Better.: Recent Episodes
Dr. John Duffy & Julie Duffy
Dr. John Duffy, clinical psychologist, best-selling author and parenting and relationship expert, is joined by his wife, Julie, to talk about how to make life, parenting, marriage, and family better.
This time of year is always a tough one for families, as back-to-school bumps in the road collide with a myriad of challenging family dynamics. It's even tougher this year as we hardly know what normal is anymore. This week we are back with a little chat about how we might all support each other. The struggle is real.
Second week in a row for us! We're here talking about the mind-blowing experience we had at the Banksy exhibit and how it reminded John of his brother Tom's artwork, how great art can inspire and move us to emotions, updates on Julie's studio, and more!
We're back in the studio! This week we're talking about the amazing view we had of the Chicago Air & Water show from our balcony, and some thoughts on death-defying stunts, getting back to school, and staying connected to good friends and important moments in these strange times we live in.
Somewhere between Delta variants and Julie having to unexpectedly relocate her new studio, we've had a bit of a week. While unforeseen setbacks can be frustrating and even devastating at times, within that is a tremendous opportunity to create an even better circumstance if we are willing to see it that way. We're talking about that, Simone Biles, and more - this week on Better!
Today we are podcasting from our downtown closet talking about everything from the power of dance to why we watch and read what we do. We end with a few back to school tips. Enjoy!
In this episode, we wrap up pride month as we talk about the amazing parenting opportunities that present themselves when your child is different than you maybe thought. And how we all can be better at turning toward the unique qualities in each other - and prevent a lot of heartbreak.
Today we are talking about our pandemic take-aways and the importance of taking the time to process all that we've experienced. As things return to "normal" we realize many of the memories, good and bad, feel like they're slipping away. So take a beat and talk it all through. We're all changed.
"Let's get back to normal as soon as possible...as if normal was anything to aspire to." - Russell Brand, on "Armchair Expert"
Today we are talking about a couple of John's new articles for CNN. We are breaking down the new gray divorce trend - a topic sparked by the Bill & Melinda Gates divorce and also discussing the stress of moving out of Covid restrictions.
Julie just opened a new art studio in the city and we were back in the stands for a Cubs game. Finding hope and joy as spring springs.
Jessica Lahey is the NYT best-selling author of a brilliant new book, "The Addiction Inoculation," out this week. Here, she has a LOT to share about her own addiction and recovery, the science of addiction, and ways in which we can truly mitigate substance use and abuse in our kids. There are revelations in here. This is a must-listen.
It's been a year since we first locked down. Today we are talking about the "wall" we've all hit and Julie shares her wake up call.
Today on the podcast we have Sue Borison of Your Teen Media, who is here to talk with John about all things raising teenagers. They discuss how to navigate the biggest problems affecting teenagers today, the importance of open communication, the role fear plays in parenting, and more!
We finally took the quiz and today we are discussing what we learned about our "love" priorities. Spoiler alert: don't touch John.
This week, John is joined by Dr. Helen Odessky to talk all about her new book, "Stop Fear From Stopping You." They talk about the difference between fear and anxiety, how to tell the difference between good fear and bad fear, and much more!
Today, we are talking about a little bit of everything - inauguration, insurrection, Bridgerton...but mainly, when you set an intention, the amazing things you can find and learn while out walking in the city.
Today, we are doing a quick holiday review and discussing our takeaways from 2020 and how we can realistically and intentionally move into 2021. Reminder to everyone to find out how and when you can get your vaccine.
This week we're podcasting from our brand new groovy downtown Chicago live/work pad and weighing options for how to spend the holidays in 2020. Can you believe John doesn't like to play games?!? or Thanksgiving food?!? or PIE?!?!?! (except for June's, which is objectively the best). Enjoy!
We're back! Alas, we are at the home stretch of this ever-eventful rotation around the sun. We attempt to avoid talking about the pandemic, but cannot resist the allure and hope of the vaccine that can return us to the promised land of normalcy. In the meantime, keep your nose tucked neatly into your mask, and we challenge you all to look for a little "light" in the coming weeks. Nama-freakin-ste!
This week, John sits down with David Kamp, author of the new book "Sunny Days," a history of the Sesame Street/Mister Rogers era of enlightened children's television. We talk about how counter-culture this type of programming was at the time, activism in the media during times of unrest, and more!
Today we are talking about how we are navigating everything 2020 and offering a couple ideas about how to tend to our collective mental health.
We found a way to joyfully gather with Julie's family over the weekend to celebrate her dad's 87th b-day. We also lost a national treasure and a personal mentor. Good news/bad news. Discussing it all on today's episode.
John has somehow stumbled upon a sacred reservoir of generalized contentment that's been getting him through his days. We retrace some of our recent steps in an attempt to understand how this phenomenon came to be, and if its replicable for us all, this week on Better!
Today we are talking about why it is important sometimes to focus back in on the smaller picture, and how to ground yourself and keep things moving and positive.
Fresh from John's bday getaway, today we are talking about what we are hearing from some kiddos on campus. It's heavy out there. We need to make it better. We eke out an upbeat takeaway at the end!
Today we are talking about ways to re-frame and refresh what might seem a bit bleak - and how to look with some optimism at your options and next steps.
John is answering your questions about everything back-to-school in these very complicated and stressful times.
Today we are weighing in on the super complicated upcoming school year and also talking about how to remember our sense of humor and lean into it in the coming days!
On today's episode we are doing a check-in on the stress and anxiety of these unprecedented, complicated, often discouraging times and how we all need to step up for each other. We laugh a little, too.
Today we are doing our best to join the conversation, speak up, chime in. We are talking about our experience at the Chatham Peace Walk over the weekend and how we can move forward and contribute to positive change.
It’s been a tense week. In this brief episode, John would like to take a few minutes to share his thoughts on white privilege and the current situation in America.
RESOURCES:
MY HOOD MY BLOCK MY CITY — Chicago Small Business Relief Fund
https://www.formyblock.org/
“It’s Not Regular” — An incredible speech from MHMBMC Founder Jahmal Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDG691lZNy0
Ant-Racism Resources For White People (Books/Articles/Films/Organizations, etc.)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BRlF2_zhNe86SGgHa6-VlBO-QgirITwCTugSfKie5Fs/mobilebasic?fbclid=IwAR38-lKSbRIAew4Xrc8H7OWBOn7b8cNjBXFPHW5AalElHEExPf6zKw3Gtm0
Bail Funds/Legal Help By City
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X4-YS3vFn5CLL9QtJSU0xqmTh_h8XilXgOqGAjZISBI/edit?usp=sharing&fbclid=IwAR3vI-0_7fNiJ8gx0h2jHFcI8x7Pn1bW0ZEalrhcwGGqC1loY3pda9KL90Y
Today, we are catching up on our quarantine experience so far and what it might look like with the next steps.
We're posting John's weekly IG Live Q&A from last Thursday, 5/7. We're talking about kids who happen to be thriving right now and what they're doing differently, why you might want to consider renovating a room right now, resolving bullying issues between siblings, how to strike a balance between modeling grit and grievance for your kids, and more. Most important thing to remember: YOU set the emotional tone of your home.
Please submit your questions for next week if you have any!
"You are the emotional leaders of your home whether you want the title or not."
Here is John's Instagram Live Q&A from last Thursday, 4/30, for anyone who might have missed it. Some topics discussed include handling teenagers who seem depressed about what the future might look like, time management in regards to schoolwork, incentivizing productivity and peacekeeping in your home, and anticipating a rise in social anxiety as restrictions begin to ease in your area.
In this lighthearted episode, Julie catches up with her friend Judy, a personal trainer, amazing mom, and Trader Joes warrior. They talk about the frontline life of essential employees, their mutual love of Trader Joes, staying healthy during quarantine, and much much more. Some practical tips and a few laughs. Enjoy!
Bonus Episode: In case you missed it, here's John's Instagram Live Parenting During Quarantine Q&A.
2:48: Opening thoughts. Why am I doing this?
Questions/comments -
5:19: People feeling bad about feeling bad.
So many others have it so much worse - out of work, sick, etc.
but that doesn’t mean people in general aren’t struggling with this. But then they feel bad for it.
8:12: Please talk about college kids giving up their newfound independence on campus and returning home to be confined with their parents amidst uncertainty about their future, with all the accompanying stresses, anxieties and momentary temptations to throw chairs for all concerned.
11:18: E-learning is a struggle for my kids, and for me. It’s messy, inconsistent and disorganized. And my kids seem disconnected from it.
14:24: Discuss those shelter at home situations that are not so positive, where families are not making the best of it and playing games together and having stimulating conversations, where teenage doors are shut and they are unapproachable despite all best efforts. That happy home quarantine life is not everyone’s reality, it might be helpful to hear advice on how to navigate the not so positive situations.
