Crap Movie Club: Recent Episodes
Crap Movie Club
We review crap movies in a laid-back and slap-dash fashion. If you have low standards for both films and podcasts, then this is the show for you.
Out of the blue we 're back for a brief dance with death as we review Cocaine Bear (2023). This episode features constant mentions of hard drugs - so if you can't bear that, then viewer discretion is advised.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Three things should stay extinct; Dinosaurs, Movie Franchises and Podcasts. Somehow we're back and reviewing this 2022 cash-grab. The movie execs were so preoccupied with the fact they could, they didn't stop to ask if they should...or something.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The podcast that refuses to die releases a much anticipated review of Uncharted. Listen as we find anyway to reference and talk about films we actually like, such as Money Plane, National Treasure and Sonic.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Scream / Scream 5 / 5cream came out earlier in the year and we took a trip to the cinema to see it in 4DX. Granted this happened in January and I'm posting this in April so we can only apologise to the die hard CMC fans who have waited for a new episode with baited breath. All signs point to the show being as dead as Dewey Riley, but really it will linger on like the ghost of Billy Loomis.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The CMC is in session as we review a classic meme of a movie that stars Gary Oldman in 'the role of a lifetime'. Unfortunately nobody told Gary that the role of a lifetime will involve stuffing his lower body into a sofa and attaching two stuffed trouser legs to make him look like a dwarf.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
"When we first started the show, this is the kind of thing we had in mind, so it's been a long time coming". Birdemic (2010) is a D.I.Y horror movie by visionary director James Nguyen. Featuring ear-splitting sound effects, eye watering special effects and head scratching dialogue. This is one not to be missed.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
After a long and unprofessional hiatus, we're back with a look at 2008's Jumper. Some say this is Doug Leman's best work, but Mr & Mrs Smith would like a word with you.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Enjoy listening to our review of this cheesy superhero flick from 1996. Superheroes have come a long way since Billy Zane's portrayal of 'The Phantom'. For one, they no longer use questionable catchphrases like "nobody refuses The Phantom". It's probably for the best.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We deliver on our commitments and complete our review of Netflix's Fear Street trilogy. Find out if the premonitions which Jordan channelled from the spirit realm come true and listen as Tim single-handily unravels the film makers attempt to make the geography of Sunnyville/Shadyside make sense.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We review Fear Street Part 2. It's time for a trip down memory lane for Deena and the gang as they relive the camp nightwing massacre as told by the sole survivor - Gillian Jacobs.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
After a solid month off, we return with a run through of recent Netflix Horror adaption; Fear Street part 1. Includes a new segment "what crappens next?" which sees Jordan channel the supernatural and make a series of premonitions on what he thinks will happen in part 2.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The number 13 is unlucky for some, including for you if you lack the fine taste to listen to our review of this 2001 Horror flop.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We review Phantoms: a very average 1998 Science Fiction / Horror starring a baby faced Ben Affleck, Rose McGowan and Peter O'Toole. Any Jordan fans may be disappointed as this is the first ever episode without him - but Tom fans will feel relieved to know their favourite history boi is present.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
It's a full on Cage Rage - as we review this 2020 straight to streaming sci-fi mash up. A team of Ju Jitsu masters fight an alien invader but not even Nic Cage can save this movie from the trash heap.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We review Twilight with Lauren. It would be too easy to crack loads of vampire jokes in this episode description. I don't want to be a pain in the neck so we will just say that this movie sucks.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Listen as we review 2014 Horror flop 'The Pyramid'. Max is willing to put money on the fact that in real life, there has never been a booby trap in a pyramid.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
A film where you get to see Sean Connery have a fight with the Invisible Man. Tim insists that the word "Extraordinary" is pronounced differently to the phrase "Extra Ordinary" but a poll of our 3 listeners was inconclusive.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Imagine a film about a futuristic sport that involves motorbikes, roller skates and LL Cool J. You just imagined the bad version of Rollerball.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We scrape the bottom of the barrel and review Piranha 3DD. The "DD" is a breast joke and that's about as good as the humour gets in this sloppy as crap creature feature.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Love is in the air as we review Moonstruck - a Rom/Com from 1987 starring Cher and Nic Cage. Super special guest Lauren is back with us and we fail to make it to the end of the episode without offending Italians or people with wooden hands.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We're back and talking about The Happening. M. Night Shyamalan is a director famously known for his twists, but much to Jordan's disappointment there is no real twist in The Happening and Jordan is not someone who is easily disappointed. I hope you're happy M.Night.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
There's a legend in the underworld of a bullet proof casino in the sky. It's the money plane and forget about it being a legend because it's 100% real and the cast are on board it within 15 minutes of this straight-to-streaming heist movie.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The most forgettable film in the Scream franchise is reviewed by the most forgettable Movie podcast. Listen as Max, Tim and Jordan come to the realisation that this film is actually a tragedy about how Cotton Weary's life is ruined by the film's real villain, Sidney Prescott.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Tim hosts as we have a relaxed conversation about upcoming 2021 releases and what we're most looking forward to. Includes lightweight discussion of the following; A Quiet Place 2, Godzilla Vs Kong, Candyman, No Time To Die, Halloween Kills, The Little Things, Spiderman 3, The Matrix 4 and The French Dispatch.
