GilandBrenda: Recent Episodes
Gil and Brenda Stuart
In order to be fulfilled in our lives and relationships, we must be willing to invest in those things that matter most to us. Many people invest years of their lives in school and training in order to practice their chosen career, knowing that in the end, it will be worth it. Your marriage is the most important asset you have. It’s all about strengthening the legacy of your family. It would be an honor to go on this journey with you. As a Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife team we share vulnerably with simple truths and lots of laughter.
The motivation for this topic comes from Gil and Brenda’s clients. Many of them feel stuck in life like they feel like they have no options or choices. The Stuarts break down the differences between options and choices, which leads to actions. And that can change your life! Listen for the action steps at the end and then apply them. Contact Gil and Brenda and let them know how the choices you have made have positively impacted your life! hello@gilandbrenda.com
Have you ever wondered what your child is thinking? How can I "get in their head" (especially teenagers!)?
Join Gil and Brenda as they introduce a concept that helped them through those years...called Floor Time.
Having a safe place to talk for you AND your kids is so important now-a-days. The parents set the tone for Floor Time (which Gil and Brenda will give you pointers) so that the experience is fruitful. This is not a time for judgment or disagreements. It's all about being curious.
They will share 7 tips to help you navigate Floor Time so it will be a success for everyone involved!
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
parenting #parent #parentingpodcast #talkingwithteenagers #talkingwithkids
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
Wonderful interview with Laura Jenkins, founder of In The Blend. She is encouraging stepfamilies who live in Australia...and beyond!
We never know where the conversation will go! We always know we'll have fun!
Check out more podcasts from Laura at https://omny.fm/shows/in-the-blend
Here are her show notes:
Gil and Brenda, a husband and wife duo, share their journey into counseling and coaching for blended families, discussing their personal experiences and the challenges they've faced. They emphasize the importance of the couple relationship and provide insights into the differences in parenting styles and communication within blended families. They also discuss the upcoming Better Marriages Australia Conference and the key themes they address in their presentations.
gilandbrenda #restoredandremarried #intheblend #laurajenkins #stepfamily #stepmom #stepmum #stepdad #stepfamilyaustralia #stepfather #blendedfamily #bonuskids #bonusmom #bonusmum #bonusdad
This is an interview Gil had with Mike Anderson from Blended Family Breakthrough.
We hope you feel a little more equipped and encouraged after listening to this great conversation.
Here are the notes from Mike's podcast:
Hey Stepdads — ever wonder if you're "winning or losing" in your role at home?
Most stepdads I meet genuinely want to build trust with their stepkids and influence them toward success in life. But sometimes it feels like there's a bit too much chaos in the home — or you're not quite on the same page with your wife.
The typical challenges of blending families often feel like they get in the way of you making the impact you really want to make.
I get that feeling, and so does Gil Stuart, our guest for this episode. Gil is a dad and stepdad who has experienced the ups and downs of blending 7 kids along with his wife, Brenda. Gil is a counselor, author, speaker, and down-to-earth guy.
If you want to discover new ways to build trust and influence in your home, this episode is for you.
You'll Discover:
- A healthy mindset around commitment, influence, trustability, and connection
- How to create emotional safety and avoid relational damage
- Understanding the 'Rock-and-A-Hard-Place' dilemma - and navigating it well
- The importance of unity and flexibility
- Practical tips for loving well in challenging situations
restoredandremarried #gilandbrenda #blendedfamilybreakthrough #stepdad #stepdads #stepfather #stepfathers #stepmom #stepfamily #blendedfamily
Blended family life doesn't often start with every relationship in harmony. But it's not unusual to develop it along the way. Ron Deal speaks with Gil and Brenda Stuart about how disappointment and confusion eventually morphed into redemption and joy. Celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary with a vow renewal was an amazing experience. Another way to celebrate our family!
tipstoolstingles #gilandbrenda
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
Brenda, and two other Stepmoms were interviewed by Mike and Kim Anderson from MikeandKimCoaching.com. This interview brings 3 perspectives of being a stepmom, but yet there is one common thread. Being a woman in a stepfamily can be a hard road. Whether you join with kids or not, having realistic expectations are part of having a successful formula to help you thrive in your stepfamily.
With Tiffany, Stacy and Brenda, you will hear some raw experiences from their own lives and what worked…and what didn’t. We hope you are encouraged.
Brenda is now taking new coaching clients. She specializes in working with women and helping them reach their potential. Whether it’s stepfamily challenges, family concerns or just life circumstances she can help you navigate these seasons with thought provoking questions, and compassion. She’ll make you stop and think and realize you had the answer to what you needed all along. Contact her today at hello@gilandbrenda.com.
RestoredandRemarried #gilandbrenda #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #blendedfamily
stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #remarriagecoaching #remarriedcoaching #remarriedcounseling #remarriedcounseling #blendedfamilycoaching #blendedfamilycounseling #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild
mikeandkimcoaching
RestoredandRemarried #Stepmomcoach #coachingwomen #remarriagecoach #stepmom
stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #gilandbrenda #momhelp
coachingwomen #coachingmoms #coachingwives #coachingwomanentepreuners #womenbusinessowner #womanpotential #momhelp #gilandbrenda #stepmom #happywife #happywives
Encouragement for Dads in a Stepfamily! Gil was interviewed by Ron Deal, from Family Life Blended. This was a great conversation about how important the Dad is in the stepfamily…and how it can be challenging. Gil doesn’t pull any punches and is pretty raw and honest with Ron. This 8-part video series, filmed on location brings the realities of what it means to be a Stepdad. Topics include: “You’re Not My Dad,” “Between a Rock and a Hard Place” (that would be between your wife and your kids) “Too Much too soon,” “Emotional Safety” (guns are involved), “Reverse Betrayal” (when you feel guilty that you are bonding more with your stepkids rather than your own), “allow Kids to Love,” (don’t put them the middle), and of course the intro. You can purchase this video series on the StepfamilyNetwork.com website for $48 or $5 once a month. You’ll receive free videos from Gil to encourage you along your journey too! Check out more about UnSung Hereos on our site GilandBrenda.com
There are 2 things that we share intimately with our spouse: Sex and Money.
With financial intimacy, it’s not about the money. Gil and Brenda dive into the deep end on this issue. It’s about experiences, and what it means to you. It’s important that you talk about this with your spouse so you both have a realistic view of how money is “felt” in your family. Even if you’ve been married a while, it’s always good to check in with each other, especially as you enter a new season. A realistic conversation about spending habits can be hard. Have it be a heart conversation. Get on the same page so you are working together for your goals. Best question to ask as you make financial decisions: What’s best for “us?”
