Men in Charge: Recent Episodes
Tony Flinn and Kevin Decker
“Men in Charge" is an uncertainly ironic sketch comedy show, written and performed by Kevin Decker and Tony Flinn, along with a cast of the talented willing.
At Camp Show-Your-Work, kids can learn all about unpleasant camp experiences, and then leave early—for a price!
Career American Dutch Mayoral candidate continues to embarrass himself as the interview persists.
Realist Morning Show hosts, Emily and Virgil, roll their eyes through a further interview with Mayoral candidate and "career American" Haff Kokt, who finds fresh ways to lose votes.
Emily Wellingtonford, Canadian mine owner and usurer, has bought a radio station to promote her usurious practices, but Gertrude the Loon interviews an unemployed miner. Just imagine!
Do you hate Morning Show perkiness? So do/does Men in Charge. Enjoy our dour, irritable hosts!
Little Timmy's film making assignment with the Movie Mongol takes a terrifying new direction!
Join our benighted contestant as he listens to three scenarios to determine whether their outcomes were caused by Coincidence, Correlation, or Climate Change!
Elizabeth Hempworthy, office felon, is caught by a janitor and burglar in the midst of framing a colleague!
Old Man Fester, having escaped from Big Nell's Manly Pedicure shop without his shoes, socks, or car, must engage in delicate negotiations with a bus driver to get himself home.
Little Timmy forgoes his career in Family Dentistry to work on his 4th grade film project—in collaboration with a Movie Mongol!
Storing a lot of heirlooms/junk in your garage? Discount Appraisals will tell you what it's worth and take it off your hands.
At Mutzi's Bakery, none of the baked goods are for you. Or for anyone. So steer clear if you know what's good for you.
"What Really Matters": Are you afraid of scientists and eager to hear more commercials? Then you know what really matters!
Trying to spoil Arbor Day, Spinoza is at last unmasked! Or is he? Yes, he is—but only by a percentage.
Old Man Fester gets a free, manly pedicure from Big Nell. And yes, there is lye soap, and there are Guards!
Even though you never graduated from college, you can still receive an alumni magazine meant just for you!
On "What's New with You?" host Roger Basement learns terrifying truths about a meatloaf recipe.
Creg Bellowes, Oblivious Receptionist, remains oblivious to the paid interns' mistreatment of the unpaid intern.
Lower Heights Community College is auctioning off academic departments to help fund the football team—and not just to pay for the concussion tent!
Mrs. Shambles wants to unload her useless son Jack in an arranged marriage, but Mrs. Nurch insists on a dowry for her daughter Gwendolyn!
Mrs. Shambles wants to unload her useless son Jack in an arranged marriage, but Mrs. Nurch insists on a dowry for her daughter Gwendolyn!
Elizabeth Hempworthy continues to pillage resources from the office while her colleagues work remotely, but during a Zoom call her treachery reaches amazing new heights!
The U.S. Department of Scheduling has an exciting new solution to America's burden of too many holidays!
Johnny Hambone and sidekick Rollo work county-wide to solve the mystery of parachute pants. But do they...?
Is obliviousness a higher state of being that transcends mere consciousness? Creg Bellowes couldn't say either way.
Ex-Commissar of Time, Maupertuis, goes back in time to July 20, 1974, where she faces the Catholic school science fair project that destroyed/began everything!
Thanks to technology whose potential for abuse is well beyond the moral capabilities of humankind, Maupertuis finds her adult mind sent back in time to inhabit her child body!
A film by Roger Corman: Lauren Starbuck and Stumpy Greene travel to Prague to chase golems!
Emily Wellingtonford, Canadian mine owner and usurer, falters in the face of an adamant usuree!
At Top Secret Hotel, everything is as it seems: robot jackals, surly maid service, and people living inside the walls!
Edgar Allan Poe V returns to the Baja Beach Club in Norway, Sweden, Wisconsin to embarrass and destroy it.
Norma the Mail Carrier and Old Man Fester have a run-in with Bad Nancy Drew and Bad Hardy Boys!
Opening soon! America's most disappointing and properly under-appreciated national park.
Edgar Allan Poe's great great great granddaughter reviews restaurant, and you know what that means!
Johnny Hambone, library bouncer and detective, worries with sidekick Rollo about the ontology of episode 5, so they call upon Novalis—again!
Bad Nancy Drew (Bitsy and Francine) meet Bad Hardy Boys (Tanner) and commit jolly beach crimes together!
Norma the Mail Carrier is annoyed on her postal route by Old Man Fester, who wants to talk about all his physical problems.
Once you enter the Harpsicord Closet, it's hard to move around because of all the harpsicords!
When you're tired of working remotely and flee back alone to the office, what treasures—and dangers—await?
Johnny Hambone uses German Romanticism to solve the mystery of an attempted return of cash to an ATM.
In a classic instance of the "locked cubicle" mystery, Johnny channels F.W.J. Schelling.
It's Valentine's Day, and philosopher Baruch Spinoza is ready to dispel all the illusions of love.
Anyone can be a social influencer. Telling the future online by reading goat intestines—that takes guts.
