resources:
- The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
- The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
What if your dream job stopped feeling like a dream? What if suicide prevention strategies missed the voices of those who know it best? And what if modern masculinity was being reshaped right in front of us?
In this Weekly Wrap, I explore three powerful stories making headlines in mental health and relationships. From rethinking passion at work, to placing lived experience at the heart of suicide prevention, to conversations about male role models and expectations, these stories reveal the deeper issues beneath the news.
Listen in for context, reflections, and why these stories matter more than you might think.
Resources
https://www.mentalhealthcommission.gov.au/national-suicide-prevention-strategy
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-02/national-suicide-strategy-samantha-mcintosh-anton-isaacs/105601504
https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/this-working-life/is-your-dream-job-still-dreamy-/105541268
https://www.sbs.com.au/on
What emotional relationships with chatbots reveal about loneliness, safety, and the fear of real intimacy
Someone recently said their AI companion understands them more than their actual partner. That it listens, responds with care, and never judges. For them, it felt like love. But is it?
In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m looking at the growing number of people forming emotional connections with chatbots. Some call it companionship. Some call it cheating. I think it tells a much bigger story about how scared many of us are to be vulnerable with real people.
AI chatbots are designed to soothe, to validate, to agree. But real connection requires challenge, discomfort, and the ability to sit with mess. When that becomes too hard, some people turn to machines for comfort. I want to explore what that means for relationships, what we might be avoiding, and what we risk losing in the process.
In this episode I talk about* Why AI chatbots feel emotionally safer than real people * What people say they get from their AI companion * The emotional cost of comfort without challenge * Why some AI interactions start to feel like betrayal * How emotional growth comes from conflict, not ease * What the Psychology Today article reveals about identity, empathy, and false connection * Why relying on AI might feel good but leave us more disconnected in the long run
Resources
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/ai-chatbot-relationships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d08BZmdZu8
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/code-conscience/202506/the-emotional-cost-of-ai-intimacy
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
AI affairs, vanishing therapy clinics, and phones before age 13
Cheating with a chatbot. Therapy clinics shutting almost overnight. And new research on what smartphones are doing to young people’s mental health. These stories aren’t just news headlines. They are real issues showing up in therapy sessions and kitchen table conversations.
Here’s what stood out this week:
Chatbots and cheating
More people are forming emotional bonds with AI bots. Some are even calling it an affair. It might seem far-fetched but it’s happening. These connections feel safe, non-judgemental and easy. But they also raise real questions about trust, emotional safety and what it means to be in a relationship.
Thousands left without mental health care
Ramsay Health Care is closing 17 of its 20 psychology clinics across Australia. This decision is leaving thousands of clients, including children and high-risk individuals, without access to care. Many will end up on waitlists or lose support completely. It is another reminder that our mental health system is not working.
Phones before 13 linked to poor mental health
A global study found that young people who got a smartphone before age 13 were more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, aggression and disconnection from reality. Teens in the study said this matched their own experiences. They feel tired, stressed and stuck between wanting to unplug and fearing being left out.
Need something lighter?
I’ve been watching Teenage Boss on ABC. It’s a great series showing what happens when teens manage the family budget. Entertaining, a bit surprising, and worth a watch.
https://iview.abc.net.au/show/teenage-boss
Resources
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-01/smartphones-impact-on-mental-health-some-teens-choose-dumbphones/105589326
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19452829.2025.2518313?src=exp-la#abstract
https://iview.abc.net.au/show/compass/series/39/video/RN2411H016S00
Affairs grab our attention. Whether it’s someone in the news or a friend of a friend, we tune in, pass judgement, or quietly reflect on our own relationships. But what is it that makes cheating stories so captivating?
In this episode, I talk about why we care so much about other people’s affairs. I explore how unmet needs, identity, and longing can show up in relationships. I unpack what betrayal can do to a person’s sense of self, why fantasy can feel easier than reality, and why some couples do try to rebuild after infidelity.
This is not about sensationalism or blame. It’s a real conversation about what I see in the therapy room and what can help people make sense of something painful and complicated.
What I cover in this episode
- Why cheating stories hook us, even when they’re not ours
- How social referencing plays into our opinions on infidelity
- What betrayal can do to trust, identity, and mental health
- The messiness of defining cheating in relationships
- How unmet needs and longing can fuel emotional or physical affairs
- What it can look like to recover as an individual
- What’s involved in repairing a relationship after an affair
- Why not all couples stay together
- What happens when a relationship starts as an affair
- The impact of perpetual problems in relationships (Gottman research: 69 percent of issues are ongoing)
- Why switching partners doesn’t always solve core differences
- What couples need to rebuild trust and connection
Referenced in this episode
📚 The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
- Gottman Method couples therapy model
- Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment framework
- 69 percent of relationship problems are perpetual and unsolvable
Therapy helps manage rather than eliminate these recurring issues
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
When a breakup becomes life-threatening, why the Coldplay affair is stirring up fears about trust and betrayal, and what teens are really saying about how technology is affecting their mental health.
This week:
Men, separation and suicide risk
New research from Orygen shows separated men are up to nine times more likely to die by suicide. We explore why this matters and what support is available.
→ Orygen summary
→ Full paper
The Coldplay affair
It is more than celebrity gossip. Infidelity brings up shame, fear and emotional vulnerability.
→ Recommended book: The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Teen mental health and tech
The ABC Compass episode Hijacking Adolescence captures what teens are really saying about screens and stress.
→ Watch on ABC iview
Not every uncomfortable feeling in a relationship is a warning sign. Sometimes it’s about growth, not danger.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I explore how to tell the difference between genuine red flags and the emotional discomfort that comes with learning, stretching, and getting close to someone. From conflict to communication styles to how we ask for space, not everything unfamiliar is unsafe.
We talk about the moments that feel uncertain and how to pause before labelling something as toxic or dangerous. This episode is for anyone who’s been unsure whether to lean in or walk away.
Key takeaways
- Disagreements aren’t always gaslighting
- Shutting down isn’t always manipulation
- Conflict is normal, repair matters more than perfection
- Forgetfulness and time-blindness aren’t proof someone doesn’t care
- Some people regulate through space, that doesn’t mean disconnection
- Emotional awkwardness may be about past conditioning, not coldness
- Differences in pace or processing styles aren’t red flags
- Discomfort is not always danger, sometimes it’s growth
Resources
- marievakakis.com.au
Want to rebuild connection in your relationship?
Check out Relationship Refresh: https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/relationship-refresh/
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Not all red flags are loud or obvious. Some show up in small, repeated moments that leave you feeling uneasy.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I unpack 10 relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore. These aren’t just the dramatic ones like cheating or lying, they’re the quieter patterns that can slowly wear you down over time.
I talk about how to tell the difference between a red flag and a misunderstanding, what emotional safety really means, and how to use discomfort as a signal to reflect, not overreact.
Key takeaways:
- Why red flags aren’t always a reason to leave (but still matter)
- How disrespect, sarcasm or subtle put-downs can erode safety
- The importance of accountability and emotional maturity
- Why repeated boundary-pushing isn’t just annoying, it’s a warning
- What to look for when it comes to emotional manipulation
- Signs of poor frustration tolerance and conditional kindness
- How to use red flags as prompts for reflection, not panic
Resources:
- Listen to the previous episode on trust: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-love-isnt-enough-when-trust-is-missing/
- Relationship Refresh course: https://www.marievakakis.com.au/courses
If this episode stirred something for you, you’re not alone. These conversations are hard but they matter.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Love matters, but without trust, relationships can’t feel safe.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I will share what happens when couples love each other deeply but still feel disconnected. We often think love will carry us through anything, but when trust is missing, the relationship can start to erode.
I share why trust breaks down (even without betrayal), how to recognise the small moments that matter, and what you can do to start rebuilding.
Using the BRAVING framework, this episode gives you a clear way to understand what trust really looks like, and practical steps to reconnect with care, not criticism.
Key takeaways:
- Trust erodes slowly, often in silence, not always through big betrayals
- Why emotional safety is just as important as love
- How boundaries, reliability and integrity build trust
- Using BRAVING to talk about trust without blame
- How to repair trust when someone feels let down
- Why love alone isn’t enough if your partner doesn’t feel safe
- The power of small, repeated actions over grand gestures
Resources:
- Relationship Refresh Course
- The Therapy Hub
- Brené Brown’s BRAVING Inventory
If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with someone supporting their relationship. You can find more episodes and tools at marievakakis.com.au
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
It’s hard to watch your child struggle to make friends. You might feel stuck between wanting to help and not wanting to push too hard.
In this episode of This Complex Life, I answer a listener’s question "Hi Marie. My daughter has trouble making friends. We really pinned all our hopes and things changing when she started high school this year, but it has come around to the school holidays again and she is feeling sad and lonely. I don't know how best to support her. Should I fill her days with activities that I think might be fun?" I explore why some teens feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by peers, why pushing activities can backfire, and what parents can do to stay connected without adding pressure.
This conversation is for anyone wondering how to support young people who are navigating social struggles and feeling left out.
Key Takeaways:
- Why friendship struggles can follow teens even in a fresh school environment
- The difference between loneliness and healthy solitude
- Why pushing activities and giving too much advice can backfire
- The self-fulfilling cycle of social anxiety and avoidance
- Why some teens connect better with adults or younger children, not their peers
- How to ask gentle, open-ended questions without creating pressure
- How to stay emotionally available and supportive without trying to fix it
- Practical ways to explore screen use with curiosity instead of shame
Resources:
- The Therapy Hub
- Relationship Refresh Course
- Moving from Manager to Consultant
If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with other parents, carers, or anyone supporting teens through friendship challenges. You can find more episodes, resources, and workshops on the website.
You might also like other episodes that explore parenting, connection, and supporting young people through life’s challenges.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Why We Avoid Talking About S3x (And How to Start)
Conversations about sex often feel awkward, avoidant or emotionally loaded. I talk about what’s happening underneath the surface, how gender myths and pressure shape desire, and what couples can do to reconnect with honesty and care.
In this episode, I share :
- How emotional safety shapes intimacy
- What’s really behind avoidance in long-term relationships
- Gender myths and pressure in sexual desire
- Why non-sexual connection matters
- How to talk about sex without shame or fear
- When therapy might help
Resources
- Gottman Love Deck App: gottman.com/couples/apps
- Relationship Refresh Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/relationship-refresh/
- Therapy Hub:thetherapyhub.com.au
- Not Having Enough Sex in Your Relationship?https://marievakakis.com.au/not-having-enough-sex-in-your-relationship/
- FREE resource to help you talk about sex, desire and connection https://marie-vakakis.mykajabi.com/pl/2148681133
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
What if your therapist just gets it and you don’t have to explain everything from scratch?
That’s what this episode is all about. I sat down with Tham Fuyana, Social Worker family Therapist and Educator, to talk about what it’s like navigating therapy as a BIPOC client.
BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, and people/ person of colour
In this episode, Tham shares his reflections growing up as a Black migrant, navigating services that didn’t always see him, and why representation in therapy matters.
Key takeaways* What people mean when they talk about “finding a BIPOC therapist” * Why it’s not just about matching identities but understanding lived experience * How intersectionality shows up in the therapy room * The emotional cost of constantly having to explain your background * What makes some clients feel safer and more understood * The layers of distrust that come from experiences with police, migration and health systems * How a sense of collective identity can offer comfort and where it can be complex * The importance of cultural humility and curiosity in therapeutic work
If this conversation sparked something for you, whether you’re a client looking for support or a professional thinking about your own practice, keep the momentum going. Share it with someone who needs to hear it, have the hard chats and take a look at who’s in the room with you. Because who we sit with matters.
ResourcesThe Therapy Hub
www.thetherapyhub.com.au
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Do you ever feel like you're just not good enough, even when you're doing all the right things? In this conversation with psychologist Belinda Gibson, we explore the roots of that persistent feeling of inadequacy. We unpack how perfectionism, people-pleasing and harsh self-talk can sneak into our lives and affect our relationships, even when we don’t realise it.
We talk about where these beliefs start, how they show up, and what you can do to respond differently. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you’re not enough, this episode offers insight, reflection and a reminder that you’re not alone.
What We Cover:
- Why feelings of not being good enough are more common than you think
- How perfectionism can mask deeper self-doubt
- Ways to recognise when harsh self-criticism is running the show
- How these patterns show up in relationships
- Practical ways to respond with more curiosity and compassion
Resources Mentioned
https://self-compassion.org/
Books
Brene Brown The Gifts of Imperfection
About Belinda
Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.
Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.
https://footscraycounsellingcentre.com.au/
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Do you overthink everything? Lie awake, running through worst-case scenarios?
Worry can be exhausting. It often shows up as planning, perfectionism, or a loop of “what if” thoughts that are hard to switch off. In this episode, I’m joined by clinical psychologist Dr Lillian Nejad to talk about what worry really is, how it differs from anxiety, and why some people find it so difficult to stop.
We explore how worry can sometimes be helpful, when it becomes unhelpful, and what it looks like in everyday life. Lillian shares simple tools to reduce the impact of worry and explains how her app, Contain Your Brain, can support clearer thinking and greater emotional control.
About my guest
Dr Lillian Nejad is a clinical psychologist who supports people to manage anxiety, stress, and sleep. She is the creator of the Contain Your Brain app and founder of Skills for Life, an online hub offering practical mental health resources.
In this episode, we cover
• What worry is and how it differs from anxiety
• Why we worry and how to recognise when it becomes unhelpful
• The three types of worry: solvable, unsolvable, and self-resolving
• How worry can impact sleep, concentration, and relationships
• Why some people confuse worrying with caring
• Tools to manage worry without suppressing emotion
• Signs it might be time to seek professional support
Resources
Contain Your Brain app is available on iOS and Android
Find out more at containyourbrain.com and drlilliannejad.com
Insta
@containyourbrain
@drlilliannejad
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
What happens when society changes faster than young people can adapt?
I’m joined by psychologist Jamie Maserow to explore the hidden impacts of lockdowns, remote learning and technology on young people’s wellbeing. We unpack how the disruptions of recent years have shaped mental health, learning, and relationships, and why connection needs to come before correction.
We also talk about why many traditional parenting approaches might not meet the needs of young people today, and what it looks like to build resilience through strong, consistent relationships.
Key takeaways:
- How early learning gaps during lockdowns created lasting impacts
- The rise of ADHD and autism diagnoses post-pandemic
- Why online connection doesn’t replace real-world relationships
- The risks of mislabelling distress as a mental illness
- Why healthy boundaries and parental consistency are critical
- How social media affects young people's sleep, stress and self-esteem
- When therapy helps and why forcing it can backfire
- Practical ways parents and carers can reconnect meaningfully
Resources:
- 📚10 Things I Wish You Knew About Your Child's Mental Health by Bill Garvey
- 🎧Pop Culture Parenting Podcast
- The Therapist in Therapy - Jamie Maserow
Contact Jamie Maserow, Psychologist, Author, Yoga Teacher
Website: jamiemaserow.com
IG: @the.therapist.in.therapy
Email: jamie@jamiemaserow.com
If you’re a parent, educator, or anyone supporting young people and you're wondering why things feel harder than they used to, this episode is for you. It’s not about getting everything right, it’s about showing up, staying connected, and being willing to have the conversations that matter.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
What if one partner wants to work on the relationship and the other isn’t sure they want to stay?
In this episode, I talk with therapist Anne Carter about discernment counselling, a structured and supportive process for couples where one or both partners are ambivalent about staying together.
We explore what makes this approach different from traditional couples therapy and how it helps couples make intentional, informed decisions,with whether that’s to repair the relationship or separate with clarity and respect.
Key takeaways:
- What discernment counselling is and who it’s for
- The difference between traditional couples therapy and discernment counselling
- What often brings couples to this crossroads
- The three pathways couples might take after discernment counselling
- How to recognise if discernment counselling is right for your relationship
- Why ambivalence needs space, not pressure to shift
- What therapists should consider when working with mixed agenda couples
If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship or navigating mixed intentions about staying or leaving, check out this episode. Whether you’re the one leaning out or leaning in, this conversation offers thoughtful insight into what comes next and how to move forward with clarity.
Resources:
- https://www.gottman.com/
Contact Anne Carter, Certified Gottman Therapist and Certified Discernment Counsellor.
Email: admin@welloflife.com.au
Website: http://www.welloflife.com.au
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Wondering if your relationship should involve more sex or comparing yourself to what you think is normal? You're not alone. Many couples quietly struggle with mismatched desire, emotional disconnection or unclear expectations about what intimacy should look like.
In this episode, I talk about what it really means to not be having enough sex, how responsive desire plays a role in long-term relationships, and why connection doesn’t always come from frequency.
This one is honest, awkward in all the right ways and full of practical ways to start talking about sex in a way that brings you closer, not further apart.
Key takeaways:
- Why mismatched desire is more common than you think
- What the difference is between spontaneous and responsive desire
- How shame, stress, and resentment affect libido
- Why “not enough sex” often isn't about sex at all
- How to talk about desire and initiate without pressure
- The myth of “normal” frequency in relationships
- The dual control model: brakes, accelerators, and context
- What couples can learn from Emily Nagoski’s work?
If this episode sounds like something you or your partner need to hear, share it with them. Sex is just one way we connect but the conversation around it can be the most meaningful part.
Resources:
Emily Nagoski – Come As You Are
Connected Teens
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What happens when love meets change? In this episode we explore the unique challenges and strengths of queer and gender diverse relationships, especially when one partner is transitioning. Therapist Jani Forest Wyatt joins me to unpack the myths, the moments of growth, and the importance of inclusive and affirming couples therapy.
Jani shares insights from both professional and personal experience, from working with Gottman informed couples therapy to challenging stigma in broader social systems. This one’s thoughtful, grounding and full of truth bombs that might change how you think about love, identity and connection.
Key takeaways:* How Jani’s early experiences shaped her path to supporting transgender clients * What Gottman informed therapy looks like when working with queer couples * The unique stressors queer and trans couples face in therapy * Myths about relationships “not lasting” after a partner transitions * The impact of societal judgement on trans individuals and their relationships * Why acceptance and emotional safety are key to relationship success * How clinicians can better support trans clients in intimate relationships * The power of personal motivation in shaping professional practice
Resources:* The Gottman Institute * Australian Association of Social Workers * Rainbow Health Australia
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.
Contact Jani Forest-Wyatt - Learn more about her work:
www.brilliancecounselling.com.au
brilliancecounselling@gmail.com
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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There’s a lot of advice about what to do to build a strong relationship. But what about the things emotionally healthy couples don’t do?
Join me, Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health, and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore six common habits that can damage trust, connection, and communication—and why avoiding them can make a big difference.
Key takeaways:
- Sarcasm, eye-rolling, and small put-downs erode trust over time.
- Name-calling and labelling create emotional distance.
- Venting to friends instead of addressing issues can reinforce resentment.
- The silent treatment damages trust and communication.
- Forgetting milestones isn’t about the big gestures—it’s about showing care.
- Expecting one person to meet all emotional needs puts too much pressure on a relationship.
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone—and it’s never too late to shift unhelpful patterns.
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
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Ever caught yourself thinking, "They should just know what I need"? Unspoken expectations are one of the biggest sources of frustration in relationships. When our partners don’t automatically meet our needs, it can leave us feeling unheard, unloved, or even resentful. But here’s the thing—expecting someone to read your mind rarely works.
Join me, Marie Vakakis, and my guest, psychotherapist Tracy Proud, as we explore why we struggle to express our needs, how childhood experiences shape our relationship patterns, and what happens when we expect our partners to "just know."
Key Takeaways:
- Many of our expectations in relationships are shaped by early experiences, often without us realising it.
- Assuming our partners should "just know" what we need can lead to frustration and resentment.
- Open, honest communication is essential for expressing needs and strengthening connection.
- Conflict isn’t usually about the surface issue—there’s often a deeper meaning behind it.
- Understanding each other’s perspectives helps break unhealthy patterns and fosters emotional intimacy.
Resources:
- The Gottman Institute – Research-backed insights into relationship dynamics.
- Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
In tough times, joy can feel out of reach. But sometimes, a single shared laugh has the power to lift the weight of the world—even in a hospital room, a funeral, or a difficult conversation.
In this special episode, I’m adding my voice to Podcasthon , a global movement of over 1,600 shows across 47 countries. Instead of just mentioning a charity at the end, I wanted to go deeper and dedicate this episode to the incredible work of Clown Doctors—specially trained performers who bring laughter into hospitals to ease anxiety and pain.
Together, we’ll explore what laughter does to our bodies and our relationships, why it matters so much in hard moments, and how we can all make space for more playfulness in everyday life.
Episode Summary
This episode is a warm and science-backed reflection on the power of laughter—how it supports our mental health, deepens connection, and even has physical benefits. I talk about the inspiring work of Clown Doctors in Australia, how humour can be a tool for emotional repair, and why laughter belongs in even the most serious spaces.
Key Takeaways
- Laughter triggers feel-good chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, reducing pain and improving connection
- Scientific research shows laughter can reduce cortisol (our stress hormone) by up to 32%
- Humour can strengthen relationships, ease conflict, and build trust, especially with teens and in families
- Clown Doctors Australia use laughter as a tool in hospitals to reduce anxiety and support healing
- Laughter helps us regulate our emotions and reconnect with others, especially in high-stress moments
- Sharing a laugh can shift the tone in difficult conversations and promote closeness
- We can intentionally create more opportunities for laughter in everyday life
- Playful moments—even small ones—can offer relief, connection, and a sense of hope
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37220157/
https://humourfoundation.org.au/clown-doctors/
https://www.podcasthon.org/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Submit a question to the Podcast
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Ever feel like you and your partner are just co-existing rather than truly connecting? Maybe your conversations revolve around schedules, bills, and logistics, rather than shared experiences and meaningful moments.
Join me, Marie Vakakis, therapist, mental health and relationships educator, as I share why friendship is the foundation of a strong relationship, how couples drift apart over time, and most importantly, how to rebuild connection and intimacy when you feel like housemates rather than partners.
Key Takeaways:* Friendship in a relationship creates trust, emotional safety, and longevity. * Couples often drift apart due to stress, routine, and lack of prioritisation. * Rebuilding connection starts with curiosity, shared activities, and appreciation. * Conflict is inevitable, but handling it as teammates rather than opponents strengthens relationships. * Small moments of connection—like humour, deep conversations, and prioritising fun—can reignite friendship.
If your relationship feels more like a routine than a partnership, this episode is for you. Tune in to learn how to shift from housemates back to best friends.
Resources:
- Bids for Connection – Recognising and responding to bids for connection in relationships.
- The Gottman Institute – Research-based insights on building strong relationships.
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing relationship problems—it can also play a huge role in improving mental health. Many people think of therapy as a last resort when things are falling apart, but research shows that relationship support can also help with anxiety, depression, trauma, and emotional regulation.
I’m joined by Trish Purnell-Webb, a clinical psychologist, certified Gottman therapist, and trainer for the Gottman Institute, to discuss how couples therapy strengthens connection and supports mental well-being.
Key Takeaways* Couples therapy can lead to better mental health outcomes than individual therapy in some cases. * A strong, supportive relationship can help regulate emotions and ease stress. * Many people with mental health struggles feel isolated—even in relationships. * Learning skills like emotional attunement and validation can reduce distress. * Therapy teaches couples how to navigate challenges together rather than suffering alone.
Resources* The Gottman Institute’s research on couples therapy effectiveness – www.gottman.com * Emotionally Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.
Contact Trish Purnell-Webb:
www.trishpurnell-webb.com.au
www.relationshipinstitute.com.au
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Ever had a small disagreement spiral into a huge argument? Maybe it started with an eye-roll, a forgotten text, or a messy kitchen bench. Suddenly, it’s not about the dishes—it’s about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected.
Join me, Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health, and relationships educator. In this episode, I unpack why small fights often mask deeper issues, how to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict, and ways to handle disagreements that strengthen connection rather than push you apart.
Key takeaways:* Conflict isn’t just about the argument—it’s about the deeper needs and emotions underneath it. * Small issues left unresolved can build into resentment and disconnection. * Healthy conflict strengthens trust, while unhealthy conflict creates emotional distance. * The Four Horsemen—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—can erode trust if left unchecked. * Repairing after a disagreement is more important than avoiding conflict altogether. * The way we handle fights can bring us closer or push us further apart.
If you’re interested in how to approach conflict in a way that builds connection rather than breaks it down, check out Episode 52 – It’s Not About the Fight—It’s How You Fight.
Resources:* The Gottman Institute – www.gottman.com
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Many couples only seek therapy when their relationship is already in serious trouble. But by the time they reach out, years of unresolved issues, built-up resentment, and unhealthy patterns can make it harder to repair their connection. So, what happens when couples wait too long to get support, and why is early intervention so important?
Join me Marie Vakakis, a therapist, and mental health and relationships educator and Michelle Janssen as we discuss why couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis, how waiting too long can make healing more difficult, and how seeking support earlier can lead to better outcomes.