19:00: My 16 yo son doesn’t seem to care about any of this, and it kind of worries me. Is he repressing his feelings, or have we raised someone who has no empathy?
22:26: How about college seniors crushed about their remaining time on campus cancelled due to coronavirus? I'd love to be directed to useful ways I can help my daughter move through the grief.
25:40: My daughter is in 5th and missing her last elementary year. Our son is so sad he may not see his current 8th grad friends again.
27:46: To what degree should we be planning our days, instead of letting our teenagers play video games and social media, and monitor their own bed times and wake times?
30:19: Should I expect my high school son to be mastering all of his classes?
32:50: My 13 yo son want’s TikTok. I would never have said yes but then this happened.
34:55: Thoughts on a 4 yo who is scared to go outside because of Covid?
38:33: My daughter is an only child, 11 yo, she does FaceTime and such but what impact will this have on her socially? Any other suggestions?
40:43: How do I manage my own anxiety? I go to the grocery stored I come home and we disinfect everything! How do I continue to keep our family safe BUT also keep the kids safe emotionally?
43:16: My son says he can only make it through his boredom is he smokes pot. Should we look the other way on this throughout the quarantine?
45:10: Do you have thoughts on technology limits? I understand we are in a pandemic but my kids seem to get very quickly addicted to games.
46:15: Closing thoughts.
Today we are talking to our good friend Mark Collins, who is a village trustee and oversees the food pantry in Skokie, IL. We are discussing what's in place for people who need some help, how many in need are "slipping through the cracks," and what we can do to help.
Checking in on all things quarantine. How we are coping, why we keep spilling, and the art of over-disinfecting. Spolier alert: George and Lauren and Lucy the dog have joined us!
While we're all social distancing and doing our part to flatten the curve, we wanted to talk about the second curve that's going to become of increasing importance in the coming weeks, and that's our emotional wellness. So join us in this slightly slap happy episode where we are checking in with all of you and trying to make things a bit better during this unprecedented time.
With a nod to the fact that a few things have changed since we recorded this, here are some thoughts on navigating this very unfamiliar and anxiety-inducing time.
Today we are talking about our love and appreciation of the Zen Parenting Conference, the enlightening and connecting experience, and some of the lessons we learned.
We've been hearing a lot of stories about strife, drama, disconnect and heartbreak in adult families. And we can wholeheartedly relate. It's so complicated. We are talking about this today and how to make it better.
Today we are talking about some people, places and things that have recently given us hope.
Today we are talking about the joy and hope that comes with making new and unexpected moves in life.
Today we are talking about how expansive and enriching it is to notice, create, and be in our moments.
Today, we are talking to our friend Hunter about her new book that teaches us how mindfulness can make us less reactive, more connected and joyful parents.
Today we are talking about the ways we are missing the boat with our boys. They are too often over-judged, over-diagnosed, over-medicated, over-shamed, and wholly misunderstood, all as they are trying to form their individual core identities. And spoiler alert: they need more hugs.
Today, Julie and 2 special guests sit down for a mid-semester check in about how things our going with our kiddos in high school, college, and the workforce.
9 years ago, our family went to The Rally To Restore Sanity in DC. Today, we are talking about what each of us might do to restore it again.
Today we are talking about the loss of Julie's friend, Darwin, and what we can all learn about upping our joy and laughter game. It's really what matters.
This week is a brief solo episode from Dr. John Duffy, who wanted to take a minute to talk about the fragility of young life in today's world. It has never been more important for parents to understand that they were essentially "never a teenager" in today's world, that their world is full of perils that are very different from what we experienced growing up, and how leading with empathy is perhaps the best thing we can do for them.
Today we are talking about how crucial it is that you say the words. And they don't come easy to everyone. But find a way to focus on what matters. Your kid's well-being and maybe their life depends on it (pardon the occasional audio crackles - we think they might be exclamation points from the Universe).
Today, we are weighing in on some fantastic listener questions! How do we know the difference between normal vs more serious anxiety issues/problems associated with the new school year? And how do we keep from overreacting to the former in a way that might turn them into the latter? How do we stay in touch with our college kids without being annoying? Is it ok to tell your kids about the article in Newsweek about the boy who lost his sight because he only ate junk food? How do I get my son to share with me what's going on in school - from general things to what's going on socially? Here's our two cents!
Today on the podcast, Julie and special guest, Ilene, are talking about their road trip to see Julie's mom do stand-up for the first time at 86 years of age. It's never too late to reinvent yourself or try something new!
Today we are talking about the sustainable fashion event imagined, created and beautifully executed by 17-year-old Grace, and how uplifting and inspiring the evening was.
Today we are talking about how we are resetting, refreshing, and redesigning our relationship.
Today we are breaking down a few topics inspired by Julie's recent high school reunion. With a special shoutout to two of our favorite "cheerleaders."
Today we are talking about our struggles and efforts in our empty nest adjustment. And how sometimes, the bigger the light, the better the view.
"See, this parenting thing, it shouldn't be hard. It can't be. It has got to be joyful. There are too many landmines awaiting your child that will be difficult. You want them to know that the light you carry together cannot, and will not, be dimmed by such woes, or disappointments. Curating this spiritual connection, keeping that light shining brightly on the most overcast of days, this is the mighty task, and joy, available to you as a parent. Let it shine!
Today we are chatting about the people, places and things that trigger us, why they might, and what it means.
Today we are talking about "Angst," a documentary about anxiety in kids and young adults. John did the Q&A after a couple of recent screenings and has some interesting, hopeful takeaways.
Today we are unpacking why the prospect of "adulthood" might not engender joy and hope and energy in our kiddos.
We made vision boards! Today we are talking about how we did it and what we learned. We were both enlightened and inspired. Even reluctant vision boarding pays off.
In this brief episode, John takes a few minutes to help you navigate your college admission results.
Today we are talking to one of our favorite people, Georgia, a high school senior. She shares her thoughts and experience with the college selection process and how she sees the future.
Today we talk about Operation Varsity Blues, the investigation into wealthy parents illegally buying admission to elite colleges for their children. What's most remarkable is how unremarkable this all is. We also touch on the broader lessons to learn here about goodness of fit and how easily losing can be disguised as winning. #operationvarsityblues #collegeadmissions #collegeadmissionscheatingscandal #ivyleague #felicityhuffman #loriloughlin
Today we are talking about when you should seek help from a therapist or a coach - for yourself or someone else that you love.
Today we are breaking down this transformative thought: If you find yourself overly concerned with what other people are thinking about you, liberate yourself with the reality that they are probably...not. Be free.
As you cross the threshold, do you find your home to be more of a refuge, or more of a stressor? Today we are talking about how to improve the vibe in your home and why it is one of the most important things you can do.
In this episode, John explains a disturbing new trend in his office, primarily among boys, who after smoking weed, feel like they have altered their brain. They feel flat and odd - not like themselves. It sends them on an anxiety-ridden path for weeks or months, seeking answers from doctors, neurologists, and therapists. John's colleagues are seeing it, too. We also unpack a ton of information about vaping and juuling. Please listen. And please share this episode.
John has been working with Paul Valukas since he was 16. Today he is an elite fitness trainer known to show up to sessions with a TRX suspension trainer and put John through a workout. Paul's insights on what true fitness actually means is a refreshing, must-listen for anyone for anyone starting to hit the gym again this January.
Happy New Year! Now that it's January 1st, it's off to the races in a mad dash in pursuit of all those schnazzy goals you set for yourself. Except there's one...small...problem.
New Year. New You. Right? Nah! Here's something a little better.
30% of our kids who enter college don't make it to sophomore year. And they are stressed and depressed. Today, our guest is therapist and college mom Laura Kaehler and we are talking about how to make the whole process a little better.
Today our good friend Jaci McCarty joins us to talk about the brain-hacking benefits of mindfulness and meditation. You will feel better just listening.
Today John is talking to Spencer and Sam about their coaching program that helps men find deeper meaning, authenticity, and success in life and love.
Today we are bringing back a really great interview that John did several months back with Michelle Icard. She is the author of "Middle School Makeover: Improving the Way You and Your Child Experience the Middle School Years." Michelle is brilliant and honest and funny and her advice is gold. Enjoy!!
Today we are talking about the Emotional Bank Account. In parenting, in love relationships, in friendships, in business, when you tend to your connections and keep your EBA's in the black, everything will be better!
Our guest today is our friend MC. She has been throwing pop-up princess parties for an amazing cause. When we come together, connect, laugh and celebrate, life is better. And if we can help someone else in the party process, we've hit the "better" bullseye.
We Duffy's are feeling unglued. It helps to realize why things feel off - and what you can do to affect it. Oh, and - VOTE!
In response to current headlines, John shares some reflections, based on clinical experience, on the damage caused by sexual assault, and why we need to stop trivializing and politicizing the issue. He also shares ideas about potential solutions.