Action Steps 1. Have a conversation about these 4 areas and what money means to you. How would you rate these? Security Leisure/enjoyment Control/Influence Status/Alignment 2. Meet with a financial advisor 3. Check out Dave Ramsey materials 4. Smart StepFamily Guide to Financial Planning 5. Email us for the Prepare Enrich Financial worksheet (6 pages)
Can you keep up with your inner voice? How often is it positive? How often is it negative? Is it toward yourself or whoever you are talking with? Gil and Brenda have a lively conversation… (maybe their inner voices are the ones that are speaking!) about this age-old challenge.
How often are we so caught up in listening to our inner voice, we totally miss the person right in front of us? We are all guilty of that at some level. And that will affect our relationships. Between neuro pathways in your brain, our ability to get sucked into the inner voice, and the lack of self-regulation…well that is a recipe for disaster!
Today’s conversation will bring you insight and awareness of what’s really going on, and how you can improve your self-talk.
Action steps:
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Be aware of your inner voice. Slow Down. Ask yourself out loud, is this true of myself? Is this true of the other person? The key is to PAUSE
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Take a risk. At that moment when you are aware of your inner voice, be vulnerable and share it with whoever you’re talking with. Let them know…here’s what’s going on in my head. My emotions could run away with that. But although I am feeling this way, my judgment may be incorrect it’s not honoring to you. This is a step of being an advocate to you and our relationship, to listen and not stay in my head. But go to YOUR heart and hear your emotions, feelings, and perspective without judgment.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
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S2 Episode 20 MARRIAGE Self Talk; What is Your Inner Voice Saying?
Can you keep up with your inner voice? How often is it positive? How often is it negative? Is it toward yourself or whoever you are talking with? Gil and Brenda have a lively conversation… (maybe their inner voices are the ones that are speaking!) about this age-old challenge. How often are we so caught up in listening to our inner voice, we totally miss the person right in front of us? We are all guilty of this at some level. And that will affect our relationships. Between neuro pathways in your brain, our ability to get sucked into the inner voice, and the lack of self-regulation…well that is a recipe for disaster!
Today’s conversation will bring you insight and awareness of what’s really going on, and how you can improve your self-talk.
Action steps: 1. Be aware of your inner voice. Slow Down. Ask yourself out loud, is this true of myself? Is this true of the other person? The key is to PAUSE 2. Take a risk. At that moment when you are aware of your inner voice, be vulnerable and share it with whoever you’re talking with. Let them know… "Here’s what’s going on in my head. My emotions could run away with that. But although I am feeling this way, my judgment may be incorrect it’s not honoring to you. This is a step of being an advocate to you and our relationship, to listen and not stay in my head. But go to YOUR heart and hear your emotions, feelings, and perspective without judgment."
Unsung Heroes is encouragement for Dads in a Stepfamily. Although, ALL dads will benefit from this 8 episode video series. Gil shares why and how he created this resource for men
A sure-fire way to murder your marriage and bury your relationship...find out how to avoid this!
Drift and Apathy can wreak havoc in a relationship.
How you watch TV may directly impact this! Gil and Brenda share 12 ways (you can come up with more) how couples can have “touchpoints” in their relationship. It’s in the things that we do every day. We miss the opportunity to connect…which launches us right toward the killers in marriage. Believe it or not, even sharing a laugh can be a touchpoint…a connection. It’s in the sinews (the little touchpoints) that muscles (your marriage) get stronger. We don’t need to make this more complicated!
It’s the little things that make a marriage and it’s the little things that destroy it.
ACTION STEPS:
-
Listen to this podcast together.
-
Which ideas did you resonate with?
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What kind of touchpoints could you add?
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Be intentional and do them!
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
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Gil and Brenda share a concept they have been sharing in their presentations for years. “Rocks in the Bucket” helps give your kids a voice. When done correctly, you empower your children to tell you the truth of how they are feeling. The system is built on you honoring them as they try to honor you with something hard to say. It’s a win/win.
We all carry around an invisible bucket; it represents our well being. Family members, friends, coworkers can all put rocks in our buckets….and we can put rocks in their buckets! This is an easy way to share this with someone when rocks start flying!
ACTION STEPS:
-
Find a metal bucket and 3 rocks.
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Demonstrate (as we did) how this works.
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Ask them what they think? Talk about examples where they have felt rocks in their bucket.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
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This is part 2 of an interview with Gil Stuart. There isn’t a lot of information for stepdads out there. The content of this interview has been on Gil’s heart for over 18 years. As Brenda interviews Gil, listen in as 6 top questions are asked…3 in part 1 and the remaining 3 in part 2.
-
What is a relational safety zone?
-
It’s ok to love your mom.
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A rock and a hard spot; You between your wife and your kids.
Although this conversation is directed to stepdads, their wives will benefit from this too. Gil shares feelings and thoughts that many men wish they could tell their wives.
ACTION STEPS:
Guys: Have an honest conversation with your wife about these topics. Which do you resonate with more…and why?
Gals: Be quiet and listen. Do not interrupt… and listen. Do not be judgmental. Be loving. You are holding your husband’s heart. Be gentle. Put on the glasses of curiosity.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
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There isn’t a lot of information for stepdads out there. The content of this interview has been on Gil’s heart for over 18 years. As Brenda interviews Gil, listen in as 6 top questions are asked…3 are in this Part 1.
-
How to contend with the infamous “you’re not my dad!”
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What is reverse betrayal?
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Stepdads who demand too much too soon.
Although this conversation is directed to stepdads, their wives will benefit from this too. Gil shares feelings and thoughts that many men wish they could tell their wives.
ACTION STEPS:
Guys: Have an honest conversation with your wife about these topics. Which do you resonate with…and why?
Gals: Be quiet and listen. Do not interrupt… and listen. Do not be judgmental. Be loving. You are holding your husband’s heart. Be gentle. Put on the glasses of curiosity.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
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A heart with a hard husk views the world with a negative sentiment. Gil and Brenda talk about breaking down the husk and how it affects our relationships: marriage, friends, coworkers, etc.
Positive or Negative: What lens do we look at our spouse through? If it’s been negative, how do we change it? How does that soften our own heart when we do that? Be aware. Be intentional.
What do you think? We’d like to hear from you! hello@gilandbrenda.com
Action Steps:
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Look for ways your spouse/friend/whoever does or says something positive
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When having a bad day, ask them for a word of encouragement (put pride a side)
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Reciprocate and exchange encouraging words/acts.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
#conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
This is the fourth podcast in a series of 4. Topics in the series: Identity, Connection, Trust and Vulnerability. Each build on each other yet they stand alone too! May your relationship be challenged, and love and growth happen as you are encouraged!
“Being vulnerable in a relationship means allowing your partner to know you fully: your thoughts, feelings, challenges, weaknesses. It can be scary to show those sides to our partners out of fear of being judged." ... "This is how true intimacy is achieved. We are known, accepted, supported and loved.”
This is an important topic for Gil and Brenda. Although vulnerability often is interpreted as being weak, quite the opposite is true. It takes courage to be vulnerable. Couples who are vulnerable have a deeper level of intimacy and have a feeling of peace, confidence and safety in their relationship. Learn some new ways to be vulnerable in your relationship!
