Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not.

While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection.

And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss, it can bring up a lot for us and those we lead.

Disenfranchised grief refers to a loss that's not openly acknowledged, socially mourned, or publicly supported–you can see how bereavement by suicide fits one of the most common causes of disenfranchised grief.

When people who have lost someone to suicide feel like they cannot talk about their loss without judgment or criticism, disenfranchised grief festers. It can lead to complicated grief, where our recovery and healing become persistent and debilitating to basic day-to-day functioning over a long period of time.

The deep discomfort, shame, and stigma associated with suicide can make it difficult to discuss, so that when you experience bereavement by suicide, you often feel isolated at a time when you carry deep hurt.

On today’s show, you will hear from someone I have known for over two decades who has consistently and steadfastly led with transparency and authenticity no matter what showed up in her life.

Kathy Escobar is co-founder of The Refuge, a hub for healing community, social action, and creative collaboration and #communityheals: Making Spaces for Transformation Accessible for All, non-profits in North Denver, CO. She's a pastor, writer, spiritual director, podcaster, and advocate and author of several books, including Practicing: Changing Yourself to Change the World and Faith Shift: Finding Your Way Forward When Everything you Believe is Coming Apart.

Content note: Extensive discussion of grief and suicide. Please take care of yourself as you listen.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How speaking the truth about her son’s death became part of how Kathy and her family survived it
Why it’s so problematic that we create a split within ourselves as we experience grief
What’s really at stake when grief remains submerged
How shame shows up with grief, especially in bereavement by suicide
Why Kathy says there’s not getting through grief, only learning to live with the rhythms of it
Why we need to get comfortable with the paradoxes of living with grief
How Kathy reconciles realism with hope

Learn more about Kathy Escobar:

Website
Facebook: @kathyescobarauthor
Instagram: @kathyescobarpublic
Twitter: @kathyescobar

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

The Wisdom of Your Body: Finding Healing, Wholeness, and Connection Through Embodied Living, Hillary L. McBride

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Groups are a microcosm of life and the greater systems in which we live and work.

We learn so much about ourselves and others in groups.

They refine our leadership and communication skills. They highlight our growth edges and our capacity for conflict. And they can bring out the best - and the worst - in us, sometimes at lightning speed.

So many of us can recall frustrating and, too often, harmful experiences working in teams. Whether it’s a team member that drags everyone down without support or burdened systems, rules, and bureaucracies that stifle creativity and energy, the words “group project” bring up a lot of feelings.

What comes up when you think about your group or team experiences? And when preparing to join or lead a group or a team, what fears or concerns go through your mind?

Today, I’m excited to welcome back Charlie Gilkey to discuss his new book, Team Habits. He addresses many of the pain points and fears many of us hold when it comes to working in teams with actionable ways to make meaningful change in our team habits.

Charlie Gilkey helps people start finishing the stuff that matters. He's the founder of Productive Flourishing, author of the book Start Finishing and The Small Business Lifecycle, and host of the Productive Flourishing podcast. Before starting Productive Flourishing, Charlie worked as a Joint Force Military Logistics Coordinator while simultaneously pursuing a PhD in Philosophy. He lives with his wife, Angela, in Portland, Oregon.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How attachment to titles and structures makes us feel like we don’t have agency in our teams at work
How work is inherently relational and why it matters how we show up for each other
Why efforts to democratize corporate structures have to consider the emotional and social components of decision-making
How solid team habits protect against one person dragging down the group
The difference between the values on the floor and the values on the wall, and why we need to bring them together
How small, mundane changes make significant impact to your team culture over time
Why we need to be able to show up as our full selves in our teams

Learn more about Charlie Gilkey:

Better Team Habits
Productive Flourishing
Twitter: @CharlieGilkey
Instagram: @productiveflourishing
Facebook: @ProductiveFlourishing
Connect with Charlie on LinkedIn

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rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, Leidy Klotz
Management by objectives

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When you look back on your career trajectory, what do you notice?

Do you see an even trajectory in your career path? Or has your career taken some hard curves outside of the expected norms?

What can seem like a setback in our planned career path can sometimes lead us to experiences that we would never have pursued - opening us up to ideas and possibilities that we would never have imagined.

It is moments like these that can often help us break free from the machine of proving, striving, and grinding and actually reconnect to who we truly are and what we really want to contribute with our lives.

Of course it’s true that setbacks in our professional plans can be costly, painful, and downright scary. Some of the pain of setbacks can take a toll on our confidence and well-being and finances.

But the time between paths, as we hop off the hamster wheels of shoulds to figure out who we are and what we want to do, isn’t wasted.

Today’s guest has moved through deep disappointment when the job she had been working towards suddenly fell through. And she has also co-founded a female-led tech business with a commitment to mental well-being with her staff by cultivating an environment where everyone feels valued, heard, and motivated to contribute their unique skills and perspectives.

Martha Bitar is the CEO of Flodesk, a visually stunning and user-friendly platform that helps creators sell online and design emails people love to get. Martha is known for her passion for people, design, and helping small business owners succeed.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Martha conflated her worthiness with professional accomplishment, and the moment she finally paused to ask herself what she really wanted
How reconnecting with her body and her physical reactions helped steer Martha towards work that actually excited her
Why Martha is so passionate about helping small businesses make the most of email marketing
The values that Martha and her co-founder deliberately infused into Flodesk from the beginning
Why Martha says that Flodesk does not have a culture and how it impacts their hiring practices
How Flodesk strives to support the true wellbeing of their team members

Learn more about Martha Bitar:

Flodesk
Instagram: @flodesk

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rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

The Baddies, Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler
Forrest Gump

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Do you have a relationship with play?

Do you integrate time to play into your life around work and rest?

Or does play feel elusive or like a luxury?

If it does, you’re not alone.

So many of us are weary and weighed down, trying to stay afloat while keeping up with life, work, and being engaged citizens. And we live in a culture that continues to prioritize work and productivity over play and rest.

But building a relationship with play can be an antidote to toxic hustle productivity. And play can help quiet the noise in our minds and temporarily distract us from our burdens, leaving us in a better place to come back and tackle them.

Today, I’m so excited to dig into the benefits of play with Gary Ware.

Gary Ware, the Founder of Breakthrough Play, is a corporate facilitator, keynote speaker,

certified coach, and author of the book Playful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of Play. Gary has over 14 years of experience in the corporate world holding various leadership positions. Gary also comes with nearly a decade of experience as a performer in improv theater.

After experiencing burnout in his pursuit for success and happiness, he realized that what was missing was play. Committing to a life of play is what led Gary to discover his passion for facilitating. Gary uses the power of applied improvisation and other playful methods to assist people in unlocking creativity, confidence, and better communication. Gary was recently featured as one of the Top 100 HR influencers of 2021 by the Engagedly HR software platform. When Gary isn't leading workshops or speaking, you can find him learning magic or off on an adventure with his wife Courtney and sons Garrett and Cameron.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Gary defines play as an accelerant
How we become play-deprived and how that contributes to burnout
Why adults need to reclaim play and rebel against productivity culture
Tips for bringing play into your work life and enlivening meetings
Why play needs to be an invitation and you can’t just book a ropes course
Three major barriers to play and their antidotes
How to find micro moments of play and rest in your day

Learn more about Gary Ware:

Breakthrough Play
Instagram: @garyware
Connect with Gary on LinkedIn
Playful Rebellion: Maximize Workplace Success Through The Power of Play

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Hilton Carter
Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Stuart Brown
7 Gems Of Intercultural Creativity, Genein Letford
Ted Lasso
Real Genius

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Have you ever wondered if you are too much or too needy?

We carry a lot of baggage around our needs, others’ needs, and the many mixed messages about having needs but doing everything possible to not be seen as ‘being needy’.

The result? A relentless pursuit to keep our needs hidden, fueling feelings of scarcity, shame, and worry.

But needs are an inherent part of being human.

In a society that has weaponized needs so that if you need, you are “needy,” the idea of expressing our needs even evokes fear and shame.

And we’ve created a moral binary around needs–good to have needs, bad to be needy, or good to help people but bad to be helped–which is exhausting and only serves to prop up the myth of rugged individualism.

Today’s guest joins me for a deep dive exploring our complicated relationship with needs and neediness. Mara Glatzel is the author of the book Needy, and we’re digging into how we come to see our needs as problems, as objects of shame, as feelings to heal or to banish, instead of as natural and normal.

Mara Glatzel, MSW (she/her) is an author, intuitive coach, and podcast host who helps humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy rhythms. Her superpower is saying what you need to hear when you need to hear it and she is here to help you believe in yourself as much as she believes in you.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How expressing our needs is rooted in a desire to be known, prioritized, and to feel like we matter
The social and cultural barriers to truly claiming and expressing our needs
How prioritizing and centering your needs challenges the narrative that your value is in what you can do
How we can validate others’ needs without necessarily having the capacity to meet them
Key practices for identifying and honoring your needs and building your capacity for discomfort
Differentiating between self-responsibility and hyper-individualism

Learn more about Mara Glatzel:

Website
Instagram: @maraglatzel
Needy Podcast
Needy: How to Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

Say It Out Loud: Using the Power of Your Voice to Listen to Your Deepest Thoughts and Courageously Pursue Your Dreams, Vasavi Kumar
Emily King - “Remind Me”
Shrinking
Madam Secretary

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Inclusion.

It’s a word that evokes strong emotions and reactions for many people. Some see it as a polarizing issue that elicits extreme rhetoric, while others recognize the need for us to confront discomfort and take responsibility for the impact of our leadership.

We have to consider what inclusion means to us, what it feels like, and how it shows up in our work and personal lives.

Because all too often, inclusion is reduced to a performative, box-checking act, instead of an opportunity to invest time, resources, and effort towards sustainable building inclusivity.

In a world that values efficiency and productivity, embracing inclusion can be uncomfortable. It requires introspection, cultural change, and a departure from traditional notions of power.

Inclusion is inconvenient because it compels us to think differently and confront our own biases. It also reveals how those in dominant cultures often prioritize their own inclusion, sometimes at the expense of others.

But true inclusion benefits everyone.

To foster true inclusion, leaders need to engage in deep work and shift their perspectives, beliefs, and actions. This transformation allows for the recognition and appreciation of all perspectives and contributions, ensuring that those in positions of privilege actively dismantle exclusionary systems.

Skilled leaders, like today’s guest, who guide individuals in this journey play a crucial role in creating a more inclusive society.

Dr. Sand Chang (they/them) is a Chinese American nonbinary psychologist, trainer, author, and DEI/organizational consultant with more than 20 years of experience. Through compassionate engagement, they partner with organizations and teams seeking meaningful structural and interpersonal change. Dr. Chang’s work is grounded in social justice, cultural awareness, and humility. Their areas of emphasis include trauma-informed diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), LGBTQ populations, trans health, and body liberation related to racial justice, and eating disorders.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Stretching beyond diversity to inclusivity and why a seat at the table isn’t enough
Why it’s essential to acknowledge the power differentials in our spaces and to do the work to deconstruct them
How organizations can move beyond optics to doing the work to support true inclusion
How urgency, perfectionism, shame, and fragility create barriers to progress
How bias and exclusion in research impact how we understand mental and physical health, and the limitations of “evidence-based” practices
Why people from privileged identities need to fight for marginalized people

Learn more about Dr. Sand Chang:

Website
Instagram: @heydrsand

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto, Tricia Hersey
Sort Of
Girls Just Want to Have Fun

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Are you a safe person?

Do you cultivate and lead spaces that are safe?

And how do you know the difference between lack of safety and discomfort?

The hard truth is that we can never declare a person or a space “safe.” We can do all we can to cultivate safety within ourselves and we can be intentional about doing our best to be safe but we cannot name a space or a person safe. That is for others to decide. Which is vulnerable and challenging.

If we want to increase our capacity for discomfort and work towards being safe, it will require us to get really clear on how we can be unsafe along with discerning the difference between safety and discomfort.

And if we truly want to be a part of cultivating safe spaces and be safe people to others, we have to build our capacity for discomfort to: be wrong, make mistakes, be misunderstood, set and maintain boundaries, speak up when harm happens, and take ownership of our part when harm is done. This is something we need to feel through, not just think through.

Today’s guest digs into the difference between safety and discomfort, and the qualities we show when we are actually unsafe people.

Tasha Hunter, MSW, LCSW is a Black, queer Internal Family Systems therapist. She is the owner of Ascension Growth Center, PLLC, servicing clients in North Carolina and Kansas. She serves Black/BIPOC women, and LGBTQ+. She is the author of the memoir, What Children Remember, and host of the podcast " When We Speak". She is passionate about speaking about adult child trauma, suicide, and collective healing and liberation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The basic tenets of creating a safer space
Why the goal of a harm-free space isn’t attainable, and why it matters more what happens when harm occurs
Why creating safe spaces is a practice, not an end point
Discerning the difference between discomfort and unsafety
Breaking down the qualities and behaviors of an unsafe person or space
How we can be unsafe to ourselves

Learn more about Tasha Hunter MSW, LCSW:

Website
Instagram: @tashahunterlcsw
What Children Remember
She Lives Her Truth
When We Speak Podcast

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

How to Make Yourself an Unsafe Person
We Should All Be Millionaires: A Woman's Guide to Earning More, Building Wealth, and Gaining Economic Power, Rachel Rodgers
All These Rivers and You Chose Love, Jaiya John
The Altar Within: A Radical Devotional Guide to Liberate the Divine Self, Juliet Diaz
"Be Easy," Alice Smith

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Conflict and discomfort are inevitable–in all areas of our work and life.

Now, most of us carry some kind of relational or betrayal trauma.

And these burdens impact how we lead and move through conflict, discomfort, and difference.

So when a rupture happens, there is often a rush to find comfort with some kind of a bid for repair. But if we do not do the work to reflect on our own systems’ needs first, we can end up doing more harm and continue to feel hooked by a situation.

Without this internal reflection, we can often default to actions that result in the opposite of our desired intention.

But this work gives us more choices and when we have more choices, we are less likely to feel trapped, panicked, and stuck.

And when we feel like we have more agency in our relationships, we feel more connected and close to those we lead and love.

Toni Herbine-Blank is the founder and director of the Intimacy from the Inside Out© training programs. She is a senior trainer for IFS-I and has been developing curriculum for the application of IFS to couples therapy for many years. She teaches nationally and internationally, delivering workshops and trainings for therapists interested in using IFS with multiple systems. She has co-authored two books on her methodology and enjoys time with her partner and her animals in the mountains of Durango, Colorado where she lives.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why the ability to differentiate ourselves from our partnerships is necessary for connection
Why the Intimacy from the Inside Out process starts with a U-turn toward the self
How the U-turn subverts the protective urge to blame and shame in moments of conflict
How our early wounds around getting our needs met impact our adult relationships
Why shame is the most common source of relationship rupture
Why the existence of conflict in a relationship isn’t the problem, but the way we pursue repair can be

Learn more about Toni Herbine-Blank:

Website
Instagram: @intimacyinsideout

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
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Resources:

Nonwhite and Woman: 131 Micro Essays on Being in the World

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Your past experiences and relationships inform how you lead and run your business today, whether you are aware of it or not.

Overworking, perfectionism, fear of failure, crappy boundaries due to people pleasing or micro-managing can all stem from our relational history.

One of the more insidious aspects of trauma that can impact leaders and entrepreneurs is relational trauma, which can be difficult to identify and heal.

Unhealed relational trauma wounds often lie outside of our awareness leading to an unconscious drive to repeat the painful patterns we experienced in our present-day business and leadership.

My guest today wrote an email last summer about the connection between her relational trauma and how she is setting up her current business. She detailed some of the systems she has in place so she can serve the best right fit people while also protecting her energy and making sure she is not replicating her relational trauma in her business. I immediately sent her a reply to her email and invited her on the podcast. I am so honored she said yes.

Heidi Taylor is a business and sales coach with over a decade of experience. She helps experienced, high-touch service-based business owners increase sales conversion rates and demonstrate their expertise with a strong intake and sales process.

Heidi has a remarkable ability to help you feel confident in your sales process by helping you develop solid intake forms and asking better questions so you get straight into the sales conversation with confidence in both the buyer's intentions and your own ability to demonstrate the value of the service you have to offer.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How healing from her childhood experiences taught Heidi that she needed to slow down her sales process
Why Heidi’s boundary document is an integral part of building relationships of mutual respect with her clients
How building her business actually gave Heidi tools and confidence to address the traumas in her personal life
How Heidi approaches sales with curiosity and collaboration, rather than tactics that can be manipulative
How Heidi has redefined success after sacrificing her health and wellbeing in her early career

Learn more about Heidi Taylor:

Website
Connect with Heidi on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

Spare, Prince Harry
Everything Everywhere All At Once
The Breakfast Club
Stutz

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Do you consider yourself a sensitive person when it comes to sounds, smells, physical sensations, or taste?

Do you judge this kind of sensitivity in yourself or others?

Many people feel caught in the vice grip of having a nervous system that responds strongly to various kinds of sensory stimulation while also feeling judged and deeply misunderstood for being sensitive to things that others appear not to be bothered by in their day-to-day lives.

If you feel like you are too much or know someone who feels and responds to various stimuli deeply, then today’s show is for you.

My guests are speech and language pathologists who, like many, many support specialists, join me in my commitment to create spaces that welcome all and move away from ableist standards we have on what it means to be ‘normal’ and healthy. And they are committed to helping kids and the adults in their lives show up authentically without masking and hiding to appease the way things have always been done.

Jessie Ginsburg is a Sensory Integration trained speech-language pathologist and CEO of Pediatric Therapy Playhouse, a top-rated clinic in Los Angeles. Through her international publications and talks, and her global Inside Out Sensory Certificate Program, Jessie inspires a new way of thinking about the speech-language pathologist’s role in supporting autistic children.

Chris Wenger is an enthusiastic school-based SLP, internationally-acclaimed presenter, and creator of the Dynamic Assessment of Social Emotional Learning. A prominent thought leader in the field of speech pathology, and known on social media as “Speech Dude,” Chris motivates and entertains fellow educators and clinicians through his humorous and inspiring posts and videos.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why it’s important to understand why people stim not suppress behaviors that may not make sense to neurotypical people
Why Jessie and Chris believe in flipping the script on traditional therapies and using a model of client strengths and autonomy to guide their work
Why labels like high or low functioning are not only unhelpful but can actually be damaging
The disheartening statistics that show the harm in expecting neurodivergent people to mask and conform to neurotypical expectations
Why parents and educators need to be mindful of the goals and expectations they set for neurodivergent children

Learn more about Jessie Ginsburg & Chris Wenger:

www.sensoryslp.com
www.speechdude.com
Instagram: @sensory.slp & @speechdude
TikTok: @sensory.slp & @speechdude

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rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

How to Support PDAers
PDA by Pdaers: From Anxiety to Avoidance and Masking to Meltdowns
What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture, Gabor Maté
Are You Fully Charged?: The 3 Keys to Energizing Your Work and Life, Tom Rath
Zach Brown Band
Black Bird
Stutz
Teen Witch
The Great Outdoors
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Caddyshack

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What does it mean to you to be broken? To be normal? And who gets to decide what it means to be broken or whole?

We live in a culture obsessed with fixing anything deemed broken - from stuff to people.

We need to create spaces where we do not see difference as broken.

And we do this by not settling for our current ways of navigating our discomfort with difference while pushing back on the burdened definition of what is normal and what is broken.

But inclusion is inconvenient. It is also uncomfortable. And awkward.

Facing your discomfort with difference and neurodivergence means facing your ableism.

Which is why I was so excited and honored to talk with today’s guest. His book is a beautiful testament to so those with neurodivergence and other intersectional identities that have been marginalized. It is written beautifully and is now my number one recommend when people ask for a book to read about autism.

Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for the Independent and the author of the book We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He is also a columnist for MSNBC. He previously worked as an assistant editor at the Washington Post’s Outlook section and an associate editor at The Hill, as well as a correspondent for National Journal, MarketWatch, and Roll Call. He has also written for the Daily Beast, the New Republic, and Salon.com. Garcia is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Eric connected the dots between bad or debunked ideas about autism and bad public policy around autism and neurodivergence
Why Eric maintained a journalist’s approach to his book, rather than writing a personal memoir
How a chance conversation led to Eric’s wrestling with his fear of being “outed” and internalized ableism
How Eric navigated consent and inspiration or pity “porn” when sharing other autistic people’s stories
How Eric has recontextualized the asterisks on his successes and taken ownership of his accomplishments

Learn more about Eric Garcia:

Website
Twitter: @EricMGarcia
We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

Electable: Why America Hasn't Put a Woman in the White House . . . Yet, Ali Vitale
The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York, Robert A Caro
The Bear
Andor
Glass Onion

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When you see a need or have a vision for something, what do you do? Especially when there is a lot going on in your life and in the world. Do you jump in and take action or do you get in your head with all the what-ifs and to-do lists so much so that you do not even start to explore or take action?

