BOWIE VS. DYLAN: Recent Episodes
DAVID BOWIE VS. BOB DYLAN
Brothers Jake and Charlie finally answer one of philosophy's greatest questions: who's better, David Bowie or Bob Dylan? New episodes on the 1st and the 15th. www.bowievsdylan.com.
Dear Bowie vs. Dylan consumers:
Please find below a synopsis, free of charge, from one of our esteemed children, Mabel, of the following episode, #71 in an unending series. Mabel also serves as an executive producer of the podcast, and was instrumental in actually getting Jake to post this sweet ep, which was truly meant to go live to the world at large not too long after 2023 ended, and 2024 began, because of course the subject matter of said sweet ep is a rundown of all of the many doings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 2023:
It was super cool and it now should be called: "Mabel's Dad's Cool Songs", and in Dad's cool songs, they talk about Bowie vs. Dylan, because they're really cool. But there's no Charlie! Just Mabel and Dad; that's why it's "Mabel's Dad's Cool Songs".
I'll bet you can't resist clicking "Download" now, can you, on the latest episode of Mabel's Dad's Cool Songs.
Quick survey, yes or no questions, real quick, no skin off your back:
Are you a frequent listener of podcasts? Yes.
Do you frequently listen to podcasts that have music as their subject? Yes.
Do some of your most preferred music podcasts fall loosely under the category of "classic rock"? I guess, but don't you find those genre signifiers outmoded and narrow in scope, especially as they pertain to certain artists who might happen to have decades-long, groundbreaking, and chameleonic careers?
....... As a listener of classic rock podcasts, do you take a virulently entrenched stance as to who's better, David Bowie or Bob Dylan? HELL YES.
As a listener of classic rock podcasts with a virulently entrenched stance as to who's better, David Bowie or Bob Dylan, would you be willing to engage in any sort of physical altercation with a member of the opposite preferred artist's camp, no matter how frighteningly it might escalate? Why, I would fight someone right now given the opportunity.
When listening to this highly specific, but growing in popularity, niche of podcasting, do you want, hope, and in fact crave for the content of said podcasts to, for the most part, be about discussing and analyzing music that could be considered, at a minimum, "good", and hopefully "great to transcendent"? Yes, that would be a reasonable expectation.
Then you've come to the wrong place, on this Top 10 Worst Songs of Their Entire Careers-themed episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Find out how shocked the boys are, on a scale of 1-10, that the Bowie camp decided to release TWO good boxsets in consecutive years.
Spoiler alert: the answer is 11.
But not to fear! They also released literally 68 other things that weren't nearly as shockingly excellent.
And what's that, you ask? Did Dylan do some stuff, too, whether good, bad, or ugly?
Spoiler alert: the answer is maybe?
2022 is the new boss that you meet that's the same as the old boss, on this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Say there:
Are you one of the lucky few Bowie vs. Dylan fans who have invented and/or participated in time travel, thereby allowing yourselves to go forward a few (dozen) years in time and pick up the Bowie vs. Dylan archival release deluxe edition box set, and then travel back to the present day to compare that future release, which of course includes Episode #68 (Top 10 Archival Releases), to the current one (Episode #68, Top Ten Archival Releases), just to see if the archival bonus material is truly revelatory, or just another shameless cash grab from we here at Bowie vs. Dylan?
You did?
Well, then can we offer you a full refund on this podcast in the present day? Or at the very least, can we offer a compromise that I think will work out excellently for both parties? Here's the deal: we here will send you there compact discs of each 10 minute segment of "Ep 68" (as its colloquially known in the future, but of course you already know that), each of the 14 discs in its own lovingly rendered mass-produced cardboard sleeve and meant to be housed in 6 different boxes of varying sizes, which are sold separately and (checks online) just sold out. The shipments of each disc and box will be extremely late and each piece will incur an extra shipping charge.
In return, you there will send us 175 buckaroos, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Thanks podcast audience, for choosing and paying handsomely for this LIVE from bowievs.dylan.com concert experience! We thank you kindly for your patronage, and we hope you enjoy this LIVE concert experience!
Editor's note: this experience is neither concert, nor LIVE. What's that you say? You figured that out the moment you clicked on the link that you paid handsomely for? You didn't want to pay for a tasteful black and white-filmed rendition of BvD's greatest early hits, only this time in differing Americana-flavored arrangements?
Well, that's all fine and good, but I bet you also didn't want to pay handsomely for 6 nearly-identical David Bowie concerts from the 90's, plus a frickin' sold-out BOX to house them in, plus shipping and handling on each and every one, only to find that neither the CD's or the box were actually arriving on time, did you? But you did.
And I bet you didn't want to pay handsomely for 2 separate (but nearly identical) super-deluxe editions of a sprawling Bob Dylan Bootleg Series exclusively dedicated to the most wayward and frankly cheesy period of his career, now did you? But you did.
So just can it, pal. We here at Bowie vs. Dylan know that you there will pay handsomely for any content that we here spew out, because we here are now a legacy act, and just you there wait until we're dead because that's really when the spigot gets blasting.
Happy New Year from Bowie vs. Dylan!
Charlie discusses Yo La Tengo's 1993 album "Painful", which is his entry for the "Late Bloomers" theme. Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but is too busy gazing at his shoes and tinkering with that damn organ to really do it justice.
Ouch! That really hurts, it's almost painful, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
On this episode, Jake discusses Wilco's 1995 album "Being There", which is his entry for the "Late Bloomers", or as it's more colloquially known, "Albums We Didn't Like at First but Came To Love", theme. Chaz listens to it at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is too busy traveling in a time machine to recommend it to Jake again in the year 2000, just so that he can take credit for Jake's hopeless love affair with it even more in the year 2021 on this podcast.
There's rows and rows of houses, with the windows painted blue, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
t's an extravaganza!
If by extravaganza, you mean a continuing little break from our usual format to present a celebration and countdown of hosts Jake and Charlie's favorite albums from the years of our Lord 1970-1974 in an alternating format that starts this time at #5 and finally ends at #1, then yes!
It's definitely an extravaganza, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.
t's an extravaganza!
If by extravaganza, you mean a little break from our usual format to present a celebration and countdown of hosts Jake and Charlie's favorite albums from the years of our Lord 1970-1974 in an alternating format but stopping at our number 6 album and continuing next time with the rest, then yes!
It's definitely an extravaganza, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.
On this episode, Jake discusses The Jayhawks' 2011 album "Mockingbird Time", which is his entry for the "Breakup Albums" theme. Chaz listens to it at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is exhausted by the thought of how he's going to go about becoming estranged from Jake again,honestly, this time it better stick because Jake's just out here touring with the Louder Than Sound podcast and using the name even though clearly it wouldn't work without him, and now he's never speaking to Jake again. Again.
Plus the last Louder Than Sound album was absolutely terrible, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Charlie discusses St Vincent's 2019 album "Masseduction", which is his entry for the "Break Up Albums" theme. Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but is too engaged at the moment with popping pills and reveling in some light and consensual BDSM.
The safe words are "Louder than Sound" on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
On this episode, Jake discusses Robert Plant and Alison Krauss' album "Raising Sand", which is his entry for the "Unlikely Collaborators" theme. Chaz listens to it as well at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but the sand raised by the artists is in his eyes and scratching them badly, plus all of Alison Krauss' 27 Grammys are clogging up the works.
There's a lot going on here, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Charlie discusses Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharach's album "Painted From Memory", which is his entry for the "Unlikely Collaborations" theme. Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but found himself awash in a pastiche-tinged 60's pop fever dream instead.
It was a bit of challenge overall, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
On this episode, Jake discusses John Vanderslice's 2011 album "White Wilderness", which is his entry for the "Albums Of One" theme. Chaz listens to it as well at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is so busy ravaging the indie legend John Vanderslice with John Mayer and Jack Johnson comparisons that he disappears up his own butt in a spectacular display of poor referentialism.
But at least he likes the album alot, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Charlie discusses Laurie Anderson's 1982 album "Big Science", which is his entry for the "Albums of One" theme. Jake listens to it at the gentle behest of Charlie, and wants to discuss it as well, but can't speak about the mundane yet profound outrageousness of life (and consequently, the album) without a constant "huh" noise of his own creation on an endless loop in the background, and he couldn't figure out how to produce one in time even though the technology has existed since the late 1970's.
But then again, Chaz doesn't like the color of his sweaters anymore anyway, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
On this episode, Jake discusses Roy Acuff's nebulous compilation of material recorded in the early 50's "The Great Roy Acuff", which is his entry for the "Music Recorded Before 1955" theme. Chaz listens to it as well at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it, but gets so into the country-western vibe that his voice gets stuck in a twang so twangy that it becomes incomprehensible.
And don't even get me started on the near-yodeling, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Charlie discusses Washington Phillips' compilation album "Washington Phillips and His Manzarene Dream", which is his entry for the "Music Recorded Before 1955" theme, it having been recorded in the late 1920's and early 1930's. Jake listens to it and discusses as well, but gets so worked up and full of the genuine spirit that he leaves the podcast right then to become a full-time jackleg preacher, which he realizes is a bit against the spirit of jackleg preaching, as he thinks by definition is a part-time unpaid gig.
But so is this podcast anyway, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Very special guest Tim Rebers discusses Frank Sinatra's 1955 album "In the Wee Small Hours", which is the inaugural entry for new theme "Music Recorded Before 1955". Jake and Charlie listen to it and discuss in tandem as well, but are frankly not as knowledgable and charming as Tim, so they resort to crooning sad sack tunes about watching the breath they breathe from their lungs on a cold day in January that's enough past Christmas to feel bittersweetly about it, but also far enough from spring that the frigid air burns not just their lungs and nose but also their yet-thawed hearts. They think it's a metaphor?
Charlie discusses Bridget Bardot and Serge Gainsbourgs' 1968 collaborative album "Bonnie and Clyde", which is his not first, but second entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme. Jake listens to it and discusses as well, but got so, so sick from trying to chain-smoke unfiltered French cigarettes for the entirety of its running time, and about halfway through got his face stuck in an overly-swarthy leer when his unfortunate wife accidentally walked in on him listening.
Comme ci, comme ca, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Is everyone ready for 2022 yet?
On this episode, Jake discusses Aimee Mann's 2017 album "Mental Illness", which is his not first, but SECOND entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme. Chaz listens to it as well, and discusses as well, at the gentle behest of Jake, and wants to discuss it as well, but is so overwhelmed by the general classiness and empathy of the album that his vocal cords start crying every time he tries to say something.
We're looking at a goose snow cone, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Happy continuing New Years, everybody!