Action steps
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If you got burned by being vulnerable, what would it take to try again?
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By sharing your thoughts, feelings, challenges, and weaknesses how will that strengthen your relationship?
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If vulnerability takes courage, what is one simple step you can take to me courageous for the sake of your relationship?
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
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This is the third podcast in a series of 4. Topics in the series: Identity, Connection, Trust and Vulnerability. Each build on each other yet they stand alone too! May your relationship be challenged, and love and growth happen as you are encouraged!
Because of your family of origin, past relationships, or just life, your level of trust can be deflated. Violation of trust can lead to pain and confusion. Gil and Brenda talk about the importance of trust in a relationship. If damaged, how do you repair it? What are the two outcomes of trustworthiness? Couples who have high trust in their relationship can make choices, are valued and feel loved.
Action Steps
1.How can you create a high trust environment in your relationship?
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Ask for what you want (without demanding) being assertive and humble.
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If trust has been violated have a conversation about the roots of that violation. Is the past affecting the present? Gently ask, why they don’t feel safe.
(put on the glasses of curiosity, not judgement, blame or defense…listen!)
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
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This is the second podcast in a series of 4. Topics in the series: Identity, Connection, Trust and Vulnerability. Each build on each other yet they stand alone too! May your relationship be challenged, and love and growth happen as you are encouraged!
Connection vs Disconnection. This happens all the time in our relationships. Sometimes we don’t even notice. We all want connection but how do we get it? Gil and Brenda share the depths of what dis-connection looks like and what a couple does when they are experiencing connection. Being approachable, available and accessible is the foundation of a good connection. Get ready to use your hands as Gil demonstrates this subject in a way you’ll never forget!
Action steps:
-
Make a list: How do you feel when you are disconnected from your spouse?
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Make a list: How do you feel when you are connected with your spouse?
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Have this conversation with your spouse: (reminder: put on the glasses of curiosity. Do not go into judgement, blame or shame. You are honestly
asking so you BOTH can improve your relationship!)
How can I be more connected, what do I need to change/adjust?
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
Twitter Instagram Facebook YouTube
This is the first podcast in a series of 4. Topics in the series: Identity, Connection, Trust and Vulnerability. Each build on each other yet they stand alone too! May your relationship be challenged, and love and growth happen as you are encouraged!
Two questions everyone asks in a marriage/relationship: Do I belong? Am I loved? Wow, deep questions. Gil and Brenda tackle these with specific ways to find the answers for yourself! It starts with you! How can you expect your spouse to meet your needs in these areas if you’re not sure of them yourself? This will be a great conversation for you to have together to deepen your relationship. Put your glasses of curiosity on (not judgement/defensiveness or blaming) and watch what happens!
Resources mentioned:
www.flagpage.com
www.5lovelanguages.com
As always, there are action steps for you to take:
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Do a checklist for yourself. What do you need to know that you belong and are loved?
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Share it with your spouse
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Affirm and acknowledge each other’s good points, especially when they make an effort to show you what you need!
Gil and Brenda Stuart are a Husband/ Wife team who are Marriage Illustrators. As a Counselor and Coach they work with couples from all over the world!
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #conflictresolution
marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp #friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
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Are you looking for support for the unique dynamics and challenges that stepfamily life brings? Have you wondered where you can go to get help? Then this episode is for you! Ron Deal talks with Gil and Brenda on how to find a church that will support you as a stepcouple, how to know if you need counseling and where to go, and what to do if not everyone is willing to go. It might be as simple as attending a small group at your church with other couples on a similar journey. But you must commit to go! Listen in as Ron talks with Gil and Brenda about the value of finding the right support for your stepfamily and your part in making it happen.
· Learn more and register for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. https://www.summitonstepfamilies.com/
· How to Find a Competent Christian Stepfamily Therapist. https://www.smartstepfamilies.com/smart-help/learn/sharing-hope-finding-help/how-to-find-a-competent-christian-stepfamily-therapist
· Trusted Counselor List https://smartstepfamilies.com/smart-help/marriage-therapy-intensives
· Encouragement for the couples in a stepfamily. https://gilandbrenda.com/restored-remarried/
· Building Love Together in Blended Families by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ron Deal. https://shop.familylife.com/p-5763-building-love-together-in-blended-families.aspx
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles
conflictresolution #gilandbrenda #marriagehelp #marriage #investinyourmarriage #remarriagehelp
friendshipinmarriage #marriagecounselor #marriagecoach #husbandandwifeteam #RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast
www.gilandbrenda.com
hello@gilandbrenda.com
Find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube
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S2 Episode 7 STEPFAMILY Interview Craig & Gina Morgan, Blended Together
Another powerful conversation about how to strengthen and protect your marriage and stepfamily. Gil and Brenda interview Craig & Gina Morgan with Blended Together. Married 24 years, they are out of the Dallas, TX area, and share an excerpt from their latest resource, Building Blocks for Making the Family Whole Again. Referencing the wall that Nehemiah built, brings rich nuggets of how we are rebuilding our family. Prayer, time, and having others to help is so important because the opposition will come! Part of the conversation is about how men and women have shared experiences can reveal underlying hurts in a stepfamily. It’s just always nice to hear like-minded people having a raw conversation and encouraging each other! Enjoy!
Action Steps:
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If your wall is to protect your marriage, what shape is it in?
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How can you strengthen it?
-
Gil and Brenda have referenced the wall, representing your great marriage. You may have heard this before, but this is a great time to check in with each other again. (Season 1 Episode 1 The Wall podcast)
· Identify what comes against our wall (from the attacks coming from the outside: ex’s, kids, finances, stepkids)
· How are we striving for a great marriage? (not just a good marriage)
· This is what I can do to invest more in our marriage ________.
· What is our vision for our marriage and family? Where are we going?
Craig & Gina Morgan
Blended Together
craig@blendedtogether.org
gina@blendedtogether.org
972-589-5275
Facebook Blended Together Forever
Instagram Blended Together Forever
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
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Most people think that when they get married, they won’t be lonely again. Feeling lonely and isolated in a marriage is becoming more common than you may realize. Gil and Brenda have talked with several people that are feeling this way. Do you know someone who is lonely in their marriage? Is it you?
Loneliness affects not only our mental health but our physical health too. It depresses our immune system and increases inflammatory responses. We are at risk for depression and anxiety and distorted perceptions of life.
The realities of being lonely in a marriage can be very heavy and sometimes dark. Gil and Brenda will define this journey and as always, offer ways to find hope again.
Resource: LOVE MAPS
Reference: Drift Happens Season 1 Episode 47
Action Steps:
- Take the initiative.
a. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is too.
b. Do you know their Love Languages? Sometimes just reaching out and touching their hand speaks volumes (if their Love Language is physical Touch.)
c. Try to initiate conversations that are not about transactional details. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure to demonstrate that you are listening.
Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change, but after a few gestures of goodwill, they will likely return the favor.