Key takeaways* Couples often wait an average of six years before seeking therapy, allowing issues to worsen. * Therapy is most effective when couples seek support before problems escalate. * Unresolved conflicts, resentment, and miscommunication can become deeply ingrained over time. * Many couples don’t seek therapy due to stigma, fear, or the belief that things will improve on their own. * Small issues left unaddressed can turn into significant relationship challenges. * The earlier couples get support, the more tools they have to strengthen their relationship. * Therapy isn’t about fixing a broken relationship—it’s about learning better ways to connect and communicate.
Resources* The Gottman Institute’s research on couples therapy effectiveness –www.gottman.com * Four horseman * Art and science of love workshops
If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.
Contact Michelle Janssen
https://www.brisbanecouplescounselling.com/
info@brisbanecouplescounselling.com
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Why do we keep having the same fight?
It can feel frustrating when the same arguments keep coming up. But conflict is not the problem. It is how we handle it that makes the difference. Research shows that most relationship conflicts are ongoing, yet avoiding them only builds resentment. The good news is that conflict, when managed well, can actually strengthen trust and connection.
I am Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore why conflict is normal, how small miscommunications can turn into bigger issues, and how curiosity, empathy and repair can help you navigate difficult conversations with your partner.
Key takeaways* Conflict is a normal and healthy part of relationships * Avoiding difficult conversations does not make issues disappear * Seventy percent of relationship conflicts are ongoing and unsolvable * How you approach conflict shapes trust and connection * Repairing after a disagreement is more important than never fighting * Words, tone and active listening all play a role in resolving tension * Some people argue to be right, others to connect or feel in control * Asking questions with curiosity can lead to deeper understanding
Resources• Gottman Institute research on conflict in relationships – www.gottman.com
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts, so reach out and let me know what stood out to you.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Have you ever wondered when the right time is to try couples therapy? Or if you even need a major issue to start? Many people hesitate to seek support for their relationship, often waiting years before getting help—sometimes even separating without exploring their options.
Today, we’re tackling the most common questions about couples therapy, from how to know if it’s right for you to what actually happens in a session. Joining me is Anne, my practice manager and the person who keeps everything running smoothly behind the scenes. Anne has gathered real questions from clients, friends, and people curious about what happens in couples therapy.
We’re covering everything from whether you need to forgive past mistakes to what to do if your partner refuses to come. And yes, we even get into the weirdest things couples have fought about in my sessions (spoiler: toilet paper placement can be a deal-breaker for some!).
Key Takeaways:
•When to seek therapy: You don’t need a crisis to start—therapy can help at any stage, including as a preventative step.
•How couples therapy works: From assessments to interventions, we break down what actually happens in a session.
•What if my partner won’t go? Tips for approaching the conversation and increasing the chances they’ll say yes.
•Affairs, open relationships, and trust: Can couples therapy help rebuild after betrayal or navigate non-traditional relationships?
•The Gottman Method: Why I use it, and how science-backed assessments help guide therapy.
•Traditional vs. Marathon Therapy: The difference between weekly sessions and intensive two- or three-day programs.
•How long does it take? Realistic expectations for therapy length and why a “quick fix” isn’t always the best approach.
•Ground rules for therapy: What’s acceptable (venting frustrations) and what’s not (secret-keeping, name-calling).
•Handling conflict: How understanding your partner’s background can completely shift a heated debate.
•Secrets in relationships: What’s okay to keep private and what could be damaging to your connection.
Resources Mentioned:
📖 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John & Julie Gottman
📖 Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – John & Julie Gottman
📖 Hold Me Tight – Sue Johnson
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. And if you have a question about couples therapy that we didn’t answer, send it in—we might tackle it in a future episode!
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Have you ever wondered why grief feels so isolating?Many people expect grief to follow a straight path, something to "move on" from after a set amount of time. The reality is far more complex. In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and grief researcher Liam Spicer to explore what grief is, the myths that surround it, and how we can better support ourselves and others through loss.
Grief is a universal human experience, yet so many of us struggle to talk about it openly. In this conversation, Liam shares insights from his work and personal experiences, breaking down common misconceptions about grief and bereavement. We discuss how grief extends beyond the loss of a loved one, why there’s no "right way" to grieve, and the role of connection in healing.
Key Takeaways* Grief isn’t something you "get over"—it changes shape, but it doesn’t disappear. * There’s no single timeline or correct way to grieve. Everyone’s experience is unique. * Grief isn’t just about death—it can be triggered by life changes, lost opportunities, or even a shift in identity. * Societal expectations can make grief harder by pressuring people to “move on” too quickly. * Supporting someone who is grieving doesn’t mean having the perfect words—sometimes, just showing up is enough. * Guilt about feeling happy again is common, but it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one. * There are ways to maintain a connection with someone you’ve lost, which can help with healing.
Resources Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement – Fact sheets, resources, and support for grief. * The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor** – A science-based look at how grief affects us. * It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine – A compassionate guide for navigating grief. * Liam Spicer’s Website*- Find out more about Liam's work and research Liam’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/liamspicer_/ connect@liamspicer.com.au
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
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https://marievakakis.com.au/
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How Past Experiences Shape Our LivesWhy do certain situations trigger such strong emotions? Katheryn Eberly, a mental health social worker and family therapist, joins me to explore how early experiences shape our beliefs, why past wounds still affect us, and how we can start to shift unhelpful patterns.
Key Takeaways Trauma affects how we see ourselves and respond to stress. * "Big T" trauma stems from major events, while "little t" trauma comes from repeated distressing experiences. * Core beliefs like "I'm not good enough"* often develop in childhood. * Emotional reactions in daily life can signal deeper unresolved experiences. * Recognising patterns can help shift automatic responses.
Resources Mentioned What Happened to You? – Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey * Self-compassion work by Kristin Neff * Previous episode: “I’m Not Good Enough*
Connect with Kathryn
https://restoringfamilies.com.au/
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
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https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Have you ever wondered if your goals truly reflect what’s most important to you? In this episode, clinical psychologist Patch Callahan joins me to break down the difference between values and goals and why living by your values is the key to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
We explore how to uncover your core values, navigate challenges in defining them, and integrate them into your everyday decisions. Whether you’re reevaluating your priorities for the new year or seeking deeper alignment in life, this episode offers practical insights to help you connect with what truly matters.
Episode SummaryPatch Callahan shares the transformative power of values, particularly in the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). We discuss how values differ from goals, why they matter, and actionable steps to define and live by them. Tune in to discover how aligning your life with your values can lead to greater purpose and authenticity.
Key Takeaways
•Values vs. Goals: Values guide your actions and choices, providing meaning, while goals are specific targets or achievements.
•Why Values Matter: Living according to your values fosters authenticity and a sense of purpose.
Defining Your Values:
•Reflect on key life domains: family, relationships, work, health, and leisure.
•Identify what’s deeply important to you within each domain.
•Narrow your focus to 5–6 core values that resonate most.
•Challenges in Identifying Values: Overcoming confusion or uncertainty requires reflection, experimentation, and sometimes professional support.
•Practical Tips for Value-Based Living:
•Use discomfort as a guide—it often points to what matters most.
•Prioritise decisions that align with your core principles.
•Build psychological flexibility to stay committed to your values even when faced with challenges.
Resources
- Bullseye Activity: A practical tool for clarifying and connecting with your values. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FOEsnX87Ho
- Learn More About Patch Callahan: Patch’s Bio and Services
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone reflecting on their priorities this year! Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and join the conversation about living with purpose.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Have you ever found yourself questioning your drinking habits or wondering why alcohol feels so deeply woven into our social lives? This episode will inspire you to take a closer look at addiction, coping strategies, and the pressures around drinking.
In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Tara Hurster, an expert in addiction and substance use, to challenge the myths surrounding addiction and explore how we can make healthier, more intentional choices. From practical tools like the HALT method to navigating sober dating, Tara offers invaluable insights for anyone looking to change their relationship with alcohol.
What We Cover in This Episode
Understanding Addiction Beyond the Myths
Addiction isn’t about weakness or moral failure; it’s a learned way to cope with life’s stresses and traumas.
Tara shares her journey from supporting peers in high school to becoming an addiction specialist.
Addiction Isn’t a Disease
Addiction is not a disease or a moral failing—it’s a behavioural response to stress and emotions.
Tara recounts her experiences working in an inpatient psychiatric hospital and how they shaped her views.
Practical Strategies for Managing Substance Use
The HALT method: Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Tara adds “Hydrated” and “Health” to the mix for a more holistic approach.
Tara explains how checking in with these needs can prevent mindless behaviours, like reaching for a drink.
Navigating Social Pressures Around Alcohol
Simple strategies for declining a drink, from “I’m not drinking today” to a white lie like “I’m on antibiotics.”
Setting boundaries is okay and can help you maintain your goals.
Sober Dating: Building Authentic Connections
Tips for enjoying dates without alcohol and focusing on meaningful connections.
Tara introduces the FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific, to help with decision-making in dating and intimacy.
The Sober Curious Movement
A growing trend encouraging people to question their relationship with alcohol. Younger generations are leading the charge by embracing life without booze.
Resources Mentioned
Alcohol and Drug Information Service: Call 1800 250 015 or visit ADIS Website
Connect with Tara Hurster:
Website: Tara Clinic
Instagram: @TaraHurster
Enjoyed the Episode?
If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on your favourite podcast platform. It helps others discover the show and keeps me inspired to create more conversations like this. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who might benefit!
Holidays are meant to be magical, but let’s be honest – they can also be a whirlwind of stress, unmet expectations, and arguments over things like... ham on napkins. Ever found yourself mid-fight during the holiday season, wondering, “What are we even fighting about?” This episode is for you.
As a therapist, I see this all the time in my sessions: couples bickering over seemingly small things that often hold deeper meaning. Today, I’m unpacking what’s really behind those seemingly silly holiday fights and sharing practical ways to handle them with curiosity and connection.
We’ll explore why the conflict isn’t really about the napkins or the ham, but what they represent – memories, traditions, or unmet needs. So, whether you’re dealing with family chaos, mismatched holiday vibes, or just the general holiday rush, I’ve got you covered.
Key Takeaways:* Why holiday fights are rarely about what they seem – and how to figure out what’s really going on. * The importance of understanding your partner’s holiday traditions and what they mean to them. * How to approach disagreements with curiosity rather than conflict. * Tips for validating your partner’s feelings (even if you don’t agree!). * Why compromise is healthy – and how to do it without dismissing each other’s needs. * How to start meaningful conversations about celebrating holidays together. * The power of acknowledging sadness when things don’t go as planned.
Resources: Well, Hello Anxiety Podcast*: My conversation with Jodi Richardson where we chatted about mismatched holiday vibes, setting boundaries, and handling family chaos. Listen here. * Christmas holiday boundaries blog – Additional tips and articles on holiday stress and relationship dynamics.
If you’ve enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to leave a review and subscribe for more conversations on navigating life and relationships. Let’s keep the conversation going on social media – I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Ready to hit reset on your relationship? Join me for a workshop packed with practical tools and guided prompts to help you and your partner communicate better, tackle tricky topics like money, and create a clear plan for the year ahead.
-- JOIN ME LIVE--
https://marievakakis.com.au/events/
Does the holiday season leave you feeling stressed and overcommitted? With endless parties, gift exchanges, and family gatherings, it’s easy to say yes to everything and forget about your own needs. In this episode, I’m sharing how to set boundaries that protect your energy, time, and budget, so you can truly enjoy the festive season without the burnout.
I’ll explore why setting boundaries matters and how to communicate them clearly, even when it’s hard. From managing tricky family dynamics to sticking to a budget for gifts and dinners, this episode is packed with practical strategies to help you navigate the holidays with more ease and confidence.
In this episode I discuss * How to recognise your limits and avoid overcommitting during the holidays * Why boundaries are about your actions, not controlling others * Tips for setting clear financial limits without guilt * How to manage social and family pressures with calm and confidence * The power of saying no and following through on your boundaries * Practical ways to offer alternatives that work better for you
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
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If you’ve ever wondered why your teen seems on edge or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Anxiety in teens can feel daunting to understand and even harder to navigate. In this episode, I break down the basics of anxiety, what might be going on with your teen, and how you can truly support them. Whether it’s about recognising the signs, fostering empathy, or knowing when to seek help, this episode is packed with practical advice you can put into action today.
Key Takeaways:* Understanding the difference between stress and anxiety: Stress is often tied to specific events and can dissipate once the issue resolves. Anxiety, however, can linger and feel harder to manage. * Why teens are more prone to anxiety: During adolescence, critical brain development and life pressures make teens more vulnerable to intense emotions. * Common triggers for anxiety in teens: These can include schoolwork, social pressures, family dynamics, and even global issues like climate change. * The importance of empathy: Listening without dismissing your teen’s feelings is key. Simple phrases like, "That sounds really hard," can go a long way in showing support. * Helping teens build resilience: Letting them face challenges and problem-solve on their own, while ensuring their safety, can foster confidence. * Recognising when professional help is needed: If anxiety disrupts daily life, it might be time to seek support from a mental health professional. * Normalising therapy and self-care: Sharing your own experiences with therapy or coping strategies can help teens feel comfortable seeking help.
Resources: Connected Teens Course: Learn how to strengthen your connection with your teen while respecting their individuality. * Book Recommendation: Hold On to Your Kids* by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté – A helpful guide on supporting your teen’s emotional development. * Related Episode: Why Does My Teen Feel Overwhelmed and What Can I Do to Support Them– Discover how to identify and address overwhelm in teens.
Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Ever wondered why your teen sometimes seems to be on an emotional rollercoaster? In this episode, I tackle a question that’s close to home for many parents: Why does my teen seem so moody? Instead of brushing it off as "just a phase," I explore what’s really going on for teens emotionally and mentally, from hormonal changes to the social pressures they face every day. If you've ever been met with a slammed door or an eye-roll, this episode will help you understand the bigger picture and respond in ways that support them.
I share insights into brain development, social dynamics, and how to create a supportive environment at home. This is all about building connections and helping teens feel understood rather than dismissed.
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding that teen moodiness isn’t just “acting out”; it’s a response to many factors, including brain development and social pressures.
- The impact of fluctuating hormones on emotions and behaviour, and how this is a natural part of growing up.
- Recognising signs of overwhelm in teens and the importance of timing and tone when discussing sensitive topics.
- Why criticism or constant reminders can feel like “nagging” to teens and might lead to defensiveness.
- Balancing giving teens independence while staying available for support and guidance.
- The importance of modelling emotional regulation as a parent, as teens learn by observing how we handle our emotions.
- Simple, actionable steps to connect with your teen without pushing them away, like avoiding overloading them with questions.
- Ways to validate your teen’s feelings, even if you may not agree, and how to create a safe space for them to express themselves.
Resources:
- Connected Teens™ Course – My on-demand course designed to help parents connect with their teens.
- Episode on “Why Won’t My Teen Talk to Me After School?” – For more tips on how to handle after-school conversations.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future episode, reach out via the link in the show notes. I’d love to hear from you and explore the topics that matter most to you and your family.
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Ever wondered why your teenager suddenly seems to prefer hanging out with friends over family dinners or weekend outings? In this episode, I’ll be talking through some of the key reasons teens begin to pull away from family time, focusing on the natural shifts in social priorities and independence that come with adolescence. It’s not about rejection, though it might feel that way; it’s a complex stage of growing up where friendships often take centre stage. I’ll explore why this happens and share some tips on how you can maintain a meaningful connection without pushing them away.
So, if you’re finding family time with your teen to be a bit of a tug-of-war, this episode is for you!
Key Takeaways* Teens often prioritise friendships over family as they develop their own identities and social lives. * FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) plays a big role, making them want to stay closely connected with their friends. * The shift towards friendships is part of natural differentiation—teens exploring their sense of self outside of the family. * Parents can feel rejected, but understanding this phase helps in responding supportively. * Handling feelings of rejection with awareness can prevent tension and create a more positive environment for connection. * Encouraging shorter, meaningful family interactions can help without making them feel forced. * Finding a balance between family traditions and their developing independence allows teens space to grow while staying connected. * Recognise and respect their need for autonomy; focus on quality time rather than quantity.
Episodes to link to
https://marievakakis.com.au/parents-feeling-rejected-by-their-teens/
Do you ever feel like you're navigating your work solo, without a support system? In this episode, I'm diving into the world of group supervision and why it’s a game-changer for therapists and mental health professionals. I’ll share my experiences with supervision, the lessons learned, and why group supervision has been one of the most powerful tools for professional growth and connection.
Group supervision isn’t just about case reviews; it’s about building networks, gaining different perspectives, and developing as a therapist. If you're a mental health practitioner, this episode is for you. And if you're feeling isolated in your work or unsure about group supervision, let me reassure you that it can offer so much more than you might expect.
Key Takeaways:
- The power of group supervision: It offers a chance to connect with peers and get multiple perspectives on cases.
- Normalising struggles: Hearing from other practitioners can remind you that you’re not alone in your challenges.
- Peer feedback and skill-building: Group settings provide safe spaces to improve on areas like public speaking or case presentation.
- Social networking and referrals: It’s not just about supervision—it’s about building relationships with colleagues for long-term support.
- Hive mind approach: With multiple perspectives, you get more than one way of thinking about a case, which can spark new insights.
- Building empathy and self-compassion: Group supervision fosters an environment where you can be kinder to yourself, something we often forget to do.
- Practical skill development: It’s a great space to practice presenting cases or fine-tuning therapeutic techniques in a supportive setting.
Resources:
- For more information on group supervision, visit The Therapy Hub
Other episodes in this series
Listen here
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Ever feel like your teen is constantly overwhelmed and stressed, but you're unsure how to help without making things worse? In this episode, I’m sharing practical ways you can support your teen when life feels like it’s coming at them too fast. Whether it's school pressures, social media, or the daily juggle of activities, teens today face a lot. I’ll help you understand why they might be feeling so overwhelmed and how you, as a parent, can be there for them in the best way possible.
As a therapist and mental health educator, I’ve seen how parents can unintentionally add to the pressure. But it doesn’t have to be this way! I’ll explain why listening is often more powerful than offering solutions and share tips on connecting with your teen when they’re struggling.
Key Takeaways:* Why teens feel overwhelmed: Reflect on the factors contributing to your teen’s stress, from social pressures to academic expectations. * The difference between stress and overwhelm: Understand how stress can motivate, but when it turns into overwhelm, it’s like drinking from a fire hose. * Stop fixing, start listening: Discover how to hold space for your teen and let them feel heard without jumping into problem-solving mode. * Use emotion coaching to connect: Learn how to validate your teen’s feelings and open up the conversation in a supportive way. * Give them space to decompress: Understand why bombarding them with questions or advice right away isn’t helpful. * Collaborate on solutions when they’re ready: Help your teen problem-solve once they feel seen and heard, not before.
Resources: Atlas of the Heart* by Brené Brown: A fantastic resource on stress and overwhelm. * Link to stress cycle video: Check out my video on how to manage the stress cycle.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bFGz9ObyW4
JOIN the Connected Teens Course https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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Have you ever wondered what supervision is all about and why it’s so important for mental health professionals? In this episode, I share my thoughts on the power of supervision, and how it helps mental health practitioners grow, avoid burnout, and improve their skills. Whether you’re in supervision now or looking to find the right supervisor, this episode is full of insights to get you thinking about how you can get the most out of the process.
I’ve been reflecting on my own experiences as both a supervisee and a supervisor, and in this episode, I explore the value supervision can bring to social workers and mental health professionals. Supervision is not just about ticking boxes; it's about critical reflection, growth, and making sure we’re giving the best possible care to our clients.
If you’re a mental health practitioner or professional, this episode is for you. Let’s explore the essentials of supervision and what to look for when choosing the right supervisor for your professional growth.
Key Takeaways:* Supervision is essential for maintaining high-quality practice and reducing the risk of burnout. * It’s a space for reflection, learning, and understanding how we show up for our clients. * Finding the right supervisor is crucial, and it can feel a lot like finding the right therapist. * Supervision isn’t just about management – it’s about building your professional skills and supporting your wellbeing. * It’s important to choose a supervisor who aligns with your values, areas of interest, and approach to practice. * Some practitioners may not advertise heavily, but that doesn’t mean they’re not great supervisors – asking the right questions can help you find a good fit. * Supervision can be flexible – you can opt for individual or group sessions, or even a mix of both. * Supervision is a lifelong process – there’s always room to grow and learn.
Supervision is a crucial part of any mental health professional's journey, offering the opportunity for ongoing learning, growth, and preventing burnout. In this episode, I dive into the importance of finding the right supervisor and the many ways supervision can support both your professional and personal development. Whether you’re just starting out or have been practicing for years, supervision can help you provide better care for your clients and keep your own wellbeing in check.
Submit a question to the Podcast
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https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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Have you ever asked your teen a question, only to be met with silence or a shrug? It’s frustrating, right? This is a common concern for parents. I hear this concern a lot.
In this episode, I’m answering this common question I get from parents ‘’why won’t my teen talk to me?”
I’ve heard so many parents share that they feel disconnected or rejected when their child turns to friends instead of them for support or advice. But here's the thing, t’s completely normal for teens to gravitate towards their peers, though that doesn’t make it any less painful for parents.
In this episode, I’ll be covering the most common mistakes that cause communication breakdowns and offering strategies to help rebuild that connection. You don’t have to feel stuck in a cycle of miscommunication. By making a few adjustments, it’s possible to create a space where your teen feels safe and comfortable opening up again.
- Fixing problems isn’t always the answer. Teens often just want to feel heard and understood.
- Too many solutions can overwhelm your teen and make them feel as if you don’t trust them.
- Judging or criticising, even about their friends, can shut down communication.
- Let your teen make mistakes—this builds resilience and trust.
- The shift from being a “manager” to a “consultant” and offering guidance without controlling.
Quotes:
- "People often don’t want their problems fixed. They just want to be heard, empathised with, and validated."
- "Frequent judgment ruptures that connection. And remember, connection is one of the most important things for a relationship."
- "Resilience comes from actually falling down, dusting yourself off, and getting back up—both physically and metaphorically."
Resources:
- Free eBook: My Teen Won’t Talk to Me
- Connected Teens™ Parenting Course
If you’re struggling with teen communication, this episode offers practical advice to help you reconnect with your child, even when it feels like you’re drifting apart.
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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Have you ever thought about sneaking a look at your teen’s diary?
It’s something a lot of parents consider, especially when they're worried about their teen or feeling out of the loop. But is it the best move?
In today’s episode, I’m digging into whether reading your teen’s private thoughts helps or harms your relationship, and how you can stay connected without crossing that line.
This episode covers the common question: “Is it okay to read my teen’s diary?” It’s a question I hear from parents who are desperate to understand what’s going on in their child’s life. While the temptation is understandable, I explain why breaching that boundary can cause more harm than good and share strategies for maintaining trust and communication with your teen.
Why It’s an Important Question
Many parents feel torn between wanting to respect their teen’s privacy and needing to know what’s happening in their life. This is an important question because it highlights the fine line between concern and control, and how actions like reading their diary can impact your relationship long term. From my work with teens and families, I’ve seen how breaking trust can lead to emotional distance, and it can be tough to rebuild.
Here’s what we cover in this episode:
- Why reading your teen’s diary can damage the trust between you
- How privacy violations affect their emotional development and future relationships
- Practical tips for keeping the connection strong without invading their personal space
- Strategies for managing your worries and having open, respectful conversations with your teen
- How to model healthy boundaries and respect, setting the example for your teen
My Experience and How I Can Help
I know it’s hard not to want to know everything about what’s going on with your teen, especially when they’re going through difficult times or pulling away from you. From working with many families, I’ve seen how important trust is in parent-teen relationships. Once that’s broken, it can be hard to get back. Instead of reading their diary, I’m here to offer some practical ways to build trust and foster openness. Whether it’s finding ways to stay connected through shared activities or starting conversations in a way that invites them to share, this episode is full of tips you can put into action straight away.
Ready to learn more?
If you’re looking for more support on how to build a stronger relationship with your teen, be sure to check out my Connected Teens™ program. There’s a live cohort starting soon, so don’t miss out on a chance to dive deeper into these strategies! And don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with other parents who are navigating the tricky world of teen privacy and connection.
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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I share a powerful concept that can transform your relationships – bids for connection. These small moments when someone reaches out, whether it’s your partner or your teen, can make all the difference in how we build trust and emotional intimacy. How we respond – whether we turn towards, turn away, or respond unkindly – shapes the quality of our relationships.
I explore how noticing and responding positively to bids can strengthen your connection, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or navigating the ups and downs of parenting teens. Drawing on both my own experience and the research of John and Julie Gottman, you'll learn how these interactions impact your mental health, emotional wellbeing, and the health of your relationships.
Whether you’ve been feeling disconnected in your relationship or want to understand your child better, this episode offers practical tools to help you notice bids for connection and turn towards them with kindness.
Key Takeaways:
- Bids for Connection: These are everyday actions or signals to establish connection. Learning to respond to them with care strengthens your bond.
- Turning Towards or Away: How you respond – with attention or indifference – plays a big role in maintaining emotional intimacy.