On this episode, Charlie discusses Arthur Russell's 1986 album "World of Echo", which is his entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme, despite it clearly not coming out in 2020. Jake listens to it and discusses as well, but thought it might have come out 2020 for all the influences he hears from it in today's new-fangled minimalist sad-sack reverb bandz.
Bet poor Arthur didn't know he'd created a new musical micro-genre, did he, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Happy New Years, everybody!
On this episode, Jake discusses Kahil El'zabar's 2020 album "America the Beautiful", which is his entry for the "Albums That Hit Us Hard in 2020" theme. Chaz listens to it as well, and discusses as well, but gets distracted as usual by making bongo drum noises with his mouth, which is his wont, but he doesn't quite get that only other bongo drums can understand him, and our audience is made up of about 25% bongo drums and 75% human people, according to our latest metrics.
But that's 2021 for you, isn't it, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Merry Christmas Day, everybody!
On this episode, Charlie discusses Sufjan Steven's 2006 holiday classic "Songs For Christmas", which is his entry for the "Christmas Albums" theme. They're all EP's, but whatever, he says out loud, but jovially, and as a card-carrying hipster, he is required to, but in fact enjoys it un-ironically. Jake enjoys it as well, he swears, but as a card-carrying winter cocktail kind of guy, he may have had too much of both the immense playlist and of course those fine winter cocktails.
We swear we didn't plan to put out all of our episodes on Fridays just to have this land on Christmas, we swear, on this episode of Louder Than Sound.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! On this episode, Jake discusses the good, bad, and the existentially ugly of Phil Spector's "A Christmas Gift For You!", which is his entry for the "Christmas Albums" theme. Chaz rocks around the Christmas tree as well, but straight up knocks himself out running into that famed Wall of Sound.
It's a holiday delight for everyone besides Charlie, who is now lying unconscious on the floor of his home office, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.
Chaz presents his weird thoughts on Bjork's weird Drawing Restraint 9as his choice for the agreed-upon "One-Artist OST" theme. Jake also tries to discuss it from that one and only time he will ever listen to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Chaz, but each of them just ends up panting, squelching, and slamming their pinkies inelegantly on gamelan chimes.
It's an honest but doomed attempt at a truly experimental podcast structure, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.
Jake presents the English version of his French thoughts on Benoit Charest's The Triplets of Bellevilleas his choice for the agreed-upon "One-Artist OST" theme. Charlie also discusses it from that one recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Jake, but also because he's been quite familiar with it since it came out in 2003. It's probably more the latter than the former, to be honest.
Bon appetit! For your ears, that is, on this edition of Louder Than Sound.
Charlie presents his nerdy nerdy thoughts on Cluster's Zuckerzeitas his choice for the agreed-upon "Gateway Albums" theme. Jake also discusses it from that one recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Charlie.
The ground-breaking majesty of the vintage synthesizers heard therein are made evermore monumental when the two brothers who host this podcast, so like the two communal "music-brothers" who made this album, find a way to program their synths to sound exactly like embarrassingly executed German accents.
Nein! On this edition of Louder Than Sound...
Jake presents his thoughts, all the way from his mere boy years to his current mannish boy years, on Muddy Waters' aptly titled Muddy "Mississippi" Waters Liveas his choice for the agreed-upon "Gateway Albums" theme. Charlie also discusses it from that one recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Jake, and boy is he excited! He keeps whooping and hollering at the top of his lungs any time Jake says anything at all, but mostly when he spells simple 3-letter words.
That's M...AAAAA...N... on the latest edition of Louder Than Sound.
Special guest host Nancy Beck (AKA Jake and Charlie's indomitable mother) brings her musical knowledge and enthusiasm to one of her all-time favorite LPs, the 1976 album Luxury Liner by Emmylou Harris. The boys listen in rapt attention like some kind of throwback to their childhood story time before giving their personal, and wildly divergent, opinions on the country classic.
In the latest episode of Louder Than Sound, Jake presents his thoughts on an actual, real-life classic album: Bruce Springsteen's 1982 LP Nebraska. Come along as Jake (and by extension, the Boss himself) weaves a sweet web of tantalizing info about the home demos that somehow became a masterpiece. Charlie (who never really got into ol' Bruce) listens to it for the very first time and lets you know if he thinks it's all it's cracked up to be.
Louder Than Sound: a podcast about music for people who like music made by people who love music.
Charlie introduces Elza Soares, an 80-something samba singer who is a living legend in her native Brazil. In 2015, she released Woman at the End of the World, an explosive departure from her previous dozens of albums and possibly her finest work. Jake dips his toes into Elza's wild decades-long career and lets us know his initial thoughts.
Louder Than Sound, the new podcast from the fellas who brought you 64 episodes of Bowie Vs. Dylan, is back for a second go.
Jake presents the context and background for Soul Coughing's 1994 LP Ruby Vroomas his choice for the agreed-upon "1st Albums" theme. Charlie gives his thoughts on a terribly unique album that up until now he had never apparently listened to. Does he like it? Does he hate it? Will that affect your own feelings about it? Listen to find out.
From the fine folks who brought you Bowie Vs. Dylan comes a new podcast that explores the enormous world of music.
For the inaugural episode, Charlie presents his studied thoughts on Tom Waits' 1973 LP Closing Time. Learn along with Jake about Waits' shadowy past and try to figure out how on earth he actually sings like that. Top it off with Jake's take on the album, not necessarily from a place of expertise, but from that one most recent time he listened to it at the gentle behest of the above-mentioned Charlie.
Chaz' Special Secret Diary: August 23rd, 2021: Dear diary, I just want to tell you how special of an ep of BvD we just recorded today! I was so funny and insightful about Bowie's albums list, and Jake also happened to be there.
Chaz' Special Secret Diary: September 15th, 2021: Dear diary, remember that sweet sweet ep of BvD I told you I recorded a few weeks ago, the one where I'll be considered for the Pulitzer? And Jake was there but just stared at me and drooled the whole time? Well...it's not been published yet. Guess I'll have to talk with the boys in the IT department!
Chaz' Special Secret Diary: November 1st, 2021: Dear diary, I've become perturbed, because the legendary lost episode of BvD from August still hasn't surfaced, and I hate to rag on the guy, but Jake has REALLY DROPPED THE BALL ON THIS ONE. He's the one who's responsible for putting them up and he JUST HASN'T, and here it is nearly Webbys season.
Chaz' Special Diary: December 6th, 2021: It's so cold, diary. I fear this will be my last entry. I can't tell where I am or what's around me. I keep calling out for help, but no one answers. There will be no Bowie vs Dylan podcast episode #66. I am utterly alone.
Goodbye, cruel world, on this very special albums ranking countdown episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Wow, the reason that Chaz and Jake haven't been providing fresh new episodes of this podcast for the past couple of months has been because we got lost in the desert on an annual BvD Board of Directors-mandated team building exercise. We almost starved, too! That Charlie really was looking pretty tasty for a couple of days there, wasn't he?
Anyway, we're back, but we've had no access to the news or to the outside world for most of 2020. Did we miss anything?
(Shuffles papers). Are we sure that this Bowie release schedule is correct? How many 90's-era soul patches must we endure?
(Shuffles different papers). Dylan's still BACK?! Like, for realskis? That's rad!
Like you are, dear listeners, who will never hold it against us that we refuse to catch on the state of domestic affairs, not to mention global ones, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Welcome to Louder Than Sound, the new podcast series from real-life brothers Jake and Charlie, which finally answers the only question they didn't ask on Bowie vs. Dylan: What's better? Jake or Charlie's taste in music?
Listen every Friday as they discuss favorite albums from their deep record collections based on themes, reactively guess and react to each other's reactions to their reactions!
Welcome to Louder Than Sound!
Here's one or more sentences to describe this shockingly (long) final regular-run episode of the shockingly (all figures relative to actual popular) popular podcast, Bowie vs. Dylan:
It's the last one.
Jake: Are you cryin', Chaz, because I'm not cryin'.
Chaz: I'm not cryin' either, Jake.
Jake: I'm DEFINITELY not not cryin'.
Chaz: Wait, does that mean you ARE cryin'? Your double negative is confusing, as are all your double negatives, and frankly, all of your words altogether.
Jake: I'll let you be the judge, but just know that I had to get a new beer that I'm not not cryin' in, and buy a new keyboard that I didn't not ruin because I was not not cryin' on it, and Lord I hope it comes via not Amazon in time for me to finish this one-or-more-sentences blurb about this not not last episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Chaz: (not not cryin')
Jake: (not not cryin')
Internet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pVT_mvvZLo
Chaz: I'm Charlie, and I like Bowie, as well as superty-duper long episodes of the podcast I co-host that are so drawn out that they go against every fiber of my being!
Jake: And I'm Jake, and I love Dylan, as well as wildly long and incoherent podcasts that are still half as long as every single average Academy Awards in existence!
Everybody: And that's that, on this not not not final BvD Awards episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Hey, what you can say about 2016? Besides, of course, GREAT YEAR.
Absolutely nothing upsetting happened that continues and will continue to reverberate through the political ages, nor did, like, 154 important musician/celebrities die unexpectedly within what seemed like a 6 month span.
Nope, good one, 2016. Way to go!
You won't find us complaining, not even because David Bowie passed away, because hey, he released an amazing album just before that that took on a whole new and deeper meaning immediately. Eh? And even though Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize for literature, which must have seemed like a huge bummer for him, at least he stretched the boundaries to their breaking point for actually accepting the coveted prize. All of Bowie's albums shot to the top of the charts, Dylan was 2 million kroner richer, and me and Charlie are about to ride off into the sunset having talked about it way too much.
So at least we got that going for us, which is nice, on this 2016 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Can I interest you in a vintage year for this podcast episode, maybe a 1965, perhaps?
No more Bowie dominance in the year 1977, no more personal rock bottoms for poor, lost Bob Dylan, and even more so his embattled family. Just sweet, pure, unadulterated, mythic, apocryphal, top of the world musical dominance from Bob Dylan that will last forever and ever, er, I already forgot about my opening metaphor, which if I remember correctly was a bottle of wine, so...maybe...Dylan fans will drink it up heartily while Bowie fans will swish it around for a sec then spit it out onto their couches. Does that satisfy the metaphorical requirements?
What's that you say? What was Bowie doing in Dylan's best year, whoops spoiler alert? Ummm, was he even David Bowie yet? Weren't there some flailing attempts at bands and singles and...other stuff? What's that you say? Who cares?
