Pure Desire Podcast: Recent Episodes
Pure Desire Ministries
A weekly podcast helping you take back your life from the effects of unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma.
Good intentions aren’t always enough to overcome temptation, rebuild trust, or create lasting change. Without healthy boundaries, many people remain vulnerable to secrecy, compromise, and repeated patterns of hurt. In this episode, Brent Breining explains how guardrails are not about punishment, but protection: a reflection of God’s desire for freedom and healing. We explore how to identify personal “hot spots,” establish meaningful boundaries, and build rhythms of accountability, confession, and community. Whether pursuing recovery or healing after betrayal, this conversation offers practical hope for creating safety, trust, and lasting transformation.
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Secrecy and denial can quietly erode trust, intimacy, and connection in a marriage. But healing begins when what has been hidden is brought into the light with honesty, humility, and courage. In this episode, Tyler Chinchen explores what true repentance looks like beyond simply admitting wrongs. We discuss the difference between disclosure that harms and honesty that heals, the fruits of genuine change, and how couples can move toward safety and restoration. Through community, accountability, and God’s grace, this conversation offers hope for breaking free from denial and rebuilding what has been broken.
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Shame has a way of convincing us to hide, disconnect, and believe we are alone. Yet beneath every struggle is a deeper longing: to be fully known and loved.
In this episode, Dr. Curt Thompson explores how shame impacts our ability to connect, heal, and live fully through the lens of Scripture, neuroscience, and attachment theory. Together, we explore how God’s presence and the power of community restore what shame has fractured. This conversation invites us to move from hiding to being seen, known, and loved, and to discover how beauty and healing can emerge from broken places.
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Recovery can feel overwhelming when you’re trying to rebuild after addiction, betrayal, broken trust, or deep personal pain. But healing was never meant to happen alone.
In this Summit Roundtable, Nick Stumbo, Ashley Jameson, and Heather Kolb explore the heart behind Pure Desire Summit 2026: Rise & Rebuild, inspired by Nehemiah 2:18. They share how this theme reflects every healing journey and offer a preview of the hope, connection, and transformation waiting at Summit. Whether attending in person or online, discover how community can help you take the next step toward lasting healing and freedom.
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When trust is broken, the impact reaches far beyond the relationship; it can affect the mind, body, and soul. Many partners navigating betrayal trauma feel confused, overwhelmed, and unsure how healing is possible. In this episode, Michelle Mays joins us to unpack the betrayal bind and help us understand the unique wounds created by relational rupture. Together, we explore how attachment, safety, and connection shape the healing journey. With compassion and hope, Michelle offers a pathway toward rebuilding trust, restoring security, and finding healing after betrayal.
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In this episode, Dr. Sean McDowell unpacks why so many Christians feel stuck in compulsive sexual behaviors and how cultural messages often shape our understanding of sexuality more than Scripture. He explores common deceptions believers adopt about their bodies, identity, and desire, and why sexuality is often disconnected from faith. Together, we discuss how to reintegrate sexuality into a holistic, biblical worldview, highlighting key Scriptures that ground God’s design. Dr. Sean also offers practical ways to unlearn harmful beliefs, develop a thoughtful apologetic around sexuality, and engage others with truth and grace.
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In today’s episode, we welcome Alan Hlavka for his first appearance and invite him to share a bit of his story and heart for recovery. Together, we explore how spiritual disciplines can serve as a powerful safeguard against pornography use and compulsive sexual behaviors—and why they’re about far more than willpower or religious routine. Alan shares real-life examples of transformation rooted in spiritual practices and offers encouragement for those who struggle with consistency, structure, or discipline. We discuss practical, accessible first steps for beginners, the role of shared disciplines in strengthening marriages, and how to adjust when a practice doesn’t seem to be “working.” Listeners will learn how to cultivate disciplines that are life-giving, sustainable, and deeply supportive of long-term healing and recovery.
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In today’s episode, we explore how our sexual behaviors are shaped long before any crisis moment—and why engaging our personal story of sexual formation is essential for lasting freedom. Our guest, Sam Jolman, challenges the belief that desire is dangerous, revealing how shame, purity culture, and distorted messages about the body often fuel the very behaviors we’re trying to escape.
We unpack the difference between natural attraction and consuming lust, and how learning to receive arousal with kindness and curiosity can build a more resilient, “porn-proof” internal life. Rather than self-contempt or behavior management, this conversation invites listeners into radical kindness, identity-based healing, and a vision of sexuality marked by innocence, wonder, and worship.
Whether single or married, this episode offers a hopeful path toward wholeness beyond avoidance.
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In this episode, we dive into the connection between faith, identity, and sexuality, exploring why separating sex from our life in Christ can lead to confusion, brokenness, and misplaced identity. With guest, Joshua Broome, we discuss how today’s western culture often defines worth through sexual appeal, activity, and acceptance, while God offers a radically different vision rooted in dignity, covenant, and purpose.
You’ll hear why sexual objectification distorts how we see both ourselves and others, and how healing begins when our identity is firmly anchored in Christ instead of cultural approval. We also talk about the fear of “missing out” by following God’s design for sex, and why His boundaries actually lead to freedom, joy, and wholeness.
We unpack practical ways young men and women can build a porn-proof life, develop resilience against temptation, and pursue lasting sexual integrity in a world full of competing messages.
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In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we dive into the essential topic of emotional stability and its role in recovery, relationships, and personal growth. We explore how to assess whether we are managing our emotions or being managed by them, and why there are no inherently “good” or “bad” emotions.
Emotions are powerful indicators of deeper realities and can reveal patterns that lead to relapse if left unchecked. Our guest, Heather Kolb, shares practical strategies for slowing down, analyzing emotional triggers, and reshaping patterns connected to fear, anger, loneliness, or rejection.
We also discuss habits to cultivate emotional resilience, ways to support loved ones without taking responsibility for their feelings, and recommended resources for deepening emotional health. This episode equips listeners to engage their emotions with awareness, understanding, and stability.
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The Body Keeps The Score
Emotional Intelligence
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In today’s episode, we explore what it truly means to pursue a “porn-proof life” from a Christian perspective—beyond willpower, rules, or fear-based accountability. We discuss why many Christians turn to pornography or other compulsive behaviors in moments of pain, stress, or loneliness, and how these coping mechanisms distort God’s design for comfort, connection, and desire.
Our guests, Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, offer practical guidance for recognizing the root trauma or past pain driving these behaviors, as well as ways betrayed partners can understand how old wounds may be triggered. We explore healthy approaches to processing life’s inevitable pain, building resilience as individuals and couples, and strengthening intimacy through the Intimacy Pyramid—starting with honesty and safety—to navigate challenges and grow closer together in trust, healing, and authentic connection.
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In today’s episode, we dive into one of the most tender and complex challenges couples face after betrayal: rebuilding trust that lasts. Even when sobriety is sustained and growth is evident, many spouses still feel the hidden fear that the “other shoe” will eventually drop. Our guests, Tyler and Shari Chinchen, help us unpack why trust can remain fragile, what behaviors—often unintentional—can quietly undo months of healing, and how couples can avoid these subtle pitfalls. We’ll explore the markers of thriving couples who have restored trust over time and what practices consistently set them up for long-term stability. We also address two difficult but common experiences: when the recovering spouse feels they’ve rebuilt more than their partner recognizes, and when betrayal happens again after meaningful progress. Lastly, we discuss why trust must be rebuilt in every area of marriage, the role of group support, and what to do when trust gets stuck despite years of effort.
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On today’s episode, Nate and Maggie Blaylock share their expertise in helping couples navigate recovery, with a special focus on rebuilding physical intimacy after betrayal. They discuss common mistakes couples make in this area and provide examples of what can go wrong, as well as the traits of couples who successfully restore trust and connection in their sexual relationship.
The conversation explores how spouses can create a safe, supportive environment for renewed intimacy, communicate boundaries or discomfort effectively, and have constructive conversations about sex without shame or pressure. Nate and Maggie also address shifting expectations, acknowledging that physical intimacy may look different than before discovery, and offer guidance for couples who feel stuck even years into recovery.
Listeners will gain practical tools and encouragement for fostering openness, safety, and connection, with insights for cultivating a physical relationship that is not only healthy but potentially even richer than before betrayal.
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Carol Jurgensen Sheets joins us again to explore the vital role of empathy in healing relationships affected by addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. She begins by defining empathy and explaining why it’s essential for rebuilding trust and connection after discovery. Carol also discusses why many addicts struggle with empathy, often due to past modeling or coping patterns, and offers practical guidance for learning this skill even when it feels unfamiliar. We cover strategies for communicating needs as a spouse or family member, navigating situations where the recovering partner may struggle to respond empathetically, and maintaining empathy beyond recovery to enrich all relationships. Carol shares concrete steps listeners can take this week or month to practice and strengthen empathy, emphasizing that it’s a skill that can grow with intention, reflection, and accountability. The episode closes with encouragement for making empathy a consistent, transformative part of life and recovery.
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Dr. Janice Caudill joins us for her first podcast conversation to explore one of the most challenging aspects of recovery: disclosure. She begins by sharing her own background and approach, then walks listeners through what an ideal disclosure process looks like in healthy recovery.
Recognizing that most couples face partial, staggered, or even forced disclosures, Dr. Janice offers guidance for navigating fear, trauma, and missteps when the initial process doesn’t go perfectly. She discusses the importance of truthful communication during the gap between discovery and full disclosure, and how to balance a spouse’s desire for details with the need to avoid retraumatization. Listeners will learn how to maintain honesty in long-term recovery, extend transparency beyond addiction-related issues, and cultivate relational trust.
Dr. Janice also addresses situations where disclosure isn’t fully possible and offers practical advice for moving toward healing, openness, and integrity even in imperfect circumstances.
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In today’s episode, Jason and Shelley Martinkus join us for their first podcast conversation to share their insights on navigating the ongoing challenges of healing in relationships impacted by addiction. They discuss how betrayed spouses can communicate triggers effectively, and how recovering addicts can receive this feedback without defensiveness. The conversation addresses common frustrations, such as differing paces of healing, lingering trauma, and the temptation to pressure a spouse to “get over it,” offering practical strategies for patience, perspective, and mutual support. Jason and Shelley also explore how couples can handle unexpected triggers—from new life events to routine situations—and provide tools for repairing trauma together, even in later stages of recovery. Listeners will learn ways to encourage one-sided healing, nurture empathy, and maintain connection while respecting individual boundaries. You’ll gain actionable guidance for cultivating resilience, understanding, and relational growth throughout the long journey of recovery.
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In this powerful episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Linda MacDonald joins us to explore the unique trauma of post-affair divorce—what she describes as a “spiritual car crash.” We discuss why the grief of being betrayed and then left carries a distinct and devastating complexity, including the deep shame, self-blame, and identity loss many survivors experience. Linda offers insight for betrayed spouses wrestling with worth, rewritten marital histories, and faith shaken to the core. We also address hard questions around forgiveness when reconciliation isn’t possible and what redemption can look like for those who caused the betrayal and now face its consequences. For listeners in the raw aftermath of divorce, Linda shares practical hope for reclaiming identity, rebuilding a fierce, honest faith, and taking the first steps toward healing and wholeness.
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Dr. Gary Chapman joins us for a rich conversation about loving well through The 5 Love Languages®. We begin with a helpful refresher on the five languages and explore how personality shapes the way we give and receive love. Chapman also explains the idea of the “love tank”—what fills it, what drains it, and how couples can keep it healthy through consistency, practice, and intentional effort rather than striving for perfection. For listeners navigating recovery from pornography, compulsive sexual behavior, or betrayal, this episode offers compassionate guidance on using the love languages in healthy, non-manipulative ways that build trust instead of pressure. We also talk about what it means to be a truly good listener, how to express unmet needs with grace, and when to share versus simply hear. Finally, Dr. Chapman introduces The 5 Love Languages® Premium Assessment and how it helps couples grow in understanding and connection.
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In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, Dr. Andrew Bauman joins us to discuss why the church so often becomes an unsafe place for survivors of sexual betrayal. Drawing from his work as a licensed mental health counselor and his research with more than 2,800 women, Dr. Bauman shares what led him—from pastoral ministry into clinical practice—to expose the systemic sexism and abuse he documents in Safe Church. We explore how misogyny disguised as theology retraumatizes betrayed women, how men’s recovery spaces can drift toward self-protection rather than true repair, and why meaningful repentance must be victim-centered. Dr. Bauman unpacks distorted interpretations of power, forgiveness, and the biblical term Ezer, and offers practical “green flags” for identifying church communities that genuinely support healing, equality, and spiritual safety for both men and women in recovery.
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In today’s episode, we explore the heart behind the book, When Hurting People Come to Church, and the growing mental health crisis impacting families, churches, and communities—including those navigating sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Our guests, Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. James Sells, explain why so many people struggle to find timely help and how the Church is uniquely positioned to respond. Rather than serving only as a referral source, churches can become places of relational care, where ordinary people learn to love well without needing professional credentials. You’ll hear practical ways to support others without burning out, along with an introduction to the CARE strategy and The Church Cares, a movement equipping congregations to walk with hurting people. You’ll discover a hopeful vision of compassionate, community-based care.
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In this episode of the Pure Desire Podcast, we explore a radically different way of understanding desire in recovery, betrayal, and marriage. Rather than treating desire as the enemy, our guest, Jay Stringer, invites us to see unwanted behaviors as signposts pointing to deeper wounds and unmet longings.
Drawing from Jay’s research with over 4,000 people, we discuss how fear-based restriction, shame-driven purity culture, and the pursuit of intensity often fuel addiction and emotional disconnection. We unpack how curiosity, compassion, and wholeness can help individuals move out of relapse cycles and support relational repair after betrayal.
For betrayed partners, we address how desire can go dormant—and how it can be reclaimed safely. We conclude by envisioning what “connected desire” looks like beyond crisis and where listeners can learn more in Jay’s new book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow
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In today’s episode, we’re joined by Dr. Jake Porter to explore the pervasive and often misunderstood role of shame in recovery. We begin by defining shame and examining why understanding its messages is crucial for lasting growth.
Even after significant recovery, shame can persist—like background noise—resurfacing when we least expect it, especially when confronting the pain we’ve caused others. We discuss strategies for recognizing and responding to shame, including how to navigate triggers from loved ones, childhood experiences, or the fear of rejection. Listeners will learn practical ways to continue healing long after the initial addictive behaviors have changed, and how to support others in processing their own shame without amplifying it.
This conversation highlights the importance of awareness, empathy, and self-compassion, showing that recovery isn’t just about behavior—it’s about transforming the internal narratives that drive it. By leaning into this work, we create space for deeper freedom, connection, and emotional resilience.
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Roberts Endowment Fund
Compassionate Warrior
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In this episode, Debby Flanagan dives into a common but often overlooked challenge in recovery: trying to control life by controlling other people. We explore how this pattern can undermine relationships, fuel relapse, and distract from personal growth.
Debby outlines telltale signs that someone may be exerting control and offers strategies for self-reflection to recognize if we are doing the same. For spouses or family members, we discuss clear boundary language and how to set limits that protect your health while maintaining empathy. We also explore the freedom—and fear—that comes with allowing others to make their own choices, and how recovering addicts can focus on their own healing instead of trying to manage everyone else.
Debby shares guidance on repairing harm caused by controlling behaviors, from sincere apologies to meaningful amends, and offers practical ways to cultivate personal safety, security, and relational integrity in long-term recovery.
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Compassionate Warrior
Betrayal & Beyond
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In this episode, we explore what it truly means to take full responsibility for the damage caused by addiction—and why minimizing, deflecting, or excusing that harm often keeps relapse close at hand.
Joined by Eileen Fagan, we identify subtle signs of incomplete ownership, from defensiveness and justification to shifting focus onto the wounded spouse’s reactions. We also discuss why acknowledging pain we’ve caused is so difficult, even for those well into recovery, and how loved ones or group members can gently guide someone toward honest self-awareness without shaming or controlling.
On the hopeful side, we paint a picture of what real ownership looks like: humility, empathy, repair-focused action, and a willingness to validate pain without arguing with it. We talk about how to avoid the trap of comparison when both partners carry wounds, and how to accept responsibility without spiraling into self-contempt. Ultimately, healthy ownership becomes a lifelong posture—not self-punishment, but a steady commitment to relational repair and integrity.
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In today’s episode, we confront one of the most deceptive assumptions in the recovery world: the belief that sexual addiction is “just about sex.” With guest Robert Vander Meer, we unpack how this false narrative minimizes the emotional, relational, and neurological drivers beneath the behavior, making relapse far more likely because the real wounds go unaddressed. We identify common signs of this mindset—statements like “I just need more willpower” or “at least I’ve never crossed physical lines”—and explore how even those engaging only with pornography, fantasy, or lust can still be caught in the same trap. We also offer guidance for spouses and group members who recognize this belief in others and want to speak truth without shaming, rescuing, or lecturing. Together, we name why sexual addiction is fundamentally about pain, attachment, coping, and disconnection—not merely sexual acts. Finally, we discuss subtle ways this belief can linger even in long-term sobriety and how to continue growing in honesty, humility, and emotional freedom.
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Compassionate Warrior
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In this episode, Harry Flanagan joins us to unpack a subtle but critical danger in the recovery process: pursuing healing with less passion than we once pursued addiction. He explains how this mindset can quietly fuel relapse patterns, create emotional complacency, and leave individuals feeling stuck even while “doing the right things.” Harry also addresses why some people struggle to engage fully in recovery and what they might be missing when transformation begins to feel routine instead of urgent.
We discuss the FASTER Scale and how overconfidence—one of the earliest signs of slipping—can disguise itself as stability while actually signaling vulnerability. Harry offers practical steps for rekindling commitment when motivation fades, and guidance for spouses who fear their partner isn’t taking recovery seriously.
We’ll also explore how to support group members without slipping into fixing or rescuing, and the key behaviors to look for when someone is genuinely invested in long-term healing. He closes with encouraging, grounded advice for anyone feeling their passion for recovery growing dim.
Resources:Roberts Endowment Fund
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In today’s episode, Laurie Krieg shares her expertise on guiding children through some of today’s toughest conversations around sexuality, gender, and God’s design for relationships. From knowing the right time to talk to kids about sex, singleness, and marriage, to navigating confusing cultural messages—including rainbow flags, gender transitions in family, and the realities of pornography and trafficking—Laurie offers practical, age-appropriate guidance rooted in the Gospel. She helps parents understand why starting these conversations with God’s truth is essential and how to respond when kids ask difficult questions. Laurie also previews her upcoming book, providing a roadmap for parents seeking to equip their children to navigate today’s world safely, confidently, and with a biblical foundation. This episode is a must-listen for parents, caregivers, and anyone invested in raising children with wisdom and grace.
Resources:Laurie & Matt's Video Series
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In this episode, Rodney and Traci Wright dive into the delicate and vital topic of parenting while walking a recovery journey. Drawing from their book How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex, they explore why honesty, timing, and boundaries are essential when navigating recovery with children at home. From common mistakes parents make to practical guidance on age-appropriate disclosure, they provide insights for protecting children from the emotional rollercoaster while fostering understanding and trust. They also address how sharing recovery experiences with adult children can support both personal healing and family transformation. Filled with practical “dos,” encouragement, and real-life wisdom, this episode equips parents to walk the line between authenticity and protection, helping children grow up healthy, informed, and part of a recovery story rooted in hope and grace.
Resources:Get Your Copy of Rodney & Traci's Book!
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In this episode, John Fort returns to share insights from his book Father-Son Accountability: Integrity Through Relationships, a practical guide designed to help dads engage openly and confidently with their sons about sex, boundaries, and character. He explains why these conversations are often difficult for Christian parents, the common hesitations dads face, and the positive transformations he’s seen when fathers step into this important role. John highlights what’s new in the second edition and offers encouragement for dads of pre-teens, teens, and even adult sons, showing that it’s never too late to start. Filled with practical tips, real-life stories, and wisdom from years of ministry, this episode equips fathers—and the families around them—to build trust, accountability, and a legacy of integrity through honest, faith-filled conversations.
Resources:Get John's Book!
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In this episode, we’re joined by Ashley Jameson, the author of a powerful new book designed to help moms and daughters navigate one of the most important—and often most uncomfortable—topics: sex and healthy conversations about it. She shares what inspired her to write Girl Talk, how the book is structured, and what moms and daughters can expect as they walk through it together.
We’ll explore practical ways to move past awkwardness, create a safe and judgment-free space, and adapt conversations to different personalities and comfort levels. Ashley also tackles the biggest barriers parents face when addressing sexuality and offers hope for breaking cycles of shame.
Through her own story and insights, she reminds families that lasting growth happens when we focus on relationships over rules and keep open, honest communication going long after the book is finished.
Resources:Get Your Copy of 'Girl Talk' Now!
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In this episode, Josh Andrew explores how the start of a New Year can be a fresh opportunity for growth and focus in recovery. Moving beyond avoidance-based strategies, he introduces the Three Circles tool, emphasizing the importance of the outer circle—practices and behaviors that support a healthy, fulfilling life while reducing the risk of acting out.
Josh explains how self-care, understanding your God-given identity, and thoughtfully designing your outer circle can strengthen recovery and make it sustainable. He also addresses common mistakes, shares practical ways to involve supportive people, and highlights how clear communication can foster accountability.
Whether you’re new to recovery or looking to deepen your progress, this episode provides actionable insights and encouragement for building a holistic plan that promotes freedom, purpose, and lasting transformation.
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In this insightful episode, Stuart Blade unpacks the power of the Commitment to Change—a practical tool designed to help individuals and couples experience real transformation in their recovery and spiritual growth.
He explains what a Commitment to Change is, who it’s for, and how it can move people from good intentions to lasting change. Drawing from years of experience leading and supervising groups, Stuart shares common mistakes people make when setting commitments and the key habits that help them find traction. He also offers encouragement for those who feel stuck, showing how this weekly rhythm can support larger life goals.
Whether you’re starting the new year with renewed motivation or looking to deepen your recovery journey, this episode will help you make meaningful, sustainable progress—one intentional step at a time.
Resources:Download The Commitment To Change
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In this heartfelt episode, Rodney and Traci Wright share their powerful story of finding healing—both individually and as a couple. Long before discovering Pure Desire, their recovery journey began with a deep recognition of their need for help and God’s grace to rebuild what was broken.
They open up about the early steps they took to survive as a couple, the community that supported them, and how joining a Pure Desire group years later helped them experience a new depth of healing and connection. Together, they reveal the truths and tools that have sustained their marriage and shaped their ongoing recovery.
Through honesty, accountability, and faith, Rodney and Traci now walk in freedom and are helping others do the same. Their story offers hope for any couple longing to experience the redemptive power of God’s healing love.
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In this inspiring episode, we hear the powerful story of Brian Wolf’s journey toward healing and recovery. From the moment he realized he needed help to discovering the life-changing community of a Pure Desire group, this conversation explores how God meets us in our brokenness and leads us toward freedom.
Through honest reflection and personal experience, Brian shares the pivotal moments when healing began to take root—through connection, accountability, and the support of others walking the same path. You’ll hear the truths and tools that helped him move from pain to purpose, and how he’s now paying forward the gift of recovery to others.
Whether you’re early in your journey or seeking encouragement to keep going, this episode offers hope and direction for anyone desiring lasting transformation through Christ-centered community.
Resources:Year End Giving
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In this powerful episode, we sit down with a courageous couple, Adam and Becky Bradley, who share their honest and inspiring story of healing through the Pure Desire recovery process. From the moment they realized their need for help to the transformative experience of being in a Pure Desire group, they walk us through the highs, lows, and breakthroughs that marked their path.
They reflect on the early days of struggle, the deep impact of community and accountability, and the life-changing shift that came when they truly began to receive the healing God had for them—both individually and as a couple. You'll hear how vital tools, timeless truths, and consistent support played a role in sustaining their recovery and how they are now offering that same gift to others.
If you're longing for hope, wondering if real healing is possible, or looking for encouragement to take the next step, this episode is for you.
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In this powerful episode, we sit down with Randy and Leslie Bixby, the founders of The Family Reformation Project, to explore how their personal healing journey as a couple became a transformative mission to restore families everywhere. They share how pain became purpose, leading to a movement rooted in the belief that "family is God’s original government."
Through their story, listeners will discover how healing—though deeply personal—can become a generational gift, restoring identity, order, and legacy. We dive into the six life-giving protocols they’ve created to help families align with God’s design, offering hope and structure for those who feel lost or broken.
If you've ever believed your story is too damaged to be redeemed, this episode is for you.
Resources:Year End Giving
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In this powerful episode, we sit down with Josh and Avonlea Roy who vulnerably shares their journey of healing after infidelity and betrayal. From the pain of discovery to finding hope through the Pure Desire podcast in 2023, they recount the insights that helped them take their first steps toward restoration. Transitioning into group work with Betrayal & Beyond and Seven Pillars of Freedom, they discuss how these experiences deepened their healing and reshaped their faith. With honesty and encouragement, they reflect on pivotal moments that helped them rebuild trust, reconnect emotionally, and rediscover joy in their marriage. They also share how Pure Desire counseling and the Summit events provided breakthrough guidance along the way. Now hosts of their own show, Love After Lies, they offer wisdom, encouragement, and a message of hope to couples wondering if healing is possible. This episode is a reminder: love after betrayal is not only possible—it’s worth fighting for.
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In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Juli Slattery, who has spent 15 years helping Christians navigate the complex terrain of sexuality in light of faith. We explore why so many struggle to surrender their sexuality to God and why the traditional church approach often falls short in addressing the real-life challenges people face today.
Juli dives into how unresolved sexual issues can create barriers in our relationship with God and explains why identity—rather than behavior—is the key starting point for true transformation. She uncovers four common identity traps—self-discovery, shame, performance, and relationship—that can derail spiritual and sexual growth.
Juli also challenges us to rethink the purpose of sexuality, offering practical insight on why simply stopping sexual sin is not enough and how surrendering sexual brokenness leads to lasting freedom.
Resources:Order Juli's NEW BOOK
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In this eye-opening episode, we sit down with Tabitha Westbrook, an advocate and expert passionate about helping individuals recognize and address abuse within marriage. Tabitha unpacks the often-misunderstood signs of abuse—both obvious and subtle—and challenges the dangerous belief that “it’s not abuse unless it’s physical.” She sheds light on how emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse can deeply impact relationships, and how these patterns often overlap with addiction, including sexual addiction.
We also explore the complex dynamics that arise when both abuse and addiction are present and how the church and recovery communities can respond with wisdom, compassion, and safety. Whether you're a group leader, a recovery partner, or someone walking through a difficult marriage, this conversation offers clarity, courage, and hope. If you or someone you know may be in an unsafe relationship, this episode is a vital listen. You are not alone—and there is a path forward.
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In this deeply moving episode, we sit down with Teresa Whiting, the author of the book Graced, to explore the powerful, often overlooked stories of women in Scripture—like Tamar and Bathsheba—whose experiences of brokenness and redemption reveal the heart of God in profound ways. She shares the personal and spiritual journey that led her to write a book she never intended to, and how God gently transformed her resistance into a calling.