https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
We bring the year to a close by reviewing New Years Eve, in which an ensemble A list cast tell us how to think and feel by pulling on our emotional heartstrings. Tom is back as special guest and thinks the most unbelieve part of this movie is the fact that someone gave away money from the goodness of their heart.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We get festive and laugh our way through Jingle All The Way. This legendary Christmas film stars peak Arnie, as he launches a desperate bid to find the hottest toy and save Christmas from an evil postman. Merry Christmas to everyone, from Crap Movie Club xxx
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Lauren's back and that can mean only one thing - The Kissing Booth 2. Listen as we juggle the highest number of subplots ever seen on film and get caught back up in the crazy life of Elle Evans.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The Crap Movie Club assemble to celebrate one year of the show! In this special episode Jordan plays host and movie exec as Max, Tim, Lauren and Tom pitch their sequel ideas for the Truman Show and attempt to win the favour of our new overlord and his chaotic scoring system.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We get back to our roots and review a terrible dragon-based film in the form of Dragonheart (1996). Sean Connery voices a cgi dragon in this lightweight fantasy romp; Jordan nails the impression time and time again.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We review Bloodshot. It's got Vin Diesel in it so you know what to expect.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Spoiler alert: The monk isn't really bullet proof. Not in the traditional sense anyway and that's not all that's amiss in this 2003 romp starring Sean William Scott as himself and Chow Yun-fat as also himself.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Halloween (2018) is a slasher film where every single bit-part character gets an elaborate backstory so that when they die at the hands of Michael Myers you don't know whether to feel sad, scared or entertained. Crap Movie Club is a podcast where we create episodes so aimless that you also don't know whether to feel sad, scared or entertained.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Our childhoods are in tatters as we discuss Bob Hoskins drunkenly stumbling from scene to scene and the abomination that is Yoshi in this 1993 reimagining of everyone's favourite Plumber. "This is the worst film we've ever done".
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Love is in the air as we review Netflix's 'The Kissing Booth' with familiar faces Max, Tim and Jordan, plus special guest Lauren.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The best portrayal of Venom on the big screen was obviously Topher Grace in Spiderman 3, but we've had to settle for second best as we review 2018's Venom starring Tom Hardy. It's a simple movie and we have simple minds so this is a really great fit, with Max only getting slightly confused at the plot, Tim only having to recall a few niche films/actors and Jordan only having to do a couple of impressions of an intergalactic piece of slime.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
This is hands down the most X-rated movie we have talked about on Crap Movie Club (even more X-rated than Jason X!). Between Worlds is a movie where Nic Cage explores his sexual fantasy of retrieving his dead wife's soul from the afterlife and having sex with it. Try not to throw up.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We're excited for Zack Snyder's cut of the Justice League and to keep ourselves busy, we've had a go at planning our own 'Snyder cuts' for three poor performing movies. Max fixes Pirates of the Caribbean 5, Tom spruces up Tiptoes and Jordan has grand designs for Spiderman 3.
Deep Blue Sea is the quintessential shark movie and there is no debate about it. Just like how Crap Movie Club is the quintessential movie podcast and the kid from Indiana Jones is the quintessential sidekick.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Everything is better when it has an "X" in the name and Jason X is no different. With this 2002 entry featuring a trip forwards in time, a cyborg programmed for sex and countless horny teens to murder, Jason Voorhees has found himself in a literal paradise - now you can experience a literal hell by listening to us try to form a coherent review.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
"This film is worse than CATS" - Jordan
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
In the 80s, McDonald's funded an E.T knock-off and Mac & Me is the result. We watched this so you don't have to. Listen as Max get's confused and thinks that it would be appropriate to swap in a jockey, for any stunts involving an actor in a wheelchair.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We're back and ranking our favourite movie sidekicks, in a bid to find one sidekick to rule them all! Tim's still playing to win and will stop at nothing to see his picks make it to the tippety top - but do Max and Jordan have what it takes to stop him?
