Showing Up To Life: Recent Episodes
Art Burns
A daily podcast for people who want to naturally reduce stress in their bodies and optimize themselves to THRIVE in their lives, and not merely survive.
Popping in for an impromptu episode on the vital importance of seeing - clearly and efficiently - where our attention is at any given moment.
If you're interested in a chat, click here:
Virtual Cup of Tea With Art
I'm back after a loooooong break to talk about mindfulness, rigidity, chaos, tolerance, and how to approach 'The Work'
Most people come to mindfulness and compassion practices in order to heal and grow in some way. It could be anything, from stress reduction to relationship work, and everything in between.
So it's important to recognize that the mind - because it doesn't 'see' what isn't there - will tend to not notice the improvements along the way of the journey. This will often lead to pessimism and, often, the abandonment of the practices.
In today's episode, I explore this phenomenon from the perspective of our intra- and interpersonal, moment-by-moment experiences.
Another quickie! I just posted this on social media and thought you might like to hear it:
In the Compsych Stress Pulse Report - a report that showed that nearly 70% of employees in North America experience chronic stress - the number one reason people cited for workplace stress is their workload.
While it is true that employees are asked to more than ever, the workload itself is not the true source of the stress.
Check out this video and let me know what you think!
When we engage in blame, not only are we never accurate in the placing of blame, we deprive ourselves of all that is really important.
Self reflection can be a profoundly beneficial practice. We can learn about who we are in the here and now from examining who we were before. Or self reflection can be profoundly inhibiting and damaging. We become a more limited version. of ourselves and lose our self confidence and optimism. The difference is in how much we hold ourselves with love and kindness as we perform the self reflection.
When kids play, they learn far more efficiently. And, while most of us have abandoned play as childish and wasteful, we actually will be more efficient and capable - more OPTIMIZED for life - when we play at our life instead of trying to win at life.
In today's episode, I talk all about this from both the spiritual and the scientific approaches.
Hope you enjoy!
Wishing you well.
In today's episode of Showing Up To Life, I talk about what are - to me and the many clients I've worked with over the past four years - the most essential and vital skills to managing life's stressors without the damaging stress on the body.
As always, if you have any questions or comments, I welcome all emails: art@artburnscoaching.comI wish you well.
It's great to be back! Today I talk about the pandemic of loneliness - in the US and around the world - and how we can heal from it.
Please tell me about loneliness where you live.
There are many ways in which we can - and ought to - find balance. Today, I talk about the balance that mindfulness, kindness, and compassion promote: the balance between striving in the material experience and finding loving awareness in the spiritual experience.
If you'd like to chat about this, why not schedule a virtual cup of tea?
https://calendly.com/artburns/virtual-cup-of-tea
We're back with another episode of Casual Fridays, the podcast about bringing mindfulness into the workplace to improve productivity and well being so we can bring it home with us and change our lives.
Today, I offer one of my very favorite mindfulness practices that you can do at your desk before you dive into work each morning.
This episode is for the managers. If you'd like to understand how to specifically apply this to your role; or to learn about my new 12-Week program called The Mindful Manager, please schedule your FREE consultation here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Today I discuss a very special practice that will cultivate the skill of attention to what is happening here and now, where all our resources are available to us.
Today, a personal story to illustrate the skills involved with conflict resolution, and the magic that happens in the process.
This question came to me this morning: If I'm not a Guru, then what am I? And it seemed the only logical action was to work it out in a Showing Up to Life Episode!
Today's Casual Friday episode is all about self care when we don't have time or resources for manicures, massages, or nature walks. When we cultivate loving awareness of our moment by moment experience, self care takes on a whole new potential.
In today's episode we explore the meanings - and the common misunderstandings - of the terms 'Mind' and 'Brain' and also the concept of the the 'Mind-Body Connection.'
As always, if you would like a copy of the written instructions for the practice I discuss here - or if you have ANY questions at all - please email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
"I hold my theories on the tips of my fingers, so that the merest breath of fact will blow them away." Michael Faraday
If you would like a copy of the RAIN exercise I go over today, please comment below or send me an email.
art@artburnscoaching.com
"The most effective way to activate the circuitry of the brain associated with positive emotions is through generosity." - Richard Davidson
"If you knew, as I do, the power of giving, you would not let a single meal pass without sharing some of it." - The Buddha
Today's episode is all about the benefits of generosity. Both giving and the openness to receive.
Here is the link I refer to:
https://artburnscoaching.podia.com/6f0ae188-df4c-4b9d-8417-ab78d77b36e7
Often, when we set goals, we do so from a rigid state of clinging and attachment. And in this state of attachment, we might confuse the goals we set.
We might think 'I need to buy a big house by the time I'm 35' but what we really mean is 'I believe a big house will make me happy'
As we cultivate the skills of non-judging awareness, we can approach our goals - and our happiness - with more critical thinking that allows us a deeper and more accurate understanding.
We tend, I believe, to see ourselves and one another as having some uniform capacity for handling life's challenges, as we would believe that two VW Jettas coming off the assembly line are made of the same essential parts. We know there are Jettas of different colors, and that some have more features than others, but at the base, every Jetta is made exactly the same way.
Nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to humans and the apparatus with which we are born to handle stressors in life.
I talk about this - and how important and helpful it is to understand our own starting point; to understand our own capacity for managing stressors - in today's episode.Please let me know what you think!
As we live our lives, moment by moment, we experience every moment through the three realms of Our Body, Our Emotions, and Our Thoughts.
The thoughts can take many forms, but mostly the thoughts are part of a system we have for predicting what's going to happen to us and whether we should be worried or not.
In today's episode, I talk about where these stories come from and how we can change our relationship with them.
When people hear "Don't think of a hippopotamus" the first thing that pops into our minds is, in fact, a hippopotamus. Today I discuss why this happens and what we can do to notice the absence of difficult behavior in familiar circumstances. And I talk about why this is so important.
Mindfulness is about skillfulness that becomes natural and habitual through regular practice. And this episode describes what could be the most important skill there is.
If you enjoy this episode and find it helpful, please share it with a friend!
I know I've talked about this before, but the practice and skill of active listening are well worth saying again.
If you'd like a copy of the written instructions for this practice, please email me at
art@artburnscoaching.com
We're back with a new edition of the Casual Fridays podcast!
Today I talk about one of the most significant and powerful skills we can bring to the workplace: Empathy.(And I discuss how practicing empathy at work creates a positive feedback loop in every area of our lives!)
I hope you enjoy today's episode.
But the practice, as I discuss today, starts with awareness.
If you'd like to receive a copy of written instructions for the two practices I discussed today, shoot me an email:
art@artburnscoaching.com
Today I discuss a very effective thing you can do - starting right now - to help avoid burnout.
A follow-up to last week's episode, today I talk about the power of kindness on the level of the brain and nervous system.
To get a free copy of the practice I mentioned in today's episode, just send an email with "send the practice" in the subject line to art@artburnscoaching.com
In today's episode, I talk about how to develop a dis-identified relationship to your thoughts and emotions and how this objective view allows us to intuitively see the roots of our behavior.
Today we cover how the practices you do and the skillfulness you cultivate - for your own health and well-being - resonate with everyone else around you.
This makes your practice an act of generosity. And, as I explain in today's episode, this generosity is a powerful force for your well-being.
Welcome back to Casual Fridays, the podcast that brings mindfulness to the workplace!
Today I discuss the power of kindness and how we can develop the habit of non-judging awareness in our interpersonal interactions.
Next week I'll tell you some mind-blowing science behind kindness and its very close friend, compassion.
In today's episode of Mindfulness @ Work: Casual Fridays, I discuss the value of listening to understand.
If you would like a copy of the written instructions for the practice I describe here, please email me:
art@artburnscoaching.com
Today's episode is for everyone but is specifically speaking to the men and women who brave danger and exhaustion for our safety.
Anyone interested in the FREE workshop for First Responders, find info and register here:
https://artburnscoaching.podia.com/stress-rescue
Today's episode explores the connection between stress and connection, or lack thereof.
And we discuss how connection is not about 'a lot of friends' but is more about an openness to genuine connection.
Welcome back to Mindfulness @ Work: Casual Fridays!
Today's episode is about mindful communication and a special little practice I call the Empathy Sandwich.
Back today to take the concept of acceptance a little further by illustrating the way we return to acceptance over and over until we realize that everything we need for happiness is right here, right now.
I use this old Dead tune to help me make my point:
https://youtu.be/7kHnoBnsY40
I hope you enjoy the topic and the tune!
Today we go back to the basics and revisit one of the most foundational skills of mindfulness: The skill of Acceptance.
What we really mean when we say 'Monkey Mind' and why it is so important to understand.
The book I reference in today's video: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/14432719-the-magic-of-awareness
A bit about me and my journey from Madison Ave Ad Exec to Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Coach.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
Our attention is our greatest resource and most of the time we are gladly giving away the lion's share of it. Mindfulness practices develop the skill set that allows us to reclaim that power and to harness it for our own success, passion, and our ability to thrive in all areas of our lives.
Today we discuss the three foundational skills of mindfulness that we derive from daily practice. If you'd like to learn some of these practices, book your free session right here: https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Welcome to Mindfulness @ Work: Casual Fridays! This is a weekly episode where I share tips and techniques for bringing the skill of mindfulness, kindness, and compassion into your workplace to benefit everything from your profitability to your work-life balance.
In today's episode, I discuss the opportunity for us to access joy and well-being in every interpersonal interaction we ever have. Even when the interaction is a conflict.
Today I share a wonderful practice I've used for years. This is a practice that adds no extra time to your morning routine, yet powerfully sets the tone for well-being and productivity.
Here is the link to register for the FREE online workshop I mention in the beginning of today's episode:
https://artburnscoaching.podia.com/tame-your-stress
In today's episode, we go back to the very basic concept of judgment. I explain how it is judgment that sits at the very core of every experience of anxiety, stress, and negative emotions.
This morning, I was at a total loss. I was uncomfortable. The self-criticism and pessimism were barreling through my mind like a freight train. And I was weighed down with heavy, negative emotions. Thankfully, I was able to take refuge in my practice, and then Thich Nhat Hanh showed me why this was the only answer to my predicament.
Every Wednesday evening - at 7:00 pm Mountain Time - I host a wonderful meditation group. It's free and you should check it out with the link below. We close each meeting with a short reading from The Pocket Thich Nhat Hanh, and last night's reading - from page 111! - is so beautiful and important, I wanted to share it with you here. Hope you enjoy it!
To join our free group: https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
In today's episode, I discuss the importance of focusing on our own well-being in all of our relationships.
Next time, we'll discuss how this inner focus helps us to foster heathy boundaries, set and bolstered with Self-Compassion.
Today's episode is a follow-up to the last so I can mention one thing I forgot and also introduce another idea about the story in our minds and how it deepens the victim mentality. And the swimmer whose name I couldn't remember is Michael Phelps.
In today's episode, I discuss the connection between stress (Not only your own, but that of your parents and grandparents) and the victim mentality.
As social creatures - an aspect we share with all mammals on Earth - every micromoment is an opportunity to return to well being through relating to others. Any time, anywhere. Mindfulness practices develop the skills to do so.
In today's episode, I come back to the basics of stress and how it factors into the Body > Emotion > Thought cycle I talked about the other day.
Today's impromptu and totally unscripted episode was inspired by this fantastic new youtube channel I recently found:
https://youtu.be/vCkawZbba4Y
Today I talk about how mindfulness develops within us the skill of being aware of our moment-by-moment awareness and what that means for stress and happiness.
For many years I tried to learn to cook by finding amazing recipes and struggling to master them.
In the process, I experienced many smoke alarms and lots of rice stuck to the bottoms of many pots.
In today's episode, I talk about how it was during the pandemic, as I steamed broccoli, cooked rice, and scrambled eggs for my kids every day that I actually learned to cook the complex and exciting meals I now master with no smoke alarms.
Mindfulness practices are a lot like this, as well.
Have a listen and let me know what you think!
Here we are - back so soon with an impromptu episode!
Two reasons for this surprise recording:
First, my son provided me an excellent opportunity to practice mindful parenting yesterday and I thought someone might need to hear this story.
Second, I'm offering a 6-week course in mindful parenting that starts next week. If you're interested in learning more - including the ridiculously affordable tuition - click here or copy and paste into your browser:
https://artburnscoaching.podia.com/9ddcbf53-825f-40af-8b00-4c7b4973b885
Hope to see YOU there!
It feels so good to be back!!!
After nearly a year-long hiatus, we’re back with a new episode of the Showing Up to Life Podcast and YouTube Channel!
Today, I got us all caught up on what I’ve been up to and how I plan to get back into regular - if not daily - youtube and podcast episodes.
If you’re interested in joining the FREE meditation I mentioned - that happens every Wednesday at 7 pm MST - click here to register:https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
Please let me know if there is a specific subject you’d like me to cover in a future episode!
art@artburnscoaching.com
Wishing you well,
Art
It feels great to be back!
Before we get into the topic of the day, a couple of very important announcements:
First, I will be hosting a Trauma Workshop next Saturday, 5/28, at 11:30 am MST. Details to come!
Second, in the next couple of weeks, I’ll be launching a brand new podcast called Trauma Talks. We will talk about trauma, but we will also examine the ways in which trauma becomes our voice. I’m super excited about this and I’ll let you know as we get closer to the launch date.
Make sure you sign up for my mailing list to get the latest and greatest info on these new initiatives and anything else that comes from this mind of mine. You can sign up here:
https://artburnscoaching.activehosted.com/f/3
In today’s episode, I talk about a friend's conversation with someone who told her that everyone who practices meditation does so only to use the practice as a means of escape.
While it is true that many people do, in fact, use these practices in exactly this way, it is also true that people like Thich Nhat Hanh practice engaged Buddhism, achieving the exact opposite effect of escape.
And it is also true that people come to these practices to sell more stuff to people or to get more productivity from employees.
The point is that these practices are a set of tools that can be useful in all these endeavors.
But the practice is the same in every one.
So it really comes down to the intention one brings to these practices.
I go into great depth and detail in today’s episode, which you can watch here:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Can we talk about self-love?
To me, it seems the term self-love has become cliché from overuse. Like I’ll see something about self-love on a coffee cup at Target, kinda say ‘oh yeah, self-love’ and go about my business.
Does this happen with you, too?
I’ve come to realize that self-love is far more important than its tchotchke value.
As I discuss in today’s episode, self-love is the tool that allows us to make the connections in our lives that allow for our authenticity.
And this, my friend, is perhaps the most important thing we can do!
The trick is that in order for self-love to transcend the message on a coffee cup, it requires honesty.
And that honesty comes from forgiveness.
Please check out today’s episode to understand what I mean:
https://youtu.be/Dc8jMesWW2g
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
What a couple of weeks it’s been!
Since I last reached out, I drove to NY and back (over 3600 miles) within 4 days. It was grueling and at times even scary. But I made it.
One major development is my ability now to put to rest any notion of quitting everything to become a truck driver. That’s definitely not going to happen!
I’m sure you’re wondering what on Earth would make me do such a thing.
As I tell it in today’s episode, I traveled back to NY for my mother’s funeral.
Though she was sick, my mother’s passing was sudden and unexpected. And my first thought was ‘At last, she doesn’t need to be angry anymore.’
Then it occurred to me - more as a feeling than a thought - ‘She can’t hurt me anymore.’
This second statement says so much!
At 5’4”, my mother hasn’t been able to hurt me since I was 13 years old. Maybe even younger than that.
But in the 40 years since, I’ve felt gripped with the tension of a nervous system that was formed under abuse and threat and this has resulted in a fear and sympathetic nervous system response that’s impacted nearly every experience I’ve had.
This was illustrated in the way I experienced all my uncles and aunts at the funeral.
I was bracing for the usual judgment and ridicule I would get from them every time I’d see them. Of course, it stands to reason that they took special care to be gentle on this difficult day, but I experienced a lightness that continued on even as their words became slurred as the drinks flowed.
Anyway, here’s today’s episode. I hope you enjoy it.
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
“Whenever possible, be kind. It is always possible.” - Dalai Lama
This is a quote I’ve recited many times. And I have personally, with some surprise, come to believe it’s truth.
But what about someone with a history of trauma?
What about someone in an abusive relationship?
What about the victim of violence?
Are we to tell these people they should suck it up and be kind? No matter how hard that might be for them?
Well, if you work with me, you’ll never be pushed in that way.
However, it is also undeniable that kindness is beneficial to your health and well-being.
So how do we resolve the two?
In today’s episode, I offer two simple and easy practices that require no more than 7 minutes a day for the next two weeks.
I hope you’re able to try them!
https://youtu.be/lRPfIqkC74g
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
As I make videos about kindness, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and all the other soft skills, I sometimes get comments from people questioning my logic.
For most, the issue seems to revolve around the notion that the world is a hard and viciously competitive place, and practicing these skills will make you soft and leave you vulnerable to being trampled.
There is much evidence to the contrary!
In her wonderful book A Paradise Built in Hell, Rebecca Solnit tells story after story of people coming together in mutual aid in defiance of the government representatives who warn of looting and violence.
I’ve told you the story, in a previous video, of the Real-Life Lord of the Flies. You can read about it in this article.
And there are my own anecdotal experiences that have shown me more happiness and fulfillment the deeper I develop these soft skills.
But today I want to tell you about a study, done way back in 1988, that tested the impact of soft skills on the unlikeliest group of leaders.
In his study, Nice Guys Finish First: A SYMLOG Analysis of U.S. Naval Commands, leadership expert Wallace Bachman shows that the most effective Navy brass embody more of the soft skills people fear.
In today’s episode, I read the whole list. I think you’ll find it very interesting:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
I think I’m finally settling into what is the actual, natural, and authentic routine for this podcast and youtube channel.
But I also want to start delivering some more value to you in my emails, so you should start hearing more from me on the days I don’t do a podcast episode.
And this has everything to do with today’s episode.
Today I talk about authenticity as I share a story of a busy cafe in NYC and a guy who wore shorts, sneakers, and a wrinkly shirt and tie to be as accepted in a business meeting every bit as much as I would in my stuffy clothes.
It’s a bit of a ranging episode, covering a few other important aspects of authenticity and how self-compassion allows us to find our own authenticity.
I hope you enjoy it:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
I’m very grateful for the opportunity to record the rare Sunday episode! I feel like I saw a rare bird or something.
Yesterday, we covered the concept that Alan Watts spoke about in his quote: “Stop measuring your days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.”
Today, someone left a comment that she’d been ‘fighting’ with this all morning.
And that notion of fighting our internal conflicts inspired me to make this episode today.
In short, fighting, which demands there be a winner AND a loser, makes us operate from fear and causes stress, moves us further away from the present moment.
But it is also important to recognize that before anything can be changed, we must first bring awareness to the problem or issue.
And in many cases, it is the awareness alone that facilitates, or at least initiates, the change we seek.
I go into all this in great detail in today’s episode:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
In today’s episode, I talk about the concept of the conditioned, optimized, and prepared mind.
After all, the practices I talk about here all cultivate these qualities of the mind and nervous system.
The thing is, when we measure our success and failure by our productivity, we have to sacrifice presence to do so. (We sit and worry about a deadline or ruminate over a delay and this process moves us away from the present moment.)
When we prioritize presence, we create space for ideas to grow and we create a preparedness that positions us favorably for chance and opportunity.
Check out today's episode to hear one of my all-time favorite quotes!
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
The inspiration for today’s episode comes from hearing, a few times over the past couple of days, that we should love ourselves exactly as we are.
In the sense that we should never feel pressured to change our appearance or behavior to become more loveable, I totally agree with the idea…
But if you are someone, like me, who has experienced trauma in your life, you may feel something intrinsically unlovable about yourself.
The key is to first recognize that it is not your self - your essence - which seems unlovable.
What has always seemed unlovable about me is the way I get triggered and act out in rude and unkind ways in certain situations.
But that’s not me. That is what’s happened to me. There’s an important difference.
Seeing that difference opens us up to the middle ground between hating my ‘self’ and loving myself exactly as I am.
This middle ground, very different from self-love, is Self Compassion.
If you would like to hear me discuss this difference, along with an epic line I came up with, check out today’s episode:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Well, it’s been all week since I’ve recorded an episode, and wow, have I missed you!
I’m back today inspired by a short video I made for Tik Tok this morning about why - and how - to meditate in order to build the vital life skills meditation will develop.
In the episode today, I talk about three such vital skills:
The ability to focus our attention…
The ability to know when our attention has wandered…
The ability to be more aware of our surroundings and internal state.
With these three abilities, we can live a more grounded and connected life. This comes not only from the direct skills but also from the natural kindness and compassion that will arise from the integration meditation will promote.
It all starts with attention training. And one of the best methods to train attention is to do a little self-guided meditation every day.
Check out today’s episode to learn more:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
You can also find me on Instagram and TikTok
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Sorry for the poor audio in the first ¾ of today’s episode. We are experiencing technical difficulties.
Today I talk about our inner dialogue and how big a role it plays in every one of our experiences.
And then I talk about how it’s the awareness of the dialogue - as opposed to changing it - that is the important skill.
I hope you enjoy it!
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Welcome back to the two-segment format! Not sure if it’s here to stay, but it’s here today, so let’s enjoy it!
In the first segment, I tell a bit of a personal story about my own journey that ended up in the practices of mindfulness, compassion, self-compassion, and lovingkindness.
I share this story specifically to illustrate how wrong I was about one of the most important aspects of this work: that it’s never about eliminating things like stress, anger, and reactivity; it’s about changing our relationship to these aspects of ourselves so we can act in our own best interest in the face of them.
In the second segment, I share a few thoughts on one of the most powerful tools for showing up: Forgiveness.
Specifically, I discuss how forgiveness is not the weakness most take it to be.
Forgiveness is more like a bullet-proof vest.
Check out today’s episode to learn more:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Often when we start a new process - mindfulness, dieting, working out, kindness, etc - we come to the idea that because we’re starting this thing now, we haven’t done anything before.
For instance, we get the weird sense that when I start eating this new way, I’m starting a diet. But the truth is that I’ve had a diet all along. It was just an unhealthy diet.
But when I look at it as not something new, but instead something changed, it opens me to see the momentum I’ve built against what I’m working on, and in this realization, I find the self-compassion that could be the single most determining factor in the success of this endeavor.
OK, that was a loaded sentence! Good thing I cover it all in today’s video:
I hope you enjoyed today’s episode! As always, I want you to know about the resources I’ve made available for you:
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Most sociologists, anthropologists, and neuroscientists will shy away from the term Human Nature because it discounts the impact our personal experience has on our behavior.
While humans have shown clearly the capacity for acts of great violence, we see equal examples of acts of great altruism.
In today’s episode, I explore this issue and tie it into how we can practice kindness, forgiveness, and compassion.
I hope you enjoy it!
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to support my work, please consider becoming a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Before we go any further, please remember that I am not a licensed therapist and am not giving mental health advice in this or any of the episodes of the Showing up to Life Podcast and YouTube Channel.
Gosh, that is an uptight sentence! Sorry you had to read that!
But the sentence feels necessary and appropriate, as today’s episode is all about mental health as seen through the lens of Mindfulness, Compassion, and Self Compassion.
I hope this episode brings an understanding and a point of view that will help you navigate your own health conditions. (Please know that everyone has mental health and whatever that condition is for you, there is no shame.)
If you feel like you could benefit further from the work I talk about here; if you feel like some 1:1 support would help, please click this link and book your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out via email: art@artburnscoaching.com. (It sometimes takes a while, but I answer all emails! Please practice patience and forgiveness with me!)
While my hand is still a bit sore, I’m going to make this description brief!
Essentially, today I discuss how aversion leads to the present moment experience of tension and suffering whether it’s raining or not!
https://youtu.be/qTHdbQR8Su4
If you’d like to check out one of my Wednesday evening meditations, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/
And if you’d like to experience 1:1 coaching, you can claim your free sample session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you listen to me for even a few minutes, you’re likely to hear me use the word Skillfulness.
The practices that I talk about here are all about developing the skill of living well.
As Sharon Salzberg has said: “We don’t meditate to get better at meditation. We meditate to get better at life.”
When we live without skill, we naturally engage in judging.
When we encounter another person, this judging shows up as jealousy, resentment, and downward social comparison.
In today’s episode, I talk about what Buddhism calls The Four Heavenly Abodes (AKA Boundless States of Consciousness):
Love, Compassion, Equanimity, and Sympathetic Joy.
I cover the first two at the surface level and go deep on Equanimity and Sympathetic Joy.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
If you have any questions on any of this, please feel free to comment on the video or send me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com.
Or you can also meet with me live and in person. It’s a free meeting with absolutely no strings attached! To claim your free coaching session, please click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
So often you’ll hear me talk about aversion and clinging, two negative mental states from which only negative emotions will arise.
We tend to talk about aversion and clinging because we can readily see these mental states when we experience them.
But there is a third negative mental state that completes what the Buddhist tradition refers to as the three poisons.
And this first poison is the negative mental state that gives way to aversion and clinging.
I’m talking about the mental state of Delusion.
Simply, this concept of delusion is simply the act of seeing things inaccurately, which I explain in today’s episode is a habit we cultivate through years of unwitting practice.
One of the most common ways delusion shows up in our lives is in the expectations we carry into most of our experiences.
That’s what today’s episode is all about. And I hope you enjoy it!
If you have any questions on any of this, please feel free to comment on the video or send me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com.
Or you can also meet with me live and in person. It’s a free meeting with absolutely no strings attached! To claim your free coaching session, please click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In today’s episode, I talk about suffering.
I use the example of Animal Agriculture (AKA Factory Farming) as a starting point, but apply the same logic and concepts to all of the mass suffering we see on a daily basis.
Of course, this includes the suffering of everyone, everywhere.
This feels counterintuitive. How can noticing more suffering lead to less dysregulation??
Well, it’s all about context. And it’s all about seeing the systems of suffering, too.
I hope you enjoy the episode:
If you have any questions on any of this, please feel free to comment on the video or send me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com.
Or you can also meet with me live and in person. It’s a free meeting with absolutely no strings attached! To claim your free coaching session, please click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In today’s episode, I discuss my own history and relationship to anger and how I’ve changed over the years to break free from the grips of my own anger and reactivity.
I hope you enjoy it!
Just popping in for a late afternoon episode!
I was thinking of a conversation I recently had in which the question was raised: How do we help a child move away from negative self talk.
Check out today’s episode for my thoughts:
I believe one of the most dangerous ideas to our relationships is that a healthy relationship is one without conflict.
Not only is this an impossible ideal - all relationships experience conflict at some point - but it is also an unhealthy practice.
Check out today’s episode to learn more:
After about a week and a half of covid symptoms, I’m back!
To ease back into things, I share the details of my bout with covid, those of my family, and some of the reasons for the differences.
I am not giving medical advice! Simply sharing my own, subjective experience.
I missed you yesterday!!!
I woke up in a great mood, well-rested, and excited to make some content among the transformative meetings with my clients.
But right after I finished my morning routine of journaling, I was met with the news that would reshape the day.
And so I was provided an opportunity to practice surfing. But I was never able to see the rogue wave of my trauma response until it came crashing down on top of me.
Don’t worry! This will all make sense in today’s episode:
And tomorrow is Saturday, which means I’ll be hosting a Workshop. This one is all about forgiveness and it’s probably not what you think.
Please join me for this free workshop tomorrow!
For info and a link to register, click here:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/forgiveness
It’s great to be back here on my Monday morning!!!
As I mentioned in today’s episode, today is Wednesday and, like every Wednesday, I am hosting a free guided meditation and discussion. Here’s the link to register and join:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/282948069?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=upcomingEvent_savedevents_share_modal&utm_source=link
In the first segment of today’s episode, I talk about how we can see the effects of mindfulness in the metaphor of a snowglobe.
And in the second segment, I share some really important information on how to approach your daily practice with healthy flexibility.
I hope you enjoy it!
https://youtu.be/AvvvKDl89gg
Can I first just tell you how much I appreciate you? Really, I do. Knowing you and the hundreds of other people following my content and engaging in mindfulness and compassion is nothing short of inspiring. Thank you!
I guess it’s no mistake that today’s single-segment episode is all about connection.
I’ve covered this in various ways in the past, but it’s important to understand that connection to others isn’t just some kind of feel-good concept.
It’s not woo-woo or hippie-dippie, either. I mean, maybe it’s these things. But it’s also an understanding of Human neurobiology gained through decades of hard-nosed neuroscience research. (I once heard Richie Davidson use that phrase and I repeat it every chance I get!)
It turns out, connection to other humans is part of our biological drive as mammals.
Connection to others is, in no uncertain terms, a biological imperative. (S. Porges, Handbook to the Polyvagal Theory)
In today’s episode, I talk about how this vital connection to others is only possible when we are regulated. That is, we can only connect to others when we are in the Social Engagement mode of our autonomic nervous system.
One way to return to this self-regulation is through the practice of compassion and self-compassion.
I hope you enjoy today’s episode! There’s a link below to join my free workshop on Compassion and Self Compassion.
The Winter Workshop Series! This Saturday’s topic is Compassion and Self Compassion. And I am so excited!!!
Don’t worry if you’ve missed some or all of the previous sessions. Each one of these stands on its own and you’ll be right up to speed. No worries!
Here’s the link to register for this free event:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
Also, if you feel like you could use some more clarity about these topics or anything else I cover here; if you would like to explore the idea of getting coached in this work, please click this link to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
First of all, I wanted to remind you about the Winter Workshop Series! This Saturday’s topic is Compassion and Self Compassion. And I am so excited!!!
Don’t worry if you’ve missed some or all of the previous sessions. Each one of these stands on its own and you’ll be right up to speed. No worries!
Here’s the link to register for this free event:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
In today’s first segment, I talk about change.
Change is the only constant of the universe, yet most of us resist change in our lives.
As I talk about in the segment, when we resist change, we experience prolonged stress that is fueled by negative emotions and thoughts and ultimately wind up in anxiety or depression.
So the practice is not in addressing the emotions or even the stress. The practice is in accepting change.
In the second segment today, I talk about how science has shown us, unambiguously, that all Humans come into this world with an innate sense of goodness.
But growing up in this world there this innate goodness is undervalued, we lose touch with our inner goodness like we lose touch with a childhood friend.
I hope you enjoy the episode! Please let me know if you have any questions!
If you feel like you could use some more clarity about these topics or anything else I cover here; if you would like to explore the idea of getting coached in this work, please click this link to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We’re back with the two-segment format today!
In the first segment, I talk about a few videos over the past couple of weeks that have gone viral on Tik Tok after I almost pulled the plug on the whole thing.
This becomes an opportunity to sense into the resistance of doing something new - and to sense into the very feeling of the resistance we experience.
And it also becomes an opportunity to recognize the beginner's mind. That is, there are always vast portions of our experience that include what we don’t know we don’t know.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
Just want to remind you that tomorrow, Saturday, Feb 5, at 11:30 am MST (10:30 am PST, 12:30 CST, 1:30 pm EST) you can join my free workshop on Lovingkindness.
Lovingkindness is a tool we can use to connect or to set boundaries as our lives require. But most of all, the practice of Lovingkindness is a way for us to connect back to ourselves and access the awesome power of self-love and self-compassion.
Don’t believe me? Come to the workshop and let me change your mind.
Here’s a short video talking about the workshop:
And here’s a link to join. It’s free.
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/lovingkindness-412
Yesterday, I talked about the value of kindness in helping us maintain our balance and regulation so we can be available and show up to our moment-to-moment experience.
Another really powerful force we can all access that will provide the same regulation and presence is kinda where kindness and acceptance meet: Forgiveness.
When we forgive, we allow our bodies to become calm and free from the resentment that distracts us from the present moment experience.
In today’s video, I go into the science behind all of this and I even tell a story about a stress expert in Africa telling us about what happens when a cheetah chases a gazelle.
I hope you enjoy it!
Reminder: This Saturday, I’ll be covering the concepts and science behind Lovingkindness, and I hope to inspire you with the many real-life benefits available through these simple, yet powerful practices.
Of course, I’ll be going over the practices as well and providing you with take-home materials. (Even though you’ll already be home. It’s a zoom meeting.)
I hope you can join us!
Here is a link to a page with some more information and a link to join this free workshop:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/lovingkindness-412
When we experience some kind of conflict in our lives; when we experience disappointment, we have two choices.
We can allow ourselves, through clinging and aversion, to become dysregulated and act out in anger and resentment.
Forgetting the consequences of shame, guilt, and embarrassment for a moment, let’s look at what happens in this place of dysregulation.
In this dysregulation, you are blind and deaf to what is going on around you and when life reaches out to you in the form of a loved one, friend, or even some kind of opportunity, you are not there to meet it.
But what if we intentionally practice kindness in this moment, in spite of whatever level of disappointment or anger we might feel entitled to?
If we practice kindness in this circumstance, we make a connection to the person involved in the conflict.
In this connection, we make ourselves more healthy and increase our own well-being and become more open to connecting to the rest of what’s going on around us.
Which would you choose?
Watch today’s video for my take:
If you feel like you could use some more clarity about these topics or anything else I cover here; if you would like to explore the idea of getting coached in this work, please click this link to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you like today’s episode, you’re gonna love the workshop I’m hosting on Saturday!
The Weekend Workshop Series at 11:30 am MST on Saturday, Feb 5. These workshops have been amazing and I just know you will love this one.
To register, click this link:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
First of all, I want to remind you about this week’s edition of The Weekend Workshop Series at 11:30 am MST on Saturday, Feb 5. These workshops have been amazing and I just know you will love this one.
To register, click this link:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
This brings me to today’s topic: Lovingkindness. (This Saturday will be all about lovingkindness!)
Lovingkindness is the practice of infusing kindness into every aspect of our moment-to-moment experience.
And when we do this repeatedly as a practice, kindness becomes available to us in every circumstance and experience.
And, as I talk about in today’s video, it leads to an increased capacity for compassion for ourselves and others.
Here’s the video:
If you feel like you could use some more clarity about these topics or anything else I cover here; if you would like to explore the idea of getting coached in this work, please click this link to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
While I try to mention all these free resources in my videos, I think they sometimes get buried beneath the rest of the content. I guess that means the content is solid. Right?
Anyway, today I’m keeping it super simple just so you know exactly what, where, and when the three free resources are available to you.
First, we have the Winter Workshop Series, a weekly, 2-hour, interactive workshop on a different topic each week. To see all the upcoming topics and to register for this free event, click here:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
Next, on Wednesday evenings I host a free guided meditation and discussion of topics related to mindfulness and compassion. Click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsydcdbdb/
(This link will take you to the Feb 2 event. I can’t seem to share a link to join the group.)
And, finally, here is a third free resource: A 1:1 Coaching session all for you! I have created the space for you to schedule and experience the life-changing power of sitting down with a certified coach who can help you contextualize anything going on in your life through the lens of mindfulness and Self Compassion. If you’re ready, click here to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
“A person who is not at peace with themself will be at war with the rest of the world.”
This is scribbled in my notebook in what looks to be a very rushed fashion. So much so that I failed to write down who is quoted. So if you recognize this quote, and you know its source, please let me know so I can give proper credit!
In today’s first segment, I explore the concept of the above quote, which is also illustrated by this quote from an equally unknown author:
“We don’t experience the world as the world is, we experience the world the way we are.”
If we bring awareness to how at peace we are or are not in any given moment, we can see the root of the conflict and then walk into the world with the more comfortable and helpful posture of peace.
Speaking of awareness, in today’s second segment I talk about a factor in some areas of spiritual teaching which sacrifice awareness in the interest of regulation and personal comfort.
As I explain, our emotions, the physical sensations they cause, and the thoughts from which they arise are a response to our environment and circumstances.
And to avoid any of our emotions is to put a blindfold on as we live our lives in the present moment.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
I also want to remind you that this Saturday I will be hosting Week 3 of the Winter Workshop Series. Please understand that each week is completely stand-alone, so it’s alright if you’ve missed the first two.
This week we’re diving into the world of informal - AKA ‘Off The Cushion’ practices.
Honestly, of all the people I’ve helped to adopt mindfulness into their lives, the ones who seem to benefit most and most deeply are the ones who embrace the practice beyond the once-a-day meditation.
In fact, I can tell you that I’ve clients who never do any formal practices and yet have seen amazing changes take place in their lives from just applying the simple practices to the most mundane tasks of the day.
I’m going to be covering all that and much more this Saturday at 11:30 am MST.
I hope you can make it!
For more info and the registration link for this free workshop, please click here:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
We all know how good it feels to receive kindness.
Whether a simple compliment or acknowledgment, an act of assistance, or even a simple thank you; when someone does something kind for us or to us we feel it.
And it feels really good!
But what we don’t usually recognize is how beneficial it is to express kindness and to practice it towards others.
(Note: We should always be practicing kindness towards ourselves! And I’ll get into that in another episode. But what we’re talking about today is all about between ourselves and others.)
It turns out that kindness is at once an effect of an integrated brain and the cause of integration in the brain.
I go into this and review three super simple practices you can do today to develop this vital integration and enjoy the benefits of regulation, attention, and awareness that will follow.
Enjoy!
Well, here’s a rare sighting of Art Burns on a Sunday afternoon!
Turns out, I had two covid-caused cancellations today (I feel like that could be the name of a band!), and I could think of nothing more important to do with this newfound time than to record an episode for you!
In the first segment, I tell a personal story from 20+ years ago in which I was the unlikely recipient of kindness and how very good it felt.
At the end of that first segment, I offer you a gentle and compassionate challenge to practice kindness right now.
In the second segment, I relay a story I’d heard from Jack Kornfield during a course I took on Buddhist Psychology. Amazing course, amazing story.
I hope it moves you as it has always moved me.
Here’s the episode. I hope you enjoy it.
I want to make sure you know all about the AB Coaching Winter Workshop Series! I’ve gotten tons of positive feedback from people who’ve shown up to both sessions so far, which is super duper exciting!
This Saturday, 1/29, I’ll be talking about informal, ‘off the cushion’ meditation practices, which may well be the most important lesson I can teach anyone. So I hope you can make it. I do accept donations, but this is a free workshop.
Click here for info and to register:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
Finally, I want to remind you that weaving this work into our lives and undergoing the amazing transformation this work provides can be hard. Like really hard. Scary even! So if you feel like you could use some personalized support in your journey, you should know that it is available to you and just might be more affordable than you think. The first step is to schedule a free call with me. No strings attached, I promise!
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I wasn’t planning on recording an episode today.
As I explain, I awoke yesterday to the news that a dear friend had passed away overnight.
Loss comes in many shapes and sizes and we process each loss differently.
But when we process loss - that is, when we grieve - we often tend to try to get through it as quickly as possible.
Unpleasant feelings can be difficult. But avoiding the discomfort of grief is to miss a valuable opportunity, as I explain in today’s episode:
Week # 2 of the Art Burns Coaching Winter Workshop Series is all about formal meditation. I’ll cover the benefits of a daily practice, even if only a few minutes a day!
I’ll teach you how to get the most out of those few minutes a day and, most importantly of all, I’ll teach you every single thing you need to know to start a meditation practice as soon as Saturday afternoon!
Remember, while I do accept donations this workshop series is free and open to all!
(Don’t worry if you missed week 1! Each week is independent of the rest.)
Click here to register and get the link for Saturday’s meeting.
Art Burns Coaching FREE Winter Workshop Series Sign Up
In the first segment of today’s episode, I explain why I might look so tired.
But I also tell you how I’m bringing mindfulness into my tired-ness!
And in today’s second episode, I explain how I had to re-record the entire segment because it was nearly a word-for-word replica of a previous video.
I guess I’m THAT tired!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the episode!
Don’t forget! Tomorrow, at 11:30 am MST, I’ll be hosting the first of 12 Free Winter Workshops.
The topic for tomorrow is journaling. You can find all the information, register, and get the link for the meeting here:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/journaling-workshop
To find out about future topics, click here:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/art-burns-coaching-winter-workshop-series
And, as always, here is a link to claim your 45-minute coaching session with me. It’s already paid for, all you need to do is schedule it at a time convenient to you.
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
There are many ways in which Social Media reflects life, but perhaps none so much as it is for a content creator!
It seems like every day I see a video (or five!) where someone is saying that when they get so many likes or followers or views, they’ll do this or that thing to celebrate.
Of course, this reflects the way many people live (I know I lived this way for decades!), as we think all day about what’s going to happen in the future:
That future job…
The future family…
The future vacations (My favorite is thinking this while on an actual vacation!)
As I mention in today’s video, there is nothing wrong with planning for the future.
But when the future fills our present-moment awareness, as Alan Watts has said, we wind up thinking about our lives instead of living our lives.
I hope you enjoy today’s episode:
Also, here’s the link to register for the free journaling workshop happening this Saturday:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/journaling-workshop
And here’s a link to claim the coaching session I’ve already bought for you:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I am so excited about the first of 12 free workshops I’m hosting this Saturday!!!
This first session in the Art Burns Coaching Winter Workshop Series is all about Journaling.
There are many ways to do journaling and as many reasons. On Saturday, I’m going to cover many aspects of journaling and I’m so excited!
For information and to register, click here
In today’s first segment, I talk about how we can nourish our relationships with healthy ‘foods’ in the same way we can nourish our bodies.
And in the second segment, I talk about how we can shift our entire relationship to our lives in much the same way.
Enjoy!
https://youtu.be/ZDbpBDIICNY
If you’d like to learn more about my coaching services, what better way than to attend a coaching session?
Did you know that you have a free coaching session reserved for you? Just click here to schedule it:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Before I get into today’s content, I want to make sure you know about an exciting new offering I’m making, starting next week!
The Art Burns Coaching Winter Workshop Series is a 12 week series of interactive workshops designed to inspire, motivate, and teach vital practices that will help you Show Up To Life!
We kick off next Saturday, 1/15, at 11:30 am MST.
I’ll be sending out a link later today or tomorrow with all the information you need, but the first workshop is going to cover Journaling.
Of all the practices I’ve learned over the past ten years, Journaling is certainly among the most impactful in my moment-to-moment experience.
While there are countless ways to approach journaling and as many ways to benefit from the practice, I will cover about four different Journaling modalities and, as with each workshop, you will leave with actionable instructions!
So keep an eye out for a separate email later today or tomorrow.
In today’s first segment, I talk about how journaling can be used to manage rumination and, instead, plan mindfully and healthily.
Spoiler alert: Journaling is an invaluable tool in this process!
In the second segment, we talk about time stress and how this particular kind of stress can interrupt and interfere with our accurate estimating and perception of time.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
If you feel like you could use some more clarity about these topics or anything else I cover here; if you would like to explore the idea of getting coached in this work, please click this link to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
At least for today, we’re back to the two-segment format!
Yesterday, I talked about how we can see someone in dysregulation and recognize - and accept - that they are struggling with something and even if we don’t know what that something is, we can be compassionate and supportive. For the good of ourselves and the other person.
In today’s first segment, I flip the script and talk about how we can see our own dysregulation and hold it in soothing compassion.
While soothing ourselves is always important, even more importantly, we can use this moment of self-acceptance to find the root of our own dysregulation.
Hint: most of the time we don’t have to look very far!
Remember, if it’s hysterical, it’s historical!!!
In today’s second segment, I tell a personal story of a goofy little habit of mine.
In the past, I wouldn’t call it goofy at all! In the past, I would berate myself over it and take away my ability to show up and live my life.
In the segment today, I tell you a little trick I use to help me with this process.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
If you feel like you could use some more clarity about these topics or anything else I cover here; if you would like to explore the idea of getting coached in this work, please click this link to schedule your free session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
When we practice mindfulness and self compassion, we are able to look deeply into ourselves without judgment or shame.
And from this inquiry, we start to see what triggers our emotional response and why.
As we begin to connect these dots for ourselves, it gives way to the ability to see the source in others’ dysregulation.
And as we keep practicing, we find that we needn’t fully know what someone else is going through in order to give them space and, in turn, protect ourselves in the process.
Today’s episode is all about this:
First of all, thank you.
Over the past few months, I have been openly sharing the details of my own transformative journey and because you are there to listen, it has been a life-saving exercise.
So, thank you!
Secondly, Happy New Year!!!
In today’s episode, I explain a little workshop I’m hosting just for you, the wonderful members of the Showing Up To Life community! I hope you’re able to join me!
Anyway, here’s the episode. I hope you love it! (The link for the workshop is down the page a little ways…)
Here is the link for the workshop:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/new-years-day-workshop
And there is a Third thing I wanted to mention. You may have heard that Boulder County, Colorado - no more than 20 or so miles from where I’m sitting right now - has been devastated by a wildfire that continues to rage out of control, displacing hundreds of people and animals (farm animals and pets) and destroying homes.
So I’m putting this venmo link here with a plea for any donation, however small, you might be able to afford. 100% of the donations I receive will be passed along to the organizations providing relief.
Thank you.
https://account.venmo.com/u/art-burns
First of all, I want to invite you to join me on Saturday, 1/1/22 (cool date!), to ring in the new year with mindfulness!
I’ll be sending out a formal invitation tonight or tomorrow, but this special session will include a guided meditation, lecture, some specific exercises around setting - and keeping! - New Years Resolutions.
In today’s episode, I also examine the important distinction between attention and awareness and how we can practice mindfulness while playing video games:
First of all, I want to thank you.
Thank you for all your support and thank you for being there to hear me nearly every day.
Now I want to wish you Happy and Mindful Holidays!
In today’s episode, I talk about what it means to have a Happy Mindful Holiday:
It really doesn’t surprise me that I’m inspired to do another episode the day after I said - yet again! - that I would likely be pulling back on the frequency of the episodes, for now.
It doesn’t surprise me because it’s what pretty much always happens when we accept what is happening in the present moment.
When we let go and accept, we free ourselves to tap into the wonderful creativity that exists within each of us.
And that’s what today’s episode is all about!
Through the inner child work I’ve done over the past several years; through the mindfulness and self-compassion I’ve developed through daily practice, I’ve come to understand that the aversion I’ve felt my whole life was often confused and conflated with the grief I felt for the 5-year-old me who suffered the wounds that would be with me my whole life.
But, you see, aversion to the present moment experience can be permanent, but grief is always temporary.
It’s through the skill of acceptance that we come to the ability to discern between the two.
And, like me, you can do all of this without therapy by just engaging and committing to daily mindfulness and compassion practices.
Please note: While you can do it without therapy, by no means am I suggesting you should do it without therapy if that is an option for you. If you’d like to discuss this, schedule a free call below.
Here’s the full episode:
I’m also trying to recommit to near-daily short-form content, so make sure you’re following me on one of these social media platforms so you can check it out:
Art Burns Coaching on Tik Tok
Art Burns Coaching on Linked In
Art Burns Coaching on Instagram
And, as always, if you’d like to get in touch directly and talk about how mindfulness and compassion coaching can be applied to your life, you can book a free session with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Recording today’s episode was the kind of awkward I’ve often felt when thinking of calling a friend I’ve neglected for a long time.
I hope you can forgive my absence!
But as I mentioned in today’s episode, I’m in this position of tension between my obligation to you and the fact that this thing is changing.
So for now, I’m thinking I will just make the next few episodes of the podcast about the change itself.
And I started that process today with an episode all about change and impermanence.
I hope you enjoy it!!!
I’m also trying to recommit to my short-form content, so make sure you’re following me on one of these social media platforms so you can check it out:
Art Burns Coaching on Tik Tok
Art Burns Coaching on Linked In
Art Burns Coaching on Instagram
And, as always, if you’d like to get in touch directly and talk about how mindfulness and compassion coaching can be applied to your life, you can book a free session with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As the early comments roll in, it seems that most folks are happy with a once-a-week podcast/youtube channel.
