I Stand At The Door: Recent Episodes
Hayden Paul
One of the greatest battles we as Christians fight today is that against pornography. Our youth are becoming exposed at younger and younger ages. Marriages are ending in divorce and heartache. Men and women alike are becoming more and more estranged from God and the only way to freedom is to let Christ into our lives. But what is it that keeps us from letting Christ in? I believe more often than not it is shame. You have a dirty house and you want to straighten it up before you have such an important guest over. Little do you know the reason he came to your house in the first place is to clean. This podcast explores the ways we can let Christ into our lives and allow His grace to change us.
Thank you to Lia for sharing her story and bringing light to an important subject. More and more women are struggling with pornography these days and the stigma surrounding the issue is immense. Lia's testimony is incredible in this weeks episode.
If you would like to reach out to Lia you can email her at gibson.liahona@gmail.com
If you would like to share your story, please reach out to hayden@istandatthedoor.com.
Thank you Wesley for sharing your amazing story.
You can contact Wesley at:
Instagram: g_wesley_quinton
Facebook: Wesley Quinton
Email: g.wesley.quinton@gmail.com
In this episode we get special insight for what the battle against pornography looked like pre-internet and how it has morphed into what it is today.
Charlie was exposed to pornography as a young man before the internet was invented. As he matured, the growing accessibility to porn made it increasing easier to find and harder to overcome.
Charlie has learned that true recovery is found in faith in Jesus Christ. His experience has been a blessing to his boys as well who have had a struggles with porn as well.
You can contact him at charliegladwell@gmail.com
Keep up the good fight.
We are back! Tune in to hear Jade and Chandler share their story and the important insights they have learned together while working through how pornography has affected their relationship. Chandler also talks about an app he helped develop called Relay. It provides a place for accountability and community with others who also struggle with addictive behavior. You can download the app for IOS and Android.
You can contact us by emailing hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Keep up the good fight!
Geoff Steurer is a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. He is the co-author of, "Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity", the host of the podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and the creator of the "Trust Building Bootcamp" online program. He specializes in helping couples heal and rebuild trust from the impact of betrayal, including addiction, abuse, affairs, and abandonment. He maintains a private practice in beautiful Southern Utah, has been married for over 25 years, and he and his wife are the parents of four children.
Ways to connect with Geoff
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/podcasts/from-crisis-to-connection-with-geoff-steurer
www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/
www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT
http://www.fromcrisistoconnection.com
My free guide to help couples quickly end arguments: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument
Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp
Sathiya Sam is a coach and speaker that helps men live with confidence and integrity. A
recovered addict himself, Sathiya is the creator of DeepCleanTM – a research-based and
Bible-backed system for overcoming porn addiction. DeepCleanTM has helped everyone from college students to medical doctors regain control of their lives and walk in greater levels of freedom. He is married to his lovely wife Shaloma and is based out of Toronto, Canada.
Website - www.sathiyasam.com
Free Recovery Guide - www.ultimaterecoveryguide.com
The New Man Podcast - www.sathiyasam.com/podcast
Facebook - www.facebook.com/sathiyamesam
Instagram - www.instagram.com/sathiyamesam
If you would like to share your story on the podcast reach out by emailing hayden@istandatthedoor.com
We are writing a book! So we are slowing down with our podcast. Not ending it for good, just not doing it weekly. If you want to share your story or you have a subject you’d like us to address, then please email us! hayden@istandatthedoor.com
In this episode, we break down some of the awesome insights gained from Brad Wilcox's talk during the Saturday evening session of the October 2021 General Conference.
Share your story with us by emailing Hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Contact us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
How does vulnerability play a role in recovery? In order to accomplish great things, we have to be brave. And in order to be brave, we have to face uncomfortable things. We often think, “What if I fail?” and we forget the other real possibility that we might SUCCEED!