Many of us do both.

But there are folks who take action and do something that supports the greater good, even when it feels too hard and there are many, many unknowns.

They take risks, make hard decisions, and commit to their values with laser focus while leading with generosity, boundaries, and tenacity.

With so much unknown when the pandemic hit, it would have been easy for Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen to keep their vision for a new business in their heads and wait until things were less chaotic.

But they did the opposite.

They dove in with their vision for a new business that represented so much more than the products they were creating but became a true extension of their DNA and values.

Three years ago, they started IZOLA, a bakery making sourdough bread, croissants, and rolls. And they have transformed from lowering orders from their window to a thriving community hub in San Diego.

Jeffrey Brown is a prolific business builder who is passionate about creating fully immersive experiences - from reimagining the bakery industry and serving hot from the oven sourdough and croissants resulting in San Diego's only 5-star bakery to telling Pulitzer-recognized stories through film and photography.

Jennifer Chen has a background in e-commerce. She has spent the last 20 years building multi-million dollar brands in the areas of merchandising, product development, and business development. Now as co-founder of IZOLA, Jennifer has been able to utilize this experience and apply it to a new industry.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Jeffrey and Jennifer translated their love of bread into a way to connect with their community during COVID lockdowns
How they infused IZOLA with their values as the business started to grow and how that impacts how their hire and lead their team
Why they chose to use grassroots funding efforts rather than traditional methods of raising capital
How therapy helps Jennifer and Jeffrey create boundaries between their relationship and their business and navigate conflict
How their prior work experiences outside the food world have shaped IZOLA’s processes

Learn more about Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen:

IZOLA
Instagram: @izolabakery
Google

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rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

EP 57: Toxic Proving, Gender Bias, and the Not-Enough Loop with Wendy Collie

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“Do you respect yourself when you look back on the hard times in your life?”

Do you look back on your hard times and feel good about how you led yourself and others? And when you go through a perfect storm of events in your life, what are the certainty anchors and relationships that helped you stay afloat when it felt hard to keep breathing?

Taking the time to honestly reflect on how we feel about ourselves and our choices during a hard time helps us stay present in how we want to lead and live when the next challenge comes our way.

That’s why I wanted to talk with a few people who left me in awe of the care, forethought, and leadership they displayed throughout the pandemic. While everyone had their own stew of factors that complicated that time, leaders dealt with not only navigating the crisis themselves but offering guidance and vision for those they led.

Today’s guest is someone who knows that leading is not about perfection but instead about striving to improve while offering herself and others grace to screw it up and make mistakes while moving forward towards their collective commitments.

As a massage therapist and Doctor of Physical Therapy, Kristen Knightly Campbell is the Regional Director for Catalyst Physical Therapy and Wellness which has 3 clinics and 3 professional sports partnerships in San Diego, CA.

From 2012-2016, Kristen also worked with the United States Soccer Federation with youth, Paralympic and Olympic-level teams. She was primarily with the US Women’s National Soccer Team as they prepared for and won the 2015 Women’s World Cup in Canada. In 2016, Kristen stepped away from traveling with the team to start her family, teach at Point Loma Nazarene University in the Masters of Kinesiology program and dive further into her leadership role at Catalyst.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Kristen navigated the early days of COVID advocating for her team while understanding the concerns of the owner, all while on maternity leave
Why having a foundation of real respect and trust with her boss is essential to resolving conflict
How letting go of perfectionism and welcoming vulnerability has evolved Kristen’s leadership style
How COVID has impacted not only the way they deliver services, but also relationships between staff and management
How Kristen has navigated the emotional toll of COVID with an immunocompromised child

Learn more about Kristen Knightly Campbell:

Catalyst Physical Therapy and Wellness
Instagram: @catalystptandwellness

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Resources:

Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens
Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement, Tarana Burke
Drake White - Makin’ Me Look Good Again)
Instant Family
Dirty Dancing
Top Gun

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Psychedelics are having a mainstream moment.

They continue to gain a bigger presence in our cultural awareness beyond their druggy stereotype over the last several decades.

Psychedelics also continue to grow as an approach to treating certain mental health conditions leading many people to rethink the role of these drugs from solely being dangerous to possible catalysts of healing.

Over the last several years, studies using psychedelics like Ketamine and MDMA have been released focusing on complex PTSD and depression in individuals who had what was dubbed “treatment resistant.”

The early results and continued results show incredible promise and are beginning to stretch views on the use of psychedelics beyond just party drugs and into powerful and legitimate supports to healing.

So, I started doing my own review of the research to find trusted resources to learn from who also understood the many layers–clinically, socially, economically, and legally–surrounding psychedelics as they gain a more mainstream lens and more people are using them to support their mental wellbeing.

My inquiries led me to today’s incredible and wholehearted Unburdened Leader guest.

Victor Alfonso Cabral is a collaborative and strategic leader who is committed to making an impact on historical inequalities in his community and beyond. Victor serves as the Director of Policy and Regulatory Affairs for Fluence Training, a company that provides evidence-based training in psychedelic-assisted therapy and psychedelic harm reduction and integration services (PHRI) to clinicians across the world. Victor is also a Licensed Social Worker and practicing psychotherapist with training in Internal Family Systems, psychedelic-assisted therapy, and psychedelic harm reduction and integration. He is listed on Students for Sensible Drug Policy’s list of 40 Under 40 Outstanding BIPOC Leaders in Drug Policy in the United States and received the 2022 Emerging Social Work Leader Award from the National Association of Social Workers of Pennsylvania.

Please note: Much of what is discussed is still not legal in most states and studies. This is a conversation and not a blanket permission slip to use these powerful substances without specialized and caring support. Stay curious and discerning.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How connecting with his community as a struggling young adult informed Victor’s call to servant leadership and his healing journey
How a harm reduction approach to setting and safety informs Victor’s approach to psychedelics
Potential red flags to be aware of with psychedelic experiences and facilitators
Why it’s vital to consider the structural issues inherent in our cultural and legal systems when considering who benefits and profits from psychedelics
How Victor’s personal experiences with healing with psychedelic support have allowed him to unburden and tap into joy, liberation, and authenticity

Learn more about Victor Cabral:

Fluence Training
Connect with Victor on LinkedIn
Instagram: @aWondrousMind
Twitter: @aWondrousMind

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

We Are the Medicine
Fireside Project
Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, adrienne maree brown
Journal of Radical Permission: A Daily Guide for Following Your Soul's Calling Sonya Renee Tyalor and adrienne maree brown
2Pac - “Changes”
Atlanta
Do the Right Thing

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Rugged individualism occupies the heart of American mythology.

We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. We ignore structural inequality and rely on our “can do” attitudes. We take on the personal shame of job loss or bankruptcy or health struggles.

And we unquestionably accept that to make it in America, all we need to do is work hard.

Are we happier and is our society stronger for all our self-reliance? Or does individualism exacerbate the political, social, and interpersonal issues that cause us all so much pain? And in what ways do we collude with this toxic myth as we lead and support others around us?

In today’s leadership roundtable conversation, my guests discuss how addressing the cultural burden of individualism is a powerful place to start when looking to also address the cultural burdens of racism, sexism, and consumerism.

Deran Young is a licensed therapist, CDWF, CDTL, Co-Author of the New York Times Best Seller, You Are Your Best Thing, retired military officer, and the founder of Black Therapists Rock.

Black Therapists Rock is a nonprofit organization that mobilizes over 30,000 mental health professionals committed to reducing the psychological impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma. Deran is a leading influencer and public figure committed to spreading mental health awareness and improving health equity.

Dr. Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books, including his latest book, No Bad Parts, and over fifty articles about IFS.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Four cultural legacy burdens and how they impact everything from our personal lives to our government
How individualism helps perpetuate denial of systemic burdens
The difference between shame and guilt as we identify the burdens we carry
How addressing the parts of you that hold our cultural burdens can keep overwhelm and shame from activating
Why curiosity and compassion are not the same as complicity
Why clarity is the opposite of denial

Learn more about Deran Young:

Black Therapists Rock
You Are Your Best Thing
Facebook: Black Therapists ROCK™
Instagram: @blacktherapistsrock

Learn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:

IFS Institute
No Bad Parts

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

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How we talk about health matters.

Conversations about health are pervasive–when we get to know each other, when we play catch up, at kid pick-ups, and in between calls or meetings.

Many of us see these conversations as benign since they are so commonplace and seem universal in their relatability.

Yet, these conversations matter because so many of our beliefs around health are connected to a more complicated web of power and profit that burdens our culture and our own well-being.

Those beliefs can often be traced back to diet culture which fat-shames, fuels disordered eating practices and more serious clinical eating disorders, and spikes feelings of depression and anxiety.

Diet culture is not just a trendy hashtag or something to police our words. It impacts all of us - whether we feel like we are sucked into it or not.

Diet culture fuels orthorexia which places moral meaning on the food we eat, what our bodies look like, and the kind of fitness we engage in.

Diet culture demonizes ways of eating and elevates others- not based on sound science but trends often promoted by influencers and celebrities.

Today’s guests are doing incredible work countering dangerous and inaccurate views of fitness and health. They offer accessible training that honors the positives of movement for ALL in ways that do not fuel a toxic obsession with fitness and health. And they share their windy journey in the fitness space that led to their philosophy and approach today.

Lauren and Jason Pak are a personal training duo on a mission to bring a more grounded and reasonable approach to health and fitness. They have been personal trainers for 16 years and owned a gym for nearly a decade, and throughout that time they've come to realize that the extremes that exist in the fitness industry lead to intimidation and a lack of confidence, so they are out to combat that messaging in order to help people feel more empowered to take on their own health and fitness endeavors.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Lauren and Jason both struggled with extremes in the fitness and health worlds before landing on their “reasonably fit” approach
Why Jason and Lauren believe that developing a fitness plan is a conversation, not a list of shoulds or trends
How seeing her clients yo-yo between joy at accomplishment and despair at the scale impacted Lauren’s self-talk and the way she trains for herself and others
Why they don’t discourage clients from “scratching the itch” of a trendy workout
How they create messaging in their social media that goes against toxic diet and fitness culture

Learn more about Jason and Lauren Pak:

Website
The Reasonably Fit Podcast
Instagram: @jasonandlaurenpak
TikTok: @jasonandlaurenpak

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

$100M Offers: How To Make Offers So Good People Feel Stupid Saying No, Alex Hormozi
Norah Jones
Sia - "Unstoppable"
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Music From and Inspired By
The Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
The Challenge: All Stars
The Sandlot
Dead Poets Society

$100M Offers: How To Make Offers So Good People Feel Stupid Saying No

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We need to talk about power.

Like, get into the nitty gritty details on what we believe about power, how we move around power, and how we see ourselves in relationship to power.

We need to get really clear on how we define it so we can truly understand the impact that our definitions of power have on our beliefs and actions.

There are too many examples of people in power who still have a dated and toxic view of power while others struggle to see themselves as powerful.

Our relationship to power impacts our choices, as children, when we set out to have careers, and in our relationships with others.

My guest today showed me how we–especially those who identify as women–have a harder time embracing power versus empowerment and how our incomplete definitions of power welcome the more palatable empowerment lens, but fear or reject the true roots of empowerment.

Kelly Diels is a thinker, teacher, and "development coach for culture makers".

Over the last 10 years, she has worked with NY Times best-selling authors, national and international feminist organizations, and thousands of online entrepreneurs. Her research & frameworks are designed to help you get out of shame and into power — so you can make the difference you’re dreaming of in your business, in your life, and in our wider culture. Her approach is grounded in her training as a political theorist and feminist theorist. She is the first in her family to graduate from university. Parenting five children who are black has given Kelly a ringside seat for the bias, discrimination, and harassment they live with on a daily basis — and the anger, anguish, and grief drives her to use whatever resources she has to change our cultural systems.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Unpacking the difference between empowerment and power, and why we need to embrace generative, skilled forms of power in our lives
How to begin reclaiming power from what others have shamed in you
Why changing your relationship to shame and power is more than an individualistic mindset problem
How Kelly’s changing relationship to power and systemic injustice impacted her relationships
What it means to an intentional, deliberate culture maker
How Kelly has flipped “high maintenance” into a positive asset that helps her uphold her standards and boundaries

Learn more about Kelly Diels:

Website
Instagram: @kelly.diels
Subscribe to the Sunday Love Letter

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Architectural Digest
Panic! At The Disco - “High Hopes"
Succession
Dirty Dancing

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When we ignore our collective losses and tragedies, we only compound the pain they generate.

And when we feel like our pain is ignored or we cannot share it, remembering can become complicated. And how we lead can become toxic.

No matter your age, you have moments in your life that are embedded in your nervous system–the time, the place, who you were with–when something significant happened in your world that shook you to your core.

When we experience significant collective losses, who we were with and how we connected impacts how we metabolize shock, grief, or horror, as we grapple to make sense of the experience in the moment.

And the sense of community, or lack thereof, we feel during those moments also impacts our remembering.

When we remember together, we comfort each other. And we also come together to ask the hard questions that support change that sustains.

Over the last 2 years, the January 6th Committee has gathered an incredible amount of data, eyewitness accounts, and transcripts of many conversations that led to the Insurrection. Formal criminal recommendations have just been sent to the Department of Justice as the committee prepares to close down.

And for this year’s anniversary, I am replaying my conversation with Julie Tagen, Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, who served on the January 6th committee.

Julie Tagen is the Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, (MD-08). She is a veteran leader in DC politics and campaigns. She is committed to leaving a legacy to the next generation of leaders who will continue the work she has cared so much about for over two decades.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Julie’s first-hand account of what she experienced on January 6 and what she learned about herself that day and in the aftermath
How Julie has kept cynicism at bay and how she defines success after 25+ years in politics
Why Julie believes it is critical for politicians to address the cultural issues in their communities to win voters
How Julie’s experience as a gay, Jewish woman in politics have evolved since her first job and coming out in the 90s
Why we should be paying closer attention the Congressional investigation into the events of January 6

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Vicarious Traumatization: An Empirical Study of the Effects of Trauma Work on Trauma Therapists, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian
Transforming the Pain, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Karen W Saakvitne
Four Hours At The Capitol, HBO Original Documentary

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Today I am bringing back my annual debrief to the podcast.

Looking back on 2022 has been fruitful and offered a lot of data collecting. You know I love to collect data and review what choices, behaviors, and commitments were kept and which of them were not honored.

But looking back has not always been a practice or something I enjoyed. In fact, it felt counterintuitive to me. I know many business spaces normalize this practice but a trauma-informed lens, plus working with hundreds of people over the years, has taught me that practices which in theory should be filled with ease can really stir up whatever echoes of burdens we are carrying.

I feel like for most of my life has been forging ahead with little reflection on looking back. As a result, my inner system felt like it was dangerous to look back.

But when I shifted to looking back as data collection, and not connected to my identity, worthiness, or safety, looking back became a part of my practice of curiosity, noticing, and integration.

In fact, I can’t not look back now, as I want to reflect on patterns, habits, experiences, and changes.

The deep change we want in our lives, in our business, in our relationships, and in our well-being comes with regular reflection and data collection so we can make the needed tweaks and adjustments over time.

Taking time, even into the new year, to truly reflect can even lead to unburdening. Protect this time. And honor the dreams and desires you have for the upcoming year by taking the time to collect the much-needed data that will help download what is in your head and heart into a lived experience.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The many reasons I worked to embrace “slow” in 2022
Why “space” and “pace” are my words for 2023
How committing to space and pace will encompass honoring boundaries and commitments
My favorite movies, TV shows, books, and experiences of 2022

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Bear
The Good Fight
Severance
Shining Girls
Miss Marvel
She-Hulk
Stranger Things
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
Loot
Wednesday
Turning Red
Nope
Elvis
Licorice Pizza
The Sandman
Spirited
Julia
The Watcher
For All Mankind
From Scratch
Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change, Angela Garbes
Confidence Culture,Shani Orgad and Rosalind Gill
Journal of Radical Permission: A Daily Guide for Following Your Soul's Calling, Sonya Renee Taylor and adrienne maree brown
What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting, Tara McMullin
The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex Ptsd for People of Color, Natalie Y Gutiérrez
Start Finishing: How to Go from Idea to Done,Charlie Gilkey
Easy Beauty: A Memoir, Chloé Cooper Jones

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We all connect with the power of vulnerability in ourselves and in others.

And vulnerability continues to be misunderstood and misappropriated in marketing businesses and services, political campaigns, legislative agendas, and leadership, to name a few.

These days, discerning between true vulnerability and what today’s guest calls #vulnerability can become a real challenge.

When vulnerability is used with an agenda to acquire more community, brand awareness, or social capital, this agenda moves us away from the heart of this courageous state.

Vulnerability is complicated because it RARELY feels good. But what leads us to vulnerability often is good, because it means we are following our integrity even when there’s a lot to lose.

Many of us struggle with vulnerability because we struggle with knowing ourselves. All too often, we know more about who we think we should be, than who we really are.

This becomes extra challenging when the expectation to “just be vulnerable” as a tool to lead and to sell continues to increase.

But if we do not have our own clarity of values, clarity of our identity, then vulnerability turns into a commodity to use.

vulnerability is so attractive–even seductive–because it draws us in with stories and experiences that evoke emotion. And it usually draws the likes, follows, shares that so many covet.

And today’s guest digs deep with me #hashtag vulnerability today.

Tara McMullin is a writer, podcaster, and producer who's been making business make sense for small business owners for over 12 years. She's the host of What Works, a podcast about entrepreneurship for humans that's been downloaded over 4 million times. She's also the co-founder of Yellow House Media. Her new book, What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting, was released in November 2022.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How economic uncertainty plays into the way we leverage vulnerability for social capital
How social media algorithms take advantage of vulnerability and heightened emotions to keep us scrolling
How privilege, marginalization and risk intersect with vulnerability online
The difference between self-disclosure and true vulnerability
How both performative confidence and performative vulnerability can lead to self-alienation
Why we need to account for emotional labor and capacity when we’re considering our resources

Learn more about Tara McMullin:

What Works
Yellow House Media
What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting
Instagram: @tara_mcmullin

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Confidence Culture, Shani Orgad and Rosalind Gill
The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling, Arlie Russell Hochschild
Exhalation, Ted Chiang
How to Read Now: Essays, Elaine Castillo
Dave Matthews Band
The Serpent Queen
Vikings
The Princess Bride

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One of the biggest challenges to self-care is that it means different things to different people.

Is it bubble baths and facials? Nice vacations and or buying a coveted outfit or pair of shoes? Or is it advocating for reasonable wages and safe working conditions?

For some, self-care is a justification to splurge or just take a dang day off when a justification sadly should not be needed. For others, self-care is a means of survival and maintaining the capacity to keep moving forward when things feel bleak.

And all too often, self-care is now presented with an individualist lens that puts the onus firmly on us and ignores the systemic influences that get in the way of caring for ourselves, and the very real need for community and support in our lives.

Self-care is not a problem that can be solved through consumption or a prescriptive plan but is both an individual practice and deeply relational and connected to the communal.

So when I read an article by today’s guest about how we need to stop framing wellness programs around Self Care, I reached out and invited her to join me on the show.

Dr. Michelle Barton is an Associate Professor at the Johns Hopkins Carey Business School with expertise in organizational and team resilience, managing uncertainty, and interpersonal effectiveness during adversity.

Drawing from wildland firefighting, high-tech entrepreneurship, expedition racing, and military operations, her research considers how groups make sense of ambiguous situations, how they coordinate, learn and share knowledge in the midst of confusion, and how they mitigate and recover from adversity. She is especially focused on the relational dynamics that enable these practices.

Dr. Barton’s research has appeared in many academic and practitioner journals and she has presented her work at venues such as NASA, the U.S. Army Medical Command, Johns Hopkins University Patient Safety Conference, and Boston Medical Center among others.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why relationships and connectedness are actually the keys to resilience
How popular framings of grit and resilience ignore our agency in the face of adversity
Why we need to place the burden on systems and organizations for creating environments where we don’t need to be as resilient
Why leaders who help their teams grapple with negative emotions collectively have better outcomes
How to foster connection within organizations before there’s a crisis

Learn more about Dr. Michelle Barton:

Michelle Barton, PhD, Faculty Page
Connect with Dr. Barton on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

"Stop Framing Wellness Programs Around Self-Care"
The Last of the Wine, Mary Renault
Queen - “Don't Stop Me Now”
Dark Winds
The Princess Bride

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Conscious consumption is one of the hottest trends in retail marketing.

We shop to make a difference, have an impact, build a better world.

