Thanks for Sharing: Recent Episodes
Jackie Pack
This is the place for all things recovery, healing, and relationships. We explore a variety of topics with people in recovery and the professionals who help them through personal stories. This podcast will give you a broad look at the aspects of recovery that make a difference.
There's a moment almost everyone knows: someone says something, and before you've even processed it, you're already deciding not to react. You smile. You let it go. And somewhere in that quiet moment, you might be abandoning yourself.In this episode, I talk about the difference between self-abandonment (the pattern) and self-betrayal (the moment-by-moment choice that builds it) — and why understanding that difference matters more than most people realize.
We get into:
→ Why "it's best to just move on" is sometimes wisdom, and sometimes a trauma response wearing wisdom's clothes
→ The beliefs running underneath this pattern — not lovable, don't matter, too much, stay small, won't be accepted if truly known
→ What your body already knows before your mind catches up
→ A real client story that shows what this looks like even inside a good, functioning relationship
→ And a small story from my own dinner table about catching yourself mid-betrayal — and going back to fix it
This isn't about always speaking up. It's about knowing the difference between a real choice and an old belief making the decision for you.
New episode is live — link in bio.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
selfabandonment #selfbetrayal #therapy #mentalhealth #relationships #differentiation #authenticity #innerchild #podcastepisode #healingjourney
Your "difficult" child might just be determined. Your "too much" might just be someone who hasn't finished growing into her enthusiasm yet.In this episode, I talk about the difference between adaptation and development, why the traits that got labeled as problems in childhood (stubborn, dramatic, bossy, shy) were often never the problem at all. They just hadn't matured yet.
We go deep: reparenting, the functional adult, why insight alone doesn't change us, and why healing was never about becoming someone new, but about continuing to grow into who you already were.
New episode is live
link in bio
https://healingpathsrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Helping-the-Authentic-Self-Mature.pdf
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
therapy #reparenting #authenticself #innerchildwork #mentalhealthawareness #healingjourney #familytherapy #podcastepisode
The deepest injury of narcissistic neglect isn't what happened to you. It's what never consistently happened for you. Nobody wondering what you were thinking. Nobody asking what you felt. Nobody staying curious about who you were becoming.And when those thousands of small moments are largely absent, something else develops in their place. Not a self. An adaptation. An identity organized around keeping the peace, managing moods, and becoming whoever the room needed you to be.
If you grew up wondering why you can't answer simple questions about yourself — what you want, what you like, what you feel, this episode is for you.
Today I'm talking about what narcissistic neglect actually does to a developing child, why it so often comes from mothers and goes unrecognized, what develops instead of a healthy sense of self, and why the conversation you want to have with your parent rarely gives you what you're hoping for.
Development doesn't end in childhood. And healing isn't becoming someone different — it's finally uncovering the person who never had enough room to emerge.
Link in bio.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
narcissisticneglect #adultchildrenofnarcissists #attachmenthealing #emotionalneglect #narcissisticmother #therapy #selfhealing #childhoodtrauma #mentalhealth #innerchild
In this episode, Rachel joins Jackie as they dive into the intricacies of early recovery in therapy. In this episode, they discuss the foundational stages of addiction recovery, focusing on the challenges faced by individuals new to therapy. From addressing justification and rationalization to the role of accountability, Jackie and Rachel offer insights into the vital components that set the stage for long-term sobriety and deep recovery. Whether you're a therapist or someone at the beginning of a recovery journey, this conversation serves as a reminder of the importance of revisiting the basics. Tune in to explore how early steps pave the way for meaningful change and lasting growth. Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
That question has been on my mind after two clients asked me to record this episode.
For some of us, touch meant comfort and safety.
For others, it meant obligation, manipulation, or even fear.
Some of us grew up in families that hugged all the time. Others rarely experienced physical affection. And sometimes, it wasn't the presence or absence of touch that mattered most—it was what that touch came to mean.
In this episode, I explore:
What our families teach us about touch
Why healthy relationships respect "not yet"
How our earliest experiences become our first map of relationships
Why our adaptations made sense—and why they don't have to define us
How healing happens one safe relationship at a time
One of the ideas I keep coming back to is this:
Children don't just survive their families. They mistake their families for the whole world.
The good news is that our first map doesn't have to be our final one.
I'd love to hear from you:
What did touch teach you about relationships growing up?
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
Attachment #HealingJourney #TraumaRecovery #Relationships #EmotionalHealth #Therapy #MentalHealth #ChildhoodTrauma #Connection #Boundaries #PersonalGrowth #ThanksForSharingPodcast
Changing your patterns doesn't just change you. It changes the relationships around you. One of the biggest surprises in healing is that being healthier doesn't always feel better, at least not at first. The people around you have learned the old dance just as much as you have. So when you stop over-explaining, caretaking, shutting down, or apologizing for everything, the relationship often wobbles before it finds a new rhythm.
That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.
It means the choreography is changing.
In this final episode of my four-part series, we explore:
• Why healthy change can create tension
• How family systems respond when you break old rules
• Why other people's reactions don't have to determine your growth
• How to stay grounded in your second response, even when others aren't sure what to do with the new you
One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn is this:
Being needed isn't the same as being loved.
Changing that belief didn't just change me; it changed the expectations inside some of my relationships. Growth doesn't happen in isolation. It happens one relationship at a time.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch the full episode on YouTube.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
Healing #Relationships #Attachment #TraumaRecovery #NervousSystem #Differentiation #FamilySystems #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealth #Therapy #CouplesTherapy #Boundaries #EmotionalHealth #ThanksForSharingPodcast
You can understand your pattern completely. You can know exactly where it came from, what it's protecting you from, why it shows up the way it does. And still, in the moment, you do the thing anyway.That's because understanding a pattern and interrupting it are two different skills. And interrupting it and actually replacing it — building something to put in its place — that's a third skill entirely. That's what this episode is about.
The second response isn't a version of you that shows up once you've healed enough. It's a direction. Something small and specific and chosen, built from a value you actually hold, practiced in moments that don't matter so that it's available when they do.
This week: what do you keep losing when the pattern wins? That answer is usually pointing straight at what you're building toward. Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
Understanding your patterns is one thing. Interrupting them in real time is something else entirely. In this episode, we talk about the tiny space between the trigger and the reaction — and how to find it, use it, and slowly make it bigger. Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
Why can you understand your behaviors and still repeat them: You can explain exactly why you do it. And then you do it again. That's not a character flaw. It's the difference between insight and integration, and they are not the same thing.
In this episode, I'm talking about why understanding your patterns doesn't automatically change them, what's actually happening in your nervous system when insight isn't enough, and the real mechanisms that create lasting change — including corrective experience, practicing in activated states, and why repair might be the most underestimated part of healing.
If you've ever thought "I know this stuff, so why do I keep doing it?" — this one's for you.
[link in bio]
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
I said that in a men's group a few years ago — and the room went silent.
Everyone immediately understood what it meant to organize your life around being needed. What surprised me was what came next: when I introduced the idea of being chosen — freely, without obligation — some of the men weren't just skeptical. They weren't sure relationships like that actually existed.
They had seen duty. Obligation. Dependence. But they weren't sure they'd ever witnessed two fully functioning adults who simply wanted each other.
This episode is about the difference between being needed and being loved — and what it costs us when we confuse the two.
New episode is live. Link in bio.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
attachmenttheory #codependency #relationships #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #therapy #beingneeded #beingloved #securelove #selfworth
"All behavior makes sense. And if it doesn't make sense yet — we keep asking questions until it does."
This is one of the phrases I say most in my work, and in this episode I'm unpacking where it actually came from. Not grad school. Life.
I'm sharing two stories that changed how I see people — one from a cassette tape in my car, and one from a borrowed office and a father who asked me point-blank what he smelled like. Both of them taught me the same thing: behavior doesn't live in a vacuum. It lives inside a context. And once you understand the context, almost everything makes sense.
This one is for therapists, parents, and anyone who has ever written someone off before they understood them — including themselves.
New episode is live. Link in bio.
#podcast #therapist #mentalhealth #curiosity #allbehaviormakessense #therapy #selfawareness #attachmenttheory #nervoussystem #healing
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
In this episode, we explore the difference between values and beliefs — and why that distinction matters so deeply in healing, recovery, relationships, and identity.
We talk about:
• Survival beliefs formed in childhood
• The gap between who you want to be and what feels possible
• Compliance-based identities
• Emotional reality being deprioritized in families and systems
• Why coping patterns often hide deeper values
• The voices from the past that still shape how we live and love
• And how healing is often the process of finding your way back to yourself
This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered:
“Is this actually who I am… or just who I had to become?”
Listen now on Thanks for Sharing.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
healing #traumahealing #attachment #betrayaltrauma #therapy #mentalhealth #selfawareness #relationships #innerchildhealing #recovery #emotionalhealth #psychology #healingjourney #codependency #jackiepack
In this episode, we explore the quiet loneliness of being surrounded by people who don't really know you, the fear underneath the masks we wear, and what it ttakes to build the kind of friendship that survives time, change, and all the complicated business of being human. Plus: the girls' weekend nobody talks honestly about, a friendship that didn't just fade but detonated, and a personal reckoning with what it means to be a therapist trying to have friends who aren't. No listicles. Just an honest conversation about one of the most important and most complicated things in a life.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
You did the hard thing. You said it.
And then you felt worse.
That guilt, that dread, that urge to immediately walk it back — that's not a sign you did something wrong.
It's your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do. Just not for the life you're trying to build.
In today's episode, I'm breaking down the 7 reasons the aftermath of a boundary feels like a crisis: the grief, the identity disruption, the fear of abandonment, the cognitive dissonance, and what's actually happening in your body when a familiar dynamic gets disrupted.
Because nobody told us the relief doesn't come right away. And that silence has led many people to give up on themselves too soon.
New episode is out now. Link in bio.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
There’s a moment most people don’t talk about.
When what you believed… stops holding.
Not because you’re broken.
Not because you’ve failed.
But because you can finally see.
Disillusionment isn’t the end of something.
It’s the beginning of seeing clearly.
And the people who have the courage to stay in that space—
not rush to fix it, numb it, or replace it—
are often the ones who understand the world the most deeply.
This episode is about:
• What it means to wake up to reality
• Why disillusionment can feel destabilizing
• And how people who go through it can actually help build something more honest and solid
If you’ve been questioning things lately… this one is for you.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
Why do some people still get to you… even after you’ve done the work?It’s not just about “triggers.”
And it’s not just about setting boundaries either.
Sometimes it’s:
– being around someone you don’t trust
– navigating tension with someone you love
– watching a relationship change in ways you didn’t expect
– or trying to stay grounded when your past and present are both getting activated
This episode is about something deeper than coping:
How we build the capacity to stay connected to ourselves in relationships that feel complicated, unresolved, or emotionally charged.
Because real healing isn’t:
avoiding people
or just getting through interactions
It’s learning how to:
– regulate instead of endure
– stay grounded without shutting down
– protect yourself without abandoning yourself
If relationships have ever made you question yourself, second-guess your reactions, or feel like you lose access to who you are, this one will land.
Link in bio
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
Most people think lying is a choice. But for many people, it doesn’t even pass through conscious thought. It starts in the body. A flush
A tightening
A sense of threat
And the truth doesn’t feel like an option.
In this episode, I talk about something I often say:
“I came by my dishonesty honestly.”
Not to excuse it—
but to understand it.
Because for many of us:
- Truth didn’t always feel safe
- Being fully seen felt risky
- And connection sometimes depended on what we didn’t say
And for partners?
Dishonesty doesn’t just hurt. It makes you question reality.
Was any of this real?
Have they just been telling me what I want to hear?
Wanting honesty isn’t controlling. It’s about trying to build a relationship on something real.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
As the truth reveals itself, it can be very painful. But it also settles you. It settles your nervous system. Because you’re no longer trying to hold together something that doesn’t quite fit.
If this resonates, this episode is for you.
Link in bio
Comment “truth” if this resonated
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
In this episode, I share a conversation I had as a guest on The Wholeness Network, where we talk about patriarchy—not as a buzzword, but as something that quietly shapes how we love, how we show up, and what we believe we’re allowed to need.This shows up in my work all the time:
• men who were never taught emotional depth but are expected to create connection
• women who carry the weight of relational responsibility
• couples who personalize patterns that are actually bigger than both of them
And here’s the tension:
even when the system shaped us… healing is still personal.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same relational patterns and couldn’t quite explain why—this conversation might give you language for that.
Full episode at the link in bio
The Wholeness Network link: https://www.thewholenessnetwork.com/Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
People don’t leave therapy because it’s not working. Sometimes they leave because it’s getting too close to what matters.
And sometimes… they stay. But still feel like something is missing.
You might:
- understand your patterns
- have more awareness
- even be making progress
…but not actually feel different.
That’s not failure. It’s the difference between insight and integration. In this episode, I talk about:
- why “being ready” isn’t enough
- why trauma work requires preparation, not just willingness
- how going too fast can actually reinforce the problem
- why addicts and betrayed partners need different pacing
- and why the relationship—not just the model—matters
Healing doesn’t happen just because you go into the trauma.
It happens when your system can stay open long enough for something new to take hold.
If you’ve ever thought:
“I’ve done a lot of work… so why does this still feel incomplete?”
This episode is for you.
Link in bio
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
We keep asking: How could this happen?But maybe the better question is…
Why are we still surprised?
When the Epstein files resurfaced, I saw a lot of shock, even in professional circles. Names people admired. People who built identities around wisdom, healing, or influence.
I texted my friend Rachel and asked, “Are you surprised?”
Her response:
“I am never surprised when a male spiritual guru, leader, or pastor turns out to be a sexual predator.”
That stopped me. Because I wasn’t surprised either.
But what did surprise me was America’s response.
Why does the conversation here so quickly become political, fragmented, or avoidant?
Why do we focus on individuals instead of systems?
Why do we struggle to hold power accountable—especially when it’s wrapped in wealth, status, or influence?
In this episode, we explore:
- Why Americans may respond differently than other countries
- The psychology of protecting powerful people
- How systems (families, institutions, even nations) often protect themselves first
- And why this isn’t just about Epstein—it’s about all of us
Because the real question isn’t just who did what…It’s what do we do when we see it?