Charlie and all the other Bowie fans out there care, that's who, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
1977, ho hum, nothing much happening here at Bowie vs. Dylan podcast, just a random year of the comings and goings of David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan. Let's see, what might be the rub? Probably an album or two apiece from the two of them of varying quality and breadth, some number of singles from Bowie and maybe one from Dylan (if we're lucky, that is), a tour or something, certainly the ridiculous exercise of assigning points to their subjective pursuits coming out in the wash to basically a tie. I mean, that's been the story, more or less, since this podcast's inception 61 episodes ago, what could possibly be the big difference this time around?
(Puts on this very episode, vigorously checks notes while half-listening, becomes increasingly horrified)
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...there's no other way to say it, it's a bloodbath. Although looking at the year (1977), I bet you can't tell which artist comes out on top! You'll have to listen yourself to find out who! Oh boy, who could it be?!?!?!?
(Slowly starts laughing, changing uncomfortably over a matter of 30 seconds into maniacal guffawing, passes out, drools a little but clearly needs the time of relative rest and peace, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.)
David Bowie: Say there, good chaps and chapettes! I have a simple, but deceptively profound question to ask of you:
Good Chaps and Chapettes: Lay it on us, Bowie.
David Bowie: Brilliant! So here goes-
Bob Dylan: Heeeeeeeey, Bob Dylan here, also with a question to ask of everyone.
Good Chaps and Chapettes: Hi Bob! Well, as long as it's an incredible coincidence and the question is the same as David's...we suppose, because we have a ton of stuff to do around the yard today and we're not made of time, you know.
David Bowie: Should we just say it together, Bob, on the count of 3?
Bob Dylan: Is that on 3, or just after 3?
David Bowie: ON 3, man.
Bob Dylan: Stop yelling at me.
David Bowie and Bob Dylan: 1...2...HOW DEEP ARE THE CUTS?
Chaps and Chapettes: Our open wounds or musical tracks?
David Bowie: Most of my musical tracks ARE open wounds, metaphorically, well, anyway, we mean music.
Bob Dylan: a. DEEEP cuts?
David Bowie: b. DEEEEP cuts?
Bob Dylan: c. DEEEEEP cuts?
David Bowie: Or d. DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP CUUUUUUTS?
Chaps and Chapettes: No all of the above option? We feel it should be all of the above, on this very special 60th podcast extravaganza edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Jake: I'm back, baby!!! Ready to again offer some of those patented witticisms that barely make any sense, for this latest episode of this here podcast. What have you learned from your experience writing them, Chaz?
Chaz: I don't know, I'm exhausted from the effort I put in two weeks ago in your stead.
Jake: Anything?
Chaz: Uhhhhhh, small words followed by some big words, followed once again by some smaller ones? Maybe describe what happens in the episode, but only enough info to tantalize potential new listeners into giving us a shot?
Jake: Thanks, professor.
Chaz: Bowie invents the internet YET AGAIN by releasing a streaming live album with the absolutely atrocious name of "You'll Have to Listen To Bowie vs. Dylan To Find Out"...dotcom.
Jake: Dylan swaggers around the world, huffing that sweet sweet career comeback glue and putting in more than minimal effort to win a frickin' Oscar the following year.
Chaz: Bowie himself posts some stuff on his website that I was absolutely a part of when it started. In fact, call me Charlie@Bowie.net from now, would you please?
Jake: Yes, sir, Charlie@Bowie.net!
Charlie@Bowie.net: (makes classic dial-up internet noises with mouth)
Jake: (makes classic dial-up internet noises with mouth)
Early PC Computer Voice: On this 2000 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Jake:
Charlie: Whoa... Jake usually writes these semi-coherent ramblings, most of which don't really even make sense until after you've already listened to the episode, but it looks like he missed this one so I'm coming in at the last minute to throw something together. Unless, Jake, you want to take over?
Jake:
Charlie: Okay, well, Bowie released a deuce of sweet VHS tapes covering his 1987 Glass Spider tour that were later released on DVD. And he was involved in modern dance. What about Dylan?
Jake:
Charlie: Yeah, so I don't remember much about Dylan on this one... I think he did some pretty crappy stuff? Like a bad album probably? But then he also did The Traveling Wilburys, who were pretty ace so it balances out. I think we talked about making a Traveling Wilburys childrens' book series. It's a humorous portion of the podcast. Jake, any other thoughts?
Jake:
Charlie: You heard it here, folks. Listen in to a podcast that does actually feature both normal hosts, we swear, on the 1988 edition of Bowie Vs. Dylan.
Jake: Well, here we go with another totally normal, on-point, focused edition of Bowie vs. Dylan! What do you say, Chaz?
Chaz: I'd say that you've already gotten us off track by listing too many adjectives to describe how lean and mean this episode, which is live right now, is going to be. JAKE.
Jake: You're one to talk! You could have just said "lean", it's clear, but you just HAD to stick a rhyme scheme in that makes your statement neither lean NOR mean.
Chaz: Well, according to my calculations, before I even said anything, my Podcast Brevity Algorithm, PBA for short, patent pending, suggested that we were on track for a 61 minute episode, which as we've discussed at length, is unacceptable. But now that you've RUINED EVERYTHING ALREADY, we might as well delve into as many tangents as humanly possible, I mean, it's only natural.
Jake: You know, that reminds me of a time when I thought I was on a tangent, but I was actually talking about what I meant to talk about. The year was 2009 and I had just almost murdered a...crap, I forgot to press record again, we'll have to start over, we've been talking for 90 minutes with no podcast.
Chaz: I can't even look at you. I'm blocking your FaceTime video while I start this 1998 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan. (big sigh)...Okay, ladies and gentleman, IIIIII'M Charlie, and IIIIII like-
Jake: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!?!?!? Chaz, turn your FaceTime back on!!!
Chaz: I hate you so much! Wait, what? It's a topless man doing a strangely hypnotic dance full of odd moves and contortions! Where'd he even come from? How is he interrupting a podcast? And what's that written on his chest?
Jake: Looks like...BOWIE.NET BOMB?
Chaz: It's the future of the internet, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
The myriad choices for your preferred Super Deluxe Edition of this Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast 2014 have arrived by magic horseback, delivered by hand, by Bob Dylan and David Bowie! Aren't you thrilled? Check out all the special deviations and features, and pick your favorite to own, or your most favorite favorite, since you'll for sure want them all:
7 CDs, 14 LPs, 1 DVDs: Bowie looks suave as H, making you slightly uncomfortable to show the 70 page booklet of Hot Granddad Bowie photos to your Granddaughter. Dylan looks like his Vincent Price mustache has been poorly CGI'd right off his ancient yet eerily smooth face, making you equally uncomfortable in a totally different way to show the photos to your Granddaughter or anyone else really. Cost: $85
1 CDs, 1 LP, 14 DVDs: Whoops, we had found even MORE hand-written lyrics from Dylan's Basement Tapes years, and accidentally included the originals in this boxset. Those are practically priceless. Please send this one back! Cost: Priceless
0 CDs, 22 LPs, 0 DVDs: Jazz Covers Edition! Bowie records exactly one (1) jazz cover for inclusion, the remaining content are Dylan's efforts, totaling one thousand (1000) mellow, crooning contributions. Cost: $235
390 CDs, 0 LPs, 0 DVDs: 195 separate "Best Of" compilations for each of Bowie and Dylan's greatest contributions to music. 195 different chronological track listings each, 195 different orderings based on country where sold for each, 195 different hand-drawn album cover arts for each. 1 result: INCREDIBLE SUCCESS. Cost: $4290. Note: set cannot be broken up into individual compilations.
10 CDs, 10 LPs, 100 DVDs: This episode and this episode only re-enacted word for word in different podcasting styles by some of the biggest musical stars of the day never to be knocked from their cultural pedestal ever: Jim James! Elvis Costello! Taylor Goldsmith! Rhiannon Giddens! Marcus Mumford?! Producer: T-Bone Burnett. Listener: YOU. Cost: $1,000,000
0 CD's, 0 LP's, 0 DVD's: One (1) podcast broadcast for free ($0) via all of your favorite podcast platforms and players. Cost: $0
Myself and Chaz bought all of them, even the weird "priceless" one, so if you're any kind of fan you'll follow suit, just kidding, we love you, on this 2014 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Dye your horsehair red, dolled-up dogies, and join us for an olden yet futuristic romp with David Bowie and Bob Dylan through the year 1973! Meet your cast of characters:
David Bowie: I'm one of the biggest stars in the universe. Or STARdusts, IF you know what I mean!
Bob Dylan: Heeeey, me too! Except substitute the space metaphors for old west ones. Literally everyone on earth knows who I am in 1973, whether I like it or not, which I definitely don't.
Sam Peckinpah: I don't know who you are. Who is this kid? I mean, who is this Billy the Kid?
Kris Kristofferson: Sammy...what? It's my good friend Bobby! Ever since I swept up his commemorative one millionth cigarette butt in 1966, I've found him to be the most magnetic acting presence anyone's ever done laid eyes on!
Sam Peckinpah: That's patently untrue. But...as a young, hungry, up-and-coming musician, I guess he might have a future?
ColumBS Records Executives: Well, he did, Sam, he really did, he used to, we guess, until he disappointed us deeply by continuing to sell millions of records but not releasing super-classics every 5 months. I know! Let's release his worst album to convince him to stay on with us now that we kicked him to the curb but then he unexpectedly had a gigantic hit.
David Bowie's Outrageous Red Mullet: This is my time, baby!
Bob Dylan's Slightly Subdued Fro: This is my time to get shoved under a period-specific Stetson cowboy hat! Check me out again starting in the year 2000 and continuing until the end of time.
David Bowie's Fans: AAAAAAAAAGHGGHHGHGHGHHGHGH WE LOVE YOU ZIGGY WE BOUGHT ALL YOUR RECORDS!!!!
Bob Dylan's Family: AAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHHHHHGGHGHH, Mexico is hell for us.
The Spiders From Mars: Wait, what did David just say? Did we just get canned on stage in front of thousands of fans who definitely love us just as much if not more than David Bowie? He couldn't have just-
David Bowie: You're fired! Sorry, not sorry, mates, on this 1973 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Setting: Circuit City brand electronics store, circa 2006.
Bob Dylan fan #1: Heeeey. I'm looking for that sweet new Bob Dylan long-playing music album, my brother, where can I find it?
Lone Circuit City Employee #1: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhhh-
Bob Dylan Fan #1: Don't hurt yourself, friend, I'll just look...over...here, next to the....other consumer electronic merchandise? Which, now that you mention it, appears...barren?
