Grow Mindfulness: Recent Episodes

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I never thought I would be writing a post that elevates pickleball to a similar level as tennis. As a “tennis tragic” I thought that pickleball was not the “real thing” as it is played on a court the same size as badminton and is promoted as a mix of this sport together with table tennis and tennis. It clearly hasn’t the depth of traditions of tennis and the great battles of the Grand Slams and Davis Cup matches. My disparagement of pickleball was shared by many in my tennis fraternity.

Necessity is the stimulus for innovation and a mind shiftI found as winter progressed again in Brisbane that the arthritis in the middle finger of my playing hand had worsened to the point that I had difficulty holding my tennis racquet and playing tennis caused a lot of pain. Added to this, was the ever-present threat of exercise asthma caused by exertion in the cold air (I take a couple of puffs of my inhaler before playing to prevent an asthma attack occurring).

The arthritis in my finger makes it difficult to execute my tennis shots with any consistency to the point that the attraction of experiencing competence in the game of tennis is diminished considerably and is replaced by frustration at not being able to execute what I have been able to do previously without difficulty. The arthritic condition of my finger is aggravated by “allergic arthritis” brought on by my MCAS chronic illness.

I have not been able to use my first serve in tennis for a number of years as it puts too much pressure on my weakened back. A recent diagnosis of multilevel disc degeneration in my spine has made this even more critical.

Ageing and pickleballAs I age, I lose speed in my reflexes, stamina in my body, strength in my arms and legs and overall fitness. While I use walking, stretch exercises and Tai Chi to offset these diminishing physical capabilities, there is an inevitability about the downward trend owing to wear and tear over many years.

The experts in ageing tell us that we can prevent the onset of dementia by physical and mental activity, especially by learning new skills that involve a cognitive component. For tennis players, pickleball requires a new language (paddle instead of racquet, dink instead of a drop shot) as well as new rules. New rules to learn for pickleball doubles include:

• You have to be serving to earn a point
• With the exception of the first serve of a game, once one server (Server 1) loses a point, their partner (Server 2) starts serving until they lose a point (then serving reverts to the opposing team)
• For the first serve of the first game, the first server is treated as Server 2 and once they lose a point, the serve immediately reverts to the opposing team (this can be difficult to get your head around!)
• You are not allowed to volley in the “Kitchen” (an area seven feet from the net which exists on both sides of the net).
• You have to serve underarm
• Double bounce rule – the server must let the return bounce before hitting the ball (unlike tennis where you can volley a service return).

While there are competitions and international tournaments dedicated to young pickleball players, there are distinct advantages of pickleball for older people. These advantages include:

• It is not as physically demanding as tennis
• There is a strong social element to the game (if you do not play competition)
• There are protocols for frequent rest breaks/drink breaks
• The rotation system enables at least an eleven-minute break (the length of a game) when your time off the court arrives
• You can take advantage of your competencies in other racquet sports acquired over the years
• The Kitchen rules re volleying “keeps the athletically and physically superior from dominating the game”
• It helps to maintain fitness and the motivation to keep fit
• The underarm service action places a lot less pressure on your back in comparison to the overhead motion of a tennis serve. (This has proved important for me as a recent diagnosis of neuropathy led to the discovery of multilevel disc degeneration in my spine.)
• Provides a chance to meet new people and extend your social network
• It can be played at various levels ranging from social to Advanced (competitive and tournament play); “social” means social. As one Pickleball trainer/coordinator explained – in social pickleball you are meant to play to the level of the opposition (e.g. withholding more advanced shots when playing beginners) – an ethos rarely shared in social tennis.

Using pre-existing skills and competenciesOne of the attractions for me in pickleball (being a new arena for me) is the opportunity to try out different shots each time I play. Unlike a tennis racquet, the pickleball paddle does not have strings and the ball comes off the paddle differently to a tennis racquet. While you may have competencies in spinning, volleying, lobbying and smashing from playing tennis, you have to make adjustments when using a pickleball paddle with a plastic ball.

The bounce of the ball is very different and requires a lot of knee bending. However, the challenges associated with a new “bat” and ball make it necessary to make adjustments to playing shots and to learn new skills.

Existing tennis skills such as anticipation and preparation can stand you in good stead when playing pickleball. You can also draw on different spins you have mastered such as topspin, backspin and slice. For those who have mastered the two-handed backhand in tennis, there are pickleball bats with an extended grip to enable two-handed shots.

Competency in devising game strategy is transferable from tennis to pickleball. For example, tennis drills designed to develop skills in controlling the net in tennis doubles can be drawn on when playing pickleball. This could involve drop shops (dinks), or playing the ball long, sliced or angled to place an opponent at a disadvantage. Other tennis drills associated with playing the ball down the line can come in handy in pickleball as very few people use (or able to use) this strategy in social pickleball.

ReflectionIn a previous post I explained how tennis can help us to grow in mindfulness by developing our focus on the present moment, improving our capacity to pay attention, increasing our ability to act with intention and strengthening our resolve to “accept what is” (both our mental and physical capabilities at the time and those of our playing partner and opponents). Likewise, pickleball can provide growth in mindfulness as a rich fringe benefit, especially when we play socially and choose, on purpose, to play at the level of our opponents.

I have also shared how I have found that Tai Chi, as a regular mindfulness practice, can develop tennis competence by improving concentration, coordination, reflexes and the ability to tap into heightened insight and instinctive responses embodied in body memory. I’m discovering that this is true also of pickleball as I unconsciously access tennis skills developed over many years of tennis practice and playing.

In reflecting previously on my tennis game and skill, I wrote a poem called, For the Love of Tennis. Reflecting on my discussion of pickleball, I have now developed an Ode to Pickleball titled, For the love of Pickleball.

For the Love of PickleballPickleball can be playful and fun:
Accessing our childlike creativity,
Building partner relationships.

It can promote growth:
Learning a new language, rules and skills,
Growing in mindfulness and sensitivity.

It can develop competence:
Using new tools in different ways,
Experiencing joy in execution.

It can enhance fitness:
Using new muscles,
Increasing motivation to stay fit.

Pickleball for quality of life and longevity:
Learning, laughing and enriching,
Moving beyond limited mindsets.

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By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

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Diana Winston, Director of UCLA Mindful, introduced the idea of bodily sensations as an anchor in meditation. As she was specifically explaining standing and walking meditations (in lieu of sitting meditation), she focused on the sensations in our hands, our legs and our feet.

Diana’s guided meditation podcast was one of the free, weekly podcasts offered by meditation teachers at UCLA Mindful. At the outset, she explained the concept of an anchor in meditation.

Diana asked us to envisage a ship’s anchor keeping a ship in place despite being buffeted by winds and tidal surges. The analogy means that a “meditation anchor” serves to help us maintain our focus despite being “buffeted” by our thoughts and emotions. Just as a ship is surrounded by water, we are immersed in our thoughts and emotions – a fact of life that is inescapable.

The secret power of meditation is the capacity to constantly return to our focus despite ongoing distractions and our anchor supports this process. Over time this capacity builds concentration and resilience as we develop the ability to deal with “negative self-talk”, difficult emotions and the vicissitudes of the human condition.

A standing meditationDiana suggested that we explore a standing meditation by slowly shifting our weight from one foot to the other. She pointed out that a lot of our functions such as standing and walking are performed unconsciously. Meditation involves paying attention to specific functions/activities as they occur and, in the process, exploring the bodily sensations that occur with a sense of curiosity and openness. It also involves accepting things as they are, e.g. accepting an inability to stand for longer than two minutes or unevenness of our posture due to a spinal injury.

As we shifted from one foot to the other, Diana asked us to pay attention to the sensations in our legs and feet. We can notice the added pressure on one foot as we move our weight from the other foot. We can notice tightening of the muscles in the weight-bearing leg . As part of the process of a standing meditation, we can effect a progressive focus on each of the muscles in our leg and then focus on the sensations in our foot. There could even be the experience of muscle spasms or cramping. Diana encourages us to undertake the standing meditation being conscious of our physical limitations, e.g. if we are unable to stand without pian, then a sitting meditation is a better option.

A walking meditationA walking meditation involves walking slowly while being conscious of the physical sensations as we raise and lower our feet. It takes considerable discipline to slow down enough in our hectic world to pay attention to minute bodily sensations. However, the act of mindful walking can create a sense of calm and peace if we maintain the focus on our anchor.

We can also add surrounding sounds as an additional focus. On my morning walks in another area, I used to listen to the call of birds that were in bushes above, below and beyond me. This focus enhanced the practice of mindful walking for me.

In previous posts I have detailed approaches to mindful walking inside and mindful walking outside. The latter approach can incorporate awareness of all the senses, a form of natural awareness.

ReflectionThrough much of life we hasten to get somewhere or to achieve a goal, e.g. a fitness goal as we walk or run at pace over a specified distance. Mindful walking helps us to become more conscious of our surrounds and our bodily sensations. The process enables us to slow down, detach from our goal-oriented behaviour and build our capacity for natural awareness, being in nature with curiosity and wonder.

As we grow in mindfulness, we can enhance our self-awareness, build our concentration and capacity to focus, develop emotional regulation and experience equanimity. The following reflective poem, that I wrote as I developed this post, communicates something of the magic of mindful walking:

Mindful Walking

Slowly walking seeing what surrounds us,
Sounds surfacing from hidden spaces near and far,
Sensations seeping into our consciousness.

Anchored in our body,
Mindful of our sensations,
Calm and peace pervade.

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By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

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In our May online Meetup of writers-with-chronic-illness, Jennifer Crystal introduced a poem by Lucile Clifton titled, “Won’t You Celebrate With Me?”. The poem was made more poignant by a video presentation of Lucile reading her poem to an audience. In the poem, Lucile talks about her life as a woman who was non-white and who had to shape her life without models, simply by being true to herself. She asks us to celebrate with her that “every day something has tried to kill me and failed!” Lucile is noted for her comment, “One should wish to celebrate more than wish to be celebrated.”

Lucile’s message is to celebrate the simple things in life – that we are alive, have an identity shaped by our background and life experiences, and have the opportunity to be true to ourselves whatever our life’s work may be.

Writing processParticipants in the Creative Meetup group were encouraged to write their own reflections beginning with the words, “won’t you celebrate with me?” In the sharing of reflections, people identified simple things in life to celebrate – that they woke up, were able to walk, could appreciate nature, showed courage despite their pain and fears, maintained hope despite the daily setbacks, and managed the unexpected.

People expressed appreciation of light and dark, the rhythms of life, and the opportunity to slow down and be calm. Other simple things in life that were celebrated in the group included receiving a thank you, listening to birds and raindrops, being able to breathe and seeing the sunrise and sunset.

Participants’ reflections were often expressed as poems. Jennifer pointed out that poetry enables “a larger story in a concentrated space”. This was particularly true for one participant who expressed anger at having to endure delays in medical diagnosis and treatment. There are times when people with chronic illness feel that the medical system “works against them”.

Celebrating the small things as we ageCarol Lefevre in Bloomer, her memoir about aging, wrote about the challenge of dealing with ageing and the discrimination of ageism, particularly against women. She concluded that ageing is a “necessary adventure” and her way to achieve wellness during this late phase of her life (turning seventy), was to become “settled in to a pattern of thinking, reading and writing” – a simple pattern of being-in-the world that is congruent with her age (she writes “what only an old woman can write”).

Carol contends that we can flourish in late-life if we embrace life “as it is” when we age. We can flourish through our creative pursuits, particularly through writing and gardening. She stated that her strategy to deal with the challenges of aging is “to retreat in to the garden”. Carol noted that the fluidity and rhythms of nature serve as a calming influence in the face of “the relentless press of daily life”. Hope is embedded in gardening because it is “a forward-looking pastime” that promises a return in the future on the investment of time and energy.

The simple act of being with natureResearch has repeatedly confirmed the healing effects of nature. Nature’s solitude and silence can create a pathway to self-awareness and resilience. Nature reminds us of our interconnectedness and our co-dependence. Being with nature involves more than being in it; being-with-nature entails opening our senses to the wonder and awe of nature. We can listen to the rustling leaves and the birds (near and far); observe the colours of the trees and flowers; smell the earth and rotting vegetation; touch the vast array of textures surrounding us; and taste the fruits of the forest.

The Japanese have mastered the art of “forest bathing”, walking slowly and mindfully through a forest. A forest can highlight our senses, boost our mood and evoke stillness and resilience. Trees can be a source of meditation, reflecting the enigmas of daily life and reinforcing the transitory nature of human beauty. They can ground us in the simple things of life such as the air that we breathe and the ever-changing foliage that encompasses us.

Carol found solace in gardening because there is “a timelessness to the routine tasks of weeding, digging, planting”, and the fruits of today’s labour remind us of our forebears engaging in these same flourishing activities (including monks of old who planted and harvested herbs and other edible plants). She contends that this connectedness to the past is both grounding and calming and “gently draws attention back to the present moment”.

I find that playing tennis likewise grounds me in the present moment and helps me to develop mindfulness. In my poem For The Love of Tennis I acknowledge this groundedness and savour the simple things of being able to “run, bend, stretch and strain” and to experience again “the slice, the serve, the stroke, the sound”.

ReflectionJennifer noted that in the Creative Meetups participants shared their vulnerability and strong emotions and were supported by people “holding space for each other” and listening compassionately. Louise DeSalvo reinforces the healing power of storytelling in Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives. She offers practical advice and tips for “restorative writing” – “writing as a way to heal the emotional and physical wounds that are an inevitable part of life”.

I found when people were sharing their writing that I became “teary”, not only because of the evocative writing that was shared but also the pain and suffering. I found that I was feeling for, and with, the person who was sharing – an empathic response.

Following the sharing, Jennifer asked us to write a process journal entry where we wrote about “what it felt like to write [tonight] and listen”. Participants indicated that they were sharing things in the group that they would not share outside the group – a sign of growing trust and mutual respect with the Meetup group.

In writing the process reflection, I found that my strong empathetic feelings tended to mask my own uncomfortable feelings of anger and frustration at the members of the medical profession. I’ve continually encountered the failure of a medical practitioner to listen to what I was sharing before jumping to a solution based on their personal orientation and training. The result has been inadequate treatment and ongoing problems with MCAS and related allergies. I had to find out for myself, for example, that wheat allergy can lead to “exercise-induced anaphylaxis” if I “exercise within a few hours after eating wheat”.

Writing a process journal entry is a form of “writing slow” which is highly recommended by Louise DeSalvo as a means to deepen our creativity and reflection.

By focusing on the small things in life, along with reflection and writing, we can grow in mindfulness and, in consequence, build self-awareness and creativity to manage our lives more peacefully and productively.

In the following reflective poem, written during the May Meetup, I share something of my thoughts about the power of writing poetry:

Poetry for Peace

Searching for a food I can eat
Like a fox foraging in the forest.
Tantalising sweet taste sensation
Transforming into testing torture.

Poetry creating peace through pain,
A place for planning and pleasure.
Opening up options for optimism,
Resolving to reframe for resilience.

Control is within, not without,
Choice to contract, not expand.
Accepting the constraints on food,
Exploring freedom to flourish.
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By Ron Passfield- Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution-Non-Commercial -No Derivatives.

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During the recent Healing Through Writing Festival, Grace Quantock presented on the topic, Living Well with Chronic Illness. Grace maintained that people with chronic illness often have to deal with missed symptoms, explaining away illness, and social exclusion. She stated that it is often harder to gain belief from others than to deal with the symptoms themselves.

Grace identified an experience that I have had with diagnosis of chronic illness. She indicated that people with chronic illness can produce “exhaustive documentation” only to be ignored by medical professionals. In my case, I spent three hours documenting the major events and symptoms in my medical history over 10 years only to have an Allergist refuse to read the document or add it to my medical file.

The barriers to writing for healingIn a previous post, I explored the idea of memoir-writing for healing as proposed by Janelle Hardy. Grace argued that there are often barriers to our attempts to write as people with chronic illness. She suggested that isolation, both emotional and practical (in terms of access to information), creates a personal barrier.

The writing community itself can also establish barriers by promoting “a productivity culture” that is translated into words-per-hour or words-per-day (e.g. setting a goal of writing 2,000 words per day). The assumption, as Grace points out, is that writing is a linear process. However, people with chronic illness have a different relationship to writing time in that they can be intermittently or chronically disabled in terms of capacity to write. They may have impediments like brain fog, arthritic limbs, chronic fatigue and/or nausea.

Grace maintained that there is an assumption in the writing community, and especially amongst publishers, that writing has to “be a certain way”. There is a tendency to favour universal experience over individual stories – personal experience and coping strategies are often discounted. Writers with chronic illness can be blocked by literary gatekeepers who argue that their stories are “too niche” or “not literary enough”.

Grace suggested that we can too easily succumb to the expectations and standards of others by thinking that we “do not have the credentials” to write or “lack the recognition or prestige” required to publish. This mental barrier makes it harder for us to envisage our “own writer’s journey” (which will be unlike that of anyone else). Often relevant credentials are difficult to acquire because of lack of access to training and/or the availability of empathetic mentors.

She argued that the real or core questions relate to “what we hope for in the writing” and what will have the most positive impact for us.

Strategies for overcoming the literary barriers to writing with chronic illnessAccording to Grace, a starting point is to change our expectations of ourself in terms of written output but also in terms of healing outcomes. She warned that writing with the mindset “that writing has to fix us” (it must be “reparative”) can actually harm us. An “extractive mentality” can do us violence. She suggests that instead of trying to “write to heal”, that we view writing as “a way that is healing”. The process itself is healing; the healing outcomes are beyond our control. We have to move from an outcomes-focus to a process focus and write the best way we can, given our physical, mental and emotional states.

Contribution to a literary lineageGrace suggested that we reframe the writing process by acknowledging that we are contributing to a “literary lineage” – writers with chronic illness – and, in the process, creating our own legacy. There are writers with chronic illness who have considerable literary achievements such as Alice Wong (with Lupus); Flannery O’ Connor (with Spinal Muscular Atrophy); and Virginia Woolf (serious mental health conditions). Over recent months, I have been inspired by Jennifer Crystal, author of One Tick Stopped the Clock: A Memoir, who contracted Lyme Disease from a tick bite. Jennifer is a weekly columnist for the Global Lyme Alliance, creator of the Writing to Heal Immersive Program, and story coach/facilitator for the Health Story Collaborative.

Grace argued that by writing with chronic illness we are creating documentation that can lead to personal and system change. By navigating the process of writing about difficult or challenging health situations, we are creating “words that will outlive us” and offering possible solutions or strategies for someone else experiencing chronic illness. She stated categorically that “the poem we write today might be a lifeline somebody else finds after our lifetime”.

Grace contends that our writing – whether as a novel, memoir, blog, poem or journal – can be a “springboard for the next person” as we can be offering alternatives and providing evidence of their efficacy. We can reframe our solitary writing as “part of a larger network” and a contribution to our “collective experience, collective tapestry and collective legacy”.

Cultivating our literary communityA strong theme throughout Grace’s presentation is her emphasis on networking within our writing community. She proposes three core strategies to take advantage of the mutual support and resources that can be available through such a network:

1. Name three people who are part of your literary community. In thinking about this, I was able to name Annie Brewster, Jennifer Crystal, and Jennifer Harris. Annie is the creator of The Health Story Collaborative (HSC), designed to “harness the healing power of stories”. She is the author of The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss.
2. Identify an element of their work that resonates with you. I have networked with each of the authors mentioned above when they have been facilitators for the monthly, online Creative Meetups, hosted by HSC. The Meetups are a network activity for writers with a chronic illness. Each of the facilitators have a profound knowledge of narrative therapy and a very strong commitment to helping people to heal through shared personal narratives.
3. Exchange literary support with other members of your literary community, e.g. re-tweet, write supportive blog posts and create book reviews for members of your literary community. I have had correspondence with each of the previously mentioned Creative Meetup facilitators, and they have read my blog posts and poems and offered support and encouragement. I have also mentioned their work and promoted their writing in my blog posts, e.g. articles about Annie Brewster and Jennifer Crystal. The Creative Meetups themselves involve a community of writers who willingly share their stories and their writing. The participants offer supportive challenge and the constant encouragement to move towards healing.

Reflection

Grace has made me more aware that I am not writing alone as a writer with chronic illness and that I am not just writing for myself and my own health. As I become more aware of my participation in a literary community, I can become more conscious of how I can support, and be supported by, others in my literary community,

This newfound appreciation enhances my gratitude for my ongoing access to an understanding literary community where I don’t have to explain myself, defend my position or pretend to be someone other than who I am.

As we collaboratively grow in mindfulness through our reflections and writing, we can increase our connectedness, build our mutual support and deepen our insights.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Janelle Hardy, writer and somatic healer, recently produced and hosted the Healing Through Writing Festival with multiple facilitators who themselves are writers and healers. Janelle is the creator of the course, The Art of Personal Mythmaking: Write Your Memoir While Healing Yourself, which is designed as a self-directed approach to healing while writing the first draft of a memoir.

The 13-module course includes writing prompts, somatic visualisations and other techniques, and a process for outlining your storytelling. In developing the course, Janelle drew on her training and consulting experience in bodywork and somatic approaches to trauma healing. Her techniques and tools enable course participants to gain “clarity, focus and structure” as they write to heal.

Janelle also offers a 9-module, self-directed course, Write Your Life Stories, Heal Your Past, which is also designed to help us heal from our difficult experiences while working on a memoir. This self-paced memoir-writing course incorporates somatic healing techniques as well as guidance for choosing forms of storytelling, assistance in outlining a memoir, ways to overcome writer’s block and tips about the writing and editing process. The course is designed to help us deal with our difficult life experiences through writing without becoming overwhelmed.

Writing prompts and the road to healingThroughout her Festival presentation, Janelle offered several writing prompts designed to elicit recall and identify elements of our life story. The prompts covered both challenging and rewarding experiences, bodily sensations and personal insight. I found the prompts particularly fruitful for “loosening the cobwebs”.

By way of illustration, Janelle shared her own story of chronic fatigue and her acute shyness. She would often experience a “frozen state” and become “stuck”, with her creativity blocked. After a relationship breakup, she had to deal with her role of a single parent and, at the same time, cope with her negative self-stories. She sought healing through multiple modalities including somatic experiencing, dance, writing and research and experience of different cultures.

Janelle highlighted the fact that we store and release stories in our bodies. This is in line with the research and writing of Bessel Van Der Kolk who published the book, The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma. Janelle introduced a basic somatic exercise during her presentation that involved listening to sounds, touching, stretching and feeling bodily sensations. She incorporates somatic practices in her courses because she firmly believes that we can reclaim ourselves through our “bodies, stories and desires”. Janelle described dance as an “embodied language” and found that it helped to reduce her stiffness, tightness, stress and related feelings.

Janelle explained too that we understand the world through cultures. To really appreciate this idea, she became an exchange student and undertook home stays in Japan, Russia and Canada. Given the pervasive nature of cultural influences, a useful writing prompt could be, “What influence has your cultural upbringing had on your own life story and how you perceive yourself?”

I recently gained an insight into the influence of cultural experiences on our self-stories and how we perceive ourselves by reading the novel Runaways, a memoir by Shelley Davidow and Shaimaa Khalil. The joint memoir tells the story of their 20-year friendship across cultures after meeting at the University of Qatar where Shaimaa was one of Shelley’s students.

Not only were they “strangers in a strange land”, but also they brought to their relationship and self-stories the influence of their different cultural upbringings – Shelley was an Ashkenazi Jew from South Africa (with its entrenched racial tensions) and Shaimaa was an Arab Muslim from Egypt (with its class tensions). Their memoir shows the intertwining of different cultures on the stories they shared and how their story was influenced by their life in Qatar.

Shelley and Shaimaa explain what shaped them, broke them and the ways they returned to “wholeness”. At different times in their shared storytelling they communicated their individual experiences and reactions in the form of a reflective poem.

Janelle offers a series of writing prompts which are available from her website by subscribing to her newsletter: 10 Memoir-Writing Prompts for Healing and Transformation. Her blog, which contains interviews with creative writers, essays on writing and reviews of websites, is a potentially fertile ground for other prompts.

Creating a theme for a memoirThe process of writing to story prompts enables us to discern various themes, common threads, in our life story. We can then choose a theme to shape our memoir – exploring which stories in our life serve the theme. Janelle explained that the selected theme then becomes a “tool for discernment” – assisting us to decide what stories to include and what to exclude. We can potentially use the discarded stories as the basis for another memoir.

This process of choosing a theme reminds me of my process in writing my doctoral thesis – the data collected could have been the basis for several different theses but I had to decide what was my central “claim to knowledge” and what data I could include to warrant that claim. This involved then deciding what elements supported the core thesis and should be included and what should be left out. I created a folder to store the other ideas and concepts for perusing at a later date. When I submitted my thesis, I revisited my folder and produced a number of articles including one on the art of thesis writing as a movement through the Seven Chakras, from the Base Chakra to the Crown Chakra – a reflection on my thesis writing journey. The thesis also incorporated my reflections on my role as a change manager within the Taxation Office – a potential theme for a memoir.

Janelle noted that memoir writers often write more than one memoir as they have several themes running through their lives. The Australian author Shelley Davidow, for example, wrote 4 memoirs – Runaways (2022), Shadow Sisters (2018), Fail Brilliantly (2017) and Whisperings in the Blood (2016).

Janelle explained that a memoir becomes a meaning-making force that enhances agency and autonomy. She shared her story of heartbreak and challenge that left her feeling abandoned and hurt. Through writing, social support and somatic healing she was able to reframe her story from that of victim to someone with skills, choice-points and the opportunity for further personal development through self-employment. She rewrote her story by “piecing together somatic healing and memoir-writing as an act of service” that enables people to avoid the disempowerment of a victim mentality and experience agency through creating a new self-story in the form of a memoir.

In her podcast, Janelle talks to storytellers and memoir writers along with healers. The transformative conversations cover not only memoir-writing but also healing, narrative therapy and embodiment. Through the podcast, storytellers share how they have moved from victimhood to personal freedom and agency.

ReflectionJanelle has used her blog as a source of “personal mythmaking” by reflecting on her own life experiences as she shared insights on topics related to writing and healing. Her essay and audio on “How to Shift Resistance” is a good example.

I have found that in writing this current blog, I have been able to share my personal reflections on the topics I was writing about. In the process I have been sharing my life story. In reviewing the 775 posts I have published to date, I have been able to identify several core themes that would serve as the focus of separate memoirs. I have now chosen one focal theme and begun writing my first memoir using the Kindle Create program as my writing and formatting process.

As we grow in mindfulness through somatic practices, reflection, blogging and memoir-writing, we can increase our self-awareness and sense of agency and reframe our life stories.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Susan Sontag, in her book Illness as Metaphor, reminds us that we have dual citizenship – “in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick”. At some point in our life we move from one to the other “even for a spell”. For chronic illness suffers this can be a very long spell which is part of the inherent challenge of chronic illness.

When Susan wrote about illness she was suffering from breast cancer at the time and took issue with the metaphors and myths that surrounded this form of illness. Myths include the idea that illness is “a punishment for moral degradation”. In her view, such myths only added to the burden of illness and failed to create space for healing. Susan also took exception to military metaphors such as “battle”,” war” and “survival” used to describe illness from cancer. She suggested that these metaphors negatively affect patient’s physical and mental wellbeing as they induce fear, guilt, and a sense of isolation – factors along with the illness itself contributing to overwhelm.

Susan was concerned that inaccurate myths and inappropriate metaphors induced a sense of helplessness, detracted from the biological nature of Illness and ignored the scientific evidence that many illnesses are curable through breakthroughs in modern medicine.

Finding agency in the space betweenIn a previous post, I discussed ways to develop agency in the space between illness and wellness (however temporary). This included strategies for exercising agency as a writer, employing education and research and exploring options in our recreational and/or artistic endeavours. I gave the illustration of Lucy and her exercise of creative agency through piano playing despite being totally blind and experiencing multiple mental health issues including autism.

Fighting misinformation to overcome overwhelmMal Uchida, writing for Havard Medicine, recounts her experience of having the COVID-19 vaccination while pregnant. She was publicly attacked in social media and received multiple forms of hate mail for her stand for the health of her unborn child. While expressing empathy for people who held the contrary view about the efficacy of the vaccination, she continued to advocate for its potential health benefits. Being both a mother and a child psychologist, she was able to empathise with parents who were making the really difficult decisions associated with raising children.

Mal attempted to counter misinformation and associated overwhelm and fear by sharing her own struggles, discussing relevant scientific information and enlisting the aid of the media and Japanese Government to communicate her message. She acknowledged the dilemma for parents, expressed empathy and compassion and sought to provide accurate, up-to-date information.

Strategies for managing overwhelm during life transitionsThere are many transitions that we experience in life – including from childhood to adulthood, from wellness to illness, from a current job to a new job, from marriage to divorce, from loss to gain, from working to retirement. Mindfulness can help us to effectively overcome the overwhelm involved in the transitions in our life. For example, Dr. Shalini Bahl, author of Return to Mindfulness, offers an 8-week online course titled, From Overwhelm to Clarity: Mindfulness Skills for Breaking Free and Living Fully. This course involves a supportive community and offers mindfulness micro-practices designed to develop awareness, compassion, inner calm, joy, energy and equanimity.

Storytelling can help us to unearth our manufactured “life story” – that often involves “negative self-stories” that undermine us and create overwhelm. An integral part of storytelling is a supportive community that enables us to be truly honest with ourselves by providing “supportive challenge” – questioning our assumptions about ourselves and others while offering support to be the best person that we can be.

Reframing can help us cope better with life’s transitions such as aging or menopause. It involves changing our “negative narrative” and exploring the opportunities provided by “a different stage of life”. Marianne Cronin in her novel, The One hundred Years of Lenni and Margot, provides an example of reframing by Margot who is 83 years old and suffering from a terminal illness. Margot comments, when sharing stories, that at her stage of life she is “a childless mother, husbandless wife, a parentless daughter”. Instead of dwelling on the inherent losses involved in her stage of life she notes that “it was sad, but also freeing” because she was “no longer anybody’s” and was free to go anywhere and do anything she wanted. Margot ended up establishing a deeply personal relationship with17 year old Lenni through storytelling and the shared experience of a terminal illness.

Wintering – the process of letting light into the darkness in our life – can help us to identify the opportunities in the spaces between, e.g. between wellness and illness. We can let the light into our lives and the darkness of overwhelm through gratitude, intentional breathing, exploring nature and focusing on self-care through “rest and retreat”. Writing a reflective poem (as I did in my wintering blog post), can help us to reduce overwhelm and identify a way forward. It can even help us to see the “gift of illness”.

I have found that education and research have helped me to deal with the potential overwhelm of a chronic illness. I’ve been able to access resources about my MCAS condition through participation in global summits, reading expert articles and enrolling in a relevant, mindfulness-based course for tempering reactivity of the vagus nerve involved in MCAS. There are many free resources available online for specific illnesses, such as the Guide for Driving with Epilepsy that covers manifestations of epilepsy and essential considerations and safety tips when driving.

A meditation to overcome overwhelmMitra Manesh, meditation trainer with UCLA, offers one of their weekly meditations on the topic, Working with Overwhelm. In this guided meditation, Mitra discusses the causes of overwhelm in today’s fast-moving, complex global environment. Factors contributing to overwhelm include climate change, international wars and conflicts, economic uncertainty, rapid technological innovation and the changing global political environment.

She suggests that we can view overwhelm by envisaging a cup that represents a certain level of personal capacity to which we add information and visual overload, social media obsession, family and economic challenges, health issues and workplace friction and changes. The resultant overflow represents our overwhelm.

In her guided meditation Mitra encourages us to use visualisation and cultivation of options for moving forward. She suggests that we envisage walking through a gate to a large open space with grassy slopes, a water feature, trees and a fresh breeze. Taking deep breaths to imbibe the fresh clean air, we can begin to relax and feel supported within this visualised environment. The options for moving forward then include:

• accepting something within our current reality (that we are resisting or denying)
• letting go of a constraining mindset
• thinking about who or what might assist us to move forward
• focusing on something we can do now that is doable and important (“don’t look at the pile” that is the source of overwhelm – focus on one thing!).

We can return at any time to the envisaged, spacious landscape which provides “lots to choose from” and offers openness, support and potential wellness.

ReflectionWhen I participated in Mitra’s meditation on how to work with overwhelm it helped me to reduce overwhelm I was experiencing in a small area of my life, writing this particular blog post. We had just come out of the other side of a week-long cyclone and I was finding it difficult to focus on my writing. After doing the meditation I found that I could move forward by accepting the disruptive nature of recent events, changing my expectations and letting go of a framework for the article that was constraining rather than freeing me.

Simultaneously, I received an email from Shalini about her course, From Overwhelm to Clarity, and this gave me added incentive to adopt a new framework for the blog post around the concept of “overwhelm”. While writing this blog post represents a small area of my life, writer’s block had the effect of negatively impacting other areas of my life such as my ability to concentrate and focus on what I was doing.

Growing mindfulness through meditation, Tai Chi and micro-practices such as intentional breathing can help us to relax and rest, see a way forward, and adopt creative solutions to the disabling effects of overwhelm.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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There is a story in chronic illness – it’s evolution, it’s manifestation, our proactive attempts to manage it and its resolution (whatever form that takes). Managing chronic illness invariably involves the three “As” – acceptance, accommodation and agency.

Agency refers to our capacity to have some control over our internal and/or external environment. Typically, chronic illness reduces our agency in various areas of our life because it creates some form of disability which can be far reaching or limited in its manifestation in our day-to-day lives. The challenge for people with chronic illness is to limit the loss of agency where possible and increase its presence in other areas of our life.

How to develop agency as a writer with a chronic illnessIn a previous post, I discussed ways to develop agency when we are trying to write while having a chronic illness. In that post, I discussed specific strategies relating to writing such as setting your own pace, finding a comfortable location for writing, writing a reflective poem and starting small.

I have developed agency in my own writing despite having MCAS, a chronic disease affecting the immune system. One form of accommodation I have adopted is to reduce my expectations about the frequency with which I produce a blog post. I have also written a series of reflective poems to help me manage the symptoms and feelings associated with MCAS. I have also started a new writing enterprise in the form of a co-authored book on management (now in its first draft stage). I have had to exercise self-compassion with this project because of the setbacks I have experienced during my writing efforts – setbacks such as the bankruptcy of our contracted publisher, the loss of data, the serious illness of my coauthor, and a week-long cyclone and associated anxiety and disruptions.

Developing agency through research and educationIn an earlier post when I discussed a holistic approach to MCAS and histamine intolerance, I mentioned the work of Beth O’Hara, FN, a sufferer from multiple chronic illnesses. Beth used her illness to motivate herself to research her own health solutions and to create the Mast Cell 360 facility which offers paid, holistic health interventions as well as free resources. Her research and her own clinical practice highlighted the role of the nervous system in the development and expansion of MCAS.

Beth’s proactive approach to understanding the role of the nervous system in MCAS was to provide a specialised, online course to help MCAS sufferers gain control of their nervous system which is variously dysregulated with MCAS. Her self-help program, Master Class to Reboot the Mast Cell Nervous System, gives sufferers some degree of agency over their own health improvement.

Through this Reboot Course I came to better understand the components of the nervous system and how the nervous system interacts with other systems of the body (e.g. the digestive system). The Roadmap incorporated in the course gave me insight into the vagal nervous system, factors impacting it and manifestations of damage to the vagal nerves. More importantly, the Roadmap provides strategies to address vagal nerve excitation based on the level involved. In other words, through this Reboot Course I have a way of exercising agency over my own nervous system and its level of excitation. This provides a proactive way of managing the nervous system element of MCAS which according to Beth represents 50% of the recovery protocol.

Typically, a chronic illness will have a pattern – good days, bad days; good periods, bad periods (of variable duration). Once we understand the pattern of our chronic illness (how it manifests itself from day to day), we can exercise agency by utilising the “good” times to undertake what we consider to be important and productive. This can involve writing prose or poetry, engaging in social work or undertaking part-time employment as Jennifer Crystal did with her part-time teaching while she experienced the difficult aspects of Lyme Disease.

Exercising agency in our recreational activityAgency can also extend to our recreational activity – we can shape our activities to fit our physical, emotional and/or mental ups and downs. I play social tennis despite having MCAS which often means that my ankles and legs are swollen and I have arthritis in one of the fingers I use to hold a tennis racquet.

I have found that swelling in my ankles reduces my mobility. I find that the lack of mobility is very frustrating as this used to be a strength of my tennis game (I was a champion sprinter during secondary school). Now with the swelling I feel anchored on the spot, not able to accelerate forward.

As the inflammation is caused by sensitivity to some foods and drinks, it is within my control to limit these to reduce the swelling and improve my mobility. This, however, is easier said than done as it severely restricts what I can eat and drink.

Another related area of agency with regard to the quality and enjoyment of my tennis game is undertaking exercise on a daily basis – including walking, a daily exercise routine (designed by my exercise physiologist) and my Tai Chi routine.

I re-learnt recently that most of the power of a tennis shot comes from your legs, not your arms or hands. I was getting very frustrated with the arthritic pain in my fingers which caused me to lose power in my arms and hands. However, I have found that by bending my knees with each shot (as I used to do), I can restrict the pain in my fingers and hands and increase the accuracy and power of my tennis shot.

An added benefit of this form of agency is that by bending my knees I unconsciously activate my body memory so that I can access a wider range of tennis shots than I would normally play without the knee-bending. You only have to watch Grand Slam tennis to see how much players, both male and female, rely on bending their knees to gain power and to play a wide range of tennis shots (some even kneel at times to absorb the power of an opponent’s shot). So the simple act of knee-bending gives me a form of agency that increases both the quality and enjoyment of my social tennis.

ReflectionThe challenge with chronic illness is to identify areas for increased agency and to experiment with particular strategies to activate whatever agency we can find in whatever window of opportunity reveals itself. Mindfulness practices such as meditation, conscious breathing, reflection and Tai Chi can help us to be open to opportunities for agency and to act on them. As we grow in mindfulness, we can gain insight, heighten creativity and develop the courage to act on our increased self-awareness.

The story of Lucy, a 13 year old blind girl who is also neurodiverse, is an outstanding example of what is possible when we focus on our strengths rather than our deficits. Lucy is a prodigal pianist who has wowed audiences in places such as Leeds Train Station with her rendition of the extremely complex Chopin piece “Nocturne in B-flat Minor Op.9 No.1”. She competed in a public piano competition with three other gifted pianists who were selected by Lang Lang, world famous pianist who was “speechless” with her performance and chose Lucy as the best of the four pianists.

Lucy achieved agency in the form of her creativity and musicality, playing complex classical pieces for audiences, by utilising her strengths despite her obvious disabilities. She has highly developed hearing and an incredible sense of touch – she learned to play the piano by placing her fingers under the fingers of her piano teacher as he depressed each key. Her sensitivity in playing the classical pieces astounded Lang Lang. She played at the Coronation Concert at Windsor Castle on 7 May 2023. Lucy has since produced a classical piano CD, simply called Lucy – The Album. Lucy’s story and her training through the Amber Trust and her teacher, Daniel, is available on video.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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At the recent Write Your Own Way Summit, Sandra Postma spoke eloquently about how to write with a chronic illness. Sandra is a book coach for writers with chronic illness. She is especially well-qualified for this role having studied journalism and literature at university and undertaken a Book Coach Certification with Author Accelerator. Sandra is able to draw on her own lived experience as a writer with several debilitating illnesses over many years.

She stated that the book coaching role helped to save her life and motivated her to create her own coaching business, Your Story Mentor. Sandra acknowledged the technical aspects of her prior training as a writer but stated that the book coaching course helped her to learn “how to coach a writer both on a craft and on an emotional level.”

Challenges for writers with chronic illnessIn her Summit presentation and an interview with Savannah Gilbo for the Fiction Writing Made Easy Podcast, Sandra outlined the many challenges facing writers with chronic illness that exist over and above those experienced by other writers:

1. Symptoms – writers with chronic illness have to deal with fluctuating energy, brain fog, and times when they are mentally or emotionally not feeling well. Other symptoms may include constant pain, itching and/or swelling of joints (e.g. ankles, fingers, hands, arms) and debilitating symptoms such as migraines or breathing difficulties. Sometimes, it may be impossible for the writer to sit or even to get out of bed.
2. Low self-esteem – Sandra points out that there is a social stigma associated with having a chronic illness. There may be emotional baggage arising from a lack of social status (lacking a job or having to constantly isolate to manage disabling symptoms). Like many other writers, those with chronic illness feel that their voice is not worth hearing but for the chronic sufferers this self- story is amplified by the sense of not being an active contributor to family or society, but rather being a burden.
3. Momentum – a key element in writing is momentum, the ongoing impetus to pursue writing whether in the form of a blog, a short story, a novel, non-fiction work or a memoir. Momentum provides energy and motivation but for the writer with chronic illness this is continually punctuated by disability, so there is a loss of momentum as a result of the fluctuation of symptoms.

Feelings experienced by writers with chronic illnessWhat is not often appreciated is that such writers can experience genuine grief – from loss of identity, family, friends, social activity and work (with its attendant loss of both a meaningful role and income). This, in turn, impacts the sense of self-worth of writers with chronic illness.

There can be anger and ongoing frustration from not being able to do what you used to do with relative ease. Sandra points out that the anger can arise from the knowledge that you “have to surrender to this thing [chronic illness] that you didn’t choose and is with you for the rest of your life”. With this awareness, you can “lose trust in your own life”.

Sandra highlights the fact that you can lose a sense of agency, your underlying capacity to control your body, your thoughts, your responses to stimuli and your actions. This can lead to a sense of helplessness and hopelessness – the loss of a meaningful existence and the capacity to change your debilitating situation.

Strategies to use while writing with a chronic illnessIn her Summit presentation and interviews, Sandra proposed a number of practical ways to deal with the emotions, blockages and challenges of writing with a chronic illness:

• Break free – a starting point is to break free from expectations, your own as well as that of others. In an earlier post, I wrote about the tyranny of expectations – how they hold us back and lock us into ways of doing things.
• Set your own pace – it is important to overcome rule-bound advice such as writing every day for a set time in a set place. You have to determine your own writing pattern based on your capacity at the time. It will be frustrating at times that you can’t write as much as you want, as often as you want or as fast as you want. You have to get to the stage where your are “at peace with your own pace”.
• Write where you are comfortable – you don’t have to sit at a desk to write, sometimes “sitting” itself may not be possible (as in Sandra’s experience). You can lie down and use a mobile phone to write or use a dictation device. You will have to overcome the self-talk about what “proper writers” do.
• Practice self-compassion – avoid “beating up” on yourself for failing to achieve what you set out to achieve or for not meeting others’ expectations. Self-compassion, kindness to yourself, can enable you to overcome the disabling effects of negative self-talk.
• Write what you know – Sandra points out that people with a chronic illness have a “superpower” as writers. Because of their experience of pain and loss, they know about “deep emotions and feelings and the hardship of life”. These are the challenges that everyone meets in daily life, being part of the human condition. This gives writers experiencing chronic illness a distinct advantage. Savannah, in her interview with Sandra, maintained that such writers have “a rare edge that empowers them to connect with readers on a much deeper level”. As Sandra herself pointed out, “books are conduits of uncomfortable emotions and explorations of how to deal with them”.
• Start small – if you start small, you can start “right now”. At the outset of her writing endeavours, Sandra found that she could not write a lengthy story such as a novel, so she started small by writing poems and short stories. She acknowledged in her podcast interview that it took “a long time to be right with that” and live with the belief that it is worth the effort. She found, however, by writing short stories across multiple genres, she improved her writing craft and gradually built the capacity to begin writing a novel. She recognised that this novel-writing would take at least three years. Sandra is adopting the “start small” principle with her novel writing by treating each chapter as a short story.
• Write a reflective poem – sometimes it is helpful to write a reflective poem to get your feelings out into the open and to help you identify “next steps”. This process can also unearth hidden emotions that are acting as a blockage to your writing.
• Join a support community – Sandra indicated that one of the things that helped her immensely was joining a support community. In an interview for CanvasRebel, she expressed her strong belief in “the power of the online community of other people with chronic illness sharing their stories and beliefs”. Her online community reinforced her strength in managing her illness and associated pain, made her feel as though she was “seen” and confirmed that her voice was unique and “deserves to be used and heard”. These personal outcomes have been my experience with the Creative Meetups, hosted by the Health Story Collaborative created by Annie Brewster, author of The Healing Power of Storytelling.

Sandra provides a free guide on How to Be a Writer When You Have a Chronic Illness on her website. She has also started an online support community for writers with chronic illness – The Mighty Spoonies Club. The name of the community is based on the “spoon theory metaphor” of chronic illness.

ReflectionI joined the online Creative Meetup group nearly two years ago and found that the supportive environment and writing exercises helped me “to access and release emotions” and to stimulate my creative expression in the form of poetry. An added benefit is that I am sub-consciously working on my memoir as I explore and share my life story.

Reflecting and connecting with others who are experiencing their own chronic illness has been very supportive. Their shared stories and insightful writing provides me with encouragement and practical strategies to deal with the challenges inherent in my chronic illness.

At our February 2025 Meetup, Jennifer Crystal, our facilitator, introduced a poem by Mary Oliver as a stimulus for our reflection and writing. The poem, The Uses of Sorrow, speaks of receiving “a box full of darkness” but being able to understand over time that “this, too, was a gift”. In our writing segment, we explored the “gift of illness”.

Illness provides a personal growth experience. I’ve had to revisit my assumptions, self-image and goals. Illness helped me to appreciate the small things in life that I often take for granted – that I can see, walk, run, play tennis, reflect, research and write.

It helped me to realise that my identity is not tied to an image of myself as a very fit, competent tennis player. Illness helped me to understand and accept the nature of the human condition – it’s vulnerabilities and frailties and undulating character.

I have been able to share with other people who are experiencing a healing journey. I’ve met some wonderful people who are wise, resourceful and resilient as a result of their experience of managing pain and losses.

Illness has helped me to become more compassionate towards others – to appreciate the pain, sorrow and distress that others are experiencing. It has helped me to keep things in perspective and to savour the present moment. It has forced me to be proactive, resourceful and engaged.

There are times when chronic illness has felt more like an unwanted gift – not desired or returnable. Despite these setbacks, there have been hidden possibilities that have helped me to flourish and enrich my life and my writing. As I grow in mindfulness through reflection, writing and storytelling, I am able to progressively develop agency, resilience and creativity.

I wrote the following poem after reflecting on the positive aspects of my illness and what it has contributed to my quality of life:

The Gift of Illness

Illness is a hidden gift,
with a rich lode of rewards,
that need to be mined,
in the fire of pain and loss.

Challenging assumptions,
reshaping identity,
acknowledging the human condition,
growing in awareness of self.

Opening to others,
appreciating life,
learning compassion,
disclosing feelings.

Discovering poetic expression,
rekindling creativity,
energising writing,
grounding in the present moment.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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One of the many things that people with chronic illness have to deal with is frustration with medical practitioners. This can involve misdiagnosis and/or inappropriate treatment that sometimes aggravates the symptoms of the chronic illness. Recently I experienced a number of frustrating dealings with medical practitioners – my GP said that allergies and Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) were outside his area of expertise, my gastroenterologist said that MCAS was a “controversial area” (and did not take it into account in a colonoscopy examination) and my Allergy specialist adopted a simplistic, medical model of MCAS and prescribed two very strong drugs with known damaging side effects (without any warnings about their potency or dangers).

Diane Kane describes her incredibly challenging journey to health and her totally frustrating experience with multiple medical practitioners globally who failed to accurately diagnose her chronic illness. Being a professional medical researcher herself, she is now writing a book and providing a library of resources to help other people who are seeking support in their battle with MCAS and/or histamine intolerance.

Jennifer Crystal explains in her book that it took 8 years for her debilitating Lyme Disease to be diagnosed accurately and treated appropriately. Part of the issue blocking accurate diagnosis was the belief system held by Australian doctors concerning the impact of a tick bite that she received while visiting America (ticks in Australia have a significantly different health impact than those in America).

Annie Brewster MD, assistant professor at Havard Medical School, describes her frustration with medical practitioners when she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and, in particular, their inability to listen to her story because of time pressures and debilitating medical workload. She wrote her book, The Healing Power of Storytelling, to offer patients with chronic illness “a way through anxiety, confusion and trauma” – a way based on the research-based tenets of narrative therapy.

Annie has applied the principles of narrative therapy in the creation of her website, Health Story Collaborative, which provides a dedicated space for “storytelling for health”. One of her programs is the monthly, online Creative Meetups, a facilitated group that enables participants “to reflect and connect with others in a supportive environment”. Writing activities around stimulus material provide the mechanism for individual participants to identify and share their feelings and, in the process, “to reframe their story and reclaim their life”.

The increasing medical complexity of chronic illnessOne of the factors working against the understanding and empathy of dedicated members of the medical profession is the increasing complexity of chronic illness. Dr. Lawrence B. Afrin in his book, Never Bet Against Occam, writes about MCAS and the “modern epidemics of chronic illness and medical complexity”. Lawrence was both a Research Fellow and a hematology/oncology specialist at the time. He was acutely aware of the many people who suffered not only from chronic illness but also not being able to understand, or gain insight into, their complex medical problems. Lawrence highlighted the fact that MCAS patients had a “large assortment” of symptoms and this symptom array varied “from one patient to the next”.

Lawrence researched MCAS extensively to be able to treat his own patients and also to educate other medical professionals about the complexity of the condition. He thought this increased understanding on the part of medical professionals would lead to “diagnosis and improvement sooner rather than later” for patients. Lawrence was at pains to stress that MCAS was amongst the increasing number of medical conditions that involved “chronic multisystem inflammatory illnesses of unclear cause”.