Episode now live
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
epsteinfiles #powerandcontrol #traumainformed #psychologypodcast #healingjourney #betrayaltrauma #relationships #mentalhealthawareness #therapistsofinstagram #systemsthinking #culturalpsychology
Sometimes relationships fall into a confusing pattern. Things feel connected for a while. Conversations are easier. You feel hopeful. And then emotions show up: hurt, stress, vulnerability, and suddenly the other person shuts down.
Many partners assume this means the person doesn’t care.
But often what’s happening is something different.
In this episode, Jackie talks about a pattern she sees frequently in couples called emotional cycling — when someone can access connection for a time but struggles to sustain it when emotional intensity increases.
The good news is that emotional capacity can be learned. Real intimacy doesn’t happen when emotions are avoided. It happens when two people learn how to face them together.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts.
https://www.speakpipe.com/ThanksForSharing
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
relationshiphealth
emotionalintelligence
couplestherapy
attachmenthealing
mentalhealthpodcast
emotionalgrowth
relationships
healingrelationships
Recovery isn’t dramatic most of the time. It isn’t big breakthroughs. It isn’t intense motivation. It isn’t one powerful decision that fixes everything.It’s steady. It’s going to bed when you’d rather “steal time.” It’s feeling shame without escaping it. It’s waking up at 3 a.m. and choosing not to spiral. It’s resisting the urge to future-trip and instead staying in this hour. It’s calling your spouse when you want to isolate. It’s saying, “I need to go through this,” instead of numbing it.
Steady isn’t exciting. But steady builds resilience.
And over time, what once felt haunting begins to quiet, not because life is perfect, but because you’re no longer running from yourself.
Episode 357 is live.
If you’re in the middle of the long game… this one is for you.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
What actually happens after sobriety begins?
Many couples believe that once porn or addictive behaviors stop, the relationship should feel better right away. But for many people, that’s when a deeper layer of healing starts — emotional awareness, reconnecting with the authentic self, and learning how to rebuild safety, security, and trust.
In this episode, I talk about what rebuilding really looks like — both individually and relationally.
Sobriety removes secrecy — but reconnection grows through emotional presence, consistency, and learning how to show up differently with each other over time.
If you’re in the stage where recovery has begun but the relationship still feels fragile, this conversation is for you.
Have a question or something you’d like me to talk about in a future episode?
You can call the show and leave a voicemail or send me an email — I love hearing from you, and your feedback helps shape these conversations.
https://thanksforsharingpodcast.my.canva.site/thanks-for-sharing-links
What happens to the self when parts of life begin living in secrecy?
In this episode of the Thanks for Sharing podcast, we move beyond behavior and beyond relationship impact to explore how porn can shape identity, emotional development, and connection.
We talk about:
• how compartmentalization forms in the brain and nervous system
• why dopamine can reinforce a “secret self”
• what young men need to understand about relational risk and resilience
• how partners often sense misalignment long before discovery
• the difference between shame and responsibility
• and how healing begins through development of the authentic self
This episode is part of an ongoing series:
Episode 1 — Regulation & the brain
Episode 2 — Relational impact & betrayal
Episode 3 — Development of the self (this episode)
Have a question or thought? I’ve added a place in my Linktree where you can send a message or leave a voicemail for a future episode. (you can stay anonymous)
Listen now — link in bio.
ThanksForSharingPodcast #AuthenticSelf #AttachmentHealing #PornRecovery #BetrayalTrauma #TherapyPodcast #MentalHealthEducation #HealingJourney
In this episode, we explore how porn reshapes relationships, not just behavior.
We talk about how porn:
- quietly reorganizes relationships around absence
- impacts the partner’s nervous system and sense of safety
- often feels like cheating, even when there’s no physical affair
- contributes to loneliness, emotional withdrawal, and loss of self in partners
- shapes expectations of intimacy and attitudes toward women
- creates predictability that looks like safety—but isn’t
We also explore why time alone doesn’t build security in relationships and why repair, not perfection, actually creates safety.
This conversation isn’t about blame or shame. It’s about understanding why things feel the way they do and what helps people rebuild capacity for intimacy, presence, and connection.
Whether you’re navigating porn use, supporting a partner, or trying to make sense of distance in your relationship, this episode offers language for experiences that are often difficult to name.
In this episode, we explore why porn is so compelling, why willpower usually fails, and why intelligent, caring people struggle with it even when it conflicts with their values or relationships. This conversation moves beyond shame and into understanding how novelty, dopamine, attachment, and emotional regulation intersect, and why real change starts with compassion, not control.
We recorded this episode planning to talk about current events, and the conversation didn't go exactly where we planned, and that's why it matters. Instead, we found ourselves talking about how people are actually living inside all of this, the personal experiences and stories that impact us. Politics. Gender. Fear. Fatigue. Misunderstanding.
This wasn’t a debate. It was a conversation about what it costs us to stay polarized — and what it might take to repair. What part of this conversation stayed with you the most?
Where do you feel the divide showing up in your own life — relationships, family, friendships?
It sounds reasonable.
It sounds like:
• “This makes sense.”
• “This is normal.”
• “I already know why I do this.”
In this episode, I explore how rationalization and minimization quietly protect comfort, certainty, and the need to feel right — especially for smart, thoughtful people.
Defensiveness doesn’t always look like anger.
Sometimes it looks like minimizing, mocking, dismissing, or explaining things away.
In this episode, I talk about:
• why people get defensive
• how avoidance can be loud or quiet
• how to respond without escalating
• and the red flags that mean a boundary has been crossed
If you’ve ever felt shut down for asking a real question, this one’s for you.
Rachel and I talk about why so many of us feel pressure to know what comes next, and how real change tends to happen without announcements. We explore how moves, family dynamics, and internal shifts quietly reorient us long before we name them.
If you’re entering this year without goals or certainty, this conversation offers permission to slow down.
Listen now.
As this year comes to a close, there’s pressure to reflect, resolve, and reset. But not everything we live through gets neatly wrapped up. In this episode, I talk about what it means to move forward without closure, why waiting for it can keep us stuck, and how grief, loss, and complicated family dynamics shape what we carry and what we lay down.This isn’t an episode about resolutions. It’s about honesty. About integration. About letting a year end without forcing meaning too soon.
When one partner grows faster, it doesn’t mean the relationship is failing. Uneven healing is one of the most painful dynamics couples face.
One partner finds language, boundaries, and insight.
The other is still trying to feel safe.
This episode isn’t about who’s “ahead.”
It’s about how healing actually unfolds, and how couples stay connected when growth isn’t synchronized.
Because growth isn’t a competition, and pressure isn’t intimacy.
If this feels familiar, this episode is for you.
Listen, reflect, and notice what lands.
In this episode, we go into the identity shifts that happen in relational recovery, for betrayed partners, for CPTSD survivors, and for the partners who are healing from addiction or avoidance. When recovery is real, identity shifts happen beneath the surface. And they can feel terrifying, confusing, and unfamiliar, even when they’re healthy If you’ve ever felt your body tense even when your partner is doing everything right… This episode explains why. If you’ve ever felt scared by something that was actually good… this is for you.
Save & share.
Full episode in bio.
Have you ever made a decision or taken a step in your healing that terrified you, only to realize later it was the best thing you've ever done? Today we’re talking about why healing so often feels uncomfortable, why your brain resists the exact things that help you grow, and how to tell the difference between the discomfort that sets you free and the discomfort that keeps you stuck. In this episode, Jackie unpacks The Discomfort Paradox—the surprising truth that the hardest, scariest parts of healing are often the ones that finally move us forward. If this episode stirred something in you—an old story, a new awareness, or a pattern you’re finally ready to shift—take a moment to ask yourself:
Is this discomfort healing or harmful?
That single question can change your trajectory.
If this episode resonated with you, share the episode with someone who might need it today.
Family roles aren't personality traits. They are survival strategies. In this episode, Jackie talks about how these roles form within the Child Self, the Adaptive Child Self, and the Functional Adult Self framework. And how healthy families do it differently. If you grew up in a role you’re trying to outgrow, if you lose your Adult Self around family, and if you’re trying to break generational patterns, this episode is for you. This episode will help you understand why you became who you had to be, and how to become who you want to be now.
In this week’s episode, I explore how identity is built: the parts we inherit, the roles we perform to survive, the stories we are never allowed to tell, and the parts of us that only come alive when we finally feel safe. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel the way you do… or why it’s so hard to change old patterns…this episode will help you understand your story with more compassion and clarity.
Tune in wherever you listen to podcasts.
Reflect on the stories that shaped you.
And ask yourself with curiosity — not shame — “Who am I becoming?”
Emotional pain isn’t random. It’s inherited, absorbed, reenacted, and carried on. n this episode, we trace heartbreak, betrayal, childhood trauma, and addiction back to their emotional roots… and explore what it actually takes to heal the younger self still holding the pain. Emotional pain is never “just emotional.” Your brain responds to heartbreak, betrayal, childhood wounds, and even addiction with the same neural alarm system it uses for physical injury. This episode is an invitation to understand your pain instead of judging it — and to reclaim the younger parts of you that still need your voice, protection, and compassion.
Not as a headline or scandal, but as a blueprint of how power preys on vulnerability… and how society lets it happen.
This episode is not about conspiracy theories or sensational stories. It’s about trauma. It’s about power. Epstein wasn’t a scandal. He was a warning. This episode explores why society protects powerful men, why victims don’t “run,” and why girls were the currency of elite dominance — not partners. This isn’t about sex. It’s about power, trauma, and cultural blindness.
Accountability is one of the strongest predictors of emotional safety. In this episode, I reveal 8 evidence-based green flags that show someone is capable of healthy love — not just interested in it. These are the relational patterns that build safety → security → trust → love → shared meaning.
You’ll also learn why saying “I love you” every night isn’t a sign of security—but respecting your pace and boundaries is.
🎧 Listen now and recalibrate your relationship radar. Whether you’re dating, healing, or 20 years into marriage, this episode will give you the roadmap to building love that’s safe, stable, and transformative.
We love to say “We have good sex.” But what if what we’re calling good is actually trauma, anxiety, emotional distance, or porn conditioning disguised as intimacy? In this episode, I’m asking the uncomfortable question most couples avoid: “Is it really good sex—or just intense sex?” Great orgasms don’t equal great intimacy. The real question isn’t “how often are you having sex?” but “do you feel safe, seen, and connected afterward?” If sex is the only time you feel close in your relationship—this episode is for you. Hit play now and reclaim your sexual truth.
Follow, review, or message me your takeaways—this conversation is just getting started.
We’re more “connected” than ever—yet lonelier than we’ve ever been. Loneliness has become an epidemic.
We’ve traded real community for scrolling, and honest connection for performative belonging.
And it’s hitting young men the hardest.
In this week’s episode, Jackie unpacks the roots of loneliness, what it’s doing to our bodies and minds, and why vulnerability—not toughness—is the way out.
- Listen now on your favorite podcast app and start your own conversation about connection.
- Share this episode with someone who might need the reminder: you don’t have to do life alone.
In this episode of Thanks for Sharing, I explore what trauma bonding really is, how it forms, and why it’s so difficult to break free. We’ll discuss the psychology behind it, the subtle ways it can manifest (not just in extreme cases), and what healing can entail.
If you’ve ever wondered why you—or someone you care about—feel stuck in a painful relationship cycle, this episode will give you clarity, compassion, and a path forward.
Listen now on your favorite podcast app. Link in bio
Why are so many young men feeling more alone than ever—despite living in the most connected age in history? In this episode, we tackle the loneliness epidemic head-on and explore what fathers, sons, and communities can do to build real connection and courage."
In this episode, Jackie sits down with Carver Brown to talk about the unique challenges young men face in today’s world. Together, they unpack the distinction between healthy solitude and painful isolation, and why community is crucial.
Don’t miss this episode—it’s a conversation that matters for all of us. Listen now, and then share it with someone who needs a reminder that they’re not alone. And if this message resonates with you, hit subscribe so you never miss future episodes that dive deep into recovery, connection, and living with purpose.
https://youtu.be/c8BOdf5drsA?si=iDaV-C8tnFHo1Xfj
What happens when anger and sexuality collide? In this episode, Jackie unpacks eroticized rage—a painful fusion of anger and arousal rooted in childhood trauma. She explores how disrupted attachment and unhealed wounds manifest in adult relationships, and why understanding the distinction between anger and rage is crucial for healing. Listen now to learn how to break the cycle and move toward safer, healthier intimacy.
In this episode, we dive into how to approach tough talks with compassion, clarity, and courage, so you can protect safety and grow trust in your most important relationships.
What do a psychologist, a smartphone, and a fractured family all have in common? They’re at the center of the struggles today’s teens are facing—and Netflix’s Adolescents pulls no punches in showing us why.
In Part Two of our conversation on Adolescents, Jackie Pack and Rachel Allen dig deeper into the psychological and societal layers of the series. From the delicate role of psychologists in building trust, to how technology fuels youth behavior, to the ripple effects of crime inside families—we break it all down. We also explore how parents and teens can open up conversations about masculinity, identity, and the modern pressures shaping adolescence.
Don’t just watch the series—understand it. Tune into Part Two now and join us as we unpack what’s really happening beneath the surface of growing up today.
What happens when a raw coming-of-age story collides with the hard truths of bullying, violence, and fractured families? Netflix’s Adolescents isn’t just a show—it’s a mirror to the struggles our youth face today.
In this episode, we dive into the first three episodes of the Netflix series Adolescents. From its striking filming style to the layered psychology of its characters, we unpack how the show shines a light on youth violence, the weight of parental roles, and the hidden realities of adolescence. This isn’t just entertainment—it’s a conversation starter about the challenges shaping the next generation.
Tune in now and join the conversation—because understanding the world of our teens means rethinking the world we’re building for them. Listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts.
This episode explores how childhood dynamics can lead to self-abandonment and self-betrayal—and how to start healing and reclaiming authenticity.
https://healingpathsrecovery.com/couples-workshop-beyond-words/
In this powerful conversation, therapist Adam Nisenson, LMFT, CSAT, opens up about the often-ignored reality of men navigating betrayal. He shares both his personal journey and professional insights into:
The unique challenges men face when society tells them to “be strong” instead of vulnerable
The stages of healing after betrayal
How support systems and safe connections help men reclaim their self-worth
Why embracing vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s transformative power
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who wants to better understand men’s healing journeys and the courage it takes to face betrayal with honesty and heart.