- For Couples: Positive responses to bids help you build trust and store up connection for harder times.
- For Parents: Teens’ bids may seem subtle or negative, but recognising and responding to them is key to strengthening your relationship.
Direct Quotes:
- "Bids for connection are one of the most powerful parts of a relationship. How we respond can make or break that connection."
- "We often get caught up in life, and miss those small moments where our loved ones are trying to reach out to us."
Be sure to listen in for more on how to improve your relationships through bids for connection!
Links:
- Join the Connected Teens
- Have questions or feedback? Send me an email, and I might cover it in a future episode!
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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Have you ever wondered when the right time is to start couples therapy? Maybe you’re worried about what might come up, or whether it’s only for when things get really bad. In this episode, I break down the common fears around couples therapy and share why it can be beneficial long before things reach a crisis point. Whether you're curious about how couples therapy works or how to talk to your partner about going, this episode is packed with helpful insights.
I’ll cover what to expect when you walk into a couples therapy session, why it’s not just about airing your "dirty laundry," and how therapy can help you and your partner better understand each other, communicate more effectively, and feel more connected.
Key Takeaways:
- Couples therapy isn’t just for crises: It can be preventative and help you build a stronger relationship, even if things aren’t "bad."
- What to expect in your first session: I explain how I use an in-depth four-session assessment process to understand both individuals and the relationship.
- Common reasons couples seek therapy: From communication issues to navigating parenthood, sex and intimacy, or recovering from an affair—there are many reasons to consider therapy.
- Misunderstandings around couples therapy: We address the fear that one partner will be blamed, and how a therapist’s role is to facilitate understanding, not take sides.
- How to approach your partner about therapy: I share tips on how to start the conversation without making it feel like an attack or an ultimatum.
- Practical tools to improve communication: Learn how shifting from criticism to collaboration can change the dynamic of your relationship for the better.
- Working on your relationship solo: You can still go to therapy alone to work on yourself and your relationship if your partner isn’t ready or willing to join.
Resources:
- The Therapy Hub
- Gottman Institute - Resources on relationships and couples therapy
- Eight Dates book by Drs. John and Julie Gottman: A great read for couples looking to strengthen their relationship.
This episode is perfect for anyone who’s ever thought about couples therapy but wasn’t sure where to start or how to bring it up with their partner. By the end, you’ll have a clearer idea of what couples therapy can offer and why it could be the best step forward for your relationship.
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Ever feel like your desire doesn’t match what you see in the movies, or that your sex life doesn’t quite stack up to what others seem to be experiencing? In this episode, I explore the many myths surrounding women’s sexual desire and why so much of what we believe is misleading. From the pressure to experience spontaneous desire to the myth of the perfect sexual encounter, I break down how these misconceptions can impact our relationships and our sense of self.
Drawing on the work of experts like John and Julie Gottman, Esther Perel, and Emily Nagoski, I’ll guide you through how emotional intimacy, open communication, and understanding different types of desire can help transform the way you think about sex and connection.
Key Takeaways:* Spontaneous desire isn’t the only kind of desire – responsive desire is just as valid and common, especially for women. * There’s no such thing as a perfect sexual encounter – intimacy is often clumsy, messy, and filled with unexpected moments. * Emotional intimacy and sexual satisfaction are deeply connected. A strong friendship and open communication outside the bedroom can lead to a more fulfilling sex life. * Long-term relationships don’t have to kill desire – creating space for novelty, autonomy, and mystery can reignite attraction. * Women are not the gatekeepers of sexual health in a relationship – sexual responsibility and desire maintenance is a shared effort.
Resources: Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel * State of Affairs by Esther Perel * Come As You Are* by Emily Nagoski * The Gottman Institute’s resources on emotional intimacy and connection * The Love Deck App by John and Julie Gottman
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Connect with Marie
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We talk about fears and hesitation surrounding couples therapy. We discuss stigmas and misconceptions that prevent people from seeking the help they need to nurture and grow their relationships.
In this episode
- Belinda and I discuss the value of couples therapy
- We talk about how to find the right therapist who can work with the specific challenges faced within your relationship.
- We discussed ways of navigating challenging conversations.
- We talk about the importance of being curious rather than critical during difficult discussions.
- The role of individual therapy and how it can complement couples therapy
Couples therapy can be a transformative experience for relationships, providing tools and insights to improve communication, connection, and conflict resolution. By being curious and seeking the right therapist, individuals can foster a deeper understanding of their relationship dynamics.
About Belinda Gibson
Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.
Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.
https://footscraycounsellingcentre.com.au/
Blog post mentioned
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/is-it-too-late-for-couples-therapy-5-benefits-of-couples-therapy/
Connect with Marie
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https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In today's episode, I chat with Avril Cook, a clinical psychologist with a wealth of experience in mental health, family dynamics, and working with teens. We dive into the often tricky subject of how to talk to young people about sex, consent, and body autonomy. I'm excited to have Avril on the show because of her practical approach to these conversations, which can be challenging for both parents and teens. I appreciate her perspective on how starting these discussions early and making them part of everyday life can help demystify and destigmatise these topics. This episode is packed with valuable insights for any parent or caregiver looking to create a safe space for open dialogue with their kids.
Key Themes: Starting the Conversation Early: Avril emphasises the importance of introducing topics like body autonomy and consent early in a child’s life to make these discussions more natural as they grow older. * Building Trust Through Everyday Interactions: We discuss how parents can build a foundation of trust by being non-judgmental and open, encouraging their children to come to them with any issues, big or small. * Navigating Awkward Conversations: Avril shares practical tips on how to handle the inevitable awkwardness when discussing sex and consent, including the value of engaging in these talks during shared activities rather than formal sit-downs. * The Role of Gender in Conversations about Sex: We explore the different societal expectations placed on boys and girls regarding sexuality and how these can impact the way parents talk to their children. * Repairing Communication Gaps*: Avril offers advice on how parents can repair relationships with their teens if they feel they've mishandled previous conversations about sensitive topics.
Avril Cook is a clinical psychologist with her own practice, Bodhi and Psychology. She specialises in family dynamics, working with teens and adults, and providing consultation to organisations on mental health and workplace wellness. Avril is passionate about helping parents navigate the complexities of raising children in today’s world.
Bodhi & Psychology Pty Ltd
Clinical Psychology | Training | Supervision | Research | Consultation
www.bodhiandpsychology.com.au
@bodhiandpsychology
Submit a question to the Podcast
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As a parent or guardian, talking to kids and teens about sex, consent, and relationships can feel overwhelming, especially if these topics were never discussed in your own upbringing. In this solo episode, I delve into the common questions I receive from parents about how to navigate these essential conversations.
From the basics of when to start talking about sex to the importance of consent and respect, I share practical tips and insights to help you feel more confident and prepared. Whether you're raising little ones or navigating the teenage years, it's never too late to start these discussions and create a safe space for open communication.
Key Takeaways Start Early: Begin conversations about bodies, privacy, and consent from a young age, gradually building on these topics as your child grows. * Be Honest and Age-Appropriate: Answer questions truthfully while keeping the information suitable for your child’s developmental stage. * Normalise the Conversation: Use everyday moments, like TV shows or real-life situations, to naturally introduce topics related to sex and relationships. * Respect Boundaries: Teach your children about the importance of personal boundaries and consent, and model this behaviour in your daily interactions. * Lead by Example: Show your kids what healthy communication and respect look like by practising these values yourself. * Stay Calm and Open: Approach these conversations without judgement or criticism, and encourage your child to ask questions whenever they need to. * Use Reputable Resources*: Direct your children to trustworthy sources of information if they’re hesitant to talk directly with you, and ensure they understand how to evaluate the reliability of what they find online.
Other relevant episodes
https://marievakakis.com.au/why-doesnt-my-teen-listen-to-me-anymore/
Resources* Raising Children Network: Trusted advice on talking to kids about sex and relationships. * Scarleteen: Inclusive and comprehensive resources for teens on sex, sexuality, and relationships.
Feel free to reach out with your questions or share your thoughts with me about this episode—I’m here to help you navigate this important part of parenting!
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In today's episode, I chat with Dr. Sarah Ashton, a psychologist with over 15 years of experience and the founder of Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS). I'm excited about this guest because of her unique approach to addressing sexual health through a psychological lens. I like her work because it doesn't shy away from the topics that often make us uncomfortable but are essential for our wellbeing. We dive into the common misconceptions about sex and relationships, and why it's so important to talk openly about these issues. Dr. Ashton shares insights into the "sexual scripts" we've all internalised, often without realising it, and how they shape our intimate lives.
Episode Content: Sexual Scripts: We discuss how these learned patterns influence our expectations and behaviours in sexual relationships. * Misconceptions About Sex: Dr. Ashton talks about the rigid beliefs around sex, such as the notion that it must end in orgasm, and how these ideas can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction. * The Role of Culture in Sexual Beliefs: An exploration of how cultural background impacts our views on sex and relationships. * Mindfulness and Sensation in Sex: Practical tips on how to reconnect with your body and improve intimacy through mindfulness. * The Challenge of Finding the Right Therapist:* Guidance on how to navigate the search for a therapist who is a good fit for discussing sexual health.
Guest Bio:Dr. Sarah Ashton is a psychologist and the founder of Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS), the first practice in Australia focused on sexual health from a psychological perspective. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Ashton has been instrumental in creating spaces for open discussions about sex and relationships, offering evidence-based therapies and training.
Resources: Book: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – A highly recommended read for understanding sexual function with easy-to-understand language and practical exercises. * Website: https://www.shipspsychology.com.au/ – Visit for blogs, resources, and information on sexual health and intimacy. * https://sexual-health-intimacy-psychological-training.teachable.com/p/sexual-health-and-intimacy-training-community. * Instagram:*– Follow for regular insights and information on sexual health topics.
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Why Doesn’t My Teen Listen to Me Anymore?Do you ever feel like your teen tunes you out the moment you start talking? Or maybe every conversation seems to end in a heated argument? It’s frustrating, right? In this episode, I’m diving deep into the reasons why your teen might not be listening to you anymore and what you can do to change that. As a therapist and relationships educator, I’ve seen these patterns in so many families, and today, I’m sharing practical insights to help you reconnect with your teen.
In this episode, we’ll explore how the natural shift in your teen’s need for independence can lead to communication breakdowns, and I’ll offer some strategies to help you transition from being the “manager” of their life to a more supportive “consultant” role. Let’s dig into how you can model the behaviours you want to see in your teen, focus on building trust, and ultimately, foster a stronger connection with them.
Why Does My Child Seem to Ignore Me When I Ask Them to Do Something?As your child grows into their teenage years, their desire for independence increases. This can often result in them appearing to ignore you when you ask them to do something. It’s not always about defiance—sometimes, they’re asserting their growing autonomy.
Why Do I Feel Like My Child Doesn’t Listen to Me Anymore?If you feel like your child is no longer listening to you, it might be time to examine the way you’re communicating. Are you still acting as a “manager” in their life, or have you shifted to a “consultant” role? Teens respond better when they feel respected and heard, rather than managed.
Why Is Every Conversation with My Child Turning into a Battle?Constant correction and criticism can make your teen feel undervalued, leading to frequent arguments. Prioritising connection over correction can help reduce these conflicts and make conversations more constructive.
Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing My Connection with My Child?Losing connection with your teen can be distressing. Building trust through consistent, respectful, and empathetic communication is key to maintaining that important bond.
ResourcesConnected Teens Program: A six-module, on-demand training for parents of teens designed to help you build stronger, more connected relationships with your children.
Include Other Relevant Episodes and Videos* Is Your Teen Changing Overnight? Here's What’s Happening * My teens aren't interested in me. What do I do? * Watch on YouTube
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In today's episode, I chat with Amal, a dedicated counsellor and passionate advocate for young men's mental health. I'm excited by this guest because Amal has a unique perspective, transitioning from engineering to counselling, which gives him a fascinating approach to understanding and supporting young men's emotional lives. I admire his ability to explain complex mental health concepts in relatable ways, making it easier for parents and educators to support the young men in their lives.
Episode Content Young Men's Emotional Expression: Amal highlights the misconception that young men are not in touch with their emotions, explaining how societal expectations often hinder their ability to express feelings. * Role of Male Figures: We discuss the vital role of fathers and male role models in fostering emotional openness and how their involvement can positively impact young men. * Challenges in Diverse Communities: Amal shares insights into the unique challenges faced by young men from migrant and refugee backgrounds, emphasising the importance of understanding cultural stigmas around mental health. * Practical Advice for Parents: Amal provides actionable advice for parents on how to create an environment where young men feel comfortable discussing their emotions. * Analogies and Personal Stories*: Using powerful analogies and personal experiences, Amal illustrates the importance of community and vulnerability in supporting mental health.
Guest BioAmal Saleh-Zada is a registered counsellor with over ten years of experience working with adolescents, young adults, and adults. He considers the role of a counsellor to be a privilege and believes that humour is his biggest strength in the counselling space.
Amal is particularly interested in men’s mental health and is dedicated to creating a safe space for open discussions about feelings, emotions, and the challenges that men face. He understands that the quality of the working relationship significantly impacts the counselling process. Amal works collaboratively with his clients to help increase their self-awareness and explore any obstacles preventing them from living their best lives. He aims to develop the necessary skills for his clients to achieve their goals.
Amal works at a local highschool and at The Therpay Hub
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Hey everyone, it’s Marie Vakakis here, your host of This Complex Life. In today’s episode, I’m flying solo to chat about a topic that’s often a mystery to many – understanding the whirlwind of changes teens go through. If you’ve ever felt bewildered, stressed, or even a little left out by your teenager’s sudden transformation, you’re not alone. Today, we’ll delve into what’s happening for them and how we can better support them through these turbulent years.
Being a parent of a teenager can feel like navigating uncharted waters. One day they’re your sweet, cuddly child, and the next, they’re cranky, secretive, and shutting you out. In this episode, I break down the various changes teens experience – from physical and hormonal shifts to the emotional rollercoaster they’re on. We’ll discuss how to handle these changes, maintain open communication, and support your teen while they discover who they are. It’s all about patience, empathy, and understanding their world.
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding Adolescent Development: Learn about the significant physical and emotional changes that occur during adolescence, akin to the rapid growth seen from birth to three years old.
- Communicating with Empathy: Discover the importance of listening without judgment and validating your teen’s experiences to build a stronger connection.
- Negotiating Boundaries: Tips on setting boundaries through negotiation rather than dictation, helping teens feel included and respected.
- Allowing Safe Risk-Taking: The value of letting teens take risks in a safe environment to foster independence and problem-solving skills.
- Talking About Sex: Why it’s crucial to have ongoing, open conversations about sex, consent, and safe relationships with your teen.
- Keeping Communication Open: Strategies for letting your teen know you’re there for them without feeling suffocated or interrogated.
- Recognising When to Seek Help: Signs that indicate it might be time to seek professional support for your teen’s mental health.
Resources:
- Free eBook: Why Won’t My Talk to Me? – Download my free eBook for more detailed insights and exercises to help you connect with your teen.
https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/
- Connected Teens Program: Learn more about my program, which is designed to support families through the adolescent years.
https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Join me in this episode as we navigate the complexities of teenage development together. Remember, you’re not alone in this -
Submit a question to the Podcast
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Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
IntroductionIn today's episode, I chat with Michael, a family therapist and accredited mental health social worker, about the crucial topic of men's mental health. We delve into the often uncomfortable but essential discussion around shame and stigma, and how addressing these can lead to healing and stronger connections. I'm excited by this guest because Michael has a wealth of experience and insight into the unique challenges men face when seeking support. I particularly appreciate his perspective on emotional expression and the importance of sitting with our feelings.
Episode ContentKey Takeaways:* Men and Emotional Expression: Michael discusses how men often prefer solutions and the importance of encouraging them to sit with their emotions. * Impact of Shame: We explore how shame influences men's mental health and their willingness to seek help. * Overcoming Stigma: Michael shares strategies for addressing the stigma around men's mental health. * Building Healthy Relationships: Practical tips on how men can build deeper and more meaningful connections. * Finding the Right Therapist: Advice on what to look for in a therapist to ensure a good fit. * Support Systems: The role of support systems in helping men manage their mental health. * Personal Stories: Michael shares insightful stories from his professional experience that highlight the impact of addressing shame.
Guest BioMichael is a family therapist and accredited mental health social worker with extensive experience in men's mental health. His work focuses on helping men navigate their emotions and overcome the stigma associated with seeking mental health support.
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
n today's solo episode, I'm excited to share a powerful tool that can help transform your relationship in just one hour a week—the State of the Union meeting. Created by the renowned John and Julie Gottman, this technique is all about building stronger, more empathetic relationships.
In this episode, I discuss how dedicating just one hour a week to a structured conversation with your partner can make a huge difference. I'll guide you through the steps of these meetings, from starting with appreciation to tackling issues constructively. This is one of my favourite techniques to teach couples, and I'm thrilled to share it with you.
Key Takeaways:
- The importance of setting aside one hour a week for your relationship.
- How to start your State of the Union meeting with appreciation.
- Tips for discussing issues with a focus on personal feelings, not blame.
- Understanding and validating your partner's perspective.
- The ATTUNE acronym: Awareness, Tolerance, Turning Towards, Understanding, Non-defensive listening, Empathy.
- Making repair attempts and discussing missed or overlooked issues.
- How to end the meeting by asking what you can do to make your partner feel more loved next week.
In today's episode, I chatted with a leading expert in positive psychology who has dedicated his life to promoting mental health and well-being. I'm excited by this guest because he not only shares valuable insights but also speaks openly about his own experiences with mental illness, aiming to destigmatise these important issues. I like his book because it provides practical strategies for building happiness and resilience, making these concepts accessible to everyone.
Episode Content
- Destigmatising Mental Illness: We discuss how sharing personal stories can help reduce the stigma around mental health issues.
- Practical Mental Health Strategies: Learn techniques for improving mental health, similar to building physical strength at the gym.
- Debunking Happiness Myths: We tackle common misconceptions about happiness, including the idea that it should come naturally or that we should be happy all the time.
- Positive Psychology: Explore how shifting from traditional clinical psychology to positive psychology can enhance well-being.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Understand the balance between accepting our emotions and committing to positive actions.
- Toxic Positivity: Discuss the dangers of unrealistic positivity and the importance of acknowledging all emotions.
- Men's Mental Health: Highlight the unique challenges men face regarding mental health, including how depression can present differently in men and women.
- Supportive Relationships: Tips on how to be there for someone struggling with mental health without trying to "fix" them.
About
Dr. Tim Sharp
Chief Happiness Officer – The Happiness Institute
An internationally renowned leader in the field of Positive Psychology Dr. Tim Sharp (aka Dr. Happy) is a sought after Speaker and Facilitator, Consultant and Coach, Writer and Podcaster, Spokesperson and Brand Ambassador.
www.drhappy.com.au
https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtimsharp
https://www.instagram.com/thehappinessinstitute
https://twitter.com/drhappy
https://www.facebook.com/TheHappinessInstitute
@thehappinessinstutue IG and FB
Resources
- R U OK? Day
- Beyond Blue
- Black Dog Institute
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In today’s episode, I chat with Shannon Molloy, a journalist and author whose latest book, You Made Me This Way, delves into the impact of childhood trauma and the resilience needed to overcome it. I'm excited by this guest because Shannon's insights into trauma and resilience are both profound and relatable. I like his book because it provides a raw and courageous exploration of personal and societal issues, making this conversation both enlightening and inspiring. This episode covers a deeply moving topic that's often hidden behind closed doors and only shared with a therapist or a trusted loved one. By sharing Shannon's story, I'm hoping to destigmatise this often taboo and difficult subject.
In this episode, we discuss
Shannon explains how storytelling can humanise and address difficult topics. He believes that "when you put humanity back into a topic like child sexual abuse or mental health, you bring the community along with you, and that's when you can affect real change."
Shannon shares his journey in confronting and writing about his trauma. He candidly discusses the challenges he faced and the realisation that he is not alone in his struggles. "The suppression of it, I mean, and then, you know, the more I spoke to him, the more I looked into the topic, the more I realised that I'm not unique."
Shannon highlights the injustices faced by men who carry the burden of untold stories. "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that, this is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone."
Quotes
-
"You're not broken. You're not a deviant or in some way defective. This is a scientific reaction to the most unspeakable hurt inflicted on you as a child. This isn't your fault." - Shannon Molloy
-
"There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that that is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone." - Shannon Molloy
About Shannon Molloy
Shannon Molloy is an award-winning journalist and author with more than fifteen years' experience working for major media outlets spanning print, digital and publishing. He began his career at Fairfax in Brisbane as an award-winning news reporter and has since covered property, business, entertainment and human interest. He spent seven years working for News Corp as an entertainment reporter and feature writer, then as News Editor of news.com.au. He is currently the News Editor at realestate.com.au.
Shannon was the 2020 recipient of Journalist of the Year at the Mumbrella Publish Awards. His debut book, Fourteen, a memoir about growing up gay in regional Queensland, is a critically acclaimed bestseller that was turned into a sell-out hit stage production and is now being adapted for the screen.
Shannon also contributes to various charity organisations and founded the annual Clare Atkinson Memorial Scholarship for journalism at The University of Queensland.
Resources Mentioned
📖 You Made Me This Way by Shannon Molloy
✉️ https://www.shannonmolloy.com.au/
Information for support services related to childhood trauma and sexual abuse
Lifeline Australia
- Website: www.lifeline.org.au
- Phone: 13 11 14
1800RESPECT
- Website: www.1800respect.org.au
- Phone: 1800 737 732
Blue Knot Foundation
- Website: www.blueknot.org.au
- Phone: 1300 657 380
Kids Helpline
- Website: www.kidshelpline.com.au
- Phone: 1800 55 1800
Headspace
- Website: www.headspace.org.au
- Phone: 1800 650 890
Men's Line Australia
- Website: www.mensline.org.au
- Phone: 1300 78 99 78
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Navigating Conflict and Embracing Vulnerability
In this special Mens Health Month episode, I’m joined by John Flanagan, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and certified Gottman therapist. Today, we’re focusing on important aspects of men's mental health.
We break down myths about men and emotional expression, explore the importance of creating supportive environments, and share practical advice on how to talk about feelings. We also explore how conflict can strengthen relationships and why validation is key to effective communication.
Key PointsDebunking Myths about Men’s Emotions
- John challenges the idea that men struggle to talk about their feelings: "I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."
Creating Supportive Environments
- We discuss how to foster spaces that encourage men to share their emotions and feel safe doing so.
The Role of Validation
- Understanding how to validate someone’s feelings without agreeing with them: "You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."
Conflict as a Tool
- Discover how conflict can help you understand your partner better and strengthen your relationship.
Practical Advice
- Get actionable tips on fostering better communication and emotional expression, including the use of open-ended questions and creating safe spaces for emotional conversations.
Repairing Relationships
- Learn why making repairs after conflicts is crucial and how to do it effectively.
Community Support
- Explore ways to find support in your community, even outside of therapy.
Featured Quotes* "I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."
John Flanagan
- "You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."
About your guest
John has an extensive history working with and supporting individuals and couples since completing his Bachelor of Social Work in 1988 and later a Masters in Gestalt Therapy and certification in Gottman Couples Therapy.
John is one of the first two Certified Gottman Couple Therapists in Australia -
and only two Australians to hold the title of Certified Gottman Couple Therapist, Advanced Clinical Trainer and Consultant.
Not only does John provide the accredited training for all of the Gottman Levels in Australia, he also facilitates many other trainings to professionals, key note speaking to groups as well as being a co author of '365 Simple Ideas to Improve your Relationship'
John regularly has clients seek his services from all around the world.
Resources
Gottman card deck app - on smartphone
Books
7 principles to make marriage work by John Gottman
8 Dates book
John Gottman, PhD and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD. Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Emily Nagoski
Fight Right How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman
https://www.youtube.com/@TheGottmanInstitute
Contact
https://www.burleighheadspsychology.com.au/
https://relationshipinstitute.com.au/
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In this episode of This Complex Life, I chat with Simon Rinne, a lived experience therapist who specialises in men's mental health. Simon shares his personal story with obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, and burnout, offering a unique perspective on the challenges men face when dealing with mental health issues. Simon and I explore how depression differs between men and women, societal and cultural factors, and the importance of supportive environments.
Key Topics Discussed:
-
Simon's personal journey with mental health and his passion for helping others.
-
Differences in how depression manifests in men and women.
-
Societal and cultural influences on men's mental health.
-
Common signs and symptoms of depression in men.
-
Barriers men face in seeking help and how to encourage them to seek support.
-
The impact of depression on daily life, relationships, and family dynamics.
-
Practical strategies for couples to support each other through mental health challenges.
-
Simon on societal expectations for men:
-
"Thinking back to those days, the keywords that come up for me, particularly for guys, is the suck it up, you know, culture in Australia."
-
Simon on the role of anger in men's depression:
-
"Anger is the one that comes to mind and, you know, whether it's family, domestic violence, or it's just, they just feel angry with the world. Maybe they're having workplace issues or relationship issues and anger is, is, is the culturally accepted way that guys know how to deal with this stuff."