A crack in Johnny's Bildung leads him to a cubicle theft involving photos of the set of Friends.
Wendy Henderson continues to have trouble balancing "beauty" and "beast" in his new costume.
Any old critic can review a restaurant ... do you have what it takes to survive a supermarket deli dining room?
Since now everyone's an expert on everything, why not earn your higher degree from home?
The occasional series takes a look at an extraordinary pledge break from the Dawn of Time.
In this episode we discover that to our relief it’s the last one, ever, until the series is somehow resumed at some point.
"It's a really, really big shew"—totally unscripted, from the subconsciouses of Tony and Kevin!
Yes, Kevin thinks up the best episode titles, but he confesses to a being a life-long liar and tries to throw the blame for these best titles onto Tony.
This episode’s relaxed sense of emergency carries us soon to an account of how Kevin was wedged between sandbags during a flood as a 9-year-old, while Tony, unaccountably, wasn’t.
In the tradition of great and powerful critiques of timid thinking, Jacques d'Temps-en-temps and Hans Fluker return one last time to lament Men in Charge's portrayal of them as well as to lambast Tony and Kevin for their decision not to include more KISS and hovercrafts in their sketches.
The year is 1541 in a world much different from ours. Join an intrepid band of inventors, spies and scapegraces in an adventure that puts the hole Schmalkaldic saga in context!
There’s room for you on the Lord’s sofa because Tony and Kevin have come to the end (that is, they’ve “put down”) two long-running series.
The year is 1541 in a world much different from ours. Join an intrepid band of inventors, spies and scapegraces in an adventure that'll get you fired up!
In this episode, we learn why Assassin School is like summer camp but with even more blood and humiliation.
The year is 1541 in a world much different from ours. Join an intrepid band of inventors, spies and scapegraces as something watery this way comes!
Why are they above the Law? Because the Law sets a low Bar—look how many people pass it every year—and Tony and Kevin stride the world like a couple of tall people.
We quickly learn why Coroner’s office reform, long sought by Coroner’s Office reformers like Kevin, is best performed by cheerleaders: young men in skirts, even if Tony and Kevin get laughed out of the Coroner’s office yet again.
The meaning of this title is self-evident, right? Isn’t our Christian Nation walking on Really Bad Water right now? On Earth, only the well-armed shall be forgiven.
This episode is all about the paradox of the “happiness chimney,” where, as you’ll recall, you were put during sleep-away camp when you got out of hand. Remember?
In this episode, Kevin and Tony explain why your life feels so much like a big cheat. Why? Because they’re living your best life, sitting in the dark in their underwear drinking RC Cola, which is what you wish you could do, but you can’t, because you don’t have a radio show or podcast.
Our hosts address the semi-bi-annual question of how many pounds of dogs should dog pounds impound? As few as possible, they decide, so that as many as possible can go to dogless homes.
Welcome to the year 457 million BCE and another episode of "The Scales of Justice," the courtroom drama adventures of Balthasar Q. Esterhazy, Trilobite-at-Law. Esterhazy fights to prosecute the worst bottom-feeders in the Paleo-Tethys Ocean and put them behind bars of iron-hard coral for good—and does so one last time.
In this episode, Tony and Kevin explain the basis of their perfection, which is mainly that their self-regard is an affront to regular, more generic people, who themselves have failed to fully articulate the nature of our hosts’ excellence.
In this episode, Tony and Kevin explain the basis of their perfection, which is mainly that their self-regard is an affront to regular, more generic people, who themselves have failed to fully articulate the nature of our hosts’ excellence.
Kevin and Tony open with an intense discussion of the bus pass (good) versus the Donner Pass (less good unless traversed using a bus pass).
In this episode (only 21 more to go in Season 11), Tony and Kevin make the usual linkages between coffee and viruses, leaving no random thought unuttered.
In this episode, Kevin and Tony explore early use of swear words, and Kevin relates a traumatic event from his past.
For this gutsy little episode, Tony and Kevin try to overcome 11th-season lassitude by following the trail back to their entrails, and then getting lost.
In this episode, Kevin and Tony lay out strong arguments for why CGI creatures—to be realistic—need many more nostrils than are currently afforded them, especially knuckle nostrils.
With this new season, the eleventh, Tony and Kevin cheerfully declare their indifference both to the title and to the occasion by declaring this the “vestigial” season of Men in Charge.
Jeff White, Blanche Whitney, Bobby Van Illa and Ash Ivory pontificate on the inherent greatness of men...mostly white men.
Yes, for this episode, Marjorie Taylor Greene makes another laughable appearance, but more about that in a moment.
Faced with implacable offspring, Tony and Kevin wonder if indeed they are virgins, or whether they even have kids, or if their kids adopted them, or whether anything has ever actually happened.
Everyone loves the "Below the Music" podcast with Dr. Elinor Galworthy, the real life show about your favorite bands. But this week they forgot to schedule a band to documentarily spy on, so they're doing "Men in Charge" instead.
The Men in Charge surveillance team reaches the nadir of its zenith opportunities as Kevin and Tony read from your old report cards!