Tune in now and explore the path from pain to resilience.
ContentIn this episode of Thanks for Sharing, Jackie Pack breaks down the myths around relapse in recovery. Rather than seeing relapse as failure, Jackie explains how it reveals when the addictive system is pulling you back—and how the renewal cycle offers a way forward.
You’ll hear why relapse can become a powerful teacher, how resilience and empowered thinking can shift the narrative, and why leaning into community support is essential for lasting change. This episode invites you to reframe relapse as not the end of recovery, but as a chance to grow, reset, and deepen your commitment to healing.
If you’ve ever felt discouraged by relapse—or worried about it—this conversation is for you. Tune in now, and let’s explore how recovery can become stronger than the setback.
Listen to the full episode of Recovery v. Relapse wherever you get your podcasts.
Jackie Pack Mon, Aug 11, 3:00 PM (22 hours ago) to me What happens when two people not only survive the wreckage of addiction but turn their healing into a lifeline for others? In this episode, Josh and Charlene Lewis share how their personal recovery journeys inspired Return to Intimacy, a program helping couples rebuild connection after betrayal.
Addiction doesn’t just damage trust—it can shatter intimacy at its core. But recovery, when approached with honesty, courage, and the right tools, can become the pathway back to deeper connection than ever before.
A stolen kiss at a Coldplay concert went viral — but what happens after the jumbotron turns off? Beneath the internet outrage are real people: the betrayed, the betrayer, and a story far more complicated than the headlines.
In this episode, Jackie Pack sits down with fellow Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Tal Prince to unpack the Coldplay kiss cam video that set social media ablaze. Together, they explore the hidden realities behind public betrayal — how to support both the betrayed and the betrayer, why rushing to judgment causes more harm, and what true healing looks like. We dig into affair recovery, emotional honesty, and the difficult but essential work of holding space for all sides when trust is broken.
Listen now and learn what it really takes to move through betrayal — whether you’ve been betrayed, have betrayed, or are walking with someone through the aftermath. Available on Thanks for Sharing: Recovery, Healing & Relationships wherever you get your podcasts.
In this episode of Thanks for Sharing, Jackie unpacks the complexity of anxiety:– Why does it often show up in your 40s
– How it intertwines with trauma, depression, and certain personality traits
– What your body might be trying to tell you
– And how therapy, medication, and compassion—not judgment—pave the path to healing.
This conversation goes beyond quick fixes and gets honest about what it means to live with, and work thro What’s one thing anxiety has taught you about yourself? ugh, anxiety in a world that often rewards numbing over feeling.
Tune in now to understand your anxiety with more clarity and compassion.
Thanks for Sharing – available wherever you get your podcasts.
Tag someone who needs this episode.
What’s one thing anxiety has taught you about yourself?
What if the fear of getting in trouble isn’t about now, but about then?
In this episode, Jackie unpacks a powerful truth many adults need to hear: Functional adults don’t “get in trouble.”But if you grew up with shame-based discipline, that fear can still run the show—causing you to shrink, lash out, or disappear when you make a mistake.
We explore:
Why emotional flashbacks feel like punishment
How unresolved childhood shame keeps us stuck
What real accountability looks like in adult relationships
Why learning emotional regulation is more powerful than punishment
If you find yourself avoiding conflict, feeling like you’re “bad” for messing up, or overcorrecting your kids because you weren’t allowed to mess up growing up, this episode is for you. Listen now to Adults Don’t Get in Trouble—available wherever you get your podcasts. Tap the link in bio to tune in and start reclaiming your functional adulthood.
AdultsDontGetInTrouble #EmotionalRegulation #ShameRecovery #HealingChildhoodWounds #FunctionalAdulthood #JackiePackPodcast #InnerChildHealing #TherapistOnAir
Why Men Are Afraid of WomenWhat if fear—not hatred or indifference—is what’s driving the disconnection between men and women?
In this episode, Jackie sits down with Gary Katz, LCSW, CSAT, to explore a surprising but deeply human truth: many men are afraid of women. But not in the way you might think.
We talk about:
- What men are actually afraid of when it comes to women
- How early attachment wounds and social messaging shape male fear
- The link between fear, control, and intimacy avoidance
- How this fear shows up in sex addiction, betrayal, and emotional disconnection
- What healing looks like—for both men and the people who love them
This is a nuanced and honest conversation about masculinity, shame, vulnerability, and the path forward. Whether you’re a man trying to make sense of your own fear or someone impacted by it, this episode offers insight and compassion for the work ahead.
Hit play to listen now. Drop a comment if this episode helped you see something new.
Don’t forget to subscribe and share with someone who needs to hear this. Resources: visit intimacyrecovery.com for more information on Gary's work and upcoming events. Follow Therapy Tribe on Instagram for updates and community events.
In this episode, Jackie explores the concept of differentiation, which is the ability to be your own person while maintaining connections with others. Jackie emphasizes the importance of emotional self-regulation, balancing personal needs with those of others, and the journey of self-discovery. She discusses the challenges of false differentiation, where individuals may assert their independence in ways that are not genuinely reflective of their true selves, and offers practical steps for developing differentiation.
In this conversation, Zoey Charif discusses her journey from studying criminology to exploring the complexities of relationships, with a particular focus on self-worth, values, and communication. She introduces her framework for understanding relationship dynamics, including the importance of self-awareness and the impact of family backgrounds. She also covers the significance of recognizing patterns in attraction and the necessity of ongoing work in relationships to maintain a healthy connection.
In this conversation, Jackie and Rachel discuss the impact of large corporate mental health platforms on the therapy field. They examine the rise of teletherapy during the COVID-19 pandemic, the business models of these platforms, and the ethical concerns surrounding therapist qualifications and client access to care. The discussion also touches on the quality of therapy provided through these platforms, the implications of AI in mental health, and the future of therapy in a rapidly changing landscape.
In this podcast episode, Jackie interviews Cody Smith, a newer intern at Healing Paths, who shares his journey into addiction recovery work. They discuss the concept of self-sabotage in recovery, exploring how behaviors can hinder progress and the importance of understanding the underlying issues.
In this episode, Jackie talks about primary and secondary emotions, exploring how they shape our reactions and relationships. She emphasizes the importance of understanding these emotions to foster healthier connections and navigate conflicts. This episode also highlights the impact of trauma on emotional responses and the role of memory networks in processing emotions.
A Process Addiction. In this episode, Jackie delves into the complexities of sex addiction as a form of process addiction, exploring its connections to emotional regulation, trauma, and mental health. She discusses the stigma surrounding sex addiction, the cycle of addiction, and the importance of effective therapeutic approaches for recovery. The approach to treatment is not the same for all sex addicts, and it's essential to know the difference.
In this episode, Jackie shares a story about a conversation with a father concerned about raising his sons in today's digital world, particularly regarding the impact of social media and shame on adolescent sexuality. By being an 'askable adult', parents can foster a supportive atmosphere where teens feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics. The conversation highlights the significance of empathy, boundaries, and trust in navigating digital interactions, ultimately aiming to empower parents and teens to engage in healthy discussions about sexuality.
In this episode, Jackie discusses the concepts of first order change and second-order change, particularly in the context of addiction and recovery. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the difference between superficial changes that do not address underlying issues and deeper, transformational changes that can lead to lasting recovery.
In this episode, Jackie delves into the phases of healing betrayal in relationships, highlighting the significance of individual therapy before couples therapy. Jackie explains the "full disclosure" process in recovery, stressing the need for honesty and emotional regulation. She describes the work done in phase 3 for the couple, highlighting the transformative journey couples undergo as they learn to communicate effectively and address deeper relationship dynamics.#podcast #betrayaltraumarecovery #sexaddictionrecovery Register for Online Workshop Breaking the Cycle of Relapse: https://buy.stripe.com/dR629h4og6mG3Wo6op
In this episode, Jackie discussed the complexities of healing from sex addiction and betrayal trauma within relationships. She emphasized the importance of individual therapy before beginning joint sessions, explaining that fixing the relationship alone does ot address the underlying issues of addiction or the trauma of betrayal. Jackie illustrates the journey of recovery and the steps needed to rebuild trust and intimacy in relationships affected by sex addiction.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel discuss the ongoing legal situation surrounding Jodi Hidebrandt, exploring themes of accountability and the complexities of the justice system. They then pivot to a deeper conversation about betrayal trauma, its impact on relationships, and the process of rebuilding trust after betrayal. They discuss the importance of personal accountability, understanding trustworthiness, and the necessity of self-trust in the healing process. Link to ted talk discussed in the podcast: https://www.ted.com/talks/onora_o_neill_what_we_don_t_understand_about_trust?language=en
In this episode, Jackie discusses the importance of recognizing and reclaiming our wants and needs, drawing from the work of Pia Melody and other experts in the field of trauma and attachment. She explores how childhood conditioning and trauma can lead to disconnection from our true selves, resulting in emotional difficulties and becoming needless and wantless.
In this episode, Jackie delves into the topic of women's safety. She examines how it is perceived differently by men and women. She discusses the importance of understanding safety needs, the role of boundaries in creating safety, and the impact of betrayal trauma on a woman's sense of safety.
In this episode, Jackie delves into the concept of gentle parenting, as well as the myths surrounding it. She also addresses objections parents may have regarding gentle parenting, advocating for a gentle approach that involves setting clear limits while fostering a strong connection with children.
In this episode, Jackie is joined by her partner Jeff as they discuss the arc of their relationship over the past 32 years of marriage. They discuss the pros and cons of being married to a therapist, the hard and rewarding work of parenting, and the continuing work of connecting and growing the relationship with each other.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel delve into the complexities of parenting, ethics in therapy, and the impact of cultural pressures on family dynamics. They discuss the documentary The Devil in My Family, which explores the unethical practices of Jodi Hildebrandt, the exploitation of family vlogging, and the implications of attachment wounds in relationships. The episode also highlights the impact of trauma on individuals and families, emphasizing the need for societal responsibility in preventing such abuses and fostering healthier environments for parenting and personal development.
In this episode, Jackie and Bridget discuss Bridget's experience taking a community class with her boyfriend that turned out to be filled with outdated and problematic advice. They critique the class content and the gender stereotypes presented, while also reflecting on the broader implications of patriarchy on emotional expression in relationships.
The conversation delves into the complexities of sexual needs and arousal in relationships, emphasizing the misunderstandings between male and female perspectives. It highlights the importance of communication, consent, and emotional needs, while challenging societal myths surrounding male sexuality and female arousal.
In this conversation, Jackie Pack and Erin Snow delve into the complexities of betrayal trauma, the impact of enmeshment on male clients, and the importance of authenticity in recovery. They explore the complexities of recovery from addiction, the impact of childhood trauma, and the importance of building supportive relationships. They discuss mother enmeshment, attachment, and the role of core beliefs in shaping one's identity, emphasizing the journey of self-discovery and the integration of sexuality and spirituality in healing.
In this episode, Jackie is a guest on The Wholeness Network with Mechelle Wingle. This conversation delves into attachment theory, exploring its origins with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the different attachment styles, and their implications in various relationships, including family, friendships, and romantic partnerships. The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding one's attachment style for personal growth and improving relationships. Ultimately, they explore the concept of wholeness in therapy, advocating for an integrated approach to mental health.
In this episode, Jackie explores the concepts of resistance and dissent, drawing from her experiences as a mental health professional and business owner. She reflects on her journey of learning to balance trust in her team with the necessity of engaging in difficult conversations. The discussion delves into the nature of resistance, its psychological roots, and how it can hinder personal growth. Jackie emphasizes the importance of dissent in asserting one's values and fostering authentic connections.
In this episode, Jackie Pack explores the complex nature of lying, its psychological roots, and its implications on relationships and self-perception. The conversation delves into why children lie, the development of lying into adulthood, and the interplay between lying and the potential for change. Jackie emphasizes the importance of honesty and accountability in fostering genuine transformation while also addressing the phenomenon of self-deception and its psychological benefits.
In this conversation, Jackie and Rachel explore the profound impact of addiction on fatherhood and parenting. They discuss how addiction can lead to fathers stepping away from their parenting responsibilities, the emotional toll of an absent father, and the importance of fathers in their children's lives. The conversation also delves into personal experiences with the father's absence, the differences in parenting styles between mothers and fathers, and the significance of risk-taking in child development. They emphasize the need for recovery to be present as a parent and the complexities of navigating parenting roles after addiction.
In this episode, Jackie reflects on the political landscape following Donald Trump's second inauguration, discussing the anxiety felt by many and the importance of understanding the historical context of distrust in government. She emphasizes the need for citizens to take responsibility for their government and engage with diverse perspectives, while also addressing the impact of branding and perception in politics. The conversation culminates in a discussion about the challenges facing the Democratic party and the implications of proposed voter protection laws. In this conversation, Jackie discusses the implications of voter ID laws, the disconnect between political policies and the values that drive them, and the importance of grassroots movements in fostering community engagement. She emphasizes the need to reclaim common sense principles and highlights a powerful case study in activism against rape culture, illustrating how one woman's story can spark significant societal change.
In this conversation, Jackie and her daughters explore the complexities of family dynamics and the influence of their mother's work as a therapist. They reflect on their childhood experiences, the importance of open communication about sex and relationships, and the lessons learned about emotional intelligence and self-awareness. The discussion highlights the challenges of societal expectations and therapy's role in navigating personal growth and family relationships.
In this episode, Jackie explores the history and evolution of social work, highlighting its roots in community care and the systemic issues that social workers address today. Jackie emphasizes the importance of understanding systemic issues and the role of social workers in creating meaningful change within communities.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel discuss the importance of autonomy and connection in healthy relationships.
This conversation delves into the tragic shooting of Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, by Luigi Mangione, exploring the broader implications of healthcare frustrations, mental health issues, and society reactions. It highlights the complex interplay between individual struggles and systemic failures, emphasizing the need for a compassionate approach to healthcare that addresses both physical and psychological needs.
In this episode, Jackie talks about healthy shame, shamelessness, emotions and the adventure that it is to go on a cruise!
In this conversation, Jackie and Bridget delve into the concepts of induced and carried feelings, exploring how these emotions are often a result of parental influence and unresolved issues.
In this episode, Jackie explores the complex journey of recovering relationships affected by sex addiction.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the differences between PTSD and CPTSD when diagnosing and healing.