I think whichever way it goes, it will take on a creative, hybrid appearance of some kind. It likely won’t be an all-or-nothing kind of solution.
So what’s your vote?
In today’s episode, I share some further feelings on the past couple of weeks and I share my gratitude for the support I’ve already received from some of you amazing Human Beings!
I also talk about the importance of forgiveness to allow us to meet life as it arises and to become buoyant in the flow of life.
I hope you enjoy today’s episode!
https://youtu.be/hJ5GzYSlCgM
Also, just want to make sure you see this: We are just about wrapping up the first run of the mindfulness and self-compassion course and it’s been amazing! I’m planning to start the next cohort in the first week of January, if not the week before. Just a heads up. Let me know if you’d like to register. Early bird pricing applies.
First of all, I want to apologize for my absence! Please know that it takes a lot to keep me from doing these recordings and writing these emails every day.
Takes a lot, indeed.
So please understand that my absence was necessary and my hope is that the process I endured during this time will inform and inspire future episodes.
You can learn more about what I’m saying by watching or listening to today’s episode:
In case you’re unable to watch or listen today, I want you to know that you’ve helped me through this process.
Whether you are one of the people who reached out to check in on me, or you are just one of the people I know are out there listening and watching and learning and healing, you helped me.
And I thank you for that!
Well, today has been an opportunity to practice what I preach!
I’ve had to practice acceptance, patience, compassion, and forgiveness… all in one episode!!!
I hope you enjoy all of it!!!
NEW COURSE ALERT!!!
I’m so excited!!!
Over 8 Weeks, I’ll guide a group through lessons and practices to help us all see the news, current events, and social media that works to keep us anxious, depressed, and/or stressed all the time these days.
We’ll work on experiencing all these issues - over which we have little-to-no control - with the balance, grounding, and calm of mindfulness, allowing us to discuss it all without reactivity, even with people in our lives with polarizing views to ours.
And we’re kicking it off the weekend before Thanksgiving, giving you a chance to manage all those difficult conversations, no matter what your world view.
(I will not be promoting any specific politics or morals in this course. It is about understanding what’s going on without judgment so we can coexist with those with whom we disagree.)
Check out this page for more information and to claim your spot:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/mindfulness-for-a-messy-world
Questions? Email me at art@artburnscoaching.com or book a free phone consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We can cover your questions about the program and also whatever else is on your mind.
If you saw/heard yesterday’s second segment, you witnessed the Showing up to Life version of the singer who shouts: “We Love you, Cleveland!” from a stage in Milwaukee.
Well, today I got to tell you the story I thought I was telling you yesterday.
It’s a story about how a single mistake can have a rippling effect of consequences that are only seen over the course of time.
The trouble is that I - and probably a lot of other people! - tend to react to each one of these consequences as though it were a new event of some kind.
But all these consequences arose from a single mistake. So is it fair or productive to cast blame every time we notice one of these consequences?
I use the second segment of today’s episode to talk, generally, about Men’s Mental Health.
Specifically, I discuss how difficult it is for men to discuss, much less understand and heal from, their mental health challenges.
And I end the episode with a little invitation/challenge to reach out to the men in your life with more specific questions that might help start the vital communication that is missing for most men.
I hope you enjoy today’s episode.
https://youtu.be/PTDb_SXTil8
NEW COURSE ALERT!!!
I’m so excited!!!
Over 8 Weeks, I’ll guide a group through lessons and practices to help us all see the news, current events, and social media that works to keep us anxious, depressed, and/or stressed all the time these days.
We’ll work on experiencing all these issues - over which we have little-to-no control - with the balance, grounding, and calm of mindfulness, allowing us to discuss it all without reactivity, even with people in our lives with polarizing views to ours.
And we’re kicking it off the weekend before Thanksgiving, giving you a chance to manage all those difficult conversations, no matter what your world view.
(I will not be promoting any specific politics or morals in this course. It is about understanding what’s going on without judgment so we can coexist with those with whom we disagree.)
Check out this page for more information and to claim your spot:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/mindfulness-for-a-messy-world
Questions? Email me at art@artburnscoaching.com or book a free phone consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We can cover your questions about the program and also whatever else is on your mind.
In today’s first segment, I discuss an idea that came to me in a deep meditation of open awareness.
The thought, and the concept I discuss here, can be summed up in the statement: We are the entertainment. Our consciousness is the show.
I’d love to know your opinion on this segment, so please send me an email!
Today’s second segment belongs on a blooper reel!
I totally goofed halfway through a story and it’s kinda funny so I’m keeping it in the episode.
But before the goof, I talk about Men’s Mental Health Awareness and include a very important announcement.
NEW COURSE ALERT!!!
I’m working on the information page this afternoon and hope to have it published before tomorrow, but I want to let you know about this new course I’ll be offering.
I’m so excited!!!
Over 8 Weeks, I’ll guide a group through lessons and practices to help us all see the news, current events, and social media that works to keep us anxious, depressed, and/or stressed all the time these days.
We’ll work on experiencing all these issues - over which we have little-to-no control - with the balance, grounding, and calm of mindfulness, allowing us to discuss it all without reactivity, even with people in our lives with polarizing views to ours.
And we’re kicking it off the weekend before Thanksgiving, giving you a chance to manage all those difficult conversations, no matter what your world view.
(I will not be promoting any specific politics or morals in this course. It is about understanding what’s going on without judgment so we can coexist with those with whom we disagree.)
The details:
8 Week Course, starting Saturday, 11/20.
Group meets every Saturday, via Zoom, at 6 pm EST (5 CST, 4 MST, 3 PST)
Cost: $88
Questions? Email me at art@artburnscoaching.com or book a free phone consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We can cover your questions about the program and also whatever else is on your mind.
In today’s first segment, I talk about the importance of meeting life’s struggles without shame.
When we find ourselves struggling with any of life’s challenges, it is normal and natural to feel a measure of shame at what we may perceive as a failure or shortcoming of some kind.
But when we allow the shame to engage us it can disguise the true nature of the suffering: it’s almost always not what’s wrong with you; it’s almost always what’s happened to you.
In the second segment, I use a personal story to illustrate how our struggles are often lessons in disguise.
And with a little practice, we can learn to experience struggle and difficulties in our lives with the open and curious energy of mindfulness.
It is in this space where healing and learning can occur.
https://youtu.be/53f7nEZS5Bc
NEW COURSE ALERT!!!
I’m working on the information page this afternoon and hope to have it published before tomorrow, but I want to let you know about this new course I’ll be offering.
I’m so excited!!!
Over 8 Weeks, I’ll guide a group through lessons and practices to help us all see the news, current events, and social media that works to keep us anxious, depressed, and/or stressed all the time these days.
We’ll work on experiencing all these issues - over which we have little-to-no control - with the balance, grounding, and calm of mindfulness, allowing us to discuss it all without reactivity, even with people in our lives with polarizing views to ours.
And we’re kicking it off the weekend before Thanksgiving, giving you a chance to manage all those difficult conversations, no matter what your world view.
(I will not be promoting any specific politics or morals in this course. It is about understanding what’s going on without judgment so we can coexist with those with whom we disagree.)
The details:
8 Week Course, starting Saturday, 11/20.
Group meets every Saturday, via Zoom, at 6 pm EST (5 CST, 4 MST, 3 PST)
Cost: $88
Questions? Email me at art@artburnscoaching.com or book a free phone consultation with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We can cover your questions about the program and also whatever else is on your mind.
After a couple of days off to recuperate from what turned out to be a purely imagined illness - but felt quite real at the time! - I’m back with a new episode and an important announcement.
First, the announcement:
Starting Saturday, 11/20, I will be offering a new 8-week course that will focus on the skills and understanding necessary to make sense of, and handle the overwhelm of the world in which we’re living.
Turning on the news, social media, or even a lot of the content we’d call ‘entertainment’, is often a difficult and even traumatizing experience that makes us want to run and hide to escape the difficult feelings.
But running from these things never really works and in the end, the overwhelming emotions are made even stronger the harder we try to escape them.
The answer, therefore, is to learn to sit with all the information and energy without becoming overwhelmed.
For this, we can use mindfulness and compassion practices.
And this is precisely what we’ll be doing over this 8-week course.
I’ll have a page set up in the next day or two with more information, but if you have any questions or would like to take advantage of the early-bird pricing between now and Monday, please send me an email: art@artburnscoaching.com
In today’s episode, I talk about one of these skills.
In our lives, at any given moment, we’re going to be predominantly (or fully!) in the mode of construction - we’re figuring things out - or conduition, where we are grounded into our present moment experience.
It’s not accurate to say that one mode is preferable over the other, even though our brains will always tend towards construction mode.
As I explain in today’s episode, the key is to be aware of which mode you’re in at any given moment, decide whether this is appropriate to the current experience, and adjust as necessary.
This is what I describe as a moment-to-moment course correction, and it becomes available to you through super simple practices as I describe in today’s episode.
I hope you enjoy it!
Owing to a decision I made last night and inspired by a conversation about decision-making with an amazing client this morning, I thought we could make this whole episode about decisions.
I hope you enjoy the audio/video, but here is the practice I suggest during the episode:
- Set the intention to make a few low-stakes decisions each day entirely from your intuition.
- This means just going with your first, intuitive choice.
- But it must be a low-stakes decision: something along the lines of deciding pizza over sushi for dinner; deciding to take route A to work over route B… The idea here is to NOT make a big-life kind of decision as part of this practice. Please contact me if this is unclear.
- If/When second thoughts come to mind:
- Recognize that it’s hard to be in a state of indecision
- Remind yourself that you’ve been practicing indecision, perhaps for years
- Check in with your body, emotions, and thoughts as you feel the indecision and second thoughts… be curious and learn from these feelings
- Accept the decision you made and do not change your mind (you can have sushi next week… practice being with the discomfort of a poor decision
As always, there is a link below you can use to schedule a free coaching session if you’d like to do more work around this.
For any simple questions, feel free to email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
If you’d like to discuss this further, there is an amazing opportunity before you.
By clicking the link below, you are claiming the opportunity to learn one or two of the vital practices I discuss in my videos.
And you are also claiming the opportunity to know whether a coaching relationship might be right for you.
Best of all, this session is presented free of charge to you. So you really have nothing to lose.
Click here to change your life with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I hope you are meeting this moment with kindness, acceptance, curiosity, and compassion. And I want you to know that at any moment you have the opportunity to do so.
In today’s first segment, I talk more about the two biological imperatives of Attachment and Authenticity.
Specifically, I discuss how these two drives can come into conflict when we enter romantic relationships.
As happens with children sometimes, we sacrifice the authenticity for the connection we need so desperately.
When this happens, as Dan Siegel says, our relationship becomes more like a smoothie rather than the more healthy and integrated fruit salad it could be.
In the second segment, I talk about how this all applies to stress.
Particularly, I discuss the vagus nerve and Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal theory.
It turns out that in order to achieve the connection and authenticity we really need throughout our lives, we must first bring our nervous system to what Dr Porges calls the Social Engagement mode of our nervous system.
Fortunately, mindfulness and compassion will promote parasympathetic nervous system activation while also increasing your vagal tone and making the process more optimized and efficient!
Enjoy!
If you’d like to discuss this further, there is an amazing opportunity before you.
By clicking the link below, you are claiming the opportunity to learn one or two of the vital practices I discuss in my videos.
And you are also claiming the opportunity to know whether a coaching relationship might be right for you.
Best of all, this session is presented free of charge to you. So you really have nothing to lose.
Click here to change your life with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Well, it was unintended, but we’re starting off the week with an old-school single segment episode! Woo-Hoo!
I grew up in a very hostile and confrontational environment, both in my home and in the New York City surroundings outside my home.
When I was about 25 years old, I was even the victim of a horrific violent crime.
So I understand, perhaps more than most people, the potential for violence in the world.
But I also understand a few other things about violence in the world.
I understand that, despite my own direct experience and what I see in movies and in the news, that the world is essentially peaceful and cooperative.
I know also that what we practice is what we become and that, while gaining physical abilities of defense, we stand the risk of creating a tendency towards violence.
And I understand that while there is plenty of violence in the long history of human evolution, our true strength and survival were never based on brute strength, but rather on our abilities of cooperation and cunning.
In today’s episode, I talk about all this and more and I would love to hear your thoughts:
And if anyone wants to learn Tai Chi with me, please let me know!
If you’d like to discuss this further, there is an amazing opportunity before you.
By clicking the link below, you are claiming the opportunity to learn one or two of the vital practices I discuss in my videos.
And you are also claiming the opportunity to know whether a coaching relationship might be right for you.
Best of all, this session is presented free of charge to you. So you really have nothing to lose.
Click here to change your life with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Well, it’s another late one! But I hope the video is so good it’s worth the wait!
In today’s first segment, I talk a bit about an opportunity to talk about my trauma with the closest person I have in my life… and how amazing it felt to do so!
Talking about trauma is super difficult in that it feels like the most dangerously vulnerable thing you can do.
And the fear that the person won’t honor that difficulty is crippling.
This is the reason why it’s always best to consult a trained professional, but we also know that this is not possible for everyone. So if you feel like you have no one to talk to about your trauma, please know that you have a trusted friend in me.
It doesn’t matter at all if we’ve never met. We share this human experience and I would be happy to listen to you. (Just use the calendly link below to get yourself on my calendar)
In the second segment today I talk about the absurdity of concepts like failure and perfectionism.
Absurd because these two concepts denote an end to something. But in this universe, nothing is ever static or stationary; everything is in constant change.
And if everything is in constant change, how can anything ever be ‘done’?
I hope you enjoy today’s episode!
If you’d like to discuss these topics further - or if you would like to learn about specific practices that will help you achieve the results I talk about here - I encourage you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right! You have a free session with your name on it. All you need to do to claim it is to click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
After a few necessary days of recuperation, I’m really excited to be back!
And in the first segment today, I discuss not only what kept me away these past couple of days, but also how we can work through discomfort by allowing discomfort to exist without clinging or aversion.
This, of course, is counterintuitive in our society that teaches us to reach for the Advil at the first sign of discomfort! Am I right?
In the second segment, I use these premises as a jumping-off point to see that often the advice we might receive from traditional and even some modern teachers doesn’t really fit the reality of living in 2021 Western Society.
For instance, when a teacher (ie: content creator on social media) tells us to spend 2 hours meditating or doing yoga every day, it is ultimately sound advice.
But how does that advice feel to the working Mom who barely has five minutes to herself all week?
It might feel like shame or inadequacy.
And neither of those are fair or reasonable!
In the segment, I tackle this head-on, as it is at the very core of the work I do.
I hope you enjoy the episode!!!
If you’d like to discuss these topics further - or if you would like to learn about specific practices that will help you achieve the results I talk about here - I encourage you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right! You have a free session with your name on it. All you need to do to claim it is to click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In today’s first segment, I read you a story from one of my all-time favorite books: The Tao of Pooh.
This book, and the wonderful lesson I share with you today, was given to me by the best friend I had in December 1988, as I headed out from college to get back to New York City.
The lesson, which I had to learn over and over again, is that it is only when we accept ourselves, completely, for exactly who we are that any significant growth becomes possible.
You are already all this world needs you to be.
In the second segment, I talk about the scientific basis for the importance of authenticity; and the science behind the reason many of us lose our authenticity.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
If you’d like to discuss these topics further - or if you would like to learn about specific practices that will help you achieve the results I talk about here - I encourage you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right! You have a free session with your name on it. All you need to do to claim it is to click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We’re filing today’s post under ‘Better late than never” (I have never before recorded and posted an episode this late in the day!
In the first segment this evening, I illustrate the similarity between Self Compassion and the instructions we get on an airplane to put our own oxygen mask on before trying to help the person next to us.
When we practice Self Compassion, we give ourselves the precious and vital energy and strength to show up and be of service to the people and circumstances of our lives.
Like on the airplane, Self Compassion is a self-LESS act; it is not a selfish act.
In the second segment today, I relay a story I’d heard a long time ago about a philosophy lesson taught through an empty mayonnaise jar and a bucket full of golf balls.
It turns out to be one of the most important lessons of them all!
Hope you enjoy the episode and I’ll see you in a few days.
If you’d like to discuss these topics further - or if you would like to learn about specific practices that will help you achieve the results I talk about here - I encourage you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right! You have a free session with your name on it. All you need to do to claim it is to click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In today’s first segment, I issue a very appropriate correction to something I said in a recent video.
A YouTube subscriber pointed out that my saying that my parents were not ‘outwardly racist’ in the jokes they tell was irrelevant, as the outward nature of the joke itself is what matters infinitely more than the intention.
And in the second segment, I talk about a person on TikTok who took issue with a recent video I’d made on self-compassion. The issue he had was that he equated my encouragement of self-compassion as encouragement of pride.
I share these stories today as a means of illustrating empathy, kindness, and compassion:
In today’s first segment, after covering a few small, yet vital points, I reexamine a term coined long ago by a dear friend and mentor of mine.
“If it’s Hysterical, it’s Historical”
What this basically means is that when we find ourselves becoming very agitated and dysregulated, nearly 100% of the time it has nothing to do with our here and now experience but instead is rooted in an experience of our past.
In the video, I talk about how this can serve as a signal for us to examine the hysteria in the effort of gaining the proper perspective that will allow us to regulate ourselves and learn about the source of the trigger.
In the second segment today, I talk about how hard it is to do the above inquiry.
Hard, that is, until we perform what Dr. Gabor Maté calls ‘Compassionate Inquiry,’ Also Known As Self-Compassion.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
If you’d like to discuss these topics further - or if you would like to learn about specific practices that will help you achieve the results I talk about here - I encourage you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right! You have a free session with your name on it. All you need to do to claim it is to click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
It’s not often that I have to issue a Trigger Warning in my daily videos, but I believe such a warning is appropriate today, as I discuss implicit racial bias in this first segment.
In the end, this first segment is about transforming the implicit racial bias into empathy and compassion, which I do through a personal story of a walk with my 10-year-old son.
In today’s second segment, I take this concept further and talk about how the awareness of our feelings, thoughts, and actions provide opportunities for us to heal and grow through our moment-by-moment experiences.
I hope you enjoy!
If you’d like to discuss these topics further - or if you would like to learn about specific practices that will help you achieve the results I talk about here - I encourage you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right! You have a free session with your name on it. All you need to do to claim it is to click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Today, we’re goin Old School with the single-segment-format!
But don’t worry! There’s plenty of content here!
Today I tell the story about a cortisol flooded afternoon with my kids yesterday and how I navigated the whole catastrophe with mindfulness, self-compassion, and kindness.
I hope you enjoy the story!
Well, well, well… 600 episodes!?!?!? I am so grateful for you. Without you, this day would never have happened!! Thank you!!!
In today’s first segment, I quote our old friend, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who said that life is the curriculum.
As I mention in the segment, I think this is abundantly accurate in a couple of ways:
First, like a school curriculum, it is not the teacher, but more so a vehicle by which we can apply the learning the teacher has provided. The teacher, in my opinion, is the practice itself.
But the quote is also accurate and appropriate in that life, for all its immensity, is actually quite simple when viewed moment-by-moment.
And seeing the potential curriculum as simple and small will get you to look for those simple and small opportunities to embody the learning of Mindfulness and Compassion practices.
In the second segment, I talk about how our childhood - especially if any trauma was included! - shapes our worldview.
The importance of this understanding is that when we see that we’re programmed for the behavior that may be hindering our happiness, it allows us to engage in perhaps the most powerful and healthy action available to us: Non-Identification.
I hope you enjoy the episode! Please reach out if you have any questions!!!
These are both concepts I’ll be covering in the 8 lectures of my upcoming Self Compassion program.
Registration for my upcoming 8-week course on Mindfulness and Self Compassion is open!
Classes start next Saturday and I really want you to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
So click this link to register:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/self-compassion
In today’s first segment, I talk about our moods.
In any given moment, we are experiencing a mood that is simply a concoction of our physical, mental, and emotional state, garnished by our worldview and programming.
When we can recognize and hold this concoction in our non-judging awareness, it allows us some compassion and forgiveness and ultimately results in healthy dis-identification.
But here’s the thing: every person you experience at any given moment is also operating from this concoction of their own.
This understanding is the basis for compassion for those around you. (Can you see how that compassion for others arises from the compassion for yourself in this context?)
In the second segment, I talk about the vital importance of intuition.
Sadly, most of us, through trauma, stress, or both, have lost the connection to our intuition.
It’s for this reason that so many of us struggle with decisions and with accepting reality.
In this segment, I explain how it is self-compassion that can allow us to reconnect to our essence and our intuition, rendering all those issues far less difficult.
I hope you enjoy!
These are both concepts I’ll be covering in the 8 lectures of my upcoming Self Compassion program.
Registration for my upcoming 8-week course on Mindfulness and Self Compassion is open!
Classes start next Saturday and I really want you to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
So click this link to register:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/self-compassion
In today’s first segment, I talk about simplicity and the beauty and benefit included.
To illustrate what I mean, I talk about the simplicity of Rock n Roll. And let’s face it, any time John Prine and Jerry Garcia are mentioned in the same context, it’s worth a listen!
In the second segment, I talk about the importance of self-compassion and kindness so that we can be available to give these out to the people in our lives.
I hope you enjoy it!
Registration for my upcoming 8-week course on Mindfulness and Self Compassion is open!
Classes start next Saturday and I really want you to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity.
So click this link to register:
artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/self-compassion
Here we are! The moment we’ve all been waiting for!!!!
Well, maybe that’s overstating it a bit, but I am so excited to make this announcement!!!
And, please know that you are the first to hear about it.
I’m telling you, who has been with me and all my content for so long, so you will have the first shot to join this new program I’m offering.
It’s an 8-Week online course on Mindfulness and Self Compassion that starts next Saturday, October 16th. All the details are on this page here:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/self-compassion
In today’s second segment, I share a personal story of the most beautiful experience I’ve had in perhaps my whole life.
I hope you enjoy it!
I am so excited to formally announce my 8 Week Self-Compassion course tomorrow!
For that reason, I wanted to get to some of the basics of mindfulness before we jump into a sea of self-compassion content for the next week as the program approaches.
In the first segment today, I talk about how mindfulness allows for a sort of third-person detachment that enables us to observe and note our experiences instead of being entangled in them.
And this leads into the second segment today where I talk about how mindfulness cultivates the vital life skill of critical thinking.
I hope you enjoy the episode today!!!
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
Today’s first segment begins with a trigger warning, as I discuss some details of my own childhood trauma and the cognitive dissonance it caused.
And I talk about how this cognitive dissonance created the most difficult and damaging choice I’ve ever had to make!
In the second segment, I talk about anger.
Specifically, I talk about how anger is a very beneficial emotion for us if we use it right.
Self Compassion and Mindfulness give way to the awareness that allows us to do just that.
I hope you enjoy the episode!!!
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
In today’s first segment, I talk about the concept of Lovingkindness and how it benefits us and everyone around us.
Of course, Lovingkindness can be developed through practice and I talk about how that happens as well.
In the second segment, I talk about how life is not an all-or-nothing game and how, with mindful awareness, we can always find a way to accomplish our goal while also being kind.
I hope you like it and I welcome any questions or feedback you might have!
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
We’re going old school today with the one-segment format!
But worry not, I managed to deliver the full 30 minutes and then some!!!
In today’s episode, I discuss a rite of passage I’ve just completed and I share the most valuable and important lesson I learned through the process: That this world is perfect and so are you:
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
In today’s first segment, I talk about something called the Attachment system we’re born with as humans and is a system that allows us to develop in the safety of a secure attachment to a caregiver.
In cases of childhood abuse, this vital system can be rendered inoperable, leaving the survivors of childhood abuse feeling alone to fend for themselves.
While this is tragic in and of itself, it becomes prominent again in adolescence and adulthood, as the survivor of abuse finds it difficult - often impossible - to form the genuine connections necessary for growth and well-being.
In this segment, I deliver the good news that practicing Self Compassion can go a long way toward compensating for this missing attachment system.
By the way, did you hear that I’m launching an 8-week Self Compassion Program in the next couple of weeks? More details to come!
In the second segment today, I continue on the topic of Self Compassion; this time discussing how practicing Self Compassion - especially in the form of a caring touch for ourselves - can trigger the release of Oxytocin, lowering anxiety and stress and allowing us to feel good.
I hope you enjoy the episode!
https://youtu.be/wHktW3Wpj-M
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
In today’s first segment, I talk about how we instinctively know that when someone is struggling it is not the time to bury them beneath a mountain of criticism.
Yet when we ourselves are struggling, criticism - the harsher the better! - is our go-to.
And in the second segment today, I offer some reasoning for why compassion is so vital to our well-being as mammals on this planet.
Also, in both segments, I talk about the 8-week Self-Compassion program I’ll be launching very soon. More on that to come!
Enjoy the episode!!!
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
In the first segment today, I talk about how life can present us with all kinds of challenges, big and small.
But when we move through it all with mindful, non-judging awareness, we can remain regulated and optimized for life through even the most difficult challenges.
In today’s second episode, I talk about a life lesson I’d just learned.
And I also give you a wonderful little practice that will help you develop intentionality and kindness in your life, making way for Heartfulness.
In both segments, I mention a new program that’s coming up on Self-Compassion. Please let me know if you have any questions!
Enjoy!
https://youtu.be/Nvd0XpbDTao
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
Over the years that I’ve been fortunate to coach people in mindfulness and compassion and watch their lives change, one curious misconception has come up many times.
The idea that in order to be mindful, we must move slowly (and therefore will be less productive in our lives), is purely false and nothing could be further from the truth.
In the first segment of today’s episode, I talk about this misconception and how to hurry mindfully whenever you need to.
In the second segment, I give you a hilariously frustrating example of how the confirmation bias shows up in our moment-to-moment experience.
I also discuss some of the other implicit biases we all have and how to work with those too.
Enjoy!
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
In today’s first segment, I talk about the storytelling mind.
Simply put, this describes the way our minds will create narratives to explain that which we do not understand.
Through practice, we can become more comfortable with not knowing and render this storytelling mind powerless over our moment-to-moment experience.
In the second segment today, I talk about the way practice leads to the awareness of when we might be operating from our trauma strategy as opposed to operating from our true, authentic, essence.
I hope you enjoy!
If you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
Today, we’re going back to the basics!
In today’s first segment, I review some of the amazing benefits derived from the simple, sustained practice of mindfulness.
As a super special treat, I share part of a lesson from a course I’m taking in Interpersonal Neurobiology with Dr. Dan Siegel!
In today’s second segment, I discuss the How of mindfulness.
I review the three main types of practice - formal, informal, and semi-formal - and the ways in which each one develops open awareness, focused attention, and kind intention (also a tip of my hat to Dr. Siegel for this description.)
I hope you enjoy it all!
And if you feel like you want to get some support in doing these practices, there’s a link below to schedule a call with me so I can guide you to the program that’s right for you!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
In today’s first segment, I share a very fascinating - and kinda funny - story about an experiment done with a group of Harvard students.
Most of us believe we’re paying attention to our surroundings, but this video suggests a different view.
And it tells us a lot about the importance of attention.
Better yet, attention is a skill. And like any other skill you’ve ever developed, it can be trained through practice.
In the second segment today, I talk about how self-awareness allows us to see and discern between the emotions that just get us worked up for nothing and the emotions that motivate us toward beneficial action.
I hope you enjoy!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
I really hope you enjoy today’s episode! Both segments have a special little treat for you!
The overlying message today is all about bringing a kind and compassionate attitude to our moment-to-moment experience so we can deepen our self-awareness and, ultimately, find the source of our suffering.
But without the self-compassion, the self-awareness can only go so far!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
It may be far more powerful and far less expensive than you think, but the only way to find out for sure is to click the calendar link above and see for yourself!
Garrison Keillor describes the fictional Lake Wobegon as a place where ‘All the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.’
Psychologists have coined the phrase ‘The Lake Wobegon Effect’ to describe the way in which humans tend to overestimate their abilities and characteristics against the rest of society.
In short, we all think we’re above average.
But because it is impossible for all of us to be above average, we wind up knocking each other down in what psychologists call ‘Downward Social Comparison.’
In the first segment of today’s episode, I talk about the harm that all this negativity does to us and how to use the practice of compassion to overcome these unwanted impacts.
In segment two, I discuss how the deepening of self-awareness offers us the ability to see the activity of our minds - thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations - as though we’re watching it all happen on a tv screen.
Even better, it’s like we’re holding the remote control and always have the ability to simply pause and come back to a regulated place.
I hope you enjoy!
https://youtu.be/zt7BHMm2njU
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
It may be far more powerful and far less expensive than you think, but the only way to find out for sure is to click the calendar link above and see for yourself!
In segment one today, I discuss the beautiful quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn: ‘You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.’
I show you how this quote teaches us to accept all the ups and downs of life with the graceful and loving awareness of mindfulness.
And I also explain that we need to hold our flaws and failures in the same kind of kindness.
In the second segment, I tell a brief personal story about sitting with my anger and what I learned from it.
I hope you enjoy the episode!!!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
It may be far more powerful and far less expensive than you think, but the only way to find out for sure is to click the calendar link above and see for yourself!
In segment one of today’s episode, I talk about one of the hardest parts of my own journey through the healing of my trauma: reflecting on my own parenting before I started to heal.
For most of us, becoming a parent can be the catalyst for change and healing from our own trauma and cptsd.
By definition, this means that we were parents before we started the healing journey.
By definition, this means that we most likely repeated patterns of trauma - perhaps even the abuse and neglect that hurt us so much as children - with our kids.
The shame and guilt involved with this can be crushing.
And today I tell you how mindfulness and self-compassion can help so much.
In segment two, I explore another key aspect and symptom of cptsd: the propensity we have toward angry outbursts.
As I mention, it is hard to overstate the negative and dangerous impact chronic anger has on our bodies, not to mention the havoc it wreaks on our relationships!
But when we can hold our anger and resentment in the loving awareness of mindfulness, we come to understand that it is an act of self-compassion to forgive those who are the object of our anger.
This realization can be life-changing and I hope today’s episode helps you to arrive at it:
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
It may be far more powerful and far less expensive than you think, but the only way to find out for sure is to click the calendar link above and see for yourself!
Welcome to the new, two-segment format!!!
In today’s first segment, I talk about the nature of positive emotions and how there is some truth to the concept that positive emotions will attract more positive things into your life.
In the second segment, I talk about how positivity becomes toxic. (Hint: it’s all about how we process negative emotions without judgment)
Both segments are included in one video. The first segment is just about 15 minutes long.
The podcast has two segments within the same episode.
Please let me know how you like this new format!!!
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
No matter how long we practice or how much we grow, the trauma responses we’ve developed can be triggered at any given moment.
And before I go any further, it’s vital to recognize that these trauma responses, from the addictions to the automatic people-pleasing I discuss in one of today’s segments, are not your flaws.
In fact, it’s just the opposite!
The trauma responses we’ve created and developed are our own genius means of survival.
So you should be proud of your trauma responses!!!
But you should hold these responses in your loving self-awareness so that you can see when they’re not serving you any longer.
Check out today’s episode for more details:
I want to remind you that I offer many different forms of coaching support to help you develop this vital self-awareness and self-compassion.
In order to find out which one fits you best, schedule a free 1:1 session with me by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Today, I’m trying something a little different!
I broke today’s episode into two segments.
In the first segment, I talk about the fact that today is Suicide Prevention Day and how mindfulness and compassion can empower you to help someone else - or maybe you! - to see another option.
And in the second segment, I talk about how we can turn natural and automatic anticipation into forced and emotional expectation and what happens when we do.
Watch/Listen here:
If you or someone in your life has expressed that suicide seems to be the answer, please know that there are always other options that you may not be able to see right now. But the best thing you can do is to first talk to someone. You can talk to me by replying to this email (art@artburnscoaching.com - I’ll reply with my personal phone number) or call this number to speak with a caring and compassionate person who would love to speak with you: 800-273-8255… https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Many people consider meditation to be a practice we do to make us feel better: to lower stress, relax our minds, and ease the tension in our bodies.
While these effects will often result from meditation practice, they are certainly not the only - or even the most important - reasons to meditate.
The far extreme of the idea of meditation for ‘bliss’ is something we refer to as ‘bliss bypass’
If you’re unfamiliar with the term Bliss Bypass, you’re going to learn something super helpful in today’s episode:
So how am I doing???
Please send me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com to tell me if you’d prefer shorter segments or fewer, yet more robust episodes. And you can include any other feedback you might have. Thank you!!!
Of course, the fear of failure will prevent us from taking chances, close down our vulnerability, and make us overly self-critical.
But in today’s episode, I give you another important reality associated with the fear of failure and I hope it resonates and inspires you:
Sometimes, getting into a regular practice to achieve this wonderful result is really hard. If that’s the case for you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means you need a little help.
The good news is that help is closer and perhaps more affordable than you might think. The way to find out is to attend a coaching session and see for yourself.
Even better news is that such a session is already paid for and awaiting you. Claim it here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Are you enjoying the podcast/YouTube channel? If so, perhaps you’d consider supporting my work as a Patron. It’s super easy to set up and even a dollar or two every month can make a big difference.
Click here to get started: https://www.patreon.com/artburns
If you don’t mind, I’d like to cover a few items with you in addition to the daily content.
First, I want you to know that you can support this work through my Patreon Page. Even just a couple of dollars a month can go a very long way! Thank you!!!
Also, I want you to know that I’m giving away a cutting from the plant in the background of my videos! The first person to email me at art@artburnscoaching.com wins! (see today’s video for details.
And last, please let me know if you’d be interested in a low-cost ($5-$10 per session) group coaching program. See today’s episode for details on this too and let me know at the email above.
And now, to today’s content!
Many of us apologize several times a day without really knowing what we’re trying to convey with the apology.
For those of us with histories of childhood trauma, we might apologize for the way we feel; for expressing our emotions; or even for stating our needs.
Sadly, for all of us who do these things, we’ve been doing the apology thing all wrong!
The good news is that you can use the act of apology as an opportunity to practice mindful presence, empathy, and compassion (for yourself as well!)
In today’s video, I discuss this at length and offer some simple strategies for reframing the way you apologize to yourself and others:
Perhaps you feel like you need a little extra help with this work? If so, there’s no shame in that! And the really happy news is that help is available! In fact, you already have a coaching session just sitting here in my calendar, waiting to be claimed. There is no cost or obligation to this call, so you’ve got nothing at all to lose by clicking here to claim yours!
In today’s episode, I talk about how we grow up valuing self-esteem but how self-esteem abandons us in times of personal failure.
I hope you enjoyed that practice and get to use it in your daily life. If you feel like you need some help incorporating it into your moment-to-moment experience, it’s not your fault!
Making changes like this is hard and it can be very helpful to have a coach to assist you.
And it just so happens that you have a coaching session, in your name and all paid for, awaiting you. Click here to claim it:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Are you enjoying the podcast/YouTube channel? If so, perhaps you’d consider supporting my work as a Patron. It’s super easy to set up and even a dollar or two every month can make a big difference.
Click here to get started: https://www.patreon.com/artburns
We all have a baseline of happiness to which we return when the emotional reaction to an experience wears off.
When we get the latest iPhone, we experience euphoric happiness for a time but then the newness wears off and we return back to our baseline position.
Likewise, when we experience a loss of some kind, we will succumb to the heavy sadness as we reckon with what’s happened. But sooner or later this too wears off and we return to that same baseline of happiness.
Here’s the thing: this baseline is not static.
It is moveable. Meaning, we can elevate this baseline of happiness and well-being so that in the absence of anything ‘good’ or ‘bad’ we will dwell in lovely happiness and well-being.
The way to elevate this baseline, believe it or not, is through deepened awareness of the process of our mind. I explain it all in today’s episode:
Sometimes, getting into a regular practice to achieve this wonderful result is really hard. If that’s the case for you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means you need a little help.
The good news is that help is closer and perhaps more affordable than you might think. The way to find out is to attend a coaching session and see for yourself.
Even better news is that such a session is already paid for and awaiting you. Claim it here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Are you enjoying the podcast/YouTube channel? If so, perhaps you’d consider supporting my work as a Patron. It’s super easy to set up and even a dollar or two every month can make a big difference.
Click here to get started: https://www.patreon.com/artburns
It is said that up to 95% of the thoughts we have every day are not only automatic; they are repeated from the day before.
The thing is that our thoughts are the antecedents of our actions.
And we wonder why it’s so hard to make changes in our lives!!!
In today’s episode, I talk about this and I give a perfect, semi-formal practice to work with this automatic and repetitive nature of our mind:
If you’d like some ideas for intentions you can set each morning to take control and affect positive change in your life, I encourage you to take advantage of the free coaching session that sits in your name right now.
To claim it, just click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Are you enjoying the podcast/YouTube channel? If so, perhaps you’d consider supporting my work as a Patron. It’s super easy to set up and even a dollar or two every month can make a big difference.
Click here to get started: https://www.patreon.com/artburns
I hear so much talk these days about the need to be positive and eschew negative emotions like anger.
But even the eminent positivity psychologist, Barbara Fredrickson talks of the value of negative emotions in navigating the often turbulent waters of our lives.
I believe the key is in not judging the negative emotions as ‘bad’ nor the positive emotions as ‘good’.
As I say in today’s episode, the positive and negative emotions are more like the opposite sides of a battery:
If you feel like you need extra help with this topic, I’m here for you:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Are you enjoying the podcast/YouTube channel? If so, perhaps you’d consider supporting my work as a Patron. It’s super easy to set up and even a dollar or two every month can make a big difference.
Click here to get started: https://www.patreon.com/artburns
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be right.
This desire is at the heart of the human instinct to learn and grow.
What’s not necessarily a natural human instinct - and what may be far more damaging than beneficial - is the need to prove yourself right at every single opportunity.
In today’s episode, I talk about this and the amazing benefits of developing the skill to let it go:
If this is a specifically troublesome issue in your life today, there are things you can do (other than the practice I mention in today’s episode!) to overcome it quickly and effectively. Click here to book a talk with me so we can get you going:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Are you enjoying the podcast/YouTube channel? If so, perhaps you’d consider supporting my work as a Patron. It’s super easy to set up and even a dollar or two every month can make a big difference.
Click here to get started: https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Yesterday was a rough day for me and I did not get to record the daily podcast and video. I hope you can accept my apology by understanding what was going on.
I tell the whole story in today’s episode:
If you’d like to talk more about this, or any other ways in which trauma and stress disrupt your life, please click here to claim your coaching session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
This session is already paid for! And I hope you can take advantage of this opportunity!!
Of all our implicit biases, the most powerful - especially for the victims of trauma and CPTSD - is the Negativity Bias.
This implicit bias is nothing more than your brain trying to keep you safe by noticing the negative aspects of your experience more than the positive.
The trouble begins when we start to believe that our lives are filled with more negative than positive experiences.
In today’s episode, I talk about how awareness of this bias, and the neutralization of it, can happen through practicing gratitude:
I hope you enjoyed the video and I hope you get to try the practice I described!
If you have any questions, you can email me at art@artburnscoaching.com or you can click this link to set up your free virtual coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Did you not know you had a coaching session already waiting for you? Well, you do! So please click the link to schedule it. I’m really excited to meet you!!!
When we’re feeling grounded in our lives at any given moment; when we feel stable and secure, yet flexible and adaptable, we are floating down what Dan Siegel calls The River of Well Being.
On the right bank of this river is chaos. On the left bank is rigidity.
In today’s episode, I talk about what this all means and why it matters:
I hope you enjoyed the video and I hope you get to try the practice I described!
If you have any questions, you can email me at art@artburnscoaching.com or you can click this link to set up your free virtual coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Did you not know you had a coaching session already waiting for you? Well, you do! So please click the link to schedule it. I’m really excited to meet you!!!
About five years ago, I found myself in one of the scariest situations ever.
And I watched as my practice took over and saved the day!
Check out today’s episode for the full, mind-blowing story:
If you’d like to learn this practice or any of the dozens of other practices I can teach you, please click here to book your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In any given moment, our consciousness is engaged one of two available modes: Construction or Conduition.
In conduition, we are open to our experience, taking in everything through our senses, inner sensations, thoughts and emotions, and in the feeling of being connected to the experience.
In construction, we are thinking, scheming, and figuring things out.
In today’s episode, I discuss these two modes and give some guidance on why it’s important to know which mode we are engaging in any given moment.
If you’d like to learn more, please book your free coaching session with me by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
It’s great to be back!!!
In today’s episode, I listed a few new items:
I’m doing a daily Tik Tok video, so please follow me there.
I’ve added a Thursday evening group coaching opportunity (Link below)
And I’ll also link to the Learning to Surf podcast stuff I’m doing.
But in today’s episode, I talked about the benefit of acceptance across the arc of the lifespan. That is, to accept this is the life we were born into and while we can make changes, this is the life we’ve got.
Here’s the link to the episode:
If you’re interested in joining me for some coaching on Thursday nights - as a question, share a thought, get a new practice - you can join here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/dqfvnsycclbzb/
And here’s a link to my other podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
And as always, if you would like to meet with me to ask any questions or get some 1:1 coaching, you have a free session waiting for you! You can claim it here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
After over 600 episodes recorded, I have decided to retreat for the next week in an effort to refine and refocus my message.
What would you like me to cover here?
I will be back on 8/11 with brand new episodes!
In today’s episode, I talk about informal, ‘off the cushion’ practices and the importance of self-compassion:
I will still be doing my one-minute videos on TikTok. So if you’re on there, follow me! tiktok.com/@art_mindful
And please email me back for a link to join our new Thursday Group Coaching Sessions!
Interpersonal relationships are one of the most powerful factors involved in our well-being.
And, as my teacher Dan Siegel says with one of his amazing acronyms, every healthy relationship has the following PART: Presence, Attunement, Resonance, and Trust.
In today’s episode, I explain this fully and also talk about the importance of repairing any rupture to a relationship that happens in the absence of PART:
I also reminded you of a new and super affordable group coaching opportunity!
I would love to hear if you’re interested in joining us! Please let me know in an email to art@artburnscoaching.com or, if you prefer, just book some time so I can tell you all about it:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In mindfulness and compassion, as in life in general, it is very helpful to set attainable goals.
Attainable goals lead to confidence and momentum; unreasonable goals lead to shame and inertia.
In today’s episode, I talk about this:
And I also made the announcement of a new group coaching opportunity!
Starting in the very near future, I will be hosting a weekly group coaching session and I want to invite you to attend!
These sessions will be offered by donation and are open to all.
If you are interested, please email me at art@artburnscoaching.com to let me know and to receive more information.
This morning, the thought came to me that, because I grew up in a home filled with abuse and lacking any kind of empathy or compassion, I have no mental model for what healthy family relationships look like.
At first, this was terrifying.
But then, I realized that it could be really exciting instead!
Watch or listen to today’s episode to learn more:
And if you’re interested in a donation-based group coaching program, I have one in the works! Coaching can change your life in tremendous ways. I know from seeing it happen over and over with the many clients I’ve helped over the years.
If you’re interested in joining a group program, please let me know in an email: art@artburnscoaching.com
And if you’d like to join our Wednesday evening meditation and discussion, register here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycclbgb/
Finally, if you’d like to claim the coaching session I mentioned in today’s episode - it’s already paid for! - you can schedule it here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Let’s face it. Life doesn’t always cooperate with us and our plans. Right?
Today, for me, is a great example.
Last night, through no fault of my own or anyone else, I wound up sleeping less than four hours, far less than the seven hours my body requires.
So today I am a walking wreck.
And it would be easy for me to give in to the irritability and even anger I might experience today.
But instead, I choose to hold my physical sensation in my awareness, forgive myself, and allow myself to take it slowly and be flexible with people and circumstances.
It’s not how I want things to be.
But by accepting things in this way, I can avoid further suffering.
In today’s episode, I talk about this.
When we connect to others, it is always an act of kindness and compassion that will benefit that person.
But did you know how that connection benefits you?
Watch or listen to today’s episode to find out:
And if you’d like some coaching on this or any other topics I talk about here, please click here to claim your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I hear all the time from my students and clients that they believe that if they are not in a place of calm bliss, they are obviously not practicing mindfulness correctly.
But the truth is that this is an impossible ideal.
In today’s episode, I discuss this and give you some pointers and advice on handling your racing or triggered mind in mindfulness:
If you’d like to learn more, please claim your free coaching session with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We experience our lives, moment by moment, in four very specific ways:
Physically, emotionally, and cognitively.
The fourth way is a little less straightforward.
The fourth way we experience anything in our lives is in the tendencies, patterns, and even the trauma of our lives.
This fourth pillar is kinda like a prism through which the world passes and each of us has a prism that is totally unique to ourselves.
In today’s episode, I explore this important topic:
And in today’s episode, I also discuss a new opportunity I have for you!
I will be offering a weekly group meeting for anyone who is interested. This weekly meeting will be an opportunity for deeper learning and understanding.
It’s meant to be affordable (Say $15 per session vs $100 per hour for 1:1 coaching!)
And it’s open to all!
If you’re interested in this, please email me back at art@artburnscoaching.com. If there is enough interest, I’ll figure out the details.
Also, if you’re interested in joining us for a weekly meditation and short discussion, you can register for my mid-week meetup here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycckblc/
And if you’d prefer to have a 1:1 talk, as always that is available - totally free! - here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
The other day, I posted this to Facebook:
Almost 10 years ago I gave up drinking alcohol and I had this feeling that “Yes! Finally! This is the answer!!”
A few years later, I went 100% vegan and lost 100 lbs and I thought: “This! This is what I’ve needed all along!”
A few years later, I discovered mindfulness and compassion practices, and I knew “This is it! NOW it all makes sense!”
A few months ago, for the first time, I recognized my trauma. And I sat down and said “Hoo Boy.”
In today’s episode, I unpack these statements and talk about the deeper meanings:
If you believe you can’t accomplish any of these things; if you believe what you might have gone through as a child wasn’t ‘really’ traumatizing or abusive, I beg for the opportunity to help you arrive at a deeper understanding.
If you want to take me up on it, just click this link to schedule your free coaching session with me.
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We all know life can be unpredictable.
Any given moment can be either joyous and easy or sad and difficult.
For this very reason, regulation must happen on a moment-by-moment basis.
In today’s episode, I talk about this:
If you’d like to learn more, please book a free coaching session with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Connection to other humans is as important as nutrition, hydration, and exercise.
Seriously. It’s really that important.
Scientists tell us that if a human baby is fed, cleaned, and protected, but not held by another human, that baby will die.
Many studies have shown that the survival rate of even the most deadly diseases we know is deeply impacted by the number and quality of social connections patients have in their lives.
In today’s episode, I talk about this topic and also give you a really simple practice to cultivate this essential connection in your life:
There are many more ways to practice connection via compassion!
If you’d like to learn more, you can send me an email - art@artburnscoaching - or simply use this link to schedule a call with me (It’s free and it could change your life!):
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And speaking of connection, I want you to know that we now have a facebook community linked to this podcast. Please join us!
Join the Facebook Community Here
And another community is the one I meet every Wednesday night for a guided meditation followed by what is always an amazing conversation afterwards.
We offer this hour by donation, which is allowed to be $0.
If you’d like to join us (And I hope you do!), click here to register:
Join the Meditation Group Here!
Presence is a vital skill for so many reasons!