In this episode, Tony and Kevin take just enough time to explain why it’s good we’re not livestock, if indeed we’re not, which we probably are. Sigh.
The valiant crews of the Earth Space Force rockets Vanguard and Knausgaard start a Martin-Earth Space War, an event too big for the font we chose for the title of this episode!
The crews of the Earth Space Force rockets Vanguard and Knausgaard confront "Administrative Evil"!
Yes, it's the 200th episode of Men in Charge (collect them all and trade with your friends!)
In this episode, Kevin at last tells his shoplifting stories—when his father tackled a man trying to leave the store with several hams wedged into his clothes, and when Kevin himself tackled a very sad chap with a Stephen Sondheim book concealed similarly.
n this bumper edition of "What's New with You?" award-winning baritone host Roger Basement interviews Seymour Krofft, adopted son of Sid and Marty Krofft—of the Amazing World of Sid and Marty Krofft.
This episode continues the “animal” theme from the previous episode and then immediately drops it.
Bastardy as genealogy is an ill-understood topic that Kevin and Tony make murkier. But as they forget to quote Edmund in King Lear, “Now, gods, stand up for bastards!” But they tie the title nimbly into the succession of segments. First, Mr. Skids returns in his usual early morning comatose state to “save the congregation.” As he dozes alcoholically on the church steps of a Sunday morning, the Army of the Faithful stands ready to trample him to death on their way to worship. Will he hold them back by force of lassitude? We’ll see… Next, there’s a commercial/exposé on “The Invermectin Roundup,” because who needs a vaccine when you can get a dangerous and ineffective deworming substitute? Plus, Ivermectin brings our people’s inner bovinity. Finally, a return of the underemployed mafioso, in “Aidan and Largo Seek Counseling.” Our hairy-knuckled heroes find themselves with a free morning and les âmes malheureuses, and so seek a single session of free counseling to feel good about arson again. Bastards? Yes, because they learned their trade in the Orphanage.
Tony and Kevin fret about how people today, especially Kevin’s family, just don’t care about groin sprains, especially Kevin’s, the way folks used to back in the day and ought to now, consarn it! But then, excitement builds with part deux of Emily Wellingtonford’s encounter with the “Edmonton Chanteuse,” Betty Ann Rutherfordford (if that is her real name), whose voice includes something uncannily canny. Next, a work by a new writer (listen to the credits for who it is), “The Noble Gases Committee.” What happens when inert gases get together to discuss new members? The usual sniping and clubby shunning, of course. Finally, we go to Hog Bristle, Texas, for “Hogs of Justice.” And yes, it’s about That Topic. Be assured, though, that this North Korea style surveillance & bounty law gets a good dope slapping. Of course, what it really needs is a good old-fashioned groin sprain.
In this long-awaited “pants” episode, Kevin and Tony use the late Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld’s dim-witted remark to a soldier as way of addressing the similarly dim-witted remarks of those who are against pants mandates in this country. Matching that foolishness are this weeks segments. First, Emily Wellingtonford (chapter 9!) wishes to bring Edmonton nightlife to Coronach, while Archie, her lover/captive, flees into November night. Next, Roger Basement interviews Father Blemish, an unfrocked priest, who reviews (harshly) his clerical colleagues' pulpitry, and finally, on Pox & Phlegm, Marjorie Taylor Greene reappears to upbraid former V.P. Mike Pence for his failure to be hanged on January 6th. Well, you go to an insurrection with the V.P. you have, right?
In this episode, Tony and Kevin discuss the need to cover themselves with glory, because no one else will. To forward that effort, the show starts with “The Men in Charge Talent Search,” a shabby effort to lure the local populace into working for Men in Charge for free, after they’ve paid their “audition fees” into the MiC vanity press account. Next, our hosts give us a sort of homage to film director Roger Corman, who may be alive (or not (check your Schrödinger’s box to be sure!)) in a radio drama called “Strike, Cassowary! Kill! Kill!,” about an avian/human love affair and white guys who like to shoot things. After that, we have a visit with Nana June, a farmer who cooks up devastating sound effects to punish her irritating engineer. Finally, Kevin and Tony are musically audited by “Moragh van der Werff, Professional Radio Comedy Sketch Show Music Consultant,” who wants to set our hosts straight on how pathetically injudicious their interstitial music choices have been for years now. A talent search is clearly in order…
In this episode we learn that by winning the minority vote, writer Ann Porter imposed that terrible title upon us. (But Kevin and Tony still want you to buy Men in Charge cologne…) They soon leave this lamentable topic and move on to “European Complainers Society 2,” in which the absent virtues of pork products are discussed in a complaining tone, as is Teddy Roosevelt. After that, we move to the fifth (5th) segment of the series, “A Man Called Bamby.” Our heroes voice-over characters Michael and Amber remain trapped in the bar (they’re only voice overs, after all), and Mr. Giuliani, mob boss and hair-dye fetishist, threateningly appears. Finally, the show introduces a new, prequel series: “Bruno Calamari, Norwegian Political Operative!” How did Sheriff Coors become Sheriff Coors? And why are zip ties so darned hard to use? This new series begins to partially answer those questions…