Beth O’Hara who specialised in emotional wellness, naturopathy and genetics explained in a video presentation that MCAS can result in systemic symptoms (such as sensitivity to foods, drugs, chemicals or the environment and related swelling and inflammation), musculoskeletal symptoms (such as degenerative disk issues or arthritis), skin symptoms (including itching, hives, easy bruising), cardiovascular symptoms (e.g. heart palpitations, dizziness or low blood pressure), and/or digestive symptoms (such as cramping, diarrhea, reflux, IBS).

Beth’s lifetime research of MCAS and successful healing processes was driven not only by the complexity of patients’ symptoms in her medical practice but also by her own debilitating experience of MCAS from 7 years of age. She was bedridden by the age of 20, suffered severe anxiety, joint pain and a hypersensitivity to smells and chemicals. The medications she received from medical practitioners frequently made her symptoms worse. She sought assistance from multiple health professionals but found none understood the complexity and multi-system nature of MCAS.

A holistic approach to MCAS and histamine intoleranceDriven by her own health needs and those of her patients, Beth gradually developed a holistic approach to MCAS and incorporated the healing protocol in her medical practice and related website, Mast Cell 360. Through this site, Beth offers a wide range of resources and access to practitioners especially trained in her MCAS healing protocol. For example, she offers a verified list of low histamine foods and related recipes. Her blog provides insights into the nature of MCAS, the Mast Cell 360 healing protocol, and a Mast Cell Activation Syndrome Symptoms Survey.

In her video presentation, Beth discussed her holistic approach to MCAS and identifies three core components: (1) addressing the root causes of your MCAS condition, (2) eating the right foods and taking the right supplements (her incorporated case studies illustrate that identifying the right supplements involves a trial and error approach, while identifying the right foods can involve an elimination diet and a desensitising process), and (3) “supporting the wiring of the body”).

Addressing Root Causes of MCASOne of the things that are often overlooked by medical practitioners are the possible causes of MCAS for an individual. Beth makes this consideration one of her three key aspects of healing. She argues that you have to address the influence of these individual factors if you are to achieve healing from MCAS. Beth provides a Guide, 7 Common Root Causes in Mass Cell Activation Syndrome, to help MCAS sufferers “discover their own unique triggers” so they can work with these.

Beth maintains that the majority of health care practitioners are “unaware of these underlying factors” differentially affecting individuals and, in consequence, they tend to resort to “one size fits all” solutions such as a low histamine diet and/or antihistamine medication. Her Root Causes Guide offers insight into MCAS triggering factors and also ways to address them. Beth maintains that “the majority of my clients with MCAS have at least 4 of these root causes”.

Consuming the Right Foods and SupplementsEating the right foods is foundational to healing from MCAS. In many cases, the initial action with MCAS is to avoid foods that result in a flare-up. Specific food allergies can be determined via an elimination diet or, more objectively, by undertaking a “skin prick test” and/or blood tests.

Beth strongly supports the use of supplements which form one of the cornerstones of her Mast Cell 360 healing protocol. She provides examples of the trial and error use of supplements in the two case studies she discusses in her video presentation. Beth urges patients to seek the guidance of a qualified health professional when considering supplements to address nutritional deficiencies because of the potential sensitivities that could be involved.

Beth provides additional online guidance in her Master Class, The Top 8 Mast Cell Supporting Supplements. In this course she covers aspects such as:

• the benefits of each supplement and how to determine what is right for you
• how to correctly introduce supplements and how to troubleshoot sensitivity problems
• what supplements to avoid.

Supporting the wiring of the bodyThe reference to supporting the body’s wiring relates to processes designed to activate the parasympathetic nervous system because of the negative impact of MCAS on the vagus nerves, reflected in the body’s over-active histamine release. With MCAS, the body will often treat healthy foods as invaders because of the hyper-activity of the immune system – an impact of damage to the vagus nerves. The parasympathetic nervous system induces relaxation and improved digestion and is often described as the “rest and digest” system.

In her video presentation Beth was quite adamant that MCAS cannot be treated effectively without some work being done to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. She stated that “discovering how the body is wired is 50% of the healing process”. Beth provides an online Master Class to Reboot the Mast Cell Nervous System, incorporating parasympathetic re-balancing, vagal nerve signalling and re-regulation of the limbic system. Tools offered as part of the package to achieve these goals include specialised yoga practices and breathing exercises.

ReflectionI have personally experienced the confusion and frustration that comes with chronic illness and interactions with medical practitioners. According to the level1/level2 typology advocated by my Allergist, I do not have MCAS. However, taking Beth’s holistic view of MCAS (and recognising that Mast Cells are everywhere in my body), I actually meet her criteria for MCAS. I have “systemic symptoms” (environmental and food sensitivity, swelling and sweating), skin symptoms (rash, hives, itchiness and easy bruising) and musculoskeletal symptoms (multilevel disc degeneration and arthritis in my fingers).

The core issue with inadequate diagnosis of chronic illness is that proposed treatments will also be inadequate and potentially damaging. With Beth’s holistic approach, I can identify a number of areas I need to work on that are not confined to medication

I have recognised, for example, that I need to work with the following root causes of MCAS which are relevant to my condition:

• food triggers (beyond histamine)
• infections and toxicity
• nutritional deficiencies
• early childhood trauma (adverse childhood experiences)

I have purchased Beth’s Master Class to Reboot the Mast Cell Nervous System to help me achieve a quietening of my nervous system and reduce my level of immune reactivity. As I grow in mindfulness through breathing exercises, Tai Chi and meditation, I can activate my parasympathetic nervous system, stay focused on the present moment (not triggered by depression about the past or anxiety about the future), be more creative and proactive in exploring my healing options, and develop increased resilience in the face of constant setbacks.

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This post is provided for information purposes only and is not intended to replace personal medical advice provided by a trained medical practitioner. Please seek advice from a qualified professional before deciding on treatments for yourself or other members of your family.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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I participate each month in a writer’s group for people experiencing chronic illness and/or disability. We meet online on Zoom and undertake reflective writing following a stimulus piece (e.g. a poem, a song or short story) introduced by our facilitator. We then share what we have written, being open about our challenges and the feelings we experience in dealing with them.

An added benefit of our Creative Meetups is the willingness of participants to share their strategies for dealing with their difficulties. While we each have quite unique health conditions, we are readily able to relate both to the feelings expressed by others and the strategies they share to overcome any negative self-talk. Through the online Meetups, we can see other participants from around the world and progressively build relationships with members of the group.

The facilitator for our Creative Meetup group is now Jennifer Crystal, author of One Tick Stopped the Clock. Jennifer is a story coach with The Health Story Collaborative that hosts our monthly Meetups. So we have the distinct advantage of having a facilitator who is experienced in narrative therapy and teaching people how to write for healing.

Reflective poems: a strategy for managing chronic illness and associated feelingsOne of the participants in our January Creative Meetup, mentioned that he writes a reflective poem as a means to “tell himself what to do” when he is overcome with difficult feelings such as anxiety or depression. As an amazing piece of synchronicity, I had done exactly the same thing the night before the Meetup.

I was beginning to get frustrated with the constant flare-ups of dermatitis, set off by my multiple food sensitivities, when I began to ask myself, “Why do I keep eating things that I know will cause a flare-up of dermatitis?” Through the reflective poem, I was able to stand back, look at the consequences of my actions and form the resolution to behave differently. My recent reflective poem has enabled me to find light in the darkness. The poem acts as a “bridge to action” in the face of inertia.

The Creative Meetups are a great stimulus to write and share our stories and the group provides ongoing support for behavioural change. The insights gained from the stories of other participants are invaluable. I have found, too, that I invariably write a poem after each Meetup – which is helping me to grow in self-awareness and to address unresolved issues in my life. For example, I have written the following poems stimulated by activities of our monthly Meetups:

• Paternal Forgiveness
• Until Our Last Breath
• Validation and Accommodation
• Autumnal Shedding
• Losing sight (with a comment by one of our Creative Meetup participants).

Healing through storytellingJennifer Crystal’s book, One Tick Stopped the Clock, epitomizes the healing power of storytelling encapsulated in the Creative Meetups. She shares her feelings of being frustrated with the medical profession (it took 8 years to obtain a correct diagnosis of her chronic illness), how she had to develop a new identity and find ways to achieve self-care amidst her debilitating experience. The strategies she employed to manage her challenges and difficult emotions included writing and pacing herself. Jennifer’s proactivity, like that of participants in the Creative Meetups, act as inspiration for me to take action on my own chronic health condition.

Like Jennifer, I initially sought the advice of my General Practitioner only to find that the issue of allergy was outside his area of expertise. However, to my frustration, he did not inform me that the clinic had a doctor who was trained in immunology. After searching the profiles of the clinic doctors, I found a doctor who had a PhD in immunology and had worked in a number of hospitals as an immunologist. Through her referral, I had an appointment with a specialist who was a clinical immunologist and allergist. Once again, my proactivity led me to unearth an erroneous assumption that I had made.

The immunology specialist pointed out that I did not appear to have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS). He explained that there were two levels of Mast Cell Activation – mine related to Level 1 which was largely confined to the skin and was reflected in dermatitis. He stated that MCAS, the syndrome level, was more episodic and systemic (including symptoms such as diarrhea, brain fog, breathing difficulties and digestive problems).

ReflectionI have been trying to manage my chronic condition of an overactive immune system but recently a tick bite set me back considerably as my dermatitis flared up resulting in a short time at the Emergency Centre of a hospital. My feelings of frustration at not being able to eat a wide range of foods were generating a sense of helplessness.

I have found that writing a reflective poem helped me to identify what was in my control and to face up to the actions I needed to take to redress my symptoms. As I grow in mindfulness through reflective writing, I am gaining increased self-awareness, tapping into my creative energy and generating momentum for positive behavioural change.

The following reflective poem flowed from Creative Meetups and related storytelling and shared wisdom:

Managing Chronic Illness MindfullyThe chronic condition:
immune system overdrive,
comfort and pleasure turned to discomfort and pain.

Focusing on deprivation:
makes it more difficult,
harder to avoid the breakouts.

The brief taste sensation:
gluten delicacies enticing temptation,
causing skin damage.

Setting off micro-implosions:
lasting rash, hives and itch,
discomfort magnified by frequency.

The body keeps the score:
registering every aberration,
exacting its toll.

The way forward:
openness to “what is”,
bringing light to depressing darkness.

Paying attention to the body:
listening to the body’s wisdom,
breaking free of emotional blackmail.

Buying time to heal:
avoiding alcohol and sleep deprivation,
eliminating causes of flare-ups.

Reducing the need for cortisone ointment:
protecting the body’s skin barrier,
restoring immune equilibrium.

Mindful awareness growing inside:
opening to nature’s beauty,
savouring life-giving breath.

Discerning the locus of control:
identifying what I can change,
acting on this insight.

It’s time to rebuild:
exercising and osteopathy,
walking and Tai Chi.

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Image by Melanie from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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Dr. Aimie Apigian recently conducted a masterclass on the theme, How to Help the Body Live, Love and Let Go. Her guest speaker for the interactive session was Dr. Gabor Maté, world-leading trauma physician and author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Together they shared their clinical experiences and research and highlighted the lessons learned about the trauma-disease connection.

Gabor highlighted the impact of trauma on the body, reflecting the unity of mind and body. He emphasised that the body is inseparable from all aspects of human existence, including the ecological and social environment. He maintained that his new book, The Myth of Normal, provides insight into the lessons he has learned from “working with trauma in the body”. In writing the book he also drew on thousands of articles and newspaper reports.

Gabor contends that everyone has experienced some form of traumatic experience and that trauma embedded in the mind and body contributes to chronic illness. In his view, healing begins with waking up to the body’s sensations as well as to “what the mind is suppressing”. It is increasingly acknowledged that trauma is not the precipitating experience/event itself but the negative impact on a person’s mind, body and emotions – how the experience/event is internalised.

The early experience of AimieIn responding to Gabor’s question about what motivated Aimie to study diverse medical fields and to get into trauma healing, she told the story of her early experience in adopting 4 year old Miguel from the foster care system. He had extreme behavioural problems and in his rages would try to kill Aimie. Caring for Miguel and undertaking her third year residency as a doctor resulted in “severe fatigue”. It was then that Aimie came across Gabor’s book, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress – the title of his YouTube presentation where he discusses the trauma-disease connection resulting from the unity of mind and body.

Aimie’s response to her own trauma-induced health issues was to try to understand Miguel’s behaviour and her own mind/body response. She undertook training in trauma healing and somatic healing through her functional medicine studies. Aimie also completed master’s degrees in biochemistry and public health as well as “specialized training in neuro-autoimmunity, nutrition, and genetics for addictions, mental health, mood, and behavioural disorders”. Her book on The Biology of Trauma looks at trauma’s impact at the cellular level and explores approaches to holistic healing from trauma. The title of her book is also the theme of her podcasts and the focus of her training for other health professionals.

Trauma’s impactBoth Aimie and Gabor stressed the holistic impact of trauma on a human being. They described how someone who has experienced trauma develops a disconnection from themselves and their bodies. In their view, trauma leads to a degeneration of the nervous system, a loss of energy and emotional issues such as depression and anxiety. They point out that the various systems of the body are interconnected and interdependent – so trauma can affect the gut, the cardio-vascular system and the emotional system.

ReflectionAs Aimie points out, trauma may result from adult experiences, not just adverse childhood experiences. She emphasised that given trauma’s influence on the whole person – body, mind and emotions – a range of healing modalities may be necessary. For this reason she has undertaken extensive trauma training including Somatic Experiencing, Sociometric Relational Trauma Repair, NeuroAffective Touch and the Instinctual Trauma Response Model.

Mindfulness has a key role to play in healing from trauma. As we grow in mindfulness, we can calm our nervous system, reduce our negative self-stories, get in touch with our bodies and build the resilience to restore our health – thus, gradually breaking the trauma-disease connection.

Aimie offers a 6 week online program, The Foundational Journey, designed to provide a safe way to open up “stored trauma”. The evidence-based program has a strong emphasis on the mind-body connection and provides tools that include somatic healing.

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Image by Daniel R from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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The Health Story Collaborative sponsors a monthly, online Creative Meetup for people anywhere in the world who are experiencing chronic illness or disability. The Meetup via Zoom is facilitated and is designed to enable participants to spend time writing while in a supportive community and, in the process, “to access and release our emotions, personal stories, and creative spirits”. The Health Story Collaborative was created by Dr. Annie Brewster, author of The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss.

During our Creative Meetup session in September, Jennifer Harris (our facilitator) guided us in reflecting on Autumn and the significance of the season in terms of harvesting and shedding. By way of stimulus, Jennifer quoted Mary Oliver’s Fall Song and the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall”. This led to a session for our creative writing around the themes of “harvesting” and “shedding”.

Autumnal reflectionsThe four seasons of the year are often used to represent times of transition. Vivaldi’s Four Seasons – “four violin concerti giving musical expression to a season of the year” – epitomises the seasonal transitions we can observe in temperature, the migration of birds, changes in landscapes and in human behaviour. Autumn is associated with harvesting, the gathering of food and growing fur by animals to prepare for the impending winter and significant temperature/weather changes. Many cultures celebrate the arrival of autumn with rites and rituals, especially the Autumnal Equinox (when day and night are equal in length) occurring at the start of Fall (Autumn).

Autumnal rites and rituals often signify change and harvesting. In Japan, the National Autumnal Equinox holiday is a time dedicated to paying respect to “deceased parents, grandparents, and other family members”. In India, Autumn is a time of cleansing. There are various rituals involving shedding to reflect the falling of leaves and regeneration during this season.

Reflections on harvestingHarvesting is a time of reaping what you have sown. Our reflections focused on the metaphorical meaning of harvesting in terms of abundance or achievements realised throughout the year. We were asked to reflect on blessings we experienced, tending/nurturing received, projects accomplished, and personal growth. Associated with these reflections was encouragement to express gratitude for what we had harvested in our personal life.

I noted the following in terms of my “harvest” during the 2024 year:

• Joined the Creative Meetup group of the Health Story Collaborative and participated in the monthly sessions
• Integrated the themes and discussion of the Meetups into my blog posts
• Wrote poems that reflected the themes of the Meetups and related blog posts – giving creative expression to my feelings
• Conceived and structured a book on management – for co-authoring with my colleague (co-facilitator of 80 longitudinal manager development programs, conducted over 16 years)
• Organised a publisher for our book and signed a contract for assisted self-publishing
• Completed the first draft of 20 chapters of our book on management
• Wrote the following posts exploring ways to express gratitude and sharing my gratitude for what I have experienced and am experiencing:
  • Deprivation Can Engender Gratitude
  • Surrender: A Pathway to Gratitude
  • Expressing Gratitude Daily
  • Cultivating Gratitude Through Nature

In our discussion of harvesting we acknowledged that it was okay to “harvest less”, given that all participants in the Meetups are people suffering from chronic illness or disability who often experience setbacks in their recovery.

Reflections on SheddingDuring autumn we can observe the trees and plants shedding their leaves and fertilising the soil with the decaying material – death generates new life.

There are many things that we can shed if they are holding us back from realising our potential – e.g. identity, old beliefs or expectations. During the Creative Meetup I became aware of the unrealistic expectations I was placing on myself in terms of output for my co-authored book on management. The expectations were not coming from my co-author who is currently consumed by her caring role for an ill relative. The expectations are my own – setting a timeline and trying to determine a daily output.

What I realised is that my personal output expectations needed to be shed in the light of the continuous disruption I am experiencing in relation to health-related issues and medical testing. I have been losing momentum in my writing because of the continuous need to undertake important health-related tasks. I have to accept that this is my current situation and shed my expectations about high levels of output in my writing. I have already changed my expectations of the frequency with which I produce a blog post. However, to date, I have failed to adjust my expectations concerning writing my co-authored book.

My participation in the Creative Meetup with the focus on the autumnal shedding theme, highlighted the need for me to shed my current expectations about output for our book in order to create the freedom and space for other important things such as maintaining good health and my connections with family and friends.

Reflection – a poemThe seasons can help us to grow in mindfulness by enhancing our observation of what is changing around us and cultivating gratitude for what we have experienced and achieved. Autumn promotes reflection on what we have harvested and what we need to shed. I wrote the following poem to reflect the process of shedding:

Autumnal SheddingAutumn leaves falling softly
Silently seeking the soil.
Shaken from their anchor
Shrivelled, shrunken, distorted shapes.
Shedding, signalling rebirth
Death begets new life.
New growth, new possibilities
Transcending the past.

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Image by Sven Lachmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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Chris Willard provided a 12-Minute Meditation podcast on the 15 August this year on the theme, A Meditation to Notice What’s Present and What Isn’t. He noted that spaces are everywhere if we look and by paying attention to the “spaces between” we can grow in awareness of what is around us as well as what is missing. Focusing on the spaces between grounds us in the present, enables us to see the potentiality in spaces and heightens out powers of concentration. Bringing our awareness to these spaces enriches our creativity and deepens our appreciation of the magnitude of our world, the beauty of nature and the uniqueness of the people who are around us.

Chris Willard has a Doctorate in Psychology focusing on neuroscience and positive psychology. He is an author, practising psychologist and consultant, a trainer and faculty member of the Harvard Medical School. He specialises in teaching mindfulness to adolescents and young adults. Chris’ books are readily available on Bookshop.org and his online courses can be accessed on his website. He is the co-author with Olivier Weisser of The In-Between Book – designed as an interactive resource for children to develop mindfulness. Chris is also a public speaker and videos of his talks can be found on YouTube.

Guided mediationThroughout the podcast, Chris guides us in a meditation process designed to increase our ability to pay attention to the “space between”, both internally and externally. At the outset he suggests that, after adopting a comfortable position, we focus on our breathing. This initial process involves concentrating not only on our in-breath and out-breath but also on the spaces between these – learning to rest in our breathing space between our inhale and exhale.

Spaces between objects in a roomAs we progress with this meditation, Chris turns our attention to the spaces between objects in our room:

• the shape of objects
• the form of spaces between objects
• the dimensions of those spaces
• how frequently the spaces occur
• the patterns of spaces – small, large, irregular
• intentional or unintentional spaces
• the sense of openness or closure
• the visual impression of clarity or clutter.

Spaces between thoughts and emotionsViktor Frankl reminds us that there is a space between a stimulus and our response and in that space lies our freedom – we can choose how we respond. Chris encourages us to explore this inner space:

• what emotion arises with a thought?
• what events have given rise to the link between the thought and the emotion?
• how often do we employ the S.T.O.P. process to create space before we respond?
• are we carrying resentment and its attendant adverse behaviours?
• does our inner landscape reflect a stance of “victim or freedom”?
• do we have space within for creativity, alternative actions/responses and creating meaning in our lives?

Spaces in natureChris is very conscious of the natural world and the spaces within. He encourages us to explore our external world by observing the spaces in nature:

• between plants
• between trees
• between leaves
• between gardens and lawns
• between water and land
• between clouds.

Associated with this noticing is paying attention to:

• the shape and colours of clouds
• the merging of colours in the sky – yellow into green, red into purple, light into dark
• the changing shape and spaces on the horizon
• the crowded space of a worm farm
• the flight of birds and formations
• the sounds of nature and the gaps between
• the bird calls and delayed responses
• the movement of the wind and the spaces it creates.

Spaces in our interactions with othersEveryday we are in interaction with people close to us, our colleagues, associates and strangers. We can become more conscious of the spaces between us and others by noticing:

• how our assumptions and stereotypes leave no room for sustained engagement
• how we listen by creating space for others to talk
• the pace of our thoughts leaving no gap for deep listening
• the absence of spaces in our interactions to truly get to know someone, their life history and their feelings.

ReflectionWe can extend our focus on the “spaces between” by reviewing our day:

• have we created space for reflection and review?
• have we taken the opportunity to pause?
• has there been time set aside for walking and/or exercise, adequate sleep and rest?
• have we made time for a life review to protect our attention?

Our awareness of space can be shaped by cultural influences and environmental conditions. Often, we need to experience another culture/country to appreciate how we view the “space between”. Following a trip to France, I became so much more aware of my own spatial environment in Brisbane – the space between cars, buildings, people and cities, the openness compared to the “constriction”.

Shelley Davidow in her memoir, Whisperings in the Blood, describes how her grandmother found the environmental shift from America to South Africa disarming – “At night, Africa closes in around the house and bathes it in its foreignness”. Associated with this sense of restriction are the shrieks of nightbirds, grunting of hippos, and the “distant drumming and singing”. Her grandmother was overcome by the open spaces and the loss of “signs of human habitation and civilisation” – the city comforts, landmarks and buildings of various sizes and shapes.

As we grow in mindfulness by paying attention to the “space between’, we can enrich our lives and interactions, enhance our awareness of possibilities, and make room for innovation and creativity. Consciousness of space can improve both our mental and physical health – we can avoid being consumed by the busyness of our life and the endless negative pattern of our thoughts.

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Image by Albrecht Fietz from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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Georgina Miranda facilitated a meditation on the theme of Awaken to the Flow of Gratitude in Nature. In her guided meditation on the 12-Minute Meditation podcast on 12 July 2024, Georgina takes us through a meditation practice that can be conducted anywhere in nature – it could be in our backyard, the local park, or our favourite place in nature. People typically have some favourite place where they experience nature – it could be at the beach, in the mountains or by a river or creek. Georgina encourages us to use nature to reset, to open ourselves to our unity with nature and to let a sense of gratitude flow through us as we experience its stimulation of our wonder and awe.

Georgina is an author, activist, mountaineer, transformation and leadership facilitator. She helps individuals and organisations globally to move beyond their comfort zone, expand their awareness and “shift mountains within themselves and the world around them”. Her activism focuses on protection of nature and our planet, and protection of women against violence. Through her social enterprise, She Ventures, she works consciously to “unleash the untapped potential of women around the world”, offering consulting, coaching and inspirational events designed to achieve self-realisation and effect positive global change.

Georgina herself uses nature, and especially her mountain climbing, as a way to move beyond life’s challenges and to achieve a different perspective on whatever is troubling her. For her, nature provides a “reset” – enabling a movement from emotional turbulence to emotional regulation and calm.

Guided meditation processGeorgina suggests at the outset that we take our place in nature – wherever that may be in terms of accessibility and convenience. She encourages us, for the purposes of this meditation practice, to avoid treating the activity in nature, e.g. walking, as an exercise (an act of “doing”) but as a mindful moment (an act of “being”). The focus is on connection with nature through our breath and sensory awareness.

Georgina begins by having us become aware of our own breath – its pace, its temperature (hot or cold) and its evenness or fluctuations. She reminds us of our connection with nature through our breath – our outbreath is nature’s inbreath. Also, we draw vital oxygen from the plants and trees that surround us.

Georgina then leads us on a sensory journey. We are invited to take in the sights that surround us at a macro and micro level – the broader terrain and the proximate features of nature. We can notice the undulations in the landscape or the flow of waves breaking on the shore; the small plants and larger trees; the cultured lawns and the wild bush. On a closer look, we can view the colours that surround us, taking in plants, water and sky (with the colours of clouds – black, white, blue and grey). With a closer inspection, we can observe the leaves (their form, distribution and colour), the veins coursing through the leaves and the lines or markings that are visible to the naked eye. We could be watching dragonflies flutter above tall grass, grasshoppers gnawing on leaves of citrus trees, butterflies flitting through the air with no apparent goal, birds descending on bottlebrushes to draw nectar, Pelicans gliding gracefully across the Bay in search of schools of fish, or ladybirds landing on roses in our garden to feed on aphids.

We can take in the smells that surround us. It could be the salt from the sea, the earthy smell from soil and fallen leaves, or the tree born odours such as eucalyptus or wattle. It could be the strong smell emitted by herbs such as basil, lavender, or oregano – each with its own distinctive aroma. There may also be the smell of approaching rain or the earthy smell of sodden ground.

We can attune our ears to the sounds in nature. It could be the breeze blowing and rustling the leaves of the trees, the sound of rain hitting the ground, the whistle or song of adjacent birds. In paying attention to the sounds of birds we can notice sounds above, below, beside and in front of us – sometimes as small finches flitter amongst small, colourful bushes. Along with the sounds of the birds, we can pay attention to the colours, size and form of the birds we observe.

Attention to nature through conscious awareness can engender calm and contentment, increase our resourcefulness and enhance our sense of connection with all living things. Through immersing ourselves in nature we can experience gratitude for the air we breathe, the sights and sounds we experience, and the feelings of awe and wonder. We can appreciate how nature helps us to reset, broaden our perspective, reduce our agitation and heal us. We can bathe in nature’s beauty, aliveness and adaptability.

ReflectionI’ve been reading Kate Legge’s novel, Kindred: A Cradle Mountain Love Story, that traces the story of Gustav Weindorfer and Kate Cowie who fell in love with each other and with Cradle Mountain in Tasmania. They were both amateur botanists and members of the Field Naturalists Club of Victoria, established in 1880. They set about establishing eco-tourism in Cradle Mountain and Gustav is credited with strongly promoting (and achieving) the development of a national park in the area so that its beauty could be enjoyed by all nature lovers. Cradle Mountain is now visited not only by thousands of tourists but also by scientists from all over the world.

Kate Legge gives us a glimpse of Cradle Mountain and its surrounds through the eyes of dedicated botanists, Gustav and Kate, as they travelled the mountains collecting, documenting and preserving plant specimens some of which they sent to Germany, Austria and Britain. In 1903, before Kate and Gustav were married, Kate presented a paper to the Naturalists Club about Mount Roland in the region of Cradle Mountain. She expounded on the magnificent view from the top of the mountain and contended that botanists and geologists alike “must pause to admire it, with that silent outreach of the soul toward eternal beauty”.

Gustav himself frequently recorded his travels and discoveries as he indulged his “wanderlust” through nature. He wrote letters for his botanist colleagues around the world, reports for the Naturalist Club and articles for newspapers. One such article published in 1910 in The Weekly Courier describes Holidays in the Cradle Mountains in these effusive words, capturing sights and sounds of the mountain as he gazed in awe and wonder:

…through the silent darkness of this supreme mountain solitude stole the murmuring sound of rippling water leaping from rock to rock, gladly escaping from the sombre shadows of the lake to the sunshine of the valley.

Kate Legge, herself a mountaineer as well as author and journalist, found inspiration for her writing in walking mountain trails. In a chapter in her later book, Infidelity and Other Affairs, Kate discusses her “walking life”. She likens walking to writing – “walking is one foot in front of the other, just as writing is one word before another”. Other similarities she identifies are obstructed progress, concentration and shifting attention, movement towards and away from a destination. For Kate, walking is “thinking time” that provides a “fresh perspective”. She maintains that walking “rejuvenates the body and the mind and gives rise to rumination”. Kate shares the perspective of naturalist Henry David Thoreau who advocates “sauntering” and who communed with nature “on daily rambles, rarely taking the same path twice”. She suggests that with this approach we can succumb to a “meditative trance” as we scan the horizon or focus “on small miracles”, such as a “leaf curled in a web”.

So often “shoulds” get in the road of our communion with nature – the “doing” deadlines that are often self-imposed. However, when we make the time to grow in mindfulness through natural awareness, we can really appreciate the benefits of nature and our connection with our natural environment.

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Image by Penny from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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Kim Armstrong provides a meditation on the theme of Cultivating Gratitude Daily. In the 12-Minute Meditation podcast on 21 March 2024, she takes us through a process of reviewing our day (or the previous day) at micro-points to reflect on instances, interactions or events that brought us joy, happiness or contentment. She encourages us to reflect on these moments to express appreciation for them. They don’t have to be big happenings, but by reflecting on the small positive moments in our life, we can cultivate gratitude on a daily basis.

Kim is co-founder and facilitator of Space Between, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to bringing the benefits of mindfulness to teachers and school-aged youth. She has a Master’s Degree in Child and Adolescent Psychology and is a certified meditation and yoga teacher. Fun-loving Kim is a strong advocate and practitioner of deep listening and draws inspiration from Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote, “Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life”.

Space Between draws its name from Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, and his observation that:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lives our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our greatest happiness.

Guided meditation processIn her guided meditation, Kim helps us to explore the minutia of daily life and to learn to savour each moment that has enriched our lives in small and significant ways. Her process begins with encouraging us to take two deep breaths, inhaling through our nose and exhaling through our mouth, as a way to become grounded for the meditation practice. This initial breathing process could be accentuated by vagal toning. She then leads us to reflect on different stages in our day. The reflections below are my own recollections of moments I appreciated as I progressed through her “Cultivating Gratitude Daily” practice:

• Waking up – the warm morning hug from my partner; the sound of birds greeting the morning light (especially the Kookaburras and their raucous “laughter”); the red and yellow glow of the sunrise spreading across the horizon and being reflected in the waters of Moreton Bay; the view of Green Island and its sandy beach from my lounge room and deck; the sand dunes of Moreton island providing a very white backdrop; the early morning silence punctuated by the calls of birds and the sea breeze.
• Moving from the bedroom – appreciating having the water and toothpaste to brush my teeth; the opportunity to shower and freshen up for the day in a bathroom (instead of in a lake or river); observing the sunlight spreading throughout the rooms of the house I share with my partner and one of my sons; having a house to live in that is spacious and open to views of the Bay.
• Beginning the day – being able to make a cup of coffee on our Expresso machine; having access to Almond Milk (to avoid dairy milk intolerance); savouring the foam and taste of the cappuccino I made; providing a coffee for my partner; having distilled water and vitamins to energise my day; enjoying gluten-free toast and avocado for breakfast; watching the birds feeding off the nectar from our native Bottlebrush trees; enjoying the colour and shape of the Bottlebrushes.
• Transition to work, play, or exercise – having a focus and a purposeful task such as my blog and book; being able to write well; having a talent for integrating ideas, concepts and practices from multiple sources; having focus and clarity (not encumbered by “brain fog”); being able to form an intention and pursue it; being able to create poems to reflect my thoughts and emotions.
• Transition to home life – being able to walk on the Esplanade beside the Moreton Bay; seeing pelicans gliding gracefully across the water at the creek’s edge and resting contentedly on rocks beside the seagulls as they survey the surrounding Bay waters glistening with sunlight; having access to shops to buy a wide assortment of foods; having food to prepare for dinner; preparing the dinner meal for my partner and son; the pleasure of eating and sharing; the taste of food and drink (peppermint herb tea).
• After dinner – sharing a favourite TV show with my partner; being able to watch the Olympics and European soccer (having the resources to fund streaming services such as Stan and Kayo).
• Sleeping – being able to sleep (not suffering from insomnia); having a comfortable and warm bed to sleep in (not sleeping in the street on our Winter nights); the stillness of the night.

Kim points out that the “cultivating gratitude practice” has many benefits. She maintains that it offsets the negative bias of our brains and the tendency to focus on what is unpleasant or dissatisfying. Kim argues that gratitude builds resilience, displaces envy and resentment and builds a positive mindset. In her mindfulness training with teachers and school-aged youth, she aims to help them to achieve “integration and wholeness”. Cultivating gratitude helps us to get in touch with ourselves.

Kim and her colleagues at Space Between employ trauma-informed mindfulness training to help members of the school community to use the space between stimulus and response to make better choices for the benefit of themselves and their community. Research supports the organisation’s observation that undertaking mindfulness practices intentionally provides “systemic support for the mental health and well-being of students, teachers and families”.

ReflectionThe “Cultivating Gratitude Daily” practice helps us to grow in mindfulness and experience the benefits of heightened creativity, greater calm and clarity, and improved focus and productivity. It assists us to see more clearly what we have in life – the things that bring us happiness and joy and builds positivity that contributes to increased resilience.

It also helps me to appreciate the opportunity to pursue a purpose, the creation of this blog, that is helpful for other people as I contribute to awareness of what resources are available to develop mindfulness and the multiple benefits that can accrue from pursuing mindfulness intentionally.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Neuroscience has highlighted the multiple benefits of mindfulness practice. These include the capacity to pay attention, sustain task-focus and regulate our emotions. Mindfulness can contribute to our overall happiness by enabling us to be in the present moment (rather than the past or future), to sustain positive emotions and recover from perceived adverse events. Mindfulness enhances our capacity in a work situation by enabling us to handle abstract ideas, to be reflective and to strengthen the communication between the hemispheres of the brain. Nadine Cherry who teaches meditation and other mindfulness practices to corporate organisations around the world, maintains that meditation can also develop clarity and calm.

In a 12-Minute Meditation podcast (25 April 2024), Nadine facilitated a session on the theme, Meditation to Cultivate Calm and Clarity. In that session, she introduced two mindfulness practices that she contends can be used in the workplace or when working at home. They are short and can be undertaken anywhere:

1. H.A.L.T. Practice

In this process we can explore the bodily sensations and our thoughts associated with hunger, agitation, loneliness and tiredness. It involves stopping for a brief period to focus on each of these states and how they are affecting us in the present moment. It requires tuning into our bodies and our thoughts to assess where we are at in terms of these four human conditions. It also involves reorienting ourselves when we find that we are being impeded by what is going on both in our bodies and our minds. Nadine maintains that this mindfulness practice can contribute “to inner peace and outer performance at work”. It can be very useful as a prelude to a potentially tense meeting, a formal presentation or a challenging conversation.

2. Vagal Toning

Vagus nerves are a critical component of our parasympathetic nervous system and are responsible for creating signals between our brain, heart and digestive systems. Before challenging activities at work, we can experience tightening of our throat or chest. Vagal Toning involves deep breathing and exhaling with a particular sound that relaxes the vagal nerves. The process requires deep inhaling through the nose and then exhaling while making a “v” sound. This action expands the chest and calms the body, enabling clarity of thought and decision-making. Vagal toning helps us to become more grounded and connected to ourselves, enabling us to relax and to achieve optimal performance in the moment.

Nadine asserts that these two mindfulness practices facilitate “authentic expression” and enable us to overcome “overwhelm” when working. By helping us to become more connected to ourselves, they assist us to become clear about what we want to do and say in a work situation.

ReflectionWhile listening to Nadine’s podcast and participating in the mindfulness practices she described, I recalled another calming benefit of mindfulness that has personal relevance to my health situation. I had been watching Dr. Darin Ingles’ Q & A video presentation on the Inflammatory Auto-Immune Response where he mentioned strategies to manage Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) – a condition that I am currently experiencing.

Mast cells release chemicals that produce an inflammatory response to a “perceived invader” – something the body may misperceive as harmful (e.g. a particular protein found in gluten or milk). The activation of the mast cells can range on a spectrum from mild to severe. Darin maintains that in addition to medication, natural processes such as bodywork “can be helpful in resetting your autonomous nervous system and getting it back under control”. He mentions explicitly bodywork such as meditation, Tai Chi, acupuncture, vagal toning, yoga and deep breathing as being especially helpful in toning down the body’s “hyper-active” immune response.

The calming influence of Tai Chi on MCAS provides an added motivation for me to practise Tai Chi regularly. I have previously developed a mnemonic, FRAICHE, to remind me of other potential benefits of this mindfulness practice – flexibility, reflexes, awareness, intention, concentration and coordination, heart health and energy. So, as we grow in mindfulness through practices such as H.A.L.T. , vagal toning and Tai Chi we can calm our body and mind and develop clarity in our thinking and decision-making.

Darin is the author of The Lyme Solution: A 5-Part Plan to Fight the Inflammatory Auto-Immune Response and Beat Lyme and provides a regular podcast on health issues, Resilient Health Radio.

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This post is provided for information purposes only and is not intended to replace personal medical advice provided by a trained medical practitioner. Please seek advice from a qualified professional before deciding on treatments for yourself or other members of your family.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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We take so much for granted – that we can breathe, walk, talk, see, and hear. Deprivation makes us aware how privileged we are to have these functions and other functions such as choosing what we want to eat, achieving basic elimination functions with ease or being able to write or key (not encumbered by arthritic pain and distortion). The recent Reversing Mast Cell Activation and Histamine Intolerance Summit 2.0 brought home the stark realities of how Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or histamine intolerance can impact the quality of our life.

As I listened to various expert speakers who themselves had experienced these conditions, I became more aware of what I do have in terms of quality of life and daily functions. Some of the speakers had periods when they were super-sensitive to smells (such as the perfume of their daughter), unable to eat a wide range of foods because of allergies) or were sensitive to mold in their homes. Others spoke of the symptoms of histamine intolerance and the impact this had on their daily life and their capacity to choose what they would like to eat.

Hope and social supportParental and social support build hope and agency and enable people with chronic illness or disability to rise above their health challenges and achieve a successful recovery, often beyond peoples’ wildest dreams.

Alexa Leary’s story – from tragedy to triumphThe recovery story of Alexa Leary, Australian Paralympic Swimmer destined for Paris 2024 Olympic Games, is a hugely inspiring account of how parental support and social support have helped her to achieve her goals. Three years ago Alexa had a very serious accident on her bike as a world-class triathlete – causing traumatic brain injury and multiple other significant injuries. She was not expected to live, and, even if she did survive, she was not expected to be able to talk or walk. Alexa’s parents set aside their own lives and spent six months by her bedside in hospital to support her recovery.

Alexa’s rehabilitation efforts are starkly illustrated in the video story, Triumph Over Tragedy. Her incredible sporting accomplishments since the accident reinforces the value of the social support she received from organisations such as the global Pho3nix Foundation, dedicated to helping young people through sport and activity to develop a “sense of purpose, focus and possibility”. Alexa was a participant in their Athlete Program designed to enable underfunded, aspiring Paralympics and Olympic athletes to compete in the Olympic Games. When sharing her story of recovery through radio, television and social media, Alexa emphasised the critical role music played in her life and recovery.

Specialised Support through ADDADuane Gordon, President of Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), elaborates on the benefits of social support and shares multiple stories of how ADDA’s many support groups have facilitated the recovery of its members. Tom, an accomplished engineer, experienced overwhelm in everyday tasks such as shopping but was able to gain support and ADHD-friendly strategies through ADDA’s Healthy Habits and ADHD Brain Group. People with ADHD typically experience relationship difficulties but ADDA’s support group Loving and Living with ADHD: Partners Connecting helped Mark and his partner to rise above the challenges of this condition and strengthen their relationship. ADDA’s support group, ADHD @ Work> Survive and Thrive Support Group, helped James recover from the loss of his job caused by ADHD challenges such as confusion, meeting deadlines and remembering tasks.

ReflectionI was recently diagnosed with early stage, normal tension Glaucoma which has reduced my peripheral vision. I am undertaking a series of tests to determine what the cause is and what kind of treatment is required. The diagnosis has forced me to face the prospect of increased loss of sight, retraction of my driver’s licence and loss of the associated independence. The social support provided by the Creative Meetups, sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative, is particularly critical at this point in time.

I wrote the following poem as a way of reflecting on my present circumstances with the possibility of increased loss of vision:

Losing SightSight lighting my way,
expanding my horizons,
disclosing people and cultures,
revealing nature’s beauty,
enabling enjoyable activity.

Playing a game of tennis,
writing a book,
driving a car,
watching a video,
reading a book,
creating a poem,
developing a blog.

Encroaching blackness,
moving in from the edges.
Losing sight a real prospect.
Rescinding of independence.
Storing recollections for future reference.

A long-playing internal videotape,
of my best tennis shots,
played over the years.
Now categorised by tennis stroke –
forehand, backhand, volley, serve and smash.

A rich palette of memories of nature’s beauty –
blue and white, purple and brown,
red and orange, yellow and green,
grey and black.

Moving from sight to sound,
from reading to listening,
from writing to recording,
from driving to walking.

Feeling my way.
Testing to understand.
Exploring my options.
Appreciating what I do have – while I have it.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, meditation and time spent in nature, we can increase our appreciation and gratitude, fortify our hope and strengthen our resilience.

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Image by Shan from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Recently BrainWorx launched a virtual interview series that they called the ADHD Toolbox Live with more than 20 speakers involving both live and prerecorded interviews. Some of these highly informative interviews are available on the BrainWorx blog. The Mayo Clinic explains that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a chronic condition in some children and adults that cannot be cured but can be managed through behavioural interventions and medication.

Mel Robbins in her podcast, Six Surprising Signs of Adult ADHD, draws on her extensive research and interviews with leading ADHD experts to explain that ADHD is “a chronic neurobiological disorder” that has an impact on the brain both structurally and chemically and can affect how the brain communicates amongst its various parts.

Duane Gordon, President of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), explained in his BrainWorx Toolbox presentation that ADHD results in “differences in brain development” that can negatively impact capacity to pay attention, to exercise self-control and to remain inactive (“being hyperactive” – a description often given to “naughty children” at school).

Misconceptions about ADHDDuane was at pains to explain that there are many misconceptions/myths surrounding ADHD. These misconceptions include:

• The belief that ADHD is only a children’s disorder – increasingly adults are diagnosed with it when an adult (however, research shows that ADHD is formed before 12 years of age)
• The assumption that people with ADHD “lack intelligence” (the opposite is often true)
• The exhortation that people with ADHD should just “try harder” (which Duane explains is the most damaging of all misconceptions because it attacks a person’s self-esteem as they are already doing everything in their power to “keep afloat” with everyday demands).
• The perception that ADHD is a “little inconvenient” (Duane explains , however, that ADHD can deeply affect every facet of your life – such as financial health, career and relationships). Duane, who himself has ADHD, comments that it “digs into every aspect of your life”.

Symptoms of Adult ADHDIn her podcast of the six surprising signs of adult ADHD, Mel Robbins identifies the following key characteristics:

1. Hyperfocus – ability to focus intensively in particular settings (e.g. when working on a creative project or writing) despite an inability to focus in other settings (e.g. with children, hyper-focus on computer games but inability to pay attention in class at school)
2. Difficulty controlling emotions – can be impulsive, easily frustrated and reactive
3. A tendency to shop impulsively and over-spend – Mel cites Dr. Amen who explains that the compulsive shopping or drug and alcohol abuse can be an attempt to “stimulate the brain with a dopamine rush” (a chemical that has a role in learning, attention & mood)
4. Time management problems reflected in lateness, being the last person to arrive
5. Capacity to function at a high level – workaholism (including “all-nighters”) and entrepreneurial success
6. Highly self-critical – constantly “beating up” on oneself for “disappointing everyone”.

Mel, however, drawing on the work of Dr. Ellen Littman and others who co-authored the book, Understanding Girls with ADHD, points out that the ADHD symptoms of girls are often different to those of boys. She explains that this contributes to the fact that adult women are often diagnosed with ADHD later than men. Mel herself was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 47 (by accident when her son was formally diagnosed with the same condition). She explains that the major difference between women (girls) and men (boys) with ADHD is that the symptoms are typically internal rather than external.

Boys, for example (like her son), express their symptoms physically such as impulsive physical behaviour, fidgeting, inability to keep still, inability to pay attention and concentrate, easily distracted, continuous leg movement and a tendency to interrupt proceedings (such as classes). Girls/women (like herself) tend to daydream and are disorganised and forgetful, and are hard on themselves, seeing their ADHD as a “character flaw”.

Mel notes, again drawing on the work of Dr. Littman and colleagues, that the outcomes for girls tend to be worse than those for boys – resulting in low-self-esteem, self-loathing, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation. In common with boys, girls can experience “overwhelm” but Ellen Littman contends that outcomes for girls (and women) can be “horrendous”.

Managing Adult ADHDDuane argues that a starting point is to “embrace” your ADHD. By this, he means to “look for aspects that make you special” such as storytelling, leadership capability, capacity for public speaking and creativity. He points out that some of the world’s leading entrepreneurs have been diagnosed with ADHD as adults. He explains that when people are first diagnosed as adults they tend to experience shock, feel shame, resist the diagnosis and tend to become absorbed in regret. He notes, however, that many of the forward-looking organisations are seeking out people who are neuro-divergent because they “think outside the box”.

Duane was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult in similar circumstances to those of Mel – his own diagnosis was accidental when his daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. He explained that when he was first diagnosed with ADHD he did not have a phone number on his business card because he could not talk to people – now as President of ADDA he talks to people all over the world about the condition and its personal and social impacts.

Duane strongly advocates for self-compassion, which involves not only self-acceptance but also self-forgiveness. He explains that there is often a stigma attached to ADHD because “neuro-typical” people tend to attach negative meanings to the ADHD condition, they are blind to the unique talents of those people who are “neuro-divergent”. Kevin Bailey, a Certified ADHD Coach, argues in his ADHD Toolbox interview, that we should acknowledge that “we’re all perfectly imperfect” and suggests that adults with ADHD could employ his strategy of acting “as fast as I can, as slow as I need”. His interview with the Wired for Winning video podcast relates his experience of “otherness” as a neuro-diverse, black person with ADHD and Autism.

Duane counsels us that everyone’s ADHD is different – he comments that his daughter’s ADHD “is different to mine”. Accordingly, it is not possible to offer a precise solution for an individual adult for managing their condition, there is, in his words, a “group of solutions” that others have found helpful and can be used as personal experiments to see what works for you.

Duane strongly recommends the social support offered by a community of people with adult ADHD such as that offered by ADDA, the largest such organisation in the world. Not only does ADDA provide resources but it also facilitates exchange between members so that people can share their stories, the manifestations of ADHD in their lives and the solutions that have worked for them. This is similar to the healing power of storytelling embraced by the Creative Meetups hosted by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC). Duane suggests that organisations such as ADDA help adults to “take your ADHD and discover it for yourself” – facilitating the process of learning, experimentation, making adjustments and continuously applying new learning.

ADDA provides a free monograph which offers what it calls, 5 Pillars to Manage Your ADHD:

1. Learn self-acceptance
2. Take control of your life
3. Get enough sleep
4. Avoid over-committing
5. Engage a support system

Duane’s interview for the ADHD Toolkit, Why Entrepreneurship is a Great Match for ADHD, can be found here.

The metabolic approach to managing adult ADHDMel in another podcast interview with Dr. Chris Palmer, Harvard psychologist and author of Brain Energy, explored the metabolic approach to managing adult ADHD. In the podcast, The Truth About ADHD in Adults, she delved into metabolic health issues as the root cause of mental health disorders. This led her to a discussion with Chris about key elements impacting metabolic health such as nutrition, sleep , exercise and other lifestyle elements – all of which can negatively impact brain functioning when they are lacking or inadequate.

Chris argues that an elimination diet over two weeks could help to identify what foods you are sensitive to, e.g. dairy and gluten (which could lead to brain inflammation). He contends that metabolic health (and associated brain functioning) can be improved by increasing protein intake, lowering carbohydrates, eliminating alcohol and smoking (vaping) and undertaking daily exercise (even Cardio 2 level exercise – e.g., light jog, hiking, swimming).

Chris maintains that children with ADHD internalise the messages they receive at school and elsewhere, e.g., “you are a “problem child”, and this negatively impacts their self-esteem, both in childhood and adulthood. From his research, he contends that 50% of people with ADHD have “more than one diagnostic label”, e.g., Autism, Bipolar Disorder, and 10% will develop Schizophrenia.

ReflectionGaining knowledge about ADHD helps us to understand better the challenges faced by adults with this condition. It can help us to develop greater tolerance of their hyperactivity, messiness, disorganisation, inability to concentrate, poor time management and incapacity to “remain on task”.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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In the May Creative Meetup, sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative, we focused on the theme of “surrender”. The discussion proved to be both inspiring and insightful with participants freely sharing their wisdom born of their lived experience of dealing with chronic illness or disability. One area we looked at was the act of “letting go” of what is holding us back – our old beliefs, self-doubts, negative self-stories, fears, and expectations of ourselves and others. Associated with surrender, too, is the possibility of shedding an identity that no longer works for us.