But many of the businesses that claim to be doing good are running on business models or operating principles that are hardly disruptive.

Instead, they're counting on consumers' desire to both have their cake and eat it too.

The more companies can convince us that shopping equals advocacy, the more we'll buy.

With all that said, I was curious what a company would look like - beyond the marketing pulling at my heartstrings - running with the full awareness of what it means to truly disrupt exploitation.

A company that honors transparency and relationships will have the answers to our questions without defaulting to marketing speak or trendy buzz words, and that’s why I wanted to speak with today’s guest.

Leading a fashion lifestyle brand might be an unlikely role for someone self-described as “not a fashion guy,” but that’s exactly where ABLE CEO Barrett Ward finds himself. As the visionary behind the rapidly growing Nashville-based company disrupting the fashion industry with a social conscience, Ward was inspired to start ABLE with the mission of creating sustainable economic opportunities for women. ABLE has grown into a lifestyle brand carrying beautiful leather bags, jewelry, denim, apparel, and shoes with a primary focus on employing and empowering women in Ethiopia, Brazil, India, Mexico, and Nashville, TN.

Beyond adding new categories and communities of impact, Ward and ABLE have also grown in their ambition for social justice. In 2018, ABLE became the first brand to publish their lowest wages, creating the #PublishYourWages movement and providing complete transparency to empower and protect the fashion industry’s vulnerable workers – most of whom are women.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The impact of rapid growth on Barrett’s mental health, and why he believes it’s important to share his “face down” moments
How toxic positivity around the normal challenges of running a business exacerbated Barrett’s fear of failure
How Barrett and his team are fostering an environment of transparency and support at Able
How Barrett learned to reconcile his beliefs about non-profit versus for-profit and a company’s ability to do good
How Able manages its relationships and accountability with partner organizations and manufacturers

Learn more about Barrett Ward:

Able Clothing (Use promo code UNBURDENED for 15% off all full-price items through 12/31/2022)
Instagram: @able

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Unburdened Leader Ep 22: Clear and Decisive Leadership with Founder of Frank and Eileen, Audrey McLoghlin
The Unburdened Leader Ep 19: Defining Your Own Version Success - Natalie Borton
Despicable Me 2 - Happy Music Video - Pharrell Williams (2013) HD
Vivo
Lucas

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The mental load we all carry right now is next level.

But just because this load is invisible does not make it any less important.

Kids, pets, aging family members, school, work, the economy, democracy, access to safe and affordable health care, chronic health issues - the list goes on and on, and feels like it keeps piling on without relief or end in sight.

On top of this, we carry past pains and difficult life experiences too.

And most of us don’t realize how much pain we carry until we end up on the brink.

Many people face systemic barriers that make that load heavier, and don’t have access to time and resources to find relief. And we’re also bombarded with messages like, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” that make carrying a lot a badge of honor.

What if our places of work cultivated spaces that supported healing instead of perpetuating over-functioning and over-working?

If you want to cultivate spaces that have a greater capacity for discomfort, then you need to start with an audit of your own current capacity and all you are carrying.

Today, Natalie Gutierrez is back for part two of our conversation about her book, The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color, and a deeper dive into the impact of carrying pain because of unaddressed trauma, toxic culture, and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.

Natalie Gutierrez (she/her) is a Puerto-Rican psychotherapist, author, and speaker who grew up in native Lenape land, now known as New York City. Much of her work is dedicated to providing trauma-informed psychotherapy to Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color/Mixed race. She works with adult individuals struggling with Complex PTSD. She is a proud mother of two, and a growing equestrian.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the imperative for urgency - fueled by supremacy culture - makes rest feel uncomfortable or even threatening
How rest creates a “thaw” around our exiled feelings that can make us want to retreat into busyness
How Natalie has learned to approach feelings of “not enough,” imposter experience, and self-criticism in a healing way
How Natalie has cultivated a healing relationship with herself and her body
How Natalie is redefining success through the lens of authenticity

Learn more about Natalie Gutierrez:

Mindful Journeys Marriage & Family Therapy
Instagram: @nataliegutierrezlmft
The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Unburdened Leader Ep 29: Frank Anderson, MD - Challenging the Fear of Rejection and Leading with Vulnerability - Part 2
The Unburdened Leader Ep 27: Frank Anderson, MD - Challenging the Fear of Rejection and Leading with Vulnerability - Part 1
Espiritismo: Puerto Rican Mediumship & Magic, Hector Salva
Bad Bunny

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There is a difference between nice and kind.

Niceness is appeasing and complacent. Kindness is loving and generous.

Niceness, in IFS terms, can be experienced as a strong protector shielding us from vulnerability and risk by over-accommodating others. True kindness, on the other hand, connects us to our compassion and our values.

We sacrifice our integrity to play nice, to go along to get along. When we lead from niceness, we sugar coat and people please. While this may offer some relief, this posture usually creates more stress and internal dissonance.

To lead with kindness, you need the capacity to receive and navigate the responses of others. Kindness stirs up vulnerability because we do not know how we will be received, how we will be perceived, or how others will respond.

And these fears are especially common when navigating conversations and feedback around race, gender, ability, and so much more.

My guest today helps me dig deep into the intersection of niceness, whiteness, and standing against racism.

Jenny Booth Potter is a creative producer, storyteller, and co-host of The Next Question, a web series about expanding our imagination for racial justice. She has co-led racial justice trainings across the country for churches and organizations, and is a founding partner of HerSelf Media, a company that aims to create stories that empower and bring joy to Black women. Jenny’s first book, Doing Nothing is No Longer An Option:One Woman’s Journey Into Everyday Antiracism will be released October 25, 2022. Jenny and her husband make their home outside of Chicago with their two boys and one wild puppy.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The connection between niceness and defensiveness, and how it prevents real growth
How niceness inhibits self-reflection and reflecting on the systems we uphold and are a part of
The moment when Jenny realized that doing nothing was not an option
Why white people have to grapple with their roles as oppressors
How perfectionism and supremacy show up when we approach anti-racism work

Learn more about Jenny Booth Potter:

JennyBoothPotter.com
The Next Question
HerSelf Media
Doing Nothing Is No Longer an Option: One Woman's Journey Into Everyday Antiracism
Instagram: @jennybpotter

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

I'll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood, Jessi Klein
The Dutch House, Ann Patchett
The Greatest Showman Soundtrack
HAIM
Only Murders in the Building

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We all carry pain. All of us.

We navigate the vice grip of the pains from our past along with the pains from the present while trying to keep it all together.

And when things break, we often carry the blame and responsibility for our pain because we’ve absorbed the messages that our struggles are our sole responsibility; neglecting to see the systems, the business practices, and the cultural norms that weigh us down, too.

As a result, the desire to control our emotions and our environments runs deep.

And our protectors are often on high alert editing our words, our tones, and how we express emotions–especially the difficult ones.

But when we seek to control both our inner world and our external world as a means of creating safety, we end up having the opposite effect.

To counter these toxic messages and systems, we need to do our own inner work and set the foundation for the capacity to make changes in the spaces where we live and work.

When it comes to talking about the pain we carry, I could not think of a better person to have a conversation with on this topic than Natalie Gutierrez, author of the new book and aptly titled book, The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color.

Content Warning: Discussion of childhood abuse, neglect, racism, and traumas. Listen with care and if listening is too much for your system, don’t push through. Honor the messages your body is sending and respect the need to pause if that is what’s needed.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How a formative experience in elementary school impacted Natalie’s relationship with approval, assimilation, success, and hustle
What happened for Natalie when her survival and coping mechanisms finally weren’t enough to keep her going
How Natalie’s relationship to both her ancestral rage and personal rage have evolved from explosivity to friendship
The importance of acknowledging and naming the shame behind our burdens
Why we have to accept external conflict in order to honor ourselves

Learn more about Natalie Gutierrez:

Mindful Journeys Marriage & Family Therapy
Instagram: @nataliegutierrezlmft
The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

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Quick-fix solutions abound for mental health challenges.

As leaders, we’re fed the same advice over and over again. Generic one-size-fits-all “thought work” designed to alleviate our gloom and get us back on the road to success.

But that generic advice comes up short. And much of it further stigmatizes mental health struggles, failure, and doubt to the point where people fake it until they make it and then end up face down in a serious mental health crisis.

We as leaders and business owners have a responsibility to offer something other than quick fixes or bandaids. We have to do the work to create spaces for the nuances of life to show up.

We need to make mental health a priority in our businesses. How we all approach mental well-being can shift the stigmas around struggle while honoring the whole person with as much care as our bottom line.

Today’s guest joins me for an important and nuanced conversation about the intersection of entrepreneurship and mental well-being, from his perspective as a long-time entrepreneur and someone who has had to reclaim his relationship with his mental health.

Jason Van Orden helps authors, academics, and speakers turn their “intellectual equity” into new streams of scalable income and a business model that amplifies their work. As a consultant, trainer, and strategist, he draws from more than sixteen years of experience, including creating multiple successful brands, launching over 60 online courses, teaching more than 10,000 entrepreneurs, earning seven figures in online course sales, and generating 8 million downloads of his podcasts. His mission is to help visionaries with impactful ideas to connect with the people they serve best and the problems they can most uniquely solve.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What Jason discovered when decided to get vulnerable about his struggles with mental health after ten years of hiding it
What he realized staying silent was actually costing him in his life and relationships
Why it’s important to acknowledge that mental health is a journey, with no magic bullet solutions
How the emphasis on mindset and positivity in entrepreneurship spaces negatively impacts mental wellbeing

Learn more about Jason Van Orden:

JasonVanOrden.com
Connect with Jason on LinkedIn
Instagram: @jasonvo
Facebook: @jasonvo

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Future of Humanity: Our Destiny in the Universe, Michio Kaku
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Yuval Noah Harari
Particle Fever

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We often look at the results of quizzes and personality assessments for language to help describe ourselves to others. And to better understand ourselves.

These assessments can help us manage how we hire, date, and even want others perceive us.

The language of these tests can fuel connection and belonging within and with others–to an extent.

But it can also be used to sort, judge, or even shame aspects of another’s personality. These assessments can be used to silo an aspect of how people show up or experience the world, into something that becomes polarizing or seen as “good” or “bad.”

We react to judgments of a trait in someone else instead of being present to someone’s full identity.

Yet, used with self-reflection and curiosity, assessment systems like the Enneagram can further a deeper understanding of ourselves, so we can in turn lead ourselves and others from a place of health.

My guest today is shaking things up around how we experience and use the Enneagram. And I am loving how she integrates the Enneagram into her anti-racism work and writings.

Jessica Denise Dickson (she/her/hers) is a life empowerment coach who believes that when Black women heal, the world heals. She believes that the path to personal and collective healing comes through examining the systemic issues that impact each of us, and unraveling oppressive systems from our personal, internalized, and collective worldviews. She utilizes the inner work of the Enneagram with the context setting of antiracism to create healing environments for her clients in one-on-one work, group work, and with organizations so that every human can live more authentically with self-trust, self-safety, and fully embodied freedom that is collectively sustained and celebrated.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How shame, fear, and scarcity lay the foundation for the culture of whiteness and how it impacts how white people engage with anti-racism work
How systems like the Enneagram give us language to describe and understand our experiences
How the Enneagram helps us understand our motivations and reactivity, so that we can approach growth and expansion with more self-awareness
Why the goal of Enneagram work is not to overcome your type or exile your reactivity
How embodiment builds resilience and connection

Learn more about Jessica Dickson:

JessicaDDickson.com
Instagram: @JessicaDDicksonCoaching

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective, Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
All about Love: New Visions, bell hooks
Hamilton
Everything Everywhere All at Once

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How you talk to yourself often reflects how you lead and how you talk with others.

The harshness of your inner conversations seeps through into your conversations with others. The vice grip of judgment, resentment, and out of aligned expectations you’re holding combined with the burdens from difficult life experiences make it loud between the ears.

We navigate our internal conversations while simultaneously engaging in conversations with others. It gets messy and the inner conversations eventually spill out to our external conversations.

But our inner conversations of doubt, shame, and judgment are not a moral failure but a reflection of our past pain plus the world we live in and the thousands of messages we get everyday focused on questioning our health and our worth.

The message that we are the problem when we are struggling with how we talk to ourselves leaves out the responsibility of our history, our current culture that conflates beauty, power, and confidence in a way that fosters more hubris and masking.

We need to learn to befriend the parts of ourselves that are hyper critical and judgemental instead of exiling them or power-over them.

My guest today specializes in conversational leadership. The tools and practices he offers help us design conversations that matter.

Daniel Stillman designs conversations for a living and insists that you do, too. He's an executive coach for leaders who want to facilitate real change. He's also the host of The Conversation Factory podcast and author of Good Talk, a handbook for changemakers and innovators.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How creating the conditions for a transformational conversation opens the door to possibilities and new understanding
How paying attention to space, place, and time sets the stage for transformational conversations
How your internal conversations directly impact your ability to communicate with others
Why conversational leaders need to focus on intrinsically motivating others
The elements of a “conversation operating system”

Learn more about Daniel Stillman:

DanielStillman.com
The Conversation Factory
Good Talk: How To Design Conversations That Matter
Twitter: @dastillman
Connect with Daniel on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Reflective Practitioner: How Professionals Think in Action, Donald A. Schon
Blitzed: Drugs in the Third Reich, Norman Ohler
Amália Rodrigues
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Three's Company

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When you experience something that elicits an emotional response at work, you respond according to the extent of the emotional burdens you carry.

Our burdens come from our past traumas combined with the real-time heart-wrenching news–on repeat–we are moving through right now in our country.

And our places of work can also be ground zero for some really painful experiences or where we relive difficult life experiences.

When we can connect the impact of our traumatic and difficult life experiences to how we lead, that builds the foundation for a trauma-informed culture.

It also moves us out of an individualistic lens to a collective approach to healing and change.

And when we can name the traumatic experiences that happen in our places of work without retribution and move to accountability and repair, this also builds a trauma informed culture that moves us beyond pathologizing pain and struggle to normalizing. Even healing it.

When the whole community is moving forward together guided by principles that foster safe and brave spaces, this is where we can cultivate change individually and systemically.

My guest today has an approach to leading that supports workplaces to be thriving businesses that build the kinds of communities that heal and push back on the power over approaches so many of us were raised in and trained in.

Pamela Slim is an award-winner author, speaker and business coach who works with small business owners ready to scale their businesses and IP. She is the author of Escape from Cubicle Nation, Body of Work, and The Widest Net. Pam and her husband Darryl co-founded the K’é Main Street Learning Lab in Mesa, Arizona, where they host scores of diverse community leaders and regular small business programming.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What her years as a management consultant taught Pamela about over-identifying ourselves with the organizations we work for
Why leaders need to cultivate cultures of safety, trust, and openness in order to respect their employees’ needs
How leaders can engage their employees in transparent, participatory decision-making
Why an ecosystem approach to entrepreneurship is more sustainable than empire-building

Learn more about Pamela Slim:

PamelaSlim.com
K’é Main Street Learning Lab
Twitter: @pamslim
Facebook: @pamela.slim
Connect with Pamela on LinkedIn
Instagram: @pamslim

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

What is Trauma-Informed Care?
Lizzo - Grrrls
Sanditon
Moonstruck

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When we spend most of our time trying to prove our worth, our proving shifts to looking for safety and validation from external sources and delegates our worth to others.

When we engage in this kind of proving, we end up in what I call the “not enough” loop.

The not enough loop is rooted in the belief that if you can change or fix yourself based on these external metrics–the standard of enough–you’ll get relief and feel more secure and capable.

But it only deepens our feelings of insecurity, comparison, and scarcity, which loops back to looking outside ourselves for validation. The not enough loop counts on us to externalize our worthiness.

When we fall into the not enough loop in our work, we often hear blanket labels like “imposter syndrome” that place responsibility on the individual and shut down conversations about the biases and pressures that make imposter syndrome and the not enough loop so much more prevalent for anyone who doesn’t identify as a straight, white, cis male.

My guest today has been through the grind of toxic environments, gender biases, and all of the things that can feed the not enough loop.

Wendy Collie is a former Fortune 200 executive with a passion for triple bottom line organizations who are customer-focused while having employee-oriented philosophies as a cornerstone for transformative, sustainable, and profitable growth.

Wendy believes that organizations have a responsibility to improve the lives of their customers, employees, and their communities, and that success is measured by both stakeholders and shareholders, no matter the size of the company.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What happened when Wendy was struggling to prove herself on all fronts
Why living her values meant stepping away from a job she loved
How Wendy evaluated the deep roots of her need to prove herself, and decoupled her identity from her title
Why Wendy believes in intentionally crafting company culture and how that impacts hiring and management practices
How Wendy reframes proving and perfectionism in her work now

Learn more about Wendy Collie:

WendyCollie.com
Connect with Wendy on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome, Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey
The 5 Biases Pushing Women Out of STEM, Joan C. Williams
The Murderbot Diaries, Martha Wells
Florence and the Machine
The Great
CODA
When Harry Met Sally...

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It feels like we are in a collective hangover right now as we unlearn toxic ways of viewing difficult emotions, life experiences, and just being human.

And the commitment to understand those unpleasant feelings or aspects of ourselves isn’t any less daunting. It’s hard work to discover why we can’t set and maintain boundaries or deepen the courage to speak up when the stakes are high.

But our capacity for discomfort creates our capacity to lead with courage.

Our ability to work with our emotions helps us achieve the changes we desire inside us and around us.

Working with our emotions–doing inner work– involves an intention to better understand why we do and feel and respond the way we do.

When we do inner work, we take responsibility for our own needs, our pain, our difficult life experiences. We listen to our discomfort and get curious about what we need instead of exiling the parts of us that need our support.

Sure, this kind of awareness without action fosters more individualism. But when we deepen our awareness of what happens internally, it can also deepen our impact in the world around us.

And when we lead with more courage, compassion, and confidence, that has a much needed ripple effect outside of us.

My guest today lives this practice in a deeply human and accessible way that encourages and inspires.

Nicole “Ziza” Bauer is a content editor at Magnolia. Previously, she worked as the Online Managing Editor for DARLING, as well as a freelance writer in food and travel.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ziza let go of external opinions and the perception of what it means to be an adult to listen to her intuition and pursue her passion
How she uses social media as a tool for connecting and the guardrails and boundaries she has put in place around social
Why business leaders and content creators need inner work to develop the capacity to respond to social and cultural moments with courage and integrity
How an unexpected and disappointing job loss allowed Ziza to step into new professional growth

Learn more about Nicole Ziza Bauer:

NicoleZizaBauer.com
Instagram: @zizavita

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Joan Didion
Richard Rohr
Mary Oliver
Max Richter Recomposed: Vivaldi – The Four Seasons
My Brilliant Friend
When Harry Met Sally...

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When being right is more important to you than being in relationship, difference and questioning become something to fear.

And fear shuts down connection and curiosity.

Unattended grief and rage are fertile ground for fear to have a party with our capacity to stay curious and welcome the discomfort of doubt and questions.

And trust cannot exist without the ability to share and question the norms and beliefs of a community.

When we lead or are led this way, questions become a threat to belonging and status quo.

And when you are in the public eye, there seems to be even less room for doubt and more momentum for digging heels into being right, at the sacrifice of relationships and dignity.

Today’s Unburdened Leader guest and her husband lost friends, community, and much of their livelihood when they started to question some of the foundational tenets of their beliefs, which were deeply intertwined into their community.

Instead of their doubt and curiosity being welcomed and honored, their questioning came at a great cost that reflected that many in their community were more invested in being right over their relationships.

Lisa Gungor has been scribbling down songs since she was seven years old. A maker at heart, Lisa studied art in college, and in 2005 she began recording and traveling with the band that eventually turned into the two-time Grammy-nominated musical collective known as Gungor. She has new solo music under the name Isa Ma, and is co-founder of Sacred Feminine.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Lisa’s beliefs and identity got publicly subsumed, first with her band then with her husband’s questioning
What Lisa learned from the solidarity of the friends and community members who stuck by them
How Lisa found her songwriting voice while struggling with her faith and infertility
What embodied leadership means to Lisa

Learn more about Lisa Gungor:

Isa Ma
Sacred Feminine
Instagram: @LisaGungor, @Isa_Ma_Music
The Most Beautiful Thing I've Seen: Opening Your Eyes to Wonder, Lisa Gungor

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita, Ram Dass
The Psychedelic Explorer's Guide: Safe, Therapeutic, and Sacred Journeys, James Fadiman
Awakening the Body, Will Johnson
Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Everything Everywhere All at Once
The Princess Bride

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If you don't take time to grieve, your body will make the time for you.

Grief is an emotion that does not respond to intellectual strategies or hacks. It has a job to do and it will take you out if you do not listen to it.