In presence, we can notice something positive in an otherwise difficult situation, allowing us to down-regulate our nervous system and maintain the ability to find creative solutions.
In presence, we can sense our own tension arising and take action for ourselves.
And in presence, we can notice and feel the feelings of another.
This is the gateway to empathy and compassion that are so important in every form of relationship we can possibly have!
In today’s episode, I cover all of this and how some delicious string beans saved the evening for someone I know:
I want you to know that we now have a facebook community linked to this podcast. Please join us!
Join the Facebook Community Here
And another community is the one I meet every Wednesday night for a guided meditation followed by what is always an amazing conversation afterward.
We offer this hour by donation, which is allowed to be $0.
If you’d like to join us (And I hope you do!), click here to register:
Join the Meditation Group Here!
And finally, if you’re looking for more intensive work, you can book a 1:1 coaching session, completely cost-free, by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
It’s a fundamental law of nature that things work better, perform better, feel better, etc, when things are in balance and integrated.
And you are no different!
If all you do is work, you are out of balance…
If you spend all day (as I used to!) being angry and resentful of the people around you, you are out of balance…
And the need for balance shows up in all areas of our life:
It’s in our diets, our exercise, our screen time, and our time spent in nature, to name just a few.
In today’s episode, I talk about the need for balance, the science behind this understanding, and some simple ways you can create balance in your life:
If you feel like you need some support, I want you to know that we now have a Facebook community linked to this podcast. Please join us!
Join the Facebook Community Here
And another community is the one I meet every Wednesday night for a guided meditation followed by what is always an amazing conversation afterward.
We offer this hour by donation, which is allowed to be $0.
If you’d like to join us (And I hope you do!), click here to register:
Join the Meditation Group Here!
And finally, if you’re looking for more intensive work, you can book a 1:1 coaching session, completely cost-free, by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Jon Kabat-Zinn, from whom I have learned so much about mindfulness, stress, and living a life of equanimity, has a great description.
He says that most of us go through life thinking that our body is simply here to hold our head on as we think our way through our lives.
And he’s right!
When we ‘live in our heads’ we fall victim to the aversion and clinging that come along with expectations of how things are ‘supposed’ to be.
So we try to recruit our body into the process.
But when our body experiences stress, overwhelm, and dis-regulation, we can use the executive functioning brain to regulate ourselves.
In today’s episode, I talk about how it's really about employing the brain AND the body in our moment-to-moment experience:
If you’re not busy next Wednesday evening, I strongly encourage you to join us for the mid-week mindfulness meeting.
We do a guided meditation, followed by a discussion that never, ever disappoints!
If you’d like to join us for this free event, click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycckbcc/
And if you have any questions about any of this, or would like to see how it feels to work with a fantastic coach, I invite you to click here to claim your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
“Integration made visible is kindness and compassion.” - Dan Siegel, The Mindsight Institute
There is so much packed into this short sentence!
But the message that comes through these words, to me, is that when we are in our integrated state, we are operating at optimal efficiency and well-being.
And from this integrated state flows natural and automatic kindness and compassion.
Therefore, the natural expression of human beings is kindness and compassion.
In today’s episode, I talk about this in some detail:
And I also talk about how we can use this information in reverse: that is, when we experience someone who is neither kind nor compassionate, we know that they are in a state of dis-integration.
We know they are suffering.
And today, I invite you to respond to these suffering people with the kindness and compassion in your heart, instead of the instinct you might feel to meet unkindness with more unkindness.
I have another invitation for you today!
I’ve started a facebook group for our podcast community!!! For now, it’s public as we get people to come in and join us. But in a week or two, I will switch it to private so we can all feel safe and among friends.
If you’d like to join, click here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/315597330255001/
And, as always, I invite you to book a coaching session with me. It’s totally free and, given 45 minutes of presence and attention, what we do in this session could very well change your life.
To book your call, click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And one more invitation! If you’d like to join me in my weekly meditation and discussion group that meets on Wednesday evenings, click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycckbsb/
My whole life, it feels like I always had something wrong with me.
I wasn’t good at sports…
I was a chubby kid…
I couldn’t make friends…
I was terrified of girls and sex…
And the list goes on and evolves to more adult issues like financial struggle, substance abuse, legal issues, etc as I grew older.
I always felt like I was somehow broken as I watched all the other people around me hold their lives together and thrive where I was struggling so mightily.
I used to think it was genetic, or that my parents were just messed up people and I was messed up like them.
But it was only recently, thanks to a wonderful quote I recently heard, that I’ve reframed this view of myself.
In today’s episode, I talk about this:
In case you missed it, the quote is: “We have to start looking at ourselves in terms of what happened to us instead of what’s wrong with us.” -Fritzi Horstman, The Compassion Prison Project.
And if you feel like there is something ‘wrong’ with you, it could be that you have unresolved childhood trauma.
And if you don’t have access to professional mental health services, I may be able to help.
So I invite you to book a call with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
It’s free and it could change your life.
I don’t want to weigh you down with a bunch of brain science - Unless you want to nerd out with me, in which case, send me an email! - but I will tell you one basic fact about how your brain is working right now:
When you experience negative emotions, it is a sign that your brain is dis-integrated.
And when you experience positive emotions, your brain is integrated.
Of course, this plays heavily into our daily lives. But integration, or dis-integration, is also related to your health and well-being.
In today’s episode, I talk about some of the details involved in all this:
And I give you that super simple practice you can do, starting today, to build this integration in your brain, your body, and your relationships.
If you need any help or clarification on the practice, you can reply to this email (art@artburnscoaching.com)...
OR!!! You could do something more fun and powerful!
Right now, there is a coaching session sitting here waiting for you. It’s already paid for. And all you have to do to claim it is click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
About a week ago, I did an episode about perfectionism.
And a few days ago, I lived through a big-time lesson in perfectionism.
I tell the whole story in today’s episode:
You see, perfectionism can happen any time, to anyone.
And it can wreak havoc when it shows up!
So the solution is not so much to avoid perfectionism as much as it is to see it when it happens.
In seeing it, we can work with it.
Oftentimes, working with it and moving past it is as simple as accepting and letting go.
So how do we ‘see’ perfectionism?
This too is quite simple: in order to notice our perfectionism, we must develop self-awareness.
To develop self-awareness requires nothing more than to do about 10 minutes of practice every day.
Doing the practices are simple too, once you know how.
Learning how to do the practices is as simple as clicking this link and scheduling a free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Yesterday, I talked about the fact that we don’t have the ability to control someone’s actions, emotions, or thoughts.
But that’s really just half the equation!
Many times when someone’s behavior seems absurd and triggers our anger or frustration, we tend to think: ‘Why does this person act like this???’
And yet, most of the time this is a rhetorical question and only leads to more anger, frustration, and resentment.
But what happens if we ask that question honestly?
In today’s episode, I talk about this.
And as I mention at the end of the episode, it’s not just childhood trauma that creates this condition; stress alone can make someone act in a ‘disabled’ way.
If you’d like to discuss this in detail, I invite you to book a free coaching session with me by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
So many times in our interpersonal relationships, we demand that another person change their behavior to suit us and bring us some level of happiness or comfort.
But even when we ask for someone to change, we never have control over their actions.
Never.
And we also never have control over another person’s emotions; another person never has control over our emotions.
Whatever anyone feels is within their own body and is only controlled by them.
In today’s episode, I talk about this, and some tips for regulating ourselves in the face of challenges:
https://youtu.be/1RPwNt2pu8U
If you enjoyed today’s episode, please let me know!
If you have a specific question about today’s episode, feel free to email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
But the best way to ask a question is to set up your free coaching session with me!
If you’d like to do so, click this link here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I want to first tell you, as a trigger warning, that today’s episode is about alcoholism and addiction.
I actually was ‘this close’ to abandoning this topic today for another, but I realize that maybe someone needs to hear this today.
As the term ‘A little wine goes in, a lot of truth comes out’ implies, what we might see as an angry or mean drunk, is often really a hurt person who spends all their time holding it together.
In today’s episode, I talk about this in the context of a couple of personal stories:
If you experience someone who is an angry or mean drunk - and you are physically safe from any violence they may commit! - I invite you to try to forgive them and see them through the lens of compassion.
And if you are that angry drunk, try to offer forgiveness to yourself so you may see the root of your suffering more clearly.
And if you need someone to talk to about this, I am here for you.
Either email me at art@artburnscoaching.com, or use this link to schedule a call with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I grew up with the notion that, as bad as things may have been in my life at any given moment, there was always someone in the world who had it worse.
Of course, I get it.
And it’s impossible to argue the merits of such a statement when you just have to turn on the news to see the suffering of people around the world that is far greater than the suffering I feel when my phone battery dies so quickly these days.
And I get that acknowledging that someone else’s suffering is ‘worse’ than mine will help to lift me from the doldrums of sadness I may experience.
But at the same time, when I diminish my own suffering because someone else has it ‘worse than me’, I’m really ignoring and turning away from my own authenticity.
In today’s episode, I explore this topic in depth:
If you would like to learn more about the self compassion I discuss in today’s episode, I invite you to claim your free coaching session.
That’s right. I said claim ‘Your’ coaching session.
I said that because you have a coaching session with me already. It’s just sitting here with your name on it.
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I found myself yesterday in a very familiar - and very uncomfortable - place.
Despite everything seeming to be ‘ok’ in my life, I found myself just down in the dumps.
Wanna know how I picked myself up?
I explain it all in today’s episode:
In almost 100% of cases, when we feel inexplicably emotional (Yesterday I was sad and pessimistic, but it could show up as anger or jealousy or virtually any other powerful emotion), just looking and finding the source of the emotion is enough to start to lift yourself out of it.
For me, the source was both circumstantial and also tied to what I was consuming with my mind.
But it could be as simple as not getting enough sleep or not having enough to eat.
The point is that the connection between our bodies and our emotions is powerful and unambiguous.
And the key, again, is to see it; to understand it.
This seeing and understanding arises from self awareness.
And self awareness is cultivated by practicing presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity.
If you feel like you need some help developing such a practice in your life, I have two options:
You can go the 1:1 coaching route by taking the first step of scheduling a session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Or you can go the communal route and come to my mid-week mindfulness meeting on Wednesday at 7 pm MST (9 pm EST, 8 CST, 6 PST), and you can register for free right here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycckbkb/
For my whole life, until about 10 years ago when I started practicing mindfulness, I was stricken with the disease of perfectionism.
I spent almost all my time trying to get everything just right.
And I punished myself when I failed.
In today’s episode, I talk about my own perfectionism and how I was able to overcome it through the practices of mindfulness and self compassion:
If you are struggling with perfectionism, or any of what I said today resonates with you, I want you to know a couple of things:
First, you are not alone! So many of us feel this need to be perfect and so many of us struggle with the guilt and shame that results.
Second, your imperfections are what make you a beautiful and amazing human being!
Third, there is only one you. And I mean in the entire universe, there is no one who is exactly you. So I beg you to allow the true you to come out. The world needs you!
(But understand that this involves some effort and guidance, leading me to the next point…)
Finally, you deserve all the compassion and love for yourself! And I can show you how to practice and develop it. All you have to do is click this link to claim your free coaching session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Of course, we’ve all heard the little sayings…
‘Turn that frown upside down…’
‘Smile and the world smiles with you…’
‘Put on a happy face…’
And probably a whole bunch more than I can even remember at this point.
But did you ever consider that there might be a scientific basis for these sayings?
Well, thanks to Dr. Richard Davidson, we now know there is a scientific basis for all these beliefs about smiling!
In today’s episode, I talk all about this science - along with some philosophy - of the smile:
I hope the video convinces you to smile often for your own benefit and for the benefit of all those around you.
From the most anonymous stranger to the most intimate loved one, your smile can change the world!
If you’d like to know more about how this all works, and for some free coaching on how to implement this practice in your life, just click here to claim your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
After that heavy episode about my own trauma yesterday, it feels good to me to talk today about some good old neuroscience!
Until pretty recently - like the mid-nineties - it was widely accepted in the fields of neuroscience and psychology that once our brains were fully developed (around age 25), that was the brain that we carried with us for the rest of our lives.
No new brain cells could be generated.
And all the synaptic connections of our brain were fixed and static for the rest of our lives.
Well thankfully we now know much more about the brain and the quality of the brain called neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity is just a fancy word that describes the way our brains can be molded, through experience (as well as through thought and intention!)
In today’s episode, I talk about how this works and how we can remodel our brains for health and well being:
So what does this mean to you in your moment-to-moment experience?
It means that if you’re shy and fearful in social situations, you can practice to become more bold and comfortable…
If you have trouble recognizing social cues, you can become more socially aware…
If you’re someone who often succumbs to road rage, you can become someone who is more patient and understanding on the road…
And these changes can happen on the level of the function of your brain!
So it’s not about ‘remembering’ to be patient with that jerk who cut you off this morning.
Instead of having to remember anything, neuroplasticity tells us that this can become an automatic emotional response for you.
All it takes is practice.
To learn the specific practices required to make the changes you want to make in your life, claim your free coaching session with me here and let me help you:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As you know, I always like to write an email to convey some of what is included in the episode of the day.
But today’s topic makes that, in some ways, more difficult.
This is, in part, because today’s episode is all about my own personal childhood trauma.
And that should serve as a trigger warning to you; although the stories I tell today are not very violent, they are potentially disturbing.
So I will just let you watch the video:
If anything I say today resonates with you, and you feel like you are suffering from trauma you didn’t know about, I urge you to reach out.
As a coach, my job is to help you implement tools to help you function in the here and now.
But healing trauma requires looking back and understanding what happened to you.
This can be a very difficult task and one that many people can not do alone. There is no shame in needing help.
And if you need help finding help, I will help.
You can reply to this email (art@artburnscoaching.com), or you can claim your free coaching session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I thought today would be a good time to take a little pause and talk about practice.
Specifically, I want to talk about the most simple practices of them all.
Setting intention is so key to mindfulness that it could be called synonymous.
After all, mindfulness is not about stumbling upon random and chance moments of presence, as we all do at some point.
Mindfulness asks us to pay attention on purpose; to pay attention intentionally.
In today’s episode, I talk about the reason and the method for setting an intention each morning (and why it works, along with some tips and advice for establishing this practice for yourself):
As you can see, it doesn’t get any simpler - or easier - than this simple practice.
Therefore, the biggest challenge is going to be remembering to do it,
As I mention in the video, post it notes and lipstick on the bathroom mirror are great tools. But a lot of people require more help. And this is where coaching comes in.
I would love to create a couple of small groups for coaching, which can be far more affordable and every bit as effective as 1:1 coaching.
But if your money is more abundant than your time, 1:1 might make more sense.
The point is that there are many options available to you.
But the first step is always the same: Click this link so we can arrange a time to talk:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Last night, as I filled my car’s tires with air and my 12 year old daughter sat in the air conditioned car listening to her music, we witnessed someone experiencing road rage, blaring their horn at someone who failed to turn when the light turned green.
Moments later, as we drove down the road, she asked me which car it was.
And right after that, came the most profound and compassionate words:
“But maybe he was doing that because he needs to rush to the hospital because someone he loves is hurt… Or maybe he’s just a selfish jerk.”
In today’s episode, I discuss this in more detail and take a deep dive into how connection gives us a sense of safety and transcends some of our tribal compartmentalizations:
Because it is only through a true and authentic connection to ourselves - our true and authentic selves - that we can find this empathic understanding that will lead to compassion.
If you’d like to learn more about these concepts; if you’d like to experience the coaching that can help you develop this vital connection with yourself that will facilitate your authenticity, I invite you to claim your free coaching session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As my Son turned 10 years old yesterday, I reflected on the old adages I constantly hear from parents:
‘They grow up so fast!’
‘You blink and you miss it!’
‘Where did the time go???’
As a mindfulness coach, I’ve told many parents that it’s not so much that the time went particularly fast or slow.
In fact, time did exactly the same thing time has always done.
The difference is how you paid attention to what was happening as it was happening.
And it has nothing at all to do with how busy you are!!!
As we attend to each arising moment of our lives as parents, we are able to build healthy and vital connections.
Connection to our authentic self and connection to those we love.
In today’s episode, I share a tragic personal story of my father, a man so conditioned by fear he was unable to connect to his authenticity:
If anything I’ve said today resonates with you, I want you to know two things:
First, the time to build connection to your authentic self and those around you is now. In this moment.
Second, it’s never too late!
If you’d like to discuss methods to achieve what I talk about in these daily episodes, I invite you to claim the coaching session that already belongs to you.
You can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In the beginning of today’s episode, I talk about how to be intentional and authentic on this Father’s Day (And any other holiday!)
Many of us have grown up in relationships with our Fathers that aren’t reflected in the many facebook posts we’ll see today.
And it’s ok to feel that way!
As I mention in the episode today, in many ways it’s not your fault and you are by no means alone!
I hope you enjoy the practice I offer to all you, like me, who are struggling through this day.
In today’s episode, I also talk about connection:
As I illustrate, it is a biological imperative for us to connect to other humans and other mammals (Can’t wait to give my Kitty a hug!)
This means that connection is not some kind of luxury, but is essential to your well being.
And, as I point out in today’s episode, we must connect to ourselves first.
Would you like to be coached in how to build connection to yourself and others?
If you are feeling a Yes to this question, then you can claim your coaching session - it’s already paid for! - by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’ve watched many of my videos or certainly if you’ve attended any of my coaching sessions, you’ve probably heard me say:
“I am not a practicing Buddhist and this is not a Buddhist course.”
And that’s why I find it so perplexing that over half the people with whom I work as a coach invariably come back to me at some point and tell me how much my coaching has helped with their spirituality.
In today’s episode, I go into this topic in some detail and offer some reasons for this phenomenon:
Spirituality is a huge part of our lives!
And contemplating these big existential questions can open us to a deeper sense of purpose and connection, both of which are essential to our emotional and physical well-being.
If you’d like to explore the topic of spirituality with a coach, I invite you to claim your free session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
This morning was one of the rare instances in which the planned topic for the day’s episode just didn’t resonate enough to actually go for it.
The original topic was to be an honest accounting of some of the behavior and even abuse that caused me deeper trauma than I am often able to recognize.
As I mention, if I get ten emails to art@artburnscoaching.com asking me to share this story, I’ll do it.
But for today’s episode, I decided to talk about taking time off from the toil but not from our true essence:
Did you like that Bob Marley quote???
If you’d like to get some clarification on any of this topic, or any other topic of mindfulness, you’re welcome to shoot me an email any time.
But you might benefit more from a 45 minute coaching session.
This session has the potential to be life changing!
And you already have a session with your name on it!!!
All you have to do is claim it here:
And if you’re interested in another amazing podcast, consider checking out the Learning to Surf podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
And finally, I want to invite you to our guided group meditation and discussion that happens every Saturday morning and Wednesday evening. It’s offered by donation and you can register here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccjbzb/
I am so happy to be back in the routine of journaling every day!
For about five years or so, I journaled for about 5-10 minutes per day almost without fail.
But I kinda considered it a luxury at some point and, as I got busier (I think it was a covid homeschooling thing), I moved away from it.
At first, it was a day skipped here and there.
But after a month or so, the journal stayed on the shelf.
But as you’ve heard me mention a few times recently, I am dealing with some issues in my life that have been challenging on an emotional level.
In today’s episode, I talk about how helpful it’s been to get back into it:
I also talk about some basic procedural points today:
Set a timer for 3-4 minutes…
Don’t stop writing! If you run out of things to write, just write ‘I’ve run out of things to write…’ until something arises. (Something will arise!)...
Use prompts (especially in the first few weeks!)
If you’d like to discuss this more, or if you have anything else you’d like to discuss, I suggest you claim your free coaching session with me here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
“Often, when we say ‘I love you’ we focus mostly on the ‘I’ who is doing the loving and less on the quality of the love that’s being offered. This is because we are caught by the idea of self. We think we have a self. But there is no such thing as an individual separate self. A flower is made only of non-flower elements, such as chlorophyll, sunlight, and water. If we were to remove all the non-flower elements from the flower, there would be no flower left. A flower cannot be by herself alone. A flower can only inter-be with the rest of us… Humans are like this too. We can’t exist by ourselves alone. We can only inter-be. I am made only of non-me elements, such as the Earth, the sun, parents, and ancestors. In a relationship, if you can see the nature of interbeing between you and the other person, you can see that his suffering is your own suffering, and your happiness is his own happiness. With this way of seeing, you speak and act differently. This in itself can relieve so much suffering.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh
I share this quote to illustrate the connection we all have with each other.
But of course, these beautiful and poetic words, written by the venerable Monk, are echoed by modern neuroscientists and researchers, as I mention quite often.
In today’s episode, we take a deep dive into what it means to be connected and how to rewire all the years of belief in this concept of a separate self:
If you have any questions about this or any other topics I cover here, I welcome you to reach out.
You’re welcome to simply send me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com (Or reply to this email!)
But you might enjoy a 1:1 conversation, instead.
And it just so happens that you have a 1:1 coaching session that already has your name on it!
To claim this session, please simply click this link and follow the prompts:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
When you read the word ‘Intimacy’, what images come to mind?
If you’re like me (and many others) you might envision scenes of romance with some Barry White soundtrack in your mind.
And, to be sure, sex is (mostly) an intimate act.
But sex, in my opinion, and understanding, sits within the greater sphere of intimacy and does not define intimacy.
In today’s episode, I talk about what intimacy is and what it requires. And I talk about how Mindfulness and Compassion practices can create the conditions for intimacy:
If you have any questions about this subject or would like to learn how to practice in the service of intimacy, I hope you will reach out.
You’re welcome to simply reply to this email (art@artburnscoaching.com for all of you who aren’t on my mailing list).
But there is another way to reach me that you may find far more impactful!
As I explained in the beginning of today’s episode, you have a professional coaching session with your name on it.
It’s already been paid for and it’s just sitting there waiting to be claimed.
So just how do you claim this coaching session for yourself?
It’s as simple as clicking this link and following the prompts:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Most of us consider ourselves to be kind and compassionate people.
We hold doors for people…
We say please and thank you…
We offer assistance where we see it needed.
But at the same time, most people have two distinct thresholds that we refuse to cross with our kindness and compassion.
The first threshold is in front of us, where we refuse to offer our compassion to people who have done harmful things to ourselves or other people.
The second threshold is where we refuse kindness and compassion for ourselves in times of difficulty.
In today’s episode, I talk about these thresholds and how it’s important and helpful to cross them:
If you feel like you could use some help developing this beneficial compassion for yourself and for those around you, I want to remind you that you’ve already got a coaching session in your name.
I bought it for you and I hope you can pick it up soon.
To claim your coaching session (seriously, it’s totally free with no strings attached), simply click this link and follow the prompts:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I think it’s common for many of us to view the adverse experiences of our lives and minimize the effects those experiences have had on us as we compare our own experiences to those of others who seem to have gone through something much harder than we have.
But while this is common (certainly true for me!), it is very detrimental to our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.
We should learn to honor every bit of the difficulty of our lives as true and real for us, no matter how it compares to anyone else.
Because, as I explain through a personal story in today’s episode, even experiences that seem almost silly in their insignificance can cause issues for the rest of our lives:
As I mention in today’s episode, if the experiences you are possibly ignoring are rooted in trauma such as abuse, I urge you to seek out the help of a mental health professional.
If you need help determining whether you should be seeing a professional therapist (I am not one), I invite you to click this link and book your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Don’t worry, we’re not going to talk about fighting!
The title of this video and the subject of the email is a quote taken from the person who was Bruce Lee’s trainer, and it’s resonated with me ever since a good friend told me about it a few years ago.
What I really love about it is how it applies to mindfulness practices!
In today’s video, I tell two personal stories of situations in which I was able to use the tool I needed to come back to a place of calm and compassion:
If you would like to learn more about these practices I talk about, I encourage you to get in touch.
Some people are well capable of developing these skills on their own, but most of us need a little guidance, motivation, and accountability in order to stick with it long enough for the skills to take root as habits.
If you feel like you could use some coaching, your first session is on me.
In fact, I’ve already bought the first session for you!
All you have to do is claim it.
And you can do that by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Coaching can be one of the most rewarding and life-changing experiences a person can have!
And I have several reviews to back this statement up. (you can read them here):
https://business.google.com/reviews/l/12036371216006319741?hl=en
It may be far more powerful and far less expensive than you think, but the only way to find out for sure is to click the calendar link above and see for yourself!
I think my story is pretty common, actually.
I think most people grow up behind a sort of mask we wear to please those around us.
For me, it was my compassion that I felt needed to be hidden so I could be a tough guy like all the men in my family.
And over the years, that kindness, forgiveness, and compassion that felt so right to me, was covered up so well and so deeply that I came to forget I was hiding it at all.
In today’s episode, I tell a story from Jack Kornfield that illustrates this point quite well:
The really beautiful thing about all of this is that no matter how long we’ve been covering our true authentic self, we can find it again easily and quickly through some very simple practices.
Not only are the practices simple, they feel really good too!
So if you’d like to learn more about these practices, or if you have any questions about anything I’ve covered here, please consider claiming your free coaching session with me.
What’s that? What free coaching session?
I have made available to each and every one of my listeners a 45-minute virtual coaching session.
It can be done over the phone or by zoom.
It can be a life-changing event.
It can bring you clarity and hope.
And it can be claimed by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
So much of the struggles we experience in life arise directly or indirectly from the decisions we make.
And it’s not just the big decisions!
As I often remind you, life happens moment-by-moment. And that means that the decisions we make happen moment-by-moment too.
That is to say that the daily, seemingly insignificant decisions we make every day have consequences that ultimately become the struggles of tomorrow.
In today’s episode, I talk about how forgiveness and self-compassion factor into this process and how practicing these can help to make decisions that are beneficial to you and those whose lives you touch every day:
If you’d like help with the practice I talk about in today’s video, please feel free to email me back.
And I would love to hear how this daily practice helps you. Could I ask you to email me after a week and let me know?
But, of course, there is another way!
You currently have a coaching session with your name on it, waiting to be claimed. It’s totally free and could change your life.
To claim your coaching session, please click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In so many aspects of our lives, we tend to think of the completion of a process from which we move on.
When we ‘learn’ something, for example, we feel like the process of learning is done and we can move on to the next thing.
And this is something, I think, people associate with mindfulness and meditation as well.
But even though there is a terminal point to learning about mindfulness - we have learned the practices, so we’re done, right? - there is also an aspect of ongoing practice that is very important to understand and embrace.
Just as life is a moment-to-moment experience, our practice becomes an effortless moment-to-moment course correction.
In today’s episode, I explain this in detail:
And I also talk about how this concept applies to forgiveness!
Because, like the example above, there is an intuitive feeling that forgiveness is like learning: once we’ve forgiven someone, they stay forgiven.
And while this may work at some levels of forgiveness, it most certainly does not work at all levels of forgiveness.
Consider this: someone who cuts in front of us in traffic needs only to be forgiven once because we’ll probably never even see them again.
But what about a more significant figure in our lives?
Like a parent?
Or a child?
Or a spouse or a friend?
Forgiving these people will take more effort; will take more practice.
I have found it very helpful to consider forgiveness as this kind of moment-to-moment course correction.
And I hope you find it helpful, too.
If you would like to talk more about how to cultivate this moment-to-moment forgiveness, so that you can live a life of ease and happiness, please click this link to claim the coaching session that is already reserved for you:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
There are really two main ways in which we can interact with our inner voice:
We can become caught up in our inner voice, blindly obeying it without any awareness. This will tend to look like what we call ‘The Monkey Mind’, when the thoughts and ideas just bounce around your mind like a monkey jumping around a room.
Or we can become very aware of the inner voice (aka our thoughts and storytelling mind), but treat it with fear and apprehension. This opens us to many maladaptive coping mechanisms like addiction and other harmful ways of living.
But there is another way.
We can bring a non-judging awareness and acceptance of these thoughts and allow ourselves to dis-identify with them.
When we do this, we can examine our thoughts, our inner voice, without the emotions that prevent us from seeing it clearly.
In today’s episode, I talk about this and also how to develop this non-judging awareness of our inner voice:
If any of this episode resonates with you, I want you to know that you don’t have to live with the pain and suffering you may be experiencing.
The journey out of this pain can seem difficult, but unlike the suffering you’re currently experiencing, working your way out of it is a temporary difficulty.
If you’d like to learn how I, as a coach who has helped many people before, can help you, I invite you to claim your free coaching session with me.
Just click this link to start a journey that could save your life:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As I mentioned the other day, we all have this inner voice; this mental chatter going on all the time.
It’s not a ‘voice’ that you necessarily ‘hear’ in your head, but instead, you can think of it as the way you think.
This inner voice can either be supportive, or harsh and doubtful…
It can be kind and loving, or cruel and mean…
It can look for solutions, or place blame…
But how did it all begin?
In today’s episode, I talk about the origins of your self-talk residing in the programming of your early childhood:
I also talk about how all our relationships, occupations, and hobbies become both the expression of this programming and a force that solidifies and deepens this programming.
Of course, I also talk about solutions!
If you have any questions about this topic, I encourage you to click the link below to claim the free coaching session that already belongs to you:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
We all have mental chatter running in our minds from the time we are very young until the end of our lives.
This inner voice, if you will, can be optimistic or pessimistic…
It can be supportive or blaming…
Kind and compassionate or mean and cruel…
Whatever quality our particular inner voice possesses will determine the kind of actions we take in our lives.
A supportive inner voice makes you take a chance on something, while a blaming inner voice will make you talk yourself out of even trying.
But here’s the thing: even if your inner voice is filled with pessimism and negativity, you always have the choice to take the action that suits and benefits you at any given moment.
The key lies in hearing this voice with non-judging and curious awareness.
In today’s episode, I talk about this (along with a personal example to help illustrate the point:
I mentioned above that you always have the choice to take a certain action to suit you, but you also always have the power to change this inner voice, too.
You can, with some very simple practice, develop an inner voice that is a cheerleader instead of a drill sergeant.
(And abundant research data in the field of self-compassion show us that we’re far better off with the cheerleader, rather than the sergeant!)
If you’d like to learn a very simple and easy practice that will enable you to do just this, please click this link to claim your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
“A peaceful mind is a powerful mind.”
This was a delightful and meditative message printed on my teabag a few days ago and it resonated so loudly with me.
So I use today’s episode to explore this concept and how it aligns with so many concepts of mindfulness and compassion:
If you have any questions about any of this or would like to learn some of the simple practices to make your mind more peaceful and, in turn, more powerful, I invite you to claim your free coaching session here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Last week, I talked about the value of understanding the people and circumstances around us.
I explained how understanding is synonymous with love.
But today, I want to talk about a different kind of understanding.
This understanding is the ability to see how our mind and body work together.
In today’s episode, I explain all of this thoroughly and deeply:
And, perhaps most importantly, I explain in today’s episode how this understanding of the process of our mind, leads to the understanding of how our inner dialogue impacts everything and can mean the difference between failure and success in every area of our lives!
If you’d like to learn more and to see how a coach might help you reach your dreams, click this link to claim your free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I used to wake up almost every morning with the same feeling.
Always run down and tired from all the busyness and stress I was experiencing; always exhausted from overthinking everything, I would wake up with a feeling of dread.
I dreaded the low energy of the day…
I dreaded how difficult it would be…
Even before I got out of bed, on many mornings I would long to just fast forward to the moment when I was right back under the covers and going to sleep for the night.
This led to an endless cycle of feeling that I just needed to ‘get through’ the day.
The result was decades of just trying to survive the day.
And in today’s episode, I talk about how damaging this was to me and how I often think about what I might have missed along the way:
The remedy for all this is very simple: curiosity.
Curiosity opens us up to potentials that judgment closes down.
Curiosity reduces or eliminates the fear that leads to damaging stress.
Curiosity allows us to take an honest look at ourselves.
If any of this email or today’s episode resonates with you, it is possible that you are in a similar place to where I was many years ago.
And if this is true for you, I beg you to click this link and set up an obligation-free coaching session with me (It very well could change your life!):
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
After taking almost two full days off for the first time in nearly three years, I learned a lot about the importance of idle time.
It got me thinking about a client who hesitates to take time off, even as she is overworked at her demanding job, for fear that some emergency might arise for which she will need the time.
In today’s episode, I talk about how this kind of hoarding - whether time, materials, or money - can be a sign that one is operating from a place of fear:
If you feel like you’re operating from a place of fear and would like to understand why and make some adjustments that will help you optimize yourself for success and well being, please claim your free coaching session right here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In many episodes, I mention the value of understanding and recognizing our negative triggers: those common words, actions, or circumstances that trigger our emotions and/or our stress response.
But this, of course, only represents half of the picture!
What about the positive triggers?
In today’s episode, I talk about the value of positive triggers, when we can use them, and how to weave them into our mindfulness practice:
I also make an exciting announcement concerning some regular days off I’ll be taking, starting this week.
So I’ll see you on Wednesday-Sunday from now on!!!
If you have any questions about any of this or anything else that’s on your mind, I invite you to claim your free coaching session right here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh talks about planting lettuce.
If we plant lettuce and it doesn’t grow, we don’t blame the lettuce and yell at it, expecting some change to occur.
If our lettuce won’t grow, we try to understand why.
We check how much light, water, and fertilizer the lettuce receives and determine, with our understanding, whether an adjustment will help the lettuce grow.
But when we encounter circumstances and people in our daily lives who don’t treat us the way we think we should be treated, we tend to do the opposite that we’d do with the lettuce.
We place blame and allow our anger and resentment to spring forth.
We don’t try to understand how this person may be lacking some essential nourishment that has resulted in the undesired behavior.
In today’s episode, I take a deep dive into this topic and offer other examples and some ideas on how to cultivate more understanding:
But as I also mention today, we can (but often don’t) apply this same logic to our inner selves.
That is, we can prioritize the understanding of our inner nature, which is a form of love.
And when we take this approach, we can see that, just like the lettuce, we may be missing some nourishment and that this is the root of this aspect of ourselves that makes us suffer.
When we do this, it becomes very simple to just give ourselves the care and nourishment that will alleviate our suffering.
And this is what my upcoming course, Anger, Transformed, is all about. It’s about reframing our approach and our relationship to our difficult emotions so we can enter into a loving and understanding relationship to them.
If you’re interested in joining this program, you can sign up here:
https://artburnscoaching.activehosted.com/f/7
If you have questions, please email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
Also, you are cordially invited to join our donation-based meditation and discussion group tomorrow, Saturday, at 9:00 am MST. Here is the link to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsycchbdc/
And finally, if you’d like to talk about anything else; if you’d like to ask me a question or make any kind of request, I invite you to click this link and schedule your no-cost coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Anything we can possibly learn, we learn in two distinct and specific ways that actually use completely different circuits of the brain.
First, we learn through knowledge.
This would be the guitar teacher showing you how to make a basic chord.
But that knowledge doesn’t mean that you can actually play that chord.
In order to get to that point, of actually playing the guitar chord, we need to apply the other kind of learning.
This learning is only achieved through repetitious experience.
You might refer to this repetitious experience with a simple and common word: Practice.
But as is true with everything from learning guitar to learning golf, you’re going to learn far more efficaciously when you can practice in a way that is loose, curious, and fun.
And in today’s episode, I talk about how to do this with your meditation and mindfulness practices:
Of course, this is counterintuitive for most people.
Through deep and long standing habits we picked up from result-minded teachers and coaches of our childhood, most of us have a sense that learning and practicing need to be serious and hard in order to be effective.
And that’s where having a coach to help you along can be vital to your success in developing mindfulness in your life.
For that reason, I offer a no-cost (that means free!) coaching session so you can see how helpful it can be.
To book your no-cost coaching session, just click this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In this podcast, I talk often about the need to see the emotions as they arise.
However, in the face of Anger, or any big emotion that hijacks our day, it is always beneficial to understand the emotion and what triggers it.
When we learn to recognize the triggers that cause these big emotions, not only can we see them coming more effectively, but we can also adjust our relationship to the triggers themselves.
This is the key to living life on your terms and not on the terms of your emotions.
And in today’s episode, I go deeply into this topic:
If you’d like to talk about this some more and find out about some tools and techniques you can use to manage these big emotions, I invite you to a no-cost coaching session with me. Just click this link to schedule:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to join the upcoming course that will be all about this process of redefining your relationship to your big emotions, click here to register:
https://artburnscoaching.activehosted.com/f/7
And to join us for our weekly mid-week mindfulness meeting, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycchbzb/
Ram Dass — ‘If you think you are enlightened; go home for Thanksgiving.’
I love this quote as much for its wonderful humor as for its wisdom and brilliance.
Because of the historical subcontext within which many people in our lives hold us, as we change through the practice of Mindfulness and Compassion exercises, those around us don’t always see our change and, when they treat us as ‘the same old us’, it can be triggering.
Like majorly triggering!
In today’s episode, I describe this phenomenon as a series of concentric rings that represent the depth and longevity of our personal relationships:
As you move through this journey to the well-being and happiness that will help you thrive in your life, having someone close to you, who knows the work you’re doing, can be very helpful.
Whether a dharma (Meditation) center, a friend or two, a spouse, or even a coach; having someone in your life who can reflect the practice and its impact is key to your success in making the changes you’re trying to make.
So if you’re curious as to what meeting with a coach is like - and it’s probably not what you think it is! - here is a chance to experience a coaching session for free.
Just click this link to book a day and time on my calendar:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Lastly, if you’re wondering what a meditation center is like, you can try an online version of one right from your phone or computer.
On Wednesday evenings, at 7:00 pm MST, I host a group session that you can join for free or donation. Just click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycchbzb/
At the heart of the work I do in mindfulness and compassion is the concept of non-judging awareness.
And this concept of non-judging awareness is at the heart of how we handle adversity and personal failure.
As children, most of us are taught that failure is ‘bad’.
And we carry that understanding of failure through our entire lives.
What happens when we judge failure in this way is that we see failure as a personal shortcoming; we identify with our failure so much that we become overwhelmed with shame and guilt and we wind up running from the failure as fast as we can.
The danger in this is that we never learn from our failures, which is what failure is there for!
If we did this as young children, we would never have learned to walk, eat, ride a bike, or any number of skills we currently take for granted.
But each of these skills required some level of failure!
In today’s episode, I tell a personal story that has unfolded over the past few weeks and contains some important lessons.
If you have any questions about this topic or would like to chat with a coach about anything else that’s alive in your mind, you have access to a no-cost phone session with me. Just click this link and follow the prompts:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As you deepen your awareness of your body, emotions, and thoughts, you come to an important realization, as it relates to Anger: It is rooted very deeply in our ‘programming.’
On first glance, this might seem like bad news, but it’s not!
In fact, it’s really awesome news!!!
Seeing the roots of our emotions in this way can free us from the sense that it’s all somehow our own fault.
That our Anger is a kind of flaw.
Seeing the roots of our Anger in this way allows us to embrace Anger as this very helpful friend who’s been with us all these years, helping to protect us from danger and trouble.
And when we can see it all in this way, we feel, perhaps for the first time ever, that we can actually love and appreciate this emotion that seems to get the better of us more often than not.
The process I’ve just described is the integration of your anger.
And it’s really beneficial to your well-being and many areas of your life.
In today’s episode, I talk about this in detail:
As you may know, I am hosting a free webinar on Sunday evening that will take a deep dive into this topic and provide some actionable steps you can take immediately to start the process of integration and regulation of your Anger and Rage. It’s totally free, live, and interactive, so bring your questions with you!!!
To register for the Anger, Transformed webinar that happens this Sunday, May 16th, at 6:00 pm MST, click this link:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/copy-of-how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation
(Google: What time is 6:00 pm MST? To get your local time!)
I also have another free resource for you, in the form of a wonderful community of people who get together on Saturday mornings, and/or Wednesday evenings for a little guided meditation and open, educational discussion. Click this link for all the info you need, and to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsycchbtb/
And finally, yet another free resource! If you have any questions or would like to discuss anything with me as a coach, I offer you a no-cost coaching session! Many people have gotten wonderful benefits from this session and I would love for you to do the same!
Click here to claim your session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
One of the most profound realizations I came to in my own mindfulness journey is how hard it is to even remember what life used to feel like.
And it’s even more impactful when I consider how, back in those days, I never could have imagined any other way to live.
But Anger is like that.
Anger makes us see things inaccurately.
And Anger takes away our outbound filter.
The result? It’s a life that feels like mayhem 24/7 with no way out.
In today’s episode, I describe the way out, as illustrated through a couple of stories:
If you struggle with anger and rage and you feel like there is no way to live differently, I want so badly to speak with you!!!
Because I’m here to tell you that there is a way out! And it’s a lot easier and more simple than you probably imagine.
And you can find out all about it this Sunday, May 16th, at 6:00 pm MST, in the Anger, Transformed webinar.
Because it’s not about stuffing your anger into a box where it will be safe.
It’s not about ignoring or running away from your anger.
It’s about integrating your anger in a healthy and beneficial way.
And I’m going to tell you all about it this Sunday at 6:00 pm!
So click this link to register for this free and valuable opportunity:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation
And if you have questions; or if you’d like to discuss anything else, I invite you to click here to register for this free event:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Even if you haven’t read the book, you’ve probably heard and seen references to the dystopian world of a bunch of kids who were stranded on an island with no adults.
The book is called Lord of the Flies and it has stood for a half century as a realistic view of the inherent greed, ambition, and violence we all possess as Human Beings.
In today’s episode, I relay a story of six real kids who found themselves on such an island, stranded for 15 months, but things turned out much differently:
This story confirms what neuroscientists have been telling us for the past 25 years: that we, as Humans, are wired for empathy, compassion, and kindness.
Of course, I also talk in today’s episode, about how the Author of Lord of the Flies, William Golding, struggled with much emotional overwhelm, including that which arises from chronic anger.
This, to me, illustrates how anger influences our world view and distorts our ability to see things - external and internal things - clearly.
If you’d like to learn more about anger: how it happens, where it comes from, and what it does to your body, I invite you to check out this free webinar on Sunday evening:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation
And if you’d like to learn more about all of this work, ask any questions you might have, and possibly learn about what 1:1 coaching is like, click here to schedule your no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
One of the most common aspects of life for those of us who struggle with chronic anger is the feeling that we must control the circumstances around us.
We do this because we know that if we don’t people and situations will piss us off. Am I right?
But here’s the thing: We can’t control the people and circumstances around us. Not really, we can’t. And when we lose control, we get angry.
And when we get angry, we lose control even more.
Can you see how this can spiral out of control?
Have you experienced this before?
I know I have!
And in today’s episode I share another personal story about it:
https://youtu.be/qKz8kcRHCz0
If this story - or any of the other content I’ve published recently - resonates with you and your life experience, you might find a lot of benefit and value in the upcoming webinar I’m hosting (This Sunday, May 16th @ 6:00 pm MST):
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation
But maybe you have a more focused question about all of this, or would like to know more about my 1:1 coaching service. If this is so, please click here to book a free coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
One of the most common sources of emotional struggle, like chronic Anger, lies in our relationship to our emotions.
Most of the time, we experience an emotion and we automatically react to it.
Because of the nature and behavior of our emotions, this is not an effective approach.
You see, when we feel beholden to react to big emotions like Anger, we don’t examine or contemplate the potential consequences to our reactions and this invariably sets up a cycle.
We react to an emotion…
That reaction carries a consequence from another person or from life circumstances (You drive fast in reaction to your anger and you get pulled over by a cop)...
This consequence causes another big emotion…
Another reaction…
Another consequence…
I think you can see where this leads.
In today’s episode, I offer another approach:
If you would like to go even deeper on this topic and learn many more techniques for working with your big emotions, I invite you to sign up for my free webinar next Sunday, May 16th, at 6:00 pm MST (8 Eastern, 5 Pacific):
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation
And if you’d like to learn more about all of this work, ask any questions you might have, and possibly learn about what 1:1 coaching is like, click here to schedule your no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
One of the most effective tools we have to process and resolve anger in our bodies is acceptance.
Let me explain what I mean.
If I get stuck in traffic while on my way to pick up my young child from school, it is certainly a problem - and possibly a serious one!
And in that moment, I have two choices:
I can resent the traffic and fear the consequences, allowing myself to lose control and succumb to the stress and anger arising in me and ultimately hijacking my nervous system…
Or, I can accept that there is nothing I can do to change the traffic and remain calm in the face of this potentially serious inconvenience.
Whichever course I choose, the traffic doesn’t change and I am still late.
But what does change - significantly - is who I will be when I show up to pick up my young child who is probably experiencing apprehension and fear because I’m not there for her.
So in the first scenario, I show up in all my anger and stress and I exacerbate her fear.
But in the second scenario, I show up in calm confidence and I allay her fear.
In today’s episode, I talk at length about this and how valuable it is to be able to accept the circumstances around us - at least for right now:
And if you’re interested in joining my online, interactive workshop next Sunday, May 16th, then please click this link to learn more and claim your spot:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation?test=true
Also, tomorrow morning, I will be the substitute teacher in our Learning to Surf group meditation and discussion. So if you’re interested, I’d love to see you there. Click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsycchblb/
Finally, if you have any questions at all about my upcoming webinar, program, or anything at all that you’d like to ask or share, I invite you to click this link to schedule a no-cost phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
One of the more frustrating and damaging aspects of anger is the way it changes our perception both internally and externally.
In other words, Anger gets us coming and going!
In today’s episode, I talk about how this works and how it can set up a negative feedback loop:
https://youtu.be/KdKIZtftmOc
The good news is that we have the power to transform that negative feedback loop; that vicious cycle, into a positive, virtuous cycle.
But there is only one way to do this.
And it has nothing at all to do with the behavior of those around you.
It begins and ends with the work you can do on yourself.
And there’s even better news!!!
Next Sunday, I’ll be hosting a free online workshop that will go deep into this and many other important aspects of anger.
During this workshop, you’ll have the chance to sign up for my upcoming 12 week program: Anger, Transformed.
To sign up for the free workshop next Sunday (May 16th), click here:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation?test=true
If you have any questions about this, or if you’d like to talk about something else, click here to schedule your no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Many people - myself included - tend to conflate Anger and Rage, resulting in an important misunderstanding and confusion that can hinder our well-being and ability to be functional in this world.
Where Anger and Rage are similar is in that they are both emotions.
And as emotions, Anger and Rage serve specific and valuable purposes in our bodies and minds.
As emotions, Anger and Rage are also impermanent.
But where Anger and Rage differ is an important thing to understand.
In today’s episode, I go deep into this topic:
https://youtu.be/7V7l-ucSpO8
The main benefit of understanding both the similarities and the differences between these two powerful emotions is that understanding helps us to properly relate to these powerful emotions.
And, as I’ll show everyone who attends my free webinar next Sunday (5/16), learning to properly relate to these emotions is the most effective way to regulate and transform them into something less damaging and more productive than most people experience.
To sign up for the free webinar, just click here (there’s a simple form at the bottom of the page):
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation?test=true
And if you’d like to chat with me about these topics or anything else that’s on your mind, I invite you to click here to schedule a free phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Finally, if you’re seeing this email early enough, you can join me and a wonderful group of people this evening for a guided meditation, followed by an open discussion. Click here to register and receive the link to join our meeting tonight:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycchbhb/
If you’ve ever survived a fit of rage or extreme anger - they’re not actually the same, which I’ll talk about in tomorrow’s episode - you know the feeling.
That feeling you have after the episode is over.
You feel your body calming back down and there’s a tingling, almost euphoric feeling you get in your body.