As she studied these women’s stories, Teresa discovered surprising truths about God’s tenderness, justice, and deep care for the hurting. Together, we unpack how Scripture speaks directly to those who feel too broken or too far gone, offering a message of grace, truth, and restoration.
For anyone wrestling with shame or still in the thick of healing, this conversation offers hope and permission to begin stewarding their story. God doesn't discard the wounded—He draws near, redeems, and uses their stories for His glory.
Resources:Teresa's Podcast (Renamed)
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In this compelling episode, we sit down with Dr. Jill Manning, a leading expert in betrayal trauma whose groundbreaking research has brought critical awareness to the emotional toll of pornography use within intimate relationships. She shares her journey into this deeply personal and often misunderstood field, shedding light on the unique dynamics of betrayal trauma and its profound impact on partners and marriages.
We’ll discuss valuable insights into the most important findings from her work, common misconceptions that hinder healing, and the often-overlooked emotional responses betrayed partners experience. We explore therapeutic separation, cycles of distrust, and practical steps for fostering healing—both individually and as a couple.
Whether you're a clinician, spiritual leader, or someone walking the path of recovery, this episode offers both clarity and compassion. Join us for a powerful conversation that aims to restore hope, support deeper understanding, and encourage lasting healing after betrayal.
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In this essential episode, we dive into a candid conversation about the role of pastors and church leaders in responding to sexual addiction and betrayal trauma within their communities. Many leaders feel illequipped—or even fearful—of “getting it wrong” when someone discloses their pain.
Our guest, Dr. Barbara Steffens, offers practical wisdom on how pastors can take meaningful first steps, create shame-free environments, and offer spiritual care without needing to be counselors or experts. We explore common missteps leaders make, how to respond with grace when harmful advice is being given, and what it means to walk in both truth and compassion.
For those seeking to make their churches proactive rather than reactive, this conversation casts a vision for what safe, healing spaces can look like—where both individuals and couples impacted by sexual brokenness can find support, truth, and lasting hope. Whether you're a pastor, ministry leader, or a concerned member of your church, this episode is packed with clarity, encouragement, and next steps.
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In this episode, we sit down with Pastor Ken Krueger to explore what it truly means to cultivate a culture of grace within the church. Pastor Ken shares his personal journey, the heart behind his ministry, and what inspired him to lead his congregation toward greater authenticity and healing.
Together, we talk about the challenges of shifting from performance-driven or shame-based models to a grace-filled approach that emphasizes wholeness. He reflects on the role of Pure Desire groups in fostering deeper community, the practical rhythms his church has implemented to support both leaders and members, and powerful stories of transformation that reveal the impact of grace in action.
With wisdom, honesty, and hope, this episode offers encouragement and advice to church leaders seeking to nurture authenticity in their own communities.
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In this honest and compassionate conversation, we explore the hidden struggles pastors often face—and why many suffer in silence. Our guest, Cal Rychener, unpacks the key barriers that keep church leaders from seeking help, including fear, shame, and unrealistic expectations. We look at the dangerous impact unaddressed struggles can have on both the pastor and the church, and the steps leadership can take to build a culture of proactive care and support.
Through real-life stories of pastors who finally reached out, we see the power of grace, community, and trusted resources—like those from Pure Desire—to bring healing and restoration. This episode also casts a hopeful vision for what a truly healthy church looks like: one that cares well for its leaders.
If you’re a pastor, church staff member, or simply someone who wants to support your leaders better, this conversation offers both challenge and encouragement.
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In this special episode, Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson sit down to share the heart behind their new book, Hope, Healing, and Freedom. Written from their own journeys through pornography addiction and betrayal trauma, this book offers a deeply personal yet practical roadmap toward lasting recovery.
They discuss why telling their story together matters, the reasons pornography has become such a widespread issue—even in the church—and how common misconceptions continue to keep people stuck in silence. Nick and Ashley unpack key concepts like connection vs. sobriety, the impact of betrayal trauma, and why quitting porn requires more than just willpower.
With insights from both biblical truth and brain science, they highlight the kind of support and understanding both strugglers and spouses truly need. Whether you're on the road to recovery or walking with someone who is, this conversation offers powerful encouragement, real hope, and a vision for true freedom.
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In this vital and eye-opening episode, we speak with Hannah Ashwell from QuitPorn Faith about the complex, often misunderstood topic of sex addiction within the Church—especially when it involves individuals who have offended or are at risk of offending. Hannah shares the most common misconceptions churches hold and how these can hinder true healing and safety.
We explore how faith communities can create cultures of openness and accountability while implementing essential safeguarding protocols to protect everyone. Drawing from real-world experience, Hannah offers insight into how churches can balance grace with responsibility, and restoration with necessary boundaries. From practical next steps when someone discloses illegal behavior to examples of churches walking this difficult path well, this conversation provides both courage and clarity.
For leaders who feel overwhelmed by the weight of these issues, Hannah offers hope: with the right tools and heart posture, churches can be places of redemption and protection.
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In the raw aftermath of betrayal, survival mode often takes over—leaving clarity and stability out of reach. In this episode, Eileen Fagan shares the three critical tools every betrayed spouse needs to integrate quickly in the early days post-discovery. We explore why these tools matter, what “integration” looks like when trauma is fresh, and how they can offer safety and emotional grounding even when everything feels shattered.
Eileen addresses common misunderstandings about a betrayed partner’s immediate needs and gently walks us through how these tools can shift someone from panic or paralysis to empowerment and self-regulation. We also discuss common barriers to using the tools, how to layer them with care, and the difference they make long-term.
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The day of discovery—when a partner finds out their spouse has been viewing porn—can feel like emotional devastation. In this powerful episode, we dive into the six most important steps betrayed partners should take in the aftermath, including reaching out for support, setting healthy boundaries, and allowing space for emotional chaos.
Our guest, Heather Kolb, sheds light on why the pain of discovery runs so deep, how to create a Safety Action Plan, and how betrayed partners can seek truth and healing without falling into shame or isolation. We also explore why rushing to reconciliation may do more harm than good and what to do when the struggling spouse refuses to seek help.
Whether you're in the early stages of betrayal trauma or walking alongside someone who is, this conversation offers grounding guidance, honest insight, and hope for healing. You are not alone, and your healing matters—starting today.
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The first 60 days after discovery or disclosure are some of the most overwhelming—and critical—moments in the recovery journey. In this episode, we unpack why this window matters so much and how to navigate it with clarity and purpose.
Our guest and clinician for Pure Desire, Josh Andrew, shares the top three tools every individual should begin using right away: the Recovery Action Plan, the Escape Plan, and the Three Circles. You'll learn how these tools help calm the chaos, provide direction, and interrupt destructive patterns before they take over. We walk through practical first steps for each, offering guidance that’s simple, actionable, and effective—even in crisis.
Whether you’re just starting recovery or supporting someone who is, this episode offers hope and structure for the days ahead.
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Getting caught looking at porn can be an emotionally overwhelming experience, filled with shame, confusion, and fear. In this episode, we sit down with Jason Karsten to explore the six most crucial steps someone should take immediately after discovery—from seeking support and establishing boundaries to giving themselves grace and beginning the healing process. Jason shares practical advice on taking responsibility without being consumed by shame, the importance of honesty and transparency, and how to shift the focus from just managing behavior to pursuing true inner transformation. We also discuss the power of creating healthy boundaries that foster growth rather than punishment, and why rushing your partner toward forgiveness may backfire. Whether you’re just beginning your recovery or helping someone else walk through it, this episode offers clear, compassionate guidance for navigating the difficult—but hopeful—path ahead. Healing is possible, and this conversation is a powerful first step toward lasting change.
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In this episode, Debby Flanagan shares valuable insight into what comes after the first year of recovery—a season often marked by both growth and new challenges. As the initial intensity of group begins to settle, many wonder: What’s next? Debby offers guidance on how to discern the right next step—whether it’s repeating a group, starting a new workbook, or stepping into leadership. She unpacks what it means to have a long-term vision for recovery while remaining grounded in the present moment.
You’ll hear about the shifting dynamics of recovery in Year 2 and beyond, the potential for plateau, and how to reignite momentum when things feel stale. Debby also emphasizes the ongoing importance of community, intentional relationships, and practical ways to keep your recovery work fresh and meaningful.
Whether you're stepping into your second year or helping someone else navigate theirs, this episode is packed with wisdom to help you stay committed, energized, and hopeful for the road ahead.
Resources:Full Episode on YouTube
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In this insightful episode, Tyler Chinchen unpacks the importance of knowing when group alone isn’t enough—and how seeking additional support can actually deepen the healing process. While recovery groups offer connection, structure, and hope, some seasons call for more personalized help.
Tyler shares the key signs that someone might benefit from working with a counselor, coach, spiritual director, or mentor—and breaks down the unique role each plays in the journey toward freedom. We also explore how to avoid becoming overly dependent on advice and instead take ownership of our healing. If you’ve ever felt ashamed or unsure about needing “extra help,” this conversation brings clarity, encouragement, and a fresh perspective.
Tyler also offers guidance for group leaders and members on how to support others in taking that next step, with compassion and healthy boundaries.
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In this honest and hope-filled episode, Ashley Jameson shares wisdom from her own recovery journey and years of walking with others through the group process. Together, we explore the reality that healing in a group isn’t a straight line—it’s filled with both highs and lows.
Ashley highlights the moments that bring encouragement and motivation, as well as the common challenges that can cause doubt or discouragement. She offers practical insight for staying engaged when things feel slow, painful, or uncertain—and reminds us why honesty and consistency are so essential to long-term growth. Through powerful stories of breakthrough and perseverance, Ashley paints a picture of what’s possible when we don’t give up.
Whether you're in a tough season or supporting someone who is, this conversation is a timely reminder: you’re not alone, and the process is worth it.
Resources:Join A Group Here!
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In this episode of our series, The Ideal Group Member, Rich Moore joins us to talk about what it really means to “start group well”—and why those first few weeks can make all the difference in the healing journey. He unpacks the key mindsets and attitudes that help set the tone for lasting growth, along with common mistakes to avoid when beginning a Pure Desire group.
From the importance of consistency to the challenge of building trust with strangers, Rich offers practical wisdom for both new members and seasoned leaders. Whether you’re feeling excited, nervous, or skeptical about group, this conversation will give you clarity, confidence, and hope for what’s ahead. You’ll also hear how leaders and existing members can create a safe, supportive environment where true healing can begin.
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In this transformative episode, Harry Flanagan unpacks the vital role of a spiritual growth plan in long-term healing and freedom. He shares why a clear, intentional path isn’t just helpful—it’s essential, especially for those navigating recovery. What does a spiritual growth plan actually look like? Is there a rhythm that fosters consistency without becoming rigid? Harry addresses common gaps in spiritual development, particularly when someone feels disconnected from God or has experienced spiritual trauma. You’ll also hear how practices like Scripture reading, prayer, and worship impact the brain, body, and soul—offering holistic support in the healing journey. Plus, we explore the irreplaceable role of community in accountability and encouragement. For those feeling stuck despite doing all the “right” things, Harry offers both grace and practical tools to move forward with hope. Whether you're building your plan or needing fresh perspective, this episode meets you right where you are.
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In this episode of the Foundations of Freedom series, Heather Kolb joins us as we dive deep into the battlefield of the mind—where true healing begins. From a neuroscience perspective, we explore how the brain processes sexual brokenness and trauma, and why understanding this is key to lasting transformation. Many people believe they’re just “wired this way,” but what if you could actually retrain your brain?
Heather unpacks the difference between wiring and training, how shame keeps us stuck, and why triggers and relapse are often rooted in brain function—not failure. With practical tools and powerful insights, she offers hope and direction for anyone feeling overwhelmed by their thought life.
If you've ever wondered whether freedom is out of reach, this episode will remind you that your mind is not your enemy—it’s the starting place for breakthrough.
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Sobriety isn’t just about stopping a behavior—it’s about building a new way of living. In this powerful episode, Stuart Blade dives into what it truly means to establish sobriety and not just temporarily abstain. He shares practical steps for protecting your progress, limiting the damage of past behaviors, and preventing future setbacks.
For those just starting out, Stuart offers insight into the mental and emotional hurdles of early recovery—and how to face them with strength and clarity. We also explore how to rebuild trust, embrace accountability, and shift from behavior management to identity transformation. With honesty and compassion, Stuart addresses the tension between grace and discipline, and how self-compassion plays a crucial role in the healing process.
If sobriety feels overwhelming or out of reach, this episode is filled with practical encouragement, real hope, and steps forward. Lasting change is possible—and it begins one intentional choice at a time.
Resources:All Our Tools
Three Circles Podcast
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In this episode, Kelly Johnston, the Women’s Groups Lead at Pure Desire, shares her profound insights on the healing journey and the importance of “surrendering to the process.” We explore how trust and vulnerability play key roles in surrendering control and embracing God’s timing, despite the fear and resistance many women face.
Kelly discusses common obstacles in recovery and how to navigate the “messiness” of the process without becoming discouraged. She offers practical steps for staying committed when the journey feels long and challenging, while emphasizing the power of slow, intentional healing.
With encouragement for those struggling with shame or past hurts, Kelly offers a hopeful message about trusting God’s unwavering commitment to our healing and freedom.
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In this episode, we are joined by Sam Jolman. He is the author of, The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, and an expert in the field of sexual health and addiction recovery. Today we’re going to dive deep into the complexities of pornography use, compulsive sexual behavior, and the path to healing. Sam shares insights into how these behaviors can become addictive, offering a compassionate look at what it means to face down these struggles. Together, we explore how early relational wounds impact sexuality and intimacy, and how understanding one's full story of sexual development can be key in breaking unhealthy patterns.
We reflect on the gaps and misconceptions many people face in their understanding of sex, intimacy, and emotional connection. This conversation offers a roadmap for reshaping one’s view of sexuality and building healthier relationships with self and others.
Whether you're seeking to understand your own journey or support someone else through theirs, this episode provides practical steps and a hopeful perspective on rewriting your internal narrative around sex and intimacy.
Resources:Register For The 2025 Summit Now!
Sam's Website
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In this powerful kickoff to our Foundations of Freedom series, we sit down with John Begeman to explore why breaking free from denial is the critical first step in the healing journey. Often masked as a form of protection, denial can quietly keep us stuck—especially in the face of sexual brokenness or betrayal trauma.
John unpacks the subtle ways people remain unaware of their pain and the emotional and spiritual toll it takes over time. He shares how radical honesty, guided by grace, can pave the way to freedom, even when facing truth feels overwhelming. You'll hear practical insights on recognizing denial, supporting loved ones who may be stuck, and pushing through the discomfort that often comes with self-awareness.
John also offers a moving real-life story of transformation—proof that healing is possible when we choose truth over illusion.
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In today’s episode, Bob Vander Meer and Heather Kolb join us to preview the upcoming Pure Desire Summit, sharing their excitement and insights about this year’s event. With the theme "Anchored in Hope," they discuss how the Summit aims to foster connection, growth, and healing for attendees from all walks of life. We reflect on what sets the Pure Desire Summit apart from other events and discuss what we hope attendees will walk away with—both personally and professionally.
They dive into how the theme of hope resonates with those who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior and those who have experienced betrayal, and highlight some of the key sessions that are sure to inspire and empower.
For many people who attend the Summit, the impact is life-changing, becoming the catalyst for lasting recovery, healing, and transformation.
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In this insightful episode, Dr. Jake Porter shares his expertise on sex addiction and betrayal trauma through the powerful lens of the theme Anchored in Hope.
Drawing from neuroscience, attachment theory, and spiritual truth, Dr. Jake unpacks how understanding the brain's role in addiction and trauma can offer a renewed sense of hope to those feeling stuck in cycles of pain. He explores how couples can begin to rebuild trust after betrayal, and how healing attachment wounds leads to healthier, more secure relationships. Dr. Jake emphasizes the importance of integrating psychology, spirituality, and neuroscience for a holistic recovery journey.
With practical steps and compassionate wisdom, he offers guidance for individuals and couples working to restore emotional and relational health. Whether you're in recovery, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking deeper understanding, this conversation is rich with hope. Dr. Jake also shares why the Pure Desire Summit is a must-attend for anyone pursuing lasting healing and freedom.
Resources:Register for Summit 2025 Here
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In this episode, Dr. Adrian Hickmon, founder of Capstone Treatment Center, shares his deep insights into the transformative power of hope in recovery, particularly for those struggling with addiction and trauma. Drawing on his firsthand experience, he explores how hope anchors individuals, helping them rediscover purpose and faith amidst emotional pain.
Adrian sheds light on how people can break free from the shame and guilt tied to their struggles, offering a path to healing and lasting change. He also tackles common misconceptions about recovery and emphasizes the importance of a holistic approach that integrates faith, emotional healing, and practical skills for lasting transformation. With a focus on grace and identity, Adrian offers valuable advice for counselors and ministers supporting those in recovery.
He highlights the significance of attending the Pure Desire Summit, sharing how it provides a space for attendees to gain new insights and tools for helping others.
Resources:Register For Summit 2025
Adrian’s New Book
Capstone Wellness
The Body Keeps The Score
The Urge: Our History of Addiction
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In this powerful and deeply compassionate episode, Dr. Sheri Denham Keffer joins us to explore the theme Anchored in Hope—a lifeline for those navigating the stormy waters of sexual betrayal, trauma, and addiction. With wisdom drawn from years of walking alongside individuals in pain, Dr. Sheri unpacks how rediscovering our true identity in Christ fosters self-awareness, ignites healing, and grounds us in a hope that endures—even when it feels out of reach.
We dive into practical steps for reconnecting with hope during the darkest moments, how to support loved ones in their recovery without minimizing their experience, and what it looks like to break free from cycles of shame and brokenness. Dr. Sheri also shares stories of powerful transformation and trust restored through the choice to hope again.
Whether you're on a healing journey yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers rich encouragement and insight—and a compelling reason to attend the upcoming Pure Desire Summit.
Resources:Register For The 2025 Summit Now!
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In this episode, we dive into the world of neurodivergence and its unique connection to addiction and recovery. Our guest, Jenna Riemersma, shares insights into what neurodivergence means and offers examples of behaviors that may be seen in neurodivergent individuals.
We explore the specific challenges they face when dealing with addiction and recovery, and how mental health stigma can impact their journey. We also discuss the concept of self-regulation and its relationship to addictive behaviors, as well as the importance of neurodiversity education in addiction recovery settings. We provide practical strategies for managing recovery and how family and friends can better support neurodivergent individuals.
Resources:Jenna's Website
Sarah BergenField's Website
Help Her Heal
Embrace Autism
Autism In The Adult Podcast
Is This Autism?
Association For Autism & Neurodiversity
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In this episode, we delve deep into the intersection of mental health, trauma, and unwanted sexual behavior, exploring how our past experiences shape our present struggles. Our guest, Jay Stringer, shares powerful insights into the connection between unresolved wounds and their impact on mental health, offering practical guidance on how to approach healing with curiosity instead of self-condemnation. We discuss the importance of understanding our stories, how attachment theory influences our relationships and mental health, and how faith can play a pivotal role in the healing process.
We’ll explore why it's crucial to focus on the "why" behind behaviors, rather than simply trying to stop them, and how to break free from unhealthy patterns that keep us stuck. With compassion and curiosity at the core of the conversation, Jay offers valuable advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed in their healing journey, helping them take their first practical steps toward mental wellness.
ResourcesJay’s Website
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In this episode, we dig into the intersection of pornography use, social media, and mental health, exploring how these modern influences are shaping our perceptions of intimacy, relationships, and self-worth. We discuss how most people's journey with porn typically begins, early signs that it’s negatively affecting mental health, and how social media plays a significant role in fueling these behaviors.
Our conversation addresses common mental health challenges linked to problematic porn and social media use, such as anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. We explore how these habits can distort a person’s understanding of relationships and sexuality, and the shame and guilt that often accompany these struggles, exacerbating mental health issues.
We discuss the underlying personality traits that make someone more vulnerable to using porn or social media as coping mechanisms, and the role isolation plays in worsening emotional distress. We offer practical advice on how to recognize when porn and social media use are negatively impacting mental health and relationships, and the first steps toward healing and recovery.
Resources:Parent Training Course
Youth Leader Library
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In this episode, we explore the intersection of faith and mental health with Dr. Carol Tanksley who has dedicated their life to helping others heal from fear, anxiety, grief, and more. We’ll talk about the Church’s role in addressing mental health struggles, unpack common misconceptions Christians hold about anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges, and discuss how believers can distinguish between spiritual battles and mental health issues.
This conversation highlights the importance of creating safe spaces within the Church for those struggling with mental health, the role of community in the healing process, and offers powerful encouragement for those feeling hopeless in their battle with mental health challenges.
Resources:Dr. Carol's Website
Pure Desire Tools
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In this episode, we dive into the topic of biblical sexuality with Rodney Wright. We discuss his passion for addressing this often-overlooked issue and why the conversation around biblical sexuality is “dead” in many churches today. Exploring beyond the simple “sex is for marriage” approach, we discuss how we can recover a more holistic, biblical understanding of human sexuality in a modern context.
Rodney shares insights on balancing sexual holiness with compassion for those struggling with brokenness, the role of marriage in God’s design, and how the resurrection of Jesus brings renewal to both our sexuality and community. Plus, we preview how churches can better support singles in embracing biblical sexuality. Tune in for an enlightening and thought-provoking conversation!
Resources:Unlocking The Bibles Wisdom on Addiction
The Theology Of Addiction
Parent Training Course
Parent Training Course Trailer
Sexual Integrity 101
7 Pillars of Freedom
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In this episode, we dig into the often overlooked intersection of singleness and sexuality, exploring how we can resurrect a healthier, more holistic view of both. We discuss the importance of stewarding sexual desire with integrity, especially in a culture that promotes instant gratification and casual relationships.
Our guests share their personal stories of God’s redemptive work in their sexuality during their single years and offer insights on how the church can better support and value singles. We also explore the difference between sexuality and sensuality and how to hold space for both desire and disappointment with hope and faith.
Resources:'Unwanted' by Jay Stringer
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Description
In this raw and vulnerable episode, Mike and Megan Ramirez share their powerful journey of rediscovering hope and redemption in their marriage after hitting rock bottom. They take us back to the moment of discovery, revealing how a devastating truth almost ended it all. Through heartache, denial, and moments of deep despair, they walk us through their process of healing, the critical steps they took to save their marriage, and the people who played pivotal roles in their transformation.
They reveal how God turned their darkest days into milestones of redemption, transforming what was once a marriage on the brink of collapse into a thriving partnership. They share the daily habits, mindset shifts, and lessons learned that have helped them rebuild and sustain their bond, offering practical insights on how to keep a marriage strong.
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In today’s episode, we sit down with Dr. Curt Thompson to explore the complex relationship between anxiety, trauma, and the stories we tell ourselves. We discuss how feelings of anxiety and aloneness are intertwined, how trauma affects the brain, and the powerful role of secure relationships and community in healing.
Dr. Thompson also shares practical steps for understanding and moving through anxiety, breaking free from isolation, and reconnecting with others and with God. Plus, we dive into the impact of spiritual practices like prayer and Scripture meditation in calming the mind and grounding us in peace. Don’t miss this enlightening conversation!
Resources:Dr. Curt’s Website
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The Center For Being Known
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In this impactful episode, we sit down with Pastor Andrew Rothrock of Riverbend Church in Bend, Oregon, to explore what it means to create a church culture that actively supports sexual health and healing. Riverbend is setting a powerful example by making recovery from compulsive sexual behavior and betrayal trauma a visible and valued part of their ministry.
We talk with Andrew about why their church made sexual wholeness a key discipleship focus, how they’ve integrated Pure Desire groups into the life of their community, and the incredible transformation they’re seeing in both individuals and marriages.
From reducing shame to developing future leaders, this episode is full of encouragement for churches and pastors who want to lead with grace and truth in this vital area.
Resources:Church Toolkit
Order ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!
Andrews Church
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In this powerful episode, we sit down with Jasmine Marino, Founder and Director of Jasmine Grace Outreach, to discuss their life-changing work helping survivors escape sex trafficking and begin their recovery journey. From providing tailored recovery support groups to offering essential mentoring and coaching, Jasmine Grace Outreach goes above and beyond to empower individuals who have experienced both sexual exploitation and addiction.
We dive into the challenges the organization faces, the unique needs of survivors, and how they work to raise awareness about the links between addiction, pornography, and trafficking.
Resources:Jasmine Grace Outreach
Jasmine's Book
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In this eye-opening episode, we’re joined by Lisa Thompson, Vice President of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s Research Institute. We delve into the complex and often misunderstood connection between pornography and sexual exploitation. We explore how the consumption of porn fuels industries that profit from human trafficking and exploitation, and the psychological, relational, and societal consequences of widespread pornography use. We discuss the legal gaps that allow these harms to persist, and what policies need to change to protect vulnerable individuals.
We also tackle the role of social media and mainstream platforms in spreading exploitative content and the accountability measures that should be in place. Parents and caregivers will gain insight into the significant impact pornography has on children and teens, with practical advice on how to safeguard their well-being.
Resources:Get The Barna Report
NCOSE Website
Living Undefiled
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In this eye-opening episode, we dig into the complexities of the adult entertainment industry, shedding light on the personal stories often hidden behind its glitzy façade. Rey Jordan, a counselor with experience working with individuals in the industry, shares her insights on the real-life struggles that lead people to seek counseling and the trauma that shapes their experiences.
We discuss the pathways many women take into the adult industry, the societal narratives that fail to reflect their true stories, and the ways in which pain and trauma shape their journeys. This conversation challenges the popular belief that adult performers are simply making a "choice," and explores the damaging cultural assumptions that perpetuate this mindset.
The conversation touches on how the public’s view of pornography and the adult industry could change if people understood the deeper realities behind it. We discuss how people in recovery can use their healing to create positive change, and offer advice for those wanting to make a difference in the lives of those affected by the adult entertainment industry. Tune in for a powerful discussion that will change the way you think about these difficult issues.
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Today we’re celebrating episode 400 of the Pure Desire Podcast! So we did things a little differently. We talk through the most memorable episodes, the most surprising guests, and Nick’s most unique opening song. We also share a couple testimonies from listeners personally impacted by the podcast. Then, we mix things up by doing a listener’s Q&A. We answer questions about: lying during the recovery process; why sexually acting out feels so personal to the betrayed partner; what the Superhero’s Odyssey revealed; how to equip the Church to reach teens; and more.
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In this episode, we tackle the challenging yet crucial topic of reintegrating sex into a marriage after betrayal. Rebecca Vander Meer and Traci Wright, two Pure Desire Clinicians, share why this is such a struggle for many couples and the common mistakes that can hinder progress. From rushing the process to overlooking emotional intimacy, we explore what couples can do to overcome these obstacles.
The conversation also highlights key strategies that successful couples use—such as open communication, mutual respect, and taking things step by step—to rebuild a healthy and fulfilling physical connection. Join us for an honest and insightful discussion on navigating this sensitive journey together.