People are getting overwhelmed and super stressed by the barrage of "news." Some are opting out. Today we are talking about why we want to and why we cannot if we want things to get better.
Today Julie sits down with her mom to talk about how her parents are navigating their new life in a retirement community.
John met Springsteen last week! Today we are talking about that and how little we often know the people under our same roof.
Today in our podcast from the car, we are celebrating the end of summer, John McCain, and what life can look like when you get back on the horse.
Today we are talking about how easy it is, how important it is, and how life altering it is when we smile and when we are kind. It's such a win-win.
Today we are talking about how to lower stress as the new school year approaches and lay the groundwork for a successful year.
Today, we are talking about how we sync our moods when we are on different pages. And how we can get it wrong.
Today, we are talking about ways we can shift out of the loop of anxious thoughts and feelings, and maybe give all of that energy a new purpose.
Today we are talking about how critical it is that we truly understand the world our kids are navigating, and we even find an important upside to all they are exposed to.
Today we are breaking down how Julie handled the ending of her first marriage. And how respectfully tending to endings can lead you to the right relationship.
Today we are talking about what we loved and what surprised us about "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" and the legacy of Mister Rogers.
Today we are talking about suicide. John gives us invaluable insight and sheds light on what we can all do to help.
Today we are sitting down with our son George for a college recap, his top tips, and his thoughts on the Cubs so far.
Today we are talking about how the Pear App, Letterboxing, and a Royal Wedding make life a little better.
Today we are talking about our road trip to Cleveland, and how connecting with strangers is better!
Today we are talking to one of our heroes - Coach Scott Walker. Listen to how he instills and inspires confidence, self-worth, kindness, motivation, and grit in his swimmers and students. An amazing coach and father. This podcast will change you.
On today’s episode, we sit down with our friends Cathy and Todd Adams from Zen Parenting Radio to discuss Tony Robbins, the #MeToo movement, and why listening and continuing the conversation are essential for real change. We talk marriage, communication, family dynamics, and how we can live in joy and still acknowledge the struggles.
On today's episode, we discuss what's missing in the lives of our boys and young men, and some ways we can all do better by them.
When we find ways to 'inhabit' our bodies, we clear our cluttered minds, feel more in control, and think and feel better. Dig it.
A viewing of “I, Tonya” got us talking about Tonya Harding, Monica Lewinsky and the complex, unfair legacies that have been assigned to them.
Hunter Clarke Fields is an accomplished blogger and podcaster over at Mindful Mama Mentor (www.mindfulmamamentor.com). She’s here today to share some of her best insights on how we can all make parenting a little more peaceful.
This week, we're talking about how inspired we were by a recent "celebration of life" party our friend held for her father instead of a typical funeral or wake. Also, more thoughts on the Stoneman Douglas kids as well as a friend's thoughtful approach to his dog's last moments.
This week on the podcast, we're unpacking the 2018 Olympics and our niece's dance competition - and how all the athletes entertain us, give us hope, and inspire us to chase the same kind of "fire" they experience in our everyday lives.
Some important words I think everyone needs needs to hear about the Stoneman Douglas tragedy today... and any other school shooting, for that matter.
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT COMING SOON. But not today...
This week, we're talking about "currency", and not necessarily the paper green kind. Identifying your "currency" is gaining clarity on what motivates you, what gets you excited and interested, what brings value to your work and your life. We do better and feel better when we understand and sync our lives to our own specific currency. Enjoy!
This week, we’re talking about how indirectly stifling creativity in our kids at a young age can affect their minds, and potentially lay the foundation for depression and anxiety. It's been frying our @$$es quite frankly! But the good news is that creativity can be restored and reclaimed… at any age!
This week’s guest is PBS talk show host Whitney Reynolds. Whitney is by-far one of the most confident and tenacious guests I have had the privilege of speaking to on this podcast thus far, especially since she has know that her life’s path was in having her own television show since she was five years old! Whitney’s story is a prime example of why staying true to your vision is the best path toward success and fulfillment.
Some highlights of our conversation: - How she started interviewing her friends at age 5 with a makeshift microphone - How she was able to start her own TV show at just 23 years old - How her hosting has changed over time from the start of her career to the platform she has now - How becoming a mom two years ago has changed her life
Lately in my office, I've seen a lot of people that are obsessive, fixated. Today, Julie and I discuss how we can relate to this type of rumination, how it doesn't serve us, and how to help yourself and maybe someone else move past it.
On this week's episode, Julie and I talk about inspiration, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and his book that changed my life.
This week on Undue Anxiety, Julie and are talking about how 2018 will be a year of change and transition for our family. Our son, George, will be graduating from college, and Julie's parents are transitioning into a retirement community. Along with periods of inevitable change can come both excitement as well as some uncertainty, in addition to a number of other complex emotions. So we'll be discussing how we like to believe that the ending of every life chapter has a new beginning built right into it, and that every transition can be a gift in a way. You'll also hear about how a chance encounter with John Cougar Mellencamp may or may not have helped put it all into perspective!
Happy New Years, everyone! To kick off 2018, here is quick 10-minute hit with some unconventional wisdom on how to set yourself up for a great year, the theme of which is — forget about your resolutions. Nobody keeps them anyway. Instead — Chill out! Take a breather! Recover from the stress and business of the holidays. There’s also different promise I want you to make to yourself this year, take a listen to get all the info!
Happy Holidays! Here's a brief, but critical reminder regarding how to talk to, and about, our children and families during this emotionally amped up holiday season. These 8 minutes could spare wildly unnecessary pain and disconnection. Please listen.
Overachieving. Numbing Out. Isolating. People Pleasing. These are just some of the habits that we might be employing subconsciously when we’re not quite operating at our best, or as this week’s guest Andrea Owen would put it — when we’re “feeling like sht.” Andrea is a life coach specializing in working with women and the author of the forthcoming book, “How To Stop Feeling Like Sht.” Andrea has an incredible energy with her words and an enviable vibrance for life, as well as a roller coaster of a backstory that sees her navigate two divorces, love addiction, a drinking problem, and transforming it all into a thriving career as a coach. Check out our conversation, and then check out the rest of her work at www.yourkickasslife.com
Highlights of this episode include:
— What Andrea learned about “False Armor” by training with Brene Brown
— How she persevered through two divorces and overcame a love addiction and a drinking problem
— How all of her life experience was then channeled into her life coaching career
— What is a “Compassionate Witness” and how can it help you with your life?
Let’s face — 2017 was chaos for most of us. America is entering an age of accountability. Light is being shed on some unflattering corners of our culture. Old structures are collapsing, and new ones haven’t exactly been built yet. But as the year is winding down, there’s still an opportunity to have a great December, and set yourself up to have a great 2018 as well. So my wife, Julie, is joining me today to talk about some of the little things we can do to make the most of our month.
This week we have our first ever international guest, author Brent Williams from New Zealand. Brent wrote the graphic novel “Out Of The Woods” which is a stunning visual representation through his unexpected journey with depression and anxiety. While suffering from depression, Brent learned that journaling was one of the most powerful ways to get in touch with what he was feeling, and deconstruct some of his own thought and behavior patterns that were perhaps contributing to his condition. Being that he was unable to read due to exhaustion while he was depressed, he determined that the graphic novel medium would perhaps be the best method to share his story and connect with others who felt similarly. Tune in to hear the entire story from start to finish of how this incredible work came to be!
Highlights of this episode include:
— Why Brent was able to connect with the graphic novel medium versus more traditional self-help vehicles
— How never thought he’d be afflicted with something like depression
— How Brent eventually managed to heal himself
— The power of journaling for Brent during the healing process
— What Brent currently does when he feels anxiety starting to surface
This week’s guest is Dr. Melanie Greenberg, psychologist, speaker, and author of “The Stress-Proof Brain: Master Your Emotional Response to Stress Using Mindfulness & Neuroplasticity.” She has been a guest on numerous media outlets including CNN, Forbes, BBC Radio, Lifehacker, Huffington Post, and much more. We had an interesting chat about the events that actually occur in our brains when we experience stress, and how knowledge of this can potentially help to mitigate some of the unwanted symptoms that show up in our daily lives. What you might not know is that modern neuroscience has produced some very interesting research that suggests that we can essentially train our brains, much like muscles, to become more bulletproof to stress via mindfulness training, and you’ll get some great insight from Melanie about how to do so!
Highlights of this episode include:
— What exactly is mindfulness and how can it help us become more resilient to stress?
— What are all the parts of the brain that process stress, anxiety, and emotions?