Another sub-theme was that of “giving up” as Lily Tomlin comments, “to give up all hope of a better past”. It also means accepting ourselves “as we are” with all our foibles, mistakes, deficiencies, hurts, disappointments, losses and limitations. It involves accepting that we are not perfect and, in the process, opening ourselves to life’s challenges and vicissitudes. It is about achieving equanimity through acknowledging the fragility of the human condition. Our facilitator for the Meetup, Jennifer Harris, shared a passage from Jeff Brown in which he encourages us “to celebrate how far we have come”, noting that the “river doesn’t ask itself why it is not an ocean”.

Negative self-talk – an impediment to creativityIn their book, What Happened to You?, Dr. Bruce Perry and Winfrey Oprah point out that personal trauma can lead to a distorted worldview, sensitivity to cues (triggers) and negative self-messages. In reflecting as part of the Creative Meetup process, I realised that my adverse childhood experiences contributed to my sense that I was “not good enough” and, at times, that I was actually an “impostor”.

Seth Godin, best-selling author of 21 books, maintains that this kind of negative self-talk is an impediment to creativity and the realisation of our potential. There were times in my life when I was full of self-doubt and beset with “fear of failure’ or inability to achieve my desired outcomes. I also felt discouraged by resistance to organisational changes or innovations I was trying to create.

Seth Godin contends that uncertainty about outcomes is integral to the concept of creativity – we “go out on a limb” or “leap into the unknown” when we attempt to develop something new or introduce a change to the way things are done. For Seth, the chance of failure is always present when you are being creative. He argues that focusing on process rather than outcomes can free us from fear and enable us to explore new opportunities unimpeded by uncertainty.

Seth reinterprets the concept of “impostor” to acknowledge that whenever we are being creative the outcomes are uncertain. In that sense, we will feel that we are “fake” or not the “real thing” because we cannot guarantee the outcome – a natural sensation in the face of uncertainty. The ”impostor syndrome” can occur whether we are engaged in writing, facilitating, managing people or undertaking some other creative activity.

Gratitude for social supportSocial support can take many forms and may involve groups or individuals. Sometimes it is being supported by a group, such as the Creative Meetups, where you share your stories, challenges and insights. At other times it may involve emotional and intellectual support from someone who helps you overcome fear of failure. When I reflected on the theme of surrender, I became acutely aware of the many people who have helped me during my life to achieve significant outcomes despite my ingrained self-doubts – to help me “let go” of the fear and embrace the creative challenge. This reflection, in turn, engendered a strong sense of gratitude towards all of these individuals who have had a positive influence in my life by believing in me and my capabilities. Some outstanding examples include:

• My Mother, a devout Catholic, who supported my education at a private school and believed that I was destined to be a priest and was capable of successfully undertaking the relevant study and training. To that end, I joined a Contemplative Order and completed five of the six years required for ordination as a priest. However, I left before my final year owing to illness and external factors. During my training, I excelled in my studies, was exposed to the emerging fields of Existentialism and Phenomenology, enjoyed the practice of silence and learnt to meditate and sing Gregorian Chant. It was a life of incredible richness and balance – with strong group social support, challenging learning, daily prayer and meditation, sport and recreation and work on the farm owned by the Order.
• Charlie Venning, my boss and mentor in the Brisbane Taxation Office, who believed in me to the point of promoting me to be Chief Internal Auditor, Manager of 90 staff engaged in collecting AUD700 Million of taxpayer revenue and, eventually, an Executive Director.
• Peter Sullivan, a visionary Executive who worked in the Canberra Head Office of the Australian Taxation Office. Peter had such a strong belief in my capabilities that he engaged me over a number of years to work on three significant national projects involving the organisation-wide development of the Taxation Office. Peter always believed that I was capable of achieving more than I ever dreamed was possible.
• Emeritus Professor Ortrun Zuber-Skerritt, author/co-author of 50 books, who first engaged me in 1989 to be the Government representative on the First International Symposium on Action Research in Higher Education, Government and Industry held in Brisbane. In 1991, Ortrun and I were founding executive members of the Action Learning and Action Research Association which continues today and has had a significant role in promoting action learning and action research on a global basis through World Congresses, international conferences, publications and speaking engagements. I was President of the Association for five years from 1992. Ortrun proved to be my mentor, PhD supervisor and friend of more than 30 years. When I doubted my capacity to do a PhD, she encouraged me strongly and provided me with ongoing support. I have become one of her international “critical friends” for her book writing and provided concept editing for some of her books as well as book reviews. I have also contributed chapters to four of her books and a chapter, The Practical Visionary, to the book produced to honour her lifelong contribution to action learning and action research. Ortrun is a visionary who has enviable tenacity, resilience and resourcefulness – part of her German inheritance.
• Reg Revans, Father of Action Learning, I met Reg Revans in 1990 when he was a Keynote Speaker at the First World Congress on Action Learning and Action Research. Ortrun was Convenor of the Congress and had invited Reg. I picked up Reg from the airport when he arrived in Brisbane from the UK and took him to his motel opposite Griffith University. Reg asked if I could show him the QE11 Stadium, the site for the 1982 Commonwealth Games which was adjacent to the University. In 1930, Reg had represented Britain at the Commonwealth Games and won a silver medal in the triple jump and long jump. After taking him on a car tour of the site, I joined Reg for dinner at his motel and his charisma was evident to all in the restaurant – he was a great storyteller. Reg inspired everyone at the Congress and his work continues to inspire me today. I completed my action learning PhD in 1996 drawing heavily on Reg’s work and his book, The Origins and Growth of Action Learning. My colleague, Julie Cork, and I have conducted over 70 longitudinal, action learning programs for managers over the last 16 years (involving more than 2,000 managers). We are currently co-authoring an action learning book for managers based on our experience in our manager development programs. Julie, too, has been a very positive influence on me through her belief in my facilitations skills, my understanding of action learning, and my knowledge of manager and organisation development, as well as her willingness to explore the unknown and to collaborate on creating innovative programs.
• Dr. Bob Dick taught me about organisation development and facilitation skills at the University of Queensland in the 1980’s when I undertook my MBA majoring in training and development. Bob had an acknowledged, unique, participative style of teaching. I have modelled my facilitation/co-facilitation of more than 1,000 workshops on his style. Bob also provided mentorship for me when I was engaged in organisation development activities in the Taxation Office over a number of years. We have also worked together to promote action learning and action research and to co-author a book on this topic. I highly value our 40 years of friendship and collaboration.
• Selva and Param Abraham who had an unshakeable belief in my action learning expertise and sound knowledge of the Tertiary Education Sector. They are founding owners and now co-owners of the Australian Institute of Business (AIB) – accredited to doctoral level and the largest provider of MBA’s in Australia. During my 32 years working in an adjunct capacity at AIB (1985-2017), I designed postgraduate courses, was a member of the Academic Board and eventually, Chair of the Research Committee. I also contributed substantially to the organisation’s ongoing accreditation within the Australian Higher Education System. In my final year when I retired as a Professor of Management, I was honoured with the award of Emeritus Professor.
• My State Director in the Federal Government Department of Social Security who appointed me as HRM Director as an external applicant (against the trend of internal promotions) and, subsequently, Director, Corporate Services, with responsibility for training and development, human resource management, staffing levels and pay for 3,000 staff in 30 locations across Queensland. He eventually recommended me for secondment to Griffith University where I spent 11 years as an academic.
• Emeritus Professor Fals Borda of the Bogota University who believed in my capacity to co-convene a World Congress on Action Learning and Action Research, held in Cartagena, Colombia (South America) in 1997. The Congress was attended by 1,800 people from 61 countries. I arranged seeding money for the Invitations to Present; participated as a member of the International Planning Committee as well as an Expert Panel Member; acted as Coordinator of the Organisational Development Stream; and officially opened the Congress with Orlando. The occasion led me to conduct an impromptu workshop on action learning and organisational change with a group of postgraduate students who were Spanish-speaking. One of their number acted as interpreter as I progressively explained a major action learning, organisational development project that was the subject of my PhD.
• Seth Godin, among other things, was the creator of the social media platform, Squidoo (2005). The platform enabled people to create Squidoo Lenes (effectively individual, modular websites) on any topic – a very strong encouragement to write and share knowledge and understanding. Revenue from the site, generated through affiliate links/modules, was shared with authors and charities. Squidoo was also an active community of writers from across the world and became the source of two of my long-standing friendships with my German counterparts, Anne Corcino and Achim Thiemermann, who were resident in America. Together we collaborated in 2011 with two resident German programmers, Hans Braxmeier and Simon Steinberger, to build the Wizzley social media site – an online community of writers still operating today. Seth and Squidoo proved to be a great inspiration for my writing and I became a “leader’ in the platform with more than 100 Squidoo lens. I then went on to create a 6-month social media training program and developed a blog and e-book on Squidoo Marketing Strategies. Seth provided personal encouragement when he featured my biographical Squidoo lens in his monograph, For the Love of Squidoo, commenting positively on my interesting career and humourous article, An Ethnographical Study of Cartagena Taxi Drivers. Unfortunately, Squidoo became one of the dead websites after a very successful run and was sold to HubPages – which proved to be a sad day for Squidoo advocates. Seth, a globally acknowledged marketing guru, has a blog on which he writes daily posts. Seth’s blog has been a long-standing inspiration for my own blog on mindfulness. I started writing posts daily too but this became too much when I had to conduct workshops in multiple locations across the State. However, since 2016, I have created in excess of 750 posts on this Grow Mindfulness blog.

I am conscious that, owing to time and space, I have not done justice to the level of influence that these people have had on my career and life. I am also conscious that I have omitted other people who strongly influenced me in a positive way such as Emeritus Professors David Limerick and Richard Bawden.

ReflectionIt is clear to me that social support is critical for personal development and the realisation of a person’s potential. It also has a significant healing power. The social support, both individual and group support, that I have enjoyed over many years has enabled me to overcome some of the residual effects of adverse childhood experiences. Social support enables us to surrender – to let go of negative self-stories, to build self-efficacy, open new horizons and go beyond where we have travelled before. I can relate strongly to the metaphor, Standing on the Shoulders of Giants – an allusion to achieving intellectual and emotional progress by building on the ground-breaking understanding of those who have gone before.

In reflecting on the social support provided by the individuals who helped me to let go of my self-doubts and fear, I am filled with gratitude for their positive contributions to my career and life. Surrendering by “letting go” thus provides a pathway to gratitude.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection on our life journey and appreciation of all who have helped us on our way, we can gain renewed strength to move forward and contribute to a better society. The Creative Meetups sponsored by the Health Story Collaborative have a key role in this endeavour by enabling writing, reflection and storytelling for health and personal development.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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Jessica Kirkness in her memoir, The House With All the Lights On, lets us see and hear what it is like to live with grandparents who are Deaf. Her story covers her experience of living under the one roof with her parents and grandparents and coming to understand the “language of light”. In the process, Jessica enlightens us about what it means to be deaf and how to interact with adults who are deaf.

Jessica’s grandfather spent a lot of time in and out of hospital. She highlighted the problem of a lack of understanding on the part of hospital staff despite being told of her grandfather’s deafness. She maintained that his hospital care was often compromised because “staff had no clue how to interact with him”. This was despite explicit instructions to get his attention before speaking to him, use pen and pad to enable him to understand their message and respond and ensure they actually looked at him when talking.

Jessica herself had studied Auslan (Australian Sign Language) to communicate with her grandparents, particularly with her Grandfather who refused to learn how to speak. She even had to use sign language to communicate to him in hospital that he was dying after a cardiac arrest. Jessica provides an enlightening insight into sign language and its accompanying “visual and spatial tactics” generated by the hands and body movement. She explains that movement serves to direct the viewer’s attention.

Being deafJessica makes the point that, contrary to the general opinion in the community, her grandparents viewed their deafness as a “way of being in the world”, not a deficit (the focus on something missing). They were able to recognise nuances in facial expressions and insisted that everyone faced them directly when they talked to them. This enabled them to expertly read faces and attempt to lip read.

Jessica points out at one stage in her book about the lipreading traps inherent in the English language. She explains that this is the result of what is called “homophemes” – “words that sound different but involve identical movements of the speaker’s lips”. The words themselves have different meanings, leading to confusion and stress for the lip reader.

DiscriminationJessica quotes Rachel Kolb’s TED Talk, Navigating Deafness in a Hearing World, when she discusses the “primacy of voice” in our hearing world and the fact that “mouths are not a prerequisite for speech”. Rachel makes the salient point that if you can’t hear, how can you learn to speak? She was born profoundly deaf and has become a Rhodes Scholar, writer and disability advocate.

Rachel knew that her speech was defective and had to come to terms with her difference. She spent 18 years in speech therapy to be able to talk, spending a lot of time learning speech through feeling the vibrations in the throat of her speech therapist. Still people thought that her difference in speech was due to a foreign accent.

Jessica highlights the discrimination experienced by her grandparents in what is a “hearing world”. People expect to be understood when they speak (“being heard”, “being listened to”). The distortions in the speech of many deaf people lead to misunderstandings and assumptions about “lack of intelligence” or dumbness. Jessica states that “deafness is the thing that we cannot look away from but cannot bear to face”.

The disruption and disorientation of deafness in a hearing world is not understood and sometimes feared. People lack an appreciation that a deaf person can have a heightened sense of sight and an enhanced peripheral vision (so that actions “behind their back” can sometimes be detected and seen as derogatory). People who are deaf often have a strong sense of touch and vibration. As Jessica remarks, “sound is received in the body in all sorts of ways” and people who are deaf can “hear” music through vibrations in the floor. I had personal experience of this in Melbourne when a group of us visited a school for deaf children and watched them dancing enthusiastically to music by sensing floor vibrations.

The language of lightJessica’s Grandmother insisted that ‘the entire self is required for conversation”. She could not tolerate people turning away from her when listening to what she had to say. Jessica does point out, however, that the exception to this “whole-self rule” was when she was driving. She notes too that “touch and sight were always interwoven” for her grandparents. The world for them was “experienced through the interplay of the eyes and body”.

Consciousness of light was important because being in front of windows when communicating could create shadows that distort the images of hands and faces. The world of deaf people is “driven by sight” where looking is equivalent to knowing. Gerald Shea titled his book The Language of Light to express the role of light in sign language and the centrality of the visual for the deaf. When the lights go out there is no dialogue.

ReflectionJesscia’s book helped me to understand how easy it is to unconsciously exclude a person who is fully or partially deaf. It reminded me that I have a friend in her eighties who is hard of hearing and I often overlook the need to face her when I talk. She points out that being able to speak multiple languages, she has developed a propensity for lipreading – something I deprive her of when I am not facing her. She often notes too that I “mumble”, failing to properly articulate my words which increases her sense of isolation.

By gaining an understanding of what it is like being deaf, we can learn to better include deaf people by more conscious speech and actions. As we grow in mindfulness, we can increase our awareness of people’s differences, our own limitations and biases and be more compassionate in our interactions with others.

Having been considerably moved by Jessica’s book, I wrote the following poem from the perspective of someone who is deaf:

Being Deaf

Being deaf is not a deficit
It’s a way of being in the world.
With refined senses of sight and touch
A reliance on light for meaning.

Face me so I can read your lips
Be in the light so I see the nuances in your facial expressions.
I am not dumb, I am deaf
I sense sound through vibrations.

While I can’t hear
I can see and feel things that you don’t notice.
My vision is not narrow
I can see my periphery clearly.

Don’t avoid me out of fear
Approach me out of curiosity.
Don’t judge me for my voice distortions
Listen intently for my message.

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Image by Ivana Tomášková from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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In a previous post, I discussed surrendering to the process of shedding old beliefs. There are also times when we need to shed an identity or an aspect of one of our identities. In this context, identity relates to the way we conceive of ourselves as being different to others – it can encompass a set of specific skills or trade (e.g. an architect); a level of achievement in sport, art or literature (e.g. a writer); and/or represent identification with a particular group such as a cultural or ethnic group. There are times, however, when assuming an identity ceases to work for us owing to outside influences, often beyond our control.

Elite sportspeople, for example, who suffer a career-ending injury are confronted with the need to reframe their identity. Others may find that chronic illness or a disability makes it impossible to pursue the activities that they once saw as part of their identity. It may mean that they can no longer teach, write or act in the theatre, so they need to rethink how they define themselves or suffer ongoing frustration and, potentially, depression. People who suffer from the debilitating effects of Long Covid often find that they can no longer entertain an identity that has been a large part of their life – brain fog, fatigue, inability to concentrate and endless pain can preclude activities that they once saw as part and parcel of how they viewed themselves and their capability.

Shedding an identity is a long but rewarding process Shedding an identity takes time and self-care. It involves acknowledging a declining competence, recognising a loss of self-efficacy and a need to address self-esteem issues. While there can be residual elements of an identity retained in the event of major life changes, there needs to be acceptance that you are no longer like you used to be in relation to the identity being shed. The challenge is to handle the change not only at an intellectual level but also on an emotional and physical level, particularly where a life time of competence building has been involved.

However, the rewards of shedding an obsolete identity are a sense of freedom, the opportunity to pursue other creative outlets, and build a new sense of identity. One participant in a recent Creative Meetup noted that leaving her corporate job (and related corporate identity and trappings) provided space for her to pursue her artistic talents – she indicated that it had felt very constraining to be “an artist in a corporate suit”.

A personal example of the process of shedding an identity I prided myself as an “A” Grade tennis player, having won a number of team competitions at that level. I enjoyed the feeling of competence and control that I could gain from playing great tennis shots and winning games (including my own serve). Associated with this identity was a sense of agility, speed and endurance over many games and sets of tennis. I would pride myself for being able to chase down a drop-shot and play a winning shot from this position (I was a school champion sprinter in secondary school).

However, more recently I have been diagnosed with multi-level spinal degeneration, exercise asthma and arthritis in my “trigger finger” (used to hold the racquet firmly). The combination of these disabilities means that I can no longer use my “first serve” without causing injury to my back (because of the need to bend sideways), no longer play singles tennis (as a result of the exercise asthma) or hit the ball hard for a sustained period (because of the pain from the arthritic finger). I have also had to avoid net play to reduce the risk of falling or being hit in the face (where I have had multiple surgeries for skin cancers, including a melanoma – a vestige of playing summer competition in the Queensland heat). The challenge for my self-esteem is that I have gone from being a tennis player that people want to partner because of my proven competence to an aged player that some people resent playing with.

Over many years I have built up my sense of self-efficacy in playing tennis by recalling good shots that I have played during a match. I would go to sleep at night replaying different shots in my head. The net result is that I have virtually a video-tape library stored in my head that I can sort by tennis shot (e.g., backhand, volley, lob) covering shots that I have played over many years in both competitive and social contexts. The challenge to my self-esteem now is that while I can envision these shots, I can rarely execute them. As an opponent said on one occasion when I missed while playing a top-spin forehand shot down the sideline, “You must be playing from memory”. He was right, but little did he know that I had spent many hours by myself just practising that shot when I was younger.

So I have had to make adaptions including shedding the image of being a very competent “A” Grade tennis player. My adaption has involved making changes at three levels:

1. Mental* Giving up the goal of winning each shot/game (I no longer have the “weapons”)

2. Focusing on achieving shots that surprise my opposition as well as my partner (because of residual skills associated with my original tennis identity, e.g., being able to play different spin shots, able to “read the play”, sound positioning on the court, and an array of shots that I have learned and practised over more than 60 years). The ingrained skills acquired through conscious effort have enabled me to retain the capacity to play instinctive shots in some situations (shots that I have never practised but just do intuitively in a rally, e.g., backhand, half-volley lob).

3. Physical* No net play or running down drop shots

4. No smashes or first serves
5. No lengthy rallies involving a lot of running
6. No singles play

7. No playing in daylight (because of UV radiation and the risk of more skin cancers/melanomas)

8. Emotional* Overcoming the worry about what people ‘think” in terms of my tennis prowess (or lack of it)

9. Being able to rise above my mistakes when playing tennis
10. Dealing with my tennis partner’s expectations and/or disappointment
11. Coping with the frustration of not being able to play a shot that I used to play with ease.

ReflectionShedding an identity is a multi-layered affair that takes time – sometimes it is two steps forward and one backward, particularly on the emotional level. At least I am only dealing with an identity in a recreational/sporting arena. A lot of people are dealing with shedding an identity (or multiple identities) that are core to who they perceive themselves to be, and by how they are recognised by others.

Progressively shedding the identity of a competent “A” Grade tennis player has made room for me to develop a new creative outlet in the form of poetry. Over the past few months, I have written at least eight poems of reasonable length that have caused one observer to comment, “You are a talented poet” – so something lost, something gained. This provides a new arena for me to build a new sense of competence and self-efficacy – by writing poetry and researching this writing genre as I have done through books such as Kim Rosen’s book, Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, writing, and sharing in community, we can develop new creative outlets, build stronger emotional regulation and develop resilience to manage life’s challenges and setbacks that lead to the need to shed an identity.

______________________________

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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There are times when we have to shed something of ourself that we hold dear – our beliefs, our self-stories, or an aspect of our identity. Sharon Salzberg, in her new book Real Life, describes this shedding process as “the movement from constraint, narrowness and limitation to openness, connection, and freedom”. Shedding was the topic introduced by Jennifer Harris, the facilitator of our recent Creative Meetup.

Jennifer introduced the theme of shedding by sharing Harryette Mullen’s poem, Shedding Skin. Harryette likens the process of shedding to stripping off “old scarred skin” and “sloughing off deadscales”. In her view, it involves being open to vulnerability by “shedding toughness, peeling layers down”. Jennifer also introduced the words of a song by Florence and the Machine in which she sings, “And in the Spring I shed my skin”. These words from Rabbit heart (Raise Me Up) are interpreted to mean “shed timidity and become courageous”.

Shedding old beliefsNeale Donald Walsch, in an interview with Kute Blackson for the Soul Talk Podcast, spoke at length about the challenge of giving up old beliefs. He had been told by his father not to talk to black people because “they were trash”. He sustained this belief for some time because he thought it would be disrespectful to challenge the authority of his parent. However, his own life experience as a radio host caused considerable cognitive dissonance for him to the point where he had to shed his old belief about black people. Neale found that when interviewing for his radio show the audience was predominantly black and he found that they were, in fact, “brilliant and incredible…nice human beings” and ended up having lunch with them and seeking a close friendship with one black person in particular. He had to shed his old, wrong beliefs about black people to overcome his cognitive dissonance and sustain his relationships with members of his audience.

Neale also had to shed his beliefs about women (again taught by his father) – “women should take care of the house and kids and not being paid equally, not being as bright as men”. This belief undermined his relationships with women and resulted in multiple failed marriages. His beliefs about women were constraining, limiting and narrow. It took regular relationship crises for him to challenge his beliefs and to learn to behave differently in his relationships with women. So, disconfirming evidence and/or life crises can lead to shedding wrong or outdated beliefs.

However, some people continue to maintain firmly held beliefs despite disconfirming or conflicting evidence and will defend them with overt or covert aggression. I learnt this at my own expense when I was a young manager in the 1980’s. I participated in a national conference for State Managers of Training held by the Australian Taxation Office in Canberra. At one stage in the process, an Assistant Commissioner of Taxation (2IC) joined us to provide moral support for the Central Office Training Team (who were “under fire” from the State representatives for trying to centralise all training). During the Assistant Commissioner’s presentation, I politely challenged his statement that “The Taxation Office is at the forefront of technology in Australia.” I explained that at a State level the opposite was true – in fact we were years behind the private sector at the time. I was publicly abused for my challenge to his firmly held belief (which, while no longer true, was true in the 1960s and early 1970s). His abuse was so memorable that I was stopped in the street 10 years later by a participant from another State who recalled the “abuse”.

I also learnt again painfully that people in authority can protect their beliefs by covert aggression as well as overt aggression When I was an academic, I was introducing action learning into my university and using it as a basis for my PhD research. My Dean opposed my endeavours by trying to prevent my appointment as a tenured academic as well as my overseas travel for a World Congress on action learning in Colombia (I was a member of the international organising committee). He eventually prevented my promotion to a Senior Lecturer – in the feedback afterwards, telling me that “you had the best application [because of my experience and rating as a teacher], but you are using a non-mainstream approach in your PhD research”. Action learning promotes the view that we are all “personal scientists” building expertise through life experiences and reflection on our experiences – a position that conflicted with my Dean’s belief in the expert role of academics and the role of Universities as being the “repositories of all learning”. In consequence, he used covert aggression to try to prevent my academic advancement.

Shedding self-storiesNegative self-stories can develop through the influence of our parents, teachers, peers or colleagues. These self-stories can shape our beliefs about ourself and our worth and influence our behaviours in the face of difficulties and life’s challenges. Negative self-stories can arise through traumatic experiences and are often at a sub-conscious level. Self-beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” can arise from behavioural messages of parents (e.g. through neglect, constant criticism, or extended absences). The “need to please disease” as a hidden motivator can also arise from a belief that “I’m not lovable” and “I have to be nice to be liked and not rejected”.

It is difficult to overcome adverse childhood experiences that are often behind negative self-beliefs. Tara Brach suggests that mindfulness practices (such as mantra meditation, writing and reflective conversations) can help us to loosen false beliefs about ourselves. She offers a process for investigating and challenging false beliefs about ourself. She argues that as we grow in mindfulness we can develop the self-awareness necessary to enable us to identify our habituated behaviour and to name and challenge our false beliefs. In the process, we can loosen the hold of our false self-beliefs, restore our energy and engage more positively and creatively in everyday life.

Surrendering to the process of sheddingParticipants in our recent Creative Meetup discussed the difficulty of letting go of old beliefs. They suggested that the process takes time, patience and self-compassion. They discussed the movement from the pain of shedding to the realisation of potential. They suggested that the process of taking on new beliefs is uncomfortable, moving from the known to the unknown.

The rewards of surrendering to the process of shedding beliefs were valued and highlighted. They talked about “a new way of seeing”, removal of blinkers, experiencing release and empowerment, and accessing a “deeper self” and a “a new way of being”. The challenge of surrender is real, but the rewards are great.

Tara Brach, with Jack Kornfield and colleagues, offers an online course, Power of Awareness, that is designed to help us “break free from negative thoughts” to realise balance, peace and joy. They offer a mindful approach to achieving a quiet mind by bringing awareness and self-compassion to our “inner dialogue”. I have undertaken this course and found it highly beneficial.

ReflectionLulu & Mischka in their mantra meditation, Metamorphosis, capture the essence of surrendering to the process of shedding. They encourage us to “keep letting go”, “trust in the process”, relax into the present and “stop resisting”. If we can do this through mindfulness practices such as reflection and mantra meditations we can achieve healing and a metamorphosis that will enable us to spread our wings and fly higher. This exhortation resonates with Sharon Salzberg’s encouragement to move from constraint to freedom, from narrowness to connection. from limitation to openness. I have expressed these insights in the following poem:

Surrender to Shedding

There comes a time in our life when we have to shed old beliefs.
Slough off our limiting self-beliefs,
Remove constraints on our thinking,
Break down the barriers of our defence mechanisms,
Let go and stop resisting,
Surrender to the process of casting aside what no longer works for us.

The shedding process is painful.
Discomfort with the new,
Feeling lost,
Leaving behind the known,
Moving to uncertainty,
Open to anxiety.

The rewards of shedding are great.
Releasing from constraints and limitations,
Achieving a new sense of freedom,
Moving from pain to possibility,
Discovering a new creative self,
Flowing like a river, rediscovering “Flow”.

_____________________________

Image by Jonathan from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group and the resources to support the blog.

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Kylie Orr in her novel, The Eleventh Floor, has her lead character, Gracie, comment after experiencing the impact of deceit in a relationship, “I was committed to loving up close, to being open, vulnerable”. While Gracie acknowledged that “there is danger in that”, she was willing to take the risk inherent in vulnerability because “a life held together by lies fell apart so easily”. Being vulnerable exposes us to the possibility of being harmed by someone else emotionally, intellectually or physically – it involves showing our true self with our emotional weaknesses, character faults and physical defects.

Vulnerability, however, is a source of strength. It underpins perseverance and resilience, facilitates sustainable relationships, enriches our contribution to community, and enables the writing of an entertaining and enlightening memoir. To access the strength in vulnerability we have to face up to being vulnerable – we need to name our feelings (e.g., fear of rejection) so that we can tame them.

Perseverance and resilienceContrary to the Alpha Male depiction of power, dominance and the trappings of success, Lance Alfred (legally deaf NBA player) contends that perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity require a totally different orientation. He maintains that there is real strength in vulnerability – owning up to our feelings, being authentic, having self-awareness and self-intimacy (acknowledging our own thoughts, actions and consequences), forgiving others, moving beyond other people’s expectations to be our true self, accepting our inadequacies and mistakes and overcoming the fear of failure.

When we fear failure we can be trapped by inertia – unable to move forward beyond the current challenge. In her novel The Brightest Star, Gail Tsukiyama describes a time when Chinese-American actress, Anna May Wong, was making her stage debut In The Circle of Chalk and was terrified that her speaking voice and singing were not up to the expected standard (after spending so much time acting in silent movies). The critics were having a field day about her voice but she acknowledged this weakness and “went on the offensive”, hiring a voice coach. Despite the criticisms of the critics, the show had a “successful run”.

Sustainable intimate relationshipsWe can hide our fear of being vulnerable in a relationship in multiple ways including excessive criticism of the other person, aggression (anger), withdrawal (silent treatment), overcontrolling or projecting our own weaknesses or fears onto the other person. These defence mechanisms only serve to push the other person away, to wound them and disable them. While they provide protection for our ego and self-concept, they create a barrier to a sustainable intimate relationship.

Tara Brach provides a meditation which enables us to explore the ways that we create separation or distance in a relationship by resorting to defence mechanisms to ward off vulnerability. In the meditation, we are asked how we are impacting our relationships(s) by avoiding vulnerability. The challenging questions relate to self-protection, projection, judging, withholding, distrusting or engaging in “superior conceit”. Tara points out the power of being vulnerable (overcoming our natural defence mechanisms) in terms of building closeness and sustainable relationships.

Enriching our contribution to communityTara tells a number of stories where being vulnerable led to someone else finding strength to manage a disturbing or embarrassing circumstance. One of the features of the Creative Meetups hosted by The Health Story Collaborative is the vulnerability shared by participants in the monthly, online meetings. Participants are people experiencing chronic illness or disability or are in a caring role. They willingly share their pain, difficulties in coping, inability to think clearly, physical weaknesses, anxiety or depression or lack of energy.

The level of openness and trust enables individuals to express their vulnerability without fear of being taken advantage of, or being consciously harmed by anyone else present. Vulnerability, enhanced by the culture of sharing and collaboration, builds closeness and healing. There is the implicit recognition that being vulnerable is integral to the human condition.

Developing a memorable memoirIn the Art of Memoir, Mary Karr, stresses the need for authenticity – revealing our real self, not the projected self or the deemed “virtuous self”. She highlights the importance of being vulnerable rather than self-protective. She sees the memoir as a personal unfolding that is sometimes painful – an honest exploration of our “inner landscape”, not just a recording of external events. Mary suggests that as we are developing our draft memoir with recalled stories “what burbles up onto the page is what is exclusively yours, both as a writer and a human being”. She maintains that we have to trust the power of truth enough to “keep unveiling yourself”, despite the shame in the revelations, and, in the process, the memoir will structure itself and you will show up ”warts and all” – leaving a memorable impression that highlights your contribution to relationships and community.

ReflectionBeing vulnerable is difficult as self-protection is our natural fall-back position. As we grow in mindfulness through writing, reflection and meditation, we can begin to draw back the veil that hides our imperfections and inadequacies. With the inherent growth in self-awareness and self-intimacy, we can become more real and more invested in telling the truth about ourselves. This is a progressive inner journey – a slow unveiling of our true inner self. By letting go of shame and expectations (our own and that of others), we can develop authentic connections, friendships and intimate relationships.

I wrote the following poem as a reflection on the negative impact of defensiveness on relationships and the power of vulnerability to create intimacy by removing our constructed barriers.

Sustaining a RelationshipDeceit destroys a relationship.
Closeness is beyond us, as we retreat behind the wall.
Facing up to who we are can be painful.

Without vulnerability, our relationships are shallow.
We hide behind our self-projected mask.
We engage our defence mechanisms.
We fence off our inner landscape.

Sustainability lies in vulnerability.
Openness to ourselves and others.
No longer the frightened child.
Now exposed to risk and reward.
Intimacy is in our hands, if we reveal who we truly are.

___________________________________________

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

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Social support can take the form of having friends, family or other people who can be a source of support in difficult times, such as chronic illness, death of a loved one or ongoing disability. They can provide emotional, companionship or resource support and enhance our self-image while offering different perspectives on what we are encountering.

Social support can be provided through a formal social network where people with common interests come together to achieve specific outcomes such as fitness, charitable work or a hobby (as with the Australian Men’s Shed). Alternatively, they can be informal where a number of people come together on a regular basis to share a coffee and have a chat.

The benefits of social supportJulia Baird, author of Bright Shining: How Grace Changes Everything, highlights the mental health benefits of social support and points to the research that shows the “poor mental health” that results from isolation and loneliness. She refers to a homeless support group organised by St. Vincent de Paul Society that she joined and noted that there was “no pretence”, people “just being who they are”. The healing power of this transparency and normality was evident in the homeless participants developing a positive self-image and contributing from their perspective and reality.

Social support is one of the three components for sustainable recovery from trauma, along with appreciating the complex nature of trauma and its impacts and adopting a holistic approach. Research and clinical practice have demonstrated that social support builds resilience in trauma sufferers – they realise they are not alone, are encouraged to pursue their healing process, are reinforced in their healing efforts and learn vicariously from others who are experiencing difficult emotions and challenging situations. The resultant sense of connectedness contributes to positive mental health.

The GROW organisation over many years has demonstrated that mutual social support has contributed to recovery from many forms of mental illness for hundreds of people (as documented in testimonial stories by participants). The peer-to-peer support process facilitated by a nominated leader within the “lived experience” group, promotes personal development and ongoing recovery – a process that may take a number of years.

ReflectionSocial support helps participants to develop a sense of being cared for as well as feeling that they can seek assistance from others in understanding and managing their challenging situation. People gain a strong sense of belonging and connectedness through sharing their personal challenges, their success strategies and their progress towards healing. They grow in mindfulness as they share their stories and write about their insights, gaining increased self-awareness and heightened self-esteem.

Creative Meetups, provided by the Health Story Collaborative, is a powerful social support system in that it combines the healing power of social support with the healing power of storytelling. Participants feel fully supported by others engaged in compassionate listening or sharing their stories of challenging situations resulting from chronic illness, disability or their carer role. The following poem expresses the sense of social support that can be gained through the Creative Meetups:

Social SupportWhen we share our stories of personal challenges, we realise that we are not alone.
We draw strength from others experiencing and managing more difficult circumstances.
We sense that we belong and feel connected to something outside of ourselves and our pain.
We can be ourselves, free of pretence, unencumbered by the need to be “better than”.
We build trust, savour our relationships and look forward to the next encounter.
There is something magical and disarming about the process that leads to changing perspectives and healing.

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Since I started participating in the Creative Meetups organised by the Health Story Collaborative I have been writing poems. It’s as if there are feelings inside me that need to get out. It reminds me of my PhD supervisor who told me at one stage of my extended procrastination, “You have a doctorate inside you, unless you let it out, it will undermine whatever you are doing.” Once I wrote the PhD, it released a whole new world of opportunity.

Over time, our disposition to forgive and our capacity to offer forgiveness to others and ourself will develop almost invisibly if we grow in mindfulness through appropriate practices, such as forgiveness meditations. The following poem grew out of my mindfulness practices and Meetup reflections:

Paternal ForgivenessI didn’t forgive you while you were alive.
I didn’t even forgive myself.
Now I don’t know how to say sorry to someone who has passed.

You served in the army during World War 2 before I was born.
You spent four years in Changi and worked on the Burma Railway.
Shortly after your army discharge, you reenlisted.

When I was four, you left to work in Sydney and Woomera.
And served 18 months with the Occupation Forces in Japan.
There you were an “enemy stranger” in a foreign land.

In your absence, Mum was seriously ill following the birth of Michael.
You returned for two weeks to take Mum and my two brothers to Brisbane.
While baby Michael spent time with your sister before getting ill himself.

My younger sister and I were separated and left with different relatives in Melbourne.
Three month old Michael was eventually placed in a Founding Home.
When Mum returned a month later to collect the three of us, you told her that Michael had died while she was in transit.

I spent 18 months in an orphanage at the age of four while you were away.
Those were the months of my imprisonment and harsh treatment, shared by my younger sister.
Though we were separated from each other by the Institution.

Mum was only allowed by the Institution to visit us monthly.
It was only then that I saw my brothers and my sister, despite her being in the same Orphanage.
I felt isolated and alone.

When you returned from Japan, you became an aggressive alcoholic.
As a young child, I would freeze and dissociate when your rage flared.
As I got older, I would take flight by riding my push bike into the night as fast as I could.

I didn’t understand PTSD – no one did at that time.
I had not been where you had been or seen what you saw.
I didn’t see the triggered images that tormented you.

The war, the explosion, hospitalisation, capture and prison life.
You suffered the loss of mates killed in action or dying from cruelty or malnutrition while you were in Changi or working on the Burma railway.
You experienced unimaginable horrors.

I understand now that alcohol was your way to drown your pain and sorrows.
To block out the horrific images.
I forgive you and forgive myself for my harsh judgments – I didn’t understand.

It was easy to take sides when you were drunk and wasting our income.
While Mum slaved away at the local Woolies to keep us afloat.
And vented her anger and frustration at night.

As an adult, I had to take Mum away from your violence for her survival.
I was fearful at the time that you would try to find us.
As we took shelter in the small rooms at the back of a General Store.

The separation proved to be a godsend.
You both improved your lives.
With new partners eventually and a healthier way of life.

You even gave up alcohol and walked an hour every day.
On Sundays you took Mum to Church.
But we were not able to reconnect.

You had been a professional boxer, winning 20 of 22 fights.
You won trophies for tennis and athletics.
You became Player Coach of a Reserve Grade AFL team in Brisbane.

I am truly grateful that I inherited your genes.
The fighting spirit, resilience, determination and fast reflexes.
All of which have helped me in my tennis and my work and life.

I am sorry that I did not know what you were going through.
That I saw myself, instead of you, as the victim.
That I did not acknowledge your unbearable pain and unbelievable courage and tenacity.

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Forgiveness is hard to do, whether we are trying to forgive others or ourself. It’s not a one-off event but is an evolving process which is why experts in the area suggest that we start off small – with a minor incident or hurt. Forgiveness engages our feelings as well as our mind and body. It is something that we have to work at consciously if we are to achieve our goal of “letting go”.

Forgiving othersFrank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discover What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully, suggests that one of the lessons from the dying is, “Don’t Wait to Forgive”. In his extensive hospice experience he found that too many people were consumed by anger and rage on their death bed because they were unable to forgive others. He argues that we should not wait until we are dying to forgive others and ourself. Frank maintains that there is a natural resistance to forgiveness because we have a need to maintain our self-image (of goodness/perfection) and find it difficult to acknowledge that we are carrying challenging emotions such as anger, resentment and regret. However, there is a real cost to ourselves and our relationships when we hold onto these emotions.

Danette May in her memoir, The Rise: An Unforgettable Journey of Self-Love, Forgiveness and Transformation, argues that we need to “cut the rope”, or as Frank puts it, “letting go”. These difficult emotions can hold us back, causing self-absorption and “emotional stunting”. There is a real challenge involved in acknowledging our part in an interaction (or multiple interactions) that was hurtful. We need to be able to see things from the other person’s perspective and understand what was driving their behaviour. Frank suggests that in the final analysis, we need to be able to honestly face up to “what we don’t like in ourselves”.

Fred Luskin contends that there are three elements of a grievance that contribute to our “maintaining the rage” and sustaining the hurt:

1. Preoccupation with the ”offence” and exaggerating its negative impact on us
2. Insisting that others are to blame for our negative/difficult feelings
3. Developing and perpetuating a “grievance story”.

Fred argues that the real costs of not letting go are extensive. Not only do we lose our personal power because we are “controlled by emotions”, but also we lose the ability to focus and achieve peace and wellness. If we are consumed by anger, hatred, resentment or envy we can’t see past our hurt and we use all our energy in sharing our story and maintaining our sense of hurt.

Forgiving ourselvesThe starting point for self-forgiveness is acknowledging our part in the hurtful interaction. It is incredibly difficult to forgive ourselves for the hurt we cause to others – it can be a lifelong process. Part of the challenge is dealing with strong feelings of guilt and shame – feelings that go against the grain and undermine our sense of who we are. We can blind ourselves to our negative impact on others because it is too hurtful to ourselves to own up to our part in hurtful interactions.

Jack Kornfield in the Power of Awareness Course argues that there are three myths that underpin our reluctance to engage in self-forgiveness:

1. Self-forgiveness is a sign of weakness – the reality is that it takes a lot of strength and courage to face up to our hurtful words and actions
2. We can forgive ourselves through a “quick fix”, e.g., a short meditation or exercise
3. Forgiving ourselves is condoning our hurtful behaviour.

Elisha Goldstein cites Lily Tomlin when discussing forgiveness of others, Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. This insight can as readily apply to self-forgiveness as to forgiving others. In self-forgiveness, we have to give up our “grievance story”, let go of wishing that we had behaved better and dismantle our defenses that prevent us from acknowledging our part in a hurtful interaction.

Mindfulness – a path to forgivenessWhen we develop a mindful disposition by observing our inner landscape – our thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations – we can reduce our negative thoughts and increase our ability to forgive. Mindfulness can develop our “disposition to forgive” – it can unearth grievance stories, clarify our part in any interaction, help us to take the other person’s perspective, increase our awareness of negative emotions and related bodily sensations and cultivate compassion. Ultimately mindfulness can help us to develop self-awareness and emotional regulation so that we are not captive to our strong, challenging emotions and can live in the present rather than the hurtful past.

Forgiveness meditationThere are multiple forms of forgiveness meditation. Loving kindness meditation, for example, has been shown to cultivate compassion towards others as well as self-compassion. Sharon Salzberg, experienced mindfulness trainer, offers a three-part forgiveness meditation encompassing:

1. Seeking forgiveness from someone you have hurt or harmed
2. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt or harmed you
3. Self-forgiveness for the times you have harmed yourself through being judgmental.

Sharon includes an affirmation related to the last point, For all the ways I have hurt or harmed myself, knowingly or unknowingly, I offer forgiveness. Other meditation trainers, such as Mitra Manesh, focus the self-forgiveness on the harm that we have caused to others, rather than to ourself. Mitra, in her forgiveness meditation podcast, places a lot of emphasis on becoming aware of our bodily sensations as we deal with the “heavy energies” involved in holding onto grudges, anger or rage. She also suggests a mantra for seeking forgiveness from others, For all the ways that I have caused you pain and suffering, I ask your forgiveness.

In reflecting on a number of forgiveness meditations, I identified four common principles underpinning the meditation process:

1. Stay grounded, relaxed and focused
2. Manage distractions through an anchor such as your breath or sounds
3. Start small with something that is manageable and recent (limited history or replaying)
4. Adopt a healing perspective – show loving kindness to others and yourself.

We can develop a mindful disposition in multiple ways , not just through meditation. As we grow in mindfulness we can more readily adopt the perspective of others and understand their hurt. We can own up to and name our own feelings, however negative or challenging. Over time, our disposition to forgive and our capacity to offer forgiveness to others and ourself will grow almost invisibly.

ReflectionForgiving ourself can be a lifetime pursuit as I have found in trying to forgive myself for my part in my marriage breakup which occurred more than 40 years ago. This is something I am working towards. I find that forgiving others and forgiving ourself are interwoven activities – not discrete, independent steps.

I have also been reflecting on my long-standing anger towards my Father for his alcoholism and its major impact on my childhood and my family. I recently started crafting a poem called Paternal Forgiveness which I will publish soon in this blog. In the poem, I offer forgiveness to my father, seek to forgive myself for my harsh judgments and express my sorrow for the hurt that I had caused him when he was alive. In writing the poem, I have drawn inspiration from Kim Rosen’s book, Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words. In the book, Kim describes how poetry has helped people to deal with challenging situations, including the need to forgive others and themselves, and provides insight into the transformative elements of a poem.

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

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Creative Meetups are provided by the Health Story Collaborative (HSC) to enable participants to reflect, connect and gain support from other people who are also living with chronic illness or disability or are carers. The free Meetups, currently facilitated by Jennifer Harris on the Zoom platform, provide a stimulus for writing “to access and release emotions, personal stories and creative spirits”. They form an avenue for healing through the mechanism of narrative therapy.

Alice Morgan, author of What Is Narrative Therapy?, maintains that narrative therapy can take many forms. For instance, she suggests that it can involve “particular ways of talking with people about their lives and the problems they are experiencing”. In essence, it involves people sharing their stories orally and/or in writing to gain insight into the meanings they ascribe to events, experiences and current situations (such as a physical or mental health condition). Jodi Clarke points out that we carry multiple self-stories including those related to “self-esteem, abilities, relationships and work.” She maintains that the process of “putting your narrative together” (however, this is created) enables an individual “to find their voice” as they explore their life experiences and the meanings they attribute to them.

What is action learning?Action learning can be described in simple terms as a cycle – planning, taking action and reflecting on the outcomes (intended and unintended). It is used worldwide in public, private and not-for profit organisations and communities to create positive change and empower people to be the best they can be. It can be undertaken by an individual by themselves (as I have done with my tennis playing over the years) or, more often, as part of a group or “action learning set”.

Creative Meetups and Action LearningCreative Meetups and action learning have a core assumption in common. Alice Morgan expressed this well when she maintained that narrative therapy assumes that “people have many skills, competencies, beliefs, values, commitments and abilities” to resolve their own challenging situations – an assumption that underpins the process of Creative Meetups. This is also a fundamental assumption of action learning (AL).

Reg Revans, the “Father of Action Learning”, charged with improving the mining industry in the UK, got mining managers together to solve their “here and now problems” in the mines. He also got nurses in Intensive Care Units together to work on their challenging situations. In an action learning context, participants are often described as “personal scientists”. Some academics in universities, tied to the concept of universities as the sole repository of “expert knowledge”, had great difficulty accepting this core assumption and would actively oppose the uptake of action learning – it challenged their firmly held beliefs about knowledge creation and dissemination.

Creative Meetups and action learning have a number of other elements in common and, in the final analysis, both seek to create positive change in a situation (either individual or collective). Some of the shared elements are as follows:

1. Peer support – a fundamental principle is to treat each other as peers – with no acknowledged hierarchical difference. There is a recognition that we are “all in the same boat” – each facing challenging situations. Reg described this element as “comrades in adversity”; more recently, people have termed it “comrades in opportunity”. In essence, it involves providing mutual support irrespective of our work role, status, social position or experience level.
2. Collaboration – participants work together towards a common goal (e.g. health and healing or team improvement) and willingly share stores, resources, and insights for mutual benefit. People are unstinting in their sharing – often recommending or loaning books, highlighting helpful websites or identifying relevant expert people.
3. Don’t know mind – participants adopt a “don’t know mind”, not presuming to know and understand another person’s situation. Reg suggests that if you think you understand something fully, you are not only going to get yourself into trouble but other people as well. Adopting a don’t know mind – not jumping to conclusions or interrupting another’s story with your own (erroneously assuming they are same or similar) – enables a person to tell their story in an unfettered way, opening up the path to healing and recovery.
4. Honesty – the conscious exploration of what it means to be honest with oneself (owning up) and with others. This opens the way for improvement and change. The process of writing in Creative Meetups helps participants to identify false self-stories and unearth truer and richer stories that open up new avenues for their lives and their relationships. Action learning, too, enables the development of honesty. Reg, for example, recounts an action learning program involving industrial executives in Belgium who, after 18 months of action learning, identified “What is an honest man and what do I need to become one?” (they were all men) as the most significant question they wished they had asked at the start of the program. He maintained that the pathway to learning and change involves “admitting what you do not know”. Reg also maintained that if you are going to do “something significant about something imperative”, you will come up against how you define yourself and your role.
5. Reflection – reflection is assisted by writing and sharing. The more we reflect, the more it becomes a way of life. Frequent reflection-on-action can result in the ability to reflect-in-action. Reg suggests that reflection is best done in a group because when we reflect alone we can tend to reinforce our existing assumptions and maintain our blindspots. He argues for diversity in the reflective group – diversity of culture, nationality, profession and orientation (business/not-for-profit/community). The Creative Meetups provide a rich diversity in terms of location (participants are from different countries and cultures) and health/caring situation. Participants can gain insight gratuitously when others share their reflections from their different perspectives.
6. Questioning – the willingness and ability to ask “fresh question” to open upinsight into a challenging situation. Reg describes this as “questioning insight”. This approach involves “supportive challenge” – challenging assumptions to enable a person to be the best they can be. Alice Morgan highlights the role of questioning in narrative therapy because we can often develop negative self-stories. Both action learning and Creative Meetups (narrative therapy) cultivate curiosity.
7. Action taking – action learning involves learning through action undertaken with others where possible. Creative Meetups promote writing as taking action to become open to the healing power of storytelling. The writing can take any form, e.g. prose, poetry, dot points. Action is also reflected in the changes in behaviour undertaken by participants as a result of insights gained through writing and sharing.
8. Facilitation – to design and manage the process of sharing. In Creative Meetups, the facilitator provides stimulus material (e.g., a story, music or poem) to enable participants to write and share. In action learning, the facilitator guides the process of planning, acting, reflecting and sharing. In both situations, the facilitator is not a teacher. Their role is to create an environment that promotes safety, trust, openness and sharing – their metaprocess goal is to develop a learning community.

Creative Meetups, in promoting writing and reflection, are helping participants to grow in mindfulness which is described by MARC (UCLA) as “paying attention to present moment experiences with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with what is”. Both action learning and mindfulness contribute to positive mental health because they increase self-awareness and heighten a sense of agency (belief in the capacity to have some control over our inner and outer environment). In cultivating mindfulness, both approaches help people to develop resilience, compassion and creativity.