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In this episode, we delve into the emotional journey of couples healing from betrayal. We’re joined by Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and authors, who share insights from their work on the Intimacy Pyramid—a framework designed to help couples rebuild trust, connection, and intimacy after a betrayal. We explore the different stages of healing, from honesty and emotional safety to full intimacy, and how this process varies for betraying spouses, betrayed partners, and the couple as a whole. We discuss common roadblocks couples face and how they can overcome them. Matthew and Joanna offer practical steps couples can take right now to start healing, as well as encouragement for anyone who feels stuck or hopeless on their journey to restoration.
Resources:The Raabsmith's Website
FREE 30 Day Honesty Guide
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In this episode, we are joined by Dr. Dan Allender, renowned author and counselor, to discuss the themes of his latest book: The Deep-Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Intimacy, Healing, and Delight. Dan shares the inspiration behind writing it and offers powerful insights into strengthening marriages.
We explore key questions such as: What does it mean to truly honor your spouse? How can couples resolve conflicts without one partner feeling submissive? What role do past wounds play in shaping our present relationships?
Dan also discusses how shame, judgment, and resentment hinder intimacy, and how Christians can use therapeutic skills to foster connection. Join us for an enlightening conversation on love, vulnerability, and healing.
Resources:The Allender Center
The Deep Rooted Marriage
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In this episode, we dive deep into the transformative concept of "rupture and repair" in parenting with expert Dr. Jake Porter. As a featured expert in the Parent Training Course, he unpacks the crucial role this process plays in building stronger, more resilient relationships between parents and children.
We explore what happens when emotional ruptures occur—whether through misunderstandings, miscommunication, or outbursts—and how parents can recognize when their child feels disconnected or hurt. Dr. Jake shares practical insights on how to approach repair with vulnerability, empathy, and emotional presence, offering concrete strategies for parents navigating the complexities of connection and healing.
Tune in for actionable advice, relatable stories, and expert wisdom on fostering deeper bonds with your children through the process of rupture and repair.
Resources:Get Our New Parent Training Course
Daring Ventures
Dr. Jake Porter's Website
Dr. Jake Porter's Youtube Channel
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In this episode, we tackle one of the most pressing concerns for parents today: protecting children from the dangers of pornography. Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, shares her inspiration behind writing the book and her mission to help parents guide their young children through the complexities of online content in a way that is age-appropriate and effective.
We discuss the concept of "porn-proofing" children, which was explored in Pure Desire’s new Parent Training Course, and why it's more crucial than ever for parents to take an active role in safeguarding their kids from harmful material.
With many parents feeling overwhelmed by the task of guiding their children through the digital landscape, Nick, Heather, and Kristen provide practical advice on how to approach these tough conversations with confidence, compassion, and love. Whether you're just starting to think about these issues or are already deep in the process of "porn-proofing" your children, this episode offers essential tools and insights for every parent in today’s digital age.
Resources:Parent Training Course
Kristen's Organization
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Join us as we explore the intersection of faith and sexual health education, with expert insights from Dr. Glen Maiden on how to approach teaching children about sex from a biblical perspective. As a biblical sexual health educator, Dr. Glen shares how to approach this sensitive topic with children in a way that honors faith-based values while promoting healthy, balanced views of sexuality.
We discuss how to introduce sexual health teachings to children, both from a practical and scriptural standpoint, and how biblical principles can shape these conversations. We discuss how parents can break free from unhealthy or shame-based approaches to sexuality, especially if they grew up in environments where sex was stigmatized or misunderstood.
You'll learn how to talk about sex in a way that avoids instilling shame or fear, and instead, encourages healthy, respectful attitudes toward their bodies and relationships. For parents who feel uncertain or overwhelmed by these conversations, this episode offers compassionate advice on how to approach the subject with confidence and grace.
Resources:Dr. Glen's Website
Hope XP App On Google Play Store
Parent Training Course
Parent Training Trailer
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In today’s episode, we dive deep into one of the most important—and often most uncomfortable—topics for parents: talking with your kids about sex. We’re joined by Rodney and Traci Wright, authors of How to Talk With Your Kids About Sex and the primary speakers in Pure Desire’s new Parent Training Course. We tackle key issues like how to address our own sexual health as parents, the challenges of today's media landscape, and how to adjust these conversations as children grow. We also discuss common fears parents have, such as whether talking about sex too early might encourage risky behavior—and why, in fact, it can help prevent it. This conversation goes beyond the biology of sex and emphasizes the emotional, spiritual, and relational aspects that are just as critical to discuss with kids. You'll hear how trust plays a crucial role in keeping the lines of communication open and what parents can do if they've missed early opportunities to talk about sex.
Resources:Full Episode on Youtube
Parent Training Course
Parent Training Course Trailer
Rodney & Traci's Book
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Navigating healthy relationships with teens can feel overwhelming, especially in a culture full of conflicting messages about identity and sexuality. In this episode, we explore how to raise kids with a biblically grounded and holistic view of sexuality. Drawing from Sheila Wray Gregoire's new book, She Deserves Better, this conversation offers practical tools and transformative insights for parents, youth leaders, and anyone invested in guiding the next generation. Whether you're teaching boundaries, addressing purity culture's impact, or fostering open and respectful conversations, this episode equips you to build healthier relationships and a stronger foundation of faith. Perfect for parents, mentors, and anyone committed to shaping a future of integrity and connection, this discussion encourages you to approach these challenges with wisdom and grace.
Resources:Full Episode on Youtube
She Deserves Better
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Happy New Year’s Eve! In this special year-end episode, host Nick Stumbo and guest co-host Heather Kolb dive into the value of self-reflection as we close out one year and prepare for the next. Whether you’re in the middle of a recovery journey, pursuing personal growth, or simply looking for practical ways to start the new year with purpose, this episode has something for you.
Nick and Heather discuss why self-reflection is vital, not just at the end of the year but throughout our lives. They explore how pausing to look back can help us uncover insights about ourselves, our relationships, and our faith, and how those insights can inform our steps forward. Learn practical tips for identifying priorities, setting achievable goals, and inviting God and others into the process.
Tune in for practical wisdom, heartfelt encouragement, and a few laughs as we look back on the past year and step boldly into 2025.
Resources:Full Episode On Youtube
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Resources:Full Episode on Youtube
Unwanted by Jay Stringer
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Sam Black, the author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography and How to Fix It and the Director of Recovery Education at Covenant Eyes, joins the podcast today to wrap up an 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, Nick, Ashley, and Sam explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
Resources:Full Episode On Youtube
Order ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!’
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Covenant Eyes
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According to Beyond the Porn Phenomenon, women are 3x more likely to say porn use of a partner makes them feel that their spouse doesn’t care about them. Dr. Barbara Steffens helps break down why porn use connects so acutely to the relationship for women, shares advice you would give to create change, and why pornography use by one spouse is not a marriage issue but rather an issue that impacts and wounds the marriage. Dr. Barbara Steffens, the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists.
Resources:Order ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!’
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Carol Juergensen Sheets, better known as Carol the Coach, joins the podcast today in part 6 of our deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon. Carol helps us unpack some of the specific stats that impact relationships and gives insight into how the church can support betrayed partners.
Nick, Ashley, and Carol discuss how this research can raise awareness, spark new conversations, and guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing.
This eight episode exploration into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
Resources:Carol's Website
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In part five of our deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon report, we’re joined by Crystal Renaud Day. She is the CEO and Founder of Living on Purpose, as well as the Founder and Executive Director of SheRecovery. Crystal joins the podcast today to share her insights on the new data on pornography use, its impact on young women who struggle, and how this equips the Church to be a safe place for healing. Together, Nick, Ashley, and Crystal explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and providing real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
Resources:Crystal's Website
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In part four of our deep dive into the Beyond the Porn Phenomenon report, we’re joined by Dr. Sean McDowell to discuss the subtle dangers of denial and rationalization around pornography within Christian communities. Dr. McDowell shares insights from his years of research and experience in helping the church engage with this difficult topic. We address questions around why so many feel “comfortable” with their struggles, the vital role of recovery ministries, and how the church can create a compassionate, welcoming space for true transformation. Join us for a conversation that sheds light on a subject too often left in the shadows. Dr. Sean McDowell is a renowned professor, author, apologist, and a contributing voice to Beyond the Porn Phenomenon.
Resources:Sean's Youtube
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Think Biblically Podcast
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Dr. Juli Slattery a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, joins the podcast for part three of our series looking at the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church.
Together, Nick, Ashley, and Juli explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing.
Resources:Order 'Beyond The Porn Phenomenon'
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Daniel Copeland, Senior Lead Researcher of Barna Group, joins the podcast today for the second episode in our 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, they explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing. This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
Resources:Full Episode Video (YouTube)
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David Kinnaman, CEO of Barna Group, joins the podcast today to help kick off an 8-part deep dive into the new data on pornography use, its impact on relationships, mental health, and the Church. Together, with Nick Stumbo and Ashley Jameson, they explore how this research can guide the Church in addressing sexual brokenness and provide real hope for healing.
This eight episode deep dive into Beyond the Porn Phenomenon features the voices of people prominently featured in the report.
Resources:Order 'Beyond The Porn Phenomenon'
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Jenna Riemersma is back again to explore why true healing goes beyond sobriety. This is a deep dive into the role of trauma and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy addresses underlying issues that drive compulsive behaviors. Whether you’re new to recovery or looking to deepen your healing journey, Jenna’s insights will offer fresh perspectives on understanding and embracing the parts of ourselves that carry pain and shame. Don't miss this powerful conversation on moving beyond mere behavior change to experiencing true transformation.
Resources:Jenna's Website
Jenna's Book, Altogether You
Free Meditation App
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Jeanne Vittoni is the president of APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) and joins the podcast to discuss the vital role of partner care in sex addiction recovery.
With over 25 years of experience working with trauma survivors, Jeanne unpacks how understanding trauma symptomatology, setting up safe support systems, and getting proper training can accelerate the healing process.
Jeanne shares her insights on trauma recovery for betrayed partners, why it’s important to address both the addict’s and the partner’s healing, and how proper trauma care can transform a relationship.
Whether you're a struggling addict, a betrayed partner, or a professional wanting to offer better support, this episode will provide valuable strategies for navigating the road to recovery together.
Resources:Full Episode On Youtube
APSATS Website
APSATS Podcast
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse Book
Betrayal Trauma Religious Leaders (BTRL) Training
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Nick is joined by Robert Vander Meer and Matt Wenger to discuss the transformative impact of two-week intensives on sexual addiction recovery. This episode is a deep dive into the TINSA model (Trauma-Induced Sexual Addiction) exploring how intensives help uncover the "why" behind addiction and the importance of addressing both personal trauma and relational healing.
Matt Wenger is the Clinical Director of Boulder Recovery in Boulder, Colorado.
ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Boulder Recovery website
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Today’s guest, Dr. Sheri Keffer, is the author of Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, a therapist, and betrayed partner herself.
Dr. Keffer shares insights on betrayal trauma, healing, and recovery. This episode offers hope and guidance for those facing betrayal or compulsive sexual behaviors. The discussion covers the impact of sexual deception, the importance of truth-telling, and practical steps for partners to rebuild their lives.
ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
Intimate Deception: Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Betrayal
FREE MONTH Of Brave One Community
Betrayal Recovery Roadmap
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Nick and Rodney sit down with Pastor Ryan Oletzke of True Hope Church in Spokane, Washington, to discuss how to start Pure Desire groups in your church, break shame, and build a culture of honesty.
Ryan shares how his church addressed sexual brokenness by launching Pure Desire groups, starting with over 200 people participating in Sexual Integrity 101. He offers practical insights on building a culture of vulnerability, lowering shame, and leading a church to find healing and freedom.
This episode is a must-listen for pastors and church leaders looking to make a real impact in their communities by addressing sexual health and recovery.
RESOURCESFull Episode On Youtube
TrueHope Website
Barna Report Link
How to Start Pure Desire Groups brochure.
Parent Training Course
Sexual Integrity 101
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This episode explores the challenges young people face today, including mental health issues, pornography, and the impact of growing up in the digital age.
Ben Bennett, leader of the Resolution Movement, shares his experience connecting with Gen Z through social media and offering hope, freedom, and healing through the message of Christ. Join Nick Stumbo, John Begeman, and Ben as they discuss how curiosity, compassion, and authentic relationships can help guide this generation toward healthy sexuality and mental well-being.
ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
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Today, we’re welcoming Louie Kazemier to the podcast. Louie is a longtime friend of Pure Desire and opens up about confronting childhood trauma, overcoming resistance to group therapy, and finding freedom from compulsive sexual behavior. His story is a testament to the power of vulnerability, community, and God’s grace in the healing process.
Whether you’re on your own recovery journey or supporting someone else, this episode offers hope and encouragement. Tune in to hear Louie’s inspiring story of transformation.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars of Freedom
The Compassionate Warrior
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Today, Nick Stumbo and Rich Moore explore 10 common mistakes churches make when launching recovery groups. They share practical advice on avoiding pitfalls like isolating or shaming language and the dangers of a quick-fix approach.
This episode is essential for pastors and leaders looking to create and sustain effective, long-lasting recovery groups within their church community.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
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Today, we’re diving into a topic that is often overlooked but crucial to the healing and recovery process—empathy and emotional awareness. We’ll explore the importance of developing empathy, not just for yourself but within relationships, especially in the context of recovery from addiction and healing from betrayal.
Through personal stories, practical advice, and proven tools, we’ll discuss how empathy can be a game-changer in reversing isolation, breaking addiction, and fostering deeper, healthier connections.
Whether you're in recovery, supporting a loved one, or simply looking to improve your relationships, this episode offers valuable insights into building empathy and emotional resilience.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Gottman's Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident
FANOS Checkin:
Help Her Heal workbook
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In this episode, Marnie Ferree, the founder of Bethesda Workshops, courageously shares her journey of healing from sexual abuse and addiction, offering hope and practical insights for anyone on a similar path. This powerful conversation highlights the importance of understanding your story, embracing God’s redemptive power, and finding support in the healing process.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
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Today Nick and Rodney discuss powerful insights on how to approach the conversation around sexuality in the church with love and grace. They emphasize the importance of sharing your personal journey without shame, offering support to church leaders, and fostering a more open and healing environment.
Whether you're a church leader or a congregation member, this episode provides practical advice on creating positive change in your community. Discover how to engage in meaningful conversations that lead to transformation.
Don't forget to subscribe, share this episode, and leave a review to help others start their healing journey.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
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God has the ability to redeem even the darkest times.
Dr. Steffens takes a deep dive into the healing and recovery process following betrayal—focused mostly on the betrayed partner but also on how the betrayer can help the process. You will be encouraged and gain hope for the future! There is a proven path and essential tools for healing and growth, when we invite God to do what only He can do: REDEEM.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
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Recovery doesn’t have to feel like solitary confinement.
As with many areas of our lives, we need others to walk alongside us, to encourage and support us. And this is especially true when it comes to our recovery and healing journey.
Today we’re revisiting Nate Larkin’s session from the 2023 Pure Desire Summit to learn what it looks like to redefine recovery as a team sport. In community is where recovery happens best.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
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The moment of discovery in a marriage or relationship is crushing. The exposure of sexual addiction or unfaithfulness wrecks the relationship. Is there any hope to rebuild? Should we even rebuild? On today's episode, we're joined by Traci Wright (Pure Desire Clinician). Traci knows firsthand the damage the discovery of sexual betrayal does. But she also knows the healing power of Jesus and walking a recovery and healing journey. With Traci's help, we talk through what it looks like to rebuild our lives after discovery.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP)
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
Pure Desire Summit
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Vicki and Johnny Greenfield are legends in the Pure Desire community! Today, we get to hear their story of healing. Starting with how sexuality was discussed in their homes, moving to sexual brokenness and how it entered their lives, and then moving to how God healed them and their marriage—their story is powerful! Not only will you be encouraged by their story of healing, but you will be inspired by how God is using them in their heart to help other hurting couples. Enjoy the Greenfield's story—it's incredible!
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP)
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
Pure Desire Summit
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Today's episode addresses a listener's question—how to manage betrayal triggers. Most of us are aware of triggers for those struggling with addictive or compulsive sexual behavior. But are there such a thing as betrayal triggers? The answer is an emphatic YES! Ashley Jameson joins us to discuss what betrayal triggers are, how to identify them, how to bring healing to them, and what couples can do to help each other navigate triggers.
RESOURCESFULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (WOMEN’S BETRAYAL RESOURCE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
RELAPSE PREVENTION PLAN (3 CIRCLES TOOL)
ASSOCIATION OF PARTNERS OF SEX ADDICTS TRAUMA SPECIALISTS
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We have a very SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT on today's episode! Pure Desire is partnering with one of the most influential research firms in the world to bring forth new statistics on the impact of pornography in the church. We're joined by Heather Kolb and Ashley Jameson (hosts of our newest show, Unfiltered) to discuss the origins of this research project, our hopes for this new data, some of the initial findings of the research, and how to get this information in your hands (including a launch event you won't want to miss)!
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Barna Launch Event (REGISTER NOW)
Pure Desire Summit
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Significant relational injury occurs at the moment of discovery. One spouse finally feels free because the truth of their addiction or infidelity is out in the open. The other partner feels buried with trauma and has to reinterpret every aspect of their relationship history. On today’s episode, we are joined by Dr. Jake Porter (licensed therapist and founder, president, and CEO of Daring Ventures). Dr. Jake helps us talk through the relational injury caused by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. We discuss what both spouses need after relational injury and how to fully heal from it.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Daring Ventures (Dr. Jake's Organization)
Dr. Jake Porter's YouTube Channel
Pure Desire Counseling
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS)
Pure Desire Disclosure Counseling
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Many of us who grew up in the church experienced purity culture—a significant emphasis on sexual purity, especially with young people. While purity culture had good motivations, it has caused its fair share of damage—shame, guilt, and trauma. On today’s episode, we are joined by Katherine Gallagher, the Executive Director of GoStrategic, an author and speaker on the topic of sexual purity. Katherine discusses the good, the bad, and the ugly of purity culture.
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Addiction can be challenging to wrap our head around. What is addiction? How did this happen? Why me? Robert Vander Meer is on the podcast today to discuss the image and behavior of a cyclone and how this metaphor is helpful in understanding how and why addiction shows up in our life.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Bob Newhart “Stop It” Video
Cyclone of Addiction (from Pillar Six, Lesson One of Seven Pillars of Freedom)
Pure Desire Groups
Pure Desire Counseling
FASTER Scale
Three Circles Tool
Escape Plan
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Matt Dobschuetz, host of Porn Free Radio and founder of Recovered Man, is back on the show today!
Today, we talk about edging—non-relapse behaviors that follow our addictive patterns. We talk about what qualifies as edging, how to become more aware of any edging behaviors, the importance of check-ins with our community or group, and how to address these behaviors when we see them.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Groups
Three Circles
FASTER Scale
Porn Free Radio
Recovered Man
Seven Pillars Of Freedom
The Compassionate Warrior
Unraveled
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Helping the next generation is not only about teaching what NOT TO DO. It also includes teaching them what TO DO.
On today’s episode, we’re joined by Barb Winters, founder of HopefulMom.net and author of Sexpectations.
Barb talks us through her experience in helping her children break free of pornography addiction and equipping them with the tools they need for healthy relationships. Barb speaks from her personal experience: as a parent not knowing where to start and now an expert in the area of equipping parents to help their kids.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Sexpectations (Barb’s Book)
Barb’s Website
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It’s here—a NEW group resource for single women!
What does it look like to live sexually healthy as a single woman?
Today, authors Heather Kolb and Ashley Jameson join us to talk through our new resource for single women, Authentically You.
They talk through who is the target audience, what makes Authentically You unique, the differences between this new resource and other resources we have for women, and much more!
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Behind the Mask (Recovery Resource for Student Women)
Unraveled (Recovery Resource for Married Women)
Authentically You (Recovery Resource for Single/Unmarried Women)
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“Separation” is usually a swear word for church folk.
This is understandable when it’s done wrong. But separation can actually be a healthy tool used for the restoration of a marriage.
Today, we’re joined by a Pure Desire Clinician, Eileen Fagan, who defines a healthy or “therapeutic” separation and the benefits it can give a struggling couple. We talk through natural hesitations or fears with marital separation, when NOT to separate, and the importance of professional help and support in marital separations.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Safety Action Plan
Recovery Action Plan For Addicts
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When Christians are faced with the word “addiction,” there can be a significant reaction against something we don’t see clearly in Scripture. The word “addiction” doesn’t naturally seem to fit into our theological framework.
Today, we’re joined by author and speaker, Ben Bennett, to give us a new framework for reconciling addiction and theology. We explore how Scripture speaks directly to addiction, how to integrate psychology and theology, and how the recovery and healing journey can enhance our faith in Jesus.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Free To Thrive (Book)
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The term “mental health” can be fuzzy. Are we talking about anxiety? Depression? Something more? All of the above?
Ben Bennett joins us today to talk about the connection between viewing pornography and mental health issues. Ben speaks of porn’s role in his personal battle with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations and how recovery impacts our mental health, our faith in Jesus, and our ability to follow Him.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale
Seven Pillars of Freedom
Unraveled
Online Groups
Local Groups
Unwanted (Book)
Two Roads (John Lynch)
Pure Desire Counseling
Free To Thrive (Book)
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We all know communication is important. But what does healthy communication look like for a couple on the recovery and healing journey? Shari Chinchen, a Pure Desire Clinician, joins us today to discuss what makes communication healthy or unhealthy. We also discuss how to keep healthy communication a priority AND how to train our kids for healthy communication in their relationships.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
The Four Horsemen (Blog by Gottman Institute)
Pure Desire Counseling
FASTER Scale
Pure Desire Summit
Connected
Keep your Love On (Danny Silk)
Family Values Exercise
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Many men who’ve been through the Pure Desire recovery process have asked, “What’s after Seven Pillars of Freedom?” Well, today’s episode is all about answering this question. Clinician and speaker, Robert Vander Meer, joins us to talk about our new resource, The Compassionate Warrior (to which Robert contributed). We talk through what this resource is, how it helps men see their life and recovery through the lens of “story,” and how it helps create a lasting legacy of health.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
The Compassionate Warrior
Seven Pillars of Freedom
Hero With A Thousand Faces (Joseph Campbell)
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Today, we get to hear from Robert Nelson and Annie Burt (staff members at Faith Chapel in Billings, Montana). Robert and Annie talk us through their journey of implementing Pure Desire groups and resources at Faith Chapel. We talk through initial hurdles, challenges they’ve faced, the fruit they’re seeing from their efforts, and lots in between.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled
Sexual Integrity 101
Conquer Series (Soul Refiner)
Seven Pillars of Freedom
Group Leader Training
Fearless Series
Immanuel Garraway (Church Relations Specialist)
Connected
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Free Tools
Have PD Come Speak
Pure Desire Summit
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Today’s episode is one of our favorites! We have another Frequently Asked Questions episode where you, the listener, has sent in topical questions for us to discuss. We are joined by Traci Wright, one of our beloved clinicians, to talk about idolizing recovery, anniversaries of trauma, disclosure in dating and engagement, and more.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Connected
Pure Desire Counseling
FREE 15 Minute Counseling Consultation
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
SA
Cliff & Joyce Penner
IITAP
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Though true healing and freedom from sexual addiction and brokenness is possible, it doesn’t mean the journey will be easy. The world we live in is still hyper-sexualized and full of things that can pull us away from health. On today’s episode, we talk about slippery slopes—areas or aspects of our lives that can be problematic in our sexual health. And there may be some that surprise you! We talk about what can be a slippery slope, how to be mindful of them, and what to do to ensure we don’t slide back down the hill of unhealth.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale
Three Circles
Thoughts/Feelings Log
Crash Site Analysis
Tech Action Plan
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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is often associated with major trauma—wartime experiences, rape, and abuse. Studies increasingly show that PTSD is also experienced by betrayed partners. Rather than ignore or minimize it, let’s do something about it.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond
Dr. Steffens Research
Stress Index
The Body Keeps The Score
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For those who regularly listen to the show, we have a return guest. This guy has shared his story about the journey from porn star to a pastor.
Today, we’re excited to have Joshua Broome back on the show to talk about his new book, 7 Lies That Will Ruin Your Life. We talk through all seven lies, identifying how they impact sexual brokenness and disrupt our healing. We also discuss some initial steps we can take to combat these lies and reclaim God’s truth in our lives.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
7 Lies That Will Ruin Your Life (Joshua’s book)
Joshua’s TikTok
Joshua’s Twitter
Joshua’s Instagram
Share The King (Joshua’s Ministry)
Joshua’s Website
Killing Kryptonite (John Bevere’s book)
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We know sex trafficking exists in our world and is a growing problem. But it’s not something that’s talked about in many faith communities.
On today’s episode, we’re going to talk about it! We’re thrilled to have Matt McCaulley and Kevin Whisman on the show: two guys who have spent the last few years writing, directing, and producing a full-length feature film called unDEFILED. We’ll talk about Pure Desire’s involvement in creating a follow-up study to the film and how sex trafficking is connected to sexual brokenness.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Light of Life Films (LOLF)
UnDefiled Movie
Living UnDEFILED (Follow Up Study)
LOLF socials
https://www.facebook.com/lightoflifefilms
https://www.facebook.com/undefiledmovie
UnDEFILED trailer (YouTube)
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“Just wait until I get married, then it will all get better.” These words have either been said or thought by many of us in the church. We assume being married and having sex with our spouse will rid us of our sexual brokenness or compulsive behaviors. Unfortunately, this is a myth.
On today’s episode, our Clinical Director, Tyler Chinchen, joins us to talk through why this myth exists, the damage it creates, and how to work against it.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars of Freedom
Unraveled
Betrayal & Beyond
Pure Desire Counseling
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When addiction, brokenness, and betrayal enter a marriage, it can significantly impact a couple’s sexual relationship. Unfortunately, sexual brokenness and betrayal are not the only things that can hijack a couple’s sex life.
On today’s episode, we’re joined by Brent and Nicole Breining, who are part of the Pure Desire family. Brent, a clinician for Pure Desire, and his wife, Nicole, share how some major life events limited their sexual relationship. They talk through how to stay committed and connected, specifically in the area of sex, in sickness and in health.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond
PD Counseling
Full Disclosure Process (product)
Connected
Genesis Process
Eight Dates (John Gottman book)
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For many of us who are on the recovery and healing journey, understanding the full scope of intimacy can be confusing. If you’re in this camp, you won’t want to miss this episode! We are excited to have Phil and Priscilla Fretwell on the show today! They are co-founders of Savage Marriage Ministries and authors of Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction —their story of addiction, betrayal, and freedom that they use to help others find healing. They join us to talk through the order of intimacy, what intimacy is, the different types of intimacy, and how it transformed their lives and relationships.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Savage Marriage Ministries
Savage Marriage Book
FASTER Scale (Tool)
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Relapse is returning to the place we promised God, ourselves, or others we wouldn’t go back to. So preventing relapse is a worthy goal. But can relapse be prevented proactively and practically? The answer: yes. On today’s episode, Mike Maxwell leverages his many years in recovery and leading Pure Desire groups to help us learn tools and techniques for preventing relapse.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
The Compassionate Warrior
Three Circles (Tool)
FASTER Scale (Tool)
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It’s difficult to understate the importance of community in recovery. But honesty in community isn’t easy. It requires intention and a willingness to be fully known. Dishonesty leads to shame and isolation. Honesty leads to freedom. Brent Breining, a Pure Desire Clinician, joins us today to discuss how to break secrecy, how to be honest in daily life, and why this actually matters.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Recovery Resource For Women
Recovery Resource For Men
Resource for Betrayed Spouses (Women)
FASTER Scale
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Unprocessed trauma has a way of making itself known. Triggers reveal areas in our life where something isn’t quite right. If we’re not willing to address these areas, they can become a major obstacle in our relationships, workplace advancement, and breaking free from addiction. Heather Kolb is on the podcast today to talk about how the brain processes trauma and how we heal from trauma.
