Arms Race Podcast: Recent Episodes
Arms Race Podcast
Two friends attempt to determine once and for all which action star has the highest body count in movie history -- currently, by watching every Sylvester Stallone movie one at a time. Formerly the Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast.
The Arms Race Podcast comes around for another lap to discuss the 2001 racing movie, Driven!
It's that time of year again for the Arms Race Podcast's annual comeback episode, as we discuss the 2021 film, The Suicide Squad!
The Arms Race Podcast comes out of retirement to discuss the 2013 comedy, Grudge Match!
The Arms Race Podcast discusses the epic conclusion to the Escape Plan trilogy: Escape Plan: The Extractors!
The Arms Race Podcast discusses a movie about bootlegging, and it turns out to be a bootleg Godfather movie in and of itself: it's 1975's Capone!
The Arms Race Podcast is still hanging around, and now we're here for our summit on the 1993 action film, Cliffhanger!
The Arms Race Podcast rings in the new year with its discussion of the 1991 comedy, Oscar!
For their nefarious crime of choosing to watch every Sylvester Stallone movie one at a time, the Arms Race Podcast are sentenced to watch the 1995 sci-fi comic book adaptation, Judge Dredd!
The Arms Race Podcast is in town, to discuss the Netflix-exclusive animated film, Animal Crackers!
The Arms Race Podcast returns home to begin its fourth and final season covering every Sylvester Stallone movie ever made, as we discuss Get Carter!
We're back for one last bonus episode before our final Sylvester Stallone term of office begin, and Arms Race Podcast has elected to discuss the 1971 crime thriller starring Michael Caine: Get Carter!
The Arms Race Podcast reverses the rotation of the Earth to 1978 for our commentary track of Superman!
The Arms Race Podcast recaps its seventh season, tallies the carnage and gives out some awards from the previous twelve episodes. See you next season!
The Arms Race Podcast is back to discuss the 1998 animated film, Antz! In this episode Mike and Kevin attempt to glean the movie's moral as best they can, compare ant battle strategies to other fictional military blunders, trace the long cinematic lineage of the Batusi, and compare the rivalry between Antz & A Bug's Life to a number of other similarly-paired films.
The Arms Race Podcast shelters in place to discuss the 2003(-ish) Sylvester Stallone comedy(-ish), Avenging Angelo! In this episode Mike and Kevin dissect another piece of obscurity from Stallone's dark age, witness a variety of different approaches to home improvement, and learn new and surprising definitions for simple words such as "orphan" and "mistress". Be safe out there, be like Frankie Delano: always keep your distance.
The Arms Race podcast finally returns from a brief detour to discuss the 1996 Sylvester Stallone disaster film, Daylight! On this episode Mike and Kevin discuss the relative merits of the disaster movie genre, speculate about Roy Nord's posthumous career as a pitch man, bear witness to Sylvester Stallone's biggest fans, and discuss elaborate travel plans that will never come to pass. Be like Kit Latura, and stay safe out there!
The Arms Race podcast travels into the distant past to retrieve its 2016 discussion of the Universal Studios T2 3-D Experience: Battle Across Time!
Regularly scheduled Sylvester Stallone programming will resume in two weeks!
The Arms Race Podcast is going back in time to retcon itself back into the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss 2019's Terminator: Dark Fate!
The Arms Race podcast returns to discuss Jim Abrahams' Rambo parody, Hot Shots: Part Deux!
Welcome, friendos! Mike and Kevin are back with another commentary track to the Coen Brothers' modern classic, No Country For Old Men!
Welcome to The Rock! Mike and Kevin talk you through every twist and turn of this 1996 classic, from the heights of the Fairmont Hotel penthouse suite, to the deepest depths of the Mines of Moria.
Apologies if we seem a bit more shouty than usual, but we were talking over the movie audio the entire time.
The Arms Race podcast rings in the new year the only way we know how, by discussing the "spin-off" of Danny Trejo's Spy Kids character: Machete!
Do I hear a new Arms Race episode on my roof? 'Tis the season for us to discuss the 1990 Rocky "finale", Rocky V! On this episode Mike and Kevin discuss the Rocky franchise's return to reality, compare Rocky's new robot to the older model, take a deep dive into the Balboa family finances, and attempt to determine the movie series with the longest series of numerical sequel titles. Have a merry X-Mas, yo yo yo!