When we sin, we distance ourselves from God. But we don't have to stay distanced. God is always ready for us to return to Him. It is the adversary's voice that tells us we need to STAY distant. Sincere prayer can help us gain a true perspective on the nature of God and repentance.
Today we discuss the biblical story of Jesus and the young rich man. Christ asks each of us to give up the thing that holds us back from being like Him. Sometimes that's pride. Sometimes it's dishonesty. Sometimes it is something that was once good but must be retired to excel in the next phase of life. Our invitation to you is to ask Him what YOU need to give up in order to become the person He wants you to be.
Contact us by emailing Hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Regaining your agency through surrendering you’re agency to the great multiplier, the Savior Jesus Christ.
Nathan's story was enlightening and give great insights into what many of our youth are facing in Middle School and Highschool! Here is a little more about Nathan.
My name is Nathan Jackman, I’m from Cedar Hills, UT, and I just recently returned from serving in a mission in San Antonio, TX. I’m currently studying commercial music at UVU and I love all things music. Apart from music, I like the outdoors and helping others see their value and purpose in their life. I have a firm testimony of repentance, and I know that everyone has the power within them to make their way on the path to our Heavenly Father.
Reach out to us at Hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Savannah takes over on this episode, talking about several things that will help you navigate that FIRST conversation about porn in your relationship. The first four points are aimed at the person receiving the info, and the fifth is for the person who struggles. * I am no expert and I’m not a therapist. But these principles are things I have found to be helpful in my own experience! *
Email us with thoughts, questions, or your own personal stories at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Tyler grew up in Bullhead City, Arizona and is currently studying finance at BYU in Provo, Utah. He is the oldest sibling of 3 younger sister, loves sports, the outdoors, and spending time with his family and friends. He knows what it feels like to feel defeated and frustrated when struggling with pornography and has found particular success in his journey. He hopes to be a source of light and hope for others in their fight against pornography and shares experiences and insights from his story how he was able to learn to open up to those closest to him and access the Atonement of Jesus Christ more fully in his life.
You can reach him on Instagram (@clark_tylerc), Facebook (Tyler Clark) or through email (clark.tylerc@gmail.com)
Savannah and her dad take over this week’s episode and discuss a church leader’s perspective on pornography, confession, and repentance. Jeff Stowell has been a stake president in the Champaign, Illinois stake for almost nine years. He is a husband, a father of six, and a psychology professor.
Contact us at hayden@istandattyedoor.com
Contact us and share your story at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Bo and Hayden discuss two prominent lies that we must recognize before we can overcome porn.
1. Porn hurt you alone.
2 . You can overcome porn alone.
Love you guys and keep up the good fight!
Ashlee Ayre, your average 20 year old girl who loves music, anything outdoors and being with friends and family and who also struggled with pornography and other addictions during her teen years. She is speaking out against pornography to be a voice of hope for someone that she didn't have herself when she was struggling to reach out and get help!
You can contact Ashlee through instagram HERE
Or via email at Ashleeayre@gmail.com
I wrote this poem in Marine Corps Boot Camp.
I was deeply touched on the first Sunday as we stood at attention by our footlockers while my Drill Instructor read off the times and places of the different religious services.
I fought, to no avail, to keep the tears from streaming down my face as I contemplated the significance of that moment.
Our near peer adversary, China, is seeking to destroy diversity of thought and belief. Currently, pictures of Christ are being burned and replaced with pictures of the Chinese supreme ruler, and 350 concentration camps are filled with 1-3 million Uyghur Muslims who are being “re-educated.”
The fact that we can believe whatever we want, especially while serving in the armed forces, is not only a right, but a privilege.
I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I love the United States Constitution, and I love being a Marine.
Enjoy the poem.
BLOOD, FREEDOM, SALVATION
What good is His Gospel if it can’t be read?
What good is His word if it can’t be said?
The Bread of Life hidden by the tyrant’s hand;
Thus, a covenant people need a covenant land.
Remember, the blood of thousands established this free nation,
So that the blood of One may bring salvation.