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Altogether You (Book)
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Shame is often used as a motivator. But shame only motivates us to do one thing: hide. Shame causes us to hide because we start to believe the lie that our mistakes and missteps are proof that we are disqualified to receive love and acceptance. But Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection are evidence of the immense worth and value of humans. Rodney Wright joins us today to talk about why shame perpetuates the cycle of addiction and how we can break free from its grip.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Recovery Resource For Women
Recovery Resource For Men
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Solitude is an intentional time alone for renewal and centering yourself on God. Isolation is a pattern of disengaging from or intentionally not engaging in relationship with others. In this episode, we identify what isolation is, how it’s different from solitude, and why isolation is like gasoline on the addictive fire.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Recovery Resource For Women
Recovery Resource For Men
Three Circles
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When we get toward the end of the year, setting new goals perpetually comes up. Why is this? And how can we create goals we’ll actually stick to? Our clinical director, Tyler Chinchen, joins us on today’s episode to talk about yearly goals, how to set them, how to maintain them, and why they matter on the recovery and healing journey.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
The Compassionate Warrior
Unraveled Kit (Resource for women who struggle)
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Self-care isn’t selfish. Yet, establishing rhythms of self-care can impact the people around us both positively and negatively. If we want to practice proactive self-care, it will require an intentional, thought-out plan that is communicated to our loved ones. Kelly Johnston, our Online Women's Groups Coordinator, is on the podcast today discussing how to maintain self-care, how to find things that qualify as self-care, and why all of this is especially important during the holiday season.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Kelly Johnston’s Email
Kelly’s Blog On Shalom
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What is it about the holiday season that makes conflict more likely? It seems inevitable. So how can we engage in conflict in a healthy way? In today’s episode, Ashley Jameson helps unpack strategies for healthy conflict (even if you’re conflict-avoidant), how to help our loved ones engage in healthy conflict, and why this matters to our recovery.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Necessary Endings (Dr. Henry Cloud’s Book)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
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The holidays are packed with clashing expectations in relationships. Assertiveness is one of the tools we can use to navigate these challenging situations. Being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive—it simply means clearly communicating your needs to others. In this episode, Heather Kolb joins us to discuss how to be assertive, the benefits of being assertive about your needs, and how to navigate the moments when someone might respond negatively.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Episode 154 – Recovery Tools: Double Bind (Pure Desire Podcast)
Episode 192 – Tools For Betrayal: Commitment to Change & Double Bind (Pure Desire Podcast)
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This week’s episode wraps up our “oldy but goody” episodes. Today, we revisit our conversation with Heather Kolb on a healthy sex life. Everyone wants a healthy sex life. Period. But what does it actually mean to have one? How often should married couples have sex? What qualifies as good sex? How do you improve the health of your sex life? We talk about ALL of this on today’s episode.
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We’re in week two of our three-week “oldy but goody” series of episodes. We revisit our conversation with Ashley Jameson on making a better Commitment to Change. The Commitment to Change (CTC) is a weekly tool that Pure Desire groups use on the road to recovery. But how do we unlock the vast potential of this tool? What makes a CTC effective? How can it help us develop holistic health? Listen in to find out!
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This episode starts three weeks of “oldy but goody” episodes from the podcast. This week, we revisit our conversation with our founder, Dr. Ted Roberts on father wounds. We discuss what a father wound is, how it compares to a mother wound, and how to recognize if you have one. We also talk through where in Scripture we see the father wound, how we address it, and how not to pass it on to our kids.
Note: In some cases, it’s necessary to process trauma and wounds with the help of a clinician. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation with one of our clinicians to explore if this might be a good next step in your healing journey.
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When discovery happens in a marriage, a bomb goes off. Life is shattered into a million pieces and you question, “Is redemption even possible?” Author of the new book, Happily Even After, Dannah Gresh, joins us on the podcast today. She answers that question emphatically, “YES!” Redemption is not only possible, but probable when God is central in a marriage AND both partners are getting the proper help they need.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Happily Even After (Book)
Dannah’s Books
Dannah’s Website
Juli Slattery’s Website
Rethinking Sexuality Podcast Series
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Churches new to Pure Desire and interested in launching groups often face hurdles and feel intimidated. Yet, there are hundreds of churches helping men and women find hope and healing through Pure Desire groups. In this episode, Eastview Church leadership shares the challenges they still face, how many groups they’re currently running (Note: it’s lower than you’d expect for a large church), and why they’ve seen the success they’ve seen.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Brain, Heart, World (FTND)
Group Leader Training
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Living Free (Young Adult Recovery Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Soul Refiner (Formerly Known As Conquer Series)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Church Membership
Team 58
Find a CSAT/PSAP (IITAP Website)
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Marriage, Relationships, & Sex w/ Les Parrott (Pure Desire Podcast)
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We teach our kids how to clean their teeth and eat food. Yet when it comes to teaching healthy sexuality, we often feel lost. Author Kristen Jenson has worked to help parents teach their kids about the dangers of pornography, how to navigate these tough conversations as they come up, and how kids can “forget” things they’ve seen.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures (book)
Brain Defense: Digital Safety (course)
Kristen’s Website
Kristen’s Books
How To Talk To Your Kids About Pornography (Free Download)
Healthy Sex vs. Porn Sex: 7 Crucial Comparisons to Teach Your Kid
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex (Pure Desire Book)
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Some people have a difficult time reconciling therapy with their faith. They see it as personal weakness at best and distance from God at worst. But Christians who become healthy through counseling are a gift to the world! Rodney Wright is on the podcast today sharing about how he found a counselor, how the experience impacted his faith and relationships, and gives practical advice for anyone considering entering into therapy.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Counseling
Pure Desire Free Consultation - 503-489-0230
Out of the Shadows (Patrick Carnes Book)
Find A Local PSAP/CSAT (IITAP Website)
Find An APSATS Trained Specialist
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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
Milestones are really important to those recovering from addiction or healing from betrayal trauma. But Milestones aren’t always helpful or beneficial. In this episode, Ashley Jameson joins us to discuss how to identify and measure milestones, which milestones might be particularly dangerous, and which milestones fly under the radar but should really be celebrated.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Find A Pure Desire Group
Pure Desire Online Groups
FASTER Scale
FANOS Check-in
Bicycle Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Challenge Coin
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
Everyone has a story that is uniquely theirs. When we hear someone’s story we begin to understand how pain and trauma entered their life. We can connect the dots in their story from pain to healing and realize–we’re not alone. If they can heal, so can I. John Begeman joins us today to discuss a three category approach to sharing our story, when and how to share, and why it even matters.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Unwanted (Jay Stringer’s Book)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Pure Desire Counseling
Pure Desire Podcasts/Blogs On Sharing Your Story:
- PODCAST: Episode 316 - The Power of Sharing Our Story w/ Ashley Sears
- PODCAST: Episode 121 - 5 Tips On Sharing Your Story
- BLOG: Sharing Your Story
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
Relapse can happen anytime. Whether you’re in year two or 25 of recovery. In The Compassionate Warrior, this is attributed to 5 Brain Bugs. Rich Moore joins us today to discuss what these 5 Brain Bugs are, how to identify them, and what it looks like to address them.
RESOURCES
Full Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale
1 Peter 5:8
The Compassionate Warrior
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Prerequisite to The Compassionate Warrior)
Pure Desire Online Groups
The Soul of Shame w/ Curt Thompson (Episode 163 of Pure Desire Podcast)
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
When your spouse doesn’t want to have sex, you likely feel alone and lost. When you’re the one who is uninterested in sex, you may not even understand why. However, in a healthy marriage where addiction and betrayal aren’t present, sex is a beautiful gift. This episode with Heather Kolb gets into the challenging questions about how, when, and why people may be living in a sexless marriage and what they can do about it.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale
FANOS Check-in
Emotion Wheel
Pure Desire Counseling
Connected
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
It’s common for people to think they can recover from their addiction or stop their behaviors on their own. Unfortunately, that just isn’t how recovery works. Community is a necessity for lasting healing and freedom. Harry Flanagan joins us today to debunk this myth and provide a path for those struggling with this harmful belief.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Summit
Online Groups
Pure Desire Counseling
In this episode, we talked about the theme of the Pure Desire Summit 2023, From The Heart. Why we chose this theme, its importance to the recovery journey, why people should attend, and more. We hope you’re planning to join us online or in-person for our biggest event of the year!
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Summit
If you ask 1000 people what it means to be masculine, you’ll likely get 1000 different answers. Masculinity is often associated with strength, anger, and dominance. But that’s not at all how Jesus modeled masculinity. Nancy Pearcey is back with us to discuss differences between toxic masculinity and biblical masculinity and compare James Bond with Jesus.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Nancy’s Website
The Toxic War on Masculinity: How Christianity Reconciles the Sexes (Nancy’s Book)
Love Thy Body (Nancy’s Book)
When to Walk Away (Book)
Fool Proofing Your Life (Book)
Boundaries (Book)
When Good Men Behave Badly (Book)
Seven Pillars of Freedom Kit (Men’s Addiction Recovery)
The Compassionate Warrior Kit (Seven Pillars Follow-up Resource)
Pure Desire Summit
Emotional awareness and emotional intelligence go hand-in-hand. But emotional intelligence can feel elusive. In today’s episode, Heather Kolb helps us understand how to grow in emotional intelligence and its importance in the recovery process.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
FASTER Scale (Free Tool)
Many parents have a genuine desire to teach their kids how to navigate their sexuality in a way that is more helpful than they were taught. But most parents don’t even know where or how to begin talking with their kids about sex. This episode with Rodney and Traci Wright is packed with practical examples and advice, resources to protect kids and grow personally, and the encouragement parents have been looking for.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner (Website)
Defend Young Minds (Website)
Space At The Table (Book)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures (Book)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. (Book)
Learn About Sex Series (Book Series)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Culture Reframed (Website)
Protect Young Eyes (Website)
Josh was no stranger to the limelight as a worship leader and musician. But being caught with pornography was a type of exposure that wasn't invited. Yet it was the beginning of a journey toward true healing and freedom that ultimately impacted his entire family. Josh and Shawna Putnam share their story of healing, what they learned along the way, and the new ministry that it is fueling for both of them.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Josh’s Music (Spotify)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
FASTER Scale (Free Tool)
Recovery Tools: FASTER Scale (Pure Desire Podcast)
Tools For Betrayal: FASTER Scale (Pure Desire Podcast)
The concept of reparenting your inner child strikes people in different ways. Some are skeptical and others are raving fans of the approach. On today’s podcast, we’re joined by Dr. Eddie Capparucci to discuss his work in this area. We talk about the importance of reparenting your inner child, the relationship of faith and psychology in this area, and more.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Why Men Struggle To Love (Eddie’s Book)
Going Deeper
Eddie’s website
Pure Desire Online Groups
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men’s Addiction Resource)
Unraveled (Women’s Addiction Resource)
Healing Your Inner Child w/ Drew Boa (Pure Desire Podcast)
Our stories have incredible power. But why is that? What is it about sharing our stories that is so impactful? On today’s episode, we are joined by the founder of Stories Unveiled, Ashley Sears. Ashley helps us understand why stories are so powerful, how to find the courage to share them, and the healing stories carry for us all.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Stories Unveiled Conference (Ashley's Conference)
Stories Unveiled Facebook Page
Stories Unveiled Instagram Page
Stories Of Healing: Asher & Ashley Sears (Podcast)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Relationships are at the center of each part of our lives. And few things impact our relationships like unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In this episode, best-selling author, speaker, and professor, Dr. Les Parrott joins us with practical tools to create fulfillment in our relationships. We talk about trends in dating and marriage relationships, when and how to share our history with our partner, and how to improve communication around sex and everything else.
RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube)
Loveology.com
Symbis Assessment (Marriage Resource)
BetterLove.com
Crazy About Sex (Les' Book)
5 Love Languages (Gary Thomas' Book)
Relationships are at the center of each part of our lives. And few things impact our relationships like unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In this episode, best-selling author, speaker, and professor, Dr. Les Parrott joins us with practical tools to create fulfillment in our relationships. We talk about trends in dating and marriage relationships, when and how to share our history with our partner, and how to improve communication around sex and everything else.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Loveology.com
Symbis Assessment (Marriage Resource)
BetterLove.com
Crazy About Sex (Les' Book)
5 Love Languages (Gary Thomas' Book)
Churches and volunteers passionate about Pure Desire Groups face a number of challenges when starting out. Today, Rodney Wright joins us to share best practices from his experience launching and maintaining a thriving Pure Desire Groups ministry. From preaching tips to managing group members from other churches to navigating a leadership team that isn’t open to a “recovery ministry,” this episode has it all.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist—CSAT (IITAP Certification)
Pastoral Sexual Addiction Professional—PSAP (IITAP Certification)
Pure Desire Summit (Event)
As new research emerges and becomes mainstream, it’s important that our approach remains current. This is the heart behind the recent update to our resource for women, Betrayal & Beyond. In this episode, Heather Kolb and Ashley Jameson share the “why” behind the update, they highlight the major changes (and what stayed the same), and who should go through this updated resource.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond Kit—including NEW video companion (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond Online Groups
APSATS
A Partner Sensitive Approach To Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (Podcast)
Women's Takeover #1: Healing From Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Connected (Marriage Resource)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Pornography undermines every ministry in a local church. Sam Black, author of The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography And How To Fix It (GIVEAWAY IN SHOW NOTES), joins us to take an honest look at the harmful effects of ignoring unwanted sexual behavior in the church. This episode is packed with practical ways that churches can begin to meet the real need that exists within their congregations.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
FREE COPY of The Healing Church (First 50 get book for free)
FREE Intro/Chapter 1 of The Healing Church
Covenant Eyes (Accountability Software)
Unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma have a profound impact on the brain. But the brain is amazing and can be rewired! Heather Kolb joins us for this episode with tips and tools for rewiring our brain sexually. We discuss why rewiring our brain after sexual addiction is uniquely challenging, how long we should expect this process to take, and who else should be involved.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Sexual Integrity 101
Groups
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Resource For Struggling Men)
Unraveled (Resource For Struggling Women)
Betrayal & Beyond (Resource For Betrayed Women)
FASTER Scale (Tool)
Three Circles (Tool)
Sobriety Plan (Tool)
Blog On Gratitude
Great Sex Rescue (Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Book)
Plucky (Accountability Software)
Launching Pure Desire groups at your church can feel intimidating at first. In this episode, we start a new series: Stories From The Church. Our first episode in this new series, we spoke with the team responsible for successfully implementing groups at Petra Church in Pennsylvania. We learned how they overcame some of the most common hurdles churches face, how they train and recruit leaders, and reflect on some of the success they’ve enjoyed over the years.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Summit
Conquer Series/a>
Sexual Integrity 101
Group Leader Training
Pure Desire Clinical Program
Living Free
Unraveled (Resource For Struggling Women)
Groups
How to Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Betrayal & Beyond (Resource For Betrayed Women)
Church Membership
Fearless Series (James Reeves)
Confidentiality is critically important in the group setting. So is protecting victims and vulnerable populations through mandatory reporting. On today’s episode, we talk with Rich Moore about how to strike a balance between confidentiality and mandated reporting, how to proactively protect the group, and the process of reporting if and when necessary. Finally, we explored the positive outcomes that mandated reporting can have on the people involved.
SHOW NOTES Full Episode Video (YouTube) Group Leader Training Church Law & Tax Child Welfare Information Gateway Memo of understanding Stories of Healing: Rich Moore (Podcast Episode)
The path from an award-winning porn star to a pastor just doesn’t make sense. But that’s the path God paved for our guest today, Joshua Broome (cofounder of Share the King). We talk to Joshua about how he got into performing porn, how God rescued him, and God is using him as a speaker, pastor, influencer, and podcast host to help people follow Jesus and live with sexual integrity.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Joshua’s Website
Joshua’s TikTok
Joshua’s Twitter
Joshua’s Instagram
Share The King (Joshua’s Ministry)
Pure Desire Online Groups (for men and women struggling or betrayed)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (for struggling men)
Unraveled (for struggling women)
The devastation created through betrayal trauma can turn a partner’s world upside down and impact them in a way they never imagined. But what does healing from betrayal trauma look like if your spouse is in a public position—doctor, teacher, police officer, judge, or pastor? Today, we’re joined by Michelle Stumbo (married to Nick Stumbo, the Executive Director for Pure Desire). We talk through what healing from betrayal looks like when your husband is the pastor. What tools and boundaries are necessary, how it impacts kids and healing as a family, the obstacles you may face, and even how the group experience might look a little different.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Pure Desire Counseling
The more we seek to understand the factors that impact sexual brokenness, the more we recognize how racism can be a contributing factor. But how does racism impact sexual brokenness? On today’s episode, we’re joined by Immanuel and Michelle Garraway, who share their experiences with racism and the role it played in their recovery and healing journey. We talk through how family of origin and harmful intergenerational messages can become a catalyst for sexual brokenness, and how owning your story and the group experience can become a safe place for people of color.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Online Groups
When a couple experiences the fallout of sexual brokenness and betrayal trauma, we desire healing and restoration of their marriage. Yet, we know in some cases, separation is necessary. And sometimes, divorce happens. We’re joined by Andrea Rogers, a Certified Life Coach who is passionate about helping people reach their full potential. Andrea is also a Certified Partner Coach with APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), trained in using the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, which was instrumental in her healing from betrayal trauma. On today’s episode, we talk about divorce—when to consider it, what boundaries are needed, how to help kids through the effects of divorce, and more.
We know not only men look at porn. In fact, it’s been suggested that the fastest-growing demographic of porn users is women. And teen girls are getting caught up in the allure of pornography. On today’s episode, we’re joined by Crystal Renaud Day, an author, speaker, and founding director of She Recovery. Crystal is a pastoral counselor and certified coach with more than 15 years experience helping women overcome porn and sexual addictions. We talk through how and why teen girls get hooked on porn and how parents can become an advocate to help their daughters navigate today’s sexual culture.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
sherecovery.com
In order for true restoration to take place in a marriage, both spouses must heal (especially the betrayed partner). While pursuing their recovery from addiction or unwanted sexual behavior, men often ask, "How can I help my spouse heal?" On today's episode, we are joined by the woman who literally wrote the book on this question. Carol Juergensen Sheets, AKA "Carol the Coach," is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and author who wrote Help Her Heal: An Empathy Workbook For Sex Addicts To Help Their Partners Heal and Help Them Heal: Teaching You Both How to Heal Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal. We talk about how to help our betrayed spouse heal, the importance of empathy, and how to have effective communication throughout the healing journey.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Help Her Heal (Carol's book)
Help Them Heal (Carol's book)
Unleashing Your Power (Carol's Book)
Sex Help With Carol The Coach (Carol's Website)
Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (IITAP Certification)
Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (IITAP Certification)
APSATS (Betrayal Organization)
The California Center for Healing (Bill & Ginger Bercaw's Organization)
The Intimacy Pyramid (Dan Drake's Organization)
One of the most meaningful tools we use on the recovery journey is called a personal promise (once called a prophetic promise). This tool helps us connect a truth we see from God's word and connect it with an experience in our life. Fusing the right and left brain together is powerful. On today's episode, we discuss how we use these promises on our recovery journey, what makes them effective, how to create your own, and more.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale (Tool)
Recovery is not a journey we do alone. Though the work is specific to us, we need a safe, trusted community around us to ensure the work of recovery sticks! On today’s episode, we’re joined by our Clinical Director, Tyler Chinchen, to discuss the four different roles/people we need with us on the recovery journey. We identify these four people/roles and talk through why they are so necessary in our recovery journey.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Join A Pure Desire Group
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Two Roads (John Lynch's Trueface Message)
The Pure Desire Podcast has officially entered the 300s! To celebrate, we've got some special stuff for you. A role reversal, a massive giveaway, the future of the show, our favorites from the last 100 episodes, and ministry updates.
Join us for this milestone! 300 down. At least another 300 to go!
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Enter $300 Giveaway
Oftentimes, the recovery journey begins with crisis. Pornography or unwanted sexual behavior negatively impacts our lives and relationships and we know change is needed. But as the recovery journey progresses, crisis can diminish. When that happens, motivation for the journey changes. Today, we’re joined by Ben Bennett (leader of Resolution Movement and author of Free To Thrive and Living Free) to talk through how recovery changes after the first year. We talk through the shift from a sobriety mindset to overall health, how motivation changes, the imporatnce of self-care, and tools necessary for long-term sexual health.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Resolution Movement (Ben's organization)
Free To Thrive (Ben's book)
Living Free (Recovery Resource for College-Aged Men)
Top Gun (Recovery Resource for Teenage Boys)
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource for Men/Women)
Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr. (Parenting book)
Unwanted (Jay Stringer's book)
FASTER Scale (Emotional Awareness & Relapse Prevention Tool)
Three Circles (Relapse Prevention Tool)
A significant challenge men and women face in recovery is image management—the attempt to control how they are perceived by others. This can be even more challenging for those in the church. Today, we're joined by Nate Larkin (founder of Samson Society and author of Samson and the Pirate Monks) to discuss what motivates this desire for image management. We talk about how to identify when we slip into image management, the pitfalls of it, and ways we can avoid or step out of image management.