— How even just a little knowledge of neuroscience can help to ease anxiety
— Melanie’s personal story of how she began studying stress and the brain
“Teach what you need to learn, until you learn it.” — Dr. Wayne Dyer
This week I’m recording out from Bloomington, IN, where I just finished up having an awesome weekend with my son at his college. My experience this weekend caused me to reflect on a specific aspect of myself I’d like to address today — and that is my tendency to be a “Malcontent.” I’d describe a malcontent as someone who is never quite satisfied with where they are, always in search of the next big thing. While there are times that this can certainly fuel us in our lives — it’s what has allowed me to become a psychologist, author, and a guest in numerous national media outlets — it also makes it very easy to bypass the present moment, and the deep-fulfilling happiness that emanates from a gratitude for the experience in front of us right now. So take a quick listen, and then I urge you to go out into your life and really try to connect with and appreciate whatever experience happens to be in front of you. I suspect you won’t regret it!
When sexual assaults are reported, particularly in regards to college campuses, our minds typically gravitate toward two notions: A) to see that the perpetrator is brought to justice, and B) the victim seeks the appropriate course of treatment. But how often do we consider the nuts of bolts of the policy and protocols put into place by those colleges? Are they fair, efficient, and optimally designed? Or are there some gray areas when that can still be discussed and improved upon? That’s what this week’s guest, Carly, is here to talk about. Carly is a writer for the Indiana University student newspaper and has recently published a series on this topic that has raised some very interesting questions.
This week’s guest is Jeff Wenzler, founder of Pivotal Directions, a non-profit organization whose goal is to transform the lives of youths by teaching them how to be of service to others. Jeff’s story began at age 20, when his older brother tragically died in his arms, and subsequently inspired him to make the most of his moments by moving to Guatemela to teach. The perspective he learned from the people there lead him to launch Pivotal Directions so that hopefully others could learn the same lessons. Jeff has additionally made a film about his endeavors called “10 Dollar Perspective” as well as a book titled “The Pivotal Life: A Compass For Discovering Purpose, Passion, & Perspective.”
Highlights of this episode include:
— The story of how Jeff lost his brother to drugs
— How his brother’s death inspired him to travel To Guatemala to teach
— How his non-profit organization Pivotal Directions got started
This week’s guest is Mary Shores, author of the recently published “Conscious Communications” which focuses on the power that our words have in creating the course of our lives. Mary’s expertise in this topic was the result of bouncing back from an unfathomable tragedy, to founding a debt collection agency where she discovered the way she chose to communicate with people had a tremendous impact on the success of her business. From there, she managed to become an author despite claiming to never have been a writer, and she’s here to recount the entire story!
This week’s guest is Blake, a college senior at Indiana University. Blake has a been football player since his youth, and as a big guy, always a fairly dominant one. But as a college football player, going from the proverbial big fish in the small pond to the opposite proved to be an incredibly challenging transition in many areas. The rigorous time and energy requirements of the game was beginning to interfere with his ability to have a complete college experience, and a sense of loneliness was becoming prevalent. As the title suggests, Blake made one of the most difficult decisions he’s ever made in deciding to leave football behind, and was ultimately able to improve his grades and social life immensely, as well as discover a passion for broadcasting. Blake shows us how to create a rich, authentic life experience by staying involved, staying positive, and staying connected."
Oftentimes on the podcast, we talk about the importance of “connection” and how we eradicate a lot of our undue anxiety by simply connecting to something, whether it be a passion or otherwise. This week’s guest is Colette, who is here to take us on a journey that exemplifies this idea with her incredibly inspirational story of being a professional singer in New York City who suddenly lost her voice one day, and how she ultimately re-connected with it years later through volunteering to sing to Alzheimer’s patients. Colette’s story is a powerful testament to the healing powers that intent can illicit, how we better treat and serve our elders, and how the fulfillment we receive from any endeavor we choose to pursue in life is ultimately dependent on the energy we choose to bring to it. PS — Colette is also hilarious.
Highlights of this episode include:
— How Colette lost her singing voice while trying to make it as a singer in NYC
— How she was able to launch a career in comedy afterwards
— How she re-discovered singing many years later through volunteering
— Her grandmothers that inspired her to want to work with the elderly
— The importance of having a purpose, and much more!
On Greatness: My Story Of Leaving Accounting For Psychology
There are a lot of avenues we can take to define anxiety. So with this episode, I’d like to share my own personal story of how anxiety can bubble to the surface if all the best parts about yourself are being bottled. For me, this meant leaving behind an accounting career I’d worked very hard to build because my body was continuously letting me every day that I was in the wrong place. In this sense, anxiety can actually serve as a tremendous gift to us, a kind tap on the shoulder from our nervous system letting us know there’s a much better life for us that’s waiting to be tapped into.
This week’s guest is Akshay Nanavati, author of the forthcoming book “Fearvana: The Revolutionary Science of How To Turn Fear Into Health, Wealth, & Happiness.” Akshay struggled with drug addiction as a youth, but his life was changed after the movie “Black Hawk Down” inspired him to join the US Marines. After serving in Iraq, and struggling with PTSD as a result, Akshay began to educate himself deeply on the neuroscience behind fear, and developed some very interesting ideas on how fear can be used as a catalyst for many areas of personal growth. Akshay’s high-octane demeanor is contagious, and his enthusiasm for life and his work are highly enviable. I suspect you’ll enjoy this one and learn a lot like I did!
Highlights of this episode include:
—How the movie “Black Hawk Down” inspired Akshay to quit using drugs forever
—His experiences in the US Marines and the PTSD he experienced afterwards
—The differences between post-traumatic stress and post-traumatic stress disorder
—The concept of “Fearvana” and how we can use it to our advantage
—What we can learn through enduring challenging events, and more!
We live in strange, anxiety-inducing times. Whether it’s the 24-hour cycle of negative news, political drama, natural disasters, or personal troubles, it’s becoming increasingly easier to feel like we’re losing control of both our circumstances and our lives. So this week Julie and I would like to take some time to talk about the idea of designing your ideal day, which can be done as a simple exercise when you wake up in the morning. One of the keys to creating a more meaningful life lie in our daily actions, so we’d like to help you make sure your actions are in tune with the vibe you want to put out into the world. We think you’ll find this both simple and effective. Try it out and let us know how it goes!
This week’s podcast is partially inspired by this article, written by one of my favorite writers Frank Bruni: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/02/opinion/sunday/college-freshman-mental-health.html?mcubz=0
Bruni makes some fantastic points in the article, so I decided to discuss a few of them while offering some advice to college freshmen who might be struggling with the transition as well as my thoughts on getting right into the mix to hopefully avoid potential growing pains altogether. Enjoy!
I felt compelled to record an additional quick episode of UA this week to talk about Chicago weatherman Tom Skilling, and how he was so moved by the solar eclipse that he shed tears. Tom's shameless display of emotion can teach us a lot about living life from a place of passion as well as the shifting nature of masculinity in today's world. Enjoy!
Julie & I just dropped off our son, George, back at college for his senior year, and it got inspired us to talk a little bit this week about periods of transition and change that we encounter throughout our lives, especially as parents as we watch our kids grow up and move to on to do all the great things they’re destined for. While these times can be scary and uncertain, change is nothing to fear, so tune in to get our extended thoughts on the topic!
Back To School time can sometimes be a harrowing period that where old anxieties re-surface and new ones form seemingly out of thin air. It doesn’t have to be that way. So in the spirit of undoing our undue anxiety, I’ve collected a list of thoughts on how you can have your happiest, healthiest school year yet. This is the stuff I work with most commonly in the therapy room, so take a listen and then take action! Have a great school year!
Sean Griffin is the owner of Chicago Primal Gym, and he’s here today to share some of his incredible insights on how to cultivate strength, health, and happiness. Sean opened his gym back in 2013, and has managed to build an extremely tight-knit community of more than 250 members. What interests me about Sean’s philosophies is that they tend to differ from the norm — he describes the CPG experience as being like the TV show “Cheers,” except you’re in a gym instead of a bar! Hope you enjoy this one as much as I did!
Be sure to check out Sean’s gym on the web at www.chicagoprimal.com
Highlights of this episode include:
— Why Sean dropped out of corporate America
— How he came to discover his path lie in helping people achieve fitness instead
— How he was highly influenced by books like “The Alchemist” and “The Untethered Soul”
— Some unconventional habits Sean has adopted for the gym such as friday gratitude circles
— What is unconditional positive regard, the importance of taking action, and much much more!
We wanted to post an additional episode this week sharing our thoughts on the breaking news that Steve Bartman will be receiving a 2016 World Series Championship Ring from the Chicago Cubs! Bartman was the subject of relentless public scrutiny after he accidentally tipped a foul ball in Game 6 of the 2003 NLCS, and we’re pleasantly surprised that his story has a great ending.