- Create shared experiences.
If your spouse is in the other room watching their favorite show, sit next to them (at the start of the show) and say, “You love this show so much I want to give it a try.” They may be confused, suspicious, or both, but just be sincere and try to see the show through their eyes, even if it’s not your thing. After the show, tell them what you appreciated about it – even if it was terrible, find something! That is connection.
- Practice taking their perspective.
· Don’t commit “assumicide” (don’t assume!)
· Practice empathy
· Perspective taking will build intimacy and increase connection.
The steps of building intimacy are:
- Genuinely seek to know one another
- To reveal (which is risky) that what was shared and is important to you. If you don’t show you don’t care, that will destroy connection.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
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What can those couples who are in Law Enforcement and First Responders do to protect their marriage and family? What can we (those of us who are not in those fields) do to support them? Gil and Brenda interview a couple, who have been living this journey for over 20 years, 10 of those years on a SWAT team. Gabe and Stacey are very candid about the hardships and realities and the toll it can take on a marriage. They share practical advice to help strengthen a marriage and family who is affected by these professions.
A few takeaways:
To those who are First Responders & in Law Enforcement:
-
Work to understand and educate yourself on the job. Be aware of the biological impacts that affect both physiological and social health – these will indeed impact your family as well.
-
Each person should work to define themselves individually and define their family-outside of the “first responder” identity. Your work should not be your identity.
-
Cultivate friendships outside of the workplace.
-
Faith and family must come before work and hobbies.
-
Surround yourself with pro-marriage and pro-family activities/thoughts
To those who are not in this profession:
1.Make an effort to really reach out to these marriages/families
-
Be flexible with scheduling with activities
-
Include them in normal, fun activities
-
Pray for them!
Book Resource: Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement by Kevin M. Gilmartin, Ph.D
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
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Why do some couples hesitate to invest in their marriage? Without sugar coating anything, Gil and Brenda explore several possibilities…and their remedies. Sometimes the busyness of life intrudes on the investments that need to be made in our marriage. And sometimes it’s just easier to hide behind the busyness instead of talking about what’s really going on.
Remember, life’s too short to just have a good marriage…you want a great one. Have a conversation about the differences between a good and a great marriage. You might be surprised how much you are both on the same page!
The goal: a high ROI (Return On Investment) in your marriage!
Resource: Stress Reducing Conversations
Action Steps:
Have a Conversation
-
What’s one thing we can do that would be a positive investment in our marriage?
-
Find 1 resource (book, podcast or seminar) you could do together.
-
Start having a standing meeting about feelings, not just logistics.
BONUS: Find thing you can laugh about! It’s good for the soul.
Counselor/Coach, Husband/Wife Team, Marriage Illustrators and Encouragers
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Even in the best relationships, conflict is going to happen. Is conflict good or bad? Conflict is good, as long as you do it right! Yet, how do you control the damage that can come with conflict? Gil and Brenda go over a few points from the Gottman Repair Checklist. Here are some real “how” to’s” to reduce the damage that can happen when conflict comes about. You can even pass this info on to your kids!
Action Steps:
- How can we limit damage control?
Have this conversation BEFORE any conflict happens. When you are in a good place, you can (hopefully) logically share with your
spouse/partner what you need when things get tense. How can we both support each other without escalating the conflict?
- Slow down!
Admit where you are emotionally (I need to take a break, I need to regroup, I’m feeling flooded)
- Show appreciate.
Boy, this can go a long way! Don’t hold back thanking your spouse/partner for even making an attempt to repair. Chances are, if you notice this and say something you both will extend appreciation and grace more often.
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So many times, there is an underlying pain that we carry that affects our relationships. It can be from family of origin, past relationships…or even the present. Gil and Brenda talk about a new way to look at pain. Not so much as an enemy but as a teacher. By using the acronym PAIN, you’ll gain a new “Perspective”, hopefully not be “Apathetic,” learn how to “Validate” and “Negotiate” through the pain. You will see how to flip the pain into peace in your relationship. Remember, your partner/spouse IS NOT the enemy!
Action Steps:
- Quiet Yourself
Ask yourself, where is the pain coming from? (family of origin, past relationships, the present relationship, distorted thinking (i.e. I can’t /won’t be loved, or I can’t trust any one and/or believing a lie)
- How can I gently move toward the flip side?
Maybe having your spouse listen to this podcast you can be on the same page. Extend understanding and grace.
- Find a mentor couple, counselor or coach to help you sift through the pain and find resolution. This could be individually or together with your
spouse.
Peanut Butter reference is on a video we did on our site called Anger and Peanut Butter https://gilandbrenda.com/relationship-marriage-videos/
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Contact us at hello@gilandbrenda.com
We offer counseling and coaching services. Check out our website for more free Podcasts and videos to encourage/equip your relationship!
While speaking on the Love Like You Mean It Cruise, Gil and Brenda were able to catch an interview with Family Life Blended Director, Ron Deal and author of the Five Love Languages, Dr, Gary Chapman. They just wrote a new book, Building Love Together in Blended Families that is a game changer for stepfamilies. ALL marriages/relationships will benefit from listening in.
It takes two people to want to connect and learn to love each other. But in a stepfamily, what if a stepchild doesn’t want that? How do you adjust the love language of your stepchild? How real are your expectation with your stepchild?
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/book/building-love-together-in-blended-families/
take the free quiz for couples, children, teens and singles at the above link
Twitter @DrGaryChapman
Face Book https://www.facebook.com/5lovelanguages/
https://www.smartstepfamilies.com/
Twitter @RonLDeal
Face Book for Ron
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A recent trip to a cell phone store prompted a discussion about Customer Service (CS). Our experience wasn’t that great, but it got us thinking about the CS in our relationships….is it good or bad?
What is the responsibility of the store and the customer? In our relationships, do we as customers pay on time? Do we ask for what we want? Do we let the company know if there is competition? As a company, how is our follow-through? Do we offer loyal, consistent service? Do we offer points? (ahh yes, it’s ALL about the points!)
We’d love to hear any thoughts you have on this!
Action Steps:
Ask for Customer (your spouse) feedback on the service they are receiving.
- Do you feel heard?
If no: “Tell me what you need.”
- When the customer (spouse) has a request (emotional or a task) is the follow-through thorough?
Yes/No: How can I improve?
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Ready to gather some gold nuggets to help your parenting in a stepfamily? Gil and Brenda interview Joel Hawbaker, a High School teacher, someone who lived in a stepfamily and is now in one. Joel offers some fresh perspective that can bring lively conversations to your marriage. After listening to this podcast, here are a few questions to discuss:
-
Are you acting like the adult you want your kids to become?
-
Are you in a harmonious relationship with your child’s other bio-parent? Are you
working together? How can this improve?
-
How can you develop mutual support in both homes?
-
Do you have a long-term perspective for your kids?