One nation under God radiates an abundance of light,
But only the naive would say that we have finished the fight.
For the fallen star seeks to pull down the rest,
As he stirs up the hearts of armies and navies and false priests who oppress.
With the Lord on our side, the war can only be won,
Yet, we need more righteous men and women to get the job done.
Now, who has the courage to answer the call?
For it is the sacrifices of a few that bring freedom for all.
Today Savannah talked with a group of 16-17 year-old young women about pornography - specifically 1) how it can affect women and 2) how we can navigate the dating scene when porn is so prevalent. We’ve shared these concepts before, but they are key principles that we want our future daughters to know!
Thanks for being patient with us as we record this episode on Hayden’s phone late Sunday night ;)
With so many competing ideas regarding the subject of pornography, masturbation and sexuality generally, it is getting harder and harder to know what is true about the subject. In this podcast Bo and Hayden discuss the competing ideas and what the Savior teaches us about chastity and repentance.
We answer a few questions from our listeners at the end.
Please share your stories and questions by emailing us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Today we read a chapter from Adam Miller's book entitled "Letters to a Young Mormon." We talk about how our inherent sexual desires are a grace, not a punishment, and how chastity is something that must be practiced and learned through a process of repentance.
You can find a link to the book here:
https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Young-Mormon-Adam-Miller/dp/0842528563
Don't forget to leave a review and rating :)
In this episode we explore the meaning behind the word "sin" and discuss a way of viewing sin that can get rid of shame and promote repentance.
Please share your stories with us. You can reach out to us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Zach and Darcy are veterans of the struggle to end pornography in their marriage. For more than 25 years, Zach worked to end his pornography viewing and finally become the person he had been striving to be spiritually, personally, and as a husband and father. They share their journey and wisdom through their weekly podcast, The Self Mastery Podcast. More than anything their work is to help others find the hope, freedom, and love they have created and teach others to have.
You can work with Zach or Darcy by going to their website, zachspafford.com/workwithme .
Zachary Spafford
The Self Mastery Coach
zach@zachspafford.com
We had a sweet baby boy this Friday, so this episode is short. Tune in next week for an awesome guest couple Zach and Darcy Spafford
Share your stories at Hayden@istandatthedoor.com
**Chauncy Brinton is first and foremost a disciple of Christ, a husband, and a father of two beautiful boys. He is currently practicing as a clinical psychologist in the United States Army. In this episode he seeks to share what has worked for him on his own personal journey with same sex attraction and unwanted sexual behaviors. He is not speaking for the Army nor as a licensed psychologist. The way people choose to respond to sexual orientation is a very personal choice and in sharing his story he is not trying to make a statement or professional recommendation about how others should live their lives. He seeks to live his life in a way that feels authentic and congruent with his beliefs and values. Chauncy is extremely grateful to his wife for her support and encouragement to more openly share his experience.
You can contact Chauncy at chauncy.brinton@gmail.com**
On today's episode, we talk about thoughts we had during General Conference! We had a few insights related to porn recovery as we listened to the prophet and apostles this Easter weekend and wanted to share them with you. If you didn't get a chance to watch, you can click on this link: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/04?lang=eng
Shoot us an email with your thoughts (hayden@istandatthedoor.com) or leave a review and rating!
Emi Bass is a senior at BYU studying Classical Civilization. She’s from Tennessee and rock climbs too much. Emi spent the last year working to follow a prompting that has resulted in the BYU Un-Alone Club, a group for those working to overcome pornography — and those that support them — to have a place for shame-free connection and helpful resources.
We discuss some of the common misconceptions surrounding pornography and what we can do as a culture to create an environment where repentance is encouraged and healing is found.
Follow Emi's page - https://instagram.com/un.alone.byu?igshid=16y6ndp5k1ceu
We want to share your stories! Please email us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com. Thank you for listening!