David Bowie Fan #1: I can relate! Bowie might as well change his name to David BARREN for all the new albums he's been putting out lately, amiright? It appears that he's in the middle of some unexpected hiatus, a vacation, a Bowie Breather? A Bowie Break? A Bowliday? Maybe we should do this using his first name, but I just can't seem to get it, oh well, it will never be named by anyone ever.
Bob Dylan Fan #1: I'm just looking for Dylan's new album, it went #1 in 47 countries, it's tots controversial? It's called Modern Times? Anyone?
Lone Circuit City Employee #1: (drooling)
Intercom: Dear former Circuit City customers, Circuit City is going bankrupt as we speak! Please cheerfully clear the floor so that the remaining merchandise can be hauled to the nearest area Best Buy for resale, including the only known copy of Bob Dylan's Modern Times! Thanks for never shopping at YOUR Circuit City ever again, byeeeee!
Bob Dylan Fan #1: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhh, on this 2006 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Welcome to the 40th Annual Retrospective Spectacular of the 22nd Annual Grammy Awards !!! Here's your host, Kenny Rogers:
Kenny Rogers: Honestly, looking back, what a cluster this was. Why are we having another retrospective of the 1980 Grammy Awards? I think at this point you just gotta know when to fold em'.
Bob Dylan: Heeeey, what did I win? I mean, what did Jesus win?
Grammy Award for Best Rock Vocal Performance, Male: Me! You won me! Or am I Best Rock Performance, Solo, or was it Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance, or...WHO THE HECK AM I, anyway, this is a heckuva time to have an identity crisis, this was supposed to be my night!
Best Disco Recording: Me, I can't WAIT to be back next year, and the year after that, and until the end of time or recorded music, whichever comes first. What a time to be alive and to always be a part of the Grammy's forever!
David Bowie: Erm...did I win anything?
Jake and Charlie: This podcast episode, Bowie. You handily won this episode, on this 1980 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Welcome to the 52nd Anniversary Concert Celebration of Bowie vs. Dylan!!! With your host, David Bowie!!!!!
David Bowie: Thanks so much, you're all so lovely! Well, this is grand, isn't it? It's just me and Bob Dylan, together at last for a special tribute to-
Backstage Lackey #1: (rushes over discreetly and whispers in Bowie's ear, for, like, a while.)
David Bowie: Well, folks, it seems there's been a misunderstanding, I've NOT been invited to perform at long last with Bob and fulfill the secret prophecy of most of the world's religions. (long uncomfortable pause) I'm just here to lend my wonderfully rich voice and presence to the proceedings. It seems no-one, not even my record label, will release me singing or playing anything at all. Just me in tuxedo attire and speaking soothingly as if I was a particular form of sleep aid. Say...that gives me an idea! But anyway, if I wasn't invited to sing, then I guess no-one was.
John Mellencamp, Stevie Wonder, Lou Reed, Eddie Vedder, Tracy Chapman, Johnny Cash, June Carter Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Winter, Ron Wood, Richie Havens, Neil Young, Chrissie Hynde, Eric Clapton, The O'Jays, The Band but not Robbie Robertson, George Harrison, Tom Petty, Roger McGuinn, The Clancy Brothers, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Roseanne Cash, and Shawn Colvin, and Sinead O'Connor: WE were invited!
Bob Dylan: Heeeey, sorry I'm late. I was trying very hard to pretend that I would come by rehearsing and promising to come, but then be so late or have some excuse as to why I had to skip it altogether, but I lost track of how late I wanted to be and accidentally showed up for the at least the last 1/3 of this concert devoted to me.
Everyone: Blowin' in the Wind, anyone? On this 1993 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Setting: The year 1968, A 4th-rate comedy club called "LAFFS!!!", late at night (or early in the morning), quiet and mostly deserted, and not because of social distancing orders.
Emcee: Ladies and germs, our next act needs no introduction, he's mop-topped and just flew in from England, you know the rest, it's...DAVID JONES! (light applause)
David Jones: Erm, it's actually David BOWIE now.
Emcee: Whatever, say it don't spray it, man.
David Bowie: I just flew in from England, and boy, are my arms tired! (crickets chirping)
Emcee: Good one! I hate to cut into your explosive set here, bub, but let's get this over with, don't you have a special guest or something you'd like to bring on, or something?
David Bowie: Right, here he is from Woodstock, NY, USA, it's...Bob Dylan!!!
Bob Dylan: (talking in a strange half-croon, half-nasal whine) I just flew in from Woodstock, and boy are my arms tired! (half the crickets roaring in approval over nothing, half the crickets yelling "Judas!")
David Bowie and Bob Dylan: Let's see, what else? What else...has been goin on? Hmmm, let's see, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
It's that very special time of life again, dear listeners! A round-number anniversary. 50 episodes, can that be right? Counting down our personal and professional opinions on the very best covers that any artist ever did of Bowie and Dylan songs?
Boy, it seems like it's been, what? 9, 10, episodes since we here at Bowie vs. Dylan last celebrated a milestone? I mean, besides all the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in any given year, that is, that's always a reason for excitement. Gosh...looking at the old calendar, it seems that we don't have many left before we run out of them, huh?
REALLY makes it hit home when we say it like that, though, doesn't it? Geez, now it's getting a little misty in here, must be our allergies, or all that quarantine dust in the air, it's thick, boy, now we’re really sobbing, so many non-emotionally-related eye irritants, it's getting hard for us to type, yep, we better take a break.
We're back, baby! And don't we feel better; a little time away from some potentially painful feelings never hurt anyone. That and a bottle of red wine, amiright? Or two, one for each of us, and then another couple each for David and Robert, and Chaz, he told me to go ahead and have his, we can't share it anyway on account of COVID-19, wats that, loosen up a little, gol. Heeeeey, we here at Dowie vs. Bylan really loooove you listeners, you’re our flavorite listeneers, we meen it this time!!
We're not crying, YOU’RE crying on this 50th Anniversary Super-Deluxe Edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
What follows is a basic synopsis of this podcast:
Welcome to Bowie vs Dylan, special 2011 edition!
Where literally nothing happens, except some stuff that happened in 2010.
Bowie is invisible; Dylan is touring the world. David is hanging out in his sweatpants at home (picture not included); Bob is transcendent in his wide brim flat top hat.
Both look (and presumably feel) pretty darned snazzy, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!
What follows has been nimbly and professionally translated from English to Arabic to English to Japanese to English to Latin to English to Norwegian and back to English for our very special fans who share that particular heritage:
Bowie, our Perkins 2011 Hello!
Literally, it's nothing but the 2010 items.
I don't see Bowie. Saint is the largest in the world. At the gym, David had his own suit (not including pictures). Wide flat shoes, Bob has a hard top and is slow to anger,
This version of Saint-style Bowie sees (and feels) us!
Welcome to this live broadcast from the 33rd Annual GRAMMY AWARDS, hosted by Arsenio Hall!
Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads) Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Arsenio Hall: Guys, that's enough, even I'm sick of that bit, kind of like David Bowie and Tin Machine, amiright?!
Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads): Boo boo boo boo boo boo!
Arsenio Hall: Or what's the deal with Bob Dylan's shattered love life, flatlining album sales, flagging cultural relevance, and obvious but functional alcoholism? What a card, AMIRIGHT!?!?
Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads whilst softly crying): Boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo.
Arsenio Hall: Let's get right to it, with some awards, and in the interest of time and frankly, my sanity, there's one winner for the following 18 awards: Best Rap Album, Best R+B Album, Best Rap Song, Best R+B Song, Best Music Video Long Form, Best Hammer Pants, Best Dope Haircut, Best Life, Best Tour That Had To Be Cancelled But Whose Fault Is That Really Anyway The Fans That's Who For Not Supporting MC Hammer Scratch That It's Just Hammer Now Quiet Down Critics Still A Tour As Lavish As His Lifestyle: You're not gonna believe this, but ALL of those awards go to...
MICHAEL BOLTON!!!!
Steel bars, wrapped all around us, on this 1991 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Setting: Reality, 2003.
Corrected Setting: A Reality, 2003.
Jack Fate (an elderly washed-up rock prophet who in no way resembles Bob Dylan): The future lies not in the past, but in the past, where there is no future and only then can we know the present presently.
Jon Bon Jovi (a hot as H Dad who in no way had his haircut ganked by David Bowie): It's my life!!!
John Goodman, Jeff Bridges, Penelope Cruz, Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett, Bruce Dern, Ed Harris, Val Kilmer, Cheech Marin, Mickey Rourke, Christian Slater (in unison): Oh God, what have I done?
Luke Wilson: Oh God, what have-actually, this seems about right for me.
David Bowie (realizing that Jon Bon Jovi is coming after him, you know, to get his hair back): Uhhhhhh, maybe you could be distracted if I did a right strip tease?
52-Year-Old Female and Male Fans (in unison): YES!
Bob Dylan (reading from a scrap of paper): Sometimes it's not enough to know the meaning of things, sometimes we have to know what things don't mean as well.
Forrest Gump (running): I'd like my fortune cookie back, please, on this 2003 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Setting: A lavish grand room with a fire burning, but not fro hot as to melt the rich mafrogany.
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1: Froh helfro. There's been a knock on my froor.
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #2: Haha!
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1: Do you happen to be the butler? The milkman? Frogurt saleswoman? The rubbish collector? Packet delivery gentleman? The maid? My wife? The fire froker? Saint Nifrolas?
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #2: Haha! That's high fromedy. Or wait, you truly fron't frow? I'm...(whispers) David Frowie.
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1: HaHAAAAAA. Ha! I frow, friend. I thought you knew this was a...(whispers) TV frow. I'm Bing Frosby, but you fron't see me froing on about it.
Disheveled Yacht Froat Denizen: (bursting in to wild applause) Heeeeeeey. What do you frow, fros? Catchphrase, catchphrose...catchfrose!!!
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1 and #2: Froh, you! It's Frob Dylan, and he's on a froat!
Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1 and #2, and Disheveled Yacht Froat Denizen: (in wildly unsuccessful 3-part counter-harmony): On this edition of Frowie vs. Dylan!
2020: (a fresh little baby, whistling a jaunty tune) Oh man, am I pumped! Who else just got born? Anyone?
2019: (a sagged old man, snorting a cynical dirge) What are you so pleased with yourself about?
2020: The freshness and anticipation of new life, wise elder! Say, you look like you're just chock full of wisdom, or wait...what IS that?