ReflectionI initially joined the Meetups with a view to writing my stories in prose but have found that the stimulus provided by the discussions and my recent reading of Kim Rosen’s book, Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words, has led me to write several poems about my health story and the process of the Meetups. Kim’s identification of the transformative elements of a poem continues to provide a pathway for my poetic expression. I used her elements to analyse a poem I had written called For the Love of Tennisthat enabled me to express my gratitude for being able to continue to play tennis despite a diagnosis of “multiple-level spinal degeneration”.

Following a recent Meetup, I unearthed my feelings about my chronic condition of food sensitivity/allergy resulting from Long Covid-induced Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. I was surprised about the intensity of my feelings of frustration and alienation that I had not previously given voice to. The poem, The Inflammatory Thread in My Life, provided a creative outlet and release for emotions I had kept “under wraps” and not expressed to anyone, including myself.

In a previous post, I shared a poem, Compassionate Listening, that I wrote following a Creative Meetup where the stimulus input included an excerpt from Joni Mitchell’s performance of Both Sides Now at the 2024 Grammy Awards. To me the poem reflects the stance of participants of the Creative Meetup in being able to engage in deep listening, provide active support of the storyteller and reflect back not only the feelings expressed but also the intensity of those feelings.

Compassionate listening strongly reflects the ethos of HSC where Healing Story Principals (such as Micheal Bischoff) sought to support people “to tell and listen to stories in ways that are healing, connected and empowering”. The support and connection underpinning Creative Meetups and action learning promote health and healing.

Reflecting on the process of Creative Meetups and my long-standing experience with action learning in multiple contexts, I was inspired to write the following poem:

Where is “There”?

When you share your innermost secrets

and I say, “I’ve been there!”,

where is “there”?

It’s not where you have been

with your unique experience and perception.

I’m not inside you looking out,

I’m outside you looking in.

It’s like the glimpse of the Bay

that I get from my back deck.

It’s not the Bay!

It’s only a tiny window

on a complex ecosystem.

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Image by Xavier Lavin Pino from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Legendary singer-songwriter Joni Mitchell has been an inspiration to millions of people and particularly those who suffer from chronic illness or experience long-term disability. You only have to look at comments on YouTube about her Blue Album to see how Joni has impacted the lives of so many people – people suffering from loss, grief, pain and stress and recalling the joyful moments and the feelings of hope when they heard her sing. She has the ability to positively touch the lives of people of all ages, as evidenced by her triumphant performance of Both Sides Now at the 2024 Grammy Awards. The recognition of her stellar career was reflected in her 10th Grammy Award that night and her earlier (2002) Recording Academy’s Lifetime Achievement Award.

Joni’s health challenges and courageThe story of Joni’s health challenges and her positive approach to overcoming them is a source of inspiration in itself. She had to learn to walk again after being diagnosed with polio in 1952 when she was 9 years old. She suffered the painful and crippling effects of polio for 40 years, initially overcoming the disease in 1995, only to then experience “post-polio syndrome”. If Joni had accepted the mantra of many medical practitioners about aging, she could have taken their advice “to lie down and die”, accepting one of the myths of aging. Instead, she chose to seek alternative medicine options and to fight on.

On a number of occasions, Joni spoke about her experience of Morgellons disease which she described in 2010 as a “weird, incurable disease”. The Mayo Clinic describes the disease as creating “a belief that parasites or fibers are emerging from the skin” and involving an “intense itching and sores”. The Centre for Disease Control and Prevention in their 2012 report stated that the “skin lesions and/or disturbing skin sensations” along with “multi-system complaints” can result in a “significantly reduced health-related quality of life”. Health problems reported by respondents to the research included chronic fatigue, overall poor health and cognitive deficits.

Joni herself reported in 2014 that her immune system was severely taxed by the Morgellons disease which restricted her ability to fly and made touring impossible. Her response to this debilitating disease was to say that she was not regretful about her condition but was enjoying the creative process away from singing – “painting, revisiting her music, prepping a four-act ballet or an upcoming collection of stories”. This clearly reflects her indomitable spirit and her ability to focus on what she did have, not what she had lost.

Her resilience was again severely tested in 2015 when she suffered a brain aneurysm. In an interview with Cameron Crowe in 2020, Joni stated that the aneurysm took more away from her than her polio – it “took away my speech and my ability to walk”. Her ability to talk returned relatively quickly, but even at the time of this interview she still struggled to walk. Doctors had advised her that she would “never walk again” but she stated categorically that she would walk again. She indicated at the time, “I’m a fighter” (with Irish blood) and told herself, “Here I go again, another battle”.

The aneurysm appeared to rob Joni of her singing voice, but in 2018 when some musical friends, including Elton John, turned up at her house for what had been famously called a “Joni Jam”, everyone was surprised and delighted when Joni joined in the singing with her “warm and familiar voice”. Joni indicated that she was moved by the spirit of the group and stated that “I forgave myself for my lack of talent” (having “lost her soprano voice” and only being able to sing “a low alto”).

Joni continued her fight against her chronic illnesses and, in 2023, made a triumphant return to concert singing in a three-hour Joni Jam organised by American singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile and involving friends such as Annie Lennox and Sarah McLachlan. Joni’s life journey can be revisited through BBC Radio 4 Legend’s Podcast – seven episodes of the Joni Mitchell story. Her journey into singing and songwriting can be reviewed through the Joni Jams Podcast which “goes album by album through Joni Mitchell’s entire discography”.

ReflectionDuring the most recent Creative Meetup, participants engaged in healing storytelling (in writing and orally) partly stimulated by Joni Mitchell’s song, Both Sides Now. Joni’s emphasis on “I really don’t know clouds [music, love, life] at all” resonated with participants who shared their experiences of unintentional exclusion by others.

For some, the metaphors that we commonly used can exclude others whose experience differs, e.g., for people who are extremely “light sensitive”, metaphors such as “silver lining” or “let the bright side in” can contribute to their sense of isolation and exclusion. For people who experience food sensitivity or allergies, metaphors such as “sweet as a mango” can be alienating. For others, established traditions or practices such as enforced prayers as a child or Australia Day Celebrations can trigger memories of terror and/or loss. As one participant noted, “Unless you are in my shoes, you don’t really know”.

The Creative Meetup hosted by the Health Story Collaborative provided ample evidence of the healing power of storytelling and the energy and insight generated by compassionate listening. Jennifer Harris, the facilitator of the Meetup session on Zoom, introduced Emily Dickinson’s poem, “Hope” is the thing with feathers, and this led to a participant’s comment that “hope emerges from dark places” – sometimes, when there appears to be “no hope”. As all participants in the HSC Meetup are people who are living with illness or disability or are carers, they were able to draw comfort, support and inspiration from Joni Mitchell’s struggle with ill-health.

My reflection on our Meetup is captured in the following Compassionate Listening poem that I wrote after our meeting:

Compassionate Listening

What you see is not what I see.

What you hear is not what I hear.

Your world is not my world.

Your feelings are your own.

I can’t know your reality.

I can only listen with compassion

… and openness to what is different for you.

I can learn to adopt a “don’t know” mindset.

As we grow in mindfulness through compassionate listening, reflection and sharing our story, we can deepen our self-awareness, cultivate openness and build resilience.

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Image by xiSerge from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

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Previously, I discussed the pervasive impact of negative beliefs about aging and the life-enhancing benefits of positive age beliefs. In those posts, I drew on the mind-opening research of Professor Becca Levy, author of Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Will determine How Long and How Well You Live. In her book, Becca not only explores the potential negative or positive impacts of our beliefs about aging, she also offers multiple ways to develop a positive mindset that will enable us to live longer and with a better quality of life. She provides numerous examples of people in different fields who have achieved incredible things in their old age. Becca stresses the need for each of us to be proactive in building positive beliefs about aging to counteract the influence of ageism which is with us from the time we hear our earliest fairy tales until we experience palliative care.

The ABC approach to developing positive beliefs about agingIn her book, Becca introduces the ABC Method to liberate us from the socially-derived negative beliefs about aging and free our minds to realise the potential inherent in aging. Her ABC method incorporates three core elements – awareness, blame and challenge:

A – AwarenessBecca suggests that developing positive age beliefs begins with ourselves, increasing our awareness of our own thoughts and the way this impacts our words and actions. We can increasingly become conscious of how we speak to people in different age groups – how we positively recognise “age diversity” (rather than perpetuating “age blindness”). She recalls that on one occasion, she found herself talking in a childlike manner to older people (“elderspeak”) and immediately pulled herself up and changed the way she spoke to these people. Her newly adopted adult-to-adult communication was respectful of the wisdom and experience of the people she was addressing. This is an example of reflection-in-action, a skill we can develop by practising reflection on our actions as a habitual approach.

Our awareness can develop by building a “portfolio of positive images of aging”. We can do this by reading newspaper reports and articles about people who have excelled in various fields of endeavour. Another rich source of positive age images is memoirs written by people who describe their accomplishments in old age despite early childhood setbacks, including traumatic experiences. An incredible exemplar of this approach to developing positive beliefs is Maya Angelou. She not only broke new ground in writing memoirs but wrote her seventh memoir, Mom and Me and Mom, in her eighties. Her accomplishments in many fields such as poetry, writing, acting, film, singing and activism are memorialised in a website in her name. Becca cautions us, though, to avoid trying to model ourselves on a single, exceptional older person – she argues that a more attainable goal is to strengthen qualities in ourselves that “older role models” exhibit (such as Maya’s work ethic).

We only have to look around us for positive models of aging amongst our friends, relatives, colleagues, our medical carers and other professionals. This involves developing relationships with, and paying attention to, people who have aged and yet who continue to contribute positively to their career arena, the local community or society generally. We can also seek the company of elders. Nadine Cohen, author of the exquisite, debut novel, Everyone and Everything, actively seeks people of her mother’s and grandparents’ age and finds that she is “usually richer emotionally” because of their counsel and wisdom.

B – BlameBecca argues that we should put the blame where it truly belongs – not our biology but the ageism that surrounds us in every facet of our life. This involves consciously developing awareness of our social environment in our everyday life. It means being able to identify “negative age stereotypes” perpetuated in education, the arts, medical professions, and in daily conversations with friends, colleagues and family members.

As we develop this external awareness, we can begin to identify the “upstream causes” impacting the health and wellness of the aged. Becca maintains that “age beliefs are an upstream predictor of health and well-being”. She contends that if we actively develop positive age beliefs we can change our health habits. This approach is in line with the research that shows that to create new behaviours, we need to challenge the assumptions that underlie old behaviours – it is not enough to practise new behaviours if we want sustainable change.

C- ChallengeBecca recommends challenging ageism in whatever form it takes. She points out the example of antiageism activist, Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, and the blog Yo, Is This Ageist? Ashton is actively and publicly challenging the hidden negative beliefs as they are reflected in newspaper articles, headlines, advertisements, and elsewhere and educating readers by responding to their questions about ageism. She also has a YouTube channel incorporating her Talk at Google and other presentations addressing ageism. In her Ted Talk, Let’s End Ageism, she points out that ageism is “a prejudice that pits us against our future selves – and each other”.

While people like Ashton and celebrities such as Madonna and Robert De Niro are speaking out publicly against ageism, Becca contends that we can help to overcome ageism in society if we “call it out” when we encounter any form of ageist remark in the relationship circles in which we move, Becca recounts her discussion over coffee with Irene Trenholme who at 99 years of age ran the Secondhand Prose bookstore which donated all it profits to the local St. Johnsbury library. Irene proved to be an exemplar for challenging ageism. Whenever she encountered an ageist remark or action, she would firmly indicate that this was inappropriate, including challenging her doctor who spoke too loudly to her (assuming that, because of her age, she was “hard of hearing”).

Becca challenges many myths that surround aging and encourages us to take up the task of questioning firmly-held beliefs that have no scientific foundation. She provides an Appendix in her book which she describes as “ammunition to debunk negative age stereotypes”. She lists common negative age stereotypes and offers facts (proven by research) that can be used to debunk these stereotypes, including “cognition inevitably declines in old age” and “older persons are technologically challenged”. In relation to the latter myth, Becca points out that Mildred Dresselhaus innovated the field of nanotechnology in her seventies.

Underlying the assumption that older people are technologically challenged is a foundational ageist myth that I call the “blank slate myth”. People often assume that those who are older lack any related knowledge, skill or experience in a particular area, e.g. technology. They forget that the technology they enjoy today was pioneered and developed commercially (long before some were born) by people who are now in their later years. I am now 77 years of age (2024), but I have a long history of involvement in the development and application of technology in education and the workplace in the 1970’s, 1980’s, 1990’s and early 2000’s:

• National Project Team – the design and implementation of the first online, national, accounting and management information system in the Australian Taxation Office (1973 -1977);
• National Project Team – the introduction of word processing and personal computers in the Australian Taxation Office;
• Role of Director, Computer Operations, Australian Taxation Office, Queensland and the Northern Territory;
• Sensitive National projects associated with physical computer security and deterrence and detection of computer fraud;
• Role of National Change Manager for the implementation of online learning and teaching in the Technical and Further Education Institutes across Australia (2000-2004);
• Role of a Leader in Squidoo – a social media platform developed by Seth Godin (2007-2014);
• Creator of a 6-month, online Social Media Marketing Course – 24 weekly PDF’s (2010);
• Creator of e-books on internet marketing, social media marketing and Squidoo marketing strategies (2009-2012);
• Creator of blogs on affiliate marketing (2005-2012) and small business marketing (2011-2012);
• Co-Creator with colleagues in Germany and America of the article-based, social media platform, Wizzley.com (2011);
• Sole author of my current Grow Mindfulness blog (2016 – present; 745 posts).

I spend very little time on social media platforms these days, not because I’m “technologically challenged” but because I have other priorities. My priorities at the moment are to write my mindfulness blog (1,000 word post per week); co-author a book on “managing people”; and write a memoir.

The “blank slate myth” not only applies to technology but also many other areas of endeavour. I found that it applies even in social activities. I still play social tennis in my late seventies and I am often confronted with the manifestation of this myth in our social tennis games. For example, I recently played with a younger partner who shouted out to me not to hit a shot that was clearly going out (by at least 2 metres), assuming that, through lack of experience (or loss of memory/faculties), I had not been able to judge that the ball would be out. Having played more than 10,000 sets of tennis (including competitive tennis at an A-Grade level) over more than 60 years, I have a fairly advanced awareness of what shots are going to go out – it’s embedded in my body memory. I can, for instance, when lobbed by an opposition tennis player, chase down the tennis ball and hit it back over my head and land it in the court (the secret is to face parallel to the back fence of the court so your body knows where it is in relation to the court outline). To me, the “blank slate myth” defies logic and denies the richness of skills, intuition, insight and reflexes developed over many years.

ReflectionIn thinking about the impact of negative and positive age beliefs, I became very conscious that, despite social conditioning, what we believe about aging is up to us – and our beliefs determine our actions. I incorporated this reflection in the following poem that I wrote recently;

The Choices You Make About Aging

If you are positive, you open up your potential –

life’s joys and pleasures are yours to gain.

If you look, you will see what is possible –

aging models of achievement are everywhere.

If you challenge the myths, your mind is freed,

you can pursue your goals without constraint.

If you remember what you have achieved

you can draw on your sense of agency.

If you exercise your mind and body

you can restore your acuity and strength.

As you grow in mindfulness

through reading, research and reflection,

you can become more self-aware

and free of stereotypes, assumptions and insipidness.

What you believe about aging

influences the choices you make.

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Image by GreenCardShow from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

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In a previous post, I discussed the pervasive impact of negative beliefs about aging. Highlighted in that discussion is the research evidence that negative age beliefs can impact every aspect of our aging process and our quality of life. In that discussion, I drew on the work of Dr. Becca Levy, a pioneer in the area of successful aging and a world-renowned researcher and Yale Professor. In her book, Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Will Determine How Long and Well You Live, she contends that it is critical that we address ageism in our society both as individuals and as a collective.

Becca has a section in the book where she identifies the widespread influence of ageism and calls for “an end to structural ageism” in education, Governmental systems, medicine, mental health, advertising and media, science and the arts. Ageism prevents people from effectively adapting to the aging process, from taking proactive action to maintain their quality of life, from achieving their potential both mentally and physically, and from realising the benefits that can accrue with age.

The benefits of positive beliefs about agingIn her book, Becca draws on her own research and that of researchers worldwide to demonstrate the numerous benefits of positive age beliefs and illustrates these benefits with stories of outstanding achievements by numerous people in multiple fields of endeavour. Ageism is based on the assumption that all people who are old experience decline in mental and physical capacity at the same rate and that this decline is inevitable. Becca’s research and stories of individual achievements demonstrate that each of us can arrest decline, or at least reduce the rate of decline, in our capabilities as we age. Our beliefs about aging are a key determinant of the choices we make and how long and well we live.

In providing research-based claims about the benefits of positive age beliefs, Becca identifies a number of findings that challenge prevailing myths about the aging process. Her research demonstrates the following benefits of this positivity:

• Pattern recognition improves with age so much so that neuroscientist, Daniel Levitin, suggests that radiologists past 60-years old should be preferred to younger people for reading and interpreting X-Rays. Daniel is the author of the book, Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives.
• Indigenous knowledge and memories held by elders in Indigenous communities that have been passed down in communities around the world to ensure the health and continuity of these communities such as in the Indigenous Australian culture. This aspect of Indigenous aging was documented by anthropologist Margaret Mead in her book, Culture and Commitment: A Study of the Generation Gap.
• Functional health is enhanced by positive aging beliefs. Becca demonstrates that her research and that of her colleagues disprove the assumption of the “stereotype of debility and decline” as the natural outcome of the aging process. She draws on the example of Sister Madonna Buder, who at the age of 52 undertook her first triathlon with borrowed running shoes – now, at over 90 years old, she continues to compete and has completed in excess of 350 triathlons. Sister Madonna’s view of aging is that it represents “wisdom and grace” and “opportunity”.
• Irreplaceable knowledge and understanding can accrue to anyone in a specialised field with experience developed as they age. Becca illustrates this by discussing the experience of a 75-year-old paediatrician called Jonas who had retired from clinical practice “when he was most skilled”. A young colleague asked him for his opinion on what was ailing a baby because he could not work it out. Jonas figured it out “right away”. His young colleague had an instant insight and asked, “Teach me Doc, how’d you do that?” Jonas now teaches “medical diagnosis” at a university and participates in group diagnoses of patients in a teaching hospital. Jonas’s career transition highlights the opportunity for older people to make a significant contribution to society even after retirement – all that it requires is a positive view of aging and a willingness to make adaptions in their career role. Jonas has also acquired new interests and hobbies such as cultivating rare orchards, French cooking, close-up photography and amateur aviation.
• Mental health growth – during a placement at a psychiatric hospital, Becca found (contrary to her expectations) that more younger, adult patients suffered from mental illness than older patients and that the latter “can be successfully treated”. Her own research, confirmed by others around the world, also showed that age beliefs heavily impact the nature and quantity of stressors experienced psychosomatically. She found that positive age beliefs helped to mitigate the impact of stressors (even in PTSD cases), while negative age beliefs acted as a “barrier to mental health”.
• Longevity – in a significant research study, Becca found that participants who held positive age beliefs “lived an average of 7.5 years longer” than those who held negative age beliefs. ` Other research has demonstrated that non-biological factors such as age beliefs (and social/cultural environments) “determine as much as 75% of our longevity”.
• Creativity – contrary to the prevailing stereotype, “creativity often continues and even increases in later life”. Throughout the book, Becca mentions people who achieved “their most creative work at an older age”, e.g., Matisse, Hitchcock, Einstein, Picasso, Bernstein, Lerman and Dickens. She also noted that 65 is the average age of a Nobel Prize winner. Becca also reported the comment of actress Doris Roberts that actresses/actors “get better and better in their craft as they get older”. Michael Caine CBE is just one example. Starring in 160 films over 8 decades, he produced an outstanding performance at age 90 in his last film before retirement, The Great Escaper.

In the above discussion of the benefits of positive beliefs about aging, I have only “scratched the surface” of Becca’s research and findings. However, it is very clear that positive age beliefs can impact us in multiple, beneficial ways – opening up opportunity and the realisation of our true potential.

ReflectionI can relate to Jonas’s experience (recounted above) when applied to a recreational context rather than a professional one. I have continued to play social tennis in my late seventies and recently I played a half-volley, drop shot that left my much younger partner “gobsmacked”. He responded, “Wow, how did you do that? Can you teach me to do that shot?” At the time, I just shrugged but felt like saying:

I can’t teach you as I have never learnt to do that shot – it was purely instinctive, as I was caught “in no man’s land”. When you have achieved in tennis what I have done – played 10,000 sets of tennis over more than 60 years, practised Tai Chi for years (for balance and coordination), and spent numerous hours doing tennis drills – you, too, will be able to do instinctive tennis shots that surprise others (as well as yourself).

Becca’s comment that creativity can increase in later years also resonates strongly with me. I started this blog in 2016 (at the age of 70) and have now written more than 740 posts on this blog alone (my fifth blog). I have reduced my output from three posts per week to one post to enable space and time to conduct manager development workshops (hybrid mode) and to co-author a book with my colleague of 16 years (as our legacy to younger managers and organisational consultants). I am finding that connections and patterns come to me more rapidly and profusely as I read and write and I now write an average of 1,000 words per post (compared to the 300 words per post, I started with in 2016).

In her book, Becca recounts the comments of 69 year old creative dancer Liz Lerman who observed that as we grow old we “don’t need to make major life change to activate creativity’. In her view, “expanding our connections to people” can create life changes for us and spark renewed creativity. I have certainly found this with my active participation in the Creative Meetups hosted by the Health Story Collaborative.

Additionally, I am finding (in terms of creativity) that, as I age and reflect, I am writing more poems that are longer and more complex in structure and scope. In three days, inspired by Kim Rosen’s book Saved by a Poem, I have written three poems – previously I wrote four short poems over five years. One of my recent poems relates to the theme of this blog post and its predecessor about negative age beliefs:

Beliefs About Aging

To be positive, is to see opportunities

To be negative, is to deny potentiality.

Positive age beliefs open new horizons

Negative beliefs hold us captive and inert.

Positivity is openness to reality

Negativity is a closed mindset.

In being positive

Our full potential is possible.

With a grateful heart

I live my positive beliefs.

Reflecting and writing poetry enables us to grow in mindfulness. We come to realise that negative beliefs hold us back. Through mindfulness practices, we can grow in self-awareness, concentration, creativity and resourcefulness – we can become increasingly aware of what is around us each day and what it is possible to achieve.

Photo Credit: The photo incorporated in this post was by Steve Buissinne, aged 74, from South Africa. He joined Pixabay in 2014 and has had 556 photos accepted, 148 of which have been singled out as “Editor’s Choice” – a sign of excellence. His photos have been viewed 32.83 million times, resulting in 19.39 million downloads. Steve’s comment on his Pixabay site demonstrates his mindful awareness of the beauty that surrounds us:

Everything has beauty – photography teaches you to see it

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Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

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In a previous post I discussed the transformative power of poetry. In that post, I drew on Kim Rosen’s book, Saved by a Poem: The Transformative Power of Words, to illustrate personal transformations that have occurred through poetry, including that of the author and Maya Angelou. Poetry has a special power to transcend our analytical mind and capture our deeper inner landscape. It has a unique capacity to move people out of darkness into light, out of depression into contentment, out of loneliness into connection. In a section of her book, The Anatomy of A Poem (Chapter 5), Kim explains the elements of a poem that generate this transformative power. She links her discussion of the poetic elements to their psychophysical impact on an individual, while acknowledging that each person reacts to a poem differently and may change their reaction over time – rejection can turn into admiration.

The anatomy of a poemIn discussing the elements of a poem that may contribute to personal transformation, Kim identifies four aspects that can influence our reaction – (1) breath, (2) drumbeat, (3) song, and (4) image. These are discussed below to offer a sense of what they may look like and feel like:

• Breath – our breathing can be impacted by the pattern and pace developed in a poem through rhythm, line length and phrasing. Rhythm, for example, can create calmness or a sense of urgency. Line length can be slow and ponderous or fast and staccato-like. Phrasing can be regular or irregular with disruption to an established pattern by short statements or punctuation. Surprise and challenge can change breathing patterns because they can pull us up from our habituated behaviours.
• Drumbeat – the sense of a drum beating can flow from accentuated syllables followed by softer syllables or broken with pauses. The rhythm of a poem can create a sound experience similar to that of a drumbeat.
• Song – a sense of singing can be generated through repetition, rhyme, or rhythm or alliteration as in the repeated “r’s” in this sentence. Words themselves can conjure sounds and their own sound can be a reminder of a song or singing. Resonance in a poem has a unique quality that can reverberate in the listener’s mind and body. Kim also maintains that “rhythm creates entrainment” and entrainment, in turn, “creates passion and movement” – the whole person synchronizes with the poem’s rhythm.
• Image – can be created by word-pictures, metaphor, exploring ambiguity or opposites, and challenging linearity or expectations. Kim argues that “the body feels the images” – images that create sensations arising from both left-brain and right-brain activation.

While each component of an element (such as repetition, rhyme, or metaphor) can create an effect, it’s the unique combination of elements in a poem that can generate a transformational impact. In a New Dimensions Radio podcast, Kim discusses her concept of the “anatomy of a poem” and describes poetry, in all its many forms, as medicine for the soul.

Reflection: A poem about tennisMy poem below was inspired by Kim’s discussion of the “anatomy of a poem”. In writing the poem I was conscious of the transformative elements that Kim describes. I did not actively try to incorporate all the elements but became aware as I wrote how Kim’s discussion and illustrations were influencing the shape of my poem, For the Love of Tennis:

For the Love of Tennis

I’m grateful to play tennis again

The slice, the serve, the stroke, the sound.

A different goal

Not to win every point

To play with appreciation

And create surprise.

I’m grateful I can run, bend, stretch and strain

So much I’ve taken for granted.

No longer annoyed at my mistakes

Gratitude that I have the chance to make them.

There are many components of the elements that Kim describes incorporated in my poem. What immediately comes to mind is the alliteration achieved through the number of “s” letters/sounds present – slice, serve, stroke, sound, surprise, stretch, strain. The word “sound” has its own resonance and each type of tennis stroke (e.g. slice or serve) conjures up a different sound. The “strokes” together with “run, bend, stretch and strain” evoke images and conjure up a sense of movement.

There are components of challenge as well as surprise in the poem. There are challenges to expectations (to play to win; being grateful for the chance to make mistakes) along with “surprise” that is reinforced by the word itself. The goal of surprise arose from my need to change my own expectations of what I am able to achieve on a tennis court in my late 70’s. To this day I am able to create shots that surprise my partners and/or opponents (e.g., a backhand, half-volley drop shot; a topspin lob from corner to corner; an unplayable backhand slice; or a half-volley, backhand lob) – so this element of surprise is an achievable goal for me (since I have lost a lot of my strength, speed of reflexes and movement around the court). Surprise, too, is present in the sudden change in line length and equally sudden return to a longer line – eliciting the sense of a “drumbeat”.

Permeating the poem is a strong sense of gratitude – that I am able to play tennis again (after a period of rehabilitation); that I have access to a tennis court, social tennis partners and the equipment and funds to play; that I have been coached, had practice partners and played numerous games of tennis with different players; that I can move (run, bend, stretch and strain); that I can play many different tennis shots and associated spins; that I have played tennis on different surfaces and on overseas courts in France, Port Moresby, England and New Zealand. Finally, there is the personal challenge not to take these things for granted.

Tennis to me, like writing poetry, is one of the many ways to grow in mindfulness. Through tennis, I develop my powers of concentration and my gratitude, creativity, resilience and resourcefulness. I also become more able to “be-in-the-moment”.

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Image by Carola68 Die Welt ist bunt…… from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site and the resources to support the blog.

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Recently we lost a long-standing friend with the death of Kay Dickie on 3 August 2023.  My wife and I have known Kay for forty years – from both a work and a personal perspective.  Her career was interlaced with both our work lives during her many interludes in the world of work.  More recently, … Continue reading "Our Friend Kay: A Life of Openness and Curiosity"

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Angela Duckworth, in her book, Grit: Why passion and perseverance are the secrets to success, describes George E. Vaillant, Professor of Psychology (Harvard Medical School), as an exemplar of “grit”.  George was Director of Harvard’s Study of Adult Development for more than 30 years and persisted in data collection and interpretation over those years – … Continue reading "Consolidating a Career:  Establishing a Career Identity"

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Hilary Jacobs Kendel, psychotherapist, author and activist, contends that we learn many things in school that we never use but do not learn about emotions that affect every aspect of our daily lives.  She strongly advocates for education about emotions though her videos, blog posts, presentations, interviews, newspaper articles and clinical practice.  Hilary is the … Continue reading "Changing How We Deal with Emotions"

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Angela Duckworth describes “grit” as the “combination of passion and perseverance”.  According to Angela, high performers are separated from under-performers (as measured against natural talent) because they not only have determination but a direction inspired by a passion.  In her book, Grit: Why passion and persistence are the secrets to success, she provides substantial research … Continue reading "Grit: Realizing our Potential"

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Managers report that many things act as barriers preventing them from listening effectively in the workplace.  Distractions from external sources such as endless emails, busyness at work, noise from “open office environments” and time pressures, are high on the list as impediments.  Managers also identify what can be described as internal barriers to listening – … Continue reading "Deep Listening: A Lost Managerial Art"

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Joan Halifax author, Buddhist teacher, anthropologist and Zen priest has written a profound book on what she calls the “Edge States” – “five internal and interpersonal states” that she maintains are the foundation of compassionate action and living a courageous life.  They are described by her as “Edge States” because they can lead to positive … Continue reading "Living at the Edge: Empathy"

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In the previous post, I wrote about how storytelling helped Tiffany Barton deal with grief and loss on the suicide death of her son, Cosmo.  She talked about her letter and poem, Young Death, that Nick Cave published in his book, Faith, Hope & Carnage.  She expressed gratitude that Nick’s wife, Susie Cave (née Bick), … Continue reading "Dealing with Guilt and Shame on the Death of a Son or Daughter"

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Previously I have written about the power of storytelling to manage grief.  I drew on the writing of Dr. Annie Brewster and Nick Cave.  Annie published her groundbreaking book, The Healing Power of Storytelling, to share her own story and that of others who have experienced loss, trauma or serious chronic illness. In his book, … Continue reading "Dealing with Loss and Grief"

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Dr. Annie Brewster, M.D. describes the power of storytelling for healing and recovery from illness, injury or loss in her book, The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss.   She stresses the need to develop a new “narrative identity” after receiving a life-changing medical diagnosis.  Annie provides an online … Continue reading "Managing Grief through Storytelling"

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Allyson Pimentel, psychologist and meditation practitioner/teacher,  fittingly provides a meditation podcast titled, The Mindfulness Teachings of Tina Turner.   Allyson describes mindfulness as “a way of attending to your life as it unfolds” while bringing to this awareness an attitude of “openness, friendliness, and kindness” without judgment.  Associated with this, is a willingness “to be with … Continue reading "Tina Turner’s Approach to Mindfulness"

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This reflection was stimulated by Haruki Murakami’s book, Novelist As A Vocation, in which he shares his origins as a writer, his approach to writing and some of the challenges he has had to deal with along the way. The ideas he shares resonate strongly with my own experience of writing this blog, even though this is not a novel but a very different writing genre. The fact that the blog involves creativity and the art of writing provides the common ground to explore Murakami’s experience and ideas.

The creative stimulusMurakami begins a novel with a basic story that evolves as he introduces his characters – he explains, “In most cases, the characters who appear in my novels naturally emerge from the flow of my story”. The stimulus for his story is something he has observed happening, specific behaviours of an individual or an incident in his own life. Like Charles Dickens, he is a keen observer of behaviour – he maintains that the stimulus for a story comes from glancing at a person’s appearance, “how they talk and act, their special characteristics”. He notes, too, that it is not enough just to notice people that you like – you also need to notice those you dislike and try to understand why you feel this way about them.

Like Murakami, my stimulus for a blog post is typically an interaction that I have had, a behaviour I have observed in my organisational consulting/manager development work, a current experience that I am having or something I have read or heard. I often draw inspiration for a blog post from listening to a podcast, reading an article, or participating in a Summit or Conference. I typically focus on current issues such as Long Covid, trauma, mental health and working from home – all the time exploring the linkages with mindfulness and mindfulness practices.

The role of characters/ stimulatorsInterestingly, Murakami maintains that he does not start out with a highly developed character or group of characters. He contends that characters emerge as he begins to write and becomes captured by the creative process that he enjoys immensely. He goes so far as to say that “characters take on a life of their own”, even leading the novelist to an “unexpected destination”.

I can relate to these comments about characters by substituting the concept of the “stimulator” – the author, podcaster, interviewee or presenter who stimulates my creative endeavour to write a blog post about their ideas, actions or perspectives. As the blog post emerges through my writing, the line of discussion or argument can take an unexpected turn as I often start out without a firm idea of where a blog post will end up. For example, in my latest blog post I wrote about nurture by nature and stewardship of nature in our immediate environment and ended up where I least expected.

When I started out writing, these two aspects (nurture and stewardship) were discrete elements in my mind and that of the “stimulator”. However, as I progressed with writing the post, I decided to add the ideas of Costa Georgiadis from his book, Costa’s World, as a way of reinforcing the message of the reciprocal relationship with nature – nurture and stewardship. However, through Costa’s influence, I ended up changing my perspective and began to understand that by stewarding nature we are simultaneously opening ourselves up to nurturing by nature (e.g. restoration of peace and calm, stimulation of wonder and awe). I came to understand that nurture and stewardship are not necessarily discrete activities (although they may be in certain circumstances). Costa’s World is the bible for my current composting and gardening activities.

Drawing on stored memoriesMurakami states that the characters he employs in his novel are not real people (and definitely not himself) but represent an amalgam of characters drawn from stored memories of people, experiences and places. He weaves elements of different people into any one character to give them life and meaning in the context of what he is writing about. He may draw directly on his own experience relevant to the topic but it is often well disguised.

When I write a blog post, I draw on my stored memory of what I have written previously (not just my current blog) and books/novels/memoirs I have read that reinforce some aspect of what I am writing about (or, alternatively that put forward a contrary view). The blog post then tends to take on a life of its own and can arrive at a different place to what I intended at the outset. Sometimes I will even incorporate poetry or songs (especially mantra meditations) if they add to, or reinforce, the overall message – there are many occasions, synchronistically, where a song I am listening to reinforces where I am up to in writing a blog post (I typically listen to mantra meditations as I write). Examples of this are Alexa Chellun’s Healing Song and Metamorphosis by Lulu & Mischka.

Criticism and complimentsMurakami discusses one lesson that he has learnt as a professional writer – no matter what he writes or how long it is, someone will criticise his work. He concluded that it was best to ignore these adverse comments and just “write what I want to write, in the way I want to write it”. I can concur in this view because there is no way that you can please everyone. This approach creates a unique sense of freedom (unlike the constrictions of academic writing!).

Murakami also noted that “people of different age groups” seem to be reading his novels – e.g. parents encourage children to read his books (or vice versa). Compliments from people acknowledge the difference that his writing has made in their lives and hearing these comments “really cheers him up”. I too really appreciate the compliment when people comment positively on my blog posts and/or seek a link to what they are working on that is relevant to the topic of my post.

Gestation and the creative processMurakami adopts the discipline of daily writing because this enables creativity to flow. He also employs a daily fitness routine which includes running (and sometimes marathons) – he maintains that you have to be fit to write for extended periods and physical activity stimulates the brain.

Gestation for my blog posts begins with reading (e.g. Tina Turner’s book), listening to a podcast (e.g. Life Through Transitions by Jon DeWaal) or watching a video (e.g. the video interview with Susan Bolt). I usually take notes and record any connections with something else I have written or remember – this enables me to expand my thinking beyond the original stimulus (and the stimulator’s perspective). Typically, I will let my subconscious mind work on the topic overnight and begin afresh the next morning (being a “morning person”, I write best in the early mornings). I find that this gestation process usually leads to the emergence of a structure for my blog post and unearthing of connections that I had not previously thought of – these connections become “top-of-mind” rather than staying submerged. I also try to keep fit through walking, Tai Chi and physical exercises designed to redress my spinal degeneration.

ReflectionMurakami maintains that each person has to find their own style of writing, whether they are writing a novel, an essay or a short story. The same is true of writing a blog – the writer’s life experience and perspectives, as well as the focus of the blog, influence the nature and structure of the writing process.

As I reflect on my life and my reading/listening/viewing, I am able to grow in mindfulness. Like Murakami, I can attain a deeper level of self-awareness and new perspectives while enhancing my capacity to think and write. Examples of my growing sense of self-awareness include my discussion of resentment and blind spots.

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Image by Cindy Lever from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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In the recent Nature Summit, Roshi Joan Halifax –writer, teacher, artist and activist – stressed the need for a reciprocal relationship with nature.  She suggests that too often mindfulness practitioners focus only on the nurture that they can obtain from nature but overlook the “imperative to steward where we are’ – to look after, and … Continue reading "Developing a Reciprocal Relationship with Nature – Nurture and Stewardship"

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In a previous post I explored the use of storytelling as a way to manage life transitions. In this post I want to discuss a story of personal transition shared by Peggy Farah, mindfulness teacher and licensed physiotherapist. Peggy was interviewed by Jon Waal on his Life Through Transitions podcast (Episode 48). Her focus in the interview is tuning into your body using mindfulness as a way to manage life transitions. She initially started her more than 20 years working with emotional and mental health by supporting children and youth who were dealing with grief, loss or critical illness – all extreme life transitions that are described by Bruce Feiler as “lifequakes”.

Beneath Peggy’s competence as a therapist was a private struggle with “body image” – she was disgusted with her body (despite dieting) and had a “difficult relationship with food”. It was as if she disowned her body and continuously retreated into her thoughts, becoming lost in cognitive processes – avoiding having to confront her challenging relationship with her body. It was during her Masters study of Psychotherapy and Spirituality that she was able to use mindfulness to “reclaim her body”.

As part of her postgraduate studies, Peggy had explored the concept of “presence” and discovered the merits of Eastern religions, especially Buddhism. She was also introduced to the numerous documented benefits of mindfulness which she describes as “deep noticing” in a way that is non-judgmental. This opened up the possibility of overcoming her own negative self-evaluation and time spent in her “monkey brain” – in Buddhist philosophy, the concept of “monkey mind” relates to restlessness, disorder and lack of control.

Mindfulness to manage transitionsFrom her reading, Peggy came to understand that mindfulness could provide her with an “emotional breather”, could actually enable her to “press pause” in her debilitating negative thinking pattern. She decided to re-focus her Masters thesis on herself undertaking a heuristic study (where she was both the researcher and subject of her research). Her aim was to apply the principles of mindfulness and presence to her negative relationship with her own body and food so that she could gain “self-acceptance” – a fundamental outcome of mindfulness.

Interestingly, Peggy’s route to mindfulness was through her body – being present in the moment through her body (our body is always in the moment, in the “here and now” – it’s our minds that persist in exploring the past or the future). She was able to become grounded by focusing on her feet on the floor, her body on the chair, and getting in touch with the physical sensations of her body (a process that involves a “body scan”). She adopted “mindful eating” practices – the opposite to her previous behaviour. She expanded her mindfulness practices to daily observation and journalling and engaging in “micro-practices”. She became aware that the more you practise mindfulness, the more often “spontaneous mindfulness’ occurs in your daily life – you suddenly feel more present in everyday events, such as when observing a flower or leaf.

As she continued her mindfulness practise and her Master’s research on what was happening for her, she began to experience the documented benefits of mindfulness – increased joy and compassion, greater awareness (of self, others and nature), and “deepened relationships”. She changed from being a “wound-up” Type A senior manager caught up in endless daily tasks to someone who became “anchored in the moment”. She was able to spontaneously appreciate the shape and beauty of a leaf, to achieve real “presence” when doing yoga, and be really present to her family at the dinner table. Previously, yoga became a catalyst for negative self-comparison – comparing her body to that of others participating in practice on the mat.

Penny graduated with her Master’s degree in 2012 and it was not long after this achievement that she moved into her private psychotherapy practice, where, among other services she shares her own experience and learning to enable clients to heal their relationship with their body and food (thus overcoming “emotional and binge eating, chronic dieting, negative body image”). Peggy also offers anyone a free 12-session, self-help course that she describes as the Deeper Cravings Path – a path to achieving a “true connection with your body and develop a peaceful relationship with food”.

ReflectionPeggy has achieved a number of significant life transitions including moving from a person who disowned her own body (despite externally recognised therapeutic competence) to “body reclamation” and self-acceptance; from an overworked and highly stressed senior manager to a calming influence in her private practice helping others achieve creative life transitions. Peggy now sees her body as “an avenue to return to myself”. She is living evidence of the transformative effect of mindfulness practice.

Peggy asserts that her achievements to date do not mean that she no longer encounters personal challenges or that she will be free from “lifequakes” in the future. What it does mean is that she now has the ability to drop into her body when feeling stressed and to take an “emotional breather” and “press pause” in her negative thinking pattern. Her interviewer, Jon De Waal, reminds us that “every thought we have carries an emotional charge”. Thus mindfulness practice by suspending or reducing our thinking provides us with a refuge from life’s challenges.

In my current life transition from a competent and active tennis player to a person in rehabilitation for spinal degeneration, I can take inspiration from Peggy’s journey and storytelling. As I grow in mindfulness, I can experience gratitude for the many positives in my life, persist in the process of rehabilitation and creatively develop a new identity and life story.

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Image by smellypumpy from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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Many writers and podcasters highlight the challenges involved in life transitions. Some focus on specific transitions such as aging, menopause for women, or transitions precipitated by organisational change. Their discussions frequently highlight the need to reframe specific transitions such as aging or job loss as periods of growth and creativity rather than decline – this means changing our mindset and our narrative about these transitional periods. As William and Susan Bridges point out in their book, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, many people become stuck in the “endings” phase of transitions because they focus solely on what is being lost, rather than appreciating the potentiality of “new beginnings”.

Bruce Feiler, in his TED Talk©, The Secret to Mastering Life’s Transitions, contends that one of the core problems people have in managing life’s transitions is that they have a linear mindset, a perception that life is always “onwards and upwards” with a predictable forward-moving pattern – schooling, job, home purchase, marriage, and children, and career promotion. We are thus ill-prepared for “setbacks” or deviations that occur through job loss, ill-health, loss of a partner, or physical disability. Bruce, who was diagnosed with cancer when he was a new father of twin girls, suggests that when we are “side-tracked” or things go “offtrack”, we can feel as though we are “living life out of order” – living a life that is totally unexpected. In his TED Talk© and his book, Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at any Age, Bruce maintains that life is a series of “disruptors” and some of these are “lifequakes” that involve massive change and demand managing the transition to a new state.

The role of storytelling in managing life transitionsBruce, along with many other writers, podcasters and public speakers, offers tips for managing life transitions that we encounter. He maintains that a key to transition is to explore our “life story” – this is the narrative we create about our own life. The solution to mastering transitions is often in our own narrative – false assumptions, self-deceits, delusions or denials (e.g. “it can’t happen to me”!). Bruce maintains that a life transition, especially a “lifequake”, is an invitation to “revisit, rewrite and retell our life story”. He offers a catalyst for this process through his Life Story Online Interview which provides an interactive form for reflection on, and recording of, our personal narrative. Bruce’s insights on life transitions have been gained through his own life experiences as well as through over 1,000 interviews with people about their life story.

Jon DeWaal, in his TED Talk©, Two Factors that Make or Break Every Messy Life Transition, stresses the need, when exploring our life story and the associated narrative, to adopt two practices to ensure that the exploration leads to a constructive outcome. Firstly, he contends that we need to be honest with ourselves – to own up to our own part in contributing to our side track or offtrack experience. This requires deep reflection, total honesty, self-awareness and avoidance of the tendency to blame others rather than look at ourselves. Associated with this is what he calls “community support” – not the gentle, warm kind that confirms our invalid self-assessment, but the kind that offers “supportive challenge” which makes us confront our weaknesses, unfounded assumptions or persistent mistakes/oversight. Jon is a learning facilitator and life transition guide at Liminal Space – a team of transition experts who can help us grow and thrive through difficult transitions. Jon is also the creator of the podcast, Life Through Transitions, drawing ideas and inspiration from interviewees who have been able to make life’s “formative transitions” into opportunities for personal transformation.

Dr. Annie Brewster, MD, and journalist Rachel Zimmerman, in their book, The Healing Power of Storytelling, focus on the personal narrative as a way to “navigate illness, trauma and loss”. Annie shares her own life experiences and transitions and, together with her co-author, offers specific guidance in the process of using storytelling for healing. She is also the founder of the Healing Story Collaborative which provides shared stories and resources through a collaborative blog – processes that are open to anyone to engage with personal storytelling for the purpose of healing.

ReflectionWe are continuously controlled by the narrative in our head and this is particularly true in times of significant life transitions. We can become embroiled in negative self-stories, get stuck in the endings phase or be blind to the creative options open to us in a life transition. We need to break this destructive cycle especially when confronted with what Bruce describes as a “lifequake”.

Using reflective storytelling, meditation and other related practices enables us to grow in mindfulness and can help us to increase our self-awareness and insight, to have the courage to move beyond our “comfort zone” and to creatively explore options to manage difficult life transitions and move forward to a new personal identity and reality.

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Allyson Pimentel recently facilitated a guided meditation podcast on the theme, Mindfulness and Feeling Free – one of the many weekly Hammer meditations offered through MARC. Allyson is a very experienced meditation teacher and is highly qualified in Human Development and Psychology. Her interests include helping people to achieve positive mental health and social justice activism.

Allyson explains at the outset that mindfulness involves paying attention purposefully on the present moment (not on the future or the past as these can lead to anxiety or depression). This paying attention is done with kindness towards ourselves and others and with an openness that enables us to accept what is, while having the courage and compassion to address toxic situations.

Allyson reminds us that mindfulness now represents the intersection of ancient traditions (such as Buddhism) with the new (e.g. neuroscience investigations such as those undertaken by MARC, the Mindful Awareness Research Center). These two macro streams of thinking and practice have merged to enable us to explore our inner landscape, improve our quality of life and assist us to show up in our life and our everyday context.

Achieving freedom through mindfulnessAllyson contends that mindfulness can liberate us from ways of seeing the world, ourselves and others that are self-limiting and potentially injurious. Our reality is very much influenced by our thoughts which can constrain us and leave us stuck in habituated patterns of behaviour. We can become immersed in negative thoughts and be captured by the “inner critic” that devalues who we are and what we have achieved.

Through mindfulness we can increase our awareness of negative and disabling self-beliefs and free ourselves from the chains of “victimhood”. As Dr. Edith Eger points out, we can choose freedom over victimhood. Mindfulness enables us to become aware of how our victim mentality is shaping our worldview, our interpersonal relationships and our mental health. Increasingly, research into the benefits of mindfulness reinforce the view that gratitude, savouring what we are and have through mindful awareness, can serve as an antidote to negativity and challenging emotions such as anger, resentment and envy.

Guided meditationIn guiding our approach to developing freedom through mindfulness, Allyson suggests that we identify a firmly held belief that is holding us back (it does not have to be something of massive import, but a simple belief that negatively impacts in some way where we are at in this moment). She leads us through a meditation process that enables us to identify the way this belief constrains our view of ourselves, our interactions with others and our options for addressing our current dissatisfaction, delusion or distress.

During the meditation, I found that I wanted to focus on my recurring belief that my recently diagnosed “multi-level spinal degeneration” cannot be redressed thus impacting my willingness to undertake a range of healing modalities. Associated with this is the belief that I will never be able play tennis again, despite assurances to the contrary from a number of my healing practitioners. The guided meditation helped me to restore my belief in the body’s capacity to heal itself and to strengthen my motivation to earnestly undertake a range of alternative healing modalities that have proven successful in the past in reversing the disabling impact of spinal degeneration.

ReflectionIn introducing her guided meditation, Allyson reminds us that as we grow in mindfulness we are building our resilience and renewing our commitment to persist with mindfulness practices (a commitment that works very much through the power of the psychological principle of “self-efficacy”).

Resilience is important when we encounter challenging situations that stretch our capacity to deal with the potentially negative outcomes of the situation. Mindfulness helps us to change our perspective on obstacles to personal growth and health and to view them as a means to grow in insight and wisdom. Allyson quotes the following saying that invites us to view our everyday experiences as opportunities for growth:

“Grow through what we go through.”

Mindfulness practices deepen our self-awareness, enhance our curiosity about ourselves and others, opens up the window of opportunity, heightens our ability to shape our intentions and strengthens our resolve to make a difference in our own lives and that of others.

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I mentioned in a previous post that I had thought initially that the peripheral neuropathy that I was experiencing was a symptom of Long Covid. However, as explained in a previous post, I had discovered on investigation with my doctor that there was a structural explanation for these symptoms. In that post, I encouraged persistent exploration of symptoms with our medical practitioner because our assumptions about symptoms may be misleading.

Self-Care in the face of disinterest or denialOne of the problems in discussing Long Covid with doctors is that there is no general agreement amongst medical practitioners as to what constitutes this condition (or even that the condition exists at all) yet doctors readily accept “fibromyalgia” as a condition. Fibromyalgia, like Long Covid, involves a set of symptoms such as muscular pain, cognitive disturbance and fatigue and, in common with Long Covid, symptoms vary with each individual. In one sense, today’s patient experience with Long Covid diagnosis and treatment is similar to the experience of Lyme Disease sufferers who are faced with ignorance or denial. This experience is eloquently described in case studies by Allie Cashel in her book, Suffering in Silence: Chronic Lyme Disease in the Age of Denial.