In this episode we learn that by winning the minority vote, writer Ann Porter imposed that terrible title upon us. (But Kevin and Tony still want you to buy Men in Charge cologne…) They soon leave this lamentable topic and move on to “European Complainers Society 2,” in which the absent virtues of pork products are discussed in a complaining tone, as is Teddy Roosevelt. After that, we move to the fifth (5th) segment of the series, “A Man Called Bamby.” Our heroes voice-over characters Michael and Amber remain trapped in the bar (they’re only voice overs, after all), and Mr. Giuliani, mob boss and hair-dye fetishist, threateningly appears. Finally, the show introduces a new, prequel series: “Bruno Calamari, Norwegian Political Operative!” How did Sheriff Coors become Sheriff Coors? And why are zip ties so darned hard to use? This new series begins to partially answer those questions…
Kevin and Tony make the arch but essential distinction between confessing to whatever idiocies they may or may not have committed and providing an exculpating justification. You could learn something from this, Listener. But if you don’t, you can still attend carefully to this episode’s segments. First we have a return to “Pox & Phlegm,” with a special guest: Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, who has no excuse for anything, whether it’s “teen dating,” cocaine use, or lying unconvincingly. Next, a commercial for “Melania’s Mousse & Fuss Hair Salon,” which reveals what really goes through the FFLOTUS’s head, and why. Finally, the fourth (4th) in the meta-neo- noir series, “A Man Called Bamby,” in which Michael and Bamby board the train that has been chasing them and are then treated rudely by a teenage girl. Naturally, there’s no excuse for that sort of behavior, but she doesn’t care.
Tony and Kevin complain, as a couple of older white guys always do, complain about other species get away with stuff regular humans like them can’t. Why do animals commit murder? Why do they so often die at each other’s teeth and claws? Why do they even attack humans just for invading their habitat and poking at them? The answer may well be clear, Listener. After a cheap segue to unrelated segments, we have a new “Adventures of SkyHighMan” (#7!), in which our Dog Food heir, Wendel (Wendy) Henderson goes after a criminal mastermind named The Overthinker, because that’s all their parents could come up with. Next, we have a commercial for “Thoughts and Prayers Legal Services.” With all the killings, this sponsor is making a killing! And yes, that’s in very bad taste! Finally, we return to “Johnny Hambone, Library Bouncer: Podcast from the Hammock” (#6!), in which Johnny, still on work release to help his former cellmate, Big Nell, in her struggle against the extortionate white suburban moms’ syndicate. Listen for the helicopters…
Brian Lindsey—yes, The Brian Lindsey—returns this week for another hard-hitting interview, in which Kevin and Tony ask him which Men in Charge segments he’s enjoyed most over the years, and who’s taller. He anticipates enjoying the first segment, when we hear the orders from corporate about Men in Charge “Tattoo Guidelines,” and how Kevin needs a chip in his head, not just in his arm from the vaccine. Next, Tony and Kevin air “Failed Narrations,” which by definition weren’t supposed to be aired but now, unaccountably, they are. Thirdly, you’ll hear the first of what should be many in a series, “Hamster Sheetcakes,” in which we meet an enterprising entrepreneur (same word, actually!), as well as some hamsters with very fine fine motor skills. Lastly, Roger Basement interviews a sad sack of a less entrepreneurial business owner, with “Discount Landscaping.” Learn how cruel and capricious Nature can be as you adjust to the new chip in your head!
Tony and Kevin invite the mysterious Brian Lindsey—the unacknowledged master of solo Twister—to explain why listeners tune into only the very end of each Men in Charge episode. After that, our hosts explain how each of the segments for this episode is unrelated to the episode’s title. First, “Cajun Chef and Sniper”: a Cajun Chef TV show is enlivened—or deadened—by the unaccountable presence of a sniper in the rafters. Next, Roger Basement interviews two brothers who write incriminatingly “Fair and Balanced Blurbs” that they paste onto the dust jackets of books in bookstores throughout Lower Heights. Third, a public service announcement for “Sticky Wicket Surprise Pricks,” a British program for vaccine awareness that surprises citizens with a sudden prick. Finally, a return to “Family Dentistry—with Timmy!”, wherein our family of dentists gathers for Sunday breakfast after church, which they religiously fail to attend. Find out why, by yourself, and win!
In this episode, Kevin and Tony take derisive issue with frightened young white men in polo shirts who fear being replaced by better people. Next, Scott tells us about the first segment, “Basalt Adventures,” a commercial he wrote on behalf of a new MiC sponsor, but his explanation was unaccountably beside the point, about the moon and stuff. Don’t believe anything he says. After that we have an extended segment about Kevin’s escape from the Lower Heights Child Labor Force Camp, along with a few fellow intrepid campers, through the sewer, where they of course encounter several prominent media figures. Finally, Tom Selleck—grumpy grandpa mustache himself—tries to persuade the financially vulnerable that they need a reverse mortgage. Trust him, or he’ll hit you with a stick.