In case you need to catch up to speed on the story: http://wgntv.com/2017/07/31/steve-bartman-to-receive-2016-chicago-cubs-world-series-championship-ring/
Joining me on this week’s episode is Matt Quinn, Community Relations Coordinator at Rosecrance, a substance abuse treatment center with locations throughout Illinois. Matt’s here to help me touch on a number of areas we haven’t really had an opportunity to discuss on the podcast just yet, mainly as it relates to marijuana and alcohol usage in teenagers.
Topics we discuss include:
— Substance abuse trends that have surprised him. What drugs has he seen decreases and increases in?
— His biggest concern about teens and young adults using marijuana
— Marijuana usage as it related to brain development in teens
— Can marijuana be a long-term healing solution overcome anxiety, or does it only have short-term benefits?
— Is Connection the opposite of Addiction? An interesting theory you’ll want to tune into…
Returning to the podcast for this week’s episode is my esteemed colleague Laura Kaehler. We talking largely about the anxiety that tends to develop in our kids during the late high school to early college transition, and some approached we can take as parents to ensure that we’re sending them out into the world to confidently embrace the challenges of life, and the resilience to bounce back from setbacks.
If you don’t recall Laura’s story, feel free scroll back through the archives for another great listen!
Topics we hit in this episode include:
— Why are kids growing more and more anxious toward getting their drivers license?
— Instilling confidence and resilience in our kids
— Is Snapchat is cleverly designed to circumvent us parents?
— Is taking the phone away ever an effective punishment?
— Why you should make an effort to understand your kid’s music
— Our musings on when medication can be useful
On this week’s episode of the podcast, I’m joined once again by my wife Julie. After being inspired by the latest Macklemore music video featuring his 100-year-old grandmother, we got onto the topic of family, and had a few musings on how we can all coexist together a little more peacefully.
Also, here is the link to the Macklemore video we talk about in this episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OrLroFa0AI
If you’ve listened to this podcast before, you’ll be familiar with the idea that fear, judgement and ego are the big three facilitators of the undue anxieties we all encounter in our daily lives. Well, today we’re going to focus on the ego part of that with James McCrae, author of the new book “Sh*t Your Ego Says.” James has a roller coaster of a life story that involves leaving an unfulfilling lifestyle behind, becoming homeless after Hurricane Sandy, and putting it all back together largely thanks to mindfulness practices like yoga and meditation. If you like what James has to say, and I suspect you will, check out his work at www.shityouregosays.com. Enjoy!
Highlights of this episode include:
— How James became unhappy climbing the typical corporate ladder in Minneapolis
— The final “kick in the ass” that inspired James to change his life and move to New York
— How he became homeless after Hurricane Sandy
— How he became acquainted with the negative aspects of ego, and tools like yoga and meditation
Today’s guest is Alex, a high school English teacher & cross country/track coach. Alex decided his path was in coaching when he became he realized that hard work alone didn’t always equal success, and as a result became very interested in learning about the remaining puzzle pieces. His journey has allowed him to cultivate a rather unique approach to coaching teens and he’s here to share his story and wisdom.
Highlights of this episode include:
— The unusual reason Alex began coaching (hint: it wasn’t just to win)
— What is psychological momentum and how it can help you move toward your goals
— How focusing on the process instead of the outcome can create better teams and athletes
— How being engaged in athletics can help curb depression and anxiety in teens
— Tips for motivating an unmotivated child
Today’s guest is Susan, a long-time friend of my mine who is here to share her story about her battles with anorexia and bulimia throughout college. We also touch on her husbands’s suicide later on in her life, and how that has affected her family moving forward.
Jaimal Yogis is the author of three books (arguably with the most awesome titles ever), “Saltwater Buddha,” “The Fear Project,” and the forthcoming “All Our Waves Are Water.” His work centers around the intersections of surfing, fear, meditation, eastern philosophy and personal memoir, the journey of which began when he ran away from home at age 16 to go learn how to surf in Hawaii in the wake of his parents’ divorce. Jaimal has taken the lessons he’s learned from the ocean and his travels and applied them everyday life in way that’s pretty awe-inspiring.
Highlights of this episode include:
— Why Jaimal ran way at home at age 16 to learn how to surf in Hawaii
— How his adventures as a youth influenced his parenting style today
— All the great ways surfing serves as a metaphor for life
— Why spending time in the water is like magic
— Why he decided to write an entire book about fear following a break-up
— The ancient roots of fear, and how we’re biologically wired to “fight, flight or flee”
It’s hard to believe, but Undue Anxiety has been around for an entire year now! To celebrate, I’m joined once again by my wife, Julie, to talk about some of the most significant observations we’ve made and the lessons we’ve learned in the process of hosting this very podcast. While we touch on a range of topics that are bulleted below, perhaps the most important takeaway is that you should never, ever forget what it is that’s great about YOU…
What you’ll hear in this episode: -Why we changed the name of the podcast to “Undue Anxiety” -Why we should be honest and forthcoming with our stories versus hiding our anxieties -My first experience with panic attacks at age 14 -What we’ve noticed when people are forthcoming in sharing their stories -The inability to hear yourself in a world of constant external stimuli -Therapy as a means of self optimization -The mental & emotional roots of many physical problems -A crucial exercise to help you reconnect to what’s great about you
(Editor's note: I've had the following piece of writing piece of writing pinned to my wall for the last few months, and thought it would be appropriate to share along with this episode. Enjoy!)
There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.
And If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable it is nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate YOU.
Keep the channel open... No artist is pleased...
There is no satisfaction whatever at anytime There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes “us" MORE alive than the others.
Martha Graham ( - a letter to Agnes De Mille-)
Andrea Petersen is a contributing writer to the Wall Street Journal, where she writes about health, psychology and neuroscience. She’s also the author of the recently-published memoir “On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety,” which is an incredible read that’s quite the page turner. In our conversation, Andrea is kind enough to talk about some of the more harrowing aspects of her journey, as well as some of the most important tools in her toolbox for managing anxiety.
Highlights of this episode include:
— Andrea recalls the first time she ever experienced anxiety
— Her extensive journey through the medical world to arrive at an anxiety diagnosis
— The long list of avoidance behaviors she acquired and whether she judged herself for them
— The way a childhood illness can be a precursor for developing anxiety later in life
— Why she thinks anxiety is increasing among young people
— How anxiety disorders have actually improved Andrea’s life
Summoning the confidence to follow your dreams is a much more difficult task for the average college student than it may seem. Take today’s guest, Aaron, for example — he’s been a gifted soccer player all his life, and earned a tremendous opportunity to play soccer at a NCAA Division 1 school. But something wasn’t quite right. He had all sorts of fears and doubts about whether or not he could actually succeed, and a history of six concussions telling him maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. The root of what Aaron was dealing with, was simply a lack of confidence, and with this episode we delve deeply into the nature of it, and it how’s such a key player in shaping our lives.
What we talk about in this episode:
— Aaron’s history of concussions as a soccer player, and the how they affected his daily functioning
— His lack of confidence in pursuing a soccer career, even in the face of big opportunities
— Where he suspects his lack of confidence originates
— His path back to playing soccer again, once his concussion symptoms healed
— His current inspirational outlook on the nature of following one’s dreams
Dr. Joe Tatta is a doctor of physical therapy and the author the new book titled “Heal Your Pain Now: The Revolutionary Program to Reset Your Brain and Body for a Pain-Free Life.” If you or a loved one is experiencing any sort of chronic pain, you’re definitely going to want to tune into our conversation, which was illuminating in terms of the role that our brains and emotions play in the larger picture of pain. Dr. Tatta believes that resolving pain has a lot more to do with the brain than the body, and makes a very strong argument for his case.
TOPICS WE DISCUSS IN THIS EPISODE:
— Joe’s surprising philosophy on how to alleviate chronic pain for good [2:00]
— The difference between acute pain and chronic pain [3:12]
— Why pain persists sometimes even after an injury had healed [6:00]
— The types of people who may be pre-disposed to developing chronic pain [9:00]
— The correlation between chronic pain and depression/anxiety [12:15]
— How re-framing the way you think about chronic pain can possibly eliminate it altogether [14:10]
— Why Joe believes traditional methods of treating pain, such as medications, will always fail [14:45]
— The difference between pain and suffering [21:00]
— The role that fear plays in pain, and how addressing fear can diminish pain [23:50]
Today’s guest is my friend Kelli — an incredible wife and mother, a vice president at a company you’ve probably heard of, and one of the most all-around brilliant, vibrant people I know. The story Kelli’s here to share begins shortly after she finished college and moved to Los Angeles, when she unfortunately lost her mother to suicide. What followed were some very difficult years during which she stayed incredibly busy as a way to cope, until a car accident forced her to finally slow down and begin the process of processing her grief…
WHAT WE DISCUSS IN THIS EPISODE: — The sudden loss of her mother to suicide, and how she coped by staying incredibly busy [2:25] — The car accident that forced her to finally deal with her mother’s death [6:15] — The disastrous night that convinced her to finally seek therapy [11:00] — The process of getting into therapy [14:30] — Feeling embarrassment about getting help [19:30] — Kelli’s advice for people who may be struggling with intense feelings [25:15]
Today’s guest is Mark Lukach, author of a brand new memoir titled “My Lovely Wife In The Psych Ward.” If the title alone isn't enough to grab you, this snippet from the book’s description says it all:
Mark and Giulia’s life together began as a storybook romance. They fell in love at eighteen, married at twenty-four, and were living their dream life in San Francisco. When Giulia was twenty-seven, she suffered a terrifying and unexpected psychotic break that landed her in the psych ward for nearly a month. One day she was vibrant and well-adjusted; the next she was delusional and suicidal, convinced that her loved ones were not safe.