We're a witness to another of Sylvester Stallone's films here on the Arms Race podcast, as we testify to the relative merits of the 1986 action-thriller, Cobra! On this episode, Mike and Kevin discuss a thoroughly food-obsessed screenplay, a police sketch artist more suited for the funny pages, an orange grove whose produce is unlikely to pass government inspection, a photographer whose amorous advances tick all the wrong boxes, and a cargo van capable of sending well-meaning security guards into the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
The Arms Race podcast. Born to win, born to lose, born to discuss the 2002 Sylvester Stallone thriller Eye See You. But interference happens. People interfere with important tasks. We don't believe this movie is good, not at all. But when you remove the movie studio, then you will see a motion picture as it was never intended to be seen. This is not the way nature intended it to be. There will be another podcast episode found tonight. Thank you for your time.
We're back on the clock here at the Arms Race podcast to discuss the 1978 Sylvester Stallone labor drama, F.I.S.T! On this episode Mike and Kevin negotiate the finer points of the movie's plot, labor under the delusion that no bad news is good news, identify a striking multitude of familiar faces, and drop so many Seinfeld and Simpsons references that management has deducted them from their pay.
The Arms Race podcast respawns for another episode, as we update our objective to discuss Spy Kids 3: Game Over! On this episode Mike and Kevin choose versus mode regarding the relative merits of the movie, take aim at some game design that isn't quite on the level, put Oakley's specs to the test, and marvel at he movie's massively-multiplayer finale.
The Arms Race podcast returns for a brand new season covering Sylvester Stallone movies, and we're starting off with a multitude of bangs by discussing Rambo III! In this episode Mike and Kevin debate the relative merits of John Rambo's new skills in stick-fighting, comedy, roofing, mine detecting, sightseeing, spelunking, goat-pulling, locksmithing, babysitting, and human roman candle-ing.
Recorded several months ago, from Lisle Illinois, it's a podcast about Sylvester Stallone hosting Saturday Night Live!
The Arms Race podcast regrets to inform you that it is here to discuss the 1983 Sylvester-Stallone-directed sequel to Saturday Night Fever: Staying Alive. Thank you for your patience during this difficult time.
Duty calls as the Arms Race podcast is called back into action to discuss the first episode of the Rambo Saturday-morning cartoon, Rambo: The Force of Freedom!
The Arms Race Podcast recaps its sixth season, hands out some awards, and tallies the body counts from the previous twelve episodes!
Another season comes to an end here at the Arms Race podcast, as we bear witness the end of the Cold War in Rocky IV! On this episode, Mike and Kevin go ballistic over the slickest and most surreal film in the Rocky series, tear down the wall between cinema and music video, explore a series of iron curtain calls for a celebrity robot, and endure the mutually assured destruction of their recording equipment. See you next season!
We're on a mission to bring you the latest episode of the Arms Race podcast, as we discuss Rambo: First Blood Part II! On this episode Mike and Kevin argue the relative merits of the movie as a sequel to First Blood, speculate about the various creature comforts Murdoch has brought along with him, and finally catalog every film and television episode to have ever made a reference to John J. Rambo.
We're feeling the call of the wild on the latest episode of the Arms Race Podcast, as we discuss the 2011 comedy, Zookeeper!
The Arms Race podcast jitterbugs on back to discuss the 1950s nostalgia-fest, The Lords of Flatbush! On this episode Mike and Kevin walk the line between the film's best and worst aspects, critique the great pretender who wrote the film's music, discuss methods of birth control that would make any man twist and shout, examine a rare honor that an actor receives only once in a blue moon, before Mr. Sandman dreams us a dream of owning the dog painting from Goodfellas.
We're investigating another Sylvester Stallone film on this episode of the Arms Race podcast, as we discuss the 1981 cop film, Nighthawks! On this episode Mike and Kevin discuss and critique the film's story, the film's music, the Commodore 64 music, hostage-taking strategies, plastic surgery techniques, Mission Impossible masks, and disco wardrobe choices.
The Arms Race podcast is back in action to discuss the 1995 action-thriller, Assassins! On this episode Mike and Kevin attempt to dissect the gossamer that is this movie's plot, witness the birth of reality TV, take a deep and confusing dive into the minutia of chess openings, and finally try their best to retcon Assassins into being a prequel to both John Wick and Rocky IV.