Tony and Kevin (and Scott!) begin listing all eleven things that are wrong but halt on Carson Daly, about whom more than eleven things are wrong, so the whole question became overwhelming. They then went on to list what was wrong with the two segments on this episode: “A Man Called Bamby, part 3—the extended version”—in which Mr. Bamby and Michael the bartender/novelist peer through the window into the bar as Mafia Goons Aiden and Largo consult their boss’s mother, Mrs. Giuliani, about how to protect themselves from her son’s wrath, and Bamby’s voice-over persona tries to flirt with Michael’s voice-over persona while lying flat in a near coma, talking to himself. Next, in “Mr. Skids Saves the School Bus Children,” the unreliable, drunken old lout, Mr. Skids, takes a couple of surly teenagers on a bus trip to the Art Museum, but he doesn’t even wake up enough to fall asleep at the wheel. Is this a job once again for 9-year-old Billy? Isn’t it always?
This first episode of the season starts with ontological questions: What does it mean to be “Kevin”? Can anyone be Kevin, even Scott? Naturally, they get all the answers they deserve. Meanwhile, Tony and Kevin are out of the Sewer and the Earthen Bunker, where they were quarantined, shivering in the chill until the swine flu pandemic provisionally faded. We say “provisionally” because Americans are “thinning the herd” by flinching from the scary, scary vaccines. Well, more food for the rest of us! There’s lots of herd-thinning too in “Auditioning for Men in Charge,” which takes you behind the scenes as hopeful actors audition for a mere walk-on radio part. Next, “Bad Nancy Drew” (4!) returns: upon their release from prison, Aunt Sally and Gordon Holly plot revenge against Bitsy and Francine! Then, unaccountably, another game show, “Three Truths and a Lie,” in which a difficult contestant exploits the emotional fragility of the host, thinning the herd of hosts!
Chapter 10 takes its succession number seriously, following upon Chapter 9 almost too closely. On Phobos and Deimos respectively, the abandoned Eugene 2000 and Lt. Schickelgruber argue about which one of them is the more marooned. Then, in a dusty Martian diner, Commander Train, with and Ensign Zinn debate with Sammy Kahlua (Martian wet nurse) about the treacheries of ethics and cuisine in a tug of war over a duffel bag full of doomsday weapons. Finally, on board a stolen landing craft, Cadet Trepanier, ex-Ensign Nemesis, and Lt. jg. Lindley struggle over communication problems that should be taken to HR. Meanwhile, on board the Vanguard, Captain Major and Cadet Billy watch as the previously liquified Captain Casey begins to gel into semi-human form. And new sponsors? Yes. Open your wallets here for “Atomic Jelly Bags” and “Gritty Rainbow Gasoline”!
At long last, we now return to the unprofessional antics of the Earth Space Force in the futuristic future: 1992, when the rocket ship Vanguard travels to Mars to put down a Martian rebellion against Earth’s noble empire. As we catch up with the crew, Commander Train and Ensign Zinn, forced to hitchhike on the Red Planet, are picked up by—you guessed it—a Martian wet nurse named Sammy Kahlua. Meanwhile, Lt. jg. Averill Chesterfield III is marooned on Phobos with the spiteful robot Eugene 2000, trapped in a shallow chasm and menaced by fanged chasm creatures! Further meanwhile, Cadet Cindy and Lt. Schickelgruber, who is still strapped to his gurney and without his pain medication, head off in a stolen landing craft to rescue as many of their lost crew members as they care to. And hey, bloggers: Does this episode adhere to Aristotle’s unities of action, setting, and time? Well, yes, if by “unities” we mean “discontinuities”...
In this episode, Tony and Kevin explain why it’s so important to storm the Capitol if you object to, well, to Reality. Petulance fueled by hallucination can be the New Patriotism if we’re willing to be idiots. Moving to the episode’s sketches, in “Unclogging the Spam Filter 14,” we delve deep into Kevin’s past to find out why his mother had to abandon him when he didn’t past a swimming test. Next, in “What’s New with You?” Roger Basement interviews a man who dabbles in Child Psychology—to no avail—what we might have learned from the pandemic. Finally, in “Little Debbie,” we go to a supermarket and listen in on an assault by a violent box of sugary carbohydrates. We are all the Capitol being stormed, apparently…
In this episode, Kevin and Tony examine what happens when you drop two or more American quarters down into a storm sewer, or worse, into Canadian parking meters. In the former case, you can always climb down into the sewer to recover them, but in the latter, your coins are lost forever: hoarded by Canadians to fund Socialism and thus impose health care and other services that in America would be considered antithetical to freedom. So, stay out of Canada, and attend to today’s segments. First, we have back-to-back returns of “Bad Nancy Drew” in which Francine and Bitsy labor to keep their innocent Aunt Sally—and their English teacher, Mr. Holly— incarcerated. Those are followed by a return to “Bingo Night at the Kushners!” Tonight’s gathering at Jared and Ivanka’s includes National Crank Award winner Marjorie Taylor Greene! Finally, Tony and Kevin peddle “Pledge Week Swag,” with more stuff, which, if you buy it, will be another 50¢ down the drain.