In her book, Allie also recounts her own experience with Lyme Disease and other chronic conditions. She strongly encourages patients experiencing any form of chronic illness that is typically denied by the medical profession to persist in sharing our symptoms with our doctor until we achieve a satisfactory outcome in terms of adequate diagnosis and effective treatment options. Interestingly, she also shares her story and advice in one of the “stories shared for health” on the Healing Story Collaborative platform. Her storytelling, which includes practical hints on how to approach your doctor with difficult symptoms, is presented in her recorded conversation with Val Walker, Being Fair Reporters: Self-advocating about Chronic Illnesses with Doctors. Sometimes, self-care may require finding a medical practitioner who really listens and demonstrates that they do the necessary medical research and are across chronic health conditions such as Long Covid.

Reflection – my story to datePreviously, I discussed healing through storytelling as a way forward to recovery from chronic illness or disability. This is in addition to qualified medical treatment that may take the form of medication and/or physical intervention. As identified earlier, the problem with chronic illnesses such as Long Covid is that they contribute to a sense of isolation and can lead to depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. Suzy Bolt’s Programme, Rest, Relax, Recover, addresses the emotional and psychological aspects by providing social support and healing modalities such as mindfulness practices, breathing techniques and group discussion. In line with the healing power of storytelling, I am continuing my own story of exploration of my chronic symptoms such as peripheral neuropathy.

When searching for a medical practitioner who could help me diagnose my symptoms and suggest appropriate treatment, I came across a local doctor, David Eaton, who has dual qualifications as a General Practitioner and as an Occupational and Environmental Physician. The breadth of his qualifications was a clue for me in terms of his willingness to explore complex, chronic symptoms and openness to the potential influence of Long Covid. I have since discovered that he has several special interests that are relevant to my situation:

• Musculoskeletal medicine, physical impacts of ageing and sports injuries
• Skin conditions
• Diagnosing and managing chronic and complex medical conditions.

David initiated a comprehensive investigation of my symptoms including blood tests. Through David (via X-Ray and CT scan) I acknowledged a structural explanation of my ongoing experience of peripheral neuropathy in the form of spinal degeneration (including spinal stenosis and arthritis).

The diagnosis of my symptoms is ongoing. Compounding my current health situation is a group of symptoms that I have assumed are a consequence of Long Covid. Gez Medinger in his Long Covid Handbook identifies three sets of Long Covid symptoms experienced by people categorised as experiencing mild disease but not hospitalised when suffering Covid initially (my experience as well). The three sets of Long Covid symptoms that Gez identifies can be categorised loosely as: (1) increased intolerance to foods, (2) cognitive and physical exhaustion (including brain fog), and (3) increased heart rate (palpitations) and associated health issues. I still experience unexplained symptoms of post-exertion malaise (Category 2) and increased intolerance of certain foods (Category 1 – what was previously experienced as “food sensitivity” is now being experienced as “food allergy” with the attendant aggravation of symptoms (changing from mild to severe).

David was aware that research has supported the observation that Long Covid can increase intolerance to specific foods. He has also demonstrated that he is continuing to research the emerging literature on Long Covid – a criterion that is very welcome when seeking medical assistance with chronic and complex health conditions in our pandemic era. David also reinforced the three elements of the health triangle – physical, psychological and social – and their interdependence.

Unfortunately, many patients experience an unwillingness of their doctor to acknowledge the existence of Long Covid or to make the effort to explore the growing research and anecdotal evidence of its existence and pervasive health impacts.

As I grow in mindfulness through mindfulness practices and reflection, I can continue to challenge my assumptions, gain increased insight into my habitual behaviours, adopt appropriate self-care techniques and move to develop a new personal narrative that reflects my current situation of chronic disability. In the process, I hope to gain the acceptance that Alexia Chellun describes in her song Allowing:

I’m allowing everything to just be As it comes to me

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A challenging medical diagnosis can turn your life upside down, make you question your self-image and increase feelings of isolation, particularly if it prevents you from actively engaging with your social or sporting network. Dr. Annie Brewster M.D., who experienced these challenges when she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2001, found that medical practitioners lacked understanding and compassion for her situation – they were ill-equipped to help her deal with the internal fallout that accompanies a chronic illness diagnosis. Annie is now Assistant Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School while actively engaged as a practicing physician in Boston at the Massachusetts General Hospital.

Annie, who had been quite athletic, found that her sense of identity was challenged by her diagnosis. She discovered that by storytelling – writing her own story addressing her identity confusion, accompanying anxiety and resultant trauma – she was able to move towards recovery reframing her identity, restoring her own power in the healing process and building resilience to handle uncertainty and fear. She recounts her story, and offers storytelling techniques with co-storyteller and journalist Rachel Zimmerman, in their book, The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss.

Healing through storytellingThrough her book, Annie helps chronic sufferers to process their challenging emotions, create their own healing story, reframe their identity narrative and reconnect with people close to them as well as the wider supportive community. She encourages us to utilise whatever medium we are comfortable with – whether art, music audio, video or writing – to share our healing journey and accompanying story. The techniques she and Rachel offer can help us in that process.

Inspired by her own positive experience of healing through storytelling, Annie created the Health Story Collaborative which acts as a platform for people to share their stories of health challenges and recovery. The Collaborative offers a medium for overcoming the isolation of chronic illness and is “patient-centered and research based”, drawing on the research providing evidence of the therapeutic power of storytelling. The Health Story Collaborative enables people to share their stories of illness and healing and offers multiple modes for doing so. There are videotaped Healing Stories Sessions (accessible to anyone), as well as Audio Stories (available for public consumption).You are encouraged to share your story of illness and recovery and the options also include music, art, poems, written stories or alternative media. Some of the more helpful stories are featured on the collaborative blog.

Storytelling about my own diagnosis of a chronic disabilityI have recently started writing my memoir, inspired by Jeff Brown’s online course, Writing Your Way Home. One of my motivations has been the opportunity provided by storytelling to work through my personal experience of trauma. Almost simultaneously, I have received a diagnosis of spinal degeneration resulting from “wear and tear” over my 76+ years. A contributing factor was a serious car accident when I was 12 years old, with the undiagnosed injury aggravated by playing competitive and social tennis over 65 years.

I am now confronted by the challenge of rehabilitation and the loss of my capacity to play tennis, cutting me off from the game I love and my social tennis network (one of my few social activities). I can relate especially to what Annie calls the need to “integrate a traumatic health event into a new and evolving identity”. I have to reframe my identity from my self-image of a fit, competent tennis player, which has been an integral part of my life to date.

ReflectionAsh Barty has provided me with inspiration and encouragement through her own life story. She has also made me realise again why I loved the game of tennis. I’ve been reading Ash’s memoir, My Dreamtime – A Memoir of Tennis and Teamwork, which could alternatively be called Developing Resilience through Adversity (as she documents her multiple injuries, mental health challenges and recovery strategies). Ash, the smiling assassin, who achieved World Number 1 WTA singles ranking for 114 weeks, shares openly her battle with negative self-messages, including the inexplicable negative self-talk about “not being good enough”.

I can relate deeply to what Ash describes as the pleasure she developed in playing tennis – enjoying the game for its own sake and finding “love in the marriage of movement and timing and speed and strength and guile and nerve” (the willingness “to go for your shots”). I found sheer enjoyment in my competence at tennis and my ability, even in my seventies, to surprise my opponents with unpredictable shots (such as a backhand half volley drop shot, a shot down the line or a half volley backhand lob). I would often mentally record the competent shots that I played and still to this day can replay some of them mentally as if on videotape. I undertook this process of recall and replay of my best tennis shots to build my sense of self-efficacy in playing tennis.

It is interesting that Ash talks about her slice backhand as her competitive advantage. In her words, the slice backhand produces “ an unpredictable low bounce” and is created by hitting the ball “with enough angle and speed to generate a fade”. Ash, through her slice, changed women’s tennis game at the elite level. In the mid 1970’s, I used to employ a slice backhand as my main attacking shot when playing competitive tennis … and I would follow it in to the net to complete an attacking volley as my opponent would have to hit the ball up to clear the net. However, over time while playing social tennis, after my competitive tennis days were over, I stopped using my slice backhand – for unknown reasons at the time. On reflection, I discovered that what had got in the way of my using this particular shot was a form of cognitive blind spot – I had unconsciously begun to view it as “not a real shot”. Ash’s resurrection of the slice in women’s tennis made me realise that I had unwittingly discontinued a shot that gave me a competitive advantage.

Ash at one stage in her book talks about “acceptance” – everyone is imperfect and “we’re all unique, all fallible and all with our own foibles”. It is the nature of being human that we are prone to making mistakes and subject to life-changing mental and physical challenges. We need to acknowledge the fragility of the human condition, accept what we can’t control, and act on what we can change for the better. Mindfulness can help us to develop resilience in personally challenging times.

As I grow in mindfulness through reflection, meditation, writing and storytelling, I hope to develop a new narrative about my evolving identity, grow in self-awareness, and strengthen my courage to undertake the necessary, ongoing rehabilitation. Life’s challenges can “make or break us” – mindfulness can help us to remain grounded, develop resilience and explore creative options.

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Alex Howard recently provided a five-part series titled Decode Your Trauma which is designed as an introduction to his groundbreaking online coaching approach incorporated in the RESET Program. He also provides a free three-part video series to help people to reset their nervous system after the experience of trauma.

Alex is a world-renowned health specialist noted for his work in integrative medicine, his therapeutic work and his entrepreneurial projects. He has created a real life YouTube Series, In Therapy with Alex Howard, where your are able to join him as he works with patients in therapy sessions. Alex is also the Founder and Creator of The Optimum Health Clinic (OHC) – an integrative medicine clinic providing support to patients in more than fifty countries, especially those suffering from “fatigue-related conditions”.

The principles and practices of the Optimum Health Clinic – incorporating approaches such as mindfulness, developmental psychology and NLP – have been encapsulated in a Therapeutic Coaching Program led by Alex. It draws on the extensive experience and research of the OHC practitioners who have worked with thousands of patients.

Alex has also established Conscious Life – an online video platform designed to help people unlock their potential through courses, workshops and interviews with the world’s leading health and wellness experts. Through Conscious Life, Alex has hosted two of the world’s leading online conferences, the Fatigue Super Conference and the Trauma & Mind Body Super Conference.

The ECHO Model of TraumaIn his video presentations Alex describes his ECHO model of trauma which has four components (the name reflects the fact that experienced trauma has its echo in our day-to-day lives):

• Events – these are the significant life events that created a trauma response in our mind and body. They can be quite overt such as the categories of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) – “abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction”. Alternatively, the traumatising events can be more covert and subtle such as disrespect of your heritage or where significant others disown your lineage (a situation that Ash Barty describes in her memoir, My Dream Time – A Memoir of Tennis & Teamwork). Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey put the spotlight on the traumatic events in our life when they ask, “What Happened to You?”
• Context – Alex described “context” in terms of whether our three core emotional needs were met or went unmet. He describes these as a need for boundaries, safety and love. In the absence of boundaries in our early childhood we can suffer from the “need to please” – where we can’t say “yes” or “no” appropriately and where we make our own needs subservient to the needs of others. Where a sense of safety was missing owing to a violent or turbulent/unpredictable home environment, we can find that we have difficulty in self-regulating. Where love was missing – reflected in aspects of our early home life such as the lack of presence, interest, nurturing, respect and/or care – we can feel we need to overcompensate to earn love (to always achieve or accomplish something visible and significant). Bruce and Oprah explore these emotionally deficient contexts by asking, “What didn’t happen for you?”.
• Homeostatic Shift – “homeostasis” in this context refers to the human capacity to maintain equilibrium in the face of an external, fluctuating environment. Alex highlights the fact that both the physical body and emotional body are constantly seeking to maintain a “stable internal environment”. However, trauma can upset our internal balance and lead to emotional dysregulation. This can be reflected in maladaptive stress responses or what Bruce Perry describes as a “sensitised stress response”. Alex draws on the Polyvagal Theory of Dr. Stephen Porges to highlight potential maladaptive responses in the form of “fight/flight” or “freeze” responses. He indicates that “to switch off the maladaptive stress response we have to get the nervous system back to safe and social” – described by Stephen Porges as the “ventral vagal” state involving social connection, openness, and groundedness. Bessel Van Der Kolk describes the “homeostatic shift” in terms of the “visceral imprint” resulting from traumatic experiences.
• Outcome – the outcomes from traumatic events and the resulting disequilibrium can take many forms – dysfunctional communication and relationships, anxiety and depression, addiction, sleep deprivation, mood swings and various physical health issues. Negative self-stories and a distorted worldview can underlie addictive behaviour and other maladaptive stress responses.

The RESET ProgramAlex developed the RESET Program after more than 20 years of therapeutic experience working with traumatised people. The Reset Model involves recognising our mind-body disequilibrium, exploring how this is being created, stopping thoughts that are harmful and replacing them with positive energising thoughts, facing up to challenging emotions to heal from them, and transforming our relationship to ourselves (both mind and body). The program employs multiple healing modalities including mindfulness, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), somatic experiencing and the S.T.O.P. process. In the final analysis, the Reset Program is a pathway to achieving what Stephen Porges described as the “safe and social” stress response.

ReflectionI can relate strongly to Alex’s ECHO Model of trauma, having experienced multiple traumatic events in my early childhood and adult life. My early childhood context involved “household dysfunction” as well as separation anxiety. I feel that at times I have over-compensated for the absence of love in periods of my early life and engaged in other maladaptive stress responses. I discussed some aspects of my early childhood trauma in an earlier blog post, Reflections on Personal Trauma.

I have progressively drawn on mindfulness practices such as meditation and Tai Chi to regain my equilibrium and build emotional resilience. As I grow in mindfulness, I am increasing my self-awareness, understanding my habituated responses, improving my emotional regulation and learning to deepen my relationships.

I found Alex’s five-part Decode Your Trauma series enlightening, thought-provoking and energising. He draws on his personal experience of trauma as well therapeutic experience of helping numerous people heal from trauma. His sincerity and keenness to help are manifested through his presentation style and his sustained efforts to explain complex concepts in simple terms. The free, three-part video presentation on his website is well worth viewing as an aid to self-reflection.

Alex is also the author of the recent book, Decode Your Fatigue: A Clinically Proven 12-Step Plan to Increase Your Energy, Heal Your Body and Transform Your Life.

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We make assumptions about many aspects of our lives, including about the motivations of others when they do something that has an adverse effect on us – but more often than not our assumptions are wrong. In this era of Long Covid, it is easy to assume that we suffer from this condition, particularly if we are experiencing multiple symptoms that persist months after a Covid infection. The Mayo Clinic, for instance, identifies a wide range of symptoms that could be attributed to Long Covid. They suggest that seeing a medical practitioner in the first instance is important to ensure that we eliminate other possible explanations of our symptoms. They also provide suggestions about what information to record about our symptoms before we visit the medical practitioner.

I have been experiencing peripheral neuropathy (pain in my ankles and numbness in my feet) for some time after an earlier Covid infection. When I listened to Gez Medinger, co-author of the Long Covid Handbook, during the Long Haul & CFS Summit, I began to attribute all my symptoms to Long Covid. Gez had outlined a range of Long Covid symptoms that aligned with what I was experiencing. However, having done more research about peripheral neuropathy, especially listening to the video podcast of Dr. Shanna Patterson, a leading neurologist, I was keen to explore my symptoms further. Shanna explained that there were potentially multiple causes for neuropathy, including structural issues.

Investigating peripheral neuropathy – an on-going symptomI undertook an X-Ray through a referral by my medical practitioner and discovered that I did have a structural problem in my lumbar spine – degeneration of several discs and potential spinal stenosis. The structural problems in my spine more likely began at age 12 when I was involved in a serious car accident (before seat belts were available) – our family car rolled multiple times after being hit in the side by another car and then went over a 3 metre embankment, landing on its hood.

From what I have read, tennis (especially the service action) can aggravate spinal injuries. This was made patently obvious to me in 1997 when a disc in my lower back collapsed, leaving me with severe sciatica for 18 months (finally rectified through multiple natural health modalities such as osteopathy, physiotherapy and hydrotherapy). I was able to resume playing tennis after these lengthy treatments once I adopted some modifications to my tennis game (especially my serve).

However, now the wear and tear on my spine is so severe that I am unlikely to be able to play tennis again without causing further irreparable damage. Despite this loss of my favourite sport, I am grateful that I took my doctor’s advice and that of experts like Shanna, and investigated my peripheral neuropathy, rather than just assuming these particular symptoms were caused by nerve damage as a result of Long Covid (even though this could be a contributor).

ReflectionI have not fully comprehended what it means for me to give up playing tennis which has been so much a part of my life for over 60 years. Tennis has been my escape from the pressures of daily life and a means of developing mindfulness and the associated competencies of paying attention, being in the present moment and visualisation. Tennis has been a catalyst for savouring my competence and accomplishments. It has also facilitated reflection on my blind spots and managing mistakes.

To manage this current challenge to “letting go” of my self-image as a fit and competent tennis player, I will have to turn to my mindfulness practice. As Frank Ostaseski reminds us in his book, The Five Invitations, that in the face of loss and grief, we have to let go of the identities that we have become attached to. He emphasises the preciousness of life and the impermanence of everything.

As I grow in mindfulness through my daily practices, I hope to readily accept the loss of my capacity to play tennis, let go of my related identity, redefine who I am, accept the impermanence of everything and learn to savour the preciousness of life.

Alexia Chellun in her song Surrender also encourages us to “let go” and surrender our fear while opening up to harmony and our higher being.

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Gez Medinger, creator of more than 90 video interview podcasts on Long Covid, strongly recommends visiting your medical practitioner if you have symptoms related to this emerging illness. He also suggests that any medication should be supplemented by whatever way you find useful to calm your autonomous nervous system. He argues that there is no recovery from Long Covid without calming the mind and body because the illness is a form of inflammation affecting multiple parts of our human makeup (as reflected in the more than 200 systems identified as being associated with Long Covid). The illness creates pain because of over-activation of nerves in multiple parts of the body (the body goes into a fight/flight response). Dr. Deepak Ravindran, pain management expert and Head of a Long Covid Clinic, encourages the use of gentle mind/body practices such as Tai Chi to aid the management of pain and overall recovery.

After interviewing yoga teacher Suzy Bolt in one of his podcast interviews, Gez strongly advocates her course, Rest, Repair, Recover Programme, as a pathway to recovery from Long Covid. Suzy’s Programme incorporates yoga, breath techniques, meditation and other mindfulness practices. She also provides a community of people who are currently experiencing Long Covid or have recovered from it and who readily provide supportive relationships by sharing their own experience of what works for them and offering encouragement and inspiration. The three different levels within the Programme cater for everyone, irrespective of their physical limitations or mobility issues.

Evidence of the effectiveness of the Rest, Relax, Recover Programme (incorporating mindfulness)Of particular note, is Suzy’s interview with a course participant Joe Iddison and world famous cardiologist, Dr. Boon Lim. In the video interview, Joe talks about his recovery journey from Long Covid with the aid of Suzy’s Programme and Boon’s medical advice. Joe had experienced multiple Long Covid symptoms including PoTS, brain fog, fatigue and insomnia. Boon recommended Suzy’s Programme because of the many reports he had been receiving from his patients who had recovered from Long Covid with the aid of medication and the Programme. He indicated that he meditated a number of times each day in his busy cardiac practice.

Suzy herself had recovered from extreme symptoms of Long Covid and her capacity to launch and manage her Programmes with the aid of other professionals, bears witness to the power of her approach. She stressed the value of her Programme in helping people deal not only with the physical side of the condition but also the mental and emotional side. Long Covid can negatively impact your role, self-identity, work and home activities (including caring for children) – some people, for example, are so ill that they cannot get out of bed (and you can see them participating in Suzy’s Programme from their bed). People, too, experience fear and anxiety as a result of the uncertainty and lack of understanding of the illness (from doctors, family, bosses, colleagues and friends). Mindfulness has been shown to help people manage their anxiety.

While participating in the Programme in real time is desirable for the community connection, the Programme’s effectiveness can also be realised through accessing the resources provided after the activities have been completed live. Suzy offers an on-demand version of the Programme, at a reduced rate, for people who cannot attend live because of family or work commitments or time differences (the Programme is offered according to the UK time zone). Joe attests to the effectiveness of the on-demand Programme because that is the version he used for his recovery from extreme Long Covid symptoms. He indicated in the interview mentioned above that he undertook one activity per day drawing on the Programme’s resources (e.g., yoga, breathing techniques, meditation or listening to the group discussion).

Developing a positive mindsetA key element in the Suzy’s Rest, Relax, Recover Programme is the power to create hope in participants. This is generated through Suzy’s positivity, the community support and the video testimonials and education provided by participants and medical practitioners. A key element in recovery from Long Covid is a positive mindset because this determines whether or not you will make the necessary adjustments to your lifestyle to aid recovery. Debbie Geraghty, for example, shares her recovery story and emphasises the importance of being positive and tapping into something that you love such as dance, creativity, and/or connection.

Deepak Ravindran, Long Covid and pain management expert mentioned earlier, has written a book, The Pain-Free Mindset: 7 Steps to Taking Control and Overcoming Chronic Pain, which is available in Paperback or as an e-book. Deepak also mentioned in the interview with Suzy that he has obtained funding to support his patients to be able to do seated Tai Chi.

ReflectionThe inability of many doctors to understand the nature and complexity of Long Covid has left their patients confused and uncertain. Gez Medinger commented during the Long Haul & CFS Summit that the specialization of medicine has contributed to this. He stated that many medical practitioners are “inadequately equipped” to take on Long Covid because it is a “multi-system, multi-factorial, multi-organ” condition. Too often, a medical practitioner will focus on a particular symptom that they know how to address but fail to identify the root cause of the overall debilitating condition. There are clearly exceptions to this, including Dr. Deepak Ravindran and Dr. Boon Lim.

It is important, however, to establish whether other factors (such as nutrient deficiency, undiagnosed cardiac illness or structural problems) are causing and/or contributing to our emerging symptoms. Leading neurologist, Dr. Shanna Patterson, in a video interview podcast for the Foundation for Peripheral Neuropathy, emphasised that scientists are reluctant to attribute peripheral neuropathy to Long Covid without supportive scientific evidence (because there are many possible causes of this condition).

However, individuals who are suffering from other identified Long Covid symptoms report experiencing peripheral neuropathy in the form of numbness, pain or tingling in their arms, legs or feet. Shanna encourages people to explore different forms of diagnosis with their doctor to determine the type of neuropathy involved and to identify appropriate treatment options. She indicated that blood tests, for example, can highlight whether diabetes, thyroid problems or vitamin deficiency is contributing to the neuropathy.

As I have experienced peripheral neuropathy and a mild form of post-exertion malaise, I have recently approached a medical practitioner who is very experienced and qualified both as a General Practitioner and an Occupational and Environmental Physician. I have undergone a series of tests for my current condition under his guidance. I have simultaneously registered for the on-demand version of Suzy’s Rest, Relax, Recover Programme (the timing of the live sessions does not suit people living in Brisbane, Australia).

I have a firm belief that as I grow in mindfulness – through breathwork, meditation, Tai Chi and other mindfulness practices – I will be able to calm my autonomous nervous system, develop confidence and hope and facilitate my body’s self-healing properties. I look forward to engaging with the training provided by Suzy and her professional colleagues and learning from the experience (and success) of others who have suffered from Long Covid. Suzy reinforces the view that breath is “the bridge between mind and body” and that we can slow both our mind and body by consciously slowing our breath. Suzy’s YouTube Channel, with free resources such as podcast interviews with leading experts and sample classes, is located here.

Alexia Chellun’s Healing Song is very apt at this point as it incorporates the mantra:

“My body, mind and spirit are healthy”.

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Marvin Belzer recently facilitated a guided meditation podcast on paying attention to the present moment as a way of developing mindfulness. Marvin stresses the simplicity of meditation, especially for those who are new to meditation practice. He suggests that the focus for paying attention can be anything that is happening for us at present. The focus can be our breathing, sounds around us, our bodily sensations or emotions that we are experiencing at the time.

Marvin stresses that meditation does not have to be goal oriented or involve an attempt to achieve perfection. Being aware and paying attention to some aspect of our here and now experience brings with it a wide range of benefits, e.g., calmness, clarity, peace and positivity. Diversion from our focus will occur naturally but these distractions can serve to build our awareness muscle , if we consciously return to our focus once we become aware that we have become diverted.

Marvin offers a choice of anchors or meditation focus, consistent with trauma-sensitive mindfulness practice. He also provides a choice in how we meditate (e.g., sitting, lying down or walking) and whether or not we wish to participate with our eyes closed or open.

My experience of Marvin’s guided meditationAt the outset of the meditation, Marvin encourages us to become grounded through a number of deep breaths, including a heavy sigh on our out-breath. This process helps to anchor us in the present, release tension and remind us of our intention in pursuing the meditation practice.

When Marvin offered different foci for the meditation, I chose to focus on an emotion that was present (though somewhat buried). The emotion was unearthed as I started to do a light body scan focusing on points of pain or tension. My attention eventually landed on my right foot and ankle where I had been experiencing numbness and pain. I had come to associate this with post-exertion malaise resulting from the effects of Long Covid.

As I focused on the numbness and pain in my right foot and ankle, I became aware of an associated emotion of disappointment. The net result of the post-exertion malaise is that I am unable to take my walks along the Manly esplanade in Brisbane, practice Tai Chi, or play social tennis (all of which are normally an integral part of my life). As I focused on the emotion I was experiencing, I became aware of a tear forming and dropping on my face. So, even if I had not previously attended to what I was experiencing as a result of the post-exertion malaise, my body was keeping the score

I realise too that my reluctance to engage in any extended mental exertion (such as writing this blog) or gardening), was a result of recent experiences where limited exertion led to a very quick elevation of heart pulse rate and blood pressure, on one occasion resulting in numbness in both legs and difficulty in moving. Since these experiences, I have undertaken extensive research and participated in (and purchased) the 2023 Overcoming Long Haul and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Summit.

ReflectionGez Medinger, who presented at the Overcoming Long Haul Summit, suffered from Long Covid himself and has produced over 90 video interview podcasts with experts in the field. His very strong recommendation is that people who suffer from Long Covid should “work out what helps them calm the nervous system down”. He mentioned that acupuncture helped some people, while others have benefited from the Rest, Repair, Recover Programme of yoga teacher Suzy Bolt. Gez interviewed Suzy Bolt as part of his video podcast interviews on Long Covid. Lorrie Rivers, Convenor of the ME/CFS and Long Covid Summit focused on mind/body techniques and mindfulness to aid her own recovery from Long Covid.

The insights I’ve gained to date about recovery from Long Covid encourages me to pursue various mindfulness practices to aid my own recovery. As I grow in mindfulness, I hope to maintain my calmness and acceptance of my condition, while working creatively towards complete recovery. Meditation is one practice that can help me use the power of the present moment to “calm my nervous system” and associated symptoms.

I am constantly reminded of Alexia Chellun’s song:

The Power of Now is Here Now

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Mark Mortensen and Heidi K. Gardner reported in a Harvard Business Review article that dozens of companies are reporting declining trust in the Hybrid Workplace model, both amongst employers and employees. They point out that in the early days when the Pandemic hit, people were forced to work from home because of isolation requirements. In that environment, when everything was in turmoil and everyone was “in the same boat”, there was a lot of tolerance and trust within organisations, despite the existence of some forms of hybrid workplaces. However, now with the reduction in the Covid19 presence and associated risk, and the return to workplaces (for some of the time), the level of tolerance and trust has dropped.

The authors attribute the decline in trust to a number of factors including the lack of preparedness of employees for home-based work (such as the absence of established routines), inadequate home technology, and the unpreparedness of organisations to facilitate information flow. While the majority of people at some stage had to work from home (because of lockdowns), this prevented employers from choosing the most appropriate employees to work from home. The problem now is that employees have the very strong expectation that working from home for some part of the week is part of their revised, return-to-work employment contract. They have experienced the real benefits of working from home in terms of flexibility and reduction in travel time and associated costs. Some employees experienced heightened productivity and the associated sense of accomplishment.

Now employers are faced with many more employees wanting to work from home with high expectations of this highly desirable condition being granted. This then raises equity issues for employers in terms of who to allow to work from home now, the number of days that people need to be at work and what days of the week individuals will be allowed to work in their home environment. It is interesting that in Brisbane City at present, Mondays and Fridays are very quiet traffic days (and there is plenty of parking at railways stations), while the other days of the week have returned to normal traffic flows and associated peak hours and delays.

Declining trust within hybrid workplacesThere is a problem that not everyone is suited to a work-from-home environment and not every home environment facilitates effective at-home work. Desirable traits for work-at-home employees include initiative, ability to work autonomously, reliability, results oriented and resilience. If employees lack the desired qualities to be effective working from home then a manager’s trust in their capacity and quality of output is eroded.

While people are working from home, there is a reduced opportunity for workplace relationships to develop through such random activities as the “water cooler chat” which has clear benefits for communication flow, collaboration and team-building. The resulting limitation on relationship-building impacts on levels of trust and tolerance amongst co-workers.

In the absence of “line-of-sight” for managers and supervisors there is a declining level of trust in how employees are spending their working day at home. Many managers and supervisors report that they don’t trust their employees working from home because they “can’t see what they are doing”. Mark and Heidi report that this has led to increased remote surveillance via electronic monitoring (e.g., keystroke counts) and virtual visual monitoring such as webcams and drones. All of which communicates to the employees that their managers do not trust them – which, in turn, impacts the reciprocation of trust (from employee to employer).

How to rebuild trust in a hybrid workplaceThere are many strategies for building trust within a team, especially in a hybrid workplace. Below are some suggestions:

• Create culture change: Lynn Haaland suggests that managers of hybrid work teams can actively promote a “speak up culture” so that issues are addressed in a timely manner. The willingness to share what is not working well is even more paramount within the hybrid context as dissatisfactions can fester and lead to conflict and lower productivity.
• Provide guidance for working from home: Many people have written about how to be productive while working remotely. Managers can share the best suggestions and facilitate team exchanges of what works well for individuals in their home environment.
• Demonstrate trustworthiness: Mark and Heidi stress the importance of understanding that trust is “reciprocal and bi-directional”. This puts the onus on the manager to demonstrate trustworthiness in their words and actions and to align them so that they are perceived as congruent.
• Be empathetic: Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman argue that empathy is one of the three key elements that build trust in a workplace team. They explain that empathy can be displayed by resolving conflict, building cooperation, providing helpful feedback, and balancing concern for task with real concern for employees’ welfare. Empathy also helps to build the manager’s own resilience in the face of the increasing demands of their hybrid workplace.
• Adopt regular “check-ins”: If the focus of these check-ins is staff welfare as well as progress on assigned tasks, this will demonstrate empathy and build trust. This focus involves being prepared to really listen to how an employee is feeling, whether they are coping and what they need to rectify what is not working well.
• Use collaborate planning processes: Collaborative planning processes such as Force Field Analysis (FFA) and Brainstorming facilitate on-going collaboration, the exchange of ideas and the development of a sense of connection. Genuine Involvement in planning processes develops employee’s sense of agency and demonstrates that their views are valued, trusted and respected.
• Establish cross-team projects: Going beyond the immediate team to develop cross-team projects with other teams that have a common interest, concern or problem, helps to build rapport and trust, to break down barriers and silos, and to generate new ideas and perspectives.
• Be a good role model: The Mind Tools Team suggest that being a good role model is central to rebuilding trust in the workplace. This involves honesty, transparency, avoiding micromanagement, clearly communicating expectations and being a team player (not putting own promotion ahead of the team’s welfare). It can also extend to modelling working from home.
• Undertake more conscious planning and thinking: Bill Schaninger in a podcast interview stressed the need for managers to put more planning and thought into how they manage their hybrid teams. The world and workplaces have changed dramatically with the advent of the Pandemic and the way we manage has to be re-thought and re-designed. We can no longer assume that it is “business as usual” but be willing to change and adapt and reinforce for employees that we are across their issues and the new demands on them.

ReflectionThe demands on managers are increasing with the widespread adoption of hybrid workplaces. Yvonne Stedham and Theresa Skaar maintain that what defines a leader is their capacity to see a need for change, make things happen, and encourage others to engage in actions and behaviors that create a “new reality”. They argue that mindfulness is an essential trait/characteristic for leaders in these changing and challenging times. Yvonne and Theresa, on the basis of a comprehensive literature review, contend that as managers grow in mindfulness they are able to shift their perspective (re-perceiving), increase their flexibility and cognitive capacity, regulate their emotions and behaviour, and grow in self- and social awareness.

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Dr. Aimie Apigian recently offered a Trauma to Trust Masterclass in which she discussed the body’s response to trauma, ways to recognise if a relationship is causing trauma and ways to move from trauma in a relationship to trust. Aimie is a Preventative Medicine physician with Masters in Public Health and Biochemistry. She specialises as an addiction, trauma and attachment physician – a career that resulted from her desire to heal from own traumatic life experiences and attachment issues and to help other people to achieve healing and recovery. She shares her career story and her work with Guy Macpherson on the Trauma Therapist Project podcast. Her experience with foster-parenting led to her consuming interest in helping children experiencing pain and suffering from trauma.

On her YouTube© channel, Aimie provides videos where she discusses topics like addiction, trauma, nervous system, negative thinking, inflammation and emotional regulation. She draws heavily on her personal experience of adopting a son from her foster care – a child who was traumatised by his insecurity, constant mobility and uncertain future. She found that love and nurture and time together by themselves did not help to heal him – the manifestations of love themselves became a trigger for his trauma response.

The day Aimie’s six-year old adopted son told her that he would kill her the following day was the catalyst for a lifetime of study, research and specialisation in helping children and adults recover from trauma. To help her son, she researched multiple modalities including nutrition, somatic experiencing (developed by Dr. Peter Levine), and Neuro-Affective Touch. For other parents in a similar situation with a traumatised child, she created the not-for-profit organisation, Family Challenge Camps, that are designed to help families deal with trauma and attachment issues.

3 steps to the trauma responseAimie drew on her training in the Instinctual Trauma Response Model to explain how the body responds to trauma. Initially when the body experiences a perceived threat (including a “trigger”), it goes into a startle response (envisage a deer in the wild hearing or smelling the presence of a lion). This is followed by the stress response which energises the fight/flight response.

When the stressor(s) are perceived as overwhelm (we sense we are unable to cope), the body adopts the freeze response which constitutes the “lowest energy state” (in comparison to the “high energy state” of the fight/flight response).

Recognising trauma created in a relationshipAimie provides three ways to recognise if a relationship (that we are part of) is a source of trauma for us. At the foundational level, the early indicators relate to a lack of energy. So the first step is to check our bodily sensations – is the relationship energising or depleting us? This can be an early indicator of trauma in an emerging Controlling Relationship.

On the second level, is exploration of our thoughts about our relationship. Do we perceive that being in the relationship is too much and beyond us? Do we feel safe and supported? Are we wondering why we have built up a dependency in the relationship to make up for some personal deficiency?

The third indicator is how we feel health wise – are we constantly feeling sick in the relationship? Does the relationship “make us sick” (with worry, anxiety or fear, for example). Aimie reminds us that sometimes we can delude ourselves when our mind says “I love them” but our body gives us away through constant sickness.

3 step approach to releasing stored traumaAimie has developed a 3 step approach to assist people to release stored trauma. She argues that the release process requires certain actions completed in the right order. In fact, from her own experience and research, she has found that the order of the required steps is the reverse of the trauma creation process described in the previous section (startle, fight/flight/, freeze).

Aimie argues that the trauma release process involves (1) developing a personal sense of safety, (2) building a sense of support and (3) expansion where we begin to lead “the life we’ve always wanted”. She provides an explanation of the 3 step process in her publication, The Essential Sequence Guide: How to release stored trauma, that is available as a free e-book from her website, Trauma Healing Accelerated.

Aimie offers specialised training for individuals who want to deal with trauma in a relationship in the form of a 21 Day Journey that provides a somatically-based process of addressing stored trauma in the body. Each of the three steps of trauma release are addressed by providing seven somatic exercises for each step (safety, support, expansion). Aimie and an online community provide the supportive relationships necessary to enable people to heal and recover. During the Trauma to Trust Masterclass, Aimie provided an experience of one of the somatic exercises designed to develop a sense of safety. It involved linking the stomach to the heart by placing one hand on each body part and exploring the nature of the felt connection (e.g., rejection, resistance, warmth, welcoming, disrupted, undulating).

Aimie provides other experiential and educational workshops, a certification program for practitioners and one-on-one coaching by a certified trauma-informed health coach. She is also the Creator and Host of the Biology of Trauma Summit.

ReflectionEach of us have had our own experience of personal trauma from challenging life events – whether a car accident; death of a child, spouse or parent; a relationship breakdown/breakup and/or divorce; loss of work through redundancy; chronic illness or cancer; loss of a home through fire or flood; adverse childhood experiences or a combination of these (or any other traumatising event).

Aimie and her colleagues provide a clear pathway for trauma release by focusing on the body and providing somatic healing. Her dedication to releasing trauma in others (whether parents, children or professionals) is a lifetime and whole-hearted commitment. She offers insights from her own traumatic life journey and in-depth study and research.

As we grow in mindfulness through somatic experiencing, meditation, connecting with nature and other mindfulness practices, we can develop greater self-awareness, a stronger sense of safety and support and build the confidence and creativity to explore our potential and life purpose.

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Diana Winston, Director Mindfulness Education at MARC, offers a guided meditation podcast on the theme, “Back to Basics”. She reminds us that mindfulness is very much about the capacity to pay attention in the present moment and to do so with curiosity, openness and a willingness to be with what is, including our habituated distraction behaviours. Without mindfulness meditation we tend to spend out time thinking about the past (replaying undesirable events/outcomes) or the future (worrying about possible negative events which rarely happen).

Mindfulness meditation enables us to build our concentration by staying fully focused on the present. The beauty of the present moment is that it is always accessible to us if only we focus our attention. However, our busy human brains are forever active – engaged in planning, categorising, criticising, exploring, and many other mental activities that manifest our intelligence. Diana notes that everyone gets distracted during mindfulness meditation but the power of the process lies in the ability to return to our anchor to restore present moment awareness and build our awareness muscle.

Diana suggests that if we become distracted by thoughts we can name what we are doing, for example, “planning” or “critiquing” and return to our anchor. She reminds us of the research that demonstrates the benefits of mindfulness, including building relational resilience and relieving pain. Neuroscience research shows us how mindfulness can increase our capacity to manage stress, enhance positivity and happiness and even alter the physical shape of our brains. Dr. Dilip Jeste, Professor of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, provides research to highlight the role of mindfulness in developing wisdom and compassion. Daniel Goleman and Richard Davidson in their book, Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body, explain that mindfulness research provides very strong evidence that meditation builds self-awareness, self-management and social awareness.

Diana maintains from her research and extensive training of others in mindfulness practice, that “people who practise mindfulness report more gratitude, more appreciation and more connection with themselves and other people”. Sometimes, a particular location can provide us with the right environment to develop mindfulness. It may provide solitude and silence or reinforce our connection to country and community as Brooke Blurton frequently describes in her memoir, Big Love: Reclaiming myself, my people, my country. Nature has a way of developing mindfulness because it stimulates wonder and awe and all our senses – sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste.

The guided meditationIn the guided meditation, Diana encouraged us to adopt a comfortable posture to enable us to sustain our focus throughout the 20 minute meditation. She suggested we choose an anchor to enable us to restore our attention whenever we notice that we were distracted. The anchors suggested were our breath, external sounds or bodily sensations. I chose to focus on my joined fingers that were resting on my lap. I find that I can very quickly sense the tinkling, vibration and warmth in my fingertips once I have them joined. As I focused on the associated bodily sensations, I became aware of pain in my fingers and wrists which then became my focus.

Diana suggests that when you are starting out using meditation, it is best to maintain a focus on your anchor and not be diverted by strong emotions. There are, however, specific guided meditations for dealing with challenging emotions.

The guided meditation provided by Diana (which begins after 6.35 minutes of introduction) incorporates a 10 minute silent meditation. Towards the end of the meditation, Diana encourages us to sense how we are feeling, e.g., whether we are experiencing ease or relaxation.

ReflectionAfter the meditation, I recalled that one of the first mindfulness books I read was that by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. Also In an interesting occurrence of synchronicity, I had been listening to mantra meditations on Spotify (via a Janin Devi Mix) as I wrote the first draft of this blog post and Alexia Chellun starting singing The Power Is Here Now (a song I have never heard before).

As we grow in mindfulness through our regular mindfulness practice, we can access the power of the present moment to gain greater self-awareness, heightened creativity, improved emotional regulation and a deeper sense of happiness and ease. There are many options available for us to choose, e.g., chanting, meditation, yoga, mantra meditations or movement meditations. We just need to choose the modality that works best for us and enables us to sustain our practice. I find that Tai Chi provides the greatest immediate benefits for me and that is my primary mindfulness practice (supplemented by other practices as well).

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David Treleaven presented on the topic, Resilience to Trauma, at the recent Embodiment Festival 2023. He made the point that while meditation and mindfulness practices can help some people recover from trauma, meditation may not work in individual cases. He argued that suggesting “more” meditation is not the answer – we have to recognise the complexity of trauma and how it plays out in different people’s lives. Individual’s hypervigilance as a result of trauma may impede their capacity to be still and reflect and they may find themselves continuously oscillating between a trauma response and temporary wellness – impeding their capacity to develop resilience.

David commented that trauma can create a level of rigidity in our response to stressors. He noted that in some cultures such as Australia, Ireland, and South Africa, humour plays an important role in helping people to develop resilience. Mark Walsh, Festival organiser and interviewer, commented that after undertaking trauma recovery work in Ukraine, he realised that humour is an integral part of the resilience of the Ukrainian people. It was noted, too, that the current President, Zelenskyy, was previously a comedian and actor.

When Mark asked David what advice he would give to young people in these present challenging times, David suggested that it is important to undertake a regular practice that builds personal resilience. He maintained that this is very much a personal choice but whatever practice you choose, to do so purposefully and “don’t be afraid to make a mistake”. This wide-ranging discussion increased my interest in the relationship between trauma and resilience. I decided to explore David’s podcast series, Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, where he interviews trauma experts to explore the intersection of mindfulness, meditation and traumatic stress.

Trauma and ResilienceI was immediately attracted to David’s podcast interview with Anjuli Sherin on the topic, Resilience, Mindfulness and Trauma Recovery. Anjuli is a Pakistani American who specialises in trauma recovery with families, especially members of immigrant families. She is a highly qualified and experienced therapist who offers individual therapy sessions, healing groups, guided meditations, training and her Joy Blog. Anjuli is the author of Joyous Resilience – A Path to Individual Healing and Collective Thriving in an Inequitable World. The interview is very rich in its discussion of resilience and Anjuli’s book, because she shares insights from her own life experience and the resilience journey of her therapy clients. David, himself an expert in trauma and trauma recovery, acknowledged that he learnt some new things as a result of the interview.

Anjuli begins with recounting her own trauma recovery journey, highlighting the trauma she experienced as an 18 year old, female immigrant to America. Not only did she feel totally disconnected from her new cultural environment, she was also carrying the scars of intergenerational trauma resulting from living with her family in the “systems of oppression” present in Pakistan as she was growing up. She found herself alone in America with no “compass”, family or community, while still in her early 20’s.

Anjuli experienced what Bruce Perry describes as a “sensitised stress response” which led to overreactivity and maladaptive behaviour. She describes her trauma as translating into “anger, fear and violence”. She found that she did not cope with the stressors in intimate relationships, partly because she could not access, and express, her feelings and needs. She was experiencing “emotional dysregulation” where she lacked control over her emotional responses. Her reactivity in her relationships led to more stress and feelings of shame. Anjuli describes this trauma experience as the ”cycle of trauma” – the “vulnerable self” experiences stressors that lead to reactivity which, in turn, increases a sense of vulnerability, fear and helplessness that, again, heightens reactivity and maladaptation. The trauma cycle results in negative self-evaluation, avoidance, and questioning “what’s wrong with me?” – creating a further “cycle of suffering”. An alternative mindset explores “what happened to you?” and seeks to understand trauma, its complexity and impacts.

The ”circle of resilience”Anjuli describes the trauma recovery journey experienced by herself and her clients as a journey towards, and into, the “circle of resilience”. This is a process, not a set state, that involves developing or accessing “four aspects of self” that enable the development of resilience and facilitate trauma recovery. These aspects of self replace self-criticism, self-neglect and denial of feelings. Anjuli maintains that people who have experienced trauma are often not able to use the “tools of resilience” (such as mindfulness, yoga, Tai Chi or exercise) in a sustainable way because of their “vulnerable self’ and being stuck in their reactivity and sense of helplessness.

Anjuli noted that in her early stages of arrival in America she ignored advice to seek a therapist to help her with her trauma recovery. It was only after the stressors she was experiencing increased (e.g. graduation and relationship stress) that she heeded advice to seek therapeutic assistance. She had been mired in her negative self-evaluation and her maladaptive behaviour up until that time.

The “four aspects of self” for the resilience journeyThrough her own therapy and consulting with her clients, Anjuli identified what she calls the “four aspects of self” that enable anyone who has experienced trauma to undertake the resilience journey. She found that her own therapy “changed everything” and helped her to develop resilience by providing “foundational teaching” to shift from emotional dysregulation to emotional regulation, to move from stress and shame to self-care, and to develop “healthy control and agency over actions, emotions and relationships”. Her reactivity diminished and she was able to understand her own needs and ask for what she needed.

During therapy she developed the “four aspects of self” that enabled her to enter the path, and move along the journey, to healing and resilience, thus enabling her to utilise the tools of resilience, such as mindfulness and exercise, in a sustainable way. The four aspects described in depth by Anjuli in her book are:

1. Nurturing – self-talk that recognises feelings (naming her feelings) and “turns to those feelings with attunement and loving kindness”, leading to acceptance
2. Protection – establishing healthy boundaries and limits
3. Play and creativity – accessing the things that bring pleasure
4. Awe and Gratitude – through the experience of beauty and “interdependence with the larger world”.

Anjuli explained that these four aspects of self, enabled her to let go of her “vulnerable self” and to acknowledge that she is able to deal with challenging emotions such as grief and fear. She stated that these four states “are not built outside of relationship”. She reinforced the critical role of supportive relationships in the journey to recovery and resilience. Brooke Blurton in her memoir, Big Love: Reclaiming myself, my people, my country, highlighted the relationship orientation of her Aboriginal culture and its role in helping her through multiple sources of trauma to heal and develop resilience. She experienced intergenerational trauma, poverty, homelessness, sexual abuse and racism, yet throughout she was sustained by the “constant love” of her addicted mother and the love of her family (especially her Nan and siblings), the extended family of “Aunties” and “Uncles” and what she calls “the mob”. Anjuli reinforced supportive relationships as a “source of resilience” in that they provide protection, nurturing and a readiness to listen and positively affirm a person’s experience and emotions and offer reassurance that they “are not alone”.

Reflection

Supportive relationships appear consistently as a key element for trauma recovery and the development of resilience. When I reflect on my own experience of recovery from personal trauma, I am able to acknowledge the central role played by nurturing, protective relationships. Anjuli’s book promotes personal and collective healing and recovery, and offers supportive practices and insightful case studies that facilitate the development of resilience and encourage joyful thriving.

Resources that can help us achieve trauma resilience, and the ability to cope with life’s challenges, include the Healing Trauma Program offered by Sounds True which involves 13 key trauma recovery experts such as David Treleaven. Sounds True also offer a shorter course, Trauma and the Embodied Brain, facilitated by Bonnie Badenoch, PhD. Bonnie is the author of the book, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships.

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Christina Dohr presented on the topic of “Relational Resilience” during the recent Embodiment Festival. Christina is a qualified somatic educator and embodiment coach, who aims to help people through bodily awareness (of breath, sensations, posture and movement) to achieve self-awareness and authentic connection and relationships. She is a strong advocate of movement as a way to tap into the mind-body connection and emotions – her background includes dance, improvisation and a black belt in Aikido.

Relational resilience is a concept typically employed in research literature especially in relation to the development of girls and women and often refers to the capacity to bounce back in the face of trauma, difficulties and health issues. The concept is also employed in the context of parenting and dependent child development. In her presentation, Christina used the idea of relational resilience to refer to any relationship, intimate or friendship relationship. She focused on sustainability of relationships in the face of life challenges and the role of deepening connection to facilitate mutual growth. Christina also reinforced the research-based evidence that demonstrates the key role that supportive relationships play in healing from trauma and coping with personal difficulties.

Bodily AwarenessChristina, being an embodiment coach, offered bodily awareness as a way into relational resilience. She highlighted the fact that the way we visualise and use our bodies impacts our relationships. Throughout her presentation she introduced a range of embodiment practices designed to build bodily awareness and the messages we communicate in our interactions. We can concur with Bessel van der Kolk’s concept that The Body Keeps the Score – not only in relation to traumatic experiences but also everyday interactions.

Christina focused on a number of areas that either sustain or dimmish relationships such as listening. She suggests that we explore how we listen and whether or not we bring openness, curiosity and genuine interest to our intimate relationships. Christina offered an embodiment practice to look at the relative give and take in a relationship – a key determinant of sustainability and resilience. She suggested that participants in the Zoom workshop joined their hands together and visualise the balance occurring in their relationship by moving their joined hands towards themselves or away from themselves. At the same time, participants were encouraged to tap into their bodily sensations as they experienced this movement to or away from themselves.