It seems inevitable that another high-profile Christian leader or pastor will have a public moral failing. Many of these moral failings are in the area of sexual brokenness. Today, we're joined by Randy Alcorn, the best-selling author of Heaven, Happiness, and The Purity Principle, to discuss why these failings continue to happen. Randy helps us understand what contributes to the fall of high-profile leaders, how churches can recover and heal, and how to prevent this in the future of the church.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Eternal Perspective Ministries (Randy's organization)
Randy Alcorn's Books
A common assumption in the church is, "soul good, body bad." But on today's episode, our guest, Professor Nancy Pearcey, flips this idea on its head. Nancy shares perspectives from her book, Love Thy Body, where she addresses beliefs we commonly adopt in the church and identifies how damaging they can be—specifically, beliefs about our bodies and our sexuality. Nancy helps us understand how a high view of our body and sexuality can help us flourish inside God's plan for our life.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Love Thy Body (Nancy's book)
The Toxic War On Masculinity (Nancy's book)
Counseling is incredibly beneficial, especially when it comes to the recovery and healing journey in marriage. On today's episode, we talk to Bill & Eileen Fagan (two Pure Desire Clinicians) about how counseling helps marriages. We discuss why counseling can be so beneficial, the benefits of couples being counseled together, and how counseling has and continues to save marriages.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Counseling
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
When To Refer To Counseling (Free Tool)
On today's Frequently Asked Questions episode, we're tackling questions about marriage. We talk about reintegrating sex after disclosure, how to talk about and potentially change boundaries, attraction and loss of it, the 5-year relapse, helping our spouse through a trigger, and much more.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
The Great Sex Rescue (Sheila Wray Gregoire's book)
Good Sex, Good Marriage? (Ashley's blog)
Manage Conflict: The Aftermath of a Fight (Gottman Institute blog)
Good Girls Guide To Great Sex (Sheila Wray Gregoire's book)
Good Guys Guide To Great Sex (Sheila Wray & Keith Gregoire's book)
None of us sets out to have an unhealthy marriage. We will never arrive at a healthy marriage, but we can be constantly headed in the direction of health. So, what can we do to ensure our relationship moving closer to health? On today's Valentine's Day episode, we share five habits for healthy marriages. We identify how scheduling time together, sharing our emotions, planning our week, pursuing intimacy (of all kinds), and finding shared passions, can move our marriages in the direction of health.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Connected (Marriage Resource)
Experiencing God (Henry Blackaby's Book)
Realistic Resolutions (Podcast Episode)
Whether it's through our upbringing, social media, or our culture, there is a belief that sexual health in a marriage means LOTS of sex. On today's episode, we identify this belief as a myth. We discuss why we believe this myth and how damaging it is to marriages. We also discuss how a comparison mindset impacts our relationships, how couples can find a healthy frequency of sexual intimacy, and the definition of sexual health in a marriage.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Cliff & Joyce Penner Books (Resources on Healthy Sex)
Pure Desire Counseling
Isolation is a common byproduct of unwanted sexual behavior or pornography addiction. As we continue acting out, shame builds and leads us deeper into isolation. On today's episode, we talk to Chandler Rogers, the Co-Founder and CEO of Relay (an app designed to help people break out of isolation). We discuss with Chandler why we isolate, why isolation is so damaging in recovery, what signs indicate we're beginning to isolate, and how to break out of isolation and live vulnerably with our community. Chandler also shares a bit of his story and how Relay is helping people find healing and freedom from unwanted behaviors.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Relay (Website)
Download Relay App (Google Play)
Download Relay App (iTunes)
Relay on Instagram
Pure Desire Online Groups
Find A Pure Desire Group
Pure Desire Counseling
Pure Desire’s understanding of healing and freedom is built on a family systems model. Without this model, making sense of our story and our healing journey is impossible. This is the fourth and final foundation of Pure Desire’s approach to healing and freedom. In this final Foundations episode, we explain why a family systems model is so effective in helping people take back their lives from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. We discuss how our family of origin shapes our unwanted patterns, why healing for the entire marriage/family is essential for true restoration, and more.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Helping Her Heal (Carol Sheets' Book)
Aftershock (Joann Condie's Book)
The Body Keeps The Score (Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's Book)
Pure Desire groups are at the center of our to approach to healing and freedom. Groups are the primary place of recovery and healing. This is the third of four foundational aspects of our ministry. Everything we do as a ministry funnels into groups for men and women taking back their lives from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In week 3 of our 4-week Foundations series, we discuss our groups approach to healing. We unpack why the group context is so important for true healing and freedom, how Pure Desire groups differ from traditional “accountability groups,” and much more.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Stories of Healing: Rich Moore (Podcast)
Find a Pure Desire Group
Online Groups
Pure Desire (Dr. Ted Roberts' Book)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Pure Desire's approach to healing and freedom is clinically informed. This is the second of four foundational aspects to our ministry. In all of our materials and offerings, we use brain science and therapeutic tools to help men and women take back their lives from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma. In week 2 of our 4-week Foundations series, we unpack what being clinically informedmeans. We discuss how a biblical and clinical approach works together, why research and neuroscience are so important in understanding recovery and healing, how we implement clinical tools and exercises in our materials, and more.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Pure Desire Counseling
Pure Desire is built on four foundational beliefs. The first (and most important) is Pure Desire is biblically based in all we do. Our entire approach to healing and freedom from unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal trauma is rooted in Scripture. In week 1 of our 4-week Foundations series, we explore what it means that Pure Desire is biblically based. We address the common pushback we get of not being "biblical enough," identify where the Bible discusses addictive patterns, how Scripture informs our approach to healing trauma, and much more.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Genesis Process (Michael Dye's Recovery Resource)
Fingerprint of God (Hugh Ross)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Online Groups
Pure Desire Counseling
Without fail, during the week between Christmas and New Year’s, resolutions for change are made. But statistically, these New Year’s resolutions often fail by the time we get one month in. Why is this? In the fourth and final week of our Health For The Holidays series, we talk about making realistic resolutions. We discuss why we make these resolutions to change each year, why they can be so difficult to stick with, what makes them successful, and how to make resolutions we can actually accomplish.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
For those of us in the recovery or healing journey, the term “coping skills” carries a negative connotation. It’s negative coping skills that put us on this journey in the first place. But what if we need coping skills in order to stay healthy during the holiday season? In week three of our Health For The Holidays series, we decipher between healthy and unhealthy coping skills, how to know we’re coping too much, how to communicate our coping skills with others, and what coping skills we’re using to stay healthy this holiday season.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Escape Plan
Exchanging Anxiety For Gratitude (Blog)
The Heart Of Gratitude (Blog)
The True Power Of Gratitude (Blog)
Power Of Gratitude (Podcast)
Each year, around mid-November, we start hearing Christmas music. One sentiment we hear over and over is how the holidays are the “most wonderful time of the year.” However many of us experience the “most emotional time of the year.” Why is the most wonderful time of the year happen to be the most emotional? In week two of our Health For The Holidays series, we talk through why this season is so emotional. We discuss how to manage emotions effectively, how to become more emotionally aware, and how to be emotionally healthy when around others who are not.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale (Free Tool)
3 Circles (Relapse Prevention Tool)
Feelings Wheel (Free Tool)
Staying healthy during the holidays can be challenging. Especially when it comes to navigating family. Being around our family of origin, slipping back into old roles, and working to meet expectations—all difficulties during the holiday season. In week one of our Health For The Holidays series, we talk through why being around family is so challenging during the holidays, why boundaries are important, and how we’re planning to navigate family during this time of year.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
FASTER Scale (Free Tool)
3 Circles Tool (Relapse Prevention Tool)
Home Stress Test (The American Institute of Stress)
If we ever want to live in sexual health, we must know our patterns. This isn't just our patterns of fantasy or sexually acting out. This extends to understanding our digital patterns—how we use technology in unhealthy ways. Today, we are joined by Jason Mathew, founder of LeadMeNot, a digital wellness company. Jason shares his story of sexual brokenness and how recognizing and changing his digital patterns helped him find freedom. We also talk about what digital wellness looks like and how it impacts the recovery and healing journey.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
LeadMeNot (Jason's digital wellness company)
Tech Action Plan (Technology Tool)
Unwanted (Jay Stringer's book)
Wisephone (Techless product)
Three Circles Tool (Relapse Prevention Tool)
When addressing unwanted sexual behavior or any level of sexual brokenness, the language of "addiction" is difficult to accept. What is it that makes something an addiction? What makes it a sexual addiction? To help us understand sexual addiction and its impact, we talk to Dr. Adrian Hickmon, a therapist and the founder of Capstone Treatment Center. We discuss the criteria of an "addiction," why sexual addiction is so damaging, how trauma factors in, how it damages relationships, and what recovery from this addiction looks like. We also get to hear stories from Adrian's clinical work at Capstone.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Capstone Treatment Center (Adrian's organization)
The Urge (Carl Erik Fisher's book)
Don't Call It Love (Dr. Patrick Carnes' book)
IITAP Certifications (PSAP & CSAT)
Life becomes difficult when you lose your job, ministry, community, and home. This is the story of Nate and Maggie Blaylock. Because of Nate’s unwanted sexual behavior and addiction, not only did they have to leave the community they were a part of, they had to completely start over in another city. But that’s not where their story ended. Through their own healing and recovery, God equipped them to be healers in their own right. Listen to today’s Story of Healing to hear how God took them from broken and alone to becoming therapists who help others every day.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
CSAT Certification (IITAP)
PSAP Certification (IITAP)
FASTER Scale (Free Tool)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Join A Local Pure Desire Group
Life becomes difficult when you lose your job, ministry, community, and home. This is the story of Nate and Maggie Blaylock. Because of Nate’s unwanted sexual behavior and addiction, not only did they have to leave the community they were a part of, they had to completely start over in another city. But that’s not where their story ended. Through their own healing and recovery, God equipped them to be healers in their own right. Listen to today’s Story of Healing to hear how God took them from broken and alone to becoming therapists who help others every day.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
CSAT Certification (IITAP)
PSAP Certification (IITAP)
FASTER Scale (Free Tool)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Join A Local Pure Desire Group
Effectively supporting our church’s Pure Desire groups is multi-faceted. The words we use from the stage during a weekend service, the oversight offered to group leaders, and the frequency of announcing groups—these all impact recovery and healing groups in our church. On today’s episode, we’re joined by one of our newest team members, Immanuel Garraway, our Church Relations Specialist. We talk through what to do and not do as we support our groups. We discuss what level of pastoral involvement we encourage. Plus, we talk through resources to help churches run effective, life-changing Pure Desire groups. RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Church Membership
Individual Membership
Group Leader Training (video course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (video course)
Immanuelg@puredesire.org (Immanuel Garraway's contact)
Effectively supporting our church’s Pure Desire groups is multi-faceted. The words we use from the stage during a weekend service, the oversight offered to group leaders, and the frequency of announcing groups—these all impact recovery and healing groups in our church. On today’s episode, we’re joined by one of our newest team members, Immanuel Garraway, our Church Relations Specialist. We talk through what to do and not do as we support our groups. We discuss what level of pastoral involvement we encourage. Plus, we talk through resources to help churches run effective, life-changing Pure Desire groups. RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Church Membership
Individual Membership
Group Leader Training (video course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (video course)
Immanuelg@puredesire.org (Immanuel Garraway's contact)
Sexual love is God’s beautiful creation. But for so many of us, our brokenness negatively impacts it. This past September at the Pure Desire Summit, Dr. Juli Slattery spoke on the four pillars of sexual love and what makes it such a beautiful gift from God. On today’s episode, we feature her Summit breakout session. Dr. Slattery covers how the importance of faithfulness, intimate knowing, sacrificial love, and a passionate celebration of covenant love all impact our sex life.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
2022 Pure Desire Summit Lifetime Access
Authentic Intimacy (Juli's organization)
God, Sex, and Your Marriage (Juli's new book)
Sexual love is God’s beautiful creation. But for so many of us, our brokenness negatively impacts it. This past September at the Pure Desire Summit, Dr. Juli Slattery spoke on the four pillars of sexual love and what makes it such a beautiful gift from God. On today’s episode, we feature her Summit breakout session. Dr. Slattery covers how the importance of faithfulness, intimate knowing, sacrificial love, and a passionate celebration of covenant love all impact our sex life.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
2022 Pure Desire Summit Lifetime Access
Authentic Intimacy (Juli's organization)
God, Sex, and Your Marriage (Juli's new book)
Recovery and healing as a single or unmarried person can often seem confusing. Is there something wrong or lesser about me because I'm not married? What does sexual health look like as a single or unmarried person? On today's frequently asked questions episode, we cover many different aspects of being single or unmarried in recovery and healing. We talk about sexual health and its expression as an unmarried person, what is "too much" to share with a significant other or friends, betrayal trauma as a single person, and A LOT MORE!
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Living Free (College-Aged Men's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Counseling
Relapse Prevention Plan (Free Tool)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Recovery Action Plan (Free Tool)
Recovery and healing as a single or unmarried person can often seem confusing. Is there something wrong or lesser about me because I'm not married? What does sexual health look like as a single or unmarried person? On today's frequently asked questions episode, we cover many different aspects of being single or unmarried in recovery and healing. We talk about sexual health and its expression as an unmarried person, what is "too much" to share with a significant other or friends, betrayal trauma as a single person, and A LOT MORE!
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Living Free (College-Aged Men's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Counseling
Relapse Prevention Plan (Free Tool)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Recovery Action Plan (Free Tool)
Healing from sexual betrayal is an incredibly important journey. In order to best help partners heal from the trauma experienced through sexual betrayal, we must understand what the partner needs. On today’s episode, we interview the founding president of The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS), Dr. Barbara Steffens. Dr. Steffens helps us understand what a partner-sensitive approach looks like (featured in our NEW Betrayal & Beyond resource), how this approach differs from other historical approaches, how the church can better serve betrayed partners, and why healing from betrayal trauma is so important.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
APSATS
APSATS Training
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse (Dr. Steffens' Book)
Betrayal & Beyond Preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Healing from sexual betrayal is an incredibly important journey. In order to best help partners heal from the trauma experienced through sexual betrayal, we must understand what the partner needs. On today’s episode, we interview the founding president of The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS), Dr. Barbara Steffens. Dr. Steffens helps us understand what a partner-sensitive approach looks like (featured in our NEW Betrayal & Beyond resource), how this approach differs from other historical approaches, how the church can better serve betrayed partners, and why healing from betrayal trauma is so important.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
APSATS
APSATS Training
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse (Dr. Steffens' Book)
Betrayal & Beyond Preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Women who experience sexual betrayal need healing just as much as their addicted spouses. The damage that betrayal trauma creates is massive. Women need a place to heal and process their experiences. This is what Betrayal & Beyond was created for—a group context and healing resource that facilitates the healing God provides those who’ve experienced sexual betrayal. We are in week 4 of our Running Effective Groups series. Today, we’re focused on running effective Betrayal & Beyond groups. We look at why these groups are so important, what the NEW and UPDATED Betrayal & Beyond resource covers, and how to help facilitate this healing environment for women.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond—available for preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Groups Pathway (Free Resource)
7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma (Free eBook)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Connected (Marriage Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Counseling
Women who experience sexual betrayal need healing just as much as their addicted spouses. The damage that betrayal trauma creates is massive. Women need a place to heal and process their experiences. This is what Betrayal & Beyond was created for—a group context and healing resource that facilitates the healing God provides those who’ve experienced sexual betrayal. We are in week 4 of our Running Effective Groups series. Today, we’re focused on running effective Betrayal & Beyond groups. We look at why these groups are so important, what the NEW and UPDATED Betrayal & Beyond resource covers, and how to help facilitate this healing environment for women.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond—available for preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Groups Pathway (Free Resource)
7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma (Free eBook)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Connected (Marriage Resource)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Pure Desire Counseling
Women who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior feel double shame. First off, they feel shame because of their struggle. Secondly, they feel shame because they struggle with an area often addressed as a “man’s issue.” Sexual brokenness is not a respecter of gender. Men and women both struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors. We are now in week 3 of our Running Effective Groups series. Today, we talk about running effective Unraveled groups—our recovery resource for women. We talk through why these groups are needed, how they fit into the discipleship model, and what challenges may arise when leading recovery groups for women.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
The Female Addict & Unraveled (Podcast)
Leading Unraveled Groups (Podcast)
Unraveled (Podcast)
Recovery Action Plan (Tool)
Relapse Prevention Plan (Tool)
Group Pathway (Free Resource)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Group Guidelines (Tool)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource)
Women who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior feel double shame. First off, they feel shame because of their struggle. Secondly, they feel shame because they struggle with an area often addressed as a “man’s issue.” Sexual brokenness is not a respecter of gender. Men and women both struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors. We are now in week 3 of our Running Effective Groups series. Today, we talk about running effective Unraveled groups—our recovery resource for women. We talk through why these groups are needed, how they fit into the discipleship model, and what challenges may arise when leading recovery groups for women.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Unraveled (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
The Female Addict & Unraveled (Podcast)
Leading Unraveled Groups (Podcast)
Unraveled (Podcast)
Recovery Action Plan (Tool)
Relapse Prevention Plan (Tool)
Group Pathway (Free Resource)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Group Guidelines (Tool)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource)
Today is week 2 of our 4-week Running Effective Pure Desire Groups series. This week we look at our recovery groups for men: Seven Pillars Of Freedom. We spend time unpacking how to best run these 8-week Sexual Integrity 101 groups. We talk through who these groups are for, what is covered in the 8 weeks, and how this course is a catalyst for launching Pure Desire recovery and support groups.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Group Pathway (Free Resource)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Recovery Tools: Commitment To Change (Podcast)
Double Bind & Commitment To Change (Podcast)
Making A Better Commitment To Change (Podcast)
Recovery Tools: FASTER Scale (Podcast)
5 Tips On Using The FASTER Scale (Podcast)
The FASTER Scale (Podcast)
Today begins a 4-part series on running effective Pure Desire groups. Week 1 is focused on our introductory video course: Sexual Integrity 101. We spend time unpacking how to best run these 8-week Sexual Integrity 101 groups. We talk through who these groups are for, what is covered in the 8 weeks, and how this course is a catalyst for launching Pure Desire recovery and support groups.
RESOURCES RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Group Pathway (Free Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Church Membership
Individual Membership
Relapse Prevention Plan (Three Circles Tool)
It's natural to want others to experience the healing and freedom Pure Desire groups have given us. But for so many of us, the notion of bringing groups to our church is daunting. This is why Pure Desire has created a roadmap for developing a purity ministry at your church. In today's episode, we want through each step of this roadmap and give encouragement on what it looks like to implement Pure Desire groups into your church.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Developing Purity Groups (PDF)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Group Pathway
Church Membership
Individual Membership
Three Circles Tool (Relapse Prevention)
This week, we throw it back to 2021 and the Pure Desire Summit! Robert Vander Meer taught a breakout session at the Summit titled, Emotions Below The Surface. As we are now only 10 days away from the 2022 Summit, we thought we'd give you a taste of what's in store. Spoiler alert: Robert is one of the plenary speakers at this year's Summit! Explore with us the emotions that live below the surface and how they impact our lives each day. If you like Robert's session, register for the Summit here.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
2022 Pure Desire Summit
The theme of the 2022 Pure Desire Summit (Sept. 16-17, 2022) is “ALL IN.” But what does that mean? What does it look like to go “ALL IN” for our recovery and healing? On today’s episode, we talk through what an “ALL IN” approach to our healing journey looks like, how to identify our next steps in recovery, and the benefits of seeing recovery as a lifelong endeavor.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
2022 Pure Desire Summit
Pure Desire Groups
Pure Desire Online Groups
The theme of the 2022 Pure Desire Summit (Sept. 16-17, 2022) is “ALL IN.” But what does that mean? What does it look like to go “ALL IN” for our recovery and healing? On today’s episode, we talk through what an “ALL IN” approach to our healing journey looks like, how to identify our next steps in recovery, and the benefits of seeing recovery as a lifelong endeavor.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
2022 Pure Desire Summit
Pure Desire Groups
Pure Desire Online Groups
One of the most needed guardrails in recovery revolves around technology. We consider how to use our computers or devices. One question many ask is, "What about my smartphone?" On today's episode, we talk to Chris Kaspar, CEO of Techless—a company offering a phone designed to cut out unnecessary distractions like social media, addictions, and advertisements. We talk to Chris about technology's impact on digital addiction, sexuality, and our relationships. We talk about Techless' new Wisephone and why it's a great option for cutting out the distraction technology creates in our lives.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Techless (Website)
Wisephone (Techless Product)
Techless Facebook Page
Techless Instagram Page
Part of the recovery journey is giving back. Sharing our story, leading Pure Desire groups, and even giving back financially. Today, we’re joined by two members of our advancement team, John Begeman and Rodney Wright. John and Rodney talk about the role generosity plays in the recovery process, how God is using donations to expand sexual health, and what major projects Pure Desire is working on.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Join Team 58
Group Leader Training (Video Course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex (Rodney's Book)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
A common aspect of the full disclosure process is a polygraph. Polygraphs can carry a certain stigma with them. But what is a polygraph and what benefit does it offer a couple going through recovery and healing? Today, we’re joined by our Clinical Director, Tyler Chinchen. Tyler gives us an inside look at what a polygraph is, how it fits into the full disclosure process, and how it helps rebuild trust in a marriage.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Recovery Action Plan (Struggling Spouse)
Recovery Action Plan (Betrayed Spouse)
Full Disclosure Process Counseling
Each of us carries two types of “self.” Our authentic self—who God has made us to be. And our adapted self—the facade we’ve created to protect ourselves from pain and difficulty. On today’s episode, we talk to Marilyn Vancil, a spiritual director, coach, and author of Self To Lose, Self To Find. Marilyn talks us through how to identify which self we are living out of and what tools we can use to live out of who God made us to be.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
MarilynVancil.com
Self To Lose, Self To Find (Marilyn's book)
Beyond The Enneagram (Marilyn's book—coming October 18, 2022)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Mens' Recovery Resource)
Genesis Process (Recovery Resource)
Relapse Prevention Tool (Three Circles)
Should Christians Use The Enneagram? (Blog Post)
OWN-UP Worksheet
Whether it’s been caught or taught, many of us believe self-care is selfish. We can so easily see and encourage it in others, but when it comes to our own self-care, we dismiss it as too “self-focused.” Why do we believe this? Does this belief cause damage? How can we change this underlying belief? Today, we are joined by Traci Wright (Pure Desire Clinician and author) to explore the myth “self-care is selfish” and discuss how to improve our personal self-care.
RESOURCES
Full Episode Video (YouTube)
We all have some form of unwanted behavior in our life. Whether it's pornography, affairs, fantasy, or any other form of sexual brokenness, understanding where these behaviors come from is essential! If we want to break free from our unwanted behaviors, we must understand them. If we truly want to understand our unwanted behaviors, we must be curious. This requires honesty, courage, and hard work. On today's episode, Jay Stringer, author of Unwanted and featured speaker at this year's Pure Desire Summit, joins us to help us get to the root of our unwanted behaviors and gives us direction on what it means to understand them. He also gives us a sneak peek into what he'll be sharing at the Summit.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
2022 Pure Desire Summit (Event)
Unwanted (Jay's book)
The Allender Center
Heart of Man (Film)
Jay's Website
On today’s new FAQ episode, we cover a lot. This is what these episodes are for: giving answers to tough questions. Today’s topics include emotional anorexia, white-knuckling, sexual content in video games, getting triggered at the gym, same-sex attraction, and more!
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Recovery Action Plan (Struggling Spouse)
Recovery Action Plan (Betrayed Spouse)
One-Sided Healing: Addicted (Podcast Episode)
One-Sided Healing: Betrayed (Podcast Episode)
FASTER Scale (Tool)
Honestly Speaking (Blog)
Honesty vs. Disclosure (Podcast)
Fear Of Sex During Recovery (Podcast Episode)
Today, our podcast turns 5! We’re so thankful for you (the listeners/viewers) for tuning in each week and encouraging us to keep pushing the conversation forward. On today's livestream recording, we're: reading some reviews of the show, talking through why we started and will continue to do the podcast, covering some Pure Desire history and the podcast, discussing where we are headed in the next year, and announcing exciting and upcoming developments at Pure Desire
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
We have a special invitation for you to join us live THIS AFTERNOON to celebrate 5 years of the podcast!
Join us LIVE this afternoon at 2 PM PST: CLICK HERE
When is the best time to start groups in my church? What should be my first steps? What if I don’t have buy-in from my pastor/leader? Do we need groups for men and women? These are the questions all of us ask when starting Pure Desire groups in our church. These and many other questions can leave us directionless and with little hope on starting groups. On today’s episode, we give direction on all of it. We talk through timing of groups, getting support from leaders, promotion, and introductory meetings. Starting Pure Desire groups at your church doesn’t need to be an uphill battle. Today’s conversation will help you get Pure Desire groups up and running.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Group Leader Training (video course)
Sexual Integrity 101 (video course)
Fight The New Drug's Brain, Heart, World (film series)
Safe (Nick's book)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (men's recovery resource)
Betrayal & Beyond (women's betrayal resource)
Unraveled (women's recovery resource)
Is it possible to hold a biblical sexual ethic and love those who don’t hold to it? Our guest, Dr. Preston Sprinkle, works to answer this question in his work as the president of The Center For Faith, Sexuality, & Gender. Preston is the host of the Theology In The Raw podcast and is a New York Times Best-Selling author of books like People To Be Loved, Embodied, and Living In A Gray World. Preston joins us today to talk through the tension we experience between the Bible’s teaching on sexuality and our efforts to love those in the LGBTQ community.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
The Center For Faith, Sexuality, & Gender (Preston's organization)
Theology In The Raw (Preston's podcast)
People To Be Loved (Preston's book)
Living In A Gray World (Preston's book)
Embodied (Preston's book)
Many of us who experience betrayal trauma are thrown into it. We didn’t cause it. We didn’t choose it. But here we are: suffering. The thought of pursuing our own healing when we experience betrayal seems unfair. Ultimately, it is. But we have the choice to step into healing for ourselves—to restore what has been broken and damaged. On today’s episode, we explore 7 tips or encouragements as we enter the journey of healing from betrayal. Heather Kolb, our Content Manager, joins us and shares from her experience and expertise.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 (Video Course)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Pure Desire Counseling
Recovery Action Plan–Spouses (Tool)
The journey of recovery from unwanted sexual behavior is not an intuitive one. There are many aspects we never knew to consider when working to create sexual health in our lives. When we do enter the recovery journey, there can be many ups and downs. That's why, on today's episode, we talk through 7 tips for those on the front end of their recovery from addiction journey. These are 7 tips we wish we knew as we started our journies.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Online Groups
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships (Women's Recovery Resource)
Sexual Integrity 101 video course
Like many marriages, Brandon and Tonia Clark experienced the damage of a pornography addiction. Through Brandon's addiction, they experienced crisis in their marriage and didn't know how to address the problem. Today, Brandon and Tonia join us to tell the story of how they restored their marriage and their vows and how they're using their story to help others do the same.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Restored Vows Course (Covenant Eyes Free 14-day Video Course)
Covenant Eyes (Accountability Software)
When entering the recovery and healing process, there can be lots of fear. Fears like "will this work?" or "can I really restore my marriage?" But one of the biggest fears couples face is the fear of re-engaging in their sexual relationship. Today, we are joined by clinicians, Robert and Rebecca Vander Meer, to talk through this fear and ways to work through it during the recovery process.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Pure Desire Counseling
Sex During Recovery (Podcast Episode)
Men and women struggling with unwanted sexual behavior or sexual brokenness often work very hard to protect themselves. Protecting themselves from the pain in life and protecting themselves from the consequences of their behavior. This often takes the form of gaslighting, manipulating, and lying. On today’s episode, we’re joined by one of our clinicians, Eileen Fagan, to talk through why those struggling chose these behaviors, how spouses can identify them, and how couples can heal from their effects.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Genesis Process (Michael Dye's Recovery Resource)
Center For Healthy Sex
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Hope For Men (Men's Betrayal Resource)
Seven Pillars Of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
Recovery Action Plan (For Struggling Spouse)
Recovery Action Plan (For Betrayed Spouse)
Pure Desire Counseling
Disclosure Process Counseling
Relapse Prevention Tool/Three Circles (Recovery Tool)
It seems like every few months there is another report of a Christian leader caught in sexual misconduct. This is extremely sad. It shouldn't be this way. But why does this keep happening? Can we do anything about it? How do we change this trend with our leaders and in our churches? Today we tackle all of these questions. There is a better way and we need to take steps to create it in our churches.
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
Sexual Integrity 101
How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex
Pure Desire Online Groups
Pure Desire Counseling
The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill (Christianity Today's Podcast)
Sheila Wray Gregoire is back on the podcast today and she is joined by her husband, Dr. Keith. They’ve been busy updating and writing their books, The Good Girls Guide To Great Sex and The Good Guys Guide To Great Sex! Today, we talk to Sheila and Dr. Keith about their books, interesting findings from their research of over 25,000 Christian women, a new approach to sexual intimacy in marriage, how frequent we should be having sex, and A LOT more!
RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube)
The Good Girl's Guide To Great Sex (Sheila's updated book)
The Good Guy's Guide To Great Sex (Sheila & Keith's new book)
To Love, Honor, and Vaccum (Sheila's blog)
When entering our sexual history or the history of our group members, it’s likely we’ll encounter topics considered “taboo.” Topics like fetishes, fantasies, same-sex attraction, or others. We all have potentially taboo aspects to our sexual history. On today’s episode, we are joined by Rich Moore (Associate Director of Men’s Groups) to talk about these topics, how to respond to these topics when they come up, and how we can diminish the shame around these elements of our story.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
GROUP LEADER TRAINING (PRE-ORDER)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING (TOOL)
COVENANT TO CONTEND (TOOL)
Pure Desire groups for women are essential to an effective recovery ministry. Whether it’s groups for women who’ve experienced betrayal or women struggling with unwanted sexual behavior, these groups are needed! If we want to create cultures in our church where “it’s okay to not be okay,” we need a group structure and women willing to lead. On today’s episode, Ashley Jameson joins us to talk about leading women’s groups. We talk about what to look for in group leaders, unique aspects to women’s groups, and best practices for leading Betrayal & Beyond and Unraveled groups.
