But Not All At Once: Recent Episodes
Anne Smith
Every last woman, even the glossy picture of perfection who intimidates you to bits, has a story that would stun you. It's time we hear it. Let's discuss it all, learn it all, figure it all out - but not all at once.
Welcome to 2023 and a metric ton of royal updates, flip-flopping opinions and journalistic analysis. Recently, royal-watching has been both a sociological study and a Rorschach test; what we see reveals much about us.
If you haven't heard the in-depth walk-through of H&M's first three docuseries episodes, listen to The Doc Without Drama before pressing play here. (BTW, an additional 100-minute royal rundown will be live tomorrow on Patreon as thanks for subscribing!)
I intended this to be a streamlined chat, but it's far less cohesive than a typical episode. And to be fair, if we were gathered in person with something to sip and snack on, the word count could have doubled easily. There's just so much to unpack.
Come back next week for a breakdown of Spare; the publicity gaffes that shifted my opinions; the next steps I'd advise, were H&M my clients; and how the most intense scrutiny since Diana's death may impact the monarchy itself and the family inside it.
Recent news stories mentioned:Lady Susan Hussey's bias, resignation & horrendous hostessing; her apology
Prince Harry's "kill number" & hopes of suicide prevention
Jeremy Clarkson's disgusting column
Royal family silent about Clarkson's vitriol
Disgraced Prince Andrew's security still paid for by family
Andrew included in family's annual Christmas stroll
Harry is first royal to reference his uncle's "shameful scandal"
Meghan given 30-point "how to be a princess" dossier pre-wedding
Royal episodes to explore:Don't Call It A Megxit (January 2020)
HRH No More: Sussexit’s Conclusion (January 2020)
Megs & Haz Take Hollywood (April 2020)
Finding Freedom: A Sussexit Book Report (August 2020)
A Royal Rundown: What Comes Next (February 2021)
Oprah, Harry, Meghan & Media Madness (March 2021)
"Lili? But...": A Baby's Name & a Brouhaha (June 2021)
Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love your thoughts, questions, ideas, and everything in between. You can find me at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or ButNotAllAtOnce.com.
For extra content, additional episodes, and upcoming details about possible 2023 in-person events, visit Patreon.
After a sabbatical, we're back with a quick-turnaround episode dissecting the first three episodes of the Sussexes' Netflix documentary. Come back next week for a breakdown of the final three!
We mix in a bit of history, context, caveats and perspective, but I anticipate a third episode will come post-documentary where we dive into the Queen's death and funeral; who's gotten new titles; who didn't inherit the ones they were promised; who's in danger of losing theirs; what King Charles' coronation could kick off; how Icky Andrew has been doing; and if Harry's memoir release next month will rock the monarchy or be more of the same.
Thanks for your patience, kindness, check-ins, conversations and constant presence in my life even when we're not sharing these conversations every week.
Excited to be back and chatting with you again! (So long as no one else tells me I'm sending people to hell or that my children deserve pity for having me as a mother. I touch on that story today and we'll explore a bit more later.)
Whether you agree with my royal ramblings or not, I welcome all pleasant and sane messages. Find me at butnotallatonce.com or @butnotallatonce. xoxo
Other royal episodes to explore:Don't Call It A Megxit (January 2020)
HRH No More: Sussexit’s Conclusion (January 2020)
Megs & Haz Take Hollywood (April 2020)
Finding Freedom: A Sussexit Book Report (August 2020)
A Royal Rundown: What Comes Next (February 2021)
Oprah, Harry, Meghan & Media Madness (March 2021)
"Lili? But...": A Baby's Name & a Brouhaha (June 2021)
Nothing about growing up is easy, whether you have kids or not. To be candid, my four children have done nothing but make clear how NOT grown up or prepared I am for the realities of life with children in 2022.
Today, Meg and Mary Flo of Birds & Bees are here to save us. And maybe our sanity and a whole lot of face while they're at it!
Every part of parenthood requires a deep bench and lots of backup. Today, I hope you'll hear how many folks are in your corner. Whether it's learning to label "vulva" with the same calm countenance as "elbow," your backup has arrived.
If you're ready for a deeper bench, word-for-word scripts, and even more help in talking to your kids about their weird, amazing bodies and the wild world of procreation, Meg and Mary Flo are offering But Not All At Once listeners a discount!
Use BUTNOT20 as a discount code to receive 20% off their online course for parents of kids up to 10 years old.
The aim is to get ahead of these topics, establish yourself as an expert, and have many small conversations with your children instead of one awkward big one. We're getting rid of "The Talk" and invite you to join us in a "But Not All At Once" approach to the birds and the bees!
There aren’t words for today, just loosely connected thoughts and a deep, aching well of feelings. If you need a friend’s voice right now, here’s one. 💗
This episode was released earlier today on Patreon.
Do women have hobbies? Do grown-ups know how to blow off steam? Is it possible to relax while both doing and NOT doing something?
Let's dive in to what spring break could look like for grown-ups. Come back later this week for a meatier interview; in the meantime, let's imagine we've rented the largest beach house known to mankind and dedicated each room to a different fantastic activity. (Yes, napping is an activity.)
I can't wait to hear what the perfect solo spring break would look like for you? (Solo meaning no partner, no kids, no pets, no mortgages, no responsibilities. Just you, maybe some like-minded ladies, and oodles of the snacks of your choice.)
xoxo,
A.
It wasn't an announced break, but we WERE on a break - and now it's over. Delighted to catch back up with you about how I've been, how you've been, how the world has been (eep), what the royals are up to, and what we can expect in the months ahead.
Have missed you, friends!
Episodes mentioned:
Margot Guy's Long Road to Motherhood
Oprah's Sussex Interview
The update to Margot's episode will be available on Patreon early next month!
If you'd like to participate in the "Postcards as Pick-Me-Ups" project, keep your eyes on my Instagram. Can't wait to send them everywhere!! xoxo
In the midst of a challenging season (say, facing your high school sweetheart's metastatic cancer diagnosis), it can be hard to see anything beyond the moment ahead. Envisioning the future, or even making it through the next step, can seem downright impossible.
Megan Scherer knows that feeling well, and her family has used it to change the lives of others'. The Scherers' charity, Worth the Wait, provides emotional and financial support for cancer patients hoping to preserve their fertility or, once their health allows, grow their families through IUI, IVF, surrogacy or adoption.
A single question from a doctor led Megan's husband to bank his sperm and leave the Scherers' options open post-cancer. Even so, it took seven IUIs and countless prayers before they were able to meet their miracle baby, Elliott. Though their initial hope had been to have a second baby, Megan says that isn't in the cards - and counsels friends, family, and curious fellow parents not to pry into others' family-planning.
The Scherers' story is one of healing, hope, and offering the same to others. You can support Worth the Wait here and learn more about its work on Instagram.
To support this podcast, visit our Patreon.If you'd like to subscribe to our forthcoming e-newsletter (think: royal gossip; is Jamie Lynn Spears a villain or a victim; what's your winning Wordle strategy; and how many times do people need to post their scores before they feel good about their puzzle-solving skillz?), visit ButNotAllAtOnce.comand drop your email address in the pop-up box.
Chat with you soon! xo, A
Here's an extra chat for you this week based on a through-line in my conversations this week. My colleagues and friends (and I) seem to be feeling, thinking, crying over, looking like and worrying about things that may resonate with you too.
Listen first, and then have a cookie. Take a nap. Send someone else a chicken pot pie. Ask for a break. Cry all the tears. Punch some pillows. Give yourself a sanity walk. DM me. Allow yourself to be an unkempt, actual hot mess - not an Instagram one. Or put on makeup and fluff your hair if that helps you! Just cope as you can.
Grief can be a form of worship. At its heart, I believe, grief is gratitude - and right now we're all grieving something. Let's not do it alone.
xoxo,
Anne, who's trying
In April 2019, Meredith Jaggard was fearless enough to join But Not All At Once as our first-ever guest. The podcast was just a concept then, and by pouring out her heart and her story, Meredith started it with a bang. Now she's back for more.
Today we talk about the lives her words changed, an obituary I had to write, pandemic weight gain, modern marriage, and uprooting your whole life a second time to build a new one.
Learn how she moved (again!) and continued to battle MS during Covid; how "newborn" Ellie is doing; what quarantine was like in a 900 square foot apartment in a new city; her reaction to her husband being asked if MS makes Meredith a "burden"; and what she thinks about your post-Covid beach body.
This conversation was an absolute delight. Hopefully I muted all my typing as I furiously recorded her every quotable line! I also muted a few "adult" words - not because she didn't deserve to say them, or because I don't agree with her, but because I know you're probably used to playing our chats in carline.
Since we recorded this conversation last summer for Patreon, Meredith has an even newer title: Executive Director for the UC Hastings Alumni Association at UC Hastings Law. She also just began a doctoral program at (the West Coast) USC yesterday. No, I don't know how she juggles it all - but her honesty about things will reassure you that she's one of us.
Who's starting the Meredith Jaggard Admiration Society, and do you need a president? (Start by finding her on Instagram as @meredithjaggard.)
Other upcoming and returning guests, you'll hear mentioned:
Mamie Morgan, who just got a book deal and made us all cry
Kim Jamieson Crafton, a newlywed who owes us an update after her "singleness" episode
Marquin Campbell, an artist whose family adventured in Spain through Covid
Margot Guy, whose long road to motherhood has a new and happy chapter
Brooke Turner's story may be But Not All At Once's most downloaded episode ever - and for good reason. Describing herself as a "student of hope" despite unexpected widowhood and terminal cancer, Brooke shared words I revisit whenever I need a little perspective and a few hours with a friend.
Today Brooke's sister, Liz, finishes her story with an update on the grieving, healing, joy-filled Turner/Fisher family of eight. She and her husband now have six children from third to sixth grades, and their life is as hectic and wonderful as it sounds. This week we pick up just before Brooke's passing and six weeks before the kick-off of Covid.
If you're a Patreon subscriber, be sure your email address is up-to-date in your subscription! Later this month we'll launch an e-newsletter to chat about the awkward, insightful, intimate, or downright embarrassing stories too personal to share on the podcast at large. Plus book and movie recommendations, the best advice we never took, what we wish we could say to our younger selves and more.
Patreon listeners will also hear updates this winter from beloved former guests April Robson, whom many of us have kept close to our hearts in recent months, and Margot Guy, whose long journey to motherhood has a delightful new chapter to share!
Thanks for checking in over the podcast's holiday break; I'm excited to be back. See y'all here next week and on Instagram until then! xoxo
Brooke Turner's story may be But Not All At Once's most downloaded episode ever - and for good reason. Describing herself as a "student of hope" despite young, unexpected widowhood and a terminal cancer diagnosis, Brooke chose her words carefully and meant every one of them. It's a conversation I revisit when I need a few hours with a friend, and one of the great privileges of my life.
Today Brooke's sister, Liz, steps away from her very full plate to give us an update on the Turner/Fisher family of eight. She and her husband are rearing six children from third to sixth grades while juggling moves, memories, grief, healing, and a metric passel of farm animals.
Next week you'll hear even more from Liz on what Covid, lockdown, a sabbatical, six e-learners and a new farm brought her beautiful blended family.
If you're a Patreon subscriber, be sure to listen to this week's bonus episode there! It's called "Things I Haven't Been Honest About Yet," and it's as revealing as it sounds. (Insert cringe emoji.)
See y'all here next week! xoxo
Amber Michels, founder of The Peace of Mind Project and the forthcoming Lighthouse Effect, joins But Not All At Once to talk about women and work.
Things you'll hear us touch on:
-What is the Great Resignation, and why is it happening now?
-"It isn't that complicated." Treating employees like humans, not machines, changes everything.
-There's no such thing as a non-working mom.
-Parental leave, healthy work environments, and work-life balance benefit employees regardless of whether or not they have children.
-Caretaking is valuable, unpaid work - work largely done by women, whether they are mothers or not.
-Women are loyal workers and emotionally connected to their work. Creating environments where they can thrive matters.
You can learn more about The Peace of Mind Project here. Amber's newest layer of support for moms, The Lighthouse Effect, will debut its first woman-focused empowerment retreat from January 28th to 30th in downtown Greenville, SC. The weekend of yoga, dinners, connection, conversation - all things we need! - will also feature panel speakers like our very own Anne Smith. Follow The Lighthouse Effect on Instagram to learn more as details emerge.
To support But Not All At Once, and to hear next week's subscriber-only episode on narcissism and toxic relationships, visit our Patreon page.
In genuine irony, this episode was delayed a week after things did not in fact get easier. With both a new puppy and a new business, things felt flat-out wild. But we're back, and I'm reminding us all of what gets easier over time, just in case it's hard to imagine from deep in the trenches.
If you saw my list on Instagram, you'll have a preview of what I mean. Parts of life, decision-making, body issues, communicating, self-care and even parenting do get easier over time. (Conversely, parts of parenting get more complicated and challenging over time too, so stay tuned on that front.)
Overall, this is the antidote to my Things That Are Not Awesome video posted to Patreon yesterday.
In today's episode, you'll hear me mention upcoming follow-up episodes with Brooke Turner's sister Liz; April Robson; Kim Jamieson; and an update from first-ever guest Meredith Jaggard that already lives on Patreon.
If you didn't catch my recent interview on the Mama Needs podcast, please listen to the mix of self-care and '90s nostalgia I wax poetic about there; I believe every word. You can find it, as well as a few other interviews, on the As Seen On section of my website.
Woven into today's chat are a few aspects of our family's story that may make more sense if you listen to background episodes from September 2020 (an interview by April Robson) and September 2021. If you're facing a hard season or swimming through the unthinkable, I hope they provide you a glimmer of hope. That said, you know best what you need; read each summary to determine if the content is more than your heart can handle in a tender spot.
You know where to find me until next week, friends... xoxo
October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and today But Not All At Once dives into the story of Katie Alice Walker and her beautiful third baby, Jayne.
Katie Alice walks us through the shock and grief of an unexpected diagnosis and the joy of meeting a child whose name has been spoken by an entire community in prayer.
There's beauty to be found even in the uncertain, unforeseen and just plain hard; Katie Alice's words are a testament to that.
Whether your family has faced similar news, you want to support a friend in the trenches, or you hope to be an example of inclusion in your community, this discussion is for you.
A few books Katie Alice recommends:
Authentically Addie
You're All Kinds of Wonderful
Different - A Great Thing to Be!
Almost Twins: A Story About Friendship and Inclusion
If you're a parent who wants to connect with the Walkers, you can reach Katie Alice at @kacwalker on Instagram. As always, you can reach Anne at butnotallatonce.com or @butnotallatonce across social platforms.
To support the podcast and hear monthly bonus episodes, subscribe to Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.
If you enjoy But Not All At Once, would you please leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts? It elevates the podcast, gives potential guests a window into the show, and means the world!