Another key area that Christina covered is “ownership” in a relationship – the degree to which we own our words and action and their outcomes, intended and unintended. She stressed the need “to take responsibility” and not deflect or deny when we make a mistake or “stuff up” in a relationship. This could mean simply acknowledging that we didn’t listen properly or that we were not paying attention. This genuineness and honesty contribute to trustworthiness which, in turn, develops relational resilience. We can notice our bodily reactions/sensations when confronted with the challenge to “own responsibility” for our words, actions, inactions or omissions in a relationship.

Christina indicated that there are times when we tend to own responsibility when its is not appropriate – we might overcompensate, overdo giving (trying to anticipate a partner’s every need) or try to read another person’s mind. She offered a simple embodiment exercise to illustrate this point. If your shape your hands “to hug a tree”, the inner circle (or the imaginary tree) represents your area of responsibility – outside the circle is someone else’s responsibility. She suggests that you can also embody this concept of responsibility boundaries (and experience it through accompanying bodily sensations) by facing one palm in towards yourself (your responsibility) and the other palm facing away from you (the other person’s responsibility). Being conscious of how you feel as you do this can increase your bodily and emotional awareness.

ReflectionChristina encourages us to use our body as a mirror to our “inner landscape”. There is so much we can overlook or ignore, but our bodies are registering everything – the way others look at us, avoid us or attend to what we say. Our bodies are continuously sensing and reacting, often at an unconscious level. One of Christina’s goals is to assist us to “uncover unconscious embodiment patterns” and help us to change what no longer serves our relationships and its resilience. To this end she offers embodiment coaching and workshops to help people gain bodily awareness and develop mature and resilient relationships.

We can grow in mindfulness and self-awareness as we explore embodiment practices and pay attention to our bodily sensations and reactions in our daily interactions. Christina’s presentation gives us some relationship areas to think about, focus on and experience bodily. Other presentations at the Embodiment Festival can advance our personal insight by offering a variety of embodiment practices.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Marvin Belzer, Assistant Director of MARC, UCLA, in a recent guided meditation podcast provides some insights into what is required to sustain the practice of meditation. He suggests, for example, that “willingness” is the essence of sustainability in relation to meditation. We have to be willing to give it a go, be patient to stay with the process and avoid any attempt or pressure to achieve perfection. Some of his insights for sustainability, after 30 years of his own mindfulness practice, include the following.

Choose an anchor that is natural and comfortable for youIt is really important to choose an anchor that is easy for you and assists you to sustain the effort needed for meditation. An anchor helps you to focus your attention, sustain the focus and serves as a point of return when you experience distractions. The more common anchors are sounds (within your room or external), bodily sensations and your breath. With sounds, it is important to just tune into what is happening around you but not attempt to identify the sounds (or source) or evaluate them in terms of pleasant/unpleasant, soft/loud or any other evaluation criteria. The essence of sound as an effective anchor is the process of “tuning in”. A focus on bodily sensations can be achieved through a body scan or a simple focus on a particular area of your body. With your breath as an anchor, it helps to focus on where you experience the process of breathing, e.g., abdomen, nose or chest. You are not attempting to control your breath but just to pay attention to the “in-breath”, the “out-breath” and the space between. I find that a focus on breathing is easier for me than sounds because I find the latter distracting if I am inside a room. However, if I am outside, I find it easier to focus on the sounds of birds, both those that are nearby and those further away. It is important to be aware of the need to choose a “trauma-sensitive” anchor if a particular anchor elicits a trauma response (a rare occurrence, but a reality for some people).

Keep it simpleMarvin emphasises the simplicity of meditation. You do not have to “perform” or achieve “mastery” to gain the benefits of meditation practice. It does not involve a process of ongoing measurement or evaluation against some yardstick. There will be days when meditation will feel easy and natural and other days when it is difficult because of what is going on in your life at the time and your level of health/wellness. The amount of time you have available for meditation can also impact your experience of it.

Choose a meditation practice suited to you and your available timeYou do not have to master all possible forms of meditation (which are numerous). For sustainability, it is important that you try to focus on a particular form of meditation that suits you and your lifestyle. Some people like to sit quietly in their home, others like to meditate externally in nature, while others like an active meditation process such as movement meditation. Some people prefer to employ meditation within a yoga framework. I find that Tai Chi is the form of meditation that I can practise more regularly because I have spent a lot of my life in activities such as playing tennis, bike riding, competitive athletics and walking. Some people find that mantra meditations or chanting suits them best and their situation. Tina Turner, for example, found that chanting a particular mantra enabled her to achieve balance in times of adversity, which were sometimes extreme such as being an abusive relationship.

Remind yourself of the benefits that accrue as you meditateRecalling the benefits of meditation practice provides positive reinforcement for your practice and helps you to sustain the effort. Invariably, you can experience calmness, equanimity and clarity if you persist. However, there may be particular benefits that you experience that are personal to you, e.g., reduction in difficult emotions, better stress management or ease in daily life. I find that Tai Chi helps me to play tennis better because it improves my reflexes, coordination, concentration and flexibility. The flow-over benefits of Tai Chi for my tennis performance (and enjoyment of social tennis) are a source of reinforcement for my mindfulness practice.

ReflectionMarvin reinforces the need to not be discouraged when you experience distractions such as planning thinking or strong emotions. It is natural, no matter how experienced you are, to find distractions intruding into your meditation practice. You can acknowledge the distracting thought or planning process and return to your focus. I find that planning my day is a major source of distraction for me during meditation but recognising this, I have adopted the practice of just naming what is happening and returning to my anchor. Marvin suggests that with emotions you experience during meditation, you can just notice what they are like and how you experience them in your body, e.g. anxiety might be experienced as tightness in your chest or stomach. After tuning in to the emotion and its bodily manifestation, he encourages you to return to your anchor. The very act of continually returning to your anchor after a distraction serves to build your awareness muscle and your capacity to sustain concentration. As we grow in mindfulness through sustained meditation practice, we will experience an ever-widening range of benefits that will serve, in turn, to reinforce our practice.

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I have been listening to the CD-audio version of What Happened to You? – Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing. In the audio, the creators Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, share their experiences and insights – Bruce from a neuroscience and clinical perspective and Oprah from the stories she has gleaned from thousands of interviews of traumatised people. The audio represents the crystallisation of ideas resulting from an ongoing conversation between the two creators over more than thirty years. It highlights the complexity of trauma and the multi-faceted nature of effective healing from trauma.

In listening to the audio, you automatically explore, “what happened to you?” in your own early childhood. The prevalence of trauma and its impacts suggests that most of us in some way experienced one of more adverse childhood experiences (ACE). Every day you hear of traumatic events globally as well as locally – such as the Sea World helicopter collision on the Gold Coast. Survivors and witnesses, as well as grieving relatives and friends, would have been traumatised by the accident. Some of the survivors have to experience the trauma of multiple surgeries as well.

We are frequently exposed to the traumatic experiences of others, including prominent people who describe their upbringing and provide insights into trauma and its impacts by way of their memoirs. For example, Bertie Blackman, singer and artist, writes in her memoir, Bohemian Negligence, that she was sexually abused at a young age by a “friend of the family”. Tove Ditlevsen, famous Danish poet and author, explained in her memoir, Childhood, Youth and Dependency, that she had a violent mother who beat her indiscriminately and was unpredictable, inflexible and critical. Tove’s dream of becoming a poet was a source of belittlement by others, and disbelief and denigration from her parents and beloved brother. She was also ostracized at school because she was seen to be “different”.

What happened to you or did not happen for you?Bruce and Oprah explain that the more we understand the nature of trauma and its many forms and manifestations, we are better able to be compassionate towards others and ourselves when we observe aberrant behaviour on their part or our own. This can lead to forgiveness of others and ourselves, as well as healing from the impacts of trauma which are pervasive and influence our relationships and communication.

Oprah and Bruce explain that trauma shapes “our brains, our biases, our systems” – it influences our worldview and the way we perceive ourselves. A teenager, for example, who experiences roughness and brutality by a policeman when innocent or engaged in some trivial misdemeanour, will view police as “fearful”, not trustworthy and cruel. This traumatic experience builds an implicit bias on the teenager’s part in respect of all police. Our experience (or lack of direct experience) of people of a different race or nationality to our own can shape our biases. These biases can be confirmed by observing non-conformist behaviour or seeing images of adverse events involving people of that race or nationality.

Our own trauma is unique in that traumatic experiences and their impact vary from individual to individual in terms of their nature, intensity, diversity and duration. We each bring to the table of life imprinting from our early life experiences that shape who we are and how we respond under stress. People with unresolved trauma have “sensitised stress responses” which can be manifested in overreaction, aggression, physical withdrawal, anxiety or dissociation.

Bruce and Oprah make the point that our modern day living conflicts with what is necessary to achieve healing from trauma. They highlight the emphasis today on superficial relations and communications (e.g. selfies, likes, texts) at the expense of reciprocal relationships involving conversation, sharing, storytelling and empathy. They discuss the “sensory cacophony of the modern world” – creating discordant sounds, confronting images and information overload. Oprah and Bruce maintain too, like Johann Hari, that the disconnection and isolation of modern living contribute substantially to the growth of depression, anxiety and suicide.

In contrast, Bruce recounts his experience of Māori culture through an intensive immersion over two days – experiencing firsthand their holistic healing approach and the centrality of relationships characterised by “rich relational density [versus superficiality] and developmental density [involving ages ranging from babies to the aged]”. Given the nature of trauma, Bruce argues for the development of “stable, supportive, patient and consistent” relationships to offset the impact of developmental relationships that were unpredictable, inconsistent, hurtful, demeaning or neglectful

ReflectionIf we reflect on our actions and reactions to daily events and interactions with other people, we can begin to see patterns in our behaviour, e.g., avoidance of conflict, the need to please, or implicit bias in relation to particular groups of people. Gaining an understanding of trauma, its impacts and conditioned behavioural responses, will enable us to establish causal links between what has happened to us (or “not happened for us”) and how we behave in specific situations, e.g., when criticised, threatened or praised. Memoirs can be instructive in this regard.

If we consciously grow in mindfulness through reflection, meditation and other mindfulness practices, we can gain the self-awareness necessary to understand ourselves and to develop loving kindness towards ourselves and others. If we also consciously try to build and sustain supportive, enduring relationships we can move along the path to self-regulation and healing from trauma. These healing relationships can extend beyond our immediate family to colleagues, friends, our extended family and interest groups (such as hobby, book, faith or aged-based groups).

Bruce and Oprah reinforce the importance of the mind/body connection and highlight the value of movement such as dance, Tai Chi, movement meditation, exercise and reconnection with nature for healing from trauma. They also advocate bodily-oriented approaches such as massage, somatic meditation, and resting in your body/breath. There are many resources available to help us heal from trauma and develop resilience to face life’s challenges. Sounds True, for example, offers a Healing Trauma Program involving some of the world’s top trauma recovery experts. They also provide a Trauma and the Embodied Brain course led by Bonnie Badenoch, author of The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Oprah Winfrey and Bruce Perry address the issue of healing from trauma in their book, What Happened to You? In a chapter on Coping and Healing, they explore the impact of relational deficit in the early years of a child’s life; what neglect and parental conflict does to a child’s development, their worldview and their stress response; and the importance of an understanding, nurturing and patient carer/parent/therapist for healing to occur. In the process, they discuss, in depth, the nature of neglect, differences in the way individuals are impacted by trauma, behavioural manifestations of adverse childhood experiences, and the road to healing, including creating a new worldview.

This chapter of their book is very rich with stories, insights, principles and personal disclosure by Oprah – disclosures that are enriched by observations by Bruce on her life experiences. Oprah, herself, and the vast work that she does in the area of trauma healing, is an exemplar for coping with, and healing from, trauma. What she has learned through her own life experience and ongoing discussions with Bruce over many years, has led to her establishing the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls (OWLAG) in South Africa.

The emotional environment in early childhoodBruce maintains that the quality of the emotional climate in early childhood impacts our worldview and our stress response. If there is stability, nurturing and predictability, our brains and our behaviour can develop. If the opposite exists, this has an adverse impact on our childhood development and our capacity as an adult to deal with challenges and stress. We can develop the mindset that we are not lovable or not worthy of people’s attention. Dr. Gabor Maté utilises a process he calls “compassionate inquiry” to unearth these negative self-stories – vestiges of an early life lived in an environment of neglect.

Bruce highlights the fact that different, deficit emotional environments can result in very different traumatic effects. He illustrates this point by an in-depth comparison of two boys who manifested their traumatic upbring in contrasting ways. His explanation shows clearly why one boy became fearful and aggressive while the other “had no feeling at all” and engaged in threats and thefts. His description of their respective adverse childhood experiences and their differentiated impacts brings into sharp focus the key role that quality relationships play in early childhood.

This discussion of the differences in personal development of the two boys led Bruce to assert that an important consideration is not only “what happened to you?” but also “what didn’t happen for you?” – in terms of the behaviour of a parent/carer who provides undivided attention (in lieu of distracted attention), gentle touch (rather than physical abuse), consistent nurturing (instead of an on/off approach) and regular reassurance (instead of a belittling attitude). Not only does the quality of relationships in early childhood impact brain development but also the development of social and motor skills. Bruce contends that “relationships are the key to healing from trauma” because trauma often results from deficient relationships.

An environment of conflictBruce notes that if you are a young child and you are in an environment of parental conflict, you have limited options. You are too young to flee and unable to fight as you are easily overpowered and may draw physical attacks from either or both parents. Often in this situation, a child will dissociate – retreat to their inner world. Dissociation becomes a problem when it is prolonged or becomes a habituated response to everyday challenges – this can lead to what is termed a dissociative disorder. I can relate to dissociation as a stress response as my parents had frequent verbal and physical conflicts over my father’s alcoholism and gambling – my mother would berate him over his misuse of our family income. This would sometimes escalate into a physical attack on my mother, on a number of occasions this put her in hospital.

When I was young, my natural response would be to dissociate from the traumatic experience, as flight or fight was not an option – fight was out of the questions as my father was a very successful professional boxer. However, as I reached the age of 12, I used to get on my pushbike and ride into the night as fast as I could (flight response), hoping that when I returned the conflict would be over. The physical exertion of bike riding at speed served to release some of my pent-up tension and fear from the conflict.

Both Bruce and Oprah make the point that there is a positive side to dissociation in that it could be a life-saving response in some situations but is also part and parcel of what each of us do every day – e.g., day dream. Bruce contends that the “capacity to control dissociation behaviour is very powerful” – it underpins our capacity for reflection and focus and to achieve a “flow state”. I experienced a number of personal traumas in my early childhood and adulthood, including a serious care accident in the family car when our car was hit on the side by another car, rolled a number of times, went over a 10 foot embankment, and came to rest on its hood. I have learned to control my dissociative behaviour and, as a result, developed high levels of reflective cognition and focused behaviour – reflected in my PhD, Professorship and this blog (this is my 700th published blog post for my Grow Mindfulness blog).

Reflection“What Happened to You” by Bruce and Oprah stimulated a lot of reflection for me and in some instances, “flashbacks” as well. I began to appreciate more how my five years spent as a contemplative monk (from ages 18 to 22) served to provide me with a highly structured, stable, reflective and meditative environment with high quality relationships that together enabled me to self-regulate after a traumatic upbringing in a conflicted parental environment. In my upbringing, my mother’s unconditional love and support offset to some degree my father’s (PTSD-induced) behaviour.

I am sure my period of development in an environment of daily silence, meditation, prayer and study helped me to achieve a degree of peace and tranquility (sometimes punctuated by moments of panic over my deteriorating home situation). As I grew in mindfulness, I was able to develop resilience, a positive mindset and the ability to find refuge in meditation.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Marvin Belzer, PhD, provided a guided meditation podcast emphasising the simplicity of the process and the fact that its eminently “doable” – even if we have to fit it into a busy life by dedicating 3-5 minutes to focused attention on the present moment and our bodily sensations. He emphasised that it does not have to be difficult or challenging but does require effort and regular practice. He emphasised the need to avoid setting a goal that we pursued through meditation – this can create stress and distraction. His emphasis is on keeping it simple while paying attention to some aspect of our everyday life.

Marvin indicated that he has practised meditation for more than 30 years and has taught mindfulness for 20 years. He offered the meditation as part of the free weekly guided meditations provided by MARC, UCLA. His role in UCLA is that of Adjunct Professor of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences. He has taught mindfulness to many groups including semester-length courses for university students and courses for teens. We can gain some insight into Marvin’s mindfulness orientation by listening to his interview with Bob O’Haver on Bob’s “Why Meditate?” Podcast – the interview provides some insight into Marvin’s approach to meditation, mindful living, and the cultivation of compassion in our lives.

Guided meditationIn the guided meditation, Marvin maintains that by keeping the process simple, we can more readily access the calming effect of meditation and not be so readily distracted by complex or abstract thoughts. The focus is on the present moment awareness as we are experiencing it. His starting point is deep breathing to help us to ground ourselves – with a sigh on the out-breath. Marvin offers a choice of anchors – bodily sensations, surrounding sounds or our breath. He encourages us to sustain our attention on one of these anchors so that we can experience a sense of calm, peace and stability. Marvin emphasises that this simple approach to meditation can be a refuge in busy or turbulent times, if we make it a regular practice.

In his view, meditation enables us to pay attention to what is real in our life, not what we wished it would be. Marvin encourages us to persist with paying attention even when thoughts, emotions or sensations distract us from our focal anchor. He suggests that we adopt a playful approach to meditation not chiding ourselves, but noting something like, “There I go again, planning my day as if my life depended on it”. He recommends that even in this busy time of the year, with Christmas approaching, we can adopt the habit of brief meditations – a process I employ when “waiting” for someone or something, especially traffic lights.

Marvin encourages us to be non- judgmental towards ourselves but to “show up as we can”, given our commitments, health and family situation. This is sound advice as I often find myself, when I am unwell or have an injury, being critical of myself for not doing my Tai Chi mindfulness practice. His overall approach with his focus on simplicity and regularity is very encouraging.

Marvin also notes that sometimes we can be bored during meditation (I can relate to this!) but that boredom can be an important antidote to the endless stimulation provided by social media and invasive advertising. Our capacity to pay attention is continuously eroded by the “firehose of information” – a term used by Johann Hari in his book, Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention. If we persist with meditation despite our sense of boredom, we can reap the fruits of developing our awareness muscle and deepening our capacity to concentrate. It is critical for our mental health and the health of our minds to protect our attention.

ReflectionMarvin, like accomplished practitioners in many fields, is able to make complex concepts and processes simple. His approach encourages us to persist with meditation, no matter what is happening in our lives. He suggests, for example, that if we are anxious, we can pay attention to the bodily sensations of our anxiety – we can release any tension we locate or stay with the sensation in a softening, calming way through a compassionate body scan. As we grow in mindfulness through regular mindfulness practices such as meditation, we can access our inner landscape, enjoy tranquility, and gain clarity and insight.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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In their book, What Happened to You?, Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry, provide a chapter where they bring together an understanding of the wounds of trauma and their impact on relationships, communication between people and physical illness. Throughout, they stress the mind-body connection and how the brain processes experiences. Bruce’s explanations are lucid and, together with Oprah, he illuminates the ideas and concepts with stories and examples. Oprah draws on her own traumatic upbringing and thousands of interviews with traumatised individuals of all ages; Bruce draws on his research and clinical practice, especially with traumatised children. The book reflects decades of experience and the ongoing conversations between the authors.

The book is incredibly rich in ideas, insights and stories and I found that I was better able to absorb its content by listening to the CD-Audio version which is narrated by the authors as an everyday conversation. The interchange of ideas and experiences adds to the clarity of their explanations of the wounds of trauma and the elucidation of their impact in individual cases. With the audio version of the book, Bruce also provides a series of diagrams that illustrate the conceptual framework behind the book and the shared understandings.

Understanding the wounds of traumaBruce contends that trauma-related symptoms are often overlooked – they are assumed to result from a functional breakdown or represent psychosomatic illness. He maintains that the symptoms of the wounds are often “dismissed, missed and misunderstood” by doctors. He illustrates this by sharing the heart-rending story of Chiara who suffered from Diabetes and at age 16 was admitted to hospital in an unconscious state resulting from “diabetic coma”. His explanation of how doctors tried unsuccessfully to treat her highlighted the doctors’ blindspot in relation to the wounds of trauma. Bruce explains how he achieved an effective diagnosis of Chiara’s condition by identifying the trigger for her traumatic response and using his understanding of neuroscience to develop a treatment protocol implemented by the doctors.

Bruce explains that different physical symptoms – such as chest pains, headaches, abdominal pain and fainting – are all potentially related to a “sensitised stress response” resulting from trauma. When I heard him explain “fainting” as one potential impact of trauma memory, I recalled how often I used to faint in Church in my childhood – simultaneously, I was experiencing the trauma of a violent, alcoholic father suffering from PTSD as a result of war service and imprisonment in Changi. My doctor had no explanation for these fainting spells. However, at the time, my home environment was heavily charged with parental conflict – unfortunately, none of us understood trauma, PTSD and the full extent of the wounds and impact of trauma, including addiction.

The impact of trauma on communication and relationshipsBruce draws on the concept of “sequential processing” of the brain to explain the impact of trauma on communication and relationships. Basically, the concept involves recognising that all sensory experience is firstly processed by the “lower brain”. Part of this processing involves matching the new input with “the catalogues of stored memories of the past”. The degree of matching with a traumatic experience determines whether or not a maladaptive stress response occurs. The smart part of our brain, the Cortex, can be shut down when the perception of risk (as a result of current or prior trauma) is very high – so the “thinking brain” is drowned out by the “survival brain”.

Bruce illustrates this by sharing the story of 3 year old Joseph who witnessed the abduction of his 11 year old sister, which resulted in her murder. At the time, Bruce was working with the FBI Child Abduction and Serial Killer Taskforce. He discovered that the FBI officers were unable to get any useful explanation from Joseph and he was asked to work with the child to try to find out information necessary to find the perpetrator and enable a conviction. Bruce provides a very detailed explanation of how he went about winning the boy’s trust and gaining the necessary information for conviction of the murderer.

As part of Bruce’s explanation of his process with Joseph, he discusses the impact of the “power differential” between the FBI Officers/himself as a stranger and the 3 year old traumatised child. He explained that when you are the person with all the power, you can be unaware of it or its potential impact. This fact has been brought home to me many times in co-facilitating the Confident People Management Program over 15 years (involving 2,000 managers in multiple programs and locations). What we have found is that the majority managers on the program (mainly drawn from the public sector) are totally unaware of their power to shape the team culture. At the outset of the program we say to them, “What you say, how you say it, what you do, how you do it and what you omit to do, shapes team culture hour in and hour out every day” – we add “whether you are conscious of it or not”.

Bruce’s discussion of the impact of trauma on communication in relationships highlights the wisdom of this advice that we have been giving to managers. He explains that the goal of communication is to achieve a “Cortex to Cortex” transmission. However, on both sides of the communication (giver and receiver), rational thoughts are first processed through “the emotional filters of the lower brain”. Hence, the message can be distorted in its transmission and reception. He explains lucidly that “our facial expression, tone of voice and words are turned into neural activity by the other person’s senses” – they can trigger a traumatised response or build the relationship with staff through developing trust, mutual respect and safety. A by-product of this approach is the development of a sense of agency in the manager themselves. One of the participants on our program provided concrete evidence of the wounds of trauma and their impact when she explained that her current highly nervous state resulted from a manager shouting at her in front of other staff – this experience was traumatic for her, the impact being compounded by the power differential (and possibly stored memories of like, past adverse experiences).

ReflectionMany researchers and therapists talk about the wounds of trauma and their impact on relationships and communication. However, Bruce and Oprah in What Happened to You, “join the dots” and “pull it all together” from their decades of experience and ongoing conversations and collaboration. They enrich the meaning of the neuroscience concepts and insights with relatable stories that clearly illustrate the points they are making.

At one stage when talking about the power differential, Bruce mentioned that it may take 10 or more sessions before a client will feel safe and be prepared to “share some of their most emotionally difficult experiences” or acknowledge their contribution to those experiences. This discussion reminded me of my experience mentoring a manager who was traumatised on a daily basis by a narcissistic Director who continuously belittled him by publicly calling out his “mistakes” in front of his staff (sometimes the “mistakes were not his, but the Director’s). It took me 7 coaching sessions of 90 minutes each over a few months before he admitted that he was defensive in his communication. He said he experienced the insight as a “blow to his stomach” – an expression which showed the embodiment of his resistance resulting from the wounds of ongoing trauma and their impact on his feelings of safety while working with me (the “power differential” was at play in a major way as I had been engaged as a consultant by the Director to coach the “inefficient” manager). I have come to realise that in this interaction, I was an external consultant with a high degree of expert, personal and referent power – I was the one that was in a position of power, what Bruce describes as “at the top of the power differential”.

There is so much that plays out in our daily interactions that we are unaware of, especially if we are in a power position. We can grow in mindfulness and self-awareness through personal study, reflection and mindfulness practices such as meditation.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Tom Heah, a highly accredited mindfulness teacher, provides a guided meditation podcast on mindful movement, his particular area of expertise. Tom was an Occupational Therapist in Vancouver Canada until 2021 when he switched to offering mindfulness training to the Vancouver Center which focused on mental health and substance abuse. Tom has conducted many mindfulness training courses, including Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) and Mindful Awareness Practices (MAPs). He offers free access to guided audio versions of mindfulness practices incorporated in these courses – they are available for streaming and/or download. His recent mindful movement meditation was offered as the last of the 2022 weekly, UCLA online meditations. From 12 January 2023, the weekly meditations will resume as in-person, face-to-face sessions at the Hammer Museum with live streaming. The guided meditations will continue to be available in audio podcast form after the resumption.

Tom discusses the nature of mindfulness in terms of focusing on the internal and external sensations of the present moment. He suggests that this involves openness, interest and curiosity about our current reality, both internal and external. By focusing on the present moment, we resist the natural urge to ruminate about the past (experiences, mistakes, losses) or to worry about the future. Tom maintains that cultivated present moment awareness enables us to show up in the various arenas of our lives.

Tom highlights the fact that despite the festivities of the Christmas season, many people will be experiencing sadness through loss, isolation, loneliness, illness or conflict with relatives. He observes that people often cannot sit still when they are stressed – so he focuses on mindful movement in his guided meditation.

Guided mindful movement meditationFrom the outset of the mindful movement meditation, Tom stresses the need to stay within our own physical limits, engaging in the suggested movements only to the extent that they do not cause pain. The fundamental idea of mindful movement is to move parts of our body while breathing in a controlled way. The aim then is to focus on the bodily sensations experienced with each form of movement. Guided movements can be undertaken either standing or sitting, allowing for variations for the chosen posture.

In the guided movement meditation, Tom skilfully directs our movements while guiding our breathing – all the time reminding us not to stop breathing. Some of the movements involve raising both arms, moving our arms sideways and slowly moving the neck in a number of directions. It is important to follow the guidance provided so that we can remain focused on our bodily sensations, without thinking about the next step.

After completing the movement meditation, Tom guides us on a silent, still meditation where we can focus on an anchor of our choice to enable us to return to our focus when we become distracted by thinking or planning. The anchor could be our breathing, sounds that surround us or some form of bodily sensation such as our fingers touching.

ReflectionThe guided meditation provided by Tom is one of the many meditations that involve mindful movement. Others include Tai Chi and Yoga. As we grow in mindfulness through mindful movement meditations, we can develop new perspectives on old problems, respond to triggers in a more skilful way and experience greater ease and restfulness. Our increased bodily awareness can help us to better access the wisdom of the body and develop openness to our intuition.

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Allyson Pimentel. mindfulness teacher with the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC), UCLA, offers a guided meditation podcast titled, Mindfulness as Letting Go and Letting Be. She describes the meditation as a Compassionate Body Scan and notes that it’s an adaption from a book by Susan Pollak, Thomas Pedulla and Ronald D. Siegel, Sitting Together: Essential Skills for Mindfulness-Based Psychotherapy. While the Compassionate Body Scan is one of the many meditations offered for therapists working with clients, it has wider application for every-day use by non-therapists. To this end, the authors offer a series of audio meditation podcasts for personal use in downloadable format, along with handouts that list the steps in each mindfulness practice..

The Letting Go meditation offered by Allyson at the end of the 2022 is very timely as it coincides with a time when we have a natural tendency to review our year and begin to make resolutions about changes we want to make in our life. This could mean breaking free of the ties that bind us, e.g., shame, expectations, perfectionism, or fear of failure. It might entail overcoming self-protection or false beliefs that are preventing us from undertaking needed personal change. Alternatively, it could involve letting go of difficult emotions, such as anger, hatred and resentment.

Allyson reminds us that mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment as it is – not as we wish it to be. In this sense, it requires us to let go of “fantasy” and get in touch with our reality as it is, not distorted by wishful thinking. Her guided meditation involves adopting an attitude of compassion towards ourselves as we scan our bodies and get in touch with the here-and-now bodily sensations we are experiencing. Unlike some other forms of body scan, the focus of the compassionate body scan is not on release of tension but softening the sensation – staying with the discomfort and noticing how it changes over time as you soften its intensity. Allyson points out that the process “can begin to soften the hardened, contracted aspects of our life, our bodies, our minds”.

Guided meditationAt the outset. Allyson explains that letting go within the meditation is not an active process such as throwing out unwanted materials but a passive process of “letting be” – noticing and accepting what is. The goal is to develop “clear insight” into our current reality as reflected in our bodily sensations. Freedom lies in relating to ‘what is” with kindness and self-compassion, however painful. She quotes an insightful poem by a friend that acknowledges “the pain of letting go what defines yourself”.

During the guided meditation, Allyson helps us to focus on various body parts, starting with our forehead and extending to our feet, all the time bringing compassion to ourselves. This is a particular form of meditation that is better with a guide as it helps us to focus on our bodily sensations and supports us to soften our sensations rather than adopt the habituated behaviour of attempting to remove or release them. The meditation component of the podcast is about 20 minutes.

ReflectionDuring the guided meditation, I became conscious of my efforts at letting go when playing social tennis. After having played team tennis competitions for two decades, I had developed an ingrained “need to win”. I have had to progressively curb my need to win each point, each game, my own service game and eventually each set. Underpinning this letting go is the need to let go of the image of myself as a very fit 40 year old playing A-Grade tennis. The reality is that I am 76 years of age and losing strength in my arms, wrists and legs – my current reality, not my “fantasy’. The last milestone in letting go of my “need-to-win” mindset, is being able to genuinely “savour the wins of others” – the winning shots of my opponents.

At the outset of the guided meditation, Allyson encourages us to take in our environment. Fortuitously, I had decided to undertake the guided meditation while seated on our back deck – not in my office as I usually do. The environment I was able to take in was very calming and pleasant – the warm sun of a Summer’s afternoon, glimpses of Moreton Bay and the islands, a very blue cloudless sky, a gentle cooling breeze and the sounds of Rainbow Lorikeets returning to their nightly resting place.

Gabor Maté, leading trauma expert, reminds us in his latest book, The Myth of Normal, that healing “starts with waking up…to what our bodies are expressing and our minds are suppressing”. Edith Eger, holocaust survivor and world-renowned psychologist, suggests that what we need to do is to “remove the concentration camp of our mind” – thus choosing freedom over victimhood.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection and guided meditations, we grow in self-awareness – awareness of our bodies, our mindset, the thoughts and emotions that are holding us back from genuine healing and growth. We need to give ourselves compassion and kindness as we are letting go. Allyson maintains that this process enables us to live our life with greater wisdom and skills and greater compassion towards others.

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Trauma is a complex area and the process of recovery is rarely linear. It often involves progress/regress over an extended period, sometimes a lifetime. Various experts have studied trauma and its impacts from multiple perspectives, drawing on research, clinical practice and reflection on their personal experience. They have adopted different approaches to facilitating recovery from trauma, recognising that the experience of a traumatic event and its subsequent impacts vary from individual to individual. Health Means bring many of these conceptual and practical perspectives together in their Biology of Trauma 2.0 Summit.

Recovering from trauma and its impactsThere can be differential impacts for people witnessing the same traumatising event, such as a mass shooting, sudden death of a close relative or a car accident. The depth of trauma response, according to Bruce Perry, is influenced by the timing, pattern and intensity of the initiating event as well as the degree of mitigating factors, especially “relational health” – the quality of connectedness and of supportive relationships. In his view, “connectedness can counterbalance adversity”. Improving relational health with a therapist as well as supportive others is a key element in recovering from trauma. Dr. Elena Villanueva provides a pathway to relational health by offering a group-based recovery process, incorporating facilitation by health experts and a personal care plan. Her holistic process is offered in the form of a Mind/Body/Energy Program. Bruce Perry is a co-author with Oprah Winfrey of the book, What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing.

Bessel van der Kolk places considerable emphasis on the “visceral impact” of trauma – the generation of deep inner feelings. He argues that recovery processes should focus on the “emotional brain”, rather than the “rational brain’. He maintains that the mind-body influence is bi-directional and that a person can experience “visceral overload” when exposed to a traumatic event. He suggests employing healing modalities that recognise the mind-body-emotion connection, such as movement (e.g., Tai Chi), singing or chanting, and a wide range of mindfulness practices. Bessel is the author of The Body Keeps the Score: brain and body in the transformation of trauma.

Dr. Arielle Schwartz draws on neuropsychotherapy when treating traumatised people. This integrated mind-body approach incorporates psychotherapy practices along with neuroscience findings. She contends that it is possible to develop resilience through trauma recovery. Her approach is multi-modal, incorporating practices as diverse as exploration of family history, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), somatic therapy and mindfulness. Relationship building, positive psychology, reflection, reprocessing and resilience development are integral to her approach. Arielle is the author of The Post-Traumatic Guidebook: Practical Mind-Body Tools to Heal Trauma, Foster Resilience and Awaken Your Potential.

Gabor Maté agrees with the approach of exploring what happened to a traumatised person, rather than trying to find out “what’s wrong with them”. He also adopts a non-judgmental approach to addiction, asserting that many people who suffer from addiction have experienced trauma in their life. In line with this thinking, he adopts and teaches an approach he calls “compassionate inquiry” which among other things helps a person to discover their “negative self-messaging” resulting from the experience of trauma. He aims to help the traumatised person to confront and name the underlying pain resulting from an identified trauma. He also employs a holistic approach incorporating “body-work”, mindfulness, connection with nature and self-care approaches such as proper nutrition and stress management. Gabor is the author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction.

Trauma-Sensitive MindfulnessDavid Treleaven, creator of the Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness Podcast, discusses the importance of understanding the window of tolerance when working with people who have experienced trauma. The window of tolerance is the level of arousal that an individual can tolerate in a productive way – they are able to share, process, and receive information when they are within this personally tolerable zone. Trauma, such as that suffered by some people during the pandemic, reduces the window of tolerance. David stresses the need to offer people who have been traumatised a choice of meditation anchors to avoid unconsciously triggering a trauma response. He is also acutely aware of the need to ensure that mindfulness practices are accessible for people with disabilities, especially physical disabilities. David is the author of Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing.

There is widespread recognition that various forms of mindfulness can assist in trauma recovery. However, researchers and clinical practitioners such as Sam Himelstein, who has dedicated many years to working with traumatised teenagers, highlight the need to tread cautiously and sensitively when dealing with people who have experienced trauma. Sam offers insightful principles and guidelines for trauma-informed mindfulness. He found too that in some situations a conventional approach to mindfulness would not work as it would take a traumatised teenager outside their window of tolerance. He found, for example, that listening to music together built a connection and a trusting relationship so that the impacted teenager felt free to begin sharing both their trauma experience and what was happening for them. Sam is the author of Trauma-Informed Mindfulness with Teens: A Guide for Mental Health Professionals.

ReflectionRecovery from trauma frequently involves some form of somatic therapy such as somatic meditation, resting in your body or resting in your breath. This is often supplemented by other therapies that address the visceral impact of trauma, negative self-thoughts, supportive relationships and the flow of energy in the body. Overall, the complexity of trauma suggests the need for a holistic approach, as adopted by most of the practitioners discussed in this post. Health practitioners are becoming increasingly creative as they develop a deepened understanding of trauma and its impacts.

Underpinning many of the approaches discussed is mindfulness practice in one form or another. It is acknowledged that as we grow in mindfulness, we can identify our own traumas and their impacts, strengthen our connectedness and relationships, build resilience and adopt a positive mindset. Dr. Edith Eger, Auschwitz survivor and author of The Choice: A True Story of Hope, encourages us to explore our “inner landscape” and move from a victim mindset to true freedom.

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Vy Van Le provides a guided meditation podcast focused on becoming reacquainted with your body as part of the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) weekly meditation sessions conducted in person at the Hammer Museum and online via Zoom. Vy is a highly qualified mindfulness trainer and coach who facilitates the Mindful Awareness Practices Classes at MARC, UCLA.

Vy’s background before becoming a mindfulness practitioner and trainer was in maths, biotech business development and management consulting. Through mindfulness practice and training, she realised that she spent so much time in her head, disconnected from her body. She could relate to James Joyce’s comment in The Dubliners , “Mr. Puddy lived a short distance from his body”. This realisation led her to focus on embodiment mindful practices and to provide mindfulness training to individuals of all ages ranging from teenagers to retirees, as well as professionals particularly those in healthcare.

Vy contends that we are often numb to our bodies and that it is important to cultivate a relationship with our body and the intuitive wisdom and “gut feeling” of our body. She maintains that the body is a doorway to the present moment and bodily awareness is a means of developing self-compassion and aliveness. Vy argues that somatic meditation can help us to achieve a genuine connection with ourselves in a world where disconnection is a source of widespread depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation.

Guided meditation for resting in your bodyIn the guided meditation podcast, Vy encourages you to concentrate on bodily sensations as you undertake a body scan. Her scan process is focused more on awareness of bodily sensations than release of related tension in specific bodily parts. However, one of the participants in her recent meditation session commented that “her shoulders were relaxed by the end of the meditation”, instead of raised in a tense position “as if carrying the weight of the world”.

Vy encourages you to progressively scan your body which is something that you can do at anytime or anywhere. You might, for instance, notice the following sensations in parts of your body indicated below;

• Thighs – the pressure from your chair or floor; muscle movement or tautness; sense of being held up/supported
• Feet – sense of groundedness and connection to the earth; swelling or numbness; soreness from walking or running
• Toes – tingling; flexing; cramping; alive or lifeless
• Shoulders – soreness; stiffness; arched or compacted; strong or week
• Fingers – tingling; stiffness; knuckle soreness; sense of control
• Forehead – tightness; creasing; pain; agitation; clarity or calmness
• Arms – muscle twitching; aches; sense of strength and self-reliance
• Knees – softness behind the knee; soreness or tingling; sense of being supported
• Chest or abdomen – the rise and fall with breathing; tight or relaxed
• Nose – warmth or coolness from the in and out breath; blocked or open.

Your breath, feet and fingers can be anchors in this developing sea of awareness about your body. You can re-focus on any of these aspects if your mind becomes a source of distraction. Repeatedly returning to an anchor develops your awareness muscle and heightens your connectedness to your body.

While it is useful for you to undertake this form of body scan meditation yourself as a regular practice, it is really helpful in establishing the practice to be guided by a skill facilitator like Vy. This enables you to concentrate on your inner and outer bodily sensations and not have to think about the next step – to just go with the flow of her guidance.

ReflectionI found this guided meditation, led by Vy, to be particularly restful. It developed a sense of resting in my body, away from the thoughts and cares of the world. There is something peaceful and encouraging about being fully connected with your own body. In lots of ways, this body scan meditation can be a source of refuge in difficult times. It is amazing how often we ignore our body – even trying to “soldier on” when we are experiencing post-traumatic stress effects from adverse childhood or adult experiences.

Oprah Winfrey provides evidence of this “masking” in her co-authored book, What Happened to You?, when she quotes a discussion with Cynthia Bond, author of Ruby, Cynthis described the devastating impact on her whole life and career from trauma, including sexual abuse as a child. Cynthia explained that she tried unsuccessfully to “bury it”, hoping “that the ache would go away”.

The guided scan mediation offered by Vy helps us to grow in mindfulness – to become increasingly self-aware in relation to our body, to develop a sense of self-gentleness and self-compassion and to become more fully alive and present to our current reality.

I realised during the course of the guided meditation that my mindfulness practice when waiting, e.g., at traffic lights, is a form of embodied meditation. Instead of becoming annoyed with the traffic or particular drivers, I focus on my joined fingers that are resting on my lap and concentrate on the sensations I am experiencing through my fingertips, e.g., warmth, tingling, blood flow, and soreness (sometimes). This embodied practice is really grounding for me and increases my bodily awareness.

Embodiment has become a strongly emerging theme in the mindfulness movement, e.g., The Embodiment Conference provides access to many experts in areas such as dance and creativity, yoga, trauma and social change, and movement and anatomy. Free access is provided from 10th-14th December 2022.

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In their book, What Happened to You?, Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey discuss sources of trauma and their impact on people’s lives. Bruce draws on extensive research as a neuroscientist and years of clinical practice as a child psychologist. Oprah explains that her insights are drawn from more than 50,000 interviews conducted over a lifetime of discussing trauma with people of all ages.

I’ve been listening to the CD-Audio version of the book and it is quite fascinating to hear the interaction between the authors – Oprah and a world-famous brain and trauma expert – as they share personal stories and understanding about patterns in human behaviour catalysed by trauma. The focus is not on “what’s wrong with you” but “what happened” for you. After listening to the first few chapters focused on the biological, psychological and behavioural impacts of trauma, I thought it appropriate to share reflections on my own life stimulated by hearing the conversations between Bruce and Oprah.

The conversations are very rich with personal stories, case studies and scientific insights (illustrated through very clear and cogently explained diagrams provided in PDF format). They spontaneously stimulate personal recall and reflections and I have attempted to capture some of my insights about my personal experience in the following:

Striving for balance

Bruce and Oprah highlight the impact of trauma in creating a “distorted worldview” and throwing our overall stress response system “out of balance”. This loss of balance results in “emotional dysregulation” and dysfunctional behaviour. The stress response of a previously traumatised individual is “sensitive” to cues that are perceived as threatening and can lead to maladaptive behaviour because of distorted perception of the cue, e.g., a sound, sight, smell.

I spent 18 months in an orphanage owing to my mother’s serious illness and my father’s posting overseas. I was about four years old at the time and I recall that when I first left the orphanage I used to be terrified of the moon and adopted evasive behaviour – having not seen the moon before as a toddler. My younger sister ran away from school in Year One because she was traumatised by the period that we spent in the orphanage separated from each other (boys and girls were kept apart).

Oprah and Bruce make the point that we are continuously trying to seek balance in our life – we attempt to offset the pain of loneliness or the pain of fear by seeking “rewards”. These rewards can take many forms but often lead to addiction – to drugs, alcohol, food, or aberrant behaviour. The need-to-please is but one example of this ineffectual “seeking rewards” and I can identify that set of behaviours in my early twenties.

Bruce points out that the real rewards lie in realising our personal “rhythm” and achieving connectedness (and associated sense of belonging). He maintains that each of us has a personal rhythm that is different for different individuals. He mentions the response of a young child to behaviour designed to achieve a relaxing rhythm – we can relate to the child that needs to be hugged to “settle”, another that needs to be pushed in a pram, while a third child has to go for a drive in a car before they will settle (or alternatively, as I found with one of my young daughters, avoiding car trips and walking instead).

Bruce suggests that each of us can increase our sense of calm and reduce agitation if we engage in activities that align with our personal rhythm – for me, that means engaging in the reflective activity of writing or walking, the smooth motion of Tai Chi or adopting a mindful approach to playing social tennis (through conscious breathing, visualisation, recall of personal competence in other settings and adopting an intentional mindset informed by reflection on my mistakes and behaviour during a game of tennis).

Both Bruce and Oprah assert that we need a “healthy combination of rewards”, and that “personal connectedness” is the real reward that can offset the “pull of addictive behaviour”. For both, connectedness in the form of “positive interaction with people” is not only rewarding but also assists with the development of emotional regulation (offsetting dysregulation). I’ve found connectedness on a personal and professional level that has helped me to achieve a sense of balance and self-worth. My current marriage (of 37 years) is especially affirming, and my professional relationships developed through my work in the action learning arena have countered any sense of isolation or negative thoughts of not contributing.

Experience of being loved

Both Oprah and Bruce argue that the way we were loved as children influences our capacity for love and the way we go about giving and receiving love. A critical parent will beget a child who is sensitive to being criticised and yet be highly critical as a parent. In their view, “safe and stable nurturing” is an essential environment for developing the capacity to love – the absence of such an environment can negatively impact our “regulatory network”, our neural development and biology, and lead to dysfunctional behaviour. Oprah maintains that “dysfunction shows up in direct proportion to how you were or were not loved”. Bruce argues that a pattern of love that is attentive, responsive and attuned creates predictability and develops resilience.

My experience of being loved as I was growing up is very mixed. I experienced unconditional love from my mother, while from my father my experience was one of disconnection and for the most part, disinterest. While Oprah and Bruce discuss situations where an individual experiences genuine carer’s love in their early years and discuss, in-depth, the impacts of a lack of love, I have not yet encountered in their conversations a situation where the childhood experience of love is very mixed.

My mother worked most of her life to keep the five of us fed and educated – at a time when the stay-at-home wife was the dominant role of women. Her efforts were supported by food packages dropped off by volunteers of the St. Vincent de Paul Society. She desired the best for each of us and was warm and loving, always putting our needs before her own. Oprah and Bruce highlight the positive impact of attentiveness to the needs of a child as a key to balanced personal development.

In contrast, my father was absent for five years in my early childhood and when he returned (after fighting in World War 11 and being a member of the Occupation Forces in Japan), he became a violent alcoholic who frequently hurt my mother and made our life hell. We often lived in fear as he was not only very strong but had been a very successful professional boxer. He created a fearful and unpredictable environment that left us all in a high state of arousal and anxiety. His love was uncertain, punctuated as it was by periods of disinterest and angry outbursts. I only understood years later that his “emotional dysregulation” was a result of his own traumas and PTSD (having been injured in the war by a bomb, captured and confined for three years in Changi prison in Singapore). It is difficult to conceive of the horrors that he must have experienced and the flashbacks that tortured him.

Bruce maintains that where a young child experiences unpredictable behaviour on the part of the caregiver, they can live in fear. Besides the freeze/fight/flight pattern this can lead to dissociation – where we disengage from the external environment to focus on our inner world. Bruce states that we each engage in dissociation when we allow our mind to wander or daydream. It becomes a problem when this is a frequent behaviour or leads to an ever-deeper withdrawal. My teachers used to write on my report card that I daydreamed excessively. I can also recall times when I dissociated because the events that I was encountering were too fearful and/or conflicting for me to bear.

Reflection

I have experienced multiple traumas in my life and continuously seek to understand their impacts on my behaviour. For instance, I find that I talk to women more easily than men (a residual effect of my ambiguous and unpredictable relationship with my father). I also dislike elevators, preferring to walk up stairs – a result of being confined in an orphanage in my early years and being boarded in a convent in Grade 2, 100 kilometers from home and my parents. Oprah and Bruce provide a very digestible way for each of us to explore the impact of trauma in our lives – and gain an understanding that can lead to behavioural change and genuine self-acceptance.

I have found that as I grow in mindfulness through my research of trauma and practice of meditation and reflection, I have gained increasing self-awareness and emotional regulation. It has helped me to experience calmness and develop resilience in my life.

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Allyson Pimentel, in a guided meditation podcast, reminds us of the benefits of mindfulness that have been confirmed through neuroscience. Allyson is a mindfulness teacher with the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC), UCLA. She often leads the mindful awareness sessions, held weekly at the Hammer Museum and/or online.

Allyson defines mindfulness as “deliberately paying attention to what’s happening around you, within you and between you [and others]”. She asserts, along with other meditation teachers, that this means accepting “what is” while adopting a non-critical and non-judgmental stance. Our thoughts can be a distraction from this deliberate attention giving but, as Allyson points out, the role of the brain is to think. Our brains are designed to enable planning, memorizing, remembering/recalling. analyzing, critiquing, creating and comparing. In mindfulness meditation, we develop our awareness muscle by constantly returning to our anchor, not sustaining the distraction but treating it as clouds passing by.

One of the anchors that Allyson addresses during the guided meditation is listening to sounds. She suggests that our ears are a doorway to the outside world and all that is happening there. She argues that our senses – hearing, tasting, touching, seeing, smelling – are effortless tools for accessing the external world. She quotes from the poem of Joy Harjo, Remember, to reinforce the beauty and diversity that is around us to take in, if we are mindful – the plants, animals, dawn, sundown, earth, stars, and everything else that makes up our universe, including our parents and siblings and our ancestors who have gone before us. Joy Harjo is an acclaimed poet who was appointed United States poet laureate in 2019 and is the Chancellor of the Academy of Academic Poets.

Guided meditation Allyson encourages us at the outset of the meditation to become comfortable, something that is different for every person depending on their current level of health and wellness and their means of physical comfort. Once we are physically comfortable, we can employ a strategy to become grounded and focused – for some it may mean taking a deep breath or for others it will involve stretching or yawning. Allyson invites us to close our eyes “so that our inner eyes can open”.

In the next stage of the guided meditation, she encourages us to listen to the sounds within us and around us – and to do so without interpretation, just opening our ears. Sounds can provide us with an anchor if our thoughts wander. However, I personally find them more of a distraction than using the alternative anchor Allyson proposes, our breath.

Allyson encourages us when using breath as anchor to try to locate the place in our body where we can best sense our breathing – chest, abdomen, or nose. Then to focus on the sensations associated with our breath, e.g., hot or cold, calm or agitated, slow or fast, deep or shallow. Our breath can be a doorway to ease and tranquility, provided it is not a stimulus to a trauma response. Many mindfulness teachers encourage us to choose a meditation anchor that best suits us individually and encourage us to be conscious of trauma-sensitive options. Allyson builds in this sensitivity throughout her guided meditation, including providing choice of posture, grounding technique and anchor.