The Arms Race podcast takes a break from discussing movies to discuss the Muppet Show, Season 3 Episode 20, featuring special guest star Sylvester Stallone!
When we first began the Arms Race podcast, we had the eye of the tiger man, the edge! And now we've got to get it back, and the way to get it back is to discuss Rocky III! On this episode Mike and Kevin discuss where Rocky III stands in the series critically, marvel at Sylvester Stallone's (and Burt Young's) wrestling technique, examine Rocky's relationship with his still-unnamed son, and take a stroll through Mr. T's illustrious career.
We're visited by an unwelcome guest on the latest episode of the Arms Race podcast, in the form of the Sylvester Stallone comedy Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot! Will Mike and Kevin find the culprits behind this heinous act of cinematic criminality? Will they decipher the clues hidden among the mountain of baby photos and pineapple chunks? Or will the Case of the Vanishing Punchlines go unsolved forever?
We can't escape the steady stream of prison movies on the Arms Race Podcast, so we're back to discuss the 1989 prison drama Lock Up! On this episode we compare the realism of all of Sylvester Stallone's prison films, observe the gambling do's and don'ts of a cigarette-based economy, wonder who's on First Base (and who cares), wax nostalgic about the Ickey Shuffle, and finally decide to put our prison break skills to the test in video game form.
We're in a prison of our own making on the latest episode of the Arms Race podcast, as we discuss Escape Plan 2: Hades! We've perfected our podcast algorithms so that we can most efficiently bring you our discussions about magical satellites, robotic doctors, bug societies, finger painting, nefarious churches, prison cookies, and the wild world of the Chinese film industry.
It's the most ambitious crossover event in the history of the Arms Race Podcast, as we enter the realm of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to discuss Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2! In this episode Mike and Kevin discuss the finer points of 70s rock hits, museum exhibits, roll-out carpets, Mary Poppins, Pac-Man, Tastee Freez, space fireworks, corrective eyewear, and of course Bull from Night Court, before finally taking a 45-minute detour into the entirety of the Marvel cinematic canon.
The Arms Race podcast returns for a new year and a new season to discuss the 1989 buddy-cop action comedy, Tango & Cash! Two podcast hosts must team up to clear their names, using all the evidence they can gather -- including but not limited to: stuffed animal security systems, rodent-related health code violations, ill-advised accents, burlesque drumming techniques, alternate realities, forgotten 80s Saturday morning cartoons, mis-remembered 90s cereals, and a thorough investigation into the Golden Girls expanded universe.
It's double jeopardy on the Arms Race podcast, as we discuss two 70s Phillip Marlowe movies which happen to feature few familiar faces: Farewell My Lovely and The Long Goodbye! It's our final bonus episode before we return in 2019 for another brand new season!
The Arms Race podcast recaps its fifth season, the first dedicated to watching every Sylvester Stallone movie one by one.
Special thanks to the Going the Distance podcast for the inside Rocky II info! You can find their podcast here:
http://goingthedistance.libsyn.com/
It's time to climb back into the ring on the Arms Race, as we go toe-to-toe about Rocky II! In this episode, Mike and Kevin argue about all of the finer points of the Rocky series' second outing, and in the process call into question Apollo Creed's judgement, Adrian's motives, Rocky's job hunting strategies, Mickey's running speed, and Frank Stallone's lyrical prowess. We're going the distance, in our most combative episode yet!
The Arms Race Podcast keeps on trucking as we try to reconcile our opinions about the classic Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling film, Over the Top! In this episode, Mike and Kevin come to grips with the movie's strange mix of family drama and arm wrestling, speculate about the potential impact of yachting arm wrestlers on the sport, and disagree about the relative merits of hedging bets before finally finding some common ground thanks to the unique musical stylings of Kenny Loggins.
The Arms Race enters the mouth of madness to discuss the film adaptation of Ratchet & Clank. Normally this is where we would write a brief description of what to expect from this episode, but really, why bother? Why bother telling you that this episode examines the film's paint-by-numbers approach to storytelling, when the universe is cold and dark and unforgiving, without pity of remorse, mocking us with its ceaseless existential silence? For what is the purpose of mentioning that this podcast episode diverges into an examination into the finer points of the Short Circuit films, when it's abundantly clear that such an act would have no meaning in this cruel and empty universe? Such is the ennui that permeates our lives, punctuated only by the occasional Simpsons reference to remind us that one day we might once again watch a piece of entertainment that doesn't send us into a vast pit of despair, as Ratchet & Clank did. Enjoy!