Whether we've played sports, performed in theater, or participated in other performance-oriented activities, we have all experienced failure. These moments of failure impact us at a deep level. On today's episode, we talked with Stephen Thomas, a marriage and recovery consultant, about how these performance failures wound us, how they contribute to our recovery and healing journies, and how to heal our performance wounds.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
STEPHEN THOMAS CONSULTING (STEPHEN'S WEBSITE)
Becoming a porn-free person is not an easy journey but is so worth the effort! Matt Dobschuetz knows this first hand. Matt, the host of the Porn Free Radio Podcast and author of the new book Porn Free, joins us for a crossover episode of the podcast. On today’s episode, we talk to Matt about his new book and the insights he shares about the recovery journey. Matt even asks us a few questions during the interview. It’s a good time and we know you’ll enjoy our conversation with Matt.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PORN FREE RADIO PODCAST (MATT’S SHOW)
PORN FREE (MATT’S NEW BOOK)
MAKING ROOM FOR RECOVERY (BLOG BY JUSTIN WATSON)
It’s not enough to just stop our unwanted sexual behaviors. In order to truly break free and heal from the effects of unwanted sexual behaviors, we must find replacement behaviors. Like learning to ride a bike, our mind holds on to repeated behaviors and never lets them go. If we want to stop these automatic behaviors, our brain requires we replace them with new ones. On today’s episode, we discuss why we need new behaviors, what kinds we should pursue, and how to make sure our new behaviors don’t get added to the list of unwanted ones.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS
UNRAVELED (WOMEN’S RECOVERY RESOURCE)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (MEN’S RECOVERY RESOURCE)
It's the consequences of unwanted sexual behavior that often motivate us most in starting the recovery or healing journey. Whether we’re the struggling spouse or the one betrayed, the crisis and damage of sexual brokenness make the recovery and healing process very necessary. But once we enter this journey, it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. As we grow and develop health, we begin setting boundaries and evaluating our life with a new lens. As we do so, we can lose hobbies, jobs, and even relationships. On today’s episode, we talk with Mike Maxwell about the reality of what we might have to sacrifice on the recovery and healing journey and why our health is still worth it all.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
Sexual betrayal is one of the most devastating things a person can experience. Though struggling spouses are not primarily out to hurt their husband/wife, sexual brokenness brings immense amounts of pain and trauma into a marriage. As an addict or struggler, is it possible to help our spouse heal from the pain we’ve caused? Is there anything we can do to help in the healing process? On today’s episode, we explore what an addicted/struggling spouse can do (if anything) to help their spouse heal from sexual betrayal.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYED WOMEN’S RESOURCE)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (STRUGGLING MEN’S RESOURCE)
UNRAVELED (STRUGGLING WOMEN’S RESOURCE)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYED MEN’S RESOURCE)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
APSATS (BARABARA STEFFENS ORGANIZATION)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
As followers of Jesus, knowing what is true and biblical is important. But when it comes to battling the effects of unwanted sexual behavior or betrayal trauma we can very easily use spiritual truths to minimize the reality of our situation or struggle. This is referred to as "spiritual bypass." On today's episode, Dr. Craig Cashwell talks to us about spiritual bypass and why it can be so damaging on our journey of healing and recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SHADOWS OF THE CROSS (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
Sexual brokenness shatters the lives of so many men and women. We’ve heard this story many times: a man struggles with unwanted sexual behaviors and, because of this, his wife experiences betrayal trauma. But what happens when the roles are reversed? When a woman struggles and betrays her husband? On today’s episode, Cyndie and Dusty tell us their story of healing. They share how sexual brokenness impacted their relationship, how they were introduced to Pure Desire, what their recovery and healing journey looks like, and so much more!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
When discovery or disclosure happens, it impacts the mind, body, and soul of a betrayed partner. Our mind becomes stuck on rewind; processing every word of every day, wondering how we missed it. We can’t eat. We can’t sleep. We no longer feel safe. Is there any hope? On today’s episode, we sit down with Jennifer Howie and talk through several aspects of betrayal trauma that will empower a betrayed partner on their healing journey.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (WOMEN’S BETRAYAL RESOURCE)
Historically, in many faith communities, there seemed to be a great divide: psychology on one side of the canyon and spirituality on the other side. But now, this gap is closing. On today’s episode, we are privileged to have Dr. Craig Cashwell as our guest. We first met Dr. Cashwell during Module 2 of the PSAP training and used this opportunity to dig deeper into what we learned. As a Mental Health Counselor, Professor, and author, he shares his passion for integrating psychology and spirituality, how this plays out in the healing process, and so much more.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SHADOWS OF THE CROSS (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY & RELIGION INTO COUNSELING (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
CLINICAL MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELING (CRAIG’S RESOURCE)
When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what’s happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today’s episode, we are honored to have Dr. Barbara Steffens as our guest. She is the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and the founding President of APSATS: The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Dr. Steffens walks us through what it looks like to find healing from betrayal trauma.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
APSATS (BARBARA’S ORGANIZATION)
YOUR SEXUALLY ADDICTED SPOUSE (BARBARA’S BOOK)
Creating emotional and sexual intimacy in marriage can be challenging. This is especially true when sexual brokenness is present in a marriage. Today, Dr. Juli Slattery joins us to talk through barriers couples face when creating sexual intimacy and how we can overcome them.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
AUTHENTIC INTIMACY WEBSITE
FIND THE HERO IN YOUR HUSBAND: REVISITED (JULI’S BOOK)
JAVA WITH JULI (JULI’S PODCAST)
As the COVID spike has caused issues with our regularly scheduled podcasts, we thought we would re-release an oldie but goodie episode. Back in December of 2017, we did an interview with Rodney Wright about the hurdles many churches face when it comes to addressing the effects of sexual brokenness. Even though we’re now 4 years later, this episode still rings so true. As the church, we need to continue improving our compassion and competency toward those who are impacted by sexual brokenness and betrayal trauma. Enjoy this replay episode!
This week's episode is unique. Like so many, COVID has finally visited Nick and Trevor's family. As a pivot, we decided to feature a really powerful message from the 2021 Pure Desire Summit from Rodney Wright. Rodney's message is titled Bold Intimacy.
RESOURCES 2022 PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (REGISTER)
2021 PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (PURCHASE LIFETIME ACCESS)
The journey of recovery is a difficult one. While in the recovery journey, it's easy to get discouraged by the process and how long it takes. On today's episode, we identify the five stages of recovery, how long they take, and how these stages help us see the true goal of recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
UNRAVELED (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR MEN)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
YOHAN HARI’S BOOKS
The year 2021 sort of felt like 2020 part 2. Would you agree? With all the challenging elements of the last year, we need to take a look at the year we just had. Lots of changes (good and bad) can cause stress, anxiety, and, oftentimes, backsliding in our healing journey. On today’s episode, we wrap up 2021 for podcasts. We end the year by talking through some of the highs and lows of 2021, what we’ve learned, and some thoughts on staying healthy while moving into 2022.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
The Christmas season can be challenging on the recovery and healing journey. This is because Christmas has some good and some bad. Good: spending uplifting time with family and friends, focused on giving gifts. Bad: spending draining amounts of time with a lack of boundaries and spiked anxiety. On today’s episode, we talk through how to manage ourselves and remain healthy during the Christmas season. Believe it or not, it’s possible.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Whether it’s with sexual brokenness or betrayal trauma, watching our loved ones battle with it is miserable. For those of us who’ve experienced healing and freedom from our own brokenness or trauma, we know the path of healing well. This makes it so much harder to watch our friends and family have their lives destroyed. This leaves many of us asking: “Is there anything I can do?” Today we answer that question!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
KEEP YOUR LOVE ON BY DANNY SILK
EPISODE W/ ROSIE MAKINNEY (PODCAST)
THREE CIRCLES TOOL
Trevor Winsor is the host of our podcast and today we turn the tables on him. Today, he's our guest and we ask him to share his story of healing. What started as looking for ways to help his students, Trevor stumbled into his own recovery journey. Today, he recounts his recovery journey from wounded and broken to helping others find hope and healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Trauma is something we've all faced in life. And trauma comes in a few different variations. Whether it's big traumatic events that rock our world or smaller traumatic events that happen over a long period of time, trauma impacts our lives at a very deep level. On today's episode, we look at the different types of trauma we can experience in life and how to bring healing to each of them.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
TRAUMA CHECKLIST
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
Relapse is never something we desire on the recovery journey. But a relapse is one of the best times to evaluate needed steps for sobriety. In today's episode, we look at a tool called the Crash Site Analysis. This tool helps us evaluate our recent relapse and identify the necessary steps for creating sobriety.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE GROUPS
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
FASTER SCALE (TOOL)
THREE CIRCLES (TOOL)
Sobriety and sexual health require a lot of self-awareness. If we want to break free from unwanted sexual behaviors, we have to be aware of our pattern of relapse. On today's episode, we talk about a tool called the Matrix of Addiction. This tool helps us identify our relapse pattern and begin creating sobriety.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Sex is one of the biggest areas of a relationship or individual's life that is impacted by sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Today, we field listener questions on the topic of sex. We cover things like fantasies, fetishes, low-sex drive, sexual anorexia, and more.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Message/DM us with your questions
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE’S LINKS: * THE GREAT SEX RESCUE (BOOK) * SHEILAWRAYGREGOIRE.COM (WEBSITE) * TO LOVE, HONOR, AND VACUUM (BLOG)
CLIFFORD & JOYCE PENNER’S LINKS: * CLIFFORD & JOYCE PENNER’S BOOKS * PASSIONATECOMMITMENT.COM (WEBSITE)
JAY STRINGER’S LINKS: * UNWANTED: HOW SEXUAL BROKENNESS REVEALS OUR WAY TO HEALING (BOOK) * UNWANTED PT. 1 W/ JAY STRINGER (PODCAST) * UNWANTED PT. 2 W/ JAY STRINGER (PODCAST)
Nick and Michelle looked like they had it all. A good marriage, growing ministry, and a beautiful family. But in secret, Nick's sexual addiction was killing it all from the inside. Though he was a respected pastor, hated his behavior, and confessed often, Nick couldn't break free. This left Michelle at the point of wanting to leave. But that's not how the story ends. Over the past 10 years, their marriage, family, and ministry is thriving. Today, they tell us their story of healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR MEN)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
Experiencing sexual betrayal is unique. Finding out your spouse has been unfaithful or sexually acting out outside your marriage bed is soul-crushing. Is there hope for those experiencing betrayal trauma? We have Dr. Stefanie Carnes, President of the International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals, on the podcast today to give us guidance for conquering betrayal in a marriage/relationship. She walks us through disclosure, rebuilding trust, and how to heal relationships after sexual betrayal.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
COURAGEOUS LOVE: A COUPLES GUIDE TO CONQUERING BETRAYAL (STEFANIE’S RESOURCE)
DR. STEFANIE CARNES BIO (IITAP)
STEFANIE’S BOOK ON AMAZON (LINK)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
HELP HER HEAL BY DR. CAROL CHEETS
PASTORAL SEX ADDICTION PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATION (THROUGH IITAP)
The Enneagram is a personality tool with many helpful aspects. Today, continue our conversation with Jeff and Beth McCord, authors and founders of Your Enneagram Coach, about how the Enneagram can be a helpful tool in recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Today's episode is part 2 of our 2-part interview with the McCord's where we explore how the Enneagram can integrate into our healing and recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
YOURENNEAGRAMCOACH.COM (JEFF & BETH’S WEBSITE)
9 ENNEAGRAM TYPES CORE MOTIVATIONS (FREE DOWNLOAD)
SHOULD CHRISTIANS USE THE ENNEAGRAM? (BLOG ARTICLE)
The Enneagram is a personality tool with many helpful aspects. Today, we talk to Jeff and Beth McCord, authors and founders of Your Enneagram Coach, about how the Enneagram can be a helpful tool in recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Today's episode is part 1 of our 2-part interview with the McCord's where we explore how the Enneagram can integrate in our healing and recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
YOURENNEAGRAMCOACH.COM (JEFF & BETH’S WEBSITE)
9 ENNEAGRAM TYPES CORE MOTIVATIONS (FREE DOWNLOAD)
SHOULD CHRISTIANS USE THE ENNEAGRAM? (BLOG ARTICLE)
Pornography and sexual brokenness are destroying marriages. But what if the messages we are taught about sex are just as damaging? Messages like "all men struggle with porn" or "women shouldn't deprive their husbands of sex" can be detrimental to our marriages. Today, we talk with the author of The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila Wray Gregoire, about how to rescue our marriages from porn and the negative sex messages we receive from the world and the church.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
TO LOVE, HONOR, AND VACUUM (SHEILA’S BLOG)
BARE MARRIAGE PODCAST (SHEILA’S PODCAST)
THE GREAT SEX RESCUE (SHEILA’S NEWEST BOOK)
Harry Flanagan, AKA "Father Flanagan," was a pastor, leader, and influential member of his community. But due to his sexual addiction, all of that was lost. Family, ministry, and sense of purpose. But then Harry was introduced to Dr. Ted Roberts and Pure Desire Ministries. Now, Harry is a clinician and author with Pure Desire. Today, he shares his story of healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY RESOURCE FOR MEN)
There are two different kinds of group members: introverts and extroverts. Both need group. This week, we talk through what being an extrovert in group looks like (how to encourage them in listening and limiting their sharing), how to lead extroverts in group (if they take over a group meeting or advice-give), and how extroverts can best heal in a Pure Desire group setting.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE GROUP GUIDELINES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY GROUP FOR MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (HEALING GROUP FOR WOMEN)
UNRAVELED (RECOVERY GROUP FOR WOMEN)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
There are two different kinds of group members: introverts and extroverts. Both need group. This week, we talk through what being an introvert in group looks like (how to engage and feel confident sharing your story), how to lead introverts in group (drawing their sharing out of them without badgering), and how introverts can best heal in a Pure Desire group setting.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE GROUP GUIDELINES
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (RECOVERY GROUP FOR MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (HEALING GROUP FOR WOMEN)
UNRAVELED (RECOVERY GROUP FOR WOMEN)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
In anticipation of this week's Pure Desire Summit, we wanted to explore the reality of healing happening below the surface. Finding freedom from sexual brokenness or healing from betrayal trauma doesn't happen with behavior modification. It's a deeper healing of our thoughts, feelings, and core beliefs about ourselves, God, and others. Today we explore below the surface healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
REGISTER FOR THE PURE DESIRE SUMMIT
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME W/ JENNA RIEMERSMA (PODCAST)
Betrayal trauma causes inner chaos. Parts of us want to run away and find safety. Other parts of us want to stay and fix or save. These "parts" of us can wage war, making us feel burnt out and hopeless. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model that identifies these "parts" in us and how they wage war with each other. So much is at stake when choosing to address our trauma, so we must learn to see each part of ourselves as truly welcome. Today, we're joined by IFS practitioner and therapist, Jenna Riemersma to talk about how IFS can help us heal from our betrayal trauma and truly see how to welcome each "part" with compassion.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
ALTOGETHER YOU (JENNA’S BOOK)
JENNARIEMERSMA.COM (JENNA’S WEBSITE)
THE ATLANTA CENTER FOR RELATIONAL HEALING (JENNA’S ORGANIZATION)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (JENNA IS KEYNOTE SPEAKER)
BLOOM FOR WOMEN (WEBSITE)
PATH FOR MEN (WEBSITE)
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME (PODCAST EPISODE WITH JENNA)
Anyone struggling with addictions knows the feeling of internal warfare. Parts of us hate the addiction while other parts of us keep pursuing it. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model that identifies these "parts" in us and how they wage war with each other. As these parts fight it out, our unwanted behavior rages and wreaks havoc in our lives. Today, we're joined by IFS practitioner and therapist, Jenna Riemersma to talk about how IFS can help us battle our addictions and truly see how to welcome all parts of ourselves to the table.
RESOURCES ALTOGETHER YOU (JENNA’S BOOK)
JENNARIEMERSMA.COM (JENNA’S WEBSITE)
THE ATLANTA CENTER FOR RELATIONAL HEALING (JENNA’S ORGANIZATION)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (JENNA IS KEYNOTE SPEAKER)
BLOOM FOR WOMEN (WEBSITE)
PATH FOR MEN (WEBSITE)
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF ME (PODCAST EPISODE WITH JENNA)
Ever battled anxiety, doubt, or shame? These often stem from unresolved emotional scars that leave us with unfulfilled longings. We try to fulfill these longings through unhealthy behaviors and relationships that end up hurting instead of helping. This is why Ben Bennett (and Josh McDowell) wrote the book, Free To Thrive! We talk to Ben about his new book and what thriving really looks like as a follower of Christ.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FREE TO THRIVE BOOK(USE PROMO CODE "BEN" TO GET 25% OFF)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (BEN IS A KEYNOTE SPEAKER)
BEN BENNETT ON INSTAGRAM
RESOLUTION MOVEMENT ON INSTAGRAM
RESOLUTION MOVEMENT ON YOUTUBE
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
Men and women in the church hear the message "men need sex every 72 hours." Though a regular sex life is good for a marriage, this message can cause damaging effects. Today, we explore this message and identify why it's a myth, discuss the negative impact it has, and what healthy sex looks like in marriage.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
BETHESDA WORKSHOPS (TODAY'S SPONSOR)
Apologist and author, Josh McDowell has spent the past few years focusing on the area of sexual brokenness, specifically pornography. Today, we talk to Josh about what he's learned from years of research on the effects of pornography. We talk about trends we're seeing and what we can do to change the tide of sexual brokenness in our world.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
CARE FOR PASTORS (WEBSITE)
FREE TO THRIVE (JOSH’S NEW BOOK)
Betrayal trauma is a real thing. When sexual brokenness and addiction enter a marriage or relationship, betrayal trauma enters with it. But what is betrayal trauma? How does it show itself in a marriage? Today, we talk about 7 keys to understanding what betrayal trauma is and how to heal from it.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
7 KEYS TO UNDERSTANDING BETRAYAL TRAUMA (FREE EBOOK)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (STRUGGLING SPOUSE)
When Evelyn found out about her husband's addiction on their honeymoon, everything changed. You'd think it was addressed right then...well, it wasn't. Years later, when Evelyn finally drew her line in the sand, her husband joined a group and started his healing journey. From there, Evelyn experienced her own healing. And now? Well, she’s leading other women through their betrayal trauma and helping them develop self-worth. Today, Evelyn James shares her story of healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
EVELYN’S INSTAGRAM
EVELYN’S WEBSITE
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUP
Though it may not happen as often, men do experience betrayal trauma. Whether it’s their wife’s sexual addiction, affair, or unwanted sexual behavior, men experience betrayal. Is it different for men than it is for women? What can men do if this happens? Who can they talk to? We talk with Rich Moore about his experience of betrayal trauma and talk through what hope for betrayed men looks like.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
HOPE FOR MEN WORKBOOK
HOPE FOR MEN ONLINE GROUP
MENDED (BOOK)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
There are many parallels between superhero stories and recovery. In anticipation of the newest release in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, we explore themes, storylines, and dynamics of some of our favorite MCU heroes and apply them to our journey through healing and recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
When sexual addiction invades a marriage, the betrayed spouse feels like their life implodes. We can’t make sense of anything and trauma takes place. All this confusion and pain can cause us to get stuck between discovery and recovery. Today, we talk to Rosie Makinney, founder of Fight For Love Ministries, about how to help betrayed women get out of the difficult in-between and into healing and recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FIGHT FOR LOVE (WEBSITE)
FIGHT FOR LOVE (BOOK)
FIGHT FOR LOVE (PODCAST)
FIGHT FOR LOVE FACEBOOK GROUP
Sexual abuse is more prevalent than many of us realize. Statistics (even inside the church) are astronomical. So, what can we (the church) do about it? We talk to Dr. James and Laura Reeves about addressing sexual abuse in the church and their new video resource, The Fearless Series. We talk about who this series is for, how it helps, and what churches can do to help the women in our churches who've experienced sexual abuse.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
THE FEARLESS SERIES
THE FEARLESS SERIES TRAILER
Ben Bennett, director of Resolution Movement (a Josh McDowell Ministry), was stuck in sexual addiction, depression, and anxiety. His sexual addiction was about survival. But through his introduction to Pure Desire, Ben found freedom from addiction. And as the author of Living Free (a recovery resource for college-aged men), Ben is leading others toward thriving in the life God intended for them. Today, we talk through how he went from sexual addiction to thriving.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FREE TO THRIVE (PRE-ORDER BEN’S NEW BOOK)
RESOLUTION MOVEMENT
RESOLUTION PODCAST
LIVING FREE
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
Are sending intimate pictures of ourselves to our spouse ok? When do we start talking with our kids about sexuality? How do we help our kids if our spouse is addicted? These questions and more on today's Frequently Asked Questions episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Message/DM us with your questions
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
What if intercourse isn't sex? What if sex is so much more than a sexual act between two people? Author, Sheila Wray Gregoire, joins us today to talk about her new book, The Great Sex Rescue. We talk about what sex really is and how to rescue it from how our world and culture distort it.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
TO LOVE, HONOR, AND VACUUM (SHEILA’S BLOG)
BARE MARRIAGE PODCAST (SHEILA’S PODCAST)
THE GREAT SEX RESCUE (SHEILA’S NEWEST BOOK)
Are emotions bad? Point blank: No! So why do so many of us run away from them, avoid them, and disregard them? Today, we talk about the myth so many of us were taught: emotions are bad.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FASTER SCALE (TOOL)
INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS PODCAST EPISODE W/ JENNA RIEMERSMA
ALTOGETHER YOU (JENNA RIEMERSMA’S BOOK)
PURE DESIRE SUMMIT (EVENT)
Asher and Ashley Sears had a typical back and forth marriage with sexual addiction and betrayal. But they don't live that way now! Why is this? Just by chance, Ashley was introduced to a recovery resource and encouraged Asher to pursue it. Neither knew this would kickstart new levels of healing and intimacy in their marriage. Today, we hear their beautiful story of healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
STORIES UNVEILED
STORIES UNVEILED CONFERENCE
STORIES UNVEILED INSTAGRAM
For a marriage to truly heal from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, both spouses need healing. We refer to it as a “family systems issue.” But what if our struggling spouse doesn’t want to pursue healing? Should we continue on our own healing journey? Can we help them? Should we even try to? We talk about this very difficult and very common situation on today’s episode.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FACING HEARTBREAK BY DR. STEFANIE CARNES (BOOK)
ALTOGETHER YOU BY JENNA RIEMERSMA (BOOK)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (FEMALE BETRAYAL RESOURCE)
GIVE TO PURE DESIRE
We made it to 200 episodes! Honestly, it’s because you guys, our listeners! We would not continue recording these episodes if they weren’t helpful and encouraging on the journey to healing and freedom. To celebrate our 200th episode, we decided to mix it up. We’re looking at some of our favorites, some feedback, and what we have coming in the future. Please celebrate with us and tell us your favorite episode! Fill out this quick FORM and enter to win a free Pure Desire Podcast Mug!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
JOIN TEAM 58 (MONTHLY GIVERS TO PURE DESIRE)
The recovery process oftentimes includes relapse. This is part of the journey of breaking free from sexual brokenness. But what if we have a group member who continues to relapse over and over again? How do we handle this? How do we encourage them? Do we kick them out of group? We answer all of these questions and more on today's episode!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
CRASH SITE ANALYSIS (TOOL)
RELAPSE PREVENTION PLAN (TOOL)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN FOR STRUGGLING SPOUSE (TOOL)
FASTER SCALE (TOOL)
GROUP GUIDELINES (TOOL)
COVENANT TO CONTEND (TOOL)
Trauma and woundedness enter our lives early. The ways in which a little kid is hurt tend to show up much later in life through unwanted behaviors and emotional numbness. We often don’t view our struggles this way. But that’s why we had Drew Boa (founder of Husband Material Academy) back on the show to discuss our inner child. We talk about how to offer healing to our inner child and what the process entails.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
HUSBAND MATERIAL
HUSBAND MATERIAL ACADEMY
HUSBAND MATERIAL COMMUNITY APP
Both accountability and recovery groups are important! But they are different. And the difference is important. For example: traditional accountability groups put responsibility on the group itself; where recovery groups put the responsibility on the individual. We discuss this difference and four others on today’s episode.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
Because of the wounds, trauma, and struggles in life, we often run to easy things to medicate our pain. Pornography is a great soother but ultimately leads to the destruction of life and relationships. On today’s podcast, we sat down with the founder of Husband Material Academy, Drew Boa, and talked about how porn is used as a pacifier in our lives and what it looks like to soothe ourselves in healthy ways.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
HUSBAND MATERIAL
HUSBAND MATERIAL ACADEMY
HUSBAND MATERIAL COMMUNITY APP
Clint and Charity Muñoz are thriving in marriage and ministry. But it hasn't always been that way. Sexual addiction reared its head in their marriage and brought destruction with it. But, through a trusted process and hard work, Clint and Charity are leading others into the same healing they've experienced. Today, we hear their story of healing.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
RESTORED 2 MORE
RESTORED 2 MORE PODCAST
RESTORED 2 MORE YOUTUBE CHANNEL
A common tool on the recovery journey is the Relapse Prevention Tool (also known as the Three Circles). This tool helps with what the name suggests: relapse prevention. So, why would someone experiencing betrayal trauma use this tool? Today, we explore how this tool can help betrayed spouses.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
3 CIRCLES TOOL
FASTER SCALE TOOL
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR MEN)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
When sexual addiction enters our marriage, it often feels as if it came out of nowhere. Betrayal trauma hits us like a high-speed train, laying us flat. But do we need to stay flat on the ground? We don’t believe so. We can start to get back up with tools like the Recovery Action Plan. Today, we talk about how this tool helps create safety and puts a process in place to establish boundaries and consequences to bring about restoration in relationships.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN TOOL (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN TOOL (STRUGGLING SPOUSE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYAL RESOURCE FOR MEN)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (PODCAST)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
FULL DISCLOSURE (PODCAST)
FULL DISCLOSURE EVALUATION
How does a weekly commitment to change help us heal from betrayal trauma? It helps us face our double-binds (rock-and-hard-place). Today, we explore how a Commitment to Change and addressing our double-binds brings healing for betrayal trauma.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
COMMITMENT TO CHANGE (TOOL)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
Betrayal trauma is very real. But healing from it isn't always clear. Self-awareness is one of the biggest steps to beginning to heal from betrayal. This week, we talk about how betrayed spouses/individuals can use the FASTER Scale (awareness tool) to bring healing into their lives.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FASTER SCALE (TOOL)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
ONE-SIDED HEALING (PODCAST)
Joe McCarthy is a successful restaurant owner, leads Pure Desire groups, and is incredibly passionate about helping men break free of addiction and shame. But it wasn't always that way. Alcoholism and a pornography addiction plagued Joe for a large portion of his life. Starting in AA, Joe found that healing was possible. We talk to Joe about his powerful story of breaking free of sexual brokenness and how he is now leading others into the freedom they most desire.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
MELTZ EXTREME GRILLED CHEESE (JOE’S BUSINESS)
REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS
CELEBRATE RECOVERY
PURE DESIRE GROUPS
LAPSE VS. RELAPSE (PODCAST EPISODE)
FASTER SCALE (TOOL)
PASTORAL SEX ADDICTION PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATION (IITAP)
Domestic abuse is not talked about enough. Abusive patterns can exist for years and even decades before we realize it’s actually abuse. These situations definitely play out in the realm of sexual addiction and brokenness. Today, we talk about how to identify domestic abuse, how to create a space to talk about it, and what we can do about it.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
BETRAYAL & BEYOND ONLINE GROUPS
What does recovery look like if we are attracted to the same sex? Is it something we can heal from? Does it ever go away? What if our spouse is attracted to the same sex? We discuss these questions with John Fort, Director of Training for Be Broken Ministries, as he shares his story of same-sex attraction and addiction.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
HONEST TALK: A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX (JOHN’S BOOK)
BE BROKEN MINISTRIES
Healing brokenness requires facing brokenness. Paul Young is known as a #1 New York Times bestselling author, but people might not know that trauma and abuse entered Paul’s life at a very early age. Trauma then ran up against addiction, Christian paradigms, and fear of exposure. On today’s episode, Paul shares his story of brokenness and what it took to face the damage his brokenness caused.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
THE PASTOR: A CRISIS (PAUL’S NEW BOOK)
Historically, the church struggles on how to best minister to the LGBT community. Our guest today, Janet Boynes, knows this first hand. After living as a lesbian for over a decade, God called Janet out of her lifestyle and into ministry. On today's episode, Janet helps us hear God's heart for our LGBT brothers and sisters and how churches can come alongside and love on them.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
CALLED OUT INTERNATIONAL (JANET’S MINISTRY)
GOD & SEXUALITY: TRUTH & RELEVANCE WITHOUT COMPROMISE (JANET’S BOOK)
For a marriage to truly heal from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, both spouses need healing. We refer to it as a "family systems issue." But what if our betrayed spouse doesn't want to pursue healing? Should we continue on our own journey? Can we help them? Should we even try to? We talk about this very difficult and very common situation on today's episode.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
The rate of increasing exposure and addiction to pornography is growing rapidly in the lives of young women. Statistics say it's the fastest-growing rate among all demographics. That's a problem. What can we do? We can run Behind The Mask groups for young women. On today's episode, we discuss the content, group structure, leadership, and impact of running these groups for students/young adults in the church.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
BEHIND THE MASK (RESOURCE FOR YOUNG WOMEN WHO STRUGGLE)
UNRAVELED (RESOURCE FOR WOMEN WHO STRUGGLE)
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING FOR LOCAL GROUPS (TOOL)
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING FOR ONLINE GROUPS (TOOL)
STORIES FOR WOMEN (BOOK)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 (VIDEO COURSE)
LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION (TOOL)
Intimacy in marriage doesn't just happen. It takes being intentional and working together to establish healthy intimacy in our relationships. That's why we created a resource to help: Connected. On today's episode, we talk through our Connected resource and how it helps couples build a bridge to the intimacy they've always wanted.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
CONNECTED: BUILDING A BRIDGE TO INTIMACY
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM (STRUGGLING MEN)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (BETRAYED WOMEN)
UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS (STRUGGLING WOMEN)
HOPE FOR MEN (BETRAYED MEN)
The year 2020 was traumatic, painful, and stressful for so many. Loss, brokenness, and disruption were felt by all. Whether it was the Coronavirus, racial injustice, fires, presidential elections, or anything in between: 2020 was packed full of difficulty. But, were there any positives to 2020? Anything we learned? Any helpful perspectives we can carry into a new year? We talk about this and more on today’s podcast.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PODCAST SURVEY
FASTER SCALE
COMMITMENT TO CHANGE
The holidays can easily put us in those rock-and-a-hard-place situations. Our ability to manage and maneuver through these situations is tied directly to our health. On today's episode, we identify double binds that arise during the holidays, how they impact our sexual health, and the positive outcomes of handling them well.