In this episode, Jackie talks about normalcy bias. How it can comfort us while also bypassing necessary steps that need to be taken.
In this episode, Jackie talks about this very specific type of abuse that happens in relationships.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel discuss the drama triangle. A lot of conflict happens in the drama triangle, although most people don't recognize that and they don't know how to get out of it.
In this episode, Jackie talks to Dion Harris about his thoughts on the masculinity crisis with emerging adult males.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel discuss The 5 Love Languages. They cover the oversimplified messages, the problems with this approach, and the complexity of working with couples.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the difficulty for new clients to find therapists with availability and even harder finding a therapist who accepts their insurance. Why do so many therapists refuse to work with insurance? This episode outlines the problems with insurance and therapy.
In this episode, Jackie breaks down the differences between healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger and the importance of healthy anger.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel continue discussing the shift from ownership to partnership in marriage and long-term relationships.
In this episode, Jackie talks about emotional labor, mental labor, and the importance of this work and its impact on our culture, relationships, and our mental health.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the work of Dr. Jennifer Freyd on betrayal trauma and its relationship to betrayal blindness.
In this episode, Jackie introduces Bridget to listeners as they talk about two documentaries covering the Ashley Madison hack.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel set the stage for discussing ownership vs. partnership relationship models.
In this episode, Jackie talks attachment styles, healing insecure attachment and learning the language of attachment.
In this episode, Jackie talks about wants and needs and the patterns that are created and continue into adulthood. Patterns that can and should be addressed in order to have a different storyline.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel wrap up their series on intimacy, discussing the myths that make intimacy difficult.
In this episode Jackie talks about the impact of family dysfunction. We like to think that what happened in our past doesn't affect our adult lives. However, One of the most significant triggers for childhood relationship trauma are adult relationships. Understanding how childhood trauma impacts us is key to being able to heal the wounds and become emotionally literate.
In this episode, Jackie talks about what has been occupying her attention lately and the lyrics of the George Michael song Freedom.
In this episode Jackie talks about compartmentalization and how it can be both an effective coping mechanism and can also become problematic.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel continue their series of episodes focused on intimacy. In this episode, we talk about how certainty and predictability are barriers to intimacy.
In this episode, Jackie talks about triggers. She talks about what triggers are and how they get talked about incorrectly.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the importance of facing our pain and allowing the sadness to guide our healing.
In this episode, Jackie is joined by Rachel Allen as they discuss Reconstruction following a Deconstruction process.
In this episode, Jackie introduces listeners to one of her colleagues and soon to be regular guest on the podcast Ethan. In this episode, Jackie and Ethan talk about what it means to be a trauma-informed therapist. What it means for clients and what it means for the therapist.
In this episode Jackie shares the thoughts and emotions that are currently coming up after attending two funerals.
Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/rss/Jackie690?auth=FiL88Xqp9yNB1t6gIh6AE-l7de_enwLQ
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel have a discussion about what works and doesn't work for those who are trying to stop watching porn.
In this episode, Jackie looks at what constitutes porn, what porn addiction is and what sex addiction is, and how it is treated by CSAT professionals.
In this episode, Jackie and Rachel expand on the unhealthy family systems to look at how toxic family systems can misuse or abuse with religious doctrines and practices.
In this episode Jackie and Rachel talk about local and national new stories about Utah therapists who are in trouble for unethical behaviors with clients. They cover red flags clients need to be aware of when working with a therapist.
In this episode Jackie talks about the power of reparenting as part of our healing journey.
In this episode Jackie and Rachel talk about Arousal Templates: how they develop, what contributes to them and how they play out in both functional and dysfunctional ways.
In this episode Jackie talks about signs of unhealthy religious systems and how they make family dysfunction more complex.
Most of us are familiar with the concept of our inner child. In this episode, Jackie talks about the importance of developing a balance between our inner child and our inner adult in order to function properly as our authentic selves.
In this episode Jackie and Rachel continue talking about spiritual deconstruction and widen the discussion to include deconstruction around many messages we receive.
In this episode Jackie talks about traits and characteristics of healthy family systems.
In this episode, Jackie is joined by friend and colleague Rachel Allen to talk about the process of spiritual deconstruction. We are seeing higher numbers of clients bring their process of deconstruction into the therapy sessions, and there is little to no training for therapists to learn how to support clients during this process.
In this episode, Jackie talks about disengaged family systems. Disengaged family systems have a way of powerful shame around emotional needs our need for love and connection. This family system has a powerful impact on the children raised in them and continues into adulthood until the wounds have been faced and the beliefs that stem from this family system are challenged.
In this episode, Jackie talks about enmeshed family systems. Jackie talks in more detail about what enmeshed families are, what they look like, and what they feel like. The short-term and long-term problems associated with enmeshed families and how to begin the healing journey.
In this episode, Jackie talks about structural family therapy concepts and the types of families identified by Salvador Mnuchin: healthy/adaptive, disengaged, enmeshed. This episode is an overview of the types of families and structural family therapy concepts.
In this podcast episode, Jackie talks about attachment styles, what they are, how they form and how they can impact us in our adult relationships. This episode is another lens to view ourselves and our relationship patterns in a way that can help us understand and change what needs to change for us to heal our attachment wounds and form secure and healthy relationships.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the often hidden and unknown condition of childhood emotional neglect. Our parents may understand the importance of providing for our physical needs as children, but when our emotional needs are neglected and not attuned to, we grow up feeling off. We may question our feelings and our needs, we might struggle with self-esteem, and are unable to take appropriate risks. And we may feel disconnected and empty and not understood.
In this final episode in the series on developing a solid sense of self, Jackie talks about how we develop a solid sense of self. Jackie looks at what researchers in neuroscience are saying about how a self is developed and what trauma research tells us about healing in order to develop a solid sense of self.
In this episode Jackie talks about self-care and how to approach caring for the self in a way that supports building a "self" and reinforcing the value and worth of who we are. Self-care can be misunderstood or substituted as a hobby or a bubble bath or golfing. Those may be things we enjoy and like to do, but is that self-care?
In this episode, Jackie continues talking about developing the self. The need to find the lapse in our story caused by adversity or trauma and finishing what is left unfinished in us. Jackie borrows from great thinkers, writers, and psychoanalysts, and what they have discovered and written about this process.
In this episode, Jackie takes a lot of writings from Dr. Gabor Mate to help us understand ourselves from the perspectives we don't typically look at ourselves or our stories from.
In this episode Jackie continues her series on developing a solid sense of self. In this episode, Jackie explores some of the reasons we may not have developed a solid sense of self and how we can start to work on understanding our story and becoming more of ourselves.
In this episode Jackie continues her series on developing a solid sense of self. In this episode, Jackie explores some of the reasons we may not have developed a solid sense of self and how we can start to work on understanding our story and becoming more of ourselves.
This is episode 2 in a series on "self". In this episode, Jackie talks about what goes awry in developing a sense of self, what it can look like when we don't have a functional sense of self and why having a functional sense of self is so critical in having a healthy and meaningful life.
This is episode 2 in a series on "self". In this episode, Jackie talks about what goes awry in developing a sense of self, what it can look like when we don't have a functional sense of self and why having a functional sense of self is so critical in having a healthy and meaningful life.
In this episode, Jackie kicks off a series on developing the self, barriers to developing a self, what self-care even means and how to recognize when our childhood trauma story surfaces in our adult life.
In this episode, Jackie kicks off a series on developing the self, barriers to developing a self, what self-care even means and how to recognize when our childhood trauma story surfaces in our adult life.
In this episode, Jackie, circles back to episode 228 and talks about the courtship dimensions seven through twelve. These dimensions were identified by Dr. Patrick Carnes and are part of developing and maintaining healthy and meaningful relationships.
Click on the link below to listen to Episode 228.
https://thanksforsharing.podbean.com/e/episode-228-courtship-dimensions
In this episode Jackie talks about the 100 deadliest days of Summer on highways and roads throughout the United States where fatalities from car accidents see a sharp increase. Why does this happen? Does heat have an impact on conflict and violence and how does this relate to recovery?
In this episode, Jackie talks about the reversal of Roe and our ability as humans to not see what is right in front of us. This ability impacts the plight of women in many ways and with the reversal of these constitutional rights that recognized a woman's ability to make choices for her body and her life. With this reversal what will be the impact going forward? We do not know because we have not been to this place before in the history of the United States where rights that have been given are revoked. Can we understand the plight of women from how they have been viewed through the patriarchal lens? Perhaps? Can we learn why progress on issues that impact women has been slow or nonexistent? That is the hope with this episode.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the vulnerable moments that we share. Where we show up for people, celebrate with people, grieve with people and let others know they are not alone.
This episode follows the verdict rendered in the Depp v Heard defamation lawsuit. While the outcome of this case has been decided by a jury, there is much for us to learn as we look at how public verdicts are rendered and the fallout that happens when the public gets it wrong.
This episode was prompted by the ongoing discussion playing out currently through a celebrity defamation lawsuit. Nobody watching or listening is able to provide accurate diagnostic information, which makes it even more important to shape the conversation about how this court proceeding is being viewed and talked about. When issues regarding domestic violence make it into the spotlight, often the reactions and discussion can impede future victims of domestic violence from coming forward and seeking help and safety. This episode is an attempt to bring proper attention to the issue of domestic violence and provide a deeper discussion about the underlying issues for those in situations of domestic violence. There are also current statistics about DV in the show notes for those interested.
https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS
In this episode, Jackie talks about the most recent of a long stream of gun violence and innocent lives lost. This is a disturbing issue in the United States with seemingly no end in sight. Jackie talks about the importance of understanding our grievance stories and how this understanding can lead to meaningful conversations and prompt a robust national conversation focused on change and progress.
In this episode, Jackie talks about a model of change that breaks down the process of change into four steps. Which can be helpful when undertaking an overwhelming task like change. In addition to understanding there are models for change, it can also be helpful to know there are also expected obstacles universal to those who undertake such a task. Knowing what these obstacles are can help us recognize them when they appear and be intentional when navigating the obstacle.
These are two terms that are often used in therapy and that are often used by the general public. But what do they actually mean? What is the difference between being trauma-informed and doing trauma work? In this episode, we talk about the difference and the importance of being trauma-informed, both as the client and the clinician, before moving into doing trauma work.
In this episode, Jackie talks about a local controversy that arose in SLC related to a description of a college course taught at a liberal arts college located in SLC. Situations such as this can escalate emotions and quickly spread fear and disinformation. Or it can cause us to pause, take a step back, listen, ask questions, and use critical thinking skills to sort through the emotional information that is coming our way.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the first six of twelve of the dimensions of courtship as outlined by Dr. Patrick Carnes. We do not spend enough time talking about how healthy relationships come about. Is it by chance? Is it luck? Do some people know a secret that so many others do not know? Healthy relationships don't happen by chance or by luck. And if your history of relationships doesn't trend in the right direction, there are things we can change and practice in order to be a part of healthy relationships that grow and evolve over time.
In this episode, Jackie wraps up discussing the book The Tao of Fully Feeling. This is where the dots are connected and we begin to see the path forward for ourselves. A path that involves forgiving ourselves for our part in carrying the dysfunction forward. We can now begin to see how our relationships can be different. How we can make amends, we can take responsibility for our actions, without taking more responsibility than is ours, and how we can take this forward into our lives and our relationships.
In this episode, Jackie continues to work through the book The Tao of Fully Feeling. The author has reminded us throughout the book of our society's need to rush forgiveness as a bypass for feeling and operating in reality. In this episode, we look at extenuating circumstances that our parents may have been dealing with. We aren't exploring these circumstances as a way of "letting them off the hook" because that would mean the shame resides with us. It is a way of taking a step back from what we experienced and getting a larger view of what life was like for our parents. This can actually help reduce shame as it begins to dawn on us that this was never about us. It wasn't about us being too much, or not enough or us just being a child.
In this episode, Jackie continues her discussion of The Tao of Fully Feeling. In this episode, we start looking at what we can do. Once we have become more aware of our dysfunctional childhood and our maladaptive coping skills, once we have grieved the loss and expressed what was repressed, where do we go next? In this episode, we look at how we can reparent our inner child. Offering him/her what they were denied. What their hearts longed for and what is long past due.
In this continuing discussion about the book The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker, we talk about blame as part of the grieving process. And how blame is not the stigmatized emotion that we are taught to banish and opt for self-responsibility. Instead, it is an organic, natural part of ourselves that leads to self-protection, healthy boundaries, and ultimately true forgiveness to our parents for the abuse and neglect from our childhood.
There are four key ways that children protect themselves from being overwhelmed by the emotional pain of prolonged abuse and neglect. We call these defense mechanisms, and they typically have an expiration date. They can be effective in protecting children through traumatic childhoods, but at some time they will stop working. At this point, we can develop new, advanced defense mechanisms or we can face the trauma and explore how it is impacting our adult lives.
In this episode, Jackie talks about chapter 5 in The Tao of Fully Feeling. Often when we think of grieving, we think of being sad, maybe crying. Or we think of the stages of grief developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. In this chapter, author Pete Walker expands on essentials to grieving as we explore childhood trauma.
In this bonus episode, Jackie talks about how the learnings from Pete Walker's book The Tao of Fully Feeling may have messages for the current strife and social fears we are experiencing in our world today.
In this episode Jackie continues her series discussing the book The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker. In this episode we cover chapter 2 & 3 from the book and talk about the Fundamental Dynamics of Emotional Nature and the Gifts of Grieving.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the introduction, and chapters one and two of Pete Walker's book The Tao of Fully Feeling. This is the first book of our TFS Bookclub. In this episode, we cover how we lose our ability to fully feel. What the cost is to us and how we cope when we cannot fully feel. We also talk about how starting to feel will connect us with grief and loss. Two ways we avoid feeling and grieving are to rush forgiveness or to become perfect.
In this episode Jackie answers a question from a friend and one that many people have when they start therapy and are in the process of doing their own work. It is a valid question when there are painful and traumatic things we have experienced in the past. Why go there if there isnt a good reason? Well, there is a good reason. The past never stays put in past. We arrive in adulthood with unfinished business and not knowing or understanding how to connect with our own personal power and what to do with it.
In this episode, I am honored to have special guest Mark Nepo talking about Heartwork: being a spirit in the world. Beloved as a poet, teacher, and storyteller, Mark Nepo, the New York Times bestselling author of The Book of Awakening, has been called "one of the finest spiritual guides of our time," "a consummate storyteller," and an"eloquent spiritual teacher." His many books have been translated into more than twenty languages.