The Arms Race podcast finally takes a bead on the Rambo series and pulls the trigger on the series' initial outing, First Blood! In this episode, Mike reengaged with the Rambo franchise, Kevin reveals his younger self to be the most unappreciative child in America, and together they pitch an alternate ending focused entirely on the local Dairy Queen.
The Arms Race Podcast celebrates America's independence by watching Sylvester Stallone blow up a small part of it in The Specialist! In this episode, Mike and Kevin scrutinize Sharon Stone's sizzling saxophone-suffused seduction strategies, find faults in the phoniest funeral found on film, become befuddled by a bevy of bizarre and baffling beats, and proceed to present a pair of pretentious pieces of poetry and prose for your perusal.
As World Cup fever grips the majority of the planet, there's no better time for the American hosts of the Arms Race podcast to demonstrate their general ignorance about soccer by discussing Sylvester Stallone's 1981 P.O.W. soccer movie, Escape to Victory! On this episode, Mike takes issue with the outcome of Stallone's escape attempts, Kevin takes issue with the outcome of the big soccer match, they both take issue with Michael Caine's level of effort on the pitch, and finally learn that the only cure for fascism is one man's love of a good slow-motion bicycle kick.
The Arms Race Podcast takes a short intermission from discussing Sylvester Stallone movies to talk about the theatrical Broadway production of Rocky: the Musical!
We've got the chance of a lifetime to discuss a Best Picture winning film here on the Arms Race Podcast, and we won't let it pass us by! Join us as we discuss the boxing classic that launched a franchise: Rocky! On this episode, Mike and Kevin square off about the film's genre, speculate about the effects of both genders upon the weakness of a boxer's legs, question the solvency of Mr. Gazzo's criminal enterprise, and wonder if Paulie may have been an early adopter of home video technology.
We're headed to the Big Easy on the latest episode of the Arms Race podcast, to discuss the 2013 crime thriller Bullet to the Head! On this episode, Mike and Kevin struggle to care enough about the movie's plot to bother trying to make sense of it, wonder whether or not this buddy crime film has one buddy too many, take a look at the strange phenomenon of micro-mansions.
The Arms Race hits the road as we take a look at the fourth in our series on Sylvester Stallone movies, Death Race 2000! In this episode Mike and Kevin examine the merits of this cult classic's satire, try their best to make sense of the death race's ever-shifting rules, witness a contest of boxing vs. kung fu, and return to their roots to discuss one of the finest puns in our podcast's history.
We'll cop to being excited, here at the Arms Race podcast, to discuss the 1997 police drama Cop Land! On this episode, Mike and Kevin navigate their way through the movie's dense plot, try to make sense of New York jurisdictions, criticize Joey Randone's gambling strategies, and devise a new game show which dares to ask: are there any East Coast actors who haven't appeared in a Scorsese movie or in an episode of the Sopranos?
The Arms Race podcast returns to discuss a movie as tone-deaf as its lead actor: Rhinestone! In this episode, Mike and Kevin try to refrain from becoming downbeat as they decide whether this film strikes a minor chord, utilize a measure of creativity as they pitch some alternative story lines, make overtures towards some great background actors of old, and finally recite a chorus of praise for the happiest Dolly-Parton-themed place on earth.
The Arms Race Podcast reawakens from its cryo-sleep to cover the first in our series of Sylvester Stallone movies: Demolition Man! In this episode Mike and Kevin discuss Wesley Snipes' bravura performance as Simon Phoenix, highlight the moral hypocrisies of Denis Leary, speculate about how the three seashells may or may not work, and iron out the kinks in their new library of mini-tunes (you call them segment bumpers). Simon says: take a listen!
We're back to announce our new podcast: The Arms Race! In this continuation-slash-rebranding of Bad Puns and Machine Guns, Mike and Kevin will attempt to determine which action star has the highest body count in movie history. Our first step: watching every Sylvester Stallone movie one at a time.