Meredith Puckett joins But Not All At Once to answer listener questions about grief, loss, and the seemingly easy task of "feeling your feelings." It's everyone's go-to advice for women facing divorce, life change, loss, or parenting in a pandemic, but how exactly how do we do it?
(For reference and as a caution for anyone who may need it, this episode includes general themes of grief around separation, divorce, and pregnancy/infant loss.)
Later this month, Meredith will be on the podcast's Patreon for a more intimate discussion of narcissism, abuse, unhealthy relationships, and finding freedom. Anne's emails and DMs are open for your anonymous stories and questions.
Your thoughts will be in good company; Meredith and Anne will touch on experiences from their own lives and circles of friends. To join the conversation and support the podcast, subscribe at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.
Podcasts to Listen to:
· Last week's But Not All At Once episode, "What If You're Still Broken?"
· Grief is a Sneaky B!tch
· Grief Out Loud
· Grief Is My Side Hustle
· Grieving Moms Podcast
· The Mother of All Losses
· While We Are Waiting: Hope After Child Loss
· Surviving Divorce Podcast
· Brené Brown's Unlocking Us episode, "On Grief and Finding Meaning"
Books to Read:
· Good Grief by Granger Westberg
· It’s OK That You Are Not OK by Megan Devine
· Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore
· Grieving is Loving by Joanne Cacciatore
If you enjoy But Not All At Once, would you please leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts? It elevates the podcast, gives potential guests a window into the show, and just plain means the world!
September 27th is a day Anne's body remembers each year, even if her brain doesn't quite catch up to it. This bonus episode dives into grief, miscarriage, trauma, guilt when you don't feel grateful "enough," and why you don't have to be useful to be worthy.
You can read more of these words at Anne's blog, from a previous lifetime, on the subject.
Mamie Morgan is a poet, educator and entrepreneur with an eye for design and a passion for accepting people as they are. Today she talks to But Not All At Once about finding grown-up love; the beauty of blooming late; grieving a parent; and building a life more beautiful (but quite different) than you imagined.
You can read Mamie's poetry at mamiemorgan.com and visit Opal Bride in West Greenville or at opalbride.com.
To support the work of But Not All At Once, hear bonus episodes, and watch the podcast's first video chat, visit Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.
You’ll hear Mamie reference Sangeeta Hardy’s, Katie Walters’, and Meredith Jaggard’s episodes, which are all worth a listen. Meredith’s was our very first episode, and her August 2021 hour-long update (buckle up and grab a pen to write down everything she says!) is live on Patreon now.
Find Anne at @butnotallatonce on pretty much every social media platform, and don't blame her if TikTok's algorithm sucks you in with a vengeance.
Talk to you next week! xoxo
Today's episode is a smorgasbord of topics requested by our little Instagram community.
First up, the Murdaugh (pronounced "Murdock") murders right here in South Carolina. This is a tragic, complicated, ready-for-Netflix story. I recommend you dive into Mandy Matney's podcast to catch up on years of Lowcountry legal entanglements, unfortunate deaths and mysterious happenings.
Next, the Time 100 cover featuring Harry, Meghan and a boatload of memes about their pose. Also, Britney Spears' engagement and subsequent Instagram exit; the end of Rachel Hollis' Rise conference; the LuLaRich documentary series; the Met gala history and fashion; favorite fall movies; and my personal must-make soup recipes to be whipped up the moment temps drop below 80.
Links! Links! Links!
20% off on nap dresses and anything Hill House HomeBest butternut squash soup recipe ever. Don't @ me.
Pioneer Woman's white bean chicken chili. Add cornbread, invite me, and enjoy.
At-home Sbux Medicine Ball dupe: One Teavana Jade Citrus Mint tea bag and one Teavana Peach Tranquility tea bag. Add warm lemonade (or lemon juice and water), then honey. Voila! Support the work of But Not All At Once via Patreon**, where you can access bonus episodes, videos, and guest follow-ups.
Talk to you next week! xoxo**
Shakespeare wrote that "the course of true love never did run smooth." While they could apply to any facet of life, these words may encapsulate best the exhaustion and adventure of parenting.
That's certainly the case for Tinsley Maness and her son, Hart. What started smoothly when her second child was born soon changed course, planting a desire to advocate not only for him, but also for others outside the "typical."
You'll hear Tinsley speak of Hart's school, the Meyer Center, and Greenville's newest non-profit, Kind of the Upstate. Both organizations are worth your time and support.
To support the stories and work of But Not All At Once, hear bonus episodes, and watch our first video chats, visit Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.
If you too have been influenced by friends, targeted ads or professional influencers to make all manner of purchases, you'll find good company, reviews and regrets here.
Stay tuned to the end, where I absolutely mean what I say - I'm here. Tell me what you'd like to hear: uplifting or heavy, relatable or aspirational, real-world or nostalgic. You're not in the trenches, whatever your trench may be, by yourself.
Sarah Shell spent three years in law school, passed the bar and began a promising legal career in a Savannah office with a river view. Something was missing, though...
Today Sarah and I walk through her "non-linear" path to owning a floral design studio whose first dedicated space opened just before Covid hit. We talk about finding your path, starting over, and letting others take a chance on you.
You can find Sarah at Fern Studio in Columbia, South Carolina, where she brightens locals' days with porch drop deliveries, flash floral installations, and gorgeous events.
If you stay to hear my "outro" chat, tell me! I don't often touch on day-to-day events, and I'm wondering if your brain needs a break by the end of a chatty hour?
To support But Not All at Once and see its first-ever video episode this weekend, join our Patreon community. Former surrogate Brittney Bolt, now carrying her fourth child after delivering twins for strangers, will dish with me on the good, the bad and the ridiculous of baby names!
P.S. Thank you for a QUARTER OF A MILLION listens! Having your ear for an hour a week is a privilege that isn't lost on me, and it's a gift to share women's stories with the world. xoxo
When I came across Laura's TikTok content earlier this month, I knew she'd make the perfect podcast guest. As @thatdarnchat on social media, she puts words to the epidemic of exhaustion I've seen in friends and strangers alike over the years. You see it too: wives, mothers, and working women crumbling under the weight of invisible labor, unrealistic expectations, and unspoken hopes for parenthood and marriage.
In today's episode, you'll hear us praise the men in our lives, break down the patterns that don't serve us or our marriages, and unpack how we (the collective we) can add more rest, joy and life into the years ahead.
A few resources we mention:
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong
Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue by Christia Spears Brown
But Not All At Once, Episode 48: The Invisible List Clogging Up Your Brain
Find us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!
Suzy Dover spends her days guiding elementary schoolers through the ins and outs of technology, then comes home to do the same with her own children.
One question the instructional technology coach answers more than any other is, "How do I keep my kids safe online?" In today's episode, we answer just that - and it starts at a far more foundational level than parental controls or security apps.
Suzy explains her philosophy of technology as communication; how children are the same online and off; in what ways to give them boundaries and control over their digital lives; and how adults can model what we want to see in our children when it comes to social media.
So much of parenting we're prepared to do from conception: buy car seats, prepare nutritious meals, keep them warm and safe and fed. Feeling the urge to swaddle them in bubble wrap when it comes to technology makes sense - but it isn't practical.
This is the world we live in; so how do we make it safe, healthy and kind? I loved thinking through this with Suzy, not to mention chatting about Little House on the Prairie, Hocus Pocus, and how our children will spill every last detail of our home lives to any teacher who will listen.
Mentioned in today's discussion:
Common Sense Media
Episode with parenting coach Mary Van Geffen
Episode with intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris
One night can change everything. Abby Banks, this week's guest, put her healthy infant son to sleep, but the next morning, he was paralyzed. Without warning, a rare autoimmune disease attacked his spinal cord; there was no cure or road map for healing from his diagnosis, transverse myelitis, short of a miracle.
Abby walks us through the life she envisioned for Wyatt, and the one her son has today. Rather than facing the unknown full of fear, the Banks family finds joy in every gift - including the freedom and possibilities Wyatt's wheelchair provides.
Whether you are waiting for a miracle, frustrated and facing challenges, or ready to celebrate every good thing in your life, this conversation will move you. Follow But Not All At Once on Instagram for a giveaway of Abby's book, Love Him Anyway, later this week.
"I could drown myself in a sea of anger because life hasn't turned out the way I planned, but I know that life is a gift, and I want to fight to make ours amazing, no matter what it looks like..."
-from Love Him Anyway
When I recall the beauty standards of my formative years, I think of two Kates, one Fiona, and my beloved (but sometimes side-eyed) Friends.
Kate Moss, the queen of heroin chic; headlines decrying "overweight" Kate Winslet; Fiona Apple, unshowered, underfed, and undressed on a dirty carpet in her "Criminal" video; and Friends' lazy punchlines about Monica in a fat suit.
Not to mention Bridget Jones' topping out at 140lbs in her panicked diet diary entries or Renee Zellwegger's "brave" weight gain to portray her. Nor the worrisomely slim women of Ally McBeal. Or Regina George's puffer coat masquerading as an upsetting weight gain plot point in Mean Girls.
Today Kristen Watson and I tackle pop culture and marketing; body image, positivity and diversity; whether we've left '90s beauty standards behind us; and the upside of social media's portrayal of everyday women and the many kinds of beauty they hold.
Get ready for a ride that touches on:
1. Britney's nude-and-crystal body stocking, J Lo's green Versace dress, and why 2000s fashion made a woman's body the ultimate accessory.
2. What is normal versus what's normalized. (Do you hear Oprah saying that in her "silent or silencedddd" voice?)
3. The puzzle of compliments - how to use our words to build up the people we find beautiful.
4. The pressure of being perceived. We know when we're being sized up, measured, and found lacking/worthwhile. What do we do about it?
5. Supergoop's Handscreen SPF and what kind of dunce falls for it.
6. Why middle school boys called me Tic-Tac Girl, and how I feel about it today.
7. Whether the "COVID 15" jokes can go away now.
8. The "we don't care what you look like or what you're wearing - just come!" disclaimer every post-pandemic invite needs.
9. Why lacking visible ribs and tan lines was once considered a status symbol - but also why archaic beauty standards are still everywhere.
10. Our moms could just toss the VS catalogs if they didn't want us to see them. What does that look like in a modern world?
JUICY BONUS: Kristen's teen heartthrob boyfriend who shared a set with Jessica Biel while they dated, and whose face makes me cringe now.
Though we touch on the Victoria's Secret/VS Collective rebrand here, the remaining hour (yes, we have thoughts) is live on Patreon now. It'll take me a minute to come down from visiting the high of visiting the touring Friends set today; I'm basically Penny Lane-level groupie for that traveling orange Central Perk couch.
So many future chats may have been born in this hour: A Notebook/Mean Girls breakdown. The history and frustrating glory of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit cover. (Yay, someone who looks less emaciated is on the cover, but is this our ultimate goal?) What Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera could have accomplished if the media hadn't positioned them as enemy rivals. The list goes on - and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Find us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!
You can't be an expert on living. Perhaps intuitive eating, child-rearing, business, style, fitness - any number of things that require licenses, credentials or letters after your name. But living? Hmm. Perhaps that's how we got into a "personal development" situation.
After our first Rachel Hollis discussion, there was a clamor to dive in a bit deeper, so here we are. Let's talk masterful word salad, accountability versus cancel culture, platforms versus pedestals, and what it means to be authentic.
Can't wait to hear your thoughts! xoxo
Lilibet Diana Mountbatten-Windsor arrived ten days ago; a press release and a flurry of headlines marked her debut. This week we delve into royal names, royal gossip, my baby-naming preferences and strategy, and more.
Next we'll dive into Rachel Hollis' return to (and quick retreat from) social media on Patreon. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Parenting coach Mary Van Geffen guides folks daily through the process of raising "spicy" kids. Want to really get her going? Talk about the societal pressure to be a "good" mom, and the many meaningless, artificial and external markers that indicate what success looks like for modern parents.
Mary unpacks and refutes every bit of that. I wish I could quote our entire conversation, but you'll just have to listen yourself.
We cover every Southern woman's weakness; the perpetual pleasers who seek her guidance; why the key to a happy home is in us, not our children; and (in an exercise that brings me to tears) how to create a relationship our grown children will rush home to each Thanksgiving.
You'll learn about being the calmest person in the room (yep, it's possible!), running stressful moments through the "babysitter test," and why a selfless martyr of a mom is no good for anyone.
So what DOES success look like in raising children? Mary's perspective may change your whole approach to parenting.
Resources mentioned:Mary Van Geffen's website and InstagramThe Gottman Institute feeling wheel
Brittney Bolt, our Enneagram 7 guest, on being a surrogate for strangers
Meredith Jaggard, prioritizing herself and her marriage while parenting and kicking MS square in the teeth
Kate Morris, our intuitive eating expert, on bringing peace to the family table
Do Less by Kate Northrup
Try Softer by Aundie Kolber
Erin H. Moon's Instagram
Support But Not All At Once via our Patreon, where you can catch an hour-long update (and a metric ton of inspiration) from Meredith Jaggard, plus videos, giveaways, upcoming guest Q&As, and more.
As always, you can find Anne at hello@butnotallatonce.com and @butnotallatonce across social media platforms.
As Mental Health Awareness Month ends, we talk with Tanya Camunas about how families can break generational cycles; what makes healing from trauma possible; how communities can preserve families and support their children's mental health; and why families of every socioeconomic status struggle.
More than an executive director far removed from her field, Tanya herself is in therapy to heal from childhood trauma. Adopted at two after neglect and abuse from parents with untreated mental illnesses, she is a living example to the families she serves.
Learn more about A Child's Haven and its work at achildshaven.org.
Resources mentioned include:
Ashley Adams: Surviving a Spouse’s Substance Abuse episode
Dr. Nika White: Diversity & Inclusion episode
Catherine Schumacher: Public Education Partners episode
The ACES questionnaire
Right Now, I Am Fine: Tanya’s favorite children’s book for stress, anxiety and struggles
Institute for Child Success
Children’s Trust of South Carolina
ACH's Recommended Resources for Families
Support the work of But Not All At Once with a $3 subscription to Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes and videos. (Psst: Meredith Jaggard’s kicking-MS-in-the-teeth hour of inspiration and updates goes live there this week!)
As always, you can reach Anne at hello@butnotallatonce.com, find the podcast via @butnotallatonce across social platforms, and learn more at butnotallatonce.com.
Author Ashley Adams is a happily married mother of three; if you saw her around her Virginia hometown, you'd never guess what she's survived.
Today Ashley shares her years-long struggle to decide if she should leave or stay in her first marriage to a man who secretly battled alcoholism. With two toddlers, she became a single mother who would eventually walk them through the loss of their father to his addiction.
Unable to find the resources she needed, Ashley wrote her own; you can find her books here or connect with Ashley on Instagram.
But Not All At Once has also addressed changing your relationship with alcohol, whether it's an addiction or a habit you want to re-examine, in an episode with sobriety coach Kim Banks.