Check out this interview on our YouTube Channel! FREE SUBSCRIPTION https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCc6LPCo8ksYC0nJK2y2dSVg/videos?view_as=subscriber
Find Joel here:
www.reallifeleading.com
www.speakerjoel.com
https://twitter.com/RealLifeLeading
https://www.facebook.com/joel.w.hawbaker
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Do you feel protected in your relationship? Gil and Brenda define what that looks like to them and how it impacts their relationship. Although, what they share may affect your relationship too. Protection isn’t just about your physical well being. It involves the physical, emotional and spiritual dimension of your relationship.
Action step:
Have the conversation.
What does feeling protected look like:
Emotionally
Physically
Spiritually
in our relationship?
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3 Ways to Stop Relational Drift
You may be living parallel lives, on the same page and everything is going well. Yet we all have seasons where we drift from that. Careers, health, focus on our kids and a myriad of other things can pull us away from each other without us even realizing it. Gil and Brenda share 3 common ways drift can happen in a relationship. Luckily, they also offer ways to get back to the dock too!
They’ll be adding action steps at the end of the podcast. Here they are for this episode:
-
Sit down with your spouse/partner.
-
Dividing the page in half (long side) draw a horizontal line from one end to the other. This represents your marriage.
-
Draw a boat on either side of the line (one yours, the other your spouses’/partner) starting from the left.
-
Draw out where your path/direction through your relationship (from beginning to where you are now).
-
Talk about the times you drifted from the marriage line and times that you crossed over or intersected it.
-
These intersections are when you are sharing your worlds and how you compliment one another. How can this happen more? What gets in the
way?
- How can you say something when you feel like the drift is happening? ie: My boat (the boat) is adrift. The boat has left the dock.
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Gil and Brenda are interviewed by Paul VanSickle with WAY-FM 104.5 (Vancouver, WA market). The upcoming Northwest Marriage Conference is coming next month. How do your past relationships affect the present? What happens in each stage of marriage? Honeymoon, ankle biters, teenagers, and empty nesting all have a special flair about them. Gather some wisdom and laughter as you listen in on this great conversation!
Register today for the NWMC on 2/9/19 in Vancouver, WA
https://wayfm.regfox.com/nwmarriageconference
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The Holiday season can be…crazy, right? Although, living in a stepfamily can be that way all the time! Gil and Brenda bring some perspective to the “Holidaze” with some old reminders (Holiday survival 101) and some new thoughts. Realistic expectations vs lower your expectations…which one? Don’t ask the kids too much about their other bio parent. This conversation is worthy of a podcast on its own!
Let this be a reminder of you to slow down the spin this holiday season. Although, this applies to most holidays. Be encouraged!
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Is there a friendship in your marriage? Friendship can get lost in the marriage. Will it always be fun? No. It is ok for friends to disagree/fight. It’s healthy in a marriage…as long as it is done correctly. It’s important that both “hearts” are heard. Gil and Brenda share 3 ways to build your friendship in your marriage. This vital part of your relationship needs to be intentionally nurtured, especially when THOSE PEOPLE (your children) try to derail it. A healthy marriage is the best gift you can give your children, no matter their age.
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The holidays are just about to begin. Do you know how to prepare for them? Is this new territory or is it time to up your game? And we’re not talking about the turkey…or the dinner!
Being in a stepfamily is hard enough, but you add in the stresses of the holidays and hard is at a new level! Gil and Brenda will share 5 tips to help stay sane during this emotionally charged season. As always, they will bring perspective and laughter into their podcast.
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Ready for some refreshing encouragement for your remarriage and stepfamily? How is Velcro like your marriage? Gil and Brenda interview Jed, author of 12 books (with Jenny too!), a therapist, psychology professor, and a stepdad. So many nuggets of wisdom are shared here! 131 Conversations for Stepfamily Success is so helpful and his newest book, Happy Skills for Happy Kids is a must. It’ll help kids (and adults) learn how to manage stress and anger!
Find out more about Jed and Jenny Jurchenko:
www.coffeeshopconversations.com
Jen and Jed’s Coffee Shop Conversations (FACEBOOK)
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Want to be more in sync with each other? Ron Deal with Family Life Blended, shares vulnerably and offers a wealth of ideas and encouragement in his interview with Gil and Brenda. His latest book, Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily is a home run! You can shift your direction (thoughts) by just 1 degree and it can keep you on course and be in sync again. This very SIMPLE devo can be read in under a minute!!
Co-parenting, marriage, parenting, jealousy and more are topics are covered in this book. You can even share some of these devotions with your kids! Wow!
You can find Ron at www.familylifebelnded.com Order the book here
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Gil and Brenda are having some fun sharing stories of their fourth of July celebrations through the years. Thrown in are some interesting facts about our country’s birthday too. The Stuarts would love to hear some of your “war” stories of fireworks gone wrong, happy celebrations and that awful potatoe salad your aunt brought! Happy Happy to you…and the United States of America!
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The Gottman Institute has been around for over 40 years. Their research on marriage and relationships comes from their “Love Labs” and is pretty solid and world-renowned. Gil and Brenda share from a recent article from the Washington Post, June 2018, 5 Myths about Marriage that comes from the Gottman Institute. There were some common myths that we all believe, but there were a few surprises too! This is just another way for you, our listener to continue to learn about marriage. What conversations can you have about these myths? Which ones have you fallen prey to?
Here’s the link to the article in the Washington Post
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It’s High School and College graduation season!. Kids hear all the time, the dreaded question “so what are your plans? College, work, what are you going to do with your life?” The conversation continues with Cutis Miller, Executive Director/Founder of Connect Battle Ground. How does a high ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score affect how a child (and adult) navigates this world? The cycle of need, arousal, response and relaxation (or distress) impacts how we deal with life. We need secure, positive connections. Learn about the KNOW acronym and how it can positively impact your life and those around you!
The ACE's Questions:
- Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? If yes enter 1 ________ 2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? If yes enter 1 ________ 3. Did an adult person at least 5 years older than you ever…Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? If yes enter 1 ________ 4. Did you often or very often feel that …No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? If yes enter 1 ________ 5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? If yes enter 1 ________ 6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? If yes enter 1 ________ 7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? If yes enter 1 ________ 8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs? If yes enter 1 ________ 9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? If yes enter 1 ________ 10. Did a household member go to prison? If yes enter 1 _______ Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.
Connect Battle Ground ACE’s information
Take the ACE”s test
What does your score mean?
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Episode 37 ALL ACE’s Part 1 (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Interview with Curtis Miller
Have you (or someone you know) experienced a Big “T” trauma or a Little “t” trauma?
Whether you are a child, teen or an adult, there can be many factors that can lead you to a life of low self-worth, low self-esteem, and a constant self-protection. This impacts all of our relationships. Gil and Brenda interview Curtis Miller, Executive Director/Founder of Connect Battle Ground. This non-profit focus’ on supporting kids in the BG community and helps bring generations together for connection. Learn how certain Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) can not only impact a kid but an adult. Resilience can be experienced through connectedness in relationships. For more information and recourses check out the link below.