Originally posted 1/24/2018
As the last remnants of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast expends itself, it embarks on its final mission: a discussion about Expendables 3! On this episode Mike and Kevin discuss the lengths that some franchises will go to court the youth audience, examine the suspicious reasons why nobody has ever seen the rest of Trench's team, voice their unwavering support for an unsung Marx brother, and pitch a handful of Expendables spinoffs they'd like to see.
Originally posted 12/27/2017
Our podcast didn't cheat death, it won fair and square, and now we're here to put the laughter back in manslaughter as we discuss Expendables 2! On this episode Mike and Kevin kill two stones with one bird while discussing Barney Ross's housing situation, tally the film's unprecedented body count as easily as counting to infinity twice, and split the atom with their bare hands only to reveal the shocking truth about Spencer's Gifts' 21st Century inventory.
Originally posted 11/29/2017
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast may have ended, but we're soldiering on with a brand new episode about cinema's original Justice League: The Expendables! On this episode Mike and Kevin withstand a total onslaught of tonal shifts, rank the greatest Christmases in movie history, struggle to locate a well-disguised toupee, and finally discover that one of the film's stars is quite literally ageless.
Originally posted 10/18/2017
The Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast returns from their hiatus to discuss the new "Arnold Schwarzenegger movie", Killing Gunther.
Originally posted 8/23/2017
As the Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast gradually descends into its final resting place beneath a pit of molten lead, Mike and Kevin say their final farewells by ranking every single Arnold Schwarzenegger movie from #33 to #1. Thanks for listening!
Originally posted 8/9/2017
Mike and Kevin play judge, jury and executioner on this penultimate episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast, as they look back on the entirety of their podcast and award their overall top five favorite kills, puns, acting performances, musical scores, villains, Sven-Ole Thorsen appearances, and much more.
Originally posted 7/26/2017
The future is here on the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we terminate our fourth and final season with our in-depth discussion of Terminator Genisys! On this episode, Mike and Kevin enjoy the ride as the franchise launches itself off the deep end, wonder whether a Terminator would make for a model employee, rank their favorite John Connors from worst to first, and take one last deep dive into the ever-expanding madness of the Terminator timeline, all before finally crossing their podcast finish line once and for all.
Originally posted 7/12/2017
We couldn't be more pumped to bring you the penultimate episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss the classic Arnold Schwarzenegger bodybuilding docudrama, Pumping Iron! On this episode, Mike and Kevin attempt to separate fact from fiction, struggle to understand bodybuilding judging criteria, and dissect Arnold's competitive mind games while playing a few of their own.
Originally posted 6/28/2017
We're delivering another episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, and we're expecting nothing but misery as we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's 1994 comedy(?), Junior! On this episode, Mike and Kevin take an extended look at 1994 in cinema before finally forcing themselves to discuss the film in question, attempt to compile a list of the most horrifying babies in movie history, struggle to understand the movie's depiction of human anatomy, and take a deep dive into Danny DeVito's pornography collection.
Originally posted 6/14/2017
We're beside ourselves with joy on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's cloning opus, The 6th Day! On this episode, sooner than you think, Mike and Kevin will discuss a near-future filled with a variety of horrific abominations, such as cloned pets, reluctant self-driving cars, laser light shows, mall monorails, demonic dolls, remote-controlled aircraft, remote-controlled dogs, nacho bananas, futuristic pagers, jelly monsters, purple bob haircuts, and the most ghastly abomination of them all: the XFL.
Originally posted 5/31/2017
We're telling nothing but the truth on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, and we're extending our invitation to join us as we discuss True Lies! On this episode, we attempt to deconstruct the French origins of this American action classic, draw a distinction between bad guys and "bad" guys, observe the age-old conflict between technology and horse, and try to determine which fictional spy Harry Tasker most resembles: James Bond, or James Bond Jr.?
Originally posted 5/17/2017
We're building bridges instead of walls on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's return to the silver screen in The Last Stand! On this episode, Mike and Kevin give Forest Whitaker a promotion from federal agent to godhood, scrutinize yet another in a long line of questionable Southern accents, fret about a SWAT team's ambiguous mission objectives, and make unnecessary alterations to a "classic" Saturday Night Live sketch.
Originally posted 5/3/2017
It's our most combative episode yet on the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, which couldn't be more appropriate for our discussion of Conan the Destroyer! On this episode we clash over the relative merits of Grace Jones, debate the finer points of human-to-camel etiquette, preside as Dungeon Masters over the Battle of Garaj Dore, and declare Conan's impatience to be his greatest virtue.