2019: Oh, this? It's the incredibly heavy burden of a full year's worth of human suffering, longing, troubles, and yes...unfiltered joy. It's our sacred duty as years to accumulate and carry it, to bear up under it with all of the strength and perseverance we can muster. It's what you have to look forward to, young baby.
2020: No, not that...THAT. It looks suspiciously like Bob Dylan, Martin Scorsese, Mick Ronson, Joan Baez, KISS, and Sharon Stone in a pseudo-documentary followed by a 14 disc super deluxe box set of the Rolling Thunder Revue that should have maybe been a Bootleg Series followed by a much smaller Bootleg Series that was actually a Bootleg Series.
2019: Yes. Yet that's only a tiny part of it. Here, let me turn around, and show you the rest, my son.
2020: GOOD GRAVY!! It's HUGE! No being should have to carry that load!!! Oh, what have they done to you, you poor, tired old year?!?!?!? It's...it's...IT'S!
2019: All of the massive and expensive vinyl box sets with 1-4 early David Bowie demos released in 2019.
2020: IT'S HIDEOUS, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Happy New Year!
We here at Bowie vs. Dylan would like to celebrate the arrival of 2020 with a completely relevant and forward-thinking conversation about the distant past, in this case 45 years past, related to the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1975. This makes perfect sense to we here, and we here hope that it makes sense to you, too, dear listeners, because if you expected a year-end/year-beginning wrap-up/dress-down, you'll be sorely mistaken. We here know that you there expect the latest-developing and hardest-hitting news from the respective camps of our latest musicians, and we know you expect it NOW. But you there will just have to wait 2 weeks, until the 15th of January, 2020, just as the good Lord intended when He proclaimed that the format for our podcast would be thus, on the 10th Day I think it was (?), and so take it up with Him and slog it out with the 1975 podcast instead.
It's actually quite the battle on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Jake: Well, time to record a new podcast for all of our fans, focusing exclusively on David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1984.
Chaz: I guess? We did just make a whole boatload of money doing nothing but singing last episode while Niles Rodgers did literally everything but sing. Should we run it back and keep doing nothing and stack some cash stacks?
Jake: Now you're talking! And I've got just the guy to help us out. Get this, his name is Mick.
Chaz: Ronson?
Jake: We wish.
Chaz: Rock?
Jake: Not quite.
Chaz: Woodsmonsonson?
Jake: You mean Mick? But no.
Chaz: Jagger?
Jake: Anything but that.
Chaz: I'm stumped. Even though there's 7,280 Micks left to guess from British rock bands of the 60's and 70's.
Jake: Taylor, it's Mick Taylor! From the Rolling Stones? Here, let me tell his-
Mick Taylor: (interrupting with a tasty but inappropriately ripping guitar solo, on this 1984 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan)
Bowie vs. Dylan CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE #42
Page 1: David Bowie and Bob Dylan embark on a grand tour of the year 2008. Choose which approach, euphemistically speaking, that they take to find out what happens next; try and imagine what both entirely different artists would feel during this year collectively, that is, as a combined force although they barely ever met and didn't know one another at all. A.) A pensive yet flippant attitude of worthwhile nothingness and paternal obligations (page 38) B.) Hopeful yet immediately regretful of some vague notion of change (page 65) C.) Combing one's hair in that classic style (page 101) D.) Neverendingly touring (page 3,072).
FLIP TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!
Page 38: Both artists, together, perhaps arm in arm, wander near a tiger pit and accidentally fall in. Both die. Begin at page 1.
Page 65: Bowie approaches an evil mastermind in his technologically advanced lair, smiling all the while as a show of good faith towards the villain, while Dylan covers him using an antique hunting rifle. Both die. Begin at page 1.
Page 101: Dylan climbs a beautiful, tall mountain against the violent urging of a strangely paranoid Bowie, who is responding to some unseen but surely felt intuition brought to him seemingly on the wind. Regardless, Bowie follows Dylan to the peak out of a sense of duty and human decency, and sure e-frickin-nough, that mountain was a volcano and it erupts. Both die. Begin at page 1.
Page 3,072: Bowie has a nice time at home while Dylan tours the world and releases a pretty sweet Bootleg Series. Both die, but not in the year 2008, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Scene: Inside the gameplay of a state-of-the-art, immersive virtual reality experience available on 7 CD-ROMs, particularly the 4th CD in the series of 7.
Bob Dylan: Hey fans. Come along on an epic virtual journey with me, Bob Dylan, by watching this grainy, pixelated music video from 1986, available to view when you enter the door of 1961-era Cafe Wha?
David Bowie: NOT DARK ENOUGH, man. Where, for example, are the gutted pigs, the shaved heads, the too-long trench coats, over-saturated color pallet?
Bob Dylan: What? Are those words that you just said? I can only assume that it has something to do with this archival photo of me, Bob Dylan, at Columbia Records Studios circa 1962 waiting for you in a dirty bathroom in Greenwich Village?
David Bowie: OOOOOOH, that does sound goth. Goth is really in right now, says my best friend Trent Reznor. Trent, come on over and play this game with me, it's really goth, man, really goth.
Trent Reznor: You know, I would? But I've got a date with Marilyn Manson to hang each other by giant hooks in a rotting meat locker by our belly buttons. So...
Bob Dylan: How does that work? Who goes first? How does the second person get hung when the first one is already up there?
David Bowie: Really goth, man, really goth. I'd rather do that than bow to the establishment like a bloody sheeple wallowing in society's constraints. I'm not playing my hits, so DON'T EVEN ASK!
Bob Dylan: I'm playing my hits...
David Bowie: Erm, well, me too, but not until 2000 or so, but until then, DON'T EVEN ASK.
Trent Reznor: In order to continue, please change to disc #5, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
We here at Bowie vs. Dylan want to present to you a VERY special episode wherein Chaz and Jake rank the Top Ten Era/Phases/Whims/Career Choices of David Bowie's and Bob Dylan's career, and you're welcome to listen to it, because it's a TOP TEN LIST, and we believe it to be of similar quality to all the other podcasts that came before.
But we must warn you, the podcast is turning 40 today, and even though over the last two centuries the life expectancy of podcasts has literally doubled, and there is ample revolutionary medicine and surgeries available that podcasts of the past could not have even imagined, and 40 is the new 27.5, statistically, and at least as far as podcasts are concerned, I mean, have you seen that Bowie vs. Dylan lately? What a listener.
Anyway, but since the podcast is turning 40 today, we have to warn you that it's OVER THE HILL. And that suddenly there's too many candles and not enough birthday cake. And that it knows that it's 40 because the only weight-lifting it does is from standing up. And that it's twice as sexy as two 20-year olds. And that it's NOT 40, but actually 39.95 plus shipping and handling. And that it will enjoy it's first colonoscopy. And that it's not 40, but actually 18 with 22 years of experience.
40!!! It's all downhill from here!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, these jokes never get old like a 40-year old, on this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
This podcast about Bowie and Dylan in the year 2017 is presented to you, dear listeners, as a triple album, each LP containing clearly defined themes that feed one to another, and then back again from the end of LP #3 to the start of LP #1, so that you'll be stuck in an endless feedback loop of listening to this specific podcast for the rest of eternity.
Wherein: Bowie is again a Cracked Actor, Dylan is again Born Again Again; Bowie returns to the early 70's; Dylan returns again to the 1940's and 50's again, and once again, and then again again, and then again once more for good measure.
Here's a sneak preview of each podcast LP's incredibly varied and easily identifiable and classifiable themes, just in case you want to know what you're getting into as you prepare to listen to this podcast and nothing else for the rest of your life:
LP #1: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.
LP #2: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.
LP #3: authentically smooth, mid-tempo, jazzy, non-improvised croony-tunes that Frank Sinatra may or may not have sang at some point.
A real humdinger, folks, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Bowie plays it cool and wavy in Berlin (but not really Berlin) while Dylan gets hot under the collar for Jesus in the year of Dylan's lord 1979. There's obviously a lot to unpack in this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan, but the question on everyone's lips in this: Why DOES Jake has a slight but pronounced issue with Brian Eno?
Well, not to ruin the surprise, such as it is, but it's really just a feeling with no concrete evidence whatsoever beyond a solid and uncompromising body of work. I mean, Jake really should like him just fine, and I guess he does, but he doesn't totally, he told me so, in a confidence that I am now gratuitously breaking. And spoiler alert, Eno is Chaz's #2 all-time musician overall?! What? Now Jake has told me he's upset again, after cooling off considerably since they recorded the podcast, and he tells me to tell Chaz that he's not speaking to him until they both take a few weeks to think it over and make sense of this mess.
How does that make you feel, Chaz, of this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan?
Sad Middle Aged Man #1: Calling out around the world!
Sad Middle Aged Man #3: Are you ready to suck at Live Aid?!
Sad Middle Aged Man #2: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BLAH BLAH!
All Sad Middle Aged Men: For dancing in the street!!
Sad Middle Aged Man #1: They’re dancing in LONDON!
Backup Sad Middle Aged Mens #2 and #3: Sucking at Live Aid…
Sad Middle Aged Man #2: They’re dancing in PHILLY!
Backup Sad Middle Aged Mens #1 and #3: Sucking at Live Aid…
Sad Middle Aged Men #3: They’re dancing in wherever the hell I am, I can’t really tell, Ronnie Wood is here? New York, maybe, does Keith Richards know where we are, whoa, he doesn’t know where anybody is, I think I’d bet-
All Sad Middle Aged Men everywhere: All we hear is music! Sweet music! There’ll be music EVERYWHERE, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!
We here at Bowie vs. Dylan like to keep it light, you know, with delightfully frivolous lamentations such as the following: What really ISa choice anyway? Does it needto be more than one? Is one sufficient to make a choice? If there's only one option, but one chooses not to choose it, and instead chooses no choice, is there an inherent binary anyway? And if so, is there any such logical thing as nochoice? Why does Bowie like his hair to look like the halcyon bygone days of Jon Bon Jovi in 2005? What exactly are the criteria of the so-called "Dave-cation?" Why does Dylan tour with his old buddies/frenemies so often while on no sort of vacation? Why did he give cryptic but strangely revealing interviews in 2001 only to disavow a project based on them helmed by none other than Martin Scorsese in 2005? What exactly is the difference between PBS and the BBC anyway, I mean really, like, spiritually? Why does Chaz smell so bad? What is the nature of life, but moreover, living?
Hey, no big deal, we're just spitballing here, on this 2005 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Welcome to the 1st Annual BvD Obie Awards, an unnecessary and confusing side entry award appendage to the Actual Obie Awards! Presented posthumously, back-dated 20 years to 1999. Our presenting sponsor is nobody.