The holidays can be stressful. There's no way around it. And stress is very connected to unwanted sexual behaviors. For that reason, managing stress during the holidays is essential to sexual health. On today's episode, we talk about stress during the holidays, how it shows up, and healthy ways to manage it.
The holidays, though often presented as a joyous time, actually can be a stressful time for relationships. For that reason, being present in our relationships is crucial to staying in health. Today, we talk about why relationships can be so difficult during this season, how to avoid isolation, and creative ways to invest in relationships during the holidays.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
The holidays, though often presented as a joyous time, actually can be an extremely emotional time for so many. For that reason, being present with our emotions is crucial in maintaining health. Today, we talk about what emotional awareness is, how to get more of it, who it impacts, and why it's important in our health and recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FASTER SCALE (SELF-AWARENESS TOOL)
THOUGHTS/FEELINGS AWARENESS LOG
Are we reaching the next generations? This is a scary question to ask. But if we don’t ask, we might not get the answer. Today, it’s one of the biggest areas of ministry for followers of Jesus. How do we help the next generations live into the life God has for them? Ben Bennett, director of Resolution, joins us to talk about how we can help the younger generations of our day overcome their hurts, struggles, and learn to thrive.
RESOURCES THE TOP REASONS YOUNG PEOPLE DROP OUT OF CHURCH (BLOG)
LIVING FREE (GROUP RESOURCE)
LIVING FREE (PODCAST)
LIVING FREE ONLINE GROUPS
JOIN A PURE DESIRE GROUP
RESOLUTIONMOVEMENT.ORG
RESOLUTION
If we want to create a safe place for healing from the effects of sexual brokenness in our churches, we have to start the conversation. On today’s episode, we walk through 7 steps to starting this conversation at your church.
RESOURCES HOW TO START THE CONVERSATION ABOUT PURE DESIRE GROUPS (PDF)
SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
DEVELOPING A PURE DESIRE MINISTRY (PDF)
Honesty in recovery is non-negotiable. But is honesty the same thing as disclosure? On today's episode, we talk through the difference between honesty and disclosure in the recovery process.
RESOURCES HONESTLY SPEAKING (BLOG)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (STRUGGLING SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
When addiction and betrayal are present in a relationship, boundaries will be essential to healing. But how do we know if boundaries are a legit need or excessive? How do we agree on the boundaries we need? We talk this and more on today's episode.
RESOURCES RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (ADDICT)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
FREE CLINICAL CONSULTATION
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
No pastor/leader sets out to create a culture of shame in their church. But it happens. Today, with the help of Rodney Wright, we unpack how we inadvertently create a culture of shame in our churches, how to shift the culture, and the impact a safe place can truly be.
RESOURCES SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
Women who struggle with pornography tend to be overlooked. Culturally, far too many in the church believe this is just a man's struggle. On today's episode, Ashley Jameson helps us identify what addiction looks like for women, how to help them, and what it looks like to create a culture where women can ask for help in this arena.
RESOURCES SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST
LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION
UNRAVELED KIT
UNRAVELED (PODCAST EPISODE)
JULI SLATTERY ON PURE DESIRE PODCAST
As we move forward in our recovery, we can run into gray areas when it comes to our patterns and habits. Our clinical director, Tyler Chinchen helps us venture into one of those gray areas:lapse vs. relapse. What is the difference? Who should know? What should we do if a lapse happens? This and more on today's episode.
RESOURCES RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (ADDICT)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
3 CIRCLES (RELAPSE PREVENTION TOOL) PODCAST
CRASH SITE ANALYSIS
Rich was on the verge of spending 49 years in prison–the first person in Oregon State history to be charged under Measure 11. Many decisions and experiences led him to this point, but Rich didn't spend a single day in prison. Now, 23 years later, he's been leading and running Pure Desire groups for two decades. How is this possible? Rich joins us on the podcast to share his story.
Many of us were taught that time heals all wounds. But, as we discuss in today's episode, that is not reality. Time doesn't heal wounds. We talk about why that is and what does actually heal our wounds.
Something that we often hear about in the area of sexual brokenness is sexual trauma. Sadly, it’s such a common experience for so many. Today, we wanted to talk about sexual trauma, how it affects our lives, and how to find healing from it.
RESOURCES PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
PURE DESIRE GROUPS
BETHESDA WORKSHOPS
3 CIRCLES TOOL (RELAPSE PREVENTION)
What does it look like to create churches/communities that are safe? Keith Jenkins–a pastor, black man, and a military veteran–joins us today and helps us think through how to best process through the challenging political, racial, and divisive times we live in.
One of the best ways to create a healthier sex life with your spouse is communication. Today, we sit down Dan and Jenn Howie to discuss why it can be so difficult to talk to your spouse about sex. We also discuss how to talk to each other and what it looks like to improve that communication.
How do we discuss our struggles with our spouse? How do moms help their young sons? Is masturbation a sin? These questions and more on today's Frequently Asked Questions episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Message/DM us with your questions
RESOURCES HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
TECH ACTION PLAN
WHAT HUSBANDS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MENOPAUSE (FOCUS ON THE FAMILY ARTICLE)
Each recovery and support group is going to end someday. But that doesn’t mean that the healing will end. How our groups come to a close can set a trajectory for forward motion in our recovery and healing. Ending the group is not only important and it is very possible.
RESOURCES CHALLENGE COINS
GENESIS PROCESS
SUPPLEMENTAL COUNSELING (RECOVERY FOR STRUGGLING)
SUPPLEMENTAL COUNSELING (SUPPORT FOR BETRAYAL)
ONLINE GROUPS
Shame is a powerful force in the world, one that drives many of our unwanted behaviors. Today, we are joined by Dr. Curt Thompson, a psychiatrist, speaker, and author, who walks us through what shame is, how we often misunderstand it, and how it can be used to lead us to a better relationship with God and others.
RESOURCES CURTTHOMPSONMD.COM
CURT'S WRITING:
ANATOMY OF THE SOUL
THE SOUL OF SHAME
A BODY OF WORK (BLOG)
If we want to see future generations live in sexual health, we have to equip them with the tools they need. Today's episode is focused on recovery groups for students. Who should lead them, how to get students interested, and the impact these groups can have in our world.
RESOURCES TOP GUN
BEHIND THE MASK
LIVING FREE
GROUP GUIDELINES (PODCAST)
GROUP GUIDELINES (TOOL)
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING (TOOL)
Today we talk with Dan and Jenn Howie about sharing their story of sexual brokenness with their adult kids. We talk about what to share, when to share, and why it's important to share with our kids, regardless of their age.
Have you ever echoed the musing of the Apostle Paul, "For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do"? You're not alone! Many of us have this experience–feeling like there are different parts of us that want different things. Those feelings are not abnormal. On today's episode, we talked with Jenna Riemersma about Internal Family Systems–a revolutionary approach to understanding why we do things we don't want to do and have such a hard time doing what we want to do.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
ALTOGETHER YOU (JENNA’S BOOK)
JENNAREIMERSMA.COM (JENNA’S WEBSITE)
ATLANTA CENTER FOR RELATIONAL HEALING
So many men, women, and churches struggle with knowing where to start in the area of unwanted sexual behavior. How do we find freedom from the struggle? How do we experience healing from betrayal? How do we help our people navigate sexual brokenness? We have the answer: our new 8-week video course, Sexual Integrity 101!
RESOURCES SEXUAL INTEGRITY 101 VIDEO COURSE
Another relapse happens...what do you do? The Recovery Action Plan is a prepared course of action so you know exactly what to do, who to talk to, and what re-establishing trust will look like. Today we talk about how this tool not only gives us a post-relapse plan of action but also is an amazing deterrent for future relapse.
RESOURCES RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (ADDICT)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED)
Have you ever heard the phrase, "An oldie but a goodie?" Though we live in a world of messaging and social media communication, there is tons of value in making a simple phone call. Today we talk about the importance of phone calls on the road to recovery.
Many of us keep returning to those old unwanted behaviors. Why is that? Far too many of us just focus on what not to do instead of creating a plan toward what we want to do. The 3 Circles tool helps us identify what we want to stop, guardrails to keep us from it, and the healthy habits we need for change.
RESOURCES 3 CIRCLES TOOL
Have you ever had a behavior you wanted to stop but couldn't? What if there was a tool to help you put practical steps in place to make the changes you want to see? Enter: the Commitment to Change tool.
We all find ourselves in rock-and-a-hard-place situations. No one lives without them. That's even more true when battling unwanted sexual behavior. Today we talk through a tool that helps flesh out these situations and how we can use it to bring about the change we're looking for.
Healing and recovery happen only through self-awareness. Today we revisit an old friend on the recovery journey: the FASTER Scale. This self-awareness tool is essential on the road to healing from unwanted sexual behavior. We talk what it is, best practices, mistakes commonly made, and more.
Leading addiction recovery groups can be challenging. Especially when leading women through them. Women struggle with unique levels of shame and hopelessness when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. That's why we talk through how to best lead women through Unraveled Groups.
RESOURCES EPISODE 095 – UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
EPISODE 120 – ONLINE GROUPS
UNRAVELED KIT
JOIN A GROUP
GROUP GUIDELINES
REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS
We sat down for a mash-up episode with Matt Dobschuetz of Porn-Free Radio on today's episode. We talked about freedom, integrity, church culture, and a bunch of other random topics.
RESOURCES PORN-FREE RADIO PODCAST
RECOVEREDMAN.COM
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM
ONLINE RECOVERY GROUPS
Sexual addiction affects more than the person struggling. Especially when there are legal ramifications. Today we ask Jenn Howie how she maneuvered through the legal issues caused by sexual addiction in her previous marriage.
Sexual abuse of women is sadly not only something that is present today, we see that it goes back even into biblical times. Our guest, Julianna Smith, a Ph.D. student researching the abuse of women in the Bible, gives us her findings while also helping us identify ways the church can push back against sexual abuse of women.
Where can pastors go if they struggle with sexually compulsive behaviors? What options do they have to get healthy? We talk to a denomination president and a local pastor about the Pure Desire Leaders (PD-L) program and how it's helped their denomination create a safe place for their pastors to get healthy.
RESOURCES PURE DESIRE LEADERS (PD-L) PROGRAM
Many leaders and church-goers buy into the myth that sexual addiction doesn't impact their churches. Today, we dive into this myth and unpack why it is that we ignore the reality of sexual brokenness in our churches. We also talk through what someone can do if they see the reality when their leaders do not, and why it's so essential to have a recovery ministry for those impacted by sexual brokenness.
As we begin Pure Desire groups in our churches and communities, it's so important how we communicate them, making it clear what purpose they serve. On today's episode, we talk about the importance of a groups launch night, what the night should look like, and what major things to avoid.
RESOURCES MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING (ONLINE GROUP)
FASTER SCALE
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
LEGAL ISSUES IN GROUP (PODCAST)
LEGAL ISSUES IN GROUP (BLOG)
We sit down with Dan and Jenn Howie to hear their incredible story of healing from the pain and trauma of sexual addiction. They describe how it affected their previous marriages, how it impacted their kids, and what they've learned throughout the process of healing.
How do our relationships change when we begin our recovery journey? Do we share our process with everyone? No one? How do we be open and honest about our process while protecting our confidential groups? We talk all this and more on today's episode.
Everyone wants a healthy marriage. And all of us, if we could, would go back and prepare ourselves better for walking into marriage. On today's episode, we talk to Drew Boa (founder of Husband Material and a licensed PSAP) about the why, the how, and the benefits of getting healthy sexually before marriage.
RESOURCES DREWBOA.COM
HUSBAND MATERIAL
For Husband Material scholarships – email Drew: DREW@HUSBANDMATERIAL.COM
Sexual fantasies are a difficult topic to dive into. Whether it's shame or the uncomfortable nature of sharing them, this is an area for many men/women that is avoided. Our guest, founder of Husband Material, author, and a PSAP, Drew Boa talks us through the power of wading into our fantasies and the health that's waiting for us on the other side.
RESOURCES Drew’s Resources:
HUSBAND MATERIAL
SEXUAL FANTASY FRAMEWORK
FLOSS METHOD
Pure Desire Resources:
EPISODE 060 – AROUSAL TEMPLATE
CRASH SITE ANALYSIS
FASTER SCALE
In the midst of a world crisis, it's easy to slip back into unhealthy habits and behaviors. In today's episode, we give 5 tips on how to stay healthy even in the midst of the COVID-19/Coronavirus pandemic.
RESOURCES GROUP GUIDELINES – EPISODE 043
LEADING BETRAYAL & BEYOND GROUPS – EPISODE 079
LEADING 7 PILLARS GROUPS – EPISODE 088
LEADING CONQUER GROUPS – EPISODE 065
Having a safe place to be open and honest about our struggles is so essential to healing in the area of our sexuality. Our guest, the founder of Samson Society and author, Nate Larkin, tells of his experience as a sex addict growing up in the church and ministry and shares how he finally found freedom.
RESOURCES SAMSONSOCIETY.COM
SAMSON AND THE PIRATE MONKS (NATE’S BOOK)
I AM SECOND (NATE’S VIDEO)
Too often in the church, pornography and sexually compulsive behaviors are viewed as just a man's issue. But our guest today, New York Times Best-Selling Author, Mo Isom, blows up that paradigm and presses into her own story and how the culture in the church around sexuality must change.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
MOISOM.COM
SEX, JESUS, AND THE CONVERSATIONS THE CHURCH FORGOT (MO’S BOOK)
SEX AND JESUS (VIDEO COURSE)
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Slacker. How does not doing our group work hurt the group? What do we do if we're a group leader of a slacker? How do we help ensure all members do their work?
RESOURCES COMMITMENT TO CHANGE TOOL
GROUP GUIDELINES
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Advice-Giver. What do we do if we have a group member always giving advice? What if we are the advice-giver? How do we create a group experience without advice-giving?
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Late-Comer. What do we do if we have someone in our group who's always showing up late? How do we help if we're the leader or a fellow group member? How do we change our own lateness issue?
Having difficult group members is a potential for any Pure Desire group. Today, we address the infamous group member known as The Over-Talker. What do we do if we have an over-talker in our group? What do we do if we're the leader or just a group member? What do we do if we're the over-talker?
We see that as we grow in our health, there are layers to even more freedom to be experienced. What if we feel stuck in our recovery? How do we break out of that stuckness and get to those next layers of freedom? How do we know we've reached a new layer? We talk all this on today's episode.
RESOURCES FASTER SCALE
UNRAVELED (Recovery Resource for Women)
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM (Recovery Resource for Men)
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (Betrayal Resource for Women)
HOPE FOR MEN (Betrayal Resource for Men)
We see that self-awareness is one of the biggest keys to growing in any area. So, with this new decade upon us, what does it look like to grow in that self-awareness? How do we find areas where we need more of it? How do we practically grow in it? And is there such a thing as "too much" self-awareness? We talk this and more!
RESOURCES THE SOUL OF SHAME by Curt Thompson
FASTER SCALE
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN
ESCAPE PLAN
ENNEAGRAM INSTITUTE
When creating new goals, we rarely focus on our relationships. It's easy to create goals/rhythms that are measurable. But creating goals and achieving them in our relationships is much tougher. Today we talk about what, how, and why of creating goals for renewed relationships in 2020.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
With the start of a new decade, many of us are trying to maintain the goals we've set. But what if, instead of creating new goals, we focused on implementing new rhythms? On today's episode, we discuss the difference between rhythms and goals, how we know what areas we need growth in, and how to create sustainable change in our lives.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
As we end a new decade, it's easy for us to focus on the future. Questions like, "Who do I want to become?" or "What growth do I need?" are quick to come to mind. Today, we cover some thoughts on what it looks like to start a new year and a new decade right! RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
It's Christmas time! Every Christmas, the act of giving easily becomes primary in our minds. But what sort of gifts are we giving? Are they small and short-term? Or are there gifts that we can give others that create new trajectory and health in our lives? We talk through the greatest gift you can give others!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Ben Bennett, author, speaker, and leader of a new initiative with Josh McDowell, joins us today to talk about shame. We walk through 5 steps to dropping shame off of ourselves and how to live a shame-free life.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
SELF-IMAGE: FIVE STEPS TO OVERCOME SHAME (Ben’s blog)
LIVING FREE by Ben Bennett (College Age resource)
UPRISING WEBSITE
What does sexual health look like? Is it sobriety? Or is it more? On today's episode, we discuss the difference between holistic health and sobriety, and how pursuing each plays out in recovery.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
FASTER SCALE (TOOL)
"Intimacy" has become a junk-drawer term today. What does it really mean? Why is it important in relationships? And how can it be created and maintained in our relationships? We talk through these questions on today's episode!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
CONNECTED (Marriage Resource)
HLP EXERCISE
We know that addiction is a part of this world. But there seems to be a tension between being a Christian and also struggling with an addiction. Today we talk through why the church is afraid of the word "addiction," understanding God's power in addictions, and steps needed to break free from addiction.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
We have a new resource out for parents! A book simply titled, How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex. We sat down with the authors, Rodney and Traci Wright to discuss all things this book. We explore this tough topic and give a peek inside the book!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
HOW TO TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX (BOOK)
With the recent news of another public figure in the Christian realm admitting to destructive sexual behaviors, we find ourselves asking, "Is this going to keep happening?" On today's episode, we discuss why this seems to keep happening, how we should respond, what we should do about it, and more!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Promoting groups for sexual brokenness and betrayal is not an easy task. How do you invite others in? What is the best way to do sign-ups? Where should we announce them? In this episode, we jump in on how to best promote Pure Desire groups in your church or community.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
There is tremendous power in sharing our story of God's healing. We discuss 5 tips on crafting a powerful telling of the healing we've experienced in ways that diminish shame, paint a real picture of healing, and invite others into their own healing.
Pure Desire now offers a BRAND NEW way to find healing from sexual brokenness and betrayal: ONLINE GROUPS. We talk about the new online group system and format, we talk about the Certified Group Leaders who lead them, and what you can expect in a Pure Desire Online Group!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
PURE DESIRE ONLINE GROUPS
We find that isolation is the breeding ground of shame and addiction. So, what is isolation? What does it look like? How do we know when we're isolating? If we are, how do we break out of isolation? We talk all of these things on today's episode!
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Is demonic possession present in sexual addiction? When do you disclose to a boyfriend/girlfriend? Are sexual aids ok in the marriage bed? How much is too much to share? These questions and more on today's #PDFAQ episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Separation and divorce are a harsh reality for some on the road to recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal. We talk through how to handle the shame, if it affects our relationship with God, maintaining sobriety throughout, and more.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
EPISODE 070 – STORIES OF HEALING: MIKE MAXWELL
Sexual Addiction Is About Sex = Myth. We sit down to talk about why sexual addiction is not about sex, what it truly is about, how to find freedom, and how to help others avoid buying into the myth.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
UNWANTED: HOW SEXUAL BROKENNESS REVEALS OUR WAY TO HEALINGby Jay Stringer
Our guest hosts dive right into some of the most frequently asked questions when it comes to love, sex, and dating. Questions like: how far is too far? When is the right time to discuss my sexual history? What are some practical boundaries to keep my relationship pure? And even more.
We see in Scripture that Generational Curses are a part of sin entering our world. But are they still a thing today? How do we know we are suffering from generational curses? How do we break free from them? We talk this and more on today's episode.
We have a surprise for you on today's episode. Two guests take over the podcast and talk through frequently asked questions from women regarding sex. This is an episode you won't want to miss!
RESOURCES Contact Info:
Heather Kolbheatherk@puredesire.org
Ashley Jameson
ashleyj@puredesire.org
SEX DURING RECOVERY – EPISODE 057
MOMS & SEX BLOG
UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
We sat down with Scott & Cassie Spicer to hear their story of overcoming addiction and betrayal in their marriage. We discuss when they realized it was a problem, how they finally found freedom, and the impact it has made on their lives. This is a beautiful story of redemption and hope.
RESOURCES REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS
PD-LEADERS PROGRAM
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM
BETRAYAL & BEYOND
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
PURE DESIRE GROUPS
EXPOSEDby James & Teri Kraft
Leading group members through the disclosure process is a very difficult thing for a group leader. Today's episode, we dive into how to handle it, what are do's and don'ts, and what the role of the group leader is in the disclosure process of the group.
RESOURCES EPISODE 106 – FULL DISCLOSURE
THE DISCLOSURE PROCESS
Pornography is becoming more and more mainstream in our culture. As parents, this means we cannot disengage the topic and hope for the best for our kids. Today's episode, we dive into what parents need to know about porn, how to talk to your kids about it, and what your role looks like in the sexual health of your kids.
Being a Pure Desire Group Leader is hard work. And because of the nature of the work, developing as a leader is a necessity. Today, Nick and Trevor talk to Ashley Jameson about what it looks like to get better as a PD Group Leader.
RESOURCES REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS (RGA’S)
REGISTER YOUR GROUP
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (TOOL)
PURE DESIRE CONFERENCE
UNWANTED (BOOK) – JAY STRINGER
RETHINKING SEXUALITY (BOOK) – DR. JULI SLATTERY
We talk to Dr. Juli Slattery about what she calls "Sexual Discipleship." She describes the difficulty of talking about sex in the church, how it changes the church, how sexual discipleship changes the culture, and how it all should look in the church.
RESOURCES AUTHENTIC INTIMACY WEBSITE
RETHINKING SEXUALITY (BOOK)
JULI SLATTERY ON FACEBOOK
Sobriety during the summer is oftentimes a difficult task. On today's episode, we talk through 5 tips on how to maintain healthy sexuality through the summer months.
RESOURCES FULL EPISODE VIDEO (YOUTUBE)
Disclosure is a part of the recovery process. It's a very difficult one, but very necessary. We talk through the definition, purpose, and benefits of a full disclosure. And we also talk through what a proper full disclosure should look like.
Scripture describes sexual sin as one that uniquely affects the body. Today's episode, we spend time talking through Soul Ties. Diane Roberts joins us to talk about what Soul Ties are, how to identify them, and how to break free from them.
Everyone wants a healthy sex life. Period. But what does it actually mean to have one? How often should married couples have sex? What qualifies as good sex? How do you improve the health of your sex life?
Relapse often becomes almost a swear word in the journey to recovery. But what qualifies as a relapse? How should we view relapse on the recovery journey? Can we use relapse for future health? Should we disclose every relapse? All these questions are answered here!
RESOURCES EPISODE 008 – 3 CIRCLES (RELAPSE PREVENTION TOOL)
Gratitude is a topic most of us know well. But how does it benefit us? What role does it play in recovery? How do we develop it? This and more on today's episode!
Today's episode is audio from Trevor and Nick's recent Q&A at a men's breakfast. They talk about length of group, neurochemistry, disclosure, and more!
WE MADE IT TO 100 EPISODES! We spend some time chatting about the past 99 episodes, Trevor's favorites of Nick's intros, and some cool stuff Pure Desire has going for the future!
RESOURCES
FAVORITE EPISODES
Trevor’s:
EPISODE 015 – PERSONAL PROMISES
EPISODE 032 – SINGLENESS & ADDICTION PT. 1
EPISODE 033 – SINGLENESS & ADDICTION PT. 2
EPISODE 041 – MISTAKES CHURCHES MAKE
EPISODE 043 – GROUP GUIDELINES
EPISODE 087 – SWORD DRILL
Nick’s:
EPISODE 068 – FATHER WOUND
EPISODE 044 – PASTORS & PORN
EPISODE 080 – ACCOUNTABILITY SOFTWARE: COVENANT EYES
EPISODE 084 – UNWANTED PT. 1 W/ JAY STRINGER
EPISODE 085 – UNWANTED PT. 2 W/ JAY STRINGER
EPISODE 057 – SEX DURING RECOVERY
EPISODES 020-094 – FAQ EPISODES
TREVOR’S FAVORITE “NICK INTROS”
EPISODE 024 – CHURCH HURDLES
EPISODE 038 – LOVE ADDICTION PT. 1
EPISODE 052 – 8 TIPS FOR LAUNCHING GROUPS
EPISODE 063 – STORIES OF HEALING: PATTY MORENO
EPISODE 087 – SWORD DRILL
EPISODE 095 – UNRAVELED: MANAGING LOVE, SEX, AND RELATIONSHIPS
FUTURE PROJECTS
8-WEEK SEXUAL INTEGRITY VIDEO TRAINING
Why does pastoral moral failure happen as often as is does? Is there anything we can do about it? Will it always be this way? If it does happen, how are we to respond? Today's episode is a heavy one, but it needs to be talked about.
"Counseling" can seem like a taboo topic in the church world. But does it need to be? What if counseling is the one thing to help break those negative habits in our lives? Today's episode we discuss 5 primary reasons to consider getting counseling on your journey to sexual integrity.
RESOURCES PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
The idea of promoting groups for sexual purity and betrayal in the church is not an easy or necessarily fun one. Today we talk about what the best ways are to promote Pure Desire groups in a way that catches more people and gets them the healing they need.
RESOURCES REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS
REGISTER YOUR GROUP
GROUPS FINDER MAP
Is it even possible to own a smartphone and be sexually healthy? The answer is a huge YES! In this episode, we talk through 5 purity hacks to owning and operating a smartphone.
RESOURCES TECH ACTION PLAN EPISODE
TECH ACTION PLAN TOOL
COVENANT EYES: use “PureDesire” promo code to get the first month free!