-
Simon on the importance of finding the right therapist:
-
"Whenever I speak to someone, I say interview your therapist or do some research on your therapist before you go in there. Because if you go in there, oh, there's a psychologist, or they're a mental health social worker or counsellor, whoever, and they're not interested in male depression, why are you in there?"
Follow Simon Rinne:
-
Website: https://mindful-men.com.au)
-
Mindful Men Podcast: Available on all major podcast platforms.
Get the full show notes and transcript here
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
If you've ever wondered about the real reasons behind addiction or how to navigate social pressures around alcohol, this episode is for you. In this episode, I chat with Tara Herster, a psychologist specialising in addiction and substance use. Tara breaks down common myths about addiction and offers practical strategies for managing substance use, dealing with social pressures, and exploring sober dating. Her insights challenge the traditional views on addiction and provide a fresh perspective on coping mechanisms and building authentic connections without relying on substances.
In This Episode, We Discuss:
- Understanding Addiction Beyond the Myths
- Addiction isn't about weakness or moral failure; it's often a coping mechanism.
- Tara's path from high school to addiction specialist.
- Addiction Isn't a Disease
- Addiction as a learned behaviour for dealing with stress.
- Tara's experiences in an inpatient psychiatric hospital.
- Practical Strategies for Managing Substance Use
- The HALT method: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (plus Hydrated and Health).
- “Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”
- Navigating Social Pressures Around Alcohol
- Strategies for handling social pressures.
- “I appreciate, I’m just not drinking today,” or “I’ve got antibiotics.”
- Sober Dating: Building Authentic Connections
- Tips for dating without alcohol.
- The FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.
- “You attract what you put out,” and “Building connections without substances can lead to more authentic relationships.”
- The Sober Curious Movement
- Exploring life without alcohol.
- The trend among younger generations.
Quotes from the Episode:
- Tara Herster:
- “Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”
- “Addiction is not an illness. It's not a weakness. It's not a disease. It is something that people have learned how to most effectively and most efficiently solve the problem of their experience.”
- Marie:
- “I love how you make it clear that it's okay to set boundaries and that you can still have a great time without drinking.”
- “If the idea of going on a date without a drink makes you nervous, Tara has some fantastic advice.”
Resources Mentioned:
- Alcohol and Drug Information Service: 1800 250 015, ADIS Website
Connect with Tara Hurster:
- Website: Tara Clinic
- Instagram: @taraHurster
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with your friends. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful conversations on This Complex Life.
In this episode, I address a heartfelt question from a listener, a 62-year-old father who feels disconnected from his teenage daughters. He is eager to understand their changing interests and how to maintain a meaningful relationship despite feeling sidelined. I provide insights into adolescent development, effective communication strategies without emotional pressure, and the importance of evolving from a managerial to a consultant role in parenting.
Themes:* Adolescent Development: Understanding the normal shifts in behaviour and interests as teenagers seek independence and form their own identities. * Effective Communication: Strategies for engaging teenagers in a way that fosters connection rather than conflict, including the use of open-ended questions and avoiding criticism. * Parental Role Adaptation: Transitioning from manager to consultant
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding Adolescence: It's normal for teenagers to seek more peer interaction and explore personal interests as part of their development.
- Communication Techniques: Utilising less critical and more curious approaches can help maintain a connection with teenage children.
- Role Adjustment: Parents can adapt their roles and approaches as their children grow, moving towards a consultative role that respects the child's growing autonomy.
"As parents, your job shifts from being a manager to a consultant as your child grows." — Marie
"Effective communication is about curiosity, not criticism." — Marie
SIGN up for Connected Teens
https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/connected-teens/
Submit a question to the Podcast
https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In this episode of "This Complex Life," I speak with Dr Lucy, We delve into the profound relationship between our mindset, eating habits, and overall well-being. Dr. Lucy, a dedicated medical practitioner and co-founder of Real Life Medicine, sheds light on the importance of understanding the psychology behind our eating patterns and moving beyond diet-centric approaches to foster a life filled with joy, energy, and health.
Whether you're struggling with diet culture, seeking sustainable health solutions, or curious about the psychological aspects of eating, this conversation might be just what you need
Themes:
- The Psychology of Eating: Exploring the impact of mindset on our eating habits and how societal pressures and diet culture contribute to our food choices.
- Beyond Dieting: A discussion on why focusing solely on weight loss is not the answer and how Real Life Medicine approaches health and well-being.
- Empowerment Through Knowledge: Understanding the role of processed foods, stress, and emotional well-being in our health journey.
Key Takeaways:
- Mindset Matters: Our psychological state plays a significant role in our eating habits, influencing both our food choices and our relationship with food.
- The Fallacy of Diet Culture: Dr. Lucy highlights the limitations of dieting and the importance of focusing on overall health rather than just weight loss.
- Navigating Stress and Emotions: The conversation uncovers practical strategies for managing stress and emotional triggers that affect our eating patterns.
Featured Quotes:
- "When you understand why you eat, that's the biggest piece of the puzzle." – Dr. Lucy
- "Processed food steals the joy of real food." – Dr. Lucy
- "Eating is not a team sport; it's an individual pursuit." – Dr. Lucy
About your guest
Dr Lucy is passionate about health. She helps women who have tried every diet under the sun optimise their health and achieve long lasting weight loss by improving metabolism and managing mindset so they can reduce the effects of chronic disease, have more energy and confidence and stop living life on the sidelines.
She was an “expert dieter” and an “expert emotional eater”. She developed obesity, fatty liver and pre-diabetes. As a medical doctor, this was mortifying. She has completely abandoned traditional dieting and embraces a real food lifestyle.
Dr Lucy is a medical doctor, a lifestyle medicine physician, and is trained in many facets of psychological medicine including hypnotherapy.
She runs online holistic health and weight programs with her colleague Dr Mary Barson. They have now helped thousands of women reclaim their health. They are both very real and relatable and embody their company name - Real Life Medicine
Mentioned Links and Resources:
Website https://www.rlmedicine.com/
The 12 week Mind Body Rebalancejoin the wait list
https://www.rlmedicine.com/12WMBR
Free Ebook Weight Loss is all about Hormones
https://www.rlmedicine.com/weightloss-ebook
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/reallifemedicine
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/real_life_medicine/
@real_life_medicine
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In this episode, I address a listener's question on how to support a daughter through the trauma of sexual assault with sensitivity and without adding to her burden.
Themes:
- Responding to Sexual Assault: Understanding the significance of a supportive response and how it can influence a survivor's recovery journey.
- Practical Tips for Support: I discuss tangible steps and strategies for supporting survivors, emphasising autonomy, safe spaces, and the importance of consent even in familial interactions.
- Navigating the Healing Process: Insights into the healing journey, acknowledging the uniqueness of each survivor's experience and the importance of patience and personal care in recovery.
Key Takeaways:
- Believe and Support: The paramount importance of believing the survivor and offering unconditional support, understanding, and empathy.
- Empowering Autonomy: Strategies to empower survivors by offering choices and respecting their autonomy in the healing process.
- Self-care for Supporters: The necessity for supporters to seek their own support, recognising the impact of secondary trauma and ensuring they are well-equipped to provide sustained assistance.
Featured Quotes:
- "Your support is crucial, and you can support them by believing them, being a good listener, and never blaming them." – Marie Vakakis
- "Approach with care and allow as much autonomy and choice as you can." – Marie Vakakis
- "Listen actively and with empathy, allowing her to express thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment." – Marie Vakakis
Mentioned Links and Resources:
- 1-800-RESPECT: A national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service for Australians.
- https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/mandatory-reporting-child-abuse-and-neglect
- https://fullstop.org.au/get-help/our-services
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In today’s episode, I dive deep into the heart of self-growth and relationships with the return of esteemed guest, Dr. Jenny Brown.
Join us as we explore her work on emotional maturity, based on her book, "Growing Yourself Up. How to Bring Your Best to All of Life's Relationships"
Together, we uncover the nuanced ways our personal development influences and is influenced by our relationships. Dr. Brown shares enlightening insights into achieving autonomy while fostering meaningful connections, grounding her discussion in both personal experiences and Bowen Family Systems Theory. This conversation is a
must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of self and relationships with grace and wisdom.
Themes:
- Self-Growth and Relationships: We delve into the symbiotic relationship between individual growth and our interactions with others, shedding light on the crucial role of self-awareness.
- Bowen Family Systems Theory: Dr. Brown demystifies this theory, making it accessible and highlighting its significance across the various stages of adult life.
- Navigating Autonomy and Connection: A closer look at finding balance between independence and relational ties, and the continuous journey towards maturity.
Key Takeaways:
- The Journey of Self-Reflection: Understanding our impact within relationships is key to our personal and relational growth.
- Lifelong Maturity: Dr. Brown reminds us that maturity is not a destination but a journey, offering growth opportunities at every life stage.
- Strategies for Family Dynamics: Practical advice on maintaining one’s self in the midst of family pressures, particularly during festive seasons.
Mentioned Links and Resources:
- Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.
- Past interview with Dr Jenny Brown - Episode 78 https://marievakakis.com.au/building-stronger-parent-child-relationships-a-conversation-with-jenny-brown/
About your guest Jenny BrownDr Jenny Brown has been working in the field of child and family mental health and family therapy since the 1980’s. She has been a trainer and supervisor in the field in Australia and internationally for over 20 years. Jenny is Emeritus Executive Director of the Family Systems Institute Sydney, which she co-founded in 2004. She currently directs the Family Systems Practice and the Parent Hope Project (manualized interventions in child mental health). She is a clinical member and supervisor for the Australian Association of Family Therapy and, in 2018, received the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy award for distinguished contribution to family therapy in Australia. In 2022 she received the annual research award from Bowen Centre for the Study of the Family in Washington DC.
Connect with Jennyparenthopeproject.com.au;
thefsi.com.au
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In today's episode, the tables have turned as Jodi Green interviews me, discussing some of the differences between coaching and therapy.
Key Insights:
- Coaching vs. Therapy: We discuss the distinctions between coaching and therapy in supporting folk with ADHD. We explore the differences and similarities
- Impact on Relationships: Addressing the ripple effects of ADHD on personal connections. From executive functioning challenges to time blindness and rejection sensitivity, we explore how these factors can influence the dynamics of relationships.
- Trial and Error in Therapy: Embracing the journey of self-discovery and experimentation. Highlighting the importance of building trust, recognising individual needs, and fostering a supportive environment for clients to voice their preferences.
About your guest
Jodi Green
''I believe in people with ADHD. I am here to be your coach and cheerleader as you find the sweet spot in your life, with ADHD in the mix. I am a certified ADHD Life Coach, and over the last 6 years I've helped hundreds of people living with ADHD. Personal and professional experience mean I know it's not easy, but I think I've figured out the perfect mix of support and coaching (IMHO!). If you are willing to believe in yourself, and want a partner to walk with you along the weekly ups and downs towards your goals, I'm your girl.''
https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/
Connect with Marie
The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
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In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with Jodi Green, an ADHD coach about ADHD, the impact it can have on relationships and strategies for managing it.
Key Takeaways:
- Jodi Green emphasises that ADHD coaching is not about forcing someone into doing hard things; it's more about making tasks achievable and finding strategies to make them more interesting or easier.
- Tipping points in life, such as transitions from high school to university or entering the workforce, can trigger a need for new strategies to cope with changing structures.
- Many women get diagnosed later in life, often due to shifting structures like motherhood, we discuss the importance of being open to exploring how tasks can be made more manageable.
- ADHD affects executive functions, such as planning, organising, and time management, which can lead to various challenges in daily life. These challenges are unique to each individual with ADHD.
- The impact of undiagnosed ADHD can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and internalised negative beliefs. Diagnosis can provide clarity and understanding, allowing individuals to reframe their experiences.
- Rejection sensitivity is common in people with ADHD, and it can affect relationships. Understanding that emotional reactions are often related to ADHD symptoms can help partners provide support and empathy.
- Effective communication in relationships involves recognising the root causes of behaviours related to ADHD. It's important to avoid the parent-child dynamic and instead focus on collaborative problem-solving.
- ADHD can lead to hyperfixation on certain tasks or interests. While some tasks may be less enjoyable, Jodi suggests finding ways to make them more engaging or outsourcing them.
- Jodi recommends that adults who suspect they have ADHD seek a diagnosis through a psychologist or psychiatrist. Don't hesitate to seek a second opinion.
- The transition from high school to college or the workforce can be a tipping point for individuals with ADHD, as structures change, and new challenges emerge.
- Coaching can be a valuable resource for adults with ADHD, helping them identify strategies and solutions tailored to their unique challenges.
- In seeking a coach, it's essential to look for professionals who have received specific ADHD coaching training and, if possible, are members of the International Coach Federation (ICF) to ensure ethical standards.
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
Connect with Jodi
https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/
Join me as we explore this common challenge and discover strategies to build better communication.
Key Takeaways:
- Teens want to feel heard, validated, and empathised with. Avoid offering unsolicited advice, as it can disconnect you from your teen. Instead, acknowledge their struggles, give them space, and ask for permission before sharing your advice.
- Chores and responsibilities can strain the parent-teen relationship. Balance out your interactions by acknowledging and appreciating their efforts. Show that you notice their good qualities and hard work, not just their shortcomings.
- Understand that teens' brains process information differently. They prioritise novel and external stimuli, so it's not about ignoring you intentionally.
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Understanding the Situation:
- School can be a whirlwind of activity, especially for teenagers. Multiple classes, changing environments, social dynamics—it's a lot to handle.
- The transition from school to home can be challenging. Teens may need time to decompress and de-stress.
- When parents bombard them with questions immediately, it can feel overwhelming and irritating.
💡 Tips for Better Communication:
-
Give Space: Instead of asking a barrage of questions, greet your teen with a simple "Hey, nice to see you." Let them know it's okay to take time for themselves. Connect later when they're more relaxed.
-
Find Common Ground: If your teen isn't enthusiastic about school, shift the conversation to their interests or hobbies. Ask about friends, sports, or any other topics they're passionate about.
-
Respect Their Routines: Understand that after-school activities, like tutoring or sports, may further drain their energy. Let them decompress on their terms.
connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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I speak about some of the unique challenges parents often face as their children transition into their teenage years. This phase can be a time of perceived rejection as teens assert their independence, leaving parents feeling less needed.
Key takeaways:
Understanding the Transition:
- Adolescence marks a significant shift from childhood to the teenage years, accompanied by changes in friendship groups and the move to high school.
- Teens naturally seek independence and autonomy as they explore their identities, often making parents feel rejected or unneeded.
Shifting Roles:
- Parents must recognise the change from a "manager" role to a "consultant." Your position description evolves, but you remain a crucial part of your teen's life.
- Avoid responding as if you've been "fired" from your role. Instead, consider how you can adapt to this new position as a consultant.
Managing Your Reactions:
- Reflect on how you respond to situations that might feel like rejection. Identify the specific triggers and your emotional reactions, such as sadness, loneliness, or frustration.
- Avoid projecting your hurt onto your teen. Be aware that your emotions are shaped by your interpretation of their actions.
Open and Honest Communication:
- Use clear, non-judgmental language to express your desire for connection. Instead of passive-aggressive comments, be direct about your wishes.
Modelling Accountability:
- Apologise and take responsibility for your reactions when you react poorly to a situation.
- Encourage your teen to communicate their feelings without feeling responsible for your emotions.
Addressing Hurtful Comments:
- When your teen makes hurtful comments, such as "I hate you," try to identify the underlying emotion, like disappointment or anger.
- Address the specific emotion rather than justifying your actions. Show understanding and empathy.
Setting Boundaries:
- Establish healthy boundaries to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Clearly communicate what you can and can't do to manage your time and commitments.
- Teach your teen the importance of setting boundaries by respecting their limits as well.
Prioritising Self-Care:
- Self-care is essential to maintaining your well-being and role-modeling emotional resilience.
- Demonstrating your ability to handle ups and downs calmly and collectedly can positively impact your teen's emotional development.
Remember, it takes a calm brain to calm a brain.
By focusing on understanding, empathy, and effective communication, you can navigate the challenges of this phase with your teenager while maintaining a strong and supportive relationship.
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Mentioned in this episode:
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In today's episode, we delve into a complex and deeply human emotion: rejection. It's a feeling that touches all of us at some point or another, and it's something that we all need to navigate.
Key Takeaways:
- Rejection is a normal feeling. It's often closely associated with sadness
- Rejection can show up following a range of situations from not getting a job to the end of a relationship, and it can be emotionally crushing.
- Our core beliefs and self-esteem play a pivotal role in how we process and respond to rejection.
- Rejection can also impact our self-esteem - the two can be closely linked
- Our brains don't like ambiguity, so they create stories to fill in the gaps when we face rejection. These stories can perpetuate negative beliefs about ourselves.
- How we respond to rejection can have a profound impact on our relationships and mental health.
- We're hardwired for connection, and our brains interpret rejection as physical pain. This explains why rejection can feel so agonizing.
- Some individuals have heightened sensitivities to rejection, which can stem from early experiences or conditions like ADHD.
- Rejection can lead to a sense of learned helplessness, which can further damage our self-esteem
In part one of this two-part series, we've explored the nuances of rejection and its profound impact on our lives. We've uncovered how our core beliefs, self-esteem, and responses play a role in how we experience rejection. Stay tuned for part two, where we delve into the complexities of rejection in parenting, particularly during the challenging transition from childhood to adolescence.
Mentioned in this episode:
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In this episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Jenny Brown, who has developed a project aimed at supporting parents in navigating the challenges of parenting adolescents.
I first came across Jenny in my family therapy studies, and her work has left a lasting impression on me. Her dedication to understanding and helping parents in their journey of raising kids and teenagers has been influential in my own work as a family therapist.
Throughout our discussion, we touched upon various aspects of parenting during the adolescent years. Jenny shares her expertise and offers valuable insights and guidance on improving parent-child relationships.
Key takeaways
Background and Project: Jenny Brown discusses how the Parent Hope Project is rooted in her earlier article, "We Don't Need Your Help But Can You Please Fix Our Children?" She emphasises the importance of involving parents in therapy, as the parent-child relationship is a crucial part of the therapeutic process.
Communication and Tone: Jenny and I talk about the importance of effective communication between parents and adolescents. We highlight the significance of shifting from a controlling or passive-aggressive tone to one that encourages open dialogue and collaboration.
Empathy and Understanding: The conversation emphasises the importance of empathy for parents and young people. Understanding the challenges and mixed messages that adolescents often convey and how parents can navigate some of these difficult conversations
Making a Project out of Yourself: Jenny advises parents to shift their focus from trying to change their child to making a project out of themselves. This means being aware of their emotional tone, adjusting their communication, and allowing their child space to grow and develop their own identity.
About Jenny
Dr Jenny Brown has been working in the field of child and family mental health and family therapy since the 1980’s. She has been a trainer and supervisor in the field in Australia and internationally for over 20 years. Jenny is Emeritus Executive Director of the Family Systems Institute Sydney, which she co-founded in 2004. She currently directs the Family Systems Practice and the Parent Hope Project (manualized interventions in child mental health). She is a clinical member and supervisor for the Australian Association of Family Therapy and, in 2018, received the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy award for distinguished contribution to family therapy in Australia. In 2022 she received the annual research award from Bowen Centre for the Study of the Family in Washington DC.
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Mentioned in this episode:
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In this episode, I explore the importance of preparing for therapy and what to expect. This podcast episode emphasises the importance of preparing for therapy by clarifying goals and expectations. It debunks common therapy myths, offers strategies to manage pre-session anxiety, and highlights the significance of building trust and effective communication with a therapist for a successful therapeutic journey.
Before booking your first session, it's helpful to consider what you want to achieve through therapy. This clarity can help you choose the right therapist and focus your efforts effectively.
Questions to Reflect On:
- Why Are You Seeking Therapy Now? Understanding the trigger for seeking therapy can provide valuable context for your sessions.
- What Are Your Hopes and Expectations? Define what you want to achieve through therapy and discuss these expectations with your therapist.
- What Goals Do You Want to Work On? Identify specific behaviours or changes you'd like to see in your life.
- Managing Pre-Session Anxiety: It's common to feel nervous before your first therapy session. You can prepare by reflecting on your feelings and using resources like workbooks to structure your thoughts.
Common Myths About Therapy:
Myth 1: Believing that nothing can help your problems is limiting. Therapy can shed light on patterns and beliefs that impact your life.
Myth 2: Expecting others to change without considering your role in relationships is unproductive. Therapy often involves self-awareness and personal growth
- Building Trust with Your Therapist: Trust in therapy is a two-way street. Communicate openly with your therapist about your needs, challenges, and preferences. It's essential to feel comfortable and aligned with your therapist's approach.
- Effective Communication with Your Therapist: Establish a communication style that suits you. Whether it's sharing feedback, asking questions, or requesting specific support, open dialogue can enhance your therapeutic experience.
Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and finding the right therapist for you is essential. If you ever feel uncomfortable or that your therapist isn't a good fit, it's okay to explore other options.
Get in touch with Marie contact@marievakakis.com.au
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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Get the journal
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/
In this podcast episode, I'm addressing the significance of "R U OK? Day," which falls on September 14th. This day serves as a reminder to discuss mental health and suicide prevention. I talk briefly about the history of R U OK? Day and its transformation into a vital social movement dedicated to preventing suicides.
Throughout the episode, I share some statistics related to suicide in Australia and the importance of sensitive language when discussing this topic. I debunk some common myths about suicide, such as the misconception that people who talk about it are merely seeking attention. I also stress that suicides often come with warning signs, and they can affect anyone, not just those with diagnosed mental illnesses.
Here are four essential tips for engaging in conversations about suicide:
-
Direct Communication: Approach someone you suspect may be struggling with suicidal thoughts with clear and direct questions. Ask if they're having thoughts of ending their life. Avoid vague or judgmental language.
-
Provide Support: If the person admits to having suicidal thoughts, work together to keep them safe. Connect them with appropriate professional help, such as a GP or a suicide hotline.
-
Follow Up: After initial contact with professional help, check in with the individual. Show that you care and want to support them through their journey.
Normalise Conversations: Encourage open discussions about mental health and suicide prevention. Seek out resources and training programs to improve your communication skills in this crucial area.
Remember that your support as a compassionate friend can make a significant difference. Suicide knows no boundaries, and the more comfortable we become with these conversations, the better equipped we are to help those in need.
For additional resources and training programs, please refer to the links and information provided below.
Resources
https://www.ruok.org.au/
https://www.lifeline.org.au/
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
https://mhfa.com.au/
connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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In this episode of "This Complex Life," I interview Patch Callaghan, a clinical psychologist, to explore the concept of values and their importance in therapy, specifically in the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Patch provides insights into the difference between values and goals, as well as practical tips on defining and living your values.
The conversation in this episode delves into the challenges of discovering and living by one's values, including how to handle discomfort, make decisions, and find psychological flexibility. Patch Callaghan's insights provide a valuable guide for those looking to explore and learn about themselves.
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding Values vs. Goals: Patch distinguishes between values and goals. Values are the underlying principles that guide our behaviour and choices, while goals are specific achievements or targets. Values provide the "why" behind our actions, giving them deeper meaning. Values are the deeply held principles and beliefs that guide our actions, behaviours, and decisions. They represent what is meaningful and important to us and serve as a compass for living an authentic and fulfilling life.
- Importance of Values: Identifying and living according to our values can lead to a more purposeful and fulfilling life. It helps us make choices aligned with our true desires, fostering authenticity and satisfaction.
- Defining Your Values:
- Start by considering various life domains, such as family, relationships, work, health, and leisure.
- Reflect on what is genuinely important to you within each domain, drilling down to specific values.
- Aim to narrow down your values to a manageable handful, around 5 or 6, that resonate deeply with you and activate a sense of purpose.
- Challenges in Identifying Values: Some people may struggle to discern their values. It's essential to explore, experiment, and learn through trial and error, seeking professional guidance if needed.
Three Tips to Define Your Values:
- Reflect on Life Domains: Consider different aspects of your life, such as family, relationships, work, health, and leisure, and identify what matters most to you within each domain.
- Drill Down to Specific Values: Delve deeper within each domain to identify specific values that resonate with you. For example, within the family domain, you might value connection, vulnerability, or reliability.
- Narrow Down to a Handful: Aim to narrow down your values to around 5 or 6 that feel deeply meaningful and guide your actions. These values should be tangible and connect with your desired future.
Importance of Defining Your Values: Identifying your values is crucial because they provide a clear sense of purpose and direction in life. Living according to your values fosters authenticity, helps you make choices aligned with your true desires, and leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. It allows you to navigate challenges and make decisions that resonate with your core beliefs and principles.
Resources
Bulls eye activity
Get in touch with Patch
https://actofliving.com.au/our-team/patch-callahan/
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In today's episode, I talk about complaining and how we address problems.
Complaining is not great for our mental health and wellbeing. It can create a habit in our brain to focus on negative things. It can also impact relationships.