And there are not many spaces that encourage you to take the time to tend to the fullness of your grief.

Work deadlines are still looming. Bills still need to be paid. Family care needs are still all too present.

But when we neglect to approach our grief and the grief of others with the reverence it deserves, we may unintentionally become complicit in toxic narratives around grief while doing harm to ourselves and to others.

And when grief is not tended to, our bodies end up being the truth tellers in ways of: anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, brain fog, and so much more to get us to pay attention to our grief.

My guest today addresses powerfully what it looks like to normalize grief and what happens when we try to bypass it.

Marisa Renee Lee is a writer, speaker, entrepreneur and grief advocate. She's the author of Grief is Love; the founder of the social impact consultancy Beacon Advisors; the co-founder of the digital platform Supportal, which offers resources to those going through hardship and loss; and the founder of The Pink Agenda, a national organization dedicated to raising money for breast cancer care, research, and awareness.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Marisa went through anticipatory grief leading up to her mother’s death, and how it couldn’t prepare her for the actual loss
Why there is no getting over some fundamental losses and why that’s okay
The mental and physical toll unattended grief took on Marisa in the wake of her mother’s death
How the emotional vulnerability required to fully grieve is a privilege not everyone has
Why it’s imperative for leaders to normalize grief and offer tangible support to those experiencing it

Learn more about Marisa Renee Lee:

MarisaReneeLee.com
Instagram: @MarisaReneeLee
Grief Is Love: Living with Loss

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

In a New York Minute, Kate Spencer
"Fix You", Ben Harper
Ozark
The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On

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Our bodies are often the wisest parts of who we are, but we regularly over-ride the messages they send us when they tell us when we’re at capacity.

We push through, over-work, see physical and emotional pain as something to overcome instead of important data to take into account about our needs and how we are living.

And even if we do take in these messages clearly and see the need for needed shifts and care, it feels like change is not an option or acceptable.

So we push ourselves until we crash. And this is often normalized - sometimes even celebrated - as a part of how we do work and life.

And when the body dials up the pain or the anxiety to finally get our attention, the default for many is to become at war with the messenger - seeing our bodies as the enemy instead of the culture of work and health care as the culprit.

This is only reinforced by the expectations from work and how everyone else “seems to being doing it all with ease.”

My guest today shares her story of working through healing from an unsustainable work schedule where burnout showed up, took her out, and changed her career trajectory.

Racheal Cook is an award-winning business strategist who believes entrepreneurship doesn't have to be so complicated. Through her business, The CEO Collective, she helps women entrepreneurs to scale sustainable businesses without the hustle or burnout. When she's not working with women entrepreneurs, you'll find her playing board games with her 3 kids and husband in Richmond VA.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The formative experiences from Racheal’s childhood that inform how she runs her business today
How Racheal carves out time and capacity to cultivate strong relationships
The support systems and processes Racheal has in place so she can navigate caring for her aging parents and her family without burning out
How acknowledging and honoring the constraints on her time and her capacity helped Racheal build a sustainable business

Learn more about Racheal Cook:

The CEO Collective
Instagram: @racheal.cook

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) - Violence Prevention
RYSE Center ACEs Disorder vs. Distress Pyramid
Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World, Eve Rodsky
Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live), Eve Rodsky
Florence and the Machine
Atlas of the Heart
Dirty Dancing

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When you are not clear on what truly matters most to you, how you decide to use your precious time can leave you feeling overwhelmed and lost.

And even your sense of time and what you can get done gets skewed by the tyranny of the urgent. Or comparison to how others are doing life and work.

Striving and grinding is still the norm in so many spaces. The message is still suck it up, chin up, get it done. And falling or failing is on you and you alone.

This mindset is deeply problematic as many are pushing back on these approaches to how we use our time and the expectations around how we do work recognizing how culture and many of the systems we work in contribute to burdening our sense of time.

Boundaries around your time mean disappointing people. So if you are focused on over-delivering and making everyone happy, things can get messy, fast.

If what matters most means meeting metrics that are set by others, burnout and disillusionment are inevitable.

These dangerous messages have us chasing something we think will give us relief when in fact, we only feel worse when we put this kind of pressure on ourselves

My guest today has an approach and a philosophy to time and getting things done that has transformed my relationship with work, time, and my calendar.

Charlie Gilkey helps people start finishing the stuff that matters. He's the founder of Productive Flourishing, author of the book Start Finishing (2019) and The Small Business Lifecycle (2012), and host of the Productive Flourishing podcast. Before starting Productive Flourishing, Charlie worked as a Joint Force Military Logistics Coordinator while simultaneously pursuing a PhD in Philosophy. He lives with his wife, Angela, in Portland, Oregon.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why our problems are with expectations, not time management
How we need to shift our relationship to productivity to prioritize values, self-awareness, and compassion
How we end up with so much of what Charlie calls project debt, and how to dig ourselves out of it
Why we need to stop reinforcing the narrative of the busy party
Why leaders need to stop playing the hero or the martyr to their teams

Learn more about Charlie Gilkey:

Productive Flourishing
Twitter: @CharlieGilkey
Instagram: @productiveflourishing
Facebook: @ProductiveFlourishing
Connect with Charlie on LinkedIn
Start Finishing: How to Go from Idea to Done
The Small Business Life Cycle

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

White Supremacy Culture, Tema Okun
Zone to Win: Organizing to Compete in an Age of Disruption, Geoffrey A. Moore
The Ten Equations That Rule the World: And How You Can Use Them Too, David Sumpter
Nahko And Medicine For The People - “Skin In The Game”
Star Trek: Discovery
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

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The desire to be seen, loved, and belong drives so many of our decisions.

Especially when it comes to connecting in community.

Community plays a powerful role in our wellbeing and culture.

But what happens when the communities we are in make us sicker?

Part of the antidote to toxic communities is finding spaces that support bumping up against our fear of being misunderstood, our fear of not being able to handle a difference of opinion, our fear of rejection. But this is a messy process and many spaces struggle with creating this kind of culture.

And when our places of work and learning and worship struggle with messy realities, community feels less like community and more like a place for us to perform and check boxes.

Our connections and relationships become transactional instead of a place where we grow and strengthen. And when we are in transactional spaces, we are not truly seen, and the deep change we desire doesn't happen.

But Community can serve as a catalyst and container for healing and growth.

My guest today is cultivating spaces that are much needed medicine to us individually and collectively.

Founder, leader, and community builder, Shannon Siriano Greenwood knows the benefits of building her network with meaningful relationships over bountiful connections. Her work supports women professionals in creating meaningful connections that will support them both professionally and personally.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What Shannon’s first event taught her about burnout, work-life balance, and how we measure success
How growing up striving for external validation translated into perfectionism and burnout in Shannon’s life as an adult
How her background in the competitive world of ballet has shaped her adult relationships with women and the community she’s built with Rebelle
Why Shannon and her team are committed to creating safe spaces for their community to explore and challenge their internalized biases
How to bring curiosity and gratitude to building your network

Learn more about Shannon Siriano Greenwood:

Rebelle
Instagram: @readytorebelle
Connect with Shannon on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Other People's Clothes, Calla Henkel
BENEE - “Beach Boy"
Point Break

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You carry life's burdens with you every day. Some days, they might feel heavy enough to break you.

But they also have the power to inspire you.

Your burdens are those difficult life experiences you’ve had. Our past pains can be the source of many of our recurring struggles. And they can also motivate us to do good in the world.

Coming to terms with our burdens–how they inspire us and how they continue to cause us pain–is a key step for allowing ourselves to be known and loved as we are.

Without recognizing our burdens, we can’t make ourselves open to intimate connections.

This is the work of a lifetime.

Self-discovery takes time, and it doesn’t necessarily get any easier with age. But one way we can enhance the process is to listen to others tell their stories and share their burdens.

And that’s been the goal of this podcast from Day 1. Today, I’m proud to be sharing our 50th episode with you.

My guest, Alison Cook, is a longterm friend and colleague and she’s interviewing me about the origin story of this podcast along with connecting the dots of my story that informs my work today.

Alison Cook, PhD is a counselor, speaker, and the author of two books, including her new book, The Best of You (coming September 2022) and Boundaries for Your Soul. For 20 years, Alison has helped women, ministry leaders, couples, and families learn how to heal painful emotions, develop confidence from the inside out, forge healthy relationships, and fully live out their God-given potential.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why starting a podcast felt like breaking the rules personally and professionally
How The Unburdened Leader is informed by IFS principles as well as a lifelong interest in the influence of people’s pain in their life’s work
How ambition got tangled with power and a need for control while working on the Hill
Why parenting led to a process of self-healing and a shifting definition of success

Learn more about Alison Cook, PhD:

AlisonCookPhD.com
Instagram: @AlisonCookPhD
Facebook: @AlisonCookPhD
Boundaries for Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings Into Your Greatest Allies

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for a Better Life, Cleo Wade
Leon Bridges - "River"
Billions
The Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink

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We can get so caught up in how we are seen that we miss opportunities to course correct and expand our views on the world around us.

And admitting you made a mistake or that you changed your mind can feel like jumping into shark infested waters.

The process of expanding our views and self-correction involves connecting meaningfully with other’s experiences and needs so we can see the world outside of our own experience.

Sometimes we take in important new data that activates protective behaviors like defensiveness and control while navigating feeling disoriented and uncertain.

How we move through these moments rarely looks or feels graceful. Especially because parts of us still resist the discomfort that leaves us feeling out of sorts.

But when you commit to growing as a leader and as a human your work is more than an intellectual and tidy process.

And it requires deepening relationships with others so you can truly understand from your heart the needs and perspectives of others.

Today’s guests were willing to share hard and vulnerable stories from their lives and perspectives and what started as a conversation in DMs expanded into this roundtable discussion.

Cha Barefield is a powerful speaker, and the host and creator of "The Cha Show". Cha sees the extraordinary in the ordinary and causes us to see the same. She believes that when you speak about things that matter to you, you will invariably speak about things that matter to everyone. The world needs what Cha seeks to amplify, now more than ever.

Joon Park shares his incredible typewriter skills and inspiring ‘Typewriter Therapy’ on Instagram and he is also a Hospital Chaplain, Chaplain for the Homeless, 6th degree black belt, ex-atheist, skeptic, son to immigrants, and Korean-American who loves Jesus. He is also the author of The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the narrative of “reluctant leadership” has been tied to race and gender for both Cha and Joon
Why we need to broaden our narratives, whose stories we value, and whose stories we center
The difficult and exhausting trade-offs of navigating visible leadership as people of color
How expanding the narrative and acknowledging their history helps Joon and Cha stand in their power
The fundamental difference between comfort and safety

Learn more about Cha Barefield:

The Cha Show
Instagram: @ChaBare

Learn more about Joon Park:

Instagram: @JSPark3000
Twitter: @JSParkBlog
The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Native Speaker, Chang-Rae Lee
The Wake Up: Closing the Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change, Michelle Mijung Kim
Pachinko, Min Jin Lee
The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories, Ken Liu
Exhalation,Ted Chiang
Stories of Your Life and Others,Ted Chiang
The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin
Shoutin' in the Fire: An American Epistle, Danté Stewart
God Is a Black Woman, Christena Cleveland
Encanto Soundtrack
Sarah Kang
Wyn Starks
“Tambourine,” Eve
Yellowstone
Squid Game
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story | TED Talk

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When you choose to step into conversations about racism you risk giving up your comfort and the illusion of control on how you are seen.

In essence, when you choose to speak up against injustice you are inviting discomfort.

And inviting discomfort is an affront to all the ways you protect yourself from harm.

Yet when you befriend your discomfort instead of letting it shut you down, you can navigate the vulnerability of potentially being misunderstood.

The polarities that come up around wanting to say the right thing, but not be performative or not wanting to center yourself, but be authentic and true are real and can also shut you down.

Sometimes it seems best to just stay quiet.

Taking the time to pause and not just react is important, especially in our hyper-responsive world. But indefinite silence is never ok when harm is being done.

Self-leadership helps you lead yourself with more confidence and clarity through the vulnerable and awkward moments. And collective efforts are always better than individual ones. You can best advocate when you have community, clarity, and a plan.

Today’s guest literally wrote a book on how to talk about race to your boss at work that is practical, actionable, and really, really helpful.

Y-Vonne Hutchinson is the author of How to Talk to Your Boss About Race and CEO of ReadySet, a diversity and inclusion training firm that helps tech giants, political leaders, media outlets, and Fortune 500 companies speak more productively about racism and turn talk into action.To date, ReadySet has worked with hundreds of companies around the world to build, manage, and grow diverse teams. In a former life, prior to founding ReadySet, she worked as an international labor and human rights lawyer for nearly a decade.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The impact of performance attribution bias on people of color in the workforce
Why Y-Vonne says work, identity, and race are so intertwined in our culture
Why emphasizing unconscious bias and individual actions alone can’t create sustainable systemic change
How movement language gets co-opted and why leaders need to prepare for backlash
How identity, social location and position can impact your strategy for speaking up at work

Learn more about Y-Vonne Hutchinson:

ReadySet
How to Talk to Your Boss About Race: Speaking Up Without Getting Shut Down
Twitter: @ReadySetInc
Connect with Y-Vonne and ReadySet on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Resmaa Menakem
Kimberlé Crenshaw
Capital and Ideology,Thomas Piketty and Arthur Goldhammer
How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way,by Tim Seldin
90-Day Fiancé
"We Don't Talk About Bruno"
Coming to America

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If you do not know who you are, the world will tell you who you are.

And If you lead from a place of who you think you should be instead of who you truly are, it will take a toll on you and those around you.

There is immense effort put into editing instead of owning your multiplicities, leaving you exhausted and confused.

You also give up your power and give up what is most sacred in you when you do not make room for embracing the beautiful multiplicities in you and in all of us when you filter yourself.

But when you begin to unpack the burdens you carry that impact how you show up in the world, you can embrace all of your multiplicities instead of trying to fit into a mold of what you think the world wants you to be.

It can take a lot of effort sorting through the noise and the baggage you carry to figure out who you are and to embrace all of your identities.

My guest today hit a wall in her own life and found the power of embracing all of her multiplicities instead of trying to fit into a mold that never really fit her.

Reverend Sarah Heath is an ordained United Methodist clergywoman. Originally from Canada, Sarah attended Duke Divinity School where she earned her Master of Divinity degree in 2005.Sarah currently serves as church consultant and one on one life coach helping people through transitions in faith and in life.

She is the host and creator of the podcasts Making Spaces and Sonderlust, and co-host of Your Favorite Aunts and REVcovery She is also the author of two books What's Your Story? Seeing your Life Through God's Eyes and The Authenticity Challenge.

Sarah’s work challenges people to tell their story, invite everyone to the table, find restoration instead of demolition, and connect the spiritual within the ordinary.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The red flags that Sarah overlooked that spinned eventually into total burnout
How Sarah reevaluated her relationship to embracing and nurturing her own desires and needs
Why the experience of being lead pastor left Sarah feeling othered and how she is building community now
How Sarah is redefining what it means for her to be a pastor while owning her multiplicity

Learn more about Rev. Sarah Heath:

RevSarahHeath.com
Instagram: @RevSarahHeath
Making Spaces Podcast
Sonderlust Podcast
REVCovery Podcast
Your Favorite Aunts Podcast
What's Your Story? Seeing your Life Through God's Eyes
The Authenticity Challenge

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Enneagram Types
Jen Hatmaker
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel Van Der Kolk
"This Must Be the Place," Sure Sure
Ted Lasso
The Expanse
Christmas Vacation
Brené Brown
Glennon Doyle

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We all carry the burden of feeling not enough.

All of us.

Once we lose connection to our worthiness and sense of enough, the striving for approval and belonging kicks in, and we long to find the reassurance that we are enough as we are, often in all the wrong places.

The experience of feeling different or othered is seared in our memories and held in our bodies and a protective cluster of beliefs and behaviors take root to protect us from experiencing this pain again.

But often the result of these inner protectors–like the inner critic or the imposter–leaves us feeling worse and further entrenched in feeling not enough.

And our bodies are often the default of where this shame is directed.

So often, conversations with others focusing on body critique, the food you eat or comparing to others become the norm, only perpetuating feelings of not enough in a vicious cycle.

While the burdens of shame and feeling not enough are universal, the way it reaches and can impact people is not. And my guest today brings in his experience of being a Black man in a larger body.

Martinus Evans is a proud fat marathon runner, author, certified running coach, and award-winning speaker who helps plus-sized people get active without the pressure of weight loss.

A native of Detroit MI, he’s the host of The 300 Pounds and Running Podcast, co-host of The Long Run with Martinus and Latoya Podcast, and founder of the Slow AF Run Club, an online community connecting slow runners around the globe. Slow AF was built to inspire, motivate, and educate. It celebrates the grit and grind of runners at “the back of the pack.”

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How weight stigma impacts life from healthcare to the clothes you wear
How a humiliating experience with a doctor became the origin story of 300 Pounds and Running
How Martinus uses anger as a catalyst for action, and how he lets go of it once he’s used it
Why vulnerability and transparency have been key to growing and maintaining the community at the Slow AF Run Club
How Martinus is reframing what success means to him so that his drive serves the life he wants to live

Learn more about Martinus:

300 Pounds and Running
Slow AF Run Club
300 Pounds and Running Podcast
The Long Run Podcast
Instagram: @300PoundsAndRunning
Facebook: @300PoundsAndRunning

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Last Dance
Will, Will Smith and Mark Manson

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Right now, so many of us are connected through the shared emotional reactions to tragic events we have witnessed and continue to experience.

Like all traumas, vicarious and collective trauma cause a breach in connection or a betrayal of trust in Self and/or others.

And with disconnection comes the risk of a break in a healthy community.

We continue to witness fanatical devotion to a product, a person, or a place that is often fueled by charismatic leaders selling healing and community through absolution by association or by purchasing a product.

Charismatic leaders get the best of us. They speak to our hearts. Our pain. And inspire hope.

We feel lifted up while getting a break from the weight of the burdens we are carrying.

Unchecked, this type of leadership cares more about a self-serving agenda that is not interested in collaboration and shared power.

This is where consumption of products is sold as a form of connection, versus the nuanced and challenging work of being in community with diverse people.

Leading well is not just about results or metrics but heart and values. And checks and balances with accountability. It is about doing the work that creates trust and connection, versus creating division and distrust.

Today’s guest is a historian whose body of work focuses on the intersection of modern evangelicalism, consumerism, and capitalism - all systems that I have been curious about as we navigate polarities in community, collective traumas, and healing.

Dr. Tim Gloege, Ph.D is a Historian and author of Guaranteed Pure: the Moody Bible Institute, Business, and the Making of Modern Evangelicalism and Librarian at the Grand Rapids Public Library. After he earned his Ph.D. in US History at the University of Notre Dame, his family moved to Grand Rapids where Tim spent a decade writing and serving as lead parent for our two amazing kids. Most recently Tim moved to the very different world of public libraries and currently works as a librarian at the Grand Rapids Public Library while continuing to write.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why purity, certainty, and control are three key pillars of modern evangelicalism
The shared mindset and tactics behind consumer corporations and corporate evangelicals in post-Civil War America
How notions of consumer choice have been embedded into evangelicalism
How consumerism shows up in the modern prosperity gospel and ideas around manifesting
How celebrity faith leaders shape shallowly-connected communities

Learn more about Tim:

TimGloege.com
Twitter: @TimGloege
Guaranteed Pure: The Moody Bible Institute, Business, and the Making of Modern Evangelicalism

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity, David Graeber and David Wengrow
“Graveyard,” Halsey
Station Eleven
Wings of Desire
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

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Collective traumas and the weight of collective grief is real and rampant.

There have been so many moments in just the last two years that we have all watched together that activate vicarious trauma and collective grief.

The horrific milestones of COVID and COVID-related deaths, hate speech, successful attacks on our democracy, relationship ending debates about masks and vaccines, attacks on protestors, and waking up to being complacent and complicit to systemic racism.

And in January, the world watched an armed insurrection in Washington DC and the relentless gaslighting and attempts to retell that day in ways the deflect accountability and culpability followed.

It’s no wonder many of us began to feel helpless.

But unaddressed, helplessness can quickly lead to hopelessness.

Grief comes with working through vicarious and collective traumas. And grief begs to be witnessed or it turns malignant.

And it is important to not rush through what we have experienced in our own lives and collectively as a culture.

There is no timeline with this work but make sure you are taking the time to notice how unaddressed vicarious trauma and grief may be showing up in your life, so it doesn’t drain your courage, confidence and calm.

My guest on today’s show is an incredible example of long-game resilience while riding the ups and downs of staying engaged in the political process while taking care of her well-being.