Please know that there is zero judgment in our community. Seeking support is incredibly brave; there can absolutely be change, hope, and brighter days ahead. If you need help addressing substance abuse, please call 1-800-662-HELP.
Moved by this episode? Send your own questions for Ashley to hello@butnotallatonce.com, and look for her follow-up discussion this summer on Patreon.
But Not All At Once will be back with a Prince Harry/Armchair Expert podcast breakdown soon, as well as an update from our first-ever guest, Meredith Jaggard, on Patreon next week. A $3 Patreon subscription gets you extra episodes, videos, giveaways, and catch-ups with fan favorites like Meredith. And it makes the work we do possible. Thank you!
Our 95th episode focuses on a topic listeners have requested for months: faith. Where does one start? How can you deconstruct a lifetime of beliefs and rebuild new, deeper ones? What role does spirituality have in modern society? How has the need to congregate changed during Covid?
Rev. Kendra Plating and I could have discussed this for days, but in an hour we touch on women in church leadership; healing from church or childhood trauma; deconstructing from a legalistic Christian background; listening to perspectives even if you don't agree with them; the importance of self-reflection and serving those around you; and finding freedom from what ties us down.
I hope you'll hear this conversation as just that - a discussion, not a sermon. There are so many more questions to address, which we'll do on Patreon with Kendra this summer. Today you'll hear her reference authors Barbara Brown Taylor, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Anne Lamott, Richard Rohr and Henri Nouwen; you'll also hear us mention Beth Moore and Tim Keller.
Until we hear from Kendra again, look for our very first guest ever, Meredith Jaggard, to share updates on her move across the country to beat MS. (If you haven't listened to her episode, now's the time!) Her "next chapter" chat will be on Patreon in two weeks, and I can't wait to share how she's kicking MS in the teeth and starting from scratch all over again with another move for her little family.
Have questions? Thoughts? Reach out via DM or at hello@butnotallatonce.com.
Support the work of our podcast with a $3 Patreon subscription to get more episodes, guest follow-ups, videos and more. We appreciate your listens, shares, reviews and messages of encouragement!
(A little caveat: It's Mother's Day week. If you're in a tender spot around parenthood, loss, or pregnancy, be gentle with yourself and pick another episode. Shoot me a DM and we'll find just the words you need to hear today.)
"Ten in ten." That's how Margot Guy describes the losses she and her husband, TJ, have faced in a decade of trying to grow their family. Nearly six years after becoming parents to a baby girl born halfway across the world, thanks to a surrogate in Mumbai, the Guy family of three hopes to expand once more. This chapter of their story is still in process.
Still in the thick of her story, Margot's words will encourage you, equip you to help friends walking this same path, and remind you of the simple gifts of motherhood, community and resilience.
As you'll hear in today's episode, Margot is mid-IVF cycle, preparing for a second round of gestational surrogacy. We plan to have her back on our Patreon channel with updates as she has them.
Support But Not All At Once and give more women like Margot the chance to tell their stories by subscribing to Patreon.com/butnotallatonce.
As always, you can find Anne at @butnotallatonce or hello@butnotallatonce.com.
Since discovering Dear Abby in the early '90s, my dream has been to have an advice column. Giving people wisdom you'd never live out yourself - how does adulthood get better than that?
Here we dive into an hour of DMs, comments and other listener submissions ranging from unwanted houseguests, post-COVID socializing, brides as centers of the universe, body boundaries, managing post-divorce dating expectations, naming babies, planning your family size, why there should be two different Mother’s Days, and handling a toxic workplace.
Want to keep my childhood dreams alive? Submit your own questions to hello@butnotallatonce.com.
If you've loved our content or been moved by a story shared here, subscribe at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce for just $3 a month to hear extra episodes and bring more compelling guests to our virtual dining room table.
Spoiler alert: Sangeeta Hardy is snuggling a baby as you read this. The decade of her life before meeting her daughter, however, brought hurdle after hurdle: infertility, miscarriage, surrogacy, potential adoption, grief amidst marriage, wincing at baby shower invitations, and hours of therapy to prove that feelings deserve to be felt, not compartmentalized.
You'll love Sangeeta's assertion that, while immensely grateful, she didn't need this happy ending to be happy. Her friends taught her lessons that she's ready to share with you - about dragging sad women to tropical islands and not giving up on them even when they're "unraveling."
If you too have found the courage to admit, "I'm sad," this episode is for you.
Find out more at @butnotallatonce or butnotallatonce.com. Support our work on Patreon and get ready for giveaways, extra guest access, and even more women's stories in our community there.
Let's talk about the recent Khloe Kardashian kerfuffle. An (allegedly) unedited swimsuit photo of her made its way to Instagram via her grandmother; the whirlwind that ensued convinced many that Khloe suffers as intensely from body dysmorphia as her followers, who consume the family's typically Photoshopped content, do.
In this episode we dissect the weird mix of culpability (you create the beauty standards you suffer from, Khloe!) and compassion (unrelenting media scrutiny and decades of bullying) around this topic.
We touch on growing up in the '90s, when Kate Winslet was "Titanic-sized" and every sitcom's "fat friend" was a hefty size 6 or 8. We dive into diet culture, body dysmorphia, unreasonable expectations for women's appearances, and how we shake off these shackles to heal the next generation.
This episode first launched on Patreon, where you can get access to additional podcast content while supporting the work of But Not All At Once.
A long-promised mini pep talk for women bringing home their second babies. You know just enough to worry yourself sick, but not enough to feel confident that you can do this once again. Let me be the voice who reminds you: You. Sure. Can.
You may be wondering if your world is about to be flipped upside down again. Can you love another small human? Who will need you most? How can you ever, in a moment of double tears, pick one over the other? How will you find the guts to ask for help? What should you say to yourself when no one's around to buoy your sleepy spirits?
Step one: Listen to this pep talk from But Not All At Once's first week.
Step two: Remember you've made it, blindfolded and brand new at parenting, out of the woods before. You can do it again, even if the terrain is different.
Step three: Ask for help. Spell out what you need. Nap without guilt. Wave the white flag without wavering. People are in your corner.
The fact that you're here, hoping to do your best, means you're phenomenal at this job. I'm proud of you. xoxo
If talker's block were a thing, I'd have the opposite. SO many things to tell you and so little time before your AirPods need charging.
After last week's rollicking Rachel Hollis rundown, we have oodles of new folks and a number of longtime listeners who may not know the who/what/why on Earth is this girl pulling life stories out of every woman she's ever met?
So here's a quick peek into my brain and chapter one of a (fifteen-part, believe it or not) series that'll continue on Patreon.
We'll cover motherhood, marriage, emergency surgery, birth "defects," miscarriage, high-risk pregnancy, PTSD, grief, denial, gratitude-mixed-with-genuine-heartache, skull fracture, premature birth, unwelcome genetic testing results, NICU stays, developmental delays, failure to thrive, friends who know just what to do, questioning yourself, lying to the world, carrying on as a functioning adult when your life is crumbling - all of it.
This is part one, plus a preview of the next stretch of content for But Not All At Once: more personal stories from women you haven't met yet, another deep dive into Rachel Hollis, a Khloe Kardashian/beauty culture/compassion/culpability/damaging 1990s aesthetics breakdown and more.
You can support our work and get early access to more content at Patreon.com/butnotallatonce. Thanks for being here!
Here's a spicy take to start your weekend! Get the rundown on the brouhaha around Rachel Hollis' careless condescension and oblivious "apology" this week.
We walk through personal development gurus, hypocrisy, privilege, cancel culture, consequences, accountability, growth, and the kiss of death in personal relationships (and public ones too).
Support the podcast at Patreon.com/butnotallatonce, where we'll be tackling the toxic combination of body dysmorphia, beauty standards (both the creation and upholding of them), fame and Photoshop in Khloe Kardashian's recent photo kerfuffle.
Can't wait to hear your thoughts! As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce and butnotallatonce.com.
xoxo
Artist Lacey Hennessey joins us to talk money, courage, fulfillment, optimism and whether Beyonce has more hours in the day than the rest of us. (She doesn't, but she DOES pay a lot of people to do things you might enjoy doing yourself.)
Whether you have a secret dream you'd love to pursue, wonder how much money "starving" artists can actually make, or want to stop caring what others think, Lacey's infectious attitude may be just what you need.
Need specific advice or encouragement? Lacey will join us on Patreon for a listener Q&A later this month! Just email or DM your questions my way.
You can find Lacey at hennesseyinthehome.com or @hennesseyinthehome across social media platforms.
Look for our hustle culture/cancel culture/contrition/condescension/Rachel Hollis controversy episode before the weekend to dissect the other side of influencers, optimism and entrepreneurship - what happens when it all goes wrong.
As always, you can support the work of But Not All At Once on Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes, additional content, and more access to guests like Lacey.
Imagine you're at a playground when your child toddles over to a girl in a wheelchair and asks, in all sincerity, why she can't walk. Do you dig a hole in the sandbox and hide? Shush him and scurry away? Join them both for a conversation and some toy-sharing?
Greenville mom and advocate Cat Stevens hopes you'll do the latter. And while you're there, she'd love you to ask about all three of her children - two "typical" and one with differences both visible and unseen.
You'll hear the joy in Cat's voice as she discusses 11-year-old Halle, her family's search for answers, and loving the first person on Earth diagnosed with her genetic condition. She cautions us not to let the fear of saying the wrong thing push us to say nothing at all. Kindness, curiosity and inclusion are always welcome.
You can follow Halle's story on her CaringBridge page here. You'll hear us reference Meredith Bugenske's and April Robson's stories, which are featured in episodes 72 and 14/15, respectively.
Find us at @butnotallatonce across social platforms and at the podcast's brand spanking new website!
Intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris, whose gentle wisdom we first heard last May in episode 56, is back for a much-needed discussion about parenting children (and re-parenting ourselves) to become healthy, happy eaters who trust themselves.
We're drowning in messages about eating perfectly, feeding our children "well," and controlling our diet. But if our kids are 242% more likely to develop eating disorders than type 2 diabetes as teens, how do we teach them to respect, trust and fuel themselves? Kate's has been the voice in my head since last summer; I am delighted to lend her to you once again.
We'll continue this discussion on body image, health at every size, and all things intuitive eating on Patreon, so be sure to send me your questions for Kate! You can subscribe, support our work, and listen in at patreon.com/butnotallatonce.
To connect with Kate Morris, MSW, M.Div., visit intuitiveeating.org/certified-counselors/.
All right, friends. The Sussexes spilled it. Every last drop. Now what? Let's talk it out!
Here's a rundown, a breakdown and a few follow-ups.
This episode was released Monday evening on Patreon for subscriber to get an early listen. (I note this because even more headlines have emerged since that time. Just you wait; we'll chat about them too.)
Look for a new pep talk later this week! Until then, you can support the podcast by joining Patreon.com/ButNotAllatOnce for extra episodes, guest access, video discussions, live hang-outs and more.
Want to chat? Find me at butnotallatonce@gmail.com or @butnotallatonce on social media. Next week we'll have a new story to share; let's consider this one the Duchess of Sussex's - and her detractors'. Take care, y'all! xoxo
But Not All At Once started solely as an Instagram account, launched as a series of PSAs encouraging people to phase out the thoughtless, rude, invasive, dismissive and otherwise inappropriate phrases they use toward women.
Today, we're going back to our roots by revisiting the issue. We cover what not say, what works instead, how to apologize (and what does NOT count when saying you're sorry), what communication will look like post-COVID and how to connect with others until then.
Listen with an open mind, then come share your own do-not-says with us. In this episode we laugh, we grimace, and we accept feedback graciously (I hope I did, at least!). Join us!
Love what you hear? Want to support the podcast? Find extra episodes, live hang-outs, weekly videos and more chances to connect at Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.
As the one-year mark of this pandemic (pandemonium/panda democracy/panini/Panera/Le Pain Quotidien) approaches, and in honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, here's a little chat about your body in a pandemic.
Please excuse the tears and sniffles; it's not possible for me to discuss what we nearly lost when our daughter was a baby, or what I hope for her future, without choking up a bit. Consider it a sign of affection that I didn't edit it out?
Next up this season is a second episode with intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris, who will walk us through what it means to build a family who trusts that our bodies know what is best. For today, though, this little chat is enough.
I hope you're giving so much grace to the body that keeps you going, has your back, and only ever wants the best for you. If not, you know where to find me. xoxo
In another two months, the But Not All At Once podcast will celebrate its second birthday, In the meantime, here's a quick peek into what the road ahead looks like for the podcast, its humble host, and our growing community.
You can support the work of But Not All At Once via patreon.com/butnotallatonce, or by leaving five star reviews at tinyurl.com/butnotallatonce, sharing with your friends, or just engaging with our social media posts.
None of this would be possible without you, friends, and I can't wait to see what comes next!
xoxo
It's been a minute since we caught up on the happenings of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and the former Meghan Markle.
Let's dive into the Netflix, Spotify, Oprah, photo ops and patronage snubs of it all - and then the likelihood of baby Sussex #2 becoming both president of the United States and sovereign of the British Commonwealth. (Short version: that ain't happening.)
As always, you can share your thoughts at butnotallatonce@gmail.com. Talk to you right here next week! xo
No one has it easy these days, and so often we feel we can’t be honest about that - particularly parents and non-parents to one another. How do we voice what we feel and all we're truly carrying?
Thanks for opening up at @butnotallatonce, and for trusting our community to support you even when what you're sharing is hard. I mean it when I say that better days are ahead, y'all. And coming quickly. xoxo
This week's guest Is Luvvie Ajayi Jones, New York Times best-selling author and presenter of a viral Ted talk about speaking up even when the world demands we whisper. Luvvie's thoughts on impostor syndrome, conquering fear, doing what you love, and belonging In any room you enter will move you to reimagine your 2021.
Find Luvvie at @luvvie across social platforms or awesomelyluvvie.com. Her new book, Professional Troublemaker, is available for preorder now everywhere books are sold.
Connect with the But Not All at Once community at @butnotallatonce or via butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
Welcome to season three of But Not All At Once! As with everything else about the last year, our opener is a bit different than anyone anticipated.
Our community's overwhelming request for this week's episode was a pep talk: perhaps some commiseration, understanding, and encouragement for the days ahead. No matter how you feel or what you're doing to get by, you're going to hear me say: "Of course you are."
You'll also hear me touch on Night Googling™, coping strategies, whom and what you're responsible for, the wide range of acceptable feelings, why our generation feels this so deeply, and what I want you to tell your own personal "Doris" (my inner critic, named as I recorded this).
I'm excited to share with you all that season three of But Not All At Once holds, but for now, just remember that you're not alone. Remind each other of that too. Show grace to my weird little vulnerabilities exposed today, and to your own as well.
Wishing you soft clothes, carbs, self-care and a safe place to land. We'll talk next week. xoxo
When I happened upon Nurse Hadley's TikTok, I was both drawn to and encouraged by her stories from the frontline of hospice care. Evidently I'm not alone; more than 750,000 followers agree.