Main Talking Points:
Complaining vs. Stating Facts: Often, we don't realise we're complaining when we think we're just stating facts or observations. This can lead us to believe our complaints are justified when in reality, they're often just negative thoughts in disguise.
Impact on Relationships: Frequent complaining can damage relationships and create a negative atmosphere. Recognising that what we express affects those around us is essential to maintaining healthy interactions.
Shifting Focus to Positives: Our brains are wired to seek out danger and negatives as a survival mechanism. However, constantly focusing on the negative can lead to finding more things that go wrong and that are negative. It's like we’re looking out for them
Embracing the analogy of "having a pony and needing to shovel shit" can help us reframe problems. Just as having a pony brings responsibilities, many good things come with challenges that need to be addressed.
Circle of Control or circle of influence: Understanding the concept of the "Circle of Control" can guide us in distinguishing what we can control, influence, or have no control over. This perspective helps us allocate our energy wisely and respond more thoughtfully to situations.
Remember, we all have the choice to decide what we focus on and how we respond. By becoming more mindful of our thoughts and expressions, we can reshape our mindset and approach to problems, ultimately improving our wellbeing and relationships.
connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
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Why do some people avoid couples therapy?
In this episode, Belinda and I talk about fears and hesitation surrounding couples therapy. We discuss stigmas and misconceptions that prevent people from seeking the help they need to nurture and grow their relationships.
In this episode
- Belinda and I discuss the value of couples therapy
- We talk about how to find the right therapist who can work with the specific challenges faced within your relationship.
- We discussed ways of navigating challenging conversations.
- We talk about the importance of being curious rather than critical during difficult discussions.
- The role of individual therapy and how it can complement couples therapy
Couples therapy can be a transformative experience for relationships, providing tools and insights to improve communication, connection, and conflict resolution. By being curious and seeking the right therapist, individuals can foster a deeper understanding of their relationship dynamics.
About Belinda Gibson
Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.
Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.
https://footscraycounsellingcentre.com.au/
Connect with Marie
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What is EMDR Therapy
In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and EMDR Therapy Trainer Caroline Burrows.
Caroline and I discuss the use of EMDR therapy and how we use it to support folks with traumatic experiences and difficult memories
Understanding EMDR Therapy?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a type of psychological therapy that activates the brain's natural healing capacity to overcome painful life experiences that keep impacting us.
The EMDR Process.
EMDR therapy can be broken down into eight phases, starting from building a strong therapeutic relationship to preparing the person for the processing of traumatic or negative memories and experiences. EMDR Therapy aims to help individuals gain control over distressing experiences, making them less vivid, reducing attached emotions, and changing the way they think about the events.
EMDR therapy isn't a one-size-fits-all solution.
The number of sessions and techniques used varies from person to person based on their needs and the complexity of their experiences. It's about finding the best fit for each individual.
Resource Building
Caroline highlights the importance of resource building. This phase involves equipping the person with coping skills and confidence both during and outside of EMDR sessions. These resources help them manage any emotional processing that continues after therapy.
Key Takeaways:
- EMDR therapy activates the brain's natural healing to overcome painful experiences.
- The therapy is personalised, with no fixed number of sessions.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions and advocate for yourself during therapy sessions.
- Resource building is essential to support clients in their healing journey.
- EMDR Therapy can benefit individuals dealing with trauma, depression, anxiety, and more.
Further reading or resources
- EMDRAA website: www.emdraa.org
- Mindful Living website: www.mindfulliving.com.au
- Free resources for the public: www.mindfulliving.com.au/resources/
- The book discussed: www.everymemorydeservesrespect.com/
Connect with Caroline
Caroline Burrows is an Accredited EMDR Trainer and Consultant with a background in Clinical Social Work and Psychotherapy. She has over 15 years of experience providing therapeutic services across community, hospital, medical and university settings.
She is the Owner and Director of Mindful Living, a group private practice in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne. As the EMDR Coordinator at The Melbourne Clinic, Caroline developed the first inpatient hospital EMDR program in Victoria. She has an infectious enthusiasm for EMDR Therapy and provides innovative EMDR training and consultation and clinical supervision to mental health professionals across Australia and abroad. Caroline loves encouraging, motivating and mentoring therapists as they embrace the opportunities that EMDR Therapy brings.
For more details, visit www.carolineburrows.com.au
Connect with Marie
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https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In this episode I’ll be talking about Bids for Connection, those small gestures that can make or break a relationship. From couples to parents and teenagers, we'll explore the importance of responding positively to these bids with kindness and love to create stronger connections and build trust.
Research has shown that a healthy relationship can have significant positive effects on our mental and physical health, while unhealthy relationships can have a negative impact on our mental and physical health.
One to build strong connections in intimate relationships is by using bids for connection.
Bids for Connection are little actions or communications used by someone to establish or maintain a connection with another person. They can be obvious or subtle, spoken or unspoken.
I share the three common ways people respond to bids
Turning Towards, Turning Away, and Turning Towards Unkindly
and why it's essential to be mindful of our reactions.
Key Takeaways:
- Recognising bids for connection fosters emotional intimacy and trust.
- Responding positively to bids creates a nurturing and supportive relationship environment.
- Missed bids can lead to emotional distance, conflict, and feelings of loneliness.
- Repairing missed bids involves acknowledging the oversight and making an effort to reconnect.
- Building strong relationships with teenagers involves turning towards their bids, even when they seem negative or hostile.
Remember, the quality of our relationships greatly influences our overall wellbeing. So let's start paying attention
Connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with psychologist Belinda Gibson for a candid conversation about the pressures of perfectionism and the pervasive feeling of not being good enough. We share insights from our client work and personal experiences, discussing how this belief can impact relationships and self-esteem without us even realising it. Join us as we explore ways to recognise and address these feelings, and learn how to engage in meaningful conversations with friends and family.
- Where do our feelings of "Not Feeling Good Enough" come from? We discuss how this belief is learned over time and becomes a strong, almost inherent feeling.
- Unpacking Shoulds: We talk about how the use of "shoulds" in language can indicate feelings of failure and not being good enough. We delve into how these internal judgments manifest in day-to-day life.
- The Pressure to Be Perfect: We discuss the societal expectation that we must excel in something to enjoy it fully, and how this belief stifles exploration and playfulness.
- Shame and Growth: We explore how shame can hinder our growth mindset, making it difficult to embrace vulnerability and learn new skills.
- Seeking Support: We talk about the importance of self-compassion and finding safe spaces and people to share our vulnerabilities and growth journeys.
Key Takeaways:
- The "not good enough" feeling can appear in various aspects of life, affecting our choices and behaviours.
- Societal expectations of perfectionism can hinder our enjoyment of activities we might otherwise find pleasurable.
- Shame linked to inadequacy can impede personal growth and learning new skills.
- Fear of rejection may lead to avoiding tough conversations, affecting genuine connections.
- Seeking support and finding safe spaces for self-exploration can be instrumental in untangling the "not good enough" feeling.
Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.
Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.
https://footscraycounsellingcentre.com.au/
Further reading or resources
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown: A book on embracing vulnerability and self-compassion.
- Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion Resources: Guided meditations and self-compassion checklist to foster self-compassion https://self-compassion.org/
- Inside Out (Movie): Check out this animated film that offers a creative depiction of emotions and inner struggles.
Full show notes link
https://marievakakis.com.au/episode70/
connect with Marie
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
https://marievakakis.com.au/
https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/
In this episode, we dive into the topic of worry with Dr. Lillian Nejad, a clinical psychologist with extensive experience in helping people manage anxiety and stress.
We explore the definition of worry, its relationship with anxiety, and common misconceptions about it. Lillian sheds light on the purpose and function of worry, highlighting situations where it can be helpful and when it becomes unproductive.
Join us as we discuss the impact of excessive worry on daily life and relationships, and explore strategies for managing worry effectively.
Key Talking Points:
· Worry is the cognitive expression of anxiety, characterised by thoughts that often start with "what if" and focus on anticipating negative outcomes
· Worry can also be centred around past behaviour and regrets, known as rumination, where individuals constantly replay events they wish had gone differently
· While anxiety is a feeling, worry is a thought process triggered by anxiety
· Worry serves a purpose by alerting us to potential problems, allowing us to take preventive measures, solve issues, or be better prepared
· Dysfunctional worry occurs when it fails to lead to problem-solving or resolution, becomes uncontrollable, and significantly impacts daily functioning.
· Excessive worry can affect concentration, sleep patterns, productivity, and overall wellbeing
· Worry can also impact relationships, as anxious energy can be sensed by others, even if not explicitly expressed
Key Takeaways:
· Worry is the cognitive aspect of anxiety, involving thoughts focused on potential negative outcomes.
· Understanding the purpose of worry helps differentiate between productive and unproductive worry.
· Dysfunctional worry hinders problem-solving and resolution, and can have a significant impact on daily functioning.
· Excessive worry affects concentration, sleep, productivity, and relationships.
· Recognising what can and can't be controlled helps shift focus to actionable steps and reduces worry.
· Developing strategies to manage and regulate worry is essential for overall wellbeing.
Resources:
• Skills for Life: Dr. Lillian Nejad's online portal for mental health resources and programs - website
• Contain Your Brain: An app designed by Dr. Lillian Nejad to help reduce worry and improve worry management.
• Books by Dr. Lillian Nejad:
• The Worry Book
• The Mindfulness Colouring Book
• Life Skills...
Workplace bullying, burnout, and work-related stress are significant issues that can have detrimental effects on individuals in various professions. It's essential to recognise the signs of workplace bullying, take action early, and prioritise self-care to prevent long-term negative effects on mental and physical health.
In this episode, our guest, Frances Caile shares her experiences and insights on workplace bullying, burnout, and work-related stress. She explains how she was drawn to social work and her transition to private practice to have more time to do good work without the politics of organisations and paperwork. She discusses her motivation for setting up her private practice and her specialisations in workplace bullying, burnout, and workplace stress.
- Key Takeaways:
- Workplace bullying is defined as repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards a worker or group of workers that creates a risk to health and safety
- Examples of workplace bullying include spreading rumours, excluding or isolating someone socially, intimidation, threatening a person's role or performance, undermining or impeding a person's work, and withholding necessary information
- Workplace bullying can have serious consequences on the mental and physical health of the victims, and it's important to seek assistance and support early to prevent long-term negative effects
- Work-related stress and burnout are common in high-stress roles such as social work, teaching, and healthcare, as well as in resource-constrained environments with high turnover and competition for promotion
- It's crucial to prioritise self-care, set boundaries, and seek support when experiencing work-related stress and burnout to prevent long-term physical and mental health issues.
Contact details for Frances
https://www.stresssupport.com.au/
Promo code for working ISW2023 for 20% off
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https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Helping women recover from interpersonal trauma and violence
Liz is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker who runs her own private practice called Breathe therapy. She's a mindful trauma therapist and is really passionate about supporting women to heal from childhood and adult experiences of interpersonal violence and abuse.
Liz has done some really incredible work and we talk about some of her social work journey, and how she incorporates various techniques such as act DBT, and mindfulness into working with women to recover from some of those experiences and diagnosis such as PTSD, anxiety, OCD, and other sorts of things that can really stem from those early experiences that women face. I hope you enjoy this episode with Liz.
Contact Liz
BreatheTherapy.com.au
Ashton talks us through some steps you can take to work towards your accreditation.
She shares some of the resources that she's developed, including her accredited Mental Health Social Worker roadmap, which is part of an ebook series, private Facebook group that she has, as well as her consultation and training
We talk about supervision and what we wish we knew when we were first starting out and the importance of that.
Guest bio
Ashton is a an accredited mental health social worker with a background of working in human services and mental health settings.
She has over a decade of experience in child protection, housing, forensic and mental health settings. She currently provides supervision to human services and mental health professionals across Australia. She is also the owner and director of Willowtree Wellbeing, a counselling clinic in Western Sydney, NSW.
Ashton is passionate about providing a safe and collaborative environment for supervision for social workers, caseworkers, team leaders and anyone who works in human services.
Contact guest
https://ashtonhayesconsulting.com.au/
Previous episode with Ashton
Episode 26 : From Paralegal to Social Worker. Working with children and trauma all while staying passionate about the work you do with Ashton Hayes
Supervision series
Part 1 Supervision
Part 2 - The benefits of Group Supervision
Part 3 Supervision - Understanding learning preferences
Inside Social Work Podcast
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Show notes: 65 Implicit bias, we all have it with Lachlan Slade
This is the second episode of a multi-part series examining gender and sexuality. In this episode we look at implicit bias.
About your guest Lachlan Slade
Lachlan, (he/they) is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker. He has worked in the space for about 12 years now in various spaces with LGBTIQA+ and trauma work.
Lachlan Slade grew up in Shepparton studying in Albury Wodonga, and Bendigo to complete their Social Work degree. Lachlan cofounded the Out in the Open Festival, Shepparton's first LGBTIQ+ Community Festival. Lachlan has dabbled in Community Radio, and Politics.
Work with Lachlan
Upcoming events Neutralising Queerphobia workshop, in Kannygoopna (Shepparton) as part of Out in the Open Festival, tix at outintheopen.org.au. The workshop explores implicit bias, ambient trauma and Allyship.
Lachlan's LGBTIQA+ focused Group Supervision sessions: https://events.humanitix.com/group-supe#organiserInfoBox
https://sladeconsulting.services
Email: slade.consulting@protonmail.com
Instagram: @lachlan_listens
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This is the first episode of a multi-part series examining gender and sexuality. How we as social workers can be more inclusive in our language and how we can work more emphatically with individuals and families.
About your guest Lachlan Slade
Lachlan, (he/they) is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker. He has worked in the space for about 12 years now in various spaces with LGBTIQA+ and trauma work.
Lachlan Slade grew up in Shepparton studying in Albury Wodonga, and Bendigo to complete their Social Work degree. Lachlan cofounded the Out in the Open Festival, Shepparton's first LGBTIQ+ Community Festival. Lachlan has dabbled in Community Radio, and Politics.
Work with Lachlan
Upcoming events Neutralising Queerphobia workshop, in Kannygoopna (Shepparton) as part of Out in the Open Festival, tix at outintheopen.org.au. The workshop explores implicit bias, ambient trauma and Allyship.
Lachlan's LGBTIQA+ focused Group Supervision sessions: https://events.humanitix.com/group-supe#organiserInfoBox
https://sladeconsulting.services
Email: slade.consulting@protonmail.com
Instagram: @lachlan_listens
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I hate baths. Reimagining self care with Yasmine McKee-Wright
Yasmine McKee- Wright is a social worker and podcaster.
She has learned a lot from some of the guests on her podcast, Social Work Spotlight. We talk about her journey, having students on placement and a bit of time on self-care. Jasmine shares some of the things that she does for self-care and some of the things that sustain social workers in their careers.
Connect with Yasmine
swspotlightpodcast@gmail
https://anchor.fm/socialworkspotlight
https://www.facebook.com/socialworkspotlight
https://twitter.com/SWSpotlightPod
https://www.instagram.com/socialworkspotlight_podcast/
Dr Yvette Vardy is a clinical psychologist with fifteen years of experience in the treatment of people with borderline personality disorder and those with complex issues and traumatic histories. Dr Yvette Vardy uses evidence-based practices and is passionate about providing treatments that lead to recovery or clinically significant improvements, ensuring clients are left with very tangible and concrete ways to manage themselves and their symptoms differently. She has a private practice in North Fitzroy, Melbourne, Australia.
Dr Yvette Vardy has established several Dialectical Behaviour Therapy programs in Australia and been employed as a senior clinical psychologist, supervisor and team leader at a number of hospitals. Previously, as Spectrum Personality Disorders Service of Victoria’s senior education officer, Dr Vardy visited numerous services and organisations across Australia, to help clinicians learn practical skills and helpful theoretical concepts in working effectively with BPD and individuals with personality disorders. Dr Vardy has completed her Comprehensive and Intensive DBT and DBT-PE training and enjoys sharing her passion for DBT by providing DBT-specific lectures and workshops, as well as individual and group supervision to clinicians seeking DBT training and support.
https://www.yvettevardy.com/
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Dr Jodie Richardson is one of Australia's leading lights in managing anxiety. An educational leader, Dr Jodi Richardson supports parents and teachers to change their relationship with anxiety, dial it right down and light the way for their children and students to do the same. Jodi is a professional speaker supporting whole school communities around Australia, the best-selling author of the books 'Anxious Kids' and 'Anxious Mums', hosts the popular podcast 'Well, hello anxiety' and is a mum of two.
Where to find Jodie
Website https://drjodirichardson.com/
Books https://drjodirichardson.com/shop/
Podcast https://podfollow.com/1585382774
Enquiries hello@drjodirichardson.com.au
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drjodirichardson/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrJodiRichardson/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-jodi-richardson-15589240/
Join the supervision group for school social workers and school counsellors
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/supervision/
Become a Youth Mental Health First Aider
Face to face in Footscray https://thetherapyhub.com.au/youth-mental-health-first-aid/
Online https://thetherapyhub.com.au/online-youth-mental-health-first-aid/
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Things to ask your therapist during your first therapy session Doing some research and planning before your session can help give you a sense of calm and help you work out if the therapist is going to be a good fit for you and your goals/ needs for therapy.
Finding the right professional or professionals and finding the right kind of treatment and support is a fine balance.
- What are your fees and cancellation policy?
- What training did you do?
- What Kind Of Therapy Do You Offer?
- How Will I Know We’re A Good Fit?” Do you have experience working with others who are in similar circumstances?
- What will Therapy look like moving forward?
- Can You Help Me Create Some Goals?
- Can I reach you in between sessions?
- What can I do in between sessions?
- How do you think I’m doing? How will we measure progress?
What if after all this it still doesn’t feel right?
Check out our blog post I saw a professional for help for my mental health but it didn’t work – what do I do next?
Join the supervision group for school social workers and school counsellors
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/supervision/
Episode 7 Youth Mental Health First Aid - interview with Dr Claire Kelly
Become a Youth Mental Health First Aider
Face to face in Footscray https://thetherapyhub.com.au/youth-mental-health-first-aid/
Online https://thetherapyhub.com.au/online-youth-mental-health-first-aid/
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In this week's episode, you’ll hear how Silvina started an inclusive drama program in Canada and ran it successfully there for a number of years before moving to Melbourne and starting it all over again.
Learn more here https://www.purplecarrots.com.au/
Join the supervision group for school social workers and school counsellors
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/supervision/
Become a Youth Mental Health First Aider
Face to face in Footscray https://thetherapyhub.com.au/youth-mental-health-first-aid/
Online https://thetherapyhub.com.au/online-youth-mental-health-first-aid/
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We all have different ways that we like to learn and engage with content. In this episode, I talk through some of the learning preferences that adult learners may have and how to tailor supervision to meet different needs.
If you are a supervisor it's really handy to know what works for your supervisee and if you're a supervisee it’s really helpful to know how you like to learn and what you can do and supervision to get the most out of supervision.
Join the supervision group for school social workers and school counsellors
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/supervision/
Become a Youth Mental Health First Aider
Face to face in Footscray https://thetherapyhub.com.au/youth-mental-health-first-aid/
Online https://thetherapyhub.com.au/online-youth-mental-health-first-aid/
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Caroline is an accredited EMDR, trainer and consultant with a background in clinical social work and psychotherapy. She has over 15 years of experience providing therapeutic services across community, hospital, medical and tertiary settings. She is the owner and director of Mindful Living, a group private practice in the Eastern suburbs of Melbourne. She had worked in The Melbourne Clinic so as an EMDR, coordinator where she developed the first inpatient hospital EMDR program in Victoria. She has an infectious enthusiasm for EMDR therapy and EMDR training, which will be obvious when you listen to her talk about it. She loves encouraging and motivating mentoring therapists as they embrace the opportunities that EMDR therapy brings. So for a bit more information about Caroline, you can head over to her website, https://www.carolineburrows.com.au/
Recommended resources
What happened to you - Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey
THe body Keeps Score - Bessel van der Kolk
Podcast recommended
Notice That https://emdr-podcast.com/
https://blueknot.org.au/
Episode 29 - EMDR explained
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-inside-social-work-podcast/id1459084811?i=1000482673871
Training
Carolines on demand training https://www.carolineburrows.com.au/on-demand-training-main
Upcoming EMDR part 1 training www.carolineburrows.com.au/basic-emdr-training
Join the supervision group for school social workers and school counsellors
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/supervision/
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Benefits of group supervision
Group supervision can provide unique opportunities to grow your skills, feel connected and normalise difficult situations or experiences.
Some of the benefits include
- Peer Feedback
- Social Networking
- Hive mind -Having Multiple Listeners, ideas and frames of reference for the Same Event.
- Developing Empathy, compassion and self-compassion
- Practice Public Speaking and Presenting.
Join the supervision group for school social workers and school counsellors
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/supervision/
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Adam works in tertiary mental health services. He's an accredited mental health social worker. Currently he works as a social Work Discipline lead in a hospital, and part of his role now is as allied health educator, supporting graduate social workers, and other allied health professionals as well as students on placement.
‘’I always knew that I wanted to work with people in like a helping profession.’’
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Supervision is SO important . It provides a forum for reflection and learning, review, reflection, critique and replenishment for professional practitioners.
One of the purposes of social work supervision is to enhance the professional skills and competence of the supervisee to achieve positive outcomes for the people with whom they work
Choosing a supervisor
It's crucial to find someone you can work with and trust
Some things to ask or explore - check out their linkedin profile, website or other profiles
- What is their background and work experience?
- Do they have any areas of specialty and/or interest? Does this match the work your doing or are interested int?
- Ask them what is their approach to supervision?
Check if they are
- Professional.
- Knowledgeable.
- You’re compatible
- Convenient / do they have the availability to mete your needs?
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We chatted about diversity, sexuality, being authentic in therapy, critical reflection, building trust, and sharing parts of your lived experience.
About Coby
Coby is an experienced mental health practitioner with a passion for life, health, and healing. As an advocate for good mental health, he regularly presents at conferences and workshops across different states in Australia and internationally. In addition, he has extensive experience working creatively with children (as young as 6 years old), adolescents, and adults from various backgrounds and cultures, assisting them in identifying and maximising their inner strengths and resilience.
Connect with Coby
https://liveyourstory.com.au/
Find out More about Youth Mental Health First Aid and Tuning into teens
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/
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Boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards us.
Elements of trust - from the work of Brene Brown.
Using the acronym BRAVING
Boundaries
Reliability
Accountability
Vault
Intergtriy
Non-judgement
Generosity
Healthy boundaries are cruicial components for self-care.
Some of the advantages of healthy boundaries include having good mental health, good emotional health, avoiding burnout and being a positive influence on others behaviour.
Consequences include stress, wasted time, financial burdens and relationship issues. Whether it's in work or in our personal relationships, poor boundaries may lead to resentment, hurt, anger, and burnout. A lack of healthy boundaries can negatively impact all areas of someone's life.
Boundaries help us take care of ourselves by giving us permission to say NO to things, to not take everything on. Knowing our boundaries and setting them are two very different hurdles to overcom
Know what they are
Start by working out your limits.
Remind yourself of the benefit of sticking to them
Be assertive and Communicate them
Communicate them often, frequently and clearly. This is your responsibility
People can’t read your mind. This make take practice to implement.
Try the following or other similar situartions to practice setting boundaries and being assertive.
- Did the barrister get your coffee order wrong? Ask them for what you actually ordered.
- Is a family member intruding on your dating life? Say that you'd rather talk about something else.
- Is a work colleague pushing his or her work onto you? Remind them that it isn't within your scope, you are busy with your own work, and direct them to someone who will be of better service.
- Did a friend do something to hurt you? Ask them to meet you for lunch and explain why their words or actions hurt you.
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Someone inviting you to an event and you’re too busy to attend? Let them know ‘’Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to say no this time.”
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Start with small adjustments
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Practice self compassion
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Be confident
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Keep it simple
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No need to explain why
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No need to apologise
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You may be able to offer an alternative
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Be clear about what “Yes” means
How to build a close and trusting relationship with clients while maintaining professional boundaries.
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We can learn so much from people's experiences of therapy. When someone shares their story of what they have found helpful and harmful, we need to reflect on what we are doing in our practices.
I have learned so much from the storied Ben and Carrie share on their podcast, Very Bad Therapy, and it was an absolute pleasure speaking to them for this episode on the Inside Social Work Podcast.
About this weeks guests
Ben Fineman is the cohost of the Very Bad Therapy podcast. He works as the Clinic Director of Sentio Counseling Center and the Chief Operating Officer of Sentio University, two new nonprofit organizations which use the emerging science of Deliberate Practice to improve the quality of therapist training and education. Ben is also an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of California.
Carrie Wiita is the other host of the Very Bad Therapy podcast. She runs MFT California, a free resource for those who want to become marriage and family therapists in California, and she coaches early-career clinicians from the grad school application process through their professional development as service providers.
MFT California - https://www.mftcalifornia.com/
Very Bad Therapy - https://www.verybadtherapy.com/
Sentio Counseling Center - https://www.sentiocc.org/
Sentio University - https://sentio.org/
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Impostor syndrome
What is imposter syndrome?