Reflection Stillness and silence provided through meditation enables us to surf the “waves” of life, and not go under when we encounter turbulence. Allyson’s guided meditation reminds us about how easy it is to access our breath which is always with us in the present moment. Meditation can enable us to develop a profound consciousness of our breath, as well as the sounds that surround us.

As we grow in mindfulness through meditation practices, we can experience ease and tranquility, develop the capacity to deal constructively with life’s challenges and open our minds and hearts to others as we increase our awareness of our connectedness.

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We have each experienced situations where someone seems to overact to what appears to be a minor stimulus – a sound, a sight, something said, or a gentle touch on the arm. For example, I have seen people become hysterical while just observing a one-on-one facilitation process or hearing a very loud note sung close to them. More than likely, we have each observed a disruptive person in a team meeting or training course, someone who is withdrawn and refuses to engage in conversation or someone who is overly aggressive. Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey in their e-book, What Happened to You? maintain that understanding the impact of trauma on others helps us to build tolerance for what seems initially to be aberrant behaviour. They argue that the foundation for that understanding is learning about how our brains operate.

Understanding how our brains workBruce illustrates the processes of the brain by showing an inverted triangle with the cortex at the top and the “lower brain” or reptilian brain at the bottom. While the cortex enables us to think, create and plan and is conscious of time (past, present and future), the lower part of the brain has no sense of time but serves to regulate bodily functions. The fundamental problem with our emotional and behavioural response to stimuli is that all sensory input (perceptions) are first processed in the lower part of the brain and interpreted there after matching with prior experiences (which are stored along with the emotional content). This is why someone who shares a disturbing event with others can become quite emotional even when the event occurred many years before.

The associated problem is that sensory input (sight, sound, taste, touch and smell) can stimulate recall of a traumatic experience – “a powerful, frightening or isolating sensory experience”. Bruce discusses a case study of a veteran of the Korean war experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The sound of a motorcycle backfiring would generate an “extreme survival response” such as immediately lying prone on the ground behind some form of shelter. David comments that what was originally an “adaptive protective memory” (for surviving in the trenches “where you had to keep your head down”), had become a maladaptive behavioural response. The veteran’s life became “miserable” because he was frequently startled, always on the alert (scanning a room or the environment continuously) and often “jumpy”.

Maladaptive responsesOprah pointed out that people like the veteran who have maladaptive responses to stimuli, often ask “What’s wrong with me?” The book she has produced with David, changes the focus to “What happened to you”. Understanding what people have experienced and the depth of the impact on their lives helps to build tolerance and empathy, and ideally, compassionate action. David explained that for each of us “every moment builds upon all other moments that come before”. The net result of our personal history shaping our brain’s development is that “each of our brains are unique” – our experiences, traumatic and otherwise, shape our perceptions of the world, what we feel and how we respond.

Oprah describes in detail her own traumatic experiences and maintains from her numerous interviews with people who have experienced trauma, that the result is often self-sabotage in the form of addiction, abuse, promiscuity or “the need-to-please”. She argues that there is considerable work to be done by the individual and their therapist to identify the trauma-inducing event, the “evocative cues”, and the related emotional and behavioral responses.

ReflectionWe can become more tolerant of other people if we acknowledge David’s findings (developed through neuroscience and clinical practice) that “each of us sees and understands the world in a unique way” – and this conclusion applies to us also! Our view of the world is not the only view nor is it necessarily complete, accurate or uncontaminated by our life experiences. We are challenged to recognise our own fallibility, especially if we too have had traumatic experiences that will have shaped our perceptions and responses. We can build our tolerance of others too if we work to understand what trauma does to the brain and its impact on behavioural responses. David suggests that we approach others with a degree of “curiosity”, wanting to understand what happened to them (not what’s wrong with them). Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations, encourages us to cultivate openness and curiosity – to replace criticism with understanding.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, journalling, research and meditation, we can develop greater openness and curiosity, increase our self-awareness (including of the impacts of trauma on our own emotional and behavioural responses) and cultivate understanding, empathy and compassion.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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Many writers and researchers today report on the power of gratitude while drawing on neuroscience research and reports of individuals who have changed their life for the better by developing a gratitude mindset.  Kute Blackson, in a video podcast on the topic, maintains that gratitude has an expansive characteristic – the more you are grateful … Continue reading "Accessing the Power of Gratitude"

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Diana Winston from MARC, UCLA, offers a guided meditation podcast on “kindness” and she maintains that we can make a real difference in the world by spreading kindness at a time when there is so much local, national and international conflict.  Her loving kindness meditation cultivates mindfulness and a gratitude mindset for the practitioner and … Continue reading "Making a Difference by Spreading Kindness"

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Often we are weighed down by our past actions, words and omissions.  In Lighter, yung pueblo offers us a way to “let go of the past” in order to expand our future.   Central to this lighter life is self-love.  To achieve genuine self-love, according to yung, we need to make three core changes to our … Continue reading "Developing Self-Love to Realise Our Potential"

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Healing from trauma in a sustainable way requires three main conditions, (1) understanding the complexity of trauma, (2) adopting a holistic healing perspective and (3) providing social support.  Unfortunately, as trauma expert Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein points out, when we observe poor behaviours on the part of people who have experienced trauma, we assume they are … Continue reading "Healing from Trauma in a Sustainable Way"

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Dr. Elena Villanueva, health influencer and international speaker and podcaster, provides a comprehensive insight into trauma and its health impacts in a 5-part Trauma Masterclass.  Elena adopts a unique approach to trauma recovery and healing by engaging a specialist team, adopting a holistic health perspective and employing multiple modalities (in excess of 24 tools/techniques).  She … Continue reading "Recovering from the Impacts of Trauma"

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In a recent guided meditation podcast, Radiating Kindness Practice, Diana Winston reinforced the view that kindness is integral to mindfulness – kindness to ourselves and others.  She maintained that being kinder to ourselves (e.g. overcoming negative self-evaluation) and to others (loving kindness towards both people we love and those we dislike), is embedded in meditation.  … Continue reading "Integrating Kindness with Mindfulness Meditation"

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Jeff Brown, author and self-transformation expert, places considerable emphasis on authenticity in his writing, his public speaking and his personal life.  He regularly identifies ways to develop authenticity and, in particular, explains why he values writing as a pathway to authenticity.  He notes that through writing, he came to identify his life’s purpose and realise … Continue reading "Writing for Authenticity"

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Allyson Pimentel presented a guided meditation on “Mindfulness” for the MARC, UCLA  meditation podcast series.  In the meditation, she described mindfulness as paying attention in the present moment with an attitude of acceptance and kindness and a  “willingness to be with things as they are”.   She suggested that mindfulness can be either formal (as with … Continue reading "Mindfulness Meditation – Being With Things As They Are"

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Neuroscience research has demonstrated that gratitude is a source of wellness and joy if we choose to practise it on a regular basis.  Louie Schwartzberg in his latest film, Gratitude Revealed, identifies a number of pathways that can develop gratitude and appreciation in our lives and lead to health, happiness and lasting joy.  Louie – … Continue reading "Pathways to Gratitude and Joy"

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Negativity and cynicism can develop in a team and become contagious leading to a toxic work environment.  Rollin McCraty, PhD, in his online Heart Science Course maintains that attitudes such as cynicism and negativity, along with challenging emotions like anger, resentment and anxiety, deplete energy – they drain energy and lead to loss of motivation … Continue reading "9 Strategies for Managing Cynicism and Negativity in Your Work Team"

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In a previous post, I discussed the story of Anna Kent as a midwife volunteering in South Sudan in terms of the first 8 stages of the Hero’s Journey.  What I will discuss now is her Sudan story expressed in terms of the final stages of the hero’s journey (Stage 9-12).  I’ll be drawing again … Continue reading "The Final Stages of the Hero’s Journey for the Frontline Midwife"

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Anna Kent has provided a thought-provoking memoir in her book, Frontline Midwife: My Story of Survival and Keeping Others Safe.  The “frontline” theme of her memoir enriches our understanding of this concept.  Anna’s story recounts how she undertook nine months service with Doctors Without Borders (Médecins Sans Frontières, MSF) in South Sudan – where the … Continue reading "Mindfulness on the Path of a Hero’s Journey"

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Vy Le, international meditation teacher, provided a guided meditation podcast on Doorways to the Present Moment as part of the weekly meditation series offered by the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC), UCLA.  Vy is the Founder and Managing Director of the In Wave Group dedicated to developing a culture of well-being and resilience in organisations … Continue reading "Accessing Doorways to the Present Moment"

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Dr. Dale Bredesen, author of The End of Alzheimer’s, in an interview podcast with Kirkland Newman, indicated that he was the theoretician oversighting the work of his team engaged in clinical trials to prevent and reverse Alzheimer’s.  He also introduced Dr. Kat Toups as the practitioner and Principal Researcher for the clinical trials.  Kat specialises … Continue reading "Preventing and Reversing Alzheimer’s – Dr. Kat Toups"

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Kirkland Newman, researcher, writer and philanthropist, has established the MIndHealth360 website to make free resources and solutions available to anyone who wants to access information on mental health issues.  She shares her vision of an integrative approach to mental health through her advocacy of functional medicine psychiatry – an approach that does not just look … Continue reading "Preventing Alzheimer’s – It’s Not What You Think"

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In an earlier post, I explored the concept of authenticity and ways to develop it – after listening to a presentation by Jeff Brown at the Surrender Summit.  This exposure to Jeff and his thinking stimulated my reading of his early book, Soulshaping, A Journey of Self-Creation – a revealing memoir that tracks his outer … Continue reading "Life Shaping Events and People: Finding Our Way Home"

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I have been reflecting on Jeff Brown’s comments about the journey into authenticity and particularly what he had to say about savouring the accomplishments and wins of others.  He comments for example, “I love it when people accomplish something they have set out to do”.   My reflection helped me realise that I have been pursuing … Continue reading "Savouring the Wins of Others"

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Jeff Brown spoke recently at the Surrender Summit on the topic, The Power of Authenticity.  Jeff is an author, expert in personal transformation and a lifetime seeker of his own authenticity.  He does not only talk about authenticity; he pursues it relentlessly and tirelessly in his own life and work. Jeff experienced adverse childhood experiences … Continue reading "How to Develop Authenticity"

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Recently the First Person Plural: EI and Beyond podcast featured Professor George Hohlrieser (Lausanne, Switzerland) discussing, How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict.  The podcast series involving collaboration between Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence), his son Hanuman Goleman and Emotional Intelligence (EI) coach Elizabeth Solomon, is designed to raise listeners’ awareness through stories provided on interview … Continue reading "Managing Conflict"

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Presenters at the Anxiety Super Conference reinforced the view that adverse childhood experiences provided the foundation for anxiety in later life.  The early childhood experiences could involve sexual and/or physical abuse, psychological control, cruelty, demeaning words and actions or any other form of adversity that undermines a child’s self-esteem, sense of self-worth and security.  The … Continue reading "Overcoming Anxiety"

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After writing multiple posts about personal resilience over the past five years, I have turned my attention to the task of building team resilience.  This has always been a challenge for managers but the issues have been compounded by the challenging times we are experiencing at the moment (with the global pandemic, war in Ukraine … Continue reading "How to Build Team Resilience: The 10 C’s"

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The Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) at UCLA offers weekly guided meditation podcasts on a wide range of topics and issues.  In one of the recent meditation podcasts Diana Winston, Director of Mindfulness Education at MARC focused on “Practices in Difficult Times” – providing several mindfulness practices designed to help us achieve calmness, manage our … Continue reading "Ways to Manage Ourself During Difficult Times"

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In a number of forums, Ginny Whitelaw, author of Resonate: Zen and the Way of Making a Difference, expressed concern about society today and the global (dis)order.  She attributes much of what is happening to an “extractive mindset” – extracting earth’s resources, taking for oneself at others’ expense, wasting needlessly, endangering the planet with pollution … Continue reading "From Inward to Outward: Creating and Realizing a New Order"

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In an earlier post, I talked about our loss of attention through the “fire hose” of continual information dissemination and the incessant temptation of social media.  I mentioned that one of the costs of this overload and overwhelm is a loss of the capacity to achieve “flow” – a state of total immersion, energizing involvement … Continue reading "Achieving Flow through Preparation, Focus and Attention"

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Previously I discussed the prospect of undertaking a personal life review by chunking up the task and focusing on some aspect of your life, e.g. self-care plan, putting yourself in other’s shoes (role reversal), reviewing your life purpose (what gives meaning to your life) or addressing the questions that arise from near-death experiences or the … Continue reading "Life Review:  How are You Protecting Your Attention?"

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In a previous post I discussed the life review process when it occurs during a near-death experience or when a person is dying.  While millions of people have reported near-death experiences (NDE’s), not everyone has the privilege of having this experience.  If we wait till we are dying, we may find that we are overwhelmed … Continue reading "Undertaking a Life Review"

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Authors who have reported research into near-death experiences (NDE’s) invariably describe the “life review” as an integral part of the experience, along with many other elements.  While researchers and writers in the area of NDE’s confirm that every near-death experience is different in its dimensions and intensity for everyone (no two are exactly the same), … Continue reading "The Ripple Effect of Your Life – Choosing What Effect You Will Have"

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We all experience adversity and setbacks – it is how we deal with them that shapes who we are and what we are capable of.  Sometimes the setback is so great that it throws us completely off balance – at other times, it involves a minor and temporary dislocation.  Shelly Tygielski, in her course The … Continue reading "Building Resilience One Step at a Time"

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Shelly Tygielski is an advocate for translating mindfulness practices and related self-care approaches into community action.  Shelly herself epitomizes this translation, being a trauma counsellor for surviving victims of mass shootings in the US and for refugees from Ukraine in Poland.  She advocates strongly for both self-care and community care and argues that you cannot … Continue reading "Showing Up for Community Care"

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Shelly Tygielski – activist, author and mindfulness teacher – was recently interviewed by Fleet Maull as co-host of the Self-Care Summit.  Shelly’s lifetime focus is on self-care with an emphasis on transforming self-care into care for the community.  She is a living example of her beliefs and has worked with trauma sufferers including refugees from … Continue reading "Self-Care for Community Care"

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These are challenging times that place stress on every aspect of our lives.  The natural human tendency is to go with the flow and try to keep up with all kinds of commitments – family, community and work.  We can succumb to the pace of modern life and the expectations of achievement that we place … Continue reading "Simple Steps for Self-Care"

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Kimberly Snyder recently released her new book, You Are More Than You Think You Are: Practical Enlightenment for Everyday Life.  While the book is replete with practical everyday advice and personal anecdotes, it is essentially a call to realise our full potential.  In this sense it resonates strongly with Kute Blackson’s call to take the … Continue reading "Realising Our Full Potential"

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Dr. Arielle Schwartz as the first presenter of the Rise Summit: Transforming Trauma demonstrated her wealth of experience as a clinical psychologist and deep insight into trauma recovery.  She openly shared her own early experience of traumatic events that left her dissociated and disconnected.  At the same time, Arielle provided hope for recovery as she … Continue reading "Developing Resilience through Trauma Recovery"

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Kute Blackson, presenting during the 2021 The Best Year of Your Life Summit, spoke energetically and insightfully about following your life purpose.  His inspirational video podcast was very well received because of its practical and down-to-earth character.  People could relate to what he was saying irrespective of their stage of life and their level of … Continue reading "Take the Next Step to Your Life Purpose"

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Natural awareness is often contrasted with meditation focused on numbers, the breath, sounds or particular sensations or feelings.  Natural awareness is not goal-focused – it is more about being aware of awareness itself, noticing that you are noticing.  So much of what we do in life is goal-focused – natural awareness provides a desirable shift … Continue reading "Natural Awareness through Nature"

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Hugh Van Cuylenburg, in his book Let Go, encourages us to let go of expectations, fear of failure, shame and “addiction to social media”.  Hugh maintains that social media and related devices such as smartphones  are creating  “planet-wide chirping, beeping, vibrating, pixilated opioid”.  The addiction to social media and these devices has intensified with the … Continue reading "Being in the Zone – Away from Social Media"

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Allyson Pimentel in a recent meditation podcast reminds us to savour life and the opportunities it presents to experience positive emotions such as joy, appreciation and love.   Allyson describes “savoring” as a form of mindfulness with a specific focus and purpose – in savoring we pay attention to the things that we enjoy and relish, … Continue reading "Manage Emotions through Savoring Life"

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Rachel Kable – author, podcaster, blogger and mindfulness coach from Victoria in Australia –  recently participated in a podcast interview with Dr. Justin Puder.  In the course of the interview, she explained that when she first started out practising mindfulness in the more formal way of meditating (e.g. focusing on her breath), she had great … Continue reading "Mindfulness in Everyday Life"

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In a previous post, I discussed Hugh Van Cuylenburg’s book, Let Go: It’s time to let go of shame, expectation and our addiction to social media.  In that discussion, I highlighted Hugh’s very strong conviction that vulnerability leads to authentic connections, which are essential for positive mental health.  This conviction led to the creation, with … Continue reading "Authentic Connection and Friendship through Vulnerability"

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In his earlier book, The Resilience Project, Hugh Van Cuylenburg discussed his search for the way to develop resilience to meet the demands of these challenging times.  In a previous post, I explained  Hugh’s  GEM pathway to resilience – gratitude, empathy and mindfulness.  This book proved to be a bestseller and Hugh has gone on … Continue reading "Letting Go: Breaking Free of the Ties That Bind Us"

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In a previous post I discussed the complexity of trauma and the need to adopt treatment practices that recognise and respect this complexity.  Bessel van der Kolk in his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma, expresses serious concern with the overreliance on medication to treat trauma, … Continue reading "Healing Trauma – Dealing with the Visceral Imprint"

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Diana Winston offers a mindfulness meditation podcast, Working with Anxiety, as one of the weekly meditations conducted by the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC), UCLA.  As Director of Mindfulness Education for MARC, Diana frequently leads these weekly meditations.  She stresses that mindfulness enables us to be more fully in the present moment and to accept … Continue reading "Anxiety Management with Mindfulness"

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The complexity of trauma is explained both scientifically and by case histories by Bessel Van Der Kolk in his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma. As I mentioned in an earlier post, psychologists agree that trauma is not the “life-threatening”, precipitating event but the ongoing impact on a person’s mind, brain and body. In his book, Bessel discusses the evolution of trauma treatment methodologies (and his roles in this evolution), the complex impact of trauma on individuals, the differential behavioural responses to trauma by individuals and the common responses that lead to addiction.

Evolution of trauma treatments Bessel explains that in his early training and working days, he experienced different treatment modes for trauma such as “talk therapy” and the pharmacological approach. He explained that talk therapy involved having an individual recount the trauma event in detail so that they had to confront the reality of the event. Unfortunately, this often lead to the person experiencing a traumatic episode as a result of the stimulus of recall. In the pharmacological approach, reliance was placed on drugs to treat the trauma patient. Unfortunately, these were often administered in isolation without the support of therapy and contributed to ongoing psychological problems such as prescription drug addiction and depression.

The most heartless approach that Bessel describes is electrical shock treatment designed to desensitise individuals to precipitating stimuli. Sometimes the treatment itself created a trauma response because of the effect of the stimulus (e.g. touch) and the inhuman nature of the treatment, e.g. for someone who had been sexually abused. Bessel highlighted the lack of understanding of trauma and the absence of an adequate framework for treatment modalities illustrated in these early methodologies. The pursuit of a more holistic and scientific approach to trauma treatment underpinned his life’s work in helping trauma sufferers, especially those suffering from P.T.S.D. (post-traumatic stress disorder).

Result of visceral overload of precipitating event Bessel was at pains to explain the complexity of trauma and its impact on individuals. In his book, he explains the different regions of the brain, how they interact normally and the dysfunctionality caused by trauma. He stated, for example, that a traumatic event can leave a “visceral imprint” on the lower region of the brain, the amygdala (the source of our fight/flight/freeze response). Thus a particular sensation (a smell, sound, sight, touch or taste) can create a “flashback” and trigger a trauma response in an individual. This traumatic experience of discrete sensations illustrates the ever-present challenge for a traumatised person of “misreading signals” and seeing danger where it does not exist. This inability to control the stress response is in part due to what Bessel describes as the ”visceral overload” at the time of the trauma-precipitating event. He also makes the point that therapists are often misguided by their own belief systems, including the belief that the interaction of the mind and body is top-down only. However, his own experience of trauma patients and recent neuroscience research shows clearly that the body/brain influence is bidirectional.

Same event – different behavioural responses Different people respond differently to the sensory overload precipitated by a traumatic event. Bessel tells the story of Stan and Ute who were involved in a major pile-up on a Canadian motorway in 1999 involving 87 cars. They were travelling in the same car and met a wall of fog and were part of the continuous crashing of cars and trucks. They feared for their lives and witnessed people being killed by the intensity of the crash and associated fires. Stan’s reaction to subsequent stimuli was one of aggression and anger (fight response) whereas Ute was numb, a condition involving “massive dissociation” (the freeze response). Bessel suggested that Ute’s freeze response was a learned behaviour precipitated by her upbringing by a mother who continuously “yelled” at her. Through Bessel’s caring therapy, they were able to progressively restore their lives, regaining emotional control. Ute benefited from the bottom-up approach of the Trauma Center where the focus was on physiological monitoring to enable the patient on change their “relationship to bodily sensations”. Bessel subsequently established the Trauma Research Foundation after he had been unfairly dismissed from the Center, experiencing trauma in his own professional life.

Common responses to trauma Trauma and its incessant re-activation through discrete sensory stimulation along with flashbacks and nightmares, create a life situation of continuous pain. Many people attempt to numb the pain by resorting to drugs or excessive alcohol to block out the painful memories. This can eventually lead to addiction, associated mental illnesses and censorious misunderstanding by family and friends.

Reflection Trauma is a very complex phenomenon precipitated by a great variety of events, experienced in differential ways by individuals and leading to individualised responses. Added to these diverse events, impacts and responses are the variety of initiating stimuli that can trigger a seemingly unrelated trauma response in everyday life.

Bessel argues that one of the problems for traumatised individuals is that they spend so much time and energy in the past. They become unaware of, and insensitive to, the present. He maintains that mindfulness practices can help to restore top-down, emotional regulation and that bottom-up approaches such as “breath, movement, touch” can help to restore physical equilibrium and calmness. The widespread use of somatic meditation for trauma management is consistent with his view.

As we grow in mindfulness, we gain increased insight into our “inner landscape”, our behavioural responses and the options we have to behave differently. We come to understand better the impact of past events on our present-day triggers and responses. This can help us to achieve clarity, calmness and compassion towards others experiencing their own physical and emotional challenges.

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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Day four of the Radically Reframing Aging Summit challenged us to be open to the opportunities that aging presents. Each of the four presenters in their own lives and their own words demonstrated that they had reframed aging and viewed it positively as a period of possibility and creativity. They reinforced the view that aging requires personal adaption and a resetting of expectations as there are some things that they can no longer do. However, this does not preclude the potentiality of exploring new opportunities in work, play and life generally.

The interviewees – Lottie Tartell, Joseph C. Maroon, David Sinclair and William Shatner – stated that what is required to be open to opportunities as we age is not only examining our blind spots but also building mental and physical fitness to undertake new endeavours. William Shatner reinforced the mental openness required by reiterating the exhortation of Viktor Frankl to “Say Yes to Life” in spite of what happens when we are aging. Each of the interviewees have demonstrated in their own lives and their exploratory pursuits that physical age does not define us and our capacity to be open to opportunities. However, our mind plays a key role in what we enable ourselves to do and pursue.

• Lottie Tartell taught at Hofstra University for four decades and became an Adjunct Associate Professor in Economics and Geography. She indicated that even at age 96 she still undertook exercise classes, had an active social life and was engaged in community service as well as playing the violin. She had to deal with grief with the loss of her husband, Dr. Robert Tartell, in 2013 (after 65 years of marriage), as well as the loss of friends and other family members. She indicated that she did not dwell on getting old but did what she had to do each day. Lottie has been active in the Women’s Movement through Planned Parenthood and with Robert had set up the Tartell Family Foundation providing funds to many charities.
• Dr. Maroon is a neurosurgeon and author and completed a triathlon at the age of 81. He is noted for his research work and innovations in the area of concussion and neurotrauma. His recent book (2020), Square One: A Simple Guide to a Balanced Life – 2nd Edition, provides insights into his own early setbacks and resultant depression and encourages people to experience a joyful and creative life by achieving balance and avoiding burnout by prioritizing health, meaningful work, relationships that are strong and spirituality. In his interview, he urged people who are aging to “be mindful and aware of where they are“ in everyday life, especially in relation to sleeping patterns, exercise and diet. In his earlier publication, The Longevity Factor, he highlighted the beneficial effects of Resveratrol and other related natural substances found in red wine, green tea, berries and dark chocolate. Dr. Maroon is a strong advocate of mindfulness as a means of achieving awareness and life balance and living a long and healthy life. In his Summit interview, he maintained that the harmful effects of stress, such as elevated cortisol in our bodies, could be controlled by mindfulness practices such as Tai Chi, yoga, meditation and prayer.
• Dr. David Sinclair, genetics professor at Harvard Medical School, is the author of Lifespan: Why We Age – and Why We Don’t Have To. He maintains that the goal of research into genetics is not to prolong a life of suffering and disease but to achieve “prolonged vitality” – more active, happy and healthy years of life. In other words to “live younger longer”. Like Dr. Maroon, David takes a Resveratrol supplement daily and in his book on lifespan he explained in detail how the beneficial effects of this natural molecule were discovered, including in his own laboratory and in experiments on his kitchen table. He suggests that the beneficial effects of Resveratrol in extending lifespan can be enhanced when combined with intermittent fasting. In the interview, it was clear that “he practices what he preaches” in terms of exercise, diet, and lifestyle. He also spoke passionately about new discoveries in the area of “reverse aging” which he discussed at length in his lifespan book as well as the benefits of “delayed aging”, including the economic benefits for society.
• William Shatner epitomised the philosophy of “seize the day” (carpe diem) and spoke enthusiastically about the need to be open to the opportunities that aging presents. At age 90, he was the oldest person to travel into space and this was for him a life-changing event. He spoke passionately about his deep insight into the beauty and fragility of earth, a theme he had recounted in many other interviews. Bill, as he is known, is a prime example of living younger, longer – he is a multiple best-selling author, highly-awarded actor, film director, song-writer, charity worker, and rides horses competitively. He is a living inspiration of what is possible as we age. His positive philosophy on life is reflected in his latest album, Bill, and his latest book (2022), Boldy Go: Reflections on a Life of Awe and Wonder. In his Summit interview, he spoke extensively and enthusiastically about the wonder of earth and every living thing and demonstrated a “don’t know mind” as he marvelled at the unending mystery of life and earth’s ineffable beauty.

Reflection To some extent the revelations on Day 4 of the Radically Reframing Aging Summit were overwhelming but also immensely inspiring. There was so much to think about and take on board. The presentations were energising and empowering in terms of living a fuller life, longer. There was very strong encouragement to be open to the opportunities afforded in aging which enable us to explore personal freedom and pursue unfettered creativity.

There was also very strong reinforcement of the message that as we grow in mindfulness, we enrich not only our mind and body but also increase the quality of our life and extend our lifespan. We can stay younger longer as a result of mindfulness practices that help us to manage stress effectively in our life, build a positive attitude, enhance our emotional regulation, develop wonder and awe, actively engage in social networks and undertake compassionate action.

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Image by Patrik Houštecký from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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The interviewees involved in the Radically Reframing Aging Summit highlighted the inner challenge involved in aging and the need to mind your brain. Emily Arnhalt, clinical psychologist, focused on mental health and emotional fitness and encouraged the use of “emotional pushups”. Uma Naidoo, Psychiatrist and specialist in nutrition, highlighted how food affects our mental health and cognition. Uma is the author of This is Your Brain on Food: An Indispensible Guide to the Surprising Foods That Fight Depression, Anxiety, Ptsd, Ocd, Adhd, and More.**

In her Summit interview, Goldie Hawn demonstrated the passion for creativity and the enthusiasm for life that has permeated the comments of all contributors during the Summit. Like Tina Turner, Goldie has found mindfulness practices to be a way to overcome her difficulties and mental challenges as she negotiated her life transitions (including aging) and sought purpose in her life. Goldie has moved beyond her acting career and become an author, director, producer and a dedicated advocate for mindfulness for children. I have previously written about Goldie’s work in creating MindUP – a developmental program for children built on a solid research foundation incorporating neuroscience, mindfulness, positive psychology and social emotional learning.

In his Summit interview, Deepak Chopra, author of more than 90 books including Grow Younger, Live Longer, reiterated the importance of looking after your brain as you age. He suggested that one of the major challenges in aging is to overcome “the hypnosis of social conditioning” which prevents us from realising our potential and living the life we truly desire. Deepak has established The Longevity Experiment through his Chopra Foundation.

Two very stimulating interviewees were Dr. Martha Beck and Jim Kwik who highlighted the role of play and creativity in developing, sustaining and enriching the mind (at any age). Martha was described by the host, Maria Shriver, as the most creative person she knows. She is the author of The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self and provides practical steps and exercises to achieve this goal. In the Summit interview, Martha provided ideas and processes for “reverse aging” and demonstrated the energy and positive mindset that comes from viewing aging with anticipation and readiness to explore new boundaries. She offers a free, pre-recorded Masterclass on The Five Paths to Your Purpose.

During his Summit interview, Jim Kwik was incredibly enlightening and engaging as his #1 training podcast, Kwik Brain, with 728,000 subscribers, attests. His articulate and incisive comments displayed his passion for brain development and ongoing brain health throughout life. Jim is the founder of Kwik Learning which specialises in accelerated reading and learning and enhancing memory and brain performance. He is the author of Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster and Unlock Your Exceptional Life.

Reflection There is a lot written about diet and exercise for a healthy body as we age. Little attention is given to our mind and what we need to do to sustain and develop our mental capacities. The interviewees in this segment of the Summit really brought the mind into focus as a primary area impacting our quality of life as we age. There is a strong emphasis on the mind-body connection and a constant encouragement to engage in some form of creativity and/or play every day.

Engaging in mindfulness practices is one way to care for our mind as we age. As we grow in mindfulness through processes such as Tai Chi, mantra meditations, chanting, reflecting or meditating, we can enhance our attention, develop our brain physically, heighten our capacity for introspection and abstract thought, and gain greater access to our creativity.

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Image by Fathromi Ramdlon from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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Day 1 of the Radically Reframing Aging Summit brought to light many new perspectives on aging, and work, home and city environments that are conducive to a meaningful and enriching life for people as they age. The four presenters represented people drawn from the fields of academic research and the performing arts. They were Professor Laura Carstensen, Dan Buettner, Jamie Lee Curtis and Vanessa Williams. Drawing on their research and personal anecdotes, they strongly reinforced the view expressed by the Convenor, Maria Shriver, that we need to urgently reframe aging because the mainstream view of aging is disabling, denigrating and debilitating.

Laura is professor of Psychology and Public Policy at Stanford University. She is the author of A Long Bright Future in which she challenges current perceptions of aging and promotes practices and approaches conducive to a long and fulfilling life. She argues that ageism is everywhere and particularly in the workplace. She proposes that organisations should readily embrace “age diversity” for the rich mix of talents and experience that it can afford and the demonstrated productivity benefits that ensue. Laura is the founding Director of the Stanford Center for Longevity which has established The New Map of Life initiative which aims to enable people to live century-long lives that are characterised by cognitive, physical and financial wellbeing and enriched by a strong sense of self-worth, purpose and connectedness while contributing to the greater good of society through their wisdom and experience.

Dan Buettner is a multi-faceted individual, who epitomises the capacity and contribution of people as they age. He is a producer, author, explorer, award-winning endurance cyclist, journalist, National Geographic Fellow and sought-after public speaker. He is especially known for his research into super-aging published in his book, The Blue Zones: 9 Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest (2nd edition). Dan is the Founder of Blue Zones, LLC where he shares his knowledge, research, and lessons learned with individuals, organisations and communities. His community transformation projects have led to the development of communities across America that enjoy higher productivity, lower healthcare costs and recognition as a great location for living, working and playing.

In his summit presentation, Dan stressed the importance of a social network as a key element in achieving a long and fulfilling life. This theme is further developed in a chapter dedicated to this topic in his recent book, The Blue Zones of Happiness: Lessons from the World’s Happiest People. In that chapter, he identifies the desired characteristics of a social network (three or more people)and suggests that a key task in aging is to “curate a social network of healthy, happy friends who care about you.” He draws on the seminal work of Nicholas A. Christakis to demonstrate the positive contagion that can occur within a social network if the chosen participants support your desired lifestyle as you age.

In the Summit, Jamie Lee Curtis and Vanessa Williams were introduced as “groundbreaking public figures”. Their achievements as performing artists and authors alone are mind-boggling. Both have expanded into new arenas in pursuit of creativity and collaboration. They highlighted the fact that ageing brings with it the potential for freedom and the opportunity to do what you want, unconstrained by other people’s perception of who you are or what you are capable of. They were able to bounce off each other’s ideas as they shared the energy and joy that comes with age, experience, personal strength and a positive vision of what is possible.

Reflection The Summit provided the opportunity to reflect on what is possible to achieve once you move beyond the debilitating mainstream perception of what aging entails. The emphasis on freedom and creativity was exhilarating and energising. Each of the presenters reflected in their own lives and their choices the unlimited potential of aging.

As we grow in mindfulness and develop increasing self-awareness and insight, we can begin to realise the potential of aging and to have the courage to move beyond our own limiting expectations and assumptions and those of others.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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In a prelude to a guided meditation podcast, Remembering Thich Nhat Hanh, Diana Winston spoke with reverence about the life of Thich Nhat Hanh and his global influence. Nhat Hanh, who died aged ninety-five in Vietnam on January 22 2022, was a Zen Master, peace activist, poet and author of over 100 books focused mainly on mindfulness and peace. He established multiple Buddhist communities around the world and is considered the “Father of Western mindfulness”. He exerted a global influence throughout his teaching life conducting numerous retreats and speaking with influencers such as the World Bank, Google and the U.S. Congress.

During the Vietnam war Nhat Hanh introduced the concept of “Engaged Buddhism” and led Buddhist monks in actions designed to help people of Vietnam who were suffering from the drastic effects of the extended conflict and regular bombing. He argued that mindfulness increases our capacity to “see” but that this insight needs to be translated into compassionate action. Nhat Hanh established the Plum Village in France, the largest Buddhist community in the world and an international practice center for followers of his mindfulness approach. The influence of Thich Nhat Hanh is so pervasive that it is not possible to do its credit in this short blog post. However, his teachings and meditations are readily accessible via Plum Village videos on YouTube and his full life history on the Plum Village website.

Guided meditation Diana Winston, at the outset of her podcast meditation, acknowledged the profound influence that Nhat Hanh had over her mindfulness practice and that of numerous other mindfulness teachers and practitioners around the world. She stressed Nhat Hanh’s influence over the practice of bringing mindfulness into everyday life and emphasised the benefits of mindfulness meditation in terms of stress reduction, overcoming anxiety and depression, managing pain, improving mood and developing a positive mindset and emotions.

After suggesting a comfortable, focused posture, Diana begins the meditation with the encouragement to take a couple of deep breaths, recalling the words of Nhat Hanh “Breathing in, I calm the breath; breathing out, I smile”. She reminds us to identify any points of tension in our body and to soften those points to release the tension.

Next Diana asks us to focus on our breath – the process of breathing, whether the awareness is through the movement of air through our nose or the undulations of our chest or abdomen. This is a passive observation, not trying to control the breath, but following it as it happens naturally in our body.

She then suggests that we focus on the sounds that surround us – again passively, allowing the sounds to reach us without attempting interpretation or evaluation (in terms of pleasant or unpleasant).

Diana maintains that it is only natural for thoughts and feelings to intrude and distract us from our chosen focus. However, she recommends that we use our breath or sounds as our anchor to bring us back to our focus. An alternative is to focus on bodily sensations such as those of our feet on the ground or our fingers touching each other causing tingling, warmth or a sensation of flow. I like to use fingers touching as my anchor and I find that when I am waiting for something (e.g. a traffic light) I can touch my fingers and immediately drop into a breath consciousness that is calming.

Diana observes that there are times when strong feelings will emerge, depending on what is going on in our lives at the time. She suggests that we face these feelings and allow them to manifest without staying absorbed in them. I noted that at one point in the meditation, I experienced a profound sense of sadness precipitated by the distressing events in Ukraine. I was able to stay with the sadness for a time and then restore the focus on my anchor, the sensations in my joined fingers. The period of ten minutes silence at the end of the meditation podcast enabled me to deepen my focus.

Reflection In her meditation podcast, Diana recalls Thich Nhat Hanh’s comments about death and dying. In his video podcast on the topic, Where do we go when we die?, Nhat Hanh reminds us that cells in our body are dying all the time and new cells are being born – so, death and birth are part of every moment of our life. He maintains that the disintegration of our body at death does not mean we cease to exist. In his view, our words and actions continue to influence others – so, after we die, we continue in all the people who have come under our influence (or will come under our influence in the future). He indicated that when he died he would continue in the lives of many thousands of people through the books he has written, the videos he has created and the podcasts that live on after him.

Sounds True provides a video of Nhat Hanh, the artist, as he engages in calligraphy as a form of mindfulness, using the in-breath and out-breath. In one calligraphy, he likens the continuation of our lives in different forms to a cloud that never dies.

Diana states that the global mindfulness movement represents in many ways the continuation of the life of Nhat Hanh. She asks us, “How are you going to enable the continuation of Nhat Hanh’s life in your own life?”. As we grow in mindfulness, we are continuing the life and tradition of Nhat Hanh and gaining access to the benefits of mindfulness including calmness, emotion regulation, insight, resilience and the courage to take compassionate action.

Thich Nhat Hahn made a hugely significant contribution to the global mindfulness movement and world peace (he was nominated by Martin Luther King for the Nobel Peace Prize). Nhat Hanh left us a huge store of resources to enable us to plumb the depths of his teachings and his indomitable spirit, and to continue his life’s work to create a “beloved community”. In all his life, throughout the challenges of suffering, grief and disappointment, he “practised a lot of breathing, coming back to himself”. Mindful breathing provided his grounding during all phases of his life, especially in the face of violence against the Vietnamese people, his followers and social workers.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Maria Shriver, creator of the Radically Reframing Aging Summit, identified aspects of our life that need reframing such as the aging narrative, retirement, life transitions and death and dying. She also mentioned explicitly the negative narrative around menopause and the need to reframe it as “a different stage of life” leading to blossoming, rather than decline. This theme of post-menopausal empowerment is taken up in Susan Willson’s book, Making Sense of Menopause: Harnessing the Power and Potency of Your Wisdom Years. In a podcastinterview with Tami Simon, Susan spoke energetically and insightfully about the disempowerment of the current narrative about menopause.

Salient messages in Making Sense of Menopause In her interview, Susan covered many aspects of menopause including the physical, psychological and cultural dimensions. Some of the key messages introduced in her interview podcast and detailed in her book are identified below.

• The negative narrative – the prevailing narrative around menopause focuses on what can be lost, e.g. looks, sexual drive and physical prowess. This narrative can be disempowering so that some women view menopause as a period of decline rather than the transition to a new phase of life that can be enriching, rewarding and a source of creativity and shared wisdom. She sees her role as helping women to change the narrative and to see menopause in a new lights that leads to proactive action and empowerment.
• Physical changes – Susan stresses that the body is forever working in the best interests of the individual, by integrating its functions, accessing its intelligence and continuously adapting to its environment. She argues that women need to understand what the body is trying to achieve and to work with it rather than against it. She suggests that women can move beyond the symptomatic level and their conditioning arising through being “marinated” in the pharmaceutical solution to everything. Susan explains too that part of the hormonal changes occurring in menopause actually “trigger the creative centers of the brain”.
• The sharing of wisdom – Susan argues that what is needed is a new narrative about menopause that recognises it as a time for “thriving” and for women to access their creativity and wisdom. She identifies the post-menopausal wise woman as someone who has worked on their “inner landscape” so that she “really knows who she is” and is comfortable enough in herself to own her self-identity without being dependent on the opinions of others. The wise woman too, in her view, who takes the “long view” – being present in the moment but not captured by it, and being able to see beyond limiting ideologies, narrow worldviews and short-term time horizons. The long view includes consciousness of community and a desire to make a contribution drawing on a woman’s innate gifts and wisdom accumulated through life experiences.
• Role models of the wise woman – Susan suggested that there are increasing examples of the post-menopausal wise women, some of whom will be presenting at the Radically Reframing Aging Summit. She also mentioned Hazel McCallion as a model of a wise women – a woman who became a Mayor in Ontario in her 60’s and retired at 95, after focusing on building community and the welfare of people she served. Another example that comes to mind is Edith Eger who at 92 wrote The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life– a reflection on lessons learned in her time in Auschwitz and, subsequently, as a world-renowned and highly accredited trauma counsellor.
• Need for ritual – Susan maintains that there is a need for ritual “to bring menopause to a conscious place”. In the podcast and her book, she describes her own ritual for menopause as a point of transition to a new and fulfilling phase in her life. She makes the point that in Western Society, unlike many other cultures, we do not have established rituals to celebrate rites of passage such as puberty and menopause. Susan strongly suggests that women can use their creativity to design their own ”cloning ceremony” that celebrates their post-menopausal transition to a “Wise Woman”. She explains that such a ritual has four key elements – acknowledging what has been left behind, acknowledging the gifts brought forward, a commitment to a new phase of life through engaging creativity and sharing wisdom and a number of witnesses drawn from friends or the broader community (that makes the commitment public). She suggests that women need to overcome the reticence experienced in the West to talk about life transitions affecting them and engage friends and family in conversation about what is happening for them.
• Lifestyle choices – Susan suggests that women need to develop a ritual around eating, sleeping and exercising. This establishes a “body rhythm” and enables the body to provide the necessary amount of energy when required. She notes that many women live on adrenaline pushing themselves to the limit and causing their body to be in a continuous state of fight or flight – which runs down energy and causes the adrenals to continuously make adjustments to manage blood sugar levels.
• Intimate relationships – Susan notes that while some women report that their sex drive diminishes with menopause, other women report that their post-menopausal stage represents “the best years ever in terms of sex”. She contends that a key factor in these differences is a woman’s sense of connection with their partner – a feeling of connection enhanced through communication about present moment feelings and bodily disposition, as well as about shared future goals.

Susan provides further ideas and resources to help women navigate the menopausal life transition through her website, Making Sense of Menopause – where she provides further podcast interviews she has been involved in (or will be in the future) and also her blog posts.

Reflection Menopause, like other life transitions, impact women on multiple levels – physical, psychological, cultural and emotional levels. Susan and Maria both strongly support the idea of changing the narrative about menopause from one of loss and depletion to one of women gaining empowerment. They stress the gift of menopause lies in greater access to creativity and wisdom for women and the positive energy and sense of achievement that comes from creatively sharing their wisdom with others in the form of teaching, managing, writing, performing, painting, counselling or any other endeavour that utilises their knowledge, skills and life experience.

As women grow in mindfulness and self-awareness, they are better able to make the transition to post-menopausal life. They develop a deeper sense of who they are, what they are capable of, and how they can contribute to the quality of life for other people.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Maria Shriver – author, journalist and activist for healthy aging – recently spoke to Tami Simon about the Radically Reframing Aging Summit that they are collaborating on to promote a balanced view of aging. Maria is the founder of Women’s Alzheimer’s Movement (WAM) which she established after her mother died of Alzheimer’s and following her awareness that two thirds of people living with Alzheimer’s or Dementia in America are women and the same percentage of carers for these sufferers are also women. Maria was conscious that there was a lack of research and education about women’s Alzheimer’s and she set out to address this deficiency by funding research and education about Alzheimer’s management and prevention through the Movement which also engages in advocacy.

In the interview podcast with Tami Simon, Maria discussed several topics that will be covered in the Summit and explained some of the background to bringing together a range of “groundbreakers” drawn from many fields including performers, neuroscientists, medical professionals, psychologists, and entrepreneurs – all of whom have broken through the mythical “age barrier” to achieve outstanding results in work and life in their later years.

Fundamental to the Summit is the realisation that there are lots of myths about aging and unhelpful “narratives” that disempower people from achieving a healthy and productive life as they grow old. While numerous narratives exist for early life up to and including age 40 (e.g. establishing a career, getting married and having children), there is very little in terms of positive narratives about aging and the later years of life. One of Maria’s goals is to establish new “aging narratives” through the words and example of “groundbreakers”, some of whom are presenters at the Summit.

Some lessons from the groundbreakers In the course of the podcast interview, Maria highlighted some of the key insights and lessons gleaned from the groundbreakers and she identified Tami Simon as one of them [Tami established her multimedia company Sounds True in 1985 to promote mindfulness, mental health and spirituality in business and now has over 600 podcast interviews with leaders in these fields]. The insights and lessons cover areas such as the following:

• Reframing the aging narrative – the problem with the mainstream aging narrative is that it induces fear and prevents proactive actions to live later years in a meaningful, healthful and optimum way. The focus on deterioration with aging, instead of potentiality, induces fear about the future and the possibility of chronic ill-health, Alzheimer’s and loneliness. People become fixed in their ways, lacking initiative in dealing with their health and happiness. Maria is determined to promote positive stories about aging and change the dominant narrative. She points out that the groundbreakers presenting in the Summit proactively work on their mind, their body and their overall frame of mind. They age consciously – reframing aging so that they experience health and happiness. They work to achieve a designer future.
• Reframing retirement – the old narrative about retirement involved finishing a career and engaging in some hobbies while leading a relatively sedentary life. Reframing the retirement narrative involves a change in mindset that views the best years of life ahead, rather than behind. Groundbreakers live a life that inspires themselves and others. They choose to work on what matters to them (something that they are passionate about); what “speaks to them” at the time (given their life experience, skill set and lessons learned); and what brings them joy, happiness and fulfillment. They are able to flourish, enrich their life and deepen their life experience. Pursuing a purpose that energizes them and enables them to tap into their creativity. My brother Pat was an example of this when in his early 70’s (until he was 81), he started “virtual walking” (covering more than 25,000 kilometres) to raise funds for his aged care centre, Sinnamon Village. Maria also shares the story of a woman who was retired by her law firm (because she was 60!) and went on to become a full-time art instructor at an Art School (a long-held dream of hers). We are able to rewire and, like super-agers, pursue a life energised by a purpose and mission, access our creativity by challenging ourselves and adopt a mindset that sees ourselves as active and healthy. The principle of changing the retirement narrative is also captured in Bob Bradshaw’s book, Don’t Retire to Expire: “Once you wake up, everything else is optional”.
• Alzheimer’s prevention – given her family history, Maria was very determined to prevent Alzheimer’s, not only for herself, but also for the wider community through her Women’s Alzheimer’s Movement (WAM). She recognised that the presence of Alzheimer’s in your parents is not a major determinant of whether you will experience Alzheimer’s or not – there are other factors such as the way you live that have a greater influence. The Harvard Medical School in their report, Alzheimer’s Disease: A guide to diagnosis, treatment and caregiving, confirms the view that the major determinant of Alzheimer’s is lifestyle, not family history. In the podcast, Maria shared what she does personally to ward off Alzheimer’s in line with current research into Alzheimer’s prevention and what is beneficial for a healthy brain and heart. She explained, for example, that she exercises, tries to get adequate and quality sleep, reduces stress in her life (where possible), sets about learning new things and watches her diet and nutrition (no longer for weight-loss reasons but for the health of her mind and body).
• Reframing life transitions – Maria highlighted the constant need for adaption in life as we experience periods of transition, e.g. marriage breakup, loss of a job, children leaving home, extended marriages or establishing a new relationship in later life. Many of these transitions involve reframing one’s identity (e.g., identity changes because you are no longer a carer, paid employee of an organisation, or a provider of a home for your own children). There can be a feeling of loneliness with the “empty nest” or a sense that you are “not needed anymore”. The feelings of loneliness can be compounded by the death of a partner, close relative or friend. Maria suggests that to make the transition we need to respect our feelings and face them while trying progressively to figure out a way forward for ourself. She maintains that grief is a real challenge as we age because we lose people and, as a result, grief is an inevitable accompaniment of the aging process. Jenée Johnson provides some sound advice on coping with grief.
• Reframing death and dying – as we age and get closer to our death,it is natural to fear dying and to avoid conversations about this inevitable experience. However, many mindfulness experts encourage meditating on death as a preparation for dying. Maria informs herself about the dying process through her journalistic stories on near death experiences and the Hospice Movement. She maintains that it is an ongoing challenge for all of us to work out “how to live well and how to die well”. Maria contends that regrets are normal when we die and that we should die with as few regrets as possible through feeling that we have made the most of our life and used our gifts to enhance our own life and that of others. Franks Ostaseski, an expert in the process of dying and death, suggests that we go one step further when thinking about past regrets. He argues that we should replace regret with remorse so that we are motivated to do, and say things, differently when we reflect on what we have done or said, or failed to do or say.

Reflection Maria points out tha t different cultures (such as African Americans) have a much more positive view of aging than Western society and respect the wisdom of their elders and, accordingly, treat older people with much deference and a wholesome respect. I found even in Italy, for example, that older people were highly respected (to my surprise, having men and women of all ages offering their seat to me on a tram, even when they were sitting further away from me on the tram – I was in my early 70’s at the time).

Maria suggests that it is critical that we have the conversation in public about aging and its attendant challenges and opportunities. People in Western society have suffered in silence in the past and been subjected to the limiting, prevailing mindset about aging. For example, Maria’s interviewer, Tami, mentioned the challenge of going grey as a woman and the pressures to die her hair a different colour (which she resisted, being a groundbreaker in lots of ways). Maria also encourages us to write about our fears, to get them outside our head and onto paper. She has found that this serves to reduce the fear and related stress and enables her to take appropriate action.