Originally posted 4/19/2017
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast returns for its fourth and final season to discuss our final foray into Arnold Schwarzenegger's low budget catalogue: Raw Deal! On this episode, Mike and Kevin discuss the improper usage of grenades, bulletproof glass and Trivial Pursuit questions, attempt to determine if magnets could in fact be used to rig a craps table, and tally a multitude of ways NOT to fake your own death.
Originally posted 4/9/2017
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast comes to you (nearly) live and direct, as we bring you our take on Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest film, Aftermath! Join us as Mike and Kevin offer their rawest reactions to the film and emerge a bit worse for wear, in more ways than one.
NOTE: Aside from some basic information regarding the movie's premise, this episode is spoiler-free through 28:20.
Originally posted 3/22/2017
Hunting season opens again on the latest episode of the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss yet another Arnold-less sequel to one of his classic films: Predator 2! In this episode, we question the wisdom of casting Danny Glover as a futuristic super-cop, examine the superstitions surrounding spilled cocaine, check Adam Baldwin for a pulse, and wonder if our replacement-level Predator is ready for the big leagues.
Originally posted 3/8/2017
If you're listening to the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, you are the resistance. That's because we're here to discuss the only Arnold-less entry into the Terminator canon thus far: Terminator Salvation! On this episode we draw comparisons to this movie's contemporaries in the killer robot genre, Kevin speaks ill of the dead, Mike speaks ill of two living directors, and we both speak ill of Terminator Salvation's final act.
Originally posted 2/22/2017
It's Christmas all over again on the latest episode of the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss yet another straight-to-video sequel to a Schwarzenegger classic: it's Jingle All the Way 2, starring Larry the Cable Guy. On this episode, Mike and Kevin try to make sense of the geographical and meteorological oddity that is Larry the Cable Guy's home town, speculate about the kinds of movies WWE Films might've made in the 1980s, and unleash a salvo of box-related puns.
Originally posted 1/25/2017
Judgment Day has arrived for the Terminator franchise on the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we argue over the fallout of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines! On this episode, Mike and Kevin debate the relative merits of the franchise's first post-James-Cameron entry, puzzle over the many powers and weapons of the franchise's new villainess, scrutinize the film's unorthodox use of sound effects, marvel over the R&D advancements made by the U.S. military's top-secret bathroom division, before finally throwing up our hands and rewriting the movie's entire third act ourselves.
Originally posted 1/11/2017
What is best in life? The latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! It is we, Arnold's chroniclers, who alone can tell you about the sword-and-sorcery classic, Conan the Barbarian! On this episode, Mike and Kevin question the quality of Thulsa Doom's personnel decisions, wonder about the Wheel of Pain franchising rights, bust out their utterly flawless James Earl Jones impressions, and look to John Milius and Oliver Stone for some post-election political healing.
Originally posted 12/28/2016
We're partying like it's 1999 on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, and we're ringing in the new year with the cinematic apocalypse known as End of Days! On this episode Mike and Kevin note the suspicious parallels between this movie and its contemporaries, discuss the deep cultural divide between flashlight people and candle people, reminisce about the Y2K apocalypse that never was, and wage an eternal battle with the operating system from hell.
Originally posted 12/12/2016
Hang your stockings and say your prayers, cause the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is coming tonight with our discussion of Jingle All the Way! We don't know if there'll be snow, but we do know if this Schwarzenegger holiday classic is bad or good, for goodness' sake. On this episode, Mike compares this movie's depictions of holiday shopping horrors to the ones he used to know, Kevin reveals that all he wants for Christmas is to karate chop a belt out of a box, we each take comfort & joy in an Amazon toy review that will go down in history, and we agree that while Arnold is no Turbo Man, he certainly can do the job while he's in town.
Originally posted 11/30/2016
We've gone looney on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast from discussing The Villain, Arnold's first foray into the field of comedy, and our first foray into the mouth of madness. In this episode, Mike and Kevin question the wisdom of making a feature-length live-action cartoon, question their ability to find topics of discussion relating to this movie, question their life choices which led them to this moment, question their own tenuous grip on sanity, before finally being confronted with the most troubling question of all: what the hell is roller disco?