Hadley went viral earlier this year after sending her children to stay with family so she and her husband, a doctor of physical therapy, could serve patients at the start of COVID.
Since then, she's answered questions about end-of-life care, reaffirmed her own belief in what happens after death, and reminded followers to "eat the cake" - something a young, terminal patient urged her to do. Life, she says, is too short not to take the trips and enjoy dessert.
You can find Hadley at lifeofhadley.com or @nursehadley on social media. While you're there, follow @butnotallatonce to join the conversation!
If you like what you heard, would you leave us a five-star review? It would be a perfect Christmas gift for the gal who laughs at her own jokes in your earbuds all year long.
In 14 years of marriage, Kelli Staggs has played mom, teacher and coach's wife in seven moves at six universities. Working alongside some of football's most renowned families, including Lou Holtz's and Steve Spurrier's, the Staggs have had a hand in growing football programs at the University of South Carolina, Charleston Southern, Furman and North Greenville.
Perhaps the wildest ride, however, is the latest stop on what Kelli calls their coaching carousel: Coastal Carolina University. This "little team that could" was expected to finish last in its conference; instead, the Chanticleers are among the top 15 teams in college football. This week, Kelli will watch as ESPN GameDay rolls into Conway, South Carolina to see it all in person.
Naturally, I asked her the important questions: How hard is it to find teal for game days? How old do you feel being around 19-year-old girls who'd have laughed at our tailgate sundresses?
We also touch on the importance of putting down roots, even if you only call a city home for a short time; how to build community; what it means to support your spouse's career; surviving a pandemic without losing your mind or your marriage; and Judy Garland's nightmare momager. (I'm not sure how or why that last topic popped up, but I'm hoping it's part of But Not All At Once's charm?)
As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce. Talk to you next week!
Katie Walters is why this podcast started. Not the literal reason, but the embodiment of it - a woman you'd see across a party or in your social media feed and think, "That woman has it all together." She'd want you to know there's far more than meets the eye.
Katie is a stylish, joyful mother, due with her seventh any day now, and smitten wife to her pastor husband. She is CEO of a thriving missional fashion line, an encouraging social media presence, and somehow finds time to co-author a book about marriage with her husband, Josh.
That book in process, though? It documents the lessons gleaned from a marital crisis more than a decade ago. At the time, Katie had given her heart away and doubted she could ever view her husband as more than a roommate. Thirteen years later, their marriage is living proof that there's always more than meets the eye.
Katie embraces her gifts as a mother and lets the women around her help fill in the gaps. She pursues social justice and racial equality through her partnership with Togolese community leaders, Francis and Benedict, after whom she named the business that provides them with resources.
She speaks candidly about counting the seasons we have with our children, and watching them become even better than their parents are in many ways. You'll love Katie's perspective on what to share on social media and how to find a balance between authenticity and "bleeding out."
Learn more about Francis + Benedict at @francisandbenedict or francisandbenedict.com. You can connect with Katie at @katiewalters on Instagram.
This week's conversation is sponsored by Christy Hollywood Photography. Find examples of Christy Hollywood-Lynn's incredible work at @christyhollywoodphotography on Instagram or christyhollywoodphotography.com. Whether you need social media content, branding photography, or family and lifestyle portraits, her portfolio speaks for itself.
As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce; I'd love to hear your thoughts! Take care, y'all, and I'll speak to you next week. xoxo
Ever wondered how to help a grieving friend, what to do for a widowed neighbor or what unfolds in the days after a life-changing loss?
Today's guest became a widow at 30 after her husband, Tim Bright, lost his five-year fight with colon cancer. And that's not even half her story.
In 2010, Jenny Bright Hewitt took on the role of advocate, partner, caretaker, fundraiser and new wife at once. Together Tim and Jenny led the Bright Life Foundation, raising nearly $250,000 for cancer research and building a community of awareness and support.
Tim's death was surprisingly unexpected, given that he had "outlived his expiration date" by three years. Jenny was left with a broken heart and a blank slate; it was an honor to hear how her community came alongside her in the years ahead.
Jenny and her second husband, Craig, say their daughter will always know who Tim is. Tackling widowhood, dating, remarriage, motherhood and miscarriage, Jenny retains a deep gratitude and defining sense of humor.
You'll walk away moved by the ways Jenny's friends and family supported her - and a few "what not to do" moments she survived too.
To honor Tim's legacy, Jenny encourages you to support the work of the Institute for Translational Oncology Research (ITOR) at ghs.org/itor and learn the signs of colorectal cancer at ccalliance.org/screening-prevention.
After a textbook pregnancy, Meredith Bugenske learned her newborn son had a life-limiting, incurable condition called SMA type 1. When her community began fundraising to provide baby Leo with an accessible van, Meredith hesitated; doctors didn't expect him to live long enough to make use of It.
Despite his team's initial prognosis, Leo will be seven in less than two weeks. With the help of his family's advocacy and his mastery of eye-tracking technology, Leo is now a wise-cracking first grader and older brother times two. He loves long runs, being captain of the Chapin High cross country team, and navigating to Netflix on his tablet.
That first fundraiser for the baby with an uncertain future grew into a foundation, one that has provides accessible transportation for families with special needs and inclusive play places for everyone to enjoy.
In today's episode, Meredith shares her family's story, including how her family grew despite the looming possibility of a genetic disorder. She encourages us to find the joy in whatever we face, admits that the slow pace of 2020 has been more sweet than bitter, and urges communities to open their minds, classrooms and playgrounds to children of every type.
Learn more about the upcoming virtual and in-person race benefiting Leo's Pride by visiting leospride.org/go-leo-go, fb.com/leospridefoundation, or @leospridefoundation on Instagram.
As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce or email me directly at butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
This week we learned that there are more twenty-something But Not All At Once listeners than we knew. (Welcome, sparkly little youths!) Two days ago, one wrote in asking for advice, words of wisdom, or general encouragement for her, a 23-year-old grieving the end of a six-year relationship.
I took her requests to our Instagram community, who offered far more than we could have hoped! Words of experience, hope, understanding and big truths. Thoughts that may encourage you whether you're facing a break-up, the end of a friendship, the loss of your job, or any other crap-tastic life change you didn't see coming.
You're a smart, big-hearted group of humans. Thanks for showing up for one of our own, and I hope it's helpful even if you aren't "Elizabeth." (That's not her real name, I promise.)
In February, Mandy Poole shared a story that shocked, broke and warmed our hearts. Next week it gets a new chapter: another (unexpected) open heart surgery.
It started on a quiet night watching football at home several years ago. Stephen returned from the grill to find Mandy, a 32-year-old NICU nurse in her first trimester, unresponsive on the couch beside their two children. Stephen's quick thinking, prayers, and 11 exhausting minutes of CPR kept his wife and their unborn son alive.
Today, it's the rest of us who can offer our prayers and support as another chapter of their "rollercoaster ride" unfolds. To read a more in-depth update on her upcoming surgery and stay at the Cleveland Clinic, visit poolios.blogspot.com.
For Mandy, every day is a wonder - even the hard ones. I hope our conversation opens your eyes too to the simple joys of the mundane.
She and her youngest, Owen, are hands-down, no-questions-asked miracles. To equip yourself with the CPR skills that saved Mandy's life, visit cpr.heart.org.
These are special times - if "special" is a preposterously watered-down euphemism. Headlines, heartbreak, ceaselessly-updating statistics flying at us from every which way...it's no wonder that we find ourselves in need of a pep talk.
Please enjoy a stream-of-consciousness window into my mind as I try to "lift up my eyes" by quoting the music of my youth (namely Dave Matthews), Scripture, Margaret Mead, my grandmother, and probably yours too.
We can all look up. Keep our eyes on our (minimal, truly-our-responsibility) priorities, focus on changing only what's ours to change, making room in our addled brains, and finding joy in the big and small things we may overlook amidst the three-ring circus that is 2020.
I love you for listening, for surviving this year alongside me, and for avoiding judgment when I quote the red letters of the New Testament within an episode where I also reference 1995's Romeo + Juliet and the tank-top-wearing man who earned a death stare from me last night.
This week's episode, like 2020 A.D. itself, is a rollercoaster ride. Thanks for being buckled in right beside me. xoxo
“And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.” (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.)”
Mark 6:31
“‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Matthew 22:36-39
“If therefore your whole body is full of light, with no dark part in it, it will be wholly illumined, as when the lamp illumines you with its rays.”
Luke 11:36
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
-Margaret Mead
"Don’t be ugly.”
-admonishment from every Southern grandmother when you’re acting like a jerk
"Mercy, will we overcome this? One by one, can we turn it around? Maybe carry on a little bit longer...”
-David J. Matthews, lyricist who inspired my Y2K daily email list before email newsletters were even a thing
(Awful crying sound.)
-Claire at the end of “Romeo + Juliet”
“Too good for me, huh? Won’t even look here?”
-Man who yelled at me on my sanity walk yesterday, but I’m totally over it and don’t bring it up at all in this episode
“Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
-Bradley Smith, whose advice I should really take
I've heard you never know the strength of a woman, much like a tea bag, until she's in hot water. In the case of public schools, I'd say the "hot water" is a pandemic. And here we are, making tea.
Today Catherine Schumacher, a parent of two Greenville County Schools students and CEO of Public Education Partners, discusses why public education matters regardless of whether you are homeschooling, sending your children to private school, or don't have children yourself. She offers insight into how equity yields achievement, that there are no "bad kids," and what makes a system as large as this work smoothly.
Through a lens of hope, Catherine reminds us that when the stakes are high, even a big ship can change course quickly. She shares how we can support teachers without creepily learning each of their addresses for a nationwide sweet tea porch drop, and warns why Facebook's comments section isn't the place to become more informed about policy - or anything else.
So pop in your ear buds, take off your mask and listen for references to Harry and Meghan (obviously), breakfast food and the Smith E-Learning Academy dress code ("just dress"). Then come back to chat with us next week!
To learn more, visit pepgc.org or find @pepgreenville on social media.
Meet Kathryn Whitaker, a wife and working mom who reads the same headlines and faces the same daily struggles most of us do. In perhaps the busiest season of a woman's life, and definitely the weirdest year any of us has faced, Kathryn has added a new challenge to her plate: running for South Carolina Senate.
But Not All At Once hasn't become a political podcast; this isn't a stump speech. Instead, I'm here to ask the hard-hitting questions like: Huh? Why now? And most of all, with two children and a full-time job, how?
Kathryn reminds us of the value of supportive family, the power of discourse even when we disagree, and the importance of delegating. She and I also discuss the not-running-for-Senate level baby steps we can take to shape our communities for the better.
Whether you're in Kathryn's Lowcountry district or not, you can keep an eye on her campaign at KathrynforSenate.com or @kathrynforsenate on Instagram.
Wherever you live, check on your voter registration status and get 2020 voting details at usa.gov/register-to-vote or scvotes.org here in South Carolina.
I can think of no better opener than Michael Scott's, "Well, well, well - how the turntables have..."
In this episode, listener favorite April Robson (episodes 14 & 15) takes the mic to interview ME. She asks about our family's story, what inspired But Not All At Once, and how the hardest things you've lived through bring forth beauty over time.
Today's chat, despite the seemingly heavy topic, was breezy and fun to record. You'll hear a little extra chatter, ice clinking in our tea sweet glasses and a summer storm overhead. Join us for an inter-state conversation about my odd beverage quirks, the wisdom of the Enneagram, and the receipts our sentimental sides make us hoard.
April and I talk through what it means to take care of those around you, how marvelously our brains were designed to keep us going even in trauma, and what a gift it is to hold someone's hand amidst their own hard thing.
Our own family's story, through our newborn daughter's undiagnosed birth defect and emergency surgery; recovery and PTSD; miscarriage; a scary subsequent pregnancy; children with developmental delays and more, is one I've discussed only in bits and pieces throughout the podcast. If you're a way-back Anne Says So blog reader, you may have walked through some of this with us from afar. If not, thank you for listening.
Despite the years of heartache, our four children are "what winning the lottery looks like," as April says, and I'm beyond grateful for the miracles we've seen unfold. That said, I know grief and gratitude often coexist; if that's your story too, you are in good company. One day you'll be able to laugh with a girlfriend again over sweet tea, I promise. In the meantime, you're not alone.
April is an absolute delight; having her back was a joy in every sense. You can find her at @april.robson on Instagram and follow her daughter Charlotte's updates at @charlottesjoy.
To learn more about intestinal malrotation or Mary Brooks' story, visit tinyurl.com/MBsstory. As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce on social media and butnotallatonce@gmail.com. xoxo
Educator and author Charnise Mangle joins us today to talk about "the work" many of us have been doing in recent months - and what plenty of others have been doing for far longer.
In the wake of a summer of headlines, heartache, protests, public outcry and private self-examination, there's plenty to discuss on the topic of becoming anti-racist and supporting those pursuing racial equity.
Charnise's background and passions intersect beautifully to walk us through a conversation on equality, self-education, history and hope. She says there's no room for shame and that the most profound apology is changed behavior.
We unpack how white people can carry our share of the burden by unlearning harmful messages, supporting cultural change and giving our friends of color space to process things as they need to.
Tune in for an honest, encouraging, hope-filled conversation about how we can all change our corner of the world, whether we consider ourselves influencers or not.
You can find Charnise at @cmangle on Instagram or charnisemangle.com, where you can purchase her resource for self-education, "Understanding Race & Racism in America."
Charnise references a sermon by Will Plonk, of Charleston's Grace City Church, that served as a springboard into action for her after George Floyd's murder. You can see that series, based in the book of Micah, at tinyurl.com/WillPlonkSermon.
Have questions? Thoughts? Big hopes Charnise put words to? Let's talk about it at @butnotallatonce on Instagram.
Earlier this week, the heavens opened and Amazon dropped off my pre-ordered copy of "Finding Freedom: Harry and Meghan and the Making of a Royal Family."
Today's episode is my virtual book report about the long-awaited, loosely authorized biography of the only British prince not currently known as His Royal Highness - and the wife who joined him for the ride.
Despite seemingly scandalous snippets covered in the media, I didn't find anything too salacious in the biography. I did, however, find confirmation everyone's gut feelings about the couple's quick courtship and even speedier royal exit.
Written by two royal journalists, "Finding Freedom" is chock-full of details and backstory that bring depth to people who would otherwise seem like characters from a fairytale (or a tabloid headline).
Have you read the book yet? What did I miss? Has your feeling on Sussexit changed in the months since everything unfolded?
Find me at @butnotallatonce and let's chat about it!
We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you stop one of my pandemic apology tour. I seemed to semi-skate through the summer, able to compartmentalize the weight of looming school uncertainties and go with the flow in a very un-Anne-like way.
Wednesday night, though, I hit a wall. Pandora's box opened. I was hit by a freight train. Insert whatever cliche you like; it happened. This episode is a stream of consciousness peek into what I learned when my nervous system kept me up until literal dawn sorting through things I'd shoved aside since quarantine started.