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Riki-Oh is a film about one man's journey for revenge and freedom. It contains a climax scene where a guy is fed into a giant meat-grinder and if you do anything today, go check that out on youtube.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The awesomeness of the G.I. Joe franchise is wasted on us as we review the second movie in this adrenaline-pumping series and get super confused about the Joe's recruitment processes. If you don't listen to the full 89 minutes then you clearly wouldn't have what it takes to join such an elite fighting force. Max is super proud with his pitch for G.I. Juniors: The Next Generation.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
The streets of Gotham stink of crime and there are only 3 amateur podcasters capable of cleaning up the filth. Max, Jordan and Tim review 1997's Batman & Robin - a movie with arguably the most erect nipples ever caught on camera.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Things get serious as we rank and assess a slew of movie-based meanies and try to draft our top team of movie henchmen. Tim takes things very seriously as Jordan opts for a different strategy - controlling the scoring system to ensure his picks make it to the top!
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We get spooky and review 'Unfriended' - a horror movie which takes place entirely on webcams. Be thankful you are listening to an audio version because what we saw in chatroullete in the intro is not for the feint of heart.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We welcome Tom to the show as he helps us talk through A Knight's Tale which is "the best sports movie ever made". We learn the definition of the word "anachronism" and enjoy riffing on all of the 4 montages which they crammed in here!
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Jordan acts a sublime host while we discuss Movies based on Video Games. What's worked? What hasn't worked? Which games are crying out to be put on the big screen? All the important questions are answered as the Gamers rise up!
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
This recording may be troubling to anyone who has ever lost a pet, as we run through the trauma of Max's childhood and the movie Homeward Bound.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Another off-the-cuff chat as we talk about the niche movies we are excited to watch on Disney Plus. The riffs are good as Jordan does a really good impression of Matthew Mcconaughey as Inspector Gadget.
We review Battleship. No not the classic board game loved by people of all ages - the 2012 movie starring Rihanna and Liam Neeson. Max apologises for any offence caused by the Rihanna impression.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We are all being responsible and enjoying social distancing, so to keep ourselves from boredom we recorded a bonus episode over Discord! We chat about going to the cinema and what we're going to watch to get through the pandemic.
Sonic mania is in full swing and so we had no choice but to review this amazing and totally not aimed-for-kids film! We realised while recording that we are actually huge sonic fans. Includes a bonus segment in the form of a Sonic based quiz at the end.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We celebrate Valentines Day by watching Valentines Day....Max suggests that they have "re imagined the romcom genre" but Tim and Jordan aren't buying it. BIG SORRY for the dodgy audio at parts but overall it's still a fun ride.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We get really excited while reviewing Spiderman 2, starring Toby Maguire in the most socially awkward portrayal of a superhero ever seen. We ponder why Uncle Ben's eyes are so red, why Peter Parker is so impressionable and who on earth that guy who works at the Daily Bugle is?!
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
With several audio issues included (sorry if you notice anything) we bring to you our review of the film currently taking the world by storm - CATS. Max's singing voice is seriously bad here, while Tim shares his views on "the mercurial nature of cats" and Jordan tells us about the time he left a theatre in disgrace.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
We get into the festive spirit by reviewing Deck The Halls - a terrible Christmas movie starring Matthew Broderick and Danny De Vito as warring neighbours. Tim asks if The Lord of The Rings is a Christmas film "because it has elves in it".
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Max, Jordan and Tim delve into the world of Dungeons and Dragons - a garbage movie from the year 2000. Tim's not happy with the cheesy effects, Jordan is overexcited by Richard O'Brien from the Crystal Maze and Max reveals a little bit too much info about his female alter-ego.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Max, Jordan and Tim run through the 2002 flop, Reign of Fire. Tim reveals himself as a super-fan and Jordan's Mcconaughey impressions get scarily good.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Jordan and Max discuss why they've started a podcast about rubbish films and why "crap" is just a feeling. They also talk about how much of a hipster Tim is and how useless their degrees were when trying to record the show.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth
Tim, Max and Jordan review the South Korean "smash hit" - Dragon Wars. Max is disappointed in the lack of dragons, Tim flexes his CGI muscles when analysing the terrible effects and Jordan's failure to prepare a plot recap results in mild confusion.
- https://www.instagram.com/crapmovieclub/
- Intro Music - Fingerguns by Funkmammoth