The ACE's Questionaire:
- Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? If yes enter 1 ________ 2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? If yes enter 1 ________ 3. Did an adult person at least 5 years older than you ever…Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? If yes enter 1 ________ 4. Did you often or very often feel that …No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? If yes enter 1 ________ 5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? If yes enter 1 ________ 6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced? If yes enter 1 ________ 7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? If yes enter 1 ________ 8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs? If yes enter 1 ________ 9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? If yes enter 1 ________ 10. Did a household member go to prison? If yes enter 1 _______ Now add up your “Yes” answers: _______ This is your ACE Score.
Connect Battle Ground ACE’s information
Take the ACE”s test
What does your score mean?
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A blended family that is formed through the pain of widowhood is very difficult, to say the least. Join Gil and Brenda as they interview Jess and Ryan Ronne. Both lost their previous spouses to brain cancer. Grief, loss, compassion, “sainting the person,” is discussed in this pretty raw interview. How do you engage the other family members who are grieving themselves and yet protect your new family? Jess and Ryan share vulnerably what worked for them…and what hasn’t. Make sure you check them out on the following social media outlets!
www.jessplusthemess.com Facebook/jessplusthemess Instagram/Jessplusthemess Pinterest/jessplusthemess YouTube/jessplusthemess
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In a marriage, the sexual experience is the highest form of communication. In their playful, real style, Gil and Brenda talk about the subject of the sexual relationship in your marriage. And, as usual, they don’t just talk about it from the 30,000 ft level, but they go deeper. Where does the heart come into play? In what ways can you be more intentional in this part of your relationship? How do you repair? Listen in for some new ideas!
Gil and Brenda would love to hear your thoughts too! Please go to their Facebook or Instagram pages to make your comments!
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You’ve never heard an interview like this one. Gil and Brenda hadn’t. You probably hear a lot about the person who was left in the marriage by their spouse. People rally around them to give them support through their “train wreck.”
What about the people who left the marriage? Is there forgiveness for them? No matter what side of the fence you are on, listen in for some raw conversation about being the leavor in a marriage.
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Most people who get remarried and have adult stepchildren feel that they won’t have any problems. That is a myth, big time. Gil and Brenda discuss the nuances of having adult stepchildren. Yes, there are situations where everything is fine...no doubt. But adult stepchildren are experiencing the same feelings that our little ones who are in the home are experiencing. They are just better at verbalizing them! How can you come alongside your adult stepchildren today?
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Gil and Brenda are here to encourage Stepmoms on Mother’s Day by helping their husbands know what to do! This special day is loaded with emotions and expectations. It can be a party and celebration for some, and yet for others, there is radio silence from their stepchildren. Gil shares 3 pointers to help husbands love their wives through this holiday… with sensitivity, honesty and some laughter.
As they say, “always forward!”
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Leisure Time = Marital Happiness. This shouldn’t be rocket science…but sometimes it feels like it! Gil and Brenda have some fun as they share the benefits of married couples dating, and 12 date rules (an addition to Brenda’s already established dating rules!) You are free to add your own!
How do you smell? That could be a very important point to talk about. No time for conflict. Not a therapy session. Comforting? Exciting? CONNECTION!
Gil and Brenda created a new acronym which they shared for the first time with each other…oh boy! What does PLAY mean to you? Let them know what other words you come up with that bring creativity and energy to your marriage.
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Gil and Brenda interview Laura Petherbridge who is an author, international speaker on many topics, and a stepmom cheerleader. In this episode, the conversation covers stepmoms and stepdads who did not bring any biological children into the marriage (although ALL stepmoms/dads will benefit). There are some different moving parts with this type of stepfamily.
These new stepmoms can be ambushed by the new activity of the family, lack of influence she thought she would have and seeing her husband parent differently than she would. It can be a very lonely place.
What myths do these stepmoms/dads believe? What is the #1 marital issue with stepmoms in general?
You can find out more about Laura here: www.TheSmartStepmom.com
She speaks to many other topics that involve women, marriage, and the family.
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Gil and Brenda present Part 2 of this podcast on communication and conflict. Pass it along to your friends, family, and co-workers. They share great insights into the distorted thinking that hinders our communication with others. And they are BIG on communicating well so that connection happens. False beliefs about ourselves can get in our way of loving and speaking to others in a healthy productive fashion.
Gil and Brenda encourage you to have an honest conversation with a trusted friend and/or spouse to share these distortions. A reciprocal conversation of, “do you see this in me? Do I have this distortion?” could be very eye-opening!
The Stuarts are always here to help. As a Counselor/Coach they speak with people all the time, all over the world! If you need a little extra help with this conversation, you can contact them at hello@gilandbrenda.com
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ANYONE can relate to this podcast today!
The most important conversation is the one you have with yourself. Assumptions and negative self-talk (among other conversations with yourself) will directly impact your conversations with others. Gil and Brenda will share 4 of the 8 common distortions in our thinking. Which ones do you resonate with?
Get rid of your stinkin' thinkin' today! Just being aware of these distortions in ourselves and others can bring your communication with others to the connection you really want.
Part 2 is next week!
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(please excuse the “rough sound” on this interview)
Through all cultures, what is the common thread of Fatherhood? Rick Johnson, from Better Dad’s shares, that deep down, men want to be good Fathers. Gil and Brenda interview this best selling author of 12 books (in 14 different languages,) international speaker on men, women, marriages. Dads and stepdads alike share the incredible responsibility of shaping the identity of their kids, can be a kinsmen redeemer and protector. Wonderful, encouraging information here! Enjoy!
You can find Rick Johnson at www.betterdads.net
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The more we work with remarried couples the #1 challenge is the ex. Whether it is your ex or your spouse's ex, they can impact our families, both positively but mostly negatively. Gil and Brenda talk about how to disengage those hot buttons that the ex knows how to set off in us. By Cutting and Cauterizing the emotions, your current marriage and family will be in a healthier place. You can not control the ex or what goes on in the other home. But you can get to a healthier place yourself. Start today!
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We can all relate to having stress in our life, right? Some seasons carry more than others. Gil and Brenda share 3 ways stress (cortisol) is released into your body and how you can help get rid of it! The first thing is knowing what stresses you have! Identifying it/them is the first step. Listen in as Gil and Brenda share 4 more ways to de-stress! You’ll feel better physically, emotionally and spiritually. And your friends and family will thank you too!
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Everyone will get something out of this interview!!
Stepfamily life is hard enough. Then add in the military component and that is a stress multiplier for sure. Gil and Brenda interview Todd and Tammy Gangle who have 6 kids in their stepfamily. Todd was an Air Force Chaplain He shares about the 3 D’s in a military stepfamily. We only had time to scratch the service here. We’re hoping to do more interviews to share information specifically for military stepfamilies, Have something to share/ Please contact us:hello@gilandbrenda.com
Todd and Tammy are working with Family Life to help military stepfamilies. His contact info is tgangl@familylife.com or 256.665.4232.