Needless to say, when Mark was thrusted into the new role as his wife’s caregiver he inevitably found himself confused, frustrated, and worst of all — completely alone. So the two big questions Mark and I tackle in our conversation are: A) How does one take care of themselves and draw the strength to support your spouse during a difficult mental illness? And B) How is his love and admiration for his wife able to remain intact through this journey? Mark’s wisdom on the topic is definitely worth a listen.
WHAT WE DISCUSS IN THIS EPISODE: — Mark summarizes the story of his marriage and the onset of his wife’s illness and 3 hospitalizations [1:54] — The (lack of) help Mark’s insurance company offered him when he considered counseling for himself [8:05] — How Giulia’s illness actually made their family stronger in the long run [9:35] — Mark’s frustration about the lack of information available for caregivers [12:20] — How Mark’s love and admiration for Giulia has remained intact throughout her illness [15:05] — How an active lifestyle, particularly running, became a great source of strength for Mark [16:25] — The primal nature of running, and it connects us to our human ancestry [22:05] — How surfing, and even just being in or around water can have similar effects [24:05] — Mark’s advice to other caregivers [29:55]
“I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was gonna faint. I just thought I was dying. There’s just this place that you have no ground underneath your feet and you don’t know what’s going on with you.”
Above are the words from today’s guest Melissa Woods, describing what it felt like to be inside of a panic attack. Like so many of us — these panic attacks began seemingly out of nowhere for Melissa, and slowly grew into an invisible monster that dictated nearly every aspect of her life.
Melissa is the author of the recent novel “Getting Past Anxiety,” in which she details her entire experience as well as the healing the journey that changed her life. And in our chat today, we’re able to dig into the nitty gritty details of her a story a bit in hopes that some aspect of her journey will inspire others to move past their undue anxiety woes.
WHAT WE DISCUSS IN THIS EPISODE:
— Her negative experience taking anxiety medication [3:04]
— How seeing a chiropractor helped launch her healing journey [4:54]
— What her panic attack symptoms felt like [7:04]
— How nobody in her family ever knew she suffered from anxiety until her book was published [8:44]
— Trying to manage anxiety as a single mom [10:34]
— Diagnosing anxiety via a psychiatrist versus attempting to decode the message anxiety has for us [12:34]
— How her anxiety morphed into claustrophobia and agoraphobia [13:04]
— How she met her transformational healer, and the process that helped her address the root cause of her anxiety [21:24]
— Can anxiety be inherited from a previous generation? [27:54]
— Why a novel was the ideal way for her to share her story versus a self-help book [33:04]
Today, I’m joined by 18-year-old Mattis, and we’re talking about the trending Netflix series “13 Reasons Why,” which is as addictive and entertaining as it is controversial and downright disturbing at times. If you’re not familiar, the show centers around the unfortunate suicide of a young high school girl named Hannah, and a set of audio tapes she leaves behind for 13 of her peers whom she felt played a role in her decision to end her life. While many feel the show is spreading awareness about teen suicide prevention, others - including some of my colleagues in the mental health profession - fear that show may actually be sending the wrong message who those who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Spoilers are present throughout this episode
Topics we explore in this episode include: -The extremely graphic suicide scene at the end of the series -Is this show a realistic representation of the typical high school experience? -Are younger people mis-interpreting the message of this show in a dangerous way? -How to handle someone confiding their suicidal thoughts in you -Should parents let their kids watch this show?
Anxiety and panic attacks can happen to just about anyone, at any time. And that includes successful TV personalities! Which brings me to today’s guest, Molly Fay, who is the host of the “The Morning Blend” based out of Milwaukee, WI. She opens up about her experience dealing with a sudden onset of anxiety, the roots of which can likely be traced back to the loss of her brother to suicide. We talk about the effect this had on her career, and what she ultimately did regain her sense of normalcy.
Highlights of this episode include:
-The story of losing her brother to suicide, and the qualities of mental illness that can go unnoticed
-Does she think suicide is a selfish act?
-How cognitive behavioral therapy was the turning point to resolving her anxiety
-At what point should someone experiencing anxiety symptoms seek professional help?
-Her views (and mine) on anxiety medication, and more.
Today I’m joined once again by my wife, Julie, and we’re digging into the topic of creativity and how it relates to all the various aspects of our lives, especially undue anxiety. I have a theory that certain types of the anxiety I see in both kids and adults these days may really not be much more than pent up creative energy begging to be let out. But a lot the things we encounter on a daily basis can prevent this from happening, especially as we start to develop a concept of who we think we are and who we think we aren’t. So if you’ve ever been told that you can’t sing, dance, draw, paint or play an instrument - this one is especially for you. And look out for a special creative challenge toward the end of the episode if you’re up for it!
Highlights of this episode include:
-Is there correlation between anxiety and creative energy?
-How small comments and incidents can repress our creativity
-How facing your biggest fears can lead to your biggest breakthroughs
-The benefits of encouraging creativity from a young age
Dr. Helen Odessky is an anxiety expert and the author of the brand new book titled “Stop Anxiety From Stopping You.” She describes her early experiences with anxiety as a youth as feeling like there was a cinder block on her chest, and many years later has dedicated her career to understanding the ins and outs of the panic and fears we all face everyday. Check out her book at the link below. You might recognize the guy who wrote the foreword!
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Anxiety-Stopping-You-Breakthrough/dp/1633535460/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491779598&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=helen+oddessky
Highlights of this episode include: -The dreaded school lunchroom and anxiety -How panic manifests differently in people -Anxiety advice that absolutely DOES NOT -Should you remedy panic attacks with Coca Cola? -Two surprising things that can short circuit (but not cure) anxiety -Tips for taking ownership of your anxiety
John is a fun guy. He’s a blast to talk to, loves playing the guitar, and loves helping people. But he’s a guy who has been plagued by anxiety in many different shapes and forms throughout the many years that I’ve known him. Whether it’s drug use, “school refusal,” chronic stomach pain, or even something as peculiar as obsessive dieting, the culprit has always been able to be traced back to the many-headed beast of anxiety. John’s here today to share his story about all the different ways his undue anxiety has affected him throughout his youth, as well as the incredible healing powers of the guitar!
Highlights of our conversation include: -Consistently missing school when he was younger -Quitting drugs cold turkey after a particularly wild night -The importance of having positive role models to talk to -How anxiety can be a good thing once in a while -And of course, the wide variety of his symptoms throughout the years
Mark Goblowsky is a husband, father, U.S. Air Force veteran, martial arts expert, and host of the Strength Through Struggle podcast. Following a particularly rough upbringing, Mark was seeking a more structured adulthood; a code that he could live by, which he found through the military as well as his martial arts training. But nothing could prepare him for the day that his changed forever in just an instant - the day his 3-year-old (at the time) son suffered a traumatic brain injury in a tragic accident.
Today’s guest is Kevin Oberhausen, a Chicago-based life coach, massage therapist, and energy healer. Our conversation dives into the depression and anxiety he experienced as a child, and how that experience informs the life he leads today. Perhaps more importantly, we discuss that role that your thoughts play in how you experience reality, as well as his new 30 Days of Self Love project, which might just change your life.
Highlights of this episode include: -His childhood experiences with depression and self-harm, and the TV show that gave him the idea -How allowing yourself to feel your feelings fully versus taking medication can help resolve depression -How happiness and joy can be a state that you live in consistently -The changing nature of masculinity in our society -Kevin’s 30 Days of Self Love Project, and how it might be just what you need
As promised, here's part two of the podcast with my brilliant, hilarious friend Ilene. Here, she shares with us her story since childhood and her mother's suicide, including the impact on her marriage, her career, and parenting her two amazing children. In the wake of it all, her joy for life and humor will inspire you.
Today we welcome my good friend Ilene, among the kindest, most funny, thoughtful people I know. In part one of her podcast, Ilene shares with us some beautiful stories of growing up in a loving yet complicated family. She talks about the politically-incorrect 'spanky paddle' to hitchhiking mishaps to the reason she locked her brother in the garage. She also generously shares the story of her mother's suicide, and the physical and emotional fallout for herself. This one is WAY more fun, and funny, than you might think.