Best Adult Contemporary Album Sandwiched In Between Two Industrial-Lite Albums in the Year of Our Lord 1999, Award: David Bowie
Best Attempt at Killing Oneself Through Never-Ending Never-Ending Tours in the Year of Our Lord 1999,Award:Bob Dylan
Best Line Reading of a Lost Crappy-Cheap Crime Movie Trailer Featuring Iffy New Jersey Gangster Accents, Nomination: Jake, Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast
Best Early 70's BBC Announcer Accent For the Duration of a Strange 1966 Bob Dylan Interview Featuring Not-A-BBC-Announcer Interviewer, Nomination:Chaz, Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast
Best New Original Podcast Featuring Two Brothers Discussing David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan, Nomination: Bowie vs. Dylan
Best New Original Podcast Featuring Two Brothers Discussing David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan, Award: Vacant, No Suitable Candidates
Best Listener Experience Of All Time, Not Just in the Year of Our Lord 1999, But Forever; Hey, Send Us an Email Why Don't You,Award: You, our dear listeners, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
We here at Bowie vs. Dylan want you to stop us if you've heard this one before: Two well-meaning podcasters record a perfectly okay episode involving the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1972. They drink a beer with one hand, pat themselves on the back with the other, and call it a day.
Except: the digital file stored on the voice memos portion of a state-of-the-art iPod 4 becomes somehow corrupted and refuses to transfer to one of the well-meaning podcaster's computer hard drive. This podcaster furiously attempts to uncorrupt the ostensibly but allegedly corrupt file, which nonetheless proves itself literally corrupt and thereby unretrievable. The first podcaster hides the corruption from the second podcaster, who is prone to tantrums and various hissy fits, by attempting unethical bribes and outright witchcraft to avoid what becomes unavoidable, which is that the two podcasters must surmount all odds and just, you know, record it again.
It's a tale as old as time. Have you heard that one? You haven't. You haven't heard the first podcast. No one has, and no one ever will, until that fine day when the super-deluxe edition of Bowie vs. Dylan arrives in the year 2069. You'll have to settle for the second one for now, and hope that it provides you, dear listener, with the information that you crave about Bowie and Dylan in 1972, on this revised edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
We here at Bowie vs. Dylan bet you thought you could just skip past the storytelling parts of this special VH1 Storytellers podcast and get to, like, the music, man. Well, too bad for you, because VH1 Records (still a thing, sure) demanded that we list all of the tracks on this episode as containing both the story AND the telling, but also whatever song comes after. Lot of story, a lot of telling, precious little music is how they roll. Also, podcasts don't have much music in them, man. Podcasts are by their very nature a spoken word medium, because of the 1st amendment. Ever heard of it? And, music is extremely challenging to license for podcasts, especially ones with 40 listeners who are just dying to get shouted out on air for sending us emails at bowievsdylan@gmail.com. Finally, its expensive, dang, we here at Bowie vs. Dylan tried to call Bowie's and Dylan's management about using just a little taste of that sweet non-spoken word manna from heaven they call music, but-
SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA!
Just arrived in our hearts, got to go, enjoy this Christmas in July episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Setting: Newly minted Bowie tries to achieve early Bowie in England, while Bob Dylan is at the height of his Dylan-ness, also in England for part of the year, getting "Judas!!!" yelled at him by wankers.
Bowie answers an advert in the paper, whereby he pays good pounds to climb into a tiny door presented to him by a very young John Cusack. He inexplicably transforms into Bob Dylan's body and mind for 15 minutes, and then is deposited on the side of a freeway in New Castle. Whilst embodying Dylan, Bowie goes to dinner where everyone, including him, looks like the majestically frizzy Dylan of 1966.
Dylan #1: Blonde on Blonde?
Dylan #2: Blonde on Blonde.
Dylan #3: Blonde on Blonde? Blonde on Blonde? Blonde on Blonde!
Dylan #4: Blonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on Blonde.
All Dylans: Blonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on BlondeBlonde on Blonde.
Bowie (once deposited on the freeway): It will be mine...Oh yes, it will be mine. In 1972, or thereabouts.
Setting: Two men age-group 18-49, with so many more important things to do, nonetheless talking to each other and roughly 41 other souls about David Bowie and/or Bob Dylan. Their respective rooms are dark; their tone slight, but uniformly pensive.
Man #1: Bob Dylan's single from the year two thousand and fifteen is as follows: The-
Man #2: (interrupting jovially): Are we talking about David Bowie's history of musicals right now?
Man #1: The Night-
Man #2: (interrupting haphazardly): Because it's a rich, rich...rich historical text.
Man #1: The Night We-
Man #2 (interrupting wildly): Why, in 1968, of all year, Bowie was thinking of thinking of maybe writing and producing one.
Man #1: The Night We Called-
Man #2: (interrupting rather rudely): It's about a man with a very ordinary name who's ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY, you see.
Man #1: The Night We Called It-
Man #2: (interrupting as if it's now a joke that only he can truly appreciate): Ever heard of Ziggy Stardust, friend?
Man #1: The Night We Called It A-
Man #2: (interrupting just a little too righteously): Now picture it...as a musical.
Man #1: The Night We Called It A Day. The Night We Called It A Day. The Night We Called It A Day. The Night We Called It A Day. The Night We Called It A Day. The Night We Called It A Day!!!
Man #2: (interrupting solemnly and self-importantly): Why are you yelling?! Stop yelling at me. I was just thinking about how 2015 was Bowie's last year on the planet and he managed to produce some of his finest work. This seems important, and it's a little disrespectful for you to continue interrupting me while I try to communicate the sheer magni-
Man #1 and Man #2: (in unison): On this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!
Dear Listeners-
We here at Bowie vs. Dylan know that it's generally uncouth to share such an emotional outpouring, especially since we haven't had anything to drink this morning (yet), but hey, what the heck? The internet is such a rotten place sometimes, and we'd like to change that in whatever small way that we can actually control, so here goes:
WE REALLY APPRECIATE YOU.
So much so, in fact, that we'd like to ask your forgiveness in advance for the 1 hour and 45 minutes that you're about to be subjected to of pure podcast petulance. Because although David Bowie and Bob Dylan were and are generally congenial fellows with many friends, acquaintances, and collaborators (see Episode 10 of this podcast), they also each had their share of frenemies, enemies, and rivalries, all of which are covered in exhaustive and exhausting detail, by real-life brothers (and #1 For Realz Rivalz For Life) Chaz and Jake. Warning: It's a petty, salacious, violent, uncaring, contentious, and downright mean episode, just like Chaz and Jake's realz-life relationship, on this episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Chaz and Jake sift through the mild emotional wreckage that was the year 1996 for tasty goss on their muses both dead and alive. Spoiler alert: there's not much to say, except that the brothers somehow spew an unhealthy 75 minutes of morning drive-time jock-talk with what amounts to practically nothing. We leave it to you, dear listeners, to decide if that's any different at all than their other podcasts.
Here's Bowie's year: He's at least lookin good, I guess?
Let me just check my notes on Dylan one more time, there's got to be something here...wait, how did we miss this?! Says here that a handsome man with the surname Dylan fronted an inexplicably popular alternative rock band with several top ten hits with an album that sold 4 million copies and won a bunch of Grammy's! Bob Dylan was in a band called the Wallflowers?! That wasn't in my narrative at all! You'd think I'd have caught it, but boy, does this change everything, we're gonna have to go back and re-do the points, Chaz is NOT going to be pleased at this development. Another win for Dylan, baby, on this award-winning (our own awards, sure, but still sanctioned in 2 states) edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Charlie and Jake beckon you to join them in their 1970-era drug and sex-fueled arts commune that's really just a dilapidated house with some stairs that you can sleep on/under. Why, you ask? Well, we want you to express yourself, of course, through mimery and "joke" albums that debut at #4 on the Billboard charts. We want you to try your novelty singles in Italian, and to put out a "real" album 4 months later only to see it debut at #7. We'd really think it was neat if you released some HEAVY music, man, but also to sing of the simple pleasures the country life can bring after you move back to NYC to be accosted by jackasses with megaphones. All of this is encouraged in our awful condemnable house!
But really, it's all about us making a space spiritually and physically fit for you to bring a child into the world in it. Seriously, have a baby and try and raise it through infancy in the house. It'll be a good idea! He or she can sleep under Stair #8, it's surprisingly roomy.
I hate to do this to you now that you've agreed to stay on as a valued member of our lovely little clan, but it's just, you know, I have to ask...does the baby have some rent money to contribute? Disgusting arts communes don't run themselves, you know, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Grizzled musical veterans Chaz and Jake return to relevance discussing Bowie and/or Dylan (fresh off their BvD Awards for Worst Years Ever) in the "monumental" year of 2012. Bowie does almost nothing besides play "Heroes" a couple times each for every single world event, but nevertheless transfigures his manic energy to Charlie, who can't stop interrupting and saying all the things that Jake was about to say before he says them. Dylan tries to terrify Jake with the possibility that he's already released the comeback old man mortality record that was promised, but Jake is too busy trying to figure out how to be juuuuust the right amount of interested in Dylan's career to be the kind of fan whom Dylan doesn't want to go straight to f***ing hell.
So go ahead and feed this entire podcast into Google Translate (say, Egyptian?), then feed it back through to English to enjoy an experience that might just make more sense than the actual thing on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Hey there. Are you through with Tin Machine for a year? Are you distracted from writing decent songs by your exhausting but highly fortuitous involvement in a better-than-decent supergroup? Did you remix one of your songs so many times that the remixes turned back into the original song somehow? Did you fire G.E. Smith for no good reason? Do you need some good old-fashioned cash stacks and the only way you can think to stack cash is to "retire" your classic material on a massive tour? Did Don and Jon and Bon and Juan Wan hire Slash to provide some disappointing licks for your disappointing album? You mean you haven't had enough of Jake and Charlie's nuclear and extended family blabbering on about maybe the subject we asked them about?
THEN BOY DO WE HAVE ANOTHER TREAT FOR YOU.
Because it's Dylan's turn to steer the Nadir-O-Rater into the yawning abyss of 1990. Hang on tight, because it's a mildly boring ride ripe with self-parody on this VERY special Part 2-ish Diamond Jubilee/Tarnished Tin episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
If you've ever felt ironically let down by Never Let Me Down, or have felt the very fire extinguished from your chest by Hearts of Fire, or have wondered just how low David Bowie could sink, reputationally but more importantly point-wise in the year 1987, and whether Dylan could actually be worse in that year (good thing he didn't put out an album, or it might have been close), or what a glass spider might look like, or how long Dylan's earrings extend down his shoulders, but also have longed to know what various members of Charlie and Jake's nuclear and extended family sound like in small snippets talking about music that no one should be subjected to whilst various babies and other small children prattle on in the Christmas-inspired backdrop of suburban Minnesota, then BOY DO WE HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU.