In his upcoming talk presented by The Jung Society of Utah, Mark will explore the heartwork required to inhabit our lives by engaging our ongoing relationships to self, other, work, community, and Source. The integrity of our heartwork depends on integrating who we are with what we do. Regardless of the service we’re called to, the central questions have always been: How will we inhabit our time on Earth? How can we live fully in the face of death? And how can we love fully in the face of life? This of course leads to other questions: How will we know and be known? How do we hold each other as we tumble along in the story of our lives? How will we care for each other in the face of crisis?
Given the hardships of living through the pandemic, we are called to renew our covenant with life and each other in order to survive the storms of our day and to leave the world more authentic and loving than we found it.
Tickets for the SLC event are availble online at https://my.arttix.org/27979/27980 or by calling 801-355-ARTS or 888-451-ARTS.
You can register for Mark's upcoming webinar The Gift of Relationship: helping each other stay awake at: live.marknepo.com
In this episode Jackie asked two of her colleagues, Rachel Allen and Amy Smith, both previous guests on the podcast to join her talking about Christmas songs through the therapy lens. Therapy can put things into perspective or make us questions things we previously haven't questioned, whether you are a client of therapy or a therapist. We had some fun talking about Christmas songs whose time has come and gone or songs that just hit wrong. We also talk about some of our favorite Christmas songs.
This week Jackie talks about her experience as both a participant and a facilitator in GLI (group leadership intensive). So many of us live our lives in our own bodies without giving ourselves the opportunity to actually see ourselves and to know how others experience us. It is a gift, that we typically will shy away from, to be present with others and ourselves in the struggle...and yet there is so much to be learned when we can give ourselves this gift. And be open to receiving feedback from others as part of this gift. It is an opportunity for the unfinished business within us to manifest in a way that we can face and acknowledge while also finding a way forward.
We all make choices every single day—some big, some small. Some are choices related to time and money. Others are related to the life roles we each prioritize. There are a billion things we could do, but we must make choices with our limited time. Is there a difference between making a decision and a choice? How does trauma impact the ability to make "good" choices?
In this episode Jackie wraps up the series on the Twelve Principles by Dr. Patrick Carnes. Generativity is principle twelve. Generativity refers to "making your mark" on the world by caring for others as well as creating and accomplishing things that make the world a better place. It’s leaving the community, culture, and world better than you found it. This principle aligns with step twelve, which is all about having had a spiritual awakening, By practicing the twelfth step along with the twelvth principle we are set to make the world, our communities, our families, and our friendships more meaningful and more purposeful.
Life is messy. It has always been messy. Life is full of loose ends, uncertainty, confusion, and frustration. Yet nothing is wasted or random or pointless. Everything that happens is nourishing compost for our spiritual and emotional growth. It is in the midst of the messiness of life that we often find meaning or, sometimes, that meaning finds us.
Recovery teaches us, and sometimes forces us to trust. We learn to trust others. We learn to trust ourselves. We learn to trust an ongoing process of renewal. We give ourselves over to uncertainty, free fall and the care of a Higher Power. Trust is active, not passive. It emboldens us to speak up, to take a stand, to make decisions, and to move forward into a future we can neither foresee nor control. It prompts us to take one leap of faith after another. There’s no one more important to trust than yourself. How can we learn to trust ourselves and practice the principle of trust, when that hasn't been our experience of ourselves, relationships or the world?
Merriam Webster defines responsiveness like this: reacting in a desired or positive way; quick to respond. We all probably think about speed when we think about responsiveness, too, but how many of us take the time to make sure our responses are positive? That we are responding in a timely and reliable way? Responsiveness is more than just a way to communicate. It becomes a way of being with ourselves, with others and with the world.
In this episode Jackie talks about how commitment plays a role in our recovery as well as in our relationships. When we make a commitment, we are saying that we will do all we can to make it happen. There are factors that get in the way of us keeping our commitments. As we work to deepen our recovery, our ability to make commitments becomes an important part of our recovery. How we commit to ourselves and to others is a deciding factor in our success.
There is no courage without risk. When we act courageously, we put ourselves on the line for a greater good and make ourselves vulnerable to loss. In recovery, our approach to risk changes completely. We learn to consider our risks instead of following our impulses. We consult our inner observer, then consciously choose which risks to take. One day at a time, we become both more courageous and more discerning.
We all know the importance of telling the truth. Generally, we have been told how important honesty is from a young age. It is usually stated in a direct, simple way that makes it seem like being honest is easy. We aren’t always told how to live an honest life or that it is harder than it sounds. In this episode, Jackie talks about how to practice living a life of honesty and why it is such an important principle in recovery.
In this episode, Jackie assembles her fellow female colleagues at Healing Paths for a book club. They are talking about the book Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. This will be a 3 part series talking about each of the three sections of the book and how it is important information and applicable if you are a woman or if you know a woman.
Before we began recovery, many of us had little experience of being part of a healthy family, of fitting into a functional community, or of living in a climate of trust. Often, from a very young age, we were denied the opportunity to bond with other people. These experiences carry with us into our adult relationships and cause us to close off or isolate. The process of opening and bonding is a powerful step in our healing journey.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the important role that responsibility plays in recovery and in our personal healing journey. In recovery, we stop hiding from ourselves. We understand the importance of examining our life, and we accept responsibility for everything in it. We realize that a deeply painful past does not let u off the hook. Nothing lets us off the hook. We are always responsible for what we do and what we decide and the impact that has.
Across world religions and throughout the history of human experience with the Divine, we find certain universally recognized strategies to nourishing spirituality. While each person experience is unique, there are ways of approaching life that maximize our availability to spiritual presence. In this episode Jackie talks about some of the things we can do to increase our spiritual practice and to connect to something Higher around us. Perhaps the real challenge in life is learning to love and to let.
Each of us has the capacity to pay attention to our senses, emotions, impulses, thoughts, and actions. We also have the capacity to observe the world around us: its beauty, its danger, its design. When we make an internal commitment to reality, we naturally want to become more aware. Change can come about dramatically by paying attention and having the awareness of what goes on inside and outside us.
In this episode, Jackie talks about principle one which is acceptance. A common struggle felt by most individuals who enter a recovery program or start a process of personal healing is learning how to reframe their life and give it harmony and balance. We have to learn how to dialogue with ourselves about past and present events in a way that brings freedom and meaning. We have to wrestle with what is real and we have to make the choice to accept what is.
In this episode Jackie introduces a twelve-part series focused on working The Twelve Principles as introduced by Dr. Patrick Carnes. The principles are connected to the steps and prompt a question for us to consider. Of course, these questions cannot be answered by asking a wise old sage, or an oracle or even a sponsor. These answers are revealed to us as we live each day, work the steps and live the principles the best we can.
In this first episode of 2021, Jackie talks about the liminal space of ending and beginning. She reads writings from the poet and author David Whyte about nostalgia and being close. Are we in a better space when we have accomplished our goals or when we are close to what we set out to accomplish? Close to tears, close to success, close to leaving or close to happiness? And what is the role that we allow nostalgia to play in our lives and does it keep us from fully feeling what our body is remembering?
In this episode Jackie takes a minute to reflect on lessons learned from one of the most collectively dark years in our recent history. 2020 was dark and hard in many personal ways as well as being difficult collectively as we all struggled with the challenges brought by COVID-19. Many families are celebrating the holidays with an empty seat at the table and dealing with other losses brought by this year. There is value that comes from "seeing in the dark" and many important lessons are only learned as we adjust our vision while in the dark.
In this episode Jackie talks about reclaiming what we have lost from life and from hurt. Can we remember the parts of ourselves that are untarnished? Who we were before you were being asked to be anything other than you?
The holidays can be a very difficult time for people. We can try to put on a smile and try to pretend like everything is ok, when really we are only pretending. For those, going through a difficult time or a "dark night of the soul", this time of year can be especially heavy. This episode is for those who are facing a challenge, asking tough questions, facing difficult truths and making hard changes.
In this episode Jackie talks about healing what haunts us. Our country is facing a dark and difficult time with so many of us opposed and protesting the other. Jackie offers a different perspective coming from a mental health professional's prospective and one who sees patterns and processes.
In this episode, Jackie interviews Michelle Mays about healing from betrayal trauma. Michelle founded the Center for Relational Recovery, a counseling and training center focused on providing leading-edge treatment to sex addicts, partners of sex addicts, trauma survivors, and those struggling with relationship issues. Michelle's work is grounded in the work that all change happens in relationship and that our attachment to others is both the most meaningful and at times the most challenging parts of our lives.
In this episode Jackie responds to a listener's questions related to trauma responses. Knowing and understanding what yours are is an important step in managing them when they get triggered.
In this episode Jackie talks about the line from Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karinnana "Happy Families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." What does this mean? And how can we learn to be happy, be relational and have connection and vulnerability in our relationships?
We all have experiences where a situation triggers a trauma response in us. Something from the past feels as though it is happening again in our present. Our body responds, our thoughts and feelings follow and we are in a trauma response. What can we do to shorten the time spent in trauma response? How can we work our way out of our trauma response and back into our current time where we have options and resources?
In this episode Jackie talks about the pain of betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma has a significant impact on both the brain and the nervous system of the betrayed partner and makes it difficult for them to return to a state of calm and safety. Included are steps for healing betrayal trauma.
In this episode, Jackie talks about the practice of Sabbath. Of consecrating a time each week for rest, renewal, and delight. Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us.
In this episode Jackie talks about Maslow's hierarchy of human needs that dictate a person's behavior. Jackie talks about the belief window that figuratively sits in front of our face and also dictates the beliefs we have about ourselves and the world we live in. If we are looking to change behavior, it starts with changing the beliefs that sit on this belief window.
In this episode, Jackie talks about moving beyond sobriety into optimal recovery. Often this is a lifelong process. A corrective emotional experience is required for previous traumatic or dysfunctional critical events that were maladaptively processed and resulted in addiction or other coping mechanisms.
In this episode Jackie talks about the continuum of strategies for getting what I want and need and balancing the health of the relationship. This dynamic comes up in our romantic relationships as well as with our kids, our friends and extended family relationships. There are strategies we can employ to get what we want or need that are relationship constructive and there are strategies that are relationship destructive.
In this episode Jackie talks about balancing novelty and security in our relationships. Security fosters a sense of love and belonging while novelty fuels passion, satisfaction and happiness. Too much of one and not enough of the other can lead to relationship dissatisfaction.
In this episode Jackie talks about childhood experiences that shape and inform our sexual relationships as we get older. Many times, these issues are origin stores behind problematic sexual behavior. In healing sexuality, it is important to explore deeper issues and not just stay on the surface focused on the yes and no's of sexual choice.
In this episode Jackie talks about the EFT as a therapy modality when working with couples. EFT is all about healing attachment wounds and experiencing relationships in a positive, inviting and safe way. What happens when couples get stuck in conflict? What happens when communication doesn't lead to connection? Often it is old patterns of interacting and the negative messages that come with those patterns that are getting in the way of connection.
In this episode, Jackie talks about power dynamics that affect us in our daily lives and pit us against each other instead of with each other. Recent events from last week brought the patriarchal structure of the United States and our representatives front and center. It's not uncommon for change to inspire change. As we have felt the uncertainty of a global epidemic, the issue of racism made it's way to center stage and is now followed by sexism. We are in need of a change. I see individuals and couples work towards and make these changes every day. Will this change raise from the micro level to the macro? I hope so!
In this episode Jackie talks about the social issue that is rising up currently in the US and asking for us to do something. If we can't begin conversations then we certainly can't fix the racial discrimination that has plagued our country since it's inception.
This episode continues our look at politics. Jackie talks with author Bill Eddy about his book Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths and How We Can Stop! Bill talks about the patterns across the world and throughout history where HCP’s have risen to the top and caused chaos and destruction. We cover the role media plays. We talk about what we, the average person, can do in recognizing these personality patterns and how to dialogue in this divisive time.
In this episode Jackie has a guest on to talk about Politics. Not partisan politics that put so many people on opposing sides from those they love, work with and know. Politics as it is designed to work and what we as citizens can do to get politics working for us instead of against us.
In this episode Jackie talks about the importance of living with intent. We can lay a foundation for ourselves to do this. She also offers practical steps to practice in moving forward with intent. During these times of unrest and uncertainty on our planet and in our country, living with intent can lead to the changes we so need.
In this episode, Jackie talks about a common communication process that will derail conversations and leave participants frustrated. This process is referred to as the drama triangle. Jackie explains this process as well as how to exit the drama triangle and communicate in more productive ways.
In this episode Jackie talks about the science of crying. We actually don't know a lot about why we cry and even less about why some people don't cry. There have been a lot of misconceptions throughout history about crying. Sadness and sorrow are inevitable experiences in life. Yet, we often avoid them or apologize for feeling that way. How can we gain clarity from our sorrow and bring meaning from our suffering? We talk about this and more in this episode.
In this episode Jackie talks about the importance of self-compassion. She talks about the 3 components to self-compassion and the common barriers we are faced with in developing compassion for ourselves.
In this episode Jackie talks about how mindfulness and being present improve our intimacy and connections in our relationships as well as offer other positive impacts. Fear of Intimacy is a common issue that brings clients in for therapy. Lack of connection in our relationships increases our feelings of loneliness. Jackie ends this episode with small steps to take in order to practice mindfulness and being present.
In this episode Jackie talks about the impact of family dysfunction. We like to think that what happened in our past doesn't affect our adult lives. However, One of the most significant triggers for childhood relationship trauma are adult relationships. Understanding how childhood trauma impacts us is key to being able to heal the wounds and become emotionally literate.
In this episode Jackie talks about the importance of being able to feel and express our emotions in a healthy way. Emotions can be intense. If we haven't been taught how to regulate our emotions, they can spill out in ways that are unhealthy. Learning to regulate your emotions increases our ability to have empathy and improves the quality of our relationships and our physical health.
In this series on emotion management, Jackie talks about anger. Often, the messages we have been taught about anger are part of the problem and don't help to manage anger. Anger is an emotion all of us have. It doesn't work to deny or suppress anger, so what do we do with anger? What is the purpose of anger? We talk about these things and more in this episode.
