Boodaism: Recent Episodes
Dave Booda
“I need you.” That’s a scary thing to say to someone, especially when it’s true. For many of us humans in modern, western civilization — realizing that we need to intimately involve other people in our imperfect, un-photoshopped lives is a frightening thing. So we avoid it. We live alone, we eat alone, we sleep […]
The post We Fucking Need Each Other appeared first on Boodaism.
Gather round my digital friends, I’m going to tell you about a time , a beautiful and innocent time, when the internet made people happy. Long, long ago, before large corporations started buying up parts of the internet, and before sites like medium.com turned all the bloggers into employees, there was a time when individuals owned […]
The post I miss blogs. appeared first on Boodaism.
My name is Dave, and I consider myself a narcissist. I love attention, I constantly overestimate myself, and my favorite topic of conversation is me. Chances are you know people like me, because there are a lot of us — yet almost no one knows how to deal with us effectively. In fact, what most people […]
The post You Can’t Be Nice to a Narcissist appeared first on Boodaism.
I took a break this year. For those of you who have been following this site, you’ll notice that sometime around the end of June I took a break from publishing every week. It wasn’t totally intentional, but it felt right. Up until that point I had been consistently posting every week since December 2014 […]
The post Back in the Saddle: 2018 Annual Review appeared first on Boodaism.
Write something true. That’s my mantra. When I’m feeling blocked I pause and remind myself of this. Write the truth. Not the ultimate truth — just something that feels true, something authentic. That’s what writing is for me, a chance to admit the truth in a space where no one will judge me, hate me […]
The post Tell the Truth appeared first on Boodaism.
I just wanted to shake his hand. Here was a man I learned so much from, that answered so many of my questions about “being a man”, and I just wanted to meet him and say “your book meant a lot to me” — but there were rules. It was 2011, and I was at […]
The post Before You Read ‘The Way of the Superior Man’ Read This appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m a systems thinker, which means I spend a lot of time trying to understand the root of a problem, rather than dealing with it’s symptoms. When we attempt to solve problems without first understanding the system that created them, it’s like bailing out a leaking boat. It may provide temporary relief, but the problem […]
The post The Surprising Foundation of Every Great Relationship appeared first on Boodaism.
It’s the year 2030, and in the western world, turning to a coach for life’s challenges is as common as 1-hour drone delivery from Amazon. It’s easy, it solves our problem and we don’t mind paying a little extra for the convenience. In fact, in 2030 we have more resources than ever, and nearly everyone […]
The post The Day Life Coaches Replaced Best Friends appeared first on Boodaism.
When all the websites have been built, When all the funding has been sought. When all the companies have been sold, When all the Teslas have been bought. When all the charities have been started, When all the employees have been hired. When all the dreams have been fulfilled, When all the people have been […]
The post To My Overachieving Friends, Whom I Love Dearly [Poem] appeared first on Boodaism.
I’ve come to know what I call the “millennial applause” and it’s creepy as hell. Aside from being a snarky blogger on the internet, I play music 3-4 nights a week at local bars and clubs and I’ve been doing it since college. Since my job is to engage the audience, I basically stand in […]
The post Art Isn’t Dead, We Are appeared first on Boodaism.
Leave the campsite better than you found it. That’s the “campsite” rule, coined by Dan Savage and practiced by responsible lovers everywhere. It’s a pledge to leave people in as good a state (physically and emotionally) as you found them. As someone who sleeps with a lot of people—often people who have less experience—I do […]
The post What It Means To “Leave Someone Better Than You Found Them” appeared first on Boodaism.
Last year I watched the moon pass in front of the sun, and the moment when the sky went dark, I became speechless. Like many people who came to watch the solar eclipse, I thought I knew what was going to happen. Pretty simple, right? The moon passes in front of the sun, and the […]
The post Everyone Believes in God appeared first on Boodaism.
You don’t have time for art, But art has time for you. She’s like a friend who’s down For whatever you want to do. Art is not a contest There are no judges to be had, And all your feelings are welcome Be them happy, angry or sad. Your job is not perfection, We’re not […]
The post You Don’t Have Time for Art [Poem] appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m a walking contradiction. On one hand I believe in self-expression and sharing your opinions, even when they make other people uncomfortable. That’s what Boodaism is all about. On the other hand, my heart breaks when something I say makes someone feel bad or limits our ability to feel close to each other. Even if […]
The post Loving All The Parts appeared first on Boodaism.
Here’s a statement everyone would agree with — the more time you spend with people that bring you joy, the more joyful your life will be. And yet — I meet people all the time who feel undernourished and frustrated with this area of their life. When I ask, “why don’t you spend more time […]
The post Why Nerds Are Happier appeared first on Boodaism.
I am completely repulsed by needy behavior in relationships. I’m the kind of person that needs a lot of space — and when I say “space”, I don’t mean once in a while we go out with friends, I mean a default setting of autonomy, with frequent and wonderful periods of togetherness. That may sound […]
The post The Difference Between Having Needs & Being Needy appeared first on Boodaism.
“Life is simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ~ Confucious When I think about the way I travel, I’m not surprised at how simple my set up is, I’m surprised as how complicated it is for everyone else. In many ways, minimalism has made me an outcast. There’s almost no material possession you […]
The post 2018 Ultra-Light Travel Guide: My Gear & Mindset appeared first on Boodaism.
I have a question for you. If you could start a relationship with the hottest man or woman in your city, would you? Let’s say you live in New York and you’re a straight man and you were able to meet the collectively agreed upon most attractive woman in the city. Would you want her […]
The post The Reason It’s So Hard To Find Happy Relationships on Dating Apps appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m a liberal — at least that’s what people call me. Truth be told I don’t like labels or political identities, I think the democratic party is fundamentally flawed and I’m socially progressive and fiscally conservative. But for the purposes of this essay, it’s fair to say I’m diggin’ the scene with a liberal lean. […]
The post The Problem with Liberalism (From a Liberal Perspective) appeared first on Boodaism.
Being alone is easy, but being lonely takes effort. We’re social animals, which means we like to be in groups. Yes, even that person who loves posting introvert porn on Facebook still has friends and enjoys gatherings of like-minded people from time to time. In the same way that headaches let us know we might […]
The post 17 Creative Ways To Be Lonely appeared first on Boodaism.