For those of us with chronic anger issues, this feeling is as good as we ever get to feel!
The feeling comes from the release of various happy hormones in our brains and it happens as a result of the release of the anger through expression.
And it becomes addictive!
Another experience that offers us a similar release of happy hormones after hyperarousal is a crisis.
In today’s episode, I go into some detail about how all this works in our bodies:
If you struggle with chronic anger and rage; or if you feel that you might be addicted to crisis, you’re gonna want to know about my upcoming course: Anger Transformed.
On Sunday, April 16th, I’ll be hosting a live online workshop. It’s totally free, and you can be among the first to sign up by clicking here:
https://artburnscoaching.ac-page.com/how-to-transform-anger-into-motivation?test=true
If you have questions about the upcoming program, webinar, or anything else, I invite you to schedule a no-cost phone consultation by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
You may have heard me mention another resource in my recordings: a weekly group meditation and discussion I host on meetup every Wednesday evening at 7:00 pm MST. It’s offered by donation, and if you’d like to join us tomorrow, please click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycchbhb/
Many of our emotional reactions, but anger especially, are influenced more by our internal circumstances than by our external experiences.
This explains the extreme difference in my reaction to the two different retail experiences - the pet store and the polo store - I shared last week.
The thing is that we can’t control the kid at the cash register, or the line of people in a store, or the weather, or the pandemic.
And if we try to control all of those external circumstances, we set ourselves up for even bigger issues - more on this another time!
One of the aspects of our internal circumstances over which we have complete control is our expectations.
Yet our expectations are something we almost never actually control! (But again, that’s a story for another time!)
In today’s episode, I talk about expectations and how they can lead to the anger and rage that will hijack our day and ruin our chances of happiness either alone or with our families:
As I mention in the video, the key is to first see the expectations and then to recognize our reaction when our expectations go unmet.
And I can teach you how to do this!
If you’d like to learn about the new program I’m launching in about three weeks - Anger, Transformed - or to talk immediately about the danger of unmanaged expectations, please click this link to schedule your no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to take advantage of another valuable resource, please join me on Wednesday evening for a guided meditation, followed by a discussion which is essentially a group coaching session, click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsycchbhb/
Finally, if you’re interested in supporting this work, please consider becoming a patron of the show by clicking here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
I am getting so excited about the course I’m offering in a few weeks from now: Anger, Transformed!!!
I’m excited to help people to understand, befriend, and transform the powerful emotion of Anger that has a way of interfering with our lives and our happiness.
One of the concepts we’ll be covering is the way kindness and compassion are very effective antidotes to Anger and its sources.
But what happens when compassion and kindness are refuted or ignored and someone does something to hurt us in spite of the kindness we showed them?
Well, in this case, I would invite you to consider the Apple Tree.
In today’s episode, I talk about the Apple Tree’s intention and how it is never concerned with the outcome of its fruit:
This is a crucial lesson in Anger Transformation and one we will cover in great depth in the upcoming 12-week course: Anger, Transformed.
But if you have any immediate questions about this metaphor or any other topics that influence anger - or to find out more about the course itself - I invite you to click this link and schedule your no-cost phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As you’ve heard by now, I’m offering a new 12-week program called Anger, Transformed, that will start in a few weeks from now.
If you’re interested in learning more, there’s a link below with which you can book a free phone consultation with me to explore whether this program might be right for you.
Why am I focusing on the emotion of Anger?
Well, for one thing, I suffered from Anger for many years and I know first hand how it can take over one’s life and damage one’s health and relationships.
In today’s episode, I tell a story about how Anger is essentially the manifestation of Hell:
And I also talk about how Anger creates a very dangerous form of Delusion, one of the three negative mental states that will keep us mired in negative emotions.
Perhaps most importantly, in today’s episode I talk about how Anger, like stress, becomes a kind of habit through overuse.
This habit makes semi-permanent the delusion caused by Anger and makes Anger more automatic.
If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to click this link so I can tell you more about this program and how it can help you:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I’m still reeling a bit from that story I told you yesterday! Oh my goodness!!!
And, of course, that is just one of so many different stories I have that are almost exactly like that one:
I feel slighted, I get tense and feel stress in my body, and I lash out at someone, saying things that embarrass me tremendously, then I spend days in shame and guilt.
Then, as I am trying to resolve all of this guilt and regret, life shows up and triggers me again and renews the cycle.
In today’s episode, I talk about this aspect of anger and how the cycle perpetuates itself:
https://youtu.be/OuVPQXoS9kE
Worse yet, though, is that many times the person experiencing the anger doesn’t even realize they are angry!
This is how it was for me…
I thought everyone else was just behaving in a way that left no other option besides anger!
Is this true for you?
Is it true for someone you love?
Maybe you’re not sure?
Well, this would be a great reason to book a free call with me so I can help you figure it out and then transform your anger into something genuinely useful for you.
Click here to book such a call:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As I gear up for my new course - Anger, Transformed - that launches in a couple of weeks, I will be talking a lot about anger here in this space.
One common characteristic of anger is loss of control.
We lose control, physically, when we experience rage, but anger itself takes away some of our control in the form of poor judgment and assessment of our actions.
In other words, anger tends to trick us into thinking our words and actions are socially acceptable, even when they’re not.
In today’s episode, I tell a raw and difficult story in two parts: part one is from about 10 years ago, and part two is from just a couple weeks ago. (Somewhere around the 20:00 mark, I actually cry a bit remembering the old story):
If you find yourself saying and doing things that shock or shame you…
If you’re having a hard time holding things together…
If you spend your time thinking about things people have done to you…
If you feel like you never have enough time for anything…
If any of these resonate with you, there’s a very good chance you suffer from chronic anger and I invite you to click this link to schedule a no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you google the word ‘Anger’, you will see a cascade of websites, blog posts, and articles fill your screen.
A very high percentage of these results will surely include the term ‘Anger Management.’
Of course, anyone who has experienced uncontrolled anger in their lives knows that there is a huge value in learning to manage this tumultuous emotion.
But I say that trying to manage anger, once it’s reached, or even approached, the level of rage is nearly impossible.
So not only will this nearly impossible task be out of reach for most people, the question becomes: what happens when we fail to manage our anger?
Of course, one thing that happens is that the anger just continues to grow and evolve toward rage, which carries all kinds of dire consequences.
But another, more insidious thing that happens is that we feel shame that we weren’t able to manage this emotion.
I probably don’t have to tell you that the shame we’ve now introduced will eventually become more anger and hurry us toward that point of rage.
In today’s episode, I talk about how we can transform the way we see and relate to our own anger:
And of course, this tool will work on any and all of the emotions we experience!
If you have any questions about today’s topic; or if you have any questions about my upcoming program: Anger, Transformed, please either email me back or click on this link to book your no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
As I prepare to launch my new course, Anger, Transformed, in a couple of weeks, I’m having a great time nerding out on the research about anger, how it works, what causes it, and what it does to our bodies.
It’s truly fascinating stuff!
And, unsurprisingly, I see tons of similarities between stress and anger.
One really interesting similarity between stress and anger is how many people experience these chronic states and don’t even know it.
Even though they don’t see their anger, people see the results or effects of their anger…
They see the holes in the walls of their home…
They see the troubled relationships all around them…
They see the insomnia…
Of course, the first step in transforming anger is to recognize the anger, which is one of the things I’m most excited about helping people to do!
Because once I help them acknowledge and recognize their anger, I can help them transform the anger into something much more productive and healthy.
But again, transform anger to what?
In today’s episode, I explain this in fairly deep detail:
If you’re interested in finding out more about my upcoming program: Anger, Transformed, please reach out with a reply to this email or click this link to schedule a no-cost phone consultation/coaching session:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re free tomorrow morning, please join us for a guided meditation and discussion. Register here, if you’d like:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccgbgc/
Finally, if you’re interested in becoming a supporter of my show, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
As I work with people from all walks of life, one question I get a lot is: “But how do I let go?”
And it’s a tricky question!
Tricky because in some ways, letting go is the most effortless - and therefore, easiest - thing we can ever do!
But in today’s episode, I talk about why this super easy and effortless act can be so difficult it seems impossible:
As I explain in the episode, just like with anything we’re trying to learn, it’s always best and most effective to start small and slow.
So practice letting go and accepting in the grocery store when they’re out of your favorite cereal…
Practice when you have to stand on the train during your morning commute…
Practice when you wake up to a rainy day when you want it to be sunny…
And, of course, practice in meditation every morning!
When we practice on the small stuff, we build the skill to be able to let go of the bigger stuff when we need to!
If you have any questions about any of this, or about my new program: Anger, Transformed, please click this link to schedule your no-cost phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to support my work on the Showing up to Your Life program, here’s your link:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Finally, if there is a certain topic I’ve covered that you would like more information about, or to suggest a new topic for a future episode, please reply to this email and let me know!!!
Most of the time, we don’t ‘see’ our anger until it’s in that blind rage level that hijacks our day.
In fact, many people never really ‘see’ their anger at all!
They see the troubled relationships…
They see the poor work performance…
They see the damage done to the walls of their homes or the bumpers of their cars…
But they don’t necessarily see the anger itself.
And that’s not a mistake!
That’s how anger is.
It’s like an operating system: It’s just the way life works.
And because of this, most people who struggle with anger - like I used to! - don’t believe there is any other way to live.
In today’s episode, I share another personal story of something that used to anger me tremendously but bothers me not at all anymore:
Just like yesterday’s story, I share this to let you know that there is another way!
If I can do it, anyone can do it!!!!
And to help you, I am going to launch a new program about transforming anger into more productive and healthy emotions.
It starts in about 3 weeks from now, but if you’d like some more information about it, please click here to schedule a no-cost phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
During this call, I will give you a specific practice you can start doing that will begin your transformation right away!
You are also welcome to reply to this email with any questions you might have!
As I’ve talked about so many times, the practice of mindfulness and compassion, as I teach here on the podcast and in my private coaching practice, offer amazing, real world benefits.
People use mindfulness to improve everything from their golf game to their sales numbers.
From household budgeting, to healthy eating and weight loss.
From relationship repair to stress reduction.
The list literally goes on forever.
But just like the awareness itself, in almost every instance there is much more beneath the surface.
Like iceberg proportions!!!
In today’s episode, I talk about the value of self regulation in anything we do in our lives and how self regulation is made possible by the practice and understanding of impermanence and non-identification:
I also share with you one of my favorite practices: the pause.
I also mentioned the next two programs I’m launching in the next couple of weeks:
Transforming Anger - how to understand your anger and transform it to useful and loving motivation.
Head Game - Mindfulness for the golfer who wants to shave strokes off their score.
So if you or someone you know struggles with Anger or Golf (Or both!), please click here to book a no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in a new podcast to listen to, this is a great one:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
Finally, if you’d like to support the work I do, please click here to become a Patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
When people talk about the benefit of mindfulness practices, they usually mention any number of amazing benefits:
You hear about stress reduction…
Or about better sleep…
Or better work performance…
I mean, you will even hear about the benefits mindfulness practices have on one’s spiritual practices…
I’ve heard every one of these and many more!
But the benefit of mindfulness practices you don’t hear about too often is the benefit of meta-awareness.
Meta-awareness is just a way to describe the awareness of awareness.
And it is a crucial skill that most people never master.
But those who do master it, understand quickly how important it is!!!
In today’s episode, I share a personal story from my childhood that helps to illustrate the lack of meta awareness most of us have:
Best of all?
This skill of meta awareness is so simple and easy to cultivate!
In fact, it arises automatically and directly from the simple formal and informal practices of meditation and mindfulness.
If you’re ready to start; or if you have any questions, please click this link to schedule your no-cost/no-obligation phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to become a patron of my work, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
The first thing I want to point out today - and this is super important - is that your tendencies towards whatever emotional reactivity you experience is not your fault.
The same applies to your worrying mind.
It’s not your fault.
Just like the rest of the programming, we undergo through those first seven or so years of our life, the worrying and emotional reactivity are learned responses over which you have had little or no control throughout your life.
Yes, you have personal agency and free will.
So, in a sense, you could say that whether or not you choose to use the knowledge and tools to change these aspects of your personality from this point forward is on you.
But before you learned about any of this, none of it was your fault.
In today’s episode, I talk about this in depth and also about why we worry:
In today’s video I also talk about a new program I’m set to launch in 2-3 weeks from now. If you have any questions about that, or if you’d like to discuss the practice at the end of today’s video (or to ask any question you might have, including a request for me to cover a specific topic), click here to book a no-cost, no-obligation phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
If you’d like to join us tomorrow morning for a sweet guided meditation and compelling discussion, click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccgbwb/
And if you’d like to become a patron of my work, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, it was not a very pleasant day for me.
The night before, I’d been triggered by something that happened between my Wife and me.
In the past, I’d have canceled all my appointments, skipped the podcast, and probably spent the day lying around watching TV.
But because of the practices I share with you here every day, not only was I able to manage my workday and serve the people who were counting on me, I was also very importantly able to grow through the experience.
This growth includes not only seeing the source of the trigger but also connecting the dots and seeing from where in my shadow much of this experience came.
This is one way to integrate the shadow and overcome its control over me!
Anyway, I share the whole story in today’s episode:
If you’d like to talk about your personal triggers and the difficulty they present, please click this link to schedule your no-cost phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Everything we experience, we experience within our own nervous system.
The most simple example of this is to simply look at the nearest plant.
As you look at the plant, you see green leaves with perhaps some flowers.
But those leaves are not necessarily green!
They appear green to you and me, simply by virtue of the capability of our own sensory organs and nervous systems, which limit the spectrum of light we can perceive.
A dog would see shades of grey while a bumblebee sees electric glowing colors, while we see green.
Same plant. Same light source. Completely different experiences.
All because of our own biological makeup.
In today’s episode, I talk about how our nervous system ‘memory’ impacts us, emotionally, in the here and now:
If you would like to discuss this, or any other topic; or to find out how to perform simple and straightforward practices to develop the skills I talk about in these episodes, click here to schedule your no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” -CG Jung
As we grow up, we construct our moral compass around how we see those whom we look up to interacting with the world.
For instance, my awesome older cousin was cool and collected and moved with steady confidence.
So the jittery energy I felt in my body, the opposite of the coolness my cousin embodied, was something to be expelled and avoided at all costs!
And so for many years, this other side of me was kept in the dark… What Carl Jung called the shadow.
For most of my life, this created a fate-like power over me in ways I describe in today’s episode:
And it was only when I was able to integrate this unconscious shadow into my conscious mind that I could become the fullest and truest version of myself. (A version that is my absolute favorite version, by the way!)
While many people turn to therapy to uncover this shadow within them, we can also uncover and integrate this shadow through the practice of mindfulness.
With presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, we can make the unconscious conscious and break free from what we believe to be our own fate.
But just as therapy is done with a caring and trained professional who will ensure that the process is safe and beneficial, working with a teacher or a coach in your development of mindfulness is strongly encouraged.
If you’d like to attend a no-cost, 45-minute coaching session with me to see if we’d be a good fit, you can schedule it here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to support my work on the Showing up to Your Life program, here’s your link:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Anytime we can operate from a place of our authentic self, we operate from the most optimized and capable place within us.
The challenge becomes finding and connecting to this authentic self, what I like to call my Art-Ness.
In today’s episode, I talk about how I lost sight of my Art-Ness through a childhood that was influenced by those people around me and their behavior:
Of course, I also cover in today’s episode not only the ‘why’ for finding our authenticity, but perhaps more importantly, the ‘How’.
The good news is that the method for reaching and connecting to your authentic self includes the same practices I talk about here all the time.
It’s about cultivating a deep awareness of ourselves that is Present, Accepting, Compassionate, and Curious.
If you’d like to learn how to apply the practices in this way, or to talk about your Ness, or anything else, I invite you to click this link to schedule a friendly, no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to support my work on the Showing up to Your Life program, here’s your link:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Whenever we experience anything at all, we experience it in four specific ways:
In our body, in the form of physical sensation…
In our emotions…
In our thoughts…
And we experience things in our nervous system.
This last one has a lot to do with the patterns and tendencies that arise from the programming that happens in our early childhood.
In today’s episode, I walk through a traditional practice called RAIN:
The acronym RAIN stands for Recognition, Acceptance, Investigation, and Non-Identification, and is in some ways a model for mindfulness applied to our moment-to-moment existence.
You can practice RAIN intentionally, when something is ‘cooking’ in your life.
And if you do practice it intentionally, it will eventually become a natural and automatic response for all the experiences of your life.
If you have any questions about the RAIN practice, or would like to reach out for assistance in any other practice, (Or just chat about whatever!) you can book a no-cost phone consultation with me by clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in joining our 6-Week Introduction to Mindfulness course, you can register for the encore performance of the first class, this Saturday morning, here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/277391358/
To join our Saturday get together, which includes a guided meditation and discussion, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccgbnb/
You can find the Learning to Surf podcast here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
And if you’d like to support my work on the Showing up to Your Life program, here’s your link:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
-Viktor Frankl
This quote is so important to me!!!
Back when I struggled with chronic stress, one of the strongest effects on me was the feeling that I never had enough time, no matter the circumstances.
Even when I was on vacation, I felt like I always had to rush through everything.
Back then, I saw life as just something that I needed to get through. Something I needed to survive.
When I discovered mindfulness practices, I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life and a lesson I share with each and every person I teach: I learned to pause.
And in cultivating the skill of the pause, everything slowed down and time actually seemed to expand!
And of course, I found the time for my own happiness and well being.
But this doesn’t mean that I never have to hurry or rush!
In today’s episode I talk about moving quickly with mindfulness:
If you would like to learn some simple techniques to cultivate the same happiness providing mindfulness that I have, click here to book a no cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in joining our 6-Week Introduction to Mindfulness course, you can register for the encore performance of the first class, this Saturday morning, here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/277391358/
To join our Saturday get together, which includes a guided meditation and discussion, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccgbnb/
You can find the Learning to Surf podcast here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
And if you’d like to support my work on the Showing up to Your Life program, here’s your link:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
For so long, my life was all about just making it through the day.
It was about survival.
I know I wasn’t the only one, but the trouble with that approach to life is that as we just strive to make it through the day, we eventually just try to make it through the years, and that turns into just making it through an entire lifetime.
But that’s not what this life is all about.
I feel lucky to have learned this about 10 years ago, when I began my journey that would lead to being the guy who creates podcast episodes every day about the wonderful benefits of dwelling in the present moment.
In today’s episode, I talk about how this new approach to life has allowed for some very healthy and wonderful hobbies in my life:
Do you have any hobbies in your life?
Would you like to start one or two?
If you do have hobbies, please reply to this email and tell me about them!
And if you don’t have hobbies in your life, but would like to create some, click this link to schedule a no-cost phone consultation with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
To join our group meditation and discussion this Wednesday, here’s your link:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsyccgbkb/
And to become a patron of my work and get some nifty perks, like recordings of the 6 week course plus a weekly meetup where I can personally answer your questions, click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
A few weeks ago, in the wake of the bombshell interview members of the British Royal Family gave to Oprah Winfrey, Piers Morgan stormed off the set in an angry rage in the middle of a live broadcast.
Now, most of the time this kind of headline or lead paragraph would be followed by words of ridicule and resentment.
But this is the Showing up to Life Podcast!!
And here we approach our topics with non-judging awareness and compassion!
In today’s episode, I talk about what happened to Piers Morgan:
But I also talk about how we are all Piers Morgan in some degree…
The guy you see yelling at a 22 year old barista? He’s Piers Morgan…
The mom you see in the supermarket, screaming at her child? She’s Piers Morgan, too…
And the person with the road rage? They’re Piers Morgan.
We all feel that anger and rage in our lives.
And we’ve all experienced the rage without regulation. So we know the damage that can happen as a result of dysregulation.
By living a life of presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, we can be the person who extends a helping hand to someone who’s losing it.
Doing so impacts the person who’s losing it, of course.
But it also impacts you and everyone who witnesses you being kind and compassionate.
And it’s good for all of us!
Are you interested in a no-cost phone chat to discuss this topic or any other topic you have in mind? If so, I invite you to use this link to schedule a time:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
To join our group meditation and discussion this Wednesday, here’s your link:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsyccgbkb/
And to become a patron of my work and get some nifty perks, like recordings of the 6 week course plus a weekly meetup where I can personally answer your questions, click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Over the weekend, in my Learning to Surf Meditation group, a discussion arose about the perils of chasing happiness.
And while I didn’t agree entirely that happiness is not something we should cultivate for its own benefits, I did see some value in being cautious about what is known as Toxic Positivity.
In today’s episode, I talk about the difference between toxic positivity - the avoidance of negative emotions - and the healthy drive towards happiness that is shared by all living beings:
In my opinion, the term that resolves this difference and confusion is: the conditions for happiness.
If we can look at it in this way, we acknowledge that we will have negative emotions that are helpful and necessary in a healthy human experience while keeping an eye on this innate drive to be happy and well.
So instead of trying to ‘be happy’, which could cause some shame in the face of any emotions besides happiness, perhaps we could say ‘work to create the conditions for happiness’ and release ourselves from this misplaced shame.
If you have any questions about this vital topic, please email me or consider booking a no-cost phone consultation by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to join my 6 Week Introduction to Mindfulness course that starts this evening, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/277036596/
To join our group meditation and discussion this Wednesday, here’s your link:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsyccgbkb/
And to become a patron of my work and get some nifty perks, like recordings of the 6 week course plus a weekly meetup where I can personally answer your questions, click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Wow! This might have been my favorite youtube/podcast week ever!!!
What an amazing topic we’ve covered this week: How to Cultivate Happiness!!!
In today’s episode, I go over a bunch of practices you can do, starting today, to help you cultivate all three levels of happiness we’ve discussed this week:
I know it’s a lot of information!
So if you have any questions at all; or if you simply want to chat about something else that’s on your mind, please click here to book a no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in joining a free group meditation and discussion tomorrow (Saturday) morning, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccgbfb/
And to become a patron of my show, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Today is the day!!!
The moment we’ve all been waiting for!!!
For the past two days we’ve talked about a lot of happiness and I hope you’ve enjoyed it.
In today’s episode I talk about the deepest, most sustainable level of happiness that comes from having a sense of purpose and meaning in your life:
But, as I explain in the video, the purpose and meaning don’t have to be some grandiose actions.
In fact, it’s even more effective to use the hundreds of micro-moments we have as opportunities to practice compassion, gratitude, and kindness every day.
If you have any questions about this episode, or would just like to chat generally, I invite you to book a no-cost phone consultation with me by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Also, if you’re interested in a guided meditation Saturday morning at 9:00 am MST, click here to register for a great one:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/gggcgsyccgbfb/
Finally, to support the work I do, click here to become a patron:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
As we dig deeper into our natural state of happiness, this second level really relies on flexibility.
This second level of happiness is based on a sense of stability and grounding in the world around us and the feeling that we are on pace with our goals and integrity.
But this doesn’t mean that only people who fulfill lifelong goals can be happy!
In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
This level of happiness is more about adjusting and redefining our goals as we make our way through life.
In today’s episode, I illustrate this through the story of an imaginary law student who realizes that the road to becoming the lawyer they’d always wanted to be comes with a price that is too high:
So it’s really more about adjusting the goals to match our lives.
You might be thinking that this means we should abandon our goals so we won’t find ourselves out of pace with them.
But nothing could be further from the truth!
Goals are very healthy.
It’s all about awareness of these goals and what they truly mean to us.
Like Plato and Socrates said: “An unexamined life is a life not worth living.”
If you have any questions about this topic, or about either of the two programs I mentioned in today’s episode, please click here to book a no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in joining our group meditation and discussion this evening, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsyccfbpc/
The latest Learning to Surf podcast can be found here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a Patron of my show, click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Happiness is a skill.
Does that statement surprise you?
I know I used to think it was the opposite: that happiness was a matter of circumstances aligning in a certain way. And they rarely aligned in that certain way for me!
But the reality is that happiness is a simple skill that can be cultivated, from the inside, through practice.
In today’s episode, I go into the first layer of happiness and how you can cultivate it:
https://youtu.be/HHS-ynqIMOo
But I also clearly state that negative emotions should never be denied, even as we work to cultivate positive emotions that will lead to our happiness.
If this is at all unclear to you, or if you’d like to learn more about a new program I’m about to launch, called How to be Happy for No Reason, then click here to book a no-cost phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to check out my new podcast, Learning to Surf, here it is:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
And if you’d like to become a patron and support my work, click here:
If you’re interested in becoming a patron of my work, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Most of the time, people come to the work of mindfulness, meditation, and compassion in order to address something in their life that needs ‘fixing’.
For some, it’s about excelling in business...
For others, it’s about managing anger and rage…
Or it's about being happy…
Or healing old wounds…
Or many, many other reasons!!!
But the thing is that this work doesn’t have to be about improving or fixing. (Even though healing and fixing happen through this work, for sure!)
Today, I share a personal story about how awareness alone - for no specific need or purpose - can open us to the richness and fullness of life as it happens around us.
I also talk in today’s video about two different courses I’m offering in the near future, on top of the coaching I currently offer. If you’re interested but maybe want to make sure you’re getting into the right one, consider booking a free phone consultation here so I can help:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Wow! We’ve covered a lot this week!
In today’s episode, I talk more about those ANTs and how recognizing them in the state of flow that comes from a playful and curious approach can help us to reframe some of the urgency we feel:
Remembering that the ANTs are happening without our consent or our participation allows us to step back and question the vivid and detailed stories our thoughts create.
This dis-identification of our thoughts - seeing them as phenomena of the body and not who we are - gives way to a deeper understanding of the urgency we put on many experiences.
More importantly, it allows us to discern between what is truly urgent and what is not.
If you’d like to learn more about these practices, or the two upcoming programs I mentioned in today’s episode, please click this link to schedule a complimentary coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Also, if you’re interested in a guided meditation tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 9:00 am MST, click here to register for a great one:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/sfjpfsyccfbrb/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron of this work, you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Of course, there are no actual insects running around your brain!
Have you ever heard of Automatic Negative Thoughts?
Each day, the average human has 65,000 +/- thoughts.
Each day contains 86,400 seconds.
So even spending one second per thought would render you completely out of time for anything else!
For this reason, the brain automates about 95% of those 65,000 thoughts that rush through your brain every day.
And depending on what is going on for you, emotionally, at any given moment, a sometimes vast majority of these automatic thoughts become negative as part of your innate survival mechanism.
In today’s episode, I go deep into the ANTs and how they work:
As I mentioned in the episode, if you or a loved one is struggling this week, in the wake of the violent events that have happened in our country, please reach out to me.
I have some practices that you can use immediately to help you cope with this difficulty and minimize the suffering you may be experiencing.
So feel free to email me at art@artburnscoaching.com.
Or, we could set up a time for a 45 minute chat that might help you in a much deeper way:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
So many times, when we look at our work or other important endeavors, we become tense and fearful from the seriousness of it all.
And this fear and tension get our minds to create stories that we believe.
As we believe these stories of the ‘worst-case-scenario’, the stress levels rise and we become less effective at whatever it is we’re trying to do!
In today’s episode, I talk about how we can employ simple curiosity to reverse all these negative impacts:
Curiosity is opening and exciting.
It is a basic form of mindfulness itself!
And when we bring curiosity in and embrace our experience through this open and exciting mind, so many of our feelings change as we let go of the stories that cause all the stress in our bodies.
I invite you to try it!
And if you need help, consider booking a free phone consultation with me by clicking here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
To register for tonight’s free guided meditation and discussion, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
If you’re interested in becoming a patron of my work, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
It is with heaviness in my heart that I record this episode about lightness of heart.
I know, that sounds really weird!
But in today’s episode I talk about how bringing a measure of playfulness into our mindfulness practice can be very helpful:
A lot of people come to mindfulness practice because of very serious issues in their lives.
For some, it’s health concerns…
For others, it’s family issues…
And for still others, it’s performance at work that they wish to improve through these practices.
Interestingly, it seems that the more ‘Serious’ someone is about these practices, the more difficulty they have incorporating the practices into their lives.
So I invite you, in dedication of the fragility of this impermanent human experience, to bring playfulness into your daily practice.
And once you are able to be playful in your practice, see if you become a bit more playful in your life.
Any time I bring up the concept of acceptance for the first time with someone, I am met with rolling eyes.
Most people believe that by accepting things the way they are, it means we can never improve our lives in any way.
And when we apply this concept to ourselves, well it seems outright ludicrous to most people!
But the truth is that it is only through acceptance - of our circumstances or of ourselves - that we can ever hope to change anything at all.
In today’s episode, I explain all this and more:
Ultimately, all we can ever control is ourselves.
And when we embrace this concept, it opens us up to the change we desire.
And when we change ourselves, we see the world around us - and everyone in it! - change in beautiful ways.
If you’d like to learn more about this, or about the two new group coaching programs I’m starting soon, please click this link to schedule a free session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And to register for tomorrow’s free guided meditation and discussion, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
If you’re interested in becoming a patron of my work, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Early this week, we talked about the benefit of compassion; later we talked about the value of intention.
Well, today I want to talk about what happens when these two beneficial dynamics meet.
In today’s episode, I illustrate this through another story from one of the people with whom I’m lucky to get to work:
When we practice compassion and intention on a daily basis, through simple and brief exercises, these qualities become a natural emotional response to our experiences.
In other words, you can develop the skill of intention and compassion to the point that they become completely automatic for you.
When we reach this point, the health benefits to your body, your mind, and your spirit are immense!
And it all really does happen with just a little practice every day.
If you’d like to learn more about these practices, how they work and how to implement them into your life, please click this link to schedule a complimentary coaching session with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Also, if you’re interested in a guided meditation tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 9:00 am MST, click here to register for a great one:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/sfjpfsyccfbrb/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron of this work, you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
“Where attention goes, energy flows”
The first time I heard this statement, it really grabbed me.
As you know, the very basis of mindfulness practices is paying attention.
And when we set any kind of intention at all, we are paying attention to that intention we set for ourselves.
The very instant we do this, we are automatically grounded in the present moment.
Intention is a conscious action. And when we practice setting intentions in our lives, it is, by definition, a mindfulness practice.
In today’s episode, I talk more about how this works and I also tell a wonderful story about someone who set an intention of inclusion and friendship and it naturally and organically came to be:
This is because when we set an intention, we are paying attention to it. And where attention goes, energy flows.
Try it for the next week or so: before you get out of bed in the morning, set an intention for the day ahead.
It can be anything at all!
To listen more…
To perform 5 selfless acts of kindness…
To eat healthy and hydrate…
Try it out and see what happens!
If you have questions about this, or to find out more about my upcoming program: How to be Happy for no Reason, click this link to schedule a no-cost discovery call:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in a guided meditation Saturday morning at 9:00 am MST, click here to register for a great one:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/sfjpfsyccfbrb/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron of this work, you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
Now that we’ve talked about anger for a few days, let’s talk about something more comfortable and happy.
How about compassion?
Almost every time anger arises in our bodies, there is another person involved.
Maybe it’s someone close to us, or it's an anonymous person cutting us off in traffic.
Whatever the case may be, the key to transforming the hijack of anger and rage, is in feeling compassion for the people who trigger us.
In today’s episode, I offer some simple, informal practices that you can use anytime:
Also in today’s episode, I am very clear that this does not mean that we must let people walk all over us.
In fact, it is compassion that allows us to clearly see the solution to the anger that threatens to cause us problems in our life.
If you are struggling with anger, and you can’t wait until 4/11, when I start my new 8-week course called “How to be Happy for no Reason”, then click the contact link below and we can get started right away.
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
You can also email me at art@artburnscoaching.com to reserve your spot for this program.
To register for tonight’s free guided meditation and discussion, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
If you’re interested in becoming a patron of my work, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
I passed a sign on the street the other day that was advertising an anger management program, and I just had to roll my eyes.
Of course, I’m not minimizing the difficulty that anger can cause and I sincerely hope that all the people who see that sign can get the help they need.
Because I know the damage that chronic anger can cause…
The damaged relationships…
The lost jobs…
The holes punched in the walls…
The car damage caused by rage driving…
I’ve seen all these and much more!
And the regulation of my own anger is the part of mindfulness and heartfulness practices that helped me the most.
It’s not an overstatement to say that it saved my life!
The thing is that anger, used properly, is actually very useful in the human experience.
But like stress, which is also very useful in the right measure and in the appropriate circumstances, when overused, anger becomes damaging to ourselves.
In today’s episode, I talk at length about this similarity and how to approach the regulation of both stress and anger:
In a couple of weeks, I’ll be launching a group program that is all about anger.
We’ll cover not only all the details about anger but most importantly, I’ll teach the group how to use anger in a healthy and appropriate way.
If you or someone you love has a problem with chronic or excessive anger, please click this link to schedule a call with me that will change your life:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And to register for tomorrow’s free guided meditation and discussion, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
And here’s where you can find my new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
One of the most valuable lessons mindfulness practices teaches us is to be flexible and accommodating in the face of circumstances that are beyond control.
While most situations in our lives invite us to push through any obstacles, there’s nothing like a blizzard to remind us that we’re simply not always in control.
In today’s episode, I tell a story about my experience early Friday morning that normally would have sent my entire day into a tailspin:
If you’re interested in learning more about these practices and would like to know how I can help, I invite you to book a no-cost phone consultation with me.
Just click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
The term ‘Cognitive Dissonance’ applies to a contradiction between a belief or thought we might have, and information we learn that challenges these thoughts and beliefs.
In today’s episode, I talk about what cognitive dissonance looks like in our lives, how we can resolve it in a healthy way, and how it relates to mindfulness.
Many of our implicit biases are at play in cognitive dissonance, with the confirmation bias being the most pronounced.
And cognitive dissonance is something that does come up during the journey into mindfulness.
As we deepen our awareness, we start to see all the implicit and unconscious patterns we’ve operated from for our whole lives.
This is fertile ground for cognitive dissonance, and I’m so happy you are learning about it here!
If you have any questions or comments about today’s episode, please let me know via email:
art@artburnscoaching.com
And if you’re interested in a guided meditation tomorrow morning at 9:00 am MST, click here to register for a great one:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/sfjpfsyccfbrb/
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
I know I’ve told this story many times, but I think it helps to know that there is a scientific basis for the work I talk about in my podcast and youtube channel.
In the early nineties, the Dalai Lama invited several Tibetan monks to come to the States and undergo studies with modern scientific methods and equipment.
At the time, His Holiness asked one of my favorite neuroscientists, Richie Davidson, to use these methods and equipment to study healthy and thriving brains, as opposed to the pathology this science is exclusively used to study.
Richie agreed!
And from that simple intention bloomed some of the most profound scientific studies of the human brain and body that has led the way for mindfulness to become part of the western culture.
In today’s episode, I talk about six of the most prominent of these studies and their findings.
But in the end, I also talk about a down-side to all of this wonderful science.
You see, with this scientific understanding, mindfulness caught the attention of corporations who have since hired people like me to come in and teach their staff this work.
But there has been much criticism of this approach in that it has become a stripped-down, profit-driven form of this sacred practice.
So strong has this criticism been, that someone wrote a book called McMindfulness a few years ago to illustrate the ‘dumbing-down’ of mindfulness practices.
The main criticism of McMindfulness is that it ignores the work of compassion.
This resonates strongly with me, as compassion was the strongest aspect of this work for me personally and has had the deepest impact on me and my loved ones.
For this reason, I teach a new form of mindfulness that emphasizes compassion.
This new form of practice and living is called Heartfulness.
I’ll leave you with a quote by the Dalai Lama as spoken to an aspiring Buddhist student:
“Don’t practice Buddhism,” His Holiness said. “There are enough Buddhists in the world. But do practice compassion. The world needs more compassion.”
We often hear - and speak - about the terms ‘Gut Instinct’ and ‘Generational Cycles.’ But do we really know what they mean and how they are connected?
Well, in today’s episode, I talk about this connection with what I hope is just enough science to help you understand.
As we develop our awareness through the simple daily practices I talk about every day, two really big things start to happen as it relates to this innate knowledge of our nervous system.
First, we start to hear this inner voice more clearly.
This allows us to use this ancient wisdom to guide us through the often chaotic confusion of our lives.
And second, when we hear it clearly, the awareness we can develop through mindfulness practices allows us to discern between the gut instincts that serve us and those gut instincts that impede our happiness.
With this discernment, we can follow that innate knowledge that feeds our happiness and well being and let go of those that do the opposite.
The result is an intentional interruption of generational cycles that not only result in more happiness for your children and grandchildren, but provide you with a sense of purpose, meaning, and altruism that will contribute to your personal happiness and well being.
And all it takes is about 10 minutes a day!
Are you ready to take the first step?
If so, click here to schedule your free phone consultation:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Here’s the link to register for today’s (and every Wednesday’s) FREE mindfulness meeting:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
(I’ll post the link to Saturday’s meditation in tomorrow's email)
Here’s the link to The Learning to Surf Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
When we dwell in the present moment, with a measure of acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, we reduce the static interference that’s created by our thoughts, attachments, and aversions.
Without this static interference, we gain what could be called a high definition view of our experiences.
This includes our inner experience, on an emotional level; and it includes our external experiences as well.
In this clear awareness, we gain the ultimate power that changes our life: regulation.
Because here’s the thing: once we reach the point of highly charged emotions, like a shaking rage, there is little we can do to regulate from that place.
But when we see our emotions in their infancy, which happens in this clear, high definition awareness, regulating ourselves and avoiding the consequences of reactivity becomes much easier!
To get you started in this process, in today’s episode I give you some information that will help you recognize when you’ve been triggered:
This is the first step.
If you have any questions about this or any other issues, you can email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
Or, to book a no-cost call with me and see if coaching is right for you, click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’d like to become a patron of this show, click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
To register for my FREE guided meditation and discussion on Wednesday evening, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
Finally, check out my other podcast: Learning to Surf, here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
I wanted to follow up on the post I made last week about arriving and arising.
Just like almost all the topics I discuss here, consciously arriving, with intention, is a practice that will bear abundant fruits.
But just like any other practice, it only works when you do it with repetition.
So what is to gain by consciously arriving with intention?
In today’s episode, I illustrate a few points through a simple story:
So you can see that practicing arriving will lead to:
More intention…
Following through on your intention…
Preparing yourself for what you are about to experience…
Meeting the situation with honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity…
Instilling a sense of control in order to keep the stress in your body at bay and allow yourself to make clear-minded and contemplated decisions.
If you have any questions about this practice, I invite you to email me back at: art@artburnscoaching.com.
But if you’d prefer to have a live talk about it, click here to book a free call with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
To register for this week’s free guided meditation and discussion on Wednesday at 7:00 pm MST, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/vhrtfsyccfbnb/
And if you haven’t already checked out my new podcast, Learning to Surf, co-hosted with Adam Asdel, you can find the latest episode here:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-5-adam-art-hour-age-mindful-parenting/id1512499997?i=1000511647553
When we say that 95% or more of our thoughts, emotions, and actions are a product of our unconscious patterns of habit, we’re including even the most basic physical aspect of how our bodies process the food we eat.
Yes, even this becomes habitual!
In today’s episode, I share a personal story about weight gain and loss and how it’s all impacted by the habits of my body and mind:
Of course, this also applies, personally for me, to anger.
But just as my proclivity towards weight gain does not make me completely avoid food - because what kind of life would that be? - my tendency towards anger doesn’t make me lock myself away and avoid life.
Instead, the key to managing all of this - from weight gain to anger, to the impacts of everything I do or consume - lies in awareness.
If I’m aware of how my body processes food, I can make decisions to avoid the weight gain.
If I’m aware of my anger habit, I can avoid the triggers or at least be prepared for them.
But if I don’t consider my weight gain until after I overeat, there’s nothing I can do about it.
And if I don’t see my anger until it’s a blind rage, there is also nothing I can do about it.
With all of this and virtually everything else in our bodies and our lives, the key is to see it when it’s small enough that we can easily make the little adjustments that result in regulation.
If you have any questions about this, you can email me back.
But if you’d prefer to have a live talk about it, click here to book a free call with me:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Here’s the link to register for this Saturday’s meditation and discussion:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
For most of my life, I always thought that happiness happened in one of two ways:
Either you were simply born happy.
Or you had such a ‘good life’ that you were happy by default.
But, as I’ve told you before, shortly after I started practicing mindfulness, I found myself being happy for no reason at all.
Recently, I went about searching for the answer to a simple, yet significant question:
What is happiness?
You know me… I wanted some hard science to help me understand this state that is often very elusive.
And science did I find!
It turns out that psychologists define happiness as having three distinct levels.
The first level is simple: happiness on this level is defined by simply having more positive emotions (joy, excitement, gratitude, etc.) than negative emotions (anger, sadness, shame, etc.)
The second level is a bit more nuanced: here, happiness is defined by the level of satisfaction one has in their position in life.
That is to say: feeling that you have stability in your life and are grounded in your integrity as a person (defined by you) and that you feel relatively on course to meet your goals. (Again, goals that are defined, and adjusted, by you.)
The third level of happiness has to do with a sense of purpose and meaning in your life.
This last level is all about being connected to something higher than yourself.
In today’s episode, I go into deep detail on each of these levels, or components, of happiness:
But more importantly, I illustrate how each of these levels of happiness is a skill that can be trained the same way as any other skill: Through practice.
If you have any questions or would like help in connecting to something bigger than yourself, please click here to schedule a complimentary meeting with me:
https://calendly.com/d/f68n-qhv6/coaching-session
Here’s the link to this Saturday’s guided meditation and discussion:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/sfjpfsyccfbjb/
Here’s the link to The Learning to Surf Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
As I thought about yesterday’s post, the concept of allowing our emotions to arise and then letting them go, I realized I waded into potentially troubling waters.
So I wanted to be super clear on some details.
When we try to bypass our negative emotions, we open ourselves up to consequences far stronger and damaging than the original emotion ever was!
Now, to be sure, positive psychology and the purposeful cultivation of positive emotions is real and very valuable.
And, as I explain in today’s episode, our negative emotions, like the stress response, are very useful and beneficial in the right doses.
But like stress, too much negative emotion can impede our happiness and functionality in our lives.
So when we bring a curious, non-judging awareness to our emotions, we can explore until we find the source.
This source will invariably be one or more of Delusion, Clinging, or Aversion.
And when we see this source, we learn a lot from it.
But we also gain the power to regulate the emotions and reactivity we experience.
Please let me know if you have ANY questions about this crucial topic!
And if you’re around tonight, I invite you to a free group meditation and discussion. Click here to register:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
And check out my new podcast: Learning to Surf with Adam Asdel:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
So often, we tend to say things like: ‘What a bad and difficult day this has been!’
Now, I don’t mean to diminish any difficulty you may have experienced during the day, but are you sure the whole day was difficult?
Or is it more accurate to say that a few things were difficult and these few stand out experiences are coloring your perception of the whole day?
Because the reality is that life doesn’t happen day by day.
Nor does life happen week by week, month by month, or year by year.
Life happens moment by moment in an arising action.
Our emotions, our thoughts, and even the physical sensations of our bodies arise in this present moment.
And when we train ourselves to notice this arising, we can easily see this moment by moment opportunity to come back to the present moment with acceptance, compassion, and curiosity.
In today’s episode, I give you two practices you can start right now to train your mind in this way.
And here are some links I want to share with you:
Here’s the link to register for this week’s FREE mindfulness meeting:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
Here’s the link to The Learning to Surf Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron (there was one spot left in the upper tier at a lower price!) you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
When I talk to people about non-judging awareness, it’s sometimes hard for them to grasp what I really mean by the term.
Of course, this has a lot to do with how we’re conditioned in society to judge EVERY experience.
A headache, for instance, is bad, according to the people who make ibuprofen.
A new car is good, according to the maker of new cars.
Of course, when talking about advertising, it’s easy to see the motivation: to get you to buy something you may or may not really need.
What’s not as apparent is that this motivation happens at the level of the human emotion of fear.
And the very second that your brain senses fear, your body responds in the only way it knows how: your body initiates the stress response.
And from this place, emotional reactivity happens.
And emotional reactivity always carries with it negative consequences which cause the emotion of fear once more and starts the cycle anew.
But what happens if we don’t say something is ‘Bad’?
What if we say something is ‘Interesting’ instead?
Check out today’s episode to find out how this relates to Curiosity!
And if you’d like to attend Wednesday’s free meditation group, please register here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276652871/
To claim the very last spot as a tier 2 patron, at no premium cost, please click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
And check out my new podcast: Learning to Surf with Adam Asdel:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
When we talk about mindfulness practices addressing stress and emotional reactivity, it’s mostly focused on gaining a sort of baseline functionality.
Well, in today’s episode, I do my best 1980’s infomercial impression and tell you ‘Wait! There’s more!’
Because the truth is that when we cultivate the attitudes of presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, every single aspect of our lives becomes deeper and more fulfilling.
And I mean everything!
From our romantic relationships to the way we relate to our kids.
From our work to our memory.
From our spiritual practice to our golf game.
And everything in between!
If you’re looking to learn more about how a coach can help you establish the basic practices that will deliver all these benefits to you, click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
And if you’re interested in a group meditation happening tomorrow and every saturday morning, click here:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/qwblfsyccdbkc/
And to support my work via monthly patronage, click here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
“I think it’s important to have some one thing you can work on, on a more or less daily basis, and be able to see improvement in your own terms that is a result only of your own energy being put into the thing… It keeps you centered to something.”
-Jerry Garcia, 1976 TV Interview
I’ll post the link below to this perhaps surprising interview.
But this is what Jerry replied to the question that he has said before that music is his Yoga.
The Yoga that most people in the West are familiar with is called Hatha Yoga.
And it may surprise you to know that this is just one type or branch of Yoga.
In fact, Yoga contains about 8 different methods or modalities, but the overall definition is really synonymous with what we call meditation.
And mindfulness is a way to describe both formal and informal practices of meditation.
The point being, as I say in today’s episode, that when we do this practice of mindfulness every day, it centers us to the principles of Presence, Acceptance, Compassion, and Curiosity.
And when we center ourselves in this way, it’s like having trail markers for our lives.
Because unless you’re living a monastic life, you can’t avoid the struggles and difficulties of the human experience.
So when these struggles present themselves, if you’ve been practicing mindfulness ‘on a more or less daily basis’ you will always be able to center yourself to Presence, Acceptance, Compassion, and Curiosity and these will help you navigate difficulty with no additional, unnecessary suffering.
Here are the links I promised you in today’s episode:
The Learning to Surf Saturday Sit:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/qwblfsyccdbkc/
Here’s the link to The Learning to Surf Podcast (The new episode will drop today or tomorrow):
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-dharma-riding-waves/id1512499997
And if you’re interested in becoming a patron (there was one spot left in the upper tier at a lower price!) you can join here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
And here is that amazing interview with my old pal Jerry Garcia:
https://youtu.be/80dcUvmVWzM
I made a ton of announcements in today’s episode. And all the pertinent links are below.
But I also talked about an important aspect of our daily lives that I illustrated through a personal story and the story I’d hear told by a Rock and Roll Legend!
Life has its ups and downs, and so do our bodies.
And in our down cycles and rhythms, our energy wanes.
In these times, it’s very enticing to want to pull the covers over our heads and just take the day off.
While the occasional day off for physical or mental care is very legitimate and will feel good in the short term, showing up anyway is also very important.
Because life is waiting for us out there.
When we show up in spite of our energy level, we open the potential for greatness.
I shared a story about genius I’d heard in a TED Talk, and that’s pasted below for you as well.