Julie Tagen is the Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, (MD-08). She is a veteran leader in DC politics and campaigns, committed to leaving a legacy to the next generation of leaders who will continue the work she has cared so much about for over two decades.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Julie’s first-hand account of what she experienced on January 6 and what she learned about herself that day and in the aftermath
How Julie has kept cynicism at bay and how she defines success after 25+ years in politics
Why Julie believes it is critical for politicians to address the cultural issues in their communities to win voters
How Julie’s experience as a gay, Jewish woman in politics have evolved since her first job and coming out in the 90s
Why we should be paying closer attention the Congressional investigation into the events of January 6

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Vicarious Traumatization: An Empirical Study of the Effects of Trauma Work on Trauma Therapists, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian
Transforming the Pain, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Karen W Saakvitne
Four Hours At The Capitol, HBO Original Documentary

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Collective traumas and the weight of collective grief is real and rampant.

There have been so many moments in just the last two years that we have all watched together that activate vicarious trauma and collective grief.

And in January, the world watched an armed insurrection in Washington DC and the relentless gaslighting and attempts to retell that day in ways the deflect accountability and culpability followed.

It’s no wonder many of us began to feel helpless.

But unaddressed, helplessness can quickly lead to hopelessness.

Grief comes with working through vicarious and collective traumas. And grief begs to be witnessed or it turns malignant.

And it is important to not rush through what we have experienced in our own lives and collectively as a culture.

My guest on today’s show is an incredible example of long-game resilience while riding the ups and downs of staying engaged in the political process while taking care of her well-being.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Julie’s first-hand account of what she experienced on January 6 and what she learned about herself that day and in the aftermath
How Julie has kept cynicism at bay and how she defines success after 25+ years in politics
Why Julie believes it is critical for politicians to address the cultural issues in their communities to win voters
How Julie’s experience as a gay, Jewish woman in politics have evolved since her first job and coming out in the 90s
Why we should be paying closer attention the Congressional investigation into the events of January 6

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Vicarious Traumatization: An Empirical Study of the Effects of Trauma Work on Trauma Therapists, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian
Transforming the Pain, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Karen W Saakvitne
Four Hours At The Capitol, HBO Original Documentary

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Rushing into the future can mean missing important data.

Data, in this case, doesn’t mean points on a graph but really looking in the face of your experiences of the year. The good, the bad, the really hard, and the really exciting ones.

This process helps us see patterns over the course of the year so we can see our growth and evaluate what we want to leave behind and what we want to bring with us into the new year.

Rushing through the end of the year, avoiding reflection at all costs, making big promises to yourself and others to rush by the hurts and frustrations of the past year, robs us of the chance to find the best next steps for ourselves, our families, and our work.

Taking the time to truly reflect on the past year is an act of Self-leadership that can support much-needed unburdening.

This liminal space in the in-between of the years can be overrun with expectations and comparisons and feeling inundated with promises of what we need to do or buy that will make this year, the ‘best year ever!’.

But there is power in protecting this time, in protecting your brain and your heart, so you can honor your dreams and desires for the upcoming year.

Be gentle and tender with yourself, but take this time to prepare a path that is intentional and Self-led instead of reactionary.

Take the time to collect the data that will help you translate what is in your head and your heart into experiences that will help you in the next year.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Structuring your reflection for your wins, your challenges, and all the things you’re grateful for, from good TV to loved ones

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Rebecca’s 2021 Favorites:

Hacks
Mare of Easttown
Ted Lasso
tick, tick…BOOM!
Violet
Billions
Nine Perfect Strangers
Grey’s Anatomy
Law and Order: SVU
New Amsterdam
The Morning Show
A Boy Called Christmas
Only Murders in the Building
This Is Us
Cruel Summer
You
Cobra Kai
Colin in Black & White
For All Mankind
All American
Fatherhood
Goliath
Bosch

Resources:

Feeling Blah During the Pandemic? It's Called Languishing - The New York Times
The Unburdened Leader Ep 22: Clear and Decisive Leadership with Founder of Frank and Eileen, Audrey McLoghlin
The Unburdened Leader Ep 39: Leading with Generosity and Love with Terces Engelhart
The Unburdened Leader Ep 41: Leading Yourself First with Moorea Seal
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, Brené Brown
The Unburdened Leader Ep 36: Leading with Dignity: Hard on Ideas, Easy on People with Rosalind Wiseman
The Unburdened Leader Ep 40: Leading Authentically After Hard Falls with Dr. Ref Rodriguez
The Unburdened Leader Ep 31: Building Resiliency and a Culture of Togetherness with Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza
The Unburdened Leader Ep 28: Leading By Speaking Up When the Stakes Are High with Author Tiffany Bluhm

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If you are a leader who embodies activism, you are moved by personal convictions that see beyond yourself and the bottom line. You boldly desire to make intentional change that will impact another person, your family, where you work, our planet.

When activism is seen as a negative word, it supports the status quo. Making activism negative plays upon your fears being misunderstood or being seen as too much, too disruptive.

And it is easy to respond to these fears by quickly defaulting into silence or complacency.

But there is something immensely freeing by owning our values and desires for the world we want. Sure, it can feel a little scary and most definitely vulnerable.

When we do the work to not be weighed down by our burdens, we can move through the fears and increase our capacity for vulnerability so we can own our activism not as something to be ashamed of but as a beacon for our meaningful work and life.

My guest today wrote a whole book reframing activism with a more holistic lens that is inclusive and inspiring. She has given us a road map on redefining and reclaiming activism in an aligned and meaningful way.

Karen Walrond is a lawyer, leadership coach, and activist. Karen's work has helped thousands of people around the world find purpose and meaning in their work. As a photographer, Karen traveled throughout Africa with the ONE Campaign, an advocacy organization committed to the prevention of extreme poverty and preventable disease. Karen currently serves on the board of directors for the Houston Coalition Against Hate.

She is the author of The Lightmaker's Manifesto and The Beauty of Different, and a contributor to Disquiet Time and Expressive Photography. Karen, her husband, and their daughter live in Houston, Texas.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What losing her house in Hurricane Harvey taught Karen about receiving and asking for help
How she learned to be a confident misfit
Karen’s definition of an activist and two key factors for building the endurance to stay the course
The benefits of letting yourself get angry, and how to use it as a tool

Learn more about Karen:

Chookooloonks
Instagram: @heychookooloonks
Facebook: @chookooloonks
The Lightmaker's Manifesto: How to Work for Change without Losing Your Joy
The Beauty of Different: Observations of a Confident Misfit

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

Asha Dornfest
Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches, Audre Lorde
Valerie Kaur

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What motivates your dreams is just as important as the dream itself.

Maybe even more important.

These dreams for your future inform your daily decisions and where you focus your time, energy, and resources, and they impact how you lead yourself and others.

They fuel the drive that motivates you to get up each day as you do the important–and sometimes tedious–practices that build the future you want for yourself and the world.

They support moving from a vision or idea to action, creating the reality you have always longed for.

The tricky thing about your desires for the future is they require understanding your past and any pain it holds.

No matter how smart the parts of you are that strategize and plan - if you are not clear on the echoes of your pains, losses, and unmet needs then they can become interwoven with your vision for your future.

And if you are not aware of these influences, they can drive you in ways you may not be aware of, setting you up for burnout and dissatisfaction when your dreams are actually achieved.

My guest today realized she achieved the dreams she had been striving for and did not feel how she had hoped. This led her on a powerful journey of self-discovery and deconstruction on how she viewed herself, her work, and her relationships.

Moorea Seal is a Seattle-based author, speaker and multidisciplinary artist, as well as an avid list maker with over one million books, journals and stationery products in print. Her passion lies in helping people of all ages to list out their needs, desires, dreams and goals and rewrite personal narratives while providing resources for happiness, resilience and self-expression. Her latest journal, "My 52 Lists Project," guided self-exploratory list-making for kids is in retailers worldwide now.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Moorea’s childhood lack of stability influenced what she thought of as success, and why achieving her dream didn’t feel successful or stable
Why the performative aspect of having a namesake store and brand-led to overcommitment and burnout
How big achievements brought home the difference between love and acceptance and being validated and valued for what she can do
Why Moorea chooses to speak openly about mental health challenges, and why she says it’s vital to offer a resolution and resources when telling your story
How getting a formal autism diagnosis has impacted Moorea’s relationship to being an “accidental” influencer and what she recognizes as her superpowers

Learn more about Moorea:

MooreaSeal.com
Instagram: @MooreaSeal
Pinterest: @MooreaSeal

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

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What drives you can make you or break you.

We often look to our values, commitments, and operations as a map to how we do life and work.

But there are things that get in the way of honoring our commitments to ourselves and those we serve - no matter what we have professed as our values and mission.

The messages that tell us we are not enough. We have to do more or get more. We have to over-deliver and never disappoint.

These shame-based messages get in the way of our ability to make our aspired values consistently lived in action.

Shame is insidious, sneaky and can become a powerful driving force in our lives if we do not get clear on what is driving us and why we are making the choices we do day in and day out.

Until you look at your own unique experience of shame and what drives it, shame will continue to chip away at your capacity for courage and convince you to compromise your integrity.

Getting granular about what drives you - and why - can reveal some hard truths and important data that can help you lead yourself and others without dodging the messages of shame.

And that is exactly what my guest today chose to do. After a very public fall - he was forced to look at how he ended up where he did and what needed tending.

Ref Rodriguez is a social entrepreneur who has spent his career starting organizations and programs whose mission is to change the life trajectories of those most affected by educational, economic, and social injustice.

He has served as a classroom teacher, school principal, administrator, university professor, and elected school board member. At 27 he founded a charter middle school in his home community of northeast Los Angeles. He went on to co-found a network of high-performing charter schools serving low-income first-generation college-going students in Los Angeles. He is currently working on a program to significantly improve the educational and life outcomes of Black and Latino males attending California’s community colleges.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How running for office brought up Ref’s long-held feelings of loneliness, shame, and of not being enough
How self-doubt and shame led Ref back to old patterns of guarding his authentic self and the impacts that had on his physical and mental health
Why a major victory created conflicting feelings of joy and self-doubt
How a mistake influenced by feelings of not being enough turned into a very public and agonizing fall, and the healing that has come after it

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

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Leading with questions instead of leading with answers is a powerful practice.

Sure, in times of crisis, steady, knowing leadership is calming and often necessary.

But the pressure to have all the answers all the time limits creativity and possibility.

Having the capacity to ask questions instead of offering all the answers is what brings out the best in you and those around you.

When you move from a position of knowing to one of curiosity you build trust, both within yourself and in those around you.

Not knowing all the answers has the ability to deepen team cohesion and cultivate creativity and innovation that would never have come from you trying to figure it all out on your own.

Yet so many leaders feel a responsibility to have everything figured out and they push themselves to exhaustion for fear of anyone finding out that they don’t have all the answers.

But courage reminds us that there is a different way to lead and it supports our ability to be vulnerable and say, “I don’t know.”

Today’s guest spent a year doing just that as a way to deepen her recovery and capacity to lead herself and others well.

Terces Engelhart is the founder of Cafe Gratitude and Gracias Madre plant-based restaurants. Her heart is in serving others and her life’s lessons are the springboard of the stories she shares where her challenges have become opportunities. In 2014 she participated in TEDx at Occidental College. She recently launched her podcast called Unreasonably Grateful. Her calling is to help people trust their inner guidance. She is an author, speaker, wife, mother and grandmother of thirteen. She lives and works on their organic farm, Be Love Farm, with her husband, Matthew, in Vacaville, Ca.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Terces processed a betrayal in her team by committing to let go, but keep caring
Four directives that have guided her recovery and the way she lives today
How her love of learning helps Terces keep going, and start over when she fails
How answering questions with “I don’t know” helped her heal a need for control
Why Terces sees generosity and gratitude as states of flow

Content note: This episode discusses eating disorders, sexual abuse and addiction.

Learn more about Terces Engelhart:

TercesEngelhart.com
Be Love Farm
Instagram: @terces @BeLoveFarm
Unreasonably Grateful Podcast

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Kiss the Ground

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If you want to lead yourself well, you have to know yourself well.

The tricky thing is, it can be surprisingly hard to really know yourself.

We live in a world where we are told by others–on repeat–who we should be and who we are.

We have gotten so good at being who we think we are supposed to be that we end up believing there is something intrinsically wrong with who we uniquely are.

Especially when it comes to behaviors, personality traits and abilities associated with how your nervous

system operates.

We tag the word disorder onto neurological differences like autism and attention deficit and hyperactivity which pathologize aspects of being human.

This dangerously narrow view of health and functioning decreases everyone’s ability to better understand the incredible resources we have in ourselves and in those around us.

We all are trying to figure out what makes us tick and how we can improve our work and life.

And that is what today’s Unburdened Leader Roundtable guests did recently–and in the process, they were each formally diagnosed with ADHD–which helped them connect the dots on so many aspects of their life and start to lead themselves and their businesses with more confidence and clarity.

Dr. Lindsay Padilla is a former community college professor who accidentally started a business while on the tenure track. Hello Audio takes your course content and creates private audio feeds to make learning on the go much easier for your clients, blending her background in education and course creation.

Tara Newman supports service providers in creating premium offers and scalable sales systems so they can significantly increase their profitability through her podcast, The Bold Money Revolution as well as her program, The Bold Profit Academy.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The challenges of getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, from overlapping diagnoses to even finding a clinician who works with adults
Unpacking the stigma around taking medication for ADHD and how Tara and Lindsay have shifted their mindset around it
How their different experiences in school have impacted and inspired their work as adults
How getting a diagnosis has helped Tara and Lindsay shift from frustration to accepting and embracing the way their brains work at work and in their relationships
Why the personal development and course creation spaces need to get more inclusive and accessible

Learn more about Tara Newman:

The Bold Leadership Revolution
The Bold Money Revolution Podcast
The Bold Profit Academy
Instagram: @TheTaraNewman
FREE Revenue Goal Calculator

Learn more about Dr. Lindsay Padilla:

Hello Audio
Instagram: @drlindsaypadilla
Hello Audio Facebook Group
Academics Mean Business Podcast

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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When you are not honest with yourself, you end up living a disconnected life.

You may feel connected to your life when you get the dopamine hits of likes and follows or public affirmations from colleagues. Though, let’s be honest, these external validations are never satisfying for long.

If you live a life where your worthiness and safety are woven into the opinions of others, it makes sense why so many cling to a life that is unsustainable and out of alignment.

And it often takes a big crisis to push us out of the grind of the life we are living to reflect and re-evaluate.

Whatever the catalyst is, getting honest with yourself and your circumstances is the only way through figuring out what next steps to take.

In a world of highlight reels and social media filters, being honest can feel counter-cultural. And stepping into radical honesty can stir up a lot of emotion.

Choosing to be honest with yourself and others definitely has risks. But you will also experience the rewards of deeper connection and meaningful work.

Today’s guest rebuilt her life from the inside out after a painful bankruptcy. It was not until she got radically honest with herself that she regained her footing and did the work that has allowed her to build a business and a life that is aligned and healthy.

Through her podcast, The Bold Money Revolution as well as her program, The Bold Profit Academy, Tara Newman supports service providers in creating premium offers and scalable sales systems so they can significantly increase their profitability.

Tara teaches leaders to run businesses without sacrificing their health, relationships, or integrity by

establishing behaviors, habits, and rituals aligned with their vision of success.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The toll that keeping up appearances took on Tara and her family, and what happened when she started getting honest with the people in her life
How Tara’s experience with bankruptcy influences how she works with small business owners
The mental and physical journey she had to go on to leave the security of her corporate job to start her own business
How knowing her numbers helped Tara shift her mindset around money
What led Tara to seeking a formal ADHD diagnosis and why she says it feels liberating

Learn more about Tara Newman:

The Bold Leadership Revolution
The Bold Money Revolution Podcast
The Bold Profit Academy
Instagram: @TheTaraNewman
FREE Revenue Goal Calculator

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Hype: How Scammers, Grifters, and Con Artists Are Taking Over the Internet--And Why We're Following, Gabrielle Bluestone
Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, Amanda Montell
Profit First

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We are seeing conflict move so quickly to chaos these days.

Anger, entitlement and self-preservation can kick into overdrive when you feel devalued. We forget about relationships and fight to be right, no matter the cost.

Civility is pushed aside more and more as we navigate our differences.

The wounds of relational trauma, betrayal, neglect, poverty, racism are playing out in so many spaces of public gatherings and personal relationships.

But now is not the time to throw our hands up and walk away from this messy state of affairs.

Yes, there is a lot happening that takes us out of our space of leading from confidence, clarity and calm. It is inevitable that our emotions will overwhelm us at some point.

But it is essential that we cultivate spaces together that encourage conflict that moves us towards solutions, not sensational soundbites.

We have to look at how we communicate and the language we use. We have to intentionally set expectations and guidelines for what is okay and what is not okay.

We have to lead with dignity, which means doing the deep inner work so we can show up and lead by facing our biases and recognizing the inherent worth of every person.

Today’s guest fosters civil dialogue and inspires communities to build strength, courage and purpose.

Rosalind Wiseman is the founder of Cultures of Dignity; an organization that shifts the way communities think about our physical and emotional wellbeing by working in close partnership with the experts of those communities–young people, educators, policymakers, and business and political leaders.

She is also an internationally recognized author of multiple books, including Queen Bees and Wannabes, the

groundbreaking best-seller and basis for the movie Mean Girls and its subsequent Broadway adaptation.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How to define and foster a culture of dignity through deep listening and engaging with ideas
The real value of debating in good faith and what our culture gets wrong about “winning”
How the dynamics of authority and expertise we enforce with kids can defeat our purposes, and ways to turn them around
How to use principles of a culture of dignity to set expectations and norms for handling conflict and dysregulation
Why young people need more than just to know their rights, they need skills to implement them and a responsibility to advocate for other

Learn more about Rosalind Wiseman:

Cultures of Dignity
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Rosalind Wiseman on Art of Power Podcast

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We all grew up being told who was the creative one, who was the smart one, and who was the sporty one. There was no space for anyone to hold a multiplicity of skills and interests.

Of course, none of us hold just one identity, skill or interest.

So an identity crisis–or multiple identity crises–are inevitable.

But an identity crisis can be a powerful turning point in your life and work.

On one hand, you can keep doing what you’ve been doing—what you’re supposed to do. Or you can take a big risk and do something different.

We all have PhDs on what we are supposed to do. We have breathed in the messages on what it means to be a success and responsible. Staying on the current path is oddly comfortable—even when it sucks.

When you decide to honor the desire to grow and make a pivot with your work or take a risk with a significant relationship in your life, you are entering into a stage of growth that can be lonely and a bit disorienting.

But leaders like us know there’s more to life than the status quo.

My guest went through her own shifts in her career and identity and is growing a business and a life that looks very different from her original life plan.

Dr. Lindsay Padilla is an ex-community college professor who accidentally started a business while on the tenure track. Now, as the CEO and co-founder of Hello Audio, Lindsay challenges online industry norms of unfinished courses and unconsumed content with her product.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The surprising side hustle that sparked Lindsay’s move out of academia
The role networking played in her developing a business that capitalizes on her teaching knowledge and experience
How shifting careers changed not only her work identity, but Lindsay’s identity within her marriage
Why identity shifts can be a source of grief, even when the shift is good or necessary
Why your metrics of success may have to change with your identity
How a series of major personal and professional losses made Lindsay recommit to her taking care of her body and to keeping her values at the forefront of her business

Learn more about Dr. Lindsay Padilla:

Hello Audio
Instagram: @drlindsaypadilla
Hello Audio Facebook Group
Academics Mean Business Podcast

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
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Leadership and discomfort are inextricably connected.

So much personal and professional development teaches us to figure out the problem and quickly move on.

But true resilience and growth require more than just the decision to “let it go.”

Leading well requires tolerating the discomfort of being seen, not just at your filtered best, but really being seen in your strengths and also when you make a bad decision and navigate the fall-out, respond defensively to criticism, and struggle with your confidence.

Bypassing or shutting down discomfort leads to numbing and disconnecting instead of feeling through the hard things.

It is essential that we get to know the burdens we carry and learn how to heal them so we can lead ourselves and others with more presence and generosity.

On today’s show, it is an honor to give you a window into the friendship I have developed with two colleagues of mine, Natalie Gutierrez and Kim Paulus. These friendships have become so valuable to me because safe, trusted relationships that can hold up a mirror to my growth edges are so rich and valuable.

Natalie and Kim help me kick off a new series for the podcast: The Unburdened Leader Roundtable Discussions, where I have conversations with colleagues, friends, and other leaders on topics we care deeply about.

Natalie Gutierrez is Puerto-Rican LMFT whose work is dedicated to providing trauma-informed psychotherapy to Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color/Mixed race. She supports her clients in healing legacy burdens, ancestral trauma and the impact of colonial trauma.