You might mistake this for a conclusion of Chronicles of the Schmalkaldic League 3, and if you made that mistake, you'd actually be right. What is the "Revelation of the Huzhon Frisee," who is Baron Keith Random and why does he look so good in board shorts? Find out who gets macerated and who is spared in this startling conclusion!
The most interesting book ever to come out of Johanna Gutenberg's print shop in Heidelberg was the Complutensian Bible--a living, walking, hard candy-hating book of sacred scripture. Agents of Holy Roman Emperor Charles V immediately target the Bible for their own, chasing it to the demilitarized zone of the Hungarian plain where the fierce and intelligent cabbages called the Huzhon Frisee live. Called upon to rescue the Bible and confront the plans of the evil Margaret of Parma and Count Crimsyn, Grimhilda the Psychosomatic Poisoner and Aldo Krasplasian, Hungary's King of Puppets team up with Johanna Gutenberg and "Junker Jorg," the League's disinformation specialist. That's a lot of exposition!
In an episode notable perhaps only for the length of its title, Men in Charge take you back into the "Habsburg-punk" era of the Schmalkaldic League, 16th century Europe's last, best hope against the machinations of the Emperor Charles V. This episode, "Genesis of the Complutensian Bible," introduces a walking, talking book of holy scripture, a miniaturized inventor of the European printing press, King Gustavus Vasa's invention, "the Macerator," and intelligent, hungry vegetables--the Huzhon Frisee! Or maybe you've been relying on these episode descriptions and little too much and we're lying. You'll find out.
A lot of Big Boy thinking went into this episode, one in which the title is actually relevant to its contents. What is “Big Boy” thinking? It’s the kind of unaccustomed exertion that stretches men’s minds, perhaps for the first time, all the way outside of their private circumstances to truly examine the State of Things. So, Alden and Largo, underemployed Mafia Goons, are prominently featured in this episode. First, they cross the street to force “Spunky McBeef’s Pizza Arcade” out of business. Alas, their Big Boy thinking come all too late. More Big Boy thinking shows up with part two of “Bingo Night at the Kushners.” Jared and Ivanka hope to restore their fortunes by holding Bingo Night at their new home in Lower Heights, but Kayleigh McAnany neglects to bring the sheet cake because, you know, she lies. Then we return to the misfortunes of Alden and Largo for “PallMallMark PAC,” where they are manipulated into lobbying for Big Greeting Card to increase the number of Federal holidays. It’s all way too much for them to figure out.
In what’s perhaps the strangest banter in nine seasons of Men in Charge, Kevin and Tony discuss the delicate shades of meaning in the question, “What if he’s a little drunk?” and then, unaccountably, wander into the woods for the distinction between “tenterhooks” (correct) and “tender hooks” (laughably incorrect). Most disturbing of all, Kevin tells us about his recent interview on a celebrated podcast but refuses to tell us which podcast. As for the segments, we first learn about “Darcy Lombard: Paranoid Realtor,” who sells concrete bunkers, where you can store your weapons, body armor, and Viking helmets for your next insurrection. Next, there’s a commercial for “Men in Charge Swag,” stuff that you can buy as a way to cut down on your savings. Finally, in a new “What’s New with You?: I Care, with Ears,” Roger Basement interviews a man whose call-in show answers listeners’ relationship questions with sports and truck references that are not even tangentially related to the questions. He’s not even a little drunk!
In what it is a partially money-themed episode, Tony and Kevin first explain where the many “heres” are wherein listeners can empty their wallets. Then, in the first segment, “Bingo Night at the Kushners,” Ivanka and Jared Kushner try to recover some of their social and economic capital by holding a bingo night for their new neighbors in Lower Heights. Next, in a new “Unclogging the Spam Filter,” Kevin and Tony try yet again to coax a large sum of money from another nice British widow who contacted them and so many others on her robo-email list. Finally, in “36-Hour Cable News,” we learn how much more news there can be when time is stopped for an extra twelve hours a day. Apparently, there’s just a lot of waiting around, with little to do but to empty your wallets, here.
In this episode, Kevin and Tony encourage the Listener to call in to the station to nominate “Men in Charge” for an award, given that the show is now, legally, award-eligible. “Best Hair” award for the hosts? Why not? “Most Likely to Succeed Recede into Oblivion”? That too. But because self-congratulations can take the show only so far, matters move to the further adventures of “Emily Wellingtonford, Canadian Mine Owner and Usurer,” in which Emily continues her dalliance with Constable Coors, while the elderly Mrs. Wepford, locked in a utility closet, dreams herself into a nightmarish reality. Next, Kitty McQueen, feline chanteuse whose star is always starting to rise, finds herself singing to an entire stadium of… well, you’ll just have to listen in. Finally, Tony and Kevin leave the basement where the Men in Charge spam filter is kept and head to Brazil in response to a spam ad for laborers at a soybean farm. Our hosts gather all the credentials they can muster to prove their qualifications for the job, but let’s just say they don’t win any awards for it. Now get back work, Listener.