It's part 1 of the self-described-in-a-later-episode "Diamond Jubilee", that's really just Fool's Gold or Tarnished Tin, in this very special episode of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Join the Crackpot Corner that is Charlie and Jakes' conversation for a close look into Bowie and Dylan in the year 2001. Charlie's talking points are long and lustrous, but devoid of officially released albums and curiously beholden to odd collaborations with rappers. Jake's are certainly thick and wiry, but hidden under a Stetson hat, under which may be revealed a classic album and an exhaustive touring schedule.
OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?
It's not! But tune on in anyway, because someone won an Oscar; someone played a child's keyboard; someone finds their biggest fans distasteful; someone judged a fake fashion show with very real consequences; and someone broke someone else's will to answer any more multiple choice questions with multiple multiple choice questions, on this golden birthday edition (November 19th) of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Quick multiple choice question for you all: Which wildly non-sequiturous tangent do Chaz and Jake NOT go on at some point in this podcast which purports to report on the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year of all years 1981?
a. Two words: Robert Van Winkle, y'all.
b. The artistic merits of the 4th Batman movie, or was it the 3rd? The truly sucky one, not the one that just mostly sucks, you know, with Bat Crotches and stuff.
c. Copyright infringement law as explained to middle-schoolers.
d. Whether Dylan fell off and/or boarded his 80's Caribbean yacht and/or schooner.
e. Whether Bowie used makeup to play the Elephant Man or if his face just looked that way.
f. Whether Charlie should seek medical attention for his smell or if he's just as God made him.
Just remember as you attempt to answer correctly and thereby win this game and thereby the door prize which consists of a number of free podcasts: you must answer in the form of an answer; there's actually more than one made-up choice; some are false based on the question but only because they're technically not non-sequiturs, but only because they technically have something do with anything; and there's no right answer and everyone's a loser on this not-as-bad-as-you-think-early-80's edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Jake seems to sound the same while discussing Bob Dylan in the year of all years 1974, but Charlie sounds...different somehow, while discussing David Bowie. It's not the content necessarily, it's still a buzzsaw of singles, classic 70's records, and questionable (NSFW?) album art. And it's not his tone, which continues to be cheeky, sarcastic, vaguely mean, and unnecessarily triumphant. It's more, I don't know, his timbre? Less scratchy? Clearer somehow? More personable? Still whiny and nasally, sure, but you can hear the words better. I think. But I'm not sure why! Maybe you, dear listeners, can figure it out, as you fire up the old podcast listening machine, share an in-person brotherly or sisterly hug with the ones you love, hoover up some cocaine and/or infidelity with CBS executives, and try not to cringe during the "members" portion (you'll know it when you hear it) on this very special shuckster/guru-filled episode of Bowie vs. Dylan!
Bowie's not with us anymore, but that doesn't stop him from attempting to stampede a very much alive Dylan (editor's note: "very much" is a little strong here) in the juuuuuustpassed year of our Lord 2018. You see, his record label is deathless and is intent on shoving reissues, 4th remasters of "legendary" concerts from 1978, and "greatest shows on earth in the year 2000 at Glastonbury on the night Bowie played it" at an alarming clip. And well, Dylan might not be able to keep up because his record label is deathless and is doing the exact same thing even though Bob lives (we're pretty sure he toured 9 months of the year...anyone?), but just to a slightly lesser extent given his afore-mentioned livingness.
So it's a thinly veiled battle for artistic supremacy that's actually a vehicle for childish emotional outbursts and barely masked sarcastic comments that occasionally hit too close to home. Happy New Year from Chaz and Jake on a very special episode of Bowie vs. Dylan that's just like all the others!
David Bowie and Bob Dylan duke it out via the preferences and tastes of Chaz and Jake as the artists' "best" "covers" are counted down 10 to 1 in the second battle royale of the life of this podcast. Let's just say there are some discrepancies, derelictions, depravities, demonizations, despots, dilettantes, Davids, Dylans, and Count Smokulas. Can the boys actually make it to the end? Can you? Will they succumb to mid-pod rule changes and arguments, or soldier on to give the audience what they want and frankly expect, which is the final and decisive objectification of a purely subjective realm. Celebrate! For Bowie vs. Dylan turns 20 today, lo, the first day of 2019! Episodes. Bowie vs. Dylan turns 20 episodes, not years. Just want to make that clear. You should still celebrate, though, for sure. Go crazy.
Take a trip back in time with Chaz and Jake to rehash the beginnings of Bowie and the middles of Dylan as they navigate the mid-late-60's in the aplombic fashion that only they themselves can muster. Dream, dear listeners, of a simpler time when rock albums came out every 6 months and you were a failure for daring to take a longer break than thus, when wild frizzy hair grew without a thought on the heads of men both Napoleonic and Goliathic, and when cryptic all-telling images helpfully appeared at the tops of trees on comeback folk rock albums. And of course, dare to inhale the sweetest vapor of them all, the Rosetta stone that defines both Bowie and Dylan and once and for all reveals the reasons for not only their intertwining existence and their apparent counter-magnetic repulsion, but also the lingua franca of the mysteries of the musical univ...you know what, go ahead, go ahead and do it, stop listening and go dial up "The Laughing Gnome", you know you want to. You just had to hear for yourselves, didn't you? We'll wait. There, are you happy now? Well, are you? I bet you're not. It seemed like a fun idea until about halfway through, right? And now you're strangely soured on both Bowie AND Dylan somehow. Great, have fun listening to the rest of this 1967 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
And when you're all done, take a spin of our custom 1967 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP19. You GNOME you want to! Hehehehehehehe!!! Oh, dang. Even Bowie wouldn't have used that one.
Setting: a split-screen of two grown men who have way better things to do, recording a podcast that 21 people may or may not listen to at some point, depending on whether the audience thinks the year in question is worth checking out or not.
Cool Young White Male #1: Say! Have you heard about the year 2007?
Cool Young White Male #2: Yes. YES. YES!!! No?
Cool Young White Male #1: Society is crumbling brick by brick, and the only form of entertainment in this little dusty old town are quasi-biographical portraits of musicians' lives told by scattered avatars spread across time and space and geographical locations.
Cool Young White Male #2: Of which town do you refer? Because I'M NOT THERE.
Cool Young White Male #1: Ronson! Ronson? RONSON?!
Cool Young White Male #2: Of which Ronno do you refer? Because MICK.
Cool Young White Male #1: D-A-V-I-D! D-A-V-I-D!
Cool Young White Male #2: (strange hooting noises at varying volumes and timbres)
Fade to black on this community-theater grade edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
Sure, the box office volunteer is flickering the lights and asking you to leave, but also check out our custom 2007 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP18.
Hop out of the fire and right into the frying pan to join the meaty goodness of this week's podcasting Bouillabaisse, where the ingredients vary in quality but have all been somehow approved by the FDA for consumption by your ears. There's potatoes from a 1963 European trip (still fresh!); leftover mash from a second re-heating of Tin Machine (not as fresh!); a bland but nutritious casserole from Dylan (palatable!); and a redeeming, delicious seasoning of Mick Ronson, whose licks are so tasty they overpower the otherwise rotten nature of the stew. Who's ready for a second alimony tour, huh? Huh? Anyone? All those in favor: use your wallets, half-heartedly attend your own 30th anniversary tribute show at Madison Square Garden, and adopt your worst best Frank Sinatra accent while you lustily and full-throatedly growl, "OY VEY, BABY!" on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
And for dessert, there's more of the same in the form of this episode's custom Spotify playlist, available at bit.ly/BvD-EP17. And please, for goodness' sake, use a napkin.
All aboard the Too-Little-Too-Later-Nadir-O-Rater! The year in question is 1986, and the only question seems to be just how low the boys can sink. But also just how long the official tour name ends up. Because presenting one podcast, tonight only, it's live in concert, banging those gated machine gun drums, as well as various shiny synths, it's: Charlie and Jake and David Bowie and Bob Dylan and Tom Petty and Dave Stewart and Iggy Pop and Tina Turner and Some Muppets and Los Lobos and Michael Mann and Annie Lennox and Mick Jagger and The Heartbreakers AND the Queens of Rhythm! Or CJDBBDTPDSIPTTSMLLMMALMJTHQR for short, boy that really rolls off the tongue, iconic tour name. There are a full THREE Years in Hair to comb through (get it?), but it's hell time, man, and if I keep on going this way, it'll just sound like Blah, Blah, Blah.
After you're done 86'ing your boredom with this podcast, assault your poor ears with our 1986 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP16!
And..the Grammy Award for...Original Duo Podcast Male Brothers Almost Non-Singing Pun-Filled Segmented Lightly Argumentative Enthusiastic Portrayal of Specific Year (2002) Amateur Until Someone Sponsors It Performance goes to...oh, I can't believe this finally happened for them, this is a real treat...BOWIE VS DYLAN EPISODE 15!!!
Chaz: (panting) First of all, I'd like to thank David Bowie, for making a decent record in 2002 with a sort-of iconic album cover, and for providing a classy Year In Hair, and for losing to Lenny Kravitz all those years so that his unquenchable inferno of desire for victory could be passed on to me, Chaz. This one's for you, Davey Jones!!
Jake: (with pursed lips) Are you sure you don't want to thank anyone else?
Chaz: (thinking face) ...Nope, that covers it. Oh wait, right, Mick Ronno Ronson?
Jake: (crying) Sometimes the thing you're looking for was right in front of you all along.
Chaz: (getting played off the stage by sudden orchestral music) Mom? Mike? My wife? My kids? Charlie Sexton? Iman? Bowie again? I'm not sure what you're getting at.
Hang backstage at the Grammys with Bowie and Dylan tunes blaring in the background at bit.ly/BvD-EP15
Chaz and Jake embark on an alimony tour while discussing the norm-core Bowie and the vaguely Elvis-esque Dylan in 1978, brought on by their acrimonious divorce over irreconcilable differences caused by their perception of how long the podcast is running. While they certainly agree that Mick Ronson is a saint who deserves a Mick Renaissance, and that Bowie's ambient live show opener sounds like a good idea, they absolutely cannot reconcile with the scoring of the Nadir-O-Rater, or what media mediums should get points or not, or who or when someone should get "JUDAS!!!" shouted at them for no reason, and let's be honest, Jake's job performance suffers a little as a result. These situations have a tendency to nibble at your edges, even when you don't intend them to, you know? Especially when this is your first time hearing his voice since the split, even though the split occurred during this very podcast. It's one part live concert performance, one part social commentary, and 9 parts semi-fictional dramatic vignettes on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
And when you're done disco dancing, dry clean your schmaltzy white leisure suit and check out an extra 70's Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP14!