But the thing is that none of us know when genius will show up and, as per my story and the story of that Rock and Roller, it doesn’t necessarily show up when it feels like it will.
That is to say that your energy and how you feel on any given day does not determine how you impact the world around you.
So if we show up in spite of our low energy, we just might change someone’s life in spite of ourselves.
Here are the links I mentioned in today’s episode:
To become a Patreon (the first 3 people get an automatic upgrade and gain access to the benefits of tier 2 patronage, regardless of the monthly contribution!):
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
To check out the Learning to Surf Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
To join our Wednesday evening meet up:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276481843/
To join our Saturday morning sit:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/qwblfsyccdbkc/
And here is the TED Talk link:
https://youtu.be/86x-u-tz0MA
As we practice mindfulness and develop the skills to be present, accepting, compassionate, and curious, we cultivate a keen level of self awareness.
Self awareness allows us to self-regulate.
It’s not that we’re aware of some secret mechanism to regulate our bodies and nervous systems.
It’s more about perspective.
In today’s episode, I use the example of a Rottweiler.
A full grown Rottweiler is a big and scary dog. In fact, trained the right way, it could quite literally kill an adult human with little trouble.
A Rottweiler puppy is made of the same stuff and, without any major transformation, will grow into the same potentially dangerous dog as the adult.
But it’s a puppy!
So I could just pick it up and nuzzle and kiss it. There is no danger whatsoever.
Our emotions are the same way!
Rage arising from anger can hijack your day and cause weeks of trouble for you.
But the emotions that led to the anger and rage were, at one point, little puppies of emotions.
And if you could see them when they were so small, like a puppy, you could very easily avoid the hijack.
But wait! There’s more!!!
As we grow into this skill, we become self confident.
This is because we know that with the awareness we will be able to handle whatever situation comes our way.
Would you like to be more self confident?
I am very fortunate to get to teach the methods and practices of mindfulness and compassion to a lot of people.
And I always giggle when it seems, to almost everyone, that this is when we 'start’ practice.
Of course, it’s true that this is when people start ‘This’ practice.
But it’s also very true that we’ve all been practicing something for our whole lives.
And whatever we’ve been practicing our whole lives has become our automatic emotional reaction.
In today’s episode, I talk about the science behind this concept and how it all works:
Also, I made a few announcements at the beginning of today’s episode, and here are the links:
My science of love interview (Available today):
https://science-and-magic-of-love-power-summit.heysummit.com/?sc=PiNguSrD
My new podcast, Learning to Surf:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/learning-to-surf-ep-1-adam-art-hour-compassion-love/id1512499997?i=1000508643601
Our Learning to Surf Saturday Sit:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/qwblfsyccdbkc/
And the Learning to Surf Mindfulness Meeting on Wednesdays:
https://www.meetup.com/learning-to-surf-talks-on-buddhism-meditation-mindfulness/events/276481843/
I hope you get to check out some of these goodies!!!
And, as always, if you’d like to book a call with me, here’s your link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Growing up as a child, and well into my adulthood, I realize now, I was always trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be.
I came to realize that it wasn’t even just one me!
In fact, like most people, I found that I had all these different roles in my life and that each one of them seemed to require a different version of me.
And so I indulged this ‘requirement’ and I played the roles and became the person - or people! - I thought I needed to be.
But through my own mindfulness practices and the self awareness that came from them, I realized that the best version of me was the one that played these roles.
In other words, I realized that I could turn down the noise of the aversion and clinging that came from the roles themselves and I found that what was left was not just my happiness.
What was left was the true Art Burns.
And I feel now that I’ve harnessed some kind of super power and I feel like I can accomplish anything!
In today’s episode, I talk about the roles we play and how all this works.
Would you like some help in finding the true you?
In many ways, we all live our life based on certain unconscious expectations.
We expect the weather to be a certain way.
We expect people to behave in a certain way.
We expect the train to arrive at a certain time.
And when we dwell in these expectations, we set ourselves up for trouble.
Because we all know that at some point, something is not going to meet our expectations.
When this happens, we will tend to judge the experience in a way that sets us up for clinging or aversion.
At this precise moment, suffering happens.
When we practice mindfulness, we release ourselves of the unconscious expectations and willingly and intentionally accept what arises in the present moment.
Now, we don’t judge our experience as good or bad and we don’t experience the clinging or aversion.
And we don’t experience suffering.
Would you like to learn more about this?
The first time I was on an airplane, I was confounded by the instructions of the flight attendant that parents should put their own oxygen mask on before assisting their children.
And this confusion only grew more severe when I had kids of my own.
Like most parents, I would do anything for my kids!
And yet, I was being told to do this absurdly selfish thing!
But I eventually realized the reason for this: If I lose consciousness while trying to save my child, neither of us survive.
This is the theme of today’s episode.
No matter how counterintuitive it seems, the reality of this world is that the only thing we can control is ourselves.
Our actions.
Our intentions.
Our responses to life’s endless supply of curveballs.
So when you think that taking ten minutes to meditate in the morning seems selfish, try to liken it to putting on your own mask so you can help those around you.
Of all the amazing benefits of mindfulness and heartfulness practices that I talk about here, the one benefit that is probably more beneficial to our lives than all others is the ability to be patient.
Patience can mean the difference between shouting at a child and teaching that child an important lesson.
Patience can be the difference between a successful meeting with someone and a missed opportunity.
And it can mean the difference between a happy day and a day that is hijacked by stress.
But the best news of all is that patience, like all the other beneficial results of the work I talk about here, is trainable.
All it takes is practice.
And in today’s episode, I talk about how you can practice patience and the benefits it will bring to your life and well being.
Would you like to learn more?
Our brains crave the familiar.
Such a simple sentence, yet there is so much to unpack!
Because the confounding aspect of that statement is that the brain craves the familiar even when the familiar is uncomfortable or detrimental to our well being.
In today’s episode, I talk about why our brains do this and the effects (positive and negative) that result.
Mindfulness is all about bringing intentional presence to what it is we’re doing.
It’s about sensing, in real time, that this familiar thing we’re doing is not serving us.
And this can only happen when we pay attention.
In today’s episode, I offer a few very simple practices you can do, today, to help train your mind to take over for the automatic behavior of the brain and be present with all you do all day.
Once you train yourself to be present in this way, you can be happy for no reason!
Something pretty amazing happened yesterday that illustrates really well what I covered last week when I talked about social media consumption.
Not only that, but it also illustrates the wonderful working of the Vagus Nerve.
I had posted a simple message to Facebook yesterday:
“It is not the experience that makes us suffer. It is the unwillingness to accept the experience that makes us suffer.”
This is a statement of universal truth and I know it will apply to every extent of suffering.
But a couple of people took issue with the statement and kinda attacked me in the comments.
I was accused of ‘toxic positivity’ by one person and of being a ‘one-minute guru’ by the other.
In today’s episode, I discuss how I resisted the automatic reaction of fight or flight and instead allowed my heart to lead my replies.
In the end, we all were in harmony and agreement!
If you would like some help with executing the social media practice I talk about in today’s episode, I’ll make it easy!
Just click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
I always thought that happiness was something that was out there somewhere and if I wanted it, I’d need to go get it.
I thought happiness existed in the car, or the job, or the new gadget, or the certain relationship with that one special person.
But last year, something really interesting happened to me.
In the midst of the coronavirus lockdown, when we couldn’t buy toilet paper or pasta; when my income was slashed and my wife had to go to work full time; when I was stuck inside the house with two young kids who were bored and confused, I had plenty of reasons to be unhappy.
And yet, I found myself, as the world fell apart around me, sitting in an unshakeable happiness.
I was happy for no reason.
It wasn’t denial! It was simply the skill of happiness.
In today’s episode, I talk about the four basic qualities that uncover the happiness that exists in each of us.
With just a little practice, you can cultivate these qualities for yourself and you, too, can be happy for no reason.
In today’s episode, I talk about this amazing nerve we have in our body called the Vagus Nerve.
Believe it or not, The Vagus Nerve has nothing at all to do with how you feel at a blackjack table!
It’s actually the longest nerve in your body, starting at the base of your brain and wrapping around all the vital organs below your pelvis.
The Vagus Nerve connects the three ‘Minds’ of our bodies: The Brain, The Heart, and The Gut; and it is responsible for a vast array of health benefits or detriments, depending on the vagal tone.
I offer several modalities to increase your vagal tone, but my favorite, by far, is Lovingkindness and Compassion practices.
For a copy of the lovingkindness practice I review in today’s episode, please email me at art@artburnscoaching.com and I’ll send it right over to you.
Fear says: “Don’t go out tonight. There’s ice all over the sidewalks and you might get hurt!”
Awareness of danger says: “Sure there is ice out there, but that full moon is beautiful and taking a walk will be magical! So be careful!”
You see, fear is an emotion that is almost always rooted in the future.
You feel the emotion of fear when you think about an outcome.
Awareness of danger is almost always rooted in the present moment.
You are aware of something that could hurt you right now.
It’s a subtle difference, I suppose.
But the real significance is when we start to operate from the emotion of fear.
It’s never about denying or ignoring the fear we feel. It’s about transforming the valid fear into awareness of danger in the present moment.
In today’s video, I give you the simple technique to do this.
Because when we operate from a place of fear, we sacrifice the positive potential of our experiences. (Like falling in love!)
But when we operate from love (the opposite emotion of fear), we practice the positive outlook, which is a pillar of our own well-being!
The other day, I was preparing a cup of tea and I realized what a great opportunity it was to recognize and explain the present moment.
As I poured the cup of boiling water into the cup, carefully tore open the wrapper for the teabag, and set it to steep, this was all happening now, in the present moment.
Then, about 10-15 minutes later, I came back to this cup that was at this point filled with delicious tea, and I took the first sip. This also happened ‘now’ in the present moment.
But what happened in between?
Of course, I didn’t just sit there and stare at this cup until it was time to drink!
I may have tidied up around the house.
Or maybe I had a little chat with one of my kids.
Or perhaps I even went outside to check the mail.
Whatever it was that I did while my tea was steeping, the important question is ‘Where was my mind during this time?’
Quite often, we might get the impression that now somehow stopped being now.
But no matter how it can feel this way, it is never true!
We don’t feel ‘now’ become ‘then’ and we don’t feel ‘then’ become ‘now’, because, as I illustrate in today’s episode, the only real time is ‘now’.
Then is always a construct of our memory or our imagination.
And dwelling in this construct is where we run into trouble and wind up in the stress response!
But attending to the present moment keeps us grounded and opens us up to spontaneous happiness!
As I like to say, in the present moment, we can Be Happy For No Reason!
How would your life change if you were spontaneously happy for no reason at all?
Earlier this week, we talked about how the emotional energy inside each of us has an impact on those with whom we interact.
This is part of our intuitive capabilities and is extremely valuable in many ways.
Like when you meet someone new, you have an innate sense of trust or distrust within seconds.
And when we train ourselves to pay attention to this intuition, we can make adjustments to our interpersonal relationships in the interest of our well-being.
While this is all very important, it only really addresses our interpersonal experiences.
But what about our intrapersonal experiences?
That is, what about our experiences that don’t involve any other people?
Well, I have really good news!
The fact is that the same logic applies to all that we consume in our daily lives.
In the same way, our intuition can keep us safe from the danger posed by a ‘toxic’ person in our lives, intuition can also tell us that the media, food, and intoxicants pose a danger to us.
All it requires is for us to pay attention.
In today’s video, I offer an invitation to practice this awareness of our bodies as we consume anything at all.
The more we practice this, the deeper our awareness becomes and the more habitual the process of checking in becomes as well.
Please let me know if you would like some help incorporating this practice into your daily life!
It’s very easy, at times, to think only of the effect our emotional dis-regulation has on others.
But the basis for this empathic resonance, mirror neurons, are present within us as well and so we are subject to the resonance of others.
You might have certain people in your life that just make you feel not-so-good when you hang out with them.
Or maybe it's the other way. Maybe there are some people in your life that just bring you joy and good feelings when you see them or speak with them.
This is the empathic resonance you are receiving!
In today’s video, I go into the details and the scientific basis for how this all works. And I also give you a little practice you can do over the next week or so that will help you develop awareness of this phenomenon and also to regulate it and keep yourself on an even keel even in the face of those who trouble you.
If you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear from you!
Throughout our daily lives, we have many interactions with other people.
These can be anonymous and passing encounters with people in public spaces, or they can be intimate encounters with people we know and love.
They can be in person or remote interactions via phone or video chat.
But the one thing that all of these interactions have in common is that in every single instance, we will impact the person we are experiencing and they will impact us.
Some of this impact will be subconscious and, therefore, not consciously noticeable, while others will be very intentional.
In every case, there is an awareness that is quite important.
Every time we interact with someone, we can hold in our awareness that this person is likely experiencing some kind of suffering at the moment we experience them.
Perhaps it’s something they experienced today or maybe its a bigger thing that impacts them in their core self.
Either way, each of these instances is an opportunity for us to be kind and help to relieve this suffering our fellow human being is struggling with.
In today’s episode, I explain the ways in which this kindness can be as much or more beneficial to ourselves as it is to the other person.
This is a vital understanding that affects our mind and well being and I hope you can try the practice I suggest at the end of the video.
If you have any questions about this topic or about the practice in this episode, please reach out so I can help you!
I used to think that as long as I wasn’t yelling at anyone, or otherwise causing problems for others, that my emotions were irrelevant to those around me.
And boy was I mistaken!!!
The reality, which honestly I learned the hard way, is that the people around me could sense my emotions.
If I was experiencing positive emotions, people would feel uplifted and drawn to me.
If I was experiencing negative emotions, people felt the drag and probably wanted to get the heck away from me.
I learned (also the hard way!) that my kids were more sensitive than anyone else.
But so were my employees.
And my wife.
And my dog - yes, even my dog! I get into this in today’s video:
The simple fact is that our bodies are always experiencing thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.
Always.
And the more awareness we can develop, the more apparent these thoughts, emotions, and sensations will be.
The more apparent, the easier it is for us to regulate ourselves.
At this point - which is only a few short weeks away with the right practice - we can intentionally impact those around us in a positive way.
We can brighten up every room we walk into and every heart with whom we connect.
This is an awesome power that costs nothing but can bring enormous benefit to so many people!
And in case you’re wondering: developing this vital life skill will positively impact each of the four constituents of well being, So not only will you be making others feel good; you’ll be improving your own well being at the same time!
Would you like to learn more?
Today’s topic comes by request from one of my amazing Patrons! If you would like to become a Patron of the show and support me and my work, you can sign up here:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
What my Patron had asked me to cover today is the very important topic of perfectionism.
I say it’s an important topic because I think a vast number of the 77% of American adults suffering from stress are also suffering from perfectionism.
In fact, I think it’s quite accurate to say that perfectionism causes the stress directly!!!
Perfectionism, in its simplest definition, is the idea that something must be perfect or it is simply not worth even trying.
It’s an all or nothing proposition, as I explain in today’s episode:
The problem arises from the fact that nobody in the entire world is truly perfect. We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. A lot of them, actually.
And if we strive for perfection, then we wind up feeling as though we’ve failed very often.
This can give us a very unhealthy fear of failure.
As I say all the time, when we engage in fear, our body responds with the stress response.
At that point, we open ourselves up to a world of potential problems.
Simply put, the very notion of perfectionism obstructs our ability to be happy.
The good news is that no matter how perfectionist you feel you are; no matter how this perfectionism causes anxiety, depression, or stress in your body, there is a very simple solution that is super fun and feels really good:
The solution to perfectionism is Self-Compassion.
Would you like to learn how to neutralize your perfectionism with Self-Compassion?
When we are born into this world, we come with certain predispositions that make up a part of our personality.
Western psychology would call this genetic coding, while eastern philosophies would call it Karma.
Whatever you want to call it, this aspect of your personality is just part of the picture.
The rest of our personality is influenced by our experiences with the parents, friends, teachers, coaches, etc.
And as we take this influence and apply it, moment-by-moment throughout our lives, the personality traits become stronger and more pronounced and have a more powerful impact on our moment to moment experience.
Essentially, we practice this personality and it becomes more deeply rooted.
But this is not who you truly are, and with the right balance of patience, acceptance, self-compassion, and curiosity, you can transform this outward-facing personality into something that is a source of happiness and well being.
In today’s episode, I go through the personality types that spring from the negative mental states we covered yesterday.
I also give you an idea on how to transform your dominant personality type and a quiz to help you identify your specific dominant personality type.
This is a lot, so if you have a question about any of it, please reach out and let me know!
Our emotions are our body’s built-in motivation system.
Everything we do, we have our emotions to thank for the energy and drive to do.
And as you probably know, emotions have a ton of strength and power!
This strength and power is the main reason that we NEVER want to try to ‘Stop’ our emotions or stuff them inside or avoid them in any way. Doing so invites some very serious health concerns.
But at the same time, negative emotions cause our bodies to suffer in the stress response and lead to negative consequences as a result of our reactivity.
So what can we do?
Well, the answer is quite simple: Instead of addressing the negative emotion, which is a result, we can address the mental state that caused the emotion.
This is the same concept as addressing the disease over the symptoms of the disease.
In today’s episode, I walk you through the three negative mental states that will always result in negative emotions and lead to the stress response in our bodies.
Tomorrow, we’re going to talk about how these negative mental states, left unchecked, will evolve into our personality.
I’ll also give you a little quiz to help you determine which of these personalities is dominant for you.
Most of the time, we tend to think of changes to our personality as powerful and significant events in our lives.
To be sure, major trauma will certainly have the effect of changing one’s personality!
But the reality is that our personalities are formed through what seem like tiny, insignificant experiences of our thoughts, emotions, and reactivity.
These changes happen slowly, over long periods of time, and without any notification or warnings.
Kinda like a houseplant growing: you don’t notice the plant growing because it’s happening so slowly that it’s imperceptible.
But one day you look and you notice that your plant has grown so big that you must move it into a bigger pot!
Every thought you have…
Every emotional reaction…
Every judgment…
Every time you cling to something or push away something else…
Each and every one of these tiny experiences you have, moment by moment, slowly changes who you are and how you process and respond to the world around you (Including all the people!)
By paying attention to the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, we gain control over the process and, in this control, we can become the person we wish to be.
The process is very simple, and the changes will happen much faster than you might think!
If you’re ready to take the first step toward your new life, reply to this email and let me know. (Or comment, DM, etc…)
Habits, essentially, are the product of unintentional practice.
Every time you react in a certain way to an experience - the way in the past I’d have been angry this morning when I awoke to snow on the ground that prevents the bike ride I was looking forward to - you are teaching your body how to react in this way without your conscious awareness.
Anything that your body knows how to do without the involvement of your brain is, quite simply, a habit.
And your brain loves it!
This is why habits are very easy to form and nearly impossible to break!
Check out today’s episode to learn more about habits:
When we train our minds in non-judging, moment-to-moment awareness, we bring this conscious awareness to the emotions and thoughts that otherwise happen automatically.
It is in this awareness that we gain power over the reactivity and, in turn, we gain the ability to respond instead of reacting.
In this response, we tap into our power to learn and grow through our experiences.
And in time, we gain the skill to let go of or accept the things that cause us to suffer and our happiness is allowed to arise.
Remember, this skill, like every single skill you’ve ever developed in your life, can be developed through practice.
Would you like to learn how to do such practices? It will only take about 5-10 minutes per day and getting started is as easy as clicking this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Ever since I first heard the term ‘Pet Peeve’, I was baffled at the fact that we would love something that bothers us so much that we’d call it a ‘pet’.
But at the same time, I had so many of these Pet Peeves that I just figured it was normal on some level.
And for many years, I struggled with the things that ‘Always annoyed me’ and stress became a huge presence and hindrance in my life, affecting every aspect of my life and preventing my happiness in many ways.
It was only when I came to understand that the source of my stress was the thoughts produced by these pet peeves that I came to learn about the nature of my brain to strive for two things:
Automation and the familiar.
Through some very simple practices, I have reframed the automatic nature of my brain and developed the skill to bring this activity into my conscious awareness.
And now, not only do I have no more pet peeves, I actually have almost nothing that annoys me or takes away my happiness.
Would you like to learn how to do this for yourself?
I know I talk a great deal about Self-Compassion, but I’m doing it again today!
In fact, I could easily talk about Self-Compassion every day and never cover anything else and you would still get just as much benefit!
Self-Compassion is that important.
And I bring it up again today because Self-Compassion is especially important when we are trying to learn something new… like, say… mindfulness practices.
But seriously, any time we are trying to develop a new skill, we must commit to the process of practice if we want to reach our desired goal.
And this is true of every single skill you’ve ever developed in your life!
Riding a bike, writing, walking, playing a musical instrument.
Practice, practice, practice, practice.
But here’s the thing:
Most of these skills you’ve accumulated in your life were learned at a very young age before you practiced the skill of talking to yourself harshly and without support and compassion.
And that is a major reason why most adults don’t learn new things!
We get a little way into it, we fail somehow, and because of the harsh and unfairly critical inner talk, we give up.
So now, as you are trying to develop this new skill of mindfulness, which will provide you with the tools you need to grasp your true happiness, I’m asking you to be kind to yourself.
At the end of today’s video, I provide a very simple practice that will shift this inner dialogue within a few weeks.
But this is also a skill and needs to be practiced.
Please let me know if there is any way I can support you.
In another fine example of how counterintuitive mindfulness is for many of us in western society, presence is something we’ve all tried to unlearn for our whole lives.
When we’re toddlers, we’re taught to look forward to Christmas and Birthdays.
When we go to kindergarten, we’re taught to look forward to first grade.
And then to middle school… and high school… and college… and then we get a job and we look forward to getting a house and getting married… then we have kids and we teach them to look forward to Christmas.
So it’s no wonder that being present is so difficult for most of us!
But why is this such a big deal?
The answer is nearly as simple as the practice to develop presence: in the present moment is where life happens.
Nothing ever happened in the past and nothing will ever happen in the future.
Every single experience we can possibly have happens now.
And now is where we can show up to our lives and the people and passions in our lives.
But as we worry about the future and we ruminate about the past, we engage in clinging and aversion and we suffer.
As Ram Dass once said: through the clinging and aversion and the worrying and rumination, we wind up thinking about life instead of living it.
And this will affect every experience and every relationship you’ll ever have!
Towards the end of this exceptionally long video (I think I just really love my new microphone!), I give some guidance on how to practice dwelling in and paying attention to the present moment.
Once we can develop this skill, we can practice well-being and happiness!
Like the concepts of Curiosity, Compassion, and Presence, the concept of Acceptance can seem counterintuitive to many of us in Western Society.
We grow up learning that we should take charge of our circumstances and go out and get what we need through ambition and hard work.
Now, the last thing I want to do is to take anything away from ambition or hard work! In the right perspective and in appropriate measures, these are wonderful and powerful qualities to possess!
And fortunately, acceptance is not antithetical to ambition or hard work!
Acceptance doesn’t ask us to not change something we wish to change.
Acceptance ALLOWS for this change to take place.
Like the other concepts we’re discussing on the podcast and youtube channel this week, acceptance, and it’s counterpart, letting go, is a key part of the control you have to cultivate and develop your well-being and happiness.
Well-being and happiness are not some stroke of fortune or lack thereof.
And happiness and well-being are not reliant upon the things and people in our lives.
Happiness and well-being are skills. And like any other skill you have ever developed, they can be trained through practice.
Are you curious as to how much practice? Well, then you should check out today's episode:
When you think of compassion, you might consider it something that is ‘nice to do’ for others.
Or maybe you say ‘It’s the right thing to do…’
Perhaps, the concept of compassion brings you closer to your religion or spirituality.
However the practice of compassion aligns with your life or your world view, if you’re like most people, you think of it as an outward oriented action.
In other words, you think of it as something you would do for others.
I mention the benefits of Self-Compassion in today’s video and I will do another video on Friday dedicated to Self-Compassion, but that’s not really what I mean by the previous sentence.
What I mean is that most people don’t realize the impact that feeling and expressing compassion for others has on their own well-being.
In one way, it’s about removing the source of stress that lives in the thoughts of those people for whom we refuse to offer compassion or forgiveness.
But more directly, the intention and practice of compassion checks off each one of the four constituents of well being as defined by neuroscientists and psychologists like Richard Davidson.
In today’s video I outline this connection and impact of compassion upon the four constituents of well being. And I hope you enjoy it.
As always, if you have any questions at all, please reach out by replying to this email.
Or you can go to my website to claim your coupon for a 45 minute coaching session that could change your life.
I’ll even make it easier for you by posting this link:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
In the meantime, this is for you:
May you be well.
May you be free from suffering.
May you be free from fear and insecurity.
May you be forgiven for your mistakes and misdeeds.
May you feel loved.
May you be happy.
First of all, I want to express once again my gratitude for my Patron who has sponsored the amazing new microphone I’ve used in today’s recording! If you’re interested in supporting me, it couldn’t be easier! Just go to this page:
https://www.patreon.com/artburns
In today’s episode, I talk about a familiar, but super important topic: The Beginner's Mind.
As you’ve heard me say plenty of times, with Presence, Acceptance, Compassion, and Curiosity, we can practice well being and positively impact our own experiences as well as positively impact those whose lives we touch every day.
In the episode today I discuss all four of these concepts, but I go into Curiosity the deepest.
In anything we can possibly know, there are three spheres of knowledge:
There is what we know.
There is what we know we don’t know.
And then there is the third sphere, which dwarfs the other two: What we don’t know we don’t know.
The Beginner’s Mind embraces that third sphere.
And when we approach every situation and circumstance in our lives with this quality of The Beginner's Mind: that there MUST be something we don’t know we don’t know about this thing, it shifts our entire view and promotes Presence, Acceptance, and Compassion.
And then, all of our stress and big, disruptive emotional reactions begin to change.
This is a skill. And like any other skill, it is trainable!
Would you like to learn how to practice The Beginner’s Mind?
Hello!
I'm coming at you on a Sunday afternoon to show you my awesome new microphone!
Please let me know how it sounds!!! You can email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
Wishing you well,
Art
We all get overwhelmed at times.
And when we do, it’s like there’s a monkey bouncing around our mind so quickly and erratically, we can’t even keep track of it.
Have you ever been stuck in this monkey mind, feeling like there’s no escape, and then had the opportunity to talk to someone about it?
It feels much better after you get to talk about it, right?
Well, the reason is that in verbalizing your thoughts, you articulate them in your mind first.
It’s like getting the monkey to slow down a little so you can keep track of him.
Of course, there are some things that are too personal and tender to share even with our intimate partners.
And therapy can be very expensive.
Fortunately, there is a free and safe way to ‘talk’ things out any time.
I’m talking about journaling.
In today’s episode, I share the details of a simple journaling practice that has worked wonders for my own mental and emotional clarity.
If you’re interested in the written instructions, including some helpful prompts, please comment below and I’ll send it right over to you.
Also, in my podcast today, I talk about two other very helpful practices. 😊
Please reach out with any questions!
So often, I used to find myself saying things like: “If this person or that situation would change, I could finally be happy.”
And I would spend so much time resenting those people and situations that wouldn’t change for me.
I would get angry that ‘they’ were taking my happiness and causing me to suffer.
But the truth is that no person or situation is responsible for my emotions.
I have the power to regulate my emotions.
And so do you.
Because your emotional reactions are based on the extent to which you can see things clearly, accept what you see, and let go the expectations of any given outcome.
And every moment of life offers us the opportunity to course correct back to the place of presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity.
This course correction is a skill that develops through simple practices that take very little time.
And I would just love to teach you how it’s done.
Are you ready to take control over your own happiness?
As children, we are taught that failure is bad.
This message comes to us in the subtle look of disappointment on a parent’s face.
Or in the not so subtle big red F at the top of a test that must be signed by our disappointed parent and returned to our disappointed teacher.
And then there is the straight-up cruel way our young peers will treat us in the face of failures big and small.
Of course, since failure is a huge part of a kid’s life, these messages get repeated over and over until these words become our inner dialogue.
That’s how we wind up as adults who are afraid of failure.
And when we live a life in fear of failure, not only are we eliminating a huge and important part of our life experience, but we also inhibit our own growth and learning.
Because fear leads to stress, and stress inhibits our ability to learn.
The good news is that there is one simple thing you can do to turn all this around: change that inner voice to be one of kindness, compassion, and unconditional love and support.
And to do that requires no more than a few minutes of practice each day.
Are you ready?
Teaching children mindfulness practices gives them the tools they need to regulate their emotions through presence, acceptance, and curiosity.
Teaching children compassion practices gives them very similar tools to use in their interpersonal relationships for their whole lives.
And teaching children self-compassion gives them the same vital tools to use in their relationship with themselves.
All three of these are scientifically known to cultivate wellness and reduce the health risks associated with chronic stress.
And all three will create the conditions for happiness and fulfillment so our kids can thrive in this life.
And isn’t that the whole point?
Just like mindfulness, the most effective way to teach our kids these practices is to model it for them. (As the story in today’s video shows.)
Would you like to know more?
Are you interested in a coaching session to start developing these profound skills for yourself?
I’ve been asked a few times to talk about how valuable it can be for kids to learn some of the basic mindfulness practices I talk about here.
The answer, of course, is that it’s absolutely vital for kids to possess these skills!!!
Because as kids grow up, every tiny experience they have, every emotion they experience, and every stress response that happens in their bodies is contributing to who they will become as adults.
And by teaching children these simple practices and giving them the tools to be more aware of their emotional experiences and to regulate and modulate them along the way, we give our kids the power of control so they can live with more happiness and fulfillment.
Isn’t that what we want as parents?
And while the schools are coming along in institutionalizing these practices, the best and most effective and efficient thing we can do now is to practice as adults and model the regulation for our kids.
Would you like to learn how?
Whether we’re looking at the events surrounding politics, or the divisive energy surrounding the global pandemic, it seems that anger is everywhere.
As an emotion, anger is perhaps the greatest motivator.
But the purpose of this powerful emotion, as with all the emotions we experience as human beings, is to motivate us to action.
Unfortunately, this is not what happens for most people.
For most people, anger is mere expression.
And when we simply express our anger, without resolution of action, it will almost always result in conflict.
This conflict will result in stress in our bodies which causes more anger and soon enough we are caught in a very dangerous cycle.
And that’s exactly what’s happening in our world today.
What we can do instead, is allow the anger to arise within us and, seeing it with honor and curiosity, we can learn and grow from what it tells us.
This process will end in resolution and reconciliation.
The important difference is that we will remain healthy in the face of this process.
I invite you to get to know your anger and let it inform your compassion for yourself and others.
Would you like to learn how?
Have you heard the story of the two wolves?
If not, check out today’s episode.
The basic premise of the story is that each of us has the potential to be kind, compassionate, forgiving, generous, and happy.
And we also have the potential to be greedy, angry, vindictive, violent, and unhappy.
Which potential comes to fruition is our choice.
Mindfulness and Heartfulness practices empower us to see, moment by moment, which potential we are feeding.
And in this moment to moment awareness, we have the choice to feed our wellness.
Right now, in this moment, which wolf are you feeding?
And would you like to learn how to gain power over this process? If so, I would like to help you.
When we experience chronic stress, as 77% of American adults do, we put our bodies through a very dangerous level of hyper arousal that will ultimately lead to devastating health consequences.
So how do we protect ourselves and reduce the chronic stress we experience?
Stress is caused, at the most basic level, by the emotion of fear.
The basic emotion of fear is opposite the basic emotion of love - our emotions exist to drive us away from what we fear or towards what we love.
So when we ‘practice’ fear, we develop dangerous chronic stress in our bodies.
What then do you think will happen when we practice love?
This is the question that the practice of Heartfulness answers.
Heartfulness is very much like mindfulness with a focus on compassion.
Because as complex and as awesomely powerful as our brains and nervous systems are, we can not experience these opposing emotions at the same time.
So if chronic fear causes chronic stress, then chronic love (compassion) will help us reduce the stress and encourage equanimity and homeostasis in our bodies.
And I am living proof of how this will improve the health and wellbeing of our bodies and all our relationships.
Want to learn more?
‘I have so much stress!!!’
‘I am angry!!!’
‘I am stressed out and I have anxiety!!’
These are terms I hear all the time as I speak with people who just can’t show up to their lives as a result of all these big emotions and stress.
And while I don’t doubt the sincerity of people who say these kinds of things, I do object to the accuracy of these statements.
We don’t ‘have’ stress or emotions.
And we are not the stress or emotions we feel at any given time.
The truth is that we experience stress and emotions the same way we experience things like weather.
Just like the weather, the stress and emotions we experience are impermanent and passing phenomena.
And with a little training and daily practice, we can allow these phenomena to pass the same way we see the weather change from moment to moment.
(Especially in a place like Colorado where we have the saying: ‘if you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes.’)
For many of us, we have practiced stress, anxiety, and anger for so long that we’ve gotten very good at it!
Would you like to learn how to practice well being?
Let’s talk about New Years Resolutions.
We’ve all tried, and few have succeeded, to make sweeping changes in our behavior.
And the new year is a very tempting time for this effort!
But the fact is that even though we feel as though we always ‘fail’ at these attempts, I don’t think that’s true.
‘Failure’ to lose 20 pounds, for example, looks like going on and sticking to a diet for 20 weeks and finding that we haven’t lost the weight.
But that’s not what our resolutions usually look like.
What happens is more along the lines of sticking to a diet for a few days or weeks and then having that slice of pizza and declaring the diet to be over.
To me, this is self-sabotage that comes from the fear of failure.
Self Compassion - the act of supporting ourselves through difficult times, including times of failure - can eliminate this fear of failure and empower our success.
This applies as much to our daily achievements as it does to those big New Years' resolutions.
Would you like to learn how to develop this amazing power for yourself?
We all have an inner voice we carry throughout our lives.
For many of us, this inner voice is unforgiving and harsh.
It punishes us when we fail...
It tells us we’re not good enough...
It convinces us we can’t do something before we even try.
And in some ways, this inner voice itself can be a source of guilt and shame, causing a lifetime of suffering.
But when we look back on our life with self compassion and curiosity, we can see that this inner voice is not our own invention.
Instead, it was passed onto us by our parents.
And it was passed to them by their parents and grandparents in a continuous, unconscious pattern.
In the same way, we will pass it along to our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Unless we chose to consciously create an inner voice filled with self compassion and support.
Once we make this conscious choice, the rest is relatively easy.
Would you like to learn more?
At this time of year, it is quite natural to review our experiences and take stock of what we’ve lived through.
And while this is not, in and of itself, a bad process to go through, there are a couple of important and negative forces at play that will give us an inaccurate and negative view of what we’re examining.
First is the negativity bias that makes us see the negative aspects of our experience more than the positive.
Second is the way we are likely to be hard on ourselves in the face of our perceived failures.
In order to avoid the suffering these two influences are likely to cause us, I invite you to look back on the last year in a particular way:
1. Set some time aside to review the last year intentionally.
2. Consider journaling your thoughts as you go through this process.
3. Acknowledge and let go of the negativity bias.
4. Look back with self-compassion.
If you have any questions on this that aren’t covered in today’s episode, please reach out.
How often do you find yourself defending your ideas, opinions, beliefs, or convictions?
If you’re like I used to be, you’ll fall in your sword before you’ll admit that maybe your ideas and opinions are wrong in some way.
And the same is true for our thoughts.
When a thought pops into our mind, seemingly from nowhere, we are willing to believe the thought is true without the slightest challenge.
Which is fascinating, because our thoughts don’t come from nowhere.
Our thoughts arise from our memories.
And many, if not most, of our memories are implicit and passed down from generations of ancestors.
So how are these thoughts ‘ours’?
If we can apply some curiosity to this process, we can discern whether the thoughts, opinions, beliefs, or convictions are truly serving us.
That is, are they contributing to our growth and well being? Or are they detracting from our growth and well being?
If the latter is true, then defending these thoughts and convictions is a form of practicing un-wellness.
And when we find ourselves practicing un-wellness, we have the choice to let it go and practice well-being.
Without curiosity, we simply unconsciously keep practicing that which causes us suffering.
What do you think about this?
When I talk about how simple the practices of mindfulness and heartfulness are, people often ask:
“If it’s all so simple, why do people need a coach?”
And this is a great question!
The reason these simple practices can be difficult to implement in our lives is that from our earliest age, we are taught to be mostly opposite to the presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity that feed our wellbeing.
So how does a coach help?
First, the coach offers some techniques. In my case, this means simple practices.
Second, a coach offers accountability which always results in higher rates of success.
And third - and this is really the one thing a coach does that NOBODY else in our lives can- a coach offers an honest, accurate, and unbiased reflection.
And this last point, far more often than not, means showing you how well you are doing (not how poorly!)
Are you interested in learning what it’s like to work with a coach?
“Anger is an acid that does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than to the person on whom it is poured” - Mark Twain
This quote has lived in my memory for a long time and has helped me grow and heal from the damage caused by anger, resentment, and vengeful feelings I’d carried for most of my life.
And what I’ve found is that if anger is an acid that damages me, then compassion is the salve that heals me.
In today’s video, I share a few super simple compassion practices that will bring you health and well being.
These are informal practices that will help you to cultivate compassion as your nature.
I invite you to try these out and also to see if you can come up with some similar practices.
The truth is that there are nearly endless opportunities to practice compassion every day.
I wish you well and I hope you find abundant happiness today and throughout this Holiday Season.
Ah! December 23rd!!!
I remember, back when I would get completely wrapped up in the gift giving aspect of the holidays, the 23rd and 24th were just a frantic blur of stress.
Rushing around from store to store...
Squeezing the shopping in between the parties...
Maxing our my credit cards because I really couldn’t afford what I ‘needed’ to buy for everyone...
It felt like the last leg of a marathon and by the time everything was wrapped - sometime around 2am on Christmas Eve, with a couple of empty wine bottles in tow - I felt like I crossed the finish line.
And then I just felt spent.
I’d be irritable the whole time and overindulging in the egg nog until the old family arguments would ensue.
And for what?
With all the stress, I was never able to show up for the holidays.
So instead of warm and wonderful feelings that would live the nervous system of my loved ones, there was the excitement of a new toy, gadget, or jewelry.
This feeling of excitement would last maybe a few weeks or so.
But the emptiness arising from the lack of connection would last forever.
Does this resonate with you?
If so, would you like to prioritize your presence over the presents you buy?
If you knew for sure that the person helping you at the register was suffering in some way, how would that impact the way you interact with them?
Perhaps you would soften your voice a little...
Maybe you would use kind words...
And make eye contact and smile as you tell them to have a nice day.
Of course, we would all do this if we knew someone was suffering.
But we almost never assume the people around us are suffering.
In fact, we usually assume the exact opposite, especially when we’re going through some difficulty.
So as you make your way through holiday gift and food shopping these next few days, I invite you to assume the people around you are suffering in some way.
This will push you towards compassion and you will enjoy higher levels of well being as a result.
In today’s audio, I talk about a simple compassion practice you can do any time you’re waiting somewhere.
Let me know what you think.
This time of year, it is completely natural to reflect back on where we are in our lives.
But while reflection is natural and even healthy in some ways, it is important to recognize that our implicit negativity bias can make things seem more negative than they really are.
And THIS year????
Well, let’s just say that in 2020 our collective negativity bias is turned up to 11!
In today’s video, I offer three practices to help get through this holiday season with your mental, physical, and emotional health intact.
First, balancing the negativity bias by noticing what is right in your life.
Second, accepting and honoring exactly where you are right now.
And finally, a practice of self compassion.
If you would like any support for these practices, I’m happy to provide it.
And if you are struggling and need someone to hear you, I am that someone. So please reach out.
Right now, is there something I should accept?
Whenever we find ourselves struggling through an experience, there’s a very good chance we have engaged in judgment.
When we judge something as ‘Good’ we will struggle with keeping that thing as long as possible.
And when we judge something as ‘Bad’ we will struggle to get rid of that thing as soon as possible.
The struggle will manifest itself as stress in the body, which will only make things worse.
The solution is to let go of what we might be clinging to and to accept what we might be pushing away.
So by training ourselves to simply notice if there is something to accept or let go of, we can significantly reduce the harmful stress in our bodies.
There’s a super simple practice in today’s video to train yourself in this valuable habit of mindfulness.
Let me know if you have any questions!
When someone expresses themselves in an angry or threatening way, the first thing we do is act to protect ourselves.
We retreat and we close down.
Just wait for things to be safe again.
But what if we do the opposite instead?
If instead of retreating in fear, we open ourselves to understanding the reason for this person's behavior, we very likely will learn that they are acting from a place of suffering and fear themselves.
And once we understand this, we become able to open up further and try to relieve this fear and suffering.
When we remove the reason for this person's anger and aggression, we remove the threat to our own well being.
This is how empathy and compassion work together to cultivate a deep level of well being and inner peace.
Would you like to learn how to harness this power?
When we train ourselves to release the clinging and aversion to our internal and external experiences, avoiding the judgment and identification that gives rise to these unhealthy mental states, we open ourselves up to empathy.
If we become so entangled with our own problems, suffering, needs, and desires, we can’t feel those of another.
If we live in complete solitude, I guess this might be ok.
But as human beings, we live in connection with others.
Whether it is our family, colleagues, neighbors, or any of the various providers of vital services, life requires interaction.
But without empathy, it is interaction without connection and as a result, we suffer.
Would you like to develop more empathy?
From a very early age we, as humans, are trained to measure our lives in really big chunks of time.
We are a ‘seven-year-old’ or we are a ‘sixth grader’.
We look back and say ‘sophomore year was the greatest time in my life.’
We do quarterly projections and annual audits.
And all this labeling and division of time makes us believe that life happens in these huge chunks.
But life doesn’t happen in decades, or years, or quarters, or seasons, or even weeks, days, or hours.
Life happens in moments.
More specifically, life happens in one moment: this present moment.
Mindfulness is the practice of seeing that in this present moment, everything we experience - internally and externally - arises, exists for a time, and then is gone.
And mindfulness asks us to meet these experiences without clinging and aversion that arise from judgment.
It’s really that simple and it is every bit that profound.
And when we build the skill to do this in all circumstances of our lives, all that is left is the capacity for love, generosity, and kindness.
That is the dynamic nature of your existence as a human being.
As a matter of our habits, we are often unwittingly practicing the things that reduce our happiness and well being.
And most of the impetuous for these habits are steeped in our society.
That means that for most of us, living a ‘normal’ life means living an unhappy and unhealthy life.
Is it any wonder our society has so much trouble with mental and physical health?
Today I share with you a simple practice of creating a to-do list each day.
But I invite you to do this to-do list in a particular way that will feed your well being.
Please let me know if you have any questions or if you’d like a copy of written instructions for this simple, yet very effective daily practice.
Whenever we’re feeling totally overwhelmed by our emotions, there’s a very good chance our bodies are in the stress response.
And when we’re in the stress response, we’re in survival mode.
This means that we are likely to perceive anything else that happens as a potential threat, which only increases the stress and makes us react - not respond - in ways that often cause consequences that result in more stress.
I think you can see where this is going.
And this is the strongest argument for resilience.
Because the best thing we can do is to get ourselves out of the stress response where our thinking brain can take over to make decisions that result in our well being.
One of the greatest ways to develop resilience is to practice the pause.
And if you practice the pause in a certain way, you will develop your emotional intelligence at the same time.
This will result in ‘seeing’ your big emotions when they’re not so big at all and you can easily regulate yourself before you do or say something that makes things worse.
Let me know if you’d like a copy of a simple pause practice.
This is just one of the practices I’ll be covering in my course next week: Mindful for the Holidays. Let me know if you’d like info on that!
In the same way that we perceive the outer world as an expression of our own nervous system - one person feels love and excitement when they see a dog that resembled a childhood best friend, while another recoils in fear from the implicit memory of a dog bite - we process our internal reality - our emotions - in a very similar way.
I learned this through experience!
While I am not at all proud to say this, the truth is that before I learned to regulate my emotions through the practices of mindfulness and heartfulness, I was a pretty angry and rage-y person.
I was a yeller.
I would yell at restaurant servers, other drivers, coworkers, employees, my wife, my dog, my kids.
I was an equal opportunity A-Hole.
But what I can see in my conscious awareness that I couldn’t see back then is that while my yelling was quite consistent, the reactions from others were vastly different from one another.
That’s because my yelling is not what created your emotional response.
My yelling is the trigger, sure.
But how you react - whether you curl up and cry, or yell back at me - is entirely based on your unconscious emotions.
This means that you have the power to control your emotional response.
I don’t have that power over you.
Would you like to harness this power?
‘We create our reality.’
This is something I’ve heard many times and it always seems to have a woo-woo kind of ring to it.
But I think this concept transcends the spiritual woo-woo context.
Just think of the simple way in which we perceive a green bush.
A dog sees a grey bush.
A lizard or a bee sees something else entirely.
We only see a green bush because of how our nervous system translates the information it receives - in other words, it’s our perception of the world around us more than it is the world itself.
Now, what if we apply this same logic to stress?
It’s very easy for us to say things like ‘My job is stressful.’
But your job doesn’t contain stress.
The stress you experience as a result of your job is experienced because of the way you perceive your job.
And when we can experience and perceive our world through the lens of presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity, the world, for all intents and purposes, changes.
In other words, we can create the world around us.
Ah! The holidays!!! What a wonderful time of year! Right?
But also, what a stressful time of year!!!
It’s very easy to look at all the pressures this time of year - the cooking, the presents, the wrapping, the parties, the traffic - as ‘stressful’ activities.
But not only is this an inaccurate way of looking at these things, labeling them as ‘stressful’ is actually making it all much more difficult and stress-inducing.
The reason is that the stress is happening in our perception of these things, and not in the things themselves.
And mindfulness is a wonderful way to change this perception and reduce the stress response to all the aspects of our lives.
This is why I am offering a mini coaching program, starting next Monday, 12/14.
We will meet via Zoom for five days and each day I will teach you a new practice you can use to reduce your stress now, during the holidays, and for the rest of your life.
If you’re interested in learning more, leave a comment below or send me a dm.
At this time of year, it is very common and even natural to reflect on the past year of our lives.
But this activity can become a trap that leaves us feeling inadequate and opening the door to depression, anxiety, and stress.
Simply understanding the reasons for this trap is often enough to allow us to avoid the trap altogether!
Here are two reasons why we might feel this downer as we reflect on the past year:
First, doing this process unconsciously promotes inaccuracy and confusion.
This leads to...
Second, as we look back on our lives and experiences, the negativity bias - this implicit bias that directs us to notice the negative aspects about 3x more than the positive aspects of our experience - gives us a false sense of failure.
Would you like to engage in the natural process of reflection and taking stock without falling into the depression, anxiety, and stress I describe above?
‘If you had told me a year ago that my life could be like it is today, I would have called you a snake oil salesman and run away.’
Those are the words spoken by a client with whom I’ve had the immense pleasure of working with for the past year.
And she’s right - if I were to tell anyone that I could change every aspect of their life, they would be very wise to run away.
Heck, I didn’t even really make any of these changes for this or any other client.
What I did was to teach her how to cultivate non-judging awareness and the rest all just happened naturally.
Would you like to learn how to cultivate this amazing skill of non-judging awareness?
Well being is not an accident.
It’s not some kind of cosmic lottery in which some of us get to have well being and others don’t.
Well being is a skill. And like any other skill - and I do mean any other skill - it is trainable.
This means that with practice - and it turns out, not a whole lot of practice - you can develop physical, mental, and emotional well being.