In this full-length radio play, an unrelated sequel to “Kubrick, Shaw, Haldane & Clarke, Case 1,” this serendipitous band of scientists, film auteurs, and other non-scientists investigate the death of a window washer in the 1960, all without the assistance of Artie Shaw, who still insisted on title credit. But is the cause of death a good enough crime to merit the magisterial title of “Murder”? Unearth your inner snob, Listener, and hear for yourself!
Given the outcry, however muted, for the further adventures of “Wine Tasting with Men in Charge: The Next Generation,” Kevin and Tony oblige with further misuse of the Listener’s time. It’s a full-length episode, broken only by a commercial for “Bob Hacks Property Management.” Kevin and Tony’s wine-tasting avatars, Tamsin and Kennedy, find themselves confronted by oddly familiar counterparts in Mom jeans and wedge sandals. Is this time travel? A bad dream triggered by sausage sulfites? Tune in to find out, or wait for the movie!
In this episode, Tony quickly dispenses with the title, “Objet d’Eric,” and lurches off in an unprecedented rant about shame-shaming and the idiotic “Who’s to say…?” question, until Kevin presses hard with his strangely soft philosopher hands to bring Tony down from his sputtering summit. With a deft segue, they then move into the episode’s segments. First, “Spic and Spandits 2”: Chloë and Madison go on tour with their redecorating banditry but bang into the long, hairy arm of Johnny Law. Next, there’s a commercial for “Kent Jennings’ Puzzle Grubs,” a handy solution to the problem of jigsaw puzzles further ruining an already ruined beach vacation. Finally, we return after many years to “Wine tasting with Men in Charge,” but it’s moved to the Next Generation—and this time the bad idea is Kevin’s. Is he ashamed? You bet he is.
It’s the midseason end of Season 9 and thus the beginning of reruns/the Apocalypse. Many End Times predictions go under the discussion knife, however untreatable. But this episode's three and a .5 segments will help the Listener prepare for the next End Times. First, we have a commercial for “Don Capoblanco's Pizza Village,” a mafia-run entertainment center for the whole family! Next, we go to the Threadbare Preparatory Academy to listen in on a faculty meeting, which is the heart of every school, where we learn what fire alarms are really for. Next, Kevin and Tony host a Big Name NPR reporter, showing her a good time by collecting dangerously realistic sound effects. Finally, Tony and Kevin wish everyone—absolutely everyone—a happy holiday, regardless of the holiday and whether on not anyone actually wants one.
This episode is the only one bold enough to address the overly casual use of modifiers (ie: “Actual”) and their power to corrupt the very concept of a “category” and thus the mind’s ability to form patterns. Tony and Kevin had better not be the only ones pissed off about this. But tempers are tempered by the episodes’ segments. First, the call-in show “Ask Your Weasel Trainer!” ruins a promising NPR career because of too much clawing and biting. Next, “Octadextromethylcyclotetradiazepam” tells the cruel story of a drug that is far too successful at changing your life at the expense of others’. Thirdly, in “Bad Nancy Drew,” two teenage girls try to undo Nancy Drew’s legacy by building criminal cases against the innocent. Finally, “Existentialists on a Hovercraft 3!” finds our hovercraft-wrecked protagonists all damp from the surrounding water as they wait for rescue from either the Coast Guard, the Salvation Army, or an exciting new hybrid!
What’s worse—selling your body or your very soul and the soul of your country? Let Tony and Kevin answer that, because apparently the New America can’t. Maybe this episode’s segments will help, or maybe not… First, “Dr. Orville Preacher, On Your Healthiness” returns with more pseudo-quasi-medical advice, and hapless sidekick Tim Wattles melts into his final, gelatinous phase. Then we make another visit to the rocky west of Ireland for “Fiona Lynch’s Irish Burrito Stand and Backyard Boxing Gym.” Will young Liam McTaggert be plucked away from Fiona’s clutches by a wealthy American relative? Finally, there’s “Kitty McQueen,” a feline chanteuse who has trouble with a Manx boyfriend and a top dog cop. Boy can she sing, though… (These segments were written by Kevin Decker, Tony Flinn, and Ann Porter, which no one thought to mention during the show, damn it!)
From his earthen bunker, Tony describes how he ended up even farther into the depths of the earth while just trying to make some extra room for new rats. From his sewer, Kevin smiles benignly. This episode attempts to get at the nature of some strange relics they both found while exploring their pandemic-era digs: glassware in the shape of cans, with removable lids. When cans were made of glass, indeed! And the confusion doesn't stop there, as we travel back to the Sumerian Era of Mesopotamia for Fertile Crescent Sumerian Investigators's latest episode, "The Big Ziggurat" and Lieutenant Lugalzaggesi is excited about a new form of torture: waterboarding. After that, Roger Basement, host of "What's New with You?" talks with his newest guest about Videoconferencing Tips. Listen in and you'll be communicating online as effectively as Jeffrey Toobin in no time! Finally, Vladimir Putin is summoned to Laboratory X below the Kremlin to examine a new time-travel device. In "Back to the Putin," he gets to test wits with his teenage self, and things only go downhill from there.