Have you ever tried bailing out a boat you didn’t know was leaking? You see some water in the bottom of the boat, and you think “hey, I’ll get this water out”, so you grab a bucket and start bailing. Then you notice the water starts to fill up again. So you bail it out, […]
The post How Modern Marriage Is Making Us Lonely appeared first on Boodaism.
A true sign of intelligence isn’t how well you can explain your perspective, it’s how well you can articulate the perspective that opposes yours. I don’t care how well you can articulate your argument, show me how the other person is also partially right and I’ll listen. Show me that you’ve actually considered views from other […]
The post You’re Not Trying To Debate, You’re Just Being a Dick appeared first on Boodaism.
The other day I got to witness a “classic” conversation among women. It’s a conversation that’s been going on in different forms for hundreds of years. A few married women were counseling their single friend about how she could meet “the one”. They went through the usual topics, they asked her what she was looking for, […]
The post Stop Looking for “The One” and Do This Instead appeared first on Boodaism.
So often people come out of retreats, weekends or experiences and proudly declare “I’m transformed” — but I don’t believe them. It’s not that I don’t believe in transformation, I do — but we (especially spiritual people) love to mix up state change and life change. A state change is temporary, and while it may […]
The post State Change vs Transformation appeared first on Boodaism.
No one likes throwing up. That feeling you have just before you vomit is one of life’s most unpleasant sensations, yet we all know how good it feels afterward. However awful the experience of purging was, we know that on some level it needed to happen. Welcome to the United States under President Donald J. […]
The post The President America Needs, Not the One It Wants appeared first on Boodaism.
When it comes to understanding women — nothing beats primary source research. That’s why when I think about straight men who want to improve their love lives, I’d like to suggest something that may seem radical. I believe men would be better served if they hired a sex worker instead of a dating coach. I’m going […]
The post Why Sex Workers Should Replace Dating Coaches appeared first on Boodaism.
I’ve been a singer and musician for most of my life. My biggest influences have always been black singers, and as a white musician who never wanted to sound white, I’ve always struggled with feeling like a phony. This is a poem I imagine myself speaking to a primarily black audience, because as a performer […]
The post I Want You To Like Me [Poem] appeared first on Boodaism.
Here’s something that’s been blowing my mind lately. Video chatting. I know—seems like no big deal, but think back just twenty years ago—before cell phones were a thing and we had to share phone lines with our bratty siblings. If someone gave you a device that fit in the palm of your hand, and could video […]
The post 5 Simple Ways to Have More Intimacy with your Friends appeared first on Boodaism.
As someone with relatively thick skin, I’d like to speak out about something that really bothers me — personal attacks on people we disagree with. I know it’s part of the deal, “haters gotta hate” and all, but wow — it’s incredible what we will say when protected by the anonymity of the internet. I […]
The post On Public Shaming and the Death of Civilized Discourse appeared first on Boodaism.
Consequences create motivation. At the end of my 45-day bicycle trip in September I settled into some new habits that I knew needed to happen, but I never had the motivation for them. For example — my finances have been a mess since I left the Navy in 2010. I’ve always known that doing a […]
The post Consequences Create Motivation: 2017 Annual Review appeared first on Boodaism.
Remember what it was like before we could comment on everything? Seriously, just think back twenty years ago. Someone would do something and if you had something to say you either had to say it in front of people (scary!) or not say it at all. How crazy was that?!? Today, we can leave comments […]
The post The 10 Kinds of People Who Leave Annoying Comments on Facebook appeared first on Boodaism.
I don’t think I’m going out on a limb if I said that people who identify as spiritual tend to be more narcissistic. This isn’t a jab at spirituality, it makes sense and I’d like to explain why. Modern spirituality (in the way we use the term) has become popular because of a need to […]
The post Why Narcissists Love Spiritual Communities appeared first on Boodaism.
I don’t understand how my parents live with the TV constantly on. Like many of my peers, I’ve grown accustomed to living without cable TV running in the background. It’s become so normal for me that when I find myself somewhere with a TV constantly on, it’s distracting and I have trouble focusing. Maybe you […]
The post 7 Ways I Use Minimalism on My iPhone appeared first on Boodaism.
Without the internet, I would have never become a writer. That’s because growing up I thought I was terrible at writing. I got C’s for grades, and I found reading books and writing essays painstaking and tedious. Then along came the internet. Blogging, social media and away messages for AOL instant messenger became my canvas, […]
The post 5 Mistakes People Make When Writing On the Internet appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m sick of watching men “otherize” the perpetrators of sexual violence, as if they could never, ever be capable of something like that. In the last few weeks I’ve heard men say things like this. I’m so angry I could kill that guy right now. I can’t believe it, who would do such a thing? […]
The post Dear Men in Glass Houses appeared first on Boodaism.
Oh boy. I mean, listen — I wish I cared. In fact, just before I wrote this I was browsing YouTube and I stumbled on Sara Bareilles’ music video for “I Choose You” where she spontaneously shows up and sings for two couples getting engaged. It was super cute, and I even had some feels. I […]
The post I Don’t Care You Got Engaged appeared first on Boodaism.
*all commandments are subject to change 1. Don’t follow other people’s commandments. I know, right? What a weird fucking way to start this off. 2. Question Everything Including the statement “question everything”, including me telling you to question the statement questioning the statement “question everything”. Are you confused yet? That’s the point. We need to […]
The post The Ten Commandments of Boodaism appeared first on Boodaism.
A few months ago I was part of a beautiful moment at the San Diego Superior Courthouse. Paula and I had gone to fill out paperwork, and in the waiting room we leaned on each other, shared stories and laughed together. I massaged her shoulders and she scratched my back. That all happened while we […]
The post The Key to a Peaceful Divorce appeared first on Boodaism.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are stupider than that. ~ George Carlin I meet people all the time that are disappointed. They’re disappointed when people aren’t honest, disappointed when people don’t keep their word, disappointed when people don’t respect each other, disappointed when it’s hard to […]
The post People Are Stupid — What George Carlin Taught Me About Happiness appeared first on Boodaism.