One of the easiest practices to develop well being - and the one that seems to create a permanent, physiological change in the neural circuitry of the brain in an incredibly short time - is generosity.
In today’s video, I invite you to do a very simple practice every day for the rest of this month.
If you accept this invitation and do this simple practice, by New Years Day your Brain will already show signs of this permanent change.
And you will be on your way to well being.
As we experience life and the actions and words of others, we often fall into a pattern based reactivity that leads to emotions like anger and resentment.
These emotions, based in fear, will almost always trigger the stress response in our bodies, posing all kinds of mental, physical, and emotional health risks.
Practices like forgiveness and compassion will help to mitigate the negative effects of stress by neutralizing it’s source, but it’s also possible to step further back and avoid those negative emotions altogether.
Probably the best way to achieve this level of healthy interaction with the world and people around us is to simply allow curiosity to lead us.
Curiosity encourages us to understand a given person or situation.
In understanding, we find response as opposed to reaction.
We find empathy and compassion instead of anger and resentment.
And in the end, curiosity allows us to remain present and open so we can show up to our lives and the people we love.
Best of all, curiosity can be practiced and developed in less time than you might think.
Would you like to learn more?
Like many people, I grew up believing that forgiveness was a sign of weakness.
I believed that forgiving someone for hurting me was tantamount to allowing them to hurt me again.
Furthermore, I believed that by holding onto the anger for this person, I would somehow gain some retribution.
By holding onto the anger, I would give this person their comeuppance.
I know now, through very real medical and scientific evidence, that the complete opposite is true - that, in fact, by holding onto the anger and resentment, I was only hurting myself, physically and emotionally.
(Not to mention the suffering I caused to my friends and loved ones in the process!)
But it was one day, five years ago, that this lesson came full circle for me and it was one of the biggest lessons I’d ever learned.
If you’re interested in the whole story, you can watch the full video I posted to my YouTube channel today.
If you have someone in your life you feel like you can’t forgive - even if that person is you - I invite you to spend a few moments today and consider forgiving them.
No other action is necessary.
Just close your eyes for a minute or two and imagine forgiving this person and see how it feels.
‘I am _______’
The blank can be filled in with an emotion, a limitation to performance, a physical attribute, etc.
But whatever you’re putting in that blank, the statement is simply untrue.
No human being can be defined by any single aspect of existence.
We are so much more than any description!!!
A more accurate statement would be ‘I am experiencing _________ in my body right now.’
The trouble is that we tend to believe our thoughts and internal dialogue.
So when we say ‘I am forgetful’ we will experience the emotion of fear.
And this will lead to stress in our body.
And this can (and often does) lead to all manner of limiting beliefs.
These beliefs become part of the empathic resonance I talked about the other day, and when this happens, it inaccurately colors every aspect of our lives.
The process of going from an existential to experiential view of our emotions, bodies, habits, etc is called non-identification.
Would you like a free practice to help you develop non-identification?
‘People won’t remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.’
In every situation - every moment of every day - we are resonating energy that those people around us are feeling.
I know this might sound like some woo-woo fantasy concept, but it has been borne out in hard-nosed neuroscience.
Self regulation allows us to resonate our authenticity, while dysregulation allows us to resonate the conflict inside us.
In today’s video, I offer a very simple, yet powerful practice to intentionally resonate the real you, and not the confusion that comes from lack of regulation.
One of the greatest tools we have to regulate our response to an emotional trigger is The Pause.
When we pause for a few moments, we reclaim our power and shift from reaction to response.
Of course, self awareness is still key to regulation, so the formal and informal meditation practices are incredibly valuable.
But training ourselves to pause is a wonderful companion to awareness.
Training yourself in this counterintuitive skill is as easy as setting a timer to go off a few times each day.
When the timer sounds, simply stop what you’re doing for as little as a few seconds and bring awareness to your body, your thoughts, and your emotions.
Do this every day for about a month and it will become a very beneficial habit.
If you have any questions, or if you’d like written instructions for this practice, let me know with an email: art@artburnscoaching.com.
As life unfolds, moment by moment, we can find ourselves in a place of well being - we feel stable, yet flexible to adjust to the moment by moment unfolding experience.
This is when we feel in the flow.
Dr Dan Siegel calls it the River of Well Being.
Outside this river of well being are the banks of chaos and rigidity.
When we find ourselves in the river of well being, it means our brain is working in integration.
On either of the two banks, or brain is dis-integrated.
The formal and informal practices of mindfulness promote integration in the brain and also develop the self awareness to know when we have drifted to one of the banks.
When we know we have drifted into chaos or rigidity, there are actions we can take to get ourselves back to well being.
I share one such exercise in today’s episode.
Please let me know if you’d like to learn more.
Self regulation is one of many superpowers that result from mindfulness practices.
Life without self regulation is like trying to ride a horse backwards.
You are just along for the ride and hoping you don’t hurt yourself or others.
But with practice, you can learn to ride properly and in control, keeping yourself and everyone in your life safe from the damages that might be caused by your emotions.
https://youtu.be/F1tkphSD4yQ
Would you like to spend 10 minutes per day to develop this superpower?
If you’re ready to start, click here:
https://calendly.com/artburns/45-min-coaching-session
Left unchecked, our thoughts will fuel and propel our emotions to the point that we become susceptible to reactivity or angry intention.
Sometimes, of course, anger is appropriate and effective.
But many times it’s not.
And this is what regulation is all about.
When we are regulated, we are in control of whether we let our anger blossom or not, depending on our own assessment of the given situation.
The key to regulation - that is, the very source of regulation - is awareness.
Only when we are aware of the building momentum between our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations can we have any hope of properly regulating the whole process for the benefit of ourselves and those around us.
Oftentimes, I suggest to my clients that they do their formal meditation first thing in the morning.
There are a couple of reasons for this:
One, doing a meditation in the morning sets a beautiful and wonderful tone for the day.
And two, when we do our meditation in the morning, we don’t have to worry about finding the time later in the day to do it.
But the downside to this is that we might have the feeling that we’re done for the day.
And with this feeling of being done for the day, we may wind up unwittingly practicing the things that cause us stress and take away our happiness.
Fortunately, this is very easy to avoid with simple, informal practices that don’t take any extra time and hardly any extra effort.
Would you like to learn some simple informal practices?
May I have your attention, please?
From our earliest years as children, we are told to ‘pay attention.’
When the general walks into the room, everyone stands ‘At attention.’
Social media platform algorithms measure your attention to what you engage with and give you more of that content.
Why?
Because your attention is what they sell to advertisers.
Same as tv and radio have been doing for a hundred years.
Neuroscientists and psychologists tell us that presence is equivalent to happiness, that a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.
And child psychologists tell us the most valuable resource we can give to our children is our presence... which means our attention.
So... Do I have your attention yet?
Do you see the value of your attention?
Do you think 10 minutes a day to gain command over your attention is a worthwhile investment?
Me: ‘Do you have any experience with meditation or mindfulness practices?’
Almost everyone: ‘Yeah, I use the ______ app when I get stressed and it calms me right down.’
Now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with using an app! (Unless you forget your phone, charger, or headphones that day 🤷🏻♀️)
But what this answer tells me right away is that the person is using meditation as a kinda rescue tool.
They’re plugging into the app in a time of stress so they can ‘bliss out’ and calm their nervous system.
When I help people develop a daily practice (no battery or headphones needed!), I’m helping them to develop the trait of living in presence and without stress and anxiety.
It’s kinda like someone goes and gets a massage every week or so because their muscles are so tense, but instead, you teach this person to do a few easy stretches in the morning.
The stretches feel really good, and by doing them every morning, their muscles never get to that state of tension, so they don’t need to get a massage every week.
Of course, they can get a massage whenever they want, as a treat.
But they never need a massage again.
Would you like to learn how to develop the trait of bliss (as opposed to the state of bliss)?
Who am I?
Am I my thoughts?
Am I the roles that I play?
Am I the ego that I present to the world?
Who am I?
When we expand our awareness, we find that the root of much of the stress we experience arises from the confusion and conflict of our roles and our ego.
We can see that operating from the place of our roles and ego prevents us from living with presence, acceptance, compassion, and curiosity.
And we can see that our happiness doesn’t come from our roles or from our external experiences.
Our happiness comes from our authentic self.
‘Life is the curriculum.’ - Jon Kabat-Zinn
This is a quote I hold near all the time.
The idea is that life will always offer us opportunities to learn.
There is a catch to this, though:
If we are labeling our experiences as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ experiences, then there is no way to learn from them.
Case in point, last week I was in a bicycle accident that resulted in a great deal of physical pain.
If I label pain as a ‘bad’ experience, I will focus on doing whatever I need to do to find relief.
But if I accept the ‘as-is-ness’ of the physical experience of my pain, then I can be present with it and learn about my physical sensations.
The product of this learning is emotional intelligence, which is one of the most valuable understandings one can have.
And this value is derived directly from my ability to be present, accepting, compassionate, and curious about my experience.
What do you think about this?
Today is World Kindness Day!!!!
And what better way for me to celebrate than to offer a video on the value and importance of kindness and compassion.
Kindness and compassion are associated with lower levels of stress, depression, and anxiety; and these are associated with higher levels of happiness, fulfillment, optimism, and general wellness.
But to me, the most important benefit of kindness and compassion is that the practice of them opens us up to fully experiencing life.
When we engage in the opposite of kindness, and we think of the person who is the object of this opposite of kindness, we trigger the stress response in our bodies.
Meaning, all of our energy and resources are devoted to reconciling this danger or harm we perceive.
And when we are in this place of trying to resolve these fear based emotions, if someone we love reaches out to us in that moment, we simply aren’t available to them.
We simply aren’t able to be present.
Which means, we simply aren’t able to be happy.
So today (and every day) I invite you to set an intention to be kind to yourself and others.
And if you’d like to learn a super simple practice to help cultivate kindness and compassion, please let me know!
Have you ever heard of the Default Mode Network?
If you answered ‘no’ to that question, I’d like to let you know that you have certainly experienced it many times.
The DMN is a particular circuit of neurons in your brain that becomes active when you are not.
Any time you’re ‘doing nothing’ or engaged in an automatic activity (ie: washing dishes, driving your car, brushing your teeth), the DMN is highly active.
In the most simplistic terms, you could say the DMN is the wandering mind.
But it turns out that when our mind wanders, it mostly wanders to negative thoughts.
Specifically, negative thoughts about ourselves.
The result is a sense of isolation, which is the breeding ground for depression, anxiety, and stress.
The good news is that it is super simple to counteract this effect and diminish the power of your DMN.
This solution is as simple as paying attention to your unfolding, moment-to-moment experience.
Would you like to learn how to do this?
Our emotions motivate just about every action we take in our lives.
Any time you are motivated towards what you love or away from what you feel, you have your emotions to thank for it.
For this reason, one of the most valuable skills we can possess is the skill of self regulation.
Self regulation, in the face of our emotions, allows us to be present and therefore happy.
And self regulation, in the face of our emotions, allows us to make decisions and take actions that work toward - and not against - our benefit.
When we look at it like this, it is easy to see why self regulation is such a valuable skill!
More importantly, though, because self regulation is a skill, it is trainable.
Would you like to know how to train yourself in this skill?
As we experience life, we experience people.
Most of the time, the people in our lives are a source of emotional nourishment.
A lot of the time, the people we experience are neutral, nameless, and faceless and give us no reason to even remember them.
But some of the time, the people in our lives are a source of emotionally driven stress.
Maybe it’s a coworker who gets up our sleeve.
Perhaps it’s an anonymous person who cut us off on our drive home.
Or it could even be a family member who is pushing our buttons.
In any of these examples, the tension caused by our judgment of these people creates the condition for stress in our bodies.
So it is in our best interest to let go of the anger and resentment caused by these people.
One way to do that is to remind yourself that everyone - including you - is simply doing what they feel they need to do in order to be happy and free from suffering.
Another way is to picture this person as a very young baby.
This will help us see the inner nobility that exists within every person, no matter how deeply it is covered with hardness and meanness.
If you’d like to learn a simple daily practice to develop compassion for even the most difficult people in our lives, please comment below or send me a direct message.
When we become triggered and our stress rises, it’s natural to think of the specific stressor that caused this to happen.
Maybe it’s a traffic jam when you’re on the way to an important meeting.
But the thing is that the traffic jam alone, and the resulting stress you feel in your body, did not happen in a vacuum.
In reality, several other, seemingly minor experiences have primed your body and mind for that stress response.
It’s the email from a colleague; it’s the argument with our kid or spouse; it’s the coffee that got cold before we could drink it.
All of these experiences kinda inch us closer to the stress response that hijacks our day.
But we can go back even further.
Every moment of your life - especially the absolutely mundane and banal moments that we don’t recognize - offers an opportunity to be present.
And when we practice this presence, we maintain our balance and grounding and the domino effect of minor stressors leading to major stressors doesn’t have a chance to happen.
Would you like to learn more?
I get asked a lot for tips on how to deal with the stress and/or anxiety from a specific event happening in someone’s life. And while I always try to help by offering simple, on demand relaxation techniques, I do so with reservation. Not because I don’t want to help people get past this particular struggle. But because it is overwhelmingly likely that it will be like putting a band aid on a wound that requires deeper solutions. Stress is caused by life’s external experiences. And life has no shortage of these, for sure! So when we try to address stress in reaction - that is, after we’ve been triggered - it is often a losing battle. But when we develop a new, foundational way to respond to life’s difficulties, we can avoid the stress response entirely. This is where a daily practice comes in. Would you like to develop a daily practice that will allow you to live free from the damaging stress response?
I know so many people who are having a really difficult time today, so I offer some tips for getting through with your health and happiness intact.
When you feel yourself overwhelmed with grief or anger or fear today, I invite you to sense into your body for 30-60 seconds.
Use your breath or any of your five senses.
If you feel yourself thinking ‘I wish things were different!’ Or ‘Why does it have to be this way?’ I invite you to remember that you can’t control the outcome, but you can control your response.
Acceptance of reality, as is and just for right now, is the path to this control and, ultimately, to your well being.
And if you find yourself feeling resentment for people who support the opposite party from you, I invite you to remember that those people are acting in a way that they feel will relieve their own suffering.
Compassion and forgiveness are your path to shedding the weight of the anger that damages you far more than any person to whom you direct it.
Finally, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, please reach out to me so I can help you get through this.
“That didn’t count! OK?”
Those are the words I heard my son say to his online gaming friends the other day.
And as I stood in the kitchen, those words stopped me in my tracks and made me remember what is arguably the most important aspect of childhood: The Do-Over.
When we are young, the concept of the do-over is the tool that allows us to learn.
But as adults, we tend to get into the idea that there are no more do-overs.
We learn to live with the consequences of our decisions to such an extent that we lose sight of how much control we really have over our ability to be happy.
Check out the video for a terrific practice that can help you turn around whatever is reducing your happiness.
“Time is the money of love.” -Kinky Friedman
I remember reading this quote on a business trip not long after I got married, and it hit home so strongly.
Everything I saw, every meal I ate, I wanted to share with my Wife.
It wasn’t the things I was seeing or the food I was eating that I wanted to share with her.
It was the TIME.
But the thing is, not all time is of equal value.
Just like not all money is of equal value.
You can spend money on something that gives nothing back to you and feel like it’s wasted.
Or you could spend the same money on something that nourishes you and feel that you made a wonderful investment.
Same money. Different intention.
When we spend time with those we love, we can be totally present with them and gain cyclical, resonant nourishment.
Or we can be distracted by our phone or preoccupied and wandering mind and come away feeling empty and unnourished.
The choice is ours.
So how do you choose to spend your time with the people you love (including yourself)?
For many of us, and it certainly used to be for me personally, life is perceived as a series of events that lead to some kind of happiness that exists ‘out there somewhere’.
This sets up a mindset of striving that we unwittingly practice for our entire lives.
At 8:00 in the morning, we’re striving to get to 3:30 so we can play with our friends.
On Monday morning, we’re striving toward Friday and the wonderful weekend.
On the first day of 3rd grade, we’re striving toward 4th grade, because that’s one step closer to the happiness ‘out there.’
As we live this way, striving becomes the natural state of our bodies and minds.
It feels normal and natural.
And we find ourselves just ‘getting through’ our lives.
But when we practice the opposite of all this striving, we gain patience.
We become aligned with that two-year-old we once were, when we could happily play with a beetle and a blade of grass we found on a walk for hours on end.
In this patience, we come to understand that life doesn’t happen ‘out there’ in some mysterious goal.
Life happens right here, right now.
What do you think about this?
One of the most vital skills any person can possess is self-confidence.
In every area of life and in every occupation, self-confidence allows us to meet every moment with openness and creativity and leads to growth and learning even in the face of abject failure.
But how do we gain self-confidence?
It’s not through bravery.
It’s not through self-esteem.
It might surprise you to know that it really comes from self-awareness.
Honest, non-judging, self-awareness leads to accurate self-assessment.
And this self-assessment - knowing where we thrive as well as where we fall short - allows us to make decisions and take actions that play to our strengths while approaching our weaknesses with trepidation.
But more importantly, the self-assessment allows us to identify and target those areas of weakness so we can work to improve them.
Would you like more self-confidence?
A long time ago, a lady friend of mine called me up and asked if I wanted to go out for some drinks.
Feeling a bit tired, I said I’d rather stay in.
But, she argued, ‘I just got my hair cut! I look too good to stay home!’
We all know that feeling, right?
Maybe it’s not a haircut, but it’s a new jacket. Or driving our new car.
Whatever it is, we want to take it out and let the world experience us.
It’s an excitement... a confidence... a resulting state of flow.
Well, the same is true with the practices that I talk about in these videos!
As we develop the skills I talk about here, we gain confidence and a flow and we are inspired to go out and live life!
How would you like to feel this confidence and passion every day, no matter what external circumstances may be present?
On this cold, grey, and snowy Monday morning, I want to talk about happiness.
Because even in the uncomfortable and unpleasant times, happiness is available to us.
When we only find happiness in the face of positive experiences like getting a compliment, a raise, a gadget... we find that happiness is fleeting and unsustainable.
But when happiness comes from within, it is unshakable and so much more powerful.
The key to this kind of happiness is presence, acceptance, compassion (for self and others), and curiosity.
And with a little practice, this is a skill anyone can develop in a matter of weeks!
Would you like to be as happy on Monday morning as you are on Friday night?
Let me know in a comment or a reply.
So much of our stress is caused by the physical sensations in our bodies.
And when we bring awareness to the physical sensations of our bodies, not only can we gain insight into our stress, we have the power to affect a change to the stress response.
One of the most effective ways to do this is also one of the easiest things you can do.
It’s something that’s always available to you, anytime, anywhere.
It feels great for you and will help others feel great too.
This thing I’m talking about is your smile.
Have you ever thought about practicing smiling to reduce stress and increase your wellness?
Because stress is so common for so many people, most folks don’t even realize they’re experiencing stress.
They’ll call it a mood.
They’ll say they’re just having a rough day.
They’ll just call it a headache.
But the reality is that it is stress and it is very hazardous to our long term health.
And because the stress our bodies is triggered by fear, most of the time it actually works against our ability to devise a creative solution to whatever we’re afraid of.
Of course, this stress also stands in the way of our ability to be present for our lives and loved ones.
The key to hacking this process and reducing this dangerous fear in our bodies is to bring awareness to the thoughts, emotions, and sensations that cause it.
Would you like to learn more?
‘I always feel like there’s just not enough time in my day.’
When I hear this from someone, I know that this person suffers from chronic stress.
They don’t know it, because they feel ‘normal’...
Because they just have a high pressure job...
Because parenting is hard and demanding.
But I know it because, about 10 years ago, I learned to see my chronic stress.
And once I learned to see my stress, the next step of controlling my stress was easy.
When we see our stress in our body at the early stage - a simple and otherwise hardly noticeable physical sensation - it is very manageable.
But when we don’t see it until it’s hijacked our day, there are few options available to us and we’re mostly in damage control mode at this point.
Would you like to learn to see the stress in your body when it’s just a teeny little feeling?
“Well being is a skill”
This is how the world-renown neuroscientist, Richie Davidson, opened a wonderful talk I just watched for the umpteenth time (link in the comments).
What he’s saying here is that through practice, well being can be developed in the very same way any other skill can be.
And the thing is, we are always practicing one way or another in our lives.
If we are consistently looking at the negative aspects of our lives, we are practicing negativity.
If we allow our mind to wander consistently, we are practicing mind wandering.
The bottom line is that we are either building the skill of well being.
Or we are building the skill of taking ourselves away from well being.
So what are you practicing today?
And is it moving you closer to or further from well being.
Here is a link to the Richie Davidson Talk I reference in today's episode:
https://youtu.be/HeBpsiFQiTI
And here is a link to the wonderful Lovingkindness practice that helped me so deeply:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Kwuia7_wbSW4ILlOMQaIUGkihbZ0L1mj/view?usp=sharing
Please reach out with any questions or assistance you may need!
Acceptance of what is happening, as it’s happening is often the difference between showing up as our authentic, creatively dynamic self and showing up as our stressed-out survival self.
Of course, in almost every situation, our dynamically creative self will yield more favorable results in our lives.
In the same way, letting go is a powerful tool we can use to align with this dynamically creative self.
Most of the fear, and the limiting stress it causes in our bodies, is brought on by the comparison of what is to ‘what is supposed to be.’
But much of these ideas of how things ‘are supposed to be’ are determined by unconscious programming that comes from our very early years or even from generations that came before us.
When we examine these and allow ourselves to let go of them, we release ourselves from the fear and limiting stress and then we can truly show up for our lives.
Are you interested in learning how to let go?
What could possibly go...
RIGHT????
As we plan for events in our lives, or we react to present circumstances in our lives, we find ourselves asking the question: ‘What might go wrong here?’
And while this is a natural and well meaning function of our brains in the interest of keeping us safe, it sets up a negative potential.
You see, to your brain, there is no difference between an actual experience and the thought of an actual experience.
So when you think of the things that might go wrong, your brain is living those things.
Which brings us to another way the brain functions: we determine potential based on past experience.
This means that your brain will think that the only potential outcomes to this experience are negative.
So one way we can give our brain some positive experience on which to base a positive outcome is to ask: ‘What could possibly go right here?’
Our Ego - the image we have of ourselves that we show the world - is mostly based on the patterns and implicit biases we develop in the very early stages of our lives.
These patterns and biases, instead of being formed intentionally, are created unconsciously by our parents, teachers, coaches, etc.
It becomes the model by which we judge ‘the right way to be.’
But all this influence is not simply unconscious.
It is really unconsciously passed down through several generations before us.
For this reason, this thing we call our ego is often very detached and dissonant from what is our authentic self.
And the more dissonance, the greater levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and addiction issues we are likely to experience.
Also, the more dissonance, the less happiness, and satisfaction we will know.
Would you like to intentionally align with your authentic self?
What stands in your way of being the parent you want to be?
What takes away your confidence and trust in yourself?
And if you’re not a parent, what stands in the way of your happiness and fulfillment?
If you’re like most people, it might have something to do with your own self talk.
While this can be hard to acknowledge and even harder to accept, the good news is that it’s probably a lot easier to change than you think it is.
Would you like to know how?
As we practice GRATITUDE, we notice the positive aspects of our experiences.
As we practice COMPASSION, we allow ourselves heart felt emotions within our interpersonal experiences.
And when we practice FORGIVENESS, we allow ourselves happiness, joy, and balance even in the face of intentional wrongdoing by another.
The result of all these practices has less to do with the object of the practice - ie: the person who has done something to harm us - and much more to do with our own well being.
In the end, these practices conspire to allow us to SHOW UP for our lives.
How are YOU showing up for your life today?
Would you like some help in showing up in a more beneficial way?
In our interpersonal experiences, we are often triggered by the way we perceive other people treating us.
Our fear-based stress response puts us in a state in which we are not available for our life.
We’re not available for our loved ones (especially our kids!)
We’re not available for our own happiness or we’ll being either.
The physiological reason for the stress response is the way we perceive the other person’s motivation.
If we’re driving down the road and someone cuts us off, we might spend a huge amount of time immersed in negative emotions like anger and resentment, arising from fear.
But what if we realize that this person is rushing to the hospital because someone they love had been hurt?
Now we have a much different emotional response, right?
Well, the truth is that in almost every instance, people are doing things because they believe those things will reduce their suffering or increase their happiness.
And when we can perceive every interpersonal experience with this assumption, we will stay clear of the emotional trigger and stress that take away our happiness.
You can develop this assumption as a habit through the simple practice of compassion.
Would you like to learn how?
One of the most profound influences on our thoughts, and therefore on our lives, is something called the negativity bias.
The negativity bias is the unconscious inclination of our mind to notice the negative over the positive.
It doesn’t mean we actually experience more negative things in our lives.
We just notice the negative more than the positive.
So when we pay attention to the positive aspects of our lives through gratitude and compassion practices, we create a balance of our thoughts and open ourselves up to the potential we never considered before.
We can see pleasure in the mundane aspects of life.
We can see the benefit of even the most difficult experiences of our lives.
And we can see the good in the most hurtful people.
This ability is a skill. And like any other skill, it is trainable.
Would you like to learn some simple practices to train these skills in your life?
The next time you think something is impossible for you, I want you to remember this story.
It’s a story about running.
Particularly, it’s a story about The Four Minute Mile.
For many years, The Four Minute mike was held as the Holy Grail for track runners.
In 1945, someone ran a mile faster than anyone before, at 4:01:03.
And for the next nine years, no one could close that gap of fewer than 1.5 seconds.
But on a rainy and windy evening in Oxford, England, after working all day at the hospital, Sir Roger Bannister ran a mile in 3:59:04.
He had abundant evidence, like everyone else in the running world, to believe it was impossible.
But he thought he could do it and he did.
And then something really fascinating happened: 46 days later, another runner broke the four-minute barrier.
And since then, over 1,300 runners have done it.
So how is it that for so many years this thing seemed impossible and now was nearly routine?
Because once one person did it, those who followed him thought it could be done.
So the next time you think something is impossible in your life, I invite you to think the opposite and keep going.
The world around us is created by our thoughts.
Of course, I wish it were true that if I just think of a brand new car sitting in my driveway, it will magically appear.
But that’s not what I mean.
What I mean is that when you think something about the world or the people in it, that’s what or who is going to show up.
If you think Monday is going to be a crappy day, then your brain will filter out any evidence to the contrary and you will indeed see a crappy day.
It doesn’t mean that the day actually is crappy. But it will seem that way to you.
If you see a willful and difficult child in front of you, then that’s the child who’ll be there.
It doesn’t mean that your child is ‘only’ difficult and willful. But that is ‘only’ what you will see.
Check out the video for a super simple practice to neutralize this thought-based bias and start seeing things in a way that will allow for happiness, confidence, and connection in every area of your life.
The metaphor ‘Train of Thought’ could possibly be the most accurate metaphor ever created.
The human brain processes around 60,000 thoughts per day, so just think of how small these have to be and how quickly they must move through in order to keep up that rate!
Yet, many times, we make our thoughts so big and scary, and then our thoughts influence our emotions.
Then our emotions motivate our actions, which have real-world consequences and can often make a challenging experience more challenging.
The key to breaking this cycle is to stop judging our thoughts.
And a great way to do that is to employ curiosity.
What do you think? (See what I did there?)
With more than 77% of American adults experiencing chronic stress, it is one of the most common afflictions of our culture.
Yet, ironically, it happens to be one of the most often misunderstood.
Most of us attribute our stress to the external experiences of our lives.
We think traffic is stress.
We think our kids behavior is stress.
We think work is stress.
But the truth is that these external experiences are the things that cause our stress.
To be clear, it’s our mental and emotional relationship to the outcomes of these things that cause our stress.
Stress is the physical, embodied response to a mental and/or emotional experience.
Therefore, the way to reduce stress is to become more familiar - more aware - of how it feels in our body.
Developing this awareness allows us to address the stress before it hijacks our day.
Check out the video for some simple practice suggestions.
And if you’d like some more support, please drop a comment below or reach out with a message.
As a stress reduction coach, I get to talk to a lot of stressed out people.
People from all walks of life.
And one very common thing I hear from people when we start talking about mindfulness and meditation is that they crave that moment of bliss.
Of course, moments of bliss are wonderful!
In fact, they’re downright... Er... Blissful.
But moments of bliss don’t last forever and pretty soon the bliss we feel wears off and the stressors of life - which didn’t go away during the moment of bliss, we simply ignored them - take over again and put us right back in survival mode.
Mindfulness is not about bypassing our stress with bliss.
Instead, mindfulness is about learning to live life with presence, acceptance, and compassion so we can permanently rid ourselves of the chronic stress that affects so many people.
So bliss is always accessible to us in every moment!
And all it takes is a few minutes a day.
How does that sound to you?
How important is awareness of our thoughts?
Well, virtually any time we find ourselves overwhelmed with negative emotions that cause uncomfortable, even painful, sensations in our bodies, we can trace it back to one single thought that started the whole thing.
So when we can notice that one single thought - anything from a bad experience with a bicycle mechanic to a leaky faucet or an inconvenient expense of some kind - we can choose to interrupt the cycle of negativity before it gains so much momentum that it hijacks our day.
Think of a train approaching from a half mile away... you hear the horn and see a little puff of smoke on the horizon.
At this point, you can do anything you want to avoid the danger that train may pose.
It is simply not a threat at that point.
But if you don’t see the train until it’s 50 meters away, now it is one of the most dangerous and threatening things you can possibly experience.
The same could be said of your thoughts and emotions.
When you develop vivid awareness, you maintain control and easily protect yourself from the harmful consequences of your negative thoughts.
What do you think?
Back in the period of my life when I was afflicted with chronic stress, I felt like there was never enough time.
I was always rushing and in a panic about the next thing on my list.
And I was never really present with what was happening to me at any given moment.
But once I learned about the stress response of my body, I realized that this perception was actually caused by the stress.
Not the other way around.
And once I learned how to ground myself in the present moment, with acceptance and compassion, I realized that I had much more time available to me that I’d ever thought.
I’ve seen the same result in so many people who felt just like I used to feel.
And they all achieved the results with the same simple practices I did.
Do you often feel short on time?
Would you like to learn more?
In our society, we tend to put a very high value on striving.
And it’s baked into the system.
When we get to the end of kindergarten, we celebrate with a ‘moving up’ ceremony.
And every year, as the grade numbers get higher and higher, we’re constantly preparing for the next phase:
The career.
The spouse.
The home.
The family.
The bigger home.
The better job.
And it goes on and on until we look back on our lives and say: ‘How did my kids grow up so fast?’
There’s nothing wrong with having big goals and wanting these things for ourselves and our families.
But if we don’t balance our happiness now with our desire for the future, we miss out on so much.
Watch the video to learn how this mindset impacts the way we perceive the behavior of our kids. ❤️
In my work as a coach who focuses on emotional intelligence, I talk a lot about fear.
Of course, fear is the very basis of all the negative emotions we can possibly feel.
But I mean negative in the sense of polarity.
Not in the sense of ‘bad’ as opposed to ‘good’.
To see fear in this non-judging way is important, because it allows us to accept fear and learn from it.
By judging our fear, we actually wind up living in it.
But by befriending our fear, we can transform it from a future-based sense of anxiety to a present moment awareness of danger.
From this non judging awareness, we can use logic and understanding to move from anxiety to excitement.
And in excitement, we will almost always find creativity and fun.
This will allow for beaming self confidence and destroy any limiting beliefs we might hold.
And our outcomes will automatically be more beneficial to us and all those whose lives we touch.
What do you think about this?
One of the most powerful and beneficial ways we can invest in our own well being, is to spend some time focusing on the positive things in our lives.
And no matter how difficult life may seem today, there are always things for which you can be grateful.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
So, by noticing these positive aspects of your life, you can drown out some of that negative mental chatter.
In the absence of this negative chatter, you can see, and actively acknowledge your own true potential.
Your potential as a dynamic, creative, and compassionate human being.
When you acknowledge this potential within yourself, you will acknowledge the same potential in everyone around you.
And now you’ve started a virtuous cycle, because as you see this potential in others, they will see it in themselves.
So through this altruistic action, you will elevate everyone who’s lives you touch every day:
Your kids, your coworkers, the barista you see in the morning, and everyone in between.
And the benefits you will realize through this are hard to even describe, but super easy to feel.
How do you feel about this potential within you?
If you doubt what I’m saying, let me prove it to you.
One of the most common questions that comes up with my clients is: Is social media ok to do with this mindfulness work.
And often, especially with my clients who are parents, this is followed by a desperate plea: Please don’t take away my social media!!! It’s my only break!!!
Well, the good news is that yes, social media can be done in alignment with mindfulness practices; and no, I’m not going to ask you to give up your social media breaks.
What I will invite you to do, is to be intentional about your social media activity.
And you can even use your social media as a mindfulness practice! Here’s how:
First, set these intentions:
-
This is an appropriate time for me to be on social media.
-
I’m going to be on for ‘X’ minutes.
-
This is why I’m going on (what I’m planning to do)
Now, set a timer for three minutes or less (even if you plan to be on for 20 minutes).
When the timer sounds, pause for a minute and check to see if you’re meeting the intentions you set.
And then check in with how your body is feeling.
Do you feel tension, anxiety, stress, depression?
Or do you feel joy, happiness, inspiration, or relaxation?
Now, use the answers to these questions to alter your social media activity so it serves you.
Being aware of our implicit programming is beneficial for all of us.
But for parents, it’s nothing less than vital.
Whether it comes through generational cycles or in our early years of watching those closest to us reacting and responding to the experiences of life, we are all operating from this programming.
Some of it is positive and helpful.
But some of it might not be serving us (you don’t need to be afraid of every dog you see just because of one bad experience as a small child).
When it comes to parenting, if we can live in alignment with our integrity and our ideals, then this is the programming we’re giving our kids to carry with them for the rest of their lives.
And coming into this alignment requires nothing more than 10 minutes a day.
What do you think about this?
“Live out your imagination instead of your memories”
This was a social media post I came upon yesterday and it really caught my attention.
I paused and sat with it for a few moments.
What it is really saying is: live out your POTENTIAL instead of your LIMITATIONS.
And this is profound advice!
The trouble is that, given the way our minds’ programming works, our memories define for us the potential of our future.
And because we’ve all lived this way for so long, it might take more than a clever Facebook post to break free from this cycle.
Mindfulness practices - grounding ourselves in the present moment in non-judging awareness - will help us to see the impact of living in our memory.
But we can complement this in a very powerful way with a practice of self discovery: journaling.
When we take just a few minutes a day to write out how we perceive our emotional and mental experiences, we uncover the patterns created by our implicit memories and traumas and we come to understand how these patterns limit our potential.
I have been journaling in a very specific way (including using specific prompts) for over three years now and it has worked wonders for me!
Have you ever done any journaling?
When we are faced with a pragmatic challenge in our life, we automatically want a pragmatic solution.
But a lot of times, such as what we’re seeing now with Covid 19, there are no pragmatic solutions.
So that leaves us with how we RESPOND, emotionally, to the challenge we face.
We can respond with presence, acceptance, and compassion.
Or we can focus on outcomes and causes, turn away from the challenge (saying ‘this isn’t fair!!!), and engaging in the negative emotions of fear and anger.
In the former, we can show up with all our resources and capabilities, making the most of a bad situation.
In the latter, we are reactive and will likely cause further problems, making this bad situation worse.
In any instance like this, you have the choice to meet reality with presence, acceptance, and compassion.
With practice, this can become your default response.
If you’d like to learn about how to develop this vital life skill, leave a comment or send me a message so we can set up some time to chat.
Of all the amazing and wonderful things our minds do every day, there are two things our minds are really good at that don’t always serve us.
First, our minds will have a tendency to prejudge our experiences.
We’ll tend to assume our conclusions are correct without ever challenging them.
Secondly, our minds will very quickly and efficiently construct vivid and elaborate stories to confirm that pre judgment.
And because we are wired for survival, these prejudgments and the confirming stories will almost ALWAYS push us toward the worst possible outcome.
But you can challenge this automatic process and free yourself from the emotional hijack that often results.
Would you like to know how?
Right now, in this present moment, are you showing up to your life?
The answer might not be as obvious as you think.
Of course, you’re here. Right? Your body is doing whatever it’s doing.
But as your body is in this moment, is your mental and emotional attention here as well?
And, for that matter, are you currently aligned with your integrity?
That is to say, would you be proud of the way you’re interacting with the world in this present moment?
Are you being the parent you want to be?
The coworker?
The driver?
The shopper?
This is what I call ‘Showing Up for Life’.
And it’s not automatic!
In fact, it’s a skill to show up for life on a regular and consistent basis.
And like any skill, it is trainable.
Check out the audio for a simple practice you can do - today! - to start developing this life skill and start enjoying the richness and depth of every moment in your life.
In my son’s favorite game, Minecraft, there are two modes: creative mode and survival mode.
When I learned this, of course, bells went off in my head because these are the same modes of our bodies:
Stress is survival mode.
And homeostasis (the opposite of stress) is creative mode.
In Minecraft, when you are playing in creative mode, you are constructing and developing the world around you. The ‘bad guys’ are still around, but they don’t bother you while you’re in creative mode.
I love this metaphor for helping our children construct their emotional intelligence!
When our kids are with us, we can provide this safety for them to build awareness of their emotions, which leads to the ability to regulate them in the ‘survival mode’ world outside the home.
This means that we should help them develop this awareness through asking them questions about their emotions and not trying to fix things for them, reminding ourselves that we’re not in survival mode.
In order to provide this safe place for our kids, we must be in creative mode ourselves.
That is, we must be free from stress and the difficult survival emotions associated with stress so our kids feel safe.
What do you think about this?
mindfulness #selfcompassion #presence #acceptance #mindfulparenting
One of the most common sources of the stress response is the unwillingness to forgive ourselves or others.
Most of us think that offering forgiveness gives license to whoever has done something to hurt us.
But forgiveness is much more for ourselves than it is for others.
This is because unforgiveness has the same physical effect on us as the stress response.
So I invite you to see if offering forgiveness to yourself or others gives you a sense of calm. Try it out!
A great way to facilitate this for yourself is to reframe the way you see someone’s motives.
Check out the video and let me know what you think.
When we experience stress in our bodies, it is helpful - and accurate - to call it the stress response.
This is because our bodies are RESPONDING to something.
On the positive side of stress, we’re responding to excitement.
On the negative side, we’re responding to fear.
This distress is dangerous enough for us as people - our physical, mental, and emotional health suffers from chronic distress - but it’s even more dangerous for our kids!
Even when we think we’re putting on a happy face and fooling everyone, our children, who are acutely attuned to us, see the stress.
And it causes them to be afraid.
Which elicits the same stress response in THEIR bodies.
Not only does this carry the same physical, mental, and emotional health impacts, but it does something even more powerful:
It teaches them to operate from this fear.
And the more this is ‘practiced’ the more permanent it becomes.
The solution, therefore, starts with US, as parents.
Through simple practices, we can change our relationship to the stressors in our lives and control and reduce the stress response in our bodies and free our kids from this burden.
Would you like to learn how?
Hello, friends.
Given today’s date, I wanted to share some thoughts and information on how mindfulness can help us process, cope with, and ultimately heal from loss.
Whether loss of loved ones, loss of a job, loss of material possessions, or loss of simple pleasures, loss is part of life.
And so is the grief that arises from it.
For most of us, the instinct is to avoid the feelings of this grief.
Of course, this is understandable. Because it hurts.
But when we try to distract ourselves from the grief, we don’t allow ourselves to heal.
In today’s videos, I offer three practices to process loss and grief.
But if you take nothing else from me today, please take this:
Allow yourself to turn towards the grief, despite the pain. Hold space for yourself. Give yourself some time. Let the grief in.
I promise you: while it may be painful to do this right now, in the long run you’ll be far better off for it.
In almost every circumstance in parenting, we don’t need to immediately react to what our kids might have done.
In fact, reaction will almost ALWAYS end up causing more problems than it solves.
And it will create emotions of fear, guilt, and shame that will prevent us all from learning and growing through our experience.
It will also push our children away from us.
On the other hand, pausing for a moment, a minute, or even an hour, allows us to investigate and challenge our thoughts, emotions, and sensations and come up with creative solutions that draw our child in, create learning opportunities, and avoid the emotions of trauma.
Would you like to learn how to pause?
Fear is what we call a negative emotion.
In fact, it is the root of ALL negative emotions we can possibly feel.
But negative, in this context, doesn’t mean ‘BAD’!
In fact, fear is very beneficial to us in our lives.
Like when we reach into a hot oven, fear is what reminds us to wear oven mitts.
Fear makes us look both ways before crossing a street.
Where fear becomes problematic for us, is when we operate from the level of fear.
When we allow fear to be automatic and we assume the worst possible outcome of our every thought, decision, and action.
When we operate from fear in this way, we optimize ourselves to survive.
This results in conservative thoughts, decisions, and actions.
It makes us play it safe and stay inside our comfort zone.
Operating from LOVE, on the other hand, optimizes is to THRIVE.
It makes us creative and poised for problem solving.
Parenting from fear, we push our kids away from us with punishment and scolding.
Parenting from love, we draw our kids towards us with encouragement and inspiration.
Through some very simple practices, for like 5-10 minutes a day, you can develop the awareness to know when you’re operating from fear.
And in this knowing, you can CHOOSE to operate from LOVE.
Why is it important to ‘know’ our emotions?
When we experience each other as human beings - whether in business or social settings, or in the parent/child or spousal relationship - there are two different ways we experience each other:
We have our cognitive experience, what we understand, our opinions, or discernment, etc.
And then we have our limbic experience. That is to say, our emotional and empathic experience of one another.
This limbic level of our experience creates what is called empathic resonance.
Beyond our consciousness, we FEEL each other. Literally, we feel one another in our own bodies.
This feeling is the basis of trust or mistrust for one another.
And it has far reaching impacts in every interaction in our lives... especially between parents and their children.
If you’d like to learn more about this dynamic, and about some simple practices you can do to regulate the empathic resonance you emit, comment below or send me a DM.
Right now, what emotion is motivating you?
We are always motivated by SOME emotion.
We’re either motivated towards something we desire.
Or we’re motivated away from something we fear.
That means that right now, and in every moment of every day, we are motivated by either love or fear.
And because our thoughts, emotions, and sensations work in a cycle that creates its own momentum, when we operate from fear, we tend to stay in a negative emotional cycle.
And when we operate from love, we tend to stay in a positive emotional cycle.
Why does this matter?
Because no matter what our emotions at any given moment, life keeps happening.
So when you’re in a negative emotional cycle, and your kids, your spouse, your employees, or your clients reach out to you, in that moment how you react is from this negative place and is not aligned with your heart and your true, authentic self.
In short, when operating from fear, we don’t show up for our lives the way we want to show up.
The good news is that you have a choice!
With simple practice, you can develop an awareness of your emotional motivation.
And from this awareness, you can choose love over fear.
‘Who is breathing?’
This is an important and helpful question we can ask ourselves.
Of course, it is your body that’s breathing, and if it stops there will be some major problems.
But are you really in control of your breathing?
If you are, then see how long you can stop breathing before your body forces it to start again. 😁
And what about your thoughts and emotions?
Are YOU in control of them? Or do they just happen on their own?
As we ponder these important questions, we can learn about this whole process and shift our understanding.
Ultimately, we can identify less and give ourselves a 3rd person detached perspective.
Instead of saying ‘I am angry’, we can say ‘My body feels anger right now.’
And when we do this, it becomes much easier to accept the emotions, thoughts, and sensations in our bodies.
In this acceptance we release the suffering they cause us.
In the absence of suffering, we find our happiness.
In our happiness, we find our authentic self.
And I promise you: you can do this. All it takes is a little practice.
What are your thoughts on this?
As we sit in the stillness of our meditation practice, even for a few minutes a day, we develop a few extremely beneficial skills.
The skill of focus leads to a reduction in stress and anxiety.
The skill of compassion leads to positive and empathic interpersonal communications.
But perhaps most beneficial of all, the skill of bringing non-judging awareness to our experiences allows us to very clearly see the motivation behind our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.
And in this vivid view - this emotional intelligence - we gain mastery over the thoughts that can sometimes hijack our happiness and fulfillment.
The result is an ability to reclaim that fulfillment and happiness even in the face of adversity and trouble in our lives.
And it all starts with just sitting still.
How does this resonate with you?
The most accessible path to presence is acceptance.
When we accept what is happening, right now, we stay free from the emotional overwhelm that keeps us from being present.
But how do we train ourselves in acceptance?
We do that by building the mental habit of recognizing impermanence.
Virtually anything we experience in life is impermanent, externally, and internally.
A traffic jam doesn’t last forever. Nor does that bad cold. Even stones are slowly decaying and won’t be around forever.
The same is true for our physical sensations, our emotions, and our thoughts.
Sensations of pleasure or pain come and go.
Neuroscientists confirm that emotion in the body only lasts, on its own, for about 90 seconds.
And our thoughts come into our mind from nowhere and will leave the same way if we let them.
We can train our awareness of this impermanence with simple practices- formal or informal.
And when we do so, we gain the mastery of emotional regulation which is, as one of my clients calls it, a superpower.
Please reach out to learn about these simple practices.
“Life Is The Curriculum” - Jon Kabat-Zinn.
This is a quote I use a lot and I think it’s worthy of every repetition.
Life is CONSTANTLY offering us opportunities to become who we want to be.
Maybe for you, that’s being a parent who is connected to your kids.
Or it’s being a more attentive spouse or friend.
Or maybe for you, it’s about being a more contributive member of society.
Our experiences can lead us to all these things, but only if we’re present enough to see the lessons.
Often, our emotional investment in our moment to moment experiences takes us away from this presence and prevents us from becoming our authentic self.
In today’s video, I talk about how this happens and some super simple things we can do to gain control over it.
A daily meditation practice is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your physical, mental, and emotional health.
But the key is to look at it as a daily PRACTICE.
Think of it as something you’re doing to build a skill.
Because you are.
In today’s video, I talk about the benefits of this skill-building practice, why it really helps to do it first thing in the morning (before you pick up your phone!), and how it helps to have someone else along the journey with you.
If you have any questions or would like some help setting up a daily practice, please reach out.
It is said that as much as 95% of our behavior is habitual.
This means that most of what we do is done without our attention.
Our bodies are doing it without our minds.
Driving your car, eating, showering, brushing your teeth are just a handful of the most popular of habitual behavior.
So when you’re doing these things without thinking about them, what ARE you thinking about?
Well, because our human brains are wired for survival, you’re very likely thinking about something that causes you worry and fear.
And this leads to the stress response that pulls you away from your optimized and creative state.
Mindfulness is all about intention and awareness.
In other words, the opposite of automatic.
Yet, forming NEW mental habits of mindfulness is a very effective way to become more intentional and aware all the time.
In today’s video, I give you a simple and easy practice to do just that.
Want to learn more and take this practice further, drop a line so we can set up a time to chat.
Before we ever open our mouths or make a single physical gesture, we’re already impacting those around us.
This impact comes from our level of PRESENCE.
When you get off a zoom call and head into the living room to check on the kids, you may be physically present with them.
But are you TRULY present?
Or is your mind still on that call, trying to resolve the emotions it brought up?
Well, your kids can tell.
When they sense your presence, they feel safe and they feel like they matter.
This is enormously beneficial to their emotional development and in today’s video I go over a very simple exercise you can do to get present before you transition from work to home (which these days is only one room away!!!)