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Conflict. Boy, this is a biggie when it comes to relationships. Don’t you wish you could have a plan in place, so when conflict comes (because it always will), you know what to do? Gil and Brenda will share 10 steps to help resolve any conflict you have. Tone and body language play into this too. Couples get that “ah ha” moment when they work these steps! Be one of those couples
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At times, marriage can be a struggle. Like wrestling, embracing the struggle and working through it can make us stronger. Our dear friend, Dan Russell has first-hand experience in the wrestling world. (see his accolades below) Gil and Brenda have a lively conversation with Dan about the similarities between marriage and wrestling. The kiss of death, a united vision, our opponent and our coach are all part of the wrestling experience. Funny how it’s the marriage experience too!
Dan Russell:
4 Time NCAA Wrestling Champion
2004 Olympic Wrestling Coach
USA Wrestling Coach
1995 Wrestling Unofficial Champion of the World
Actor
Author of Finish Strong
Pastor
Married 26 years
Dad of 4 young adults
Wrestling for Peace Ambassador
Contact:
wrestlingforpeace@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/dan.russell.7777
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Do you ever wish you could communicate with your spouse, exactly what your heart wants? How can you be heard without WW3 starting?
This episode is all about doing that! Listen in as Gil and Brenda share with you how to speak in loving and clear ways with your spouse. You will have peace, clarity and less miscommunication (ie: conflict) to your marriage.
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Gil and Brenda interview Willie and Rachel Scott with Better Than Blended. How do you handle a messy custody battle? How do support your spouse? How can it affect your marriage? What’s the biggest challenge for the kids? Do you really need to be able to bite your tongue?The Scotts share valuable tools to help you (or someone you know) through this “icky” part of the stepfamily adventure.
If you would like to learn more about Willie and Rachel and Better Than Blended, please contact them at www.Betterthanblended.com facebook.com/betterthanblended instagram.com/betterthanblended
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Do you think your kids are grieving? You may be surprised to hear the answer.
Because we(the adults) are happy to have found love again, doesn't mean that our kids feel the same way! The stepfamily journey can be very difficult. Part of that journey that no one likes to talk about is the subject of grief…especially with our kids. Gil and Brenda interviewed Diane Fromme, author of Stepparenting the Grieving Child. Diane brings practical tools and insights that can help this part of your journey! You can find her at http://www.dianefromme.com/
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepparentingthegrievingstepchild #dianefromme #gilandbrenda
Boy, is this a Stepfamily hot button! Gil and Brenda ask each other, “How do you feel when I criticize your kids?” The mama/papa bear can easily come out in these conversations! Defenses come up, words are said that are not meant, and the wall that you have built to come behind and protect you and your marriage is now between you.
On the flip side, “How do you feel when I compliment your kids?” Ahhh, connection happens, empathy is shared, and as a parent, you feel like you are doing a good job.
Does this all sound familiar? Learn how THOSE PEOPLE (your kids…no matter their age) impact your marriage!
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #gilandbrenda
Gil and Brenda had attended a weekend retreat for Counselors. The subject, EFT, Emotional Focused Therapy and Inter-Subjectivity. They had the opportunity to interview two Counselors, Fay DeMeyer and Jeremiah Winston. It was a lively discussion on the counseling profession! Sometimes we need a little check-up for a check-in. How are we doing as individuals? This will directly impact how we interact with our spouse, family, and others. If we haven't dealt with our “stuff” it will tend to spill onto others. One key nugget: what developmental phases were missed or not nurtured as we were children?
How does that affect who we are today?
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Who would not want to increase intimacy in their marriage? We’re not talking about physical intimacy here. Although, what Gil and Brenda are sharing today will directly affect what goes on in the bedroom. As they have said before, it’s not only about communicating, it’s about connecting. You probably have heard some of these 8 skills before. Yet it’s so easy to forget about them when “life” happens. If you would like a copy of the list, just contact the Stuarts at hello@gilandbrenda.com
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What are Gil and Brenda up to in this New Year? This is a quick check in from them. They would love to be able to meet you at one of their events. Please connect with them via email, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. What’s your story? How can they encourage you, your marriage and your family? Thanks so much for following and listening in!
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice
Soo, how did it go? Did you survive or thrive?Gil and Brenda take a minute to reflect on this Holiday season. What are the "5 Top Questions You Can Ask Yourself " as you reflect on this season. What worked? What didn’t? This is a great conversation to have with your spouse, your kids, and your stepkids. Please contact us if you would like a copy of the 5 Questions to Ask Yourself at hello@gilandbrenda.com
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice
stepamilyholidays #blendedfamilyholidays
www.gilandbrenda.com/restored-remarried
This episode will encourage you on your stepfamily adventure!
Wouldn’t it be great if all your kids were excited as you are about your family? Well, sometimes kids in a stepfamily need a little help, Triple F Night: Forced Family Fun! Hear from Gil and Brenda how they created this term and how it played out in their family! It was a little rough at first, but the kids finally bought into it! Please let Gil and Brenda know your Triple F Night stories at hello@gilandbrenda.com
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice
gilandbrenda
This episode will encourage ALL marriages!
Hmmm, is this podcast for the men or the woman out there? Gil came home from a few counseling sessions and said: “After the day I’ve had, we gotta do a podcast!” Uh oh, what are you in for? Talking about cantaloupes verses honeydew, does nagging really help and what is the emotion behind it. All relationships will benefit from this one! Hang on!
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www.gilandbrenda.com
This episode will encourage your stepfamily!
Join Gil and Brenda as they interview guests Tammy and Jay Daughtry, founders of CoParenting International. What is your relationship like with your child’s other bio parent? Could it be better? This relationship can be very difficult to navigate. Bottom line though, what is in the best interest of your child. Do you have a 3 am friend? Listen in and see what nuggets of wisdom you can apply to your family today! Thank you, Tammy and Jay, for being on the front lines to help families!
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice#coparentinginternational#coparenting
This episode will encourage you in your stepfamily adventure!
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day. Whew, there can be a lot going on during the holidays. What’s really going on under the surface? What are YOUR expectations? How are they impacting those around you? Where do the grandparents and ex-inlaws fit into your holiday plans? Or do they? As far as the holidays that involve gift giving, what does that look like for your family? Are your kids/stepkids able to take their gifts to the “other home?”. Listen in as Gil and Brenda offer stories, advice and compassion as they talk about these challenging situations.
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice #stepfamilyholidays #stepfamilychristmas #blendedfamilychristmas #blendedfamilyholidays #gilandbrenda
This episode will encourage you in your stepfamily adventure!
Thanksgiving time! Frozen turkey football, yams or mashed potatoes, whole berry cranberry sauce or jellied? Wow, this holiday can be really loaded…as any holiday can be! What is YOUR attitude during this holiday season? You may be experiencing the unfairness of your divorce/loss of spouse/loss of a dream. How is YOUR attitude affecting the kids…all of them?