Often when things happen to us, we get thrown off course. How things would have unfolded end up being disrupted. This may also be true when it comes to who we are, or who we were. In this episode, Jackie explores the word "continue" and how it relates to therapy and the process of reclaiming ourselves.
In this episode Jackie talks about the difficulty of change and it's connection to loss. During this time of physical distancing, there are many emotions people are trying to manage. How can we embrace the time we are in and plan for the change that is created?
In this episode Jackie talks about the importance of developing decision making skills. Life is full of decisions to be made and choices to decide. Not many of us were taught how to make decisions well. In this episode Jackie talks about decision science and shares some ideas for improving our ability to make decisions.
The current time we are living in is surreal. We are facing uncertainty about what is to come. During these times it can be helpful to view it as a freefall and increase our awareness and intentionality. Jackie shares some ideas about how we can do this as well as a worksheet for you to determine what needs to fall in and what needs to fall out of your life at this time.
https://www.healingpathsrecovery.com/addiction-recovery-podcast/how-to-live-and-cope-with-uncertainty/
In this episode Jackie talks about the therapy process. It's not an uncommon for clients to ask questions or be confused about what to expect as they start therapy. Therapy is abstract. Often clients aren't sure of what they are supposed to do, what they should feel like and what outcome they should expect. Sometimes, it's hard for therapists to explain what therapy is. In this episode, Jackie tries to tackle all these questions.
In this episode Jackie talks with guest John Tsilimiparis, LMFT about OCD. We talk about what OCD is as well as the treatment modalities that are successful. For those suffering from OCD, this episode can bring awareness and hope.
In this episode Jackie talks about treating trauma with EMDR. She explains what EMDR therapy looks and feels like and what the goal of EMDR is. Jackie also talks about hesitancies therapists may experience in treating trauma.
In this episode Jackie talks about the skill of developing an inner observer as a way of increasing personal awareness and slowing down our automatic response process. Developing an inner observer helps us increase our emotional intelligence and make sense of behavior.
This episode is the final episode in the series on effective communication. In this episode Jackie talks about skills we can learn and develop to have the meaningful conversations in our relationships. These skills can become a habit and help us build the connection and meaning we long for in our primary relationship.
All of the worksheets for download can be found here.
https://www.healingpathsrecovery.com/addiction-recovery-podcast/communication-in-marriage/
In this episode Jackie talks about the Four Horsemen that the Gottman's have identified as behaviors that show up in relationships that are destructive and serve as a barrier to effective communication. Jackie also talks about the antidotes the Gottman's have identified that move us out of destructive behavior into health, growth and success.
In this episode Jackie talks about the Gottman's Sound Relationship House and how to build relationships that can withstand change and challenge and still experience growth and connection.
In this episode, Jackie continues her series on effective communication in relationships. She covers the concepts taught by the Gottman's of turning towards, turning against and turning away. Often times, it isn't the big things in our relationships that make them strong. It's how we show up for each other consistently in small ways.
In this episode Jackie talks about mistakes we often make when communicating that get in the way of being understood. Jackie talks about steps to improve communication so that conversations bring greater understanding and connection instead of conflict.
In this episode Jackie talks about the difficulty of starting over and the importance of allowing ourselves to try new things and to step out of our comfort zone.
In this episode Jackie talks with psychologist and activist Regina Stone-Grover about increasing awareness and making safe spaces for those under-privileged communities. We talk about intent vs. impact and how labels are both helpful and harmful.
In this last episode of 2019, Jackie talks about having a to-don't list in order to live more intentionally, more productively and with more stability.
In this episode Jackie talks with fellow CSAT Josh Nichols, co-owner of Family Solutions Counseling and host of the Youtube Channel RecoveryTV. This episode focuses on a common phenomenon that occurs later in recovery that often has addicted spouses asking the question to therapists Is My Partner Gaslighting Me? The answer is no and in this episode Josh explains why and what is actually going on.
In this episode, Jackie talks to Marie who shares her story from compulsive sexual behavior to sexual anorexia to healing.
In this episode, Jackie talks to Marie who shares her story from compulsive sexual behavior to sexual anorexia to healing.
In this episode, Jackie talks to Marie who shares her story from compulsive sexual behavior to sexual anorexia to healing.
In this episode, Jackie talks to Marie who shares her story from compulsive sexual behavior to sexual anorexia to healing.
In this final episode of our series on Sexual Health, Jackie and Rachel talk more specifically about what sexual health looks like and how one can work on developing sexual health for themselves and in their relationship.
In this episode Jackie and Rachel continue their series on healthy sexuality. This episode focuses on the barriers females face and the role of patriarchal culture in creating and reinforcing the barriers to healthy sexuality.
In this episode Jackie and Rachel continue their series on sexual health. This episode focuses on men's sexual health particularly as it relates to growing up in a patriarchal society.
In this episode Jackie introduces you to her colleague and friend Rachel Allen. Jackie and Rachel talk about sexual health and what clients are working towards in their healing process. There are a lot of barriers to sexual health so this topic will be a series you won't want to miss.
Friendships can be hard for adults. It can be difficult to make new friends and our schedules may make it difficult to connect with old friends. The research is clear though, adults need meaningful connections. Adults do better both emotionally and physically if they have quality relationships and that includes with friends.
In this episode Jackie talks about danger signals outlined by author and security expert Gavin DeBecker. We all have a tendency to talk ourselves out of our intuition for one reason or another. This episode might make you think twice about not listening to your intuition.
In this episode Jackie talks about the psychology of lying. How common it is. Why humans are likely to lie just enough but not too much and why we are so bad at spotting lies.
In this episode B talks about her journey through healing both as a client and now on the other side as she pursues an MSW.
In this episode Jackie discusses the neuropathways involved in addiction. Understanding these neuropathways can often give addicts a view of the internal landscape driving the addiction and make sense of the why and the what of addiction.
In this episode Jackie talks about the connection between forgiveness and grief and the complexities of both. For those who find themselves stuck somewhere in grief and cringe when poeple talk about forgiveness, this might bring some insight.
In this episode Jackie talks about the relationship between sovereignty and intimacy. How we can’t have real intimacy unless we have power over ourselves to develop and grow.
In this episode Jackie covers topics of consent, racial differences and the process of assessing what we learned and what we need to unlearn.
In this episode Jackie finishes the series focused on politics focusing on confirmation bias. We are all impacted by our bias and we all want to be right. In this episode you'll find some helpful skills for increasing your awareness of your bias and also how to challenge our bias so that we can improve our thinking, our conversation and our relationships.
This episode continues our look at politics. Jackie talks with author Bill Eddy about his book Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths and How We Can Stop! Bill talks about the patterns across the world and throughout history where HCP’s have risen to the top and caused chaos and destruction. We cover the role media plays. We talk about what we, the average person, can do in recognizing these personality patterns and how to dialogue in this divisive time.
In this episode Jackie talks about Cognitive Dissonance. Life is filled with decisions and decisions typically arouse dissonance. Continuing to look at our current state of politics in the US, we talk about how cognitive dissonance also applies with the leaders we endorse.
In this episode Jackie has a guest on to talk about Politics. Not partisan politics that put so many people on opposing sides from those they love, work with and know. Politics as it is designed to work and what we as citizens can do to get politics working for us instead of against us.
In this episode Jackie talks about the Johari Window as a tool for increasing self-awareness and emotional intelligence. This is a tool often used in therapy as a way for clients to receive feedback about themselves that will help them make the changes they are seeking and to have happier and meaningful relationships.
In this episode Jackie talks with fellow CSAT and Marriage and Family Therapist Jeremy Mast. Traditional abstinence based programs don’t work for everyone. For those who struggle with the traditional programs they often feel a great deal of shame for not fitting in. The Harm Reduction model recognizes this and has an approach to reduce the shame and benefit those who struggle.
In this episode Jackie talks with guest Dr. Debra Warner, author, TedEx speaker, and expert on male survivors.
In this episode Jackie talks with Greg Woodhill about his new podcast "A Brave New Man" In this episode Jackie and Greg talk about what men and women are getting wrong and what they are getting right. Greg Woodhill is a licensed psychotherapist who has spent thousands of hours directly helping sex and porn addicts recover from their addictions. He strongly believes that true psychological and emotional growth can only occur in a safe environment, which he provides for his clients through long-term therapeutic work. He holds a Master's Degree from the University of Santa Monica, where he developed his personal therapeutic style of empathic listening, exploring early childhood trauma, and encouraging personal responsibility. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.
I get asked all the time about boundaries. I think they are one of the most important things to have if you want to live as a functional adult. Yet, from so many I hear from boundaries seem to be elusive. In this episode Amy Smith and I talk about our latest project at One Layer Deeper, The Boundary Box. If you want to be rocking your boundaries and be a boundary badass, you won't want to miss this.
In this episode Jackie talks with Dr. Janice Caudill and Dan Drake about their workbook that helps prepares couples for disclosure. Disclosure can be an important part of couples recovering, healing and moving forward and it can also go poorly. Their workbook and thoughts shared in this episode are geared to give couples and those guiding the disclosure options to consider and make disclosure successful.
In this episode Jackie talks about three personality disorders: borderline, narcissistic and anti-social. It can be hard to wrap our head around these disorders when we want to believe the best about others. It’s also important to know about these disorders in order to spot what’s happening and stop the abuse.
In this episode, Jackie has former guest Carver Brown back to talk about the work he has been doing with families and loved ones of addicts in order to have greater success in recovery. As always, Carver brings his passion, his insight and wisdom and his humor.
https://casrecovery.com/https://lovefirst.net/structured-family-recovery/ https://www.amazon.com/Takes-Family-Cooperative-Approach-Sobriety/dp/1616495340/ref=sr_1_1?crid=32RW1AANLRFE0&keywords=debra+jay&qid=1556752760&s=gateway&sprefix=debra+jay%2Caps%2C302&sr=8-1
In this episode Jackie answers some questions from listeners about Narcissism and talks about the narcissistic parents impact on their children.
In this episode, Jackie talks with Melissa Smith Phd, MBA, CEDS owner of Balance Health and Healing about the treatment of eating disorders. They discuss the increase of seeing younger kids, males as well as females, the impact of social media and how families can support the treatment of eating disorders.
www.balancehealthandhealing.com
In this episode Jackie talks with guest Em Capito who specializes in working with women leaving narcissistic relationships. This episode is full of good information you won’t want to miss.
In this episode Jackie talks with Sharon O’Hara, CSAT colleague in CA, about the continuum of narcissism, gaslighting and sociopathy.
In this episode Jackie talks about how trauma can feel like being swallowed up in a fast moving river where its hard to get our bearings and to get our feet on solid ground. Jackie talks about how to get ourselves safe on the riverbank and tips for processing through what happened to us.
You may think that you are good at breathing, after all you’re alive right? The truth is we can be pretty bad at breathing and keep ourselves alive. Life can throw things at us that takes our breath away or throws our breathing completely off balance. How can we breath during those times? How can we reclaim our life through our breathing?
In this episode Jackie discusses the pitfalls of overusing our strengths or underusing our strengths. How do we find the zone in which our strengths are actually strengths for us?
Do you Know what your personal character strengths are? Can you identify how they have shown up in your life during a challenging times and not so challenging times? How can you connect with your signature strengths on a regular basis to live in alignment? http://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths-Survey
One of our listeners wrote in and asked us to address the experiences of young people in recovery. Being a good 20 years younger than the people we are in the rooms with can be unsettling. This episode kicks off an ongoing exploration we are going to pursue learning about young people in recovery and their experiences.
Why do things like journaling, charting, and keeping records come up as suggestions for behavior change so much? Because they make us use a different part of our brains- when it comes to change (recovery, healing, insert-your-favorite-term-here) the more of your brain you have to help you and the more ways you use your brain, the better off you may be in making the changes you want. Tune in today to learn how to collect data and use on yourself and your change process.
In this episode, Jackie talks about little t traumas that often get missed or minimized in recovery and trauma work. As children growing up in dysfunctional homes we learn to not feel, not trust and not talk. These rules may help us live in our dysfunctional homes growing up, but they create problems in adulthood. Part of our healing is to see, feel, trust and talk about these little t experiences.
In this new series, we are taking a look at the addictions that we like to celebrate. Exercise, work, money, screens, and food restriction- why does it matter to address these when they are out of control.
While this is a remote possibility for most folks, it is the last thing you want to see happen at work. Learn some of the predictors of workplace violence and how to stay safe.
What do ammends and recovery look like in a family with adult children? There are some big differences in your relationship with your adult children to consider as you continue your work of bringing healing to every part of your life.
The teenage years are feared, by parents and their children. They don't have to be- tune in to learn how your recovery tools gained thus far can help you to be a more effective parent with your children who are on the fast-track to adulthood. Learn some key ways to make repairs in the family with your teenaged children.
In this episode Jackie talks about the different seasons our planet goes through and how that correlates to our own personal seasons of life. Wherever you are in your own personal season, remember to honor that season and understand what each season in your life is doing for you and your journey.
We've been experiencing some changes in the work we are doing together. Tune in to hear about those changes as well as the ensuing discussion on recognizing limits, healthy boundary setting in healthy relationships, and embracing change as life brings it.
Tune back in for more on bringing recovery to the family system while we explore specific parenting tasks with 10 to 13-year-olds. Be prepared to remember those awkward years all over again!
We're excited to have Alex Runolfosn on to talk about Grief and Trauma About Alex:
I started Bloom Recovery after experiencing my own traumas and struggling find a truly helpful and safe environment to heal.
I know firsthand the pain people can experience, the courage it takes to ask for help, and the joy that can come from healing from the root. I have worked extensively with trauma, grief/loss, depression, anxiety, and all forms of addiction. I am trained in multiple theories and modalities and love creating unique and individualized approaches by combining EMDR, DBT, REBT, ACT, Motivational Interviewing, Somatic Therapies, and a number of Mindfulness Approaches.
I love to travel and have been to 6/7 continents and hope to hit the last one, Antartica, soon. I have been to over 40 different countries and love to experience all different types of people, culture, cuisine, and adventure. I try to embrace life to the fullest and have sailed the pacific rim, scuba dived the great barrier reef, climbed mountains, skydived, caught wild crocodiles by hand in Africa, tracked and studied mountain lions in Argentina, just to name a few adventures.
I’m a geek at heart and love all things pop culture (be prepared for Harry Potter metaphors, Star Trek analogies, and any number of other references).