The renowned, multiple Obie-award winning off-off-off-off-off-off-Broadway show returns for a very special one-podcast episode devoted to the year 2010, but also 1959-1963, and 1962-1968, but also 1976 and 2003, and there's some talk about 1983 and 2013 for some reason. Elastic-voiced and androgynous hosts Chaz and Jake present to you in 3 surround-sound versions the epic goings-on of Bowie and Dylan as they do almost nothing at all in 2010, except maybe be stay at home Dads and get straight burnt by Joni Mitchell. Jake compensates by introducing a new, wildly pun-filled segment you'll just have to listen to for the final name of. And Chaz over-compensates by releasing a super-deluxe edition of his portion with no new material, but hey, ogle this, it's some swag. Put down your Greek newspaper, settle in, and order your Jeeves to push play on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.
When he's done hand-washing your sock garters, also have Jeeves key up our customized 2010 Spotify playlist, available at bit.ly/BvD-EP13.
It's a "Secret Origins" Episode of Jones vs. Zimmerman, so don't tell anyone, it's a secret...unless...you want to recommend it to literally everyone you know across all social and media platforms so we can pump our SEO to the MAX ahead of our IPO. But maybe only share the part that's not a secret, which are the travails in 1964 for David Jones (still not Bowie) and Bob Dylan (continuing to be Dylan). Dylan releases ONLY two stone-cold classic albums and plays the New York Philharmonic, while Jones sifts through his 10-12 active bands for the magic hit-making ingredients that would ultimately yield his first released single, a monumental, towering, explosive, earth-shattering run of the mill English-by-way-of-American R&B tune. We here at Bowie vs. Dylan don't typically share the results of the hotly debated points breakdown, but, I mean, I think it's pretty obvious in this case who won...it's Jones in a landslide.
And of course, if you're into this kind of thing, give a listen to our custom 1964 playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP12.
It's the first (and last?) edition of Bowie vs. Gump as Charlie and Jake explore the early teenage wasteland that is 1994. Jake buys his first CD player (and subsequent CDs), which quickly leads him down the long, strange, mystical trip that some of us call "ROCK N' ROLL" and others of us call "slightly edgier but ultimately mostly just his parents' music collection". Still, some of the "32 American Classics on 2 CDs" that comprise the seminal Forrest Gump Soundtrackhappen to involve Bob Dylan, which if you think about it, pretty much means that sweet Forrest is responsible for this podcast, along with all the other major events of recent American history, I'm just saying is all. Meanwhile, Chaz wanders down some virtual hallways, looking for what he doesn't know yet, but wait what's behind this door, a pixelated music video by David Bowie?! YEEEEESSS, that's what he's talking about! Was "BOOYAH" a thing in 1994? You, dear listener, can "JUMP" at the chance to discover the historic ending to this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan, right after you insert CD-ROM disc 5, and wait patiently for it to load!
RUN, LISTENER, RUN!!! On over to Spotify to check out this week's playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP11
Charlie collaborates with Jake, and Jake collaborates with Charlie to share the various luminary celebrity and/or musician collaborators that Bowie collaborated with AND the ones that Dylan collaborated with on this very special collaboratory "Collaborations" 10th episode of Bowie vs. Dylan. Unusually, no points are assessed, but just as unusually, much is revealed, such as the names and backstories of said collaborators in an alternating, list-style format that would have surely built anticipation for the #1 spot, if the brothers hadn't over-shared the bottom half of the list and rushed through the top half. Guess who raps! Guess who launched the career of every single important rock artist of the 20th century besides Bob Dylan! Guess who smooched who, and wonder what a "plumcrusher" is! Tune in for all of this and way, way more on Bowie vs. Dylan's longest podcast ever.
In honor of an extra long podcast, take in an extra long Spotify playlist when you're all done, available at bit.ly/BvD-EP10.
Jake and Charlie return from a 10-year absence to discuss Bowie and Dylan in the year 2013. Chaz is so enveloped in mystery, in fact, that he doesn't give one interview or one concert for the entirety of the podcast, while Jake paints yet AnotherSelf-Portrait. Bowie has so many videos and singles for Chaz to discuss that Jake heads out on a never-ending tour and comes back The Next Day to find out the score. Dear listener, you too can self-mythologize and act like you're listening on this mostly gate-filled edition of Bowie Vs. Dylan!
And when you're done, give yourself a 2013-filled listening experience with this episode's custom Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP09.
Picture yourself in the the year of magic and wonder that was 1971: Dylan has enough greatest hits to warrant a Vol. II, while Bowie furthers the process of one day warranting his own Vol. I with the release of Hunky Dory.Chaz, Jake, Mick, Woody, AJ, Leon, George, Alan, and the rest of the androgynous cast and crew pull on their pantsuits and shout to the heavens the anthemic battle cry that defines the times: "FREE BOB DYLAN!!!" And when asked to clarify, some of them shout as loudly, and others mumble a little, and some are finally embarrassed and don't say anything, but still it rings out: "FROM HIMSELF?!" Questionable accents and multiple multiple choice questions abound; Dylan has won the last couple of episodes on points, will Bowie and 1971 bring Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes?You know the drill. After the podcast, check out the music playlist. On Spotify. Right here: bit.ly/BvD-EP08.
Jake and Charlie try very hard not to be a-holes with b-holes for brains in this hard PG/soft PG-13 episode of Bowie vs. Dylan, but can't make any promises as they take a ride on the Nadir-O-Rater in the year 1989. Bowie heads back to high school to start a socially-conscious rock band with his mates, while Dylan lets Daniel Lanois turn his late 80's song output into something actually listenable. Dylan and the Dead somehow further tarnishes Bob in his worst decade; and nothing compares to the grand tradition of scintillating creativity quite like the song Tin Machineon the album Tin Machineby the band Tin Machine,written by all 4 equal members of...Tin Machine.Will Bowie's communal contraption pump out points, or will Dylan have him saying, "Oh Mercy"?
Don't forget to take a little taste of the year's songs with our 1989 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP07.
It's a podcast of contrasting moods, as Charlie and Jake's conversation surrounding Bowie and Dylan in 2004 alternates between somber/bittersweet and zesty/nugget-filled. Dylan releases his "autobiography" Chronicles Vol. 1, which is met with great fanfare by other writers whose own work they recognize. Look for Volumes 2 and 3 coming to a store near you, never! Bowie continues his biggest tour ever, replete with Bon Jovi Comeback Hair (patent pending), healthy, well-nurtured skin, rippling abs, heaping helpings of cool dad confidence, and maybe a tasteful mash-up along the way. Will Dylan succumb to the Plagiarist Police? Will Bowie have a scary health scare that inadvertently restores his mystery? WHO WINS THE POINTS? Only the Chief Commander knows on this edition of Bowie Vs. Dylan.
And as always, don't forget this episode's custom Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP06.
Charlie and Jake are still standing in the wind, but they neverwave bye-bye as they examine Bowie and Dylan in 1983. Chaz makes absolutely sure to enunciate Bowie's massively successful year by doing all the cocaine that Bowie apparently gave up in '83, and drives his verbal yacht at impressive and dangerous speeds for the duration of the podcast. While DANCING. Jake has trouble scoring Dylan's "non-religious" record Infidels, but asks Bowie, Elvis Costello, Frank Zappa, Ric Ocasek, and finally Mark Knopfler to produce the podcast, and the results are slick, desperate, critically acclaimed, and woefully dated. Chaz ultimately thinks the whole thing would have been much better if Jake had decided to keep the very best 5 minute section of the podcast instead of inexpicably jettisoning it in direct conflict with literally everyone who heard it. PLUS: TWO years in Bowie's hair, and WE HAVE A MICK!!! Say, what's a sweet podcast audience like yoooooouuu, doing in a dump like this?
But wait! There's also a custom Spotify playlist for when you're done savoring 1983 and hungry for more. Listen at bit.ly/BvD-EP05.
Jake struggles to impart the weight of history as Dylan has his most monumental and important year since 1975 with the release of his universally acclaimed studio album "Time Out of Mind". Marvel at how Charlie manages to hijack Bob's victory lap by giving credence (and more alarmingly, POINTS) to Bowie's endless stream of singles from that same year. The brothers bicker like it's actually 1997, but nonetheless share a special moment when identifying the components of late 90's industrial techno music videos. The completely arbitrary points are shockingly close; who will win, by how much, and at what personal cost?
When you're done with the podcast, check out our Spotify playlist for 1997 at bit.ly/BvD-EP04.
Jake and Charlie discuss Dylan crooning his way through the 27 minute magnum opus Nashville Skyline, while Bowie releases his minor novelty single, "Space Oddity", and spends the remainder of his secondself-titled album trying to imitate a Bob that Bob himself had already moved past. Bowie mimes his way onto the scene while Bob gets busy making the one truly great creative contribution that he ever managed to muster: the conception and virgin birth of his 5th child and pop music's truest heir, Jakob Dylan of the still wildly relevant band, The Wallflowers, playing a casino near you.
ALSO: We can't bring you to 1969 so instead we're bringing 1969 to you. When you're done with the podcast, check out our BOWIE VS. DYLAN 1969 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP03.
Charlie and Jake make their first statistically relevant episode, adding up points to determine artistic dominance for the year 1976. Did dedicated Englishman Bowie know or care that it was America's bicentennial? Did Dylan? Bowie was the Thin White Duke and Dylan was just thin and white, and although both released great albums, only one came out on top for the year.
When you're done listening, check out the 1976 BOWIE VS. DYLAN playlist on Spotify at bit.ly/BvD-EP02.
In the inaugural episode of BOWIE VS DYLAN, real-life brothers (and 33% nemeses) Charlie and Jake attempt to introduce and explain their podcast. They also bore each other to tears trying to briefly detail their history and love of their respective favorite musical artists. Charlie likes Bowie; Jake looooves Dylan. Who will history deem the greatest of them all? Between only two choices, using a convulated and constantly-changing points system, and based purely on the opinion of grossly amatuer enthusiasts?
And speaking of enthusiasts, we made you a sweet playlist on Spotify to go with this episode! Check it out at bit.ly/BvD-EP01.