Originally posted 11/16/2016
We're sticking to our convictions on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast as we discuss Escape Plan, the Schwarzenegger / Stallone prison break movie where the choice is simple: get busy killing, or get busy dying. In this episode, Mike and Kevin discuss the usefulness of out-of-state personalized license plates, speculate about Stallone's out-of-office email message, witness Arnold drawing outside the lines, criticize our heroes' out-of-the-box cryptography techniques, and admire a plucky mechanic who's way out of his element.
Originally posted 11/2/2016
The Cold War heats up in the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast as we discuss Red Heat, the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie where destruction is always mutually assured. In this episode, Mike and Kevin give a local perspective on Red Heat's depiction of Chicago, marvel at CPD's casual attitude towards their Soviet interlopers, learn about the nefarious crime of currency speculation, and scratch their heads over the state of motel pornography in the 1980s.
Originally posted 10/19/2016
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast returns for a brand new season, and jeez we've got a big episode! Jeez we've got a big episode as we discuss Predator, the movie where the handshakes are as explosive as the hand grenades. On this episode, Mike and Kevin play favorites with Dutch's crew, discuss Jean-Claude Van Damme's lucid performance, and speculate about the Predator's possible anti-American sentiment, before finally dropping themselves into the movie meat grinder that was 1987.
Originally posted 10/5/2016
Accept no substitutes in the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss the Schwarzenegger-less direct-to-video Kindergarten Cop sequel the entire world was clamoring for: Kindergarten Cop 2! In this episode we give the screenwriters a failing grade, we present our comparative analysis in relation to the seminal 80s classic Mac and Me, and we take a field trip to the land of bad impressions.
Originally posted 8/24/2016
In an insane world, the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is the sanest choice, so join us as we discuss the crown jewel of Arnold Schwarzenegger's filmography, Terminator 2: Judgment Day! On this episode we debate whether T2 is the rare movie sequel that's superior to the original, speculate about the T-800's off-screen flower-shopping excursions, measure human casualties using decimals, and witness the apocalyptic horror of dayglo-orange Zubaz.
Originally posted 8/10/2016
This week's lesson plan for the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is an in-depth analysis of Kindergarten Cop, the movie which proved to the academic community that no number of textbooks will ever equal the teaching power of a single deafening whistle. On this episode, Mike and Kevin debate the semantic differences between a one-way mirror and a two-way mirror, marvel at a five-year-old child's remarkable grasp on the finer points of the banking industry, and discuss John Kimble's investigation (or lack thereof) into the nefarious crime of hamster poisoning.
Originally posted 7/27/2016
You can hear our talk, but you cannot watch it on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! Join us as we endure Hercules in New York, Arnold Schwarzenegger's first movie, and by some miracle, not his last. In this episode we discuss the remarkable feats of athleticism that Hercules performs entirely while off-screen, critique Zeus's ineffectual managerial technique, scrutinize Professor Camden's motives for wanting to get to know Hercules better, and shower praise on the most committed hot dog vendor in the history of New York. I have spoken!
Originally posted 7/13/2016
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is back to discuss Red Sonja, the sword-and-sorcery "epic" which held the power to destroy an entire movie genre by storm and earthquake. In this episode, Mike and Kevin split hairs about the definition of "scenic route", note the similarities between Hyborian wizards and children's show co-hosts, and suggest a list of alternative killing machine ideas, all while making countless comparisons to Game of Thrones. Ciao!
Originally posted 6/29/2016
Verhoeven a wonderful time on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! Join us as we discuss Total Recall, the movie that finally proves the adage that if you don't stop making that face, it's going to stick. Mike and Kevin discuss the similarities between Johnny Cab and Siri, speculate about the details of the Rekall Corporation's alternative travel packages, and decide what is and is not an appropriate time for corn flakes, all while trying to avoid getting distracted by repeated sidebars about NBA basketball. Mars! It's FANtastic!
Originally posted 6/15/2016
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is back to discuss Maggie, the movie that dragged Little Miss Sunshine down into the darkness. In this episode we witness Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting career rise from its grave, discuss the similarities between Schwarzenegger's and Stallone's careers in 2015, and speculate about the usefulness of Columbo's detective skills in a zombie apocalypse.