Although I can’t draw a balanced stick figure to save my life, and my singing voice is atrocious, I love to incorporate art, music, and overall creativity into my practice and encourage the people I work with to discover their creativity and tap into their own passions.
If you would like to know more about me all you have to do is ask.
You can find Alex at bloom-recovery.com
What happens when your kids get more word savvy, are willing to argue and debate with you, are clearly blossoming into their own person, and the whole family is recovering from the effects of active addiction and betrayal? We continue our series on healing and recovery in the larger family system. These authors were mentioned in the episode Armin Brott http://arminbrott.com/ Gabor Mate https://drgabormate.com/
Jackie and Jon continue their series on healing within families. This episode focus on navigating recovery and parenting in recovery with children 0 to 5 years old.
We're talking to Tim Kiernon with Outer Circle Recovery, a Sober living house for people in recovery with sexual problems in Tennessee. Tim shares his experience with us working with people from the highest levels of residential care to his experience in the rooms. You can learn more about Tim and Outer Circle at outercirclerecovery.com or by calling 615-988- 9088 ext. 102 to talk with Tim directly.
This episode is the first in a series where we will be looking at recovery an healing in a family system. This episode focuses on what has happened in the family due to addiction and the resulting chaos and what is possible in healing those relationships in the future. This series was inspired by one of our own listeners who wrote: "Hi, your podcasts have been a tremendous help. Could you do some on how to 'repair' the attachment and trauma damage done to children by remorseful parents? My kids are still under 10 yo and both me and my spouse are in recovery and realized we had unknowingly inflicted attachment and traumatic damages during the kids 0-4 years of age. What can we do henceforth to "reverse/repair/reduce" those wounds and damage suffered by the kids? Thanks... really appreciate it... "
Stay tuned for more deep dives in future episodes!
We are excited to have Dr. Rob Weiss back on the podcast! Rob is talking about his groundbreaking research and new book identifying the problem with the way addiction treatment has traditionally approached partners and relationships.
You can find out more about Dr. Rob and his work at www.prodependence.com
His books can be found on amazon.com
We're excited to be talking with Staci Sprout- therapist and author of the memoir: Naked in Public. Staci talks with us about the 4 phases of recovery for women and focuses on the gifts in stage 3 and 4. You can learn more about Staci by visiting her website www.stacisprout.com
Every news cycle highlights something that someone wants an apology for. The apology rarely happens, and when it does, it is often underwhelming and leaves much to be desired. Jon and Jackie dissect a 2014 paper written by Stanford Psychologist Karina Schumann in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that suggests a good apology has eight specific parts:
The words "I'm sorry." The words "I was wrong," or some variation thereof. An acknowledgment of the action being apologized for. An honest description of the action without blaming others. An emphasis on understanding how the wronged person has been hurt. An outline of plans to make amends for the damage the was done. An assurance that what's being apologized for won't happen again. An ask for forgiveness.
Disclosure is a process that helps bring a culture of honesty to a relationship. It's also a place where many are tempted to take shortcuts. Jackie and Jon talk with Hope Ray, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist in Michigan. Hope is a specialist in Therapeutic Disclosure with couples in recovery. You can learn more about our guest, Hope Ray, on her website www.hoperaytherapy.com.
We're celebrating 100 episodes, two years of Thanks for Sharing! Jon and Jackie update their life stories with the last two years of change, growth, and challenges.
We're excited to welcome back Deb Kaplan, LPC, CSAT-S- author of For Love and Money: Exploring sexual and financial betrayal in relationship. Today, Deb takes us on a deep dive into how power plays out between partners in a committed relationship. You don't want to miss this!
Jackie and Jon take a look at Critical Thinking through a relationship lens. How do you engage the intuitive parts of your brain with the parts that are really good at analyzing and dissecting information? Listen to find out!
Jackie and Jon welcome Kate Balestrieri, Psy. D, CSAT-S and Lauren Dummit, LMFT, CSAT to talk about the importance of understanding the intersection between addiction, trauma, and relationships. Kate and Lauren co-founded Triune Therapy Group (https://www.triunetherapy.com) and host the weekly radio show "Behind Closed Doors with Dr. Kate and Lauren" (http://www.kabc.com/2018/05/31/behind-closed-doors-with-dr-kate-and-lauren/)
Jon and Jackie explore the 'Silver Bullet' myth as it relates to healing and recovery. This might be a bit of a downer if you are putting a lot of time and energy into finding the one right solution to your problems- spoiler alert- it's most often not that simple!
We've talked sex, we've talked politics (somewhat), and so we're taking a deeper dive into the last of the big three taboo topics- religion. Jon and Jackie look at how recovery impacts religious beliefs and practices and spirituality. There is not a one-size-fits-all description of here- it is such a unique unfolding for everyone- but there are some common themes we see. Don't be afraid of these potential changes- when you are working on the core of you, you often see the core of you in new ways.
Addiction recovery and treatment is not a one-size-fits-all deal. Jon and Jackie sit down with Duane Osterlind, the creator, and host of "The Addicted Mind" podcast (www.addictedmind.com). Duane started the podcast in 2017 to help people in recovery make informed choices about their treatment.
This was a hard episode to name because Carol shared so generously with us about her professional and personal experiences related to healing, recovery, and growing into a happier human being. Carol is an Marriage and Family Therapist who is working hard to make the world a better place! Carol has two upcoming books "Recovering my Life," and is the co-host of the "Curious Intentions" podcast among several other things that make her a fantastic-helping-people-heal-badass! You can learn more about Carol and her work at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBeKuNHwwIPo3B6lJnHD7vw
In this episode, Jackie talks with Susan and Bill about SMART Recovery. They talk about how SMART meetings work and the concepts and psychological tools taught in SMART. If the typical 12 step meetings aren’t your cup of tea, or if you’re looking to add another resource to your recovery this episode will be worth your time.
Ken Adams is back (you also heard him on episode 57) with Wendy Conquest to talk about their work with women who are enmeshed with either or both of their parents. We explore themes of reclaiming what it means to love and be loved, burdens of guilt, and how to un-enmesh while still being able to love.
You can learn more about the Ken Adams enmeshment workshops at www.overcomingenmeshment.com. You can learn more about Wendy Conquest and her work at www.wendyconquest.com
If you are part of any group- professionally, 12 steps, family, a relationship - you won't want to miss this one. We are talking to Leonard Bade about his experience that ranges from helping large corporations change culture for the better to getting sober in 12-step rooms. Leonard brings decades of experience that can help you to break through some of the barriers that keep the groups you are part of from being as effective as they can be.
The second part of our "what changes" series examines aspects of heterosexual relationships that get hit by the recovery bus. For many couples, changes in power structures, emotional expression and sex are things to be feared and avoided. Couples in recovery often find themselves in the middle of radical change simultaneously loving and hating every minute of it.
Jackie and Jon begin a series on the needed, but often unsettling changes that are byproducts of good recovery. It would be nice if life just got more peaceful and we got more settled as we get more sober, but the truth is that initially a lot of institutions, relationships, and beliefs get upended and have to resettle as we fundamentally change the way we live.
We're recording this episode on location as we neared wrapping up our Dating in Recovery Intensive. We wanted to give you a taste of what we're doing and a closer look at this Intensive series. If you are in the process of dating, or would like to start dating in recovery but are scared, overwhelmed, or not sure how to start- you'll want to give this a listen.
We sit down today with Craig Cashwell, PhD. to talk about his research and practical application into the nature of spiritual bypass. Dr. Cashwell looks at how we either move toward or away from emotionally or psychologically difficult spaces- the use of spirituality or religion being one of the ways we can either move toward or away.
Join us for a thoughtful and illuminating conversation with Dr. Cashwell. Show notes: Craig mentioned authors you may want to look more into: John Welwood and Charles Whitfield among others. Research on the Spiritual Bypass Scale Dr. Cashwell mentioned can be found here: http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-45103-001
We have the fortune to sit down with Alex Katehakis again (we interviewed her in Episode 64) to talk about her new book Sexual Reflections: A Workbook for Designing and Celebrating Your Sexual Health Plan.
You won't want to miss this one- Alex brings her signature wisdom, warmth, and intelligence to a conversation packed with ideas to help you experience your sexual self as an integrated, shame-resilient person.
You can get your copy of Sexual Reflections from Amazon.com https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Reflections-Workbook-Designing-Celebrating/dp/1717166121/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528494124&sr=8-1&keywords=sexual+reflections
You can learn more about Alex and her work at: www.centerforhealthysex.com
Jackie and Jon get personal and share some of their favorite personal dating fails. While the stories are awkward and painful (if not a little embarrassing) there is a silver lining- Jon and Jackie got better at having good close connected relationships, and you can too. Take a listen to learn how.
Jon and Jackie take a look at the merging of two separate people and cultures when a new relationship is formed. In this episode, we explore some of the gifts recovery gives us prior to "feeling the pull" to enter new relationships.
We are excited to have Maia Szalavitz on today to talk about her new book The Unbroken Brain. Maia Szalavitz is one of the premier American journalists covering addiction and drugs. She is co-author of Born for Love and The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, both with Dr. Bruce D. Perry. Her book, Help at Any Cost is the first book-length exposé of the “tough love” business that dominates addiction treatment. She writes for TIME.com, VICE, the New York Times, Scientific American Mind, Elle, Psychology Today and Marie Claire among others.
Maia sheds light on understanding addiction as a learning disorder rather than a brain disease as well as the key connection between addiction and love. You won't want to miss this episode.
Jackie and Jon examine the often confusing and arbitrary "relationship stages" we all expect to go through in every single one of our romantic relationships. We will take a look at questions like:
"Should I ever date friends?" "How do I learn to listen to my intuition in my romantic relationships?" "When is it the right time to 'move to the next level'?" "How do I know when it's time to get out?"
Jackie and Jon follow up on a nugget from a previous episode where we mentioned that authenticity was not expressed in emotionally vomiting. Today, we talk about what goes into living and expressing the self authentically. We discuss if authenticity always feels good, and common short-cuts to authenticity.
We recently received an email from a listener who is a male partner of a female sex addict. He rightly observed that there are some special challenges in healing in those circumstances.
We are dedicating this epsiode today to examine why it can be extra painful for men who are with female sex addicts to get the help and support they may need. We also mentioned resources for male sex addicts looking for qualified therapists to help them. www.sexhelp.com and https://www.apsats.org/specialists#!directory/map are good places to start.
We welcome Amy Smith with Worth Recovery on again (You can hear her on Episode 58) to talk about our joint venture One Layer Deeper. We are excited to announce these weekend intensives focused on taking your relationships in recovery one layer deeper.
You can learn more about One Layer Deeper by visiting our website www.onelayerdeeper.com. In this episode, we explore some practical dos and don'ts for dating in recovery, the role of artificial timelines, and the question of dating other people in recovery.
We talk with our friend and returning guest Mari Lee about current affairs and why so much emotion is evoked around large issues like #metoo, politics, guns, and the like.
Mari mentioned a blog post in this episode. This is the link: http://www.thecounselorscoach.com/practice-business-building-ideas-counselor-blog/worship-narcissistic-therapist-leaders Jackie and Mari also mentioned a quote from David Bowie- here it is in its entirety.
“And these children that you spit on As they try to change their worlds Are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through.
- Changes”
In recent years, the world has been done a giant service by getting a deeper view of shame and how it affects us and our relationships. Awareness on this is becoming more and more mainstream.
Along with this awareness can come a tendency to paint with a broad brush and to rely on soundbites rather than a careful exploration of a complicated issue. In this episode, Jackie and Jon take another look at shame and discuss situations where guilt (others like Pia Melody have called it healthy shame) is useful in recovery. Don't be quick to paint with a broad brush- we've continued to keep the experience of shame in our social evolution and in our DNA.
We've been hard at work on some additional resources for our friends in recovery- so you aren't getting a fresh Thanks for Sharing today- but you are getting something new. This is Episode 3 of our side project: The Hidden Trauma Crash Course. All existing episodes are now available in iTunes and Google Play and we will soon be launching the HTCC website. Let us know what you think (thanksforsharingpodcast@gmail.com) - we're looking forward to being back next week with something new.
Most people in recovery struggle to define all of the 'no's'- the things that they need to be aware of, stay away from or give up in order to maintain sanity and strong recovery. In this episode, Jackie and Jon discuss the 3 Circles method for sexual sobriety and make a case for the importance of focusing on 'yes' in recovery.
This concept comes from the 12-step fellowship SAA. You can read their source material here: https://saa-recovery.org/literature/abstinence/
We have Kelly McDaniel back on to talk about her take on I, Tonya - the recent film starring Margot Robbie and Allison Janney depicting the story of Olympic Figure Skater Tonya Harding. Kelly talks about toxic love, mother wounds, perfectionism, patriarchy and many other forces that shape the broken hearts of girls with cruel mothers.
Resources mentioned in this episode: Kelly's blog post on Cruel Mothers https://kellymcdanieltherapy.com/legacy-maternal-cruelty-tonya/ Books by Peg Streep- Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life and Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt
Jackie and Jon share some stories from their lives and insights with each other in this installment. You will hear stories like "the Dishwasher," "Take the Shot," "Vomit I," "Vomit II," and "Childbirth is Hard for Men." Get cozy and settle in- let us tell you a good story.
Jackie and Jon continue the series on families and the things that impact how we relate and interact with one another. Every family is part of a larger cultural context which influences attitudes, beliefs, and relationships within that family. We talk about current cultural traumas like sexual assault and misconduct and mass shootings.
Jon and Jackie add another part to their series on family of origin and how we are shaped by the people we grow up with. In this episode, we explore how the seemingly small things can add up to have a big impact- positively and negatively. Listen to learn how you can become more resilient to "little t" traumas.
Jackie and Jon continue their series on Family of Origin by exploring what didn't happen- or neglect. Neglect comes in all shapes and sizes, on an extreme end, it is very noticeable. For many of us, it is less noticeable but still leaves painful scars. We explore different forms of neglect, the ways it shows up in adulthood, and the messages we internalize when what is isn't enough.
Jackie and Jon start a new series on Family of Origin and its impacts on you. So much happens immediately and subtly within families that shapes how we feel, who we are, and the relationships we seek out.