People in chronic pain have additional challenges as they age. Maria expressed empathy and compassion for people in this situation. She stressed the need to express gratitude at each stage of life for what we have and are able to do. In being grateful for our current capabilities, both mental and physical, we are more likely to care for them and develop them, rather than take them for granted. We are also more likely to be compassionate towards others who lack our capabilities because of some form of disability.

Maria shares her own life experiences, lessons and meditation practices in her book, I’ve Been Thinking…:Reflections, Prayers and Meditations for a Meaningful Life. She also expands on the book’s insights through a regular podcast, Meaningful Conversations, where she interviews people she admires and explores life’s challenges and the “art of self-invention”.

As we grow in mindfulness through listening to podcasts, reflecting on our own life and engaging in meditation and other mindfulness practices, we can become more aware of our limiting narratives, be more proactive as we age and tap into our creative energy to pursue a meaningful and fulfilling life purpose.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Frank Ostaseski in his presentations during the Healing Healthcare Summit focused on openness and curiosity. In the process, he revisited two of the key lessons of living and dying that he had previously written about – (1) welcome everything, push nothing away and (2) cultivate a don’t know mind.

Openness – welcome everything Frank suggests that we need to be able to meet whatever our life circumstances bring our way and do so in a way that we are open to the full range of thoughts and emotions involved. He reminds us that life is a series of constant changes, e.g. loss of a job, death of a close family member, change In financial circumstances or location. He encourages us to meet these changes as if welcoming a familiar person at our front door. He draws on James Baldwin’s insightful comment for his rationale – “Nothing can be changed, if it is not first faced”.

Frank reminds us that denial or ignoring unpleasant experiences does not create freedom, only servitude. He encourages “fearless receptivity” – awareness of fear without imprisonment by it. He maintains that mindfulness involves moment to moment awareness of everything we are experiencing – bodily sensations, thoughts and emotions. In this openness lies true freedom – because we are fully aware of what is happening to us and conscious of our habituated responses and yet able to regulate our emotions and explore alternative ways of responding.

Frank suggests that sometimes mindfulness practices involving “precise attention” to a single thing, e.g. a word or our breathing can create something of a struggle or tension in our minds and somewhat defeat the purpose of the practice. He contends that the practice of “open boundless awareness”, sometimes called “natural awareness”, can be more liberating when we feel constrained by a focused meditation practice. He offers awareness of the sky and its vastness as an example. He also provides a mini-practice that can help to engender this sense of boundlessness.

In the mini-practice, Frank encourages us first to become grounded and relaxed so that we can focus on the meditation. He then encourages us to take in the space above us, to our left, then to our right, followed by the space below and in front of us. An alternative to this, is to focus on the sounds that surround us, progressively shifting our focus onto the soundscape in the directions that Frank mentions above. Frank suggests that we treat distracting thoughts like birds flying past, not landing or hovering above.

Becoming more curious and less critical This topic was the theme of his second presentation during the Summit and aligns with his exhortation to “cultivate a don’t know mind”. Frank argues that mindfulness is not about searching for some future enlightenment goal but becoming “up close and personal” with ourselves. He contends that our aim is to become “intimate” with ourselves and every aspect of our lives, pleasant and unpleasant. He explains that this is the path to true liberation and reinforces the view that “the path is right beneath your feet”.

In cultivating intimacy with ourselves we will become aware of parts of ourselves that we do not like. In Frank’s view, the inherent challenge is to be able to “tolerate intimacy” – be able to fully face up to who we are really, warts and all. In his podcast interview with Whit Missildine, Frank addressed the question, “What if you witnessed a thousand deaths?” – a question that was based on his personal experience as End-of-Life Teacher, Founding Director of the Zen Hospice Project and Director of the Metta Institute. Frank maintained that the ways we define ourselves will be stripped away in the process of dying and death. He contends that throughout life we live a delusion about ourselves – we project an image that is not our real self, but our imagined or idealised self. He has witnessed numerous people expressing regret as they lay dying – regrets about what they have done of failed to do. In dying, we are confronted with who we really are.

Frank maintains that when people are dying they have no interest in, or energy for, maintaining an illusion of who they are and cease to be concerned about what others think about them. He suggests that it behoves us during life to express remorse rather than regret – because remorse confronts the unpleasant side of ourselves and motivates us to avoid similar actions or omissions in the future. As we grow in intimacy with ourselves through meditation, we can progressively strip away the illusions about who we are through a process of loving kindness and forgiveness towards ourselves, avoiding harsh self-criticism.

Frank argues that In developing intimacy with ourselves, we become acutely aware that we are not separate but connected to everyone. He maintains that in this deep learning about ourselves, we develop a “deep sense of belonging” – an acute recognition of our interdependence and a strong desire to move beyond our limiting self-centredness. He suggests that a simple practice is to just “pause” throughout our day, taking a break from the busyness of life, and to focus on our experience as it is occurring. Frank contends that “mindfulness emerges from a relaxed heart and mind”.

Reflection Frank has learned so much through observing the process of dying and death and willingly shares the lessons he has learned. He explains that he learns from the dying as they learn from him – there is a reciprocity about his engagement with them. He is humbled and amazed by what he learns and yet he recognises that he still harbours a fear of death because of its uncertainty. Frank has detailed his lessons learned in his book, The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully.

Regrets are a natural response in the event of someone dying who is close to us (or not as close as they should have been). I can certainly acknowledge that I had regrets on the recent death of my brother Pat. However, as Frank suggests, remorse is a better option. With remorse we can revisit what we have said and done or failed to say and do, give ourselves forgiveness and express the intention to do better in the future. We can reflect on our individual regrets and ask ourselves:

• What will I do more of in the future?
• What will I do less of?
• What will I stop doing?
• What will I start doing?

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, meditation and other mindfulness practices, we can develop intimacy with ourselves, recognise our connectedness, deepen our connection with others and learn the profound lessons from death and dying.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Jenée Johnson, mindfulness trainer and visionary leader in the public health space, gave an enlivening and inspiring presentation during the current Healing Healthcare: A Global Mindfulness Summit. In her talk, Honoring Grief with Your Whole Heart, she highlighted the collective grief resulting from the pandemic and offered processes and tools to cope with grief, whether pandemic-driven or the result of life’s normal circumstances. She mentioned that she had been well equipped for the pandemic – having the solidity of a house, finances, nutrition, supportive partner, work and a relevant skillset – but she too found the pandemic “unmooring”.

Jenée experienced the added personal grief of the death of her brother – an experience I can relate to with the recent death of my brother Pat. However, her brother died not only from the isolation associated with the pandemic but also from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from 9/11. Jenée spoke of grief, whether personal or collective grief, as depleting and “an energy expenditure”. She maintained that the pandemic created a “tsunami of emotions” which Dr. Lise Van Susteren describes as “emotional inflammation”.

Ways to cope with grief While Jenée acknowledged that the pandemic and associated events impacted individuals differentially, grief was a common outcome – a sense of loss of people, a way of life and/or positive memories. She contended, however, that there are ways to replenish ourselves, rebuild our energy and achieve emotional regulation. Some of the ways to cope with grief that Jenée suggested are:

• Firstly, acknowledge that the reactions of fear, anger and grief are natural human responses. The challenge is how we manage or regulate these difficult emotions in a time that is constantly unmooring us from our established way of doing things and our regular supports. The pandemic and personal grief impact our whole human system – our minds, hearts, body and emotions.
• Cultivate awareness of everything that has happened to you over the period of the pandemic and subsequently. Jenée suggested that we need to attend to, rather than hide from, our emotional state. There is a tendency to shut down and block out painful feelings and recollections but unless we face them, they can overwhelm us when we least expect. She mentioned that there were times when she cried and wailed after her brother’s death, releasing pent-up emotions.
• Central to Jenée’s approach is heart-focused breathing. She stated that when we breathe deeply and release our out-breath we can let go of what is constraining us. The HeartMath Institute that has pioneered research on the intelligence of the heart has promoted heart-focused breathing and developed a suite of tools, programs and videos to promote health and wellbeing. They contend that heart-focused breathing contributes to heart coherence which helps to balance mental and emotional energy and activate creativity. Jenée argued that this form of breathing creates space for energy, enables the pain of grief to move through us and opens us up to flourish and experience joy and pleasure once again.
• Change our expectations about our capacity to focus and achieve productivity. Jenee suggested that is not reasonable to expect that we can be as productive during the pandemic as we were before and the same applies to personal grief. The pandemic and personal grief contribute to a depletion of energy and reserves. Rather than overload our system with unrealistic expectations, it is important to modify our expectations in the light of our reduced energy levels. For example, I have to reduce my expects about how many posts I can write per week given my recent grief and the accumulated effects of the pandemic. Some people have gone so far as to change their expectations about he nature of their work and sought more fulfilling and rewarding work that is less depleting in terms of time and energy.
• Pamper ourselves with things that relax us – spending more time reading novels or the paper, sleeping in when appropriate, enjoying a massage, purchasing aromatherapy oils or indulging in treats (Jenée admitted that coffee and almond croissants are one of her treats – something else I have in common!). One of the dangers is to resort to alcohol to dampen our pain (alcohol sales have exploded during the pandemic) and we need to be cognisant of the impact of increased alcohol consumption on our sobriety goals and this may entail a reassessment of the “reward value” of consuming more alcohol in times of grief.
• Rebuilding social connections through our recreation and work activities. Resuming social activities such as social tennis or dancing (where permitted) along with walking generates movement which in turn builds up dopamine which makes us feel good. Sometimes grief brings extended family members together and creates the opportunity to develop new connections or re-establish old ones. In the workplace, we could begin our meetings with a grounding exercise followed by an emotional “check-in” to see how everyone is coping – putting people ahead of task in these challenging times.
• Practicing gratitude can generate appreciation and joy even amidst grief and pain. Jenée suggested buying a beautiful gratitude journal and an exquisite pen to cultivate the habit of journal writing and expressing gratitude. She recommended Robert Emmons’ book, Gratitude Works, for its insights on the benefits of gratitude and its tips on ways to foster gratitude.

Reflection Jenée quoted Jon Kabat-Zin when he said that “the challenge of mindfulness is to be present for your experience as it is”, not as you wish it to be or try to make it different by denying the reality of the experience and your related thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness can build resilience in challenging times as has been proven by extensive research. As we grow in mindfulness and enhance our self-awareness, we are better able to gain insights into the way forward, develop the courage to face our fears and increase our window of tolerance. We can experience gratitude, joy, renewed energy, and heightened creativity.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Veronica Valli and Chip Somers, psychotherapists and sobriety coaches, provide a video podcast which focuses on, “How to stop drinking without feeling like you are missing out”. Both have recovered from extended substance abuse and share their knowledge, skills and life stories to help others experience recovery. Throughout the video they explore the false beliefs that lead us to maintain our level of alcohol drinking and that serve to entrench our habituated behaviour. They explore the outside influences that reinforce our false beliefs and unhelpful/unhealthy habits. Veronica and Chip offer a way forward for anyone who wants to overcome their conditioning and achieve sobriety – a road to recovery that they have used to help many hundreds of people recover and achieve a truly successful life. They also offer a Soberful podcast with more than 150 episodes incorporating success stories to help people sustain their efforts to achieve sobriety.

The power of false beliefs Chip and Veronica point out that underpinning our habituated drinking behaviour is a set of false beliefs that influence our thoughts and emotions on a daily (even hourly) basis. These false beliefs relate to the nature of the rewards offered by alcohol drinking and the fear of exclusion through living a boring life if not drinking. The fundamental false belief is that alcohol is the passport to a promised land – the land of fun, excitement, relaxation, a sense of connection and belonging, sex and romance. The power of this belief is fuelled by our conviction that this is the desired land – the place we want to be. Associated with that is the fear that if we stop, or even reduce, our alcohol drinking we will be seen as boring and be excluded from the desired land of personal fulfillment.

External influences reinforcing false beliefs Television advertising with its ability to create colourful and exciting scenarios portray a culture where drinking is the road to inclusion and fun. The images portrayed in advertisements entice us to sit back and relax with a drink or to party on with others who are having a good time. Some ads even focus on the pain of exclusion for those who are not part of the drinking set. Wine and beer advertising through social media, text messages and email is continuous and unrelenting, promising the ”good life” if you participate and partake. Newspapers offer special advertisements that encourage you to sign up for weekly/monthly shipments of alcohol at special discounted prices. If you happen to join a wine club, they are very ready to make you “one-off offers” that are “specially designed for you” – and they can make this very targeted by tracking your frequent purchases. A culture of drinking permeates our society and it is very difficult to break the hold of this cultural entanglement.

The road to sobriety Both Veronica and Chip stress that the road to sobriety can be a long journey where the early stages can be quite difficult as we try to break the hold of our false beliefs and the influence of family, friends and peer group that can hold us back – sometimes with the disarming comment, “Oh come on, don’t be a bore!”

One of the primary ways that Chip highlights to begin the road to recovery is a “reality check” or what is often called “a cost/benefit analysis”. Chip insists that we face the reality of the costs of drinking alcohol for us personally and don’t downplay or overlook the negative impact on family, friends, work output, social relationships, health and wellbeing and overall productivity. Facing the reality of our lack of sobriety can be painful and entails a thorough reassessment of the reward value that we consciously or unconsciously ascribe to drinking alcohol.

Veronica focused on the need for social support to reinforce our efforts to achieve recovery. She maintains that social support is necessary to reduce the likelihood of falling back into old habits or the stop/start pattern that can develop when we go it alone. To this end, Veronica offers a Soberful Facebook group and a paid online Soberful Life Program with monthly workshops, support meetings, training videos, and podcast discussions – all facilitated by professional experts and established authors in the field of sobriety.

In her latest book, Soberful: Uncover a Sustainable, Fulfilling Life Free of Alcohol,Veronica offers other ways to begin the journey to recovery and sustain a life of sobriety. She highlights the emotional skills needed to sustain our recovery efforts and identifies effective strategies to manage the difficult emotions that we often try to avoid or numb through alcohol. She discusses in detail what she describes as the Five Pillars of Sustainable Sobriety which she identifies as movement, connection balance, process and growth (this is also offered as a free Masterclass).

Reflection The road to sobriety is very much an individual journey and both Chip and Veronica have travelled this road over many years in their earlier lives. They have experienced the challenges, the setbacks, pressures and the big and small victories. Veronica found that journalling and meditation (undertaken over more than 20 years) have helped her to sustain her sobriety and Chip highlighted the positive influence of “expressing gratitude for what he has” as a sustaining force.

One of the ways to recovery involves a process of reflection on what “messaging” we give ourselves on a particular occasion when we chose to drink alcohol. We can review, for example, whether our behaviour was motivated by a reward mindset – just one or two drinks to reward ourselves for overcoming a difficult situation, achieving a successful outcome, celebrating an anniversary or birthday. Bringing awareness to our personal messaging helps us to identify the specific motivators that underlie our habituated behaviours.

As we grow in mindfulness through reflection, listening to podcasts, participating in workshops/programs or meditating, we can grow in self-awareness and identify the drivers behind our habits, including the habit of drinking alcohol, and develop the necessary emotional regulation to enable us to achieve a desired state of sobriety.

I have personal experience of the damaging effects of alcohol through my experience of an alcoholic father who lacked any support mechanism for his post-traumatic stress syndrome resulting from three and a half years as a prisoner-of-war in Changi. After a marriage breakup and a successful remarriage, he became a model of sobriety, giving up drinking alcohol completely, and keeping fit by walking for an hour every day.

This family history has motivated me to avoid alcoholism. However, I still feel the pressures, internal and external, to have a regular glass of wine (a variable regularity governed, to some degree, by my life circumstances at the time – such as the recent death of my brother Pat Passfield). My strategy to move towards my desired level of sobriety is to reflect on what motivates my behaviour in particular circumstances and to do a reality check covering the real cost of the occasional drink (e.g. on health and relationships).

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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My brother Pat Passfield died at Sinnamon Village Aged Care on the 27January 2022 aged 81. Pat joined the Jacob’s Court community in June 2012, having arrived in a wheelchair after brain surgery. However, “Positive Pat” as he was often called, was determined to be up and about and walking again. So, in January 2013, he began a virtual walk around Australia to improve his health and fitness and to raise funds for charities, including the Wesley Mission who ran Sinnamon Village.

Throughout his early and mid-life, Pat had been a very accomplished athlete – excelling in golf, tennis and squash. Having played A1 Squash, he went on to represent Queensland at Masters level for 5 years and was immensely proud to tell anyone that the Queensland team won the Australian Championship in each of those five years that he played for them. Pat learned early in life to savour his achievements and this contributed in no small measure to his positive attitude, resilience and capacity to bounce back from setbacks.

Pat brought the same determination and discipline to his virtual walking for charity as he did to his sporting endeavours. He was incredibly determined that his kilometres covered were accurately recorded and he knew where he was on any virtual walk. He would even study the towns that he would go through virtually so that he had a clear sense of travelling to a destination. This was borne out beautifully in a video that shows Spencer Howson (612 ABC Breakfast Radio Show) on Pat’s virtual arrival in Cairns – with pictures of Pat crossing the finishing line at Sinnamon Village. He used this particular virtual tour to raise sponsorship funds for Diabetes Australia and frequently mentioned how his walking endeavours resulted in his overcoming his own type 2 diabetes.

Pat started off his virtual walking trips with a mobility walker and eventually a walking stick, and in the early stages was doing 4 kilometres a week, which he gradually extended to 10 kilometres a week and then to 12 to 14 kilometres per day. Pat would start his day with early morning walks (5.30 am) along the corridors of Sinnamon Village and then progress to collecting and distributing the mail to residents, taking shopping trips for himself and other residents to Coles (a few hundred metres away) and walking the village dog. He would also take trips by bus to other nearby shopping centres to meet the needs of residents.

Pat constantly expressed gratitude for those who had helped him recover his health and achieve what he had achieved in terms of raising funds for charity. He was a living/walking example of the positive power of gratitude. He was especially grateful to the medical professionals at Sinnamon Village – doctors, nurses, hydro therapists, physiotherapists and staff who provided day care and therapy – and often referred to how they had provided guidance and support. He was grateful, too, to his many sponsors including Coles, Athlete’s Foot and the Jindalee Hotel (where he built up a strong relationship through his frequent visits for seafood lunches and the very welcome steak). Pat frequently expressed gratitude for the little things through micro-gestures – e.g. when I visited him in hospital two weeks before his death, he thanked me a least three times over the course of an hour for “coming all this way” to see him (a 30 minute journey by car).

Pat was not reticent to approach politicians for support of his charitable works. Jess Pugh, MP for Mount Ommaney, recalls that Pat “beat a path to her door” to seek funding for a special project – a MOTOMED Exercise Machine for wheelchair-bound residents of Youngcare Sinnamon Village. Jess was able to report that with assistance Pat was successful in gaining a grant from the Gambling Community Benefit Fund to purchase the machine. My sister recalls that shortly after the election of Milton Dick as Federal Member for Oxley, Pat was on his doorstep encouraging him to visit a “very special place”, Sinnamon Village. When Milton did turn up at the Village, Pat gave him a guided tour of the complex, pointing out its special features. Milton subsequently gave a speech in Federal Parliament about Pat’s “outstanding contribution” to community life and mentioned that the Shadow Minister for Ageing and Mental Health had given Pat a Certificate of Appreciation in recognition for his services to the community. Milton subsequently became a friend of Pat and was very saddened by his death, reaching out to my sister to express his condolences. Pat will be acknowledged further in the future for his contribution of thousands of dollars to the charities he supported. His virtual walking and related fund-raising activities gave increased visibility to the plight of the aged and people with disabilities, especially youth.

Reflection Pat was forever grateful to Sinnamon Village, CEO and staff, for their support of his charitable activities and his virtual walking. Their efforts reinforce the value of providing agency to people in aged care (that research has shown to be extremely positive in terms of mental and physical health outcomes). Through his developed and supported sense of agency Pat went on to become a Resident Representative, to improve the health quality of meals in the Village, to engage residents in his gardening activities (by having them care for seedlings) and to successfully agitate for a level crossing outside the Village to enable residents to cross a multi-lane, busy road on their way to shopping or eating out. In his last days, Pat’s doctor urged him to return to hospital. Pat’s response was, “If I am going to die, I am not going to die in hospital, I want to die here [Sinnamon Village]”.

Pat demonstrated that focusing on a life purpose can build resilience in the face of setbacks and ill-health, stimulate happiness and joy, facilitate the realisation of personal capacity and creativity and enable the development of compassionate action. He showed by his life in aged care that each of us, despite our physical and mental limitations, can make a contribution to others and the broader community – we each have a unique set of skills, experiences and knowledge that we can use in the service of others. Pat drew on his salesman’s skills (he had sold forklifts very successfully in his earlier life) and his sport’s determination and resilience to engage others in his charity projects – people with power, influence, visibility and resources.

Pat’s influence extended throughout and beyond Sinnamon Village, partly influenced by his extroverted character. Because of his love of gardening and his “green fingers” he had been given responsibility for an acre of vegetable and herb gardens which he tended with considerable loving care. He was very proud of the fact that staff would frequently visit “his” garden to gather tomatoes, herbs and leafy vegetables for their lunches. He also built a relationship with the nearby Creative Garden Early Learning Centre at Sinnamon Park. The relationship had reciprocal benefits – Pat established a children’s garden which the children from the Early Learning Centre would tend weekly and make their own and they, in turn, provided concerts for the residents of the Village.

As we reflect on our life and the lives of others and grow in mindfulness – awareness of the present moment and its potentiality – we come to appreciate all we have in life, develop an increased sense of our life purpose and capacity to contribute to the welfare of others and build resilience in the face of challenging times.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Kelly Boys, author of The Blind Spot Effect: How to Stop Missing What’s Right in Front of You, highlights the fact that blind spots have multiple dimensions, including cognitive (the way we think) and behavioural (what we actually do in response to stimuli). In an earlier post I explored these dimensions in more detail and shared Kelly’s approach to identifying our core blind spot involving a meditative exercise that focuses on our bodily sensations and the underlying cognitive message that we are giving ourselves.

Our blind spots can impact every facet of our lives, including our relationships, work endeavours, sport activities, exercise routines and our diet and nutrition. Through mindfulness and employing observation and reflection we can gradually recognise our blind spots and work to overcome them. This is a life-time pursuit that needs to be worked at consistently and persistently. Our blind spots are often manifest in our reactivity to stimuli whatever form they take. Underlying our reactivity can be negative self-talk, prior adverse experiences, assumptions or resentment. Tara Brach offers a simple S.T.O.P. practice that can be used, particularly when we are anxious or agitated, to overcome our habitual behaviour (whether fight, flight or freeze) in a particular situation.

In a recent post, I compared playing tennis to day-to-day life emphasising the uncertainty, the mental and emotional challenges and the constant need for adaption that they have in common.

Reflection Being a “tennis tragic”, I have been watching the Australian Open Tennis Championship, particularly the matches played by Ash Barty, World Number 1 Australian tennis player. In the process, I have been able to observe the behaviour of players and reflect on their mental attitudes, especially when they were challenged by falling behind in the score. Some players became despondent and were able to regroup, others let out their frustrations in a show of anger (e.g. by smashing racquets), while others succumbed to the weight of expectations – their own and that of others especially the World Press.

While watching tennis matches during the Australian Open I was able to reflect on my own tennis game and, despite having played tennis for more than 60 years, I learned two key things through observation and reflection that will enable me to improve my social tennis games and enjoy them more. One had to do with a behavioural blind spot and the other with a cognitive blind spot.

My first revelation involved a behavioural blind spot that related to how I had my hands placed on my racquet as I waited for a tennis serve from my opponent. Having just learned the technical aspects of a two-handed backhand, after 60 years of using a single-handed backhand, I was curious as to how two-handed backhand players prepared to receive serves in excess of 180 kph. It surprised me that they could be prepared to use a single-handed forehand or a two-handed backhand with little loss of flow in transition. Through observation, I learned that when receiving a serve they held the racquet differently to what I had been taught when using a single-handed backhand. It made me realise that instead of having the left hand loosely supporting the right hand like I have been doing, they were already prepared to play a two-handed backhand by having a firm grip with their left hand in the right position on the racquet.

From this I learned why I was having trouble accessing my two-handed backhand when I was waiting for a serve. With my usual way of preparing for a tennis serve, I had firstly to move from holding the tennis racquet loosely with my left hand to achieving a firmer grip higher on the racquet (above my right hand) – all of which took too much time and impeded my readiness to receive a serve. The new stance for me will be uncomfortable for a time. This experience reinforces the point that we can have behavioural blind spots in any aspect of our lives, even something as simple as how we hold a tennis racquet.

My second revelation involved a cognitive blind spot in relation to the “slice tennis shot”. When I learned to play tennis the slice tennis shot was part of your tennis armoury, but not your primary shot. I have often used the slice tennis shot when out of position or when I have difficulty handling the power of an opponent’s shot. However, I always viewed it as an inferior tennis shot – one played from a position of weakness.

However, after watching Ash Barty’s dominance using the “slice shot” as a primary tennis stroke, I have had to change my mindset and elevate the slice to at least an equal part of my tennis armoury along with a flat or top-spin forehand. This has been a mental block for me in the past. But now I have realised that the move from an Eastern forehand grip to a Western grip (sometimes extreme) has meant that a lot of players are unable to effectively play or handle the slice tennis shot. The reasons are explained by Jon Crim in his overview of the Western grip. This means that times have changed yet again and that the slice tennis shot (mainly through the success of Ash) has now achieved a status equal to that of the top-spin forehand. While the top-spin forehand gives the tennis player an advantage in net clearance and depth of shot, it has the inbuilt disadvantage of making it more difficult to play the slice shot which tends to go lower over the net and stay quite low on impact, as well as having a “shooting” effect.

As we grow in mindfulness through meditation, observation and reflection we can develop curiosity about our blind spots, enhanced self-awareness and the capacity to overcome our habituated responses. The insights gained can open up the opportunity for more joy and success in our relationships, work endeavours and sporting activities. As Kelly points out, unless we observe and reflect on our thoughts and behaviour, we can miss what is right in front of us because of our blind spots.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Daily living has a lot in common with playing tennis – this does not suggest that they are exactly the same, only that they have some features in common when observed from an effectiveness viewpoint. As with any metaphor, to say that life is “like playing tennis” is to say that there are some aspects that are the same in each thing being compared. Life and playing tennis are characterised by uncertainty and challenges, require constant adaption, are affected by our mental and emotional state and can be a source of happiness or disappointment.

When playing tennis, as in life, you are uncertain about the next ball/challenge you will have to face. In tennis, the shot you have to deal with can vary in spin, speed, and direction and be affected by external factors such as wind and air temperature and the kind of surface you are playing on, as well as the condition of that surface. In life, we are faced with all kinds of challenges such as financial and health issues, relationship problems or adverse work conditions as well as broader issues such as financial constraints or heath crises such as the pandemic.

I have to admit that I am a “tennis tragic” having played tennis for over 60 years and continuing to do so in my 70’s. I only play social tennis now once a week (compared to in my youth when I played morning and afternoon on Saturdays and Sundays, including different forms of fixtures and coaching). As with life, I have had to make continual adaptions as I age. I have decided, for example, that I need a new tennis racquet to provide better support for my game. I requested a new racquet from my wife for my recent 75th birthday – a racquet that is lighter and has a larger frame (for failing eyesight). This replaced my 20-year old tennis racquet which was badly in need of a restring to restore power and precision.

They say that to ward off Alzheimer’s disease you need to exercise and learn a new skill that challenges you and provides you with mental stimulation. Again to overcome the declining strength in my arms and wrists, I decided to learn how to play a two-handed backhand instead of the single-handed backhand that I have used for the last 60 years plus. This is incredibly challenging for me, not only from a technical viewpoint but also from the perspective of incorporating it psychologically in my game, with the high probability in the early stages of making a lot more mistakes when playing a tennis game. It means that I have to take more risks, reflect on what I am doing wrong and manage my mental and emotional reactions to the higher level of mistakes.

To help me start out with the requisite technical knowledge, I asked by my sons to pay for three professional coaching lessons (as a 75th birthday present) which gave me a good grounding in the technique required to achieve an effective two-handed backhand. Now, I just have practice to acquire the technical competency of a two-handed backhand and learn to manage my fear of making a lot of mistakes as I learn to adapt my shot and my positioning to different balls that I will face in a tennis game. Fear can prevent me from trying out the two-handed backhand in a real game and deprive me of the opportunity to learn as I go. As with life, I have to learn to manage my fears if I am to achieve a rewarding level of competency and joy.

Over many years, I have learned to develop a number of principles for playing tennis effectively – a set of principles that have relevance to achieving a life that is fulfilling and happy. I describe these principles below and they may serve to reinforce a positive approach to life.

My six principles for effective and joyful tennis playing are: 1. As I approach each night of social tennis, I decide on one micro skill that I am going to concentrate on improving during that night (usually over three or four sets). There are so many micro-skills involved in playing tennis that it is not possible or effective to concentrate on everything. As with making resolutions in life to improve your behaviour, focusing on a single goal can prove to be more achievable, effective and reinforcing. This process employed on each occasion of playing, has served as the basis for continuous improvement, one micro skill at a time. 2. When playing, I make continuous adaptions to my game to adjust to the circumstances – different players and different conditions. If some particular tennis stroke is not working or getting me into trouble, I try something different. Over the years I have developed multiple forms of spin such as top spin, slice, back spin, “out-swinger” (spins away from the body of my opponent) and “in-swinger” (spins into the body). I adapt my spin to suit the circumstances, e.g. the type of players I am playing against and the external conditions. 3. Over the last few years dealing with declining physique, I have had to change my mindset playing tennis. Earlier on when I was much more physically able, I used to try to avoid making mistakes. But increasingly now, mistakes are a part of the game of tennis. So I have come to view playing each shot as an experiment – in the face of the numerous variables involved in a tennis shot (both received and hit), it realistic to view playing tennis as a process of conscious “trial and error”, with relevant adjustments for what is deemed to be an error in shot selection and/or delivery. 4. Instead of dwelling on mistakes I make in a game, I try to savour my really good shots – those that were executed well with the desired effect. Over time, I have built up a mental video playlist of really good shots which serve to build my sense of self-efficacy – my belief in my capacity to competently complete a particular shot (e.g. a backhand, half-volley lob). 5. The challenge when continuously making mistakes or doing the wrong thing, is to avoid beating up on yourself. I am learning instead to appreciate the fact that I can still run, play a tennis shot, enjoy a game with friends, have ready access to tennis courts and be able to afford to play. When I am tempted to chastise myself for a poor shot, I try to express gratitude for the things that I have and can do on a tennis court. 6. Over time, as my physical capacities have declined, I have had to adjust my expectations of what I am capable of achieving. In my secondary school days, I was trained as a sprinter and achieved selection at GPS level. Now I am a lot slower off the mark. I have had to change my expectations about my speed and mobility around the court and capacity to hit fast tennis shot (owing to weakening strength in my arms and wrists). I do try to strengthen my wrists and arms through exercise but this can only serve to reduce the rate of decline. In the meantime, I have had to adjust my expectations (though sometimes, I attempt to play like a 40 year old…and suffer accordingly!). 7. I have taken up again the regular practice of Tai Chi which helps to build balance, flexibility, reflexes, coordination and overall energy. I have learned that Tai Chi has quite remarkable benefits for playing tennis. This form of meditation-in-action also suits my personal approach to developing mindfulness and helps to offset my declining physical prowess as I age.

Reflection

I have previously written about how tennis can build mindfulness if approached in an appropriate way. For me, playing tennis involves a continuous process of reflection. AS I grow in mindfulness through reflection, meditation and other mindfulness practices, I am increasing my self-awareness about my thought patterns and emotional states when playing tennis. I am also learning to adapt and adjust my expectations and to approach my game more mindfully, enjoying the present moment without the contamination of continuous negative self-evaluation. There can be real joy in savouring the experience of competency and being grateful for what I have and can do. Despite the aging process. I am increasingly convinced that If you live a reflective and mindful life, wisdom becomes a natural outcome.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Tom Heah presented a guided meditation podcast on Mindfulness of Thoughts through the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC), UCLA. Tom reminds us that we are often lost in thought either about the past or the future – all of which detracts from fully experiencing the present moment. In relation to the past, we might be absorbed by regrets about what we have done or failed to do; disappointed that certain outcomes (sporting, academic or otherwise) did not meet our expectations; or depressed about a broken relationship or lack of achievement or advancement. In relation to the future, we might be worried about the unintended consequences of our words and/or actions; concerned about loss of physical/mental capacities; or anxious about our financial situation or the pervasiveness of the pandemic.

Tom Heah is an occupational therapist and an experienced meditation trainer and practitioner with many years’ experience training facilitators of programs such as MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) and MBCT (Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy). He has a low-key and reassuring way of facilitating meditations and provides strong encouragement to “have a go” and try different approaches.

Guided meditation Tom begins the guided meditation by suggesting that we focus first on “arriving” – being really present in body, emotions and mind. He encourages us no matter what our posture is (e.g. sitting, standing, lying down or walking) to become very conscious of our bodily sensations – are we bringing any physical tension or tightness to the meditation? He suggests we welcome any feelings that we may have at the start and to acknowledge their existence without blame or concern to shift them. As part of this grounding process, Tom asks us to tune into sounds around us without interpreting them or seeking to evaluate them in terms of pleasant or unpleasant – acknowledging that these sounds just exist outside of ourself but within our soundscape.

Tom then uses our bodily sensations as an anchor before moving onto the potentially disarming and distracting element of our thoughts. He encourages us to feel the solidness beneath our feet (whether through sensing the floor or the earth). He switches our focus to our palms – firstly, placing our palms downturned on our lap, followed by having them in an upright position and becoming aware of the different sensations associated with these alternative positions (e.g. tightness, tingling or warmth). This process can be followed by a full body scan moving from the top of our head to the souls of our feet.

When we have achieved some level of groundedness and being present to what is, Tom suggests that we become aware of our thoughts – their content, focus and associated feelings. He draws on the work of Joseph Goldstein, author of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening, to assert that thoughts lead to action that, in turn, lead to consequences. To change the consequences, we need to change our thoughts but the starting point is awareness of our thoughts, their patterns and their reactivity to negative triggers. Joseph maintains that awareness of our thoughts leads to an “opening of the mind”.

Associated with our thoughts are emotions that are manifest in our body. Tom encourages us to return to our anchor, bodily sensations, to tap into the embodiment of our thought-provoked emotions. Again, we can become aware of the bodily sensations associated with particular emotions (e.g. anger can be reflected in muscular spasms or tightness; depression may be experienced as inertia; and nonspecific anxiety can manifest as fibromyalgia).

Reflection As we grow in mindfulness and become more aware of our thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations through meditation and other mindfulness practices, we can learn to accept what is and achieve a level of groundedness and emotional control. Associated with these outcomes are increased resilience and heightened creativity in dealing with challenging situations and experiences.

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By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Allyson Pimentel, meditation teacher with UCLA’s mindfulness education and research center, offered a guided meditation podcast on the theme, Mindfulness and End of Year Reflections, as part of the weekly meditation podcasts conducted in collaboration with the Hammer Museum. In the podcast, Allyson drew on the work of Amanda Gorman, appointed the first US National Youth Poet Laureate in 2017.

Amanda also wrote and delivered the Presidential inauguration poem, The Hill We Climb, for the inauguration of President Joe Biden. In her poem, Amanda encourages us to acknowledge the past – the pains, divisions and the victories over challenges. At the same time, she exhorts us to see the light in our past difficulties – despite the grief, hurt and tiredness – and to recognize the growth, the hope and persistence we displayed. In looking to the future, Amanda encourages us to “rebuild, reconcile and recover” and reminds us that “to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside”.

In the introduction to her guided meditation, Allyson draws on Amanda’s latest book of poems, Call Us What We Carry, to inspire reflection and forward planning. In particular, she focuses on the poem, What We Carry, which in Allyson’s words “captures the essence of mindfulness”. The poem grounds us in the dampness of the earth and reminds us that even what is grimy, mired and marred can be a gift and a source of wonder (a perspective we experienced as children sitting on the ground or the grass or playing on the river’s edge). Amanda reassures us that even if we are not clear about “what we have left behind”, we are enough “for what we have left” in our life.

Guided meditation as an end of year reflection At the outset, Allyson encourages us to become grounded in the present moment – being conscious of whatever we bring to the meditation including our aches and pains, reticence or excitement, readiness or unease. She acknowledges at the outset that there are times when stability of presence and its associated calm and quietness are not readily accessible – but still encourages us to try to relax and focus.

The next stage of the guided meditation involves focusing on the sounds both within us and around us. Within us, it could be the sound of our outbreath, ringing in our ears, or the rumbling of a hungry stomach or upset microbiome. The sounds surrounding us could be traffic noise, birds singing, the rustling of trees, the cough of a family member, music from our neighbour or footsteps on the stairs to our meditation place. Allyson encourages us to tune into the sounds without interpretation or any effort to control or edit them.

Next, we are encouraged to place an upturned palm on our lap – symbolic of openness to all that we have experienced in the past year. Allyson draws on the words of Amanda’s poem to suggest that our palms are “open but unemptied”. We can focus on the past year with its achievements, challenges and set-backs – looking clearly at the things we have done that we are proud of and those we wished we hadn’t been engaged in. We are challenged to look at both our successes and failures, our compassion towards others as well as our unkind words and actions.

As we reflect over our past words and actions, Allyson encourages us to turn our palm downwards on our lap and draw on the warmth and reassurance of our body. This is symbolic of receiving self-love and kindness towards ourself as well as forgiveness. We can tune into the bodily sensations flowing from this sensory experience of acceptance and support.

Finally, Allyson encourages us to think about “how we wish to walk into tomorrow” – to decide how we are going to turn up in the world. This decision can be informed by what we were dissatisfied in relation to our words and actions in the past.

Reflection At the outset of the podcast, Alyson reminds us that mindfulness and the Hammer Museum have a common goal “to bring the light of awareness” to every aspect of our lives, including our experiences of art, poetry, music, disillusionment, joy, relationships, inspiration and wonder. She expresses the hope that as we grow in mindfulness through meditation and reflection, we can live with more justice, a sense of openness and spaciousness, and a feeling of being strongly grounded and in control of our emotions, however difficult.

Amanda Gorman offers both enlightenment and hope and the firm belief that we can rise to the occasion of positively shaping the future for the generations to come – a future that is not built on division but on our connectedness and interdependence. Diana Winston encourages us to bring intention to our New Year resolution, while Leo Babauta suggests that focusing on a single resolve, such as daily mindfulness practice, can have flow-on effects to many facets of our lives.

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Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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On New Year’s day, I was sitting on my deck at home and immediately thought about Diana Winston’s discussion of natural awareness. All I wanted to do was sit there, observe and listen. It was as if I was being transported into a different world where nature was supreme and everything else faded in the distance.

As I looked out from the deck I could see the waters of Moreton Bay in the distance through a gap in the trees that afforded a glimpse of the bay and the island not far from the shore. It was one of those days when the sun was warm, the sky was blue and there was an eerie stillness in the air. The trees glistened with drops of water after many days of rain. There was a clarity about the view and a coolness in the air despite the summer weather beginning to warm up.

I could hear the birds in the foreground and background – Doves cooing persistently, Butcherbirds stretching their necks to break into song and raucous Rainbow Lorikeets breaking the silence with their fast flapping wings as they sped by screeching. The air was suddenly filled with loud sounds as a Kookaburra landed nearby to let out its laughing call.

I began to observe more closely my pot plants on the table, cupboard and floor of the deck. I was able to notice new growth with emerging leaves and buds, the thickening of stems and the increasing individuality of the plants as they matured in their pots and took in the air and sunlight. Some succulents had very shiny leaves, others were tall and imposing, while a small group hung over their pots and extended their reach to the floor. Another variegated plant that was previously close to death now displayed its bright colours and scalloped edges in a new location on the deck that afforded lots of air, light and access to light rain.

The sky was a bright blue with light, passing clouds moving slowly and forming unusual shapes. The many birds that surrounded me seemed to rejoice in the clear skies, the gentle breeze and the brightening sunlight.

Reflection I am reminded of Costa Georgiadis exhortation in his book, Costa’s World: Gardening for the SOIL, the SOUL and the SUBURBS, that we should become more mindful of our immediate environment as we move through it and around it, often totally unaware of its beauty, variety and earthiness and its ability to make us grounded. Deepak Chopra reminds us of the healing power of “earthing” – consciously grounding ourselves by walking barefoot on the earth or grass.

Diana, in her book The Little Book of Being, also offers ways to develop natural awareness and encourages us to monitor our sensations throughout the day, engage in deep listening and avoid unnecessary aggravation either of our emotions or our microbiome (through the ingestion of inflammatory foods).

As we develop natural awareness and grow in mindfulness through meditation and conscious observation and listening, we can achieve a sense of tranquility, gratitude and peace amid what is increasingly a turbulent world. Our own backyard can be where we earth and become grounded.

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Image by Perez Vöcking from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

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Edith Eger in her book The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life, discusses the “the prison of self-neglect”. Habituated behaviours that underlie self-neglect can arise through adverse childhood experiences, an abusive relationship or a deficient developmental environment. Edith suggests that self-neglect often arises because of unmet childhood needs – specifically the need for “attention, affection and approval”. Our own needs are neglected in order to fill the gap left by unfulfilled childhood needs. So we pursue the “A’s” (mentioned above) at the expense of our present needs. An aspect of self-neglect is the avoidance of expressing strong emotions for fear of causing discomfort to others.

Factors leading to self-neglect We might have had parents who offered conditional love – on condition that we met their high standards in sport, academic or other achievements. Their expectations about our performance can create a dependency whereby we are forever seeking approval or acceptance. We might have suffered neglect as a child through the conscious choice of parents or their own adverse circumstances. This can lead to our continuously seeking attention. In one of my workshops, one participant proved to be continually disruptive through constant challenge to anything other participants said. It turned out she was seeking attention and approval because she was denied this as a very young child – being expected to contribute meaningfully to adult conversation when still very young.

Sometimes self-neglect can arise as a result of the role we played as a child or young adult. Family circumstances may have led to our being the “responsible one”, “the carer” or “the earner”. These roles may have been necessary at the time but the unspoken expectation that comes with the role can continue into adulthood. Edith recounts the story of a client who was imprisoned by the self-expectations that arose as a result of a childhood role as the “reliable one”. This led to continual self-neglect in pursuit of other people’s needs – often unexpressed but assumed. The result was personal burnout as well as depriving others of the opportunity to develop independence. Sometimes creating dependence on ourselves fulfills our desire to be needed. This was something that Gabor Maté discussed as contributing to his need to be a workaholic medical practitioner.

Gabor maintains that underlying many addictions is an unmet need arising from early childhood. The addiction, whatever form it takes, is an ineffectual way to address the pain arising from parental neglect, abuse or inattention. His “compassionate inquiry” approach is designed to unearth the early triggering event(s), the resultant negative self-message and the reward sought through the addictive behaviour.

Overcoming the imprisonment of self-neglect The fundamental rule to freeing ourselves from the prison of self-neglect, is to begin to put ourselves back into the picture, to have self and our needs as part of the equation when trying to decide how to spend our energy and time. Edith suggests that there are a number of ways to do this:

1. Savour the things and people in our life that bring us joy. We can start small with a few minutes each morning spent appreciating the little things in our life – noticing a new leaf or flower on an indoor plant, reflecting on a picture or painting that generates positive feelings, or valuing a person who has shown us kindness, thoughtfulness or generosity. Savouring what is good in our life can extend to appreciating the development of our children, accomplishments and rewards, the wonders of our subconscious mind, the capacity to think and create and our relationships (even our relatives). We can actively seek to let joy into our lives.
2. Appreciating nature – nature has a healing power and enables us to cultivate all our senses and develop our sense of wonder and awe. In nature, we can be lost in the beauty, the sounds, the textures and the smells that surround us. We can actually find ourselves in this process of being lost in something immense and awe-inspiring that is beyond ourselves.
3. Edith herself adopted an affirmation that expresses something of her uniqueness and what she has been able to contribute to the world. We can all find the words to reflect the positive things we have contributed to others and what makes us a truly unique person. In the process, we can value the people who helped make us who we are – our parents and their positive traits, our mentors and their wisdom, and our teachers who willingly shared their knowledge and insights.
4. Reflect on an occasion where you were asked for something or to do something. Ask yourself what were your thoughts and feelings at the time. What was driving your choices? How much of looking after yourself was reflected in your response. How could you have responded in a way that did not involve self-neglect, e.g. expressing your true feelings. Are there habituated behaviours that you engage in that continually overlook your own needs?
5. Explore the balance in your life. Edith suggests that we keep a record (for a short period) of how we spend our day in terms of how we allocate time to work, play and love. Does work absorb all our time and energy at the expense of our needs for nurturing, relaxation and time to ourselves. How often do we allow ourselves to become absorbed in a hobby, creation or charitable activities or just enjoy social activities with friends or family.

Reflection With the busyness of life, it is so easy to lose ourselves through self-neglect. There are often hidden forces underpinning this neglect, so self-exploration is important to unearth what drives our behaviour. As we grow in mindfulness through observation and reflection, we can gain the necessary self-awareness and insight to understand ourselves and develop the courage to make changes to the way we live our life.

Edith maintains that we do not change until we are ready to make the change and often this is driven by a need to change habits that no longer serve us in a positive way. Any changes we make to our behaviour, no matter how small, need to be reinforced by savouring our achievement. From Edith’s perspective, change involves the process of “finding the real you”.

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Image by Perez Vöcking from Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.

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Edith Eger In her book, The Gift: 12 Lessons to Save Your Life, discusses the “the imprisonment of avoidance” – the refusal to express challenging emotions. She maintains that avoiding feelings through suppression leads to depression – the opposite involves release through expression. We can supress our feelings for many reasons, e.g. to avoid the pain and hurt of recollection or to protect others from seeing us as vulnerable and suffering.

If we are suffering from past hurts or trauma we can try to shield loved ones from the discomfort that comes with the expression of strong feelings. In the process, we are not being honest and we are also depriving them of the opportunity to express empathy and love. We can also unconsciously train our children to avoid the expression of feelings when they are hurt or upset. We can try to diminish their feelings out of our own discomfort or sense of sadness. We might say, “Don’t cry, there will be other opportunities to go to parties”, “You’ll forget about this tomorrow”, “Look how many friends you do have who let you play”, or “Let’s get some ice cream and make the pain go away!” (we can try to substitute something pleasurable to avoid the expression of pain and hurt, thus setting in place habituated avoidance behaviour).

Edith suggests that sometimes we suppress our feelings by trying to convince ourselves that we are happy and joyful when this is patently not true. We might even resort to affirmations to hide our true feelings. This form of subterfuge only acerbates our feelings because it denies our reality – the depth and breadth of our true feelings. Edith encourages us “to feel so you can heal” because “you can’t heal what you don’t feel”. Sometimes our underlying feelings can be mired in resentment and can be unearthed through a guided reflection.

There is a real cost to ourselves in avoidance. Despite our very best efforts, emotions are embodied – they manifest in our bodies as physical tension/pain and/or result in emotional or physical illness. By not living our truth or accepting the reality of how we are feeling, we undermine our own integrity and personal integration. Edith provides a detailed and graphic example of the impact of unexpressed feelings on a women who experienced incomprehensible violence by a family member. Her life was lived in fear and loneliness because she never owned up to her feelings of rage, anger and deep fear of the perpetrator.

There may be times in conversation with a friend that we withhold a true expression of our feelings about some matter relevant to our relationship with them. Edith suggests that we can revisit the conversation mentally, work out what we should have said and then approach the relevant person at a suitable time and in a neutral place to express our real feelings. We could even start by practising with restaurant waitresses and expressing our honest feelings about a meal (rather than hiding our true feelings because we do not want to hurt or embarrass them).

Facing up to our feelings and naming them provides a real release. Edith suggests that we can practise this by stopping ourselves at any time during the day and naming our emotion, whether positive or challenging, in the present moment. This is not only a form of mindfulness practice but is also a way to increase self-awareness and develop honesty about our feelings both to ourselves and others.

Edith explains that sometimes this challenge to express rather than supress feelings appears overwhelming. She writes about her inability to face the Auschwitz Museum for fear of the pain of recollection of her parent’s murder and her own torture and starvation as a prisoner in the concentration camp. It took her a lot of courage after 10 years to visit the Museum and she describes in detail what she felt when confronted with images of emaciated people, the cattle trains and arrival platform. She found herself cringing and curled herself up into a tight ball in a dark corner of the Museum – overwhelmed by grief, pain, anguish and anger. However, revisiting the trauma and owning the depth of her feelings provided a new level of release to enable her to be even more productive and helpful in her ongoing work as a trauma consultant – she had finally gained release from the imprisonment of avoidance.

Reflection Edith’s own life experience, which she shares so freely in her books, bears out how difficult it is to free ourselves from the imprisonment of avoidance. It may take many years of progressive inner work, and trying out various ways of overcoming our entrapment, to achieve some degree of freedom and realise ease and joy. However, suppression leads to ongoing suffering and depression.

As we grow in mindfulness, we become increasingly self-aware of the different ways we avoid expressing our true emotions, develop the courage to own up to these emotions and achieve the resilience required to break free of the imprisonment of avoidance. _________________________________

Image source: Pixabay

By Ron Passfield – Copyright (Creative Commons license, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives)

Disclosure: If you purchase a product through this site, I may earn a commission which will help to pay for the site, the associated Meetup group, and the resources to support the blog.