It’s not the same as having self-doubt. Sometimes when we learn a new skill or we’re trying something new for the first time we might not be confident and feel that we do it well.
Impostor syndrome is different it’s more about feeling like you’re going to get found out. It can impact your ability to perform and impact your career
So what can we do?
A good place to start is to try and recognise it.
Therapy and supervision can be helpful
Talking to friends and trusted peers
Look at the system, what is happening in the work environment?
Some things that have been recommended include keeping a diary and writing down positive feedback - cultivating a practice of - listening, to take in the positive responses.
The article mentioned in today's episode
https://hbr.org/2021/02/stop-telling-women-they-have-imposter-syndrome
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The importance of investing in ourselves with Helen Gray
Website - https://helengray.com.au/
Reset Your Mindset - Free webinar on the 4 steps to change your thoughts and change your future - https://www.eventbrite.com.au/x/reset-your-mindset-4-steps-to-change-your-thoughts-change-your-future-tickets-290056696387
REIGNITE - the professional wellbeing coaching program for health and social welfare practitioners - https://members.helengray.com.au/reignite/
Thriving Leadership Through Change workshops - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL0G1xhJnRE&t=1s
To chat to Helen about her work or learn more please email on hello@helengray.com.au or book in for a chat at https://helengray.youcanbook.me/
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Anxiety in Teens
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What is anxiety
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How to identify anxiety in teens
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Tips on how to initiate a conversation with your teen about their anxiety
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Self-help strategies
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How to know when your child may need professional help and what options are available
Piera unpacks some of the signs and symptoms of anxiety in teens.
She shares ways to start conversations with teens using the 5 steps of emotion coaching.
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Visit the website for the latest info and show notes https://insidesocialwork.com/
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Blog posts
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/how-can-i-approach-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety/
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/difficultconversationsteens/
Youth Mental Health First Aid Training
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/youth-mental-health-first-aid/
MHFA australia mhfa.com.au/
Here are the details to the free webinar series I am running, feel free to share it around.
https://mailchi.mp/1233dcd926c2/untitled-page
EMDR explained, with Caroline Burrows.
Caroline is an Accredited EMDR Trainer and Consultant with a background in Clinical Social Work and Psychotherapy. Through the delivery of innovative EMDR training and consultation services, she encourages, inspires and motivates EMDR therapists in their clinical work. She is also an experienced clinical supervisor. Caroline has 15 years of experience providing therapeutic services across community, hospital, medical and university settings. She is the Owner and Director of Mindful Living, a successful group private practice in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. As the EMDR Coordinator at The Melbourne Clinic, Caroline developed the first inpatient hospital EMDR program in Victoria, Australia. Outside of work Caroline is an animal lover and enjoys walking her dogs, laughing and sharing meals with friends and family.
Carolines private practice Mindful Living in Croydon, where people can access EMDR therapy (either in-person or online): www.mindfulliving.com.au
Carolines website where people can find out more about her EMDR training, consultation and clinical supervision services: www.carolineburrows.com.au
Upcoming MHPN meeting, Footscray Youth Network
What is mental health?
- It’s like health it’s on a continuum
- You can have good health or poor health
- You can have an illness and it can be managed and have good health
What are some of the barriers to help-seeking?
Help-seeking is low across all ages,
Young people are less likely to seek help
Low levels of stigma towards others but higher self-stigma, feelings of I can deal with it myself.
It’s hard to know what are normal changes, this can be tricky for people to recognise.
Changes during adolescence
- Changes in focus and mood
- Physical changes over time
- Body
- Behaviour
Like any other sickness, mental health problems result in missed days, work left undone and wasted opportunities.
What are some of the additional impacts of not getting treatment early?
- Educational outcomes getting the grades they want at school that they are capable of
- Impacts the study they may like to do later on
- Impacts on physical development
- Social development
- Making friends
- Relationships
- Withdrawn
Loneliness can be a factor, as you withdraw due to work mental health, you may feel more and more lonely and find it more difficult to reach out.
The MHFA course discusses some of the potential red flags/ things to look out for when someone may be struggling with their mental health, strategies for managing the initial support of friends, family and colleagues safely, and information on obtaining immediate assistance if necessary.
Can you talk a little bit about what somebody walking out of the standard and youth 14 hour class is really trained or educated to do specifically?
What’s it not
- Doesn’t teach counselling skills
- Doesn’t teach you to diagnose
It gives you some education around the clusters of symptoms you may notice and helps you potentially identify if someone is in crisis.
‘’If you’ve seen major changes (negative changes) in someone’s feelings, thinking and behaviour.If it appears to be having an impact on their ability to function, enjoy relationships study etc and it’s lasted more than a couple of weeks they need help. ‘’
Often people are scared they’ll make things worse or being nosey.It’s ok to have these conversations,
Mental Health First Aid, helps you have a plan in place and connect with someone. It’s different to being a professional on the treatment side of things
Tips for doing the course
Everyone should attend a mental health first aid course
Just like everyone should attend a physical first aid course.
It’s a different set of skills than what’s delivered in the curriculum, so consider doing a course.
If you have an interest in mental health, then consider becoming an instructor.
https://insidesocialwork.com/episode7/
To find out more about mental health first aid check out the MHFA website
https://mhfa.com.au
Resources:
https://www.samhsa.gov/programs
https://mhfa.com.au/courses
https://mhfa.com.au/mental-health-first-aid-guidelines
Join Marie and become a Youth Mental Health First Aider
EALRY BIRD—— before the 31st October promo code PinkFlamenco2021
https://thetherapyhub.com.au/online-youth-mental-health-first-aid/
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Lauchlan has a special interest counselling teens and adults who are experiencing trauma or anxiety, and with people from LGBTIQA+ communities.
Lauchlan runs LGBTIQA+ small group supervision for practitioners and other professionals.
If you would like to hear more about Lauchlan’s social work journey check out our earlier interview on episode 20.
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-inside-social-work-podcast/id1459084811?i=1000472746380
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Visit the website for the latest info and show notes https://insidesocialwork.com/
Support the show by making a contribution https://www.paypal.me/Insidesocialwork
Subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts!
In this episode, Allison and I discuss the importance of gender-inclusive health care. We discuss ways individual practitioners can show support, be a safe person to talk to and other ways to be a more inclusive practitioner.
Allison shares with listeners how she recognised a need for inclusive health care and applied for an innovation challenge , to create a gender clinic in Melbourne's West, and won!
About our guest
Allison Parker has a wide range of experience in health care, as a nurse and paramedic. Currently Allison is Innovation Lead of the Transgender, Gender Diverse & non binary innovation challenge at IPC Health.
Some resources Allisons shared
Wyndham City council run Q group, a group for ages 12-25 years of the LGBTIQA+ community- a youth led space to provide support and recreational activities.
youthinwyndham@wyndham.vic.gov.au
For parents to seek support and information about their child’s gender identity
Parents of Gender diverse children:
www.pgdc.org.au
Drummond Street Services has Queerspace for folks who identify as LGBTIQA+ they provide counselling, case management, advocacy and also training and professional development
www.queerspace.org.au
Transgender Victoria TGV is Victoria’s leading body for trans and gender diveradvocacy. TGV is Victoria’s leading body for trans and gender diverse advocacy.
www.tgv.org.au
For resources and support
Minus 18- a youth organisation , amazing service to support the young people who are part of the LGBTIQA+ community
www.minus18.org.au
NWPHN- for resources and training for professionals
www.nwmphn.org.au
Thorne harbour Health ( formally the Victorian AIDS council): for resources and support for the LGBTIQA+ community and professionals for PD and resources
www.thorneharbour.org
https://www.lgbtiqhealth.org.au/
https://nwmphn.org.au/for-primary-care/trans-gp-module/
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Managing Burnout in Private Practice.
Karen shares with listeners her Social Work journey. We talk about working with women and children, managing burnout and the importance of supervision.
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Contact Karen
http://karenbarrett.com.au/
https://www.facebook.com/karenbarrettclincalsocialworker/
In this episode, Jack shares his passion for policy. He highlights some of the roles social workers can play that are not in direct practice, and how valuable and important those roles are
Katilin is a recent graduate currently working in Katherine NT in an aboriginal controlled health service as a dual diagnosis worker.
The work she does is complex for so many reasons , and she was considering working up to the Northern Territory; she struggled to find any information about what social work would look like in that area.
Kaitlin shares with listeners how she has made a network and formed a community, managing boundaries in a small town and being a graduate social worker working away from home.
Resources mentioned by Kaitlin
https://ntgpe.org/workingwell/pdf/kartiya_are_like%20_toyotas.pdf
How are you showing up in the job hunting space? With Kate Taylor
Founder and managing director of TaylorCare group Kate Taylor, runs a recruitment agency in community services for 8 years and is a RUOK Ambassador and entrepreneur.
In this episode Kate Taylor shares some of her tips to improve your resume and cover letter. She talks about how all communication you have is part of the first impression.
Listen to the episode to find some ways to improve your resume ,cover letter and some tips to make you more employable and a more successful candidate in the jobhunting space
In todays interview she answers the following questions
- How can we make sure our application stands out when applying for jobs?
- Why now is ideal time to move jobs post pandemic and restrictions lifting
- What are recruiters & employers looking for when shortlisting people’s applications
- What support is available with cover letters & cvs
- What’s your secret top tip for interviews in community services.
Check out our previous interview → Episode 24 you don't get a second chance to make a first impression
attend a Youth Mental Health First Aid training https://thetherapyhub.com.au/youth-mental-health-first-aid/
Future proof your career
https://www.taylorcare.com.au/future-proof-your-career
Supporting father with Don Alford
This episode's guest is Dom. Dom Alford works as A Project Coordinator - Support for Fathers at Relationships Australia Victoria.
Resources from todays episode
https://www.relationshipsvictoria.com.au/
https://supportforfathers.com.au/
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Visit the website for the latest info and show notes https://insidesocialwork.com/
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Amberly shares her experience working in disability services as a support worker. She has worked through recent bushfires the Covid 19 pandemic and lockdown and currently dealing with flooding.
We talk about self-care ,advocacy, intersectionality and working with high support needs . Amberly shares her ideas on how to get through so many difficult environmental and community based crises and stresses.
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Exploring mindfulness with Associate Professor Craig Hassed.
Associate Professor Craig Hassed, shares with listeners some of basics of mindfulness, what it is, how we can do it and what the benefits are. He also shares how we can use it to reduce our own mental clutter while also sharing tips on how to introduce it in our work.
About Associate Professor Craig Hassed.
Associate Professor Craig Hassed OAM has been working within the Faculty of Medicine at Monash University since 1989. He now also teaches into a number of other faculties and is coordinator of mindfulness programs across Monash. His teaching, research and clinical interests include mindfulness, mind-body medicine, lifestyle medicine, integrative medicine and medical ethics. Craig developed and integrated into the Monash medical curriculum the world-first mindfulness-based healthy lifestyle course called the Health Enhancement Program. He has authored over 100 papers in peer-reviewed journals and is regularly invited to speak and run courses in Australia and overseas in health, educational, government and corporate contexts. Craig has collaborated with a number of Australian and international universities helping them to integrate similar content. Craig was the founding president of Meditation Australia, is a regular media commentator, and has published 13 books and 14 book chapters. Craig featured in the documentaries, The Connection, and My Year of Living Mindfully. He co-authored with Richard Chambers the two free online Mindfulness courses in collaboration with Monash University and FutureLearn, both of which are rated by Class Central among the leading online courses in the world. In 2019 Craig was awarded the Medal of the Order of Australia (OAM) for services to Medicine.
Links to resources mentioned
Mindfulness based cognitive therapy course
https://www.monash.edu/medicine/scs/southern-synergy/mindfulness/mbct-prof-training
Future learn, mindfulness for peak performance
https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance
Craigs book - new edition coming out June 2021
Mindfulness for Life By: Dr. Craig Hassad, Dr. Stephen McKenzie Join the Inside Social Work Facebook Group
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Working with young people in forensic services
In this episode, Susan Hancox shares her experience working in forensics services. She shares with the listeners her journey into social work and further studies in psychology. We discuss the raise the age campaign and some of the reasons that social workers, other allied health, and medical professionals were advocating to increase the age of criminal responsibility.
Some resources and readings recommended by Sussie
http://www.worthasecondchance.com.au/take-action/raise-the-age/
https://www.racp.edu.au/news-and-events/media-releases/doctors-lawyers-experts-unite-in-call-to-raise-age-of-criminal-responsibility
| age of criminal responsibility - RACP Following Universal Children’s Day, doctors, lawyers, health and human rights experts from across Australia are calling for the age when children can be held criminally liable to be raised to at least 14 years so that primary school-aged children are not entangled in the criminal justice system. www.racp.edu.au |
https://jss.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Raising-the-age-of-criminal-responsibility-There-is-a-better-way.pdf
| Raising the Age of Criminal Responsibility Internationally, strong systems support children in trouble in meaningful and holistic ways. These examples show us that raising the age of criminal responsibility is possible. jss.org.au |
https://www.raisetheage.org.au/
| Raise The Age Our petition. To my State Premier or Chief Minister and State/Territory Attorney-General, right now in our state children between 10 and 13 years olds are locked up in prison. Medical experts say that children’s brains are still developing, especially the parts that regulate judgment, decision-making and impulse control. www.raisetheage.org.au |
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-27/raise-the-age-of-child-criminal-responsibility-in-australia/12483178
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Jude is an accredited mental health social worker, counsellor and therapist. In this week's episode, she shares with listeners her journey leading to working in perinatal and infant mental health. She talks about some of the challenges working in that space and what it can bring up for you about your own childhood and relationships within your family. Jude discusses some of the main theoretical frameworks that she uses in her work and talks about how she integrates them when working with parents and babies. Jude has a passion for learning and is a lifelong learner , she encourages listeners to read as many resources as they can attend professional development opportunities and find a really good supervisor and peer group to support you in your journey in your selected field.
Resources Jude Mentions
https://marcesociety.com/
https://www.aaimh.org.au/
https://waimh.org/
https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/
Books
Becoming Attached by Robert Karen
The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert
Attachment in Psychotherapy by David Wallin
Another Chance to be Real by Donald and Deandra Roberts
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In this week's episode, I interview Justine Grimmer about her experiences working in ED mental health services. Justine has come into social work after a number of years working in welfare and community development roles and several attempts at trying to work at the teacher. She found her heart was in social work, went back to university in her 30’s to study social work. She has worked in a range of different settings and in a range of services. Justine shares with listeners her journey to social work her experience working in hospital social work and some of the challenges that can come working in multidisciplinary teams within a medical model.
Justine's tips for social work students and new graduates is to get to know yourself, to understand what drives you, what challenges you and what's important to you.
Justine recognises the importance of supervision and connecting with other social workers and recommend a few different options for connecting with other social workers and professional networks.
https://www.aasw.asn.au/practitioner-resources/practice-groups
https://www.aasw.asn.au/professional-development/continuing-professional-development-cpd
https://www.mhpod.gov.au/
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Dr Rosemary Higgins joins me in the podcast to discuss Motivational Interviewing. Rosemary has vast experience in the domains of research and practice. With over 50 publications in peer reviewed journals she is internationally renowned in her field.
Rosemary is interested in the areas of lifestyle and behaviour change including smoking cessation and improving health and psychocardiology and adjustment to chronic illness, including neurological disorders, heart disease, cancer and diabetes.
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Working in mental health advocacy and peer work.
In this week's episode, Matthew Jackman shares with listeners some of his experiences being a social worker and service user. Matthew has been in the out of home care system and the foster care system as well as having psychiatric mental health services involved in his life.
Matthew encourages us to rethink how we work with clients, to think systemically, and to continue to challenge ourselves as professionals.
What's the most recent book you’ve read?
Feminsit therapy by Bonnie
What's the last tv show you binge watched?
Ozark
What's one dish you cook well?
Lean cuisine ?
Uber eats
Pad thai
Favourite things to do on a day off?
Tennis
Drive and day trips
Back up career? What did you want to be when you were a kid?
Journalist
Paramedic
Singer
A quote or mantra that resonates with you?
Nothing about us without us
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Jo and Alice return the podcast to update listeners on their upcoming social work talks quarterly issue. We recap some of the key areas from previous issues, looking at decolonising social work and mental health in social work.
The next issue of Social Work Talk Quarterly is all about social work education. Jo and Alice share their inspiration for this topic and some of the ways they are challenging educators to think about how social workers are created and trained.
https://www.facebook.com/socialworktalkquarterly/
The previous episode with Jo and Alice, episode 13 was in December 2019
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-inside-social-work-podcast/id1459084811?i=1000459713683
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Amanda shares with listeners her social work journey, navigating the disability sector, working in statutory services in the UK, and traveling across the world on the Churchill fellowship. She has carved out a niche for her private practice working in Parkinson's care. Listen to the episode to hear Amanda's story.
Amanda is an accredited mental health social worker, she has a Bachelor of Social Work, a Certificate in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, a Certificate IV in Assessment and Training. She has over 19 years of experience working with individuals and families affected by chronic illness. Amanda offers Parkinson's Specific Counselling for individuals and families.
In 2007, she was awarded a Churchill Fellowship to investigated models of care for Young-Onset Parkinsons Disease. Her recommendations were accepted by Parkinsons Australia and led to the inaugural Young Onset Parkinsons Conference.
Having previously worked for Parkinsons Victoria, she is passionate about supporting people faced with neurological illness and is experienced supporting people through her past work over the helpline, facilitating support groups, coordinating support forums and conducting family meetings.
What advice do you have for the audience?
‘’Get educated and learn about the subject matter’’
- Take self-care seriously
- Committed to your own self-care
- Exercise
- Sport
- Hobby
‘’Our work is unseen, you may never know the impact of your work’’
What's the most recent book you’ve read?
Podcasts - Brene Browns Unlocking us
What's the last tv show you binge-watched?
Outlander
What's one dish you cook well?
Spaghetti bolognese
Favourite things to do on a day off?
Bike ride
Back up career? What did you want to be when you were a kid?
Actor, photography
A quote or mantra that resonates with you?
Try to be your best self
The best version you can be
Check out Amanda's Churchill fellowship report https://www.churchilltrust.com.au/project/?id=PR0012817
https://www.parkinsonsvic.org.au/images/site/publications/Annual_Reports/Parkinsons_Vic_Annual_Report_2008.pdf
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In this week's episode, I talk with Louise Pearson. Louise is an accredited mental health social worker with over twenty years of experience in the disability and community sector. She has completed training as a Gestalt Psychotherapist and is also a grief and bereavement counsellor working in Melbourne’s North-East
We talk about the grief and loss that can accompany chronic illness and disability. We explore some of the needs that people have when they are coming to terms with a recent diagnosis or a change in their health that means they’re not able to do the things that they used to do before.
Louise shares with listeners some of her personal story and journey in social work.
Louise has a lot of experience and has engaged with additional study and professional development in the loss and grief space. Louise remains passionate about continuing education and encourages listeners to explore gaps in knowledge and read books, listen to talks, and find ways to enhance your learning. She has a list of resources she recommends available on her website also in the links below
‘’Its ok to be impacted and affected by clients, their stories touch our hearts’’
Resources
Get in touch with Louise
www.louisepearson.com.au
Books and other resources Louise recommends https://www.louisepearson.com.au/resources
Join Louise's mailing list https://mailchi.mp/fcda67176cd2/sign-up
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Listen to Blake share some of his experiences working in a men's behaviour change program.
Blake is an accredited mental health social worker, working across a variety of settings including mental health, substance misuse, domestic violence, sexual offending, child protection, adolescent violence and disabilities. He refined his practice working as Primary Practitioner on Men’s Behaviour Change Programs, and has developed an approach he regards as male-positive, pro-feminist, child-centred, intersectional, and trauma-informed.
https://blakejohnscounselling.com/
https://www.anrows.org.au/
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In this week's episode, I talk with Caroline Burrows about EMDR.
Caroline talks us through what EMDR is and what it can be used for.
Caroline is an Accredited EMDR Trainer and Consultant with a background in Clinical Social Work and Psychotherapy. Through the delivery of innovative EMDR training and consultation services, she encourages, inspires and motivates EMDR therapists in their clinical work. She is also an experienced clinical supervisor. Caroline has 15 years of experience providing therapeutic services across community, hospital, medical and university settings. She is the Owner and Director of Mindful Living, a successful group private practice in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. As the EMDR Coordinator at The Melbourne Clinic, Caroline developed the first inpatient hospital EMDR program in Victoria, Australia. Outside of work Caroline is an animal lover and enjoys walking her dogs, laughing and sharing meals with friends and family.
Carolines private practice Mindful Living in Croydon, where people can access EMDR therapy (either in-person or online): www.mindfulliving.com.au
Carolines website where people can find out more about her EMDR training, consultation and clinical supervision services: www.carolineburrows.com.au
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Liz Andrew- Brake is a qualified Social Worker that is AASW registered. She has been working in the Child Protection field for the past 12+ years. She’s worked in a variety of roles in New Zealand, United Kingdom, and Australia in both government and non-government organisations (Child Protection Social Worker, Case Worker, Team Leader, and Manager) and currently works with an NGO as a Practice Lead for Child Protection and Early Intervention.
Liz is passionate about good quality practice in the child protection field and also about the professionalisation of Social Workers and Case Workers in Australia. She sees career development, reflective practice, and good quality support as key things that ensure that there are skilled workers in the child protection field which then leads to the most important thing- that we see positive outcomes for children, young people, and their families.
You come with all that history as a child protection worker when you knock on someone's doors
What are some of the misconceptions about child protection?
Working with abuse and neglect, some people assume the parents are cruel or bad people
People do things because of their own history and background. Trauma, family, people parent how they were parented.
What are some of the challenges of working in child protection?
Losing social work identity. You can be disconnected from the social worker role.
Time-poor & resource-poor.
Get into survival mode
Get caught up in that
What are some tools or resources you can recommend?
Being connected to other social workers can prevent burnout
- Make sure that you have a social work supervisor
-
- In supervision tell them what you want to get out of it
- CP does raise a lot of things for people, system issues, bureaucracy, trauma, and abuse
- Self-care
- Whatever energy you're putting out, put in
- Self-care needs to be long term and at the moment
- Exercise and eating well
If there’s one piece of advice you could impart to the audience, what would it be?
Honing in on your why.
What made you become a social worker and revisiting that.
Course - The practitioner passion project
For practitioners who have lost their mojo
Starting 6th July, offering Modules and coaching
Get in touch with Liz
Link to Liz’s website:
http://lizandrewbrake.com/
Practitioner Passion Project
http://lizandrewbrake.com/the-practitioner-passion-project/
People can follow her on Instagram or facebook @LizandrewBrake.com
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‘’Thinking big’’ providing counselling in a women's refuge and starting a social enterprise.
Jen Wiedman
Jen has had a very diverse and interesting career. In this interview, she shares with listeners some of her journey and what inspired her to become a social worker. We discuss so much in this episode. We explore some of the frameworks Jen draws on when working in her counselling practice, managing self-care and reducing burnout and connecting with others Jen is an accredited mental health social worker, working in public health, private practice and is the founder of a social enterprise, 4th space.
Jen has us thinking about
What's motivating you to be in this space?
Why are you in it?
Why are you wanting to do this work?
Things to consider
Working to reduce the power imbalance
Supervision is important
Feeling powerless and hopeless → at the system
Holding the space and hope
Trusting your knowledge and instinct
Vicarious trauma
→ It's going to happen
Self-care practices
Knowing yourself, your triggers, supportive network
Find Jen
https://www.jenwiedman.com/
https://www.jenwiedman.com/about-counselling-psychology-services
www.4thspace.com.au
Resources recommended by Jen
Ikigai
See what you made me do. By Jess Hill
If you're interested to check out some engagement activities around things like
- Your local MHPN
- Events
- National days and events
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In my interview with Ashton Hayes, she shares her journey starting off as a paralegal working in family law. Her career took on a new trajectory as she discovered she felt she could do more hands-on work as a social worker.
Ashton Hayes (Bachelor of Social Work (Hons); Master of Criminology and Criminal Justice), is an accredited mental social worker with many years of experience working with children and families. She is passionate about working with people who have experienced trauma and works collaboratively with each client to create a safe and positive therapeutic experience. Ashton utilises a number of different modalities and creative approaches, in consultation with her client, in order to create a supportive environment. Ashton is also a clinical supervisor and leadership coach who uses a trauma-informed approach to support supervisees and leaders in their roles as well as helping them to achieve their career goals.
She talks about how she felt children were being left behind in family law and the legal system. So she made the move from family law to social work.