This episode is marked explicit because it does contain references to human sexuality and words that some might find offensive- we find that the material is still relevant to our audience and sometimes these topics are best served in frank, adult conversations Jon and Jackie welcome Rob Weiss (@robweissmsw) to the podcast. Rob is an accomplished author, therapist, and advocate for sex addicts in recovery. Today we talk to Rob about his newest book Out of the Dog House: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating. Our conversation explores the experience of the spouse who has been cheated on as well as the experience of the person who has done the cheating including what happens for both at discovery/disclosure, initial steps to take for stabilization, and changes and growth that can happen in a relationship post-infidelity. You can find Rob at www.robertweissmsw.com
We sit down with Deb Kaplan, author of "For Love and Money: Exploring Sexual and Financial Betrayal in Relationships" and a leading expert in issues related to sex and money. Few people can break down these big, difficult issues like Deb can to help individuals and couples come out from under the stifling beliefs about sex and money. Deb's website is www.debrakaplancounseling.com, and you can get her book here: http://debrakaplancounseling.com/book-for-love-and-money/ you can reach her directly at info@debrakaplancounseling.com Deb also mentioned a series of articles in the New Yorker by Ronan Farrow- you can link to those articles here: https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/from-aggressive-overtures-to-sexual-assault-harvey-weinsteins-accusers-tell-their-stories https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/harvey-weinsteins-army-of-spies https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/harvey-weinsteins-secret-settlements
Jon and Jackie revisit their last solo show- where they started talking about sexism and each of our roles in continuing the conversation about it. Jackie and Jon share personal stories and experiences that highlight how ingrained those ways of thinking and acting are. It's all around us- like water to a fish.
We are excited to share with you our conversation with Carver Brown. You will recognize Carver's name as we have referenced him multiple times in different episodes. We finally caught up with Carver for a meaningful conversation about recovery basics and the magic that happens as we work the steps. To learn more about the work Carver is doing for those entering the rooms of recovery, check out his FB page: https://www.facebook.com/casrecovery/?hc_ref=ARROHSq4S20Nob9ouQUXXCd-lcp0vavvQiBIBOK3VyV8z-kbd8GO223xZ51nXRF-lVE&pnref=story
This topic has started a national conversation for people in all walks of life. Jackie and Jon sit down with Alex Katehakis, founder of the Center for Healthy Sex in LA (centerforhealthysex.com) to talk about the months of allegations of sexual misconduct in the news the last few months. This is a moment in our national dialogue that pricks the sex addicts and partners of sex addicts that we work with.
Honor Ashbaugh is an internal medicine physician and a licensed therapist. She brings her expertise to Thanks for Sharing to talk about anxiety, depression, and sleep problems as they relate to partners who have suffered intimate betrayal. Honor and a colleague are starting 6-day intensives for people who have suffered intimate betrayal. You can link to the work she is doing at www.restorationstherapycenter.com.
We were excited to sit with Mari Lee and talk about her upcoming book "The Gift in the Wound: Stories of Hope and Resiliency" Mari, Jackie, and Jon all reflect on the changes and gifts that have come into their lives post trauma and heart-break.
Mari A. Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and is recognized nationally and internationally for her work with sex addicts and their partners. She is the founder of Growth Counseling Services, a recovery center located in Southern California. Mari is also the author of the best selling book, “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts”, and “The Creative Clinician.” Her next book, “The Gift in the Wound: Stories of Hope and Resiliency” will be out in 2018. She is a popular speaker and presents across the country on the topic of sex and love addiction, partner’s trauma and resiliency. In addition to her clinical work, speaking and writing, Mari is known as “The Counselor’s Coach”, and is a trusted business coach helping therapists create multiple income streams and develop successful private practices. She facilitates the popular on line coaching group, “Like A Boss”, and gives generously to the clinical community with free information on her coaching website blog. Mari has created a complete clinical packet for therapists in private practice, as well as group therapy forms, and freebies on her toolbox page as a support. For supportive information, materials and workshops, please visit: www.thecounselorscoach.com For further information and support, or if you are interested in hiring Mari as a speaker for your organization, event, TV, radio, or pod cast show, you may contact Mari at 818.521.4370, or reach her via email at:mari@thecounselorscoach.com
Jackie and Jon spoke with Kelly McDaniel recently about Mother Hunger and it's particular impact on women in sex addiction recovery- don't tune out men- this is good for you too! Kelly is a renowned Sex Addiction Therapist, Author (Ready to Heal: Breaking Free from Addictive Relationships), and Trauma Therapist. Buckle up and get ready to have more light shed on some of the darker corners of your psyche!
Be sure to get more of Kelly's work at www.kellymcdanieltherapy.com or at www.healingheartbreaktherapy.com You can get Kelly's Book here: http://www.gentlepath.com/product.php?productid=62
Jackie and Jon welcome Vicki Tidwell Palmer, author of Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts. Vicki, Jon and Jackie explore the nature and role of boundaries in recovery and Vicki offers some refreshing and useful perspectives on the experience and needs of betrayed partners.
Be sure to check out Vicki's website and blog for more on this conversation www.vickitidwellpalmer.com and www.vickitidwellpalmer.com/blog/ You can find her book on Amazon.com https://www.amazon.com/Moving-Beyond-Betrayal-Boundary-Solution/dp/1942094140/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510594898&sr=8-1&keywords=moving+beyond+betrayal
Dan Griffin talked with us recently about his work understanding men and men's issues. Dan is the host of the fantastic Man Rules Podcast and is known for his unique way of approaching men and men's issues. We talk about the concept of 'man rules' and 'women rules' and look at some recent events that highlight what is and isn't working with modern manhood.
You can connect with more of Dan's work at www.dangriffin.com or on Facebook @dangriffinma or on Twitter @authordgriffin.
Jackie and Jon sit down again with Amy Smith, the founder of Worth Recovery to talk recovery coaching. What is a Recovery Coach? How does coaching work with therapy and 12 steps? Answers to these questions and more!
You can find out more about Amy and the recovery coaching she does at www.worthrecovery.com
Jackie and Jon talk to nationally renowned author and treatment provider, Dr. Ken Adams. Ken is known for his groundbreaking and cutting-edge work with sex addicts and offers specific help to men who are dealing with issues related to unresolved relationships with their mothers. Ken helps the men who are trapped between loyalty to mom and loyalty to their partner get unstuck. Ken has written numerous books focused on helping addicts heal from sexual addiction such as When He's Married to Mom, Silently Seduced and Clinical Management of Sex Addiction. You can find out more about Ken and the work he does with mother-enmeshed men at www.drkenadams.com. His books are available on Amazon.com.
Sexism and assault are big topics in the news. Jon and Jackie discuss why understanding sexism and working on your issues with sexism is part of a well-rounded, relationship-focused recovery.
This episode is marked explicit because it does contain references to human sexuality and words that some might find offensive- we find that the material is still relevant to our audience and sometimes these topics are best served in frank, adult conversations
Jon and Jackie welcome Rob Weiss (@robweissmsw) to the podcast. Rob is an accomplished author, therapist, and advocate for sex addicts in recovery. Today we talk to Rob about his newest book Out of the Dog House: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating. Our conversation explores the experience of the spouse who has been cheated on as well as the experience of the person who has done the cheating including what happens for both at discovery/disclosure, initial steps to take for stabilization, and changes and growth that can happen in a relationship post-infidelity. You can find Rob at www.robertweissmsw.com
We are very excited to have our friend and nationally recognized expert on shame and sex addiction Doug Sorenson on the show. In this episode, Doug, Jon, and Jackie share some of their personal experiences with shame and Doug shares some insights around becoming more shame resilient.
You can find out more about Doug and his practice at https://www.dougsorensen.net/
This is the second installment of Jon and Jackie's side project- The Hidden Trauma Crash Course. In this episode, we discuss larger workplace dynamics and how they reflect family dynamics. Human beings have a way of carrying the shadow of their family relationship dynamics with them everywhere they go- even when it isn't helpful.
In the last episode in this series, Jon and Jackie talk about what life is like after having trust violated. Not everything after trauma is bad...
Jackie and Jon continue their conversation about trust- diving into the "Trust Equation" developed by Rodney Napier and Sarah Engel. You can get a copy of the trust equation by emailing thanksforsharingpodcast@gmail.com
We were recently contacted by someone married to a sex addict. They asked about how to work on trust as part of their healing. In this episode, we start to tackle the concept of trust. We will explore what trust is, how it gets damaged in addiction, and why it is difficult to work on in therapy. There are several approaches to understanding and restoring trust- we mentioned these in this episode: Brene Brown: The Anatomy of Trust https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewngFnXcqao&t=7s Forgiveness is a Choice by Robert Enright http://www.apa.org/pubs/books/431657A.aspx
We are very excited to have the founder of WORTH Recovery and the host of the podcast by the same name with us today. We talk to Amy about getting started in recovery and some of the unique considerations for women who are starting in recovery. You can get more of Amy at www.worthrecovery.com and find her podcast in the iTunes directory.
In this episode, Jackie and Jon share some personal stories that have been coming to the surface in their recent work with clients. They explore living in extremes, feeling like you are the adult, and more!
The last in our series about the 12 steps- Jackie and Jon explore the nature of the spiritual awakening and how the message is carried to others.
This episode is a preview of a new project Jackie and Jon are working on. In this episode, we explore how the workplace can get off-kilter when adult child traits and family of origin roles are being reenacted without awareness. Stay tuned to Thanks for Sharing in the coming months for more sneak peeks of "The Hidden Trauma Crash Course"
This step comes with some weighty words- "prayer" "meditation" "contact" and "God." Jon and Jackie explore some of the principles and practices associated with the 11th Step.
Step 10 represents where we go from damage clean up to the maintenance of our new lives in recovery. Jon and Jackie share some personal insights and stories related to taking daily inventory and promptly admitting mistakes.
Jon and Jackie read from various Big Books about the ins and outs of step 9- making amends where possible. Take a deep breath and get ready for a watershed moment in your recovery- working Step 9 opens a life you didn't know was possible before.
Lucas Krump is one of the other sides of the EVRYMAN project (we interviewed Dan Doty in a previous episode). Jackie and Jon talk with Lucas about his awakening and what his critical turning points have been.
Jon and Jackie continue their series on the 12 steps. Step 8 can feel huge and daunting because it centers around becoming willing to make amends to the people we have hurt. There's a reason why this is the 8th step and not the 1st step...
We're excited to have Dan Doty, one of the founders of Evryman and the host of the podcast by the same name. Dan talks about some of his moments of realization and what he is learning about what it means to be a man. You can learn more about Dan and the Evryman movement at evryman.co.
Jered S. shares his story of growing up as an Inupiat Tribe Member but never quite fitting in where he was at. Jered brings together faith, family, and finding your calling as he talks about his wake up call 8 years ago.
We are excited for our third ever guest- Rachel Smith, Director of Women in Motion out of Ogden, Utah (http://womeninmotion.website/). Rachel talks about the connection between physical health and emotional well being with touching and inspiring stories.
These resources were referenced in the podcast: Brene Brown Videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewngFnXcqao
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0&t=4s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-JXOnFOXQk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8&t=2s
"Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain" by John Ratey
Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works by Evelyn Tribole M.S. R.D. and Elyse Resch M.S. R.D. F.A.D.A.
Continuing our series on the 12 steps and exploring step 7 through the lens of several different fellowships- Jackie and Jon explore how we "Humbly ask God to remove our defects of character." Jackie shares a funny story about mixing up "humility" with "humiliation" - you don't want to miss this episode.
The momentum can feel like it really starts to shift in step 6. Jackie and Jon discuss what "defects of character" means- and examine some of the ways those defects manifest in less-than-obvious ways.
In Step 5, "we admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." Jackie and Jon explore what "exact nature" means as well as discuss the benefits of step 5 as presented in various big books.
In this episode, Jon and Jackie discuss the 4th step and the "big inventory" and how to take it in chunks. The fourth step can be where everything changes.
What does it mean to 'become willing to surrender...?' Jon and Jackie dive into step 3- looking at willingness and surrender through the lens of the 12 steps.
Jackie and Jon continue their series examining the 12 steps through different fellowshps' literature. Step two describes all of the ways that "we came to believe" and the ins and outs of what exactly is the nature of what we came to believe.
Jon and Jackie take a look at Step 1- across 8 different 12 step fellowships. Every fellowship has a little bit of a different approach and understanding to working the steps- most people will be benefited by learning about powerlessness and unmanageability from a few different angles.
We were privileged to have Jeff Zacharias, the President of New Hope Recovery in Chicago as a guest. Jeff talked about the intersection of trauma, addiction, and mental health in the LGBTQQI community- YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS EPISODE- Jeff's insights and work highlight the importance of having a safe, healthy, and connected recovery community.
You can learn more about Jeff and New Hope Recovery at http://www.new-hope-recovery.com/center and http://www.jeffzacharias.com/website/
We're back to another installment of "What's Missing?" In this episode we look at the fine art of argument- the ability to state your own feelings, position, wants, and needs, while hearing that of another's without becoming defensive or shut off. This ability is critical in healthy differentiated relationships.
There are many ways to get around working a rigorously honest recovery program and keeping recovery just on the edge. We explore the concept of forcing a helpful choice as it relates to healing from addiction.
Jackie and Jon explore the concept of "going through the front door" in recovery. This is a follow up to the series on being a functional adult where we further explore exactly what it looks like to be a functional adult in your day-to-day life.
Balance is ever-elusive for most of us. Functional adults have the ability to come from a centered place rather than the extremes. Jon and Jackie touch on some of the key moments in the growth of their therapy practice and learning to recognize what keeps them coming from the center.
The prompt for this episode is packed with many meaningful things to look at and to consciously work on. It has to do with taking responsibility for what you need and want and being able to responsibly fulfill your needs and wants. Jackie and Jon focus on the skill of asking for help and discuss anti-dependence vs. codependency.
Pia Mellody talks about funcional adults being able to own their own reality and to share it politically. In this episode- we dive into what exactly that means and why it is such a critical skill for emotional health. Jackie makes the distinction between reality and truth as we discuss how it feels to be grounded in our own reality while recognizing that reality may not be shared by others.
Jon and Jackie continue to discuss Pia Melody's concept of the functional adult. In this episode we explore the ability to set boundaries which limit external reality and which protect others from our internal reality when it can be harmful to them. This episode further develops what we talked about in our recent two part series on boundaries.