Many of you have read the article I Promise It’s Not ‘Lame’ To Ask A Woman for Permission, where I tell the story of how six years ago my insensitivity and ignorance left a woman feeling violated and hurt. What I haven’t told you is shortly after writing the article, I made the same mistake […]
The post Just Feel the Pain appeared first on Boodaism.
I really wanted to go to Iran this year. I love traveling — and being of Armenian heritage, I have a special place in my heart for middle eastern culture. That’s why next year I had been making plans to visit Iran (along with Armenia and Georgia) with my friend Amir, who is Persian and […]
The post The Confronting Reason You Haven’t Been Able to Do That Thing You’ve Been Wanting to Do for a While appeared first on Boodaism.
Sometimes it’s time to move on from a romantic relationship, even when what you have is “good”. Maybe you’re in a relationship that’s happy. In fact, it may be happier than most of the other relationships you see. You’ve surpassed the standards set by your family, culture and your community on what a good relationship […]
The post It’s Okay to End a Good Relationship appeared first on Boodaism.
In 2011 I took a trip that definitively changed my life — I rode a bicycle with 3 other friends from London to Greece (through Turkey). Before that I had considered myself a traveler but I really didn’t know what traveling was. I brought a tent, and I heard we were going to be “free camping”, […]
The post I’m Cycling from Vancouver to San Diego appeared first on Boodaism.
Some problems aren’t worth fixing. Sometimes the energy you give to something doesn’t equal the energy you receive, and it’s time to quit. Sometimes walking away is the solution, and sometimes the person initiating that has to be you. Some projects aren’t worth finishing. It takes courage to stop something that you’ve invested months, maybe […]
The post You Can Always Walk Away appeared first on Boodaism.
I just got off the phone with an old friend of mine who I haven’t talked to in years. He called me to catch up, and share some appreciation for the way I show up online, which meant a lot to me, because he’s someone I really respect and love. Then he made a comment […]
The post Relationships Are Really Really Really Really Really Really Fucking Important appeared first on Boodaism.
I’ve always felt uncomfortable with gender expectations. The idea that I should be a certain way because I have a Y chromosome never sat well with me. Do I enjoy doing typical “male” things like fixing problems and opening stuck jars? Sure I do, but there’s a world of difference between being asked to do […]
The post Dating Beyond Gender appeared first on Boodaism.
Let’s start off with some radical honesty. I used to be a life coach — and many times I was “that” life coach. Some of you who have been following my blog for a while may even know that, and to you I sincerely apologize. I even had the phrase “you can have it all” […]
The post I Wish We Would Stop Saying “You Can Have It All” appeared first on Boodaism.
Today as I was spending time with an article I wrote called 4 Relationship Lessons From 4 Years of Marriage and I had a scary and exciting thought. I would totally do that again. That’s not to say I would fall in love with Paula (my ex-wife) again, but if the circumstances were right, I’d happily […]
The post I Would Fall In Love With My Ex-Wife Again In A Heartbeat appeared first on Boodaism.
Gerald is a retired CPS worker in his late 50s — and yesterday he was also my Lyft driver. Gerald spent 28 years investigating thousands of child abuse claims and now drives for Lyft to make some extra cash. I asked him what he learned working that job for so many years — hoping to […]
The post What I Believe Makes America Great appeared first on Boodaism.
I never knew how luxurious my childhood home was until I met Paula. Paula was raised in a one-room apartment in Poland during communism, I was raised in a four-bedroom house in the suburbs of Massachusetts. Here’s a picture of it. I still remember the look on Paula’s face when we she saw it for […]
The post The Self-Righteousness of Minimalism and Vagabonding appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m sitting in the Amtrak lobby of Union Station in Los Angeles, about to board a 12-hour train to Oakland, California. There’s a man playing Billy Joel songs on the piano across the room, and I happily remove my headphones to enjoy his contribution. As I look to my left I see a young couple […]
The post The Magic of Slowing Down appeared first on Boodaism.
Let’s imagine for a moment that you’ve fallen in love. You’re out at your favorite health food store and out of the corner of your eye you spot Pat. You and Pat lock eyes — and it’s on. That night you’re sharing your favorite Kombucha and telling Pat how you feel like your whole life […]
The post The Subtle Shift That Causes Stress in Long-Term Relationships appeared first on Boodaism.
I’ve been wanderin’ From coast to coast. I’ve been sleeping under the stars And tryin’ to make the most. Just a few possessions I carry on my back. I’m in love with the simple life There’s nothing that I lack. Still I do too much thinkin, From my point of view, I got too many […]
The post A Minimalist Love Song [Song] appeared first on Boodaism.
I used to think being in the military caused couples to break up. Between 2005 and 2010 I was a Navy Officer stationed on two different ships in San Diego and one of the things that initially shocked me about the Navy was how common divorce was. It seemed as though meeting a sailor who hadn’t been divorced […]
The post You’re Busy Because You’re Afraid to Change Your Life appeared first on Boodaism.
I am a religious man. My body is my temple, My soul is my altar. My thoughts are my prayers, My mind is my humble priest. My intuition is my bible, My conviction is my faith. My devotion is my salvation, My life is my offering. I am a religion of one.
The post A Religion of One [Poem] appeared first on Boodaism.
Hey bro — check this out. I’m gonna tell you how totally awesome feminism is. Okay so maybe you’re like me and your initial reaction to feminism was an eye roll and a “who gives a fuck” — I get it. Some of the ways feminism is presented can be annoying. Some feminists hate men and some […]
The post Why Men Shouldn’t Be Threatened by Feminism appeared first on Boodaism.
A few months ago there was a consent scandal in my community. When I say scandal—I mean there was a long discussion on Facebook—started by one man who was angry that he had heard about some women having rapey experiences with men, and to him that wasn’t okay. And it’s not okay. My community and our […]
The post Why Nuanced Conversation About Consent Is So Hard appeared first on Boodaism.
My Dad is in his mid-60s, and the rate at which his friends are getting prostate cancer is staggering. It seems as though every time I talk to him he tells me about someone else who got diagnosed. It’s become so commonplace that I started to do research, and discovered that 1 in 7 men living […]
The post 5 Awesome Fucking Reasons Straight Men Should Take It Up The Ass appeared first on Boodaism.