This week, we talk about the principle of accountability and how important it is to be accountable to someone else throughout your recovery. There are different levels of accountability. For example, we want to be accountable to the Lord every minute, every hour, every day. He is our ultimate source of strength and help. It's also helpful to be accountable to another person every day. Knowing you are going to update someone daily on your progress can be a motivator to do your best.
There's also the level of accountability within your close relationships. This includes relationships between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or even parent and child. We invite you to prayerfully decide what works best for you within your relationships, but it may be helpful to spread out your talks about pornography with these individuals so that the relationship doesn't completely become focused on that issue.
Over the last few months, we've had several opportunities to speak to large groups of people and share our stories. This weekend, we were happy to speak at a youth fireside in Las Vegas, where Savannah served her mission. Since we were out of town, we didn't record a unique podcast for this week, but we did record the fireside and have posted it here for anyone who would like to listen.
In this fireside, we talk about the unique challenge of pornography. We emphasize the importance of creating a culture of repentance instead of a culture of shame. We invite everyone to evaluate the culture surrounding repentance in their homes, and we also invite anyone struggling with pornography use to bring the problem to light sooner rather than later.
Special thanks to President Travis Brady for allowing us to include his comments at the end.
Andrew Young, my childhood friend and author of “The Meaning of Your Mission” (amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Missio…ples/dp/1462138063/), joins us on the podcast to share his experience with pornography.
In today's episode, we discuss the deeper issues that can undergird the problem of pornography. Anxiety and depression, although not always the root cause, can act as an obstacle to overcoming this issue.
We talk about important issues regarding mental health and the stigmas that surround both this subject and the subject of porn. Andrew shares his experience with therapy and using Christ's Atonement to move forward despite his difficulties.
We are grateful to Andrew for being on the podcast and for all the great work he is doing to help others draw closer to the Savior. Please follow Andrew to receive daily spiritual messages and insights on FB www.facebook.com/mrdrewyoung1 and IG @mrdrewbyoung
Share your stories with us by sending an email to hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Share your story with us by emailing hayden@istandatthedoor.com
TJ struggled with pornography from a young age and for many years kept it to himself. Throughout his high school days, TJ found himself straying further and further from the teachings of Jesus Christ. It wasn’t until he went on his mission that he discovered the peace that comes from repentance and the joy of helping others repent.
TJ is a force for good and does his best to use social media to inspire others to change. TJ teaches seminary and feels that his mission in life is to inspire the youth and help them see the beauty of the gospel.
You can find TJ on Instagram @tjfaamausili
On Facebook as TJ Faamausili
Tune into his podcast, “Dear Younger Me”
In this episode, Hayden and Bo dive deep into the subject of repentance. Sometimes we can look at repentance as a checklist, but in reality, it is an opportunity for change that must be undergirded with sincerity.
Starting at 53:23 Bo answers questions about what parents can do to support their children in the fight against pornography. He talks about boundaries and the roles that parents must play in their recovery.
Then at 1:14:05 Bo and Hayden address the struggles that women have with porn. This is not a gender-specific problem and in many ways, the shame that surrounds porn is even greater when it comes to women.
Thank you for listening. Please reach out to us at Hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Keep up the good fight!
Hayden shares his full story from struggle to triumph.
We want to hear your stories! If you are interested in sharing please reach out to us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
When you have an open wound, it's important to take the necessary steps to prevent infection. For example, antibiotics are often necessary, as well as wound cleanings and sterile dressings. But you also have to give the wound enough time to heal. You cannot make the healing process go any faster than it needs to. Taking these steps will allow the wound to heal completely, avoiding infection that could make the problem much worse than it was at the beginning.
The same goes for spiritual healing. While it's important to take all the necessary steps to ensure you are making progress, you also have to give yourself enough time to see a change.