Kim Paulus is a biracial, queer psychotherapist and IFS clinical consultant in private practice in Oakland, California. With a background in social justice activism, she serves primarily the LGBTQIIA+ and BIPOC communities, including multiracial people and adult children of immigrant parents.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How our legacy burdens impact our ability to make friends, especially later in life
Why a mindset of scarcity makes deep connection difficult in our relationships and in our movements
How burdens of fear, self-doubt and mistrust keep us from being seen and what makes us feel safe to let our guards down
Why decoupling the cultural legacy burdens of power, privilege and historical trauma from shame and blame can help us take responsibility for doing the work to release them
How moving with urgency can bypass the slower work of making foundational changes

Learn more about Kim Paulus, LMFT:

Kim Paulus MFT
Instagram: @kimpauluslmft

Learn more about Natalie Gutierrez, LMFT:

Mindful Journeys MFT
Instagram: @nataliegutierrezlmft

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Fatimah Finney
Heirlooms Summit Talk - Dick Schwartz, 2021.pdf
adrienne maree brown
Sonya Renee Taylor
My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies, Resmaa Menakem

Note for Clarity:

A brief explanation of some language and acronyms you will be hearing from Kim, Natalie, and myself in this segment of our roundtable conversation. At the time of this recording, the three of us are in a couple of Internal Family Systems trainings, which we often refer to as IFS. One of these IFS trainings we refer to a lot is a pilot IFS Advanced Training Program (ATP) where we were invited to participate in a year-long training program to become Assistant Trainers (ATs). The three of us are also serving on a leadership team in an IFS Level One training.

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Everyone gets angry.

And most people have learned to hide their anger–often at great costs.

There is a LOT of baggage we carry around the emotion of anger.

These burdens come from our faith traditions, culture, family of origin, work, school and inform your relationship with anger today.

We are constantly navigating the many rules of what is ok and what is not ok when it comes to expressing, let alone feeling, anger.

In the process, anger can slowly start to consume us. Anger overwhelms and it feels like it owns us—even as we’re doing our best not to show it.

But contrary to what many of us have been taught, anger is an important and valuable emotion.

You can own your anger instead of your anger owning you.

To own your anger, you’ve got to trust yourself. You’ve got to be able to hang out with the anger you feel so you can identify where it’s coming from and what it’s trying to tell you.

My guest today is no stranger to rumbling with her anger and leaning on IFS to help her better lead her emotions and her responses to them. Sacha Mardou is a cartoonist, author of the graphic novel series, Sky in Stereo, and many webcomics about therapy.

Bringing readers with her on her therapy journey has changed everything for both Sacha and those of us who get to experience the profound impact of her work–making the world feel a little less lonely as we navigate the vulnerability of being human.

Content Alert: There is mention in this conversation of sexual assault. We do not go into detail but it is mentioned in reference to a family member of Sacha’s around the 27 minute mark. Take care and don’t push through if it is too much.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How sharing her personal comics and sketches has helped Sacha feel less alone and process her own experiences as readers have shared their lives with her
How Sacha has built in space and boundaries around sharing her comics and processing the feelings and events she depicts
The process of noticing and working through anger and frustration with herself and her mother
How allowing herself to feel anger was key to working through a familial legacy burden and how sharing those experiences reduces shame and helps put an end to intergenerational traumas

Learn more about Sacha Mardou:

Therapy Comics
Instagram: @mardou_draws
Facebook: @sachamardou
Sky in Stereo Vol. 1, Sky in Stereo Vol. 2

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Virginia Satir
Pema Chodron
My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies, Resmaa Menakem

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We love to be right. So much so, that we often trade being right for being in relationship.

Without relationships, we cannot experience meaningful change because the change we desire is rooted in relationships, not the certainty of being right.

But dang, the expediency and certainty of being right sure are seductive.

Pursuing being right cultivates the tunnel vision of perfectionism which runs rampant over our curiosity and creativity–the very ingredients needed for us to have a sustained impact.

When we focus more on creating change instead of criticizing ourselves or others, we are freed up to get creative about our sustainability practices and modeling this for others too.

But too often, perfectionism has a party. We want to get it right from the start and fear making mistakes.

Or we worry about sustaining the work we are already doing, so we don't bother starting, counting ourselves out, believing our small actions do not make a difference.

But they do.

Climate solutions require collective action.

Most solutions that are sustainable require collective action and leaders focused on being right end up cultivating conflict and criticism instead.

Leaders who are committed to relationships end up cultivating creativity, community and the collective action we need to create sustainable solutions. We can all start or continue our sustainability journey with this in mind.

My guest today leads many on the imperfect journey of sustainability.

Ashlee Piper is a political strategist turned vegan and eco-lifestyle expert and author of the bestselling–and very funny–book, Give a Sht: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet*. Her work has been featured in/on Washington Post, Real Simple, BuzzFeed, GLAMOUR, NBC, CBS, and ABC, to name a few.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ashlee remains committed to her values while evolving her approach past rigidity and toward connection
Why we need openness, curiosity and tolerance along with accountability in our movements
How her background in politics and policy work informs Ashlee’s approach to sustainability
How Ashlee moved through a major setback to accepting the failure, revising her approach and trying again
How perfectionism creates inaction and why it’s okay to embrace imperfection, flexibility, and accessibility in our sustainability strategies

Learn more about Ashlee Piper:

AshleePiper.com
Instagram: @AshleePiper
Give a Sht: Do Good. Live Better. Save the Planet*

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Lauren Singer’s Trash Jar

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How you lead yourself impacts how you lead others.

And how you lead yourself and others has a ripple effect in all the spaces you live and work.

It really is that simple. And that important.

Unaddressed pain from difficult life experiences and traumas rob us of our capacity for connection.

Unaddressed burdens of trauma impact how you make decisions on everything from parenting to public policy.

Both individual and collective traumas perpetuate disconnection in all the spaces we live and work in.

The ripple effect of disconnection takes us out of our innate ability to genuinely care about the well being of others. We become hyper focused on our own safety - sometimes at extreme costs to others.

When we make decisions based on fear and self-protection, we end up generating more fear and dehumanize the people we lead.

This is weighing us down individually and collectively. Our unaddressed trauma generates very real consequences in our communities.

As my guest today wisely states, we have forgotten how to be human with each other. But when we do remember how to be human with each other, we can create more peaceful, more equitable, and more just communities.

Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza is a Transqueer Activist, Latinx Scholar, and a Public Theologian. They are the Founder of Activist Theology Project, and the author of Activist Theology & their forthcoming book Body Becoming.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How supremacy culture goes beyond whiteness and why it is essential to understand its far-reaching impacts on how we lead and connect
Why you need to develop an ethics of engagement that prioritizes relationships
Why table fellowship is an important practice for creating conditions for togetherness and breaking the patterns of dissociative patterns and insecure attachments of supremacy culture
How an Activist Theology mindset helps move past inaction and fear to actions aligned with your values and capabilities
Why cancel and call-out culture fail to create sustainable change and how to build the transparency, honesty and vulnerability required for true accountability

Learn more about Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza:

iRobyn.com
Activist Theology Project
Twitter: @iRobyn
Instagram: @iRobyn, @ActivistTheology
Activist Theology

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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How you lead yourself impacts how you lead others.

And how you lead yourself and others has a ripple effect in all the spaces you live and work.

It really is that simple. And that important.

Unaddressed pain from difficult life experiences and traumas rob us of our capacity for connection.

Unaddressed burdens of trauma impact how you make decisions on everything from parenting to public policy.

Both individual and collective traumas perpetuate disconnection in all the spaces we live and work in.

When we make decisions based on fear and self-protection, we end up generating more fear and dehumanize the people we lead.

This is weighing us down individually and collectively. Our unaddressed trauma generates very real consequences in our communities.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How supremacy culture goes beyond whiteness and why it is essential to understand its far-reaching impacts on how we lead and connect
Why you need to develop an ethics of engagement that prioritizes relationships
Why table fellowship is an important practice for creating conditions for togetherness and breaking the patterns of dissociative patterns and insecure attachments of supremacy culture
How an Activist Theology mindset helps move past inaction and fear to actions aligned with your values and capabilities
Why cancel and call-out culture fail to create sustainable change and how to build the transparency, honesty and vulnerability required for true accountability

Learn more about Dr. Robyn Henderson-Espinoza:

iRobyn.com
Activist Theology Project
Twitter: @iRobyn
Instagram: @iRobyn, @ActivistTheology
Activist Theology

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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The commitment to being an engaged citizen is a commitment to being an engaged leader.

When you make the choice to invest your energy into staying informed about social and political issues, you are investing in your leadership.

I’m hearing more and more from leaders who are prioritizing leading with justice, equity, and community care in mind. So if the kind of leader you truly want to be means being an engaged citizen, one who is informed about the social and political issues facing the people they lead, you’re in good company.

But in today’s deeply polarized culture, that’s hard work.

It can feel like resting in the midst of that work is like tapping out of the biggest fight of your life.

But being an engaged citizen requires rest. Rest is not tapping out.

Without rest, you won’t have the energy to question the people & institutions in power. You won’t have the capacity to extend care to those who are often forgotten or underestimated.

Here is a hard truth - many are counting on your fatigue and disconnection. People are literally counting on you not caring.

So what can we do in our circles of influence to encourage others to join us in paying attention? How can we do our parts in leading an engaged citizenry?

Representative Jennifer Konfrst (HD 43) is starting her second term in the Iowa House of Representatives serving residents of Windsor Heights, Clive, and West Des Moines. She was selected by her caucus to serve as Democratic Whip. Rep. Konfrst is an associate professor in Drake University’s School of Journalism and Mass Communication, and has worked in media and communications roles throughout her career.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The mindset shifts Jennifer has navigated in becoming a candidate, and especially between her first and second races
Actions you can take to consume and share information wisely with context, sources, and by adding a pause before you share
Why Jennifer distinguishes between opponents and enemies, and why it matters
How using storytelling and connecting legislative policy to real life helps change minds and re-engage the disaffected

Learn more about Rep. Jennifer Konfrst:

JenniferKonfrst.com
Twitter: @JKonfrst, @konfrstforhouse

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources

Drake University

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Everybody’s carrying a burden that’s weighing them down.

If you dare to care, it is inevitable you will end up carrying the burdens from grief, betrayal, and rejection.

And these burdens are often unseen.

These invisible struggles fuel loneliness, shame, and despair. Eventually, the unaddressed burdens we carry start to impact our ability to live and lead in ways that are important to us. They take their toll on the quality of our work, our relationships, and our well-being.

Yet, instead of transforming the pains from abuse, betrayal, loss, shame, poverty, chronic health struggles and so on, we see them as a poor reflection on our ability to lead, succeed, and provide.

We have breathed in the clear and emphatic message: Hide your pain.

These toxic messages around struggle take a dangerous toll on how we care for ourselves and others.

To engage our teams, support wellbeing, and lead through change, we must model and explore real and honest emotions.

My guest today is dedicating his life’s work to change culture’s toxic messages around struggle and how we approach the burdens we carry.

I am so thrilled Dr. Frank Anderson came back for a continuation of our important conversation we started last month.

Dr. Frank Anderson is one of the nation's leading mental health professionals as a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. Committed to promoting compassion, hope, healing, and non-violence in the world, Frank specializes in the treatment of trauma and dissociation and is passionate about teaching brain-based psychotherapy and integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the Internal Family Systems model of therapy. He also travels around the world as a proponent and instructor of the IFS modality.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the physiology of hyper- and hypo-arousal in the face of injustice pulls us away from our values and toward burnout, and how leading with love and compassion builds sustainable learning and growth
Why ADHD and trauma are so frequently comorbid, and the neuroscience of how they continue to compound each other
Why simply shutting down your inner critic isn’t working, and a compassionate model of healing from IFS that relieves and heals their burdens
How trauma exists on a wide spectrum, and why acknowledging trauma needs to be seen as a strength

Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:

FrankAndersonMD.com
Instagram: @frank_andersonmd
Twitter: @FrankAndersonMD
Connect on Facebook

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family Systems, Frank Anderson
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder, Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey
The Daring Way
Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD
Janina Fisher
Judith Herman
Chris Burras

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

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Toxic cultures–at home, school, work, in faith communities–make it incredibly hard to do the right thing.

Choosing to risk your reputation or livelihood when you want to move from being a bystander to standing up for what is right is a bind too many face when they want to say ‘no more’ to abuses of power.

Yes, we need to move beyond being passive bystanders and be better allies. Yet I want to acknowledge that the stakes are high in moving from bystander into the spotlight.

It is challenging to speak up when the safety and livelihood of a bystander are pitted against standing up to abuses of power.

The fear of retaliation or becoming a target of abuse is real. So is lack of trust that speaking up will impact change.

Being a bystander and watching harm being done to someone takes its own toll on your health and your confidence when the culture you are in supports secrecy and silence.

My guest today is deeply committed to changing the impact of the bystander effect.

She is calling on leaders to shift organizational cultures of all kinds so bystanders feel empowered to speak up instead of staying silent and colluding with toxic work environments.

Tiffany Bluhm is the author of Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up. She is a sought after speaker, writer, and co-host of the popular podcast Why Tho, a show answering the existential and nonsensical questions we ask ourselves. As a minority, immigrant woman with a interracial family, she is passionate about women’s equality, justice and dignity.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Tiffany made the choice between her convictions and her loyalty in speaking up
Why race, class and culture impact who we believe when they report harm
How leaders create cultures of secrecy and silence, and what they can do to cultivate safety and accountability
The co-evolution of purity culture, rape culture and white supremacy
Steps we all can take to become better allies and dismantle cultures of silence and complicity

Content Warning: This episode includes discussion on the impact of sexual assault and rape culture.

Learn more about Tiffany Bluhm:

TiffanyBluhm.com
Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up
Instagram: @tiffanybluhm
Twitter: @tiffanybluhm
Why Tho Podcast

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up

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We watch leaders crash & burn all the time.

We watch with morbid fascination as leaders fall out of grace because their unaddressed pain led them on an unsustainable path of poor choices–even dangerous and deadly choices–to avoid feeling the vulnerability of rejection.

Those times when you experienced the pain of rejection leave their mark because rejection hurts. Like, physically hurts. Neuroscience teaches that this kind of emotional pain is processed similarly to physical pain.

The burdens of social rejection of any kind can become all-consuming in an effort to do whatever it takes to never go through that kind of pain again.

But stepping into leadership means stepping into rejection and being misunderstood. It is just a part of the physics of leading and putting yourself out there in any capacity.

If you are stepping into the title, the power, and the access of leadership as a way to bypass the pain of rejection, it will not go well.

My guest today is an expert–personally and professionally–on addressing the trauma wounds of rejection versus bypassing the pain of vulnerability.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Frank is committed to bridging the gap between survivor and expert, starting with himself
How leading from a wound leads to crash and burn, and why healing his trauma has led Frank to real, lasting happiness in his career
Our conversation around the meaning of power and power dynamics and its impacts on leadership
How becoming a parent led Frank to Internal Family Systems and doing his own deep healing work

Learn more about Frank Anderson, MD:

FrankAndersonMD.com
Instagram: @frank_andersonmd
Twitter: @FrankAndersonMD
Connect on Facebook

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex Ptsd with Internal Family Systems, Frank Anderson
Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD
Dr. Dan Siegel
Amy Banks, MD
Judith Herman
Mona Barbera

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It is time to stop living a divided life.

When your life is divided between home and work, personal and professional, you're vulnerable to all sorts of relationship troubles and everyday friction.

When you separate yourself from your values and see your business and life divided instead of integrated and unified by your purpose and values, you will break from the pressure of it all.

You feel out of alignment with what matters most–your health, your values, your most important relationships–and feel at the mercy of responding to every need like it is an emergency, further sacrificing your clarity and confidence.

My guest today has done the work to get clear on how she leads herself and others and not letting fear divide her from what she values and who she loves most.

Stasia Svasuk is an entrepreneur, mama, speaker, adventurer, thrifter, and science-of-style expert who thinks bodies are just about the coolest things on earth.

She is the founder and creator of THE REVEL-YOU-TION––an online community of crazy-brave women who are using their closets to heal their shame, flex their brave muscles, cultivate their creativity, and create some wildly fabulous outfits while they’re at it.

Stasia has inspired many thousands through her Tedx talk, her wildly popular (and now retired) Stasia’s Style School, her numerous podcast recordings and guest speaker gigs, and her ability to cultivate a community where collective braving and collective healing are the name of the game.

We cover some incredible territory in this episode around work, life, and family integration.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How our closets are a Trailhead for doing deep, meaningful work about how you feel in your body
How Stasia realized that teaching women to turn down the temperature on their body shame wasn’t enough and how she’s changing her business to do it
How she’s learning to feel into her boundaries and take ownership of the consequences, good and bad
How her relationships with her clothes let her know when she’s out of alignment elsewhere in her life

Learn more about Stasia Savasuk:

stasiasavasuk.com
Instagram: @stasiasavasuk
Facebook: @welcometotherevelyoution

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources

A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life by Parker J. Palmer

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Boundary barriers become leadership barriers.

What gets in the way of setting and maintaining boundaries gets in the way of leading well.

Our polarized culture, along with so many demands on our time and energy, make it so important to get clear on what gets in the way of setting and maintaining boundaries…and what they are protecting.

Do you know what your boundaries are protecting?

You have to know why you are laboring through the work of setting and maintaining boundaries. Without this clarity and focus you will flounder and feel fed up–often giving up on your boundaries and yourself.

We get so focused on when and how people violate our boundaries that we lose focus on the reason we are fighting for them. This leads to boundaries becoming barriers - no longer protecting what is important: our time, our relationships, our wellbeing.

What helps you stay the course when you set boundaries? Your clarity of values and clarity on what your boundaries protect.

When you are clear on what you are protecting and fighting for, you have more confidence in navigating the work involved in setting and maintaining boundaries.

My guest today loves to teach and talk about boundaries.

Alison Cook, MA, PhD is a counselor, speaker, and the co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul. For over 15 years, Alison has helped women learn how to heal painful emotions, develop confidence from the inside out, forge healthy relationships, and fully live out their God-given potential. Each week, she encourages over 30,000 subscribers to her email newsletter and blog at alisoncookphd.com.

In our conversation, Alison unpacks a powerful perspective on setting and maintaining boundaries.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The ways navigating a blended family has influenced Alison’s leadership in all areas of her life
Getting clear on the stories that keep us from honoring our commitments to ourselves
The medical emergency that brought Alison to a deeper, stronger place in herself
And how bypassing short circuits the soul work of becoming a whole person

Learn more about Alison Cook:

alisoncookphd.com
Facebook @alisoncookphd
Instagram @alisoncookphd
Boundaries for Your Soul

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Internal Family Systems

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Our capacities are at an all-time low.

Between the pandemic and politics and injustice–not to mention our already overflowing lives and schedules–we have access to far fewer resources for staying calm, beating back anxiety, or holding space for others.

It’s in times like these that leaders like you need to know what trips you up--so you can take better care of yourself and continue to lead those who depend on you.

Knowing what trips you up requires a lot of curiosity and deep respect for feeling out of sorts, but so often, the message to keep cool and never let others see you struggle shuts down any curiosity about what is at the root of inner struggle.

Staying calm and showing up with care is exhausting--especially when the world is on fire. You don’t want to stop… but it’s tough!

Now, I know everyone is used to hearing about “triggers,” but I like to use a different term-- trailhead.

Trailheads, according to the founder of Internal Family Systems Dick Schwartz, are an emotion, image, inner voice, thought, physical sensation, or impulse that, when brought into focus and followed, often leads to a part of our inner system that is in distress.

Understanding our triggers and trailheads is a path to knowing ourselves better and provides us with direction on what we need to create and informs our body of work.

My guest today built an incredible career based on following her triggers and trailheads.

Sunni Brown is a social entrepreneur, best-selling author, story architect, and book coach.

Her TED Talk has drawn more than 1.5 million views and she is the author of Gamestorming and The Doodle Revolution, forthcoming book–Being Confident: In Any Situation and When it Matters Most.

Sunni has developed a company that has a powerful cultural impact on how we learn and work. She has started this movement based on the data offered from her own personal triggers and trailheads.

Sunni has redefined what it means to arrive as she deepens her awareness of her inner system.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What the Doodle Revolution is and why is this type of visual learning so important
The impact doing this type of work has had on Sunni personally and what happened when she followed her rage
How she integrates Internal Family Systems into her visual and design work
And how to get curious and befriend your trailheads and triggers instead of shaming and exiling them

Learn more about Sunni Brown:

Deep Self Design
Twiiter @SunniBrown
Facebook @SunniBrownInk
Instagram @SunniBrown
Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers
The Doodle Revolution: Unlock the Power to Think Differently

Learn more about Liisa Sorsa:

ThinkLink Graphics
Instagram @thinklink_graphics

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources:

Internal Family Systems
The Unburdened Leader Episode 2: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Richard Schwartz

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Too often, we exile the parts of us that hold complex emotions and difficult parts of our story at the expense of our wholeness. And not respecting our own wholeness in favor of living a compartmentalized life is perpetuated in the spaces we live and lead.