Most of the entrepreneurs I know are workaholics. Workaholism is an addiction to being busy. It’s a constant need for more — more growth, more revenue, more scaling, and like any addiction, there is never enough. Over time it becomes an obsession, and we are driven mindlessly by the idea that somewhere in the not-so-distant future […]
The post Why I Love and Hate Being Friends with Entrepreneurs appeared first on Boodaism.
Here’s to all the companies I never led, Here’s to all the women I never wed. Here’s to all the kids I didn’t sire, Here’s to all the coaches I didn’t hire. Here’s to all the books I didn’t write, Here’s to all the battles I didn’t fight. Here’s to all the degrees I never got, […]
The post An Ode to Space [Poem] appeared first on Boodaism.
When I talk to people about open relationships the first question they usually ask is “how do you deal with jealousy”? It’s a great question, because jealousy is often hard to deal with. As open relationships become more popular and couples open themselves up to new experiences, everyone wants to be that partner who’s “not […]
The post How To Transform Jealousy Into Excitement appeared first on Boodaism.
How quickly we forget history. Lately there has been a rash of articles and videos accusing millennials of being selfish, entitled, narcissistic, lazy and having little to no attention span. They are right, and also completely wrong. That’s because millennials are all those things — selfish, lazy and entitled, but those character traits have nothing to […]
The post Millennials Aren’t The Problem, We Are appeared first on Boodaism.
Let’s get this out of the way first. I’m a happily divorced, ethically non-monogamous guy who thinks marriage ruins relationships — so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. What I’m going to suggest will be wildly unpopular among “normal” people, since it goes against everything we’ve been taught to believe about marriage. Ready […]
The post The Most Un-Romantic Marriage Advice Ever appeared first on Boodaism.
The world is inside you, And I hope that’s good news. Not just joy and beauty, Or the things that you choose. There’s nothing in others That you don’t possess, Although there are times You may not confess. Every emotion, Every kind of thought, Every part of nature, There’s nothing you’re not. So if you […]
The post The World Is Inside You [Poem] appeared first on Boodaism.
As a musician, sometimes live music feels like Chinese water torture, because I notice all the ways the performers fall short of my hopes and expectations. I notice the gimmicks, the lack of originality and I notice the way people phone it in instead of really being present with the audience — and it drives […]
The post You’re Not a Bad Person, You Just Have Great Taste appeared first on Boodaism.
Let me see if I get this right… You don’t like that someone else is triggered because you judge their upset as trivial and meaningless. Makes sense. Then you call them out and become visibly agitated by the fact that they’re triggered. Now you’re triggered that they’re triggered. Hang on a sec… You don’t like that […]
The post I’m Triggered That You’re Triggered appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day, which is also Paula’s birthday. We just finished video chatting and catching up on each other’s lives and I felt a warm sense of relief. Many of the conversations over the last six months since we broke up have been painful – they would start out okay but quickly spiral […]
The post 4 Relationship Lessons from 4 Years of Marriage appeared first on Boodaism.
The more I learn about true consent, the more I understand the essential role that privilege plays in getting it right. First it’s worth defining what I mean when I say privilege, because it’s a word that gets used a lot. Privilege is an advantage granted to or had by a particular person or group […]
The post Why Understanding Privilege is Essential to True Consent appeared first on Boodaism.
I consider myself a “poly” guy, which means I’m someone for whom a polyamorous lifestyle resonates with. I don’t consider myself a Tantra guy, yet I choose to spend a lot of time around people who really dig it. I just spent a month in Hawaii clearing chakras and talking sex magic with some of the […]
The post Why Tantra and Polyamory Don’t Mix appeared first on Boodaism.
“One is fruitful only at the cost of being rich in contradictions.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche Too often we hang on to our beliefs and decisions far beyond when they have stopped serving us, and we do it out of a misguided notion that it’s honorable to hold the same belief for a long period of time. […]
The post The Fetish of Consistency appeared first on Boodaism.
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~ Leonardo da Vinci One of the greatest joys in my life has been letting go. Whether it was my last days as a Navy Officer, moving to a new city or even the end of a romantic relationship, letting go has always been a life experience I cherish. For […]
The post Minimalist Packing Guide: How To Travel Indefinitely With A Normal Backpack appeared first on Boodaism.
There’s something so royal about going through airport security and not having to take your shoes off or take your laptop out of your bag. It’s funny how quickly we forget that this used to be the norm. Yes, I’m talking about TSA Pre-Check, and it’s glorious. As I sit here in the Hawaii sun […]
The post The Purpose of My Travels appeared first on Boodaism.
At a time when we can’t go ten minutes without hearing someone declare how they’re going to turn everything around and make 2017 their best year yet, it’s a radical notion to propose that we simply continue on the course we’re on. We live in a culture that’s obsessed with instant results. New Years comes around […]
The post I’m Not Changing a Damn Thing in 2017 appeared first on Boodaism.
- What a crazy year this has been. While the purpose of this post isn’t to summarize what happened in the world, it’s worth mentioning that I believe we will look back on 2016 and it’s significance for many years to come. That being said, let’s talk about my life and Boodaism. In this report […]
The post 2016 Annual Review appeared first on Boodaism.
Twas the night before Christmas and I was a mess, I had not done my shopping, as you can probably guess. My family did plan, for months in advance, And never left holiday shopping to chance. I wanted to charm them, I wanted to share, A wonderful gift, to show them I care. I thought and […]
The post A Minimalist Christmas Poem appeared first on Boodaism.
I’d like to take a minute to appreciate how profoundly lucky I am. I’m writing this from Winchester, Massachusetts where I’m currently spending a month living at home with my parents. Winchester (as described by Wikipedia) is “an affluent bedroom community for professionals who work in the greater Boston area.” The median house value is $899,700 […]
The post The Unexpected Reason I Can Afford an Adventurous Life appeared first on Boodaism.
Letting go of who you think you should be and trading that in for who you want to be is the sexiest thing anyone can do. That’s what feminism means to me, and here are five reasons I get a tingle in my loins around short-haired*, independent women. * = not all feminists have short hair, […]
The post 5 Reasons a Feminist Is Sexy appeared first on Boodaism.