Please accept my apologies for tossing out calm, breezy advice when you weren't feeling calm or breezy in the least. Instead of processing bite-sized chunks and along and along, I downed the whole dang supersized meal at once - and this episode is what came from it.
If you too feel the weight of change, uncertainty, COVID, sleeplessness, an inability to keep your brain on task or a frustration at the baggy bodice of Gwyneth Paltrow's post-Shakespeare in Love Oscars dress, this one's for you.
Wishing you sweet white board messages, full nights of sleep and all the sweet tea and sanity walks you can handle. Thanks for being there. Find me a @butnotallatonce and let's talk. I'll do my best not to look you square in the face and ask, "Can I call you back?" xoxo
My birthday is tomorrow, and to celebrate I'm rereleasing my favorite But Not All At Once episode yet. My dear friend Brooke Turner passed away six months ago this week, before COVID turned our world upside down. The cancer that took her is not her legacy, though. What she leaves behind is the astounding gift of fancying herself, amidst unexpected widowhood, cancer, infertility and overwhelming change, a "student of hope."
Today's episode was recorded a year ago, cobbled together from multiple conversations as storms flickered overhead. One hour-long stretch of our recordings was lost, and we spent months determining how best to steward this part of her story. Our last texts were about how we'd get her story to you. The morning after she passed, I went back to find her missing file restored.
Brooke's words have a fresh power in light of the pandemic that has made so many of our futures uncertain. The upheaval of work lives, new school decisions on the horizon, families separated for weeks on end - Brooke's own story aligns with what many of us face right now. Her faith as each unforeseen chapter unfolded will stun and inspire you.
It's my hope that this episode gives you a taste of who Brooke was and what she believed, that I've done justice to the story she worked so hard to tell. You can find her support page at fb.com/brooketurnerwrites and see her Instagram posts at @brooketurnersc.
Sam, Selah and Hannah Turner will grow up with their Aunt Liz, Uncle Jon and three cousins in the home their parents moved into during the Turners' "redemption summer." If you'd like to support their ongoing needs, please visit tinyurl.com/givetoTeamTurner.
As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or reach me directly at butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
My heartfelt thanks, now as in February, to Liz, Brooke's sister and best friend, for encouraging me to share her legacy with the world. What a gift to know this student of hope.
If you're between 25 and 45, or just have an affinity for films of the '90s and early aughts, you may have moments of nostalgia today as I dive into the movies that shaped us.
Much to my husband’s dismay, I’ve never seen Braveheart, Die Hard or Pulp Fiction. There’s a whole genre of film I can quote without thinking, though, and many of you love it too.
Join me for hands-down our most conversational episode yet; I needed to distract myself for half an hour, and I’m delighted to have y'all along for the ride.
Last week we chatted in my Instagram stories about the most pivotal movies of our formative years: Clueless, A Walk to Remember, Titanic, Never Been Kissed, Coyote Ugly, Legally Blonde and other classics.
Today we discuss the laughable messages teen films taught us, soundtracks that slap ya straight in the tear ducts, and lines we know by heart even when we can’t recall what day it is.
Enjoy references to Pacey leasing Joey a wall, Heath Ledger's jawline, Jane Austen and Shakespeare plotlines in 1990s scripts, and the bittersweet honor of SAT championships.
Did you catch Britney's oeuvre, Crossroads? How many times did you see Leo sink below the icy water on a big screen? Did Romeo + Juliet send you into seizures? Do you still believe taking off your glasses is a full makeover?
Let’s discuss! Take a listen, and then let me know what I misremembered and what’s worthy of being missed in the age of streaming cinema.
Hop in my way-back machine and let's pretend we're not in a pandemic. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram. What did I miss? Was your favorite shortchanged? Am I due for a rewatching of 10 Things I Hate About You?
Dr. April Czarsty is a pediatric dentist who has virtually earned a congressional medal of honor through her work with my four children alone. Today, however, she's talking about entirely different things. If you've needed a warm and fuzzy break from the reality of COVID, her story may turn your week around.
April, the youngest of four, walks us through the legacy her father left in his children. Decades before the "gig economy," he instilled in each an entrepreneurial desire to be their own boss, work hard, and achieve all they could in serving their communities.
As an adult, April and her close-knit family faced two cancer diagnoses: that of her older sister and dental practice partner, Robin, and the one that stole their father from them in a matter of months.
This heartbreak brought April's family closer together and drew her and her sister even more to the work of the All In Team Foundation, Dabo and Kathleen Swinney's non-profit.
Whether you're a parent in need of encouragement, a Clemson fan hoping your team's coach is just what he says he is, a person of faith wondering how your beliefs intersect with grief, or someone who has faced a hard and heartbreaking season of your own, today's episode is for you.
To participate in the All In Foundation's silent auction this year, please visit @dabosallinteamfoundation on social media or dabo.home.qtego.net. Everything kicks off on July 22nd, so mark your calendars!
Dr. Nika White joins us this week to dive into how diversity makes every aspect of our lives - work, school, worship and play - richer.
Nika helps us understand the difference between equity and equality (you can thank me for my genius pancake metaphor later), encourages us to use our voice wherever we have influence, and challenges us to be thoughtful, sensitive and action-focused in our work to become more inclusive.
Learn more about Nika's diversity and inclusion consulting and access her free resources at nikawhite.com or @nikacwhite on Instagram.
As always, you can join the But Not All At Once conversation at @butnotallatonce or butnotallatonce@gmail.com. See you right back here this time next week! xoxo
"It just feels like the world is on fire." If I had a dollar for every time I'd heard that sentence this last month, I'd be treating you to an extra-large Chick-fil-A combo meal by now.
The scales on many of our eyes have fallen away in recent weeks; processing what's been revealed has been an overwhelming, heartbreaking, deeply uncomfortable process that won't stop anytime soon. So what comes next?
Whether or not you're, like me, a white woman who hopes to make a difference in her home, her community and the wider world, I have a few thoughts to share. Let's process all this together, shall we?
Join me for a quick walk through what I'm doing now to process the national conversation around systemic racism and social inequality; updates on what But Not All At Once will be doing to broaden our conversations and the voices we share; encouragement for people feeling guilty, hurt or overwhelmed; and a reminder that there's tremendous power in community.
Thanks for being a sounding board, a source of encouragement, and fellow figure-it-outers. There's always discomfort, fear and uncertainty in transition; that's how you know new life is coming.
Doing the hard work is worth it. If you too are unlearning some deeply-ingrained messages and educating yourself to fight racism and live out what you believe, here are some Instagram accounts sharing their years of knowledge and good work:
@theconsciouskid
@beabridgebuilder
@latashamorrison
@austinchanning
@laylafsaad (author of "Me and White Supremacy")
@thediversitygap
@faitthb
As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram, and I hope you'll continue our conversation there. xo
This episode isn't a sermon or a lecture; I'm not qualified to deliver either. Instead, it's a window into what I'm doing and an invitation to join me in learning and listening. It's time for more than a broken heart emoji on a social media post, but what can we do?
Today we'll talk about anti-racism, examining privilege, if good people can carry prejudice, being supporters instead of saviors, setting aside our defensiveness and listening with compassion to experiences we don't understand.
Step one is to start the research ourselves. Let's not expect or ask already-exhausted, marginalized and hurting people to do that for us. It's our job to learn all we can on our own.
Then it's time for step two, listening.We need to hush, learn and DO. Soak up all we can, then support the work already in progress. We're not here for gold stars, but to ensure that everyone on this Earth is treated with the dignity they deserve.
Soon we'll have a legitimate expert speak on this topic, but until then we have tremendous resources at our fingertips to learn how to be allies. I want to point you to these resources and encourage you to spend your dollars, time and attention on organizations and activists who have been doing this work for years.
Please join our conversation at @butnotallatonce and share your favorite anti-racism voices or groups fighting for racial equality.
For now, here are a few places to start. Look on Instagram for folks to follow, books to read and podcasts to listen to as well:
tinyurl.com/resourcesforwhitepeople
dismantlecollective.org/resources
tinyurl.com/75thingstodo
tinyurl.com/antiracismreading
tinyurl.com/whiteallieschecklist
tinyurl.com/rollupsleeves
tinyurl.com/whitefragilitysociology
tinyurl.com/whatiswhiteprivilegereally
Let's consider today's episode the first of many about intuitive eating - a self-care framework that pulls our focus inward, away from diet culture and external authorities on wellness.
Truth be told, it's a scary concept for many of us. Trust our bodies? Give ourselves permission and abundance to discern what we need on any given day? What if we find ourselves falling face-first into a dessert table three times a day when the world tells us sugar is evil?
Hoo boy. There's a lot to unpack here, and counselor Kate Morris, MSW, M.Div., is exactly the person to do it with us. You'll love her perspective on diets, body image, the science of restricting food, the miracles our bodies work every day, and self-compassion during quarantine.
Hers is a voice you can expect to hear on But Not All At Once again. As with everything we discuss, your views, experiences and opinions may differ - but I can't wait to hear them!
Find me at @butnotallatonce to join the conversation and let me know what we should ask Kate next time she stops by. (At the top of my list is teaching children to eat intuitively without letting them subsist entirely on macaroni!)
Kate recommends intuitiveeating.com as a starting point for those wanting to learn more, and she can be found at intuitiveeating.org/certified-counselors/.
It seems we're all having the same conversations these days. No one's going anywhere, doing anything, or sharing any titillating stories they experienced outside of TikTok.
We want to be there for each other, but when we're not even sure what WE need, how can we do that?
Today we'll walk through a few ideas:
"Nothing new to report; I just wanted to check in on you."
"Your abs will be the very last thing I care about when I finally get to see you."
"I'm sleeping more..." or whatever your hard truth is.
"You can do this; in fact, you are."
"Check your mail!" (Only if you've mailed something...)
"Did you know Hamilton is coming out as a film this summer? Have you pre-ordered the Harry & Meghan book? Did you read the NYT piece about Jason Isbell? Can you get Beyonce's 'Savage' remix out of your head?" or other light distractions.
"That sounds hard."
"Tune out that nonsense."
"I love you. I remember you. I miss you."
Find me at @butnotallatonce and let's chat about what ELSE we can chat about in quarantine... xoxo
Little of what we're facing right now feels normal, sustainable or easy. Today, counselor Caroline Stayer-Brewington talks us through why quarantine feels hard and what we can do about it.
We dive into our best means of coping, how mental and physical health are tied, why quarantine seems easier for some, and what "grief" and "trauma" really mean. Hint: we're all dealing with them, whether we realize it or not.
Caroline's words shed light on what we're experiencing and are an encouragement for all of everyone, no matter how quarantine affects us.
As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce - and I hope you do. xoxo
But Not All At Once just celebrated its first birthday! (And I nearly missed it.) It wasn't marked the way we intended, but 50-something episodes, oodles of downloads, and a few thousand laughs-while-sniffling later, I'm so proud of what we've built. Thanks for being here and listening from the start!
Today we'll just have a little chat - exactly the kind I'd have with a friend on an evening stroll, were such a thing allowed in quarantine. So pop in your earbuds, lace up your shoes, hide in your bathroom, sit in the car in your driveway, or listen wherever your little heart desires.
Our topics include Gigi Hadid's pregnancy; the awkward wedding wish left in my guest book; why online shopping should always include free shipping; high-end boutiques thinking a size 6 is as large as women get; "getting fat in quarantine" memes; whether you really miss your ex; the tiny luxuries getting me through lockdown; this week's royal updates; and why Zoom is far more fun when the faces are friends instead of colleagues.
Sending you love and sanity! As always, find me at @butnotallatonce and let's talk soon. xoxo
It's been a few weeks since we chatted about the history, protocol, romance and tabloid headlines shaping the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's future. Since then, besides the whirlwind of COVID-19, there have been some major - and somewhat explosive - developments.
Today's episode sheds light on where Harry and Meghan have landed since exiting their roles as senior royals last month. We also wish Queen Elizabeth II a happy 94th birthday, and Prince Louis a happy 2nd one, while hoping things seem rosier all around this time next year.
Come tell me your thoughts at @butnotallatonce on Instagram!
Hello, and welcome to quarantine. It's a simple enough concept, right? Stay put. Stay safe. We want to embrace it whole-heartedly, to be thankful and still and use the time to tackle all manner of long-overdue projects. So WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO HARD?
Wherever you land on the spectrum from peace to panic, this pep talk is for anyone experiencing quarantine and its many weird side effects. The bending of time, the blurring of days, the lack of energy, the buzz of anxiety, the loneliness, the uncertainty - all of it.
But Not All At Once has legitimate experts lined up to talk us through mental health in the time of COVID and what intuitive eating looks like in a world where food is suddenly scarce. Those interviews are lined up in the days and weeks (did you know it's April now?) ahead. For the moment, though, we just have each other.
Here's the pep talk I want you to hear - and the hug I wish I could give you.
All my love and dreams of post-quarantine social gatherings,
Anne
P.S. Come find us at @butnotallatonce on Instagram to talk through what's happening in real time. Let's be alone together. xoxo
Early in 2019, I decided to step off the scale for a full year. When I brought it up in the But Not All At Once Instagram community, the feedback was overwhelming - questions, worries, fears, curiosity.
In the 14 months since, I haven't cheated once; that's 14 months longer than I'd ever gone before. As a woman raised with eyes and ears in this country, I absorbed many a message about how much I "should" weigh and what health and wellness meant. For me, it came down to the three digits on a scale.
After the world's most awkward growth spurt, I hit 5'9" in 9th grade; even at my lightest, my scale's numbers were never as small as my pocket-sized peers'. My weight rose and fell during my pregnancies and after the birth of our four children, but I could have told you exactly where I stood at any moment in time. The scale's output was intrinsically linked to my mood, even when I was growing a baby.
So No-Weigh ‘19 was an experiment by and for myself, but I got a lot of questions - occasionally about why, but mostly about HOW. "Did your doctors push back? Did you have a panic attack? Did you gain 60 pounds? Will you buy a new scale? Are you using your measurements instead? How do you feel?"
So here's the rundown in an episode a bit more personal than, say, Sussexit. I hope it's meaningful and helpful to you, whatever your thoughts on scales, measuring tapes, weight or the waif-chic beauty ideals that shaped many of our childhoods!
As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram, and I can't wait to talk to you there. xoxo
It's the oddest dichotomy: we're all in this quarantine thing together, but everyone feels entirely on their own. The road ahead seems cloudy, and there's more than enough panic to go around - but not enough ground beef or toilet paper.
Here's a quick chat about some ways we can make the days ahead doable, restful, productive, memorable, manageable or even fun - but not all at once. (Clearly.)
Find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram to let us know what you're up to! Stay safe, healthy and sane, friends. This may not feel fantastic, but it's going to be fine. Repeat to yourself as needed.
Imagine your brain is a laptop. If you pulled the Task Manager up, what would it look like?
