Mayo in NOLA: Recent Episodes
Cody
TOGETHER
It’ll be OK…okay….
One Day.
It’s okay that you bled out and showed the world your nature.
Your true self, enlightened, and free.
Hugging the wheels of the champaign.
Going crazy, questioning everything.
Bewildered to the nonsense that you keep chasing.
Running away from that feeling.
That being.
Who is he?
Why does he matter?
You can get by but don’t want to.
I know you.
I feel the simplicity of your nature.
It seeps through the chaos.
Derived by blessings and coffee.
Hands folded across the table…
You look away.
But I don’t think it’s a bad thing…
I think its fucking scary.
I want to run into your arms and just cry.
I know you can’t do that though.
I know you can’t be there for me like I feel Iike I need.
In all actuality I don’t know what I need.
But I know you’ll be there when I figure it out.
And I really want to now.
I saw you and wanted to get rid of all my baggage.
So much so, I thought that meant me too.
But that wasn’t the case.
It isn’t the case.
I hope we can still get coffee…..
Be really happy around eachother.
Enjoy eachother.
Learn more about ourselves with eachother.
Then one day, we’ll just end up next to eachother.
Together.
MONDAY
I can get out of bed today.
I can feel my face today.
I can look myself in the eyes today.
I can attempt to love the person I see, but its not me.
Not today.
Not today, is what I said.
Monday is what I meant.
That’s when I will smile.
Sunday, I will prep.
Hold my hands down and work.
Get ready for the life I made.
Face it.
Deny it.
Try again.
Work on the present to exist.
The normal I must feel.
The willingness to persist.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am that one chick.
Loud and abrupt with whiskey breath.
Quiet and unsure with weed on my brain.
Illuminated with mushrooms in my stomach.
Altering lives with acid in my third eye.
Changing depth of perception by my presence.
Lost souls on my couch.
Everyone is trying.
Including her and her…and her.
We all feel the leeching bout of time.
Our lives cumbersome.
Building for that sublime.
Let’s try this again.
Hello.
I am.
Nobody.
Back to bed I go.
Good night to the world.
All the views in this mild exposure.
My face burnt from the sun.
My eyes wide to the truth.
I love myself.
I’m sorry you don’t see it.
Maybe Monday.
OVER I got to the world of running, falling, and making decisions not to get up….. It was a life choice to inhibit all things catastrophic and counterproductive. The world ending at my fingertips… Instead of fate procuring the right to denounce reality… Fait simply leads one to the dire end of the rope spiritually. “It was pronounced GEMstones”, she hollered from the sidewalk. Hair tasseled with fragments of the air breathing on her skin. It was the day death rolled through, and pronounced, this is the end. She was petrified as the ambulance rolled her to the hospital…. But relieved that her day was over. I only wanted to sleep. Say goodnight to my son and move on to the emptiness that holds my heart. I wanted to give in and let the world swallow me whole….but I guess…I didn’t fit. The dogs to stop…the children to stop asking…..the men to stop demanding. I just want to be with no obligation…no real need for me but a want. I just want to stop serving a purpose…..and instead fulfill a purpose. Loudly, take over the world and truly make it a better place. A contrived generosity that actually submits to the way of kindness. It will never make sense. She woke up and the entire world was white… except the teal suit that brought so much simplicity and calmness to her life….all of a sudden. ‘Where am I?” she yelled out the window covered in plexiglass…. There was Ol ’New Orleans….spread out from a far. She cried. Who knew you could travel all the way down to New Orleans just to kill yourself. Who knew that when you put your head out the window….that you really don’t enjoy the wind hitting your face… You know…its easy to get trampled on the inside and a moth appears to let you know there is light… But it its easier to swat it away in the intention of killing it to continue living your life the wrong way. But the disease of death in my mind, followed me 20 years and 12 states… I never thought I would see her again… Never thought I’d be in that damn teal suit again. “But I am.” She said. “Im here.” She said. And with no real intention to change but instead to escape….to run…to leave these truths at the doorstep of memories even father back… She had to rest. Make a decision. “I don’t know if any of this is worth it.” She cried. She cried and cried. It didn’t matter how far I fell or which branch I caught… I just keep falling. I can see the bottom but its like the fall will never stop and the bottom has no ending…. And I am scared…and hurt…injuries that remind me why my heart will never stop bleeding. Just one Gigantic open sore to the world. When she got in the car with him…. She knew this was all there was left…. which was nothing. She found herself in there because of how he had trained her. And she knew it. She felt it in his hug when she finally saw him. He was gone and she was gone. “Ill talk to you later?” “yes.” He said. And he never called back.