Silver linings. That’s been the subject of my thoughts recently. I’ve been contemplating the ways recent events in the United States have effected positive change, and thankfully I’ve found some. Yesterday I saw another. I was walking through Natick, Massachusetts when I heard the revving of an engine. I turned to see a Jeep full […]
The post It’s Not Okay To
Be Silent Anymore appeared first on Boodaism.
A few years ago I finally realized how homophobic I was. I was shopping for clothes at a local mall. As I browsed the dress shirts, I made sure to avoid any that were too stylish. I remembered how my friends used to make fun of me if I was too fashionable so I picked […]
The post I’m Afraid of Being Gay appeared first on Boodaism.
You are already an activist, you’re just too scared to hit the streets. You are already an artist, you’re just too scared to pick up a brush. You are already a singer, you’re just too scared to pick up the mic. You are already a writer, you’re just too scared to hit publish. You are […]
The post Art is Disagreement appeared first on Boodaism.
We want to be one of the good ones. When women talk about the ways they’ve been mistreated, abused and made small at the hands of bad men, we secretly hope they don’t mean us. We hope they don’t notice the ways we haven’t been perfect. We are mostly confused about how to give women […]
The post On Being A Man appeared first on Boodaism.
I had a lot of trouble writing an article this week. I made a promise to myself in December of 2014 that I would post every week to Boodaism and so far I’ve kept that promise (aside from a planned Sabbatical in February). But I knew this week was going to be a bitch. In […]
The post The Hardest Thing About Professional Blogging appeared first on Boodaism.
Content Warning: This contains description of an unwanted sexual encounter. In 2010 a woman accused me of rape. Here’s the story. I met a woman in Houston while on tour as a musician. We exchanged numbers and when I came back to town a few years later I looked her up. We met for food, […]
The post I Promise, It’s Not ‘Lame’ To Ask A Woman for Consent appeared first on Boodaism.
Sometimes I forget why I travel. I like to think I do it for the amazing memories, and that’s partly true. I like to think I do it to expand my world, and that’s true too, but there’s one important reason that I seem to easily forget. I do it for contrast. Contrast means enduring […]
The post Traveling Sucks Too appeared first on Boodaism.
Let’s talk about sex. In fact, I want to share something that I like sexually, and to be honest, it’s weirded people out in the past. They say it ruins the mood, they say I over do it, and they say I shouldn’t need that before sex. I guess you could even say it’s my sexual fetish. Ready? It’s talking. Yeah, […]
The post Communication Is My Fetish appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m a snobby musician. I judge, I complain and I rant about how musicians should be better at their craft and pay more attention to the details. I even use the excuse that I have refined taste (which of course I do) but the truth is my critical mind also hinders my ability to enjoy music. […]
The post What Music Is Really About appeared first on Boodaism.
This is for all the times I’ve stopped myself by trying to write something smart or profound. This is for all the times I had to stop making art because the bills on my desk got too loud to ignore. This is for all the times I tried to write something people would like, or […]
The post This Is For Me appeared first on Boodaism.
Do you know the most dangerous man in the world? It’s not the man who is trained to kill, it’s not the billionaire who is obsessed with money and it’s not the zealot bent on converting everyone to his religion. The most dangerous man is the one who can’t get laid. That’s because when a […]
The post In Defense of Pick Up Artists appeared first on Boodaism.
Five years ago I heard some wisdom from a wise woman, and at the time I thought she was crazy. “Dave, do you know why most people go on second dates?” She asked. “Because they like each other?” I replied. “No.” She said. “The reason most people go on second dates is one person asks, […]
The post The One Question No One Asks On A Date (But Should) appeared first on Boodaism.
Being alone is a relief, but feeling lonely sucks. Being alone is a needed break from the hectic world that constantly demands our attention. It’s a cup of coffee and a good book while the kids are off at school. It’s a solo hike up a beautiful mountain with the sounds of nature keeping you […]
The post Loneliness Is My Spiritual Practice appeared first on Boodaism.
Today I started reading Eat, Pray, Love, as one does when they are re-discovering themselves. I can relate a lot to Liz Gilbert’s description of her first marriage. I know what it’s like to not want to leave a relationship, while simultaneously not wanting to stay in it either. Her honesty and fresh perspectives are […]
The post There’s No Such Thing as a Failed Relationship appeared first on Boodaism.
The people I pay attention to are the ones that can hold multiple perspectives. They are the ones that speak their truth, but also have the awareness to recognize that it's just one in a sea of truths.
The post You’re Perfect Just the Way You Aren’t appeared first on Boodaism.
We live in a culture that holds longevity as the primary measure of a successful relationship, but that’s like judging the success of someone’s life based on how many years they live.
The post How I Define a Successful Relationship appeared first on Boodaism.
If you don’t jump, you don’t graduate. That was the thought running through my head as I prepared to plunge 33-feet down into a dive pool at the United States Naval Academy. I was terrified. My stomach was in knots, and I felt like throwing up as I slowly walked toward the long, cold metal […]
The post Don’t Follow Your Heart appeared first on Boodaism.
The problem we face as people living in western society isn’t that we are failing to succeed, it’s that we’re playing a game that’s not worth winning. We work harder and harder to acquire more status, more money, more things, and all the while never realize that winning the game isn’t just impossible, but will […]
The post We’re Unhappy Because We Try to Win a Shitty Game appeared first on Boodaism.
The scariest thing in my world is knowing that I always have direct access to pure, unfiltered truth. This isn’t a claim of me being special, or better than anyone, it’s just my experience of life. At any time, any place, I have access to something so true is cuts like the sharpest knife. I’m […]
The post I’m Afraid of My Truth appeared first on Boodaism.
The difference between drug users and people in love is drug users know they’re high. That’s the funny thing about being in love, most of us are convinced we’re sane. We actually perceive ourselves as having more clarity, more access to truth and more self-awareness. The love we are now experiencing often feels like a re-claiming of […]
The post Love + Drugs appeared first on Boodaism.
There are some wonderful things about living in California, and also some things that make me want to scream. I just returned from a wedding in Massachusetts, the state I grew up in. I met a lot of wonderful people, had some stimulating conversations and noticed something surprising. Out of all the people I talked […]
The post On Personal Branding and the Addiction to Self-Importance appeared first on Boodaism.