Does it feel like 54 different "apps" are running in the back of your mind at all hours? Like a million tabs are open, but no one else can see what's clogging things up?
What invisible, everpresent, capacity-devouring to-do list items pop up the moment your head hits the pillow? Or while you're mid-shower and totally unable to do a thing about them?
Today we talk about emotional labor, the taxing-but-invisible work of adulthood, and how absolutely every woman you see feels like she's drowning in them as well.
Pop by @butnotallatonce and let's talk more about this! Thanks for your submissions, if just so we know we're not alone. xoxo
Brooke Turner would have been 40 years old tomorrow. She passed away on February 2 from Stage IV breast cancer, nearly five years after her initial diagnosis. Cancer is not her legacy, though; that's spelled out here in her own words, chronicling the "sweetest days" of her life.
Today's episode was recorded six months ago, cobbled together from multiple conversations as storms flickered over South Carolina. One hour-long stretch of our recordings was lost, and Brooke and I spent months trying to determine how best to steward this part of her story.
She had begun to lose her voice, so would I read her words? Fill in the gaps another way? Our last texts were about how we'd get her story to you. The morning after she passed, I went back to find our missing file restored; it was an absolute gift.
In some ways, Brooke lived several lives: certified corporate go-getter, creative entrepreneur, women's ministry director, mother of three. She served others even as she fought cancer.
Beside her always was her husband Justin, an avid cyclist who died 18 months ago while out for a Saturday morning ride. Brooke called this her "second unexpected plot twist" after the cancer they'd faced together.
Brooke walked their three children through grief while continuing chemo, and in that time she called herself a "student of hope." She found new mercies every morning and saw God providing all she needed.
It's my fervent prayer that this episode gives you a taste of who Brooke was and what she believed, that I've done justice to the story she worked so hard to tell.
You can find Brooke's support page at "Brooke Turner's Cancer Journey" on Facebook and see her Instagram posts at @brooketurnersc.
Sam, Selah and Hannah Turner will grow up with their Aunt Liz, Uncle Jon and three Fisher cousins in the home their parents moved into during the Turners' "redemption summer." If you'd like to support their ongoing needs, please visit tinyurl.com/givetoTeamTurner.
As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or reach me directly at butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
My heartfelt thanks to Liz Fisher, Brooke's sister and best friend, for encouraging me to share her legacy with the world.
Susan and Jason Smith faced the unimaginable nine years ago: their two-month-old daughter passed away while recovering from open heart surgery.
Born perfect and pink despite a severe congenital heart defect called HLHS, Emerson Rose Smith inspired her parents to serve other families like theirs. For Susan, the first step was donating a closet's worth of diapers and wipes from the nursery her daughter never saw.
Within months, the first Emerson Rose Heart Foundation fundraiser supported the Smiths' vision of changing laws, equipping hospitals and supporting CHD families.
In the years since, ERHF has brought 30 children to North America from developing countries for life-saving surgeries. Most recently, eight-year-old Genesis came from Mexico to Charleston to repair a hole in her heart; ERHF spearheaded the effort to raise nearly $100,000 for the life-or-death surgery.
The Smiths say it's "a joy" to see other children with CHD thrive. On top of their foundation, they also added two beautiful daughters (biologically and via adoption) just five months apart. Their family was made official in court on Emerson's second birthday.
To learn more, visit emersonroseheartfoundation.org or @emersonroseheart on Instagram. You can reach Susan via email at contact@emersonrose.org.
February is American Heart Month, and today's story will warm (and shock and break and inspire) yours.
The Poole family was planning a low-key night watching Clemson football when Stephen returned from the grill to find Mandy, 8 weeks pregnant and 32 years old, unresponsive on the couch beside their two children.
Finding no pulse, he performed 11 minutes of CPR to keep Mandy and their baby alive. While she and two-year-old Owen are healthy and happy today, it was a rollercoaster of a ride.
Today’s episode reminded me to manage my blessings, as our friend @brooketurnersc would say, rather than lapsing into stress; for Mandy, every day is a wonder. I hope our conversation opens your eyes too to the simple joys of the mundane.
Mandy and Owen are hands-down, no-questions-asked miracles. A large part of their survival is thanks to Stephen's quick thinking and ability to perform CPR; it's a skill we all need to learn. Read more about CPR and find instruction opportunities at cpr.heart.org.
To support Brooke Turner's family, as we discuss in our introduction, visit tinyurl.com/givetoTeamTurner.
As always, join our conversation at @butnotallatonce on Instagram and Facebook.
Mary Craig Hart had three children, the youngest of whom was still a baby, when she felt a tug on her heart for adoption. She kept her husband in the dark for a while, afraid of what he'd say, as she researched and cried and prayed. Turns out he'd felt the same pull too - but where would they even start?
Today the Harts' son, Franklin, is seven years old, thriving and smiling alongside his besotted siblings in photos - but it took a long, winding road to get there.
Mary Craig speaks candidly about both the miracle and trauma of adoption; what communities can do to support adopting families; what we should and should NOT ask; the complicated beauty of being siblings who don't look alike; and how a white mother prepares her Ugandan-born son for life in America.
You can find Mary Craig on Instagram at @marycraighart or learn more about the agency she used, Bethany Christian Services, at bethany.org.
As always, we invite you to join the conversation at @butnotallatonce on Instagram and Facebook.
So much unfolded in the Sussexit Saga last week!
Where did things land around the Duke and Duchess' titles, HRH status, living arrangements, patronages, finances and future?
Are Harry and Meghan more or less protected against media intrusion? What's behind their latest lawsuit? Is there precedent for royals pursuing commercial income? What are the consequences of their moving eight time zones and 4000 miles away?
In today's episode, we dive in and wrap it all up!
Share your thoughts at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or butnotallatonce@gmail.com. Next week we'll be back to our regular guest interviews, but thanks for the fun escape into the House of Windsor!
By popular demand, But Not All At Once takes a deep dive into Sussexit.
A primer for royal newbies and a full overview for those of us well-versed in the House of Windsor, today’s episode covers the who, what, why and WHYYYY of The Duke and Duchess of Sussex's recent announcement. And also the rules about capitalizing "The" in front of royal titles, a particularly irksome detail for the writers among us.
Are Harry and Meghan's decisions entitled? Are they keeping their HRHs? Do we feel angry? Sad? Confused? Utterly unbothered?
So very much to discuss: royal history, finances, traditions and protocol with a side of mixed feelings and conflicting hopes. It's a jumbled-up bag of "Holy wow, guys, did you really want to pay your own bills that badly?"
See 20 headlines about Kate and Meghan side by side here: tinyurl.com/20headlines
For updates with a Sussex-leaning focus, follow @OmidScobie on Twitter; he's a Harper's Bazaar contributor and rumored mouthpiece of Harry and Meghan's team.
For announcements straight from the royals' mouths, visit sussexroyal.com or royal.uk.
More show notes, including some links to valuable background info, to come.
Find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram and let's talk Sussexit! Or should we call it Harry-ve-derci? Anything but Megxit...
Emilie Blanchard isn't your average wellness influencer; she's an entrepreneur, a creative mind most at home in the kitchen, and a genuinely good-hearted soul devoted to helping others feel as fantastic as they can.
Through Tasty as Fit, Emilie has been sharing plant-based recipes far and wide on Instagram for years; more recently, she has opened a storefront to feed her hometown the unprocessed foods and unrivaled flavors that are her signature.
In today's episode, we talk about her plant-based lifestyle, how to find a way of eating that serves you, why our words matter when we talk about wellness, how to incorporate new habits into our diets, and a host of practical tips to listener-submitted questions.
You can find out more about Emilie and her storefront at tastyasfit.com or at @tastyasfit on Instagram. As promised, she shared that her favorite daily hair products are from Act and Acre or Oribe. And she swears that thick, gorgeous mane is from eating her greens; I've never been so motivated to fill my plate with a rainbow!
This week's sponsor is Magical Momdom, a busy boxes company founded by a Greenville County Schools speech pathologist and mother of three. Each box contains homemade, non-toxic play dough, themed manipulatives (think mermaids, pirates, gingerbread houses, or tigers with footballs and trophies) and expert insight for creative ways to play.
Podcast listeners can save 10% off any orders at magicalmomdom.com with the code "butnotallatonce." The mini-boxes are a perfect, battery-free (and therefore flashing-light and loud-noise-free, so no parents will hate you) birthday gift for little friends, and Magical Momdom's larger signature box kept my three younger children happily occupied for hours. Find @magicalmomdom on Instagram to see more.
As always, your feedback means the world! You can find us at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or Facebook, or send an email to butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
Taking a break from alcohol changed Kim Banks' sleep, her skin, her relationships and, most of all, her outlook on life. Though never an alcoholic, she cycled through feeling emotionally dependent on drinking, a habit she tried to moderate or kick entirely many times before going alcohol-free.
Kim encourages us to rethink our relationship with drinking; for some that may mean moderation, but others will find that the "sober curious" life is right for them.
The mom of twin kindergarteners offers tips on surviving the witching hour sans wine, making sober holiday gatherings as festive as always, answering questions about what you're drinking, and handling sticky family situations over the holidays.
Connect with Kim at @kimbanks_reset on Instagram or by visiting kimbanksreset.com.
Today's episode highlights Given, my favorite place to shop intentionally, select cause-conscious goods, and feel warm and fuzzy about the people I'm supporting.
Save 15% through Christmas with the code FALALA15 at given-goods.com, visit their downtown Greenville store, or find them at @shop_given on Instagram.
Kim Mogan founded GirlUp GVL to empower marginalized girls in Greenville, SC. While the root issues putting these young women at risk - poverty, racism, inequality - are too complex to untangle, Kim is changing lives one relationship at a time.
Through GirlUp GVL, Kim aims to teach her middle and high schoolers that they're loved, and to help them understand their worth. Sometimes that looks like self-defense classes, etiquette lessons or basic life skill workshops; other times it might be an extra adult cheering at a church basketball game or a dozen girls chatting on the Mogans' sofa (renovation tarp and all).
Learn what inspired Kim to become a one-woman non-profit; how she serves as a cheerleader, mentor, tutor, resource-connector, counselor and friend to 15 girls at once; and what she hopes her girls take away from knowing she's in their corner.
If you've ever been a mom, aunt, teacher or mentor, you'll find yourself nodding at Kim's words - and you too may walk away looking for simple ways to serve families right where you are. The need, Kim says, is always there; start from a desire to serve others, then find a way to do it.
You can learn more at girlupgvl.org or @girlupgvl on Instagram.
It's a But Not All At Once gift guide - of sorts. No swipe-ups, commissions or kickbacks, and no deep theological dives into the meaning of Christmas. This is more about getting by so you can really get INTO the holiday.
How long should our lists be? What great ideas can you steal for your mother-in-law, your best friend, or (even harder) your best friend's kid? How do other families exchange gifts - or not?
What means more than spending money on a gift? Are gift cards tacky? How can we shop local if we can't always shop local? How can we cut down on the "junk" in our lives and still have something to unwrap under the tree?
Let's chat about it! Can't wait to hear your best ideas and traditions at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
To learn more about the non-profit highlighted in this episode, visit girlupgvl.com or @girlupgvl on social media.
Merry (almost) Christmas! Here's getting your heart right, keeping it simple and using your words. xoxo
Artist Gavin Hendricksen had a full, beautiful life in Charlotte, North Carolina, but she was plagued by a barrage of symptoms that didn't make sense. She dealt with headaches, exhaustion, anxiety, hair loss, a disappearing libido and the nagging feeling something was wrong, but no doctor seemed to agree.
After hearing "you're just a busy mom" a few times, Gavin brought her concerns to a physician who took them at face value. (Bursting into tears at "How are you?" probably sealed the deal.)
The mom of two never anticipated she had be a golf-ball sized brain tumor, much less one that was crushing her pituitary gland and wrapping around her optic nerve. Today's story has a happy ending, but it changed Gavin's life; listening to what she learned may change yours too.
You can find Gavin on Instagram at @gavinhendricksenart.
This episode is sponsored by Soda City Sewing, a South Carolina-based children's clothing company. They're offering listeners free shipping and a free monogram or name with the code ATONCE on their website or Etsy storefronts.
To use our listener discount, order your item without the monogram/name, then leave it in the notes at check-out. Message Soda City Sewing with any questions or for help selecting the perfect Christmas gift for your favorite little one! Visit them at sodacitysewing.etsy.com or on Instagram at @sodacitysewing.
We can't sniffle our way through every episode, so here's a 100% tissue-free chat with my dearest friend. On today’s episode, Erin Demo and I tackle listener questions about the tricky business of friendship while adulting.
How can you be a better friend? How do we meet new people but avoid FOMO? Where can we squeeze in time for friends when no one's schedules align?
Is "picking up where you left off" even a good thing? And will we ever be able to have full conversations again, or is texting memes back and forth all day an acceptable substitute?
You're essentially listening in on our daily chat, so please enjoy our forays into the "blind friend date" that was our first meeting, our grad school penchant for Pizza Hut, Door Dash as a form of friendship currency, and why elementary school D.A.R.E. classes led me to believe I'd be offered drugs on a regular basis.
(Spoiler alert: This belief was patently, hilariously false. Worksheets full of ways to say 'no' went to utter waste.)
This week's episode is sponsored by Kentwool, a family-owned, South Carolina-based company that makes the downright dreamiest socks you'll ever put on what Mae calls her "widdle feetie toes." You can learn more at kentwool.com or @kentwool on social media.
Four years ago, Hadley Eddings was nine months pregnant with a two-year-old in the backseat. She felt a nudge to turn around and say, "I love you." After that, life as she knew it turned upside down.
In a tragedy that made headlines, a multi-car accident injured both Hadley and her husband, Gentry, as they drove home from a family wedding. Rushed into an emergency c-section alone, Hadley awoke to learn her oldest son, Dobbs, hadn't survived; days later, after a life-flight to a NICU in another city, they lost newborn Reed as well.
The Eddingses’ story of grief, forgiveness and restoration has changed lives, and hearing it myself was as emotional as I've ever been in an interview.
Hadley shares practical take-aways for how we can help those around us who are grieving, as well as what we shouldn't ever say. She walks us through the days and years after her loss, learning she was pregnant again, the birth of her twin sons, and the day she realized they were older than their brothers would ever be on this Earth.
You'll hear us discuss the Dobbs and Reed Eddings School in Haiti, run by Mission of Hope. If you'd like to learn more, visit missionofhope.com. You can even select a student to sponsor by age, grade or gender; it's nearly impossible to look at their sweet faces without wanting to hop a flight and hug every last one yourself.
Hadley and Gentry are passionate about adoption as well. Their sister and brother-in-law, whose wedding ceremony we discuss in this episode, brought baby Eli home this fall, their second adoption in two years. If you would like to contribute to their adoption fundraiser, you can do so at gofundme.com/thejusticefamilyisgrowing.