So, we hide away the things that we’ve been taught to believe are not acceptable—and what we hide is often rooted from the soul of what makes us unique and feel most alive.

Making space to lead complexity means signing up to navigate emotions, beliefs, and perspectives that do not fit into a tidy box.

This is the call right now. To dig into nuance and hang out in this place of complexity requires awareness that cannot be put back into the proverbial toothpaste tube.

This is super vulnerable.

But remember, respecting the whole person still requires boundaries, honoring core values, and developing systems that move you and your business forward. The fear of chaos is more about the fear of change–and what that change means for our own safety and status.

What we are seeing is how leadership that respects the whole person is rewriting the rules on what is professional and appropriate.

Oh, the rules.

You know the rules... the shoulds about what is professional and ok for business and work and what is not.

These rules crush our souls along with our clarity of voice and desire to create. And they continue to dehumanize and marginalize.

Approaching business and people with a perspective that values all parts of those they lead requires doing the inner work to navigate the complexity of emotions and lived experiences with compassion and curiosity instead of shame and correction.

My guest today lives this work and this approach.

Megan Auman is a jewelry designer, metalsmith, educator, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience in selling art through a variety of channels.

Currently, Megan is running her eponymous jewelry line and the online community Artists & Profit Makers for fellow creatives who sell high-end products. A best-selling CreativeLive instructor, Megan’s designs have been featured in Elle Decor, Better Homes & Gardens, Cooking Light and on top-rated blogs like Design*Sponge.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Megan discusses how we can care but not be burdened by judgment–from ourselves or others. I love this insight she offered.
Listen for Megan’s discussion around shame, especially around our workspaces and what we charge for our services.
Notice how Megan approached her own rumble with anxiety that shifted so much for her.

Learn more about Megan Auman:

meganauman.com
Artists & Profit Makers
Follow Megan on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

thanks, mom - MEGAN AUMAN
The Death of the Artist: How Creators Are Struggling to Survive in the Age of Billionaires and Big Tech by William Deresiewicz
Art Juice Podcast: Are You a Painter or an Artist? with Seth Godin

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Never underestimate the power of your decisions.

Especially the little decisions you make each day.

How you go about making decisions offers so much data about you and what you believe about yourself and the world around you.

Many of us second-guess our decisions because we're unsure of ourselves in the first place. Maybe you underestimate your ability to do hard things or give added weight to the judgement others might pass when they learn about your decision.

Most often, I suspect you second-guess your ability to do hard things and feel hard things. Or maybe you question how those around you will respond to your decisions.

If you are too protected from feeling vulnerable or your worthiness is wrapped up in metrics or the opinions of others, then you will be disconnected from your purpose and your courage

More importantly, you will be disconnected from making the decisions that support the life you are building and those you are leading.

My guest today never underestimates herself or saw a problem she could not tackle with zeal. Her sense of responsibility towards those in her charge combined with a deep, early born desire to never be beholden to anyone fuels her approach to the decisions she makes and how she problem solves.

Audrey McLoghlin founded luxury clothing brand Frank & Eileen. Borrowing her grandparents’ names, Audrey sourced traditional suiting fabrics from the finest family-owned mills in Italy to reinvent the women’s button-up—a category that had previously focused solely on men.

Frank & Eileen quickly became a favorite with cultural icons such as Meghan Markle, Oprah Winfrey and Kamala Harris, and is now a global retail brand. She is a four-time entrepreneur who has bootstrapped all of her companies, without ever taking outside funding.

You are in for a masterclass conversation today. This may be a conversation for you to listen to on repeat—I know I already have!

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Audrey’s mindset when the shutdown happened and how that helped her weather the storm of losing 11 million dollars in sales in two weeks
How the burdens she has carried fuels her resilience instead of taking her out
What Audrey says are the two most valuable commodities for an entrepreneur - and for all of us - and how she saw an opportunity on the other side of the triage from the crisis instead of being paralyed by indecision or waiting for things to go back to normal

Learn more about Audrey McLoghlin:

Frankandeileen.com
@FrankandEileen on Instagram
@audreymcloghlin on Instagram
@grayson on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

www.ifs-institute.com
www.brenebrown.com

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Caring about those you lead means caring about the harm you may unknowingly be doing.

Many of us who fit western standards of beauty and live in conventionally abled bodies don't understand how our choices can cause pain. We've internalized ableism and fat-phobia to the point where we can't even grasp how our words & deeds cause harm.

In particular, in the last year, and perhaps for a while longer, many of you have come to terms with the way you operate in the world and cause pain or harm in a way you have no idea.

Talking about beliefs around body, health, size, and beauty can feel like a tenuous social quagmire. Perfectionism and shame love to hang out and have a party with both mindset and mental health when tackling nuanced and vulnerable topics like this one.

We breathe in the many conflicting messages on what it means to be enough, to be strong, to be worthy. Our bodies carry the burdens of these messages and beliefs.

Recognizing how collusion with systems and toxic beliefs affects too many means taking action to alleviate this pain and suffering.

Because accepting these standards unchecked and at face value is dehumanizing and devaluing.

It’s time to choose the socially and morally responsible path to learn what it means to cultivate an environment that supports rathan than harms.

While many companies and organizations are stepping up and making an effort towards this, my guest today shares how the good intentions are often missing the intended - and needed - impact.

Dr. Lindsay Kite is co-author of the new book More Than a Body and co-director of the nonprofit Beauty Redefined, alongside her identical twin sister Lexie Kite. They both received PhDs from the University of Utah in the study of female body image and have become leading experts in body image resilience and media literacy.

Today, Lindsay and Lexie continue to help girls and women recognize and reject the harmful effects of objectification in their lives through their new book, their online Body Image Resilience course, social media activism, and regular speaking engagements for thousands of people of all ages.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Self-objectification and body resilience: These are the game-changer in how you can change your outlook and approach to body anxiety.
Dr. Kite unpacks what gets in the way of how we see ourselves and how that impacts our courage and how we show up in work and life.
The call Dr. Kite puts out for all of us—especially those with privilege—to challenge our bias around body size personally and in our places of work.

Learn more about Dr. Lindsay Kite:

Morethanabody.org
beautyredefined.org
@beauty_redefined on Instagram
Beauty Redefined on Facebook

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA)
Binge Eating Disorder: The Road to Recovery and Beyond (Book)

Binge Eating Disorder: The Journey to Recovery and Beyond

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There is nothing safe about catalyzing the much needed changes we need in our world today.

Speaking your truth feels loaded right now. I’m not talking about speaking your truth as a way to say whatever you feel whenever and wherever.

I’m talking about the deep knowing inside of you that is you without the armor, the spin. The you that doesn’t absorb the projections onto you from the world.

The pull to dim what you know to be true as a protective response is real.

Sitting on the fence is a protective response. It also keeps you small and led by the burdens of fear.

I have been rumbling with this truth in my own writing and speaking, noticing the years of protecting internally that push me to placate and keep things vague when there is a lot to lose or a chance to get hurt.

The more I unburden the hurts I have held for so long, the more my capacity to move through the vulnerability of leading from my truth and speaking my truth increases.

Sure, leading from your truth is scary... especially In a world that cancels and criticizes in a heartbeat.

My guest today knows a lot about the challenges and costs of leading from your truth.

With 25 years of experience, Chevese Turner is an internationally recognized eating disorders, weight discrimination and social justice activist who founded the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA) in 2008.

Chevese is dedicated to moving beyond the current dominant weight-focused paradigm in public health and healthcare delivery to one that is weight inclusive, promotes well-being free from weight stigma and discrimination, and views our understanding of the social determinants of health as an important way forward for individuals who find themselves at the intersection of oppressions and repeated denial of healthcare based on their body size, color, ethnicity, age, gender, socio-economic status, etc.

This is a conversation about so much more than food and body issues. It is about coming home to your truth. It’s about healing from your pain and the traumas of betrayal and constantly being misunderstood. It is about courageous leadership.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Chevese’s insights on the pace of change
The pain many feel because they are misunderstood and devalued because of the body they inhabit—and the responsibility that all leaders have to ensure this doesn’t happen
The essential importance of not censoring yourself so you can show up in your truth

Learn more about Chevese Turner:

Follow Chevese on Instagram
Follow BEDA on Facebook

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

Brené Brown

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The quickest way to crash and burn your business and life is to place your worthiness and safety with the opinions of others.

This may sound like a captain-obvious statement but the pull to care what others think is something fierce. And it is sneaky.

The competitive drive is no stranger to many of you. In fact, it is often the norm.

Honoring your boundaries around healthy competition is hard in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough. It does not help that our own self-talk attacks our sense of enough, too.

When not checked, healthy competition and ambition leads to the protectors of scarcity and comparison overwhelming you. This happens quickly when you are not clear on your values, when you are not clear on your definition of success, and when you are not clear on your boundaries.

Without these anchors in place, the powerful drive to win and achieve can quickly warp to a singular focus on another person or another business. Success is then based on comparison and moves you away from what matters most.

However, staying aligned with your personal version of success is possible—and it requires that you constantly recalibrate and live your values.

My conversation with Natalie Borton in this episode of The Unburdened Leader digs deep into these life-long tensions around navigating where your definition of success lies along with the power of staying clear on your core values and taking care of your well-being.

Natalie is a San Diego-based mom, wife and entrepreneur that is passionate about positivity, authenticity and simplicity. She designs minimalist, California-inspired jewelry for everyday wear and educates on making the most out of your wardrobe, living more confidently and pursuing your dreams honestly and whole-heartedly.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Natalie lives her value of positivity (it is a powerful approach to consider, for sure)
The key learnings Natalie took away from the other side of an incredible work opportunity that shook her health
How Natalie rumbles with her ambitions and her ever-evolving definition of success
How Natalie infuses the wisdom she earned in her recovery into her business and platform

Learn more about Natalie Borton:

natalieborton.com
Natalie on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

Brené Brown

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We might want change now—but change is almost always met with resistance.

And resistance to change is, at its core, protective.

Yet, this well-intentioned approach can end up hurting instead of helping especially when the desire to protect is at the expense of the well-being of others.

When we look at the industries that focus around our image, it gets even messier.

I am late to the fashion, make-up, skincare party—and I have loved playing around with style and products that make me feel good. It has been fun to support some incredible companies caring more about just the bottom line and support causes that serve the greater good.

Still, the messaging around beauty and health can be disorienting… and sometimes downright demoralizing to the point where we confuse the truth on our worth and value.

This is where leaders transform their care into activism in order to cultivate spaces that are brave and safe for all.

This is work.

This is THE work.

So what does cultivating spaces that are brave and safe actually look like? How do we dismantle our own internalized bias or oppression to create spaces where people truly feel welcome and included in the work at hand? And how does this all relate to the work of building a business or managing a team or leading a movement?

That’s what we’re going to be exploring in today’s episode.

My guest today has been called a beauty activist. She is someone who models what it looks like to do the inner work that allows her to keep showing up and disrupting homeostasis for the greater good.

Nikia Phoenix is a content creator, storyteller, and occasional commercial actress with a passion for social change and conscious living. She is also the founder of Black Girl Beautiful, a loving and safe space that celebrates Black women. After diving deeper into wellness and self care, Nikia recently became a Reiki master and meditation practitioner.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Nikia sees the intersection of beauty and leadership and how she defines leadership
Nikia’s experience growing up and how she cared for the young parts of her story through how she is leading her life as an adult
Nikia’s experience on how she navigated a work betrayal
A story from Nikia’s childhood that’s still echoing in my heart today (don’t tap out early on this episode or you might miss it)

Learn more about Nikia Phoenix:

blackgirlbeautiful.com
Follow Nikia on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email
rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca

Resources from this episode:

Brené Brown
IFS Institute
Frank Anderson

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The quickest way to crash and burn your business and life is to place your worthiness and safety with the opinions of others.

This may sound like a captain-obvious statement but the pull to care what others think is something fierce. And it is sneaky.

The competitive drive is no stranger to many of you. In fact, it is often the norm.

Honoring your boundaries around healthy competition is hard in a world that constantly tells us we're not enough. It does not help that our own self-talk attacks our sense of enough, too.

However, staying aligned with your personal version of success is possible-and it requires that you constantly recalibrate and live your values.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Natalie lives her value of positivity (it is a powerful approach to consider, for sure)
The key learnings Natalie took away from the other side of an incredible work opportunity that shook her health
How Natalie rumbles with her ambitions and her ever-evolving definition of success
How Natalie infuses the wisdom she earned in her recovery into her business and platform

Learn more about Natalie Borton:

natalieborton.com
Natalie on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

Brené Brown

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Our workplaces need more laughter.

Our homes need more laughter.

The world needs more laughter.

And I don’t know about you, but I too need more laughter.

There have been times of late when the smallest thing sets my family into a laugh-fest - usually triggered by something we were watching on TV or something one of us said that just tickled the proverbial funny bone.

This communal laughter always feels like a welcomed exhale when I didn't even know I was holding my breath. Every time, I feel lighter and clearer after I wipe the tears of joy away from my face.

Growing up, I got the message that humor and comedy were for those who were not serious. I was always equal parts annoyed and envious of the class-clowns and those that seemed at ease using humor as they lead. I wanted to focus on work but I also appreciated their ability to lighten the mood and not take themselves too seriously while building a sense of connection.

Comedy and humor can be a powerful catalyst for communicating. It brings people together and it is often memorable by making an impact through teaching and entertaining.

Today’s Unburdened Leader guest has the gift of teaching powerful business truths and insights through her gift for comedy.

Rachael Kay Albers is a digital strategist and business comedian. As the founder and creative director of RKA ink, a branding, web design, and digital marketing studio based outside Chicago, Rachael helps thought leaders and visionary entrepreneurs all over the world stand out online without selling their souls or playing the manipulation game.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Rachael’s skill for observation fueled her use of comedy starting at a young age
The connection Rachael makes between her pain and her use of comedy personally and professionally
The wisdom she drops on the slippery slope of entrepreneurship and owning your own business
How Rachael sees comedy as a healing tool

Learn more about Rachael Kay Albers:

rkaink.com
@rachaelkayalbers on Instagram
@rachaelkayalbers on LinkedIn
@rachaelkayalbers on Facebook
@rkaink on YouTube

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Resources from this episode:

Video: How Vulnerability Made Me Rich and Instagram Famous (Thanks Brené Brown!)
Brené Brown Ted Talk on The Power of Vulnerability

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Avoiding controversy for the sake of comfort is not an option for you as you lead, do life, and rumble with all the big and little decisions before you.

Sure, you do not want to contribute to the noise.

You are not looking for a fight (or, like me, you try not to get scrappy just to offload some stress), or to be right just for the sake of being right.

No. You value the big picture. You value the mission. You value the greater impact.

These days, people try to shock us just so they can manipulate our feelings. They use hyperbole to exercise power over us. The polarizations we are living with internally and in our culture lead to many having serious controversy fatigue.

Unburdened leaders get the nuance of standing up. They also understand the sacrifices. They would rather step up for what is true than play it safe.

We all need to do a better job of respecting this kind of leadership by supporting those who are willing to and able to take the heat when the status quo threatens the integrity of important work and fosters dehumanization.

That’s why I’m thrilled to introduce you to today’s guest, Blythe Hill.

Blythe is the CEO and Founder of the Dressember Foundation, an anti-trafficking nonprofit organization. Through their annual campaign, thousands of people across the world commit to wearing dresses or ties for the month of December as a way to raise awareness and funding for anti-trafficking work. Since 2013, Dressember advocates have raised $10MM USD and resourced dozens of anti-trafficking programs across the US and the world.

Please note: This episode we discuss matters around sexual abuse. Take good care of you and know your well-being is more important than pushing through this episode.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The ways Blythe connected the dots with her passion for the decreasing human trafficking with her own story
How she developed her skills as a leader while growing a nonprofit from scratch
Blythe’s approach to a controversial issue while staying true to her expertise and pushing through her growth edges

Learn more about Blythe Hill:

dressember.org
Follow @dressember on Instagram
Follow @blythehill on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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Grief is inevitable as it's simply the other side of love.

The more you love, the more grief you feel. It’s inevitable when you’re all in on life and the relationships within it. This is the cost of a life full of love and meaning.

Daring to care means that grief and loss is inevitable.

If we let it, grief can be a powerful teacher. But first? It deconstructs. It disrupts the best laid plans. And, it brings us to our knees both emotionally and physically.

But truly feeling grief and letting it express itself is how we learn to lead well.

Consenting to grief requires inner trust that you’re going to be okay. And this, my friends, is a powerful form of Self-Leadership. It requires a lot of work and support but it’s essential to continuing to live and lead a brave life.

My guest today knows many forms of grief well and he has dared to be all in with feeling through his losses—and the losses of others who have touched his life—while continuing to step up in all the spaces he leads.

Dr. Dean Nelson is the Founder and Director of the Journalism Program at Point Loma Nazarene University, Founder and Host of Annual Writer's Symposium By The Sea, author of Talk To Me: How to Ask Better Questions, Get Better Answers, and Interview Anyone Like A Proand of God Hides in Plain Sight: How to See the Sacred in a Chaotic World.

Dean is also my Sunday School teacher and a leader who cultivates one of the most sacred spaces in my life where I practice getting out of my own internal echo chamber so I can live with more grace, compassion, and courage.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Dean viewed his work while navigating recent and deeply personal losses
The ways grief can show up in our physical bodies
Dean’s conscious choice to empathize—not harden—in the face of a tragic story he was the first on the scene to cover
How deep grief impacted how Dean leads in his work as a journalist, journalism professor and university department head

Learn more about Dean Nelson:

Follow Dean on Twitter
Follow Dean on Facebook

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Talk to Me: How to Ask Better Questions, Get Better Answers, and Interview Anyone Like a Pro

God Hides in Plain Sight: How to See the Sacred in a Chaotic World

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One of the toughest and most important choices for a leader is to look within and do the deep work to heal the echoes of trauma. By looking and healing our past, they lighten the load of their burdens so they can lead themselves—and others—better.

On the contrary, right now, we are watching in real time the dangers of leaders who are not in touch with their humanity and lead with pain, bullying, and fear. We are breathing in so much toxicity right now and it is taking a toll on all of us.

And even still, I’m struck by how those leaders who have done the work to heal the echoes of their trauma are navigating 2020. I am noticing fatigue, for sure. But I am seeing something else...

The resilience and tenderness I am seeing in these leaders is inspiring me: they are navigating these echoes imperfectly but with an ownership and confidence grounded in their inherent worthiness and value—less encumbered by seeking value and safety externally.

However, the echoes of trauma from domestic and intimate partner violence are particularly insidious—creeping into day-to-day decisions in ways that are often hard to detect but show up in ways that impact confidence and clarity.

My guest today, Former Congresswoman Katie Hill, is a powerhouse in work and life and she is also a survivor of domestic violence. She wasn't yet 30 when she embarked on her run for Congress. By 31, she had become not only a Member of Congress - and one of the youngest women to ever serve in the House of Representatives - but also a member of Congressional Leadership.

Former Congresswoman Hill resigned from her position less than a year after entering Congress, following political sabotage by her abusive ex-husband in a scandal that began a national conversation around questions of bisexuality, domestic abuse, cyber exploitation, workplace power dynamics, and what happens when regular people who live regular lives run for office.

Former Congresswoman Hill is also the author of She Will Rise: Becoming a Warrior in the Battle for True Equality and the founder of Her Time, a political action committee supporting women in politics who are shaping their communities, and the country, for the better.

Please note: This episode will be discussing domestic violence and suicidal ideation. Take care as you listen and pause if you need to. If you or someone you know is struggling with domestic violence and/or thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 800.799.7233 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Where Katie drew her courage from as she made difficult decisions regarding her career and own personal healing
The choices Katie continues to make as she moves forward personally and professionally
The phrase Katie thinks that we need to eliminate from our world view to make space for more healing

Learn more about Katie Hill:

www.shewillrisebook.com
Follow Katie on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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The belief that hope will kill you is a common reason that many people reject the practice of hope in the first place. Most would rather keep the bar low and expect the worst.

Protecting yourself with this level of cynicism leads to living a negative, small and joyless life.

And we are not here for that.

Embracing hope might look dangerous and reckless on the surface, yet, in truth, it is a deeply aligned practice grounded in values, courage, and consistency. This kind of hope supports showing up when there is not evidence things will get better or be better.