The more you practice, the more skill you build.
If you’d like some help setting up a regular practice, please let me know.
In any area of our lives - as parents or children, employer or employee, or in the most anonymous interactions in our daily lives - we are communicating.
Communication is how we get what we need and request what we desire.
It is how we express our love.
So it stands to reason that of all the applications of mindfulness practices, mindful communication could be the most vital.
The very word communication is derived from the word commune - to come together.
As we bring non judging awareness to our words, our tone, facial and body expressions, we can see when we are pushing people away.
And when we can see this, we can choose to instead draw them in.
With practice, we are also able to develop empathy so we know how our verbal and physical expressions make others feel.
This last point couldn’t be more vital to us as parents!!!
Check out the video for some examples that will help you understand this important topic more deeply.
And please reach out to learn some very simple practices that can help you communicate more mindfully and, as a result, more effectively.
‘Life is the curriculum’ - Jon Kabat-Zinn
What this great teacher is telling us with these wise words is that throughout our lives we will be presented with situations that, while on their face are very challenging, are really opportunities to learn about ourselves.
And of course, to practice being present, accepting, and compassionate.
In today’s video, I tell a story about one such opportunity presented to me in an interaction with my 9-year-old son.
This experience gave me the opportunity to notice the automatic parenting behavior driven by implicit memory that could have become another round in the cycle of generational trauma.
Fortunately, I relied on my mindfulness training and instead created an opportunity to learn from an uncomfortable experience.
The end result was the opposite of the trauma it could have become.
The end result was compassion and healing and, ultimately, positive learning.
Today’s video is a little long because I also talk about a new course I’m launching this week:
How to Parent with Connection So Your Kids Can Thrive (And So Can You)
In this course, we’ll train parents in mindfulness and emotional intelligence which many psychologists believe to be vital for child development.
DM me for info!
Emotional regulation is one of the most valuable skills we can possess.
Whether in parenting, in our work, in our social lives, or in our daily, anonymous interactions with others, emotional regulation can mean the difference between a moment of discomfort and an action that can cause permanent damage to a relationship.
And this skill starts with non judging awareness.
As we practice simply being present with our thoughts, emotions, and sensations, we develop a clear and accurate view of this process and the momentum it tends to build when left unchecked.
This allows us to ‘see’ the first emotion that is usually very small and manageable before we throw logs onto the fire with our thoughts and sensations.
And it all arises from the practice of just sitting still and allowing ourselves to see this process.
If you’d like to learn more, please let me know.
Most of us attach our happiness to external experiences.
When we have positive experiences - we receive a compliment, things go well at work, we get a new gadget - we feel happy.
But when we have negative experiences - a client cancels a project, our kids challenge our patience, our car breaks down - we feel sadness or depression.
When we practice non-judging awareness, we learn to accept external and internal experiences without comparison and this allows us to maintain inner happiness even in the face of things going wrong in our lives.
For example, we see that a thought is just a thought... It's only a 'Good' thought when we compare it to a 'Bad' thought.
I know this might sound like a foreign concept, but take it from one who has learned first hand: this can be applied to even the most challenging external events of our lives.
It doesn't mean that challenging events won't happen to us. They certainly will.
It means that we can meet these challenges with presence, acceptance, and compassion and maintain our overall happiness through them.
10-15 minutes a day is all it takes to develop this skill. Would you like to learn how it works?
#mindfulness #presence #acceptance #compassion #emotionalintelligence #emotionalregulation #nonjudgingawarenessforthewin
When we see someone else suffering, and we connect to them through that suffering, realizing they are a human being just like we are, most of us find it very easy to offer kindness to that person.
This is compassion.
And there is abundant evidence in hard-nosed research that shows compassion is effective in stress reduction as well as overall emotional, physical, and mental well being.
But compassion, like our empathic resonance and like our mind itself, is a cyclical, reciprocal process.
This cycle becomes broken when we refuse to offer compassion to ourselves or to ‘certain’ others in our lives.
By practicing mindfulness, we develop the ability to notice the suffering of all people, connect with them in this suffering, knowing all people face challenges and all people act in order to relieve their own suffering.
And we develop the ability to instinctively offer everyone, including ourselves, kindness.
When we do this, we give ourselves the opportunity to be happy.
As we judge ourselves, the others in our lives, or even the situations that life throws at us from time to time, we wind up in mental states that cause us emotional suffering.
And this emotional suffering prevents us from being present with our lives.
In other words, the emotional suffering prevents you from showing up with all our dynamic creativity that makes you who you really are.
And I have some great news for you!
It’s very simple to mitigate and neutralize the judging that leads to all these problems.
The solution lies in kindness and compassion.
Some reading this might think this is a sign of weakness, but abundant research says otherwise.
If you’d like to chat about some of that research so you can give yourself permission to be kind and compassionate, let’s make some time to connect.
And if you’d just like to learn some simple practices to develop the attitude of kindness and compassion, drop a comment below and I’ll send you some easy instructions.
I wish you well.
As human beings, we have a strong tendency to judge and form expectations for our experiences.
We all do it!
We EXPECT to get to work without traffic.
We EXPECT to not have a flat tire.
We EXPECT that our pen won’t run out of ink.
And when we live with these expectations, we set ourselves up for the acts of clinging and aversion.
We cling to the idea that our pen SHOULD work.
And we don’t accept that our tire is flat when we’re leaving for work in the morning.
And in this clinging and aversion, uncomfortable and disturbing emotions arise.
And we suffer.
But we still have to get up and grab a new pen and we still have to fix our flat tire.
Well, the practice of mindfulness - living in each present moment without the expectations arising from prejudgment - teaches us to ACCEPT the unwanted inconveniences in our lives and avoid - or at least reduce - whatever suffering they may cause.
We still have to get a new pen, but when we do, we do so feeling good.
I know this might sound strange to you. It did to me at first, too.
But with a little bit of practice, these skills are very attainable!
Questions? Let me know.
I get to talk to a lot of people about stress.
And one of the most common things I hear people say is that stress is just ‘part of life’... or ‘unavoidable.’
I can remember a time when I felt this way too.
I felt that stress motivated me.
It made me who I was.
But the truth that I learned the hard way is that chronic stress (something that 77% of American adults suffer) carries some very serious health risks.
And in addition to the direct health risks - hypertension, heart arrhythmia, autoimmune issues, loss of telomeres, and more - there are also indirect health risks that arise from the maladaptive coping mechanisms we employ.
The good news is that the risks from stress and the benefits of mindfulness read like mirror images of each other!
Mindfulness and meditation have been shown to lower blood pressure, strengthen our immune system, and help our bodies produce telomerase which strengthens our telomeres and literally extends the life of our cells.
And this is just the beginning of a very long list of other benefits of mindfulness and meditation.
If you’d like to learn more, hit me up with an email.
As we become more aware of the cycle of thoughts>emotions>sensations that cause (or relieve) the stress response in our bodies, we gain the power to break the cycle.
And as we exercise this power, we change a crucial aspect of our personal interaction with others: our empathic resonance.
Over the past few decades, neuroscience has caught up with what ancient contemplative practices have held for millennia: that we are connected through our energy to one another.
So when you walk into your home after a long day of work to join your children and partner, outside your consciousness you are going to have an impact on these people closest to you.
It’s either going to be positive and uplifting.
Or it’s going to be negative and dragging down.
And it is directly related to the cycle of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.
Therefore, developing this awareness allows you to break this cycle and quite literally change the energetic exchange between you and those you love.
It’s hard to overstate how beneficial this can be for the children you might have in your life.
But it’s also beneficial to everyone whose lives you touch every single day, from the closest loved ones to the most anonymous strangers.
Everything we experience - internal concerns, memories, and reactions, AND external events - will be experienced in three ways:
In our bodies.
In our emotions.
In our thoughts.
And bringing awareness to these aspects of our experiences is to practice mindfulness.
Of course, practicing mindfulness has been shown, unambiguously, to benefit many areas of our physical, emotional, and mental well being.
Check out the audio for a really simple practice you can do to develop the skills of mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and emotional regulation.
As we step back from the flow of our thoughts and emotions, we give ourselves a little space in which we can choose the response that benefits ourselves and those around us.
This is in contrast to the ‘usual’ way we react to the experiences of our lives.
Formal meditation - stopping what we’re doing and allowing ourselves to adopt a stillness in which we can develop a gentle, non-judging awareness of our internal experiences - is enormously helpful in developing this skill.
But many of us feel we don’t have the time for this kind of practice.
And if this applies to you, I have some good news for you!
In this audio, I review a very simple informal practice that will develop this amazing skill.
And you don’t even have to sit down to do it!
For more information or other really simple informal practices like this one, please send me an email to set up some time to chat.
As we learn to dwell in the present and pay attention to what IS, as opposed to what MIGHT BE or what COULD HAVE BEEN, we develop a very important skill.
Our stress comes from the emotion of fear - fear of an undesired outcome, or fear resulting from the shame of past mistakes or missed opportunities.
As we practice paying attention to NOW, and doing so without judgment, we develop the skill of accepting (for now) the things we don’t want and letting go of the obsessive clinging to the things we feel we do want.
The result is freedom from stress and alignment with our truest self.
And this is where our success and happiness reside.
Would you like to learn some of these simple practices? Let me know in the comments.
Because most of us live in relative safety, without constant physical threats, our stress is mostly misguided, if you will.
The stress response of our bodies is designed to help us survive a physical threat.
But most of us feel stress when we’re sitting in our safe home, or our safe car, or our safe office; far from any kind of physical threat.
That’s because the stress we feel is generated by our thinking.
Check out the audio for a great micro practice to help break the cycle of thought that produces the stress response in our bodies.
It’s not a replacement for regular mindfulness practice, but it sure helps a lot.
For some help in getting into regular practices, email me - art@artburnscoaching.com - so we can set up a free phone consultation.
Since I was all about apologies yesterday - bringing mindfulness to the act of apologizing and holding in empathic awareness to the emotions of the person receiving the apology - I thought it would make sense to talk today about forgiveness.
In my opinion, there are few things less understood or appreciated in our culture than forgiveness.
Most people consider it a sign of weakness.
Or an act of acquiescence, or absolution.
In fact, forgiveness is one of the strongest and most courageous things we can do.
And it has little to do with another person and has everything to do with the benefit to ourselves.
Physically, emotionally, and mentally, the willingness to forgive ourselves and others is profoundly beneficial.
Check out the audio for more details and get in touch with me for a simple practice that won’t take more than a few minutes a day that will enable you to practice forgiveness and realize these wonderful benefits.
Today’s post comes from another request, and I’m thrilled about it!!!
Cindy, my client, friend, and YouTube subscriber asked me to create a video that talks about how mindfulness can help with the art of apology.
Specifically, Cindy wants to know how mindfulness can help us apologize in a way that makes the person to whom we’re apologizing feel felt and heard.
And I think it’s an excellent question because most of us have a tendency to apologize AND justify our words or behavior in the same action.
And this definitely detracts from the experience of the person to whom we are apologizing.
While the skills of mindfulness and emotional intelligence will certainly help avoid this shame driven habit, an apology can actually be a mindfulness practice in and of itself.
Check out the audio for the instructions for this practice and let me know if you have any questions.
And if you have a request, please send them in via comment or message.
As a teacher and practitioner of mindfulness AND heartfulness, compassion is very important to me.
And while I see compassion as a 360° intention, abundant research is showing self compassion, specifically, to be associated with many aspects of psychological health.
Increased happiness, life satisfaction, curiosity, and optimism, and decreased anxiety, depression, rumination, isolation, and eating disorders are topped by what I feel is the most important benefit of all: emotional resilience.
And the best news of all about self compassion is that it’s so easy to practice!!!
Not only is it easy, but it feels great, too!!!
Check out this audio for an illustration of how self compassion works and let me know if you’d like to learn some super simple practices to develop self compassion in your life.
As we gain a vivid image of our emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations, as happens through meditation practice, we get to see the most important thing of all: emotional triggers.
When we develop self awareness through these daily practices, we gain the ability to see our triggers before they’re upon us.
This allows us to avoid the reactivity that usually results in saying or doing something we later regret.
And when we avoid these actions, we avoid the feelings of shake that usually accompany them.
And in the absence of shame, we can learn and grow in the face of our emotional difficulties.
mindfulness #compassion #presence #acceptance #emotionalintelligence
As my tee shirt says, meditation is not what you think.
Really, meditation is about unplugging from the rush of thoughts and emotions that result from the daily hustle and bustle.
I love to explain it using the metaphor of a snow globe:
When we shake a snow globe, the little flakes swirl all around and make it impossible to see the scene inside.
But if we place the snow globe down for a few minutes, all those flakes settle to the bottom and reveal a vivid scene.
Well, our minds - with all the thoughts, emotions, and sensations of the body - are just like so many snow globes.
And if we just sit still for a few minutes, the swirl of our thoughts and emotions settles and allows us to see, with vivid clarity, what’s really happening in our mind.
Among many physical and mental benefits, this leads to emotional intelligence, which will serve us in virtually every aspect and area of our lives.
And all we need to do is sit and be for a few minutes a day!!!
Would you like to learn how easy this practice is?
If so, please get in touch with me so I can explain it to you.
Mirror Neurons and Empathic Resonance are the scientific basis for empathy and compassion.
When we see someone suffering - like watching someone stun their toe - the neurons in our brains are activated as though we stubbed our own toe.
As we hold this energetic connection in our conscious awareness, we open ourselves to the benefit of the vitally important quality of self compassion.
Because others - our kids, our friends, and everyone else with whom we come into contact- feel our pleasure and pain, self compassion - the relief of our own suffering - becomes an act of compassion for others.
And this resonant loop happens the other way, too!
If you’d like to know more about how this works, and for some really simple exercises to cultivate compassion for yourself and others in your life, email me: art@artburnscoaching.com
The core benefit of mindfulness - the practice of paying attention to our unfolding experience without judgment - is the ability to regulate our emotions.
The emotions start in the body and enter the brain from the bottom up.
Mindfulness helps to strengthen the top-level, executive functioning of our brain, resulting in a top-down regulation and a vertical integration.
The result is the ability to clearly see the emotions we feel while inhibiting our automatic reactions to them.
If you’d like to learn more about how this works or to learn the simple practices you can do to develop this beneficial skill, send me an email - art@artburnscoaching.com
One of my YouTube subscribers asked me the other day to create a video that shows how mindfulness can help address addiction.
I was delighted at the request, especially since it includes a topic so near and important to me: by this time next month, I’ll be 9 years clean and sober. ❤️
I also appreciate the request because mindfulness practices ABSOLUTELY help with overcoming addiction and I’m happy to explain how.
I posted a very in depth video on YouTube, and go into the broad strokes here on the ways mindfulness practices work with addiction:
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Mindfulness practices train us to let go of the emotional grasping that is at the heart of addiction.
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Mindfulness shifts the hierarchy of the dopamine reward system, which is REALLY what most addictions are all about. (As opposed to a physical, chemical addiction).
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Most powerfully, mindfulness builds and strengthens connection to others.
This last point is most powerful because, contrary to popular belief, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, and you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out to me.
I hope that through all these posts and videos I’ve been able to convince you of the value of compassion - for ourselves AND for others.
So much recent research has shown the benefits of compassion on our physical, mental, and emotional well being.
Stress reduction, resilience, and a sense of fulfillment are just the start of a very long list of these benefits.
One really important aspect of compassion - an aspect important to developing compassion and also an important result of compassion practice - is recognizing and feeling the sense of connection we have to each other.
I know this sounds very woo-woo, but it is in fact based on hard nosed neuroscience research.
One amazing way to start to get a sense of this commonality we have with one another and the connection that arises, is to recognize the innate goodness that lies inside all of us, no matter how deeply it’s been buried through fear, pressures, and trauma in our lives.
Please hit me up to learn more!
Compassion is much more than just being nice to people.
In fact, the subject is so deep there is abundant research that shows it to be foundational to our well being, fulfillment, and, ultimately, our success in every area of our lives.
It is also evident from this abundant research that compassion can be seen in 365°
In other words, practicing compassion for others MEANS practicing compassion for ourselves.
https://youtu.be/fJCtTWrK99Q
If you’d like to learn some simple, yet profoundly effective practices to develop YOUR compassion and improve YOUR well being and success, please email me at art@artburnscoaching.com so we can schedule a time to talk.
Of all the many implicit biases that impact our moment to moment experience as Human Beings, one of the most powerful is the negativity bias.
The negativity bias makes us automatically pay attention to the negative aspects of our experiences over the positive aspects of our experience.
The thing is, as neuroscientists tell us, where attention goes, energy flows.
So when we succumb to the negativity bias and pay more attention to the negative aspects of our lives, we start to feel that our lives are overwhelmed with problems.
Not only will this kind of thinking result in stress, but it’s simply not true.
There are not more negative things happening to you.
You’re just PAYING MORE ATTENTION to them.
And a simple way to create balance and resilience to this negativity bias is to intentionally pay attention to the positive aspects of your life.
Mindfulness practices will help with this.
But you can also develop this skill through the simple practice of keeping a gratitude journal.
Would you like to learn more?
“Whatever a person frequently thinks and reflects on, that will become the inclination of their mind.” - Gautama Buddha
The Buddha wrote these words over 2500 years ago, and sometime around 1995, neuroscientists finally agreed with him.
What is described in this quote is the quality of the brain that neuroscientists call neuroplasticity - how the brain’s synaptic connections and neural anatomy are plastic, or moldable.
Neuroplasticity is the basis of habit and is also the reason that after about 8 weeks of practicing mindfulness - bringing a non-judging awareness to our moment-to-moment experiences - it becomes an automatic function of our minds.
As we develop the skill of mindfulness - the ability to experience our lives on a moment-to-moment basis without judgment- the physical, emotional, and mental benefits are truly amazing. (And very well studied and documented, btw)
One of the key aspects to this practice is non-judgment, which is to say an open and compassionate curiosity about our unfolding experiences.
And a great way to practice this, in any time of your day, is to practice leaning into discomfort.
Our suffering often comes not from the experience itself, but from our turning away from, or unwillingness to accept, our own discomfort, even if only temporarily.
So when you have minor discomforts: a little pain in your body, a slightly unpleasant emotion, or a little troubling thought; try to be present with it for a little while and see what happens.
You’ll probably find that whatever the discomfort, it is a lot less permanent than you thought.
If you’d like more information about how, and why, to do this practice, please reach out.
As human beings, we are always motivated by our emotions.
We are motivated towards something we love or we are motivated away from something we fear.
And because of the way our brains are wired for survival, the negative emotions have an overwhelming advantage.
In fact, the psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and her colleagues have found the ratio of negative to positive emotions we typically feel to be 3:1.
And this is why it is so powerful and important, as we practice moment to moment, non-judging awareness, to do so with a level of kindness and compassion for ourselves and others.
This practice will neutralize the negativity bias in our implicit minds and free us to be truly present and truly optimized to experience the fullness of life and accomplish things we once might have thought were impossible.
Another very available opportunity to practice mindfulness that will help develop it as a habit is consciously arriving.
In the video today I give the example of arriving at a grocery store, but you can literally do this ANY time you arrive anywhere.
Check it out and let me know how it feels.
When we find ourselves regretting our actions and wishing we could take back something that’s happened, it’s almost always because we REACTED to, as opposed to having RESPONDED to an experience.
And one of the most amazing results of Mindfulness practices is the cultivation or the habit of RESPONSE.
Any time we find ourselves reacting to something, we’re being driven by our implicit biases and memories.
Or we’re driven by the emotions associated with our past trauma.
Whatever the driving force, ultimately we’re relinquishing our power.
Mindfulness practices get that paper back to us.
Ultimately, through this power, we eliminate the circumstances of regret and live a more intentional, balanced, and healthier life.
In the video here, I give you a super simple practice that can help you develop this competency.
Please let me know if you have any questions.
When I tell someone that I help people reduce stress and reactivity, almost everyone says: “I NEED THAT!!!”
This is no surprise, given that over 77% of American adults experience chronic, daily stress, and that most people understand the damage chronic stress causes one’s health and happiness.
But when I go on to say that I accomplish stress reduction through mindfulness and meditation practices, I hear all kinds of reasons it won’t work for them.
“I have too many thoughts.”
“I can’t sit in that position.”
“It seems too hard and too time consuming for me.”
“It will make me too relaxed and passive and I won’t get things done.”
These are the four most common myths I hear and in today’s episode of The Mindful Manager Podcast, I knock them all down.
If you have a reason that’s keeping you from the amazing benefits of meditation that I haven’t listed here, let me know what it is.
Once we adjust for training, experience, education, and passion, the most important indicator of success is our level of emotional regulation.
Our emotions and thoughts - self judgment, fear, shame, anger, resentment, etc - can derail us from our goals and aspirations more than anything else can.
So the ability to regulate these emotions and let go of the thoughts that give them energy becomes our most vital skill.
This is why teaching children these skills is one of the most powerful things we, as parents, educators, and health professionals can do for those in our care.
Mindfulness - the skill of paying attention to our unfolding experience with a non judging curiosity and acceptance of the impermanence of the experience - enables this emotional regulation.
And teaching children mindfulness practices can be fun and exciting, especially when we, as parents, are practicing too.
If you’d like to learn how simple this process is and how quickly adults and children alike can see positive results, shoot me an email and I’ll send you some info - art@artburnscoaching.com
We’ve all heard of generational trauma, right?
One example is that almost every person in an abusive relationship as an adult will be found to have been abused on some level as a young child.
This has to do with how we develop as young children - in the first seven years of our lives, we are soaking up the way our caregivers and other people in our lives interact with us and with each other.
This information becomes our world view; our programming, if you will.
The experiences we have as young children become IMPLICIT memories and IMPLICIT biases.
In other words, it’s all part of our subconscious.
One of the most profound effects of mindfulness practices is that we can bring the IMPLICIT to the EXPLICIT as we widen and sharpen our awareness.
This allows us, as individuals of any age, to grow out of the habits and automatic behaviors dictated by our implicit memories and biases.
But as parents, it allows us to break these generational cycles and free our children from the trauma and emotional difficulties that often result.
So, would YOU like to learn how to become a mindful parent and provide this opportunity to your kids?
Mindful parenting is based on connection and attachment between the parent and the child(ren).
And this connection comes through a degree of presence, acceptance, and compassion.
When I say acceptance, I don’t mean that you’re not going to get your children to clean their rooms, or eat their vegetables, or go to bed at a reasonable hour.
When I say accept these behaviors in your children, I mean that you allow yourself to see past the behavior itself and maintain a deeper emotional attachment in spite of the fear you feel.
When you do this, you’ll find that the behavior starts to change on its own.
If you’d like to learn more about mindful parenting, and about my upcoming 8 week mindful parenting program, please drop a comment below or send me a DM.
When I teach mindful parenting, the focus is not so much on seeking the ‘right’ techniques of parenting, but more on becoming present and attuned to your kids.
We place the emphasis on the long term development of the child and the long term relationship between parent and child, rather than the short term behavior of the child.
Not only is this approach widely supported by research in psychology and neurobiology, but it also falls in line with the natural dynamic of growth and personality development.
One reason many parenting books go from promising self help books to frustrating SHELF help books is that no book can address the complexity and individuality that make up our children.
All kids are different. And no one technique is likely to work for them all - even for two kids in the same family. Am I right?
But when we work on the ability of the parent to be present and attuned with their kids, we give the parents a skill set to connect with their children on the deeper emotional level.
Once we do this, the behavior mostly takes care of itself.
Would you like to learn more about my mindful parenting course?
Almost all the stress we experience in modern society comes from our thoughts.
And because of how many thoughts we, as humans, have every day - over 60,000 - most of us experience stress on a chronic level.
Not only does this chronic stress pose serious risks to our health, it also prevents us from showing up to our lives as our authentic selves with all our potential.
The root of these stress inducing thoughts is our wandering mind.
Any time we’re doing something that doesn’t require our focused attention - which is like 95% of whatever we do all day - our minds wander.
And because our human brains are wired for survival, when our minds wander, they almost ALWAYS wander to things that worry us.
One of the most common of these non task oriented activities is driving.
We don’t usually even notice the familiar route we take to, say, our kids school at pick up.
So while we’re not thinking about driving, we’re usually thinking about our worries.
And when we show up to our kids’ school, we’re showing up as a product of these thoughts and reacting to our kids through this prism.
So I’d like to offer you a meditation for driving.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hGrZyJdiT63Pf7ujad7kaTJrwG634pFQ/view?usp=sharing
“I wish you well.”
If you watch my videos, listen to my podcast, or receive emails from me, you hear me say “I wish you well.”
It is sincere and heartfelt.
But it’s also a practice for me.
In contemplative work, we do two different types of practice:
Formal practice - sitting in posture and meditating.
Informal practice - adding the practice to our daily activities.
For me, sending an email or making a video is a perfect opportunity for this informal practice.
Before hitting send, I take a moment and picture the person reading the email or the post or watching/listening to the content, and I feel this compassion in my heart.
You can do this with virtually any activity:
Driving your car, answering the phone, sitting in meetings, standing in line at a grocery store... believe it or not, you can even do it while folding laundry!
And as you do this practice over and over, it becomes an automatic trait for you to ALWAYS feel compassion for others.
And once you do this, like so many of my clients have, things will change in profound ways in your life.
Interested in learning more?
Most people, understandably, view forgiveness as a form of weakness.
Or they equate forgiveness with granting license to someone to harm us in some way.
But the reality is that forgiveness is the opposite of weakness and it has nothing to do with another person's actions.
In fact, forgiveness is an act of self-compassion.
It is a means of releasing ourselves of the burden of resentment, anger, or vengeance we feel for another person as a result of something that has happened in the past.
In other words, forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. Not for another.
It is very closely tied to our stress levels and has enormous impact on our emotional and physical well being.
As we practice compassion, for ourselves and for others, forgiveness becomes more readily available to us.
And with it comes deeper connection to our children, our friends, and everyone else in our lives.
If you’d like to learn more, please drop a comment below or send me a DM.
While the benefits of developing the traits of compassion are quite clear, it is very helpful to first develop the trait of SELF COMPASSION.
Self judgment and self criticism are instinctive for the human mind and this is especially true for parents!
We hold ourselves to a higher standard than we ever hold anyone else.
While working with people, I often hear that this self criticism and holding ourselves to this far higher standard is ‘what gives me my drive’.
And I answer this in two ways: first, I demonstrate the latest research which unequivocally refutes this notion and shows the exact opposite to be true.
Then I ask people to try a simple exercise for a few minutes every day.
Two weeks later, nearly without exception, these folks who were so sure of the benefits of self criticism tell me how much better they feel and how much MORE motivated and efficient they are.
And the parents among these folks tell me how much more connected they feel with their kids and how much more cooperation they get from their children as well.
Would you like to learn how to practice self compassion?
One of the most effective practices in reducing stress is the simple practice of compassion.
Many people think compassion means being nice or being kind to others.
And while that is an important part of compassion, it merely scratches the surface.
Compassion, from the Latin cum passus, to suffer with, means to build a connection to others.
And as we practice building connection to others, we allow ourselves to break free from the tendency to obsess over our own troubles.
This is not in any way a means of avoidance!
Instead, it is a way to quiet the storytelling mind that always has us believing the worst case scenario about every aspect of our own lives.
And when we quiet this storytelling mind, we reduce the stress in our bodies and optimize ourselves to meet the challenges in our lives with our full, dynamic, and creative resources.
Would you like to learn how to do these simple practices?
As we live with chronic stress, one of the more dangerous outcomes is how much we NORMALIZE the arising sensations.
We normalize the fatigue, memory loss, our tendency toward illness, and the emotional reactivity that comes from chronic stress.
We also normalize the INSOMNIA that comes from chronic stress.
Between chronic stress and chronic insomnia (which have an undeniably causal relationship to each other), we barely give our bodies’ health or life’s prosperity a fighting chance!
And, perhaps most dangerous of all, as we normalize all of this over years and years, they become deeply entrenched HABITS.
And once this happens, change becomes more difficult.
Does this sound like something you’d like to learn more about and perhaps learn how to change in your life?
In anything we can know, there are three spheres of knowledge.
There’s what we know.
There’s what we know we don’t know.
And then there’s the sphere of knowledge that absolutely dwarfs the first two:
There’s what we don’t know we don’t know.
This concept taps into what can be called The Beginner’s Mind.
And when we can cultivate the attitude of The Beginner’s Mind, we become open to many lessons life can teach us.
This openness allows us to meet each moment with presence, acceptance, and compassion and facilitates our balance and happiness in the face of even the most difficult of life’s challenges.
And in turn, this Beginner’s Mind facilitates effectiveness in every area of our lives.
Especially, but not limited to, parenting.
How would you like to develop a Beginner’s Mind in your life?
When we develop self awareness and emotional self regulation as parents, we are able to truly show up to our kids in the way we want to show up.
This means we can show up as supportive and balanced and hold space for our kids to be honest and vulnerable.
These steps will benefit our kids directly in their emotional health, but indirectly we’ll be doing some very important things as well.
We will show them the support we intend.
We will teach them the tools of self regulation.
And, perhaps most importantly, we will normalize the process and concept of emotional self regulation.
This will indirectly invite them to be curious and inquisitive about the process, without stigma or shame, empowering them deeply for the rest of their lives.
Would you like to learn some simple practices to develop the skills I talk about here?
Active listening is something I talk about quite a bit. (And I hope people listen to me! 😂) It is a practice that lets others know that we’re interested in what they have to say and to be on the receiving end of it feels great and allows for true expression. It’s a vital skill for managers, sales pros, spouses, friends, and maybe most of all, parents. One aspect of the practice of active listening includes what is often referred to as either looping, mirroring, or reflecting - the act of repeating back to a speaker what you’ve heard them say. And this is very effective for adult-to-adult conversations. But in conversations with your kids? Maybe not so much. Kids may get frustrated and impatient with this process and this will defeat the purpose. So a great alternative is to instead ask some open-ended questions of your child. This allows you to hold space for them, let’s them know you care and encourages them to express themselves; all very important aspects of a healthy parent/child relationship. And to develop it as a habit, I suggest setting aside 20-30 minutes at a given time each day and just start a conversation with your child and ask these open-ended questions as you chat.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Viktor E. Frankl
Whenever we find ourselves looking back with regret on something we’ve said or done, it’s most often because we didn’t access this space that Viktor Frankl mentions in the quote above.
As a result of missing this space, we miss our opportunity for growth and we surrender our freedom to the emotions we feel as a result of our reaction.
One of the greatest tools we have to expand this valuable space and transform reaction into response is to simply pause.
Of course, this is difficult to remember, as we have developed lifelong habits of reaction.
So the best way to remember to pause is to make it a habit by repetitious practice.
Would you like to learn some simple and easy practices to develop this habit for yourself?
When people seek to reduce their stress, generally they are doing so in order to repair, or prevent, the impact of stress on themselves.
And, of course, there is nothing at all wrong with this!
But what most people tend not to realize is how much their stress impacts those other people in their lives.
This is true for friends, spouses, and colleagues.
But it is especially true for parents!
When you experience chronic stress, as do 77% of Americans, you’re behavior is different.
The tone of your voice, your body language, and your expressions are influenced by the stress in your body.
And the people around you are going to pick up on it.
For the adults in your life, the effects can be fairly mild.
But for your kids, the effects are almost certainly profound.
If you’d like to know more, reach out to me.
Of all the aspects of mindfulness practice, the one that has helped me with my parenting, and all the relationships in my life, is compassion practice.
When we develop automatic habits of compassion through basic practices, we become connected to one another on an emotional level.
And as parents, this is profoundly important.
If you’d like to understand more about this connection and some simple practices to help develop it, please let me know!
When we develop the skill of self-awareness through intentional practices, many aspects of our behavior and motivation are revealed to our conscious mind.
One of the most profound of these aspects of the mind is our implicit biases.
In deep levels of self-awareness, these implicit biases become explicit.
That is, they become part of our conscious awareness.
As parents, this process offers a couple of very important benefits:
First, it allows us to break generational cycles caused by these implicit biases that don’t serve us and won’t serve our children.
Second, by practicing and developing these skills for ourselves, we teach the same skills to our children. This gives our kids the tools to facilitate healthy development, and there is perhaps no more important thing we, as parents, can do for our kids.
As parents, it’s very easy to get swept up in the stress as we juggle all our responsibilities.
And this has never been more true than these days of quarantine!
This is one way in which mindfulness practices can deeply benefit our parenting.
As we practice mindfulness we develop the skill of non-judging awareness that allows us to recognize our own emotions and to regulate them in a healthy manner.
And when our kids see us regulate our emotions, they learn how to regulate their own emotions.
In this sense, practicing mindfulness as parents allows us to teach our children the vital life skill of emotional intelligence.
This skill, perhaps more than any other skill we can teach them, will serve them in every area of their lives as they grow into adolescence and adulthood.
Let me know if you’d like to learn some ridiculously simple practices to get yourself started.
I get asked this question quite a bit:
How has mindfulness made you a better parent?
My answer starts with an assurance that the skill of mindfulness has indeed helped me be a better parent.
But then I quickly add that it’s a little more complicated than it might seem.
Mindfulness is not a specific parenting technique.
And even as a mindfulness practitioner, you must decide on parenting techniques and styles just like every other parent does.
But when you develop the skill of mindfulness - the ability to be aware of your internal and external experiences without judgment - you parent from a place of presence, honesty, and authenticity.
This allows you to connect and attune to your kids on a deep emotional level that is far beyond the behavior that most parenting styles address.
And this indeed makes you a better parent, no matter what style of parenting you employ.
Would you like to learn how to develop this skill?
Let me know in the comments.
The breath is an ideal object of meditation for a few different reasons:
It’s always with us.
It’s always present.
And by paying attention to our breath, we encourage ourselves to breathe more deeply, which calms our nervous system and gives us more oxygen.
But sometimes, as was the case with one person who attended my free, weekly stress reduction workshop last night, focusing on our breath can be hard. It can even promote anxiety for us.
If this is the case for you, I’ll say the same thing I did for this woman last night: we can help you use one of your five senses instead.
The senses are also always with us and always present and, if done right, can be just as effective an object of meditation as our breath.
If you’d like more information, drop a comment below or send me a DM.
(And if you’d like a link to register for my weekly workshop, let me know!)
Mindfulness practices have helped me in virtually every facet of my life.
The reduction of stress, the increase of physical and mental health, and the emotional intelligence I’ve experienced have allowed me to be a person I never thought I could be and accomplish things I never thought I’d be able to accomplish.
But no area of my life has been impacted more dramatically than my parenting.
Learning to live in the present moment, without judgment, has allowed me to be more patient with my kids, to set a better emotional example for them, and to connect with them on an emotional level.
The benefit of all this far exceeds anything that correcting my kids' behavior could ever do.
If you’re a parent and you’d like to learn more, hit me up.
Whether as a parent, a friend, or an ally, the greatest gift you can give another person is your presence.
And one of the most effective ways to give this gift is to listen to your child, your friend, or that person to whom you are an ally.
Listen to understand.
As opposed to listening to reply.
Active Listening is a skill. And like all other skills, it is trainable.
And once you have trained yourself and start actively listening to those people in your life, you will see the effect in them and feel it in yourself.
If you’d like some help with practicing Active Listening, please let me know. I have a fun and easy exercise you can do with anyone in your life!
According to neuroscientists, well being is a skill.
And like any other skill, it is trainable with practice.
One of the most important aspects of well being is getting back to the basic sense of innate goodness we possess when we come into the world - to cultivate the awareness of this goodness within ourselves and within all other people, we see and interact with every day.
This is especially helpful for parents, as this basic sense of innate goodness in our children can seem to get lost along the road of growing up!
If you’d like to learn the simple and truly gratifying practices, enhancing your well being through stress reduction and emotional well being, please email me: art@artburnscoaching.com.
The term attunement might be familiar to the parents viewing this.
This ability to connect on an emotional level with our kids, to see beyond the behavior, is nothing less than vital to a child’s development.
But as individuals, when we practice paying attention to our moment to moment experiences without judgment, we develop a kind of internal attunement that is as vital to our own well being as a parent's attunement is to that of a child.
If you’d like to learn more about this, for your benefit and for the benefit of your children, please shoot me an email so we can schedule your free phone consultation.
You know that feeling when, seemingly out of nowhere, you suddenly find yourself deeply present? Perhaps you would describe this experience as the flow state. Well, that is the state of mindfulness:
You are aware of what’s happening as it’s happening.
You are not judging your current experience.
You feel more resilient and less reactive to any kind of trigger.
Whether you know it or not, you’re able to describe your internal, emotional experiences.
And you feel like you are observing your outer experiences.
These are the five traits of mindfulness as compiled by a researcher named Ruth Behr in 2006. And with a little practice, you can develop these traits as part of your personality all the time. Want to know how?
Most people recognize and understand the health risks associated with chronic stress.
And most people accept and understand that paying attention to the unfolding, moment to moment experience, without judgment is key to reducing and avoiding chronic stress.
But most people also feel like they don’t have the time, or the room in their lives, to learn and practice meditation and mindfulness.
And that’s why it’s very helpful to start simple.
For some, that means just trying to practice for a few minutes a day.
But some people feel that even that is too much.
And for those folks, I have very good news: it can be as simple as setting intentions throughout the day.
Would you like some help getting started in setting intentions?
Everything we do - every action, every thought - is motivated by our emotions.
In the simplest form, our emotions push us towards what we want and away from what we don’t want.
And right now, the emotions we’re experiencing, individually and collectively, are extremely powerful.
This means that our emotions might be holding us back from showing up the way we want to for our family or community.
Or our emotions might be pushing us to do things we don’t want to do or say things we don’t really want to say.
Since our emotions play such a powerful role in our lives, it’s easy to see that understanding and regulating our emotions is a vital skill.
This skill is called Emotional Intelligence.
And it’s so important that a client of mine calls it a superpower.
And like any other skill, Emotional Intelligence is trainable.
If you’d like to learn how to train yourself in Emotional Intelligence, and gain the ability to show up for the world as a parent, as a neighbor, or as a colleague, just drop a comment below or send me an email (art@artburnscoaching.com).
One of the greatest challenges to reducing, or even avoiding, the stress response in our bodies is recognizing the stress response in our bodies.
Most people think the sensations, emotions, and thoughts associated with the stress response are normal.
But when people come to understand how normal is supposed to feel, they are quite pleasantly surprised.
The key to getting back to the true normal is to be aware of our sensations, thoughts, and emotions on a deeper level.
And that’s where I come in. 🤗
Through very simple, attainable practices - we’re talking a few minutes a day - you can deepen your awareness to see the stress response at a point when it’s easy to avoid.
Doing this could change the trajectory of your career, your relationship with your kids, and your marriage.
I know this because that’s what it’s done for me.
Interested in learning more?
Send me an email and let me know. (art@artburnscoaching.com)
I read yesterday that the American Psychological Association published a report last week the high-stress parents are feeling, due to covid 19, is “the new normal,” and as a parent in quarantine with two children, I believe it!
But the truth is that, while the stressors we’re experiencing are inevitable, the stress we feel is completely optional.
If you’d like to learn some simple PREEMPTIVE practices to help you AVOID the stress response, drop a comment below or send me a DM.
While the issues we face in the world are not new, the emotions involved are, in some ways, stronger than ever.
So now, more than ever is a time to be open and accepting of our emotions. To let them in and understand them.
But also it’s a time to understand our emotions, and their true sources, deeply and honestly with vulnerability.
And perhaps more importantly, it is time to understand the emotions of other people.
The only way to come to this understanding is to have the difficult conversations we need to have right now. But it is vital that, as we have these conversations, we commit to actively listening to one another. That is, we listen to understand each other.
If you would like a very simple set of instructions for actively listening and growing in the process, email me at art@artburnscoaching.com and I’ll send it over to you.
If you spend any time around me, you’ll soon hear me say the words Presence, Acceptance, and Compassion.
The degree to which we can embody these three qualities is the degree to which we can be resilient and happy in the face of life’s many challenges.
But this poses a paradoxical question that I get asked all the time, especially by the parents I work with:
“But what about planning?”
Of course, planning is necessary and important in many areas of life.
The challenge is to plan with Presence, Acceptance, and Compassion.
Want some help in figuring out how that’s done?
Well then send me an email and let's chat! art@artburnscoaching.com
One of the lesser-known impacts of stress on our bodies is the impact stress has on our memory.
And if you’ve ever forgotten something really important, you know the value of memory.
Have you ever felt so thoroughly prepared for a meeting, a presentation, or an exam, and at the moment it was time to perform, your mind just went blank?
Well, that’s because the part of your brain responsible for recalling (and creating) memories, is offline during the stress response.
Not only that, but while you sleep is when your short term memories are converted to long term memories, and sleep quality is universally impacted by chronic stress.
If you’d like to learn some simple exercises to reduce the stress in your life and automatically improve your memory, send me an email (art@artburnscoaching.com) so we can set up a time to chat.
Stress is a physical response to whatever your body, including your brain, senses as a threat.
And the system for this is truly amazing!
The part of your brain responsible for the stress response is why you react to the screech of tires before you even know what’s going on.
The trouble is that this same part of your brain is vigilantly monitoring your thoughts as much as it is your five senses.
So when your mind constructs stories around perceived consequences to an experience, your brain reacts as if the story IS an experience.
And the only way it knows to protect you is the stress response.
And as helpful as this response is as you hear a screeching tire, it hinders your ability to creatively solve mental and emotional problems.
Want to know how to avoid this physical response to your mental and emotional experiences? Shoot me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com so we can schedule a time to chat.
Another very common and prominent source of stress is the process of the mind to rehearse and rehash the future and past events of our lives.
We rehearse an upcoming meeting in order to be prepared. Nothing wrong with that, right?
In a way, no. But the problem is that our minds are really good at creating stories, very quickly.
And because our brains are wired for survival, we mostly create stories around the worst-case scenarios.
This leads to fear.
Fear leads to stress in our bodies.
Stress in our bodies removes the very resources we need to solve whatever problem we’re concerned with.
So the key is to become present.
And with a little practice, becoming present can be as easy and automatic as the rehearsing and rehashing.
Want to learn some simple practices? Drop a comment below or send me a DM.
mindfulness #presence #acceptance #compassion #emotionalintelligence
For over a century, psychologists and neuroscientists have known that the ability to focus the wandering mind is essential to our mental, emotional, and physical well being.
But the wandering mind is also a key source of the stress response.
And when we can train ourselves to focus our minds in the present moment, we gain the ability to reduce or even avoid the stress response in our bodies.
For information on some simple practices to help develop this skill, email me at art@artburnscoaching.com!
By paying attention to our experiences through ALL of our senses - our five outer senses, our sense of the internal experience of body, emotions, and thoughts, and the sense of our connection to others - we expand our awareness.
Think of it like this: imagine your awareness is an espresso cup filled with water and you put a teaspoon of salt into it. The water is way too salty to drink, right?
But if you expand your awareness to the size of a 5-gallon jug, the same teaspoon of water is not noticeable.
The salt, of course, can be any of life’s difficulties, small or large.
And expanding your awareness enables you to maintain balance in the face of all of them.
It’s simple. But it requires a bit of practice.
If you’d like to talk about some of these practices, leave a comment below or send me a DM.
mindfulness #stressreduction #bodyandmind #presence #acceptance #compassion #awareness
One of the most powerful ways to ground ourselves in the present moment and avoid the fear-based thoughts that foster the stress response in our bodies is to bring awareness to the connection between ourselves and others.
This is not exclusively a spiritual concept but is actually rooted in hard-nosed neuroscience.
And the evidence of the benefits of paying attention to the connection is very strong.
Aside from helping us avoid the stress response in our bodies, awareness, and cultivation of this connection to others can vastly improve our physical, emotional, and mental health.
The stress response in our bodies is always caused by some level of fear.
Fear is an emotion that is often caused by other emotions arising from a given experience or thought.
So when we meet our emotions and thoughts with presence, acceptance, and compassion, we can avoid the fear that arises.
And in the absence of fear is the absence of the stress response in our bodies.
And in the absence of the stress response is equilibrium and happiness.
In the presence of equilibrium and happiness we will find almost endless possibilities.
mindfulness #presence #acceptance #compassion #stressreduction #bodyandmind #emotionalinteligence #healthyhabits
We have the same tendency of judgment to our internal experiences - our thoughts, our emotions, and the sensations in our bodies - as we do with our external experiences.
And resulting stress, which only makes things less pleasurable and more difficult, is the same too.
The key to solving these problems is not to avoid these experiences.
The solution lies in our ability to be present with these experiences.
And let me know if you’d like to learn some simple practices to build this trainable skill.
For most of us in modern society, stress is the physical response to a mental and emotional experience.
Ironically, this physical response actually takes away the very resources we need to solve the problem presented by this mental/emotional experience.
The solution, then, is to address the emotional experiences and prevent the trigger of this physical response.
A very effective way to do this is to train yourself and build a skill of moment to moment non-judging awareness.
As we expand our awareness through simple practices of presence, acceptance, and compassion, we develop the vital skill of body awareness.
The more we become aware of our bodies, the more skillful we become in recognizing the sensations and emotions responsible for the stress response in our bodies.
This allows us to see the stress response in its infancy when we can easily take action to avoid it, rather than when it blows up and hijacks our day.
And for some simple practices to get you started, feel free to email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
Of all the skills that arise from reducing stress and increasing emotional intelligence, mindful communication is arguably the most important.
For more information, check out my full length YouTube video (link in comments)
And for some simple practices to develop this vital skill, hit my up in the comments or with a DM.
#emotionalintelligence #stressreduction #healthyhabits #presence #acceptance #compassion
Not only is awareness the very key to our mental well being, it is also the first step to the vital skill of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is beneficial in every aspect of our lives.
As one of my clients just said: emotional intelligence is a super power.
And, like any skill, it is trainable.
For more information on developing emotional intelligence for the benefit of your life, check out the lates full length video on my YouTube channel or comment below.
#mindfulness #stressreduction #bodyandmind #emotionalinteligence
If you’ve spent much time on social media lately, you’ve seen an abundance of something called confirmation bias.
One of many implicit biases that make up the ‘programming’ of our minds, confirmation bias is particularly effective in disrupting effective communication.
The key to neutralizing the effect of implicit bias, and all the other biases that influence our experiences, is to make it explicit.
And the key to doing this is to practice awareness and practice pausing.
For more on this topic, check out my latest YouTube video.
#stressreduction #bodyandmind #presence #healthyhabits #mindfulness #acceptance #emotionalinteligence
Most of the stress we experience comes from our fear based thoughts and emotions.
Therefore, one of the most effective ways to avoid the stress in our bodies is to eliminate these fear based thoughts.
How we do this is to build habits of presence.
In other words, we learn to automatically align our minds, which wander to these thoughts of fear, with our bodies, which feel safe and secure.
To learn more, check out my latest YouTube video.
And for some simple practices to build these habits, drop a comment below or send me a DM.
#presence #mindfulness #stressreduction #bodyandmind
As we practice paying attention, without judgment, to our moment to moment experiences, we develop the vital skill of empathy. And from empathy flows the very important quality of compassion. And from compassion comes stress reduction, happiness, and fulfillment. And here is the article I mention in today’s episode: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/may/09/the-real-lord-of-the-flies-what-happened-when-six-boys-were-shipwrecked-for-15-months?utm_source=digg
Often, part of our programming includes our tendency to compare ourselves to others.
In my full length video (link in comments) I talk about how this process can lure us away from the conditions of our happiness.