- If you'd like to contact us with questions, success stories, or topic requests, shoot us an email at hayden@istandatthedoor.com *
In 2 Nephi 2, we learn that God gave us the ability to choose between good and evil. One goal we have in this life is to learn how to let our spirits rule over our natural bodies and desires. When we take responsibility for our actions, it enables us to make changes in the future. When we "load up our cart" with the burden of our sins and then yoke ourselves to the Savior, He helps us make forward movement.
In 2 Nephi 32:9, we learn that the Lord will consecrate our actions when we pray. We apply this to the fight against pornography in this episode. We talk about how we need to be a team with the Lord - not expecting Him to do all the work, but recognizing that we cannot do it on our own.
Today, we reiterate the importance of overcoming shame. Guilt helps us want to change, but shame hinders progression. We talk about how making repentance an attitude instead of an event helps us make progress. In Moroni 6:8, we learn that we are forgiven every time we sincerely repent. We can have that mindset toward ourselves and find hope and healing every time we choose to make a change.
Send in your success/breakthrough stories to hayden@istandatthedoor.com
CLICK HERE<<<< to watch our indexing tutorial!
Today we talk about the importance of daily communication with God. There are many aspects of recovery, but this one is a must. Receiving personal revelation will get you on the track that will work best for you and your individual struggles.
We talk about how setting and keeping daily rituals will keep you from straying too far from the path of recovery during times of hardship and relapse. Incremental improvement yields exponential results.
Hayden also shares how indexing helped him overcome pornography use and why using the internet against Satan is so effective.
If you have any questions or subjects you'd like us to cover, email us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
This week, couples therapist Sam Tielemans shares his insights on how to handle the problem of pornography in a relationship. We talk about communication, betrayal trauma, empathy, and boundaries. We hope that this podcast can bring hope to the spouses and loved ones who feel hopeless and tired.
If you have questions or feedback for us, please send us an email at hayden@istandatthedoor.com.
Today we are talking about a military tactic that can help you strategize in your fight against pornography. When fighting an enemy, it is important to address immediate threats AND long-term dangers simultaneously. That way, you can keep the enemy's head down while making forward movement. We relate this to fighting pornography and give examples of short-term things you can do to block immediate threats as well as actions that can help you address deeper problems.
Hayden shares a lesson he learned from his struggle with pornography. When we turn to the Savior, He can take our weaknesses and turn them into strengths. In this episode, we discuss the first miracle Jesus performed in His mortal ministry - turning water to wine - and relate it to our own sins.
Bo is back! This week, we address several questions we've received from our listeners with our friend Bo, who is a clinical therapist. We cover the topic of divorce and the importance of receiving personal revelation from God when making decisions in your marriage or relationship. God knows the heart of your loved ones and can give the best counsel and direction.
We talk about the role that pride plays in pornography use and how Satan uses pride in different ways to pull us away from God. Finally, we address problems in dating and discuss how healthy relationships can help in your healing process.
Thanks for listening. Feel free to write to us with your questions at hayden@istandatthedoor.com and make sure to leave a rating and review!
“Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven” (LDS hymn #27). When you make sacrifices to aid in your recovery, you are showing yourself and the Lord that you’re serious about this. Sacrifice shows faith and brings resilience and strength.
Hayden shares more of his experience overcoming pornography and specifically points out the sacrifices he made that helped him quit. These sacrifices included changing the music he listened to, finding another job to pay for weekly therapy, fasting once a week, and deleting some social media accounts.
This episode is meant to help you think of sacrifices you can make that will help you overcome the natural man. We invite you to pray and ask God what you need to give up. Your recovery will look different than others’, and it’s important to stick with the Lord and follow His guidance. He will help you!
As always, shoot us an email at hayden@istandattthedoor with any questions or topics you’d like us to cover. Please leave a rating and review so we can help our audience grow and help those who need it. Thanks for listening!
Send questions and requests to hayden@istandatthedoor.com :)
Today we're talking about the power you have to bring other people to Christ - even if you're not yet where you want to be yourself. The steps you have taken to change for the better are steps you can testify of and share with others.