ACCOUNTABLE 2 YOU
EVER ACCOUNTABLE
What does it look like to have healthy relationships? Is true pure love possible? How should sexuality play out in my life? We spend time talking through our newest women's resource: Unraveled, and what life change women can expect to gain from it.
RESOURCES UNRAVELED
Are wet dreams sinful? How do you manage sobriety on sick days? Why don't we offer same-sex attraction groups? Do we always need group? These are only a few of the questions we address in our newest FAQ episode.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- DM/Message us
RESOURCES SEX DURING RECOVERY (PD Podcast)
SAFE by Nick Stumbo
DIGITAL NATIVES by Bryan Roberts & Heather Kolb
MENDED (Marriage Resource)
PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
FASTER SCALE TOOL
The Commitment to Change (C2C) is a weekly tool that Pure Desire groups use on the road to recovery. But how do we unlock the vast potential of this tool? What makes a C2C effective? How can it help us develop holistic health? Listen in to find out!
RESOURCES COMMITMENT TO CHANGE
Creating a plan for when temptation or triggers show up is always better when done in times of clear thinking and done with brutal honesty. What should this plan look like? What makes an effective escape plan for maintaining sexual integrity? We talk these and more.
RESOURCES ESCAPE PLAN
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM
8 PILLARS TO FREEDOM
UNRAVELED RESOURCE
What do we do if we are caught in our porn/sex addiction? What's the first thing we should do? How can being caught be a good thing for our recovery? These questions and more are answered in this episode.
RESOURCES PURE DESIRE COUNSELING
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM
8 PILLARS TO FREEDOM
CONQUER SERIES
STORIES OF HEALING: ERNIE & JACKIE’S STORY
What do we do if we catch our spouse in a porn/sex addiction? What's the first thing we should do? What are some major pitfalls in how to respond? These are just some of the questions we address in today's episode.
RESOURCES STORIES OF HEALING: ERNIE & JACKIE’S STORY
BETRAYAL & BEYOND (GROUP RESOURCE)
Do women struggle with porn or sexual addiction? How do churches help women who do? What does recovery look like for women? How can we diminish the shame women addicts feel? We answer these questions and more in this episode.
RESOURCES UNRAVELED
STORIES FOR WOMEN
BEHIND THE MASK
What does it take to lead men through healing from sexual addiction? What do I need in order to lead these men? What kinds of support and resources do I need to effectively lead men into sexual integrity? We answer these questions and more in today's episode.
RESOURCES SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM LEADER’S GUIDE
GROUP GUIDELINES
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN
FASTER SCALE
COMMITMENT TO CHANGE
We talk to our founder, Dr. Ted Roberts, about the practical bible studying tool used in our group resources–the SWORD Drill. We look at Nehemiah 8:10 and walk through how to read, experience, understand and implement practical steps from God's word.
RESOURCES READING THE BIBLE WITH RABBI JESUS (BOOK)
We talk to Rick Bulman about how he and his wife, Tiffany, walked through the darkest of times in their marriage and how God took that mess and made it their message. We talk with Rick about what gave them hope and healing, the role of counseling in their recovery, how their relationships have healed, and their new book Mended.
RESOURCES MENDED (BOOK) BY RICK & TIFFANY BULMAN
GOTTMAN INSTITUTE
HOPE FOR MEN
FASTER SCALE
CONNECTED (RESOURCE)
MENDED INSTAGRAM
MENDED FACEBOOK
We talk to Jay Stringer, author, and mental health counselor, about his research and book, Unwanted. We talk to Jay about what he found in his research of almost 4,000 people, how to listen to your lust, and his involvement in the Heart of Man movie.
RESOURCES WWW.JAY-STRINGER.COM
UNWANTED (Jay’s book)
JOURNEY INTO THE HEART OF MAN ONLINE COURSE
HEART OF MAN MOVIE
HEART OF MANon Netflix
We talk to Jay Stringer, Mental Health Counselor and author of the new book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. We talk to Jay about his story and how he got into counseling. We also talk to him about how our sexual failures are roadmaps into our past harm, and how God views our sexuality.
RESOURCES WWW.JAY-STRINGER.COM
UNWANTED (Jay’s book)
JOURNEY INTO THE HEART OF MAN ONLINE COURSE
We talk to the author of Genesis Process and creator of the FASTER Scale tool, Michael Dye. We talk to him about the history of the Genesis Process, how it works, how the FASTER Scale was created, and more.
RESOURCES GENESIS PROCESS WORKBOOK
GENESIS PROCESS WEBSITE
We talk about how much to care about other people's recovery, examples of practical healthy habits in life, if we can or should watch shows like Game of Thrones, what married couples can do after group, and so much more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
We talk to Scott Bradley, Senior Pastor of As Is Church, about forgiveness. We define what forgiveness is, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, how forgiveness changes a family, and more.
RESOURCES FORGIVENESS FACTOR
AS IS CHURCH
We talk to Ron DeeHas, president and co-founder of Covenant Eyes, about accountability software and the role it plays in recovery from sexual addiction. Ron shares the history of Covenant Eyes, the benefits to having accountability software, and what the future holds for accountability software.
RESOURCES NEHEMIAH MINISTRIES
PORN PHENOMENON (COVENANT EYES, BARNA, & JOSH MCDOWELL MINISTRIES)
COVENANT EYES EBOOKS
COVENANT EYES WEBSITE
DIGITAL NATIVES
COVENANT EYES SCREEN-ACCOUNTABILITY
We talk about leading Betrayal & Beyond groups. We talk about what the goal of the group is, who can lead the groups, and what materials are needed for leading. We also discuss how husbands can support their wives as they lead Betrayal & Beyond groups, some best practices and some no's-no's as a leader.
RESOURCES BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
BETRAYAL & BEYOND LEADER’S GUIDE
BETRAYAL & BEYOND PODCAST EPISODE
GROUP GUIDELINES TOOL
GROUP GUIDELINES PODCAST
REGISTER YOUR GROUP HERE
We talk through what to do if you find out your kid is looking at porn. We talk about how to prepare yourself for this potential situation, how to dive into the conversation, some do's and don'ts, and more.
We talk through 3 tips on having a healthy holiday. We discuss handling stress during the holidays, communicating your feelings and its effects, and how to identify isolation.
We talk about the difficult situation of dismissing group members. We talk about when to dismiss group members, what the process looks like, what follow up looks like, what to do when you're the one being dismissed, and more.
RESOURCES GROUP REFERRAL CRITERIA TOOL
GROUP GUIDELINES TOOL
GROUP GUIDELINES PODCAST EPISODE
We talk through five practices for sexual integrity in our thought life. We discuss preparing for the battle each day, practicing breath prayers, the involvement of group members, and more.
We talk about 4 ways to practically renew your mind. We talk about how often these practices should be done, where in Scripture these are supported, and encouragements as we implement them in our lives.
We talk about the situation where your church isn't supportive of Pure Desire groups. We talk through why some churches struggle seeing the need for these groups, how to best respond if this happens, what to do if you're in this situation, and much more.
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions. The questions on today's episode cover topics like how shame diminishes, what to do when a spouse isn't involved in your recovery action plan, how long it takes to get sexually healthy, if disclosure in a dating relationship is ok, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
RESOURCES FASTER SCALE TOOL
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN TOOL
GROUP GUIDELINE’S PODCAST EPISODE
REGIONAL GROUP ADVISORS LIST
We talk through why preaching about sexual integrity and brokenness can be so challenging for the church. We discuss guidelines to preaching on sexual purity, what messages we inadvertently speak when avoiding the topic, how much is too much to share from the stage, and much more.
We hear Mike Maxwell's story of healing from his porn addiction. He talks through what was at the core of his addiction and the destruction that it left in his life. He also talks about when things finally clicked and how God has redeemed his relationships and destiny.
RESOURCES
Email Mike for a copy of his book, Purity Driven Life: mikem@puredesire.org
We talk about Legal Issues that arise in Pure Desire groups. We discuss how often legal issues come up, what types of issues come up, and how groups/group leaders can prepare themselves for potential issues. We also talk through do's and don'ts when handling legal issues and more.
RESOURCES THE SILENT BATTLE by Rich Moore
STATE STATUTES
We talk about the Father Wound. We discuss what it is, how it compares to a Mother Wound, and how to recognize if you have a wound. We also talk through where in Scripture we see the Father Wound, how we address it, and how not to pass it on to our kids.
RESOURCES WHEN HE’S MARRIED TO MOM by Kenneth Adams
SILENTLY SEDUCED by Kenneth Adams
ACT ON LIFE NOT ON ANGER by Georg H. Eifert, Matthew McKay, & John P. Forsyth
We talk about sexual health for single men and women. We discuss what healthy sexuality is, the true definition of intimacy, and what it looks like to pursue sexual health as a single person. We also touch on common misconceptions of sexuality for singles.
We talk about the importance of developing Pure Desire group leaders. We discuss the requirements for being a group leader, what to look for in a potential leader, and things to avoid when looking for new leaders. We also talk through what developing group leaders looks like.
We talk through 6 tips (and a bonus) on leading Conquer Series groups. We discuss leading by example, shaming in group, relationship with God, confidentiality, and more.
RESOURCES CONQUER SERIES KIT
CONQUER SERIES TRAINING & PROMOTIONAL VIDEOS
We talk about maneuvering through the minefield of social media. We discuss how social media can be detrimental to our sexual integrity. We also talk through things to avoid, the positives of social media, and what being a healthy social media user looks like.
RESOURCES TECH ACTION PLAN
We hear Patty Moreno's story of healing from her husband's unfaithfulness. She talks through how God used the refuse in her life and marriage to create a renewed relationship with her husband and a restored ministry in the kingdom.
RESOURCES BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
FASTER SCALE TOOL
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
We hear from Pure Desire's Advancement Specialist and pastor, Rodney Wright. This episode is Rodney's message titled: Bringing Hope & Freedom.
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions. The questions on today's episode cover topics like relapse and consequences, generationally passing addiction down, the role of Group Leaders in groups, comparing traumas, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line: PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
RESOURCES 3 CIRCLES TOOL
CRASH SITE ANALYSIS
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (ADDICTED SPOUSE)
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN (BETRAYED SPOUSE)
PURE DESIRE by Dr. Ted Roberts
We talk through the Arousal Template tool. We discuss what the tool is, the 5 steps to using it, and how it helps us create a game plan for sustained sobriety. We also talk through the length of use for this tool, who you should share it with, and more.
RESOURCES 3 CIRCLES TOOL
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM
UNRAVELED (WOMEN’S RESOURCE REPLACING EIGHT PILLARS TO FREEDOM)
We talk about triggers for sexual addiction. We discuss the different types of triggers and how we can identify them, if these triggers stay constant in life, the role of group accountability, and more.
RESOURCES FASTER SCALE
3 CIRCLES TOOL
We discuss 7 common misconceptions on marriage. We discuss misconceptions like: sex will always be good, your spouse will complete you, you can change your spouse, my spouse's health is my responsibility, and more.
We discuss the role of sex during recovery from sexual addiction. We talk through if it's ok to withhold sex during recovery, how to increase emotional intimacy, how periods of abstinence can help your marriage, and more.
RESOURCES LOVE MAPS CARDS by The Gottman Institute
We talk about our resources and groups available for young women, Behind the Mask. We discuss who the group is for and what the main message is behind the resource. We also talk through why having these groups for young women is so important, how to get groups started, how to develop leaders, and more.
RESOURCES BEHIND THE MASK
We hear Paul Zunker's story of healing from sexual addiction. He talks through the depths of his addiction, the legal issues that it created, and what failed attempts he had made to break free from his addiction. He also shares when it all started to click, how he found freedom, and what life looks like now with freedom from his addiction.
RESOURCES SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM
We talk through 6 healthy nightly routines and how they help in our overall health. We discuss device use, protecting your sleep, planning ahead, meditation, gratitude, and eating habits in regards to how they benefit our holistic health.
We talk about creating healthy guardrails for maintaining sobriety from sexual addiction. We discuss why guardrails are important, what makes a healthy/unhealthy guardrail, and who should be involved in the creation or changing of our guardrails.
RESOURCES 3 CIRCLES TOOL (RELAPSE PREVENTION)
VALUES LIST
We talk through 8 tips for launching Pure Desire groups. We discuss the importance of sharing our story, establishing expectations and standards for groups, and the culture you create in groups. We also give practical tips on how to set your groups up for health and success.
RESOURCES GROUP GUIDELINES
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING
PARENTAL WEB RESOURCES
We discuss the situation where men and women find themselves in a crisis due to sexual addiction. We talk about first steps when a crisis occurs, what things to avoid, and how to help others in crisis. We also discuss the role of group members in crisis and the resources available to anyone in crisis.
RESOURCES FIND A PURE DESIRE GROUP
STORIES FOR MEN
STORIES FOR WOMEN
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions. The questions on today's episode cover topics like withholding sex during recovery, what is sexual health, what the healing journey from sexual addiction looks like, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
We give 5 tips on how to use the FASTER Scale tool. We discuss when to check the FASTER Scale, how to work it, when to talk through it, who to do it with, and it's role in life without Pure Desire Groups.
RESOURCES FASTER SCALE TOOL
FASTER SCALE EPISODE (PODCAST)
We talk about the theology of addiction. We discuss the biblically-based and clinically-informed approach that Pure Desire's takes on healing from sexual addiction. We identify where addiction is in the Bible, why "loving Jesus more" isn't the solution, and why confession isn't enough for true healing. We also talk through why identifying trauma and triggers are necessary for lasting freedom.
We hear Ernie and Jackie's story of healing and redemption of their marriage. They talk through their marital tension caused by Ernie's sexual addiction and how they began their healing journey. They also share with us how their relationships with each other and their community changed through the process of healing.
We discuss maintaining sobriety during the oftentimes difficult summer months. We talk about things to avoid, helpful guardrails, and how to maintain accountability during the summer. We also discuss the opportunities that the summer months possess for finding sexual integrity.
RESOURCES FASTER SCALE
COMMITMENT TO CHANGE
We talk to two of our Regional Group Leaders (RGL's) about the RGL volunteer position. We discuss what an RGL is, why they exist, and how they help churches with Pure Desire groups. We also talk through mistakes churches make when it comes to utilizing their RGL.
RESOURCES FIND YOUR REGIONAL GROUP ADVISOR (RGA)
We talk about the reality of porn/sex addiction in pastoral ministry. We discuss best ways to admit there is a problem, how much pastors should share, and how a church should respond to an admission of addiction from their pastors. We also give encouragement on how to get help and how to best support your pastors in this arena.
RESOURCES PURE DESIRE LEADERS (PDL) PROGRAM
COUNSELING REQUEST FORM
SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM
EIGHT PILLARS TO FREEDOM
CONQUER SERIES
We talk through Pure Desire's Group Guidelines. We talk about the importance and reasoning behind each guideline. We also discuss some misconceptions about the group guidelines and some common ways we break guidelines.
RESOURCES GROUP GUIDELINES
MEMO OF UNDERSTANDING
We talk through our Betrayal & Beyond (B&B) groups and group resources. We discuss why groups are needed for betrayed spouses and reasons why churches tend to not offer these groups. We talk about what it means to find healing from betrayal and how the Betrayal & Beyond group resource helps betrayed spouses on their journey to healing.
RESOURCES BETRAYAL & BEYOND KIT
COUNSELING REQUEST FORM
We talk about common mistakes churches can make when addressing the topic of sexual addiction. We discuss the common approach that churches take when diving into this topic and the issues that it often times creates. We also talk about how to best start this ministry in your church in a way that is inviting and welcoming to people in all seasons of healing.
We talk about family dynamics and how they play out in our daily lives. We discuss how to identify, address, and change the unhealthy dynamics in our families. We also talk through how discuss unhealthy dynamics in a beneficial way and what it looks like to create healthy dynamics in our families.
We talk about Love Addiction. We discuss how to identify if you are a love addict. We talk through why being a love addict is detrimental in life and how to address love addiction. We also give encouragements on how to find freedom from love addiction.
RESOURCES LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION
SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST (SAST)
COUNSELING REQUEST FORM
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN – ADDICT
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN – SPOUSE
8 PILLARS TO FREEDOM
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM
We talk about Love Addiction. We talk through how it differs from sex addiction and also discuss causes and factors that cater to a love addiction. We also talk about if it is just a women's issue, or if men can struggle with it as well.
RESOURCES LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION
SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREENING TEST (SAST)
COUNSELING REQUEST FORM
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN – ADDICT
RECOVERY ACTION PLAN – SPOUSE
8 PILLARS TO FREEDOM
7 PILLARS OF FREEDOM
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ). The questions on today's episode cover topics like why masturbation is harmful, how to get buy-in for starting the Conquer Series, who can struggle with love addiction, when to pursue counseling, and more.
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
We talk about the reality and nature of having difficult group members. We discuss ways to avoid being a difficult group member and mistakes frequently made when dealing with difficult group members. We also talk through ways we've found success in handling difficult group members and what support is offered to group leaders.
RESOURCES FIND YOUR REGIONAL GROUP LEADER
GROUP REFERRAL FOR COUNSELING
We talk about our group Eight Pillars to Freedom. We discuss who the group is for and what the group time looks like. We discuss the differences between sex addiction and love addiction. We also give some tips on some do's and don'ts in an Eight Pillars group.
RESOURCES SEXUAL ADDICTION SCREEN TEST (SAST)
LOVE ADDICTION EVALUATION (LAE)
We talk about the importance of healthy habits on the road to freedom from sexual addiction. We talk through what makes a habit healthy, how to implement lasting habits, and when a habit becomes another addiction. We also give personal examples of healthy habits that have worked in our lives.
We talk to Ben Bennett and Jake Kissack about being single and battling sexual addiction. We discuss ways to educate and help young people address this issue, while also unpacking ways that married couples can encourage and support single friends and what resources are available for single people stuck in addiction.
**RESOURCES** **BOOKS:**
BEHIND THE MASK
TOP GUN
LIVING FREE
WEBSITES:
BEGGARS DAUGHTER
BEN BENNETT’S WEBSITE
BEN’S INSTAGRAM
**BLOG POSTS:**
WHAT YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES (MIGHT) SAY ABOUT YOU by Jay Stringer
SILENCE: THE SOUND OF FEMALE SEXUAL SHAME by Jay Stringer
We talk to Ben Bennett and Jake Kissack about being single and battling sexual addiction. We talk through what it looks like to find sexual freedom as a single person and when it's ok to be in a relationship. We also talk about how to best reach the single demographic with the message of hope and freedom, and what resources are available for single people struggling with addiction.
**RESOURCES** **BOOKS:**
BEHIND THE MASK
TOP GUN
LIVING FREE
WEBSITES:
BEGGARS DAUGHTER
BEN BENNETT’S WEBSITE
BEN’S INSTAGRAM
**BLOG POSTS:**
WHAT YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES (MIGHT) SAY ABOUT YOU by Jay Stringer
SILENCE: THE SOUND OF FEMALE SEXUAL SHAME by Jay Stringer
We talk about our event called Pure Desire University (PD-U). We discuss what the PD-U is and who can attend these conferences. We also talk about what churches will benefit from hosting or attending a PD-U. We talk through how to host or attend a PD-U and why we encourage churches to pursue a PD-U.
RESOURCES Interested in hosting an event: events@puredesire.org
We talk to Ben Bennett about his resource for college-aged men, Living Free. We talk about how the resource came about and what is at the core of its message. We also discuss why reaching the younger generations with freedom is so important and the benefits this freedom brings the church.
RESOURCES
LIVING FREE KIT
We talk to the CEO of KingdomWorks Studios, Jeremy Wiles, about their 10-week cinematic study on sexual addiction called the Conquer Series. We talk about the backstory/history of the Conquer Series and Dr. Ted's involvement in the project. We discuss how the Conquer Series works and what it does. We also discuss the new rollout of Conquer Series 2.0 and all the updated/new tools added.
RESOURCES CONQUER SERIES KIT
We talk through more Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ). The questions on today's episode cover topics like handling relapse in group leadership, who can/should watch the Conquer Series, timeline of full disclosure, healthy habits for engaged couple preparing for sexuality in marriage, and more.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message us
We talk about our Seven Pillars of Freedom groups and group material for addicted men. We discuss what the Seven Pillars are, how often groups meet, and what men need to get Seven Pillars groups going. We also talk through what men need in order to lead Seven Pillars groups.
RESOURCES SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM KIT
We talk about our Seven Pillars of Freedom groups and group material for addicted men. We discuss the history of Seven Pillars and how it compares to your run-of-the-mill bible study. We also talk about the commitment level required to benefit from Seven Pillar groups.
RESOURCES SEVEN PILLARS OF FREEDOM KIT
We talked to Debby Flanagan, a clinician on staff, about when a spouse suspects that their husband/wife is struggling with porn/sex addiction. We discuss what first steps should be taken and what to avoid when addressing the suspicion. We also talk through about what support and resources are available for men or women in this situation.
RESOURCES Ashley JamesonInternational Women’s Groups Coordinator
(503) 558-2923
Rich MooreInternational Men’s Groups Coordinator
(503) 489-0246
Counseling Office(503)-489-0237
We talk to Rodney Wright, pastor at Lake City Church in Idaho, about the struggles and hurdles pastors face when addressing sexual addiction in their church. We discuss what level of pastoral involvement is appropriate, why sexual addiction is a taboo topic, and why it is so important to have groups for people struggling in the church.
RESOURCES PD-LEADERS PROGRAM
We talk to Tyler Chinchen, our Clinical Director, about a situation where an addicted husband/wife sees the need for healing but their spouse is not supportive. We discuss some initial steps for the addict in this scenario and types of resources available to them. We also talk through why a supportive spouse is important in the recovery process and how to include a spouse in that journey.
We talk to Dr. Ted Roberts about what he calls the "Limbic Holiday," aka the Holiday Season. We discuss the issues and struggles that so many have with family and addiction over the holidays. We also talk about ways to maintain sobriety and support your spouse during this stressful season.
We talk to Jackie Chambers, one of our Regional Group Leaders, about disclosing addiction to your kids. We talk about what disclosure is and what it should look like when talking with your kids about addiction in the home. We talk about how to disclose, when to disclose, and discuss ways to keep the conversation going with your kids.
We talk through Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ's) that we hear at our PD-University events. The questions on today's episode cover topics like the neurochemistry of addiction, same-sex attraction, group struggles, identifying the problem in your church, etc.
Submit your questions for future FAQ episodes:
- Email your question to: podcast@puredesire.org
- Use the subject line:PD PODCAST
- DM/Message
We talk to Jackie Chambers, one of our Regional Group Leaders, about starting women's Pure Desire groups at your church. We talk through what makes women's groups unique and what types of women's groups we have available. We also discuss tips and steps to follow when beginning women's groups in your church.
We talk about what it looks like when a betrayed spouse sees the need for healing but their addicted spouse isn't willing to work for freedom. We give encouragement and steps for the betrayed spouse on how to begin healing, and suggest some things they should avoid when trying to initiate change in their marriage, family, and home. We also talk through available resources for betrayed spouses.
We talk with Ashley Jameson (International Women's Groups Coordinator) about the Recovery Action Plan (RAP) tool, previously called Safety Plan. We talk through what a RAP is and the benefits of using the tool - whether someone is struggling with addiction or someone has been affected by another's addiction. We talk about how to best use and develop a RAP and how it is a helpful tool that creates a predetermined process for recovery for anyone whether single, married, or divorced.
We sit down with Bob Vander Meer to talk about Creating a Tech Action Plan for your devices. We talk through what an effective action plan looks like and topics it should address. We also talk through filtering programs and how to avoid finding loopholes in our safety steps.
We talk about a tool known as "Personal (Prophetic) Promises." Personal Promises are used to combine a real-life experience and the truth of scripture into a powerful tool used on the road to recovery. We talk through what a personal promise is, how it should be used, and give some examples on what one should look like.
We spend time talking about how to grow a healthy Pure Desire groups ministry. We talk through what healthy and growing groups look like and how to creating a developing ministry. We also spend time talking through how to identify, train, and develop new group leaders and what role our Regional Group Leaders (RGL's) play. And we also discuss some tips to use and some practices to avoid when working to grow your Pure Desire groups.
We have a special episode this week from our Executive Director, Nick Stumbo. Today's episode is Nick's message from our 2017 Men's Conference - titled "Redeemed."
We talk to Bryan Roberts about weekly group phone calls. Making your weekly phone calls is a big piece to effective groups and healing. But too often, our phone calls are the first thing to go during a busy week. Bryan talks us through the importance of making your weekly phone calls and why they are a part of the healing process for men and women.
We have our co-host, Nick Stumbo, as our guest today to talk about his new book - Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Nick talks us through what the message is of his new book and who it's written for. He also tells how to really get to a place where your church's culture is one of grace and not a performance-based culture.
RESOURCES
SAFE by Nick Stumbo
We talk to Tyler and Shari Chinchen, two of our clinicians on staff, about counseling at Pure Desire. The word "counseling" tends to have a negative connotation attached to it. Tyler and Shari talk us through what counseling looks like and share the outcomes of clinical care. They also give us a practical look at the approach of Pure Desire Counseling.
We talk to Bryan Roberts and Heather Kolb, authors of Digital Natives: Raising An Online Generation. Bryan and Heather talk us through the message, purpose, and reasons for this new book. We talk through the importance of raising your kids with healthy online habits and what role parents, leaders, and mentors have in this area. Pre-order your copy here: puredesire.org/digital-natives
We talk to Harry Flanagan about one of our relapse prevention tools, the 3 Circles Tool. Harry, as one of our Pure Desire Clinicians, has loads of experience with this tool and how to best use it in day-to-day life. He shares with us the importance of having guardrails in our lives to help us maintain purity.
We are privileged to talk to the founders of Pure Desire, Dr. Ted and Diane Roberts. They share about the history of Pure Desire and what sparked it's creation. Ted and Diane also talk through the struggles and victories of 20+ years in this ministry. And we also ask them what their hopes are for the future of Pure Desire Ministries.
We talk to Heather Kolb who is an author, speaker, adjunct professor, and is our Neuroscience Professional at Pure Desire. We talk to Heather about the nature of sexual addiction and how to identify if it really is an addiction. Heather also gives us tools and tips to battling this addiction.
We talk to Robert Vander Meer about the ins-and-outs of the Double Bind and Commitment to Change tools. Robert is a pastor and is also one of our Pastoral Sex Addiction Professionals. We talk through what the confusion is surrounding the Double Bind, and also discuss the keys to an effective Commitment to Change. Robert gives us his experience both as a former sex addict and now as a pastor and counselor.
We talk to our International Women's Groups Coordinator, Ashley Jameson. Ashley talks us through what healthy and effective Pure Desire groups look like. She gives us good practices and some things to avoid.
We talk to our International Men's Groups Coordinator, Rich Moore, about how to implement Pure Desire groups into your church. Rich shares his expertise and experience (over 20 years) with starting, leading, and maintaining groups in his church.
We introduce and discuss the FASTER Scale tool with our Executive Director Nick Stumbo. What is the FASTER Scale? How do we use it? Why is it an effective tool for sexual and emotional health?
We talk to Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, Nick Stumbo. Nick shares about who Pure Desire is, where we come from, and where we are headed.