Some key parts of this interview
- You’re allowed to ask for support
- Don't engage in comparative suffering
- Watch the power, clients are inherently powerless in the system
- Take time to nurture yourself, you can't pour from an empty cup
- Supervision is VERY important
- Watch the golden girls for self-care
- Joining groups with other social workers
- Keep a reflective journal
https://willowtreewellbeing.com/
https://willowtreewellbeing.com/support-for-professionals
link to the therapod mentioned https://therapyblanket.com.au/products/therapy-pod
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Suzanne Doorakkers is an AMHSW and director of a large group practice, Emerald Tree Counselling, in Geelong. Last year Suzanne was elected onto the AASW board and shares some of her experiences being on a board for an organisation she is a member of. Hear about how Suzanne moved from an interest in science and nursing to becoming a social worker.
Suzanne is very passionate about the student experience and feels having a good placement can be a great start to your career.
‘’Because we do it for someone, we assume someone should do it for us. No one does it for us.’’
Self-care tips from Suzanne:
- Only take on clients who she’s passionate about/ enjoys
- Doing the kind of work you enjoy doing
- Fierce with her family time and protecting it
Ways to get involved (and make lifelong friends)
Read the AASW newsletter, there are lots of resources and expressions of interest.
Attend a peer supervision group
Go to a MHPN network meeting
Facebook group the business of social work
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1919283988289631/
Join the Inside Social Work Facebook Group
https://insidesocialwork.com/episode25/
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This week’s episode takes a look at something a little different, getting a job. Kate Taylor, founder and managing director of Taylor care recruitment, shares with the inside social work listeners a range of tips and advice to land that perfect job.
Kates tips for students on placement (what opportunities should they take up to improve their employability for when they graduate ?)
- Encourage them to be proactive
- Use opportunities to network
- Know people and managers and teams
- Know the organisation
- Have a good work ethic
- Take it seriously like its a job,
- Offer to do other roles, like support work, volunteer
- Show your teachable
- I know you’re really busy, when is the best time to talk to you
- Be proactive
Tips for new graduates, how they can enhance their resume and make themselves someone stand out?
Kate says it’s very competitive, there are some people with lots of experience.
Her tips include
- Be proactive and contact people, follow up with the application.
- Show you’re eager, enthusiastic, techable
Kates tips for your resume
You have about 15 seconds to impress someone so make sure your resume is
- Clear
- Formatt it correctly
- Promote your best self, this is not the time to undersell yourself
- Make it clear why they should call YOU
Before sending off your resume, Kate recommends you call and ask the employer more details about the job. Do your homework – check the organisation
I asked Kate how do you balance being humble in your resume while also highlighting/ showcasing your skills and achievements.
Kate says
- Confidence is better then arrogant
- Confidence is contagious
- This about what’s the thing that you bring?
- Always be teachable
Kates tips for networking / getting yourself out there
- Get into lots of groups /social media
- Ask for feedback and ideas?
- Have a linkedin profile
- Seek profile – optimised
In the interview
You don’t get a second chance to make a good first impression.
- Do your homework on the organisation
- Prepare before the interview – take some deep breaths
Kates self care tips
- Get a Business coach or supervisor
- They help keep you accountable and motivated
- Professional development
- Exercise – move my body everyday
- Gratitude practice
- Meditation
If you don’t get the job you want? Remember ‘’Every no it’s getting you closer to the yes’’
Resources mentioned in this week’s episode
https://www.taylorcare.com.au/
https://www.taylorcare.com.au/future-proof-your-career
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNlklFur8hXsfYyx1Esz2Tw
https://www.taylorcare.com.au/tv
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This week's episode explores the world of school social work. I talk with Kylie Lloyd, who shares her experiences transitioning into social work as a mature student, while balancing the requirements of the degree and also being a single mother of 2 children.
Kylie shares her experience being a learner as an adult and how she transitioned from HR to volunteering for Lifeline then making the jump into social work. She talks about how hard it can be mentally and financially to study again while also looking at how rewarding it can be. Kylie shares her experiences and the highs and lows that come with working in an environment where you're the minority profession.
We talk about the challenges working with families and Kylie sheds some light into working with young people in a school environment and how she navigates the system, advocating for young people while also balancing the often competing needs of different stakeholders.
As a family therapist in training Kylie lets us in on some of the ways her thinking has changed and some of the ways she's incorporating systems work and family work into her work with young people.
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In this week's episode, Katrina shares her experience working with families in a school setting and in a hospital setting. Katrina has written an article looking at family therapy for child and adolescent school refusal which can be found in the show notes.
Katrina is a clinical family therapist and a full clinical member of the Australian Association of Family Therapy (AAFT). She is an accredited mental health social worker (AMHSW) with the Australian Association of Social Workers, with more than 13 year's experience in tertiary mental health, in addition to working privately for several years. She has undertaken further training in Gottman Method Marital Therapy, Mentalization Based Therapy (MBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Family Based Treatment for Anorexia Nervosa (FBT), Narrative Therapy, supervision, and more.
Katrina shares some of her tips, tricks and challenges for working with families in what can be a traditionally one-on-one setting.
We talk about school refusal and how we work with families and the school system to support a young person to get back into school. You talk about the importance of a good relationship between the school parents and the clinician working with that whole system.
We look at the role parents can play in supporting young people through the changes they experience in adolescence. Supporting them in their journey moving from primary school to high school and how the role of parenting can change and adapt to these different stages.
Katrina shares with listeners some of her tips for managing her well-being. She talks about the red flags that she's noticed in her own life that indicate maybe she's not doing so well and what she does to keep herself energised, healthy and able to do the work she loves.
https://www.katrinarichardson.com/
Family Therapy for Child and Adolescent School Refusal https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/anzf.1188
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This week's episode takes a look at working with diversity, in particular with LGBTQIA+ people. The way we communicate is important, it doesn't just communicate the content of what we're doing, it communicates our beliefs and assumptions about the world. I hope this episode gives you some ideas and tips on how to be more inclusive in your practice. This is a real area of need and we know the stats are alarming for people especially young people if they don't get the right support when they need it. Stigma, fear, and judgment can prevent someone from getting help.
Josh Muller (they/them) is a registered psychologist passionate about LGBTQIA+ health and well-being. While specialising in gender, sex, and sexuality, they work across the lifespan and a broad range of issues affecting their client’s lives.
Josh is a great resource and shares some of their tips on how you can be more inclusive, things you can do in your practice, and recommends some resources you can look at if you’d like to learn more.
Josh shares advice on how to be more comfortable talking about sexuality and diversity.
They encourage you to interrogate your own understanding of things and reflect on your ideas and values of gender and sexuality,
Resources
https://www.melbournequeerpsychologist.com/
https://www.queersexed.org/
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This week's episode takes a look at working with diversity, in particular with LGBTQIA+ people. The way we communicate is important, it doesn't just communicate the content of what we're doing, it communicates our beliefs and assumptions about the world. I hope this episode gives you some ideas and tips on how to be more inclusive in your practice. This is a real area of need and we know the stats are alarming for people especially young people if they don't get the right support when they need it. Stigma, fear, and judgment can prevent someone from getting help.
Josh Muller (they/them) is a registered psychologist passionate about LGBTQIA+ health and well-being. While specialising in gender, sex, and sexuality, they work across the lifespan and a broad range of issues affecting their client’s lives.
Josh is a great resource and shares some of their tips on how you can be more inclusive, things you can do in your practice, and recommends some resources you can look at if you’d like to learn more.
Josh shares advice on how to be more comfortable talking about sexuality and diversity.
They encourage you to interrogate your own understanding of things and reflect on your ideas and values of gender and sexuality,
Resources
https://www.melbournequeerpsychologist.com/
https://www.queersexed.org/
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Episode 20: Working close to home, experiences of a social worker in rural Victoria.
In this episode, Lachlan Slade shares some of his experiences working in rural communities. We talk about some of the challenges of living and working close to your clients and how to have a conversation about appropriate boundaries. Lachlan shares some of his self-care tips and how he manages to stay energised and enthusiastic about the work he does.
Lachlan Slade grew up in Shepparton studying in Albury Wodonga, and Bendigo to complete their Social Work degree. Lachlan cofounded the Out in the Open Festival, Shepparton's first LGBTIQ+ Community Festival. Lachlan has dabbled in Community Radio, and Politics. They now teach Social Work at La Trobe University, Shepparton, and they are a Counsellor Advocate at GVCASA while also trying to raise a 5 year old.
Lauchlan big tip?
‘’Patting yourself on the back when you have the wins. They can be hard to see.’’
Lachlans tips for getting the most out of supervision
- Their theoretical background
- Ask for a one off supervision , to see if it's a good fit
- See if you click with them
- Try out different theoretical frameworks
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In this week's episode, Louise Hayes explains some of the basic principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, ACT.
Louise is a clinical psychologist, peer reviewed ACT trainer, an academic, author, speaker and active philanthropist. Louise uses ACT with young people in schools and clinical settings. She is a world expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (ACT) for young people and the co-author of the best selling book, Get Out of Your Mind and Into your Life for Teenagers: A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and the newly released book, The Thriving Adolescent: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Positive Psychology to Help Teens Manage Emotions, Achieve Goals, and Build Connection.
Resources
Louise’s books
The Thriving Adolescent Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teens : A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life Website for professional training and more about Louise Hayes - http://www.louisehayes.com.au
Website for working with young people: http://thrivingadolescent.com/
https://www.louisehayes.com.au/publications/
https://www.louisehayes.com.au/workshops-for-professionals/
http://anzact.com/about-us/
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This week's episode Lillian shares some ways we can manage anxiety during tough times.
We talk about needing alone time, balancing work-life balance and how to support someone when they share with you when they’re in distress.
Lillian Nejad, PhD, is a registered and endorsed clinical psychologist and author with over 20 years of experience in the assessment and treatment of individuals with mild to severe psychological issues and disorders. She currently has a private practice in Brighton, Victoria.
Lillian's mission is to promote accurate and nonjudgmental views on mental health and to provide REAL information and strategies for a variety of psychological problems, issues and disorders based on REAL evidence and REAL experience in an accessible, genuine and engaging manner that fosters positive change for everyone involved.
Links to Lillian's resources
Coping with Coronavirus Article (also has other helpful MH blogs and radio segments)
https://www.lifeblockers.com/post/10-ways-to-cope-with-coronavirus-related-anxiety
Insight Timer: link to three mindfulness/relaxation exercises and two courses
https://insighttimer.com/lnejad
www.omnipsych.com/about
Coming soon
www.skillsforlife.courses
Long version of British Family Les Mis
https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/04/01/825232156/u-k-familys-lockdown-themed-rendition-of-les-mis-is-a-delight
In my interview with Cathy we talk about the benefits and challenges in running a private practice. She shares some insights into the fears allied health professionals have in this area.
Cathy Love is an Allied Health Business Coach, Speaker, Author and Occupational Therapist. She is the founding director of Nacre Consulting. She coaches allied health business owners to run powerful businesses that change lives.
In this episode we talk about
- Marketing yourself and your brand while maintaining boundaries and ethics.
- Personal brand , business brand and product brand
- Choosing / finding a niche and giving up the fear of only ever seeing 1 type of client
- Internal hurdles - feeling guilty for working in private practice
- Getting paid for what you’re worth
- The value you bring to the therapeutic relationship and the impact you have in that person's life
- Things to consider before going into private practice - risk, finances, energy and personality
- Start as you mean to proceed
- Wearing too many hats as a business owner
- The word admin - (goes in the swear jar)
Contact details
smile@nacre.com.au
www.nacre.com.au
https://www.facebook.com/groups/PrivatePracticeMadePerfect
Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/private-practice-made-perfect/id1232035434
Man up, talking men's mental health With Kylie King
In this episode I talk with Kylie King about male suicide. We discuss the language to use when talking about suicide , look at the statistics in Australia and in particular men's mental health. While unpacking ideas of masculinity we talk about some of the barriers men face seeking help around their mental health.
Kylie King is a research fellow at the Centre for Mental Health in the Melbourne School of Population and Global Health at the University of Melbourne. She is also a psychologist. Her research focuses on male suicide prevention. She recently led the randomised controlled trial of the impacts of the Man Up documentary, a novel media-based population level television documentary that explored the interplay between masculinity and suicide.
Resources
http://manup.org.au/tv-series/study-guide/
https://iview.abc.net.au/show/man-up
Contact Kylie k.king@unimelb.edu.au
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In this episode we talk about how to make the most of supervision, how to be a supervisor and some of the issues social workers encounter when running a business. Jane shares her experience working in a range of fields locally and internationally, training, educating and supervising. She shares her top tips for making the most of supervision and empathises with supervisors who are working with passive supervisee’s ,sharing her wisdom and ideas for improving the supervisory relationship
Jane Wexler is the Founding Director of Wex Group Pty Ltd, specialising in leadership development, coaching, supervision and training in Australia, China, Singapore and Asia Pacific. Jane is widely sought after for her expertise as consultant, supervisor, coach and educator, having delivered AASW/ACWA endorsed supervision training and other learning programs to thousands of human services professionals in Australia and abroad. Prior to establishing her own company, she was co-owner/co- publisher of a successful Australian entertainment magazine and taught social work students across Australian universities, and business studies students in China.
Jane combines her qualifications and unique blend of skills in human services, business and education with an interest in eastern philosophy and dissolving some of the boundaries between sectors, disciplines and methods. Her professional life is balanced by a long involvement in the arts and entertainment industries in publishing and as an accomplished singer/songwriter. Jane’s approach reflects her commitment to developing self-mastery, authentic relationships and using effective frameworks and tools creatively, with a spirit of adventure.
Challenges working as a social worker and starting a business
- How to reconcile asking for money for your work
- Have to understand their relationship with money
- Systems
- Marketing
- Communication
Cross over with social enterprise
You have to like taking risks
Jumping in trying something new
How to relinquish control and not take on everything
You don’t know what you don’t know
Janes tip?
Ask people!
The journey to becoming a supervisor and started a business as a trainer and coach
Started in a primary school
Moved into a wide range of sectors
Started working with an educational college
Started teaching
Moved to China
‘’Don’t worry if you make mistakes’’
‘’Back yourself more’’
Tips for supervisors
- Be transparent
-
- How are we going to build trust
- How are we going to manage this
- How can we work well together
- Be explicit
- Let them know they’re not being judged
- Back yourself more
- Follow your intuition
- Don’t criticise yourself
- If you have a gap in knowledge do something about it
- Reflection
- Balance it up with action
- Think about your personal strengths
If the supervisee is passive
- Understand what works best
- Is there an organisational issues
- Are they struggling with their work
- Do they know what supervision is
- Can be culturally different
- Can be intimidating
Ask them directly - if you suspect something don't wonder
Ask them
Supervision
Different ideas and experiences of what it is
Organisation can have pressure to use it as a management tool while its an aspect of supervision ,we want supervision to be focused on deep thinking, reflection, professional growth.
Collaborative trusting relationship. There may always be that power difference if your supervisor is your line manager.
Tips for supervisees
- Prepare for supervision
-
- What do i want
- What am I likely to get
- What's the best way I can get that
- Take responsibility for what happens in supervision
- What outcome do you want?
- Ask others what works well, what do they do?
https://janewexler.com/
Face to face training - open to the public
Onsite training
Elearning course - online at https://janewexler.com/online-learning
AASW interview https://www.aasw.asn.au/events/event/Becoming-a-social-work-supervisor-An-interview-with-Jane-Wexler
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Laura Rouhan is the co-founder and general manager of friends for good. She has a background community development which spans over 15 years. Laura also manages a local neighbourhood house in the Western suburbs of Melbourne.
Throughout Laura's work with people she heard a lot of people talking about being lonely
Some were well connected and well resourced individuals that they were not getting enough social connection. This sparked an idea.
She thought hey ‘’Let’s do something about this! '' Why not us!?”
Friends for Good was Established in 2016. Its mission is to ‘’Free people from loneliness’’
In this episode, we talked about the ...
Stigma around loneliness
What are the causes of loneliness?
- Getting a picture of it is difficult
- Poses a risk to long term health
- Immensely detrimental to our health
- Layers of difficulty
- Chronic physical health
- Chronic mental health
- Limited finances
- Speaking to more men than women
How to get involved
‘’Say hello’’
Check out the website
Print a flier and put somewhere
Talk to people about loneliness
Volunteer
Donate
Self-care tips:
‘Saying no’
Communities of practice
Photography
Going from student to professional and starting a social work newsletter with Joanne Young and Alice Cairn
Jo is doing her final year of a Masters of Social Work (Qualifying), and is currently supporting caseworkers working with vulnerable families and children. Alice is a social worker in a residential educational setting and recently graduated from a Masters of Social Work (Qualifying). Alice and Jo produce a periodical that centres around social workers, the field and the various challenges that people are addressing in their area of expertise.
It all started with a video essay...
Jo and Alice wanted to showcase the incredible diversity and skills of their peers. There were students in their course who had already accomplished so much in a variety of setting, locally and overseas. The idea built momentum, Jo and Alice teamed up and Social Work Talk was born.
Find them on their Facebook page @Social Work Talk Quarterly
In this episode listen to Jo and Alice share their experiences moving from students to professionals
Some of the things we talk about
- Challenges doing research on placement
- Having difficult conversations with your onsite supervisor or manager while on placement
- Being prepared for the expenses of the profession
-
- Professional development
- Supervision
- Memberships and associations
Find Jo and Alice
https://www.facebook.com/socialworktalkquarterly/
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In this episode, Sarah and I talk about the challenges of working with schools and balancing wellbeing and student academic outcomes. Sarah shares some of the various programs, some schools are implementing to support students with their wellbeing and mental health. We discuss the impact of being in a caring role and supporting those around us, Sarah shares her self care tips and how to set boundaries with those around you, so you’re not a ‘social worker’ 24 hours a day.
Sarah completed her Bachelor of SW in 2006, and has worked in the community sector over the last 13 years. Sarah has worked mostly with children and adolescents, starting her career working with youth at risk of homelessness and going on to fulfil a range of different roles at various not-for-profit organisations, community health services and tertiary education providers.
Sarah has experience in case management, counselling, group work, and delivering school-based programs. One of my most rewarding roles was providing counselling to children and adolescents impacted by the 2009 Victorian Bushfires. Sarah is currently working in a community health setting where she supports schools to help students remain engaged in their education. She is particularly interested in early intervention approaches to working with children and adolescents.
Some of the things we talked about in this episode
- Some reasons for disengagement from school
-
- Carer responsibilities for students
-
Working with students and anxiety
-
Supporting teachers in professional development - Youth MHFA
- Animal-assisted therapy
- Working with key stakeholders
-
- challenging to balance the needs of all the individual students, their needs etc
-
Things Sarah wishes she knew then that she knows now
-
- That she sought out
-
Mentors
-
Asking yourself can I learn from this person, can they be a positive mentor to me
-
- Peers
- Good supervisors
- Setting boundaries - being a social worker
-
- Don't have to be a social worker 24hrs a day
-
How to upskill when working in schools or with young people
-
- Understanding trauma and trauma-informed practice
- Secondary consultation
-
Mental health service provider
-
Local CASA etc
-
Linking in with external services in your area
-
The importance of self-care - do what you need to look after yourself
Today's show looks at a different way working with survivors of sexual assault. In this episode, you’ll hear how Clare uses trauma-sensitive yoga to support survivors of sexual assault. Clare Pritchard has been practising yoga since 1995. She is a Certified Trauma Center Trauma Sensitive Yoga (TCTSY) Facilitator, a Certifed Iyengar Yoga teacher, and has completed a number of certificates in yoga programs for children.
In this episode, we talk about hows yoga help survivors of trauma and how it can be integrated with a range of other traditional therapies and medication.
We discussed burn out and self-care when working in an industry and with individuals that have experienced trauma.
Clare has been involved in working at Centres Against Sexual Assault since 2000. She began this association working as a Counsellor/Advocate at CASA House but her role in the field has now transformed into a role which provides support and healing to victim/survivors of trauma through yoga. Clare has delivered the yoga component of the Body Based Therapy Program at WestCASA (Centre Against Sexual Assault) since 2011, and at CASA House since 2017. She has also delivered programs in the Northern and SouthEastern CASA’s, and Counterpoint Young Women’s Refuge. In a voluntary capacity, Clare has provided yoga classes within the Maribyrnong Detention Centre, the Asylum Centre Resource Centre and the YWCA Girl Storey program for marginalised young women
Clare talks about how trauma-sensitive yoga is different from other styles of yoga. When she started running it she brought into yoga her knowledge of impacts of trauma to make it safe and appropriate
Some key points of trauma-sensitive yoga
- It’s invitational
- All efforts are made to minimise triggers in the session
- experience of being able to make a choice
- when we think about trauma is generally an experience where people have had all choice and control taken away.
- choice in where you move, how you move and what you do. Guided choice.
- there’s an intentional language of ownership - eg move your arm if you’d like to
It may not be suitable for
- People who are suicidal
- Who’ve had recent inpatient admissions
As a clinician its good to look at the credentials of the person running the yoga and if they have knowledge and experience in working with trauma.
Listen out for them mentioning
- Safety
- Minimising triggers
- No-touch in session
Some tools and resources recommended by Clare
You can find Clare at
www.yarrarangesyoga.com.au
David Emerson, E-RYT, founder and director of yoga services at the Trauma Center at the Justice Resource Institute in Brooklin, is one of the major contributors to this field.
Body keeps score by Bessel van der Kolk
Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others. Author Laura van Dernoot Lipsky
tps://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/2017-03-29/how-yoga-helps-survivors-of-trauma
https://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/health/article/Trauma-centered-yoga-helps-patients-with-PTSD-6717475.php?t=7f53ff22de&cmpid=email-premium
https://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/111714p8.shtml
https://www.traumasensitiveyoga.com/uploads/3/1/6/6/31663259/fostermagimg20181005_11042983.pdf
http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Peaceful_Embodiment_Through_Yoga_R0002.pdf
http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Yoga_Complementary%20Treatment_PTSD_West_W0002.pdf
https://www.traumasensitiveyoga.com/ : info about TCTSY and the Center for Trauma & Embodiment (formerly Trauma Center)
https://www.traumasensitiveyoga.com/resources.html : link to articles, publications and research (there are TCTSY-specific ones)
https://www.aap.org/en-us/documents/ttb_aces_consequences.pdf : general info about the impact of childhood trauma. might not be relevant!
www.yarrarangesyoga.com.au
Khadine Aharon is an Accredited Social Worker who specialises in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). She has more than 25 years of combined experience in Community Services and Natural therapies industries. Khadine has worked with hundreds of people in individual, group and community settings.
EFT has become one of her favourite transformational tools and she is passionate about sharing this technique with others. Khadine combines her knowledge and skills to provide an interactive, practical and safe space for students to learn EFT Tapping.
Listeners can receive $50 off Khadines training when mentioning the inside social work podcast.
What is EFT Tapping?
Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It's also referred to as tapping. It can be a stress-reduction technique and has a wide range of applications. There is a growing research base for this technique.
Can be good for
- Memories of events
- Traumas
- Pain relief
- PTSD
- Cravings/ dieting
- Getting on top of finances
- Improve health conditions
We talk about the use of set up statements and example might be “even though I’m hurt I am still open to love”
Details of Khadines EFT training
Can be found here https://embraceempowerment.com/events/eft-tapping-training/
Resources discussed in the show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKDhRohzSdU
Get in contact with Khadine
https://embraceempowerment.com/
Sign up to Khadines mailing list to get your free 15 Minute and Under Self-Healing Techniques by Khadine Aharon
Phone: 1300 037 778
facebook.com/EmbraceEmpowermentWithKhadine
https://au.linkedin.com/in/khadineaharon
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In this episode, we talk about burn out and why self-care is crucial to prevent burnout. Helen shares her personal journey in the social work profession and how she experienced burnout while managing a team. This led Helen to develop her own burnout course and resources to support social workers.
Originally from the UK Helen studied Social Policy and Politics at The University of Newcastle Upon Tyne and has a Masters of Social Work from Queens University Belfast, in Northern Ireland. Helen’s career has mainly been in the Family and childcare arena including Statutory child protection in the heart of Belfast, work with youth at risk of homelessness in Northern Ireland and Sydney and managerial role in an NGO family support and risk prevention program with families that had ROSH reports made.
In 2015 Helen experienced a psychological breakdown as a result of burnout and the impact of vicarious trauma and left her practicing social work career in mid 2016. Helen now has an emerging startup business with a focus on supporting practicing social workers to gain awareness, knowledge and skills to reduce the impact of vicarious trauma and burnout on their health and profession.
Helen has a growing interest in the role of Moral Resiliency, Moral Distress and Moral residue play in a Social Worker’s career and wellbeing.
Helen is launching a pilot of her specialised program, Because You Care - SOS (stands for save our social workers) in August providing online training and support to enable social workers to explore their wellbeing and the impact of their work.
Burn out is such a popular phrase at the moment.
Now considered and occupational phenomenon - changing what it means and how it impacts people's working lives
Sometimes we don't understand the signs and symptoms of burn out, often thinking its something wrong with us and some kind of deficits we have.
Syndrome from chronic workplace stress that hasn't been successfully managed. Easy to start associating blame, it’s not being managed by the individual, or by the organisation.
We need to neutralise the idea of where the challenges have come, and not assign blame. We need to work together to prevent outcomes of burnout.