This week's episode was sponsored by The Campbell Collective, an online art showroom that has offered a one-time 10% discount for our listeners; just use "atonce" when you check out at campbellcollective.co. You can see more at @thecampbellcollective on Instagram.
As always, you can email me at butnotallatonce@gmail.com and find me as @butnotallatonce everywhere else.
Lifestyle blogger Cristin Cooper brought her trademark sense of humor to discuss building a business, feeling good about yourself (and your social media feed) whatever your shape, the unseen work behind her success, her life hacks, the tiny spangled outfits worn by college dance teams, and what keeps her from throwing things when she gets unnecessary feedback from strangers on the interwebs.
I was inspired by her work ethic, strategic mind, self-acceptance, light-hearted approach to online criticism, and the candor with which she discusses every aspect of her life and business. Especially her "overly sassy" thoughts on high-waisted bikinis.
You can find Cristin at cristincooper.com or @cristincooper across social media.
You'll also hear us mention two favorites she "influenced" me to follow: comedian @heatherkmcmahan and fellow beauty blogger @lindseyreganthorne.
We appreciate our episode sponsor, Heather Young of Coldwell Banker Caine, whom you can reach at tinyurl.com/HeatherRealtor. Be sure to thank Heather for supporting But Not All At Once, but don’t ask her how many slices of sweet potato cake I’ve consumed in her presence; that’s irrelevant and she’d never be able to count anyway.
The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, is the latest in a long, long line of mothers (and humans in general) who have faced massive life changes and the mental health struggles that can come along with them.
In today's episode, counselor Amanda Banks discusses the basics of post partum mental health - from the definitions of anxiety and depression to specific tips for those of us hoping to help hurting friends.
If you're struggling, please reach out to your OB or family doctor. You can find further resources at postpartum.com, the website of Post Partum Support International.
You can connect with Amanda Banks at greenvillecounseling.com or email her directly at abanks@greenvillecounseling.com.
Laura Cox's creative outlet, a jewelry and accessories business, became her side hustle before she took the entrepreneurial leap into full-time self-employment.
Laura Cox Collection quickly found a niche in women wanting chic, affordable pieces accessible right from their Instagram feeds. What her followers may not know, though, is how many hats she wears, how her family and business became debt-free, or how much thought she puts into each aspect of her work.
Our chat covers mom guilt, outsourcing, Laura's best tips for productivity from home, advice for women wanting to make similar career moves, and how '90s styles and scents are back. (After our discussion, Instagram started showing me Y-necklace ads. Please tell me the same happens for you! Will we all be getting "the Rachel" again soon?)
You can follow @lauracoxcollection on Instagram or visit lauracoxcollection.com to connect with her directly.
Kim Jamieson is a "ride or die" friend, public relations pro and homeowner; she holds two degrees and spends more time in airports than anyone who doesn't serve ginger ale or fly actual planes. She's a flat-out lovely human with a full, beautiful life.
Then a nurse caressing her arm as Kim gave blood this summer exclaimed, "You're not married? Why?! You're so pretty!" Enter But Not All At Once, where we aim to rid the world of thoughtless, if well-intended, comments.
Kim and I discuss single life in a coupled-up season, finding fulfillment in the path set before you, answering awkward questions with grace, and why "Mad Men" is well worth your time.
We dive into whether dinner parties should have odd numbers of guests, why hosting a billion baby showers more than earns you the right to have your own milestones celebrated, and the differences between chipwiches and plain ol' chocolate chip cookies.
We argue that everyone should be celebrated throughout their lives, not just in the seasons of marriage and baby-having. Kim will win you over in an instant, and you'll be just as ready as I am to hop a flight and split a plate of petits fours with her.
If you'd like to connect, you can find Kim at @kljamieson on Instagram. As always, you can reach me at @butnotallatonce or butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
No free baked goods or smoldering glances from Jon Hamm were accepted in exchange for our rave reviews in this podcast.
Melissa Vanzant-Birch met a handsome stranger in a Boston Starbucks when she was a law student; just as if Hollywood screenwriters had scripted it, that chance meeting changed everything.
Today Melissa is a mom of two little Brits with a thriving London legal career far different from the one she imagined as an undergrad in Chapel Hill.
We discuss the indignity of our children correcting our pronunciation of words like zebra and tomato (or anything, quite frankly), the differences between American and British maternity experiences, her children's special requests of family members back home (spoiler alert: it's Cheez-Its and goldfish), our mutual desperation for the next generation to enjoy mashed potatoes as much as we do, and whether or not her legal career requires her to wear a powdered wig.
You can find Melissa on Instagram at @MVBinEngland.
Just a few years ago, The Nashville Mom was a lifelong South Carolinian; today she is basically Reese Witherspoon's bestie. (That may be a stretch, but when Draper James hosts a launch party for you, isn't it a logical conclusion?)
Dawn Burns is now deeply rooted in a community that looks to her when it's time to do something new, celebrate a special occasion or a spend a fun weekend in her city.
The Nashville Mom chats with But Not All At Once about leaving her home state to start a new adventure, how on Earth you make friends when you're a grown-up, how her Instagram feed shows a jam-packed social life but she still spends days in jammies, and why you can't get what you want until you ask.
We got the details on her partnerships with Draper James and Southern Living, her thoughts on saying yes to the right things, and her encouragement to be brave and start something new.
You can find Dawn at thenashvillemom.com or @thenashvillemom on Instagram.
P.S. I stand by my words about Taylor Swift's new working woman theme song and Dabo Swinney's career path. Go ahead and @ me, y'all; I'm prepared to persuade you!
In the span of three years, Danica Thomas went from girlfriend to caregiver to wife to widowed mother of two. The life she'd signed up for was gone, and she never expected her husband’s would end so soon.
Allen, a two-time Purple Heart recipient, was critically injured in Afghanistan and forced to medically retire from the Army. Facing significant physical rehabilitation, a traumatic brain injury and PTSD, the Thomases renegotiated what the future would look like for their growing family. They navigated the VA's medical system, advocated for Allen's physical and mental health, and raised two girls along the way.
Six years ago this month, Allen Thomas died by suicide; Danica is determined that his life will save thousands of others. She has now mourned him longer than she knew him, and works as board chair of the Susan M. Tillis Foundation to serve other military families in his memory.
Whether you're facing single parenthood, the loss of a loved one, a mental health crisis or a life circumstance you didn't expect, Danica encourages you to lean on others and find strength you didn't know you had. (She promises it's in there.)
September is National Suicide Prevention Month; if you or a loved one need to talk, please call 1-800-273-8255.
Twenty-two veterans are lost to suicide each day. If you are or know a veteran in need of help, you can call the lifeline above and press 1 for counselors specific to military families; for virtual help, text 83825 or visit veteranscrisisline.net.
To connect with Danica, follow @danicasthomas on Instagram.
Even when educator Bonnie McClain isn't in the classroom, her mind's on it: she's researching new techniques, reading about how to keep her fifth-graders engaged, and preparing herself for the work she calls her "passion."
Imagine her surprise when her oldest son, then in first grade, struggled to read and showed signs of dyslexia; of all people, she felt she'd have seen the signs. Bonnie shares her family's story and sheds light on a struggle estimated to affect one in five readers.
You wouldn't think a topic like this could make us guffaw and sniffle within the same interview, but we do both - and you may too. Learn why "dyslexic" is just a label, how you can keep an eye out for it, what it really means and how there is tremendous hope for all our kids to thrive regardless of how they learn.
The article Anne references can be found at tinyurl.com/dyslexiaED. To learn more about dyslexia, visit dyslexia.yale.edu.
Matchmaker Buffie Lilly says there really is a lid for every pot - but it might take some time, a good bit of work on yourself, and more talking than swiping to find yours.
Eight years ago, standing in the seventh wedding brought about by her introduction, Buffie realized her knack for pairing people could be more than a favor or hobby. In that instant, Charleston Wine Pairings was born; now she keeps count of the babies born from her matches as well as the marriages.
You'll love hearing Buffie's tales from the job, the rules her clients follow, her best tips and biggest no-nos for your next date, and how matchmaking involves playing therapist, tough-love talker, stylist and cheerleader in equal measure.
Her brash, warm-hearted, direct advice may be just what you need to start showing the world who you really are, whether you're in the dating pool or not.
Looking for love in Charleston or across the globe? Find Buffie on social media at @CharlestonWinePairings.
Submit your questions for Buffie's next "date" with us at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
Kelsey Nichols' life was 100% Instagrammable - a smocked clothing line, two beautiful children, and a happy home - until her four-year-old daughter took a simple fall in their garage; that moment changed everything.
Interestingly, though a traumatic brain injury isn't what most people expect to see in their social media feed, Instagram became just the vehicle to share news of Annie's journey from a near-miss to a full-on miracle. Friends, acquaintances and strangers alike prayed, fundraised, sent gifts, did laundry and brought meals. Overwhelmed with gratitude, Kelsey and her husband were driven to give back - and so the Annie Banannie Foundation was created, just weeks after the Nichols family's life turned on a dime.
You'll learn new ways to care for friends in crisis as you listen to Kelsey's story. You'll relate to her feeling that she was only brave because she had to be, and that her darkest moments are already yielding beautiful fruit. You'll walk away knowing the magic of a little girl's freshly-grown ponytail and the unbelievable thoughtfulness of friends cleaning your house as they pray for your baby.
In Kelsey's voice, you'll hear her pride at Annie's recovery, her thankfulness to the village of people around them, and her hope for what the foundation's impact will be on other families like hers. You'll be reminded that miracles happen every day, and Annie Nichols is living proof.
Visit @theanniebananniefoundation on Instagram to support its efforts, learn about the October 5th fundraiser or participate in the silent auction Kelsey discusses.
When Kelli Ingram says she's not stronger, less selfish, divinely called or any different than you are, you get the feeling she's heard those adjectives a million times before.
It's easy to see why folks would think she's not like the rest of us, though. A homeschooling mom of six, Kelli is raising children she has carried herself, fostered and adopted; she'll deliver the family's seventh child this fall.
With a story like that (and hair that defies gravity), we had a million questions for her.
Hear how she met her husband, Trey, and how they have used the heartbreaking parts of foster care to fuel change within the system. After the state, against his biological mom's wishes, took their 19-month-old foster son from the only home he'd ever known, the Ingrams campaigned to change the laws. They succeeded.
Kelli's lifelong best friend adopted the biological brother of the Ingrams' fourth daughter, Faith, making the two families even more intertwined than before. Kelli's family shares property with her mom and sister, but even with help nearby, parenting is hard work; that's especially true, she says, given the brokenness and trauma tucked inside the beauty of adoption.
From thoughts on finding the right partner and speaking honestly with your children to getting your family to smile for the camera (this one took me by surprise!) and achieving Insta-worthy hair, Kelli didn't shy away from any of our audience's questions.
You can find her at @kelliingram on Instagram. She points you to fgi4kids.org to learn more about Stand Up, SC and foster care reform.
Friends, I come to you with fantastic news for me personally and for our nation.
After thirty-something years of believing that not being born on American soil disqualified me from running for president, I learned yesterday that isn’t true. Pennsylvania Avenue, here I come; it’s not too late to fulfill my middle school “first female president” superlative.
I am unable to donate blood to this day because my brief time in England coincided with a mad cow disease outbreak, so I’ve sacrificed enough due to my birth abroad. (All those cookies.)
It seems like what we need now is more heart, humor and compassion in our political arena, so I am tossing my hat in the ring and need help with my campaign slogan. Have a favorite?
Smith 2020: We’re All Just Doing the Best We Can.
Smith 2020: I Think Somebody Needs a Nap.
Smith 2020: You Seem Cranky. Want a Snack?
Smith 2020: Y’all Need to Calm Down.
Smith 2020: Act Like You Have Some Sense.
Smith 2020: Bless Your Heart AND Your Brain.
Smith 2020: I Need You to Use Your Kind Words and Inside Voices.
Smith 2020: Help, Encourage or Hush.
I’ll be the first party-less-but-joy-filled candidate ever, and plan to run on a platform of “Don’t Call Yourself the South if You Don’t Serve Sweet Tea” and “Wave When Someone Lets You Out Into Traffic, for Heaven’s Sake.”
The White House will have one heck of a First Gentleman in Bradley "the Podfather" Smith, and what I can’t accomplish as Commander in Chief will surely be handled by First Toddler Margaret “Mae-Mae” Smith. She rules her three older siblings with an iron fist, so watch out, America.
You’re welcome to toss out your own campaign slogan, even if you weren’t born overseas, at @butnotallatonce on Instagram. At this point I think we should have millions of presidential candidates, just to get chuckle-worthy slogans on koozies. How else are we to survive the next 15 months?
Also, you're welcome for the random and embarrassing insights about me as both a first-grader and a grad student; as you can tell, not much has changed. But vote for me all the same! Or at least my pro-snack, pro-nap, pro-politeness slogans.
To hear my interview with Influential Motherhood podcast, visit tinyurl.com/InfluentialAnne.
Greenville-based interior designer Whitney McGregor was featured in a spring 2019 issue of Southern Living, a coveted achievement for anyone, particularly a mom of three who works from home. (You'll be comforted to know that a ton of cleaning and professional styling that goes into a photo shoot like this, even in the rooms of a designer!)
Our chat runs the gamut, covering her thoughts on loving what is rather than aiming for perfection; styles that are timeless; taking intimidation out of interior design; working mom issue; the aim of true hospitality; entering others' homes without judgment; throwing your doors open wide before things are Insta-worthy; and why home is a sacred space, so making it welcoming is a noble task, not a frivolous one.
Whitney answers questions from our @butnotallatonce Instagram community and shares her best advice for where to save and what to invest in as you furnish your home - plus the one thing you can do right now to love your home more.
Find Whitney and learn more about her work at @whitneymcgregor on Instagram.
Owen Davis had everything to celebrate when her extended family took a trip to the Caribbean early this year: a happy marriage to her college sweetheart, a precious toddler daughter and twin girls on the way.
Things took a turn, though, and what started in an emergency room in the Cayman Islands led to an urgent flight home, a heart-wrenching series of discussions in their hometown hospital, and finally the birth of their micro-preemies not much bigger than a Coke can.
Though Molly and Lucy had uncertain futures and were separated for months in NICUs across the state, their story is one of hope, strength and an online community of friends and strangers praying them home.
You can find Owen at @mrsordavis on Instagram
In last week's episode, Tara Posner's life went sideways in the span of a day. What started as just feeling "off" became an aggressive leukemia diagnosis; intense, in-patient chemo; a bone marrow transplant; more than 100 days quarantined in the hospital; organ failure and doctors advising her family to say goodbye.
After a few recuperative months at home, Tara learned her cancer had returned - but that was just the beginning. Hear where she is now, what it means to start her own counseling business after what she's walked through, and what the hope she aims to offer her clients, whatever their faith background.