There is a phrase chalk full of wisdom, profundity and great relationship advice that echoes through the halls of locker rooms, fraternities and groups of beer-drinking men everywhere. Bros before hoes. This simple statement represents a concept that has helped me have a more passionate, fulfilling marriage, and I can’t believe it took me so long to […]
The post My Wife Is Not My Therapist appeared first on Boodaism.
Recently, I decided that I don’t want to have kids. It came with a huge sense of relief. I’ve been on the fence about it for years so feeling clear has allowed me to look into my future with a renewed sense of conviction and confidence. It wasn’t an easy decision though. It’s a catch-22. We can’t know […]
The post Yes I Would Be A Good Dad, and No I Don’t Want Kids appeared first on Boodaism.
I just noticed a profound shift in how I view insecurities. I was talking with someone who had just bought a ticket to IntimacyFest and at the end of the conversation she asked “I’m worried about what people will think about ___(insert your own insecurity here)____.” You know what my first thought was? “You have […]
The post Insecurity as a Gateway to Connection appeared first on Boodaism.
True or False… It’s healthy to have frequent conversations with your romantic partner that put the future of your relationship at risk. I think most people would say false. I would have said false for most of my life. In fact, not only did I think it was unhealthy, but I judged those couples as […]
The post The Death and Re-Birth of My Marriage appeared first on Boodaism.
“Drop your ego” they said. “Love and light” they said. “Transcend the ego” they said. But maybe our ego is more useful than we think. Maybe instead of something to be avoided, or dropped, or killed… it’s something to be celebrated. If it weren’t for the ego, we would never know deep human connection. That’s […]
The post Ego Makes Intimacy Possible appeared first on Boodaism.
I’ve never had an inner crisis over being a giraffe. I’ve never stared longingly at high-hanging fruit or wished my neck was thirty feet long, and that makes sense. I can’t be a giraffe. I wish it were that simple when it comes to being a man. Last week I realized I don’t want to provide […]
The post Breaking the Gender Code appeared first on Boodaism.
Today I almost broke up with my wife and cried more than I have all year. That’s me. I’m 33 and have no consistent income, a past of many failed business ideas and nothing a reasonable person would consider financially promising on the near horizon. That’s me. I don’t want to play the role of […]
The post This is Me, This Is Enough appeared first on Boodaism.
There seems to be a strange correlation between people who think they are manifesting things and the extent to which they lie about how happy they are. First off, let me expose myself for the new age skeptic I am. I cringe whenever I hear someone use the word “manifest” unless they are talking about […]
The post How the Manifesting Generation is Collectively Killing Our Self-Esteem appeared first on Boodaism.
Life purpose. What a pain in the ass. Part of me hates this term even exists, yet another part feels it’s an undeniable part of the human experience. And why do we have to write about it so much? It seems like there is a new article on life purpose that gets published every minute, and […]
The post Here’s a New Way To Look at Life Purpose appeared first on Boodaism.
In 2010 a college student paid me $400 to help him pick up women. I know, it surprised me too. I’m the kind of person who enjoys digging into other people’s problems to avoid my own, so the idea of getting paid to do this was really exciting. It turned out to be the beginning of […]
The post 5 Things I Wish They Told Me When I Started Life Coaching appeared first on Boodaism.
I’d love to see a woman elected president. I don’t think we can really understand the significance of what that would mean for a country that less than 100 years ago didn’t even allow women the right to vote. It would be a win for women everywhere, and it would set a precedent for the […]
The post Bernie Is My Girl appeared first on Boodaism.
I have a lot of friends. Shit, I have so many friends I can’t even keep track of all the people I would love to spend time with. I have a community of warm, open-hearted people who throw lots of parties, give long hugs and are always happy to see me. My life is as […]
The post Lonely Is the New Normal appeared first on Boodaism.
“Yeah, but you don’t understand what I’ve been through”. “The men I’ve dated never met my needs.” “I’ll never find a woman like that.” These are the battle cries of the cynic. These are the lamentations of the victim. These are the stubborn beliefs of people who have given up. They’ve given up because they […]
The post I Hope You Give Up On Love appeared first on Boodaism.
Hi. My name is Dave, and I’m addicted to video games. Marvel Contest of Champions. Clash of Clans. Heard of these? I’ve spent hundreds of hours in the last couple years building up virtual cities, invading evil clans and battling against the world’s most powerful superheroes, all from the palm of my iPhone. Before you get […]
The post How Your Addictions Can Be Good for Productivity appeared first on Boodaism.
Sometimes relationship experts can be so full of shit. I got an email today from a friend who heard John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) on a podcast talking about how monogamy is the only healthy choice for couples. There’s also Gay Hendricks (best selling author) talking about “Why Polyamory Just Doesn’t Work”. […]
The post Why Most Relationship Experts Are Completely Wrong About Polyamory appeared first on Boodaism.
Pretend for a moment that I invented a time machine, and we are able to go into the future, all the way to the end of your life. You close your eyes, the machine makes some funny noises and then bam, you wake up in the body of yourself as an old man or woman. […]
The post Your Life Is Always on the Right Track appeared first on Boodaism.
Right now, Paula is on her way to San Francisco to spend five days with her best friend. I just talked to her, she’s on the road and everything is fine, yet I can’t escape this lingering thought… What if she gets in a car accident and I never see her again? I could rationalize […]
The post I’m Afraid My Wife Will Die appeared first on Boodaism.
Veterans day is my least favorite holiday. Maybe it’s because we live in a culture that glorifies the military, maybe it’s because I wish we thanked cops as much as we thanked soldiers, or maybe it’s just because I get uncomfortable when people thank me for my service. I didn’t join for my country, I […]
The post The Real Reason People Join the Military and Go To War appeared first on Boodaism.
There I was, standing in a hot, crowded tent with seventy people sitting on all sides of me, listening while I introduced a workshop at the one and only Burning Man Festival. I was trying my best to look natural. My hands were searching my body for a comfortable place to be and I was anxiously shifting […]
The post The Simple Key To Relaxation appeared first on Boodaism.
Do you know how wars start? I’m not just talking about the wars fought with guns and tanks, I’m talking about the wars fought between people. Before we can understand why relationships go sour, couples separate in anger and why little misunderstandings can turn into feuds that last for years, we must first understand the exact moment a […]
The post The Secret to Happy Relationships I Learned
From Jesus appeared first on Boodaism.