Originally posted 6/1/2016
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast completes its trilogy of rain-forest revenge tales with our discussion about Collateral Damage! In this episode we draw comparisons with Arnold's prior excursions south of the border, examine the implications of releasing a movie about terrorism five months after 9/11, and speculate about the contents of terrorists' junk drawers, all while struggling to recall the details of one of Arnold's least memorable films.
Originally posted 5/18/2016
The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast returns for its brand new season by letting off some steam about Commando! On this episode, Mike and Kevin discuss the movie that set the template for many Schwarzenegger movies to come, pitch a Weekend at Bernie's sequel that never was, speculate about the nutritional content of Jenny's mystery sandwiches, and debate the usefulness of Speedos in combat situations.
Originally posted 4/6/2016
In the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast we take a break from our break to discuss McBain, the Christopher Walken action film that's in no way related to any cartoon caricatures of any Austrian action heroes whatsoever.
Originally posted 2/27/2016
Come with me if you want to listen to the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we terminate our first season with the film that started it all: The Terminator! In this episode we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's first appearance in his most iconic role, view The Terminator through the lens of the slasher genre, speculate about the methods by which mankind discovered terminator halitosis, and witness the apocalyptic horror that is 1980s fashion.
Originally posted 2/10/2016
The latest episode of the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast is here! Today we take a look at Eraser, the film which caused Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie career to vanish before our very eyes. In this episode we discuss Hollywood's naive depiction of terrorism in 1996, marvel at the ineptitude of the Warner Brothers legal department, witness the arrival of film's CGI revolution in the form of some very poorly-animated alligators, and take an extremely deep dive into the very self-congratulatory IMDB biography of one of Eraser's most bit-part actors.
Originally posted 1/27/2016
We hope you brought your appetite for the latest episode the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast, because today’s main course is our discourse about Stay Hungry! We’ll be serving up our take on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entree into Hollywood, as we stew over the social acceptability of giving and receiving high-tens, peel back the layers of our banjo-playing philosophizing bodybuilding hero, whip up comparisons between Stay Hungry and Caddyshack, until finally coming to a boil over the zaniest bunch of bodybuilders in Birmingham. Bon appetit!
Originally posted 1/13/2016
Listen all of y'all, it's another episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! Join us as we discuss Sabotage, a movie that asks: whodunit, and who cares? In this episode. Mike and Kevin attempt to make sense of one of the most senseless film in Arnold Schwarzenegger's filmography, ponder the effectiveness of the Sacagawea dollar as a death threat, and contemplate Arnold's most nefarious foe yet: Microsoft Excel.
Originally posted 12/30/2015
Alright everyone, chill... the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is here! Tonight's forecast: we turn our icy gaze towards the Dark Knight's most lighthearted romp, Batman & Robin! Mike and Kevin examine Hollywood's polar-opposite approach to comic book movies in the 90s, give the cold shoulder to Alfred's choice in computer passwords, and examine the chilling year in film that was 1997, all while enduring a veritable avalanche of puns.
Originally posted 12/16/2015
Nature and nurture are on a deadly collision course in the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss Twins, Hollywood's most feel-good take on the subject of eugenics yet. In this episode we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's abilities as a comedic actor, marvel at the movie's similarities with 1988's Best Picture winner, and offer up our own rules for crisis situations everywhere.
Originally posted 12/2/2015
Don't touch that dial, we're back for another episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! We haven't been podcasting long, but we're quick learners, and we're here to give the people what we think they want: our conversation about The Running Man. In this episode we try to make sense of the ever-shifting rules of the most popular television program in history, attempt to determine the mathematical relationship between sub-zero and plain zero, and discuss other heavy objects that Arnold might carry over his shoulder.
Originally posted 11/18/2015
Hey, do you want to be a farmer? Well here's a couple of wise-acres talking about Last Action Hero! On the very first episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, we speculate about the cause of Last Action Hero's financial failure, discuss the surprisingly-high body count of one of Arnold's most kid-friendly vehicles, debate Laurence Olivier's effectiveness as a Polaroid spokesman, and take full credit for Charles Dance's entire career.
Originally Posted 11/11/2015
Welcome to the inaugural episode of Bad Puns and Machine Guns, a podcast where two film-obsessed friends embark on a quest to watch and discuss every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie ever made, one by one. In this preview episode, hosts Kevin Kuenn and Mike Olson set up the ground rules for what's to come, while they attempt to think up a name for their new podcast.