And I talk about how the opposite action, practicing EMPATHY, will bring us back into our happiness.
If you’d like more information, please leave a comment or send me a DM.
#mindfulness #bodyandmind #stressreduction #healthyhabits #presence #acceptance #compassion
As we bring awareness to the programming by which we operate, it might occur that some of our reactions and tendencies are ‘not our fault.’ As we come to this conclusion, the natural progression is to feel a sense of self compassion. Here is a meditation to start the process. Enjoy!
From the time of our birth to about our seventh birthday, we are developing our ‘programming’ that becomes the prism through which all our future experiences pass.
We build this prism by absorbing the behavior and interactions of our parents, caregivers, teachers, friends, and even the cartoons we watch.
But the truth is, as it relates to the stress response in our bodies, this programming has as much to do with your Mother’s, and even your Grandmother’s experiences.
A fantastic book on this subject is called:
‘It Didn’t Start With You’ by Mark Wolynn
Stress is ALWAYS caused by fear.
Fear CAN be a present, physical fear, such as the fear a zebra feels as she’s fleeing a hungry lion.
And the stress response to the fear in the zebras body is EXACTLY the same as the stress response in your body.
But most people in modern society don’t encounter present fears like a zebra and a hungry lion do.
Instead, our fears are based on our thoughts - usually thoughts of some future outcome over which we have little or no control.
Yet, 77% of us manage to feel chronic stress - imagine a poor zebra being chased by a hungry lion EVERY SINGLE DAY.
So the key to being like a zebra and only feeling that stress when it’s really necessary, is to be present.
If you’d like some simple exercises to develop the habit of presence, (so you don’t have to remember) drop a comment below or send me a DM.
#presence #mindfulness #bodyandmind #lettinggo #stressreduction #acceptance #healthyhabits
The suffering we feel, whether physical, mental, or emotional, is mostly not the result of our direct experiences.
Instead, the suffering we experience is a result of our unwillingness to accept our experience.
As we learn to hold our sensory, emotional, and mental activity in non judging awareness, we very quickly discover their impermanence.
And understanding the impermanence of our experiences makes it much easier to accept them.
For more information, including simple practices you can do to develop this non judging awareness, please leave a comment or send me a message.
Also, check out the full length video on my YouTube channel.
#mindfulness #lettinggo #bodyandmind #stressreduction #presence #acceptance #healthyhabits #wellness
As we get through these strange and often difficult times, one of the most helpful and important things to remember is the impermanence of this experience.
And recognizing the impermanence of EVERY experience is even more helpful.
But when we’re in the midst of challenging times, it’s very difficult to remember impermanence.
During challenging times, it can feel like we’ll NEVER get through it.
And that’s where habit comes in.
A habit is something your body knows better than your mind does. And it eliminates the need to remember.
The only way to develop a habit is through repetition. Through practice.
Today I offer a guided meditation that I think you’ll like.
The key to stress reduction... and the key to our well being in general... is awareness.
And really the only way to develop awareness is through intentional practice.
Compassion has been shown, in abundant studies done by everyone from neuroscientists to the US Navy, to benefit our physical, emotional, and mental health, while also making us more successful in our careers.
It doesn’t take any extra time to be compassionate in any given situation.
And it takes a lot LESS energy.
So why don’t we practice it more?
The simple answer to this simple question is one simple word:
Habit.
One of the most beneficial things you can do for your health and well being is also one of the most misunderstood.
Forgiveness
Many view forgiveness with fear based thoughts and emotions, which is why it is so tied to the stress response in our bodies.
If you’d like to learn more about this connection, and some simple practices that can help you reduce stress by embracing forgiveness for yourself and others, drop a comment below or send me a DM.
#mindfulness #bodyandmind #lettinggo #stressreduction #presence
When we engage in judgment of our experiences, eventually we wind up in fear based thoughts and emotions, opening ourselves to the stress response.
This puts our body into survival mode.
When we train ourselves to pay attention to our moment to moment experiences without judgment, we open ourselves to compassion.
This puts our body in growth mode.
When we enter growth mode, we are limitlessly creative and full of potential.
As we learn to be aware of our moment to moment experiences, free from judgment, we open ourselves to understanding ourselves and others.
This is the foundation of the vital quality of empathy that will serve you in so many ways.
One of the most profound results of paying attention, without judgement, to your moment to moment experience, is your understanding and aligning with your inner nature.
I know from experience that when you can live within your inner nature, you are truly optimized to fulfill all your potential.
For many, the answer to this question will depend on what circumstances you’re experiencing.
And when our happiness is dependent on our experience, we wind up riding a roller coaster of emotions.
And without awareness of this up and down cycle, our minds will tend to cling to the happy times and push away from the unhappy times.
This clinging and aversion will often result in fear, which will invite stress into our bodies.
If you’d like to learn some simple practices to even out this roller coaster of emotions, and elevate your baseline of happiness, drop a comment below or send me a DM.
Since much of our stress response is triggered by some level of fear associated with interpersonal experiences, empathy is a vital tool in reducing the stress in your body and meeting every experience from a position of balance and power.
One really great practice to cultivate a habit of curiosity and vulnerability is active listening.
Most of us don’t really listen to understand as much as we listen to respond.
But when we train ourselves, through regular practice, to listen to understand, we develop a curious and more vulnerable nature and also improve our communications and our interpersonal relationships.
Overwhelming evidence in research tells us that processing our emotions openly and honestly not only results in feeling well, but also is crucial to avoiding very serious physical illness.
And openly and honestly processing our emotions requires vulnerability.
When we practice paying attention without judgment, we train ourselves to be more vulnerable and after a short while we develop a habit of vulnerability.
While compassion allows you to offer support to others, it also deeply helps you physically, mentally, and emotionally.
This self directed help comes in the form of stress reduction and vital integrations between various areas of your brain, as well as various areas or the rest of your body.
But there is yet another benefit in how you will relate and present yourself to those whose lives you touch every day.
This happens in the form of what’s called limbic resonance and it forms a beautiful and virtuous cycle that gets stronger and stronger the more you practice.
As we allow compassion to lead us in our decisions, actions, and emotions, and avoid the fear that causes the stress in our bodies, it’s very important to show compassion for ourselves.
Yet, because of the minds inclination to judge and criticize, most of us find it extremely challenging, if not impossible to offer compassion to ourselves.
Today on my podcast, I lead a self compassion meditation that I would love for you to check out.
I’ll post a link in the comments.
I think you’ll find that it feels good to be kind to yourself.
During this time where nothing is normal and there is plenty to fear, we have a choice.
We can turn away from the fear, or we can lean into it and use this abnormal time as an opportunity.
A lot of people are suggesting this is an opportunity to be productive and accomplish big new things.
But I’m talking about an emotional opportunity.
If we use this time to allow the compassion in our heart to lead us, we will reduce the stress in our bodies cause by the fear.
And in this process, we will optimize our minds and bodies to find the solutions to the problems we face.
Every time your body enters the stress response, it is triggered by fear.
For some, it is the fear of an actual, physical threat.
For most, it is fear based thoughts and emotions.
Since 95% of our thoughts are automatic, we don’t even know these stress triggering thoughts are happening.
One of the best ways to interrupt these fear based thoughts is to replace them with thoughts of compassion
The science couldn’t be more clear: we are happier when we are present with what we are doing.
That is to say, when we are paying ATTENTION to what we are doing.
And when we are happy, we are not afraid.
And when we are not afraid, the stress response doesn’t happen in our bodies.
Check out this video for a couple of examples of scientific studies about this and for a simple practice you can do at home to develop a HABIT of presence.
If you’d like some help with these practices, please drop a comment below or send me a DM.
#presence #bodyandmind #stressreduction #mindfulness
While getting through these very strange and often difficult times, it’s important to pay attention to our bodies.
And that includes how much we are consuming, including the consuming of information for our minds
This is a great meditation to do first thing in the morning that will help set the tone for the day in a positive way.
When things aren’t going well in life, one of the most powerful tools we have to lift us out of the downward spiral of negative thoughts and emotions is gratitude.
The reason for this is that even when things aren’t great, we can always find some things that are positive.
Gratitude is a way to pay attention to those positive things.
And when you practice gratitude regularly, it becomes a very beneficial habit that will neutralize your minds natural inclination to pay attention to the negative aspects of your life.
Comparing ourselves to others is not only unproductive and will often lead to stress, it’s also frequently inaccurate.
When we develop non-judging, moment-to-moment awareness of our experiences through the basic practices I talk about here, we better understand our emotional motivations.
And then we can clearly recognize when we are motivated by this comparison of ourselves to others.
Here is a great practice to develop acceptance and to process a difficult experience in a healthy and constructive way.
Even at a whopping 6 minutes long, this video goes through the practice quickly.
So if you would like more detailed instructions, in written form - it helps to tape them to your fridge as a reminder - send me an email to art@artburnscoaching.com
One great way to help yourself to develop the attitude of acceptance is to pay attention to the impermanence of life.
Whether we’re talking about the impermanence of light that is evident during dusk or dawn, our aging bodies, or the impermanence of our sensations or emotions, when we pay attention, we see that nothing is static or permanent.
If you’d like to talk about some simple practices to help develop this awareness of impermanence and lead to the attitude of acceptance, email me- art@artburnscoaching.com
In order to develop an attitude of acceptance, it takes a little practice.
And while formal practices are always very powerful, there are informal practices that can help a lot as well.
Here is a simple practice that will cultivate an attitude of acceptance and also help to balance your brain and calm the powerful emotions that cause anxiety and stress.
Our most powerful tool to help us through difficult times, is acceptance.
But when I talk about acceptance, I don’t mean the simple acceptance of a specific circumstance.
What I mean is an attitude of acceptance.
In order to adopt this attitude of acceptance, it helps to create a mental habit of acceptance first.
And this comes from simple repetition.
If you’d like some tips and guidance in developing this very powerful habit and attitude, drop a comment below or send me a DM so we can schedule a brief call together.
#acceptance #bodyandmind #stressreduction #mindfulness
In these very strange and difficult days, the stress, anxiety, and depression can be very real and very, very powerful.
But there is a tool we all possess to stop the cycle of negative emotions that keep us mired in these states.
This tool is called acceptance.
But acceptance doesn’t mean acquiescence. Or being passive to your situation and surrendering the power to change.
In fact, acceptance is an active, strength-based act.
But because it doesn’t necessarily come naturally, it requires practice.
If you’d like to learn about some simple practices to get started on acceptance and get out of the stress, anxiety, and depression you may be feeling, send me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com so we can set up a time to talk.
Informal practices are really valuable because, unlike formal meditation, they take very little time, are done during our usual activities, and can be done very often, resulting in strong and positive habits.
Informal practices should be seen as a complement to formal meditation, as opposed to a replacement.
Here is one that combines presence with compassion and will reduce stress and foster connection in a powerful way.
#presence #stressreduction #bodyandmind #healthyhabits #mindfulness #connection #selfawareness #compassion #wellness
Stressors in our lives are inevitable. The stress they cause is optional.
In times like these, the anxiety levels for almost everyone are at super high levels.
We’re worried about our business, about our health, about the health of our families, about the amount of toilet paper we have in our homes, and many other things.
And as we engage in the worry over all these things, our minds become clouded, as though a haze has settled into an otherwise sunny day.
And the problem is that this haze blurs our vision, and the decisions we make through this hazy blur often exacerbate the problems rather than relieve them.
But there is a way we can gain power over the haze in our minds and see things more clearly so we can make decisions to relieve the anxiety and the stress in our bodies.
#stressreduction #mindfulness #presence #healthyhabits #bodyandmind #selfawareness
Please check out this meditation I just recorded and let it benefit you in powerful ways as you foster a sense of connection to the people around the world who share your experience, your fear, and worry during these challenging times.
Among the many challenges inherent in the social distancing we’re practicing now if the loss of routine and structure of schedule.
Along with the uncertainties we all face in these times, this absence of routine can leave us feeling lost and adrift.
And these feelings can trigger the stress response and leave you feeling uncomfortable in your body and, more importantly, will keep you from the clear mind that will allow you to put perspective on the whole situation.
One way to reintroduce routine into your days, even as every routine has been stripped away, is through a daily meditation practice.
Starting tonight, and every night for the next week or two, I will host a FREE zoom call wherein I will teach you how to meditate.
No prior experience necessary!
Just click one of the links in the comments to register for a call!
#mindfulnessmeditation #stressreduction #bodyandmind #healthyhabits #wellness #routine
These are strange times. And they can be scary times.
But if we succumb to the fear, our bodies will enter the stress response.
And when our bodies are in the stress response, among other things, our immune systems will be compromised.
And this means that we open ourselves to allow the virus, if we contract it, to do it’s work far more efficiently and therefore suffer more damaging effects.
One of the most effective ways to avoid this stress response is to pay attention to what’s happening as it’s happening so we don’t allow our minds to wander to the what if’s and if only’s that bring the stress with them.
So while these can be unnerving and scary times, they can also be times of opportunity.
Last night, I took the opportunity to come up with this stress reducing practice.
If you have any questions or would like to learn more, drop a comment below or send me a DM.
stressreduction #bodyandmind #presence #selfawareness #wellness #mindfulness
As we use mindfulness practices to reduce stress, increase emotional intelligence, and create the space and conditions for true happiness, we can practice in two ways.
Formal practice means to sit and meditate, while doing nothing else.
Informal practice, which is very effective as well, means practicing mindfulness - paying attention to our moment to moment experience as it happens and without judgment - during all of our daily tasks.
Because our digital devices play such a prominent role in our lives, I like to embrace this technology as I guide my clients into these informal practices.
And I’ve created a new tool that does just this!
If you’d like access to these downloadable tools, for free, drop a comment below or send me a DM and I’ll share the link with you.
#emotionalintelligence #mindfulness
“If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” My dear friend, teacher, and teacher Eileen OHare, LoveMore said this to me many years ago and it has been with me ever since.
It’s a profound statement that tells us that any time we feel overwhelmed by our emotions, it has much more to do with something from our past influencing our reaction to a present moment experience than it has to do with the present moment experience itself.
When we practice intentionally paying attention to our experiences as they happen, we develop a skill of moment to moment, non-judging awareness.
And in this skill we can respond to our present moment experiences appropriately, and without the influence of our past experiences.
We can leave the hysterical in the historical.
And this will help us avoid the stress response in our bodies which is almost never appropriate or necessary.
For more information about the practices to which I refer, please drop a comment below or send me a DM.
#stressreduction #healthyhabits #mindfulness #presence #selfawareness
When we come to see and understand our implicit biases and the emotions with which they are intertiwned, and to gain some control over them, it leads to another very important skill: empathy.
And together with the self awareness and self regulation, empathy forms the basis of emotional intelligence that will serve us in so many important ways.
One of the most powerful and common sources of the stress in our bodies is the set of implicit biases we carry.
These implicit biases are the filter through which all of our experiences pass and they determine our decisions and actions outside of our awareness.
And while we can’t really get rid of these biases, we can neutralize their effects by developing non-judging, moment-to-moment awareness through daily practices.
If you’d like to learn about some of these practices, please reach out to me via email: art@artburnscoaching.com or through my website artburnscoaching.com
In todays episode we talk about some neuroscience and how a particular neural circuit affects our thoughts about ourselves.
This simple practice, like many others I give you here, will get you into the habit of sending into your body.
When we cling to the things we label as positive in our lives and push away the things we label as negative, we engage in fear.
And this fear triggers the stress response in our bodies.
And this takes away our ability to fully enjoy the positive experiences or to effectively deal with the negative experiences.
The was to avoid this stress response is to develop habits through simple practices that allow ourselves to automatically see the transient nature of all the experiences we have in life.
Of the many ways in which stress impacts our bodies, the most immediate may be the inhibition of our immune system.
The very basic principle is that when you are in the stress response, your body will prioritize what it perceives as the most immediate threat.
And some illness that will harm you in the future is never that immediate threat.
‘I hope that yesterday was the best day of your life.’
I put quotes around this because it’s something that was said to me during one of the most inspiring conversations I’ve ever had.
Another thing the man said to me was that if you’re not there for yourself in the beginning and end of every day, you can’t expect to be there for anyone else in your life.
So what’s your morning and/or evening routine?
Wanna reduce stress in your body and build a permanent habit of resilience to stressors?
Try practicing arriving.
Stressors are inevitable in this life, but the stress they cause in our bodies is optional.
This is something I tell people all the time.
And the deeper meaning of this statement is that we have a choice.
And just as we have the choice to opt out of stress in our bodies, we have a choice to be happy.
Not just when things are going well. But in any circumstance
We are always motivated in one of two directions.
We’re either motivated TOWARD something by desire, hope, or compassion.
Or we are motivated AWAY from something by fear.
And any time you find your body in the stress response, you can be sure that you’re motivated by the latter
When you find yourself tangled up in the overthinking and feeling the stress that it causes, it is almost always because of one of three things.
We all have a great tendency to overthink things.
And the most common way we do this is imagining the worst case scenario.
The problem is that we all are very creative in this sense and most of the time we come up with very vivid and scary images of potential outcomes.
And as soon as fear gets involved, we trigger the stress response in our bodies.
And as soon as we trigger the stress response in our bodies, we optimize ourselves for survival and we literally shut down many of our resources for creatively solving the problem with which we are dealing.
What is your weather right now?
I don’t mean the weather outside.
I’m talking about your emotional weather.
By intentionally checking in with your weather regularly, you will develop a level of awareness that will lead to amazing benefits in every area of your life.
While this practice is super simple and requires very little effort, it’s sometimes hard to commit to without motivation and accountability.
If you feel you could use this extra help, contact me and let’s talk about how I can provide it.
The only practice more important than self compassion, is compassion for others. I hope you enjoy this recording which helps you practice both.
While it is very healthy and important to allow our emotions to take their course, it is not healthy nor is it necessary to suffer with them all the time.
So to take actions to alleviate the negative emotions we experience so that we can live a happy and fulfilling life, it is important to understand the root cause of these emotions
Negative emotions, while uncomfortable, are not something we should strive to ‘get over’. Instead, there is so much we can learn from them and find personal growth through the process.
This informal practice is such a small investment of time and effort for such an amazing return of benefit. Try it out and let me know how it feels!
The wandering mind is the source of just about every emotional or psychological problems we can experience. The key to solving this problem lies in our ability to align our mind with our body.
This is perhaps the most important meditation any of us can do. Because we all carry this self loathing and it affects every experience we have, reprogramming our subconscious mind for self love can improve every single aspect of our lives.
The vast majority of people in western culture engage in self loathing, either consciously or not. This is an indication of our separation from our authentic self as a result of childhood trauma, and it becomes part of our programming.
As we practice compassion, as well as all the other mindfulness practices, we develop a sense of connection which give rise to integrity.
I have clients who have told me that this one, simple practice has changed their lives. Try it for a week or two and let me know how it feels to you.
Here’s a new meditation I just recorded, inspired by the wonderful Richie Davidson. I hope you enjoy it.
So many of us are living with chronic stress. Meaning, we are living in survival mode. And when we’re optimized to survive, we can’t be optimized to thrive.
The stress response is designed to help us survive physical life or death experiences. And although most people will never have such an experience, we have more stress now than we have at any time in our evolution.
Here is a simple and easy practice you can do daily to develop a sense of connection that will profoundly benefit you physically and emotionally.
How connected we feel to others enormously influences our stress, out mental/emotional well being, and our true happiness.
These are the simple instructions for the most basic form of meditation. I’ve covered a lot here, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.
Of all the many skills we develop through mindfulness practices, one of the most profound, and most applicable to our daily lives, is the skill of letting go.
Today we briefly explore the connection between stress and disease and the role our emotions play in the process.
The practice of journaling is very helpful in developing emotional intelligence, but also has shown tremendous physical benefits, as well.
Aligning with a sense of purpose... with something larger than yourself... is a very effective way to reduce stress, increase happiness, build emotional resilience, and avoid burnout.
Multiplying goodness meditation allows you to grasp the awesome power of compassion. Compassion will benefit you and those to whom you direct it.
This old saying is something that almost everyone has felt at some point, either on the receiving or the giving end. Today I talk about how mindfulness practices can help us navigate our emotions and avoid hurting those whom we love.
Welcome to Informal Friday’s! Every Friday I will give you a little informal (or semi formal) exercise you can use in various times when needed. Today, I give you a practice I’ve learned from two different, amazing teachers.
Today I talk about how the wandering mind can take away our happiness and invite stress into our bodies. And of course I discuss some simple practices to help in avoiding these negative results.
Here’s the TED Talk by Richie Davidson I reference one today’s episode: https://youtu.be/7CBfCW67xT8 Awareness is vital to our well being and today’s practice will help you develop both awareness and meta awareness - the awareness of awareness.
Today I discuss the profound effect that gratitude has on our lives, both in the short term and in the long term.
When the stressors come at you, accepting them won’t make it all better. But not accepting them will certainly make them worse.
This is a great mindfulness exercise you can do any time, but which is particularly effective when dealing with a difficult trigger situation. I recommend doing it daily - it only takes a few minutes - to develop the mental habit so that it will come naturally when you need it in difficult times.
Along with all the automatic thoughts come automatic behaviors. By cultivating non judging awareness through simple mindfulness practices, we can see these automatic behaviors and eliminate those that cause us stress.
To counterbalance the years of reinforcing and feeding the ANTs in our minds, we can practice self compassion.
You’ve probably hear of Ants in your pants. But have you ever heard of ANTs in your head??? Of the 95% of automatic thoughts we have every day, most of those are negative thoughts. Especially the ones about ourselves. And not only do these Automatic Negative Thoughts hold us back from living our best life, they are a major contributor to the stress response in our bodies.
Do you know how many thoughts you have every day? And do you know how many of them are completely automatic?
Optimism is key to the success of any endeavor we take on. And when optimism arises from self awareness, it is unshakeable.
The very important three step process that develops self confidence through open and honest self assessment.
Self awareness is integral to mindfulness practices and today I share a meditation that will help elevate yours. Check it out and let me know if you have any questions.
So much of our time is spent communicating with others. And often the choice of words we use can mean the difference between a positive outcome of a given communication and the stress response in our bodies. By practicing mindfulness, we develop a focused awareness of the words we use and gain command over this vital area of our lives.
Today I talk about the meaning of forgiveness. I discuss the emotional and physical health impacts of forgiveness and non-forgiveness.
I’m the same way that gratitude allows us to focus on the positive aspects of our lives, compassion allows us to focus on the positive aspects of the people with whom we interact. And the result is a reduction in stress, among many other positive benefits.
Today I talk about the importance of gratitude and how it can counteract the source of the stress response in our bodies.
This is a very helpful semi-formal exercise you can use any time to reduce stress in your body by bringing your attention to the present moment with non-judging awareness.
This is a great semi informal practice you can do when the stress of the holidays starts to overwhelm you. For written instructions on this exercise, email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
Most of the time, when our stress is triggered by our thoughts, it is the result of an experience not aligning with our unconscious expectations. By cultivating a non-judging awareness of our thoughts and experiences, we can relieve this stress.
In this episode I talk about a very important aspect of your health that is highly susceptible to chronic stress.
Today’s practice is one of the most basic, yet effective meditations I’ve recorded. Take 26 minutes today and try it. I would love to hear how you like it.
Today I talk about the stress response of our bodies, what causes it, and how mindfulness can help us avoid it.
In this episode I talk about how developing self awareness through mindfulness practices will lead to empathy and also will reduce your stress.
In this episode I give a personal example of how acceptance helps reduce stress and influences our empathic ability.
Today I talk about how Empathy circles back the the seven pillars of mindfulness that we talked about last week. Particularly with regards to acceptance.
This is my very favorite meditation. It’s designed to cultivate empathy and compassion. I hope you enjoy it.
Today’s topic is mindful communication. And I offer some really helpful practices to develop mindful communications. If you’d like copies, email me: art@artburnscoaching.com
In this episode I discuss how empathy can apply not only to emotional intelligence, but also to stress reduction.
It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time to practice!!!! This is a meditation from the archives. It’s called Meditation for Emotional Resilience. I hope you like it!
It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time to share a meditation! Here is another one I’ve just recorded live. I hope you like it. It’s a shortened version of the body scan and it is the most effective meditation for cultivating a sense of self awareness. If you can, I invite you to do this meditation every day and see what amazing changes take place in your awareness.
In the first of seven episodes, today I discuss the first pillar of mindfulness: non-judging.
Just like breathing can be both an object of mindfulness and a powerful tool for stress reduction, our smile can too.
In this episode I discuss the stress reducing power of just taking a few intentional diaphragmatic breaths.
Today, for the first (but probably not the last) time, I guide you through a meditation in a live setting. This is a form of traditional Loving Kindness Meditation, known as Metta in the Pali language. I hope you enjoy it and I hope you can do this mediation daily. If you do, you will gain incredible benefits.
In this first part of stress and compassion, I talk about the emotional, or psychological impact that compassion has on our stress levels.
In this episode I talk about the occupational risk factors for stress so that you have an idea of your risk factor and can observe and investigate for the benefit of your health.
A few points about why we sometimes tend to ignore the signs of stress in our bodies and how mindfulness practices help us identify them.
Today’s practice is an instruction and not a recorded meditation. The instruction is about a gratitude journal and if you do this practice every night the way I describe here, I promise you will feel an enormous difference in your life. If you’d like a written copy of this practice, email me: art@artburnscoaching.com. If you don’t want to write a whole message, simply put ‘gratitude journal’ in the subject line and I’ll shoot the pdf right over to you.
In this episode I talk about the kind of stress that can benefit us vs the kind of stress that damages us.
Morning routines are so important and helpful in stress reduction I would love to hear about yours!
In this episode I talk about the negativity bias we all have and how it impacts and causes stress.
In this late recording I talk about how forgiveness plays into the stress response of our bodies. And I forgive myself for recording this episode so late.
Forgiveness is not a sign or weakness, nor is it about approving or permitting someone’s actions. It’s about your health. This meditation will help you cultivate forgiveness for your benefit.
In this episode I give you one of my favorite informal compassion exercises. And I’m telling the story that inspired this exercise, I cry like a baby. Literally.
In this episode I talk about simple informal practices that can form a very important habit of connection to others that will result in emotional and physiological well being.
In this episode I illustrate how the thoughts we have build momentum and trigger the stress response in our bodies.
In this episode I talk about Telomeres. What they are and how they are affected by mindfulness and by stress. Spoiler alert: it’s good news/bad news.
Today’s meditation is all about acceptance. But sometimes we need to be sure of what is true before we can accept it. This meditation will help you do that.
Today I talk about non judging by its other name: acceptance. I talk about how we can develop this quality through practice and how this will help reduce the stress in our lives.
In this episode I talk about a little understood connection between stress and our ability to learn and create or recall memories.
Today I talk about the pillars central to our well being. Happily, it all starts with awareness that can be cultivated by mindfulness practices.
The other day I watched a recent video of Richie Davidson talking about neuroscience so today and tomorrow I’m going to tell you all about what he said.
In this episode I talk about the importance of self guided meditation. And I give you the perfect method for starting your own self guided meditation.
Today I take the definition I reviewed yesterday and I apply it to daily formal practice.
In this episode I talk in a deeper way about the definition of mindfulness for a more rounded understanding.
In this episode I talk about the connection, both outwardly and within the brain, built through compassion exercises.
In today’s episode I talk about the value and benefit to building empathy and compassion and the vital sense of connection that comes with this practice.
It’s Practice Wednesday! And here is an old favorite of mine. I’ve shared it here before, but it’s a really good one, so I’m sharing it here again! Check it out and I think you’re going to love it!
In a follow up to yesterday’s episode, today I talk about how compassion practices can impact the same family dramas in a positive way.
In this episode I talk about, as Thich Nhat Hanh says, when one person in a family practices Mindfulness, the rest of the family becomes more mindful automatically.
In this episode I talk about the self awareness that arises from Mindfulness practices and how this alone can be a teacher for us to see what kind of stress we have and where it shows up for us.
In this episode I talk about how developing the mental habit of mindfulness actually feeds upon itself and how the habit itself becomes a source of information for us.
This episode is a voice description of a hugely beneficial practice to develop the habit of active listening. The written instructions can be found here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1iEag7gZDZPv2oQSRm2FwTT0PV3LReJNL/view?usp=drivesdk I recommend doing this practice daily for 2-3 weeks and then doing it informally during almost every conversation you have. (Hint: after a few weeks, you’ll find that you can’t avoid listening in this way!)
In this episode I talk about one of the most beneficial mental habits we can form: the habit of active listening. I go over 3 really valuable benefits of this practice and I preview the formal practice I will post tomorrow for practice Wednesday.
In this episode I talk about the habit of investigation that forms through mindfulness practice and how this habit can reduce distress, increase Eustress, and serve us in our lives.
In this episode I talk about what we mean when we say non-judging in mindfulness. And I talk about how to create this mental habit in order to reduce the stress in our bodies.
In this episode I talk about how the habits we have impact our stress response and how these are mostly traceable back to our early childhood.
It’s Wednesday! And that means you get a new guided meditation. Like the rest of the meditations I’ve given you on Wednesday’s past, you should be doing this one at least once per day for optimal results. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to art@artburnscoaching.com or go to my website (artburnscoaching.com) and schedule a virtual cup of tea. I hope you enjoy this mediation! It’s my favorite!!!
In this episode I talk about the often overlooked connection between compassion and stress reduction. I also review one of the most valuable informal practices I know.
In this episode I talk about the transactional nature of the stress response and how helpful and important it is to understand this fact in our efforts to reduce stress in our bodies. Also, at the end, I make a very special offer for a group coaching program. If I can get at least 20 people to join, I will offer an 8 week mindfulness based stress reduction course for just $40 per person. And you can even pay by the week! If you’re interested, or if you have any questions, shoot me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com. Either ask what questions you have, or simply put ‘I’m in’ in the subject line.
100 Episodes!!!!! Thank you so much for your support! Today I talk about the difference between Distress and Eustress and how these both work in our body and how one inhibits the other. Also, if you’d like to learn more about stress and how to reduce it through mindfulness, check out the FREE online workshop I’m hosting on Sunday. Here’s the link to register: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-tame-stress-and-eliminate-reactivity-in-8-less-than-8-weeks-tickets-73454892561?utm_source=eb_email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=new_event_email&utm_term=viewmyevent_button
In this episode I talk about how forgiveness (and unforgiveness) impacts our stress levels and how almost every human illness can be traced back to stress. If you’d like to join my FREE online workshop on stress reduction this Sunday at 5:00 pm PST, here’s the link to register: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-tame-stress-and-eliminate-reactivity-in-8-less-than-8-weeks-tickets-73454892561?utm_source=eb_email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=new_event_email&utm_term=viewmyevent_button
It’s Wednesday! And that means it’s time to practice!!! Here is a meditation that can serve as a preview for tomorrow’s episode, in which I will talk about the science of forgiveness and how it can affect our bodies in the exact same way that stress does. Enjoy!
In this episode I talk about how the stress response limits our ability to think creatively and solve problems.
Today is a bit of a back-to-basics episode about how stress affects our bodies and how mindfulness can help. Don’t forget about my online workshop this Sunday, 9/29 at 5:00 pm PST called How to Tame Stress and Eliminate Reactivity in Less Than 8 Weeks. Here’s the link to register: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-tame-stress-and-eliminate-reactivity-in-8-less-than-8-weeks-tickets-73454892561?utm_source=eb_email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=new_event_email&utm_term=viewmyevent_button
In this episode, I talk more about the bearish kinds of wealth we can accumulate and how these affect our stress and happiness. Also, I announce a FREE online workshop I’m hosting next Sunday, 9/29 at 5pm PST. You can register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/how-to-tame-stress-and-eliminate-reactivity-in-8-less-than-8-weeks-tickets-73454892561
Today I talk about the different kinds of wealth we can accumulate, including, but not at all limited to, financial wealth.
It’s Wednesday! And that means it’s practice Wednesday!!! Last week I gave you a meditation for falling asleep. And today I give you one for waking up. It’s a wonderful meditation you can do first thing in the morning to start your day off with gratitude and positive thoughts. Enjoy!
In this episode, I talk about some tips and techniques for job searching that I’ve gained from my own coach who happens to be a former executive recruiter.
In this episode I take a big step back to the basics and talk about how mindfulness and emotional intelligence are not at all about controlling or avoiding our emotions, as many people think. It’s all about learning from these emotions and controlling our reactions to them.
In this episode I talk about how empathy can cause stress in our bodies and how to deal with it. I also talk about the physiology of stress on the neurological level.
It’s Wednesday! And that means practice!!! Here is the recording of my short sleep meditation. I hope you like it! And if you need something a little longer, try this Body Scan by Jon Kabat Zinn. It’s 45 minutes and most people don’t get past about 15 minutes before dozing off... https://youtu.be/u4gZgnCy5ew
In this episode I talk about the stress that can arise from the roles we play in our lives and how to reduce the stress by applying a mindful awareness of our various roles.
In this episode I talk about one of the most vital and important types of stress. Sleep stress! I reference these two doctors during the episode. Please take some time to listen and/or watch. Not only are they very entertaining, they are vitally helpful and informative. Dr Breus: https://podcast.mindvalley.com/michael-breus-optimizing-your-sleep/?_ga=2.128917132.1652647899.1544119873-85554509.1544119873 ... And Dr Walker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXflBZXAucQ
In this episode I talk about time and the stress it can cause in our lives. And of course I give you some great ways to reduce this stress and manage your time.
In today’s episode I talk about the huge subject of stress. I cover what stress is, what causes it, and the positive and beneficial ways to handle it so it doesn’t damage your health.
It’s Wednesday, and that means it’s time to practice!!!! Here is one of my very favorite formal practices that develops both empathy and compassion. If you’d prefer a shorter version of this practice, you can download it here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1X65z0GApm_JyTs9FLD945FO6B0UeQVBF/view?usp=drivesdk. But please understand that the longer version in today’s episode includes some mindfulness practice as well for a more rounded meditation.
Today I talk about how self awareness, cultivated through mindfulness, allows us to see even the tiny changes in our bodies and minds and allows us to thrive.
In this episode I talk about my personal story, which includes the reckoning with a big problem I used to have with alcoholism and other addictions. I talk about how mindfulness plays a role in my recovery (yes, it’s the present tense because recovery is never really ‘done’). And I offer some help for anyone who might be living with the same difficulty as I did for so many years.
Today I talk about how the practice of mindfulness will lead beyond emotional intelligence and into integrity.
In this episode I talk about how mindfulness can help us with the limiting language we use with ourselves and help us avoid triggering the stress response with our words.
It’s practice Wednesday! And this week I’m giving you a wonderful meditation that will help form the super valuable mental habits of 1. Seeing the goodness in others, 2. Giving Goodness to others, and 3. Realizing with confidence and optimism that you have the transformative power to add Goodness into the world around you. The results of these habits will be that people trust, admire, and respect you on a higher level. Enjoy!
In this episode I talk about the importance of new learning, especially through reading. Did you know that the average CEO in America reads up to 60 books per year? Reading, especially non-fiction, creates new synaptic connections in the brain and promotes neuroplasticity. And reading about mindfulness and emotional intelligence will give you a point of reference for the practices we talk about in this podcast. Here are links to the reading and watching lists I share with my clients. Click it and bookmark it so you can check back from time to time, as I update it as I read new books that are applicable to this subject: READING LIST: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZHSi5ntT-m0YVP9u0dPBbY0vg5Ftq2osv7JGfJEb5W8 CURATED VIDEOS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TisWu8aUnTv7bfSOUCdBL3SyLJSHri5GWhjj9sSwbDw. ENJOY!
In this episode I talk about how we are motivated by the physical feelings our emotions create and how practicing non-judging, moment to moment awareness of the positive, negative, and neutral experiences in our lives we reclaim the power of this motivation.
In this episode I talk about approaching every situation with an attitude of curiosity and openness that will lead to resilience and happiness. It will also allow you to see obstacles and failure as opportunities to learn, grow, and succeed.
In this episode I talk about an amazing Nerve in our bodies called the Vagus Nerve and how it is central to many health benefits. And I give you a practice that will ultimately result in a higher vagal tone and improved health. I also mention this TED Talk: https://youtu.be/fHoEWUTYnSo Check it out!
This is a fantastic meditation to gain insight into where our emotions reside within our bodies. Don’t feel discouraged if it seems hard the first time you do this one! Please stick with it and try it a few times.
In this episode I give you a really cool and wonderfully effective practice that will integrate your brain AND develop your self awareness. Enjoy!
Today we explore the concept of self awareness more deeply in order to gain a better understanding of our emotional process, especially in the context of our preferences, resources, and intuitions.
In this episode I describe what a lot of people experience in their minds. I call it a runaway train of thought and it can severely hamper your day if you don’t stop it. The perfect solution? Listen to the episode to find out!
In this episode I take us back to the basics and review the 5 key domains of Emotional Intelligence. And I talk about how they apply to our lives and the importance of practicing to develop these skills.
Here is the guided meditation for Emotional Resilience. It’s very helpful in developing resilience so that we don’t allow failures in life to drag us down and also so we don’t let successes make us feel infallible. Enjoy!
Today I talk about what Daniel Goldman calls I/It and I/You relationships and how we can practice self awareness and empathy around this subject in order to develop Emotional Intelligence.
In this episode I tell a really beautiful story about altruism and compassion making a deep impact on the lives of some young people. And I give you a fun practice you can do to try it yourself. Please take 5 minutes a day for a week and let me know how you feel afterwards.
In this episode I talk about the default mode network and how for most of us, due to cultural conditioning, it operates in isolation and contributes to depression, anxiety, and addiction. And I discuss practices that can build an integration in our brains for a better sense of well being. In the end I make a very special offer.
In this episode I talk again about the practice of journaling and how much it has helped me in my life. And I share a specific story from earlier this week in which journaling came to my rescue!
It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time to talk about practice! This is the recording of the practice I reviewed two weeks ago. If you’re interested in receiving a free copy of this meditation, just shoot me an email at art@artburnscoaching.com and I’ll send you the link.
In this episode I talk about finding the feeling of love in our bodies. This goes far beyond simply feeling good. It’s actually a crucial step toward kind intention that will develop an integration of your brain for optimized performance.
Publishing this one from yesterday again, as the audio wasn’t playing properly yesterday. I apologize for the mix up.
In this episode I talk about the importance of a morning routine, how to establish one, and what it should include.
In this episode I talk about how the practices we do can shift us on a level of habit and result in meeting every experience we have with compassion and altruism.
It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time to review a formal practice! However, the loving kindness meditation is the one that would fit best, but I’ve already reviewed that one a few weeks ago. So today, please accept my gift of a guided meditation I’ve written and recorded. If you have any questions, just reach out to art@artburnscoaching.com. And don’t forget to sign up for the 33 Day Compassion Challenge!!! It starts tomorrow!
Today I go further with the brain science and talk about studies that show our brains are wired for compassion.
In this episode I talk about the work of amazing scientists and researchers who’ve found the physiological basis for the benefits of compassion
In this episode I talk about how compassion can not only make you a happier person, but also will make you a more effective leader in your business.
In today’s episode I talk about a simple and easy informal practice that will help you transform into optimism for amazing effects in your life.
Today is practice Wednesday!!! And this week I go through a really helpful and powerful meditation that, if practiced daily, will help to form a habit of resilience for you that will be enormously valuable in your work and personal life. For a copy of the guided meditation, email me at art@artburnscoaching.com
In this episode I follow up on the resilience I talked about in the last few episodes. And I give you a simple exercise you can do TODAY to develop cognitive resilience in your life right away.
In this episode I go deeper into emotional resilience and talk about how acceptance can allow us to be free from the emotional discomfort that can come from all kinds of experiences in our lives.
Its Episode 50!!!! And so I talk about the resilience and optimism that helped me press on and keep going with these episodes. But of course, it’s not about me! I talk about how we can all train ourselves to be resilient and optimistic in the face of life’s challenges.
One often overlooked benefit to self awareness is the ability to see clearly how we present ourselves to those around us.
In this episode I review the formal practice of Walking Meditation. It’s a simple formal practice that helps encourage mindfulness in all our daily activities on an informal basis. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me: art@artburnscoaching.com or go to my website: artburnscoaching.com and book a virtual cup of tea with me.
In this episode I revisit the subject of a higher purpose—- it’s THAT important! —- but from the perspective of management and organization.
In this episode I talk about the three types of happiness as described by Tony Hsieh (pronounced Shay), the CEO of Zappos. Most importantly, I talk about the sustainability of each of these types of happiness and how to achieve them.
A higher purpose in your work can be the difference between happiness fueled success and stress fueled burnout. In this episode I tell a few stories to illustrate this and, of course, I offer some help in the form of simple exercises.
In this episode I give three really helpful tips on starting and sustaining a daily meditation practice.
It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time to review one of the many meditation practices I’ve discussed during this podcast! Today I talk about Circuit Training Meditation, a profoundly effective practice to develop focused attention and open awareness in a deep and lasting way. If you’d like a copy of a guided meditation to help you with this practice, send me an email or book a call with me and I’ll happily send it to you.
In this episode I talk about the important skills involved in self regulation. SPOILER ALERT: it’s not just about self control!
In this episode I walk you through 4 principles of dealing with the emotions of distress. Knowing and practicing these will help you avoid the damage that often accompanies reaction to emotional triggers.
In this episode I give you a great informal practice in paying full attention to the joyful experiences of your life and how this practice will enhance your skills in meditation for wonderful, blissful results.
In this episode I give instructions on how to do a daily gratitude journal. The effects of this practice are very powerful and I challenge you to do it for a few weeks and see how it feels.
Today I review this amazing practice you can use any time you feel yourself being triggered. It works equally as well at home and at work, especially when it is transformed into an automatic mental habit.
In this episode I talk about 3 investigations you can do to determine when you have been emotionally triggered. This is the crucial first step to avoiding the words or actions that could cause lasting damage in the workplace.
In this episode I talk about the amazing benefits of practicing gratitude and I review two very powerful ways to develop a mental habit for this powerful activity.
In this episode I talk about the linear process of developing self awareness and leading into self confidence.
In this episode I follow up on the Body Scan practice with another great exercise to increase your self awareness in the interest of developing your Emotional Intelligence.
In this episode I cover the formal practice of the body scan. It’s a great practice you can use to reduce stress, but it also helps develop self awareness which is key to raising your emotional intelligence.
In this episode I talk about the simple, yet amazing habit of setting intentions. Try it for two weeks and watch your life change more dramatically than you think is possible.
In this episode I talk about self awareness and how important it is to adopt the mental habit of self directed kindness.
In this episode I talk about how habits work and how we can form new and helpful mental habits that will serve us in our quest for success and happiness in work and beyond.
In this episode I talk about forgiveness and the amazing physical ramifications it holds.
It’s practice Wednesday! And today I talk about the second of the three essential practices in developing Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence: Loving Kindness.
In this episode I talk about the thoughts and stories our minds are so good at creating. And I give you some helpful practices to examine them to see how true (or not) they are.
In this episode, I go deeply into the definition of EI and it’s five key domains. I talk at length about how these apply to our work as managers, entrepreneurs, small business owners, or sales professionals.
In this episode I talk about the three negative mental states from which all negative emotions arise. I also talk about how, over a lifetime, these mental states can become our personality traits.
In this episode I talk about applying the practice of mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence to your conversations at work and beyond. And I give you several actionable tips you can put to use immediately.
Every Wednesday, starting today, I will do a practice review where I give you step-by-step instructions on a formal or informal practice that will cultivate the moment to moment non-judging awareness and, in turn, the Emotional Intelligence I cover in this podcast every day. Today, I cover the most basic practice there is: Mindfulness of the Breath.
In this episode I go deeper into the value of developing a habit of asking questions. This is a wonderful practice to do just that! RAIN= Recognition, Acceptance, Investigation, and Non-identification. It is a perfect companion exercise to the SBNRR I gave you a few episodes ago.
In this episode I talk about the value of developing a mind that asks questions in the place of making statements. As most of us are left brain dominant, this process will help in the important action of integrating our brains for optimization in all areas of our lives.
In this episode I talk about how we can use our breathing and our facial expressions to influence our brains and create a positive loop that serves us in our personal and business lives.
In this episode I talk more about mental biases and how they color our experiences and how awareness can allow us to transcend our automatic biases to live a life under our control.
In this episode I describe a 2 step process to finding a higher purpose in your work that can immunize you from the dangerous effects of burn out syndrome.
In this episode I talk about how your thoughts create your emotions, your emotions create feelings in your body, and the feelings in your body create more thoughts in a loop that can go on for a very long time. But I also tell you how to interrupt the loop so you can still have an enjoyable day.
In this episode I discuss ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts and how they play a huge role in limiting ourselves and hampering our progress in our personal and business lives. And, of course, I talk about how to overcome these negative, limiting thoughts by developing a mental habit through a basic practice that I share in the end.
In this episode I talk about the parasympathetic nervous system that calms us down from our stress response and how this wonderful nerve in our body helps to make it happen.
In this episode I talk about how stress and stressors align and intertwine with emotions and, by extension, with feelings in our bodies. And so, body awareness becomes a very effective way to handle stressors and avoid the stress reaction.
In this episode I talk about a story from my past, as a sales professional in an industry that saw massive changes in practices and revenue and how the struggle became too much for one particular fellow salesman.
In this episode I talk about stress vs stressors, the dangers involved, and the things we can do to reduce our stress and reclaim our well being in order to thrive in our lives.
In this episode I discuss further how we are wired for physical connection to one another and how we can use this connection to advance our business and sales. Enjoy!
In this episode I talk about using the senses of your body to inform you about your emotional state and how you can use this information to help avoid the dangers of stress.
In this episode I cover the benefits of stepping out of clock time and doing and enter into the time of now and being. And I give you some helpful ways to cultivate this state with the daily mundane activities you already perform, without the need to get into formal meditation.
In this episode I talk about awareness and how expanding our awareness enables us to avoid emotional hijackings that come in the form or emails and phone calls throughout our days. Of course, I talk about the parts of your brain involved in all of this and some simple practices you can do to increase this awareness and strengthen the part of your brain responsible for it. (Spoiler alert: this part of your brain is also integral to your emotional intelligence!)
In this episode, I give a wonderful practice for the office that will ease almost any interpersonal conflict in the office. It’s simple. It’s easy. And it requires nothing more than what you already have.
In this episode, I discuss the practice of Active Listening. I illustrate the benefits that come from this practice as well as how this practice helps a great deal in developing the mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence that is so helpful to the Business Manager, Sales Professional, and Business Owner.
In this episode I discuss how our brains are hardwired for connection, empathy, and compassion. I site several scientific studies to back this up. And at the end I give an easy practice to help develop this very trainable skill that will ultimately raise your level of Emotional Intelligence along with raising your profits and productivity. Enjoy!
In this episode I talk about some scientific studies and experiments that illustrate some of the neuroplasticity I discussed yesterday.
In this episode I take a step back and go over the basics on how mindfulness works to give you enormous benefits in your life with what seems like very little investment of time. Enjoy.
In this episode I discuss the three practices I use to help my clients to develop a trait of mindfulness and the skill of emotional intelligence. Most people associate these things with a spiritual experience, but here I illustrate how they can be applied to business and sales success.
Hello and welcome! In this introduction episode I lay out the framework for deriving power from mindfulness practices. This power comes from the presence that is cultivated through mindfulness practices and it will get you back to a position of confidence and restore within you the feeling that you can do anything!