At just 31 years old, Jennifer answered the phone one day to unexpectedly receive the news that her husband was leaving her and moving out. She describes this experience as “life shattering” and is here today to tell her story in great detail and - much more importantly - how she bounced back to create a life of great purpose and meaning that she never would have imagined prior.
Highlights of this episode include: -Why divorce is rated higher on the stress scale than death -Her gnawing fear that her children would grow up with the “children of divorce” label -Her mindset shift that helped the proverbial phoenix rise from the ashes -How a single triathlon training class created a snowball effect of significant positive changes in her life -And I can’t spoil the rest of the story from there!
Today on the Undue Anxiety Podcast, I'm joined by my wife Julie to discuss what I've begun to call the "February Funk," a period in which a lot us tend to feel a little depressed, a little stuck, a little anxious. Julie and I talk about how the "Funk" - and our country's current political climate - are bringing her down, and how she thinks we might fix it.
Charlene describes her youth as a period in which a great emphasis was placed on physical appearance and presentation. This all changed, however, when a car accident sparked an unlikely journey inward that would become her life’s greatest gift. Today, she’s here to share the wisdom that has been the result of that journey, and how she uses it to build and maintain strong relationships with her three daughters.
Highlights of this episode include: -The low-level hum of fear and anxiety that was present throughout her childhood -The life changing car accident that would become her greatest gift -Her coach-based approach to parenting; the opposite of helicopter parenting -Why her goal as a parent is to help her children find their direction and purpose in life -Tips for taming the voice inside your head
When Nathan was just 7 years old, an unfortunate incident resulted with him accidentally killing his pet cat. Overcome with guilt and remorse, what followed for young Nathan was a life-long spiral of anxiety that eventually manifested into symptoms of OCD, depression, and more. Today we talk about Nathan’s life story thus far, which takes an incredibly inspirational arc, and all the tips and tools he’s used over the years to break himself free.
Highlights of this episode include: - Homeschooling, and entering high school for the first time - Accidentally killing his cat when he was 7 - Discovering music, comedy, and podcasts - Career advice for those who may be dealing with anxiety or depression
Today’s guest is Dylan, who is here to share his story about the roots his anxiety, which can be traced back to feeling responsible for his parents’ separation as well as his father’s anger issues. What Dylan experienced growing up led to his buying into the false “I’m not enough” or “I’m not good enough” myth that our fears will sometimes manifest for us. Dylan bravery takes through the highs and lows of his life journey thus far, including a revelation he wasn’t planning on sharing, as well as the philosophy that’s helping him shape a positive adult life.
Highlights of this episode include: -Why he initially blamed himself for parents separation -Why he still feels fear and anxiety telling this very story today -How his father’s anger issues impacted his life and anxiety -His worst depressive episode he went through in middle school -His favorite quote that helps him & more!
Today’s guest is Michelle Icard, author of “Middle School Makeover.” She also made headlines earlier this year when she left a note for three “mean girls” at Starbucks encouraging them to be more kind (http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/stevens/ct-note-to-girls-at-starbucks-balancing-0531-20160531-column.html) Michelle shares her story about how the anxiety she experienced in middle school inspired the work she does today, and we also take a deep dive into the often murky waters of the middle school years. I think her advice and perspective can help both kids and parents navigate this period a little easier.
In this episode, we talk about: Why she loves working with middle-schoolers Her anxiety issues during middle school, and how theater helped her The perfect storm that is the middle school era Why sneakers so so extremely popular among middle school boys Why she loves social media, and how parents can help their kids have a better experience with it The infamous Starbucks incident that landed her in the news earlier this year
Back in October, Emily came on the podcast to talk about her brother Jack, who had tragically passed from brain cancer. Today, we have her older sister, Leigh, joining us to share her perspective in dealing with Jack’s illness. Leigh was away at college for a large portion of Jack’s battle, and was also dealing with her own personal health crisis, which created a lot of difficult emotions for her. We also talk a lot about some of the inspirational writings Jack published on his blog (linked below) before he passed away, as well as some of the pieces he hadn’t published that Leigh later discovered.
Highlights of this episode include: -How 30 Rock & The Beatles remind her of Jack -Discovering some of Jack’s unpublished writings on his computer after his passing -How she believes cancer affected his overall confidence, self worth, and dating life -Being diagnosed with Crohn’s disease during Jack’s cancer battle -The element that made Jack’s wake so much different than most others
Also, here is a link to the blog Jack started that we talk about in the episode: https://icouldbethewalrus.wordpress.com/
Erica Lofton is the 15-YEAR-OLD founder and CEO of Girls in Action, a not-for-profit organization spreading powerful messages of anti violence and female empowerment. As a entrepreneur, speaker, host of workshops, and musician who still finds time to hit the mall with friends once in a while, Erica is truly one of the most inspirational teens I know. This is an important listen for those of us out there who may be disappointed with the current state of millennials and our youth in general, as Erica is accomplishing major things in this world.
ALSO - In the episode, we talk about a song Erica wrote about Trayvon Martin called “No Time Left,” which you can check out at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNU64eg7Chg
Are there crucial life lessons to be learned from having a serious illness? Is it possible that cancer can actually make you a better, stronger person? And do the thoughts that you think daily play a role in just how much we suffer through such a process? These are just a few of the ideas we tackle with today’s guest, Jessica. When diagnosed with breast cancer, Jessica decided to approach her illness from a mindset of healing as opposed to the all too common “fighting" one, using the mantra #BetterEveryDay to not only shift her focus away from fear, but inspire many, many others to do the same via hashtag in the process.
Highlights of this episode include: What is #BetterEveryDay, and anyone can use this to improve their life significantly Her cancer diagnosis, and the irony of the day she found out Approaching illness from a place of healing, not fighting How cancer has made her a stronger, better person in many ways Attending Game 7 of the World Series
Erin Taylor & Sue DeCaro are PCI certified parenting coaches as well accomplished speakers and authors (their respective resumes are not a short read!). Together, they formed Building Connected Communities, a network of therapists, life coaches, social workers, etc., working together toward the common goal of inspiring change in the world. They’re here today to talk not only about their story and experiences, but what they feel are some of the biggest obstacles in raising children in our modern society.
Highlights of this episode include: -How they both became parenting coaches, and the life experiences that influences their practices -The importance for males to allow be in touch with their feminine side -The biggest problems they see as parent coaches -The most important part of being a parent that often gets overlooked -How our children can also be our teachers -The best way to teach children to calm their minds in only 2 minutes
Just a quick episode today to all of you out there who may be experiencing some anxieties over the holidays, dealing with difficult people or family members, and how to set yourself up for a happy and successful 2017. Enjoy!
The title says it all here, folks. Today’s episode features top Chicago attorney, Beth McCormack, who’s here to talk about her work focusing on family law, and all the things that go into navigating the tricky, gray areas of topics like divorce and domestic violence. Beth has a developed a unique approach to such cases by employing a philosophy that favors conflict resolution over destroying the other party in court. Lots of great wisdom and knowledge here, especially in regards to maintaining your mental health throughout situations that tend to be so emotionally taxing.
Highlights of this episode include: -Why she requires all divorce clients to work with a mental health professional throughout the divorce process -Litigation vs. Mediation: How to determine the best divorce process for your unique situation -How fear manifests as anger in most divorce cases, and how this negatively affects any children that are involved -How being a parent herself influences the way she practices law
December 9th is always a weird day on the calendar for me, as it’s the day my younger brother, Tom, took his life. So today I’d like to take some time (along with my wife, Julie) to share some of my favorite memories of him, talk about what made him so special and unique, and hopefully provide a different lens through which to view any loved ones of yours who may be dealing with depression, addiction, etc...
As a natural born athlete, Conner fell in love with the sport of hockey at the age of 3. It was this passion that carried him all the way through his childhood, teen years, and was what he was planning on using to pave the way through college. You can say that it completely defined his life and who he was. Until age 18, when an unfortunate accident left him unable to lace up his skates for an indefinite amount of time. So what happens when you suddenly can’t be who you are anymore? How does one pick up the pieces and re-discover their sense of self-worth and find meaning in life again? Conner’s got some great insight on today’s episode...
Highlights of this episode include: -Conner’s love for hockey since age 3 -His knee injury at age 18 that left him unable to play the game -His recovery and what life was like with the absence of hockey -His 2nd injury, and the depression and drug use that followed -Where Conner is today with his recovery and mindset
Today’s guest is Nick, who has a number of wild stories to share about his past battles with drug addiction. Like many in his situation, it took Nick a long time to come to terms with his problem and finally get the help he needed to bounce back. But that’s only half the story. Where it gets really interesting, is when all the drugs are finally in the rear-view mirror, and Nick is suddenly left to face all of the unresolved issues that likely caused him to turn to drugs in the first place…
Warning - some explicit language in this one!