Have you talked about which holiday traditions to keep and/or which ones you may need to let go of? How have you been intentional in creating new traditions that will add to the foundation of your new legacy?
Gil and Brenda will talk about all of this “fun” holiday stuff. How will you traverse through it? This is part 1 of a 2 part podcast. The Stuarts would love to hear your thoughts. Contact them at hello@gilandbrenda.com
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #stepfamilyholidays #blendedfamilyholidays#blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice
This podcast is for ALL Marriage!
You've heard it before...dating and connecting is so important for your relationship! Life is crazy sometimes, we get it. Even more reason to make sure you are in a good place with your partner.
What is the science behind dating? Why is it so important? What impact does it have on our relationships? Gil and Brenda will share statistics, tips tools, and tingles. Hang on, this is going to be a good one!
Now, go on a date!
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #RestoredandRemarried
marriagepodcast #investinyourmarriage #marriagecoach #marriagecounselor #husbandwifeteam #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepfamily
This episode will encourage ALL marriages!
Have you ever experienced having a wall between your partner? Miscommunication, assumptions, conflicts and unmet expectations cause division, which is like a wall. Gil and Brenda will help you reframe the wall, so it will not divide but bring unity into your relationship. Strengthen your marriage and add depth and connection to your marriage today!
And yes, there’s homework, GREAT homework!
safemarriage #protectmymarriage #protectourmarriage #marriagecommunication #remarriagecommunication #relationshipcommunication #gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #RestoredandRemarried #marriagepodcast #investinyourmarriage #marriagecoach #marriagecounselor #husbandwifeteam #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepfamily
Stepkids: No matter their age, they can bring lots of joy…or challenges.
Which “camp” are you in? Gil and Brenda will tackle some common situations that stepfamilies experience. “You’re not my Dad/Mom.” “I can do whatever I want at my Mom’s house.” “Your rules are bad here, you are so mean.” Sound familiar?
In today’s episode, you will learn that you are not alone. Your kiddos may be still in the home or living on their own now. Age can work for you or against you when it comes to the dynamics with a stepchild. Age doesn’t seem to separate the challenges.
Listen in, be encouraged.
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #RestoredandRemarried
marriagepodcast #investinyourmarriage #marriagecoach #marriagecounselor #husbandwifeteam #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepfamily
https://gilandbrenda.com
All marriages will benefit from this episode!
Catch Phrases Part 2
Here we go with 4 more terms to share: Foxholes, Phantoms, Short Accounts and Unconscious Undertoes. Gil and Brenda share how using these terms have healed past hurts, helped in the area of forgiveness and has built trust in their relationship. Bring clarity and understanding to your relationship by using these terms. Gil and Brenda encourage you to make up your own! Using this communication shortcut has saved them hours of misunderstanding and assumptions.
Check out their website for upcoming speaking engagements, Blog, Media interviews and Small Group materials including a book, workbook, leaders guide and a DVD.
noconflict #reduceconflict #marriageconnecting #marriagecommunication
safemarriage #protectmymarriage #protectourmarriage #marriagecommunication #remarriagecommunication #relationshipcommunication #gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #RestoredandRemarried #marriagepodcast #investinyourmarriage #marriagecoach #marriagecounselor #husbandwifeteam #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepfamily #assumptions #marriagemisunderstandings
www.gilandbrenda.com
All marriages will benefit from this episode!
1 + 1 = 3
Intersubjectivity. Say what? Listen to how this applies to your marriage. Gil and Brenda will talk about Apple Martinis, Fred, Iris and the Beachfront. Your marriage has its own personality. How’s “it” doing? Learn how to check in with each other and improve the health of your marriage. When we both are intentional in our marriage amazing things will happen. And, we get our needs met. Crazy how that happens. The best gift we can give our kids and society is a marriage that ROCKS!!!
Check out their website for upcoming speaking engagements, Blogs and YouTube videos to strengthen your marriage
www.gilandbrenda.com
gilandbrenda #tipstoolsandtingles #RestoredandRemarried #marriagepodcast #investinyourmarriage #marriagecoach #marriagecounselor #husbandwifeteam #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #remarriageadvice #marriagepodcast #stepfamilypodcast #blendedfamilypodcast #remarriagepodcast #stepfamily #investinyourmarriage #putyourmarriagefirst #rockyourmarriage
Join Gil and Brenda Stuart as they share their “dirt under the fingernails” experience in a stepfamily. Counselor and Coach, authors and speakers, they share practical tools so you can have a remarriage that ROCKS! No matter the age of your kids (if you have any) the best gift you can give them is a strong marriage.
With Gil and Brenda, you get both the male and female perspective in marriage. As you listen to them, sparks will fly, laughter and tears will happen, but you’ll walk away with insight for your remarriage and stepfamily that you will find valuable and applicable.
Get tips, tools and tingles as the Stuarts encourage you in your remarriage and stepfamily adventure!
Check out their website for upcoming speaking engagements, Blog, Media interviews and Small Group materials including a book, workbook, leaders guide and a DVD.
https://gilandbrenda.com/restored-remarried/
restoredandremarried #remarried #stepfamilies #stepfamilys #blendedfamilies #blendedfamilys #stepmother #stepfather #stepmom #stepdad #bonusfamily #bonusmom #bonusdad #bonusmother #bonusfather #coparenting #stepchild #stepchildren #stepson #stepdaughter
All marriages will benefit from this episode!
Gil and Brenda share terms and phrases that have helped them reduce conflict in their marriage. Sneaker Waves, Bare Wires, Open Doors and Old Tapes/New Tapes are terms you can start using in your relationship right now! Learn how you can apply these to not only help with communication but to bring connected-ness between you two! Do you know what the Latin term for courage is? Listen in.
Check out their website for upcoming speaking engagements, Blog, Media interviews and Small Group materials including a book, workbook, leaders guide and a DVD.
https://gilandbrenda.com/restored-remarried/
RestoredandRemarried #remarried #remarriage #stepfamily #stepmom #stepdad #stepmother #stepfather #stepparent #stepparenting #stepchild #blendedfamily #marriagehelp #conflictresolution #parenting #remarriagehelp #stepfamilyhelp #blendedfamilyhelp #tipstoolsandtingles #remarriageadvice
Couples in a stepfamily will really benefit from this episode.
We can really get caught up in having the wrong myths and expectations in our remarriage. Thank goodness Siri can help us out here! Gil and Brenda will look at 7 common myths that remarriages and stepfamilies face. Wow, 72 differences between a first marriage and a second too! Time to take off the rose-colored glasses and get a reality check! Living in a blended family is not for the faint-at-heart. You will build character and understanding that you never knew you had…if you do it right!
Check out their website for upcoming speaking engagements, Blog, Media interviews and Small Group materials including a book, workbook, leaders guide and a DVD.
https://gilandbrenda.com/restored-remarried/