Signs and symptoms of burn out
Physical signs
-
Feeling tired, lacking energy, lethargic
-
Changes in sleep - too little or too much
-
Changes in appetite
Emotional signs
-
Increasing irritability
-
Self doubt
-
Feeling unable to do the things you normally do
-
Sense of failure
-
Feeling helpless and hopeless
-
Feeling detached
-
Loss of motivation
-
Being cynical and negative
-
Decreased satisfaction
Behavioural
-
Withdrawing from responsibilities
-
Isolating yourself
-
Coping with alcohol or other drugs
-
Being late to work
-
Missing work all together
-
Worker harder than normal
-
Not taking leave
-
Working additional hours
Vicarious trauma
Impact on ourselves from the repeated exposure of the traumatic material shared with us from our clients. Being alongside them as they handle/ go through those traumatic experiences. It starts to have an impact on the internal psyche and the external world view, the cognitive schema of the social worker. As a professional, your self of self, your identity, worldviews and norms starts to shift. Very subtle, your sense of reality may be vastly different from that of others.
Moral distress
We train ourselves to look at situations from different angles and assess what's happening.
Where you know what the right thing is to do, but you’re prevented from taking that action due to constraints - organisation, budget, time etc
Then there is a consequence to that. You then have a physical or physiological response to that.
It’s vitally important to take responsibility to do what is needed.
You need to be given the time or you need to take the time.
We need to look at our self-care as a seatbelt, we need to have them there as our daily support.
The Because You Care - SOS (stands for save our social workers) program.
8 week program broken up into 4 Modules to support you through the process of understanding Moral Distress, Vicarious Trauma and Burnout and strategies to prevent it.
Module 1 - Reset your moral compass
Module 2 -mindset and context
Module 3 -mind body connection
Module 4 -professional sustainability
Interested in the At What Cost? Webinar.. Check it out here.
Tips for a new social worker
Put self-care in the same bracket as other principals. It's not an afterthought. Like a seatbelt, You don't put it on after a car crash
Be the caretaker of your own well-being.
Resources
https://helengray.com.au/
https://members.helengray.com.au/because-you-care/
https://helengray.com.au/moral-distress
https://helengray.com.au/vicarious-trauma
https://helengray.com.au/burnout
https://aifs.gov.au/publications/feeling-heavy/what-vicarious-trauma
Episode 8
Teen Mental Health First Aid
Dr. Laura Hart is a Senior Research Fellow in the Engaging Minds in Body Image and Eating Disorders (EMBodIED) Research Team at La Trobe University’s School of Psychology and Public Health, and in the Centre for Mental Health, Melbourne School of Population and Global Health, at the University of Melbourne.
Dr. Hart has been working in population mental health for over a decade. Her research focuses on developing, evaluating and disseminating training programs for the public to improve prevention, awareness and help-seeking for mental illness. Her research has been recognized with multiple awards, including a 2016 Rising Star Award from the Association for Psychological Science, and a 2017 Australia Endeavour Award to spend 6-months working with Harvard University’s Strategic Training Initiative for the Prevention of Eating Disorders in Boston, USA.
She is currently working on two programs. Confident Body, Confident Child is a parenting program to promote body satisfaction, balanced eating patterns and physical activity in children aged 2-6 years. The teen Mental Health First Aid program is training course for secondary school students to learn how to assist a peer who is developing a mental health problem or experiencing a mental health crisis.
What is mental health first aid?
An organisation started by Betty Kitchener and Prof Tony Jorm in 2000
Started the Youth MHFA program
To support young people with their mental health.
While this increased teachers knowledge and increased teachers confidence.
Just training adults wasn't enough to prompt young people to get help.
Research showed teens more likely to seek help for mental health problems from their friends.
How to teach young people the tools and skills they need and the appropriate level of responsibility that they can have.
- not burden them
- not have them develop a disorder or problem
- not to be a counsellor or clinician to a friend.
Just enough to teach them to provide that initial first aid. The emphasis is on getting an appropriate trusted adult involved.
When young people are establishing help-seeking behaviour have negative experiences of reaching out to adults, if they feel they are being rejected or stigmatised or well supported, they’re not as likely again in the future to reach out for help.
What do teens learn in teen MHFA?
Breaks down concerns about confidentiality. Teaches them at what point the young person can break that confidentiality and go to an adult.
Tips for adults
Listen non judgmentally
Understand the context that a young person is struggling with
Who are the appropriate supports for that person
It’s ok to say you’re not the right person
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to find the next person who will be the best support.
Encourage other supports
- Self help
- Linking in with friends
- Telephone help/ online counselling
Some symptoms can be misunderstood and seen as ‘moody’ or ‘difficult’
If you're feeling isolated and low, sad, or overwhelmed you my think peoples reactions may be negative.
How to teach the difference between feeling stressed or sad and having a mental illness?
Change to a person's feelings, thoughts or behaviours that do go away and impact how they function day to day.
Are mental health problems getting worse or are we talking about it more?
The simple answer is we don't know.
It’s really hard to say, we are talking about it more,
The way we measure mental health problems has changed over time.
Despite us getting more treatment and talking about it more
We don’t seem to be getting happier
We have a higher quality of life than ever before but not happier.
Some psychological distress that's not alleviated by new advances in health, wealth and lifestyles.
Laura's tips for her wellbeing.
- Taking time out
- Supporting partner
- Getting out and meeting friends
To find out more about mental health first aid check out the MHFA website
https://mhfa.com.au
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Dr Claire Kelly is the Manager of Research and Evaluation at MHFA Australia. Claire has been involved with MHFA since 2003, when she first became an instructor while completing her Doctorate at the Centre for Mental Health Research at the Australian National University in Canberra, where the program was first developed. Prior to her current position, Claire worked on the MHFA Guidelines used to inform MHFA courses.
Claire’s PhD thesis was written on the mental health literacy of Australian adolescents. Her main passion is the mental health of young people and minimising the impacts that mental health problems can have on development, educational outcomes and long-term functioning.
Claire has suffered episodes of depression and anxiety since adolescence, which has been a driver for this work.
Because there’s a world of difference between mental health and mental illness. Can you talk about that for a moment? What is mental health
- It’s like health it's on a continuum
- You can have good health or poor health
- You can have an illness and it can be managed and have good health
Some people come out of a mental illness can have high levels of compassion and empathy
Claire talks about the Idea of Japanese pottery art called Kintsugi where cracks are filled with gold.
One in four young people between the ages of 15 and 25 will develop a mental health disorder in a 12 month period
What are some of the barriers to help seeking?
Help seeking is low across all ages,
Young people are less likely to seek help
Low levels of stigma towards others but higher self-stigma, feelings of I can deal with it myself.
It's hard to know what are normal changes, this can be tricky for people to recognise.
Changes during adolescence
- Changes in focus and mood
- Physical changes over time
- Body
- Behaviour
Like any other sickness, mental health problems result in missed days, work left undone and wasted opportunities.
What are some of the additional impacts of not getting treatment early?
- Educational outcomes getting the grades they want at school that they are capable of
- Impacts the study they may like to do later on
- Impacts on physical development
- Social development
- Making friends
- Relationships
- Withdrawn
Loneliness can be a factor, as you withdraw due to work mental health, you may feel more and more lonely and find it more difficult to reach out.
The MHFA course discusses some of the potential red flags/ things to look out for when someone may be struggling with their mental health, strategies for managing the initial support of friends, family and colleagues safely, and information on obtaining immediate assistance if necessary.
Can you talk a little bit about what somebody walking out of the standard and youth 14 hour class is really trained or educated to do specifically?
What’s it not
- Doesn’t teach counselling skills
- Doesn’t teach you to diagnose
It gives you some education around the clusters of symptoms you may notice and helps you potentially identify if someone is in crisis.
‘’If you've seen major changes (negative changes) in someone's feelings, thinking and behaviour.If it appears to be having an impact on their ability to function, enjoy relationships study etc and it’s lasted more than a couple of weeks they need help. ‘’
Often people are scared they’ll make things worse or being nosey.It’s ok to have these conversations,
Mental Health First Aid, helps you have a plan in place and connect with someone. It's different to being a professional on the treatment side of things
Tips for doing the course
Everyone should attend a mental health first aid course
Just like everyone should attend a physical first aid course.
It's a different set of skills than what’s delivered in the curriculum, so consider doing a course.
If you have an interest in mental health, then consider becoming an instructor.
The main courses 12-14 hrs
Standard mental health first aid
Youth mental health first aid
Older persons mental health first aid
Aboriginal and Torres Strait islanders mental health first aid
Despite young people being in such need, they are also the group least likely to seek help for mental health concerns. One of the newest courses is the teenMHFA course, unlike the other courses it’s is peer looking out for peers…. could you talk about the research currently underway?
Young people were more likely to go to their peer to seek help and support.
There's lots of research that says lots of young people are providing lots of inappropriate support to each other already. Potentially a risk to their own mental health and can be unhelpful to the person needing the help. The courses cover the minimum amount you’d want young people to know.
Cover suicides and other traditionally difficult topics.
If we can’t talk about suicide then it means they can’t which means if they're having thoughts of suicide they cant talk to anyone.
The course encouraged them to get an adult to help.
Tips for helping someone who doesn’t want help?
- It may be that you’re not the right person
- You can encourage them to talk to someone else.
- They care too much about you and want to hold /save face
- Culture and gender differences.
You may have to use language that indicates you may not be a good fit.
Using inclusive language
Eg you may be asking someone about the support they have and say ‘do you have a boyfriend?’
If she’s same-sex attracted then she may feel like it's not ok to talk to you about it.
Makes it easier to start the conversation if you use inclusive language.
Some young people hold myths about what help may look like.
Feeling like I have to be stronger than other people
They may have incorrect ideas of what help looks like. May think it’s acute and you may need to be hospitalised or not part of the community.
May need to do some myth-busting
What treatment looks like may have come from tv and movies
Mental health first aid for tertiary students
Could you tell me more about the creation of Mental health first aid for tertiary students, what sparked this course and how is it different to the standard and youth MHFA.
Tertiary students mhfa course
- How to look out for your peers
- Some of the youth content and peer to peer support.
Do people report learning any tools of techniques that they can apply to themselves to improve their own mental health?
Research has shown improves the mental health of the participants too.
How do you take care of your own mental health?
It needs to be something you incorporate it into your life and practice.
Could be nipping a problem in the bud early so it doesn't become a problem
- Getting exercise
- Connect and talk with people
Tips for professionals
- Using supervision and group supervision Helps them remain in their career
- Manage burn out
- Talk to people
- Take time off when needed
Do you think mental health problems are getting worse?
Claire personally thinks yes.
The research is hard to gather around this topic.
Evidence is limited
Anxiety, in particular, is getting more and more common.
Family structures changed, social media, bullying on social media.
The impact of social media looking at curated lives.
Impact of diet and exercise
- A sedentary lifestyle can be problematic
- Poor quality food
- Good evidence for the diet
On a more personal note, how have you managed to balance the work you find so valuable the emotional toll of being so immersed in data, statistics and stories of mental distress of others? Does this have an impact on you? How do you take care of yourself?
Claires self-care tips
Practice what I preach
It’s ok to ask for help.
Excersie 45 min a day
Read and watch things that I enjoy
To find out more about mental health first aid check out the MHFA website
https://mhfa.com.au
Resources:
https://www.samhsa.gov/programs
https://mhfa.com.au/courses
https://mhfa.com.au/mental-health-first-aid-guidelines
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How to build a close and trusting relationship with clients while maintaining professional boundaries.
What are professional boundaries?
While thinking about this topic I went through some of my old textbooks and none of them had anything about boundaries. I found it interesting that something so fundamental to our work it not explicitly taught or often discussed in depth. We talk about needing boundaries but rarely about what they are and how to develop and implement them.
“Why did you go into social work?”
The answer usually centers on an interest in wanting to help or improve the lives of others
Key things to consider
- boundaries are a cornerstone of social work
- There is often a power differential between client and professional
- you are in a position of power with respect to your clients
- thought of & seen as the ‘expert’ have authority
- management of transference and countertransference are factors that cannot be ignored in this discussion
- safe, open and transparent relationship
- being clear to the client what will happen in a situation or circumstance,
Being good at your job & acting in within the expectations placed on you. It's more than how you work with clients, it’s also how you manage and conduct yourself and your emotions.
As social workers, we are often seen as the ‘expert’ have authority. You have a position and title, an employer and workplace, in many cases, you have the ability to deny or refuse the client access to the service or support. The power imbalance in relation to you and your relationship with them, even if they are not vulnerable in any other setting.
This comes with a number of responsibilities
- Respect the client
- Ensure what you do doesn't harm them
- Actions based on the needs of the clients
- Trustworthy and responsible
- Truthful and honest
Every situation needs to be taken on its own merits. There's no book, podcast or guide that can cover all possible situations. It’s good to have a supervisor and/ or group supervision that you can discuss specific cases.
Boundaries- sharing with clients
In practice, boundaries require ongoing reflection, thought and readjustment
Situations that may be blurring boundaries
- special treatment and urge to provide it
- spending more time with one client more than others
- paying for things out of workers own pocket
- seeing the client outside work hours
- sharing too much information or details about personal life
The kinds of situations you can consider and reflect on.
If you bump into a client out in public while out shopping with your partner.
What do you do? What do you say?
In a residential setting, a client comes to you after hours when you're off the shift.
Clients asking you about your personal life, if you have a partner or children.
A client hugs you at the end of a session. How do you explain that it is inappropriate to hug and you need to keep the relationship professional?
Sharing stories
Keep the story positive, de-identify details, prepare stories prior about things you’re happy to share and what is the message.
Have a message of hope and recovery.
Boundaries with workload and home
How can you set boundaries around what you can take on.
Reflect on how you’re traveling and what your mood/ frame of mind is.
Telling people you can’t take on any more at the moment.
Reducing caseloads, or taking more breaks.
A few resources I recommend
This is not an exhaustive list and you should familiarise yourself with your registering body’s code of ethics and consult with your team, manager and supervisor to discuss specific cases and situations.
AASW code of ethics
APS code of ethics
ACA code of ethics
Professional Boundaries in Social Work and Social Care
By Frank Cooper
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Vittorio and I share stories of why we got into social work, sharing some of our challenges, struggles and memorable moments. Vittorio has been a social worker for over 40 years, with experience in health care, teaching and private practice. He is the host of a podcast called ‘just another do-gooder’. He shares some of the things that drew him to social work as a career and why he got into podcasting.
We discuss the importance of supervision to promote professional development and reduce the risk of burnout.
We discussed how we got into podcasts and share some of our journey and social work careers. We share some stories that have shaped how we work.
Vittorio's tips for social workers when applying for a job
- Prepare well for an interview
-
- Do your homework, who is the client group, learn about the organisation
- Call them and ask some questions - get a feel for the place do you want to work there
- Understand the transferability of other roles and jobs
-
- Your skills and knowledge can be transferable
- Understanding the importance of reflective practice - you’re never able to know everything. Be prepared to answer questions about this.
Books and resources
Vittorio’s website http://vittoriocintio.com/
The New Psychology of Health : Unlocking the Social Cure. By (author) Catherine Haslam , By (author) Jolanda Jetten , By (author) Tegan Cruwys , By (author) Genevieve Dingle , By (author) S. Alexander Haslam
Being Mortal : Illness, Medicine and What Matters in the End By (author) Atul Gawande
Lost Connections : Why You're Depressed and How to Find Hope. By (author) Johann Hari Who moved my cheese. By (author) Spencer Johnson
The Power of Attachment : How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. By (author) Diane Poole Heller Don’t forget to sign up to the Inside Social Work mailing list to get your free social work career guide and get notified of new episodes and resources.
https://insidesocialwork.com/
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Interview with Verity Best and Josette Gardiner : Counselling for children affected by family breakdown. Working with families and children in mediation, dispute resolution and family conflict. In this interview with Verity and Josette, co-directors of focus counselling service, we talk about how to work with children who are experiencing family breakdown or conflict. Verity and Josette's share some of their tops for telling children parents are separating and what to look out for in the behaviour, that may indicate the need some additional support.
Josette Gardiner BAppSocSci(Couns), Member ACA, ACA-Recognised Supervisor
Josette provides counselling to adults, children and adolescents. Josette works with children using a variety of modalities and has a special interest in trauma and its effects on the brain and behaviour. Because of this, she provides effective and nurturing therapy to children where family violence has been part of their story. She has also worked extensively with a range of other issues such as self-harm, grief and loss, parental conflict and trauma recovery. Josette uses a range of tools, games and activities to help children untangle their inner world in a way that helps them make sense of it. She helps them master the skills they need to manage their emotions in an often-complicated world. All this is done with a sense of hope for the future, and a belief that the child is capable of any change they hope to achieve and the ability to heal from past hurts. In all her work, Josette uses a trauma-informed approach. Josette also holds a Certificate in Supervision and is an ACA recognised supervisor.
Verity Best BAppSocSci(Couns), Grad Dip Family Dispute Resolution, Member ACA.
Verity provides counselling and mediation services to adults. She has had a range of experience in the mental health sector, such as family violence counselling, crisis and trauma counselling, and counselling for addictions, in particular gambling, alcohol and drugs. In addition to this, Verity is accredited by the Attorney-General’s Department to provide mediation services to separated parents in relation to children’s matters. As a mediator, Verity provides a safe platform for separated parents to discuss their children’s needs and develop a mutually agreeable parenting plan. In this service, as in her counselling practice, Verity provides a non-judgemental approach and a belief that her clients have the ability to change their lives in a positive way. In both counselling and mediation, Verity aims above all to empower her clients, and support them to find ways to make meaningful change. Verity also holds a Certificate in Supervision and provides bimonthly group supervision to Applicant Practitioners (IVO’s) in the Victorian Magistrates Court.
How do you tell your children that you’re separating?
- Non-blaming of the other parent
- Keeping it developmentally focused
- Don’t need to tell them the reasons why
- Tell the children it’s not their fault it
Things not to say
- Playing blame
- mum/dads had an affair
When talking to children about family separation or divorce.
Advocating for the child and being child focused is a priority for Verity and Josette
Children may have different ideas to why parents separated and may blame themselves
It’s important to tell the children it's not their fault – even if they haven’t verbalised it. You may need to say this a few times.
They may not mention it because it’s a shameful feeling – so they will keep it very well hidden
Some may be very well behaved because they don’t want to upset the parents
Parents might think they’re doing really well, They’re trying to protect each parent and internalise the pain
Question:
So what are some of the tips you have for parents or practitioners on how to guide that conversation , not to blame, and not tell them things they don’t need to know, but to find that balance on how to give them enough information so they don’t fill in the blanks with feeling that it’s their fault?
3 points that are essential for telling children about parents separating
- Keeping the language unified – mummy and daddy both still love you
- Telling them that even though mummy and daddy may not love each other any more , we can never stop loving you
- It's not your fault
Say these as often as you need.
If they come to you with questions, you can say simple things like ‘ mummy and daddy are working on it’ take the pressure and responsibility off them.
If they come to you to say something happened at the other parents house you can empathise with the child without blaming the other parent
That sounds like you’re feeling XYZ
That sounds very confusing ….. do you want to talk about it
Children can find it difficult to name their feelings – so giving them that open-ended question so they are invited to talk about it
As parents it’s ok to say we’re finding it very confusing too but we’re working on it
Question:
What are your tips for working with families who live in a high conflict home.
Josette
- they may be very compliant
- they could go the other way and be compliant at school and behave differently at school or vice versa
- depends on the family and the extent of the conflict
- your first thought doesn't have to be the only one
- you can have different strategies
Watching for when children are acting out, sometimes the children can act out with one parent, it may be the parent / house that they feel safest and most comfortable at
‘’the dysfunction of the home is often played out in the children's behaviour’’
Sometimes a family comes to counselling with the family labelling the problem as being one particular ‘child’.
Josette's tips,
Do a genogram and look at intergenerational patterns of behaviour, gently pointing out relationships that may be strained or that may be indirectly promoting that strain in their child.
Working with a family strengths and promoting what they’re doing well.
Parenting a child who may be struggling
Referring to other services as a clinician?
- refer the parent on for some counselling - acknowledge the need for self care the parents are probably scared and anxious in a space they may never have imagined themselves in
- family violence service if needed
- family therapy
- if there's high conflict this may not be appropriate needs a thorough assessments
Clinician self-care tips
- supervision
- be aware of your own family of origin and any triggers
- peer supervision
- debriefing
Take-home tips
Look after yourself
it's hard to look after others if we don't look after ourselves
Josette's enjoys reading to escape the clinical work, fantasy books
Recommended resources
The whole brainchild
Dan Siegel
Brainstorm
Dan Siege
Why do I do that? Psychological defense mechanism and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives
Joseph Burgo Ph D
Dan Siegal’s flipping your lid.
- The flipping your lid model is about regulating your emotions and understanding how your brain works when it's triggered by something
Lifeline Australia - 13 11 14 -
Crisis Support and Suicide Prevention
Kids Helpline
Phone Counselling Service | 1800 55 1800
https://mensline.org.au/ Call 1300 78 99 78
MensLine Australia is a telephone and online counselling service for men with family and relationship concerns.
https://www.panda.org.au/ Call 1300 726 306
PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia supports women, men and families across Australia affected by anxiety and depression during pregnancy and in the first year of parenthood.
For referrals, supervision or secondary consulting
Contact Focus Counselling
Web: Focuscounselling.co
Facebook: Focus counselling service
Join the focus counselling mailing list to get your free guide on ‘talking to children about separation.’
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With Associate Professor Ronnie Egan, we explore the need for quality student placements, what stops people from taking on a student and the unexpected learnings and rewards. We discuss some of the support and training options available to those interested in having a student. As well as, how to get in touch with the university about offering student placements.
Dr Ronnie Egan is Associate Professor of Field Education in Social Work at RMIT University. She has specialised in research about supervision and practice for social workers and students, published widely in these areas and has extensive and active networks in the human service sector. Her relationships with the field span her career as a practitioner and academic and this has enabled the development of innovative ways of understanding and facilitating the nexus between universities and the community. She chairs the National Field Education Network.
Ronnies tips
As a student when you go for an interview be sure to ask about the supervision options and policies that organisation has in place.
WHile it can be tough she talks about the importance of being assertive enough in a job interview to ask about the organisation's policies and offerings for supervision.
Making sure you are setting up the expectations from the start when it comes to supervision.
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What is the purpose of supervision within this organisation and what will you discuss?
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When & How often
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Work plan - Does supervision help you develop new skills and look at career progression?
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Job specifications - What’s needed for specific roles and industries and how can you use supervision to transfer skills
If you’re not getting what you need , time to think about how am I going to get it , you may need to think about getting external supervision.
Hiring an external supervisor
Work out why you want external supervisions and what your workplace offers. DO you need someone to help you transition into a new role? Is it for case discussion? Is it to meet a professional development goal or learn a new technique?
If you’re paying for the service of supervision be very clear about what you want.
Do your research when hiring an external supervisors and see that they can meet your needs.
Taking a student on placement
Taking a student on placement can be very rewarding RMIT students placement have a model that involved a lot of professional development opportunities for not only the students but the supervisors too,.
Some of the reasons people take on students include
- Requirement of promotion in some industries
- Can be a first step in a leadership position
- Give back to the profession, sharing a good experience or making up for a bad one they had.
- Having a student can keep you updated on current industry standards and research.
Articles
Supporting quality supervision: Insights for organizational practice Who Is Watching Whom? Surveillance in Australian Social Work Supervision
Australian Social Work Supervision Practice in 2007
There are some resources below for those wanting to learn more about supervision.
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https://insidesocialwork.com/
Recommended resources from todays episode
Best Practice in Professional Supervision A Guide for the Helping Professions
https://www.jkp.com/uk/best-practice-in-professional-supervision-2.html
AASW supervision standards
https://www.aasw.asn.au/practitioner-resources/supervision-standards
A guide to supervision in social work field education
http://socialworksupervision.csu.edu.au/resources/docs/CSU-guide-social-work-field-education.pdf
Online supervision course for supervisors https://www.aasw.asn.au/events/event/online-field-education-supervision-training
In this interview with CEO Grant Holland, we discuss his journey from working with cars to becoming a Social Worker and Family Therapist. We take a look at some of the various roles he’s had and how his career lead him to establishing the creative and innovative employment training program at the Holland Foundation, that has helped 506 people get jobs in the last 6 years.
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Hear about how Slater and Gordon’s free Social Work service exists to support their clients Australia-wide who are facing a wide range of emotional and practical concerns as they move through the process of claiming compensation. We discuss a range of issues relating to social workers and their understanding of the law and the ongoing training and workshops the social work service runs to educate social workers on a range of topics.
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Subscribe to the podcast wherever you get your podcasts!
This podcast episode will look a little different to future episodes. Its a chance for you to get to know the host Marie Vakakis and hear about her motivations for the podcast.
The Inside Social Work podcast is a podcast interview series that aims to entertain and inspire Social workers illustrating the diverse world of social work through conversations with industry leaders, colleagues, peers, new graduates and mentors.