Anyone can be an artist who does work they love, and gets paid well for it. I’ll warn you though, this isn’t a feel good article designed to get you drunk on possibility. It’s a reality check. It’s a conversation about what it actually takes to be successful and the mindsets that keep us stuck. […]
The post Why Artists Fail, Go Broke and Die Unfulfilled appeared first on Boodaism.
There I was, cuddling with five friends on a large sofa when I had a thought. Why do I make enjoying life so complicated? I thought about how often I miss the little things that make a big difference, so I can chase the big things that make a little difference. Then I realized I’d better get back to […]
The post 30 Ridiculously Simple Ways To Make Your Life Better appeared first on Boodaism.
Two years ago I read a sentence from a little tiny ebook that I still can’t get out of my head. The book was a collection of twenty-five famous authors and experts giving their best business advice, and each person had two pages. Most of the answers were predictable and long-winded. Then I came to Seth […]
The post 2015 Annual Review appeared first on Boodaism.
In 2006 I lent $65,000 to my friend’s brother with the agreement that in three years he would pay me back $94,000. He was investing in land, I had some extra money and I trusted my friend, who would also be co-signing the deal. We signed a promissory note and off he went to invest. Turns out 2006-2009 […]
The post How To Get a $65,000 Loan Back From Your Friend appeared first on Boodaism.
There is a crippling problem facing many of the most talented, creative and innovative people alive today. We have too many awesome ideas. How can you blame us? Thanks to the internet, there are more possibilities for our life than ever before. Not interested in a typical career? You could start your own business, travel […]
The post 5 Simple Questions To Find Creative Work You Love appeared first on Boodaism.
Lately I’ve been thinking about how our society has been set up to shame women who like sex. I’m sure we’ve all thought about this, the double standard that exists where a man can sleep with a lot of women and be celebrated while a woman sleeping with a lot of men is shunned. It’s ridiculous, but […]
The post Jesus Loves Orgasms appeared first on Boodaism.
Five years ago I returned to visit the 6th grade teacher that changed my life. I walked into his classroom, proudly sporting a tan leather jacket I bought a week earlier in Montepulciano, Italy. I was surprised at how short he was, and quickly realized all my memories of him were from a time when I was […]
The post You Don’t Need To Save The World To Feel Like You Made A Difference appeared first on Boodaism.
One of the things I find most frustrating about myself is how I get excited about something, enthusiastically declare it to the world then a few months or years later come out and say "I'm not doing that anymore".
The post I’m Struggling to Not Sell Out appeared first on Boodaism.
Intentions are essential, strategy is not. Most of us go through life thinking we need to have a good strategy. We worry about things like what career to choose, when to get married, how many kids to have and how we’re going to lead next week’s business meeting. It’s almost entirely unnecessary. What we really need is […]
The post Having an Intention vs Needing a Strategy appeared first on Boodaism.
I love talking about open relationships, and no one understands them. So are you some sort of hedonist? Does that mean you’re not really serious? Why get married then? Sometimes it can be overwhelming, because once someone finds out you’re in an open relationship it’s all they want to talk about. But I don’t mind. I […]
The post What I Mean When I Say I’m in an Open Relationship appeared first on Boodaism.
It ain’t easy bein’ an ego. Every day, our fragile little ego innocently seeks validation, approval, a sense of importance, and then what happens? Our “higher” self catches on and ruins the whole thing. What a party pooper. In my twenties I was having a great time being a player, having meaningless sex with women […]
The post The Inconvenient Truth About Legacy appeared first on Boodaism.
I have a friend named John. John is a captivating public speaker, and shows it in this viral video about finding your passion. People think John is an expert at passion, they think he has special knowledge on the subject and that he can teach them something. They are right, and totally wrong. What John teaches is mostly insignificant. It’s not […]
The post How To Find Your Passion Instantly appeared first on Boodaism.
Two years ago I ran out of money. This was different than being in debt, I mean I literally exhausted all my financial resources to the point where the gas light was on in my car and I was wondering “do I have enough money to get gas?” I felt afraid and excited. “Excited?” I thought […]
The post Running Out of Money as an Adventure appeared first on Boodaism.
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. ~ Mark Twain What if every child growing up in the United States visited 40 different countries before they graduated high school? This is an impossible dream I’ve had for several years, so I’ve decided to share it because it’s too good not to. It’s an idea that was born […]
The post Virtual Exchange Program: Geography Class for the 21st Century appeared first on Boodaism.
My Mom was crying when I called her.
I woke up this morning to a text message that simply said "please call". That means something serious has happened.
The post What To Do When I Die appeared first on Boodaism.
A few minutes ago I was editing the audio for my podcast Darken the Page. I was spending more time on it than I planned, making tiny changes that no one else would notice, and judging myself. “I’m such a perfectionist”, I thought. Then I noticed something interesting. I enjoy making these little edits. I love the fact that everything […]
The post How Indulging Perfectionism Makes Me A Better Writer appeared first on Boodaism.
I have good news and bad news. The good news is how you see the world is totally accurate. The bad news is that also applies for every single person you’ve ever met. All perspectives are true, but they are not the whole truth. In fact, the whole truth may be so magnificent and vast […]
The post All Perspectives Are True appeared first on Boodaism.
Author’s Note: Nothing that I’m about to suggest is fact, it’s a framework to see life from a different perspective. Before you were born, you were nothing. You existed without a body, a mind or a life. You chose to come to Earth because you wanted to experience this thing called “life”. Before you arrived, […]
The post Life Is A Carnival of Experience appeared first on Boodaism.
Consider that life is like an art class. This class has no beginning, no end and the kids come and go. When you arrive, the teacher hands you a blank canvas and says, you can create whatever you want, you can have all the materials you want, there are no grades, no expectations and no […]
The post Life is Like an Art Class appeared first on Boodaism.
Maybe you’re not so special. I get it. Everyone is different, everyone has their own gift and everyone is a unique manifestation of the divine blah blah blah… that’s also true, but sometimes we take this too far. Lately, this idea of two people being “twin flames” keeps popping up on my Facebook news feed. I decided […]
The post Maybe You’re Not So
Fucking Special appeared first on Boodaism.