Tara answers our Instagram community's most pressing mental health questions in today's episode as well; you can hear that portion around the 29-minute mark. Her insights on anxiety, procrastination, feeling "stuck," when to seek counseling, and how Christians should approach mental health. (Spoiler alert: it's probably the opposite of what you'd expect.)
To reach Tara or learn more about her practice, visit AmphoraCounseling.com.
Tara Posner had an inkling that something was off, but the 39-year-old mother of three first suspected it was new running shoes slowing her down. She'd soon learn it was leukemia.
Thrown into a whirlwind of aggressive in-patient chemo, hospital quarantine and a bone marrow transplant, Tara missed more than just Christmas with her kids; she was unconscious for some of the scariest days of her life.
Her husband and children were brought in to say goodbye in early 2016 as her organs began to fail, and that's where her miracle started.
You'll love hearing from a woman who threw a full-on party in the hospital to make sure her children saw her shaved head as something to be celebrated, not startled by.
Learn what she gleaned from looking her diagnosis in the face, understanding her children needed God even more than their mom, and opening up the hands she'd clenched for years in hopes of controlling her life.
Next week Tara, who has since opened her own counseling practice, discusses learning her cancer was back only months after her 110-day hospital stay ended; she'll also answer mental health questions submitted by our Instagram community.
You’re just standing there, minding your own business, when you’re forced to dodge questions from people who aren’t minding theirs.
When are y’all having a baby? Another? A boy? A girl? Letting your only child become a big sibling? Finally giving your parents grandchildren?
I don’t have to tell you why these questions are inappropriate and just plain not okay - but I'm gonna.
I'm also going to tell you HOW this issue doesn't affect you in the least. How it's hurtful but unnecessary - were you planning to come over for the 3am feeding? Contribute to the college savings account? If not, then your curiosity is just scratching a momentary itch before you move on with your day, having been intrusive for absolutely zero reasons.
Last week I was flooded with messages (see MYOB in my @butnotallatonce Instagram highlights) and promised to make this a public conversation. If I can't make people stop saying these things to you, I can at least provide you a resource to unpack why we should end this nosy little trend and what we're going to do about it.
Next week we'll get into the best responses to such fun-stopping questions so you can continue blithely sipping your champagne with a ready reply in your back pocket.
When artist and teacher Marian Pouch said "I do" at 26, she never imagined that in four years she'd be single and pregnant.
The years ahead taught her about blame, forgiveness, happiness versus joy, finding your identity outside of another person, building authentic friendships and reserving judgment. Not to mention the crash course she got in custody arrangements, counseling, co-parenting, the stigma of divorce, and dating with a baby.
Marian's story has a happy ending, as she's now remarried with a second baby boy, but the road was far from smooth. Her attorney advised her to put on her "big girl panties," so she did - and she's here to tell you how you can help others in her shoes.
Learn what Marian wishes she'd known, why a counselor is crucial, how dirty diapers make for a revealing date, why she still wears her parents' wedding ring as a reminder of hope, what helps a blended family work, and how sometimes God has plans far better than your own storybook expectations.
You can find Marian and her work at @marianpouchart on Instagram.
You know that friend who tells you what you need to hear? The one who has a totally different perspective and can speak the truth with love? Working mom of three Emily Scurry is that friend to me.
After a recent pep talk where she encouraged me to look a hard situation in the face - and thereby turned my month around - I knew we had to record one of our work-week lunchtime chats. And here it is! Consider this your official invitation to eavesdrop.
We walk through what we wish we'd known in our first jobs about fear, empathy, working moms and more. We talk about juggling work, motherhood, self-care, extracurriculars, family traditions, societal expectations and our own priorities.
About how we can't always be at the preschool Thanksgiving luncheon where your toddler refuses to eat mashed potatoes while looking adorable in a tiny pilgrim hat. About how we can instill security in our children while teaching them that sometimes life will bring disappointments.
About why there should be TWO sets of Mother's Days and Father's Days (this one may get me into some trouble). About learning to admit we're turning off our phones and not checking work emails for the night, or leaving early to take a child to the dentist. About being brave as we advocate for ourselves, negotiate for raises, articulate what we need and ask the neighbors over for post-kiddie-bedtime wine and socializing.
Whatever your age, parenting or work status, you'll walk away from this episode with a fresh set of eyes for your circumstances. Learn to cut yourself a little extra slack and throw grace around like confetti - especially in your own direction.
Listen in on lunch with my friend, then find us at @butnotallatonce to let us know your favorite takeaways!
After learning her toddler had metachromatic leukodystrophy, April Robson made it her mission to find joy, purpose and beauty in the everyday moments with her family.
In the second half of April's story, she shares how we can care for friends who are facing a painful season, what it means to be grateful, what we should (and should NOT) say to families who are hurting, and how her life has changed in the year since she first heard the letters "MLD."
Whether it's a random text (prefaced with "no need to respond!"), a box of Charmin, a coffee dropped on the front porch or a bit of yard work, you'll leave with some clear directives for how you can "just do something" for ones you love in a time of need.
April's joy is contagious, and the love she has for her husband and three children is evident in everything she does; no diagnosis could change that.
April Robson had a picture-perfect family: a husband who once saved her in his phone as "April Hot Girl," two beautiful daughters, a son on the way and a loving community of (in-person and online) friends. Then she learned her two-year-old had metachromatic leukodystrophy, a rare, degenerative, terminal disorder that had a one in four chance of affecting Charlotte's newborn brother as well.
With her trademark joy and honesty, April walks through her most heartbreaking and hectic season, marveling at how a person can continue to function even when her life is unrecognizable.
Learn about how a tenacious pregnant mother disguised as a Mary Poppins-esque powder puff pushed to get answers for what was happening to her child. Hear the earliest signs of MLD, the strangest prayer April has ever prayed, and the happiness that can be found even in a hospital room.
The rest of April's story will go live next week, when we'll learn what it means to be supported in every sense by the people who care about you - whether you've met them in real life or not.
Few people could understand why Brittney Bolt, a married mother of two, would volunteer to carry babies for a couple she'd never met. Last week we heard the first part of her gestational surrogacy story, and today we learn how her "hitchhiker babies" made their way into the world.
The life-giving, baby-growing "adventure" Brittney anticipated ended up being a complicated one. From preterm labor scares, magnesium and bed rest to delivery, diastasis recti and reconstructive surgery, there were more bumps in the road than the Bolts saw coming.
The intended parents of the boy-girl twins Brittney carried live in New York and made it to South Carolina just in the nick of time on delivery day. Learn what reminded her of "Duck Hunt" as thee babies were born and how she feels about the possibility of being a surrogate again one day.
Did you send in a question for Brittney on Instagram via @butnotallatonce? We may have answered yours in today's episode!
Find Brittney at @brittbolt on Instagram or explore her YouTube channel at tinyurl.com/britt786, where you'll find an FAQ video and vlog posts from throughout her year-long surrogacy journey.
Few people could understand why Brittney Bolt, a married mother of two, would volunteer to carry twin babies for a couple she'd never met.
Describing her as magnanimous or selfless only makes Brittney cringe; she thinks of her two transfers, one D&C, time on bed rest, twin delivery, month of pumping, and post partum reconstructive surgery as an "adventure" she felt called to take.
In part one, hear about when Brittney knew she'd want to become a gestational surrogate (hint: I was more concerned with Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers and Ross and Rachel's break-up at that age), how she told her college boyfriend, and what made the conversation change once they married and became parents.
Walk through the legalities of surrogacy; finding an agency; grappling with the mixed opinions of family and friends; matching with intended parents; the infertility struggles many IPs have faced; the challenges of parenting while pregnant with someone else's child; and starting a pregnancy as virtual strangers before becoming close (if long-distance) friends facing loss and new life together.
Learn more next week as Brittney's twin "hitchhiker babies" are delivered and make their way home from South Carolina to New York.
To see the surrogate being introduced to a surprised family in front of a waterfall, the video Brittney mentions, visit tinyurl.com/waterfallyoutube.
See all of Brittney’s surrogacy journey videos on her YouTube channel at tinyurl.com/britt786.
You may recognize Greer Howard as the in-house reporter for the Atlanta Braves or the face of any number of brands, but there's a lot more to her than a Jumbotron can show you.
Greer is a former military wife whose story includes a long-distance marriage, restarting a career in entertainment after cross-country moves, building a healthy co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband, raising a five-year-old while carving out a career that doesn't stick to bankers' hours, and creating opportunities for others along the way.
Whether you are looking for encouragement as you face divorce and co-parenting, wondering how to seize every career opportunity you can, reconciling the dreams of your early twenties with the reality of adulthood, or feeling stuck in your chapter of life, Greer's words are for you.
This year she has committed to being present, grateful and hard-working. No matter what you're facing, she says, "it's never over." Sometimes you just need to pivot.
You can't spell "mayhem" without May, and everyone you know is up to their eyeballs in commitments.
Ready to make some room on your over-filled plate? Here are a few things you can say no to sans guilt.
Once you've said no where you can, "just check the box" on everything else. Aim for adequate; there's no need to earn a gold medal in everything you touch.
Sometimes we just need to survive and advance, and May is one of those times.
Have you ever rushed to un-tag a photo of yourself, then spent ages pinching, zooming and dissecting it from every angle? Do you wince or stare when you walk past a mirror? Make jokes about your size, shape or how very different you look than your favorite Instagram personality? Feel pressure to Photoshop every "flaw" before you post something? Wish you could walk around with a Snapchat filter in front of your actual body?
This pep talk is for you. (And also for me. Ok, mostly for me.)
Holistic health coach Brady Godfrey thinks you're stressed enough; you don't need to let nutrition or wellness be add to your worries.
Hear from an expert about how lowering your expectations, removing judgment, listening to your body, putting on "ear muffs" and tuning out Instagram could make all the difference in looking and feeling your best.
Learn her shortcuts for easy school lunches, sneaking produce into your kids' diets (without sneaking it in at all), getting the men in your life on board, making changes without taking away your favorite foods, enjoying treats and the power of a fresh start.
Brady's breezy, judgement-free attitude toward food, parenting, life choices and everything in between will inspire you to take a new approach. (Spoiler alert: It probably won't involve wheat grass.)
What do you say to someone facing unimaginable pain? (Better yet, what do you NOT say?) How do you return to normal life after grief? When did our moms become so wise? And how quickly will our children realize we don't know what we're doing?
Dive in to all this and more with Anne Harris, who brings joy and laughter to her family's story of infant loss, rainbow babies and faith when hope was hard to find. Learn what it's like to grow up in a family of six, how life without an Instagram filter still holds plenty of beauty and why there's no gold medal for grieving.
Mother of four Danielle Sorrells is on a mission to teach the world that you can pursue wellness at any shape or size. Whether you look like Instagram's most popular yoga instructors or not, she says, there's a place on the mat for you.
Danielle believes we can teach and encourage those around us even if we haven't crossed the finish line on our goals, and that we can take the sting out of typically-hurtful words - especially "fat." She finds that speaking honestly about size and treating ourselves with care models self-worth and health for the little ones watching us.
Find Danielle at @fat_bottomed_mama on Instagram, or look for her around the Upstate of South Carolina with a wagon of her four sweet preschoolers in tow. (Be sure to hear her thoughts on what's most - and least - encouraging to say to moms of big families, too!)
Do you have someone in your city who's universally beloved? Someone absolutely everyone believes is their personal best friend? Our town has four: the "Given girls."
Sisters Erin, Beth, Jesse and Caitlin started their store, Given, to offer cause-conscious goods to women looking to spend their dollars and build their wardrobes in ways that matter.
Along the way, they learned about balancing work and family, doing their homework into where goods come from and how artisans are treated, building a supportive community and encouraging the women around them.
You can find "the Given girls," their beautiful hearts and their ethically-sourced offerings on Instagram at @shop_given or in downtown Greenville, South Carolina.
Did someone just hand you a baby and wheel you to the hospital door? Do you feel like you're simultaneously being thrown into the deep end and set aflame? Here's what you need to know - or at least what I wish I'd heard in my first days as a mom.
You're equipped, you're doing beautifully, and no one could be handling this better, I promise. You aren't alone, this isn't your life forever and things are only going to get better from here. Hang in there, friend.
Know a new mom? Send this her way! Better yet, just come over and hold her baby while she naps.
Meredith Jaggard is a go-getter. Unflappable. And unafraid to take off the Instagram filter to tell you what's really going on in her life.
A born and bred South Carolinian, she is beating MS with the help of her husband, her new baby girl, her "vegan plus pizza" diet and the physician she moved to Portland to pursue.
Meredith's mind was made up from the moment she got a diagnosis: against the predictions of previous doctors, she was going to win this fight. Years later, she is! She wants to make sure you know, no matter who you are or what your story is, that you have a friend in her.
Whether it's the truth about miscarriage, pregnancy and post partum life, or the reality of starting from scratch with a new village when your "people" are on the opposite coast, Meredith tells it like it is. And you're going to love her.
You can connect with Meredith at @msjaggs across social platforms.
Dr. Kelly Kline joins us to answer the But Not All At Once Instagram community's most pressing questions.
Her answers include:
"Yes, you should absolutely tell your doctor the truth about how much and how often you're drinking wine."
"No, you don't need to worry that our staff is going to bat an eyelash at anything you throw our way. Our motto is, 'There will be no shame.' We've seen it all."
"Absolutely, I'll write you a prescription for a pre-baby pedicure. That sounds medically necessary to me."
Kelly walks us through what is "normal" in terms of how you feel after delivering a baby. She shares what it's like to be a single woman building a successful practice, taking good care of yourself and making time for your friends in a busy season. She also recounts the first time we almost met, and how Hollywood writers couldn't have scripted it any more ridiculously. (I really wish she'd just walked into that room!)
If you need to feel good about yourself, you need to take a listen! Find Kelly's practice at @ParksideOBGYN on Instagram, or bring her a Chipwich to buy a chance to be her newest friend, as I did. Spoiler alert: it worked.
Six months ago, I started But Not All At Once on Instagram to amplify conversations that matter - things we were discussing in group texts and preschool parking lots, but hadn't taken to a wider audience.
We focused on balancing the facets of our lives that mean the most to us: faith, marriage, motherhood, friends, hospitality, family, work, fitness, supporting the people we love, attempting to look like we've slept all night, masquerading as functioning adults. (Spoiler alert: we can do it all, but not all at once.)
The But Not All At Once podcast will be an extension of those conversations. Thirty-something years into life and four children into parenthood, I realize more every day that none of us can do this thing alone.
Through the beauty of technology, we now have a virtual dining room table to gather around - all that's missing are the wine and cupcakes. So grab your earbuds, take a moment for yourself and prepare to befriend a passel of people you've yet to see in person.
Join us each week to hear another woman's story, celebrate some accomplishments, steal some ideas - whatever it takes to prove no one has all her ducks in a row. Subscribe now and you'll hear a new episode every week! (We have a BYOP policy: Bring Your Own Pinot and Petits Fours.)
In the meantime, head over to @butnotallatonce on Instagram and join the conversation!