Tony and Kevin again present a curated collection of four of their funniest sketches since last episode. First, however, they must dissect the meaning of their chosen episode title, "Spittoon of the Zeitgeist." Whatever the current zeitgeist is, they agree that it belongs in a spittoon. Then, starting with a fresh spittoon, they lead into the sketch "The Pharmacist that Doesn't Like to Hear About Your Medical Conditions" which, although enormously funny, is also self-explanatory. Then it's an episode of the new talk show virtually no one is talking about, "Now We're Worshipping...." This week, the object of pious veneration is...snakes! With a special guest appearance by Snake Deity! Then it's off to the ivy-covered ivory tower of your local university, where people just trying to protest violently are being taught "How to Protest Peacefully." Finally, we return to the latest chapter in the saga of Salesdog Spot, who nails his audition at a casting call, then aims to nail a potted plant across the room when his bladder relaxes.
As the ambiguity of the title indicates, this episode explores “ambiguity” in three of its nuances. Count if you don’t believe us, and then never believe us again. Coincidentally, this episode unleashes three segments: 1) The return of “Chester Hehdridge,” who meets a pair of near-worthy opponents in a parking lot; 2) a commercial/true-life drama, “Dictator Paints,” in which a nearly invisible reporter spies on a transaction in an authoritarian paint store; and 3) “Whose Desuetude is Recrudescent,” in which mean-spirited documentarian Thor-Igor Rasmussen interrogates Novak Djokovic, famous line-judge-hitting tennis player, just to be mean-spirited. So listen, learn, and then forget.
Tony and Kevin discuss reasons why some people are tall and whether or not any of them have any reason to be. Usually they don't. Also attentive listeners will be able to divine Kevin and Tony's true heights. Prepare to be unsurprised. This episode features three award-winning-adjacent scripts: 1) Didier Vendage, on "Disgruntled Belgian Talk Radio," receives an offer to marry into the Belgian Royal Family, but (chuckle) not in the way he'd like; 2) Next, writer Jarrett Langford inaugurates "The Kevin Decker Radio Hour," which seems to be missing something, but at least Putin is interviewed; 3) and finally, we meet "Leona Perkins, Insensitive Geneologist," where we learn not to trust the information on fast food menus. The sobbing at the end is great, too. Meanwhile, if you're unnecessarily tall, start deferring to short people.
Listener protestations to the contrary, Kevin and Tony decide it's time measure the inadequacies of their audience up against their own. Let's just say it doesn't turn out well for the listeners. To cheer up those mortified folks, the show moves on to this week's pre-award-winning segments: First, we're back to "Heaving Bosoms," chapter 15, with the old geezer Crone baby, and a new wrinkle-removing product. After that, a new convenience store adventure at the "Bilk N' Go," Capitalism is re-examined, and maybe derided. Thirdly brings us a return to the "Bad Advice Demon," featuring drunken poetry about laundry. Finally, we have the return of "A Man Called Bamby." Mr. Bamby has fled the bar where two mafia goons were roughing up his voice-over persona, but he's not home free. Hang onto your wallets, listener.
When Maestro (c)-sponsored magician Doug Henning retired from his spankly jumpsuits and stage magic in 1985--destined to get a haircut, his fans guessed that he might get heavily involved with David Lynch and George Harrison in the Transcendental Meditation movement--and that he might run for MP B lackpool for the Natural Law Party. When it is revealed, in 1995, that Henning was Canadian, all of this is both confirmed and problematized. This special picks up that story where it left off many years ago, and features special appearances by Don ("Miami Vice") Johnson, Bob Uecker, Dr. Ruth "Where's the Beef" Westheimer, President Clinton, and a special surprise science popularizer! You care, but maybe you shouldn't?
In this episode, Kevin and Tony—from the comfort of their sewer and earthen bunker respectively—discuss ways that arming the citizenry inevitably leads to peace. At the same time, necessarily, they explore which kinds of mold provide good body insulation when it grow on clothes and skin. With all that resolved, our boys move on to this episode's four segments. First, in “Dangerous Cousins-in-Law Part 2,” Darlene and Mabel play an alphabet game to guess the crime that Regina is planning. Second, it’s a new Jarrett Langford script: “Dungeon Doctor,” in which a doctor and nurse roll the dice to determine a patient’s treatment. Third is “Civics in a Bottle”—learning history from beer and wine labels. Why not? Finally, in “Spic and Spandits,” Chloë and Madison move their cast-off (but expensive!) furniture from their houses to yours—whether you want them to or not! But relax. Maybe they’re armed.
In this episode, Kevin and Tony open the show by mulling the various manifestations of “milk,” finally facing the long-festering question of milk’s gender. Then, first up is “A Man Called Bamby,” a noirish mystery in Manhattan bar in 1948, featuring meta-narrative trickery. Next, we have the first drug commercial ever aired, for “Quaaludes.” Don’t nod off! Thirdly, Johnny Hambone, Library Bouncer, records his first podcast—from a hammock, in the woods, in the rain. Finally, Tony and Kevin re-open the Spam Filter to hear from a strange creature who has a “requst” for some of staff writer Ann Porter’s art. Better get blogging!