Highlights of this episode include: -The story of how Nick and I first met -His initial experiences with smoking weed, and how he eventually began selling it -What is Electric Forest, and why everyone should attend (for real!) -The intervention his parents had for him, and why he refused to go to rehab -The story of how it all came crashing down, and he decided to finally go to rehab -Most importantly, the challenges he didn’t expect to be facing once he was finally sober
Today’s guest is Samantha, who is here to share her story about about the ups and downs of a few different relationships she’s been in, including an abusive one that wreaked havoc on her life. What’s really remarkable about Samantha is her unwillingness to play the role of the victim as so many of us do when life and relationships don’t exactly go our way. Instead, honing her self awareness has allowed her to recognize some re-occuring patterns in her relationships that she’s since been able to overcome, and acquiring some killer wisdom on “trust” along the way.
In this episode we discuss: -How she eventually realized the relationship she was in was an abusive one, and how it affected all her other relationships -How she eventually became seriously ill over the stress she experienced during this relationship -How she was finally able to cut ties and break free -How similar patterns emerged in her next relationship, and how she reacted to learning about his drug problem -Most importantly, why she’s ultimately decided to still trust other guys she dates in the future, despite her previous experiences
"Usually if you do something you love, it tends to make you happier and feel better.”
Today’s guest is my niece, Claire, one of the most awesome, interesting teenagers I know. From losing her father at a very young age, to growing up with epilepsy, to being wrongfully accused of self harm at school, she’s already accumulated a significant amount of life experience for her age, all of which she’s used to grow from and create a genuinely happy life for herself. Turns out that the old stigma of the kid who’s wearing all black, dressed in Metallica shirts, and drawing on themselves might actually be the happiest of the bunch!
Highlights of this episode include: -The impact that drawing has on her ability to be present -How she was accused of self harm at school -Why she sometimes draws on her skin, and how she talked a friend out of self harm -The stigma of wearing all black, Metallica shirts, etc. -How losing a parent at a young age affected her life -Living with epilepsy -Her advice to parents on how to raise a genuine good person
Some thoughts on last night's election results, how to explain to our children and move forward...
Today’s guest is Kathleen, a mother and artist whose unique approach to parenting has allowed for simplicity and balance in her life while still cultivating meaningful bonds with each of her kids. Through her various stories about raising children, we learn that parenting doesn’t need to be much more complicated than providing a supportive environment for your children to grow and they will wind up with everything they need to embark upon their own life’s journey...
Highlights of this episode include:
-What happened when she gave her son the option to simply STOP doing his homework
-Why a gap year was the best thing to ever happen to her son
-Why if she could change one thing about her past, she would’ve gotten a Farrah Fawcett haircut in high school
-How she got her 21-year-old son to go to Ikea to take photos (Hilarious!)
-Her brilliant 'pool table’ metaphor for life
Our inner monologues can oftentimes do a number on us if we allow them to. They can tell us we’re not good enough, or that we need to stay in that bad relationship, in addition to an endless amount of other diatribes that cause us to wage unnecessary war against ourselves. My conversation with today’s guest, psychologist and certified life coach Lisa Kaplin, takes aim at these voices and deconstructs them with a number of very important questions: Are these voices even real? Whose voice is it? Are they serving you or making you happy? What if you changed it to a different voice, something more positive and nurturing? How would this change your life? All of this, and much more!
Highlights of this episode include:
-Silencing the voice inside your head that says you should do what other people want you to
-How staying in a bad job or bad marriages can set up bad models for your kids
-Why she decided to work exclusively with women in her coaching practice
-How Instagram culture is affecting our kids
-Can body image issue begin as early as infancy?
-Why the Millennial generation is a great thing for our society, and more!
Cara Pollard is a friend and colleague of mine whose practice was born out of a significant childhood event - one day, her mother left to “go buy a pack of cigarettes” and didn’t return for an entire year. Instead of growing into an angry, resentful adult over this, Cara ultimately used the experience as an opportunity to become an expert in the art of forgiveness. Cara’s here to share her story today, and detail how forgiving her mother was essentially a pathway to deep healing, avoiding destructive feedback loops, and creating the family and career of which she had always dreamed.
In this episode we discuss:
-Her mother’s abandonment as a child, and how their relationship is now stronger than ever because of it
-Why you should never badmouth a parent to a child, regardless of the situation
-Is forgiveness more of a process, or a point in time?
-How her experiences as a child helps her coach other parents today
Where we last left off in Part 1, Emily was telling us about her experience dealing her younger brother’s battle with brain cancer, in addition to the news that her mother also had cancer. Things had seemed like they were finally settling down for a bit, until her brother’s cancer returned...
In this episode, we talk about:
Her brother Jack’s second cancer diagnosis, and where she was when it happened
The hilarious joke Jack played on me when I ran into one time
What Jack had to say about Emily shaving her head
Her last time she saw Jack
The period of time following his death, why she never took time off from school
Why death, dying, and illness doesn’t need to be a taboo topic to talk about.
Emily vividly remembers the day she got the news. Unfortunately, she hadn’t made the volleyball team that year. While something like this might crush the average 13-year-old, Emily was able to shrug this off like it was nothing. Mostly because when she got home that day, she learned that her younger brother, Jack, had cancer…
Today is the first half of a very important conversation with Emily, whose family took a journey to hell and back that they never asked for, and handled it with some of the greatest strength and poise I have ever heard of. Perhaps most importantly, I’m blown away by the person Emily has become as a result of her circumstances. Her heart, her humor, and her humility is the stuff of sages...
Highlights of this episode include:
-What it was like to get the news about her brother Jack
-Her parents’ disposition that life was going to move on anyway throughout Jack’s illness
-How cancer allowed her to create a very special bond with her brother that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise
-How she gracefully, and humorously handles ‘pity’ from others
Laura is back for Part 2 today to share the rest of her story. Where we last left off, Laura had just packed her bags and shipped off to Germany in the wake of her brother’s suicide. I don’t want to spoil too many details here, but the conclusion of Laura’s story is a true testament to how to the struggles you endure really do shape who you are for the better, and allow to give back a great deal to this world.
Highlights of this episode include:
-The “scripts” that we carry around about ourselves, and how they influence who we are...
-The effect that becoming a college professor had on her, despite never really believing she was smart
-The seemingly small incident that finally helped her feel “at home” in her career…
-How she made the incredible leap from college professor to therapist
-How all the difficult things she went through in her life informed the work she does today
-The best way to explain addiction-related issues to children
-And even a little Springsteen banter!
My guest today is Laura, a great friend and highly-valued colleague and, you will find, a wildly eloquent badass. Today, Laura is kind enough to share her triumphant life story of overcoming enormous obstacles over decades, including alcoholism, tragic loss, and low familial expectations. All along the way, you can sense Laura’s unwavering steely strength, and deep faith in her ability to not only survive, but to overcome and leverage her experience to help and guide others. Laura shares her story here with generosity, warmth and humor. One can only imagine that her friends, family and clients benefit enormously from the richness of Laura’s story.
Big announcement today, everybody. We are changing the name of the podcast to "Undue Anxiety" for a number of reasons, which I explain in this quick announcement. Lots of exciting, new and improved things to come!
Lately, I’ve had a wave of mothers and daughters in the therapy room that have been having some knock-down, drag out verbal brawls right before my very eyes. And as I’m witnessing these all-out battles, one word comes to mind - AWESOME! That’s right… awesome! Today’s short podcast is about how it’s just okay to emote; to scream at your loved ones; to hash out your issues as a way to work toward resolving them. You’d be surprised about the amount of anxiety that this simple tactic can relieve!
Today’s guest, Samantha, describes the post-college job search as a period of “Free Fall,” in which there is lots of uncertainty, instability, and rejection to be encountered along the path to building a meaningful career. And riding the coattails of those three things, of course, is anxiety. Anxiety about immediately being able to support yourself and pay back student debts. Anxiety about comparing yourself to others. Anxiety about your family wondering what how come you haven’t found a job already. But the truth is that today’s job market for college grads has changed quite a bit since the last generation, and getting caught in any of the above mindsets isn’t productive or helpful. Luckily, Samantha is able to report from the trenches here with some valuable words of wisdom for navigating this period.
Highlights of this episode include:
-How today’s entry level job market for college grads isn’t the same as earlier generations
-Is there shame around not having all "the answers" at 22?
-How her struggles has inspired her really work on the art of self-acceptance, and maintaining self-worth through transitional periods
-Why you shouldn’t beat yourself up with what you “should’ve done” on missed opportunities, etc.
-Appropriate self criticism - what is helpful and useful vs. excessive and hurtful?
-How to cope when nothing is really panning out career wise
-How “transitional jobs” can assist with personal growth and finding your path