For those who don't struggle with pornography, what message are you sending when those you love come to you about their problems? Are you enforcing a culture of shame, or cultivating a desire to continue repenting - with your love and support?
If you have a question or topic you'd like us to address in our podcast, send an email to hayden@istandatthedoor.com and we will cover it!
In this episode, Savannah takes the reins and talks about her perspective on pornography issues. Hayden told Savannah early on in their relationship that porn had been something he struggled with in the past. During their engagement, Hayden had a relapse and told her about it that night.
Savannah shares her side of the story, including how she immediately said a prayer to receive comfort and guidance from God. We discuss the importance of personal revelation when it comes to pornography because each person and couple has a unique experience and needs specific direction.
While pornography affects both men and women, we talk specifically about the mindset many women have upon finding out their boyfriend or husband looked at pornography: feeling like it is somehow their fault. Often, women feel that they aren't attractive or sexy enough and believe that is the reason their significant other had a relapse. This simply isn't true. We also discuss the difference between porn and healthy sexual intimacy in a marriage.
Please remember that if you struggle with pornography, you do not have to wait until you are "perfect" or clean to allow yourself to have a romantic relationship. Love is not something that you only deserve after you've gone a certain amount of time without a setback. Remember, relationships take communication, trust, honesty, and patience, and imperfect people work together all the time to strengthen their love for one another.
In this week's episode, our friend Bo Buchi, a licensed clinical mental health counselor, joins us to talk about the psychological and spiritual side effects of pornography. We dig a little deeper into what porn is and why it's so addictive. We discuss how when battling porn, we also need to battle underlying conditions such as pride. Each individual has a different path toward recovery. It's important to follow the direction of the Savior and figure out the path that will lead to complete healing.
We also address a couple of questions we've received from listeners. Start listening at (59:00) to hear about cutting the cycle of responding to triggers and how to get more out of group recovery programs.
Try to imagine who you will become once you have fought to overcome this trial. Try to keep that image in your mind during times of discouragement. I believe in you, Savannah believes in you, and most importantly, the Savior believes in you! Don't forget to leave a review and subscribe! Love you guys!
If you have a question or subject you'd like us to address, email us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com and we'll add it to our list! On next week's podcast, our therapist friend will join and help us answer specific questions that we've received from listeners.
Whether you are just trying to implement a good habit in your life or your struggling in the fight against pornography, it can be easy to get discouraged by repeated mistakes. In this episode, we talk about ways that we can stay resilient and persistent in the fight. We give scriptural examples such as Peter, Alma the Younger, and Judas to describe the importance of getting back up again each time we have a moment of weakness. We focus on the cycle of progression that allows us to become more like the Savior.
Thank you for listening and don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share!
In this episode, we discuss the nature of pornography and how unique it is to our generation. Satan’s weapons are getting more specific and powerful. It’s easier to access pornography today than it ever has been in the past. How do we combat his strategies and strengthen ourselves?
We have the biggest, strongest, most powerful weapon at our disposal - the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It’s guaranteed to win. When we keep an open line of communication with the Savior, we invite His help and strength into our recovery. We put ourselves at the side of the Savior and join the army against sin.
If you have any questions or subjects that you would like to discuss on this podcast you can reach us at hayden@istandatthedoor.com
Please Subscribe, Share and leave a review!
In this episode, we discuss ways to overcome shame and allow the Savior into our lives. Based on Revelations 3:20, we share a short fictional story that depicts someone deciding whether or not to let the Savior into their house despite the mess. In our experience with pornography, it is shame that acts as a catalyst to the already destructive nature of porn. It is when we seek to hide our sins that Satan prevails and we find ourselves stuck. We share a few insights on the nature of confession and why it is so freeing and necessary in the repentance process. And finally, we invite all to come unto Christ and be healed. Please tune in next week as we further expand the principles that lead to freedom from sin and mark a path to true happiness.