Truly, some of the most hopeful leaders I know have been through some of the darkest experiences. They have a capacity for the whole human experience. They are often seen as uncool or too positive. But really, they are the grittiest people I know.

Their hope does not bypass the messiness of heartache, disappointment, betrayal but instead they repel cynicism in these moments and embrace it all.

My recent interview with Chef Joel Gamaron made me appreciate how his cooking scrappy principles also apply to leadership and hope. When we work with what we have, even the things we want to discard, we can make something amazing.

Those who dare to hope KNOW pain is a part of the gig. Those who choose hope just keep taking the actionable steps towards what they believe is possible—even when the future is still unknown.

A hope that allows for loss and disappointment is a scrappy hope. And a scrappy hope allows for all the highs and lows of humanity, including feelings of futility, doubt, and fear, while also allowing us to keep moving forward.

My guest today embodies this kind of scrappy hope with all of its shadows. He has faced deep loss and grief personally and now reports on the stories of loss and tragedy while keeping cynicism at bay.

Ramon Galindo is a bilingual reporter and producer with NBC San Diego with more than a decade of experience in television journalism. From politics, to criminal justice, to the economy, Ramon strives to tell stories from a unique perspective. His work aims to hold government and powerful institutions accountable, while being a voice for the unheard.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Ramon’s hope fuels how he leads in his work as a reporter—and how that influences his deep commitment to tell the stories of those that often get overlooked
How he navigates reporting the tragic, the gruesome, and the highly charged social unrest and still holds hope for humanity without bypassing the hard.
Ramon’s influences and support systems in his life
How scrappy hope is a hope that is never done alone

Learn more about Ramon Galindo:

Ramongalindo.tv
Follow Ramon on Twitter
Connect with Ramon on Facebook
Follow Ramon on Instagram

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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Instead of making an enemy of your anxiety, you can make a friend out of your anxiety.

This approach to the challenges of living with anxiety—in both your life and business as a leader—helps to turn the fear that comes with anxiety into your superpower.

But if you’re to make friends with your anxiety, you need to understand the story behind its fear and concerns. Anxiety has a mission to protect and it often does so in ways that are crushing, robbing you of your presence and the place where you show up in your truth.

Making friends with your anxiety—and finding the story beneath it—isn’t done by pushing through or thinking your way out of it. That just turns up the dial.

Instead, when you build a relationship with the parts of you that hold your anxiety—instead of trying to kill it or crush it—your life will be different and your ability to lead will feel different.

You will lead with your anxiety instead of it leading you.

My guest today did just that. Not only did he study and befriend his anxiety but he saw it as a way to fuel his desire for life-long growth and performance. He learned that the best way to protect his presence is to cultivate practices where he took the time and space to prepare.

Chef Joel Gamoran is best known as the host for A&E’s hit series “Scraps,” and has become one of the nation’s most well-known sustainability storytellers. Joel spent over ten years as a National Chef for Sur La Table and, in 2018, Joel released his book “Cooking Scrappy,” inspiring home cooks to turn scraps into delicious meals.

Joel also makes monthly appearances on NBC’s Today Show, sharing his recipes and sustainability tips to a worldwide viewership. Through entertainment, creativity, humility, and education, Joel brings people together with a common goal of getting good food on the table while being mindful of waste.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Joel’s committed to presence and befriending his anxiety
Joel’s radical acceptance of his nervous system
How he sees a scrappy mindset as a powerful leadership tool
Navigating anxiety while live on national TV

Learn more about Joel Gamoran:

withhomemade.com
Follow Joel on Instagram
Follow Joel on Twitter
Scraps on Hulu

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

Good To Great by Jim Collins

Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don't

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Over-functioning is the default setting for so many leaders.

They want to fix and rescue everything—and sometimes that looks like working harder than others. But is that truly leading?

Fueled by anxiety, a high sense of responsibility, and a lack of clear boundaries, over-functioning can hijack the best of us. What’s tricky in overcoming over-functioning is that part of your superpower is seeing the solution and knowing what needs to be done to fix it.

And while over-functioning might be a part of your day-to-day life as a leader, boundaries can be the balm to soothe your default over-functioning and need to fix-all-the-things to become the leader you’re meant to be.

My guest in this episode is Krystel Stacey. She’s a powerhouse serial entrepreneur who leads and works hard to make everything around her beautiful and filled with meaning and purpose.

Krystel is also the owner of six businesses and is dedicated to inspiring fellow leaders and entrepreneurs through her successes, and her struggles.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Krystel is so passionate about creating experiences with vision and meaning
How important boundaries are in her work
How releasing the responsibility of over-functioning in favor of a life aligned with her purpose and vision differentiated from those she leads and supports
The beauty she is committed to creating out of a space of pain and loss
How the fruits of starting her own family supported her coming into her own

Learn more about Krystel Stacey:

SheMindsHerOwnBusiness.com
Connect with Krystel on Instagram
She Minds Her Own Business Book

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

Bowen Family Systems Theory

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One of the most challenging aspects of leadership is facing bullies.

…the bullies from our past.

...the bullies in our present.

...and the bullies between our ears.

We live in a culture that normalizes—and even elevates—bullies in the name of entertainment. Our culture encourages us to enjoy the suffering of others instead of empathizing with the personal pain of the bullied. Our culture increasingly urges us to see bullying as a sign of strength.

When in truth, the culture of bullying is fueled by shame, fear, and violence. It perpetuates a right to retribution that dehumanizes. It ruins lives and lacks accountability, compassion, and empathy.

That’s why it’s more important than ever these days to take a stand. To face the bully, the oppressor, the abuser, the betrayer and say: enough. No more. Not now. Not ever again.

Gemma Went is my guest today. She’s here to share about when she decided to push back on both the internal and external voices that said she should not pay time or energy to a recent bullying and public shaming experience.

Gemma is an Online Business Mentor + Digital Growth Strategist based in the UK and works with entrepreneurs and business owners across the globe achieve great things and smash their goals through her proprietary frameworks and systems, all based on three core principles: Mindset + Strategy + Action, which make up her MSA Approach™.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Gemma made a careful and values-based decision to take a stand against a bullying experience in adulthood
The impact her childhood bullying experience had on her decision to take a stand
The important work she did to heal, grow, and lead the trauma of being bullied rather than it leading her
The vulnerability in asking for help

Learn more about Gemma Went:

Gemmawent.co.uk
Follow Gemma on Facebook
Follow Gemma on Instagram
Follow Gemma on Twitter
Connect with Gemma on LinkedIn

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
Work With Rebecca
Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

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Most leaders go through a period where they take stock of the trappings of the life they believe they are “supposed” to live. They examine the assumptions they’ve made, the choices they’ve fallen into, and the circumstances that have shaped their stories.

And they realize—however painfully—that it all needs to be torn down. I’ve been there, too. Brick by brick, they dismantle the details of their lives so that they can carefully and intentionally rebuild.

It takes real courage to lead yourself through a season of dismantling.

And, no, not the Mel Gibson Braveheart courage. But the quiet courage that keeps you putting one foot in front of the other. The unseen courage that chooses a life of uncertainty versus maintaining the status quo of tolerating, doubt, and shame.

It’s not easy to reassess the choices that have gotten you to where you’re at. But without paying close attention to how you’ve ended up merely tolerating the status quo, you can’t ever lift the burdens that keep you from being the leader you want to be.

You have to go through it, not around it.

No matter how cliché, it’s the truth.

My guest today has been through the process of examining and dismantling the details of her life so she could really lead. If you don’t know Ally Fallon, you need to. Ally writes books, helps people write books, and believes a regular practice of writing can change your life. She is the author of 12 books (and counting), is a sought-after public speaker, and a coach to hundreds of authors from New York TimesBestsellers to total beginners. She has spent the last decade coaching hundreds of people to gain confidence, overcome writer’s block, and get their stories on paper.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How the dismantling of Ally’s marriage led to a deep season of questioning that moved her towards her unburdening and living an unburdened life
How Ally took the time to become skilled at witnessing and honoring the wisdom of her own pain emotionally and physically
Why writing, relationships, and the movement of yoga were anchors in the wilderness of her dismantling

Learn more about Ally Fallon:

Findyourvoice.com
Follow Ally on Instagram: @letsfindyourvoice & @allyfallon
Follow Ally on Twitter
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We push ourselves until we crash.

We people please until we lose ourselves.

We hide our truth until we’re crushed from loneliness and disconnection.

Instead of dealing with the stress of our present, the anxiety of our future, or the trauma of our past, we numb out.

We drink the wine or take the pills or binge on the ice cream—and, oftentimes, we cross the threshold from numbing out to addiction.

Not surprisingly, alcohol is one of the first things many reach for to numb the ache. It’s socially acceptable and it’s easily accessible. It takes the edge off. It makes us feel a little less. It helps us find more calm and clarity.

Similarly, some people shop to soothe their pain. Some eat. Some exercise until they drop to the ground. The things that start off as comfort often lead to addition.

And it works—until it doesn’t.

My guest on this episode is Andrea Owen. Andrea is the founder of Your Kick-Ass Life Coaching and author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness and 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve. She helps high-achieving women let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation and, instead, choose courage and confidence.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

Why Andrea needed to understand and heal her traumas in order to fully unburden the last of her addictions
The role community plays in Andrea’s sobriety
How grief nearly brought Andrea out of recovery
How commitment to her values helped Andrea maintain her continued healing and sobriety

Learn more about Andrea Owen:

yourkickasslife.com
52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass
How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness
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Dare to Lead by Brene Brown

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Leaders are especially good at hiding from love and the vulnerability it brings in ways that look deceptively bold. This can be a dangerous contagion, I’ve found, encouraging others to also hide behind the protectors of Hubris. Individualism. Perfectionism. Hustle.

I’ve seen how spending so much time hiding behind who you think you should be makes you forget who you are, what you value, and what you believe.

And, honestly, it can crush your spirit.

That’s why being able to receive love is foundational to being able to love and lead others well. This means moving through discomfort by feeling through it instead of letting the protectors – fueled by fear – hide your humanity.

My guest today is a force of love—towards herself and others—in both words and actions.

Arielle Estoria is a renaissance woman: a poet, author, speaker, and creative. I first met Arielle at Yellow Conference where she was an MC—a tour de force of love from the stage. I immediately started to follow her work and was moved by her ability to put words to the steady tension of loving ourselves so we can lead ourselves and others well.

Arielle truly lights up any room as an emcee and event host, a body-positive model, and actor. She has shared her work through spoken word, workshops, and themed keynote talks with companies such as Google, Sofar Sounds, Lululemon, Dressember, Tedx, the SKIMS campaign by Kim Kardashian, Hollis Co. by Rachel Hollis, and more.

Arielle’s first EP, a collection of music and poetry called Symphony of a Lioness and her single Magic (In Your Bones) are available on iTunes or Apple Music. She is the co-author of two collections of poetry: Vagabonds and Zealots (2014) and Write Bloody Spill Pretty (2017), which can both be found on Amazon.com.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How she discovered her body through acting, performing spoken word poetry, modeling, and calling BS on practices and businesses that do not value all bodies
A look behind Arielle’s internal work and how playing find the lie and find the truth to see the full value in herself as a person
When Arielle decided that her body is not an unhealthy hazard—and what she redefined BMI as in her own words
What impact the toxic modesty culture has had on Arielle

Learn more about Arielle Estoria:

arielleestoria.com
Arielle Estoria on Instagram
Arielle Estoria on Facebook
Symphony of a Lioness
Vagabonds and Zealots
Write Bloody Spill Pretty

Learn more about Rebecca:

rebeccaching.com
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Other references:

Yellow Conference

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The past often acts itself out in the present and this can be super frustrating for established leaders—especially when it feels like you’ve already done the work to move past those struggles.

I know it has for me and so many of you, too.

We’ve read the books, gone to therapy, hired a coach, and went to the workshops.

We’ve committed to the deep work so that we can lead, thrive, and create well.

Sometimes, those struggles and challenges still impact the ability to navigate present challenges and growth edges… echoes of that pain linger within the body and nervous system.

But I know that you’re committed to life-long growth—and, of course, growth comes with some semblance of discomfort. When the nervous system is still carrying the burdens of previous pain, then resistance spikes to try and protect us.

It shows up as doubt, comparison, imposter experience, perfectionism, and so many more. And as much as I’d love to say it only takes thinking the resistance and other internal protectors away, it simply doesn’t work that way—instead, we have to feel through the emotions to build our resilience and support the desire to lead with more courage, conviction, and compassion.

Today on the podcast, I’m so pleased to welcome Morgan Harper Nichols. Morgan is an artist, poet, and author of All Along You Were Blooming and has collaborated with a wide range of brands including Anthropologie, Coach, Adobe, Aerie, and more.

Morgan is an unburdened leader who leans on her curiosity and her appreciation for the layers of what it means to be human. She deeply values the role of creativity to healing from the disappointments that come from living a brave life.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How art and music was essential for Morgan’s healing journey
Why recurring struggles are not a sign of failure or weakness
How listening to others helped Morgan find her own language and her own healing

Learn more about Morgan Harper Nichols:

morganharpernichols.com
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Other references:

Yellow Conference

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Leadership is hard and it is not for the weary.

Leading myself and others in the face of injustice while also staying aligned to my integrity and values has required an immense amount of courage, clarity, confidence—and a lot of deep breaths.

In times of conflict, my ability to stay aligned with my integrity and core values has often been a reflection of the inner work I have done to tolerate criticism, backlash, conflict, being misunderstood, and losing support/business/followers.

Words like ‘integrity’ and ‘values’ can become nebulous and lose meaning when not backed up by consistent—though imperfect—action.

Leading, living, and being human continues to be an ongoing and imperfect process. My desire to seek accountability and justice in the world has required me to swim in the deep end of grace and strive to live this grace.

Allowing myself to take imperfect action has been immensely uncomfortable but rewarding. It has been what I needed to maintain the ongoing process of unburdened leadership.

I’m thrilled to welcome my guest today, J.S. Park. His vulnerability along with his gift of communication is an example of unburdened leadership. J.S. reminds me that we are not robots and how our emotions, if not addressed, can end up overwhelming us, taking us out, and moving us away from what matters most.

J.S. is a hospital chaplain, chaplain for the homeless, 6th-degree blackbelt, ex-atheist, skeptic, son of immigrants, and author of his new book, The Voices We Carry: Finding Your One True Voice in a World of Clamor and Noise.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

The burdens J.S. carries that encouraged him to become a chaplain, how the work has been healing to him, and how it’s also been difficult
How depression has impacted J.S. and why he decided to get curious and feel the pain instead of bypassing it
How J.S. has been—and still is— impacted by intergenerational racism
What inspired J.S. to start what he calls typewriter therapy

Learn more about Pastor J.S. Park:

Facebook: @Pastor J.S. Park
Instagram: @jspark3000

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Somewhere early in my life, I got the message that acknowledging my pain was not okay. Being vulnerable opened me up for attack. It was dangerous. Messages like “never let them see your sweat” often got mixed up with “no pain, no gain.” So there’s a mixture of: don’t show your pain getting the best of you yet show yourself conquering it all.

And it’s not working.

Just look at the stats of those suffering from clinical depression, clinical anxiety, substance use and abuse, suicide attempts and completion, marital and relational distress, and the effects of trauma and post-traumatic stress.

Hiding our pain—avoiding it, even demonizing it—is taking us out because it’s not sustainable.

But when you acknowledge your pain as an inspiration instead of an identity, this is where the gold lies that fuels your meaning and purpose.

On today’s episode, I’m excited to talk with cultural expert, speaker, educator, and consultant, Jess Weiner.

Jess continues to fight against being defined by her struggles, choosing instead to be inspired by them–even when the burdens of recurring struggles take her out. She has identified her blind spots, collected the data, and is now continuing to create and iterate–crediting her original pain story as part of her foundational inspiration.

Jess is the CEO of Talk to Jess, where she advises Fortune 500 companies to help them better reflect people in their media, marketing, advertising, and workforce. She is also an adjunct professor at USC in the Annenberg School of Journalism, an acclaimed author, and was recently named by Fast Company as one of the most creative people in Business in the areas of Diversity and Inclusion.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How Jess continues to heal, grow, and respond to her pain in ways that inspire change in her personal life and her body of work
Why Jess’ recovery awakened her activism and led her to creative outreach avenues, including theatre
How pain leads us down the path of self-discovery and unleashes some of our best work into the world

Learn more about Jess:

Jessweiner.com
Instagram: @imjessweiner
Twitter: @JessWeiner
Facebook: @Jess Weiner
LinkedIn: @Jess Weiner

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My body was telling me to take a step back and reevaluate.

Five years ago I had pneumonia and I couldn’t really do anything other than prop myself up on the couch and breathe...

...breathe and think about how I ended up in this mess

I’d run myself into the ground. My schedule was full-to-overflowing. My life was packed and stretched to the edges. I had no margin for error, no space to breathe, no time to connect to who and what mattered to me.

What was I really chasing? Why had I packed my life so full? What was really driving me to try to be all the things to all the people?

The trauma of betrayal, abuse, shame, and the constant search to prove myself worthy–it was humbling and frustrating to see these recurring struggles and how they were hijacking my drive.

I needed to do more work to lift those burdens, so I could move forward in a way where my drive was aligned to what matters most to me instead of taking me further away.

In the last episode, Jonathan Merritt and I talked about how sometimes our bodies give us an SOS whether we like it or not. That SOS is an opportunity to take stock and make changes so we can get back to the work of leading.

Today, I am talking with an incredible thinker and one of the most generous leaders I have ever met about what to do when you get slammed into that wall and need to make changes.

Dr. Richard Schwartz created Internal Family Systems (IFS) after years as a systemic family therapist and academic. This framework has been instrumental in my own work as a therapist and coach for leaders.

We dig deep into the story of his own personal journey, what led him to course-correct on his early teaching on healing, and how unchecked drive can hijack other parts of you–your playfulness, your ability to rest, and your ability to handle what comes up when you finally take a break.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

How we overcome overwhelm and why resistance always creeps in
How a near-death experience in Hawaii helped Richard to reach a better understanding of Self-leadership
How he was saved by his IFS practice and was inspired to bring the model to the world
Why Richard feels like his methodology is a powerful support in an age of gas lighting culture
How you can deal with all that comes up when you slow down, pause, or even have a hard stop like we all are currently experiencing now during this global pandemic

Learn more about Richard:

Internal Family Systems

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Leaders often struggle to make time for healing until their body sends out an SOS.

They postpone and avoid the need for deeper healing and then get slammed by illness, exhaustion, or burnout.

And at the heart it? There is usually the burden of unaddressed trauma.

Insomnia, chronic pain, hair and skin issues, digestive distress, mood swings, and illness after illness–if you’re experiencing these symptoms without relief, you might be one of these leaders. The cost of avoiding or bypassing the deep work and healing ends up costing you time, opportunity, and your physical and emotional well-being.

We need more leaders to show up and model what it means to prioritize healing by doing the deeper work to change.

That's why I'm excited to share today’s conversation with Jonathan Merrit.

Jonathan knows a thing or two about the deep work of healing because he has lived this truth in action.

He is a model of tenacity and commitment toward the long-game work of healing. The process has transformed how he is showing up not only when writing about the hard and controversial things around culture and faith but also in his vulnerability when sharing his journey and risking failure when making big life decisions.

Jonathan Merritt is one of America’s most prolific writers focused on religion, culture, and politics. He is the author of Learning to Speak God From Scratch and serves as a contributing writer for The Atlantic and contributing editor for The Week.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

What it looked like to choose to not to bypass pain, repressed anger, and shame
How psychological trauma and stress can manifest physically and ways to address that trauma
How to listen to the sacred whisper and choose the risk of failure over the feelings of regret
How Jonathan communicates his facedown moments in his relationship to his body and his own journey with languaging his faith

Learn more about Jonathan:

jonathanmerritt.com
Facebook: Jonathan Merritt Writer
Instagram: @jonathan_merritt
Twitter: @JonathanMerritt

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Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words Are Vanishing--and How We Can Revive Them

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Meet leaders who recognized their own pain, worked through it, and stepped up into greater leadership. Each week, we dive into how leaders like you deal with struggle and growth so that you can lead without burnout or loneliness. If you're eager to make an impact in your community or business, Rebecca Ching, LMFT, will give you practical strategies for redefining challenges and vulnerability while becoming a better leader. Find the courage, confidence, clarity, and compassion to step up for yourself and your others--even when things feel really, really hard.

The Unburdened Leader: Recent Episodes

Rebecca Ching, LMFT

vulnerability is so attractive–even seductive–because it draws us in with stories and experiences that evoke emotion. And it usually draws the likes, follows, shares that so many covet.