The Benchwarmer Report: Recent Episodes
Old Brighton FC
Since 1989, 'The Benchwarmer' has been causing a stir with his weekly Old Brighton match reports. Whilst one of our most ardent supporters, he is also more than capable of being brutally honest and dishing out criticism to whomever he sees fit. In fact, previous requests to tone down his honesty have proven futile. Comical, scathing, theatrical and unique, he invokes the old Jack Dyer phrase "for them" at the end of virtually every sentence.
In his own words... "The Benchwarmer was only ever meant to be fun. In the early days, when about three people listened, I used to amuse myself berating the umpires, the opposition, the crowd, the facilities, creating the archetypal one-eyed Tonner supporter. Everything was fair game. You could do that before we took life so seriously."
He claims since to have "lost his edge", but we don't think much has changed. Listen at your own risk!
The Benchwarmer is back and in a big way as he breaks down a mammoth weekend of footy. Tune in as the Tonners overpowered a rampant SKOB side in a top of the table clash for the ages.
The boys made the trip west to St Bernards this week and ofcourse the Benchwarmer wasn't going to miss it.
Hello Douglas! better late than never. Back to winning ways this week for the boys in blue and red and as always the Benchwarmer had plenty to say.
Back to winning ways this week for the boys in Red and Blue, the Benchwarmer had plenty to say about it.
This week the Benchwarmer reflects on the first loss of the season as the boys went toe to toe with a fiery Old Scotch outfit.
What a round of footy it was as the Tonners recorded a gutsy come from behind win against a red hot Uni Blues. Have a listen to what the Benchwarmer had to say about it.
The Benchwarmer is back again as the season gets well and truly under way, and this week proved to be an absolute nail biter as the boys came out on top against a fiery Old Xavs side.
The Benchwarmer is back in a big way in 2022!
Back watching the game with 'the fools on the hill', he reflects on some of the fresh faces in this year's lineup as the club secured 6/7 wins in a magnificent Round 1.
Despite not being able to attend the game, The Benchwarmer has still managed to report on our Round 14 clash with 'The Kevin', courtesy of live phone updates by 'The Big Fella'. The Tonners hung on for a tense 3-point win at TH King Oval, further solidifying their position in the top 4.
On a frosty day at Glenhuntly Oval, Caulfield regained the Greg Tootel Cup with a 14-point win over the Tonners.
6/6 Tonner wins for the first time in our history, Douglas! The Benchwarmer reports on a magnificent weekend for the club, for them.
Not even the Victorian State Government could not stop The Benchwarmer from delivering a long-awaited report. Although he was "denied his basic right to watch the Tonner" and could not attend the game in person, regular updates from "the big fella" allowed him to piece the picture together. And what a magnificent picture it was for them Douglas, as the Tonners ran amok in the first and last quarters, "leaving the Uni to revise their syllabus".
The Benchwarmer reflects on a disappointing 41-point loss to an impressive Old Xavs. Despite the loss, he was pleased with the performance of new boys Andy Doyle, Joel Crocker & Cal Wellings.
The Benchwarmer was in fine form in Round 5 as the Tonners secured a 12-point win over 'the privileged'. As usual, no target was off limits as he wound back the clock to rip into no less than the umpires, the opposition, the kit providers, the AFL, and his own fading eye-sight. The Tonners now sit top of the Premier ladder, with the Benchwarmer rightly pointing out that the boys look to be more 'connected' than ever, for them.
The Benchwarmer was very pleased after 'an immensely satisfying' victory over 'the purple' in Jack Watts' Old Brighton debut.
Are you there Douglas?
After 18 months, a pandemic & some back surgery, The Benchwarmer is back.
Back to his scathing best, he didn't pull any punches as he ripped into the digitalisation of The Amateur Footballe record & odd jumper numbers... for them.
Blustery conditions on the weekend evoked dark memories of our 2007 Premier Grand Final loss against Old Xavs, however, on the weekend the fortunes were in our favour, reports The Benchwarmer.
A proud Benchwarmer reflects on what was potentially the best game of the year, our Round 16 loss to Uni Blues.
The Benchwarmer reflects on an uncharacteristically one-sided clash with Old Trinity in which Seb Williams snagged 11 goals!
The Benchwarmer reflects on an extraordinary day of football where the Seniors & Reserves matches were both decided with the last kick of the day.
Whack! The Benchwarmer takes swipe at the Young Guns Game, Optus, the NBN & the privileged, amongst other things in our magnificent Round 12 victory.
It was a torrid day at Brighton Beach Oval as we secured a well-needed victory over De La Salle.
Ah Dougy, another comprehensive review of this week's round of Old Brighton football, for them.
Ah well Douglas. The Benchwarmer reviews a disappointing day for the Tonners out at The Snakepit.