I love walking through automatic doors, then right before they open raising my hands and pretending I’m opening them with special powers. Isn’t that fun? Isn’t it fun to pretend like you’re in control? We go through life thinking that we are in the drivers seat, thinking we are in control and that everything happens because […]
The post Are You Really In Control of Your Life? appeared first on Boodaism.
We often set goals when we are not genuinely inspired to do something. Isn’t that interesting? To me, this statement says everything I need to know about how goal setting can be counter-productive to productivity. Goals need to exist when we’re forcing ourselves to do something we resist. If a goal is created for the purpose of motivating […]
The post A Goal Is Something You Don’t Want To Do appeared first on Boodaism.
It was just past midnight on the Greek island of Naxos when I awoke to bits of sand hitting my face and cold air blowing in off the Aegean Sea. I quickly sat up, looked around and began to panic. The thing I had been afraid of this entire trip had just happened. That night I had […]
The post The Most Frustrating and Beautiful Day of My Life appeared first on Boodaism.
How do you know when it’s the right time to break up with someone? The confusion around this question has caused me lots of frustration. As a single guy, it stopped me from really loving someone deeply, because I was afraid of getting stuck. In relationships, my uncertainty led to anxiety about how to deal with times […]
The post On Breaking Up appeared first on Boodaism.
Why am I not succeeding? For many years, this question was the launching point of my work as a life-coach, and I had a great answer to it. You don’t want it bad enough. It was a fun moment. I would launch into an inspirational speech and say things like… If you wanted it bad enough you’d […]
The post You Don’t Want It Bad Enough, and That’s Okay appeared first on Boodaism.
Hi. My name is Dave, and I’m a scale-a-holic. I can’t stop optimizing. The funny thing is, I never thought it was a problem, because everyone I know does it too. Who doesn’t love efficiency, right? Read a book in five hours instead of ten? Sign me up. Brush my teeth in 30 seconds instead of 2 minutes with the […]
The post 4 Habits of Highly Effective People Who Are Never Satisfied appeared first on Boodaism.
What makes a great speaker? What is the difference between someone who is so compelling they easily hold your attention, and someone who is so boring that it’s a fight to keep your mind from wandering? It’s not their body language, it’s not how much they know and it’s not their charisma. It’s something we all do without realizing […]
The post How To Touch Someone’s Heart appeared first on Boodaism.
I didn’t want to write this article. I wanted to write something like “how to throw caution to the wind and make art that scares you”. The problem is I’ve already written that. Many times. There is an equally valid perspective about how great art gets made, and it’s not sexy. It starts with two words. […]
The post The Benefits of Comfort and Security for a Creative Life appeared first on Boodaism.
I often meet people who hear discoveries about life and instantly compare them to teachers, religions or philosophies they are familiar with. They are like an encyclopedia of theories, and everything can be referenced in the library of their memory. They will say things like “that sounds like Zen” or “that’s what Eckhart Tolle is saying” […]
The post An Encyclopedia Contains No Wisdom appeared first on Boodaism.
I’d like to share some good news. You are not loved. You are not safe. You are not whole. You are not successful. You are not enough. You are not worthy. When we affirm ourselves, we are playing into the agenda of our ego. We are shoring up the walls that hold our identity in tact. […]
The post All Affirmations Are False appeared first on Boodaism.
“You shouldn’t be teaching” This weekend I got a curious piece of feedback. A woman, who has been teaching and facilitating a lot longer than Paula and I, said we shouldn’t be teaching. She wanted me to know that we don’t have the experience necessary to be teaching or leading events and that my “relationship clearly needs work”. […]
The post The Audacity of Giving Yourself Permission appeared first on Boodaism.
I’ve decided to do my best today, even if my best sucks. I’m behind on my projects, not feeling creative, and everything I write I’m throwing in the trash, but you know what? I’m going to do my best, and know that whatever happens, it was the best I could do. Some days what I […]
The post Doing Your Best, Even When It Sucks appeared first on Boodaism.
I’m going to make a bold, over-generalized statement to get your attention that only someone as privileged as me can make about making art. You should never make art for the money. In today’s society with the abundance that we often take for granted, we sacrifice our art too early and too often. I’m not saying don’t […]
The post On Art and Making Money appeared first on Boodaism.
You have to be willing to get your heart broken to fall in love. If romance is a tree, the relationships we want are at the end of the branches, where you might fall, because it’s not safe. If life is like a carnival, love is the scariest ride. It has a line of eager […]
The post Love Is Either A Daring Adventure or Nothing At All appeared first on Boodaism.
This week, my wife Paula and I are doing something that means we are either extravagantly rich or about to get divorced. We are staying in separate rooms, in the same hotel. But here’s the thing. We’re not extravagantly rich, I don’t snore (much) and lately we’ve been more in love than ever. We learned two things […]
The post The Joy of Missing My Wife appeared first on Boodaism.
When the earthquake happened, Paula and I were eating at a local restaurant in Pokhara, Nepal. There was some confusion, some scurrying and some laughter. It seems as if being in an earthquake is like being tickled. A little can be fun, but too much and we begin to panic. That’s why it seemed strange when […]
The post On Earthquakes and Feeling Helpless appeared first on Boodaism.
I just celebrated something that most people would think is silly. I’m at a restaurant with internet that works and an outlet that has power to charge my laptop. This is a great moment (I’m not kidding). I’m in Pokhara Nepal, which is not a modern city by western standards. The other day I went to three different restaurants […]
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What determines a person’s value? Is it their net worth? Is it their social status? Is it their influence? Is it their ability to bring you business? Is it how many celebrities they know? In my life, all these have been true. I value people for what they can do for me. It’s shallow, it’s […]
The post The Commodification of People appeared first on Boodaism.
Personalities wouldn’t exist if we gave ourselves permission to be authentic in every moment. Personality tests and labeling can be helpful sometimes, so this isn’t a pitch to totally eliminate them. Instead, I’m inviting us to consider how we use them as a way to avoid fear. Let’s say I’m in a group of friends and […]
The post Personality as a Substitute for Courage appeared first on Boodaism.
The most counter-intuitive thing I discovered in this journey was that the freedom I was seeking was only found through being 100% in.
The post The Peculiar Reason Men (and Women) Are Afraid Of Deep Relationships appeared first on Boodaism.